Ice is nice · 11:56pm
So: Apparently Xepher — who has been fooled by my clever lifelong identity as a totally normal pony who is not secretly infiltrating anything — has challenged me to join him in one of those rituals that normal ponies, like me, often perform. Apparently what is involved is to overturn a bucket of ice water upon one's head and thorax, in order to cool one's fuzzy, pliable exoskeleton-cover. The next step — and apparently this is crucial to the process — is to pretend to dislike the experience, despite the momentary relief it brings from the brutal seasonal assault of Celestia's daystar.
There are two problems with this challenge, and neither one of them involves the false and laughable notion that sudden temperature shocks can disrupt morphological control.
The first is that Californeigha is in the middle of the worst drought of my lifetime. Reservoirs look more like puddles. Local water agencies (including mine) have put voluntary water use reduction guidelines in effect, and are preparing for mandatory conservation measures. I don't want to contribute to one problem in the name of solving another.
The second is that my application for promotion within the Evil League of Evil has stalled out twice in a row, and I'm getting strong hints that I'm never going to make Evil Middle Management if I can't make proper use of minions. That's where you come in!
If someone out there — who's not in a drought-afflicted area, so no fellow Golden Staters please — wishes to deal with this meddlesome do-gooder on my behalf, then please mimic the ice-water ritual seen here, complete with videographic or photographic documentation (cleverness optional but appreciated). Be certain to mention my name in your documentation so that I, Horizon, may gloat in my your moment of penultimate triumph.
In exchange, the first person to ice-water themselves may give me a 3-to-5 word prompt, and I'll take some time out this weekend from writing Hard Reset 2 to produce a 400-750 word minific based on it.
Be courteous to your fellow FIMFic readers: if you plan to do this, post in comments to call dibs. (We don't want to start a race, and end up with an army of wet and disgruntled minions. The employee handbook clearly states that wet and disgruntled minions may pose a hazard to organizational control.) If you call dibs, you are totally on the hook to do it, and if you don't then we'll get together around the water cooler and laugh at you behind your back.
We have 24 hours to rebuff this would-be hero. Go!
EDITED TO ADD:
yamgoth has leapt in front of this particular bullet. The rest of us may breathe a sigh of relief while I update the "Days Since A Hero-Caused Workplace Fatality" board.