1 Introduction

Author's Notes:

This is my first story so probably sucks and I’m going to write any chapter I do in bed with my phone without major editorial work but I want to put this story into motion and you really don’t know if your good at something til you try. Anyway constructive criticism is totally welcome and if somehow someone reads this and wants a prologue I’ll try to write something. Don’t expect consistent chapters or even for this to be finished, really comes down to how much time I have and if I feel like writing.

Edit: Depending on when you read this, I’ve either made or am making the prologue currently. Seeing how some people skip prologues it’s not exactly important that you read it however it might answer questions you have... might. Anyways I will not edit this chapter anymore than I already have unless it’s something like a spelling error so that I can see how far I’ve come with my writing. Anyways I hope you enjoy!

Intro
I’d rather not start this with a cliche “it all started” or tell you how I’m even currently in Equestria but, with something tasteful instead. I live with a purple pony named Twilight Sparkle, in a big ass tree located within a town populated entirely with ponies (dragon exception), and somehow they all speak the same language with many of the same troupes as humans.

Now I didn’t plan on living with anyon-
Anypony, so stupid, but the higher ups or the ‘princesses’ suggested that I learn the “power of friendship” with Ponyvilles own friendship connoisseur Twilight. It was mainly the idea of the larger one Celestia who carries a white coat with golden attire/armor. Apparently Twilight seems to see Celestia as a motherly figure however, this isn’t just her as the peop-
Ponies, still fucking stupid, seem to all see her that way.

My ‘incident’ that brought me here was a little over a week ago and the ponies here have been wonderful at helping me adapt. I’m an alien and pretty strange looking one comparative to the species living on this planet as they have no history of apes or Homo sapiens at all.

I should give you a little rundown of my appearance as it’ll make it easier to paint a picture of each scene.

I myself am 5’8 which leaves ponies heads around my lower chest area with the exception of the two princesses which both stand roughly neck height to me (did I mention they’re also goddesses? Terrifying). While not exactly conditioned, I am fitted at 160 lbs or 72.5 kg for the metric system gang. I carry brownish blonde curly hair that reaches down to my eyebrows and halfway down the back of my neck. My eyebrows are my best feature in my opinion, with a bushy but, kept condition and are placed where they should be right above my grayish blue eyes. Usually they carry dark circles thanks to my insomnia but, that’s getting off topic.

I am a white male, carrying an average peen, and my face carries a light stubble that seems to gleam red in sunlight due to those dirty genetics that’s understanding eludes me. When I was brought over I was wearing my gray college hoodie (insert whatever school tickles your fancy here) over a black t-shirt along with brown khakis and black converse shoes.

If I had know I’d be living in a town with muddy roads for the foreseeable future I definitely would’ve chosen the Tims for this but, that’s wishful thinking at this point as these chucks have seen better days now.

Now that you can see me in your head which I’m sorry for, we can move to the ponies I know currently.

Although I struggle with names, I do know the local seamstress’s name as Rarity and she’s one of these elements or something so likely an important figure or on the periodic table, I have no clue. Along with importance she’s generous as hell, as with my arrival, once she discovered the story of my occurrence here, she’s been nice enough to provide me with a free extra set of clothing for every occasion. Can you believe that?

She’s not the only one though that’s been helpful to adjusting which I should mention is stressful as fuck. I mean imagine already standing out by being the only doofus on two feet in the whole damn town and then you tower above the crowd like a lighthouse beaten by the waves of colorful Equestrians. Besides the dragon I mentioned earlier which, I should provide you somewhat of a description of seeing how he lives in the same tree as me, I’m quite the outsider.

Not saying that I haven’t always been an outsider, I mean I consider myself introverted and disliked the presence of others most times but, with these ponies, they generally aren’t half bad. Besides their over the top optimism, they are very ‘for the people’ or I should say ‘for the ponies’ when it comes to their decision making. They really put us humans to shame when it comes to getting together for a just cause.

I’m getting off topic however, so let’s go back to the little drake living with me. Frighting as a dragon sounds, he’s anything but. Firstly he goes by just Spike, and is a purple dragon with green spikes running along his body. He roughly reaches my waist in height and is a fellow biped like your boy here. When comparing him to ponies, I’d say he’s at around half a foot shorter than them. Besides his appearance, he’s a pretty cool kid, I mean he’s like the only male I really know right now so bros have to look out for each other you know?

When I’m not pestering the little guy, he’s generally doing something for Twilight as she’s like his mother, friend, and boss all bunched in one. Another goofy fact about Spike is his obvious affection for Rarity, and I mean painfully obvious. He drools over her and if you think I pass up the opportunity to mess with him, your dead wrong buster.

Continuing with introducing my roommates, the other is Twilight Sparkle, she’s a big nerd. She’s a purple pony like I mentioned before, with dark lavender hair along with a single stream of pink highlight near the middle. She’s also a unicorn which apparently exist here and can also use magic. Yea, magic you heard me, shits bonkers. Unicorns can preform all types of acts like telekinesis, teleporting, remedies. It’s unbelievably amazing yet terrifies me of the power they wield so nonchalant.

Back to Twilight, she loves books, reading, practicing magic, science, and friendship (cringe). Due to our time living together, she’s probably my closest friend however, that isn’t saying much as I’ve only been here for less than two weeks. I try not to be a burden to her and help around as much as I can but, I feel like I should be paying rent, it’s a nice place.

Her tree home which has a chimney by the way, not sure how that doesn’t kill us all but, doubles as the town library. The main library is lined with several bookshelves along each wall with one of those ladders with the wheels, you know the one, for each side of bookshelves. A set of main stairs leads up into the living quarters of the home separated by a door at the top step. The living quarters starts off with a kitchen and dining room area all combined without any walls or dividers. The dining room is partially part living room as well with two large purple couches surrounding a table. At the opposite end of the stairs that lead toward the library section, there is another set of stairs going up a narrow hallway leading to the bedrooms of the home, Twilights being at the very end of the hall. It’s a lovely home and surprisingly doesn't really smell of oak at all.

Moving on from my roommates and my current living quarters, the other few ponies I know are Twilights closest friends. I’ve practically been added to their little friend circle much to my demise, so I know roughly 5-10 peop-
Ponies, I will get that down.

The next member of the ‘elements’ and member of Twilights circle would be Rainbow Dash. Even though I struggle with names, this ponies wasn’t hard to remember. She’s literally covered with a rainbow mane and tail, yea it sounds as gay as it looks. Her coat is cyan which contrasts well with her pink eyes and, she’s the most athletic of the group. She claims to be the fastest flyer in Equestria and has the biggest tomboy personality I’ve ever met. Besides pissing me off with her pranks, she always tries to get me to compete against her in random shit. Annoying as she can be, she is trying to help me fit in with her own way which I can appreciate. She’s like a second bro beside Spike but, without a dick and I’d say she understands me the most out of the rest of Twilight and the gang.

Next is Pinkie Pie, where do I begin? Pinkie is pink, with fluffy cotton candy like hair. Her explosive personality is often times too much for me to handle including her idea of having a ‘welcome to Equestria’ party the day of my arrival. To say I was on the verge of a panic attack would be an understatement, I was defcon 1. I don’t hold a grudge as Pinkie only wants people to be happy and I feel like doesn’t spend enough time for herself. Also I know I said people in the previous sentence but, sometimes you just gotta fail to learn, that being said Pinkies failure to understand me caused that little mishap and we’ve smoothed over the issue since. I honestly feel like there’s something she’s keeping from everyone as that generally seems to go with how most jokesters are, trying to hide their pain through laughter. I promised myself to keep an eye on her as she’s proven to be a great friend that incident otherwise.

I should mention she does some stuff that’s better left unexplained, often times looking off in the distance like there’s a camera crew and audience, speaking to them in some 4th wall break comedy. I digress, as the next pony I should mention is Fluttershy.

She’s a Pegasus, which I forgot to mention is also a thing in Equestria, the same type of pony that Rainbow Dash is. Her yellow coat and pink mane fit her girly shyness well. She’s terrified of public situations, even more than me. Just like the rest of Twilights friends, her kindness has been like the warmth of basking in the sun after a long dip in the pool. She loves animals, probably too much, and is just wholesome in general. Although first terrified of me, she has grown to be one of the most caring of friends I’ve ever encountered. She’s precious and I’d fight to protect the innocence of that pony for the greater good, not that I’m a hero or anything.

Lastly, the final pony I haven’t mentioned is AJ. I’ll be honest I don’t remember her name right now off the top of my head however, Rainbow called her AJ the other day so it’s what I’m sticking with for now. She’s a standard pony but tough enough to make it into the Salty Spitoon. She’s tan, ironically the same color of like a suntan if you were white, and i do remember she has insanely green eyes. She wears a cowboy hat that covers her blonde mane which I believe had a ponytail out the back, don’t quote me on that I rarely see her as she’s usually busy on her family farm.

Now that we have our introductions finally out the way and I’ve bored you to sleep let’s get into how the fuck my story is where I am now.

I awoke from the light gleaming through the window of the guest bedroom directly into my sunken form. I lay there motionless but aware of my surroundings as I glance toward my clock to check the time. I only focus toward the short hand and see it’s sometime after 11, and my usually morning sickness begins to kick in. With my arrival, my entire sleep schedule has needed to adept to fit with my new life. By new life I mean I was told on my third day here that my residency would be of the permanent form as the princesses could find no way to return me home.

In my life on Earth, I worked the grave yard shift making this new acclimation a little slow at first however, today’s new record of 11 was proof to my effort in changing lifestyle. My feeling of nausea began to elevate as for some reason I couldn’t awake without this same delightful experience each morning. Now aware of the time, I knew I should get up but, the comfort and warmth of my silk sheets pulled me deeply, further into my bed.

It’s tough to get out of bed, let’s be real. It’s one of the best experiences of being alive!

The quiet morning only interrupted by light chirps of the morning birds followed by my own comfort found me slipping back into sleep, suddenly roused by a feeling brewing in my bladder.

“Fuck”
I whispered to myself as I began the journey of dressing myself for the day and headed toward the bathroom.

After finishing my business, I slugged my way toward the dining room only to be surprised by the smell of breakfast.

I thought Twilight and Spike would’ve ate breakfast hours ago? Only to remember that Twilight had taken the day off in order to prepare for some testing on my body’s reaction to magic.

I shudder at the thought of something going wrong. I mean humans don’t use magic or have ever seen it so what makes Twilight think hitting me up with some experimental magic won’t mutate me or fuck with my DNA?

Once I round the corner I see Twilight glossing over the newspaper and Spike standing atop a small stool cooking today’s breakfast, which from what I can tell is pancakes and French toast.

It sounds heavenly for any morning but my own stomach disagrees with eating so soon after waking up.

“Wow, I can see somepony is making progress with waking up early huh?”

“Yea.....” I mumble back to Twilight low enough to almost come off as just a grumble.

Twilights smirk slowly begins to weaken but not before her eyebrows shift toward a look of discomfort.

“You know I was about to go wake you up bu- are you okay? You don’t look so good”

“I don’t handle mornings well”
I explain.
“Just give me a little bit Twi and I’ll be okay”

I flash her a tired smile in an attempt to relieve her from worrying about me, It works.

“Okay..., would you like something to eat? Maybe have some pancakes?”

She worries too much for me, I’m still pretty much a stranger living in her home and freeloading and yet she still is here trying to help me feel better.

“No thanks Twi, but I appreciate the concern. If there’s anyway I could be useful Twilight just say, I don’t like being a burden”

Before Twilight could interrupt my self deprecation, Spike approached the table with his and Twilights breakfast in hand while still wearing an apron (it’s tiny like him heh).

“Remember your Twilights test dummy today right? You find your uses.”

This draws a light chuckle from me.
“Yea, you’re right. Can’t afford to be sleeping in to miss that”
Sarcasm covers my speech.

“Spike! He’s our guest, show him a little more appreciation for being willing to help my studies! And your not a burden, I enjoy your company”

“It’s fine Twilight he’s just busting my balls, childish banter” Spikes joke still resonating a smile across my face.

Twilights face turns to one of confusion and embarrassment.
“H-he’s busting y-your balls?!?”

“Oh sorry” I run my hand against the back of my neck. “I didn’t realize that wasn’t a phrase around here, with you ponies being all PG and what not”

“Well that’s a weird phrase anyway, how was I to expect anypony to openly reference their..., bits” Twilight attempts to compose herself drawing another chuckle out of me and Spike.

“Bits huh? Weird term for genitalia”
I prod at Twilight causing her further discomfort.

“OKAY that’s enough about that! I’m trying to eat” Her face a deep shade of red as she looks away in embarrassment.

These ponies are so easy to rile up. I smirk at my small victory and get up from the table to grab a glass of water. Stay hydrated folks, it goes a long way to living a healthy life.

The water rejuvenates me as I chug it down, it’s refreshment begins to dissipate the original feeling of sickness I’ve carried since I woke.

“So Twi what exactly is the plan for today? Like are you going to shoot me with some magic beams or something and see what happens or-“

“Well” Twilight interrupts. “The idea is I want to see if you have any magic residing within you. Every creature in Equestria has some form of magic so why should you be any different? It won’t be dangerous either! So don’t worry.” She ends with a reassuring smile.

Fear grips me like a fat boy to his chocolate, as the uncertainty grows within me.

Twilight notices me tense up and after finishing her breakfast walks over and gently puts her hoof to my arm. “I promise”

This small gesture is enough to momentarily settle me, so I give Twi a nod of agreement and walk toward the other end of the living room, sitting on the couch in anticipation.

“Alright well we should just get this over with” I finish with an exhale.

Twilight trots over and sits across from me on the opposing couch while poofing a clipboard into existence from seemingly nowhere. Magic’s hella convenient isn’t it?

“We should begin with a few baseline tests to make sure afterwords your cognitive abilities are unaltered.... not that there’s any risk to that anyways” Adding that last part with a uncertain smile.

“That’s not helping Twi” I add with a small smile, I wouldn’t want Twilight to think she’s making me feel any worse than I was before. “Okay, what’s the first question?”

“What is your first and last name and where are you from?”

“My name is Joey Marshall, call me Joe or J or whatever makes you feel comfortable and I’m from the U.S. of A.”

Twilight chuckles, nods and scribbles something down on her clipboard, proceeding with a few more questions involving my past or experiences I’ve had while in Equestria.

I answer each question without issue only for Twilight to put down her clipboard with my response to the last question.

“Now I’d like you to lay back and relax, close your eyes and raise your right arm when you feel something touch your shoulder”

Following Twilights instructions, I close my eyes and wait in anticipation for contact.
I swear to god Twilight if you light me on fire or some shit

I’m surprised however, to feel a light pressure against my left shoulder, almost like a finger. I raise my arm accordingly.

“That’s good! So you can feel magic interacting with you, and you feel fine right?”

“Yea, I wouldn’t say it’s any different from you just poking me”

“Great! Now for this next step I’m going to see if any magic resides in you by drawing it out with my own”

Drawing it out? I scuff “Your going to be disappointed Twilight, most you’ll draw out is an aneurysm trying to make something happ-“

I’m freeze my speech as almost instantly in that moment my body turns to a cold sweat. I can feel something crawling up from inside me, sickly and depressing. After a few seconds it begins to feel like my own guts are being vacuumed into the black hole that remains of my core. It begins to become to much physically as I open my eyes suddenly and rush toward the bathroom emptying whatever contents were left in my stomach.

What the fuck was that?!? Am I cursed or some shit?! I lay exhausted leaning against the tub next to the toilet after several dry heaves. My body feels drained of any energy and I notice my own skin has turned pale. I feel cold and tired like a bad fever.

Twilight quickly rushes to my side with Spike right behind standing in the door way, confusion and concern riddling his frame.

“Twilight what did you do to him?! He looks terrible!”

Twilight stands near me uncertain if she should comfort me, afraid of my reaction. “Joey are you okay? I didn’t know anything like that was going to happen! I swear I’ve never heard of anything like this happening before!” Her panic obvious through her speech. I turn to look toward her with half lidded gaze.

“I’m g-going to be o-okay right?”
I was scared. No, terrified. I had never felt something as vile as that before and definitely wasn’t planning feeling that way again. I looked to Twilight my eyes searching for an answer in her shocked expression.

“We should get you something to drink and in bed, I’ll write a letter to Celestia and see if she can help or knows anything about this” Twilight was holding back however, she discovered something during the experiment, she wasn’t just scared of his reaction rather what she had felt residing within him.

After helping me to my room I immediately passed out onto my bed. My form became limp on contact. Beside the slow rhythm of my chest, it would almost seem as if I had died.

Twilight rushed to write a letter to princess Celestia with the details of what had just occurred. Her letter was finished off with a final message toward Celestia of what she had felt prior. ‘He has some form of magic however, it’s like none I’ve ever seen or felt, not even chaotic like Discord rather like some dark stickiness wanting to seep into my own magic! I fear he may be dangerous not only to himself but, to those around him’

Twilight sealed the letter without letting Spike read it, not informing him off her experience as she was worried it might change his feelings toward Joe.

I don’t think Joey is a bad pony or anything, I don’t think he even knows what’s wrong but, if somepony finds out he has... that festering inside him, ponies might never trust him or ever look at him the same again!

Twilight made it clear to Celestia in the letter that she wished to keep this secret concealed to only her and the princesses until they could solve this new issue. Surely they could figure this out I mean she has defeated Nightmare Moon and Discord! With the help of her friends of course but, there are ways to conceal magic, if need be it.

Lets hope it doesn’t come to that

Surprisingly, a response letter burped into existence from the drake within minutes owning the Equestrian royalty stamp to boot. It was a short letter that contained a single sentence.

‘I’ll come by today’.

Celestia was likely at her day court as of right now and would be busy throughout most of the day, her next break would be the most optimized time for her arrival so Twilight stayed at the ready for her masters arrival and tried to gather her thoughts on the incident so she could prevent any wasted time. Spike however, was worried sick and currently tending to his new amigo.

“What happened to you man?” Spike said barely above a whisper. “Things can’t get any worse for you huh?” He spoke to himself as his hairless friend laid flat across the bed, beaten down from the unknown force.

Unfortunately for Joe, Celestia didn’t arrive as soon as Twilight might have anticipated rather the day had shifted to night without her presence yet gifted to the household. Finally, somewhere around 8 pm, a stirring occurred within the dining room as Princess Celestia appeared through a vail of white smoke. Twilight snapped up from her nap not realizing that she had dozed off, her constant checking on Joe and worrying tired her straight out.

“Princess! Joe is in the guest room, I didn’t know something like this could happen I mean I knew there was a chance he could have magic but, for it to be harmful to him? And I even took precau-“

“Twilight my dear, it’s okay. I’m sure you did everything in your power to make sure it wasn’t a danger to him. Now lead me to the human and let me see this mysterious ‘sticky magic’ for myself” Celestia finished with a small smile toward her pupil while lightly rubbing her head against Twilights in order to calm her panicked pony.

Once in the room, the princess took precautionary steps toward the slumbering human and once in range lightly pressed her own horn against his temple. He begun to stir within his sleep, in a cold sweat he mumbled incoherent words, trashing and twirling. Celestia pulled away suddenly with wide eyes. She looked toward Twilight then over to the small dragon. Something caught in her throat, only to compose herself and look to Spike. “Would you mind giving us some privacy Mr. Spike, I would like to speak to Twilight privately for a moment”

Spike nodded and removed himself from the room while closing the door behind himself. “Twilight?” Celestia started, “You said you could feel his magic ‘trying to take control of your own’ correct?”

Twilight gulped, “yea....”

“I believe we might have an issue, you see I also could feel our friend here’s magic however, it was... unpleasant? No, that’s putting it very lightly. He is leaking magic unknowingly to you and others, almost corrosive to ones well being. You and the other elements have been unaware of this right?” She asked with an inquisitive look upon her muzzle.

“No, nothing I mean he seems sick every morning but, I figured it was just his sleep schedule changing! No one else has said anything about this stuff yet, I just don’t understand how he’s dealing with this!”

“Well Twilight, with you and your friends being the elements, I believe that might have something to do with you being unaware of his ‘problem’. While I would suggest nullifying his magic through our own power, it could have unforeseeable actions to our friend here, therefore I suggest for the time being you use a magic resistant collar until I can come up with something to help our friend”

Twilight frowned at this idea however, what better choice did she have? Let her friend potentially erode away over time and possibly hurt others? Or try to remove his magic and potentially kill him? She had no choice knowing Joey would not be happy, not in the slightest bit.

“Okay, okay.... I’ll.... I’ll try to convince him it’s for the best, but please find another way princess he’s already been through enough and walking around with something as shameful as a collar is not going to help”

“Do not fret my little pony, things will work out in due time. Help Joe find peace here and show him the wonders of Equestria and the kindness of it’s ponies. I’m sure he will cheer up” She finished her sentence while fading away into a wistful smoke leaving Twilight alone with her thoughts.

I can’t believe I have to get him into a collar

Twilight lowered her head to her hoof and sighed in frustration. She just wants her new friend to be able to enjoy his new life without all these complications. Nothing can be simple.

It was the next morning and I had stirred awake, feeling rather refreshed, a lot more than normal. I glanced toward the clock to see it was 8:24.... 8:24 am! Holy shit I’m up that early, and I feel fucking great! Then as quickly as I had risen from my bed I remembered yesterday’s events. Oh, oh yeah what happened? I pull the covers away to look toward my body for any deformities only to discover none. I also realized I was only in my underwear, a light blush rising to my face. Did Twilight change me? My god this is so embarrassing, I’m a free loader and now I’m working part time as a fucking child. I wonder if Twilight needs a paraplegic as I contemplate leaping out the window.

I get myself up and dressed and open my door only to find a sleeping Twilight leaning against it.

She did take care of me during that weird shit, I really owe this pony. It’s not like she planned on me fucking croaking yesterday.

I pick the sleeping equestrian and take her to her room where I place her under the covers. “Thanks Twi, where would I be without ya” I whisper and leave her to her much deserved rest.

I walk down the stairs from Twi’s room and head into the living room only to be met by Ponyvilles finest dragon giving me a death stare. “What? What did I do wrong?” Spike gives me a light punch to the leg then follows it up with crossing his arms.

“Don’t ever scare us like that again! I thought you could die! You were so pale...”

“Spike buddy” I start as I rub a nice nuggy into him, “if I knew that was gonna happen I wouldn’t have given Twi permission. Now what did she say? Can I use magic? Can I fly? Anything cool?”

Spike pushed off from me holding his now bright red head with a grumpy look strung across his face. “No, well I don’t know she wouldn’t tell me anything but, judging by this” he states while lifting a collar into the air with his off hand. “I believe you’ve got some form of it”

I glance at object in Spikes hand then back to him. “What the fuck does a collar have to do with me having magic?” Why does he have a collar? “Spike I don’t care about your weird sex ideas with Rarity, now do I have magic or not?”

Spike blushes heavily completely swept off his feet by my remark only to shake his head left and right to gather himself back. “This ain’t a sex collar! It’s a magic resistant collar!”

“Spike if your planning on removing Rarity’s magic with that, you make me feel uneasy about you doing something non consensual I mea-“

“ITS FOR YOU! YOU..... you idiot!”

It takes a second for this sentence to register though me. I explode with laughter. “FOR ME? Pfft Spike you couldn’t catch me dead wearing that”

Spikes face turns from anger to sadness, then quickly over to serious. “Twilight said it’s for your safety and nothing else to me, she wouldn’t say why”

My smile begins to fade. “What? Your joking?”

Spike shakes his head no. Twilight has some explaining to do before I so even touch that thing. The loud yelling and banter between me and Spike however, seemed to awaken our purple pony as she sleepily walks into the living room. She notices quickly the object Spike holds in his hand then looks to my face for my reaction.

“Twilight what is the meaning of” I point toward the collar. “Of that!”

2 A Long Day

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“Twilight, what is the meaning” I point toward the collar in Spikes hand. “Of this?”

Oh boy here we go

“Spike what did you tell him?” Twilight frantically glances between the two of us, now wide awake.

Spike walks toward Twilight, collar still in hand, “I told him what you told me, it’s for his protection” he proceeds to hand her the collar and turns toward the door leading down into the library. “This isn’t my problem, plus I promised Rarity I’d help her today so I’m off” Spike finishes and scurries out the room.

My focus goes from that squirmy lizard back to Twi who is slowly backing away before realizing she had been caught. “Twilight? I need an answer”

“It’s... it’s for your safety, you have to wear it to nullify the effects of your magic. It’s dangerous to you, and Celestia said it even could be dangerous to others” Still holding the collar she extends her hoof outward toward me. Her gaze still shifted toward the floor, a light blush across her face. “I know it’s awkward but... It’s to protect you”

I go through a mixed bad of emotions. Protect me? That wasn’t just a one time thing? “Twilight surely I’m fine if we don’t try to draw my magic out right? I mean it was just that one instance, I’m not going to suddenly start using magic I mean I don’t even know how” I say while taking the collar.

She became visibly more uncomfortable, shifting her legs back and forth as she remained there. “Please don’t get angry at me but, last night the accident came with more complications than we originally thought”

A familiar feeling of nausea stirs within me, I almost started the day without it, lucky me.

“When we, when I tried to draw out your magic, I felt something blocking me s-so I j-just, you know, forced it out of the w-way... I didn’t know it was holding your magic back! I swear!” Her eyes meeting mine now, wide with fear. She knows she fucked up, I know she fucked up, why wouldn’t she just stop when there’s something stopping her or even ask me for permission first?

“Twilight! What, what are you saying? What did you do?” I’m practically fuming now, I haven’t been here two weeks and now I have some sort of dangerous magic leaking out of me? “Am I radioactive? I don’t understand can’t you just, I don’t know...” I start pacing around the room. Twilight remains still focused on me as I walk back and forth collar still in hand. “Will I die if I don’t wear it?” It feels like I’m going to die anyway depending on her answer.

“Celestia sent me a letter on what she thinks it might be while you were asleep and that it shouldn’t kill you but... it causes something we haven’t seen in Equestria in decades”

“So she knows how to treat it? I’m fine right?”

“It causes severe depression, mood swings, sickness, insomnia and even... suicide” As she reads off the symptoms, we have completely opposite reactions. While Twilight has tears form in her eyes as she struggles to speak, I exhale in relief.

That’s it? I’ve beaten depression before, and insomnia? Beat it every night! This is nothing, I’ll be fine. “Twilight that’s it?” I put my hand against my chest and close my eyes to catch my previous held breathe. While still worried about being a walking Chernobyl, I began to calm down... somewhat.

To say Twilight was confused would be an understatement, she was baffled. “Wh-what do you mean! Depression is terrible! And no pony has ever committed su- done that in years! I hurt you and I can’t fix it! I-I I-I...” she bursts into tears. I frown and walk over to her and kneel down giving a hug.

“I’m telling you it’s not a big deal for humans, we deal with depression all the time, and insomnia? I already have it”

After some time her crying dies down some she manages to say a little more. “b-but that’s not it.. you could give it to other ponies if you aren't careful” She looks to me tears still brimming in her eyes, wet streaks across the side of her face. She looks like a mess. “We can’t tell anypony, they would be scared of you. We just have to keep it a secret between us”

She’s right, this could be a huge problem if anyone found out, I’d be like a depression gun pointed at any pony close everywhere I went. These ponies can’t handle that shit, they’re too innocent. I look to the collar in my hand. “Is there like, a bracelet I could wear or something because I really don’t want to wear a collar Twi” Just so you the reader know, just because everyone here is a pony doesn’t mean that wearing collars is any different than wearing one in public on Earth. It’s straight cringy and embarrassing, also comes off as your sexual preference if your into that kind of stuff.

“It has to be a collar, a individuals magic stems from their brain, even unicorns who use magic through their horn have it sent from their head. You stop the flow of magic at the neck so it doesn’t resonate through your body and out around you” Twilight had calmed down as this nerdy talk seemed to take her focus away from the problem at hand for a moment.

“Does it have to say property of Twilight Sparkle? I mean that’s a bit much”

Twilight looks down to the collar, it does indeed have that engraved into the metal tag attached. “Oh, sorry. It’s an old collar for if I ever had a familiar. I’ll remove that” she says with a giggle.

“Well I’m glad your starting to cheer up, just wish it wasn’t at the expense of my sex life’s privacy”

Twilight gives a light smile, empathy still showing on her face as she removed the tag and hands me the collar. It’s black with with a silver buckle to connect it together, it’s material is that of a typical cat collar, some sort of thread. Lord kill me now. I take the collar and walk toward the bathroom while Twilight hesitantly follows pursuit. While in front of the mirror I place the collar around my neck and admire my new reality. My face flushed as I can only briefly look at my appearance before removing the collar and walking past a careful Twilight. I sit back at the very same couch that witnessed last nights incident. “Twilight I can’t do this” My face in my hands as my elbows rest on my knees. I pull down across my face in frustration and look at Twilight for some comfort.

“I’ll do my best to explain to everyone it’s for your safety! And I won’t tell anyone about your issue being contagious. It shouldn’t matter as long as you wear it”

My focus goes to the window. I can’t will myself today to go outside with that on, I need to build up the confidence. I sit there contemplating what to do next. I can’t bother Twilight all day, she has to run the library, and I can’t stay in the library if this shits contagious, what if I give it to some random pony that shows up? Wait, why is Twilight okay with me not wearing it now? She’s at risk as we speak! “Why aren’t you worried about being near me? Can’t it cause you problems?”

She shakes her head no, “the elements and princesses seem unfazed by its affects, not sure why but, your okay not wearing it when it’s just me or the others around”

“What about Spike? Can I tell him that I’m dangerous or whatever? Is he at risk if I don’t wear it?”

“Dragons are generally magic resistant so he should be fine however, if he tells Rarity because you know he tells her everything, she will tell the whole town! Listen, I love Rarity, she’s a great friend, buts she’s a champion gossiper”

Okay, so I can’t tell Spike, noted. I look back at the collar, he’s going to ask why I’m not wearing it if it’s for my safety so shits pretty much on always no matter what huh. I need to clear my head this is too much for one day let alone two hours. Even though I despise being in public, I need to go somewhere private and I know just the place. “I need to go clear my head, do you mind if I-“

“Go right ahead, the library is open today so I’ll be busy, you know where to find me”

I nod and put the collar in my pocket, standing up I advance toward the door stopping just before heading out to turn toward Twi. “Hey Twilight? She looks back to me still dragging her hooves some. “I just need some time, I’m not the one to hold a grudge” I finish and head outside in search of some damn peace. I go to where I was first found in Equestria, over a few hills just a little bit from Fluttershy’s in an open field. A small pond resides right next to the hill with the Everfree just a few yards away from the other side of the water. Thankfully on my trip I only see a few ponies before I reach my destination. I lay back on the side of the hill and look toward the clouds, letting a deep sigh escape my lips. “This is been a long day already” It’s wonderful out however, somewhere around 70 with light wind coming in spurts. The sun shines clearly with few interruptions as there are almost no clouds to ruin its display. Personally I prefer the moon and the stars but, ever so often you need some sunshine to give you energy otherwise your crusin for a brusin when your missing out on that sweet vitamin D, emphasis on the D.

I lay there for a while, it’s nice, almost nice enough to forget the collar residing in my pocket. Before I know, I fall asleep. I don’t know how much time passes before I suddenly awakened by a feeling of a chilly breeze across my body. I open my eyes to see a single cloud in the sky perfectly positioned above me. It looks weird. Is this one of Dash’s pranks? It remained still oddly enough l, not moving from its position at all. I shift my self slightly over back into the suns rays only for the cloud to follow me in my movement. “DASH CUT THAT SHIT OUT AND GET DOWN HERE!” Of course after I say this the shadow of a pony above looks down on my figure. I stand up crossing my arms, I’m not in the mood today. Dash however, is clearly in the mood for ‘screwing with Joe’ as she bullets downward only to slowdown at the last second to avoid killing me as she tackles me down the hill.

“That was good wasn’t it!” Dash proudly remarks while sitting atop my stomach legs on either side of me while resting her hoofs on my lower chest.

“Jesus Dash what the fuck!”

She’s taken aback from my outburst as her usually pranks never get me this riled up, at least not this quick. Her ears go flat against her head and as she runs her forleg with her other hoof. “Sorry, I just wanted to get you back for the other day..”

I regret my action immediately seeing how it affected her. “Dash look, alright I’m sor- do you mind getting off me real quick this is super awkward” I blush as she’s practically riding me.

“Oh oops” she blushes lightly while she climbs off to rest right beside me.

“Anyways, I’m sorry I’ve just had a really long day and apparently I have to wear this fucking collar now” I explain while removing the collar from my pocket and show it to Dash.

This intrigues her as a big grin finds its way across her face. Don’t say it, don’t you dare say it.

“I didn’t know you were into that kind of thing...”

“Dash I’ll drown you right in that pond over there”

“Well you say you have to wear it so why aren’t you wearing it? Put it on!” She mischievously grins.

I blush heavily. “No, absolutely not. Definitely not in front of you”

“Well why do you have to wear it?”

“It’s for my, ‘safety’” I say while preforming air quotes with my fingers on both hands. I mean technically it is for my safety but, if I let Dash know It was that important she might get me to put it on, and don’t think I’m selfish for not wearing it, it’s just for today that I want to build confidence into putting it on. I’m also counting on Twilight telling some peop- ponies, before hand so it’s not so embarrassing.

“Hmm, well what if I did something for you, and in repayment, you have to put it on?”

“Well I can’t imagine you’ll do anything like that for me seeing how your gay and all”

Rainbows face turns beat red as she punches my arm. “I’m not gay! Stop saying that!” That one seems to always get her. I laugh to myself pleased with my success at making her lose her cool.

Still red, Rainbow smirks, “I mean if that’s want you want...” facing away from me clearly embarrassed by her own words.

I become flushed myself at this point, shocked at her response. She starts to laugh, “I’m kidding! You should see your face!”

“I knew you were joking, just didn’t think you had it in you to say something like that. I’m really rubbing off on you. Also I don’t think I could do anything like that with a pony I mean, just seems really weird”

“Well that’s awfully xenophobic of you and also I won’t lie, I do find your tactics working better than anything I’ve tried” We both chuckle to ourselves.

Well here we are just shooting the shit, out in a field. Honestly, this isn’t that bad, I mean definitely beats yesterday and this morning. Rainbow is the only pony it seems to keep composure enough to fire shots back and sometimes that’s all I need to feel like things are normal again. Maybe all I needed was a distraction.

“Thank you Dash”

“Huh? For what?” She asks while meeting my gaze.

“For cheering me up, your a good friend”

Her smile widens as I can almost visibly see her head swelling from her now inflated ego. “I mean, what do you expect! I’m the coolest pony you’ll ever meet”

I smile back, she sure is a strange cat. “If your the coolest than ponies standards for coolness must be really laaaameeeee” I say talking with the side of my mouth, avoiding eye contact.

She doesn’t take the bait, rather she turns he conversation back to the object still in my hand. “What if I bought you something to eat, then you wear the collar”

Frustrated with her persistence, I’m left with a decision, I can get something out of wearing it today or push it back til tomorrow. I look at the collar.

Its just a collar, come on man the fuck up!

“Alright two condition, you buy me what I want AND your not allowed to laugh”

“What if I laugh?” She smirks, clearly planning on laughing.

“I don’t know, are you willing to find out?” I say trying to be intimidating. It’s somewhere along the lines of John Wick and Clint Eastwood however, the only similarity really being that we are all men.

My impression seems to slightly work but, there’s clear intention of laughter still on Rainbows plans for later. I’ll tickle the shit out of her that’ll teach her to laugh at your boy.

“Yea okay big guy, you sure are dangerous. Now what do you have in mind?”

Since I’ve been here, I’ve pretty much had a steady diet of bread and dairy as Twilight has to get meat shipped from the another country before I can have any. Honestly, my choices really are limited. “Let’s just get something sugary and quick, I haven’t had a single treat for myself since coming here. You ponies make ice cream?”

Rainbow looks surprised at my answer, she clearly expected me to gouge her pockets in exchange for her request. “Yea, I actually saw a frozen treats vendor earlier today when I flew over Ponyville!”

Thats oddly convenient, small world I guess. We both sit up and start to head toward Ponyville walking in silence for a bit before Rainbow speaks up. “Hey I just wanted to ask, are you okay? Really? Cause if that collar is for your safety that sounds like somethings wrong”

I rub the back of my neck with my hand, a nervous reflex. “Rainbow you don’t have to worry, I promise I’m fine, trust me. The worst thing about this situation is just the embarrassment really”

Rainbow stops in place for a second and looks to me, some seriousness brews into existence. The only thing we’re missing is some sort musical note to let the audience know there has been a shift in tone. “If it’s really that embarrassing I won’t laugh, and if I could help in any way just say the word”

I’m taken by surprise at Dash’s sincerity, it makes me feel a little warm inside knowing she knows when to pull punches. I hesitantly smile, still uncomfortable with the whole situation. “Thanks Dash, that.. that’s really nice. Actually would you mind telling people that ask questions about me that it’s for my safety? Just say like, I’m allergic to certain types of magic or something”

She smiles back and nods, “pfft that’s it? You got it big guy!” She exclaims while starting back toward our final destination but, not before shouting,“Last one there’s a loooooserrr!” and bursting off in the air. She at least understood that I wasn’t that fast and made sure to stay in my vision.

Wait, what the fuck, I don’t know where we are going? How am I supposed to be anything but the loser!

I run after Dash trying to keep up, knowing she could easily blow me in the dust. After running for a minute or two, Dash lands to the ground in front of the frozen treat vendor. He’s a burly unicorn, gray in color with thick bright blue hair. His braided mane almost looks like a couple of ice cream scoops and his cutie mark was that of a blue snow cone. He stood behind his frozen cart wearing a slightly used apron and black large glasses. What a goofy looking fellow, honestly kinda normal in this world. Dash noticed me finally catch up and waited for me to catch my breath.

“Welp looks like some pony is today’s big loser” She points out with a smug look across her face.

“D-Dash there... there was no way ...... I could win.. when I don’t even know where to go!”

She laughs, “Bwaha well maybe next time champ”

“Your a sore loser I bet”

“Can’t be a sore loser... if your a winner” She winks and turns back to the vendor, there’s a small line in front of us.

“Doesn't Pinkie work at a sugar place or whatever? Couldn’t we have gone there?”

“And miss out on Prench ice cream?”

Prench ice cream? Prench? What?

I look around the line, sure enough the word Prench is labeled on the cart. “Dash what does Prench mean?”

She looks at me with disbelief, “Um, you know the city of Prance?”

I look back at her with ‘are you fucking kidding me’ written across my face. “Dash I’ve been here for like two weeks how am I supposed to know what Prance is?”

The realization sets in, “oh, guess your right” she says sheepish with a cheeky grin.

“Whatever, do they got got chocolate chip cookie dough?” If you don’t think that’s the best ice cream than you need a new tongue.

Eventually after discussing flavors for a bit and waiting in line it becomes our turn. We both say our flavors, Dash choosing mint chocolate chip, the vendor asks for the bits. Dash reaches toward her hip only to realize she not wearing a saddle bag. Realizing her mistake she turns to me slowly as I’m already beginning to pay with the allowance Twilight gives me. It’s some pay I’m afforded to for the time being until I can figure out my situation and acclimate better with ponies. I briefly drop a bit and go to pick it up at the same time the vendor uses his magic on it. It’s awkward like bumping hands, I pull away. “Sorry about that”

“Your fine Mr, enjoy your ice cream!” He shouts while me and Dash move from the cart.

I walk with Dash to the closest bench in town ignoring the constant looks I get due to my strange appearance. I mean I’d look too if there was a giant pony walking around town back on Earth.

“Dash you owe me... make it 3 meals now, how’s that sound?”

She frowns a little. “Alright, alright...”

We sit for a moment both enjoying out ice cream. Dash looks to me before asking, “Are you still going to put on the collar? You don’t have to I just feel kinda bad about making you pay”

I look to Dash, not showing much emotion to my face, “I’m going to have to start wearing it anyway. Apparently I have magic but, it’s not safe for my body so I actually need to wear it. That collar supposedly stops it from harming me”

Dash starts to look a little worried but quickly remembers what I said earlier, I’d be okay. I appreciate her not pushing anymore on the subject, if I wanted to say more I would. I really hate getting all sappy and emotional, makes me uncomfortable.

As I continue at my ice cream, I realize I haven’t really ate much in the past two days and only eating this sugar is likely going to give my stomach trouble, I’ll have to eat something when I get back to Twilights. I’m lost in thought when Dash interrupts the silence.

“Does it bother you? Like, ponies always looking at you?” She asks in a lone tone.

I glance away from Rainbow to notice that a few ponies were looking my way. My own shift in attention drawing them back to their duties, trying not to be caught taking a peak at me.

“Yea, honestly it does but, nothing I can really do to change it. I mean I’d look too if there was a big alien walking around Dash. I guess it’s just awkward getting all this unwanted attention”

I didn’t tell her the whole truth. To be completely honest, I hate attention and I find public situations to be tiring. This new popularity I have causes me to always be on guard, trying not to give any misinterpreted actions or any mistake that could cause me difficulty fitting in. With my arrival being so recent, the towns ponies are pretty much gauging me for who I am. Let’s just hope I can get on their good side because I’m not exactly good with confrontation either. I couldn’t let Dash know all this of course as I worry she could treat me differently, maybe even try to change the way behaves just so I’m comfortable and that’s not okay with me. I’ll be the one to adapt, it’s their world.

“Well I guess I’ll have to become a wonderbolt then become more famous than you! That way we both win, ponies will focus away from you and I’ll get to be a wonderbolt!” She stands up while she says this on the tips of her hooves with one hand saluting and the other still holding her cone.

I chuckle, “Didn’t you already plan on being a wonderbolt? It was like one of the first things you told me? You were like ‘I’m Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria and future wonderbolt’!” I mock with an extra girlier voice.

“That doesn’t even sound like me”

“ThAt DoEsN’t eVeN sOuNd LiKe mE”

She punches my arm.

“Ow... jeez okay okay” I use my off hand to motion settle down, if your confused on what I mean by that, imagine I’m pushing something down with a flat hand away from me.

“Also that sounds like a good idea, I’d like that” We both smile and laugh for a little bit before finishing off our treats. I stand up and face Rainbow. “Well what now? I’ve got nothing to do today and you clearly seem to be in the same boat so...?”

“Well you could watch me practice some of my new tricks I’ve been working on!”

A laugh, not because I think the idea is stupid or something but because it’s such a childish sounding question. I really am in a different world, I hope everyone back home is okay. I had friends and family left behind, no relationships when I was forced away thankfully. I instinctively frown while letting my body slump a little, Dash takes notice.

“Watching me practice bums you out that much huh?”

I snap back to reality, “What? Sorry no, I’ll watch you. I was just thinking about what I left behind”

Understanding that I’m mentally beating myself down she takes initiative and grabs my hand pulling me in the direction of her normal training grounds, an open field somewhat close to where she found me earlier today. “Well you shouldn’t waste time worrying about something you can’t change”

It’s the second time she surprised me today. “That’s an awfully wise statement coming from you, where’d ya hear that?” I ask while trying to ignore the looks I’m getting from other ponies from holding Dash’s hand. They seem mostly relieved to see a pony dragging me around, probably makes them feel safer knowing Dash can rough me me up.

“Honestly I don’t remember, but pretty cool huh?”

I laugh, “You know Rainbow, your surprisingly a very affable pony”

She looks back at me completely lost. “It means your easy to talk to” I say while booping her once in the nose. She flinches and frowns.

“What’s your deal with poking my nose? You’ve done that a few times now since we’ve first met, is it like a human thing?

I smile, “Well you ponies are pretty cute, I can’t help it sometimes”

She blushes, I’m assuming she took it the wrong way thinking I called her individually cute which, in a way is correct. I find ponies adorable, that’s a better word but I already said cute aloud so that’s the word I’m stuck with, don’t take it the wrong way. I don’t find them sexually attractive as my brain just isn’t wired to see them as mates, that’s not me saying that I could never see myself in a relationship with one in the future but rather currently, it would be difficult.

She let’s go of my hand embarrassed by my answer but thankfully we’ve arrived at the spot. Turning to face me she says, “Now be honest when I finish a trick what you would rate it” and proceeds to fly into the air, announcing each tricks name before preforming it.

I sit there and watch for a while giving my own opinion here and there, sometimes giving ideas of what might look better or what I think looks good. This goes on for a bit before we find ourselves laying on our backs in the field staring up into the sky. By now I’m exhausted, probably from social anxiety of earlier or the fact I’ve barely eaten in 24 hours and Dash appears to be spent as well after going for quite a bit.

It’s funny that even though I’m lost, like universally lost with no return and an uncertain future, I can still find comfort in the little things like hanging out with a friend. I can genuinely say Dash is my friend when I think about it, the others besides Twilight and Spike I might refer to as friends for their sake but, I really don’t know them. They really don’t know me either and yet they welcomed me with open arms calling me their friend within the first day, me, a complete stranger. I feel kinda like shit when I think about it, I mean I really owe them all for helping. Maybe I should build up my goodwill with these ponies and payback my new crew for their hospitality at the same time.

The little cyan pony beside me, startles me from my thoughts with her sudden movement to yawn. “I’m really beat, I think I’m going to call it in for today” She stands up while stretching, “Your a pretty chill guy you know that? Your almost cool”

I chuckle, “Gee thanks Dash, I was just gonna say something nice but I don’t really know now...” I try to edge her into admitting I’m as the kids say, cool.

“Okaaayyyy.... your kinda... cool” She says the last word while wincing as if it physically hurt to say.

“Thanks Dash!” I say with a huge grin. “But seriously you’ve been a great friend to me, and... I’m so bad with this stuff. I appreciate you, really. I don’t know how to show it but, if you ever need anything you can count on me” As I start my sentence I struggle to maintain eye contact only to reaffirm myself by the end and get my point across.

My words clearly seem to hit home as Rainbow refrains from any snarky comment and instead settles for holding out her hoof toward me.

Ah yes, nonverbal communication. I meet Rainbows hoof with my clenched fist, a ‘hoofbump’ if you will. We exchange our goodbyes, as she flys off into the evening sky. I should really head back now, I don’t want Twilight to think I had some lasting affects that took me out while I was gone. I start my walk back to the tree home. On the way back I notice I’ve caught the eye of a rough looking stallion, likely a farmhand of some sort based off his dirty clothing and overalls.

“You watch were you stare creature, and stay away from our mares, we don’t need any more of your ugly kind around here” He finishes while spitting to the side.

Not only does that make no sense seeing how humans and ponies are completely different species but, wow he’s incredibly stereotypical, like incredibly similar to any racist farmer troupe. I move my gaze away and flip him the bird while walking, I can’t afford to cause any trouble as much as I’d love to kick his fucking jaw in.

Now I said before, most of the ponies I’ve met have been wonderful however, every society still seems to have its heros no matter where you go. I try to ignore the other stares from ponies as I hustle back, it begins to make me very uncomfortable without a distraction. I start to worry about having a another panic attack like when I first arrived, nobody should see me like that. Thankfully I reach Twilights before there’s any issues, walking in and waving to Twi as I pass her helping a pony in the library. I head up the stairs into the kitchen to find some leftovers from lunch, some sort of steamed vegetable mix. I get to frying it up when I notice Spike at my side.

“So... how’d everything go with the whole collar thing?”

I sigh, “Bad. I’m going to start wearing it tomorrow so just do me a favor and please don’t mention it”

He gives me a thumbs up while chewing on a gemstone he got from the drawer. He’s really eating that? How does he even digest it, let alone shit it out? You know what, I don’t want to know.

I finish fixing up my meal and enjoy it next to the crackling of the chimney fire. It’s very peaceful here but generally much more boring than my previous life. The only way to really pass the time is to either work or hang out with someone and that involves being social which takes energy and I’m lazy. I finish my meal and clean my mess before going back to the couch to take a nice after meal nap, a great experience every time. Now that I think about it, I fell asleep earlier without any issue. I also have been full of energy I don’t normally have, it’s almost like I’m on some sort of drug. I’ll just have to mention it to Twilight once she closes up for the night. I drift away into the void.

I awaken, as something makes noise across the room, nightfall consuming the the entirety of the home beside the chimney fire. I shake myself awake looking for the cause of disturbance, squinting to get a better look. A darkened figure looms from the entrance only to form a light from its peak, it’s Twilight. She lights the many candles in the house at once giving life back to the room. She must’ve just closed. A nagging feeling tugs at my head, I’m forgetting to do something. I try to conjure up whatever it was while Twilight notices me on the couch and makes her way toward me.

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

Oh I remember! Feeling suspiciously well suddenly! “That reminds me, I’ve actually been feeling really good lately, I haven’t even had trouble sleeping. Plus today I was full of energy after a little nap, like more than normal” I say starting with a tone of excitement only to develop into confusion. The realization starting to sink in, maybe this isn’t a good thing, especially coming right after my incident. “Do you think I should be worried or something? Just seems kinda weird after... you know”

Twilight seems happy for me but also shares in my concern, “Well I’m glad your feeling better, maybe we should just wait and see if there’s any other changes or if things stay the same. I still feel bad on what I did yesterday so let’s try to avoid any unnecessary testing” Twilight frowns while looking off in the distance clearly in thought.

I share her sentiment. “Yea that sounds like a good idea” She sits down looking toward the fire, silence fills the from for a bit. A tension fills the air, this is awkward, I don’t know what to talk about after what happened earlier today still lingering.

“Are you mad at me?” Twilight asks.

Well I guess we might as well get it out the way now. “No... well yes and no. I mean I’m still frustrated you didn’t ask me permission to force your way into my magic or whatever but, you do so much for me already that this one mistake shouldn’t ruin our friendship”

“What I did was terrible though! I endangered you and now I have to ask you to degrade yourself for others wearing that collar just because I couldn’t sway my stupid curiosity” She looks away.

Sounds pretty bad when you put it that way. “Don’t beat yourself up, I mean it wasn’t entirely your fault. I said I was willingly going to participate even if the outcome was uncertain. Plus I’m going to be fine Twilight, humans are mentally tough, our kind doesn’t exactly live with harmony”

She still is clearly upset about her actions. Turning to me, I can spot the sorrow behind her eyes.

“I can’t ask you for your forgiveness but I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you, I swear”

“It’s fine, look I forgive you okay? We will figure this out together and everyone will be fine. I mean so far I feel better than normal, maybe it’s not the same as whatever Celestia thinks it is, maybe because I’m human it doesn’t affect me?”

“Maybe, I don’t know... I’m just.... I’m sorry” Tears brimming her eyes. I don’t want you to cry again. I scoot over to her and hug her against me, her muzzle into my shoulder.

“It’s okay, it’s okay” I whisper to her. These damn ponies and their emotions. I gotta cheer her up, maybe telling her something about my past will work, something about Earth. “You know, when I lived on Earth, I used to tell myself I was fine and that being depressed was wasting time. How could you not be depressed if you keep letting it rule over you? I would tell myself to cheer up, and that you don’t stand a chance unless you try, that I’d be okay if I tried” My talking draws the ponies head from my shoulder, her eyes focusing on me as I spoke. “It worked somewhat but, one day I realized I still wasn’t happy, that I could force myself to keep going on but for what reason? Going through the motions helps make you feel less worthless yet I still didn’t have a reason to care. That’s when I realized my problem, I wasn’t depressed because I felt worthless, rather I was afraid and assumed that my future was already set. I was afraid of being alone...”

I looked to Twi, her face in a frown but distracted from her previous thoughts. Well that wasn’t cheerful at all what the fuck am I doing? “I’ve never told anyone that before, that I’m scared of being alone. I didn’t mean to make you more sad Twilight but know that since I’ve been here I haven’t felt that fear at all. You girls have been more than helpful, and I feel like I should do something in return”

Sleepily Twilight responds, “Your fine, we don’t need you to pay us ba-“

“I want to” I interrupt. “Let me help, it’ll make me feel better”

“Okay *yawn* I’ll ask the girls what you could do to help out” She finishes while falling asleep leaning onto my shoulder. You precious little pony, all tired out worrying about me, she should spend her energy elsewhere.

I lift her up like a baby and hold her in my arms as I walk toward her bedroom. She looks so peaceful and adorable. I really don’t understand how such a place like Equestria could exist.

I place her under her covers and whisper, “goodnight Twi” before walking out of the room, slowly closing the door behind me. I take the time to extinguish the candles throughout the home and check the fireplace to see if the cover is on. Finally I brush my teeth and head for bed, sleep taking me almost instantly.

3 Pinkie’s ‘hooman’ Helper

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Author's Notes:

I’m going back to school so expect the next chapters to potentially take longer however, this story will never be on hiatus unless I break my wrist or something, I’d like to see it through and potentially keep writing this story after my planned ending if I enjoy this enough.

Also this part after I just finished the chapter, I’m likely going to take longer between chapters already seeing how I’m burning myself out trying to write these, I really shouldn’t be going this hard every night so ima give myself break nights, not losing interest at all just saying I’m not sleeping enough

Also I had to write some dialogue for Luna in this and I can’t possible describe how much I suffered with this so I hope it turned out okay.

Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter and if you don’t tell me why, I’ll answer any question you might have and respond as soon as I can!

I wake up refreshed, feeling like I was submerging from a pool on a hot summer day. I could get used to this. I glance to check the time. It’s 10 am, rather early for me yet, I feel much more prepared to take on the day than usual with almost a bounce in my step. I get dressed and head down the hall toward the dining room to see some waffles and cinnamon rolls wrapped up in a saran wrap type cover. I fucking love cinnamon rolls, I’ll have to thank Spike or Twilight whoever left this for me later.

I enjoy my breakfast with some water while realizing I had forgot something, the collar. Oh I forgot all about that, really puts a damper on my mood. After finishing with breakfast, I head back toward my room to grab the collar, bringing it with me to the bathroom. After I shower and freshen up, I place the collar around my neck fastening it into a comfortable position. I look at myself in the mirror with shame, this is a new low. I shouldn’t just sulk, I need to ask one of Twilights friends if I could help out, well technically my friends as well but, I don’t know all of them quite well.

I move toward the door leading into the library section of the home, resting my grip on the handle.

Please just be Twilight and Spike

I open the door to be greeted by my favorite purple unicorn, the rest of the room empty. Twilight sits in a chair behind the checkin desk with reading glasses placed on the edge of her nose, holding a newspaper within her magic. Always reading aren’t you? “Hey Twi, how’s today been? I mean you haven’t been open long but, any ponies yet?”

She sets her glasses to the side using her magic along with the newspaper, looking to me before responding. “Slow, besides Derpy making her mail route I haven’t had one pony. Also what about you? Feel different at all compared to yesterday?”

I sit on the edge of the desk, “I fell asleep last night easy, and woke up today feeling way better then normal, I felt juiced up almost” speaking first with conviction, slowly turning to confusion as I realize my current feeling. Just as I finish my my sentence I realize I’m actually starting to get tired, and my morning nausea is starting up as well. “Actually Twi, I’m starting to feel a little more normal right now”

She looks to me confused. “Well what’s normal?”

“Kind of ill, exhausted, fatigue”

Her face quickly changes to frustration, “That’s normal?!? Why didn’t you tell me you felt that way every morning?”

I rub my neck, “Well I didn’t want you to worry I mean once I get myself up and moving it eventually goes away”

“Well you need to tell me these things from now on, how am I supposed to be a good friend if I don’t even know somethings wrong?”

“Sorry, I just don’t like to complain” By now I feel normal for being awake this long, my fatigue becoming a fleeting thought. What changed to make me lose all that energy I had?

“It’s not complaining if somethings wrong that I can help with, now I remember you saying the other day that you have insomnia correct?”

“Yea but since that accident I’ve been able to sleep whenever I want plus I never found anything to help it back when I was on Earth anyway so I wouldn’t worry about it”

She frowns, “Nonsense, in case it comes back I’ll have Spike get you a prescription for insomnia medication”

Medication? Shouldn’t a pony doctor just wave some magic on me? “I don’t understand, why wouldn’t I just have some spell put on me or something?”

This gets her to turn that frown upside down and giggle, “It wouldn’t make sense to go to the doctor every night just to get your sleep now wouldn’t it? Plus the medication ponies use is magic concealed in tablets, it’s the same thing as going to the doctor and getting a spell treatment” enjoying teaching her lesson as she speaks.

Magic pills huh? This sounds like some jack and the beanstalk type shit but way more believable given the circumstances. “I’ll take your word, and that’s really unnecessary but thanks still cause I know you will get them no matter what I say”

She smiles bright enough to show her teeth while closing her eyes. “You know it!”

We laugh a little and I turn my attention over to Spike who walks in from the main entrance carrying a large stack of books much higher then his own head. “Here Twilight I got the rentals you asked for” placing the books on the checkin desk along with a crossed out sheet of names.

“Thanks Spike! Joey would you mind helping put those back where they belong?”

“I was gonna actually help out anyway, and Twilight is there any one of your friends I can help out today? I want to pay them back for their kindness to me since I’ve been here” I say while grabbing some of the books from the table.

Holy shit Spikes strong if he can lift all of those on his own, the few I got are heavy as hell

“Hmmm, well I’m sure Pinkie could use some help, she’s always trying to go the extra mile for everypony and I bet she’d love your company!” Twilight smiled while now shifting through her mail.

Pinkie huh? She’s a handful, way more energy than I can maintain however, she uses it all to make others happy. Although I might find her annoying at times her cause is justified, honestly I’d like to get to know her better. I’m sure we could be great friends one day seeing our similar passion for humor, and maybe she’ll be like Dash throwing a few jokes back my way when I tease her.

“Alrighty, Do you know where she’s at today?”

Twilight puts her hoof to her chin in thought. I continue to alphabetize the books before handing them to Spike to put away. “Well she lives and works at Sugar Cube Corner so I’d try there first, it’s near th-“

“That’s okay Twilight, I think I know where it’s at, thanks” I say while giving a thumbs up backwards to Twilight still focused on organizing the book pile.

After a few minutes of helping Spike I wave my goodbyes to the treehouse fellowship and began my journey just like Frodo with a single step however, mine takes place in a much kinder world without the one ring. Yes that’s a lord of the rings reference, and yes Sam was the true hero.

I start my walk through ponyville before quickly noticing the increased frequency of stares pointed my way. The fuck is going o- oh yeah the collar. My face turns a shade of crimson as I look down, speeding up my walk. This fucking blows, like really fucking blows. I feel sick, and I really don’t want to be outside much longer. A few ponies snicker and laugh, whispering something while looking my way. I even received a few whistles, pervy mares.

One thing that separates my world from this is the complete flip of gender stereotypes. While mares don’t like things males like, they have completely flipped ideology of social norms. In this world, mares outnumber stallions somewhere around 6 to 1, and mares are seen as the more dominant partner in relationships, more often seen as the one to pay for dinner or to pop the question. They are also a lot more horny too, which I find disturbing given my current circumstance right now. I would enjoy being the one courted though in a relationship, that sounds way less work.

I ignore the catcalls and continue my way to Sugar Cube Corner or what I perceive to be the correct way... hopefully. All this added attention starts to build up the panic within me yet not enough to make me lose myself before I reach my destination quickly stepping inside. The air conditioning hitting me across the face, much cooler in here than outside but, that’s likely just the embarrassment heating my face. I look to the counter of the mostly empty shop to see a yellowish stallion wearing a red and white stripped bow tie matching the color of his chefs hat. His eyes a bright green standing out unlike his dull orange mane in contrast to his coat. His mane poking out the front of his hat a little while the rest seems frizzled down the back of his neck not sharing similarity with his tail which is rather straight in comparison. He’s also got one hell of a jaw, it protrudes much farther out then his upper lip.

“Well your quite the tall fellow, how may I help you today?” His eyesight clearly focused on my own thankfully ignoring my neck wear.

“H-hello, umm is... do you know where Pinkie might be? I was told I could find her here” I stutter over my first words trying to avoid thinking about my appearance.

His smile slightly widens, “Actually she’s upstairs right now, I could tell her that she has a guest waiting for her if you’d like?”

I weakly smile, “Thank you that’d be nice”

“Also would you like anything while you wait? Maybe some coffee or..”

“No thank you I’ll be fine” I say while sitting down at a booth near the entrance my gaze going toward the window while the stallion makes his way up the stairs in the back.

Well I made it, that’s something to be proud about. I pull a little at my collar to give myself some comfort, making it looser as well so now it rest around the bottom of my neck like a short necklace. It was getting a little stuffy plus why was I wearing it tight before, it’s not like I’m going to choke myself to death like some dumb animal. A few snickers come from a few booths over as two mates giggle while pointing my way, shame immediately filling me up like a full glass right to the brim only I’m not sure what it would look like if I spilled over, maybe tears?

My own misery is interrupted by a multitude of hoof steps rushing down the stairs as the Pink pony I was looking for jumps into my booth tackling me.

Why does this keep happening

Pinkie pushes off before a torrent of words rush out of her mouth at once, “HIYAHOOMANIFORRGOTYOUWERESOTALLIMEANLOOKATYOUANDYOURSOSMOOTHIMEANWITHOUTFURYOU-“

“PINKIE! That’s quite enough! Can you slow down and speak to me in a language I can understand?”

“But I’m speaking English just like you silly!”

What? I never told her that I speak English, actually I never had to seeing how all these ponies already spoke the same language I did. Twilight told me whatever their language was but I can’t think of it’s name right now, all I can think about is how the fuck she knows about English?!?

My confusion clearly enough evidence to know my next words before Pinkie beats me to the punch. “I know lots of things I can’t tell you about! You’ll have to earn my secrets another way than just asking” she finishes while winking at me.

Was that sexual? Couldn’t be, shes already got me in a box. I can’t believe she’s already beating me at my own game! My brain begins to fizzle out but, not completely before Pinkie smiles and boops my nose snapping me out of my haze.

“I suggested to Twilight that I could help each of her friends for making my adjustment here easier so I’m here today to ask if I could help you with anything, if that’s okay?”

Pinkie smiles, “Twilights friends are YOUR friends too! That includes me, so let’s get that straight Mr. hooman!”

That’s cute. Also her butchering of the word human produces a chuckle out of me. “You didn’t forget my name did you?”

“Of course I didn’t! It rhymes with low, flow, row, toe, yo-“

I cover her muzzle with my hand, her tongue sticking out the side. “Okay I get it Pinkster, no need to go rap god on me” I remove my hand from her muzzle.

“Wow is that cinnamon on your hand? Smells sooo good!” Her smile as wide as possible, if I wasn’t sure I’d say she looks like she could explode from excitement at any moment.

I sigh, “Pinkie it’s really early and I can’t handle all of the energy your putting off, do you mind just scaling it back a little for me?”

Her ears go against her head for a moment, “Oops, sorry” she chuckles. “Now I have today off from work but, I have a few birthdays to plan for and I’ll need help setting them up plus I gave Colgate my word that I’ll decorate her clinic by tomorrow”

“Okay I can do that, sounds easy enough” I reassure Pinkie with a smile.

“Great! Now let’s get going otherwise we will be late” She rushes forward carrying with her a saddlebag on each side of her body with confetti streamers protruding from the top. I follow suit trying to keep pace with the party pony.

While on the way Pinkie looks back to me and giggles saying “So what’s with the collar Joey? Are you and Twi doing some sort of pet thing? Or maybe your trying to set a trend of wearing collars into the mainstream? Ooh ooh or-“

“It’s mainly for pervy Twilight, she said I’d look good in one while we were getting a little intimate last night so here it is” I state, testing Pinkies gullibility. Pinkie stops in place while placing a hoof in front of her open mouth.

“WHAATT?!? You and Twilight are... are like that? That’s really icky Joey you really shouldn’t tell ponies about that stuff” She scolds me almost in a condescending voice.

I laugh, “HA, I’m kidding Pinkie, it’s cause of some accident the other night when Twilight was testing to see if I have magic. I gott-“

“You have magic? I bet you can fly or or maybe you could see through walls” Pinkie interrupts.

I shake my head no, “Nah nothing crazy, apparently I’m just dangerous to myself and if I don’t wear this collar I get sick”

Pinkie frowns, “Well that’s no good, you can’t do anything while your sick! It would be better if it was because of pervy Twilight like you said before” This draws laughter from the both of us.

“Maybe for you, you.... you pervy pink pony”

“Alliteration isn’t always an answer Joey”

“Sometimes saying something silly so... ah shit” I concede Pinkie the win, maybe next time.

We continue our walk toward the first job. We partake in some green mares birthday party with her friends before heading over next to a fillies birthday party in town square. Pinkie provides the guests with entertainment through all sorts of gags and skills like unicycling, juggling etc. I try my best not to take away from the party or be a distraction through my appearance and after a while it’s not the tasks given to me by Pinkie that tire me out but rather the constant surrounding of so many ponies. By the end of the second party I’m exhausted and that’s including a few breaks where I had to step away to compose myself.

The energy I had yesterday clearly an anomaly as just the presence of these ponies is becoming difficult. While me and Pinkie walk away waving goodbye, I start to drag myself along our path to Colgate’s dentist clinic. Pinkie notices my sluggish behavior, quickly reaching into her bag and pulling out a canteen. “Here Joey, you seemed a little tired” A rather serious tone for Pinkie.

“Thanks, I’m just not used to all this.... attention. Plus I’m not very good with talking too much, takes a lot out of me”

Pinkies face shows her concern, “You know you can go back to Twilights if you want I mean you’ve helped a ton already, and you saved me a bunch of time”

I take a swig of the canteen, it’s water which honestly surprises me given the energy of this party pony that it’s not coffee or something. “I’ll be fine, thanks for the water though” I say while handing it back to Pinkie. I start to feel a little better with the added break in time included.

“Okie dokie Joey, but if things get to be too much I won’t blame you for heading out” She says with a concerned smile.

“I’ll be fine, I made a promise to help you out and I’ll see through it” I say attempting to strengthen my resolve.

“Well it wasn’t a Pinkie promise” She says while placing a hoof over her eye and sticking her tongue out to the side.

“What’s a Pinkie promise?”

“Well it’s just like a promise! Buuttt, I can’t break it no matter what! That includes you too if we had, no matter what” She stomps her hoof into the ground as she finishes her statement. No matter what? That sounds useful, maybe I can tell her about why I’m really wearing this.

I struggle with the idea of telling Pinkie as we walk up to the closed dentist clinic. Pinkie greets Colgate at the entrance and helps introduce me to the mare. After some discussion, she’s apparently now my dentist thanks to a certain energetic pony.

We walk inside and start quickly pulling out decorations for some sort of fall festival. Although it’s not really fall yet, I’m assuming this pony wants to get ahead of the curve. Pinkies saddlebags seem to have an endless bottom to them as we work, I mean she just keeps pulling shit out that doesn’t even make sense. As I think this I look to see her pull an entire plastic pumpkin from the bag, like how does that even fit.

The job doesn’t take long as we finish Pinkies last task with the sun still up but, nearing the horizon. “Thanks Joey! You were a huge help!” Pinkie jumps up forcing me to catch her as she hugs me. She jumps off of me smiling brightly “You smell really nice!”

My face becomes flushed with crimson, “Pinkie thats an awfully awkward thing to say” I say facing her.

She giggles, “Well it’s true! Not my fault for noticing!” She jokes. “It’s lavender right?”

I entertain her question, “Yea, it’s the only scent Twilight owns so...”

“Well I think it smells good, I should hug you more often!” Her hoof pressed against her chin in thought.

“Alright easy now Pinkie, getting a little touchy now” I restrain myself from coming off as too uncomfortable.

“But friends hug all the time! It’s totally normal, we honestly don’t hug enough anymore I mean everypony needs a hug every so often” Her head seems to be in a sad place the more she thinks of her brought up subject, the discomfort in her grows. She’s too adorable.

“I mean, ah jeez Pinkie. Look you can hug me whenever you want but don’t go overboard” My face giving off a warning.

Pinkie brightens up at this and hugs me again without jumping up this time. “Thanks Joey, does this mean you see me as a friend now?” The puppy eyes intensify melting the ice around my resolve. Damn you ponies!

“Yea Pinkie, I’m glad to call you a friend” I smile.

We continue our walk back to Sugar Cube Corner walking past the same ice cream cart from yesterday, it’s owner looking much rougher than the previous day. His mane unkept with bags under his eyes yet he continued onward with his work.

Yikes, looks like somepony had a tough night

I ignore my curiosity, continuing on til Pinkie and I reach Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie invites me inside where she takes me up to her room. She tells me to wait outside her room for a second before letting me in. As I open the door I’m surprised by my sight, “Welcome to me casa!” Pinkie says while leaping into the air wearing a sombrero, shaking rumbas back and forth.

Not a good enough joke to rise a laugh out of me but I’m willing to pass a chuckle. “How much you pay to stay here?” I ask while gazing the room. It’s walls mainly banana yellow with pink trim along the ceiling and floor. The window sill is also trimmed pink with a lighter shade of pink curtains as well, along with a oak dresser next to her bed. It’s sheets covering a twin sized frame are surprisingly orange not matching most of the rooms aesthetic. Next to her bed is a pink beanbag and a small yellow table. Her floor is wooden however covered with a large pink rug over most of the center of the room. While not large enough to be considered impressive, it’s nice furnishing with the space provided makes things seem homey enough.

“Well the Cakes don’t actually charge me as long as I help them work the shop, they’re really nice once you get to meet them!” She smiles brightly while heading over to a stove and mini fridge I failed to notice.

“That’s nice.... and what’s with the orange sheets? They really don’t match the whole, pattern I guess” I say while tilting my head to the side.

“My sheets are getting washed silly, now what would you like to drink?” She asked while opening the fridge.

I’m pretty beat and this fucking collar didn’t really help much either, in fact ever since I put this damn thing on I’ve felt like garbage. One thing I do know that helps me feel better is some cold water, it’s always refreshing. “Just some water will be fine”

“Well I got more than just water Joey! I’ve got tea, soda, cider, hot chocolate pretty much anything you can think of!” She says while looking at me practically glowing with her smile.

Her energy is kinda infectious, it cheers me up some from today’s struggle. “You probably don’t have this given you ponies being all healthy and stuff but do you got anything thats called rum in Equestria? It’s like-“

Pinkie starts laughing while holding her gut leaning over. “Ptfft hahaha, of course! You think ponies don’t know how to relax? Your really funny Joey”

Slightly annoyed, I shake it away, “Well give me some rum with soda, whatever flavor you got is fine” It’s not, I’d prefer coke but I don’t really care at this point. I sit down on the bean bag which really becomes more of a lay than a sit as I sink in.

This can’t be good for my back

I watch as Pinkie pours herself something before she brings me my drink.

Maybe I should tell her about the collar

Hold on brain, let’s think about this. IF she really is true to her word with a pinkie promise, who’s to say she’ll actually accept it, I mean if I could tell her anything then, it has to come with a price like doing something for her. She’s been so nice and she just wants me to be happy... maybe, maybe I should.

Pinkie hands me the drink while laying across her bed toward me on her stomach, it’s frame being low enough to reach the table from where she lays. “Thanks... and Pinkie can I.... can I tell you something? Something important?” I ask clearly uncomfortable with the situation. I should do this, she could give me advice or something.

She smiles lightly appearing much more tired than before, “Of course Joey”

I shuffle a little while taking a drink, “I need you to promise me you won’t tell anyone, like that Pinkie promise you said earlier”

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye” As she motions her hoof to cross against her chest in an x followed by placing her hoof directly over her eye.

My palms become sweaty as I chug my glass. “Can I have another please before I say?”

Pinkies face becomes slightly worried however, doesn’t completely falter from her original reassuring smile. She takes my glass and offers me back the refill before laying back down.

“Thanks again, and thanks for letting me in, I know I’m not the most entertaining of guests”

“Joey your fine silly, there’s no need to self deprecate” Her tone completely different than earlier today. What’s she drinking? Whatever it is she’s completely gone from an 11 to a 3 on a 1-10 scale.

“Pinkie my collar, it’s not just for my safety. It’s... I’m dangerous. I’m not safe to be around ponies without it, I can cause mental issues to them” Pinkie raises her brow in confusion but doesn’t say a word. “My magic is hurtful and I can’t control it, I have to wear this collar to keep it from coming out of me” I pull at the collar a little as I say this.

“I think the collar looks fine Joey, you worry yourself too much over silly things” She sips from her drinks while closing her eyes. “Take it from me, I used to be insecure about the girls and their relationships with me. I was afraid it was all fake and that the only reason they spend time with me is because they felt bad”

She doesn’t really bring up the fact I’m dangerous but rather that I should find peace with my new issue. I’m caught off guard by Pinkies openness, it’s rather comforting in a weird way. “You call me silly huh? Who wouldn’t want to be your friend Pinkie? You’d do anything to cheer anyone up, and you only think about others” I stand up and go sit over on the bed next to Pinkie. She puts her drink on the table and flips herself over.

“Would you mind if I lay my head on your lap?” She asks without giving me those cheating puppy eyes but rather stares at me with a tired expression. I guess even Pinkie can get tired.

“Sure, just don’t fall asleep and drool on me or something” I sarcastically remark.

She smiles while closing her eyes and scooting her head into my lap. “Thanks Joey, I could tell you were really uncomfortable today being around all those ponies and you have to wear that collar too. I can’t imagine how difficult that was”

I find myself instinctively scratching Pinkies head while playing with her hair. She smells like cherry candy and her hair is surprisingly soft for how well it maintains its poof. “Your hoofs are wonderful”. Her mislabeling of my hands draws a chuckle out of me. Although all this extra contact is normally uncomfortable for me, I find myself too tired to really care.

“It’s pretty pathetic but, I can’t handle large crowds well or really be around to many peo- ponies without nearly having a panic attack after a while” This makes Pinkie open her eyes to look at me. Her hoof coming up to reach my face pulling me from looking away from her eyes. I become embarrassed at this position quickly.

“I don’t think your pathetic, I think your very brave for doing what you do given your circumstances” Her face also a shade of red. Things finally start to feel too uncomfortable for me. “Here I’ll repay you for today with a back rub, how’s that sound?” She says with lazy eyes and a small smile.

My heart feels like it’s going to leap out of my chest, and my whole body starts to feel hot. “Ummm.... I... can I, I n-need to use the restroom” I stutter and lightly move Pinkie off of my lap before heading to the bathroom a little down the hall.

I splash my face with cold water, and look to myself in the mirror. “Tighten the fuck up, and take the back rub” I say as I slap the sides of my face simultaneously. Im supposed to be repaying her though! She sounded like she wanted to...yea I should just calm down and take the damn back rub. I walk back to Pinkies room to find her sitting near the bean bag looking distraught.

“Listen I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable for being so touchy, I just... -“

I cut her off, “I wouldn’t mind a back rub Pinkie” I say while rubbing the back of my neck looking away.

She starts to cheer up immediately given the news and pats the bed for me to lay down as she hops up. “You won’t regret it! I’m an excellent masseur”

I lay down on the bed on my stomach, “You better be because I’ll start calling you by your initials if I’m not impressed”

“PDP?”

“D? I thought your name would be PP?”

She giggles, “My middle names Diane silly” as she begin to work into my shoulders.

I’d be lying if I said this feeling was anything but heavenly. The contract against my back makes me jolt a little the first few times but I eventually become like clay in Pinkies hoofs. I’d display my pleasure from her work with some sort of noise but that’d be too embarrassing so I settle with just telling her. “You actually are really good” My words slightly muffled by the covers on her bed.

“Is... is it okay if I go under your shirt?” Pinkie hesitantly asked. This question makes me incredibly nervous yet the most I can do in response nod my head as she slides her hoofs under my shirt. Their texture surprisingly soft almost like hands but firm like nail. The embarrassment soon dissipates from the continued work.

After a few minutes I start to lose the battle over my exhaustion. More minutes pass and I find myself succumbing, as I fall asleep.

I’m in a room, a large room at that but the darkness surrounding me makes it difficult to make anything out. The walls appear to be stone as if I was within a castle of some sort, this likely the answer given the incredible height of the ceiling. A tall figure starts to protrude from the dark looming towards me. It’s lean figure quite frightening and dark as it’s eyes appear staring at me, their color either cyan or teal I’m not sure. I back away toward the wall only for it to speak up.

“Thou the human my sister speaks of?” As the figure in question walks into my sight, a dark blue pony standing almost as tall as Celestia would, it’s eyes just at my neck. With a further inspection of the ponies face and the tone of its voice I’d likely say this would be a mare, likely a princess as well as she carried regalia along her armor. I was still frozen in place, her appearance rather pretty however, still terrifying at the same time.

“Y-yes, w-who are y-you?” I ask with my back pinned against the wall. The pony stops and sits where she removes her helmet to reveal her flowing mane, stars and galactic figures covering its flow. Helmet removed, this pony is quite stunning to look at in its full glory.

“You stand before us, princess of the night and guardian of dreams, you may call us Princess Luna” Her voice carrying power, leaving me placed still against the wall. She smiles, “There is no need for fear, we only wished to meet the one they called human” her tone changing to something more comfortable. I pull myself from the wall and look over the pony before asking a question.

“Your the other princesses then right? Where am I and how did I get here?” I ask scratching my head, completely dumbfounded.

She starts with a light chuckle only to fill into a hardy laugh. She wipes a tear of laughter from her eye as she speaks, “Tis been a long time since one has seemed so lost as you. You are in our dreamscape, we traverse amongst dreams ridding them of nightmares, though this instance an exception. We wished to meet thou muzzle to face however, this shall do”

Her English clearly old fashioned however, bits and pieces seemed to be poking through of a more modern version of speaking. She seems to be adjusting to modern English if I was to guess but why?

“I don’t mean this to be offensive in any way but, why do you speak so different then Celestia, or really any other pony?”

Her mood seems to change some, looking more somber, “Tis a question too long to answer for now, please indulge us on who thou is” she asks while lighting up her horn.

Instantly we are moved from the dark stone room into another room, it’s walls still stone with a small table separating me and the night princess along with a fireplace. I find myself sitting in a large comfortable chair, it’s regalia carved into the wood work of its frame. My pack presses against the pelt of some large animal, it’s markings unfamiliar of that I’ve ever seen. The fireplace however, was incredible large in stature, where one could quite easily climb into and almost stand tall. It’s build made of brick, thinning out as it went into the ceiling, while just above it rest two portraits of the pony matriarchs.

I look over to the princess to see her leaning toward me in curiosity, waiting for my response. All this strangeness could be only answered with the assumption that I’m dreaming, likely within my own head talking to the princess. I would be amazed by what’s occurring if wasn’t distracted by the pony near me, I ought to give an answer.

“I guess... I should say my name first” I hesitantly state. “My names Joe, Joe Marshall, you can call me Joey and... well you know I’m a human” I place my hand to my chest while giving a nervous smile. I sit there for a few seconds thinking of what to say next.

Oh god this is awkward, please just ask me a question

The large pony almost as if she could read my mind breaks the silence. “Tell us about this Earth my sister speaks of, it intrigues us”

“Well where to begin? It’s like Equestria honestly, like geographically I mean. We have deserts, mountains, volcanos, and all the same types of regions you see here the only difference being the folk living in them. My kind, humans are the only... only ah shit I can’t think of the word. Umm a word that means intelligent”

“Sentient?” Luna answers.

“Yea, sentient” Really proved the intelligence of humans there didn’t we. “Anyway, humans cover most of the planet and we have different races too, just like how there are different types of ponies”

“Thou do know there are more than just ponies? Equestria carries other sentient beings” She speaks with a smirk.

“I didn’t know that, I’ll have to ask Twilight about that later” I continue, “So like I was saying, there’s different races and religions as well but, we don’t often agree. We even war against each other at times knowing the consequences and now we hadn’t had a serious global war in some time as each country carries bombs large enough to kill us all”

Luna raises an eyebrow, “Seems pointless to carry weapons of such caliber, thou would understand it’s danger and thus not ever use it no?”

I share agreement, “Yea but, we have to. The countries without them are vulnerable, it’s pretty much just to say ‘hey if you bomb us we can bomb you back’. Nobody really wins in that case so I don’t ever see them being used but, I’ll never really know now” I say somberly.

Luna seems to share sentiment with me. “We, excuse us... me. I’m trying to adjust to today’s Poneish, you see as we were banished once. For 1000 years I had been on the moon. We share with your pain of not knowing of what’s happening back home” Her dialogue a battle of two time periods. It’s strange off putting sound draws laughter from me.

Luna stares inquisitively, “What does thou find funny?”

“Y-you” I laugh, “I’m sorry I can tell your really trying to adjust your language but, it sounds kind of funny”

She smiles, “We are glad thou finds this funny and are willingly able to say, most ponies are too fearful to even approach us”

“Well I don’t really have any experience with royalty besides talking with your sister but, I’m sure everyone likes to feel normal sometimes even a princess”

Lunas smile grows wider, “Perhaps we... I could speak with Joe... you more often? Like practice for our speech”

“I wouldn’t mind, it can be like a weekly thing or something. You can just show up in my dream and we can talk just like this”

Luna is positively beaming at this point, “I thank thou for their generosity! We shall look forward to the next meeting” She giggles.

Even the damn princesses are cute, I can’t handle all of this adorable without suffering some sort of complication, it’s just too much!

My mind goes to what she said earlier, 1000 years?!? How old was this pony? “I’m sorry to hear what happened before though, maybe next time you can tell me what happened”

Lunas expression changes from a smile to one of acceptance, “We’ve found peace with our past Joey, tis something to speak about next time”

I start to feel prickling across my entire body and look to Luna. “It appears thou is awaking, we shall see you” Luna smiles as she wishes me off. The room becoming bright til I cannot see anymore.

I open my eyes, it’s dark. I look around to see I’m still in Pinkies room with something warm curled against me. I find myself on top of her bed sheets now on my back with Pinkies body hugging against mine, her head resting on my chest. Her cherry smell overflowing my senses, my heart rate starts in increase. This is uncomfortable for me, I do enjoy cuddling however, but this was uninvited. Looking to the peaceful pony I can’t compel myself to wake her, it feels wrong. I can at least put up with this for all the effort she put into trying to make me comfortable.

I glance to the window it’s curtains shut however, the lack of light tells the story of what time it is, nightfall or shorty after. Twilights probably worried about me. I look back to Pinkie, I start to scratch her head lightly in an attempt to rouse her. She lightly coos and leans against my hand, it’s almost like she’s purring. “Pinkie” I whisper. “Pinkie wake up” she stirs slightly and murmurs something illegible. “Pinkie?” She lifts her head with a small strand of saliva coming from the edge of her mouth to my shirt. That’s pretty gross. Her eyes barely open as she faces me.

“Mornin Joey, how are you?” Completely unaware of her surrounding beside me.

“Pinkie I need to go home, Twilight is going to be worried about me” I plead my case to the drowsy pony. She responds with hugging me tighter against her frame.

“Just a little longer Joey, please” Her final word sounding desperate, almost sad. It’s tone effective enough to persuade me into wrapping my arm around the party pony.

“Okay just a little more, then you have to let me go”

She nods rubbing her head against me. Her warmth very pleasing along with her scent, it’s almost enough to place me into a trance. The previous nap gives me the energy to stay awake however, so I lay there in thought.

Pinkie sounded so sad, it’s just some cuddles I mean I’d be willing to put up with giving some every once in a while. I wonder why she’s so bothered, maybe she’s just tired.

I fiddle with my collar with my other hand. It’s not painful to wear at least. Only if it could be invisible or some shit, that would be cool.

I lay there for some time, lost in thought. Sounds from downstairs of shuffling chairs distract me for the moment, they’re likely cleaning up the place. I scratch Pinkie behind the ear, “Alright sleepy, I gotta go soon” She shakes her head no. “How about this, whenever you need some Joey cuddles, I’ll deliver them, no shipping tax” She grumbles before pulling away and rubbing her eyes.

“Your a good hooman Joey, too good to this pony and I want you to know that” Her speech slow. I get up and pick the pony up and place her under her bedsheets, tucking her in. I sit on her bedside while she slowly starts to fall back asleep.

“Well your too good of a friend, you deserve whatever I can offer” I say while scratching her head one last time. “I didn’t mind that as much as I thought I would, and I admit, your a good masseur” I say with a smile while turning toward her. She already asleep again. I smile for a split second before I turn around and start to leave but, not before tuning and whispering “Thanks Pinkie” shutting the door slowly behind me.

I head out of Sugar Cube Corner giving the cakes a good night as I walk into the street. Ponyville was usually dark at night given the lack of lighting technology yet the roads still carried few lantern posts. Ponies in this world seem to have certain technological advancements however, they still do not have lights and I’m not exactly Thomas Edison so it’s unlikely I could teach them. I made my way toward Twilights without issue seeing how most of the town was now home leaving the streets empty. I’m getting home pretty late, I hope Twilight isn’t mad. Surprisingly, once home there was no one awake and the candles were already extinguished, all but one resting on the checkin desk. I walked over noticing a note left behind, it’s writing that of Twilights.

‘Joey, I know your going to be be late given that your helping Pinkie, she’s likely going to try and keep you all day and night. Don’t be mad at her she’s just a little possessive... and touchy, it’s how she copes with things. She’s been really busy lately helping around town with preparations for the running with leaves so she probably needs a recharge and your the perfect candidate! Anyway thank you and help yourself to leftover dinner in the fridge. Signed Twilight’

That’s considerate but, feels more like a bribe at this point given she knew what was going to happen and didn’t tell me. It’s too late now though so better to leave the past behind. I reheat some of the leftovers and eat then prepare for bed. Once under the covers I lay there for some time, unable to stop thinking back of today’s events. The ponies staring at me, pointing, saying shit about me, I hated it. After some time I realize I can’t stop my brain even as my eyes get heavy. Sleep doesn’t take me for a while that night.

4 Generosity & Kindness

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The day starts off perfect! I wake up in bed feeling nauseous and exhausted from the lack of sleep, my own body feeling much heavier than usual. I lift my head to face the clock, 1:23 pm, yep that sounds about right given last nights sleeping trouble. I pull myself up for a second only to fall victim to the beds warm embrace, eh maybe tomorrow I’ll get up. Resting peacefully waiting for my sickness to subside, I hear hoof steps approach my room door. If I had to place a bet on the pony behind It, I’d say Twi. There’s three knocks before a voice speaks up.

“Hey Joey, you sleeping? I’m coming in” It’s Twilights voice clearly as she opens the door after a few seconds, stepping into the room. Well my bet hit, where’s my money punk? Yea I’m talking to you reader, cough it up.

“You feel okay Joe? It’s awfully late for you to still be in bed, honestly I wasn’t sure if you had come home yesterday” I can’t see her as I’m facing away from the door curled up into a cocoon of blankets.

“Pinkie was very touchy Twi, very touchy” My voice much deeper and croaking as I speak, it’s morning voice. “And .......” I say the rest too low for Twilight to understand.

“What Joey?” She takes a few steps closer to the bed now within my range, she just doesn’t know it yet.

“...... would” I do the same as before but this time finish the sentence just loud enough for her to hear the last word. She takes the bait hook line and sinker, and moves right up to the bed, her ear facing me with her head to the side. “Gotcha!” I yell as I grab her suddenly pulling her into the blankets.

“Whaaaaaa!” Twilight squeaks as she becomes the former human turned blanket monster’s meal, consumed by the covers.

“Twilight you knew she’d be all touchy! Why didn’t you warn me or tell her I’m uncomfortable with that stuff?” Twilight manages to pull her head from above the covers to face me looming over with a stern expression. “Such treachery declares punishment!” I yell as I tickle the purple miscreant.

She yelps as I start the assault, her only possible first response being laughter. “Please please sttoooopp, I’m sorry Joey I’m sorry!” She manages to make out between laughs, I seize the attack. Although I might find uninvited contact discomforting, if I know it’s coming or wish to cause it, I find myself content.

“Speak your plea, the jury will hear your words” I say in a British tone, still hovering over Twi.

“You can’t lie! It was good for both of you! Pinkie likes cuddles and stuff like that and you needed to get to know Pinkie better, it was a win win scenario!” Her face in worry, expecting another onslaught from the human, I however was in thought.

Hmm, she’s probably right but, still it pisses me off she’d set me up like that. I look to Twilights face to see her in anticipation to my response and also.... embarrassment? I look to see the situation we find ourselves in, me in my pajamas over the unicorn as she’s pinned under the covers beneath. My face reaches a similar color as Twilights, I sit back allowing her to get up. We both look away from each other in silence.

“Sorry, that was inappropriate of me” I say rubbing the back of my neck.

“I’m sorry too, I should have warned you about Pinkie” We sit there for a few seconds before Twilight turns to me, “You guys had fun though right?”

I think back to yesterday’s events, first remembering the tasks we did before realizing what occurred at the end of the day in Pinkies room. Her warm cuddles against my side along with the gentle rhythmic motion of her heart, it’s pace matching mine at points, her soft cotton candy hair. My blush grows larger as I cough, “It was nice”

Twilight notices my strange attitude, “Well it seems like something happened now didn’t it?” Her face covered with a large shit eating grin, damn you Twilight. I try to change the subject.

“Nothing big, also I couldn’t sleep last night like before, to be honest I think it’s the collar, ever since I put it on I started feeling shitty again. Does that make sense at all?” My subject change being an important topic anyway so better to figure this out then for Twi to pester me.

She frowns, “I worried this could happen”

“What could happen?”

“Well it’s likely the magic within you is the reason you feel so sick, and wearing that collar keeps it all bottled up. We should find a way to safely release your magic in case it becomes too much”

I rub my hand against my forehead, as I let out a big sigh. “Well fuck, that’s just swell” How am I supposed to live like this? I’m going to be a ticking time bomb if a don’t blow my magic load every so often or else who the fuck knows what happens! “So do you have any ideas as of now, cause I don’t want to find out what will happen if we don’t do something”

Twilight looks away in thought and hops off the bed pacing across the room. “Nothing right now but you are a different species so maybe you’ll be fine? The only other pony to suffer with this type of magic was just that, a pony” She says while shrugging her shoulders. “I’ll look into maybe finding someplace where you can take it off safely, I’ll ask Celestia for advice. Also Spike got your medication yesterday, it’s on the kitchen counter” She starts to walk out of the room but stops just short of the entrance. “Don’t worry Joey, I’ll figure something out” giving me a reassuring smile before heading out of the room.

Left with my thoughts I get out of bed and begin getting ready for the day. I grab a handful of clothes to wear that were handcrafted by Rarity. Although they were very plain in style, the comfort and fit was plenty good enough for me to enjoy wearing. My choice for today was a brown button up long sleeve shirt with some dark blue jeans, my socks all black. I freshen up and head downstairs to have some breakfast.... well lunch at this point or not really even lunch but that doesn’t really matter. While eating Spike sits down with me munching on a ruby which I still find preposterous. How does he eat those?

“Hey Spike, is Rarity busy today? I need to pay her back sometime for making all-“ I wave my hand over myself, “this clothing” He gives me a stare before saying, “She’s home but I’m not sure if she’s busy. If you plan on going there it’s not going to be without me” he says pointing his thumb to his chest.

I chuckle, “You seem awfully worried about me stealing your pony, you shouldn’t be so possessive” I reach over to rub his head only to be smacked away.

“If I let you go alone your gonna say a bunch of embarrassing things about me to Rarity!” He says, pointing at me in accusation.

“Me? Gossip to Rare? I would never” I give my best act of disbelief to Spike.

“Rare?! You can’t call her that! She’s a sophisticated mare, she deserves more respect!” Spike clearly getting angry.

“I had this plan right? I call her rare, and she responds with ‘rare? What a strange nickname’ and I say ‘well I’d say your quite the gem’. She’ll be fawning over me with that little jester” Grinning as I finish elaborating my plan. Spike doesn’t like the idea, and he proves this by beginning to climb over the table toward me in anger. “Spike I’m kidding chill out, you can come with me!”

This stops him for a second, before he jumps off the table and faces me. “Your not allowed to call her rare or hit on her or do anything that you know I won’t like!” He puffs out his chest with his stubby arms crossed.

“You got it partner!” Giving two thumbs up with a large grin. Spike ignores my stupidity and heads into the library section of the home to get ready. I get one more glass of water to help fight my morning sickness and follow Spike into the other room.

Twilight is helping a group of 3 small fillies look for a book, well I guess look for a book it is a library. I wave to her pointing toward the door. She understands my gesture and nods to prove it, me and Spike head outside.

“Let’s make getting there quick Spike, I hate being outside with this collar” He gets the message and quickens his pace, guiding me toward Rarity’s home. This proves to be futile as I notice a certain hick pony from the day I hung out with Rainbow eyeballing be up.

“HEYA YA FREAK! YA OUGHTA LIVE IN THE EVERFREE WERE YA BALONG” He bellows toward me, standing some 20 feet away. His yells draw attention toward himself and then to his focus. I feel myself grow small as a large majority of the ponies around find themselves looking at me, some with pity due to his insult, few with agreement of the hick, and the rest not sure what to make of the situation. I know what to make of it as I start to feel sick, wanting to be anywhere but where I am now. Me and Spike hurry our pace away from the ponies, his yelling still audible, “YER A MONSTER! JUS LOOK AT YERSELF!”

We eventually get out his sight silencing his ignorance, my fists clenched in frustration. Spike speaks up first, “That guy really was something wasn’t he? What a fool!” he says not looking toward me but continuing on forward.

“Fucking prick is what he is, I’m sick of this attention, I’m sick of the fucking collar, and I’m FUCKING SICK OF FEELING SICK!” I let my anger get the best of me completely losing my composure. My outburst draws a few looks from around but the reaction that impacts me is Spikes, fear ridden across his features of such anger from me. It’s the first time I’ve lost myself here, also first time anypony has seen it as well. Spike turns his head away from me, his mood changed to a timid version of before.

“Spike I’m sorry, that... that was uncalled for, I really let that guy get to me” I rub my neck looking away to the scenery as we walk. Spike doesn’t say much after that, he’s probably scared of me. Maybe I am just a monster in this world? I mean I’m a walking talking suicide bomb apparently and it doesn’t help that I stand out terribly, I just wanna go home. My posture deflates as we reach Rarity’s home, Spike knocks on the door and takes a step back.

The door slightly opens to show half of the face of a white mare, “Why hello dear, oh and my little Spikey Wikey as well! Well come in, come in” she opens the door the rest of the way motioning us to enter. Spike seems much more cheerful now in the presence of Rarity then he was before, practically clinging to her side. “Well what brings me the pleasure of seeing you two fine gentlecolts today?” Her tone appearing flirty however, it’s well known to the two of us it’s just the way she carries herself.

“Since you made me a bunch of clothes for free and have been so helpful as to making me comfortable here, I was wondering if I could help you out today as repayment. Spike wanted to come along as well, you know how he is” I wink to Rarity right in front of Spike.

“What’s that supposed to mean?! I know you forget your manners around elegant mares and felt like I should keep you in check” Spike crosses his arms at this notion standing tall, well as tall as he can.

What a simp

I chuckle at my own thoughts, “Sorry for such short notice but, I’m willing to do whatever, as long as it isn’t sewing or stuff like that because then I’m useless”

“Hmm” Rarity stands there deep in thought for a moment before having an epiphany. “Oh I know! How about you help deliver all my orders I’ve finished? And for the last one take this blanket I had restitched for Fluttershy, it’s no charge so make sure to do this last. You could help Fluttershy today as well after that, how’s that sound!” She excitedly says, proud of her plan.

“Is that really it? I mean I can help more, you made me all of those clothes Rarity. I’d feel bad if all I did was run a few orders”

She shakes her head no, “Trust me darling, your fine with just this, I hate having to deliver these anyway, the muddy streets always mess up my coat” she lifts her head in disgust at just the thought of having muddy hooves.

I laugh a little, “Okay, then I’ll take these ones first and return with the pay, then I’ll take the Fluttershy one and get out of your mane” I smile before looking at Spike. “Are you sure you don’t want him coming as well? I mean if he was any closer to you he’d be attached!”

This draws a few laughs from Rarity before she turns and starts shooing Spike toward the back, he lingers some. “No dear, I still need somepony to be my model and sadly you just don’t fit the size I need Joey” She takes Spike into her hoof guiding him into the other room, “Thank you Joey, your a lifesaver to this old mare”

I grab the few orders and stuff them into a large saddle bag, then wrap it over my shoulder. I walk out the door with a list of names as well looking to it for the first pony. Painfully enough for me, I don’t recognize most of the names and addresses on this list and end up needing to get directions from ponies constantly for each location. The task becomes quite difficult to me given the continued questions back toward me with each encounter. Usually they either ask something like ‘what are you?’ or ‘are you someponys pet?’ or my favorite ‘you look like you could use a break, would you like to come to my house for a drink?’ the last question only coming up once but still just as awkward. All this social interaction starts to wear on me quickly, eventually boiling over.

As I deliver the last ponies order and ask for payment, the mare stops for a second and stares at me seductively. “Well I’m a little short on bits you see and I’m willing to pay in another way if you wouldn’t mind? I’ve always wondered what your hiding under those clothes...” My patience runs dry, as I stand my ground.

“Well I’d prefer if you paid for this order with bits” I snap back at the mare, my frustration visible. Instead she ignores my anger and walks along me brushing her tail against my privates. I push her away immediately and stare wide eyed. “What the fuck is your problem?!?” I back away quickly fearing she might make another advancement. “Don’t... don’t touch me”

My heart rate is through the roof as I have to place my arm against the support beam on this ponies porch to hold myself up. Her attitude quickly shifting to fear, “Are you okay? Look I’m sorry I’ll go get the bits” she heads back inside while I have to lean against the wall, slowly sliding down til I’m in a sitting position. My heart painfully throbs, it feels like it could explode at any second. I struggle to breathe causing tears to run down my face as I start to hyperventilate, I pick myself up and stumble away from the home toward an alley between buildings.

Thankfully the mares house is located on the outskirts of town and no pony notices my behavior. I curl myself into a ball against the wall, my body shivers uncontrollably as I weep into my legs. I stay like this for a few minutes as I slowly begin to calm down, my breathing coming in long labored breathes. My own head tortures me, I start to think about the relationships I have here, judging their actuality.

Twilight probably just sees me as a test subject I mean look at all the stupid shit she’s done to me. I bet she keeps me around just for learning about humans. Rainbow feels bad for me, just pity friendship, and Pinkie? She just wants to use me for her own pleasure.. *shudder*

I wipe my face and try to regain my composure, this has been a terrible day already. I pick myself up once I think I’m okay and head back to Rarity’s placing my own bits in her bag for the last order, I couldn’t possibly go back and face that mare. I quickly head in once I get back and place the saddle bag down before grabbing Fluttershys order and head back out. I know where her home resides as it was the first place I was taken to when I arrived here.

After a long walk I arrive at the timid ponies home and knock on the door. Fluttershy opens the curtains to her window to peak outside, I wave to her and she heads to the door to let me in. “J-Joey, h-how are y-you?” Her nervousness clear, I wouldn’t blame her. Imagine some alien you barely know showing up at your home uninvited? Even if she considers me a friend, she still doesn’t really know me, even Spike... I let my mind wander to my earlier outburst. Fluttershy notices my sudden change of behavior along with my lack of response as she shifts to a more confident self, pushing me into the home and onto the couch. She sits opposite of me pouring herself and I some tea.

Before she can pour mine I stop her, “I’m sorry I don’t like tea, could you get me some water?” She nods and takes my cup to the kitchen pouring me a glass before coming back and setting it down on the table between us. I guess she isn’t so shy when she sees someone struggling, what a nice gal.

“Are you okay Joey? You don’t look to good, are you sick?” Fluttershy’s motherly instincts kicking in as she’s prepared to get up and feel my forehead. I shake my head no, “I’m fine Shy, I came here to bring your blanket Rarity fixed” Fluttershy perks up at this news and takes the blanket from me with a smile.

“Thank you Joey. I was going to come get this later, you saved me the trip” She says with as much excitement as you’ll see out of the mare. I’d smile but there’s nothing left in me for the day so I settle with taking a drink from my glass and humming ‘uh huh’.

“Joey if something happened or if you don’t feel good you can tell me, it always feels better to talk to someone” She reaches out to put her hoof on my hand. I instinctively pull back, my quick reaction startling us both, I look away.

“Sorry, listen I just.... I want to go home, like home home” My voice almost reaches a whisper by the end. I look to the window admiring the Everfree forest just outside of Fluttershy’s cottage.

I don’t belong here, and I hate living like this, it’s just too much for me

Homesickness and stress overtakes me as I slouch deeper into the couch. Fluttershy seems quite bothered by my melancholy behavior and comes over to sit next to me being careful not to get too close for my comfort. She looks to the same window I find myself staring into.

“Well there isn’t much I can do about that...” She starts, putting her hoof to her chin. “Oh I know, an animal fact might cheer you up! Did you know that some parrots will help each other out even without expecting a reward?” She looks to me, “Not saying you or me are parrots but, it’s nice to think that even though they might not know each other or really understand each other as well as we might be able to, they still work together selflessly” She finished with a small smile facing me still. “What I mean to say is Joey I don’t need any help today but, I’ll be sure to tell you when I do but know this, you don’t owe me or anyone anything” I look at Fluttershy confused by her understanding of my purpose here. She giggles, “Twilight sent me a letter asking if I needed any help earlier”

I sigh, “I should get going then, thanks for the water” I say while making my way to the door.

“Joey?” I stop just before the entrance still not looking her way. “I meant what I said earlier, you don’t owe us anything. Me and the girls are here for you and your our friend, we care about you” Her last words hitting home. If I stayed and talked I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to keep myself from breaking down, today’s earlier fuck ups evidence of my fragile state.

“I’ll remember that Shy.... and thanks-“ I turn toward her closing my eyes to hide the tears brimming in my eyes, “-for p-putting up with me” and I give my best smile.

I quickly exit the cottage and head back to Twilights taking a route around town on the outskirts of the Everfree. I try to focus on anything but my thoughts, my head currently a war zone for control. Eventually I come to a stop near the same location Rainbow tackled me the other day, I lay back down in the same spot, resting both hands behind my head. Focusing on my breathing in order to avoid letting my mind wander while also calming myself. I slip for a moment, thinking about something not rather negative but, something I had done to Rainbow two days before my accident.

It was a week and a half since I’d gotten stuck in Equestria and the only pony I really knew personally at any level was Dash. Her constant boasting grew a competitive fire within me to silence her bragging so in response we generally spent every other day hanging out doing some sort of competition. Eventually this turned to pranks on the other once one of us had lost, the first prank being that of Rainbow tying my shoes together while her little orange follower helped distract me. The distracter was some filly who’s name I’m blanking on but her appearance was easy to remember being the fact she had such contrasting colors. Her mane being purple and her coat orange, and I do remember her having short stubby wings as well. I’m getting off topic, let me tell you my revenge.

I chuckle thinking of my return fire, the same attack that landed me my tackle the day after the incident. I had the help of Pinkie Pie who was kind enough to lend me some party steamers, balloons, and some colorful lettering for me to spell out the punchline. I’d left the trap in Twilights library after close one night and invited her over for a “gift” to show my appreciation. Her face was priceless as the words just below the ceiling hanging on a beam read ‘proud you came out!’ with me standing just below blowing my party horn, hands raised to the sky. I rub my upper arm thinking back to how much of a beating she put on it after.

The memory brings a smile to my face, a fleeting ray of sunshine on my otherwise cloudy day. I get up and continue my way back to Twilights, the trip taking a few minutes without any interruptions, well I couldn’t tell if there was as by this point I was numb of my surroundings. Once back inside, I headed up into the living quarters and continued up into my room falling onto my bed. I was tired yet, couldn’t sleep.

The medication

I get up and gather the container looking at it’s details while walking back to my room. Although I don’t recognize the name on the bottle, it’s description is that of a ‘sleeping enhancement’. Good enough for me as I swallow the recommended amount and leap back onto the bed face first. It’s magic working immediately, sucking me into the void.

Something pokes me in my side, however I’m too tired to give it attention and roll over on my side away from it. It’s intensity increases on the next poke followed by Twilights voice, “Joe, you walked right past me earlier and ignored me! Then you go right to sleep at-“ she looks to the clock, “4:30? What’s the big deal?”

I grumble a bit before rolling over facing the nerdy purple poker, “It’s been a long day for me Twi and the medication works, slept like a dead man”

She ignores my strange analogy, and hops up on my bed sitting next to me. “That’s great but, you didn’t give me an answer”

I start to get frustrated, “I said it’s been a long day, I don’t want to go into details” I put emphasis on the words long day to further my point across. Twilight however seems to have had a bad day herself as she proceeds to put her face right up to mine, her eyebrows in the shape of a v.

“Joey just tell me, why is it such a big deal to tell me stuff?”

I push myself up now clearly mad, Twilight was getting on thin ice. “Twilight... drop it”

SHE huffs and hops off the bed, “You can’t just expect to solve everything yourself Joey! I’m here to help... I want to help, we want to help. Just give me and the girls a chance”

Her persistence pays off as I’m pissed, I get woken up to Twilight pestering me trying to figure out my problems. “You know what? Here I’ll tell you, I’m fucking tired, I’m tired of feeling sick, I’m tired of all this attention, and I’m tired of this fucking collar!” I pull at it violently scratching the skin on my neck, I ignore the pain and continue, practically yelling now. “Today some disgusting pervert mare tried to fuck me! She wouldn’t give me the damn bits for Rarity’s work and instead touched my fucking dick! That’s sexual harassment and here, in Equestria what is it.... nothing! Nothing at all because I’m just some freak who some ponies think might be an interesting night in the sack!”

Twilights shrinks down into her own disappointment of her local ponies and of disappointment in herself for pushing me. Her ears flat against her hanging head, tears start to drip down her face. “I... I d-didn’t know” she chokes out. “I’m so s-sorry”

She sits down covering her face with her forearm, “I s-should go...” Her now defeated form starts to drag itself up to leave the room. Guilt fills me from my outburst, I need to fix this.

“Twi... I....” I cause her to stop, she looks at me through her teary eyes. I look away while patting the bed next to me, lifting my arm for a hug, “come here”

She loses it now bawling as she leaps into my side crying. This is like the third time I’ve made this innocent pony cry, she didn’t do anything wrong this time!

She just wanted to help you, fucking moron

I hug her tightly against my side, the guilt of my actions stirs within me, I feel disgusted with myself. “I’m really sorry Twi, I really really am” I say just above a whisper. “If somethings really wrong... I promise I’ll tell you” She looks up from my side to face me.

“*sniff* Pinkie Promise *sniff*” She says going back to my side wiping the tears and snot from her face onto my shirt, yucky.

“I don’t know if I’m allowed to do that without a Pinkie present Twi” I say with a light smile. She gives a single huff, it’s the closest she can give to a laugh currently.

“A regular p-promise then” I hug her tightly again.

“I promise”

We stay like this for a while, Twilight after some time is laying on her side facing away from me, head on my lap. My hand brushes through her mane, scratching her head between brushes. She’s fallen asleep, her facial expression so peaceful, resting without worry. Meanwhile I remain disgusted with myself, sick to my gut of the way I acted with Twi and Spike today.

Relative to the folk living here, I’m unstable, dangerous, and a monster. These ponies would be better off without me...

I quickly realize what I had just thought shaking my head. No no no, nope, we are not going there. I just need to get acclimated here, I’m just stressed out with all this change. I keep telling myself thoughts like that for a while, trying to rebuild my composure, after some time removing the pony from my lap and placing a pillow under her head. I leave the room and find myself something to eat, I pour myself a bowl of cereal, my stomach not feeling like eating that much after today’s events. I enjoy the sugary treat along with a tall glass of water before I’m greeted by Spike returning home.

“Hey Joey!” He smiles clearly in a good mood. He almost skips over to the table I’m eating at and lays down a letter, it’s sealed with an Equestrian royalty stamp.

“What’s got you all giddy?” I say raising one eyebrow.

He blushes, “nothing really, just... just had a nice day!” He blurts the last bit suddenly.

“You guys fuck?”

His face becomes red, steam visibly coming out of his ears. Hilariously, his tail became lit at the end at the same time. Spike shakes the flame out while looking at me, “What?!? No! What the heck Joey!”

His embarrassment and the look on his face is enough to make my shitty day, I start to laugh. “That’s not funny!” His response only furthering my laughter, tears brimming in my eyes as I have to hold my stomach in pain.

“Oh my god! I’m crying, this is too much” I wave my other hand like a fan toward my face attempting to cool myself down. Spike stands there, anger across his face waiting for me to finish. I finally settle down after a bit, “You were *heh* you were so shook your tail was on fire”

“Laugh it up big guy, but I’m the winner here” He boasts. I turn my head to the side smiling.

“How’s that?” I consider finishing my question with something like ‘she jerked ya off?’ but I refrain wanting to know the actual reason.

“Rarity kissed me!” He says hand on his head staring all dreamily, I swear he even had hearts around his head.

“Yea probably on your head” (his forehead pervert)

“So? A kiss is a kiss?” He says crossing his arms.

So defensive

“Well I’d argue with you normally but after today? Let’s just say good job little man” I finish and give him a fist bump. “Way to go champ”

He cringes at my nickname, “Yeaaa... maybe don’t call me champ, feels kinda weird”

I chuckle, “Dad vibes?”

“Dad vibes”

We both laugh a little and chat some more at the table. After some time my curiosity goes to the letter Spike brought along with him earlier. “So what’s with the letter?”

He looks in its direction saying, “oh it’s for Twilight, says I’m not supposed to read it”

I frown, “That’s lame, well let’s go get her to open it”

Spike nods in agreement as we get up from the table and head toward my room, Spike following close behind letter in hand. I stop in front of the door before Spike looks to me confused then puts his hand over his open mouth in shock. “Did, did you two...”

“What? No you pervert, she got tired and fell asleep talking to me so I let her sleep”

“Me pervert?” He points to himself. “I’m not the one who says all the raunchy stuff”

We both argue at a whisper before I stop and put my ear to the door thinking I heard a noise. It’s quiet.... so I open the door slowly to see if Twilights still sleeping on my bed, she’s out cold. I grab the letter from Spike and bap Twi right on the nose, payback for earlier. She stirs awake, looking to me and Spike then placing her focus on the letter I present toward her. Her eyes open wide when she notices the stamp, quickly grabbing it from my hand with her magic. Unfolding it toward herself she read for a minute before placing it down staring at me with a smile.

“Joey! Read this” she points to a specific point with her hoof, my eyes focus on the words.

‘In payment of the damages done upon the endangered human, he is hereby granted citizenship in Equestria and given the deed of one property along the outskirts of Ponyville, just along the Everfree. Included with these gifts, a steady payment of 700 bits per month shall also be provided’

I’m shocked, I mean I was sort of getting used to living in the tree home. I look to Spike and Twilight for their reactions. While both are happy for me they seem clearly bothered by the loss of my company. “700 bits a month? You’ll easily pay rent with that and have plenty to spend!” Spike says grabbing the letter into his own hands to read again.

“We should look into the property tomorrow, aren’t you happy Joey?”

I stand there conflicted, although I find myself usually comfortable by myself, this new surrounding has become quite the new comfortable. I honestly enjoy my current living situation if we mean just the home and roommates. I give Twi a small smile, “Yea, I’ll stop being in your hair so much”

Frowning slightly Twi places a hoof on my arm, “I like your company, just because you have a home now doesn’t mean you have to become a stranger. You can always come over whenever you want!”

I guess this is for the best when you think about it, hell I can even take my collar off when I’m home alone. All this money and a home without needing to work seems like a bunch of boredom though, maybe I should just be like a helper for Twilight and her friends? I mean today was tough, reeeal tough but, that’s really been the first time I had a bad day since the first day here. I need to toughen up and get used to this new life otherwise I’m just asking for trouble.

“I’ll be sure to find time with my busy schedule” I joke.

She rolls her eyes, “Oh sure, busy businesspony. Between your two jobs you oughta take a break and hang out with me and Spike”

I chuckle, “I don’t know, with the new merger I’ve really been swamped lately” I say scratching my neck. Twilight gives her best puppy eyes, breaking my role play. “Alright alright, jeez no need to pull out the big guns. I still owe you all help, aaand I’ll need something to do...” Twi shoves me lightly giggling.

“Yep! And we love having you around Joe, I mean it... even with our few bumps” She says the last part with a smile but her discomfort with the recent situation still showing with her flat ears.

“And I can come over whenever right?” Spike asked.

“Well duh” I rub his head causing him to instinctively swat my hand away, “I always got time for my dragon bro” holding out my fist as I say this. He meets my fist with his own, still keeping the other hand on his hand for protection.

“Well since we can’t check out the place tonight, now what?” I ask. It turns out, what was next was some board games to pass the time and me finishing the night packing up some of my clothes into a bag before taking some more of that magic medication. It works it’s wonders and I’m out like a light again.

Hopefully tomorrow can be a better day.

5 Moving Out

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Wake up, feel sick, drink water, brush teeth, and head downstairs. It’s my routine now apparently but, today something is different. Yes today is the day I get to see my ‘new’ home with Twi, Spike, and any of the elements crew that isn’t busy this morning. We’re going to need all the help we can get cause this home I’ve been gifted is, as you say, abandoned. Twi later in the night showed me a part of the letter that stated the last time it had residents living within was around a year and a half ago, its location being undesirable for ponies afraid of the Everfree. I however, don’t care if it’s near or even in the forest, I’m just grateful for having my own place now!

I left some of my clothes packed upstairs as there’s likely work to be done at the home before I can comfortably move in. I grabbed my most worn clothes for the task ahead and met with my current roommates in the library. Spike and Twilight greet me as I enter the room, it’s sometime around 10am, a little too early for my taste.

“You look groggy, I could make you some coffee if you’d like?”

“No thanks Twi, I don’t really like coffee” I wave off her suggestion, sitting atop the checkin desk.“So what’s the deal gang? We heading straight over there or?” My face tired but, the added curiosity and excitement is pushing me along.

“Well I thought ahead! I managed to get a hold of Rainbow this morning before you woke up and had her scout out the place. You’ll love to hear this, Fluttershy is your neighbor! Well sort of, your homes are a small walk away from each other but she’s the closest to you!” Twilight says with a smile, her tail swooshing back and forth.

heh, she’s like a dog

“That’s nice, she always seemed like a nice gal. Probably a great pony to be my neighbor” I feel optimistic about the whole situation now, Fluttershy definitely doesn’t come off as being a tough pony to live around that’s for sure. To be honest I think at times I’ll probably forget she’s even there given how shy she is.

Spike smiles a bit, turning to me saying, “Hope you like animals though, Fluttershy loves to help animals out. Even bears...” His obvious attempt to worry me doesn’t work. Okay I’m lying, I’m terrified of bears, those things are built to destroy and even if this joyful ass world seems to defy all logic I’m not taking my chances.

“Why does she mess with bears?!? Isn’t that dangerous? I think it’s dangerous, she should-“ I continue to rant in the background as Twi turns over to Spike.

“He knows that Fluttershy can talk to animals right? He’s in no danger”

“Eh, some things are better left unsaid” He shrugs. Twi giggles at this yet she still feels obligated to tell me about Fluttershy’s unique ability.

“Joey?”

“-even 7 to 8 foot when... huh?” I stop my rant realizing the situation. “Sorry”

Twilight flips her hoof to me showing that it was no problem, “Your going to be fine, Fluttershy can speak to animals, all animals” I stare at her waiting for more. “...even bears” I sigh in relief as the other two facepalm themselves.

“So is Rainbow helping us?” I ask changing the subject.

“Yep! She has today off from the weather factory and Fluttershy agreed to come help as well later”

“That’s great, we got a whole crew!” Some good news for once. “So what are we waiting for?”

“Rainbow is checking out the inside now and is going to come back here once she’s done, we’re going to use a checklist she makes on things we need to spiffy the place up”

“Cool” I give a thumbs up as we stand around for a bit, giving idle chit chat. After a handful of minutes Dash, without knocking, barges into the room looking quite dusty.

“Jeez, what happened to you tomb raider?” My use of an Earth reference goes straight over everyponys head.

“Tomb raider? Well I might as well be whatever you called me cause your place is a fucking tomb. Did I use the word right?” My face remains in awe for a moment at such profanity leaving a ponies mouth. Then as quickly as my surprise fades, it’s filled with pride.

I turn to Twilight and Spike, there expressions still in shock, “I *sniff* I raised that mare” I pretend to wipe away tears from my eyes with my hoodie sleeve. I look back to Rainbow holding up my hand for a high five, “Fuck yeah you did!” She meets hand with hoof. This is truly a wonderful step for mankind in Equestria.

I should mention that while I use cuss words with large leeway around these ponies, they can usually make a assumption and figure out what they mean but for the word fuck I had to do some teaching. My use of the word or really the way all humans use it is really in any place, fuck this or that fucking rules or like I said yesterday, you fuck? Twilight, Spike and most of the others found my constant use of the word embarrassing at first after I explained its meaning, after awhile though they seemed to just ignore it. Rainbow however is turning into my prodigy at this rate, picking up a lot of the slang and actions I preform that are otherwise foreign to ponies. Anyways that’s enough lore on swear words in Equestrian, let’s get back to the story.

“Awesome!” She uppercuts the air twirling.

“But! I wouldn’t use that word often, just use it around me okay? You know what it means and all so go easy”

She gives her best ‘okay dad’ look while slowly gliding back to the floor. “Here’s what we need Twi” Dash holds out the checklist to Twilight, it’s grabbed by her magic.

“*ahem* Window cleaner, several dusters, mop bucket with essentials, carpet cleaner, several brooms, drain-“ She continued to read off the list while I made my own replica of its contents. After she finished reading the list we split into groups to go purchase our tools.

“Rainbow and Joey go look for all of the soap and cleaner related items while me and Spike will get the stuff like brooms and mops”

“Aye aye captain” I give my best salute while following Dash outside, she’s my guide as I have no idea where to find any of this stuff.

We head off toward a side of Ponyville I had never been to before, it’s streets eventually became wider into a large opening. As we got closer I was able to realize where we were, it’s a market! Within a large square area surrounded by several shops, there were market stands around the middle section of the space in various locations, the organization was sloppy. With this market unfortunately came a larger crowd of ponies, larger than I’d ever seen. As we walked through I was met with several stares however, the busy market place allowed for me to somewhat blend in unlike normal. I wonder why my appearance hasn’t drawn more attention only to notice various species haggling around me, my own strange appearance seemingly more regular in these conditions. One species that really stood out to me was speaking with a shop keeper, it’s body that of a lion with the head and wings of an eagle. It stood quite tall unlike most creatures within the market, its height being close to my own, somewhere around 5’6, with a burly frame as well.

“Holy shit, Dash” I tap her on her side to get her attention. “What’s the fuck is that?”

She looks to where I’m pointing only to laugh at my confusion, “Ha, that’s just a griffin, they live across the Celestial sea. They’re not that common to see around here but, I wouldn’t bother them. They can be hard headed”

“Well look at you showing your nerdy size, how’d you learn about Griffin behavior?”

She sticks her tongue out at me, “Hey screw your big guy, I just happened to know a griffin once, we used to be friends” The mentioning of her old friend seems to lower her spirit some so I decide to take matters into my own hands.

“If that griffin couldn’t make things work between you two, then they probably didn’t deserve your company, plus you got me now if you need some muscle” I jokingly flex my arm.

She chuckles, “Yea right, you couldn’t hurt a fly” following her quote up with a shove to my arm.

“Dash if you hit me again I swear to god” I warn with no real seriousness behind it.

“Hey look! Here the place” She points and flys toward the shop. I glance up at the lettering above to read the sign, ‘Squeaky Clean’s Cleaning Supplies and Equipment’. That’s a corny ass name.

I follow Dash into the store having to duck a little to enter inside. The cashier waved to me excitedly before asking me a barrage of questions. “Easy buddy, I’m a little busy today so I’ll give you a quick rundown, I’m a human, hue-man, and my names Joey. I might have to come back here sometime in the future to get supplies for my house so save your questions for then”

My impatient reaction seems to make the stallion uncomfortable who as I inspect closer is likely the owner of the store, his ass tattoo being a bucket of soapy water with a sponge. “Sorry Mr. Hew-man, I didn’t mean to overwhelm you, it’s just I’ve never seen anypony like you” He holds out his hoof, “Let’s try this again, nice to meet you, I’m Squeaky Clean” The pony carried a teal coat with a blonde mane, a very strange contrast and slightly painful on the eyes under bright lighting.

I shake his hoof smirking, “Nice to meet you, I’m sure you can tell I’m not from around here but that’s a story for another time, I outta go help my friend”

“Take your time, we have everything you need for cleaning home interior!” He shouts as I walk deeper into the store.

Thankfully its quite empty, the marketplace likely a tourist attraction more than a general market for the town making a cleaning store like this unusual to find tourist, tourism is probably where they make most of the towns money. My height makes it easy to spot Rainbow near the back, her focus on two different types of floor wax. “Do you think we should get the one with extra protection or the shiner coat? Actually it’s your place Joey, you pick”

“Hmm, I like the extra protection one. What are the floors like inside?”

“The ground floor is all wood however, there’s a small attic you can get into from the closet at the end of the hall but, wait yea that’s wood too never mind” Her face turns a little red.

“I like wood floors, that sounds nice! Just one floor and an attic? Nothing else to worry about?” I want her to tell me there’s more to the home but I can’t complain with a free place.

“Nah that’s it. It’s not small though, it’s honestly like Fluttershys home, just.. not as large. I mean it’s a really nice place and I’m sure it’ll be even better once we clean her up!” She says with a smile yet uncertainty is written across her brow.

“Your worrying me Dash, just... let’s get what we need and get back with the others”

“Sounds good bro, now we need -“ Me and Dash go through the shop for a few minutes going through our section of the list getting not just supplies for cleaning the place now but extra for when I’m moved in. We check out and start our walk toward my new place, getting away from the crowded market. I take a sigh of relief that it’s over and continue on, originally tired from all the activity but the giddiness of seeing the home for the first time rejuvenates me.

“You really don’t like being around lots of ponies huh?” She must have noticed me tensing up back there.

“No, not at all. I actually don’t really like being around even one pers- pony that much either” Rainbows ears go against her head.

“Oh...” her stature deflates.

“I like being around you girls though, and Spike. I don’t know why but, it’s different. Plus your a really good friend Rainbow, your lots of fun and you get my jokes” Saying this out loud is slightly embarrassing for me, talking all sappy makes my face heat up a bit.

Rainbows ears peek back up along with her figure, “Of course I-... I mean *ahem*” She looks away with a blush. “Thanks Joey, that’s pretty cool you think that”

I sometimes forget that Rainbow is still a mare given her cocky boyish attitude but moments like this remind me. “No problem RD” We both cringe at the on the spot nickname. “I don’t like that one”

“Heh, yea that sucked” We share a laugh.

“How about Dashie?” I say trying to hold back my laughter.

“How about no, that’s really embarrassing”

“My little dashie washie” I say in the same tone you’d use with a pet. Dash punches my arm rightfully so and we continue walking toward my new place. After several minutes of walking, Dash flys up a little higher in order to see over the ridge ahead of me, the dirt road I walk on an uphill climb.

“There it is! In allll it’s glory!” She says the last part with a snicker. I can’t help but feel like she’s being sarcastic. After a few more steps I’m able to just see over the hill, taking in the view of my new residence. Just like Fluttershy’s home, it’s more of a cottage than a regular Ponyville home. The roof made of some straw with overgrown moss over the entire top showing just bits of the straw near the edges, leaking over the sides. A brick chimney stood tall toward the left side, sticking out the roof, the home in general a shade of pale peach (search the color up for better idea). Along the long rectangular home, there was one circle window, left of the center entrance, the door a light colored wood, maybe birch? The most interesting thing to me was the porch that led to the main entrance, the only approach coming at it from the right otherwise having to leap over a metal picket railing. It’s not exactly the largest home however, it’s now mine and it was free so why complain.

Dash stares in anticipation to my reaction, a large smile across her face. Surely she doesn’t think this home is that bad? “I think it looks nice Dash, we should look inside”

“I couldn’t agree more!” Her excitement foreshadowing the increased likelihood of a disaster waiting inside. She zips over to the front door standing on two hooves, holding it open for me while bowing, “Chambers built for only a king”

I ignore her act and mess her hair up with my off hand while walking inside. To say the inside looked similar to Shelob’s cave would be a pretty good comparison, the corners covered in massive cobwebs. A thin layer of dust coated the entire interior with blankets covering various furnitures left behind. Another disgusting treat would be the random assortment of dead animals, some birds and a few mice.

When walking into the entrance the first thing one is greeted to is a large open living room lighted by the window from the front and a glass sliding door facing out back toward the Everfree. The walls formerly light green were chipped heavily in certain spots with a chocolate trim along the ceiling and floor, likely the nicest feature of the inside. While the living room covered both ends of the home when looking straight forward, it did not reach both ends of the home when facing left and right of the entrance. The left hallway lead to a single bedroom with an opposing bathroom on the other side, while the right side of the home was a small kitchen separated by countertops. You could see easily into the living room and vice versa at my height however this didn’t cover the entire right side as a short hallway led to a string hanging from the ceiling for a pull down ladder into the attic, left of this another bedroom, and finally the last door was at the end of the hall, it was a closet.

“Well *cough* beside all of the dust, dead animals, *cough* dirty windows, and rough paint job I’d say this is great” I wave my hand in front of my face battling against the spiderwebs and floating dust. “Dash *cough* open every window you can find please god”

As we attempt to filter out the dirty air, I notice Spike and Twilight heading up the road from Fluttershy’s home. When looking closer I realize Fluttershy is with them as well, just slightly behind them in pace, and position. Always scared that pony.

I stick my upper half out the front window, “Hey your just in time, we need reinforcements in here!” I yell out to them waving my arm in a, come hither motion.

“Sorry! We decided to go check on Fluttershy to see if she’s ready to go first!” They hustle toward the front door walking into the battle ground. Fluttershy notices the dead animals instantly as she walks in turning blue in the face, shrieking before passing out.

“EEK!” Her eyes roll back as she falls onto her back out cold. I jump up rushing over to pick her up as I’m kneeling down.

“Holy shit! What happened!” My eyes frantically pace from face to face. That’s when I notice that I’m the only one freaking out drawing a confused look from me. “What are you guys doing? She just passed out, she could be having a stroke or something I don’t know? Why are you all so calm?”

Twilights the first to speak up, “She’s okay Joey, she passes out of fright all the time, as long as she didn’t bump her head she’ll be okay” Spike nods in agreement.

“Yea.. she’s been like this since as long as I can remember, even filly school. She always come to right away” Dash says walking over to my side.

I look back to the yellow Pegasus to see her stirring awake, her first sight my goofy ass leaning over her. “You alright? You just passed out”

Her face turns a bright crimson, embarrassed of the situation she finds herself in. She nods slowly while covering her face with her hooves. The others start to gather up the equipment that was brought in, starting on cleaning tasks within the home. I can still feel my heart beat as the initial adrenaline rush remains, “Jesus Shy, you really scared me there. Do you know why you passed out?”

She answers while peeking just above her now lowered hooves exposing the top half of her face. “D-dead .. e-everywhere, I... overwhelmed” Her words remind me about what Twilight said about her earlier, she’s really into animals.

“Here I’ll get you some water and take care of the birds and stuff left inside for you. I’ll tell you when you can come in” I say this while picking her up baby style and carrying her over to the one couch that we uncovered earlier. “Sorry it’s a little dusty, I’ll be right back”

“... s’okay” She barely says above a whisper, her face still bright red. I walk over to Dash’s bag knowing she carries a water bottle with her at all times, taking it over to Fluttershy and handing it to her. “T-thanks Joey, I’m r-really sorry for m-making you worry”

“Your fine Shy, I know how much you want to help so just collect yourself for a bit and we can tackle this house together. How’s that sound?”

She looks to me smiling, “Great” Her answer as close to shout as I’ve heard from her. I smile back before taking care of the dead animals around the house, the little miscreants mainly in the living room. Dash is making use of her wings dusting off the highest points in the room while Twilight is removing the covers to all of the furniture with her magic, folding the tarps and placing them in a pile near the attic entrance. Spike can be found setting up the fireplace using his own breath to light a fire. I go over and give Shy the all clear before heading over to grab some painting tape.

We work at the interior for some time, the day starting to transition into night as we decide to call it quits. I find myself sitting in an old wooden rocking chair while the others sit on couches, all of us surrounding the fireplace.

“Thanks for today, really all of you. I couldn’t have done this alone” I raise a glass of water as I say this. “Cheers to new friends” I smile, the day generally nice for once with little stress beside the fainting incident.

“Your face earlier was priceless, you really thought Fluttershy was dying or something” Dash jokes.

“Well how am I supposed to know it happens so often? Where I’m from that shit is really rare and dangerous”

Twilight raises a hoof in question, “Joey? Do you mind telling us a story from Earth? Something that can teach us a little about your past? You don’t have to if you don’t wanna”

“Hmm” I struggle with her request. I don’t want to ruin a good moment we got here with me being a party pooper so I oblige. “No it’s fine to be curious, just give me a second to think of something” I put my hand to my facial hair, it’s length making it somewhere between stubble and beard. “I got one, it’s funny too! Alright so one time me and a few buddies of mine at the time were hungry right? So we got on our bikes to head toward a local pizza joint-“

“You have pizza where your from?” Dash asked inquisitively.

“You know what pizza is? Oh I know what the next meal you owe me is gonna be” She shakes her head as I get back to my story. “Anyway, so we are bike riding cause we are young at this point, probably 14?”

“Why does your age matter for a bike?” Twilight now asks a question.

“Heh, it doesn’t, driving a car does though” My mentioning of car draws looks of confusion out of all of them. I chuckle, “A car is a vehicle used for transportation, it has four wheels and is super heavy, like 3000 to 4000 pounds. They also drive incredibly fast on paved roads, sometimes reaching above 200 miles per hour”

“Pfft, that’s nothing! Have you ever seen me do a rainboom?” Dash proudly remarks standing up. “I can go fast enough to break the sound barrier! Twilight told me that”

“First, that’s insane. Second, of course Twilight told you that, you think I thought you knew what the sound barrier even is?” She scowls at me before sitting back down into her seat. “So now that you know that, we are almost there when my one friend says to the other ‘I’ll race you the rest of the way’ and speeds past him making him chase after. I stayed back watching from a distance however, a car was getting ready to pull out onto the road ahead and it wasn’t looking our way” I start to chuckle unable to hold back my laughter at the upcoming part.

“So my friend who suggested racing is leading but, just as he is passing the car it pulls out and swipes him clean off the bike! It wasn’t fast enough to hurt him but he did fall, and the first thing he does when he gets up is he grabs his butt saying ‘my ass’!” Twilight smiles a little, while Dash and Spike laugh with me however, Fluttershy seems shocked by my manor of joking.

“Wasn’t he hurt?”

“He was fine Shy, just like you passing out earlier but he was never in any danger... well beside his pride... and his ass” I chuckle some more with the others as Fluttershy seems to somewhat get my point.

“Well it’s getting late, we better head back and you can bring your stuff over tomorrow for moving out” Twi says with a small smile, her face still showing that she’s troubled with my future departure.

“Yea, thanks to all of you guys again. I gotta use the restroom real quick and I’ll catch up”

“Thank you Joey for earlier, you don’t have to worry about me that much” Her gaze at the floor facing away from me. So adorable.

“What good friend wouldn’t worry? Have a nice night Shy, I’m glad to be your new neighbor. Too bad our homes aren’t that close otherwise who’s gonna help you next time you pass out?”

She giggles, “I don’t pass out that much, it’s just.. I was caught off guard”

“Whatever you say” I smile while waving her off and go use the restroom. When I come out I notice Dash still there at the door leading outside turning to face me as I approach.

“Hey I... I know your uncomfortable with talking about yourself but, are you okay with living alone like this?” She asks while twirling her hoof into the ground, not meeting my gaze.

Her question catches me off guard, especially from Dash. It makes sense though as she is the closest friend I got currently, she’s just worried about me. I’m dismissive, “Look I used to live alone anyway before I came here, I’ll be fin-“

“Be honest Joe”

Her serious tone makes me reconsider. “I.. I’m not” I pause thinking of the right words to say how I feel. “Twilight and Spike are wonderful roommates, so wonderful that I actually like their company but, I shouldn’t be around the library that much plus this collar has issues I haven’t told you” I need to come clean.

“Listen, when I tell you this you can’t tell anypony, the only ones who know are Twilight and Pinkie” My face displays the seriousness of the subject matter. Dash meets my eyes.

“I won’t say a word bro” Her use of bro in this moment makes me smile for a moment.

“Your a goofball. Anyway this collar isn’t to protect me” She looks in confusion.

“So why wear it?”

“Because apparently I’m dangerous. I’m leaking dangerous magic that harms ponies that aren’t either one of the princesses or one of the elements. I can cause depression and other terrible things that are out of my control but, if I don’t take the collar off every so often it builds up and I can’t control myself from having a panic attack or at least that’s what I think happens”

Her face shows empathy now knowing what her friend is going through, her inability to help causing visible pain. “Fuck dude, that’s... that’s terrible”

“Yea, so if I were to answer your question... I’m okay but I’m not okay at the same time. It’s pretty fucked up” Dash takes the news heavily, ears pinned against her head as she doesn’t know what to say. “Don’t worry, Twilight is going to figure out how to cure me. Then everything will be peachy and I can take this sexual ass collar off”

My attempt at lifting her spirit works somewhat, “I’ll miss seeing you wear it though” She jokes back with a wry smile.

“Okay pervert, I better get going now if I want to catch up to the others. Remember to not tell ANYONE about my issue and don’t be afraid to come over whenever I get this place done” I wave her off.

“I know, I know...see ya Joey. Be careful” She flys off turning her head to look at me saying, “Your going to put a poster of me as a wonderbolt in your room once I get on the team!” She yells leaving behind a rainbow trail.

Unlikely, also the trail she leaves is flamingly gay.

I run to catch up to the others, my unexpected talk with Dash really put me behind. After a minute or two of running I finally catch up and the three of us walk back together.

Spike hurries upstairs having to use the restroom. It’s just me and Twi as we work together to light up the home. I’m sure she could just light all the candles at once but I gotta feel useful sometimes right?

“Joey I just wanted to say... I’m really sorry for the whole collar thing” She looks to me clearly affected by her brought up issue, her features uncomfortable and sad.

“Twi it’s fi-“ She interrupts

“No... no it’s not” She stomps her hoof. “I.. I really messed up this time and it hurt somepony. Life isn’t just some game or practice and I didn’t take the steps necessary to avoid all of this. The reason Celestia gave you that home on the outskirts was so you could avoid hurting anypony when you take off your collar. She thought it would be best we isolate you but, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to meet other ponies!” As she goes on I can hear her losing composure with each sentence.

“I don’t want my mistake to take away from your ability to make friends, and I don’t want you to feel like an outcast. I’m sorry I just...I” She struggles to finish her thought, tears brimming in her eyes as she fights against her urge to break down. I walk over to her quickly wrapping her in a hug.

“Hey hey hey, look it’s okay... I promise. I never was one to have lots of friends or be social anyway so I don’t think what happened will really change anything from what is was before” I’m not lying when I say that, it’s truthful that my life wouldn’t be much different with or without the collar however, it is shameful wearing it and I can’t help but feel like an outcast. Also I don’t disagree with Celestia’s idea, I really should minimize my contact with unprotected ponies for safety, I’m a danger.

The crying pony in my arms manages to draw me back from my thoughts as she wraps her own hooves around my torso. “I’m *sob* s-s-sorry *sob* p-please forgive m-me” The pain in her voice breaks my heart, I hug her tighter. I almost feel like crying myself, this really has all been unfair for me. I’m lost, alone, sick, I don’t belong and I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. I wasn’t a bad person ever, hell I’d say I was pretty nice and even somewhat of a pushover. I push the urge to cry deep inside myself, walling my emotions in for the moment.

After some time I pick the pony up and bring her to her bedroom, laying her on the bed. Spike caught the end of our conversation and stayed back, going toward his own room to give us privacy. He nodded to me in understanding as I walked past him carrying Twilight. Before I can pull away though, she grabs at my shirt with her hoof, it’s flat surface somehow griping on.

“D-Don’t leave... please” She looks at me with desperation.

I follow her demand sitting up on the bed with my back against the bed frame. Twilight lays against me, her body cuddled into me in a hug. My arm remained wrapped around her side with my hand scratching her head. We lay there quietly for a minute or two, then Twi breaks the silence. “You don’t hate me right? I’ve been a terrible friend...I deserve some... some sort of punishment”

“Shhh, that’s nonsense. You’d shouldn’t talk like that, it’s not good for you and you’ll never get anywhere if you make up problems that don’t exist... you know I don’t hate you” She makes a small whine noise, scooting closer into me. Twilights lavender smell is incredibly strong at this point almost overflowing my senses, her, the bedsheets, and the shampoo we both use is just a little too much... Twi. I put up with it though as the situation I find myself in is rather comfortable, her warmth and the cushion of the bed make a wonderful combo, the mattress better than anything I’ve ever slept on.

“Your mattress kicks ass” I whisper. She smirks but her ears stay flat against her head. She closes her eyes, trying to enjoy the moment, I must be pretty warm to these ponies given how much they try to cuddle me. “You’ll come visit us right?” She says with a yawn.

“Of course silly, your the only pony that has books. How else am I supposed to read my favorite series?” I sarcastically remark.

“That’s not funny” Her words seem to struggle to get out, sleep taking her soon.

“Your also my favorite color so that helps too” She opens the one eye that’s not pressed against me, giving me a death glare. “Okay okay... you care a lot about me fitting in and I appreciate it even if you make mistakes sometimes. Not many people used to show that level of compassion for others where I’m from so even if it doesn’t feel special to you, it means a lot to me”

She smiles and relaxes against me, “Yep, and now you have to be my pillow tonight cause I won’t get this opportunity again”

“You might one day, if you play your cards right” My suggestive joke seems to go right over her head as she’s barely awake now. I shut up and let the sleepy pony rest, closing my eyes as well. This is really nice, I wonder if ponies sleep together regularly... actually is the term sleep together even meant sexually here?

About 30 mins go by before I realize I forgot to take that medication, if my apparent awareness didn’t already give that away. The pony laying into me makes me unable to move, it’s not the worst situation to be in honestly. Deep inside me this is rather soothing, it’s almost healing to previous damages done to my heart from failed relationships. Although Twilight isn’t a lover or anything, it just feels like I’m not as empty, I feel... love. It’s a forgotten feeling, being loved that is, almost foreign but I can still recognize it. I’ve missed this.

My head remains active for what feels like hours, memories of my past coming and going, some good some bad, well mostly bad. Finally I find myself where I always do, wishing things worked out and that life was easier. It hurts my heart, making me feel ill as a tear runs down my face. My last relationship I tried so hard, I had done everything to make things work but in the end I knew it wasn’t going to work out and it wasn’t good for me. Now I’m afraid of trusting anyone that close again, her failure to hold her promises hurt me terribly so.

I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want to hurt

My eyes start to spill even more fresh tears but I don’t dare make a sound, if Twilight saw me like this I’d fucking kill myself. The embarrassment would be too much, and the pity? I already hate myself for being so insecure, I don’t need the others to know how pathetic I am. I wipe my face with my other arm and try to focus on my breathing, slow long inhales and exhales. I fall asleep unknowingly.

It’s morning, I’m incredibly comfortable unlike normal though. My sickness still present but something warm is wrapped around my side, it’s a little too much, making me sweat. I open an eye to see the purple nerd still wrapped on tight making sure I’m not going anywhere. Apparently sometime during the night, she pulled me under the covers as well. The combination of pjs and Twi makes me very hot, this ain’t the main issue as the real problem is downstairs. My conditions have bred a rock hard shaft, already sweaty, I feel awfully hot and bothered. I need to get up or do something, this ain’t it chief!

As I try to pull away Twi hugs me tighter, her grip much stronger than I anticipated. Stupid strong ass ponies! She stirs awake but still not aware of her surroundings.

“Twilight, can you let me go? I gotta pee” I lie.

“*grumble* hold it for little bit” She selfishly continues to hold on. My voice wasn’t desperate enough, maybe I should’ve taken up acting or something in the past, who knew It actually had use! Twilight rubs her face into my chest and lower chin. Her proximity makes me very uncomfortable, her face only a few inches from mine. I can feel her warm breath from her nose on my neck. It doesn’t help little Joey one bit, he stands tall, painfully attentive.

“T-twi... I-I I’m really u-uncomfortable right now” My face is beat red as I look away for an exit.

Twilight lifts her head pushing off me to observe the situation, she looks to my face first, then to herself. A blush makes it’s way across her face as she sits up. “Sorry! I didn’t realize how close I was”

I quickly get out of the bed in a strange fashion in order to hid the tent in my pants walking toward the door, “It’s fine Twi! Gotta pee is all!” I rush to my room for a spare set of clothes and take a shower... a cold shower, my body reeks of sweat. After cleaning up, I step out of the bathroom and almost run into Twilight.

“Sorry I didn’t see you” I move out of her way.

“It’s okay, I was just waiting to use the shower” She walks into the bathroom, her mane frizzled and unkept. I’d never woken up early enough to see her like this before, it’s kind of cute.

I go back into my room and pack up all of my clothing and things that were carried over with me. I was wearing my backpack when I was brought here, it’s contents were mainly school books and folders however, my phone was in there as well. It’s battery dead now and the service here was of course nonexistent so it’s purpose was really nothing at this point beside the few songs I had downloaded on there. Music wasn’t something I really cared about that much anyway so my phone is pretty much collecting dust at this point.

I look at the clock and see it’s 10 am, rather early for this bird. I leave my stuff packed in my room and head downstairs, it’s dead silent. Spike isn’t up yet, it must be the weekend. I go outside for a moment to check the mailbox, probably the last time I’ll ever get mail for Twilight so why not. It’s the newspaper and a few bills that are labeled with Twilights name, nothing sticks out. I get a glass of water and leave the newspaper on the table, Twilight walks into the room with her hair in a towel, her fur still damp from the shower.

I chuckle, “I’ve never seen you like this before, guess what they say about never meet your hero’s really has meaning”

She sticks her tongue out at me and sits down to read the paper. I grab the ingredients to make pancakes cause It’s one of the few things I know how to make. “Don’t worry I can make breakfast” I here a shriek behind me causing me to jump.

“Sweet Jesus Twilight what the hell?!”

“Joey... you need to read this” Her face covered in worry. My heart sinks, what could possibly make her react like that? I walk over grabbing the paper from her hand, reading the headline.

‘Foreign Stallion found dead! First pony suicide in over 8 years’

My body fills with chills as I look to the image, it’s the same unicorn I met with Dash.

6 Downhill

View Online

I continue to scan across the article, my body feels cold. ‘Traveling prance ice cream salesman was found dead of an overdose within Ponyville motel-‘ I stop reading, putting the paper down. My look down to my shaking hand.

I... killed him?

I feel a touch against my shoulder, I look to the perpetrator. It’s Twilight giving me a concerned look, “Joey, it couldn’t have been you alright. You would have needed to be around him for days to cause anything like this. Remember it’s a constant outward flow of your magic not something that sticks!” I brush away her hoof.

“Twilight I touched that ponies magic, I probably made him sick! I fucking killed him...” I sink to the floor with my head in my hands. “I’m a murderer, I knew better then to not wear the stupid collar but I was too selfish about being uncomfortable” My voice is barely above a whisper.

“Joey stop it! You didn’t cause this!”

“Then why did you show me that article huh? Why do you look so worried?” She looks away.

“I didn’t want you to see it later and think it was your fault, It isn’t Joey I swear”

Although Twilight gives me her word, I can’t help but feel like she’s lying to protect me. “I think I’m going to be sick” I stumble away to the bathroom barley able to keep my balance, throwing up anything that was residing in my stomach.

“Jeez Joey are you okay?” Its Spike.

“Yeah... just feel a little sick” I say while laying next to the toilet. Twilight rushes over to the two of us.

“Spike I think you should go to Rarity’s today” She shoos him off away from the bathroom door.

“What why? Wait- hey! What gives!” Spike argues while being shoved outside by Twilight.

“I’ll tell you later Spike just please go to Rarity’s”

He looks suspiciously at Twilight. “Alright but I expect you to tell me what’s wrong later”

“I promise now hurry up” The dragon gives a grumpy look while walking away. Twilight hurries back inside to see me washing out my mouth and brushing my teeth.

“Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?” Her worry is plastered across her body, her mane frizzled and wet from removing her towel.

I can’t possibly worry this pony anymore than I have already, I need to collect myself. “Can we just forget what we saw and move on with today, I can’t think about this shit right now” I can’t possibly look Twilight in the eyes right now, guilt tearing at my very being.

“Okay but I just want you to know you didn’t have anything to do with it” I ignore what she says heading to my room to grab my clothes.

We had planned for this to be my moving out day, I gather all my clothing and belongings with me in a suitcase as I head downstairs. Twilight still visibly worried about me, watches me walk past her, she fiddles with her hooves uncertain what to do. She looks to me as if I were a bomb waiting to go off at any moment, cautious of her next move. I walk downstairs into the library leaving my stuff near the entrance.

“Joey, Pinkie planned a moving out party for you today, it was supposed to be a surprise. If your not feeling well enough I cou-“

“No that’s fine Twi, I’d like a distraction” I turn to face her giving a small smile, my eyes failing to convey the same feeling.

I’m dying inside, the sickness that comes with my own self disgust is eating away at me. My head is filled with self deprecation, things I hate most about me currently.

Complain, fuck up, and make everything worse for all these ponies... and now to top it all off, I go and get somepony killed

Twilights concern seems to grow with the front I put on, “Joey look, it’s okay if your-“

I interrupt her again, “I’m fine Twilight, your right. It couldn’t have been my fault” Her frown remains but this seems to be enough to get her off my back for now. “So when’s the party? Should I leave and come back?”

“Well, it’s supposed to be in your new place, I was going to distract you for the day while everypony gets the party ready. Pinkie made sure not to invite too many ponies, it’s the girls, Spike, and the princesses if they have time”

“That’s fine”

The Princesses... Im not that important but I selfishly want to meet Luna in person. Her presence in my dream brought up so many more questions than answers.

“So... is there anything you want to do?” Twilight asks nervously, still worried about my mental health. She must know how hard I am on myself.

“Honestly I’m really tired Twilight... I wouldn’t mind just laying around or something. If.. if that’s okay with you”

“That’s fine Joey, how about we just go back to my room and I let you relax on my bed. It’s much better than the one you have in the guest room”

“You don’t have to give me company Twi, I really don’t want you to waste your day off doing nothing. Also I can sleep in the guest room it’s fi-“ Looking away as I say this before I’m interrupted.

“No, your using my bed. Your all stressed out and, I’d like to spend time with you even if we do nothing. Your my friend, you being you is enough” She gives me a reassuring smile.

I blush, “ok..”

We head upstairs into Twilights room as I fall face first into her bed. She giggles at my landing leaping up next to me while pulling a book from her private bookshelf on the wall. Reading glasses magically appear on to her face, just at the end of her nose. I really enjoy her purple eyes, there dark shade a favorite color of mine. Her facial features although horse like, still resemble somewhat of a human face, it’s extension from her head rather flat unlike a horse. Her face is kinda pretty now that I look at it and... crimson? I realize I’ve been caught staring at her.

“Sorry” I say, moving my face back to the mattress.

“Joey... if y-you’d like... um” I look back to Twi, her face still flushed as she stumbles over her words. “Y-You can lay y-your head in my lap...” Her gaze away from me. These ponies sure do like to cuddle.

I move myself over to the pony, laying my head between her back legs resting myself just below her. She has herself against the pillows on her bed frame with me laying in a straight line away from her, my head just below her own, my eyes closed. I trust her, she is good enough to me to know her intentions are pure. I lay there for a moment before I feel her hoof gently brush against my head, like Pinkies, it’s firm but soft to the touch. I sink into her hoof giving off a noise of my satisfaction, not sensual enough to be considered a moan. My body loosens up, along with my ability to stay silent.

“Your too nice to me Twilight” I can hear her put the book down next to me along with those reading glasses.

“I don’t think I’ve been a good enough friend to you honestly... it’s my fault everything has gone so wrong” Twi responds. My eyes remain shut.

“I told you it’s okay, I forgave you already”

“That doesn’t make it right, it doesn’t fix what I’ve done. I hurt you and I can’t ever fix the pain I’ve caused”

“That’s fine, you repay me everyday with trying your best”

“That’s not enough”

“It is to me, isn’t that all that matters?” There’s a silence following what I say, neither of us talk for a bit. Her hoof doesn’t stop working away at my head, helping distract me from my thoughts.

“Joey, why do you feel like you owe us girls?” Her voice so close is rather soothing, it’s tone sends shivers down my body.

“Because I’m a hassle, and you girls put up with me”

“That’s not true Joey, you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself”

“Neither should you purple” I feel her hot breath get near my ear.

“That’s a terrible nickname” She whispers right next to my head, her voice tickles my ear. I defend my ear with my hand.

“Stop that you bully” I say with a smile, my eyes now open looking up to the pony above me.

“Please, if I wanted to bully you I’d do something like... kissing you” She says with a blush.

My face reaches the same temperature as her own, “That’s sexual harassment, not bullying”

She giggles, “Isn’t harassment a type of bullying?”

I boop her nose, “Wouldn’t you know... bully”
We stay like this for a few seconds before my thoughts go back to earlier, a frown returning to me face. Twilight frowns with me, seeing my change of attitude.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t deserve to be happy” I look away to the balcony in her room, “I... I hate myself, and I can’t find a single redeeming thing about me” I feel myself start to get emotional and bite my lip.

Twilight continues to scratch my head. “It’s okay to cry Joey” Her words so careful feel like the final blow to the dam holding back my emotions. I fight back not wanting her to see me at my worst. “No matter what happens, whenever you feel like you’ve fallen apart, me and the girls will be here to pick up the pieces, I promise Joey”

All the recent stress finally becomes too much as I’m unable to bear it anymore. Tears run down my face and my lip begins to tremble. “I-I’m sorry” Twilight scoots down next to me and hugs my face into her chest. I let myself go, feeling slightly worse knowing I’m messing up her fur. She hums to herself while rubbing my back, easing me into sleep after some time.

Waking up I look around my surroundings to see that I’m still resting in Twilights chest, her fur all matted where my face was before, sorry about that Twi. I look up at her sleeping face, it rests peacefully with a small smile. She’s even cute when she’s asleep... wow that sounds creepy, trust me I’m not a weirdo.

I scratch her back in an attempt to rouse her looking back to the balcony, it’s still light outside, probably mid day. After a few more scratches Twi starts to stir, mumbling in her sleep.

“No... no I didn’t eat your cake Celestia I swear” I chuckle at the strangeness of her dream, maybe that’s happened before? She opens her eyes looking to mine with a blush at the situation.

“Morning love” Her eyes widen as her face reaches a level of red that I didn’t even know existed. I start to laugh booping her nose, “I’m kidding, that’s an expression humans use for close friends. I doesn’t mean what you think silly”

She calms down giving me a light frown, “That wasn’t funny” I smile before blowing a raspberry on her stomach. She panics at the sudden feeling squeezing my head with her legs.

“Ahh, Joey stop!” She laughs as I stop my assault spitting a few hairs out of my mouth. She looks at me still blushing, “Well nice to see you in a playful mood”

I lift myself up next to the pony grinning. “I still don’t feel like doing anything but I feel like I should pay you back for comforting this big baby”

She giggles, “Your not a baby, everypony has bad days”

“This ‘pony’ seems to have more than just bad days” I say pointing toward myself with my thumb. She doesn’t smile at my joke, rather grows a small frown. “Look I’ll cheer you up with a gift” I say with a wink.

She turns her head sideways in confusion. “What do you have in mind?”

I grin leaning in right next to her ear whispering, “I could rub you out” She blushes brightly pulling away. “What? I give great back massages! What were you thinking?” Grinning at her as I say this.

“You big perv! You said that all weird on purpose! I demand a proper massage, only then will I be willing to accept an apology” She turns her head up away from me all snooty.

“Yes ma’am!” I salute while getting to work on the ponies back. I’ve had a little practice giving massages with my last relationship but never on a pony. I work away at her back as best I can, my efforts seemingly paying off as she coos against my hands.

“Your hooves are wonderful. I bet you’d give the spa ponies a run for their business” Her face muffled into the bed.

I chuckle, “I’ll have to check up on that, maybe I could learn a thing or two for you girls”

“You too wonderful Joey, there’s no need for you to do that”

She moans a little as I work at her back, her slip up not really embarrassing but rather satisfying, knowing I’m successful with my efforts. The softness of her fur is wonderful, along with her squishy nerd body, she turns to dough in my hands. It’s somewhat fun working the kinks out of her back, also learning a little on pony anatomy on how her spine is shaped with the muscles in her back. It’s all new to me and entertaining for the moment. After a while she is barely awake, I settle for drawing shapes with her fur, its ability to somewhat hold shape allows for some fun.

The stillness breeds anxiety, my own head brewing up reasons to hate myself. Just like that I was back to before, I couldn’t have even an hour of peace. I lay down next to Twilight facing the ceiling, her one eye that’s visible looks to me with sadness. She lifts her head.

“Your still not feeling well?” She says this not with impatience but rather defeat. Im too much for this pony, she can’t possibly keep me distracted long enough to live happy.

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t waste your energy trying to make me happy” My eyes convey my feelings on the matter, lifeless without color.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if I have to travel across Equestria to undo what I’ve done” She stares at me with utmost attention.

“Stop, don’t say that!” I get up quickly. “You don’t have to fix it Twi I’m fine, just ignore my whining and understand that I’m okay. Trust me, I’ll be alright”

She looks to me in disbelief, “but.. that’s not fair, that’s not fair to you at all. I couldn’t consider myself a friend of I didn’t try something! Your suffering! I can see it!” She pleads with me.

I face away, “Just get me antidepressants or something... that’ll be enough”

“Those should be a last resort, they change the way you are Joey, and I want the real full you, the one calls me nerd, and jokes with Spike. The Joey that cares about everypony more than himself, I want to be the one who cares for you when you yourself don’t...can’t you see that?” Eyes brimming with tears.

“I’m not worth it” My head lowered in shame. A sudden pull faces me back to Twilight her hoof against my face.

Our faces are close, very close. I can feel her breath against my face, my nose almost brushing against her own. We stare into each others eyes for a moment, I feel us both closing the gap slowly. Our mouths almost touch before I move my head past her own to the side, pulling her into a hug. I’m not ready for something like that, I don’t think I ever will. Starting something the way I am now would be pulling someone into my own damnation, making them suffer with me.

“J-Joey I...” She starts, her voice cracking.

“Shhh, I know... but this is my problem to bare” She breaks down into me.

“Y-you idiot... y-you idiot!” She shouts between sobs, punching me as I hug her against me. A tear falls down my own face, I’m sorry Twilight. I let her cry until she falls asleep, I leave her there in her bed, exiting the home with my stuff still inside. I need some time alone.

I wander through Ponyville unable to notice my surroundings, a dark cloud seems to fog my senses everywhere I go. Suddenly I’m struck by something against my head, I stumble placing my hand on the spot I was hit. My ears are ringing, I look around for the cause seeing a large rock near my shoe. Pulling away my hand from my head to see it covered in blood, not a life threatening amount but enough to feel it leak down the side of my head.

“YA LIKE THAT VARMIT? I KNOW YA KILLED THAT PONY WIT YER VOODOO MAGIC. YUR LIKE THAT ZEBRA ARNT CHA?” The hick pony shouts, spit flying from his mouth as he shouts.

I lose it. I start to walk toward him my face distorted with anger. He reaches to grab another stone as I approach but as he lifts himself back up to throw it he underestimated my speed. I grab his hoof with my arm lifting him onto two feet, then swiftly hook into his gut. I let him fall to the ground curling into himself, gasping for air. I jump on top of him beating his face with my fists. My arms burn as I wail against his skull with everything I have before I’m shoved off by another pony.

“Easy! Your going to kill him! I know he’s an idiot but that was insane!” Some stallion with a black coat shouts at me.

Another steps in tending to the unconscious pony, it’s a mare, her features somewhat familiar to the hick I had just beaten “You were the reason that pony killed himself I bet, everything was okay round here til you showed up! It’s no coincidence”

Ponies gather around looking horrified at my art, the hick ponies face swollen and bruised, a small puddle of blood forming just below his face. I look at my own hands, there covered in his blood and some of my own, my skin split where I hit against his skull. I pick myself up and hurry back to Twilights. Ponies look to me with great fear, one mare hiding her children from me. They think I’m a monster, and it won’t be long before they all think I had something to do with that suicide.

I reach Twilights shutting the door and slumping down against it. My arms hug my legs against my body, I sit there shaking from adrenaline. Everything feels so fucked now, I don’t know what to do anymore. I give myself time to settle down. My face feels hot and sticky so I get up and head to the bathroom. I clean my wound in the sink and place a bandage around my head like a headband, Twilight is going to ask questions. Heading to the kitchen I have a glass of water and read more into that article.

‘Locals say he seemed to have high spirits in his first day in Ponyville but others say there were signs of something going on after a few days. The stallion Crème Glacée was 28 years old, and has family back in Prance, still not knowing of the news’

I stop reading wondering why the fuck did I start in the first place? Why do I torture myself so? Looking at his age I realize he’s rather young for a pony, there general lifespan around 100-110 years old, reaching maturity/consent at the age of 21. He would be somewhere around his early twenties in human age. I stole this ponies life....

I get up and head back to the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror. My hair is wild and unkept, a frown adorn my face surrounded by a scraggly beard, dark bags around my eyes and defeat ridden across my slumped form. I punch the mirror where my face resides cracking it, a chunk of glass falling into the sink.

You deserve pain for the suffering you’ve caused

I grab the shard in my hand, it’s sharpness immediately cuts my hand. I gasp for a second but move it toward my arm. I deserve this. Blood leaks from my hand onto my arm. Suddenly the glass disappears from my hand, its replaced by a glowing light, starting to heal my wound.

“What are you doing?!? And what happened to your head?!?” Twilight rushes to my side as I fall down to the ground sitting next to her. I stare at her unable to say anything, I look away. She continues to heal my hand and repairs the mirror as well. Then pushes me back to her room and onto her bed.

“Why did you hurt yourself?” She then looks to my head saying, “You did that as well didn’t you?”

I shake my head no. She comes and sits next to me hugging my side, her head resting on my shoulder. “Do I get an answer?”

“There was a pony who kept bothering me, I lost control” My voice monotone and tired.

“It’s okay Joey, I will fix everything alright? Just please stop and think about how I would feel if you got seriously hurt”

“You could just heal me”

She frowns, “I can’t heal all wounds Joey, just be careful... please” She moves to heal my head.

“Wait leave that!”

“Why?” Confused of my strange request.

“I want to remember that I fucked up, so next time I’m better” She smiles rubbing her head into my shoulder.

“You really are an idiot sometimes”

“I know”

“Why were you hurting yourself though?” I can’t give an answer.

“I won’t do it again, that’s all you need to know” Twilight doesn’t push the issue, settling for rubbing my back instead.

I tell Twilight more about the hick and what I’ve done and she responds with reassuring me that I need to give the town ponies time to settle down. I agree not only because she’s right but because I don’t want to see any of them for a while either. We pass the time talking and reading a book together, it’s one of Twilights favorites. Something about a pony named Starswirl the Bearded? I’m not sure if that was right but it’s his biography. I’m captivated by the absurdity of his tales, us reading long enough til it’s time to leave for my ‘surprise’ party. We head out the door, with my items in a suitcase and my backpack on. We head toward my new home. It’s late and few ponies are out, we’re able to get out of town without any issue. After a 5-10 minute walk we reach my new home on the outskirts of the Everfree, just out of town. The home is dark and quiet, but my knowledge of what’s to come fudges up that reality.

I step inside with Twi behind me, suddenly the house ignites with light, every candle and the fireplace lighting at once.

“SUPRISE!” The girls and Spike leap from the corners and behind the furniture to surprise me. I resist the urge to flinch even though I knew it was coming. A smile a spreads across my face. I can manage to keep a happy front for these ponies for night, they deserve the best me I can give. I pretend to act somewhat shocked looking to pick with disappointment.

“Pinkie you know I don’t like surprises” I cross my arms, staring her down. She giggles, bouncing over toward me only to jump into my chest forcing me to catch her. I hold her like a baby against me.

“Sorry Joey but I couldn’t help it! I had this big idea for how to surprise you and I wasn’t going to let it go to waste!” She finishes with a big dopy smile, her tongue sticking out the side. I smile back looking up to observe my surroundings.

Hanging from the ceiling are balloon letters spelling out ‘we will miss you’ and ‘moving day’. Streamers hang at random from the ceiling support beams along with several balloons of different colors, shapes, and sizes. The kitchen table although small in size carried a large cake taking up most of its space, it’s color white with blue frosting spelling out ‘nice home’. I chuckle at the mild compliment looking to a pile of wrapped gifts just behind everypony near the fireplace. When I say everypony I should clarify, it’s true to Twilights word of the girls and Spike, sadly no Princess. It doesn’t bother me though as I didn’t expect a ruler of the damn world to find time for some aliens birthday.

My stomachs starts to itch as I realize the pink pony in my grasp is tickling my side. “Pinkie easy!” I laugh for a bit before dropping the prankster to her hooves.

Looking back to the ponies around me I finally notice all the attention I’m getting, reaching my hand to my neck while looking away. “H-hey girls, thanks for.. well all this” Moving my hands to convey the party room, the house entirely cleaned up even more than the day before. They must have done some more interior work beforehand, how thoughtful.

“Ah shucks sugar, though me and you don’t know much bout each other, the other girls say you been quite the helper. Id reckon me and you will get along like two peas in a pod!” AJ tips her hat to me as she says this.

I smile back offering a handshake, “Yea, I’d like that. We should talk during the party about me helping out at your farm sometime”

She takes my hand shaking it firmly, her strength clearly more than mine as she nearly pulls my arm off my body. “That’d be great! Me n Big Mac could always use another hand” While I shake Aj’s hand, Fluttershy awkwardly scoots over looking off shyly as she speaks.

“S-since were n-neighbors now, d-don’t be afraid to a-ask for help sometimes... if you need to! Not saying that you would ever need help or anything I.. I just” I stop her with my hand.

“I get whatcha mean Shy, and the same goes both ways. I’m not going to have much to do now that Twilight doesn’t have her test subject around all the time, I’ll have to fill in my to do list with something” She smiles back to me nodding in agreement. Twi scowls across the room at me drawing a laugh from everypony.

Spike is next to walk over with Rarity in stride. “Don’t forget who your bro is too! I’ll come over whenever your bored alright”

“Do take care of the extra clothes I made you dear, I made sure to use a less colorful pallet this time” She giggles as I look down toward my bright pink hoodie, hey I didn’t choose the color.

Dash flys over to me rubbing my hair with her hoof, “And don’t forget who your cool best girl friend is!” It takes a moment for her to realize what she has said before she blushes. “I didn’t mean it like that!” Yelling angrily at the laughter from her slip up.

“Alright Dash we get it, you got the hots for me no need to yell it out loud. Just go take care of yourself in the bathroom and meet us when you’ve cooled off” She punches my shoulder staring at me with a death glare. The snort my joke draws from Twilight is enough to make it worth it. “Alright how about we break into that cake huh? It looks delicious!”

“Of course it does silly, I baked it just for this special occasion! A special occasion that only could use a special cake for a special pony!” Pinkie hops back and forth in the kitchen as I hand out plates, Twilight cutting the cake meanwhile.

“Pinkie you make me sound retarded” She giggles. Wow no denial.

Everypony grabs a slice and heads over to the living room talking with one another over the recent events in Ponyville or each other’s lives. Dash comes over to me as I sit there listening to Fluttershy talk about helping out her bear friend, sweat visibly leaking down my brow. “Hey” she whispers. I lean my head over to hear what she has to say.

“I heard about the fight that happened earlier, I’m not sure if the others have gotten wind of it but just know if that stallion messes with you again, just tell me and I’ll set him straight” Her voice carries an anger and threatening tone I didn’t think possible of a pony.

“Thanks Dash, I’ll make sure to do that but something tells me I won’t be seeing him again” We chuckle to each other, and I go back to sweating over Shy’s story.

The time passes as I enjoy a few glasses from a punch bowl Pinkie brought, it’s light kick telling me she spiked it, what a trouble maker. It’s somewhere around 8 o clock where we start to play some card games or tell funny stories of our past, AppleJack, who’s name I now know told an especially interesting story on how she beat Rainbow in their last “running of the leaves” competition. Apparently it’s some holiday celebrated in the fall in Equestria based on exactly what you’d think, the falling of the leaves. It’s not similar to Thanksgiving, that holiday not existing in this world, rather it’s like a field day of events.

Pinkie chimes up, “Time to open the gifts! Open mine first!” She leaps over to the pile bring me a package covered in Pink wrapping paper covered in cupcakes. The box is quite heavy and large relative to my own size, I’m unsure even how Pinkie got this here but it’s better not to ask questions. I open the package to reveal an assortment of pots and pans for cooking, something my new kitchen still required.

“Thanks Pinkie, this is a pretty clutch gift” I hold out my fist for a hoof bump only for Pinkie to squeeze me into a large hug. “Okay Pinkie, my lungs please” She pulls away sheepishly.

“Oops... sorry!” Rubbing her fluffy hair with her hoof, a big grin across her face.

“Alright who’s gift next?”

I continue to open each gift noticing a recurring pattern, each one being helpful with my new home. Fluttershy got me a tool to mow my lawn and other gardening equipment, I explained to her I had no idea how to take care of a garden so she volunteered to help me out one day. Rarity, like she had said earlier did in fact make me another set of clothes, it’s colors more consistent with blacks, grays, and whites. It’ll be nice not to walk around looking so flamboyant for a change. Twilight and Spike got me a bunch of books they knew I’d like based on the genres I would be caught reading, along with a small bookshelf I can put up in my room. Rainbow got me some gym equipment, things like weights, battle rope, and a yoga mat which I had to explain I’ve never done before. Well that’s a lie but it was in high school, she promised me she would teach me some positions another time. Lastly AppleJack got me my very own Stetson, she knew I would come help sometime and had one made with Rarity’s help for when I do.

I thank them all for their gifts, feeling blessed to have friends as good as these ponies. Somehow we end in a group hug, the whole situation bleeds sappy. The party goes back to talking about my new home and things that they spiffed up while I was gone, apparently the girls also got me a bed frame, mattress, and bedsheets for my room as well. I start to feel guilty, I couldn’t possibly pay them back for all of this. The energy I had from the party starts to fade. Not wanting to be a party pooper I head outside to the back porch and lean over the railing. The porch is just like the one out front however, there is no exit, my backyard stands below the home it’s location the top of a hill making my porch more of a balcony. I look out to the night sky observing it’s beautiful display, untouched by pollution or city lights that would otherwise ruin this experience. It’s slightly chilly outside, getting closer to winter as we go through the fall.

“This is peaceful” I say to no pony in particular.

“Indeed it is” I jump to the side in a defensive position, my one foot raised high and my arms above my head. It’s Luna!

“Jesus Luna you scared the shit out of me, how long have you been there?”

She giggles, “We just arrived, and who is this Jesus you speak of?”

I wave her off, “Listen it makes people uncomfortable to talk about religion so just know he’s a cool guy” She shrugs.

“Thou enjoy their new home?”

“Yea, it’s great” I say rather bummed out.

“Why is this troubling young human?” She asks confused of my attitude.

I try and change the subject, “Young? Pfft you cant be older than me by 5 yea- oh yeah the moon banishment”

She smiles at my silliness, “Although we might appear young, know we have over 1000 years under these wings”

“Well you fooled me, you still look very beautiful for a mare of your age, actually much younger than your sister”

She chuckles, “Yes, cake would be her undoing” I laugh along side her. “So what is it that bothers you so? Don’t think you could out wit me Joe, I see your game” I frown.

“Alright alright you got me but, I want to hear your story first. Why would your sister do something like that? 1000 years seems very excessive” She doesn’t seem to react to my question visibly but I swear I saw the slightest change in her eye.

“We.. I accept your deal however you must follow through with your end of the bargain” I nod in agreement. “Where should we begin... I begin” I give her a thumbs up and a smile on the save, she’s clearly trying her best to not speak in an old dialect.

“I shall use this as practice for our speech as well, speak if we make an error”

“I gotcha, don’t worry” Flashing my best smile.

“Thou is a strange one indeed” She giggles.

“Your, Luna, you should use, your instead of thou”

“Your is a strange one?” She asks tilting her head to the side innocently.

I face palm, “sorry no I mean say, ‘your a strange one’ instead. I should’ve clarified that, my bad”

After some time of me listening to Luna’s story with the occasional slip up, well I shouldn’t say occasional as at one point I gave up just telling her to speak the way she feels comfortable with, we find ourselves at the end of her story. To sum it up quickly, she had become jealous of her sisters attention feeling that her own ponies cared little of her and her night sky. Her jealousy led to anger and frustration eventually leading to her searching for power to over throw her sister leading to her own banishment.

“Listen, I understand you made a mistake but I still feel like the punishment was absurd”

“I tried to plunge Equestria into an eternal night!”

“You were sad and confused, your sister should have looked to help you rather than banish you. I’m sorry that I can’t understand what you went through but if I could go back in time to stop what happened I would”

“We were to far for redemption, ‘twas too late for us... me ugh this new dialect is frustrating” She stomps her hoof, slipping for a moment showing me the mare that’s still under her professional image, I smile.

“Luna the way you speak is fine, just do what’s comfortable... and I don’t think it was too late” She looks at me confused. “It’s never too late to save anypony” It feels cheesy as it leaves my mouth but the moon princess seems to think otherwise.

“Thank you for believing that Joey, it’s nice to know thou wouldn’t give up on a pony no matter the doing. We would say the element of loyalty has a challenger for the position” She says returning my smile.

“Don’t let Dash hear you say that, she’d be pissed”

“We can see why thou is so good with friends, perhaps we too could become as such?”

“I’d say we already are, I mean your pretty cool in my book. Whenever you want, just swing by for a talk or something”

“Oh joyous is this occasion!” She lifts her front hoofs clapping them together before realizing her company and composing herself, a blush still remaining. “This is very beneficial to us, we do not have many friends outside of the castle”

“I’m flattered that you see me as beneficial” I say placing my hand on my chest.

“Now, what was it that bothered thou?”

I stare off into the Everfree, my gaze appearing to look beyond its thickets and vine ridden trees. “Do you ever feel like you can’t pay back what you owe? That no matter what you do, you feel as if it’s not enough... that you need to do more?”

She places a hoof on my back getting my attention. “To feel beholden is only natural, letting trivial feelings rule over your life will only cause thou trouble. Learn to ignore this feeling Joey, it will bring nothing but conflict. Know that the one you feel like you owe likely doesn’t feel the same way”

I let her words soak in for a moment, enjoying Luna’s night sky.

“Thanks, Luna. I’ll try my best to remember what you said”

She smiles, “That is enough for us, and thank you Joey for your time” She begins to fly away up into the night. I shout out to her as she flys away.

“My door is always open!” She flys across the bright moon and disappears into the black sky. I walk back into the living room to see most of the ponies tuckered out.

Fluttershy is fading in and out of sleep, Twilight is scolding Spike for something, Dash is completely out cold on my couch next to Shy, AJ and Rarity had to head out to get an early start on work tomorrow and Pinkie was cleaning up some of the mess left by the party, bags under her eyes telling me all I need to know. These ponies are beat, and this party train has reached the station, time to play conductor.

“Alright everypony, I think we should wrap things up, it’s getting late and I can tell when you ponies are pooped”

Fluttershy snaps awake at this, sheepishly looking around to see if anypony noticed. Pinkie gives me a tired wink and continues her cleaning. Twilight and Spike agree and join in with cleaning things up and Dash still remains out on the couch. I get to helping out as well, it doesn’t take even 20 minutes before we’ve cleaned most of the mess and I wave Fluttershy goodbye. Looking back from the window into the home away from Shy’s departure, I admire the work, my home now cozy and comfortable enough to live in, much different the just the day before. I can’t help but smile a little, proud of the hard work me and these ponies put into this place, it finally paying off. As Pinkie gathers most of her party goods into her seemingly magical saddle bags, it’s capacity endless, I walk over giving her a hand.

“Thanks Pinkie for throwing this party and helping out with my move in, I don’t know how you manage to keep up this busy lifestyle” I reach to the nearby unused party hats, stuffing them into the side pocket.

“This is nothing! I didn’t even bring my party cannon” The confidence to what she says tells me she’s speaking the truth.

“A party cannon? Knowing you that’s likely an actual cannon that shoots confetti or something. I’m glad you didn’t bring it now that I think about it” She giggles.

“Sorry Joey, it’s for special big party moments! Plus I know you would get mad if I brought it” She gives me a dopy grin.

“Yea... probably” We both laugh a little, Pinkie strapping her now full saddlebag over her back.

I walk Pinkie outside seeing her off not before however, she stops and turns around. “Hey Joey?” I give her my attention. “Can I get a hug? I’m just a little tired out and seeing how I had to make this party today-“ I hold my arms open to Pinkie while giving a stern look.

“Pinkie it’s fine now hurry up and get over here”

She cheers before running over and hugging me on two hooves. She holds on for more than a comfortable period of time, her grip pulling tighter when I go to move away. “Just a little more, I need this” I let her hug go a little longer before she pulls away. “Thanks Joey! Now I feel all recharged!” She bounces up and down to prove her point.

“Glad I could be of use, me the ‘pony charger’” I say the last line with my arm extended as if I was reading from a newspaper, giving my best Jonah Jameson impression.

“Oooo I love Spider-Man! Anyways I oughta go, bye bye Joey!” Before I can ask how she knows about Spider-Man, she bolts off toward Ponyville.

What a strange cat

Writing off my confusion as just Pinkie Pie nonsense I walk back to my new home to see Spike and Twilight just heading out, meeting me outside near the front door. We all look at one another for a moment unsure what to say. I decide to break the ice.

“Listen, you two. I’m... not very good with sentimental stuff or getting real sappy” I kick my foot around uncomfortable with the situation. “I’m grateful to call you two my friends... and even if this whole Equestria thing wasn’t planned, I’m glad I met both of you anyways. I don’t know if I would have wanted things any other way”

It’s true when I say that I wouldn’t want it any other way as I needed a change in my life but the people I was forced to leave behind will bother me for sometime, maybe until I die. I had friends I promised to be there for and others that cared about me, so disappearing from their lives without a trace makes me feel guilty even if it wasn’t my fault. I just wished there was a way for me to tell them I’m okay and apologize.

Both of them look to me with sadness in their eyes but smiles across their faces. We all know this is goodbye to the trio but it’s not the end to our friendship. “Yea.. I’m glad we met too, just make sure to invite me over sometimes alright?” Spike rubs a tear from his eye as he speaks.

“Our home will always be open, you know your welcome whenever” I can see the hurt in her eyes, it makes me want to change my mind but it’s for the best I move out.

“I know, I’ll be sure to come over often... and thanks, I couldn’t have done anything without you two” We share a group hug, then the two of them head back to town, I wave them off.

Walking back inside there’s still a few things left I need to clean up. I put the food away that’s left out and take care of the fireplace, making sure the flame isn’t dying out. As I poke at the timber a noise from behind startles me. I slowly turn my head to see what could have made the noise to see that Dash was still here, passed out on my couch. Figured as much.

I scoot over to her giving her nose a boop, it doesn’t wake her. Booping her nose once more in an attempt to reboot the pony doesn’t work either. I place my hand against my chin in thought, in what way could I wake her that it will be both entertaining and efficient? Dash’s snores are heard behind me as I pace back and forth, I turn back to look at the pony. She lays completely sprawled out on her back on my couch, her mouth completely open snoring loudly still. Eh, maybe I should just let her off the hook this time. Heading to my pile of gifts that the others brought over that were not wrapped up, I shuffle through some boxes to find one labeled ‘blankets/sheets’ and grab a red plaid blanket. I walk gingerly over to Dash, covering her in the blanket before extinguishing the remaining lit candles and heading off to my new bedroom.

Slipping into my pajamas, which having my own place means I can go back to what I slept in before I was brought over, wearing nothing but my underwear. I slip under the covers sighing in relief to finally be off my feet, the soft silk covers feeling wonderful against my bare skin. Laying in bed for a few minutes I start to become restless, my brain still very much awake and working in overtime, bringing up previous mishaps or memories that I don’t remember asking to think about. Minutes turns to an hour, I think back to the medication Twilight got me getting up from my bed grumbling in frustration. Reaching through my suitcase I still haven’t unpacked, I grab the insomnia medication. My focus on it for a few seconds, the lack of distractions starting to become evident.

If I just take them all I can really get a good nights rest...

I shake my head trying to remove such a disturbing thought. “What the fuck dude, get a grip” I tug at the collar on my neck. Doing this cause me to remember that I’m alone now, well Dash is here but she’s immune anyways, I can remove the stupid collar. Reaching toward it I place my fingers on the switch to remove it, I pause.

Take it off, then we can go fuck some other pony’s life over right?

I pull the collar tightly away from my neck, it’s rough material scratches my neck on the opposite side that I pull from. I can’t take it off, it’s safe right now but, I wont stop thinking about that stallion, his face etched into my skull. I don’t deserve to take it off. Taking a normal dose of the pills, I get back into bed with my collar still on, my constant tugging at it created a rash on my neck. Sleep takes me however, my brain isn’t done tormenting me.

It’s midday and me and Dash are back at the ice cream vendors stall, I look to him his features looking the same as first time I saw him. “What would you like Monsieur?” Glancing back to Rainbow I see her gazing over the menu.

Why am I back here? Did I go back in time?

Looking back to the vendor I’m taken by surprise, I fall onto my back. His lifeless body lays over the stall, bloody vomit runs from his mouth. I feel like throwing up, I kick my feet to get distance between us.

“MURDERER!” A pony shouts from behind.

“YOUR SICK!” “GUARDS!” “DISGUSTING” “BETTER OFF DEAD” An ensemble of voices ring out around me, ponies surround me staring at shouting.

They kick at me and throw rocks, continuing to yell. I try to get up before I’m dragged by a pony’s magic, I look to where he is bringing me only to see a large set of gallows that were not there before. I know this isn’t real but it still feels like it is, each rock I’m dragged over rips at my skin. The pony floats me over into the noose, tightening it around my neck. Its threading rubs my neck raw, my hands moving to take it off only to be bound. I look into the crowd my heart pounding violently in my chest, all this attention. My eyes go to Rainbow, she can’t look at me, disgusted by my actions. I can’t help but cry, truly alone now with nothing left and no hope, the pony next to me pulls at the lever holding me up.

I jolt awake, covered in a cold sweat. My heart racing a million miles per hour, I place my hand to my chest catching my breath. “Joey? Are you okay?” Its Dash looking awfully concerned next to my bed.

“Yea... I’m fine just a bad dream” She looks away embarrassed.

“Listen I’m not good with this stuff okay so just... stop trying to handle everything yourself! And... put a shirt on, your probably cold without any fur” I blush realizing the situation, she’s the first pony to see me without clothes.

“Sorry” I smile embarrassed, scratching the back of my neck. I’m met with a burning sensation from my rash, “Ow”.

Dash looks at the collar, “Why don’t you take it off? You said I’m immune or whatever anyways”

“I can’t...” I struggle to come up with an excuse before giving up. “And I can’t tell you why either, not yet”

She face hoofs, “Well can you tell me why you didn’t wake me up?”

I shrug my shoulders, “I don’t know, you looked tired! I didn’t want to wake you, you’d probably punch me or something”

“I would not! And can you please put a shirt on!” She asks blushing.

I smile, “Make me”

She grumbles for a moment. “Grrr, I’m going home!”

“Oh by the way, thanks for the gifts Rainbow, whenever you wanna hang out I’ll find time” I say with a smile.

Her blush intensifies, unable to decide whether she is angry or not, “Yea your welcome” and she storms off out of my room, heading outside to take off toward her cloud home.

I never understood what a cloud home was but I bet she doesn’t even have a home, she just sleeps in clouds each night calling them her home. The medication starts to kick in again seeing how my system hasn’t fully flushed out the magic bringing me back to my nightmare.

I’m on the gallows again but alone. I look over to where the executioner stood to see Luna there smiling. “Appears we have made it this time, fear not for we have removed thou’s nightmare” Standing proudly in front of her liberated victim. The noose around my neck fading away into dust.

“Guess it wasn’t all talk about you fucking up nightmares. Your like the sandman’s kryptonite!”

She giggles, “Tho- you speak in such strange ways”

“Guess you could say I’m... from out of this world” (insert sunglasses floating down onto my face)

Luna shakes her head in disappointment, “We should move on, ponies require us to protect their dreams”

“I understand, thanks Lu!” My nickname draws a confused smile as she flys off. I think she liked it. Without anything now preventing my sleep, I rest through the night.

7 Mistakes

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A month passes and things have gotten worse. My previous social status within Ponyville somewhere along the lines of neutral residential alien now turned to dangerous villain the elements keep in check. After my whole incident with that pathetic excuse of a pony, most of the town folk seem avoid me, a rumor of me being some hexing creature that preys on the weak keeps me from fitting in. Not all ponies believe everything they hear and some even treat me normal but that’s the minority. Thankfully, ponies ignorant enough to believe I could curse them have generally left me alone, likely in fear of the rumors. I try to ignore it all and continue with my life with a motto, live the way you want because no matter what you do, they’ll judge you anyway. A little cynical but it helps keep me going.

With the girls, my relationship with most of them has become more comfortable for both sides, some of our likes and dislikes more well known as I become more accustomed to their norms and Equestria. I even helped out Aj at her farm a few times, the work a nice getaway and workout for myself along with bonding time with the cowgirl. I feel like I have a better sense of how these ponies feel as well making the way they act more expected. Ponies usually act very compassionate, dedicated, and are easily startled. They’re like Santa’s elves when it comes to their special talents, working away at what they do best, elves that deeply enjoy affection, fearing every little thing they don’t understand. It’s adorable in its own special way.

Besides my social status, my relationships, and my home being more furnished now, nothing has really changed. Scratch that, my mental health has certainly taken a dive.

With each day of disgusted looks, whispers, and my Magic’s draining effect, I’m starting to feel more of an outcast. Things have actually gotten to a point where I struggle to remove myself from my own home. My shopping trips have become less frequent along with my days over to any of the girls places. With energy lower than normal, simple tasks liking getting up in the morning have become daunting. Still as things progressively get worse, I fight some days to make sure I get something done, as an uneventful day adds to my self hate.

Although today is different than normal, I promised myself to leave the house and get some shopping done. My fridge, which still makes no sense how they invented without knowing how to make a lightbulb yet is rather empty and even though my appetite has been lighter lately, it’s still better to have something stocked up for guests.

I lace up my shoes and open the door to my home to spot the grey mail mare flying away. Her names Derpy Hooves which wasn’t that hard to remember as her eyes both suffer from ‘lazy eye’ going off in random directions whenever she seems rattled. It’s sort of cute and I hope the poor mare doesn’t get any flack for it cause she seems like a nice mare, always greeting me with a smile if she sees me. I sort through my mail box throwing away certain hate letters sent anonymously to me, it’s become routine at this point. The first were a surprise, and an unwelcome one at that, I regretfully read them and never will again. After shifting through the rest, I quickly toss my mail inside on the table and head back out toward the Ponyville market.

The last few days have been rather cold, winter slowly seeps its way over the valley. The foliage taking its final changes before falling with the life stealing wind buffering against my sweater. Most of the trees still carry some color however it would be unsurprising for this not to be the case within even a weeks time. Ponies although protected by their coats, still bundle up during this time of year, wearing assortments of scarfs and winter hats to wrap over their sensitive ears. It makes it difficult to read some ponies emotions as those pointy sonars above their heads were a helpful tell.

Along with fall there was a holiday that passed as well, the running of the leaves which I of course did not participate in, yet still cheered for the rivalry of Dash and Applejack, this years result a draw. It surprised me how much Dash depends on her wings for speed seeing how Aj easily kept up in a foot race (hoof race?). After these events the town has really settled down, hunkering in for the winter.

Personally I enjoy winter, the light fall of snowflakes as my feet crunch under the snow on a still night, nothing tops the silence the defining snow brings. The ponies here do celebrate something similar to the winter holiday of Christmas however they refer to it as ‘Hearths Warming’, the purpose being a remembrance of the formed bond each pony race made during a tough winter. It still carries most of the same traditions just without the religious connection but, before this holiday there is another, Nightmare night.

If you were to take this holiday and replace it with Halloween, nothing would change beside the weird lore of a ponies banishment in the back of everyone’s mind. Truthfully, I think the version here is kind of fucked up seeing how it’s based on a current living pony’s corrupted past, something I’m sure if it were about me I’d be upset. Luna told me of the holiday however, and said that she loves it, seeing it as a day for ponies to have fun in honor of her rebirth from Nightmare Moon. She started to get really giddy while talking about scaring everypony this year, I found it disturbing how much she looked forward to scaring ponies for a whole day. I digress.

Continuing my walk through Ponyville, I try to ignore most of the stares, the attention becoming sadly normal to me. Even the collar I wear at times disappears from my mind almost like wearing a pair of glasses in the way they fade out from your vision. By the time I reach the marketplace, word of my arrival had gone through as most vendors shut shop prematurely as I walk by. Thankfully I still have a friend in the market who happens to own a grocery, their opinion on others not swayed by gossiping tales.

“Joeeeyyy my pal, nice to see ya! Your looking a little scraggly though, I could maybe hook you up with my barber?” A large greased up pony yells to me from behind the counter as I walk in. His coat white with a black slicked back mane and a mustache goatee combo. He reminds me of a big Italian guy you’d see in the movies running a pizza shop, something like the guys from ‘Do the right thing’. Sadly both his name and appearance don’t do his character justice, that being Shifty Deals.

“I’ll be fine D, I have a razor at home just not feeling up to shaving off what’s left protecting my face in this cold, It’s like a scarf to me. Thanks for the offer though” I show my appreciation with a smile and head into the store to check off this shopping list.

Finishing my chore, I check out and wave one of my few pals bye before heading back into the street. I’m met by a large gust of wind blowing into my face, I shudder from the cold.

This sucks ass, I can’t wait to get back and rest by the fire

Before I go home, I remember asking Twilight about having the report on the one pony that shared my issue, her previous mentioning of it gaining my curiosity. Heading over to check if she has it yet, I quickly run inside to meet Twilight at her check in desk. We talk for a moment before she hands me a journal.

“This is a replica of the original text, it’s condition is too fragile for me to take from Celestias private library. The original text was from over 1000 years ago Joey, 1000! That makes it around the time of Luna’s banishment!” She exclaims, geeking out as well in the process.

“Damn, so my condition is really that old? Doesn’t really breed hope into solving this shit”

She settles down, “We’ll figure something out don’t you worry however, there’s a few interesting things in there I never mentioned to you seeing how I didn’t have excess to it before but, now after reading it I suggest you study it up as well. We need all the brains we can get to work on this together!”

I nod giving Twi a hoof bump and exchange goodbyes. I can’t help wonder what the history behind my magic is, and maybe... just maybe the answer to curing me is right here. I look at the journal in my hand, it’s cover a brown leather protecting the pages within, no text residing on the outside. I place it into my backpack that rests on my shoulder, continuing on through the cold.

I hurry my way back home without issue besides the Rainbow colored pony waiting at my door, peeking inside my window. While she doesn’t look mischievous I still have the urge to spook her.

“HEY!” I shout to scare her.

Jumping up into the air, her hair straightens out as she is caught snooping. She turns to see her big human friend making his way down the hill toward her, bag of groceries in hand and fat grin on his face.

She crosses her hoofs together standing on two feet, “That was fucked up! I just wanted to see if you were home” Her use of the word fuck gets a laugh out of me, it still feels so wrong to hear.

“I am now so let’s get inside out of this shit” Pointing my thumb behind myself to empathize the ‘shit’ as I walk past her unlocking the door.

We both walk in, Dash taking my bag to the kitchen helping take care of my groceries while I take off my new boots Rarity made, purchased for with my own bits. It took some convincing, I had to explain how I felt terrible not being able to pay her back especially seeing how I get paid for practically existing at this point. She caved in eventually letting me make my first purchase at her Boutique. It was a small win.

After placing my boots to the side, I walk over to the kitchen helping Dash with putting away the last of my food. “Thanks for helping, I didn’t even have to ask and you helped” She snorts at my sarcastic surprise.

“Yea okay big guy” Rolling her eyes as she talks. We finish up and move to my living room both resting by the fire. “No pony is messing with you anymore right? Cause I’ll set them straight”

I chuckle at her fiery spirit, “Nah they just ignore me now, it’s less stressful than before though”

“Yea their probably afraid of what Rainbow Dash could do if they mess with any of her friends!” She jokingly flexes her small muscle.

“Heh, no I think they’re scared of me. The rumor going around is that I’m some hexing wizard that can curse you with even a stare” I move my fingers menacingly outward. “Oooo I curse you with a dire need of mare love” My voice simulating a cartoonish ghost impression as I wave my hand over Dash. She bats my hand away laughing.

“Ha only if they knew what a big softy you are! Your more dangerous to yourself than somepony else” She jokes but as she says this I can see her regret.

I avoid making a reaction but her true words cut deep, deeper than she realizes. I’d hate for her to act differently around me just because of my issues so I try to seem unfazed. “The most dangerous thing being this fucking collar, who knows when I could get this thing stuck and choke myself”

“So just take it off, I mean it’s just the two of us right now”

I pause, the collar still hasn’t been removed since the first day I put it on, it’s placement around my neck more tight than I wore before as it rubbed at my neck as it swung around. It wasn’t embarrassing to me anymore beside when a new pony saw me wearing it and it wasn’t uncomfortable either. The issue was I felt obligated to wear it since that stallions passing.

“It’s fine Dash, it doesn’t really bother me anymore”

She stared at me confused, “Yea but I would take that thing off whenever I could if I were you”

“Well your not me so”

“Joey just take it off, stop being ridiculous”

“Why are you so interested in me taking it off?” I start to get riled up.

“Because it’s awkward you keeping it on all the time! I mean if I wore a collar even when we were alone wouldn’t you think I have some sort of kink or something?!”

I stop and scratch my head, she has a point. “I can’t say why but it needs to stay on, and it’s not a kink”

“I’m your friend Joe, just tell me why it’s so important it stays on and I’ll respect your decision” Her gaze is determined and truthful.

“Alright but I’m going to need a drink, you want some?”

“Of course, I’m cold as shit still”

I smile at what she has to say and gather us both something to drink. I’m not a wine person at all so whenever I need something to drink just know it’ll never be wine. Dash shares my taste as well, and beside Aj every other pony I know loves wine, their fridges only having the foul liquid as an option. I hand her a glass and dig through my bag pulling out the journal, setting it next to my seat for later.

“Thanks” Dash says while taking her drink. “Now why can’t you take it off? Does it have something to do with your magic?”

I shake my head no, “Not really, more like something my magic did” Dash drinks from her glass waiting for me to continue. I let the ice cubes swirl around as I build up the courage to say my next line. “You know that pony, the one we met that sold ice cream”

“The prance guy? Yea I heard he... killed himself” Her voice low as if she were trying to avoid somepony from hearing.

“I think when I bumped his magic that I.... that I’m the reason he did... that” I look into the fireplace unable to face Dash, I don’t want to see the disgust on her face. My nightmare from before appearing in my mind, her face horrified to know me as a murderer. Instead I try to focus on the crackling fire, flames ravaging away at the timber reducing its form to charcoal. It’s almost symbolic to me, my own magic as the flames, eating away at the life that remains in the timber before reducing it to nothing, mere ash.

Dash speaks up after some silence pulling me from my fog, “I don’t think it was you Joey, I mean you said yourself that it hurts ponies overtime. We only talked to that pony for a minute at most”

“Maybe we don’t understand what I have yet, maybe it can stick to ponies. Twilight gave me a book on the last victim of my problem, I was hoping to find some answers there”

“So, why keep wearing the collar though? There’s no pony you can hurt here”

I answer ashamed, “The least I could do to pay that pony back is to never take it off again”

Dash looks to me angrily, “You didn’t have anything to do with that! You don’t owe anypony”

“You said you’d respect my decision”

“That wasn’t your decision! That was some other pony who doesn’t know what they’re talking about!” She stands up now moving toward me. “Why are you so hard on yourself, taking all the blame even when there is none to take!”

“Why can’t you tell the truth and tell me I fucked up! You and I both know it was my fault, first suicide in over 8 years? That’s no coincidence!”

“Fine, if you can’t stop blaming yourself, I will beat the Joey that hates you out!” She punches my arm as hard as she can.

I grab at my arm squeezing it tight, the pain burning more than it should. “Agh fuck” I lean over straddling my arm, a warm wetness leaks down my sleeve. I look to see a red blotch forming around where she punched me, blood staining my orange long sleeve shirt. Dash looks to my arm horrified from hurting me.

“H-how it was just a punch?” She looks afraid to move forward. “Im s-sorry, p-pull your sleeve up, let me see it” She goes to move my sleeve up before I pull away.

“NO NO it’s fine just had a little cut there from earlier, must’ve opened back up” I shout in a panicked voice.

My outburst surprises Dash, her head recoiling back at my suddenness. “Well can I see it I mean it’s bleeding really bad we should wrap it up”

“Don’t worry I’ll go wrap it u-“ I’m interrupted by Dash knocking me over trying to pull at my sleeve. She wrestles against me before biting my shirt and ripping it off entirely. Her eyes become pinpricks.

My bleeding arm is bandaged already with large gauze around my shoulder however down my arm there are scars of previous cuts, their wounds not entirely healed over, still red in most cases. My other arm remains mostly untouched but carried a few scars of its own around my wrist. I’ve been cutting myself. Dash falls back off of me as I clutch my bleeding arm, she looks to my face for an answer I cannot give. Hurrying over she rushes to get some fresh bandages from my cabinet, her knowledge of their location coming from her own history of crashes while practicing her stunts with me. Bringing me fresh gauze, I pull away at my dirty bandage, the wound freshly bleeding sticks to the bandage as it pulls away.

“Fuck me” I whisper while Dash grabs a spray bottle of disinfectant.

“I’m sorry... this is going to hurt” I take off my collar without thinking and bite at it in preparation. She sprays at my cut, it’s sharp burn instant.

I growl biting down hard into the collar, it’s material keeping the shape of my bite from the force. The pain continues to burn away, I squeeze my leg painfully with my other arm as Dash starts to wrap my wound. “Joey, I’m sorry I didn’t know” She looks downtrodden, disappointed in herself.

Embarrassed, I struggle to talk, my throat feeling dry. Dash fills the silence for me. “If I was a better friend I would’ve know the pain your in, I could’ve prevented this...” Tears begin to brim in her eyes. I’ve never seen her cry before or even become close to, I feel like shit for the pain I caused.

