Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXII · 2:18am Aug 16th, 2019
First off: yes, I have received the orders from Aquaman, so I know who ordered books from me after I sold out at Bronycon. However, I’m holding off on sending anything until I confirm the payment has come through, which largely depends on the banks. Simply put, this vacation left my wallet with nothing but moths, so I need that payment to get through before I can do anything. No no, no worries, folks. I’ll be back in good financial straights as soon as my next paycheck comes through (which, if what Paypal tells me is true, will be around the same time the Bookstore payments come in).
In the meantime, I’ve been looking at my queue of stories to read. Good news is that my Big Plan™ for reducing the RiL is working. When I started the plan, I had close to 650 stories in the queue. As of today, it is down to ~490. So yeah, my self-imposed limitation of only adding two stories a week while I review ten a week is paying off.
But there are frustrations. The first is that every story I read with a sequel still has that sequel automatically added to the list. Any request I receive is added to the list. And if I read something for Seattle’s Angels or for events like Super Trampoline’s Feghoot Contest, all those stories get added to the list (because if I read it, I review it, NO EXCEPTIONS). And as those things come in, they take up that two-per-week limitation. As of now, I won’t be able to add anything of my own choosing until at least mid-October, and that assumes no other sequels/requests/etc. come in (unlikely). And dang it, I keep seeing stories released that I want to read but can’t add because my limit’s been reached and it is annoying.
On top of that, this means that I can’t put any known authors in my queue. Since I started this, I’ve been taking every author I read and adding them to a list, in order of reading, so that I can remember to seek out more of their stories later. Normally when I get a week where the limitations haven’t been met I add a story from one of these authors to it so I can further explore their library. I haven’t done that in months, and right now I’m looking at over 200 authors — including the likes of Cold in Gardez, Novel-Idea, and NaiadSagaIotaOar — languishing as they await a chance to get back in my queue. Now that is annoying.
One person suggested I stop taking requests. I scoffed at the time, and I don’t intend to take that step anytime soon. But still, I need to do something, even if that something is avoiding reviewing anything for Seattle’s Angels for a very long time. Hate to do that to them, though; they need all the reviewers they can get.
To add to the trouble, I did an examination of my long-term review schedule. Anything over 70k words gets thrown in this, because if I read them as they come they’ll take up all the wordcount space. This would prevent me from reading any short stories or even force me to skip a review week due to their lengths. Or have no life because all I’m doing is reading massive stories in a desperate fight to keep up (been there before, it’s the entire reason I have a schedule in the first place).
Now I look at the Long-Term schedule and realize that the only way to keep up with it is to review one or two big stories a week which, let’s face it, can’t happen. So the Long-Term schedule is going to keep getting more and more backlogged as I keep having to add more and more big stories that are already in my queue and have been for ages. The only way to stop it would be to stop taking such big stories at all, which would be horrifying since I consider those the most satisfying.
And even then, what would it achieve? I’d still want to read long stories. If I resumed reading them once I finally got the last one out of the queue, all I’d have really done is exactly what the Long-Term schedule is doing. So right now I just put on a rictus grin and bear it. Maybe someday if I get far enough ahead I can set aside a whole week that is nothing but big stories, just to clear the queue out a bit, but it would only be a drop in the bucket, so I dunno.
Alright, enough of my whining. You’re here for reviews!
Oh, and no reviews next week. I’m on break.
Stories for This Week:
Of Gems, Silver, and Books. by Twi-Fi
Involuntary by Vivid Syntax
A Friendly Letter from Chrysalis by HiddenMaster
The Equestria They Don't Want You To Know: Lyra's Guide to Conspiracies and Secrets by TooShyShy
Stopover in a Quiet Town by Matthew Penn
Megalomaniac by Spider8ite
Don't You Dare Forget the Sun by SapphireSparks
Paper Prince by JLB
Atop the Platform by the7Saviors
Undead Robot Bug Crusaders by Banjo64
Total Word Count: 221,725
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 5
Needs Work: 2
None: 0
Of Gems, Silver, and Books.
