Starking, Soarin' and Applejack's earth pony son, who was born with Brittle Bone Disease, has always dreamed of flying. However, his wings still haven't came in yet so he asks his father when he'll finally grow wings of his own. How will Soarin' explain the truth to him, can he even tell him the truth?
Cover art by Allonso Bronyguy
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That sentence completely contradicts itself. He either broke his bones or he didn't. Which is it?
That's the only criticism I have. Very nice work.
2486350
Fixed, thank you.
This is pretty good. Grammar wise, I only noticed one or two typos, and the plot/story itself is awesome (I'm a sucker for Soarin' x Applejack). The only problem I saw was your pacing/flow of the story. There were a lot of run on sentences, times where you would repeat things over and over, and places where you would just ramble on with unnecessary information. If you shorten your sentences a bit and make them more to the point, it'll be even more awesome. Keep up the good work!
Not bad for your first story, I do agree with Solatic there are some pacing issues.
2488744
On behalf of the Soaring Apple: SoarinJack Group I wish to extend to you an anyone who wishes it an invitation to join the group dedicated to the Soarin'/Applejack paring.
Wow, I just picked up this story, and I just fell in love with it. With only 7 upvotes, it's criminally unappreciated.
Okay, one thing I didn't like was the nature of Starking's disease. It was explained as being born with the bones of a Pegasus, which is odd when you consider that RD can outcompete AJ at several physical competitions, and the most muscular pony in the show is Snowflake. Pegasus bones aren't that frail, and to be honest, someone with something like brittle bone diseas would be dead even at Star's young age. I hope you'd mention at least some magic medication he's taking.
Apart from that, there's nothing I don't love. Soarinjack is always a favorite of mine, but you took it in a fresh direction by having it after they consummated their love, and already have 2 adorable children. The way they interact as spouses, dealing with parenting problems together, plus the little glimpses of what drove the two together really sells the romance aspect in an organic fashion. Though, I would have liked to hear a little more about their long-distance relationship, and still am disappointed about no mentions of Apple pie.
Also, love the childhood problems deal. Growing up with and accepting a handicap is a big deal to children, and I think you wrote that part very well. Eventually, everything awesome coalesces into my favorite story in a long while.
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So many feels moments, BUT a Fantastic story.
Starking --> Stark --> Tony Stark
Oh, the potential. Starking, you might not become a Wonderbolt but a suit made of the toughest metal that let's you fly is probably just as good.
2779195
Heh, I'd be lying if I said that thought didn't cross my mind as I was writing it, considering I'm a big Marvel fan. However, if I must be honest, I named him that because Starking is a type of apple.
That was so much fun to read. Great job. I really did enjoy reading this story.
Why is she saying sorry to the russian dictator of world war II?
JK i loved this story and every other one you have writen, thanks for the entertaining writing!
2779195
OH YES!!
THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!!