She finishes my bandage and rests her head into my bare back, as she sits behind me. I face the fireplace ashamed, my worst secret now revealed and it hurt my friend, my best friend. I can feel the wetness of Dash’s tears as she lightly sobs into my back, hugging my waist with her hooves. I don’t know what to say, words not reaching my lips as I sit there quietly, the room still with a few crackles of the fireplace and Dash’s sobs.

You sure fucked up, it’ll be tough now knowing they will always worry about your safety once word gets out what you did. They can’t even trust you to be alone! We’re better off dying in some ditch then hurting these ponies.

I mentally torture myself, treating the real me as if it was someone else I could blame, that I was better than that, better than him. This is far from reality though, and my chances of not being a burden are now slim to none. I can’t let Dash tell anypony, especially Twilight, she’s the one I’ve hurt too much already, if she hears about this she’ll blame herself and I can’t let her suffer anymore for me.

“D-dash?” I say almost whispering. Her crying dies down as she lays against me, still making small noises of discomfort as if just breathing hurt.

I have never heard or seen Dash this broken before and I don’t want to ever again, her sounds of pain eat away at my insides. The element of loyalty is what she prides herself on and this seemed to put that into question for herself. Clearly she isn’t at fault here however, knowing how stubborn she is I doubt I could convince her otherwise.

“You can’t tell anypony about this”

“What?! Are you insane!” She pulls me around to face her, tears still running down her face. “Your cutting yourself and who knows what else you’ve done! How could you ask me to keep this a secret! I can’t do that Joey, I mean I have a job and my own place, I can’t keep an eye on you all the time as well!” She furious at my plea, disgusted that I could even dare ask her to do such a thing.

“Please just hear me out” I desperately reach for her hoof to calm her down. She pulls away stomping, her face matted with tears and her trembling lips unable to hold back a frown.

“No I can’t, that’s too much for you to ask. Me and the girls are here for you Joey and we have been since the beginning. You still went and did something stupid like this and then you have the guts to ask me to keep this a secret! I know this is partially my fault as well, if I was a better friend I would have noticed your suffering sooner but, I will not lie for you”

“This wasn’t your fault at all, if I wasn’t trying to fix everything myself we wouldn’t be arguing right now but I fucked up Dash and I can’t take it back. The other girls didn’t fuck up either but they sure will blame themselves if they hear about this, just like how you feel and I can’t do that to them, please Dash” My face shows how tired I am, tired of keeping secrets and tired of suffering. The weariness of battle starting to take me.

“But you can do it to me?” Her pained voice cracking more than usual, it’s general tone raspy.

“I didn’t plan on anypony figuring it out alright, it just... I can stop, I’ll be better” My desperate tone doesn’t help my case at all, along with the fractured trust we now have.

She looks to me with sad eyes, “Look at you..” Her hoof hovers across my scarred arms and pale complexion, my hair messy, unkept. “Your a mess, you need help”

“I’m not going to therapy so some pony can tell me I’m creating my own problems and waste my time. I’ll figure it out on my own” We both stand there indifferent of one another’s ideas.

Dash sits there thinking for a moment, then paces around the room before coming back to face me. “Pinkie, you have to tell Pinkie as well”

“What why? She’ll say the same thing you did!”

Dash looks away ashamed of helping me with my scheme, “Not if it’s a promise...” she proceeds to head toward the door. “I’ll tell her to come over after her work but you have to tell her the truth... agh this is so STUPID STUPID STUPID!” She stomps angrily into the floor.

“Rainbow... I’m sorry, I really a-“

“Please.... please stop” She holds up her hoof. “Another time, just don’t do anything stupid before Pinkie gets here okay? You owe me this at least” Her voice is sad, heartbroken at each lie I had told over the previous weeks, my persistence that I’m okay and that nothing is wrong. Topping it off, she came over today it seems to hangout with me yet I go and hurt her enough to make her leave, who the fuck am I?

I can’t blame her for leaving me alone after this, my plea conflicted with her staying until somepony else could watch me. If she did something like that, the girls surely would know something is up and I’m grateful for her doing this favor even after what I have done. Maybe her leaving me right now is a bad idea but how would she know any better, self harm and suicide is taboo here, very rare and unknown. All I know is that I can’t stay still here or my own head will tempt me so I look around for a distraction. The journal from earlier sat there on the couch. I go and change my shirt, storing the bloodied one into my hamper for later, it’ll be tough to explain the blood to Rarity without giving up the truth.

I open the journal reading the first page’s description. ‘Various contaminates and other magical dangers’ published in 997. Holy shit that’s old, Earth and Equestria on the same time line makes this book 1023 years old, a period before Lunas banishment. I read through the index looking for instances that relate to contagious magic, my quest short lived as a small section covers one accident that had taken place around 967. I read through, stunned to see the resemblance of my problem.

A pony named Quantum Matter was stricken with illness following his experiments with Equine magic, looking for ways to share his own abilities with non unicorns. Without any pony willing to experiment on, he was forced to use himself as a test subject, reflecting his own spell into a crystal after briefly changing himself into an Earth pony. In a way his experiment did work, his magic was unbound however, he was unable to change himself back as well as his magic becoming uncontrollable, constantly pouring from his own body. Over time as he suffered from symptoms of magic fatigue, his conditioned worsened, as the publisher wrote, ‘he was stricken by an illness unfamiliar to pony kind, one of debilitating sadness and sorrow’.

The book goes on describing his symptoms, they match most of the common ones seen today with depression. The thing that surprises me the most is that the publisher states that his illness was never seen before and after that, was commonly sprouted up in random ponies over time. A recent study (to the time) showed his magic chemically changed DNA of most ponies creating viable subjects for possible sickness. The disease was without a proper name seeing how uncommon it was still had a term to be referred by, the ponies of the time called it, ‘The sorrow sickness’. I flip through the book to see more on what had become of the disease to find a small section written out. It stats that, ‘up to 85% of ponies living currently could be carrying the DNA from this illness’.

I sit back, unable to process this. A illness that is structurally ingrained into ponies? The book publisher stats that it was 85% in 997 so that would make today’s percentage small by now seeing how it’s been 1000+ years. Its surprising to even think that some living ponies could still be carrying it however this doesn’t seem to be enough proof to let me off the hook. The odds of such an illness being within our victim are low, low enough to assume it’s more likely I’ve caused this. Hell even if he did have the DNA, it was me who set it off like a cancer in his brain. I store the journal away into the desk in my room, locking the drawer with a key.

Sitting in my desk chair, I lean back letting my mind wander. It’s not long before I realize my original sickness is somewhat faded, a dull urge pulls at me rather than the normal intensity. Confused I reach to my neck to feel nothing, panicking I run into the living room scanning for my collar to find it laying there near the first aid kit. I grab it inspecting it’s condition, my bite mark still visible but not as much as before. I hold it for a moment thinking of how wonderful it feels without, the feeling of cold air against my neck feels free. The added benefit of my usually sickness seems to be faddish as well, life flowing into me as my own magic pours out, it’s almost euphoric. Guilt steals this moment for me, I shouldn’t take it off, I owe that pony my suffering, it’s the least I could do now.

Placing the collar back around my neck I get up from where I sat, cleaning the mess from earlier and resting back onto the couch, my only hope for escaping this reality sleep, a momentary bliss as Luna protects my dreams now with a magical ward. The last time we met was within another of my nightmares however, Luna had made a plan for the common occurrence. Placing a magical ward over my collar on top of its current magic resisting capability in order for me to find peace sleeping at times she wasn’t protecting the dreamscape. It was a very kind gesture and I planned on making it up to her but, seeing how she was a pony of 1000+ years, it would make it difficult to reward her. Perhaps just spending time with her would be enough seeing how she referred to me as one of her few friends outside the castle. After brainstorming an idea, I take a smaller dosage than usual of medication in order to take a nap, Pinkies arrival being sooner rather than later I would like to avoid sleeping for the medications suggested 9 hour dosage.

Rather than work the way I intend, it makes me sleepy but not enough to sedate me. I lay in a somewhat coma like form, unable to really think but unable to sleep as well. It’s truly unnerving as I’m able to move around without thought like my body is on autopilot. I close my eyes trying to wait it off, my strategy working better than intended as I eventually succumb to exhaustion.

I wake up to knocking at my door, I rub my eyes wondering who it could be. Glancing at my clock as I walk to see it’s sometime after 9, awfully late for a visitor. My brain fog starts to clear a little remembering Dash’s condition to my plan, my hands start to sweat as I open the door. It’s the pinkster all right.

Pinkie stands there looking tired and messy after a days work in Sugar Cube Corner but, still carrying a large smile with her as she stands at my doorstep. Along with her she wears a purple scarf, it’s embroidered with Twilights mark, likely a present from a past birthday or something. “Pinkie! Now what do I owe the pleasure?” I try to come off surprised.

“Dashy said to come over after my shift! That it was super duper very important and I should go as quickly as I could!” She’s excited for the wrong reasons, unaware of the purpose of Dash’s strange request.

“Oh yeah... come on in” I stand to the side holding the door. Pinkie bounces inside excitedly, heading over to my couch.

“Woweee, it smells really metaly in here? Do you weld part time, or do you have a present for me that’s metal? THATS why you invited me over right!?” I completely forgot about ponies being animals, their sense of smell much stronger than my own, I should’ve lit a scented candle or something.

I shake my head no, lighting a lavender candle gifted from Twilight. “Sorry Pinkie, I’ll explain in a bit just get comfortable. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Do you have hot chocolate? I’ve been craving it today with all this cold” I nod heading to the kitchen as she lays back taking off her scarf and placing it into her bag, she carries that big ass thing everywhere. It’s a normal saddlebag but it’s capacity is clearly reached, I’m getting off topic.

I fetch us both a mug, giving one to Pinkie as I sit down right aside her. “So how was the corner?”

She laughs, “I wouldn’t stoop that low Joey”. Hey play on words of my joke are funny enough to draw a chuckle out of me however, my minds elsewhere wondering how to say what’s wrong. “It was great as always. Mr. and Mrs. Cake had me working extra hard to prepare for Nightmare Night, they wanted to make sure they’d have enough treats for everypony this year, but it’a not like they’ve ever been short before. You can’t be too careful when it comes to the holidays!”

The first time I really hung out with Pinkie, I found her quick spoken and long drawn out answers annoying yet as I listen to her now, it’s somewhat comforting in the consistency of her voice. It’s almost like having a noise maker for when you sleep, something to avoid the silence of night to help you relax. I sink into the couch listening to Pinkie tell me her day, sipping from my hot chocolate occasionally. She goes on for a few minutes on a story about helping some tourist elderly couple find their way through Ponyville.

“Isn’t that the cutest! I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a relationship that intimate”

Its nice until you realize she doesn’t love you anymore

I allow myself to slip up for a moment frowning in displeasure of my previous last relationship stirring back up. It wasn’t that recent from when I was transported here however, it was my first and I damn sure tried my best to make things work. I was sure things were meant to be, how ignorant.

“It’s nice..” I say aloud. Pinkie looks to me in shock.

“YOU have a special somepony!?!” Her hooves on both sides of her face, somewhat resembling the scream art piece. Heh, imagine Pinkie in replacement for that picture.

“Special person, and had. Things didn’t turn out so well” Pinkie frowns, scooting closer to me and resting her head against my shoulder.

“What happened? If you don’t mind me asking”

Scratching her head with my hand, look into the raging fire as I speak, “I’m not sure I’m okay with talking about it yet” I look to Pinkie, “It’s still a little fresh” She hugs my arm tight.

“That’s okay Joey. Can you tell me what it was like though... to love somepony..like that? I mean I love my family and the girls but I’m not sure what it feels like to be in.... love love” She gives me the dreaded puppy eyes with a blush.

“Easy! Put those things away” She laughs squeezing into me. Her warmth combined with the fire is intoxicating, it’s becoming difficult to move, worried about losing this comfort. “I’ll explain it how I felt. It was like living your life without purpose or understanding only until one day everything made sense. The tickling feeling in my stomach, the warm feeling in my chest, the lightness in the air. It gave me purpose, drive, I felt happier than I’ve ever been before and I didn’t want things to ever end with her. Moments where we had to separate were difficult but when we were together, time had gone by too fast, never enough to satisfy my urge to hold her, feel her warmth. Even her voice was soothing to my soul, calming me down at my worst, promising everything would be okay”

I hadn’t realized it but I had started crying as I was speaking, tears streaming down my face leaving marks behind were they had traveled. “And when we had broken up, I couldn’t bear to think about her, I threw everything away that reminded me of her. Just the very thought of us not working out after everything I did made me too sick to do anything. She promised me... she, although love can make you more happy than you can imagine, nothing can replace it when it’s lost”

“J-Joey, *sniff* I’m s-sorry, I never knew *sniff* that you experienced that” Pinkie fought at tears spilling from her eyes. I hugged her close, wiping my own face.

“It’s okay, it was for the best that we moved on anyway. She’d be happier that way and that’s all that mattered to me” Selfishly I wanted more of course but, certain things you have to learn to let go.

“B-but, that’s not fair! What about how you feel, she should have considered how you felt!” I chuckle.

“Pinkie you known not everything is fair right?” I say while booping her nose. She looks to me with tear filled grumpy eyes.

“Not funny” Her voice cracking as she spoke.

“You ponies seem to think a lot of my jokes aren’t funny, it shows a clear lack of taste”

“No, your jokes are too sad!”

This is enough to make me smile just for a moment before I remember the purpose of her being here. I pull at the collar around my neck as I look away.

“Umm Pinkie, do you know why Dash told you to come over?”

“Because your lonely and she knew I’d love to get a Joey recharge” She says confidently.

“Ha, yea... only if” I scratch my neck, “truth is, I’ve.... can you Pinkie promise me you won’t tell anypony?” Worriedly her eyes glanced toward my own.

“Is it serious?” She asks with an eyebrow raised. I nod yes. “Okay, cross my heart hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye” The last part followed up with an imaginary cupcake slammed toward her eye.

“*ahem* alright, I um... I’ve made a mistake and I promise it won’t happen again. I’m going to fix things myself but Dash said I had to tell you as well” Pinkie looks worried now as I go on but, doesn’t interrupt. “I did some... bad things and, maybe it’s best if I just show you”

I pull back my sleeve enough to reveal several cuts across my wrist. I can’t face her in this moment, my humiliation at an all time high, blushing furiously. I wince expecting some sort of backlash, instead I’m met with the feeling of something running along my arm. I look to see at what Pinkie is doing, she traces up my sleeve pulling it back the rest of the way, moving her hoof over my scars with a sad look.

“Oh Joey... you really can do the stupidest things” She doesn’t look up to face me though as she says this, settling for expecting my wounds instead. After a few seconds she pulls my sleeve back down and places her hoof on top of my hand. She stares into my eyes with not a look of disappointment but with confidence, her mind already made up. I stay silent.

“I’ve decided” I give her a puzzled look. “I’m moving in with you! You clearly need help and I’m sure you won’t charge me rent like the Cakes. It’s a win win” She smiles, cuddling back into my side. “I see why Dashy wanted me to know as well...”

Im conflicted, while I wouldn’t mind Pinkie moving in, it feels more like she’s obligated to. If her reasoning being that she owes this to me than I would rather she didn’t, I’m not worth the time. I look down at Pinkie, her eyes closed as she relaxes into me. How can she be so calm about learning about this?

“Are you... mad at me?” I ask sheepishly.

“That would be awfully selfish for me to be mad at you, plus you’ll be paying me for my services with warm hooman cuddles” She replies without opening her eyes. I guess that’s a fair bargain.

“But... you don’t feel like you have to do this right? I’m not forcing your hand or anything am I? Because I can stop, I know I can and-“

“Shh, I want to help my friend. Is that reason enough?” Her demeanor has changed completely since my reveal to a more respectful and responsible pony, her tone soft enough to tame a tigers wrath.

“I’m sorry”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for” I’m embarrassed but Pinkies calming presence makes me not care. I settle for laying down across the couch with the party pony atop of me relaxing like a cat upon its owner. “You know Joey, you really are a wonderful pony, even if you don’t think so”

Her words bring heat to my face, I fight back against the tide of emotions, “That’s not true, I just cause problems for everypony that’s close to me, I’m a walking talking mistake. I shouldn’t even be here”

“Do you ever feel like doing more than hurting yourself?” I bite my lip, unable to give an answer. “I think you should love yourself more. You care too much about others and your leaving yourself out of the picture, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes”

She hugs me tight to prove her point, my warmth both an example of my willingness to please others and her own selfish desire. I guess not all self centered desires can be negative, Seeing how I don’t really mind her being this close as much as I did before.

“I don’t deserve to be happy”

“Sure you do, I mean you do whatever you can to help us girls out, even if your uncomfortable or if things get too much. Think about the time you went around town helping me out with your new collar, I could tell that was a lot to ask of you”

“It was fine, I’m just a baby” I keep my answers short with displeasure laced in my voice as we continue to speak about myself.

“I think your tough, and brave. Anypony would be lucky to have you as their special somepony” Her voice continues to get more relaxed however, not enough to fall asleep.

“That would be a waste of time... clearly my ex realized that”

“She didn’t appreciate you for how wonderful you are clearly, sounds like the dumbest pony I’ve ever heard of”

“She was pretty rude those last few months... I still can’t help but wonder if she came back, would I accept her? I don’t even know if I love her anymore... it makes me feel so sick just thinking about it” I move my forearm over my eyes.

“I’ll be here every step of the way Joey, until you love yourself as much as we love you”

“I don’t want to hurt anymore... I wish I was dead”

“Don’t say that!” She lifts her head to face me. “You don’t actually want that, your just tired of hurting not living. You just have to trust me that things will get better if you keep going”

My voice cracks as tears spill over the side of my face, my eyes still covered by my forearm. “I’m trying... I really am”

“Then that’s all that matters, I know you can get through this. Your the toughest pony I know” I’m unable to deny her last statement, focusing too much toward not breaking down in front of the pony laying atop of me.

Neither of us speak for the rest of the night, only the crackling of the fireplace fills the silence as we lay there until we both fall asleep. When I wake up it’s the morning, the short hand of the clock around 11. I get up noticing the distinct lack of Pink pony and a terrible case of my morning sickness. I spot a note left on the coffee table beside me.

‘I have to go to work, sorry for leaving without telling you but you were so sleepy! Anyway I’ll be back later tonight, I have to tell the Cakes about me moving out and prepare my things. I’m super excited to be roommates with you! I can’t wait for all the exciting adventures we will go on!’
~Love Pinkie

I snort, “adventures? I’m the most boring, antisocial being in this world” I shrug my shoulders and head to the bathroom to shower for the day, the smell of cotton candy overwhelming floods my nose. After cleaning up and dressing myself I start to head toward my room in order to read something to pass the time as a knock comes from my door. Heading over I peek out the window to see my visitor, it’s Princess Celestia herself.

Shit! She probably here to bring me in for killing that pony

My heart rate increases as I shakily reach for the door knob. Opening it to see the white monarch standing elegantly at my doorstep. She smiles, “Good morning Joey Marshall! Would you mind my company for a bit?” She said my full name, I’m fucked!

8 Roommates

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Here I am, sweating profusely while sitting on a loveseat, Princess Celestia walking behind me observing my new home for the first time. My face tells it all, I’m terrified, the monarchs sudden arrival could only be explained as she uncovered the truth, the culprit of that stallions suicide. I give a sideways glance over to the Princess, she currently admires a painting I’d had purchased recently, it’s an image of the spot I had originally arrived here at. It was something I wanted done so that I never forgot where things started here, a local artisan was willing and I paid the fee.

“Is this not a lovely painting? Why it reminds me of my fillyhood, time spent running through fields with Luna, my family had a small home in the country, this of course many moons ago” She reminisces her past as I stand there wondering if this is my cue to take her out now, like Jesse James going to fix his painting yet I had no weapon holstered and she was no Jesse James.

“I-it’s where I first arrived here... the very same spot. I paid to have it painted like 2 weeks ago” I try not to seem nervous as I speak. Truthfully I’m not much of an art person, the picture is more for sentimental value than aesthetic.

Celestia replies with a simple ‘hmm’ and takes her focus away from the painting toward me. “How has Ponyville been to you Marshall? Do my ponies treat you well? And how goes your luck with building friendships?” Curiously observant, she stares toward me, her confidence clear as she does not sway from making eye contact, talk about serious.

“It’s been great! Everypony makes sure to avoid making me feel uncomfortable, and for my friendship luck... well I guess I’m pretty close to the girls but, not many ponies outside of that” I say while reaching to the back of my neck. I try not to be caught up in my lie attempting to come off as natural as possible.

She stares at me with a smirk before sitting down across from me. “I sense your nervousness, maybe it’s best we get to the point.There’s word of a hexing bipedal creature in Ponyville, one that even attacked ponies. Young human, I have been ruling for too long to be deceived by white lies and I’m sure you know this as well. Why hide the mistreatment my ponies put upon you? I could make arrangements for your comfort at the word”

I sigh, “Look, I don’t want to come off as some sort of problem, I don’t mind ponies ignoring me or making up rumors but, I would mind being considered a liability for the ponies living here. Even though most the town hates me I still have friends here that I want to keep”

“This is understandable yet, you seem to waste the purpose of this home you sit in now. Why is it that you refuse to remove the collar Marshall? It’s effects will only damage you progressively worse if you continue to wear it without breaks”

“I’m sorry Celestia, I didn’t mean to make it seem I was ungrateful for this home”

“No you seem to be misunderstanding, I simply wish to make things as comfortable for you as I can as ruler. It is my job to make my subjects feel welcomed and loved, this home had more purpose than means of safety. The problem I face is figuring out why is it you persist on wearing the collar as often as you do? My sister says you even wear it as you sleep” Her look is of genuine curiosity.

Luna screwed me! Also how does she know I keep it on when I’m alone?

I cut to the chase, “Princess.... do you think I had something to do with that ponies suicide?” Facing her with fear in my eyes, knowing that the outcome of this answer could determine my future.

Looking away to the rest of my home she speaks with a softer tone, “I am unable to answer that yet” looking back to me saying, “perhaps you could help me understand what might your involvement been” Leaning in closer to me as she speaks.

I gulp, “Well...” Should I lie? She might be able to see through me however she has no idea I had contact with the pony before, although she might have an idea already of what happened given how bad I’m keeping my composure. I can’t afford to be caught in a lie with this and she definitely would find out eventually what occurred, probably from some spell I never even heard of. “H-He was an ice cream vendor me and Dash went to a-and I did come close to him but it was only for like two minutes”

The large Princess seemingly hovered over me with her proximity, only to back away in thought. “This was it correct? Just one occurrence?” I nod yes furiously. “Marshall even if this whole... incident was caused by your own magical illness, I couldn’t hold it against you if it was unintentional. We both know this problem is complicated and if your trying your best to avoid any issues with the ponies here then I will take no disciplinary action” I still sit there nervously looking to Celestial, she face hoofs, “That means I don’t blame you Joey. Course it was my own pupil who caused this, why should I blame you for the curse you’ve been stricken by?”

I take a deep breath, “I really didn’t mean to hurt anypony Celestia I swear. It was my first day with the collar and I was so embarrassed, I couldn’t find the strength to put it on yet” Pleading my case I’m met with a white hoof to my shoulder.

“All is forgiven just make sure to wear the collar around others until we can figure this issue out”

“I promise I will keep it on always” She looks at me with impatience.

“I also shall make a decree that you are to remove the collar when away from others, your harming yourself too much from this accident that occurred. I can see the guilt you carry, if you do not find peace with yourself you will only prolong your suffering” The look I’m met with can only be described as a caring mother who is worried of their child’s well-being, it’s disturbingly comforting.

“It feels wrong that I’m allowed to go unpunished though, I probably caused that ponies death Celestia! It’s not fair that I should get to keep living after he lost his chance to”

“While it is extremely misfortunate a pony has perished under my supervision from his own hoof, I am unable to punish you for something that even I struggle with understanding. Prove to that pony that your life is worth living and make something of it if you truly believe you are in his debt however, I will not allow this mistreatment toward yourself to continue. I will have my sister make sure you follow through with my decree Marshall. Learn to find peace with yourself, your not at all a bad pony”

“Person” I correct her.

“Person. Mistakes are unavoidable in life, it’s what we learn from them that’s important. Even I have much to learn still, my own worst mistake one I had with my sister...” Celestia’s saddens and she looks to the window.

“I appreciate your concern... I’ll try to be useful with the life I have, it’s the least I can do”

“Yes, we all try” Her smile coming back. “I believe that I have done enough talking, I apologize for going on for so long. Enjoy your day young human, and if need be it I shall be one letter away” Celestia’s horn starts to light up, her form dissipating before me. “Oh before I go, I heard of your incident with that farmer, do avoid any fighting. I am here for protecting my ponies and that includes you so if there is any more mistreatment you just contact me, I would like to avoid violence amongst my ponies”

She gives a serious glare that sends shivers down my spine. “I’ll try... and why didn’t you teleport here before?”

She giggles, “There is such a thing as privacy, I couldn’t just appear in ones home at random. Perhaps I could share a story with you next time of such mistake”

Just before she fades away into smoke I’m able to reply, “I’d like that” which brings a smile to the large princess. Her previous location now stands empty besides a cloud of smoke that fades away into the air.

I wish I could teleport

Moving on from my desires, I sit back down wondering what to make of my day, the royal surprise mixing things up already. Struggling to put together an idea, I decide to think about it over some breakfast. Enjoying Equestria’s equivalent to Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Cinamini Snacks, I let yesterday’s disaster come to mind. Rubbing at my wrist, guilt of my actions toward Dash invade my conscience. I need to apologize.

With my plan for the day now assembled, I cover myself in an assortment of warm clothes to take on the coming winter that lives outside. Moving my beanie into a comfortable position I walk outside to begin my search for Ponyvilles fastest resident. Although I’ve never seen Rainbow Dash’s home, I’ve heard her talk about it being made of clouds, moving constantly to different locations of her choice. As I think about it, there’s really no way for me to find it, I oughta ask for Fluttershy’s help seeing as she’s a Pegasus like Dash.

After walking down the aged dirt path that leads to Shy’s place I reach the cottage, walking over to its large form. I’m not sure if I’ve said this before but Fluttershy has the largest of all the girls homes I’ve been to, it’s shape somewhat circular yet robust and tall. If I remember correctly, it’s very well furnished inside as well. Approaching the door, I knock three times and wait for a response, hopefully the timid pony is home.

After a few seconds of waiting the door is slowly pulled open barely revealing the yellow pony within. “H-hi Joey, what’s going on?” She asks with a raised brow. She always seems embarrassed at first whenever I see her but, given some time she always warms up to me, giving her full undivided attention.

“H-hey, d-do y-you mind if I-I c-come in?” Shivering as I speak. To tell the truth, I like the cold more than the blistering heat of summer even if I freeze easily.

“Of course!” Shy exclaims suddenly, realizing my discomfort. She pulls me inside, warming up a cup of coffee for me. “I know it’s around lunch time but I know your a late riser, so I thought I’d make you some coffee to help warm up” She says with a smile while bringing me the cup, creamer and sugar included as well.

I’d hate to deny Fluttershy’s nice gesture as I don’t like coffee all that much but, seeing how she went to the trouble worrying about me I could take this one for the team. “Thanks” I say, taking a sip from the mug.

Ugh, so bitter even with the sugar and cream. I don’t get how people enjoy this, must be an acquired taste

Although the flavor hitting my tongue screams abort, I drink a healthy amount of the serving without a reaction. “So... how have you... um been Joey?” Shy asks timidly, with a blush on her face. She’s bad at small talk like your boy here.

“I’m fine, actually I was wondering if you could help me find Dash today. Ya see I have something important to talk to her about and I don’t really know how to get a hold of her, she usually just finds me” I move the mug to my face pretending to take a drink.

“Well... she has her cloud home but in the winter she doesn’t stay there. It’s too cold. Actually um... the funny thing is, she lives with me during the winter” Her hoof rubbing a circle into the floor as she explains.

“That’s perfect! Where is she now?” I look around the house for signs of the tomboy Pegasus. Shy starts to look sad at hearing my question.

“She umm... wasn’t feeling too well yesterday and said she was going to her parents for a few days” Aaand now I feel like shit. “Joey are you.. are you okay?”

I stand up wondering how I’m to fix my mistake, rubbing my hand through my hair. “Yea... I’m fine, by the way Pinkie is moving in with me. We thought it was a good idea so she could save some money and I could get some help with fixing up my place” I attempt to change the subject away from me, moving around the room observing her photos as I speak.

“Really? That’s wonderful! Two of my best friends are now going to be my neighbor, this is exciting!” Shy’s sudden outburst surprises me at first, a smile grows across my face at her excitement. “The girls always found it hard to come over often because my cottage is so out of the way but now I have friends close enough for weekly tea parties!” She giddily stomps her hooves.

It’s dangerously adorable seeing a pony act this way, it reminds me of the general innocence of most ponies. “You consider me a best friend huh?”

She gives me a funny look, “Of course Joey! Your so nice, and caring, plus you love animals too!”

I chuckle, “Besides bears, yes I like animals... and reptiles, they’re unpredictable”

Fluttershy giggles, “You just don’t know how to read them, they’re just like any other animal once you get to know them” I laugh at her explanation, the absurdity of getting to know a non sentient being ridiculous in my eyes. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing... nothing heh, your just silly Shy” She blushes, confused of what I mean. I pat her head, “Maybe when your older I’ll tell ya”

“I’m older than you!”

“Eh, maybe” I wink.

“Well I will tell Dash when she comes back that you want to see her”

“Thanks Shy, that’d be super cool”

Shy giggles, “You sound like Dashie”

“I do? She’s rubbing off onto me.... I have to be more careful before she makes me gay!” While in her confused state after what I had just said, I head to the door of Fluttershy’s cottage. “See ya Shy! Thanks for the coffee!” She still remained there attempting to reboot her brain.

Now what? Maybe Twilights? I haven’t spent time with my boy Spike in a while either

Surprised by my sudden energy today, I push my confusion to the side appreciating the abnormal occurrence, making my way to the Ponyville library. It’s best I take advantage of the way I feel right now otherwise when I start feeling like shit again I’ll never get anything done.

My path takes me through the outskirts of Ponyville. Even with the decreased traffic through the town I’d still like to avoid any unwanted attention. The yellowish tan of each home becomes monotonous, very few differences distinguishing them apart, their similarities are almost enough to make it seem like your walking in circles if you were not paying attention. There is however, a few decorations of pumpkins and other Nightmare Night themed objects, one home even carrying a painted image of Luna’s former self, the large dark pony barred her sharp fangs. I’m able to see most the detail given that it’s still light outside, the recent days becoming shorter making it even more difficult for me to get tasks done. Specially with my new routine of waking up late since the move from Twilights.

Rounding the corner I come upon the large tree home, it’s familiarity stirs a welcoming feel, almost like returning home from a long trip. I reach the door and pull on the knocker, it’s detail that of a lion holding the metal bar within its mouth. After a few knocks and a brief period of waiting I’m greeted by my scaly pal Spike, he lights up at my presence before quickly attempting to play it cool.

“Oh, hey Joey, how’s the new place going?” Spikes attempt to hide his excitement fails miserably, I mercifully spare him this time however.

“Pretty great, pretty great.... just was in town and thought I should stop in for a moment and say hi, it’s been uh.. a bit since we last hung out” I’m a little flustered at my broken promise to stay in touch, besides a few times I quickly came over for help or other small errands I’ve really been a stranger to my former roommates.

“Your probably busy with moving in and all I’m sure. You should come in, Twilight would love to see you, she was telling me yesterday about some book she wanted to talk to you about”

I walk in past the small drake making my way into the library, looking around for Twi. Spike tells me she’s up in the other room organizing some new books that had come in today. Heading through the door leading into the living section of the home I’m met with a large pile of fresh books along with a nerdy Twilight glossing over one before stamping it with her mark and placing into the pile beside her. She glances over, tilting her glasses down and brightens up at her recognition.

“Hey! What brings you back so soon? Did you already read the journal?” She continues to work away at the next book as I walk over and pull up a seat next to her.

“Yea I did, it was interesting but I feel like it gave me more questions than answers. I mean that pony that originally had it affected pony DNA, and I’m not exactly a pony. I don’t understand why I’d carry the same problem he did, what connects us? Also that Prance pony might have been a carrier as well and my magic set it off or something” Twilight puts the book she’s working on to the side.

“For your question on your connection to him, I don’t know. That stallion that you and Dash met however, is currently under autopsy, I’m sure we could get an answer for your second question after that. And Joey... please don’t blame yourself, I’m sure Celestia has met with you already about your collar” Giving me a look of empathy.

I sigh, “I’ll try but no promises, I can’t exactly change the way I feel”

“That’ll have to do for now, so do you have any other questions?” Going back to scanning over the book for imperfections.

“Hmm, how’ve you and Spike been without me? I bet it’s pretty boring around here without all of-“ I move my hand over my figure, “-this” and give a goofy smile.

Twi laughs a little, “You weren’t exactly the type of pony to get into trouble when you were here so I’d say things are about the same but we’ve missed your company”

“There’s no need to butter me- wait what? That’s it!? We’re taking about the only human in Equestria sister, not some goldfish you flushed down the drain. I was the energy when I lived here, the spark!” I give my speech with heart.

“Ha, Joey you didn’t wake up earlier than 1 for the first week and a half here” She has a valid point.

“Doesn’t change the fact that when I’m awake, the train is in the station and everypony has got tickets to a one way trip to.... shit I don’t know... I was the glue that held us together!” (Ever walk into a sentence and not know where your going?)

Twilight stops for a moment to think, “I’ll give you... the spirit of the team, how about that?”

“I’ll take it, well deserving of course. Joking aside, I’m sorry I haven’t been around that much, I promised to stay in touch”

“No no, your fine most of the girls and I hang out a few times a month anyway, everypony is busy around this time of year but we all meet up for the upcoming holidays!” Twilight smiles in excitement at the thought of being with her friends.

“Luna told me about the one coming up, um... Nightmare Night. It’s pretty much the same thing as something we have on Earth beside the whole return of an evil pony of course”

“Really? Well tell me about it!” Twilight quickly swaps the book she was working on to her notebook on Anthropology, I told her the word.

“Alright, it’s uh, a holiday of course and we wear costumes and give out candy. It’s for younger people like kids, but sometimes adults get into the action as well with things like cosplay or other sultry activities. I believe it’s origin comes from the Spanish, based on the ‘day of the dead’ I forget what it’s called in it’s native tongue” Twilight furiously scribbles down everything I say.

“What or who is ‘the Spanish’?”

“Another culture or race from my own, they speak a different language but, it’s generally not that much different than my own. I can speak a few words but never hold a conversation. Would you like an example?”

“Please?”

“So if I wanted to say, ‘what is your name’ I would ask, Cómo te llamas? You would respond with, ‘me llamo’ and then your name”

“Hm, that sounds awfully familiar to the way ponies speak in Pexico”

of course it does....

“Anyways that’s about all that’s important when it comes to Halloween, most of the pumpkins and scary stuff is the same” Twilight gives me a look of confusion.

“Hallow-ween? Is that the name?”

I face palm, “Sorry yes, I can’t believe I forgot to say that”

“Well this was really insightful, I’m sure learning about your culture could help us find a way to get you home” She seems optimistic but my attitude differs.

“I won’t hold my breathe” We sit there for a few seconds in silence before Spike barges in, spotting us quickly.

“Spike you need to watch the front for any visitors, I’ll switch places with you in a bit” Spike continues toward us ignoring her concern.

“It’s fine Twi, it’s been a slow day and Joeys over. I put the ‘on break’ sign up just in case” This news dismisses Twilights worry.

She gives in without struggle, “Alright fine”

“So what’s going on with the big guy huh? Anything interesting?”

I shrug my shoulders, “Nah, nothing really, I mean Pinkie is moving in with me for the foreseeable future”

Spike stares in confusion while Twilight lifts her head, “How come? Lonely without me and Spikes company? I mean I’m sure your a little used to having somepony around now”

“That’s not it, Pinkie thought it was a good idea to help me with taking care of my place and in return she wouldn’t have to pay to live with me. It’s a win-win ya know?” My lie has some solid reasoning and works easily as the both of them look to each other before nodding.

“Makes sense but, Pinkie really is a handful though. I hope you understand what you’ve gotten yourself into”

“Spike you shouldn’t talk about Pinkie like that, sure she’s got a lot of energy but, she’s very considerate. I’m sure Joey is completely aware of the situation” She smiles to me as she says this.

I nod in agreement, “Yea, plus we get along pretty well. Even though we have differing lifestyles, I think we respect each other, it’s like the saying opposites attract”

Spike grins for a moment, “So your saying you think she’s attractive?”

I give Spike a glare, “And are you and Rarity any closer than when I left?” His grin is replaced with frustration.

“We were not talking about me and Rarity!” A puff of smoke fumes out of his nostrils as he pouts.

Me and Twilight share a laugh at the drakes expense. “Well maybe you need a pointer or two. Also how old even are you Spike, is she even in your age range?”

“Of course she is, I’m 18! That’s plenty old enough for dragons”

I look to Twilight for confirmation, she answers without looking away from her book, “Dragons are considered mature at 16 even though they can live for thousands of years. Also Rarity is 25, and the age of consent for ponies is 21 so what he’s saying is technically true” I look back to Spike, his face beaming with validation.

“What make you think Rarity sees you as mature enough? You heard Twilight say the age of consent for ponies is 21, she might see you as a minor” He thinks for a moment before deflating.

“I... I never thought about it that way. She does always treat me like I’m a kid still” Spikes previous confidence now shot.

“It could just be the way you look honestly, I thought you were like 13 or something with how prepubescent you look” He shoots me and angry look. “Hey listen that’s not my fault, when do dragons start to grow?”

Twilight charms up again, “After a few decades, somewhere around their 20s and 30s but, if a dragon were to have a larger hoard, they would grow accordingly to its size”

“Hoard?”

Spike answers this time, “My own personal stash or belongings. Think stories of dragons having large piles of treasure that they protect, it’s all based on real history”

I keep a confused look even after his answer, “But how does having more shit translate to growing?”

“Pfft magic silly, dragons need to be large enough to protect their possessions so they grow using their own genetic magic” Twilight answers my question as if it was something I should have already known, I give her a deadpanned look. “Oh yeah... I forgot, hehe”

“So if we get you a large enough hoard you’ll grow right?”

Twilight pipes up suddenly, “Hold on now, we’ve already had a problem like this before you came here Joey, Spike has a problem controlling his urges the larger he gets so it isn’t a good idea getting him a hoard” Spike looks away a little embarrassed.

“What if it was just enough to make him grow a little Twi? I me-“

“No, absolutely not. It’s too dangerous”

I sit back into my chair in thought. “Listen dude, you don’t really have to help me, I’m sure Rarity sees me as a man how it is”

“That’s a great attitude Spike but something tells me Rarity wants a more masculine figure and I think we can find a way to make you just that” Spike tilts his head in confusion.

“How’s that?”

“What if you consider Rarity your hoard? Like if she agrees to be in a relationship, wouldn’t that mean technically you could consider her a part of your ‘treasure’ even if you don’t actually own her? That might make you grow enough to protect Rarity right?”

“Maybe but Spike might still be pulled by uncontrollable urges if it works and I don’t know if that’s safe or what to expect”

“Don’t be a party pooper Twi, I’ll take full responsibility for anything that happens”

“And how do you plan on stopping Spike once he becomes larger then you?”

I pause for a moment, “Well I happen to know this purple pony that is super good with magic and I’m sure she could help get me out of a jam” I give a huge toothy smile, Twilight face hooves.

“Listen I am-“

“I’ll be your test subject for an entire week if something goes wrong AND I’ll tell you anything you want to know about Earth for as long as you want for one day” She sits there considering the offer. “I’ll buy you those caramel chocolates you like at Sugar Cube Corner as well....”

“Alright alright but you stop this whole experiment if things get even slightly out of control, you here me?”

“Yes ma’am!” I give her a salute and turn to Spike. “I’m a little busy with Pinkie moving in this week so next week we will come together with a plan to win Rarities heart alright? I call this operation ‘Prince Charming’ except instead of you becoming a person from frog you just get a little bigger” I raise my fist to the dragon for a bump.

“Ugh, this sounds like your going to cause more trouble for me then good...” Spike meets my fist hesitantly.

“All right!” I jump from my seat with a fist pump. “Also I have to wait for Pinkie to get done with work today so is there anything I could help you two with until then?”

The next few hours went by in a hurry as I was back to my original job of helping Twilight and Spike run the library like old times accept old times were only a month ago. Just as I am about to leave, Twilight pulls me to the side.

“What’s up?” I say with a hand on my hip and a raised brow. Twilight fiddles with her hoof for a bit before building up the courage to speak.

“Listen... about the day you moved out, when we... when I tried to um..”

I cut her off, “Hey look, I get it. You felt guilty for me and didn’t want me to leave right? I understand that you were desperate in the moment and were worried about me, I think it’s best if we forget it ever happened” I offer a small smile.

Twilight returns me one as well but I could tell there was more on her mind, “Yea... okay, that’s probably the right thing to do” We stand there for a little longer until I feel like I should go stepping toward the door only to be pulled by my arm.

Looking back to see Twilight holding my sleeve with her magic, she stares away from me blushing. “Just... be careful okay?”

“Of course” My answer releases her grip allowing me to head to the door. Twilight is always worrying about me, I wish I could get her to realize how pointless that is.

After waving them both goodbye and heading outside, I look to Ponyville and it’s now darkened appearance, the night falling over with only the moon to illuminate my path in this part of town. I head toward Sugar Cube Corner, my breath visible in the cold air yet there was stillness in the night, no wind or sound beside the occasional hoot of an owl. I gain some distance from the library before I realize I’m being trailed by three small fillies, I recognize the one as Rainbow’s pupil or admirer, her coat orange with a purple mane. I quickly turn and face their way causing them to jump behind the nearby building.

“Hey! What are you fillies planning over there? You know it’s not nice to stalk peo- ponies!”

I hate referring to myself as a pony, it just seems illogical that with all these other species that they wouldn’t have another term for all

One of the fillies is pushed out from their hiding spot, her eyes filled with fear as she is now visible to me, it’s the orange one. She walks over slowly to me and stops short by about 5 feet. “M-mister H-human... I w-was wondering I-if you knew w-where Rainbow D-Dash is... y-you know her right?”

I squat down to her level, “Yea, me and her are friends” I say with a smile, “She’s at her parents for a few days but she’ll be back after that. Your her pupil or whatever right? What’s your name?”

“S-scootaloo...”

“Well Scootaloo, there’s no need for you and your friends to be scared of me, I’m a cool guy just ask Dash when she comes back”

“Actually... she’s t-told me about you before” She sits there awkwardly before speaking up again, “Is it t-true that you curse p-ponies?”

I chuckle, “Heh, no. I can’t do any magic, the only thing I can really do is give a mean hug and keep Dash from getting too full of herself”

And hurt her feelings

She giggles a little, “Dash is super cool though isn’t she?” Her mentioning of Dash lights her up, completely removing any fear she might have had before.

“I mean, kinda but don’t let her know I said that okay? I’ll never hear the end of it” She pretends to zip her lips and I reach out my fist toward her for a bump. She stares for a moment not knowing what to do.

“Hoof bump, just hit my fist” She does, punching a little harder than I would’ve liked but I ignore it giving her a smile. “I have to go now, I’m going to be late to helping out my friend. You be careful and tell your friends that it’s rude to believe in rumors without asking the person yourself okay?”

She nods before running off back to her friends, they leap from their hiding spot joining her in a trot opposite from where I’m heading.

Scootaloo... Scootaloo, orange, orange scooter? No... that would only make sense if she rode a scooter. I don’t know, I’ll just try to remember her name

Oh the ignorance I had of not knowing Scootaloo’s actual skill of riding scooters, only if I knew, it would have made remembering her name much easier but my inability to remember names is a pointless endeavor to speak anymore about anyway.

After reaching my destination, the large gingerbread designed shop, I came up to the entrance noticing the sign had read ‘closed’, was I too late? I knock on the door and wait, my action causes a muffled stir from inside. The door starts to move, a pony’s voice greeting me as it swings open.

“Sorry, we’re closed silly didn’t you re-“ Pinkie stops mid sentence after realizing it’s me. “Joey! What are you doing here? I said I’d be back after my work! I still have to get all my stuff packed, my party bag together, say goodbye to the cakes, throw away things I don’t need-“ I shush the pony with my finger.

“I’m here to help! I’m sure this isn’t something you can just do alone Pinkie, even with all you mysterious tricks” I wave my fingers all spooky like.

“That’s super duper nice of you Joey but I could have done this by myself, I’m a full grown pony now!” She proudly states.

“You sure are but I doubt you could carry all of your stuff in one trip, it’s the least I can do for keeping my secret” Her tone switches to a serious one just for a moment.

“It was a Pinkie promise, I had no choice silly” She lights back up, “We better get started now though, it’s already crazy late and I haven’t even cleaned up yet from work!” She pulls me inside in a rush, quickly heading up the stairs. “I need to shower, can you go to my room and help put away some of my things?”

“Sure” I follow after her stopping at her room as the pink pony continues down the hall.

Stepping inside I see her formerly discolored bedsheet was now indeed Pink, I hadn’t been in here since that time I helped Pinkie for the day. Pinkies party bag sat there against the wall near the entrance, it’s appearance encumbered by the weight of many party utensils and various other strange tools like a folded up unicycle. Lifting it to test its weight I’m surprised by the lack of resistance, either I’m really strong or this thing is magically enhanced cause it sure doesn’t look light.

Moving on from the bag, I look to see Pinkies closet, it’s probably best I leave her to sorting out her clothes. Even if ponies wear them only in special occasions, it’s probably still against somepony’s privacy to go searching through their clothes. I settle for searching through her shelves and cupboards for extra things she could take, things like knickknacks and photos. I place most of her things into a duffel bag she has next to her closet, making use of the side pockets so she could excess the main compartment for her clothes.

I pause as I grab one of her photos, it’s of Pinkie of some desolate farm with a few other ponies with much darker coats than her own. Pinkies bright colors stand out like a lighthouse peaking through the mist during a frightful storm. Who are these ponies? I save my question for later, stuffing the picture into the bag, then look into her nightstand for anything of use. I’m surprised to see a plastic container, it’s appearance oddly familiar to a pill bottle. Further inspection reveals that it is indeed one and even has a prescription for Pinkie, the description reads something familiar to a ADHD medication but, the bottle is empty and the date is a few years old.

The door to Pinkies room opens suddenly, the culprit rushes in to see me holding the bottle in my hand. “I knew it! My left hoof was getting all itchy!” Pinkie heads over to me taking the bottle from my hand, her fur still damp and her mane more puffed than normal.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to snoop around I mean I just found it and was curious so-“

“Joey can you Pinkie promise you won’t tell anypony?” She gives me a desperate look. I can’t say no after everything she has promised me already.

“I promise, cross my heart something something something, stick some cake in my eye” She smiles a bit at my slaughter of a pinkie promise.

“I used to take that medication when I first moved to Ponyville from my family’s rock farm but, it made me really really sad so I stopped taking it. I kept the bottle all this time just in case but, I don’t think I’ll ever need it anyway” She throws it away after saying this and gives me a toothy smile.

“You lived on a rock farm? How do you grow rocks? Who eats rocks?” Confusion rises in my voice with each question.

Pinkie laughs at my reaction, “No pony eats rocks, dough Joe, and we don’t grow them either! We collect em up from the field and bring them back to the barn for breaking down and processing. We sell the different types of rock to all types of buyers from across Equestria, my family is pretty well off” She starts going through her closet as she talks. “I didn’t like it that much as you can tell, so I moved to Ponyville in search of something new. Eventually I found my job at Sugar Cube Corner and found my love for sweets!” She happily exclaims while placing her hoofs to both sides of her face.

“It’s nice to see you found something you love, and dough Joe is a terrible nickname”

Pinkie turns to face me, her thinking cap on... literally she’s wearing a hat with a lightbulb on top... wait lightbulbs don’t exist here! As I’m about to question her, the light on top her hat lights up as she comes to an eureka, tossing the hat to the side.

“I know, I know! What about... bro Joe, or slow Joe cause your slow! Or maybe toe Joe cause you got toes and we don’t or-“

“Pinkie please just stop, I have so many questions”

“But I neeeed a nickname for you, every pony I know has one!” She pouts giving me her best puppy eyes.

“My name is already short enough, I don’t see how a nickname is needed I mean you already call me Joey” I sit down on her bed as Pinkie goes through her wardrobe.

“Fine but I’m not giving up yet, I will find one eventually”

There’s a few things that she goes through that seem regular however, she occasionally pulls out something strange like a bee keeper suit or a phantom of the opera mask. It’s probably best just to keep my questions to myself as asking Pinkie will only create more than I started with. We continue to talk for a bit as she gathers the last of her things, then hands me some bags of her stuff to carry downstairs. We make a pile near the entrance for when we head out, Pinkie rented a carriage to help carry everything over to my place as well.

“Well that seems to be it” I say slapping my hands together in order to shake off any imaginary dust I had.

“Thank you Joey! I need to say goodbye to the Cakes for tonight and thank them for letting me stay with them. If the carriage pulls up before I’m back just take everything outside for me” I give an okay and watch her head into the back of the store.

I sit on a bench at the entrance zipping up the coat that is over my hoodie, it’s size more of a fall variety than winter but the layers I’m wearing more than make up for it. Looking outside I notice lantern light approaching the shop. Stopping at the entrance, a brown stallion waits next to it wearing a bowler hat, his face carrying a black mustache with a small patch below his lip. This must be the carriage. I take the bags closest to me and head outside to the stallion, he turns to look at me with uncertainty.

“Um, are you with Pinkie Pie?” His voice is deep and gravely.

“Yea, she’s inside saying goodbye” The stallion reaches to take the bag for me but, I pull back. “I can carry her stuff out” He shrugs and heads back to the front of the carriage, sitting down while lighting something similar to a cigarette.

I’ve never seen a cigarette here before. Are they even legal?

The stallions disregard for me noticing seems to answer my question however, who knows given his lackluster attitude, he might just not care. I take a few trips back and forth before I get everything, the last trip greeted by Pinkie wiping away a few tears as she heads in my direction.

“Emotional goodbye?” I ask.

“They’ve been super duper nice and helpful with everything, I’m just so thankful for them” She sniffs, following me as I take the last bag.

We walk to the carriage just as the stallion puts out his smoke, prepping for the trip. “Nice to see you Miss Pie, always a pleasure” He reminds me of some type of old western cowboy in the way he talks and carries himself.

“Thank you Trusty for helping out on such a short notice, it really was a spur of the moment decision” She stops at the step leading up to the carriage.

“Anything for you Miss Pie, ever since ya helped with my little fillies birthday it’s the least I could do for ya” He turns back to the road.

Pinkie hops up into the carriage and I follow behind, the inside rather snug for a being of my size. “Little tight” I say wincing, shifting to try and get comfortable. “Beats walking though”

She giggled at my odd posture. “Sorry Joey, they don’t have carriages large enough for you in Ponyville. The ones in Canterlot are really big though, you could fit in one of those!”

“What is Canterlot exactly, like I know it’s the capital or something but is it just a bunch of snooty nobles or more like a diverse city?”

“Hmm, snooty nobles really but, there’s a bunch of places to shop and eat!” Her excitement makes it believable.

“Maybe one day I’ll go there and check things out” I say, pulling aside the curtain to look outside at where we are.

The ride isn’t that long before we reach my place, the stallion really pulled us the whole way on his own. Remind me not to fight another pony again that isn’t inebriated. We get off and move Pinkie’s things into my place. I also slip the stallion a large tip for helping out when Pinkie isn’t looking.

“Thanks dude, just don’t tell Pinkie I gave you this”

He chuckles, “My lips are sealed pal”

I turn back to my house but stop for a second, “Hey is that thing you smoked illegal here? I’ve never seen a pony smoking before?”

His eyes widen a little, “Listen, I use them just to keep calm alright. They’re called smoke sticks and yes they’re illegal and frowned upon. Celestia banned them not too long ago when it was found out they can make you sick”

I dismiss his worry, “No your fine man, you do you. I was just curious is all, have a goodnight”

“Thank you Mr....?”

“Call me Joey” I reach my hand out for a hoofshake which he obliged.

“Alright Joey, you have a nice night as well” His pronunciation of my name awkward to his tongue but otherwise okay.

I head inside to meet with Pinkie as Trusty heads off with the carriage. He seems like a nice pony the more I talked to him, I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover next time... truthfully I should already know better by now. Closing the door behind me, a few of Pinkies bags still remained at the entrance, glancing down the hallway to my left I see candle light coming from the guest room. Bringing over the last bags I toss them behind the Pink pony working meticulously through her clothes, I lean against the door frame.

“So.. this room nice enough? I could paint it pink if you want, I know how you like everything pink” I scratch my neck. “Based off your room and all...”

“No this is fine, it’s your place anyways and my room with the Cakes was that collar when I moved in, what a coincidinky!” The last word completely made up from combining the two words coincidence and dinky.

“If your fine with the mint green walls that’s good with me, this collar is supposed to be calming or at least that’s what I was told”

“I like it! It’s like we’re living in a mint chocolate chip ice cream home with the trim looking all chocolatey! Ooo maybe we should get mint scented candles and dress up as mints for Nightmare Night!” She starts scribbling her plans sloppily onto a notepad with a marker.

“Yeaaa I don’t know about me dressing up for that, I’m a little too old for that stuff now plus isn’t that a fillies holiday anyways?” Pinkie turns to me with shock.

“WHAT!?! NO! It’s for ponies of ALL ages and everypony dresses up in super cool costumes and gets to eat all the candy they want! Also you have to watch out for Nightmare Moon as well, she’s always on the prowl” Pinkie glances around the room as if Luna could hear her.

“Pinkie you can eat all the candy you want everyday, your just using this holiday as an excuse but, to be fair lots of humans did too”

“You forgot to mention the costumes though, that’s the best part! And at the end of the night, the town has a contest for best costume and I’ve never won before but you never know, this could be the year!” She seems incredibly excited for this, giddily laughing to herself like a little school filly.

“Good luck with that” I start to walk away but am dragged back by Pinkies hoof.

“Hey wait a minute! You can’t not dress up on Nightmare Night, we have to get you a costume! It’s criminal not to wear anything” She pleads.

“I’ll be wearing something alright, my own normal clothes like an adult. That doesn’t mean I won’t give out candy though, I remember how awesome it was to get a large sized candy bar from some stranger just cause I wore some stupid outfit” Pinkie looks offended at my words.

“They’re not stupid, you wouldn’t understand being an alien and all, maybe you should try it out this year and see if you feel different” Giving her best puppy eyes for the second time today. It breaks my will this time, the wall put up only strong enough for one stare a day.

“Alright alright, but I get to choose” Pinkie starts to leap up and down excitedly.

“Of course! Oooo I can’t wait I’m so excited! We can go do all the events as well at town square like the apple dipping and pumpkin launching!” I shake my head in disbelief of my lack of resolve.

As if I didn’t already have enough problems, now I have to figure out a costume idea

Pinkie and I spend the next hour getting most of her stuff unpacked and settled into her new room. After preparing her bed for the night we both lie down for a moment across each other on the bed. I stare up and the ceiling, thinking of what to say to Dash when I see her again.

“Are you feeling okay Joey?” Pinkie pipes up.

“I’m okay... yea I’m fine” I answer tiredly, the collars restraint finally catching back up to me since I had taken it off the other day. “I just feel like laying around for a bit”

Pinkie flips herself around and crawls up next to me, her face a foot away from mine. “You should take the collar off, I know it’s the reason you feel so icky all the time” Her eyes showing concern.

I think back to what Celestia had said earlier, I had no choice in the matter at this point. I undo the collars buckle and pull it off my neck, setting it aside atop the bed stand. I look back to Pinkie, her facial expression much more relaxed now than before, eyes half lidded with a small smile.

“Doesn’t it feel better to take it off?”

I frown, “Physically it does but emotionally? No I feel like it’s wrong not to wear it, especially after what I did...”

Pinkie hugs my face into her chest, scratching my head slowly with her hoof, it’s not as comfortable as a humans touch but I’m not complaining. My senses are overwhelmed with Pinkie, her freshly shampoo’d fur smelled of cherry, her warm embrace wrapped around my head, it would be very easy to fall asleep like this even with my insomnia.

Pinkie begins to whisper to me gently, “I think your a great pony, I can tell if a pony has a good heart you know”

I reply muffled against her body, “Yhea, how’s thwat?” I give into her embrace fully letting myself go limp.

“It comes with experience, I mean I throw parties everyday for ponies and I know everypony in Ponyville as well. Trust me, your one of the sweetest ponies I’ve met”

“Nhot a pwony”

She giggles, “Shh, you don’t get to decide that now, it’s too late” I give one exhale of a laugh, snuggling into Pinkie tighter. I could give one hell of a raspberry right now but, I don’t want this moment to end.

Time passes before I wake up, checking my surroundings. I’m still on Pinkies bed with her asleep next to me, her body still in the same spot it was before. I look to the clock on the wall and see it’s a little past when I usually go to bed so I tuck Pinkie into bed and head off into my own room forgetting about the collar. I’m half awake anyways so falling back asleep once I take my medication comes easy. My mind already at ease, I fade into the the dreamscape.

Almost like waking up, I’m suddenly jolted upward into a cloud like realm, boundless without any sort of ceiling or floor. Instead of falling, I remain balanced on the invisible floor beneath me with a fog around my legs. From the distance I see a figure swooping down toward me, it’s Luna.

“What’s up Lulu?” She lands close and moves my chin to the side expecting my neck, It’s collarless.

“It’s a pleasant surprise to see thou without the collar, and what caused this change of heart?” She asks innocently.

“Your scary sister that’s what. She said you’d check on me in my sleep but I don’t see how my form now in... wherever we are would tell you anything about if I’m wearing it or not” My skepticism clear.

“We have brought thou... you before me in an unchanged shape from when you began your sleep. The way you are here is the way you are in Equestria” She seems proud of her special ability, grinning happily.

“I guess that’s pretty cool but, I still feel like a little kid being watched by his parent to make sure he brushes his teeth. I’d like some trust here”

Luna smirks, “Does thou not wish to use this opportunity to speak with me? We could spend our time elsewhere in the-“

“No, it’s fine... just, actually I need you anyway cause my collar was the only thing keeping the nightmares away”

“Yes, very true. We shall accompany you during your sleep in order to protect you”

“You can’t just stay with me though right? I mean there are other ponies that need you to beat up their nightmares or whatever you do to them as well”

Once again she seems pleased at my question as if she was waiting for me to ask. “Yes I believe I did tell you a fib before you see I am not actually presently here however, I am at the same time” I stare confused like a chimp. She giggles, “The Luna you see now isn’t my actual form rather there are several of myself spread throughout the dreamscape in order to ensure we can cover everypony’s dreams. Even though it is not my original conscience, think of it as some sort of clone able to replicate the exact actions I would take and share the memories with myself”

I take a moment to process what she says, “So this Lulu isn’t Lulu? Your like a reflection or something?”

“In a way yes” I walk up to her, placing my hand along the side of her face. I move in to plant a kiss before she blushes and shoves me backward. “TIS a joke Joey! We are the real Luna!”

I pick myself up blushing, “Wait, that was all a lie?”

She nods, still embarrassed by my gesture. “That was an elaborate ass lie!”

“Well even if we didn’t lie thou still would have kissed us! Let us not forget that!” We both stand there for a moment shocked before suddenly laughing. Luna brushes away a tear, “We should really get going though perverted human, enjoy thy slumber”

“Thanks Luna, and whenever you wanna talk, you can come over, I’ll always lend an ear for a friend” I say with a wink.

She smiles with a blush, “I would very much like that, we will take you up on that offer” I smile back and wave her off as she flys away, the realm around me darkens as I fall back into my mindless sleep.

**9 Nightmare Night

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It’s been a week since Pinkie has moved in and things have generally been normal... well as normal as they can be with Pinkie around. We managed to get her all moved in and comfortable without any hassle. After the first full day of Pinkie I was beat but, she has taken this role of supporting me well, always lending her hoof when I seem to get stressed out. She also pushes me to get up everyday, making me grow better habits along with providing me company, something I’m getting more comfortable with over time. Hopefully I don’t become reliant on her, my past relationship being similar to that once I convinced myself it was my purpose of living. It’s never a heathy relationship if you completely depend on the other person, it’s only breeding grounds for problems to come, a life lesson I took away.

Getting back to myself now rather than the past, today is a special day in Equestria for all pony kind, it’s Nightmare Night! Now I’m not a big Halloween type guy but, Pinkie is convinced that I should give their holiday a try, certain that I’ll enjoy it. Unlike the party pony I was unprepared up until last night where I reached a decision on my costume. I smile to myself as I glance over my appearance in the mirror, it’s exactly how I envisioned. Atop my head lay my Stetson hat from Applejack, my facial hair shaven down to look like a grizzled 5 o’clock shadow. The shirt I wear a black collared button up, engulfed by a black jacket with grizzly fur interior lining. The belt buckle that holds up my pants is large a silver face. Lastly the the back denim pants I wear are tucked at the bottom inside my shin high boots. I wanted to wear Spurs as well but logically there is no purpose of them in Equestria with the lack of horse riding making them nonexistent. With the help of Rarity with a few parts and Aj, it all came together swimmingly.

“Evenin’ ma’am” I practice my deep southern drawl. Yep, I’m a cowboy to any onlooker but I’d like to think of my costume as an outlaw. It’s childish I know but, Pinkie said to go all out and shit so I wasn’t going to hold back, if I don’t enjoy today then it’s not meant to be. I walk back into the living room to see Pinkie dressed up as a mummy, her body covered in several wraps of gauze leaving few facial features available.

“You look awesome Joey! Your like one of those pony western outlaws that robs trains and has standoffs with all the tumble weeds and stuff” See she gets it!

I chuckle, “I like your costume as well, it’s shameful I can’t see that cute pony face of yours under all that gauze though” flirting with Pinkie in an attempt to get her riled up.

“You shouldn’t joke like that silly, besides you’ll have a bunch of cuties out there tonight for you to look at instead!” My attempt fails to really get a reaction out of her, something I finding to be difficult the more time I spend with her.

What makes this pony embarrassed?

“Pinkie you know I’m not interested in a relationship right now correct? Plus I don’t even know how something like that would work, I’m kinda large to all of you and that’s not even mentioning the anatomical differences. I don’t even know if I could find a pony attractive” Pinkie frowns a little at my words.

“Love finds a way, I’m sure it does! Maybe you just need some time around ponies more, that way you could see us as something other than ponies”

The way she phrases it makes me sound xenophobic, “I find ponies cute but... sexual attractive? I haven’t felt anything close to that since I’ve been here” It’s at this point I finally realize the conversation were having, Pinkies lack of embarrassment makes talking about my sexual preferences almost seem normal. I blush quickly, “Can we talk about something else?”

“Okie dokie! What do you wanna talk about? We could go over what there’s to do when we get there or what the girls are planning to do...”

I stop her mid thought, “What are all the girls up to? Do you all get together every year or?”

“Okay okay, Fluttershy likes to hide away cause she’s scared and Rainbow likes to play all the games against AJ. Twilight and Spike are sorta new to celebrating Nightmare Night at Ponyville so I’m not sure what they’ll do and Rarity is super big into the costume competition!” Pinkie lightly bounces up and down as she speaks, full of excitement.

“Twilight and Spike are new to this?” Scratching me head in confusion.

“Yea silly! Didn’t you know they moved here only a couple years ago?” Acting as if it were obvious.

Shaking my head and facepalming I move on, “What about you? What do you normally do?” I ask genuinely interested.

She blushes, “Oh... I like to make sure everypony is having a great time!” I’m surprised to get a blush out of her, maybe my question caught her off guard.

“Then let’s do that, I can experience everything the night has to offer and help you out as well” She becomes slightly worried.

“But I want you to enjoy Nightmare Night, you might not if you have to follow me around” Pinkie says with concern. She never thinks about herself, it’s a wonderful thing but, she needs to learn that it’s okay to be selfish.

“I thought you liked my company? Worried I might slow you down?” Her concern grows.

“No, that’s not it at all! I really like having you around Joey! I’m worried about you not having enough fun” Her gaze goes away from me toward the floor.

“I’ll be with Ponyvilles own party pony Pinkie, if there’s one pony I know that can have fun it’s you! So is it okay if I stick with you for the night?” She seems conflicted.

“Of course it’s okay, I just want you to-“

“I will Pinkie” I say while kneeling down to her level as she looks back to me, “I’ve got you” I give her a smile.

This is enough to crack her, her face flushed as she looks away embarrassed, “That was super cheesy Joey!” She bites her lip in frustration.

I stand back up laughing, “Well you ponies are really rubbing off on me, you should feel proud”

“Anyways, we should check out all the games first this year and look at all the shops for special Nightmare Night goodies! Then we can go to the costume competition and show off our own!” Pinkie jumps up and down in excitement.

I frown, “Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean there’s still a lot of ponies that don’t like me and I really don’t want to cause any trouble...”

Pinkie stomps her hoof, “Blasphemy! Everypony is sure to like you more if they see you out partying with the rest of us silly, this is a perfect chance to get them back on your side!”

“You make me seem like a villain trying to win your trust” I joke.

Pinkie giggles, “Well... technically some ponies think you are a villain” We both share a chuckle.

“I guess your right, I’m putting my trust into you on this one okay? That’s not something I’d normally do” I say while giving Pinkie and serious look.

She give me a toothy smile and nods in understanding. “It’ll be great! Plus wait til you see princess Luna, she’s all scary and flys around all night, ponies need to keep an eye out or she’ll spook you!”

I dismissively wave my hand, “Sure... I’ll just try to kiss her if she gets too courageous” I say the last part under my breath.

“Okie dokie, let’s get out there!” Pinkie bursts through the door slamming it open, she waits just outside for me to follow.

I hurry after the little speed demon placing my hands together and blowing on them to keep warm. It’s not freezing outside but, cold clammy hands are uncomfortable and I’d like to avoid that at least. We continue down the path from my home into Ponyville, the lights of the party shining brightly in the night sky from a certain part of town, it’s around the town hall where I haven’t been to much. The distant music and voices start to grow louder as we enter the center of town, this doesn’t keep me however from thinking about what happened with me and Dash, this likely the first time I’ve seen her since our argument. I move my hand instinctively over my arm, rubbing over the previous cut marks from before. Pinkie seems to notice my discomfort and chimes in.

“You okay Joey? I know being around lots of ponies makes you nervous but, they’re sure not to notice you that much ya know, with everything that’s going on you’ll fit right in with your rootin tootin shootin outfit” She pretends to draw from a holster while chewing on straw.

I give a weak smile, “That’s not it... me and Dash kinda got into it when she found out what I did.... she wasn’t exactly happy about me hiding it as well” Looking away as I say this.

“Dashie was just worried about you Joe, she just has a funny way of showing it”

“I don’t know about that, I mean beside you, I promised her not to tell anypony either” Pinkie stays silent for a moment while we keep walking.

“I’m not the brightest pony Joey but even I know it’s uncomfortable to talk about certain things, I’m sure you two will be all huggy wuggy once you meet up!” I chuckle at the image.

“I hope so...”

We keep moving closer to the noise now walking with a few other ponies as well, as I glance around I realize most of them are indeed not paying me much attention. Maybe this won’t be all that bad. Coming up to an opening, I round the corner behind Pinkie to a view of the party. Ponies in various costumes of vampires, gladiators, doctors and other random themes were scattered around town hall in the fronts of shops and game stalls. This mood can be felt in the air like electricity, almost like a sporting event, most ponies smiling and enjoying the night. It’s almost infectious as I start to smile a little, distracted by my surroundings. Pinkie pulls my hand dragging me with her, my attention coming back to her.

“Joey come on! We gotta try out all the games!” Her voice desperate as if we need to hurry.

“Sorry... I just, I’ve never really been to something like this before” I blush embarrassed at my lack of social experience.

Pinkie seems unaware of my reveal, still dragging me through a crowd toward the closest game stall. Once we approach the front I take a good look to see the prizes along the side, stuffed animals of different sizes hang from the sides and top. Looking now to the game I see it’s one of those throwing challenges were three pins remain standing up on a table a few feet away.

How do ponies throw? I mean if Pinkie can grip stuff with her hooves then maybe the same way?

A mare standing inside the stall steps over to greet us while wearing a stuffed dragon costume, its green face displays a serpent’s tongue above the ponies head like a hoodie. It’s rather adorable.

“You two look like you can toss a mean ball, wanna try for a prize? Just 3 bits and you get three throws, hit all the pins without missing and you’ll get another throw for free. Knock over the stack of three with the extra throw and you can win one of the big prizes hanging above!” Her gleeful energy is genuine.

Pinkie looks over to me, “Joey Joey! You throw for a game, I bet your really accurate with those long arms!”

I chuckle as I reach into my pocket for 3 bits, little does she know I played some ball in my day. Placing the three bits on the counter I stretch out my arm in preparation as the mare heads over to set up the pins. Pinkie stands in anticipation with her front hooves up on the railing.

This should be relatively easy

Taking one of the three balls, I toss it to myself to test its weight, very similar to the weight of a baseball. Looking down range, the targets only remain around 8-10 feet away, their size that of a bowling pin. After a windup, I whip the first ball in between two of the pins, knocking them both over in one throw.

“Wow that was a super good throw!” Pinkie shouts next to me.

The mare behind the counter seems impressed as well, “That’s was a pretty hard throw there for how accurate you place it, you play this game often?”

I chuckle, “You could say I’ve had some experience” Tossing the next throw into the final pin.

“Looks like we got a winner! How’s for a double or nothing? Hit the three down with one throw for the big prize or take one of the medium prizes on the side there?” I look over to Pinkie for a decision.

“One more! One more! I know big guy has this!”

“Alright, let me set it up, just use the ball you got there left over” The mare walks to the back and sets up an different set of objects, size similar to that of a tin can but stacked in a triangle.

Once the mare had cleared the way, I sized up my target and reached back throwing my best effort. Unfortunately I toss the ball a little too high and knock only the top can over, one of the bottom ones falling as well with it.

“Ooo, almost but I’m feeling generous. Since you got the first three with two throws I’ll give you one more shot!” She says handing me another ball with a wink.

I’m taken aback at the ponies kindness, most carnival games back home unforgiving and expensive. “That’s super cool of you, thanks!” I say while grabbing the ball and giving another toss, it’s not perfect but glances off the can just enough to knock it from the table.

“Winner! A big winner! Pick a prize from above!” Honestly the mare seems happy I’ve won, looking to the top prize rack it seems rather unscathed, still full from tonight’s competitors. It’s at this moment I realize I’ve drawn a small crowd of attention at my throwing display.

My heart starts to race at the attention before Pinkie pulls at my arm. “I like the pink elephant what do you think?” She looks up at me with joy.

Her expression is enough to calm me down for the moment, I look up to the choices. It’s a large pink elephant, a big snake, and both the princesses in stuffed animal form. Seeing how I hate reptiles and either princess as a choice is awkward, I go with Pinkies choice and select the elephant carrying it with me as we walk away from the stall.

“Wowee, I can’t believe you won a prize! I never beat that that game!” I laugh at her frustrated tone, it’s somewhat close to jealous child.

“We won Pinkie” I correct. “It’s your prize” She looks at me in disbelief.

“But you won and paid for it!”

I laugh, “Yea but what the hell am I supposed to do with this?” Pointing to the large elephant that currently rides over my shoulders in a piggy back.

“You really mean I can have it?” Showing off her innocent sparkling eyes.

“Yes you goofball! You take the weirdest things seriously...”

As we walk to all the game stalls, we stop at a few more, Pinkie now playing for her own prize at each one. Surprisingly the only other one the two of us win is a ring toss game about throwing a small hoop over a glass bottle. She chose her prize and now carried it over her back, a stuffed snake that she could wrap around herself, it sort of added to the costume as well. Glancing around I notice a familiar cyan mare in a duel of apple dipping against Aj, I freeze up.

Ah shit there she is, what the fuck do I say to her?

While combing through ideas in my head Pinkie takes the initiative once more and begins to drag me toward the two once she notices them as well. I actively sweat in worry, terrified of what Dash is going to say.

“Cmon Joey! Stop pulling back, Dash and Aj are over here going at it! We gotta watch!” She stares with confusion while pulling me along. My feet feel heavy but I’m forced to move with her if I don’t want to fall over.

We come up close to the two as they now are firing catapults filled with a pumpkin each toward a bullseye target a small distance away. Doubting the ability of the catapults accuracy I’m surprised to see them both hit the mark before rushing to the next event. They go from stall to stall at rapid pace, keeping track of their score against each other, a point for each game won. It’s a blur and thankfully Dash is so focused into beating AppleJack that she doesn’t even notice I’m there in the crowd. They come to the final game that I had won the pink elephant from before, the two of them throwing their best at the pins. My guess from earlier turns out to be correct as they somehow carry the ball in their hoof as if it were magnetically attached before throwing it toward.

As they both throw their final ball it’s Dash who ends up knocking over the most pins and taking the lead on their tiebreaker. As the crowd they gathered cheers for Dash’s victory I sneak away slowly toward the Nightmare Night themed shop close by. I glance a quick look back to see Rainbow bragging to Aj about something but, I’m too far away to hear it.

I hide around the entrance watching the two go at it. “Hey! What’s going on Joey! Why are you all sneaky, are you hiding from somepony?” Pinkie says from under my arm, looking in the same direction as me.

I leap away in shock at Pinkies own sneakiness, “Oh my g- oh, uh remember how you wanted to check out the shops? Well here we are! We should look around at what they got maybe I could get like a new mug or-“ I notice my distraction isn’t working as well as I planned as Pinkie now stood there tapping her hoof impatiently.

“Tell me the truth sneaky, why are you hiding from Dashie? Just apologize and talk things out, otherwise you might explode from keeping it all in”

“I’m waiting for the right moment okay? Just let me figure this out” I come off a little harsher than I want, Pinkie doesn’t seem to mind though.

“Don’t come crying to Pinkie once you explode...” She says dragging out the last word.

I huff at her joke, checking around the store for anything that catches my eye. Most of the goods inside are fit for pony use or wear making my selections slim, after a bit I give up settling for watching Pinkie shop. Her pace is chaotic zipping from isle to isle hovering over each shelf.

“Ooo look at this cute shirt! Oh what about this snow globe? It’s got all of Ponyville inside... oh ohh look at this!” Showing each new thing she finds to me before quickly dashing back to grab another.

“I’ve never even seen any of you ponies ever even wear a shirt before, why waste the bits?”

She stops suddenly right in front of me, “Ponies wear shirts all the time! We wear socks and stocking and all kinds of stuff during kinky time! Some ponies like the undressing...” saying the last part in a whisper.

“That’s... pretty weird but somehow not surprising given how you ponies have a lot of similarities to humans, besides the hooves, fur and stuff”

“Do you like kinky stuff?” Pinkie asked innocently.

I blush looking around to see if anypony heard, “Pinkie you can’t just ask a question like that!”

“Why not? I just did, it was super easy!” Smiling proudly.

“Ugh Pinkie I know your not being serious but cmon, I’m just a man here, there’s only so much I can take”

She giggles, “A hooman” correcting me.

“The word man is a pronoun Pinkie... at least I think that’s what you call it” I pause before snapping back. “That’s besides the point! Asking me a question like that could only stem from your own dirty little thoughts, I bet your all into dressing up behind closed doors aren’t ya?”

She shrugs, “I dunno... maybe” she says with a wink. The nerve of this pony.

Our conversation on proper etiquette is cut short when none other than Twilight Sparkle and her trusty assistant Spike arrive on the scene. Twi steps forward in her costume, she’s a witch with a big oversized hat and staff along her side. Her robe is a purplish velvet, covering the rest of her back however if she stood on two legs I’m sure Its not covering her stomach. Spike meanwhile stood beside her wearing a crown encrusted with various jewels, along with a robe and scepter.

“Happy Nightmare Night! You two getting along well as roommates? I’m sure Joey is a real handful” She jokes smiling at me.

“He’s really sleepy all the time and he doesn’t like to go out much but, he’s dependable! He helped me move in and get comfortable so easy, he even lets me cuddle him whenever I need!” My face heats up at the last part as I look for Twilights response.

“Oh is that right? He sure likes to cuddle doesn’t he?” Twilight says, giving a jealous look.

“We cuddled sometimes Twi! It’s just Pinkie is always asking plus she helps around the house a bunch, it’s the least I could do”

Spike giggles behind Twilight, “Big guy is a big softie” he whispers just loud enough for me to hear.

“I’ll show you soft you little-“

“So how do you like Nightmare Night so far Joey? Is it better than you expected?” Twilight interjects.

I shrug, “it’s been pretty okay so far, but yes, better than I expected. I did have the bar set really low though...”

“You two seemed to be having fun though when we walked up, I’m just happy to see you enjoying yourself is all” Twilight gets across her sincerity in what she said from her tone alone, it’s comforting to have a friend like that.

“That’s nice to hear you say that” We both smile to each other as I meet her gaze. It takes a second before I remember where I am and quickly get embarrassed.

“We should really get over to the costume party, they start judging any minute now!” Pinkie brings up suddenly, pulling at my arm.

“See you two around!” Twilight shouts as Spike waves behind her.

I turn back to the impatient pony dragging me around with some confusion, “I was having a good conversation with Twilight, what’s with all the hurry? You said yourself earlier that your here to make sure everypony is having fun, clearly I don’t fit under that category”

Pinkie turns to me with a blush, “I don’t want to be late is all, an early worm gets the bird!” Her voice clearly shaken up.

“No... the worm doesn’t.. get any birds, Pinkie are you okay?” I ask with concern.

“You and Twilight were talking a whole bunch and we couldn’t be late so I just sped up things, you can always talk to her later it’s not like she’s going anywhere” Her attitude has complete shifted to a Pinkie to embarrassment.

“Were you... jealous of me talking to Twi?”

Pinkie gets defensive, “I’m not jealous! I... you.. how come Twilight gets a nickname!” she pouts.

“I can give you one if you want” She seems unsatisfied. I sigh, “Listen, I don’t know what’s got into you but, we need to talk about it later when we get back home. This really isn’t the place right now and I don’t want to ruin this night so let’s keep moving” Pinkie while still flustered nods her head in agreement and leads the way.

What the fuck was that all about?

My head swarms with questions as we walk through the crowd, now over in the costume competition section, currently in line for judging. Looking to the ponies around me I’d say my odds of winning are minuscule but that’s not what I’m here for anyways. Looking up to the sky I see a swooping figure go over the moon, it’s size large and dark blending in with the sky once it leaves the moons face. My first thought is holy shit but as I think about it more I can reasonably assume it must be Luna given Pinkies warning before we left. She must be scouting for ponies that are separated, maybe I should see if I can get her to spot me.

“Hey, I need to use the restroom real quick. Can you hold my spot in line?” Pinkie nods as I give her the stuffed elephant.

“Just hurry back, we’re almost halfway through the line!” As I walk away and look back I scuff, there’s at least 40 ponies in front of us.

After creating some distance between myself and most ponies, I find myself alone near a bench in Ponyville’s own park. It’s not long before I hear a rustle in the bush next to me, standing up I walk over to investigate. Assuming it’s Luna I pounce around it in surprise.

“Gotcha!” I shout only to find no pony there at all. Realizing my mistake to slow I’m tackled to the ground by a large shape. Flipping over to see my attacker I’m shocked to see the change in Luna’s appearance. Her size larger than normal somewhere around Celestia’s and her coat was black rather than a dark blue. She bared large fangs as well going along with her menacing sharp facial features, if I hadn’t heard of the stories before, I would be shitting myself.

“Luna?”

“Tis no Luna! Thou speaks to Nightmare Moon, watch thy tongue before we eat it from thou mouth!” She speaks in a powerful voice, vibrating my body with each word.

I smirk, “that sounds pretty frisky. Since you got me all pinned down behind this bush already why don’t we make use of the privacy” I say sultry.

Luna quickly leaps off of me blushing, “Joey! We are in character, could you play along just this once!”

“But the opportunity was right there! I mean you said you would suck my tongue right out of my mouth ya big perv” I laugh.

Luna bits her lip before succumbing to laughter as well. “Was a mistake to say such a thing we know. It is nice to speak with you Joe, tis a forgotten feeling talking with a pony that does not treat one as royalty”

“Pleasures all mine, your a lot of fun as well. I really like the way you talk, it’s unique and I think people that be themselves are the best kind” Smiling to her as I sit on the ground still.

“Ponies” she corrects, “and we appreciate your kind words”

“Where’s your sister? Shouldn’t she be helping out as well?” Luna giggles.

“Would thou like to wake her from her slumber for us? We could teleport you there now” An image of a very irritated and sleepy Celestia towering over me pops up in my head.

“On second thought, she should rest. It’s a lot of work being a ruler of Equestria I’d bet, I’m sure you’d agree”

Luna stares off, “Yes very much so for my sister, I however do not share the same burden. My night court is often barren and the dreamscape is rarely disturbed by nightmares, my sister much more important than I”

I frown, “I think your just as important Luna, I mean you have a whole day after yourself”

“Summer Sun Celebration is a holiday for my sister, we are not the only one with a day after ourselves” I think of another reason.

“Um... you give ponies a wonderful view every night of your starry sky!”

“Most ponies sleep rather than admire my work young Marshall” She says appearing to get more downtrodden, even phasing back into her normal form.

Yeesh this is supposed to be her night Joey, fix this

“I like your work, although I might not take the time to enjoy it every night I still think it’s beautiful. It really shows off your dedication and gives us something almost as stunning as it’s creator” I say with a smile.

Luna giggles at this moving closer to wrap me in her wing, sitting beside me. “Thou has a way with words, we just wish to be appreciated a little more for our work. It can feel like one has little purpose at times...”

I’m surprised at her openness towards me but don’t show it, “Your just not seeing things from the right perspective” Luna turns her head to the side in question. “Why do you think ponies are out here tonight?”

She sits for a moment in thought, “To celebrate the banishment of Nightmare Moon? To enjoy treats while dressing up for fun?”

I shake my head no, “They’re out here for you! If it was for your banishment, wouldn’t that fit under your sisters holiday? She’s the ‘hero’ of that story”

“Perhaps, but both are generally seen as a celebration of that”

“Well it doesn’t make sense to have two holidays celebrating the same thing and ponies like being scared sometimes, specially if it’s the purpose of the day. What I’m trying to say is that the ponies over there love you, and I bet if you show up all large and scary they’ll enjoy it”

“You... think they love us?”

“Absolutely”

“How can you be certain?”

I chuckle, “Cause your my friend and I don’t become friends with just anypony. Your more genuine and relatable than most ponies as well”

“How could an evil pony like us be relatable?”

“Well... we both seem to hate our past and ourselves at points. I think our inability to love ourselves is the reason we treat everypony else better. Personal I feel like they deserve my best for putting up with me, do you get what I mean?”

“We have trouble forgiving ourself for the past but, I do not believe I treat you any better than I treat myself”

“See that, you being all humble, I mean your taking time out of your day just to talk with me. Your a better pony they you think” I give her a smile.

“We enjoy talking with you, tis fun” Returning the smile.

“Aw you spoil me. For real though, they love you I’ve seen it”

Luna places her hoof to her chin, “We will take thou’s word if they pledge their own love for us”

“What?” My brain fizzles out.

“Thou said the ponies love us, are you not of that crowd?” She gives a smirk.

“That’s... what.... your asking for a lot!”

Luna giggles to herself, “Surely this is no trouble to announce, we are both grown are we not?”

I grumble for a moment, “I love you” I say in a low voice blushing.

Luna leans in closer with her ear facing me, “Could you repeat that? Thou awfully quiet”

“Your pushing your luck Lulu” she giggles waiting for me still. “Ugh, I hear by declare, that we love thou. Not in a sexual way, strictly platonic!”

She ponders for a moment, then stands up and begin to transform back into her Nightmare Moon form, standing much higher than before.

“We shall take your word and give these ponies a show, hurry back now if you don’t wish to miss it” Lunas confidence visibly risen.

I guess even princesses have doubts, I just hope what I said about ponies loving her is true otherwise... yeesh

The now Nightmare Moon version of Luna takes off without a sound, blending with the night sky. I pick myself up, moving away from the bush only to be jerked backwards onto my back. The force catches me off guard knocking the wind out of me, I struggle to catch my breath. Attempting to raise myself to see the cause, I’m greeted by a resistance around my torso, wrists, and ankles. While bounded I still gasp to catch my breath, finally able to get a lungful after a few seconds.

“*gasp* oh my god... what the fuck is happening?” My voice croaks out.

As I question, a figure with glowing horn pushes its way through the bush to loom over me, facial features covered by a white pony mask and the rest of its body shrouded in black robes.

“Im not going to underestimate you like my pa did, I’m sure you can recognize my voice” The pony speaks in a feminine tone with a country drawl.

“No.. no I can’t say I recognize your voice but your sure as fuck going to remember mine once you let me the fuck go!” I struggle to move, anger setting in as I struggle.

“Well darn, that’s disappointin. Maybe you’d remember my pa? Ya know, that pony you beat in the middle of the street! I’ve been waiting for this moment for a while now and I thought I outa return the favor” she steps closer to me as she talks.

“He fucking hit me with a rock! That stupid bastard had I-“ I’m struck across the face with her hoof. I go to retort yet my voice carries no sound, my eyes going wide.

“Don’t worry... I ain’t gonna kill ya, I want you to remember this” She says almost like a viper dragging the s in her last word.

WARNING: CONTAINS FORCED INTERCOURSE

She begins to remove her robe, walking over me with her hips aligned with my own. The panic starts to set it causing me to hyperventilate. My heart pounds away in my chest making it difficult to focus as I struggle to think of a solution. She pulls at my belt, struggling to remove it.

“Let’s see what your hiding”

I try to scream for help but not a sound leaves my throat. Focus back to my assaulter, I give her a death stare before she finally makes progress with removing my pants. Unable to see her reaction I’m completely at her will.

Holy shit please god, someone come stop this crazy bitch. Luna?!? Pinkie?! Anyone?”

I feel a cold breeze as she pulls away at my underwear revealing myself. She moves back for a moment to inspect.

“What is that? It’s so small... that can’t be all of it cause this is pathetic!” She pokes around at my dick as if it might come awake at just a touch.

Thankfully it’s much too cold and I’m a grower, maybe she’ll decide to beat me instead seeing my genitalia as unfit. Sadly this hope is short lived as she begins to form her magic over it. I gasp at the feeling, a sudden electricity shoots through my body. I’m blushing heavily and refuse to give eye contact as she makes her way at my cock, waking it from its slumber. I feel sick as she now places her wet mare hood against my stomach, she’s getting off to this. Even with a normal sense of smell her musk is apparent now, given the proximity to her privates. It’s repulsive feeling her sticky privates rub against my body.

“Now that’s more like it, see? It wasn’t that hard. Understand I’ve really needed this and I’m sure you can enjoy this too you little freak”

I refuse to look down at what’s taking place but can assume based on feel alone. Her own heat rubs against my length in several long strokes, covering me in her wet. By now I’ve realized that my panic has subsided but is replaced with disgust and feelings of desperation. I stop struggling, knowing the pointlessness of still trying. If there was any hope of me getting out of this, it wouldn’t be from myself.

“Alrighty let’s get this show on the road, don’t wanna take too long. I know how you friends with all them elements, it’d be best if we avoid them” As she says this, she lines up her hips with my cock before sliding down taking it in fully. She gasps, saliva leaking from her exposed tongue.

At this point I cannot hold back tears, my gaze still looking away toward the ground next to me. I sniffle, attempting to hold back from breaking down as she has her way with me, working atop while both her hooves are placed on my chest. The feeling of her tightness is exotic in a way however disgusting to admit, pleasuring. Shamefully I almost enjoy the feeling. Her hips continue to meet mine with increasing speed over time, building at my release. It’s been a while since my last time but unfortunately I continue to last, much to this ponies pleasure. My eyes become dull and lifeless, I run on autopilot waiting for the moment to end.

“Wow... you sure... last a long time. Better than most stallions even... what a shame I only get tonight... wish I had more time”

Each minute that goes by feels like an hour. She works me like a toy, my sole purpose to pleasure her sick desire and revenge. Just the sound of wet smacking against bare skin and occasional shouts of voices from nearby can be heard. Knowing that help is only a minutes walk away is deflating as time moves on, no signs of ponies drawing any nearer.

Her wet builds around the base of my shaft as she suddenly squeezes around me, reaching her climax. She gasps, her magic releasing for a moment. I go to smack her off of me but am slammed back into the ground, her hoof ripping my sleeve as she trips. She places me back under her magic then changes focus to my arm, pulling the sleeve back to reveal my scars.

“How’d you get these?” She asks with a shortened breath, I refuse to face her. “Did somepony get you before me or... you did this to yourself. Wow your pathetic, this just keeps getting better” She stays for a moment letting her legs come back to her, then stands to lift herself off of me. A strand of her cum strings outward from her mare hood to my still hard dick. “Thanks for the fun time, maybe after this you’ll learn your place or maybe... we can do this again sometime”

Placing her robe back around herself, she begins to walk away from me keeping her magic bound even after she had left. I’m stuck for at least a handful of minutes before I’m released. Instead of getting up, I’m left feeling empty, settling to just stay where I lay. Is it even worth continuing to live at this point?

Wiping the tears from my eyes after a minute, I pull up my pants then puke into the grass next to me. Well one thing is for sure, I was wrong about ponies being PG, potentially the worst mistake of my life. Even after I told myself to be less trust worthy of others, I essentially trusted these ponies to be more morally sane than what I’m accustomed too. I’ll never make that mistake again.

SCENE OVER

I’ve been violated, bound, raped, and I can’t possibly tell anypony. Imagining the looks and pity I would receive from telling Twilight, Pinkie, hell even Dash is enough to scare me into silence. What would they think of me? A pathetic used body, unable to even stand up for himself. Picking myself up I walk back to the party, dragging my feet with each step. I want to die.

Rounding the corner theres a distinct lack of ponies, the area previously carrying the largest group now was an empty opening with just one pony remaining behind the judging booth. Walking up to the pony I struggle to speak.

“I *ahem* umm.. where’d everypony go?”

Behind the booth sat a lean mare dressed in pilgrims clothes, something an early settler would wear. She stares at me with confusion then quickly plugs her nose with her hoof.

“You smell terrible! What did you get into?”

“Can you just answer my question?” I ask impatiently.

“Nightmare Moon showed up and scared everypony away, you really missed it? Best Nightmare Night I’ve ever had”

Sniffing myself, I’m unable to really tell a difference from before. Meanwhile the mare in front of me gives another whiff before her face becomes crimson with shock.

Thats right, they have a really strong sense of smell...

Blushing, I hurry my way from the party heading back toward my house. The walk is long and quiet, shouts of ponies in the distance come from every angle. It’s rather dark compared to normal as most candles remain unlit to keep things festive for the night. I’m unaffected by this, feeling hollow and exhausted, too tired to care. I need to shower and sleep, yes lots of sleep.

Once I reach the hill before my home, I see that Fluttershy is waiting at my front door, rushing out to greet me.

“Joey! Where have you been! The girls are worried sick about you and said you disappeared, I was giving out candy in my home when Dash came rushing over asking for help” Shy rushes over to me stoping suddenly and sniffing the air.

“I got lost... Im really tired Shy, tell the girls I’m okay and tell Dash that I will talk to her tomorrow” I walk passed the confused Fluttershy plugging her nose.

“Are you sure your okay? I mean you smell really weird and you look all dirty”

I continue walking without turning back, “I’m fine” then shut the door behind myself, sliding down it’s frame until I hit the floor. Pulling into a fetal position I break down. It’s a while I lay there until I have no tears left to shed. Getting myself up, I head over to the bathroom and shower off any evidence left over. The warm water cascading over my skin feels wonderful but the dirty feeling won’t wash away. I never knew what it felt like to be truly violated, almost as if I was still there, all the recent feelings present across my body. While drying myself off I can hear the front door opening and a set of hooves trotting on the wooden floor. Dressing myself I open the door and head to my room, surprised to see Pinkie laying on my bed impatiently.

“What the hay Joey! You scared me and the girls, how did you get lost?” Pinkie shouts.

“Must’ve taken a wrong turn” I can’t maintain eye contact, worrying as if she could tell what happened through my eyes.

“A wrong turn!? I know your smart enough to find your way back, I mean the party was electric! And you missed Nightmare Moon showing up, she chased us all around the town hall! It was super duper fun!” Her attitude changes from frustration to excitement just from thinking about what happened. “So you just headed back home? Fluttershy said you didn’t reach your house but a few minutes ago, also Dashie said she wanted to talk to you tomorrow when you have time. She’s staying with Fluttershy for the winter”

I sit down on the bed next to Pinkie, turning to her with a fake smile. “Well I’m home now and safe! I’m really tired though so I wouldn’t mind if you let me get some sleep”

Pinkie looks at my face and quickly frowns, “Joey, why are you crying?”

Confused at her words I place my hand to my face to confirm that I am indeed crying. I look back to Pinkie, worry laced across her face. “I don’t know, really s-strange huh?” I crack a little, my lip trembling as I speak.

Pinkie moves closer, placing her hoof around my back. I flinch pushing her away, startling us both. My heart races, unsure of what to say. I open my mouth to speak yet no words reach my lips.

“What is going on! Are you okay?” She is completely puzzled at my reaction.

I fall to the floor next to my bed placing my face into my arms, curling into a ball. “I... I wanna die Pinkie.... please just... I don’t know what to do” I break down again sobbing, heaving with each breath.

Pinkie stands there for a moment unsure. Moving closer to me she hesitantly places her hoof against me, I flinch but don’t move to stop her.

“I’m here for you Joey, we can get through this together I know we can. Your strong, plenty strong enough to deal with anything that comes your way. I know you’ll be fine” She continues to speak encouraging words my way, now hugging me in her hooves as I cry. It’s the normal approach she takes to my breakdowns, her now the only one who I’d let see me like this.

After half an hour of sobbing I find myself laying on my bed, curled up with my head on Pinkie’s lap. She softly hums to me while stroking through my hair, it’s calming enough to settle me down. I lay there confused on what to do next, do I make her Pinkie promise to pretend this never happened? No, I couldn’t do that... not again after the way I hurt Dash. I don’t know what to do.

I look across to my nightstand, the bottle of insomnia medication standing there tall, at the ready. I could... overdose myself, that way these ponies can move on with their lives instead of wasting it taking care of me and I can leave this suffering. I need to make Pinkie leave the room somehow.

“Pinkie” I croak out.

“Hmm?”

“Could you get me something to drink? My throat feels dry” it’s not a lie honestly.

“Sure, you just relax okay? You don’t have to tell me anything until your ready” She gets up leaving me alone, her warm body separating from me is beyond disappointing.

Waiting for her to be gone I reach over to the bottle and remove it’s cap, pouring a large amount of the medication into my hand. I shuffle the pills around for a moment contemplating my decision, is this really what I want? I hear hoof steps drawing near causing me to panic. I bail out, hurrying to put back the medication I spill most of it onto the bed next to me. I blush with shame, knowing what’s to come. Pinkie enters the room instantly spotting the situation, my hand carrying the bottle with pills scattered across the bedsheets, I sit in the middle with a blush looking to the floor.

“Joey!?! What did you do?!?” I avoid her stare as she shakes me with her hooves.

“...didn’t do it” is all I’m able to mumble out causing Pinkie to stop holding her breath.

She hugs me tight, “Please don’t scare me like that” Her voice cracking. “What if I l-lost y-you? What would the g-girls do? ...we love you Joey, why can’t you see that?” She tells me, picking up the pills I had previously spilled.

“I’m sorry” it’s all I can muster to say. After gathering the last of my mess, she walks into the other room quickly with my medication then returns soon after without it.

“I’m going to hold onto your prescription, I’m sure you understand”

I had even fucked up killing myself, truly unable to accomplish anything. Nightmare Night had now become as the name says, a nightmare. I’ll never be able to enjoy the holiday ever again, a constant reminder of what happened.

Pinkie climbs up onto the bed, hugging me once more, I return the favor wrapping her in my embrace.

Me and Pinkie remain embraced for a while, her body’s warmth against my own is comforting however, a slight feeling of disgust remains with me from remember that ponies touch. I won’t let that pony affect my life, continuing to hold Pinkie in my arms. Each breath she takes is hot against my neck, her head resting next to mine only lower, eyes level with my mouth.

“Your a good pony”

I don’t respond, instead snuggle deeper into Pinkie as if I could disappear into her embrace. She smiles, rubbing her face into mine. I don’t know much about ponies but this feels like she’s marking me. Exhaustion makes it too difficult to care, I choose rather to enjoy the feeling then question it, rubbing my own face back somewhat.

The pleasure is short lived, my feelings of disgust and filth return making things difficult to enjoy. I frown once more with my eyes closed. Pinkie must have her own open as she notices this change of behavior.

“What can I do to help make you comfortable?” She asks gently.

I ignore her question, willing to somewhat get what happened off my chest. “Something... bad happened, something very bad and I don’t know what to do” Desperation in my voice.

She squeezes me, “You don’t have to tell me right now, take your time”

“I might need a lot of time...” I whisper.

She pulls my face to meet her, Causing me to open my eyes. Her face is only inches away from my own, her eyes big blue eyes are like pools of water I can see my reflection in. I listen to what she has to say.

“I’ll be here for you always, I promise” An all familiar promise that I’ve heard before yet this time it feels different, like it carries weight. I put my forehead against her’s, closing my eyes.

“I hope so”

Both of us lay on our sides, heads against the pillows on my bed. Silence fills the room, the distant crackling of the fire in the other room can be heard, the door leading there still open. Suddenly I feel something move the collar on my neck, opening my eyes again to see Pinkie fiddling with it.

“We should get this thing off so you can relax, it’s been a long day for you” With some tugging and pulling she eventually pulls the collar from my neck unassisted, my face flushed from receiving such help.

I feel so embarrassed about everything and yet Pinkie does all she can to help, I owe this pony my life. After some time of cuddling, Pinkie gets up to blow out any lit candles and check the fireplace. Without the feeling of her close I start to panic, struggling to catch my breath. For some reason I feel vulnerable, like at any moment I could be violated again. Thankfully my cuddle buddy takes long enough for me to gather myself enough to appear unsettled, resting under the covers with my sunken eyes tracing her movements back to my bed. She gets under the covers with me, hugging me once more.

“Try to sleep okay? I’ll be here if you need me” She whispers into my ear.

We lay there for only a minute til I break the silence, “I can’t do this... I just can’t anymore”

Pinkie hugs me tighter, stroking my back with her hoof. “Yes you can Joey, your the bravest pony I know”

I shape my face into disgust, “I’m not brave, please don’t call me that”

“I’ve never met a pony that’s been through more than you have and kept going, that makes you brave in my book”

“Or stupid”

Pinkie kisses my forehead, drawing a blush on both our faces. “Your not stupid, now sleep your just being silly”

With my head against her chest I can hear her heart rate, the rhythmic beat lulling me deeper toward sleep. It becomes too difficult to stay awake with her scratching my head as well, my body finally finds peace.

10 Apologies & Confessions

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Things are warm, very warm. A cascading light shines over my face along the feeling of something tucked beside me. Opening one eye my vision is assaulted by the brightness, I squint to gain focus. Sunlight shines from the bedroom window, the Everfree forest beyond the yard just outside. I’m distracted by the sound of breathing, looking over to be greeted by a large amount of Pink pony. Pinkie remained attached to my side throughout the night, finally succumbing to her own exhaustion. Last nights memories come flooding back with a vengeance, almost like a hangover flushing over me. I feel the bile rise to my throat as I clamp up, closing my eyes hoping to see a different situation when I look again, that last nights events were only a nightmare.

Disappointed in the consistency of my surroundings after opening my eyes once more I contemplate wether or not this life is worth fighting for. Seemingly the only way to remove myself from this present would be to end it here and now but, I don’t have the resolve to commit on such thoughts. I settle for snuggling deeper into my blankets, my arm wrapped around Pinkies waist.

It’s at this point I recall my dream from last night, one that is sure to bring future issues.

It’s Nightmare Night again, I glance around to see a familiar surrounding. Ponies move around me as if I’m not there, my current location the middle of a flow of party goers in both directions. Avoiding the traffic, I walk to the side and turn back to find out more about my whereabouts. Unlike my actual experience last night, there is no Pinkie to be found, at least anywhere near here. I start walking to see if I can find any familiar faces. All of the same events and even certain moments that occurred during the night were the exact same, like a replica of my day only without any of the girls. Spotting the same spot where me and Pinkie split up, I use the landmark to make it back to where I was assaulted.

Moving around the shrubbery, I’m surprised to see no evidence of anypony being here recently. Silence comes over the party, the once loud and enthusiastic crowd now vanished behind me.

“Yer here again huh? You must be really dumb to come back after what happened... maybe it’s because you enjoyed it. Maybe your looking for more?” The disgusting disguised pony speaks in a sultry tone.

Behind her stand the elements, their expressions unaware of the surroundings. They speak to one another happily, like some sort of group discussion however, none of the words they speak reach my ears. My attacker now latches me to the ground to the very same spot only now with the presence of the girls.

“What makes you think they even cared to look for you? Honestly we weren’t even that far away from your pink friend, the ‘element of laughter’, if she really cared she would’ve found us in no time”

I look over to the girls, shouting for some sort of reaction. My shouts fall on deaf ears, unaware of my demise just feet away. Although I’ve realized this is a dream at this point, I still do not wish to experience that all over again, hoping for Luna’s assistance.

“And that stupid princess left you too! I mean if she jus stayed with ya for a little longer maybe you wouldn’t be in this mess. Too bad though, some things are just meant to happen” She giggles.

I’m filled with dread, prepared to relive the torture all over again. Closing my eyes I wait for the contact.

“BEGONE FROM THOU’S DREAMS! FOREVER VANISH INTO THE ABYSS THAT IS TARTARUS” A booming voice echoes into my ears, it’s bellowing power felt in my bones.

Thank god

I peak to see the cause, my hero none other than princess Luna herself. She swoops down removing the scenery around me, changing things into a location I haven’t seen but one other time. It’s a replica of Luna’s bed chambers within the dreamscape, her magic distorting the world around us in seconds. My hands are unbound and the shrouded mare is gone, along with the elements as well.

The walls are made from large blocks of stone, pillars of wood segregated along the wall providing support to the room. Above hang a large chandelier coated with melted wax and candles, it’s chain held up from the over hanging support beams that reach across the ceiling. Warmth radiates into my side causing me to check for the disturbance, a large fireplace built into the wall, towering up into the ceiling. I notice I’m near the two chairs we sat in the first time we met, currently sitting on the floor between them. It’s surface is wooden and hard, clearly aged from several years of use.

“Come, we must speak” The voice comes from Luna, she sits atop her bed patting the bedsheet beside her. She gives off a serious tone, I gulp in anticipation as I move over to sit.

Her bed is surrounded by a carpet that matches her coat, covering the floor beneath and an area around the bed as well. I sit next to Luna, sinking in to the bed, it’s cushion much more luxurious than my own. Besides its soft feel, the top blanket matches her coat as well yet in carries splotches of darker blueish purple like the area around her cutie mark, along with the half crescent moon.

I meet Luna’s eyes prepared to listen to what she has to say. “Little as we saw, your nightmare bothers us. What is it that occurred after our departure? We did not see thou after our talk”

I cannot let her know what happened

“Um... I sorta got lost on the way back, I think I might’ve missed a turn or something so I just walked til I saw something familiar. By then I figured it was too late to go back so I just headed on back home” I give a fake smile.

Luna stares at me with a stern glare, eyes piercing through me. “Is that all?” I nod yes. Luna turns away from me pulling a small picture frame from the nearby dresser with her magic, holding it in front of her so that I can see as well.

It’s a picture of two younger looking versions of the monarch sisters, both dressed in opposite colors of that they are. Luna draped in white with Celestia in black, the background some small town somewhat familiar to that of Ponyville. Luna’s face draws into a smile as she looks over the image, turning its face to me so that I can get a better look.

“Tis before everything, our leadership, our banishment. Me and Celly were just fillies, and do you see that town behind you? That was canterlot although you haven’t seen it now have you?” I shake my head no. “Much different, we never knew what it would come to be”

I tilt my head confused, why show me this? “I don’t understand, why are you showing me this? I don’t mean to be rude or anything just... I thought you were going to tell me something”

“Ah yes..... thou know that one’s experience within the dreamscape can only be replicated from experience in reality? I’ve lived over thousands of years and I will tell you now that it is very unwise to lie with me” I gulp.

“Heh... yea you sister said the same thing once”

“We will ask once more. What occurred after our leave? And who was that manifestation of?”

I’m very nervous now, unsure what to say. My hands become clammy and each inhale becomes more constricted than the next. I frantically look around the room as I try to come up with an excuse. “I um... t-they’re...” I stutter.

“A pony from the party? Perhaps one you might have bumped into?” Luna bails me out without realizing.

“Something like that, I don’t really remember her so...” I quickly close my mouth realizing my slip up.

“Thou knows the ponies gender no? Surely you must remember something, some sort of conversation” She starts to close in on my secret, slowly peeling away at my shitty defenses.

I scratch my neck, “In my dream she spoke, sounded feminine so I’m just guessing really. Could my mind remember a ponies voice like that even if I never talked to them directly?”

I manage to lower some of Luna’s suspicion but, only for a moment. “We would believe so, yes. Rather strange however, to see that pony as the bane of your dream if it were only happenstance, perhaps there is still something you are not telling me?”

We sit there for a few seconds in silence before I let out a large sigh, “I appreciate you bailing me out of that nightmare, I really do but, I don’t like being interrogated by my own friend. Do you mind talking about this another time?”

Luna is taken back at what I say, giving a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry for prying” then falls back onto her bed belly up, “We are truly sorry Joey, we only worry about you. We still expect some sort of explanation next time we meet”

Falling on my back with her, I look over at the night princess soaking in her appearance. She rather elegant, taking the term royal to heart as she seems almost sparkling at times. Although at other times she seems like a normal mare, just confused like rest of us. Weirdly enough I kinda appreciate the fact we can relate in some way even if it’s our shared lack of confidence.

“Thanks” I say, surprising Luna in the process. “Even though I said earlier that I appreciate your help I feel like my sentiment wasn’t really all there so... thank you. Your are a really great friend Lulu”

Luna smiles at my words, “Your welcome, and you are a good friend as well. If not for thou’s pep talk we wouldn’t have realized the ponies love for us” Luna flips to face me, “Thank you” and reaches out to hug me.

Internally I’m fucking screaming from this whole situation, Luna looking so cute and also having to touch anypony after the whole fiasco last night has me rattled. Swallowing down the fear by rationally concluding that Luna would not harm me, I scoot closer to complete the hug. She’s able to fully wrap me up with her hooves, even wrapping me with the one wing that is not pinned under her weight. It’s an unfamiliar feeling since most ponies are much smaller. While embraced Luna’s scent is overwhelming, a common theme with each pony I get close to. It’s something along the lines of blackberry with hints of lavender, rather wonderful to helping me relax. I’m still uncomfortable but wouldn’t let her know, my lip trembling at the contact.

Luna pulls away with the smallest tinge of blush, “We should get back to our job, we’ve spent a little longer than expected”

I can’t help but smile like an idiot, “Be safe out there in those nightmares, you never know”

Luna giggles, “We shall, goodnight Joey. We look forward to our next meeting” I wave goodbye as she leaves the room, causing the surroundings to fade away into darkness.

“Be safe? What the hell was I saying?” I mumble to myself. Rolling over I let go of Pinkie, her body heat becoming too much for me.

Luna expects an answer the next time I run into her, I have to figure something out by then

Through a crack in the blinds, the suns rays peak through, streaking across my face. Squinting I turn back around to be nose to nose with Pinkie, her eyes wide open. Startled I move my head back opening my eyes fully.

“When’d you wake up?” I sound hoarse.

“Um... around 10 minutes ago!” Her voice a little too loud.

“Alright easy with the voice... wait don’t you have work, what are you still doing here?”

“Oh I went in earlier while you were sleeping to say I need the day off, the Cakes are super understanding and were like ‘sure Pinkie, you have a bunch of days off you never use’ and I was like ‘cause I love it here!’ and then-“

“Okay I get it, they’re cool” They sound a lot better than any of the bosses I’ve worked with. I lay on my back with my arms behind my head, pulling the covers down a little to help with the heat.

I’d fallen asleep last night with my pajamas still on, my usual sleep wear being just my boxers. The heat of the blankets combined with Pinkie is a little too much, making me sweat some but, I’m too lazy to get up. It’s at this point I realize what Pinkie had said earlier, that she was awake before me.

“Hey why didn’t you say you were awake earlier?”

Pinkie giggles, “Cause you would have stopped hugging me!” She’s probably right.

“Well you cuddled me all night so you should be recharged already” I grumble turning away from her on my side.

Pinkie climbs on top of me resting her hoofs over my torso. “But I had to get up really really early to tell the Cakes I couldn’t come in and that was a lot of energy! I think I need some more if I’m going to survive honestly!”

Too tired to argue I flip around trapping her with a surprise hug, she squeaks, quickly relaxing into my embrace with a satisfied hum. I’m incredibly hot and probably smell, specially for a ponies nose.

“Sorry if I stink, I’m not used to wearing this much when I go to bed”

“Just take off your clothes then silly”

“Me and you both know that’s not happening”

“What if I.... take them off for you!” She flips over out of my grasp and bites my shirt, pulling it toward my head.

Even though I know it’s Pinkie and where I am, I can’t stop myself from beginning to panic. Her pulling at my shirt brings back suppressed memories from last night, causing me to quickly rip my shirt back and move away. Our sudden separation allows me to notice that I’m hyperventilating, placing a hand to my chest as if it could stop the painful throb that now consists. Pinkie's face shows her shock then twists to a more concerning gaze, moving back toward me in question.

"What's wrong?" I shake my head in protest to her question, unwilling to answer.

"I can't tell... you, its just... fuck!" I shout while grabbing handfuls of my hair.

"Does this have to do with last night? What happened Joey, I promise... Pinkie promise I wont tell anypony!"

Visually I'm in thought, clearly disturbed by what's going on, my eyes pacing back and forth across the room. Mentally debating with my options makes my condition worsen, my lungs now feeling constrained causing me to close my eyes. Still atop the bed I'm curled up into my own arms, now breaking down in front of Pinkie. It's not something that hasn't happened before but, still embarrassing each time. Doing what she normally does in this situation, Pinkie moves over to hug my side as best she can given the size difference.

"I'm sorry Joey, I shouldn't pressure you" Slowly stroking my back as she speaks. I let her continue for a few minutes before I feel calm.

Now settled, I lay back down into the bed with an overall feeling of heaviness, not feeling up to the task of getting up for the day. Pinkie continues to comfort me in various ways without complaint or showing any impatience, I truly owe her.

“I’m sorry” I mumble.

“Your fine silly, I can’t imagine what your going through”

My face flushes with embarrassment, “Cant even take care of myself...” speaking just above a whisper.

“It’s that what friend are for though? To pick each other up when they’re down? Twilight once helped me when I was down, like really down. I was scared... scared our friendship was only my imagination and I was in a bad place but, she didn’t give up. She saved me and the rest of the girls, even made me more confident in myself. I’ll always owe her for that” Her admiration for Twilight was clear, the smile on her face giving away her emotions.

“Twilight really is a nice friend isn’t she? Even though this magic thing was partially her fault, she hasn’t had a moment where she wasn’t worried about me, always going the extra mile” A small feeling of warmth brews within me knowing that I have such friends to lean on in this new world. “... I don’t know what I would do without you Pinkie, I’m really sorry for being so much trouble and for making you Pinkie promise not to tell anypony”

“It’s okay, I mean look how much you’ve gotten better. You haven’t done anything bad besides last night since I moved in, I think we’ve had some serious progress”

I frown at the thought of yesterday, Pinkie doesn’t know we took 3 steps forward and one fall down the fucking Spartan hole from the 300 movie. “..yeah” I say unenthusiastically.

Pinkie scrunches her nose after a quick sniff, “Joey you stink like sweat, you gotta take a shower”

I sigh getting up from the bed and head over to my closet, grabbing some clothes for the day. “I have to apologize to Dash still so I can’t just lay around all day anyway”

The simplest tasks begin to feel daunting, every move I make a battle against my broken spirit. My will shattered into pieces with the pink pony behind me picking up the mess. Even my body hurts for no reason, the joints seeming stiff and random aches across the body. Once I’ve reached the bathroom I close the door behind me and start to strip down. There’s a knock at the door.

“Joey maybe you should take a bath after. I like to enjoy one when I’m feeling really down, helps me relax!” It doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all.

“Maybe... I’ll think about it” it’s silent for a bit, the only noise being the shower running as I wait for it to heat up.

“Would it be um... okay if you let me wash you?” I blush furiously at the idea.

“Pinkie please understand what your asking”

“Just make it all bubbly and stuff dingus! That way it’s not all awkward!”

“What?! Why does that make it not awkward?! I’d still be all... vulnerable and you’d be washing me like I’m a damn kid!” She waits for a moment before replying.

“You won’t regret it I swear!”

I growl in frustration, it sounds like she wants to do it and I fucking owe her my soul at this point.

“Fine! But wait til I say you can come in alright! Don’t make me regret agreeing to this shit!” By now the bathroom is awfully steamy, our conversation going long enough for the hot water to fog up the room.

I shower quickly and start up the bath afterward, looking through Pinkie’s bath ingredients for anything that makes serious suds. I want enough so that I can slip my head back and disappear into them. Finally satisfied with the amount of bath water, it’s temperature, and the bubbles I’ve created I sink into the tub enjoying its engulfing heat. The warmth works away at my body allowing me to feel much better than before in only a few seconds. My body fits well within the tub, it’s size originally purposed for larger animals than ponies.

“Alright pervy, I’m all covered up” I’m actually very nervous, feeling incredibly vulnerable at the moment. If that unicorn could overpower me that easy, who’s to say an earth pony isn’t stronger than me as well.

Pinkie slowly peaks around the door to see me staring with a blush, the hot water making me sweat some. “Okay... let’s um, wash you down” she stands there looking away.

“Are you all embarrassed now? This was your idea! Get over here already and let’s get this done. You said I won’t regret it” I puff my cheeks all grumpy.

My child like behavior is enough to help Pinkie feel comfortable following through her idea. She grabs a washcloth and soaks it in the water, lifting it toward my back.

“Could you lean forward some? Your really big and I can’t reach that well”

“Just hop right in and you’ll be able to reach” I say sarcastically, leaning forward.

“...should I?”

“Wha- NO you doofus!” I shake my head in disbelief.

Pinkie starts to wash at my back, the initial touch making me flinch a little but, now much more relaxed with the feeling.

“Our bodies are so much different, your back is all muscly and stuff and mine is all pudgy!”

“It just looks that way cause humans don’t normally have fat on their backs. Something to do with us needing more protection on the side of our body that we can’t see” My face is very red knowing that Pinkie is eye balling me all up.

“Sorry if I made you feel like I’m staring, your just so interesting to look at!”

“That’s great Pinkie, you know why not get Twilight as well? I bet she’d love to learn about the human body just as much as you”

She giggles at my sarcasm, “Maybe I will!”

Neither of us talk for a bit as Pinkie switches over to my front side, unable to really see what she’s doing but still successful. I warn her about going to low once and she seems to get the memo, never letting the wash cloth slip beneath the waters surface. To summarize, beside the embarrassment, it was a nice experience and apparently a learning one as well for Pinkie. She leaves me to getting dressed on my own, I bundle up heavily as the days after Nightmare Night are supposed to be the start of winter.

Practically steaming from the bath, I move over to the door of my place, tying up my boots.

“Are you going to have breakfast or even let your hair dry? Plus you forgot your collar” she says holding it out to me.

I grab it from her outstretched hoof, placing it around my neck. I huff, “Not hungry and I want to get this over with so I can go back and decompose in my room”

She frowns at my words and moves over to me, placing a winter cap atop my head while I’m bent over tying my boot. “Just be quick alright? I’d hate to see you catch a cold”

“Okay mom” I say with annoyance. Just as I start to open the door I stop, and turn around. “Thanks by the way, for... well everything” She give me a smile and I head outside waving goodbye to her.

Almost instantly I’m struck by a hellish breeze, my face scrunching up from the cold. “Shit it’s cold” I lift my scarf over my face and head down the path to Fluttershy’s cottage. Walking alone in silence breeds room for memories, time spent with Dash and even the last time I’d spoken to her. It doesn’t put a damper on my already sulky mood, rather cheers me up some, knowing I get to see my friend again even if we didn’t finish our last conversation on good terms. Shy’s cottage comes into view just around some trees ahead, a bend in the path allowing me clear vision of her home. Although it hasn’t snowed yet this year, frost still covered the grass beside me turning the normally bland land into a sparkling display. I enjoy the winter so this sight is a welcoming one to me beside the future cold that comes with it.

Reaching the door, I knock 3 times and step to the side waiting. Glancing around to see if any ponies are nearby it’s clear to me now how little foot traffic or should I say hoof traffic that Fluttershy gets out here. The way leading to her home is a small dirt path that leads back to the town, likely only traveled by Shy and her friends seeing how the mailmare is a Pegasus. A sound from behind causes me to turn around to greet Fluttershy at the door.

“Hey Shy, do you mind if I come in to speak with Dash?”

Shy seems abnormally comfortable compared to normal, “Absolutely, I was wondering when you would show up. You told me to tell Dash that you wanted to talk”

Giving a quick smile, I walk through the entrance of her home shutting the door behind me. “Yeah, I forgot I said that... last night is kind of a blur”

“You did seem um, distracted when I saw you. Did everything go okay out there? It wasn’t Nightmare Moon that made you that way was it?”

I chuckle, “No nothing like that, just fell down and got all dirty... so where’s Dash at?”

Shy’s demeanor shows worry, “She hasn’t um... been feeling well but said she wanted to talk to you still. She’s upstairs in the guest room, it’s the final door down the hall on the right. Can you find out what’s wrong for me please? She won’t tell me and I’m really worried about her”

I scratch behind Shy’s ear, “No problem, I’ll get that stubborn mare to talk” knowing all to well that I’m the problem.

I’m too busy making my way to guest room to even see the effect I had on Shy with my ear scratch, she stands there blushing with eyes half lidded. “Oh my.. that was nice”

After making my way up the stairs, I reach the supposed guest room and knock on the door. Small noises can be heard from inside the room before an all too familiar raspy voice speaks up.

“What do you need Fluttershy?”

“Not Shy, just a really tall idiot” I can hear something fall over behind the door.

“..oh hay why didn’t she say anything” I can barely make her out.

“Can I come in?” A few seconds go by.

“Yea... your cool” I open the door to be greeted by a messy looking RainbowDash, her mane matted and greasy with her eyes red and swollen. “Hey dude what’s up?”

Without hesitation I move over to Dash pulling her into a hug which she returns just as fast. We stay like this for a minute enjoying the moment before separating, both of us looking away embarrassed. “I’m really sorry Dash for what I did, if I could go back I would have just told you from the start what’s wrong”

“No no... I messed up. I left you alone after what happened... I’m a terrible friend” She starts to tear up.

Panicked by her sudden emotions I pull her back into a hug, “Hey no you didn’t do anything wrong I mean what were you supposed to do?”

“I don’t know... not run away like a wuss” she buries her face into my shoulder, snot and tears getting all mixed up on my sweater.

Ah jeez not again

“Stop expecting perfection of yourself Dash, your just one pony” I remember what Pinkie said earlier. “You were there to pick me up when I was down and when you left I was feeling much better than before, let me return the favor”

Dash remains against my shoulder for a few minutes letting out the last of her pent up frustration. When she pulls away I lift her chin to face me, wiping away the tears that make their away across her face. “Feel a little better?” She nods with a blush.

We both share a smile for the moment.

“How come you didn’t talk to me last night?”

I rub the back of my neck, “Heh... I saw you and Aj really going at it and I didn’t want to spoil your victory”

“So you saw me win?”

“Yea, you throw a mean ball”

Dash seems to cheer up some, “Yea I do, I knew I’d beat Aj this year! That puts me one win ahead” finishing with a grin.

“You two always like this?”

“Like what?”

“So competitive, I mean shit I could feel the intensity in the air”

“Well duh, how else am I supposed to win if I don’t give it my all! See you need to be more like Aj, she’s the only pony I know that always gives it her all”

“I put it all out there!” She looks at me with disbelief.

“Sure dude, whatever you say”

“Ugh, not everything is always about winning Dash”

She snorts, “You sound like a loser”

“I’ll show you a fucking loser” At this I pounce toward the pony unexpectedly.

My attack catches her off guard allowing me to tackle her onto her bed. We wrestle until I’m able to pin her beneath me, tickling her stomach with my off hand.

“Bwahah stop it Joey! I’ll kick your flank if you don’t!”

“I don’t have one you overconfident flying pillow” In the scuffle Dash accidentally slips and strikes me with her hoof. I fall over to the side next to her.

“Sweet Celestia I’m so sorry, are you okay” I play it off like it’s much worse, hiding my face from her.

“Oh my god I think you broke my nose”

Dash moves in closer, “Lemme see it”

Just when I feel like it’s the right moment I spin around prepared to pin her again only to be foiled by Dash’s quick reaction. I find myself in a predicament as now Dash has me pinned below her, her legs straddling the sides of my torso. This view feels similar... too similar, my heart rate starts to rise. Just before Dash notices I’m freaking out, the door opens to the room causing us both to freeze.

“Hey you two are... eeeep!” Shy remains there frozen with a blush.

Me and Dash share a glance to our situation and then back to Shy.

“It’s not-“ Shy slams the door shut before Rainbow can explain.

“I’m s-sorry for interrupting I’ll b-be downstairs!” Hoofsteps can be heard running away from the scene.

Dash gets off letting me get up, “See what you did? Your always letting your hormones take control, I guess it’s about that time we have the talk”

“Shut up stupid! Your the one who started wrestling me and stuff!”

“And your the one who always makes it sexual!”

“I do not!”

“Do too!”

We both sit there flushed in the face with arms crossed for a moments before breaking out into laughter. “Did you see her face? That was too good”

“It really was, we shouldn’t tell her the truth” Dash gets even more embarrassed.

“Stop it, we have to tell her Joey that’s not funny”

“Ptftf, ha why? Who cares we’re all friend here”

“What if she tells somepony about what she saw and they get the wrong idea too?”

I give her a confident smile, “Shy wouldn’t tell anypony and you know that. Plus who cares what other ponies think”

“But... they’ll think we’re... doing that stuff” She looks away shyly.

“So? That’s our business not theirs, who gives a fuck what they think. Maybe I want to screw my little rainbow colored friend and you wanna screw your big human friend, why should what they think influence what we do?”

She sits for a moment in thought still red from the topic.”You wouldn’t mind if they thought that?”

I scuff, “No, not at all... well they already hate my guts so what difference does it make”

Dash smiles at my answer, “You sound like you’d like to.. ya know”

“Why are you so embarrassed about sex? Aren’t you like 23?” Seemingly impossible, she manages to get even more red in the face than before.

“I’m not embarrassed! Im just... I don’t know” She lowers her head shamefully. “I don’t think about that stuff a lot and I’ve... never done anything like that before” she takes a few quick glances my way to see my reaction.

I lean back against the wall still on her bed, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable”

She shakes her head, “No you didn’t... I just thought you’d make fun of me for saying that”

I tilt my head confused, “Why? Because your a virgin? I think that’s perfectly fine I mean you should save it for your special pony when ya meet him... or her” She gives me a angry glare at the last part.

“Ponies always made fun of each other when I was younger if they were still... you know. I had to lie just to stay cool” Her confession is comforting to me, letting me know how much she really trusts me.

“They sound like losers”

Dash chuckles, “heh, they really were”. Looking away to the door she asks me a question. “Is it... nice? Like, doin it?”

It’s tough to answer the question in the way she worded it. “Um, I guess but I wouldn’t call it nice. Maybe more like passionate and vulnerable. It’s something I’d only do with a person if I felt like I liked them, never just because of sexual attraction. I never understood why people like to just show up and fuck some stranger, I mean I get the physical attraction but it couldn’t be even close to the same as with someone you love”

Dash seems to let my answer soak in before asking another question. “Would you do it with a friend? Like even if you didn’t... like them like them?”

I question my own response at that situation, “I don’t know, maybe... I guess it depends on the situation”

Dash seems to have something else on her mind but refuses to say it. I move my arm around her to pull her into my side, she hesitantly wraps her own wing around me. “What’s bothering you? You can tell me?”

She bits her lip, “Would you um... I mean if you ever were comfortable with...” she looks to my face for a response.

Sadly I’m an idiot, “Yes? Go on?”

“Your gonna make me say it? Ugh.. would you do that... with a pony?” She looks me in the eye while saying it.

I’m unprepared for her question, a feeling of discomfort washes over me. “That’s a loaded question”

She lowers her head, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that, that was really stupid of me to think that was okay. I mean you wouldn’t want to anyway seeing how you think ponies are gross-“

I stop her, “Hey settle down, it’s alright to be curious but, I’m not exactly the right material for a pony. And just because I don’t find certain things attractive doesn’t mean I can’t find a way to make things work. And I don’t think you ponies are gross”

“Really?”

I blush thinking of what I’m about to reveal, “Listen... one thing that really gets me off is knowing that the one I love is having pleasure, so that being the case I don’t really need things to be perfect. Now don’t tell any fucking pony I said that or I swear”

She smiles at my honesty and pretends to zip in imaginary zipper across her mouth. I exhale at my confession, hopefully it’ll make her feel more relatable or something so she can stop worrying.

“Thanks... I didn’t mean to make things all awkward between us when I asked that but I couldn’t help but be curious. Also I still don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like... is it as good as ponies talk about?”

I laugh, “Oh it feels great but once it’s over you realize it’s not all what it’s hyped up to be. I mean people made that shit seem like euphoria but honestly I enjoyed just being with the one I loved” I frown thinking of my past relationship.

“Didn’t you have a special somepony when you were back home?”

“At one point but, it only lasted for around 2 years”

“2 years seems like a long time, I had a friend that got married just after a few months!”

“Well I sure didn’t and it’s definitely for the best”

Dash frowns, “How come?”

I think back to the day we broke up, everything that led up to it, my decision the right one in my eyes now.

“It wasn’t the right thing for me, I had to do what was in my best interest even if I still loved her”

“But if you still loved her then why did you break up? That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Because not everything makes sense. She had a serious depression issue just like me and I fucking did everything I could to try and make her happy. I spent sleepless nights worrying about her and tired hours taking care of her. It was exhausting and I was going to college at the same time and it was all so overwhelming. There was always something that went wrong and over time I kept getting less patient with her and she kept bailing on meeting up, treating me like shit. Eventually I realized she didn’t love me anymore like I still loved her, she’s wasn’t going to put in the effort to make things work and I shouldn’t either... so we broke up. I haven’t spoke with her since”

My story had made Dash sad, “That’s... not fair to you”

“Life’s not fair” I say rather cold.

“But your a good pony, she didn’t deserve you anyway!”

“I’m no better, I promised her that if we broke up I’d be her friend, that I wouldn’t leave her no matter what” I look to Dash, “I ran away like you did only I wasn’t brave enough to come back”

She hugs me tight, rubbing her face against my neck and chin. “I won’t ever do that again”

“You are the element of loyalty” I smile, returning the hug. “Now cmon, we oughta go tell Shy the truth, she’s sure to think we’ve been up here fucking the whole time”

Dash pulls my sleeve drawing me back, “Nah, it’s funnier she doesn’t know”

We share a laugh and head back downstairs to meet with a very red Fluttershy. Sitting across from her she had warmed up some hot chocolate for the two of us, I grab a mug.

“Thanks Shy, I see your figured out I don’t like coffee huh?”

“I’m s-sorry I didn’t realize until you left the other day, I saw y-your cup was still full” Me and Dash sit together across from the timid pony. “You t-two seem like your in a b-better mood”

“Me and Dash just needed to talk about some things, I think we’re better off then we’ve ever been” I elbow Dash next to me in the arm.

“Yea we figured out who’s the brains and the bulk between us two and decided they’re both me!”

I give Dash a grumpy look, “Hold on now, there is simply no way your the brains of us two, are you kidding me?”

Dash and I break into a small argument over nonsensical topics while Shy sits there confused at our sudden outbursts. Eventually she starts giggling, than from that to laughing aloud. We both stop to look Shy’s way.

She covers her mouth with the one hoof pointing towards us with the other, “You two really do get along well”

I turn back to Dash ruffling up her hair, “Like two peas in a pod” she smacks away my hand.

“More like one cool pony and a doofus”

“That’s not even a saying, that’s stupid”

“See Fluttershy? He’s always like this!” Displaying me with her hooves.

I smile to Shy, “She can’t handle my wonderful personality or my dashing good looks”

“I’m just happy to see you two back together again” Shy smiles brighter than I’ve ever seen before.

“Alright, I should probably head back now before Pinkie burns down my house. Thanks Flutters for the hot coco and Dash let’s hang out the next day you have off okay?” I get up and hold a stretched out fist toward Dash.

She hoof bumps me, “Whatever dude”

I place my hand on my chest, “Oh your words wound me so” I get a giggle out of Fluttershy, it’s enough for me.

Saying my goodbyes I walk away out the door, once closed I immediately let my body release from its tense state. I’d put on a positive face for the two girls, not wanting them to worry about my issues anymore than they already do. Just that hour or two of talking was exhausting, my energy completely depleted. I think about laying in bed back home, it beckons me. Trudging down the path the sky starts to turn a consistent white, small flakes of snow fall to the ground yet melt before making themselves home upon the ground. Winter is coming and it doesn’t take a Stark to figure that out.

Smoke rises from the roof of my small home, a pleasant sight for a weary traveler. Once inside I notice Pinkie is in the kitchen pulling something from the oven, it fills the house with a wonderful smell of blueberries.

“Whatcha making?”

Pinkie pulls off her little apron placing it to the side, “Blueberry pie of course! I know you really like it and thought you could use some to make you feel better!” I don’t deserve this pony.

“Jeez Pinkie, you don’t have to go to so much trouble for me. I’m plenty fine enough with you just giving me company” I lean against the counter next to her.

“But I wanted to do this! I like making ponies happy!” She cuts a slice for me and places it on a plate.

“I don’t know if this ‘pony’ is meant to be happy, things just keep going haywire for me” I take the plate with a thanks and sit at the table nearby.

Pinkie joins me with a slice of her own, some already on her muzzle. “Thacht negachive chinking choey”

“Pinkie please swallow”

She takes a comically large gulp, “I said that’s negative thinking! If you never keep a positive attitude about things, how are they supposed to get any better!”

She right, truthfully it was something I’d told myself before to get out of a rut, now coming full circle. This was different however, I’m still the lone human here, I’ve got some strange illness, and I just got violated last fucking night. If I am going to get any better, I need to figure out how to fix all of this or how to be comfortable living with it.

I bite into the pie, it’s warm gooey feeling is partnered with the sugary sweetness of a blueberry. My tastebuds are overwhelmed with satisfaction, this the best blueberry pie I’ve ever had.

“This is really good Pinkie, like I’m impressed”

“Thanks! I mean I should be really good seeing how I work in a bakery”

“Oh yeah... you do. That doesn’t take away the fact that this pie smacks”

“Smacks?” Unfamiliar with the slang.

“Oh uh it’s really good! Sorry I forgot about the whole, ‘I’m an alien’ thing”

Pinkie giggles, “I like that! You really smack Joey!” I cringe at her misuse.

“It’s not for anything that’s good just food, at least that’s how I’ve only heard it used”

“Oohhh, I get it! Cupcakes really smack! And doughnuts and” I allow Pinkie to keep going on with her newly acquired human slang, moving to the kitchen with my plate to take care of it.

After I walk pass her heading back to my room to look over that journal again, hoping for some sort of clue. Pinkie soon follows after me and joins me on my bed, laying between my legs with her head resting on my chest as I read. I flip back to the original section on the first recorded origin of my illness, looking for that ponies name again.

“So what are you reading this for?”

“I’m trying to figure out how to solve my magic issue and I’m hoping that if I can find out more about this first pony that maybe I can figure out how to reverse it”

My eyes scan the page until I discover the ponies name again, Quantum Matter. “Sounds like a scientist”

“A mad scientist. The guy made my issue trying to give himself unicorn magic, he also seems to be the cause of some ponies depressive outbreaks”

“So you think he was the reason that ice cream pony did that to himself?”

“Celestia sure thinks so”

I continue reading over what I’ve already read finding nothing really interesting this time around either. At the very least I helped Pinkie better understand my issue.

“I don’t really have much to go on still besides this ponies name. If there was some way for me to find out more about him...”

Pinkie lays in silence before suddenly flipping over facing me, “Ooo I know! When we went to Canterlot for Twilights brothers marriage, there was this big library in the castle and Twilight said I couldn’t go in there cause it was Celestia’s private library but, it’s supposed to have all sorts of secret things in there!”

“Twilight has a brother?”

“Joey are you listening! There might be something about that pony in Celestia’s library!”

“Hmm” I think about the possibility of her private library having anything about my issue. It’s unlikely however, it’s the only lead I got and if that’s where this journal was at then I might just get lucky. “Is there anyway to get in there?”

“Well you can just walk in but, it’s guarded and located near her chambers. You’d have to sneak in during the day while she’s busy!”

“How do you know all this?” I regret asking the question just as it leaves my mouth.

“A true Pinkie never reveals her secrets...” grinning as she speaks.

“Not even for a Scooby snack?” She stares inquisitively. “Eh never mind. I’m super tired, do you mind taking a nap with me?”

“Of course not! I can get all the cuddles I need!” She snuggles her face into my stomach.

I scratch her head and behind her ears while she lays there. It seems to really take an effect, her falling into mush against my body. I chuckle at her reaction, completely out just like that.

“Behind your ears must be like an off switch” Pinkie slowly nods yes, still face first on my belly.

We lay there for a bit before I realize why I can’t sleep, my collar still around my neck. Taking it off and relaxing back into my bed, it’s not long before I fall asleep with the party pony. I have a quick dream about Spike becoming a handsome dragon, swooping Rarity into his arms and riding off into the sunset in his 1967 Chevy Corvette. It was strange to say the least, reminding me of the plan to get Spike his dream mare.

Now awake once more, I lay with the slumbering pony atop me. Besides the gentle caress I’m preforming on her mane, the rest of me is deathly still. Just looking at her so calm is fascinating, this very same pony can be the most rambunctious being I know. Instead here she was relaxed and completely trusting that I would not harm her in any way. Honestly she’s very cute like this and I don’t mean it the same way I would normally when looking at ponies. Looking past the differences between us, she’s very similar facially to a person when looking straight on. Although she didn’t have a slimmer look like some other mares, she makes up for it with a wonderfully soft and friendly face. Her eyes were pretty as well when open, their bright blue circles full of excitement, always curious and bubbly about everything. Let’s not forget about her world class smile.

I should probably stop staring, it’s kind of weird

I think back to the rest of the girls in the way they look, a realization dawning over me. They all have their own traits that make them different and special. Twilight has her cute nerdy look, Fluttershy her strong eyebrows giving off her true emotions, Dash with her lean appearance, Rarity’s elegant mane and coat, AppleJacks beautiful emerald eyes. They’re all wonderful in both the way they look and in the way they treat others. I could only strive to be as great as them. That’s not all the ponies I know though, my princess friend Luna fitting into this conversation as well. I find her coat and mane colors stunning in both her princess mode and when she is off duty, letting her mane change to a light purple. Removing her looks she’s also been a reliable friend, helping me at every corner. It’s truly a wonder how someone like me would get to be friends with such great ponies.

Pinkie shifts a little in her sleep, rubbing against me in the wrong way. Just as quickly as I started to feel blessed, my positive attitude is sucked away and replaced with disgust. Not everypony is great, thinking back to that mare. I start to wonder if I’ll ever find peace living here. Probably not seeing how I can’t handle thinking about what happened without starting to panic. Speaking of which, I enjoyed the feeling didn’t I? What kind of sick fuck does that make me? I’m no better than some ponies little fuck toy, always at the ready. If I really didn’t enjoy it I would have put up more of a fight...

I’m disgusting

With my mental berating, I fail to notice Pinkie stir from her sleep, now staring at my discomforted face. “W-was wrong?” She asks with eyes still half closed.

“Nothing, I’m just being stupid is all”

“I don’t think it’s stupid to worry about things” She stretches her legs out with a yawn.

“Not worried” I lean back against the bed frame. “It’s... something I need to figure out myself”

Acting defensive doesn’t seem to buy me any luck. “Why do you try to be all tough for me and the girls? It’s okay when your hurting to ask for help”

I contemplate the idea, its starting to feel like the better option the more time goes on. “What if something happened that was bad, like really bad and it changed the way you see things but, you know it’s all in your head. Would you waste your friends time worrying them about something like that, something that doesn’t even exist?”

“Clearly it exists Joey, you’ve been way more down than normal since last night” Pinkie gives me a worried face.

“What happened exists yes, but the other shit? Me panicking like somethings wrong when there’s not? It’s all bullshit, I’m just being a baby”

Pinkie gets mad at this, it’s the first time I’ve seen her actually angry. “Stop! Stop with the self doubt, stop with the underplaying things, and stop with the lies! What happened Joey, you know I just want to help you!”

I panic, “I-I.... I can’t fucking.... I can’t do this. Please just... let me die” I slump down looking away from Pinkie, defeated. “Why does everything have to go wrong... I didn’t do anything wrong”

Tears spill down my face, I stare off to the wall in thought. Pinkie moves in to hug me, whispering encouraging words into my ear.

“You can get better, I know you can. Think of how much you’ve already been through? I’m here to help and the girls are too, your not alone either”

I can’t hold back the emotions anymore, yesterday’s trauma finally becoming too much. I move into her embrace, bawling away into her fur. “S-she... I was raped”

I can’t see Pinkies reaction but, she doesn’t seem to let my confession get in her way from comforting me, stroking my back with slow circles. “Shhh shhh shhh, it’s okay now. We won’t let anypony hurt you again”

Her words are somewhat demoralizing, like I can’t protect myself but at second thought I couldn’t really do anything to stop her magic. I’m completely defenseless in a way and I’m even forgetting that the gender roles in Equestria are reversed! My incident is probably more common than the other way around. I’m getting away from the main point here, I can’t defend myself and it’s obvious now.

Seconds turn to minutes, minutes to an hour, then after that I have nothing left to give. My body is limp, a husk of my former self. Pinkie continues to try and help me, her stare meeting my lifeless eyes. I’m on autopilot now, Pinkie removes my shirt and pants and fits me into my pajamas without my protest, slipping me with herself under the covers all while treating me with encouraging words. Most don’t reach my ears at this point, I truly want to just give up.

I sleep easily from my exhaustion and wake up the next day, not removing myself from my bed beside to use the restroom. The next few days go like this as well, Pinkie having to take the week off in order to help me. Word gets out what happened among the girls, Spike, and even the princesses. I overhear that Luna’s reaction was explosive, destroying her own room in anger. She’s unable to speak with me in the dreamscape as well, my current condition sort of like a comatose, preventing me from dreaming. Dash didn’t take the news well either, the first day rushing over to practically interrogate me into who did it however, even I don’t remember the culprits appearance. I just recognize her voice.

It’s around 2 weeks from my confession that I show signs of improvement. By this time, Fluttershy has offered to take shifts helping as well, Pinkies need to go back to work causing her to ask another pony to assist. Seeing how I wasn’t comfortable with anypony I didn’t know and Shy living just down the road, she was very willing to help out. Currently taking the time to trim my hair, both facial and atop my head. It’s quiet beside the light humming of Fluttershy, her working her scissors away at the lengthy hair that reaches my lower neck.

“How short would you like your hair?” Shy asks politely.

Besides short answers, the only other response I’d be willing to give at this point is hand gestures. I mumble a response, “I don’t care... whatever you like”

She smiles at my response, “That’s okay, I think we should go for something short and slick. I think you’d like great if we got these bangs out the way” I don’t bother to question her ability to cut human hair, her own mane is surprisingly similar to something you would see from a person.

I haven’t had hair shorter than 3-4 inches since elementary school, my own insecurities of having a larger forehead keeping me from letting it show. It’s not anything ridiculous or even bad however I still couldn’t find comfort in the way I looked without the longer hair. Shy finishes her work after a few minutes, placing a handheld mirror in my lap to look for myself. Begrudgingly I take the mirror to see my new look, content with its appearance. She had shortened my sides and back to around a pinch and left the top to be half an inch, appearing spiky unlike its normal curly behavior. She shaved my beard as well, trimming it down to around a 5 o’clock shadow. At this same time I notice how terrible the rest of me has began to look. My face pale with dark bags around my eyes, the curves around my face more prominent now with my loss of weight from the past weeks. I’m not unhealthy underweight, honestly given the way I was before I probably now more close to the weight I should be. The worst change though would be my eyes, once showing a tinge of blue coloring now carried none, gray without much life.

I put the mirror down and get up from the chair I was sitting in, walking back toward my room to sleep. I stop before I reach the door, turning back to Shy. “It’s nice Shy.... thanks”

It’s not much but, definitely uncharacteristic for the last few weeks. Shy notices this as well but doesn’t make much of it, “Your welcome!”

She continues to clean up the hair left over while I lay flat across my bed, my face in the sheets.

Now I’m wasting Shy’s time as well...

Although I felt obligated to do something for her, my body protested against any action beside sleep. I groan in frustration as Shy makes her way into the room next to me on the bed. Without asking she starts to massage my back, her hooves work wonders. I can’t help myself from giving sounds of satisfaction, not that I care even at this point.

“You feeling any better today? Maybe thinking about going outside for a walk or...you could help me feed my animals” She talks to me now with so much more confidence, likely due to the fact she knows I’m not a threat to anypony but myself.

“I don’t know about all that”

“Do you feel like talking about what happened?”

“No”

“Joey you can’t just sleep all the time and expect things to get better”

“I don’t need things to get better, I need them to fucking end”

Shy shakes her head in pity, “oh you poor pony... I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do to help you feel different?” The pity in her voice makes me uncomfortable but I ignore the feeling.

I shrug my shoulders, enjoying her impressive ability to work into my back. “Why are you so good at this?”

She giggles, “Well I have several larger animals that get all kinds of knots and issues that only a ponies touch can fix. Specially Harry, he’s a bear”

I shudder, “Does feeding your animals include Harry?”

“Oh no, he catches his own food. It would be inappropriate for me to feed him, carnivores like to hunt for themselves. The largest animal that I feed is usually deer”

“Your telling me that deer are not sentient here?”

“Reindeer are!”

Confused at the logic I settle with the information I’ve received so far. I think about my situation, being cooped up in here really hasn’t been too great honestly, I should really get outside. I flip myself over to look at Shy.

“I guess I could help feed your animals today for you putting up with me” She lights up at this all giddily.

“Yes! Oh this is going to be so much fun! You’ll love it I promise!” Her excitement lights a small warmth deep inside me.

“That’s just cute seeing you all excited like that” Shy blushes at my words.

“Hey mister! You wouldn’t understand til you meet all my woodland friends”

Woodland friends makes her sound like Disney princess

“Alright let’s get going before I change my mind”

Shy and I head outside into the now snow covered outskirts of Ponyville, the weather lacks any wind but a chill in the air still stings my nose and ears. I’m bundled up from head to toe along with Fluttershy, she wears a scarf, a pony sized bubble jacket, and booties protecting her from the cold. By the way, pony boots are as adorable as you’d imagine.

The snow crunches beneath our feet as we walk, the snow covered treetops making the outline of the Everfree almost appear like mountains from the distance. With the snow covering just about everything now, the sky also remained a pure white, rather painful to my eyes as I adjust to the light. Shy speaks up to break the silence of our walk.

“Did you know Hearths Warming is coming up soon?”

I was focusing on watching my breath when she asks the question, slightly catching me off guard. “I’m sorry what was that again?”

“Do you know about Hearths Warming?”

“Oh... yea it takes place around the same time as a holiday called Christmas back on Earth. Actually it’s really similar besides the whole religious aspect. People give out gifts, party or spend time with family, I personally used to be one of the ones with family”

“That’s great though... that you know about the holiday I mean the girls get together every year at Twilights for a gift exchange. It’s really fun, you should go” It does sound like it would be fun if my brain wasn’t against doing anything right now.

“Yea... I bet that’d be fun”

“It is, last year I got Rarity’s gift, she knitted me a nice yellow sweater with my cutie mark. Its super cute, I should show you when we get there” I try not to be rude and appear uninterested.

“Sure, Rarity really is generous huh?”

Shy giggles, “Do you like Hearths Warming? Or um...”

“Christmas and yes, It was my favorite holiday. I just enjoy it more because of the winter really. I think it makes everything look really... I don’t know, festive?”

“I like to see all the pretty lights everypony sets up each year!”

“Do ponies decorate a tree as well?”

“Yea, most of the girls try to bring their own special ornament as well to hang up on Twilight’s tree. You should probably go shopping for something soon, it’s coming up in two weeks”

I huff at her optimism of me, “Expect me to be fine by then?”

“Well...” She turns to give me a smile, “Your helping me today and that’s a start”

“That’s because your like an angel Shy, it would be evil for me to deny your request”

Shy bats a hoof my way, “You too nice Joey” I smile a little.

By now we’ve reached her cottage, stepping inside for a moment so Fluttershy can get her animal feed from her closet. It carries all sorts of pellets for all types of animals, also including small packaged treats for dogs and cats as well. I help by grabbing some of the feed with her, moving to the back door to head outside. Once on her back porch, we began to fill several empty bowls, the noise starts to attract animals from the forest behind us. Before I know it, a small family of deer have made their way next to me, eating from the bowl as I stand right there.

“Holy shit, I’ve never seen a deer this close before. Normally they’re super scared of people”

“Ponies are not natural predators so they are comfortable around us, and you probably don’t come off as a predator as well”

“Really? My canines don’t scare anypony off?”

She giggles, “No Joey, Griffens are more like what they are looking for, that or diamond dogs”

That dentist Colgate was scared of my teeth...

“Diamond... dogs?”

“They’re a race of sentient dogs that live near mountains, they stand on two feet like you! But they usually are up to trouble so ponies stay away from them”

“You sound xenophobic”

Shy blushes, “No they can be dangerous and-“

“I’m kidding Shy, I get what you mean” She puffs her cheeks still blushing.

After petting some of the wildlife and learning more about the creatures of Equestria we head inside to keep warm. Sitting around her fireplace, my feet rest on the foot table in form of me, my hands holding a mug of hot chocolate. Fluttershy was sharing with me a story of fillyschool with Dash when there’s a sudden knock at the door.

“Is that Dash? Where is she speaking of the devil”

“She’s at work right now and won’t be ho-“ She freezes once she opens the door, seeing the visitor. I stand up prepared to make my way to the door.

“Has thou seen or spoken with Joey recently? We had gone to his home to see no pony there and are curious to know if thou had any idea” Her voice sounded worried.

“Lulu?”

The moon princess peaked around the door to see me, a frown across her face. Suddenly, she rushes to me, hugging me into her embrace. She smells like she did in her dream and is warm, very warm. “This is a pleasant surprise”

11 Admittance

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Luna keeps me wrapped up in her hooves, squeezing a little too tightly. I’m surprised at such a reaction out of her but I’m not complaining. Looking over to see Fluttershy’s reaction, she’s completely taken off guard, rushing to the kitchen in a panic.

Luna pulls away to admire me, “Oh we are so glad to see you Joey! We had the worst thoughts about what might have happened but we are glad to see thou all in one piece”

“Um... yea I’m fine, just a little shaken up” I give a weak smile.

“We would like to apologize...” She frowns with tears beginning to brim in her eyes, “We are... I am truly sorry for having left you so quickly. If I had made sure thou made it back safely, we could have prevented this. We- I am truly sorry and am ashamed to call myself your friend” looking down to the floor with a single tear flowing down her cheek.

Uncomfortable with seeing my friend so hurt I move forward to hug her once more. “Don’t say that nonsense, how the hell was either of us supposed to know...” I stroke her mane while she collects herself.

Fluttershy peaks around the corner with another glass of hot chocolate but senses the mood in the room isn’t exactly right to intervene, settling for hiding in the kitchen.

We pull away again, the Lunar princess carries a feint blush. “If thou ever needs to talk, we are always available and we have made a present for you to make this possible. I shall give to you this magic parchment that will allow to send letters without using one’s own magic. Make use of this, it’s the least we can do for thou” her horn lights up at this, creating the parchment from thin air.

I catch it pulling the ends apart to look over its condition. Unlike something you would see in a history museum or with ancient writing, the paper is new and well crafted, wrapping around two rollers at either end of the parchment.

“That’s a thing? How come Twilight never gave me one of these?”

Luna smiles a little still emotional over our greeting, “Tis not that simple, we had to place an elaborate seal in order to allow use without one’s magic. It’s no small feat for even the most skilled unicorns. Simply write with ink whatever thou wishes then address it with the name of the receiver. Once this is completed, roll the parchment back together and it shall send a letter for you”

Standing there in disbelief, I quickly look around for something to write with. Luna noticed my struggle and creates a ink covered quill to existence. “Thank you. You must be some sort of wizard when it comes to this stuff”

“Years of experience and determination make up the pony you see before you, ‘twas no easy feat to become this skilled” She stunts, boosted by my words.

Smiling at her reaction I turn my attention back to the letter, writing upon the paper with a few words before addressing it and closing the device. After a second or two, a loud poof sound can be heard within the kitchen followed by the sounds of a pony falling. Luna looks to me with confusion, I point back to the direction of the noise. From the kitchen comes Shy, a letter resting in her mouth and a mug of hot chocolate on a plate balances on her back.

“Thou sent a message to Miss Shy?” I nod yes taking the letter from Shy and opening it to Luna.

‘Shy you can come in here now’

The words were exactly the way I had originally written them, almost like scanning a paper for reprint.

“This is really impressive Luna, that’s the second time now you’ve done something for me that’s practical, my math teachers would be jealous”

She sways her hoof, “Think nothing of it, we only wish to apologize for our negligence”

“No you didn’t do anything wrong... really. If I wasn’t useless against magic I could have stopped things from happening”

Luna raises her brow at what I had to say, “You say magic? Does thou remember much of the attacker beside their race? For we shall strike down punishment fit for such vile behavior on my friend, banishment to Tartarus or perhaps... the moon” with each word she begins to get angrier. “We wish create justice with our own hooves for thou!”

A frown makes its way across my face, “I don’t uh... really remember much besides that it was a unicorn mare and she was related to some moron a beat down in public”

“Does thou remember the name of such moron?” I shake my head no.

“I could probably identify him if I saw him again but, since that day I haven’t seen him”

Luna’s desperate need for justice gets the best of her, “Surely there is something more you could tell us? Think back to what happened”

I let my mind slip just a little back to that night, the feeling of her magic restraining, the disgusting way she spoke to me, her warm-. Cutting my thoughts off I come back to realize I’m panicking. Hyperventilating I have to lay down with the help of Luna to prevent myself from passing out.

“I c-can’t... that’s too fucking much” my voice cracks.

Realizing her mistake now, she wraps me in her wing. Shy moves over to me as well giving me a hoof to squeeze. It takes a few minutes of controlling my breathing before I feel okay enough to let go of Shy’s hoof. Embarrassed I look away from the two of them, fiddling with my hands awkwardly.

“We are sorry, I overstepped” Luna says placing a hoof to her chest. “It is only right for thou to feel discomfort toward me for such behavior therefore we shall take our leave”

She goes to sit up but is pulled back by my hand grasping at her hoof. She looks back to me ashamed, “Don’t! I mean... please stay I... I enjoy being with you” my face becomes even redder at my display of desperation. “It’s calming”

Luna’s face starts to match mine, sitting back down beside me with her wing around me again. Shy rubs my back on my other side, smiling brightly at my actions.

“See? It’s okay to ask for help from friends” I feel like a child but am too busy being smothered by these two to care. Instead I lean back into their loving hooves, closing my eyes.

I need their help, I can’t do this alone anymore. I’m too damn tired

“I’ve been thinking and uh... I really do need you two’s help... so I’ll try my best to ask instead of keeping shit to myself” Both the girls fur is incredibly soft against my skin, their wings also strangely supportive against my back like two arms. I could lay like this for hours.

Luna brushes her head against mine, “Does thou think it would be more comfortable to stay with us in the castle? We could guarantee your safety and provide royal benefits to help with recovery”

Her suggestion is tempting yet I didn’t want to be any closer to Celestia, her little interrogation she performed at my house along with her seeming to misunderstand how Luna feels has grown seeds of frustration with the monarch. Truthfully, I’d say I dislike her the more I see her. Maybe it’s because this whole incident with me could have been avoided if she did her job keeping ponies in check instead of worrying about the damage I could cause. Or maybe because she seems not to notice her sisters struggles to readjust after thousands of years on a fucking moon? Maybe I’m just tired and upset, looking for somepony to blame.

“That’s very tempting but I like it here” They both give me strange looks. “Don’t get me wrong, this town has its fair share of assholes but most my friends live here... and I’d like to pay them back in some way if I could”

Fluttershy is the first to react, hugging tightly against my side. “Oh your such a nice pony Joey, you shouldn’t be worrying about us okay? We’re not the ones being mistreated”

“Yea but your the ones putting up with me. Let’s be honest, I’m a lot of work”

Luna seems to be off in thought before coming to her senses, “We have a compromise. If thou wishes to stay here, you must be escorted by your own protection. It’s become clear that you are in danger the longer you stay in Ponyville”

“No, that’s too much. I barely go outside anyways and when I do it’s always with another pony. That shit that happened before was one of the few times I’ve been alone so count it as an anomaly”

She seems to be debating another option in her head before sighing loudly, “To think we let our friend be harmed on our own night... we are deeply sorry and only wish to repay thou in some way”

Her words sadden me, “It wasn’t your fault Luna, you have nothing to be sorry for. Just... keep being you and keep hanging out with me or something I don’t know. Your company is good enough for me, how’s that?”

“This feels insufficient, truly there must be something more we could do?”

I wrap her with my arm pulling her close, “I already said what I wanted Lulu, isn’t what I think is enough all that matters?”

She looks away still disgruntled, “We guess...”

“Well what would you like? I’m open to suggestion aside from some weirdo following me around all day or being locked in a castle”

“Thou wouldn’t be locked up! You could go where thou pleases within the castle grounds and if it were wished to go beyond the walls, we could accompany you”

I smile, “Sounds awfully selfish, you must want me all to yourself huh?”

Blushing she pulls back, “We do no- tis ridiculous to assume such assumption! We only wish for your safety!” she crosses her hooves with puffed cheeks.

I chuckle, it’s the first time I’ve laughed in two weeks. I turn back to Shy, “Take notes from Shy over here, she’s been waiting for a moment to cuddle me since the day she realized I wasn’t a threat and now she’s just taking it all in”

Shy blushes avoiding our looks, “eep! Maybe I did um... think about possibly... if it was okay with you of course, cuddling sometimes. It’s not like THAT or anything! Pinkie was just going on about how warm and soft you are and I couldn’t help but wonder”

She hides behind my back still wrapped around my torso. She’s a treat isn’t she? Meanwhile the supposedly not selfish Luna stares a hole into the back of my head while I look away.

“Well don’t worry you two, there’s plenty of Joey to go around. If it’s one thing I’m good for, it’s cuddling you adorable ponies”

Shy blushes at my words, Luna on the other hand leans forward til she’s a few inches away. “We are not adorable! We are cunning and practiced, prepared for any threat that dare faces our subjects”

I laugh again, “Subjects? Pftft, what is this medieval times?”

“Thou said they would not joke of our dialect” she pouts.

“And this subject finds his princess’s way of speaking cute” her eye twitches.

“You wish for no cuddles then?”

“Woa woa woa let’s settle down, there’s no need for that. I’m sorry now would you kindly continue to drown me in your love please”

Luna blushes while grumbling something under her breath, “We are glad to see thou is in much better mood then foretold”

“Must be because of you” I say while booping her nose, her muzzle scrunches up in response.

“What is it that thou just did?”

Shy surprisingly beats me to the punch, “That’s called a boop, Joey says he can’t help himself sometimes and has to ‘boop’ our noses. I think it’s some sort of human thing”

I nod my head in agreement, “Yep what she said”

Luna doesn’t seem to believe me, looking with suspicion. In order to avoid dangerously low cuddles, I reach behind her ear scratching her head. She goes to pull away only to stop at the feeling against her scalp, leaning into my hand the more I continue. Shy seems to feel left out so I move my other hand over to scratch her as well. Symbiosis is what they call it, all parties mutually benefitted at this exchange.

Stopping after a bit because of my hands getting tired both the girls snap to their senses looking disappointed with the vanished feeling. Instead of blushing and turning away like Shy, Luna takes my hand into her hoof observing it further.

“How is it that you preform such wonders with these... little things?”

“They’re called fingers and easy, I just do this” motioning over to scratch her once more. Luna pushes my hand to the side.

“No we are not falling for that again!”

“Your loss” I say leaning back into the couch.

Fluttershy’s fireplace crackles away at the timber within, it’s heat felt radiating from across the room. A sudden chill is brought by Shy getting up and taking care of our drinks, I shiver slightly at the loss of heat. Noticing this, the large pony still beside me flips over to lay me on her stomach, her wings wrapping the both of us like a blanket. Her wingspan being much larger than normal pegasus makes this very easy, the only part of my upper body appearing is from the neck up, although her length is not enough to cover below the waist.

I blush from the gesture, feeing like a child wrapped in his mother’s embrace. “Okay Luna this is quite a bit”

Moving her head down to speak directly into my ear, she sends chills down my spine with her proximity. “Is this not warm enough?”

I bit my lip, “It’s warm... I’d be lying if I said otherwise. But you know... your like one of the rulers of Equestria and you got me all wrapped up like I’m... something” I stop myself before saying special, not wanting her to worry.

Unfortunately the word something doesn’t really sound great either. “Thou IS something to us. Our friend, truly our only friend besides sister”

I turn to see if she’s being honest, her face is serious. “I thought you said I wasn’t your only friend? That I was something like your only friend outside the castle”

She smiles, “Tis true, our sister stays within castle grounds does she not?”

“That’s... really sad” Lunas smile fades some. “I didn’t mean it like that I just thought you being a ruler and all would mean you have friends in high places and shit you know?”

“It pleases me you thought that, we are still getting accustomed to the whole ‘making friends’ ordeal since our return. It hasn’t been as easy as thou would think” I shut up and listen, giving her a look to continue. “Most ponies feared us on our return and rightfully so. We are the embodiment of rebellion against our sister, lashing out in desire for recognition. A weed wrapping itself upon Equestria’s hearth, ruining its prestige. If we could only go back and stop what has happened, I would do anything to”

I want to hug her and let her know that what she says isn’t the case anymore but her wings restrict me. “Luna could you um... let me go some?”

“Sorry, we failed to notice how tightly we were holding you” She giggles.

Moving around now with her loosened grip, I turn over to bury my face into her while giving her my best hug. “It’s great that your back now. I couldn’t have possibly gone through what you went though without snapping”

“Oh we did ‘snap’, right after our return. It took the elements to reduce me from my nightmare form into what you embrace now”

I rub my face against her fur, “They reduced you pretty goooood. I mean your fur is tremendous”

My childish behavior draws a giggle from her. “I am glad to see thou is enjoying themselves” I nod in agreement.

Shy strolls back from washing up the dishes to be shocked at the sight before her, the royal matriarch seeming to hide both our faces with her wings. Shy does her classic embarrassed ‘eep’ assuming the most inappropriate of scenarios to what she sees.

Luna lowers her wings at this revealing me pushing away from her chest, my face flushed from the heat. “What’s wrong Shy?”

“Y-you a-and.... uh but... Dash? You t-two..” she confusingly speaks before fainting to the floor. I quickly move over to her checking for any injuries.

After being satisfied that she wasn’t hurt in any way, I pick her up and bring her to bed. Once tucked in, I head back into Shy’s living room to see Luna preparing to leave.

“Gone so soon?”

She shakes her head no, “I feel like I’ve overstayed my welcome. Would you be okay with us accompanying you home?”

“Of course! Also that was the closest you’ve ever been to having a full sentence without the whole third person talk” Luna puffs her cheeks.

“We are getting better, just you wait”

Once fully dressed for the elements, I grab my gift and we make our way over to my house through the cold. The day seems to be fading fast, the light becoming less frequent as the winter rolls in.

“You must like winter with the shorter days and longer nights right?”

She shakes her head, “We despise the cold, reminds us of our time on the moon”

I don’t bother to question how she didn’t die without oxygen and all that, there’s likely some stupid answer that doesn’t make any sense anyways.

“Do you ever worry about being alone... again?”

She takes a large sigh, “Not a night that goes by without it”. With my question already dampening the mood I decide to continue on with the real talk.

“I’m sorry if this isn’t something you like to think about but, doesn’t being immortal scare you as well? Like how do you make friends without worrying about... you know”

“A lesson learned from long ago, we would rather share and enjoy the memories of another then to spend our days worrying about the end. One could not fully enjoy what life has to bring now if they stay trapped in the future” her logic seems to make sense but, not ease my worry for her.

“Is it weird to say I feel bad... bad that I can’t be with you forever. It feels like I’m just hurting you by not being there for your whole life. I’m just a small part really”

She smiles looking to me, “You are more than a small part Joey, we still remember the names of those close to us even after thousands of years. Every pony I’ve met has had their own impact into shaping the pony I am today whether it be for a short time or long. Know that we except the burden of loss if it means we get to spend time with thou”

Her words hit home, “That means a lot, it really does”. It’s painful to know she’s stuck to suffer with this fate, only if I could help.

For some reason this hits me emotionally, I fail to really hold back the tears welling in my eyes. Tying to wipe away at my eyes discreetly, Luna notices my odd behavior and moves over to comfort me. Without saying a word she leans against me as we walk, letting me collect myself in peace.

By the time we reach my house it’s become somewhat dark, I invite Luna inside and place the parchment on the dinner table. The house is empty with the fireplace still going. It would be a little bit before Pinkie gets home even with her shortened shift in the winter, most shops closing up earlier than normal to fight the reduced traffic. Pinkie complained about this change one night and I wanted to explain to her the economics behind it but, I was much too busy trying to forget that I was alive.

“We enjoy your place. Last time I only saw from outside but, from where we stand now, it is very calming”

Once I’ve removed my coat I head over to pass out on my couch, today being the most activity in weeks. “Yea... I heard green was a soothing color so kapow, there’s the walls” my voice is muffled from the couch.

She admires most of the interior then heads over to sit with me, taking my head into her lap. I lay there with my eyes closed, rather tired from... well everything.

“Joey?”

“Hmm?”

“Does thou find us... appealing?”

Her question is odd but not enough to make me open my eyes. “Yea your wonderful Lulu”

Silence follows for a bit. “We should remove your collar, it must be rather uncomfortable”

“Oh thanks”

Using her magic she undoes the collar placing it to the side on a coffee table. It’s silent again. “Hey Lu?”

“Yes?”

“What did you mean by that?”

“Mean by what?” She asks innocently.

I open my eyes, “That weird question, what do you mean do I find you appealing?”

“Well what do you think? Tis what we meant”

I open my eyes, “It doesn’t feel like it”

A light blush appears on her face, “And what if it meant more?”

I gulp unsure how to respond. Surely it didn’t mean anything more right?

“... that’s not funny” I say looking away.

Luna pulls my face back, her own now much closer to mine. “Tis not a joke”

Inside I’m frantically panicking for any explanation to how this could be happening. I’m a fucking loser, a depressed nobody! There’s no way this is really happening.

Sure enough she starts to close the gap between us, her face inches from mine.

A sudden noise causes Luna to shoot up away from me in embarrassment, it being just the wind howling at my window. She looks to me clearly struggling with what just happened.

“We’re sorry! We me- I mean I’m sorry!” Before I can protest she magically vanishes from my sight, leaving behind a puff of black smoke.

Sitting in silence I attempt to reboot my brain into solving what just occurred.

She was gonna kiss me, she totally was... the princess. Would that make me a prince?

I shake my head to clear my thoughts. I need a nap before Pinkie gets home., I can’t waste my time worrying about this right now. Time passes by, a sudden movement at the door stirs me awake.

“Joey! Are you home?” It’s Pinkie. She’s unable to see me currently as the back of the couch hides me.

I groan loudly to tell her I’m here. “So Joey how was toda- oh wow where’s all your hair?!”

Oh yeah, Shy cut my hair...

“Shy thought I needed a new look or something”

“I think it looks super strange but, I’m probably use to dingy dirty Joey. You look all clean now!”

“That’s really encouraging” I say sarcastically.

Pinkie giggles, “Oh don’t be such a sour puss, it looks nice. You got that coolest pony at the water cooler look” Her joke is enough to make me smile. She’s surprised, the last time she saw me today I was in a much worse shape. “Did something happen today? I haven’t seen you smile like that in a really really really long time!”

“Look on the table” Pinkie moves over to inspect my gift. “I saw Luna today when I went over to Fluttershy’s and she gave me that”

“What’s it do?”

“It’s like that shit Spike does when he sends a letter only I keep the paper after writing it, bring it here I’ll show ya”

Following my command, she heads over to me with the parchment in her mouth. Dropping it into my hand I unravel the parchment to show its full length, then write a small message addressed to the pony beside me. Rolling it back up, a letter poofs into existence with black smoke. Grabbing it from the air, Pinkie unrolls it to read.

‘Howdy’
~Joe Marshall

“Wowee that’s cool! You can send me letters whenever I go back to see my family on the rock farm!” Pinkie glows brightly as she speaks.

I have to squint to see past her overjoyed glow, “Yea I can send one to anypony, long as I address it”

She turns her focus quickly over to me after rolling up her letter, “So are you feeling better now after today? Maybe tomorrow you could go see one of the other girls?”

Still feeling a little better than normal I give an optimistic response, “Maybe... let’s see tomorrow how I feel”

“Take your time. It’s okay if you don’t feel like going anywhere”

“Today after catching up with Luna I started feeling a little better” Thinking back to what happened makes me blush.

Pinkie of course notices and doesn’t waste the opportunity, “Did something happen between you two? Hmmmm? Something juicy!?”

“Your starting to sound like Rarity”

Pinkie starts to bounce in a circle around the couch singing ‘Joey and Luna rolling in the hay! Kissing and-‘

“Guess somepony wants to sleep in their own room tonight...” She stops dead in her tracks with a ghastly expression.

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Ptfft Ha! Pinkie your addicted, you need an intervention for your cuddle habits” she shakes her head dramatically.

“Nuh uh, nope! I don’t have a problem at all!”

“Clearly you do, I mean I’m sweating like a greased monkey every night from you radiating you lava heat”

She giggles, “That can’t be true, your so warm so there’s no way I’m the one making the bed so hot!”

“I guess your right... my flaming hot bod is probably lighting up the joint” We both share a small laugh.

“I’ve seen you without your shirt and I’ll say... I have no idea what your supposed to look like”

Chuckling I respond, “I’m in okay shape, nothing to brag about or be ashamed”

She seems to think of something before blushing lightly, “I like your body!” She shouts a little to suddenly causing her to cover her mouth with a hoof.

Is she flirting with me? First Luna now her?

I can’t help but blush some, “Alright pervy let’s go easy now”

She proceeds to hop on my chest and lay across me with her head just below my chin. “Your very warm and squishy but not too squishy like my bean bag but enough to really get in there, you know what I mean?”

“So your saying I’m fat but not too fat?”

“Noooo I’m saying your squishy! There’s a difference! See squishy is all... well squishy and fat is lumpy! Your not lumpy at all”

I smile at her childish explanation, “Sure I’m squishy”

By now today’s events seem to really catch up to me, my body starting to feel the pains of moving around after being stationary for so long. As Pinkie shifts some, I groan in pain.

“You okay?”

“I’ll be fine, just need to get used to moving around again”

“...okay just go easy alright, once I saw a pony try to compete in the running of the leaves after staying inside all year and she fainted halfway through! Not saying that your in the falling of the leaves or that you run much... or even do anything athletic” she giggles.

“I’ll have you know I’m pretty athletic if I want to be” she lifts her head to show me she doesn’t believe what I say. “Really I am! I used to play sports back in high school and even dabbled a little with intramural in college”

“What’s intramural mean?”

“Like competitive leagues that are just for fun, the records don’t really matter. It’s something to do to pass the time”

“That sounds fun! Did you play hoofball? Or hoopsketball?” I flick Pinkies head with my finger. “Owie.. why’d you do that!”

“Cause Pinkie why would humans have a sport called hoofball or whatever the other one was called!”

She rubs her head where I flicked her while puffing her cheeks, “Didn’t need to flick me...”

I sigh, beginning to scratch behind her ear to her pleasure. It’s not long before she goes limp against me, falling asleep after her long day at work. I know she’s exhausted after every day but, she’s never tell me, she would hate to worry me. For that behavior the least I can do is help her relax when she gets back home. I look down at her face to see a small snot bubble growing and shrinking with each breath.

Yuck

Reaching for a tissue on the coffee table above my head I accidentally knock the box onto the floor, the noise not enough to wake Pinkie. “Dammit” I whisper, the bubble growing even larger.

Oh just kill me now

Just before my time is up, Pinkie rubs her nose with her foreleg, wiping the snot away and onto my shirt.

Oh my god again!

Ignoring the problem on my shirt, I get up taking Pinkie with me to my room and tuck the little party goer into bed before heading to the bathroom to brush my teeth. As I move from the bathroom over to the bed I’m hit with a lightheaded spurt causing me to stumble and fall.

Pinkie leaps up from her sleep looking around to see me laying on the floor grabbing at my head. “Holy hay Joey! Are you alright? What happened?”

Letting my body gather it’s equilibrium back, I stay seated on the floor. “I don’t know... just feel really dizzy”

“When’s the last time you ate?”

“Um... maybe yesterday?” I say shrugging my shoulders. I did have that hot chocolate but that’s not nearly enough to support me.

Pinkie furrows her brow, “What!? Didn’t Shy make you something to eat?”

“No I didn’t ask her for anything, we were kinda busy doing other stuff. Don’t blame her I mean I was willing to go do shit and we got distracted”

Pinkies frown stays, “Well tomorrow your having a big breakfast whether you want it or not mister!”

Picking myself up I get into bed next to Pinkie rubbing the back of my neck, “Sorry... I’ll try to be better” I give an embarrassed look.

She sighs moving over to hug me as I’m sitting up, “Please be careful... I really worry about you”

Guilt burns away at my insides, making me feel sick. “I worry about you too, I mean it’s okay to say your tired sometimes Pinkie. I understand if I’m being too much of a burden on top of your work. I’ll try to pick it up”

She shakes her head frustrated, “No no it’s fine! Really I’m fine! You shouldn’t be worrying about me, I’ll be okay” I can’t see her face as she remains buried at my side.

“That’s not reassuring”

“Just... please do me this favor and stop worrying”

“Pinkie that’s ridiculous, your the one who said it’s okay to ask for he-“

She lifts herself to face me, her eyes watery and tired. “I’ll be fine!” Her lip quivers.

Instinctively I wrap her in my arms hugging her close, “Let me help you”

She starts to sniff, fighting the urge to cry, “That’s not fair to you... you shouldn’t be the one worrying”

I smile, “I’m not just gonna let one of my best friends suffer”

She starts to shake in my arms, breaking down from this past weeks events. All of the added stress of balancing work with taking care of me has finally busted through. Her breaths are shaky and come in large heaves as tears pour down her face. It’s heartbreaking to see her this way and it’s all my fault. The sickness already brewing inside of me from nightmare night is reinvigorated, my disgust with myself reaching an all time high.

I can’t help but hurt every fucking pony I know... something has to change. First I need to get into Celestia’s library and see if I can get any clues on getting rid of this magic shit, and I think I know just the pony to help me get in there

My thoughts are disrupted by the sudden silence, Pinkie now calmed down. I hadn’t realized it til now but I started stroking her mane while she was crying, it feels too natural to stop now. I don’t have to stop myself though due to Pinkie herself climbing up to face me. Before I realize it she had moved in and placed her lips into mine, my eyes widen in surprise. They’re just like a humans, soft and supple, a sudden feeling clearing the sickness within me and replacing it with uncertainty. Although I’m caught off guard, I can’t help but return the action closing my eyes to push into her. My arm wraps around her back as we start to get more passionate but it’s after a few seconds that my brain catches back up. I pull away blushing heavily while wiping my lips. Pinkie also holds a heavy blush looking into my eyes for an answer.

“That... wasn’t right, we shouldn’t have done that” I look away afraid of what just happened.

“I’m sorry Joey... that was really sudden of me. I’ve... felt something for you for a little bit now and I wasn’t sure what to do about it and I’m really afraid because I don’t know how to handle it anymore! Every day when I’m at work I can’t help but think about you and I want to spend more and more time around you and the feeling in my tummy won’t go away and I’m really really scared” she starts to break down again after this.

I’m shocked, unable to process what’s going on. A pony... my friend has feeling for me and I didn’t realize all this time. I don’t know what to think or say, words escaping me in the moment.

Do I have feelings for Pinkie?

I think about it. Sure I enjoy Pinkies company, and sure I think she’s cute for a pony but anything deeper than that? Is the feeling the same as my first relationship? No, but that one wasn’t instant either, rather it was built after a few months of dating. Maybe Pinkie deserves a chance, she does help so much and I wouldn’t be alive without her. But how much of this feeling inside of me is real and not dependence, I don’t want to have a repeat of the last relationship. Can I comfortably say I like her and it isn’t just the feeling of needing her?

“Pinkie... I” her grip tightens around me.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way... I don’t want this to make things any different between us? It just felt wrong keeping this to myself so I felt like I should tell you” her sobs continue between every few words.

I move her chin to face me, tears still streaming down her face, our eyes meet. “Could you wait for me?” She doesn’t seem to understand. “I don’t know if what I feel is... real. I can’t help but feel dependent of you like I need you in my life but I don’t know if it’s more than that. Could you wait until I feel better for my answer?”

She thinks for a moment then nods in agreement. Quickly we embrace into a hug as she continues to cry into me. Minutes go by til she’s fallen asleep, resting at my side. A whole new issues has brewed its head however, this time it feels a lot more wanted.

It’s the next morning and I awake to a wonderful smell coming from outside the room. I look over to where Pinkie should be to find nopony there. Yesterday’s high had worn off and I now felt shitty again, like wanting to drown myself in the closest sink level shitty. Getting up I take a quick pee and drink some water straight from the faucet, my throat feeling dryer than normal. Once I’ve entered the main room of my home I look to my left to see Pinkie working away in the kitchen at some blueberry pancakes, a small stack already piled upon a plate on the kitchen counter.

We share a glance before blushing, both of us looking away, there’s an awkward tension in the air. “H-hey...” my voice is quiet, uncertain of what to say.

Thankfully Pinkie is much better with small talk then me and initiates the conversation.

“I made you breakfast, I was hoping that it would make you feel better today if you got something in you before going anywhere... if you feel like going anywhere” her face is red but still maintains a confidence.

“Thanks”

Still uncertain if I’m up to the task of going outside, I take a plate and two pancakes over to the dinner table. She has already put out a stick of butter along with some syrup for me to use at the table. I place a small slab of butter on my top cake and drizzle the syrup across its face. Taking a small bite, my mouth is assaulted with various flavors of buttery richness with a hint of blueberry tart.

“This is really good, you always manage to impress me”

She heads over to the table with a plate of her own smiling, “I made these with an extra special secret ingredient!”

I talk between bites, “What’s that?”

“Love” she smiles brightly with her eyes closed. Her face still red hot.

I choke for a second from surprise causing me to clear my throat, “*ahem* maybe we should talk about last night” Her smile falters.

“Sorry”

“No it’s okay I’m just... I’m trying to get used to all this and I don’t really know what to do”

“Would you be more comfortable if we pretended last night didn’t happen because I can stop with the silly talk if your not okay with it”

“That’s not fair to you”

“But you said life’s not always fair Joey!”

I freeze, “Don’t talk like me... that’s not who you are”

“Why can’t you see that your a good pony? Your always trying to make it seem like your a big meanie but I know your not!”

“Maybe you don’t know me then”

Pinkie sits up and places her hooves on the table, “I DO know you! Your nice and caring to me and the girls and you always put others before yourself. Even when your unhappy and don’t feel good you try to go out and help others without letting us worry about you! That’s... that’s why I like you... that’s why I love you” the rant ends with her sitting back down embarrassed, refusing to look my way.

Although I disagree with me being a good ‘pony’ I cannot disagree with everything else she said. “I only help out you girls”

“That’s not true, you helped out Princess Luna as well. She told me about what happened Nightmare Night before...”

The room seems to get heavy, “Please don’t bring up that day, I want to forget it ever happened” the conversation has made me feel full already, my plate still covered with a whole pancake. I get up from the table.

“I’m sorry but you need to eat Joey, you can’t go on like this” she steps in front of me when I go to leave.

“Yes I can”

She stands up on two legs to hold me back, “Please... for me” her voice is filled with a pained sadness.

“... fine but I’ll eat later, I don’t think I’d be able to scarf anything down like this”

Still bothered by my answer she has no choice but to accept, “Okay but I want you to promise me”

“Cross my..”

“Heart hope to fly”

“Stick a cupcake in my eye”

“Stick a cupcake in my eye” the last line sounding monotone.

She seems like there’s something else she wants but is unable to say it.

“What’s wrong?”

“Can I... still hug you?” Her questions pulls at my heart.

I kneel down with arms extended, “of course”

Blushing she slowly moves over and we embrace. We stay like this for a while. Her heartbeat seems to match mine and we synchronize our exhales as time passes. She still smells like pancake batter, some dough sprinkled on her fur. I don’t feel like ever letting go, the warmth leaking into my very core making the loneliness feeling go away. Even my morning sickness seems to vanish in Pinkie hooves, she’s like a cure to my endless illness. We shift some to get more comfortable, our heads on each others shoulders and faces in each other’s necks. Worry fills my head of losing these moments, a future without Pinkie.

“Please don’t leave me” I sound desperate, too busy trying to keep what I have then to worry about embarrassment.

“I wouldn’t leave you Joey... no matter what” The familiarity of her words sting but, they’re exactly what I need right now.

“I’m sorry for being so much trouble” she shushes me, rubbing my back with her hoof.

“Your not any trouble Joey... I love you”

Her words fill me with joy but I can’t replicate the feeling.

“I’m sorry..” guilt tears away at me for letting Pinkie down. “Give me some time and I’ll give you a better response”

“It’s okay if you never do, just make sure your always my friend and I’ll be okay” she pulls away to face me, tears in her eyes. It’s too much for me to handle, my eyes spilling tears down my hot face. I’m unsure why but I don’t want her to see my face like this so I bury it back into her neck.

I won’t fuck things up... not this time

Just like my past relationship I had made the same promise, no matter what to stay friends however this time is different. Now I know the pain, I’ve experienced it and I’ll never let anyone or anypony I know ever go through what I did.

My grip around Pinkie tightens, as if somehow holding her tighter would make the pain go away. She lets me stay like this for a few more minutes until speaking up.

“I still have to go to work today, the Cakes are letting me go in later than usual. Do you need me to get Fluttershy for you?”

I shake my head, “No... I’ll *sniff* I’m going to go to Twilights. *sniff* I promised Spike I’d get him his ... heh dream mare” I’m able to chuckle at the end thinking about the absurdity of my task.

She smiles, “That’s so nice of you to help him but, don’t you know about how Rarity sees him?”

“Yea... I’ll think of something. I’m at least good at that” I give a goofy grin making Pinkie smile even more.

She moves in and gives me another kiss like before only this time it’s quick. “That’s for good luck” she finishes with a wink and her tongue out. We both are crimson faced at the moment.

“Pinkie can you please ask me before you do that?”

She giggles, “Is it okay for me to kiss you?”

“... sometimes but ask me first okay?”

She brightens up leaping into the air, “Okie dokie arta chokie!”

What have I just agreed to?

Getting up I move over to the coat rack and cover myself appropriately for the weather. A pair of timberline like boots, a scarf, beanie, and a large black bubble coat protect my hairless frame from the icy chill waiting outside. Holding the door open for Pinkie, we both head out to our destinations, walking together into town until we get to Twilights. Saying our goodbyes I head inside to see the purple nerd sitting at her service desk. Her face shocked at my arrival.

“Long time no see”

12 Hopeless Romantic

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So as we left off, I’m currently in front of Twilight in the entrance of her library home. Kicking the snow from my boots off onto her rug, I also remove my coat and place it on the coat rack beside me. A few customers remain still around me, eyes locked in my direction like fearful doe. The attention is discomforting yet I don’t let it distract me from my purpose here.

“How’s it going Twi?”

She remains dazed at my appearance then shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts. “I heard you were..” she lowers her voice after looking around, “doing really bad after what happened. Are you okay?”

“Well I wouldn’t be here now if I wasn’t” Looking back to the prying eyes I frown in displeasure. “Could we maybe take this to the other room real quick?”

“Y-yea of course, hold on” Getting up she moves over to work with the ponies still inside.

Faintly I can make out their conversation as I move to the living quarters of her home. “Is he.. like safe? Cause I really worry about-“

It’s all I’m able to make out, shutting the door behind me with a sigh.

“Joey! Hey dude whatcha doing here?” Spike hurries his way over to me with excitement.

“Hey I was looking for you too! What do you say about making today our operation lovesick dragon?” He stares confused for a moment.

“Are you talking about the whole Rarity horde thing from like a month ago? I thought you were pulling my leg”

“What? No! As a matter of fact, I’ve been planing and scheming this whole time” he seems reluctant.

“Twilight said something really bad happened to you and that I shouldn’t bring it up but-“

“But your bringing it up” he goes to apologize but I lift my hand to stop him. “Listen, all you need to worry about is getting your scaly ass a one way ticket into Rarity’s heart. So let’s take all other distractions out of the way for now, okay?” He nods.

“Okay... sorry”

“Stop being such a worry wart, gosh. Twilight must be rubbing off on you..”

He crosses his stubby arms, “I’m not a worry wart, now what’s your big plan?”

Smiling as I walk past him, I grab a glass from the cupboard and pour myself some water. “Let’s hold the questions until we get going”

He puffs some smoke from his nose in frustration, “Fine but it better be good”

“Of course it’ll be good! It’s from me isn’t it?”

“That isn’t reassuring” I chuckle at his remark.

No.. no it’s not

A sound draws our attention back toward the entrance, Twilight entering the room with a concerned look.

“So how are you feeling? Has Pinkie been too much or-“ hearing Pinkies name draws a blush to my face, I look away briefly.

“Oh I’m getting better... and Pinkies been great... really great”

“Well that’s nice to hear!” She fiddles with her hooves a little.

“I assume your wondering why I’m here?” She nods. “Do you remember our promise about a month ago? The one about Spike having Rarity as part of his horde?”

Thinking for a moment revelation hits her eyes, “Oh yeah! You said if something went wrong you’d be a participant with my studies for a week!”

“Shit, I did say that didn’t I”

She smiles approaching me, “Don’t worry, I got a book for you on dragon genetics and what to avoid” then proceeds to offer me a book from the nearby shelf.

I push it away gently, “Trust me I got this, there is absolutely no need for any worry. We’ll just work our magic into making Spikey wikey a real gentleman-“

“Gentlestallion” she corrects.

“Gentlestallion... and then Rarity will be wooed right into his arms. Also gentlestallion? Do you realize how that’s not inclusive to all races?” I say the last part with a nerdy lisp.

She giggles, “Just trying to make you sound smarter”

I puff my cheeks, “I like myself the way I am thank you very much!” It’s not entirely a lie.

“Yes, we all like you for staying true to yourself Joey but, somethings are import to know. How else are you supposed to meet with ponies in Canterlot if you don’t speak properly”

“Let’s just hope I don’t ever have to talk like some snooty noble, plus Lulu likes the way I talk and she’s a fuckin Princess” she scrunches her nose at my vocabulary.

“I’m assuming Lulu is Princess Luna?”

“Yep! She’s pretty cool if ya get to know her”

“I wouldn’t doubt that, Celestia is one of the most interesting ponies I know. The knowledge and experiences they’ve went through is so extensive! It’s always fascinating to hear her talk about the Naponyeon wars of-“ Twi begins to geek off, words beyond my understanding. “You should talk with her sometime and learn about Equestrian history!”

“I’ll pass for now, actually I’ve been meaning to ask you. How do I get to Canterlot? I’d like to surprise Luna sometime and show up to the castle” While that idea would be the initial start of my plan, the next step would be getting her help to enter Celestia’s private library.

“Well there’s a couple of ways really. You could get a train ticket there or have somepony teleport you there but, molecular displacement is beyond my current abilities”

“So I take a train?”

“Yea... I guess you could only take a train” she appears embarrassed a little at her pointless added explanation.

“Silly Twi, always trying to convert me into nerdship, maybe next time” I ruffle her bangs.

She shakes her head knocking away my hand flushed, “It doesn’t hurt to know all of your possibilities!”

“Your real cute when you get all flustered Twi” her blush intensifies.

“Are you two going to keep flirting or are we going to do this?” Spike speaks up impatiently.

“Oops sorry” I chuckle, “We’re gonna get going Twi, see you later. If I’m back early things probably went well”

She’s smiles back, “See you two, and be smart!”

“Wow okay mom”

After shutting the door, we wrap ourselves up and brace for the cold. Stepping outside it’s still early in the day, the sun raised as much as it can for a winter month. We make our way toward the Carousel Boutique, Rarity’s home. Silence covers most the journey until Spike speaks up.

“Do you like Twilight?”

My face quickly switches to embarrassment, “W-what? Where did that come from?”

“Well you seem like you two get along really well. Plus Twilight is... she’s like a mother to me but, I trust you to date her if you feel that way” Spike speaks without any awareness of the situation.

“Dude your saying shit that’s just not normal to say out loud!” I look away watching my breath with each exhale. “... I appreciate the trust though” he looks over to me with a large grin. “I’m not admitting to liking her or anything though! Actually why are we even talking about me, it’s your big day anyways!”

Spike laughs at my reaction, “Alright so what’s your plan?”

“My plan.... is...” I stop myself to think, scratching my facial hair as we walk.

“Wait you don’t even have a plan?”

“Of course I do, we’re gonna...”

“I can’t believe I thought you had a plan...”

“Oh I know! What about we get you some gemstones and increase your horde or whatever and then once you’ve grown some Rarity is sure to be impressed with your new hot bod!”

He shakes his head, “No we can’t do that, I can’t control myself the larger my horde gets... trust me I’ve had experience”

“Couldn’t I just stop you?”

He chuckles, “Yea sure, good luck stopping me when I’m almost your size. Dragons are much more dangerous the larger they get even in small changes”

“Ptfft I’m sure I could stop you”

He stops to look at me with a serious stare, “Trust me”

I’m taken aback a little but regain my composure, “Okay so maybe no to that idea but let’s not throw it completely away” he seems frustrated with my ignorance but brushes it off. “What about we trick Rarity into dressing you up and getting you all handsome and with some forced alone time you can put on the moves or something”

“I don’t get what you mean”

“First we say you need a suit, we say that your going to... Canterlot! Yes Canterlot with me and that you’ll need a suit. Then when you two are alone or she’s doing your measurements you flirt with her some, maybe throw out the idea of a date-“

“How would making me wear a suit make her think any different of me? Plus I don’t have any skill with flirting!”

I sigh, “Look, I’m trying to make things work for you alright... I didn’t want to say this but I’m almost positive she doesn’t see you in that way because of your age”

“But I’m 18!”

“Yes and for ponies they’re not able to give consent til 21 so your like a damn 15 year old to her” I come off a little too harsh, souring the drakes mood.

“...maybe your right, maybe I should just squash this stupid crush until I’m older” he looks up to me with a fake smile, “I’m sure I’ll move on anyways... I mean a pony and a dragon?”

His words hit me deep, I’m ashamed of my actions. “Spike... ignore what I said. I’m just some angry guy who doesn’t understand what he’s talking about or what he’s doing half the time. To be honest, you shouldn’t take any advice from me at all”

“Why not? The girls seem to think more of you than you give yourself credit”

“Because... I’m going through the motions really. I don’t have a plan or a future, hell I don’t even know what’s right anymore but if there’s one thing I’m certain of-“ I place my hand on his shoulder, kneeling down to meet him. “It’s that what you feel is real buddy so let’s make this thing happen alright?”

“..alright”

“What’s that? I can’t hear you”

“Alright”

“Little louder!”

“ALRIGHT!” He yells fire bursting from inside him, the light it emits faintly visible from his nostrils and mouth.

“Fuck yea! Now you said your down for this right? So how about this, we do the Canterlot idea but, when your trying on the clothes I’ll use my silvery tongue to woo Rarity on your behalf”

“But that’s not natural!” His face conflicted.

“Sure it is, I mean plenty of people now have a friend put in the good word. It’s called a wingman”

“You realize you just said people right? Not ponies?” His eyebrow raised.

“And there’s a first for everything. Let me be Equestria’s first wingman”

He thinks about it for a moment as we reach Rarity’s home, turning to me before knocking. “Fine, let’s try it out”

He knocks the door and patiently waits. I lean over and whisper to him, “Plus if this works out she might be considered part of your horde or whatever and you’ll grow to her preference”

He whispers back with anger, “We don’t know her preference!”

At this moment the door opens to the Carousel Boutique revealing a small unicorn filly, white in color with a pink and purple mane. She looks familiar though I cannot remember where from.

“Hiya Spike! And who’s... eep!” She hides behind the door at the sight of me, peeking around to look.

“Sweetie Belle, this is Joey. You might have heard of him from Rarity before right? He’s the human that lives here”

“B-but.. he’s kind of scary and I heard some nasty things about him from other ponies!” Her words don’t bother me at all, it’s just misinformation and I can easily prove to her I’m a cool guy.

“It’s alright if she doesn’t trust me, I’ll just wait outside until you get Rarity” I say with a smile.

This seems to make her feel a little guilty, “Wait.. I’m sorry, my friend Scootaloo already talked to you before. She said you seemed okay... and Rarity says I shouldn’t judge a pony by what others say before meeting them myself!”

Thats a little ironic coming from Rarity

“Great! So is your sister here right now?”

Wait her sister? She has a little sister? Why doesn’t anypony tell me about this stuff

“Yea, I can go get her. You two can come in and wait” Politely I motion for Spike to go first, following after past the frightened filly.

We sit in the waiting room, several fragrances attack my nose. Most of the inside is congested, items of various silks and materials cover the floor along with large purple curtains over the windows. It’s much darker in here than most homes, the once source of light a large chandelier that hangs in the middle of the room. I get a familiar feeling inside here as I do in a clothing store. Looking over to Spike I can see the fear and anticipation in his eyes.

“Dude calm down, it’s gonna be fine” trying to settle him down.

“I don’t know, maybe we should’ve gone with the gem idea”

“Didn’t you say that was a terrible idea?”

“Ugh, I’m putting a lot of trust into you here Joey so if things don’t seems like they’re going right just back out okay? I’m okay with waiting things out anyways”

“Alrighty Spikester, if shit don’t feel right I’ll pull out” It takes a second for Spike to chuckle at my last words. “Real mature..”

“My my, two gentlestallions in my own home? And young Mr. Marshall, I heard of what happened and-“ I start making an x with my hands, shaking my head to stop her behind Spikes back. “-and, well I’m glad to see you here today! How’s my little Spikey wikey doing?” She pinches at his cheek.

“It’s a-always lovely uh a lovely day for me when I get to see you”.

Real smooth buster

“Anyways Rarity, me and the little guy here are planning on heading to Canterlot soon and we need proper attire. Now I’ve already got something from you before so I’m all game but my pal Spike here hasn’t anything to wear. Do you mind fitting him today and getting him something ready before the end of the month? I’ll pay for him”

“Oh Canterot you say? Well I haven’t been there in a little bit myself but I will tell you darling that your new haircut is absolutely dashing for the occasion already. Who made such a handsome young pony of you?”

“It was Fluttershy’s idea really so all credit goes to her” brushing my hair with my hand.

“It looks very well on you, now shall we get my Spikey measured? SWEETIE DO YOU MIND COMING IN HERE REAL QUICK?” She yells toward the back room.

From before, the small filly makes her second appearance. “Dearie could you go measure Spike for me? I’ll be back there with you in a moment”

“Sure but I wanna go over to the Apples after!”

“Okay but be quick then, I wouldn’t want to have my dear friends waiting long” Spike looks back to me worried, I give him a wink.

Once alone with the mare she quickly closes the distance and hugs my side, “I am so sorry for what happened to you darling, once I heard what happened I nearly fainted. How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better that’s for sure but, until yesterday I really didn’t get outside much for the last few weeks”

“Well if there’s anything this mare could do for you don’t hesitate to ask”

“Actually I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Spike” She seems to know where this is going, settling down next to me for a seat.

“I know, I know. He’s been head over heels for me for a while now, I’d be foolish not to notice”

I join her sitting down as well, “So what’s the problem? He’s a nice guy and he clearly cares about you”

She sighs, “That’s the problem, you see Spike isn’t... a stallion yet. At least in my eyes, it feels wrong to have any emotions toward him other than motherly love”

Mom zoned?

I scratch my chin thinking for a moment, “I guess I could see how that’s an obstacle”

“Surely you can tell him the truth, I’ve found it much too difficult to convey this, I wouldn’t want to hurt him”

“Do you think you could ever see him a different way?”

“Perhaps when he’s grown some and I don’t mean that physically however, that would be an added bonus for this mare though..” she says with a small smile.

“Could you at least give him a chance? Like one date, you owe him that much at least”

She thinks for a few seconds, “I’m sure you could relate with me when I say this, there are some things you can’t ignore”

“I guess... I mean dating a pony for me would be very strange. Like really strange but, I’m definitely open for it at one point. What I’m trying to say is he’s done so much for you, he’s of age, and you do love him so why not see if there’s anything more to it?”

“When you put it that way I guess I could give it a try, maybe I’ve been ignoring my feelings because I felt like it was wrong”

“And it’s alright to feel like it’s wrong but, you can understand and know that it’s okay right?”

“I guess”

“Alright, so give love a shot!” I cringe at hearing the words leave my mouth.

Rarity giggles, “Aren’t you a one with words, I’ll talk with him once you’ve left”

“That’s great, thanks Rarity for being open about... well all of this”

“Was this the only reason for you two being here?”

“Well no I really do need to go to Canterlot and was wondering if I should wear anything special or?”

“It’s a tourist attraction daring, you can wear whatever but, if you are planning to meet in the castle it would be wise to have formal attire”

I make a mental check note, “Ok I’ll remember that... so should I head out and leave Spike to you?”

