Site Post » Reviews Round 14! · 3:33am Feb 6th, 2013
各位先生小姐老妈老爸弟妹们，大家好！！！ 逢着这农历新年，我们有意向大家祝福，祝你新年快乐，万事如意，龙马精神等之类的。那么各位当中有可能有几位发现我们少了一轮 - 第十三 - 原因很间单。十三毕竟是不吉利的,而西亚德天使从不会渺视对风水幸运。想这上次我们受养一只街边带回的黑猫，它第二天逃走，还把厨房和垃圾桶翻得天地不别。。。凶运真可怕。
为各位不是什么庆祝农历的，我们在这儿又有佳选读物，希望大家都能支持支持，享受此故事！
STORY 1
Saturday, by Bulletproof
“Huh?”
Sometimes, your readers will utter the above comment out loud. Nine times out of ten, it’s the kiss of death. The reader is confused, you the author are probably to blame, the user has Ctrl-W’d and is now reading one of the other thirty seven thousand stories on this site. Hopefully they left a comment explaining where you lost them, but sometimes you have better odds of winning the Mega Millions jackpot. Better luck next story.
However, one time out of ten, “huh?” is your story’s hook, raison d'être, and climax.
My apologies for the bold & pretentious example.
Saturday is not confusing on the surface level. It’s actually a bit dull at times—deliberately so, given the setting. It’s less a question of “what’s going on?” and more about “yes, but why?” This is a story about a patient at a mental institution. Sure, I can understand not using Screw Loose to avoid being cliche as f
ck, but why use Lyra instead? Okay, that gets explained... but that just leaves more questions! Why is she in there? Oh. But then why is she so apathetic about her treatment? Hmm. But then... The story walks a delicate line between explaining itself and remaining enigmatic, as it builds up toward the climax. And then the horseshoe drops.
And then you flip to the epilogue, and the other horseshoe drops.
It’s a very intriguing example of story pacing and buildup. It wasn’t without fault—while deliberate, it was disappointing that Lyra was difficult to connect to, and some of the “dull” moments seemed to exist solely to paint the “dull” environment and lacked followup—but what it does well, it does excellent. For those of you writing that SoL or Romance or Sad story that just seems unable to draw your readers in, take note.
I’m pretty glad I found this one before the holiday season kicked in, because this is a pretty sombre story.
Saturday is a look at a day in the life of Lyra, mental hospital patient. Now I’m sure many of us have, when younger, made giggles and faces and other unfortunate gestures at the mention of the funny farm. Some of us still do. But there’s not much to laugh at in what we see here. Lyra wakes up, has her meals, participates in activities, and all the while only has her loneself for company. Sounds mundane, right? Yet the story pulls it off well because of the gravity of the way the author handles the subject matter. For one, the events are never simply as they are - they’re given through Lyra’s perspective, no more, no less. And the way she sees things is unique yet relatable. The quirks and the small details in things, the things she notices and the way she interprets them - it’s a consistent, skillful, intimate style and grasp of character that carries a good deal more nuance than you’d expect at face value.
The well-voiced narration, coupled with a well-planned plot that explores the aspects of what is essentially the life of a resigned prisoner, makes for impressively strong characterization despite its short length, and more importantly, an understanding of the character Lyra is, which makes the ending so much more chilling. Because when the mundane has ended, and the real trouble begins, that sense of control she’s shown to have is suddenly lost, and I was left wide-eyed as the “norm”, the status quo established, was shattered. The way the twist comes at you is effective and quite stunning, and is a pretty darn smart jab at fandom!Lyra at large because of how sombre it is - not only is, but feels - but then comes the second twist, and that breaks the final straw.
If anything, this is an example of what a well-done setup can do. For as little as 186 words, my mind was blown. The story itself does a pretty good job of being interesting, but cap it off with the ending(s), and you have something that, personally, feels like the antithesis of fulfilling. And that’s impressive.
Read it if you don’t mind having your world go a little grayer, or if you, hey, like reading at all.
Lyra loves humans. She really like hands, too. This is a common fanon concept, but how exactly does this apply to Equestrian society? I mean, that sort of obsession can’t be a typical thing for a pony, right? Well, Bulletproof took that idea and ran with it.