4,931 Words
By Twi-Fi
It’s not easy being a lone dragon on a holiday meant for families. Spike wants to get Twilight the best present ever for Hearth’s Warming, which should also make for a good time to ask her something important.
This is pretty much what you’d expect: Spike wants to be able to call Twilight his mother but doesn’t know if they’re really family. Yes, you’ve heard it before. I’ve probably read at least a half-dozen stories with this premise, which means the author had best bring their A-game. The period at the end of the title isn’t encouraging, but I figured I’d give Twi-Fi a chance.
Twi-Fi has some good ideas here. The gift idea was perfect, the Silver Spoon elements could make for a good emphasizer of the story’s themes, and the end result is what we all want to see out of this (accident included). But there’s a few problems, all involved with the style of Twi-Fi’s writing.
Simply put, no scene stands out from any other scene. Spike hating the cold is given as much emphasis as Silver Spoon apologizing to Apple Bloom, Spike discovering the perfect book, or Spike asking Twilight to be his mother. When every scene is given the same treatment as every other scene, no scene feels important. Thus does the story move along at the exact same pace from beginning to end, which is not how you get a reader’s attention.
The story’s not bad in a general sense. In terms of content, it’s pretty good. It just needs proofing and a better concept of scene identity.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Tears In Dreams — Worth It
Sleepy Time — Needs Work
Involuntary
2,795 Words
By Vivid Syntax
Sunny doesn’t much care for History Class. The teacher is boring, the classroom’s boring, and they aren’t even teaching the things that are interesting about history, like sword fights and such. But then again, Merry Feather likes history, and if Sunny can spend time studying with her, then… Uh-oh.
For those of you who recognize it, yes, this is indeed set in SorcerusHorserus’s Dash Academy universe (which is pretty good, by the way), and really does take place during the scene shown above. It’s exactly what you’re thinking, too; a poor colt gets some thoughts in his head involving a classmate and pops a wingboner right there in the front row.
I’m usually wary of first person as a narrative choice, but there’s no denying it was the right one here. We get to listen in as poor Sunny goes through a chaotic path of thoughts, all centered around the horror of having a hard on right there in the open where anyone can see it. It’s highly entertaining. It’s also surprisingly relatable and, dare I say it, nostalgic, as it reminds me of those uncomfortable teenage years where we struggle to understand what’s happening around us and not be the one targeted by every other student in the school.
I have no complaints. Vivid Syntax handled this in exactly the right way, right down to Mrs. Tenderheart’s handling of the situation. The story is amusing, realistic, and personable, all while taking on just enough time and wordcount to not overstay its welcome. If teenage anxiety sounds entertaining to you, then there’s no reason not to read this.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
For When It Rains — WHYRTY?
A Friendly Letter from Chrysalis
3,763 Words
HiddenMaster failed to provide cover art.
This is actually two stories in one go, with each chapter being a wholly independent piece set in different universes. The first is Chrysalis writing to Cadance to offer up a theory about how Flurry Heart was born an alicorn. The second is set in an AU where, shock of shocks, Chrysalis has been impersonating Shining Armor all along.
The first story is 90% comedy as Chrysalis’s acerbic manner and feigned camaraderie keeps the whole piece going. It’s highly entertaining and everything I expected from the story as a whole. The cherry on top of this witty, pseudo-passive aggressive cake is the worldbuilding regarding changeling anatomy that is fascinating and puts Flurry Heart’s existence in an entirely new light. And no, it’s not obvious.
The second story is far more somber, a letter in which Chrysalis at last reveals to her ‘wife’ that she is Shining Armor and has been since right before their wedding. She explains the how of it, the drastic change their marriage has brought about in her and the hive, and why she feels compelled to confess now. It’s more than a little screwed up, but also handled in a way that I can actually see happening. Which is impressive. Then there’s yet more changeling backstory and worldbuilding, this time completely different from the prior chapter, and the promise of a larger adventure in the wings. My only disappointment is that I have zero expectation of ever seeing HiddenMaster produce that adventure.