“Yes that’ll be fine but could you walk Sweetie Belle to the Apples farm for me? I would hate to have her wait until I’m ready to take her”

“Sure! That’s easy”

“I’m glad to be able to rely on you. Pinkie has said just the most wonderful things about you I was sure I could trust you” once again the mentioning of Pinkie makes me blush.

“Uh.. that’s nice to hear, she didn’t say anything um...”

“Let’s just say you two seem to be very close” she winks.

“Hey Sweetie Belle, Rarity asked if I could walk with you to the Apples so let’s go now!” I can hear the noise of a small pony rushing in our direction.

“And Joey”

“Yea?”

“Do practice safe habits, it would be awfully selfish of you to make Pinkie take time out of her youth for fillycare”

Just then Sweetie bursts through the door with excitement. “Really Mr hooman? Can we go, can we go now?” She looks to Rarity for approval.

“Yep, your sister is going to have her hands full so we should get going as soon as possible” I say while scooping the filly up and placing her over my shoulders in a piggyback.

“Woa, hey I can see everything from up here!” Immediately it seems her fear of me is gone, replaced with excitement of a new found ride.

“See ya Rarity, take care of my boy would ya? He’s real special to me”

“Yes dearie I most certainly will” giggling as she speaks.

Moving forward I exit the house with the filly on board, using my scarf and winter cap to keep her from the cold. She enjoys the ride and even asks me to speed up some as we travel. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t having fun. Not much later, we arrive at the farmstead, I set her down on the porch leading up to their entrance and knock on the door. We’re greeted by old Granny Smith, Applejacks grandma who I only remember the name of because our first encounter.

While working on the farm for one of the few times I helped out, when we were on break the old mare snuck up on me and whacked me with a fucking cane! She thought I was some sort of hairless werewolf that was ‘hiding’ out in the farm even though I was right there in the open! Either way that’s not really important to what’s going on now.

Sweetie Belle heads inside and I say my goodbyes with Granny, heading back toward Twilights now to deliver the good news. Not only did nothing go wrong but, I didn’t even need any of my well thought out and crafted plans. It’s not long before I’m back, the sign to the library now saying closed. Walking in I enjoy the welcoming heat of the home, surrounding me with its delightful grace.

“Kinda quiet in here” I say aloud, noticing a distinct lack of nerdy mare.

As I open the door leading upstairs I can faintly hear Twilight doing some sort of organizing. Sneaking up on her, able to get very close until she senses the impending danger. She spins around but, unlike Dash her reflexes are slow allowing me to scoop her up and take her over to the couch.

“J-Joey! What are you doing back so early? And where’s Spike?”

I pin her down under me smirking, “Guess what! Nothing went wrong and those two are probably on a date right now” she turns her head confused.

“Your kidding, like you really pulled it off.. anything nothing went wrong?” I nod yes. “Nothing? Nothing at all?” I nod even harder. She can’t fight back a smile, “I gotta hand it to you, I’m impressed”

“Yep and in payment I’ll be taking some Twilight tickles for not believing in your boy” her eyes widen.

“Wait no that wasn’t pa-“ she interrupted by the most severe of tickles, she can only squirm against my assault. “P-please.. I can’t breath” she struggles to talk, laughing endlessly from my merciless behavior.

I stop once I feel like she needs a break, “You’ve been a very naughty pony”

Twi giggles as she wipes away the tears in here eyes, “Yes I have now let me go or I’m gonna pee myself”

I laugh and hop off her only to be unexpectedly knocked down myself, Twilight taking control of the situation. “Hey! I stopped like you asked!”

“Yes and you didn’t need to tickle me in the first place! That’s wasn’t even part of our deal!”

“I should at least get something, it’s rigged as shit if your the only one to get anything”

“Didn’t you get the satisfaction of helping out a friend” she says sarcastically.

“Real rich coming from the friendship entrepreneur”

“That doesn’t even make sense, how could an individual run a business on friendship?”

I shrug my shoulders, “I don’t know, maybe sell a pony one friend for the day and the pony has to do whatever they want... with exceptions of course”

“Hmm, perhaps. That does sound really sad though, couldn’t they make real friends instead?”

“It’s not that easy in my world as it is here” she frowns.

“How many friends did you have before? If your okay with telling me” hesitation in her voice.

Past memories begin to swell my head, it’s not long before I remember that they’re the last I’ll ever have with my friends. It starts to tug at my heart, making me feel sick.

“I had a few, some close, some not. All in all, maybe... 15 legit friends, the rest I would call acquaintances. There was one friend however that it stings the most, we’d been buddies since we were kids... like really young. Around the time I was brought here he wasn’t doing to well and I just hope he’s okay now without me... god I feel like shit for leaving him like that”

Twilight hugs me close, “But you didn’t leave him on purpose!”

“Doesn’t make a difference really... I disappeared. Probably thinks I’m dead” The once great mood had now drastically fell, I notice this quickly and attempt to change the subject. “Let’s talk about something else, what’s Twilight been up to? Reading new books? magical experiments?” I wave my fingers all spooky like.

Clearly still bothered about what I had said earlier, she answers my question anyway. “Truthfully I’ve been looking for a way to fix your issue, I haven’t had any luck though” she looks down with disappointment.

“That’s fine, and you shouldn’t worry about me Twi, I’ll figure this whole thing out myself. Plus I think I got a solid lead” she tilts her head to the side. “Remember that journal you gave me? The one about the origin of pony suicidal behavior? Well I think looking into the stallion who caused all this would be a great start right?”

“Quantum Matter?” She sounds almost disappointed.

“Yea so I figured the only place where I could find more info on him must be Celestia’s own private library. I’m sure she’s got info on all kinds of secret shit in there” Looking over I see Twi bothered by something. “What?”

“Joey Celestia already looked into him the first week your magic showed up... there’s nothing, no leads onto what he did. He never even wrote down the spell he had casted making it impossible to reverse it the normal way”

“Can’t she use some sort of spell and go back in time to see him preform it? Wouldn’t that work?”

“Joey there isn’t a spell for everything... even Starswirl the bearded never figured out time travel that far back”

“So you can time travel?”

“Some ponies can, only the strongest magic users but it’s limited to only a day and even then you can’t change the way things are meant to happen” I begin to feel the hope drain from my body.

“Should we just give up?”

“What? No! I’m sure we can figure something out, I mean the girls and I have solved every issue that’s came our way. Give me time... and I’ll think of something, just some more time is all I need” I can sense her desperation, it’s clear now how unlikely it is for me to fix my issue.

“It’s fine anyways... I mean taking breaks from the collar seems to help out”

“That’s good to hear, so Celestia’s hypothesis was correct!” It’s a small victory to Twi.

“She sure was...” suddenly at this point in dawns on me, how could she know exactly what to do? She’s hiding something isn’t she? This furthers my resolve to get into her library, certain now there’s something that awaits me at my arrival.

Lost in thought Twilight scoots herself in a better position atop of me, getting comfortable and dug in to her human pillow. Glancing down at her sleepy face I can’t help but smile, she’s absolutely adorable.

“Hey Twi?”

“Hmm?”

“You gotta let it go” she opens her eyes at this acting confused.

“What do you mean? There’s nothing I’m holding onto”

I nod my head, “Yes... yes there is, it wasn’t your fault and even if you don’t believe me you know I’ve completely forgiven you”

She closes her eyes again and rubs her face into my chest, “It was so stupid, I can’t believe I let myself be so unprofessional” I start to stroke her mane, listening to her as she speaks. “I mean your an absolute deity to be so forgiving. I might have permanently scarred you and you don’t even want me to fix what I’ve done”

“It’s my problem now and I gave you permission from the start. Being real with you, if you asked permission for whatever you did in the moment I’m positive I would have said sure then too”

She buries her face into me, her messy hair all roughed up from hours of frantic work. Although my hand combats it’s several cowlicks, it’s a losing battle. “I’m such a terrible friend”

“Hey now that’s where we draw the line, your a great friend Twi. You even kept trying to fix my issue even after I told you before to not worry”

“Yes but I know more about magic and this is all my doing so at the least I should be trying to help you”

“And you are-” she lifts her head to look at me. “by being there for me when I fuck up” I smile at her and boop her nose, she scrunches her muzzle at the touch.

“Joey you don’t.. fuck up like I did” the word sounds so foreign leaving her mouth, I can’t help but laugh.

“Heh, that was perfect and yes I do, all the time”

“Name once!”

“Okay... when it was the night I told Pinkie what happened-“ the atmosphere seems to get thick. “... I.. seriously thought about taking my life. I even took that medication you gave me and had enough to surely put me down but... I panicked” Twilight seems incredibly interested into what I have to say, her focus poured directly into me. “If I went through with my plan that night... I couldn’t ever forgive myself for the pain I would’ve cause you all”

“I-I’m so sorry... I didn’t know you were hurting so bad”

“No it’s fine, I was being selfish” I hug her closer. “Let’s be glad that I’m still here right now and I can appreciate the friendship we have together”

She giggles suddenly after a few seconds of hugging, “You really sound like a pony now”

My face blushes lightly, “Shit your right, maybe I need to take a break from all this cuddly pony life. I mean seriously, I like to cuddle sometimes but, you ponies are so into physical intimacy”

She smiles rubbing her face against mine, “It’s normal for us to like attention, ponies love to communicate our feelings through cuddling!”

Squinting my eye to avoid her fur I scratch behind her ear, neutralizing the pony on my chest. She goes limp almost immediately, her eyes half lidded in pure ecstasy. “I guess your right” I chuckle to myself.

It’s not until I stop that she comes back to her senses, a blush growing on her face. “Woa, that was... really nice. Would you... keep doing whatever it was you were doing?”

“Sure” I smile, going back to work on her scalp. She practically clay in my hands, unable to put up any resistance. “You really are adorable like this”

Twilights blush remains and her eyes stay closed as well. “Less talking, more scratching”

To her pleasure I continue on until I feel she’s fallen asleep, resting my arm over the snoring pony. Taking a closer look I start to realize how much Twilight looks like a person almost, carrying even eyebrows somehow along with other similarities, like her person shaped face from straight on. It’s strangely comforting, almost like I’m with another person, not trapped on a planet filled with absurdities comforting a sentient pony. The whole thought of this being a possibility is insane even retrospectively. I brush her bangs away to look more into her facial features, completely engulfed in curiosity.

“What a lovely little face” I say to nobody in particular, caressing her mane with my other hand.

“Why don’t you two kiss already” The whispering voice interrupts my peace, startling me but not enough to make me wake the slumbering pony. I angrily glare behind me at Spike, recognizing his voice all to well.

“What are you doing back here so quick?! Didn’t you have a date or something?”

“Thanks... by the way for making that a thing and all but, we’re planning on doing that another day. Rarity said she wanted to give me her full attention and that if we went today she’d be selling me short” face covered by a fat smile.

“That’s awfully nice of Rarity” I go back to scratching Twi then return my angry glare. “Wait a minute, fuck you. Me and Twi’s relationship is platonic alright. Stop trying to make shit into existence that isn’t already there” my whispery voice reaching rather loud in tone.

Twi stirs a bit yet remains out cold, her snore however gone. “I don’t know, you seem to be getting awfully touchy there don’t ya think? And calling her lovely? What else could that mean besides the flow of love, a current eroding away at the hard rock wall that is your facade, a fake portrayal of your true self” he speaks poetically with a hint of sarcasm.

“What the fuck... was that”

“Your lying to yourself”

“Lying about what? Loving Twilight?” My gaze moves to her face, it’s innocence lays with its stillness, unfazed and in peace. “So she’s a little cute, I can admit that much but, that doesn’t mean shit. I think all of the girls are cute in their own way”

“Do you call all the girls lovely and stroke their mane while they sleep?”

My face fills with embarrassment, “I’m sure I’ve done it more than once...”

“And do you kiss all the girls on the forehead before you leave? I saw you do it before you know”

“I-I...” I stammer, unsure what to say.

“How about you let me hook you up with Twi! I mean you helped me with Rarity and I didn’t ask for help at all, it’s the least I can do”

“Can you stop? I don’t think of Twilight in that way”

“Can you say that to her face?” I look back to Twi, her eyes closed and breathing still slow. I hesitate, something holding me back. “Cmon she sleeping, it’s not like she can hear you”

“I don’t...” Twi’s face fills my vision, thoughts of previous jokes and time spent together starts to go through my brain. A warmth brews within me, similar to the same feeling I have with Pinkie although not a feeling of butterflies or nervousness, like that of a crush. I’m unsure even what to think of it. “I don’t know... maybe I like her” I stop myself there.

As if Spikes grin couldn’t get any larger, it seems like he might explode from giddiness. “Ooooo Joey has a thing for Twiiiiilight!”

My face is crimson, looking away to a now blushing Twilight as well. Wait... blushing? She must have heard what we were saying!

“Uh... are you awake?” I shake her some with my arm. She responds by shaking her head no, burying her face into my chest.

“Looks like my work here is done! I’ll be off in my room if you two need me... and don’t worry I’ll be too busy to hear anything anyways” he winks.

I’ll strangle the little rat! This is how he repays me!?!

Once Spike has left the scene, I release a big sigh in preparation for the next conversation. “How much did you hear?”

“From the part where Spike was asking you to say something to my face” her voice is low, muffled from my shirt.

Thinking back to the recent conversation this feels redeemable. “Sorry for... making things awkward”

We lay in silence, both of us unwilling to make the next move. Twi speaks up very quietly, “I don’t mind it...” she hesitates for a second then continues. “You... liking me, IF you actually do of course”

I decide to play dumb, “Of course I like you, your the only pony smart enough to outwit me” sarcasm laced in my voice.

“Joey! Ugh... stop pretending to not know what I’m talking about, did you really mean what you said or..?” She lifts her head to face me, eyes gleaming in anticipation.

“Twilight the last two months have been an absolute train wreck, I don’t even know what to think anymore...” I lift her off me and put my hands in my hands. “I don’t know what to do and there is so much shit going on I can’t tell. I’m trying, I really fucking am but I feel overwhelmed! Maybe I do like you... maybe I don’t. All I know is that I’m wearing a stupid collar and one of the few friends I have here is stuck taking care of me cause I might go kill myself if I have the slightest problem and I keep having panic attacks cause I’m a complete mess!”

She puts her hoof on my back stroking lightly, “Tell me what’s wrong, maybe I can help”

I grumble in frustration, “I’m the fucking problem that’s what’s wrong”

“No, what are all these things that are bothering you? I heard talking out your problems to another pony is very therapeutic”

“Did you read that in a book?” She guiltily smirks while shrugging. With a deep breath I start telling her the events leading to this point, even the confession with Pinkie and my moment with Luna. “-And now this whole thing with you... I don’t want to make things weird between us”

Twi smiles, “That would never happen, we’d squash it out! I mean let’s get rid of the tense air in here right now. I’ll tell you how I feel and then you tell me, alright?”

“Okay”

“Okay! I... oh this is so much harder than I thought. I-I... like you as more than a friend!” she speaks the last line almost too fast for me to hear. “Now your turn!” Her face is red like a tomato.

Seeing how things have been going lately I’m not surprised at what she has to say. “Did you just forget the part where I told you Pinkie and Princess fuckin Luna were crushing on me? How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that!”

“With your feelings now hurry up I’m going to die from embarrassment if you don’t give me an answer”

Facepalming, I take a deep breath in and out. “I don’t know”

“What do you mean I don’t know?!”

“What part of I don’t know do you not understand! I said earlier I don’t know what I’m feeling... maybe it’s something or maybe I’m just latching on for attention!”

If she could, it would seem she was pinching the bridge of her nose, “How about this, did you enjoy when Pinkie kissed you? Did it make you feel any different?”

“...no. Well... I guess but, she kissed me alright how am I supposed to feel nothing?!”

“What if you kissed me?”

“Are you trying to get me mono?” She doesn’t understand the word. “I can’t just go around kissing every pony that says they like me just to see if I feel any different”

“Why not? It’s just a kiss Joey”

She makes me feel like I’m acting childish, and I can’t help but agree, “I guess your right but!” I place a finger out to signify one condition. “I’m only doing this once!”

“That’s fine... but you have to initiate it, I can’t possibly will myself to do it now with all this pressure”

“It was your idea!”

She closes her eyes with anger, “Just... kiss me” her eyebrows remain downward yet she leans forward somewhat.

I pull at my shirt collar, things seeming rather warm compared to earlier. Taking a gulp, I lean in and close my own eyes, the distance seemingly forever. Then suddenly, I feel her lips brush against mine only to embrace my own. Instinctively I pull her close, our heads moving to the sides to avoid bumping noses, I work against her force with a loving touch. Her scent overwhelms me, thoughts filled with desire. Like a dying man would clasp to his water, my lips do not part for any reason. Things don’t get Intimate enough for any tongue play but, as we pull away for a breather, I have to wipe away a strand of spit. There’s a lightness in my chest, unfamiliar from what I’ve experienced before with my first love, a feeling of energy almost. Our faces are heavily flushed, eyes now connecting.

“Woa... that was... a lot” she takes deep breaths with me.

“Yeah...” Part of me wishes to continue but the rational part of me begs for reason. Twilight places her hoof against my chest, moving in for more. Feeling compelled I move forward for an instant before stopping, “We shouldn’t... let me think about things for a few days... is that okay with you?”

Although saddened by the halt, she thinks for a second only to nod in agreement, “I did promise you just one but, ...could we maybe do it one more time?”

Her pressure makes me feel guilty for not continuing and even uncomfortable somewhat for her not respecting my decision however, I do not hold any grudge knowing how desperate she must feel. “Twilight please... understand how your making me feel saying that”

Her eyes widen then look away shamefully, “I’m sorry”

I give her a reassuring hug that there’s no issue and stand up to head toward the door, “I should really get going”

She sits ups moving toward me for a second, “I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable Joey”

I shake my head no, “No I totally get it, shit happens and it was just a suggestion. Nobody got hurt” I smile.

It doesn’t seem to completely sway her attitude but, enough to let her drop the subject. “Okay... do you want me to walk you home?”

Forgetting the reversed gender roles of Equestria it’s rather embarrassing to be thought of as helpless alone. After what happened on Nightmare Night though, I can’t argue with her worry. “Sure”

Journeying toward my home, our conversation remains on other topics then what had just occurred, likely for the best.

“Spike was as big as town hall I’m telling you!”

“Yea yea... and I bet Dash was there too wearing a pink dress and high socks”

“Ugh you don’t have to believe me, I know what happened” there’s a brief break, the silence filled with the crunching of our steps. “I... I heard a gist of what happened... during Nightmare Night”

Immediately my mood turns sour, I let her continue with an angry expression.

“But, I don’t know exactly how it happened. Was it... like an attack?”

“You know the saying curiosity killed the cat?”

Looking away she responds in a low voice, “Sorry”

Her deflated posture tugs at my insides for some reason, I do something uncharacteristic. “Pinkie was in line for the costume party and I thought I saw Luna flying above. So I figured if I got alone she’d surely try to prey on me right? I tell Pinkie I’m going to the bathroom and I run over somewhere near that little park near the center of town and my plan works. Me and Luna shoot the shit-“

“Shoot the s-shit?” She stumbles over the word.

“We talked, joked around. Anyways we talk and she flys off” my face starts to get dark, a clear change in expression. “Then it happened... that pony” I clench my fists, tears welling in my eyes.

I have to stop, placing my hand on a nearby lantern post. I wipe away the moisture and take a few deep breaths. “You don’t have to tell me anymore” Twilight slowly walks up to me, bothered at seeing me like this.

“No, I do. Maybe if I tell you what happened you can give me some sort of tip of how to defend myself from it”

“I don’t understand, how could I help?”

“It was some mare, she was... the daughter to a fucking loser I beat down and she wanted revenge. She bounded me using some sort of bullshit magic and held be down from moving”

“Like, your limbs? She held them down with magic?

“Yea...” I turn to Twi, “Then she fucked me!” I give a twisted smile delivering the line like a sick joke, tears pouring down melting the snow.

Twilights face is a mixture of horrified and distraught. “Oh Joey” she rushes over to hug me on two legs.

I give her a quick hug and pull away, “Please let’s hurry up, I want to go home”

“Okay” she responds lightly, as if her voice alone could break the cracked glass that is my emotions.

It’s very quiet the rest of the way, nothing said until we reach our destination. “I’m going to do some research into spells or wards that can protect you from this ever happening again. And Joey, I’m really sorry about what happened”

“I appreciate that, stay safe heading home” she give me a pained smile and heads back to her home. “Twilight” my voice stops her, “Your a good person, and a better friend”

Instead of correcting me she appreciates what I have to say, taking my use of person as meaning something more, something personal. After soaking in my words she continues back home, I watch her go until she reaches a point over the hill heading back into town. Turning around I place my ear against the door to hear for anypony inside, it’s silent.

Opening the door, a surprising sight is before me, Pinkie completely passed out on the couch, still wearing her work clothes, the hat laying on the floor beside her. Normally she takes off her work clothes before she gets home but, it appears today she was a little too tired to care. Approaching the sleeping equine it becomes more obvious she had come home straight from work and passed out on the couch, powdered dough left scattered on her coat. I grab a book from the nearby shelf and sit down next to her, placing her head in my lap. She makes a funny face, her tongue barely sticking out.

What a goofball

Flipping through the first pages I began my reading, it’s a fictional story seemingly based on the human version of Lord of the Rings. This story carries a different name as well including a different main artifact. The title seems almost like an all female cast reboot named ’Queen of the Rings’, the one ring based off a ring unicorns place around the base of their horn rather than around a finger. Through what I’ve read so far, it seems to be almost identical with few inconsistencies here and there, mainly names. Letting myself enjoy the book while Pinkie gets some much needed rest, what’s left of the day seems to vanish. At some point late in the night I become tired as well, placing the book down and lean back into the couch. I remember to actually remove my collar this time and enjoy a nice rest comforted by the sleeping companion at my waist.

A light dream fills the void that is beyond conciseness, it’s sudden ending caused from a fall from grace. It was a memory of watching Dash fly around only I was able to join her, wings of my own carrying me through the sky. This was brief, as Dash suddenly looked to me and said, “Believe in yourself stupid, otherwise you’ll never fly!”. Staring on confused, it’s at this moment the wings on my back disappear bringing me crashing back down to reality.

I bolt forward from the dream, my heart beating away in my chest, a bird looking to escape its cage. Placing a hand to my forehead I realize I’m drenched in sweat.

“Bad dream?” The voice below me draws attention. It’s Pinkie of course.

“Something like that”

“I hate bad dreams but, my pa used to always say ‘No dream is a bad dream! They all have a purpose!’” She gives her best stallion voice.

Remembering back to when I helped Pinkie clean out her room, the picture of her former home the rock farm came back to me.

“Hey, what was it like living on a farm?”

“Hmm” she places a hoof against her chin in thought. Taking a better look at Pinkie now that she’s awake, it’s very noticeable the difference in her mane. Instead of the normal poofy state, it was held back into a small curly bun. The normal end of her hair that sticks outward was now closer to her head as well, looking more closely related to bangs at this point but, was still the same form. Truthfully it was professional for a pony of Pinkies standards... and a little cute.

“There’s the early mornings and early nights. Then the pulling carts for all the rocks, my sisters and I generally had our own... ooo and mine was pink! Well not pink originally... or even for long, pa said it wasn’t right to try and stick out. That we were a family and families stick together” her off topic subject seems to bring up bad memories, her face now much more somber.

Bringing my hand down I scratch behind her ear, she moves into the touch. “Felt like you needed to get out?”

“Yea... I could tell I was a little different” she giggles sheepishly.

“I think you did what’s best for you Pinkie and that’s all right”

“Still feel like I kinda abandoned them...” she frowns.

“You still visit right?” Nodding yes to my question I continue, “Then what’s the problem? Clearly your meant for bigger and brighter things, like being the element of laughter”

“Anypony could have done that”

“Bullshit, your the most energetic and charismatic pony I know. You practically bleed excitement, it’s pretty helpful getting me motivated. Now if you can tell me another pony with as much drive as you then I’ll admit I’m wrong”

“But I’m the element of laughter! Not... spirit! I’m supposed to make ponies laugh not be the life of the party. That’s my hobby, what I like to do!”

“Who said your just supposed to make ponies laugh? I think the title means your supposed to bring joy to others”

“Wouldn’t it make sense for me to be the element of joy then?”

“Not everything is supposed to make sense Pinkie, even you should know that with your weird party bag and your... knowledge of suspicious things”

She puffs her cheeks, “Maybe your right... but you have no room to talk mr not selfish pants!”

“Me? I’m selfish all the time like.... when I stayed home for the past few weeks instead trying to get better”

“That’s wasn’t being selfish dingus! That was being stoopid!” She pushes her hoof against my forehead, still resting on my lap.

I pull the hair back that hangs in front of her face admiring her appearance, “Yea I guess your right, that’s why I’m planning on getting into Celestia’s library. I bet there’s for sure something there that’ll help and it’ll beat laying around waiting for someone else to fix my problem”

Pinkie notices me admiring her face and blows me a kiss. I pretend grab it from the air and throw it behind my back, she pretends to be horrified from my action. We share a laugh.

“For real though, I have to stop being a whiny bitch and actually do something”

“What if you do something for yourself for a change. That way you won’t be a mommy dog!” She excitedly shouts.

“Heh, mommy dog.. and what do you mean?”

“I meeeean what do you like to do? What’s a Joey do when he’s super bored or got nothing to do!”

“I don’t know, play video games, jerk off?”

She scrunches her face a giggles, “Yucky, you do that every time your bored?”

“Ha, not every time... even a man has to know his limits”

“I really hope this is some sort of human joke but, seriously what makes you happy?”

“Uh... friends? Hanging out with friends.. those who get my jokes or can make me smile”

“There you go! Now ask somepony to make time for you and go watch a movie or go to a restaurant or-“

“Sounds more like a date”

“What did you mean then by hanging out with friends?”

“Well.. I guess anything works really, as long as we’re together and having fun. Shit now that I think about it, I really miss my friends back on Earth” normally I try not to think about the past, bringing nothing but pain now.

“I guess I should’ve seen that coming... I’m sorry Joey” her ears lower against her head.

I shake off the feeling, “Nah don’t let me ruin your idea. How about the girls join me in going to Canterlot? I have to go there eventually so planning this the earlier the better!”

She moves close and places a huge kiss right on my lips, “*Smack* that’s a great idea Joey! I’ll tell all the girls this week and I’m sure they’ll find time!”

Somehow she’s not embarrassed while I’m red hot. “I said to ask me first! And I’ll tell the girls, I shouldn’t make you do anymore work than your already doing”

“Whaaaaat? I’m fine!” Waving her hoof at me nonchalantly. “I hardly do anything anyways”

“Tell that to the one still wearing their work clothes, passed out on the couch” for some reason this makes her blush rather than the kiss.

“So I was a little tired today but, that doesn’t mean anything. I can keep going for days and days and days and days and-“

“And days, yea yea save it for the judge” I say while picking her up in a baby hold. “Cmon sleeping beauty, we gotta get you in the bath cause you stink like *sniff* actually you smell pretty good but, your dirty so let’s go”

“Could you call me a dirty mare?” She asks seductively.

“No” I say with a flat expression.

She pouts all the way to the bathroom where I set her down and move to the door. “Wait! Can you wash my back? I’m kinda sore and I can’t really reach around that far plus-“

“You just said like 10 seconds ago that you could go on for days and days!”

“Ten seconds is a long time Joey, you could eat a piece of cake in ten seconds or..”

“What? No you couldn’t that’s absurd”

“How about we argue over it while you wash my back?” She gives a cheeky smile.

“What if I say no and go to bed?”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

At that I turn around and head out the room, “I dareeeeee”

Laying in bed for half an hour reading, I’m greeted by a grumpy looking Pinkie, recently dried with a poofy coat. I cover my mouth with a hand to suppress my laughter.

“I can’t believe you didn’t help me” she grumbles while getting under the covers.

“First off, you said that I should do what I want. Secondly, you kissed me when I said specifically to ask first”

She’s unable to protest, settling for facing away from me. Placing the book down at the nightstand beside me, I blow out the last candle light within the home. It’s not long before I can feel Pinkie sneak over to me, hugging my side. Placing an arm around her, it’s easy to drift away.

13 A Dash of Recklessness

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A week passes since the kiss with Twilight and I still haven’t given an answer. She insists it’s fine, that I forget about it but, that’s completely unacceptable to me. I tell her to give me more time, that I’ve been overwhelmed lately. In reality it’s because of my plan, an idea of how I’ll break into Celestia’s private library. Of course I’m counting on Luna support in the matter yet I still need a backup plan if things go awry.

The first step was getting all of the girls to believe I want to check out Canterlot, that it’s a great opportunity for us all to have a little vacation. Seeing how Twilights relationship with Celestia is so close, having a stay within the castle is guaranteed. Now it would be untrue to say that’s the only reason, cause I actually do wish to spend time with everypony and seeing how I’m stuck here it’s best to go check out the sights. It’s a perfect plan. Beside Pinkie, there is no other pony that knows the hidden meaning behind the trip and I’d like to keep it that way.

Currently I find myself building a snowpony with Dash and the ‘cutie mark crusaders’, apparently the name of a group the three fillies Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom are a part of. Something about finding their cutie marks, the weird butt tattoos that everypony has. Of course this led to them to asking to see my mark which led to an awkward explanation on how humans sometimes live without ever knowing their purpose or calling.

“That’s real sad Mr. Hooman, don’t ya think you should know yer special talent?” The farm filly Applebloom asks.

“Hmm nah, I think if you put your mind to it, you can be good at almost anything”

“But.. don’t you want to know your cutie mark? I mean I think it would be really cool to find out what I kick butt at!” That’s Rainbow Dash jr speaking.

“Okay what if I told you something about this very question back on Earth?”

Immediately the three fillies stop working on building the snowpony and rush to my side, eyes gleaming with excitement.

“Ooo can you tell us can you tell us!”

“Yea I’d like to here about alien stuff too!”

Dash stops as well, chewing on a carrot from our previous shopping trip. “You never tell me anything about your planet dude, so this better be good”

“Jeez it’s not really all that much, just some lyrics from a song I liked”

“Hoomans have music too?”

I laugh, “Yea of course, not like we were savages. We had some sophistication” I hold my nose high.

Dash laughs and punches my shoulder, “HA, yea okay big guy. Tell us the lyrics than”

I rub my shoulder from her punch, the impact always more painful than I remember. “Alright.. alright settle down. So there was an artist I always liked to listen to and he went by a different name then his original born with one, something humans do a bunch for professions like this”

“Shome shonies do that shere Joey” Dash retorts while crunching loudly.

“And some ponies eat with their mouth closed. Anyways as I was saying, his name really isn’t important but what he said in a certain song always stuck out to me. He sings, ‘at times wonder my purpose, easy to then feel worthless but peace is something that starts with me’” The girls seem to be in thought over what I had actually said while Dash looked to me with a grin.

“I like that! That’s like... saying only you can make your own peace, right?”

“I guess, I mean I always interpreted it to mean that it’s up to you to not feel worthless, that you have control over that feeling and can work to avoid it”

“Well I’ve never felt that way, I’m a future Wonderbolt! A Wonderbolt can’t have any doubts in their abilities and the same goes for me” she stands proud of her confidence.

I flick her head with a finger, “Your about as cool as a freshly laid egg”

“Ow, hey! What do you know about being cool?”

“Not a da- dang thing. It’s not cool if your actively trying to be cool Dash, it’s something that comes naturally”

“Sure buddy, whatever helps you sleep at night. Anyways did you realize that Hearths Warming Eve is like next week?” This is new news to me!

“What? Your kidding?” Meanwhile the conversation seems to have bore the crusaders back to their snowponies.

“What? You never noticed all the decorations getting put up all month? How blind are you?”

I let my voice get real low so the girls can’t hear me, “Oh I’m sorry did I forget to mention I was sicker than shit for a month until about one week ago?” I let myself get a little angry, taking a deep breath to calm down.

“Oh yea... sorry” she circles her hoof around into the snow.

It’s awkward for a bit until Dash takes another carrot from the bag. I reach my hand out toward her, refusing to look that way. “Can I have one?” It brings a little smile to her face as she hands one over. I take a loud bite into the veggie, “Thanks, and sorry about... getting all mad”

“Eh we all get mad, what are ya gonna do”

Appreciating her forgiveness I wrap her with one arm while lifting her onto two legs, “Such a great friend I got here, would run through a wall for me”

She’s squished against my body blushing from embarrassment. Eventually Dash is able to push off away from my grasp. “Easy you big dope, what do I look like? A pillow?”

“Sometimes you do but right now?” Taking a moment to inspect the grumpy pony while biting my carrot I continue, “Ehhh, more like an emotional lesbian”

Dash looks over to the girls seeing that they were to preoccupied to notice me say that, relief comes across her figure. “Joey that’s not funny right now. What if one of the girls heard you say that?”

“Oh cmon we’re just playing, you know I’d clear up any misunderstanding for you if things went too far”

“For some reason I don’t believe that” she speaks under her breath, loud enough for me to hear.

I laugh and move over beside Scootaloo, placing the half eaten carrot into the snowpony’s face. “Perfect!” Its the final touch on an otherwise terrible looking snowpony, or at least what I would assume is terrible for a snowpony.

“Ah jeez, girls I don’t think building snowpony’s are really any of our special talents” Scootaloo says while looking back to the others.

“I’m kinda glad honestly cause I hate the cold!” Sweetie chimes in.

“How bout we go back to the tree house an think of another idea?”

The three nod in agreement forcing Dash and I to follow suit as chaperones. We look at each other, I shrug my shoulders and we’re off. Unfortunately for me, the girls are awfully young and spry, settling for nothing less than running back to AppleJacks farm, the cold nipping at my face while I try to keep up. Pinpricks of numbness cover my nose. Thankfully the trip isn’t long, we wave them off while I catch my breath.

“Jeez dude, you need to get outside more often”

Through my wheezing I’m able to get out, “Never... did.. good.. in the cold”

“You sure it’s cause it’s cold outside? Cause I feel fine and I’ve never had a problem cause it’s cold outside. Then again I am, thee Rainbow Dash after all”

“Wow... so humble” she pats my back.

“Let’s go champ, I wanna check out the new restaurant that opened up before it gets too crowded”

After some struggling I’m able to finally catch my breath, “There’s a new restaurant? What’s it called?”

“Romero’s, it’s an Italian place”

Why the fuck is it still the word Italian and not some other stupid shit like prench?

“They got pizza?”

“They got pizza!”

“Oh yeah! Sounds like a fuckin plan!” We high five or ‘high hoof’, walking back to the center of town. “Also you still owe me like 2 more dinners”

During the trip I realize how close we are to Sugar Cube Corner, only a couple buildings down. Heading inside we are greeted by a stallion wearing proper waiter apparel, more closely related to a chef though if I was being specific. Dash speaks up for the two of us for convenience, most ponies not finding themselves very comfortable around me. It’s rather crowded, several ponies now looking my way.

“Welcome to Romero’s, do you have a reservation?”

“Nah, do you guys have any spots available?”

Glancing between the two of us, he seems to be more accepting than most ponies, “For Rainbow Dash? Oh I’m sure we can find you a spot just hold on for a second... and yes we do follow me”

Dash looks back to me all cocky, throwing a wink. I chuckle and follow our guide past a sea of staring eyes. Although I would never admit it aloud, I was incredibly uncomfortable but, I would never let them see that they got to me. Finally, after what seems like a endless journey, we arrive at a booth in the back, secluded from most others.

“Here we are, and I’ll have a waitress come for you as soon as possible” he says with a smile.

“Thanks” I give out, Dash as well with a nod and lift of her hoof.

Sitting across from her we share a glance, “Those ponies aren’t bothering you are they? Cause if your uncomfortable we can go somewhere else”

“Thanks I appreciate the concern but, there’s nowhere we’re gonna find that doesn’t feel a little awkward so let’s enjoy this while were already here” I give an encouraging smile.

It’s enough to sway her concern, our attention now to the menus in front of us. Quickly glancing, an old favorite of mine makes its appearance, a margarita pizza. Following the same strange familiarity of Earth, most of the meal names were similar to that back home beside things like hay fries or other pony delicacies. My choice however, was common among people back home and apparently well known here as well.

“Sick they got margarita pizza here!”

Dash scans over the menu to address my choice, drowning in disgust. “What? Yuck! It’s got a whole bunch of tomatoes on top!”

“What do you mean what? Aren’t you a herbivore?”

“Duh but that doesn’t mean I like wet squishy tomatoes! Those things have such a nasty feel when you chew them”

“Such a hater”

“I’m gonna get a mozzarella, much better choice” her smile of confidence shines brightly.

“I can’t argue, that’s a good choice but I think your sleeping on a margarita”

“No.. definitely not. That’s some type of pizza that Flutters would like”

“Are you insinuating that I’m like Fluttershy?” I puff up acting offended.

“I’m not in- whatever you said about anypony” she looks away crossing her hooves.

Pausing we hold back our laughter until it’s too much. After our nice little moment, the waitress makes her way to our table, seemingly nervous at the sight of me. Taking a glance to the pony across from me, it appears Dash’s presence is reassuring in some way. Ignoring the behavior I let Dash be our communicator.

“Hiya you two, I’m Spring Clover and I’ll be your waitress today! Is there anything either of you two would prefer to drink?”

“Nah I’ll just take a water”

“Me too”

“Alright and is today a special event or anything? Maybe just checking us out for the first time?” Her cheerful attitude makes it easy to forget about earlier, helping me get more settled in.

“Nope! Just checking the place out, we like to spend time going out to different places around. He’s kinda new here so I outta show him the best spots”

The mare looks over to me with a small blush, “Oh that’s wonderful! How long have you two been dating?”

My eyes go wide in shock, Dash seems absolutely flabbergasted by the question. “We uh..”

“Sorry we’re not dating... just friends hanging out, ya know?” I bail Dash out.

She immediately embarrassed at the accusation, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make things awkward or anything!”

“Your fine” I say smiling. She seems a little uneasy at the sight of my canines but otherwise more settled then before.

“My bad. Are either of you ready to order as well or do you need a few minutes?”

We give our orders and wait for her to come back with our drinks. Thanking her, we return to the weird air between us. Dash seems to have finally come back after some distant thinking.

“That was kinda funny huh?”

I stir the ice cubes in my water with a straw, “I really hate cringe moments like that”

“But you have to admit it was funny, did you see her face when you told her the truth? She was so embarrassed”

“Heh, yea... guess that serves her huh? Trying to make us all lovey dovey, going on a date. It’s not a date it’s two friends hanging out”

“Yeah! Two friends can hangout and not be a date, I mean how stupid of a suggestion”

“Yup! And even if we’re different sexes, doesn’t mean we have to be in a relationship”

“Couldn’t agree more! I mean there’s plenty of examples like... like the wonderbolts! Their captain Spitfire is a mare and she isn’t in a relationship with any of the others!”

“Wait, are you sure? Like how do you know they ain’t doing shit together on the low?”

“Cause...” she thinks for a moment before becoming stumped. “Holy shit they might be doing stuff behind closed doors, I never thought of that”

I laugh at her expression, “Hehe, athletes at that level do shit like that all the time. We had a thing called the Olympics back on Earth where all the best athletes from my country go compete against other countries in the world and I heard there’s some fucking that goes on in their camps”

“Woah, that’s like... kinda cool”

“What?! That’s gross as fuck, who knows what kinds diseases they out there spreading!”

“Diseases? Do humans have a lot of sicknesses or?”

“Ponies don’t have STDs?”

“STDs?”

“No way, sexually transmitted diseases”

Quickly she blushes up at her ignorance, “Oh! You mean HMIs”

“Who what now?”

“We call things like that harmful mating illnesses”

I shake my head in disappointment, “Everything has to sound or be so much softer here”

“Hey I didn’t name them that! That was some eggheads idea”

“Egghead? What is this the 1940’s? We call em nerds now”

“Twilight’s a nerd, not an egghead. There’s a difference”

“Twilight is a nerd your right, but don’t forget quirky” she laughs in agreement, nodding her head with a hoof around her stomach.

“She.. she really is isn’t she?”

“Yea... I like that about her though” Dash stops laughing and wipes away a tear.

“Whaddya mean?”

“Like, it’s what makes her... her ya know? It’s just like how your so brash an shit, I enjoy the little features about all of you”

“Dude your acting really sappy”

“I’m not sappy! Here let me tell you a pizza joke”

“I don’t get how this’ll show your not sappy but-“

“Nah it’s too cheesy” Her face registers the joke after a second, instantly frowning.

“Your a nerd too”

Cut to the future, we’re both enjoying our pizzas, Dash with a smile while I cry at my new label of nerd, truly fallen to my new low. No I’m joking, I would never cry but deep down? I died a little.

“Yo this is super good” Dash exclaims with a string of cheese slowly being pulled into her mouth.

“Pffft, yo? Did you pick that up from me? You unoriginal-“

“How about you enjoy your nasty tomatoes and stop worrying about me” I puff my cheeks in frustration.

“They’re not nasty!” pouting like a small child.

“Okay Fluttershy”

An old thought comes up at the mentioning of her name, “Hey does Shy still think we fucking?”

She shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t know, we never talk about it”

I smile, then suddenly start to laugh. “You really are turning into a lesbian pony version of me”

“Why do you keep calming me gay? I haven’t done anything that makes me seem gay!”

“Haven’t done anything to disprove it either... specially with that gay pride hair”

“Gay pride hair?” She looks up at a strand of her hair hanging down in confusion.

“Back on Earth, rainbows were used as a symbol of gay pride. Honestly I shouldn’t be the one educating you on this because I don’t know enough”

“You seem to think being gay is really normal”

“It’s not here?”

“No, no not at all. I mean if two stallions hook up it’s really frowned upon but mares are okay to be together. Our differences in mare and stallion populations are too large for stallions to be acceptably gay”

“That was perhaps the smartest thing you’ve ever said. Maybe your a closet nerd”

“Just because I know about pony gender differences doesn’t mean I’m a nerd. Every pony knows those things, they’re taught in filly school! Mares should look to join a stallions herd in order to maintain our population”

“A herd? Isn’t that just a term used for a group?” I almost slip up saying ‘of animals’ at the end but I quickly realize the harm that might bring.

“It’s when a bunch of mares are in a relationship with one stallion”

“Sounds like heaven if I was back on Earth”

“What do humans do?”

“We pick one mate for life... or at least try. They’re always issues that come up but, the respected thing to do is be with one person at a time”

“But what about your population? Is there any issues with finding a mate?”

“Nah, there’s about an equal amount of males to females or at least equal enough not to worry. I shouldn’t say there isn’t any issue to finding a mate though, lot of people have become really picky. Then again a lot of people are assholes so can’t blame them”

“That’s kind of crazy to think about... I couldn’t imagine a world with that many stallions”

“Stop pretending to be straight”

“Again with the gay stuff! I’ve never done anything even close to gay!”

“Ever kissed another girl?”

She blushes looking away, “Okay it was one time and it was a dare”

“Tisk tisk tisk, typical denial. Early symptom of homosexuality”

“Do you have a problem with ponies being gay?”

I place my hand to my chest with a gasp, “Why how dare you! I think nothing poorly on individuals with a different preference, after all I came from a country of freedom. Freedom of expression, religion, shit mostly anything. So people or ponies can do whatever they damn well please in my book”

Dash pulls away from her slice with a long string of cheese hanging to her mouth, “Swounds wike Eqwestria!”

“Goodness gracious close your mouth while you chew”

She swallows with a comically large gulp, “I said, sounds like Equestria! After all were free to do whatever we want” I give a deadpan stare.

“Can you openly insult your princesses without penalty?”

“Uh... no but, why would we want to? They do a really good job... as far as I know”

“Because that’s control over your media, leads to things like propaganda. Filling the heads of ponies with lies in order to hold control”

“They wouldn’t do that”

“Of course they wouldn’t do that but, do you see what I’m getting at? It’s definitely a problem”

She wipes off her greasy hooves leaving the napkin next to her empty plate, “I think your just overreacting, this isn’t like your home world. Ponies are nicer here and our leaders are more reliable”

It’s a shot at Earth yet I can’t argue her statement. In general, ponies are surprisingly nicer when they don’t think your an evil villain and I haven’t really seen any display of power hunger from either of the princesses. Maybe I disagree with some of Celestia’s handling of my situation and maybe I have some resentful feeling due to Luna’s banishment. Either way, neither of those have to do with a hunger for obtaining more at the cost of her civilians.

“Eh, maybe ya got a point” wiping my own face and hands with a napkin.

The two of us are rather stuffed by now, asking for take home boxes before heading out. It’s midday and the sun is sorta low, the winter carrying a shorter than normal daytime just like back on Earth. We walk back to my place with our boxes in hand.. well mine in hand and Dash’s balancing on her back somehow. Chatting a little to make time pass, it doesn’t take long before we’re back on the topic of Hearths Warming Eve.

“So the girls all get together and we do a secret gift exchange. We draw a name from a hat a few days before and then have to get a gift for whoever you get. Last year I got Twilight so I got her a yoga mat to workout on. She spends so much time reading I thought she could use the exercise!” She seems awfully impressed with herself.

“And she didn’t take that as you saying she’s fat?”

“Nope”

Knowing Twilight she would never tell Dash

“Awfully thoughtful of you” I say with a fake smile.

“Yep! So are you gonna come party with us? Like I said it’s next week, you can go to Twilight’s and get your name whenever before then”

Honestly it sounds delightful, I always loved Christmas. “I’d love to go, you can count me in”

“Okay but if you draw my name, there’s these wing weights that just came out and I really want to try them out”

“That kinda defeats the purpose don’t you think... to tell me what you want?”

She shrugs, “Do whatever you party pooper”

“I’ll have you know I never once ‘pooped the party’. I never went to them at all” I cross my arms pretending to look proud.

The look she gives could only be described as embarrassment for me, “You really are a nerd” My soul cracks at her words.

Yep, there it is again. I really am a nerd

Continuing our trip, we round the last corner heading down the path to my house, the trip would only be a handful of minutes after this. Dash seems distracted only to look back at me with a toothy smile.

“I’m really glad your feeling better dude... I was kinda worried after I heard what happened and how you were. Just know that I’m really impressed with what you’ve been through and how you’ve kept going. Don’t get a big head though from me saying that”

I chuckle, glad I’m feeling better too. While not completely at 100%, I’m much better than two weeks ago.

“It’s easier when I got friends like you”

She seems to really appreciate what I have to say... only for a moment. “Alright easy on the sap” We both smirk, her focus moves to the path ahead, “Id do anything for a friend...”

An unspoken agreement is arranged between us to finish the trip in silence, enjoying each other’s company and friendship for the time being. I’m able to truly understand how blessed I am to have Dash and the girls helping me, I can’t help but feel guilty for not letting them know things sooner. Now I just need to ask all of them for help when the time comes.

Eventually we arrive at my home and head inside. Dash makes her way over to my couch while I gather us two glasses filled with famous Apple farm cider, a delicacy to the members of Ponyville. Handing Dash her glass I sit beside her and take swig, it’s a refreshing cold that seems to seep into my very soul.

Dash pulls her face away from her drink with a loud satisfied exhale, “Now that hits the spot! How did you get this stuff? I thought AJ stopped selling it in the fall?”

Smirking I reply, “Me and Aj go waaay back” she doesn’t buy it. “To be honest, I’m not a huge cider guy so its been sitting in my fridge”

“Not a huge cider guy? You have terrible tastes” I remove my collar with a frown.

“Yeah okay herbivore that dislikes tomatoes, that’s gotta be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard”

She turns quickly, “Plenty of ponies hate tomatoes!”

“Name one”

“... that’s stupid, what if I asked you to name another pony that dislikes cider”

I point to her with disagreement, “No no no, that’s unfair. I don’t like meeting new people let alone ponies aaaand I’m not genetically predisposed to liking cider”

Dash has no idea what predisposed means but the context alone is enough to help her understand what it might mean. “Not all herbivores like the same greens doofus!”

She got me beat, “Eh... fuck you”

“Another point to team Rainbow” she fist pumps or hoof pumps, whatever makes sense contextually for this planet.

Letting her small victory over me go to the side, I have a more important issue to talk about. One about the girls and their feelings with me.

“Hey Dash... I have something I need to ask you about” she looks to me with confusion but seems eager. “And it’s probably not anything you can really help me with but I’m not looking for an answer”

“Spit it out big guy”

My hand holds my glass while a finger traces along the brim, my focus shifts away to the fireplace. “Twilight and me talked about how I keep everything to myself and that I should try talking things out more. That I should trust you girls so... I’m gonna do that now”

This makes Dash apprehensive, unsure of what’s about to be said. “Okay..” her voice is slightly filled with worry.

“I think.... no that’s not right” I take a second to collect myself and continue again. “Pinkie and Twilight said they loved me and I think Luna does too but I don’t know what to do because I’m a human and they’re all ponies and not just ponies but my friends and I don’t wanna hurt anypon-“

“Hey woah woah woah dude, you gotta slow down. Did you say love you?” I nod my head while biting my lip. “I could see why Twilight likes you seeing how your both nerds..” I frown. “Pinkie I guess from you two being together so often but, Princess Luna? Are you sure, cause you might think your a player but-“

“She tried to kiss me Dash, I’m sure” Dash leans back into her seat to soak it all in. “I felt like I should ask you cause you never bullshit me, I know I can count on you to tell me the truth when it really matters”

She takes a deep breath, “Holy shit dude this is a lot”

“I know” I join her in leaning back, taking another sip of my drink. “I’m afraid of what to do so I keep pushing it back”

Dash chugs the last of her drink and heads back to my kitchen for more. While walking she speaks up, “Well do you love any of them too?”

I sigh, “That’s the thing... I don’t know what I feel” looking down I stare deeply into the fire as if it somehow had the answer I need burning away in its fury.

Dash waits until she’s back only without a glass but, rather the entire bottle. “That doesn’t make sense, you gotta like one of them”

Thinking back to how I feel I’m still unsure how to answer, “Maybe... maybe I like them all”

She pulls her face away from the bottle with a smack, sucking on it like a baby on her mother’s teat. “Then form a herd, duh”

“What?! I can’t do that! I already told you humans have only one mate”

She points the bottle as an offer, I wave her off causing her to shrug and take another large swig. “Your in Equestria now big guy so might as well get used to it”

“This... this is different than saying anypony instead of anybody. Your asking me to change the way I’ve been raised and taught. The way I feel”

“The way you feel? What are you talking about? Just tell them all you love them and there, promblem solved” her words slurred near the end.

“Does that shit have alcohol in it?”

“Of course dingus, got a problemth with that?”

Standing up I grab the bottle from her hand, “Gimmie that you doof” looking to the bottle I see that I’m too late, it’s contents completely removed.

“Oops” she says with a grin, then begins to laugh uncontrollably. Her face now bright red even after catching her breath. “Yo it’s kinda hot in here dude, can you open a window?” She gets up to undo the latch nearby forcing me to pull her away at set her back down on the couch.

“I guess they say liquor makes the truth come out so tell me, what do you think about what I told you? I’m not looking for an answer”

“Good caush I’m not gonna pick besheen MY friends! BUT if I was you... I’d give them all a chance to proof they are the one!”

Sighing I pick her up and move her to the guest room, setting her down on the bed. “That would be plausible if I wasn’t a piece of shit”

“Your shnot a shit Joe..”

“What gives me the right to play them all like that?” She doesn’t seem to hear my last part, already unconscious “What a lightweight”

Going back to the living room I’m left with my thoughts, unsure as I was before our conversation.

A herd? Yeah no, maybe when I’ve become one with the pony culture. I guess I’m gonna have to just choose one

So I’m left with a decision, a tough one at that. Do I go with Twilight? Our time together would be fun and filled with all types of wacky magic shit not including the whole friendship brigade. What about our shared interests? Both enjoy quality indoor time, enjoy nerdier things. Also there’s her character, always wanting to help out even if things are bleak. She’s a wonderful pony and awfully cute with her quirky behavior.

What about Pinkie? Her infection like energy, care for others, and over all impact on Ponyville is undeniable. She’s likely the best pony character wise of all the girls and seems to be similar to me in the way we hide our pain. She cares too much about others even to worry about herself. It’s so amendable, perhaps I should be her one to pay back all the love she’s gave and more. She’s deserving, undeniably cute, and funny. I owe her my life as well...

Then there’s Luna, elegant and beautiful. Not only does she seem to be more carefree around me, she even puts down her princess appearance giving me her true self. She’s really a small pony with a light purple coat, lighter than her dark purple princess form. I’d only see her that way a few times. She’s trustworthy, dependable, and protecting. Always willing to listen to what I have to say and give me her own wise words of advice. Out of the options she’s the most relatable as well, our feelings the same around other ponies. That we are outcasts compared to others but whole when together. I’d spent the least amount of time with her but found myself the most intrigued... although it could be from our lack of time together.

All three options are valid and well deserving but which of the three wants me? I never even considered the burden I bring, the pain I cause. Maybe I shouldn’t get involved with anypony at all. Could I ask Twilight to put up with me more than I’ve already asked of her? Could I ask more of Pinkie, the one who’s helped me the most through my sickness? Could I ask for a princess to put up with me along with her royal duties and busy schedule?

This would be all unfair to decide now given the current advantages Pinkie carries, I should at least clear things with Luna first before I make a choice.

Now with a firm timetable of when I’ll make a decision, I can move my whole focus onto the real problem at hand, getting into that library. Scratching my head, I struggle to find a way to convince Luna to help. Perhaps she might assist me due to her little crush but she might ask for a reward, either way I have to be prepared. I really don’t feel like going all that way just to fail and head back home empty handed. Now that I think about it, I don’t even know how far Canterlot is! All I asked Twi was if her and the girls could find time for a trip to Canterlot for the weekend and she said she’ll handle the rest.

It was surprising to see how easy they all could find time given their busy schedules, especially now knowing it’s the week after Hearths Warming. Maybe I should get them all gifts for coming...

A click at the door of the lock moving draws me from my thoughts. Swinging open to show the culprit it’s none other than my Pink roommate. Before I can ask how her day went I’m able to make a good assumption given her condition. Her mane is frizzled and messy, dough plastered and fluffed across her coat. Her eyes heavy and tired, worn from a busy day at the corner. Soon as she notices my stare however, she shines me a bright smile as if nothing is wrong.

“Hiya Joey! How’d your day with Dashie go? Did she make you watch over the crusaders cause I heard from AppleJack that it was her day to watch over them and I know how Dashie doesn’t like babysitting!” She trots over after dropping her bag near the door.

“We watched em some, built some ‘snow ponies’, and went to some new restaurant to eat... I’m sure you’ve heard about it, it’s close to your work”

“Oh yeah, Romero’s! I really wanted to go there! Can we go there sometime Joey? Please please please please!” She rushes over to plead with me, eyes sparkling like a cartoonish puppy.

“Put those things away!” I motion to her eyes. “And of course we can go just... stop with the eyes”

She hops up in joy, “Yessss oh it’s like our first date together! We can hold hooves and kiss afterwards and-“

“Alright professor perv, let’s chill out with all the hardcore love talk”

She giggles and sits next to the couch on the floor, my sprawled out form prevents any room to sit. Knowing she could use a recharge and is waiting for one, I scoop her up and hug her against myself. Visually we’re pretty much spooning, Pinkie of course the little spoon. The way we rest, my head lay on a pillow while Pinkies head lay on my arm. She coos against the warmth and firm hold, loving every second of Joey cuddles.

“I could get used to this..” she whispers.

“What are you talking about? You cuddle me like everyday” I twirl her mane into knots with my finger.

Giggling she responds, “I guess your right, hehe” then snuggles into me deeper. “Today was super busy, we had a bunch of ponies making orders for Hearths Warming... are you coming to Twilights to celebrate with us? Have you picked a name yet?”

“One question at a time pink. Um.. yea I’d like to come but no, I haven’t gotten a name yet”

“Well you better make sure you get one soon! Otherwise you’ll miss out, plus with you we can have a even number of eight ponies this year including Spike of course” she lets out a big yawn.

“Oh by the way, Dash is in the guest room completely passed out, did you know she was such a lightweight when it came to drinking?”

“Even though she’s a awesome cool pony, she doesn’t normally drink unless it’s Aj’s cider” she closes her eyes, prepping for a nap.

I continue to play with her mane with my right arm, the left still under use as a pillow. “And Aj’s cider it was, drank the whole damn bottle”

Laying in silence for a few minutes, I notice Pinkies breathing slowing down, her body still and limp against me. She’s my little pony pillow now, all cute and snuggly. Wow I can’t believe I just thought that.

As I lay my eyes start to get heavy, the crackling of the fire along with Pinkies warm presence lulls me to sleep. It’s not until a stumbling Dash trips over Pinkies bag at the door do I stir awake. She lets out a small oof and tumbles into the door face first.

“Oof... ow, that bucking hurt!” Her whisper is loud and coarse.

Blinking I look around me for the disturbance, “Who wha- the fuck is going on?” I whisper aloud unsure of the cause.

“Argh, it’s me Dash... I tripped over this stupid bag you got near the door! Why did-“

“Dash Pinkie is out cold and just got back from a long day alright? So either keep it down or head home.... as long as you feel good enough too” I can’t help but add the last part, feeling like I came off to harshly.

“Eee yikes, alright I’ll go but if you got any more of Aj’s cider can you-“

“Dash!”

“All right all right jeez I’m going” she sticks her tongue out at me and heads out into the night.

“Ugh, what a turd” I get up some to see if Pinkies still asleep, completely unconscious. “I know right? What a big bully” I give my best whispering Pinkie impression.

“Hmhm.... warm Joey” she murmurs lightly in her sleep. Yep that’s me! I brush her mane with my hand gently as to not wake her. She’s so tired, must’ve been a tough day if she’s this beat. The scent of baking goods has surrounded me completely, overwhelming the senses. I almost feel like I’m in a kitchen baking a cake just being around Pinkie, we should both take a shower after this.

Instead of washing our smelly bodies off, the pleasuring sensation currently engulfing me would argue to wait some time, and I would agree. I settle for going back to sleep until Pinkie wakes up, pulling her close with a squeeze. She gives a cute squeak and coos like a cat, she might have even purred. Even though her incredible adorableness is distracting, the comfort of the situation is more than enough to put me out again.

Sadly Luna misses this opportunity to meet as well, whether it be because she’s busy or avoiding me it doesn’t matter. I’m left with an empty experience without dream, like transporting myself into the future. I pry my eye open a little, my vision still filled with Pink. Her coat is much darker now given the time pass, night clearly upon us.

“Pinkie, you awake?”

“...hmm no” she groans.

“We gotta get you in the bath smelly”

“I’m not smelly, I’m... Pinkie” she seems like like she’s falling back to sleep.

“I know your tired but cmon” I go to get up but she won’t budge, holding my arm pinned beneath her. It’s filled with tingles from numbness, her head weighing just enough to cut the circulation.

“No, Pinkie no move. Pinkie sleep”

“Pinkieeeee, I can’t feel my arm. Let’s go”

“You don’t need your arm, you can just... grow another one”

Unfortunately for the both of us, someone has to be the adult and I feel obligated this time to play the role. I get up scooping her over my shoulder as I walk, she swings her tail into my face.

“Pfft, hey can you not”

“Bad Joey! Pinkie needs more sleep not clean” I can’t see her face but judging by her voice she’s clearly sporting puffed cheeks.

The visual in my head makes me chuckle. Rounding the corner I place her down next to me beside the tub and run the water. She immediately wraps herself into a ball, her tail protecting the front of her face. I have to light some candles in order see given the rooms darkness. Thankfully Equestria’s candles all carried magical enhancements making them light much better than what I’m accustomed to, a true god send.

Once I’ve felt like the tub is filled enough with a reasonable temperature I poke Pinkie with my finger to wake her. “All right let’s go, I got it all to your liking now get in”

“No! I refuse!”

“Pinkie stop acting like a baby and get in!”

“Nope” she shakes her head, “Only if you get in with me”

“What? Fuck no! There’s no bubbles! I can’t hide my unpleasantly pale skin from you. You might go blind”

“I’ve already seen you all naked, who cares”

“No you saw my upper half, I’m completely uncomfortable with this situation given the lack of privacy”

“But ponies are naked all the time and you don’t say anything to us”

“Yea cause it’s different okay! Humans aren’t comfortable being seen naked and in case you haven’t realized, I’m a human!”

“What if I don’t look? I’ll face the other way the whole time Joey, I just wanna cuddle in the bath! Come on you’ll like it”

I’m blushing incredibly hard at this point, very uncomfortable with the way this situation has unfolded. “Pinkie, I’m r-really uncomfortable right now”

The change in my voice snaps her awake looking to me with concern, “Oh I’m sorry Joey! I didn’t mean to... I’m really sorry I forgot about the whole..” she reaches out to touch my shoulder.

I shift away from her embarrassed, “I’m sorry... I’ll go no” and at that I turn away leaving the bathroom.

After reaching the bedroom, the air seems to feel colder and light. I realize that I’ve been squeezing my arm the entire time so hard that I’d broken the skin with my nails. Frowning I wipe off the blood with a tissue.

Why am I like this? Why can’t I just loosen up? I said I’d try to be better and here I am acting all scared again like Pinkies gonna take advantage of me. What kind of friend am I for not trusting her?

Beginning to panic I face the decision to go back and apologize, joining her in the bath. It’s frightening for an odd reason, my own body refusing to react in sync with my mind. It takes a sudden push to will me back to the bathroom, my heart racing as I reach the door. It’s not closed all the way allowing me to hear a noise from within. It sounds like.. sniffling?

“Really did it this time Pinkie... always being so selfish! *sniff* Bad ponies shouldn’t ask for more than they deserve. *sniff* I should’ve stayed at the farm... stupid selfish Pinkie. Always hurting others for myself and now he probably hates me” the sadness in her voice tears at my heart.

Placing my hand on the door I hesitate for a moment. Taking a deep breath I push it open to see her still out of the tub with her hooves in her face. She doesn’t look up to acknowledge me.

“Pinkie... I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have done that” she doesn’t move so I move over to sit next to her. “I get really scared sometimes when I remember that day and I’m really trying to be better”

“I hurt you” her voice is low and pained. Tears drip onto the floor beneath her.

“No no no, it wasn’t that bad Pinkie I promise! I mean see? I’m here right now am I? How about we take that bath together?”

“I don’t deserve you” she pulls her hooves away allowing me to see her face. She’s flushed with tears streaming down her face, eyes without their normal shine.

“Please Pinkie I’m okay! Everything is okay!”

She slowly turns toward my direction with a stare that pierces through me, “I won’t be bad anymore I promise, I’ll be a good pony. I swear I will” she pleads through tears. “I don’t need anything okay? Just let me help you and I’ll be okay”

She moves over to hug me, wiping her face across my shirt. This is all too familiar, just like my last relationship. Sadly Ive experienced something like this before already, allowing me to know exactly what to do. Returning the hug I whisper to her, “Pinkie it’s okay, I’m here and I’ll always be here no matter what. Your not a bad pony and you didn’t do anything wrong... I love you”

It slips out of my mouth instinctively. I don’t even realize what I’ve said until only a few seconds later, unsure of what I had done.

“Stop please... don’t say anything you don’t mean... I don’t... just please stop worrying about me” she sobs. I can’t possibly bail out now.

I squeeze her tighter against me, “I love you, I promise. I love you Pinkie and you can’t stop me from helping you because Its what I want to do”

She shakes her head no, “No you don’t your just saying that! I’m a terrible pony I know I am! Nopony would want to put up with me!”

“Shhh shhh shh” I caress her mane with my hand, wrapping her with my arm. “I Pinkie promise you I’m not going anywhere”

She pulls her head up to face me distraught with emotion, “I...” she unable to say anything before moving back into my hug crying. While she lets it all out I’m left with my thoughts.

What did I just do? I said I’d talk with Luna first! Fuck I had no choice!

She continues to cry for a few minutes only to settle down against me exhausted. Funny enough it’s almost like the roles are reversed compared to a few weeks ago. “I’m sorry”

I hug her tight, letting her know I heard. “Your fine Pinkie”

“We should... I should probably clean up. I’ll let you go now”

“Hold up now, didn’t you hear me earlier? I said I’d join you”

“Joey your really don’t have to I understand-“

“Turn the other way, I gotta strip”

She blushes and quickly faces away from me, placing a hoof in the tub before stopping. “Um... it’s a little cold now”

Fast forwarding ahead til we refilled the bath, it’s now reheated state gives off a light fog above its surface. The mirror within the room was fogged as well, humidity filling the room. Pinkie now faces away from me in the tub on the opposite end, her blush bright enough to be seen from the side.

Stripping down, I place my foot in first to test the water. It’s a perfect temperature although closer to the hotter end, likely enough to make me sweat. There’s a pit in my stomach that eats away, a nervousness at the vulnerability. She could easily flip around and admire my bare figure, possibly even- NO, no. Pinkie wouldn’t do that.

Shaking my head I fully enter the tub, sitting awkwardly in a criss cross pattern to avoid wrapping Pinkie up in my legs. Even though the tubs width is larger than normal, the length still wouldn’t the enough for me to stretch out my legs without touching Pinkie, it’s a predicament. Unwilling to voice my discomfort, Pinkie takes the initiative noticing that I would have to be positioned strange to fit behind her.

“Hey you can straighten your legs Joey, it’s not like I haven’t seen them before”

“I guess but I kinda feel... exposed without them close to me”

“I won’t turn around”

Hesitating I eventually submit, letting my legs straighten out around her. She places her hooves on top of both of them for balance, she’s sitting near the middle of the tub without any real support.

That must be uncomfortable

“Pinkie I can... maybe wash your back or something so your not just leaning up like that”

She lowers her head likely embarrassed, “That would be n-nice” she shivers from her upper half being mostly out of the warm water, it’s height reaching around her waist as she sat there. It also didn’t really help she was lifting herself up using my legs.

“Okay um, do you mind scooting a little closer?” She obliges but barely moves from her original spot. “Little closer” she moves again much further this time and now within range.

My face is incredibly hot and it’s not from the water. The combination of the two issues has however led to me sweating, I wipe my brows and wash my hands in the water.

“T-this close enough?”

“Yea... also why are you so nervous right now, this was your idea”

Normally she would giggle at a time like this but the earlier experience must still be effecting her. “Sorry, I didn’t expect you to agree” My already blushing face seems to light afire.

“Isn’t this normal with ponies or something?”

“Um... I guess with foals... or couples” she seems to shrink into her shoulders.

“Great so just as awkward as it would be on Earth, I’ll just start now” shaking my head in disappointment.

“Okay” she gives a small nod.

Shakily I cup some water into my hand and spill it down her back, her fur flattens against its flow. For some reason I expected her to flinch, forgetting that the warm water likely feels good against the cold air circulating through my home. Cup after cup I cover her coat with water before getting my own hands involved. I reach over grabbing some shampoo and work it into her fur. She starts leaning into my massaging hands, giving small sighs of satisfaction. While still embarrassed, the longevity of our moment seems to settle me down some. Some time after washing her coat from behind she seems to tense up.

“I have to wash my front half now so I’ll handle this myself”

“Yea that sounds like a good idea”

Grabbing the shampoo bottle she works her own coat with her hooves while I lean back into the wall next to the tub. Closing my eyes I enjoy the warmth and smells surround me, attempting to calm myself down to enjoy the peace. I’m left with nothing but the light sounds of splashing water with a sudden giggle. I peek open an eye to see what she could be laughing about.

“Ya know it’s kinda funny that I’m fine with being all naked around town but for some reason right now it feels kinda weird!”

“Now your starting to get what I mean, like who wants anyone to know what their privates look like?”

“But you never see any pony parts do you? See we’re careful!”

“I’m sure if I wanted to I easily could catch a glimpse I mean are you kidding me? All you got is a tail back there and half the time it’s swishing around! Hell I can’t imagine how hard it is to hide a fucking stiffy when your a stallion”

Without thinking Pinkie leans back into me with her back against my bare body. I freeze solid.

“Hehe yea stallions sometimes have some accidents I guess but that’s so rare I mean how often do... you...” she slowly looks up to my face with fear.

“Pinkie... you really need to move” I ask facing away, my face pale with fear.

Quickly she moves away rubbing her foreleg with a hoof, “I’m really really sorry Joey” she says with a panic. “I didn’t mean to do that I just forgot where we were and... please don’t be mad at me”

Awkwardly enough my body seemed to enjoy the sudden contact, a certain friend down below stirring awake. The pale look across my face is replaced with a blush. Perhaps the time being so distant since my last consensual experience, my body is much quicker to ready. I can only hope things don’t get any worse in this department, I’d rather not add sexual frustration to my list of problems.

“I’m not mad... just really embarrassed”

“I didn’t feel anything I swear! And I don’t mean that in a way like there was anything to feel. Like I’m not saying your small or-“

“Pinkie! I get it, drop it please”

“Yep okie dokie!”

Letting out a big sigh I grab the shampoo and begin washing my own hair. After this I grab a bar of soap and start to work away at the Pinkie smell rubbed all over me, the smell so familiar it’s now tattooed into my brain. Eventually I hit a roadblock realizing that I can’t reach my entire back.

“Pinkie can you uh, get my back? Wait til I’ve turned around first though!”

“Okay not a problem!”

Spinning around I now leave myself at the mercy of our pervy pink friend behind me. Grabbing the soap I reach backwards and hand it to her without any unfortunate drops. Patiently I wait for her touch, still surprised somewhat when she finally does start. The soap is pressed firmly against my back along with a hoof for balance, her pattern in circular motions. Eventually switching to two hooves, placing the soap down. She continues to coat my back with a sense of gentle care while I remain flustered at the action but, nonetheless enjoy. Once finished with soaping me up, she begins pouring water to wash it all off. I’m surprised at the amount she’s able to scoop with her hoof.

“Are you? Are you using a little bucket or something? How are you cupping all that water with your hooves?”

“Oh I’m using my little bathing bucket for when I wash myself! It’s super duper helpful!”

“How come I was made unaware of this? I didn’t even have to use my hands earlier did I?”

“Hehe yea I guess not... but you were super good! I’d say even better than my bathing bucket!” Cheerfulness practically beams into me from behind.

“Your an absolute perv, I mean like Peppy Le Pew level preventiveness. An expert pervert, carrying your doctorate in perving”

“I am not! Most ponies would be much more naughty in situations like this and I feel like I’ve done a pretty good job at behaving!” I can visualize the face she makes while saying this, likely pouting. “And... after what you said earlier it shouldn’t really bother you..”

“I do love you Pinkie but can we wait a little longer before we start assuming it’s that kinda love? I mean haven’t you heard of family love or brotherly love, like any kind of other love?”

“Are you family zoning me?”

“Please don’t make it seem weird Pinkie, this ain’t Alabama. Also I’d like to see one thing first before I make up my mind so pretend we’re on pause for right now”

“You did say you love me though”

Shyly I play with the water in front of me, “Yes I did”

“Eeeee! Say it again! Say it again!” She splashes the water behind me in excitement.

“No and I just said it might not be that kind of love! It came out instinctively okay! I... I need a little more time to think. I’ll give you an answer after our trip to Canterlot okay?”

“Ooookaaayyy but I know the answer already. Big Joey likes Pinkie and that means Pinkie gonna get all the kisses and she won’t even have to ask!”

“Perv!”

Her giggles fill the room while she finishes up washing my back. “Okie dokie I’m all finished up! How about you get out first and dry off cause you’ll be quicker then me. I’ll follow you after”

“Sounds like a plan”

I don’t have to ask her to face the other way, turning to see she’s already spun around. Getting up I dry off and quickly clothe myself, heading out the bathroom with a blush still across my face.

Holy shit I survived that

Still feeling hot, I settle for laying on top of the covers rather than below. Minutes go by before I feel cooled off, at the same time Pinkie happens to finish up and heads into my room joining me on the bed. Instantly she molds herself into my side with a smile, rubbing her face into my arm. By now I’m completely exhausted from keeping my composure in there, the battle heavily weighed against me from the start. From where I lay now I can proudly say I did survive though against Pinkies perverse attacks.

“Thank you for putting up with me” Pinkies voice comes from below with a tinge of sadness. I wrap an arm around her for support.

“I should be saying the same thing to you”

We meet each other’s gaze with a smile, her eyes seem to glisten against the moonlight. Something deep within me stirs, a compelling feeling to kiss her now, a want.

“Can we... um” she fiddles with her hoof. “Can I kiss you?”

The emotions within me run haywire, her request in line with this new feeling. I’m uncertain on how to deal with this.

“Sure but just a peck okay?”

She nods and thankfully does just that. If she had tried for more I was unsure if I could stop myself. As reward for granting her request, I’m given a large toothy smile and a hug.

“I love you” she says with a muffled voice, low and intimate.

“Love you too you little poop now let’s get some shut-eye”

“You love poop?”

“Goodnight Pinkie”

“Hehe goodnight!”

14 Pony Christmas

View Online

Maneuvering through the isles, I struggle to find what I’m after. A seemingly endless search for something, anything, that AppleJack might like for Hearths Warming. Fortunately I did remember to grab a name from Twilights, unfortunately it was the pony I know the least about out of all the girls. Was she more like Dash? More tomboyish or perhaps just as girly as Rarity only hidden under the guise of a rough an tough farm pony. Shaking my head I struggle to make any idea come to the front.

“Fuck this is harder than I thought. I mean how do I not know what Aj would like?”

Horseshoes? Maybe something to help on the farm? What if I got her some sort of water bottle for working through the summer? No that feels like I’m cheap, I need something real and sentimental. Something that shows I really care

Continuing around the corner scanning the shelves I bump into another pony, not watching where I’m going. The height difference causes me to stumble over and fall, catching myself just before I face plant. Meanwhile the pony I bumped happens to move away from beneath my falling form, slipping to the side at the last moment.

“Hey! Careful you big doofus! Geez, I wonder why the elements let you go outside. They should lock an animal like you up or something”

“That’s an awfully harsh response for bumping into somepony, so how about you take a ‘fuck you’ and go on with your day”

The mare rises her nose at me, strutting off down the isle angrily. Faintly I can hear her say, “Least they got you collared you mutt” as she makes her way from me. Picking myself up I flip her off when she turns to look back causing her to flick her tail with anger and hurry off.

“What a fucking prick”

It’s not uncommon for experiences like this to happen now, the occasional asshole always lurking closer than you’d think. Given my track record as well, we can say that first impressions now matter a lot more than normal. I dust my hands off and go back to the search, the shelves stacked with various gardening equipment ranging from pottery goods to gardening tools. Scratching my head I inspect the difference between two different types of pots when an employee approaches.

“Sir do you mind taking a second to tell me what happened a little earlier?”

I keep my gaze on the pot in my hand, checking for any cracks or chips. “We tripped, she’s an ass. What more do you need to hear?”

“U-um... it’s just that she complained about you insulting her and said t-that you pushed her down”

Glancing over to the mare, I see she’s clearly nervous from the proximity. Her back legs shake lightly in fear but she stands her ground firm.

“Listen I didn’t push her alright, I’m looking for a gift for a friend and I didn’t see her coming”

“I-I believe you sir b-but we don’t like f-fights going on in the store s-so uh... could you maybe leave... p-please?”

Placing the pot down I turn to face her, squatting down to her level. “There wasn’t a fight, just a little argument now if you would be kind enough to help me find a gift, I can be out of your hair in a jiffy”

“Sir please I d-don’t want to get the guard”

I start to lose my patience, “Are you listening? I said I just need a gift for my friend and I’ll leave. Hell you can follow me the whole time if that makes you feel any better” She seems reluctant to help, looking back to the entrance.

I swear to god if she gets a guard

“O-okay... I’ll help but be quick please, your scaring s-some of the other customers”

Taking a quick look around there’s a distinct lack of other ponies around to be scared. I loudly sigh, taking a deep breath to settle down. “Thank you, now I need a gift for a farm mare. She’s pretty tough but I think she can sometimes like really girly things. Is there anything in here that might fit that description?”

She shifts uncomfortably, “Um... we have pretty engravings for s-some of our tools in the isle over”

“That sounds like a good idea, lead the way”

“T-this way sir”

She shuffles quickly past and heads to the next isle somewhere near the middle before stopping. Giving me a look and then to the shelf I meet her focus on a set of gardening tools for ponies, each carrying flowery engravings. From buckets to hoof spades, they have several options to choose from. Most of the designs are very unique, clearly made through personal attention rather than a machine. Checking the price I’m blow away at the outrageous costs.

“What?! Fuckin 78 bits for an engraved watering can? Did Leonardo Da Vinci himself make this!?”

“S-sir please if your done can you-“

“Don’t worry I’m going, I’m going” I start to leave but abruptly stop a few steps away from the mare. Turning around I pinch the bridge of my nose and give an apologetic look, “I’m sorry for the trouble” it’s the least I could do to try and make up for my rude behavior.

Leaving the store I head down the street with a sudden idea in mind. I know exactly what to get. A few more minutes of walking and I find myself in front of a clothing store, it’s homegrown appearance welcoming on my approach. The store sign read, ‘Mares Textiles and Styles’, their catalogue containing things like hoof sewn clothing, blankets, hats, and general materials for sewing yourself. I’d heard of the place before from Rarity but never actually seen it in person. Walking inside I’m greeted with a heavy aroma of citrus coming from the many scented candles burning around the entrance. Before I’m able to scan around I feel a small tug at the bottom of my shirt.

“Mr. Hooman? You are the hooman right?”

Not wanting to correct her cute pronunciation of human, I go to answer her but am caught off guard by her adorable face. She’s a small mare with a light orange coat, it’s color more closely related to yellow than citrus. Brown freckles filled the distance between her facial features, her muzzle splattered with them. They’re almost distracting enough to not notice her bright green eyes. Similar to Twilights mane, she carried small bangs in the front, their width not enough to cover the entirety of her forehead unlike Twi. Like her eyes they were also green yet much darker in tone, she kinda looked like an orange with a leaf atop her head.

“Aren’t you just the cutest little pony”

Smiling brightly she takes a small bow, “Yep that’d be me! I’m Sweetie Bee, pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard all about how helpful you are from Rarity, she’s one of my best customers!”

I can’t help but smile as well, her attitude rather infectious. “Oh that’s just Rarity trying to butter me up, I’m nothing special”

“But you are! You’re like the only alien in Equestria! Or at least the only one I’ve heard of. I bet you have some really cool stories about your planet don’t ya?”

I wave her off with my hand, “For another time, listen I need something very specific. Do you have any hair ties? And can you put like your own little details on it to add like a little personal touch?”

“Of course! Here follow me”

Listening to her, we walk toward the back to a long display table supporting several differing accessories from color and sizes. Among these options there lay our prize, a nice green hair tie shaped like a bow. It’s color matched that of AppleJacks eyes, her most noticeable feature in my opinion. Grabbing it I hand to to Sweetie.

“Could you sew a little red apple onto it for me? It’s for a friend and I’d like them to feel it’s special ya know?”

“I totally get it, ponies always want to let each other know how much they care with little touches like that. It goes a long way you’d be surprised”

“That’s great! I really am in a rush however, could you have this done today? I’ll pay you extra”

“I can have it done in an hour easy, and don’t worry about paying me extra. I don’t usually get much business on Hearths Warming Eve so it’ll be fine”

Yep, it’s Hearths Warming Eve and here I am procrastinating til the last minute to get a gift. Thankfully I’ve run into this angel of a pony here and can bring my gift for the party. Letting out a sigh I place a hand to my chest in relief.

“Oh thank god, you’re a real lifesaver you know that?”

Giggling at my reaction she takes the hair tie over to a nearby sewing machine. “Hey most ponies don’t wait til the last minute. I used to be a really bad procrastinator too”

Blushing from embarrassment I sit next to her as she works. “Not my best feature, I’m really working on it”

“Sure seems like it”

“Sure does doesn’t it”

“... so what’s your name if you don’t mind me asking? Rarity said it a few times but I always forget, it’s something really weird and starts with a j”

“Joe, or Joey. Whatever you like more really”

“It’s your name, what would you prefer?”

“That’s awfully thoughtful but I don’t really care. I will say though hearing Joe makes me feel like it’s my boss or something”

“That’s yucky, don’t want that. I’ll call ya Joey than okay? Hooman Joey!”

I laugh at her antics, “It’s not really pronounced hooman, it’s human”

“Oh I know, I like hooman more” she says with a smile. “It’s much cuter don’t ya think?”

Glancing at the pony saying it in front of me? Yes I’d say it’s much cuter. “You got me there”

“So who’s this for?” She continues to work away with a close eye, her tongue sticking out just a little as she focuses.

“A friend” she gives a devious grin. “Just friends, let me clarify that”

“Oh you’re no fun! I’m just joking with ya. Do all hoomans take everything serious?”

Leaning back in thought I give my best answer. “I’d say it’s about an equal mix both ways, I mean there’s a lot more losers back on Earth than here that’s for sure”

“That’s not nice calling ponies losers”

“When I say loser I mean loooooser, like they don’t even try to grow up”

“That’s kinda sad really”

Thinking back I can’t help but get a little bummed out, “When I think about it, my planet really is sad. Bunch of lost people out there just trying to find their way and there’s a bunch of others trying to take advantage of them. People starving, people stealing” I stop there not wanting to continue.

“Sounds like an awful place”

“Yea...”

Am I glad to be here? Would I rather be here than back home on Earth? The obvious answer would be yes, my home expenses paid for by the princesses and a group of incredibly friendly ponies helping me every step of the way. Equestria definitely has its benefits but it lacks in other departments as well. Maybe once this whole hate the human shit dies down I might find some peace.

“You okay?” She draws me out of thought.

“Sorry got carried away there”

“You seemed kinda bothered there for a moment... do you wanna talk about it”

I can’t help but laugh off her suggestion, “Sorry, I barely know you. And I know how nice some of you ponies are... you included but, I like to keep some things to myself” I flash her a small smile. “Thanks though for the offer... real kind of you”

“Well I’ll always be willing to lend an ear. A friend of Rarity is a friend of mine!”

“You seem like a real nice pony, I’ll make sure to swing by here again”

She stops for a moment and her eyes light up, “Really?! That’s super cool! Don’t be afraid to tell anypony you know about the store as well!”

“I promise I will”

She continues to work with her tail swishing happily behind. Everything this mare seems to do is cute and before I know it she’s finished the job, in much sooner time than anticipated. She hands me the tie to give a look over. Sure enough a small red apple with a one leaf stem resides on the tie.

“This is perfect, how much do I owe ya?”

“Hmm, well normally it’s about 18 bits but with the added feature I’d say 25 bits is a fair price”

“Normally I’d haggle with you but you’ve been super cool so I’ll pay 25. You’d be surprised how often most ponies try to take advantage of me”

She frowns at hearing this, “That’s ridiculous! I mean it’s part of business to be greedy but, I think everypony should know where to draw the line”

Reaching into my bag I hand over the appropriate amount with a little extra. She quickly notices and goes to hand me back my bits.

“Keep the extra bits, you kinda made my day”

“Shoot I didn’t do anything special, just taking care of another customer! Oh by the way do you want a gift bag to put it in? I got those too”

Smiling I scratch the back of my head, “Sure and tell that to the ponies running the gardening store, assholes wanted to kick me out cause I accidentally bumped into a pony”

“What? There’s no way that was it, what happened beside that?”

“Nothing! I bumped into her and she was a complete ass about it, then she goes and whines to the manager! Some ponies really are something”

Sweetie seems bothered by my words, “I don’t think ponies would be mean to you for no reason, maybe they think you’re somepony else”

I chuckle, “Aren’t you friends with Rarity? Surely you’ve heard the rumors about me?”

“Nope! I hate stuff like that, super yucky! Talking behind other ponies backs brings nothing good for nopony” she says while stuffing gift paper into the gift bag.

“God I wish I met you sooner” I whisper aside.

“Hmm?”

“Oh nothing, thanks for helping me out... specially on Hearths Warming Eve”

“Don’t mention it! It’s not a big deal anyway, normally I close up today around 3 anyway seeing how I get no customers. Very rare I meet somepony like you” she says with a toothy smile.

“I know, I know, I’m a procrastinator. See ya Sweetie Bee, I’ll make sure to come again”

She waves me off with Aj’s present now in tow. With nothing left to do I start to head back home. The weathers rather calm, windless without snowfall yet the surrounding rooftops and ground still remain covered in the white cold. Each crunch beneath my boot is a pleasing sound to me, filling the otherwise silent walk. Taking focus away from my noisy footsteps, I look around to admire the decorative lights strung about the town. Like Christmas, Hearths Warming was also celebrated with decorated pine trees, the largest one at town hall. By happenstance the very tree stands before me, it’s height somewhere around 30-40 feet. Beside its incredible height and girth, the star on top takes the cake, a large golden antique representing the festive spirit. It probably cost more than my house.

Surrounding the tree is a small ice rink with multiple ponies already skating across in groups. Some couples, some friends, even some small fillies with their parents. Laughter and loud voices of enjoyment fill the atmosphere. Personally I never learned to skate so my interest in the matter really stops beyond a quick glance.

Seems like these ponies love their holidays

I’m taken from my thoughts when a snowball strikes me in the back. Turning to see the perpetrator, a group of young ponies scurry off away laughing. One can be heard shouting, “I got em! I got em!”

“Ugh fucking ponies”

I won’t let them ruin my Christmas experience though, quickly heading back to my house without stoppage from this point on. Stepping inside I shake off my boots at the door.

“Pinkie your king has arrived! Where ya at?”

Silence.

Surprised from the lack of a response, I look around confused at her disappearance. Seconds later I discover a small note left on the kitchen table reading,

‘Gotta help out the mayor with setting up the town party this year. I’ll be gone all day but don’t worry! I’ll be at Twilights on time’
~Love Pinkie

She even left little hearts drawn on both the i’s in her name. Scrunching up the note I make sure to throw it away and leave Aj’s gift by the door, that way I won’t forget it when I leave. Sitting down on my couch I think for a moment on a way to pass the time until Twilights party. A knock at my door distracts any possibility of this happening however, I get up and open the door. It’s Derpy, the mailmare, an unusual sight especially today.

“Hiya Joe! I’m not supposed to be working today but, yesterday when I was at the office I saw you had a bunch of undelivered letters so I thought I could bring them to you today!”

Turning my head to the side in confusion, I reach out to grab the letters. “Thanks that’s really nice of you, I don’t know what to say”

“It’s okay, you’ve always been super nice to me so I thought I’d do something kind for once back”

“What do you mean? I just say hello and stuff, don’t other ponies do that?”

She looks away with her one good eye bashfully, “Sometimes ponies say mean things about my eyes but you never treated me like I was different so I always appreciated you for that”

“Personally I think your eyes are beautiful and if anypony says something mean about you again I want you to tell me okay?”

She nods still blushing, “I promise but I uh... I need to head home now. Bye Joey!”

Unfortunately she doesn’t look where she’s going and runs directly into my mailbox, breaking the post in half. I hold my breath in reaction.

“Oooo holy shit! Are you alright?” I start to walk over.

Quickly Derpy jumps back up to her hooves and takes off, “Sorry! I’m okay though, have a nice Hearth Warming!”

“You too Derpy!”

Immediately I look back to my now broken mailbox, a true mystery how she broke it without injuring herself.

Guess I’m gonna need AppleJacks help fixing this

That’s an issue for another time so I head back inside and sit at the kitchen table, displaying the many letters before me. The first letter I glance at is from a pony named Lyra. She’s made herself well known to me with several letter already. Taking a quick peek it appears to be the normal stalker like letter about how much she dreams about meeting me. I’ll never understand how she already knew about humans but I know one thing for sure, she’s one crazy pony. Mainly the rest of the letters appear to be just hate mail from ponies, likely held up at their office because they’ve realized the issue as well. Sadly Derpy is oblivious to this and thought she was doing a good deed but I won’t hold a grudge.

One of the letters catches my eye, labeled from a ‘Familiar Friend’. I’m hesitant to open it, the potential of it carrying something like anthrax or some other Equestrian poison I’ve never heard of is always a possibility. They likely have spells to check for this though, so I shouldn’t worry. Breaking the crease, I open the letter slowly, flipping it over to let the contents fall out. It’s a small note. Picking it up I unfold the paper to take a peak, my hand begins to shake in anger as I scan the words.

‘I know where you live’

Its that fucking mare, I know it is

My first thought is to crumple up the note and throw it away, thankfully I’m smart enough to fold it back up and place it into my pocket. Maybe Twilight or Luna could have a way to trace the writing or something. In the meantime however, I certainly don’t have time to sit around defenseless, I need a way to even the playing field next time that mare tries something. An idea comes to mind, one I’ll store for later.

After reading that note I’ve now completely lost the appetite for any more of the letters, taking the pile with me. Sitting back onto my couch I think back today’s events.

That bitch at the first store was a real treat and the management? Unbelievable, no spine at all. At least I met that nice mare.... Sweet Tea? Sweetie? Oh god I’m terrible with names

It’s not unusual to meet a nice pony in Equestria rather the likelihood that one is nice to ME is the real surprise. Meeting that mare wasn’t life changing or anything but it’s reassuring to know there’s at least some ponies still out there on your side. I know what you’re thinking too, ‘why don’t you just do something to win ponies trust?’ well can you give any ideas? I can’t just start walking up to ponies saying, ‘Hey, got anything that you need help with’ with a fat smile and not expect them to either run away or yell. Most are terrified of me and the ones that aren’t are either too afraid to speak positively of me or hate me! My best shot is to lay low, do little things here and there and let my reputation slowly recover. Maybe if I had some super powers I could be some sort of hero but I don’t, I have unreasonable depression.

Letting out a large sigh I scan for any letters that are important and toss the rest into my fireplace. Something inside of me is regretful in destroying them, a small glimpse of hope that some of the letters aren’t hate related, wishful thinking. Setting my hope aside I lay back and try to nap away the day. It takes a bit before I realize my collars still on, ripping it off and throwing it across the room.

“Fucking collar”

Sleep comes much easier after that.

I have a small dream, it’s rather brief. Left within Luna’s chambers alone, a note is left for me on the table separating the two large chairs. Grabbing it it only reads two words, ‘I’m sorry’. Not exactly the best apology but were defiantly making progress now. She’ll have to talk with me once I come to Canterlot, hopefully then we can clear everything up.

*Creeeek* a noise comes from inside the house. Jolting up I look around with wide eyes expecting an intruder.... empty. There’s no one home, just the house making noise. I can still feel my heart pounding away.

I start to get frustrated, frustrated that I could be scared by that disgusting mare. How repulsed I feel thinking about her voice, the way she speaks. Give me the chance with her again and things would go much different. I’d break that fucking horn of her head and shove up her ass. It would be a little tough doing her dirty little magic without that precious little horn. Taking a few deep breaths to calm down I head over to the fridge to grab a drink. I need something hard.

Time passes and I get a little carried away, much more intoxicated than anticipated. Very rarely do I allow myself to get this tipsy but I needed something to take off the edge. Glancing to the clock I notice it’s almost time for Twilights party, it wouldn’t hurt to be early. Making sure to gargle some mouthwash to remove my breath, I struggle to get on my shoes without falling over a few times. I wouldn’t say I’m unable to think rationally at this point, just having a harder time with my balance ya know?

With the sun now gone beyond the horizon the winter cold seeps over Ponyville, sucking the life from each corner. The night removes any sort of heat that might have otherwise been left by the burning star above. It’s cold, real fucking cold yet the wind gives mercy on this night. I would call the general feeling a nip in the air. Thankfully Twilight’s home isn’t the farthest away so I’m able to get there before dying. (I’m being dramatic)

Also I forgot to mention that I did indeed grab AppleJacks present along with my collar, it currently rests loosely around my neck. Some knocks on the door eventually lead to a purple pony greeting me inside with a smile and hug.

“Place your gift on the table right there, we’ll do the exchange later tonight”

Following Twi, I place my gift onto the table and continue behind her. “Do you need any help with anything? I’m here kinda early so might as well help”

“I’m good, I’ve got most of the decorations set up a week before. Here come take a seat while we wait” she heads over to one of the couches near her fireplace to sit down.

Looking around I don’t notice Spike anywhere so it feels appropriate now to talk about the note. “Hey um... something happened and I need your help” I sit down across from her on the opposing couch.

She doesn’t notice at first the importance in my tone, “Another scheme for Spike or maybe some prank for Dash? I’ve told you already you can’t make yourself the opposite gender just for a joke! Plus ponies don’t even-“

“No it’s nothing like that! It’s... I got a letter from that pony”

“What pony?”

I shift awkwardly in my seat, “...That pony”

Her eyes widen for a moment then shift to a look of anger. “What’s it say? She didn’t attack you again did she?”

I shake my head no, “I’m fine... little... spooked is all. I really hate admitting that” I put my hands on my face dragging down in frustration. “Why does this shit have to happen to me”

“I’m glad to hear you’re fine but what did it say Joey?”

Pulling the note out from my pocket I hand it over, she pulls it close with her magic taking a quick look. Her focus shifts from me back to the note a few times, “This is very bad, you need to tell the guard about this Joey”

“Cmon Twi, there’s only so much they can do! It’s not like they’re gonna sit outside my house every night”

“Yea but they could keep a lookout, maybe find suspicious ponies around town that don’t like you. Even if it’s something little like checking through your mail, they might find that pony!”

“And what if they don’t? I can’t sit around waiting for her to come attack me again! This is why I said I need your help, there’s gotta be something you can do. Some spell you can put on me or a magic weapon, anything really”

She sits back thinking for a few seconds before lighting up. “I do have a horn ring used for spell protection but it’s a one time use... and it’s kinda for horns”

“Can’t I just have it on me? Will it work that way?”

Shrugging she says, “I don’t know, I’ve never used it before. It was a gift from my parents the year I moved here, they were worried about me being alone”

“What about a spell you can put on me?”

“Defense magic is very limited in time, a user can only be protected for an hour at most with even the best casters”

Frowning I’m left with no choice, “I guess I’ll take the ring for now”

“Okay let me go grab it” she gets up walking to the back room only to pause at the door, “have something to drink while I go find it, I got a bunch of wine!”

Sitting up I stick my tongue out at her, “Yuck! You know I hate wine!” I can hear her giggles through the door as she trots off.

Sure enough when I look in the kitchen there is a large assortment of wines. Disappointed that it wasn’t a joke I look through the cupboards for some of the old spots Twi hid her vodka. She barely drank it ever and I mean barely. Perfectly good liquor gone to waste. Not long after the start of my search I find the treasure, pouring a glass with some lemon lime mixed soda.

Shortly after my victory Twilight remerges from the back with a large ring around her horn. “Found it! And it still works too, here” she bends her head down lowering her horn.

Pulling it off I realize that despite the large size, it’s somewhat light in weight. It has to be at least an inch and a half in diameter with nothing flashy about it, almost like a silver wedding ring.

“Wow this is real cute, it’ll go great with my collar!” I give my best girly impression.

Twilight laughs grabbing hold of the ring with her magic. “Here let me put it on your collar for you so its always with you outside of home”

As she hooks it around the collars front ring I joke, “You don’t think it will fit around my finger?”

“Pfft maybe if you were a griffen!”

Stepping back she admires her work with a smile, “There, kinda looks nice with the collars color and all”

“Thanks master! I’ll make sure to give you tons a love tonight for my new tag!”

Twi blushes, “Jeez it’s for your protection, you don’t need to make me feel all dirty!”

Finishing my first glass I start to feel a little better, loosening up my attitude. “Oh come on, I bet you’re into that whole master pet shit anyway”

“I am not! That’s way too kinky for me! That sounds more like something Rarity would be into”

“Honestly I’d place my money on Shy, she’s all about animals and stuff anyway. Plus that quiet demeanor? She’s probably the freakiest in bed out of all of you”

Twilights face looks like it could give Rudolph’s nose a run for it’s money. “Can we stop talking about... ponies sex lives please? Especially the girls?”

I cross my arms with a grin, “Like you girls don’t talk about that kinda shit all the time in your little sleepovers”

“But.. that’s different! It’s just the girls”

“Are you saying I’m not a part of the girls? I’m offended”

She face hooves, “ugh you know what I meant!”

Laughing to myself a knock at the door saves Twilight from more abuse. Sitting back down on the couch with a refill I look over to see who’s arrived. It’s AppleJack, Fluttershy and Rarity.

“Sup girls!” I motion to come over. “Have a seat over here, me and Twi were just talking abo-“

“About how much Joey loves Hearths Warming! It’s that right?” Twilight interjects.

“Actually I-“

“What? Y’all got a hearths warmin back on yer planet?”

“No... I mean technically yes but it’s not called Hearths W-“

It appears it’s Rarity’s turn to interrupt now, “Isn’t that just splendid then? Don’t you feel a little more at home spending time with us this evening?”

“Yea I’d say it’s nice..” I glance at Shy preparing for her to interrupt forgetting she’s much to bashful for that. “Usually I’d spend this time with family”

Aj trots over to me and rubs my hair with a hoof, “Consider us family then!”

Normally I wouldn’t feel so emotional at such a trivial statement however my loosened state has me feeling a little vulnerable. I feel a little hot in the face, the same feeling before a cry. Thankfully I’m skilled in the art of hiding my feelings so I put on a happy face.

“Consider us family! I wouldn’t know any other ponies I’d rather spend the night with”

“Hey girls I got a bunch of Pinot noir and Chardonnay for tonight over here if you want” Twilight speaks up from the kitchen.

Rarity and Shy head over while Aj removes her saddlebag and draws from it a bottle of whiskey. She flashes me a wink, I chuckle giving one back. The few that were in the kitchen now head over to sit with us, Aj sitting to my left, Twilight on the loveseat between the couches and the last two on the opposing couch.

“So what’s the whole deal about Hearths Warming? Like what’s the purpose?” I’m sure I’ve been told before but currently it’s escaping me.

“You haven’t heard?” Rarity asks. “Twi would you be a dear and explain, surely you’d be the most qualified at such”

“Yea I agree, cmon nerdy enlighten me”

The girls giggle a little at my joke. Twilight does a good job at deflecting my comment with a flat look. I smile and let her explain.

“I would give you the extended history of the event but I’m sure you wouldn’t be that interested in all of that” I nod. “So I’ll stick to explaining the normal traditions. Usually most ponies exchange gifts, me and Spike the night before, then each pony really has different ways to celebrate. It’s a celebration of the pony races coming together instead of holding anger or hatred toward one another, uniting during one day to build the Equestria you now live in”

“So it’s like your founding day or whatever. The day you celebrate Equestria”

“Precisely dearie”

“Oh... so this is more like 4th of July but on Christmas... and celebrated like Christmas”

“Um.... sure?” Twilight says with a shrug.

“Welp” I lift my drink, “Here’s to Hearths Warming”

They all meet my glass before taking a drink. Another set of knocks gets Twilight from her seat but before she’s able to get up Dash barges in followed by Pinkie and Spike.

“Don’t worry the party is here now girls” Dash proudly remarks.

“You must be the clown we hired, come over here I’m dying for another joke”

“Who let Joey out of his cage? Somepony put him back before he wets the carpet”

Most of the girls seem to be on edge as if Dash’s words were too far. It’s not until I start laughing loudly that they realize it’s okay.

“Okay you win this time, that was nice” Dash smirks coming over to sit beside me on the couch. “Didn’t think you had it in you honestly”

“Eh, well you could say I’ve had some practice” she says while nudging me with a foreleg.

“Like master like pupil”

“Please I’m clearly the master”

“Masterbater”

Aj laughs loudly while Rarity tries to suppress a giggle, Shy is complete flushed and the others are too far away in the kitchen to see their reactions. It’s not long before the others rejoin us filling the seats around the fireplace full. Spike is left sitting on the floor yet said he doesn’t mind, something to do with his scales make things hard to sit on anyways.

“Sorry I was so late girls! The mayor wanted the town party to be extra super special and I couldn’t just leave early”

She’s met with a chorus of “you’re fine” or “it’s fine” in response.

“Hey least you made though. So Twi what’s first on the docket tonight?”

“Okay we can start with a few games to have some fun, then break into the cake. Finally finish the night with the gift exchange and anypony who’s not staying the night can head home”

Dash pokes me whispering, “You staying the night Joey?”

I shrug, “I don’t know maybe”

“Come on, it’ll be fun! When’s the last time you had a sleep over?”

“Shit when I was like 13 maybe? I don’t yet Dash, ask me again later”

She shrugs and we turn our focus back to Twilight. She’s pulled out a large board game, something close to that of Pictionary. Given my hands I figure myself to be the most advantageous to win this game yet the universe had other plans. Once we start, my team composed of Shy, Twilight, Spike, and myself start off hot until I get my first turn at writing. Pulling the card I can’t recognize the reference, it’s a word I’d never seen before.

“I don’t know what this is... can I draw another card?”

“What no! That’s not fair! We didn’t know the phrase for what Aj drew and she still went!” Dash exclaims.

“Fine, I’ll try my best” I sit back down with my card looking it back over before tipping the hourglass upside down.

The word written on the card is bucking. My first thought is like the thing a horse does when it’s trying to get you off but given the circumstances that’s likely incorrect. I can’t think of any people riding ponies around these parts so it has to be something else. My next thought is that it might be the word fucking for ponies but that seems inappropriate for a game like Pictionary. Stumped I decide to draw an image of a pony kicking, or at least the best I can draw of a pony. The time ticks away and incorrect guess after incorrect guess, my team fails to figure it out in time.

“Um... hoof standing?” Shy questions last just before the time runs out.

“No... honestly I really don’t know what this means”

“Here let me see it” Twi asks.

Taking it from my hand with her magic she gives a quick look and blushes up immediately. Reaching for the box her eyes widen, “Oh my, I didn’t realize this was an adult version”

The rest of the girls now look confused looking back to my drawing. “The hay did you draw?” Dash questions.

“I thought it meant... like kicking, I didn’t know”

“Whadid it say?”

“Bucking”

Half the group starts laughing while the other half seems embarrassed. I’m left in the middle completely lost on what’s going on.

Dash is the one to end my confusion, “Ha! That means the same thing as fuck!”

So I was right...

“Twilight why do you have an adult version of this game?”

“Yeah! What in tarnation were ya thinkin when ya bought it?”

“That’s really really really weird Twilight, even for me”

Twilight stands up in her defense, “I never bought it! It was probably a gift or something otherwise I would’ve know already!”

Spike shuffles over patting her shoulder, “Sure Twilight, whatever you say”

Frustrated Twilight sits back down with a flushed face. “I didn’t buy it...” her voice low enough so that we can barely hear.

Pinkie jumps up excitedly, “Okay our turn!” and the game continues.

Turn by turn, my disadvantage starts to become more and more evident. Several times the word, phrase, or pony is new knowledge making me useless during the round. By now however, it doesn’t bother me as much given my continued drinking. I’m not hammered or completely black out but defiantly inebriated. For some reason once I’ve reached this point I become a much more outgoing version of myself, awfully talkative and confident. Beside myself, only Dash, Aj, and maybe Pinkie have allowed themselves to go as far as me.

Looking over at the other team Dash carried a heavy blush and was likely useless for their team at this point. Aj remained stern though also carrying a blush. Lastly Pinkie I would only suggest was drunk due to her sudden quietness compared to normal. Their team seems to be in shambles and it’s match point.

Twilight flips the timer and starts her drawing. She stars with a bunch of star shaped objects on the paper, slowly connecting each with her pencil as she goes on. Within seconds I recognize the answer yet I’m bested by a voice on the other side, it’s Dash.

“Star, it’s... a shtar” Twi shakes her head no.

Grinning I take my guess, “Constellation?”

“Yes! That’s it we win!” Our team jumps up high hoofing each other while Dash stands up angrily.

“Whayt? That’s the shame thing!” Her voice slurred.

“No it’s not Dashie, there’s a difference. Ones a single star and another is a grouping of stars. How bout you learn up kid”

“Whatever... nerd”

Smiling I turn back to my team and pick up Spike throwing him into the air as best I can.

“Alright girls let’s break into the cake and open some gifts”

“Bout time...” Dash pouts.

I walk over and give her a hug with one arm, “Don’t be like that just cause ya lost, how are you gonna get any better without learning from your mistakes”

“Ugh.. pleash I don’t need a life lesshon”

Laughing I let her go and grab a slice of cake, leaning against the wall near the gift table.

Twilight grabs one of the gifts and reads the tag. “Okay so this one is for... Fluttershy! Who got Fluttershy’s gift?”

“I got it... I wasn’t sure what you’d like but I know you do like animals so..” Spike says bashfully.

Taking the gift Shy opens the box smiling once seeing what’s inside. “Oh I love it! This is so cute and perfect!” Its a sweater with a large bear on the front carrying a big pink heart between its claws.

“Really? Good I was kind of worried..”

“No this is wonderful Spike!” And to show off her appreciation she trots over planting a kiss on Spikes forehead. “Thank you!” She gives a large smile.

For some reason I’m the only one surprised at her sudden change of behavior but I guess that comes with the unfamiliarity. Meanwhile Spike stands there with a blush, putting a hand to his head in shock. The girls don’t take notice, their attention back to Twilight with the next gift.

He turns to see me standing there with the largest grin my face could potentially wield, plastered side to side. Immediately he frowns and looks away knowing all to well what I’m thinking.

Big Spike got a new crush

“..and this one is for Rarity”

“That was me Rare, reckon you might like a nice hoof sewn dress from the Apples. Granny Smith did most the work but she taught me a lil on how to stitch the sleeves”

Sure enough a plaid dress is pulled from the gift bag, Rarity tearing up at the sight. “Oh this is just wonderful. It’s so much... you Aj. I’ll have to swing by and thank you all for such a pleasure”

“Ah shucks, it was nuthin” the two seem to carry off to the side to continue their conversation.

“This ones for.. me!” She takes her gift putting it beside herself. “I’ll open it in a second once I get the rest of these passed out. Okay this one is for Spike”

“Thank you, and who got me?”

Dash raises a hoof. Spike smiles her way and opens his gift to see a purple headband for working out along with an amethyst.

“That’s cause I know you like eating gem shtones and the other *hick* is to wear when you’re working out round town for Twishlight”

“Thanks that’s pretty handy, and thanks for the gemstone, always a quick trick to my heart” he finishes with a crunch on his new snack.

How does that not hurt his teeth?

“This ones for Dash!” Like a flash of lighting she’s back to her spot with the gift in hand.

“Aw sick! It’s those wing weights I wanted!”

“Wow who could’ve guessed you’d get them after telling every pony that’s what you want” She sticks her tongue out at me while putting on her gift.

“We got one for Aj!”

I gulp, hoping that she’ll appreciate the gift at least. Aj heads over grabbing the gift looking around for the sender. I raise a hand.

“I gotcha, hope you like it” I give a hopeful smile.

Smiling back she shifts through the gift bag and takes out the hair bow. Inspecting it for a moment she smiles even brighter and takes off her Stetson. Placing it on the back of her mane where it separates the braided section from non, she comes over to me happily.

“That’s a real nice gift ya got me there partner, I really like the lil apple on there. How’d you get that on there?”

“Oh I met some pony named Sweetie Bee when I was out looking for a gift. She owns a little shop near the park that has a bunch of hoof sewn clothing and stuff like that”

“Well don’t let Rare hear ya say that.. she might think yer supportin her competition”

“Hey these lips are sealed” I say while closing an imaginary zipper across my mouth.

During my talk with Aj I notice I’ve missed a few gifts but a pony before me holds out a present. It’s Flutters holding a medium sized box wrapped in carrot wrapping paper. If I had to guess it’s probably some sort of clothing.

“Um... I hope you don’t mind it... I mean if you don’t like it I coul-“

Taking the box I interrupt her, “Please Flutters, I wouldn’t worry about that ever” I start unwrapping as I talk. “Plus even if I didn’t like a gift I’d still keep it. It’s the thought that counts!”

Held out in front of me is a white short sleeve button up shirt covered in several different symbols. At a closer look I see they are the cutie marks of each member of the elements. That isn’t all though, Lunas mark is there as well along with a green fireball representing Spike.

“I had uh... had a little h-help from Rarity to make it b-but I wasn’t sure if you’d like it” I look over to her with a large smile.

“This is right up my alley Shy I love it” a small warmth fills my chest knowing the hard work that probably went into this gift.

“Really? That’s great! I came up with the idea when I remembered you say something about missing your family. So I thought with this gift you could see us as your family every time you wear it” her smile makes my heart ache.

“That’s very thoughtful I... I don’t know what to say”

She steps closer giving me a small hug, “I want you to know that your not alone Joey and this shirt is to show all the ponies that are here for you”

Taken back by her words I return the hug but have to sit down for a second, emotions running rather high.

“Wow... that’s um...” my voice starts to crack. “That really means a lot... that really... really means a lot...”

Tears well up in my eyes as I have to bite my clenched fist to hold back crying. Most of the girls notice the exchange by now and huddle around me one by one. A few tears escape down my face.

“Yer always welcome with the Apples Joey”

“I’ll always have my door open when you need help”

“Spike and I will be here for you whenever you need us!”

“Don’t be afraid to come over darling, I love to have a handsome stallion around to help”

“You can count on Pinkie to be there every step of the way no matter what!”

This just leaves Dash, we all turn to look her way. Facing away she breaks the silence. “You’re a pretty good friend Joey... so let’s have some more fun in the future...” she looks back to me for a second before blushing, “Stop staring it’s embarrassing” We all share a small laugh as Pinkie pulls Dash into the group hug.

She can’t help but smile once we’re all together.

Pulling away she brushes herself off still red faced “So now what Twilight? Got any more egghead ideas of how to pass the time?”

With a smirk Twi replies, “Are you spending the night because I don’t think it’s important for you to know otherwise”

“Eeehh maybe. I don’t know yet.... depends on what I’ll miss”

“Guess you’ll just have to stay to find out...”

Dash starts to grit her teeth, “Cant you just tell me?!”

Back near the fireplace I chirp, “Where’s the fun in that?”

“While y’all keep bickerin, I gotta head home. Y’all know how us Apples like to open our presents in the mornin”

“Yes it’s about time I head back as well. I shouldn’t keep Sweetie all alone this late”

Quietly Shy steps up as well, “And I um... need to head home too. Angel gets real lonely when I’m gone too long”

The group all gives their goodbyes waving each other out the door until we’re back to where we were before. It’s a standoff between Twilight, Dash and I.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me” she crosses her hooves next to me on the couch.

“Sounds like you’ll get to see anyways”

“I don’t want to have to wait and see! I’m tired, woozy, and I don’t even want to think about waking up here tomorrow!”

“Then go home”

“BUT I WANNA KNOW!”

Simultaneously Twi and I respond, “Know what?”

Pinkie meanwhile let’s this whole debacle go on behind her as she finds herself invested in the gift Twilight got her. Even in its simplicity, the pellet drum keeps Pinkie completely engulfed in amazement.

“You two are going to give me a heart attack, I’m going home”

“Okaaay but you’re gonna miss ooouuuut!”

“Don’t care... don’t have time... going home”

Shutting the door behind her we wait a moment in silence to see if she’s really gone. Eventually Pinkie walks over opening the door to reveal Dash leaning against it with her ear pressed. The sudden change causes her to fall face first into the wood floor. Almost cartoon like her face seems to suction cup off the floor when she pulls away.

“Hiya Dash! You staying the night?”

“NO! I’m going home for real now!”

Fast forward 20 minutes and it’s Dash, me, Twi, Spike, and Pinkie all surrounding the fireplace. Pinkie finds herself wrapped around my arm leaning into me while Twilight and Spike share their own couch opposing us. Dash splits the difference on the loveseat with an angry look.

Twilight leads the charge with a raised hoof, “I thought it would be a fun time for a game of truth... or dare!” Raising an eyebrow I speak up.

“Yea... I don’t know if that’s a great idea I mean Spikes like 12, Pinkie here is a total perv, Dash is fuckin wasted and you’re grinning ear to ear. Not saying I have spider senses or anything but this reeks bad news”

“Oh come on! Who would’ve thought you’d be the first to disagree” Spike in the meantime mutters behind Twilight, something about not being 12.

“Yeah big guy what gives? Thought you were the life of the party?”

“Didn’t you literally say that yourself when you walked in the door?” She pauses in thought.

“No... well not exactly”

I look to Spike thinking he’ll agree with me, “What do you think?”

Shrugging he says, “Sure why not”

“Alright! Let me get a bottle to spin” Getting up Twi rushes to the kitchen.

“Hey can you get me a glass of water while you’re up?”

By now I’m not feeling to well, wishing I’d stopped a few drinks before.

“What’s a matter big guy? Can’t handle a few drinks?” Dash says with a grin.

“There’s like so many ways I could destroy you right now” Spike can’t help but laugh.

Twilight quickly returns placing our spinning bottle down on the table between us also handing me a glass of water at the same time.

“Okay here’s our bottle and we’ll do oldest pony goes first!”

“Nah how about humans go first... oh what do you know, it’s my turn!”

Pinkie jumps up from cuddling my arm, “I say we spin for it!”

Taking a moment to realize how easily that solves our problem I have to cough into my hand to relive myself of my own stupidity. Twilight seems to share the same feeling looking away toward the wall.

“Oh yeah... that’s a good idea... why didn’t I think of that”

Spinning the bottle it eventually ends on Spike causing him to get up and spin it again. Whirling it’s way round and round it eventually comes to a slow halt directly pointed toward me.

“Now you say truth or dare Joey”

“I know how to play purple, dare”

“Hmm, I dare you to... be walked like a dog”

I shift my head backward in confusion, “What? That’s fuckin weird bro”

“Is it too embarrassing?”

Pinkie starts making chicken noises beside me.

“Ugh fine! Who’s got a leash? Nopony? Welp too bad looks lik-“

“Actually I got a leash in the drawer over there. Sometimes I watch Aj’s dog and I needed an extra leash just in case”

Smiling brightly with an involuntary eye twitch I lean back into my seat. “Now isn’t that convenient huh?”

Pinkie chooses now to emerge from behind me with a worried glance, “Spike I don’t know if this is really okay with Joey I mean it bot-“

I stop her right there, “Pinkie it’s fine, I’ll get him back later” giving a wink at the end.

She sits back down still worried but willing to respect my decision. “Okay”

While Pinkie voiced her concern, Twilight had gone and gathered the leash floating it toward me. Catching it in my hand I take the time to loop it around the front loop along with the ring from earlier.

“What’s that ring? I don’t remember seeing that before?” Pinkie asks.

“Oh I had it lying around here for a while. It’s a defensive spell bound ring that protects the wearer from one magical attack”

“Why’s Joey need that? Are you worried about somepony hurting him cause I won’t let anything happen to him on my watch! I’ll have you know I know karate!” She proceeds to chop the air with several attacks.

“Yeah Twi, you know I wouldn’t let that happen either. Nopony can escape me, the fastest flyer in Equestria”

Twilight sits back down in her chair with a smile, “Of course you two would protect him from anything but that’s not why I did it. He asked me to” They both look in my direction.

Shrugging I’m left with no choice but to tell the truth, “I’m worried about that fucker coming back and trying something so I asked Twilight for some help”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were worried earlier stupid?”

“Maybe cause I wasn’t! Plus you don’t even know magic!”

“Do too! Pegasus have magic right Twilight”

She rubs her foreleg in a bashful manner, “I don’t think that’s what Joey’s talking about”

“What are you taking about then?” She shifts her attention back to me.

“The kind of magic that protects or attacks and shit not the kind that lets you hold a friken cup without fingers” I flex my fingers demonstrating what I mean.

She huffs in annoyance, “Okay I guess you’re right then in this case... but tell me sooner next time okay?”

“Again I said I wasn’t even worried til today”

“What changed?”

“She sent me a letter”

“She did what?!?” Dash starts to fume at this point, ready to explode.

“I got a letter in the mail today and I think it was that... pony” Visible disgust washes over my face at just the thought.

“Well I know the mail mare Derpy so I can go ask her who sent it and we can trace it back to the sender right?”

We all seem to agree with Dash’s plan nodding our heads. “Sounds like a pretty good plan actually”

“Yep! I’ll go to the post office tomorrow and ask around for you” she’s says with a salute.

I salute back, “Aye aye captain, we will await your orders”

“Can we get back to the game?” Spike interrupts us from the moment, tapping his foot impatiently.

“Yeah yeah I get it. You just want to walk me already you little pervert so let’s get it over with”

Giving Spike the collar he waits patiently for something, I shrug my shoulders. “I said like a dog dude”

“Yeah and what’s that supposed to mean? You only said like a dog”

“Well dogs walk on four legs do they not?”

“And you didn’t specify that so take what you can get fire boy” actually a little angry that he even wanted to pull an act like this over me I start to get an idea in my head. “Actually this dog has to pee so walk me to the potty”

“Ew no way!”

“Uh oh this doggy doesn’t behave either! Looks like he has a bad tugging problem” I start to pull Spike with me toward the bathroom.

“Alright that’s enough jeez! You win you win...”

Pulling off the leash I give a bow, “Thank you, thank you very much!” I get some claps from both Twilight and Pinkie.

Having to actually piss, I leave shortly to take care of business and return to quite the sight. The group has gathered around a very hot faced Twilight with the rest currently giggling.

“What did I miss?”

“She said truth so Dash asked who was her first crush and Twilight said-“

“Now now there isn’t any need to repeat that now isn’t there?”

Smiling I sit back beside Pinkie, “Now I’m curious. Who’d she say?”

Still laughing Dash is barely able to get out, “S-star swirl the B-bearded!”

A familiar name but the joke doesn’t hit me. “Why’s that so funny?”

“Cause he’s an old geezer! And he’s like super dead!”

“I was a young filly alright! He was super gifted in magic and stuff so I kinda always looked up to him”

Now knowing the joke a little too late I settle for a single huff, “Wow, kinda weird there purple”

Still blushing she puffs her cheeks, “Spin the bottle Joey it was supposed to be your turn before you left”

I give it a nice spin before it lands on myself so I spin it again. This time it points at Spike.

“Well look at this... isn’t this... interesting” a large mischievous grin makes its home across my lips.

“Truth! I choose truth!”

Laughing like a madman I point his way, “You think that’ll save you? News flash, you’re beyond saving now”

“Yeah real scary”

“Spike Maxwell Williams the third... have you ever jerked off to Rarity?”

Brightly blushing he stands up pointing back to me, “That’s a ridiculous question!”

“The court demands an answer Williams”

“Yeah Williams!” Pinkie shouts. “We want an answer! We want an answer!”

He looks away with embarrassed, “No! I never had”

I look to Twilight, “Can you tell if he’s lying?”

“Yeah cause I’ve heard him doing that nasty stuff before at night”

“What!?!”

Twilight still embarrassed from before now seems to be at her wits end if she has to gone on like this. “Maybe be a little quieter Spike alright! This house isn’t exactly soundproof..”

“Williams!” I shout. “You’ve lied in a court of law and therefore find yourself sentenced to a penalty. We shall let the people decide your fate” I turn back to the others, “What are we gonna make him do?”

Moving together we place ourselves into a small huddle. “We could make Spikey do a bunch of silly things like eat a spoonful of cinnamon”

“Or we could dress him up like mare”

“Could make him wear a collar like me, that way he’ll think again about fucking with me”

The girls seem to be slightly disturbed by my suggestion but ignore its weirdness. “I like the mare idea let’s do that!”

So soon enough we go back to the game with a new Spike taking her place next to Twilight with a frown.

“Alright Twi you spin it since it was supposed to be your turn anyways”

“What about my turn!” Spike shouts.

“You already went and Twi had to admit her weird crush already. Give the mare a break will you”

“Thanks for reminding me Joey” she says with a flat face, spinning the bottle til it stops on Pinkie.

Our game keeps going for a few more rounds until every pony has gone at least twice at both spinning the bottle and being truth or dared. The night seems to be getting late and Dash is struggling to stay awake. I too have drank more than my fair share and find myself rather tired as well, somewhat falling asleep while Pinkie cuddles against me.

“I guess we should call it a night, everypony here seems to be getting a little tired” Twilight gets up taking care of the bottle and a few plates with the help of Spike. “Joey you can stay in your old room if you’d like. Noponies slept in it since you moved out”

“Alright thanks” I have to shake my head to stay awake. Pinkie seems to be leaching the energy straight from my body through her little hug. “Okay Pinkie let me go”

She fights against my tug with a pouty face, “No I’m too comfy right here”

Dash suddenly speaks with half lidded eyes, “How about.... you two.... lovebirds...” and then passes out completely.

Chuckling at the sight I finally pull away from Pinkies hold. “Joey! What the hay! I didn’t get enough cuddles and you know it”

“You’ve gotten plenty already now settle down goober” I walk into the kitchen greeting Spike and Twi. “You two need any help or?”

Twi turns back to the living room and points to Dash, “Could you get her a blanket and a pillow for me? Shes likes sleeping on the couch when she stays over so that’s probably where’s she’s gonna be for tonight”

“Easy enough”

Following her commands I head over to the closet and grab a blanket and pillow from her extra sets. Once I’ve made my way back to Dash I gently lift her head placing the pillow beneath and cover her in a blanket. She snores loudly with her mouth wide open.

“...never tuck me in” Pinkie says grumpily behind me.

“You sleep in my bed every night you spoiled little filly”

Pinkie places a hoof over her mouth aghast, “You sleep with fi-“

“Don’t you finish that line pink or you’ll be sleeping out here with Dash”

Her eyes light up at what I said, “Wait you’re letting me sleep with you tonight? Wowee this night keeps getting better and better!”

“Shhhh! Quiet!” I loudly whisper.

Pinkie zips her lips bouncing up and down in excitement. “I think I’ll go there now. I’ll be waiting...” she says the last part sultry while showing off her hips with each step.

My lord you pervert

“You sleep with Pinkie?”

I jump up from fright at the whispery voice behind me. Turning to look I see it’s Spike.

“Jesus Spike you’re going to kill me sneaking around like that” his face is slightly blushed for some reason.

“So you’re admitting you’ve slept together?”

“Oh... yeah she sleeps with me all the time” his face goes through an array of emotions from disbelief, confusion, then embarrassment.

“But I thought... didn’t you say you didn’t find Ponies attractive like that?”

Now it’s my turn to be confused, “What are you talking about? Why does that matter with conversation?”

He seems almost offended at my question, “What do you mean? Don’t two ponies n-need to love each other to... do that?”

“Why the fuck would I need that? I’d sleep with anypony I know close. Long as they keep their distance”

Finally some realization hits Spike at what I’m referring to. “Ohhhh you’re talking about just sleeping. I was gonna say”

“Wait you thought we were fuckin?”

He burns brightly at the word, “Hey easy dude! Don’t say that so loud Twilight might here”

“Why would she care if... actually never mind dumb question”

“Yeah... remember? She likes you dude so you and Pinkie being all touchy tonight? I know she won’t say anything or show it but that probably makes her really jealous”

I give a disbelieving look, “Yeah right like a few cuddles would make Twi jealous” I turn and look to see Twilight putting away the rest of the cake. She doesn’t seem any different. “Are you sure?”

“Listen, if I were her and you were Rarity with some other stallion? I’d be mad”

“You can’t compare yourself to Twilight, she’s a completely different person... pony”

“Hey it’s just a thought” he leaves me after saying that, heading back to help in the kitchen.

Left with my thoughts I start heading to my old room in the tree home.

Spikes making that up, I’m positive

Truthfully I’m not positive at all but it’s what will help me sleep at night. Opening the door to my old room there’s a certain nostalgic feel, so many days spent sleeping here. I spent my first days in Equestria in this very same room. Nights spent wondering my existence here, the very purpose of my arrival from Earth. It’s an existential question that still eludes me to this day. Is there even a purpose? Is this all just by happenstance? My own thoughts are interrupted by the pink pony laying in my bed.

“Having an existential crisis?”

Her ability to surprise me is second to none

“Kinda” I get into bed and under the covers with Pinkie.

“Well I think it matters why you’re here and that you should enjoy the time you have no matter what”

I sigh, “Easier said than done”

Pinkie scoots over, hugging against me like before. “Why are you letting me sleep with you tonight? Aren’t you worried that Twilight would get mad at us?”

“First off it’s your fault cause you attach yourself to me every night so I can’t sleep without you. Secondly why would Twi be mad?”

“Cause were her guests! Isn’t it inappropriate to sleep together under her roof? What if she thinks we’re gonna do the nasty!”

I shush her with a finger, “Yelling out ‘do the nasty’ doesn’t exactly help our case here and what is Twilight to us? She’s not either of our parents so why would she care? Also she knows we wouldn’t do anything like that... at least she knows I wouldn’t”

“Come on Joey I would never”

“Then why do you think she’d think we would?”

She stays still for a moment, “I don’t know” she giggles. “Maybe I felt like messing with you”

“Ugh... more like messing with me you perv”

“Hey that was you saying that not me! You’re the pervert for even thinking that!”

“You probably get off to the smell of my dirty clothes when I’m not around don’t you?”

“Nah, I like to use your toothbrush after you’re done using it. That’s all”

I can tell she’s joking and start tickling her for even saying that. Giggling loudly she gets pinned under me fairly easy. “You’re a dirty mare”

She stops giggling for second and looks me in the eyes, “I’m your dirty mare” giving a wink at the end.

The instant she speaks I’m caught off guard, Pinkie uses the slip up to take control pinning me down. She starts her own tickle attack in retaliation.

“Please! Please god stop, it was deserved you miscreant!” She tickles me for a few seconds against my pleas eventually stopping with a smile.

“Ha! Size doesn’t always matter Joey and don’t forget that!”

“Okay okay, I get it... don’t tickle me anymore”

Given the pause I soak in the situation around me realizing that I’m completely pinned beneath Pinkie. Easily I could flip her off me but that wouldn’t change the fact that this situation is breeding grounds for another panic attack. Only it doesn’t come. Whether it’s because of the drinking or perhaps I’m getting better, I don’t really care. I’d be happy without any explanation so long as I don’t freak out from now on. Pinkie seems to remember my discomfort in these situations and gets off me.

“Sorry... I forgot again”

“You’re fine... I don’t feel like I’m gonna freak out like normal so..”

“Do.. do you think you’re getting better?”

I shrug, “I don’t know... maybe, maybe not”

She can’t help but make a worried face, “I hope you feel normal again Joey. It hurts knowing that you’re suffering”

The word suffering seems to trigger a response in me, “Don’t call it suffering... I’m sure there’s much worse things that other ponies are going through”

Pinkie let’s out a little huff, “Ya know you can be really stoopid sometimes” I give a confused look. “Why do you feel like it’s not okay to say you’re hurting?”

“I never said I wasn’t hurting”

“But you’re downplaying your issue! Even I notice that silly” she boops me on the nose with her hoof making me blink.

I really do keep doing that

“Sorry... I don’t... I never liked attention and I still don’t. So saying something like I need help makes me feel like I’m asking for attention or that a bunch of people are going to be paying attention to me closer. I just wanna be in the background, behind the scenes. I never wanted anything more than that”

She hugs my arm tightly with a sad expression. “I’m sorry Joey I never knew that. I’m used to being the center of attention so I can’t relate that much but I do know how it feels when you want to be alone... if that’s similar”

“Kinda only I don’t want to be alone... I’m terrified of being alone” I turn to her saying the last part with sadness in my eyes.

Pinkie doesn’t say anything rather hugs herself deeper into me almost like an invitation to let it out. I don’t feel like I need to tonight though, settling for returning the hug instead.

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore” she says this at a whisper and suddenly I feel like maybe tonight is a good night for a cry.

To my credit though I manage to suck it up only letting out a few sniffles. After this I try to sleep although after tonight’s activities and feeling exhausted, sleep still evades me. Looking down at Pinkie I can’t tell if she’s asleep so I whisper to her.

“You awake?”

“Hm?” Her tone let’s me know she’s just hanging in there.

“I can’t sleep”

“Hmm maybe .....” she mumbles the last part trailing off.

“Sorry I’ll let you sleep”

Quickly she opens her eyes giving me her attention although doesn’t seem awake. “No no... what’s wrong?”

I can’t help but feel bad now, like I made her worry for nothing. “Nothing... I just can’t sleep. There’s nothing you can do to help so I shouldn’t even be bothering you”

She gives me a look that I can’t read, maybe she’s nervous? “Can... can I kiss you? Maybe you need to relax”

Strange request given the time and situation but I’m curious to see why. “Sure I guess... but I don’t see-“

I stop mid sentence due to Pinkie closing the gap between us, her gaze moves from my lips to my eyes. Accepting her approach I close my eyes waiting for her touch. At the last second I can feel her heat before our lips meet. While not as passionate as two lovers, it’s a gentle smooch with loving touch and lasts for a handful of seconds. Stopping she pulls away laying atop of me with her head resting aside mine.

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Pinkie what’s the big deal? How’s this gonna make me fall asleep?”

She’s silent and speaks just before I go to ask again. “I thought you might not be able to sleep because you’re worried about being alone” I’m the quiet one now not giving a reply. “Can we kiss again?”

“...sure”

Again we press against each other although this time things are a little more heated. Together our movements become more forceful, with meaning. Pinkie seems to get a little to into it and starts grinding into me. I’m too focused elsewhere to notice right away only coming to realize after we part again. There’s also the reemergence of a certain feeling although this time somethings different, it’s stronger. Like being nervous or feeling sick, I can’t ignore it. Once separated I take a second to admire the situation. Both our faces are surely hot but the night hides any trace of color. Things don’t get awkward until I notice a wetness down below, and it’s not from me.

“Sorry! I got a little carried away, I’ll go to sleep now goodnight Joey” she says every word after sorry at an incredible speed leaving me speechless.

“Pinkie?”

“I can’t hear you I’m sleeping”

“.. we got a little carried away”

She turns back towards me with embarrassment practicality bleeding from her pores. “We’re both a little tipsy so let’s pretend that never happened okay? Our little secret!”

Her behavior is very odd from what I’m used to. Normally she can keep her cool but this time she seems to be flustered more than she can manage. Truthfully it goes both ways as that sickness still nags at me, brewing away in my stomach. I feel compelled to act.

“Um... yeah you’re probably right” She gives an awkward smile and rolls back over away from me. “But I I’d like to remember” she goes to turn over yet stops halfway.

“You should get some rest Joey, you’ve been very... silly tonight”

Wether it’s the alcohol or my balls finally dropping I realize I don’t want to wait anymore. It could be drastic behavior but something feels right about doing this now. Grabbing Pinkie by the front leg I flip her back over, our faces only an inch apart. When our eyes meet I can tell she’s surprised at my sudden change of behavior with a shocked expression. It doesn’t take long though for her to collect herself and look away flushed.

“Joey I don’t know if we should-“

Pulling her face to me I silence her with a kiss. Things starts slow, hesitation on Pinkies part but as I start to pull her more into me she begins ease up closing her eyes. Again our bodies seem to intertwine with hooves and hands wrapping one another almost desperately. Like a thirst I feel a need for more, as if her lips weren’t enough to satisfy me. Pinkie starts to grind against me again, doing what her body pleads. It’s obvious we both want more, a lust for the ultimate pleasure. By now our tongues have met, my own eager to explore what Pinkie has to offer. She takes her own time to explore me as well pulling away while breathing heavy.

“Your canines are kinda hot. Makes me feel a little scared... I like it”

Smiling at her silliness I lay my face beside her own with my elbows bent in order to keep my full weight from pressing down. “I told myself I’d wait to make a decision but I can’t wait anymore, I’m ready to give you an answer”

“Do you think it’s okay that we’re doing this not sober? I don’t want to feel like I pressured you into this or anything”

“I’m telling you now you didn’t pressure me. I probably should’ve done this sooner honestly instead of being such a prune”

“I don’t think you were being a prune Joey, you were just worried about rushing things that’s all”

“Yeah but at what cost? I should’ve gave you answer right away”

“But you didn’t know how you felt yet”

“Maybe I did... and I was just afraid of losing this... us. I didn’t want my decision to change the way you felt around me so I felt like if I didn’t say no you’d be my friend still”

“Even if you said no Joey I’d still be there no matter what. I love you, I told you that already and that means no matter what you’d have me there.. even if you didn’t love me back”

“I guess I should’ve realized that before, I kinda experienced that very same feeling myself in the past”

She gives a small kiss on my cheek, “So you’re saying now that you love me?” Her whisper creates tingles across my body.

“Yeah... I think I do”

“Can you say it to me then... please?”

Biting my lip from being embarrassed I suck up the pride and look Pinkie in the eyes. “I love you” She smiles brightly with tears in her eyes.

“I always w-worried I’d n-never hear that” I give her a tight squeeze and continue.

“I know I can be trouble but can you be patient with me? I can be really stupid and thick headed but I promise I’ll give you my everything”

Laughing she wipes the tears coming from her eyes, “Joey I already know how stupid you can be” she gives me a kiss on my forehead. “And I love that about you... I love everything about you”

“Even my bad jokes?”

“Yes heh, even your bad jokes”

I lay my face back down into the bed but make sure to lay next to Pinkie rather than atop, leaving just my arm draped over her. “You’re a fucking saint for putting up with me”

Giggling she ruffles my hair, “Eh, you come with your benefits... like cuddles” Flipping back over I can’t help but start laughing. “What? What’s so funny?”

“How do we explain to Twilight the smell on her sheets?”

“What do you *sniff* oh... that’s kinda naughty” she says while placing a hoof over her growing smile.

“Yeah.. it is. Plus I know you ponies smell shit super hard so if I can smell this then how long will it take for Twilight to? She’s gonna beat me up, watch”

“She’s probably gonna think we had some fun and give me a stern yelling, it’s nothing I can’t handle” she says with a wink.

We both sit there in silence gazing into each others eyes.

“So, we’re a thing now right?”

“Yuppie we sure are”

“... that’s pretty cool”

She laughs and meets me with another kiss, “Let’s catch some z’s joofus, it’s probably the smart thing to do”

“Joofus?”

“Joey and dofus, I thought of it myself”

“Duh”

“So you like it?”

“No that’s terrible, call me anything else even love... not in public though, that’s super embarrassing”

Smiling she hugs against me, “Okie Dokie!”

“Night Pinkie”

“Night lovey”

It was the best night sleep I’d ever had followed by the worst morning sickness I’d felt since arriving here. What a weird way for things to turn out. Hopefully I made the right decision and not something rash, only time will tell.

15 A Trip to Canterlot

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A week has passed since Hearths Warming and truthfully, everything feels about the same. After me and Pinkies little moment, the only real change was the amount of physical activity between us. Things like kissing or cuddling seemed more frequent but other than that we hadn’t really changed much in the way we treated each other. I hadn’t really realized it til now, we’d pretty much acting like we were dating already. One funny moment though that did come the day after, was having to explain to Pinkie that it was okay if she wanted to kiss me whenever. I guess I could see why’d she worry given how much I’ve been through and my issue with lots of touching but, I’m starting to believe all this time spent in Equestria has helped me with my issue. I don’t seem to really mind all the hugging and shit, so long as it’s not from a stranger. Guess that makes me kinda normal.

Either way I’m dealing with my issues head on with confidence so that I can look back and be proud of myself for growing. Although I couldn’t have done any of this without the girls helping me, specially Pinkie. Thinking back over my decision with a clear head, I can safely say that I made the right choice. Nopony was more deserving of my support and care than Pinkie herself. She’s been there for me almost every step of the way through good times and bad. I owe her my life.

Not everything is sunshine and rainbows though. I’m still a little shook on the whole letter incident, settling for wearing my collar with its new protective ring almost always. Full well knowing the risks of wearing it for long periods of time, I still feel like the pros outweigh the cons. Feel a little shittier or possibly get assaulted again? While we’re on the topic of my fears, let’s talk about my newest one, my new relationship. Of course it’s a wonderful thing to be with someone/somepony you love but this feels different, it comes with all kinds of worries. Not only do I not know most of the pony norms for dating but there’s also the issue of our differing species. I don’t even know how certain things would work out... would we be compatible? Would I even be enough? Just thinking about these questions brings a blush to my face.

“Morning lovey dovey wovey! How’s joofus feeling today? Ready to see Canterlot for the first time?” A very chipper Pinkie bounces into the room.

Still struggling to get out of bed I stretch out my limbs with a big yawn. “.... *mumble* yeah just give me like.... a few more hours”

Hoping up onto the bed she jumps on top of me with a loud oof. “Cmon sleepy! We gotta get ready and meet up with the girls at the station!” She give my face a few pokes. “Joey Joey Joey Joey Joey Joey-“

In retaliation I attempt to grab the interrupter of my precious sleep, failing miserably with an jump away.

“Nope! Too slow! Looks like your gonna have to get up to stop me” and then commence the annoyance once more. “Joey jooooeeeeeeyyy”

“All right I’m up!” I groan while lifting the covers off of me.

There’s an old familiar feeling hovering around me, pure unsaturated morning sickness. Knowing full well it’s the collar around my necks fault, I pull at it in frustration. Pinkie meanwhile takes advantage of my exposed form and leaps into my stomach, crawling under my shirt.

“Cave exploration!” She forces her way under my shirt but is only able to fit her head before getting stuck. “Oh look! A Joelagmite!”

Her fur tickles against my bare skin making me squirm. “Stop your going to stretch my shirt out!”

Pulling herself back she give me a quick kiss on the lips, moving to only a few inches away from my face. There’s a light tinge of red across her muzzle. She couldn’t be more wide awake and her smile couldn’t be more infectious. Even a introvert like me couldn’t resist her smile.

“I love you”

Smiling I kiss her back, “Love you too Pinkie”

I let myself get carried away admiring her face. Only a few more seconds go by before we both start laughing.

“You gotta get up Joey, we’re gonna be late”

“Then you have to get off of me”

“... you aaaare kinda warm though. I wouldn’t mind staying like this a little longer” a greedy smile makes its way across her face.

She runs her face against my bare stomach lowering my defenses only to blow a large raspberry right dead center.

“Okay that’s it!”

Pinkie jumps off me and runs away giggling while I leap out of bed chasing her for a few steps. She’s much to quick to catch and escapes easily, I’ll have to settle the score later.

Today was the vacation day the girls planned with me to spend a weekend in Canterlot. Twi used her connections (Celestia) to get us a stay within the castle each night. First priority on the day was making it to the train station on time before we get ahead of ourselves. Dressing appropriately for the cold, it’s not until I turn around that I realize Pinkie has snuck back into the room and was wearing the original hoodie I arrived in Equestria with. Surprisingly it seems to fit her rather well besides the much to long front sleeves.

“That’s adorable but be careful, that’s one of the few things I got left”

She gives me a look only a child would give to a nagging parent. “I know, I know... can I wear it today?”

Smiling I ruffle her mane, “I didn’t say you couldn’t did I?”

“But... what if the girls realize I’m courting you?”

Forgot to mention, our relationship is kinda under wraps. We hadn’t told any of the girls yet, and it was really all my fault. I suggested we tell them during this trip as a surprise, honestly I was just delaying the awkward conversation I’ll have to have with Twilight. I was being selfish and I hated myself for it. I didn’t want things to be any different between us and I know that when the news breaks that Twilight might be upset.

“If they haven’t figured it out by now then that’s on them” We both walk over to the door and begin putting on our winter apparel. “You know, I’ve never ridden on a train before”

Thankfully my new topic distracts Pinkie from her worries, “Wow really? Oh it’s really fun! I mean it’ll probably be a little cold but we can always warm each other up!”

“Aaaand there goes the chances at a non pervy day”

“I’m not pervy! Pinkie needs warm Joey love inside her!”

“Your not even trying to hide it anymore”

“What do you mean?” She asks innocently.

Shaking my head I continue to lace up my boots, ignoring her act. She takes notice, giggling to herself and joins me in gathering our clothes for the trip. Both armed with our bags I take a second to lock the door behind us before we start our journey to the train station to meet with the rest of the girls. Still a little sick from wearing the collar too long, I start to slack a little in pace.

“You okay? You looked kinda pale since you’ve been up? Are you sick?”

Dismissing her off with a wave I try to soothe her worries. “The collar... kinda forgot how I used to feel every morning. I guess it’ll get some getting used to again”

“Just cause that nasty pony sent you a letter doesn’t mean you need to worry all the time silly. Me and the girls wouldn’t let anything happen to you so it’s okay if you don’t wear the collar”

I try to think of a proper response that helps Pinkie understand my rational, glancing around in thought while walking. Distracted for a moment by a mare tripping on some ice and spilling her milk everywhere I come up with an answer I deem good enough.

“Me wearing this is like reassurance, it’s a mind game for myself. Does that make sense? Like I’m tricking myself into thinking it’s okay.... cause it is”

Drawing her attention away from the milk soaked mare she looks back to me with concern. “Can I help her for a second? I heard what you said it’s... give me a second”

Rushing over to help the mare, it’s a few minutes added to our trip but it’s nothing to worry about. We’d left much earlier then necessary in case of any issues. Once that’s taken care of Pinkie gives me her attention once more.

“Well I guess that makes sense but I worry about you when you wear that collar too long! It makes you feel all sad and stuff”

“I’ll be fine and if things get too bad I’ll tell you. I’m trying to be more vocal with these things so trust me”

“Whatever you say Mr J”

Our walk seems to go on longer than I expected, I’d never seen or been to the station so it’s not too shocking. Thinking back to that milk mare I can’t help but chuckle some, she truly was covered in milk across her whole face. Reminded me of a kitten not knowing when to slow down on their first bowl of milk.

“What’s so funny?”

“You can’t lie, that mares face looked hilarious! She was fuckin drenched in milk! Like my god that sucks”

“It is pretty funny but we should always help out a pony when something like that happens, wouldn’t you want somepony to help if you were the milked one?”

“First off I’d never allow myself to get milked like that, secondly I will admit that was awfully nice of you to go and help her. You trying to impress your new boyfriend?”

“Joey ponies call it coltfriend and marefriend, otherwise who’s gonna know what you’re talking about. Ponies are gonna think you’re an alien!”

“You’re right, it’s not the standing on two legs or the pale hairless complexion that gives it away. No it’s my linguistics that are the fingerprints of the crime”

Sharing a laugh I flip the hood of the hoodie over Pinkies head. “Hey! It’s too big, I can’t see!”

“That’s what she said”

She looks up at me with her eyes still covered by the hood, “Who’s the pervy pony now hmm?”

Rest of our walk goes about the same, childish banter between the two of us making the trip go by quickly. Eventually we reach the station and I’m able to put a picture in my head of what to remember. Rather small, the Ponyville train station was far from modern given the several aged materials holding up its frame. Upon first glance I’d say the entirety of the station is made of wood beside the metal rails making up the tracks. Seemingly old, the paintwork remained fresh, breathing some life into the old structure. Approaching from the front, Pinkie and I come up on the service desk where a dark earth stallion stands at the ready, his grey beard the most notable feature.

“Hey there Pinkie! You and your friend here looking to buy some tickets or do you have a ride already scheduled?” His voice is rather soft yet seasoned, easy going on the ears.

Pinkie takes lead, “We’re going to Canterlot! Big guy here hasn’t ever been there, can you believe that?”

“What she means to say is we already have our tickets”

“Oh, if that’s the case you must be waiting for the 9 o’clock ride. Its normally on time so I’d say you two are early” he readjusts his hat some revealing his gray mane. “Do you mind letting me check your tickets before you head in?”

Handing over the tickets it takes not even 10 seconds before he’s able to confirm their authenticity and hand them back.

“All right you two, you’re all set. Enjoy your trip and Miss Pie, thank you for your help with setting up the Hearths Warming decorations. I’d like to think I can still decorate this station by myself but, I’m not exactly the stallion I used to be” he gives an honest look of appreciation.

“You’re welcome! I’ll make sure to help out next year too if you don’t mind Mr T”

“Not at all miss Pie, the station folk love your company” taking his hat he presses it against his chest with a light bow. “Thank ya and have a wonderful day”

Waving goodbye Pinkie heads off into the station, I take a moment to give a smile to the stallion. “Thanks Mr, have a nice day”

It takes a a second but I’m able to catch back up with Pinkie, her pace awfully chaotic given the fact she’s hopping with each step. “Who was that? He was awfully nice”

“That’s Track Station, he’s been working at the Ponyville train station since before I was born! He’s a real nice pony and he likes dark chocolate a whole bunch! One time I nee- oh look it’s Twilight!” Pointing forward it’s made clear that it is indeed Twilight.

Just ahead both Twilight and Spike sat with their bags on one of the few benches in the station. Twi was buried in her book while Spike sat there looking bored, swinging his legs off the edge of his seat. Like a dog away from its handler, Pinkie bolts over to the two of them forcing me to run after her.

“Hey Twilly! Hi Spike! Where’s the rest of the girls?”

Pinkies sudden outburst causes Twilight to spaz out and throw her book into the air. Luckily Spike catches it before it falls and hands it back to Twi. She takes a moment to collect herself, pushing her reading glasses back up her face.

“Hey Pinkie... I’m not sure about anypony beside Rarity. I stopped by her place before I got here and she said that she needed to ‘freshen up’ before she could come. You know how she gets when it comes to Canterlot”

“Sup Twi, sup Spike. How you two doing?”

“Good Joey, awfully early for a late owl like yourself huh?”

Twi’s comment draws attention to my face, I hadn’t realized yet how tired I looked. “Do I look tired?”

“Dude you look exhausted, what time did you go to bed?”

I cross my arms in defense, “It wasn’t that late I swear... I’ve never been a morning person so give me some time and I’ll be all pretty for you”

Giggling Twi turns back to Pinkie, “Why are you wearing Joey’s hoodie? That is your hoodie right?”

“Cause I stole it when he wasn’t looking and now he can’t tell me to take it off, he said I looked to cute in it!”

Blushing I pull the strings on her hood making it impossible for her to see, “That’s not what I said at all!”

“Joey your hoodie is trying to kill me!” Pinkie struggles to pull herself free long enough to the point I feel obligated to help.

Releasing her from the hoods grasp I continue, “She put the damn thing on when I wasn’t looking”

Twi and Spike’s reactions are of disbelief, looking to one another as if validation that they’re seeing the same thing. “Joey you’d never let anypony touch your stuff when you first got here. Did Pinkie soften you up with a bribe or something?”

Sighing at Pinkies large toothy grin I nod in agreement, “You could say that...”

Spike can’t hold back a laugh, “Equestria finally got to you, now we can officially call you a pony”

I stick my tongue out, “Are you saying it’s out of character for me to be generous?”

“Never said it was”

A stare down commences between me and the drake, my arms crossed against my chest, brow furrowed. Twilight walks over to Pinkie and admires the look more closely with a smile.

“I think you look cute Pinkie” turning to me she asks, “Where’s my hoodie Joey? I want to wear one of your hoodies! An opportunity of wearing alien clothes is likely one in a lifetime!”

“You never asked, why would I give it to you to wear?”

“Cause I’m your friend and I’ve been incredibly helpful with your transition to Equestria have I not?” Pinkie nods in agreement now beside her.

“What?!? Wait how am I at fault here? I can’t read your mind mare!”

Twi pouts turning away from me, “I expect to borrow one hoodie from you next time you’re over, no exceptions”

Facepalming I shake my head, “Fine but, I still don’t see how this is my fault at all”

Hearing the agreement her attitude immediately shifts back to chipper. Ignoring her quick switch in appearance I sit on the bench with the rest of the group. Now all that’s left is to wait for the others and our train.

“Hey Twilight, did you know Joey’s never been on a train before? Isn’t that crazy?”

Her interest seems perked, giving me a look for explanation, “Did your planet have trains or public transportation?”

“We had trains yeah but like I said, never been on one. They’re kinda outdated honestly compared to a car or airplane”

“I think you told me about what a car is before but what’s an ‘arrow plane’?”

“Air plane, it’s a vehicle that flys in the air. They come in all sorts of sizes but the commercial ones usually carry about 200-400 people. They’re really big so they need engines to propel them into the air”

“That sounds kinda dangerous” Spike notions.

“Not really I mean there’s less deaths involving airplanes than most vehicles to be honest. When an airplane accident does happen though, there’s most likely no survivors”

“That’s terrible! Why do you use such dangerous vehicles to move around?”

“Like I said they usually don’t crash, plus there’s a lot of humans! We need quick ways to travel and have little time to waste. It’s a busy world and it waits for no one”

Pinkie moves into me with a hug, “Every time you talk about your world it seems so sad! Are you happier living here then your planet?”

Patting Pinkies head I give them all a smile, “Earths not that bad! I mean sure there’s... I mean we got technology and uh... diversity” the more I start to think the more I realize how much we lack compared to Equestria. “People back on Earth were generally more shitty I will admit but, we did have individual freedoms where I’m from”

“Don’t you have freedom here in Equestria?”

“I had this conversation with Pinkie before already. I’ll ask you this, is it legal to publicly chastise your princesses for making mistakes?”

“I mean no but who would? Celestia and Luna do a wonderful job!”

“I’m not saying they don’t but, if they were hypothetically like a tyrant, what would keep them in check if the ponies under their rule were silenced?”

“... I guess I could see what your talking about but that’ll never happen”

“Probably not... still nice knowing I can say whatever I want though without worrying”

“If that’s the biggest advantage then I don’t see how Equestria isn’t better” Spike crosses his arms.

“Okay how about the right to bear arms?”

Pinkies tilts her head to the side, “Why would you want a bear’s arms?”

“Joey is this about your fear of bears again?”

“What? No! What I mean is that civilians have the right to own their own weapons in case of an abuse of power from the gove- leadership. Whoever’s in charge”

“Once again I don’t see why that matters, the princesses would never do something like that!”

“I can’t make you understand how my planet works but, take my word when I say it truly matters” I let them understand with a serious stare. “People are cutthroat, greedy, mischievous monsters sometimes so any protections you can get are a blessing”

Twilight scrunches her face at my words, “You seem awfully cynical about your planet”

“And I have a reason to be, trust me”

The pink pony at my side squeezes me to get my attention, “You didn’t answer my question lovey! Are you happier living here with us?”

I can’t hold back a blush glancing quickly to Spike and Twilight for a second to see their reactions. They don’t seem too suspicious but there’s definitely an awkwardness now floating in the air.

“U-Um... I l-like it here more”

“That’s it? Cmon, tell us why you like Equestria!” Spike smirks.

He’s expecting some praise isn’t he? ‘Oh well my friend Spike makes a world of a difference’, yeah right hehe

“W-well I uh...” I’m saved by the bell. During my answer, the rest of the girls show up in a group together.

At the sight of Rarity alone Spike seems to bright up only to have a sudden change in behavior, his face sporting a small frown. I’ll have to ask him what that was about later. Pinkie also rushes over to greet them while Twi bumps my side with a hoof.

“Hey um... why did Pinkie call you lovey? Is that some sort of inside joke or?” She seems genuinely curious with an undertone of worry.

My insides start to churn and I feel nauseous. The nerves start to rattle me before I’ve even opened my mouth. Do I tell her right now? Is it the right thing to do? What if I ruin the trip for her?

“It’s... we uh... “ my throat feels dry.

While internally panicking Twilight seems to have some sort of revelation to herself. “Oh...I get it” for a moment she slips with a frown before smiling back to me. “You two must be happy... I’m glad” through her smile I can still see the pain hidden beneath.

I feel compelled to say something, anything. I’m absolutely sickened. “Twi...”

“No Joey” she stops me, “It’s fine I get it”. She lets out a large sigh before looking back to me, “I’ll be okay, I kinda figured things would end up this way” Her voice is not raspy or sad rather it seems disappointed with the outcome.

“I’m really sorry...”

Smiling she gives out a small chuckle, “Just make sure you make her happy okay? Pinkies my friend too you know”

I can’t will myself to smile back, truly devastated by the way I made Twilight feel. I hesitate to wrap her into a hug feeling truly devastated by the way I made her feel.

“I’m so sorry...”

“Please Joey, let’s just move on... I’d like for things to stay the way they’ve always been. If that’s okay with you?”

Nodding I give her a hug, “Okay, I’d like that too” Pulling away we share a smile while the others start to head our way.

“You two look like your having a moment” Dash remarks.

Placing an emotional mask on I get up and ruffle Dash’s hair, “Sound awfully jealous”

After some time of talking and waiting our train finally arrives at the station with the conductor giving a wave as he passes by. Up to this moment from me and Twi’s conversation I had been rather quiet. On top of the morning sickness I was dealing with, there was now the disappointment in myself for not telling Twilight directly, having her figure things out on her own. The group hops on after having our tickets checked and board onto one of the passenger carts. Me and Pinkie share a booth while the others split into groups and take their own.

It’s much more impressive inside then I’d expected, each booth having a separating curtain that can be pulled for privacy, along with large seats giving plenty of space on either side. Each individual item that makes up the inside of our cart from the carpet flooring to the freshly cleaned curtains appear both modern and well kept. Leaning back into my large seat I admire it’s comfort, you could probably take a nap across one of these if you brought a pillow. Pulling the curtain closed, Pinkie scoots over to my side with a smile but it soon starts to falter when she realizes somethings wrong. I’m in a world of my own lost in thought, discomfort strewn on my face.

“What do you think? Pretty nice in here right? I heard they remodeled the inside but, I haven’t been on a ride in a while!” It’s clear she’s trying to distract me.

“Pretty nice I guess. I don’t really have anything to compare it to so... I mean the space and privacy is nice”

“Oh yeah! Before it was a bunch of seats from front to back and you could see all the ponies riding in your cart! I’ll miss that, you can meet all kinds of ponies when you’re riding the train”

“Your more of a pony person I take it?”

“Pony person? I am a pony so doesn’t that make me a pony person? What’s there beside a pony person? Can I be a griffin person or.. or maybe a hooman person!”

For some reason every time I hear a pony say hooman it draws a smile out of me, whether it be from the cuteness or the absurdity I don’t really care. “Sorry it’s a phrase humans use like people person” she doesn’t seem any less confused. “Like I, myself would identify as not a people person. I don’t like people or being around large crowds. If I had my choice it would be alone or in a small group”

“Oh! I’m a pony person than right? I love ponies! I love all species! Every pony is unique and special in their own way and it’s super fun to figure out what they’re good at before asking them!” Scratching behind her ear I let her continue. “When I used to ride the train or when I meet a new pony sometimes, I’ll try to use clues to figure out their special talent. Like the color of their coat or their cutie mark. And if I’m really stumped learning their name is always a big hint!”

“You admit then that pony names accurately reflecting their special abilities is insane. What’s keeping your parents from naming you something like leaf grow and making you good with agriculture?”

“Don’t be silly Joey, it doesn’t work like that”

Flabbergasted I stop scratching, “What do you mean?!? Every pony I’ve met had a name relating to their special talent!” She puts a hoof to her chin in thought before winking with a smile, her tongue slightly sticking out to the side. “What?!? You can’t just pretend that doesn’t happen!”

Pinkie leans back into me and places her head on my lap, “What was bothering you earlier? You seemed kinda sad” She’s changing the subject but, I don’t think I was getting any more out of her anyway.

“Oh.... Twilight figured out about us dating...”

“You told her?”

“No... she figured it out herself and I feel like shit”

“Did you at least tell her how you felt?” And at that I start to feel even worse.

“Guess you could say I’m a shitty friend”

“Joey don’t say that! You’re a wonderful pony and you made an honest mistake. Just tell her when you get the chance again and everything will be fine”

Looking out the window at the passing landscape it’s tough to feel anything but embarrassment. “I’ve been such a terrible friend to Twilight... I don’t understand how she puts up with me”

Sitting up Pinkie gives me a hug, “If that was true why would she still be your friend? Why would she love you Joey?”

“Ugh, I don’t know! I’m fucking stupid Pinkie! I’m always making problems for myself instead of doing the right thing” I start getting a little riled up, clenching my hair between my fingers aggressively.

“Joey take some deep breaths okay? Everything is okay. Twilight is fine, she’s a grown mare and I’m sure she respects your decision” She begins pulling my arms away from my head slowly. “Now all you need to do is tell her why, it’s only fair she knows how you feel”

Pinkies warm embrace and presence draws me closer, leaning my head on top of hers. Her cotton candy hair suffocates my senses. Within a few minutes I’m able to calm myself down. Our private little section stays still, only the constant noise of our trains movement fills the void. Given some more time, my breathing starts to match that of the pony beside me, our rhythm one in the same.

“Thank you Pinkie... I love you” it’s enough to make me blush saying it aloud.

“Love you too lovey. If there’s anything more I can do to make you feel comfortable just say so”

Using Pinkie as a makeshift pillow, I lean into her while she leans back. We’re a little cuddle idol made up of the two of us.

“I don’t know what I did for you to love me”

Giggling she gives me a peck on the cheek, “Well I could go on and on and on if you really want me to. How about we start with-“

“Rhetorical Pinkie, I’m sure you’ve got your reasons. Honestly I’m tired from waking up early. I think I’m going to take a nap”

She nuzzles in deeper with a light coo, “Sounds like a great idea”

I snap awake, confused at the reality. Had I dowsed off that quickly? A small noise of breathing resonates next to me taking my attention. Pinkie still remains latched at my side holding for warmth’s sake. She’s fast asleep in her own peaceful bliss.

Cute

Peering out the window there’s an apparent change in scenery compared to what I had last seen. Rather than the vast flat fields and farms surrounding Ponyville, a series of mountainous terrain made up the horizon. Taking a second to lean more toward the window at our approaching destination it’s clear that we’re rising in elevation as well. In the distance stands a large mountain, it’s snow tipped peaks remain high etched into the sky, at points breaching the clouds. Squinting for a closer look there’s an even more surprising sight. A vast city built into the mountain side, it’s walls coated with bright colors consisting of whites and tans. Almost like something out of The Lord of the Rings, I feel as if I’m looking at Minas Tirith in its entirety. Completely shocked at what I’m witnessing, it can only be described as magical, a true wonder of this world. How could such a place exist?

My recent movements seem to rise Pinkie from her nap, her grip around me starts to tighten.“Hmm, are we there yet?”

“Almost... at least I think so”

Absorbing what I’ve said, Pinkie uses the knowledge as an excuse to go back to sleep. Our train rolls on without interruption placing me in some sort of fog. I don’t even know if I was in thought, just sitting there while the world around me continues it’s motion. It had to have been at least 10 to 15 minutes until I heard somepony’s voice.

“Hey? Psst, you two okay if I come in?” The voice is slightly lower than normal like a whisper yet not strange enough to confuse identify, it’s Twilight.

“Yeah, Pinkies sleeping though”

Moving the curtain aside, Twilight walks into our little room and sits across on the other seat, careful not to wake Pinkie. Taking a glance to see if she’s indeed asleep, Twi looks to me with seriousness.

“Do you mind if we talk?” She instinctively rubs her foreleg.

“Actually I was planning on doing that once we got there... nows fine though”

“I’m guessing it’s about earlier?”

With a sigh I reply, “Twilight I never really told you how I felt” She seems peaked with interest through her sad composure. “Humans are... shit I don’t know the word but we try to stick with one mate at a time”

“Monogamous?”

“Monogomous”

“No, Monogamous“

“Either way.... I know ponies sometimes do herds and stuff and I thought you might be optimistic about that too”

“Joey you’ve told me about humans being Monogamous before... so I kinda knew when you... you know” she trails off looking away.

“Sorry... I just... maybe I do like you Twilight. Maybe I do think of you as more than a friend but, I wasn’t sure and I’m not sure still” I look down to Pinkie. “I did know for a fact that Pinkie helped me feel... whole. That doesn’t mean that your not important to me or anything! Just that I knew what I was feeling with Pinkie was love... it has to be”

She seems more bothered than before, “That doesn’t sound like you’re very sure” before I can defend myself she continues. “You know... I think I would have preferred if you lied to me” looking up to meet my eyes I can see her pain. “It would make this easier if you said you didn’t love me”

“I do love you Twilight just not in the same way...”

Biting her lip she sits up like she’s about to leave, “Maybe we should talk about this another time”

Grabbing her hoof I stop her, “Wait! Look... even if I was sure, 100% positive that I loved you both the same I couldn’t possibly hold you back with a relationship with me”

Tilting her head she sits back down, “What do you mean? I’m a flippen librarian Joey! What would you be holding me back from?”

“Stop it Twilight... your more than that and we both know it” she settles down and watches the window. “Your Celestia’s pupil are you not? I’m sure she doesn’t pick out pupils to train at random, she probably has bigger plans for you”

“Why couldn’t you be a part of those plans than? You know I would find time for us no matter what!”

“That’s exactly the problem...”

“Joey I wouldn’t disappoint Celestia with whatever she has planned and this is all hypothetic-“

“Please stop... it’s fine to admit I’d keep you from achieving your fullest potential”

“What if I don’t want to achieve anything?! What if I just want you... what’s wrong with that” her voice starts to break.

“Your a highly skilled with magic, an element of harmony, and Celestia’s pupil Twi. Don’t you think it’s a little selfish for you to focus on me?”

“Pinkies an element, why should that make her any different?”

“Because Pinkie isn’t the one who leads the elements and is Celestia’s pupil! Face it Twilight... your special... and we’re not” I place a hand on her shoulder while scooping Pinkie close in order to not drop her. “I think she expects you to help lead one day”

“Well if they was the case I could always lead with you there with me”

My tone shifts to a much more depressing weight, “Twilight alicorns live forever...”

“But I’m not an alicorn and.. and even if Celestia expects me to be I won’t accept it! I won’t! I can’t leave my friends behind while I keep... moving on”

“Twilight” my voice is stern, letting her know the absurdity in what she says.

“I’m sorry... your right. If Celestia does plan for me to be... I should take things more seriously” rubbing her eyes she sits up once more. “So you know...” she moves to the curtain and stops midway through, “I would still want us... even if it didn’t last forever..”

At this she disappears into the curtain leaving a rather distressed me. Did I do the right thing? Maybe I should adapt to these weird norms and be a herd or something. That might be lying to myself though, and would it be fair for Twilight? She deserves more. Somepony’s full attention and love not a split relationship from some normal bloke.

All this talk has left me rather exhausted mentally, I’d like to keep quiet from here on today. With this silence I could use the time to strategize what I’ll say to Luna. Probably something similar to what I’d mentioned to Twilight, that I would be pulling from their duties, leaving them from reaching their fullest potential. It wouldn’t be right for us to be together, a selfish request only harming the ones with responsibilities. How could I ask for such treatment, such exception.

A screech stabs through the air from the front of the train followed by a slight shift in motion. We were slowing down, likely arriving at our destination. Stirring beneath me Pinkie stretches out her limbs with a yawn. Blinking she looks up at me with a smile that reaches ear to ear.

“Morning Joey”

“Pinkie it’s like noon or something now”

“But it’s MY morning! I just woke up!”

I don’t play with her game, scratching her head instead of arguing. Leaning into my hand she coos with delight.

“Hey we’re here you two let’s get a move on” Dash’s voice speaks from past the curtain.

“Cmon let’s get up Pink” Thankfully Pinkie hops up without protest.

Gathering our bags we push past the curtain into the middle walkway of the cart. There’s a few unknowns and the girls all making a line toward the exit. Twilight lead up front leaving the cart. Moving forward we make our way off the train and into a group just outside.

“Oh how lovely a sight! Why I could only wish to keep residence in such a fine city” Rarity gushes.

“Eh, personally I’d prefer the country, whole lot less of them nose liftin folk if ya catch my drift”

Dash nods in agreement, “Yeah! They probably don’t even know how to live without their maids”

“Alright girls we should probably head to the castle and get our rooms first so we can drop off our stuff” Twi the voice of reason brings us all back.

“That’s a smart idea! No surprise coming from the smartest pony I know!” Pinkie hops over giving a completely unnecessary hug.

“Thanks... I guess heh” They separate leaving a flustered Twi. “Follow me, I know the way there”

Internally I think of saying ‘really? Is it the way leading to that large ass castle?’ but I’m much to tired to be an ass right now. Instead I pick up me and Pinkies bag and start following the group.

Twilight gives a tour while we walk which is partially given by Rarity as well, she appears to frequent here second most behind Twilight. At some point I start to zone out, taking in the area around me. Unlike how I expected, up close the streets were much more separated than I imagined. The original sight from the train made it feel like the city would be cramped along the mountainside, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. On both sides of the road lay shops, townhouses, and government properties. Each following a similar pattern of bright whites and tan colors, a very simplistic pallet. I’m not going to complain though, it gives off a very regal and rich vibe.

Speaking of rich did I mention the ponies here were progressively more dressed the further we walked? With each step toward the castle, the pathway before us spun around the mountain, taking us higher and higher to the eventual destination. At first near the station, most ponies around were tourists looking just as out of place as us but, as we’ve made our way the use of collared shirts and suit vests seemed to increase exponentially. This isn’t the only thing increasing though, the attention I’m getting is worse than in Ponyville. Whispers bounce off the walls around us while we walk, eyes watching my every movement. It’s unsettling and given my issue with attention I can feel myself starting to panic. Taking notice a hoof pulls at my hand, it’s Pinkie pulling me to the back of our group for some privacy.

“Canterlots super nice isn’t it? I like the the way it wraps around, isn’t that super cool!”

“Yeah I guess. It’s kind of like something out of a fiction book”

“But it’s real silly! Your walking in it right now!”

“I really am aren’t I?” Glancing ahead, the castle entrance starts to come into sight.

Luna’s likely in there somewhere... along with that library

“We should go to all the sights first! Then go shopping for antiques and stuff or maybe a funny shirt or we could go out to eat or-“

“Let’s cross that river when we get to it Pinkie” I pull at our bags to keep them from slipping. “We haven’t even been in our rooms yet”

“Okie dokie lokie!”

“Okie dokie...”

Pinkies distraction pulled me away long enough for us to reach the front gate, a handful of stallion guards held the door. Upon closer look their armor was golden with Celestia’s cutie mark painted into the chest plate. Another weird distinction was the fact they were all white, every single one. Twilight spoke with the guards while I leaned over and whispered to Rarity.

“Yo what’s with the matching coats? Are they all clones or something?”

Giggling she waves a dismissive hoof, “No silly, they’re simply enchanted to look that way. The armor changes their appearance to look the same dearie. If you really wished to know more I’d suggest you ask Twilight’s brother”

“He’s like a guard right?”

Shocked she puts a hoof to her cheek, “You must be joking darling? He isn’t any regular guard”

Dash interrupts, “He’s the captain of the royal guard dude” Lifting my eyebrows in surprise I lean back up into my normal position.

Holy shit, talk about overachievers. Twilight and her family must be fucking gifted

Listening back in I catch the end of Twilights conversation with the guard.

“- course, how could I keep the captain’s sister from coming in. He’d have my head!” He chuckles jokingly with his fellow guard.

“I’ll make sure to say how wonderful the guards have treated us, specially Iron Grove”

Iron Grove? Must be his name or something... I’ll never remember it anyway so why am I wasting my time thinking about this?

Falling behind in thought I have to jog to catch back up with an impatient Pinkie. “Cmon Joey! Now isn’t the time for day dreaming! We’re gonna miss out on all the fun stuff to do during the day!”

Now caught up the group heads up a flight of marble stairs leading to a pair of large wooden doors. Engravings of the two pony rulers on either side circle each other like yin and yang, encompassing the entirety of its surface. Upon closer inspection the detail work is phenomenal, including even individual hairs along their coats. This isn’t all though. Before reaching the wooden doors and after making the journey up the marble steps, there stands a courtyard with fountain and floral decorated scenery. A mesmerizing view that would make even Canterlot’s most snobby noble gawk on sight.

In my impressed state, I fail to notice the two guards standing on either side with spears at bay. At our approach they motion to the doors center and open them outward into the sun baked front courtyard. Their large size cause a gentle breeze to wash over us, almost like the castles interior was air conditioned. Not wanting to waste my time questioning how this is possible knowing that most questions here would be answered with ‘it’s magic’, I follow Twilight and the others into the main room.

Looking up in amazement the ceiling seems to stretch on for eternity. It’s a massive room with the main light provided coming from stain glass windows depicting artwork of pony history. A red carpet is center cut in the form of a cross leading in 4 directions from where we stand. Toward our front stand another pair of large wooden doors protected by 4 spear holding Royal guard. To the left, a long hallway stretching down about 70-80 yards to a right turn and to the right would be a wider section leading to multiple doors. Coming from them and working around them appear to be castle staff meaning that direction would likely be not important to a character such as I. Sure enough, Twilight takes us over to the left hallway ignoring the large doors just beyond.

“Hey Twi! What’s past those doors?” I say pointing in their direction.

Stoping for a second before turning back, she shouts loud enough for me to hear from the back. “That’s the throne room used for day and night court. Celestia is probably in there right now working so we should probably wait til later to see her”

“Isn’t greeting guests kind of her job if it’s a court?”

“No.. well not always but, in this case I would think it’s inappropriate to interrupt. Think of it as a diplomatic time with nearby nations or Canterlot’s own civilians explaining their grievances”

“Oh so if we were like... a neighboring nations ruler or some shit then we’d be greeted?”

“Well to be honest, she’d probably accept us coming in there right now but, I feel like it would be rude”

Content with her answers I remain quiet for the rest of our walk, taking in the many sights of Equestrian royalty. Throughout the trip there is a surprising lack of nobles or really any pony of any kind beside guards and staff. I think it would be reasonable to assume the only ones living her would be staff, guards, and the monarchs. Another strange thing is that the ponies within the castle provided much less looks in my direction when compared to most places I’ve been. Perhaps due to the regularity of differing species meeting within the castle or from proper training in etiquette, either way it’s much more accepting than the Canterlot streets.

Through several hallways, spiral stairs, doors, and even more hallways we finally reach the section of guest lodging in the castle. Approaching the several doors Twilight meets with a mare dressed in maids clothing aside the first room.

Taking a proper bow she greets us with a smile, “Welcome to the castle’s guest lodging. I’m Soft Duster and I am one of the head maids of this section. If you have any issues with your rooms or any special dietary restrictions please let us know beforehand and we’ll have that taken care of” taking a few steps back to reveal the door beside her she continues. “Each room has their own room number along with a key. If you’d like to pick out your rooms now we can get your room keys all sorted out”

Twilight takes lead and picks out her own room with Spike and most of the girls follow suit. Together me and Pinkie move a few doors down next to Dash and AJ’s room and wait together for the maid to hand us our keys. Taking notice of me and Pinkies sharing of a room Dash looks to me with confusion.

“You two live together dude, don’t you want like separate rooms or something? I’m sure even you two can get sick of each other”

Sweating I’m unsure what to say. Do I announce our relationship in front of everyone right now? We planned on taking it one pony at a time at first but, maybe it would be better just to get it off our chests.

“They’re really good friends Dash, I’m sure you can relate with Aj” Twilight saves the day.

“I mean I guess. I just thought he was of those loner ponies that hates being around others all the time”

“Dash! That’s not nice!”

I wave Twi off, “Nah she’s right usual-“

“Joey can’t sleep without me cause he hugs me allllll night!”

Blushing brightly I flick Pinkie on the head. Dash and some of the others began laughing, even the maid can’t suppress a giggle.

“Oh that’s very cute” she hands us both a key and moves to Fluttershy and Rarity next.

Not wanting to be seen anymore thanks to Pinkie I quickly turn around and open the door to our room. Stepping inside I’m surprised at the scale of the room. The far wall carried a massive bed with a elegantly carved wooden bed frame, one that even has its own nightstand built in. To it’s left was a door that led to the bathroom. If one were to move forward from the entrance, they would walk into an outdoor patio separated by sliding glass doors. I place down our bags and walk onto the patio to look at the view, we had been much higher up than I remembered outside of the castle. We had to have been at least 4 floors up from the courtyard below. It’s vast size carried several varying hedge sculptures as well as a large fountain in the middle surrounded by lawn. To be fair most of the courtyard was lawn, making it more of a garden then a courtyard.

“Holy cow! You should see this tub, It’s massive! You could have a whole pool party in here!” Pinkie shouts from across the room.

Joining her in the bathroom it’s clear the hyperbole she spouted was nothing but that, a hyperbole. Being fair, to deny its large size would be dismissive. It had to have been more closely related to a hot tub then a bath.

“Yeah that’s pretty big”

“Big enough to share?” She gives a wink.

“Big enough to drown you perv”

“But we’re dating now! We should do things like bath together... I mean we already have once”

“That was an exception! Plus... it’s kind of embarrassing for me ya know? Can we do this slow? I know it sounds selfish but, I’m new to this whole dating ponies thing so I’m asking for some time to adjust”

“Yeah that’s fine, I understand” she seems a little bummed.

“But, that’s doesn’t mean... we’d never do it again” I can’t suppress my embarrassment after what I said, covering my mouth with my hand.

Pinkie slowly seems to realize what I said and leaps into me with a hug, tackling me to the ground with kisses.

“*smooch* That’s awesome! I can’t wait I mean it’ll be so much fun just like last time but I bet the second time you’ll be like ‘I’m totally cool now’ and I’ll be like ‘let’s cuddle this time’ and then we’ll get all snuggly together and it’ll be slippery!”

She makes me smile at her silliness, she can be even more Pinkie Pie than she normally is sometimes. Together we lay there for a minute or two staring into each other’s eyes with the occasional boop onto the others nose. A sudden knock at the door causes Pinkie to jolt off me, her hair frizzles in surprise.

“Would you two mind coming out here for a moment, we would like to discuss potential plans on attending a play”

Brushing my hair with a hand while Pinkie poofs her own back to normal, I open the door to see Rarity holding a small paper.

“Activities for today include a play called, ‘Taming of the Shrew’. Fluttershy and I thought that you two might fancy the idea of attending. What do you say?”

Scrunching my brow at the name it’s recognizable immediately, that’s Shakespeare! What would a Shakespeare play be like in Equestria and what would Shakespeare’s pony name be? Play Write? PonySpeare?

“Why would you look at this, directed by none other than Shakespeare! Why isn’t this a wonderful opportunity, we shouldn’t waste the chance” Rarity practically lights up at her own recognition.

“Isn’t Shakespeare kind of a weird name for a pony?”

“Oh that’s just his author name Joe, he has a normal pony name of course”

“.... and that is?”

“Why we shouldn’t dabble over such topics, we could possibly be late for the play!”

“But I- “

“Cmon Joey let’s go, you heard Rarity!”

“But... but” I look back to see the others forming their own group, Spike waving me off with a smile.

Reaching out in an attempt to get away I’m pulled back into the lame group and forced to head towards the play. It takes us a while to figure out where we’re going given that we don’t have Twilight however, given Rarity’s own experience we have the second best guide. Eventually she finds the way and leads us into a large gallery room. Just beyond some doors at the far end would be the seating arrangements along with the stage. For some reason I’m caught off guard at the amount of ponies waiting around to be let in, I thought we might be the only guests.

“Guess I thought we were special”

“The castle always carries events like this during the weekend for nobles and guests. You should consider yourself lucky to be charmed by one such as Shakespeare”

“Yeah yeah, we had a Shakespeare where I’m from. Real boring guy, always wrote his script in like cryptic dialogue. I could never understand it”

“Why you must have had a lesser Shakespeare than Equestria’s. He is the utmost respected director and play write in Canterlot. He even preforms private shows for the princesses... or so I’ve heard”

I glance back to Pinkie and Flutters, “Alright be honest you two, do either of you really want to watch a play?” They answer at the same time.

“I like plays! I sometimes direct them in Ponyville too but, I like to star in them as well unlike this one... do you think they’ll let me play a role if I ask?”

“I wouldn’t mind watching... if that’s okay with you”

“Fudge this stinks. How’d I get stuck with the lame squad” A nearby snobby noble gives me a look of shame. “What I’ll say it, this shits lame!” He moves away quickly, a few others seem to whisper about me with their friends.

“Um would you mind not making a scene dearie? Especially before we’ve even been seated?”

I adjust my collared shirt and clear my throat, “Apologies”

Sure enough the rest of the event went smoothly... besides a moment where Pinkie attempted to leave her seat to join the play. I had to pull her back into her seat and explain why that might be a bad idea. Strangely enough though, the play was very similar to the version I remember back on Earth, the only difference being the character names. The whole alternate reality thing truly is mind boggling to me still.

Once the play was over we headed out into the city to find a spot to eat. Settling with a fairly causal restaurant we enjoyed our meals without the judgement of any higher class.

“So your telling me that because your one of the elements, your like a certified noble?”

“Not exactly dear rather, we’re considered one level of nobility below the princesses”

“That’s pretty dope if you ask me. What’s the most you’ve abused your power?”

“Why I would never stoop to such an action... well now that I think about it. There was a time where I really wanted tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala...”

“What about you Pinkie?”

“Nope! Never used it!”

“Shy?” She shakes her head no. “Wow, y’all are definitely not human that’s for sure”

“Well what would you do if you had our status?”

“.... probably nothing now that I think about it but, that’s because I like to stay inside!”

“Rather humble for your age”

“Aren’t you only like 3 or 4 years older than me?”

“You should never ask a mare her age Joey, you should know this”

“Ugh” I sigh in defeat, moving my attention back to my meal.

“What do you girls want to do next? We could go shopping or-“

“That’s a splendid idea Pinkie, let’s check out what’s new in Canterlot! I always love to stay ahead of the trends”

I wonder what the other group is up to

Transferring over to group two, Twilight has suckered them into her own nerdy plans of visiting the castles library before heading to the Canterlot museum. It wasn’t long until Dash and Aj felt bored and moved off into their own group leaving Spike and Twilight by themselves.

Taking us later into the day, our group finally finished the shopping extravaganza and met back up with the others in the castle. We shared our stories in Twilights room and has some laughs but, it was at this time I felt like it might be appropriate to just come out and say it.

Twiddling the bottle in my hands I clear my throat, “*ahem* Um... there’s actually something me and Pinkie have been meaning to tell you all”Glancing to Pinkie I can see she’s surprised yet supportive in my action. “We kinda... we’re a thing now” my words come out awkward, my hand brushing my neck, face red hot.

“Duh dweeb! Who didn’t figure that out already!”

“Wait you all knew?”

Twilight was the first to respond with a giggle, “I mean you didn’t do a very good job hiding it. I mean what you did to my guest room bed sheets? Completely uncalled for”

I feel like crawling into a hole and disappearing, the laughs coming my way incredibly embarrassing. “We didn’t do anything!”

“Yuh huh. Sure Joey, what ever ya say”

“Pinkie? Help me out here”

She looks away blushing, “I mean, we didn’t do that much...”

Oh thank god

“... Just some lovey dovey stuff”

Please kill me now

“Okay girls let’s go easy on them. We should be proud of Joey coming out and telling us. He’s really gone a long way in getting better”

Covering my face with my hands with elbows pressed into my knees I feel a couple hooves patting me on the back.

“Nice dude! Now don’t do anything stupid that’ll make Pinkie sad or I’ll kick your flank!”

Even Flutters spoke up, “I’m so happy for you two! I always thought you might make a nice couple”

Pinkie laughs at my side, leaning into me as she talks. “What can I say, opposites attract!”

The girls continue their laughs while I slowly sulked away. Just when I reach the door I’m pulled back by Dash, her hoof rubbing my head.

“Look at big guy here thinking he’s getting off the hook that easy!”

“Please I’m only a man! There’s only so much I can deal with”

Laughing she pulls me back to the group. Smiling brightly Rarity is the first to ask a question, “Now who was the first to pop the question?”

“I mean I technically told Joey I loved him first but, he was like all scared and stuff but-“

“What she’s trying to say is that she asked me first and I needed to think about it”

A devilish smirk grew on Rarity’s face, “Then you two were already dating when you played around in Twilights guest room?”

“Please Rarity I’d rather not think about it” Spike nodded in agreement.

“Well that’s when Joey told me he loves me! And I was soooooo happy that I couldn’t help myself so we kinda got carried away...” it’s not until she reaches the end of her sentence that she begins to get embarrassed.

The girls all stare my way, some looking for explanation... others with amusement. “We didn’t have sex alright! No... bad stuff, just... please don’t make me say it”

“Pinkie and Joey sitting in a tree-“ Before Dash can continue I pinch her cheeks together.

“Well that’s reassuring I guess... doesn’t explain the smell though” Twi looks off with frustration while Spike shakes his head attempting to forget the discovery.

I start to get uncomfortable, pushing back in defense, “This is all way to personal alright? How would you like it if I asked you how your date with Spike went?”

The girls turn around now giving Rarity the attention. Slightly stunned she composes herself quickly, “Why that wouldn’t be much of a bother to explain at all” Looking to Spike I can tell it didn’t go well. “We had a lovey meal and then went and watched a movie”

“Wait, you guys have movies?”

“Where ya been livin Joey? Under a rock?”

“How come none of you ever talk about watching movies then? How come we had to watch that play!?!”

“There isn’t that many movies to watch Joey. Filming plays is a rather new invention”

“So it’s just... filmed plays?”

“There are a few other options but, a majority of them are indeed recordings of plays”

“That’s a bummer, I loved movies back home”

Pinkie rubbed up against me with smile, her face practically one inch away. “Let’s watch some when we get back home! I know a few places that have projectors and I know Twilight can get some films in stock”

“Pinkie I own a library not a-“ Pinkies sad face stops Twilight from continuing. “-... I guess it wouldn’t hurt to expand the library’s collection”

“Yaaaa! It’ll be so much fun! We can have movies nights too! Doesn’t that sound fun?” The rest of the girls cheer at the idea as well.

The night goes on and the questions continue, thankfully less and less about me and Pinkies relationship and more about other shit. If it was up to me I’d like the conversation to avoid being the center of attention at all times. Some time later the gang seems to get tired, heading back to their rooms for the night. I however, find myself in an interesting conversation with my one dragon friend.

“Date didn’t go well did it?” I wince.

“No... no it didn’t” playing with his claws he takes moment to think about his next words. “She... explained that I should probably wait before I get into dating. That I’m a little young to be worrying about this stuff”

Sighing a pat him on the back, “Life’s tough sometimes man. I suggest you either set your sights elsewhere or you take her advice”

He looks to me for an answer, “Do you think I’m too young? That I’m being stupid?”

“What? Hell no! Your perfectly old enough to make this decision on your own. I mean do whatever you feel is right” I poke him on the chest. “Follow your little dragon heart”

“What if my hearts wrong?”

“Your hearts never wrong dude, it’s what you decide to do about it that can be wrong”

“I don’t know... maybe Rarity’s right”

Putting down my drink I face him towards me, “Hey, stop that shit. You followed your heart, built up the confidence, and admitted your feelings. If she couldn’t replicate them back then find somepony that will. Clearly she doesn’t realize what she’s missing”

He smiles a little, “I mean I’m missing out a lot more than she’s missing out. I’m just a small dragon... an assistant at a library. I can’t even protect her even if I wanted”

“But you could love her. You could treat her the way you feel she deserves. You could help carry her burdens, help her feel loved, help her with loneliness. There’s a bunch you could do”

“Is that enough?”

“If that’s not enough for a pony then I say fuck em” Taken aback Spike stumbles. “I’m not saying screw Rarity or anything but, if she was deserving of you then she’d except your love back”

“... do you feel like you don’t deserve Twilight” I feel a stab in my chest, my stomach churning.

“Please don’t talk about that” I respond quickly, a little anger behind my voice.

“Sorry... so what do you think I should do?”

“Hmm. Maybe try and woo Shy, I saw the way you looked when she gave you that little kiss at the Christmas party”

“Christmas party? And it wasn’t a big deal, I was just surprised is all...”

“Hearths Warming” I correct. “Why not Shy? She’s super nice and I bet she’d love all your little exotic features” he blushes, actually giving it thought. I lean in and whisper, “I bet she’d love to examine what you got”

He jumps back with a yelp, “AHHHH” placing one hand to his chest he looks away. “I think I need some time to think... thanks for taking with me. I really appreciate it”

“Anything for a brother” I hold out a fist which he meets with a bump. “Night Spike”

“Night”

After closing the door I sink into my shoulders in exhaustion. I walk back into me and Pinkies room and see her already passed out on the bed.

Why did he have to say that about Twilight? Calling me out like the garbage I am

Stuck with nothing but my sunken pride, I reach into my bag for the magical parchment. I brought it along so that I could plan a meeting with Luna given the fact she won’t meet with me in the dream scape. Crafting up a letter addressed to her I put,

‘Dear Luna,

Currently me and the elements are in Canterlot and staying in the castle. I’m sure your already aware but, I was wondering if we could meet up sometime and shoot the shit like we used to. I don’t like things being all awkward so if it’s okay with you I’d like it if you could give me a date and time

Love Joey’

Closing the parchment I lay back down satisfied with my letter, closing my eyes for a nap.

*POOF*

A letter appears from thin air, leaving behind a thin purple mist. Catching the paper I unravel it to read one line.

‘Find me in the garden at midnight tonight’

16 A Tall White Fountain Played

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Walking, it’s what I do now, all I know. No that’s me being silly yet this hallway doesn’t seem like it wants to end. Peering down its vast length the far side is indistinguishable from the walls around it. Maybe it goes on forever? Nope just being dramatic, the stairwell I’m looking for passes by my right causing me to stop. Taking the spiral staircase down, I go until I reach the castle garden level, the supposed meeting place of me and Luna get together.

I’d left the room after receiving the letter without making a sound, leaving the slumbering party pony in her dreams. Picking a random direction I realized quickly I had no idea where to go but, I had til midnight to find the way so here we are. It must have been twenty or so minutes before I found this staircase and now the journey begins to find a way into the garden. Looking both ways down the hall it’s devoid of any life, no helpful maids or guards around to show me the way.

“Shit”

Left with no choice I keep walking back toward the direction I had previously came from if I were to be back on the guest floor. As I continued I would steal glances outside the many windows lining the wall to my right. Making sure that I never passed beyond the garden it could be only soon that I found the entrance. Generally making assumptions like this is one of my many downfalls however, I’m feeling lucky tonight and that feeling pays off. Reaching a large pair of glass doors, they appear to me relatable to a greenhouse entrance. I walk inside the garden.

Looking around it would be ridiculous to not notice the lack of snow or cold within the area. Plants of various sizes including the sculpted shrubbery had been lively, their appearance either altered through magic or illusion. Given the season these bad boys should be dead.

“Thou is rather early, did we not write the time?”

Spinning around I’m both shocked and relieved at Luna’s showing. “I was worried you might not show up”

Her appearance is that of her normal regal look, similar to Celestial she stands much taller in height than the average pony. Her coat a dark navy blue, complimented by her flowing mane engulfed in twinkling starlight. I enjoy every one of Luna’s appearances however, I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a favorite. Her normal pony form is a much cuter look and usually she acts with a more playful tone when using it. Likely to avoid any pony from seeing her in her outside of her normal form, she stands here with elegant confidence.

Giggling, she walks beside me gesturing to follow, “That would be imprudent of me would it not?”

“Given the fact everywhere I go bad things happen, I’d say it’s a calculated risk”

“Perhaps ‘bad things’ do happen often with you Joey. It would be dismissive to suggest it’s dangerous to others though. To me it might seem the only pony in harms way would be thou’s”

“Guess you got me there…” with a deep exhale it makes itself visible in the winter air. “Before things get all awkward, how is this garden alive? Like I can see my breath but, it doesn’t feel cold at all”

“You have my sister to thank for that. She’s spent many moons developing a spell that could cover this garden with protection from the elements. Maybe you might think it was a waste of time but, we would like to think of it as a wonder”

“Hm… yea I should’ve figured the answer would be magic”

“Well what did you expect us to say?”

“I don’t know, that it’s powered with friendship or something. You ponies seem to love all types of cheesy shit like that”

“Why there is no cheese of any sort involved, what are you referring to?”

“Doesn’t matter Lulu, what does matter is us talking again” we pause admiring the fountain in front of us. “I really miss our late night talks and honestly… I need your help sometimes”

Luna appears surprised, “Did we hear thou incorrectly? Did you say help?”

I puff my cheeks, “I’m trying to be sentimental here”

“Sorry” she giggles, “continue”.

“As I was saying… your my friend Lu and I like hanging out with friends. Even if they don’t know how to speak properly”

“Touché, it would seem we both seek to better ourselves”

“Yeah I’m definitely trying…”

“So would thou like to discuss our last departure?” She shares a light blush, barely visible against her coat.

“Luna I can’t court you”

“Awfully quick to answer. Could one care to explain their decision?”

“I kinda figured that you might like me like me once you tried to… you know. So I gave it some thinking and decided it’s for the best we don’t continue this relationship beyond friends”

Frowning she sits beside me, “Thou still has yet to give an explanation onto why this is the correct answer”

“Because… because your a ruler of Equestria and I’m just a dude”

“Surely your reasoning can’t be just that”

“Lulu I’m a distraction! I would be taking away from your job, a very important job that involves ruling over the fuckin planet! I’m not that important” I chuckle at the thought of my existence, it’s impact purely microscopic to the spectrum.

She dismissively waves me off, “Pish posh, that is ridiculous. We would never let something as little as courting a stallion effect our performance. Has thou forgotten my experience?”

“You’d have to make me a noble right?”

“… yes but-“

“And if I’m a noble that’s courting a princess then ponies expect to see me right?”

“I don’t see where this is going”

“Most ponies dislike me Luna and the few that don’t know anything about me are in danger of my weird magic bullshit. I’m a walking bottle of uranium waiting to harm anypony that gets to close! I mean how long until word gets out about my issue? They’ll want me dead”

“They would never suggest such a thing! Especially against our own lover unless they would wish for our wrath upon them!” Her eyes darken with intensity, her mane moving more passionately then before.

Her power is somewhat frightening yet I keep my composure, “See what I mean? You can’t use your power to deny the ponies of their fears! Even if it’s for my comfort”

“Purely hypothetical! Tis ridiculous to assume the repercussions of our relationship. We would never let thou’s secret out and I would never let harm come to you!”

“How’s it ridiculous? It takes one pony asking questions until everything is unraveled. ‘What’s with the collar?’ Oh I’m just… kinky. Like what would I even answer? I don’t want to live in secrecy with all eyes on me daily”

“We would make sure you needn’t worry about such trivial issues. Trust me, I wouldn’t lie to thou”

Maybe it was foolish to try and convince Luna… should I just lie?

“I don’t like the way this sounds Lulu. It sounds like a bunch of work for a ruler of Equestria to put up with”

“But we want to! We… I want this” her eyes seem to glisten, breaking down the entirety of my plan.

“I can’t… I...” struggling to finish my sentence I start to feel short of breath.

The world around me feels like it’s closing in, I have to sit down just to stop myself from panicking. Closing my eyes I start to pull at my hair in frustration. It’s all too much, I’d planned for things to be okay! What if I hurt Luna too much? I was her first close friend since her return and she’d been able to relate with me on some of her issues. I’ve been a stress reliever for her otherwise hectic life, some sort of normalcy and here I was seemingly trying to end that.

“Joey please! We are sorry! Things will be okay I promise!” She hugs me with her hooves worryingly. “We may stay friends if that’s what you wish, it is no big deal”

Reality seems to come back, things settling into a calm night once more. I can’t help myself from leaning into Luna, her warmth both inviting and soothing for a broken soul such as I.

“I’m sorry” I croak out.

“Tis fine, we shouldn’t have pushed thou”

“No I should be better then this”

“Every pony needs different lengths of time to deal with trauma Joey, it is perfectly fine for you to worry”

“Maybe I’m being too stubborn with pony customs, it’s just that a herd seems impossible to work”

She leans in close, speaking lightly above a whisper. “A herd? Does thou have another admirer?”

Glancing away I blush, “I’m courting Pinkie, the element of laughter”

“Is that so? Why that would be the rambunctious pink pony with the puffy mane?”

“Never met her before?”

“Few times. You see being a princess known for her tyrant behavior I don’t seem to make many friends outside of thou… yet you are a strange case”

“Heh, you could say that again”

“So the element of laughter would be the pony you court? Is she not expected to carry responsibilities beyond thou’s self proclaimed worth? Why that would mean by courting her you’ve deemed her duties as of less importance than yourself. What is it that makes thou’s relationship different?”

“Luna you can’t pretend th-“

“That her duties are less than a princesses?” She wraps a wing around me and stares up into her night sky. “I believe in your attempt to be selfless, thou has become the very thing they seemed to avoid. Tis selfish to assign responsibility unto others of your own accord. Do you understand what we are saying?”

I have a mini revelation, her words ringing around the inside of my skull. I decided based on my own thoughts, dictated what was more important based on my knowledge, and assumed what was the correct decision without knowing anypony’s own capabilities or responsibility. I can’t just assume what’s right based on what I know! I even argued with Twilight to convince her she can’t do something she might already know she can! I was deciding for both sides, not for what they thought was best for them but, for what I thought was best. Incredibly selfish, ignorant, foolish, and flat out stubborn.

“I’m… wow I’m a fucking idiot” I slap my forehead loudly in disbelief. “Here I thought I was getting better”

Giggling she pulls me closer while resting her muzzle on top of my head, “Thou is truly making an effort, it’s more than most can attest to”

“Yeah, that and a dollar fifty and you can buy a soda”

“Hmm?”

“Oh yeah…. Pony money. Let me say it again, that and a few bits can buy you a drink”

“A rather humorous way to say effort is meaningless”

“It’s not meaningless. Just…
Meaningless in this particular situation”

“But we disagree” She pulls away giving me a smile. I stare on confused. “Even if you have wronged others, it is admirable to say it was intended for their benefit especially at thou’s displeasure”

“So I did something pointless at my expense, for others, that was in fact at the expense of everyone. Geez, makes me sound like a real ‘admirable’ guy”

“Ha! Now imagine you’ve been banished to the moon for your crimes! Then we could see eye to eye”

“Okay not the same!”

“Perhaps..” she turns away trying to hide a sly grin.

I try and hold my fake anger but, it doesn’t last long until we both break. Chuckling I stand up offering my hand to help her as well.

“You know you really do remind me of myself sometimes and that’s not a good thing”

Laughing herself, Luna takes my hand and stands up with me. “We find it pleasing to know another plagued with the same issues”

“Fitting in?”

“Loving thyself”

I frown and cross my arms, “I love myself!”

She shakes her head, “Yes and the night sky is brightened by the sun”

“Technically the only reason you can see the moon is because of the sun so…”

“That is completely untrue! We have personally controlled each night down to each star Mr. Marshall! Everything that touches our night sky has been perfectly crafted to our liking!”

“Tsk tsk, never taken a class in astronomy I see. You have much to learn”

“And you have yet to answer the question, do you wish to court us or not? And thou’s original excuse has been proven useless in defense!”

And just like that we’re back to square one. Do I say yes now or do I follow the same decision I came to with Twilight? Given the conversation, Luna and Twilight defiantly deserve a chance however, it would still feel awkward and forced to form a herd as early as now. I might have cleared up any doubts with courting the girls but, the issue of comfort still festers.

“I can’t Luna, it wouldn’t feel fair to you and honestly… I’m not sure if I want to be more than friends. We haven’t really spent a ton of time together. Maybe in the future… we could try something but right now it feels a little sudden”

Taking a quick peak her way I expect a different reaction than a smile. “This is fine with us. In due time when thou feels comfortable enough to… court us, we would appreciate a warning of such change” she fails to hide a blush.

