Paul's Thursday Reviews LXX · 10:14pm Apr 20th, 2017
A couple things to point out today. The first is that anyone who actually pays attention to my Review Schedule will note that my Requests List got a significant jump last week. This is because one SleepIsforTheWeak went a requested a whopping 23 stories at once. This isn't the first time something like this has happened though; JawJoe once asked me to review every story he'd written at the time of the request, and I followed through. But I don't want the next 23 weeks of blogs to all be devoted to one requester if others want some attention.
So here's the deal: SleepIsforTheWeak's requests are listed on a two week basis. If nobody requests anything, I'll just keep reviewing those requests. But if someone does request something in the meantime, that request will get slotted in between the next two requests made by SIfTW. This process will continue until I have all 23 of their requests done. This prevents me from ignoring everyone else of the next year as more requests come in.
The second topic: I am strongly considering closing my Patreon. I didn't want to open one in the first place, but desperate times call for desperate measures, right? Anyway, while I'm greatly appreciative to the people who are still giving me that little bit of extra cash every month, I've reached the point now that I don't really need it, and I'd rather you people spend your money on the people who need it or just the things you want. I was pretty crummy about keeping up with Patreon anyway, and for that I apologize to the very few of you who were interested in my proposed rewards.
But enough of that. Reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Icky-Sicky Pinkie Pie by ThatOneWriter
Being Special by Taranth
Calling Rarity by Loyal
Her Shield, His Heart by RoyalBardofCanterlot
Letters from a Little Princess Monster by Georg
Total Word Count: 134,769
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Icky-Sicky Pinkie Pie
7,706 Words
By ThatOneWriter
Even party ponies that defy the laws of reality can get sick, as this story shows us. But this story goes a little farther than that, revealing that Fluttershy has been harboring feelings for Pinkie. What better opportunity to show she cares and spend some alone time with the Party Pony than to keep her company and maybe nurse her back to health?
The story is told from the perspective of Pinkie. Whether this works or not will depend heavily upon your personal interpretation of her character, something that I’ve found varies widely from reader to reader.If you look at Pinkie as stupid-silly with the maturity of a ten-year-old, you’ll be disappointed. This Pinkie is certainly silly, but it’s a reserved silly that makes her seem more mature than one might expect, even as she’s thinking of things in terms of splendiferrifics and hoofsies. For my part, I liked it; it’s not over the top but is still recognizable.
Fluttershy has the same situation, even if we’re not looking at things from her perspective. If you’re one of those misguided sorts who still thinks of her as that fragile, cowering creature from the first three seasons, you’ll be startled by how open this rendition of her is. At the same time, I questioned if she might not be a little too open, especially when it came to inviting antics with Pinkie. But then again, if a relationship between the two of them is to have even a modicum of a chance, Fluttershy has to be able to have Pinkie’s brand of fun.
Which leads to the one thing that truly bugged me about this story; the relationship. Okay, so Fluttershy is interested in Pinkie. Why? We get some inkling as to how Pinkie feels about Fluttershy, but nothing from the other side. I’m typically okay with a bit of ambiguity in relationships, but this one didn’t touch upon the topic at all, which left me questioning the validity of the entire premise.
In the end, my feelings are a bit more mixed than usual. The characterization of Pinkie is good, Fluttershy is decent even if she seems a bit outside her norm, and the overall writing is nice. But the romance felt weak, which left me feeling underwhelmed. And of course, there’s the real issue that keeps bugging me: why don’t we have that cover art incorporated into the story? I really wanted to see that in literary form! It’s a large part of why I added this to my RiL.
Not a bad story on the whole, but not a brilliant story either.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Being Special
7,030 Words
By Taranth
There are so many instances where people get an idea that might be interesting or feel new, then write it into something small and ultimately pointless. I can count a half-dozen stories like this right off the bat: “Here’s an idea, I’m done.” All of you people who get the inkling to write something like that in your heads? Read this and see how it’s done.
In Being Special, we find that Twilight has spent the last few years working on a private project designed to improve weather production by leaps and bounds, essentially ending an ongoing weather crisis. But when she completes the research and introduces her project to Celestia, she is given the last response she ever expected: a cold, unexplained “no.” Now feeling like a failure, Twilight tries to understand why she failed. Then Luna has a talk with her.
This story was fascinating on multiple levels. We have an in-depth look at a new perspective on cutie marks and their importance in pony societal development. This gets combined with the effects of technology on such a society, especially the comparison of rapid improvements vs. slow, steady learning. Add to that a new interpretation of the socio-economic reasons leading up to Luna’s banishment 1,000 years ago. And the best part of all? Every corner of this trifecta is melded into a seamless, logical whole.