Saturday depicts a typical day in the life of Lyra the mental hospital patient. It turns out ponies do in fact find Lyra’s strange obsession to be, well, strange. And unfortunately for her, that means spending quality time in an unpleasant mental hospital. Everything she does is carefully controlled. When she arts, it has to be something from the hospital. When she eats, she can’t have double hash browns (the horror!) nor can she trade her food with others. And that’s the first strength of this story. The restrictions placed upon Lyra and the other patients set the tone for the story. And this depressing realism paints a grim picture.
This grim picture then transitions to a message of hope. By all accounts, Lyra is now in control of her life. Things are looking up for her. And to top things off, every Saturday is highlighted by a visit from Bon Bon. This picture of hope is in stark contrast to the earlier picture of depressing monotony. And that contrast makes it stand out that much more.
However, that grim picture was painted for a reason beyond creating that contrast. Not everything is destined for a happy ending. And this ending is no different; it drops two big revelations on you back-to-back. Without giving too much away, those revelations make the story. And they make the story something very much worth reading.
A large part of what drives fans to read and write fanfiction is to go “beyond” what the source material offers. Friendship Is Magic is a great show (if you’re reading this, you likely agree, if only w.r.t. Season One), and there’s a joy in its lighthearted beauty. But conversely, there are some areas the show will never go at all, or never go with a certain spin, and it can be fun to explore these, either as a reader or writer. For Romance in this fandom, that typically means making your favorites fall in lesbians with each other and proceeding to sloppy makeouts. For Dark, well, the whole genre is “beyond” this show. For Human, Human is not a genre.
For Adventure, well, adventure stories are hardly unprecedented in the show. Heck, the series opener was an adventure! But out of necessity, the show can only go so far in terms of content. Sure, you can stop lords of chaos or resolve temporal loops, but DHX will never Michael Bay it up and have car chases and sex and explosions! So if we’re going Adventure, then let’s pull out all the stops! Time to put out an adventure that’ll knock Kkat’s socks off! Confound this fandom. That expression has no business sounding dirty. Go big or go home! Time for a epic!
Stormy Seas says bollocks to that. Raindrops rides a boat.
No, like, not even this. They just... ride a boat. Sorry, I mean, a ship.
It’s a more homely and down-to-earth Adventure, and the dual tag with Slice-of-Life fits it well. The act of sailing creates an adventure in-and-of-itself, and... Okay, I know I’m sounding like a broken record in these reviews. I keep harping this one point each week I’m on to review. Heck, my personal blog had comments to this effect just last Friday. But I’ll keep repeating it until I drive the point home and see the quality of the average story rise. Namely, the most important element of most fanfiction, but especially FIM fanfiction, is Twilestia strong characters. The show has well-defined characters, and if you can’t pony up in your own story, it will feel noticeably lacking. Raindrops Keep Falling delivers not just with a strong characterization for Raindrops (a popular background pony who, unlike some like Lyra or Derpy, doesn’t have much fanon consensus, to my knowledge), nor just a completely original character in Salty Breeze (admittedly a touch cliche, but really owns the role nevertheless), but it’s the interaction of these two that really sells the fic. The story is unabashedly character-driven, and it’s terrific for it.
Granted, I’m intentionally misselling this story a tiny bit. It’s not all smooth sailing and there is in fact a more concrete adventure element towards the end. But that’s not at the heart of this story. That adventury bit is more like... an actualization, a galvanization. The story’s strength lies in the heart, the banter, the self-discovery, and the character development. If the author can pull that off with mostly original characters, they’re a force to be reckoned with.
After finishing a batch of new books, I started re-reading some old classics to while away the time spent waiting for Megaman X Command Mission to load. One of them was The Water Babies by Charles Kingsley. It’s a very British, traditional-styled book, which is great if you like that kind of thing; it’s a very sit-down-to-immerse kind of experience which is, imo, one of the best ways to read for leisure.