“Thank you… for understanding” I give her a hug. “Trust me it isn’t for a lack of willingness. I just feel like I need some reassurance before I make a decision like that”

Walking away she turns back to me, “Yes, this is perfectly fine but, remember who it is you truly love the most” she gives a wink and blows me a kiss. “Enjoy thine night Joey, we will accompany you once more in the dream realm”

She fades away after stepping into the shadow of a hedge leaving nothing but a thin black mist in her disappearance. With her disappearance the garden seems to lose its welcoming feel, a still yard without sound. I place a hand to my head brushing back my hair stressfully.

What a saint, I really don’t understand what I did to deserve friends like that

Given the opportunity I take a moment to enjoy the night sky, a rare sight I’m unfamiliar with compared to Earth. There’s no smog or cloud coverage to block the celestial beauty before me. All of this only confirms my statement that the night is clearly the superior time of day. I stop my stargazing and begin the journey back to my room, thankfully remembering the way back.

It doesn’t take nearly as long to get back as it did to reach the garden and once I’ve made it back completely I shut the door to the room behind me. Leaning backwards into its wooden frame, I slide down into a fetal position left in thought. Had I done the right thing with Twilight? It sure doesn’t feel that way now. Pulling me away from my worries, a few clops of pony footsteps approach my position. I don’t move allowing Pinkie to find me exactly the way I’ve settled. She rubs an eye with a yawn.

“Joey? What’s going on, you okay?”

Not feeling like worrying Pinkie, I sit up and scoop her into my arms in a cradle hold. “I needed a walk”

I carry her back over to the bed and place her under the covers, changing into my pajamas before joining her.

“Mhm… can’t sleep?” She must think I had gotten up from sleeping, unknowing to the fact I never went to bed.

“Yeah, tried making myself tired looking at some boring noble art”

“okay… just make sure to… give me tons of cuddles” she’s barely awake, desperately snuggling into me.

Her hooves wrap around me in a tight grip. I won’t be getting free anytime soon and that’s okay with me… until it isn’t. Maybe 20 minutes go by before I feel hot, the thick covers on our bed are much too good at keeping in heat. I feel sticky, needing some separation from this little pink oven attached to me. I give her a light shake.

“Pinkie, can you give me some space? I’m really hot”

She mumbles back, “mhm, yeah you are”

“Pinkie!” I whisper loudly. “Please, I’m all sweaty!”

“I don’t… mind”

“Yeah but I do! C’mon you little leach” her grip doesn’t weaken in the slightest along with my discomfort.

Feeling like things are drastic I’m willing to do something rash. Using my free arm I’m able to pull my shirt off along with my pajama pants. It’s the most I’ve ever been exposed to Pinkie outside of the whole bath moment. Immediately I start to feel much better yet the heat remained strong, I had only dampened the struggle. Adding to my misfortune, Pinkie suddenly gets even closer with her head laying against my now bare chest. Sure we’ve had physical moments that involved getting touchy but, this felt different… vulnerable. A level of discomfort that resurfaced specific trauma.

“Uh.. P-pinkie? Can you please… give me s-some room?” I gulp trying to fix my drying throat.

She opens an eye noticing the distinct lack of clothing against herself. Slowly looking down she blushes up.

“Are you… naked?”

“W-what!?! No! I’m hot as shit right now and your burning me up”

She lets go giving me a my much needed space to cool down. I take the opportunity to pull back the covers revealing my bare skin, everything visible beside what lay beneath my briefs. Fanning myself off with the bedsheet Pinkie fails to look away absorbing the view into her dirty little brain.

“Do you mind?”

“No not at all. Actually it would be nice if you could take those off as well”

“Hardy har har”

At this point I don’t even care anymore. I’m tired, stressed out, and sweaty. Letting Pinkie gawk over me is the least of my problems.

“Can we cuddle?” I give her a death glare. “You just look sooooo smooth! I need to see how much better it would feel instead of the normal way we cuddle”

“I’m sweating to death over here, the last thing I want to do is cuddle”

“Pleeeease?”

“No”

“Pretty pleeeeeeease?”

I shake my head.

“Pinkie pleeeeease with a cherry on top?”

“Do you want to sleep in the tub?”

She frowns while flipping over facing away from me. Continuing my fanning, Pinkie turns back to me with a mischievous smirk. Slowly she approaches with a half lidded look.

“What if we… got a little frisky?”

My already flushed face burns with embarrassment. I stop dead in my tracks, watching Pinkie as she climbs up close. Leaning in her intentions are clear. I’m unable to deny.

We come together with a passionate embrace, our lips pressed fighting for pleasured dominance. Something stirs within me, a lustful desire. I don’t even remember the reason for my discomfort anymore. Placing a hand around her head and another around her body I pull her to me, getting as much Pinkie as possible. It’s a slow frenzy, constant shifts in position with the occasional stop. Finally after a minute or two we pull apart gazing to each other. Our breaths labored and hot.

Even with her pink coat shrouded in the night I can still see the heavy blush sprawled across her face. Something below bumps against me making me aware of my new stiff appendage. I furrow my brow with a worried expression, unsure if I’m willing to go any further.

“Are you okay with cuddling now?” She appears almost triumphant.

“We can a little bit” I shift myself away some to separate my ‘issue’. “I’m definitely going to need a bath after this”

“Me too! We should share. It’ll save water, it’ll be fun, I can wash your back, you can wash mine! Everything will be fair square and even”

“Yeah I don’t know about sharing a bath. Kinda tough to wash myself with a little perv in there watching me”

“You call me a perv? Your the one getting all… big down there and trying to hide it!”

“Yeah cause it’s embarrassing!”

“I don’t think it’s embarrassing I mean I’m your marefriend! It’s okay to get all funky cause of me… it makes me feel kinda hot too” she looks away bashfully.

Things have gone too far now. I can feel it between us, that next step waiting to be taken. I want it. No, I need it but, I know it isn’t right. This is rushing things, isn’t it? Pinkie seems to notice my hesitation.

“If your uncomfortable we can stop. I don’t want you to be worried that I’ll do something”

Her words sound weird to me, clearly the adaptation of gender reversed roles making me feel more submissive. Pinkie probably thinks I’m worried about her going to far without my consent, as if I couldn’t stop her.

“No no no, I’m not worried about that at all”

“Oh, okay good”

“I’m just not ready for… sex” her eyes widen. “I don’t want to rush things is all… I want us to be more about each other. Not about… all that”

“I would ask if I was thinking about it… if you want I can let you ask when your ready” I’ve killed the mood, Pinkie now settled down.

“I don’t want you to feel like you can’t ask though. Next time how about you ask and I’ll let you know”

“That’s fine with Pinkie! Buuuuttt… what are we gonna do about your wittle friend right now?” She speaks about my dick as if she were speaking of a dog, putting a cutesy tone at the end of her sentence.

“Can we not talk about my dick and his awkward need for attention?”

Pinkie pauses for a second, turning to me with a serious expression, “If you want…. I can take care of it” her eyes look to me to see if she’d gone to far.

“That kinda fits under the category of sex does it not?”

“Not if it’s just a hoof job! It’s only a tug, how could that be any different than us kissing?”

“Because it’s my dick! You know, my sexual reproduction organ? What do you also think ponies get pregnant from kissing?”

“Then can I use my mouth?”

“What?!? How’s that any better?”

“From what I’ve heard it’s a whole lot better but, I do- please don’t tickle me I was joking!” I put my hands back to resting around her away from her stomach.

“Even when I’m okay with everything, I want you to know that oral is off the table”

“Whaaaaat? How come? I mean I’ve never done anything like that before but, it’s not that different from us kissing”

“Because when I want to kiss you I’m not going to want to if your mouth is all… me”

She giggles, “Fair enough”

Silence comes over us letting me soak in the moment. A warm sticky experience with a strong musk but, a warmth inside of me knowing that everything is okay. That I’m not alone. It’s enough to make me close my eyes and enjoy it’s euphoric sensation.

Sunlight, it peeks through our curtains breaking up the peaceful existence between man and pony. I’d fallen asleep, my collar on the night stand beside me. Pinkie must’ve slipped it off me while I slept. Her slumbering shape rests closely at my side, her head resting in my shoulder with a hoof draped over my chest. I’m shocked at the realization of my lack of clothing, only my boxer briefs protect my privacy. Only a second or two goes by until I remember last night, the sticky and sweaty feeling I have also explained. Although slightly uncomfortable, the sight of Pinkies cute face sleeping makes it easy to endure.

“Cute” I whisper with a boop to her nose.

Glancing over to the meticulously ticking sound beside me I’m able to get a time. 10:30, kinda early for a night owl like myself. Closing my eyes I decide to enjoy this moment instead. It’s a much better experience then Canterlot could ever wish to bring. A few more minutes go by and I find myself playing with Pinkies overhanging mane, a small extension that normally supports itself right in front her face. Like the rest of her poofy hair, it’s resilience to spring back into shape is hilarious.

Boing…. Boing

“I can feel that….” A groggy voice speaks up.

“Morning Pinkie” my own voice sounds much more gravelly than usual.

She gives a small smile without opening her eyes, squeezing tight into me. For some reason I feel incredible in the moment. Like I’m floating on a cloud. Euphoric. It’s the best I’ve ever felt since coming here. If it were up to me I’d never let this end, an eternal existence laying here with Pinkie.

“I love you”

This gets her attention. Slowly she pulls herself up to kiss me. “Love you more”

“We could just love each other the same you know, not everything has to be a competition”

“Hmm, nope love you more”

I huff at her silly antics and pull my face into her stomach. Before she even realizes what I’m about to do I blow a large raspberry directly into her gut.

“BWAAAA!” She yelps.

I push myself away avoiding her hooves with a laugh. “That’s for yesterday!”

“Jojo that was pretty mean! I could’ve peed!”

“How am I supposed to know if you have to pee?”

“I never said I did”

“…”

“Okay I really do need to pee”

She gets up and hurries off into the bathroom leaving me without my pony pillow. You never realize how much you’d miss it once it’s gone. I flip over a look at my collar, the silver ring still locked in place in front of the restraint.

I really hope I don’t need to use that

A flush comes from the room next to me followed by a few clops. As she gets closer she has to stop for a yawn with a big stretch, standing on two hooves while she does it. Absolutely adorable would be the only way to describe it.

“Hey miss?”

She points to herself, “Who, me?” Taking a look both ways.

“Yeah you. Awfully pretty mare mare to be all alone this fine mornin. What’s your name miss…?”

“Mrs.” she corrects, “Mrs. Marshall. You see my hubby is inside the saloon right now so you best get on now before he sees you talkin with me”

“Alright easy Pinkie, we just started dating. You’ll scare a man off with that kinda talk”

Giggling she starts to pull my arm. “Cmon we gotta get up and bathe big guy. Otherwise we’re gonna be late for all types of activities!” I’m much to heavy for her to pull off the bed, I go limp to make it even harder for her. “Geez your so fat!”

Laughing I get up and stretch. Pinkie seems to be hypnotized at the sight of me, admiring from head to toe. A light breeze snaps me to my senses. “I’m just eye candy to you huh?”

“What no! I never get to see you all nakie is all” giving a large toothy smile as she says this.

“Normally I’d tickle you for being all pervy but, I’m too tired for that right now. Consider yourself lucky”

“I’ve always been pretty lucky Joey!” She follows behind me while a walk into the bathroom starting the water for a bath. “Even when I was back on the rock farm. You see there was a time where I was super duper scared of going into our mine but, pa said that I need to toughen up. ‘Our family needs to be tough cuz it’s us against them’. He always thought that everypony was just out for themselves and I never could agree with that I mean look at you! Your always helping out even when you don’t need to!”

“I thought you were explaining why your lucky?”

“Was I? I don’t know, who cares”

While she stands there smiling brightly I hover over the bath testing the water temperature. Fluctuating it from hot to cold I eventually fill the tub enough for my liking, along with a more reasonable temperature then the lava Pinkie bathes in.

“This is perfect”

“It sure is isn’t it” Pinkie says while getting into the tub.

“What the shit Pinkie?! I was gonna take a bath first!”

“I thought we were going to share…” her innocence is clear, she really thought we were going to share.

Giving the tub a look it’s way larger then the one back home. Plenty of space not only in length but in width as well. You could probably fit two full grown humans with some space to spare. It even holds a small ledge to sit on the inside of the tub surrounding the walls.

“Ugh, fine but turn around when I say so”

“Okie dokie!”

Unlike most places on Earth, these palace bathrooms come equip with almost every amenity. Using some soap I give the tub a bubbly top covering my lower half once I hop in. Sure enough Pinkie turns around at my command and I slowly get in, adjusting to the temperature.

“Ahhhh, this feels fucking great”

Pinkie peaks back to see me resting along the outer ridge, turning to face me after confirmation.

“Would it be okay if we… cuddled some?” She hesitantly asks.

I swear I’d said last night to give me some time before I’m comfortable with that. “I already told you to give me some time Pinkie”

“But… but we already cuddle and stuff and we um..” her face is already red attempting to explain herself.

“That’s different. This would be way more… I’m uncomfortable with doing that right now”

“Sorry I… I’m sorry I’ll stop” sitting back against the tub it’s clear it’s eating away at her, ears flattened against her skull.

“Can you not guilt trip me please? I just need some time Pinkie”

“I understand I’m being too needy, I get it” she gives a fake smile.

What the fuck is going on? Why is she acting like this? Its the second time she’s gotten all… sad

“Pinkie… what’s wrong?”

Her smile falters and her eyes look away from me. She’s definitely distressed about something. “Sorry I’m being stupid. It’s alright, I’ll be fine”

Leaning forward I’m tempted to go hug her. Anxiously I struggle to make a decision. “You can tell me what’s wrong Pinkie”

“Really it’s fine, I’m being stupid”

“Pinkie you told me I should ask for help when somethings wrong. So let me help you when somethings wrong too”

“I’M F… fine” She practical shouts, catching herself right at the end. She can’t even face me now, looking away at the wall.

It’s too much for my heart to take causing me to swoop over and hug her. I prop her up onto my leg and hold her close.

“Please Pinkie what’s going on?”

She stays silent for a moment and hugs me back. With her face still pressed against me she starts talking.

“I’m scared”

“Of what?”

“That you’ll get sick of me…”

“I’d never get sick of you Pinkie, you know that”

“I keep… bothering you. I really don’t mean to… I just can’t help myself sometimes I’m really sorry”

I stroke her wet mane, “Shhh, it’s fine Pinkie. I won’t leave you no matter what”

She stays quiet for a few minutes while I continue to stroke her mane. Surprisingly it becomes very straight very easy, it’s even much longer then I anticipated.

“I’m sorry”

I nuzzle her close, “Your fine I promise. How long has this been bothering you?”

“This? Only recently”

“You make it sound like there’s more” she stays silent. “Are you okay?”

She shift with uncertainty, unsure whether she should continue. With a look into my eyes she builds up the confidence. “I… I feel sad sometimes. Even when there’s nothing to be sad about”

“How long has that been going on?”

“A little after I moved in…” I’m taken aback, the timing seems all too convenient.

Is this because of me? Twilight and Celestia said I couldn’t harm the elements though…

“I don’t want you to worry about me though, I’m fine really. I’m just being a baby”

Her whole tone and behavior feels completely off, nothing similar to the Pinkie I’m accustomed to.

“Can you tell me when your not feeling okay from now on?”

“…okay”

It’s a sigh of relief. I was worried it would be more difficult to get her to agree. The room remains still with the exception of a few drops of water. She sniffles a few times but, never started crying. The whole incident has raised even more questions and has made me want to wear my collar even more. It’s a little ironic given the start I had with wearing it compared to now.

She settles down given some time and let’s me take the time to wash her coat. Still shaken up she doesn’t talk much for the rest of our bath, even once we’ve gotten out. The whole experience was still uncomfortable yet I powered through for Pinkie’s sake. Getting dressed while she dries her coat, I place the collar around my neck with haste, not wanting to waste another moment with it off. If I’m truly hurting Pinkie, I can’t ever take this fucking thing off. With my magic now blocked I grab the parchment from my bag and write a small letter to Luna asking to meet soon. Even if it’s daytime she seems reliable enough to not sleep through my plea.

Tapping my foot I start to lose patience worrying that Pinkie will finish drying up before I get my reply. Just as I’m about to write another a letter to Luna’s one appears in front of me. Catching it I roll back the paper to read her answer.

‘Dearest Joe,

We would love thou’s company although it comes without question what is thy purpose for such haste. Especially after our prior meeting not a night ago

Love Luna’

A stir comes from my side as Pinkie seems to be finished up. Quickly I write another letter stating I wish to meet her back in the garden as soon as possible. It’s the only location I know I can find her fast

“Okay I’m feeling much peachier now! Let’s go tackle the day!” She hops out of the bathroom and tackles me.

“Oof… nice to see your feeling better”

“Yup! No thanks to you doughy Joey! All I needed was some hooman love and I’m all ready to rock!” I can almost hear an electric guitar through her fake playing.

Her cheerful change is helpful in relieving my worry somewhat. Not enough to stop the constant thud beating away in my chest. I need to get a move on and get some answers or I’m going to freak out.

“Hey Pinkie I actually need to go meet with Luna real quick. Can you go with the girls without me and let me catch up?”

“But how are you gonna know where to go? Plus I know how you get lost all the time silly. There’s no way I can leave you alone! Your like a blind pony without his walking stick!”

“Okay I’m not the best with directions and I get lost sometimes but, I know where to find Luna and I’ll have her teleport me when we’re done”

“Loony doesn’t know where to make you go still. How ya gonna solve that?” Crossing her hooves she feels like she’s got me beat.

“I’ll just send Twilight a letter asking where you girls are” I pull the parchment into view. “Using this bad boy”

She deflates a little. “Sugar! Fine Joofus but be quick! I don’t want you to miss anything”

“Thank you thank you thank you” I give a quick peck on her forehead with each thanks.

Hurrying to the door I slip my shoes on and dash down the hall nearly running into a sleepy Rainbow Dash. “Woah easy big guy! Where are you going?”

“Ask Pinkie!” I yell, still sprinting down the hall.

With the speed of one average male, I make it back to the garden with a new personal best time. Shifting my focus around I doesn’t take long to spot a large navy alicorn among the foliage. Still confused on how this garden can sustain life during the winter I ignore my questions and rush over.

“Luna!” I gasp catching my breath.

Confused at my behavior she tilts her head in question. “Why is thou so rushed? Has there been a new development with that disgusting excuse of a pony?”

“No… no not at all. Actually I need your help”

“I’m listening”

“Okay so how much do you know about my whole magic sickness bullshit”

“As much as our sister has told thou”

“And there’s nothing else? Nothing else she might be hiding?”

“Why suggest she would withhold from you?”

“Because Pinkie has been having these moments whenever my collars off for a long time and we’ve spent a lot of time together and Celestia said the elements would be fine because of there special… whatever! I don’t know but, she said they’d be fine!”

“Are you sure thou isn’t being too worrisome? Perhaps she is acting normal around you because she feels she can trust you. How do you know this is abnormal?”

“That’s not it though! Celestia knew a bunch of shit already when I talked with her that she never told Twilight or me before! She’s hiding something I fucking know it!”

Luna moves over to me and places a hoof upon my shoulder. “Calm thyself, you are getting too riled up and are not thinking clearly”. After she’s says this I realize that I had been clenching my fists, shaking in anger. “I worry about you Joey, what has happened to make thou so paranoid of my sister?”

“It doesn’t make sense! None of it makes sense…”

She sits me down on a bench nearby with herself, slowly stroking my back with a hoof. “Not everything is meant to have meaning. An example of such would be Discord, the spirit of chaos”

“There’s a spirit of chaos?” She nods. “And y’all waited til now to tell me?”

“I don’t see how knowledge of his existence would help thou at all”

“Who’s to say he isn’t the one who caused all of this?!?”

With a giggle she distinguishes most of my anger, “Chaos magic is very noticeable young Marshall. It would have been rather easy to spot the remnants of his role”

“… then back to my original theory. Celestia is hiding something”

Luna seems to get impatient, “We feel the more likely candidate of thou’s confusion would be your brain”

“I’m not crazy!” I yell while standing up.

“We never said you were…” she squints with judgement.

“How about this. You take me to Celestia’s private library and we figure out together if she’s telling the truth”

“How do you know of the library?” Her quick glance to me tells me everything I need to know.

“Doesn’t matter, what’s important is that she has a fucking hidden private library”

Standing tall Luna seems to become much more frightening. It seems like I’ve overstepped my bounds.

“There are some dangers better left from public reach Joey, you know this” her tone screams ‘your over your head’.

Lowering my voice I attempt to reason with her, “That’s why I’d have you there. We go in and search specifically for anything to do with Quantum Matter, his studies, or contagious magic diseases and nothing else”

She gives it some thought, pacing in front of me for a minute. Coming to a stop she glares at me with the most serious of expressions.

“Thou is to stay at my side and do as we say. Do we make ourselves clear?”

“Crystal”

“Good now prepare thyself”

“Huh for wha-“

Blackness fills my vision. Shadows seeping over the edges of my sight until there is no more. I’m quick to panic yet it feels as if I have no body to worry over. No feeling, no… anything. Then, just as suddenly as the world ended, it began again in a different location. I stumble into this new reality or so it seems, frantically looking for explanation.

“Calm thyself Joey, I have simply transferred us in front of the library”

With a look to Luna and then back around I can see in fact, we’re at the entrance of a small library, somewhere high up among one the many spiraling towers. Much smaller in size than I expected, the ceiling was roughly 8 1/2 feet tall. Even the space between shelves was crowded, barely large enough for both me and Luna to stand side by side.

Thank god I’m not claustrophobic

“Now do as we said and stay close… and DONT touch anything”

“Eye eye ma’am” I give a salute and follow her lead.

Her eyes gloss over the many tomes and documents. Nothing seems to really peak her interest until she’s found a section of bibliography’s. Looking around myself I notice that most of the written language contained was in another text then English. It wasn’t familiar to anything I’d ever seen before, almost to appear like scribbles or a poorly written cursive. Maybe it’s the language of doctors and their terrible ability to write prescriptions. Joking aside I can’t read any of this shit.

“Can you read any of this?”

“Of course, tis the former language of Equestria. A form of Poneish that has been long since forgotten. Few texts that remain outside of this library contain such writing”

“So why change it?”

She scans over a specific shelf with intensity, “To ease language barriers with… other cultures. There appears to be a book missing here” she seems concerned and confused. Turning back to me she frowns, “Stay here for a moment, we must look into what is missing. It’ll only be a few minutes so do not-“

“Touch anything, I know I know” glaring angrily she doesn’t seem amused. “I won’t I promise. Shit looks like it’ll fall apart if I touch it anyway and I don’t want that liability on my hands”

“Only for a moment, sit tight”

Vanishing into a puff a smoke I’m left with my hands in my pockets and nothing to do. Walking through some of the previous isles it’s quite noticeable the change in writing, a more recognizable form to today’s writing. Moving around on my toes to observe the many texts I find a pattern. Most of what’s hidden hear appears to be important documents and other legalities. Some of the books look to be incident reports, notes taken after disasters or battles. Then there’s the few books that seem unsettling. Things named like, ‘soul manipulation’ or ‘hexes for Pegasus foes’. Real shady shit that’s better locked up then available to anypony else.

Intrigued I lean closer to one book in particular, it’s cover wrapped in several locks with an ash like substance coated over its edges. Feeling compelled I start to reach out to touch it.

“I think it would be best for both of us if you didn’t touch that”

Chills run down my spine. I’m drenched in a cold sweat. It wasn’t Luna’s voice. Turning slowly it’s none other then the goddess of the sun. Draped in regal armor she takes a second to remove her protection.

“Sorry if I frightened you, I had noticed a disturbance within my private library and felt an unfamiliar being with my sister. I should’ve assumed it was you given the lack of magical aura”

Staying silent I back up some and attempt to calm myself down.

“Where is my sister by the way? Had she left you alone?”

“Uh… y-yeah, yeah she said she wanted to check out a book that was missing”

“And why is it that she has you with her as well? Might you be interested in this book as well?”

I’m terrified but I can’t back out now. “We can cut the act, I’m sure you know why I’m here with her”

Stepping closer she closes the gap between me and my only exit. “You fear I am hiding something from you and that I would leave such a thing in my own private library which I still do not understand how you’ve found out about”

“I have eyes and ears everywhere”

“Yes and it would appear so however, you are in no position to bargain. Where does your mistrust in me stem from? Have you been inflicted by Discord in some way? No… I sense to chaos magic within you…”

“Where’s the book?”

“Perhaps you are unaware of the situation. Currently you are in act of conspiracy against your princess. Now I do believe you are inherently pure in your actions so I would suggest you do not withhold any information from me”

“There’s nothing to tell, your hiding shit from me, Luna, and the elements, It’s obvious! I mean you seem to know an awfully lot about my issue even though the only document we have is that journal you gave Twilight. I don’t remember it saying anything about how to deal with my sickness yet you made a pretty good ‘guess’!”

In response to my accusations she seems to rise in size, now peering eye to eye with me. Her hair flows violently like fire. “It appears there is no going back”

Flinching I expect her to strike down on me with her wrath, killing me instantly. My eyes stay closed for a few seconds before I realize I’m still alive. Taking a peek she’s shrunken back down to her normal size and holds a book in front of me. I hesitate to grab it, snatching it quickly to read the cover.

‘Quantum Matter’s experimental log’

“You were right to judge. I have led you all astray in hopes of avoiding this moment”

I feel my soul leave my body, floating above, drifting into the abyss. This can’t actually be. Truthfully it was a desperate attempt to hold sanity, a belief that there was some hope. I could cling to any idea I could come up with until my time has come but, this changes everything. My hand shakes to lift the cover. Sweating profusely my heart battles to burst from my chest. A white hoof closes the book, taking it back into her possession. I stand lost, unsure what to think. Struggling I’m able to get out one word.

“Why…”

“Because the answer will not bring peace only suffering”

Leaning back into the wall behind me I slide down into my knees. “I have to know….” My eyes are watery and lost.

“Quantum Matter did not seek to share magic with other races. His actual intentions were to change his own race. He suffered from insanity, believing that to be a unicorn is to be a plague on ones own kind. His thoughts were polluted by some sort of illusion of how things should be. He took matters into his own hooves and experimented with himself until he perfected a way to presently change a pony’s race. His own self hatred affected his ability similar to the darkness that posed my sister. He failed to cast the spell and in turn created a self harming magical ailment that would harm the user. The catch? The sickness could only be prevailed if the one affected could find love with themselves otherwise their self hatred would seep outward into the ones around them”

Taking it all in it doesn’t make any sense. I didn’t hate myself, or at least not enough to cause this!

“That doesn’t make sense… I don’t hate myself”

“This is precisely the problem, you see Quantum had discovered this and figured with his new body he would be self satisfied with the result. As he lived on, those around him would become sick and parish. Leaving him with only himself to blame. He never found peace with his actions and in turn hated himself for the pain he caused others. Whatever you heard of his demise was false, he was Equestria’s first suicide. My first failure… I was afraid to tell you this in fear you’d blame yourself as well. I hoped the elements would help you find peace before things ever got this far”

“You lied to me…”

“I protected you!”

“If you would have fucking told me already I could’ve been trying to fix this from the beginning!”

“It isn’t that simple Joey Marshall! One does not simply solve an issue this complicated because they wish it! If you had any patience you would have been fine over time”

“Your a monster! A fucking villain!”

“I never wanted to deceive you I only wished to help you, can’t you see that?”

Standing up I’m fuming, enraged. “DO YOU THINK I WANTED THIS? TO BE A FUCKING OUTCAST? LIED TO BY THE ONE PONY THATS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT ME?!?” I push past her to the opening in the room. “You had a fucking job”

“Joey please calm yourself. Understand that I-“

“I’ve had enough of this shit. Send me anywhere but here! I can’t fucking look at you”

“I’m sorry I-“

“ENOUGH!”

Her ears flatten as she charges a spell, “As you wish, I will place you near my pupil”

Shooting me with her spell I start to vanish into a smoke. As I fade I look her way one last time.

“Don’t ever talk to me again”

Looking away shamefully she’s greeted by a confused Luna pointing in my direction. I can’t hear their conversation, the light engulfing my senses.

With a slam I fall onto the street. I’m somewhere in Canterlot, more specifically around the tourist location of the city. Blinded by my rage I don’t even bother to look for Twilight or any of the girls. I pick a direction and start walking. Walking…. and walking… and walking. By now the cold had started to beat me down forcing me to take shelter in the nearest building. Conveniently it’s a pub so accordingly I take a seat at the bar. There isn’t much of a crowd given the time of day so the tender makes her way over. I stop her with a wave of my hand.

“I’m good, just dodging the cold”

“You know a few drinks might warm you up” the stallion beside me jokes while enjoying a drink of his own.

“Dude it’s like 1 o’clock”

“It’s Friday night somewhere”

Huffing at his comment I go back to my brooding. A glass of water is suddenly slid in front of me by the bar tender and she gives me a wink. Raising an eyebrow I say whatever to the gesture and take a drink. Either she’s a pervert or a nice pony.

“You look like you’ve had a heck of a day, somepony die?”

I don’t feel like talking. Instead I twirl the glass around looking at the ice.

“Hm, I guess It would be pretty tough to have a nice day if I was an ass too”

“Do you talk that way with all of your customers” I say still trying to appear uninterested.

“Only the ones who deserve it”

I look her in the eye with an angry stare, “Well maybe if you took a hint and fucked off I wouldn’t be so pissy”

For a moment she seems to become angry as well only to burst into laughter. “Wow your a real sourpuss! Do you beat puppies for a living?”

I sigh and chug the last of my glass. Getting up I head toward the door and say “Have a nice day”, in a sarcastic tone.

Just as my hand reaches the door a voice chimes up behind me, “Hey buddy, I think I can help ya”. The voice sounds hoarse and southern, unfamiliar.

With a turn I face the stranger, he’s almost entirely across the bar. His face is obscured by his dirty hat, the wear and tear making its years obvious. A smile resides across his face, wicked and long. He’s menacing as fuck looking but, what the fuck is he going to do midday with witnesses around. With a wave he motions me over. Not wanting to take my anger out on any of the girls I take up his offer, hoping I’d be calmer by the time this weirdo finishes his proposal.

I sit across from him in his booth, it’s around the corner near the back but just visible from the entrance. “Just so you know I’m not into gay sex or anything like that so if that’s what this-“

“The heck you talkin bout boy? Golly that’s one weird assumption!”

“Just checking”

“… anyway I think I know a mare that has the answer to yer problem”

“You don’t know my problem cowboy and what the fuck is a hick like you doing in Canterlot? Isn’t this a little out of your comfort zone?”

He chuckles tilting his hat up for a second, his hazel eyes try to size me up. “Ain’t you a little too ugly to be walkin round town stead of livin in a zoo?”

“Ponies have zoos too? Isn’t that kinda awkward?”

“Yer forgettin the point, I have a way to fix yer day”

“You don’t have any idea what my issue is so” I start to get up, “I think I’m done here”

“Hold on jus a minute” glancing back for a second I’m drawn to the item slid onto the table.

It’s an image of a stallion, the very same stallion who’s ass I beat. The very same stallion who’s daughter raped me. At first sight I figured it was my imagination but, taking a closer look it’s definitely him. Quickly I grab the stallion and pull him behind the wall out of sight. Placing a hand around his neck I pin him against a wall near a back exit door. We’re just around the corner making us not visible to those walking in or already seated.

“Who the fuck are you?”

Whispering desperately he lifts his hooves in defense, “Easy there partner! I didn’t mean to rile ya up like that. Like I said I think I can help”

“I’m listening” I make it very clear his next words determine how many teeth he walks out of here with.

“Alright, well… I heard that stallion braggin bout somethin his daughter done did to an alien and I put two and two together-“

“From what I’ve heard is that, that very same stallion is hiding right now so if you know where he is-“

“No! No I don’t! This was jus before he up and vanished! Wasn’t anywhere even special really but, I met a mare who said she knows where he is and I figured you might be interested”

None of this makes sense.

“So what do you get out of all of this? And how did you know where to find me?”

“As for findin ya, I heard the elements were headin to Canterot and I figured if that story hold any truth you’d be in a place like this”

So dumb luck

“In case you haven’t noticed I’m not an element”

“Oh cmon like yer not wearin a blasted collar and always followin them around!”

“You suggesting I’m their pet?”

“You aren’t?”

I cover his mouth and sock him once in the gut. Muffled he tries to double over. Pulling him back up I remove my hand from his mouth.

“*cough* sweet Celestia what the hay!”

“You’ve been stalking me. I should turn you in right now for even-“

“Alright! Okay I’m sorry! Yeesh I didn’t know honestly!” He rubs his stomach with an off hoof while the other remained holding the hand around his neck.

“So why help me? It doesn’t make sense that you would go to all this trouble just to help a fellow Equestrian”

“What’s so wrong with that?”

Rolling my eyes I cover his mouth again and punch him another time in the stomach, this time much harder than before. Immediately he struggled to breath, I’d knocked the wind clear out of him.

“*gasp* oh heavens *gasp* what have I gotten myself into”

“Cmon ‘buddy’ spill the beans or were spilling teeth”

“Okay I promise, I’ll tell ya the truth” he cowers fearfully. “The mare I was talkin bout hired me! She said she’d pay me real good if I found ya and gave ya that” he points back to the table.

Confused I question whether he’s talking about the picture he showed me or something else I can’t see. Then his words register to me, she hired him. Just as I’m about to turn back to him a dark bag is pulled over my head causing me to fall down onto the floor. I lose my grip on the stallion and pull against the tightened grip around my neck. It’s another individual attacking me, one beside the stallion I had already. I go to shout but, I’m unable to make any noise beside a gurgle with the restraint on my neck. Whoever or whatever it is strangling me it’s way stronger then I can handle, dragging me deeper into the back of the bar. I can hear the door beside me open and feel my heels brush against the ground in the direction of the back exit. The cold air stings against my skin while I struggle. Each second that goes by I lose more and more strength until I’m unable to keep fighting. It’s too much, I pass out.

Like a switch I’m back again, wide awake but, blind. A weak light gives me proof of my awakening, it’s presence just noticeable through the thin slits on the bag covering my head. I’ve been abducted.

Im a fucking idiot, I’m a fucking idiot, I’m a fucking idiot

The only thing I can even think is how stupid I am. For leaving the girls, for talking to this weird ass stallion, and for falling for that pathetic excuse of a bluff. Feeling around a bit I can tell that my hands our bounded, or maybe chained? The cold metal against my wrists certainly makes it seem that way but, who owns chains let alone chain cuffs? My feet feel free though and the room smells of mold, musk, and iron. My gut churns at the thought of what sight is beyond the mask. It’s not until a few minutes pass until I remember the situation I’m in… the ponies that have me.

Fear… then panic sets in. Like reliving a nightmare only this ones for real, and it’s happened before. My mind wanders to a distant place, dark thoughts of what might be planned for me, imagining the worst naturally.

“Fuck! Fuck… this is insane”

The empty room echos my voice ever so slightly. From my outburst a noise above stirs, creaking of wooden floors followed by the clops of hooves. Adrenaline starts to run high and my flight or fight instincts start to kick in. Pulling against my restraint the pain in my wrists makes it obvious I’m not going anywhere. Speaking of pain my throat was raw and dry. I needed water desperately and the skin around my neck was burning as well. Other than that I felt surprisingly unharmed.

With a loud bang I can hear the bolt of a large metal door unlock, the intruder taking their steps down a flight of wooden stairs leading to me. It’s at this point I feel myself begging to have a panic attack, I fight my nerves attempting to steady my focus. If I’m going to have any chance at getting out of this I need to be calm.

“Aren’t you real tough til we chained ya up” it’s the voice of the stallion at the bar.

I stay silent.

Pulling the bag from my head my eyes adjust fast, the room already dark and animus. I focus to the stallion in front of me.

“Ya know yer a real stupid one. I mean I didn’t even have a plan really. Heck you would’ve gotten away if my pa hadn’t been there”

Keep talking asshole

Moving to my side he starts to spin a wheel covered in several handles, something similar to a steering wheel of a ship. Wrapped around it is a bunch of chain which eventually leads to a pulley above my head and then to my hands. The whole structure is a cross like set of beams meant for holding me up.

“Don’t like talkin much huh? Not what sis told me” spinning the wheel more and more I start to feel myself get pulled up toward the ceiling.

“Yeah… get ya nice and ready for sis”

I fight the urge to puke, truly horrified at this sick pony. He’s everything you’d imagine out of a horror hick flick, some Texas chainsaw massacre type shit. Keeping my face neutral, I refuse to give any emotion to him.

Now fully standing, my hands remain above my head chained. Standing on my toes, it’s the only way to avoid having my weight pull against my wrists.

“Before she gets her fun, I’d love to get sum payback for earlier” stepping to the side I’m unable to see him behind me.

There’s some shuffling, sounds of a toolbox. Reappearing in front of me he hold a large crowbar in his mouth. He stands on two legs grabbing it into his hoof and starts to wind up a swing.

“Ya see whatcha did back there really hurt!” During his swing I grab the chain above me and pull myself up.

With a swift kick I avoid his swing and knock him straight on his ass. Their morons for not chaining my legs.

“Argh! Ya broke my nose!”

Blood pours from his face rapidly, his hoof unable to stop any of the bleeding. Dropping the crowbar here rushing back up the stairs.

“Sis! Sis get the hay down here and use yer magic on that rat!”

Still shook with the whole experience I’m unable to enjoy his pain, looking around the room for any signs of escaping. Looking up to the pulley above me, the chain is barely held on only wrapped around the tool without any support. With a little effort I could easily unhook this sucker. Sure enough with a swing I manage to get the chain from the pulley, giving me enough of a drop to now be flat on my feet. My guess is they didn’t expect to chain an individual my size, I’ll take the advantage. With another grab of the chains, I pull myself upward onto the beam it’s wrapped around. Fortunately there’s enough space for me to pull myself up and over so that there’s nothing holding me up. Unfortunately, I slip causing myself to fall rapidly to the ground. In an attempt to break my fall I hold out a wrist. With a pop I’d either dislocated or broken it completely.

“Oh sweet mother of god!” Curling around my injured wrist, another set of hooves rush down to greet me in their cellar.

“How the hay did you get out!?!”

With a quick flick I turn back to the voice, it’s disgustingly familiar. She stands there, separating me from freedom.

“You fuckers kinda suck at kidnapping” I’m furious but, still aware that I need to buy time to think of an idea.

She smirks thinking she still has the upper hand. “There ain’t no way you getting out this cellar past me buckeroo. I know ya don’t have any magic so tying you back up ain’t gonna be a problem for this mare”

Glancing around I notice the wheel used to pull me up holds the end of my chain. I could easily unravel it and carry the chain with me.

“I wouldn’t call you a mare… more like a psychotic bitch with daddy issues”

She takes a step to her left, I copy her movement and move to my left. At this point the only thing keeping me from getting zapped is the beam separating the two of us. It’s a standoff.

“I can wait aaaalll day!”

“Not surprising a psycho mare wouldn’t have anything to do but play in her little rape dungeon”

“Ha! Ya think yer real funny huh?”

The adrenaline in my body floods my senses keeping me aware of every little movement she makes. Knowing that it will eventually ware off and my wrist will become unbearable, I decided to make a move. With a juke I manage to get her to shoot a shot of magic off, missing me by near inches. Grabbing the chain I quickly swing it around the wheel and pull it into my hands like a lasso.

“Stand still you little…”

Snapping it like a whip I hit one of her front hooves causing her to stumble backward with a yelp. Foolishly I think she’s stunned enough for a tackle only to see her charge up another shot straight toward my face. Closing my eyes I know it’s over.

Electrical zaps loudly fill the room and my body seizes at the current pulsing throughout my body. I’m shot backward into the beam with serious force, enough to make it crack at the center. With a gasp I struggle to breath, my lungs feeling deflated and useless. I’d likely punctured a lung and broken a few ribs, there’s no way I could continue fighting with another hit. Only it never comes. Instead when I look over to where the mare stood, she wasn’t there. A strong burning metal smell fills me nostrils as smoke seems to come up from below me. Using my healthy wrist I reach to my neck to feel my collar still in place, the ring burnt and broken. It crumbles in my hand.

Holy shit Twilight I’ll date you whenever you whenever you want you little genius!

With a painful huff I pull myself up against the beam and look back toward the exit and to my surprise there lay the mare. Her body smoking and sizzled, motionless and broken. I didn’t feel like getting too good a look once I had noticed how gruesome her front half had looked. She was completely fried… dead.

I choke on a sob, not believing any of this was real. She truly was dead. I couldn’t waste any time though, dragging myself up the stairs using the wall as leverage. I had grabbed the crowbar as well before leaving, holding it in my one good hand while the chain was wrapped around my other arm I made my way up to the first floor. I probably looked badass to be honest.

Pushing the door open a pony jumps into the entrance holding his nose, his focus not on me.

“Ya get him yet sis….” His voice shrinks once he turns to me.

With a vicious slam I crack his skull with the crowbar, likely killing him on impact. His body falls to the floor limp, a few gargles bubbling up from his mouth.

With a large step I walk over him, my face and shirt sprayed with his blood. I try to ignore the smell, the realization that I’d killed a living sentient being but, it’s all too much. With a heave I throw up whatever contents remain in my stomach. With a wipe of my sleeve I look around for an exit.

Apparently I’m in some dingy shack, pushing the screen door open using the crowbar I step out onto the porch. I’m on a farm, and with further inspection close to Canterlot. The cities impressive appearance on display over the horizon. When going to step down off the porch I slip, falling onto my face. I’m sore, unbelievably sore and with a flip I lay onto my back exhausted. I can’t go on without a break and a break I will not get.

“YOU MONSTER! YA KILLED MY KIDS!”

Lifting my head I look up to see the stallion yelling at me, his stupid face still scarred from the beating I gave him months ago.

“I’MA KILL YOU…. YOU MONSTER!”

“Shut the fuck u-“ he boots my face with his hoof and sits atop my chest with tears in his eyes.

He beats me, over and over, until I can barely see through the blood pouring around my face. Reaching over he grabs the crowbar and lifts it high above my head, he shakes with hesitation. With a gasp I’m able to say a few words.

“I’m.. *gasp* sorry…” even with me struggling to speak with the blood in my mouth he’s able to understand me.

Even after I’d killed his children he still doesn’t have the conviction to finish me. He never was a killer, only a pony with a big mouth and no spine to back it up. He drops the crowbar to the side and collapses.

Crying he looks around as if some sort of message was to come to him in this moment. Something to tell him what to do. With hooves pressed into his eyes he breaks down.

I fade in and out of conciseness. The toll finally catching up to my body. I place a hand against my burning side and hold it in front my face. Blood covers almost the entirety of its face. With a glance I see a large piece of wood sticking out of my side. I let my hand fall to the ground beside me looking to the sky.

A light snowfall starts to flutter down from above. Glistening flakes falling upon my beaten body, settling on my stained clothing. It’s quiet now and peaceful. My body feels cold and numb. My eyes heavy, I need to rest them if only for a moment.

17 New Beginnings

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The wind whispers across the many plains that surround the small town of Ponyville. Another morning breeding life over the horizon through the heat of Celestia’s sun. A thin frost layers the lawn out front of Ponyville clinic, a resting place for those injuries and sick. It’s shortly after the winter wrap up but, the winter chill still resides even if the ponies have prepared for the spring. Mother Nature changes for no one yet, this would be the last time of this year that snow covers this land. Melting away at the suns embrace it’s liquid form makes residence with the earth below.

Taking a closer look inside we find the many hallways filled with pleasing colors and lively decorations. Unlike a human hospital, ponies take decor a bit more seriously settling for a more inviting feel then that of a sanitized human experience. Along with the environment, the staff remain littered throughout the building. Most tired from a long night shift, prepping for the journey home while others are arriving with their morning coffee. It’s quiet, relaxing, and uneventful.

With a walk up to the top floor and a stroll down the hall toward the clinics special cases unit, a single door separates us from the resident alien Joey Marshall. Coming up to the glass window on the door a ponies reflection can be seen, purple and nerdy. Twilight peeks inside to see a very bandaged up Joey along with a sleeping Pinkie Pie draped over his side, her butt resting on the seat next to him. With a light push of the door Twilight snakes her way into the room and sits down on a couch near the window.

With top floor patient rooms, the provided space is much roomier than usual filled with all types of emergency closets filled to the brim with potential amenities for non pony patients. To the right of Joey’s bed sit a two person couch placed under the shades of a window. A small bookshelf makes use of passing time for guests however, Twilight was sure to bring her own entertainment in the book ‘Helping with traumatic injuries, A guide to recovery with friendship’. Talk about cheesy.

Giggling at the sight of Pinkies large snot bubble her smile fades fast when her eyes continue to travel across the bed. Joey had several injuries, most more serious than minor. A punctured lung, multiple broken ribs, a deep stab wound just missing his liver, a fractured wrist, rope burn along his neck, and a strange pattern going from his neck to partially up the left side of his face and down the left half of his torso. The doctor referred to it as Lichtenberg figure scarring, a possible symptom of being struck by lightning. Apparently even if that ring saved his life, it wasn’t properly placed around a horn making all those near suffer the residual energy from its aftershock. Joey was alive though and stable, even if a week had past since the event.

Taking a closer look it had been a while since he had been able to clean himself properly, his greasy hair grown halfway down his neck. His beard hairs roughly half an inch. Speaking of his face it almost slipped Twilights mind! He’d been beaten viciously as well, bruised and swollen in most areas of soft tissue.

It was a miracle he’d survived even after Luna found him right after his fight. Thankfully she had placed a teleporting rune on his collar in case he would ever go missing so once it was made apparent he was gone she immediately found his location. Things went by so fast and sudden.

At first it was concerning. Pinkie mentioned that Joey went to talk with Luna real quick and would join us shortly after but, as the day went on his lack of arrival seemed more suspicious. Then just before I’d sent a letter to Luna, princess Celestia had arrived looking for Joey, insistent that she apologized for something. Once we all figured out that nopony knew where he was, Luna was quick to disappear, saving him from certain death. I never seen the two matriarchs so shook up before, honestly it was frightening.

With a little magical healing something Luna struggled with unlike Celestia, she was able to get him steady enough to be transferred to Canterlot’s private palace infirmary. We didn’t even know what had happened for a few hours until we had found Luna again. Days had passed and yesterday they deemed him steady enough to transport back home, taking us to where we are now. I had so many questions that needed answers.

With a sigh Twilight reached into her saddlebag and grabbed a blank journal from within. Taking a second to appear an ink and quill, she writes on its front ‘property of Joey Marshall’. It was a gift, a journal for him to write in to help relieve stress. Twilight has her own personal journal she enjoyed filling so as a way to pass the time she figured he could use one as well, only if he’d wake up.

Yawning, Pinkie stirred noticing that Twi had taken a seat behind her. She can’t not smile at the sight of her friend. “Hi Twilight” she whispers as if she could wake him at any moment.

Twi gave a pained smile after taking a closer look at Pinkie. Her eyes were heavy and her hair messier then normal, she’d been there almost every night since they found him.

“Pinkie maybe you should head home and get some rest”

“I’ll be fine silly, plus… I’m home wherever Joey is” she turns back to face Joey only for a moment. “It’s kinda lonely with the house all empty. Maybe we should get a puppy! Or maybe… maybe I should ask Joey first…” her ears flatten.

Taking a few steps closer Twilight puts her hoof on Pinkies side guiding her down off the stool. “Maybe you should get some rest and something to eat okay? What would he want you to do in this situation?”

Opening her mouth she pauses, then concedes to Twilights logic. “He IS a big worry wort, I guess your right. Who’s going to watch him though if he wakes up? I have to stay in case he wakes up!”

Twilight giggles and has to push the stubborn Pinkie out the door herself. “It’ll be fine! I’m going to be here until you get back. How’s that sound?”

“But-“

“I’ll even tell you when he wakes up okay?” Hesitantly Pinkie shuffles in place, unsure what to do. With a smile and a hug Twilight leans into her ear, “I promise”

Pulling away Pinkie nods in acceptance and slowly trots away, looking back the entire time until she reaches the stairs. Her expression is heartbreaking to Twilight but, it’s for the best she gets some rest. Heading back into the room Twi hops back onto the couch a peels into her book. This is the perfect task for a pony like Twilight.

The day ticks on and a few of the girls come and go including Spike as well. They say hello and keep Twi company for some of the time, Dash staying the longest. She had arrived with AppleJack but, decided to stay longer. It was clear she blamed herself for some odd reason, like she could have prevented this all from happening. That was the protective nature inside of her peeking through, always willing to do anything to keep her friends safe. She even took the time to talk with him about her day after asking for some privacy. For Dash this was a touchy subject, Twilight wouldn’t dare interrupt.

Now left alone again and the day almost over Twilight was left with nothing to do having finished her book. With curiosity she looked to Joey’s sleeping body. Could he hear us this whole time? Was he stuck in some limbo? Or was he completely gone, devoid of any thought, to awake from his trauma in an entirely different scenario.

She hopped up onto the stool next to him, looking over his injuries. “You really are lucky…” her voice is low and quiet. “If you… I… I never could’ve forgiven you if you died that day Joey”, tears glimmer in her eyes. “You don’t get to just leave us like that… leave me…”

“That’s real cute Twi” Her eyes widen at the sound. Looking up she sees his eyes partially open with his focus on her. “Also kinda selfish don’t you-“

With a leap she hugs him in a suffocating grasp, tears breaking down her face. “Joey!” She croaks out. “Sweet Celestia you’re awake!”

“…killing me…”

She pulls away bashfully, wiping the tears from her face. “Heh, sorry”

“No it’s fine I get it. Your trying to finish the job”

Giggling she can’t keep her eyes off him. “Good to know you still haven’t changed”

Smiling for a bit I change my tone to a more serious one. “Seeing how I’m not dead, how long was I out?”

“About a week. Honestly your lucky your even alive! If it wasn’t for Luna we would’ve never found you”

I frown remembering the last moment I saw her, “Where is she by the way and what happened?” Taking a look down my own body I continue my questions, “I didn’t lose any limbs or anything right?”

“No, your all in once piece!”

I exhale, “That’s nice to know. So how’d she find me?”

“Well apparently she had placed a rune in your collar that can be teleported to at any moment so when we learned you were missing she left right away”

“Sounds like overprotective Luna…” Smiling I remember the ring Twilight gave me. “Oh by the way that ring you gave me ended up coming in clutch. You saved my life purple!”

“Yeah but, look what it did to your skin!” She poofs a small handheld mirror for me to check myself out. “If I was really helpful I would’ve found a way to make it work for you specifically!”

Grabbing the mirror I scratch behind her ear, “Oh please save the humbleness, you saved my life” taking a look I notice the scars coming from my neck across the left side of my body. Their pattern a red etched vein work throughout my side, even reaching the left side of my face ending just above my eye.

“Not gonna lie but, I kinda look badass as long as you don’t get really close”

“I’m really sorry Joey”

I place a finger on her mouth shushing her, “Close your eyes”

Confused she listens to my instructions and sits there with her eyes closed waiting. “Now what?”

Leaning forward I place a hand on the side of her face while giving a passionate kiss. She opens her eyes surprised but, doesn’t pull away. When I stop she seems slightly bummed it was over so soon. Blushing brightly she looks away to the floor.

“That’s a gift for my hero” I give her a wink.

Hopping down she heads over to her bag embarrassed, “I just r-remembered I told P-Pinkie I’d tell her w-when you waked up s-so…”

“Twi?”

“Hm?” She met my eyes for second before looking away again.

“You were right” confused again she meets my stare. “After almost dying and my talk with Luna I realized something. I was being selfish. I shouldn’t dictate what you think is important, so I want to say I’m sorry”

“I don’t understand, what are you talking about?”

I can’t fight my blush, “…I’m okay with us dating”

Shocked she takes my parchment and floats it over to me on the bed. “I think I need to take a walk to clear my thoughts. I’ll go get the nurse”. With a heavy blush she leaves me alone in the room with an ink and quill so I can write to Pinkie.

Was that too much to put on her after waking up?

Carefully I craft a letter to Pinkie letting her know of my awakening, making sure to emphasize being safe on her way here. I know how dangerous she can get whenever she focuses in on something. She turns into a blind dog chasing after a smell, completely unaware of the danger around her. Curling up the letter my message is sent leaving me with nothing but my five senses.

Speaking of those, I really stink. The nicest thing these ponies could do is give me a shot of some magic juice and let me rest at my home, I’m sure they’ve got something like that. Deflecting my attention back to my surroundings it would be impossible not to wonder the condition my body is in. I lift my wrist first to see nothing wrong beside a small brace holding it in place. To my body I see several wrappings of gauze, the very same spot where that wood had gouged me. It didn’t feel painful but, I’m sure that’s pony magic for you. Then there’s the scarring that shoots down my left side and left arm. Tracing a hand over the skin it feels smooth, like the markings were beneath. All in all, I was in pretty good shape for almost dying.

I go to sit up but, a large shooting pain bites my side causing me to fall back down into a laying position.

Okay… maybe I’m not fine yet

While I attempt to readjust in my bed a pony dressed in nurses clothing opens the door to the room with a bright smile. In her clenched teeth she holds a clipboard and around her waist a small pouch carrying an ink and quill.

“You ponies should really invest into making pens. Much easier, much more convenient”

Sitting beside me she takes the quill into her hands after a few dips and faces me. “It’s good to see that you’re aware of your surroundings! Is there any trouble with your vision?”

“Nope!”

“How about your hearing? Can you hear me if I talk quiet like this?” She lowers her voice with each syllable.

“Yep”

“And are you experiencing any pain? Anything that feels bugging or bothering?”

“Nope”

She pauses for a second, “Don’t be afraid to say more”

“Okay”

With a sigh she continues through her checklist. Can you feel your toes? Do you know your name? It’s a bunch of questions that are simple to answer leaving me more and more bored as we go on.

“And it says here you need to keep this collar on for medical purposes, is that correct?”

“Uh huh”

“I know it might be a bit unprofessional for me to ask but, they wouldn’t tell me why you have to wear it. Is it okay if I know?”

“No” I frown. “If I told you I’d have to eat you”

Frowning herself, she seems in a mix of deciding whether or not I was serious. “That’s fine, keep your secrets. It’s not like I cleaned your sheets and washed your hair or anything…”

“Ha! Alright, you earned some respect from me after playing the guilt card. I’ll tell you this..” I lean forward and whisper into her ear. “It’s to keep me from being endlessly horny”

She blushes up and pulls away embarrassed. I start to laugh however, stop quickly at the pain in my side.

“Ahem, that’ll be all then. I’ll be back later with your pain medication just before bedtime” she hold her snout high and walks out the room.

On the backswing of its closing, Twilight pushes through right after the nurses departure followed by a very worried looking Pinkie. Stepping around Twilight she pauses to get a good look at me. I give her a world class smile. Her lips start to tremble as she smiles back, tears rolling down the sides of her face with each closing step. The first few steps slow until she rushes to me with a leap.

It’s a painful reunion yet, worth any suffering. “That was an awfully long nap Joey! Y-you had me worried… I thought that….” She doesn’t continue. Hugging deeper into my bandaged side I wrap her in an arm of my own.

“I’m really sorry Pinkie. I shouldn’t have left you or any of the girls sides. I was stupid and let my emotions dictate my decision making” I press my forehead against hers and close my eyes. “It won’t happen again, I Pinkie promise”

Crying she buries herself in my side, I look over to the other pony in the room. Twilight stands there kicking her front hoof around bashfully, unsure what to do. I motion her over for a hug as well, holding my other arm out as an invite. With a sigh she can’t deny a free hug, it’s her inner pony taking control. We come together into one group hug, something I really needed after all of this.

“What happened J-Joey” Pinkie asks. “I thought you were going to talk with Luna so I don’t understand how you got all captured like that”

With a look to Twilight I feel conflicted on telling her what happened. I wouldn’t want her relationship with Celestia to change because of knowing what happened. Perhaps it would be best to hold that part out and have Celestia tell her herself.

“There’s some things I need to keep a secret and some things I need to solve on my own but, I’ll tell you what happened when I left my conversation with Luna”

Twilight tilts her head, “Why do you need to keep secrets? Was it something private between the two of you?”

I pat her head, “I suggest you ask Celestia about what happened. I don’t want to talk for her”

“But didn’t you talk with Luna? Why woul-“

“Trust me on this, ask Celestia”

“… ok” she swallows her curiosity.

“So I got kidnapped by this stallion right? I was in some random ass bar and they guy says he’s got a proposal for me”

“And you listened to him? When nopony was there to protect you?”

“Yes Twi, like I said I was stupid. Anyway, he catches me off guard and him and his father choke me out or whatever”

Pinkie rubs her face against my neck, “Is that why you have these rope burns?”

“Probably” I rub my neck to feel them for myself, the memory still holds strong. “They chained me up in some basement and the one did a pretty shit job so I kicked him in the face and bought some time to free myself some. When I was trying to flip over a beam on the ceiling I fell and that’s when I broke my wrist”

“Oh… Joey…” My retelling of my injuries bothers Pinkie more and more as I go on. Twilight meanwhile seems to soak every detail in.

“Once I flipped over the beam and hurt my wrist that mare… the one that… she came down there and tried to zap me with some sort of spell but, your ring saved my life” smiling I brush my hand against the collar in the same spot where it resided.

“Yeah but, I could’ve made it better! It was so dumb of me to not modify the rings protective properties. I should’ve made it specialized for your hand so you wouldn’t have been in any danger” she shakes her head in disappointment. “That was unacceptable of me…”

Pinkie quickly hugs Twilight surprising both Twi and I. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. You saved his life Twilight! I can’t ever repay you!”

She looks away embarrassed, “Honestly I didn’t do anything…”

“There’s no need for you to be bashful Twi. You saved my ass”

“I… can you continue with the story?”

“Sure” I smile. “Uh where was I… oh so the nasty bitch zaps me but, that ring deflects the spell back at her and fries her ass”

“So the ring DID do it’s intended purpose after all”

“Yeah except it kinda zapped me some too and launched me across the room” Twilight starts to mentally berate herself before I boop her nose. “BUT, it did save me from becoming burnt toast like that mare” thinking back to the smell of burning pony flesh I almost feel like puking. “If it’s possible I’d like to never see something like that again”

“Don’t worry I’ll never let anypony even get close to ever again! That way if you never see other ponies you can’t be hurt by other ponies! Genius right? I just came up with the idea!”

“Alright creepy possessive pony, let’s ease up on the serial killer behavior”

“But Joey, if I’m not all scary ponies might try and take you again!”

“Actually” Twilight chimes in, “I don’t think that’s going to be much of an issue anymore”

“Huh? How come?”

“Maybe you should take a look at this” She reaches into her bag a pulls out a newspaper, handing to me.

Taking it I flip it open to read the front headlines.

‘Ponyville’s resident hooman stops pony trafficking family’.

“What?” I keep reading.

‘During this weekend, the hooman Joey Marshall was kidnapped and escaped his own encounter. The pony family had been running a trafficking business on the outskirts between Canterlot and Ponyville for over 7 months. Many recent disappearances of several different individuals of varying races were traced back to the farmstead after royal guard conducted testing. There was even evidence of the missing filly, Cloud Cast and her disappearance not one month ago. During Mr. Marshall’s encounter, he had been attacked and defeated two of his three kidnappers before, our own princess Luna arrived at the scene and dealt with the last criminal. “This is a great catch by our guard and will go a long way with making peace in our country. I’d like to personally thank Mr. Marshall myself, we wouldn’t have found these monsters as soon as we did if it weren’t for him”. Words from royal guard-‘

I stop reading, confused on the whole situation. “They were… kidnappers?”

“Yeah, turns out they didn’t just hate you because you were… well a human but, because you weren’t a pony! I did a little reading into the story and apparently they mainly kidnapped other races besides ponies”

“Yeah but, they were definitely gunning for me after I beat their dad up”

“Maybe, I won’t argue with you. Either way you’re the talk of the town. Some ponies are even calling you a hero”

“I don’t like the term hero”

“What?!” Pinkie chirps. “All kinds of ponies think you’re a hero! Specially some of my other species friends, they think you’re a god sent to protect all non-pony races”

“Some think you’re dangerous though after hearing what you did to those ponies”

“They were monsters and I was defending myself! If they think what I did was wrong they can suck my-“

“Yes yes, we know, we know. Do you mind continuing or would you like to stop?”

“I can keep going. So the mare is done for and my wrist and side are hurt real bad. Thankfully the adrenaline pushed me up the stairs where I ran into the son…” pausing I realize there’s a weird feeling inside of me.

Did I have to kill that stallion? I had to, it was me or him…

Surely I could’ve batted him away or told him to run off but, I didn’t. I was so enraged, lost in the moment I didn’t even think. I just saw his face and felt like he was a threat… that he needed to be neutralized. My stomach churns, it was the first sentient being I’ve ever killed.

“I killed him”

Clearly my feelings aren’t hidden as both Pinkie and Twilight start to comfort me.

“You had to Joey, it was for your safety”

“It’s okay, It was a scary moment and you’re here now so whatever you did must have been the right thing”

“I don’t know if I had to do it…”

“That isn’t for you to worry about Joey. That pony knew what he was doing was wrong and he knew the risks of kidnapping you”

“It just… it felt so wrong. Makes me sick just thinking about it”

“Joey” Pinkie squeezes my arm. “It’s okay”

“What happened to the dad? The older stallion?”

Twilight looks away with a dark expression, “Luna dealt with him…”

I shudder at the thought.

“It was… it really was too much. I don’t want to think about it or talk about it anymore”

“That’s fine” Twi reassures me. “Would you like it if I suggested a therapist for you? Somepony to talk about what happened?”

“No, I never felt like I’d solve my issues any faster with a therapist then I would with myself. Plus I got my own right here” I squeeze Pinkie against me causing her to squeak.

“Eep!”

“I think you really should Joey but, it’s your decision. If you change your mind here’s a reference card to the therapist the nurse suggested. Just come back here whenever you feel like you need to talk and show the front desk this card”

I take the little business card and place it next to me on the table. “Thanks for worrying about me”

“I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t now would I?”

“Got me there purple, got me there” I lay there in for a second before getting impatient. “When can I go home?”

Giggling Twi gets up and heads over to her bag on the couch, “After a day or two they said most of your injuries will be fine enough for you to leave but, they want to check your condition for the next 24 hours. They’ve never used healing magic on a human before so they really don’t know what to expect”

She reaches into the bag and pulls out a small leather journal, a white strip of paper stays locked in place on the cover. It reads, ‘Property of Joey Marshall’.

“Twilight I’m not a big diary guy”

“It doesn’t have to be a diary! It can be a journal of your events up to this point or… or a stress release!”

“Sounds like a diary”

“Sounds like my diary!” Pinkie can’t help but, join in.

“See? Sounds like her diary”

“Ugh, just take the journal Joey. Never say I don’t buy you gifts”

Laughing I place it on the table, using the business card as a bookmark. “Eh who knows, maybe I’ll write a story or something”

“That’s the spirit!”

Smiling I enjoy the rest of my time spent with Twilight until it reaches late at night. The day was over and it was time for me to get some rest.

“It’s so great to know you’re all okay though. I mean so many things could’ve gone wrong!”

“Yeah let’s knock on wood after that statement”

“Anyways I should get going… I’ve left Spike in charge of the library all day. I’m sure he’s exhausted”

“Thanks for giving me company Twi! Have a good night!”

“Nighty night!”

“Goodnight you two, and don’t get all frisky again in some other ponies bed. I never got to truly explain how awkward that was for me”

“We didn’t… ugh never mind. Tell Spike I said hello”

“Absolutely, see you two later!”

Waving her goodbye Pinkie tunes back to me and smirks. “You need a bath mister! You stink super duper pooper bad!”

“I fucking know right? They gotta let me go soon before I turn into mold or some shit”

Giggling she ruffles my hair, “Stinky colt!”

She hops down from my bedside and starts to hop around the room chanting ‘stinky colt’. Just sitting here watching her childlike behavior is relaxing, a feeling of normalcy on an otherwise hectic few days. Admiring her energy I start to laugh.

“What? What’s so funny?”

“You doofus! Your absurd”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am too!”

“A- yea you are”

“W-wha… that always works with everypony I try it on!”

I give her a wink, “I’m not a pony”

“You’re right!” She exclaims, hopping back up onto my bed. “You’re Joofus! Cuddler of ponies, giver of love” she pretends to be swooned, falling over onto me with a hoof draped over her head. “Oh how I’ve fallen into web that binds us together, you play the strings that are my emotions driving a mare to her basic instincts!”

“Wha… huh?”

She smooches my face quickly and snuggles against me still laying on her back. “Silly colt”

As I’m about to question the randomness of Pinkies sudden soliloquy when the nurse from earlier pushes into the room with a cart.

“Hello miss Pie, it’s about the time we give Joey his pain medication. It’ll make him very tired so I suggest you head home for tonight and let him rest”

“Can’t I stay here overnight? I mean he’s been all sleepy for a whole week! I didn’t even get to nap with him like I normally do!”

She seems unamused, “Miss Pie you’ve been staying here almost every night…”

“But… what do you think Joey?” She looks to me with puppy dog eyes.

How could I deny her, “Could you get her a blanket?”

Sighing the nurse nods before working to the side on her. Holding a couple pills out on her hoof she hands them to me to take. She offers a water which I down fully with a gasp along with the meds.

Once she confirms I’ve taken it she starts making her way with the cart back through the door.

“Hey nurse? The blanket?”

She stops and points over to a closet in the corner of the room. “There’s extra blankets and pillows in there”

“Thanks!”

“Uh huh” she hums, disappearing behind the door.

Like the medication I used to take at Twilights, the side affects come immediately. A drowsy haze clouds my head and my eyes become heavy.

“Hm, I’m kinda *yawn* tired already Pinkie. How about you grab a blanket and…” I close my eyes sinking deep into my bed.

Pinkie stays put, climbing under the sheets of my hospital bed. They’re stinky but, they smell like Joey and it makes her feel at ease.

Blinking I’m back inside that old farm house. With a glance around it’s clear I’m right in front of the entrance to the basement. I’m hit with a metal smell, it’s unsettling and strong. My socks start to feel a warm liquid leak around me, soaking into the cotton. It’s blood, and lots of it. I’m fact the entire floor beneath my feet is coated in it, a few drag lines reach around the corner of the room in a direction I’d never been before. It’s the opposite way from the front porch, a hallway leading deeper into the house. My hand feels cold, it wields a long stained crowbar. I drop it letting it fall into a painfully loud crash. The echo bounces down the darkened hallway toward the direction of the blood stains.

I would never under normal circumstances investigate but, my feet move on their own pulling me deeper into the house. Each step creaks under my weight, the years of ware not graceful on this house. With each step I reach closer to a closed white door at the end of the hall. Looking to the floor the bloodstains continue under, beyond the other side. Hesitant to open the door a noise from within makes my blood run cold. A breathless gurgle breaks the silence. I don’t want to go any further, I don’t want to continue.

Without touching the doorknob it begins to twist slowly until the door swings open into a black room. There’s nothing in its lifeless shape, a mist like appearance keeps me from seeing any deeper. My heart thuds, hands shaking in anticipation. Only the gurgles remain, they’re proximity shrinking by the second. The chills running across my body have me stuck in place unable to move. Now a dragging sound can be heard as the mysterious noise gets closer. My eyes search desperately for movement. Then silence…

…

Suddenly I’m sucked into the room by a horrifying collage of pony body parts. Limbs outstretching in various directions slimed in bodily fluids with eyes and ears misplaced across its body. It’s a pile of pony meat pulling me towards its rotten mess of a mouth. Teeth made of broken bone and a stench of decomposition become apparent once I draw near. A limb latched around my leg pulls me across the wet floor. Shouting I reach around the floor to grab something, anything to keep me away.

“Joey!” I’m back on the hospital bed, Pinkie shaking me with tears in her eyes.

I’m soaked in sweat and already sitting up. Confused I look around finally realizing it was all a nightmare.

“What’s wrong Joey? What happened?”

I’m embarrassed but more than that, relieved to be awake. “Bad dream”

“You were screaming”

“Common thing with humans. Sometimes we scream in our sleep”

“This isn’t the time for jokes and that’s coming from me”

“What should I say? I had a nightmare Pinkie, it sucked!” Growling at my stubbornness she playfully bites my arm. “Yowch that freakin hurt!”

“Stop being a stupid muffin head and tell me what happened!”

“Alright, alright… geez” I rub the spot she bit me gathering my thoughts on what to say. “I don’t really know how to describe what happened but, it was fucked up”

“Like spooky messed up or yucky messed up?”

“Like both…” I hate to admit it but, the pony’s death was still on my mind. I could still feel the crowbar in my hands, the blood splattered across my face and arms. It felt dirty. Disgusting. Like a stain you couldn’t wash off.

“What’s bothering you love?”

Her use of the name love softens me up some, enough to spill my worries. “I’m scared”

“I’d be scared too if I went through what you did, I don’t think that’s bad for you to feel that way”

“Pinkie you might not understand this but, from where I’m from we have certain cultures and beliefs that might seem absurd to you. Personally I would identify as a person of the catholic faith and with that there are certain things I shouldn’t ever do”

“There’s groups that worship the leaders of Equestria if that’s what you mean”

“No… more like I belief that there is an all creator, one who made everything and everyone. That’s what I believe and to kill someone is something I struggle to cope with because of my beliefs..”

“I don’t understand why believing in a creator would make.. killing any different” Just saying the word makes Pinkie squirm in discomfort.

“I’m afraid of what’s after death… would I be destined for hell? An eternity in damnation for my sins? Could I be forgiven? Can he even hear me still, am I forgotten?” I start to get a little shaken up. “I mean he left me here…”

Pinkie hugs me close, holding my head into her chest. “Everything will be fine Joey I’m sure”

“I hope so” my mind wanders a little. “Are you… do you think any different about me knowing what I’ve done?”

Her response is immediate, “No silly, I love you just the same” although I can’t see her face I can tell she’s sincere.

Minutes tick away into an hour, my mind still awake and ever lost in worries. Sleep is but a wishful thought to a troubled mind such as mine. At some point Pinkie had fallen asleep, likely tired from the past days of worrying about me. It made me sick thinking about the pain I’ve caused these ponies, a true disgust for myself. Then I remember what Celestia had told me, that I was to find peace with myself if I ever wished to fix my illness. Maybe she did have a plan and maybe it could’ve worked but, it’s become too late for such discussions. What’s done is done and in time perhaps I’ll forgive Celestia however, I will never forget what she has done.

With a deep sigh I reach over and grab the journal Twilight had left. I wasn’t going to be sleeping any time soon why not start on a story now? Dipping my quill I start off with a title, one that felt appropriate for my consistent failure to succeed.

I’m Trying

A notion for what is to come and for what has passed. A mindset to follow knowing that no matter what happens from this point on that I would give it my best for not just myself but, for the ponies around me. For Pinkie, Twilight, Luna, Dash, Flutters, Rarity, Aj, Spike. For small friends I’ve met along the way like Sweetie Bee. For the ice cream stallion, the one who’s life was stolen so soon. I could only repay him by making my life worth it, by trying. This was the least I could do.

Most of the night goes by in a blur, my hand becoming sore after a while of writing. I’d only gotten up to the point where I’d moved in with Pinkie but, that felt plenty enough for one night.

Then the next night is a blur, then the upcoming week would pass suddenly as well. It was most of my recovery leaving me to where I find myself now, back home next to the fire writing this very line. My beloved Pinkie lay next to me fast asleep and I can only think of my time here. Could I ever truly love myself? Has anyone ever? The whole question becomes a problem in it’s own which has led me to the decision to forget about it in the first place. As Celestia originally thought, the only way I could possibly find peace would be naturally so worrying about it wouldn’t do me any good. Closing the book I scratch Pinkie behind the ear as she sleeps, her hoof instinctively kicks in delight followed with a smile.

I’ll have to swallow my pride and admit she was right one day… let’s try and make it as far as possible before then shall we?

Chuckling to myself I kiss Pinkie on the forehead before picking her up and carrying her to bed. Pinkie truly has been there for me through good times and bad. Where would I be without her? Thinking about it I’ve come to realize I was rather ignorant before getting to know these girls.

I was stubborn, believing the use of pony as a grouping term for all was stupid and xenophobic. I simply waved it off as the ponies seeing themselves as the higher race, individuals with the right of power. Hell the world leaders are ponies themselves, I had all the reason to think that way. Yet as I sit here now I realize they didn’t call me a pony because it was the correct terminology, they didn’t call me pony because they think everyone should use pony linguistics. They called me pony because they saw me as one of them before I saw myself as one of them. I’d outcasted myself. This goes back to finding peace with who I am.

I never thought of the importance of loving yourself. The importance of loving others, forgiving others, helping others. I’d never been willing to change the way I was, stubborn and foolish. Things would stay the same and I would stay miserable. If I had a takeaway from this whole experience it would be to try your best and do it with a smile cause if you can’t smile when everything is good, then what’ll you do when everything ain’t? I surely haven’t been enjoying the moments of peace when I have them but, it’s never to late to change.

Let’s be honest, I’m still a terrible excuse of a person. Filled with flaws, doubts, and issues failing miserably to better myself. Thankfully I’m not alone. I’m not an outcast. As long as I have somebody… somepony, I’ll find a way.

18 One Weird Wedding

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It was a bright day in Ponyville, the suns shine basking each pony under its reign with a mild heat. With mild gusts coming to and fro, it was the perfect day for a picnic. Heading closer into the town, the whole gang found themselves camped outside of golden oak library, Twilights home. Fluttershy, Rarity, and Aj all shared equal looks of worry while Pinkie and Spike had gone full blown panic. Meanwhile Dash and I stuck to the side calm and collected, knowing this was nothing of worry.

Spike paced back and forth in front the door while Twilight resided inside reading an important letter from princess Celestia.

“It’s probably just another test… yep just another test! Twilight will be fine, she’s always prepared for everything!”

Nodding in agreement beside him Pinkie watched with hooves over her head, body flat against the ground.

“This is ridiculous Dash. Why do we need to be here again? We had a whole day planned out to laze around!”

“I know right? I mean how am I supposed to be in tip top shape for the wonderbolts without using my rest days!”

“For real though, why are we here again?”

Three months had passed since my kidnapping with not much changing for me and the girls. There were some changes with Pinkie though, recently I’d convinced her to charge for her parties. It took a lot of prodding… and I mean a lot. After explaining that she would have more free time if she charged for her parties instead of working extra hours at Sugar Cube Corner, it seemed both economically and self beneficial for her to make the move. She’s the best party thrower in Equestria for Pete sake, it would only make sense she charges even a little for each event, especially to cover costs. Now given her new income, she only works for the Cakes on occasion, making most of her money elsewhere.

Another small change would be my effort in hanging out with all the girls. With all of those crazy events going on I’d realized I wasn’t spending enough time with most my friends! Dash becoming the most egregious given the fact she was the first pony I really got to know. In a way that’s how we find ourselves here.

We’d planned to hangout more often and today wasn’t an exception until Spike suddenly came dashing out of nowhere saying we needed to come to the library fast, so here we are.

Spike rushes over to me grabbing my shirt in his fist, “If Celestia has a test for Twilight, it’s likely she’ll need our help! That’s why I went and got you all”

“Listen sugar cube, wouldn’t it make sense for Twi to ‘test’ alone? Last I reckon, gettin help on a test was cheatin”

“Yeah!” Dash exclaims, “Twilights like the smartest pony I know! Why does she need our help with a test?”

“No you all aren’t getting it. Celestia only tests Twilight when something important happens. Like when Nightmare Moon returned!”

“I um… I guess that means she um would need our help if that’s the case”

I look over to the still steamy Dash, “Look if Spikes right we probably should be here… well y’all should. I’m no element”

Pinkie leaps up over to me with her hair more frizzled then normal, “But what if we need your help solving Twilight’s test or what if I need you or what if we leaveyoubehindandsomethinghappensIcouldntpossiblyliveknowingweleftyouif- “

I pinch her mouth shut, “Alright geez… I wouldn’t actually stay home…”

“Course you wouldn’t silly! Otherwise you’d miss out on all the fun!”

Silence fills the air once more. Crossing my arms I tap my foot impatiently. “This is stupid. Why are we all waiting here like it’s some sort of big reveal? Can’t she just read the letter in front of us?”

“It’s what she does… I don’t really get it either” Even Spike seems to calm down after giving the situation thought.

During that moment the entrance to the library opens up revealing a stunned looking Twilight, letter still floating in her magic. She stands to the side with a thousand yard stare while Spike snatches up the letter into his stubby grasp. As he scans down the page his eyes widen.

“My brothers getting married!” Twilight suddenly shouts, scaring the shit out of us all. “To some Princess Mi Amore Cadenza!”

“Cade- wait what?”

Twilight levitates herself eye level with me grabbing my collar, “MY BROTHERS GETTING MARRIED TO A PONY I DON’T EVEN KNOW AND HE NEVER TOLD ME!!”

She falls down pacing in front of the girls. Confused I grab the letter from Spike. After reading it I’m able to get a little understanding of the situation.

First, Twilight and her friends have been invited to the wedding on short notice. Second, apparently this ‘Mi Amore’ was already labeled a princess and was another alicorn nobody thought to tell me. Third, the girls and Twilight are the overseers of the wedding.

Turning my focus back to the others, the group now had surrounded Twi in an attempt to calm her. It didn’t look like it was working.

I break the huddle, “So we’re going to a wedding?”

At once each of the girls perks up, speaking at the same time.

“Oh my this is a perfect opportunity for me to show off some of my new wonderful styles! Twi I have just the best new laven-”

“Shoot I haven’t been to a weddin since my family in-“

“A wedding?! Just so you know Rarity I’m not wearing another one of those glittery dresses like you made last time, at least put some racing st- “

“In Canterlot? Oh that means I can see all the beautiful birds in palace garden, I didn’t ge- “

“Should I bring my party cannon? Maybe I should bring two… hm Joey what do you think?”

With each voice raising in volume the centerpiece of this seems to get progressively redder in anger before exploding with a yell.

“EVERYPONY STOP TALKING!” Immediately everyone turns their attention back to Twi. With a few large exhales she continues, “Sorry… this is just… this is a lot to take in I mean my B.B.B.F.F. is getting married and we need to be ready in less than three days!”

“I don’t get it Twi, why are you so stressed out?”

“Because Shining never told me about any of this! It’s so sudden and out of the blue! Who knows what this mare has planned for my brother”

Spike closes the gap and gives Twi a hug, “I’m sure it’ll be fine Twilight. I think your getting all worked up for nothing”

We all look to each other nodding in agreement.

“But how come he never told me! He never said anything about the two of them at all… how come he didn’t tell me”

“Yeah that is kinda messed up when you think about it…” I give Dash a hard glare. “What?”

“Well if it makes anypony else feel any better, the letters says y’all are hosting the wedding”

“Say what sugar?”

I reread the letter to the group, “Applejack is in charge of catering, Pinkie hosting, Fluttershy music, Rainbow… needs to do a ‘sonic rainboom’?”

“Only the coolest thing you’ve ever seen. Haven’t I showed you before? Want me to now? I can do it now!”

“ -Rarity the dresses, Me and Spike the bachelor party, and Twilight the overseer of everything”

Everpony starts to chirp in excitement, letting their eagerness get in the way of remembering Twilights worry. She wonders off from the group and sits on a bench near the front of the library alone. With a deep sigh I hand Spike the letter and walk over, knowing all too well I have to give another pep talk.

Why is it always me huh? I feel like the group therapist by this point!

I take a seat next to the deflated mare, her ears flat against her skull. She’s doesn’t pull her attention away from the ground. The air is tense and there’s an awkwardness that’s been between the two of us now remerging. Ever since I kissed her in the hospital we haven’t spoke about the whole dating thing since. Personally I didn’t want to bring it up if it still bothered her so I’ve awaited her move.

“Nice weather huh?” She doesn’t budge. “*sigh* Sometimes life happens Twi and it’s unexpected. Your brother probably wanted to tell you but got caught up or something. You shouldn’t assume it’s because he forgot about you… I mean didn’t you say he was your bff?”

“Bbbff” she grumbles. “I don’t get it. Surely he had time to tell me about this…”

“Maybe he tried and his letter got mixed up”

She looks back to her friends watching them bounce in excitement at the news. “Or maybe he just forgot about me…. I haven’t exactly been the best at keeping in touch either”

I wrap an arm around Twi, “I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing”

“Heh, you’re one to talk”

“Ha! Yeah I guess you’re right… but, I can laugh now and agree with you I was worrying for nothing right?”

“..I guess” she hesitantly responds.

“I guess?” I stand up speaking much louder this time, “I guess we all should enjoy today! I mean it’s not often you get a such nice weather and since we’re all together already let’s do something!” I’m a little out of my comfort zone being the group leader but, it’s for Twilight sake.

“Yeah! We can go hang out by the lake like we planned already!”

“Yeah! What do y’all think?”

The girls take turns shouting their agreement before we all turn to face Twilight. Aj takes a few steps over to brush against her, “Whadya say partner?”

“Ugh alright… it couldn’t hurt to take a relax day”

Spike runs up and puts his elbow against Twi with a wink, “That’s the spirit!”

And so we went to the very same lake me and Dash had originally planned to hangout at. It was a nice quiet little spot surrounded somewhat close to the Everfree. There even was a tire swing near the water on the single tree that stood nearby.

Decent in size and small in depth, the deepest part being 12 feet, I’d say the lake was more closely related to a pond. The only thing keeping me from calling it that is the water, it’s blue shade finds similarity to that of an ocean. Truthfully it looked cartoonish when seeing how blue it is and when looking underwater there’s even spots where the bottom fades away! Just more confusion to an already mysterious world.

Ignoring the strange lake we all found our places. Dash floating on a raft with her sunglasses sunbathing. Aj sleeping with her hat over her face against the tree. Fluttershy, Rarity, and Spike enjoying a picnic. Twilight reading a book in the shade. Pinkie swinging on the tire swing, her torso sticking through the middle as she hung upside down. Then lastly there was me, attempting to get any tan whatsoever on my pale skin. By now I felt kinda hot even with the breeze, a sweat formed over my skin.

Although I was showing a lot of skin for normal and most of the girls had ever seen me this bare before, the amount of attention I got was little to none. It wasn’t happenstance either, I could tell they knew I’d be uncomfortable and settled for ignoring it. With friends like these how could I not succeed in bettering myself? They’ve been there whenever I needed a pick me up, always filling me with positive vibes. I was spoiled.

Peaking an eye open to look over my body, I was still rather pale of course. That wasn’t the most noticeable thing however, let’s not forget about my huge ass lightning scar. I lift my arm to examine the trail. It’s pattern shoots violently across the skin making it clear the exact location it traveled through me. I can only shudder at the memory. Placing my hand on my neck just above the collar, I can still feel the change in skin texture where I’d been strangled. Laying here breathing feels like a miracle at this point. Let’s also not forget about the scars along my arms from when I had previously cut myself. Still something I’m not proud about but, looking at them now it’s definitely a reminder of how far I’ve come.

Closing my eyes I flip over to tan my back half, my head resting in my crossed arms. The light scuffle of hoof steps on grass approach me while I lay. It’s probably Pinkie.

“Psst Joey?” The sudden whispery voice directly in my ear shoots me up.

“Pinkie!”

“Yes?” She stands there innocently.

“….”

Looking around to see how close everypony is Pinkie leans towards me and speaks in a low voice, “Wanna help push me high enough so I can splash Dashy?”

With a quick glance to the relaxing Dash it feels a little too wrong in the moment… but think about all those times she messed with me. Like the time she lied and said it was my birthday at a restaurant so they sang me happy birthday or the time where she had the mail mare deliver me a bunch of sex toys I needed to sign for. The last one was NOT okay… it took almost a whole week to convince Derpy it was a prank!

“Sure” I say with a devilish grin.

“Yippee this is gonna be so much fun!” She hops back on the swing holding the sides in preparation. “Alrighty push me! Push me, push me, push me- “

“Hold on! I gotta get over there first miss impatient”

“Well if you weren’t such a slow pony I wouldn’t have to wait so long! Now let’s go!”

Her ridiculous behavior makes me smile while I get behind and start pushing her. After maybe 5 swings she really starts to get going. Honestly she could get a good splash from this speed now.

“More! More speed!”

“You’re *grunt* already good”

“This needs to be a splash she remembers! How else will I make the pony Olympic swim team if I can’t get a ten!?”

“Pinkie you don’t *grunt* even have a swim team”

With my final push Pinkie launches off the swing flying high into the air. Comically high. I mean there’s no way she could’ve possibly gotten that high off the momentum alone. At her apex she does a flip revealing her body now covered in a one piece swimming suit. I know by now it’s pointless to even ask how she did it.

With a sharp zip Pinkie torpedos down right beside Dash’s float causing a huge splash into the water. The proximity of the wave flips Dash instantly causing her to shout in surprise, her sunglasses flying into the air away from her.

As Dash splashes into the water, Pinkie reemerges to the surface spitting a large amount of water from her mouth. “TADA!”

Twi, Rare, Spike and Shy clap in amusement while I give a long whistle. “Way to go Pink! Next stop the Olympics!” Her bright smile warms my heart. It’s wonderful to see her having so much fun.

Next Dash appears from below with her mane covering her eyes. “PINKIE! JOEY! You two made me lose my sunglasses! Why can’t you two act like a normal couple!”

“We are a normal couple” I say with a grin. “Pinkie balances on the edge of insanity and I encourage it!”

“That’s not- you made me lose my sunglasses!” She shouts loud enough to life her mane off her head some.

“Settle down, I’ll buy you another pair”

“You better! Those were my favorite pair!”

“Favorite pair? I’ve only seen you wear one type of sunglasses… how many of the same type do you got?”

In a flash I’m pushed into the water from behind by a rainbow blur. Her movement is to fast for me to register. All I’m able to get out is an oof before I fall face first into the water. Cold water rushes around me cooling my sweaty body. It’s relieving in a sense. A pair of hooves pull me up to the surface.

“Oh my gosh Joey! Can you swim?”

“*spit* … yeah I can swim… you don’t need to hold me”

“Oh… I just thought maybe you couldn’t swim so when Dashy pushed you in I got worried so I rushed over but now thinking about it your pretty tall and this lake is pretty shallow so maybe I was being a little too worried unless you’re allergic to water cause if you’re- “

“Pinkie I’m fine” I place a hand on her head and give a pat to calm her.

“Okie dokie!” She yells.

Diving back under the water Pinkie disappears from sight. I keep my focus looking for where she’d pop up until a still angry Dash waddled over to me.

“I expect some new shades by the end of the week!”

I retaliate by splashing her with a laugh. “Sure I’ll get right on it”

She tackles me back into the water, we wrestle for dominance both taking turns splashing and roughing each other up. It doesn’t take long for Dash to cheer up, enjoying having another pony beside Aj to compete with every once in a while.

Taking some time to enjoy the water I eventually start to feel a little burnt from all the sun I was getting. Making sure to dry off I put a shirt back on and head over to the shade where Pinkie, Twilight, Shy and Spike were playing a card game. Meanwhile Rarity had moved over to the one tanning chair sometime during me and Dash’s scuffle. Also Aj replaces me after waking from her nap, making sure to keep Dash from getting to big a ego. Think of Aj as my substitution after the ass whoopin Dash put on me. Surely I tired her out enough to make any competition against Dash a breeze for the cowpony.

“Yo” I wave to the ponies in the shade, sitting down between Shy and Pinkie. “What are y’all playing?”

“Go fish!” Pinkie answers, her bathing suit still on including some floats and goggles on her head as well.

“Yeah and Twilights gonna win… again” Spike grumbles.

“Hey it’s not my fault all of you sell your hands so poorly! I’m just using reasonable deduction to determine the best possible action for each turn” she sits there with a smug expression. “Spike.. do you have a four?”

He hands over the last card he has with a pout while Twilight stacks another set to her score. Chuckling I start to pull Pinkies floats off and goggles off. Setting them to the side when I turn back she sits there expecting me to continue.

“What?”

“You can’t just stop stripping me right there! You didn’t even take my bathing suit off for me!”

I blush, “First off I’m not you parent and can you not see how that’s wrong?”

She tilts he head sideways, “How come? I’m always naked anyways!”

I look to the others to see if they agree with me. Twilight and Spike shrug their shoulders. Shy looks away bashfully.

“See? Shy thinks it’s awkward! Plus why are you even wearing that?”

“Cause I went swimming, duh!”

“But-“

“No buts mister! A swimming suit is for swimming and that’s final!”

I wasn’t going to argue on why it’s a swimming suit…

Sighing I sit back down and switch between watching Pinkies and Shy’s hands. With each turn their decks grow smaller, almost like Twilight could see through the back of their cards.

“Oh my” is the only thing Shy can say, giving her last card to Twilight. “You’re really good Twilight”

“Yeah… a really good cheater!” Pinkie shouts.

“Come on Pinkie, everypony knew she had a 8. She kept asking if anypony had one for the last two turns”

Pinkie squinted her eyes, “Sounds like something… A CHEATER WOULD SAY!” She points with accusation.

“Pinkie” I say while playing with her mane. “She’s clearly just good at the game”

“What?!? Not you too! She’s got all of you under her spell! Uh no! What do I do?!”

“You can start by giving me your seven” Twi smirks. It’s Pinkies last card.

Aghast, she hands the card over before falling backwards with a poof. Her head rests between my stretched out legs. I pull her close so she laid on my lap, my hands play through her mane some more. Slowly she closes her eyes enjoying the feeling of my hands scratching her scalp.

“So how are you feeling now purple?”

Her smile shrinks a little, still strong across her face. “I wouldn’t have minded a warning from Shining but… I’m sure he had his reasoning”

I smile and nod in agreement, “I bet he did. Given the expectations you have of him, he must be a great brother”

“Yeah” her voice quiets some, “He really is”. She takes a moment to put the cards down and ponder something, then turns her attention back to me. “Did you have any siblings back home?”

This seems to perk everyponys ears up. The silence becomes more noticeable once the sounds of Dash and Aj swimming become more apparent. A long drawn pause is finally interrupted by myself.

“I don’t want to talk about Earth”

Shy puts a hoof on my shoulder, “That’s okay, I’m sure we all have things we don’t want to talk about”

“Yeah…” I lightly nod.

“I don’t like to talk about rocks!” We all give blank stares to Pinkies outburst.

“Anyways what’s the plan for the wedding Twi? We gotta head there a day early to prepare or?”

“Actually yes. Tomorrow I suggest you and Pinkie prepare and I’ll make sure to check on you at some point to see how everything is coming along”

“What about apparel? I don’t have anything that’s wedding worthy, especially royal wedding worthy”

“Leave that to me dear, it was my job in the letter if you do remember” The sudden voice behind me makes me jump some. “Sorry if I startled you” Rarity giggles.

“No no… it’s fine. I’m used to surprises” I give a quick look to Pinkie and see she’s not laying in my lap anymore. She’s not even paying attention, instead she’s writing on a notepad. “Um Pinkie? Whatcha writing?”

“Oh I’m making a list for the party!”

“You do realize it’s a wedding right?”

She nods, furiously writing with her tongue sticking out to the side. I lean over to see what she has so far. Drawings…. several crude, childlike drawings of party cannons, ponies and… hey that’s me! I turn back to the others and notice they’ve started a conversation of their own. Something about Twilight’s dress, I don’t know it’s yucky girly talk.

“That list looks a little fishy if you ask me”

She stops to give me a offended look, “What!? This is an amazing list! I even have my secret punch ingredient on here!”

“What’s your secret ingredient?”

She whispers, “A secret”

Frowning I boop her nose causing her to fall over on her back. “Trouble maker”

“Joofus!”

We share a giggle and I lean back taking one of the pillows Shy brought to rest my head. With the light breeze, the summer air, and my pony friends all around me it’s the perfect conditions to relax. Once I close my eyes a few seconds go by til I feel a pony sized shape lean against me. Peaking its Pinkie still drawing on her notepad, using me as a pillow. Closing my one open eye I slow my breathing to long drawn out breaths, something my pony therapist told me to do when I want to relax. Yes you read that write, I took Twilight’s advice.

Turns out the pony was a stallion named Social Hay, kinda comical compared to most ponies. Even he admitted it when I first met him. That’s beside the point, I met the stallion and agreed to keep meeting after our first conversation. We didn’t talk about much… actually I didn’t talk about any of my issues rather we spent the first session getting to know each other. I felt way more comfortable as time went on and was curious to how our sessions would change. Now we have planned for meeting once a month where I would explain how everything was going and he’d weigh in his two cents.

Twilight was really proud of me when I gave her the news. She couldn’t hide her happiness to seeing me grow from the person I was when I arrived. Beside Twi, Pinkie was incredibly supportive too, even walking me there when she can. I think the rest of the girls didn’t find out til much later but, they never made a fuss about it so who knows.

Using one of the few things we covered, taking long exaggerated inhales and exhales is apparently a great way to wind down. It doesn’t take long before I slip away, even with my collar on.

My nostrils are immediately assaulted by various strange smells, the most potent vanilla. When my vision clears I become aware of the surroundings. A candy wonderland like something out of Willy Wonka. Candy cane trees, gum drop rocks, a fruit punch river and most noticeable of all, a large vanilla ice cream mountain towering over the sugary land. My brain seizes to function for a moment unsure of what’s happened. Surely this is a dream.

“Tis a wonderful dream indeed!”

I spin to the approaching voice, Luna’s wings flap against her sides slowing her descent. “Did you just…?”

“Read your mind? No, such a feat is almost impossible to preform, let alone on an individual I’m not in physical contact with”

“Seems like you still can”

“Perhaps…” she doesn’t hold the mysterious act long, succumbing into a fit of giggles. “What brings us to such imaginary landscapes such as these” she motions her wing over the fast candy land.

“I guess I fell asleep… that and being with Pinkie for so long kinda rubs off on ya”

“Indeed it must…” she pushes a hoof against a nearby gumdrop.

Admiring the view that is princess Luna, she currently stands before me in her normal pony form or what I like to call little LuLu. She’s a small as a normal pony and her coat a light purple instead of her usual dark blue. It’s her most adorable look.

“Do we have something on our face?”

“No, just enjoying you Lu”

Stepping forward she brushes herself against my side, “Such a sweet talker to even a mare of my age”

Smiling I scratch her head for a moment, “You know I can’t help myself”

“Then by all means continue to work those wonderful hands of yours… ooh a little to the left” her eyes close and she leans further into my touch.

It’s tough not to blush at the level of enjoyment she gets out of this but, I continue nonetheless. “What brings you into boring old me’s dreams? Lonely?”

“Hmm… yes we are as the young ponies say, ‘down’ for any time with others. You mustn’t judge me, it was a millennia I had spent upon the moon by myself”

Sitting down she lays her head on my lap as we keep talking, “Trust me I’m not judging. What you went through would’ve brought me to insanity”

“Technically we did go on a crazy rampage with our return…”

“And technically it was understandable”

“No” she shakes her head in disagreement. “What we- I did was unacceptable. I had not only failed my fellow ponies but, I had failed my sister, making her only choice to banish me to the moon”

“Certainly that wasn’t the only choice”

“Would you’ve preferred she let me win? An eternal night of perpetual darkness?”

“I would’ve preferred she treated you like a sister… and me like an adult”

Opening her eyes Luna flips over staring toward me, “Is thou still too bothered to talk with her? She truly is sorry for what transpired”

“I’m sure she is” I say sarcastically.

She sighs closing her eyes once more, “If thou wished to be treated like an adult perhaps acting like one would be the wisest first step”

This makes me grump but I keep my cool for Luna’s sake, “She created more problems with what she did. I was paranoid as fuck and beginning to think I was crazy the longer things went on”

“I cannot speak for my sister’s decision however, I can inform you she feels awful for what she’s done”

We lay in silence, my hands still working circles against Luna’s scalp. The smile on her resting face tells me all I need to know. Her blackberry scent runs through my nostrils filling me with security. She’s the one pony I can feel actually safe around. That’s no offense to any other pony but given Luna’s experience, power, background, and knowledge she’s the most fitted for protecting a fool like myself.

“I really do admire you ya know”

“Do tell, in what way?”

“Well there’s the fact you’ve been trying to fix your speaking even though nopony said you needed too”

“That is nothing to admire, I simply wished to seem more relatable with modern ponies”

“Okay what about your ability to forgive your sister so quickly? Even after she banished you to the moon”

“Again we were in the wrong and forced her hoof. I can’t imagine the pain she went through after having done that to one of her own family”

“You really are amazing”

Blushing she shoots up from her laying position, “Why all this sudden praise?”

“Because you deserve it? I mean everypony needs somepony to tell them how great they are every once in a while. Specially a great pony like yourself!”

“We are not great! There is much I still have to learn!”

“Yeah but, you stand there and admit you’re not perfect and you try to be better. All I look for in a pers- pony is effort”

“Well then we must seem okay”

“Try amazing”

“Ugh, you simply think too highly of me”

I laugh and hug her against me, “I have to until you realize how great you are!”

“Very hypocritical coming from thou…”

“I think that’s the second time already today somepony called me that”

Giggling she stands up from her spot and picks a lollipop flower from the ground. Placing it into her mouth comes back and sits down with me with a smile.

“You should dream of locations like this more often. It would be much more beneficial then the nightmares you so often imagine”

“Gee why didn’t I think of that?”

“Then stop worrying about the past”

For only a flash second I’m back to the inside of that shack, the blood dripping crowbar clenched in my hand. The lifeless corpse twitching near my feet. I snap back to Luna with a spike of anxiety, I hide it with a smile.

“Hey… I never did thank you for saving my life. I mean. I wouldn’t be here right now if you hadn’t found me so quickly so…. Thanks”

Taking the lollipop out her mouth she gives me a small smile, “The least we could do for a friend as caring as you”

“I’m not that special”

“You are our best friend. That makes thou special to us”

“Stop it, there’s no way I’m your ‘best’ friend”

“Could you name the friends I do have?”

“Yea um… Celestia, the girls…me”

“And?”

“If there’s any more I don’t know them”

“Face it, thou are our best friend. The only pony caring enough to befriend the scariest pony in Equestria”

“I’m not the only pony, you have other friends”

“But you were my first”

That could be taken out of context

“No the girls reformed you and all that shit before I was here!”

“Reformed, not befriended. They never became close with us until your arrival. Even now I do not know much about the element bearers”

“Still not a good friend I mean the only time we meet is when I’m sleeping! I never even come meet you in person”

“There is no need. We only seek your company and if the means of communication require the dreamscape then we shall meet this way”

“Can’t you teleport to my home sometimes? We could meet that way or you could teleport me if that’s better”

“We are usually asleep during the day hours making the dreamscape most convenient for the both of us”

“I couldn’t possibly ask you to avoiding sleeping just to hang out”

“Then how about finding time with us at the upcoming wedding? Surely you are arriving with Twilight and the others. We can meet before or after”

My eyes widen at her idea, “That’s a great idea! Okay let’s meet before and after, how’s that?”

“Splendid! We can’t wait to enjoy your company in person once more!” She cheerfully responds.

“But didn’t you just say that the dream- “

“I was trying to make you not worry. Of course meeting face to face is better!”

“I fuckin knew it!”

Our conversation goes on for sometime as we enjoy the absurdity that is my dream. Eventually Luna is pressed for time given my awakening and we share our goodbyes. Stirring awake I realize Pinkie was now completely sprawled across my chest asleep. To my left lay a sleeping Twilight as well… and a sleeping Dash upside down on my pillow. Actually the whole group lay asleep around me leaving nopony but the previously slept Aj awake beside me. She tilts her hat my way to make me aware of her consciousness.

I mouth the word ‘hi’ and she motions that she’s heading out. I give her an ‘ok’ and a wave goodbye, trying my best not to move for the slumbering ponies around me. Aj has to put a hoof to her mouth to silence the laugh at the sight of me. Then she turns and heads off back towards Ponyville. Sadly for Aj, Sweet Apple Acres is across the town from where we are so her walk is going to be a long one.

Shifting slightly for comfort I set myself in the perfect position to enjoy the sky above. The midday sun finds itself scorching the area around us, our spot a safe heaven in the tree’s shade. Wind batters my lengthy bangs around annoying me quite some bit. I’m in need of another haircut… a beard trim as well. It would be best to try and look presentable during the wedding even if I don’t have to. Think of it as my own personal agenda, a goal to better myself.

A strand of hair blows into my eye making me blink in frustration. I lift the arm resting on Pinkie to relive my struggle but the sudden lack of warmth draws movement from the pinkster. She stretches and releases a large yawn, opening her eyes to meet mine.

She goes to talk but I’m quick to react, placing a finger to her lips with a shush. Pointing a circle around me she looks for herself to see everypony including Spike napping peacefully under the oaks protection. Smiling she hugs me around the neck peppering my neck with kisses causing me to squirm. Her assault is much too ticklish for my blood making me shift to pull her away and pin her beneath me.

“That’s wasn’t cool” I whisper.

“I know” she giggles, “It was funny” her voice getting a little too loud. Even her whisper had no silent mode. “Hey I have a really fun idea! We shoul- “

I silence Pinkie with a kiss. Her eyes close in enjoyment and she relaxes under my hold. When I pull away I can see a faint blush through her pink coat. She always was the toughest to tell when she’d get embarrassed. Whether it be from the color of her coat or her ability to not care, I could only get a noticeable blush from her during intimate moments. I hadn’t pulled away too far, our noses still brushing. Without avoiding her look she can’t help but blush deeper, now a haze across the entirety of her face. She breaks the stare looking to the side.

“I win” I whisper before getting off her triumphantly.

Not only did I quiet her down for the others but I knew she would take any deceleration of victory seriously even if there was no apparent challenge. Her ears point up straight realizing what I’ve said making her turn to me with a pouting face.

Chuckling I notice the distinct lack of Rainbow Dash laying on the pillow. With a slow turn I notice she’s to the side with two hooves over her mouth. A vibrant red painted on her face. Now it was my turn to be embarrassed.

“H-hey Dash, hehe… didn’t see ya there” I scratch the back of my neck.

“You two need to get a room!” Her whisper voice is almost as bad as Pinkies, waking another pony up from their nap.

Twilight sits up next rubbing her eyes with a foreleg. “Hmm? What’s going on?”

“These two were fuckin smooching right in front of me! It was like super gross!” Twilight furrows her brow at Dash’s vocabulary.

“This true?” She asks with seemingly little care.

“W-well I didn’t want Pinkie to- “

“Yup it sure is! Joey’s actually a big perv and he can’t keep his- “

I pinch her side to make her stop from making things any worse. “That’s not true, Pinkie was- “

“It’s totally true! I saw you tackle her down and get all icky”

Twi raises an eyebrow in my direction.

“Okay I did kiss Pinkie I’m not denying that but- “

“It was super sudden! I was gonna tell him this fun idea I had but I totally forgot it when he kissed me”

“I uh…” things were looking bad.

“Joey can you keep to yourself when you’re with us? It’s kinda awkward for us all if you understand what I mean”

“But- “

“Yeah dude, keep your pants on”

“Keep your pants on silly! Nopony wants to know what we do behind closed doors!” She giggles while smacking her hooves together.

Dash can only suppress a gag while Twilight gave her best ick face.

“Pinkie you’re gonna kill me” I say under my breath with both hands over my face.

She seems to realize she’s gone a little too far and try’s to redeem herself. “Cmon girls, it’s not like we were fooling around! It was just a kiss” she rushes over giving Dash a peck on the cheek.

“Hey!” She blushes up at the touch.

Twilight can’t hide her laughter causing the rest of the girls and Spike to wake up as well. Everypony stirs awake to find a red faced Dash, a downtrodden Joey, a chipper Pinkie and a laughing Twilight. To say the scenery wasn’t strange to wake to would be dismissive.

We all joke and talk some for a little longer before Rarity and Fluttershy have to head off. Then Twilight and Spike follow having to prepare for the upcoming wedding. It leaves just me, Dash, and Pinkie. A strange trio indeed. Walking we make our way back to my house, Dash flying with us for now until she feels the desire to fly home.

“And your summer home just floats around? Like anywhere?”

“Of course it doesn’t! I wouldn’t be stupid enough to let it just float away. I pack the heaviest clouds I can find around Ponyville and I stick em under the house. It makes it stay put for a few days at least until the bottom clouds rain out”

“I still doesn’t make sense, they’re clouds. How could they ‘stick’ together? It’s not like they’re Cotten candy. They’re a mist! Water vapor!”

“Haven’t you ever stood on a cloud before?”

“Oh yeah your right! I totally forget how I used to have wings and flew around. Of course I’ve never stood on a cloud before!”

“Do you want to?” Initiate fear of heights.

“NO, absolutely not!”

“Aw how come? I’m sure Dash wouldn’t let you fall” Pinkie bounces with each step on my side, way too optimistic about the whole situation.

“I’m not trying to die today”

“I wouldn’t let you fall, I pinkie promise” she holds out a hoof.

We stop our walking in hesitation of the next move. “No, I don’t like heights and that’s a fucking height”

“I thought it was a cloud”

We continue walking again ignoring Pinkies antics. “Never took you for a chicken”

“Chicken, coward, baby. Call me whatever so long as I’m on solid ground”

“Ugh how about this. If you let me take you onto a cloud, I’ll forget about the sunglasses you owe me”

It’s a tempting deal but, I’m still not persuaded enough. “Nah, I’ll stick with buying you new shades thank you very much!”

“How did you fall in love with such a party pooper Pinkie?”

“Opposites attract!”

I frown at the verbal abuse. In response I stick my tongue out at them both with a poop noise. “Y’all bullies”

“Pfft, yeah right! In fact when I was in school I used to stick up against the bullies! Ask Fluttershy, I raced these two ponies that were bullying her when we were in filly school”

“I forgot you two went to school together. Kinda crazy how you and Shy were friends before the elements”

Pinkie tilts her head in confusion, stopping her bouncing to ask a question. “What do you mean? We were all friends before element bearers you know? Actually the newest friend of us all before you was Twilight”

“Yeah, she came to town to make sure the summer sun celebration went well in Ponyville. That’s when we all met her and princess Luna came back all evil and shit”

For some reason I feel the need to clarify it wasn’t Luna, “Nightmare Moon”

“Yea yea, same thing”

Angrily I want to say more but I withhold myself. “So what are you gonna do to prepare huh? A couple stretches? Maybe sleep the whole day before? Must be really tough having to do just one thing”

“Oh yeah? And what are YOU gonna do? Walk around like a scared little puppy cause you can’t handle crowds?” and all bets are off.

“Dash!” Pinkie shouts in disbelief.

“What?! He started it!”

“Fuck off, you were talking shit about Luna and it wasn’t cool”

“Talking shit? I was simply saying the truth!”

“Judging someone because of one mistake is ignorant and stupid!” I stop just in front of my house leaving a worried looking Pinkie between us.

“She’s kind of crazy, if we- “

“She’s not crazy”

“Um… she kinda tried to take over Equestria if you forgot”

“Dash everyone has flaws alright? You don’t think I’m crazy too do you?”

“Of course not dude but, you never tried to take over Equestria!”

“I fucking killed a pony” instantly the mood seems to change. I can feel the tension, a huge pit growing in my stomach. “Nightmare Moon never went that far…”

“Joey you were defending yourself!” Pinkie rushes over to hug my arm. “You didn’t have a choice!”

Dash seemed taken aback, unsure what to say. “I… I’m going home”

With that she flew off into the distance leaving the two of us alone. “Probably thinks I’m a freak”

She starts to usher me into the house with urgency, “No she probably left because she felt bad for making you uncomfortable. Dashie wouldn’t think of you like that”

Thinking over Pinkies words I realize I’m exactly what I hate. One of those people who you have to walk on egg shells around just to get along. I don’t want that, I don’t want to be that guy.

“Sorry Pinkie for ruining things” I somberly say. “I don’t know why I can’t act normal” I head over and lay sprawled across the couch.

Gingerly Pinkie walks over and takes a seat next to the couch right where my head lays. “Who wants to be normal? That sounds really boring”

“Normal isn’t the right word I guess…”

“I think you’re perfect just the way you are!”

I wrap her up and lay her atop of me with a hug, “Of course you do you dolt. You wouldn’t know a monster from a pony if he was holding you in his arms”

“Hey! I’m less of a dummy then you!”

“Less ugly too”

She giggles running a hoof over my scars, “Silly colt, I think you’re handsome!”

“Ha, I look like I ran a mile through thorn bushes then fell down a mountain into a glass factory!”

We both share a laugh until Pinkie gives me a payback kiss for earlier. “And that’s for kissin me around the girls! I can’t believe you did that I mean it was so embarrassing! Even Dash was shocked!”

“I can’t kiss you around the others?”

“Course you can kiss me whenever you want but, even I know moderation… me Pinkie Pie” she places a hoof to her chest in seriousness.

I chuckle a little, ultimately sinking back into my former poop mood. “This wedding is gonna be awkward for me. Like I don’t mind what ponies think but, I really hate attention”

“Attention? You’re not the one getting married silly! Why would anypon-“ she notices my unimpressed stare before continuing, “-I guess you might get some attention, hehe”

“Exactly. I mean I’m completely willing to suck it up for Twilight’s sake don’t get me wrong” I pause to think over my next words.

“Another reason why I love you. One of the toughest ponies I know!”

“Please don’t call me tough”

“Handsome?”

“Ok you can call me tough”

“Toughest pony ever!”

“Sure but, as I was saying. With all these new scars, my already tall figure, and this stupid collar still on my neck I’m one of the most ridiculous looking things on the planet”

“I mean I’ve seen crazier things… either way everypony thinks you’re a hero now anyway so who cares!” She shouts joyfully.

“Hypothetically they see me as a hero, that still doesn’t change the fact I’m the center of attention!”

She places a hoof on my mouth, “Hey there’s no need to yell!” Pinkie yells directly in my face. I pinch her nose and hold it causing her to close her eyes in a panic. “Owie I was kidding!”

Letting go she rubs her red nose with a giggle, “Who knew you liked it rough”

“Pinkie please…”

“I’m kidding! Or am I?” She bursts into a fit of laughter rolling back and forth across my chest.

Pinching the bridge of my nose I start to feel bold enough to get revenge, “And what if I did like to get rough?”

Her ears perk up and her face shocked but, only for a second until she kissed me again. “Don’t be ridiculous, I know you like to get all lovey dovey with cuddles and hugs”

“I do not!” I say while scratching her head.

“Hehe, I love so much about you. If I try and think about all the things I love at the same time it’s so overwhelming I might explode!”

“Hm, try not to do that. I like you all together like you are now”

“I’ll try!”

She flips herself sideways and relaxes into my touch. A light caress and soft scratches across her mane and back. Eventually we even switch positions to the point where I’m giving her a massage. I don’t know exactly know how to give a proper one yet but, I can guess as to what feels nice. Her bubbly attitude soon melts down into the puddle of a pony that rests beneath me. Every few moments she even gives out a light moan letting me know the service of my work. Not long from when I started my hands begin to get tired causing me to take brief breaks. Through her blissful peace Pinkie seems to notice speaking up just above a murmur.

“…tired?”

“A little but, I don’t mind to keep going if you’d like?”

“… hmm please”

The euphoria in her voice makes me snicker. I had to have gone for a total of 30 minutes until I stopped, my wrists and hands clammy from the work.

“Sorry I need a break” I twist my formerly injured wrist in an attempt to relive the tension. The pain much more on that side than the other.

There’s no response making me believe she’s fallen asleep. Getting up I move over to the windows and let some fresh air inside then make my way to a nearby closet to get a pillow for Pinkie. When I turn around I see her sitting up and sleepy eyed, patting the spot next to her with a loopy smile.

“Now it’s your turn”

I wave a hand dismissively, “No it’s fine Pinkie really”

“Nope, it sure isn’t. I can’t take such a wonderful massage go unpaid, it’s unjust!”

I sit down next to her placing the pillow down with a pat, “Sure you can, I did it cause I love ya”

My nonchalant expression makes her more aware of the honesty in what I say. She can’t help but blush. Suddenly she angrily starts to shove me onto my stomach.

“You’re gonna let me massage you and you’re gonna like it!”

She places the pillow I brought over under my head and starts to get to work. “Pinkie you… my god that feels good already”

“Yup!”

“You don’t need to… do this” I get a little tripped up from the wonders her hooves do.

She doesn’t bother to amuse my argument and keeps working away at my back. She doesn’t go on much longer until stopping.

“Can you lift your shirt up? I can’t give you the whole Pinkie experience otherwise” With protest I lift my shirt up to my arms, it’s as high as possible without taking it off all together.

“Thank you!” A familiar feeling of a bare hoof in my skin is back again. Strangely firm but soft to the touch. I let her continue without interruption until I completely pass out.

Fast forwarding to tomorrow, me and the girls find ourselves on a trip to Canterlot. Our train chugs along puffing large clouds of gray smoke up into the air. Apparently trains on Equestria are powered through magical coal that has been enhanced to not pollute the air nearly as much as non-enhanced coal. Given the lack of black color coming from the smoke, I can safely assume that fact holds water.

I felt sick. Not motion sickness but, a symptom of wearing my collar for too long. The morning had been tough. I spent at least 10 minutes puking my guts out before I could hold down some water. Thankfully Pinkie took care of our luggage and helped me make my way to the train. After arguing with Twi that I was fine enough to go I eventually was able to convince her, leaving us to where we are now.

I lean against the window with a paler then normal complexion. Pinkie rubs at my back in worry. She’s even got one of my hoodies on again, it’s color a solid white without any details. Recently she’s become accustomed to wearing my shirts and hoodies which doesn’t both me, she’s awfully cute in anything if you ask me. Wow that was sappy.

“Are you sure you’re okay enough to go? You can leave Spike in charge of the bachelor party alone” I don’t reply immediately allowing Pinkie to think about more possible worries. “I’ll be fine too! You don’t have to worry so it’s totally okay if you need to sleep the whole time we’re there”

I hadn’t told her it was from the collar making her believe I was coming down with the flu. If I could just make it through the wedding and return journey I could take it off once we get home.

“I’ll be fine… just need some rest. I’m really tired”

“Okay but don’t over do it!”

I nod slowly, closing my eyes in a hope this feeling passes over soon. Each hour that passes I start to feel a little better then the dreadful experience that was this morning. I start to feel better so quickly that Pinkie becomes suspicious, glaring directly at my collar with a frown.

“When’s the last time you took it off mister?”

“I won’t lie it’s been a bit”

“And how longs a bit huh? A few days?” I shake my head no. “Weeks?” Shake again. Her expression falls, “Joey you can’t wear it that much without a break! Here let me take it off” I move away quickly. “Joey there’s nopony else then the girls in here so stop worrying and let me see it!”

I try and dodge her reach only to fail, her hoof sticking straight through its loose hole. I grab it into my own hands attempting to stop her from unlatching it. “Pinkie please I have to wear it!”

“Uh huh now move your hands buster or I’ll bite!” She bites the air several times to prove herself.

“Wait wait wait! I’m telling you I have to wear it!”

Pinkie bites my finger hard enough to make me let go, I pull my hand back with a yelp. In one motion she unlatches it and pulls the collar off my neck and into her saddlebag beside her.

“See? That wasn’t that hard” she innocently smiles.

“Pinkie you have to give me it back”

“No way Jose! Not until we get to Canterlot”

I’m hesitant to tell her my hypothesis. That I might be making her sick as well. Truthfully it might be fact, since I’ve been wearing it more frequently there hasn’t been another Pinkie breakdown like the last time in Canterlot.

“Pinkie… I think I might be making you sick as well”

She doesn’t even bat an eye back my way, instead engulfed in her notebook drawing a bunch of ponies dancing around a disco ball.

“Princess Celestia told us the elements were safe remember?”

“Princess Celestia also lied to me about a whole bunch of shit. I wouldn’t be surprised if she made that shit up”

She stops her drawing, “But wouldn’t that be dangerous? She wouldn’t lie about that if it meant we could get sick too”

“Maybe it wasn’t a lie. Maybe she was guessing but, didn’t really know”

“What did she even lie to you about? That doesn’t sound like Celestia…”

“I really shouldn’t say” I don’t want ponies to panic thinking their leader was some kind of unstable tyrant and telling Pinkie would be step one into making that widespread. I know how bad she is at keeping her mouth closed… unless it’s a pinkie promise!

“Pinkie promise that what I tell you, you keep to yourself and me”

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!”

And then I spill the beans, everything. By the end Pinkie sits there conflicted, unsure of what to say.

“I don’t understand… so you need to love yourself to fix it?”

“Yea and she didn’t tell us because she figured I would do it naturally in time. That telling me could take things longer because I’d be subconsciously trying to lie to myself. In a way I guess she was right but, that doesn’t excuse her decision”

“This is… I’m sorry Joey I can’t believe that really happened” she leans into me saddened by the news. “You think that you ‘re making me sick too?” I nod. Her eyes brim with fresh tears ready to spill. “I don’t want you to suffer for me”

“It’s only until I fix it. I’ll be fine after that and we can laugh about this whole thing once it’s over”

A few tears roll down her face and her mane seems to deflate some, “I’m s-scared… I don’t want anything to happen to you. What if you get too sick?”

“I’ll take it off if it get too bad, how’s that?”

“I feel fine all the time though when you have it off. It was only a few times!”

“Pinkie you told me that it was happening a bunch after we moved in together”

She bites her lip caught in a lie, “Please I promised I’d tell you if I felt bad again, just keep it off when we’re alone!”

I don’t have the right to argue with her as she’s the party affected against her will. I have to go with whatever she wants. “Fine” I say while leaning back into Pinkie.

I wrap her with my arm and we hug it out, both needing it desperately. Snuggling for a bit I find myself beginning to calm down and relax once more, Pinkie as well. Unfortunately our little hug session doesn’t last as long as I’d like. When we separate Pinkie wipes her eyes while speaking up.

“Maybe we should talk with the girls and see how Twilight’s doing?”

Thinking about it, I can’t disagree. “I hope she isn’t all worked up still about the wedding”

“Meh, that’s kinda what Twilight does though. She’s always freaking out about stuff!”

Getting up from our seats we push through our privacy curtains and move down into the next cart.

“I don’t blame her. She’s kinda the voice of reason amongst us is she not?”

Pinkie doesn’t seem to hear me over the trains loud commotion. I don’t bother to repeat myself, it wasn’t that important anyway.

We push into the next cart, one that’s a little more fitting for the technology of Equestria. Benches similar to bus seats lined both sides of the train walls, most empty beside the few sitting our friends. When we get close I see AppleJack is having a private conversation with Twilight in the corner, likely giving another pep talk on top of mine.

Least somepony else is looking out for everypony

Pinkie rushes over to the girls with excitement, hopping up and down as she talked about her plans for the party. Meanwhile when I scanned the room I noticed Dash staring my way. She quickly turns around facing out the window. Best I clear this whole shit up before we get there. I start making my way to her only to be stopped by a scaly hand.

“Hey Joey, what do you think should be the theme of the bachelor party? I was thinking either gemstone hunting or maybe something involving dancing”

“Gemstone hunting? Spike it’s Twilight’s brothers bachelor party not yours. How about you ask her what he likes to do and we can plan around that… also aren’t bachelor party’s supposed to be before the wedding?”

“Huh? Well I guess normally they are but, we’re short on time! We’ll have just do it after the wedding and their honeymoon!”

“Kinda defeats the purpose of a bachelor party…”

“Hmm, I guess your right when I think about it. I’ll ask Twilight when we get to Canterlot”

“That’s my boy!” I rub his head a little too hard. “Now who’s gonna host the best bachelor party in Equestria?”

“We are!”

“Damn right! Now I gotta go talk to Dash about something so you keep brainstorming for the two of us alright?”

“Sounds like a plan!” He gives me a little thumbs up.

I start walking before I quickly turn back around and slide into the seat next to him. I get close and whisper into his ear, “and maybe take this whole trip as an opportunity to get closer to Flutters” I pat him on the back and move away before he can protest.

“Hey wait!”

Moving forward I notice Dash had disappeared, no longer in the cart with us. All that remained is an open window where she sat. Peering outside she’s out of sight, nowhere to be found.

“Shit”

I start walking to the back of the train hoping that with the larger sight line I might be able to spot her. Fluttershy seems to notice my intense pace and looks to me with question while I pass by. I give a worried smile and word ‘I’m okay’ while heading out the back.

Thankfully we’re already near the back of the train making my walk short. Reaching the last cart I head outside and lean over the railing looking for Dash.

“Fuck where’d she go?”

“Maybe she doesn’t wanna talk”

The tomboyish voice surprises me. Dash leans over the railing away from me, just out of sight from the door.

“Sorry… didn’t see you there heh” I scratch my neck awkwardly. She doesn’t seem to be too pleased. “Dash I wanna apologize for the way I acted yesterday… I was just pissed off about what you said and I acted completely out of line”

“I don’t actually think Luna’s crazy you know…”

“Yea I figured…”

Awkward silence…

…
…

“Dude are you gonna say something cause this silence is killing me!”

“Sorry! I’m not mad at you or anything but, you shouldn’t talk down on another pony without understanding them a little more. You probably don’t even really know Luna so when you were making it out to seem like she’s a terrible pony… I got mad”

“She’s your friend I get it. I shouldn’t have called her crazy or… ugh I’m sorry alright! There I said it, are you happy?”

“Maybe if I could get a hoof bump”

She seems flustered at the request yet still meets my fist with a bump. “Don’t be such a softy next time”

“Don’t be such an ass!”

We stare daggers into each others eyes until we can’t help but, laugh at our stupidity. “What a dumb thing to get so worked up about. I wasn’t even mad”

I ruffle her mane, “Friends fight sometimes, what are ya gonna do?”

She punches my arm immediately.

“Hey! Ow that fuckin hurt!”

I grab her and start to give her a noogie. She stomps on my foot while I grind her head until the throbbing pain becomes too much.

“Alright you win!” I let go.

Rubbing at her head she floats up in victory, “Course I did! Next time think twice before trying to out wrestle me!”

“We weren’t even wrestling”

“Well what would you call it huh?”

“Fuckin…. I don’t know. How about you go back into the passenger cart and go hang out with the girls!”

“How about you do!”

“I will!”

“Y-yeah but I’ll be there first!”

She bolts off flying overhead clearly cheating. When I go to head back a smiling Fluttershy stands there waiting for me. I open the door and walk with her back.

“I um.. couldn’t help but happen to um.. maybe hear you two talk and I uh.. just thought I should say I’m glad you two made up”

The way she stumbles through the sentence as if she might offend me is adorable. Spike my brother you better make a move soon or some stallions gonna steal yo girl.

“Thanks I guess? Kinda stalky listening to us talk though”

She blushes up, “Well I didn’t mean to… at first anyways. I was worried something was wrong when Dash seemed so bothered. Then I saw you all worried too!”

“It’s nice to know you were worried about us Flutters, that was very kind of you” she smiles happy of what I had to say. “But maybe next time avoid eavesdropping? I know some ponies can get really worked about something like that”

She stops to hold up her hooves, “No no no! I don’t normally do that, please don’t think any different of me because of this!”

I laugh and flip Shy’s overhanging mane once, “I’m only kidding. I know you didn’t mean to it’s just funny to see you get so worked up”

She puffs her cheeks in embarrassment, “I see you’re getting comfortable around Pinkie…”

“Hehe, yes she definitely makes me act more childish”

Blushing brightly she seems hesitant to continue, “S-so um… how are you two… g-getting along?”

“You mean how is our relationship?” She nods. “Pretty good honestly. I mean we’ve had our bruises but I can safely say everything is wonderful!”

“That’s good to hear”

“Haven’t fucked or anything if you were curious”

Her ears shoot up and her face runs red. Putting a hoof to her head she can’t help but faint. I’d gone too far. I catch her before she falls and carry her like a baby back to the girls. They all snicker at the sight of big ole me carrying a snoozing Shy. Pinkie seems a little jealous however, bites her tongue instead of saying anything.

I place Shy down beside a wide eyed Spike. He clearly seems overwhelmed. “What are you doing putting her in my seat!?!”

“What? Can you watch over her until she wakes up? I went a little too far with the jokes”

“B-but, but, how come me? Why are you so persistent in me dating Shy?” He’s says the last part at a whisper.

“Because the best way to get over a crush is to move on and I think Fluttershy is the perfect pony for you. I mean I saw the way you reacted during the Hearths Warming party when she kissed you”

“Any dragon would’ve blushed during that!”

“Oh cmon that wasn’t a blush” I move closer and whisper, “That was love” I wink.

“Stop it! I mean why would Shy think any different of me then Rarity did? You said it already, I’m too young to them and Shy is way too nice for a dragon like me”

“Okay first off Rarity wasn’t interested from the start so it wasn’t a fair attempt. Secondly, you’re like the nicest dude I know. I’m positive Shy thinks you’re a great stallion”

He still seems to lack confidence. “I don’t know. Maybe I should just wait until I’m older and date another dragon. Maybe ponies and dragons shouldn’t mix”

I slap him beside the head. “Ouch! What was that for?”

“Spike what is my species?”

“Uh human”

“And what is Pinkie?”

Stopping for a moment he realizes the point I’m making, “It’s not the same! You’re closer to being a pony then I am”

“These are all terrible excuses! How about this, you promise me to give the same effort you did into courting Rarity into Shy and if you fail I’ll buy you all the gemstones you want” he perks up.

“All of them?”

I gulp, “All of them”

He grabs my hand and shakes it with incredible speed, “You’ve got yourself a deal!” When he lets go I can’t help but feel dizzy and sore.

Has he gotten stronger?

“You won’t regret trying, trust me”

Smiling he happily shows off his fangs, “Either way this is a win-win for me!”

“So you admit you like her?”

Blushing her turns away from me watching over Shy, “Shut up!”

I laugh and head back over to the rest of the girls talking. We joke, we laugh, even play a few card games until our train finally reaches Canterlot. Slowing down in front of the main entrance, a giant pink bubble covers the entirety of the city. To be honest it looks like a huge cartoonish bubblegum bubble. Peering out the window the two guards watching over the bubbles exterior remove their spears allowing us entry into the city. As if those spears would actually stop us.

As we pass through it’s shape, the bubble slips through our bodies leaving a strange sensation behind. It kinda felt like a wave of cold liquid passed through my entire body. Shaking to free myself of the sensation we reach the Canterlot train station and exit the train in an orderly fashion. Pinkie and I carry up the rear as she sneezes a cloud of confetti just as she steps off the train. We all give each other a glance while she continues on like nothing happened.

After walking deeper into the city Twilight suddenly runs off in the direction of a guards post without saying a word. We all watch her as she stops in front of some blue haired stallion clearly upset about something.

“That must be her brother” I say.

“Yes, that is captain of the royal guard Shining Armor” A sudden guard mare speaks up.

“And you are?” Aj asks.

“I’m you’re guide! I’m to lead you each to you’re respective job locations so that you can ready yourselves for the wedding”

“Sweet!” Pinkie shouts. “I’m super ready to get started like right now!”

“Hold on there sugar cube, we still gotta see our rooms as well. Can’t get started on my work if I have nowhere to put ma things!”

Rarity moves over placing a hoof around Pinkies shoulder, “I can’t wait to get started as well dearie but, AppleJack is right. We should let this mare do her job first before getting ahead of ourselves”

Funny enough the only thing I can think about is that I’m proud the group can function without Twilight reeling everypony together. It’s a nice to see the independence.

Our tour begins and the guide drops us off one by one to each of our spots after showing us our rooms. With each location the group shrinks more and more until only me and Spike remain.

“And what is it you two were in charge of again?”

Spike steps forward with pride, “The bachelor party!”

“Oh! Well I guess I should take you directly to Shining himself, assuming he’s not busy of course” she doesn’t seem that confident in what she says making me worry.

I swallow my fear and follow along for another walk, this time heading high up into the guard tower Twilight had run up to earlier. I start to wonder what she exactly said to Shining. Hopefully they made up. Reaching the tippy top of the tower our guide leads us into a waiting room while she checks in with Shining. Spike and I sit there twiddling our thumbs until a large pink mare struts into the room. We share a glance to each other and then back to the mystery mare.

With each step it becomes more apparent her pony features, those being both a horn and wings. I elbow Spike, “Yo I think that’s the bride”

He turns to look at me with shock, “You really think so?” He looks back again for a double check.

“That letter said the bride was a princess and I don’t know any princesses without all the fancy tools”

“Fancy tools? Oh, you mean because she’s an alicorn?”

“Excuse me!” The mare shouts much closer then I last remember. “What exactly is a dragon and a… whatever you are doing in front of my fiancé’s room?”

Her tone is so condescending and rude, she instantly pisses me off. “We’re in charge of the bachelor party and we’re waiting to see-“

She interrupts Spike pissing me even more off. “Isn’t that going to be after my wedding? Can’t you find time later?”

I take charge of the conversation for Spike, “It’ll only take a few minutes”

“And I don’t have a few minutes! I have a wedding to plan and I can’t do it without my fiancé so scram”

Spike seems slightly offended but, starts to get up anyway. I place an arm stopping him, “I think if you really cared about the person you’re marrying you’d let us spend a few minutes with him to plan HIS bachelor party”

She lifts her snout and scuffs, “I DO care about him and that’s exactly why I must seem him for he suffers from headaches from keeping up our protection” she takes a few steps past us to the door before stopping again, “In case you haven’t noticed there’s a giant magic dome surrounding the city”

She then turns around and slams the door behind her. “I guess we should head back and meet with the girls” Spike says dejected.

A fire burns in me of pure anger, “What a cunt! I haven’t met Twilight’s brother yet but, if he’s as great as Twi said he is then I don’t understand why he’d marry a bitch like that”

Spikes eyes widen and he looks around to see if anypony nearby heard my outburst. “Joey you can’t say stuff like that!”

“You mean the truth? Ugh, let’s just go back and meet the others like you said”

Our entire walk back I remained fuming inside. How could such a rude pony be a princess? First there was the Celestia shit and now this? I’m beginning to think that either Luna is a saint or these matriarchal leaders are all bullshit. Thankfully my thoughts are cut short before I make myself any madder at the reaching of our destination.

The whole gang sat around a round table outside a elegant looking shop. Everypony sipped from their smoothies leaving two seats empty for both me and Spike. They even bought us our own shakes as well. Taking a seat beside Pinkie, my smoothie was a mint chocolate chip, an absolutely delightful first sip. I sat back absorbing the conversation and couldn’t help but notice the clearly disturbed Twilight across the table.

Maybe she didn’t make up with her brother

“Princesses Cadance was absolutely stunning in the dress I made for her! It was such a shame she wanted me to change the color scheme but, that is okay. The bride is always right!”

“Yeah and she really liked them apple fritters I made as well”

“She was very considerate when it came to the music. She even pointed out a few things I missed as well like my friend here who’s just a little tinsy bit off tune” The bird on Shy’s shoulder went to sing only to screech an awful sound. I clench my teeth.

“She said my party was like a fillies party! Isn’t that great?!” Pinkie bounced in her seat.

A slam across the table quiets us all, “Am I the only pony that thought she was incredibly rude and horrible?! Not to mention unfitting of marrying my brother!”

Before I can speak up Rarity interjects, “You are being awfully possessive of your brother Twi”

Some of the girls nod in agreement.

“I’m NOT being possessive. She is not the pony I knew when I was a filly, she’s some monster now!”

“Twi, don’t ya think you’re being a little dramatic?”

“Dramatic? She was so awful to me and rude! She didn’t even remember me!”

“It was quite some time ago when she babysat you darling and I would be a little stressed out as well if my wedding was tomorrow. I think you’re going too far”

I go to speak but Twilight suddenly slams her hooves again with a frustrated groan, “If none of you believe me then I’ll have to go and prove it myself!” She runs away before I can get a word in. Spike looks to me shrugging his shoulders.

I lean in and whisper to him, “You think I should go talk to her?”

He shakes his head no, “She might be getting a little worked up about all of this happening so recently. Remember it was kinda sudden news”

I don’t feel right not running her down but, maybe I’m being dramatic as well. Sure she was a complete ass but, that isn’t any reason to call her a monster or call off the wedding. Maybe she’s a good wife to Shining? She did kick us out to help him with his headache…

“Eh maybe your right” I take a large sip from my drink deciding to wait on my judgement. “She might’ve been an ass to us but, she still might be a good pony to him and I guess that’s all that matters”

Spike cringes at my words, “I mean I don’t think anypony should be okay with marrying a bully even if they’re nice to them”

I shrug my shoulders, “Eh, his loss”

He doesn’t bother to argue and instead focuses his attention to his gem filled smoothie. The crunching of an amethyst against his teeth is enough to make me squirm.

“Girls it’s gettin kinda late. I think I’m gunna call it for the night and we can all meet up again at the rehearsal”

“Night AJ!” Pinkie shouts while giving a hug.

“Applejacks right” Dash says while stretching a wing. “I need all the rest I can get if I’m going to be ready for my rainboom”

“Ooh ooh goodnight to you too!” She hops over to hug Dash, stopped by her cyan hoof.

“Why it would be counterproductive to keep working while I’m tired. I shouldn’t waste fine fabric without a clear head. Goodnight girls” Rarity speaks with a smile, walking off with her smoothie floating beside her.

Before Pinkie can run after her I grab the pink blur and stuff her under my arm like a football. “Easy there, we should probably call it too. See ya girls tomorrow” I wave the remaining ponies left goodbye with my baggage still tucked under my arm.

Her nonstop squirming causes me to eventually let her go, leading to a very bouncy Pinkie surrounding me as we walked. Whether it was the days length or Pinkies endless need to run around, she seems to slow down and tire out once we reach our room.

“Looks like somepony finally ran out of battery”

She leaps onto the bed with a loud poof. “Of course I’m out of Pinkie juice! I gotta keep up the energy for the group otherwise who will!?” Suddenly she’s right behind me, “I need to be the beating heart!”

I take off my shoes and relax onto the bed with a leap. “You might feel that way but, I’ll be the first to tell you we just need you for you Pinkie”

“Aww” she climbs on the bed to give me a hug. “That’s one of the nicest things anyponys ever said to me”

“I was only being honest…” I reply, closing my eyes to rest.

“Hey that’s AppleJacks job!”

I stick my tongue out in mutiny. A wet warm feeling pushes against it. I pull it back while opening one eye. “Did you just lick my tongue?”

She falls backwards into a fit of giggles, holding her stomach from laughing. Her laughter is contagious. It ain’t long until I’m laughing along side her.

“Hehe I thought it would be funny, and it was!”

I flip over and pin Pinkie under me, tickling her without mercy. I’m only able to get a few tickles in when she flips me onto my back, now the one pinning me. In her teeth clenched is a collar, my collar.

“Hey woah di-“

She shakes her head no still smiling, “No collar tonight! Pinkie says so”

I bite my lip, “Fine. Tell me if you’re starting to feel not okay though” She preforms the Pinkie promise without saying it aloud. “Alright then you can leave it over there”

Tossing it aside she pounces at my mouth like a carnivore starving for a meal. Wide eyed, I wasn’t ready for such intimacy so suddenly. It’s a welcoming surprise though and I ease into her kiss. We embrace into each other with my one arm wrapped around her waist and my other holding the back of her head. Passionately we begin to speed up, even rubbing against one another. My face heats up and my breath becomes hot. There’s only few seconds of break for what feels like several minutes until we separate. Our eyes still meeting and our breaths desperate. She holds a hunger in her gaze. It stirs the lust within me to desire more. I slowly move my hand lower down her backside while we nuzzle. Right when I’ve reached beyond the point of normal cuddling her already flushed face jolts in surprise.

“Eep!” I pull my hand away uncertain if I’d gone too far. She looks away embarrassed, hiding her face in my chest. She mumbles something to me that I can’t understand.

“Did I go too far? Was that too sudden?”

She slowly nods her head, “I think… I need a little more time”

It’s a shock to hear from the perverse pony. Usually she’s the aggressor only this time when push came to shove she realized she might not be ready yet. Truthfully I’m surprised I even went that far.

“Sorry”

She lifts her head giving me another loving kiss. It lingers a little longer then it should, not helping the issue. “You’re fine”

“You okay?”

“Little horny” she giggles.

“Perv” I flip her overhanging mane into her face.

“You’re the pervy pony this time” she pouts. Her smile quickly falters with time. “I didn’t mean to ruin the mood”

“No it’s totally fine, I get it”

Bashfully she tries struggles to meet my gaze, “I’ve never done…. anything like this before. I’m just a little nervous” she laughs awkwardly.

I pat her mane while kissing her forehead, “I’ll be ready when you are”

She smiles back but, her ears remain flat against her head. “I messed up again didn’t I?”

It’s another breakdown starting and I can tell. In an attempt to snuff the flames I wrap her into a little spoon to cuddle. “Shhh, you’re fine”

With my warm presence against her and my attempt to soothe her with my voice, she relaxes into me. “…sorry” she sounds plagued with sadness.

I stroke her stomach like you would a cat, my face nuzzled into her cotton candy mane. Inhaling her scent I’m overwhelmed with familiarity. “Love you”

She stays silent for a few seconds, “Love you more…” It seems my efforts payed off as we enjoy each other’s company until sleep takes us both.

Next morning the girls and myself were expected to be at the rehearsal early in the morning. The wedding was planned for later in the day so it was important we all preform our parts perfectly. Most of the girls carried tired expressions. Having to sleep in unfamiliar beds seemed to have affected us all. Even Pinkies normally poofy mane was filled with loose hairs in every which way. She still looked cute to me and given last nights events we were practically impossible to separate. Dash was the first to take notice.

She elbows me while princess Celestia speaks with Shining at the alter, whispering, “You two have fun last night?” Her grin tells me all I need to know.

I lean over to her, “Jealous?”

She nearly falls on her face, “No you perv! I only noticed you two are all touchy again like that time at the picnic”

“If it makes you feel any better I’ll have you know we didn’t do anything last night. Feel better?”

She gives me a doubtful expression, “Mmm I guess I’ll take your word this time”

“Okay!” Celestia’s royal voice booms. “Now we have the bridesmaids enter!”

Rarity is the first to turn and look, “The bridesmaids? Princess Cadance as her own bridesmaids?”

Aj shoves her lightly, “Course she has her own bridesmaids!” The rest of the girls attention makes Rarity shuffle a little father back with a chuckle.

Sure enough, three random ass mares I’ve never seen before strut their way across the red carpet down the isle. “Next the flower fillies”

Following her command, the cutie mark crusaders make their way down the isle as well, tossing flower pedals to and fro. “And now our bride”

Making her way from the entrance, the nasty mare from yesterday walks to the alter. I’m able to get a much better look at her now confirming that she is indeed an Alicorn. Her coat a lighter shade of pink than Pinkies and at her hip resides a blue crystal heart cutie mark. She’s even much skinnier then most ponies which is a surprising sight to me, her frame more closely related to that of Luna’s. If I hadn’t know how much of a sourpuss she was at first glance I’d think she was a nice pony. The only strange thing to me about her would be the way she carried herself. Almost like… menacing?

She approaches the alter beside her fiancé and they nuzzle. The girls collectively aw at the sight besides Dash, Spike and I. Those two collectively gag while I look away slightly uncomfortable with the public display of affection. Dash was definitely in the right when she called us out for the kiss the other day.

“And now the ring bearer… where is the best mare?” Celestia looks around puzzled.

During her search her eyes meet mine and she quickly looks away bothered. I keep my stare. I might’ve promised to forgive her and I might even admit she had a valid point but, that doesn’t excuse her actions. Anypony who thinks the ends justify the means surely haven’t experienced ‘the means’.

Shining looks back to his wife to be with disappointment, “I can’t believe she isn’t here! Clearly she doesn’t care enough about her brother to even show up”

“WAIT!” The interruption draws everyponies attention to the entrance. “THAT MARE DEFINITELY ISN’T MARRYING MY BROTHER!”

Looking amongst ourselves it’s tough not to cringe. “Oh brother” Aj says under her breath.

“Twilight! What are you doing!?” Shining yells.

She stops halfway to the alter between us and them, “That mare right there is an imposter! That’s not Cadance at all!”

“Huh?” I accidentally say aloud.

“I saw her last night place a spell on my brother that made his eyes all wacky and she’s been nothing like the Cadance I remember! She’s wicked and evil”

“W-why are you doing this?” Cadance cries out. “I don’t understand what I did to deserve this!” She takes off running toward the entrance leaving us all in shock at what happened.

A smug Twilight sits there so sure she’s right, “Oh yeah, fake cry all you want! I know the truth!”

“Twilight!” Shining’s voice catches her off guard, especially his pissed off expression. “I can’t believe you just did that!”

“Exposed that faker?”

“That spell that you’re so worried about is Cadance helping me with my headaches! In case you haven’t noticed there’s been an uptick in security thanks to a sudden threat on Canterlot so I have to keep up my magic constantly. The only thing helping me was her spells and now you’ve gone and ruined her whole day! I hope this was worth it because you’re not my best mare anymore” strutting past her he stops shy of the entrance. “And I don’t think I can call you my sister either… I have to go find my wife”

He runs away leaving the rest of us in a very awkward scenario. Rarity is the first to speak up, “Come on girls, we should probably go help find Cadance”

“Girls surely you believe me right?” With pained stares they walk past Twi and leave the room as well. I stay where I am unsure what to do.

Pinkie turn back to me to see if I’m coming and I motion that it’ll be just a second. I start making my way to Twilight when Celestia splits between us.

“It seems you still have much to learn Twilight” Hearing the disappointment in Celestia’s voice is the final blow into Twilight’s heart. She sinks into herself weeping.

I feel compelled to say something to Celestia but decide not to. Now is not exactly the time to talk things out between us so instead I make my way over to Twi and kneel down to meet her. We’re the only ponies left in the large throne room.

“Twilight what’s going on? Why did you do that?”

Sniffling she can barely get out any words, “I-I thought… I c-cant be wrong… can I?” She doesn’t lift her head, tears staining the carpet below.

I wrap her in a hug with one arm and sit on the floor next to her. “I’ll hear you out”

My gestures enough to make her lift her head and wipe some tears. “She was never like this when I was young. She was the best babysitter ever! Honestly… she was one of my only two friends, my two best friends. Until I ruined that today apparently” she rubs her nose frustrated.

“What made her the best?”

“Well… first off we had our own special hoof shake. It went sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake. But she doesn’t even remember it now…”

“Are you sure she couldn’t have just forgotten? I mean how long ago was she your babysitter?”

“She wouldn’t have, I know she wouldn’t. That’s why I’m sure she’s a fake! That’s not even counting the weird spell she casted on my brother… my former brother” her voice cracks and I squeeze her tightly.

“Oh stop that he’s still your brother”

“But I tried to ruin his wedding day”

“That doesn’t change the fact he’s your brother. You two share the same blood and that can’t be taken away. Give him some time and I’m sure he’ll forgive you”

She looks to me with uncertainty, “How can you be so sure? Have you forgiven Celestia?”

“You must’ve asked her huh?” I sigh. “I was holding to talk to her sometime tonight honestly. I keep procrastinating but I know I shouldn’t waste this opportunity. Plan was to try and talk to her after the ceremony but after what just happened… I’m not sure what to do”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I can’t just leave you alone like this! What good would that do?”

“But I ruined everything! I was so certain I was right… I still am”

“And maybe you are”

She looks my way surprised, “You believe me?”

“Kinda. Don’t get me wrong it’s tough to prove somepony is a fake without much evidence but, given the way you’ve been behaving about this and the way she acted to me and Spike I think you might have some merit”

“But what do we do? How do I prove she’s a fake without ruining everything if I’m wrong?”

I stand up patting her head, “That’s where you find out yourself”

“You just said you couldn’t leave me!”

“Mentally? Yes, I’m on your team. Physically? I gotta get back to the girls” she sinks back down into the floor again. “Hey” I squat down lifting her face. “I’m on your side, think of me as your inside man”

“Thanks I guess but, I still don’t know what to do”

“I don’t know either but, you’re much better at solving things like this then I am. Tell me whenever you’ve figured something out and I’ll do my best to help you” I give a wink while walking away.

Twi remains seated in the middle of the throne room with watery eyes. She watches me the whole way until I round the corner. Just the thought of leaving her makes me sick in my stomach but, I can’t really help her right now beside letting her know she’s not alone. Hopefully she’s right. It’s a strange thing to hope for but, if she is it’ll fix a lot of the mess she’s stirred up even if it ruins Shinings wedding. Better the wedding gets ruined then he marries a fake I guess.

After not much walking I notice that I’m lost. Having taken so long talking to Twi, I’d fallen behind much too far. Approaching hoofsteps make me spin around to see none other then princess Luna in the flesh. Her eyes are baggy and tired.

“Lulu!”

“Mr. Marshall! It is good that I found you so quickly”

“Hm? How come?”

“We heard that you’d be doing the rehearsal for the wedding so I decided to skip my normal sleep schedule in order to meet. Unfortunately thou was not with the others so I searched on my own. I’m delighted that I found you so soon!” Looking around me she tilts her head in confusion. “You mustn’t travel alone. Have you not forgotten what occurred last time you were here?”

“Lu I’m in the castle right now, how could I be in danger?”

“One can never be too cautious”

“Tell that to Twilight”

“Do explain”

“Alright walk with me, I gotta get my parchment in my room to tell Pinkie I’m okay”

Luna charges her horn after hearing this and makes the parchment appear before us. “Does thou mean this parchment?”

“Thank you” I say without question, quickly writing up a letter to Pinkie before submitting it. I stuff the parchment into the back of my pants under my shirt. “Now what”

“How about we go somewhere more suitable for story telling” charging her horn once more she drapes a wing over me.

My vision darkens and when I’m able to open my eyes again I try to absorb the surroundings. We’d teleported to a familiar room, one I’ve seen before in my dream talks with Luna. It was her own royal bedroom. She lay draped across her bed patting the spot next to her.

“Come, tell me what occurred”

“You know even Pinkie has her limits when it comes to being pervy but, literally inviting me to bed Lu?”

“Oh hush you foal and get over here”

She doesn’t need to tell me twice… technically three times if you count the first time. Climbing onto her bed the mattress’s welcoming feel makes getting comfy easy. I lay between her legs against her stomach, both of us laying on our backs. Her wings and hooves wrap around me protectively. At first when I came to Equestria, such a predicament like this would be absurd however, I seemed to have become more comfortable with ponies high level of affection. Such physical pampering would be a huge no no less than a year ago.

“Do you find this position to your liking?” She gently draws circles on my head with the edge of her hoof.

“Yes but I bet not as much as you do” she giggles squeezing me in a hug from behind.

“Yes, we do enjoy having our favorite cuddle pony over”

“So that’s all I am to you huh? Just a body pillow for you to get your little cuddle fix out with?” I sarcastically question.

“Tis the first time I’ve had the pleasure of being in your actual presence in some time. We would like to at least enjoy the moment if thou doesn’t mind”

“Snuggle up moonbutt and I’ll tell you what happened”

“Indeed, do tell”

“Okay so apparently Twilight has this babysitter she remembers when she was younger right? And so without her knowledge, her brother gets engaged to her and she’s under a different name then Twilight remembers”

“Princess Mi Amore Cadenza”

“Exactly. So she’s all pissed off cause she doesn’t know who it is and her brother didn’t tell her he was getting married. Next thing you know we’re all on a trip here to Canterlot in order to host the wedding and Twi seems super pissed still about the whole thing. Eventually we all do our own tasks and shit but, when we meet up again Twilight is convinced that princess Cadance is a fraud. That she’s nothing like the pony she remembers”

“Truthfully I could not tell you who she might have been before or is now for that matter. I haven’t spent much time during the day not catching up on my rest so our social life is rather lacking”

“Lu as much as I enjoy being your like only best friend, I think you should try and make some other friends beside me”

I can’t exactly see her face but the deep breath she takes behind me seems to tell me enough. “We… I don’t exactly do very well with meeting new ponies. Let alone making friends. Do not worry though for we do not need any other ponies to talk to beside sister and thou”

“You sound like a big shut in”

“We are not a shut in! We simply do not enjoy most other ponies company and would prefer to be alone”

“Sounds like a shut in and I’d know, I am one”

She stops hugging me as tightly and play bites my shoulder. “Thou should be careful unless they wish to be devoured whole”

“Heh, you can be a real foal sometimes you know that?” She bites again only hard enough to make me squeak. “Eeeee stop!”

She lifts her head back laughing. “You are in no position to insult us now continue your story”

“Alright fine but stop getting my shirt all wet with your stupid biting!”

“Then behave more gentlecolt like and we shall treat you as such”

“…maybe learn to talk normal first before you judge others” I whisper under my breath. I can see her face motion just above my shoulder again with her mouth ready to bite. “Alright I was kidding!” She sinks back into the bed still holding me on her chest. “Okay so what was I saying?”

“Twilight believes princesses Cadance is a fraud”

“Oh yes, okay. So Twi runs off and apparently sees Cadance do some weird magic on Shining Armor and thinks she’s messing with him but, he tells Twilight it’s for his headaches. None of us are aware of any of this until the rehearsal where she showed back up and tried to prove Cadance was a fake”

“And was everypony convinced?”

“Absolutely not. Matter of fact, Cadance ran off crying. Shining said some nasty stuff and Celestia seemed super upset. Even the girls were disappointed enough to walk away without saying anything to Twilight”

“Did thou walk away as well?”

“No I went over and talked to her for a little bit. Honestly I’m kinda worried for her. I want her to be right so everything goes back to normal but that would mean this princess Cadance would be… who knows!”

“Hm, this appears to be most upsetting news if Twilight Sparkle is indeed in the wrong” she lets me go and spins me around to face her. “And what do you think?”

I sit myself up scratching my head, “I don’t know really. I’ve never heard of any pony being able to look like another pony before but, what do I know”

Luna seems lost in thought, unsure what to think. I lay next to her on the bed brainstorming myself. Could a pony really fake themselves into another pony? It doesn’t seem far fetched given half my experienced here. What kind of danger could we be in if a princess had been faked?

“Lu if she’s right, what kind of danger are we taking about?”

She falls onto her back beside me, “Princess Cadance is the weakest alicorn between the three of us. She’s the princess of love so without her husband there isn’t much power she could produce”

“And with her husband?”

“She can be more powerful then even my sister” she says with a smile. “The power of love shouldn’t be underestimated my little pony”

I shudder, “Wow that sentence was cheesy”

She bats me with a wing, “Says the stallion with a fear of commitment”

“I don’t have a fear of commitment!”

“Then what is stopping us from courting?”

“Not commitment!”

She gives me a peck on the cheek, giggling at my bewildered look, “I find you quite amusing to speak with. Thou should look for more time with us, we would appreciate it dearly”

I blush, “You’re um… I like talking with you too”

She brightly smiles and pulls me into her chest, “Now give us some cuddles of our own. We most certainly deserve them so for the lack of time you spend with us”

I don’t argue, closing my eyes to enjoy her company. “Sorry… I’ll try to find more time”

“Do not worry. We know you care dearly for us and that is sufficient enough”

“You lie”

“… okay we do selfishly wish to spend more time with thou but, understand your inability to meet my demands”

“I think I could do better and I’ll definitely try”

She holds me against her still while rubbing my back, “Do not fret. I will be fine however, if there is a looming threat within the castle walls we shall protect you from any danger”

“I know you will Lu, I know you will”

Fast forward a few cuddle hours and one tuxedo fitting later, I realize just then that I’m about to attend a royal wedding. A wedding with SEVERAL ponies in attendance. I can’t help but sweat at the thought.

“Calm down sweetie, I can see you sweating from over here!” Rarity yells from across the room.

“I can’t fucking help it! There’s like- “ I peak around the corner into the main room. There’s almost a hundred ponies in there preforming various jobs and preparing their seats. “- a thousand ponies out there!”

“Calm down. It’ll be over before you know it”

“They’re gonna stare at me because of my collar. It’s going to be so fucking awkward holy shit. Ugh, I might pass out” I fan myself with a pamphlet. I’m not at panic attack status yet but, the ways things are going it’s only a matter of time.

Rainbow Dash and Flutters enter the room as well. Dash instantly noticed my worried behavior and starts walking over. “Dude like calm down”

“Calm down? You do know how bad I am with crowds right? Especially ones where…. oh fuck I forgot about my scars as well!”

She takes a hold of me shaking my shoulders, “Hey get a hold of yourself! Nopony is gonna notice you when they seen me out there!”

I grab her out of the air holding her under the front forelegs, “Dash nopony knows who you are!”

Flying out of my grasp she angrily glares at me, “Course ponies know who I am. I’m the fastest flyer in Ponyville! Hell, in Equestria!”

I sit down wiping the sweat from my forehead on a napkin, “It’s awfully nice to see how optimistic you are but, do they really need me to attend the wedding? Like REALLY need me?”

“Course we need you Joey” Shy speaks up. “Princess Celestia, Shining, and Cadance are counting on us to make sure everything goes right”

“Can’t I do that from behind the scenes?”

Aj sneaks up behind me and wraps a hoof around my back, “Course ya can’t, we need ya more then Dash needs her share of Apple family cider”

“Yeah there’s no way I’m needed that much, Dash is a drunk or something” she punches my side at the comment.

“Pinkie!” Aj shouts out the room. “Pinkie get in here and help Joey get ready for the weddin!”

“Ready?” Pinkie asks suddenly behind us all. I place a hand to my chest in shock.

“Holy sh- Pinkie you can’t be doing that all the time!”

The rest of the girls disperse to focus on their own jobs leaving Pinkie alone to help me. “Can’t be doing what?”

“Fuckin… I don’t know, Pinkie I can’t go out there I’ll die”

“You’ll die?!” She yells out shocked. “Are you allergic to weddings? How come you never told me before? We’re so close to the starting ceremony we gotta get you out of here before-“

“Pinkie I can’t deal with all of those ponies out there, you know crowds make me uncomfortable”

“But on Nightmare…” she stops her sentence short remembering what occurred on that day. “Sorry, but you’ve dealt with crowds before”

“Yes but, it was all dark and shit. No too many ponies paid me much attention. Out there though?” I point to the entrance hall. “After the news broke on my kidnapping and my scars? They’re gonna look at me, all of them. I can’t handle that”

Sitting down beside me she hold my hand with her hoof, “Sure you can. I know you can” I’m not convinced but, appreciate the positive thinking. “Do you know what I do if I’m worried about ponies staring at me?”

“What’s that?”

“I think about all the great ponies I know that don’t care about the way I act and what I say. That they’ll love me for me no matter what! Because of those ponies I don’t have to worry about anypony else because they’re the ones that really care about me and they’re the only opinions that matter” she smiles brightly nuzzling against my hand. She blushes lightly, “And knowing that you love me really helps too…”

I’m still terrified, my heart racing, stomach churning. It would be impossible for me not to worry. Yet after hearing Pinkie tell me why she’s okay with being thought of as weird I feel a small amount of confidence within myself building. Even if they do stare, even if it’s uncomfortable and worrisome, I know that if things get too bad I have ponies to help me get through anything. It’s all I need to sit up and build my resolve. I look down to Pinkie and hold out my arms for a standing hug which she obliged. At the end we share a small kiss and I whisper to her a ‘thank you’.

“I think I’m ready”

“Well I know you’re ready!” Pinkie shouts with a leap. “Now let’s get out there and party!”

“Pinkie” Rarity stops her, “There’s no partying until after the ceremony. Please do remember that” her voice slightly worried. Pinkie gives her best salute, “Aye aye captain!” And off we went.

Lining up along the red carpet, the girls, Spike, and I were dressed in Rarity’s finest work. The phenomenal detail that went into each of the girls dresses was outstanding. Each highlighting their own uniqueness while maintaining a proper attire for the occasion. Spike and I although wearing less flashier clothing were equally as impressive looking. Rarity allowed me to pick out the color scheme for my fit and I went with entirely black, even down to the bow tie. It might appear almost funeral like to these ponies but, to me it was stylistic to what I enjoyed. Simplistic, sleek, and sharp. As they say, black is thinning and I appeared rather dashing if I do say so myself.

Ignoring everypony’s outfits there was still an issue at hand. Nopony had seen or spoke with Twilight since the rehearsal. Alarming at first, now catastrophic. If she didn’t find proof of falsehood then surely she’d arrive on time right? Right?!? And that’s what bothered me. I knew who Twilight was and who she could be at her worst. Stubborn to the core. I feared that even without the much needed proof she still wouldn’t show… or even worse show without proof! I just wanted things to work out and not be so awkward.

The ceremony continued on and with each passing minute I grew more restless. My assumption of myself getting lots of attention was somewhat right. While most ponies did focus toward princess Celestia and Shining, I still got the side eye from a bunch of suspicious ponies. I didn’t blame them but, I sure did hate them for their continued staring. Thankfully I stood near the back of our group where Pinkie held my shaking hand as we waited. Just like rehearsal we went through each step properly without issue until the moment we all dreaded. Celestia once more looked out to the entrance and asked for the ring bearer. Sadly Twilight was nowhere to be seen creating a moment of pause and murmuring. Each second was painful until Twilight came rushing through the entrance yelling.

The girls collectively groaned in discomfort. Aj even mumbled a “not again”.

“WAIT!” She shouted, stopping in the same location she had earlier in the day. Her mane was fizzled and her coat dirty. She looked like she’d been through the ringer.

Cadance was the first to speak, “Why do you insist on ruining MY- our wedding day!?”

“Because your not the real Cadance!” She then turns revealing another pony following behind her. Surprisingly enough it’s a pony of matching description to Cadance herself! Although much dirtier and wounded like Twilight, she was the exact same pony.

“Holy shit” I whisper. “Girls I think Twi was right!”

“HAHAHA!” The dressed Cadance mockingly laughed. Her voice now altered and strange as if she were speaking with an auto tune. “IT IS TOO LATE FOR YOU PONIES ANYWAY NOW!”

Taking to flight, she levitates into the air surrounded by green magic while her body slowly deteriorated into a back form. Her legs became riddled with holes and her horn much longer and sickly. The color of her coat became a strong black with a slick shine. She almost resembled more of a bug then pony. Finally her face became lean, her eyes green and snake like. Light lashes of her reptilian tongue built her strange appearance even farther away from a pony.

“I AM QUEEN CHRYSALIS, LEADER OF THE CHANGELINGS AND I NOW SHALL TAKE OVER CANTERLOT BEFORE THE REST OF EQUESTRIA!”

Her shouts echoed throughout the halls causing a mass panic. Most of the ponies screamed in terror, running for the exit. The girls and myself scurried closer to Twilight, ready for action. I might’ve been terrified at the threat this new enemy posses but, it was a whole lot better then sitting in that wedding.

Cadance stood forward with confidence, “Your plan ends her Chrysalis! You’ve been exposed and surrounded!”

”And you shall not lay a hoof upon my little ponies”

Celestia now floated behind her with an elegance and power I had never seen. You could feel the power emanating from her being, circulating through the room. With a shot of her horn the strange bug queen defended herself with a shot of her own. Shining went to help as well yet fell the instant he began charging his horn. Twilight ran over to him and the rest of us kept our distance. In a tug of war of power, the bug queen slowly overpowered Celestia causing an explosion, sending her across the room in a skid. Cadance ran to take Twilights place as she ran off to her teacher.

“MUAHAH. With the power of Shining Armors love for you, I am even stronger then princess Celestia!” Her excitement was evident by the way she finished saying Celestia, an emphasis on the tia.

I knew things were bad now. I never thought anypony could be stronger then Celestia. My brain racked for ideas.

Luna? I need to find Luna!

“Girls!” I grabbed them into a huddle. “I’m going to find princess Luna, I need you all to go to Twilight and figure out what to do next”

Pinkie pulled at my coat, “I’m coming with you!”

“No!” I pushed her hoof away. “You’re one of the elements! You all need to stick together. Twilight said you used the elements on Discord correct? Actually, can’t you use them again now?”

Twilight broke into the huddle, “Girls we need to get to the elements!” Twi seemingly answers my question.

“AND WHERE EXACTLY DO YOU PONIES THINK YOUR GOING?”

“RUN!” Twilight shouted leading us into an all out scramble away.

Stumbling I rip my coat off to gain some mobility and untuck my shirt. The girls rush outside into an army of black bug like ponies. Their wings similar to a dragonfly’s and their hooves littered with holes as well. They even had small fangs protruding from their mouths. Internally I panic at the sight of them getting surrounded yet I turn my head and continue onward. I can’t afford to waste time. Through several similar looking hallways I rush past guards running to cover the entrances, asking a few the direction to Luna’s bed chambers. One stallion guard is kind enough to guide me most the way once I explain the situation. Around the last turn, the windows in the hallway are blown out and a battle has commenced between the guards and bugs.

I grab a fallen guards spear nearby and rush forward toward the fight, spearing an unprepared bug pony into the wall. His shell like body crunches like a roach against the spear leaving a sickly noise. Blue guts spew onto the end of the blade making me almost vomit. Kicking the bug off my spear I spin around to help another guard in his fight. My length and size makes keeping the bugs at bay much easier then for a stallion. Another helpful advantage was the bug ponies slow speeds, their physical abilities clearly lacking to that of a regular pony. What they lack in speed they make up for in number however, as between myself and the 6 guards there’s at least 15-20 of those monsters. Thankfully we were the only ones armed.

I keep the spear far away from me settling for several pokes on each enemy. One I get from behind, another by using the spear more like a staff. With my advantages I’m still much worse fighting then the guards as they quickly dispatch of the rest without issue. Once finished with the fight I hurry over to Luna’s bedchamber only to be stopped by one of the guards.

“Halt! Our orders are to protect the princess and let nopony through!”

“Can’t you see we kinda need her help?!”

Clearly he seems conflicted yet doesn’t budge, “I cannot let you pass”

“Look you just saw me fight with you did you not? Clearly I’m on your side now let me in!”

He pushes me back, “I know exactly who you are and I know your importance to the princesses as well however, I have direct orders from princess Celestia to not let anypony through during emergencies no matter what!”

I drop the spear, “Either you’re gonna move or I’m going to move you”

The surrounding guards take up their spears unsure of what to do. He waves them off and drops his own. “I will oblige to your request however any injuries you receive will be to no fault of my own, got it?”

“Cmon pony, bring it”

Now here’s where you’re probably like, ‘fuck yeah he’s gonna kick that pony’s ass’. In one swift move he sweeps my legs and power slams my head with his other hoof. Dazed, my ears ring from such a serious blow. I can’t even get my legs to stand. “Stay down!”

My nose bled, he stepped slightly on the front half of my face with his slam. I pulled the spare handkerchief from my pants pocket and ripped it apart, stuffing it into my nose. Soon as I could stand again I walked back up to the stallion.

“Cmon fucker I ain’t dead”

“Human I will not hesitate to put you down, do not continue!”

Again he moves forward but this time I take advantage of my length. With a leap back at his pounce I’m still able to reach him with a punch across his face. He’s barely dazed and tackles me into the wall. With a slam I feel the wind get knocked out of me. I gasp for breath while the stallion stands near.

“Please stay down for both of us”

He turns away but I grab his leg. He stops and goes to stomp my face. Catching his leg I trip him before getting up to lift him into the air with a spin. Throwing him against the door leading into Luna’s room with a thunderous crash, his armor clunks together leaving him in serious pain. He’s tough however and quickly races his way over to me with fury in his eyes. I fail to dodge most of his of kicks until I’ve fallen down to the ground. Lifting both his hooves into the air like a wild horse he prepares to slam me one last time.

“ENOUGH!” Luna’s voice booms!

The guard with lightning speed spins around and salutes the moon princess as she approaches. Her intense and tired glare burns into the stallion until she looms over him. “Did we not specify the importance of Mr. Marshall’s health?”

She looks to my downed form with empathy before tuning back to the stallion in rage. “Your inability to follow instruction has been made clear and it would be best if you vanished from my sight at once! Make yourself useful and take this unit to the front lines, maybe there you shall find a purpose dying for the ponies of Equestria” her voice is unusually cruel and disturbing. I’d never heard her speak in such a way before.

He nods and rushes off with his spear in tow. Luna scoops me up and leans me against her into the room where I collapse onto the floor in pain. “Oh Joey what have you done! You fool! Thou could’ve died!”

“Lu you gotta help the others…” I struggle between gasps. It’s difficult to catch my breath but it feels like nothings seriously injured.

“What has happened? I don’t understand”

“Twilight was right, there’s some evil queen bug bitch fucking shit up!” I spit some blood from my mouth.

Luna begins to charge her horn, showering me in a golden glow. I can feel her healing warmth take affect almost immediately. I can only describe it as euphoric. “Has my sister not been notified of the threat?”

“That’s the thing… she lost her fight”

Luna’s focus drops for a moment causing the spell to flicker. “She has not fallen in battle has she?”

“No I think she’s fine. Probably in better shape them me” Sitting down to focus she seems in no rush. “Lu stop wasting time with this and go help them!”

“If you believe I could defeat an enemy that defeated my sister then you are a fool. I might be more skilled then her in combat however, in pure power she is much stronger”

“But you can’t do nothing!”

“It would appear right now doing nothing is our only option. We should treat thou’s wounds and access the situation instead of blindly rushing in”

“Fine, I’ll tell you all I know but it isn’t much”

“Any knowledge is an advantage”

“Okay so the queen bug is super powerful and her minions are kinda trash. There’s too many of them though for us to fight so we need to take out the queen if we have any chance. Cut the head off the snake”

“Where are the elements of harmony? Were they not with you?”

By now I feel good enough to stand up, “They were but, I thought we should split up. Twilight and the girls went to find the elements while I went to get you. By the way why were those guards not helping against the invasion?”

She shakes her head in frustration, “Likely Celestia’s doing. She worries for my safety and likely wished to protect me during my slumber” she turns to me and gives a quick hug. “We must say it was rather brave of you to leave the others to find me”

“It was the only thing I could think of”

Luna pulls the handkerchief from my nose with her magic, disposing of it in the trash. “And could thou think of a weakness this ‘bug’ pony might possess?”

“Uhh… no not really. I mean I barely got out of the throne room alive Lu”

Pacing around the room she racks her brain for an idea. “This pony defeated my sister in combat alone?”

“Technically yea but, she said something about using Shining’s love”

“Love?…. Actually an idea does come to mind”

“Alright spit it out”

“Follow me and I shall explain along the way”

We move out of her room stealthy, checking both ways down the halls before moving forward. Riding against the wall away from windows we stay quiet until we’ve reached the first floor. Luna has us travel through a secret hidden door leading to a secondary entrance into the throne room.

“Originally this path was an escape route however, we will be using it unconventionally”

I follow close behind using my height to peak over her at what’s next. “So what’s the big plan?”

She opens a large door built into the wall, peaking through a small crack she’s made to observe the throne room. “This exit is behind where the throne normally sits. Due to the wedding ceremony there is no throne so when we act we must act with precision” I nod. “Now like we told you before, princess Cadance can be more powerful then even Celestia so with the power of Shining’s love there still might be a chance”

“What about the elements? Aren’t those good enough?”

“Maybe thou should take a look” she walks backward away from the crack.

I move to investigate and see the girls trapped by some sort of green goo. Their hooves all stuck to the ground, ponies with horns stuck with goo upon their head. Cadance remained stuck with the others and Celestia, all close by each other.

“Cadance is stuck with that gross shit though. How are we supposed to get her over to Shining?”

“We were hoping for a distraction”

I give her a death stare, “Are you fucking kidding? She’s gonna kill me in like 2 seconds if I go out there”

“No that is unlikely. She hasn’t even finished any of the other prisoners she has captive. I worry she keeps them for plans much sinister than we know of” she gives me a smile. “Don’t worry! We shouldn’t let any actual harm come to thou. At worst you might find yourself entrapped like the others”

“You know I have no special powers or any fighting ability what so ever”

“That’s fine. We were hoping you’d use the skills you are good at, like meaningless conversation”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We shouldn’t waste time arguing Joey”

“Fuck…. okay. I’ll distract her and you free the others” I peek again.

The disgusting bug pony seems to be wrapped up with something else, distracted with another individual. Turning back to Luna I motion to go now. She pulls me back before I move forward, “We will go on your move”. Nodding she rushes past me through the door and hurries along the side of the wall. I creep my way across the other side of the room nervously watching the large evil mare.

Standing in front of two of her little bugs, she barks at them in anger. “WHERE IS THE LUNAR PRINCESS?! WE CANNOT GO FOWARD WITHOUT ENSURING HER CAPTURE!!”

Shaking beneath her rage the bug nods, “Sorry queen Chrysalis, we will continue our search my queen”

“Go and find her at all costs! Take as many units as you require to complete your mission lieutenant! Do not return without the princess our we shall have your essence for dessert” she licks her serpent tongue across her lips.

Saluting the two bugs fly off leaving the alter side of the throne room rather unguarded. Most of her units still remained near the entrance making this plan of Luna saving the others actually feasible. It’s the boost of confidence I need.

Looking around I grab a softball sized piece of rubble likely left from the Celestia fight. I jump out from behind a pillar and throw the rubble toward Chrysalis. She turns to see my terrible throw landing much shorter than anticipated.

“Pathetic! A feeble attem-“ her attention is draw to my body, scanning me with excitement. “What is this? Aren’t you a strange looking pony”.

Frozen in fear from her gaze I take a few seconds to respond, “Nice one coming from the mosquito”

She slowly floats over to me placing a hoof under my chin. It’s now I realize she has me in her magical grasp. Green ooze makes its way up my legs as she talks. “My my, what a strange looking individual you are indeed”

I move my head away from her hoof only to be forced back with magic. “Fuck off!” I grunt.

“Feisty!” She traces her hoof down my body lifting my shirt to expose my bare skin. “I’m rather curious to what you might be hiding underneath all those layers”

I stare over her shoulder to see the progress Luna has made. Both Twilight and Celestia are freed however my attention causes Chrysalis to spin around. “AGHK! THE MOON PRINCESS! AFTER HER!”

A large horde of buzzing bug ponies burst through the windows and entrance rushing the ponies. Given Celestia‘a weakened state she’s quickly taken down again. Luna pulls from her magic a large halberd, it’s blade a crescent moon. She swings violently into many of her endless foes, each occasionally slipping in a hit. Distracted from them Chrysalis makes her move over her and charges her horn.

“Lu!”

My words fall on deaf ears as she struck into the wall with such force that the building shakes. Smoke puffs into the air and rubble trickles from the ceiling. She lay defeated next to her halberd. I start to panic at the thought of our failure.

It didn’t work…. we’re gonna fucking die

Chrysalis faces me with her serpent stare, baring fangs. “Now we can focus on my newest treat” she hisses as she speaks.

My heart almost stops, a cold sweat coming over me. I start reliving Nightmare Night all over again. The stripping, the cold air against my body, the smell, the… feeling. I close my eyes begging for it to stop.

“Not so fast!” Twilight yells. Standing on the alter somehow both her and Cadance had made their way over to Shining.

“HA! Shining is under my control! There is no pony powerful enough here that can defeat me!”

Cadence leans into him, brushing horns against each other. Shining’s eyes seem to light up with life again. He shakes his head confused.

“W-what? What happened?”

“We must save the others my love” realizing the situation they combine their magic together creating a large glowing light emulating from their horns. It pulsates a red glow, enough to make Chrysalis attack in a panic. Her beam is stopped by another, a magic created suddenly from the couple. It’s power intensifies until a large shockwave sends the mad queen and her bugs flying away out the building. Like a Pokémon episode she blasts off like team rocket until she’s a speck in the sky.

Shining collapses into Cadance. Rubbing my wrists I notice the rest of us were freed from our bindings as well. A pink blur slams me into the ground.

“JOEY! I’m so glad you’re safe! Oh I saw you and Luna acting all sneaky and I thought you might save us and then you did that stupid and threw the rock and then the scary mare got you and I was soooo worried she might hurt you but Luna saved the others and the bad mare is gone now and-“

“Pinkie it’s okay! I’m fine”

Lifting her head to see me she has tears streaking down her face with a trembling smile. She can only nod before burying her face into me. I wrap her in a hug as Luna makes her way over to me supported by her sister.

“See? We were right, no harm to you at all”

“Luna you almost died! That plan was something out of a kids movie”

“We do not know what this ‘kids movie’ is that you speak of but, it must be rather informative to hold such full proof plans”

I shake my head, “Please don’t almost die next time Luna. It would really suck”

“We never intended to be spotted so quickly! If thou had convinced the demon more thoroughly I could’ve saved the others as well!” She pouts.

“Kinda fuckin hard when she’s giving me the rape eyes!”

She flinched at my words, “We are sorry”

“It’s fine… I’m just glad everypony is okay”

“Yes, it is rather fortunate that nopony got hurt” Celestia remarks. “And we have you and my wonderful sister here to thank. It was awfully brave of you to risk your life for the others even with your capabilities”

I roll my eyes, “I’m not handicapped…”

“No you are not but, In the face of a power greater then myself you faced adversity without hesitation”

Her praise makes me feel uncomfortable, “I didn’t have a choice really”

Twilight makes her way over to us all smiling, “Thank you for believing me Joey… it really meant a lot that somepony stayed by my side. I was worried I might be crazy!”

Shit more praise, “That mare seemed kinda shady though. It wasn’t a far stretch to believe”

A painful bite from below on my arm catches me off guard. “Stop being such a doofus and say you’re welcome!” Pinkie shouts.

We collectively laugh and I rub Pinkie poofy mane in embarrassment. She escapes my hold and places a huge kiss on my lips. Rainbow Dash whistles in the background adding to my flushed face.

“I guess you’re right Pinkie. I shouldn’t try and belittle everything I ever accomplish otherwise I never give myself a chance from the beginning. How could I hope to get any better if I don’t like the things I do that are good”

“Exactly!” Twi says while patting me on the shoulder. “It’s perfectly fine to have pride in yourself, especially if it’s well deserving!” Everypony nods in agreement leaving me unsure of what to do with the attention.

“I guess you could put that in your journal like the friendship reports I write to Celestia”

“Actually” Celestia interjects, “If your friends wouldn’t mind. I would like it if whenever any of you have something you feel is worthy of a friendship report, please do write me a letter of your own. I would love to hear the lessons” Smiling we all agree and I make sure after once we’ve cleaned up to write one of my own.

It’s the next day and the entire throne room has been cleaned. Luna now stands present beside her sister near the alter and the rest of us are back in our previous places. Twilight presents the rings and they both place them upon their horns in matrimony. Standing up we all clap and cheer, happy for the new couple on their wedding day. I whisper over to Rarity.

“Hey, what do two earth ponies do for a ring since they don’t have the horn?”

“Well it’s still common to see hoof rings haven’t you noticed?”

Thinking back? No.

We clear out the palace and head into the garden where the party his being held. Things take off fast and Pinkie rushes over to host the event leaving me alone with my drink. Checking myself out in the reflection of a window I still look dashing in my suit even with the few bandaids covering my head. I even shaved my face some and cut my hair for the occasion.

Spike makes his way over to me excited. “I thought of a really good idea for the bachelor party!”

“Lay it on me smalls” I swirl my drink before taking a sip.

“What if we went sky diving!”

I spit my drink out, “What if we didn’t!”

“But Twilight told me that Shining likes to do adventure stuff”

“How about camping? Sound good? Sounds great. All righty now that that’s planned-“

“Camping? Well I guess that works too…” he seems kinda bummed out.

“*sigh* all right we can sky dive…”

“Really? You mean it? Oh he’s going to be so excited when he hears it! The girls are really gonna miss out!”

“Uh huh” I nervously take another drink. “They sure will”

He runs off leaving me alone again. Looking around the party most the ponies are off enjoying themselves and having fun. I watch Spike run off and talk to Fluttershy next. That’s my boy! Seeing all the happy faces I can only think of one thing. Pinkie really did a good job.

“Your marefriend did a fine job with this party don’t you think so?” Celestia’s voice chimes from behind me.

“Yep… she really did” insert tense awkwardness.

We both start at the same time, “I-“

“It-“

“Sorry you first”

“No I insist”

“Celestia please god”

“I wanted to apologize to you directly”

“You don’t have to I get it. You thought-“

“No, you seem to misunderstand. What I did was unacceptable and uncharacteristic of me” I stop swirling my drink to give her my full attention. “I never intended to keep that secret from you as long as I did but, as time went on I truly believed it was the correct decision. Only now when I look back that I realize, it wasn’t my choice to make. I should’ve told you as soon as I learned. For that I completely understand if you do no wish to speak with me again. I shall grant whatever request-“

“Celestia it’s fine… really. I can’t stay mad forever over something that doesn’t even really change anything. I’m still going to be sick, and I’m still going to be friends with Luna and Twilight.” She seems confused at the relevance of the last part. “So if I’m going to be friends with them… I kinda have to make up with you. We’re probably going to be seeing each other a lot anyways”

She lowers her head with a bow, “I am humbled by your forgiveness. Perhaps I could learn a thing or two from you myself”

“Please!” I shake my hands uncomfortable with her gratitude. “Raise your head! I didn’t do anything!”

She giggles walking past me into the castle, “Ah but, you did” She’s stops short of the door. “You taught me a valuable lesson in individual freedom. Perhaps I should look into giving the ponies of my country more say over what happens. One pony clearly can’t make decisions for every pony under her rule” she flashes me a wink and then disappears into the dark hallway.

Slowly I was indoctrinating the princess into democracy. She didn’t even know. Luna interrupts my childish daydreaming and brushes her face against my own. I blush at the gesture placing a hand to the spot.

“If it isn’t my stallion in shining armor. How was thou’s conversation with my sister?”

“Good… we’re sorta on equal terms again I guess”

“Tis music to our ears! We are so proud of you!” She wraps me in a tight hug.

“Aw shucks it was nothing”

“Thank you, I’m sure it wasn’t easy to forgive her but, you won’t regret it! She is certain to be helpful to you and a good friend beyond this point, we swear it”

“Woah woah wish, who said anything about friends?”

“Surely you jest”

I shrug, “Who knows maybe one day we could be friends but, I wouldn’t count on it”

“Still, joyous news! She is sure to accept our courtship in the future!”

I look around to see if anypony heard, “Lu easy there! What if somepony heard you! I don’t need that attention right now!”

She laughs to herself, “Ah we forgot. A celebration for another time, for tonight-“ she raises a drink to mine. “We celebrate the matrimony of Cadance and Shining!”

“Hear hear!” I chant downing my whole glass. “Normally I’m not a Chardonnay type guy but, the wine here tastes like grape juice”

She moans in agreement, “Hmm, yes the finest white wine in Celestia’s collection. She wouldn’t normally pull from her own private stash except on special occasions like tonight”

Star gazing I fill my drink, “And you seemed to go all out tonight on your sky. It looks almost as stunning as you”

She blushes, “We thought we were the flirtatious one!”

“More like aggressive”

“Aggressive? I am a gentle soul”

“You bit me… twice”

“Speaking of biting, would you care to join me in having some of the cake? I haven’t had anything to eat in some time”

“Sure”

We make our way over to the large wedding cake and enjoy our slices. Some of the girls join us and we have a great time talking about the day. It’s not until Twilight makes a big announcement and sings a song for her brother and new sister-in-law that we all join together outside on the street to wish them off for the honeymoon. Twi and Shinning have a little moment and then say their goodbyes until next time. He steps into the chariot and they ride off down the street, tied cans bouncing behind them with the words, ‘Just married’ painted on the back. Spike suddenly leaps onto my shoulders nearly tipping me over.

“Wait til you see what we have planned for the bachelor party!” We all share a laugh and I give Spike a fist bump. What a weird wedding.

19 A Special Bond (CLOP)

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Like Valentine’s Day, the pony holiday know as Hearts and Hooves day happens to be very similar in the theme of love and caring for others. While single individuals back on Earth might despise the day, ponies seem to become enlightened at the thought of celebrating. Those single rather then mope around or sulk instead spend time with those close to them, enjoying the company of a good friend. In other cases it can even be a family holiday where new found relationships can finally meet each other’s families. From what I’ve gathered from the ponies I know personally, it’s supposed to be a special day for all.

This doesn’t tame my worry however. Although I’d experienced Valentine’s Day in both forms, single and not, this would be my first experience with Pinkie Pie. To say expectations weren’t already high, I had to go and court the pony holiday master. I couldn’t possibly figure out an idea that would impress her! She’s likely to have seen and thought of it all. Then there’s the gender reversed roles as well. Technically she wears the pants in this relationship… well not technically I’m still unemployed but, that’s not the point. She’s expected to make the day special for both of us and it goes against everything I’ve ever known. Of course I’d be expected to give her a gift and spend the day with her but, I wanted to make this day special! One she’d never forget… I just don’t know what to do.

I lay in bed early in the morning without my normal groggy sickness. Reaching for my collar I feel it’s already missing. Pinkie must’ve taken it off again. Sitting up I look over to Pinkies side of the bed to find it empty. The only remaining sign wrinkled up covers and a few pink hairs. She’s gotten an early rise and was getting ahead of me already. Leaping out of bed I move over to the closet to check if her present was still there. Sure enough it’s red shiny wrapping paper remains untouched. A large heart shaped card still taped to the top, lettered to Pinkie.

I can’t even explain how embarrassing it was to go out and purchase the wrapping paper and card. Ponies feel the need to be so personal and the checkout mare was excited to see my basket. I can still hear her voice now, tingeing my cheeks red at the thought. “Ooo who’s the special somepony? Oh I’m just messing with you, we all know you’re courting Pinkie. Isn’t she just the best? Blah blah blah blah blah” spare me.

If there’s one thing that really makes me uncomfortable, it’s talking about my personal life. Unfortunately, thanks to my whole kidnapping fiasco everypony knows who I am. They know about my friendship with the elements, they know where I live. Also yes, they know about me and Pinkies relationship… somehow. Well not somehow, if I had to guess Pinkie likely spilled the beans, that or Rarity. Either way it doesn’t matter anymore because it seems every fuckin pony I see already thinks they know me! Peeking out the bedroom window toward Ponyville, I can’t even think about going back into town today.

Yet I had plans so staying inside for the day was a no go. Looking around for my collar I eventually find it on the dining/living room table. Picking it up and placing it around my neck I notice it was laying atop a small note written from Pinkie.

‘Have to head into town for a few things today, I’ll be back later tonight! Try to meet with some of the girls and see how they’re doing. Also make sure you don’t come back to the house til 7!!! Love you OXOXO

P.S. Some of the girls feel extra lonely on Hearts and Hooves day so be a good colt
P.S.S. Make sure to not be home before 7 seriously!!!
P.S.S.S. Love you tons!’

She even dotted each I with a heart, how cute. My admiring of her sloppy handwriting doesn’t last long as the warning about leaving home makes me nervous. She had something planned, something big. Surely it wasn’t a party but, something for the two of us right? I wanted this day to be for us. There was no time to worry however and I headed back into my room to get dressed for the day. Slipping on the shirt I got during Hearth’s Warming, some khaki shorts and some makeshift pony tennis shoes Rarity made, I head outside ready for the day.

After a few steps of a radiating sun I remember the difference between Earth and Equestria’s weather cycle. This wasn’t Valentine’s Day and we weren’t in February. I go back inside and grab a pair of sunglasses as well as a baseball cap. Actually I don’t know if ponies call it a baseball cap, I don’t even know if they have baseball at all!

Now outside again and slightly more protected I decide to head over to Flutters house first. Given the proximity to my house and the lack of ponies along the way it was a nice start to the journey. Not even half way I begin to get a little hot. Pulling at my shirt collar it’s little relief against the punishing heat. With dry conditions and a lack of wind it’s not hard to break a sweat. Fluttershy’s cottage isn’t very far though and I’m there before I perish under the blazing sun. With a few knocks Shy opens the door apprehensively until she spots my face.

“Joey! Why are you here? I mean I… I didn’t mean to make it seem like I didn’t want to see you today but..”

“Is it wrong of me to check in on a friend?”

“Isn’t today um, Hearts and Hooves day?”

“Uh yeah and last I heard it wasn’t just for special someponies Flutters”

“Yeah I guess…” she rolls a few circles into the porch with her hoof. “I don’t mean to sound rude but… shouldn’t you be spending the day with Pinkie?”

“It’s a short story, let me tell you inside before I melt”

Stepping aside she lets me in and heads over to the kitchen to get us both a drink. I wait until she’s returned with some water to start my story. “Okay so Pinkie has something planned for later tonight and she’s pushed me out the house til then. She’s also told me to be her replacement for today in checking on the rest of you to see how you’re doing… but it’s not like I wouldn’t have anyways right?” I give a cheeky smile.

Giggling she covers her mouth bashfully, “Oh, I’m sure you would’ve Joey but, I really am fine” standing up she heads over to the window and peers out to her forest friends. “I have all my animal friends to keep me company on a day like today”

Shy’s expression tells me she’s being honest and I don’t know whether to feel happy or sad for her. It’s great to see she’s not lonely but, does she want to stay single forever? “Shy I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable by saying this but, don’t you want a special somepony eventually?”

She comes back over to sit down blushing, “Um… I guess I wouldn’t mind one… but I have you and the girls if I still feel lonely” she can’t even look my way as she talks.

Now it’s my turn to get uncomfortable, “Shy I um… maybe this is just me but aren’t you afraid of being alone in the future? I know I am”

“You have Pinkie, why would you be afraid?”

“*sigh* cause nothing lasts forever I mean what if Pinkie doesn’t love me anymore or something. Peo- ponies fall out of love sometimes don’t they?” I twiddle the top button of my shirt uncomfortable at the words leaving my mouth.

Fluttershy’s eyes soften after hearing me and she moves over to hug. I’m still a little hot and sweaty but she doesn’t seem to mind. “Joey there’s no point to worrying about that. You should enjoy the time you have now with Pinkie instead of wasting it worrying about other things. I’m sure you two will be together for a long time” she smiles.

I feel a little more content until I realize she’s changed the subject. “Wait you never answered my question, aren’t you afraid of not finding your special somepony?”

Shuffling some she answers quietly, “I was kind of hoping somepony would um… come to me first”

“It’s okay to be patient but, sometimes you have to take charge. Specially finding somepony you love. You can’t just sit around waiting while another pony takes initiative otherwise you’ll miss out! You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take Shy” thanks Wayne Gretzky for the quote.

“I don’t know… getting rejected seems sorta… scary” her voice shrinks.

“Yeah it sucks. Doesn’t suck worse than regret though and that’s the truth”

Thinking for a bit she sits back contemplating, “You’re right! I can’t sit around and let somepony else take my pony!” She says suddenly hyped up.

“Fuck yeah now go out there and tell them you like them!”

“I will!” She shouts before slowly deflating, “ ….If there was a pony I liked”

Laughing I pat her on the head, “I guess we’ll have to wait until then!”

With her newfound confidence she sits there giving me a small smile while I praise her with a few scratches behind the ear. “I’ma love somepony” she says in her toughest voice. She makes me laugh until my stomach hurts.

“Alright tough mare, I gotta head over to the next ponies house. I hope the rest of your day goes well”

“Yours too! Hopefully you and Pinkie will have a nice… whatever she has planned”

“Adios” I say shutting the door behind me. Assaulted by waves of unbearable heat I frown. “I miss the winter”

Heading into town the next closest pony from Fluttershy’s would be Rarity. Trying to avoid attention I hurry my way through the street with my head low behind my hat. It’s my best ‘I don’t have time to talk’ walk and it doesn’t work very long. A mint green mare suddenly stands in front of me blocking my way. With a quick glance to her side I see her cutie marks a harp, this isn’t some reporter trying to ask me questions.

“Are you Joey Marshall? The human that lives out by the Everfree? The one who helped catch those nasty traffickers near Canterlot and is courting Pinkie Pie? Who’s friends with princess Luna and helped defeat queen Chrysalis?!”

Okay maybe she is a reporter

With eyes now wide open and my sunglasses halfway down my nose, I readjust them and start to walk around her, “Yep, that’s me”

She starts walking with me in stride so I hurry my pace. She doesn’t get the hint and speeds up as well. “I have so many questions! What’s it like to have hands? What do you do for fun? What do you eat? Do you eat meat? Would you eat a pony?”

I stop in my tracks frustrated, “Why are you following me!?”

She gives me a stare like it’s obvious, “Cause your the only human in Equestria, duh!”

“And why do you care?”

“Because humans fascinate me!”

“You ponies never even knew what a human was until I came here”

“I did but, everypony thought I was crazy! Then bam! You arrive and now I finally got the chance to meet you. Celestia this is amazing! Can we take a picture together?” Her knowledge over humans and myself begins to get more stalker like by the second.

“Listen mare, I’m kinda busy so if you wouldn’t mind, leave me alone”

“But, but, I just met you! Can’t you sign me an autograph or something?” She pulls out a photo of me taken in secrecy almost moments ago. It’s a Polaroid picture.

“What the fuck? When did you take that?”

“Please just one photo?”

It’s by now I recognize who this mare is. I’d heard of her before but, never met. She was Lyra Heartstrings and she’s was to be avoided at all costs.

“No! You’re creeping me out and acting like a fucking stalker!”

“Oh! I’ve never heard that word before! Fucking? Is that like bucking?”

I speed walk past her until I’ve reached Rarity’s, the mare still right behind me hoping for a souvenir. Rarity opens the door surprised to see me and another mare. “Hello Joey, what brings you here with Miss. Heartstrings?”

“Rarity make the bad mare go away!”

Looking around me at the smiling Lyra Rarity sighs, “Lyra would you mind leaving my friend alone for the day? He doesn’t like strangers all that much and you’re making him uncomfortable”

“Sorry Rarity, and sorry Joey. I didn’t mean to be so… much. I’ll go now” downtrodden she walks away.

Rarity shoos me in angrily, “Now why did you make me do that! Miss Heartstrings would’ve loved to have talked with you if you were willing to give the time”

“She was flippen following me the whole way here even after I told her to stop!”

“She’s fascinated with humans dear. It’s likely this won’t be the last meeting between you two anyway” she walks into the next room as she talks.

Following her into the back, it’s one of the few times I’ve ever been in this room. Delicate silks and tapestry line the walls and pony mannequins surround the entrance. Their pony counterparts aren’t nearly as frightening as a human mannequin. The rest of the room teemed with various dresses and outfits scattered across the floor. Things were definitely less messy last time back here.

“What even are you doing here Joey? Don’t you know what day it is?”

I lean against the wall beside her as she works on an outfit, “Oh you know, just sharing the love around”

“You should be sharing your love with Pinkie” she says still distracted with her work.

I pretend to be a little shocked at the phrase, “Wow Rarity that’s awfully raunchy from a sophisticated mare like yourself” She gives a deadpan look. “Okay not funny… I’m just checking with all you girls until 7. Pinkies got something planned and kicked me out my house til then so”

Her ears perk up, “It would seem some pony has a big night ahead! Oh you’ll have to fill me in with all the details the next time we meet!” She giddily stomps her hooves.

“What? No absolutely not! That’s- “ I realize then she’s joking… hopefully. “Yeah she probably has something crazy planned, who knows”

“Something crazy? Dear do you not understand what today means for you two? Why it is a day for couples to reimburse their vows or for young lovers to share intimate time together, a night they’ll surely never forget. I still remember my first Hearts and Hooves day, it was in a carriage whe-“

“No thank you Rarity, keep your nasty love story in your thoughts please”

Smirking she motions closer towards me, “Are you nervous about what Pinkie has planned?”

“No” I say a little too fast.

“You mustn’t forget she’s a mare first before she’s Pinkie. I’m sure she has some wonderful gift for you” she motions me close for a whisper. “And I bet it’s her”

I step away very uncomfortable now, “Okay Rarity I’m glad to see your doing okay though so I think I should head out” I turn around bumping into a few of her mannequins knocking them over.

Tripping to catch the one I get up hastily and continue my retreat. “Goodbye Darling! Do tell Pinkie I’m excited to hear about how the gift turned out!”

I step outside finally catching a breath and It’s a hot one cause it’s still fucking a billion degrees out.

What did she mean by gift? Did she know what Pinkie had planned?

I shake my head ignoring Rarity’s weird comment, chopping it up as nonsensical words coming from a romance deprived mare. She’s sure to find a pony for herself one day, although it should’ve been Spike. My missions starts again and I make my way over to Twilights library.

The day was still young and my journey was surprisingly taking much less time then I anticipated. Maybe I should’ve talked more at Shy’s and Rarity’s but it was too late now. Looking to the cloudless sky I can only wonder how I’ll check in on Dash, she could be anywhere. Given her houses ability to float and move plus my lack of wings, it was completely up to Dash whether or not we met today. I move on from thinking about her and reach the library with only a few extra stares. Another pony even asked for a picture as well.

Waltzing into the closed library without knocking I would need to keep searching if I were to find Twilight with no pony presence within the first room. Pushing the door open into her living quarters there’s also a lack of life at first glance. “Where the fuck is she?”

“Joey?” Spike asked from behind the kitchen counter, popping his head up at my voice.

“Hey what’s up man?”

“Nothing really… I was going to go to Rarity’s but after thinking about it I’m not really sure I want to anymore” he seems bummed.

Time to initiate bro mode, “You can’t let Rarity’s rejection hold you down! Cmon Spike you’re better than that”

“I’m not letting it affect me at all! I just thought about it and I’m sure she’s really busy today seeing how it’s Hearts and Hooves day”

“I was just at Rarity’s, she wasn’t busy at all”

“Really? That’s surprising…”
…
…

“So are you going over there?”

He bites his lip, “Okay! I might be a little bothered still by the whole Rarity thing but, I’m telling you I’m fine. I’m sure Twilight would love my company today anyways”

I frown and pick him up, walking him to the door under my arm. He’s much heavier than he looks despite being slightly smaller than most ponies. Kicking against me he fights to escape.

“What are you doing? Let me go!”

“You’re going to spend this day with one of two mares dammit whether you like it or not!”

“What?!! No! I’m not going to Rarity’s!”

“Sounds like you’re going to Flutters then” Reaching the door I fumble to twist the doorknob with his struggling. He escapes kicking my stomach in the process hard enough to bring me to my knees. “Oof”

“Sorry!” He shouts uncertain of my reaction while I twist in pain on the ground.

“Ugh, damn dude… you hit me hard as hell”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to kick you I was just trying to not fall!”

“Yeah you can pay me back by going to Shy’s house otherwise she’s gonna turn into a crazy cat mare in a few years” I say from the ground still.

“A crazy cat mare?”

“Mm hmm, oh god my gut…. go over there alright before I get up and grab you again”

“But-“

“I’m getting up!” I start pulling myself up causing him to rush out the door with a slam. Soon as the coast is clear I go back to writhing in pain, bluffing my ability to stand. “Ow….”

“Quit being such a baby dude” Rainbow jokes while poking me with a hoof.

I glance up at her confused, “Why are you here? Where’s Twilight?”

She shrugs, “I was hoping you knew!”