I am beyond impressed. This story takes ‘Equestrian history lesson’ to all new heights, with Luna acting as the perfect teacher. Couple that with a story largely well-written; Twilight’s misery and panic at the beginning of the story felt real and perfectly in tune with her in-show counterpart. At no point did I feel like the author was lecturing me, which usually occurs in such stories due to forced characterizations or reactions that are blessedly absent in this one. The pacing is solid too, avoiding the pitfalls of rushing to the story’s point with an opening that feels real and an explanation that comes casually.
It’s nice to finally see someone handle this correctly. I have nothing but praise for Being Special and will be looking forward to the next Taranth story that comes along.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Calling Rarity
2,607 Words
By Loyal
Recommended by Steel Resolve
Time to confess to a little secret: once I’ve decided to read a story and add it to my RiL or whatever list it goes into, I promptly forget everything about it. This is not a matter of it being out of mind, but a matter of choice. It’s going to be a long time before I read these stories, and part of the fun is the surprise of not knowing what I’m getting into. When I finally get to it for reading, I don’t look at the tags, check the character list or even glance at the description. No, I just jump in and hope for the best.
Which is why when I jumped into this story I suspected it was going to be some oddball piece about Rarity getting creepy phone calls or something. I mean, look at that cover art. Does that not just scream 'stalker'?
Instead, it’s about how Fluttershy gets one of the very first telephones, invented by Twilight of course. Taking place around three years after the Mane 6 have split up to live their separate lives, it follows Fluttershy’s attempt to contact Rarity in Manehattan, if only for the sake of hearing the voice of the pony she loves once more. How curious, then, that Rarity’s voicemail has a very personal message for her.
One thing bugged me about this concept right away, and that was how advanced the phones already were. These things are supposed to be completely new technology, at most six months old. Somehow in that very brief time the ponies of Equestria have created a national system of communication, already have thought of how to develop voicemail, have perfected the sound system for the device, and Rarity has even developed a formal, professional, modern method of using her phone for business purposes. I get it, this is a land of magical talking ponies, so a little fantasy is to be expected, but this seemed like a ridiculous leap for a nation that has yet to develop beyond coal-powered trains in the years since the show’s inception.
Then again, Pinkie once referenced laser defense systems and Rainbow wore an astronaut costume for Nightmare Night, so I may be balking at nothing.
If you ignore the questionable premise behind the story, you get something curious. It’s honestly not much, little more than a few scenes of Fluttershy trying to get over some jitters and call her onetime lover. In that sense, it’s not anything special.
Calling Rarity still has a strange charm to it, though. It’s not something easy to describe. Perhaps it’s how well written it is, or how clearly Fluttershy’s character is brought forward. Maybe it’s the simple, subtle romance that lingers in the background yet somehow drives the events. Seriously, I have no idea. For as pointless as this story is in the overall, it somehow had me smiling by the end.
Perhaps I am just so much of a shipper that the little bit provided was all I needed.
I’m miffed, and to be frank, I don’t think this will do the job for everyone. Fans of Fluttershy? Sure. Fans of the RariShy ship? Perhaps. I suppose I’ll throw Slice-of-Lifers in the mix too. But for so much nothing going on, I can’t help but think there will be some people who will roll their eyes and look elsewhere. I am not one of them, and I came away pleased, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least mention the strangeness by which I come away with that feeling.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Her Shield, His Heart
32,284 Words (Incomplete)
By RoyalBardofCanterlot
Requested by RoyalBardofCanterlot
The author who gave us the decent The Care and Raising of Pegasii asked I take a look at his ongoing tale of Cadance’s and Shining Armor’s lives together. This is not a “how they met” story or anything of that sort, but is instead a simple recounting of their lives together, beginning not long after A Canterlot Wedding. Like the previously mentioned story, this doesn’t take on a single lengthy plot but meanders down a path of daily events, ongoing developments, occasional pitfalls and the big story arc or two. Whether that method is a good thing will likely be up to the individual reader.
Part of me likes the concept. I’ve seen it done plenty of times with the more popular characters (The AppleDash Project comes to mind) with great success. Add to that how little I read about either Cadance or Shining and I was at least intrigued. As the story went on, I found myself approving of a number of drastic revisions in their established history, from the dramatic shift in the lives of Shining’s parents (a war general and a teacher? Curious) to the alterations of Cadance’s backstory into something completely removed from all things canon. I do like to see revisions of this sort.
But throughout the story, two things bothered me. The first is that this story really does look as though it may follow in the same path as The Care and Raising of Pegasii, specifically in that there’s no set theme, goal or intent. Pegasii ended in a way that was terribly lackluster, and I can’t help but fear that Her Shield, His Heart is set to fall down that same cliff. Making a bunch of somewhat unrelated story arcs is fine in theory, but if they don’t all lead into something climactic for the true ending then what is it all for? Still, the story’s not over yet (I only got to chapter 13), so this remains only a niggling worry in the back of my head.
