prince cosmos
Joined 23rd Mar, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- davster1209 · 23k words · 68 27 · 1.3k views
Featured In11
Clopfics11,552 stories ·15,818 members
Human in Equestria16,992 stories ·16,837 members
- All-OC Stories2,900 stories ·2,264 members
The Writers' Group56,466 stories ·9,300 members
The OC Fanfiction Library1,803 stories ·1,405 members
- OC's Unite2,406 stories ·1,479 members
- Group of Authors who love to have fun and a good time!4,657 stories ·577 members
School for New Writers9,630 stories ·5,013 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.105 seconds
Total duration
1,018 users online
1,645,746 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
That escalated quickly.
You spelled 'many' wrong in the description.
2502005 what do you mean
Are they all gonna get pregnant at once?
Ewwww... More Bad Things....
BiE :3 will have more to say in morning
Edit: Okay I'm back and got to say like always because I'm just one person (who has a horrible memory so skip this if you have already) My group Bronies in Equestria seems like the place you should join I can't wait to read more.
AHH ITS FREAKAZOID!!!
Why was that comment deleted I thought that was hilarious... and I never meant for any offense to this story it was the first thing to come to my mind.
2502329 she means he banged all the elements
except Fluttershy who went dominatrix on him 
2515106 whats wrong with it i kinda think dominatrix fluttershy is funny
2515542 oh nothing I just use that face for better reference
2515542 oh nothing I just use that face for better reference
Why does it have to be pinkie why not
or 
or even 
First off, this is bland. Like, eating unflavored, unseasoned oatmeal kind of bland. Watching paint dry (or peel) kind of bland.
Next, normal how? In that he's a proper little drone of consumption, not questioning authority or governance and content to let others dictate how he lives? Normalcy reduces us to numbers, a stand-in, in a crowd; easily disposed of because it's part of the humanity machine, and therefore lacks any defining characteristics that sets it apart from the other cogs that work the machine.
Surely he has something that sets him apart from the rest of humanity (and his peers) other than liking a show aimed at little girls. Give him a personality injection. Give him a disability: hard of hearing, ADD, Alzheimer's
Or perhaps he enjoys classical and orchestral music, or country, or bluegrass? Maybe he likes Shakespeare, John Donne, or John Milton over the post modern and post post modern authors?
Also, amp it up with description. describe smells, tastes, touch, vision, and sounds. It maybe intensive, taxing, and mentally exhaustive, but it can only serve to make your fiction better.
Shouldn't he be offended and angry that they chose to warp his form into that of a pony? Like his human form was offensive to pony sensibility? Or specie-ist? (Think racism applied to species). It's not like his life (from what I gathered) was miserable on earth, so why would he be okay and even eager to trade his species for that of a pony?
You really ought to include some kind of conflict. Whether it be an internal, ethical, moral dilemma, or an external one; i.e., the antagonist, villian, bully, etc.. Including this, in some form will engage and hook the reader, because it appeals to us on some level. Because we all have some kind of problem, or suffering. Hearing stories on how others deal with their problems is engaging for us, and may serve as an inspiration to solving our own problems. But yeah, needs more conflict of some sort.
looks like i was the one..... to break her-puts on sunglasses- YEAAAAAAAAAAHH
[i know there was no sunglasses but if your going to do the joke...]
first thing i thought when reading how... easily, nay, bloody ecstatically even, he decided to forsake his body for one not his own, be it only a mirage of mana or truly a new form, I immediately thought the same thing as AuthorGenesis here did. No offence or anything, this does seem like an interesting read. Hell, you don't even have grammar problems!
One other thing that bothered me was the pacing. Things were happening just a bit to fast.
Surfing through stories, sees story that doesn't even take the time to properly capitalize the title, leaves comment about it, leaves.
2690139 is it a problem if a tittle is not capitalized
2690180
To me it says that you couldn't be bothered to spend a second to capitalize two letters. It looks unprofessional and I always tend to avoid stories that do something like that.
It's in the same category to me as having spelling mistakes in the description. (Which you have one which had been previously pointed out and not fixed.)
Obviously this is all my own personal thoughts on it but, I wouldn't doubt that there are others who think the same way.
just gave me nightmares about fluttershy and i thought i was a fluttershy guy but (crawling in to a corner and cry) I WAS WRONG
Found some errors, You used Hands instead of hooves in the clop scene with Dash, and also some spelling errors. Other then that good good and more good.
NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO... Didn't ever EVER expect that in fluttershy's Dark persona. OMG!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!... More please
I like it so far talk about static puting a shock to your system
Now that what I call a party
I loved it it was so sweet
That was awesome beyond awesome
it would have been better if she keep saying oh my gosh
Ok that was awesome did not see that coming
That was awesome I really like it
Perfect
wow what a way to go, sucked into your own computer
Okay counting down? 123? Lol
I would love to eat them pancakes.
Mark are you a pimp or something lake-link.com/images/forumphotos/PimpHatBigDaddyPurpleLg.jpg
"Can you tell I've done this before?" Pinkie started. "All I can tell you, is that Applejack's brother is called Big Macintosh for a reason!"
DEAR GOD DON GIVE US A MENTAL IMMAGE
NOO IT STARTED NOOOOOOOOOO
NOPE FUCK NO NO LITTLE MISS RARITY REFERENCES IN THIS GOD DAM STORY I DON'T WANT NO LUNG HATS
Are you cerceral right now the rocket count down? I have lost all faith for three seconds
OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT