Or tries to, anyway. Several things get in her way, among them apple trees, the incompatibility of crystal castles and modern technomagical wiring, mass confusion, and at least one aggressively terrible joke.

In retrospect, she probably should've waited until the afternoon for this.

• • •

Mostly written on very little sleep and sort of inspired by this.

In all his years of running his own shop, Doughnut Joe has seen thousands of ponies. Some he knew, most he didn't, and many he would never see again. But he never minded that, for he always had his regulars.

Youtube reading by ChaoticSeven!

It’s true. Sometimes a tear’ll slip out… it’s bound to happen, sometimes… but for the most part, I cry on the inside.

But right now, as I watch my friends weeping in a huddle together... I'm not crying.

Not even on the inside.

Based on the episode, Tanks for the Memories.

Reading done by Voiceguy.
Reading done by Scarlett Blade.
Reading done by DRWolf.

Twilight Sparkle asks each of her friends, "Do you believe in God?"

The graffiti did not bother her. The art of vandalism was, in some form or another, as old as civilization itself. The content, on the other hoof, was an entirely different issue. “Princest Is Wincest,” it said. Bad grammar and spelling were one thing, but this was an attack on the Equestrian language.

Luna frowned. She would have to ask Celestia about this at the first opportunity. Perhaps there were spare funds for a literacy program. If nothing else, Tia might be able to explain what exactly the phrase meant.

Thanks to Wade and Sereg for prereading. Thanks to Burraku_Pansa and especially Midnight Rambler for editing.

Dramatic reading, courtesy of CaptainBron3y.

This story is a sequel to If You Came to Conquer

Princess Nightmare Moon had tried to keep it secret. She had suppressed her power, feigned ignorance, played the outdated fool at every opportunity. She should have known that something like this would happen. A threat that would reveal her, whether she played dumb or not.

If she had to reveal herself, then at least she could protect Equestria in the process. She nocked the arrow. The bow felt so flimsy, but she could not risk him absorbing a spell. She laced magic across the arrow and the string and the air, enough to make it fly faster and aim smoother. She sighted him easily; Tirek was a large target. Now he only had to turn around. An arrow to the spine would kill him simply and instantly, no matter how much magic he had absorbed.

Once he was dead, the hard part would come: explaining herself to Celestia.

Prereading thanks; Meta Four, Blank!, Yami Vizzini, and especially Craine

Russian translation by Doof
Chinese Translation by Dreams Set Free

Comments contain spoilers.

Nightmare Moon won. She defeated Celestia, broke the Elements, banished the sun. This all happened a very long time ago. So long ago, that she has had plenty of time to change her mind.

Of course, fixing our mistakes is never so simple, and never without consequences. Even with particularly potent help.

"If you came to conquer, you'll be king for a day. / But you too will deteriorate and quickly fade away."
— "No Control" by Bad Religion

A big thanks to Craine, Sorren, and Idylia for prereading and editing. If you enjoyed the story, don't forget to check out their pages.

Equestria Daily
Royal Canterlot Library (FIMfic version)
Russian translation by Doof
Chinese translation by Dreams Set Free

Kitsune Heart has done a dramatic reading of this story! Find it over here.
ObabScribbler has done a dramatic reading of this story! It includes a full cast of voice actors. Find it over here.

Comments contain spoilers.

Cup Cake knows what the pegasus mare is doing. She can see the way the filly is swaying her flawless body around Sugar Cube Corner. She can hear the flirty tones in the perfect voice as the mare sings her siren song to Carrot...

Two passengers on a train ride toward an uncertain future. One is a pony. The other only pretends to be.

Sex is tame and non-explicit. Don't be afraid to read.

Written expressly for Equestria Daily's Outside Insight Summer Fanfiction Contest.

Now with a dramatic reading by Illya Leonov!

Russian translation courtesy of Arsus.
Chinese translation courtesy of viczhn.
French translation courtesy of BroNie.

Inspired by the artwork of RubleGun and Raddjuret. Musical accompaniment by Patrick Poe.

Featured at Equestria Daily and the Royal Canterlot Library.

Reader Testimonials

"Vinyl + Octavia is one of the fandom's most cliché and mismatched pairs, and yet this is a real romance with genuine depth and emotion." - horizon
"Holy shit this is impressive. Like... Holy shit, man." - Skeeter The Lurker
"You have crafted something wonderful here, a true gem. You should be proud." - Illya Leonov
"Note that I hate this ship when I say this is far and away the best ScratchTavia I've ever read." - PresentPerfect
"Fuuuuck it's so good!" - Luminary

This story is a sequel to On the Courtship Behavior of Swamp-Dwelling Chimeras

Learning to read is rather challenging under normal circumstances, but it doesn't help when your other two heads would rather be courting or hunting. So far, though, Agatha has risen to the challenge admirably under the tutelage of Twilight Sparkle herself—or at least she did before the day she and her sisters walked into Ponyville to discover the burnt-out husk of the library tree. Worst of all, though, was that even though few of the books survived, the bastard who committed this unspeakable crime is still alive....

For now.

Artwork by Page Turner