“Then how did you get in here? I walked in the front door and never saw you” She points to an open window swinging in the breeze. “Shut the window you heathen, you’re letting in the hot air!”

“Alright jeez, you sound like my dad”

“Maybe you should’ve listened to him more if you think letting in all the hot air is okay” I say feeling well enough to get up.

She shuts the window and gives me a bow, “There, happy?”

“Very now where’s Twilight”

“Weren’t you listening? I just said I don’t know, I was looking for her too!”

“Shit, I was gonna check in on how she’s doing today”

“Huh? Aren’t you supposed to be with Pinkie or something today? What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing pride month”

“Pride mon- what does that even mean? Where’s Spike I’m sure he knows”

I point back to the door, “Just left, I didn’t think to ask him cause I didn’t know she was gone”

She frowns angrily, “Nice going doofus. Now what do we do!?”

“You could always go flag him down for us both”

“In this heat? Heck no! It’s like pony melting weather out there! My house can’t even hold together without evaporating right now”

“You’re being lazy because I know you just said you flew through that very window right there which means you’ve been flying around anyways and I’m not even going to bother to question about your weird cloud house”

“You’re the one being lazy! How come you’re not going on a date with Pinkie right now?”

“Cause she’s got something planned later and kicked me out my house, putting me on Pinkie duty today! Speaking of which, how the fuck are you?!”

She crosses her hooves, “I was fine until I ran into your stupid ass! I mean how do you not think to ask Spike where she is before he leaves?”

“Why the fuck would I ask him that if I thought she was home?”

“Why do you think she was home in the first place? It’s Hearts and Hooves day, she could be on a date!”

“Then why are you here huh?”

“…I was hoping Twi could help me find the next Daring Do book…”

I pause ready to burst but stop myself, “What if I help you instead?”

Her ears rise hearing my proposal, “Really? You’d do that?”

“Eh, who knows. Maybe she’ll come back home before we find it”

“Yes! This is sick! I can’t wait to read it so let’s hurry up and find it” she leads the way back down into the library.

What at first seemed like a easy task drastically changed after the first 15 minutes. 15 minutes stretched to 30, then an hour. We had multiple piles of books pulled out at this point, settling for messier techniques to save time. My patience by now had grown thin. I still needed to check on Twilight and Aj and I was running out of time.

“Are you sure Twilight even has this book? We’ve been searching for over an hour!”

“I knows she does!” She says chucking books behind her. “She even said I could borrow it once I finished the last one”

“Ughhhhh!” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Why did I even volunteer to help you”

“Cause you’re a great friend now keep looking”

I sit back defeated, “I’m surprised you haven’t lost your patience by now. Usually it’s impossible to keep you cooped up this long”

She turns to me with a serious expression, “It’s Daring Do, I need to read it” I lay on my back rolling my eyes.

At this point I given up and decide messing with Dash was much more entertaining, “How are those new shades I bought ya?”

“Not going to lie, they’re kinda growing on me. Honestly at first I was super pissed when I saw they were all pink but, they’re kinda sick. Probably because I'm wearing them though, makes them at least 20% cooler”

That didn’t work. Let’s try again, “Is this the book?”

“Where?!” She flys over in a heartbeat. Checking the cover her smile reverses. “Oh my bad, this is a ‘Do it yourself book’. My bad, I saw the do and thought-“

“Less talking, more searching” she floats back over to her section.

“How come you even like those books? Aren’t they for like kids?” She doesn’t know the word kids but can easily assume what I meant.

“The Daring Do series are the best books in Equestria! You wouldn’t know that though seeing how you’re too stupid to read”

“Illiterate. The word you’re looking for is illiterate and no, I can read I just choose not to read little filly books like you”

“If you don’t shut up I’ll show you why they’re the best books in Equestria and do a few of her sick fighting moves on you!” She does a few flying kicks in the air.

“Wish you’d show me a good time instead, this shit is booooring” she blushes at my comment.

“If you’re not gonna help then how about you just leave”

I sit up from laying on my back, “How about Twilight comes home already”

Glancing forward from where I lay I spot the book. Squinting my eyes to make sure it is indeed the one Dash needs. Taking a look her way to see if she’s paying attention, I grab it and hide it under the pile next to me.

“What about a bet”

“What kind of bet” she doesn’t bother to look my way.

“If I find the book before you do then you gotta tell me your last crush”

“Why’s it have to be so sappy?”

“Spirit of Hearts and Hooves day darling”

“And what do I get?”

“I don’t know, you decide”

“How about you have to read Daring Do”

“Okay that’s fair now shake on it” sure enough she shakes my hoof. “Alright now let’s begin”, I let at least 10 seconds go by before I pull the book from the pile. “Found it! Looks like I win” I smirk.

“What?!? No fair! How long have you know where it was?”

“About 2 minutes” she flys by me and snatches the book from my hands.

Her eyes practically glow reading over the cover, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!!!” She notices my stare, hands at my hips. “*Ahem* thank you”

“Where’s my answer Rainbow? Spill the beans”

She lands shuffling awkwardly, “Hehe, what if I say I’ve never really had one?”

“Then I’d say you’re lying” I sit down on the check in desk in anticipation. “Cmon, there’s gotta be ONE pony you like. It doesn’t even need to be a pony you like anymore, it can even be somepony you thought was hot before”

Her blush intensifies heavily, “Umm, yeah how about I do something else instead? I mean I don’t what this to be awkward between us and-“

“What are you two doing here?” Twilight asks from the living quarters doorway.

“Twilight!” Dash zips over to her. “I came over to find that next Daring Do book you said I could borrow but, I thought you weren’t home so me and Joey looked for it and found it instead”

“Well of course I’m home, didn’t you bother to knock on my bedroom door?”

Dash slowly turns my way to see the fire within me growing, “Hehe, I guess I didn’t think about that. I oughta get going though, gotta read this book!”

“No hold up!” I shout but, she’s quick to run by Twilight and fly out the same window she entered from.

She leaves it open again and Twilight uses her magic to close it, both of us now back in her living room. “Ugh, Dash never understands how important it is to keep my windows shut when she flys in here! I’ve told her at least a hundred times by now”

“For real? I totally barked at her for the same thing earlier”

“At least somepony gets it. Anyway what brings you here today?” Her tone shifts to excitement, “Did you bring me a gift for Hearts and Hooves day?” She blushes. “I’ve been sorta busy so I didn’t really think of getting you anything… and we haven’t really talked about us in a while so I wasn’t sure if I should”

I feel a little bad at her assumption but, it’s her fault for jumping to conclusions anyway, “Sorry to disappoint you but, I didn’t bring a gift” she pouts for a second, snapping back to normal as I keep talking. “Actually I came over to see how you were doing. Pinkies got some sort of fiasco planned for me when I go home so I have to stay out the house until she’s done”

“That sounds interesting, I wonder what she’s got planned? I don’t think Pinkies ever had a coltfriend on Hearts and Hooves day”

“Ah jeez, that probably means I’m in for something big”

Giggling Twi walks past me back into her bedroom, “Since you’re here could you help me with something I was working on?”

“Sure” I follow behind her.

I’d only been in Twilights room a couple of times but one thing I remember is that it’s massive in comparison to normal bedroom proportions. It’s not only double leveled, it also has its own balcony as well. Her bed sits at the end of the room and at the highest point where the rest of the room is almost like circular shaped steps away from the bed. There’s even a little collection of books that are Twilights personal favorites to the left side. Having such a nice bedroom truly makes her spoiled without even realizing it. She marches over to the balcony where her telescope sits indoors away from the balcony glass doors. Most of her shades were up likely to fight against the heat.

“See my telescope can only look so far so I ordered this new magnifier to put in it but, I can’t really get it to fit without worrying about breaking it”

“And you want me to use my delicate hands to do it instead?”

“Yes” she laughs, “If that’s what you want to call them”

“Alright seems easy enough” she hands me the glass circular object and following her instructions it doesn’t take long before I place it together.

She looks through the scope while I fumble with it some more, testing the lenses as I ready it. “Okay I think you got it, let me see”

She climbs right in front of me bumping my chest to see. Before I can make a silly comment about personal space she turns around nearly face to face with me on two hooves. “You got it…” she seems to notice the proximity by now, faintly coloring her face red. “So what now”

I gulp unsure what to do. Does she want me to do something? I back away nervously. “Sorry about that, heh”

“No, I didn’t mean to… Joey we should probably talk about what we said in the hospital. I don’t want things to stay weird between us any more”

“Okay… let’s do that” We both stand there awkwardly a little longer. “You start”

“Ok, um… I… I really do like you Joey and if you and Pinkie were okay with it..”

She doesn’t need to continue, “I… I am okay with it but, I’m not” she doesn’t react instead waits patiently for me to explain. “I keep telling myself that I’m fine with courting more than one mare but, when I think about it… it just feels really weird. Like I’d be unfaithful to Pinkie”

“How about I explain herding a little more for you, would that maybe help?”

“Please”

“So in Equestria, stallions with herds generally have a dominant mare among the pack that is considered the primary relationship. Even though it’s expected for each mare to be loved the same, there still is one individual considered the original or primary mare. In some larger herds there’s sometimes even multiple stallions and multiple primary relationships but that doesn’t change the fact everypony involved is both willing and in love with the stallion in question”

“Wait the stallions are gay?”

“Huh? Oh hehe, no silly they don’t have to be gay. It’s just to maintain larger herds”

“So you’re saying Pinkie would still be my marefriend and you would be like, friends with benefits? I don’t really like the sound of that, it’s unfair to you”

“No, I’d be your marefriend as well but, you’d prioritize Pinkie” I sit down to wrap my head around the whole thing. “I’d still expect you to treat me like we’re courting though and not like it’s some secret fling”

“Trust me I wouldn’t do that… I’m just trying to rationalize this to myself to make it okay” placing my hands in my head, it really is a difficult hurdle.

“Why not act like we’re courting from this day on and see how it goes? You’ll never know how it’ll actually feel unless you try it”

“Aren’t you worried I might be even worse about it after? What if I don’t like it?”

“Then you don’t have to court me” she says it so carefree. “I’d much rather see you happy and if that means staying with just Pinkie then that’s okay with me” she trots over patting me on the shoulder.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts I let out a deep exhale to settle down. “Alright, I’ll talk it with Pinkie sometime this week. I promise”

She gives me a genuine smile, hugging me in the process. “Thank you”

I hug back happy to call her a friend, “You’re an angel”

“If that’s what you want to call me” she sheepishly remarks.

We sit there until I remember about Lulu as well. She’d skin me if she heard I was courting Twilight before her. “By the way, I might um… court Luna as well, hehe” I rub the back of my neck nervously.

“Princesses Luna?” I slowly nod. “Huh, I didn’t realize you two were that close”

“Well… I mean we have a lot of similarities and we both enjoy each other’s company…”

Twi lowers her voice, “Did she bully you into this?”

“No! Okay a little but, it’s something I was willing to try out… like us”

“But you definitely like me more right?” She confidently asks.

“I uh.. I thought you said it doesn’t matter and that I should love you all the same”

“Of course it matters! I don’t want to be the last option!”

“There’s no options! It’s all of us or none”

She magically throws a pillow at me strutting across the room to her bed. “You can’t weasel your way out of this forever. Soon enough your actions will speak louder then your words”

“But, you said… Twi!”

“No buts! Now get over here and brush my mane for making me put up with this”

I walk my way over to her hesitantly, “Wha- when did you get so aggressive?”

After a nice Twi pamper session, I glance at the clock to see it’s 5:50. If I wanted to be back home on time I’d need to hurry over the Sweet Apple Acres soon. “Twi?” I ask.

She stirs awake, sleeping in my lap from the brush and scratch session. “Whu- hmm?”

“I gotta go check on Aj still and it’s almost 6”

“Aj? Mmm she’s fine… toughest mare I know”

“Twilight I should at least check, cmon get up”

She makes herself limp, “No! You never do this stuff for me anymore, I want this as long as you can manage”

“Stop being such a selfish poop and get up!”

“Selfish? Would a selfish pony have bought you a box of chocolates?” Suddenly a large heart shaped box of milk chocolate appears before me on the bed.

“Twilight what’s this?”

“I lied earlier, I really did buy you a gift. I just didn’t want you to feel bad when I realized you didn’t have one for me”

I grab the box admiring the choices, “Twi… you shouldn’t have”

“Enjoy them, it’s from my favorite chocolate shop”

“Now I have to get you something”

She smirks, “A few more minutes of brushing wouldn’t be too bad”

“I really don’t have time so you’ll have to settle for this” I lean forward placing a kiss upon her lips. As passionate as it might be, it doesn’t last long leaving a lingering urge for more. “Sorry but, I really gotta go” she doesn’t argue, instead still lost in my kiss.

Leaving the tree home I rush my way over to Sweet Apple Acres in the still dry Ponyville. Passing the town limit I come over the hill toward her farm with a nice sweat going. While not entirely drenched, my shirt was sticking to my back and chest in some points. The summer heat practically pulls the energy from my body, seeping out through waves of sweat. “Imagine I was dog” I mutter coming up to the front door. “No sweat, just panting… wouldn’t that be great”

Knock, knock, knock

“GRANNY CAN YA GET THE DOOR!”

“I TOLD YA I WAS KNITTING A SWEATER FOR YER BROTHER! I AIN’T GETTIN IT!”

“GOSH DARN GRANNY Sm-…” I hear Aj’s hoof steps approach the door. I pull at my shirt for some circulation.

Pulling the door open a very sweaty Aj stands there wearing an apron, “Hey there Joey! Whatcha doin round here at this time? Ain’t ya supposed to be with Pinkie?”

“Oh I was just checking- “

“You ain’t here to give me a present or something are ya?” I frown. “I’m jus kiddin, go on”

“Pinkies got something planned at 7 and wanted me out the house til she’s done. She also wanted me to check on all of you for her today so here I am”

“Well ain’t that sweet of ya, how bout you come inside a have a slice of apple pie straight out the oven. I’m sure you haven’t had a chance to eat today”

My grumbling stomach agrees, “Actually that’d be great, I’m starving”

“Alright! Come on in and follow me” the cowpony leads me into their kitchen to a seat at a small table. Across on the only other seat sits her younger sister Apple Bloom.

“Hiya there mister! You’re one of Aj’s friends um… Jokey?”

“Joey, Apple Bloom, and ignore her. She’s in trouble for what she tried to pull earlier today. Her and her friends”

“The crusaders right? What did they do?”

“We didn’t do nothin wrong on purpose! We just wanted Big Mac to get along with Miss Cheerilee that’s all”

“By get along did you mean court?” Apple Bloom blushes in embarrassment cowering at the words.

I laugh, “That’s adorable. Did it work?”

“Maybe…” she twiddles her fork unsure.

“Alright you two, here’s two slices of famous Apple family apple pie. Enjoy” she tips her hat.

Extravagant. That’s the word that comes to mind with my first bite and I’m not even an apple pie guy! “Wow, this is really good”

“Mm hmm!” Bloom hums with a mouth full.

“I’m just glad you enjoy it. Thanks for comin over just to check on me sugar. That was an awfully nice thing of you to do”

I brush her praise off, “No problem but, I’m only covering for Pinkie. I’m sure she’d bring a whole lot more to the table than I ever could”

She pulls up a chair and sits beside us with her own plate, “That don’t mean we don’t like talking with ya. Plus Pinkie can be a bit much sometimes if ya catch my drift”

I nod in agreement, “I get ya” I enjoy the rest of my pie without talking.

“What did you and Pinkie do for Hearts and Hooves day?” Bloom asks.

“Guess every pony knows about us” Aj laughs awkwardly.

“That’d be my fault. At least for Apple Blooms case”

“Well little Aj, we haven’t done anything yet. Apparently there’s a surprise waiting for me back home in-“ I glance to the clock. “-about 30 minutes”

“What’d ya get her?”

“Apple Bloom! That’s personal!”

“No that’s fine. I got her a few things. First, I got her some chocolates cause I know she loves candy. Then, I got her a bracelet that says MarshyPie with her cutie mark and last I got a bunch of our pictures framed for the house. I got the wedding, Hearths Warming, our first date”

“Ain’t that a lovely gift. I’m sure she’ll like the last one best”

“Yeah I’m excited to see her reaction” Just the thought of her happy face makes me smile uncontrollably.

“I can tell” Aj smiles. “I hope you survive whatever she has planned for you big guy”

We share a laugh, “Me too!”

“You’ll have to tell me about it later”

“Eh, who knows. It might not be something we can discuss aloud”

Bloom tilts her head, “How come?”

“Finish your pie and stop talkin with your mouth open”

I laugh, eat some more pie and talk a little longer until I feel it’s time to head home. Sharing my thanks and waving goodbye, I make my way back home in the still sun scorched Equestria. I had to smell by now, I was completely sticky and hot. Hopefully I can take a bath before Pinkie smells me.

Approaching the door my house seems silent. With a slow push into the abode I look around for signs of Pinkie. Empty. Peeking down the hall to my room I see a faint light, likely from some candles. Taking the chocolate from Twi and dropping them on the table, I Step closer to notice the shades are pulled down cascading the room in darkness.

“Pinkie?” No response. “Pinkie so help me god you’re going to give me a heart attack if you pop out of somewhere” but pop up she never does.

Did I get home too early?

Looking at the clock, it’s 7:05. I was right on time. Confused, I decided to take a bath quick before she gets back from where ever she is. I could tell by my room she had been setting it up for something likely not PG-13. With a flick of my match and a light of the candle I am shocked at the sight before me. Pinkie sat directly center of the bathtub filled with water. She was shaking slightly as if she was cold.

“H-hey b-big g-guy, y-you m-m-mind warming m-me up?” She says with a wink.

“Pinkie what are doing?” I move over to feel the water, it’s cold. “This water isn’t even hot, how long have you been in here?”

“I knew y-you’d b-be hot so I s-stared a c-cold bath”

“That’s really nice of you Pinkie but, I don’t want you to catch a cold sitting in there!”

“T-then hop in!” She playfully exclaims.

I wanna argue but, I’m worried for her so I go to pull her out. Noticing this she pulls me into the bath with her fully clothed. I’m fully drenched from head to toe, my best shirt soaked.

“Pinkie!” I shout blinded by the water. I can feel her huddle against me.

“F-feel better?” Truthfully I did.

I wrap my arms around her trying to warm her up best I can. “Wrap around me goofball before you freeze” she snatches on to me with a few shivery giggles.

“Ooh you’re warm” she coos, rubbing her face into my neck while we hug facing each other. Leaning back into the tub wall I start to adjust to the water’s temperature, slowly getting colder by the second.

“Pinkie we gotta get out and refill this sucker, I’m not taking a bath in water this cold”

“But you’re already taking a bath! I might as well start washing you off!” Giddy she pulls at my shirt. It’s soaked material sticks to me making it much tougher then she expected. “Come on you… Joey help me”

“I’m already getting cold, I don’t wanna strip down!”

She stands up on two legs with her hooves at her hips, “In a survival situation, if a ponies clothes gets wet it’s best to strip down to avoid getting colder”

“Who are you now, Bear Grylls?” I start taking the shirt off.

“And the pants”

“And the pants..” I take those off as well leaving me in my underwear.

“And the-“

“Ugh fine just don’t… actually I don’t even care anymore” I take them off as well throwing them into the pile of wet clothes on the side with a plop.

We stay huddled together in the cold tub not wanting to make a move away from each other. Her body heat against my bare skin progressively started stirring things inside of me. It wouldn’t be long before she got a friendly visitor between us.

“You’re stinky!”

“Yeah I know, I had to run around town so a certain pony could fill a bath tub. For real though why couldn’t I come home before 7?”

She blushes heavily, “I… I was nervous and I needed time to get my thoughts straight. I know how wonderful you are and I didn’t want to disappoint you on our first Hearts and Hooves day!” She buries her face into my chest, “I had something else planned to be honest… but I got scared”

I can feel her heartbeat against mine, it’s rapid. She’s clearly still nervous even now. “To be honest I was worried about today too, I didn’t want to disappoint you either”

“Disappoint me? You could never do that silly”

“Same goes for you… I don’t think you could ever let me down”

Smiling she kisses my cheek, “Let’s get you washed up so we can get out and warm up!”

“Please, I’m starting to freeze”

Like the times before she washes me however this time without any privacy hiding what’s below. She doesn’t bother to take a peek, instead focuses on getting me cleaned up so we can quickly warm up. Not much later we get out and dress in our pajamas. We lay by the fire with our gifts. My bright red box rests before her and my present still remained wrapped.

“Okay can I open it now?”

“Yep, go ahead” I hold her camera up to catch her reaction.

She hides her face, “Noooo! No photos, that’s not fair!”

“But it’s for the future!”

“No no no!”

Sighing, I hand it over with a pout. Gleefully she takes it and begins ripping through her present. Pulling out the chocolates first she opens the box immediately and starts eating them. “Wow, these are really good!” She says with her mouth still full.

“Gross close your mouth when you eat” I boop her nose. “Put the chocolate down and keep going”

“There’s more?” She digs deeper finding the bracelet. Reading the words she slips it on and jumps over to hug me. “It’s super cute! I love it!”

“There’s one more”

“What?!” She tears back into the box stopping with a halt. “Are these…” she pulls out a photo of us at the wedding posing for a picture. We both wrapped around each other making two weird faces toward the camera. She slowly lowers the frame with a few tears brimming in her eyes. “I… I love…”

I wrap her up, ecstatic to see her so happy. The warmth her reaction brings to me is worth more than anything in the world. It’s tough not to squeeze her too tight. “I love you Pinkie”

“I l-love you!” She wipes the tears from her eyes and pulls away. “Now *sniff* it’s time for your gift”

“Where is it?”

Her blush returns only this time it’s the largest I’ve ever seen from her, “Close your eyes until I say otherwise” Closing them I hear her run off back toward the bedroom. There’s a few sounds of a pony tumbling around until her hooves start to make their way back to me. “Okay, y-you can open them”

The Pinkie standing before remains as cute as ever however, adorning all four hooves are white long socks nearly reaching her torso. Each displaying a multitude of black balloons and hearts which grow in numbers the closer to the floor. Glancing up her legs it’s very noticeable the distance change of color from her otherwise Pink body. It’s an adorable pony maid outfit colored black covering the blushing mare. She’s even got a little bonnet.

“What d-do you think?” She gives a small twirl, still blushing feverishly.

I was never one for role play or at least I figured, it was something I never tried before. Now getting to see Pinkie dressed the way she is now, I can comfortably say she was adorable. “You are adorable, I could just…” I move over to hug her, “Eat you!”

She hurdles my attack, “What?!? Doesn’t seeing me dressed like this make you go crazy?!”

“I mean your cute. I don’t know if I’d say it’s very… sexual”

Pouting she bits her lower lip in thought. “Rarity said this outfit would ‘be sure to make any stallion riled up at just the sight’!” She gives her best regal impression. “It really doesn’t make you… you known” I pretend to be oblivious. “I’m not gonna say it out loud Joey!”

I can’t hold back my laughter, falling onto my back. Pinkie was truly flustered beyond belief. I’d likely never see her this embarrassed again. She stomps her hooves. “Oh hahaaa oh my…” she stares daggers my way. “Listen it looks great! How about this, we go into some role play or something and see where it goes”

“But” her ears sink, “Don’t you like my gift?”

“Of course love, you’re absolutely beautiful and you’d be beautiful in any outfit you wore” Her smile is small and seemingly unconvinced. “Pinkie I don’t need a gift from you on any holiday because every day I get to spend with you is my gift. Knowing that you’re here for me and that you love me is plenty. Honestly I feel spoiled”

“This wasn’t the only gift” she slowly pulls the bonnet off. “I also got you this ring” waking over to her saddle bag she pulls out a small silver ring shaped for a human finger. Something like this would’ve been difficult to obtain given most pony jewelry is precisely made for horns and hooves. She would’ve needed to find a non pony manufacturer. As she places it in my hand I notice it comes with small lettering etched on the side however, It’s written in a language I can’t read.

“What does it say?” She meets my stare.

“It’s in poniesh and it’s a word I can’t really pronounce hehe, but I do know what it means! Twilight told me it means ‘once half, now whole’. Supposed to be some fancy pants way ponies used to pronounce their love”

I fiddle with the ring in my fingers admiring the lettering. Almost squiggly like as if it wasn’t a language at all. I’d see it before in Celestia’s private library so I wasn’t doubting Pinkie. “I love it” I place it on my finger. “Not as much as your first gift. I mean the look on your face was priceless” she tackles me onto the ground. “Hey! Alright I really like them both!”

“You better! Pinkie had to try real hard to find somepony willing to make a ring that size and do you know how hard it is to measure a finger while a ponies sleeping?”

“Why are you talking in third person and why did you get me a ring? Isn’t this something y’all do for matrimonial purposes like humans?”

“It’s not a wedding ring silly! Ponies like to wear rings sometimes for style… aaand it may also be a place holder so other mares leave you alone” Pinkie looks away innocently.

Chuckling to myself I turn her head toward me and give her my sincere gratitude with a half lidded smile, “I love you”

Her still red face breaks into a large dopey smile until it’s interrupted with a kiss. Greedily I hold her close for more, nearly for an entire minute. We pull apart with a gasp, a strand of saliva stretching out between our lips. With a wipe and a few giggles things become passionate in a hurry. Hot labored breaths, a light sweat, and pure silence only interrupted by gasps for air before coming together again.

**CLOP BELOW THIS POINT/ THE NEXT BOLD LETTERS WILL SIGNIFY THE END**

Pinkies the first to talk with her face heavily flushed red and a desperate plea in her eyes. “Can we… go to the bedroom” her hot breath against my neck riles me up even more.

“Mm hmm” I murmur while picking her up into my arms. Hugged around my front, we still continue to kiss while my arms wrap around her lower back. So distracted by her tongue it takes much longer then it normally should. I toss her on the bed so that she faces me, then climb up to pin her below me.

We’re both more then eager now, our once delicate nerves now dissipated in a heated wrestle. She reaches down between us and begins rubbing a hoof against my groin. It’s a surprise to see her take lead but, I’m all for it. The soft friction against my dick added onto Pinkies light moans make my pants become tight. Blinded by the feeling she flips me over and moves down, her head hovering just below my waist. With hungry eyes she bites my pants and pulls until she’s undone the button. I watch while she slowly lowers them with both hooves inspecting her prize with excitement.

Now I can’t lie and say I wasn’t worried at this point. A bunch of questions ran through my head. Was I large enough? Would she think I look weird? Would she be disgusted? I was even worried that I might freak out because of what happened Nightmare Night. I was internally panicking yet frozen in place. If there was going to be an issue it was too late now.

With a final tug, the only thing protecting my little guy from Pinkie would be a tent shaped pair of boxer briefs. Checking to see my expression she runs her hoof down the length of my cock lightly. I shudder at her touch. Glancing to see that I’m still okay, she continues. With a slight pause as my dick gets stuck, she pulls fast making it snap forward. She flinches in reflex at it’s reveal. It’s much to embarrassing to look her way so I focus elsewhere. Holding it with a hoof she inspects closer about an inch or two away from her face. Noticing that I’m looking away she blows a whiff of cold air onto my tip causing me to tense up. She lightly bats it around some before giving it a little boop.

“I like it! It’s cute!” She pulls it forward some to make it snap back. “And it’s all springy!”

“It’s not a toy. Me and this little guy have been through a lot together. You could even say we’re brothers”

“He does look like you”

“Did you just say I look like a penis?” She giggles hopping onto my stomach.

“Now let’s get the rest of your clothes off”

“Yes ma’am!” I shout pulling my shirt off as fast as I can.

Now completely naked, even with the hot summer weather I start to feel cold being so bare. Pinkie presses her hooves down onto my chest for leverage and begins to grind against me. The feeling is noticeably wet on my cock yet it’s clear she’s wearing some sort of panties. A few moans slip out my mouth causing her to pick up her pace. I become painful erect at this point, bothered by her deliberate teasing. Grabbing hold of her dress at the shoulders, I pull it off toward me leaving the mare with only her socks and black panties on. I didn’t even know ponies had panties. Now exposed she sits down on my stomach hiding her face with one hoof.

“Okay maybe I see why you’d feel uncomfortable not wearing clothes now” I reach down placing my hands on her hips and slowly pull the panties down her legs, throwing them to the side. The hoof she was using to hide her face quickly moved to cover her privates. Blushing she can’t keep eye contact. “Ummm maybe you don’t have to look I mean I know my body and it’s not a pretty sight so let’s just cont-“

I sit up pulling her into a kiss. Accidentally in doing this I place our privates against each other, any movement causing us to grind. She stops kissing to let out a moan. Hearing her voice make such intimate sounds only adds to my throbbing desire. I need her.

“Pinkie… I want you so bad” we stay pressed together.

“I need it… please” she moans, slowly grinding against my cock, coating it in her sex.

Placing her on her back I use a pillow to lift her hips up so that we align. Placing the tip at her entrance at look for approval which is given by a nod. She closes her eyes as I slowly advance into her, the tight pressure fully envelops me in ecstasy. Once fully inside of her I go on until our hips meet, stopping at the hilt. She places a hoof against my stomach, “Oh… ohk-k-kay, that’s enough” I lean forward onto my elbows inches from her face waiting for her eyes to open. Slowly she meets my stare with a dazed smile, “You feel a lot bigger then you look”

I kiss her a few times, “And you feel wonderful”

She peeks down at our hips, “It feels like your in my stomach”

“I probably am”

She wiggles some still holding me with a hoof, “Can we stay like this for a bit? Its really tight” I nod while laying my head beside her.

Enjoying the moment it truly feels like she’s prefect for me, a fitted body to match mine in loving pleasure. Like that ring said, I felt whole. Like we were one person/pony now, connected at the hip. Her warm and wet grasp held my cock firm in its embrace. I didn’t want this to ever end, wishful for an eternity wrapped in each other’s arms, connected in the most private and delicate of ways. There was no going back from this point, we’d go beyond the normal bonds of friendship or love, to a place where my body was Pinkies and her body mine. Nothing would be considered too intimate at this point between us.

“I think I’m ready now”

“I’ll go slow” Leaning up I slowly retreat myself stopping short of the tip before advancing again. Her body feels like electricity running through my dick with each repetition. I can feel her try to hold me inside as I pull back.

Checking to see if she’s okay, her eyes stayed closed and she almost appeared in pain. If it wasn’t for her moans I wouldn’t have hesitated as long but, eventually I worry. “You okay?”

She’s doesn’t even speak, instead nods rapidly while holding me firm with her hoof. I take her other hoof in my hand and hold it while I start to build a pace. Instinctually she meets my hips at certain points causing us to lose speed and restart. We keep at this until we reach a matched rhythm, our hips smacking at the same time. Each stroke build to my pleasure driving me to speed up. Increasing our speed I begin to slam into her hard enough to make a wet plop. Looking to see the cause, her sex builds up at the base of my cock leaving behind a rather slippery looking visual. We sped up again this time rapidly, Pinkies moans become almost shouts with each slam audibly changing her voice like bumps on a car ride. I meet her mouth with a kiss as we fuck away. Eventually we have to stop to catch our breaths allowing me to look at her again. Pinkie holds her blush with a serious sweat now going, only noticeable once we’ve stopped. I probably hadn’t noticed thanks to my own. She pushes some against my stomach as to say pull back.

“Can we try a different position?”

I pull out leaving my dick feeling awfully wet and cold now. He needed to be back home. “What do you have in mind?”

Again, she seems way too embarrassed to face me, “Maybe… from behind? The doggy way?”

Her confused yet serious expression followed by the words, ‘the doggy way’ makes it hard not to laugh. Thankfully I’m in the horny zone so I motion for her to get up and turn around without so much as a cackle. She points her ass up to me with her head down into the pillow. Her ass was surprisingly human like from behind. It was my first glance at pony pussy. Truthfully it looks about the same as a human one although it less vulnerable looking, less like an open wound. Human pussy was certainly a displeasing sight from some angles but this appeared rather tame to that. The thing that really stood out though was her anus. It was profound, stuck out puffy like and was comically shaped like a donut. A ponut.

She turns her head to the side to look at me, “Is this okay?” Lining myself up again I push back into her with decent speed. Her legs go weak and she falls onto her knees. “Oooouhhh” she weakly moans. Placing my hands on her hips I start thrusting into her, this time the grip she holds on me feeling much tighter. It doesn’t take long in this position before I feel a pressure building. “T-this… this is much better” she can barely talk.

Each thrust becomes more and more satisfying. Our fucking becomes louder and faster, wet smacks continually more frequent each passing second. She becomes overwhelmed falling onto her stomach, I lean over her without missing a beat. Deeper I push at as each connection creates louder and lustier moans from Pinkie. Speeding up I can feel myself almost ready to blow, the pressure building more and more. It becomes almost impossible not to go as fast as possible. The sight of her tight pussy holding me in with each pull drives me to the brink. “Pinkie… I’m going to”

“Me too” she manages to get out between gasps. Clearly she was feeling this a whole lot more. Im not trying to take away from the fact it felt amazing rather she appeared like she was going to faint.

Speeding up our hips meet with synchronized rhythm until the pressure within me become too much to bare. I hold on a few seconds making my cock tense up hard as steel. Pinkie suddenly moans much louder and her legs seems to shake with electricity. She pushes into me hard. Just then I shoot an absolute load straight into her, rope after rope of seed. It was the largest bust I’d ever had. All those months of pent up sexual tension without relief finally let go in one full swoop. It had to have been at least five or six shots of Joey jizz straight into Pinkies pie. She fell limp and I fell behind her spooning, my dick still inside. The feeling was bliss… and dizzy.

“That was amazing” I whisper into her ear.

“Y-yeah… that was fun”

“Heh, normally you’re not this quiet. Was big Joey too much for you?”

“Pinkie is tired… she… needs sleep”

“I’m pretty tired too” With that I rest my arm around her and cuddle in. My body seems to shut down and I become more exhausted then I’ve been in a very long time. I close my eyes and drift away holding Pinkie tight against me.

CLOP OVER

My night is dreamless and probably for the best. If Luna came in on my mind after that experience let’s just say it would be a little awkward. Coming to I open my eyes to see Pinkie still fast asleep in my arms, her little chest moving up and down in rhythm with my own. She looked so precious to me in this moment, my little pony. I would do anything to protect her.

Light in my home remains dim, a few strands of sunlight peek through the corner of the shades giving me a guess at the time. Morning was upon us, we’d slept through the whole night. Then there was the sticky feeling across certain points of my body, an overall feeling of stank given our sweaty mess. With a sniff it was clear some business went down, a real funk show.

I brush her mane from her face to admire her beauty, so tranquil when resting. It was hard to believe this pony could be the most rambunctious mare at times without filter. Not smiling wasn’t an option around her and I was glad for the things that led me to her. If Twilight never messed me up would I ever had gotten this close would Pinkie? Perhaps love finds a way no matter the circumstances but, it would be impossible to know without going back into the past. The past… was I happier here in Equestria then Earth? Sure there was more freedoms, less stress and some familiarity yet knowing the girls and courting Pinkie seems to outweigh those advantages. I am happy here.

Pinkie stirs some and flips over to face me, her eyes struggle to stay open. Her smile grows by the second. “Morning silly” I’m speechless at the sight of her, instead taking this moment all in. I can only smile and kiss her in response. She pushes away after a little bit with a sniff, her nose scrunching up. “Wowie we smell! We gotta take a bath! Unless you’re thinking about going again? Or maybe two times? Three?”

“Hehe maybe later tonight Pinkie, I feel super gross right now”

“You’re right about that! I can still feel all that Joey j-“

“Okay that’s more then I need to know” she giggles wrapping me in a hug.

I carry her with me to the bathroom to clean ourselves up. I needed a shower, not a bath. Looks like somepony was going shopping today.

“That was so much fun! I bet all the girls would love to hear about it!”

“Pinkie!”

She laughs smacking me with a hoof, “I’m kidding! Unless..” she pulls the bonnet from seemingly nowhere and puts it on. “Master wishes to keep us quiet”

Sighing I shut the door behind us and start the bath. For some reason I get the feeling this bath won’t end without another round.

20 Crystal Chaos

View Online

Today was like any other ordinary day in Equestria. Birds chirping, train wheels screeching, another trip to some forgotten kingdom that supposedly disappeared and now reappeared. I sit back and enjoy the passing landscapes knowing today might be my last. Pinkie slams against me bursting with anticipation, almost knocking me out my seat.

“This. Is. CRAZY!!!”

“Tell me about it. If you girls keep pulling my average ass around for these adventures you’re gonna get me killed. I’m not built for this!”

“Relax spazo” Dash floats over. “Princess Celestia told Twilight her brother and Cadance were waiting for us”

“Excuse me, what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?”

“The price of tea in who what now?”

Twilight joins our conversation with a giggle, “I think what Joey is trying to ask is how that is relevant”

“Thank you purple” I turn back to Dash. “Every time we do these big travel things there’s always trouble”

“So what? We can handle whatever comes our way!”

“Yeah maybe you all can but, me?” I point to the weird scarring across my face. “Exhibit A”

“What about the wedding! You didn’t get hurt on the wedding trip!”

“Yeah what Pinkie said!” Dash retorts.

“That was luck! I nearly died several times!”

Pinkie brushes against me slipping under my arm, “Maybe your cutie mark is for being lucky”

“Girls can we all settle down? Some of us are trying to sleep” Twi makes us aware of the other dozing ponies before going back to her seat. I even noticed Fluttershy sitting with Spike. Maybe something happened on Hearts and Hooves day.

Now thinking back on the day I can’t help but, blush. “What’s got you so hot faced?” Dash asks leaning over the back of her seat.

“Nothing, just thinking”

Pinkie leans over the seat and whispers to her much too loudly, “He’s probably thinking about Hearts and Hooves day”

Dash becomes a little flustered herself yet keeps her composure, “Oh, is that it huh? You two do the nasty?” She jokes. Our awkward glance to each other followed by silence makes the answer apparent. Her eyes widen, “Wait did you both actually… do it?” She’s says the last part at a whisper.

I cross my arms looking out the window, “Who knows” what I didn’t notice was Pinkie beside me aggressively nodding yes.

“Whaaaaat? No way!” She looks around to make sure nopony overheard, “So.. what was it like? Because you two are different and all that…”

I wrap Pinkie with my arm, “What was it like when I snapped you on the forehead?”

“What? You never-“ I snap her on the forehead.

“Ow! Hey, I was just asking a question!”

“Uh huh”

She rubs her head a little embarrassed, “I don’t mean to sound weird or anything but… that’s kinda cool” I tilt my head confused. “That you both are totally like… happy together and are doing that stuff”

It’s quite possibly the most mature thing I’ve ever heard leave her mouth, “Thanks… I guess. It’s nice to hear you’re happy for us”

“Well duh. Course I’d be happy for you both, I just didn’t think it would work out seeing how you’re so dumb sometimes”

Pinkie giggles and hugs my side, “I think we’re a perfect match!”

Pinkies bright attitude makes it easy to ignore Dash and I scratch her head for making me smile. “See? Perfect match. You heard the mare”

“Eh, whatever. Just don’t screw things up okay? You two are my best friends so, I don’t want anything going wrong between us”

I hold a fist out her way, “I feel that”

She gives me a bump and sits back in her seat leaving Pinkie and I back to ourselves. She leans into me with smile which slowly grows by the second til she’s full blown laughing.

“What? What’s so funny?”

“I got a great idea! One so amazing that there’ll never be need for another idea ever in the history ever!”

“Really? And what’s this big idea?”

She whispers into my ear, “We go in the back cart and we do it the doggy way”

“Ptffft ha! Pinkie what the fuck” I explode into laughter, completely caught off guard.

“What?!? It’s a great idea! You’ll love it, I’d love it. Who wouldn’t love it?”

I lower my voice, “Pinkie we can’t do that. What if somepony catches us?”

“We run silly”

“We’re on a moving train! Where would we run to?”

“Uhhh… Baltimare?” She grins.

“You’re perfect Pinkie” I kiss her on the forehead, “But there’s no way I’m doing that. How about when we get there okay? Assuming we’d have a room or something”

“Okie dokie but I’m holding you to it!”

I laugh, “You won’t have to remind me”

Sitting there a bit longer my anxiety starts to grow about the whole trip. I didn’t want another scare like last time, I should probably ask Twilight some questions. “Hey Pinkie? I’m going to ask Twilight some questions about this whole trip”

She seems to notice my building worry. Spending as much time together as we do she’s begun to spot hints of my panic attacks, at times before even I notice. She’s almost like one of those dogs that helps people with strokes and shit.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah… just a little worried right now but, I think I’ll be alright”

“Alright but, if you feel yucky you tell me mister”

“I promise I will”

Moving down the cart I head over to Twilights seat near the front. She’s got sleeping ponies all around her so I try to be silent.

“Hey” I grab her attention from her book.

“Hm? Oh what’s up?”

I sit down next to her, “About this whole Crystal Palace”

“Crystal Empire” she corrects.

“Crystal Empire. Did Celestia make it seem like there’s any danger to this trip?”

Glancing toward the others she speaks quietly, “Celestia seemed to think there was something sinister about its reappearance and sent my brother first to check it out. Apparently they haven’t been able to send word back so we’re kinda going in blind, hehe” she nervously laughs.

“What?!” I whisper loudly. “I thought this was some sort of Indiana Jones type shit were we find some hidden city, you take your science notes and we bail”

“What’s Indiana Jones?”

“It’s like that book series Dash likes”

“Daring Do?”

“Yea”

“Have you ever read a Daring Do book before?”

“No”

“Well her adventures are full of danger”

“So are Indiana Jones movies”

“Why did you make it seem like they weren’t?”

“… it was a bad example but what I said still stands, this shit is not cool!”

“Joey calm down, I’m sure this is another test Celestia has for me and the rest of you will be fine”

“Then why did she insist we come along?”

“Because… well… okay maybe it will be dangerous” I run my hands through my hair stressfully. Unsure of what to do she places a hoof on my shoulder, “Look I promise that everything will be okay and if anything goes wrong the girls will be there to help”

“That’s the thing though, something always goes wrong! Last time I ended up having to play hero and I’m not sure how many times we can depend on that”

“Things worked out though didn’t they?”

“I don’t know Twilight” I look to her serious. “I think we got really lucky”

“And maybe luck is your special talent?” Even she doesn’t believe what she says.

“I guess let’s hope…” I lean back deflated. There was no point to this argument anymore, would could she do? I could only sit here and hope things don’t go sour again.

“Joey? I’ve actually been meaning to ask you a couple questions as well”

“Yea? Like what?”

“After talking to Celestia more about that pony Quantum Matter, there’s still a few things that don’t make sense. Like you having the same illness as him, what do you have in common with him that could possibly relate the two of you?”

“Um… lack of self confidence?”

“We don’t actually know if he suffered the same issue as well. Given the evidence it does seem that to be the case but, there’s no solid proof!”

“I’m not exactly the right individual to answer this question Twi. I’m sure Celestia or Luna would be better”

“But you’re thee pony in question! There has to be something you haven’t told us”

I rack my brain for any possible answers. Anything that might be important to my illness. “I’m from another planet and I’m a different species Twilight, I don’t see how we could be similar at all. Besides the fact we both got balls”

“That’s… probably not the reason”

I shrug, “I don’t know, nothing seems to make sense here anyway” I look past Twilight to the landscape passing by, the weather changing to a more arctic environment. “I don’t know if I’ve asked this before but, can’t you just take my magic away or something?”

She shakes her head, “Joey that’d kill you”

“Explain” I cross my arms intrigued.

“Every living creature in Equestria carries some form of magic. It’s helps hold together you’re very soul. How do I put this without confusing you…”

“Thanks Twi, I get it I’m stupid”

“No-“

“I’m kidding, continue”

“It’s like your blood. Think of your body without blood. Without magic flowing through you your body would cease to function”

“But I have blood and it doesn’t need magic”

“Yes but, your soul does!”

“So you’re saying every pony has a soul? You’re admitting there’s an afterlife?”

“Admit- what? I never said or didn’t say there was one!”

“I’m just messing with you… but, it is a little reassuring toward my faith to know I have a soul” just a little.

“At least I could do that for you”

“What if I ran out of magic? Like if I kept my collar off for long enough, would I run out?”

“I wouldn’t think so. It’s not that simple. You see, ponies have two types of magic within them. The first being the stuff you can see-“ she levitates her bag in front of me. “That is the kind you can run out of. The more you use it the more you’ll be able to use in the future. Kinda like endurance training”

“That’s nifty and all but what’s the other kind?”

“The other kind is what’s coming out of you, it’s called soul magic. This is why Celestia and I have had so much trouble trying to fix this. Your body is constantly making magic for harnessing your soul instead of making the magic you can use. It’s why you still can’t do magic but, technically have magic”

“So you’re telling me I have too much soul? This sounds like a bad 70s reference”

“I don’t know what that means but assuming you keep replenishing your soul magic you should be fine”

“So I’m not gonna run out?”

“Hypothetically speaking, yes”

“But my soul magic is… bad?”

“Yes… and no. I mean it’s good because it’s keeping you alive and your body understands to keep making it because it’s depleting! The reason it’s also bad is because it’s sticking to other ponies soul magic. Every ponies soul magic is unique, it’s color and shape directly tied to the soul it’s withholding. However your magic seems to manipulate a ponies soul magic into something entirely different. This is all hypothetical at this point based from the results done on that stallion who took his own life”

“Geez yet another reason to love myself”

“Joey it isn’t your fault that things are the way they are. You didn’t have any part in this”

I don’t feel like arguing so I switch the subject, “What if I completely run out of soul magic?”

Her ears go flat against her head and she frowns, “It isn’t pretty”

“Please, what’ll happen?”

She hesitates looking to the girls first. They’re oblivious to the conversation, all enjoying the trip in their own separate little worlds. “First your soul will leave escape, and it isn’t as fast as you’d think. Minutes, sometimes even hours of excruciating pain where a ponies body would heat up and burn” her face turns pale, “I read that it seeps out like steam causing the ponies innards to bubble and melt”

“Jesus…”

“Not done! Then once it’s fully left, the remaining body would be a husk. Not dead however, it can’t function on its own. So after a few minutes if the pony isn’t already dead from the burning, they’d die once their body stops working”

My eyes stay wide open and Twi seems more then bothered at the conversation. “That was… awfully morbid”

“Tell me about it” she looks outside trying to distract her thoughts.

I place a hand on her shoulder causing her to turn, “We don’t have to worry about that though, my special talent is luck!”

It’s stupid enough to make her giggle, “I wonder what your cutie mark looks like” gazing over my body.

I cover myself with my arms, “You’ll have to buy me a drink first before answering that question”

Her giggles die down slowly, “Have you… asked Pinkie yet? About us?”

I’d completely forgotten if I was being honest. My little experience with Pinkie had my mind all wrapped up around her instead of anypony else. I felt like a complete ass.

“I uh.. haven’t asked yet”

Smiling she rubs her face against me, “That’s fine, it was probably the wrong thing to ask of you at the time so whenever you feel like is the right time I’ll wait until then”

I could see the halo floating above Twilights head. “I really am sorry I haven’t asked yet. I’ll try to soon”

“Don’t force it though! I don’t want what you two have going to be ruined because of me”

“Thanks. That.. really means a lot”

“Don’t think nothing of it. I mean I’m the one on the outside here so it’s only right I comprise for you two” I scratch her behind the ears both surprising and soothing her at the same time. She melts into my touch. “Oooo, right there, keep scratching right there”

“You’re really adorable when you’re like this you do know that?”

Her eyes remain closed and she leans into me, “It’s not my fault those hands of yours are so wonderful”

“Careful, ponies might hear you say that and think some weird shit is going on”

“That or they’ll line up down the street just to get a scratch in”

“Maybe that could be my special talent you know? I could be like a masseur only for scratching”

“Hmm, the lotus sisters might not take exception to a pony opening competition in Ponyville. You could say you’d, have your hands full”

“Twi that was terrible”

“Oh come on! I even used the proper diction of saying hands instead of hooves!”

“There’s already an element of laughter Twi, stick with the program”

“Hmpf, I think you’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first”

“I will admit it does seem like a joke I’d tell”

“Exactly, jealous”

I stop scratching her head and run my finger down her horn lightly, she shivers at the motion. “Ooh Joey…” she moans.

Her response makes me blush, “What the fuck was that?”

“I told you before that a unicorns horn is sensitive!” Her face now matching mine. She has to hide her face to not die of embarrassment.

“Sorry” I hold my hands up defensively, “I didn’t remember I swear!”

“Ugh just… stop panicking and go back to your seat. We will all be fine”

“Not gonna panic, got it” I stand up quickly and start rushing back to my seat.

Waking past Spike and Shy I see they’ve both fallen asleep against each other. A rather cute sight if I wasn’t so hype for my boy Spike. Clearly there’s something going on here and I need to do a little investigating later. I rub my hands together mischievously until Apple Jack pulls me into her seat. I nearly fall on my face at her strength.

“Woah what’s going on cowgirl?”

“In case ya haven’t noticed“ she points out the window. “Things are lookin a bit sketchy out there”

Sure enough the once lightly snowed on surroundings were now hidden behind a blizzard. I’d never seen snow fall at such speed and amount before. Our entire vision was clouded in a veil of white making any chance of knowing where we are fruitless.

“Uh, did Twilight say anything about extreme blizzards before we left?”

“Nope”

“Shit”

I sit up and move back to my original seat, pulling my bag up beside me when I sit down. Pinkie seems confused at my frantic antics. “What’s a matter? Did you see a ghost? Is there a ghost catching net in your bag and you’re getting it to catch the ghost? Joey where’d you get a ghost catching net?”

“No ghosts, fucking snow storm” I point my hand past her to the window. With a glance she doesn’t seem fazed at all.

“So it’s a little snowy outside. Just make sure to put on a scarf!”

“Pinkie I’ve never seen it snow this hard before and Twilight never said anything about it being this cold”

“Don’t worry” she placed a hoof on my lap. “I packed some of your hoodies in my bag so we can share!”

“Hoodies? I need like a winter coat. It’s absolutely freezing out there I mean look at the window. It’s literally freezing!”

Around the edges was indeed frost building up by the second. “Okay so maybe it’s a little cold out but, what if I told you I also packed your snow boots!”

“Wait what? Why did you pack those?”

“Cause I can fit everything in this bag silly” she lifts her bag and pulls out one of my boots to prove it. “I got even more than that in here. You wouldn’t believe how much I can store!“

“Actually“ I take the boot from her hoof, “I would”

Now dressed slightly better for the impending doom outside I look over to see the rest of the girls took notice as well. Pinkie even took the liberty of loaning out one of my hoodies to each of the girls as well.

“Why do you have so many of my hoodies?”

“Why do you have so many hoodies?”

“Because… well…. they’re both comfortable and um.. stylish!”

Dash squeezed her head through a white hoodie on my left, “Yeah comfortable wouldn’t be the word I’d use. I can’t even move my wings in this! And it *sniff* smells like Joey!”

Pinkie quickly rips two holes in the back for her wings to poke through, destroying one of my best hoodies. “That’s one of the best parts!”

“Nooo” I faintly whisper. “My poor hoodie… why”

“That felt like an awfully horrific way to treat one of my creations” Rarity retorted.

“My poor baby why” I sunk back into my seat.

“Stop being such a baby. Rarity can make you another one easy” Dash flexed her wings as she spoke.

Twilight made her way over to us with a black hoodie labeled ‘lover’ in red heavy metal band type font. I told Rarity what to put cause I thought it was funny and now seeing Twilight in it, it was definitely the right call.

“Alright girls I think we should be close to the station. Everypony make sure you got your bags and stay close together”

I grab a hold of my own duffel bag and flip it over my shoulder, then I reach down and grab Pinkies bag as well. “You don’t have to do that for me! I can carry my own” she joyful requests.

I sling it over my other shoulder, “We can travel faster if I just carry them both. I don’t want to be outside for very long”

“Oookay big guy!” She pats me on the butt. “My bag is all yours!”

I shifted slightly, uncomfortable for multiple reasons. I was wearing not one but two hoodies and had my collar pulled tight to avoid getting caught. There’s also the shitty feeling of two bag strings pulling on your shoulders but that’s my own doing.

We all line up near the exit of the train cart and sit down around the closest seats. “Shining is supposed to meet us at the station so if you see him shout”

We all give an acknowledging nod. “So what’s this city like? Did Celestia say anything about the way it looks now?”

“Not really” she shakes her head. “Just that it reappeared. That, and Shining and Cadance would be waiting for us”

“Hm. Reappearing city. Surrounded by blizzards. Little to no knowledge about its condition. If I were to guess what’s going to happen I’d say we’re fucked”

“Oh dear” Flutters hid inside her hood fearfully.

“Joey! We’re going to be fine! We have Shining and Cadance to help! And that’s not even including each other”

“Yeah! We can handle whatever comes at us!”

“Dash unless you’ve learned how to defeat Mother Nature please calm down”

“In case you haven’t realized I handle the weather in Ponyville just fine on my own!”

“And how big are those clouds huh? Not as big as this one I bet. I can’t even see the fucking sun!” I start to get a little riled up.

“Easy there partner, there’s no need for gettin crazy”

“Aj’s right. Freaking out isn’t going to solve anything. We need to stay level headed and keep our composure”

I silence my bitching and settle for tightly clenching the bag stings over my shoulders. The train screeches to a halt and the punishing snowstorm outside seems to settle some due to the illusion of our previous speed. It still snowed enough for concern as my first step off the train is nearly engulfed in snow.

Looking around for landmarks there’s nothing but snow as far as the eye can see. We’re surrounded in a circle of white, stranded on the train platform. My lack of gloves and serious face protection makes me shiver against the chill. The darkening sky makes it clear the sun was gone leaving us in darkness. Twilights horn gloomed and from it a large sphere appeared shining the platform and a little around us in light.

The girls looked fine, a few shakes and antsy hooves the most of their reaction. Placing a hoof over her eyes Twilight scanned the horizon for signs of her brother while the rest of us huddled together. I grabbed Spike by a scale to get his attention.

“Ow! What?”

“Aren’t you cold?” He wasn’t wearing any protection at all.

“Huh? Oh, nah. Dragons have a fiery internal heat that’s always going so long as I’m alive! I sort of forget about it at times cause I’m never cold”

I pull down my scarf some to make myself easier to hear, “Does that mean your always hot?”

“I’m reptilian Joey, cold blooded. I can’t really feel hot or cold. I just get kinda stiff if I stay outside too long in the winter”

“Why’d you say the whole thing about internal fire and shit then? You could’ve just said you’re cold blooded”

“Yeah but you didn’t know about dragons having a fire within them until I told though”

“So now this is a biology class”

“Twilight!” A male voice screamed from the distance. I turn to see a pony like figure make its way into the station light.

“Shining!” The two met in an embrace.

“We need to hurry” he pulled away. “I’ll explain everything once we’ve left this storm. Follow me!”

Quickly we gathered our things and started moving when behind us the station was enveloped by a large dark cloud. It was black smoke, slowly reaching higher and higher until it touched the sky. I nearly fell over watching it increase in size. Looking to the last member of the group, Spike struggled moving most of the bags. He was completely unaware of his impending doom.

“Leave your bags!” Shining shouted.

Spike heeds his message but trips on his first step. My stomach churns unsure of what to do. I drop my bags and rush back to Spike scooping him up as fast as I can. I can feel the cloud nearing me, it’s touch numbing. I’m almost drawn to it, intoxicated by some otherworldly pull. Just then Shining shot from his horn a bolt of lightening into its mass causing it to dissipate for a few seconds. I hurry to catch up with the others passing Shining as he protected us. My legs burn and the run starts to feel endless until a clearing appears ahead of us. Green grass and a large city containing a spire like tower in the center. A large pink dome covered it just like the wedding in Canterlot. Reaching the top of the hill I go to slide down with Spike on my lap. With a shout Shining falls down next to us, his horn covered in black crystals. I grab his hoof and slide down with him in tow directly into the protective bubble. The cloud slams against the barrier right as we pass through. I have to lay there to catch my breath.

Twilight, Aj, and Rarity rushed over to Shining and started attending to him while Shy, Pinkie, and Dash came over to Spike and I.

“Oh my goodness are you two okay?” Shy checked us both for wounds.

“Joey you’re a hero again! You saved Spikey!” Pinkie yelled. She started to leap around us cheerfully singing, “He’s a hero of all the ponies, whether there big, or buff, or bronies!”

“The fuck is a brony”

“Oh you wouldn’t want to know” Pinkie stares directly at you, the reader. “Some of them are reeeeeally really naughty, you’d wouldn’t believe half the stuff they write… or read!”

“Pinkie who are you talking to?” She leaps over giving me a big hug.

“I’m so glad your okay! I was worried when I saw you run back for Spike cause I know how clumsy you are but, Twilights brother was like ‘pew pew’ and you were like ‘AHHHHH’! It was all crazy but now your safe” she sits down beside me with a smile completely still.

“I don’t know what that was-“ she scooted away from Pinkie, “but you totally saved Spikes life! I mean I would’ve grabbed him if you didn’t but, still!” Dash seemed impressed, specially for her standards.

Shy nodded in agreement taking extra time checking Spike over. “I’m fine Fluttershy I swear”

I snicker at the two of them. “What did you do?” Dash angrily whispers to me.

“Oh you know. Third wheeled that little colt Spike into a stallion” we both sat there watching them interact. Pinkie squeezed between us with a bucket of popcorn. Then the absurdity of everything finally hit me. “Twilight!”

“What?!?” She panicked at my shout bumping into her brother.

“What the fuck was that cloud thingy?!? I nearly died already and we haven’t even made it to the Crystal place!”

“Crystal Empire” Aj corrected. I flash her an angry look. “Heh, sorry” she tilts her hat down to hide her face.

Shining pushes past Twilight and puts a hoof out to help me up, “I probably have some explaining to do” Lifting me up he begins to talk while leading us into the city. “That cloud you saw wasn’t a cloud. That was King Sombra”

“King Sombra!” Twi interrupts.

“Who’s King Sombra?” I look between them for an answer.

“He was the former ruler of the Crystal Empire, consumed by greed. In an attempt to stall for his inevitable return, he banished the entire empire for over a thousand years, only now returning a few days ago”

“Isn’t that convenient” I say under my breath.

Keep complaining, it’s all I’m good for

I shake my head to clear it, ignoring the last thought.

“He had enslaved the crystal ponies using their power and love however, the princesses defeated him in battle, sending him to the Arctic North”

“Well how’d he get back?”

“Give any evil pony a thousand years and I’m sure they’ll find a way back” I shake my head still confused.

“So that smoke was him?”

“Yes, he’s able to transform himself using shadow magic. It’s a form of dark magic thats sinister shape corrupts the user in payment for its power”

“Dark magic? What’s the difference from regular magic or soul magic?” I use my little lesson from Twilight to say some big words, hopefully I impressed the siblings.

“Well from what Celestia warned me, it’s something only ponies of alicorn power are capable of doing. With the purest of individuals it can even be safe”

“So Celestia or Luna could do it?”

“My Cadance could do it as well if she pleased however, it’s still risky”

“I wonder if that’s what Celestia had me use before I left”

Shining turned quickly with concern, “She had you use dark magic?”

“Only to show me Sombra’s power! I didn’t know what it was at first until now!”

He shook his head, “Either way, as you can see he struck me with his power”

I look to his crystallized horn. Several small black crystals stuck from the horn in various angles. It didn’t look safe to touch, like broken glass.

“Your horn looks pretty bad”

“I couldn’t tell” he remarked sarcastically to Dash. “Dark magic has a propensity to prevent magic… almost like eating it”

My ears perk, “It takes over magic?”

“Meh… more like prevents” my enthusiasm plummets. I thought I had a clue to my illness. “I’m sorry but that’s all really know. I’ll take you all to Cadance and see if shes found anything to help us out”

We all share worrisome looks, truly over our heads this time. Looking back to the weird pony cloud it continually banged away against the pink dome as if the smoke carried weight. I couldn’t focus on what’s behind us without starting to panic so instead I checked the faces of my friends to see how they’re doing. Twilight seemed absorbed in what Shining had to say, both on edge but prepared. Fluttershy was terrified yet continued onward for her friends. Aj appeared collected, admiring the buildings and houses as we neared the spire. Dash was floating high, watching our surroundings with intensity. Rarity looked pissed off and stressed, the effect of losing her bags and nearly dying. Pinkie was… excited? She hopped with each step carefree of the dangers around us. Ignorant? Yeah that’s a better word. Lastly there was Spike, he huddled close to Twilights side taking in everything Shining said.

Taking Aj’s approach, I look around as well. Each house remained similar in both size, color, and distance from each other. Every proportion of the city appeared perfect, almost fake. Then there was the vast opening around the large spire. It stood tall on four legs, similar to the Eiffel Tower in its structure. Instead of narrowing into a tip, it instead was tube shaped. Something you’d see from a castle tower, pointed top and all. Even had a small balcony midway up. Once under the spire, there was only one flight of stairs leading into the building. As we entered I notice a strange monument standing under the spire, it’s shape two spikes pointing toward each other. One vertically hanging and the other vertically standing. If I didn’t know any better I’d say there was something missing from the middle but, maybe I watched too many movies.

The group followed closely behind Shining up several long ass flights of stairs. It had to have been at least 8 flights of stairs til we made a stop. Entering through the exposed doorway we came upon a very tired looked Cadance. This was the second time I’d ever seen her before.

“Shining! Im so glad to see you’re okay!” They embraced with a hug, making her forced to notice the ponies standing behind him. “Twilight! And the others! Are you all okay?”

The others? You hear this mare? You’re nothing but a pawn to these ponies

I shake my head hard enough to hurt.

What the fuck was that?

A pink hoof pulls my sleeve down grabbing my attention, “Joey what’s wrong?” Her bubbly exterior now serious.

“I don’t know… don’t worry about it though, I’m sure it’s nothing”

“What?!” She whispers loudly enough to disturb the others. “Sorry hehe” Pinkie awkwardly laughs before pulling me into a side room.

Oh I’m in trouble

Shutting the door behind us she taps her hoof impatiently, “T-that’s a uh… a nice d-door huh? I mean look how sparkly-“

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

“Jesus! Alright I’m sorry! Honesty I didn’t think it was a big deal”

“We made a promise to tell each other when something was wrong don’t you remember?! Or did that promise not mean anything?” I’d never seen her this angry before.

“Of course it meant something! I just thought what was going on might be nothing, like me being stupid… or something” I look away embarrassed. I didn’t feel like opening up right now, it felt like I would be adding to the problems already at hand.

Her tone softened and she moved over to hold my hand, “Tell me please, I don’t think anything you could be worried about is stupid”

Blushing I sit down on a nearby chair. We were in some sort of conference room with a large circular table in the center. A projector and podium were located on the opposite side of the room.

“I keep having these really weird negative thoughts”

“You’re not being hard on yourself again are you?”

“No, honestly I’ve been a little better with that” I wave my hands dismissively. “This feels… like it isn’t me though”

“Is it because the collar?”

“I doubt that, I haven’t worn it nearly long enough” Sitting there thinking for a moment she suddenly stands up and hugs me. “Um… Pinkie?”

“You looked like you needed some love” her words rush me with emotions but I hold stern. It was strange how much I was affected at such a minor gesture. There were bigger worries though, I never wanted to cry again in front of these ponies, definitely not Pinkie. It hurts my heart just thinking about the pain and worry it would cause her.

“I’m fine I promise”

“You must be awfully tired and stressed out from all this” she rubbed my back gently.

“I’m fine”

“What if I tell the girls for you that you need a break from this one and you’ll stay back with Cadance? I’m sure the others will understand”

For some odd reason hearing Pinkie say this infuriates me. I wasn’t some coward who needed a break and I definitely didn’t need Pinkie telling the others for me. I’m a grown adult, I can make these decisions on my own! Does she think I can’t handle this because of what I said?

She must think I’m weak huh?

I stand up pulling away, “I said I’m fine!”

She recoils in surprise. I’d never raised my voice in anger to her before. She backed away nervously, “Joey I think somethings seriously wrong with you. We should tell Twilight-“

“Somethings wrong with me? Pinkie I’m perfectly FINE!” I was breathing heavily, offended.

How could she say that? Doesn’t she know how much it bothers me to be considered strange? A freak?

“I didn’t mean it like that! I think there’s something going on with your magic that’s screwing up your brain!”

“I already told you I’m fine so are you saying I’m crazy? Is that it?” I smack my chest with my hands for emphasis. “You think I’m fucking crazy?!” I start to march past her in a hurry.

She grabs my arm, “Joey please wait, you’re not thinking clearly!”

I snap my arm away from her and hurry down the stairs enraged. Denial filled my head with a sickening touch of betrayal. After everything I’d been through she still has the gull, the NERVE to suggest I’m crazy. She’s the one who’s crazy! Always hopping around like nothings wrong, happy go lucky no matter what. In this world of fucking… creeps and perverts.

She only wanted to fuck you, you miserable fuck. Who would ever want to be with a downer like you? Disgusting, pitiful excuse of a creature. I should let them all feel my pain. How would they like to feel what it’s like to be outcast

I turn my head to the barrier, the black smoke still working away at the exterior.

I could release that barrier and let them know pain

The idea alone snaps be back to reality. A reality where I just yelled at the one pony who loves me unconditionally. A pony willing to do whatever just to make me smile. Suffering in her own pain yet still finds the energy to help me with mine. My legs start to feel weak and my face hot. What have I done. Falling to the ground with my face in my hands, I have to bite my hand just to stop myself from crying.

I’m sick… Pinkie was right

My therapist was much to far now however, and I’d just told Pinkie off. There was nopony to go to. Likely she told the others about me by now and they’d see me as a threat. I felt an urge to run and hide yet I held my spot on the ground, part of me still wanting to be found. Then a hoof touches my shoulder making me scream.

“AHHH!”

“AHHHH!” The pony yelled back falling over beside me. His eyes were pinpricks. With a glance over his body I notice he’s lacking a cutie mark and color in his eyes. As if the dead could live.

“Who told you it was okay to sneak up on strangers!?”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know who you were and… you looked kinda troubled”

“Oh…” I deflate again. “Thanks I guess for worrying but, I’m okay. I did this to myself”

“Is there anything I could do to help?” He nervously shuffled.

“You could tell me your name”

“My name? My name… I… I don’t know” his attitude nosedives from our conversations start. He begins to panic before rushing back into the house behind me.

“That was sudden… and weird”

“JOEEEEYYYY!” A voice shoots from the direction I ran from. My neck hairs stand up in fear.

Could I face them? “Oh don’t worry girls, I only had a monumental breakdown and yelled at Pinkie cause I’m crazy!”

Dash zoomed above me at sonic speeds causing me to pin myself against the wall out of sight. I wasn’t safe to be around I could tell that much at least. I’d need to separate myself from the girls until I figure this whole mess out, then they can worry about me. Peeking around the corner back to the spire I see most of the girls head in the same direction toward another large building.

I bet if I hide back in that tower they’d never expect me to be there. The old hide behind the door trick

Running across the opening I make my way back into the stairwell leading up into the spire. After several painstaking floors I finally make my way back to the original place we met Cadance at. The room was empty, only a circular sofa near the center of the room created any ambiance. My body felt spent, exhausted for some weird reason. With a few steps and a plop I lay down on the cushiony frame relaxing into the pillows. Maybe a nap would do me good.

“Joey… is it?”

The voice makes me stumble away trying to see the perpetrator. “Cadance?”

She gives a pained smile, “I’m actually kind of glad I found you”

“Yeah?” I shuffle my feet, looking for an exit.

“Yeah…. I heard what happened between you and Pinkie. At least she only told me because she felt like I could help”

“She didn’t tell any other pony?”

“No, she said you’d be too embarrassed to come back. She did tell the others that you ran off though”

Why… why is she so caring for me? Even after I yelled at her the first thing she does is worry about how I feel

Shaking my head I can feel the hot tears welling in my eyes.

“Pinkies really worried about you, you know? Couples should be open with each other whatever their issue and if a significant other can’t find the compassion to help, then there wasn’t any love there to begin with. But, they can’t help if you don’t speak up” she walks over to me sitting on the couch. She pats the spot next to her inviting me for a talk.

With a wipe of my eyes I sigh. I take a seat beside her twirling my thumbs. Uncomfortable doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling.

“Would you be okay with telling me what’s going on?”

I pause unsure what to say. Do I tell her everything? The sudden anger? The voice in my head? “I’m… I’m not feeling okay”

“And does Pinkie know you’re not feeling okay?”

“Yea… I told her something might be wrong… but I didn’t tell her much besides that”

“And why did you hold back?”

This was starting to feel like a trip to my therapist at this point. “Because I didn’t want her to worry if it wasn’t anything serious”

“If you felt it wasn’t serious then why not tell her anyways? It’s her choice to worry about you Joey. You don’t have the right to decide what she can and can’t worry about” I start to shake my head disappointed with myself. I’d done it again. “I know you felt like you were caring for Pinkie but, you need to understand each pony in a relationship has a role to play. You both love each other right?”

“Of course”

“Then you should know more than anypony that she deserves to know what’s wrong”

Running my hands through my hair I have to take a deep breath to calm down, “I can’t believe I freaked out like that…”

“Pinkie said you might be dealing with issues involving your um.. collar?”

I instinctively reach toward it, “I don’t know… maybe. It doesn’t make sense though! I haven’t worn it long enough to make me have these issues!”

“Hmm” she stops absorbed it a thought. “When did these, ‘issues’ start happening?”

“Uh… a little after we got here honesty”

“And did you change anything with how you normally wear the collar? Maybe touch any strange artifacts? Meet any weird ponies?”

I cross my arms, “I’m not Indiana Jones alright? I wouldn’t go touching every strange looking object I saw! If at all possible, I’d like to not die”

“Speaking of that, I heard you saved my Shining from becoming another one of Sombra’s victims”

“Not really… I mean he saved my life first! I was only repaying the favor”

“Did he now? That sounds just like him, my big strong stallion..” she seems to get carried away.

“Please princess don’t get all… lovey and shit like that around me. I know it’s your talent but, for my sake”

“So what happened? How did he save you?”

“You remember the dragon that was with us?” She nods. “That’s Spike and he was stuck trying to carry some of the luggage so I ran back to grab him but, that cloudy shit was all over us before I could move! If Shining wasn’t there to zap it away or whatever he did we’d be dead”

“Wait, Sombra touched you?”

“I guess”

“And you didn’t feel like telling me that?”

“I.. didn’t think it was important!”

She face hoofs and starts to pace around the room. “If he was close enough to touch you he must’ve tried to attack you with his magic!” She stops, looking back to me, “Can you do any magic?”

“Well.. Twilight said the only magic I have is soul magic and it’s supposed to pour out of me if I’m not wearing this collar”

“Your soul magic pours out of you?!”

“Don’t worry apparently I’m fine. Because I can’t use regular magic, it’s probably always used to restore my soul magic”

She can only scratch her head lost, “Celestia has a lot of filling in to do with me…”

“Anyways even if he did touch me he couldn’t touch my magic because I was wearing my collar… right?”

“I wish that was the case” she sighs. “Other ponies can preform magic on you correct?”

“Yea but I don’t see.. oh shit”

“Yeah! He’s trying to corrupt your magic with his own dark magic”

“Can we like, stop it from fucking me up?”

“I don’t know. I’m not that well experienced with dark magic. We need either princess Celestia or princess Luna to help. Maybe even Twilight might know something”

“This is just great” I sit down defeated, “So what happens next? Do I get all evil?”

“No. If your magic is anything like a ponies, it would be nullified by Sombra’s power. Take Shining for example, his horn was crystallized by Sombra’s magic preventing him from-“ just then Cadance falls to the floor.

I rush over helping her up, “You okay?”

“Sorry” she holds a hoof to her head. “Shining was supposed to relieve me of this position but, he can’t use his horn anymore since he was attacked. I’ve been holding up the barrier for almost two days now”

“Do you need me to do anything or?”

No… no I’ll be fine. Hopefully Twilight finds a solution soon to help awaken the crystal ponies hearts”

“Awaken their hearts? When the fuck did I miss this?”

“When you and your marefriend ran off”

“Oh”

She giggles, “Truthfully I thought you two were running off to go have some fun”

“You really are the princess of perv huh?”

“P-perv?!” She blushes, “It was simply a misunderstanding! Anypony would’ve thought that’s what you two were doing running off like that!”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. Unbelievable”

“Ugh, either way you need to apologize to Pinkie and make sure you avoid anything that might cause a passionate reaction out of you. I think the reason you freaked out so bad with Pinkie is because you really care about what she thinks of you. If it’s the soul magic that’s been affected, you’re going to be more vulnerable to impulse”

“Because soul magic is what makes us, us right?

“Precisely. It’s changing who you are”

“That’s terrifying to hear…”

She places a hoof on my shoulder, “Don’t worry, I’m sure the others will fix this and if we can’t find a cure, usually defeating a unicorn in combat unravels any spells or curses done”

I can’t help but smirk at her attitude, “So optimistic”

“Hm? Me?”

“Ponies. Doesn’t matter how things look or how they are. Always looking for the positives”

“Maybe you should take a note?”

“Aaannd that was unnecessary“

“Ha, and so is much of what we do with our lives yet that’s also what makes each and everypony special”

By now I had calmed down, Cadance’s soft approach soothing to my hurting soul. I never realized how much I needed to hear somepony tell me things are going to be okay until now.

“So what makes Sombra special? Can we even beat a… cloud pony?”

“Reading the history of the crystal empire, his original defeat was caused from the two princesses using the power of the crystal ponies. If we can find a way to restore this power I believe we could defeat him this time for good”

“As long as it’s you all doing the restoring”

“Oh don’t be such a filly, I know you’re tough enough to go help those girls. Plus you owe your mare an apology”

“I do owe her one I’ll agree with that but, don’t call me tough. I’m anything but that”

“Not from what I’ve heard. Unless that story about a human breaking away from his kidnappers and surviving was all a myth”

“It was luck” I point a finger to the scar running up my face. “This is proof”

“I see it as more of a symbol of bravery. A sign that anypony could be a hero even with the odds stacked against them”

Her consistent need to praise me begins to become irritating, “Why are you so persistent that I’m a good person? Why do you even trust me? We don’t even know each other!”

She answers as if it were simple, “Because I could see the love Pinkie had for you and I can see how much you love her as well. You wouldn’t be so stressed out otherwise”

“Bad people can love too. That’s not a legit answer”

“Why do you need a answer? What’s wrong with accepting what I believe? I trust you for that reason alone, isn’t that what you asked?”

I needed justification. A persistent struggle to find balance in hearing praise. A seesaw of emotions for every motivation or action just because I believed I was terrible. Always creating problems where there are none. I sit back down with my hands pressed together.

“Why am I this way?”

Cadance shrugs and starts to move toward a door near the back. “I’m not qualified to answer questions like that Joey” she opens it stopping in the doorway. “I’m the princess of love not existential crisis. I need to take care of my husband, go find the girls and make things right”

The door shuts leaving me alone again. She was right.. and rather informative. I needed to find the others and stop being such a pussy. They needed me and to be honest I needed them more. Each of those girls built a structure of traits I so desperately required to hold a stable mind. Without them I was lost. And so I headed back down the stairs toward the building I last saw them walking into.

Approaching its massive size, the pillars stationed in front were larger than 2 arm lengths around. A truly marvelous architecture. Granite or marble made up it’s entirety, constructed to provide symbols of art, their culture. The work reminded me that of the main hall windows in Canterlot’s palace. I could only imagine what each carving might have meant. This wasn’t the time for speculation however as I settled for running my hand along the wall while entering the buildings steps. Two slightly large wooden doors stood between me and the others now. My stomach felt heavy.

Pushing forward I enter into a large hall littered with bookshelf’s on multiple levels of walkways. This library had to have been larger than anything found back on Earth, books stacked to the ceiling several stories high. This must be what it looks like in a Twilight Sparkle wet dream.

“Joey!” Speaking of the devil. “I’m so glad you’re here! Isn’t this place amazing? There has to be hundreds of thousands of books in here!”

“Glad I’m here too Sparkle. By the way where’s Pinkie?”

“Oh, the girls are scattered around here somewhere. We’re all looking for anything on a crystal heart”

“A crystal heart?”

“Yes! I believe that’s what will help the crystal ponies come back to their senses. Have you noticed how all of them are missing their cutie marks? That, and how lost they seem? It’s like they haven’t missed a beat since a thousand years ago! Perhaps this could be the closest thing we know to time travel…”

Twilights nerd talk makes it easy to get distracted from my worries. “Easy doctor Frankenstein, no need for any wild ideas. I’ll get to looking for a book when I find Pinkie. Good luck”

“Good luck to you too! Oh this is just amazing!” She runs off carrying 15 or so books in her magic behind her.

I scurry off into the deeper reaches of the building, an area much darker than around the entrance. Whether from a lack of windows or candles I’m surrounded by hidden rows of ancient knowledge lost to pony kind, barely eligible in the shadow. The ground beneath almost seems to become engulfed in a dark mist around my ankles. It’s strangely comforting, a wish for it to devour, erasing myself from this existence. My vision spins and I feel like blacking out.

A object slams into me with a strong grip around my torso hard enough to make me spin. Reaching to peel the object away from me it’s oddly pleasing and delicate smell freezes me. Cotton candy.

“Pinkie?” I grab hold lifting her from falling. With a quick glance to the floor I see the darkened mist now gone from sight replaced by a standard tiled floor.

“Joey!” She shouts now looking at my face. “I’m so glad you’re okay!” A stabbing pain pierces my heart hearing her relieved expression.

“I’m sorry”

“Sorry?” She jumps out of my hands. “Joey you scared me half to death! Do you understand how difficult it was not to tell the others how bad things could be just so you wouldn’t be too stressed to come back? I wanted to cry I was so worried!”

Kneeling down to meet her at eye level it’s a rather pointless gesture seeing how I can’t find the means to face her. “I’m sick… and I… please help me” my voice cracks.

She brushes her head against me into a hug, “We need to have a talk about this later but for now tell me what’s wrong” she clearly pissed with me yet remains calm enough not to yell.

“There’s a voice… it’s my voice but, it’s… not me and it keeps berating me every chance it can. Normally I could deal with this but it’s also fucking with my emotions. I can hardly keep myself from freaking out since we got here”

I was sure she could tell my honesty given the rapid beating of my chest against her own. This wasn’t all though. A sick feeling in my stomach made me ill and I felt like fainting.

“I’m really tired and emotionally drained. Honestly I just want to sleep”

More like die

“T-this sounds really spooky and bad! We should ask Twilight or Cadance what to do!”

“Cadance thinks it’s cause I got too close to Sombra. He might’ve cursed me with his magic or something. I don’t know but I’m feeling really tired” I lean back into the bookshelf behind me. “Can you let me rest here why you go get her?”

“I can’t leave you like this!” She reaches into her bag and places two ear plugs into my ears before cupping her hoofs together. “TWILIGHT COME OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!!!” I can faintly still hear her.

“Heh, that was pretty loud” my eyes start to get heavy.

She pulls the plugs out starting to panic now, “No no no! Joey we can’t sleep right now it’s time to be wakey wakey!” She even slaps my face a little.

I bat her hoof away, “Okay… okay I’ll try to stay awake”

“You better!”

“I will”

“Pinkie promise me you’ll stay awake” my eyes widen at her words.

Facing her stare I truly have to internalize if I have the willpower to actually stay awake. Sure I was tired and growing more sleepy by the second but, the worry of breaking a pinkie promise? Could that be enough?

“Hm mkay… I pinkie promise”

“You have to do the whole thing”

“Ugh, cross my heart, hope to… fly” I daze off some catching myself quickly, “stick a cupcake in my eye”

“Good! Now you wouldn’t break a Pinkie promise right?”

“I’d die before I did that”

“DON’T SAY… stay awake for me lovey I can hear Twilight coming” her voice sounds so caring to me in the moment.

Nodding slowly I start to feel cold. I can’t help but shiver after a few more seconds. Pinkie places her hoof to my forehead with wide eyes just as Twilight rounds the corner.

“Pinkie we found the book… what’s wrong with Joey?”

“He’s burning up! Twilight please I don’t know what to do!”

“Pinkie calm down first and tell me-“

My vision starts to grow black and their voices become distant murmurs. Each blink becoming more and more dangerous.

Isn’t this what you wanted? An existence without pain? Let it take you

I nod in agreement almost falling back into my own subconscious. Drifting for a while another voice speaks up.

”You wouldn’t break a Pinkie promise right?”

Frowning I shake my head, “No… no I wouldn’t”

Slam! I’m hit with realization. I sit myself up with open eyes observing my surroundings. Cold, I was still cold covered in a blanket. Admiring its stitch work I spot that I’m on the same couch from before within the spire tower. A few voices to my left draw attention. Near the balcony stood both Pinkie and Cadance in a serious looking conversation. Pinkies smile doesn’t appear until she notices I’m awake. Running over she stops just short instead of tackling me like normal.

“I didn’t fall asleep I swear!”

“Hehe, you’re still alive aren’t ya? If you broke a Pinkie promise we couldn’t have this conversation silly!”

“Ah of course, you would’ve killed me!”

We share a light laugh before things fall somber again. “Pinkie, am I dying?”

She noticeably flinches at my words, appearing to be on the edge of breaking down. “Cadance said you’d be fine as soon as we fix this crystal pony problem! We just have to make these stubborn ponies love their city again and Twilight came up with a big party plan to fix everything”

“That sounds right up your alley!”

“Yup!” I start to get up using my weak legs. I’m a little wobbly but can make do.

“Alright so what do you-“

She pushes me back down onto the couch, “BUT, part of the plan was that you stay inside here and rest. You won’t get any better if you don’t let your body rest!”

I want to plead my case on how I could help but remembering what happens earlier makes it tough to argue. I relax back down. “Okay, I’ll stay here”

“Good! Now I have to go help with the party so make sure you stay here and don’t fall asleep! Cadance will help keep you awake”

Sure enough the pink princess sits beside me on the couch with a smile. The kind of smile that makes you feel like you’re old yeller and that we’re going out back to be put down. “I’ll keep him awake I promise”

“Okay… we’ll I need to hurry off” she sits there still hesitating. Her eyes observing me taking in every detail as if it were her last time seeing me.

“Goodbye kiss?” I smile.

She smiles back with ears pinned and gives me a light kiss. Her hot touch is heavenly leaving me empty when she has to pull away. “I love you”

“Love you too pink, now go kick some ass at that party”

Her pained smile grows only a little, “I’ll kick some party ass just for you” she winks and leaves me stunned at her use of a swear.

Taking off she makes sure to give me one last glance before heading down the stairs. Watching her leave I can’t help but start to wonder if this is my last day alive. To come so far only to fall from some shitty curse.

How come it didn’t affect Spike as well? Probably because of some magic resistant bullshit I’d bet. Stupid dragons

“We should probably talk to keep each other awake. I’m sorta falling asleep here too”

Her eyes were indeed rather baggy and dark. I could she was at her wits end.

“Where’s Shining? Is he sick like me?”

“Yes but he’s faring much better. If I had to guess he’s somewhere helping out with the festival going on”

“Hm… I’ve been meaning to ask you. What do you think is more important. Friendship or love?”

She bursts into giggles, “Can Twilight hear me?” I share a chuckle with her. “Well I’d say they are both just as important”

“Oh that’s a cop out. Cmon give me something”

“I can’t! I wouldn’t do that to Twilight”

“Ugh fine. Can you admit to me that Twilight is being tested for becoming a princess?” This seems to catch her off guard drawing a rather suspicious reaction.

“W-what? What makes you think that?”

“Because she’s Celestia’s pupil and is always going around doing crazy shit like this”

“Mmmm alright maybe she is being tested but, you can’t tell her I said this. You understand right?”

“My lips are sealed” we share the peaceful moment for a minute or two in silence. “Did you tell me that because I might die?”

“Pinkie already told you-“

“Cadance… please. Be straight with me”

She lowers her head, “We don’t know how to stop it from getting worse. It’s almost like your magic is flame on a candle, and your body is the wax”

Staying still I let the words sink in. “And what if they fix the crystal ponies? Would I be okay then?”

“That’s what we’re hoping. Using their power we could easily defeat king Sombra but, we don’t know where the crystal heart is. If Twilight doesn’t find it in time… we might all die”

“So my death really comes down to whether or not I outlast you”

“I’ll try to stay awake long enough for them to find it and you just stay awake for Pinkie Pie alright?”

“Could you explain to me what would happen if I did fall asleep?”

“This is a guess but, since magic is most active when a pony is awake if you fall asleep your magic will likely stop fighting as hard to reject the dark magic. I’m not sure how much quicker things would progress if you did sleep so, let’s keep you awake”

“Huh I didn’t know it was most active when you’re awake. I just figured it would be like my white blood cells and work whenever”

“What do you mean? The immune system works better during sleep”

“I never considered myself an educated man alright and how do you ponies know about white blood cells? What kind of tech do you have without inventing a lightbulb?”

“There’s ponies in Canterlot that recently developed a magic powered light that could light an entire room with only a simple charge. Is that what you meant by ‘lightbulb’?”

“Yes and it’s nice to hear you ponies are finally getting more civilized. Now only if we could fix the whole no clothes thing”

“I guess that’s something you wouldn’t understand given your lack of fur”

“Sounds like an excuse, specially coming from the princess of perverted thoughts and actions”

“Perverted? Not all love I handle falls under the category of sexual. Just… most of it”

“Least you’re honest”

“Seeing how we’re on the subject, have you and Pinkie had sex yet?”

If I was drinking at the moment I would’ve spit. “Okay t-that’s just not s-something you ask”

Smiling she gives a few tired giggles, “Oh? Am I not the princess of perverted thoughts and actions?”

“Touché”

“You don’t have to answer me, I got all the proof I needed from your reaction” blushing feverishly I want to bonk this mare for her awful behavior.

“What was it like? I don’t mean to be invasive but, I was always curious how pony non-pony relationships work when it comes to those things. It’s important information for me to study see”

“Don’t mean to be invasive, yeah okay”

“What if I told you something rather embarrassing first? I’m not lying when I say it’s important for me to know”

“Yeah but, I’d rather not hear about how you and Shining get it on or some shit-“

“So our honeymoon started rather quickly if I might add. We hadn’t made it two blocks from the ceremony before Shining shut the covers to our carriage and-“

“Horny jail! Fucking horny jail!”

She covers the sides of her head, “I’ve stopped! Please stop the yelling, my ears can’t handle such loud noises right now”

“So if I tell you anything about it, will it help keep you awake longer?”

“Absolutely! Likely keep you awake as well. Nothing gets the blood pumping quite like embarrassment!”

With a sigh and a look to the sunset I begin, “Hearts and Hooves day”

“Oh a wonderful day for a couples first time!” I shoot her a angry look. “Sorry”

“Anyways Pinkie and I and just exchanged our gifts and we got a little passionate. One thing led to another and we were… ya know”

“Was the size difference a problem? I’ve never seen exactly what your kind carries for a penis however, judging off size I’d-“

“How about we don’t guess the size of my dick”

“Fair, yet the question still stands”

Deadpan I reply, “No”

“That’s wonderful to hear! I’m glad you two were-“

“Please don’t congratulate our sex”

“Why not? It’s a pivotal moment in every relationship!”

“Either way we fucked and… if I had to guess what normal pony sex was like I’d say it went like that”

“Did you perhaps throw her around some? Maybe display more carnivorous behavior?”

“You know what, how about we change the subject”

“I apologize that was too far, I was only trying to get payback for what you called me earlier. I should’ve assumed things were rather normal given the way you behave”

“Civilized?”

“Private. You seem to dislike others prying into your personal life”

“Doesn’t everypony?”

“Most. Some would die for the attention”

“Sounds like Rarity”

“Or prince Blueblood” she says under her breath.

“So yeah pretty normal. I’ll be honest I was kinda worried that I wouldn’t be sexually attracted to her because of the way my genetics are but, I realized quickly just making her feel good was enough for me”

“Would you consider that a fetish?”

“Again, doesn’t everypony find it nice to please their partner?”

“Well there’s all types of relationships. Normal, masters, pets, goddesses”

“Shining into princesses?”

She gives a coy smile, “Now you’re getting it”

I bow still laying on the couch, “Thank you master. Your lessons will teach me to master the way of the horny”

“Hehe, you’re welcome. Now how long would you say it was? 2, 3 minutes?”

My face shifts back into my neck, “Whaaaaat? More like 15 or twenty and that was nothing. Back on Earth I fucked way longer than that”

“T-twenty?!?” Bewildered she blinks several times. “Stallions only last a handful of minutes at best! Are you some sort of sexual deviant from where you come from? Is that the reason you’ve come to Equestria? To escape capture from your people?”

“Wow you’re kidding” she doesn’t budge. “Huh, guess I’m a pretty good at the sex” I joke.

“Pretty good? You’re practically a among gods! Wait til I tell the sisters about this…”

“Wait wait wait, hold on. You are NOT telling them what I just told you”

“Why not? It’s a feat what you’re capable of”

“Because Luna doesn’t need to know”

“Why doesn’t… does Luna wish to court you?”

Doubt it, probably likes teasing a gullible fool like me

“She give it away?”

“Only like every time we meet. She keeps asking me questions about how ponies court nowadays and how to catch the eye of a stallion who’s not a pony”

“Use the term male. It means stallion for every race, species, or thing. Much easier… it’s opposite of female”

“May-al? Hmm, I kinda like it”

Our conversation stops again and my attention turns over to the balcony’s edge. It’s length and distance from myself makes it impossible to see down below into the city, the only sight a line of mountains sheltering the sun.

“It’s getting late”

…

No reply.

With a turn to my right I see Cadance has fallen asleep, her horn flickering a pink light. “CADANCE! CADANCE WAKE UP!”

I pull myself up but can’t find the strength to stand, falling to the floor beside her. Dragging my body with both my arms I grab hold of her arm and shake her best I can. She’s doesn’t falter from her rest. Looking back to the horizon I can see the bubble keeping us protected vanish before my eyes. This was it.

But I wasn’t ready to quit. Giving it everything I have I manage to grab Cadance, pulling her with me toward the stairs. If we could just get to the others we might escape. Using my body as a sled, I hold her against me while sliding across the tile floor. Thankfully it was slippery enough to glide across some.

“Whoever was in charge of waxing the floor needs a fucking raise”

The exertion catches up to me fast and my own vision starts to darken. I close my eyes and try to think of Pinkies face. What I would do to see it one last time. Grunting and sweating I finally reach the stairwell while several shouts and thundering booms shaking the spire walls. My arms scream in pain but, I can’t stop now.

“J-Joey?” Cadance stirs awake.

I let myself go limp, “Go… help them””

She leaps past me and down the stairs leaving my aching body to itself. Each breath feels heavy, a battle for each heartbeat in my weighted chest. Vision cloudy, I can hardly see now through the returning mist.

And then… it’s gone. In an instant, a large swoosh like sound slings throughout the building, echoing outside. The mist clears and my fever settles. Strangely I feel the life enter back into my body each passing second. The girls must’ve done it. I have to lay there for a bit until I feel strong enough to stand on my own and head back down the steps. There’s something to say about how much easier it is to go down these stairs then to go up.

Finally after what’s feels like an eternity I reach the bottom to find a large crowd of ponies gathered around a hovering crystal heart. It’s rapid spin creates a hum, leaving me in awe of its size. Distracted I stumble down the last few steps catching myself against a very warm and soft object.

“JOEY WE DID IT!!” Pinkie squeezes me tight, making sure I’m really there. “There was a bunch of scary lightning and nasty evil black crystals shooting out the ground and then Spike came out of nowhere with the crystal heart and saved the day! You should’ve seen it! The ponies were all like ‘yeaaaah’ and the heart thingy was like ‘zooooooom’ and then bang and swoosh and we’re all safe” she reaches as far as she can to give me a peck on two legs. “I told you we’d do it!”

Looking around my vision was still hazy yet I was able to notice there was one pony missing. “Where’s Twilight?”

“Twilight? Oh she’s.. uh… girls where’s Twilight?”

They look amongst themselves giving a few shrugs. Her whereabouts appeared to be unknown. I couldn’t help question if she was hurt. Frantically the group paced through the enlarging crowd until she made her way down the steps from the spiral tower surprising us all. Strangely she didn’t appear as chipper as expected.

Spike was the first to greet her now surrounded by a small crowd. “Twilight we did it! The crystal ponies got their love back!”

I have to lean against Pinkie to not fall over, “I must’ve missed a lot”

Dash to my side nods next to a seemingly shell shocked Fluttershy. “Things got pretty hairy but, we always win in the end” I didn’t know if I would use the term win and I would be willing to point this out if it wasn’t for the fact the two of them were dressed in armor.

“What’s with the getup?”

She lifts the helmet off her head handing it to me, “This? Twilight read the crystal ponies would host jousting tournaments back in the day so me and Fluttershy did that”

Shy remained shaking in her attire, “Really looks like you two had fun”

“Least she didn’t faint this time. Honestly I was impressed!” She gave Shy a tough pat on the back drawing her from her daze.

“Huh? Whu- is it over?! Is it all over?”

“It’s over dude” she exhaled in relief fainting on the ground. “Aaaand I spoke too soon” Dash focused back to me. “What happened to you? The other princess mare um… Cadance said you got cursed or something”

“Nearly died” I sit down, still feeling nauseous. “Fucking Sombra asshole put some super fever shit on me and I almost died, a-fuckin-gain”

“But you didn’t, a-bucking-gain”

“Doesn’t change the fact I’m not suitable for these big adventures! I’m not even that fragile, it’s just that this world is incredibly dangerous!”

Aj walked over to my side taking off her hat, “I really hate to say this but, I think Joeys right. Maybe we shouldn’t be invitin him on all these trips, specially if they’re from princess Celestia herself”

I reach out to give her a hoof bump, “Thank you! A voice of reason”

“But what about all the fun you’d miss? Plus it’s more time we get to spend together! Think of it as really scary date night only with big evil ponies and forgotten cities” She rubs her face against mine. I really do appreciate how she doesn’t yell nearly as loud when I’m this close, it’s a nice touch. I also appreciate the fact the attention is off me now, the conversation between Twilight and Spike more distracting.

“Spike, this was supposed to be my chance to prove to Celestia how hard I’ve been working! I’m really happy that you saved us all and that the crystal ponies are safe but, would you understand if I told you I was still disappointed in myself?”

“But you trusted me to take the crystal heart! I’m sure that’s some sort of friendship lesson she’d like” Twi’s ears sunk against her skull.

“I hope so… I guess I should write another friendship report”

Ignoring the downtrodden Twilight, the city ponies now sparklingly bright, lifted Spike high into the air, tossing him up several times with cheers. It was a joyous vibe, the crystal ponies now free of fear able to live their lives once more.

An hour or so goes by before we started making our way back to the train station, the group disheveled and cheerful. Cadance and Shining stayed behind watching over the city, likely the new royalty to hold the throne. Twilight seemed to cheer up some over time, now joking with Rarity about potential new dress designs using the crystal ponies materials. Things were good. I even almost forgot my argument with Pinkie… almost. To say things were a little awkward would be an understatement. I wish things could’ve been cleared up earlier but, if it wasn’t for my near death experience we had to postpone. We both shuffled in our seats.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I should’ve told you when something was wrong but, I did that shit again when I thought I shouldn’t bother you”

“Joey you really scared me this time…” her expression much more serious and concerned then her normal bouncy exterior. The sight alone made me feel even more disappointed.

“Pinkie I swear I’ll do whatever you ask if you forgive me. Please, I’ll even comb your mane every morning”

“First off, you know I don’t comb my mane! And secondly, I already forgave you stupid!”

“Wait what?”

“That wasn’t you that yelled at me silly, I know it wasn’t. My joofus wouldn’t be so mean”

“Pinkie I was terrible to you”

“Nope! Not my Joey… but, we do need to talk about you keeping things from me again. How am I supposed to help you if you don’t speak up!”

“I know, I know. It won’t happen again”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, just try to be better. You can do that for me right?”

I take her hoof in my hand, “I can”

She sighs, “It makes me feel like there’s a big rain cloud in my head when you do things like that. That the Pinkie inside can’t see the sun and her picnic is all ruined cause she’s not dependable enough to be trusted”

“You are dependable! Hell if I didn’t have you I don’t think I would’ve made it when I first moved out of Twilights. Pinkie I was suicidal”

“Let me be your sunshine then, let me clear away the clouds in your head” my heart aches.

Hugging her into my chest she sits atop my lap returning the embrace. “You’re already my everything Pinkie… and that was a little too cheesy”

We pull apart with our noses touching, staring into each others eyes. She warms my heart, leaving me with butterflies in my stomach.

“But I thought you loved it when I’m cheesy”

Her innocent smile causes me to kiss her head and boop her nose for good measure.

“Dawwww you two are adorable!” A returned hoodie from one of the girls slams into Dash’s face making her fall backwards into the seat in front of us.

I turn my attention back to Pinkie, “Wanna do it the doggy way when we get home?”

Giggling she kisses me, “I actually spoke with Cadance about a couple other ways we can do it”

“When did you do that?”

“About twenty minutes ago”

“Princess perv finds time no matter the circumstances” I can practically see her grin.

The rest of our train ride is rather uneventful. Not much longer from our departure, we arrive in Canterlot for a pit stop. Twilight needed to deliver the news and the rest of us followed. She doesn’t take very long with Celestia, breaching the throne room doors with a large smile.

“I passed!” And the group was ecstatic again.

After spoiling ourselves with some ice cream in Twilights name we head back to our train for the long journey home. The mood didn’t settled down until we got close to Ponyville. We were beat, exhausted from the long day. Saying our goodbyes to the others Pinkie and I made our way back home in the dark, a insane chain of events leading us back to where we started. It’s crazy to think just this morning we were unaware of the danger awaiting us. Opening the door to my house a large dark figure towered in the center of the room. Pinkie lagging behind jumped into the air at the sight, hanging onto me from fright.

“AHHHH A SHADOW PONY!!!!”

Instantly every candle to my home became alit revealing the pony within.

“Hath thou lost their mind?!?” Luna walked over to me with rage in her eyes. I expect a slap but instead she looks to the pony behind me in anger. “You have endangered our love again and we shall not stand idle while you test thou’s luck with fate once more!”

“Uh Lulu?” I question.

“YOUR LOVE?!” Pinkie rightfully questions as well.

“It has become clear to us that you are incapable of protecting Joey and have continually placed him in harms way! We wish to take him with us to guard him at the palace til properly protected from his illness and other dangers. This is clearly the correct decision to be made and there is no pony more qualified than I”

I remanded dumbfounded at the whole experience, my mouth ajar. Pinkie stepped forward in my behalf, “Joeys not going anywhere! I’m perfectly capable of protecting him as is, isn’t that right?” She turns back to me with fire in her eyes.

“Err..”

21 Paint the Town Pink

View Online

Like normal, my life is without regularity. First, the incident with princess moon butt. Given our exhaustion and the time of day our discussion with the fiery Lulu was brief.

“Thou means to tell us thee King Sombra, the very same who banished the Crystal Empire attempted to posses my dear Joey?”

“What?! Were you even listening? I said he made him all silly!”

“Silly? You truly think I would believe such babble? Do not mistake us for a common fool, the report I was given states he nearly died!”

I attempt to interject, “I uh-“

“We had everything under control! I’d never let anything EVER happen to him and you better believe it sister!”

“Such gallant talk expected from the element of loyalty, or was it laughter? Yes, the clown of the group, I remember it clearly now”

“Luna-“

“Better to be a clown then a big meanie. I’m sure he’d find spending time with me way more fun than anything a big gloomy mare like you could have!”

“Why you- I will have you know we hosted the original Equestria games until the ponies found our entertainment too ‘dangerous’. Hath thou ever hosted a gladiator tournament for Equestria? No, we did not think so”

“Oh yeah! I bet you can’t even host a birthday party and I’d know cause I host ALL OF THEM!”

“Girls please-“

Luna closes the gap, their faces only inches apart, “We would be a much better suitor for his courtship than thou simply from experience alone. Do you know how to pleasure a stallion the royal way?” She blushes however lightly compared to my own.

Pinkies face turns hot as well, “I know how to pleasure a hooman which is more than you can say!”

“Thou can’t even say human right!”

“Who cares!”

“GIRLS!”

They stop their bickering and look to me shocked. “You two are being ridiculous! Luna! Why did you come to my house unannounced hiding in the dark and why do you think it’s a good idea to insult my marefriend by saying she’s incapable of helping me? She’s been here every step of the way, supporting me in any way she can. Never complained, never quit. So if you don’t apologize right now for what you said I’m going to have to ask you to leave”

“Yeah, say your sorry!” I turn to Pinkie now.

“And you! Can’t you understand why she might be so riled up? She’s one of my best friends and scared about my well-being. Sure she’s been a little rude but, that’s no reason to instantly go at each other’s throats!”

“But she-“

“No buts! Both of you apologize”

“Why would we need to-“ *death stare* “-Miss Pie we would like to apologize for our rude disposition”

“And pinkie?”

Her hoof traces circles, “I’m sorry for getting mad”

“Thank you, both of you. Now Luna, I’ll vouch for Pinkie and say she does a wonderful job keeping me safe. Given the circumstances I’d say she did as well as a pony could so could you not barge into my house and start fights with everypony?”

With a frown and I sigh, I can tell she’s displeased with herself. “Once more I do apologize for my actions. Although many years have passed since our life carried any sense of normalcy. However, we know that is no excuse for the inability to be civil, I was a princess before our banishment as I am now”

“You’re figuring it out. I know you’ll be fine”

“Yes, with friends such a thou I do believe a quick adaptation would be more expected than without and I thank you for that” pacing some around the room she continues, “Yet we seem to still struggle with the idea our closest friend has nearly died once more. Please explain to us what happened in your own words”

“That’s fair enough”

I give her a rundown of everything that happened, leaving almost nothing out. By the end of my recap she had completed settled down. The three of us sat on my couch, me the divider of the two. Pinkie held tight around my arm glaring daggers toward Luna while she let her Lunar mane flow viciously behind her.

“Hm, perhaps the best course of action was taken however, this does not make this conversation over. We still believe it would be in thou’s best interest to stay at the palace with us until this is all figured out. At least until we can in good faith leave you unattended”

“Luna you’re not my mother, I can take care of myself and I don’t want to stay at that castle. First, your sister lives there and things would be all awkward. Second, I have my own place already and I like living here. It’s secluded and I get plenty of privacy. Third and the last reason, all my friends live here!”

“We do not reside here. Are we not considered a friend?”

Not cool playing the guilt card

“Don’t do this Lu, you know I like to talk and hang out with you whenever I can”

“Yes, but we- I miss you every time we part! Each goodbye is to lose our rose so quickly pulled from a hoof without another moment of cherished smell. I’m left with nothing but the pain of a prick, a memory of when loneliness did not come for us during the ever so lengthy nights. I cherish every second thou gives I do swear but, I wish for more then bittersweet dream meetings”

Conflicted I’m unsure what to say. Here my friend is spilling her guts to me, making me aware of her struggle against loneliness and I cannot find a solution that caters both sides. I can’t just up and leave the girls until Luna finds a temporary cure. Who knows how long it could take and I couldn’t ask Pinkie to come with me as well.

“Princess Luna?” Pinkie asks, now letting go of my arm. “Do you love Joey?”

With all seriousness she nods, “By my hearts desire, I do solemnly swear”

Pinkie looks to me, “Joey… you should go”

“What?”

With a quick glance back to Luna she strengthens her resolve, “Joey she’s right! I can’t protect you like she can”

“Pinkie yes you can! You already have!”

She shakes her head, “I want you to be safe and I can tell Luna wants that for you as well. I wouldn’t be a good marefriend if I didn’t let you go”

“That’s not true”

“We both know it would be the safest plan. Even I know that. Me, Pinkie Pie”

“Pinkie you’re not stupid so don’t pretend like this is some sort of obvious decision”

“But it is! What if the girls need me for another crisis! I can’t worry about being an element and worry about you as well. I’ll be honest Joey, I’m sort of stressed out from it”

“Can’t you come with me? Think of it has time off from hosting parties, like a vacation. And if the girls need you, you can just take the train back”

“Hosting parties is my favorite thing to do though”

“Then host them in Canterlot til we get back. I bet all those nobles never had a real party before, a party only you could throw”

“But the ponies in Ponyville need me and the girls, the girls need me here too. I could be needed like right away! I can’t come with you”

“She right. The elements of harmony must stay close together if we are to have any chance against a new threat. We couldn’t possibly ask for them all to join you either”

“But… I, I need you Pinkie! I’m a mess without you!”

Smiling she gives me a hug, “You don’t need me to hold your hooves every step of the way. You’re a big colt and big colts can make it on there own. Plus you got princess Luna” she gives a small smile her way.

“But… but”

“This decision doesn’t need to be made tonight nor do you need to leave with haste. For precaution, we would appreciate an answer before the end of the month” she places her attention to Pinkie and bows. “Thank you Pinkie Pie for understanding our worry. We place our trust in thou to protect him no matter his decision”

“I’ll keep stupid safe I swear!”

Giggling she makes her way over to the door, “We will begin our research tonight to ensure a quick return if you do choose to join us at the palace”

I spin quickly to face her, “How long would I be gone if I did go?”

“Oh I wouldn’t keep you longer than a few months”

“And Pinkie could visit me anytime?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t dare hold you two apart. This isn’t a banishment or a quarantine. We are simply keeping thou safe as the elements go off on their adventures at least until we find a way to protect you”

“But if you don’t find a way after a few months I go home?”

“It would be rather rude to make lovers stay long away. I may appear a cold mare on the outside but, I hold a heart just like anypony”

“Ok… I’ll think about it”

“Indeed you shall. Goodnight to you two. May the moonlight soothe your slumber” with a swoosh and a poof of dissipating mist, she vanishes from sight.

A squeeze against my arm reminds me about the mare to my side, “Are you sure you’re okay with me going?”

She burrows her face into my chest, “No but, I want you to be safe and I know princess Luna will make sure that happens. So if I have to be a tough mare and take care of the house by myself I will!”

“What if I tell her no” she stops rubbing her face into me to hold her teeth out, ready to bite. “I would really miss you!”

“Send me letters! And it’s not like I wouldn’t come visit you. You know I like adventures”

“It’s not really an adven- *munch* -AH! Look at you, Daring Do’s prodigy in the flesh!”

“That’s better”

“You can’t just bite me every time you don’t like what I say”

“Sure I can!”

“*sigh* so you think what she said is the right thing to do?”

“Yeah but, it’s not gonna be easy peasy. Can you promise me you’ll be a good little colt by yourself?”

“Can you promise me you won’t burn my house down?”

“Our house”

I hug her close, “Our house”

“Sí”

“Spanish now huh?”

“Oui”

Another week passed and I still hadn’t given Luna an answer. There was only one more week til month end so if I was going to make a choice it would need to be soon. Still stumped, I planned to ask Twilight as well to see her opinion. Surely she would have a insightful response.

“You should go” she’s doesn’t even turn around to look my way, keeping her focus on the book in front of her.

“But that would mean we’d never see each other for like 3 or 4 months! Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Meh, that’s only like a quarter of a year Joey. We’re all young still, why does it matter? And given the context, this will ensure we don’t have to worry about your issue anymore”

Sitting down on the chair beside her I look out the window of her small study, “I know I probably should but, what if it’s all a waste of time?”

“Then you’ll have no regrets”

“Wouldn’t I regret going? Also you don’t seem very bothered by all this”

“You haven’t done a very good job staying in touch with me anyway since you’ve moved out. It’s not like I’m used to you living with me anymore” there’s clear bitterness in her voice.

“Sorry”

“Have you even asked Pinkie about us yet?”

“…”

“Ugh” she face hoofs.

“Look it’s really tough to bring that up alright? When am I supposed to ask that? During breakfast? Hey Pinkie I know you just made me this wonderful meal but, I was wondering if you would be okay with me dating Twilight. Even though you do everything I want and more it’s just not enough for me”

“She wouldn’t think that!” She bops me on the head with her book. “Pinkie knows about herds already you big dumbo and I’m her friend. She knows I won’t try to steal you”

“I guess I’m just used to chicks back home being so territorial. They’d even go through your phone, through your mail..”

“What does chickens have to do with this conversation?”

I blink twice, “Mares Twilight. Chicks is another word for mares”

“Oh”

“Maybe if you weren’t buried in your books you’d know a thing or two about courting”

She stops reading, “I know about courting!”

“Does everything you know come from reading a book?” She bashfully looks away. “Exactly”

I make my way over and place her in my lap, stealing her chair. I drape myself over her shoulders, holding the book up she was reading. It’s a little awkward given her horn but, it’s easy to keep it away from my face. Checking her reaction through a small mirror on the table I can see she’s blushing heavily.

“Um… you don’t need to uh” she struggles to speak.

“See? Flustered already”

“Any mare would be flustered if a big stallion held her like this! Specially a stallion she likes!”

“Easy there Sparkle, don’t want your seat to poke ya now do you?”

Her face is practically on fire, “Please Celestia kill me”

“Hehe, I’m kidding. You couldn’t handle all this stallion anyway” She puffs her cheeks and crosses her hooves frustrated. “Alright I’ll stop” I take a peek over her shoulder to read the book myself. It’s in some form of Poniesh I can’t read.

“It’s a spell enchantment book. I found this back in the crystal empire’s library. There’s all kinds of new spells I’ve never heard before in here. Like this one” she points to a specific squiggly line. “This one can turn any fruit into a different fruit”

“Sounds practical” I say sarcastically.

“Don’t be such a dolt. I know you’re smarter then you let on”

“Now you sound like my teachers”

“And did you ever listen to them?”

“Not soon enough. One college debt later and I realized maybe they were on to something”

Shifting against me she try’s her best to ignore the situation and focuses back on her book, “Anyways if you’re looking to help me today I have a few tests I want to run in town. Care to join me?”

“Why not have Spike help you? I’m sure he’s much better at the supportive role”

“When it comes to magic? Yes, although if you haven’t noticed already he’s not here”

“Where is he?”

“Fluttershy’s. Said something about helping her with some bird houses or something like that”

“Ooooo, I did it!”

She states quizzically, “Did what?”

“Set those two up! Or at least Spike to Shy”

“Huh? Why did you do that? Don’t you know he likes Rarity?”

“Sounds like you haven’t been keeping up. He’s done with Rare, he’s a new drake now”

“I don’t understand, why Fluttershy?”

“I don’t know, the two of them looked adorable together during Hearths Warming and I felt like she would be more likely to view him as an adult given her knowledge of different races and animals”

“You do know her knowledge is mainly animals correct?”

“Wait what? Shit… well they’re still cute together don’t you think?”

“I guess… I just hope he doesn’t get his heart broken”

“Again. Let’s clarify he’s already gone through the ringer once”

She shakes her head, “Poor Spike. I really hope you didn’t just set him up for disappointment again” Laying her head down on the table she blows on her bangs. “There’s times where I’ve realized I can’t be everything for him. He’s grown into a stallion right before my eyes and I can’t provide some of the help he needs now” she flips her head back into my chest, staring up at me. “Thank you for helping me with him. You’re like a father to him you know”

I wasn’t prepared blushing at her words, “Woah heh, let’s go easy now. I think he sees me more like a brother”

“I don’t know, he often wants to come to you for certain questions he’s too embarrassed to ask me but, lately he said he can’t because you always make fun of him if he gets too serious”

“Oh… damn” it’s a blow to my heart. I hadn’t realized I was causing trust issues with my joking. I knew I could go too far sometimes but, I never imagined to hear this. “I didn’t know… what should I do?”

“I guess go easier on him… and if he feels like asking you a question I’ll tell him I talked to you about taking things more seriously”

“That’s makes it seem kinda forced no?”

“Better than you humiliating him!”

“Yeah your right. Let’s go with your plan”

“Flip the page”

“So what’s the first location of your testing today?”

“Honestly I was thinking about getting some lunch first. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds good to me, let’s go”

“Hold on now just wait”

“What?”

“… can we cuddle a little longer first?”

“Ugh fine, you adorable little nerd”

“I’m not a nerd!”

“Uh huh” I nod placing the book down and leaning back into the chair. Squeezing her tight against me she moves into my hold.

“Mmm” she hums in delight. “This is nice”

Closing my eyes I pour my attention toward the feeling while stroking her soft stomach with my hand. Her lavender scent pools into my senses, taking over my brain. She’s all I need in the moment. My hand explores her purple tummy stopping just before her lower legs. This was a innocent experience I didn’t want it to be anything more. My intentions didn’t match up with my actions however as in my distraction I slipped a little too low only once causing her to twitch. She places a hoof to her mouth in an attempt to stifle her moan, failing miserably.

Our faces heats up and I retract my hand. “Sorry!”

Still slightly embarrassed from my accidental tease, she relaxes back into me. “I didn’t mind…”

Brain function failing. What is next course of action?

“Uhhhh”

“I’m just teasing!” She jokes leaping off me with a smile. “Now let’s get going before you make me fall asleep. Those hands really are dangerous”

Stunned a little, I’m able to squeak out a few words, “Y-yeah let’s go”

She turns back toward the exit and starts her trot away. A smell seeps into my nose that’s only familiar in one other situation. Me and Pinkies first time. Yuck, pony musk. Shaking my head to clear any naughty thoughts I follow behind her outside.

A kind breeze reminds me of the lengthy Equestrian summer, an experience I wasn’t accustomed to quite yet. Giving the sun a glare of disgust, I see Twilight waving for me to follow a little down the road. Ponies litter the streets given the good weather and time of day, almost making me want to turn back inside but, I push forward. Can’t run away from my problems everyday, best to learn to live with them.

To my surprise, by the time I catch up with Twilight and we reach her destination the amount of attention I gather is rather slim. The few eyes I do get happen to get are soft, happy of my presence. I can’t help but feel strange inside, unfamiliar.

“Is it just me or is everypony chill with seeing me today?”

Peeking herself Twilight can’t suppress her smile, “You’ve lived here for almost a whole year now you do know that right? They’re probably just used to seeing you by now”

“Yeah but the smiles? The happy little waves? What happened to all the ‘evil human’ in our town hate?”

We both take a seat around a small circular table outside a cafe. A few surrounding tables take notice of our arrival and greet us accordingly. Very friendly and very cordial I might add.

“See? They needed to warm up to you! You forget ponies are naturally herbivores and we can’t help be afraid of things we’re not use to, specially big aliens with fangs”

“Makes sense yet remember when I beat that stallions ass in public and everypony thought I was too dangerous?”

“It wasn’t everypony and most ponies now think you’re a hero. That news story on you wasn’t throw to the wayside, Equestrians really do pay attention to that stuff”

“Really?” I look over to a brown mare drinking her shake by herself. She gives me a warm smile and a wave forcing me to wave back. “I kinda joked about the not being a hero thing, I didn’t actually take that shit seriously”

“Well you’re a gallant knight to all the town mares now so watch out”

I whip my head back her way, “What?! Why do you say that?”

“Oh just the gossiping of a few mares that came by the library… like once a week. ‘Twilight can you put in a good word for me to your human friend? He looks so strong under those clothes of his. I bet he blah blah blah blah blah’!”

“Yikes. I’m beginning to think it was better when I was hated”

“Least they’re too afraid to talk to you directly. I know how you don’t like attention”

“That, I do not”

“What can I get you two?” Our waitress sneaks between us.

I had yet to even browse the menu, grabbing it quickly to gloss the options. “I’ll have a daffodil sandwich please” Twilight replied.

“Umm..” most of the shit on it was for ponies. A bunch of flower sandwiches, hay fries, shit I can’t digest.

Twi notices my struggle and orders for me, “He’ll get a vanilla shake”

“Wait y’all got shakes?” I flip the menu over looking for any evidence of the word.

“Yes we do however, they’re kind of a secret. We took them off the menu a few weeks ago but, you can still order them” she takes our menus leaving us to ourselves once more.

“Why do places do that? The whole secret shit on the menu shit”

“I heard it was because they were trying to move on from selling just shakes. To tell you the truth it was the main reason I came to this shop when I first moved to Ponyville”

“Where did you live before? You might’ve told me but, I can’t remember”

“Canterlot. I was always surrounded by my books. Didn’t have time to make any friends. I always thought making friend was pointless and stupid and that I should focus all my time into studying if I was to impress princess Celestia. Who would’ve thought I was doing the complete opposite of what she wanted all that time”

“You think she wanted you to be miss friendship from the beginning?”

“Maybe not to that extreme but, to at least make some friends. Like I said, I didn’t know any other pony beside Spike!”

“Heh, sound worse then me”

“I was!” Her eyes remained wide like she still can’t believe it.

“And look at you now, queen of friendship”

She giggles, “Okay that’s enough” she flips her saddlebag open and pulls the book up from earlier onto the table. “Now for my first spell I want to try and make an apple into an orange” she pulls an apple out as well setting it down on the table between us.

“Seems easy enough… although should I be sitting here? You’re not gonna miss and orangeify me are you?”

“Depends… are you going to distract me while I do this or…?” Her horn starts to glow purple and I shift back a little in my seat.

“You can’t actually turn me into an orange right?”

Anticipation builds. It might be a small spell but, any opportunity to see strange magic is a blessing to me. Remember it’s as the name says, magic. Almost no explanation behind its logic.

Just before Twilight fires her spell a pink pony behind her shouts loudly causing her to fire wildly into the air.

“HI TWI- WHOA!” We all duck instinctively yet the magic’s speed would’ve been too fast to dodge anyway.

The bolt deflects off several objects before striking a toad on a birdbath turning its torso into an orange. “Holy shit! That could’ve actually orangified me! What the fuck?!”

“PINKIE!” Twilight yelled. “Why did you scare me like that?! I could’ve hurt somepony!”

“My bad! I didn’t see you were doing a magic. Anywho, what are you two up to? Need any help? I can totally help you two if you need help so long as you say you need help and actually need help”

“No Pinkie I got Joey here if I need any help”

“But isn’t two helpers better than one? That’s like twice the help!”

I pat her on the head, “Nice Pinkie, you did a math but, Twilights right. We got this on our own. Maybe some other pony could use some help though”

Sure enough Rarity happens to bump straight into the pacing Pinkie. Her head covered in a strange hood and the rest of her body in a large coat. Taking no time to ask questions Pinkie immediately pulls it all off revealing a well put together dress. Something you’d where at a fashion show or at least what I think you’d where.

“Wow! That’s a super cute dress Rarity! How come you didn’t tell me you were making such a wonderful outfit? Huh, now that I think about it, you all were having fun without me! What if there’s fun going on somewhere right now that I’m not a part of as well! What if I miss it! I gotta go girls!” And with that she bolts off into a pink blur leaving behind a few pieces of confetti.

“That was sudden” Rarity remarks while putting her disguise back on. “What are you two up to on this fine day?”

“Before I was so rudely interrupted… I was trying out some of these spells from one of the books I got in the Crystal Empire”

“And you must be her dashing assistant today. Where ever is my Spikey wikey though? Shouldn’t he be here as well?”

“Twi said he was at Fluttershys”

“She asked for some help this morning and I gladly shipped him off cause I knew I had another potential helper on the way” she winks to me.

“Rarity can you believe she just uses me like this?”

Laughing she starts to take her leave, “Be nice to Joey Twilight, you know how fragile he is”

“Hold up I am-“

“See you later Rarity!”

“Bwha- see you Rarity! Ah fuck” she rushed me preventing my defense. I was fragile now. “This stinks” I cross my arms pouting.

“Such a drama queen.. “ she whispers, bringing her focus back to the apple.

I watch closely as she fails a few more times. Every attempt caused the apple to change in shape only for a brief moment, eventually returning to normal each time. Each minute continues to pass slower than the last and her score versus the apple grew increasingly lopsided. We had finished our meals and now looked on to the fruit, begging for its cooperation.

“I only… need this… to work once” Failure. She wipes the sweat accumulating on her brow and takes a swig of her water. “Wow, this is a toughie”

“You almost had it though”

“I almost had it every time but, this time… this time I’ll get it!” She squints, intensifying her effort.

The apple starts to move again. It stretches… convulses and then…

Whack! Pinkie slams face first into Twilight causing her to fire another shot off into the air, this time striking a bird in a nearby tree. It’s now orange shaped body flew into the air by its remaining bird appendages.

“GAH! Pinkie! What are you doing now!”

“Oh hi Twilight! I’m trying to time myself to see how quickly I can get back to Sweet Apple Acres from where Dash is to make sure I don’t miss anything between the two!”

“And how’s that going?”

“I’ll be good If I can just cut off…. twenty minutes”

Twilight giggles and I place a hand on her shoulder, “Pinkie you’re not going to be able to hang out with them both. Just pick one I’m sure they’ll understand”

“The only way you could ever meet with them both would be if there was more of you to go around”

Pinkies internal clock seems to tick away until she leaps into the air in a eureka! “*gasp* THE MIRROR POOL! I gotta go! Thank you Twilight!”

“The what?” She spoke so quickly I couldn’t make out what she yelled.

“Ignore her, I’m sure it’s just Pinkie being Pinkie”

Shrugging my shoulders I can only agree. Back to the apple that’s clearly not an orange. “Are you sure you’re the element of magic cause this seems like a fairly simple spell”

“Funny coming from somepony who can’t do magic”

“Me and you both know the individuals that make the best critics are the ones who’ve never done the thing they’re critiquing”

My joke distracts her enough to cause a pause, “Joey I really need to focus. This isn’t a simple spell, I’m converting the molecular anatomy of an object into another object!”

“Is it supposed to be easier cause it’s an apple or would it be easier with like a quill changed to a pencil?”

“Hm, good question. I have no clue”

“Ah science” I sit back into my chair admiring the hole Pinkie dug into the earth. “Any good scientist would start with a hypothesis you know. Learned that in school” I puff my chest out.

“Heh, yes you’re quite the scientist. Oh wait, did I say scientist? I meant test subject”

I stand back aghast, “Twilight! How rude! You’ve hurt my feelings. I don’t think I could ever forgive you” turning my head away I sit with arms crossed in a dramatic fashion.

Ignoring my foolishness her horn lights again. Same as the last failures it’s a rinse and repeat. Not even 20 minutes pass before Twilight seems to tire and I feel the need to step in.

“Okay big filly, I think that does it. You look exhausted”

She sits with a light sweat going, her posture slumping slightly, “One more. I can do it this time I know I can”

“Alright but, we call it here”

Grunting she starts again and to my surprise blasts a purple bolt into her target. A poof of magical smoke hides our prize, had she finally done it?

“Twilight!” And large group of ponies make their way over to us led by Fluttershy. She’s pissed and so is everypony behind her.

“What’s going on? What’s with the crowd?”

“Pinkies! Pinkies everywhere!”

“Pinkies?”

I glance over to the table and spot a perfectly maintained orange. Grabbing it I try and show to Twilight.

A stallion in the back shouts up, “Yeah! I was opening up my shop for the day and a bunch of Pinkie Pies came running through the market and trampled my cart!”

“They ruined my date as well!” A mare yelled.

Fluttershy stepped forward, “Me and Spike were helping out my sparrows with their birdhouses when a bunch of Pinkies came and scared all my bird friends away!”

I grab her attention for a split second causing the corner of her lip to smile for me briefly. It doesn’t seem like she cares anymore at this point, still carrying a worried expression at the news.

“Uh, okay I’ll check in the library and see if there’s anything” she looks over my way, “Cmon Joey, we gotta hurry!”

As we run I can’t help question their complaints, “A bunch of Pinkies? Has this ever happened before?”

“They only seem not that surprised cause Pinkie has caused the town ponies some stress before. However this time it sounds like things are out of control”

“Sounds fucking crazy!” Then my brain can’t help but, go straight to the worst scenario. “What if Pinkies in danger? You think she might be held captive by changelings? Those things could shape shift into anypony right?”

“Calm down, she said some sort of old myth I’ve heard before when she ran off. I just can’t put my mind to what it’s called”

We reach the library and rush inside. Twilight uses her magic to tear through the shelves while I look around for anything that seems vaguely familiar.

What the fuck did she say again? Magic… something?

“Do you have any idea what we are looking for?”

“Um not really” her pile grows rapidly behind her. “I was kinda hoping you remembered the name”

“Shit” it’s all I really can say, focusing my attention to each bookshelf individually.

The task begins to become a needle in a haystack scenario, with things looking more bleak each passing second. Frustrations rise and crowd outside grows louder and larger. We hasten our pace. It’s not until Twilight accidentally strikes me with a book do I find a secret compartment on a bottom shelf. The blow slams me to the floor revealing a golden horse shoe behind a few books. Almost like a button waiting to be pressed it protrudes out faintly from the wall.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

“More than okay” I reach toward the shoe and give it a press.

Flipping it reveals a small compartment where there rest a single book. I grab it into my hands and read over the cover. ‘The many rumors and myths of Ponyville’.

“This it?”

She pulls it into her possession flipping to a page near the middle of the text. “Legend of the mirror pool, found it!” With a peck on my cheek she focuses on reading the page while making her way to the door.

Placing my hand to the spot she kissed it takes a second for me to snap back, rushing to her side as she faces the crowd in front her library. “Twilight what are we-“

“Attention everypony! I’ve got the solution!” They all stop what they’re doing and give Twilight their undivided attention. “I need everypony to go back to their houses and wait inside until we have all the Pinkies taken care of!”

“What about my shop?! She broke my cart!”

“Yeah what-“

“Listen, you’ll have to speak with Pinkie or the mayor yourself after this is all done and taken care of, just please do what I asked and everything will be back to normal before you know it”

“How come the big human doesn’t do something about it? Shes his marefriend! I bet he had some part in this!”

“Isn’t he magical or something?”

Slammed by a thousand eyes I feel the need to shrink away back into the library. “I uh-“

“He didn’t have anything to do with this and he can’t fix it on his own either. Now if you all-“

The ground starts to rumble. With a pan to our left a large cloud of dirt speedily approaches. Everypony panics, splitting off into several groups running from the dust storm. Frozen in confusion I watch as it covers any ground left between myself and it in seconds. Before I’m trampled, the thunderous shaking stops and the cloud begins to fade. There has to be at least 40 to 50 Pinkies standing where it had previously remained.

“…wow”

“Hiya Tweelight! Hi Jody!” One of the pinkies hops over to us. “Is there any fun stuff going on over here?”

“Fun? Did somepony say fun?”

“I want to have fun!”

Overwhelmed at the sheer amount Twilight and I back away toward the entrance and leap back inside shutting the door. She barricades it quickly and turns around to face me.

“We have to find the real Pinkie!”

Peeking out the curtain, the several Pinkie trash the outside of Twilights home. “How do we do that? There’s at least like 40 Pinkies out there!!”

“I don’t know yet but, we should find the others first. Maybe they can help figure this out”

About an hour passes until the coast has cleared. We make our way through the town attempting to avoid the Pinkie hoard as much as possible but, eventually we realize it’s a fruitless endeavor. She’s everywhere. In the street, on the rooftops. There is no place safe from their pink rule.

Strangely I find the large amount of Pinkies more terrifying than cute. Instead of seeing the one I love in each Pinkie, I’m left with a feeling of worry. What if I can’t every figure out which one is her?

“You must be Joey! I guess you are kinda cute… in a weird alien way”

Well it’s not this one

Soon enough we get most of the girls together besides Pinkie herself and huddle inside the town hall. Cylinder shaped, the interior was made up only of a stage and several other materials for group meetings. Things like whiteboards or water coolers built the aesthetic of the room. It was more like a large shed then a town hall when you think about it.

“First off we need to get every Pinkie in the same room together. Then… we um, figure out a way to tell them apart I guess”

Rarity pushes me to the front, “We could use Joey couldn’t we? I’m sure there’s something he knows that only the real Pinkie would know”

“Yeah something icky like who’s the big spoon or who’s on top” Dash jokes.

“Twilight can we not have me reveal awkward private shit in front of everypony? Surely there’s another idea you can think of right?”

“I did have one idea but, I was hoping I could use the time rounding them all up to brainstorm a little more”

“Well lay it on us”

“Okay I uh, I figured only the real Pinkie would be willing to do something so incredibly boring for her friends that we could tell her apart from the others”

“Something boring? What like watching paint dry?”

“Actually hehe, yea”

“Wha-… what?! No we can’t do that! What if she accidentally fails and you count the real Pinkie out?!”

“Don’t tell me you have that little faith in her darling?”

“Er, no it’s not that…” Rarity completely shatters any defense I have. “I trust her I really do I just don’t… I can’t… lose her” it’s embarrassing to say aloud, at least to me.

Flutters is the first to console me, brushing my shoulder with a wing. “It’s okay to be scared. We understand”

“I’m not…” I bite my tongue settling for a sigh. There was no point in arguing. If I didn’t want to be worried about Twilights plan I could always do Rarity’s idea.

“So does everypony agree on that plan for now?”

The girls nod in agreement leaving all eyes on me. Even Spike shares a worried expression. “Fine”

“Okay so let’s get to it! First Rarity and-“

And the plan commences. Rarity, Shy, and Spike were to set up the town hall for our plan while myself, Aj, Twilight, and Dash were to round up any Pinkies we could find. I was a little out of place given my ability to only carry one Pinkie at a time however, it gave me a chance to find the real one before Twilights risky game. My first two Pinkies are clearly not my love and the third one only carries potential until I reach town hall again. Tired, I slow down my pace deciding to pick only one more Pinkie to return. I was going to be picky with this one.

Walking past a group of them painting a mares windows green, it can’t possibly be one of those. She liked pulling pranks but, never anything as serious as property damage. Another Pinkie hung upside down from a tree branch. I stood beneath her gathering her focus.

“Hi Joey!” She waved happily.

“Hey Pinkie! I was just curious-“

“Curious? About what? Sometimes I get really curious like a few minutes ago. I thought, how long would I have to hang upside down before everything stayed upside down even when I wasn’t actually upside down!”

“Since you’re feeling curious…” I start to blush thinking about what’s coming next, “You wanna see how long it would take in the doggy way before you become an actual doggy?”

That was the most perverted thing I’ve ever said

“The doggy way?”

Not our Pinkie, she’s too much of a pervert to pass up that opportunity. I keep walking up to the point where my path reaches similar surroundings. I was back at the cafe me and Twilight ate at earlier. Weird enough, Twilight was there too sitting at a table reading through that myth book. I take a seat next to her.

“Any luck finding the real one?”

“No. Most of them give it away rather quickly which makes me worry she could be in on the joke. Maybe we already have her in the town hall and she’s just playing dumb!”

“Ugh” I hold my head. “You’re going to give me an aneurysm. If this shit keeps up I don’t know how long I can keep myself from freaking out”

I’m telling the truth when I tell her this. Every minute that passes not knowing if she’s okay is taking a toll on my heart. I want to puke just thinking about it.

“It’ll be okay. Even if she’s in on the joke, when I explain the rules to her and all the other Pinkies I’m sure she’ll be the last Pinkie standing”

“So what are you going to do to the loser Pinkies?”

“Oh I was just gonna zap them with a simple lightning spell. The fake ones are only mirror copies, any disturbance to their body could make them explode”

“Could you zap them in a less harsh way so that you don’t zap the real Pinkie accidentally?”

“Sorry but the kind of disturbance we need requires a large amount of energy. Even if I hit the real Pinkie, which I won’t, she’ll be okay…. I think” she sinks back into her shoulders at the last part anticipating my response.

Remaining less explosive than she expects, I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. “Twilight if you hurt Pinkie…”

“I won’t! I promise!” Her confident gaze is comforting somewhat yet not enough to drown my worry.

Laying my head on my arms I admire Dash as she snags up the remaining Pinkies. “I just hope she’s safe”

“Me too” she closes her book watching me sulk. “Joey?”

“Hm”

“She’s going to be okay”

“…”

“Do you… need a hug?”

“… I’ll be fine”

“I think you would be more fine if I gave you a hug” she holds her hooves out to hold me.

There’s some hesitation but, I eventually fold and share a hug. Feeling her firm grip around me followed by her soft whisper was enough to crack the glass wall holding emotions at bay. She didn’t say anything coherent, instead a mix of hums and bewitching murmurs lulling my anxiety. To relax now into her enchanting touch would be effortless.

“Mmm hmm… it’s okay, it’s okay”” tingles run across my neck. I could stay like this forever.

“I have to find her”

“Shhh, take a moment to relax. Dash will find all the Pinkies for us and everything will be fine”

I couldn’t relax, I didn’t have time for it. Escaping her hold I scan the surroundings for any Pinkies. None, well not none. There was one. She sat alone at a table nearby, her eyes red and teary. Fur matted from streaks of sadness poring down her face. Even if I wasn’t sure it was my Pinkie, the sight alone broke my heart. I’m compelled to help.

Making my way over to her Twilight questions my motive, “Joey you know that isn’t the real Pinkie, she’s never be all sad like that. Let Dash pick that one up and we can head back now to make sure everything’s good with the others”

“I’ll get this one Twi. You head back and I’ll catch up” Shrugging her shoulders she doesn’t argue leaving me with the crying Pinkie.

I pull up a chair and sit across from her at the table, leaning down to meet her face to face. “Hey, what’s a matter?” It’s almost like the sight of me makes her crying worse. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong”

“You can’t help me anyway…”

“How come?”

“Cause nopony knows who’s the real Pinkie anymore… not even me” she rubs her face trying to fight back against the endless tears.

I take a play out of Twilights notebook, “You need a hug?” She stops for a second looking up to me before nodding, unable to form any verbal response.

I come around the table and hug her close, sitting her in my lap. Stroking her mane I begin to lightly sing a tune from back home. I even alter the words a little to fit the situation some.

“Don’t be so down, come on young pony. You’ll be okay you found real love. All of stories the hero gets lonely, now is the time to show what you’re made of” I’m not much of a singer but, keeping my voice light enough makes it passable.

Sure enough after a few minutes of singing she stopped crying, now completely wrapped against my torso. She rubs her face against me completely covering my shirt in snot. Normally I’d be pissed but, at this point I’ve gotten used to it.

“You feel better?”

“That song wasn’t very happy”

I chuckle, “Not every song is supposed to be happy”

“Do you know any happy songs?”

“A few… not many. Do you want me to sing a different song?”

She shakes her head, “No, that’s fine… thank you” I let her sit in silence for a bit to gather her thoughts. “I heard Twilights plan. You should probably take me to other Pinkies now”

Call it a gut feeling but, something feels different. Looking into this Pinkies eyes I can’t help feel familiarity, a heartbeat connection. “Pinkie?”

For a moment her eyes light up but, just as quickly her ears fall back and she sulks, “It doesn’t matter if I’m the real Pinkie or not at this point. The girls wouldn’t take your word on a gut feeling” she hops down onto the dirt path and makes her way to the town hall. “Besides, I couldn’t call myself the real Pinkie if I didn’t prove myself the real Pinkie”

Jogging up beside her I begin to believe I’d found my Pinkie. “Pinkie you can’t go through with this! Twilight has this ridiculous plan and I’m afraid she might mistake you for one of those clones!”

“If she does that then the clone that wins is more Pinkie then I am”

Grabbing her I spin her focus toward me, “You’re being stupid! Stop for one second and think about how you’re making me feel!”

Pausing she holds a gaze to the dirt beneath her, “I have to prove myself otherwise how will the girls forgive me for ruining all their days. I made a big mess and caused all of Ponyville trouble! I can’t ever forgive myself for this”

I hug her again this time pulling her up over my shoulder, “Come on. If you’re so insistent we go then we’re doing this my way”

“But how do you know I’m the real Pinkie?”

“Because I love you and I can tell this Pinkie over my shoulder loves me too”

“You can’t tell if another pony loves you! That’s silly! Otherwise there wouldn’t be so much worry around Hearts and Hooves day”

“Pinkie if you just trust me I’ll show you a new way that’s even better then the doggy way”

“What?! Even better?!” She practically spins herself around over my shoulder to check my expression. “Are you telling the truth?”

“See? The other Pinkies didn’t know about the doggy way”

“Well uh… what if I only told a few of them about it. Yeah, what if it’s a secret between some of them”

“Come on Pinkie, stop being a poop and listen to my plan”

“But your plan probably stinks! You don’t even know if I’m the real Pinkie!”

“Ugh, humor me”

“Okay, want to hear a pizza joke?”

“Pinkie I meant-“

“Nah it’s too cheesy” she giggles to herself while I continue walking up to the town hall.

“Listen, I’m going to hide you in the back until Twilight removes all the other Pinkies to keep you safe. Then when she’s done I’ll pull you out and bam, problem solved”

“But she has to keep one Pinkie left otherwise there’s no winner”

“Shit. Well 50/50 odds are a lot better then 1/40, plus I can step in and vouch for you”

“Oookay but, don’t say I didn’t warn you that your plan stinks”

“Such a bully”

Sneaking into the back I leave Pinkie to herself with a white board and some markers to keep her busy. Don’t want her to get bored and jump out before it’s time. Coming around the corner I run into all the others and our large group of Pinkie Pies. Their chatter fills the room with obnoxious chirps and yelling. Twilight spots me and smiles.

“Good to go?” I give a thumbs up. “Okay. ATTENTION PINKIES! We’re going to play a game!”

“Oooo a game? I love games!”

“Games are fun!”

“Yup, yup!”

“It is fun! All you have to do to win is stay still and…” Fluttershy and Dash fly above to remove the curtain covering a large wall smeared with wet paint. “Watch paint dry!”

Without saying another word every Pinkie in the room snaps their attention to the wall. Each of them hold a strong stare, eyes wide open as if they were witnessing the greatest thing in Equestria. It was a cute little plan but, I’m glad I came prepared. I didn’t even have to worry knowing the real Pinkie was a room away safely protected. She most likely was doodling some sort of cute drawing right now.

Not even 30 seconds in one of the Pinkies break. “Ooo look a bird!”

ZAP. Shes hit immediately by Twilight and begins to swell up into a balloon shaped version of herself before exploding. Kinda felt like I just watched my marefriend die. Felt close enough to the point where I didn’t want to watch anymore so I head back to where I left Pinkie.

“Hey Pinkster how’s the-“ and she’s missing. As a matter of fact, there’s actually a pair of hoof prints in the dirt leading toward the other Pinkies. Directly toward the other Pinkies.

Holy shit she’s in the game

Previously not comfortable enough to watch I now felt obligated, checking every challenger for any difference. She was among them and there was no going back. Given the circumstances could you blame me for this next part?

Cue my panic attack. I become a mess of heavy breaths and rapid eye movement. Unknown to the others I crawl away into the back room, pinning myself into the wall back first. Closing my eyes doesn’t help, my heart races fast enough to hurt. The wet streaks across my face go unnoticed as I struggle to catch even one lungful.

I have to get out, this isn’t real. I’m home, I’m home. This is a dream

Desperately I plea for an end to this suffering, twirling around on the dirt floor for any sort of relief. I begin to feel like the walls are closing in I stand up and run to get outside. Adrenaline runs high, high enough to make me run without looking back. I don’t even know where I’m going as soon as I start but, anywhere would be better then back there. Why you might ask? Even I don’t know, I just need out. In my confusion I rush away toward the outskirts of town deep into the Everfree. I stop, satisfied with the distance. The silence deafening. Not even a chirp, not even a breeze. Peace.

Inhale… exhale… inhale… exhale…

It’s all I can do to settle myself before I remember the advice from my therapist. Honestly all the preparation in the world couldn’t have prepare me for that. I was in flight or fight mode, purely off instinct looking to survive. Now however, I was lost. Calmed from my break my awareness came back to me in a wave. Metaphorically speaking it would’ve drowned me.

Oh shit where am I? Where’s Pinkie? I gotta get back! I can’t stay here!

Not full blown panicked like before, I’m pushed with a sense of hurry. More of an anxiety to be honest. So I take my leave and start walking in the direction I most feel like would lead me back. It was small victory overcoming an attack by myself yet there was no time to celebrate.

Not only does the worry drive me back but, the strange quietness is a nice touch as well. I didn’t feel like staying any longer. With the direction of the sun and knowing where Ponyville faces the Everfree, my geography skills eventually pay off. Entering the clearing I give only one quick peak back to the forest, running back to the town hall. Something was wrong with that forest and I never intend to find out what.

I didn’t know how much time had passed yet from the sound of several zaps from inside it would be reasonable to assume the game is still going. My foot reaches the back entrance once again and freezes there. An invisible force from within holds me back.

“Don’t be such a pussy! Cmon just.. fuckin walk in there!” Frustrated I take a few steps back and take a large breath. “Alright, alright. We’re not going in there… we’re just gonna-“ I run back to the door as if I could catch myself by surprise. It doesn’t work.

“Fuck! Fucking fuck fuck!” Grabbing handful of hair I try to think of a way to trick my brain.

Look at me, thinking about tricking my brain.. with my brain. This will surely work, it’s not like I can think of what’s going to happen next

To an outsider I probably looked insane. Some weird dude talking to himself and pacing around an open doorway like it’s closed. What a freak. And that’s all it took, I didn’t want to be called a freak so I walked in. Peering toward the next room, purple flashes of light struck the wall at an increasing pace. Twilight was going off. If this was call of duty she would’ve dropped a nuke by now. Then, it stops. Silence… followed by… cheers?

Tiptoeing into the other room I peek around the corner to see the girls in a big group hug. Sure enough a certain pink pony sits in the middle.

“Pinkie?”

Hearing my voice she looks over and spots me. The smile on her face contorts and her vision blurs from tears. With a leap she hops into my arms bawling her eyes out. Her momentum brought us both to the ground, my arms wrapped around her in a hug.

“I’m Pinkie! I really am Pinkie!”

“I already knew that silly”

Whether it’s from spending too much time with these ponies are because I’m delusional from all the recent stress, I rub my face into hers like I was marking my scent. I couldn’t get enough of her at this point. She pulls away to look me in the eyes.

“Are you crying?”

“Huh?” I question rubbing my own tears from my face. “Uh… no it must’ve been raining outside. Yeah I took a little breather and… it was raining” Her giggles are only interrupted with a few sniffs.

“Joey you were right… I didn’t have to prove myself to my friends. They already know I care about them and I should’ve known they’d forgive me for messing up. This whole game thing was a crazy idea and I can’t believe I went through with it”

“Heh, heh… yeah crazy huh?” Twilight awkwardly shifts. “Sorry”

“Anyways I’m sorry Joey for worrying you and I’m sorry girls for not thinking you’d forgive me. I’ve been a terrible friend and hopefully I can make things right again”

“Ah shucks, there’s no need for that! We’re just happy you’re okay” looking over the rest of the girls they all nod in agreement.

A few more tears make their way down her face alongside a huge smile, “I love you all!”

“We love you too Pinkie” They all say one after another besides one mare.

“Yeah I love you too Pinkie but, not as much as big guy over there. You shoulda seen him! He was shaking in his boots when Twilight came up with that plan. I’m blown away he didn’t poop his pants!”

She checks my reaction to see if there’s any truth, “Yep, only had one panic attack and that’s it. Didn’t even need help this time to recover, did it all on my own“

Twilight steps forward, “Wait you had another panic attack? When?”

“Uhh”

If I tell her it’s when Pinkie was actually playing the game she’ll blame herself

“I sorta just freaked out from all the stress I guess”

“Oh… well tell one of us next time you feel one coming on. You shouldn’t try and deal with that alone”

“Yeah mister! That’s scary!”

“Pinkie you have no room to talk. You scared half the town to death with a Pinkie hurricane”

“Personally I think it’s more relatable to Revenge of the Sith with all the clones and all”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, “Pinkie you can’t say shit like that and expect anypony to understand besides me”

Looking over the others they all shake their heads confused. “Beats me dude” Dash shrugs.

“On another note, this feels like the perfect time for a new friendship report! Yayyy!” Twilights the only one that cheers. “Oookay then, yay me!”

I can’t hold back my laughter from the ridiculousness of this world. Friendship reports, clones, magic mirrors, it was all crazy.

“By the way we should probably close up the mirror pool so nopony makes the same mistake as me, hehe”

And so the rest of our day was planned out accordingly. We placed a big boulder over the pool and shared some hoof fives in celebration. And sure enough it’s location was in the Everfree.

We start making our way back when curiosity gets the better of me, “Hey Twilight, what’s with this forest? Why is it all spooky and evil?”

“Frankly, I don’t know. Seems like there’s a whole lot wrong with it doesn’t there? Mysterious mythological creatures, old castles, myths like the mirror pool. If I didn’t know any better I’d say it’s cursed!”

“Cursed?” Flutters starts to shake.

“Please don’t pass out Fluttershy, I really don’t want to carry another pony after all of those Pinkies”

“So so many Pinkies” I mutter.

“Sorry again girls. I didn’t mean for things to get so out of hoof” she bashfully remarks.

I scoop her up over my shoulders, “We all make mistakes sometimes Pinkie and the punishment is writing a friendship report”

“Hey!” Twilight yells from the front. “Friendship reports aren’t that bad!” We all look away. “Are they?”

I’m the first to break into laughter followed by the rest of the girls. Friendship reports really were that bad.

22 Wonderbolt Worries (CLOP)

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An early morning in Ponyville holds all of the normal characteristics you’d expect. Derpy delivering the mail, Twilight opening up the library with a cup of coffee, Pinkie sweating heavily over me while she bounces on my dick. Ah yes normalcy, sweet sweet normalcy.

Using my chest for balance she bounced hard against my hips leaving a wet smack with each landing. God she felt great. Peering at her from where I lay is an exhilarating sight worthy of skipped heartbeat. Her sweaty matted fur. Her messy curly mane. The euphoric expression coming from her face. It was easy to tell she was in ecstasy. With a pause she leant onto my chest moaning loudly. Her body quivered for several moments coming to a exhausted halt. Letting out a held breath she goes limp.

“Ooo… hmpf… you’re wonderful”

I kiss her forehead leaving a sweaty taste when I pull away, “Not as wonderful… as you”

Taking some time to recover she remains gripped around me in more than one way. “I can’t… believe… you can keep going!”

“It hasn’t even been 10 minutes”

“Hehe… you’re silly” she pulls her face up to show her slightly exposed tongue drooling.

“Pinkie you might be hot as fuck right now but, let’s keep the drool down” I boop her nose with a smile.

“Oh oops! Sorry… so are you ready for round two?”

“I should be asking you that”

“I’m a big mare” she positions herself back up to a sitting position, moving her hips around while I still remained inside. “I can handle anything you got”

“Is that a challenge?” She nods biting her bottom lip. It was exactly what she wanted.

Deciding to blow her mind I start bouncing her on my own without her assistance. Startled she falls forward some and closes her eyes.

“EEEP!”

Grabbing her ass with both hands I continue to slam my mare until she can’t even hold a thought. This position wasn’t good enough though for me to really get going so I lean forward and pin her close to me. Sitting on my lap I pull her head into mine with a kiss, thrusting deep inside her without mercy. She has to pull away to moan unable to hold back her overwhelmed emotions.

“Uuhhh ooohhhh shiiiiiit” her eyes stay closed and her face almost looks like she’s in pain.

Her use of a swear wouldn’t enough to distract me from pounding away until I have to pause for a breather. We lay down in a spooning position and I rub her back while checking out the angle. It was a great view from behind.

Not stopping completely I slow my pace way down to check on my little Pinkie. “How was that?”

“Ughhhh… it feels like you’re going to poke right through me!”

“I thought… you were a big mare”

“And.. I thought… we were mating!”

I flinch, “Ew, don’t use that word. What are we animals?” Technically yes but still felt weird.

“Lovemaking?”

“That’s too long”

She pushed back into me matching each stroke, “Mmpf… you’re too long”

“You’re too small”

“Hold me close… I want to feel together for a little bit”

I oblige wrapping her in my arms, “What’s it feel like with me… ya know”

Her little wet marehood grips me tight, working back and forth a few times before she answers smugly, “Hm kinda like there’s a penis inside me”

I reward her behavior with another heavy thrust drawing a gasp.

“*gasp* ohhhh I was joking! I was joking…”

Grabbing her ass I spread it to the side to admire some more, “Uh huh… damn your ass is thick”

“Where do you think.. uuhh… all the sweets go.. mhmm.. silly?”

I chuckle, continuing to speed up my pace for another fuckening.

“Wait!”

“What?”

She slowly pulls me out and turns to meet my gaze, “What if we tried… something kinky?”

“Kinky? Like what?”

Her face already flushed grows a few more shades darker as she looks away. Batting my hard cock lightly she bashfully keeps her focus down, “Maybe… like… put it in my butt?”

“Huh? You want to do anal?”

“A nail?”

“Name for butt sex”

“Isn’t all sex butt sex?”

“… it’s what you call it when somepony puts it in a anus”

“Can we do that then?”

“Why would you want to? Isn’t it supposed to hurt or something?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know, I just thought that I had this hole back there and was curious what it would feel like”

“Well are you clean? Like when’s the last time you ate or something? There’s no way I’m going back there if-“

“Actually… I kinda prepared to ask you already today” her face couldn’t get any redder.

“Wait you were planning to ask me before we even started?”

“Look a mare has her questions alright! Sometimes there’s only one way to answer them…” she spins herself back around. “And that’s by figuring them out herself”

Grinding her ass against me, my little friend remains vigil as ever, ready for the mission. I can’t help but, stare at her poofy ponut. It was strangely inviting.

“I don’t know…”

She takes my dick in her hoof and lines me up so that the tip rests pressed against her back door. “Try for me once and if it’s not fun we never do it again. Fair?”

Feeling her warm entrance against me and the horny still burning brightly inside myself I give a shrug and begin the journey inward. Slowly I push yet the resistance remained strong.

“Pinkie I need something to lube me in”

“Shoot! I didn’t think of that! What if you used spit?”

“That’s sticky! Not slippery!”

“Oh hehe, well I don’t kn- actually check my saddle bag real quick. Actually I’ll check it hold on”

She rushes over to the corner of the room leaving me naked and cold with my cock out. “This is kind of a mood killer pinks”

Throwing objects aside she digs deeper into the bag, “Yeah until we get started… HA! Here it is!”

Placing the bottle in her mouth she hops back atop the bed and begins pouring some sort of lube she carries around for unknown reasons all over my dick and seemingly without care as well. She ends up pouring most of the bottle on my lower half and the bed sheets as well.

“Jeez Pinkie!”

She flips back around pointing her rump to me, “Now hurry up and poke me!”

This felt so strange and sudden, I couldn’t help but question what brought on the idea. What actually brought on the idea.

“Pinkie why do you really want to do this? I don’t get it. Is the way we were doing it before not good enough?”

“Huh?” She looks back to me between her legs. “Why all the questions? Just hurry up and rut me…. please” she shyly whispers the last part.

“Pinkie!”

“Ugh, a fetish? Is that a good enough excuse mister?” I wasn’t getting anywhere.

“Alright but…” I push against her firm entrance struggling to still make progress. “If it’s too much tell me”

“Ooohh of c-course” grunting she takes most of my length until I’m hit with a wall. I must’ve fit at least 90% of my dick in her.

The feeling was strange. Pleasuring like normal sex however, this was oddly pressured. Every part of my cock was squeezed in an intense pressure, any sudden movements cause me to be squeezed. It felt like she could hold me in here if she wanted to.

“Wow… you’re really tight… like I don’t know if this is gonna work”

Grunting she positions her upper half down to relax still keeping her ass up to the air. “Give me… ugh… a little bit”

Don’t get me wrong it felt great but, too much of a good thing can become bad. This was one of those circumstances. Not only did it feel way too tight to move, if I did the electricity it would send down my shaft was overwhelming. There’s no way I would last that long. Taking both my hands I spread her some to give myself some relief.

“Ooo try… try pulling out now”

Doing as she asked I pull back just as slow as I entered until just the tip remained inside. The pressure alone became noticeable by the color coming back to my dick. I push back in, her legs shaking at the feeling. Before I fully renter she falls to her stomach unable to use her legs. I lean down over her pushing myself deeper than before.

“Uuhhh this is too much”

“Should I stop?”

“Keep going..”

All she needed to say. Back and forth my slicked shaft worked inside her. Each pullback bringing some of her anus with me, as if it couldn’t part seeing me go. Our pace didn’t speed up much over time, only the ease at which I could move had lessened. I started to feel the buildup within me. I wasn’t going to last much longer this way. Pinkies constant moans and grunts didn’t make things any easier.

“I’m.. EEP!” She tensed around me causing a pause in my strokes. We have to take a few seconds while she rides off her climax until I start again, this time picking up pace.

“Are you… okay?” She nods unable to speak. “I’m going to… finish soon”

I continued to push deep inside her with each thrust until the tense feeling whelming up within my cock reached a breaking point. Grunting I push as deep as I can go shooting load after load inside with my steel hardened cock. My hands have to rest on the bed around her to keep myself from falling over. Tingles ran up and down my body leaving legs and arms useless. I fall over beside pulling out of her fiery hole in the same motion. I hadn’t even realized how hot she felt until I was exposed bare. We quickly cuddled together and I held Pinkie close with a kiss.

CLOP OVER

Her tired smile was all I needed to see. Closing her eyes she rested against me taking a nap and I followed suit. Post sex exhaustion made it rather easy to pass out and I wouldn’t wake back up until it was nearly midday. Drawing a look to the curtains it was reassuring to know me and Pinkie hadn’t thrown a whole day away for some morning fun time. I turned back to her and played with her curly mane. It was so easy to wrap it around my finger into little knots, pulling them back to watch fling back into disordered place. Everything about her was a mess at this point. Taking a sniff, everything about the room was a mess too!

“I gotta wash these sheets…”

“Mmm I’ll… do it later”

“No I got it this time love”

She doesn’t open her eyes but I can still see the question built upon her face, “Don’t you have an appointment with Pleasant?”

My therapist, Pleasant Thoughts. Trust me I know how stupid the name is.

“Shit you’re right. What time is it?”

“I don’t know… nap time?” She yawns flipping over to cuddle her backside into me. “You should just stay home this time. Send him a letter using that nifty little thing you got from princess Luna”

“I can’t skip an appointment Pinkie otherwise Twilights gonna beat me up”

“No she won’t”

“Yes too!”

“Meh. Then take it like a mare”

“You wouldn’t protect me?”

“… Twilight can be scary”

Gathering my strength I make my way over to the bathroom to enjoy a shower. Yes you read that right, a fucking shower. Using some of the cash I get from the princesses for the whole making me a ticking time bomb, I went out and purchased a shower. Well, not exactly. I first had to find a place with ponies skilled in plumbing and then explain what I want. Apparently showers are a thing more common with finically secure individuals and the price I paid goes along with that notion. Staring at it from where I stand now I almost want to shed a tear in joy.

“Oh my sweet baby how I’ve missed you” I hop in adjusting the water and enjoy the hot spray bouncing off my sticky body. I could practically feel the yuck wash off.

Enjoying my steamy new treat, I start to think back on the whole living in Canterlot idea. Sure it was safer and exactly what I complained about on our last adventure but, leaving behind everypony felt like something I didn’t have the strength to do. Even if it was for a few months could I last that long without Pinkie? Had I become too dependent on her? The thought alone gave me shivers. Dependency breeds poor relationships and I was all too familiar with that statement.

Not taking long, I dry off and head back into the bedroom to dress up for the day while Pinkie rolls around in bed behind me. Her groans make it clear she’s pretty much done for the day.

“Sorry Pinkie but, it was your idea”

“Ugh… worth it”

“Heh, I hope you feel better before I get back and if you don’t just tell me how I can help, okay?” She nods with a grumble and rolls back over under the blankets. “Oh and take a shower. I gotta wash those sheets when I get back”

“I said I’d get them!”

“Eh I feel kinda bad now though”

“Okay then you can do them”

“Didn’t take much to convince you…”

“Joey my butt hurts and I’m tired”

“All you had to say” I leave her to her suffering and lace up my shoes.

Heading out the door I take a glance at the clock to see it wasn’t that late in the day at all, only 2 o’clock. Thankfully my therapist reserved his workdays for patients to arrive at any time during his hours. Almost like a walk-in appointment only you actually have to schedule it. Sounds weird right? That’s cause he’s the best therapist around, thank Twilight. She was very insistent to princess Celestia that I receive only the best care if I were to take her suggestion, so when I did I was assigned to this stallion specifically. Currently working out of Canterlot, he still meets with special clients in some of his offices around Equestria. Talk about big time. When I learned all about this guy it was a little reassuring given it was my first experience going to therapy however, at the same time I felt spoiled. Why did I deserve such treatment? Just because my relationships? It never sat well with me.

With a few knocks on his office door I can faintly hear him yell to come in. Coffee, a very strong scent of it each time we meet. If I didn’t know any better I’d say the man lives off the shit. He was a brown stallion like the color of his drink, the color in his office and color of his mane. Separating him from most ponies he did sport a small goatee along with large square framed glasses.

“Take a seat, how’s your day been?”

Slouching into the leather seat it strains against my weight, “Today? Great so far but, I’ll keep the reason why to myself”

He chuckles some and spins his chair back to grab a notepad. Think stereotypical therapist office, bam you’re here with me. Two leather couches, a office chair and desk. Some files and paperwork scattered around. Even a little shameless plug of his books on the nearby shelf. Oh and don’t forget the singular potted plant in the corner of the room next to a floor level window making up the background of the room. Peering around him you could see town hall and the top of Twilights library.

“Coffee?” He offers while pouring himself another cup.

“No no no, no thank you. I don’t do coffee”

“I think you said that last time” he places a few cubes of sugar and stirs his drink before coming back to his seat. “So let’s start off with you telling me what’s happened since we last met”

“Uh okay. First um… did I tell you about the whole Crystal Empire thing?”

“Yes very much so. Remember we discussed how you should be more willing to trust the ponies closest to you. It’s clear they wish the best for you so why not recuperate their efforts by taking their advice”

“Oh yea we did talk about that…” I scratch my beard thinking about our last conversation. “Did I mention the princess Luna thing?”

Tilting his head in interest he readjust the glasses on his face, “No I don’t believe so. Would you mind explaining to me what happened?”

“Luna confronted Pinkie and I after the whole Crystal Empire thing and she suggested I stay with her at the castle for sometime until my ‘issue’ is at least, better taken care of”

Although my therapist was considered an outsider to me and the others, it was still necessary he learned of my condition. It would be impossible for us to make any sort of improvement with such a hurdle in the way so he was sworn to secrecy by the crown. I continued on.

“I know it’s probably the smart thing to do but, I gotta be honest, I’m kinda worried about not being with Pinkie for such a long period of time. Do you think I’m too dependent on her?”

“Dependency certainly can be a bad thing in certain circumstances. Do tell me, how long have you and miss Pie been courting one another?”

“Um, not crazy long. A few months now”

“Hm…” he pauses giving himself a little caffeine boost. “What exactly do you worry about? Is it whether or not you could handle the attention you might have in the castle or…?”

I shake my head, “No, I don’t think the attention from a few royal ponies would be the worst issue…” I shuffle some embarrassed to say the reason.

“Mr. Marshall? Are you uncomfortable with saying it out loud or do you not know? Separation anxiety?”

“I.. ugh, I’m… scared” he looks to me to continue. “What if I have a panic attack and Pinkies not there to calm me down? What if I’ve gotten too used to having her around and suddenly not having her right there will make me depressed? I really love her doc and it feels like she’s been there every time things get bad. I’ve never been able to really explain my depression well either but, it’s kinda like in waves only sometimes I can barely keep my head above water”

“It seems this is more of a worry constructed by yourself rather than an actual issue” he takes another swig. “You’re able to function without her correct?”

“Yea”

“You’ve dealt with your issues alone before correct?”

“Actually I just recently calmed myself down from a panic attack the other day”

“Really?” He smiles happy of my progress. “Did you follow the steps we went over to handling these flares?”

“Um… not exactly. Matter of fact, handled it pretty poorly but, I did get over it alone”

“Meh, perfection is overrated, I’m glad to hear you got over it with your own power”

“Thanks” I rub the back of my neck not really sure how to handle the praise.

“It sounds like you’ve been improving rather quickly and this dependency worry? I’d chop it up to more of a recency bias. It’s a fresh blooming relationship you’re in! There’s bound to be desires and issues with being apart. Oh such a burning passion young lovers hold…” he seem to drift away.

“Doc?”

“Oh, yes” he adjusts his glasses. “I wouldn’t worry much about that however, you might require some sort of coping method for when she cannot be there for you. Normally I would suggest a type of reliever, maybe a stress ball or a nice distraction technique but, in your advanced case it would seem we are not ready for that step yet. Therefore, I suggest we find a replacement to fall back on. Would princess Luna be willing to assist us in that manner? It did seem during our talks you two were rather close”

“I mean she’d defiantly help…”

More like take advantage to coddle me

“Splendid!”

“So that’s it? I should go just because Luna could help me during my panic attacks? The whole reason I might have them is because Pinkies not there!”

“I never suggested wether you should go or not Mr. Marshall. I was only answering your previous question. This is your decision after all” I lean back into my seat leaving him to speak. “Now is there anything else that happened recently you feel is important to mention?”

“There was the whole Pinkie incident”

“I did hear murmurs in Canterlot about that. Figured it was your marefriend. What I would do to peek into that mind of hers… truly a therapists dream”

“Do you want me to bring her along next time?”

“No no! This is your reserved time and I wouldn’t want any potential distraction from that. However-“ he reaches back onto his table to grab a card. “-you could give her my card and see if she would be interested in meeting with me on her own time”

“I think I’d prefer if she just came with me”

Pulling the card back he flips it back onto his desk, “If you’d rather do that then that’s fine. It’s your time”

“Maybe next time. Anyways, I freaked out when I saw all of those Pinkies. I thought she might be hurt or something and there was no easy way to tell them apart”

“This is related to that panic attack you spoke of earlier yes?”

“Yeah… she really worries me sometimes and I’m not sure how to handle it. I probably worry too much”

“That I would agree on” With a clunk he places his empty mug back next to the coffee maker behind him. “Has this always been a recurring issue for you? Worrying too much?”

“Before Equestria? No. When I think about it, it really started when I got this collar” I brush my hand over it to see if it’s still there.

“It is unfortunate you have to wear that. Did the princesses not have some other way to protect you?” His curiosity seems to peek through.

“Apparently it has to be a collar cause magic comes from the brain so it keeps it from pouring out of me”

“Oh silly me, I forgot about that. Not a unicorn” he points to his hornless head. “Makes it easy to forget certain things about magic”

“Totally understand. Never had magic back where I came from so..”

“Ah yes, it’s always strange to me that I’m speaking with an actual living alien. Given that you never speak about your past it always slips my mind”

“I don’t like talking about my life before”

“Maybe some of the problems you have now can be attributed to your previous life. Would you mind-“

“Yes, I would mind” I reply rather snappish.

Retracting himself back some he readjusts, “*Ahem* So back to the collar. Do you think wearing it is some sort of repressed trigger?”

“I don’t know, maybe. You’re the therapist here”

“Mr. Marshall there’s no need to get so defensive”

“I’m not being defensive” his claim stirs a frustration building inside of me. I didn’t like even thinking about Earth. This wasn’t the first time he asked about it either.

“Let me take a step back an apologize for protruding. Now how about we move on to a different subject shall we?”

Truthfully I was a little too fired up now and I didn’t like being in his office anymore. Felt crammed, unnerved.

“Actually could we call it today? I’m sorry for being an ass but, I don’t think I want to continue right now”

“Okay then I’ll have to move the next activity I wanted to do to our next meeting. I was hoping to get to it too”

“What is it?”

“We’d go over the responses you gave me on our first meeting on how you felt and I’d ask you the same questions again. It’s a nice exercise to see if anything’s changed with your perspective”

“Let’s just save it for next week. Sorry for having you come all this way for such a short timeframe. I just don’t have the energy today to do this”

“That’s fine” sitting up from his seat he walks me to the door. “If anything happens or you need to get a hold of me you know my address” I walk past him out the door, stopped by his voice. “Also! If you do take up princess Luna’s offer, do tell me so that I don’t relocate to Ponyville our next scheduled meeting. It is an awfully long train ride”

“Will do” I give a thumbs up without turning around.

“And Joey!” I spin around for a second. “Remember our techniques! First stop what we’re doing, then-“

“Take a few deep breaths, yes I know, I know” I wave him off and start walking toward Ponyville’s small park.

Thinking about what transpired I really did feel bad for making him come all this way for such a short session. A normal one would be around 30 minutes to an hour yet today’s wasn’t even 10. I’m sure he doesn’t mind that much either way. Still gets paid and it’s less time listening to me.

I needed a breather. Taking a moment to enjoy the gentle breeze and warm weather I sit at a nearby bench to take it all in. Inhale… exhale…

Equestria is always so colorful. It almost hurts my eyes to look around. Colorful is also a good word to describe the environment surrounding me as well. Vibrant flowers and flowing grass make things even more peaceful then just the silence. If I didn’t know any better I’d think I was trapped in a kids drawing. Placing my arm around the bench I didn’t realize the pony sitting beside me until I brushed their mane. It was Derpy.

“Hi Joey!” Her friendly smile and wild stare made her greeting all the more cute.

“Hey Derpy, aren’t you supposed to be delivering mail right now?”

Blushing, she scratches the back of her head, “Hehe, yeah I made an oopsie. They told me to take the rest of the week off. Guess they finally got sick of me huh?” Her expression sours.

“Hey hey hey, why are you beating yourself up? You’re a wonderful mailmare!”

She shrugs, “If breaking mailboxes is what makes a mailmare good, then I’m the best one ever…”

“You never broke mine”

“Yes, yes I did…” burying her face into her hooves she sulks back into the bench.

“Oh yeah… you did break it that one time didn’t you” she doesn’t bother to look up. Hesitantly I raise my hand above her head unsure if it would be okay to comfort her. Our relationship was somewhere between friends and acquaintances leaving me in this murky ground of ‘is physical contact cool’? I didn’t want to be a creep but, I did know ponies are more touchy then people.

I build the confidence not willing to see her suffering alone anymore and gently hug her with one arm. She tenses for a second but, relaxes into my touch soon after. Keeping my focus to the park around us I continue to hug her until she has calmed down. Her soft breathing and light pouts of frustration are the only noise to break our silence.

“Do you really think I’m a good mailmare?”

“Of course I do! I wouldn’t want anypony else”

“… thank you. Even if you don’t mean it I needed to hear that today” she wipes a few tears brimming in her eyes.

Oh she’s going to break my heart!

“Derpy I really mean it. You’re one of the first ponies to come around to me when everypony hated me. I mean there’s still ponies who dislike me but, you treated me like a pers-, a pony from the beginning. You don’t know how much that helped me”

Lifting her face up her eyes are still a little shiny from fresh tears brewing, “Joey…” her lips tremble.

She slams me with a hug holding on much tighter than I’d like. That plus the fact I don’t know her all that well makes the contact a little too much.

“Derpy could you maybe…”

“Oh!” She pulls away bashful of her actions. “Sorry hehe”

“Your fine…”

We sit there in silence while my mind drifts back to the previous question. Should I go with Luna? My therapist gave me a lot to think about, making it seem like most of my worry was made up however, I think he was just trying to calm me down.

“You okay?” The bubble mare beside me asks.

I wonder what that cutie mark is for

“Not really. Hey can I ask you a question?”

“Sure why not!”

“What’s something you love?”

“Hm… I really love muffins. Would that work?”

“Could you live without them for your entire life?”

“A life without muffins?! That sounds horrible!”

Chuckling I ruffle her mane causing her eyes to spin around her head, “What if there was a way to fix your eyes but, you have to go without muffins for like… 3 or 4 months. It wouldn’t be a guarantee though that your eyes get fixed”

“I don’t know. I don’t like getting bullied for my eyes but, at the same time there what make me special. I don’t know if it would be worth it to not eat muffins for that long though”

“I guess that was a bad comparison. What if you had to wear a collar instead. You had to wear a collar until you spent a few months away from home for a chance at not having to wear it”

She blushes, “Wearing a collar would be kind of embarrassing…” she notices my collar a few seconds later. “I mean for me at least!”

“Heh, no offense taken Derpy. Just wanted to hear your opinion”

“Well if I could avoid wearing a collar I think I’d take that chance. Do I get muffins still at the other place?”

“Once a month tops”

“Once a-?! I guess I would…” she looks back to the collar around my neck. “Does your question have something to do with your collar?”

I stand up and get ready to walk back home, “Sorry but, I can’t really tell you. Thank you though for answering my question… I’ll buy you some muffins next time we run into each other”

“Really?!”

“Course, why would I lie?”

“I don’t know Joey but, I’ll do my best to run into you as soon as possible!”

“Alright easy now, no need to get so excited. It’ll happen eventually so let nature take its course”

“Alllright but, I’ll be expecting some muffins”

“You have my word” I give a playful bow and make my way back home through the park.

Glancing to my side I notice a familiar sight. A small clearing hidden amongst some bushes. It’s even in sight of where the Nightmare Night…costume party…was. Letting my brain catch up, my heart nearly drops out my chest. A cold sweat breaks over me and I hurry away from the spot as soon as possible. That night starts to flash back through my mind. Every event leading to that moment. My trip back home goes by in a blur, I don’t even remember any of it. Hurrying to the bathroom I splash myself with cold water trying to catch my breath. Placing my hand to my chest I didn’t notice I was panicking so bad. I could feel my heartbeat up to my ears.

“Joey? Are you home?” I hear Pinkie groan from the bedroom.

“Uh… yes I’m in the bathroom” my voice cracks a little.

“Okay… I cleaned the sheets already if you want to come over here and cuddle me”

Wiping the water from my face I meet my own gaze admiring the scar running along my face. It’s been a long journey since then and I was stronger now. There’s no need to worry about a pony that’s already dead. With a few deep breathes I feel ready enough to approach Pinkie.

Entering the bedroom she remains sprawled out under the covers, her body face down, rump toward the air. “You look tired”

“Pinkie needs to recharge”

I crawl under the covers and place her head onto my chest, “Here’s a fresh Joey to charge you up”

Greedily she pulls herself into my neck and lower chin, brushing her face against me. As if she needed to struggle to get the warmth out of me she continued to squeeze tighter.

Her scent wasn’t the normal cotton candy, a pleasant soapy smell instead. Must’ve showered. It would also explain her coat being so soft as well. Almost cloud like.

I kiss her forehead, “Was I too rough this morning?”

Giggling she boops my nose with her own, “Nothing a strong mare like myself couldn’t handle!”

“Then why are you laying on your stomach?”

“Cause sometimes you have to let your tummy sleep too!”

“So if I slept on my side what would get to sleep?”

“Your hip silly! Or maybe your leg… depends I guess” she seems to really give it thought.

“Whatever helps you keep your pride”

“I’m telling the truth!”

“Uh huh”

“Grrrr I’ll bite!”

“You will do no such thing”

“Wow, you sound like princess Luna”

“And you sound like a mare in denial. Admit it, I’m too much to handle”

“Pfft, ha! Good one Joey” she closes her eyes resting back onto my chest. “I’ll be sure to be careful”

“Heh, you really won’t let me have this will you?”

“This? This… dance?” Yawning she starts to drift off leaving me stuck under her sleeping form. Guess I’m here now for the foreseeable future.

*poof*

A letter falls from the ceiling above laced in green smoke. Spikes trademark green magic is a clear indication of the origin so I don’t even bother to read the outside before ripping into it. Peeling away the pointless stamp, I go over the contents inside with the one free hand I have.

‘You and Pinkie need to come to the library as soon as you can’
-Twilight

Huh, that’s rather uninformative. I wonder if she’s in trouble or something

Glancing to the exhausted Pinkie atop me, I brush the mane covering her face to the side to better admire her beauty. A small smile was drawn across her muzzle. Her gentle expression soothing my anxieties away. She was perfect, deserving the best I could provide and nothing less. I couldn’t wake her. If what Twilight needed us for was important then she’d send another letter.

*poof*

“Fuck”

Groggily rubbing her eyes Pinkie remained piggybacked over my shoulders, half asleep.

“Do I *yawn* really have to be there?”

“I don’t know, Twilight said so. If I had the option to let you sleep I would but, Twilight doesn’t usually mess around. Honestly she’s more likely to be overcautious… which means maybe you aren’t needed”

“Eh… already… halfway” she falls asleep again.

“Adorable”

Passing by several houses, ponies stare on slightly confused, some giggling. To see such a strange sight sure would be entertaining. Piggyback rides weren’t a common occurrence. Hell, the only other time I gave one was with Rarity’s younger sister. At least the only other time I could remember.

Once Twi’s home came into view the small group gathered outside made it clear Pinkie was indeed needed. Everyone of the girls were there including Spike. Dash for whatever reason seemed the most excited, spinning in circles with a square shaped object in her hoof. Approaching she breaks into a big smile.

“Hey Pinkie! You remember what today is?”

She mumbles over my shoulder, “Hmmm it’s… holy cowpoopola! It’s the day you get your Wonderbolt letter!” She shoots off me full of sudden energy.

“So much for needed a recharge…”

“Yep! It sure is and guess what this is?” She holds the square shaped object revealing its a letter.

“It’s your super duper special congratulatory letter from the Wonderbolts saying your welcomed into the Wonderbolts as a WONDERBOLT!”

“Ha! Not exactly” she starts ripping into it as she speaks. “It’s more like an acceptance into… tryouts” a frown fills her face. “I didn’t get in”

The girls sulk around me while I tilt my head in confusion. Isn’t she like the fastest flyer in Equestria or some shit? The Rainbow Dash?

“Let me see that I don’t believe you” I motion for her to give it.

“Just kidding! Wow you guys are so gullible”

“I never- “

Pinkie takes this moment to tackle Dash with enough force to send them both spiraling down the road before pulling her into a hug. Dash takes it like a champ and laughs it off… until Pinkie keeps snuggling.

“O-okay Pinkie, I think that’s enough… Pinkie. I really need to get going”

“Okay! I’m done!”

With a leap she bolts off into the air stopping to give us a wave goodbye. “Remember to enjoy the moment!” Twilight shouts.

“AND DON’T FORGET TO WRITE!” I have to cover my ears at Pinkie’s random loudspeaker.

“Jesus Pinkie!”

“What? What if she forgot?” The girls laugh it off while I hold a grumpy face. I never liked loud noises, specially not right next to my ears.

“Since we’re all here. Who wants to do something together?”

“Sorry Twi, I gotta get back to the farm. We got a whole heap of deliveries that just sprouted up the other day. Not sure why but, I don’t like workin from behind so, see ya soon”

“See ya Aj. Do the rest of you-“ she turns to see me picking up a limp Pinkie off the ground.

“She really didn’t have the energy for this. I’m kind of amazed she lasted as long as she did”

“Ooookay, Rarity? Fluttershy?”

That’s our cue to leave. I carry my beloved pony all the way back home only this time holding her like a baby. If she wasn’t out before, now she might as well be dead. I could even play with her face without her waking.

“Blah blah blah, I’m Piiinkie Pie. Cutest mare in Pontville, champion squirrel wrestler” I made last part up, playing with her lips to make her pretend speak.

Messing with her in such a vulnerable state was rather fun yet I had a job to do. Entering our room, I tuck her back under the covers and leave to let her rest.

Maybe I should head back to Twilights and see what they are up to

And so my plan was set. I head back unscathed, the only obstacle being the awkward wave hello to the same ponies I’ve passed for the third time today. Beside that, it’s fascinating to me to how I could be gone for so little a time and miss so much. Waking into the living quarters the sight unfolding in front of me is beyond strange. Twilight, Flutters, and Rarity all huddled around a small dragon wearing a dress with makeup on. A male dragon. It was Spike.

“Yoo what the fuck did I miss?”

Covering himself best he can, Spike turns away running towards Twilights room. “AAHHHHH”

His terrified screech pulls a chuckle from me, “Allllright, nice to know you all just ruined his life”

“Joey! What are you doing here?” Twi seems fired up strangely enough. “I thought you and Pinkie went home?”

“I dropped her off and I wasn’t that tired so I thought I’d come back”

“You ruined our dress up day!”

“Twilight dear please calm down, we never did tell him about this before”

“About what? You three have done this before?!”

“Actually I’ve never really done this before…” Flutters shrinks down at the attention until she too rushes off to Twilights bedroom.

“… what the fuck is going on”

Rarity takes initiative stepping forward with a bowl of gemstones, “You see, Spike is a wonderful pony and is willing to help me with my filly sized clothing so long as I provide the payment” she hands me the bowl. “I could use Sweetie but, she makes such a fuss!”

“And I always help out!” Twi shouts from behind.

“Yeah but why? I’d assume Rarity can do this on her own”

“Yeah but, how often do I get to see Spike all dressed up like that. It’s adorable!”

“This feels wrong” I scratch my head legitimately confused.

“He did agree I’ll have you know. This isn’t something we’ve forced upon him and at the price of a few gemstones? Oh my cute little Spikey can be so ador- helpful!” She corrects herself under my disapproving gaze.

“This is weird… but, I guess I’ll drop it” standing by the door still I point backwards with a thumb. “If y’all want to continue I can just leave”

“No, there’s no point now” the purple mare throws a Spike sized yellow dress to the side.

“You can start again it’s not-“

“You already ruined it! Let’s just do something else and we can have dragon dress up day another day”

“You have a name for it? How many times have you done this?”

“Joey enough with the questions! Sit down!”

“Yes ma’am!”

And so I ruined dragon dress up day. Instead me and the girls (including now freshly cleaned up Spike) sat around and drank in honor of our friend Dash achieving her dreams. Most the girls enjoyed their disgusting wine while I drank some of AppleJacks spiked cider. I didn’t feel like drinking too much given the time of day and I did need to check on my little mare when I got back home. She’s probably unconscious right now.

“It really is cool that Dash is already living out her dream as a Wonderbolt. I can’t believe she did it so quickly”

“Spike she isn’t a Wonderbolt yet, she’s been accepted for their tryouts. She still has to prove she’s capable of being one of their reserves and then one day a member of the squad. She really has outdone us all when you think about it”

“I wouldn’t say that. Spike saved a whole city, that’s pretty tough to beat”

“I mean as for achieving our dreams. Dash’s biggest desire was to be a Wonderbolt and now it’s almost reality!”

“If you put it that way then yeah I guess you’re right” I swirl my drink some deep in thought. “Twilight, what’s your biggest dream?”

Smiling she places a hoof to her chest, “My dream is to be the greatest mage to ever live! Ever since I was a little filly, I always admired StarSwirl the bearded and wanted to be just like him. I know it’s not a reasonable goal but, I know if I set my sights high enough I can be happy with where I land”

“Shoot for the moon and if you miss, you’ll land with the stars”

“That’s lovely. Where did you hear that?” Flutters asks from beside me.

“Beats me. Sounds pretty cool though am I right?”

“Why I’m sure princess Luna would’ve admired that more than any of us. You should say that to her next time you two meet. You two do keep in touch right?”

“We try to. Mostly it’s in my dreams but, I think Luna doesn’t appreciate that as much…” my brain goes back to my discussion with Pleasant.

I should probably stay with Luna for those few months. It’s the least I could do after all she’s helped me with

Twilight bumps my arm, “You okay?”

“Huh? Oh… I’m alright”

“You sure?” I worm under her worried stare.

“I’m fine, really I am. Just thinking about this decision I gotta make”

“Decision? Oh, I know what you’re talking about. Have you made up your mind yet or still thinking about it?”

“Made up his mind about what?” Rarity asks putting down her drink.

Spike joins in as well questioning my behavior, “Yeah about what?”

The added attention makes me start to blush in discomfort, “I uh..”

A gentle tug on my arm stops me, “If you don’t want to tell us that’s okay. We’ll understand” Shy gives me a reassuring smile.

It’s enough to calm me back down, “Thank you Shy… but, I should tell you all anyway” chugging the cider til it’s last drop I slam it down with authority. “I’m staying with the princesses for the next few months”

Aghast, Rarity struggles to put together any words. Twilight is caught off guard as well for a moment blinking silently to herself. Fluttershy meanwhile passed out and was being held by a confused Spike.

“W-what?! Why are you doing that? Is Pinkie coming with you?” He asked occasionally peeking to see if Shy’s okay.

“No, we figured she can’t be far away from the elements so we will have to settle for seeing each other a few times during my stay”

“A few- how long are you staying there?”

“Maybe three or four months. Depends on whether or not Luna finds a better way to keep me safe”

“Is Pinkie okay with this?”

Twilight buts in, “Spike Pinkies one of the elements of harmony. She knows her importance to Equestria comes first even if that’s not what she wants”

“There’s no way Twilight! Pinkies way too crazy to go through with this!”

“I don’t think you’re giving her enough credit Spike”

“And she’s not crazy” I remark from behind.

“I don’t… this is all so sudden!”

“Yes, yes it is dearie but, I think I’m beginning to understand. Princess Luna must have felt Joeys life has been in danger much too often under our supervision and has determined he needs a way to protect himself if we can’t be there” Twilight solemnly nods alongside her.

“That pretty much sums it up and don’t worry Spike. Pinkie and I both hate the idea but, it’s for the best. She wants me to be safe and I don’t want her to worry so we both decided this is the best option. At least she did already, I just decided like 2 minutes ago”

Fanning the awakening Fluttershy, Spike angrily frowns at me, “Then shouldn’t you be with Pinkie right now? You two should be spending as much time together as possible!”

“Shit… you’re right! I gotta go girls, sorry Fluttershy!” I rush out the door and start my run home leaving the others to collect their thoughts.

“W-wha… what happened?” Fluttershy stirs.

“I’ll tell you in a bit when your feeling better”

Reaching the top of the hill just before my house I’m shocked at the sight in front of my house. A drowsy Pinkie waiting by the mailbox.

“Pinkie!” I shout startling her awake. “What are you doing? Why are you not sleeping?”

“I can’t leave the mailbox Joey! What if Dash writes me a letter and I take too long to respond to it? What if because I take too long she forgets about us all together! Let’s face it, she’s probably already forgot about us…”

“Pinkie you’re panicking for no reason. There’s no way Dash forgot about us and there’s no way she would’ve already wrote us a letter. She just left today! Not even like 3 or 4 hours ago!”

“Either way I can’t miss out when she sends me a letter!”

“Yes you can young mare” I scoop her up into my arms against her will causing a little scuffle.

“Wait! No! What if she forgets to send a letter! I should send her one now before that happens!” She struggles over my shoulder to escape while I take us both into the house.

Shutting and locking the door I take Pinkie back to the bedroom and tuck her back into bed. Giving her best pouty face she crosses her hooves upset.

“You can’t keep me here forever! Soon as you fall asleep there’s no stopping me from going back to that mailbox”

“Uh huh” I stroke her soft mane til she begins to collapse from her exhaustion.

Fighting the urge to sleep she keeps blinking rapidly and shaking her head every few minutes but, my continued love fueled assault drains whatever energy she has left. With a slow lean she falls against me fast asleep. I’m not exactly tired myself but, I know she’ll sleep better if I stay with her so I wrap her up and close my eyes for a nap.

By the time I’ve realized I’d fallen asleep I turn my attention to my side to see Pinkie still cuddling close. Her cute resting expression is enough to make my heart leap. I can only thank god she wasn’t outside again.

The gentle rise and fall of her chest matching my own in rhythmic harmony partnered with the quiet stillness outside makes it easy to relax again. Only the buzzing, howls, and hoots of the night animals disrupt our peace. It’s even a little chilly in my house, enough to make me slip under the covers. Stripping down I snuggle up to Pinkie to share our warmth together. Her sleeping face contorts into a little smile. It doesn’t last long though. Twisting and turning she starts to mutter in her sleep.

“Dashie…. Dash”

I hug her into my chest running my hand down her back, “Shhhh”

She stops her struggle and starts to stir, “Hmm? Where’s Dash?” She can’t even open her eyes beyond a squint.

“She’s having fun at tryouts”

“Did she send a letter yet?”

“Nope. She’s probably busy fitting in right now. I’m sure she’ll send something soon”

“Could you watch for the mailmare for me?”

“Of course I can”

“Mkay” she closes her eyes and settles back down into the bed against me. Her grip around my side tight. Smacking her lips she snuggles her face deep into my chest.

“Pinkie?”

“Hm?”

“I love you”

“Love you more”

“Hehe, yea okay”

“Nope, not okay. It’s true”

“Sure”

“I’ll prove it”

“How are you gonna do that?”

She runs a hoof down my stomach toward my waist stopping just before anything intimate. I stop her with a hug.

“Hold on there partner, you still need to recover from last time. Plus I actually wanted to tell you something”

“That’s cute but it can wait til after we’re done-“

*bonk* I give a light karate chop top her skull.

“Easy perv queen, this is serious” Rubbing her head she stares on listening, “I decided I’ll stay with Luna for a little while until she figures something out. However, I don’t want to stay there for too long so let’s come to an agreement on how long I should stay”

“Oh… o-okay. Um… what about 3 months?”

“I was kinda hoping you’d say something like a month”

“I’d prefer you never left at all but, I know it’s for your safety and that’s enough for me. We can’t only give princess Luna a month as well. I’m not an expert of magic but, I think she’ll need longer then that”

“I’ll except 3 months, that’s fine” Staring into her worried eyes it becomes more evident how poorly Pinkies going to handle this. “Pinkie are you sure you’ll be fine with this? I mean Dash hasn’t even been gone a full day yet and you’ve been acting ridiculous”

Shame comes over her once she realizes her fault. How could she expect me not to worry after what happened today? The last thing she needed was to make me panic at the thought of leaving her.

“I’m sorry. I… I’ll be better. I promise I’ll be better when you leave”

“I know you can pretend to be okay Pinkie but, should I ask somepony to stay with you while I’m gone? I’m sure it’s been a while since you’ve lived alone”

“Actually… I’ve never lived alone before” she twiddles her hooves nervously. “I don’t know how I’d handle it to be honest hehe”

I place my hand around her cheek and guide her face into mine with a kiss, “You can handle anything Pinkie, I know how strong you are”

“I’m not really that strong…”

“You are. Who’s the pony that runs around worrying about everypony when nopony else does? Who never frowns around her friends, specially when they need a smile? And who left home on their own to find their own place in the world? You did Pinkie. You did all those difficult things and you still do them today. You’re wonderful Pinkie. You’re smart, funny, charismatic, beautiful, helpful, empathetic. Every day I wake up, I can’t help but wonder what I did to deserve you. You’re the best person I’ve ever met”

By the end of my little rant she can’t suppress a smile, hugging me close with a tear running down her face.

“I’m not that great” her voice cracks with each word.

“I know, you’re even better”

Embarrassed, she has to hide her crying face into my stomach. “I-I…”

The floodgates burst and she becomes a bawling mess, squeezing tight in my embrace for comfort. I massage her back left with nothing much I can do to relieve her stress. She needed to cry this one out. Left with my own thoughts my mind drifted back to before Equestria. Back when I was with my ex. Several nights ending just like this, her crying in my arms. There was nothing I could do but, feel responsible all the while. At least this time I knew Pinkie would be okay after her cry. The memories build a wave of depression over me, a time I never wished to remember, to go back to. Time had run it’s course and my experiences built the man I was today. I didn’t need to reflect on painful memories to know this.

After a few minutes Pinkies heavy sobs turned to sniffles, still holding tightly to my body, as tight she did when she started. I move her mane from her face and place my forehead against hers.

“Do you want me to ask Rainbow to stay with you when she gets back?” Shrugging shes still worked up unwilling to really give me an answer. “That’s okay, it’s not like I’m leaving tomorrow”

“… I-I’m sorry” she croaks.

“No, there’s nothing to be sorry about love” we snuggle some more and I leave her head to rest near my neck.

I hold her with one arm and with my head nuzzled into her mane. It’s a lot of hair and sorta tough to breathe but, her soapy cotton candy smell makes things easy enough.

Again however, I wasn’t really tired and wasting a whole day like this felt discouraging. I wouldn’t leave her side no matter what though, even if I felt like I was indulging myself in a nonproductive manner. It was an annoying tick of mine yet, it did help me get up out of bed even in my worst of depressions.

Settling for the nonproductive plan, I close my eyes again enjoying Pinkies warm company. Oh how I’ve changed from when I arrived here. I can remember when I freaked out if a pony did so little as touch me.

“I kinda like all this cuddling”

“Good, stay that way”

“I think I will”

“*sniff* good”

Ruffling her messy mane I give a loud smooch on the head, “I remember when I was a little boy I used to always ask my dad for a pony”

“Really? Wait there was ponies back on Earth?”

I chuckle, “I didn’t really ask him that but, yes there was. They weren’t sentient though. Like smaller horses”

“Woah, easy there with the language!”

“What? Horse?”

“Hey! What did I just say?! You can’t go around saying that out loud” a smile starts to grow across her face.

“Surely you ponies have met horses before no?”

“Oh my! I mean I can’t say I haven’t met a ‘horse’ before but, I wouldn’t go around saying that”

Grinning I hold myself from bursting for as long as I can until we both break into a fit of laughter. “I think somepony already told me that words bad before truthfully”

“Yeah it was probably me!”

“Eh, probably”

The next few days went uneventful as we mainly went about our daily lives. One thing did stuck out however. A distinct lack of letters from Rainbow. Enough that Pinkie started to worry again taking us to where we are now huddled around a disturbed pink mare checking the same mailbox over and over again.

Applejack is the first to step up, “Uh hey there sugar cube. Um… don’t ya think that Dash might be too busy to write us letters? I’m sure she’s fine an all-“

“What if she’s not! There’s only one explanation for her not writing to us already. She’s already forgotten our names!” her body sinks to a depressed flat form on the ground.

“There’s actual several but, that doesn’t really matter to you huh?” I walk over lifting her chin off the ground. The rest of the girls approach as well behind me.

“You know Pinkie you could always write Dash a letter”

“I already did Twilight, several of them but, then I realized she might not recognize who sent it so I stuffed them all away” her strange logic leaves the rest of us scratching our heads until she pops up in excitement. “OH I HAVE AN IDEA! What if we all go and cheer on Dash during her tryouts! I’m sure she’ll love the surprise… assuming she remembers us still”

“That’s a great idea Pinkie! What do you say girls? A little trip to the Wonderbolt training grounds? We could even scrounge up a little care package for her”

“Sounds splendid”

“Good fer me”

“Sounds fun”

“I’ll come too!”

“I guess but, where exactly are the Wonderbolt training grounds?”

“Oh, they’re up on a cloud platform halfway between here and Cloudsdale” nonchalant in her delivery.

“On a cloud? Like in the air? How are we supposed to get up there? It’s not like a can grow a pair of wings”

“Oooo ooo we can use a hot air balloon! I’ve always wanted an excuse to ride in one!”

Twilight lifts her snout all pompous, “Just so happens a certain pony among us has authority to use princess Celestia’s private hot air balloon”

“First off, can’t anyone use it? It’s a hot air balloon it’s not like it needs keys to start and secondly there’s 7 of us. There’s no way we could all fit”

Fast forward us to the front of a large hot air balloon, the girls and Spike all hop in eager to take off. It’s purple, like Twilights coat and looks rather stiff compared to anything I’ve seen before from Earth. It kinda looks like a cartoon.

“There’s no way I’m getting on that thing”

“Is it because you’re afraid of heights?”

“No it’s because it looks tacky. Yes it’s because I’m afraid of heights! Plus look at what’s going on. Doesn’t this scream disaster waiting ahead? I’m no Nostradamus but, every time we’ve done anything risky as a group something goes wrong”

“Risky? There’s never been a recorded hot air balloon death in Equestrian history! Plus if something goes wrong I’m sure Fluttershy can catch you while Rarity and myself use our magic to stop the rest of us from falling”

I turn to Flutters, “Can you lift me? Try right now”

Slightly embarrassed at being put on the spot, she floats her way over to me and scoops her hooves beneath both my arms. With a strain and a pull she barely lifts me a foot before having to drop me, completely gassed.

“See? She can lift you”

“What?!? For like a second!”

“Um to be honest I don’t think I could stop him if he was um…. falling”

“Flutters know her own body more than anypony and she says she can’t”

“Joey would you stop being such a baby and get on the hot air balloon!” Pinkies shout catches us all off guard.

I shuffle in fear of her wrath onto the ballon and sit down on the floor. I couldn’t possibly handle looking over the edge. Speaking of fear, the balloon started to take flight lifting slowly into the air. I close my eyes and start my breathing rituals before I even start getting panicky. Taking notice Pinkie sits beside me and holds my hand.

“Don’t worry, we’ll be fine”

“Just tell me when it’s over”

“Don’t you want to see what it looks like above the clouds?”

“I’ve ridden in a plane before thank you very much. I know what it looks like”

“Maybe back on Earth but here? Cmon I’ll tell you when to look”

“Yeah just let me think about it after I swallow down this urge to puke”

Giggling she stays with me throughout the ascent. Eventually we reach a peak, the feeling of gravity lessons on my body letting me know we’ve stopped. The airs cold and thin, a strange feeling to experience for a first time. To describe it best, imagine each inhale feels like there’s not much air in… well the air. You have to breath harder just to get enough. My lungs even burn a little from the effort.

“Wow! Joey you have to look! It’s amazing!”

“It is quite the sight, you should at least admire the view”

“I reckon you’ll never get another opportunity like this in some time partner”

“Enough with the peer pressure I’ll look!”

Lifting myself slowly off the ground I peek with my hands along the basket side over the edge at the vast distance before me. Clouds as far as the eye could see and then, the sun beaming brightly against us. It’s much hotter against my skin this high up. Looking even higher up I can see there’s still some clouds above us and looking below, oh Jesus why did I look down!

“Oh fuck that’s enough!”

“I’m so proud of you! You conquered your fear and looked!”

“I didn’t conquer shit! That was terrifying! Oh my fucking lord we gotta land this thing”

“Calm down, we’re almost there” Twilight almost sounds annoyed by my behavior. It’s not like I’m Fluttershy passing out all the time!

Sitting down I refuse to look again the rest of the trip until we reach our intended destination.

“Here it is!” Twilight shouts. The rest of the girls lean over the one side in excitement.

Strangely enough the ballon doesn’t tip any from the shift in weight. Must be magic. Everything is because of magic. The great minds of humankind would hate it here, every mystery chalked up as another factor of magic. What a lack of surprise.

“ITS A TWISTER!” Aj yells confirming my previous hypothesis. It’s not even surprising at this point.

Something always goes wrong…

Praying to god for forgiveness, the rest of the girls buckle down and hold on the edges of the basket. “Hold on girls!”

Caught directly in its path, we’re spun violently in the air until the straps holding the balloon together snap. We plummet fast and the screams of the girls around me quickly fade away as I descend much faster then anypony else. Taking this moment to at least enjoy my final seconds, I scan over the horizon below me and across the land. Colorful and vibrant, there isn’t a part of Equestria not touched with a skilled art brush of beauty. This was a view to die for. I close my eyes letting the wind pull against my face without resistance. I’d fully accepted death at this point, there wasn’t much I could do. Seconds continued to pass and I gulped in anticipation. What came after death? Was there really a heaven? Was this really the time to start doubting my faith? I can’t die!

