You work as a shop assistant at a general store in Manehattan, stocking shelves and running the cash register and doing whatever else Jim Jam, your minotaur boss, needs you to do.

He's a pretty decent boss, and you get a discount on anything you buy in the shop. More importantly, the schedule is flexible, allowing you time to pursue your weekend passion: exploring ruins in search of ancient artifacts.

Written for Rare Story Prompts Contest #1

The Cakes have received a special commission: making some of the desserts for a global conference which will be hosted by the Diarchy themselves. As such, they're a little nervous about creating the right dish. And so after consulting a very old book, they're going to make something which nopony has seen (or smelled) for a very long time, a cake which requires one extremely special filling.

A very old book, the Princess, and a certain fruit.

Combine, then bake recipe for disaster for one day on low simmer.

(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)

Most ponies assume that something is wrong with Ditzy Do's eyes. Theories range from a head injury to a genetic disorder to muscle damage behind her eye. The crueler folk suggest she's just retarded. Nicer ponies say it's just a party trick she never got tired of.

They're all wrong. They're all very, very wrong.

I discovered the truth one day in conversation with her. One eye would always look at me, and the other would wander. At least, I thought it was wandering. So while we were talking, I followed it. Goddess in heaven I wish I had not. Never follow the other eye. Ever. Because Ditzy Do's eyes work fine.

She's just watching something. That... thing that's always in the corner of our eyes. And if she looks at you with both eyes?

Goddess save you.

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Preread by BrastaAAura17, Chase Cosmicwing and dreamingnoctis. Cover art also by dreamingnoctis. Guy's a bro.

In the wake of the Crystal Empire’s reappearance and King Sombra’s deposement, a thousand thorny legal, cultural, and practical issues need to be addressed by the ponies of both lands. But there’s one issue that’s blindingly straightforward: the thousand-year-old Equestrian State of Conflict Empowerment Act is still technically in effect, and until it’s revoked, Equestria remains—officially—at war with the Empire.

Under the circumstances, nopony in Parliament could possibly consider voting against its revocation.

Right?

*****

A peek at the sausage-making, inspired by GaraTheAuthor’s political fiction.

Written for the Springtime Sandbox-Slash-Sandbox Switcheroo!

Now available in Spanish, courtesy of SPANIARD KIWI.

This story is a sequel to Cart-ography

Every Barnyard Bargains comes with its own set of paperwork: this includes business licensing, sales tax certificates, and employee records. And every franchise separately files and renews the appropriate documents in their own jurisdiction, as needed -- until this year, when some unknown genius decided it would be more efficient to have just about everything done in one place. Mr. Rich, who would never ask anypony to go through something he wouldn't deal with himself, will need to hang onto several things in order to get this accomplished.

His documents.
His identification.
And, as much as it can be hoped for, his sanity.

(While this story takes place after Barnyard Barge-Ins and Cart-ography, no knowledge of those events is necessary: it can be read as a stand-alone.)

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

Sunset Shimmer originally went to Freeport to escape Celestia's influence, and to make some progress towards becoming an alicorn princess. She's certainly done her share of good in the infamous city of rogues, but after almost two years away from Canterlot she doesn't feel any closer to achieving her big goals. At this point, any reasonable pony could wonder if they made a mistake...

Faced with the unpleasant prospect of possibly going back to Canterlot in order to advance her goals, Sunset finds herself with one last option to preserve her independence: the great dragon Argentium the Runescaled, far to the north, wants to meet with her. However, her journey becomes far more than a simple social call, and Sunset has no idea just how much danger she and her friends will face.

Or how much she'll have to sacrifice—not just for her dreams, but survival.

Princess Celestia has been planning for this day for years: the return of Nightmare Moon, the restoration of the Elements of Harmony, and the ushering of Equestria into a new age of friendship and love. Now that it's finally arrived, all she has to do is wait for Twilight to get to Ponyville, make some friends, hunt down the Elements, and save the...

Wait, what'd that letter say?

She didn't get on the chariot?

She went to whose party instead?

Oh. Oh, this could be bad. And more importantly, it's gonna need some hooves-on interference from Celestia to get her master plan back on track. But it'll probably all work out in the end. After all, how big a deal could one party be?

Third-place finalist in Aragon's "Comedy (Is Serious Business)" contest

Lyra and Bon Bon love each other, but they have a ... somewhat unusual relationship. One of them is a secret agent. One of them is a changeling.

And the third one is a perfectly normal pony, about to have her life turned upside down.

This may result in some questionable relationship decisions.

Third-place winner of FamousLastWords' "A Two-Faced Charade" competition!
"This story [is] a ride … chaotic, crazy, wild, an emotional rollercoaster." –FamousLastWords

Reviewed by Hopeling! "Now this is an odd, interesting and touching one. ... Go read it, you won’t regret it."

Thanks to Titanium Dragon and BlazzingInferno for prereading suggestions. Cover art by mostlyponyart (whose blog seems to have vanished).

This story is a sequel to Midnight's Shadow: Succession Crisis

Midnight Sparkle is a rising star amongst the magi. She has proven herself time and again against threats as warlocks, hags, werewolves, and fey, but her recent successes yet leave her ambitions wanting.

An opportunity presents itself when the Archmagus of Eastmarch announces his retirement. The conclave to determine his successor—what should be a mundane thing—reveals a most tainted legacy as long-forgotten foes push Midnight to her very limits.

Raven is the freshly minted secretary to Princess Celestia. After plenty of harrowing experience under the Princess, Raven thinks she finally understands the job. But the unexpected strikes: an insular race of crazy foxes make a surprise visit to the castle! Can Raven make it through the day in one piece? Can she keep up with the manic immortal alicorn? And above all...

Can she keep it professional? She is, after all, the secretary.

***

Thanks to Alex_ And Mike!

An entry for some funny guy and his funny stories.