Raindrops Keep Falling is a sit-down-to-immerse kind of experience. It doesn’t have the flashy cover art, the provocative synopsis, or the life-or-death gambits that makes hot-list stories. The [Normal] tag pretty much covers what I felt reading the first few thousand words; while there’s no flashing magic battles or eldritch abominations resurrected for Celestia-knows-what-reason as a filly, there is a backdrop and a cast set up solidly and effectively, with a relatable conflict that many of us have at least dipped in at one point or another.
Raindrops, you see, doesn’t like what she was destined to do, and shifts listlessly between mundane jobs. She just doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life, and the frustration is well-executed; any less mature, and it would have come across as whiny, but I was almost nodding in approval. It’s frustration she can’t escape, and has resigned herself to, until her friend gets her on a vacation.
While the plot is relatively tame - Raindrops rides a boat, discovers the beauty of the sea, then a life-thr spoilers, and then the ending - what won me over was the solid style and the evident care and heart of the descriptions and interactions.
Let’s face it, I’m a sucker for skilled writing. It’s why I reply Vladimir Nabokov when I’m asked who my favourite author is, and why I like (reasonably) dense prose. Raindrops Keep Falling does not exhibit dense prose; what it does have is effective prose that paints beautiful, vivid pictures, and interactions that show you the characters of the two ponies clearly. The dialogue is honest and light, and the simple appreciation and wonder Salty Breeze has for his life on the sea rubs off on you. Raindrops Keep Falling, while styled [Normal], truly is an adventure at its core. It’s a delicious reading experience that you can relax and soak in, given that you’ve got the right mood going in.
I make a special note of that because I have this strange unfounded fear that readers these days are getting increasingly twitchy - that, or I’m just a slower-geared reader. If you reckon Michael Bay is an unparalleled genius and what he did for Transformers was the best thing evar, this isn’t for you. If you’re looking for something quick and easy - Raindrops is 12k words long - this isn’t for you. But for the rest of you with some time to spare, looking for something good to read, let this be the push to get your cruise on the seas going. Set sail and enjoy the ride.
“I don’t like my cutie mark!” or, “I feel weighed down by my cutie mark. I can’t do what I really want.” or even, “I don’t even know what my cutie mark means!” We’ve all seen these sorts of stories before, and with good reason. It’s an interesting concept to explore. What exactly do these cutie marks mean? And since they seem happy enough with them in the show, can a pony be discontent with his/her cutie mark? Well, Stormy Seas here decided he (he?) was going to explore that concept with everyone’s favorite background pony, Raindrops. What? She’s not your favorite? For shame!
As the description suggests, Raindrops is not at all content with her lot in life. She wasn’t too big a fan of being a weathermare, and she just got fired from her most recent job. Her good friend, Seafoam, decides it is the perfect time for a calm, soothing vacation. After all, what better than a cruise to clear one’s head? And this is where the story moves from solid to really quite entertaining. The interactions between Raindrops and ship’s captain, Salty Breeze, really make this next segment of the story very interesting. The author has done a wonderful job of establishing and then developing these characters. Everything is woven together so seamlessly that they almost seem like well-established characters from much longer stories.
And then we reach the final segment of the story. Again, as the description suggests, the cruise doesn’t exactly go as planned. What was once a peaceful trip on the calm ocean waters becomes a thrilling tale of self-discovery. Without spoiling too much, things go awry, and Raindrops finally makes peace with her cutie mark. And it was all the more meaningful because of the excellent characterization throughout the story. An excellent story from start to finish, this one is definitely worth a read.
Okay, before we begin, let me explain something using a language that everyone can clearly understand: dated memes.
Go ahead. Make a comment whining about how old this meme is. I can do worse.
Yeah, no joke. Pinkie breaking the fourth wall is essentially the jumping-off point of this story-slash-writing-experiment, and it only gets more absurd from there. If that sounds like a turn-off—and you people know who you are—this will not be the story to change your mind. Sorry, you only get two stories this week.
Now on the other hoof, some of you—and you people know who you are—love a guilty indulgence of fourth wall degradation, a decadent helping of non-sequitur and one-liners, a saucy smorgasbord of “y’know what, why not? Let’s just roll with it and see what happens.” For you, gentle reader? Enjoy.