A shame. Handled correctly, it could have been a glorious study of Chrysalis and the changelings in general.
I thoroughly approve of both stories. They’re fun, original, and have just enough WTF-ery to keep things interesting from beginning to end. Bitter Chrysalis is ceaselessly amusing while repentant Chrysalis is… well, she certainly brings out some new ideas. I’m not sure why this is rated as Mature, though; the material is Teen at best.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Equestria They Don't Want You To Know: Lyra's Guide to Conspiracies and Secrets
8,391 Words
By TooShyShy
Lyra wrote a book! A book about, you guessed it, conspiracies and secrets. Within you’ll learn about Moon Ponies, the terrible truth behind Celestia’s mane, and the mysterious and dangerous organization known only as the Mares in Pink. Just to start.
To be honest, I was hoping this would read like a legit collection of Equestrian conspiracy theories and myths, which could have been amusing all on its own. Instead, TooShyShy chose to make Lyra a crazy pony whose views are downright silly and at times self-contradictory. Not that this decision was a bad one, mind you, it’s just not the one I was hoping for.
There’s really not much to say. If you’re interested in learning about cloud monitoring devices, the appropriate use of tomato juice for fighting changelings, how to defeat the undead with kittens, and how to determine if you are a mind-controlled drone of the princesses, then read this. I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of it. Personally, I’d have found it more entertaining if Lyra hadn’t been depicted as blatantly nutso, but what can you do? I’m sure most people will find it hilarious.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Stopover in a Quiet Town
3,533 Words
By Matthew Penn
Twilight and Fluttershy wake up to find themselves trapped in a mysterious town with no inhabitants, unable to cast their magic or fly.
This was… strange. Apparently inspired by an episode of The Twilight Zone, it tries to create a sad, atmospheric setting while giving us a rather silly conclusion. I suppose fans of the show will find this delightful. I’m more bemused than anything.
The story might have had a greater impact if its manner hadn’t been so direct. Every emotion is declared to use overtly, the author leaning on Tell like a crutch. There’s more attention paid to describing the scenes than anything. This might have been okay if the author had tried to emphasize the setting through creative and/or emotive descriptors, something to really highlight the nature of this place Twilight and Fluttershy have found themselves in, but that never happens. It’s just “They’re in a bedroom. Here’s what’s in it.” That is not how you create an atmospheric scene, Matthew.
The concept is… interesting, I suppose. But with a less-than-effective delivery, it’s not enough to keep me interested. I think fans of The Twilight Zone may take note and consider it gold, but I need something more.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Megalomaniac
1,287 Words
By Spider8ite
This is a quirky story. Set immediately after the events of No Second Prances, it has Starlight approach Trixie to ask about the Manticore Mouth Dive. Or… something.
The opening is a little confusing. We’ve got the dinner with Celestia explained away in expositiony style, then Starlight going to talk to Trixie about… uh… things, then Trixie breaking down. It sounds like it has to do with Trixie’s attempted suicide, but Starlight approaches the subject in such a roundabout manner that I had doubts as to what she was really getting at. Regardless, it ends with Trixie’s breakdown and their reaffirmation that they are best friends.
I get the impression Spider8ite was going for a ‘real dialogue’ feel with this one, but if so they definitely missed the mark. Nothing about the dialogue felt real, because nobody really does this sort of meandering kind of talk. At least, nobody I know of, not like this.
I left the story miffed. I think it’ll be better for others to read it and form their own opinions.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Don't You Dare Forget the Sun
3,608 Words
By SapphireSparks
When Nightmare Moon tasks Princess Cadance with controlling the sun for six hours a day, her steward Rarity grows concerned. Why would her beloved liege want to let such a glaring eyesore be visible even for the tiniest of timeframes? She goes to Nightmare’s rooms to try and discuss it.
Or, if you want the summary of the summary: Nightmare Moon misses Celestia. That’s really all this is. The story features several flashbacks of NMM’s old life while Rarity struggles to understand the problem (and not get exiled to the moon in the process). It’s predictable, but I won’t hold that against it.
