To Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia, it is a simple surprise visit to Canterlot. To the ponies of the Equestrian Civil Service, it is twenty-four hours of chaos, politics, weaponized dessert, politics, underhooved manipulation of media, politics, and things batrachian and tentacular. Who said bureaucracy isn't exciting?

A series of notes sent to a young changeling in the field by her superior, and a glimpse into the minds of a race whose views on friendship and love are at once totally alien and disturbingly easy to recognize in ourselves and those around us.

*****

My extreme gratitude to Pascoite for going over this story with a fine-toothed comb, and for helping me make it what it is.

Cover art by the incredibly talented Nelvakre, used with permission.

Now available in Spanish, courtesy of SPANIARD KIWI.

A mysterious machine appears in Ponyville. At first, it's a curiosity. After its purpose is discovered, however, it quickly becomes a menace and Twilight must figure out a way to destroy it before peaceful Ponyville is torn apart at the seams.

A crossover with Machine of Death intended for readers unfamiliar with the novel.

Published on EQD September 15, 2012. Cover art rendered by Alexstrazsa.

Audiobook by Scribbler!

After Minuette receives her hourglass cutie mark, she must join Equestria's mysterious and secretive Order of Timekeepers, the worshipers of the Titan Chronos doomed to count the hours, minutes, and seconds of every day to ensure the princesses raise the sun and moon on time. But when Queen Chrysalis begins snatching chronomasters from across Equestria, it's up to Minuette and the last remnant of the Order to stop her. With changelings at every turn, there is nopony they can trust, yet only trust can save them.

Now with its own TVTropes page!

Featured by Seattle's Angels.

Translated into Polish by Korodzik.

Thanks to adamscage for the cover art.

Part of the SALT September 2012 writing contest.

Daring Do cannot believe her luck when she is asked to help explore the most ancient tomb known to ponykind. But terrible danger awaits her, for beneath the earth rests something beyond equine understanding.

Warning: comments contain ending spoilers.

TVTropes page.
Alternate ending by Duplex Fields.
Archived in the Pony Fiction Vault.
Reviews:
One Man's Pony Ramblings
Louder Yay
PresentPerfect
The Royal Guard
Cleverpun's Critique Corner
The Goodfic Bin

In a dark place named Tartarus, a subterranean hellscape between worlds, humans and ponies are paired together at random to survive a gauntlet of horrible monstrocities while the future of their realms hang in the balance.

Now, are you buying that? Good. Cuz I'm friggin' tired of having to explain it all on top of dragging this annoying-ass unicorn around the effing corridors of purgatory along with me. You'd think the damn, burning yahoos who run this place would give us rest stops to drown ourselves in beer or something. Friggin' A.

Oh, and some ponies and humans spill blood together and stuff. I dunno. Stop playing BattleDuty: Future Football and read this, or whatever. Like I give a crap...

To Holmes, she is always the mare. In his eyes she eclipses the whole of her sex, and fills him with admiration and loathing. Whether she in fact stole the Starry Night was ultimately beside the point. What mattered to Holmes was that he had been matched at his own game, by a mare; that it had not been altogether unpleasant; and that she had caused him, however briefly, to turn his keen and unflinching gaze upon himself.

On EQD July 31, 2012.

The gryphons were not always monsters. That came later.

In the earliest days, they were our friends. They flew alongside pegasi. They shared the land with earth ponies. They studied beside unicorns. There was no fear between us. That came later too.

Time drew our people apart, but it was not time that made them monsters. They made that choice themselves; they chose their fate. And it was the greatest gryphon who sealed it.

He was born, many years ago, on a mountain far to the north...

Much to her surprise, Pinkie Pie has discovered that the pen is a mighty tool, indeed. When she first tried her hoof at writing, she had no idea what the consequences might be. Now, more is at stake than she ever could have imagined.

Now on Equestria Daily!

Revised version of the third-place winner in /fic/ write-off #3 here and here.

"Author, author!" is often shouted by appreciative audiences at the premiere of a musical or play when the writer is known to be in attendance and they wish him to take a bow with the cast.

Lyra knows the truth. Lyra knows that a shadowy conspiracy dating back to the very dawn of Equestria is responsible for manipulating every major event for the past two thousand years. And Lyra does not care how many museums she has to destroy or how many transdimensional rifts she has to open in her quest to inform the public.

Now with cover image by Madmax! http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/3595/theyaretheworst.png
Spanish translation: https://www.deviantart.com/spaniard-kiwi/art/No-servir-a-estos-ponis-999961442

Audiobook: https://youtu.be/W8W0xxVHtmI