“AHHHHHHH”

As sudden as my belief in the afterlife came into question, I’m yanked back against gravity until I can feel the wind die down around me. With a peek I see two blue hooves holding me up by my arms.

“Holy shit dude, you’re like super heavy!”

Dash had saved me, and not a moment too soon. I had to have been around 100 feet up from the ground below. Too shocked to respond I wait for her to place me down, my legs fall beneath me. My heart thumps away, adrenaline at an all time high. Another near death experience only this time I was sure it was over. Finally my mind collects itself enough to remember the others with me.

“Where’s everypony else?! Where’s Pinkie?!”

“Hey calm down dude, look up”

Way above still hundreds of feet in the sky, several specks made their way down toward us. Growing in size I couldn’t make out much but, Dash’s answer could only mean it’s the rest of the girls.

“Who caught all of them if you’re here?”

“Just some cool new friends I’ve made” she still completely calm over the scenario. Guess that comes with the fact she’s the one flying and not falling.

“Dash, you saved my fucking life”

“Eh, it was nothing”

“Nothing?! I would be flat as a pancake if you didn’t catch me!”

“Yeah but anypony would’ve saved their friend if they saw them falling like that. The only impressive thing I did was lift your heavy ass”

She’s so chill about the whole thing and I can’t figure out why. Whether it’s because I’ve almost died several times before or because she’s a natural born hero, it’s kinda pisses me off.

“I’m being serious, I don’t know how to thank you. Literally, I have no idea”

“Well you can thank me by telling everypony you meet from now on that Rainbow Dash is the best flyer in Equestria. How about that?”

“There’s gotta be something else I could do”

Blushing lightly she rubs her other foreleg embarrassed, “Really it wasn’t that big a deal, why are you making it such a one”

“Cause I don’t want to die!”

I don’t want to die…

A small step but a meaningful one. I didn’t want to die. I was okay with the constant struggle life brings. A change from the normally dark perspective, where I wouldn’t actively seek death yet welcome it if it should take me. Now it was something I wished to avoid all together. A complete change of pace.

“Hello? Equestria to Joey?” A blue hoof waved in front my face.

“Sorry, kinda blacked out there for a bit”

“Are you okay? You did fall a really long way really fast. Maybe you hoomans aren’t good with the change in elevation?”

“Since when did you become a expert in elevations?”

“Since I was born a Pegasus!”

“Fair point”

The rest of the girls get dropped off alongside us still seemingly in a state of shock. Pinkie goes to run over to me but, her overwhelmed body disagrees making her fall straight onto her face, skidding for a few feet.

A collective ‘ooo’ is hear around and Pinkie raises a hoof to say she’s good. I turn back to Dash.

“I owe you, I really do”

“It’s fi-“

“No! I have to pay you back or I’ll never forgive myself”

“Ugh, so stubborn! Fine, just make it a surprise at least. I like surprises”

Smiling I shake her hoof, “Deal”

The group collects ourselves and Dash even has a little spat with the supposed captain of the Wonderbolts but, in the end it appears she’s got the position still. The little fiery mare said something about Rainbow showing the true character of what a Wonderbolt should be and that we all could learn a thing or two. I don’t know more than that, I’ll leave this friendship report to Dash.

Making our way back home I stay oddly silent, no annoying quips or stupid jokes. I can’t help but, remember what I said earlier. I didn’t want to die. It even brought a smile to my face.

“What’s got you all happy? Normally you’d be all grumpy about another one of Twilights plans going haywire by now”

“Pinkie this was your idea”

“Was it? Maybe you’re getting me mixed up with another pink pony. Aloe? Are you thinking of the spa mare?”

“I don’t know who that is but, I think I realized something today. Something important”

“What’s that?”

Twilight was still nearby, dangerous territory to start speaking about self growth and experiences.

“I’ll tell you later, I don’t feel like writing a whole friendship report on it”

“Okie dokie but, I’ll hold you to it!”

We don’t talk again for sometime, almost all the way back to Ponyville before I break the silence. “Hey, since I’m going to be gone for a while… maybe we should finally go and see a movie together and then maybe tomorrow we go out to eat? Or maybe some other fun thing you come up with?”

“Just cause you’re leaving soon doesn’t mean we need to rush around to have fun. I have fun with you no matter what we do! And it’s not like I’m never going to see you again”

“Yeah but… I still feel like we should at least enjoy the time before I go”

“And we will enjoy it” her smile grows real wide letting me know something cheesy is coming, “Cause we have each other” She leans into me as we walk, resting her head against my hip.

“So cheesy”

“You love my cheese!”

Shutting my mouth I don’t bother to argue. She’s right, no matter what we do there’ll be fun to be had… and I do love her cheese.

23 Royal Arrival

View Online

As the landscape passes by leaving me further and further away, my heart yearns for an alternative. I didn’t want to go. Only now that I’ve made my decision and take the trip do I truly realize how difficult this will be. Homesickness before even arriving. With a sigh I slump back into my seat.

“Feel like I’m going to puke” a pink appendage rubs away at my arm.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? We can stop now if you want” she sounds desperate, almost pleading me to be selfish.

“We both know this is for the best Pinkie”

“Is it? If you’re all sick the whole time then you should just stay home! I don’t want you to be hurting”

“It’s just nerves. I’ll be fine after a week I’m sure”

“And if you aren’t? What if things get worse? What if you get so sick you turn green? What if you stay green!?”

“I’m not going to change into the Incredible Hulk Pinkie”

“I don’t know what that is”

“Huh? Really? After everything I’ve ever said, that’s the thing you don’t know about?”

“What do you expect? It’s not like I’m a hooman” she shrugs.

“Yeah but, you like… know shit all the time that you shouldn’t know. It’s fucking weird”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Joey. I’m a perfectly normal mare” she can’t even keep a straight face without giggling.

It cheers me up a little bit, only for the moment. Soon my nausea returns along with a frown. She notices and pats her lap requesting I rest my head. I comply, laying down on the furry pillow. Sadly the train seats small size requires me to tuck my own legs in to avoid pressing then into the wall. She lightly scratches my head with the edge of her hoof. Against expectations, It’s oddly delightful. So delightful in fact that I close my eyes to enjoy. Pinkies hums begin to fill the room, vibrating my very core. Her voice so soft and delicate when she needs it to be. Only if it was enough to dull the pain eating away at me.

We stay like this for most of the ride until the trains horn makes it clear we’re approaching our stop. Lifting myself from her lap the lack of warmth against me makes my heart ache immediately as if she already left my side. Eyes focused on mine I can tell she’s fighting to keep it together. Always trying to be so strong for me. Taking a her hoof into my hand I use my other to hold her cheek.

“It’s okay, I’ll be back before you know it”

A single tear breaks free letting her true emotions show. She stutters, “I- I…” until it becomes too much, settling for a nod. I brush away her tear with my thumb and meet her lips with a kiss.

It’s light and quick yet the passion could be felt all the same. “Promise me you’ll stay safe while I’m gone”

“C-cross my heart, h-hope to f-fly…” pulling her into a hug I silence her little routine.

“Shhh, you don’t have to do all that”

Pushing me away she finishes the rest of it and looks away with pouting eyes, “I absolutely positively have to do it…”

With a sad smile I boop her nose gently, “Stay perfect, just the way you are Pinkie”

Wiping her eyes she gives me a light punch on the arm, “And you don’t get into any trouble without me. You know I hate missing out on any fun”

“I’m sure when you come and visit, me and you can mess around with some of the nobles and staff so long as Luna doesn’t get too mad”

“Or princess Celestia”

“Or sun mare”

She holds back some unsure if she should ask but grows the strength to anyway. “Are you and Celestia still mad at each other? If you are, what are you going to do when you have to live around her everyday?”

“I don’t know if I’d say mad is the word. I forgive her but, would you understand if I said being around her feels awkward? It doesn’t really matter though, I’ll be a night owl given that Luna sleeps during the day”

“Maybe you should try and make things not awkward?”

“Easy for you to say miss outgoing”

“Was that a compliment? It didn’t sound like one”

“Eh, I can’t really say anything bad about you”

“I could” she says while rolling her eyes.

“Pfft, what? Too cute? Too nice?”

“Too messy! Too loud! Annoying!”

“Who said you were any of those?”

“Nopony exactly… I can just tell when ponies feel that way. It’s not like I’m oblivious to that kinda stuff ya know. I just choose to ignore it”

“I think-“

The train comes to screeching haunt interrupting my sentence. A loud bellowing horn gives us riders the heads up. Out the window lay cobbled streets and tourist attractions, we’d made it to Canterlot all right. Pinkies hoof brings my attention back.

“Be safe”

We share a kiss and I give her a wink as I sit up grabbing my luggage. “I will”

Embracing for one last hug she walks me off the train onto the platform leaving us to our final moment together for a while. Through a pained expression she gives me a smile.

“I love you”

“Love you too Pink, love you too”

Left to watch her renter the train, she heads back to her seat pulling the window down to wave me goodbye.

“And don’t do anything stupid like you always do!”

“Hey! …. I’ll try”

With a loud poof of smoke from the front, her ride starts to take off once more leaving me to my lonesome. It’s painfully loud screeches begin to fade away as I continue to stand there watching. I probably looked like a lost child in the mall.

This was no time to sulk however, I needed to make my way to the palace. Grabbing my luggage I spin around and almost trip over the pony behind me.

“Woah, hey easy there!”

It’s a royal guard, decked out in full regalia. Actually make it two royal guards! Both standing directly in front of me with salutes held high.

“Ummm, what’s up?”

The left one steps forward, “We are your protection assigned by princess Celestia to accompany you to the castle”

“Why do I need protection? Is she just trying to butter me up or something?” My blatant lack of respect draws the slightest twitch from his brow yet he holds firm in his disposition.

“I’m just following orders sir”

“Really? She didn’t tell you anymore than that?”

“Didn’t say anything about watching over a diamond dog”

The one to my right whispers faintly. Unfortunately for him I overheard.

“Our orders were just that, to accompany you”

“Alright let’s get going then. Don’t want to keep her majesty waiting”

They guide me throughout the city, up the spiraling streets of Canterlots many paths. We make our way higher and higher up the mountain even passing the place of my abduction. What a cruel word this place could truly be. All hidden under a guise of friendship and rainbows, peace and tranquility. Celestia had made her country’s issues seem to disappear with messages of prosperity, shoving the real issues into the closet for another date. Perhaps I was being too critical given my bias but, to act like nothing is wrong and at the very same time have a trafficking ring family just outside your city is beyond ignorance. Or would the better term be hypocritical? I guess it depends on her knowledge of the subject beforehand.

Avoiding any more negatives thoughts I change focus to my surroundings. Without winter’s brutal cold and snowfall, the city streets become much more sophisticated in appearance. I couldn’t tell how nicely shaped the road was including little detailed carvings in some of the bricks. They really tried hard to impress, almost as much as the snobby nobles taking notice of my arrival. Unlike last time, a few of them were willing to give a friendly wave. It’s likely appreciation for that thing I did. You know, the whole busting a trafficking ring on accident. I return the gesture a few times until enough noses turn up at my appearance that I begin to ignore the attention.

My little golden boys in their clinking armor eventually stop in front the palace gate, taking a moment to exchange code words. Security seems to have really tightened up since the wedding as several more guards maintain the palace walls.

“Is the added security all just for me? Oh you shouldn’t have” Sadly they don’t oblige and keep their focus forward. They probably wouldn’t even know if I stopped following them.

Now inside I get to see the palace in its full glory, the entrance stationed so that the very sun beams brightly atop, as if the buildings peak was its mantle. It’s a nice touch, I’ll give them that. Stepping into the main hall there’s the large twin doors leading into the throne room just like I remember.

“Is mommy behind those doors? That’s the throne room right?”

“Would you please refrain from calling princess Celestia derogatory terms?”

“Oohhh, didn’t know I was talking to Mr. etiquette here. Actually, I can distinctly remember a certain stallion calling me a dog at the station” I tap my finger to my head in thought. “Hmm, who could’ve that been?”

He shifts under my words, clearly not expecting such a rebuttal. The other stallion shakes his head before, hitting the other one. “You dolt! What if he tells princess Celestia what you said? You’ll be discharged tomorrow!”

“Well don’t give him any ideas!”

“Boys boys, listen. We don’t have to get along but, do know this. If you try to fuck with me” I lean close to them both, almost at a whisper. “I will make sure you regret it”

Whether it’s my intimidating stature or the proximity of my scars, they both share a collective gulp. Collecting themselves they hastily lead me to the throne doors and open them accordingly. They creak from their own weight, creating a large draft as well. I can feel my hair brushed back by the force.

Giving the two stallions a bow, I walk down the long red carpet leading to Celestia’s throne where she sat, listening to a mare noble with disdain. It’s not until I’m close enough do I really hear what she’s saying.

“I believe it would mutually benefit us both if you would be willing to loan the money. Surely, we can at least agree on that?” Her tone makes it clear she thinks very highly of herself.

Without batting an eye, Celestia turns over to the mare beside her. “Would you mind getting this mares information for a later date? I am expecting company any time now and-“ she lights up at the sight of me.

It’s not the reaction I was expecting. “But, princess Celestia! I would need-“

“What you need is to come back with a more experienced and tested product then the one you have shown today. I simply could not in good faith loan you such a sum of my own ponies taxed bits for such high risk. It would not only be a mismanagement of kingdom funds but, a heinously risky investment. Surely we can at least agree on that?” She snickers while repeating the mares words back to her.

With a stomp and a pout the noble walks away from the throne to the side with Celestia’s advisor. Stepping forward I fill her spot with a smile.

“You know those doors are ridiculously unnecessary. I can’t imagine how much it costs to maintain them”

She dismisses me with a hoof, “Tsk, a mere simple fix with a little bit of magic”

“Oh yeah…. anyways here I am!” I hold my arms out to show off the spectacle that is I before letting them smack against my sides.

“Yes here you are” returning my smile she gets off her throne and turns over to the nearby guard. “Please close off the throne room for a recess for the next half hour. I’d like to speak with my guest”

Saluting he follows her command along with all of the other ponies in attendance. It’s doesn’t take long til it’s just us. “So how was the trip here? Did my guards treat you fairly?”

“Eh, they’re okay. Little heavy on the whole loyalty thing”

“That would be a good thing no? Loyalty is not something you can just purchase”

“Nor can it be found willy nilly”

She releases a small giggle walking along my side with a motion to follow, “Come, I have much I need to fill you in about”

My ears perk up, “Hm? Do tell. What is it? State secrets? The password to your wine stash? You do know I don’t like wine”

“If I was mistaken I would assume I was speaking with the element of laughter. I’ve heard you could be rather rambunctious at times from my sister. She said she couldn’t determine whether it was from prolonged exposure to miss Pie or a loss of sanity. If it is the latter make sure to tell us please”

“It’s probably a little bit of both”

Following her lead she takes me down a few halls in the direction of what I can only guess is her or Lunas private quarters. I only guess this given the change of scenery the farther we go. Golden trimmed curtains, large luxurious paintings. Things that don’t exactly scream open to the public. Taking a look at one painting in specific, it’s an image of the two princesses standing hip to hip across from an opposing figure. One riddled with strange mutations throughout its body. A mess of animal parts ranging from a goats hoof to a lions paw. Such a sight makes me assume it’s a demon of some sort given my Earthly references.

“This would be the day Luna and I defeated Discord, saving Equestria from his chaotic rule. I never wish to remember the atrocities we experienced back then. However, this painting is rather relevant to what I wished to speak about”

I point toward the strange creature, “That’s Discord? I’ve heard the name before”

“Yes. The god of chaos. He is an individual I would tread careful around”

“I thought you said you defeated him? Why do you say that like he’s still alive?”

“Precisely the point for this conversation. You see, not only did my sister wish to protect you for the time being but, also I have planned another test for my student”

“And you two thought it would be best if I stayed at the caste during it?”

“Exactly” she smiles starting our walk again, “She and her friends will be given the task of reforming Discord”

“A literal god? Do you understand how crazy this sounds?”

“She has the elements of harmony at her side. There is nothing he could do at this time to defeat her however, convincing Discord to turn over a new leaf would be the real challenge. He would need to agree on limiting his use of chaos magic, the very thing that makes him, him”

“And what’s the benefit of this?”

“Why a new pawn to the chessboard” I’m taken aback by her response only for her to start laughing at my expense. “I only kid! Oh you should’ve seen your face”

“I don’t know what’s sadder, the fact I fell for that or the fact that I could’ve believed that”

“Oh you know I would mean nothing of the sort. Besides, such ideas such as conquests and war is more suitable for my sister. She always was the warrior”

“So why do it? What good could come out of redeeming this dude? Like I get the whole peace and friendship y’all love to tote around but, this seems a little too much even for you”

Rounding the corner we come up to a room with the sole purpose of holding a massive staircase. It’s nearly 10 to 15 feet wide going up into the top floor of the castle. Two guards dressed in heavy armor protect its entrance, their helmets reveal not even a glimpse to the ponies inside. They are both Pegasus, with armor sheeting covering the entirety of their wings as well. With one synchronized motion they both pull their halberds back opening the stairway to us with a bow. Returning the motion, Celestia starts up again with me in tow close behind.

“Those stallions looked intense”

“Mares. The most prestigious and well trained knights we have at our service. They are called valkyries”

“Huh, so to even be in consideration they have to be a mare and a Pegasus?”

“There is more. We would look for first hand experience in combat, a well documented resume, and leadership qualities proven by a list of provided peers. It is a relatively new class in response to the changeling invasion”

“Kinda badass”

She chuckles, “Very badass indeed”

“Hey! I like this Celestia more! You should act like that more often”

“We have an image to maintain Mr. Marshall” she stops and turns to me, “However if you were to meet with me during my off hours I’m sure you’d be surprised” she finishes with a wink.

Walking around the top floor of the castle, the first thing that becomes noticeable is the lack of windows. There are none, not a single one at any moment of our walk. Another noticeable feature would be the installation of actual working lights instead of candles. Apparently having a royal budget comes with its luxuries but, we already knew that. It’s just surprising to see those newly invented lightbulbs already available. Another strange thing is the lack of maids and guards making the halls seem almost empty. It’s a sense of quiet stillness that makes me unsettled. Kinda like the feeling you get in an empty hotel.

“So about Discord again. Why the risk?”

“Because everypony deserves a chance at redemption. I’ll have you know as well that he wasn’t always like this. At one point he was even friends with our family but, this was a long time ago…” she drifts off lost in thought.

I leave her to her thoughts and decide to enjoy the sights around me instead. This is likely where I will be staying for a while so best get used to the area now so I don’t get lost later. However, with each additional turn I start to realize it’s a pointless endeavor.

“There is something I should tell you before I give you off to Luna” her expression is somewhat worrying, almost nervous like. “Please do not get mad when I say this but, another reason for redeeming Discord would be for his help”

I tilt my head confused, “Help with what? Seems like Equestrias in pretty good shape to me beside a few bumps and bruises”

“We still have not came any closer to solving your issue and I do apologize for us both. Luna has worked tirelessly to find a solution and I have spoken with several other nations best healers as well. We are at a loss as of now and thought with the help of Discord we could potentially have a revelation or breakthrough” I don’t respond right away leaving her to stop and turn to me. “I am truly sorry for my continued failure. It is not often that I am unable to help one of my ponies”

I can tell her pain is genuine. She was genuinely hurt by this and was seeking forgiveness. “There’s no need to apologize. You’re saying you’re sorry because you can’t help me good enough. Trust me princess, your effort is enough. I recognize your pain and I want you to know I’m okay with whatever you think might work” I shrug my shoulders. “I mean you two have a better chance of solving this than I do so let’s go with the whole Discord plan… so long as you think it’s safe”

Relief fills the color back into her face, “Thank you for your understanding and yes, if Twilight is to be successful then I would believe it safe”

“Then we’re great!… and thank you for… doing all that extra stuff just for me. It’s not like I’m anypony important so to do the whole Discord thing just for-“

“Oh no no no” she laughs. “That is not the reason. It just so happens to be convenient timing is all”

“Wha- oh yeah of course, of course. I was just joking” I wasn’t.

I share a smile with her as we approach of a large set of black doors. Etched into the wood display an alicorn with her moon halberd. Her body curls elegantly around its staff as of made of liquid. Surrounding the outside of its frame are several flowers of dark purple, their edges tinged with black and at the base rest a golden plaque. A name engraved in a language I cannot read.

“This Luna’s office or something?”

“Office? No, we do not have private offices, either of us. If I was to speak technicalities, one could say our rooms are our offices but, it’s more practical as a bedroom then any other utility. It would be best explained once Luna shows you inside”

“Wait, you took me to her bedroom? How come there’s no guards watching the door or anything? And this wasn’t even where she was during the wedding either!”

“Oh, you must mean our guest room. She was sleeping in one of the rooms I use for foreign diplomats. Sometimes she claims it’s too exhausting to head back to her actual room. A real drama queen at times. As for guards, there are the some of my valkyries on this floor scattered around, they just avoid being seen. A testimony to their skill”

“Why so little protection though? I get you two are both super powerful and can probably protect yourselves but, what about when you have to sleep and stuff?”

“I’ll let you in on a little secret. This entire floor we are standing on is invisible to the outside. It’s an illusion placed upon the palace. If you were to go outside and peer at the highest floor you would see it is the floor beneath us”

“Damn, that’s pretty sneaky. Kinda sick too”

She looks confused at my words but goes on, “I don’t know about it being ill but, that is not the end to this floors secrecy. There is more I will refrain from telling you”

“Sick means it’s cool by the way and is it one of those things where if you tell me it means you have to kill me?”

“Ha! Absurd assumption! More like burden you with kingdom secrets. I do not wish to place that sort of responsibility on you, specially given your history”

“Listen I didn’t try to get kidnapped”

“And yet you did. I will apologize for that as well however, as that did occur within my city and was inexcusable. If there is any way I could make you feel safer during your stay here please do tell”

“Please with the apologies and I’m fine for right now”

“Are you sure? I could accommodate you with your own royal guards whenever you leave the palace grounds”

“Tempting but, no” I look back to Luna’s bedroom doors. “So should we just knock or…?”

“These doors are covered by a sound proof barrier so knocking normally will not work. There is a way though if you look closely enough”

With a golden glow, Celestia’s horn light up and pulls the very figurine of Luna on the door outward. With a few slams it becomes more clear to me it was a door knocker the entire time. It looks so strange when put to rest though, like it’s within the door rather than protruding. Glancing from the side it really is engraved.

“How did you- actually don’t answer that” magic.

“It doesn’t require magic Mr. Marshall, if you-“

“Please just call me Joey” she’s a little surprised. “If we’re going to do this whole fresh start thing then we have to at least address each other as friends would do so please, call me Joey”

“And you may call me any nickname you’d like. Actually I’d prefer you gave me one. The name LuLu that you gave Luna is adorable. It only makes me wish for one of my own” she stomps her hooves a little in excitement.

She still is a pony at heart

“You can’t force it on me right now. Give it some time and I’m sure I’ll come up with something”

“I mean it is just a nickname, surely you could-“

A creek from the doors beside us silence our conversation and with a slow emergence, Luna peeks her sleepy mug around the door. Her mane is ruffled and flat unlike it’s normal astral appearance. Eyes dark and tired.

“W-what… *yawn* why has thou knocked on my door sister? Hath thou forgot the time and who- Joey?!?” She looks between us both in confusion, rubbing her eyes to make sure they don’t deceive her. “We- I did not know he would be here tonight! Why have you failed to tell me?” A dagger like stare is shot Celestias way.

Deflected with a giggle she pushes me toward the door, “Surprise! Consider this an early birthday present!”

“Sister our birthday-“

“I’m sure you two have a lot of catching up to do and I’ve taken a little too much time from my day court. Toot-a-loo!”

With a final shove I’m pushed into Luna’s room nearly knocking her over in the process. I catch myself against her and pull back, only a few inches away from her face. We separate quickly and Luna rushes away toward a nearby mirror.

“We did not know you would be coming so soon!” With a comb she frantically fights away at her mane, “Oh we look dreadful! Please avert thine eyes from such a ungodly sight!”

Chuckling I walk over to her and pat her messy mane, “You look absolutely adorable like this”

“We are no better then a savage”

“Hehe, yeah okay miss royalty. Maybe lower your expectations when you’re alone with friends. It’s not like I’m going to judge”

“Judge? No you would never… but lust? How could one yearn for… this!” She points toward herself in the mirror in disappointment. “I can’t believe you’ve seen me like this”

She can be so open about this stuff, it’s disturbing

“Calm down LuLu, it’s not a big deal”

“Ugh, you would never understand”

Moving away from the mirror she slowly trots over to the large king sized mattress. With a flop and a sigh she makes herself comfortable.

She pleads with heavy eyes, “Come, entice me with those hands of yours. We demand a head scratch for invasion of my privacy!”

Sighing I place my luggage down and climb onto the large bed with her, placing her head on my lap as I rest against the bed frame. With a few strokes of her mane she’s quick to close her eyes. It gives me a chance to really see her normal self. There was no alters to her appearance, no front. She was at her most vulnerable and was too tired to really even notice.

“Sorry for waking you up, it wasn’t really my plan”

“Hm… I figured as much but, do not fret. We have been unable to sleep anyways”

“Huh? What do you mean? Aren’t you the queen of the dreamscape and stuff? I thought you just put yourself to sleep with a spell or something. How have you been able to do your job?”

“Too many questions! We desire two thing right now. Pampering and peace. Please… help us rest”

“Okay” I speak in a low voice. “But could you tell me exactly why you can’t sleep?” With an angry peek of her eye she relaxes back into me.

“We… were eager… no… that is not it. Nervous? Ugh, tis embarrassing to say the reason!”

I lean close and whisper into her ear, “Nervous about me?”

She recoils at the tickle in her ear. “DO NOT joke around like that Joey Marshall or we shall show thou the meaning of suffering”

“I don’t know, sounds like big bad LuLu was a little nervous about her crush coming over. Now look, he’s gone and surprised you, seen you at your worst! Oh, heavens! What a nightmare!”

“Yes a nightmare we would wish for. Anything that would conclude with us in slumber”

“Well I’m doing my best here-“

“Perhaps not talking would be better?”

“Yeesh, no need to be rude”

Spinning to face me she looks on with an apologetic frown, “We are sorry for our behavior but, please understand I am exhausted. Just.. give me this moment. Please”

I don’t reply, instead focusing my attention to putting the poor mare on my lap to sleep. Maybe twenty minutes go by before I believe she’s finally out but, when I stop my hands she stirs.

“We cannot sleep” a broken tone, desperate for relief. “Why must I suffer with such an ironic fate. The bringer of dreams, conquerer of the night unable to rest for even a second!”

“I’m sorry Lu, is there anything more I can do?”

“Mm… continue to keep us company”

I’m not exactly sure what to reply so I stay silent. Copying my approach the sprawled out princess remains quiet and still, her steady breaths are the only noise between us. That and the light sound of nails running through her mane. I be careful not to brush her horn and enjoy the view from where I sit. She’s much larger then most ponies the more I look at her. Her head alone takes up almost my entire lap unlike Pinkies and it weighs much heavier as well. It weighs enough to make my legs fall asleep but, it wasn’t like I was going to move now. I’d made a commitment to at the very least help her sleep.

“How long you been like this?”

“Maybe… maybe a week”

“And you think it’s because you’re nervous about something?”

“We know it’s because I’m nervous”

“… you can tell me”

Even with her eyes still closed I can see the blush run across her face, “I worry” she pauses unlike my hand still running circles into her head. “What if I fail to find anything? What if I waste your time here? Thou is already making a sacrifice by staying here and to say it was all for naught in the end? What would that make us? A selfish princess begging for attention by any means, clearly unfit for maintaining the royal throne. If it weren’t for you we wouldn’t have helped during the wedding either! Instead sleeping away and avoiding duties… sisters patience with me amazes”

“Lu you’re being way too hard on yourself”

“Are we? I am expected to be a representation of perfection yet, all I feel like we are is a glass doll to be maintained in public eye. Fragile when given the most minor of tasks”

“Luna you’re way more than that! You maintain the dreamscape and protect ponies at their weakest. You saved everypony during the wedding whether I helped you or not. You helped me during my worst nights… gave my somepony to talk to when I felt so alone” I take her hoof into my hand. “Luna you mean a lot to everypony… you mean a lot to me”

When she looks back to me I have to look away, the heat rising to my face. “Joey?”

Slowly I pan back to find her close, an inch from my face. Eyes matched I’m unsure what to do next, should I…

She answers for me and wraps her hooves around me in a hug, “We are grateful to have a friend as wonderful as you” When she pulls away she can tell I was expecting something else, “Oh, what is this? Did you imagine I’d kiss you?”

“Err fuckin… you’re always teasing me and shit and… like how am I not supposed to think that.. that you weren’t gonna?!?”

Giggling she attempts to hide her laugh, “It is rather entertaining to see thou so flustered. Our beauty must fully encapsulate you at times. We must apologize for such inconvenience”

“How about you focus on getting some sleep beautiful”

“But we find this much more enjoyable! If such a small action could create such emotion, we can only imagine the possibilities we could obtain”

“Like me leaving?”

“You joke!”

“Do I?” I pretend to get up causing her to press me down with a hoof.

“Please we shall stop. Twas all in good fun”

“Twas…”

“We apologize”

“You know this all would have been avoided if you just kissed me instead of toying around”

“Yes but the implications behind a kiss are deeper then just love for us. We would be making thou are own. Would you even wish this responsibility?”

“Responsibility? What are you a foal? What are you talkin-“

“Royalty cannot court members outside of nobility or rank without scrutiny! We would be ostracized from Canterlot’s higher society and you would suffer the targeting of being non-royal”

“So we just do it in private and to be honest I don’t think that’s how things work anymore Luna. Maybe before your banishment but, have you asked your sister if things are still the same?”

“No, we have not. Perhaps we should talk with her soon. I apologize for getting riled”

“No it’s fine, you might be right anyway”

Bashfully she looks away, “We would be willing to court you either way” she peeks to see my reaction.

With a smile I place my hand to her cheek, “I know you would, you’re smitten with me”

“WE ARE- I… grrrr” her growl breaks me into laughter and I fall back into her bed.

“Smitten!”

Taking the opportunity she leaps over me and attacks with several tickles. Even without hands I’m somehow stricken by a deadly assault at her wrath. I fight my best to push her off, failing miserably at her considerable strength. Her once angry expression slips to laughter and she stops my torture with a proud stance over me.

“Thou dared to insult our name with lustful accusations! Look at him now where he lay! We smote his ruin upon the bedside!”

I pretend to be defeated, nearly dead from my wounds, “I have failed… my people”

“Yes you have failed! And now, I claim my prize”

“Wha-?”

Softly she presses her lips into mine, resting her body onto me within the same motion. Her smell is wonderful and intoxicating causing me to relax into the touch. Then, I stop. This felt wrong. Not because it was Luna but, because of the circumstance. Here I had just left Pinkie and I was already sucking face with another pony? Felt like I was cheating, a getaway to my other newly found love.

“Joey? What is a matter? Was it too much? Did we rush things?” Without speaking, the worry on my face was enough to tell Luna something was wrong.

“Maybe…” I’m at a loss for words, hesitant to explain. I run a hand through my hair thinking of a way to explain.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to make you feel overwhelmed” her ears lay flat. “Would you prefer if we gave thou some space?”

I stop her with a hand, “Just… just give me a second to think. Nothings wrong I swear I just… need to think”

Nodding she rolls off me and rests at my side, her head still on my chest, eyes closed. Thankfully her stillness is enough to keep my mind from scattering about. I use the momentary peace to decompress.

Was this okay? In Equestria? Yes. On Earth? Depends. To me? Not right now but, why? I wasn’t on Earth anymore. Ponies generally have multiple lovers. Pinkie even gave me the okay, so why was I still bothered? Was it a small part of me welled up deep inside that desired the former normalcy I was accustomed to? Was it the pressure of dating a princess and the responsibility that came with? Was it the pressure I would be putting on Luna in courting me, or was it because… I was afraid of change? Maybe I didn’t want to admit to myself that even after all this time that I wasn’t going home. That if I did this I would be fully acknowledging the situation. A surrender of my chances to return home. I already knew this but, was I subconsciously still holding on? There was only one way to find out.

“Luna… I’m sorry for ruining the mood. Some parts of my past are still kinda holding me back from really accepting how things really are and… I think I need to just bury them”

“Bury your past? How?”

“Like this” Taking her into my hands I initiated our kiss again. This time without hesitation.

At first her eyes remain wide and awake but, as we continue she melts in my hands. Passionate and erotic, our bodies press against each other until we pause for an exasperated breath.

“Wow, we did not expect that!” A blush colors her face.

“I’ve been unfair to you and I’ve been letting my past dictate how I live but, I’m not on Earth anymore. I need to accept the way things are here and I’d be doing that by accepting your courtship. Luna, would you be willing to court me even if I’m an idiot?”

She giggles with happy tears brimming, “We would love to. Who else would be willing to take such a daunting task?”

“Well there’s Pinkie… and Twilight”

“Hmm, easy competition” she notices my stare, “We- I mean, what a lovely herd! I would be glad to be a part of this relationship!”

“Things must have been different before the whole moon thing than now huh?”

“No… herding was rather common then as well. We only expected to have our love to ourselves. Not selfishly of course! It’s just that most princesses or princes only take one lover at a time or at least one publicly”

“Luna I-“

“However, we can adjust” she smiles. “Whatever is necessary so that I can be with you”

“Luna…”

“Save your appreciation, we know we are wonderful” she tries to play it cool laying her head back down onto my chest yet her tail betrays her, swishing widely behind her.

“You’re so cute”

“We are not cute”

“I beg to differ”

Our light bantering goes on for some time until she eventually falls asleep, the good news perhaps enough reason to help her rest. It leaves me to my thoughts that ever so often drift toward my love, Pinkie. My heart still yearns for her presence and feels uneasy at the actions taking place as of now but, I ignore them best I can. This is normal now and selfishly it’s a win win for me so let’s shut up, stop worrying, and enjoy it. Before I know it, I’m fast asleep as well.

Warmth. It’s draped around me in a soft embrace and my body rests against the gentlest of cushions. I’d never been so comfortable in my life. With a peek through my heavy eyes I can see the large princess facing me still asleep. Her rested expression was much different from her hardened gaze of dictatorial leadership. It was even stranger then the flirty expression she always used when messing with me. She was completely at peace, trusting of my companionship. Oh how innocent she looked, much younger than her age would suggest. Thousands of years? No, this mare appeared to be only in her early twenties.

I swallow an urge to brush her mane, unwilling to disturb the much needed sleep she desired. Instead I go to leave her bed in order to avoid waking her only to be pulled back into a hug. She uses me like a teddy bear, squeezing the air out of my lungs.

“Luna!”

“Yes my love?” She eases her death grip.

“You’re awake?”

“Yes, we could not sleep through our raising of the moon now could we?”

With a glance to the balcony I can see the night sky glimmering in starlight. “What time is? How long did I sleep for?”

“Not as long as we would desire yet, we must get up. Night court calls for our aid and I would love for you to accompany us”

“You sure I wouldn’t be in the way?”

“Nonsense! Barely any souls ever drift into my courtroom anyway. Besides, we could use your advice in certain situations. We have no assistant as of now and would see no greater fit”

“Listen, I’m no politician. I have no idea how to run a country or-“

She interrupts me with a fit of laughter, “No you have it all wrong! We would make any final decision however, if we feel stumped or perhaps in need of a second opinion then we would ask of you of your thoughts. I would not ask of you anything we thought was too difficult to answer or too important to the country. Plus, it would make things less…”

“Boring?”

“Precisely!”

Well I have nothing better to do

“Sure why not”

“Wonderful! However…” she looks over my body. “You would need a change of attire” with a flash of her horn a sudden knock at the door startles me.

“You may enter!”

With a swing of the door a small mare dressed in maid attire walks over to us. Her simplistic gray coat and black mane fit her emotionless expression. With a bow she addresses the princess.

“What is it that you require your majesty?”

“Would you please find a formal wear for my friend here? He will be assisting me tonight in night court and requires an outfit fitted for such occasion”

“Yes your majesty, consider it done”

“Now I will leave you two while I find myself something to eat. Please, escort him to the dinner hall once you are finished here”

With a nod she holds her bow until Luna is completely through the door. Pausing just before the door shuts, Luna spins and throws me a wink. “We cannot wait to see how you’ll look. See you soon”

“See you soon”

With an exaggerated swish of the tail she leaves us alone. In an instant the mare is over me, wrapping a measuring tape over several parts of my body.

“Spread out your arms please. Now your legs”

“Easy there, no need to get so touchy”

Her expression remains flat, “Don’t get ahead of yourself”

“Yeesh, so cold”

She sighs, “Please, I deal with over confident nobles for the entirety of my shift. The least you could do is stay silent and do what I say”

“Sounds like you really love your job”

“… whatever keeps my little fillies in a safe place to live” her voice made it seem there was more to what she said then she let on.

“Troubled past?”

“Please don’t bother to pity me. I have a nice job and my family is safe now. I have nothing to complain about”

“Sorry, I was just curious”

“Yes and curiosity killed the Sphinx”

“It’s cat”

“Maybe from where ever you came from it is”

“Curious?”

“Not in the slightest”

“You know you might be the warmest pony I’ve ever met”

“It didn’t say in my job description that I need to be nice”

“Nor does it say you need to judge me before even knowing me”

“I haven’t judged you”

“Then why are you so curt with me?”

“Because you’re annoying and conversation with you will bring me nothing”

At this point the challenge of befriending this mare becomes so seemingly impossible it actually encourages me to try. I peer at her cutie mark, It’s a book and quill.

“What if I could get you a job you actually like?”

She stops her measuring for a second and looks me over. “How?”

“Well I’m good friends with-“

She shakes her head, “On second thought, never mind”

“Can you not be an ass for two seconds and just listen to me?”

“And can you not assume just because your some sort of royalty that you cant solve every problem with reputation and coin?” She turns away working on a white collard shirt and black dress pants.

“Ah, there’s where your wrong”

“You’re only proving my point”

“No you got it all wrong. I’m not nobility”

“Then why are you in the princesses private quarters before…. wait are you her…?” Her face blushes suddenly. “I never took princess Luna as one so mischievous”

“Wait what the fuck are you thinking over there? I’m not her sex servant or whatever your thinking!”

“He even went out and said it…”

“Would you stop-“

“Here” she holds out the shirt to me. “Try it on”

I start to take off my shirt but, notice her still staring. “Excuse me”

“What?”

“Can you not look at me while I change?”

“Trust me I’ve seen all types of different penises, there’s-“

“I’d prefer you didn’t see my dick though!”

“Oookayyy… weirdo”

Angrily I mutter to myself while I start to dress, “Weirdo? You’re the fuckin weirdo”

“Are you almost done?”

“Wow you’re insufferable”

“Hey I was thinking the exact same thing about you!”

“Ugh… can’t believe I thought about helping you”

“Yeah, helping me. Then you help me get undressed, then help me suck your penis”

“Holy shit you suck. Ever heard of somebody being nice before?”

“Somepony” she corrects. “What are you illiterate too?”

“Fuck you”

“Buck you!”

What an asshole. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she was human

“You must have had the most wonderful of experiences working here” I finish dressing up and admire myself in the mirror. The shirt even hides my loose collar underneath. “You did a pretty good job for fixing this up so quickly”

“It was easy, just had to use a template we have for malnourished griffins”

“I feel like that was supposed to be an insult but, I don’t know shit about anything but ponies”

“Why? Some sort of fetish or?”

“Are you ever not an asshole?”

“Right now, duh. Use your eyes and see I’m clearly a pony dealing with a moron of a guest”

“How do you still have your job?”

“Because…” she catches herself. “It doesn’t matter”

“And what if I went to Luna and said how shitty you treated me? What if I asked for you to be replaced?”

Her gaze hardens, “You wouldn’t, you already said yourself that you were a nice pony”

“I said I was trying to be nice”

“I know you wouldn’t”

“What if I promised you I could get you a better job?”

“One that pays as much as this? Doubt that. Cmon, I have to return you to princess Luna”

I follow her lead, “What if I could get you the means to use your special talent and a way to make your job suck less?”

“Yeah and how would you do that?”

“First off what’s your special talent?”

“Writing”

“Really? Have you-“

“Stay on topic please”

“Annoying… what if asked Luna to help get a book you write public and massed produced?”

“And what do you get out of all of this?”

“While you write it, you have to be my personal maid while I stay at the castle”

She draws back in question, “Huh? Why would that benefit you?”

“Is it weird if I say you remind me of back home?”

“Very”

“Well you do. Most of you ponies are super nice and that’s great and all but, at times it feels superficial. It’s almost refreshing to find such an absolute prune as yourself”

“Is that a compliment?”

“It’s the nicest thing you’ll get out of me”

Not responding right away, I can only assume she’s giving it thought. She stays silent for the rest of the walk. It’s not until we’ve almost made it to the dinning hall that she breaks the silence. “Novella”

“Hm?”

“My name is Novella” she holds out her hoof. “You’ll need to know it if you’re going to reference me to the princess”

“Joey” I shake her hoof. “Joey Marshall and try not to get fired before I ask her”

“I know when to push my limit and when to stay quiet. It was obvious when you first start chirping back that you didn’t really care what I said”

“Clear to me you didn’t give a fuck as well”

“Tough to when you have to work around the ponies that live here”

“Hm, I imagine we’ll be good friends when this is all said and done”

The smallest smile breaks through to her face only to be squashed down in an instant, “You’re really strange you know that?”

“Trust me I know”

Soon enough we reach the dinning hall and I find Luna practically swallowing a pancake whole, the flapjack resting on a fork just over her mouth.

“Joey! You look devilishly handsome!” She leans over to look around my backside. “And you carry quite the rump to show for it”

“I haven’t even sat down yet and you’re already sexually harassing me” a cough from behind interrupts us both.

“May I be excused now?”

“Sorry, yes you may go” Luna turns to me, “Please” she pulls out the chair across the table with her magic. “Sit and enjoy”

When I reach the chair I notice there’s already a plate ready for me. A few pancakes, some syrup, an egg, and real bacon. Yes, real bacon.

“Who’d you have to kill to get this?” I hold a strip up and bite down with a satisfying crunch. “Cause *crunch* mhm, I’ve missed this stuff”

“The palace kitchens have anything thou can imagine. Thus the main reason our sister indulges herself with sweets so much. Only if she realized how much they akin to her waist growth”

“Heh, did you just call your sister fat?”

“I would never use such terminology. Rather, she’s extra healthy”

“Wow, low blow coming from the mare drowning her pancakes in syrup” she stops mid pour, the plate nearly overflowing with the rich liquid.

“Are thou stating we our extra healthy ourselves?”

“No… I’m saying that you shouldn’t judge her and then attempt to put yourself into a sugar coma the next minute”

“We didn’t even use butter! This is not nearly as unhealthy as her chocolate cake”

“I don’t know much about sugar and all of that but, I know for a fact there’s way too much of it in syrup if every time I eat it I get sleepy”

“Our kitchens use only the freshest and most natural ingredients. Please, try some for yourself before casting judgment on our syrup”

I grab the bottle and layer my own meal in the golden goo. Taking a bite it’s similar to a more all natural brand syrup then a generic brand label. Not as tasty yet not as thick either. Perhaps she was right in this case.

“Okay so this is a natural syrup I’ll give you that but, it’s still not healthy”

“Better than sisters cake”

“I get a feeling there’s some sort of rivalry going on here between you two?”

She places her fork down not waiting to finish her chewing, “Sche dchoesnt *gulp* understand the lack of variety that comes with chocolate cake!” She lifts her pancake into the air. “Meanwhile there are serval variations I could enjoy from chocolate chip, blueberry, strawberry. There’s a million possibilities!”

“And what if she just finds chocolate cake more delicious?”

“Then she is a fool…”

I can’t hold back my laughter, “HA! My lord Luna. You can be such a filly at times, it’s adorable”

She slams her hoof down on the table, “We are not a filly!”

“Throwing a tantrum at the dinner table? Tsk tsk tsk, typically behavior of a growing mare” With my arms crossed and eyes closed I don’t see the napkin flying my way, smacking my face. “Ptfft hey!” I spit trying to get it away from my face.

“Not letting mommy wipe your dirty chin from breakfast? Typically colt behavior”

“Oh my god Lu, please don’t refer to yourself as mommy again”

“Do we not carry an intrinsic motherly vibe?”

“More like prepubescent teen”

She guffaws at my words, “You sound like my sister”

I focus my attention back to my meal and hurry to catch up to her. “By the way, that maid…”

“Miss Novella?”

“Oh you know her name?”

“I know the names of most our maids and guards. Should we not?”

“No… it’s just surprising is all”

She tilts her head to the side in confusion until a smile bubbles up to her face, “We are different from what you are accustomed to back home are we?”

I roll my eyes, “There’s not exactly any kings and queens that rule over land much anymore. There is one I know of in another country then my own but, their queen is more of a public figure than ruler. At least that’s what I’ve taken away from their situation”

“Thou has no queen? No king? This sounds familiar however, we are unsure exactly what was told to us”

“I might have told you we have a ruler still, elected by the people. Their power is kinda limited though, there’s a bunch of things every bill or law has to go through if they want anything done so I guess in a way were not much different from Europe”

“Your-up?”

“It’s not important”

When I look back her face is very focused, listening intently to what I have to say, “But we think it’s important. I would love to know more about your culture and past if thou would allow it”

Her honesty bleeds through her voice and I can tell the sincerity in what she says. “Maybe after night court I’ll tell you a little about my homeland but, I’m not going into detail about my personal past”

“Tis satisfactory enough!”

“Anyways, that mare. Would it be okay if she was my personal maid while I stay here?”

“Taken a fancy to the serpent?”

“The serpent?”

“It’s what the guards call her due to her poisonous tongue”

“That’s fitting”

“So why wish for her to be a personal maid and what interest would you have in one anyway?”

“Well first off, it seems like she hates her job”

“We could have told you that. It’s not like I haven’t taken every step necessary to help her become comfortable”

“Does she work here because she owes you something?”

“Tis a longer story then we have time for. Perhaps she would tell you herself if thou asks… unlikely though”

“Hm… either way you know me. If she only has to focus on helping me out, she’s would be less ornery then she would be with anypony else”

“You say that as if thou is not annoying”

“Not always!” Lulu giggles in response.

“And what exactly do you need help with?”

“Writing a story. You see I have this idea in my head but, I need somepony to write it for me”

She seems to buy my excuse, “Hm, could we receive a sneak peak at what is to come?”

I shake my head no, “That would be spoiling all the fun”

“I guess this would be true… fine. We shall assign her to assist thou in your writing. I must contact the head maid first so understand if there is a delay”

“Thanks, you’ll love it I promise”

She returns my smile and walks over to my side. “Enough chit chat, we have delayed as long we should. We must make haste if I am not to be late again”

“Again?”

Speedily she rushes me to the door with her, “Yes we are always late. You will see why in a moment”

We hurry down several flights of stairs until my legs and lungs begin to burn. It’s at this point she slows down, focusing more on her appearance then timing. I take notice and make myself more presentable as well, brushing my hair back and fixing the buttons on my shirt. Eventually we reach the throne room where Luna takes her rightful place on the throne with me at her side, sitting in my own little chair. Looking up at her during her little royalty display I can’t help but chuckle some. She glanced over with an eye.

“What is it that causes your laughter?”

“Just you… sitting up in the big chair. Looking all high and mighty”

She blushes lightly glancing around to the ponies nearby. She leans forward over to me with a whisper, “Could you perhaps refrain from embarrassing us?”

“Sorry”

And so back to our positions we go, and we wait. Then wait. Then wait some more. Until the doors open and a stallion dressed in his best apparel makes his way down the red carpet. His unexpected arrival causes me to nearly fall out of my chair. I straighten my back and hold my head high.

When the stallion approaches close enough to make out his face it becomes evident the amount of fear he holds. His hooves shake in anticipation, eyes wide soaking in every detail. He might wet himself if I did so little as yell.

Stopping in front of the guard, he kneels to Luna staying down as he speaks, “P-princess Luna, y-your m-majesty!”

“Stand” her voice is stern and frightening almost as much as her appearance. If looks could kill…

He clears his throat and shakily stands back up. His eyes dart to me for a fraction of a second. “I’ve c-come toda- t-tonight to ask f-for y-your help. You see I traveled-“

“To the point please”

“Eep! S-sorry!” He almost composed himself. “The nation of deer have been selling their furniture goods at a much lower price then my company and other pony companies can handle! They even sell for lower prices in Canterlot then they do in Thicket! This has to be illegal princess ther-“

“Lower thy voice” he shrinks in fear. “We have heard your inquiry, now what is it thou wishes to be done?”

“C-can’t you m-make them pay a fee or something to sell here?”

“Thou speaks of a tariff” Luna leans forward from her chair, “Do you understand the implications of such a maneuver?”

“W-well no b-but-“

“If we were to tax the deer folk of Thicket for every individual furniture sold would it be unwise to suggest they might establish a tariff of their own?”

“Well-“

“It was rhetorical. They own a majority of the market and have the power in this situation, we could not use a tariff”

She turns to me with a smile, “What do you believe we should do Mr. Marshall?” It takes a second for me to realize I’m at the center of attention.

Oh shit, it’s go time brain! Please, if there’s anything I’ve learned from my economics classes it would be wonderful if it came to me now!

“Um… isn’t this called dumping? Like what the… deer folk are doing?”

She nods, “Yes and it is rather harmful to our countries domestic producers like this stallion here” her hoof hovers over to the sweaty stallion. “Now do you know what we should do to combat such a nasty technique?”

“Import quota?”

“Yes this would be one of the ways we could handle such a situation. Another option would be through subsidies, paying our stallion here for each unit sold in order to reduce the cost of production and match our neighboring nation. Through an import quota however, we can limit the amount of furniture they are able to sell and help our companies find more opportunity”

The stallion takes a step forward clearly out of his comfort zone, “The whole s-subsidy idea sounds k-kinda-“

“And an import quota we shall implement!” He deflates some. “We must first go over the details with our sister before any rash decision making. Thank you for bringing this to our attention, thou may take their leave”

“Uh.. thank you um.. princess Luna and thank you… Mr…?”

“Marshall”

“Marshall! I won’t forget your wonderful help!”

“May the moonlight shine thou’s path”

Quickly he shuffles out leaving the two of us alone again. Luna turns to me with an excited look. “Impressed?”

“I was too busy trying to not make a fool of myself to really notice anything” she seems a little disappointed. “But I didn’t know you knew so much about economics. That was kinda impressive”

Luna lowers her voice so only we can hear, “Actually I only know a very basic amount. We were hoping you could bail us out there while I collected my thoughts”

“That why you’re waiting to talk it over with Celestia first?”

“Yes it would be most wise to speak with her and her advisors rather than make this decision on our own. Thank you for your help though. We are impressed thou knew the answer as well”

“I went to school for the shit so I better”

“For economics?”

“Yep, can’t say I’m too good at it but, I definitely could understand and hold a conversation about it”

She seems deep in thought, coming to a sudden revelation. “Would thou be willing to join us each night to be our own advisor? We believe there is more you are capable of then you give credit”

“I appreciate the offer but, don’t you know how terrible I do with attention?”

“Nonsense, my night court is always empty. We don’t get most of our inquires til the early morning. Honestly, a good court would receive up to five or six visits” Then it dawns on me why.

“Luna, why do you think most ponies don’t show up to night court?”

“Because of the time of course”

“Yes but, would you say you get less ponies then you probably should?”

“It isn’t something one could just assume a number to” a look of disbelief is enough to get her truth. “Okay, we admit. The night court has been suffering with attendance” she sinks into chair. “It’s one of the reasons we are always late”

I take a deep breath, “I don’t want to seem rude when I say this but, don’t you think you could be a little more… approachable?”

The guard nearby glances a worried peek which Luna catches with a glare, “What does thou mean?! We were courteous!”

“Yeah to me! Not that stallion that was seconds away from pissing himself!”

Her head lifts in disagreement, “We believe you are being dramatic”

“Luna” my serious tone catches her attention. “Give it a try”

With a sigh and a deflation of her shoulders, she gives in. “Fine, we will be more… approachable”

“Like you would treat me”

“… like I would treat a lesser you”

“Close enough”

The court dragged on and the night remained uneventful. There was a two more ponies that appeared beyond our first stallion and to her word, Luna attempted to be more inviting. It went as poorly as you’d expect, her patience drawing thin after only a few moments but, it was a work in progress. Hopefully before I headed home in a few months I could fix up her reputation. Morning drew near and the clock struck 4, it was the end of night court. There would be a 3 hour period where no court was held until Celestia took the throne leaving me and Luna some time to do whatever.

Walking back we take a break in Celestia’s private library to give another look at the text within. Luna does most the searching given the strange squiggle language, while I follow her around pestering.

“Yikes, I don’t know about that one”

“Again, thou cannot read a single one of these texts! How could you possibly assume this is not the book?”

“Cause it’s not old enough I mean look at it” It’s it horrible shape. Any sudden movement might cause the pages to fall clean out from the cover.

“Not old enough? Is thou looking for ancient cave drawings?!”

“Hieroglyphics would be pretty nice”

“You learning to read old Poneish would be pretty nice”

“And miss out on an opportunity like this? Cmon we’re having fun!”

“Maybe thou is having fun…” she stomps a hoof lightly.

Maybe 5 more minutes pass and I start to get antsy. “Is there anywhere else that might have an answer? Maybe like another library forgotten in the past?”

“There is the old castle… but, I doubt anything there would still be functional. Most of the grounds would be littered with booby traps and collapsed foundation. Best if we stayed away”

“Only a matter of time until Twilight dives in there on another test”

“Don’t be ridiculous, our sister has no purpose delving into that old crusty castle”

I have to take her word, I don’t know Celestia well enough to argue. “Then let’s just call it for today. I mean it’s my first night here, we’ve already searched here and I bet you’re tired from dealing with those ponies in court”

“Very much so. We didn’t realize how exhausting it is to preform unnecessary friendliness!”

“It’s completely necessary! Don’t you want your ponies to love you not fear you?”

“Weren’t you the one who said they loved us already?”

“… that was Nightmare Night *shiver* your holiday! Course they loved you that night!” The world alone made my skin crawl but, I hide my discomfort.

Luna stays quiet causing me to look over in worry. Her teal eyes carry the burden of pity, “We are sorry our holiday is to be remembered so poorly”

Damage control mode!

“No no no, it’s fine Luna. I still love the holiday and it’s not your fault!”

“But you cannot enjoy it as thou once did! It’s been spoiled, tainted by evil”

I sit down on a nearby stool, slightly bummed from the topic, “Luna if you don’t mind me asking. What ever happened to that stallion at that farm?”

Grim, it’s the only word that could convey her expression. “Redemption”

“Did you… ya know? You don’t have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable” sitting down beside me she stays quiet for a bit. “We can drop it, honestly. Actually let’s just go back to-“

“We wish the punishment we inflicted that day were more suitable for the crime. His vile soul was relived more suitable for a valiant knight then for the slimy rat he was. Our only regret was not killing him slower”

I’m left in uncertainty. That stallion had given up. Yes he was a monster, yes he deserved to rot behind bars but, to be murdered? I couldn’t disagree that he had it coming but, it makes me wonder if I should’ve killed him instead, so that Luna never would have. She senses my internal conflict and interrupts.

“It is okay if you distain us after such news. Understand however, if we were given the chance to undo what happened, I would not”

I get up and kneel beside her, she faces away from me in shame. With a simple act of a hug her worry melts away in my warmth. “Luna I would never hate you”

“We are not a good pony Joey, we have done unspeakable things in our lifetime. Could you guarantee that promise in the face of what’s not already been told?”

“Yes because I love the pony that’s right here in front of me, the pony you are now”

She rests her face into my shoulder, “We are despicable… having to rely on thou for comfort even after a lifetime as long as ours. You should not have to console me”

Rubbing her back I stay silent, letting my actions speak for me. When she goes to pull away I squeeze her close with a loving care. Her voice shakes, “P-please, we are fine” A shush her and continue to hold tight, gently brushing my hand through her mane. “J-Joey! We… we are….”

Then with a quiet whimper, she squeezes tight against me. Luna’s soft whimpers fill the room and ache my heart. I can only hold her until she’s cried it all out. Whether it was for a few minutes or several, the room eventually falls to a peace with the two of us still wrapped in the middle. Luna is the first to pull away, wiping the tears from her face.

“We are sorry. Thou should never have to see us this way”

I hold her hoof, “It’s okay, I’m here for you”

Although downtrodden, she’s able to give me a smile. “We are truly blessed to have met you” Luna rubs into my shoulder once more to hide her messy face, “Tis been a long time since somepony has seen us cry. We are glad it was you”

“You know it’s okay with me if you need to do this again sometime. I get how at times things get a little out of control and we just need a release. It’s impossible to keep everything pent up forever”

“Hopefully your offer proves unnecessary and we are to experience only joyous times ahead… but, we know how life cycles” She looks to me with a glimmer in her eye. “Promise us you’ll be there when we need you”

“Luna I can’t make a promise like that. We both know that but, I will in my power do whatever it takes to make you happy”

“That will have to do”

Our night is cut short after Luna’s breakdown leading us back to her chambers for the night… or day, whatever makes more sense. Closing her curtains against the rising sun I look over to the princess laying in her bed. She gives her best puppy dog eyes.

“Would you accompany us to bed? At least until we have a fallen asleep?”

I can’t imagine this ends with me anywhere else but sleeping in her bed for the whole night

“Sure”

Giddily she scoots over allowing me enough room as if the bed wasn’t already large enough. Soon as I settle in she latched to my arm.

“This is wonderful, I finally have you to my own”

“Luna your greed is sticking out”

“What is this?” Confused I look to see what she asks of. A hoof rolls under my shirt sleeve revealing my former scars.

“You didn’t know about these?”

“You do not have these in the dreamscape, why has this been hidden from us? Are these recent?!”

“What? No! These are… these are from when I was living alone, before Pinkie moved in” I brush over the surface of my arm, the scarring leaving little speed bumps along the skin. “I wasn’t in the right mindset…”

“We never knew of this Joey… we… I am sorry you experienced such pain”

“It’s fine Lulu, I wouldn’t ever do it again. I learned my lesson once I saw how much it hurt my friends. I never thought they’d feel responsible otherwise I wouldn’t have done it in the first place”

“I can understand. We too did not see how much suffering was inflicted upon our sister having left her with no choice but, to banish us. We let jealousy command our actions and ruin what good standing we still had. It wasn’t until I was reformed did I see the error in my ways. Take solace that my fate wasn’t the same as yours”

“When I look at my arms I can’t help but feel like I’m such an idiot for having done what I did. I don’t mean to pry but does that sound similar to anything you’ve ever felt?”

“Hm, nothing particular. We carry no scars or symbol of our shameful behavior. We are lucky in that regard at least. This does not mean we bear no reminder to our mistake. The Summer Sun celebration in its entirety is a celebration of our defeat at the hooves of our sister. She does not see in it that way and we have learned to embrace it nonetheless. It was our worst mistake in the end and does deserve celebration”

“You don’t still think you’re evil right?”

“We can see where this is already going. Please do not patronize us Joey, I know I am not evil. However I will not consider ourself good either”

Closing my eyes I wrap an arm around Luna, “I think you’re a good pony. I guess I’ll just have to make you realize how good you really are”

Luna rolls her eyes snuggling close, “Ha! Good luck with that endeavor”

“Thank you but, I don’t need luck. It’s my special talent”

“Uh huh, just remember to treat your body more respectfully. We cannot cuddle thou if there is nothing to cuddle”

“You make me feel so wanted”

“That was never our intention”

“Heh… hehe… funny joke”

24 Prince Marshall

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*knock* *knock* *knock*

Confused by the strange sound I fight to open my eyes, looking for the source. Chandelier? Nope, giant royal mirror? Nah, Luna? Hey it’s Luna! Then it all comes rushing back, from the night before to where I am now. With a slow pan to where I lay a panic grows within me.

Oh shit! I’m in Luna’s bed! Stranger at the door! Can’t be seen like this!

Another set of knocks stirs miss sleepy awake and she gets up without thought, dragging her hooves toward the door.

“Luna!”

“Hmmeh? Joey?”

“Luna don’t just open the door! I can’t be seen in here!”

Her eyes widen, “Oh buck! Umm…” she trots in place nervously looking for a plan. “Hide under the bed!”

“What?! Is this some sort of, ‘oh my husband came home early’ shit!?” I lean over the bed and see it’s much to close to the floor. “It’s too short!”

More knocks ring into the room. “What a persistent pony! Why this could only be our sister to have such bravery”

She grabs the door opening it slowly with a peek. I dive under the covers in a prayer I won’t be spotted. At least I still had my clothes on.

“Why sister isn’t it early to be knocking on my door?”

“Luna you do know it is 7 pm?”

“The statement still stands! Early for us!”

“Well I was wondering where Joey was and I was curious if you might know. I did leave him with you last did I not?” She tried to look past Luna into the room. “Unless he spent the night-“

“We believe you are being rather intrusive dear sister! Now if you would please leave me to the rest of my days rest-“

“Surely you wouldn’t mind in I just came in for a little chat now wouldn’t you? It’s not like you have anything to hide”

“Haha yes nothing of the sort!” Her awkward laughter causes me to facepalm beneath the covers.

“We’re done for…” I mutter.

“Great then-“

“Then we will get properly dressed and meet thou in the garden for tea if that is fine-“

“Oh no there’s no need for that I only wish to have a small conversation about our guest”

“Small? Great, then we shall discuss it here”

“Here? In the hallway?”

“Why is this not a suitable enough location or perhaps should I follow you to another?”

“Luna can you just let me in”

“Uh.. can I fix it up my room some? It’s quite a mess and-“

Unbeknownst to me it’s at this point where Celestia went to barge in only to be stopped by Luna at the door. “Sister! You are behaving suspiciously!”

“Can’t thou take a hint and leave us be!”

“Us?! Who is in your room? A suitor?”

“Sister you know that is how we speak! Do not pretend to know otherwise!”

“Luna if you don’t let me into your room right now”

“And If you don’t buck off…”

And then there’s a poof, and Celestia is gone. I pull the covers down to look. Luna matches my worried expression.

*poof*

“AH HA! I knew it!” Sun mare stares me down with triumph. “Joey has slept in your chambers over the day hasn’t he? What perverted actions have you been up to behind closed doors sister!?”

“Perv- we have been completely free from any risqué behavior!”

“Then why does Joey rest in your bed?”

“He must have hopped on the bed when I opened the door!”

“He still suffers from bed head and he is quiet literally under your covers!”

“We… this… everything has been taken completely out of context!”

Celestia moves over to her sister with a sudden seriousness not present before, “Luna if you two are courting one other I must know”

Glancing between the two of us I give her a shoulder shrug. It’s up to her. “Sister we… yes we are courting young Mr. Marshall”

“And you do understand the consequences if the public finds out? This is no meager decision” pointing a hoof back to me she continues, “Does he even know what he has gotten himself into?”

“Of course, I-“ The sun princesses doubt becomes clearer with her frustrated expression. Enough to make Luna stop and turn to me. “Joey there is something we haven’t explained”

I’m a little nervous given Celestia’s reaction but, it feels like I’m too deep now to back out. “I’m listening”

“I did say our relationship would be frowned upon yes?”

“Yeah…?”

“But what I didn’t explain is that if we were to be found out… if we wished to continue courting one another” taking one last look at her sister she drops the bomb. “We would need to induct you as a prince of Equestria”

“Huh? Aren’t princes like… born of royal blood? Like a real prince would be need to be born as either of yours offspring right? I don’t see how that makes any sense”

Celestia steps forward, “So doesn’t most of Equestrias old customs however, our council has not changed this law in some time, due to lack of importance of course. Luna and I have not often taken suitors therefore such change hasn’t proven necessary yet, I should have still seen this coming”

“But you two are like the rulers of this place, can’t you just change the law?”

“Perhaps in the past we could but, in modern times the ponies have elected a council to represent specific regions of Equestria. There are some changes we can make without meeting, those abilities still remain but, any changes to law would require a formal discussion with our council”

“I guess this country’s a little less matriarchal then I thought” I pull at the hair in my beard in thought. “Is becoming a prince bad?”

“Define bad?”

“Sister we think what he means is, ‘does it suck’?”

“Suck?”

I start to pace around the room, “Boring, yucky, political, snobby. What exactly would it change about my life?”

“Much. You would be expected to attend ceremonies, foreign greetings, social get togethers. Most countries would be interested in getting to meet the new prince and our own nobility would need to meet you as well. Then there is the responsibility of maintaining your public appearance, attending lessons on court procedures, moving into Canterlot-“

“I can’t do that”

Celestia sighs, “That one I’m sure we can work around if need be. Although this isn’t even the beginning of it. There are certain things you would need to know that our considered Equestrian secrets and would only be taught after some affirmation between the two of you, like marriage”

“Easy with the big m word… and why does it matter if foreign countries meet me? I’d be a prince not a king. For all they know what if Luna and I decide we just want to be friends? Wouldn’t I be giving up the title of prince in that situation?”

“Most inductions of prince hood only come with individuals deemed likely to hold the throne. Although we wouldn’t immediately induct you, this is only precautionary in case your relationship is discovered”

“Oh so if anypony found out I’d need to make a decision?”

“Yes, but there is no need for rush”

I let out a sigh of relief, “Thank god, that would have been a whole lot to take in. Imagine what Pinkie would think if she saw the news in the paper, she’d probably kill me”

“Then let’s not let it come to that” Luna pats me on the back. “And we should rejoice in our new courtship by kicking this intruder out of our room!” With telekinesis she flings several pillows into Celestia’s direction.

Caught off guard the sun mare disappears into the barrage. “Why did ya have to go and do her like that? I still had some questions!”

With a few precautionary steps toward the pillow pile, Luna pokes around with a hoof. “It appears you will have to adjust them toward us. Celestia has fallen in battle”

“Poor Celly”

Pouncing out the pile with glee, Celestia lands between us with a large grin, “Did you hear that Luna? He has given me a nickname!”

“I.. I did?”

“You did refer to me as Celly did you not?”

“Oh… yeah your right. I did”

With wings spread Celly took the time to skip out onto Luna’s balcony and leap off, souring into the sky. “This is a monumental day! Enjoy yourselves for I will see you both in the morning!”

Giving a confused wave at her excited departure, I turn back to ask Luna my question only to find her face first back in bed. I climb behind her and hug close, whispering into her ear. “Aren’t you two the leaders of this whole planet? Why would it matter if foreign countries knew me or not?”

“Because…” she groans. “We don’t actually rule the planet. We are only the ones expected to protect it is all”

“So ponies are like the most powerful?”

“In general? Yes”

“What does that mean?”

“Ugh please no more questions” she covers her ears with a pillow.

It’s clear she’s had enough so I don’t bother her any longer. Wrapping my arms around her we spoon, Luna’s head resting just below my own. I don’t know how long we stay like this but I fall asleep again. Truth be told it really was more of a nap or at least a long one. The night hadn’t even begun, Celestia’s sun edging the horizon. With a peer to the balcony I admire Luna preforming her duty. Her silhouette traces onto the moons face, the shadow of a mare placed on its surface. Soon enough our favorite bright rock finds peace in the sky, illuminating the room with its glow.

Lazily she trots over while rubbing her eyes, “Sorry, did we wake you?”

“More like mesmerized me with your beauty” I finish with a cheeky grin. “How could I look away from such a godly view? You, the moonlight. You know it really shows off all your curves”

Hopping back into bed she cuddles my face in her chest giggling, “Thou are quiet the charmer but, perhaps keeping that silver tongue to yourself and for us would be for the best. We wouldn’t want the pain of relieving thou from any more trouble”

“You know I know when to keep my mouth shut”

“And thou still talks themselves into trouble”

“Name one time I talked myself into trouble”

“We could name several however, it would be rude to relive the memories. You don’t exactly have the fondest of experiences in Equestria. It is almost as if thou attracts trouble”

“As if you attract trouble”

“You are correcting us now?”

“Only fair if you’re gonna point out all my flaws”

Smirking Luna bats me with a wing, “Shush. You are speaking with your queen and should treat her as such”

“Least you said everything right that time…”

“What was that?”

“Hm? Oh nothing. Just saying how wonderful a leader you are and how you totally don’t have a problem addressing other ponies besides me”

“Hm! They are not worthy of our greatest attention. We shall only take the time to speak properly with those most deserving”

“I thought the point of you learning was so you could speak better in public?”

Caught in a lazy lie she changes subject, “I’ve been meaning to ask, what do you think of becoming a prince? Would we be asking too much? We would understand if you wished to deny our relationship given the circumstance we are exposed”

“I’m not denying us, I’ll stick through it no matter what you ask me to do. Sure I might be a little overwhelmed and sure I might be over my head but, I’ve gotten this far. Even with everything that’s gone wrong”

“Rather optimistic of you… are you the real Joey Marshall?”

“Can’t I try to change a little?” I mean what good does it do if I sulk around worrying about stupid noble parties and shit. I’ll just freak myself out”

Her horn glows briefly and my body tingles. A look of surprise dawns upon her, “Thou really are Joey”

“Hey! Is it really that hard to believe I’d say something like that?”

“Yes”

“…fair enough”

Our cuddle session lasts for at least another twenty to thirty minutes before, I start to worry about Luna’s reputation of being late. Fighting against the warmth of Luna and her bed I pull myself to be face to face, nearly bumping her nose.

“Shouldn’t we be like…?”

“Hm? Oh night court. It is the weekend, there is no court to be held”

“Really?”

“Why would we lie?”

“To avoid boring night court”

“I do not need excuses to avoid night court. We can simply call for an off day whenever we please”

“…did you call for an off day today and just lied about there not being night court?”

“Wha- what? N-no! We would never do that!”

“Have you done it before?”

“…possibly”

“Adorable”

“We are not adorable!”

Eventually we have to get up, both of us not wanting to waste a day. After a small breakfast we make our way downstairs to the more populated parts of the palace. I kinda just let Luna guide me around for a while until curiosity takes control.

“So where are we going?”

She doesn’t bother to look back, “We are going to the records room”

“How come?”

“To find the resting place of our original symptom carrier”

“Ah, patient zero. The asshole”

“Quantum Matter. We are hoping to find some sort of clue with his autopsy report or with his remains”

“Luna he must’ve died thousands of years ago, what makes you think there’s even any of his remains left?”

“Bone would be plenty enough”

I shake my head slightly uncomfortable with the whole notion of digging up a dead body, even if it was a horrible pony. “Are we really gonna dig up his body?”

“Dig? Who said anything about digging?”

“Well how else would we find his body?”

She scoffs, “There is no way we would’ve buried his body in a simple graveyard. He was much too contagious and a villainous scorn on society”

“Twilight told me my sickness is my soul magic so assuming he was the same way shouldn’t he not be contagious now?”

“We did not have the knowledge that we have now and would have taken drastic measures to prevent illness. The body is likely to be found somewhere on palace grounds”

“So how come you didn’t do this until now?”

“Because we were not desperate enough, not until now” Her words are alarming but, I try not panic. At least I try not to look like I’m about to panic.

“Isn’t this kind of exciting though? I won’t lie I’m a little disturbed with the whole desiccating a dead body part but, to look for the remains of a pony almost hidden from history? Feels like something out of a movie”

“Exciting isn’t the word I would use. We are more… apprehensive. I worry we will not find anything of importance”

“Yeah but we get to have some fun solving this case together!”

“Case? We are detectives now?”

“Detective Luna, CPD, Canterlot police force” she chuckles at my deep voice impression.

Playing along she gives an impression of her own, “Detective Marshall, cunning and quick witted”

“Yeah! Now we’re talking!”

“Hehe, you seem very high spirits today, it is wonderful to see thou in this way”

I blush from her words unable to handle the sincerity, “…thanks”

“For what?”

“For caring… about me” she stops taking a second to listen. “It means a lot”

Keeping my eyes down I don’t see her approach, her head nuzzles against my neck. “Thou means more to us then you could imagine. It is only customary we return the favor”

The moment is charming but brief, we waste no time the rest of our way. Soon enough we enter a section of the palace that I can only assume is the guards barracks. Several stallions don their plated light armor filling the room around us. Most bowed as we passed while others unknowing of Luna’s presence went about their way. Watching curiously at a guard removing his armor, the color of his coat and mane shifted from its white and gold to all pink, his coat slightly darker than his mane.

“I can see why some of them could use the matching colors, not very intimidating to see a pink stallion”

“I wouldn’t underestimate any of our guards”

“Note taken, specially when that one during the wedding kicked my ass”

Glancing back to see my emotion she responds empathetically, “We are truly sorry for that again, we should have been awake already at that point. Unprofessional of us to miss such an occasion”

“You were probably tired from night court or something. It’s not like you don’t work hard Luna”

“Yes but, this was only one event! We wouldn’t even need to be present for the party after, only for the ceremony and we failed even that” she finishes with a huff.

“Your being too hard on yourself again”

“And thou are allowing us to get off too lightly” We enter a room to the side and she whispers to me close, “Can’t you see how embarrassing it was that I could not wake for a family wedding?”

“Cadence was kinda new though, it wasn’t like you really knew her…”

“Then what a better moment to make up for lost time! Lost time that we suffered due to our own negligence!” Shaking her head she has to sit down to stop herself from shaking. “We are truly trying, I swear it”

Resting on my knees I pull her into a hug. The size difference is a little awkward but, she’s able to lean over my shoulder still. When I go to speak up she places a hoof around my body, embracing the hug fully. I swallow my words and allow her to take the moment she needs, enjoying the slow tempo of her heartbeat. Rustling of metal boots and armor just outside the door makes the private moment slightly unnerving yet, Luna still doesn’t budge for some time.

“Hey Lu? Aren’t you worried somepony might see us?”

“Let them, they have not yearned for affection as bad as I”

I rub her back hoping to ease the stress, “I’m sorry Luna”

“Please, do not feel sorry. We have casted this pain upon ourselves and are lucky to have a pony now as understanding as thou to help. I don’t deserve your empathy but, selfishly I will take it”

“Good cause I think you deserve more then I can give but selfishly, I will take you”

She chuckles a few times and separates our hug, “Then we shall selfishly enjoy one another”

“Of course… selfishly”

A few more laughs are had until Luna feels well enough to continue. “Come, we are almost there”

“After you”

She wasn’t exaggerating either as our journey ends not even a handful of minutes later. We come to a stop in a small office in the lower levels of the palace attached to both the medical wing and more barracks. The smell of alcohol and sanitizer creates a pungent assault against my nose making me scrounge up in discomfort.

“Ugh, what’s that smell?”

“Formaldehyde. It’s used to preserve the dead”

“It smells fuckin awful!”

“That it does” when I look to see show she handles the smell I’m left with disappointment at the sign of her mask.

“How come I don’t get a mask?”

“Thou never asked” I can still see the grin lines in the corners of her face.

“Unbelievable, even after everything I’ve done for you”

“Oh don’t be dramatic! You were so eager to find out more not even thirty minutes ago”

“You never said anything about smelling fermelda whatever. Besides, where’s the file you’re looking for?”

“This was much too long ago to be on file” Walking along the side of the wall she presses her face close as to hear for something. “No, we would’ve hidden the body with some of the other precarious cases of that time”

“Was there a lot back then?”

“Given the lack of extensive knowledge we have now? Yes, just about every other case it felt like”

“Yikes. Sounds like a lot of bodies”

With a few nocks against the wall she stands back glowing her horn. “Most we removed over time once the cause was discovered however, for your incident, thou are the second ever to suffer without prior exposure. His body is likely to be still within”

Loud crumbling sounds came from within the wall and the rumbling shook my legs faintly. It’s not until it stops does Luna step forward tearing through the drywall to reveal a stone path. It’s dark and narrow, definitely a tight fit.

“How’d you know to look here?”

“These walls were originally stone until our sister found it off putting for a autopsy room. Said it was inappropriate and disturbing. Reminded her of a dungeon”

I run my hand along the cold stone, “I can see where she gets the dungeon vibes” I step back holding my arm out for her to lead. “Mares first”

She’s huffs while removing her mask, “The saying goes stallions first Joey”

“Please I insist. It was always ladies first back on Earth”

“Yes but we are in Equestria. Thou must oblige by our customs”

“Ah but the guest is always right Lulu so please… lead the way”

Shrugging she steps forward into the passage, lightly her horn for a light. “We guess it would be most appropriate for us to lead anyways, we have a better chance finding the way then you”

“Finding the… do you not know where to go?”

“Course not!” She says as if it were obvious. “I have only stayed in this palace for a little over a year”

“I thought you lived here before”

“Haven’t we told you? I was banished when my sister and I still resided at the caste within the Everfree”

“Damn… so coming back to this new home must’ve been kinda weird”

Looking away as if to reminisce she stares deeply at the wall, “We still feel homesick at times but, find comfort in our sisters presence. In a way she is our true home, my only family remaining”

“I get that… with me being unable to go home I’ve really felt lost and out of place for some time now. It wasn’t until Pinkie showed me how joyful life could really be again that I felt like believing I could find a home here. I guess she’s kinda my home like you and your sister”

“That was touching for you to share that, truly” stepping back she hesitates, “Is it strange to say it makes us feel warm inside when thou trusts us with such private thoughts?”

“I don’t think so. Makes me feel better to have somepony to relate to so when you talk about your own issues… I kinda feel important you know?” Her concerned look makes me feel as if I should clarify. “Important to you! Not that I feel like me as a whole isn’t important”

“We understood, I was just thinking how I felt the same”

The corner of my lip curls in a smile, “Sounds like we’re a match made in heaven”. Luna shares my smile, “Cmon, let’s go find us a body!”

Stepping forward into the dark tunnel she takes lead, “Not exactly something a pony should shout about, specially so close to others”

“They know we’re the good guys, what’ll they care?”

“Do they know that? Us, a pony formerly turned nightmare. Thou, formerly seen as a monster. Yes, why would they doubt”

“That’s all in the past. Now you’re a super cool, super beautiful alicorn of the night and I’m a big tall protector of ponies. Our reputations are at a high”

“Thou only seems to believe themselves a hero the moment it seems convenient” I shrug and watch her step into the tunnel.

I stay close behind Luna, my hand resting on her back while we shuffle deeper down the tunnel. The tight path eventually expands outward not far into our walk leaving the two of us a little more wiggle room. Moving forward I stand beside her and our only light source glowing from her horn. Like Luna explained earlier the walls remained stone all the way up to a point where our path stopped.

A metal fence gate kept us from going any farther, the dark room behind it much larger than our own path. Riddled with pony skulls or at least what I’d assume are pony skulls, it’s shape wasn’t very inviting to any guest. Stepping ahead I give the gate a little shake trying to move it from its place. It doesn’t budge much.

“Wouldn’t happen to have a key now would you?”

“Neigh, we do not. However…” lighting her horn even more she shoots the lock with a fiery bolt, leaving it to melt toward the floor. “We do have magic”

“Are you sure this is okay?”

“I thought you were excited?”

I bite my lip, “Yep, totally geeked about this”

“Relax and behold” with a simple spell the pathway before us lights up instantly, the proceeding wall torches lighting up as well in order.

Still surrounded by stone, it was at least more visible how deep our path went. If I squinted hard enough I could see the wall at the end of our hall. Settling for silence we both walk while watching over the decaying scenery. Looked somewhat like an old mine shaft in some ways.

“This is where y’all kept bodies? Doesn’t this feel like a bit much?”

“We wouldn’t want anypony to just waltz right in here now would we? These are the remains of those most dangerous and mysterious deaths we’ve experienced, they must remain in a location as devious as this”

“Yeah but who’s the one doing maintenance down here? Case you haven’t noticed this hallway is barely held together”

“And like we said earlier, we haven’t had a new case in some time!”

“How would you know? You said you’ve only been back here for like a year!”

“Before your arrival, I asked of any details from our sister on this palace’s morgue which she obliged. We can say our knowledge of this specific morgue is limited yet our understanding does not end there. Mortician work was a hobby of ours. It was a strange hobby we must admit yet, I find it fascinating in certain ways. I’m sure thou are quick to think we are weird…”

“Weird? Nah, you’re just goth”

“Goth? As in gothic?”

“Yeah, I bet if you were human you’d wear black lipstick and be super pale and shit”

“Ha, pale. Tough to imagine us as such” she stares at her own dark hoof in disbelief.

“Not for me”

“You must have a wonderful imagination”

“I’ve been told”

Continuing our walk we turn down another tunnel leading to an opening, “Us as a human… HA! What a funny sight to imagine”

“Probably be hot as fuck”

Luna blushes, “Please, it is embarrassing to think of all the perverted images flowing through thou’s brain”

“Then return the favor, imagine me as a stallion”

“But you are a stallion” she winks suggestively.

“Heh, Lulu did a perv”

Stopping once we arrive into the large opening, Luna spreads her wings wide. “Here we are, the morgue!” She almost seems excited, while I scurry away from a large spider behind her.

“Let’s hurry this up before I see another spider please”

She smirks picking up the spider in her hoof, “Adorable you can fear such a small creature”

“First off I’m the one who calls ponies adorable and secondly that thing is horrific looking!”

“Maybe to the average eye” placing it down she makes her way over to some of the objects in the room.

Checking my surroundings, everything still remained encased by stone. The ceiling was low, maybe eight foot and the structure of the room was rectangular, longer as you walked forward from the entrance. Resting along the sides lay several stone tombs or stone caskets (not really sure the difference) engraved with squiggly writing on their base. Each held engravings carved into the stone as well, usually similar in appearance to a pony version of death. Imagine a cloak covered pony wielding a scythe, that’s all it really is. The few that appeared any different weren’t from design, the age wearing away at its appearance.

“One of these should be our mystery pony”

“What’s with the terrifying stone work?”

“We used this symbol to say life threatening or danger to mortality. Here it even explains such on the wall.

Sure enough a few squiggly words rest below the very same symbol near the entrance wall. “Ah yes, in my native written language. Why didn’t I just read these SQUIGGLY LINES!”

I can hear her giggling behind me as she looks over several of the tombs. “Ooo, look at this one. Parasitic brain worm, highly contagious”

“Please don’t open that”

“Or this one, uncontrolled murderous rage. Cause still unknown”

“Actually don’t open any of these”

“Relax, any diseases or possible contagion would have passed by now. Why it must have been over hundreds of years since this room has seen any life”

“And for good reason”

“Actually yes, it is a good sign”

I let out a sigh and lean against a nearby tomb, watching Luna make her way down the room. Carefully she scans over the text of every tomb she passes, her focus unwavering. Whether it’s because I get too comfortable or the age was getting to this room, the lid I lean on slips open causing me to almost fall in. I catch myself just short of a pony skull drawing a very high pitched manly scream.

“AHHHHH”

“Are you alright?!” Luna had already closed the gap between us, checking me over for any wounds.

“Jesus… yeah I’m fine. Stupid fucking tomb fell apart or something”

“It would appear it did…”

“What’s this one say anyways? I’m not gonna have some sort of new illness now am I?”

“Brittle bones disease. We have found a cure for this already, strange to see the body still here”

“Goes to show you how much Celestia cared for your hobby”

She shrugs, “She never was a fan of death, would do almost anything to avoid talking about it even years after our fathers death. She is much better now, at times a completely different mare then the one I remembered”

I’m interested to know more about her father but, it feels rude to ask. Also it probably wasn’t okay to ask about Celly’s issue with death either so I settle for no question at all. Remembering where we are I guess this technically is the most appropriate place to ask but, I respect her privacy. If she wanted to tell me she would.

“Ponies change I guess… either way, I’ve already had my fair share of this place so let’s get this over quickly so we can go back to literally anywhere but here”

“Normally I’d disagree given the exciting potential there is to learn but, ever since thou opened that tomb, the air has become foul”

“Yeah sorry about that but, at least now you agree we should hurry right?” She bonks me on the head and returns to her search.

I’m not much help to her at this point given the fact I’m illiterate with old Poneish so I take the time to look back at the pony grave I’d desecrated. Shaped like a pony, the skeleton was laying on its side with several cracks and breaks throughout its bones. The skull was the most damaged, a large chunk missing near the top. What a poor soul, to be both born at a disadvantage and unable to live a full life.

“Luna can we at least take some of these remains and give them a proper burial?”

“We were thinking the same idea!” She shouts from across the room. “Most of these individuals do not appear to be villainous in any way, more like victims of unfortunate circumstances. After our leave I shall have a small team attend to any remains undeserving of such treatment. No pony deserves to be forgotten in this way”

“If most of these aren’t villains then does that mean we’re in the wrong place?”

“We are beginning to believe so”

“Shit”

“Shit indeed”

“Did you just-“

“The ones we search for must rest where we originally resided, at the old castle” placing a hoof on my shoulder she gives me a empathetic look. “We are sorry for wasting away a good night to enjoy ourselves, perhaps we can meet up again in the future once you have returned home to investigate this lead further. It’s location is much closer to Ponyville than it is here and so we should save it for then”

“So what are we going to do here then? We got a few months to work with”

“We were hoping to look over Quantum’s writing some more in hope of finding a clue. It is nearly six hundred to seven hundred words of journal keepings and test records, quite easy to miss anything of importance. Aaaand to be fair we are frustrated with today’s failure and would like to get started right away… if that is okay with thou?”

“Do you want me to keep you company?”

“Oh we would love thou’s company however, do you not have a book you wished to write? We wouldn’t want to steal the opportunity from thou and besides, we are more likely to focus better alone”

“A book- oh yeah that’s right! Ah shit, what was that mares name again?”

“Miss Novella”

“Thanks. Yep, I need her help to write it”

“It might not have been much time since I sent letter for her position change but, we find ourselves near the maid quarters. Would you like for us to make the change now?”

“If you’re gonna be busy today then yeah, that’d be great!”

“Consider it done, now let’s remove ourselves from this unforgettable excuse of a morgue”

“It’s a morgue Lulu, no need to have such high standards”

“But it was our morgue at one point! To see it in such disarray. Disappointing”

“Maybe the old one was yours but this one was entirely built before you returned. Can’t be too mad about this”

“When thou takes as much pride in grave tending as I, perhaps then thou could understand”

“Of course, my grave tending arc how could I forget” fortunately for anyone reading, there would be no grave tending arc. You’re welcome.

Luna leads the way back out and once we’ve reached our original entrance she spins around closing gap in the wall. It solves the issue of a large hole in the wall but, not the missing drywall.

“So who’s gonna replace that?”

“Hm? Oh, no pony soon. We still need it noticeable so that my ponies can find the way back to those remains. I can’t leave them there without proper burial”

I slap the top of my head, “Oh that right! Duh, you already said that”

“Why do you slap your head? Does that not hurt?”

“Well yeah but, you’ve never like hit yourself for being stupid?”

She shakes her head, “Neigh, what good would come of it? Negative reinforcement?”

Thinking about it I don’t really know why I did it. “Let’s just call it theatrics and find this maid”

Raising one eyebrow she giggles, “You can be very strange at times… even more strange we find it endearing”

“Lulu likes her stupid coltfriend” I mockingly sing.

“Please refrain from yelling that around others” I can’t see her face now but, I know she’s blushing.

Back through the guard barracks, back into the main hall entrance, Luna takes me up to a door labeled with the words ‘palace staff only’. She tells me to stay put and so I do. Doesn’t take long before she comes back with Novella in tow, her scowl directed at my soul.

“And here she is, thou’s own personal attendant! Do behave miss Scribble, we know how sharp that tongue of yours may cut and Mr. Marshall, do treat our staff with respect as they will do for you. We must get going now, enjoy the night as we shall. Goodnight!”

“Thank you Luna” I flash her a smile and wave her off. “See ya later!”

It’s not until she’s out of hearing range does the mare beside me speak up. “First off I’m not your property or your slave or whatever dumb idea you think I am to you so get that through your thick head now”

“Easy, easy! Jeez! No need for the hostility remember? I’m trying to help you”

“Yeah but, you still haven’t explained what’s in it for you. Kinda creepy if you ask me”

“I wasn’t asking you and I’ll tell you when we get back to my quarters which are… I don’t know where they are”

Facehoofing she walks past me in the direction Luna went, “Come on, princess Luna told me where to go…”

“Nice!” I jog to catch up and start walking beside her. “Look at that, you being nice enough to guide me around”

“Keep talking like that and I’ll take you somewhere else and leave you to get lost”

“You wouldn’t” she gives me a look that differs. “*gasp* you would!”

“…not funny”

“Ass”

“Creep”

Novella leads me most of the way in a fast pace making it difficult to trace back the steps. This wouldn’t be the last time I’d need help getting here, that became clear. Our walk started to get a little boring and the lack of familiar surroundings made me quick to give up remembering the way. Besides, I have a maid now to lead me.

“Luna called you miss Scribble… is that your last name?”

“Yes”

“Novella Scribble”

“Please don’t say my name”

“How come? How the fuck else am I supposed to talk to you?”

“I don’t know, sounds like you shouldn’t”

I had expected her rude sassy behavior but, at this point I began to get annoyed. “I like joking around and being mean to each other and all but, your being a complete ass. At least work with me a little”

She glances back at me and with a sigh and gives in some. “Call me Novella or Vel… or whatever you want I honestly don’t care”

“Thank you… Vel. Ugh, actually I don’t like the way that sounds” She stops and frowns, stomping on my foot in response. “YOWCH! What the fuck!”

“You said you don’t like the way my name sounds!”

“Your fucking little nickname you prick! Argh, fuck! That really hurt you know!”

There’s definitely some regret in her eyes but, more pride then anything. “T-then maybe don’t make fun of my name”

“Yeah okay… fucking won’t do that again” I list off a bunch of swears bitterly as she continues to lead the way. After a few more steps I faintly whisper to myself not trying to be heard. “Regretting this already…fuckin waste of time” I swear she flinches for a moment but, it could just be my imagination.

Somewhere along the fourth floor, we come to a pause. “This is your room. It’s normally reserved for foreign diplomats but, given your close relationship with the princess she’s labeled it as your own for your stay”

Looking like any other door we’ve passed, Novella opens it wide and steps to side holding it open for me. Surprised at the gesture I almost forget she’s supposed to be my maid. Inside, the room finds itself on multiple levels of elevation. Where the bed rests on the left is the highest point. Resting atop its wooden frame lays my luggage, Luna must’ve brought it here herself. One level or one step below that would be a entrance to a bathroom and a office table near the windows. The table looked like a good spot for Novella to write her novel. The third and lowest level would be the one you walk in on, one that leads outside to a balcony separated only by a glass door and floor level windows. I don’t even realize the large bookshelf along the entrance wall until I turn around, it’s shape moving over the doorway.

“Wow, this is nice”

I’m so distracted I don’t even notice Novella digging through a pile of mail near the door. “Are these things for writing my story?”

Sure enough, digging through them myself, they are indeed several types of materials for writing a book. There’s even some letters addressed to me. Letters addressed from Pinkie.

“Oh shit…”

Inspecting the feather on a quill she takes notice of my worry, “Who’s that from”

“None of your business” I rush over to the desk with an ink and quill from the pile, ready to write a reply as soon as I finish reading.

She had written to me five times since my arrival, each addressed to Mr. Marshall in a pink envelope. Given the timeframe, I bet she wrote every letter in the same day. I peel open the first reading it over. It’s not much, just Pinkie telling me how much she loves me and to be safe. The next two are similar. The fourth letter, seems to carry a hint of worry given my lack of reply and the fifth one… the fifth one tells me she’s not doing well. It’s filled with all sorts of panicked worrying and obsession over my lack of reply. She must be acting like she did when Rainbow left. I dip the quill and pause realizing I’m writing a regular letter for some odd reason.

What the fuck am I doing? I have that parchment

Stepping over to my bag I grab it and sit back down at the table. Frantically I write to Pinkie about my stay, explaining that everything was okay and that I just got to her letters. At the end I leave a little heart and address it properly. Once sent I immediately begin writing another.

Rainbow

Do you mind staying with Pinkie at my place while I’m gone? I’m worried about her and I know you stay with Shy in the winter so it’s not like it’s something your unaccustomed to. If you can’t please ask the rest of the girls if they can for me, I’m sure you all are already looking out for her. Also my trip so far has been great and I have something cool I learned about that I need to tell you when I get back. Something that makes being a pegasus like twenty percent more cooler. Anyways if you can stay at my house I’ll owe you big time, whatever you want.

Thank you,
Joey

Addressing that one as well, I send it on its way. Laying my head on the table I let out a large exhale.

“What was that all about? Hurrying to send a letter to your wife that your ‘business’ trip is going well?”

“My marefriend. She has terrible anxiety”

“Oh” Her realization leads to a painful silence. “Sorry” Pulling my head up I almost don’t believe my ears. “What? It’s not like I’m heartless”

“It’s just surprising to hear that from you. We haven’t even know each other for longer then two days and that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me”

“You’re not much of a nice pony yourself you know”

“Tough to be when I’m constantly berated. Anyways we’re not getting anywhere poking holes at each other so let me clarify the purpose of your job. I felt bad for you. It seemed like you hated your job and it seemed like you just needed a little help to get your life back on track. So in a way I’m helping you get this whole writing lifestyle of yours started so that you can both help me around the castle and help me feel a little normalcy for once”

“Two questions. One, I don’t believe that’s the actually reason so I’d like you to try again. Two, what do you mean normalcy?”

“That is the truth, and as for the second question I kinda already explained this the first time we met. Your horrible attitude is closer to human than any other pony I’ve met. At times it’s almost refreshing… almost. You’re still kind of an ass”

“So are you ever going to tell me the real reason or are you just too much of a pussy? I bet it’s something really weird like you get off to mares making fun of you. That or really sad crap like mommy issues”

“How about this, you make me not regret this whole idea by the end and I’ll tell you the real reason before I go home”

“Yep totally knew you were lying and deal. Honestly I didn’t really care but, I knew if I acted like I did you might tell me”

“Wow yeah deals off”

“What?! No, you can’t do that! I said deal already!”

“We never shook on it!”

“Since when was that a part of the deal?!”

“Since when did you care the reason?” She taps her foot in anger.

“Fine, I’m willing to admit I’m slightly curious… but nothing more. It’s kind of like that feeling when you wonder what made a noise but, you’re too lazy to look. That kind of curious”

“Uh huh”

“Ugh, buck you and get out of that chair, I want to start my writing”

I scoop up most of my shit and toss it in on the bed. Novella takes her place at the desk and I start to unpack. Most of my luggage would be clothes and my parchment but, there was another thing necessary for my trip. I had a bottle of the prescription sleeping medication from when I slept with my collar on. If I was going to stay here long term, it was likely there would be moments where I needed it on. Now that I think about it, I haven’t taken my collar off since arriving here. With a glance to Novella it’s a wonder she hasn’t already made fun of me for it.

“Hey how come you never joked about my collar?”

“Eh, felt too easy” she scribbles away into her paper, occasionally dipping for more ink. “If I was looking to really offend you I would bother with your appearance. I mean look at you, you have a collar, weird scaring, let’s not forget the fact you look like a weird hairless pony”

“That’s fair”

“Yep” she makes sure to really pop the p.

I sprawl across the bed and lay in silence. Doesn’t take long before I’m bored. “So whatcha writing about?”

“Stuff”

“You know I thought of a good nickname for you. Grey”

“Grey?”

“Yeah, it’s like the perfect color to describe your personality. Dull, inconsiderate, emotionless”

“And here I just thought you named me after my coat color. Look at you proving me wrong, maybe I’ll get you a box of crayons so you can point out which color is my mane next”

“So mean…”

Leaping out of bed I walk over to the bookshelf and scan for a couple minutes at anything that could be interesting. There’s a book that catches my eye, one on the differences of magic types and what they mean. Thinking it might help me come to a revelation I flip it open for a read. Not even two pages deep I put it back.

“So dry, ugh” maybe Twilight has a book she can suggest to me.

Taking my parchment I write her a small letter asking for a recommendation. Not even 5 minutes pass before I’m sent one back.

Sorry, too busy right now with a task Celestia gave me. I’ll try and find one when I have free time

Love, Twilight

“Shit”

“What is that weird scroll thing you keep looking at?” I realize she’s pointing at the parchment.

“It’s a gift Luna gave me. I can use it to write to anypony anywhere, all I have to do is address it to them”

“That’s actually amazing. Can I use it?”

“Thought you had a novel to write”

Standing up she walks over to me, “Well yeah until you told me what that is. Come on, I have some ponies I need to write to, it’s really important!”

“Your fillies?”

“Yeah… them” her response comes off a little awkward as if there’s more she wanted to say.

“Something wrong or…?”

“N-no! It’s just I… haven’t seen them in a while and I’d love to send them a letter to let them know I’m okay”

Taking a look over this mare I start to question a lot about what she’s said. “How old are you?”

“Huh? What?”

“How. Old. Are you?”

Face scrunched she answers confused, “24?”

“And you said you have fillies as in plural?”

“Are you doubting me?”

“Yeah, I am. You seemed way too young to have fillies and the way you act when I mention them is beyond strange”

“What gives you the right to decide if I’m too young!? You’re just a stuck up aristocrat that thinks he can play hero for every mare with an issue! News flash pal, I’ve seen it all before so shut up and don’t ever bring up my fillies again!”

I’m so caught off guard by her anger that I nearly fall off the bed. With a stomp and a huff she trots over the door and leaves with a slam. Novella’s outburst has me stunned yet there’s something that still bothers me about the situation. How come my question riled her up so much? She was hiding something but, I wouldn’t be able to figure it out any time soon.

“*sigh* Guess I’ll go and see Lulu. Maybe she knows something about it”

Checking both directions from the door I decide to try my luck without any help. I still had the parchment on hand in case I got lost but, I’d like to be self dependent when I can help it. And self dependent I would prove not to be with an entire hour passing without any luck. At the very least I had found my way to the ‘top’ floor, still attempting to take note of my surroundings. Sure it felt pointless to even try and sure I was lost but, I wouldn’t just give up like that.

“Hey do you know how to get to princess Luna’s room?”

“I am not allowed to disclose such information” the guard robotically responds.

“Look I already know about the secret stairway and that shit so just tell me the way there”

“I am not allowed to disclose such information”

“… you really suck”

“That means I’m doing my job right”

“Insufferable, ignorant…”

“Joey?” A large shadow casts behind me. With a quick turn I see none other than Celly herself.

“Yo what’s up?”

Her head tilts for a second until she decides to ignore my strange greeting all together, “What brings you so close to the observatory?”

“Just… curious about stars and stuff ya know? Heheh”

“Joey are you lost?”

“Yes please help me”

Rolling her eyes she pats me with a wing guiding me to follow, “Looking for Luna?” I nod with a childlike teary expression. “Okay let’s get you there”

I wipe away the imaginary tears, “Thank you princess Celestia. I would’ve let my pride kill me before I asked for help”

“Were you not just asking my guard for directions?”

“… as I was saying, thank you”

She dismisses my thanks with a hoof, “Please, this is barely a trouble” with the proximity I notice her tired expression, dark circles surrounding her eyes.

“Tired?”

“Very much so. I still haven’t found rest since we’ve last spoke and I was actually heading to bed now”

“Perfect! I was worried I might be a hassle”

“Unlikely. Either way it’s best I get to know you seeing how you’re courting my sister. Consider this a little bonding time”

If I was drinking water I would’ve spit it. “Wow I.. I totally didn’t even think about that”

“It’s best you start to. If we are to find ourselves together more often, then it would be helpful to know each other. Prince Marshall” the last part she adds with a giggle.

The sentence alone makes me go pale, “Please don’t call me that”

“But it is entertaining to see you change colors like that so quickly! Why if I didn’t know any better I would mistake you for a chameleon”

“How would you feel if I called you queen Celestia?”

“Hm, lukewarm”

“What if I said I’d stop calling you Celly?”

Her head spins faster then I can register, “You only just began!”

“Promise me you won’t call me that again”

She lets out a disappointed sigh, “Fine, I promise… but what about king?”

By the time we’ve reached Luna’s room, our shouts can be heard down the entire floor. “-and you should be called such accordingly!”

“That doesn’t even make any sense!”

“I shall explain it another time. Here, my sisters room”

“Thanks, I’ll ask her about it as well when-“ Celly stops me with a hoof.

“Joey? There’s something I must ask of you”

“Yeah?”

“If you and my sister become… adventurous, I ask of you to slow things down or perhaps settle for taking your time. My sister hasn’t had a suitor in over a thousand years I worry she’s become attached to you given her pain. I don’t mean to make it seem like the love you two feel for each other isn’t real but, I still worry. I trust you understand”

“You’re worried about your sister, I get it” I take a moment to meet her eyes, “I promise I’ll be careful with her”

“Please… it’s my fault in the end she feels such pain. If I could go back I wou-“

“Celly it’s okay, I got this” I move over to the door and take one last glance back. “And if it gives you any clarity, she doesn’t blame you for what happened”

Celestia gave a small smile and a nod in response, not wanting to talk more about the subject. She was okay with just a wave and putting her trust into a newly found friend. Although he was strange, she could tell he carried a good heart.

*knock* *knock* *knock*

The door opens and I’m met with a very surprised looking Luna. She donned a small pair of reading glasses resting near the end of her nose and her mane was kept tight up into a bun. Whatever hairs that were missed were in messy strings spiraling across her forehead.

“We didn’t expect to see you again so soon” taking a look over herself in the nearby mirror she frowns. “And to see us again so messy”

“Oh stop” I say walking past her into the room. “You know I like it when you look natural. Speaking of things I like l, your hair, it looks cute”

“W-we.. I.. err, thank you. It isn’t often I style it this way”

“I like it, you should mix up you hair more often. I’d love to see all the ways you could”

It’s clear she isn’t use to getting complimented, blushing up heavily by my words. “W-we will t-try to satisfy thou’s desires”

“Thanks! How’s the reading going?” I sit up on her bed with my legs hanging off the side.

Composing herself, Luna removes her glasses and places them upon the book. “Uneventful” with a poof the bed beside me raises at the added weight. “Much to our surprise”

“Is that sarcasm?”

“Regretfully”

Smiling I decide to be her joy for the moment. With a scratch behind the ears I pull her head into my lap. “Let’s call it a day for helping Joey time, you’ve done plenty enough. We checked out a lead, found a potential new one and I even got to write some of my story. I’d say it was a good day… night”

“But we have not found even a shred of a solution! How could you be so content? At the rate which we toil, I am to send you home without a purpose of this stay!”

“There’s plenty of purpose for me coming here what are you talking about?”

“Do not say visiting us is worthy of an excuse”

“Why? Cause you know it is?”

“Because I know it is not. We are not deserving of such privilege! Would you stay with a friend for an extended period such as this one just to sway their lonesome nights?”

“But you’re more then a friend Luna”

“Yes we.. we understand we are your marefriend however, I am not the first choice. There is another who your obligation falls to first, then us”

“Luna we already agreed that even if things don’t change with this trip then it still would’ve been worth it. I like spending time with you and I’m willing to court you even with the risk so why can’t you understand that, that’s enough for me”

“But we-“

“No buts! The only pony who’s opinion should matter on this is mine and if I feel like it’s okay, it’s okay. Believe me I’ve been in your shoes before and I did the same thing”

“Does thou mean ‘in your hooves’?”

“Yeah, same thing. I kept thinking that I’d bother everypony by telling them about my issues so I assumed it was best if I stayed quiet. I didn’t ask if it was okay with them, I didn’t even really think about how they might feel… I just thought I knew what was right”

Eyes still ridden with guilt Luna peered up to me for confirmation, “Thou really means it when they say they are okay?”

“Yes, I really mean it so don’t stress out about it”

“We still can’t help but, feel as if you hide your true emotions to spare us”

“Then do me a favor and trust me. Please”

Reaching up she places a hoof to my cheek, “I shall trust you but, allow us this. For thou’s stay you must let us work without restraint until we find a cure”

“No way! I want to spend time with you while I’m here and I’d rather you not be all exhausted and stressed out! Luna I really mean it when I say it’s okay so can we agree to enjoy each other’s company while we have the chance?”

“You place us in an impossible situation to argue” closing her eyes she lays sideways letting me scratch her to sleep. “You win for now”

“Thank you” I can relax a little knowing she agreed for the time being. Let’s just hope we don’t have to have this conversation again in a month if things don’t go well.

Our time spent together for the rest of the night seems to fade away. Somewhere between a purplish navy mixed blur, I find myself laying under the covers of Luna’s bed, her hooves wrapping me in warmth. Tucked below my chin she rest her head, the her horn braced against my chin. It’s large size makes me wonder if anypony has ever died in some sort of cuddling impalement before. I did know one thing for sure though, I wasn’t going to let me be the first.

I caress her mane, listening to the light hums of her enjoyment. Talk about good for the soul, I felt like I was in heaven. Everything was perfect. Her soft mane, the incredible luxury mattress, an overwhelming smell of blackberries. Felt as if I was only a step away from being comatose.

Luna greedily slipped a hoof under my shirt as to steal my warmth, “Such soft skin. For having so little protection against the elements we would not have imagined this level of smoothness”

A hoof feels a little weird in comparison to a human hand but, it wasn’t something I never experienced before. Pinkie was known for her late night assaults against my shirt, always wanting as much skin as she can have. It was okay given her fit under my criteria. Only ponies that I knew close and only ponies that I had given permission, anything else brought extreme discomfort.

“You wouldn’t believe this but the spots I have with weird lightning scars are pretty smooth too. Haven’t faded much though”

“I find your scars dashing, a show of your heroic character”

“Heh, I always saw them as a punishment for being stupid”

“Thou’s punishment, our treat”

“Tamata tomato”

She lifts her head quizzically, “What?”

Just then the door to Luna’s room opens slowly to an unexpected maid mare, Novella Scribble. “Princess Luna I-… “ slowly her face begins to heat up to the point I can visually imagine steam leaving her ears.

Luna and I stare at each other then back to Novella, sharing the same hot color across our own mugs. “Miss Novella”, still standing there with mouth wide open, she nods her head. “We would find it in eveyponies best interest if the sight you currently see stayed between the ponies within this room. Do we make ourselves clear?” She nods again before fainting onto the floor.

“…”

“Fuck”

“Fuck indeed”

25 No Pony is Perfect

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Under the starlight the moons glow cascades me in an ivory shine. I sigh, sitting out on my rooms balcony reading through a copy of Quantum’s journal. Frustrated at the lack of discovery I impatiently stand up and head back inside, beginning to pace the room.

This has become unbearably slow. It’s been over a week and we still have nothing to show for it! Not the trip to the morgue, not reading these stupid journals! I need something more, something out of the box

“If you keep pacing like that I’m going to scream”

“If you keep pacing like that, leave me alone you wouldn’t understand”

Rolling her eyes she goes back to her writing. “Guess I’ll just have to share this juicy rumor I heard about princess Luna and the weird human stallion staying at the castle…”

“You already promised you wouldn’t, don’t be stupid”

“I’ve been told I’m pretty stupid before so it wouldn’t be a surprise”

“Novella do you even understand-“

“Ah ah ah, what’s my name again?”

Thought gritted teeth I reply, “Im not calling you that”

A disgustingly large grin grows on her face, “But you must”

“How about this, I’ll call you Novy. How’s that? It’s a nice nickname, it’s not degrading…”

“I don’t like it”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t!”

Pinching the bridge of my nose I sit down on a chair next to the desk. “You know at some point you’re going to have to tell me an actual reason instead yelling at me”

“Actually I won’t”

“What if I asked Luna?”

Placing the quill back in its ink, she stares at me with an angry scowl, “My story is not your business”

“It kind of is cause every time anything gets slightly inconvenient you yell at me and leave. Don’t you want to finish your fuckin book? Guess what, you can’t do that unless you’re in my room and Luna thinks I'm writing the story so I have to be here too!” I stand up almost ready to leave. “If we can’t even talk for more then five minutes without an issue then what do you want me to do huh? Sit here in silence?”

“That’d be nice”

“Yeah it sure would, wouldn’t it?” I shake my head at a breaking point. She had been rude the entire week up to this point, more so since the incident. Whatever reason it was beyond frustrating at this point. This was the last straw, I was done being nice. “Everypony has problems, stop acting like a filly and grow up”

Slamming her hooves on the desk her eyes glare to me with a sudden rage, “Oh yeah?! What would you know about anyponies problems silverspoon? You’ve probably had it since day one! Oh what wine should we use for the banquet? Does this suit make my ass look big? Buck you! You don’t have a clue what a real struggle is!”

Within me I feel something snap. Standing tall I walk over slowly, “I don’t have a clue what a real struggle is? Do you even have a clue what I’ve been through? Do you even fucking know half the shit I’ve done?! I’m not born from some royalty Scribble, I’m born from another fucking world! I came here lost and alone, told there was no way back on day one! Do you know how many people I left behind? How many people think I’m dead?!? It eats at me every fucking time I even think about my past to the point where I can’t even discuss it! Then I come to this fucking new world that’s supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows and you know what happens next? I get fucking raped! Violated! Abused! Spent over a month trying to get over that, not before I tried to kill myself of course. Oh and did I forget to mention the collar?!” I grab at it pulling violently against my neck.

“Let’s not forget about the fact I have some weird magic illness that kills anypony I get close to unless I wear this highly fashionable sex collar! Fucking embarrassed the shit out of myself every day until the shame became something I don’t even feel anymore. Then it turns out the pony that raped me had a weird rape family and fucking abducted me into their creepy cellar. Guess how I got out of that one? I bet the news didn’t say anything about what really happened Novella! Please take a guess”

By now I’d backed her into the corner leaving her scared and shocked. My aggressive stature leaving her too stunned to speak. “I… uh…”

“I killed them, I had too” the memory causes me to back away with a lump in my throat. “I still have nightmares about that day, about what I saw. About the smell… oh god the fucking smell” a tinge of copper meets tongue. I have to lean against the wall just to keep my balance. “And then even after all that I try to be a nice guy and help you out but, you were right. I didn’t do it just for you, I did it because I was afraid I would be lonely. Because the pony I love most is back in Ponyville while I’m on this trip and I can’t bother Luna all day so I have to be alone sometimes. It’s pathetic I know but, it’s my worst fucking fear”

By the end of my rant, my voice is nearly a whisper, “So what possibly could have happened to you that would make you unable to even talk about it?”

Still shocked, she takes a few steps from the corner and sits along the wall with me, eyes never moving from me. “I… I didn’t know… I’m sorry. I thought…” rubbing her foreleg she seems uncertain about the next move.

I meanwhile was exhausted, completely out of patience and out of time. Novella’s continued silence was all the answer I needed so I left the room. Honestly I half expected her to stop me but, I guess she was still too shocked to talk. Maybe she’ll tell other ponies what I said or maybe she’ll quit her job, I didn’t care at this point. All I wanted was to see Luna.

Unaware of any issue, Luna had just finished up her night court and was expecting a day off from either working on my case or spending time with me. She hadn’t even planned anything with her sister, deciding today would be a perfect spa day.

Humming a song I’d recently taught her, she found her way back to her room briefly as to put away her attire. Couldn’t afford to damage any of her expensive regalia, it’s worth more then most ponies livelihoods. It’s not like she enjoyed the flashy wear rather, she felt it was necessary as a sign of the country’s wealth. That and her sister deemed it mandatory after her first return to night court. How was she supposed to know wearing battle garb was considered unprofessional during these times? In her eyes the regalia seemed ridiculous, a disconnect between the common pony and nobility. It was a discussion for another time, one with her sister and a few glasses of wine.

Unfortunately for Luna her spa day would seem to be in jeopardy, a few knocks on her door at this hour only meaning a few possible things. Trotting over to answer she pondered over the possibilities. To her surprise it was the least expected, an emotional looking human clearly in distress.

“What has happened? Were you not with miss Novella working on your novel?” Without responding I fall to my knees hugging Luna weakly, needing the touch. Reflexively she protects me with her wings, wrapping me in a double layered hug. “Joey? Are thou okay?”

“I did a bad”

“Hm?”

“I snapped Luna, I snapped at Novella”

“Well it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she received a scolding, the mare can be very impertinent-“

“No Luna, I mean I really snapped”

“How bad?”

“Like spewed my guts out, tell my whole life story kinda bad. No details left out”

“Oh…” she took a moment to process what I had said, stroking my back with a hoof in a desperate attempt to calm me. “I’m sure she will be fine”

“Am I pathetic?” I have to separate myself to see Luna’s genuine response.

“No, what makes you ask that? Was it something she said or…?”

“Because I do stupid shit for stupid reasons. Like I… Luna I gotta be honest, the only reason I have Novella has a maid is to keep my company so I don’t bother you all the time”

“You do not bother us Joey, you know this. Do not be swayed by such nonsensical thoughts. We understand the fear for becoming… overbearing? I’m not sure the word for it but, we understand where you come from. It is a fear of ours as well, to be a burden on our sister. We had only her to rely on and no friends otherwise making our choices limited on who to spend time with. But, as I worry of her patience with us, I still understand she is still our sister and would be willing to spend time with us whenever. Perhaps understanding my love for thou is undying could help weigh down on such worries”

“You’re not mad I didn’t tell you the truth? The whole truth at least”

Giggling she boops my nose with her own, “Neigh, how could we find anger in such a cute admittance. Why if thou was just worried about being lonely then you should have just said so, our room is always available to you and my ear as well”

“But.. isn’t it kinda pathetic? That I was afraid enough of being alone that I would have you get me my own private maid?”

“Better then the reason we feared”

“What’s that?”

“I had her figured to have caught thine’s eye, she is but a minor you know”

“Wait what? She has fillies, as in plural!”

“Wha-.. HA! We should have cleared that up for thou. She has carried no foal, she refers to her siblings as such. Maybe it would be better if we explained her past given the reluctance”

“Please because it feels like every time I say something that makes her uncomfortable she just yells at me and runs away. I wanted for her to tell me herself but, she’s so fuckin stubborn!”

“You must be patient with her, as my sister was with me”

“Lu she sent you to the moon”

“Not after years of persistent blow ups! We were unstable and stubborn, dangerous with power. Had she not done what was necessary, I can only wonder the damage we would have done”

“I think a better example would be myself honestly. I might still be stubborn and stupid but, I can admit I’ve gotten a lot better”

“Yes, it would have taken nothing short of a disaster for thou to admit the same lie but a few months ago”

“A disaster? I wasn’t that bad was I? Okay please stop staring at me like that”

Putting away her judgement face she leads me over to the bed to discuss Novella’s story. “If we are to explain everything it would be best I started with how we met. This was around the time of our return, less then a month had passed. Celly wanted us to be seen in a better light with the public and in wanting such scheduled us for several public relations type meetings. One in particular would be the first meeting between myself and miss Scribble. You see, she was an orphan, born to have never know her father and left by her mother. The one thing she could be certain of is that the other two fillies with her were of her own blood. As the oldest of three, she took it upon herself to protect them as if they were her own foals, keeping them from any adoption in order to avoid family separation. Selfishly she might not have understood at the time she was taking away any opportunities of her sisters living normal lives, too young to understand their predicament”

“Are her siblings still living in that orphanage or..?”

“One I believe is still there while the other has found a home with a lovey couple in Manehattan”

“So why didn’t her other sister become a maid like Novy?”

“We shall explain. Once we met, she told me of most her story, explaining her issue in a hope I could in some way be a help. We felt the pain she endured as she spoke and knew we must do something so in response I asked for miss Scribble to be our own personal maid at the palace. She would be given training and taught up like any other worker only much younger and more as an assistant at first. The problem however, was her younger sisters ages. I am no baby sitter nor does the palace generally fund for one so the issue became present immediately. We made it clear if she were to come with us then her sister would be left behind but, I made promise I would personally see to it that the families looking to adopt them were suitable. Her younger sisters pushed for her to find purpose outside of watching them, so she came with us”

“How old is Novy then?”

“She is nineteen, a couple years from maturity. Any younger and she too would be unable to work as a maid”

“Wait, so how come she isn’t your personal maid? I thought you said she came here to be yours?”

“She was, only I would not need her presence always. At times she would need to be useful attending others. That was at least until thou asked for her in specific”

“Wow, so maybe that’s why she’s all pissy with me, cause I took her away from you”

“Perhaps that might be one of the many reasons. Another is she seems to have a heavy distain for stallions given her hatred for her father. It’s misplaced and misguided only she refuses to believe us when we say”

“Yikes, count me for two strikes before I even got up to the plate”

“There is also an inkling we have on why she might be so brash at times”

“Cause it seems like she’s never had anypony to trust besides you her entire life?”

“I fear she hates herself for leaving her sisters even if it was their desire”

“I don’t blame her, I hate myself all the time for reasons less then that”

“Ourself as well”, She seems bothered by her words but continues, “It is easy to seek perfection with our lives even if it is found nowhere. Even our sister falls victim at times. Either way, that is the origin of her plight. Use this information as you will and may I suggest one thing? Do not tell her you know, let her tell you herself”

“Trust me I wouldn’t tell her, I just wanted to avoid any more arguments between us. It was getting unbearable”

“We can tell” she chuckles while playing with my hair. “We hope you two can become friends by the end, it would make us very happy”

“Long as she can hold up her end of the bargain”

“What is it that she gets out of this anyways? I never would have expected her to be so willing at first”

“You know how she’s supposed to be helping me write my book, she’s actually writing her own. I told her if I said it was mine that I could convince you to help get it to the public so she can become an author like she wants”

“Using our own love for personal gain? So devious”

“You’ll still help her get it public will you?”

“Is that what you desire?”

“Please. After hearing her story it kinda strengthened my resolve”

“Then it shall be done” giddily she can’t help but bounce up and down. “Oh we are excited! I truly believe this whole thing will be beneficial for you both!”

“Speaking of beneficial, I’m not gonna lie Lu, you’ve been pretty good tonight with your speaking”

“Have we really? I never noticed”

“Keep it up and maybe we can move on to contractions”

“How would birthing canal movements benefit our linguistic skills?”

“Jesus Luna”

“What? We are confused”

After a little cuddle session and some english lessons, Luna explained to me her plan for the night and honestly, it sounded like a pretty good time. I’ve never been to a spa before but, I know they all usually have one thing. A masseur/masseuse. I didn’t really care the gender, I just wanted the massage.

In pursuit of relaxation I followed the lovey moon mare the entire way without much banter. I was tired, not feeling very chatty and Luna took notice.

“Tis not like you to say so silent”

“Tired”

“Then this experience will be even better! Nothing beats a trip to spa after a long shift, specially a shift like tonight”

“What happened?”

“Prince Blueblood”

“Prince Blueblood? Who the fucks that?”

“A cousin of Cadance and a distant nephew of our sister and I. Consider yourself blessed to have not met him already”

“That bad?” Widening her eyes and nodding it appears, it’s that bad.

“So he showed up and bothered you?”

Before answering my question we arrive upon a set of majestic silk curtains displayed over a large opening. Doorless, the entrance did lead to a curtained off locker room or that was my guess at least. She led me through both door ways and into the dressing room, it’s appearance that of a large closet in some ways. Several stitched bins of some sort of soft rope like material surrounded the walls leaving multiple places for me to leave my wear. Embarrassed I have to ask the question.

“Luna do I have to go in naked?”

“Huh? Oh tartus we forgot! I am sorry Joey, we did not remember thou’s issue with clothing. Should I ask for a towel to cover yourself?”

“Please” heavily flushed I hate to be that guy but, I still have human principles. I wouldn’t be able to get over issues like this anytime soon, maybe ever. Returning shortly with a towel she gives me an apologetic look.

“We truly are sorry”

“It’s fine Lu, thank you for the towel”

Curious, she edges closer to me in a whisper, “Is it because of the lack of hair that you need it?”

“Luna I don’t… I don’t have a way to hide my… my stuff”

“Your genitalia?”

“God that word sounds gross”

“Surely it can’t be that embarrassing? What, do all humans wear clothing when they swim as well?”

“Yeah”

Dumbfounded her mouth remains aghast, “What?! Then when do you disrobe? Ever?”

“Usually during really private moments Luna”

“Like bathing alone?”

“Like bathing alone or… when having sex. We don’t get naked often”

“I see.. so in exposing yourself thou might feel as if the situation is more intimate then actuality?”

“More like I’d die from embarrassment”

“Has miss Pie seen you in your entirety?”

“Jesus Luna boundaries!”

She has to hold back her laughter, cracking under the urge. “Thou are so easy to rile! Relax, we are here to enjoy this moment”

“I’d like to. Back on earth we had things like this as well but, I never went. Always wanted to though. Probably would’ve been called gay though”

“It is homosexual to enjoy the spa?”

“No it’s… it’s complicated, maybe I’ll explain what I mean later”

“Please do, your culture seems awfully intriguing”

“Not as much as yours”

“We would beg to differ”

I had almost completely undressed at this point leaving nothing but my briefs on while Luna still stood there unaware of my discomfort.

“Um, would you mind looking away or something?”

Confused she obliges, “Thou makes such a large deal about being seen unclothed. It seems like too much trouble to be worth the hassle”

“Think of it this way, my body’s like a present for you to open when I feel comfortable enough to show you”

“Do you not trust us?”

“I trust you it’s just… it’s more complicated then you’re making it seem! I like you Luna and I really do trust you but, we only started seriously dating less then a month ago. Most human relationships avoid any sort of… private shit like that for way longer then that. Most heathy relationships I should add”

“That does not sound any different then Equestrian culture however, we find it taboo to wear certain clothing in public that you might find regular. Like those inappropriate socks you insist on publicly displaying”

“Again with the socks, you know Pinkie likes seeing me in them”

“Because she is of a perverted mind!”

“Eeehhh, yeah you got me there”

“We will agree that there are cultural differences between us and as long as we make them public to one another, we can avoid any possible issue. So if it is uncomfortable for us to see thou naked, I shall respect your feelings on the matter”

“Thank you”

“But you must cover those socks when possible, we can hardly hide our blush as times!”

Entering deeper into another set of curtain doors, Luna and I found ourselves laying parallel on matching massage tables. The room was steamy and dim, a strong scent of incense filling my nostrils. Besides the massage tables in the room’s center, a small cabinet filled with assorted candles, towels, and oils rest against the far wall. Near it rest a decorative fountain, it’s flowing water leaving the room with a tranquil and oddly pleasing sound. It was layered, coming from the next room beyond as well. I could only assume there was a large bath or some sort of sauna.

Our wait isn’t long, two mares with matching white fur enter, taking their places beside us both. I lay flat down making me feel slightly vulnerable but, I wouldn’t let my nerves ruin this for Luna. Time to suck it like a big boy.

While we are on the topic of big boys, did I fail to mention I was almost too large for the masseuse? There was such a large discrepancy between us in fact that she had to practically stand atop of me just to reach most my back. Apologizing profusely as she worked, I remained mostly silent beside the occasional ‘that’s fine’ or ‘I’m okay’. Although a little heavier then I would’ve liked, the mare does a pretty good job grinding into the nooks and crannies of my back. Only after a few painful starting minutes does the experience begin to reward, leaving me with an urge to close my eyes and wish sleep.

Filled with pleasured grunts, the mare beside me seems to have reached the same conclusion as I. A peaceful bliss, surrounded by a ocean of pleasantries. Luna was the first to speak.

“Are thou enjoying this as much as I?”

“Yeah… it’s surprisingly… I guess I shouldn’t say surprisingly given the whole poin- oooh that was good” the sudden push against my lower back interrupts my thoughts.

“Wonderful! It is not often we get to do this let alone with our Co- *ahem*, friend” I catch her slip up and brush it off. The whole experience likely has her too distracted to even notice the company, even if they’re hoof deep into her back.

“We’ll have to do this again before I go”

“Mmm yes, we should”

With all the laying around and relaxation, my mind can’t help but wander, creating a question I must have answered. One that would have to wait given the other two present.

“Luna could you remind me after this there was something I wanted to ask you?”

“Of course, is it something that needs addressing soon?”

“Yes, it’s about one of the reasons I’m here actually”

“We will absolutely remind you after this”

Then as sudden as our conversation ends, the weight above me is lifted. Stepping down from a stool close by she is followed by her familiar leaving me and Luna alone.

“Uh should I ask you now?”

“Neigh, wait a moment for their return. They will provide us both… they will provide me with a towel for the bath”

Looking down to my towel I huff, “And you made fun of me for wearing it”

“Hah, yes! Thou still looked ridiculous wearing that during a massage!” She laughs, “At least you have ridden yourself of those socks. We could not have stayed if you had not removed them, the second hoof embarrassment would be impalpable”

“Stop being such a drama queen or I’ll start wearing them over my hands too”

Her voice is full of skepticism, “Thou would not dare”

“Try me”

One of the white mares sneaks between us holding a towel over her back, “Your majesty”

Taking it with her magic she drapes the cloth around her in an odd fashion. Although weird it’s the only way she could cover herself when I give it thought. Wrapped around her lower half it strangely holds tight around without falling off.

“Thank you both for the pleasure! We are both sure to return soon”

“The pleasure is all ours princess”

Smiling brightly Luna takes a second to conjure some sort of spell blinding the room with a light flash. In replace of the sudden light, a bottle of exotic wine hovers over to the masseuse.

“Consider this a bonus for your ability to impress us each visit. Share with your sister as well, I’m sure she is just as deserving” Luna finishes looking to me.

I answer quickly once I realize she’s asking me a question, “She was really good! This whole experience was awesome”

“Thank you, and thank you princess! I’ll be sure to let her know you enjoyed. You two have a wonderful time with the bath!”

“Tis our favorite part. Come Joey, this way”

As we pass I give a small wave and smile letting her know I was actually rather pleased. I hadn’t felt this refreshed in a long time. Just following Luna became a task on its own, my legs feeling rubbery from the massage.

“Wow that mare really worked my ass”

“W-what?! Did she sexually assault thou?”

“Huh? No! What are yo- oh…. HA! Luna I meant she worked me pretty good. She didn’t touch my ass”

“Why say it in that way then?! Mercy! About gave us an anxiety attack!”

Chuckling I scratch her behind the ear briefly, “Heh heh, silly Lulu”

“Anypony would have had that misconception!”

“Maybe, but nopony would have looked as funny as you just did. You should’ve seen the look on your face”

Pouting she flips her mane to knock away my hand, “’Twas a fair mistake”

Reaching the end of our steamy marble hall, Luna and I come across the source of the running water. Within a large room filled with various wooden screens, a large bath rests in the center, several detours splitting around its edges. These detours were pockets of elevated seating beneath the water, private areas for groups who otherwise wished to avoid others. Privacy still wasn’t a given however, as the screens themselves carried several hexagonal holes in their faces. All in all they were they more for aesthetic then for purpose. Along the walls remained the marble walkway, to and from the many exits and entrances. There were bathrooms, another set of locker rooms and even a bar which currently rests untended. The whole room was painted white yet the dim lighting made things much easier on the eyes, that and the occasional break from white pillars created from many elegantly painted wall murals. It was a hell of a sight and even through the hazy steam filled room, I could still tell we were the only ones here.

“I’ve never been in a public bath before but this… this is amazing”

“We thought the same our first time back. This is much more impressive then the one we had before. While I might find my artistic touch with the morgue, our sister always found pleasure in creating the perfect bathhouse. Currently this is her most prized possession”

“I can tell” I say glancing over a similar piece of artwork. It’s appearance reminds me of my question from earlier. “I almost forgot, I have this question I wanted to ask you”

“First let us enjoy the waters for a moment before getting into any serious conversation. It is easiest to think when we are at our coziest”

I don’t argue, stepping into the water without hesitation. It’s hot, like break a sweat hot. Even at its massive size it still carries such a heat! Without thinking I take off my towel and use it for a head rest once I sit down. Behind me Luna is quick to look away once she realizes what I’m doing, still trying to keep my privacy. When I look back I see she’s put her own towel around her head, her horn still protruding from the front. Her face is heavily flushed as well.

“Water too hot?”

“S-something like that”

“… did you…”

“We looked away as fast as we could”

“*sigh* sorry” not wanting to sit there in a pool of our own embarrassment, I begin to ask my question. “You know how Celestia wanted to reform Discord and all that? I was just curious on how all that went cause I haven’t gotten a letter from Pinkie in like three days and that might as well be three years when talking about Pinkie”

“Ah yes, I believe that should have been decided whether or not to be considered a failure by now. Should I ask for our sisters report on the matter?”

“If it isn’t too much. I tried asking Twilight in a letter the other day but, she said she was still really busy. I didn’t want to bother the girls if Discords really as dangerous as I’ve heard”

“Dangerous? Why that word does not do him justice. His potential is enough to rule over all of Equestria! With magic powerful enough to rival our sisters and us combined, had we not had the elements of harmony, defeat would have been unavoidable”

“Jeez, and you all wanted to free him for a chance at redemption? Seems kinda crazy to me”

“We would agree with thou at a certain point in our life. Now reformed myself, I can truly see from both sides” staring to the ceiling artwork she reminisces of a time now passed. “You never realize how much you desire help until it is too late. We are just glad to be here right now then to be banished to Tartus or to the moon… or wherever I might have been” with a gleam in her eyes she leans into me resting her head on my shoulder. “Perhaps in time thou might become friends with Discord although that is quite a frightening thought”

“It was only easy becoming friends with you because you’re actually a great pony Lu. If that Discord dude is as bad as you say then I doubt I’ll find common ground with the guy”

“We are not a good pony”

Smacking my lips in disappointment, I boop her nose with a wet finger, “Don’t be a doofus! If you keep talking like that you’ll be no better then me”

“A wonderful pony?”

“A mess, now pick that chin up be proud of the mare you are today. Think about it, not many ponies could go through what you went through and come back. I know I couldn’t”

“How are we supposed to consider ourselves good after the atrocities we’ve caused? Because we ‘changed’ now? Because we feel remorse? These feelings do not change the past!”

“Yes but, they show that you’re a better pony now and that you are trying!” Hugging her close I put my forehead against hers. “Trust me when I say this, you’re a wonderful person”

In an attempt to make her feel my honesty even more, I refer to her as I see her. As another person. Not as a pony or an animal or anything else but, as an equal. When I lift her head to see her reaction I notice the heavy blush surrounding her shocked expression. She looks like she’s seen a ghost!

“Luna?”

“W-we… WE COULDN’T HELP BUT LOOK! You had our head facing straight down, what were we to do but look!”

Blushing myself now I cover my privates with a hand, “Luna what the heck! I was giving a whole pep talk and you go and peek a look!?”

“This was no peek! Oh no, it felt as if we were only a foot away!”

“W-what?! You could’ve just lied or something! Could’ve said you didn’t see it!”

“But we did and it was so small! Surely your friend grows does he not?”

“LUNA! Of course he grows!!”

Placing a hoof to her forehead she looks as if she’s about to pass out, “We have lied to you and to our sister! You are our first suitor, our first true suitor and I have never seen a stallions… thing before so close! Oh I might feint”

“Luna this is.. this is a whole lot to take in”

“Unlike your friend”

“Are you trying to kill me?!” If I was any more hot in the face I might die. “What’s with all the sudden honesty?!”

“We are trying to distract ourself but, it has failed miserably! We only now keep imagining thou’s member even more vividly!”

“Luna!”

“I am sorry! Please forgive us!” By now she’s so red that her original coat color has completely been erased.

“We should probably get out, you look like your going to pass out” I go to help her when her wings shoot straight out nearly smacking my face.

“EEP! Please ignore that!”

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

“We can’t help it! Tis too embarrassing to explain!”

“Did you just get a wing boner?”

“Ignore it!”

“How come you get to make fun of my friend but, I can’t make fun of your boner?”

“Tis not a boner!”

“Totally is”

“T-tis not!”

“Stiff. Can’t help it. Possible sexual tension. I don’t know, sounds like a boner”

“We… we are not…” Standing up she starts to wobble, clearly overwhelmed from all the heat.

Starting to fall, I catch her taking her back to the locker room to cool down. She had feinted and was unconscious in my arms. Resting her down I rush to go find some water. Once she’s finally come to, I had already laid her head down on my towel covered lap. Thankfully her face had changed back to its navy blue color, only a thin haze of red remaining. Dizzy she can barely open her eyes, “W-what… happened?”

“You got too hot. Here drink this please” I help lift her head up so that she can take a drink, the cold water visibly bringing the life back to her. She chugs the whole things with a gasp. “Feel better?”

“Does anypony know of what happened?”

“I figured you might get embarrassed so I didn’t tell anypony. They thought it was just some weird human thing I needed so much water. Here I got another one for you” taking the glass bottle she starts drinking again, this time not finishing the entire bottle right away.

“We are sorry for getting so easily riled up. I imagined I would be fine seeing you so exposed so close… this is all new for us please understand”

I huff, either from relief or from disbelief. I can’t really tell. “You’re so forward all the time I just figured this wasn’t your actual first relationship, that and you’re like thousands of years old. To be honest though, I’m just glad your okay”

Blushing once more she looks away, “At least a thousand of those years thou must excuse. There are no suitors on the moon and for the other thousand, we had no interest other then to avoid Celly’s teasing”

“So what changed with me?”

“You are… different, like us. Never have I spoken with a pony who understands us more”

“That’s fair but, why were you not interested in courting at all?”

“Things were… we were… it felt pointless” placing the bottle down she sits up on her own next to me. “What is the point to courting one who is mortal? Would we not suffer the sad fate of watching our loved one die slowly before us, leaving us alone to grief? We were afraid of such fate. Afraid of losing one dear to us”

“What changed?”

“We realized we could not enjoy life if we did not suffer. Grief and pain is a part of life just as love and joy is. It only took us thousands of years to finally grow up and realize this” she leans back into me nuzzling her face against my neck. “It led us to here so we can not complain”

Hugging her close I let her cool herself down some more before we start to get ready to head back. Eventually she’s good enough to stand and I dress myself back up leaving the only thing left to do finding our way back.

We pace ourselves to whatever speed she requires, her first few steps awfully wobbly. Like a newborn fawn she eventually gets a good stride going and most of the walk goes without break. I wait to really question Luna more until we’ve made it back safely, both of us resting on her bed. My skins still red from the bath while Luna still suffers from a hazy lightheadedness.

“You never answered me earlier, what was with all the honesty? Like why hide all that shit in the first place from me only to reveal it now?”

“We could not hide it from thou forever. As for our behavior I shall come clean, I owe you this much” sitting up beside me she faces away toward the window. “Consider our boldness a type of coping mechanism. We always found pretending to be courageous or fearless worked just as well as the actual self felt emotion. It is not important that the pony leading should feel convinced, only that their followers believe the actions are genuine”. Spinning around to look at me I can see the worry plastered on her face. “I am a fraud. A pitiful excuse of a ruler. A hypocrite”

“What? No you’re not! I’ve seen you in night court deal with all sorts of… princess issues AND I saw you fight that scary changeling mare at the wedding! You’re not going to tell me that wasn’t brave are you?”

“You misunderstand! Why do you believe we attend a night court instead of the day court with our sister? The unimportant, hardly attended, court of the night”

“It’s not uni-“

“We barely handle over a handful of requests a night, requests that very well could wait until the morning. We host the night court because we lack in the same ability our sister holds. Our knowledge less advanced, our social abilities lacking, tis an excuse created by our sister in order to prevent further embarrassment!”

“But I’ve seen you solve issues that I couldn’t answer let alone understand!”

“Anything of any actual importance we abstain from solving, pushing the issue to our sisters care. We do not have the capability to run this country Joey and it is a wonder our sister even provides us with the responsibility we hold. I fake and evade any real problem, still the lost little filly our sister banished to the moon all those years ago…”

“Luna…”

“Even our speech is a falsity, displaying some sort of high intellectual cognitive ability or wisdom we truly do not have. Thousands of years Joey, thousands and we do not feel any different then our first twenty”

“Luna”

“And then our relationship! Why I pretend to be anything but terrified yet, my hooves shake just being near you! We can’t help but feel light and.. and our insides ticklish, hay we are nervous right now!”

“LUNA!” Startled by my shout she freezes. “It’s okay to be all of those things, to be nervous, to feel unprepared. There hasn’t been a moment in my life we’re I’ve felt like I have everything planned or that I’m where I need to be. Shit I know I’m not mature but, that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you fake it to make it Luna because you wanna know why?”

She rolls her eyes, “Because we try?”

“Because no matter how scared or awful you feel you still go out and kick ass doing your best. Every. Damn. Night”

“But we lied to you, that is not our best”

“You lied to yourself but, to me? You’re exactly the mare I already knew. Somepony strong enough to deal with anxieties and worries most ponies wouldn’t even be able to comprehend. Honestly, you spilling your guts out to me right now made me even more confident in my belief in you. You’re a princess, my princess, the princess of the fucking moon so are you gonna just sit there and doubt yourself while I keep rooting you on?”

“But… even if we are not qualified as a ruler?”

“Even if you can’t even take the throne as princess, I’ll still be there”

“Surely you realize how pathetic we are?” Her voice cracks, eyes looking for any inklings of agreement.

“All I’ve realized is that your problems are my problems Lu… let’s get over them together” Reaching out I hold her hoof in my hand.

Overwhelmed with emotion the tears brimming in her eyes begin to spill over and her trembling lip forces itself down into a frown. I hug her without hesitation as she lets out the frustrations poring over her current threshold. This was pent up emotions, emotions held for who knows how long. She needed me here.

She must’ve cried for almost an hour until sleep overtook her exhausted body. To tell you the truth I was distraught by her wailing, never once imagining a pony of such power could be so hurt. It was humbling as well, to see her like any other individual broken and defeated. In a strange way this felt like our roles were reversed, that somehow I’ve become the rock of this relationship and to be honest it was sorta refreshing to not be the one always relying on others. Sadly it came at the cost of another’s pain but, I could still be there for her, helping every step of the way. But this left me with question. Should I tell Celestia? Perhaps ask Pinkie what to do? Fluttershy? Shy always seemed like the one to know what to do in situations like this. All this worry came with nothing but a headache so I stored it away for another time, focusing my attention to Luna.

Restless she tossed in her sleep even with my arms wrapped around her. I was still shocked over everything, so much anxiety and worry. I had her figured as such a dependable figure, unbroken, unshaken. To know what I know now has completely changed what I originally thought. She needed my comfort and support, enough to get her back on her hooves. Mumbling in her sleep I can feel a cold sweat brewing over her. My poor princess. I give her shake to stir her from the nightmare.

“Hey, Lulu. It’s okay, you’re with me. It’s okay”

Against tear stained fur and tired eyes she fights to look up at me, still broken in spirit. “We are sorry… please forgive us”

“Shhh shh shh, you’ve done nothing wrong”

“We are a failure”

“You are beautiful”

“I am foolish”

“Honest”

“Irresponsible”

“Admirable”

“Immature”

“Empathetic”

“Please stop we are none of those qualities!”

“I’ll stop when you stop lying to yourself”

“How could it be a lie? I have hid this… this embarrassing fear, this cowardice truth from even our sister. We couldn’t bare to let her know how we really feel, she would be too quick to blame herself. A quality kept only by one deserving of the throne”

“You blame yourself for literally everything Luna what are you talking about?”

She ignores my reply, attempting to change the subject, “We were not ready before and we are not ready now. What else could she had done but banish us? A nuisance of a sister!”

“How do you know how she feels? Have you ever asked her or did you assume?”

“Presumably that is her true feelings, should they not be? What have we done to prove our worthiness?”

“Who said anything about needing to be worthy? Why are you so insistent on being perfect? Luna nopony is perfect! I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, hell even Celestia isn’t perfect!”

“She is far beyond our capabilities”

“She fucking lied to me because she felt like it was the right thing to do, not because she knew what I wanted but because she knew what she wanted. If that’s not the most opinionated, selfish decision you know then name me a another”

“…”

“Can you… can you please just do me one favor. Stop beating yourself up. You’re a good pony, I know you are so for my sake, try to be more forgiving with yourself. You said it yourself earlier, nopony is perfect”

She doesn’t answer instead nuzzles me down onto my back, resting her head on my chest. Letting out a deep exhale she relaxes, obviously done with tonight.

“…sorry”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for”

Writing a letter to Scribble, I make it clear she is to have the day off. The last thing I need is for anypony to see Luna like this. She was at her lowest and needed help picking herself back up.

I trace a finger through her light blue mane as she slept, her form changing to its proper shape over the night. She was smaller, much more closely related to an average pony then her public appearance. Her coat a strange blueish purple I could never describe, wings small and proportionate. She looked vulnerable, much younger then either of her other forms. I always assumed this was how she was supposed to look. Also, in a way it made me realize this is how she felt inside right now. Small and weak. Appearing small enough to look as if she needed protection.

Naturally it seemed I always wanted to panic and this situation was no different. I was beginning to worry.

Maybe I should tell Celly or maybe I shouldn’t. What would Luna think if I told her against her will? But what would happen if I didn’t tell her? Would Luna think I didn’t trust her? Should I even put this much trust in myself to help her alone? Can I ever calm the fuck down for one moment?!

Worrying wasn’t going to help me out and neither was procrastinating. I needed to do something. With a look back to Luna I started walking out the door.

“I’m sorry Lulu”

If there was one lesson I’ve learned in Equestria, it’s to ask for help when you need it even if it felt bothersome or annoying. Celestia needed to know and I needed her help.

Author's Notes:

Hola readers I hope you’ve all had a wonderful day/night and merry Christmas! If you don’t celebrate Christmas then I hope whatever your holiday is, is filled with joy and happiness!

Chapter was a little shorter then usual to fit before Christmas so sorry bout that. Also I didn’t like how I wrote in this one so you’ll have to tell me if it’s poop!

This chapter although integral for the story, was also meant to be read in a way that bred thought. Is it truly okay to lack responsibility in our lives, specially in situations requiring more then usual? Truthfully, no. We should always try to take as much responsibility as we can for both our actions and our decisions whether or not we feel things are fair towards us.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced a situation where we were hopeless and felt like giving up but, can you recall any of those situations where you still tried? Where you still gave your best? What was your takeaway? For me, even if I still was met with a result less then desired I could still move on without regret and with some pride for myself knowing I did my best. And if things went well against the odds? Then the success was even tastier then usual!

What I guess I’m trying to say is, to show some grit. No matter the circumstance or situation, you can always have more grit, more effort then anyone else and that’s something to be proud about. Something more to love about yourself

Thanks for reading and I hope any of you suffering with self deprecation like myself find love with the person you are because even if you don’t care about yourself, know that I care about you :)

26 Movies, Magic, and More

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With the sun peeking over the horizon, it’s fiery blaze warmed me through each passing window. Each pane of stained glass added to the seemingly endless budget behind the palace’s construction. Why it felt to have even one hallway of this caliber would be a impossibility without experiencing it oneself. Every journey has its destination however, and mine happened to be the breakfast hall. Private and regal, the large table was empty at my arrival leaving me stumped on what to do. I had no idea when day court started or if there was one today so staying here waiting for Celestia might be foolish.

“Ugh… I bet Novy would know where to go”

Maybe I should go my room and grab my parchment

“Eeeexcuse me! What is it that I’m exactly staring at?”

Looking to the voice I’m met with a very stout looking stallion, his mane blonde and finely combed back. With a white coat to go along with his white tux and a sharply defined mustache I could get a pretty good guess at what kind of pony this guy was. I couldn’t afford to get into any trouble at the moment so sucking up my pride would have to be the way.

“Names Marshall, Joey Marshall” I extend a hand out for a shake.

Looking at it with disgust he scoots back, “Goodness me, what exactly are you and how are you in here? Where is your master? Why I should have the guards-“

“Please! Please… I’m friends with princess Luna. I’m her guest… staying here for now”

Confused he starts to walk around me as if I’m some sort of statue in an art museum, inspecting me head to toe. “I couldn’t ever understand why she would be friends with such a hideous pony… but, that is her decision to make. What is it you need? Clearly you seem lost in some way, you aren’t as stupid as you look are you?”

This guy blows

“Actually I was wondering if you knew where princess Celestia was, you see-“

“Please, do not indulge me with pointless babble. She should be setting up for day court by now so please, hurry off and rid me of your frightful mug”

Clenching my fist I nearly have an aneurysm trying to not punch him, “Yeah, thanks. You’ve been a real charm to talk to” I say through gritted teeth.

Waving a hoof dismissively he walks past me to the table, “Uh huh, be off now”

“Fucking prick”

Thanks to my helpful new friend I know where to go and do not hesitate to hurry. Even with less then a months time spent here I begin to notice familiar sights, cutting off several minutes each journey around the palace. With record time I reach the court entranceway and it’s stupidly large doors. Pushing them with most my strength they do not budge until the surrounding guards pity my attempts enough to help. I give them both an embarrassed thank you only to be frozen in surprise at the mare talking to Celestia.

“Twilight?”

The two of them turn at the sight of me both gleefully crying from whatever their conversation withholds. Then I notice it, Twilight’s wings.

“Wait… what’s going on?”

“Joey!” The purple mare slams into me with a hug without an answer as to why she had wings. I look on to Celestia in confusion.

With a big smile she pats me on the head, “Behold, Equestria’s newest princess”

I have to pull Twilight away just to see her expression, “You’re a princess now?” Overwhelmed with excitement she can only nod. “Wow! See? I always told you Celly had big things planned for ya”

“This wasn’t so much a plan rather her continued ability to prove herself worthy of the title. Twilight my dear stu- no, you are beyond that now. Princess Twilight Sparkle, I am proud to call myself your former teacher”

“Holy shit this is wild! So you can just make anypony an alicorn or did she like Pokémon evolve before I got here?”

“Well I do not know what this Pokémon is that you speak of but, to answer your first question yes. I do have the ability to grant one deserving enough the responsibility. I should clarify however, that not just anypony can be given this right, there is a requirement of magically ability, levels beyond most normal individuals. Although the spell is incomplete, I need my sisters help as well. Speaking of, where is she? I made it clear she would be needed this morning”

I’d been so swept up in all this good news that I complete forgotten the purpose of me being here! The thought alone put a visible damper on my mood. Both Twilight and Celestia take notice.

Twi pulled at my sleeve, “Is princess Luna okay?”

“I uh… I don’t know if I should talk about this right here… or if Twilight should know”

Tilting her head in question Celly leaned into me with a whisper, “Is it serious?” When she pulls back I hesitate to nod.

“She might get mad if I tell anypony but, I don’t know what else to do”

Noticing the clear indication of needed privacy, Twilight started for the door. “I’ll let you two talk”. Almost halfway she stops, “Also Pinkie and the girls are here as well Joey! Make sure to come talk to me after!”

A pit grows in my stomach, I’m overwhelmed at all that’s going on. Such horrible timing. Celestia’s sudden poke at my side catches my attention.

“I do not believe anypony is within earshot of us now so what exactly is it that’s wrong?”

“S-she… I don’t really have the right words for this. It seems she’s not very confident in herself. That she’s not worthy of being a princess. I’ve tried to explain how that just wasn’t the case but, I can’t really get through to her. Has she ever been like this before?”

“Thought of herself unworthy? No, no I have to say this is a first…” with Celly’s small pace around I try and give a little more info to help.

“I don’t think it has anything to do with what happened before in case you think this is somehow your fault. I just think she’s been bottling this up until now and felt like I was trustworthy enough to tell. Then I go and tell you right away wow I suck”

“You’ve done the right thing, spare yourself the worry. I just wonder where this might have stemmed from. When I think back she was opposed to the thought of becoming princess but, this was a time ago and when I say a time ago I mean it. This was no recent memory. A time when even I were regular pony, when our father..” clearing her throat she turns back to me confidently. “I trust you have the ability to make things right. You are her first true suitor and yes I knew the others were a lie. Luna never was good at keeping secrets for me so to hear this new one from you means it’s something she only trusts with those closest. I am unsure why she is untrusting of me however, given the circumstance I have no choice but to depend on you”

“Celly you can’t be serious, I came to you looking for help! I don’t know how to help anypony, plus I’m flippen damaged myself!”

“Maybe that is why she trusts you most, because you are the first pony she’s made friends with that understands her feelings” Stressfully I start to run my fingers through my hair, thinking of what possibly I could do. “Joey”

“Hm?”

“I know you will figure out what to do so stop worrying about it for now and go catch up with your friends”

“But Lu-“ shoving me backwards with both hooves I skid in defense from being pushed out.

“Nope, you will figure it yourself, this I know”

“Listen I’m not one of your students so you can’t just put random-“

“I understand your worry but do not forget she is my sister above all else”

“But-“

“But I will make sure she’s okay for today” with that she finally pushes me out the throne room in front of her guards. “So please, go enjoy yourself and we will talk more later”

“Celestia!” *SLAM* “Shit! … what are you two looking at?” Snapping their gazes away, the guards return to their original frozen states.

“So it looks like you and Celestia had a little disagreement over something?”

Twilight sneaks her way beside me with a smile, still flexing her new wings. “It’s fine. Anyways how’s it like having wings? Bet you never saw this coming”

“Strangely enough they almost feel like having two more legs” she flaps them wildly at her side. “I don’t ever see myself getting used to this”

“Well you got horn don’t you? I bet if you gave one of those to a Pegasus they’d feel pretty weird too”

“Maybe… I guess I shouldn’t worry about it as much now. So, how’s things with you?”

“Uneventful… well that’s a lie but, I can’t really explain. I do know at least that I haven’t found anything new about my issue”

“Is there anyway I could help from Ponyville?”

There is that old castle

“Nothing that I wouldn’t want to be there for. Besides it’s not important right now, what is important though is you explaining why you’re a princess now”

“We should probably go see the others first, they’ve been waiting for me outside for a while. I’ll tell you as much as I can as we walk”

“Alright, lead the way”

Together side by side, we begin catching the attention of almost everypony we pass. I have to take a look to notice they’re all mainly staring at Twilight before I make the connection. New princess on the block.

“Do you want the long explanation or the short?”

“I’ve never been one for lore so spare me the details”

“I swear I’ve heard you say the opposite before..”

“Probably”

“After you left Celestia showed up to explain my next test. She would be bringing Discord back to Ponyville in hopes that me and the girls could rehabilitate him. Her trust was mostly placed in Fluttershy’s hooves yet she knew she’s couldn’t do it alone and she knew it would be safest if I guided the whole process”

“Given that you’re telling the story now I can assume Discord’s better now right?”

A frustrated scowl appears on her face just as soon as I finish the question. “As better as he could be”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That he’s a complete jerk and Fluttershy is too nice to not let his antics off the hook! He’s even worse then Rainbow when she goes through those pranking phases”

“He’s the god of chaos right? I can’t see how you would manage to rehabilitate him, it’s in his very nature to be chaotic”

“Apparently he’s never had a real friend before until Fluttershy so he’s more afraid to lose that then his urge to create mayhem. I only hope she doesn’t let him get too carried away…”

“So where is he if you girls are all here? Surely you didn’t just let him leave? … you let him leave didn’t you?”

“How are we supposed to make him trust us if we kept him leashed up all the time? We had to give some leeway”

Shrugging I guess she’s got a point, a very risky one. “You sure do have a lotta faith in friendship princess Twilight”

She scrunches up her face at the title, “Please don’t call me that, I don’t think I’m exactly ready for anything besides learning how to use these wings properly. All the other stuff will have to wait”

“Twilight I don’t think you really get a choice I mean look around, all these ponies aren’t murmuring about me. You’re going to have to get used to all this new attention and I bet a whole lot more in the future”

Stopping midway through the hall she turns to me rubbing a foreleg, her voice lowered to a whisper. “I’m actually really nervous. I don’t know if I’m ready for all this, what if Celestia was wrong? What if I mess up and make the other princesses look bad!”

I boop her nose to stop the rant, chuckling at her surprised reaction. “If you’re nervous about the attention I think I know a human that could help but, for the other stuff? Twilight you’re clearly ready I mean look at all the accomplishments you’ve achieved in such a short amount of time. There was the Nightmare Moon thing you told me about, the time you saved Cadance’s wedding, the entire freaking crystal empire you helped save. Twilight if you think you’re not ready for being a princess after this whole Discord thing then I think you don’t know what it means to be a princess”

“And how would you know what it takes princess Marshall?”

“I don’t but, you do and I know you do. You’ve been proving that since I’ve met you”

“I haven’t proved anything! All I’ve done is get carried by my friends to every finish line, I didn’t do anything of those things alone”

“Maybe that’s what it means to be a princess, to rely and trust others around you. Even Celestia needs you girls to help out every time things get messy and she’s supposed to be the best”

“I guess… maybe it is okay to need help as a princess but, to lead Equestria? I don’t know how to be a leader of a nation”

“Yeah that’s something you’re probably going to need to learn but, it’s not exactly like you can just read a book about it and understand how to. It doesn’t matter though cause I know you’re a good leader, you’ll figure it out”

“I really would like to think so”

“Then start believing in yourself. There’s a lot of road ahead so best you start on the right track. What do you say… princess?” I finish with a smile poking her chest.

Unable to fight her own smile she bashfully shoves my shoulder, “Look at you being all optimistic, maybe your real special talent is giving motivational speeches?”

Just then I imagine myself in front a large crowd, the mic echoing painfully in the silence. “God I hope not”

Twilight takes our trip outside toward the palace yard. I can see the girls in a small group somewhat far away still. With occasional shrubbery, vast expanses of grass, and the distant patrol towers one might think we were in prison. Peering back to the entrance we just left, the overreaching palace seems to almost hover over us as we walk away.

As we get close the first thing I notice is Rainbow Dash’s sporadic flying. Clearly she was excited about something. Moving away from her I look over the others to find my little pink marefriend, her worried expression slightly concerning but otherwise expected. She’s probably nervous.

“Hey girls I’m back!” The all turn in unison spotting Twilights new fancy wings in an instant. She’s surrounded before she can even get off another word.

“Hey cutie patootie? Whatcha doin all alone?” Pinkie had snuck up on me as I watched the others gawk in amazement over the new Twi.

Hearing her voice fills me with a joyful warmth that’s indescribable. I can’t even fathom how I went without her even for this little amount of time. “Just catching up with some old friends. What about you cutie? How come such a squishy adorable mare is talking to me instead of cheering on her friend?” Squishing her mane with my hand the stupidest smile makes it’s way across my face.

“Squishy? Are you calling me fat! Cause that’s okay, I’ve definitely been called worse things like annoying or crazy or scary so fat is like a silly thing to call me especially since it’s not true right?”

“Yes Pinkie you’re not fat you’re like… extra healthy”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

Swooping her up into a cradle I boop her nose against mine, “That there’s more of you to love”

A slight blush rushes to her face along with a honest smile, “I really really really missed you”

“I missed you too… more”

“Heheh yeah okay big guy”

Her ocean blue eyes draw me into a trance, pulling me deeper into the waves. Her small facial features I so fondly remember sprout up feelings of being home. I can feel the weight of my worries physically be lifted from my body. This is where I needed to be, with Pinkie. As we close the distance we’re interrupted by a raspy voice.

“Excuse me! Can you two wait at least a few minutes before getting all kissy kissy?”

“Ugh, shut up Dash you’re just jealous I don’t hold you like this” I say while putting Pinkie back down. Adorably she reaches out to me only for a second as if to ask to stay.

“If you ever even tried to do something like that I’d punch you right in the nose!”

“Uh huh”

“Don’t believe me? Come try to”

“You just want me to carry you”

“N-no I want you to buckin try me!”

I turn to Pinkie loudly whispering, “Can you believe this mare? How despera-“ I’m tackled before I can even finish.

Wrestling against Rainbow crash, things get a little intense until Twilight pulls us both away with her magic. The sensation brings a shiver down my spine, I didn’t like being touched this way. Thankfully it isn’t long and she sets us both a few feet from each other.

“Gir- gang”

“You can call the group girls I don’t care Twi”

She nods, “Girls, can we at least fill Joey in on what he’s missed first? I’m sure he has tons of questions and I bet some of you have some for him as well”

“Yeah Dash, let’s settle down”

“You started it!”

“No I didn’t!”

“GIRLS!”

“Sorry” we both say simultaneously.

Within a pavilion myself and the girls hide from the suns, taking shelter in its shade. Protected by several surrounding nets, if any bugs or prying eyes were around they would have plenty trouble getting in on our conversation. We sat around a circular table eating away at our lunch. It was provided from the palace staff at Twilights command, a mixture of various fruits and pies. I personally shared a blueberry pie with the mare sitting in my lap, her curly mane getting dangerously close to my food.

“Pinkie would you watch your hair?”

“Bwut this pwie is swoo gwood!”

“I know so keep your hair out of it”

I’d already answered a couple of the girls questions by now, things like how are the princesses like off duty and what fancy dresses do they keep. The latter question I really didn’t know so I came up with some random answer that seemed plausible and would make Rarity pleased. Taking a second to look over the group I notice a distinct missing dragon from our midst.

“Where’s Spike?”

“Oh he’s back home watching over the library. He thinks Discord might try to sneak back there after we left to try and steal something. I tried to explain to him how much you would’ve liked to see him but, he didn’t listen. He said, ‘I’m sure Joey will be fine without seeing me for a little longer, he can always find some other pony to bully’”

The girls shared a laugh with myself included though mine was a little less enthused. I didn’t realize he thought that way and it made me feel a little shittier about the way I’ve treated him. I’ll give him a gift as an apology when I come back home, I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.

“Alright so what did I miss? Another terrifying test that went totally haywire but, Twilight miraculously managed to find a way to fix it?”

“Actually darling, yes”

Aj tipped her stetson, “We really screwed up this time. Things kinda got out of control”

“Mm hm, Discord was awfully mean at first and messed with all of our cutie marks. I thought I had Pinkies special talent”

“Yeah until Twilight came and helped us all remember! You should have seen it dude it was crazy”

“Yup! Mr. meanie made everything all silly wild crazy. Even I was a little overwhelmed!”

“But then you all taught him the power of friendship yatta yatta yatta. I’m just surprised you all managed to do this without anypony getting hurt. Wasn’t he like a super evil villainous god?”

“Was” Shy corrected.

“Yes was and we can thank Fluttershy for that. She’s the main reason we were even able to convince him into becoming reformed. We were all convinced it was a lost cause but she wouldn’t give up on him as easily as we did”

“Nice Shy, next you’ll be giving Dashie a run for her money on the element of loyalty”

“Don’t call me Dashie”

“Oh it wasn’t anything special, I just know how some ponies could use a little push at times to leave their comfort zone so I made him choose between being my friend or being a bad pony. In a way it reminded me of the first time Twilight helped me leave my comfort zone and become friends with all of you”

“It was all you Fluttershy, I’m just lucky I get to call you my friend” Twilights thoughtful little moment brought most the group to a cheery mood.

“Gettin a little sappy in here girls let’s tone it down”

“Aw cmon sugar, even you have to admit it. Not many ponies can find themselves with so many great friends”

“We are a rather lucky bunch aren’t we?”

“Mm hm!” Pinkie hums from her pie filled mouth.

With a groan to my side Dash crosses her hooves, “I guess it is kinda cool”

Now all eyes are on me expecting an answer. “*sigh* okay yeah… it’s not that sappy”

Cheering over their won battle most the girls raise their glasses in a toast. “To friendship!”

Now I have to oblige or I’ll be the scrooge one of the group. “To friendship” I say with a raised glass, clinking it to the few ponies around me.

Pinkie downs her water as well as the large amount of pie formerly suffocating her lungs, “TO FRIENDSHIP!” I wrap my hand around her mouth and apologize to the others for her yelling.

“So what about you Joey? What have you done since you left? Make any new friends?”

I must have ate too much because I start to feel a little sick, having to hold my stomach in discomfort. “I did meet this one mare who is like super rude and my own personal maid but, I don’t know if I’d call us friends yet. To be honest she might actually hate me”

I can see on Twilights face she feels a little bad for me, “You are kind of a unique pony to get to know. Maybe she’s just not used to you yet?”

“Eh no… I wouldn’t say that”

“What… did something happen between you two?”

“An argument… maybe a couple insults. Told her to take the day off. We’ll see how things go next time I guess, if there even is a next time”

“Sounds like that mare is a real idiot! Let me talk to her I’m sure she’ll straighten up once she sees me” floating into the air, Dash flexes her foreleg.

Smirking I pull her back down into the seat, “I appreciate that you’re willing to step up for me Dash but, I think this one I have to figure out on my own. Think of it as a little self given test like the ones Celestia loves giving out”

“She do enjoy testin Twilight”

“…like a fuckin teacher”

“Anyways Joey, is there anything interesting that happened? It does seem like trouble follows you so I wouldn’t be surprised”

Besides Luna breaking down in front on me?

“No nothing really which means it’s probably you girls that cause all the trouble! I’m just a poor victim of a association” I proclaim innocently with a hand against my chest.

“We do always save ponies butts when you think about it Twilight, it’s kinda normal we would have some trouble” Dash adds.

The girls share a collective shrug and go back to their meals. “I guess it was a good decision to have you stay here then otherwise who knows what would’ve happened. I can only shudder on what Discord might do if he saw you”

I don’t give it much thought mainly for my own sake, “Hopefully he’ll pity me enough to leave me alone”

“Maybe you’ll be good friends” Pinkie says between bites, her face completely covered in blueberries.

“Pinkie! Oh my lord give me your face” as I wipe away the mess it leaves behind a stupid grin plastered on her face.

“Thankies!”

Giggling some at our interaction Twilight floats over a few more napkins. “Hopefully he’ll be more willing to comply with this whole reforming thing. It’s not like I don’t trust Fluttershy or any of us to do a good job helping him but, he’s very difficult to understand” thinking to herself while watching Pinkie and I tussle more she comes to a sudden eureka. “Actually what if it was a good idea for Joey and Discord to become friends?”

“Uhh Twilight, I don’t think yer really rememberin all the trouble we went through just ta get him to turn Ponyville back normal let alone the trouble Joey went through jus to avoid em”

“Of course I remember but I also remember none of us being able to really relate to him. He was so random and chaotic kinda like Pinkie”

Concerned at the idea Rarity chimes in as well, “He didn’t seem to like Pinkie”

“Yes but I know one pony who knows how to deal with a pony like him” they all share a glance to me where I sit slightly alarmed.

“Shouldn’t I get a word in this?”

“Well yeah, it’s not we could make you do this. I only wanted to know if any other pony thought it might be a good idea”

“I um.. think Discord maybe like um.. might like Joey”

“Fluttershy darling you can’t be serious”

“Well I reckon we don’t do that”

“Why not? Joeys a tough stallion! I bet he even could set Discord straight!”

“I don’t know girls” Pinkie stirs on my lap, “He is super fun and just the best pony ever but I don’t like this. He stayed away from home already for his safety and I wouldn’t want to waste all that trouble we went through… what I went through”

Most of the girls that felt the idea was alright by now seemed to think any further pushing would be rude to Pinkies feelings. It left us all in a quiet stalemate.

“What if we voted for it” my suggestion surprises everypony. “There’s seven of us, by the end there would have to be a decision”

Angrily Pinkie turns to me, “Joey!”

“I think that’s a good idea, let’s vote girls. All in favor raise a hoof” It’s Twilight, Dash, and Shy. “All those opposed” Aj, Rarity, and Pinkie.

“Joey you didn’t vote”

“I didn’t think there’d be a stalemate!”

“Joey” my shirt is tugged down by the mare in my lap. “Please, I don’t like this” eyes search my own for answer.

“What if it means I get to come home sooner?”

“Things could get worse! What would be the point of all the time we already missed together? I just don’t think it’s worth it”

She was right, it would be a disservice for the time she already suffered through. How could I justify risking it all for a chance. “Alright I vote no”

Aj let’s out a sigh of relief, “I can’t believe y’all honestly wanted to do that!”

“Why not? It’s not like he’s going to avoid Discord his whole life, eventually they’re gonna meet!”

“Yeah but Joey still got that collar on for a reason now don’t he? We wouldn’t want Discord messin with em til we figure out that whole mess first”

“Not like he’s going to make Joey any worse”

“Apple Jack, Rainbow Dash, please stop. We made a vote and decided no and that’s that. So let’s stop fighting with each other and enjoy this time we get with Joey”

I’m bothered with all the trouble I’ve caused from my issue alone so having Twilight settle things down is nice. “Thank you Twi. I’m really am sorry for making you all worry. If I didn’t have this stupid issue we wouldn’t have to do any of us this in the first place. I’m sorry”

“This isn’t your fault Joey and if there’s anypony to blame it would be me. I was the one who unleashed your magic”

“I don’t blame you at all for what happened Twilight just so you know but, I can’t help feel responsible for everypony’s worry”

Pinkie spins around facing me, “It’s okay to feel like that but, don’t think it’s a bad thing! It just means we’re your friends and that we want you to be okay just like you would want any of us to be” Avoiding their eyes Pinkie moves my head to face hers, “We all love you so don’t worry about it”

I swallow an urge to say something deflective as the attention becomes uncomfortable. It would be better if I listened to them specially given the fact I always make things worse when I don’t. At this point I have a track record of doing that so I should at least be self aware about it.

“Your right… thanks for being like the nicest most caring friends I’ve ever had. Not taking away from the people I knew before but, you all.. are kinda like family to me you know? I’m not normally so quick to trust anyone like I have you girls so let that be a testament to how helpful and caring every one of you have been. So when I say it feels like we are family I want you all to know I really mean it”

There was a collective ‘aw’ and a slow push for a group hug only to be interrupted by a embarrassed Rainbow. “Okay that’s enough sap for me for at least the rest of the year so what are we going to do next?”

“Seeing how we already convinced Discord to give friendship a try, we have a little extra time on our hooves! What do you girls say about a little shopping! There’s a new book that just came out from one of my favorite authors about calligraphy”

“Ooo a shopping trip?! That would be absolutely fantastic! Please Twilight, lead the way”

“Actually me and Aj wanted to check out some of the guard sparring tournaments, I heard that the Wonderbolts are doing a show after!”

“An I was hopin to sell some of my worlds famous Apple family apple crips to some of the ponies attending. Can’t hurt to advertise a little”

“I wanted to go see a movie! There’s this one that’s supposed to be all about these nasty bandit ponies who go around stealing from all the farmers until a bunch of knights team up to stop them! Joey we gotta see it, we gotta!”

“Well I um… I probably should head back home now while I can. Spike might be a little overwhelmed with all the critters I left behind”

“What? Cmon Fluttershy, Spikes a tough dude. He can handle a few woodland creatures for a day and how often do we get to come to Canterlot?”

“Yes but… oh I’m just so worried. What if he forgets to give Angel his dessert carrot cake from the freezer?”

“Then he won’t get his dessert now let’s go. Either come with me and Aj or Rarity and Twilight”

“But what about Pinkie and Joey?”

“There’s no way they want a third wheel ruining their make out sessions”

“Dash we are literally standing right here also Shy I wouldn’t mind. Would you mind Pinkie?”

“Nope! The more the merrier!”

“See? Team MarshyPie one, team AppleDash zero”

Crossing her hooves Dash looks unfazed, “Whatever, enjoy your weird picture show. I am going to watch a much better one. One with actually live action”

Pinkie leaps forward until she’s nose to nose, “Does yours come with popcorn? I didn’t think so”

“I bet it does! I’ll even bring some back to prove it”

“Oh yeah? Well I hope you have a good time!”

“I hope you have a better time!”

Jumping atop my shoulders Pinkie shouts back, “We’re going to have the best, time, ever!!!”

Shyly Flutters steps between us, “B-but I..” but is swept up in Pinkie grasp leading them both the other way.

And with that we split up. Given that movies and movie theatres were a more recent invention, I had little knowledge on what to look for or where to go. Thankfully Pinkie had done a little asking around before so she was able to lead Shy and I the whole way. Giddily she skipped each step of the way while Fluttershy gingerly walked behind fearful of everypony around. I took the the back of our little group making sure nopony got split up, mainly because Shy seemed uncertain of what she signed up for.

“J-Joey? What exactly is a movie like? I heard from Pinkie that um.. they are like pictures that move. Is that true or is that a dumb question? I didn’t want to bother you if it wasn’t important but, Pinkie grabbed me so fast and…”

“You’re fine Fluttershy. A moving picture she said? That’s pretty accurate I guess. It’s more like following through the eyes of a bystander who’s in the movie, like you’re really there. It’s more like that than just a picture that moves”

“Wow, that sounds strange. I kinda feel a little excited thinking about it”

“That’s great! I love movies personally so when I heard that they were kinda new here I was ecstatic. Movies back home were occasionally great but, in a world like this one where there’s no basis to build a film on, I can only imagine the creativity some of these movies will have”

“Did your cutie mark have to do with movies?”

“Ha, no. Actually Shy, humans don’t have cutie marks so I really only enjoyed movies as a hobby”

“I think I remember you saying that once, that or somepony told me” she thinks for a moment and turns back to me with a little bit of sadness in her face. “I didn’t mean to make you think of your home planet. I’m really sorry if that did bother you to think about”

“You’re fine. Honestly that’s one of the few things I’d be willing to talk about in my past. So long as the questions aren’t super personal it’s okay with me”

“Oh, okay. I’ll try to remember that”

I have to chuckle at her unnecessary concern, “Shy really, don’t think about it. If you have a question for me, ask it. The worse that could happen is I say no”

“I don’t want you to feel bad from anything I say though”

Pinkie slowly creeped her way back, wrapping a leg around Shy as we kept walking. “Joeys tougher then he looks. Past all that chubby soft exterior he’s a real stallion”

I have to check myself over as if there was something I was missing. “I’m not chubby at all!”

“Squishy?”

“You’re squishy! I’m soft, at most”

“He lies to himself all the time you wouldn’t believe it”

“Pinkie!”

“Like this one time he was helping me get ready for this party and he accidentally got paint all over his favorite pants but, when I tried to help he said he didn’t like them anyway. I think he said that so I wouldn’t feel bad about ruining his favorite pants helping me”

“They were not my favorite”

“They sure were! You wore those the most out of any of your pants”

“Cause I only have like three pairs of pants!”

“Why not ask Rarity to make you more?”

“Cause I can’t just bother Rarity all the time for new clothes Pinkie, that’s rude”

“Um… I don’t think she would.. really mind”

“I mean maybe she wouldn’t say she cared…”

“Not everypony gets so impatient Jojo, specially a friend like Rarity. She’s so generous!”

“Generosity has nothing to do with a pony’s willingness to put up with me everyday”

“It wouldn’t be everyday and you know it! That was a hyperbole!”

“Okay so it wouldn’t be everyday but that shit bothers me. I hate feeling like I'm being annoying”

“Then take a note from my note taking book! Ponies think I’m annoying all the time and it doesn’t stop me! Why should what another pony thinks stop you from getting what you need? Sounds to me like they don’t deserve your attention”

“It’s different when it’s a stranger then with a friend like I don’t want to bother Rarity cause I care about how she feels ya know? If I felt like it might be annoying to head over there so often for help shouldn’t I try to avoid heading over there every waking minute?”

“Rarity wouldn’t get bothered by you Joey, she’s very kind and has helped me tons of times before. I haven’t heard her ever complain about a friend before”

“Fluttershy’s right! She’s your friend Joey so even if she was annoyed you know she wouldn’t hold a grudge. Think about a time one of us annoyed you, you’re still not bothered by that are you?”

“Yeah I guess your right. Still it just… I don’t know, I never was a peo- pony person so I can’t really understand how Rarity might feel”

“That’s fine, I mean you do pretty good understanding me and I’m crazy!”

In unison Shy and I reply the same, “You’re not crazy”

“I know what I am!” She pouts, turning her head forward to watch where she’s walking. She nearly misses running into a noble at the last second.

“Heavens! Watch where you are going miss!” He shouts from a distance after collecting his fallen bag.

“No promises!”

Not distracted as much as Pinkie, I notice a large building up head riddled with strange artwork. “Pinkie is that it?” The front of the building held multiple large music notes above the entrance.

“Yep! It’s a music hall that does movies now too! Come on, we should hurry before we lose the good seats!”

She takes off like a bat out of hell leaving me and Shy in the dust. “Don’t worry Shy she can just buy us some tickets while we make our way over, no need to rush”

“Oh thank you, I was worried I might have to run. It’s not like I can’t or anything or that I can’t fly either or that I’m incapable-“

“I get it Shy, you’re not that athletic. I didn’t think you can’t do it”

“..oh o-okay… thanks” she has to hide behind her hair to hide the embarrassment.

Soon enough we arrive as well entering the large brick building into a large line. Apparently movies were a big thing in Canterlot given all the hype of its recent creation, there had to have been over twenty ponies in front of us in line. A strange sight drew me from my gaze, a pink pony hopping up and down near the front. She was out of place with her bright pink coat against a sea of dull greys and blacks.

“Shy” I grab her shoulder. “I see Pinkie near the front, let’s go over to her” she nods and we start walking until a stallion beside me pulls on my shirt.

“Excuuuse me, who do you think you are skipping in line!?” His monocle and suit vest made guessing his social class rather easy.

“My marefriend is up there and we came here together, we just-“

“Marefriend?! Why I don’t believe that lie for one second! There isn’t another one of.. whatever you are in this room. Whatever blasphemy you think you can spew past me outta be better then that!”

“It’s not a lie look, my friend Fluttershy can even vouch for me” turning to my side she’s frozen in fear from the confrontation. “Uh, Shy. A little help here?”

“Have you abducted this poor mare as well? Just look how frightened she is!” A few of the ponies around start to stir as well. Some even pointing and murmuring our way.

“She doesn’t do well with ponies yelling so if you could please lower your voice”

“Lower my… listen here you rascal. I’m on to your little game and I can spot trouble from a mile away. If you just walk away and leave this poor mare I won’t even bother to get the guard”

“Nopony is going to be getting any guards dude, this is my friend”

“Stubborn aren’t you? Fine, I’ll just have to-“ just then a mare behind us steps forward splitting the gap between the stallion and I.

“Sir, that there is Fluttershy the element of kindness and that big weird looking pony is like one of their friends. I don’t think you got the right idea”

Taking a good look at my savior it’s a tan colored mare with a short blue highlighted mane. You could still see the natural hair color however, through her roots, the beginning of each hair black for at least half an inch. A strange looking pony for Canterlot indeed, likely a tourist.

“Absurd, the element of kindness is one of Equestrias hero’s. She would not be easily rattled as this mare!” He points his hoof over to a very uncomfortable looking Shy, her pupils the size of pinpricks.

“Listen me and my friend are going now, thank you for clearing any confusion this old head had about us”

“Yeah no problem, not everypony is xenophobic”

“You called me weird”

“Look at me, I'm weird too! Don’t think you’re special or anything” she laughs.

“This is ridiculous! I refuse to let them cut in line while-“

“Chill out gramps!” Our hero tries her best to hold him back as well as a few of the other ponies around. While we walk to Pinkie I turn back to the mare and give a thankful peace sign which she clearly doesn’t understand but appreciates anyway.

“Hey you two, what took so long? I nearly made it to the front of the line already! You didn’t go and see the movie already without me did you?”

“We got caught up by some weird old stallion thinking we were cutting in line” Shy backs up my claim with a few rapid nods.

“He didn’t say anything mean did he?”

“It’s nothing to worry about now what’s this movie called?”

Our wait in line after that wasn’t very long and finding seats turned out to be fortunate as well. We found ourselves in a middle column about six or seven rows up, pretty close to the screen. Most of the theatre was filled up already so it felt kinda lucky to even have the seats we got. Maybe it was a byproduct of being around Pinkie, she seemed to always have the best luck.

Leaning back, the wooden frame wrapping my seats leather padding creaked from age leaving behind a reminiscent smell of an old home. Kind cathartic in a weird way and I didn’t know why. Drawn from my strange admiration of a wooden seat, the dimming lights gave us a realization of the starting show. Embarrassing to admit, I was overly excited to watch a movie in a real theatre again after so long. It was a favorite hobby of mine.

Pinkie seemed to take notice and held my hand to catch my attention. In a yell like whisper she says only one word. “Excited?”

“Yeah, I really am. It’s been a while”

“Im super excited too! It’s my first time!”

Angrily a mare behind us matches Pinkies ‘whisper’, “Hey, quiet down!”

“Yeah we will when the movie actually starts Karen”

Pinkie tilts her head, “Who’s Karen? That’s a weird name for a pony”

“I’ll explain it later, we should probably just enjoy the movie”

Much to my surprise that was exactly what we did. Even for a production company that was both new in this market and new in general, they surprisingly had a good show. I wouldn’t exactly call it a normal movie after watching it through, more like a stage play with a large budget turned video. There was definitely room to improve but that’s not surprising given its originality.

Stepping out into the street I’m feeling pretty great about the whole experience. Pinkie could barely hold her excitement until we left the theatre, ready to explode the instant we made it outside.

“WOWWIE! That. Was. Awesome! The scene where the big stallion jumps off that bridge?! Oh my gosh! We have to go see another movie soon!”

Even Flutters was a little excited, “That was very good but, I liked the part where they helped that poor dog”

“Not going to lie that was pretty damn good girls. Compared to movies back on Earth, I’d say the acting on this one was on par with some of the best”

It wasn’t an over exaggeration either, the acting was really that good. Where the movie really suffered however, was camera quality and action shots. A certain points it was tough to see what had happened and other points impossible. I kept my complaints to myself though as I didn’t want to be picky on such a fresh genre in the entertainment market.

“It really was good! You think they would let me be in a movie? It looks like it would be super fun!”

“Im sure they would given you’re one of the elements. It would be like a cameo from a famous pony only they’d be getting a good actress as well”

“You really think I’d be good?”

“With your imagination? Duh”

“Yeah Pinkie, you really are good at entertaining ponies. I think you’d do a wonderful job”

Just as we are about to leave the mare from earlier walks up on us clearly nervous at first glance. “Uh, what’s up?”

“Oh um… I just wanted to say you’re like kinda my hero and I just wanted to say that to you so that you know there’s ponies like me that feel that way… about you ya know?” She rubbed her hoof into the ground awkwardly avoiding eye contact.

“W-wait, what? Why am I your hero? I mean you’re the one that got that weird stallion dude away from me and Shy. I should be thanking you”

“Well cause you like.. don’t care what other ponies think and stuff I mean just look at what you wear dude. You got that cool collar and you’re totally wearing too many layers… plus the socks like wow” I stare at her a little longer still confused until I realize something I didn’t see before.

She was totally into goth and Im talking like nose ring, black eyeliner, pale face makeup level goth. It must’ve been the speed of the moment and the lack of lighting inside that kept me from noticing.

Raising both my hands defensively I try and brush off the praise, “Heh yeah I’m no trend setter and I defiantly don’t dress like this because I want too. Okay that’s sorta true, what I meant is the collar at least is not by choice”

“You were socks in public dude! You’re freakin bold and it’s awesome. I wish I had the confidence to where whatever but, seeing you in person like actually helps me feel so much better. You’re not even embarrassed or anything it’s so fricken cool!”

“Look you’re making a big deal out of nothing-“

“Out of nothing? Me and all my friends rave about you and what you wear even around those snooty nobles. Ugh, I just wish my dad would understand like you do how important expressing myself is”

“Look I don’t think I’m special at all but, if you think so then whatever. Also I can agree with you with one thing and that’s y’all ponies are way too uptight about dressing up. Like you said you all should express yourselves with the way you dress instead of making clothes some weird fetish thing”

“It’s not a fetish thing! I’m wearing one of your hoodies right now!” Sure enough Pinkie was now wearing a hoodie of mine I left at home.

Technically it was hers as I left a few of my hoodies for her to wear when she felt like it. I don’t know why but, she really liked wearing them.

“That’s sooo cool! You let her wear your hoodies? Dude… can I like… have one of your hoodies?”

Now it felt creepy. At first I was all for letting this mare get out whatever strange fantasy she was experiencing yet now it took a turn to unwanted attention.

“Nah that’s like.. kinda weird”

Flushed she steps back, “Y-yeah you’re right! My bad I’ll… I’ll like leave you all alone now. Thanks though, for being yourself. Really inspired me to not care about whatever ponies thought. Just thought you should know”

“Yeah.. uh you take it easy” I wave her off left in the strangest place emotionally. That and a little bit of a headache.

“Well that was something, I didn’t know you were such an inspiration on the youth! I bet you’d make a great dad! Daddy Joey”

“Please don’t call me that… specially in public”

She bites her lip getting ready to say something awfully naughty before Fluttershy decided she couldn’t take anymore perversion. “W-we s-should head back now!”

“Shy right! Let’s hurry before this dirty mare gets anymore funny ideas” I take the timid mare and toss her over my shoulders, sprinting off toward the palace.

“Im not dirty!” She yells chasing after us, “I took a shower this morning before we left!”

I don’t get very far with Shy on my back before I’m exhausted allowing Pinkie to catch us with ease. She makes sure to prove her cleanliness the entire way back. The. Entire. Way.

Back in the palace we run into the rest of the girls almost immediately at the entrance. The most notable difference would be the additional pony princess Celestia. She donned a pleased look and was too distracted with Twilight to even spot our return. Taking initiative Dash stepped forward with a bucket of popcorn in hoof.

“Bam! Told ya they had popcorn!”

Pulling out a bucket of popcorn herself from seemingly nowhere Pinkie giggles in response, “Course it did silly, popcorns amazing! I bet it’s sold anywhere you go” she crunches through a few hoof bites leaving crumbs along the floor. In the distance you can see the distain in a cleaning maids eye.

“You girls are back! How was the movie?” Twilight asks.

I shrug, “It was pretty-“

“Amazing! The bad guys were like swoosh swing and the knights were like wham crack!” The entire time she acts out the movie jumping around the room swinging an invisible sword. “It was the best movie ever!”

“Pinkie we’ve only seen like two movies”

“Technically that wouldn’t change her opinion” eveypony nods in agreement, even Celestia.

“Man y’all a bunch of… what are you even doing here Celly?!”

“Don’t misplace your frustration on me, I was just coming back with Twilight from completing her awakening”

“Awakening?”

“A term I created for the process of becoming an alicorn. I know it sounds corny but, it was the best my sister and I could come up with”

“I wouldn’t say corny more like cultish”

She shrugs, “Could be worse”

“I guess. Does this mean Twilights going to grow to be all tall like you?

“Yes, this is a factor of the transformation however it should be some time before we see any real changes. Take princess Cadance for example. While she may have grown slightly, her frame remains thin. She will grow into her new body like plants roots grow to its pot”

“Does my hair change as well or is that some kind of fancy pants conditioner you and princess Luna use?”

“Please there’s no need to refer to either of us as princess my dear Twilight and no, I do not own a special conditioner. Although I will admit this new vanilla fragrance I’m using is delightful”

“So you two went and saw Luna to finish it right?” I give a look to Celestia that only she would notice.

Her smile only grows, “She was absolutely thrilled at Twilight and her friends success”

“That’s great!”

“I mean I guess it’s cool, I don’t really get why your so excited” Rainbow says causally floating over me.

“Oh.. uh you know it’s nice to hear she’s excited and all that. Princess Luna doesn’t exactly have that many friends so I like to hear she’s getting excited about the ones she has”

“Since when did you become the element of friendship?”

“Since when did you become so annoying?”

“Now now, there’s no need for such bickering. I bet you all are tired from your long journey and helping Discord with his rehab so I had my maids prep you all with your own personal rooms. Twilight if you would come with me there is a few things I wished to discuss with you. Good night to you all”

A few of the palace staff begin to lead us along while I took Pinkie back with me to my room. I was tired, dog tired and my headache from earlier hadn’t gotten any better. Distracted by my pain I don’t even notice Pinkie move closer to me. While walking she brushed against me with her tail wrapping around my inner thigh. When I looked to see her face she gave a sultry look.

“Maybe when we get to your private quarters I can show you how much I’ve missed you”

“That sounds nice. Maybe I could fill you in on how much I’ve missed you as well”

Giggling she hops up into my arms as I cradle her close. Our lips collide before we’ve even reached the room yet. My hand struggles to open the door between the war waging amongst our tongues. Almost tripping at the door giving way, I toss her to the bed preparing to remove my hoodie when a cough is heard from behind. A Lunar princess sits at my desk with her face ablaze.

“Excuse us!”

27 Joey Appreciation Fan Club

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Stuck between two lovey beauties my heart can hardly take it, beating away frantically. This of course is not because I’m nervous of embarrassing myself rather, I fear for my life. With both arms occupied by a different mare and their murderous glares shooting past me, my current situation is a little less then optimal.

“Luna please, I didn’t see you were there I swear”

“That was made very clear to us the moment thou began stripping without warning let alone with another mare”

“You say that like it’s with a stranger. It’s Pinkie, my friken marefriend! Also what were you doing in my room!?”

“Yeah what we’re you doing in his room!”

Almost offended just from hearing Pinkie speak, Luna pulls her head back a moment before explaining herself. “I was waiting… for Joey of course”

“Waiting to eat him!?”

She brushes off the strange accusation with a twitch of her eye, “We wished to speak with Joey about something private”

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

“… were we not clear when we said private? Perhaps I should spell it out for you on a cake or sing it in a song. Whatever would help thou understand better”

“Actually I would appreciate- hey wait a minute! That was sarcasm!”

“Girls, not that I don’t mind you two trying to rip my arms off but, weren’t you both on good terms last time we were together?”

“Good terms? Agreement upon your safety most definitely but, nopony ever said anything about the two of us getting along”

Sadly Pinkie seems to be hurt by Luna’s words, “I thought we were friends…”

I try to comfort her while staring Luna down. I mouth to her ‘apologize’ but the most I get back is a hoof pointed back to herself while mouthing ‘us?’. Thankfully my continued deadpan stare gets the message through.

“*ahem* It appears that we should apologize.. for our actions. Miss pie it was not clear to me that thou saw us as such and we would like to say we are sorry” I mouth to her again, ‘that’s it?’. “Aaand we would… I would like to suggest a fresh start between us”

“A fresh start?”

“I am not good with making friends, if it was not already obvious by our lack of social skills. We hoped you could give us another chance, for Joey’s sake of course!” She rushes the last part for some weird sort of integrity.

“Luna you can’t be friends with somepony for another pony, that’s not how it works”

“Then could you produce a rule book for us that explicitly states what constitutes a friend?”

Then without making a sound Pinkie made her way around me to hug Luna. Caught off guard she takes a moment to return to act, still confused. When Pinkie pulls away she holds toothy smile.

“I’d love to be friends with you princess Luna but, first we gotta make a new rule! You have to call me Pinkie or Pinkie Pie or anything but miss pie! That way when ponies see us talking to each other they know how good of friends we are!”

“Is that all it would take for them to know? That feels awfully presumptuous”

“That’s not all silly but, friends don’t greet each other formally like that. Like how would you greet Joey?”

“Well, I might refer to him by his name or in certain situations young Marshall”

“Young Marshall?! That’s horrible! We can’t have you saying stuff like that!”

“What do you mean?! I think it is perfectly fine, is it not Joey?”

I shrug, “I let it slide cause you talk all old englishy. Kinda makes you you, you know what I mean?”

“Is it strange for us to call you that?”

“Eeeeeh yeah, kinda. Specially since we’re courting”

“I had no idea… what else should we do to appear more friendly?” Her intrigue was clear now.

“I mean if we’re going to go down this road, Pinkie you should probably stop calling her princess Luna as well. Drop the title”

“But isn’t that offensive?”

It was Luna’s turn, “Actually at times it’s somewhat refreshing to hear our name without title. We feel almost as if we are normal again”

“Okay, what about Loony then? Or what about moony? Oooo or what about-“

“Please just call me Luna”

“Okie dokie Lou-nah!”

“Close enough”

“Alright so the first thing-“

Then before I knew it, the next half hour suddenly went from a tug of war to a class session on making friends. Somewhere in the middle the two of them even began laughing and joking with one another helping ease the worry I once earlier had. The mood was light and the sky night, the rest of the day slipping away leaving me exhausted. If it wasn’t for the fact my sleep schedule was already all fucked up and I had just spent the entire day awake I would normally be raring to go. Unfortunately this wasn’t the only issue.

Since around the time of our picnic, a throbbing pain had become more severe bearing against the sides of my skull. Severe enough to have me rest in bed with eyes closed fighting for a moment of relief.

“Joey?” I could feel Pinkie climb up beside me. “You okay?”

“Hm? Yeah… yeah just have a little headache that’s all”

“What is it that ails you? Is it a fever?” Luna presses what I can only assume is her forehead against mine.

“Hey let me check!” Another soft push reaches my head. “Nope! No fever!”

“Look it’s really not a big deal, go back to having fun with each other and let me get a nap in. I think I’m just tired”

“Okay but take your collar off at least” Pinkie goes to remove it but is stopped by my hand.

“Woah, what if a maid or somepony comes in? I can’t take that chance”

Luna wraps a wing around me gently, “We shall stay to assure nopony enters during your rest”

Pinkie rests her head against my side, “Me too so let’s get that collar off. Besides when’s the last time you took it off?”

“Uhh…” truthfully I didn’t remember.

“Luna he’s taken it off before while he’s been staying here right?”

“Uh, we are not sure. Maybe once… maybe?” She lets out a few worried chuckles.

“Luna! You have to make sure he takes it off when he’s goes to sleep! Otherwise he’s too stupid to do it himself!”

“I don’t keep it on because I’m stupid, I do it-“

“Because you want to spook me to death! Now help me take it off or I’ll bite you”

“Alright alright.. no need to bite”

Sure enough, the moment the collar comes off my neck a strange feeling of release comes over me. I can physically feel the pressure on my head slowly ease.

“There feel better?” I nod.

“We did not know it would take so little of time to began hurting you Joey. Why had you not said otherwise?”

“Cause it didn’t start hurting until today. Usually I can’t sleep too once it gets real bad but, you’ve been kinda preventing that I bet. Some sort of weird sleep magic just from being around you”

“We do not have a floating aura of sleep magic around us for your information”

“Sometimes I have a bird that floats around my head but, that’s only if I bump it hard enough” we both take a second to admire Pinkie.

“… anyways I’m fine now so go back to your girly bonding stuff”

“You still gonna take a nap?”

“Yeah”

“Alrighty! We’ll be super quiet and make sure nopony comes in, I promise”

“You have my word as well”

“Thank you, both of you”

“Yep now take your nap nap before you get grumpy”

“I don’t… ugh whatever”

“See? He’s already grumpy” she whispers all too loud. I can hear Luna giggle as well.

“He does get awfully sour without his rest”

I ignore their bullying and try my best to get even an hour of sleep. Pinkie wasn’t wrong at least when it came to me needing sleep. Before the whole incident with Twi, I hadn’t really had a nice sleep in a long time but, now with this whole magic shit, when I have my collar off I can fall asleep and wake up plenty rested. My stupid insomnia before made any amount of sleep whether two hours or twelve feel the same. I guess you could call it the only positive to being a walking, talking poison.

Unsure of how much time passes, I eventually wake feeling horribly hot. Peeking through heavy lids it’s not hard to spot the problem. Luna lay around my right side, her foreleg around my upper chest and head resting above my own while Pinkie was on my left hugging me low. Her hoof was wrapped around my stomach and she rested against my side hugged close. It was way too much heat and I’d already begun sweating making things even worse but, when I tried to crawl free my constraints only tightened. Was this my demise?

“Quit your struggle, it is making it difficult to steal your warmth” Luna whispers from above.

“I’m sweating like two rats fuckin in a wool sock, give me some space”

“If thou continues to struggle it would be inevitable that the pink one wakes”

“Pinkie sleeps like a log. Watch” I then lift her drooling head to show how asleep she is. “See? Out cold”

“Hm, then she should not be needing this anymore” with a tug Luna attempts to pull me into her own hooves. Pinkie doesn’t budge, stuck to me like a leach. “Huh. Unexpected yet…*grunt* pliable” tugging again she fails to get Pinkie even an inch off of me. “Implausible! How is it that she holds on while completely unconscious?”

“I don’t know but trust me when I say I’ve tried everything. The only real option is waking her and we both know that’s not happening”

Luna shrugs squeezing me tighter, “Well I am not giving up my share if she is to keep hers”

“Even if I’m sweaty?”

“Strangely enough your scent is not that bad”

“Your like my cat”

“Thou has a cat?”

“Had, back on Earth I had a cat. She was pretty old when I left, wonder if she’s still kicking”

“Does it still bother you to think about the past?”

Given the question I can’t help but, think about my life before. My family, my friends. Misplaced guilt finds its way back to my heart and I instantly wish to stop.

“Luna I lost everything”

“I know we are not in the right to be saying this but, at what point will you be willing to talk about it? Surely you don’t intend to ignore this pain forever?”

“Until I have a reason to address it, I will bury it somewhere deep within myself where it will create irreversible damage on my psyche in the future”

“That sounds like a horrific plan”

“That’s for my future self to worry about” Luna bops my head with a hoof. “Ow, hey!”

“We suggest you talk it out. Whether in the dreamscape or in reality”

“I’ll think about it”

“You know when we revealed our deepest secret to thou, it felt as if a weight had been lifted from our chest. Even if the problem still remains it is comforting to know there is another that understand us”

“… I’m sorry for telling Celly”

She sighs, scooting down to my level. “I had forced your hoof. What else were you to do?”

“Keep your secret”

“And then what? Let our sister continue to imagine everything is well?”

“Maybe we could’ve figured things out before she ever had know?”

Luna doesn’t reply right away, letting the still sounds of the night fill the silence. “I am unsure if this is my purpose”

“Course it is, ya got the cutie mark to prove it”

“Joey you have spoken about your home world and how ponies do not have special talents. What is stopping this from being true in all worlds? Perhaps finding our special talent is a means to better understanding oneself but, not a purpose or guide to what we should seek. Could it not be a symbol of what we enjoy without having meaning? Why is it that we are expected to move the moon? Because of our cutie mark or because of our proven talent to do so? My sister is perfectly capable of moving both sun and moon, should she be expected to do both then? What we am saying is I do not believe we should let our special talents determine what we do. We should find what it is we wish to do instead”

“Do you not like being a princess?”

“We do not know” I watch as she walks away, stepping outside onto the balcony.

Feeling the urge to go comfort her I go to get up, stopped immediately by Pinkies hold. She needed an influence to let go so I leaned forward and placed a kiss upon her head. Pulling away I left her a whisper, “I love you but, I need to get up Pinkie”

Almost as if she could hear me the grip around my arm had vanished allowing me to slip out of bed. Approaching the balcony, the cold night breeze helped weather down my sweat. I took my place next to the pondering mare, her shape now transformed to her least royal appearance. As normal as any pony she barely could see over the railing, letting the moonlight brighten her soft blue hair.

“After a conversation with our sister I have been thinking about taking some time off”

I place a hand on her back rubbing it slowly, “That’s a nice idea, you should do that”

When she turns to me it almost looks like she’s about to cry. “Would it be okay if we stayed with you?”

“You.. you want to stay with me? With me and Pinkie in Ponyville?” Bashfully she nods looking away. “But ponies are going to know you’re staying with me. What if they realize we’re courting?”

“I would worry more about our image seeing how we would be skipping out on our duties, so little as they are”

“We can’t-“

“Do not worry about ponies recognizing us, we have a plan for that”

“Which is?”