The problem is twofold. First, it is sometimes difficult to tell what perspective we’re in. SapphireSparks switches between NMM and Rarity frequently, and not always effectively, so it is sometimes difficult to tell who is thinking what.
Worse is the flashbacks. They retell the same things every story of this sort does—Luna’s anger, Luna’s relationship with Celestia, NMM’s fight with Celestia, you know, everything you’ve already seen a bajillion times. But what really ruins things is that NMM has flashbacks featuring Celestia’s thoughts and perspective. What, is NMM Celestia now? Did NMM have some kind of telepathy and could hear Celestia’s thoughts? Then why didn’t she avoid the Harmony Rainbow Cannon? There is no reason for Nightmare Moon to be remembering what Celestia saw or was thinking, and showing us that ruined whatever immersion the story had.
If the author could have translated these events in a more original way and avoided the perspective blunder, this might have been alright. It may work for those looking for a NMM-wins scenario story, but I’m afraid that’s all it has going for it. A shame, too.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Paper Prince
56,423 Words
By JLB
Prince Blueblood, chaperoned by Raven, is sent to the pre-Crystal Empire Frozen North to discuss the existence of rebels and their potential threat to Equestria. On the way back, they and their crew must travel through a dark forest known to be much like the Everfree in the south. Except this isn’t the Everfree, and they’ll soon learn that the threats here go far beyond anything they’ve ever known. 42 days will be spent in this frozen hell, and none of them will come out as they once were.
Assuming they come out at all.
JLB is a peculiar author. You read his style and wonder about the state of their mind. It rambles, it goes on tangents, sometimes it struggles to form a coherent thought. And yet, somehow, it progresses, in a very real and linear fashion, to some kind of end. In this case, JLB’s story focuses on Blueblood and Raven as the protagonists as they struggle to maintain their sanity in a place that is very much offended by that concept. Put simply, it won’t end well.
But between body-stealing wraiths and tank-driving goats (to say nothing for the lovecraftian abominations), it’s all most certainly interesting. JLB never lets up with the chaos, but more interesting in all of this is Blueblood, who gradually becomes recognizable as the central figure in the piece. For all the insanity around him, he very clearly grows as a character, shifting from the alcoholic, bumbling, foul-mouthed failure he once was to a well-meaning but self-deprecating soul.
There are two major problems, and they are typical of JLB’s stories. The first is that the writing style is a strain at times, and will require the reader to pay careful attention or get lost. There are certainly moments where I had to pause and consider what was being given or, more likely, implied behind a wall of obfuscation and missing information. In the author's defense, their style has become easier to follow compared to prior stories, and gone are the long, senseless tangents of a character thinking about every little thing that happens over eight or nine paragraphs. So while it can be tricky to get through, it’s not outside of reason, or so I thought.
The second issue is the overarching plot, which runs around like a Blueblood with cake on his coat. While the events of previous chapters are acknowledged and do have an effect on the next, every chapter starts off in a manner that seems completely and unrepentantly random. There is no attempt to transition from one situation to the next between chapters. One minute we’ve just escaped from a corrupt warlock, the next we’re being corralled by a giant goat with a minigun the size of a pony. It is jarring at best, and there never appears to be a rhyme or reason to what our protagonists face and when.
There’s no obvious thread linking it all together. Even Blueblood’s personal growth as a character isn’t much of a connection. Events just… happen, one at a time, each crazier and more violent or maddening than the last. There’s no single threat that looms over them, no overarching purpose to these events. Even when you get to the decisive conclusion, it’s impossible to link all the things that happened previously to it. While that might be argued as a realistic slant, I’m sure it will annoy and/or discourage some readers from pressing on beyond a few chapters.
Even so, it was a curious read and a fascinating sequence of events. I’d like to know where JLB was going with it, but alas, it appears he has no intention of making that greater universe mentioned in the story’s description. It would be interesting to see JLB’s methodology for taking on a larger world.
