Hannah Hawes, Shop Assistant

by Admiral Biscuit

The Penultimate Chamber

Hannah Hawes, Shop Assistant
The Penultimate Chamber
Admiral Biscuit

There's another pit. This one's a punji pit, and all across the floor, for what the spikes don't kill—

“Are those rabbits?”

Daring peers over the edge. “They sure look like rabbits.”

“How—” You mentally shuffle through your magical biology lessons. “Swamp rabbits?”

“Too small, and not brown.”

“Caerbannog bunnies?”

“Those are usually pure white. And they could easily jump out of the pit and behead us.”

“So just plain ordinary rabbits.”

“Looks like it.”

“I really want to pet one.”

“Yeah, me too.” Daring glances down into the pit again. “Maybe that's the trap.”

“We could try lassoing one and see what happens.”

“Have you ever tried to lasso a bunny?”

You shake your head.

“It's not as simple as it sounds. They're fast. Like marsupials.”

“Let's skirt the edge, then, and not look down.”

“You could . . . wait, see right in the middle?” Daring points a hoof. “There's a secondary mechanism. I don't know what trips it, but it looks like the edge walls will tilt in.”

“Got it. Toes and fingers.” You grab hold of the stone walls. “Good thing that they were sloppy cutting the stones.”

In the movies, it's easy for the hero to inch along a wall with toes and fingers in cracks. What they don't show you in the movie is that it's either filmed in front of a green screen, or the actor's wearing a harness, and the wires are painted over in post-production.

You don't have that luxury. You feel every single jagged bit of rock, you feel the pain from your tendons as you grasp the rock with just your fingertips, and you know that if you slip, there won't be another take. If Daring isn't quick enough, you'll be impaled on a spike, or should you miss those, down with the bunnies.

You don't look down. You just concentrate on the stones and the tiny little gaps and the burning in your muscles as your work your way across.

•••

Pony skeletons are kind of adorable. They're the most adorable undead you've ever been pursued by, which is an odd thing to be thinking: you're running for your life along a thin spit of rock above a rather improbable pool of lava that has some kind of weird red and green flaming fish leaping out of it at the least convenient times.

Some of the skeletons throw their own ribs at you. One of them removes one rib too many and winds up collapsing on the bridge and you kind of want to pick it up and give it back to him, but now's really not the best time for that. Maybe later, on the way out, if he's still struggling, you can toss it back once you're well clear of the lava and the rest of his friends.

•••

“There's got to be some kind of hidden entrance,” you observe as you very carefully step only on the tiles with carvings of fruit bats. “For whenever they got together to work the Orrery. There's no way that they'd want to go through all this every time.”

“A teleportation chamber would be the easiest,” Daring says. “The other end of it could be set up practically anywhere, and you'd just step in and then you'd come out right in the main room.”

“We should have looked for that.”

“Practically anywhere,” she reminds you. “The farther you go the more difficult the spell is, 'cause you've got to account for sidereal motion and inertia and all that, but if it's set up proper it could be half a world away. Could be completely inaccessible. Could be that the last pony in here sealed himself in by dispelling it. Or it could be boobytrapped, too, and you wouldn't even have a moment's notice that it was. You'd just suddenly appear into a wall of spikes or a room full of spiders and scorpions or something like that.”

“That almost sounds pleasant.” You duck to avoid a gob of spitting cobra venom coming your way. Most of it misses, but a few splatters hiss against your shirt.

“Not if they also dispelled the inertia-cancelling bit. You could hit the wall of spikes like a speeding locomotive.”

“At least it would be quick.” You finally reach safe ground again, and duck behind a stone altar. “Have you ever seen a trap like that before?”

“No, but it might exist.” Daring studies the runes on the door frame thoughtfully. “Old Northern Ponish. 'Fosgail an doras agus bidh an rud ann.'”

“What thing?”

“I don't know, that's all it says.” She studies the doorway. “It looks like there was more to the inscription, but it got rubbed off.”

“Probably spitting cobra venom. That can probably dissolve stone.”

“Hopefully, ‘the thing’ is the Orrery of Antikythera.”

“That would be convenient, wouldn't it?”

“Too convenient.” But you open the door anyway. It’s not like you’ve got any other options.

Inside is not the Orrery of Antikythera. Instead, it's an entire gang of tough-looking henchponies, all of them with weapons, and all of them clearly waiting for you. Dr. Caballeron found a shortcut.

Running isn't much of an option, so you instead surrender.

Comments

[Conflicting views]

I've seen the Monty Phyton's movie, I know how deadly rabbits are.

[Admiral Biscuit]

8895339
They have big, sharp, pointy teeth.

[nemryn]

I would like to register a complaint with the management! This is actually the preantepenultimate chapter.

[Nyerguds]

“Caerbannog bunnies?”

“Those are usually pure white. And they could easily jump out of the pit and behead us.”

The thought that these things actually exist in Equestria suddenly makes me happy I'm on boring old Earth

“So just plain ordinary rabbits.”

“Looks like it.”

“I really want to pet one.”

“Yeah, me too.” Daring glances down into the pit again. “Maybe that's the trap.”

Why are they still discussing this?! Get outta there!

Pony skeletons are kind of adorable. They're the most adorable undead you've ever been pursued by

Hee

Inside is not the Orrery of Antikythera. Instead, it's an entire gang of tough-looking henchponies, all of them with weapons, and all of them clearly waiting for you. Dr. Caballeron found a shortcut.

Well, dammit

[Admiral Biscuit]

8896157

I would like to register a complaint with the management! This is actually the preantepenultimate chapter.

Yes, but it's the penultimate chamber.

[Admiral Biscuit]

8896677

The thought that these things actually exist in Equestria suddenly makes me happy I'm on boring old Earth

Hopefully ponies have Holy Hand Grenades of Antioch, or the spell equivalent.

Why are they still discussing this?! Get outta there!

If there were still living defenders in the temple, that'd be a great way to get anyone raiding it, wouldn't it be?

Hee

It's true; they're alarmingly cute.

Well, dammit

It always pays to take the quickest route to the top. And maybe not debate what kind of bunnies are in the pit trap.

[Walabio]

> “In the movies, it's easy for the hero to inch along a wall with toes and fingers in cracks. What they don't show you in the movie is that it's either filmed in front of a green screen, or the actor's wearing a harness, and the wires are painted over in post-production.”

Often, the wall is really the floor because the camera is on its side.

[Admiral Biscuit]

8949529

Often, the wall is really the floor because the camera is on its side.

There are so many tricks and illusions to movies it's not even funny.