The second issue is the real problem with this tale, and it will be a deal killer for a lot of people. From beginning to end, I had trouble getting invested in this story and its characters. I just wasn’t enjoying myself, and I struggled to understand why. It finally dawned upon me at around chapter 11: it is utterly devoid of atmosphere. A simple summary channels about the same level of emotion as this story manages, and that’s all because the Bard makes no effort to build up the scenes.
I can go to any chapter and easily find a good example of what I’m talking about. Like this:
Shining was about to stride forward with his head held high and volunteer to quest for the relic when Cadence's knee's buckled and the glow around her horn vanished. He caught her in his arms just as she collapsed. "Twily..." He whimpered, not caring how broken he sounded. He felt broken as he stared down at the exhausted body of his wife. The sapphire dome warped, twisted and was finally enveloped by darkness. A being made from living shadow loomed over the city, its bloodcurdling laugh echoing near the ancient towers.
Roughly translated: “This happened, then this happened, then this happened and it was emotional, then this happened, then this happened, then this happened. Why aren’t you horrified?”
Answer: “Because you have made no effort to bring depth to the situation.”
Every single scene runs like this. Every. Single. One. With the exception of some bland, telly one-liners declaring what a character’s emotion happens to be, the Bard limits the entire story to events. There’s no attempt to bring forward the despair in Shining as he is unable to help his wife, or the horror Cadance supposedly feels as Sombra leers over her in her dreams. Telling us she wept doesn’t count, especially when that weeping comes in such weak forms as this:
Shining ran a hoof through her mane. She wept into his neck as he laid his head atop hers. After a while, she stopped. "Wow. That feels better. Been holding that in for a long time."
Bear in mind that little paragraph contains the entire reaction and recovery Cadance undergoes after retelling the supposedly tragic, heartwrenching tale of her past. Yes, that’s it. Excuse me while I yawn.
Bard, this is not how you draw in your audience. Don’t just tell us what is happening and what the characters are feeling. Show us. It will take longer and it may test your writing skills, but doing that would make this story exponentially better.
In the end, the drab writing killed this story for me very early on. The Bard has some interesting ideas and ways to implement them, but without the wordsmithery needed to back it up it all falls flat. I only hope the Bard takes the issues produced in this experience and learns from them.
Letters from a Little Princess Monster
85,142 Words
Continuation - "Thoughts, Shots and Lollipops" to "Reunions and Regrets"
By Georg
As promised, I have finally returned to Georg’s ongoing series about a filly-fied alicorn Twilight Sparkle, known as Monster to herself and as Menace by her teacher Trixie. Since I know that Georg may never really finish the story, I decided to review it in bits and pieces, which both lets me enjoy the story as it goes and gives Georg time to expand upon it at his own pace. For those of you not in the know, in this AU Twilight lost control of her powers during her entrance exam and spent twelve years living wild in the Everfree Forest. At this point in the story she lives in Ponyville with her adoptive mother Zecora struggling to adapt to ‘normal’ life.
The arcs that I covered this time ranged from Twilight getting her vaccinations (an ordeal more harrowing for Trixie than for Twilight), undergoing her magical evaluation/aptitude tests (definitely more harrowing for Twilight), and attempting to meet her biological parents (harrowing for all involved).
This series held my interest with far greater ease than the last few I’ve read. I believe this is due to a combination of Georg improving upon his writing style and the events being more interesting on the whole. The ill-advised joke tangents are less frequent, for which I was very pleased. But the most interesting aspect of all is that the characters are growing, and clearly so.
In no character is this more apparent than in Trixie. While still bitter, boastful and at times fearful, she has grown steadily into a friend for Twilight, to the point of seeming more akin to a begrudgingly loving big sister than an unwilling teacher. Some scenes reveal just how drastic her evolution has been, particularly when she actually manages to give advice and comfort to Twilight that is – wait for it – sound and wise. Her ego might not have lessened all that much, but I love to watch Trixie in this story.
There were a few issues, none of them too serious. The biggest problem would be in the “Evaluations, Stations, and Recommendations” arc, which gets a little confusing fairly quickly with so many different things happening at once. I’m not even talking about the ‘Twilight Triplets” problem, which didn’t bother me anywhere near as much as it apparently did others. A small army of new characters are shoved into the narrative without much explanation or apparent purpose, and these characters are rapidly treated as though they’re going to be new staples of the story. While I gradually got used to their presence, I think their arrival in the story could have been smoothed over, especially the army of foals. The arc was troublesome enough without us having to learn a dozen new names and character quirks. Georg smoothed this out with time, weeding out the characters we didn’t actually need, but the opening problem remains.
I still thoroughly enjoyed this set of arcs in the story, and will be looking forward to my next batch.