This won’t appeal to everyone, but it certainly has its niche for the lovers of the grim, the uncertain, and the unanswered.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Amnesia: To Err — WHYRTY?
Equestria Delivery — Worth It
VIS_016.evi — Worth It
Atop the Platform
2,434 Words
By the7Saviors
Something broke in Twilight Sparkle the day she got her cutie mark. She grew up with dark, wicked desires, desires that she knew were wrong. Going to Ponyville gave her all the opportunity she needed to act on them, and she even made a friend with similar interests. Now, at last, they stand together at the gallows, awaiting Celestia’s order to execute the first serial killers to tarnish Equestrian soil in centuries.
I came away from this one with… mixed feelings. On the one hand, the7Saviors works hard to create an atmosphere, showcasing Twilight’s madness through an ever-constant conflict of fear, joy, and confusion. It’s not bad work by any means. It even takes steps to make sure you know early that this is an AU, so those who don’t pay close attention to the tags won’t be too surprised. And the idea that she’s working with Octavia, of all ponies? Now that’s something I’d like to see in action.
The only real issue is the narrative voice. Who is Twilight talking to? The story is written almost in a journalistic format, with Twilight directly addressing the audience through the narrative. But this isn’t a journal. She’s at the gallows in front of a crowd awaiting her execution. So why is the narrative acting like she’s explaining her situation to somebody? What do you mean, “you might not believe this”? Who might not believe it, Twilight? The narrative makes no sense, and I’m reasonably sure this issue is due to a bad choice of narrative style on the author’s part rather than any sort of madness on Twilight’s.
That one glaring issue aside? Not a bad story at all, at least for those seeking something dark and morbid.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Those Left Behind — WHYRTY?
Undead Robot Bug Crusaders
134,524 Words
Requested by Banjo64
I apologize, Banjo, but it must be done. I want all of you to look at that title. Get it in your head. Then, repeating the title in your mind, listen to this. I swear, every time I read this story for the last two weeks, I got this tune in my head along with the title. If I had to suffer through that, so do you. You’re welcome.
I hope I made Twitch proud today.
*cough* Anyway, the story. It’s more or less exactly what it sounds like. Apple Bloom is a Ghoul (or, to use more fan-recognizable terminology, a Blank from horror classic Story of the Blanks (which I just realized I never reviewed despite having read it some six years ago (this I need to fix))). Sweetie Belle is a robot, because… uh… She has no idea. And Scootaloo is a changeling. Because she was born that way. Duh. The story, set in Season 3, begins with them finally revealing these secrets to each other and their journey to understand what these things mean.
I like Banjo64’s approach to this. We get three characters with three distinct problems that are approached in three entirely different ways. Scootaloo is the easiest, because she’s always known what she is and what it means; her primary concern is the aftermath of the Changeling Invasion and her own hive’s efforts to forge formal diplomatic ties with Equestria. Apple Bloom’s is a bit tougher because she doesn’t really understand what she is and is only just coming to grips with her new reality as a member of the undead. And Sweetie Belle is the worst off because she only just learned her situation a couple days ago and has no idea why it happened or what it means.
By making each of the CMC’s situations very different from the others’, the author keeps things interesting by not having them all learn the same lessons and fight the same fights. And since the author takes the whole thing seriously, it works well to keep us invested from beginning to end.
That’s not to say this is a Super Serious StoryTM. There’s plenty of light humor to prevent the tone from being too dramatic. Listening to Scootaloo’s clutchmates’ sarcastic quips as the peanut gallery in her head was my favorite part. Babs Seed’s dry acceptance of everything that is happening to her cousin and friends is a nice touch every time it happens. Plus Sweetie’s fear that Twilight will go Science Mode and tear her apart for study, or Apple Bloom’s unfortunate tendency to fall apart (literally), or the regular teasing about Button Mash and Sweetie absolutely not being special someponies (no worries, there’s no romance here, folks).
There are a few hiccups. For example, Banjo64 has this terrible idea in his head that any dialogue must start a new paragraph, without exception. As such, we get a steady stream of junk like this:
Scootaloo giggled at that.