What primarily interested me in this fic was the manner of the fourth-wall-breaking. Most of the time, when I’ve read Pinkie breaking the fourth wall, there tend to be a few popular types of breakages. Pinkie references the outside universe’s existence. Lampshades that they’re all in a story. Has read ahead and knows how the story ends. References pop culture or a meme. Y’know, the standard stuff. It occurs, it’s a non-sequitur and therefore hilarious, and then everypony awkwardly returns to their business. I have never been guilty of doing this myself. Nope. Never.
Where Cuppins goes differently is that this isn’t a fourth-wall-breaking fic, so much as fourth-wall-disregarding. It actually reminded me a lot of a tabletop roleplaying session. You have the author as the DM, with meticulous plans and serious intent. And then you have Ms. Pie as That One Player, the one who has her own idea about what the story is going to be, and who will break character at every juncture to debate and browbeat the DM until she gets to steer the adventure whereever she pleases, while the DM’s meticulous notes are ruined with his tears. I have never been guilty of doing this myself. Nope. Never. Mix in some bizarre happenstance and silly one-liners, and it’s that one game that you and your friends will be hyuking about for the rest of the week.
But really, I can’t one-up the humor here, so I won’t bother to try. Check your scruples and your sanity at the door, and give it a read.
I suppose the most accessible selling point for this story is that it’s a story that involves the wall between author and character being broken (which I’ll refer to somewhat callously as meta for convenience*), except done well. So I’ll get that out of the way first.
What’s the story about? There’s two answers: one is the “story proper” which the author writes, and one is the overarching one, the story of interactions between Pinkie Pie and the author. Most self-aware stories usually end up being nothing more than the second, which provides nothing but thin novelty; Bob From Bottles manages the impressive feat of developing both and consolidating them into a single narrative, making Cuppins not only a solid story in itself, but also a uniquely layered one.
The story proper is not intended to be a comedy in the established context. What it is is a light-toned story about Pinkie making cuppins, until a burst of inspiration has him change the direction to an unexplained drought hitting Ponyville. It’s well-written and interesting in its own right, and would read like a normal story on its own if not for the way the second layer is weaved.
The overarching story is Pinkie Pie voicing her objections and, well, being Pinkie Pie. The author keeps her quiet long enough for the story proper to get some foundations laid, which gives the overall fic its strength; when the base is established, and Ponyville is in real trouble, Pinkie Pie steps in and, well, spoilers.
Was this a good comedy? While the buildup to the climax is well done and the tone wonderfully light, I wouldn’t call this a comedy per se. It didn’t get me laughing, although I was smiling throughout. What I find this to be is a interesting and unique story, both stylistically and in its own right, that kinda sits on its own in the sorting and comparing department and feels lonely because it can’t fit in.
Interesting and unique it is, and I couldn’t ask for more.
*The author is never aware of the audience. So while Pinkie breaks the limitations of her contextual medium, she doesn’t break the limitations of her actual medium. She breaks a false fourth wall, you could say, and the overall story is, if you think about it, actually not self-aware. If you took the narrator to be a normal character, the fic would be decidedly non-meta (what the proper definition is, I’ll never know, but hey). People who are sick of being referred to directly in their reading won’t have to deal with that.
Comedy. Random. One-shot. Pinkie Pie. Everything points to a silly little story that might bring a chuckle or two and then quickly get forgotten among the vast swarm of stories running around on this site. But this was not so. This was different from the rest. It takes the concept of “Pinkie breaks the fourth wall!” and instead of focusing solely on that, Bob From Bottles uses that to supplement the story.
So what does make this different? Well, it’s different in that the gimmick—Pinkie breaking the fourth wall—is used to build the narrative rather than be the narrative. Most stories take this gimmick and make it the whole story. Pinkie is smashing walls all over the place and the audience is never safe from her antics. But this, this is different. For one, the audience is never involved in the wall-smashing. Instead, the author becomes a character in the story. Meaning, when Pinkie is smashing walls, she’s communicating with the author, not the audience. And she gives him a couple ideas on where to take the story. That’s about the extent of the wall-breaking.