Giving me a wry smile, she lights her horn creating a large puff of smoke. When it clears the pony before me is only slightly altered. While sharing the same mane and coat, the major difference would be her change of cutie mark and lack of horn. Where the black splotched crescent moon once rested was now a pony skull, similar to the design on the tombs in the morgue and where her horn once was, was now mane.

“Impressed?”

“Luna you almost look exactly the same!”

“What?! We do not! Look, we changed our cutie mark and our horn is gone. No pony would recognize us without the horn!”

“Yes because the pony that looks oddly similar to princess Luna without a horn couldn’t be just that, princess Luna without a horn. Where even is it anyway? Can you still do magic?”

With a light glow above her head, the horn briefly appears again before disappearing. “I can still do magic”

“You still look too similar”

“Joey nopony has seen us in this form besides you and our sister”

“Nopony? What about your voice? You sound and talk the same”

“I can speak correctly if I need to” she even changed the inflection while she spoke.

“Alright fine maybe that’ll work but, what about your name?”

“Call us Lulu as you have been”

“Luna there is no way-“

“Woah! Who the hay is that!?” Unbeknownst to our knowledge Pinkie had woken up, spooked at the arrival of this ‘new’ pony. “Joey who is that?”

“It’s-“

“It is a pleasure to meet you, I am Lulu Moonlight. I am a distant relative of princess Luna if you could not tell from my appearance”

Pinkie absolutely lights up as ‘Lulu’ speaks, rushing over to shake her hoof. “My names Pinkie Pie! I didn’t know Luna had any other relatives! Where are you from? Cloudsdale? I have a friend that used to live in Cloudsdale, actually two! Ones Rainbow Dash, I’m sure you’ve heard of her, and the others Fluttershy! They’re both just the bestest best friends ever and I hope we can be that too!”

Uncharacteristically outgoing Luna matches her smile, “I would love to be friends!”

“Great! Can you believe this Joey? This is.. Joey why aren’t you excited?”

“Pinkie that’s Luna”

“What?! No it’s not silly, it’s Lulu Moonlight!”

The altered Luna stepped between us, “No Pinkie, it is I. We wanted to prove to Joey that our disguise would work”

“Disguise? Are you a Russian spy?”

“W-wait what?”

“Pinkie would you mind if I stayed with you and Joey for a while? We feel a little overwhelmed as of late and could use a vacation”

“Stay with us? Sure that sounds super fun! We have a guest bedroom we never use anyways. It was my room when I first moved so some of my stuff is still in there but, I can just move it all to Joeys room”

“Wait I never-“

“Splendid! We will look forward to living with you both”

“It’s gonna be like a really long sleepover! It’s going to be so much fun!”

“Pinkie there is one thing I need from you”

“Sure what can I do for you?”

“Our identity must remain a secret between us three. Please refer to us as the pony you met earlier”

“You mean Lulu? That’s easy, I play pretend all the time”

“Perfect and this extends to you as well Mr. Marshall”

“Heh, Mr. Marshall” Pinkie giggles behind her.

Crossing my arms I play it cool, “As if I’d be the one to spill the beans”

“Then you are fine with this decision as well? In that case I shall attend to tidying our luggage for the stay. Goodnight to you both!” With a quick exit there wasn’t really much left I could do.

“Good.. night” I spin to Pinkie shaking her by the shoulders, “HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!”

“Wooooahoooah, Luuunaaaa aaasked aaand I saaaid yeeeeesssss”

“Why?!”

“Cause it sounded fun! Plus you heard her Joey, she’s on vacation! We can’t leave a friend hanging without a place to stay!”

“Pinkie how are we supposed to keep this secret for so long? What if one of us messes up? You know how stupid I am!”

“I thought you said you’d never spill the peas?”

“Beans and that was false bravado, how could I make her worry by saying anything else?”

“I don’t know but, we have a new guuuueeeeesssst!”

I have to sit down to sink it all in, “Ugh this is one big headache”

“Wait you don’t have your collar on again do you? Nope! Must be a fever…”

I swat her hoof away from my head, “I don’t have a fever it’s just that this is a lot to take in”

“Not really when you think about it, it’s just Luna and her luggage”

“Not literally Pinkie”

“Hm?”

Falling flat against the bed I sigh, “Eh never mind, we’ll figure it out later”

She jumps beside me shaking the entire mattress, “That’s the spirit!”

As I lay on the bed I let my thoughts wonder to most of the day. Funny enough it was one of my most eventful when you think about it, my talk with Celestia in the morning, the day spent with the girls, and the night spent with Luna and Pinkie yet there was one pony I still forgot about. I never cleared things up with Novella.

“Wait… why is Luna packing up now? I thought I was staying in the castle?”

“Maybe she misspoke?”

“Hm… maybe” another long pause. “Are you heading back today?”

“Yeah… Twilight said we should probably only stay a day. I’m sorry”

“You know… I think the only reason I was able to make it without you until now was because I was so preoccupied. How did you fair? Like what did you do to cope? I don’t mean to ask you in a way that seems like you couldn’t go without me but-“

“I was busy too, Twilight had us dealing with big meany Discord for a long time then there was the whole loopy doopy cutie mark poopy. The first week was tough though”

“The girls were there though right?”

“Uh huh, Dash even stayed with me. She’s more of a nerd then you’d think! She reads her Daring Do books every night even if she’s already read them”

“I’ll have to keep that info for blackmail purposes”

“Why just blackmail? Why not all the colors?”

“You know I can’t tell at times if you’re actually somepony’s dad or Pinkie Pie with all the cheesy jokes you tell”

Looking herself over she nods, “Definitely Pinkie”

“Alright that’s enough goof for one night, let’s go to sleep”

“But if I sleep then it’ll be the morning and I’ll have to say goodbye again” her pouting eyes stab daggers into my chest.

“Piiinkie pleeease you’re killing me”

“Oookay, fine… but, I get to pick out one of your hoodies for my own”

“Deal” I get up and move to blow out any of the remaining candles still lit before hoping back in bed. “Goodnight Pinkie”

“Goodnight love”

My heart…

Our morning was brief and our breakfast rushed. Pinkie had woken up late so we didn’t have much time until her train took off. Partially it was my fault as well but, to be fair I had no idea when she needed to be awake. Sprinting down the streets my poorly dressed self and Pinkies fizzled mane gave all the details necessary to understand what had happened. By the time we make it to the station the girls had appeared to be bickering with the conductor.

“Now jus wait a darn second! She’ll be here any minute I swear”

“Girls! Girls sorry I’m late!”

“Pinkie! We’ve been waiting for over twenty minutes for you!”

“Sorry I slept in, hehe”

“Is this your friend?” A rather pissed off looking stallion asks from the conductors seat.

“Yes, now come on girls say goodbye to Joey and let’s hurry” Twilights the first to greet me with a hug on two hooves. “Stay out of trouble”

“I’ll try”

AJ greeted me next with a hoof bump followed by Dash. “Don’t be a stranger and write us a letter sometime Joey”

“Yeah and next time warn me about Pinkies obsession with cuddling. She nearly killed me in my sleep!”

Shy was next who gave me a little wave, “Oh gosh it was really nice to see you again. I can’t wait for when you get to come home”

“Always fun hanging with you too Shy. Tell Spike I have a present for him when you get back” she gives a little nod floating onto the train.

Rarity approaches next, “Goodbye dear” she leans close to me with a whisper, “And thank you for the dress information. I promise it’ll go to good use”

“No doubt, see ya Rare”

Last was Pinkie still standing at my side. She glances up to me with a pained smile, “You be a good colt you hear?”

“Yes mother” I meet her with a nose boop and a hug before letting her down. “Love you Pinkie”

“Love you Jojo”

“Please for the love of Celestia hurry up already! I have a strict schedule!”

With both shoot him an angry glare. “I’ll figure out the whole Lulu thing so things go smoothly when it does happen, so don’t worry about it”

“Didn’t plan to, see ya big guy”

“See ya little mare”

With a hop onto the train she gives me an air kiss, disappearing into the cart. I stand nearby when she reappears with the rest of the girls, all waving me goodbye with their passing. My smile doesn’t falter until their out of sight.

“That was cute”

“Jesus Christ!” The blue haired mare from theatre was nearly touching my side. “Are you stalking me?”

“Huh? Ha! No, I was just walking by when I saw you”

“That’s awfully convenient”

“Do you really believe it’s hard to notice a large pony on two legs running down the street with an all pink mare beside him?”

“So you only noticed me? That means you’ve been following me”

“Who says I wasn’t waiting for a train”

“Then if I stay here you’ll eventually have to get on a train right?”

“… you’re a busy stallion, I’m sure you have places to be”

I have to laugh, “Pfft, HA! My goodness you are quite the little fan girl aren’t you? Or should I say fan mare?”

“If I say yes will you sign my hoodie?” She even pulls out a marker.

“You really have been waiting for another opportunity haven’t you?” She vigorously nods. “*sigh* fine… give it to me”

She squeals in excitement, “Eeeep! Oh hay oh hay oh hay! Here!”

Taking my time I try to write my best signature. Never one for having pretty cursive added with the fact I’m writing on a hoodie with a marker, the end result isn’t too good. When I hand it back however, her eyes light up.

“This is the coolest thing that’s ever happened to me! I’m never going to wash it!”

“Gross, I have to get going-“

“Where to?”

“The palace, now please leave me to myself. I don’t like company”

“Wait if I told you I knew a quicker way?”

Last time I trusted a stranger in Canterlot I got a whole lot more then I bargained for

“What if I told you I prefer the scenic route?”

“Look it’s really faster I swear” judging off her appearance it seems like she’s really telling the truth but, who was I to know. I didn’t have enough experience with ponies.

“I don’t really know you so don’t take offense when I say this but, I don’t trust you”

“What?! What about when I helped you with that stallion at the theatre? Why would I do that then huh?”

“To gain my trust and trick me to go on some weird back alley route where you’d kidnap me back to your creepy kidnap farm”

She stands there shocked, “Wow that was oddly specific”

I take the moment to start walking away until she rushes to meet my stride, “Wait! At least let me come with you until you reach the palace!”

“Has anypony ever called you annoying before? Maybe not just one pony but many?”

“I mean some but, I think they were just joking”

“Just joking? Huh, and you must think I was just joking when I said I don’t like company”

“Well duh, you were with those ponies at the theatre the other day and the train station”

“Touché blue, touché”

“Blue?”

“I don’t know your name, your manes blue, therefore blue”

“It’s-“

“I don’t care what it is just leave me alone”

“Wow some hero you are”

“I never claimed to be a hero”

Continuing my walk she doesn’t budge, still following close behind. “You know I think it would be pretty cool if you just followed me back there, that way we would’ve already been back”

“Once again I don’t trust you”

“But I’m trustworthy!”

“How am I supposed to know that?”

“Because… okay I’ll be honest I was going to take you past a few of my friends but, it really was faster I swear!”

“Wow I trust you so much more now that you admitted to lying to me”

“Oh come on I’m not that intimidating”

Taking a look back I chuckle, “Heh, yea you’re really not but, if you had a horn you would be”

“Huh? Afraid of unicorns?”

I stop right in my tracks, “Look I’ve already signed your hoodie now can you please just leave me alone?”

A little embarrassed now by my forwardness she fails to keep eye contact, “Sorry… I just thought… I really wanted to say you were my friend to well, my real friends so I figured if I followed you around…”

“We might become friends?”

“Yeah..”

Facepalming, my stupid brain can let me just be an ass without feeling bad. “Ugh, look. If I go and see your friends and tell them we’re friends will you promise to leave me alone?”

She lights up like a Christmas tree, “You really would?”

“Answer my question before I regret it”

“Of course! I totally will! Now just follow me and I promise my friends aren’t like… weird or anything”

“Let’s just hope they aren’t any more weird then you” I whisper to myself.

Taking an immediate turn off the main street, my newly appointed stalker led me down unfamiliar territory. Through a much thinner cobbled path we walked along the high walls of multiple white Canterlot homes, their bodies made of some sort of clay or pastel. This was a complete guess of course, I had absolutely no experience with building homes whatsoever, it’s just that the smooth rounded corners of a few houses along with the soft texture gave a off different normality then anything I was accustomed to. Made me imagine I was in some sort of fancy pony version of Europe.

Most buildings shared balconies as well making the already tight alleyways appear clustered and messy, an urban jungle at points. Whether it be home grown potted plants bleeding over ledges or clothes lines stretched overhead there wasn’t much empty space.

Strangely enough there wasn’t many ponies for a city of this size either at the fault of my guide or perhaps the time of day, everypony at work. I made sure to keep my guard up either way given this mares previous admitted lie.

This mare…

“What’s your name?” She turns her head stopping whatever it was she was saying previously appearing confused. “What you never told me”

“Uh yes I did like just before we started walking this way”

“Oh, sorry I kinda zoned you out”

“… rude. Velvet Cinnamon, call me… actually whatever you want really. I have more than one nickname”

“Oh I’m sure you do like annoying mare or creepy stalker mare or…” her angry look stops my pestering. “Hehe sorry sorry sorry, I was just kidding. Couldn’t pass up the opportunity”

“You could’ve”

“Eeehhh knowing me? Probably not Sin”

“Sin?”

“Yeah like the first part of cinnamon”

“Oh a nickname. Well that’s pretty good, I was worried you’d actually call me stalker or something bad in front of my friends”

“I can be an ass but, I’m not heartless”

Across another four way split path, down a flight of dangerously steep stairs (in my opinion), and to a hole in the wall type building, this little dive appeared to be our spot. Graffiti littered the walls and several punk rock dressed ponies decorated the surroundings. At the sight of my arrival alone they began to whisper amongst themselves excitedly.

“Sin why do I feel like I’m going to regret my decision to follow you?”

“Huh? Is it because the way their dressed? I promise they’re not weird or anything. Most of them are probably too nervous to approach you anyways”

“I don’t like attention” and attention I was sure getting.

“Sorry. Here when we get inside I’ll take us somewhere private”

“You want me to go inside?” Taking a look over the building it was certainly in worse condition then most the ones near the main street, several parts of the paint chipping away and once again the various forms of street art. There even was a small rhythmic beat coming from inside. “Is this a club?”

“Only during the night. During the day it’s just a nice play to chill”

“And do heroine in the restroom, yeah I know these types of places Sin”

“Nopony does.. hair-o-in, in the restroom”

“Do they do drugs?”

She looks away shamefully opening the door, “A few. Not me of course!”

I follow close behind ducking under the small door. “I could tell that much at least, you’re too much of a daddy’s girl”

“I hate my dad”

“Uh huh”

Inside things are pretty dingy. Dark and dirty, I’m glad the lights are dim because I know for a fact most these walls are disgusting by the strange stains alone. I make sure to keep my body away from touching anything as Sin leads me through. The entrance was at first L-shaped leading into a main club floor which was unlit and still littered with the night before’s adventures. Above was a serious of paths that seemed to lead to many more rooms away from the party. At the far end was a bar also unlit and empty, the shelf’s bare as well probably to avoid any sort of theft in a place like this.

Several ponies lay sprawled about as well, some clearly under the influence and some just eating away their day. Either way at my presence they made sure to gawk or wave.

“I guess this attention isn’t that bad given most these ponies probably can’t even tell what day it is”

“Yeah” my guide replies somberly. “I kinda wish they wouldn’t allow anypony to light up in here during the day, it really ruins the place”

“Sin I think the place ruins the place. Whoever owns this building clearly doesn’t care that much”

“I heard it was a stallion named Persuasive Hoof but, I’ve never seen him here before”

Upstairs Sin leads me down a long hallway into a residential type looking area. Curtains remained down covering each window yet they failed miserably given this hallway was more lit then any other part of the building so far. The whole experience had become depressing very fast and I didn’t want to stay long.

“Your friends live here?”

“Uh, yeah they do. I kinda wish they’d move but, they always argue with me”

“How come?”

“This place used to be a lot nicer a while ago. They always say it’ll get fixed up soon when the owner sells the building but, they’ve been saying that for almost two years now”

“Your friends don’t… they aren’t like the ponies downstairs are they?”

Again she appears to get a little flushed, “Please don’t judge them, please. It’s really hard to live at a place like this and not have a few issues”

“Sin they have no excuse, they willingly choose to live here”

“They can’t afford to move!”

“Yes they can, they live in fuckin Canterlot for shits sake. Just tell them to move somewhere cheaper like a small town like Ponyville”

“I’m telling you they can’t afford to move. Steady is the only one with a job and he can barely afford the rent let alone a train ticket and a new place. Plus Ras is… she’s dealing with some stuff and I don’t know if she can just quit on the spot”

This was a part of Equestria I never hoped existed yet, the similarities to Earth still remained. Strangely I felt an urge to use my connections to help but, I’m sure Celestia and Luna already know about places like this. You can’t lead a country and also deal with every issue that plagues your ponies at the same time. They may be seen as gods but, only a few know how close they really are to any other pony.

When I come back from my thoughts Sin had already starting knocking on a well worn door. Most of the paint was chipped away and more came off with each knock.

A stir inside leads to approaching hoofsteps and then a reveal. “Velvet! What’s up?”

“Hey, I just thought I should show you both a new friend I met at the theatre the other day. You know the one you said I was totally lying about?”

“No way! You don’t mean…?” Appearing from the door, a small green stallion peeked in my direction. His eyes widen at the sight. “Yooooo no way! Come in, come in!”

Motioning with a hoof Velvet looked back to me to judge my reaction. Apprehensive I shrugged.

Sitting down on their coach it was oddly more pleasant inside their apartment then I’d imagined. Things were as well kept as they could be for a building like this and it was rather spacious as well. Although you could see almost every room in the apartment from my spot alone it was nicer than most. Kinda dim though.

“This is a nice place you got here”

“Thanks! Vel always says we should move” he throws a little shade her way with a glance.

He was awfully small for a stallion and skinny as well. His hair was a little messy likely from just waking up but, all together he didn’t seem to far from ordinary.

“Yeah cause the ponies that hang around here are gross!” Steady appears to get almost offended at the comment before Velvet continues, “Most of them at least. I just don’t like seeing ponies all messed up like that”

“Neither do I…” his voice fell a little flat.

“Anyways my buddy Sin here said her friends think I’m some sort of deity as well so I figured I’d stop by to see if she’s the only goof that thinks so”

“Heh deity. Nah dude, only Vel thinks you’re some sort of god but, me and my Ras still think you’re pretty cool. It’s not often you see a pony really stick it to the nobles and not give a hay”

“I don’t really stick it to the nobles at least I don’t think”

Velvet heats up beside me, “What?! Yeah you do! Everyday when you go around Canterlot without dressing up or like cussing out ponies when they yell at you. It’s pretty cool cause most ponies wouldn’t dare mess with a noble”

Steady’s ears lowered and he appeared bothered. “Yeah, I’ve heard some stories about what they could do if you get on their bad sides”

“Pfft, nothing? They probably would go and complain to Celly or Lulu about it with their ass all tight”

“Who’s Celly and Lulu?”

“Uh? Oh, my bad. Celestia or Luna”

“Holy… you don’t actually know the princesses do you?”

“Steady he lives in the palace with them, how wouldn’t he know them?”

“Sin why do you know so much about me?”

She blushes, “I-I uh..”

“Cause she’s obsessed about you”

“I am not!”

“Uh huh, and who was the mare who showed up last night and yelled about meeting the human for like three hours?”

“It was not three hours”

While we continued to discuss Cinnamon’s strange stalker habits, a door to the side opened revealing a light red mare with a black mane. Yawning she got the attention of everypony allowing me to inspect her a little longer without looking strange. Skinny like her coltfriend or what I can only guess is her coltfriend, she also rocked a messy mane. Although I couldn’t see her eye color, I could spot the freckle like mole just above her lip to the side. A new detail to ponies I didn’t know they could have.

“What’s with all the yelling?” When she’s done rubbing her eyes she spots the stranger creature sitting in her living room. “And w-who’s that?”

“Woah manners Raspberry, it’s the human that lives with the princesses. Um…”

“Joey, my names Joey”

“Joey, see? He’s actually friends with Velvet!”

Turning away from the other two, Velvet throws me a wink. I give a huff and an eye roll in return.

“Wow that’s awesome Vely-“ slipping next to Steady she lays into his lap. “-I’ll be honest I thought you were just joking”

There’s a spark within me to back up Velvets claim but, I makes sure to drown the flame and lean back to let her do all the work. If she wanted to prove we were friends she’d need to work for it.

“Well I wasn’t see?” She says with both hooves displaying me.

Looking a little concerned at my lack of enthusiasm Steady tilts his head, “You sure you aren’t just bothering our human guest here by following him around like you did that DJ mare?”

She totally is

“What? No, we’ve become fast friends right?”

“Yeah, how about you tell them a little about me to prove it”

She pulls at the choker around her neck uncomfortably, “Oh uh… wow hehe.. where to start. Um…”

“Joey is she bothering you? Did she follow you around town today until you agreed to come over?”

“Honestly-“

“Steady easy with all the questions, you never even let me explain about how we met today, see we were planning to meet up after yesterday”

Squinted he watched me closely, “You were?”

Stone cold I reply, “Yep, Sin’s decision”

“Huh and where’d you two decide to meet up at?”

“The train station” I answer before she can even come up with a lie.

She turns over to me clearly ticked off at my response, “Yeah hehe we sure did”

“That’s kind of a weird spot”

“Joey likes trains. Apparently they didn’t have public transportation back where he’s from”

Thanks for making me seem like a little kid or a retard Velvet

This seemed to peak Ras’s interest, “Oh really? Where are you from exactly? I heard you’re not from this world so I was wondering what your home planet would be like”

“I’ve already explained it to a whole bunch of ponies so how about you just tell them Velvet. Please”

“Oh no problem. He.. his home planet is like ours expect things are a lot more… uncivilized”

“He seems pretty civil to me Vel”

“Well he’s not from a part that’s uncivil but, that’s because he’s a noble. It’s part of the reason he stays at the palace”

“Oh well that would make sense”

When Velvet checks to see my reaction I give a smirk.

So I’m a noble now huh?

“Sorry by the way for.. having to see that stuff downstairs. We’d move if we could but, we’ve never had the bits” Steady says apologetically.

“Oh that wasn’t a problem at all, please don’t apologize. We had those types of issues back where I’m from”

“Your planet had drug abuse as well?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe. Shit really bums me out to see” something about what I said causes Ras to squirm a little.

“It’s really tough around this part of Canterlot. Guess it kinda comes with ponies dealing with a lot” he hugs his mare close, stroking her mane with a hoof.

I get the message. “I um… damn. Maybe we should change the subject to my new buddy. She really did bail me out when we first met”

“I really did. Some old stallion was getting all grump about Joey cutting in line. It was a misunderstanding and I had to hold the geezer back from freaking out”

“My marefriend and another friend of mine were there to see a movie but, that old coot thought I was cutting or something and when I tried to explain what I was doing he wasn’t having any of it, shouting out stuff like ‘I know a charlatan when I see one’”

Everypony laughs some at my terrible impersonation. “He really was! You should’ve heard what he said after you went up front, saying stuff like ‘things were better when it was just ponies’ and stuff like that. Ugh ponies can be such turds when it comes to new things”

Ras laughs, “Velvy you’re a pony”

“She’s a turd too” they both laugh.

“Hardy har har, laugh it up while you can”

“And they will but, I gotta be honest. I promised Luna I’d be back quickly so I oughta get going before she sends a search party. Thanks for having me even if it was only for a few minutes”

“Oh the pleasures ours, you’ve been absolutely wonderful!”

“Whaaaat? I didn’t even do anything”

“Oh yes you did, you became friends with our little Velvy here you see she doesn’t get along well with most ponies”

“Stop acting like my mom, I totally get along with everypony”

“When you say everypony do you mean just me and Ras?”

“No I.. flank you two can be so frustrating! I’ll be outside when you’re done saying goodbye Joey” she stomps off without another word.

“Thanks for having us it-“

“You’re not really friends are you?”

Guess the secrets out. I glance back to the doorway before whispering back, “No but, she promised to leave me alone if I came”

Snickering they both give me the brightest smiles a pony can muster, “Thanks for putting up with her, I’m sure it was a exhausting”

“And thank you for coming over and pretending to be her friend. She really looks up to us for some reason and always wants to impress us so when you came over she must’ve been super pumped”

“It was that or let her bother me all day”

“We know you didn’t actually have to go with her”

“Of course-“ the smirks on their faces told me enough. They weren’t buying any excuses. “Okay I felt like spoiling the brat. There I admit it”

“See don’t you feel better?”

“Not really”

“Maybe humans and ponies don’t feel the same when it comes to these things. Either way, thanks again”

“It really was nothing” I give a wave walking toward the door but, just when I reach the hallway I feel compelled to do something a little extra.

Call it overexposure from being around ponies all day or my heart aching from the environment, I reach into my pocket and pull out a bag of bits I normally carry around. Although in my opinion it isn’t a large amount, I know for Equestrian standards it’s a hefty purse to be swinging around for just petty purchases. Confused they look at me until I hold out my hand.

“Give me your hoof”

“Why?” Steady asks, following my command.

“Because you need this more than I do”

When he pulls his hoof back he looks to me with genuine surprise, “W-wait.. are these b-bits? How much is this?”

“I don’t know, about five hundred bits. Celestia pays me every month from an incident that happened under her supervision so it’s not like I had to work for it”

“This.. this is too much! Please you gotta take some of this back I mean you don’t even know us!”

With a smile I start walking my way out, “Sure I do. You’re Cinnamons friends. Now make sure you use that to help move out of town, this place is way too depressing to stay long term plus…” I pause looking to Ras, “I think you both need a change of scenery”

Unable to hold back her emotions, Raspberry begins to cry in her coltfriends hooves while he fights to hold his own emotions. “T-thank you! Really… Faust bless you!”

Shutting the door I see Sin down the hall tapping her hoof. “Done yet?”

When I start to walk past her she follows close until we’ve left the building and are even back on the main street. Checking to see if she’s still following I can tell something’s on her mind. “Sin?”

“I should probably stop following you now shouldn’t I?”

“Probably but, I was wondering if a friend of mine I happened to just meet would be willing to follow me instead? You see I kinda get bored on these long walks and could really use the company of-“

“There’s no need to say anymore! I’ll be at your side the whole way!”

Chuckling I ruffle her blue mane, “You’re awfully chipper for a mare that dresses like that”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Never heard of emo? Where do I start?”

Finally back at the palace after a weird morning, i wave off my new friend and start my way through the palace, up the stairs until I’ve reached the ‘secret’ floor to Luna’s bedroom. With a few knocks I lean back and await her response.

…

I give a few more knocks.

…

“Shes already up? It’s day, what is she doing?”

Did she actually pack her things for coming to Ponyville?

Now concerned I make my way to my room to grab the magic parchment, writing a letter to Luna asking where she is, only I get no reply even after twenty minutes of walking. Moving to plan b, I start moving to the throne room, stopped by the door guards when I arrive.

“Halt, no entering without the princesses consent”

“What? You two let me through all the other times, what changed?”

“Princess Celestia has not arrived for her morning court therefore the throne room is off limits until otherwise”

“Off limits? Wait, where is she?” They don’t reply. “Do you even know where she is?” Now they both look to each other worryingly. “Holy shit what’s going on?”

Taking my parchment I start writing a letter to Celestia as well however, this one is met with silence as well. This wasn’t good for my heart and my brain knew all too well where this was going. A one way bullet train to panic attack city. If I didn’t get my breathing under control soon I’d be in serious trouble. I rush back to my room slamming open the door and locking it behind me.

What if there’s a new villain or some shit? Holy fuck I don’t know what to do!

With my head in my hands and tensions high I don’t even notice Novella entering the room. “Um.. Joey?”

“FLYING FUCK HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?” I say grasping my chest.

Shocked from my explosive response she holds out a pair of keys from her hoof. “It’s part of my job?”

“Novy thank god you’re here though” I rush over giving her a hug. “Something’s going on and I don’t know what to do”

Angrily she pushes off me, “Can you not touch me?!”

“Do you know where Luna and Celestia are?”

“Princess Luna is in her room and Celestia should be at day court”

“Do you have keys to Luna’s room?”

“Yeah but-“

“Then come with me we have to check if she’s in there”

“What? Why, wait what’s going on?”

Nearly tripping over her maid outfit with each step she races behind me trying to keep up. With Luna’s door accessible I allow Novella the honors when we finally do arrive. With a few clinks the doors makes a loud sound and she pushes her way in politely.

“Princess Luna, your coltfriend touched me… she’s not here”

Peeking around her it was indeed true. “Novella the princesses are missing, what are we supposed to do if they’re missing?”

“I uh.. I don’t know! I was never told what I should do if they both disappeared! I’m just a bucking maid!” She was starting to panic now as well.

What am I doing? I’m the adult here, I need to keep a level head… or at least pretend to

“I’ll.. write a letter to Twilight and see what she thinks we should do”

“T-that’s a good idea!” Near the entrance, a loud clutter followed by sheets of armor clinking together frightens the both of us into the air. Novella immediately hides behind my legs. “Take him! He has more meat on his bones!”

“What?! She’s lying I..” frozen by the pony entering, it’s one of Celestia’s valkyries.

With a kneel she begins to speak, “Prince Marshall, it has become evident that both of the princesses are missing. Given Luna’s request to keep your title as prince until her passing is proven, you know hold the highest position of power within the palace grounds. The valkyries are at your command until another princess is present”

“Wait you’re kidding?” She doesn’t budge, still kneeling before me.

“Tell her to do something Joey!”

“Uhh… until we find either of the princesses, make it a priority to protect any individuals of high standing within palace grounds. If we can, evacuate them somewhere safe so it’s easier to keep a watch and um.. keep looking for the princesses”

“As you command” standing tall she leaves the room only to renter shortly after.

“Aren’t you going to give the command?”

“We just have”

“What about looking for the princesses?”

“Our command was to watch over and protect prince Marshall until further notice, orders directly from princess Luna herself”

“When did she say that?”

“At your first arrival”

“My first arrival? Bullshit, I’ve never seen you once the entire time I’ve been staying here!”

“It’s is our duty to appear unseen unless our main priority should be conflicted by remaining concealed”

“So you’ve been following me even today?”

“Yes”

“Prove it”

“You left the palace around 8:30 this morning and headed to the train station with the element of laughter then met with an individual named Velvet Cinnamon who then convinced you to follow her to a nightclub”

“You at least followed me for today I’ll give you that”

“Joey do you have any idea what’s going on? How do you know they’re both missing?”

“Cause I went to day court and the guards there said Celestia never arrived!”

“Holy buck…”

“Should we move to a more secure location prince Marshall?”

“… wait at least until Twilight replies to my letter. If she comes back I’d like to at least be ready to tell her all that’s going on”

“Understood” Stepping aside the Valkyrie moved to the door holding guard over its entrance.

Panicked, Novella had to sit down to calm herself. “This is insane”

Taking my parchment I quickly address a letter to Twilight explaining briefly what has occurred and asking for her guidance. “Pretty on par with everything that’s happened since I got stuck here” With a flick of the roll it’s off and sent.

“This isn’t on par! We’re missing the two most important ponies in Equestria! Who’s going to protect us if whatever it is that took them is still out there?”

“Whatever, whoever, I really don’t care. All we need to do is gather everypony we still have and figure out what’s going on first. Who knows, maybe they just left to some other realm with Discord”

*poof*

It was a returned letter, Spike sent and all. She must be already back home. Peeling open the seal I scan over the short note to see Twilights advice.

‘Things are getting strange here as well, I’ll explain when I get there’

~Twilight

“She’s coming here? Also she said ‘things are getting strange here as well’”

Checking the letter herself Novy puts it down turning to me worried, “You think there’s other ponies disappearing as well?”

A voice from the door responded, “There has been no reports of any other individuals missing, either reported from guard or sent in by civilian”

“Do you think we should tell ponies about what’s going on?”

“No, absolutely not! Last thing we need is for ponies freaking out thinking there’s a pony snatching villain out there capable of taking both the strongest ponies alive. We keep this a secret between me, you, Twilight, and that guard over there”

“The entire valkyrie division was required to be filled in, in order to relay the current mission status”

“Okay, me, you, Twilight, and the valkyries”

“What about princess Cadance? Do you think she could help?”

“The Crystal Empire is pretty far away but, I can write her a letter filling her in at least”

Taking the time to do just that Novella found herself leaned against Luna’s desk, sitting on the floor. Her eyes searched for answers in the abyss, lost in thought.

“Joey.. if we die-“

“Nopony is going to die”

“Yeah but, if we do… I just wanted to say I’m sorry”

“Can we not do this? Nopony is dead or is going to die. We’re going to talk with Twi when she gets here and find the princesses without any issue okay? This is all probably a prank by that Discord guy, he did just get ‘reformed’ the other day”

“Okay but, I still need to apologize in case I don’t get the chance too! I never want to regret not saying sorry to a pony again”

I sit down beside her, “Past regrets?” She nods. With a large inhale and exhale I throw my parchment back onto the bed. “I’m sorry too. I really freaked out on you and I can’t really take back what I did so if you don’t want to be my maid anymore I understand”

“I didn’t know how much you’d been through. If I really knew… I wouldn’t have assumed you were some rich aristocrat…”

“Heh, you really should’ve seen that one though. I don’t exactly fit the mold of what a noble typically acts like”

“Entitled?”

“Cocky?”

“Rude?”

“Ignorant?” Sharing a chuckle I ruffle her mane fast enough to avoid her swatting hoof. “How about a fresh start?”

Her angry expression from my antics start to die down and she sticks a hoof out towards me, “Fresh start” Meeting hoof and hand the agreement is settled.

“Good. Now we can die friends” I lay back closing my eyes peacefully.

“YOU SAID-“

Still less than hour since the discovery, our secret party of three remained hidden up in Luna’s chambers. Novy peeked through the blinds while our guard still covered the entrance, occasionally stepping outside to be informed on the search. I currently sat at the end of Luna’s bed, admiring an old image of herself and her sister. It was a wonder it lasted this long as they both were without the qualities that make them alicorn today. Celestia’s pink mane was split by a long white horn while Luna kept her neatly maintained feathers to her sides. A unicorn and a pegasus, both blindly innocent to the future they held, an endless lifespan riddled with responsibility. How I felt blessed to have a mortal lifespan.

I rubbed a finger over the image to clear some of the dust, my thumb revealing a clearer image of Luna’s adolescent face. “What do I do Luna?”

“Prince Marshall” I’m brought back to the present leaving the picture on her bed.

“Any news?”

“Princess Twilight Sparkle has just arrived. Should we send her to your location or would you like to meet her in the throne room?”

Checking on Novella, she still seemed awfully scared at the pace of everything. “Have her meet us here. This floor of the palace is more safe to talk in then the throne room”

“Didn’t Luna disappear in this room?”

“We don’t know that for sure but, I do know not many ponies know of this floor so I’d rather play the odds”

“I will send word to her of our location”

Left alone for the moment, I start to gather my things. Watching over in question, Novella made her way in front of me to catch my attention. “What are you doing? Are you leaving?”

“I get the feeling that we can’t stay here. If Luna and Celestia were both in the palace when they vanished then this place isn’t safe enough to stay in. We’ll have to wait to see what Twilight says when she gets here though”

“You’re not going to leave me here alone are you?”

Smirking I stifle a laugh, “For the way you treat me I’d expect you to be glad”

“Maybe under normal circumstances but, not right now!”

“How about this, I promise to leave you with my personal guard while I go with Twilight. If there’s anypony else they’d want, it would be Twilight so it would be better for you if she didn’t stay here”

“You think somepony is going after the princesses?”

“Hard not to assume”

“This really sucks. Ever since you came here everything has gone completely haywire for me!”

“Hey! This is not my fault!”

“Trouble sure does seem to follow you…”

“You think my issue has something to do with this? These two circumstances are completely irrelevant to each other”

“How could you tell huh? I think it’s a pretty good guess”

“Emphasis on guess”

“Joey?” Emerging from the door with the valkyrie in tow, Twilight made her way over to me with a hug, checking me over for any injuries. “What’s going on? What happened to the princesses?”

“We don’t know, they just disappeared. What happened with you? You okay?”

“I’m fine and so are the girls but, Ponyville is under attack from all these weird plants! They’re all over the place and they’re destroying the town! We were going to ask Celestia what she might think but, now that she’s missing I have no idea what to do!”

“Maybe the weird shit going on in Ponyville has something to do with the princesses?”

“Maybe… if we’re going to do anything though we need to head back now, things were getting pretty dicey when I left”

“Sounds like our best option only how do you expect me to get there? In case you haven’t noticed I don’t have wings”

“I could fly us both”

“Twilight you just got your wings and I saw you fly with them already. You’ll kill us both”

“I flew here didn’t I?”

“… you really think you can carry me?”

“Why not? I’m a big mare”

Kneeling before us the valkyrie broke her silence, “I could carry him princess”

“No, I want you staying here watching over Novella”

She blinks twice unsure she heard me correctly, “The maid?”

“Yeah the maid. She’s my personal assistant so I expect you to keep her safe while I’m gone”

“Surely our abilities could be better utilized protecting-“

“I’ll be fine. Besides, I got a princess with me” I give Twi a little shove which she clearly wasn’t ready for, stumbling slightly before catching her balance with a smile.

“Heheh”

“Your orders conflict with princess Luna’s”

“Then let my word be final given her absence, he will be escorted by myself alone”

“So be it”

Swinging the door open with her magic Twilight runs out the room yelling to me, “Come on, we have no time to lose!”

“You sure you can carry me?”

Grunting beneath me from the added weight she refuses to break her confident smirk. “Trust me, I’ve got this” Flapping her wings we start to lift off. The motion causes me to instinctively grab around, holding a little too tightly for Twilights liking. “Joey please… you’re choking me”

“Sorry!” Ten feet turns to twenty, which turns to fifty and then cloud coverage. High above where the suns rays are unhindered she takes us into the jet stream. Such high winds make things awfully bumpy and I have to squint just to see but, my steed does not falter. I take a moment to throw out an opportunity I’d likely never get again. “Show me the meaning of haste”

“Huh?! What?! I can’t hear you with all this wind!”

“Nothing! Just… keep flying!”

“Uh… o-okay!”

Fighting against the battering gusts I have to hold close to avoid falling. With my face pressed against Twilights side it’s then I notice how far up we are. I don’t even waste a second clenching down harder making her shout in surprise.

“Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuuuuckkkk”

“Could you loosen up a little? You’re holding on too tight!”

Closing my eyes it’s the only option I have, “Sorry again!”

The wind doesn’t die down ever and the trip starts to feel longer and longer each extra minute. I was anxious as hell to get down soon as possible. Unfortunately, the painstakingly long flight takes a while before I can start to feel Twilight lean forward lowering us toward the ground, it’s then I peek again.

Vines. They grew everywhere from rooftops to the many dirt paths in and out of Ponyville. The most noticeable thing would be the town hall standing tall among its constituents. Wrapped in its own veiny prison the sides appeared to become cracked at the pressure. I scanned the horizon for any reason or location they appeared from finding none. They were too chaotic, wrapped in various ways and angles even coming from the ground in most spots. It’s like the town was being eaten from below, pulled into the earths mighty claws, both massive and spiked. Yes, there wasn’t a vine without its own protective spiny coat, spikes sharp enough to shred stone.

Twilight put us down near her tree home, a few of the girls noticeably present from the shouting going on around the corner. Their arguing helped draw conclusion on who to expect yet, one voice in particular wasn’t familiar. It balanced upon a knifes edge whether to be masculine or feminine, laced with bravado. I was still sure it was a he but, the more he spoke the more these hairs on my neck stood tall. Taking lead Twilight rounded the corner first holding a hoof for me to stay.

“Discord! What did you do with the princesses!”

“Why what ever do you mean? My dear friend Spike can even vouch I’ve been with him the entire day! Can’t you Spike?” He finished his words with an almost poisoning delivery, my face contorting in disgust. I felt an urge to peek a look.

“Yeah you were and I wasn’t any better for it! Twilight he’s been causing trouble for me everywhere I go, from Fluttershy’s house, the bakery, even when I went to the bathroom!”

“Like two peas in a pod!”

“I don’t care if you have an alibi, I know you have something to do with this!”

“Are you assuming I’ve done something horrible and wicked in the past that may or may not have caused this whole mess because if so I would gladly take the credit. It’s not often you see a mess of this scale so unexpectedly! So beautifully chaotic!”

“See! It was him! We should kick his flank for-“

“Hold on now my flamboyantly colored friend, I never said I ever caused this. What I said was I would take the credit. Not often do you see a town so crestfallen and without a pony to blame”

“But I bet you know what’s caused this don’t you!”

“Me? Nope, not the slightest clue. I have absolutely nothing to hide”

“If you’re supposed to be our friend, then you wouldn’t let all of this happen to Ponyville! You have to help us clean this up!”

“So feisty and angry! Why I love that raspy voice as well, it’s devilishly seductive”

“What?!” Based on her tone I can tell how flustered she is.

“If you all claim to be my friend as well, then why do you insist on lying to me?”

“What are we lying about? That you’re rude and inconsiderate?”

“That there is another…”

My body runs cold and wet tendril like arms began to wrap over my back yet, when I look I find no culprit. I’m covered in goosebumps, ears deaf of any sound. With a slow turn the large shadowy figure looms over me without a single inch of movement. Almost eight or nine feet tall and slender, his frame stands still, as if he doesn’t even breath. Then slowly, he lowers his elongated neck to meet me face to face, smiling brightly with a single large fang protruding from his mouth.

“Hello my new friend. You surely aren’t a pony now are you”

I didn’t feel like being friends, “Very astute of you, you must be a pretty smart… whatever you are”

Whatever you are was a pretty good description as well. A hodgepodge of various body parts made the creature before me. A dragon tail, a lions paw, a donkeys mane, a horses leg. Nothing quite made sense about him and I guess it fit the character description I was told.

“Very” With a poof I’m with the girls, while my newly met annoyance rested a hand on my head for balance. “Twilight this has to be one of the poorest attempts of hiding a pony I mean he’s practically radiating magic!” Standing close he gives me a sniff. “Ooo potent”

I bat his hand away angrily, “Don’t touch me and what the fucks your problem teleporting me like that? If you ever touch me with magic again-“

Snapping his finger I’m transformed into a pony myself. I only notice as the change from two feet to four sends me tumbling onto my ass, staring straight up at my new brown appendages.

“And why can’t I if I might ask? I don’t see how it’s fair that you could stain the air with your vile magic and not let me use some of mine. This relationship can’t always be one sided you know”

“Change me back! Change me the fuck back!”

“And miss out on such an adorable stallion? Or would you prefer I make you a mare instead?”

Placing a hoof on my shoulder Twilight gives me a reassuring look, “While Joey is much cuter as a pony you still didn’t ask him permission to be changed like that now unless you want to be turned back into stone I suggest you turn him back to normal”

“Back to normal? This is normal! He wasn’t anything close to normal before! To be honest I believe this is better for him in the long run”

“Discord!” Fluttershy surprisingly shouts, “Change him back right now!”

Surprised himself he snaps a finger changing me back human, still on my ass. “Okay okay, I was only kidding”

“I’ve already had enough of this fuckin dude now let’s just focus on fixing this weird vine shit first and ignore the freak”

“The freak?!” He stands aghast, supposedly offended. “I’ve never felt so offended in my life”

“Joey that’s being too mean, apologize”

“Shy he turned me into-“

“Apologize!”

Frowning I look over to the now relaxing Discord, his ear comically large waiting for an apology. “You’re not a freak”

“Joey…”

“What?! I took back what I said!”

“It’s fine Fluttershy, I do believe he is just suffering from jealousy of seeing a pony so much better looking then himself”

“Uh huh”

“See? He even agrees!”

“Can’t you girls just zap him into stone again? I don’t see what value he really brings if he’s not here to help”

“Zap me again pfft, if I truly felt my life was in danger I would’ve easily torn you all limb from limb with a snap of my finger”

“Yeah he’s like definitely still evil”

Twilight turned to me confused, “What are you talking about?”

“Didn’t you just hear what he said?”

“What who said?”

“Discord!”

“I never spoke”

“Yes you did”

“Joey nopony said anything” the rest of the girls nodded in agreement.

It wasn’t until I turned to Discord where I was struck with a horrific flash image of his potential. Still in the very same spot he stood atop the elements, their bodies bloodied and mutilated, holding a very familiar looking human in his claw.

“Fucking Christ!”

“Joey! What is a matter with you?”

“None of you saw that?!”

“Saw what?! You’re starting to freak me out”

Not wanting to scrape it up as imagination, I decide to keep my eye on Discord for the remainder of my time, dropping the freak out all together. “It’s… nothing just ignore I said anything”

“Are you sure cause-“

“I’m sure”

Not really appearing to trust me she shrugs, “Anyways we need to figure out where these vines are coming from. Has anypony seen if Dash is done scouting?”

Twilight, Shy, and Spike talk amongst themselves on the next plan of action however, the instant I remove my eye from Discord I can feel his presence beside me. “Your magic is going to kill you, you know?”

“Gee Sherlock, how’d you figure that out?”

“The simply fact it begs to pour out of you like a waterfall. If it wasn’t for that cute little cat collar you had there I’d bet you’d be dead in under a month”

“How much do you know about my magic exactly? Celestia said it couldn’t have been you that sent me here or gave me this shit issue but, I feel like you still know more than any other pony”

“And what’s in it for me?”

“I don’t show Luna the image you burned into my skull in the dreamscape”

“What a pesky way to trouble me! I hadn’t even thought of that! I must be rusty… okay deal young mortal, I’ll tell you this. Your magic tastes horrible”

“That’s… that’s it?”

“Of course it’s not imbecile now listen closely as I won’t repeat this. That magic has the power to corrupt and kill even a god yet, you will never possess the power to yield it. Not even the individual who brought it here could handle it himself”

“You knew Quantum Matter?”

“More like met. He wasn’t exactly the sane type so I kept my distance”

“The god of chaos felt threatened by a suicidal pony?”

“There is so much you do not know”

“So you’re hiding more from me? What’s stopping me from telling the princesses?”

“For starters I will not squeal. Snitches get stitches and all that. Secondly, if I am turned back to stone, you will be left with more questions then answers”

“It’s not like you’re going to tell me anything anyways”

“Ahah! That’s where you’re wrong! You see I find you fascinating. Truthfully I’ve known of your presence for much longer then you’d imagine. It’s kind of hard to avoid a magic sniffing dog such as myself with such a horribly scented soul so following you hasn’t been much of an issue”

“You were trapped in stone”

“As if that could stop me…” he devilishly chuckled. “Alas your misfortune is entertaining and if keeping you alive requires throwing a few extra guiding hints your way every so often then I will oblige”

“So you’ll help me if it means I stay alive to… entertain you?”

“Mortals are strange and unpredictable. You’d be amazed”

I was left conflicted. Should I tell the others and miss out on any advice or risk the chance he destroys everything? From the sound of it, if he really wanted to do that he would’ve already so what’s the harm of keeping a secret? Besides, I’m really good a keeping incredibly important info to myself, it’s like a talent!

“I’ll stay quiet but, I want another hint”

“You are greedy”

“And you’re an idiot, now tell me”

“Awfully demanding for such a weakling, should I remind you of the place you stand?” With anger his presence grows, hovering over me even more. His own shadow’s touch cools my body with an icy brush.

“I know you’re bluffing about not actually being trapped in stone otherwise you wouldn’t be so easily convinced by Shy to be friends. Because of that fact alone I know you’re willing to tell me more”

“No I do enjoy Fluttershy’s company that is true however, the arrogant belief that you could outwit me is offensive. Do you truly understand the power I yield? I could remove you from time itself, all of those memories, all of those actions, lost like tears in rain. You wouldn’t even be remembered”

“Discord, leave Joey alone if you’re not going to help! And Joey, come follow us, Dash found where the vines are coming from”

“Tootaloo, it appears our conversation will have to be left for another time… if there ever is one” cheerfully he waves me off.

The chills on my spine don’t fade until I cover a good distance from him, still rattled from his strange aura. He was unpredictable and seemingly much more powerful then anypony I’d met up to this point. If there was a list of individuals I would hate to be on the bad side of, he would have just found his way to the top.

Caught up fully, Twilight notices my approach and comes close to question me. “Discord didn’t do anything weird to you did he? You acted all strange earlier, what was that about?”

“I don’t know… he just gave me bad vibes you know? I really don’t trust him and I don’t think you girls should either”

“Thankfully I think most of us don’t already. If he really wanted to gain our trust I figured he would’ve helped us with this at least but, I guess his motives are unpredictable as well”

“Hopefully he doesn’t get bored with playing nice guy soon, I’d like to take a break from the evil villainy we constantly face”

“Me too, hopefully this turns out to be just a weird tree and not another big bad pony from the past”

Our path went farther away from the town as Dash led the way flying from above. As we kept moving the rest of the girls joined in with us, most dirty and bruised from helping out around. Pinkie rushed over to me without hesitation, her mane messy and riddled with debris.

“What are you doing here? There’s all kinds of scary nasty vine things all around, you shouldn’t be here! But.. it’s not like I don’t want you to be here I mean I do enjoy being around you….”

I shake her by the shoulders to regain her focus, “Pinkie, the princesses are missing and Twilight thinks what’s going on here might have something to do with it. I came back to help out since there was no point staying at the palace”

“But Canterlot is like extra duper safe!”

“If the princesses could disappear staying there then how safe would I be?”

“Okay maybe not thaaaat safe but things aren’t any better here!”

“I’m with you now so I’d say things are better”

“Can you two stop kissing and hurry up, we’re almost at the edge of the Everfree!” As she yells, the overarching canopy causes her to land with the rest of us on foot. “Ack, it’s all thick! I can’t see a thing from up there!”

“Then you’ll have to stay on the ground with us Dash” pausing near the forest entrance, Twilight gathered us together. “Everypony stick close together and form a circle. Dash and AJ lead while Pinkie and Joey take the back. Rarity and I will take the middle and provide protection if anything attacks us”

“What about Shy? Is she supposed to hide in the middle?” Flutters nods in agreement.

“Heheh, yeah… Fluttershy, how about you stay in between us all, for you’re safety of course”

“Fluttershy can take care of herself! Ain’t that right?” She doesn’t seem to really agree.

I take a step forward, “We all know Fluttershy has her strengths and weaknesses but, if we’re being honest we should make sure she isn’t going to pass out on us if things get hectic” Dash shakes her head behind Shy while the rest of girls awkwardly look away. “What?! You all were thinking it, it’s just I was the only one with the balls to say it. Besides if she does pass out and she’s in the middle I can scoop her up and carry her”

“Uh.. I think it’s probably the best idea too”

There’s a followed sigh of relief along with Dash punching my shoulder. “You didn’t have to go out and say it”

Not too deep in, the terrain had become incredibly troubling. Thickets and vines, steep cliffs and valleys, small trenches and dark sunken pits, every step was more dangerous then the next. Each of us took our time at different paces. Twilight was cautious keeping an eye out for trouble. Dash was attentive, scanning our path along the vines. Fluttershy stayed timid, as if her very own footsteps could cause earthquakes. Pinkie remained painfully ignorant, leaping and avoiding deadly slip ups by near centimeters. Lastly, Rarity, Aj, and I remained concerned, all too certain our peace would be cut short.

Taking a leap over a few stones sticking from the ponds surface, Pinkie had already broke the alignment unaware of her speed.

“Pinkie! Slow down! You’re not following- Joey can you get her to slow down?”

Taking a step myself onto one of the stones I slowly make my way across. “Pinkie! It’s cool you’re having fun and all with this but-“ I’m cut off as the stone beneath me starts to rise. “Oh shit”

Throwing me to the side, half in water, half out, I land violently in the mud. When I wipe some of the sludge from my eyes the sight above me makes me feel like it’s time to pass on to the afterlife.

Hovering above still unaware of my presence, a alligator type creature made of stone looked for its disturber with killer intensity. I laid still, hoping the mud was concealing enough to hide me. Dash was the first to act.

“Hey ugly! Look over here!” It obliged and took two long strides from its former resting place, stepping atop my leg in the process.

Had the riverbed floor not been as soft as it had been, my leg would’ve snapped in two. Thankfully, it was forgiving, burying it deep under the water and nearly submerging my entire body down with it. My head fought against the surface for a breathe as Twilight and Pinkie rushed over to pull me out. With a combined effort my leg was pulled free, the suction of the mud pulling my shoe completely off.

I clutched my injured leg immediately. “Grr, fuck! That fat son of a bitch almost broke my leg!”

Twilight quickly looked it over while Pinkie leaned close to my face, “Hey, are you okay? It didn’t hurt you bad did it?”

“Ah… I don’t know… definitely not broken though” using a spell to remove most the mud and water, Twilight ripped away at my pant leg to assess the damage.

There were two large gashes which both bled moderately. It didn’t appear deadly but, I was definitely crippled from this point of the journey on.

“I’m going to disinfect it and then I’ll wrap it”

“Girls I think me and Joey should head back. I don’t like how close that was” her seriousness made it all the more worrying.

“Pinkie we can’t head back now, specially you. Whatever is causing this vine shit is going to need the elements of harmony” I try and stand after Twilight finishes the bandage, instantly cringing in pain. “We can’t stop now”

“Joey I think Pinkies right, if we keep going your leg might get worse! I think you should head back”

By now the rest of the girls had returned, their enemy now tied up in several of the sinister looking vines. Dash rushed over to check the leg I was clearly not bearing any weight on.

“Yikes dude, that doesn’t look good”

She wasn’t wrong, it already began to bleed through. “I’ll be fine. We have to keep going”

“There’s being stubborn and then there’s being stupid! Joey there is no way I can let you keep going like this! You have to head back”

“Now hold on there sugar, if he feels like he can make it then let the stallion tough it out”

“Thank you! AppleJack understand that we don’t have much time given that it’s-“ pointing to the sky it’s both day and night, the moon on one side and the sun opposite. “-day and night… the point is we need to hurry”

“But-“

“I’m fine!” Pushing past the girls I start limping my way in the direction of the growing vine. “Come on let’s go” Uncertain, they can’t physically drag me back so they follow instead.

“At least let me fetch you a new shoe!”

It was a searing pain with a fiery wet touch leaking down my leg. The makeshift bandage was soaked, enough make the group call for another stop to change it. If I were to compare the pain I’d say a serious case of shin splints with a second degree burn on top.

“Eeeeaye! Easy, that fuckin huuurtssss!”

“This is ridiculous, I can’t even smell anything besides Joey’s gross leg! Let me carry him to Ponyville and I’ll catch back up in no time”

“So much for the element of loyalty, trying to leave me behind”

“I’m not ‘leaving you behind’, I’m saving your smooth skin ass from getting any more hurt!”

“By leaving me with Discord?! That guys a serial killer!”

Twilight rolls her eyes, “He’s crazy and annoying at worst Joey. Besides, if we come across anything dangerous again how are you supposed to get away?”

“Y’all got the elements, you’ll save me or something”

“We can’t just use them whenever!”

“Have you tried?”

“Joey they’re for purifying evil not fighting monsters, hence the name, ‘of harmony’”

“Harmony means like peace or some shit not ‘purifying evil’” I wave my fingers childishly as I repeat her.

Standing unfazed she turns her head with a pout, “Fine, if you’re going to be like this then you can suffer the consequences!”

“Twilight! You can’t be serious dear, he’s clearly way too wounded to keep going like this”

“No Rarity, if he wants to be stubborn then let him be stubborn. Maybe at least this way when he gets hurt again he’ll learn his lesson”

Most of the girls seem horrified at her response, most of them except me. “Yes, let me learn my lesson. Now let’s keep going please”

We would keep going. Going until we came across a strange crack in the earth, a valley containing a large illuminating light from within. The girls followed quickly behind Twilight while Pinkie watched carefully over my every step. I was doing pretty good since our last stop up to the point where the only way down was a large staircase chiseled from stone.

I stopped and turned to Pinkie, “Go on without me”

“Huh? No way buster, you’re all banged up! What kind of mare friend would leave their stallion like this alone?”

“An important one now go catch up with them, this shits going to take me like a year to get down”

Looking over the steep cliff ledge and back to me she shakes her head, “No way! I won’t leave you!”

“Pinkie!” She holds tightly to my good leg causing me to sit. “Pinkie you have to go”

“I can’t!”

“Yes you can, I’ll catch up later”

“No no no…. no! I already had to let you go twice now, I can’t let you go again”

“It’s not like I’m going to leave-“

“What if you fall? What if when I leave you some… some big monster comes and grabs you the instant I go? I was able to let you go before but now… I don’t have the strength left to worry”

“Oh Pinkie…” running my hand through her mane, I pet between her folded ears. “Do you really have to wait for me?” Looking up with teary eyes she nods. I sigh, “Okay… you win”

And so began the story of Joey Marshall the descender of stairs. A story in which a injured man took his time, gingerly planting every other step. A story where his persistent pink pony precariously protect his potential pitfall. It wasn’t a eventful trip nor was it truly dangerous but, to say pointless…? Yes it really is pointless to even write about anymore then I have.

Back with the now impatient frustrated group, the angry looks my way gave me the energy to move forward. I passed by them all with a smile, waving to the imaginary crowd. “Thank you, thank you. Tis truly a pleasure you all waited”

“Twilight can I kick his leg?”

“If we get through this without issue then I don’t see why not”

I step back protecting my wound, “Twilight you can’t be serious?”

“What? You said you were prepared for the risks”

“Pinkie you’ll protect me right?” Giving the dopiest smile she salutes.

“Til our last breath captain!”

“Girls look!” Sure enough beyond the next turn, the source of the light was right there in the open.

From its base it towered above nearly sticking free from the valley. Glossed in a light blue, almost mirror like, the large figure carried several outstretching arms piercing into the walls aside it. Without a doubt it took the shape of a tree yet the details creating it made doubt of such possibility. This had to be pony made or at least made from a culture since long forgotten. Most the girls rushed forward to admire its beauty while I kept my distance, even pretty sights such as this one could be concealing danger. With further observation there was two opposing piles of vines beside it as well.

“That’s a preeeetty big tree!” Pinkie exclaims.

“That’s all you have to say about it?”

“It’s pretty pretty big?”

“Heh, yes it’s pretty big but you can’t tell me it looks natural. Somepony has clearly made this thing”

“Actually it is natural Joey! It’s called the tree of harmony. Matter of fact, I read from a book back at the library about this. It’s supposed to be a legend but, given the similarities to what’s been going on I’d say it was worth the gamble”

“Worth the gamble indeed…”

Content after seeing the tree remain docile even with our presence for long enough, I waddle my way over to check out the marvelous beauty close. Etched on the base of its largest branches six empty plaques remained waiting for their destiny. They kinda looked like…

“Girls I think these are meant for the elements of harmony”

I realized it first Nerdlight

“Nah can’t be, there’s only six slots”

She looks to me with a dead stare, knowing all to well there’s a joke incoming, “There’s only six elements”

“Yea and where’s mine huh?”

“Element of annoyance?” Dash took the time to laugh at her own joke.

I pulled her close in a cradle, “Element of love”

*smack*

“Ow!”

Face beat red she brushed off her wings from the fall from my arms, “That was coming and you knew it!”

“I’m injured!”

“Not your face”

“It is now!”

“I think we need to give up the elements…”

We stop our little argument noticing Twilight remove her elemental crown from her head.

“What? What’s the point of giving them up? How are we supposed to protect everypony?”

Holding my nose I laugh, “Little ironic huh? To protect everypony you gotta give up the things that protect everypony”

“A little? Twi I ain’t sure about this, can’t there be another way?”

“I don’t see one… I mean if it doesn’t work do any of you have a better idea?” She was met with silence. “We have to at least try”

“If Twilight thinks it’ll work then I’m all for it! She’s like the smart one!”

“Well darling if this doesn’t work I can’t say I enjoyed staying in the forest any longer”

“Um… I think… well maybe not think but… I trust Twilight”

Shrugging to themselves they start up the elements, a sight I had never actually seen before outside of that time at the wedding. The glow was bright, brighter then my eyes could handle. Even when I raised my arm I could see my bone like an X-ray.

With a flash, one by one the elements left their users and attached to the tree. It was then my slow brain realized the comparison. Elements of harmony, tree of harmony.

“Hey I think this is the right decision!”

“Thanks for the… for the late input genius!” Dash struggled to yell out.

“No problem Dash although could y’all tune down the light? Awfully bright”

Ignoring my plea the rest of the elements found their way home in each of the plaques, restoring the tree to even a bright glow then before. It’s branches seemed to pulsate and with its new lively appearance the dark vines surrounding it began to wither. As they wrinkled away, the piles laying on either side died away as well revealing a pleasant sight.

“Princess Celestia! And princess Luna!”

I never even realized the weight I was carrying until I saw her climb free from her prison. There she was perfectly fine and safe, Lulu.

“Joey! You must have figured it out! I was hoping- wait what happened to your leg?” She didn’t hesitate to start healing it right away.

Pinkie eyes lite up in amazement at the sight.

“Oh you know, hero stuff”

“Joey stepped on a rockigator a nearly died”

“N-no that’s not-“

“Oh our poor little Joey!” Taking both her hooves she smooshed my face together before hugging me close into her chest. “We are so proud of you!”

The surrounding snickers made me try to pull away but, Luna’s strength would prove too much. “Lulu please!”

During our reunion we all failed to notice a small sprout peeking out from the ground, it’s bud rapidly expanding until it sprout. In its place rest a small rectangular box which grew in width as it rise, the top six various shapes keyholes to a strange puzzle looking box. At the sight we all hurried over without much word.

“What is it princess?”

“Hm, I am not quite sure but, I do believe this is a question for you to discover. I am no element nor do I own the right to wield them anymore therefore, I will put my trust into my new princess companion and her friends”

“Princess I don’t-“

“Please, no formalities remember?”

“Sorry heh, Celestia I don’t see how we can figure something out you’ve never seen before. I normally go to you for advice with things like this. Are you sure this wouldn’t be over our heads? I mean this thing just sprouted from nowhere!”

“We can discuss it when we get back to Ponyville, I wish to check on the residents before I head back. It is our fault in the end that things escalated as they have” Luna nodded in agreement.

Finally back in town after another day saved, we studied the damage left over from the evil foliage. Things were rough, mostly cracked houses and damaged roads yet of the ponies that wondered back into town they all appeared in lifted spirits.

Flying back to us Dash landed with a smile, “Turns out nopony was hurt! Good thinking Twilight”

Wrapping a wing around her former student Celestia took the time to wipe a proud tear from her eye, “It appears we’ve truly made the right decision in naming you princess. Time and time again you have proved yourself worthy of the title, even more worthy then myself”

“And ourself as well. We cherish in your ascension”

“Ascension? Did we not agree it was called an awakening?”

“Sister we agreed over a millennium ago it was to be named ascension!”

“Did we?”

“Yes!”

“Huh… that does sound much better. Either way, you deserve the title you carry and I hope you’ve realized this truth by now”

“You know I actually wasn’t sure at first. The name princess feels like a whole lot of responsibility and I wasn’t sure I was up for the task. It wasn’t until I realized how much I… how much WE have done together that we were already doing what a princess does! And although I might have these fancy wings or a nice looking crown I think the most valuable thing I have, is my friends. Without them, none of this would have been possible” Even I need a group hug after that. Separating away from the tear fest, Twilight wipes her eyes. “You girls really mean everything to me. If I never met you all I’d probably still be a shut-in reading books in Canterlot by myself”

“I’m sure you would’ve found your purpose eventually, that or your friends would have found you first” Giggling to themselves the girls hugged each other close while I walked over to the distant Luna.

She sat atop a pile of debris, deep in thought. “What’s up with you?”

“Huh? Oh we were just thinking about our plan to stay with you”

“Having second thoughts?”

“No.. we… we can’t help but, feel immature for our actions after watching princess Twilight grow so rapidly. She truly is the makings of a wonderful princess”

“Luna you’re a good princess, you just need a break. Nopony is going to judge you for that”

“Yes, only we will judge the hardest”

“Then don’t listen to yourself, listen to what others say about you. Ponies that care”

“They cannot possibly say what is true to our face, it would be too impolite!”

“Do you want me to be honest?”

“Please, indulge us”

“I think you have terrible anxiety and you let it control your decision making way too much. I also think you care too much about your image but, say you don’t care what other think” she seems to agree, making things awfully moody. “I also think you’re really smart. That you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone if it means bettering yourself and helping other. Also that you kick total ass but, I think you already knew that one” A smirk starts to fight it’s way against her frown. “You’re also the prettiest princess”

“Oh please stop” she playfully bats me with a hoof. “Our sisters complexion is otherworldly”

“But does she got a butt like the dark side of the moon?”

“Ha! That was a rather amusing pun”

“Thank you, it’s about all I’m good for at this point”

“That and dashing good looks”

“You’re into strangely furless and scarred ponies now aren’t you?”

“I find your scars beautiful. Consider yourself blessed for not having anything worse”

“They’re kinda bad”

“Yes but they almost seem under the skin do they not? If I were to run my hoof over them it would appear smooth” she does just that rubbing the lightening like pattern across my left cheek. “A symbol of your scrape with death”

“More like a flirt”

“You are the flirt, only next time we would prefer thou avoids doing it with death please?”

“Clearly she didn’t notice my advances given that I’m still here so”

“Her loss” we share a brief kiss. “Perhaps we would be interested in more than just flirtatious playing and kisses… would this… interest you as well?” She searches my eyes with a blush.

“I’m a guy Luna”

“What does this mean?”

“Yes Lulu, it means yeah” her blush darkens her navy muzzle and she has to look away.

“This is good… we.. w-we should head back now to pack our things”

I grab her hoof before she can fly off, “Luna wait” she stops still flustered. “Discord, should I be worried about him?”

The question helps her compose some, “Discord? Pfft, that fool is as cursed as his name”

“He’s cursed?”

“While he is the god of chaos, completely unpredictable in both power and possibility, he also is unable to make his own decisions”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean he is completely at the whim of his magic. He cannot determine what he wants or what he enjoys, he must follow what is chaotic magic begs him to do”

“So how are the girls supposed to reform him?”

She sighs, “Let us hope luck is on our side and his chaos desires friendship. Who could think of a more unlikely outcome?”

Left with things to think about I let her hoof go, “I guess I shouldn’t worry too much about what I can’t control. Thanks Lu, see ya when you get back”

“We will see you-“

“Actually one more thing!” Happy to help she smiles. “I uh… I might have forgot my stuff back at the palace so could you maybe…”

She giggles, “We will bring thou’s stuff as well. Take care Joey”

“See you soon!”

“So is Luna still staying with us?” I leap at the sudden voice.

“EEEEAYE! Pinkie what the shit!”

“Oh you two were talking the whole time? You missed it, the big reveal!”

“The big what?”

“Discord caused this all!” She seemed happier to solve the mystery then she should feel angry for being lied to.

“Evil… he’s evil!”

“He told us he made an oopsie like a crazy long time ago and spilled a few magic seeds! That’s what made all the vines! Kinda unlucky he did it over the tree of harmony though”

“Yeah unlucky, what a monster”

“He is a monster, who spills perfectly good seeds?”

“Oh by the way I’m not going back to Canterlot”

“Huh? What about fixing your magic stuff? Isn’t Luna supposed to help you with that?”

“Well seeing how she’s coming to stay with us, Discords already met me, and there’s nothing left to do at the palace, I’d say now is a good a time as any to call it” I say each while counting with my fingers.

“But but…. the bad magic!”

“I got a few leads” I say petting her mane, “Don’t worry”

“You better! Otherwise you wasted a whole bunch of time we could’ve been cuddling! Cuddling and that other stuff we do privately, you know, the doggy way”

Blushing I look around to see if anypony overheard, “Jeez Pinkie can you not?”

“What? Dash thought it was cool”

“You told Dash?!”

“Yeah and AJ”

“W-whu.. who else did you tell?!”

“Ummm… I don’t know!” Innocently she shrugs. “Beats me”

“… I think I’m going to be sick”

Author's Notes:

After reading this chapter if you haven’t realized already, I’ve changed the timeline. In the show there is an episode where Twilight causes her friends cutie mark switch then the Discord episode. I chose to make Discord the cause instead as it felt like a more reasonable excuse for Twilight to become an alicorn so if you noticed this it wasn’t an accident.

Given this change, I felt like it was necessary for this chapter to be one big boy instead of a two separate chapters.

Also given a recent comment directed toward me on another story I feel as if I should reiterate this, if you enjoy content such as foalcon or nonconsensual porn surrounded stories I would prefer you did not read my story. While my own story carries the tag nonconsensual I purposely had written the one chapter in a way that would be both educational to how one might be affected/feel and a plot point for our character to recover from, showing how life can always get better. Yes it’s made up and Joey is a fictional character yet, when you read a inspirational story or movie that truly grips you, you can feel compelled or motivated at times and that was what I was hoping to do even just a little. In an attempt to make the specific scene less porny and more realistic, I tried to write it in a way that made even myself uncomfortable to the point I refuse to reread what has been written. If my scene has ever been taken in another way than I intended, a way that sexually satisfied someone’s fetish, then I might consider removing the scene or at least editing it to be less descriptive. I leave this decision to you guys the audience as I do not know personally if it was a mistake to include it

Thank you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day/night, sorry for the long authors note

28 Some Secrets are Better left Buried

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Back home, words that carried more weight than ever for me. Sure I was back in my actual house in Ponyville but, the true meaning of home, the one that mattered most was Pinkie and I was back at her side. Except today.

Pinkie had left earlier with a few things in mind. She hadn’t planned for me to be back so soon so some of her original plans for the next few weeks had been in jeopardy. Thankfully I was able to convince her it’s okay and that I don’t need to be coddled every waking moment that I was back.

After telling me about some sort of weird dare off between Dash and Aj, she said it was necessary that ‘somepony properly judged the competition’ and that her equal stance on both of them would be unbiased. I wasn’t going to argue and I guess it gave her something to preoccupy her time before ringing the school bell, her other task. Cheerilee the school teacher asked for a volunteer and I’m not quite sure Pinkie understood the task fully. Time would tell.

While Pinkie’s day was packed it wasn’t like I was slacking either. I had plans of my own and I wouldn’t be alone. Lacing up my new pair of shoes freshly gifted from Rarity, Luna bumped against me with a smile, or should I say Lulu.

“While I am not an individual who finds pleasure in fashion, those shoes you wear are quite nice. You must give Rarity my approval”

“They really are nice, look just like my old pair of converse. Only thing that sucks though is I gotta break em in again”

“Thou must break them?”

“Heh, not like you’re thinking. I’m taking about wearing them out. Shoes always come a little stiff when you first put them on. They just need a good walk and they’ll be fine”

“Perfect, for a good walk is ahead of us!”

“Where exactly is this old castle again? I remember you told me a while ago when I was staying in Canterlot but, I can’t remember now”

“Deep in the Everfree of course, where else would a castle of its magnitude be able to disappear so easily? A true marvel for its time. Oh we feel a little excited thinking of our old chambers. Perhaps they’re still intact” giddily she stomps her hooves.

“You haven’t been back there since the whole… you know?”

Her ears fold briefly, “No… we thought it might bring repressed memories back to the forefront. I admit it still worries us now”

“Thought you were excited about going back though? That just a act to keep me from worrying?” I give her a playful shove.

“We figured it pointless to dawdle over such uncontrollable anxieties if we were to have any chance of enjoying this. Plus you asked for our honest opinion so…”

“Sorry bout that. I’m sure you’ll be fine” I give a scratch behind her ear and a reassuring smile. “Besides, if you start feeling uncomfortable I’ll be right here with you”

Leaning into my hand she wraps a wing around me, “Thank you for your support. Not everypony is blessed as I to have another they can rely on. A handsome stallion to boot!”

“Okay, okay, no need for the exaggeration. Let’s get a move on so we can head home before dark”

Concealing herself in disguise we share a nod, heading outside in the direction of the Everfree. Given my houses proximity it wouldn’t be likely that anypony would see us enter however, we couldn’t take any chances of a pony seeing Luna leave my house undisguised. Speaking of her disguise, it’s already proven to have been working. While her stay has been less then a week, so far nopony has made a connection between the new pony and the vacationing princess Luna. Although it was a still a fresh change, any chance of conspiracy wouldn’t take long. First the news would need to break more widespread of her vacation.

Distracted by my thoughts I fail to notice Luna asking me a question.

“Excuse us, is our conversation boring you?”

“Huh? What? Sorry.. I was thinking about something. Can you repeat what you said?”

“I was going over a few potential places we could check over when I remembered your injury. How is that by the way? Healing nicely? We are not exactly as skilled as our sister in such matter so if there is any issue do tell”

“Oh it’s fine. You patched up most the wound anyways. All it really feels like now is a dull throb occasionally. It’s not bad though, like it doesn’t hurt often”

“This is a relief. We had a terrible experience when we were younger that we do not wish to relive yet, will say was less dire then your own and much less fortunate”

“Some sort of magic mistake?”

“Restoration magic is a fickle art. Think of it as a house of cards. The slightest mistake could send everything tumbling down after”

“Sounds intense”

“More anxious then anything”

“I’ll consider it one of the few blessing of not being able to control magic. I’ll never be expected to go and start playing doctor”

She giggles saying back, “Yes, playing more the antithetical”

“The what?” My confusion causes her to laugh even harder.

“Tis not important, please let us focus on finding the way”

“W-wha- LUNA! What does it mean!”

“Maybe thou could focus on expanding their vocabulary once we arrive, we are sure there are plenty of useful texts in the castle library”

“Who needs vocabulary…” I pout. “…overrated… stupid…”

Ignoring my quiet rant Luna takes caution to our surroundings, casting several spells as we walk. From the way they move away from her with blueish domes of energy’s I can only assume it’s some sort of scanning spell. Always reassuring to know a pony strong as Luna is courting me. She even stands close by checking with me every minute or so. I can’t help but feel truly immersed into this gender reversed world, the clear dependent in most situations. It’s kinda nice, emasculating but nice.

“If you keep this up Luna I’m not sure how I’m even going to be able to pay you back. I can’t really cook and you know I ain’t into dressing up. Anything you’d prefer from your stallion?”

“What is this about? I don’t quiet understand what it is you are getting at”

“You keeping me all safe and stuff while I play the fragile damsel. I get that in Equestria mares are the ones expected to provide but, that’s not exactly the same back on Earth”

“We would do this no matter the circumstance Joey and you know this. Tis only just that I protect us both given our abilities and thou’s… well lack thereof”

“Eesh, digging kinda deep there don’t ya think?”

She shrugs, “I don’t see you preforming proximity scans such as I at the moment, unless your magic is undetectable. Is it undetectable?”

“My magics…. ok it’s pretty ass I won’t lie. God definitely nerfed me”

“God? As in singular? Are humans monotheistic?”

“Not all but, I am at least… or was? I don’t know… I definitely haven’t done a good job at staying faithful. Maybe this is my punishment”

“Hm, an awfully vengeful god I take it?”

“All merciful actually”

“I sense a contradiction”

“Look I ain’t here to convert anypony I’m just stating what is told”

“Is this god present? Have you seen or met him before?”

I laugh, “Ha, yeah right. Dude lives on belief. It’s like the core concept of his existence I guess. I don’t know, I really shouldn’t be the one teaching you this, I kinda suck at all knowledge”

“That is not true, you showed some resilience with economic policy”

“Never worked a job in the actual field though. My opinions are as good as anyponies”

“Thou are being dismissive. You are capable enough to work in our treasury, we are sure of this”

“Just as sure as you are with your princess capabilities?”

Flatting her ears but not turning around I can tell she’s slightly bothered by the comment. “Can we not speak about me?”

“Well I worry. You’re kinda going through it right now and-“

She stops right in her tracks, “We do not wish to talk about us right now nor do we wish to rehash this issue!” her raised voice causes a silence. “We… please, let us move on from this conversation”

“…okay”

Worried over her strange outburst I decide to not question it and move. She’d been awfully moody since moving in and I couldn’t put my finger on why. Surely there was an underlying issue going on but, she wasn’t willing to spill it just yet. Either way, if it really were important I’m sure she would tell me. It’s probably just that time of the month or something… if ponies even have that. Anyways, getting back to the present, there wasn’t much said after scary Luna yelled at me for a while.

It wasn’t like I couldn’t find a way to pass time beside talking so I take in the elements instead. With the Everfree, the most notable takeaway would be the consistent lack of sunlight peeking through. Shaded and dingy, it was swamp like throughout. A dense jungle of thorns and dead trees, left a undesirable stench too so once our walk started to show signs of change it was clear we were getting close. Luna broke our long drawn out silence.

“When we approach the clearing stay close. The castle remains across a large ravine, I wouldn’t want you falling in”

Replying doesn’t feel necessary or at least in the moment it doesn’t. Her little outburst sorta ruined any playfulness I once had. Instead I find comfort in daydreaming, thinking about ways I could help her feel confident in her abilities.

“Nothing to remark? Joey? Are you okay?”

“Sorry. I was just thinking”

“No there’s… *sigh* I must apologize for earlier. There was no need for us to yell, we let our emotions take control”

“Lu I ain’t gonna get on you cause ya told me off. You made it clear you don’t want to talk about it so I won’t bring it up again”

“Well it is clear you are bothered by something and it is easy to believe it is our doing” I go to speak but she raises a hoof, “I was wrong in what I did and thou should not let our prudent behavior change what you can and cannot say to us” with a look around to catch her drifting thoughts she delivers her point. “We will talk about it, I assure you but, I need time”

“That’s fine. Look I won’t bring it up again unless you say you’re ready”

“No you miss the… ugh!” With a stomp she walks away, farther into the opening.

“Luna wait!”

When I catch up she’s already made it to the edge of the ravine. The fall well over a hundred feet, down into a comically dark pit. You could only faintly see the rocky bottom, a small creek making it’s way down the center.

Looking up the one way across is a rickety wooden bridge, something you’d see out of a Indiana Jones movie or a crash bandicoot level. (You know the one)

“This is one of the many entrances however, the most convenient for where we approach. Although the bridge might appear unstable I can assure you it will bare your weight”

“Luna I understood what you said, I didn’t-“

“Joey it would be best if we dropped the subject all together yes?” The stare she gives indicates clear ass whipping if I disagree.

“Yep, completely agree, let’s cross some bridges shall we?”

With a pleased smile she turns forward and starts making her way across.

Placing my first step carefully the wood creaks loudly against the strain. Looking to see the planks condition I peer right through the gap between the steps near my feet, down to the bottom below. I tighten my grip on the rope railing immediately, holding on for dear life.

“Luna did I mention I can’t do heights?”

“Joey it is a mere bridge, not more than 50 steps. Surely thou can…” stopping, she takes notice how little ground I’d covered behind her and promptly face hooves. “Do we need to carry you over with our magic?”

I’m quick to respond, “N-no no no! No magic please… I’ll just… I’ll suck it up and… fuck this sucks! Who builds a castle next to a ravine?!”

“Nature provided protection” Luna reply’s as if the answer were obvious. “If circumstance provides an opportunity to not worry over all sides, then who would be wiser then the one taking the free advantage?”

I struggle with each step failing to look away from the fall.

“Ever heard of tectonic plates? Earthquake away from the whole damn place falling in!”

Now across Luna sits admiring my struggle, “Over a thousand years and it still remains does it not?”

I take a second to look over at the castle. Sure enough, still standing yet badly weathered.

“What’s left of it at least”

“From what I can tell, Celly must have moved on from reconstruction after our fight and focused to moving into Canterlot. Most of those wounds are from ourself”

Finally I make it across and join her in inspecting the damage. It’s rough alright, at some points holes large as 10 feet wide with plant life taking over the free real estate.

“Pretty smart investment making those holes in the ceiling. It’ll save a ton of money with the free light coming in and we haven’t even started talking about heating. How’d you make those anyway? Magic?”

“Our sister struck us through and the same goes the other way. It was a slight disagreement”

“Yeah?”

“We were foolish, nothing more needs to be said”

We both lay on the grass, the mood indicative of a pause. I could tell she needed a moment before we headed in to gather her resolve.

“Do you ever wonder what might’ve happened if you won that night?”

Taking a deep breath she thinks about her next words carefully, “Had we won… had I won” but she pauses unable to continue.

“Don’t like thinking about it? Actually you know what, don’t answer, that was insensitive of me”

She shakes her head in disagreement, continuing anyway, “No it is important you know how I feel now. I am… very glad I failed. The image we had in mind, our future, it was unsustainable. Most plant life would die off within a year from the lack of sunlight and Equestria would likely suffer a deadly proceeding winter”

“Wouldn’t give a little sun here or there just to maintain stuff?”

“No, most certainly not. We would have been too stubborn. Willing to die off if it meant keeping our sisters precious sun from the sky. They worshipped her and I despised it enough to destroy everything” looking to me with deep sadness and question, she places a hoof on her chest. “What horrible pony would go that far other then us?”

Reaching over and squeezing her hoof, I pull her into a hug.

“J-Joey… we… we would take it back if we could, I swear! Every argument, every insult. To this day our dreams are haunted with our success, an Equestria without sun. An ironic fate for one capable of curing others nightmares, unable to quell her own” It’s then she gets quiet and with a faint whisper I hear her say it, “I am beginning to think it might have been better if we never cursed this land with our presence”

I pull her to face me immediately, “Do not say that!”

“We have played our part, why should I have to stay and suffer? To play the domesticated villain, a living symbol of harmony. Ugh it makes me feel ill”

“Luna nopony is saying you have to do anything. Ask your sister I know she’ll agree”

“She would say or do anything if it meant keeping us from embarrassing her on the world stage. A leader could not be seen so unfit as I, surely she knows this too”

“That’s not how she thinks and you know that. What’s really bothering you? Is this about being princess?”

Her voice comes hoarse, defeated, “We can’t beat it”

While I was proud of her finally using a contraction it came at a steep price. I wasn’t sure what to say. I wasn’t a therapist. I couldn’t relate. And To be honest, I was scared.

“Luna… everything will be fine. You have to trust me”

Resting her muzzle into my shoulder she mumbles, “There is nopony we trust more but, we do not have the strength to continue. I am tired”

“Would you keep going for me? For your sister? I need you Luna, she needs you”

“For that reason we breath still, you should know that much but, understand when I say it has become difficult to care”

“You’re just worrying too much that’s all, you just need some time off. Time off to clear your head”

“Our break cannot last forever. There will come a time where we are needed again”

“Then cross that bridge when you get to it but, right now enjoy the free time you have. You can’t keep worrying about work even when you’re not on duty, you have to give yourself a mental break as well”

“… we wish to return to your home. The energy has left us”

“W-wh.. Luna no, we already came all this way and I know this’ll do you good to get over”

“This is not about our past Joey! I do not want to continue! Save for another day, for now I have lost the will”

“I really think you should-“

“Thou only wishes for us to go for thy own gain!”

It stings to hear such an accusation but, I brush it off. She’s hurting, and needs any help I can give. She doesn’t really mean it, I know she doesn’t.

“You know what? Fuck Quantum Matter. Fuck my illness, fuck finding a cure. I don’t care anymore if we don’t find anything, I just want you to feel better about yourself and if that means facing your past by going back in there then I say you should give it a fucking shot. You know I’m saying this because I care so don’t brush it off with some weak insult like that unless you meant it”

With ears flat against her head she sheds a single tear before slumping down into a puddle of her former self. I catch her a moment before hitting the ground hugging her close again.

“We have been a terrible… miserable pony” I have to stop her from hitting herself with a hoof, only noticing after hearing the first few thumps. “Your princess, a pathetic display is she not?”

With a kiss to her forehead she slips out a few choked sobs before I pull her face to meet mine, the tears freshly spilled matting her fur.

“Do you still want to go back?” Unable to meet my eyes with her own, she shakes no. “Okay… just tell me when you feel good enough to continue”

Sitting up, Luna lay her head on my lap, eyes closed resting for the moment. I brush a few fingers through her mane, occasionally scratching behind her ears, truly letting the moment soak in. It’s quiet, and peaceful. The only disturbance a gentle breeze flowing across the dry grass.

With a castle backdrop to the equine beauty in my lap, I find it easy to settle my once panicked heart back down.

“Its refreshing to find someone broken like me. Not that I feel glad your hurting but, this whole world since I arrived felt like a innocent paradise where worries went away for most. It wasn’t until I started meeting new ponies and actually getting to know them that I realized I wasn’t special. I just pretended my issues were the worst, that nopony could possibly have it as bad as me. To find somepony who understands my pain is… oddly comforting. I can know I’m not alone”

“Why tell me this?” She doesn’t bother to look up, enjoying her small scratch session instead.

“Truthfully? I don’t know. Just felt like telling you that”

“I figured it was to tell us every pony has their own miseries”

“Nah… just felt like talking. Take it however, you want to”

Luna doesn’t bother to reply instead settling for a huff.

It’s easy to let time pass once things simmer down, the elements of my surrounding taking hold over my senses. Luna’s gentle breathing along with her added warmth make it easy to relax.

Ponies are kinda like cats when I think about it. Somehow always making you tired from their cuddles. Soon I become relaxed enough to where falling asleep here in the grass seems like a great idea.

Resting on my back I close my eyes taking in the feeling. It’s nice to have these opportunities to enjoy nature. Maybe back on Earth I needed breaks like this to think about my worries, maybe things would’ve been different, less stressful.

I don’t have much time to reflect however, Luna taking this moment to get up. Stretching herself like a cat she only proves my earlier theory even more.

“We do believe it is time we should head in”

“Feeling okay?”

“Neigh but, this will have to do”

“Sorry”

“Do not apologize, you were right. I should have returned here much sooner” now facing me with apprehension she weakly smiles, “Best we hurry before the day gets away from us”

“I’ll follow your lead”

Approaching our entrance to the castle, a small archway leads into the darkened interior. Stray beams of light squeak through cracks allowing some visual however, the overall presence of the inside is dark. I think dead would be the most fitting word. Not a sound made.

Luna’s loud clopping echo bleed life into the room, a thin layer of dust kicking up seen only in the light. I was surprised at the complete lack of disturbance after all these years.

“You’d figure some rats or something would move in here you know? Given all the time that’s passed? I don’t see even a single dead bird or anything”

“Maybe there is something keeping them from entering although I do not sense any magical presence”

A shout rings out deeper from within the castle, female and followed by another. Shocked a little from the sound I look back to Luna.

“No magical presence whatsoever?”

“Well there is a feint source but, every living creature possesses some magic Joey. If I did not consider that then there would always be presence”

“Maybe it’s a ghost”

“Do not be silly, spectral beings can only be called upon through the works of a necromancer and we do not recall another capable of such other then I”

“You know necromancy?”

“I think a greater question would be how do you know about necromancy. Have we not had this discussion?”

“I think I’d remember something like you raising the dead Lu”

“We never raised the dead… only… dabbled a little. That’s all”

I cross my arms, “Dabbled?”

“Do you doubt us?”

“No… no… I just know now that if I die my body is probably not safe”

“So easily rattled” she laughs. “You have my word I will not reanimate your corpse”

“You can really do that? Bring a corpse back to life?”

“Heavens no! Could you imagine what our sister would think of us if she found out? Like I stated before, we only dabbled”

“So you mainly used it for the morgue or whatever then right?”

She nodded. “Precisely”

“That’s reassuring at least”

Standing there for a moment she’s the first to break the ice.

“Shouldn’t we start looking into whoever made that noise now?”

“Yo, you used another contraction!”

“Let us rephrase, should we hit you first then investigate or..?”

“We should probably figure out what’s going on”

I start walking in the direction of the screams fast as possible, avoiding any potential Luna backlash.

With a castle of this age and it’s lack of maintenance, it’s not surprising to travel down several abandoned halls littered with debris. Pillars toppled over, ceilings caved in, it felt like a walking death trap. Speaking of which, as I led our small party, I nearly stepped upon a hidden pressure plate disguised beneath a rug before Luna took the liberty of tackling me to the side.

“Goodness! Thou nearly lost their head! Do you not watch where you step?”

“What are you taking about? Why’d you just tackle me?”

Pulling the rug with her magic she revealed a small foot stone sticking up from the floor, slightly higher then any surround stone.

“This castle is ridden with traps! We thought thou already knew seeing how you avoided all this far”

“I did?”

Shaking her head she helped pick me back up while taking the front, “Sometimes I wonder how you have made it this far”

“Maybe my special talent really is luck” I say with a laugh.

“That is becoming a more and more plausible explanation by the day. Anyway, follow close and step exactly where I step”

Taking her advice I stay close behind, watching every step nervously.

After a bit of more walking we eventually reach the main throne room. I only assume that given the large chairs near the far end and a massive banner hanging behind them. On it’s one end a sun, the other, a moon. I’m so taken away by the absolute size of the tapestry that I don’t even notice Luna’s mood change.

“This is amazing! Look at all this shit still intact! Sure most the ceilings blown out but, I can easily tell what this place used to look like”

“Tis very familiar…”

When I look over she’s stepped away, admiring a fallen flag of their former rule. Almost symbolic, the moon half lay tore and missing while the sun still remained, damaged but intact. She rubbed a hoof over the image as if to feel for it’s warmth.

“You okay?”

Snapping away from the cloth in her hand, she turns back to the rest of the room.

“It appears our intruders have moved on” Taking a few more steps forward she heads over to a small pink object on the floor, lifting it with magic. “And it appears also we know one of the culprits”

Tossing the object over to me I catch it giving it a quick look. A small saddlebag, pink in color with a few stitched on butterflies. With closer inspection they feel awfully familiar

“How can you tell the intruder from just a bag? Some sort of magic hoopla?”

“No you doof, it’s the same cutie mark as your friend Fluttershy! Did you seriously not notice that?” Her laughter bellows throughout the room.

“Her cut-, I don’t stare at pony asses all day remembering cutie marks. It’s much easier to know a pony by their face!”

“So you never admired our flank?” She asked with a swish of her tail.

“I feel like I lose with this answer either way”

“By all means, take time with your answer. We would love to hear it”

Luna even takes the time to sit down on the floor, watching me squirm to think of a witty comeback.

*dunnnnuhnnnnnuuuuuuu dunnn dunnn dunnnnnnnnnn*

“What the fuck was that?”

Startled by the loud musical noise I physically leap back just enough to bump into the nearby wall. To my surprise, the added weight shifts a gear behind the surface, shaking the now rotating wall and pinning me against it.

“Joey!”

Luna’s voice is cut off and the sudden spin throws me to the floor at its abrupt stop. I was on the other side, alone in some cutout of a hallway.

“A fucking trap wall?! Why does this castle have so many traps? How was this place ever considered safe enough to stay in?!”

“Joey? That you?”

I’d know that farm voice from anywhere.

“Applejack?”

Peeking around the corner, her brown stetson kinda gave away her presence before she did. “What in tarnation are you doin here?”

“I should be asking you the same thing!”

“No I mean both here in the castle and here as in like… here. I just ran down this here hallway and you sure as sugar weren’t standing there before unless… have you been scaring me an Dash all day?”

“Huh? No… I just got here a few minutes ago with Luna. We were looking for the morgue before well… before we got separated”

“Darn, guess we’re two peas in a pod cause I just lost Dash!”

“Hardships make the best friends”

“Where’d ya hear that?”

“Made it up. Let’s hope it holds true”

She doesn’t seem to enthused by my cheeky smile followed after. “Guess we should stick together and look for Dash an Luna. You got any idea where we are?”

Long dark hallway, long dark hallway, brooding dark armor room

“Not a clue” I shrug. “How about we follow my lucky intuition and gooooo this way!” With a cautious trudge I start making my way down the direction Applejack came from.

“So what you hopin to find in the morgue? A old relative or… actually never mind that don’t make sense”

I chuckle a little at her mistake, “We were hoping to find a clue about my illness. It’s a long story so I’ll leave it at that. Why are you and Dash here and where’s Pinkie? I thought Pinkie was supposed to be your score keeper or something”

“Oh she left a while ago. Said she needed to help ring the school bell. As fer me an Dash, we thought headin in here would help break our tie breaker for most darin pony but you can see how well that’s gone”

“That blows. Who you think is winning so far?”

“Gotta be me. I ain’t ever heard her shout before like she did when this big suit a armor fell. I can tell, she’s ready to call it quits”

“What about you? Feeling spooked?”

“Definitely not cool as a cucumber but, I’ll manage”

I take the opportunity to poke her on the opposite shoulder using my height advantage. The strange sensation causes her to jump and lose her hat.

“Wooahhh!” Picking back up she angrily glares and my now laughing self. “Now why’d you go and do that for!?”

“To see if you were telling the truth”

“Okay! Well I wasn’t. Happy? Geez… scared a mare half to death”

“It wasn’t a full lie, you just gave me a half truth”

“Bout to give you half a hoof if you do that again and how come you ain’t afraid? You’re always the first one to start worrying, specially in places like this”

“Probably cause I was with scary Luna and felt safe but, now… nah I still feel kinda safe. You’re a tough mare, you’ll protect me”

Smiling she gives me a pat on the back (much harder then normal I might add), “Yer darn right I will!”

Wondering aimlessly, Applejack and myself eventually find our way back to a large main room however, this one comes without the thrones. Ceilings still a mess but, a second floor stretched along the outer rim, lined with bookshelf’s.

“Been here before?”

“Yeah! Me an Dash walked in here when we first arrived!”

“Nice! So what should we do now? Stay here and wait for the others or keep looking around?”

Lost in decision AJ pulled off her hat scratching her head. I took the pause as a chance to look around a little more and headed up to the second level. Scanning the titles of each book it took only a second to give up, unable to distinguish the old Poneish from English language.

“Aj you don’t happen to know how to read old Poneish do you?”

“Old who what now?”

“Figures…”

Walking around to the far side a set of peculiar looking doors catch my eye. Regal in their detail, a feint sound from within is what truly draws my curiosity.

I leaned over the railing whispering loudly, “AJ! Get up here! I think somepony else is here!”

“Why ya whisperin? It’s probably princess Luna or Dash”

“And what if it’s another trap? Like a fancy wind thingy that sounds like ponies talking to lure you in?”

Trotting past me to the door she laughs, “Ha, your always so paranoid ya know that?” And without hesitation she rips them open revealing…

“Applejack?”

“Spike? Twilight?”

“Twilight and Spike are here?”

“Joey?!” They both say in unison.

“Meeeee?”

“Applejack, Joey. What are you two doing here? And what’s with all the screaming I’ve been hearing all day? I’ve been trying to read the journey of the two sisters without any distractions but, between Spikes loud muttering and the strange noises outside, I can’t seem to read anything!” Spike muttered a light sorry stepping out of the conversation.

“Dash and I were trying to find out who’s the most darin pony and we just so happen to be nearby so we thought why not make a bet on who gets too scared and leaves the castle first. Speakin of which, either you two see Rainbow Dash while you’ve been here?” They both shake their head. “Darn!”

“I was here with Luna but, we kinda got separated. Castles pretty much a walking death trap so why are you two here?”

“I’m glad you asked!” She excitedly hopped up from her pile of pillows. “You see, me and Spike were looking into any clues on that weird chest that popped up near the tree of harmony but, nothing in the golden oaks library had any history on it. Thankfully, I still knew about Celestia’s old castle so I thought maybe there’d be something here about it and what do you know, presto! Spike found this book!”

Hovering it over to me to observe, the title was illegible. “Twilight I can’t read old Poneish”

“Then want me to read it for you? We can read together! It’ll be so fun I mean isn’t it exciting to wonder what might be written inside? I mean this book hasn’t been read in over a thousand years!”

“Tempting but I’ll pass. I was just wondering where the morgue was. Have any idea?”

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Catching us all off guard, a scream comes from awfully close by. We all rush out to find the culprit only to be gifted with a few other screams as well and a hilarious sight.

A screaming flying Rainbow bouncing from pillar to pillar, a desperate looking Fluttershy attempting to lift a large boulder, and a crying Rarity draped under a large tapestry of the two sisters. Then just when it can’t get any weirder, Luna came walking from the opposite entrance clearing trapped in a daze, tripping over Rarity in the process.

“EVERYPONY STOP!” And at once they did, coated with the translucent purple glow of Twilights magic.

“Must… help… ANGEL!”

Who’s angel? Do I know an angel? I know Chris Angel… probably not him

“Everypony tell me what’s going on, one at a time”

Walking past the others I head over to Luna picking her up while Dash defends her lunacy to the others.

“You okay? What happened while I was gone?”

“We realized the value of your presence”

With a squeeze of her hoof I lift her the rest of the way to her feet. “Want to talk about when we find the morgue?”

“Distinguish thy fears, they were but passing thoughts. I will be fine, now that I am with you”

“Awww that’s cute” She scrounges her face up at my choice of words. “What? It was cute!”

Twilights voice interrupts our private conversation drawing us all back together, “So wait, who’s been playing the organ this whole time?”

“The organ?” It’s then my brain catches up remembering the strange musical noise from earlier. “Oh I remember hearing that. Me and Luna got separated when it went off”

“Same with me and Applejack!”

“And it happened when poor Fluttershy and I got separated as well. The whole wall went and spun around taking her with it!”

“Huh, I just figured one of you was playing it. That begs the question, who’s the other pony in the equation?”

“It’s the shadow pony!”

Chattering his teeth in fear Spike dove behind Twilight, “T-the s-shadow p-pony?”

“Yeah! Me and AJ saw him playing earlier! He’s all black like a shadow”

Not buying the whole shadow pony bit, Luna scoffs. “There is no such thing as a shadow pony and we shall prove it. Follow us, to the organ room!”

Grouped up now, we all wandered behind the confident moon mare while a few of us still remained rattled. Mainly Spike and Shy if we’re being honest. Not very long after our get together are we upon the pony of question and sure enough as Rainbow said, an individual shrouded in black. Getting close it was clear it was no shadow pony though, just a pony in a cloak. They played violently into the keys of their instrument as it yelled back in response. It’s body stood tall up to the ceiling, nearly twenty feet in height. Such booming sounds vibrated my whole body from the proximity.

Then stopping suddenly the pony removed their hood and spun around to reveal…

“Hiya girls!”

“Pinkie?!” Almost everypony yelled together.

Landing directly next to Pinkie, Dash poked her on the chest, “You’re the shadow pony? What are you even doing here?! I thought you were ringing the school bell?”

“And I did! Except for some reason they said they didn’t need my help anymore. I only rang it for ten minutes straight! Eh, who cares, anyway I saw everypony heading inside so I thought it would be fun to come in as well!” Cheerfully she stood there with tongue exposed.

“Huh… can’t believe I was scared of Pinkie Pie this whole time”

“Guess that makes me the most darin pony then huh?”

“You were just as scared as I was!”

“I was-…. okay maybe I was”

“Then that means we still got a tieeeeeee!” Pinkie shouted leaping onto my shoulders.

Everypony went there separate ways, most heading back to the same room Twilight was in while Luna and I continued to descend deeper into the bowels of the castle. I asked Pinkie if she wanted to join but, she felt like it would be wrong not to judge the tiebreaker now that she had time so here we were again, just the two of us.

Lighting a few of the torches left behind for years passed, our stairwell downward was without railing. The steep rectangular shaped path continued deeper and deeper into the abysmal darkness below, only slightly alit from torches above and Luna’s blue magic glow. Moving close and pinned against the wall, I shuffled my way down with her keeping up as best I can.

“How far down does this go?! This had to have been nearly ten floors by now!”

“Thou needs to also remember our castle stood atop a large cliff. Remember the ravine below?”

“Does this go farther down then the ravine?”

“Actually the bottom floor is level with it. There is even a hidden exit entering the ravine for emergency” intrigued by the little history lesson I let out a little ‘hm’. “Do not fret however, we have just reached the bottom!”

When I look over the stairs edge her words show truth, there really was a bottom.

“Thank god”

“No time to be thanking just yet. We still need to find our mystery pony”

At the bottom, there wasn’t much to show. A large wooden door with a peek hole and the stairs leading back up. Luna, taking action, summoned a pair of magical keys unlocking the door with a click.

“Come, there is not much further we must go”

Her pace quickens up and I try to get a glance at her face to see how she’s hanging in there. Almost intentionally she avoids all opportunities, hurrying down the now lengthy hallway we travel. It’s not like I needed to see her face to know but, I didn’t want to be annoying. She made it clear already she was uncomfortable.

“Ready to ditch this place already? You’re nearly sprinting”

“I wish to get out” she stated flatly. “But, we have promised you our cooperation… AND before thou tells us we can leave let it be know any information we might find here requires MY magic”

She beat me to the punch.

“Alright, okay. Just worried about you is all”

“And that is perfectly fine. Understand though, I do not wish to leave empty hoofed especially after earlier”

“That’s fair enough but, I have to make something clear. If helping me from this point on hurts you or in anyway makes you uncomfortable, then I’d rather you didn’t”

“Joey this is a matter of your life. Do not concern-“

“Luna I will not let you hurt yourself!” My shout freezes us both. An echo solidifies the words in stone shaking some of the debris loose. “You matter Luna, you-“

“What does-?“

“I’m trying to tell you that you’re not useless if you can’t help me! I know you wont tell yourself that but, why does that matter? I need you, and I know I need you so if your worried about whether or not you matter, understand that I fucking love you Lu and you matter to me”

I close the gap between us giving a kiss to her forehead. Her eyes dart away unsure how to answer.

“W-we… we love you as well. Sorry for…”

“I don’t need your apology Lu. Just make it up to me by being a part of my life”

In that moment perhaps in my imagination, a star like twinkle shined briefly on the surface of her eyes, similar to the reflection of a teal pool displaying the moon lit sky above. With a return nuzzle and a light sigh she gives the gentlest kiss upon my cheek.

Pained even in smiling, her appreciation bled through her voice, “I shall never leave your side”

Filled with a longing for connection, we embraced. My own lips broke into a smile and we spent the next minute or so like this until Luna pulled away.

“We will refrain from anymore self deprecation from this point on… at least until we return home”

Chuckling at her half promise I give a boop to her nose, “Good luck doing any of that when we get back cause I sure as hell ain’t allowing it”

“Whatever could thou do to stop us?”

“I mean I couldn’t really stop you from thinking any of that stuff but, I could stop you from saying it out loud”

“With what? Magic? Pfft, please Joey, there is-“

With a direct kiss I stop her dead from continuing, the touch immediately sidetracking her brain to the now more important mission. At least til she remembered what was just said. With a smack of our lips we separated and Luna pressed a hoof to my chest preventing another assault.

“Unfair!”

“Totally fair! You have the same power as me!”

“T-tis-! Dah! We will discuss this later. For now, follow close. Our destination is but a few paces more”

Moving down the single hallway, we passed several more previously used tunnels, most of which collapsed. Second thoughts aren’t hard to start, specially after seeing the ceiling caved in for one of the very same tunnels you currently travel.

“Luna are you sure this is safe to be down here?”

“Most certainly not but, we will not dally long”

“You know I kinda wished you lied right there”

“And what good would that do? We would either die and it be meaningless to worry over or we are fine and it meaningless to worry over”

“I don’t think that’s how it works”

“Works, perks, I just wish to get out of here as soon as possible”

Coming across a dead end, there remained but a large wooden door held together by several metal plates strapping across its width. Revealing another key Luna worked away at the rusted lock.

“Sorry for.. for making you come”

“It was our decision to help”

“Yeah but, I kinda coerced you into coming in here though”

Opening the door she turns to me and smirks.“Then be sure to pay me back”

“Tons of cuddles?”

“You could do more”

“Greedy much?”

“Says the one unwilling to give more”

“Kisses and cuddles?”

“Warmer…”

“Ah jeez… Luna we can’t just… I mean. It feels kinda awkward with Pinkie still…”

“Under the same roof?” I nod. “Joey Pinkie and I are both perfectly aware of what might occur within a herd. I am sure she will understand when the situation comes to it. Surely you and Pinkie have preformed intercourse before during my own stay have you not?” The awkward shuffle and neck scratch answers for her. “What?!”

“I don’t know! It felt.. weird to do it while you were in the house. There just hasn’t been the right opportunity!” I scramble to answer, blushing feverishly.

“We never realized we have caused such anguish! For tonight perhaps we should stay with another. This way-“

“Luna you can’t just set up a fuck date with me and Pinkie”

“I don’t see why not but, this is an argument for another time. Welcome to our morgue”

Morgue was a poor word. Tomb? Yes, much more fitting. Fitted along the walls, multiple craved out holes held various large stone containers. Although similar in design each had a small inscription at the base written in that stupid scribble language only Luna and Twilight seem to know. Likely the name, cause, or time of death if I had to guess. Probably all of them together if the ponies of the past were any smart.

Down the room I looked and the wall of caskets seemingly never ended. Only with the light of the many torches deep within was I able to see how far the walls stretched.

Luna was already fast at work scanning over the many tombs for our mystery pony. It wasn’t until she reached halfway down the lighted part of the room that she stopped, maybe some twenty down.

“It is here” her voice held steady.

“Quantum Matter?”

“Yes. Death of self inflected wound influenced by causes unknown”

“Influenced by causes unknown?”

“Suicide was relatively a new concept at the time Joey”

“What an innocent world that must’ve been”

“With war causalities piling up every every twenty or so years I would be inclined to disagree but, when referencing mental health? Yes, things were more predictable”

Now standing in front of our possible lead I can’t help get a little anxious. Could this be a breakthrough? Could my illness be be solved another way? However, standing around thinking about the possibilities wouldn’t get me anywhere. We needed to see what rest within.

“With a little bit of magic… we can reverse the seal aaaand… there!” An audible crunch shook the casket and it’s stone top shifted.

With a lift Luna pulled it from the wall, placing it to the floor. Pushing the lid off as well, it’s loud gravely scrapping gave the impression of its weight.

“Jeez that has to weigh almost a ton”

“Then be gracious for our magic” she huffs.

Slipping the lid off to the side we shuffle over taking a peek inside. It’s much too dark to see so with a light of her horn Luna shines upon our prize.

Gazing down the remains from head to toe a slow chill begins to make its way down my spine. A skeleton. A human skeleton. The shock alone sends me stumbling back some. Holding my head I can’t grasp how this could be possible. Was it a prank?

“Luna that wasn’t funny” Only her face matches mine, horror.

With a slow turn she can only shake her head no. “This… this cannot be…”

“He was a pony Lu! A fucking pony I remember what the journal said!”

“There has never been another human before we are sure…. does sister know of this?”

I have to walk back over to look again still not believing the sight. Sure enough the blue illumination from Luna’s horn confirmed my fear.

“Luna this doesn’t make sense, he was a pony I remember the journal. He said he hated his body and wanted to be different did he not? His unicorn body”

“Then perhaps… he wished to change back”

I aggressively point toward the coffin, “But the journal said he failed so why is there a human skeleton in there!”

“We do not know Joey! This is a lot to take in!”

“Has there been other humans besides him? What the fuck is going on?!?”

“Joey, Joey listen to me. You need to settle down”

My heart raced fast enough to hurt my neck so I sat atop the side of the coffin, slowing my breathing best I can. Resting a hoof on my shoulder she continued to examine the remains, her magical glow coating the inside.

“Was he even a bad pony?”

“Hm? Who? Quantum?”

Meeting her gaze I can’t help feel conflicted. Everything I knew about my sickness now in question. “If he just wanted to be human again… I don’t know what to think. He fell into the same situation as me only not in his body… he’s just a victim”

“He performed illegal trials of magic and caused the death of thousands”

“Thousands?”

“Joey there is not a pony to this day who does not carry the genetic mutation he caused. We have checked. Countless upon countless of trials all resulting with the same conclusion. Even I an alicorn carry the gene”

“You could catch this?”

“We already have it. Our magic immunities keep it dormant much like the elements and other princesses. Although I was born before Quantum meaning exposure is our likely cause”

“From working in the morgue?”

“Perhaps. T’was all so long ago… I couldn’t be sure”

Looking down to the hands on my lap I’m left in a state of shock still.

“We can’t tell anypony about this”

Confused she stops her investigation, “We must tell Celly at least”

“Luna if word gets out that this guy could’ve been human then my hopes of living peaceful in Equestria are done. Two humans who ever lived here, two untreatable contagious sicknesses? They’ll know I’m a threat”

“Joey there are few who even know about this gene. It is unlikely anypony will even care or even know the significance of this if they do find out”

“It only takes one pony Lu, one to spread the message”

“Thou were simply a victim! You did not help in creating your condition! Ponies will understand that much I guarantee”

“What if he didn’t create it either though? What if he already had the same thing I did and his experiment just released it? We might have already been carriers before we even came to Equestria… there’s probably no cure”

“The reports stated-“

“They didn’t know until after he was dead! It was all assumptions!”

“We are trying to help! Why must you assume the worst?”

“Because everything is going that way is it not? Celestia thinks it can be cured with self love but, is there any evidence backing that up?”

“It… she had admitted to us it was all theory”

Truly lost emotionally I have to get out. Quantum’s remains now were a strong reminder of my hopelessness, a foreshadowing. I could almost puke.

“Joey? Joey where are you going?”

“Home”

“B-but.. wait! There.. there could be something we have missed still. Stay until-“

By then I couldn’t make out what she was saying having covered enough distance back down the hall to drown her words into echoing bellows. My mind a fog.

I need to go home

I kept repeating that. Over, and over again. Anything to keep my thoughts from wondering. Soon the stone walls of the castle became thick jungle. I was so distracted in fact, that Pinkie had begun walking with me worried with my lack of responses. Whether it was the tone of her voice or the familiarity of it, my body reacted with awareness snapping back to reality.

“Do you feel sick? Is it the poops? Joey please you’re scaring me”

“Pinkie… I’m scared”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay and… one day I might not have the strength anymore to keep going. I need you to promise me-“ I stop, squatting down to meet her. “-promise me you won’t let me give up no matter how bad I feel, no matter how much I beg. Can you do that for me?”.

Confused and still stressed over my sudden request, she can’t deny a plea for help like what I have delivered. In a quick burst she’s hugged to my chest sitting me flat on my bottom.

“Of course” however when she goes to pull away and perform her Pinkie promise I stop her with another hug.

“You don’t have to do that. I trust your word enough”

“Is there anything I can do? Anything to make you feel better?”

“Yeah. Stay with me”

Nodding a few tears roll down her face. “N-n-not a p-problem”

I worried her to tears.

Eventually Luna had found us walking again and joined us in our way back home. Still in disguise I could tell she was worried sick about everything that had happened. This poor mare who’s already overwhelmed with her own problems was now trying to help carry mine. I was spoiled.

“Pinkie may I ask of you a favor?” She lowers her voice bringing the two of them over to the side. Their conversation is too quiet to hear.

When they separate Luna is quick to face me, “I must have a word with our sister. Please understand our absence for the time being”

“It’s totally fine, I get it. You go tell Celly what happened”

“Thank you” with a swish of her tail and the light of her horn a large poof of smoke forms where she once stood.

Letting out a large sigh Pinkie takes it as a queue to cheer things up. “Wanna hear who won the most daring pony?”

Everything in my body screams to sulk but can tell what she’s doing. I play along, “I’ll take a guess and say it was Aj”

“Huh? Why you say that?”

“Cause she’s more tough bred ya know? Farm girl doing hard labor, probably doesn’t believe superstitions. Sure she can get frightened like any other pony but, I think she’s braver than any other pony”

“Braver than Dash?! She’s like a hero! Remember when she saved us during the hot air balloon crash or when she tried fighting that scary bug mare by herself at the wedding? Actually scratch that last part, you didn’t see that hehe… unless you did. You didn’t see that did you? Did you?!?”

I have to pull her and her magnifying glass off me just to focus, “Hey easy pink, I’ll tell you my reason. It’s cause I think Rainbows more girly then she lets on”

“But I thought you said she was gay?”

A chuckle at first, slowing building over time all the way up to the point where my laughter bellows throughout the Everfree scattering any birds from surrounding trees. It’s one of those laughs that keeps going, all the way up to the point your stomach hurts. Somewhere along the line Pinkie had joined in laughing too. Wiping a tear from my eye I pick Pinkie up and hoist her up into a piggyback ride. She’s much heavier then I expect but, I wouldn’t dare say so aloud.

“No.. heheh, no she’s not gay. Oh my god that’s hilarious you thought that”

Blushing she tickles my ear with overhanging bang, “I didn’t actually think that! I know she likes stallions! She even told me who she likes”

“What?! Who? Details pink, I need to know”

“Nope, no can do buster. I made a promise”

Welp that info is dead in the water

“Shucks”

“So why you think she couldn’t have won?”

She kicks her legs slightly as I hold them so I shuffle some to readjust, “I already said. Cause she’s more girly.. marely. Is that a word?”

Gasping she pokes the top of my head, “Joey! I didn’t know you were a mareonizer. You think cause a pony is a mare they can’t be daring?”

“What? I didn’t say that”

She gasps again, “What?! You think it’s okay to throw your mare around when she doesn’t listen?”

“Okay now I know you’re just messing with me”

“Unbelievable Joey. How could I have ever fallen in love with you?”

“Cause I’m handsome as fuck?” Giggling she playfully bites my ear.

“I got a fun idea”

“Yeah?”

“Since Luna’s out the house tonight how about you and me do the sheets dance”

“Sheets dance?” I laugh.

“Don’t make me say the actually word! It’s grody!”

“Just pretend to be Twilight. ‘Would you ascertain in some coitus’?”

We share another laugh all the way up to the point where the Everfree ends. The sun peeks over the horizon and Fluttershy’s cottage happens to be right over the nearby hill.

“So I wasn’t the only one uncomfortable with doing it while Lunas staying over?”

“Duh. Even though she’s one of my super best friends, she’s still my princess too! I’ll get over it eventually, don’t you worry”

“Guess that would be a little awkward huh. Hey wait, is that Spike in Fluttershys cottage?”

A flash of purple and green crosses by the window followed by a yellow and pink pony. Still too far away I can’t really tell what’s going on.

“Probably. Why’s that such a big deal? Everypony started leaving the castle when you and Luna went off together, I’m sure they just got there”

“I don’t mean to be nosy but, I think I set those two up to court each other”

“Whaaaaaat? How’d you do that? They’re courting?”

“Maybe… I don’t actually know yet but, they might be”

Still kinda peeking around as we pass I try not to hover longer then we need to. “Oh! I never told you who won the most daring pony!”

“Who was it?”

“It was a tie! Isn’t that awesome?”

“For friendship purposes? Yeah. Entertainment? No”

“Ah but, everypony wins this way! I think it’s the best outcome. They were both so deserving, I couldn’t decide”

“Guess that’s what happens when you have a biased judge”

“The best result!” She yells confidently.

“Heh, yep. Perfect sound strategy. Nothing could possibly go wrong with a biased judge”

“Yup!”

Pinkies energy is almost radioactive. I can practically feel her pulsating against my back.

“You’re just ready to explode aren’t ya?”

“More like make you explode! It’s been forever since we last got all sweaty and sticky together. Let’s not forget about bath time after! Eeeee! I am so excited!”

Chuckling I reach back to ruffle her already messy mane, “How I missed your pervy ass”

Finally reaching my house I had completely forgotten why I was bummed out in the first place, the rest of the night passing like a blur. It wasn’t until morning that everything came rushing back.

Laying in bed with the light sneaking through the curtains I pulled Pinkie deeper into me. A raging headache already thumping away in my skull.

“I need a distraction”

Author's Notes:

I never realized I’ve been writing this for over a year… and some of you I recognize from early on. Never thought I’d get this far from day one. Never thought I’d keep writing but here we are.

Don’t normally do this but, ima pat myself on the back cause fuck yeah! We still going and some of you still going with me! Fuckin love y’all and I want to take second to say thank you to a few of the familiar faces.

Gambling_Sam, former Cinnamon Toast Crunch profile photo man. You’ve been here since day one always leaving a comment every chapter and I can’t explain how much I appreciate that.

Fictionfan100, another long time reader and frequent commenter. Always appreciate your feedback and im pretty sure you were one of the ones who wanted Luna as our love interest so I hope my story has been pleasant recently

Tsaukpaetra, you took the time in one of the more delicate chapters to tell a personal experience from your life that I felt was both generous and very thoughtful. I can’t ever thank you enough for that

Crsh11, nobody has ever made me laugh harder then you commenting “YES!” And nothing else on the first clop chapter. Not sure if your still reading but, If you are im glad

SgtAwesome97, at one point I believe you told me I was a good author or something similar and it stuck with me for a while. I had never had such a comment before so reading it literally made my night. Such a small thing really helped me feel like I was doing something right and build my confidence

Sergey_Lukin, I know for a fact you took the time to discuss with me a specific scene I wrote and even went as far as saying “you are awesome, author, for real”. Sometimes I have these random spurts where no matter how things are going in my life good or bad I can’t help but feel lifeless. Like going on is a waste a time and that I’ll be alone til I die. I was under one of those spells when I read your comment and I want you to know it really touched my heart at a time where I needed it. Thank you

Thank you to anyone else I didn’t outright mention as well. There are others but, I don’t wish to drag on. Leave a comment if you feel bummed I didn’t mention you and I’ll let you know how much I remember ya. Trust me you’d be surprised because like I said before, y’all matter. Y’all matter to me

29 Too Many Errands

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Life had come to a screeching halt, an awkward place. Balanced between okay and screaming internally, I could only hope the last twenty four hours were all but a fluke. Alas this wasn’t the case. A slumbering Pinkie Pie still hugged around my waist and a concerned beauty Luna still remained absent. Then there was I, exactly where I last left off in my hopeful dream of a yesterday.

So badly did I urge to toss and turn, scream to the god above why I must be cursed to carry this burden and yet receive no answer. A human embodiment of plague and for some reason oddly alluring to the innocently minded ponies around. They were almost drawn to me as a moth to light unknowing of the danger I posses. How I could make them suffer from the simplest mistake. Such a responsibility too burdensome for one to carry and so in that sense I chose other ways to bide my thoughts, to keep unwarranted anxieties at bay.

With my frustration building I made sure to slip away from Pinkies anaconda grip with a simple kiss and whisper, “Take it easy today love” and remove myself promptly as to not wake her.

Taking a bundle of clothes I get dressed in my living room. Khaki shorts, black socks, a long sleeve white shirt and a baseball cap similar to the one I first brought with me. Lastly I check for my collar, loosely clipping it around my neck. Strangely enough it was the most important part of my outfit for all the wrong reasons. I was no fashionista but, I still knew how horrible it ruined every fit.

Slipping on my already tied shoes I shut the door behind me and lock it, making sure my precious wittle Pinkster gets her much needed rest without any distractions. Yes it may seem absurd given Equestria’s lack of crime however, you’re missing the forest for the trees. With this level of comfort many times ponies will invite themselves right in, literally. My house was one of the few with an actual lock and even after I insisted it many of the girls couldn’t understand why. Specially Pinkie.

I liked my privacy and I guess they’d need to experience the pleasure of ignoring others for a day to truly understand. Nothing says a me day like putting the phone on silent and never replying to a single text, only in Equestria change all of that to pretending not to be home. It almost works every time.

With a slightly colder breeze than usual the summer weather must have been coming close to an end. Sure the summers were long here and the fall rather long too but, I was a winter man and I missed it dearly given the short time I had to enjoy it. Also most of my outfits kinda fit the winter and my past found familiarity with colder temperates. Call it homesickness if you will.

I was getting distracted albeit a good thing in this context, I needed to focus on what my original plan was. Eureka! To head over to all my friends or most and see if there’s anything I could do to help, just like old times, but where to first?

Given Fluttershy is my literal neighbor it would only be fitting to check with her and so I headed down the dirt path separating our two homes.

Small hills of grass made up most the plains of Ponyvilles outskirts where farm land did not reside, the open vastness leaving the sounds of town to disappear before ever reaching me. A quiet trip indeed left only disturbed by occasional drafts of wind. One could consider this tranquil, a haven for drifting thoughts or daydreams many of which unpleasant in my specific case.

I didn’t need the time to think rather I’d prefer I had none, busy and away from pointless squabbling or anxieties. My character was flawed this I knew, only a solution to avoid such thinking I still hadn’t managed. Only if it were simple as solving an equation or a puzzle.

A puzzle… a good moniker to label my current life. If I only knew what I was doing. Here I was so distracted in solving my illness that failed to see what lay after. What was I to do? Sure it would be nice to have a cutie mark to give me a clue but, I wasn’t a pony. There was the suggestion however, made by Lu, to be her advisor. This I was surely incapable of doing at least without years of experience and I wouldn’t put Equestria’s people at risk for experience. Celly would likely stop anything like that from happening though or at least I’d like to think, blaming Luna’s bias on her selection ruling me out. Perhaps there was a purpose for me in this world, for why I was brought here but, I’m sure I wouldn’t know soon.

Bouncing around inside my brain the entire walk, it’s an abrupt arrival to Shy’s cottage that finds me at her door. Unsure of how long I’d been standing there I didn’t wish to seem creepy so I knocked a few times taking a step back. Peering off her porch around the side she wasn’t out back. Around a minute passed and figured she might not have heard me so I knocked again. This stirred things up.

Immediately a loud thump from inside startled me and a pair of voices both hushed in tone seemed to yell to each other. Fearing the worst I yell out.

“Hey Shy you okay?” I give a few more light knocks as I speak.

“Coming!” I can tell it’s her voice and it’s easy to settle back down. Sounds from within seem to stir up even more until the filter that is her door opens with a peek. “Joey? H-hey… what’s um… w-what do you need?”

She’s flustered, her face awfully pink for just answering a door.

“Hey yeah…. I just thought I’d stop by everyponies places today and see if there was anything I could help with. Seeing how I’m back and all. Just trying to stay busy heheh”

“Oh w-well uh… I don’t um.. this isn’t exactly the b-best time you see uh… maybe… maybe come back later today and I can find something I need help with?” Her forced smile leaves me perplexed.

“Are you um… is everything okay?”

She’s quick to answer, “Peachy! Yep! Just… tiding up is all”

“Is somepony else here cause I swear-“

“Just me!” Another horribly forced smile and with it I can almost audibly hear the comical dog toy squeeze.

“Shy you kinda suck at lying”

“L-lying? I’m not lying”

Squinting harder at her I can tell it’ll only take a few more pokes before she pops. Then, it doesn’t matter, a loud crash coming from inside draws us both to look for the source. Only when Shy turns back to see me peeking inside she instinctively shuts the door, slamming my nose in the process.

With a shout I rush a hand to my face as Shy nearly feints from her own action. “Shy! Fff- why’d you do that for?!”

“Oh I’m so so sorry! Oh my goodness please come in, let me check your nose”

Guiding me with a hoof I fight through teary vision until I’ve found my way to her living room couch. Taking initiative she pulls my hand away to look.

“I really am sorry Joey I don’t know what came over me. Here take these and pinch your nose right here. Lean forward and I’ll be right back with a towel”

Handing a few tissues to hold against my now bleeding nose, Shy rushes off leaving me alone. Fiery was the pain and the metallic smell of my own blood was sickening. You could say the day was already off to a good start.

”mmhmhmhm”

Again I hear another pony from across the cottage or at least two of them. It sounded like a conversation but, I couldn’t make anything out. Soon after it’s silence Shy returned giving me a much more capable absorber then the soiled tissues. With a clamp I leaned forward again.

“I uh… I don’t think it’s broken at least”

“Shy who’s in your home with us?”

“B-besides us? Well… there’s a few of my bird friends and-“

“Shy I heard you talking to someone. Why the secrecy?”

“Um… I uh…” Flustered beyond belief, if Shy got any more red she’d surely feint.

Feeling a little pervasive I decide to pull back. If there’s anyone who should know about the importance of privacy, it would be me.

“Okay, okay I’ll drop it. If you don’t want to tell me then that’s fine, we all have our secrets right?” She only nods in response still much too embarrassed to look my way. “Alright well since you said to come back later I’ll do just that. Do you uh… do you want this towel back or should I just…?”

“Y-you can take it.. or throw it away. It’s all icky now.. n-n-not saying y-your icky or anything but-“

“Heh, I get it Shy calm down. You and your secret friend can go back to.. whatever you two were doing and I’ll be back later”

“O-okay… thank you for… for checking in on me. I’ll find something for you to help me with before you get back, I swear”

Checking to see if the bleeding had stopped I tossed the spoiled towel in a bin near the door, “See ya soon”

“Be safe”

After I shut the door I make sure to take a few more steps away before I let out a storm of cusses, still gripping my very sore nose. It stung like hell but wasn’t going to let it stop me from making use of this day.

Left with a decision once more on where to go I kept with the program and headed over to the next closest home. The Carousel Boutique. Relatively close to Ponyvilles outskirts, Rarity’s home still could be considered in one of the more populated parts of town. It was both close to town hall and the market district making it a frequently visited location for ponies and other species alike. Personally I dislike large crowds so it could explain why I didn’t know much about Rarity. I was often too afraid of the discomfort to make the journey over meaning our time spent together had really been limited to times with the whole group. Was it selfish? Most definitely yes but, we were both young and there was plenty of time to grow our friendship, today being a perfect example. It brings a smile to my face to even think about my friendship with all the girls.

Strolling into town ponies went about their days without a care, distracted in their errands or lost in conversations with others. Wether it be childhood friends or family, lovers or rivals the town was popping with activity and I seemingly blended in. Finally after all this time, a regular. No more worries about-

“Hey Joey! You mind helping me out real quick?” Spinning around slightly unnerved, the small mare behind me almost goes completely unnoticed at first glance given her height. “I got a couple of materials I needed to bring over to Rarity’s but, my wagon wheel broke. You mind carrying some for me?”

The small orange mare felt oddly familiar but, I couldn’t place a name.

Green mane, orange coat, brown freckles, friends with rarity… oh god what’s your name?!

I take a peek at her cutie mark hoping for a hint all the while nodding my head and taking the cloths she hands to me. A sewing needle and spool underlying a white flower, it wasn’t very helpful.

“Thanks a bunch for this, I really didn’t want to cancel on Rarity but, when I saw you walking by I knew for sure I could make this work”

“Figured me nice enough to help out eh?”

“I can tell a good pony when I see one, that and when I spoke to you last you seemed the friendly type. Plus your friends with Rarity too, It was an easy assumption”

Unlike your name

“Yeah heheh… when did we meet again?”

“Hearths Warming! Don’t you remember? You came in all worried, waiting for the last minute to buy your friends gift. You got a hair tie, one with an apple”

Ohhhh I remember that! Yep, Applejacks present

“Oh yeah! That was a little while ago huh. I promised you I’d stop buy again”

“You sure didn’t but, I don’t hold that against you” she giggles. “Not many of my customers are regulars, kinda comes with the business. We can just consider today repayment for a broken promise”

“Hey I never did specify how soon I’d come back, you never know. Maybe I was planning on coming back next Hearths Warming?”

Laughing she hands me the last of her cloths stuffed into a larger than normal saddle bag as I toss it over my shoulder with a huff.

“That’s a whole year! Guess it kinda fits your procrastinating ways”

“Is that all you remember about me?”

“At least I remembered your name. It’s all weird an alien too! Gotta be extra bonus points for that” her emerald eyes cheerfully sparkle back matching her joyful trot beside me.

“I gotta be honest-“

“Sweetie Bee”

“Huh?”

“My name. I know you forgot it”. Embarrassed from being called out she continues, “Don’t blame yourself, it doesn’t really match my lifestyle like most ponies names do. It’s kinda cute though and I do like cute things so I still like it”

“Sweetie Bee” I say it to myself aloud, hoping to engrave it to memory.

“That’s me!” She hops. “Sweet as can be, just like my papa used to say”

“I’d say the names more fitting then you’d think”

“Cause I’m sweet? Or cause I can sting like a bee?” She even buzzes around me pretending to stab my hip with a stinger.

I chuckle at the antics, “Cause your way too innocent”

And adorable. The level that’s so cute you can’t help but feel a protective urge

“Innocent? You don’t know that! Unless it’s some sort of weird hooman power you secretly posses…” distracted she nearly trips over an uneven stone.

“In fact, you might be the most innocent pony I’ve ever met”

Slightly blushing she puffs her cheeks, “Well, that’s not exactly a bad thing”

“Not at all. Actually it’s kind of endearing”

Suddenly her blush grows deep, “Y-you didn’t actually mean endearing right? Do you know what that means?”

Confused on the meaning of endearing I clarify, “I meant it in a friendly way, like it’s nice to be around someon- somepony so nice. So… pure. Pure is a good word too, so pure”

“It is a good word but I can’t take that kind of credit, it’s too much! Look at me, I’m too small for that much praise!”

She was small.

“You’re humble too, wow. What a great pony”

“Please! Stop! I can’t take anymore!” She yells, folding her ears in a miserable attempt to escape my words.

“Okaaay I’ll stop. Don’t think you’re off the hook”

“Off the hook? What did I even do wrong?!”

“Acting and lookin too damn cute. Oughta be a crime round these parts”

“Well it’s not so stop”

“Hmpf… fine. Doesn’t matter anyways since we’re already here”

Standing in front of her house, Sweetie gives a few polite knocks smiling back to me in eagerness. Rolling my eyes at her overbearing positivity a few sounds from behind the door catch both of ours attention. With a switch of the door a much smaller pony reveals herself to be the culprit.

“Hey Sweetie Belle, you mind telling your sister that I’m here with her weekly restock?”

“Sure thing Miss Bee! Oh and hi Joey, what are you doing here?”

“Just helping out. I was actually heading over here to see if Rarity needed help with anything but, got caught up from this little orange here” I give a friendly hip check to Sweetie beside me.

“Okay, I’ll go get her for you both!”

“Thank you Sweetie” Bee said, giving her a pat on the head.

Rushing off playing the part of hero, Sweetie left us both to ourselves inside the home. I took this break to set down the saddlebag, it’s weight kinda hurting my shoulder at this point.

“Thanks for helping me out again”

“Yeah.. no problem”

Insert an awkward silence. I didn’t really know Sweetie nor did she know me so without much to talk about things kinda got… quiet.

“You uh… you known Rarity for a long time?”

“A few years now”

“Cool cool….”

“…”

“Do you live in Ponyville?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, kinda near the Everfree”

“Huh, isn’t that kinda scary?”

“Not really”

“I think it is”

“…”

“Helllooo you two!” Our savior had arrived, purger of discomfort.

“Rare aye, what’s up?”

“Hiya Rarity! I brought those new lavender shades you’ve been wanting and a new yellow that’s getting hot in Canterlot”

Inspecting them over she fawns at the sight, “These are just fabulous! Why I wouldn’t expect any less of you my dear Sweetie. However I must ask, why is it that Joey has helped you bring these today? What happened to your wagon?”

“Oh that stupid thing broke on me. I knew I needed a new wheel after last time but, I hate having to go get it fixed. Thankfully I spotted Joey here and I just knew he’d help me out once I said it was for you”

“I probably would’ve helped you out either way honestly”

“See Sweetie? I told you no stallion could resist a cute little mare like you. You just have to be more assertive”

“But that’s tough! Stallions can be so scary sometimes and I just want to make sure I find the right one. One that’ll be assertive for me”

“There isn’t many like that Sweetie, you really shouldn’t wait. Before you know it all of the young handsome stallions will be gone, swept up leaving you a poor mare left to her career alone” Something told me she was speaking from experience.

“Anyways, Rarity is there anything I can help you with today?”

“Haven’t any plans with Pinkie or pri- Lulu?”

“Nah. I was actually kinda hoping to check on all the girls today and stay a little busy. I kinda get cooped up having nothing to do sometimes so”

“That’s awfully kind of you however, there isn’t much I really need help with. There is one thing I’d like to talk to you about but, let me first get things settled here. If you’d like you can go help Sweetie with some of her homework from school in the other room for me”

“Sure, I can do that. This way?”

“Yes, the second door on the right”

Leaving them both to their negotiating I walk down the hall until I’ve reached Sweeties room, lightly knocking twice before entering.

“Hey, Rarity said you got some homework you need help with?”

Clearly frustrated at whatever she’s working on, she lifts her face from the table in surprise. “You know multiplication?”

“Multiplication? Pfft, that stuffs easy. Here, let me see whatcha got”

So began a cute few minutes of Sweeties hopeless plight. Who knew anypony could be so bad at math?

“Sweets we just did that one right there and you got it fine. Look it’s the same problem they just switched the numbers”

“But that’s why it’s hard! Why don’t you just do this one for me and I’ll learn by watching you?”

“Cause that’s not going to help you learn it as good as if you do it on your own. Cmon, draw the numbers out and let’s go over it together”

“Oookaaaay…. 27…. times 42. Carry the one…”

“Don’t forget to add the zero right there”

“Shoot, the stupid zero! Ugh, nopony even likes the number zero”

“Less zero hate, more maths”

“Is it one thousand, one hundred and thirty four?” I have to take a second to double check her work seeing in the end it is indeed correct.

“Yeah! See? Told ya it’s the same. You totally got the rest of these”

“I do! They really are all the same when I really look at it. Okay, okay, let’s do the next together again”

“Am I interrupting?” Rarity asks barging into my classroom.

“Yes, miss Rarity it’s come to my attention that your sister has the makings of a genius. The school board would like to put her in some more advanced classes”

Trotting over to see her progress she makes sure to get a good pinch of cheek, “Look how many you did without me! You really are good at these Sweetie. Perhaps you’ll find a cutie mark in mathematics?”

“Nah, it wasn’t all me. Joey helped out a bunch! He’s like super smart or something!”

Chuckling at her praise I give a small pat to her head, “I just pointed you in the right direction, you did the work. You got the rest of theses on your own right? I need to talk with your big sis”

“Yup! I sure do, thanks a bunch Joey!”

“No problem. Alright Rare, where to?”

“Follow me dearie”

Faintly as I leave I can hear Sweetie excitedly squeak about telling the other crusaders. “Maybe we can all teach the rest of the class and get our cutie marks that way”

How adorable.

Taking me deeper into her home we eventually end up in what I can only assume is Rarity’s bedroom. Taking a seat at the end of her bed she spins to me with a serious look.

“Joey be straightforward. Do you know if Spike and Fluttershy are courting?”

“Wow that was… forward. Um… maybe?”

Here I was left with a decision. Should Rarity continue to pressure me, I might let it slip that Shy’s behavior earlier and seemingly less mysterious guest by the moment answered her question but, would Shy be angry with me for saying so? I wasn’t sure what was okay to say and what wasn’t. I needed to change the subject.

“Maybe? Have you spoken to either of them about it? Have you gone to Fluttershys today yet? You did say earlier you were visiting us all”

“Uh… I did go there earlier but she wasn’t there” I lie. “Is there anything else you might need help with?”

“Joey you see, this is exactly what I need help with. If my friend Fluttershy… our friend, has begun a relationship with another one of our friends, we need to be there to help support and guide them! You know Fluttershy and Spike, they’re both so… shy. They’ll never get anywhere with a relationship!”

“Rarity maybe you’re reading into things that aren’t there-“

“They left together yesterday! Together! Spike always goes home with Twilight!”

“Maybe she needed help with something I don’t know”

“Joey you must do this for me. When you go back to Fluttershy’s later you must find out the truth”

“Who said I was going back?”

“Joey… please. I know you. If she wasn’t there earlier you’d come back later and try to help out. Your a good stallion”

“Ah jeez when you put it that way”

“So you’ll help me then?”

“And you want me to come back right after and tell you?”

“As soon as possible”

“Okay but if she isn’t home I’m going home so don’t stay up waiting for me”

“It’s fine darling but do try to hurry. I have a dress I must have ready for Sweetie in the morning for her school talent show and I can’t stay up waiting for too long”

“Alright… is that it though?”

“It would be perfect if you did that and only that, nothing more”

“I’ll ask her or try to when I go back but, if she doesn’t budge I’m not going to keep poking”

“Completely fair. Now where is it you’re heading next?”

“Hmmm probably Twilights”

“Tell her I said hello and if you want, try asking my Spikey wikey as well”

“I’ll try. Take it easy Rarity”

“See you soon hopefully”

“Heh hopefully”

Unsatisfied. A perfect description of how I now felt. I was hoping to help Rarity out and get to know her more not go on some gossip hunt! Why did I even agree? It mattered not either way, my main focus of the day to keep the brain busy and it was going rather well. Tough not to be distracted from all the strange mystery going on with Flutters.

Strolling across town the distance from Rarity’s to Twilights would likely be the farthest walk, Fluttershy’s house to mine the shortest. The trip wasn’t great even as the longest but, it did travel through some of the busiest parts of town unfortunately for me.

Many ponies would wave or say hi and I would try my best return the gesture however, the attention my height brought really was uncomfortable. Sure I was getting better with crowds and being in public but, growth takes time and I was definitely wasn’t near the comfortable level of someone like a teacher. Every eye my way still brought a rush of heat to my face, sweat to my pores. That being said, It wasn’t the weather that was making my shirt stick.

Like all forms of torture there’s eventually an end and with the appearance of the Golden Oaks Library I knew mine was over. Checking the sign it was flipped closed, a marvelous proof of privacy, there would be no interruption. With some of the most relieving knocks to a door I sit back watching nearby ponies go about their day.

Cracking open the door with a noisy squeak Twilight smiled to me with pleasured surprise.

“Well if it isn’t the biggest trouble maker in Ponyville” and with a light peck to my cheek she giggles, “And my idiot coltfriend. You have told Pinkie right?”

“I told Luna” I say preparing for a smack. “That has to count for something!”

Letting out a hopeless sigh she meets a hoof to her face. “What am I going to do with you?”

“I have an idea, how about giving me something to help you with today?”

“So wait, you came over to- actually can we take this conversation inside?” A few ponies walking nearby made it clear we should change scenery.

Now back in my original home I made myself comfortable on the couch as well did Twilight, resting herself atop of me with stomach pointed to the ceiling. We both lay flat, my hand running through her silk smooth mane, twiddling knots with the strands of pink and purple highlights. Things became awfully cozy and quiet quickly.

“Where’s Spike? He home?”

“He stayed the night at Fluttershys. He was nice enough to volunteer helping out with some late night chores for her animal friends and thought he should just stay the night given the time. He said he didn’t want to wake me up specially after such a long day. Such a sweetheart”

“So he’s at Fluttershy’s still?”

“I don’t know, maybe. You never answered my question from earlier though”

There’s a brief pause before I answer, my light scratching drawing coos from the mare atop me.

“I don’t think you ever asked one”

“I didn’t?”

“You started to”

“… oh. Did you come over looking for something to do or did you just miss me?”

“Heh, call it a mixture but, if I was being honest I’d say I got some shitty news and I kinda need a distraction. Thankfully I know a few ponies that deserve all the help I can give, some cuter then others” I give her a kiss on the cheek.

“What kind of news? What happened?”

“It’s… complicated”

Left with the question, should I tell Twi, I battled constantly within my conscience in the few seconds I lay there. Could revealing this recent discovery make Twilight blame herself more? Sure she’s been willing to go easy on herself but, every time the subject is brought up again she’s quick to blame herself. Even to this day I can tell she still holds some remorse.

“I’m sure I can understand whatever you say Joey. Relative to all the stuff we’ve already been through I can’t imagine it’s anything I can’t handle”

Yet, I made a promise not to hide anything from her anymore.

“Yesterday when we all split up… Luna and I… we went and found Quantum Matters remains”

“How come? Does princess Luna have some sort of way to trace back the original spell? It wasn’t necromancy was it? She gives me the vibe she might dabble”

“We thought there might be some kind of clue. Luna probably had other plans or some ace up her sleeve but we never got that far. We stopped right after we opened the casket”

“His remains weren’t there?”

“I hope those weren’t his.. actually I don’t know what would be worse”

“Huh? What are saying?”

“He was human or well.. the body was a human. It was a human skeleton. Luna checked it”

She gets up, spinning around to see if I was telling the truth. “Quantum was… a human?”

“Yeah…”

“This changes everything” in the moment she’s lost in a sea of theories, her eyes racing for a solution until she has to grab a notebook to start writing down ideas. “Joey I’m… I’m really sorry but do you mind coming back later tonight? I need to think about this and I’ll need silence to do it”

Then with a sudden pause she drops the notebook and jumps into me with a hug. “I don’t mean to be such an idiot and push you out the door when you’re clearly suffering but, I think we have enough evidence now to figure out a plan. I can just feel it”

“But we haven’t spent time together like this in a while. I kinda wanted to continue”

“We’ll have plenty of time for stuff like this in future!”

“And you have plenty of time to solve my illness too”

“Joey please, I know I can figure something out tonight”

With a sigh I willingly surrender, “If you really think you can come up with something then I’ll give you the time. Any specific time you want me to come back?”

“Um… maybe real late? Give me the rest of the day at least. Come back later, sometime likeeee ten?”

“Alright, I trust you. I’ll be back round ten””

“Thank you thank you thank you! Joey I promise I’ll figure this out! You.. you should probably take the day off instead running around. I know I don’t deserve to go around telling you what to do but, I feel it isn’t too good to just stuff down and deal with this problem later like you normally do”

“How about I deal with it once you’ve came up with one of your great plans huh? That way I never have to deal with it cause you’ll solve the problem anyway” I give cheeky smile which she repays with a bonk to my noggin.

“How about you don’t put that kind of pressure on me?”

“Alright then don’t promise you’ll have a solution by tonight. It would be okay with me even if it takes a whole year so take it easy”

“What if you don’t have a whole year?”

“I ain’t getting any worse am I? I think we’re going to be fine”

“Okay but, I still want to see if I can figure something out”

“And that’s fine just don’t be all sad if you don’t have a solution. Sad Twilight means sad Joey”

“I’ll try to be chipper”

“Heh, yea okay”

“By the way if you run into Spike, tell him to stay with Shy again tonight will you? If I don’t have a solution by the time you get back I don’t want him bothering me from brainstorming the rest of the night.

“If I see him I’ll tell him but when I get back if you don’t have a solution we are going back to cuddling and that’s final”

“Hmm… fine. I’ll make up this time we lost I swear””

“I know you will”

Finally breaking our embrace we share a small kiss leaving Twi’s face a few darker shades purple then before. Perhaps withdraw from our last private moment got to her as she pressed for another kiss laying forcing me to my back once more. Only for a second some did my human sense of cheating come back, the same I had felt with Luna that time ago yet, washed away in Twilight’s overwhelming pressure. Engulfed in her scent it takes the parting of our lips to be brought back to reality, Twi sitting beside me heavily flustered.

“Sorry I got a little carried away…”

“We can… we can continue this later if you want?”

“That would be nice… as an experiment! Yep, totally a perfect moment to explore deeper bonds of friendship”

I have to laugh a little at her self justification, “I don’t think Celestia would want to read that friendship report Twi”

Unsure of what to say she kinda just looked to the floor twiddling her hooves. “Err… maybe it could be a private one. One only for my eyes”

“Whatever makes you feel less embarrassed”

“It’s not-! Ugh.. I’ll see you at ten”

“See you then purple” however right as I reach the door I’m sure not to squander the opportunity. “And if you have time make sure to use that lavender soap you always use cause-“

*SLAM*

Her door shut violently behind me bumping me out into the street. A few onlookers stare on strangely, some laughing and I make sure to hurry off away from the attention not really looking where I head.

“Well that went well”

“Yeah?”

“Yea- wait, Dash?”

“The one and only!” With a few unnecessary spins and flips she stops grinning ear to ear atop her cloud, only a few feet above.

“You must like stalking ponies huh?”

“I wasn’t stalking, I just noticed some doof getting tossed outside and I had to know who it was”

“Well I’m the doof”

“Duh!” She scuffs. “What are you even doing at Twilights? Why’d she kick you out?”

“She didn’t kick me out and it’s not that important”

“Suuuureeee”

“What are you even doing anyway? Napping away the day again?”

“N-no! I was watching over the town, you know, making sure everypony was getting along”

Putting a hand to my chest I act overwhelmed by Dash’s words, “Oh my! Ponyville’s mare in shining armor. How brave”

“Those sound like fighting words”

“It has been a minute since our last wrestle match”

“Or our last race… first one to Sweet Apple Acred wins!” But before she can take off I leap into the air grabbing her tail. “Gawh!”

“No flying ya little ch-“ *SMACK*

Out of instinct Dash rears a back leg straight into stomach sending me straight to my knees. My lungs are quick to empty and any attempt to recover is pointless leaving me to a shriveled mess rolling in the dirt. For what feels like hours I eventually catch a breath, coming back to my senses and a worked up Dash. Flustered she holds a hoof to my back.

“Dude are you okay?”

“Ugh… holy god….”

“Why’d you pull my tail! Everypony knows you never pull a ponies tail!”

“In case you…. couldn’t tell…. I’m not exactly… a fuckin pony!”

“Well don’t do it again!”

“I won’t!” Finally getting back to my feet my poor aching body screams in protest from todays hijinks. “Damn, today has already been nuts”

“Speaking of nuts, where’s Pinkie? How come you two aren’t doing something together if you got free time?”

Slightly upset from her little jab toward Pinkie I swallow down the anger. I wasn’t in the mood to fight.

“We did something last night. She’s probably still recovering” I say with a wink.

“T-that’s.. come on dude! I don’t need to hear about you and Pinkies gross sex life” she even gags a little at the end.

“In all seriousness I felt like I should spend some time with the others seeing how I haven’t in a while but, things kinda haven’t gone well”

“Yeah?”

“Like first Fluttershy was all… actually I don’t know if I should be saying anything about that, or really anything that’s happened today. Shit let’s just pretend I never said anything”

“Works for me. I never was too big into all that gossipy stuff Rarity’s always doing anyway. But, since you said todays been crap then allow the one and only Rainbow Dash to save it!”

“Please do. Like for real”

“Totally easy. The first step to having a super cool Dash day is to have a good breakfast! You eat anything yet today?”

“Nah I didn’t have breakfast. Kinda too late though now, it’s like two o’clock”

“Wait it’s two?” Looking to her wrist at just a tuft of pony fur she turns back to me, “Well that’s better for us anyway, means less ponies in our way!”

“Okay that’s fair. Where you wanna go?”

“Hmm… how about…”

Seafood. Ah yes, the typical two o’clock seafood restaurant in a town of herbivores. We couldn’t have been in a more unlikely scenario if I tried.

“Dash why is there a seafood restaurant here? Aren’t ponies herbivores?”

“Most are but, we can eat some meat if we want. I even heard that ponies that live in Seaddle eat fish daily”

“Yeah but we’re not in Seattle”

“Seaddle dude, there’s no T’s and there’s not just ponies that live here”

“Yeah but, Ponyvilles still like ninety percent ponies. There’s no way a business like this could stay open”

“Have you tried their food?”

“That’s… ugh. Honestly I shouldn’t complain. If their food is good then I should be happy this is even an option. I used to love seafood back home”

“You live by water back on your home planet?”

“Actually no, funny enough I lived near the middle of my nation. Wasn’t much water around at all and even less seafood places to show for it. I was an odd one for liking it for sure”

“Did your friends think it was odd?” Laughing a little at the absurdity of her question she couldn’t ever understand what would be considered odd back on Earth. “What? I thought that was a good question!”

“No it’s totally normal Dash plus my friends were a lot like me. We did a lot of the same things and enjoyed a lot of the same things but, that kinda goes with way time works. As you get older the amount of friends you have shrinks and shrinks til it’s just the ones you really fuck with or sometimes there’s none left. What I mean to say is I didn’t have many when… well you know… but, they were cool” Spoiling the mood some I sorta get lost in a trance.

Noticing my frown the mare across tries her best to change the subject, “You think I’d like lobster?”

“Maybe. It still has a little fish flavor, not that strong though. Kinda shrimp like”

“I’ve never had shrimp”

“What have you had?”

“Uhhh to be honest, nothing”

“Oh, um… maybe try cod? It’s probably the least fishy tasting fish. Then again if you’ve never had any seafood before I don’t even know if you’d dislike the fishy flavor”

“I’ll just go with whatever you thinks good seeing how you called yourself the sea master earlier”

“Heh, I only said I liked seafood”

“Master of seas, rider of waves” she gets carried away using her best movie trailer voice.

“Im actually a terrible swimmer too”

“Damn dude can you at least pretend to be good at something?”

Thinking for a witty comeback a large smirk comes across my face but, before I can say it and completely fluster Dash we’re interrupted by our server. Distracted long enough after placing our order I completely forget the joke.

“Not good at a single thing unbelievable”

“Oh that’s right! I know something I’m good at!”

“Don’t say it”

“Say what?”

“You’re going to say something pervy I can feel it”

“You don’t know that”

“Actually I do. You got the same stupid look Pinkie always has before she says something gross!”

“Fine I won’t say it”

“Good”

“Anyways what’s wrong with pulling a ponies tail?” I ask all too innocently.

Sure I can probably guess what’s wrong with it but, to miss out on the opportunity of watching Dash explain it? Boy I’d be losing my touch if I did.

Sure enough she’s left flabbergasted checking around to see if anypony heard. “Joey! You… you can’t talk about that out loud”

“How’s it different then pulling someone’s ponytail… let me rephrase, their hair”

“First off that’s not okay either. Secondly, cause it has all sorts of um… meaning”

“Meaning?”

“Y-yeah, it’s kinda like a thing ponies courting do uh… when they’re… doing”

“Fucking?” I whisper. With a red faced gulp she gives a nod. “Geez Dash for somepony so bold I’m surprised how easy you are to rile”

“It’s… I… fuck off…”

“Hey hehe, I’m kidding, I’m kidding”

Still clearly pissed off I can tell I’ve gone a little too far, “Yeah sure”

“Dash…”

“It’s fine, I don’t really care”

“Dash if I went too far-“

“Can we not talk about it? Geez, like you always have to bring that stuff up! We get it Joey, the amazing Rainbow Dash is a virgin and can’t talk to stallions. Congrats… ugh I’m pathetic”

“You’re not pathetic Dash”

“Uh kinda am dude. Most mares my age have at least hooked up with one stallion by now” with a frown she sinks deeper into the booth. “Maybe I need to act more like a mare…”

“What makes you think that?”

“Cause I don’t exactly see stallions lining up to court the amazing tough Rainbow Dash but, cute soft Fluttershy used to get asked out all the time back in school. They always said I was more like a stallion anyway”

“I think you’re fine the way you are Dash”

“Yeah but you’re weird”

“Thanks that’s reassuring”

“I didn’t mean it like that! You just… you think differently then stallions here. You say weird stuff all the time that I’ve never heard before and you don’t act like a normal stallion either”

“Dash I’m sure there’s a stallion that thinks you’re cute” as the words leave my mouth I swear her frown grows just a little larger but she quickly recovers.

“Yeah right…”

“You probably need to find somepony that you think would like you, like somepony opposite of you. See how super energy extrovert Pinkie and I get along? Pretty peachy if you ask me. You’re all tomboyish so maybe you need to find a stallion who’s a little less um.. tough”

Blushing at the idea she slams the table drawing a few looks, “What! Absolutely not, I ain’t gonna court some weak softie that can’t hold his own!”

“You can’t be that picky without trying it out first! You don’t even know what kinda stallion you like I bet”

“Course I do. He’s gotta be a pegasus and he’s gotta be cool, maybe even cooler then me. Then he’s gotta be into Daring Do and like be cool wi-“

“Dash you’re being ridiculous. There’s no way you find the perfect stallion like that. Do this for me. Go out with some of the girls one night okay and try and talk to a few stallions and get to meet them BUT, do not try to be cool like you always do”

“What are you talking about I’m always cool! How am I supposed to be not cool?”

“By being open. Be truthful and maybe even talk about stuff you might think is nerdy or some shit like reading Daring Do books. Have you ever talked to a stallion like that?”

“Well uh… I do with you” What a facepalm moment.

“Ugh, do you want me to be you’re wingman?”

“My what?”

“Wingmare? I don’t know the term here! You want me to set you up with stallions one night?”

“Huh? Ah dude that’s… that’s like… I can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“Cause I..” she looks around before lowering her voice, “I get nervous”

“That’s perfectly normal”

“No I mean like I can’t talk”

“Surely it’s not that bad”

“Then my wings get stiff…”

“A-a natural response”

“Theeeen I usually start boasting until they can’t take it anymore and leave”

“Wut?”

“I can’t help it! It’s easy to boast and brag about stuff compared to friken… small talk about my favorite fruit or some stupid shit”

“Hm, maybe you need practice”

“And how the buck we do that?”

“What if we pretend we’re on a date right now?”

“R-right n-now?!”

“Yeah”

“I… we can’t do that? What if somepony we know sees us acting that way?”

“We can clear it up later with them, come on. It’ll be fun”

Stressed with the decision her hooves rub circles into her temple until she stops with an exhale. “Fine but, you can’t do that tease crap you always do!”

“Deal. Now from now til we leave, it’s a date so be on your a game and I’ll tell you how you did after”

“O-okay”

“…”

Aaand things are awkward, should’ve seen this coming

When our food arrives I decide to get things rolling, “So what do you like to do in your free time?”

Almost surprised she jolts a little, “Er… flying. I mean uh… stunts, I like practicing my stunts. I um.. I want to be a wonderbolt”

Why is she blushing so hard? She tells this to literally everyone we meet!

“Really? I heard they’re like the best flyers in Equestria right? I’m not exactly from here but, I’ve only heard amazing things. You must be pretty good at flying then huh?”

This lights her eyes right up, “Pretty good? Pfft, I…” but as she starts to ramp up she suddenly pauses. “I practice a lot. I’d like to think I’m good”

Thats not how she normally acts… but at least she isn’t boasting

“Maybe you can show me sometime? Maybe next date?”

“S-sure, I’d like that” she tails of at the end, fiddling with her mane.

“…”

“Okay Dash we gotta pause”

“That was terrible wasn’t it? Ugh, I don’t know how to act, I’ve never been on a date before! I don’t even really talk to stallions”

“Calm down we will figure this out. First off though what was with the shy act? That’s not how you act around me and the girls”

“Yeah but… stallions don’t like how I act”

“There’s definitely dudes out there that would find the way you act attractive Dash, don’t be ridiculous”

She hangs her head clearly downtrodden, “Then it would be nice if one said so”

“*sigh*… I think… you’re attractive” with a slow head raise her face fills with so much color it’s amazing she doesn’t feint. “I’m not saying I have a crush on you… just that… you are… pretty attractive”

“That’s not funny”

“Dash don’t make me say it again”

Still not fully believing me, it’s not until she looks back over to see me clearly embarrassed that it hits her. I wasn’t lying and with this new knowledge it was tough not for Dash’s wings to immediately betray her, springing up with a floof.

“Uh… I don’t… um… thanks”

“Yeah… no problem”. Clearing my throat I try to bring us back, “As I was saying earlier, I think you should act how you would with us. You wouldn’t be happy if you pretended you were somepony else to make things work. Don’t fake it, be yourself” she nods along allowing me to continue. “Next, we gotta avoid the awkward silences”

“I don’t know what to say, everything I think of just sounds stupid in my head!”

“It’s okay to say stupid stuff sometimes. It might even help bring the conversation along or make a laugh out of it. I’ll still give you a good example though of what you could talk about like how I asked about what you like to do. Don’t be afraid to repeat a question back at the other pony if you can’t think of anything”

“I know how to talk to ponies Joey, what about stallions? What do they like to talk about?”

“Same shit you like to talk about. Course there will be some exceptions but, generally it’ll be whatever sounds interesting or fun to talk about. It’s important to be interested in what they say as well. Ponies like a good listener. Ask questions to prove your paying attention and actually try to learn about what they say even if you don’t care”

“That sounds boring”

“Yeah but you know about all the girls and what they like don’t ya? How come that’s not boring?”

“That’s different”

“How though?”

“Cause I’m not trying to court my friends”

“What do you think all couples are? Not friends?”

“Okay maybe when I think about it you might be right but why should I have to force myself to listen if I don’t like what they like? Doesn’t that mean it’s not going to work out anyways?”

“You don’t have to like the same things, you only have to like the pers- pony. Who they are, how they act. That’s really all that matters. Again it’s like having a friend… that you occasionally get a little touchy with”

“A coltfriend can’t be anything like a regular friend! You don’t go and.. friken smooch all the girls cause they’re your friend like you do Pinkie do you? It ain’t the same”

“That’s probably where your biggest problem is then. You don’t understand what it means to be in a relationship”

“Of course I do, I’m not a filly! Just cause I’ve never been in relationship doesn’t mean I don’t know what it takes”

“Then at least trust me and what I tell you. Find a stallion you can be friends with, then think about taking it another step. It’s a waste of time to date a pony over something like looks or coolness”

“Still I don’t know how to talk to stallions. Where’s the part where you tell me how to do that?”

“You’re already doing it right now”

“Tsck, that’s not the same, I already told you that”

“Dash we weren’t friends before and if you’re honestly going to tell me it’s easier to talk to an alien then a stallion then we might have no hope for you”

“That’s! Grrrr, this was a stupid! I can’t believe I asked for your help with this. I even said all that embarrassing stuff to you and all you give me is to be myself. I have been and it’s not working! Ugh… I should ask Rarity or somepony else”

“What the fuck am I? Chopped liver?! That was me spilling my fucking heart out to help you! I didn’t even joke around”

“Yeah well now I feel more hopeless then before! Thanks a lot!”

Leaving the booth she stomps off leaving me shocked with the bill and a few glares from around. The absolute nerve she had to treat me like that! I’ll never give her advice again!

Leaving a few bits with a gracious tip (a tremendous meal I might add), I keep my head low and try my best to ignore the stares I’d been getting after Dash’s rude departure. My mood now sour I try my best to blow off the steam burning away inside me on my way to the last of the girls. Sweet Apple Acres would prove to be a good walk from that restaurant thankfully, allowing the breeze to literally cool me down.

By the time I cross past the front sign and make my way through the orchard, the sun seems to make its way slowly back down from its heaven above. The day was fading but, I still had time to help AJ before I was needed back anywhere else.

Taking the two steps up onto the porch it’s creaks almost hide Aj’s voice coming from outside. With peek around the corner of the house I happen to catch a glimpse of her heading into a barn.

“Aj!” I shout jogging over. “Aj you in here?”

“Jchoey?” A full sounds voice echos from within. “*spit* that you?”

When I reach the inside of the barn I do in fact find the cowpony, her fur matted from a sweaty days work. She leaves the hay stack she’s been carrying and walks my way.

“Watcha doin round here? Lookin for somepony?”

“Actually yeah and I just found her. I was wondering if there was anything I could help you with today? I know it’s kinda late now but, I’d be willing to help with whatever!”

“Well I do like the spirit yer bringing but I ain’t got much left. Just finished off the last of my chores and there really hasn’t been anything needin fixin. Maybe just giving me a nice chat while I wash up and head back? Sorry…”

“No.. that’s fine. I was going to be here earlier but I kinda got held up”

“Yeah? How bout you tell me bout your day? Beats me tellin you about stackin hay and fixin Apple Blooms clubhouse”

“What was wrong with it?”

Taking our conversation on the move we head back around to the backside of their house.

“Heh, another cutie mark crusade. Thought they could get cutie marks in carpentry. Took me hours to pull out all the boards they stuck”

“That sounds sucky”

“Trust me, it was. How was your day though? Do anything crazy?” She asked sarcastically. She knew I was the last one to look for trouble.

“No but, to tell you the truth I think something weird is going on. I can’t exactly talk about it yet til I know more but, everything today almost seems to revolve around it. Except my trip to Twilights”

“Then walk me through your day. How’d it start?”

“So I went to Fluttershys first. She was acting weird and there was definitely somepony else there but, she wouldn’t admit it. Pretty much shooed me out her house so I went to Rarity’s next. She meanwhile put me on some ridiculous mission that I’m not even sure I’m going to follow through then I went to Twilights and we talked about… stuff. Then she kicked me out and I ran into Dash. We went out to eat and I pissed her off somehow. Still don’t understand what happened there. Anyways, that’s how I got here”

Turning on a nearby valve Apple Jack lightly hosed herself off right in front me. It still felt the same as someone bathing even if she was wasn’t truly naked so I spun around embarrassed.

Isn’t this kinda weird?

“Sounds like you got more secrets then anypony sugar. Ya barely told me anything”

“Y-yeah.. that’s fair”

“… so ya gunna tell me?”

“Uh..”

“I don’t mean to twist your leg, ya don’t actually have to tell me”

“Mmm yeah but when I think about it I did get here super late” I take a second still avoiding the washing Apple Jack to think of what to say. “Dash got super pissed at me and I don’t know why but maybe you do”

Behind me I hear the valve squeak again, the drips of an emptying hose. “I might know but, I ain’t no mind reader”

“It’s okay if you can’t help me. So we were talking and she told me something kind of personal. I took it really seriously and I really tried to help her but, she got all mad at me and stomped off. Said my advice sucked”

“Did it?”

“Apple Jack!”

“What? Ain’t helpin nopony if ya can’t tell the difference ‘tween a horse and a hay barrel”

“That’s not even a real saying”

“What I’m saying is, ya feel like you helped her?”

“… no”

“Then why make a big deal of it? Dash always gets mad but, if you were tellin the truth when ya said you really tried, she’s sure to forget about it soon enough”

“I don’t know, she really and I mean really spilled her guts to me”

“Hm. Did ya say sorry?”

“Say sorry? She asked for my advice and got pissed when she didn’t like it! Why would I say sorry?”

“Cause ya couldn’t help her. Course there’s nothin ya did wrong but doesn’t hurt to say it. Shows ya feel bad about not being able to help”

“Yeah well maybe I would’ve said that if she wasn’t such an ass about it”

“That just means she was embarrassed. Ya oughta go find her an make things right before tomorrow”

“She should be the one apologizing!”

“Now now, no point crying over who’s fault it was, don’t ya want your friend to be happy?”

“Y-yeah but-“

“Then go find her!”

“I don’t know where to look!”

“Then ya better start lookin now! Days windin down”

“Fuck. Thanks Apple Jack… I guess. Um, tell me next time you need some help okay? We don’t hang out much and I’d like to get to know all you girls a little better”

“Sure thing sugar. I’ll have Bloom come get ya some mornin to help out round the farm but, ya better be ready. We Apples are early risers”

“That’s disgusting. See ya Aj!” I run off leaving her confused.

“Disgustin?” She questions scratching just under her stetson. “How’s that disgustin?”

Whatever free time I had before was fleeting rapidly. The sun had set and the sky darkened, Dash was nowhere to be seen. Looking like a lunatic I ran through the mostly empty town at this point, searching the clouds for any Rainbow tint. There wasn’t many left and time had all but ran out before I found myself back at Fluttershys. Desperate I ran up to her door knocking, hoping she’d have some sort of lead of where she might go.

Why the fuck am I even doing this? She was the stupid one who got all angry! I was just trying to help!

No answer. I knocked again, checking through the window to see if anypony is home. Empty, not a single candle lit.

“Where the fuck is she?” Then it clicked that she might have turned it in for the night, sick of waiting.

Feeling slightly disappointed in myself I shook it off and made my way back to Rarity’s. If I was too late for Fluttershys I could still at least give Rarity the word I fucked up. This I should be fine on time, she said she’d be up late. Plus what if she had some unexpected lead on where Dash might be? It was better then nothing and so I headed back her way, the sun now completely gone and the night upon us.

Shit I hope I’m not late for Twilights

Little did I know something unexpected would happen at Rarity’s only not the kind I hoped. With the Carousel in sight my heart dropped in realization. Her home had gone dark as well. Still I was tempted to knock, maybe see if she was still awake but the polite pussy side of myself was fast to takeover, choosing to take the L on this one as well. Two blunders in a row yet, the day was still metaphorically young compared to the time I figured I had left. There should be enough time to find Dash. I mean Ponyville really isn’t that big a town.

Let’s fast forward an hour to check on myself. Surely I’d found Dash by then right?

“Mister I’m telling ya if I saw Rainbow Dash I would’ve know it was her. She’s the only dang pony in this with rainbow hair! Now leave me alone and let me close shop”

Stepping away from the now pissed off stallion I head back into the street now completely defeated. My time was up and if I had any hope of finishing this day productively I needed to head over to Twilights now. Besides, Dash was a complete ass to me, she should have to wait to get an apology for me, if I’ll ever give one.

Streets empty, the only real sound aside the occasional crunch of gravel beneath my feet would be the chittering of bugs all around me. At least in a positive note, the night was still pleasantly warm from todays heat radiating from the Earth. Enjoying the peace, my mind wandered off to a place of isolation. I was in my own world completely devoid of thought all the way up to the point I reached Twilights door. Standing still I hadn’t know how long I’d been there before I came back.

Giving a few head shakes to wake myself, I give a few knocks to the door as well. A pony, mare in shape made her way past behind me, in her own rush with a story I’d never know. It’s easy to forget we’re all living our own journeys, the only author capable of telling the story ourself. Distracted for a moment I realize Twilight never answered so I knock again. No answer. Then I weigh wether it would be appropriate or not to just walk in? Sure it was that kind of a relationship and she was expecting me but, it was kinda late, I didn’t want to spook her. Sighing to myself I decide to just be a man and walk right in so I grab the door knob with a twist and I find myself face first in its frame.

Her door was locked.

Was I too late?! I couldn’t be! Sure I didn’t have a watch to tell the time but, I was sure it couldn’t have been nearly long enough for Twilight to have stopped waiting for me. Besides, she even seemed a little flirtatious when I left, I was really looking forward to see how things went!

“Fuck!”

“Language!” A voice shouted from a window nearby.

“Sorry!… fuck”

What if there was another way in?

Walking around the side of her home I remember the balcony she has to her bedroom. Sticking straight out from the side of the tree it protruded just enough to where I felt I could make it with enough climbing.

Checking around to make sure nopony was watching, I started to make my way up some of the low branches near the back of the tree. Getting my feet up first I manage to climb up a good distance, a solid eight to ten feet, almost close enough to grab the ledge without jumping.

I gotta get a little higher

Fast did I learn how poor a climber I was as with almost every foot placement I make, a minute or so goes by before I lower my leg once more unsure of the next step. I was dangerously high and also head level with her balcony but, the angle prevented any sight of inside. I would need to reach out and lift myself over the balcony ledge if I was going to make it.

“Oh please god don’t let me fall”

Hands sweaty, I anticipated how I would move. First I’d slowly lean over, grabbing with one hand on the ledge then place a foot along the side as well, making a steady place for me to grab with another hand, climbing over with ease. It was a cakewalk… so why was I so nervous? Sure it’s a pretty far drop but-

“Holy shit that’s really far” I pin myself back against the base of the tree now frozen in fear. “Why did I look? Why did I look!?”

I was too far now to go back and honestly too scared to climb back down. There was no choice but to go for it so without hesitating I made a leap from the tree to her balcony. In my rush however, I hadn’t pushed off cleanly and with a desperate scrape I almost lose my grip plummeting to the ground below.

“Oooohhhh my god, oh my god”

High pitched in my whispered scream I still managed to climb my way on to her balcony, laying on my back for a moment to catch my breath.

“That had to be the most impressive thing I’ve done since I’ve gotten here”

Remember we escaped getting kidnapped doofus?

“Second most”

After taking my well deserved rest I slowly open the glass door to Twilights room, half expecting her to be sleeping in bed, only to be surprised to see she wasn’t there at all. In fact, there wasn’t a sign of her being home in some time. The candles in her room weren’t even warm anymore and house was slightly chilled. Not an object stirred.

“Where did everypony go? I nearly died to get in here!”

Glancing through the many scribbles and notes piled on her desk it was easy to tell she didn’t find a solution to my problem but, that didn’t answer why she wasn’t home. Left with truly no choice now I made my way through her home, back out the front door and started making my way back home.

Maybe its a surprise party? Why else would nopony be home and Pinkie not come look for me during the day? Also, why would I get put on this wild goose chase unless they wanted me gone long enough for the party to get set up? Then again it’s kinda late for a party

I ponder most the trip, trying to make any sense of todays events only there doesn’t seem to really be any. Perhaps today was all a dream? No, that would be absurd and how could that be possible given the run in with Sweetie Bee. There’s no way my brain would’ve remembered her name, it’s terrible with names! The only reasonable explanation at this point would be that I don’t care anymore and I’ll worry about it tomorrow and so I planned to do just that, opening the door to my house with a sigh.

“Pinkie, I’m home!”

Greeted by a not so Pinkie sounding voice, I almost stumble taking off my shoes. In fact it was so raspy it could only have been-

“Joey where the hay have you been all night!?”

“Why are you yelling at me like you didn’t storm off earlier today leaving me with the bill!? What was that all about and why are you in my house?!”

“I let her in!” Pinkie happily pounced beside her. “Dashie said she was lookin for you so I told her just to wait here until you came back home”

“And you sure took your time didn’t you?” Dash sassed.

“Oh fuck off with that” I walk right past her almost tripping over another pony walking backwards from the hall.

“Oof, oh sorry I- Joey? Oh I um, I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you at my house. You see I might got a teeny bit distracted with my squirrel friends and I forgot you were coming back so I thought I would come see you at your place.. if that’s okay with you?”

“I asked Fluttershy to stay and wait too! Thought we could have fun playing cards while we waited!”

“My bad for being late as well Shy. I kinda got tripped up. When I headed over you were already gone so I figured you went to bed earlier or something”

“No, I just got caught up is all. To be honest, it’s okay if you don’t help me with anything Joey, it’s not like I would ever hold it against you or anything”

“But I owe you. You gotta let me help you with something”

“Hello?! What about me here? Weren’t we just having a conversation?”

“No Dash, we weren’t. You were yelling at me and I decided I didn’t care”

“Um maybe you two could… lower your… voices?”

“So now you don’t care at all about what I think? You know, you’re really showing your true colors today!”

“What the fuck does- Dash I tried to help you and you didn’t like my advice. I don’t understand why you’re so mad with me”

“Well maybe if you listened earlier you’d know!”

“Um… could… you two…”

“I did listen and you didn’t explain yourself like at. fucking. all. Dashie!”

Closing the gap between us we’re nearly face to face when a voice shouts from the side scaring us both.

“Both of you, enough!” Rarity’s shouting voice was something I’d never experienced before and given the others reactions as well it’s probably not common they hear it. “I’ve absolutely had it with listening to you two bicker!”

“Rarity why are you here too?”

Jumping in front Pinkie happily chirps, “Oh I said she could-“

“I was told that a certain stallion would make his way back to report his findings before it was late! Although, after enough waiting, even a mare as patient as myself felt riled enough to take matters into her own hands and find you. Only when I did search did Pinkie here suggested I stay and wait for your return, WHICH I have done ever so graciously!”

“Jeez I’m sorry, I didn’t know I mean you didn’t have to stay up. I could’ve just told you in the morning”

“Well I did try to sleep but I couldn’t stop thinking about what you might have to say and so I toiled and toiled until I couldn’t take it anymore and came here myself”

It didn’t feel like my fault but seeing Rarity so upset I was willing to compromise.

“I really am sorry Rarity and I’m sorry to you too Shy. I’ll have to make it up to the both of you”

“You mean the three of us right cause you still haven’t apologized for.. well I don’t have to say it out loud!”

Stepping between us Rarity tilted her head in interest, “What is it that did happen to cause such an argument?”

“Yeah” said Spike now standing beside me enjoying my last bag of kettle chips. “What *crunch* happened?”

“Let Dash tell you cause I have no idea”

Now furious her tail waved behind her like fire, her body ready to pounce and fight. In preparation I started to make my way backward.

“Ooo ooo ooo, are you two going to wrestle?! Can I watch, can I watch!?”

*SLAM*

From the direction of my bedroom a door violently snapped open drawing the attention of everypony inside. With a tinge of fear in the air I wondered what other pony could possibly be in my house at this point.

Who else did I wrong now?! Twilight? That shopkeeper I kept bugging? Please don’t tell me it’s the mare from Canterlot

A purple leg extended from the darkness of my room and with it the angriest Twilight I’d ever seen. If looks could kill my living room would’ve become a case of serial murder in an instant.

“Why… is… everypony… YELLING!?!” Taking a few ragged breaths her eyes scan the room until they reach me, dousing the flames within them.

“Uhhh Twi? Are you okay?”

“*ahem* excuse me for… well that. I was taking a nap in the other room and I uhh… sorry”

“No it’s.. it’s okay I didn’t know you were here… any of you… until now”

“Joey” Twi spoke to me again. I could tell she was conflicted. “I didn’t… I-“

Ruffling her mane I lower myself to face her, “It’s okay”

“Once I started working on a theory I had, I realized pretty quickly that it wasn’t going to work but, I already promised you I’d figure it out so I thought maybe I could find you before then and tell you so things wouldn’t be so… disappointing”

“It’s fine, really Twilight”

“What was she trying to figure out for you?” Asked Spike.

Even Dash had calmed down and was curious, “Yeah, Twilights making it seem like it was a big deal”

Lets not think about it

“I-its nothing. Not a big deal”

“Then tell us”

Ever heard of no?

“Nah, it r-really doesn’t matter”

“Surely its not that big of a deal dearie, we’re all curious”

Really don’t want to think about it!

“Yeah but I don’t want to thi- talk about it”

Twilight was quick to notice my discomfort, “Girls maybe we should-“

“I told you that stuff about me earlier today and I didn’t want to talk about that!”

“Yeah but I didn’t force you to talk about it!”

“Nopony is forcing you do do anything dude, you’re just being a big-“

“OKAY, OUT! EVERYONE OUT RIGHT NOW!”

“Hey don’t-“

“I made it clear I didn’t want to talk about it! I’ve already had a shit day a-and I’m really… I really need some peace”

“Why is it such a big deal? Just-“

Through gritted teeth I make it very clear how serious I am, “Dash don’t… don’t do this”

Taken aback she doesn’t argue, leaving with a slower scurry then the rest of the girls. “Ugh, fine”

Appalled by my behavior Rarity raises her snout and refuses to look my way as she heads out. Followed after, Shy and Spike leave awfully spooked from the whole outburst, checking back one last time before heading out.

Lastly as Twilight reaches the door I stop her, “Twi you can stay” and she obliges walking back inside toward the couch while avoiding looking my way.

I have to also grab Pinkie before she leaves as well, clearly forgetting she lives here. “Pinkie where are you going?”

“But you said-“

“I wouldn’t ask you to leave like that Pinkie. Definitely wouldn’t yell at you like that”

“Okay… sorry”

“You didn’t…” I catch myself as she walks over to Twilight joining her on the couch, the atmosphere now terribly somber.

Taking a seat at the end of the very same couch I go to put my head in my hands only to notice they’re shaking. Embarrassed at the sight I try and brush it aside squeezing my hands together. “I’m really sorry for yelling. I shouldn’t have done that… I’m really sorry”

I hadn’t know what else to say. Sure I was overwhelmed from everything but to absolutely blow a gasket and shout like that was completely unacceptable. Especially to ponies I call my friends. It begs the question whether I deserve to even call them that at this point.

“I didn’t mean to make you all stressed like that Joey. I didn’t know everypony was so upset today! I just thought maybe you’d be happy to see everypony when you got home…”

“Maybe my illness is a sign I don’t belong”

Offended at the suggestion Twilight hopped off the couch over to my side, placing a hoof on my hand. “Don’t be ridiculous”

“I don’t Twi, it seems like I can’t even keep myself from treating my own friends like crap. Hell the more I live here the more I realize I don’t fit in. You, Pinkie, all the girls, you’re all much better ponies than I am… much better people. Shit, even Dash was probably right to be so pissed at me, I’m sure I said something stupid to deserve it”

“No they were wrong in what they did. Clearly you were trying to help out everypony today and you got a little caught up. I know the girls will see that once they sleep on it, I just know it”

Nodding while hugging close to me Pinkie joins in as well, “Yeah and I was wrong for inviting everypony without asking you first!”

“We’re not prefect either Joey so don’t always blame yourself. I was in the wrong too yelling like that earlier, I let my headache get the best of me”

“You feel okay now?”

“Yeah I feel a little better after that nap. I was just so upset my theory didn’t pan out. I really wanted this for you” she’s almost on the verge of tears when I look her way.

“It’ll be fine Twi, please don’t worry about it. There’s no need for a rush”

“I shouldn’t be making promises I can’t keep. If there’s a lesson I’ve learned today it’s that”

“If there’s a lesson I’ve learned today it’s to stop being such an ass”

“You’re not a donkey silly, you’re just to worried about helping others!”

“Pinkies right. You really should pace yourself. Why did you even try to help everypony all in one day?”

“Cause I… I don’t know. I thought it would be better if I kept my mind busy instead of worrying all day”

“But you ended up making everypony mad instead and worrying about them huh?”

“I mean I wouldn’t call what Flutters seemed like mad”

“And where was AJ? Did ya go see her too?”

“I did. Honestly it was the only pony I seemed to not fuck anything up with”

“You didn’t.. screw anything up with me though. That’s another positive”

“Yup and I’m not mad either!”

“Pinkie I didn’t see you today”

“Which is ever more impressive that I’m not mad!” Hugging tightly she gets her fair share of human arm to squeeze.

“See? Today wasn’t all that bad. Besides, it was a good learning experience. You can even make a entry in the friendship journal!” Sharing a glance Pinkie and I both jokingly gag. “Okay it’s not that bad!”

Laughing it off I finally feel a little of todays stress start to seep away, coaxed off and replaced with the warm embrace of two lovely mares. With a peck to my cheek I’m caught off guard making Pinkie laugh even harder.

“Heheheh *snort* this was fun!”

“Maybe for you. I don’t plan to make a habit of doing this again, that’s for sure”

“If you want, I can help make a calendar for which days one of the girls could use your help? That way you don’t have to run around worrying and we don’t have to get all upset because there isn’t six of you”

“Actually, yeah could we do that? That sounds like a great idea”

“Sure, how about we start making it right now?”

“Y-yeah! Why not? Here I’ll go get everypony some drinks, stay here”

“Just wine for me please”

“And you can surprise me Joey!” And just as I get out of earshot Pinkie takes the opportunity to lean over, whispering in Twilights ear. “We should help relieve some of his stress and I think I know a pretty good way”

Flustered as Pinkie began to go over her pervy plan in Twilights ear, she squirmed in embarrassment just thinking of every well described detail.

“Y-y-you r-really think we s-should?”

And with a slow nod Pinkie turned her head back to me, licking her lips in anticipation.

“It’s the… only way”

“I don’t know, when I’m really stressed a nice herbal tea-“

“Shhh shhh shh Twilight. We can do this”

“We can? I can?!” With the nervous feeling growing in her gut it began to feel like an impossibility.

“Just follow my lead”

BONUS: Pink Lavender (CLOP)

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Grabbing a few glasses for both the lovely mares in my living room, I make sure to pour myself an extra large glass after swigging my first. I needed to wind down and this felt like the best way. Oh how I missed ending a long work day with a couple of drinks, playing video games with the boys. Fuck how I miss those times.

Shaking my head to free any depressing emotions beginning to bleed through, I make sure to pour a drink for Pinkie and Twilight and make my way back over to the living room, taking theirs first before returning to grab mine. Jokingly playing butler, I handed both the girls their drinks with my best high class accent.

“One rum and soda for the party pony and one of our finest wines, jacor alay fronc 1872 for our prestige mare”

Giggling Twi gave a sip before rebutting in her own best noble voice, “Could I perhaps try any of your cuvées?”

“I really hope you just made up a name like I did cause that sounded kinda real”

With a light poof I landed between the girls sprawling out the leg stand on my recliner, making sure to settle in and take on my best sloth impression.

Taking a impression of her own Pinkie made sure to leach onto me enjoying her drink all the while. Almost in an instant she’d already slammed it.

“That hit the spot! I’m going to go get some more!”

Leaving the two of us for a moment Twilight inched her way closer, flustered for a reason I had yet to become aware of.

“A-about earlier…”

“Twi I’m going to be honest. I really don’t want to think about today or really anything other then enjoying this drink, you, and Pinkie”

“Actually what I meant by earlier was um… our promise to meet up later tonight”

Smiling I tap the spot right next to me only to pull Twilight into a one armed hug once she got close. “Seems like we kept it didn’t we?”

Nodding nervously, she almost seemed to be a little overwhelmed from everything. Enough so that I thought about removing the arm around her back in case I was coming on too strong.

“You okay?” I asked taking another swig from my glass. “This isn’t too much is it?”

“T-too much? Heheh… w-we’ve kissed before, why would this be too much?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know, you just seemed a little nervous”

“Nervous? Nooo… no…. I’m fine! Really. Maybe it uh only seems that way because I’m tired? Yep, pretty tired”

“Hm, you did just wake up from a nap. Oh I almost forgot even why you were doing that!” Placing a fist to my head I cross my eyes, “Duh! Sorry for picking on ya Twi”

“It’s fine trust me it’s fine. I mean it’s not like me and Pinkie secretly planned something awfully audacious behind your back and it’s making my insides melt”

“Wow that was… oddly specific”

“It sure was Joey!” Pinkie shouted, jumping on my lap with force. “Why don’t we do something fun to lighten up the mood?”

Pained by her landing I try to brush it off, “Oof.. my friken… like what?”

With a kiss to my cheek she leaps off rushing over to the closet, “Like a board game!”

Twilights eyes light up immediately at the idea, “That sounds fun, like a game of chess?”

I boop her nose both sitting and calming her back down, “How about something we can all play at the same time”

Throwing multiple board games and card sets aside making a huge mess about the living room she finally settles on a large colorful box. “We can play ponopoly!”

“Pinkie it’s kinda late for ponopoly, what about another one?”

“Uhhh… we can play clue!”

Taking another large drink and emptying my glass I walk over and start to help clean the room back to its previous condition. “How about truth or dare?”

“That game isn’t fair! What if you ask me a question I can’t answer cause of a pinkie promise?”

“I guess that’s fair”

“So clue it is!”

“That’s also long though”

Chipping up from the couch Twi shouted over, “What about uno?”

“I like uno”

“But I played uno three weeks ago!”

“Pinkie how is that even a valid excuse?”

“Because… we’re going to play Pictionary!” Shouting in excitement she rushed over to the table setting it up in a hurry as if I might try to stop her.

Sharing a quick glare with Twilight, she shrugs leaving me with no choice. “Okay, Pictionary it is but, I’m not playing all time drawer”

After a few more glasses and about an hour of shouting absurdities, I finally started to get a little tiny bit tipsy.

“That’s not a whale! A fuckin whale has like a hole and shit on its head! And what even is that? A toothbrush?”

“They gots the brush teeths don’t they? Don’t they Twilly? Twi knows, trust me she knows”

“Just cause she’s really smart doesn’t mean she knows everything doofus”

“Actually *hic* Pinkies right”

“Sees?! I tells ya, it was a good drawing!”

“This is rigged, you’ve been drawin in her favor alllll night! Why don’t you two just kiss already and get it over with”

“Twilight! You wanna to kiss me?!”

“What?! *hic* No! I never said that”

“You think Joey would lie like that? Right in front of my face?”

Laughing I give Pinkie rather deep kiss, “I would never Pinkie”

“W-wha.. he.. no he can’t do that! That’s bribery!”

“As the drawer and judge of this game I decide that my drawing was indeed poopy. Joey gets to roll”

Taking the die away from me, engulfed in her magic Twilight quickly puts on her biggest pouty face. “That was cheating, he can’t roll aft- *hic* after that!”

“Sure I can”

“Not without the d-“ cutting Twi off, I pull her into a deep kiss of her own, passionately wrapping my arms around her body until the experience breeds too much. Distracted she drops the dice allowing me to grab them just before pulling away.

“See?” I wave them back to her flustered face, a dark purple enveloping her muzzle.

Heavily blushed herself Pinkie couldn’t hold back laughter, having to hold her own stomach from the strain. “Hehehe, Twi-lights blush-ing!”

“I would be too, that was a damn good kiss was it not?” I chuckled. She can only nod still much too embarrassed to speak.

“Okay okay, my turn!”

Taking her hooves and wrapping them around my neck, Pinkie head butts me trying to come in for another kiss leaving us both separating in pain and the dice on the table.

“Ah! Pinkster…”

“Owie!”

Giggling to herself Twilight took the dice back. “There, no more cheating *hic* and you two got your punishment, draw a card Pinkie!”

“Yes ma’am!”

“Now hold on now, what about my turn?”

“You had your turn and you couldn’t guess it!”

“Cause Pinkies drawing sucked!”

“It did not!” She protested. “You just don’t know a good whale drawing when you see one”

Looking back to the paper the crudest image of a childlike drawing was scribbled about. In light blue near the middle of the page, a oval like shape with a large smile lay drawn in colored pencil. Beside it a large toothbrush with an arrow pointing back to the oval and another smile between the two.

“No this is completely unfair”

Pinkie jumped past me holding the paper much too close to my face. Pointing out each part as she yelled my face only got more rigid. “What?! Look, that’s the whale and that’s a toothbrush to show the teeths!!”

Choosing to ignore her silliness I hold out my hand to Twilight, “Please, be a good sport and give me the dice”

“No!”

“Don’t make me take them from you again”

Sheepishly smiling she runs away over to the couch, hiding them behind her back protected by her body. With a flushed smirk she holds her ground, “Try me”

Climbing over her I press both hooves over her head, leaning dangerously close to her face. “Hand em over purple, you don’t want this”

Little did I know as I lay over Twilight, Pinkie begun to sneak behind me, tickling with a surprise attack. Desperate I let go trying to stop her wiggly hooves but she latches on under my shirt dragging me back down to the couch. Now free Twilight joined as well laughing as the two of them had their way.

“Please! Hehehe, please no more! Mercy! Safe word!”

Finally feeling satisfied enough Pinkie held them both back, now sitting atop me with a large grin. “How about we play a new game?”

“Y-yeah..?” Nodding she switches places with Twilight between my legs, beginning to pull away at my shorts. “P-pinkie, h-hey whoa!”

But when I go to stop her I’m held down from a hoof by the new mare in control. I can feel the heat rush to my face once I feel bare below yet I can’t pull my eyes away from Twilight as she closes the distance between our lips.

Lost exploring the inside of her mouth I don’t even notice the wet stickiness rubbing along my bare stomach until my lower half is met with a poke from Pinkies nose. Trying to peek between Twilights legs, her sticky mare hood lay flat against me wetting the base of my stomach. Her little mounds soft an eager like a pair of welcoming pillows ready to rut. I started to harden in anticipation, my body expecting more.

When I looked back up, the mare before me had completely lost her composure, hiding her face and mare hood quickly with her hooves. “D-don’t look!”

Giggling in her own world behind Twilight, Pinkie had fun batting and playing around with my member lightly. The sound of her voice only seemed to make Twilight even more shy. It’s then that the situation dawns on me. That my hands were placed firmly around Twilights waist. That we’d been drinking and probably not at our best decision making capabilities. That my dear friend and lover was mere inches from a place we could not return from.

“Twilight… I think we went a little too far”

Avoiding eye contact she stays silent but doesn’t make a move to get off me. Taking notice of the silence Pinkie suddenly spoke up, “We want to help you relax, right Twi?” Giving the slightest nod she remains still as stone.

“We’ve been drinking and I don’t think-“

“We agreed to do this earlier silly. I wouldn’t let my good friend Twilight do something like this all tipsy on a whim. Right Twi? We agreed before” once again nodding it still feels a little conflicting.

Holding her hoof in my hand her attention is drawn back long enough to ask, “Are you sure?”

“Y-y-yeah…” stuttering she can barely finish her word.

Still irked about us both being intoxicated, I can’t bring myself to start so I rest my hand back to her waist relaxing against the couch, “Then you make the first move”

Flashing a few looks to me and to the side Twilight eventually builds up the courage to began our oral assault once more. In a fervent battle between tongues Twilight was first to press forward exploring the inner parts of my mouth with curiosity. As if it were another one of her science projects she studied over my fangs with excitement. We tussled like this for what felt like minutes until a sudden wet pressure lay against my shaft, pressing it between myself and its unseen attacker. I gasped at the touch.

Surprised from my jolt Twi took a moment to study over me looking for the cause but stopped in realization. There was another pony here as well.

“My turn” And with her wish she followed suit or I can only assume as the cold air on my wet shaft was quickly replaced with an overwhelming warm grip nearly causing me to pass out from the feeling.

Concerned having never seen me act this way Twilight still remained close checking over my every expression, “J-Joey? Are you okay?”

I could only nod back as the slow methodic pump going on behind her caused me to strain in ecstasy. Slightly curious she took a look back herself, entirely unprepared for the sight before her. In a flash she was back facing me, a hoof to her chest and eventually her mouth. She had never been so flustered in her life.

“P-p-pinkie… maybe… m-maybe we could have waited a little more until I was ready?”

“Oh! My bad! Do you mean we should take this to the bedroom cause that’s a pretty good idea. We can do way more things in there than we can do on the couch!”

“That’s not.. exactly what I meant”

“Twi is this your first time?”

“Would be” she bashfully admitted.

“It is?! Twilight oh I didn’t know! I wouldn’t have asked you to do all this! I’m so so so sorry!”

“Well… it’s kinda too late now heh…”

“Not it’s not” I say starting to sit up. “We can-“

“No it’s fine! I… I said I’d try and… honestly this seems like as good a time as any”

“Twilight your first time should be with someone you really think might be the one and I’m not saying I wouldn’t want to do this with you I’m… I just don’t want to take away something so important”

“Joey…” in a instant her worry seemed to melt away. Placing her hoof against my cheek she gave me a kiss. “I couldn’t think of a pony I’d rather do this with”

“But-“

“Shh. Pinkies right. We should take this to the bedroom. Besides, I kinda feel bad for what I’ve done to your couch”

When I take a look to see what she means, a small wet puddle lay beneath her staining the leather. “Oh… yeesh… that’s kinda gross heh”

Before I know it I’m laying in bed, the covers protecting my lower half from sight. To my left lay Pinkie, and my right Twilight both under the covers as well. Slowing tracing her hoof up and down my chest Pinkie peppered me with kisses.

“Is little Joey soft again?”

Twilight fails to suppress her giggle, “Little Joey?”

“It’s not a euphemism he’s just small relative to ‘big’ Joey!”

“Then could we see him?” The way it rolled off her tongue you can tell she was embarrassed. That and by the heavy blush that followed.

“First we gotta wake him up!” Rubbing gently Pinkie was soon to discover I was already hard yet the way I sat up with bunched covers simply hid the my stiff. “Hey he’s already awake~~”

Mischievously she watched my expression all the while continuing to rub my length. It was pleasant but I wasn’t one for handjobs or in this case hoofjob. I would need something more.

Curious Twilight began reaching around herself until eventually bumping into me. With cat like curiosity she traced with the end of her hoof along my base sending ticklish shivers.

“Ooo that tickles”

“It’s so… soft. To the touch I mean!” Then almost like a hand wrapped around me I could feel a strange grip beneath the covers. “And it’s so hard, what the hay!”

“This is beginning to sound more and more like a weird porno”

“Hey I’m just… figuring things out right now, let me study”

Staying silent both Pinkie and I let Twilight have her fun playing biology while the two of us began nuzzling into a slow make out session, slightly hindered by the position. Taking advantage of the distraction knowing I was too busy to tease, Twi took the moment to slide under the covers, lighting the dark underneath with her horn. As if it were a spire of gold she remained in awe at my strange looking appendage. Different yet oddly familiar in some aspects a human penis was somewhat fitting for the rest of my body. Naked and bare beside a few short hairs, it remained consistent with the rest of my hairless physique.

Getting close it twitched in anticipation. That with the steel like hardness it shared she couldn’t help but wonder if it hurt.

“Joey? Does it… hurt when it’s like this?”

Taking a second to breath I answer truthfully, “No.. but it can… feel uncomfortable”

“We should probably take care of that shouldn’t we? How about you lay back and relax and let me and Twilight take care of this for you”

“You can’t expect me not to help-“ with her hoof she stops me.

“Shh shh shh. Please. You deserve a reward for being such a good boy” with a seductive stare I relaxed under her hoof, letting her climb aboard.

I don’t know about the whole good boy thing I mean I’m not exactly a dog or-

Grinding against me again, the hot wet touch of her mare hood made it difficult not to just stick it in already. “Who’s a good boy?”

BARK! ME! BARK BARK!

Inexperienced and nervous Twilight found it difficult to decide on what to do next. Should she let Pinkie continue alone seeing how she was clearly experienced and knew what she was doing or should she find some way to participate? It was a tough question and she would hate to ruin the mood. Thankfully Pinkie wasn’t about to forget about her friend and new herd mate, quick to throw a suggestion.

“Joey loves kissing. You mind keeping his mouth busy while I take care of this? I promise to share if you want”

Heavily flustered and struggling to think she could only nod leaning over my chest and softly pressing her lips against mine. Again we started only it was difficult not to match my eagerness with Pinkies hips. It wasn’t until in one full swoop she took my entire length did I gasp separating from Twi. With a plop we became one, staying this for a brief moment. Then in another slow motion she lifted her rump, sliding me out to the tip, repeating the motion after another slow return back down. Effortless I glided in and out with her rose already so wet, her tight walls seemingly trying to hold me in with each raise of her ass. I was lost in a trance and felt the deepest urge to meet her halfway but, my brain couldn’t handle the extra task as Twilight was already back for more.

Letting out several squeaks and moans Pinkies legs shivered with pleasure, still pressed against my chest. She wouldn’t be able to keep this up long.

While both Pinkie and I were interlocked in a overwhelming whirlpool there was still one pony left out. Thinking of a way to pay Twi back I placed a hand flat against her stomach, gently pushing her to her back beside me. Confused at the gesture it wasn’t until I started sliding my hand slowly down did she realize my intentions. Meeting her gaze as if to ask permission she provided a nod waiting in anticipation for my first touch. Still with my right hand I brought my middle finger between her slit, dipping it in to test the waters. Soaked. In fact, if you were to blindfold me and erase my memories to this point I would more likely assume my finger was in someone’s mouth.

Through her body’s command Twilight found herself rubbing against me desiring more and so I rewarded her with such. Adding my ring finger I started acclimating my purple lover to a new sensation she’d never felt before. She hugged tight against my arm squirming for more.

The action overall had started to become too much, the sensations overbearing. Soon I could feel it, I wouldn’t be able to last. Not wanting Twilight to deal with Pinkie sloppy seconds, if she was to have her first time tonight it would need to be decided now. So taking my hand back I held her close against me whispering.

Giving a few flashes between her and the action I asked, “You wanna…?”

Racking her brain I could tell she wasn’t sure but, Pinkie wasn’t going to let anyones indecision keep her from having a good time. Now keeping a steady pace her legs finally gave out, falling flat against my chest. Sweaty and exhausted she was desperate for a finish. Getting up I flipped her over, pushing back inside as she lay belly down. Seeing how there was still ways to get Pinkie off without getting myself off, I stuck to deeper strokes burying my cock into her with an array of loud plops. With a loud squeaking cry she clamped around my length, riding the orgasm out until she lay limp on the bed. Falling back beside Twilight leaving Pinkie in her coma I took a much needed breather.

“I… I’d like to wait”

When I rest my head to the side to look her way she’s already turned around, her ears flat against the top of her head. Reaching out I try my best to coax them back to their former glory, scratching delicately and slow. With a minute or two passing, the pause begun to tire me.

“That’s fine. Besides I think we might have been rushing things today. Pinkie didn’t peer pressure you did she?”