“Or maybe he’ll just go easy on you because you’re his fillyfriend,” she quipped.
Sweetie Belle let out a resigned sigh.
“For the last time, Scootaloo: Button Mash is not my coltfriend,” chided Sweetie Belle with an eye roll.
No, no, no, no, no. For the love of Luna, Banjo64, stop it. There is no need to end the paragraph just because someone started talking. There are times when it’s appropriate, yes, but these clearly are not among them. If Scootaloo does something that relates directly to the dialogue, then the narrative and the dialogue belong together, not separated like this. This single thing is easily the biggest issue with the story, bugging me from beginning to end.
Far less important, I was wondering why it is that apparently Scootaloo’s clutchmates can see and hear everything going on around her on a whim, but she never seems to do the same in reverse. You’d think that would be an interesting aspect of changelings that the author would like to explore.
If Sweetie Belle has been a robot for years and it’s shown distinctly that it’s really easy to accidentally pop open one of her access ports, how in Equestria did it take this long for the secret to come out?
If Zecora was an integral part of Apple Bloom’s curse being sealed, why aren’t we seeing more of her? She gets nothing more than a few passing mentions, which seems kinda unfair considering her role in saving AB’s life. Shouldn’t she have at the very least gotten a cameo so Apple Bloom could talk to her about it?
But seriously, aside from the dialogue issue, I’ve really not much to complain about. The story is a bit meandering, but I think that works in its favor. The characters are also interesting; I especially liked how Scootaloo is depicted as far more mature and knowledgeable than the show ever suggests, which plays well into the whole “I’ve been keeping my real nature secret all these years” aspect.
This was a nice read, never melodramatic, with a tone that keeps things light but never forgets that there are serious implications to the base theme. There’s no world-ending calamities (other than the usual for Ponyville, at least), no archenemies to defeat (except perhaps Diamond Tiara). It’s just three fillies with some highly unusual afflictions trying to figure themselves out and live life like normal. And for that, I quite enjoyed it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Stories for Next Week:
Mr. Brannigan's Ghosts by Moose Mage
The Incidental Pony by Fervidor
The Five Stages of Grief with Trixie Lulamoon by Curly Q
Make it Stop! by Captain Unstoppable
Colt in the Rain by DarkAura89
I Am The Cutie Mark Crusader by RainbowDashian
Who We Are by Basic Information
For this Happy Friend of Mine by Echo 27
The Waters of March by TheBandBrony
Saving Equestria by Damaged
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Naiad and CiG in a sentence together is a very happy thing to see
No apologies necessary. So many people have pointed that out that I once considered recording myself singing a parody as an April Fools day joke.
Anyway, thanks for the review. And I'll try to keep that bit about unnecessary paragraphs in mind.
Only one I've read any of is that last one. I saw it when it needed a good editing pass, and it's gotten one since then. It was definitely a cute fic.
Really? I've offered to step in and do reviews for them multiple times, but they've never taken me up on it.
Oh, you aren't supposed to write repeated information in flashbacks?
I haven't been doing that at all, nope not me!
Deletes my entire new fanfic.Sheesh, I still need to improve... some of the things these people have been doing that are a no-no, I am still doing.
Legit have this problem still, even though you called this out on my last story. Laughed for a few minutes because of my repetitive behavior. <.<
Well, at least I learned some things.
Your insane levels of conscientiousness is an inspiration to us all. This sort of industrious dedication ought to be applied to everyday living: work, studying for school, helping others, and so on.
Few things make me as happy as seeing hard work produce practical results. Almost brings a tear to my eye.
data.whicdn.com/images/298803657/large.jpg
That's quite a reading conundrum you have… I forget the nuances of your request policy, but I'm assuming it's already such that a requestor can have exactly one to-be-completed request at a time? Would you consider limiting it to one request by a certain author at a time? I don't have any other ideas, aside from all of us pitching in to get you a steady supply of your energy drink of choice for now, and some good ulcer meds for later
.