Okay, so, that’s nice and all. But what’s the point? Why have Pinkie even break the fourth wall to begin with? Well, you see, because of these interactions, an actual plot is developed from the wreckage of walls. And it all flows together seamlessly into a rather comical, zany adventure.
Sidenote: Don’t forget the cuppins. The cuppins are very important. All hail the cuppins!
☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐. ☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐? ☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐. ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐. ☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐ ☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐ ☐☐☐ ☐☐☐☐☐☐.
Oooh yay!
So, Red is a thing.
Chinese new year isn't til the tenth though
And now everything is blue... ow.
Watashi wat the hell did you type? Half those characters aren't even supported by my computer.
799912
Yes. Yes it is.
799912 Indeed it is!
Thanks for the reviews, the first couple look really good. The last one might be good... but I got bored and didn't finish reading the blog.... (I'm a bad person I know) I'll have to check them out!
le reddit memes xDDD
Xing nian kuai le!
Aiya, ni men yang ren jiu shi ze yang, zhen tian na me pantang1, shi san zi shi yi ge hao ma ba le! Shi san yiu bu hui hai si ren. Bu yao zhe me mi xing la!
(Happy Chinese new year!
Sigh, you westerners are always so superstitious, 13 is just a number! 13 won't kill you! Don't be so superstitious!)
1 Malay for superstitious.
799933
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw526_large.jpg
799912Yup.
Looking at this round of reviews, I notice three things:
1. Ordem e Progresso isn't here. Hmm... I'm sure Cassius will be fine.
2. Csquared08 is a reviewer now. Nice.
3. Round 14? But last week didn't have a Round 13, and the week before that was Round 12.
800007
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw3305_small.jpg
I got boxes for that last paragraph. Are those WingDings?
800007 dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw8949_small.jpg
800019
1. He'll deal with it.
2. They held me at swordpoint. Four swords, in fact. And one swod, whatever that is.
3. Shhhh
800051
I think you meant a "SORD..."
800019
#1 yes yes soon soon
#2 yep! Glad to have him on board!
#3 was explained in full detail in the introduction.
>MFW I'm still not getting reviewed ;_;
800083 Fine! I'll run it through Google Translate
... Thirteen an unlucky number? That's a matter of opinion.
800051 Yay, unintentional Legend of Zelda reference... and whatever the hell SORD is.
800109 Heh, I know that feel.
800143 One day...
One day...
Straight to the moon
800005
Ha? Ni shi ma lai ren lai de, ah?!
800277
)
Mei you la, wo shi xing jia po hua ren. Duo duo shao shao hui yi dian ma lai zhi.
(No, I'm Singaporean Chinese. So I more or less know a smattering of Malay words.
Ugh, my han yu ping ying is so rusty.
Edit: I just realized I didn't really answer the question. Fixed.
800288
Small world, my friend.
I keep seeing you pop up here and there in the places I go...
Bedok, represent, yo!
WATASHI NO BAKA
Now that the Japanese is out of my system... Have some more reviews!
800304
Cool, Jurong West here but I'm currently in Redmond, WA for DigiPen US student exchange. Had to spend my Chinese new year away from my family.
How dare you knock kkat's socks off. That isn't nice
800030
EDIT: Pav did the magic. But it wasn't Wingdings...
800288
I'm Malaysian myself. =P It was nice of Pav and C^2 to play along, though. Festivities for everyone!
799918
I think the shopping malls here would like to have a word with you.
800631
Cool, nice to see people from our region in the wild wild west.
800083>>800134
Actually, no, I didn't mean "SORD." I meant "Swod." Blame Corejo and his typos
And this is exactly what I got from Google Translate...
I swear I'm going to learn this language one day.
799912 dave? when have you been?
801383 Not entirely accurate, but close enough.
Also, I'm learning Chinese, and It's a pain.
800083 You know, I think there's actually a bit of irony here. Isn't 4 an unlucky number in Chinese culture? And yet your special Lunar New Year review was for Round 14.
... Yes, it took me nearly four months to realize this.
800288
Hooray! I am from Singapore too!