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXV
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews: Round Robin Edition
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXIX
Paul's "Wait! It's Not Thursday!" Reviews
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXI
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXXIII
Want me to review your story? Send me a request! Check my profile page for rules.
Ok, sure, have some requests. I'm not bothering with any comedies this time because I've figured out by now that our senses of humor are just too different.
Pie Family Weirdness: The Secret Origin
I gave this one a clickbait title to draw in views and it backfired horribly. I put a lot of thought into this one, though, so I'd love a review.
The Pony Who Lived Upstairs
This is my current favorite romance story on the entire site. I won't spoil much beyond that, but I will say it's the prime example of a well-executed humanXpony relationship, with some philosophical musings on the side.
Your Own Worst Enemy
I'm just going to quote myself for this one:
Notably, you don't need to have read the prequel to understand this story; skipping it did not hamper my enjoyment in the least.
Daring Do and the Secret of the Sunken City
A damn good adventure story, arguably the epitome of the genre by fimfic standards. Expect both literal and metaphorical cliffhangers.
So, we've got a "Please read my story I swear it's not crap!", an unpleasantly long story that's sure to clog up my reading schedule, a sequel to a story I'd really rather read first, and at least one that might actually have potential. [/sarcasm]
Consider it done!
gonna have to give Icky Sicky Pinkie another read through. I don't remember it and I'm sure if it is romance based I have read it at some point.
Did you ever do a review of Shimmer of Magic by Hakuno? It's an awesome story, but it just finished a few months ago. Romance starring Trixie and Sunset Shimmer right after the events of the first movie. It has quite a different tone and keeps Sunset's darker attitude that the second movie basically tossed away.
I'd also prod at you on some of my Mauxie stories, but it looks like you just read one of mine, so I wouldn't want to be selfish.
One of the problems I've had with Monster and twice that in Letters is Character Cascade, i.e. what are all these ponies doing here? It's really good practice for writing.
> Monster has over twenty major characters.
> Letters uses anywhere from four to six as guest-stars during each arc.
To add to the confusion, the Lemons arc covers the 5F1C international lemonade consortium. Yes to guest stars.
Lessons in Flight adds to the confusion by mind-swapping Scoots and Diamond Tiara.
Mirror-rorriM includes both a trip by Trixie to Flax and Wheats Spa (more guest stars) and Monster's trip to Funland with *each* of the Mane 6's actress dopplegangers.
24 introduces Landwyrm and the dragon egg.
The arcs also include Trixie's patented good advice to the little Twilight Sparkle
“Sure,” said Trixie with a wave of one hoof as she settled back down to rest her aching head. “You’re the responsible one in that mobile disaster zone. Go be responsible.”
4503613 Well, I could always bug you to review The One Who Got Away and the longer sequel Drifting Down the Lazy River⁽*⁾.
(*) Caution: Contains seaponies. Adorable cute little seaponies.
Heya!
I'm glad you enjoyed Being Special, though I'll be the first to admit it's probably by far the weakest of my works. I remain somewhat embarrassed by how much attention it got, though that was probably what actually encouraged me to keep writing - And I fear you probably shouldn't hold your breath on more works from me any time soon. :(
However if you like the more thoughtful 'how-does-this-setting-even-work' works I would point you towards my fic Happy Endings (it's about the story type, not the euphemism type) as I'd love to hear your opinion on that. It didn't get nearly the same attention as the first, but I consider it a far superior work, personally.
Also, this:
4503753
Thank you again, for both the review and the praise!
4503613
I know they might look unappealing at first, but trust me, you'll appreciate these. Well, at least the latter three. Mine is mediocre in comparison.
Hm. You've already got 3 of my stories in your RIL, so I don't feel right asking for more. Though as I said before, only one of the three is what I'd call upper-tier. Of course, your like of Mayor Mare makes another of them a good choice for you personally, even if it's nothing that'll amaze you.
Does a story need to be complete for it to qualify?
4503700
Anywho, Shimmer of Magic is now on my (rapidly expanding) list.
Doesn't seem like selfishness is stopping anyone else.
4503894
I didn't mean to suggest they didn't look interesting, just wanted to poke a bit of fun.
4503956
Not to mention the 30 or so I still have that you recommended way back when, and of which I still intend to rad every single one.
4504189
It is preferred, but by no means required. If you just want someone to explain how you're doing so far, I do that too. Although with how full my request list is now, it may just be that you'll finish it by the time I finally get to it!
Huh. Frankly, I like a story to move. I saw nothing wrong with the paragraph excerpts from my story you presented. No accounting for taste.
4643412
Strange. So are you suggesting you actually manage to get an emotional response when reading something like that?
...
I guess I just can't understand how some people read. Or perhaps why they do.
4643464
I've read far too many crime noir novels, probably. I would like to thank you for reviewing my story. It's always nice to receive feedback.
4643900
You are very welcome!