Thanks for the review once again. I figured you'd have some gripes, but honestly that wasn't the one I was expecting. I didn't really have one specific reader in mind when writing in this narrative style. It's more just whoever happens to be reading it. To me it felt right at the time, and I still think so despite that it might not make sense from an in-universe standpoint. That's just how I write my stories: if it feels right, just go with it. Does it always work? Not necessarily, no, but eh, it is what it is. All that aside though, glad you got some enjoyment out of the story.
5106859
Hey, the way I see it, you’ve gotta have modern classics in with the greats, right? For fanfiction and for the literary canon.
Undead Robot Bug Crusaders has a special place in my heart as the best story on the site whose title can be sung to the tune of the early 90's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme. Also the best stealth Banjo-Kazooie crossover.
5106864
I can't imagine why they'd reject you. Then again, they haven't made any calls for more reviewers since I joined up, so maybe they really are fine. Don't ask me, I just work there. Occasionally.
5106871
You might have the same problem JLB had, but you have to recognize JLB's style. Some people might be able to get away with it if they structure things properly (which is entirely dependent upon context and not something for the faint of heart). JLB has zero chance of this. His writing and storytelling style is already so convoluted and thick and difficult to get through that a mistake like this is doom. It's not so ruinous for authors with clearer, more common writing styles.
5106875
*stares at image* I can't tell if you're being serious or not.
5106910
No, I accept multiple requests from the same person. Heck, Shrink Laureate requested five or six in a go. But perhaps I should be implementing something like that.
The good news is that, under normal conditions, I typically only get maybe a request per month. But something happened in the last three or four where I just got bombarded with them, and now I'm sitting on ~30. I can't blame people for wanting to request something, I'm just surprised they've all discovered me now.
But really, it's the Long-Term schedule that most bothers me, because I don't see a good solution to it. I ran the numbers yesterday and determined that for every 70k+ story I review, I'm adding 2-3 stories to the list. Right now I'm adding one a week from my existing RiL, so in theory this will stop as soon as I've combed through the list in its entirety. Even so, that's another ~40 stories to add, and who knows how many more I'll get in the list as sequels, requests, etc?
5106926
Eh, I suppose I can respect that. In this case though it was certainly a wedge between me and the immersion.
5106926
Also: why have you not finished the expansion stories? I wanna see Mad Twi and PsychoTavia working together, dang it!
5106989
Mostly distractions and a host of other stories. Even then its something you won't see for awhile because I decided to start from the beginning and work my way up to Twilight's arrival in Ponyville.
5106981
It's not really being rejected? More that I volunteered and was kept in reserve if they needed someone, but the people who knew that (Corejo and the maskedferret) aren't around the group much anymore.
5107024
Ah. Well, I suppose that makes more sense.
5106984
I... was exaggerating a tad, but the sentiment was serious.
Btw, excuse me for my unseemly impatience, and while I'll definitely wait for the review to see your full thoughts and feedback, I have to know this once: you enjoying the story so far? :V
5107088
Well, I'll absolutely accept that!
The story is certainly curious, if a bit roundabout (which defines your writing style, anyway). I think I might even know where you're going with it, though I'll save the theory for the review. I'll be tempted to read the whole thing at a (very distant, because schedule) future date just to see if my theory holds water. But I have to ask, now that I have your attention: whyever did you decide that all your material needs to be in that format? Is it just to be 'different'? Is it so that only 'smart people' will read it (as the story itself openly suggests)? Are you just trying to emulate Lovecraft?
5107096
I haven't put that much thought into why I write the way I do, other than I do so for my own personal satisfaction. I enjoy writing a gossipy, insecure narrator who puts out hedged assertions, poetic flourishes, mixed diction, and idiosyncratic ramblings, who can become repetitious and even contradictory. I have a penchant for it, and it's something I've been trying to refine and polish (that is, "polish" as much as I can a deliberately unpolished style) throughout the years. Compare this to my first story, Elements of Honor, and I think I've made things more readable. Whether it's only for "smart" people or being different for the sake of it—I don't know. I just enjoy it. (And no, I'm not trying to emulate Lovecraft, because like I've said before, I've never read a single page of Lovecraft in my life).
Still can't tell if you like the story and its characters or not, though I guess I'll find that out in September.
Thanks for the review. I had to re-read this one; I couldn't remembered what happened in it. Which says a lot about how forgettable it is. I agree, though, the prose are quite flat. That has been something I've always had trouble with: making my writing engaging.
5107096
Hey. Sorry for commenting again so late, but I have something else to say. I thought it over for a while now, about my reason to write the way I do like you asked, and me just saying I enjoy it isn't the full picture. It didn't leave me satisfied. It's true that I enjoy it, but there's something else to it, and because you posed the question, I thought you'd like to know.
Good prose is supposed to read smoothly and seamlessly, right? It's supposed to convey the meaning/actions/intentions of the scenes clearly, without any bumps, that is, without any effort on the reader's part. If the prose is good, it's almost like you'll read through the fic without even noticing it. (I read a couple of guides on how to write prose and this is the gist of it.) Unfortunately I'm a pretty terrible stylist, never knowing which words to pick or how to be economical with my prose. Whenever I try to get a message across, it feels less like a graceful delivery and more like someone pounding a hammer on your skill while shouting, "Get it? Get it? Get it?" Sometimes I'll get stuck on a particular word, repeat it five times in a page, and never use it again. Other times my sentences flounder, and in my attempt to conclude them they end up confused or contradictory rather than finishing up nicely like a bow tie. It's not the prettiest thing. In a weird way my roundabout style is compensation, to take something that's clearly rough and unstylish and turn it into some personality trait on the story's part. I'm not saying it's a good thing, nor a bad thing. It's just a thing. I'm trying to work with what I know.
On a slightly unrelated note, to help you with your secret theory, keep in mind that Apropos isn't slice-of-life all the way through. The first two parts (the first story arc essentially) is the most slice-of-life-y part. The plot gets considerably darker and more action-heavy as things go on, to the point where in the last story arc I even considered giving this fic an M rating. Some really messed up shit happens.
So, that's that.
I haven't got much to say in regards to my story. I'd put it this way: for you, there's nothing but good news. Not only has it been a long, long while since I've last been able to write the horsies, but my style has changed a great deal since 2015. A lot of writing had been done, though none that would ever end up on fimfic. The fact is, you'll likely never even get to read another one of my fics, and if you do, it... well, it sure won't be anything like this!
Needlessly dark, convoluted stories with key plot points being literally hidden in plain sight are hard to write and unpleasant to read. Better yet, this one will never be followed up, as it was leading into yet another one of these stories. I'm over those.
And, I mean, hell. I can see from the comments that my exceedingly dense prose was a problem. Well, that was exactly why I outright cancelled another story I started a few years later - despite decent initial reception, I fell into the same trap, and not only did it quickly lose any reader interest, but even I couldn't keep up with it. So much like back in 2018 with Equestria Delivery, I won't even debate much of your criticism. or any of it.
Of course I could correct several things, or try to justify why certain other things were done, but honestly, my old writing style... I'm not in the mood to defend any of it, even if it'd be justified. Knowing what I know about this fic, harboring no misunderstandings over its subject matter, I still wouldn't say it's a good story. Your ranking is fair. I just wish that I'd learned my lessons earlier. It's a little too late now, and when I finally get my bearings... well, at least I don't really have much of a readerbase to lose, right?
5107279
Interesting. So you’re essentially taking all your bad traits and throwing them in there in the hopes that they’ll become good traits via a quirky narrator? I suppose that’s one way to do it, although I imagine its effectiveness will vary widely from reader to reader.
Thanks for sharing. I’ve always wondered where you got such a strange narrative voice. It’s really like nothing I’ve seen, except if I go back more than a century.
5107299
If you’ve moved on, then you’ve moved on. It was certainly an interesting ride, though. Who knows? Maybe you’ll encounter me again when I finally get around to reviewing original fiction instead of just horsewords.