“No…I…we” yet when she spins around seeing me so bare still she’s lost her train of thought. “M-m-m-maybe we should p-put out the l-lights and call it a n-night”

“Yeah, I'm pretty beat anyway. You mind using your magic?” With a swoosh we’re left in the dark, Twilight released from her flustered prison.

Sure I was left out to dry not getting my finish but, it felt like Twilight made the right call. I was happy with the way things went.

Cascaded in darkness I could still hear Twilight directly at my side, “This was.. insightful. I feel like I really leaned a lot tonight. A lot I can’t really write about to Celestia”

“Heh, probably best she doesn’t know”

“No, I would say definitely”

Like a dying fish Pinkie whispers out from the other side of the bed, “Agree…”

With a chuckle at her expense the smile stuck to my face feels permanent, like I couldn’t lose it even if the god above tried so himself. I was in bliss and it couldn’t be taken away. Faintly, ever so I whispered to myself letting the night bask me in its cooling comfort. Whether it was to a god above or the girls laying close, it didn’t matter.

”thank you”

30 Family Bonding?

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Life can change at any moment. Sometimes drastic, sometimes slowly. Sometimes so slow you can see the change right before your very eyes however, if we were to be honest it’s often times within a moment. Yet against the odds I found myself noticing the change day by day, a separate path deviating from the life I once headed towards. I wasn’t the same person who arrived over a year ago and didn’t have the same thoughts or opinions that I now do. I was growing and it felt like in a positive way.

Whether it was the change of scenery, my experiences both good and bad, the new individuals I met, or some concoction mix of the three it didn’t matter anymore. I was happy. Sure with my own problems, some serious some minor, there still wasn’t any remaining doubt of my new life. Doubt that this life couldn’t ever be as wonderful as one back on Earth. I even hesitate to refer it as home.

After a whole year I truly had felt some peace.

“Joseph could thou treat his queen a moment with the small appendages?”

Staring down at the moon princess laying her head down upon my lap, she displays her best sad puppy eyes once learned from Pinkie. I could physically feel my resolve crumble leaving me to the conclusion, these ponies have made me go soft.

“There called fingers by the way and you’re not a queen”

Fluttering her eyes she gives her best regal appearance, “Does thou have any doubts now?”

“No” I say flatly, still giving in to her head scratch demands.

“Meh, it does not matter. So long as you are my own, there is little need for other pleasantries”

“Your own huh?”

“Our little moon slave, willing to follow every command. Loyal to a fault”

“Maybe if you weren’t so adorable it would be easy to say no”

“Again with the word adorable, do you wish to degrade us?”

“I thought you only cared about owning me? Why care about your image?”

Frowning in defeat she smacks her lips, “You have won this time however, I shall not go as lightly the next”

I only nod resting deeper into the couch, “Uh huh, sure”

I should probably mention Luna’s returned. That and about a whole month passed from my last journal entry, life not feeling interesting enough to jot down any experiences. I never was one to be very excited about journal writing and besides, it’s main purpose was more therapeutic which could only hint toward how things were going. Occasionally I would still write it in anyways, maybe trying to remember a funny moment or an important day. When I think about it, it was no better then a diary… yuck. I really had gone soft.

“You ponies are too innocent, it’s tainting me”

“If you are curious of your flavor changing, we would be more than willing to give a taste” seductively she stared my way but, I knew it was a front.

Completely brushing it aside I give a small kiss igniting a fiery blush across her muzzle. “What I meant was that I’m not the same guy who first arrived here. I’m all.. emotional and stuff. It’s gross”

“It is not gross! Perhaps you are becoming more trustworthy of those around you, a sign of better friendship”

“Where’d ya hear that from?”

“A certain purple source”

“A certain purple source thinks she’s the master of friendship now doesn’t she?”

“Tis her life work is it not?”

“It er.. okay so she knows a little bit about friendship I’ll give her that but the real question is why she even told you something like that”

“We uh.. were curious! Yes, I remember now. Simply curious of the wonders of friendship. You see I was never one to have many friends as a young mare-“

“You two were talking about me behind my back weren’t you?”

“Wha- w-why we would never”

“There’s nothing wrong if you two were though”

“Of course… of course. You are our coltfriend are you not? What possibly could be wrong with asking a few questions to a fellow herd mate?”

“Can’t imagine much”

“Specially questions on whether or not our stallion in question still seems to suffer from unnecessary paranoia or other symptoms similar to that of anxiety”

“Yes, ye- wait what? You’re worry if I’m dealing with anxiety?”

“Us? No.. no, never. Weren’t you listening to anything we said?”

*SLAM*

The door swung open with a fierce speed, damaging the wall beside it. From it a pink blur dashed over to the two of us recoiling in surprise.

“JOEY! LUNA! Guess what I found out, guess what I found out!”

Clutching my chest to see if my heart was still there I settle back down into the couch all uncomfortable, my original position lost but not forgotten.

“Pinkie as much as I’d love to hear what you found out can we please make a rule to never break the front door again? They’re not exactly cheap”

Taking a second to admire her work she giggles shutting the door slowly, “Oops! Anyways, I was at Twilights right, and I was helping her organize stuff about jeans but I didn’t know why she cared about jeans seeing how she’s a pony and I’m a pony and most ponies don’t wear jeans BUT, when I found this-“

With a swift move she pulled from behind a large paper, aged yet still whole. Tossing to me I scanned over the words upon it as she continued.

“-and on it it says my name with the Apple family ancestry! I’m an Apple!”

Near the bottom I can sorta see what she’s talking about. Smudged, a few squiggly lines seemed to match the same pattern of Pinkie’s own name or at least what I thought was her name. It’s kinda difficult to remember any word or name if you can’t read the language. Either way, the same pattern in Pinkies squiggly name matched most of the squiggles on the very last entry however, it wouldn’t really make sense given the last few squiggles. With all similar squiggled last names I just don’t see a way it could suddenly be a pie but, when I look over at Pinkies excited face I can’t bring myself to tell her.

“Maybe but it’s pretty hard to read”

“Joey why are you even trying to read this? You do not even know old Poneish!”

“What do you think Luna? It’s my name isn’t it? I just know it is!”

Flipping upside down in her magic she reads it still laying on my lap. “Hmm, we are unsure exactly what it states however…”

“Yessssss?”

“These last few names are missing any sort of-“ *pinch*
“-I m-mean it is a mystery! It very well could be thou family name”

“Isn’t that crazy!?! I have to go tell Applejack right away! AAAH! Think about all the family get togethers I’ve missed! Oh no! Or all the family pictures! I should bring my camera just in case”

Frantically she bolted around the house tossing several items into her saddlebag.

“Pinkie maybe you should-“

“I don’t have any time to talk! I gotta go meet my new family! See ya!” With another slam she left us both and brought down a nearby potted plant as well.

“Shit”

“Now why did you have us lie to her like that? Thou has caused more trouble then you hoped to avoid. You must fix this before she causes anymore trouble”

“I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Do we need to remind you the report we received of an army of pink ponies terrorizing the town of Ponyville not even a full year ago?”

“That… was a fluke”

Sitting up she gives me a serious look, “Joey”

“Okay okay, I’ll go stop her, sheesh. No need for the scary eyes” slowly I started to get up only infuriating her more.

“Joey!”

“I’m sorry! I’m going!”

And so begins another quest only todays a self inflicted one. With haste I made my way across the town heading over to Sweet Apple Acres only by the time I get there she’s already got the entire family outside listening to her squawk.

“Can you believe it Applejack? We’re cousins!”

Clearly hesitant to agree AJ forced a smile, “Well I’m not all sure bout being cousins an all that just yet”

“Can’t you see?! The last name Pie is clearly written right there!!”

“Errr.. I don’t know. It’s kinda hard to see”

Interrupting the two the oldest member of Apples stepped forward while I made my way to Big Mac, Applejacks older brother in case I never introduced him. He was a burly fellow and awfully red. The only part that seemed to stick out was his small patch of brown mane, placed atop his head as if he had rolled around in hay. Most noticeably, he was a pony of few words.

“Now hold… jus hold on now. We ain’t sure for shingle until we check the ole family records and I know jus that apple for the job!” The old mare was definitely hard of hearing, her voice a constant yell but with my first experience with her going so poorly I was the last person willing to tell her.

“Granny, ya can’t possibly think-“

“Nuh uh uh! No buts from you til we least check with yer old auntie Goldie Delicious!”

I whisper over to Mac, “You don’t honestly believe this is true right?”

“Nope”

“Figured as much”

Focusing back to the others it’s clear I missed something as Pinkie, Granny, and Applebloom all held each other in a group hug smiling brightly to Apple Jack as if to convince her of their friendship.

“Hm… I guess we haven’t had a family road-trip in a while and Goldie’s house really ain’t that far away. Plus we could probably use this as a opportunity for you to get to know the family better case you are right. Shoot, why the hay not, let’s do it!”

“YAYYYY!” Cheering gleefully they hop in a little circle hooting and hollering.

Distracted I don’t even notice AJ making her way over to me with a lowered tone. “Joey you don’t mind coming along too do ya?”

“Actually I was kinda hoping to stop all this before things got out of ha- hoof”

“Really? Oh thank Celestia”

“Huh? I thought you’d disagree”

“Don’t get me wrong sugar, I’d love to have Pinkie as part the family but, I just know in my gut she ain’t gonna like the news we get at Goldie’s. That’s why I was kinda hoping you’d come along and help cheer her up case things went south but, seems like my worries were for nothing”

Awkward in my stance, I wasn’t sure how to explain the next part, “Um AJ I uh… after seeing them so happy, Pinkie so happy, I… I kinda want to see this through”

“What in tarna- you just said you came here to stop her! Don’t tell me you’re believing this thing too”

“It’s not that I’m believing it I just don’t want to be the party pooper for once. I’m always ruining the excitement for Pinkie so maybe… maybe I join her this time. I mean if it turns out she’s not related we still have a fun time right?”

Reluctant to agree AJ has to settle with a face hoof and a sigh. She was outnumbered this time and didn’t have much a choice. “Fine. Go tell Pinkie you’re coming with and we’ll start getting ready soon”

“Thanks AJ”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah”

Settled into the wagon right beside Pinkie, Big Mac strapped himself to the front ready to tug the whole group together.

“Alright everypony, hop on in and make sure you didn’t forget nothing”

Pecking me on the cheek Pinkie couldn’t keep in her excitement, “Eeeeee! This is going to be so much fun! I’ve never been on a family road trip before! Aren’t you excited?”

Taking a peek back at the excessive luggage behind us, the rickety uneven wagon wheels, and the single pony pulling us it’s tough to say excited is the right word.

“Uh… intrigued, that’s for sure”

Finally strapping on his harness we were off while the rest of the group found their places around the carts interior. It was pretty spacious and would’ve been even better if not for the stupidly large pile of luggage behind us. Confused I gave a tap to AJ’s shoulder.

“You sure this trip is a short one? What’s with all the stuff?”

“Oh uh.. well honestly I didn’t think we needed this much but, when Granny Smith gets her mind set on somethin, it ain’t budging. Most this crud we probably don’t even need but, I ain’t about to argue with her if all we gotta do is carry it along”

Sifting through the pile, AJ tossed several objects from pillows to old trophies behind her leaving a even bigger mess.

“Granny what even is half this stuff? You know Big Mac has to lug this all as well”

“He’s strong enough to carry it all aren’t ya Mac?”

“Eyup”

I could tell by the stain in his voice it was too much.

“Granny we both know this is way too much weight and Mac ain’t bout to say otherwise. He’d never admit that!”

“I haven’t seen Goldie in ages and we gots tons of catching up to do! If you know anything bout your auntie you’d know she appreciate us bringing all this”

Already bored with her hooves hanging off the side Applebloom scuffed to herself, “Here we go, already yellin”

Taking it all in with wide eyes Pinkies head moved from pony to pony like a tennis match, completely absorbed by it all. Then in a sudden instant she pulled a camera from her bag snapping a photo of Granny and Apple Jack.

“First family fight! This is going great!”

Spinning her head to Pinkie in confusion I could tell she already forgot she was there, “Fight? No, no, no. We ain’t fightin. Us Apples never get in fights. Heck we get along good as a bushel and a peck!”

“What’s a peck?”

“Pinkie she means they go well together”

“Ooooo. Course they do! They’re family! We’re family!” Leaping between them in a group hug she makes sure to get a good nuzzle in on both.

“Heh heh, yeah…”

Still clearly upset Granny held her tongue and made her way over to the luggage pile, cleaning up most the stuff AJ moved.

“Hey Applebloom, how bout you teach Pinkie how to play that eye spy game we always play on family trips”

“Game? I wanna play a game!”

“Huh? Alright” a little confused the two of them got lost in their own conversation while AJ scooted over to me.

“Joey I need your help”

“With?”

“You see, us Apples… we don’t… we don’t always get along. Hay, we usually don’t get along but, I don’t need Pinkie knowing that. You mind helping me make the rest of this trip go smoothly at least til we get to Goldie’s?”

“AJ, no family is perfect and honestly I don’t think Pinkie will care if you guys don’t get along all the time. Besides, Pinkies actual family doesn’t get along anyways. I’m sure she’ll understand”

“They don’t? Oh shoot…”

“What?”

“What if she was hoping our family might be different? That we’d get along better then her own?”

“Okay now you’re starting to read into things too much”

“I just wanna make Pinkie feel comfortable if we really are family. Last thing a pony needs is to have no family to go back too!”

“I get that but she has a family already AJ”

“Ya just said they don’t get along. Do they or do they not?”

“Hey, yeesh, go easy on me. I’m just trying to help”

Letting out a sigh she trots over to the side of the cart, admiring the countryside passing by. “Sorry. This whole trip is gettin to me. I kinda wish we never agreed to go”

Taking a seat beside her I look off in the same direction admiring the view. With orchard now completely out of sight the surroundings had been replaced with multiple rows of tall trees spanning out across a sea of flat land. There really wasn’t much to look but, that kinda was par with Ponyville and it’s area. It’s farm land.

“It’s gotta be tough trying to run the farm by yourself isn’t it?”

“Tough?” She huffs, “Tough don’t even began to describe it” staying silent for a bit she waits til most the sounds around us become loud enough to drown her voice. Loud enough so only the two of us could hear. “But I ain’t alone” and with a spin I can the pride in her eyes, “I still got my family”

A little unsure how to respond it washes over me to stay quiet. Sometimes the best response is to say nothing at all so after hearing her out I leave with an honest smile. Apple Jacks sure to figure things out, hell or high water.

“I oughta go bail out AppleBloom now. There’s only so much Pinkie a pony can take” she tips her stetson as I take my wobbly leave against the carts motion.

With a flop I sit behind Pinkie listening in to their game.

“Is it…. a tree!”

“Heheh, no silly. You already guessed that like ten times!”

“Cause it probably is a tree, I just didn’t guess the right one!”

Giggling Bloom has to hold her hat to keep it from falling, “That ain’t how the game works. It can’t be a word you already guessed”

“Hmpf, this is hard!” When she goes to lean back she falls into me with surprise. “Oh, hey! You wanna play eye spy with Bloom and I?”

“Sure. What’s the hint?”

“You already know how to play?”

“Yeah I used to play this as a kid during car rides”, the two looks I get back are funny enough to laugh. “It doesn’t matter, I know how to play”

“Okay, I spy with my eye somethin green”

Leaning into my ear Pinkie whispers, “I think it’s a tree”

Taking a look around there isn’t much it could be. There’s grass, some moss… trees. “Is it grass?”

“Yep! You got it first guess!”

“Aw what? I was sure I knew it”

“Pinkie you wanted to guess tree again”

“Okay I wanna spy now! I spy with my pink eye… something green!”

Sharing a look both Bloom and I answer at the same time, “A tree”

Lost in my own world staring up at the sky, the few clouds scattered around float way high above, seemingly unreachable. Even at such a far distance I could tell the difference between each one, some thinner and light, others tall and condensed. It drew the question, if I could find a way to any of those clouds, could I even feel them or would they seemingly disappear once I got close enough, their visage only visible from afar.

Once again a pair of arguing voices blended my thoughts. The third argument already.

“We wouldn’t have had this issue if y’all hadn’t wrestled me for the map!”

“It’s fine, I’ve been on this road plenty a times before. We wanna keep going til we hit a split and take the path to our left. I guarantee”

“Guarantee? That’s supposed to mean more then the map?!”

“How bout you start trusting your elders more young mare!”

And once again like the other two fights, once AJ notices Pinkie staring wide eyed she tries her best to play it off. “Alright, your right. I should put some more faith in ya. I’m sorry”

“Darn tootin yer sorry now take that left when ya see it Mac”

“Okay” his deep voice rings from the front.

Then sure enough the path before us comes upon a split. A path to the right following along the river and a path to the left heading into a dark cave.

“Uh, Granny you sure it was left?”

“Are you still doubtin me?”

Getting ready for whatever lies within, Pinkie made sure to pull up her camera. “Look it how spooky it is! You think there’s bats in there?”

Getting real low on the cart I whisper back, “God I hope not”

Into the darkness of the cave we must’ve went forward for only a few feet before the light behind suddenly vanished leaving us blinded. Immediately Applebloom was first to shout.

“H-hey, w-who done t-turned off t-the light?”

“We’ll be fine Bloom. Here let me just light this lantern I brought and we’ll-“

Right as the light fills the cave around, hundreds of shiny eyes beam back toward us in the darkened corners and ceiling. Unsettled I try to ignore them.

“Eugh, yuck. Hopefully this won’t take much longer right Pinkie? Pinkie?”

“This would be an awesome picture!” Shouting much too loudly she jumped into the air flashing the group with her camera. In an instant all hell broke loose.

Fluttering, flapping sounds began filling the room and soon our headspace and become home to what felt like thousands of bats.

“Everypony get down! Mac, run for it!”

Off we went speeding deeper and deeper into the cave as the never ending line of bats flew above. Unable to really see what’s ahead mixed with the girls shouting, I’m at a loss for any ideas. Then as quickly as the panic began, a new problem joined in as well. We were falling.

“Nnnnnoooopeeeeee!”

Looking up to check on Mac, I slam back down into the carts floor, lifting my head to see him flying toward my direction. Hooves swinging wildly as he flew, I knew it was too late to move.

“Oooof! Holy shit Mac, your… fuckin heavy!”

“Sorry”

Getting off, the rest of the group started to get their bearings as well, taking in the new environment around us.

“Is that uh… a light?”

“Applejack please don’t tell me I died on your trip”

“We’re dead?! Wow. Who would’ve thought”

“Nopony is dead! Now Mac keep walkin toward that light”

“Uhhh”

“Mac what are you doing in the cart? Actually, more importantly who’s towin us?”

Giving a shrug back her question wouldn’t be answered until we finally reached the outside again. Assaulted by the light I almost find it more believable that I died then the sight before me. Floating in the very same cart, we were headed down river.

“How are we not sinking?”

“Cause wood floats silly!”

“Pinkie that’s not the problem here, this isn’t a boat!”

“It sure looks like one! I mean look, we’re floating down river!” Leaning over the side her eyes reflect against the waters shiny surface. “Look at all the fishies!”

Facepalming at her inability to focus I turn my attention over to the Apples to see how they’re doing.

“Uhhh big sis, is this safe?”

“Granny you told me that was the right way! We almost turned into mashed tatters fallin in that cave! Why am I supposed to trust what you have to say if you too stubborn to listen to what I think?”

“Cause your granny always right and besides, we’re still on the right track. Long as we follow the river we’ll be at Goldie’s in no time”

“The right track?! Granny we’re not following the river, we’re in it!”

Leaning back to Pinkie, I bump her to get her attention, “You worried about how everything’s been going?”

“Worried? What do you mean? This has been some of the most fun I’ve had in months!”

Patting her head with a smile I ruffle her messy mane, “You’re not one to panic at the right time are you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I can’t help but laugh at her lack of awareness, “I love you”

“I love you too but, what’s that got to do with me panicking?”

Giving her a little kiss I join her leaning over the side. “Look at that little swimmer. He’s so tiny”

“He is! Look how bright that one is!”

We spend a good while doing this passing the time, letting the river carry us along. Occasionally I check over my shoulder at the others hoping things have cooled off only every time I look things only seemed to be getting hotter. Eventually I’d have to chat with AJ, tell her to settle down but, only if I felt things were getting too far. Hopefully she could reel it in before Pinkie noticed.

Hiding in the shade of our makeshift pavilion, an assembly of umbrellas, it protected us from the scorching sun as we floated away in the cart. Although the air around was rather cool given the river, there really was no protection from the sun. Most the tree coverage was sparse and any hope of a drifting cloud was a fleeting dream as well.

I pulled at my shirt collar hoping for a whiff of cold breeze to cool my sticky skin. Annoyingly, every few times or so I would catch my hand against my magic collar, snagging my hand and releasing a small curse from under my breath.

“This stupid thing is so uncomfortable to wear when I sweat”

Frowning at my discomfort Pinkie was quick to reach into her saddlebag, “I have water if you want some”. Pulling out a canteen she holds it my way.

“Thanks” the first gulp feels heavenly, a cold relief. “I’m not exactly sure how you kept this stuff cold being in yo- AYE!”

Colder then the water, a freezing wet touch pressed on my neck. When I spun to look it was Pinkie once again, holding a towel she soaked from the river firm against me.

“Sorry! Forgot to tell you it’s cold” with the brightest smile my heart flutters at her beautiful face.

Blushing I took the towel in my own hands, “Thanks Pinkie”

“You’re welcome! I’m sorry I can’t do anything about your collar though. It’s really poopy you have to wear it”

Trotting over to us AJ gave us both a concerned look, “How y’all doing? I think we’re nearly there now… least that’s what Granny said”

“We’re doing great! This trips been super super fun so far and to think this could be a family tradition from now on. I wish this day would never end”

“How bout you Joey? You look a little… burnt”

“I’m not exactly friends with the sun”

“Heh I can see that. Already got yourself a farmers tan starting there. Soon you’ll be as close to an Apple as Pinkie right here” with her hoof she pulled her in for an aggressive hug.

“Oh that’s right! If me and Joey get married, we all can be family!” I nearly spit out my drink.

Marriage!?!

For a moment I’m a little caught off guard but, as the seconds pass and my mind ponders over the idea it’s not exactly something to be so worried about. Sure marriage is a big deal and maybe it’s different in Equestria but, would marrying Pinkie be anything to freak out about? She’s been my rock for a while now, a true shoulder to lean on. Dependable, funny, caring, don’t even get me started on cute. Maybe it wasn’t a bad idea… but I’d probably catch hell from the other two. I could already here Luna’s voice now.

THOU PROPOSED MARRIAGE TO ANOTHER?! BEFORE US?!?

A small chuckle slips out stopping the other two from their conversation and drawing Apple Jack to scowl.

“What’s so funny”

“Huh? Sorry I was thinking of something else, what were you two talking about?”

“Oh.. we were just discussing bout our families. I didn’t realize Pinkie had such a rough goodbye”

“It wasn’t goodbye. I still go back every year! It’s always so exciting so see everything that’s changed and this year I’ll get to bring Joey along with me, right? You’ll come with me right?”

“Course. I’d love to meet the parents that made such an amazing pony” slightly flustered Pinkie giggled.

“I wouldn’t say amazing…”

“Then maybe you’d believe it if it came from the element of honesty” AJ suggested with a smirk.

“Please, I’m really not that special”

“What do you mean sugar? What other pony is willing to throw a birthday party for all my family for free every year?”

“What pony is willing to make friends with everypony that lives in town?”

“Heheh it’s… it’s really not that much” Then suddenly Pinkies ears perked up. “Do you two hear that?”

“Come on, you can’t pretend to hear something to stop us both. Take a little pride-“

“Actually Joey… I hear something too”

“What? I don’t hear anything”

Is it because my shitty human hearing?

“That sorta sounds like…”

Standing up the girls shout in unison, right as I feast my eyes on the adventure awaiting ahead.

“A WATERFALL!”

Letting out a quick manly yell I’m fast to grab onto Pinkie while holding my other arm around the side of the cart. Normally one would just leap out into the river and swim to shore but the ends of each bank were much too far to swim in time, not before you’d be dragged over without a chance. I was left with no choice but to hold on.

“This is where I actually die, like really fucking die”

“Joey?” Fearful of our future she tugged close.

“Yeah?”

“You think you could hold me so I can get a good photo?”

“What?!”

Shocked I don’t even have time to realize the front half of the cart has already gone over, the weight shifting forward. As luggage rolls over and around me falling over the edge, I widen my eyes at the fall. Apple Jack took one look back at us, her family huddled together.

“Hold on tight!” And over we went.

Immediately I’m flung forward away from the cart, Pinkie still hanging on shouting as we descend. Perhaps blinded by the chaos I almost swear I saw a flash. Preparing for the inevitable landing I turn face to the water below, a near sixty foot drop. My lungs had hitched, my brain frozen. All I could do was wait.

*SPLOOSH*

Opening my eyes the water around me remained clear, a distance rumbling from behind becoming more evident the longer I float. Spinning I spot the cart as well, it’s bottom broken and destroyed, sinking slowly into the deep water. Yet as I scan around more there isn’t another pony in sight.

I breach the surface with a gasp looking over the wreckage. Boards and knickknacks float down stream, the water calming and quieting each passing second. Confused I shout out.

“Pinkie!? AJ?! Anypony?!”

A voice shouts from the bank, “Joey! Over here!” It’s AJ and the others huddled and slumped together.

“I’m… I’m coming” I wasn’t the best swimmer but I wouldn’t drown, soon enough joining the group.

With a few wet flops against the muddy bank, I flip over catching my breath.

“We made it! Can’t believe we made it!”

“Eyup”

“AppleBloom are you okay?”

“Course I’m fine! It’s not like a little fall like that coulda hurt me”

“Heh… little” that sure wasn’t little.

Vision filled pink, I was lifted up into the lap of a very wet and messy Pinkie, her bright blue eyes filled with relief.

“Are you okay?”

Chuckling from the absurdity of what just happened I close my eyes and relax, “Can’t get rid of me that easily”

“You two okay over there? I saw Joey go flying over the cart soon as we started falling”

“He’s okay, he’s a big tough guy” Scratching my head she lowered her voice to me whispering. “But I don’t know what I’d do without him”

“If you’re worried about saving me then maybe we could find me a pair of dry pants? At the very least some dry shoes?”

“Only if the water could do something about your dry sense of humor”

“Ouch, that was a tough one”

“Then maybe don’t scare me like that again”

We stay like this a little longer as the group collected themselves. Granny seemed like she needed the most time, her eyes stuck to the river watching her possessions float away.

“Hey Pinkie?”

“Hm?”

“Did you take a photo while we were falling”

She doesn’t answer and when I open my eyes to see her face, she’s fighting a smile. “Whaaaaat? That would’ve been crazy!”

“You took a photo didn’t you?”

“Hey cousin, you ready to keep going?”

“Huh? Yeah we’re all ready. Everyponys got what they need and we’re almost there anyways. Best we get there quick and stay the night”

“Guess we gotta get up sleepy”

“You sure I can’t just lay here? I don’t really feel like walking in wet shoes”

“Come on lazy bones! We gotta see my new auntie!”

Getting up I squeeze out most the water from my clothes, “Yeah yeah yeah… but what if she ain’t your auntie? What if this whole trip was for nothing?”

“It wouldn’t be for nothing, we got to spend the day with our friends! Isn’t that fun enough?”

“Hm… you’re too pure hearted. It’s almost frightening”

“Least I don’t have wet socks!”

With a frown I walk along, painfully squishing each step, miserable in my moist apparel, “It’s true… you don’t have wet socks. Only I do. Me. The wettest man alive”

Shouting from the front AJ doesn’t even bother to turn around, “Quit yer whining, everpony here is wet. Besides, we’re almost there now, even I remember where to go from this point on”

”Quit your whining… blah blah blah. Easy coming from the pony who’s literally naked!”

Sighing to herself she slowed down to join the two of us near the rear while Granny took over the lead at an agonizing pace.

“Pinkie I’m real sorry for all the trouble this trip has been. This ain’t how we normally are I swear, you’ve just caught us on a bad stretch”

“Are you kidding? This is the most fun I’ve had in weeks! Just look at all these memories we made together”

From her bag she pulls out an array of Polaroid photos, from the ones I can see it’s various moments from our trip. One in particular sticks out.

“Pinkie can I see that one?”

Taking it and placing a hand to shade it’s face from glare my heart warms at the sight. It was the two of us leaned over the boats side, our faces pressed with smiles bright. A brief memory shared and likely the only peaceful one of this whole trip. I make sure to hand it back carefully.

“Pinkie can we get that one framed when we get back? I like it. I like it a lot”

“What about this one?”

“Here let me- hell no! You can literally see me falling in the corner there! I thought I was going to die!”

“Pinkie can I have that one of us all before we left? It’s an awfully nice photo, probably the last family photo we’ve took since AppleBloom was born”

“Hm, how long ago was that?”

“Oh shoot… hmm, that was bout half a year after… bout thirteen maybe fourteen years ago”

“Jeez, why such a long gap?”

Staying silent for a bit it starts to feel like I’ve treaded on sensitive territory but, before I can backtrack she answers.

“Since my ma died.. hasn’t been really something we wanted to do. That was always her thing… taking photos and such. Feels kinda weird doing that stuff again”

“I’m um… I’m sorry bout your mom Apple Jack. I didn’t know”

“No it was a perfectly fine question. Don’t worry bout me. It was a long time ago anyway” with things feeling a little sour AJ is quick to hurry back to front. “Best we get going before we end up walking during the night”

Once out of range Pinkie was first to say something. “That’s the first time I’ve heard her talk about her mom. Poor AJ…”

“I didn’t know… how was I supposed to?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong silly. She probably felt like talking about it when she saw the photo I took earlier, I mean you heard what she said”

“Still feel bad… you know how upset I get when ponies bother me about my past”

“You weren’t being poky about it though. Most ponies can’t help but stick their nose were it doesn’t belong, myself included!”

“Oh stop, you’re pretty good at knowing what’s okay to say”

“I don’t knooooww… sometimes I say a little tooooo much”

Ruffling her mane I pick her up over my shoulders in a piggy back ride, “That’s enough bad mouthing my marefriend out of you”

“I love it when we do this! If I talk badly about myself more will you also buy me ice cream when we get back?”

“I’ll buy you ice cream if you act like a good little filly”

“YAAAYYYY! That’s easy!”

Laughing, I shift a little to get a better hold, “You say that now but, last time we made this bet you didn’t make it”

“Well this time is different! I’m an Apple now!”

“What’s your apple name?”

“Uhh… sour candy apple!”

“Are you sure there isn’t a sour candy apple already?”

“I’ll just ask Apple Jack, she’ll know!”

“Probably better to ask Granny Smith. She seems like she’d know more relatives”

“Hey Grandma Smith, do you know if-“

Right as the orange tinged sky begins to fade away over the horizon we come across a small cottage all alone amongst an opening in the woods. At our paths end it lays still, clearly well worn and darkened from age. The roof appeared ready to cave in yet kept firm while the windows were covered in dust, cobwebs common on each corner. If I didn’t know any better I’d assume the place was abandoned.

“This is it!” Taking a few wobbly steps forward, Granny held out her foreleg, using it as a microphone. “GOLDIE GET YER OLD FLANK OUT HERE AND GREET YER FAMILY!”

Giggling beside me Pinkie checked to see if I was laughing as well, “She said flank!”

Rolling my eyes I turn my attention back to the hut looking structure, it’s stillness held strong. Second after second went by until I felt the urge to do something only when I took my first step a loud clatter came from within followed by a low rumble. The Apples didn’t appear alarmed though, even after a shout came from inside. Again right when I feel the urge to say or do anything, the door swings wide open pouring out the homes innards as well a pony.

“Goldie Deeeelish, I told ya to start cleaning round inside there before ya get buried. Just look at all this junk!” Funny enough she says this standing atop a pile of her assorted goods.

“Granny I don’t think you can be one to judge”

“Well if it ain’t old Granny Smith and her wonderful grandchildren. Come give your aunt Goldie a hug” A little hesitant poor Applebloom is the first to get squeezed while the rest of us settle around the mess. “And who’s this tall fella? And the pink one?”

“This is my friend Pinkie-“

“Cousin!”

“… potential cousin Pinkie and her coltfriend Joey”

Much too sassy I cross my arms, “You know I’m more than just her coltfriend AJ, I’m your friend too”

“Potential cousin you say? What brings that weird title?”

“This document right here!” Before Goldie knows it, she’s already face to face with the paper.

Taking a read she maybe scans it over for a ten seconds before giving back, “Looks a little faded to be too sure bout anything. How about y’all help get this mess cleaned up and we can get look over the Apple family tree together. Besides, I don’t even know where I placed the darn book so hopefully we can find it cleanin”

“Ooo this is like that eye spy game! Cmon AppleBloom, let’s play it again while we clean!”

Soon enough I’m left alone with the others, a little out of the Joey comfort zone. Staring between AJ and the others I give an awkward shrug and start helping out. Best to keep busy rather then try my luck at small talk.

“So Apple Jack said your that little mares coltfriend? How’d that come to be, seeing how your both different species and all”

And we’re talking small.

“Surprised your first question isn’t, ‘what are you’. Most ponies usually go for that one”

“Ain’t no point dwelling over that if ya might be family”

“She’s my fillyfriend so not exactly family yet”

“Ha, I think I’ve lived long enough to tell when two ponies are in it for the long haul. If ya catch what I’m saying”

“Goldie would you leave that poor stallion alone? He’s been through enough today. Hay we’ve all been through enough today”

“All right all right, just was curious that’s all. Wasn’t sure they were dating cause of love or what he might be packing in those pants”

“GOLDIE!”

Please kill me now god

After a lifetime of teasing and a lawn full of sentimental value, we eventually round up most the mess, taking a break inside for a drink. Grouped tighter, we sat in a circle watching Goldie search through an old trunk for her precious book.

“Aha! Here it is, still kicking!”

With a loud poof and a cloud of smoke kicking up causing coughs throughout the room, she gives a flip deep into the archive searching for her treasure.

“I can’t believe how messy you’ve let this place get Goldie”

“Maybe if you saw the value in any of this stuff you’d be more appreciative of me savin it. Here it is, the Apple family tree, now let’s see”

Dragging her hoof down the page there’s a small feeling of excitement building, something I didn’t think I’d really care about until now. I didn’t truly believe there was a chance they were related but, now that we’re here I kinda want it to be true. This was Equestria after all, nothing was impossible. But then when she reached a certain point, she paused. A quick glance to Pinkie.

“What is your last name again dearie?”

“Pie! I’m sure it says it right there”

“Pie? Oh… I’m sorry dear. That smudge must’ve made the name look closer than it was. I’m sorry”

“What name does it say then?”

Before Apple Jack can make her way to Goldie, she’s stopped by a pink hoof. “Pie”

“Huh? But Goldie just said-“

“That some old dusty paper doesn’t have the name pie on it?”

“But Pinkie, we ain’t related then. Don’t you realize? I went and put this whole trip together, endangering both y’all’s life’s and it was all for nothin!”

“I don’t think it was. I thought it was nice field trip where I got to know you all better. My family”

“Pinkie..”

“Come on AJ, are you going to let some crusty old book tell you who you can and can’t call family cause I think I know family when I see it. This-“ taking her hoof she waves it across the room, covering everypony involved until stopping back on AJ. “This is my family”

A little shocked at how well Pinkie took the news, she stood frozen confused til a green hoof rested on her shoulder. “Yer right Pinkie, yer darn right! I’d be happy to call you my grandchild now come and give me a hug”

“G-granny…”

“Pinkies right big sis, I think we should decide who’s family or not and I think auntie Pinkie is definitely an Apple!” Joining the hug as well Bloom slammed into Pinkies side.

“How do you feel bout it Mac?”

“Apple family material” He joined as well leaving AJ, Goldie and me the only ones left outside the hug.

Not taking much time the cowpony was quick to step forward closing the gap, “Pinkie it would be a pleasure to not only call you friend… but to call you cousin as well. Welcome to the family”

“Isn’t this wonderful?” Startled by the shifty old mare beside me it helps shake off some of the awkwardness of being left out.

“Yeah… sure is a feel good moment. A little too sappy still”

“What would life be without the sap?”

The perfect answer comes to mind but, I keep it to myself. It wasn’t worth ruining the mood.

“Joey! What are you doin standin over there! Come over here and hug your new family”

“Me? AJ we’re not-“

“Don’t make me ask again”

“Coming… coming”

And with that moment I guess I found a new family in Equestria. I couldn’t be honest with them, tell them how I didn’t feel the same but, knowing most ponies their feelings in the matter were likely honest. They would be sure to hold up their word, as if I was a true Apple, born and raised. So I kept my mouth shut, they didn’t need to know. Know that I hadn’t been completely changed by my time here. That strangely enough, for some weird reason deep inside, it felt good knowing that.

After seeing the state of Goldie’s place we couldn’t possibly stay the night so the return trip was rather awful. Thankfully our little pit stop provided us with a little bit of camping gear and we called it for the night halfway back. A few campfire stories were told, a few Apple family ciders were shared, and overall I had a wonderful time. It was then, sitting beside the fire I realized something important. Pinkie was right. Sure the Apples weren’t related to me and sure maybe I didn’t see them the same way they saw me but, why should anypony let anything stop them from treating another like family.

Panning over to my right, to the most important mare in my life, my insides fluttered with eager desire. The urge to kiss from only a glance. With further inspection I quickly became lost in her features, awfully tired from the day. Her eyes glittered against the fire, the crackling sparks like stars shining in the night sky. Her adorable squeaky laugh bringing joy to my heart and wish to laugh along. Her loving presence enveloping me without saying or doing a thing. Even when she was right here, by my side the entire time I hadn’t noticed. She was my family. That the only person who could choose my family to me, is me.

Author's Notes:

Few things,

This chapter was a slug. Very difficult to write and you could likely tell as you read it so I do apologize.

I’ve had almost no free time to write and when I have I’ve been too exhausted to.

I think what I wanted from this story has already been achieved however, it’s not in the correct place yet to call it. So given this feeling and my desire to start new stories I’ve decided the likely ending point will be around 40 chapters with a final chapter hopefully around 20k+ words (wishful thinking)

I have a new story in mind, one with shorter chapters focused more around quality then quantity. Rereading some of my earlier chapters, although my work was filled with errors it was much more heartfelt in the writing and I feel I’m missing that now.

If you have any questions about either my planned future story or this story please leave a comment and I’ll reply as soon as I can :).

Have a wonderful day/night

31 Irreplaceable

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Over the hills and many flat plains, if one were to travel north and continue on even past the capital they would be blessed with a sight beyond comprehension. Majestically crafted the rainbow falls cascade over the skyline leaving one in awe of their constant flowing streams. Colorful and unique this strange phenomenon can only be found in this very part of Equestria and nowhere else making it the-

“-hottest destination for many ponies hoping to make good use of their summer”

Flipping over the pamphlet I continued.

“Of course this does not mean the rainbow falls are only a summer vacation as the winter months find many pegasus couples during our Hearts and Hooves day special where couples can have their dream-“

“Dude, can you please stop reading that?” Irritated Dash tapped her hoof in anger beside me.

“What? Don’t wanna hear about the special?”

“No actually I don’t. As a matter of fact it would be better if you didn’t say anything at all”

“Yeah okay” A little irritated as well I swallow my anger, tucking the paper aside in its holder.

We both fell silent and the subtle noises of the train filled the void. This was now a common occurrence between us. Ever since that day Dash asked for my help the two of us had never been the same. I never apologized and neither did she. Soon enough our usual get togethers and times spent shooting the shit were gone leaving behind nothing but sour memories of a time once had. Painfully I envied them, desired them to return yet my own stubbornness wouldn’t allow things to simply adjust back to normal. No we were at a stalemate and our friendship seemed to be at a breaking point.

The others took notice eventually and soon enough began worrying. At points we even avoided each other all together leading the girls to finally take action and place us together as we are now. I’d known something was up just by Pinkies odd behavior but, I brushed it aside given her normal antics. All the way up to the point where I reached my seat seeing Dash already awaiting the trip. Unfortunately for me when I went to trade tickets the girls who did come with us refused to budge and when Dash went to fly her way instead of ride Twilight was quick to limit her flight with a simple cast.

Stuck together I spent most the trip in silence, refusing to look her way and decided a nap would do me better.

“This is sooo boring…”

“Might as well take a nap then”

“Easy for you to say, I’m wide awake”

“Probably cause you spend more then half your day napping”

“Yeah cause unlike you I actually want to have a cool job like being a Wonderbolt and I’m tired from practicing”

“I do have a job and it’s called keeping the girls out of trouble. You’d be surprised how often one of them gets some crazy idea and nearly destroys half the town”

“Pfft, yeah right. You’re the one who always gets hurt and makes everything complicated”

“Yeah and you’re the one who always acts like a hero until she does something stupid and makes everything worse”

“Least I actually help my friends when they say they need help”

“I did try to help you and you fucking cussed me out and left. Least the other girls appreciate my help”

“Your help wasn’t very helpful at all. You made fun of the way I acted and tried to make it seem like I was an idiot! Why would I appreciate that?”

“I didn’t make fun of you and you’re the one who tried to make it seem that way. I was really trying to help but now… now I kinda wish I didn’t even bother”

“Me too” If I were a dragon, this would be the moment steam visibly left my nose.

Standing up I’d had enough already, “You’re a fucking ass”

I leave my bag behind and make my way down the cart. Traversing down several more carts I eventually end up at the end, leaning over the railing with a deep exhale.

The tracks beneath flash by with a speed that leaves them blurred. The sky a wonderful deep blue untainted by a single cloud. It was too nice a day for my current mood. How I wished it reflected otherwise instead of leaving me with feelings of misplacement. As if I didn’t belong in such a happy world. How pale a figure I was in such a vibrant place.

With a click I can hear the door behind me open and a pair of hooves make their way close. The stranger didn’t waste much time.

“H-hey… you um… feeling okay?”

“No”

Taking the spot beside me Twilight reveled herself but, did not join me in admiring the view. Instead her focus was directly towards me, unwavering.

“Do you want to talk about?”

“I want things to go back to normal”

“What do you mean by back to normal?”

“However things were before. It’s not like I’m stupid or anything… I know things would be better for all of us if Dash and I made up”

“Then you two should talk it out. Explain how you really feel and I’m sure Rainbow will understand. Sure she can be a little hardheaded but, it’s not like she actually hates you enough not to listen”

“Talking it out won’t work”

“Joey..”

“I know it’s easy to just think that forcing the two of us together for a train ride will eventually cause us to see eye to eye but, not everything works like a fairy tale. I’m pissed and she’s pissed and I don’t honestly think she wants to hear what I want to say… and the same goes for me”

“Joey you two were best friends when you first arrived here. You’d spend almost every day together. You really think one argument is going to ruin that friendship? Come on… I know you’re better then that”

“The problem is she’s not the same pony I knew when I first met her. She’s always going too far now like she wants to piss me off and every time I try to help her or be serious she just treats me like shit! I don’t want to be friends with that! I know you girls want us to make up but, I don’t know if that’s best for me”

“Do you want me to go talk to her for you?”

“So she can say she it’s my fault and that I was the one that changed? Ugh… I just don’t want to do this anymore. Can you girls please just let it go?”

Not replying we stay silent a little while longer until she motions toward the door, “And I thought Dash was hardheaded”

Left alone once more I’m left feeling sunken. I was hurting my friends but this felt like what was best for me, why couldn’t they see that? Is it selfish to expect my friends to respect me and not treat me like shit? Why was I the bad guy?

The door opened again yet I stayed firm faced away. “Twilight I don’t want to talk-“

“Shush!”

Normally her squeaky voice would bring me joy however oddly, in this moment in brought nothing but dread. I was in for a talk.

“Wow it’s pretty nice outside! Wait until we get to the falls. I bet they’re so pretty!” Taking a spot beside me I’m a little confused at the change of behavior.

“Pinkie what-“

“Shush!!!” I stop and settle back down, watching over the many tracks passing below. “I heard that the Wonderbolts are going to compete in the tryouts too! Talk about free front row seats!”

“Pinkie-“

“Joey shush!”

“No! What the heck are you doing? What is this?”

With a wry smile she sits back down off the railing, “You see how that felt? That’s no fun for anypony”

“Yeah it was annoying but I don’t understand why you were doing it?”

“Because you weren’t listening”

“Listening? Yeah I was-“

“Not to me silly, to Dashie”

“I did listen to her, she didn’t listen to me!”

“Neither of you two goobers listened and I know a goober when I see one!”

“Pinkie I listened to her and I tried to help. She didn’t like my advice so she blew up on me”

“Are you sure that’s why she got mad?”

“Yeah…”

“I think you weren’t listening”

“Did you ask Dash and she said something else?”

“I did buuuut she said the same thing you did. ‘Joey gave me a bunch of stupid tips and then got all upset cause I called them stupid!’”

“Then why do you think I wasn’t listening?”

“Because silly, noponies argue with each other if they both agree. That makes less sense then communism!”

“Communism? Why- It’s not like we were agreeing on what was right. We agree that Dash got pissed cause she didn’t like my advice”

“Aha! Got ya!”

Crossing my arms I frown, “How exactly did you get me?”

“Cause Dash said you were angry cause she called your advice poopy not because it was poopy. You didn’t even listen to me ya goober!”

“Okay now we’re splitting hairs. Who cares about what he said she said, the point is Dash is treating me like shit and I don’t appreciate it!”

“Does she know you feel that way? Did you tell her that?”

“N-no… but shes definitely being an ass on purpose”

“I think you two need to be more honest with each other”. Tugging on my shorts I lean down to listen, her mouth to my ear. In a whisper it’s the last thing she says before leaving me alone. “You need to listen”

Magnificent. A perfect word to describe the sight straight off the train. Stepping off into the colorful landscape, we were surrounded with large puffy clouds, their bottoms often poring a constant flow of rainbow colored liquid. Around those clouds even more rainbows pranced about cloud to cloud. Almost every inch of sky used in an elegant display of beauty.

“This has to be the gayest place in Equestria”

“Joey!! You can’t say that word out loud!”

“Huh? Gay?”

“Da- wha- you said it again!!!”

“Twilight who cares”

“Me!!”

Spilling out of the train our Ponyville group found our place among the training grounds awfully quick. Fairly small for a town it didn’t take long to notice how much smaller we were compared to the other nearby towns. Unlike most teams gathering in their large groups, roughly in the teens, we found unity in our five. Dash, Fluttershy, and some incredibly bulk stallion made up our relay team while two more normal sized and potentially forgettable faces made up our other squad, their event name completely escaping me. It didn’t matter though as I wouldn’t be worrying about them but, rather the hodgepodge group I watched in front of me.

Getting their stretches out it was clear if Ponyville had any hope of winning tryouts this year, they’d need a miracle. Flutters was hardly an athlete, barely able to keep flight for more then a few minutes while the living muscle of a pony beside her could hardly bend most his body at all. Some pony clearly hadn't heard of flexibility.

With a few flips and a split, Pinkie dressed in full cheerleader getup started her chant.

“LET’S GO PONYVILLE! YIPPEEEE!!” Yelling from a blow horn I had to close my ears to avoid hemorrhaging.

Rubbing her own ears Dash swooped over quickly taking the horn, “Pinkie could you maybe save the cheering for when the games start?”

“Okie dokie but I gotta practice otherwise I might not cheer good enough to help us win!”

“Okay but maybe do it somewhere else… somewhere farther away?”

“But I need somepony to cheer at! How am I supposed to cheer for nothing?”

Helping out I pick Pinkie up under my arm, “Let’s let them practice Pinkie, we can find something else to cheer until the race”

Unwilling to flash much appreciation Dash at least didn’t scowl at my presence, settling for a small mouthed ‘thanks’ instead.

Taking us elsewhere it took about a minute of struggling until Pinkie broke free trotting along side of me. Her front hooves still were covered in pompoms, dusty from the path she walked.

“Wanna scout the competition? See what we’re up against?”

“We could do that, I don’t see much else to do”

So with a walk around the training grounds Pinkie and I found ourselves watching over the many opposing teams workouts. There was a common theme throughout and honestly after the first few I already started to get a little bored. Team stretching, fundamentals, warm ups, it wasn’t exactly spectacular until we reached a certain squad, the Wonderbolts.

Combining speed with precision they cut through the air with elegance while somehow maintaining a level of aggression that could only be described as mastery. This was on par with Rainbow and there was three of them.

“Holy moly they’re really good aren’t they?”

“Yeah… Dash really has her work cut out for her”

“Yeah but she’s way better then any of these ponies. Ponyville’s still going to win if this is the best they got”

“Starting to sound like Dash”

“Confidence! It’s the name of the game!”

Then during the middle of their excellence a brief second of mistake leads to one of the members in their group falling from the sky. Hurling toward the ground with dangerous speed the pony managed to pull up still crash landing rather hard.

“Oooo damn!”

“That pony was lacking confidence”

“Heh, that’s pretty cold to joke on someponys injury like that. I must be rubbing off on you”

Sultry she rubs her face against me, “Yeah you do…”

“Oookay were in public”

Thankfully I’m saved by some commotion in the distance. A few of the teams started to gather around and referees sent from the capital began to find their places. The tryouts were beginning.

“We should get back Pinkster before they start otherwise they’re going to miss out on your cheers”

“You’re right! We gotta get back pronto! Hurry up two legs let’s go!” Kicking up a small dust cloud behind her, I tried my best to keep up all the way back to our station.

While I’m not in horrible shape, long distance running isn’t exactly easy for the average joe so after being late a minute or two I catch my breath next to Twilight.

“You missed the start of the first events”

“Yeah… just the start though” looking around the two strangers in our group were gone but, even stranger Dash’s group was there without her. “Where’s Dash? Doesn’t her group start soon?”

“No they’re the last event, the relay and Dash is… well maybe you should ask her yourself”

Checking the direction of her pointed hoof my eyes seem to deceive me. Practicing with that same Wonderbolts squad we quite literally just left was thee Rainbow Dash herself.

“What’s she doing? Doesn’t she need to practice with Flutters and… and that bulky ass guy over there?”

Seemingly uninterested Twilight flipped another page in her book, “Uh huh”

“Uh.. then why isn’t she?”

“Cause a member of the Wonderbolts squad got hurt and they need to run their reps with three so when they came up to Dash with an offer… you can connect the dots”

“I just watched that pony get hurt, there is no way they already asked her”

“You’d think she would’ve hesitated wouldn’t you?”

“So you saw this happen and didn’t say anything?”

Taking her reading glasses down her muzzle she stared from above her book, “What exactly would I say? She’s a grown mare she should know better then this”

“But Ponyvilles team is going to suffer, her friends are going to suffer. I mean look at Flutters right now and tell me she doesn’t need help”

In a pathetic display of athleticism Fluttershy managed to fall on her face before her own hoof… from three feet above ground.

“See?!”

“Okay okay, you’re right. I’ll go talk to her but, it’s still her decision to make in the end so don’t say I didn’t try”

“Thank you, you’re a life saver”

She doesn’t bother to turn around heading in Dash’s direction, “You owe me for this”

“I’ll pay you back I swear!” Unconvinced Pinkie rolls her eyes with a grin, “I’ll pay her back don’t be like that”

“Where’s Twilight going?” Behind us Fluttershy snuck up and asked innocently.

“Uh she uh…”

I can’t tell them about Dash ditching, that’s too far

“She said she’s gotta pee!”

Blushing from Pinkies blatant lack of self awareness Shy was quick to start heading back to the rest of her team, “Oh! I uhh okay! I should p-probably get back to p-practicing”

“Yep! I’ll be rooting for ya so give it your all!” She waits long enough for her to be out of earshot before turning over to me practically beaming. “That was pretty good wasn’t it?”

“P-pretty good?!” I sputter into a fit of laughter, “Why do we always end up telling embarrassing lies to Fluttershy?”

“Huh? I’ve never done that before!”

“I did in the past heheh. Yeah… I don’t even know if we cleared it up”

“What was it what was it!!”

“Me and Dash had a joke going that we were messing around upstairs in her house one day. It was a misunderstanding that she walked into and we thought it would be funny to just roll with it” unable to hold back, my laugh grows loud enough to grab a couple stares from passing ponies. “You should’ve SEEN the look on her face like oh my god” but then it hits me and my laughter fades. “Me and Dash used to joke like that all the time…”

“Hey!” I snapped from my thoughts, brought back from a pink hoof, “Don’t be looking all sad like that! It’s not like you two can’t joke like that again!”

“Tell her that”

“You can’t be all closed off like you’re being. You two need a heart to heart!”

“Thought I needed to listen…”

“That too! How about this, when Dash wins these tryouts for us you congratulate her like you would normally and you keep being like you were before until she has no choice but to be like she was before too! Otherwise you’ll both be out of sync and nopony wants that”

“I sorta like your idea but I think the ending is a little off” patting her head between the ears I give a few scratches, “It doesn’t matter though, you gave me a pretty good idea”

“Ooooo… that feels soooo goood” nearly melting in my hand Pinkie has to sit her wobbly legs.

Returning clearly upset, Twilight went back to her book, “Okay I talked to Dash and I think she got the message”

Still reducing Pinkie to goo I hold a fist out for a pound Twilights way, “Nice going purple!”

Hesitating unsure exactly what to do she eventually meets my hoof, “Y-yeah… at least let’s hope she doesn’t stay starstruck. I’ve seen that look on her before so it’s a little worrying”

“She’s the element of loyalty, she’ll come back after a little guidance I mean sure she’s stubborn as a mule-“

“Joey!”

“Uh… stubborn as a rock but, she’s not too stupid to know when she’s in the wrong. Most times”

“Maybe you could use a little more guidance as well and just say you’re sorry already. There’s no reason you two should be fighting like this over something so trivial”

“Maybe if you were in my shoes you’d understand but you don’t wear shoes so muah” I stick my tongue out for added effect.

She can only facehoof going back to her book, “Either way you still owe me. I was thinking maybe another spa day. This time we mix it up and you brush my coat last”

Shuddering I remember the last Twilight spa day. Flexing my fingers I could still feel the clammy pain after all those hours pampering. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to massage a hoof.

“Hey Rainbows coming back!”

Sure enough with a swoop she’s back with the team. “Sorry I thought I’d run a couple practice laps first to get a better layout of the course. How are you both doing with your wig ups?”

Not wasting much time I turn my attention elsewhere, over to the crowd beginning to form a couple hundred feet away. “Pinkie let’s go watch the other events while they warm up”

“But what about cheering the warmups?”

“There’s ponies literally competing right now you should be cheering for, what are you talking about goofball?”

“You’re right! We have to get over there right now” and she was off to the races.

Pony Olympics were surprisingly pretty similar to what I was accustomed to back home. It was almost like rather then having events catered to pony abilities they prioritized copying human Olympic games. Strange.

The javelin throw was the perfect example. While some ponies would use a wing to throw, others would use their mouths and whip their head in order to build enough momentum. It definitely felt unfair and strange but, most things in Equestria were strange, why should I start drawing questions at their sporting events? Honestly this topic in general isn’t that important so let me bring things back to myself.

Pinkie and I had watched most the tryouts with of course the Wonderbolts squad winning nearly every event. Cool enough however, Ponyville managed to stay close, gathering enough points throughout to have a chance at winning it all. If that wasn’t good enough news to excite you than know that the final event the relay race was worth more points then any other event. If we were to take first in the relay, we’d surely win the entire thing. That is if Dash would’ve stopped practicing with the Wonderbolts!

Off to the side away from everypony else I’d managed to get a moment alone with her. She’d gone for a water break and I knew this opportunity was my best shot at getting her focused. I wasn’t doing it for Dash, it was for the others.

“Dash!” Drinking from her water bottle her eyebrows immediately told me she was pissed. “What the fuck are you doing? You need help Fluttershy and big fuck get ready for the relay, why are you wasting time practicing with the Wonderfucks?”

“I’m practicing with them both! Besides, they’re not going to get any better with me coaching them so I might as well pick up the slack practicing with the bolts. It’s a win win”

“But it’s not cause Fluttershys childhood friend is taking secret practice sessions with the opposing team instead of helping her get better at flying”

“What would you know about flying? You think I can just say a couple encouraging words and make everypony better? Fluttershys… she’s not very coordinated so it’s better if I just carry the team myself”

“And big fuck?”

“His names Bulk Biceps and he clearly needs to lose some of that muscle mass if he hopes to get any better at flying”

“So you’re telling me you’re not going to stop practicing with the Wonderbolts?”

“Actually… they asked me if I could run the tryout with them”

“And you told them no right?” Her silence says enough. “You know I was thinking maybe I should apologize and that I missed hanging out with you but, after watching this shit unfold and watching you ditch out on your friends? You’re not even the Dash I knew anymore. Have fun with your new friends, I gotta go help mine prepare for a race”

Stomping away angrily I expect a response yet none is returned.

Coming back to our practice area I immediately head over to Shy and Bulk. I was going to take matters into my own hands.

“Alright you two Dash told me what she wants you both to work on so let’s get to it. Bulk I need you to practice maintaining flight. You’re strong enough to fly but for long? Hell no. We gotta get that time up if you’re going to hope to finish your part of the relay. Shy, we need to get your strength up. I know you can fly but your speed is… lacking. I want you to give me some wing ups until Biceps falls to the ground with his exercise”

My sudden burst of enthusiasm confuses everypony around. Even Twilight took a moment to peek over her book puzzled.

“What are you both doing just standing there?! I told you what to do now get to it!”

*WHISTLE*

Loudly Pinkie used her whistle beside me getting an instant reaction out the both of them. “What? I thought we were being coaches?”

Insert your typical training montage with catchy music and time cuts and you might get close to the pathetic display that followed. Not only did it take less then five minutes for the two of us to realize we had no idea what we were doing but, somewhere during our shitty montage we last track of time. Exhausted and clearly overworked with less then an hour til the event Pinkie blew her coaching whistle.

“Okay team let’s call the warm up there!”

Nearly dead Fluttershy floated down to the ground with a light poof, “Huff… huff… o-okay”

To her side Bulk was gulping water as if his life depended on it. It was right then I realized we probably fucked our chances.

I leaned down toward her ear with a whisper, “Pinkie we might have uhhhh… overworked them a little”

“Overworked? They’re fine, Fluttershys usually that blue in the face after a workout and Bulk has definitely thrown up more then that before. I’d say we’re in pretty good shape”

“Shy might actually be dead I mean look at her” she lay there still as a rock, her wings sprawled out covering her upper half.

“Could you maybe just lie to me so I don’t start worrying too?”

I sighed deeply knowing we were in over our heads, “Look, neither of us are Dash, we have no idea what we’re doing. I say we let them rest til the event and we just take whatever place we get”

“Do you think it’s our fault if Ponyville loses? I didn’t mean to push them so hard Joey! I just wanted to win!”

“If it’s anyponies fault it’s-“

“Mine”

Standing nearby in the clearing Dash was covered from head to hoof in medical gauzes and braces. With a couple slow swings of her crutches she came over to us unable to meet anyponies gazes. Twilight was the first to rush over worried.

“Sweet Celestia what happened to you?”

“I kinda got in a little accident on my way back here… I don’t know if I’m going to be able to compete”

In an instant Pinkie jumped between them both, “What?! But Dash you’re are only hope of Ponyville winning, what do you mean you can’t? You always find a way to push through I mean you’re thee Rainbow Dash!”

The more she yelled the more Dash recoiled, each word like glancing blows. I could tell she really felt horrible but, was she actually injured? The skeptical look across Twilights face told me otherwise and once Dash noticed her questioning stare she squirmed in discomfort.

“Dash are you suuuure you can’t compete? The race doesn’t start for another hour” It’s clearly an olive branch, a second chance to back out.

“Uh… yeah I don’t know. My wing kinda got banged up real bad. I’m sorry everypony”

Consistent to herself Pinkie was fast to forgive, “That’s okay Dashie, it’s better you stay healthy then risk getting hurt for some dumb tryout anyway. Besides we’re on pace for second place! That’s like almost first!”

“Thanks Pinkie… I’m… I think I’m going to rest in the shade for a bit. Little sore standing here”

“Yep I totally get it, if it were me-“

In the background their voices faded into a monotonous blend as my own conversation with Twilight required my full attention.

“Twilight, what’s on your mind? I know you know something” I teased while poking her horn with a finger.

She jolted at the touch taking short breath through her teeth, “EEP! Horns are sensitive remember?”

“Oh oops heh, sorry. Did you hear what I said?”

“Yes and there is something I know and no I’m not telling you” she went back to her book trying to end the conversation there.

Sneaking around I slipped my hands between her ears, “But… don’t you love me? If you did you wouldn’t be keeping secrets right”

Trying her best to ignore the mind melting chills running across her body she held firm, “Joey if you’re so curious about Dash go talk to her”

“I never said anything about Dash”

“Yeah well it’s pretty obvious that’s what you were talking about… why does that feel so good?”

Taking a seat behind her in the grass I continue to work away until she’s fallen back onto my lap, completely at my mercy. With eyes closed her cute little expressions at each scratch entertained me dearly.

“So you mind telling me what’s going on?”

“*Yawn* Just go talk to her you big baby”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Then you must not want to know”

I still had one last trick up my sleeve.

“… cmon”

“Nope”

“Damn”

Welp that was all I had

“If it’s really bothering you I’ll at least tell you this. Dash needs somepony to give her a little push and I think I know the right pony for the job”

“Twilight I’m not playing motivation speaker today alright? Especially not to Dash”

“Cause?”

“Cause she’s an asshole and if she really wants my help she’ll come to me”

“We both know *yawn* she’s not the one to ask for help”

“Her loss”

“Joey…” I could feel the disappointment.

“Hm?”

“You’re better then that”

Staying silent I pondered over what Twilight might’ve been thinking. Perhaps Dash wasn’t hurt at all, only worried of making the decision between her friends and her dreams. So worried in fact that she decided to not decided anything at all, to take the choice completely out of her hooves. But she knew what she was doing. This was a choice in its own.

“Twilight is Dash actually hurt?”

After about a minute of silence I look down to see shes completely asleep with a small smile curled at the end of her lips. I was drawn to the slow rising of her chest, the calm expression of her face, and the elegant but still beauty of her body. She truly was blessing to gaze upon, easing my heart from its anxious state to one of simplistic relaxation. I could lay here for hours admiring her features no matter the minuteness but alas, the sleeping alicorn before me gave a task. One I couldn’t deny.

I stayed there resting for a bit watching the others go over technique while Pinkie cheered away. Dash at the very least was willing to train them even if she couldn’t compete but, as I watched her coach I began to notice she was indeed not injured at all. She’s wasn’t even using her crutch properly.

Making sure to lay Twilights head down lightly as to not wake her, I left a small kiss atop her forehead to which she smiled brightly at the touch. With a murmur she spoke, “Hm… stop you’re gonna wrinkle the page…”

Nerdy book dreams, thats too adorable

Almost in an instant Dash spotted me making my way over and with quick thinking shouted to the others, “Alright quick break and we’ll pick it back up in ten”

Waiting for the others to separate and give some privacy I took a seat nearby on the grass.

“Dash-“

Taking a swig from her bottle she didn’t bother with the act, “You noticed didn’t you? Well ya caught me, happy?”

“You have to make a decision”

“Yeah and I decided that it would be better if both teams went without me instead of one of them missing out! I can’t play favorites now” putting up her smug persona I know all too well she knows better.

“Your friends are going to be disappointed”

“They don’t have to know, it’s better they don’t”

“Twilight already knows” I already know

“Yeah and Twilights going to have to get over it!” Huffing after shouting it’s when she notices my shocked expression does she realize what’s she’s said. “I… I didn’t…”

There was something definitely wrong, deeper then our argument.

“Whatever your holding onto… you need to let it go”

“I’m not holding onto anything! It’s… it’s all this fuckin pressure everypony is putting onto me and… and I can’t help but get a little anxious!” Strangely her face began to flush red.

I felt it a cue to push further.

“Since when does Rainbow Dash feel pressure? I know you’re still keeping a secret, what’s bothering you so much?”

“Okay you’re right, I don’t feel pressure but, that doesn’t mean I’m keeping a secret”

“Why the attitude then?”

“What attitude?!”

“You’ve been acting like you’re better then everypony! Don’t lie!”

“I have not!”

“Then why are you getting so flustered?”

“I’m.. I’m not!”

“Dash… your legs are literally shaking”

Sure enough when she lifts a hoof to her face, it trembles uncontrollably causing her to slam it back down.

“Fatigue, I'm tired from practicing”

“Tired of lying more like it and now even your body is tired of it. Just let tell me what’s wrong”

“This is ridiculous”

“Is it?”

“I don’t have to listen to this I’m leaving”

“Just like you did to Shy and the others joining the Wonderbolts squad? Guess you really have changed”

Preparing for another excuse or a witty comeback it’s the silence following that draws my attention back to her. Her eyes brimming with hot tears freshly cooked from the fiery blush burning her muzzle. Unable to hold back, the first few stream make their way down before she’s even said a word.

“I d-dont know w-what to do…”

“Just tell them you’re feeling better now I’m su-“

“No… there’s something wrong with me”

“What do you mean?”

“M-my… my stomach keeps feeling uneasy a-and my chest, it hurts”

“Are you sick? Is it like a constant thing?” She shakes her head.

“I… I think… I think I…” she can’t even finish, having to pause to fight through tears.

Even with our recent rocky struggles I’m left feeling unsure. Should I comfort her? Would she get more upset? Just watching her cry was making me sick! I had to do something.

“Joey it hurts” Without thinking I hugged her nearly on the verge of crying myself.

“Dash what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know. It started that day… the day we started arguing. When w-we… when I left my chest starting hurting and I started getting all sick and now every time I think about you or that stupid stupid day I start feeling all shitty again. I can’t even look or think about you at all or I start getting sick again and I just want it to stop. I want to be friends, I want to hangout again! I want this stupid pain to go away”

Stuffing her face into my shoulder I reassuringly rub her back gently, “I’m sorry… I should’ve apologized a long time ago”

Muffled in my shoulder I can still understand her but the next words she speaks almost feel as if I’ve heard her wrong still. Quietly, ever so she managed to break my heart.

“I like you… I’m sorry”

The next minute fell silent. The only noise her light sobbing, slowly finding its way down to a miserable groan. She stayed buried into me, hugging close as if the only antidote to her pain was my warmth. Slowly I stroked her rainbow mane, letting the moment take over rather then rush. She needed this and I wouldn’t dare disturb it.

“I know you don’t think of me the same way a-and that’s okay but, I don’t want to lose you” she pulls away looking with her puffy tired eyes, “I can’t handle that”

Her exhausted face forces me to smile, my heart barely able to take the abuse, “I’m not going anywhere. What kind of best friend would I be otherwise?”

A few more tears spilled their way free but, the smile that grew across her face told a different story. “Heh *sniff* a pretty shitty one”

Chuckling I met her forehead with a light bump, “Look at us idiots yelling at each other. I can’t believe we let this last so long”

“Yeah well.. *sniff* it was mainly your fault”

“My fault!?!”

“Yeah! Clearly I was talking about you the whole time and you never noticed cause you have the awareness of a rock!”

“How was I supposed to know when the most in your face, I don’t care bout nopony friend I have doesn’t just say how she feels?”

“I clearly like you! Why do you think I only tell you my personal stuff? Because I felt like you had the best answers? Come on we both know that’s not true”

“Wow… that’s going too far. I have great advice”

“bE YoUrSeLf, yeah I did dweeb and look how that turned out”

“I literally said you were attractive you little shit!”

“Then why don’t you like me enough to court me?!”

I paused, knowing it was important I explained my feelings right.

“Because I’ve only seen you as a friend Dash. You remind me of my friends back home and it’s a feeling I needed more then anything the moment I got here. You’re important to me and you probably were the only reason I kept going the first few months I lived here. I know it’s unfair to you but, it just the way I feel. I’m sorry”

Staring with piercing daggers aimed my way they suddenly disappear into the normal pink orbs she always carried. Getting up she started to make her way back to the others, “I’m still the most important pony in your life though, can’t deny that”

My first week in Ponyville flashes back to when I met Dash. Our times spent cloud gazing. The prank days spent messing with the ponies around town. Her new pink sunglasses. The Fluttershy sex scandal. Even the moment she found out I was cutting, she handled it all in stride listening to my ridiculous demands even if it hurt her to do so. She’d been there the whole time. My best friend.

“You are Dash. You really are”

Unprepared for such a forward response she immediately tripped over her own hoof falling flat on her face. Getting up and leaving sooner then I’d have liked I stopped her with a shout. There was still one last thing I needed to know.

“Hey!”

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to be okay?” Faltering just a little she made sure to still give me her best smile.

“Y-yeah… I think I’ll be okay”

“Don’t… don’t hold it if you’re not okay?”

“I won’t… I promise”

And away she flew.

In a much better mood and willing to compete, Dash returned and gave her best apology for the actions she took. She explained everything, from the secret practices to the fake injury. Only when she finished was the response she got an unexpected one. The girls swallowed her in a group hug.

“I’m so glad you decided to come back Dash”

“Yeah! Now Ponyville is going to win for sure!”

“Y-yeah!” Shy gave her best shout, just barely above the average ponies outside voice.

“You… aren’t mad?”

Conjuring up a magical stick from thin air Twilight made sure to get a real good bonk on Dash’s head, “Course I’m mad but, I’m more happy you decided to come back!”

“I never doubted you for a second unless you count the second I found out but, it was only one second!”

“Even you Shy?”

“Well… I can’t say I’m not a little disappointed” with ears flat against her head Dash found interest staring toward her hooves rather then her friend’s upset face. Until she went on. “But I’d probably have trouble too if it was something I really wanted”

“But I should’ve known better! You girls are my friends I mean how could I even think about not running the relay with you! I’m a terrible friend”

Covering her with a wing Twilight hugged her in close, “If there’s one thing I know you are not, it’s a terrible friend”

She was right and I couldn’t agree more.

“Everypony can get a little selfish at times Dash, plus it’s your dream to practice with them. I’m sure nopony here is going to hold it against you, specially since your going to win us that relay”

“Still I’m really sorry, to all of you. I’ve been a bad friend lately but, that stops today. No today we are going to win this friken relay and put Ponyville into the Equestrian games!”

In unison we all met in the middle, “Ponyville on 3! One, two, three! PONYVILLE!”

“Now let’s go kick some flank!”

“…ahem” standing there giggling one of the judges stood nearby with her clipboard in her mouth. “The relay still doesn’t start for another twenty minutes”

“Oh” it was tough not to laugh.

Soon enough the Ponyville team set up for the final event. The rest of us meanwhile found our places at the finish line waiting anxiously in worry. Sure we had Dash but, the Wonderbolt squad was only down one pony. Whoever the replacement was it would still be quite the accomplishment to win. This challenge however, clearly didn’t bother some.

“LEEEETS GO PONYVILLE!!” Pinkies loud microphone yelling drew a few faces but, of course she didn’t mind at all. “GIVE ME A P! GIVE ME AN O! GIVE ME-“

“Pinkie! We got it”

“Heheh, sorry Dashie! LETS GO PONYVILLE!!!”

Taking their places our relay team went in this order. First, bulk biceps. With the beginning part of the course starting near the ground it was the best idea to keep him low in order to help him maintain his speed given his biggest difficulty was gaining altitude. Next he would be handing off the baton to Fluttershy. Although outmatched by most the ponies she lined up with, she still was the second best flyer we had so the rise in altitude and the various loops would have to be completed by her in at least a decent time. Finally there was our anchor. Dash had to be our final pony. She was the best under pressure and if there was any chance at all we were going to make up time it would have to be her.

Watching Bulk barely hover above the ground I almost wanted to close my eyes for the first third of the race. Second place wasn’t that bad right?

“On your mark, set, *POOOOOF*” in place of a gun the ref fired off a magical firework, it’s explosion the starting signal.

With that they were off, Bulk immediately falling behind. With bated breath beside me Pinkie jumped up and down covering her mouth as to not shout. It was Twilights idea she held any screaming for the final kick, the other two not likely to preform better under such conditions.

The other 4 teams started to close the gap and with already a twenty second lead the Wonderbolt squad passed their first baton. With a wobbly handoff the replacement stallion made his way through the course. Although he appeared clumsy his competition was far behind.

Taking my focus back to Bulk I noticed he’d passed another pony! Somehow they’d caught their leg on one of the courses many loops, falling and getting stuck in a nearby bush.

“Hey you got it Bulk! Keep it up bud!” Yelling I’d completely forgotten about the mare beside me.

Pinkie looked as if her head was going to explode, her face red from the pressure.

“Pinkie” Twilight warned. “Hold it together”

“I’m… trying!”

Passing it off Shy was surprisingly fast to start. Perhaps it was the practice or some random burst of confidence she flew around most her obstacles with ease. Then without warning reality had caught up. Almost as if she’d stumbled into a chamber of double gravity her wings seemed to move in slow motion. Her flight began to wobble and it started to look like she might not finish at all. Not until a voice shouted from ahead giving her a second wind.

“You can do it Fluttershy! Come on you’re almost there! Show them how much you worked for this!”

Giving everything she had she reached Dash exhaling the last of her held breath, falling slowly to the ground right after. With good reflexes Twilight caught her with a purple glow, gently bringing her over to the rest of us.

“RRRRR-LEEEETSSSSS GOOOOOOO DAAAAAASH!” Clutching my ears from Pinkies sharp voice we couldn’t say we didn’t see it coming. Hell I’d say we did this to ourselves. “GIVE THEM THE PONYVILLE SPECIAL!!!”

Like lighting Dash soared through the course, her body leaving an audible sound of pure violence. She flew possessed, precise, and with a degree of difficulty even a Wonderbolt would be proud of. Down almost a full minute she covered most of the slack within seconds, leaving behind a rainbow blur and a harsh gust of wind. She was flying dangerous with something to prove.

Taking a look back the golden Wonderbolt in first couldn’t hide her shock to see the lead shrunken so fast. With haste she picked up from her leisure speed hoping to finish strong enough to keep Dash at bay. It was too late though, the final stretch Dash’s ally. With breakneck speed, she broke the sound barrier leaving behind an explosive rainbow across the sky. The air seemed to yell back at as Dash crossed the finish line disappearing into the horizon. She had brought us back for the win.

Erupting into a fit of cheers I grabbed Pinkie and started swinging her in circles. “We fucking won! We really won!! Ponyville! Fuck yeah!”

“I’m so happy I feel like I could puke!”

“Okay enough spinning for you”

With a sudden pull I’m brought down to a knee by my hand and smothered by a Twilight kiss. Her boldness alone flung my little hamster wheel brain right off the track.

“I’ve never seen her fly so amazing like that in my life! What did you say to make her so motivated?”

“Uhh… I uh”

“Oh sorry I shouldn’t have kissed you out of the blue like that, that was um… my bad” back to her old quirky self, the mare tried her best to hide behind her bangs.

“N-no that was… that was fine. Just wasn’t expecting it ya know?”

“Do I get an unexpected kiss now?”

“Pinkie it’s not unexpected if you ask for it”

“What?! Thats stupid!”

“Would you settle for an expected kiss?”

“Hmmm nah, maybe later. Kinda got my hopes up for the unexpected one”

To the side I could see Fluttershy holding her chest in embarrassment. At this rate we were going to kill her.

*THUD*

Behind us all Dash crashed hard into the ground, sliding a few feet before stopping in a small heap. The girls fell silent while my feet started to move for me. Running as fast as I could by the time I reached her she had already started to get up. The sight of her wing alone made me flinch.

Twisted in an odd fashion she folded it against her body, limping out of the newly dug up ground. I gathered her up in an instant.

With an exhausted face she met my eyes with her own half lidded stare, “I told you we’d win”

“You… you idiot…” looking over the many scratches and bruises it was clear the speed at which she raced was too much for her body. I almost wanted to cry seeing her so hurt.

“I’ll be okay… I trust you’ll take care of me” with a smile she passed out, leaving me with a sick feeling of guilt.

For an odd reason I knew I was at fault for this. She wouldn’t have raced that hard otherwise. Was it to impress me? Did she feel like she owed me something? Whatever it was I wasn’t able to think it over for long as the first priority I had was to get medical attention.

About a day passed by since the race and the girls headed home leaving me and Dash behind at the nearby Canterlot hospital. Pinkie was tough to convince to go back home but, once I explained my reasoning she was willing to listen. She understood we needed the privacy and was never one to argue so that left me alone, sitting beside Dash’s bed. Fiddling with the Wonderbolt pin in my hands I watched over my friend’s sleeping form.

Why would she go so far? Am I being selfish thinking it was because of me? Maybe she’s just that competitive, I’ve never seen her race competitive before

My thoughts are interrupted with a sound from the door. Her doctor had came back with the X-ray results in hoof.

“Are you the one in charge of Miss Dash?”

“Yeah, we decided that I should stay behind”

“Hm, lovers perhaps?”

I blushed with a little frustration, “Why is it always about romance with you ponies?”

Chuckling he checked over the clipboard at the end of the bed, “Perhaps it’s in our genetics? Alright no need for the face it was just a joke”

“She gonna be okay?”

“Well she had a pretty nasty break near her metacarpus and strangely enough not from the fall but, other than that she’s as fit as a fiddle. I’d say with a little therapy and some daily medication she’ll be back to flying in about three to six weeks”

“Three to six weeks?! She broke a bone doctor isn’t that like serious?”

“Maybe if it were a bone say like her femur but, pegasus wings are often times quick to heal. A mare in good as shape as her? Why she’ll be just fine”

“That’s good to here”

“Yep. All that’s really left is the bill and she’ll be ready to go home as soon as she wakes up. Just make sure to follow the directions with her medication and therapy sheet and everything should go swimmingly”

Oh god the dreaded medical bill. As a former U.S. citizen there’s fewer worse things to hear. “How much we looking at?”

“Here you are” handing over the sheet, the bottom has a little spot for signatures with a number and bit marker right beside it.

“Uh.. am I reading this right? This seems pretty cheap”

He laughed loudly catching me off guard, “Cheap? Sir where exactly are you from? Most ponies nearly cut my head off after reading the bill! You sure are one strange pony”

Happily signing away I gave back the paper, “Well where I’m from two hundred bits for a broken bone would be dream”

“Yeesh, hate to live where you’re from. Anywho, I oughta get going now. You two have a wonderful day and remember to follow the directions exactly like the sheet says. You wouldn’t believe how many ponies think they know better than a doctor”

“Thanks doc, take it easy”

With a gentleness similar to his voice he shut the door leaving me alone once more.

“You didn’t have to pay for me you know” Rising weakly from beneath the covers she propped up against her pillow. A sigh of relief washed over me.

“You didn’t have to scare us all like that you know?”

Cheeky she crossed her hooves giggling, “And not be a winner? Come on you know me better than that”

Smiling back I walked over giving a light karate chop to her head, “Take the loss next time, I never want to worry like that again”

“Sorry heheh. Didn’t plan on getting hurt if it makes you feel any better”

“It doesn’t buuuut seeing that you’re okay it definitely makes it an easier pill to swallow. Speaking of which, tadah! You’re on painkillers for the foreseeable future!” Enthusiastically I wave the bottle in front of her.

“Oh shit I almost forgot! I broke my wing didn’t I?” Checking to make sure with a spin she immediately snapped back in pain. “Ow ow ow!”

“Easy there sport, no sudden movements til we get ya all drugged up”

“Can you not make it seem like I’m a druggie?”

“Come on, take the pill. Come on girl”

“You’re really milking this aren’t you?”

“How else am I going to get my pay back?”

“…fair”

“By the way, that yellow Wonderbolt mare wanted me to give you this” holding out the pin Dash stared at it with wonderment.

“This.. this is an official Wonderbolt pin! From Spitfire none the less!” Holding it in her hoof I swear the instant she touched it her eyes flashed in a rainbow of colors.

“Yeah, yeah, you can geek out later after you’ve taken your medication now come on”

Taking her required dose she geeked a little harder and we talked a little longer until it kicked finally. Getting ready for the trip back I gathered most her things myself seeing how she really didn’t have an open limb to help. Slung behind her, her wing was wrapped neatly and stiff. Although I wasn’t a pegasus it certainly looked uncomfortable.

“You need help with anything?”

“Besides scratching my wing? No. Actually how much was my bill? I wanna pay you back”

“I thought you heard me earlier when I was talking to the doctor?”

“Eh… I only caught some of it. Still coming off the fact I’ve been asleep for like a whole day ya know?”

“My bad, my bad”

“So are you going to tell me how much it was?”

“Huh?”

“Joey!”

“Shit it’s getting kinda late, we should probably hurry to the station”

“If you don’t tell me-“

With one swift motion I scooped her up, careful not to touch the aforementioned wing as well. Flipping her face to meet mine she was already blushing.

“Put. Me. Down”

“No or we’ll be late”

“I broke my wing not my leg, put me down!”

“I thought you said you liked me? Shouldn’t you be enjoying this?”

“… maybe that’s why I want you to PUT ME DOWN!”

“Ya know that was pretty amazing watching you kick all those ponies asses at the end there. Probably the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen”

She rolled her eyes blushing harder, “It wasn’t that amazing”

“Oh I beg to differ”

Leaving through the front doors of the hospital we stepped out into the sunset, Canterlot’s many twists and paths left orange from the suns glow. Hit with its vibrant warmth I don’t even notice it still distracted looking at the mare in my arms. Checking out the view herself I’m spoiled enough to admire the sight of her backdropped by a prestigious city. Just from being outside again the color practically spilled back into her.

“Hey Dash?”

“Yeah?”

“Wanna hang out after this? Maybe get something delivered?”

With glistening eyes she nodded, “Y-yeah… I’d like that”

32 Sucking Scary

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“Yeeeeaaaah… no, I’m not doing that”

“But why? It is good practice for uh… for the foreseeable future! If we are to wed how would thou handle the pressure of court or the noble masses? It is incredibly important for one to hold a strong image so it is best you start practicing now with writing our letter”

“Luna just because you don’t like doing that stuff doesn’t mean you can just shove that responsibility on me. You think I would like doing that crap any more then you do?”

Trying her best to persuade, she nuzzled against me with a smirk, “Perhaps we could find a reward fitting enough to entice thou” and followed with wrapping her tail around the inner part of my thigh. She fluttered her eyes encouragingly, “Would that be a possibility?”

Trying my best not to get excited I turned away, “You can’t trick me into doing yucky political stuff. I’m not writing that report for you”

Flipping onto her back she rolled in a small tantrum, “Dah! This is unbearable! How could my own sister ask of such a thing”

Entertained by Luna’s ‘turmoil’, I cuddled up beside her on the couch, “Lu it’s just a small written letter about ponies dreams and stuff. You literally used to do this already before”

“But now we have tasted the freedom of an everyday subject and it is liberating! I yearned for a time without the dealings of a princess. No written reports or snooty nobles, no public appearances or hefty paperwork. Ugh, do you know the number of suitors that attempted to court us just for a seat at the royal table?” Sitting up her hooves made their way to her head massaging away the tension. “As jealous as I was for the attention our sister received, it was not until recently did we realize the value of privacy. Belittling as it may I would even be willing to live as a maid or house servant if it meant we were to be liberated”

“Does your sister know you feel this way?”

“Of course.. ‘‘twas a conversation we held before our departure and stay with you. She of course could not oblige our selfish desires. It would have been irresponsible of her”

“Well maybe Twilight could take over for you in the future? It’s not like I’m trying to force the responsibility on somepony else but, it was clear Celly has plans getting her involved in Canterlot eventually”

“Perhaps but, I wish for retirement now”

“It’s only a little longer Lu. How bad could it be?”

“… Joey has thou ever sat and listened to a pony complain about capital tax for over three hours? I don’t even know what capital taxes are!”

“That’s reassuring to hear”

Spinning around to face me she was very upset, “There was no such thing before our banishment I shall have you know”

“Okay then I can teach you these things and-“

“But thou already knows! Why should we have to deal with such unpleasantries when there is a pony better for the position, especially one to be labeled future king?”

“Alright hypothetically Twilight doesn’t take your position and I was the king in the future alright? It wouldn’t even matter anyways because Equestria is a matriarchal run country. I’d be no better then a handsome little side piece for you to show off”

Stumped she sighed, cuddling back into me, “We would enjoy flaunting our most valuable treasure”

“Wow Lu, objectifying me much?” I jest.

She didn’t react much, instead closed her eyes and snuggled. “Meh. To be fair we would much rather prefer your role”

Luna definitely wasn’t one for responsibility, I had learned that much. Hopefully in time she could find peace with her purpose or maybe even find a replacement however, this was wishful thinking. I knew how unlikely it was for everypony to have a happy ending. I just wanted to make sure Luna’s would be as good as I can help make it be.

Closing my eyes I tried my best to get comfortable and squeezed Luna tightly. Apparently this would be another day off spent relaxing and I was all for it. Lost in her scent I wouldn’t know I’d fallen asleep until everything was abruptly interrupted.

*Tap* *Tap*

A light poke went against the top of my head, messing up my already curly hair. “Joey! Joey!” In a hush whispered tone I could still make out who it was.

I growled, grumpy from being pulled away from my moon mare, “Uuughh Twi how did you even get in?”

“You left the door unlocked you dork which by the way is how it should always be and I need you and Luna’s help”

Sprawling out I almost accidentally pushed Luna clean off the couch, grabbing her at the last moment, “Twi you lock your own door, what are you talking about?”

“Yeah when I’m not home!”

“What about when you’re asleep?”

“Nopony is going to come over when I’m sleeping Joey, that’s silly”

Stirring beside me Luna batted my face with a hoof in her stretch, “Is it night already?”

“Sorry for waking you pri- Luna but, I was saying I how I needed you and Joeys help”

“Our help?”

“Do you really need our help? Like really really need it or is this one of those things where y’all don’t know what’s wrong so you grab like everypony we know?”

“Uhhh the second one”

“Damn… Luna we gotta go, it’s integral to the plot”

“The what?”

“I don’t know, it seemed like something Pinkie would say. Speaking of which-“

“I already told her. Actually she was how I found you both. She’s at Sweet Apple Acres already with the rest of the girls, they’re all waiting for me to get back”

“Hmpf, okay, okay. This better actually require our help this time though”

“It always does… sometimes”

Standing in front of Sweet Apple Acres, the old farm house stood proud and tall still in its bright red glory. It truly would be a welcoming sight if not for the sea of rotten apples adorning every tree in sight. Down the dirt path leading to her home Twilight led us around the back over to their pole barn where the rest of the girls waited. Even Spike was here this time!

“Sup y’all”

“Why isn’t this a pleasant surprise, I didn’t know you would be bringing back Joey and princess Luna as well when you left. Why didn’t you just say so?”

Rolling her eyes Twilight took her place right beside AJ, “Because I didn’t know if I was going to be able to convince them. You know how Joey is”

“Reliable?” Most the girls laugh as if I was being sarcastic. It really did hurt.

“Anyway as I was tellin the others there’s a bunch of fruit bats making home round my orchard and eatin all my darn apples! I’m sure you could tell when ya arrived”

We took turns answering.

“We did notice. A rather alarming predicament no?”

“Yeah it looked pretty bad”

“Pretty bad don’t even do it enough justice neither. At the rate those nasty vermin are suckin, Ponyville ain’t gunna have a single drop of cider for the running of the leaves festival!”

I’d forgotten all about that holiday! Seeing how I’d been here for well over a year now most the new pony holidays would be reoccurring, some less desirable then others. Also seeing how it was the running of the leaves, we must’ve been nearing fall or at least at the beginning of the season. Equestria’s short winter would be just around the corner.

“No cider!? Alright AJ, what’s the plan for these bats cause this mare is not putting up with a dry winter” Dash cracked her hooves ready to go.

“Winter? You horde cider over the whole damn winter?”

“Yeah, ask Shy, she’d know”

“Yeah, we keep a some at my home when Dash lives with me in the winter”

“Some?”

“It can be um… a little too much?”

Waving her off Dash jogged around resting a hoof around my waist, “If it’s too much we could always use some help getting rid of it. Besides there isn’t much else to do when it’s friken snowing out all day!”

In a flash Dash and I were separated by Pinkie, “Did somepony say winter cider party every week for all of winter!? I’m in!”

“Uhhh I don’t know if I can host a party every week. That’s a lot of cider…”

“Then if y’all are hoping to have enough for the whole winter we should stop jabbering bout drinking and start thinking of a plan”

“She’s right girls. We can worry about that stuff after we’ve dealt with the bats”

“Twilight dear can’t we just give them a little magic scare and zap them away?”

“Noo! Absolutely not! We can’t hurt the bats!”

“I don’t think she meant hurting them Fluttershy, right Rarity?” Spike asked.

“Of course not! I know how much you care about all of your animal friends. I simply meant we force them to leave… safely of course!”

“What if we convince them to stop?”

“And how ya gunna do that?”

“I could ask them nicely?”

Stepping forward Luna reassured Shy with a nudge, “That is an awfully wholesome thought Fluttershy however, if they are anything like the ones in the palace we would be better off transporting them with our magic like miss Rarity suggests”

“But princess Luna-“

“Please, just Luna and that goes for all of you”

“Luna it’s not right to take them from their homes! Can’t we find another way that’s peaceful if I can’t convince them?”

Thinking it over for a moment Twilight sprung up with an idea, “You could use the stare!”

Never hearing of the stare before I questioned, “The stare?”

“Bro, you’re telling me you’ve never seen Shy do the stare?”

“No Dashie, otherwise I wouldn’t be so confused”

Energetically Spike pointed my way, “Use the stare on Joey! Use it on him!”

“It’s not magic right? If it’s magic don’t”

“It’s what it sounds like ya big baby, it’s a stare”

“Like two seconds ago it seemed like more then a stare”

“We were overacting! You know how ponies are”

“Dash you’re a pony”

“Yeah and so are you, what’s that got to do with anything?”

“I swear I’ll twist your wing”

Instinctively she jumped back, hiding her still recovering appendage, “Alright I was joking! It’s a thing she does to keep her animals in check. It’s really freaky. N-Not that I meant you were freaky Shy”

“No it’s okay. Honestly I was more upset you referred to my animal friends as my animals but, that’s okay. A happy little accident”

“Can we just try an use the stare already? If y’all haven’t noticed I’m losing apples by the minute here”

Giggling Twilight brought us back on topic, “Apple Jack is right, we should probably come up with an actual plan now so does anypony have any idea how we can do this? I like using the stare idea but I haven’t really made out a way we could gather them all together”

“Twilight if you.. if you don’t mind of course could I try asking them politely first while you come up with an idea? I still would like to try not using the stare, it makes me feel like I’m not giving them a fair chance”

“Sure I mean if it works that’s great for everypony and if it doesn’t we don’t really lose anything anyway”

“O-okay! I’m going to go ask them right now!” Running off that left the rest of us still twiddling our thumbs.

“What if, hear me out, we use Rainbow to round them all up in a whirlwind of some sort and we bundle them all up after?”

“Ugh Rarity in case you haven’t noticed?” With a wave she showed off her still bandaged wing. “Not exactly in the ‘rounding up’ shape right now”

“Twilight could fly and do it”

Inspecting Twilight head to hoof Dash turned back with a serious look, “No”

“What if I used my dragon breath and we scared them all away? Bats are scared of fire right?”

“Huh? Where’d you hear that?”

“I just thought since the sun is made of fire and they don’t like the sun that much that they were afraid of fire”

“Spike there’s no way they even know the sun is made of fire, they’re bats!”

Loudly Pinkie gasped, “Joey! Don’t let Shy hear you say that!”

“Can’t we just shoot ‘em with magic and scare em off? I know Flutters ain’t that big about being mean to critters an such but these nasty things are going to bleed our farm dry! There’s plenty of fruits elsewhere for them, it’s not like they’re gunna starve!”

“I mean I’m sure they’re a few spells I could try out casting but, if it’s possible I’d like to not make Shy upset”

Proud of Twilights firm resolve (and likely respect for Fluttershy), Spike nodded his head in agreement. “Shy’s our friend! We should care about what she thinks just as much as what Apple Jack thinks”

Purposely I whispered to Dash and Pinkie loud enough for everypony else to hear, “Look at this knight in shining armor” getting a few good laughs in return and a mighty fine puff of dragon smoke.

“Oh leave the poor drake alone, he’s the cutest when he’s all gentlecolt like”

“W-what? What are you all talking about?”

Even Twi joined in, “Come on Spike, we all know you’ve been crushing big time on Fluttershy. There’s no point in hiding it”

“Crushing- I have not!”

Coming up with a little eureka I bail the dragon out of his rotisserie style teasing, “Hey what if you use the stare but like project it as an image to all the bats at the same time? You can do that right?”

“Um… maybe. I don’t know, that sounds kinda hard. I’d probably need to check the library for any books on projection magic”

Having been silent a while her voice suddenly at my side makes me almost jump out of my skin, “We could potentially try if that is alright with you all?”

“Luna you know projection magic?”

“I dabble”

I knew what that really meant, “Here we go…”

“Really? Wow! Where’d you learn how to? I’ve been sorta interested in learning some recently”

You’re interested in learning every type of magic!

“Hm.. that must have been some time ago, we could not possibly put a date. I do however, use it nightly. It is quite effective in dispelling nightmares!” Way too cheery I could tell Luna had been waiting a long time to talk to somepony about this.

“Dispelling nightmares?! That’s amazing! You must use it in your sleep then right? How else would you use it in the dreamscape?”

Lost in wizard talk I wouldn’t bother ending their conversation, instead I brought the attention back to the others, “Maybe we should just scare them off”

“So we can use my fire right?”

“No we can’t use fire ya pheasant! My whole darn farm is flammable! I could lose everything”

“Sorry girls heh, I kinda feel a little useless here” running her neck Dash was out of her element. Without any physical gifts to provide she wasn’t really comfortable.

“You’re not useless Dashie! Look at me, I just came to make everypony laugh!”

“Alright easy with the self depreciation. You two are beginning to sound like me”

Finally back and unable to catch her breath Shy fell down to the grass defeated. “I… asked… so politely… but… they said…. no!”

“Nasty vermin, I told ya”

“…not… nasty”

“Nasty or not they need to leave!”

“Apple Jack please, yelling isn’t going to get us anywhere”

“Sorry, this is whole day has been horrible and without Dash’s flyin or some fancy pancy spell my farm is going to suffer. Ugh… if there’s anypony I should be yellin at, it’s myself. Can’t even protect the orchard from bats!”

“I guess since they didn’t want to be nice and stop and I did ask beforehand, we could maybe use the stare”

“Alright!” Dash cheered. “Friken love the stare! You have to see it Joey it’s wicked”

Turning back to the group Twilight gave a puzzled look at Dash before speaking, “Errr anyway, Luna said she has a way to display Fluttershy across the entire orchard and we don’t have to do anything! She’ll just show her face up in the sky doing the stare and I can cast a spell across the orchard to stop their eating!”

A little skeptical still AJ asked a question bugging her too much to hold on to, “Uhhh aren’t we in the orchard as well? What if ya cast the spell on us?”

Rarity nodded as well, “Apple Jack is right dear and how do you know this spell will even stop them from eating apples?”

“I tested it before. I used it on a mosquito colony I had and they stopped biting all together! Super cool stuff”

“But what if it makes them stop eating completely?! We can’t do that Twilight! What if we built them a little sanctuary with a few apple trees of their own? You can spare a few trees right AJ?” Shy’s worry was plastered all over her face. She didn’t like the idea one bit.

“No I can’t and more importantly I don’t want to. Those nasty monster been eating free for long enough. There’s plenty other fruit besides apples”

“I don’t know…”

Taking Fluttershy’s hoof Spike caught her eye, “Twilight understands how much their safety means to you. I’m sure it’ll be okay”

Shocked at the boldness I had to hide my face with a hand. Checking to see the others reactions it was a mixed bunch but mostly the same. Like myself Dash looked away flushing heavy while Rarity’s smile beamed brighter then the moon.

“Alright. I trust you Twilight”

“Don’t worry. I promise it’ll work out great!” Giddily she stomped as Luna took center stage. “Oooo I'm so excited! To see projection magic at this scale is a once in a lifetime opportunity!”

“Fluttershy, are thou ready?” She nodded putting on her game face. “Then pay close attention to what I have to say. Casting this spell over an area of this size will be indeed as Twilight said, rare. It will take a massive amount of magic and can only be preformed once. We do not have the time to wait for me to recover so we must succeed. I shall start casting however, thou will not appear above until the color of our pupils turn a different shade. When this occurs you must stare into my eyes as our vision is the catalyst that is displayed upon the sky. What I see is what will appear. Have we made ourself clear?”

“Y-yes. I do the stare at you when your eyes change color. Right?”

“Precisely. Now I require silence”

Closing her eyes, her horn lit in a blue glow. A low gust of wind stirred circling around us with fallen leaves twisting and spinning about. Then as she reopened her eyes there was a heavy wind from her, leaving us all to flinch away. When I turned back her eyes were still their natural color however, they glowed brightly in the dark illuminated against the dark behind. The night had crept upon us leaving the entire orchard in darkness. Only the red glowing eyes of bats and Luna’s piercing blue orbs left any light. Chomping beside me Pinkie ate away at a large popcorn, soaking in the moment.

With a flicker Twilight began her own spell, waiting for the cue to begin. With sneaky suddenness, Luna’s teal eyes lost their color, left in a light shade of grey. Hesitantly Fluttershy seemed unsure if this was the sign but, quickly readjusted herself. With the stomp of her two front hooves she gave a strange look. Caught in the crossfire some I could feel the affect, my legs suddenly heavier then normal.

“Look up above! It’s Shy!”

Sure enough floating high above the farm was the transparent upper half of Fluttershy’s torso. Her face was massive, the size of Golden Oaks Library in its entirety. Twilight took this as her cue, casting a large purple shockwave across the orchard. The pulse passed through without so much as a tickle yet, shook the trees around us with fierce power. They groaned in protest, shaking further out, dispersing into a weak gust of wind by the time her spell reached the edges of AJ’s orchard. As quickly as it started it had ended and the night fell silent once more.

Shaking her head Luna couldn’t hold back a laugh, “That was incredible! We have never casted a projection of that size before. We did not honestly believe it was possible! Joey did you see?” Going to take a step my way she immediately tripped over her own hoof.

Thankfully I was close enough and she fell into me hard enough to send us both down. “Woah, you alright?”

“Yes! Ha, we are rather lightheaded. A simple symptom of magic fatigue” still lost in the spectacle she started laughing again. “It has been a long time since we have felt this way. What a strange way to remember!”

“Twilight dear are you going to be okay?”

Off to the side a few of the others gathered around Twilight. She also appeared to be shaken up, now sitting down beside Spike. Also okay her only focus currently was on geeking out.

“Luna you’re amazing! That had to be the largest projection ever done in history!”

“Twas a simple spell nothing more”

“Lu you nearly feinted”

“That was but a mere stumble! The grass was uneven”

Jumping in front of Luna, Pinkie made sure to break any sort of personal space, “That was awesome! I didn’t know you could make a big Fluttershy like that, could you make a big Pinkie next?! I want to be that big!”

“Uh Pinkie? I don’t think Luna made Shy any bigger then she was, I think she sorta just made a big picture of her in the sky. Like one of those movies you an Joey like to go see”

“Hey do you think you could show me what I look like when I do some of my stunts? I’ve always wondered how I looked, plus I could make some of them even cooler if I knew what to change and who wouldn’t want that?”

“Uh.. we’ll I certainly wouldn’t mind helping at least once”

“I could use that spell for my dresses! While a mirror does a wonderful job it would be splendid to see myself in my entirety. I can’t imagine the ideas that could bring! Why I might even be able to start a new trend again”

“Perhaps once we could exchange-“

“Could you use it to send a message? If there’s anyway I can get out of letter writing duty I’m all for it”

“P-perhaps… um, truthfully I am unsure as of now if we could but-“

“Luna you wouldn’t mind teaching me some projection magic when you have time would you?”

“We uh… would love to help teach… thou” soon enough the many voices and shouts became too much. Overwhelmed she struggled to even build a sentence. “Could we all.. please..”

I wasn’t about to sit there and let it continue, “OR, here me out y’all, let Luna have some space so she can catch her breath and somepony can go check if the spell even worked”

“Oh I completely forgot! Fluttershy do you mind checking with Apple Jack?”

“Sure!”

“Let’s hope this really worked for my sake and them critters cause I ain’t givin them a second chance”

Taking off most the girls join as well leaving just Luna, Twilight and I. Watching them head off it’s a tug at my shirt that draws my attention.

“Thank you for the assist. We are not very good with large groups… or public speaking… or attention”

Chuckling I can’t fight the urge to pat her head, “Although that’s a little alarming coming from the princess, you’re preaching to the choir so I’ll let it slide”

“Preaching to the choir? We do not understand this motif”

“I meant that I get where you’re coming from ya goof. I feel the same way”

“I believe we have had this conversation before have we not? You had used the phrase ‘a match in heaven’, had you not?”

“You.. kinda got that one wrong too but close enough”

“Darn. We will conquer the so called slang of todays ponies in due time, this we are sure of. Be patient with us”

“Meh, I think it’s cuter though when you mess them up though”

“We are not cute!”

Filled with relief AJ returned with the largest grin I’d ever seen her carry, “Speakin of not cute, them critter won’t do so much as look at an apple now! I gotta say that was some fancy spell work you two put together and I can’t thank you both enough. I oughta repay the favor so whatever y’all need just say the word”

“Aw it was nothing Apple Jack, you’re one of my best friends. I know you’d do the same for me”

“Consider the debt unnecessary from our end as well. There is not much I find myself needing help for these days however, we would like this moment to be a pivotal pillar in our new friendship, if that is okay with you?”

“Uhhh sure! Glad to be friends with ya Luna” holding out her hoof for a bump it takes the flustered princess a moment to react, meeting her hoof.

“To friendship”

“How touching”

“I know!” Sobbing away Pinkie didn’t seem to pick up on my sarcasm.

“Since the fruit bats aren’t bothering your farm anymore, you wouldn’t mind if I helped maybe build them their very own section to stay in would you?”

Unsurprisingly I wasn’t the only one to fall under Fluttershys puppy eyes.

“Oh alright, we can do the whole reservation thing but, if that spell ever wears off I want them gone!”

“That’s great! Here I got a whole spot picked out already!”

The two of them headed off back into the orchard and seeing how there was nothing better to do Dash joined as well. Meanwhile the rest of us and Spike (surprisingly not following Shy) started to make our way back home. It wasn’t a long walk to the end of the property but, once reached our little get together had to finally split.

“You know that was actually kinda fun!”

“Wasn’t it! You and Luna were super cool and that big Fluttershy in the sky was like the craziest thing I’ve seen in at least a week!”

“Although I wasn’t of much help and I do hate getting my hooves all dirty, that was an awfully fun time. Oh I’d hate this night to end so soon, would any of you perhaps be willing to maybe extend our little gathering at my place? Maybe a few glasses of wine?”

“Eugh, maybe if there’s anything besides wine”

Taking my hand with her hoof Luna’s eyes light up in excitement, “We must go! Please Joey, this is a perfect chance for us to do the bonding”

“Come on Joey! It’ll be fun!”

“Well Rarity, I’d love to. Spike you coming along or what?”

“Well… I guess it beats staying at home alone”

“You can’t back out now Joey! Everypony here is going! Come on, come on, come on, come o-“

“Pinkie cut it out ya goober I’ll go!” Threatening to pinch her side she’s nimble enough to dodge, running off in the direction of Rarity’s.

“Last one there’s a rotten egg!”

Taking one slow look at the rest of the girls I could tell they actually were thinking it over. “Please please please don’t start running”

“And get my coat even dirtier? I wouldn’t dare… be the last one there!” Taking off it’s a chain reaction sending the rest of the group off running expect for Luna.

“What? You think we would be interested in such a childish gimmick?”

“Yes”

“… may we?”

“*sigh* long as you don’t fly”

“Consider thyself the egg then!” And most certainly I was to be last.

Taking a few sips from my drink, I leaned back against the footrest behind me, enjoying the distant warmth of Rarity’s fireplace. Mixed with the cold marble floor I was at a happy medium, content with my situation like most the girls around me. Sprawled out around we still managed to form a circle, our attention currently on Twilight and her retelling of her time with Celestia. While it drew some curiosity for most, it caught the attention of a certain moonbutt princess more than anypony.

“She did not!”

“She did and it was only two days old!! It doesn’t even spoil that fast!”

“Of course not! Only a foal would believe so… which… thou were”

“It’s kind of embarrassing but, after that I really thought birthday cake spoiled in like two days. I used to try and eat it all the first day until I was like fourteen”

“Our sister must’ve ate the rest then and lied, strange. She did not always have such a weakness for sweets. I can only speculate what could have caused such a dramatic change” resting a hoof to her chin in thought, the rest of us shared a light laugh at Twilights story.

“Princess Celestia had the most delicate array of refreshments at the Grand Galloping Galla as well and as for the cake? Why I have never seen such beautiful cake since princess Cadance’s wedding”

“Oh jeez don’t remind me of that day”

“What’s a matter Joey? Everything worked out in the end”

“Yeah but that big nasty bug lady gave me the willies. There was something seriously wrong with her”

Trying her best to reassure Luna wrapped me with a wing, “Do not fret for we had vanquished that foe! The elements of harmony spare no villain, we personally would know”

“Hm… but, if you’re still here does that mean she could still be alive as well?”

Placing her drink down Twilight interrupted, “Luna I think I could explain for him. The elements purify evil so when it was used on Luna it only removed her worst intentions where as for Chrysalis, her very being was evil! Or at least that’s what I think. She was probably completely evil”

Still a little irked on how Luna returned still all evil and stuff I swallow down my curiosity deciding the conversation was likely uncomfortable for the mare wrapping me with a wing. I know I wouldn’t want to remember a time I tried to take over the word either.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear the lack of confidence at the end there”

There was a minute of pause following, the moment taken in by everypony involved. As sappy as it sounds there was feeling of safety engulfed around me, like I could relax and let my guard down. I felt so relaxed in fact that I was willing to change the subject to one considered as, gossip.

“Spike you uh… you and Shy courting each other?”

He spit out his soda completely unprepared, “Pfft- What!?”

With heart shaped eyes Rarity made sure to jump on the opportunity, “A splendid question and since we’ve already decided it’s okay to ask thanks to Joey I was curious myself for a long time now. So what’s the deets my little Spikey wikey? Have you found true loveeeeee?”

“Why am I suddenly being interrogated? Nopony else is being interrogated!”

“Interrogated? Dude I asked you one question”

“Yeah but its like a really really embarrassing one and… nopony else is being asked stuff like that!”

“If you asked me an embarrassing question and I answered, would that be enough to get an answer out of you?”

“Well I uh… I can’t just think of one out of the blue!”

Sensing I was losing the battle Rarity tagged herself in, “You’re not answering because you find Fluttershy unattractive are you? Shame Spikey! You know better!”

“I never said that! Fluttershy is really cute! She’s-… no! I am not doing this! I refuse to talk!”

“Ahhh what? Come on don’t be like that! We’re all friends here, nopony is going to tease you”

In anger he pointed right at me, “You will! Literally you!”

“He’s right, I would”

“Joey! Couldn’t it help for you to lie just this once?”

“Listen I’ve been yelled at all the time for lying alright so there’s no more secrets with me”

Seizing the moment Spike interposed, “What about what happened with you and Dash? How did that get all smoothed over huh?”

“Err.. uh you know… we talked. Like adults” removing my hand from the back of my neck it hits me then I had given off my tell.

“Why are you all nervous then! He’s keeping a secret! I know when he’s keeping a secret and he’s secret keeping!!!!”

Listen here you little shit, I’m the one that asks the questions!

I tired my best to keep my composure, “Course I am, I’m not going to tell everypony what was said between us. That would be rude to Dash”

Grinning wide Rarity licked her lips like a panther crouching over its pray, “Oh but aren’t we all friends here? Surely nopony would think any differently about the two of you if you indulged us”

Take a large swig of my drink I used the time to build up a defense, “Maybe but some things are better off private miss gossip”

Astounded she placed a hoof to her chest, “Miss gossip! Why… why I should-“

“Okay, okay Rarity! Maybe we’ve all pushed a teensy bit too far with this subject-“

Unfortunately Spike was still seeking blood, “If it’s better off private then you should understand my decision not to answer as well”

“Yeah but your thing-“

“Joey”

“Twilight please”

“No, absolutely not. You’re being disrespectful and I think you should apologize and let it go”

“But-“

“Joey…” Her eyes screamed ass whipping.

Scared I apologized quickly, “Sorry Spike for being an ass. I’ll leave ya be”

“Hm, this has been an awfully rambunctious outing. Is this how friends do the hang?”

“Oh god” I wanted to puke the instant that left her mouth.

Twilight handled it much better, giggling in response, “You mean hang out? Usually things get a little wild… specially at Rarity’s” She said the last part under her breath but, I still managed to pick it up.

“You’re lucky Dashie isn’t here! Actually consider it unlucky cause everypony more makes a party that much better!”

Waiting we all expect a reason for her first statement. We get none.

“Anyways Lu, don’t let these girly girls taint you into their whole gossip hour. Every time we ever hang out it turns into this big gush fest about-“

“He’s one of the more handsome stallions in Ponyville I should add-“ she’d already stopped listening, completely into Rarity’s tale.

“-romance…”

“So… how’s it going?” Spike had made is way over, understanding the situation.

We were men, we had to stick together in tough times like these.

“Tough”

“I get ya… I get ya”

The night went on and the fireplace remained lit yet some of its prior intensity seemed to had dulled. Embers sizzled away around the main fire giving a fair warning for the future to come but, the fire still raged on. My vision was hazy from a little too much fun but, I could still make out most the room even in the dark. Rarity had fallen asleep with Pinkie and Spike in tow. The three of them made a small pony pyramid all cuddled up on the couch close by. To my right Luna appeared awake and attentive, unsurprisingly. It was midnight, given away by a bright glow peeking from behind the curtains. Meanwhile to my left lay a tired Twilight, her curiosity the only crusader of the quest to stay awake.

“And *yawn* you only have to imagine the image in your head?”

Luna chuckled, “Sounds simple does it not?”

“Heh, yeah. A little too much”

“Why’s it hard then?”

“A good question my future king”

“Please don’t call me that”

“You see, there is difficulty in maintaining the concentration of a spell and when we use the word concentration we mean it in more than one way. There is both an art of concentrating and an art of applying the right amount of magic. The thing that makes illusionary magic so difficult is the required consistency”

“Uh… how do you like… magic? Is it like flexing a muscle or?”

“Hm.. it would be tough for us to explain given thy’s magic inaptitude”

“Oh I have magic, it just kills me”

Sadden by the joke she can’t help quickly glance to the collar around my neck, “I am sorry we could not find anything of use during our time spent away at the palace” disturbed, her face distorted to one of grief. “We failed you”

“Hey, woah woah woah, nopony failed anypony here Lu. Things just didn’t work out… and that’s how it goes sometimes”

“Y-you… you may live your entire life without cure, does this not bother you? Why do I feel like the only one upset?”

“Well it’s out of my hands. There’s no point really worrying if there’s nothing I can do”

“Thou does not worry? At all?”

Going to take a drink my lips found themselves dry against the glass. I was out.

“Luna.. please don’t worry when I say this. You too Twi-“ she was asleep when I looked. Her body was already curled in a little circle protected by her tail. “I worry all the time.. but I can’t… I can’t let you all worry with me. That wouldn’t be right” I struggled look her in the eyes, my face starting to feel hot.

In a hushed whisper she grabbed me, “We can find a cure! There has to be an explanation! We have all the clues we need I just.. I just know it. The only question is how to order them”

My breath was shaky as I could feel myself tilt over the edge, “Lu?”

“Yes?”

“I uh…. I d-don’t w-want to d-die…”

The room fell quiet. Quieter then even before. Quiet enough to hear the tears dripping from my face onto the cold marble below.

In an instant Luna ruffled her wings wrapping me with every thing she had. She hugged desperately, her own eyes becoming teary as well.

“We won’t let that happen. I promise”

“D-don’t promise… promises only have one purpose Lu…”

Kissing my forehead she buried me deep into her fur. Her warmth seeping inside, all the way to my very core. With a whisper in my ear she said enough to ease my anxious heart, “To be kept”

Morning came and I stirred awake from discomfort, terribly warm and sweaty. My face felt nearly on fire but, when I opened my eyes I was left only with hues of dark blue. A whole lotta blue to be exact and with further inspection, feathers? Then whammy like a truck it hit me and my face lit up red.

Ah jeez I looked like such a baby last night right in front of Luna! She’s the last pony I need worrying! How the hell am I supposed to make her not worry now?

*YAWN*

The sound nearby spooked me away from my feathery womb, instantly stumbling to hide my face.

“… ugh… Joey? What time is it? Is it morning?” Twilights voice was groggy and from the little amount of light from the windows I could tell she was feeling foggy.

“I’m pretty sure it is”

Luna remained at my waist completely asleep with matted fur where I once lay. Her muzzle carried a smile but her eyes heavy bags. She likely stayed up all night. In repayment I go to give a few scratches only to be surprised at just how hot her forehead is.

Ugh no wonder I’m so sweaty. Luna’s friken body is like a furnace

“Is everypony else asleep still?”

“Uhhh”

Looking myself, the whole gang remained sprawled across the room. Even the pony pile was separated with Spike taking refuge near the fireplace and Pinkie hanging upside down halfway off the couch. The only pony missing was Rarity.

“Rarity’s gone… probably sleeping in her room or something”

“Hm… wake me up in like another twenty minutes okay? Okay… thanks” with a plap she’s out again.

Alone, or at least metaphorically I sat awake bored. No one wants to be the first up after a sleepover and I was dealing with the consequences now. Struck with an urge to pee I try my best to shuffle quietly amongst the dead, carefully placing each step until escaping into the hall.

Still sweaty at least in the upper half, my feet cooled off quickly against the marble floor, a nice relief toward one of my issues. Now where was the bathroom? Left with no options beside left and right I tried my luck down the left half first.

Passing by several shut doors I started to wonder if I should be trying to open some and check inside. Sure there’s a possibility it’s a pony’s room but, there’s also the possibility I don’t pee my pants. Debating in my head on what to do by the time I reach the halls end I’m left with not a single open door. Whether at the fault of Rarity for closing every single damn door or my own not for asking Rarity last night where’s the bathroom, things started to get a little worrying the longer I walked. I wouldn’t actually piss myself would I?

I don’t know, wouldn’t be far from the norm after last nights cry fest

I shake my head smearing the bad vibes, “Oookay… lookin for the bathroom. Bathroom… bathroom. Hey there’s everypony sleeping again, great… great. Where the fuck is the bathroom?”

“Joey?”

Spinning around Rarity stood there rubbing away at her eye. Her mane was a frizzy mess and her fur awfully matted. Felt strange seeing her so natural.

“Rarity where’s your bathroom?”

“Huh? Oh…. it’s that door right behind you. Are you the only one up?”

Making sure it was indeed the bathroom I opened the door, “Oh thank god and yeah just me”

Smacking her lips she shrugged, “Mkay… I think I’ll get started on making breakfast for everypony. You mind waking the other up soon for me?”

“Sure”

Hit with a sweet release I took a second to wash my face after as well. Drying with a towel the man staring back at me from the mirror left me feeling reminiscent. My lightening scar ran down across the left side of my face still and disappeared some within my patchy beard. It was fuller then I’d ever let it grow before yet still not much to show. My hair meanwhile had grown long since my last cut, the curls sprawling down to my eyebrows in a nightmarish spill. It definitely wasn’t a normal look at least for a human but, thankfully these ponies didn’t seem to mind my laziness.

“We’ve looked worst”

Still admiring my looks my eyes drift to the worn collar at my neck. Both a lifesaver and a curse. It was also a symbol of the mystery going on within me, something I still hadn’t quite figured out. Thinking back to last night at what Luna had said it did beg the question if we already had enough evidence. Sure we found the cause but, how much did we really know about the guy? We didn’t even know he was human! What if everything we knew to this point was a lie?

Spending too much time already in the bathroom I chose to bring up these questions later. Taking one step outside I nearly trip over what’s waiting for me.

“Oof, Pinkie?”

“Move! I gotta pee!!” With lightening speed she shuts the door behind her.

*SLAM*

“Sorry for hogging the bathroom! Didn’t know you were there!”

“Can’t hear you, I’m peeeeeeeing!”

“Alright didn’t need to hear that”

Back in Rarity’s living room most of the others had already woken up. The only pony left sleeping Luna, her slumbering form still in the exact position I last saw.

“Morning Twi”

“Morning” with a heavy frown I could tell she was missing her morning coffee.

Placing my hand back to Luna’s head I start to wonder if it’s okay for her to be this hot.

“Twilight you mind checking if Luna feels hot to you?”

Tilting her head she doesn’t take long to scoot over, “This isn’t a joke for you to say how attractive she- wait you think she might have a fever?”

“I hope not”

“Woah, she’s burning up!”

Worried I shook her gently, “Lu, you gotta wake up, come on”

Grumbling at the rude awakening her face was fast to flush red. In an instant she moved a hoof to shield her eyes.

“Ugh… we feel terrible”

“Luna I think you have a fever if that’s even possible”

“Our brain is splitting!”

Ignoring Luna, Twilight was all for giving a quick lesson, “Alicorns are like any other pony when it comes to most stuff. We can get sick, poisoned, injured. Even if we don’t age that doesn’t mean we can’t die”

Moaning nearby Luna grabbed me with a hoof, “Such fitting a conversation for us… please do us the favor of ending it”

“Sorry Lu, uh.. let me get you a water”

“Please”

Scampering off I made my way down the hall in the direction of an awfully pleasant smell, eventually coming upon the kitchen. With apron properly wrapped around and an exhausted expression, Rarity stood swirling her coffee.

“Why you’re here early. I haven’t even started yet”

“Could I um… where do you keep your glasses? Also could I maybe take a towel from your bathroom as well? I think Luna might have caught a cold or something and I wanted to get her a water and a wet towel to cool her down”

“She caught a cold? Oh this is probably my fault! I knew I should’ve brought out the air mattress! Ponies can’t sleep on that cold floor all night and not expect to catch a cold, my goodness what a klutz!”

Stepping by I search through her cupboards, “Rare it’s fine but where do you keep your glasses?”

“Sorry, uh that cupboard up top to your right” I grab a tall glass, filling it from the faucet. “You said it was Luna who caught a cold?”

“Yeah… she’s not feeling too well”

Fiddling with her hooves she suddenly stomped the floor in decision nearby nearly causing me to drop the glass, “I am responsible for my guests and I have completely failed my new friend! Breakfast can wait, Luna needs our help” Taking the water with her magic she trotted pass back in the direction of the others. “Grab a clean hoof towel from the bathroom while we head back”

Doing as suggested I grab, soak, and wring out a towel as fast as I can quickly joining back with the girls. By the time I returned Twilight and Rarity had already began to help Luna get comfortable, moving her to the coach with her ice cold water. Getting behind I gently laid the towel across her forehead.

“That feel okay?”

“Tremendous”

Twi took me aside for a moment worried, “Joey she’s really sick. I think you and Pinkie should head home soon and get her in bed. She can’t stay on Rarity’s couch like this”

“Damn, is there anything I should be cautious about? Any pony things that only ponies would know? Stuff about colds?”

“Uh none that I can’t think of. She should have a temperature around 99.5 if she wasn’t sick so watch for that”

“How do I know if she needs to go to the hospital? Is there a specific temperature for that?”

“I don’t know, I’m not a doctor Joey. If she keeps getting worse you can take her in but, usually alicorn immune systems are pretty strong. I wouldn’t worry too much”

“Alright… where’s Pinkie? I’m going to need her help getting home if I’m going to have to carry Luna”

“Um… I don’t know, I haven’t seen her in a few minutes”

“This is ludicrous! We are an alicorn! An alicorn! No small cold could stop us from achieving our goal!” Luna shouted loudly behind us. “We are the night! We are immortal!”

“Is she delirious?”

Swinging her hooves wildly at Rarity she remained flat against the couch, too tired to move. “Joey! Please help me, she’s getting violent” Rarity snapped.

“Looks like I oughta get going, I’ll send you a parchment if she gets any worse”

“Alright, keep me in touch”

Approaching the sick little tyrant pouting on the couch, her eyes sparkled in excitement once she spotted my face. Her muzzle was a deep red and her eyes clearly unfocused.

“Our king! We have been looking for you!” Going to get up her legs betray her almost immediately. “Oof, this is but a small step back. We must retreat to our lair and prepare for a second attack!”

Chuckling at her antics I scooped her up over my shoulder, “Yes my queen, let I, your stead carry you back to the palace”

“Hm perfect. We could not have came up with a better approach ourself. Onward!”

With a low whisper as I passed Twilight I asked for a favor, “Can you transfer her back to her disguise? I can’t exactly walk through town with princess Luna over my shoulder”

“Oh heh, that probably wouldn’t be good” and with a swoosh and purple glow Luna was that of Lulu Moonlight once more.

“Who has changed our appearance? Who was it!?”

I started to make my way out, heading for the front door. “One of your advisors my queen, to hide your appearance from the enemy”

“Hm, a well thought idea. Tell us of their name on our return so that they shall be compensated for their dedication to the crown”

“Yes my queen”

Honestly, besides having to play nurse, this might turn out to be a little fun

But as I reached for the door it swung open away from my hand with Pinkie as it’s cause.

“Oh hey Pinkie, we gotta-“

“Help AppleJack with her farm, I know! Her apples are still dying!”

“What?”

“I gotta tell the rest of the girls! I’ll see you there!”

“Pinkie wait I need… your help aaand she’s gone”

Kicking against me Luna yelled, “What stills you? We must retreat with haste!” I could only exhale knowing somehow this day was going to get worse.

“Remain in bed? But we must lead the frontlines! We are essential to the war!”

“Yep but your more essential to me so spoil me and stay here while I get you another towel”

“You cannot confine us here forever!”

“I can and I am so muh” sticking my tongue out she doesn’t appreciate the gesture, squirming harder under the covers.

“Return to our bedside at once and apologize!”

“I can’t hear you! Too far away!”

“A cretin! Blasphemous spewing chimp!”

“Woah hey! That’s border line speciest!”

“Thou can hear us!”

Returning with a new towel I thankfully don’t have to fight her again like the last one, putting it against her still steaming head.

“Jeez your still burning up. Is there any kind of medicine ponies have for stuff like this? Some sort of magic cure?”

Returning her face to a more serious one it seemed the act was up, “Unfortunately the only remedy for colds that exist would be that of an allergy med or pain killer. Very pathetic given our medical advances in other fields but, that is my opinion. Do not ask more unless you wish to get us going, I could rant over this topic for hours”

“Then you want me to head to the store and get you something? I don’t think we have any pain killers around the house if I'm going to be honest. Last time I went to purchase cough syrup, the mare behind the desk practically wanted a background check and it wasn’t worth the trouble”

“Our policies are strict around medications. We wouldn’t want the wrong ponies getting their hooves on prescription meds would we?”

“Cough syrup?”

“We never said we agreed it was necessary, I only was speaking for our sister”

“Celly does come off as an overbearing mother at times doesn’t she?”

“Would you believe if I told you she once attempted to give us a curfew? Me, the princess of the night” her dead expression only furthered her honesty.

“Heh that’s actually kinda funny”

Giggling along she scooted back into my bed trying her best to get comfortable. “We overhead Pinkie earlier… we believe you should go”

“And here I thought you really were having delusions”

She doesn’t budge, “Joey, we are serious. Our senses tell us there is odd play at hoof, something… unnatural”

“But what about you? I can’t leave you like this”

“Pfft, we are plenty old enough to take care of ourself. Much as it would delight us to be catered by thou it would be unwise for me to bind you here”

“Lu what could I possibly bring to help them out that they don’t already have? I’m a liability more then half the time”

“You bring plenty wether it be from your wits or your alien perspective. Ponies struggle to think realistically and morbid, things you oddly seem to do with relative ease. It’s with this perspective thou might help avoid a worse fate for the others”

“That didn’t feel like a compliment”

“We find it pleasantly exotic if you ask us” she winked.

“I don’t know if that made things any better”

“Just… go help with the others, they need your reasoning. Otherwise their answers will fall between sunshine and rainbows and we would hate to see the result of that”

Hesitant I make my way for the door stopping to say one last thing, “Lu if you start to feel worse send me a letter alright? I’ll bring the parchment just in case”

“Yes, yes now hurry off. I’ll be napping in the meantime”

“Alright… but what if-“

“Sleeping!”

“Lu-“

“We are sleeping!”

“Alright, I’ll go!”

Back to the scene of the crime, evidence of last nights slaughter cover the orchard grounds. There wasn’t an apple in sight untouched almost the entire way until the farmhouse where the rest of the group currently stood. As I approached it appeared there was already heated discussion. Apple Jack stood angry with her hat removed while Shy stood firm, her resolve in stone. I had to budge Dash for an answer.

“Huh? Oh what’s up big guy? You heard what happened?”

“Nah fill me in”

“The bats are still eating apples! That spell didn’t do anything”

Shy didn’t hesitate to defend, “It’s not the bats! We already proved they stopped eating apples last night. Even you know that’s true Dash you were there”

“Maybe it wore off? I mean what else could be eating them huh? A pony? Some mysterious apple bandit? Ponyville might have some weirdos but, I don’t know about one that eats apples all night”

I couldn’t argue with that logic and with no pony else stepping forward offering an explanation it seemed the most likely. “Sorry Shy but, I think Dash might be right. There really isn’t another possibility besides the bats”

“They wouldn’t! I just know they wouldn’t. You don’t have to trust them but, could you girls at least trust me?”

“Cmon Shy, don’t make it like that. You know we trust you”

Not budging from her stance it takes Twilights reassuring touch to pull things together, “I trust you Shy but, you have to understand why it has to be the bats. Unless you have another solution?”

“Well… um…” stumbling for an answer her little knight in shining armor was there to bail her out.

“What if we did a stakeout!”

“A stakeout! I love stakeouts! I’ll go get lanterns for everypony but, you girls will have to bring your own snacks. I’m not a miracle worker” ecstatic, Pinkie bolted off in a cloud of smoke once again.

“A stakeout!? Spike we just spent the night at Rarity’s! I think I’d like to get at least one nights sleep before I go staying up late again. Plus I still feel kinda yucky from last night” Holding a hoof to her head Twilight was still dealing with a migraine.

“It’s one more night Twilight, I'm sure will figure it out if we do it”

With Luna sick at home I was more on Twilights side, “Couldn’t Apple Jack stay up herself one night and watch the orchard? I don’t mean to sound selfish or rude but, if it’s just monitoring it shouldn’t take all of us”

“Are you kiddin? My orchard is enormous! I can’t possibly cover the whole darn thing by myself. That be as pointless as teeth on a chicken!”

“I like the idea”

Of course you do Flutters

“Ugh fine let’s vote”

“But sweetie, Pinkie already left. Shouldn’t we wait for her vote?”

“Rarity sweetie, she left because she thought we were already doing this. Her votes a yes and mines a no”

“Then it’s three yes and two no”

“Who’s the other no?”

“I literally complained about wanting to sleep, who do you think?”

“Jeez alright no need to get feisty. I vote yeah”

Twilight rolled her eyes, “Dash’s vote makes it unfortunately four to two in favor of yes. Apple Jack?”

“Uh well I really want this solved as soon as possible so I guess I’m a yes too”

Duuuuuuuude! Fuck!”

“Well that settles it anyway. Guess it’s another long night” splitting up the girls made their ways back home to prepare however, Twilight first made her way over to me hoping to walk together. “How’s Luna?”

“When I left her she seemed pretty good. If it were up to me I would’ve rather stayed home tonight instead and watched over her but, you know how the girls get when there’s an opportunity to solve a mystery. Fuck… at times it feels like I’m in the fucking mystery machine with Scoob and the gang”

Confused on what a mystery machine was or who was Scoob, she brushed over the two rubbing my hand with her head as she passed, “I’m not for it either but, we should cherish these opportunities while we have them”

Grumpy I couldn’t get my way I frowned, “I guess”

“Don’t be like that. Watch, it’ll probably be fun”

“Better be”

She couldn’t suppress her giggle at my childish behavior, “Thanks for being a good sport about it”

“… I want a back massage next time we meet”

“What? I don’t know how to do that. Ask Pinkie to, shes good at those”

“She is but, now I want one from you”

“But, it wasn’t even my idea to do this!” I tried my best to frown even harder, squishing my face into a ball of grump. “Why are you getting even… even more..” she couldn’t keep herself from busting into laughter at my never ending frown.

“Me want massage” I stomped.

“Alright ya big dork I’ll try my best next time your over. There, happy?”

If smiles could sparkle, “Thanks Twi!”

“Such a dork”

By the time I got home Pinkie had what we needed already so I spent most my time at Luna’s side, occasionally changing her towel or giving small talk. Not surprising, staying in bed all day isn’t very fun.

“While our headache has subsided I have sweated my fair share for a lifetime. I do apologize for the mess I have made with your bed”

Oh there’s such a good joke here

I played with her mane, curling a strand with my finger. It was one of my favorite things to do with pony hair and the opportunity didn’t present itself often. “It’s fine Lu, don’t worry about it”

“We would joke about the messing of your bed in another context but, this mood doesn’t feel quite right”

“I was actually thinking about making a joke too”

She spared a giggle booping me with her snout, “Like minded are we? Why who better fit for a king”

“Oh god were not pushing that thing again are we?”

“Think of all the exciting paperwork! The delegations! Tis a wonderful position if we must say so”

“If it’s so good why give it up?”

“W-well… because… I am generous! Inspired by Miss Rarity during our late party, she is true to the name you know” she gives her best sales pitch, ending with an awkward smile. One funny enough to burst into actual cheerfulness at my laughter. “I kid, I kid. I wouldn’t ever force such a thing upon you”

“I know you wouldn’t Lu, don’t worry about scaring me away cause of some.. possible responsibility. I honestly don’t think your sister would even allow that. She’s seems pretty rigid about certain things”

“Yes, like what is the greatest cake flavor” she waited for me to finish chuckling before she continued again. “Tell us, what is it that occurred back at that orchard? Did we not solve the issue?”

Thinking back I scratched my beard in thought, not really sure what went wrong, “Apparently not. AJ woke up to a bunch more dead apples so something’s killing them. Plan is to apparently do a stakeout and find out what’s happening”

“A stakeout under the stars, what a pleasant idea. I am awfully jealous we must miss such an opportunity… unless?” Raising an eyebrow she peered to me for exception.

“No”

“We feel fine”

You know I might have believed her if not for the exhausted expression across her face. That combined with the visible sweat and baggy eyes? You might mistake her for a body risen from the grave.

“Lu you’re sicker than shit”

“Firstly, shit does not sicken. Secondly-“

“You need a bath and some sleep. Come on, let’s get you up before I have to leave again”

Blushing she pulled back the bedsheets from my hand, “We are not a foal! I can bathe myself on my own!”

“I never said I was going to bathe you goofball, funny where your mind goes”

Completely flustered her brain stumbled for a reply, “We… thou…”

“Lu cmon, you can be cute after the bath too. Let’s go”

Not resisting she slowly got up and leaked out of bed. Her legs wobbled at first but when I went to help she flashed an angry look forcing me to just watch along. Her anger soon however, quickly turned to embarrassment once we reached the bathroom, her eyes falling upon the tub.

“We um… c-could potentially require… thou’s help” definitely unexpected I couldn’t hide my own blush immediately drawing her to backpedal. “Only if we ask I mean! Just… stay near… please. I feel sorta lightheaded”

“Should I leave the door open and wait outside or?”

“We would prefer if you closed the door… and stayed inside as well” even a little peek for confirmation was enough to set her off again, “We are courting one another are we not? Besides… it is nothing but a bath” yet her bright red face said otherwise.

“You’re right. This isn’t a big deal at all and it shouldn’t be. You ponies are naked all the time anyway. Why should a little water and a tub make things weird?”

“Exactly! Now do you mind starting the water for us? I am unsure how to… start such a foreign device” fiddling with the levers I made my way around to help start the tub.

“This way makes it hot and this way makes it cold”

“How come the cold is also the direction of off? This makes no sense! Who constructed such a design?”

“Have you never used a tub before?”

“Of course we have but I usually use the palace's bathhouse if you remember”

“How could I forget. You literally fainted”

With the memory rushing back her fading blush became enriched with color again. “Please forget of that! We were simply overwhelmed! You too would have feinted given the roles reversed!”

"Wait, then where have you been bathing since you've been staying here?"

She replied unwavering, "The palace bathhouse"

"You flew back every time?"

"No! We.. used our magic. But we are too tired now to cast such a complicated spell and that is the only reason we would allow this... situation we find ourselves in"

"Suuurrreeee, not like the idea of having a big strong stallion wash you down had any persuasion" my large grin that followed appeared to only raise her frustration.

"T-there is another in this household!" she whispered loudly. "Have you no shame?"

"Pinkie teases me like that all the time in public, she wouldn't care at all"

Then from across the house Pinkie's yell was heard, "Its true!"

"See?"

"Just!... *sigh* We are pathetic”

Deflating in stature, Luna's flat ears caused me to stop and shut the door. I had gone a little too far completely forgetting how damaged this poor mare really was. Given her often times harden exterior and witty comebacks it almost seemed impossible. Shutting off the water she went to enter but, was stopped by my hug.

"Hey I'm sorry Lu, I'll stop teasing ya"

"I am an awful consort"

"What makes you say that?"

"...our sheepish behavior" looking to see my still confused face she goes on, "Most couples would have at the very least done... 'it' by now. We must be galling in comparison to Pinkie"

Going limp in my arms it breaks my heart to hear her so down on herself again. And here I thought she was getting better.

"Don't say that, you're not doing anything wrong. Here, how about this" I gestured toward the tub. "You hop in and while I scrub your coat I'll tell you exactly why you're wonderful. How's that sound?"

She doesn't argue, only shrugging her shoulders in response. Slowly with a guided hand I helped her over the tubs ledge and with caution she lowered herself into the water. It wasn't very hot but, that was by design. I wasn't exactly sure if it was safe to take a hot bath with a fever so I settled with room temperature. Luna appeared to not mind at all keeping her upset expression as she rested patiently. Not until the sponge pressed against her back did the blush return.

"Is this okay?" She hummed back in delight.

"We could… get used to this"

The house remained dull for the most part, the only interruption an occasional sound from Pinkie or the water swishing from Luna’s movement. It was tranquil, easing on my nerves, easy to relax. If not for the task at hand I might even fall asleep.

“You know I love you right?”

“… of course”

“Then why do you imagine I think so lowly of you? I didn’t take up your offer to date just because you’re a pretty face ya know. You’re an amazing pony… one I want in my life”

“W-we wish that as well b-but… I almost feel undeserving of you. Why should a broken nightmare like us receive any care?”

“Lu you made a mistake it happens-“

“Yes and it almost costed everything!” Stunned by her shout I paused for a moment before continuing the scrubbing once more. “Sorry.. it is difficult for me to find peace even with it surrounding us. It feels wrong”

“Thousand years in isolation probably does that. No one is built to handle that alone. You’re body is used to that pain, comfortable with it”

“So we lash out”

“At least that’s my guess why”

“Plausible…”

“It’s not like you’ll feel this way forever, I’m sure after enough pampering things will feel right as rain”

Spinning to face me her eyes shinned with hope, lit from the many stars floating within. I could only describe their appearance as magical.

“Do you truly believe that?”

Smiling I pecked her on the forehead, careful to dodge her horn, “Of course”

Things went silent again while the constant scrubbing wished her to slumber. Barely awake she stirred.

“As pleasant as this has been it must come to an end or we might find ourself drowning within your tub”

“I saw you were getting kinda wobbly” Her face broke a smile warming up the inside of my chest. I got her back to smiling.

“Would you be a gentlecolt and help dry me off as well? As minor as a drying spell might be we would like to avoid any unnecessary headaches right now” I help her out with a towel and begin, unable to hold back my laughter at a intrusive thought. “What? What is so funny?”

“An elaborate scheme, Luna’s master plan to get rubbed” Instead of blushing she joined laughing as well, hugging me with a tackle.

“Dah you’re all wet still! Luna my shirt!”

“Ha! A shame, should we soak the rest of thou to help ease the burden?”

“Luna please!”

“Okay, okay, we have had our fun”

Now soaked I grumpily continued, “.. yeah you did”

After drying her off and laughing at how fluffy her coat turned out she made her way back to bed. Pinkie being kind, changed the covers while she bathed as well leaving the room with a fresh scent of bubblegum soap. With a tuck and a kiss I made my way to the door.

“Have a good night sleepy”

“You as well! Make sure to catch the culprit and tell us in the morning”

“That’s the plan. Love ya”

“As do we love you. Be safe”

Closing the door behind me I spot Pinkie waving to me from down the hall, “Come on I got all your gear at the door”

“Gear? What more do we need then a couple lanterns?”

“Let’s see.. I packed snacks, couple waters, a lantern, first aid kit, a sleeping bag, a board game, some cider-“

“Pinkie we don’t need all this” grabbing only the lantern I started tying my shoes. “Plus I doubt this is going to take long anyway”

Watching me toss the bag aside she nearly feinted, “The gear!”

“Come on, we probably have everypony waiting on us”

“Who’s fault is that mister I like rubbing mares down in the tub” smirking I could tell she was just jealous. It was the eyes that gave it away.

“Don’t be jelly cause it wasn’t you”

“Jelly?! Me?! … no” She rubbed a hoof in the ground shyly, not willing to admit.

“I’ll give you a massage when we get back, how’s that?”

“Really? Oh boy, this is going to be the fastest most quickest stakeout anypony has ever staked!” Practically diving out the door she stopped to wave me on. “We gotta go we’re late!”

Darkened by a crescent moon most of the orchard remain shrouded in black. Considering the lack of light pollution as well with Sweet Apple Acres being on the outskirts of town, the only area either of us could see was the ground around us lit from our lanterns. Carrying her own in her mouth Pinkie wasn’t much for conversation, instead using physical clues to guide me on where the others might be. In these conditions combined with a lack of animal enhanced senses, I was as useful as a child.

What was useful however, was spotting one of the other lights from afar, it’s lone flicker a beacon against the abyss. It didn’t take long to make our way over.

“Hey who’s-“

“AHHHHHH!” The high pitch screech nearly deafened me for life.

Covering my ears I shouted back, “Fuckin chill, it’s me and Pinkie!”

Grasping her chest Rarity simmered down, “Heavens! I didn’t know it was you two! Ugh this has been a horrible night already!”

Pinkie tilted her head in confusion only looking back to me as to question, “Why’s wat?”

“A batpony! That’s what! There’s a pony flying around hissing with fangs!”

“A watwony? Whaaaaaaat?”

“Rarity there’s no such thing as a batpony… right? That’s not like an actually thing? Like Bigfoot or aliens… wait I’m an alien… never mind what I said. Where’s everypony else?”

“Uh I don’t know, we split up only a few minutes ago but, I’ve been running around getting chased by that monster. Thank Celestia you two arrived when you did”

“Sorry we were a little late. I guess stick with us and let’s find the others. Maybe they’ve seen this batpony too”

“Y-you really believe me?”

“At this point I’ll believe just about anything you mares say. Equestria follows no logic whatsoever”

Pinkie giggled at my reasoning, a complete one eighty to when I first arrived, “Wair enough”

“Yeah fair enough, you’re literally the biggest lack of logic there is!”

Trying to defend herself Pinkie completely forgot about the lantern in her mouth dropping it with a yell, “Am not- oops!” Not shattering, it did flip over losing its light with a swoosh.”Sorry bout that, let me just… give it a light and bam!”

Restoring the brightness around us back to normal, it’s when I look over Pinkies head do I see a large figure hanging above. Draped in large bat like wings, the yellow creature leaned close nearly face to face with Pinkie until she slowly turned to face it.

“AHHHHH BATPONY! EVERYPONY RUN FOR THERE LIVES!”

Now normally I wouldn’t run in situations like these but the poor visibility added with Pinkies shout literally bring the hairs on my arms to a stand, my feet started moving on their own. Joining in on the ‘who can bust Joeys eardrums first’ challenge Rarity spent a good solid minute straight yelling all the way through the orchard until we finally stopped for a rest. Catching my breath I soon realize we were down two lanterns, the only remaining one in my hands.

“W-where are either of your lanterns?! Also Rarity how did you even lose yours?!”

“You saw the beast! I panicked! Can’t a mare panic anymore without being considered too emotional?!”

“You had it in your magic! Like how… Pinkie are you alright?” Sitting between us she was white as a ghost gasping for each breath. “Take slower breaths, in… and out”

Eventually with both Rarity and I reassuring her she settled, “I-I nearly peed myself!”

“Least you’ve calmed down. Last thing we need is for somepony to feint. Speaking of which where’s Fluttershy? She isn’t out here is she?”

Rarity only shook her head, “She insisted on coming. We told her to stay by the farm house but, it was too much for her to stay alone. I can only hope she hasn’t run into the same trouble as us”

Given the brief peace and our new discovery I had a second to collect my thoughts, “You girls thinking what I’m thinking about that monster?”

“It’s disgusting?”

“It was huge… and scary!”

“Huh? No! I was thinking it’s gotta be the problem with Apple Jacks farm. I bet that thing is like a master or something to all the bats. Like a vampire”

“A vampony!?”

“Sure”

“Don’t be silly, vamponies don’t exist. I’m sure once we find Fluttershy she will have a perfectly good explanation on what creature it might be”

Trying her best to appear composed I could see Rarity was still rattled. Pinkie didn’t seem to be in much better shape meaning there was only one thing left to do.

“We gotta regroup with others. Is there like a plan you girls had before we got here or?”

“Plan? Oh yes… well… we were supposed to stick together at the very least, heheh”

“Why don’t we go back to the farm house? I bet the others will have to eventually”

“I agree with Pinkie, what about you?”

Rarity almost looked offended by the question, “And get out of this scary orchard and the dark? By all means lead the way”

So left with no choice but to head deeper into the orchard toward the center I led the way with our last light. Thankfully things were uneventful all the way up to the point we reached her pole barn, it’s doors already open revealing a large tarp covered object. Nopony else was here leaving me to my curiosity.

“What’s this?”

“That would be this years biggest harvest for a competition Apple Jack was talking about. It’s quite a spectacle”

Taking a peek it was indeed a spectacle, rather an impossibility, a monstrosity. There resting inside her barn was the biggest apple I’d ever seen or likely ever will. It had to have been at least eight feet tall and six feet wide and with the glossy shine it gave from the exposed light it felt almost too perfect to touch.

“Why’s it all exposed like this? Isn’t Apple Jack worried about the bats eating it?”

“That’s the funny thing heh… you see we were supposed to draw out whatever was eating the apples with it and capture it but, Apple Jack was a little… hesitant”

“Best she was willing to do was open the doors huh?”

Sitting atop the massive fruit Pinkie shouted down to us, “I wouldn’t want to use it either! Imagine the apple pie you could make with this puppy”

Drawn either from Pinkies yelling or from the light a few crunches came from outside. Like hoofsteps they came closer but were dispersed of any danger with the sound accompanying.

“Rarity are you in there?”

“Yes! It’s me, Joey, and Pinkie!”

Poking in from the entrance Twilight made her way to us with her lantern floating nearby. Right behind her joined Dash and AJ as well sharing looks of discomfort. They were battered and dirty themselves but, other than that free of any injuries.

“Thank goodness! I was worried when we split up and we couldn’t find you. Somehow Dash and AJ managed to find me pretty quick but, how did you three manage to get together?”

“We happened to see Rarity’s lantern when we strolled up and headed over but, that doesn’t really matter. Have you girls seen that big fucking bat?”

“Was it yellow?”

“Yeah! It was massive! It nearly kissed me it was so close but, it didn’t so I’m okay”

“She’s not exaggerating thing was massive for a bat”

“Hehe yeah.. how do I explain this?” Shuffling in place unsure what to say next, Apple Jack stepped forward.

“That bat ain’t a bat”

“It’s not?”

“Course it was, it had fangs and everything!” Rarity nodded in agreement.

“If y’all ain’t gunna believe that then ya definitely won’t believe what I’m about to tell you next. It’s Fluttershy”

“Flutter. Shy? Thee Flutter?”

“Yeah! And she looks like a bat too! We can take you to her, we just found her”

“No thanks! I’ve had just about enough of this craziness for one night. I’m sure you girls can figure the rest of this out yourselves!”

Going to leave the doors shut with a touch of purple magic stopping Rarity in her tracks.

“Nopony is going anywhere until we fix this”

I still had my doubts, “Your certain it’s Fluttershy?”

“Need to see it to believe it?”

“Kinda.. actually no I don’t. It’s probably true”

“Wow I uh didn’t expect you to believe us. You’re normally the last one to convince”

“Yeah well I’ve constantly been proven wrong so might as well go with the wind at this point. Seems to be the way this boat floats”

Twi turned a little bummed, upset at the missed opportunity, “Oh… that kinda sucks we were kinda hoping to show you all. It’s not everyday you get to see a vampony and there was a couple cool things I wanted to show you as well…”

“Oh well if that’s the case we can still go”

“No, it’s too late now. We can just go over the plan”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to… ruin that for you. Things have been kinda wild and I figured maybe I should switch things up and-“

“No.. no no. No need to explain yourself it’s fine”

“Can we just fix Fluttershy so I can stop worrying about my darn farm?!”

With a yawn Dash stretched her one good wing behind her, “Yeah, I’m getting pretty tired”

Jumping down Pinkie patted me on the back, “Yeesh, you really sucked the energy out the room didn’t you”

“I was trying to be more trusting!”

“Anyways the original plan was to use Luna to project that big apple that’s behind you but, seeing how she’s sick we’re going to have to use the real thing at this point”

“Can’t we find another way to get her? Maybe like using yer magic to wrap her up and then fix her?”

“I’m still pretty drained from last night, I don’t know if I could use both a restrain spell and use a purification spell. It feels a little too risky”

“Could Rarity hold her down?”

“Sorry I don’t exactly know a spell for that. I could make her look prettier though if that helps?”

“It doesn’t. Dash bring somepony with you to draw Fluttershy this way and by the time you get back hopefully we’ll have this thing outside”

“And what do we do when she spots it?”

“Apple Jack can lasso her, right?”

“Uh I guess but, doesn’t that feel a little risky for my apple? What if she still gets a bite of it?”

Smiling Twilight responded carefree, “Then don’t let her bite it”

Taking a good long look at me I could tell Dash had decided, “Come on big guy. No pony is better at finding danger then you”

“That’s comforting”

“Hey JoJo! Don’t try and be a hero okay? It might be Shy but she was still scary. Even made my Pinkie sense go off and that means danger!”

“Don’t worry, if there’s any danger I’ll throw Dash behind me and get away”

”I can hear you”

“Okay that works! Be safe!”

Joining up with the less then enthusiastic Dash we made our way back into the orchard.

“See that? That’s her”

Flipped upside and with looks that could kill the little shy mare known as Fluttershy was no more. In replace a horror mixed between half pony half bat. Spotting us approaching she instinctively stretched out her thin wings revealing her dangerous fangs as well. Silhouetted her wings spanned farther then my own wingspan.

“Yeesh… kinda hot”

“J-Joey! Come on dude that’s hehe pretty gross”

“I kid I kid but, how we gonna get her down? She’s like twenty feet up there”

“If my stupid friken wing wasn’t broken I would just fly up there and wrestle her down”

Stumped a little I tired throwing an apple her way which she promptly batted back with ease.

“I’m telling you what’s not happening, I’m not climbing up there to get her”

“This is stupid then! Twilight should’ve done this, she’s the last one with working wings!”

“Then why didn’t you pick Twilight?!”

“…”

“You think she can even understand us?”

“Hey yo Shy come down here we got uh a cute rabbit down here”

“That’s not going to work she’s all bat mode right now, here let me try. Flutters! Get down here there’s a huge watermelon just sitting here, somepony apparently forgot it!”

She still didn’t budge, yawning and settling in for a nap instead.

“Poop! Why did you pick me to help? I’m like the least capable at physical tasks”

“I thought you might have a good idea to get her down seeing how you always come up with crazy plans. Honestly I didn’t think that far ahead”

“Yeah clearly cause Twilight easily could’ve flew up there and snatched her”

“Twilight snatching a pony? She couldn’t even lift a pony if she tried, specially with her flying”

“Well I could try throwing you up there if you’d prefer that”

“You couldn’t lift a pony either with those long skinny arms”

“They aren’t skinny, your standards are just higher cause you’re just fat!”

“Dude there’s not a mare with better physique then me in Ponyville”

“That’s probably… look we’re wasting time is there anything you girls did earlier that got her attention?”

“Uhhh not really. We sorta just stumbled into her and she started flying around hissing. Once she flew up onto that tree she didn’t do much after”

“Maybe it’s cause she’s full”

“I don’t know, there’s only so much juice in one apple”

Stumped on what to do next I started looking around for literally anything that might help. A couple of baskets, an outhouse, apple trees. Shit beside me and Dash there wasn’t a damn thing out here besides apples!

“Wait! I got an idea”

“Yeah?”

“What if we get a bunch of apples, like a fuck ton and stuff em in one of those baskets to lure her down?”

“Why wouldn’t she come down for just any apple then?”

“Why would Twilight think she’d come down for the big one?”

“… so you think a bunch of apples will be too tempting to pass up?”

Rushing off to grab the basket I started scooping nearby fallen apples, “Eh more or less hope they will”

Deciding to help out as well Dash took a nearby apple, it’s squished core making it appear more raisin like then anything. Quick to drop it she wiped her hoof in disgust, “Most of these apples are kinda gross though. You think we should grab these ones too?”

“Yeah, it’ll save time and I’m sure she can’t tell from a distance anyway”

“Alllright but if this doesn’t work your climbing that tree”

So we began filling our basket while Flutterbat spent her time snoozing away. Whether it be rotten or fresh we gathered them all, at least tossing the fresh ones to the top in case she would notice. Not five minutes later we stood back at the tree base looking up to our sickly friend. I took the basket from my side lifting it above my head.

“Alright you shout to get her attention and I’m going to start running when you say so alright? Tell me if she follows”

“Gotcha. Ahem, FLUTTERS LOOK AT ALL THESE APPLES WE GOT!”

With a dash I was off running back down the hill back toward the farm yet a lack of Dash’s approval slowed me down. “She didn’t foll-?” With a leap and glide her red eyes began to rapidly approach, piercing my very soul. “Oooooo shit!”

Channeling my inner Jesse Owens I ran as fast as I could only the swooshing of her large wings became more apparent by the second. With the pole barn in sight and the others surrounding it, it looked as if everything was actually going to work. Until I tripped. Spilling apples across the dirt and the basket flying in front of me, Shy pounced down with jaguar like quickness. Without thinking I rushed over grabbing her with both arms, holding her back against my stomach which in return rewarded a sharp pain across my forearm.

I gritted my teeth in frustration, “Rgh fuck!”

“Do you got her?”

“Yeah I fuckin got her. Did she bite me?”

Dash walked around squeamishly admiring my bloody arm, “Yikes I hope whatever she has isn’t contagious”

“What? Are you serious?”

“Heh, nah I’m just playing, she must’ve just scratched you”

“That’s not funny”

“It totally is” Stepping close and taking a good look at the mare fighting in my arms Dash turned a little serious. “She actually looks even scarier close up. You probably wouldn’t have grabbed her if you could see what I see”

“That’s great to hear Dash now do you mind getting Twilight?”

“No need we saw everything from over there. Nice grab Joey!”

“My my! Would you look how horrifying those fangs are!”

“Scary that’s fer sure. I’m just glad we didn’t need my prize apple after all. Mighty fine wrangling from ya Joey, didn’t know you had it in ya”

“That was super cool! You swooped her up all fast and OH MY GLOSH! Your arm!” Before she can get much closer I keep her back with my foot.

“Hey wait til Twilight changes her back, she’s a biter”

“A biter indeed, you still feel okay Joey?”

I didn’t need a reminder to notice the deep throb and wet sticky warmth running down my arm.

“Hurts pretty bad I won’t lie so can you zap her or whatever and get this over with?”

Shrugging Twilight charged her horn ready to fire yet at the last second Pinkie shouted, “Wait! What if you hit them both? Is it okay if he gets hit with that?”

“He should be, it’s a purification spell. It only removes curses, spells, and sicknesses”

“Ya think Shy was cursed?”

“I wouldn’t say cursed but, it’s better to be safe than sorry. I have my own theory if you’d like to hear”

Starting to get a little sore from the constant squirming I made sure to say my piece, “Can you zap her please? If it does something to me we’ll figure it out but, I can’t hold her much longer”

Once more she charged again. Pinkie couldn’t bare to watch, hiding her face in her hooves instead. With a bolt of purple blinding my vision I dropped the mare from my arms holding my scratch instead. Thankfully I didn’t feel any different however, for Fluttershy it appeared things had gone differently. Completely limp a black like fog rose from her body evaporating into the night air sending us all back in worry.

“Is it over?”

Fluttershy now restored to her original pony form lay resting between us all. She was still with only the rising of her chest giving any sign of life.

“She’s cured!”

“See? Told you it was a either a curse or spell” Twi smirked.

“Yeah but, who cursed her? She wasn’t like this two days ago”

“Yeah! She weren’t like this last night when we double checked the bats neither! Something real fishy is going on here”

“Well did anyone go with Fluttershy home last night?” Not a pony raised a hoof. “Somepony must’ve cursed her yesterday when she went home”

Not exactly buying the whole curse thing Twilight shook her head, “I doubt that. She probably caught some sort of bug from hanging around all these bats”

“Twilight dear, I’m not exactly a doctor but, I have never heard of any bug that turns ponies into bats”

“Why don’t we just ask Shy when she wakes up?”

Patting Dash on the head I chuckled, “Since when did you become the voice of reason?”

“Give me a break. I always have good ideas, you girls never ask for them”

Checking my wound over the deep gash bled considerably yet didn’t seem like anything serious. She must’ve nicked me with a tooth.

“I suppose you don’t have any leftover magic for a quick heal do you?”

“Sorry Joey, healing magic is taxing and I barely had enough for that spell. You’re going to have to heal that one naturally”

“It’s alright Twilight, I can nurse him back to health!” Excited Pinkie was already dressed with a stethoscope pressing it against my back.

“Anyways we can’t stay out here all night so I’ll take Fluttershy with me back to my place in case anything goes wrong. Joey you make sure to keep in touch if you start feeling different about fruits. Rest of you thanks for helping AJ again”

“Very funny Twi and no problem”

“Thank you all for real! I’ll make sure to give y’all tons of cider this fall for helpin out. I can’t explain how grateful I am to have such amazin friends”

“It was nothing Apple Jack, just make sure to save a couple extra bottles for me this year. It’ll help me with dealing with this wing ya know?”

“I was glad to help but please do make sure to have less terrifying issues from now on okay? I don’t know if my heart could take another night like this”

“I’ll always be here to help! How could I possibly miss out on so much fun?”

We shared our good nights and headed our opposite ways with most feeling relieved with tonight’s ending. Most except me. See it still felt like something was wrong but, I couldn’t put the pieces together. We were missing clues and instincts screamed sinister yet it would have to wait for another time.

Finally home I opened the door with my now bandaged arm letting Pinkie bolt inside and onto the couch. With a poof she was out cold. I was tired too but, still had one last thing to check on.

With a flick of a match I lit a candle and carried it into my room checking over the large mare fast asleep in my bed. Her forehead had cooled yet was feverish still and so I replaced the towel and rested beside her in bed.

Kept up from curiosity, the cause of Fluttershy’s sickness racked my brain and could only go on for so long til my exhaustion caught up easing me into a slumber. I had other nights to figure it out and the issue was solved so I told myself ‘why harp over past issues’. If only I had been more aware. Aware of the large serpent like creature creeping over the roof of my home. His cackle both telling and cruel.

33 Maud

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It had been over a week since the Flutterbat incident and in such a short amount of time the season had already begun to change. Leaves became their trademark collage of yellows and oranges, the once sweaty mid days became quite bearable, and the much anticipated cider season was right around the corner. There was definitely a buzz in the air and with Pinkie busy helping with most the decorations around town my schedule was more packed around helping the others. This particular day in question I spent helping around Sweet Apple Acres with thee Rainbow Dash in tow.

Carting over the final couple of baskets I took a rest on the porch stairs wiping off the built up sweat from my brow. Today was probably the most activity I’d done since arriving here, if running for my life didn’t count and the exhaustion was already settling in.

Leaning back staring toward the sky I let out a yawn, “Yeesh I’m tired”

“Already?” A creak on the stairs made it clear Dash had found a spot next to me. “We gotta get you into shape if that’s the case. There’s no way you should be tired after that”

“Well…” I yawned again, “I’m not the one excited about getting some early cider. If it were up to me I’d prefer something better like some pie”

“Dude, what are you talking about? That’s the worst take I’ve ever heard”

“And that’s one of my sayings. How come you gotta copy everything I say?”

“You can’t own a saying. I can say whatever I want”

“Sure but the admiring fan bit you keep pretending to be is a little too far”

“Admiring fan- who’s the one here that has actual fans?”

I scooped her close hugging the sweaty mare against my side, “You’d be surprised but apparently there’s ponies that find me irresistible”

Laughing she pushed herself free standing, “Yuck dude you’re all sweaty!”

“So are you!”

Opening the front door behind us AJ made her way down the steps with a couple of mugs of cider on a tray. Setting them down she took a hearty swig of her own.

“Now that hits the spot! You two enjoy yer drinks and thanks for helpin today. It ain’t ever easy preppin for cider season so any extra hooves I can get is always welcome”

“Course there partner, why I’d helped even if the sky was red and the sun was fallin” she didn’t seem to appreciate the impression as much as Dash.

“Heheh yea hey there.. hehe part- how do you even do that without laughing?”

“Live off the land? Ride free? As easy as breathin sister”

“Oh alright that’s about enough of that. Don’t need you making us sound like a bunch of loose brains”

“I’m just kidding AJ don’t get all upset”

“I know I know but, if Granny Smith hears ya you’d be in for a world of trouble. Just watchin out for you ya”

“I appreciate it” I smiled, lifting my glass to the air. “Much like how I’ll appreciate this drink in your name”

“Hey Apple Jack do you got any more we can have?”

“You mean you can have?”

She twirled a hoof around her already empty mug, “You don’t know, maybe Joey might want more”

She doesn’t even need to ask, only looking my way for a head shake. “No I’m good”

“Oh come on! You couldn’t just say yes? For me?!”

“I’ll get ya another Dash, quit yer yellin”

“Nice… can’t believe you wouldn’t lie for me”

Finishing off my drink I laid back against the porch relaxing. With a nice gentle breeze and some shade the moment had started to become actually comforting, even with the aches and pains.

“You’re not actually tired right?”

“Would it be okay if I was?”

“I’m not trying to make it seem like I think your unfit but, is that like normal for humans?”

“I’m not physically tired, I just haven’t been sleeping well lately. I was up all night last night, couldn’t rest for a second”

“How come?”

“I don’t know. Ever since that night Flutters went all feral mode on us I haven’t been able to sleep and it’s not like I’m having nightmares or anything. Honestly I felt wide awake last few nights in bed. It’s driving me nuts”

Returning with another drink for Dash AJ was quick to head off again. Her day didn’t end here and certainly didn’t have an open slot for relaxing and so with that we waved her off into the orchard.

Dash turned back to me sipping her drink, “You’re not actually turning into a vampony too are you? She did bite you”

“Scratched” I corrected. “And besides, Twilight hit me with that spell as well so I should be fine. It’s probably from stress or something I don’t know, I’ll be fine”

Shrugging she went back to an empty glass not even realizing she’d already chugged it all, “Shit I’m already out!”

“Heh easy on the pepsi fuller”

“Huh?”

“Eh you wouldn’t get it. A human thing. Anyways that pretty much does it for me today, I don’t have any other plans so if you wanna keep hanging out we can”

“Course I wanna keep hanging out but there’s like nothing to do today unless you wanna watch me practice a bit?”

Taking our leave, the path out of Sweet Apple Acres felt much faster during the day. In no time at all we were street bound walking through town.

“Ima be honest Dash it was pretty cool the first few times but, after a while it’s kinda like your just flying around in circles”

“It’s way more than that don’t be disrespectful and today I was thinking about changing it up seeing how my wings still bandaged and all”

“Yeah… still kinda boring for me though. I don’t want to make it seem like what you do isn’t impressive-“

“But..?”

“But too much of one thing kinda ruins it right?”

“Too much cider? You’re telling me too much cider is a bad thing?”

“I don’t even like cider so that’s an easy yeah for me”

“Okay but your tastes suck so imagine it’s something else, like something you like”

“Dash too much of anything is not good”

“That can’t be true”

“Well it is, ask anypony else”

“Alright what about… hey you!”

Shouting over to a nearby mare drying bedsheets she nearly jumps out of her skin at Dash’s voice.

“Woah hey?”

“Can you have too much of a good thing?”

Confused at the question her eyes darted between the two of us, “Uh… I guess?”

“Is that like a yeah or a no cause we need an exact answer”

“It’s a yeah… jeez” she flashed Dash a look before marching off disturbed.

“What was her problem?”

“You” I laughed, “Yelling at her”

“I didn’t yell”

“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe your inside voice and your outside voice might sound exactly the same?”

“Hardy har har so funny, now what do you want to do then? Otherwise I might as well take a nap cause waking up as early as I did today was brutal”

“Says the mare who was on my case for being tired”

“Physically ya nerd! How about you listen better”

“HoW aBoUt YoU LisTeN bEtTeR. That’s what you sound like”

“How about we wrestle then huh? Sounds like you wanna get your butt kicked again if you ask me!”

“Pfft bring it on then! Let’s take this shit over to the lake”

Doing as I suggested and Dash wished we soon stood across from each other in the open field nearby. We often used this area to wrestle in the past as well, the ground much less hard then you’d find around town. That combined with the quick access cool down bath close by made it the prefect spot. Now all that mattered was who would end up pinned first.

In a burst she lounged forward trying to grab a leg which I promptly dived over ending where she stood before. Not giving up she had already spun around and rushed forward again yet my low position from diving left me in the right spot to catch her into my chest. Somewhat painful I took the blow without losing grip and tossed her over my shoulder with a light slam as to not hurt her. For this she appeared even more focused, not taking my gentleness as friendly but rather disrespectful.

With a twist she started sprinting circles around me slowly gaining speed. Her force alone bringing a small gust of wind to me and the surrounding grass. Her eyes remained fixated on mine, unfazed and unwavering. Every second that passed my nerves grew expecting an absolute bullet of a tackle. I would need to be quick, there was likely no chance she’d-

*SLAM*

A force from my side picked me clean from the ground sending me onto the sandy edge of the lake. We must’ve rolled at least three or four times until I found myself pinned beneath Dash, her hindquarters resting on my stomach. Her smile couldn’t be more visible.

“I win”

“How… what… I was watching you the whole time”

Had my eyes deceived me?

“I kept running until I saw you relax a little and took advantage. It’s not like you could stay focused longer then I could run” her slightly heavy breathing said otherwise.

“Damn. You must’ve been going fast as shit cause I sware I never saw you jump” I chuckled. “I don’t really stand a chance if you go that hard”

“I wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t hold back so much when you slammed me. You don’t have to go easy on me, I can take it”

“Dash likes it hard you heard it here first”

She rolled her eyes, “Always got to make it sexual”

“Kinda hard not to when your literally sitting on me”

Heavily blushing she jumped off embarrassed, “W-what is that s-supposed to mean? I have to pin you to win!”

“I’m joking ya big softy. If you wanted to cuddle me that badly you could’ve asked”

“Yeah okay says the dude that scratches every mare he meets. You probably wished I stayed on top of you”

“Are you calling me easy?”

“Hey, I wasn’t the one that said it…”

“Dashie! The audacity”

“Normally I might get worried if a stallion said that but, for some reason I feel like you wouldn’t even be offended like that”

“Definitely not and you wouldn’t have to worry about calling me that either. I haven’t been exactly big on the whole cuddle thing ponies like to do since uh… since that day. If it’s like one of you girls I’d be fine but…”

Noticing my discomfort she put a hoof around my shoulder as we sat in the sand. Not one for words she struggled thinking of what to say.

“Are you… okay from that? Like do you think you’re almost back to normal? I didn’t mean to say the last bit like you’re not normal I meant-“

“You’re fine, I get what you mean”

Watching over the cold sweeping waves a breeze rushing over causes me to squint from its chill. It’s smell only worsening the growing pit in my stomach.

“We don’t have to celebrate Nightmare Night if you don’t want to. We can all get together and do something else that’s fun. I bet Pinkie could make up an awesome party”

“It’s Luna’s night I should celebrate it with her”

“Yeah but… you don’t have to do anything that’ll suck if you don’t want to, I bet Luna understands”

“She probably would…”

“Sooo?”

“Dash I’d like to at least pretend I didn’t get raped if that’s okay” the instant it leaves my mouth I know I’ve gone to far backtracking immediately. “Sorry that was… that was fucked up for me to say”

“My bad, I didn’t mean to… sorry”

Almost as if we were back a year ago the familiar feeling was back. I was being sensitive again, making it difficult for my friends to be around me. I hated it.

“Look I didn’t mean to ruin the mood alright? Don’t feel like you have to be careful with what you say around me or what you want to do. If you want to have fun on Nightmare Night then go right ahead, there’s literally no reason you shouldn’t”

“What are you going to do though? If you’re not celebrating how the heck are we supposed to?”

“I might spend the night with Luna. I bet she’ll want to be see me most the night. She probably still blames herself for what happened”

“Why?”

“She thinks because she didn’t watch over me and it happened during her night that it’s her fault even though it’s not. If it’s anyones fault it’s mine for being so stupid”

“I don’t know exactly what happened but, I doubt you did anything wrong either”

Letting out a deep breath I stood up knowing I couldn’t talk much more about it, “I don’t know, either way I fucking hate magic now like that shit can suck a dick”

“Magic can suck a dick”

“Fuck yeah it can”

We watched over the lake a little longer while I lingered over my thoughts a while longer. Maybe if the circumstances had been different and we were in another spot I might struggle to shake the memories as easy but, something about the feeling of the sand between my fingers and the cold breeze against my face cleansed my worries. Enough so that I conjured up a little fun idea.

“You know what? We should fucking prank every unicorn in town just for having magic”

Dash was quick to stop me, “Woah woah, I don’t want ponies to think I got anything against unicorns now”

“Oh.. oh shit heh, can’t really do that can we?”

Laughing she wiped a tear from her eye, “No! That’s… that’s a terrible idea! You’re trying to get me in trouble aren’t you?”

“Heh shit I didn’t think about it alright? Kinda weird thinking of ponies all racially ya know? You all look the same”

Her laughter grew, sending her rolling across the sand, “You… you can’t say that either!”

“I didn’t know! I’m an alien, how am I supposed to know these things?”

“Do I hear fun going on without me?” Appearing from the direction of Ponyville Pinkie made her way over hopping in excitement.

“Don’t worry Pinkie, Joey was just explaining how-“

“How lovely you looked this morning!”

“Awwww thanks a bunchies! Anyways I actually came over here to tell you two my sister is coming to Ponyville!”

“That’s cool, when’s that?” Dash shared a look with me nodding along.

“Today!”

“Today!? Pinkie what do you mean today? How come you’re just telling me now?”

“Your sister is coming today?”

“Yep! At least one of my sis, the others apparently are tooooo busy taking care of the farm so I’ll have to see them next time I go home”

“When did you find out like did you know earlier?”

“Course I did she sent a letter and everything silly. Ponies can’t show up unannounced anywhere they want too”

It nearly made my head spin, “Pinkie why didn’t you tell me! I have to look presentable and clean the house up…”

“Okay maybe I forgot but, I still told you before she got here! That has to count for something”

Sensing the frustration boiling inside me Dash took it as the perfect opportunity to bounce.

“Uhhh oh I forgot I was supposed to go back and help Apple Jack some more heh heh… my bad I should probably get going so bye” zipping off Pinkie waved cheerfully til her sights shifted back to me.

“What’s a matter?”

“Pinkie you can’t spring stuff up on me like this I need time to get ready. I need a haircut, a shave, I mean look at me I look like shit!”

“I like the fuzzy beard!”

“It at least needs a trim! Ugh… I guess I could sweep my hair back or something… maybe gel it… what about the house though I don’t even know if it looks clean”

“I cleaned it this morning! Right when I realized… that I forgot to tell you my sister Maud was coming over and also forgot to mention to her or any of my family that I’m courting an alien from another planet”

“You what?!?”

Needless to say the next hour was a blur. Having rushed back to the house I tried my best to get cleaned up not having time to visit the barber or really do anything too fancy. At best I gave myself a shower, my best button up, and a nice slick back hairdo with the time I had. Pinkie meanwhile also forgot to tell anypony else as well so her hour turned into running around town rounding up the girls. Normally I wouldn’t think a relative coming into town was such a big deal but, given how social and friendly these ponies were it shouldn’t have come as a surprise.

Making my way over to the station to meet the others, Luna came with having run into me back at the house. Excited to meet a new friend she struggled to contain herself.

“We get to meet our friends eldest sister! What a special occasion!”

“Don’t judge me for saying this but how?”

“How not? It’s not every day you get to meet a ponies siblings specially one that is a friends. It should be a joyous occasion”

“Back on Earth we didn’t really see it as too much I’ll be honest. I mean it’s not like it’s rare and I’ll probably meet her several times again so I don’t get exactly what’s so exciting?”

“Maybe not rare for Earth but, for Equestria many pony families split up across the globe as time goes on. It’s rare for a pony to stay nearby or with family unless they are to hold duties of that of a farm or other family businesses. I know it might be hard for you to grasp, try thinking of it as a long lost relative you haven’t seen in years”

“It’s really that rare? How come ponies move around so much?”

“Genetics? We are unsure, it likely goes back to ages long ago where migration was more necessary for survival”

Giving only a ‘hm’ in response deciding it was good enough explanation for me, we came upon a few of the others already waiting in place. Although Pinkie was missing, Twilight, Dash, Apple Jack, and Fluttershy sat nearby on a few benches facing the tracks.

“Yo what’s up girls”

“What’s up- Joeeeeeyyyyy woah what’s with the hair? Trying to look good in front of the family?”

I tried my best to ignore Dash sitting beside Twilight.

“Where’s Pinkie?”

“Running off to get Rarity still but… looking at the clock over there they still got a few minutes”

Luna gathered over with the others gleefully cheering in excitement. They really were living up the moment.

“Did Pinkie spring this on you last minute?”

“Yeah… you could tell?”

She giggled running her hoof across my hair, “Can’t say I’ve ever seen a pony with this look”

“I tried okay? At least admire the hair”

“The hair does look good… you should dress up more often”

I smirked, “You like?”

“Save it for after ya big oaf” she giggled trying her best to ignore me.

“Maaybeee I come over late and we watch a movie or something? Heard they made one about that book you love, the crime and uhhh p word one. Potential?”

“Punishment and that actually sounds pretty fun” then looking around to make sure nopony was looking she whispered into my ear. “And maybe we could try out some other things I’ve been thinking about”

When she pulls away the snap of her bottom lip lights my face like a fire. Awkwardly I tried my best to relax before any other parts of my body deciding on acting up. This wouldn’t end up being much of a challenge anyways with Pinkie and Rarity’s sudden arrival as a nearby train made its way closer to station. Gasping for a breath Pinkie gave us all a raised hoof of appreciation.

“Thank you all for coming. I’m sure you’ll all get along great with my sister! She’s amazing!”

“I’m excited to meet another fellow farm pony like myself. Not easy findin many friends in this business”

“She’s even going for her rocktorate in rock science! Can you imagine that?”

“Wait she’s gettin her what?”

Twilight skipped over AJ now curious, “Her rocktorate hm? Sounds like she’s studious, you happen to know if she likes to read as well?”

“She loves to read! Actually she loves just about everything you girls like. She likes fashion, she loves her pet, she even likes to make rock candy necklaces every time we get together!” Clapping her hooves together I could tell she couldn’t wait to see her sister again.

“Well what about me? She like the wonderbolts or anything cool? Like games?”

“She loves games! She’s one of the best at smash the boulder back home. You all have to come and see it sometime or maybe we can play it later today!”

“Sounds like an awesome sister. How come you never told me about her? We never talk about your family”

A little shaken by the question she deflected with a giggle, “It wouldn’t be as big of a surprise if I did silly”

It came off a little weird to me but, for the others it probably looked normal. If not for our time spent together I too would’ve missed it as well. The main tell for me though was her nervous laugh, one she saved for seldom occasion. She did well to hide it seemingly on purpose so I saved my questions for a more appropriate time.

Luna cheesed away too blinded by her excitement to notice either, “Surprises are rather fun”

“She sounds like a great sister Pinkie and thankfully we won’t have long to wait to meet her. Even so, I would have appreciated a little more of a heads up”

“Yeah heheh my bad Twi”

Pulling into the station the train jolted with a steamy hiss having now reached its stop. Small, it held only five passenger carts not including the front and showed signs of heavy use with the painted wooden decor chipping away from the sides. Definitely from the outskirts the bad boy had passed it’s best days.

“There she is! Maud!” Taking off Pinkie hunted down a plain looking grey mare squeezing her with a hug.

As we approached a few things stuck out to me right away. Unlike her pink counterpart Maud lacked any sort of uniqueness with her dull colors and flat long mane. Plain as her style she wore no emotion as well beside the smallest twinge of a smile built around the corner of her mouth. Unsettled I couldn’t focus on it long given my attention was stolen the second I spotted the sweater like garb wrapped around her, the only sign of public decency I’d seen in over a year. Finally a pony that wears clothes.

I gave a sigh of relief overjoyed at the sight, knowing now there was no way we wouldn’t get along.

“This is my older sister Maud! Maud, these are my friends Twilight, Dashie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Apple Jack, and Joey!”

“Actually it’s Rainbow Dash but, you can call me Dash” not responding or really giving any sort of reaction at I sorta cringed at the pause.

Pinkie continued as if nothing had happened, “Joey’s not only one of my bestest most awesomenest friends but, my coltfriend as well!”

Turning her emotionless stare over to me I internally gulped, “H-heh yep, that’s me”

Again she stood silent which felt absolutely crazy to me. I was an alien and her sisters ‘secret’ coltfriend! How could she not care!?

Unable to handle any more awkwardness Twilight piped in, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Maud! Pinkie was telling us about how wonderful a sister you were. Personally I was a little curious once I heard you were a student so I was wondering if there was any books in particular you might recommend?”

Then finally she spoke carrying little to no tone. A voice boring enough to make me worry at what was bound to come.

“I like poetry”

“Oh… is there uh any author in specific you like? Anything by Quill and Ink or Flourish Prose?”

“I prefer to read my own poetry”

“Maud is an amazing writer!” Pinkie exclaimed much too excited.

“That’s great too, I wouldn’t mind hearing some of your writing later if that’s okay with you?”

“It’s okay”

Pushing past Twilight, Rarity approached with her attention straight on Maud’s outfit. “I heard you also enjoy fashion”

“I like to express myself through my clothing”

“And what does todays outfit say?”

“Nothing. Clothes can’t talk” I could tell she was honestly confused at the question.

“W-why… of course cause… errr”

“I heard you got a pet. Fluttershy here has tons of pets back at her cottage and loves takin care of animals”

“I do have a pet. He’s in my pocket”

“Why I bet he’s just the cutest little fella. Can we see him?”

Taking a hoof to her pocket she pulls out a small stone, letting it fall to the ground in dramatic silence. It was a literal mic drop and nearly sent me into a laughing fit from the absurdity. I had to actually bite my finger just to calm down.

“He’s a rock. His names Boulder. I carry him everywhere”

Cant laugh… Pinkie will get upset… my god I wanna laugh!

Not helping things at all Dash nearly blew a gasket at the sight. Like an angry cat her mane even ruffled up! With a shake of her head she was the last one to try and relate.

“Pinkie said you like games”

Without blinking her stone like figure slightly shifted toward Dash, “Sometimes me and Boulder play hide and seek. It can take hours”

“Probably cause Boulders really good at it I bet! How about we play hide and seek with Boulder right now? Games are the best way to start off a day!”

An actual hour passed. A literal hour. We spent our time actually looking for a rock. Now you’re probably thinking ‘why wouldn’t you just say you don’t want to play’ or something like that. Maybe even give up? How about you give up huh? I can’t say that shit to Pinkies sister I just met! What kind of example does that set? That I’m a quitter and no fun? Speaking of no fun searching for a rock sure hits the nail on the metaphorical coffin.

Shifting through my own pile grumbling to nopony in particular I was interrupted by Dash’s furious poking.

“Ow, hey what the fuck?” I whispered. “What was that for?”

Loudly and desperate, she whispered back, “Say something to Pinkie! If I have to spend another minute looking for a pebble I’m going to scream”

“I can’t do that!”

“Why cause it’s rude? You know what’s actually rude? Making us search for a fuckin pebble!”

“C-could you keep it down?! I get it’s fucking stupid alright, and I’m miserable doing this too but, Maud is Pinkie’s sister and she’s trying to make friends with us okay? It shouldn’t take being the friendship princess to figure that out”

“Ugh this is stupid. Tell her uh… tell her… tell her anything, I can’t keep doing this! It feels like I’m one of those ponies with the big ball and chain smacking rocks all day in prison. It’s going to make me go insane”

“That’s not actually a thing in this day in age is it still?”

“That’s- Joey! Grrrr!” Making sure to windup real good for her kick I braced for impact using my shoulder.

“Girls! Maud found him!” Pinkie shouted freezing us both.

Tracing a hoof from her eyes to mine Dash made it clear she wouldn’t soon forget. I took the precautionary warning by mouthing ‘sorry’ to which she returned a head shake and face hoof. Potentially I had skated free but after what happened next my fate would be up for question.

“He was in my pocket”

Letting loose the pebble in dramatic fashion once more I could feel the steam building in the mare behind me.

“OH COME ON!”

“That was fun and all but, maybe you should show Maud around town a bit and catch up? Maybe you two could meet with each of us again later today?”

Heeding Twilights advice without noticing the clear desperation, Pinkie leaped into the air at the idea.

“That sounds like a great idea Twilight! Alright Maud follow me! Our first stop I’ll show you Sugar Cube Corner!” She bounced off leaving the queer mare behind in a hurry.

With a blank stare back she headed off following Pinkie, leaving me with a shiver.

Dash exploded, “How could she be Pinkie’s sister? They were nothing alike!”

“She sure was… unique”

“Unique? Rarity she was down right weird!”

“It what way was she weird?”

Remembering Luna’s quirkiness, she likely struggled to see how she was any different from most ponies. Mainly due to a lack of experience Maud must have come off as just shy.

“Uhhh I don’t know maybe all the staring without talking!?”

“Perhaps she is a good listener”

Oh Luna you innocent soul

“I’ll be honest I wasn’t sure if it were a joke at first knowin Pinkie an all but, I kinda get the feeling that wasn’t the case”

Sensing the overwhelming tide Twilight tried her best to help reel in the worry, “She was probably nervous. I know I was nervous when I first moved to Ponyville and met you all and I bet you all had your opinions of me right away too. I think we all should try meeting her on our own and reserving any judgement until then. How’s that sound?”

“I guess but if she tries to make me play that rock game again Twilight I swear…”

“Give her chance okay?”

“…fine”

“Great! So who wants to meet her first?”

Back at home with Luna my gut swirled around in anticipation. That whole first impression was terrible. From the awkward no reply to the shitty game, I had felt almost no relatable vibes. She was a walking rock! Emotionless!

“Joey must you pace about while we read? It is quite distracting”

I had completely forget she was there, resting near the side of the couch with reading glasses perched at her muzzles end. In magic she held a large blue book, a romance novel she recently found herself glued to. It was another one of her phases now completely lost in the world of romantic writing. Even going as far as meeting with Twilight and Rarity within the dreamscape for their nightly book club. She would deny her addiction however, simply stating that it was just ‘dabbling’.

“Sorry”

I sat down beside her on the couch spilling over the many possibilities of her arrival in my head. What she could ask, what she could say, and worst of all what opinion of me she might take back to Pinkie’s family. The last thing I needed was to not have her fathers approval. Shaking my head it wasn’t the time to be thinking about marriage plus I wouldn’t need his approval anyway.

With a sigh Luna placed the book to the side patting her lap, “Come. We cannot stand to see you so worked up”

Doing as she asks I place my head down on her lap facing away toward the fireplace. Her hoof made its way through my long swept back hair as she hummed lightly in delight.

“You know you have a lovely mane for not being a pony”

“T-thanks…”

“Tis nothing to be embarrassed about. Plenty of stallions keep long manes nowadays. Why we saw a stallion just the other day wearing eye liner! T’would cause an uproar had it been when we were a filly. The youth is much-“

“Luna please don’t refer to me as the youth”

“And what was it your age was again?”

“Twenty… two?”

“Thou forget their own age?” She replied confused.

“I was twenty one I think when I first arrived here? It’s definitely been over a year so… I’m probably twenty two”

A wave of dread washed over her expression and a hoof made it’s way to her mouth in stunned realization.

“We… missed thou’s birthday…”

“I did too so don’t feel bad”, I snickered. “Sorta got swept under the rug with the whole transferred to a new reality thing. That mixed with the different year length crap makes remembering my birthday a teeny bit harder”

“Then we still could celebrate, even pick a date you would figure most aligns. I am sure Pinkie would like that very much as well given her… inclinations”

“Yeah but, I never liked celebrating my birthday anyways. Felt kinda stupid rewarding someone for not dying one more year. That and all the attention was yucky”

She simply rolled her eyes, “Once word gets to Miss Pie it will not be your say. Might as well make the decision before it is made for you”

“Ugh… I’ll do it later, maybe sometime this week. Maybe never”

“Good however, I do not believe we have gotten to the crux of thou’s worry so would you mind explaining the reasoning behind our interrupting reading?”

“Maud” Luna doesn’t budge, patiently waiting for me to continue. “Okay it’s more then just Maud, I’m worried about what she’ll say to Pinkie’s family when she gets back. What if they don’t like me?”

“Pfft please, there are much worse stallions Pinkie could have fallen for then thou. They will love you, I am sure”

“What if they’re all like Maud?”

“You do not even know if she dislikes you, why speculate? These issues are only living within thou’s imagination. Simply take a pause to clear your thoughts and focus on the now”

I took a few deep breathes to calm myself, noticing the warm touch of Luna’s legs beneath my head once I had settled. Her gentle stroking through my hair helped soothe me as well, slowly leading me to a much desired nap. Heavy, my eyelids struggled to stay open. Partnered with the soft humming of Luna’s voice I felt my strength leave me. Only her sudden question kept me from slumber.

“Has thou been attending their therapy sessions as suggested?”

Smacking my lips I flipped around facing Luna, “You’re asking cause you know I haven’t been to one in a while aren’t you?”

“Our sister had sent a letter. Is there a reason you’ve stopped?”

“Haven’t felt the need to… also you used another contraction”

“Joey we are serious! You made such great strides since attending them. What if you digress?”

I sat up, flipping her over to be the one laying on top instead. With a boop to her nose I smiled, “That’s not going to happen. I feel way better now”

Worried her focused shifted around the room searching for the right words to say. After a few seconds her glimmering eyes met mine, “There is a certain… night coming. What are we to do if something were to happen?”

“It’ll be fine. I’ll spend the whole night with you to keep you from worrying. How about that?”

Still unsure she conceited with a nuzzle, “You keep this mare restless, I swear”

“Perhaps I could help?”

Raising a brow she smirked, “Go on”

I leaned in slightly meeting her gaze with purpose. Without saying a word or making a gesture we both knew what we wanted. Our desire drew us in closer until her hot breath could be felt against me, an insatiable urge. Soft. The only word my brain could comprehend, her passionate touch intoxicating. I was lost in the embrace, engulfed in her scent absorbing every fine detail of Luna I could.

Selfishly I wished to go on yet my body begged for a break and so I caught the cold air now separating us. Her beautiful teal eyes sparkled brightly almost sucking me back in immediately however, I happened to notice her own huffing, clearly spent herself. We stayed interlocked as if blinking itself could somehow awake us from a dream.

“W-we…we need…” she blushed, much too flustered to finish.

As if I could read her mind just from staring she noticed the change in my expression.

“Y-You sure?”

“…yes”

Met again with her lips I am tangled in a mess of hooves and feathers, lost in the heavy smell of lilac. Gentle in her touch she still was inexperienced bumping her horn against me and causing us both to have a momentary laugh. She brushed against my cheek rubbing her soft fur against me while finding a comfortable spot nuzzled against my neck. I gave a playful suck into her own drawing a sharp chirp devolving us both into laughter.

“That tickles!”

I gave another, this time causing less of a reaction and more of a moan to which her hooves scrambled for something to squeeze. Without warning she made her way up my shirt running across my abs and chest with her long legs. She kissed against my cheek admiring my features with a slow methodic rub. It became hot, in more then one way.

“You’re fuckin hot”

“Are we?” She rubbed lower, tracing down my stomach and stopped slightly above my waist.

The teasing was becoming a problem and when I looked to Luna it was clearly an issue for her as well. She was the reddest I’d ever seen her and almost looked as if she might fizzle out at any moment, her eyes in a daze. She lusted for more.

“Joey… we must…” I nodded reaching to remove my shirt.

“JOEY MAUD’S HERE TO MEET YOU! SHE’S SUPER EXCITED!” In a flop we both fell to the floor scrambling.

Hidden by the couch I bravely peaked over seeing the two sisters near the door which drew Pinkie over in a hurry.

“Hey watcha doin on the floor?”

“Uh ya know, just laying around”

“And how come Lulu’s on the floor too? We’re you two playing some new game without me? You know I love new games, how could you!?”

I stood up ruffling Pinkies mane and checking over to our guest, her focus more towards the decorations of our home. Maud seemed to had found particular interest in some of the photos Pinkie and I took together during our trip with the Apples.

“That was a trip Pinkie and I went on with one of our friends, the orange cowpony you met, Apple Jack”

Grabbing one of the picture frames Pinkie pointed to one of us falling down a waterfall. I myself was catapulted away from the boat screaming in terror.

“This is when we fell down a waterfall! It was so much fun!”

“Looks fun” her emotion didn’t match her words.

“Anyways this is Joey! He’s my awesome, funny, handsome, colt friend! He’s amazing at everything! Except not worrying, he’s always doing that”

Shaking my head at Pinkie I fail to notice Maud breaking my personal bubble, her face near inches from me. With a few sniffs she pulled away.

“You smell like Pinkie”

“I erm.. we use the same shampoo… saves bits plus I kinda like it” I already felt uncomfortable.

“Also this is Luna- I mean Lulu. I don’t think she introduced herself when you first met but that’s okay cause we can just do that right now like we’re doing!” With the attention spanning over to Luna I realized I wasn’t the only one feeling uncomfortable.

Thankfully while hidden behind the couch she used the time to disguise yet her face still remained red, “Hello, like Pinkie said my name is Lulu Moonlight. It’s a pleasure to meet you”

Tilting her head slightly Maud looked to Luna confused about something. It’s not until she spoke again that my heart nearly fell out of my chest.

“I’m Maud, Pinkies sister. You look like princess Luna”

“W-well I uhhh… get t-that a lot! M-maybe we’re related like long distant cousins heh heh…” she was as rattled as me.

“Anywho since this is your first time meeting Maud and there’s going to be like a bazillion times that we have fun together in the future I might as well teach you how to make rock candy!”

“Rock candy? Like the sugary hard candy?”

“Duh, what other kind of candy is called rock candy silly?” Taking Maud by the shoulder she pulled her over to the kitchen. “Cmon I’ll show you how to make it and then we can make necklaces for each other! You’ll be like us two”

Sure as shit I hadn’t even noticed the candy necklaces around both their necks. Simplistic in design they were a shiny colorful display of many shapes and sizes held together by thin string. The many ‘rocks’ were almost round in shape much larger then any rock candy I’d seen before.

Unfortunately I wasn’t a very big fan of rock candy but, I wouldn’t dare sour the mood. Looking back to Luna she shrugs, slightly relieved at her disguise working. Guess we were learning how to make candy today.

Fast forwarding a bit the four of us sat around Pinkie in a circle wearing our aprons and chef hats dressed for the situation. It wasn’t my choice but after Luna and Pinkie found my pony sized apron to be too hilarious to remove I made the rest of them dress accordingly as well.

“Okay so who wants to pick out the flavors?”

I raised a hand confused, “I thought they all tasted the same right? It’s just water, sugar, and syrup”

Surprisingly Maud answered, “Pinkie makes it different”

I sat expecting more from her answer but instead only received a blank stare.

“I use fruit juice, soda, water, sparkling water, Ponyrade, and sometimes… sometimes I even use vodka”

That sounds gross, “Okay but I don’t think we have many options in the fridge Pinkie, I haven’t been to the store-“

“Me and Maud went before we came here! I bought all types of different options and Maud picked out the seltzer”

Course she did cause it tastes like CHALK!

Luna dug through the grocery bags beside me with her tail whipping side to side, “Could we use this grape juice?”

Placing it on the counter I dug through the options as well seeing that she wasn’t lying when she said she brought options. She had to have spent almost a hundred bits on all of this! To make things worse there wasn’t even a flavor I really desired looking into it.

“Actually I’m all for the grape flavor as well”

“Okay and I’ll use… strawberries!”

Taking all of our choices and shoving the rest to the side Pinkie started filing a pot immediately with ingredients. Eventually she had Luna help as well, showing the ropes to a good candy necklace. I sorta stood by and watched as Maud also stirred a pot of her own to the side. Not long after we started, all of our necklaces lay resting in their candy solutions waiting to crystallize.

“Now we have to wait an hour until they’re done and everypony gets to enjoy their candy! So I’m the meantime let’s play a game to get to know each other better”

Not wasting a moment she dove into the hallway closet quickly pulled out a game of ‘cards against Equestria’. It was her most recent favorite and relatively new to Equestria although much more family friendly then it’s Earthly counterpart. I didn’t mind it though as it only made it that much funnier when I finally did make the game vulgar.

Flipping out cards to all of us Pinkie slapped the first black card down while I explained the game to Luna. With Maud as the first judge I figured it would take a real good card to get a laugh… if she even could.

“-and whatever card Maud thinks is the best wins and that person gets one black card”

“And you win once you have collected five of those correct?”

“Actually it’s whatever amount you want it to be! I only said five cause our candy might be done by then”

“Hm, then consider our card the best” placing one down she purposely slid it right in front of Maud.

“No ya goof it’s supposed to be anonymous who uses each card to make things fair. Ya can’t make somepony pick your card Lu”

“Perhaps…. until they are persuaded”

I shook my head going through my own deck checking over my options and back to the black card in front. It read, ‘I’m sure glad I had ______ for grandma’, prompting for my card to fill the blank space. Between all seven of my options I was stuck between using ‘a slippery hoof’ and ‘a gentle yet persuasive force’. After debating over the two I settled with a slippery hoof hoping the other card might come in handy later. Sliding my card forward for Maud to shuffle she flipped them all over not changing once in emotion. She didn’t even read them aloud.

“This one”

Pushing a card aside with a hoof we all peered to see the winner. ‘A large boulder’.

Pinkie jumped for joy, “Yay! That’s my card! Okay Joeys the judge now!”

“W-wait what about my card? A slippery hoof is pretty good!”

Raising an eyebrow Maud met my confusion, “Why would that be helpful?”

God please help me for I might lose my patience with this mare

Now judge I pulled from the black card pile reading the sentence aloud, “Ah blank, my favorite pastime”

Without wasting a second Pinkie slammed down her card giggling, “Heheh mines a winner”

Maud followed next placing her card without a word while Luna was the last pushing her card toward me with a wink. Her persistence was worthy of a chuckle but, not a free win and so I shuffled and read aloud the cards left from right.

“Ah, stealing charitable donations, my favorite pastime”

Trying to appear innocent Pinkie looked around, “Wow who put that one? That’s a pretty good card”

Okay so that was Pinkies

“Ah, the muffin stallion, my favorite pastime”

Luna immediately outed herself, “I didn’t have a good card I swear!”

Shaking my head I read the last card, “Ah, a hard days work, my favorite pastime. Hm… innocent as the last one is which kinda makes it funny I still gotta go with the first card”

“Yes!!!!” Pinkie hoof pumped in excitement. “I liked your card Maud”

She didn’t react simply drawing another white card to her deck. “Mine wasn’t supposed to be funny”

This is going to be a long game isn’t it?

Finally after a somehow painful game of cards against Equestria, Pinkie stood victorious while the next closest sat Luna. It truly came down to a game of who had the most rock related or serious cards and completely derailed my plans of winning. Of course I never was that competitive so I still aimed for laughs which Luna and Pinkie appreciated but, I couldn’t crack Maud. In fact I hadn’t seen her smile once.

Lost in my own failure to relate with Maud even a little, I was startled by a shout from the kitchen, “Candies done!”

Trying out the candy necklace it was surprisingly more flavorful then I’d remembered before making me realize either my grandmas rock candy kinda sucked or Pinkies was just that good. Sucking away on the sharp rock like a jawbreaker I had noticed Maud was the only one to not make a move toward her necklace, settling for wearing it around her neck. Chewing on her own Pinkie had spotted my staring and was kind enough to explain.

“Oh Maud always saves her necklace for later, she’s kind of a light eater”

Bumping into me Luna pulled at my waist, “Could you share some of yours? I am curious of the flavor” and as she spoke I saw her already purple colored tongue.

“Uh yeah sure”

With a quick crunch I then remembered we had picked the same flavor. Luna looked too cute admiring the flavor and covered in sugary crumbs to be mad with so I let it slide handing her some more. She even made happy little stomps when she saw I had more, eating them from my hand.

Maud broke her silence, “I have to use the restroom”

“It’s right down the hall that way” Pinkie pointed still chewing away.

Patiently I waited for Maud to leave quickly whispering over to Pinkie, “I’m going to be brutally honest Pink and I know you’re not going to like what I have to say but, I don’t think me and Maud are ever going to be friends. We’re just too different and she.. clearly seems to be not having fun”

“What are you taking about? Maud is having a blast! She just doesn’t show it like other ponies but, I can still tell. Call it sisterly prowess”

“Are you sure? I’m not exactly getting the same vibe here. Well, really any vibe”

Gobbling up the last of her candy she smacked her hoofs together to shake off some of the sugar before placing a hoof to her chin.

“Hm… maybe there’s a way I could prove it to you and the rest of the girls so that you’ll believe me”

“So I wasn’t the only one?”

Pinkies mane deflated a little but she held her smile. Unfortunately I could still see it was an act with her eyes giving away the worry.

“All the girls had… well… I sorta kinda hoped that maybe when Maud met you that we’d find at least one pony that liked her. I even told her you had to like her, cause you get along with everypony! You even put up with me…”

Sinking to the floor Pinkie melted into a puddle of herself hiding behind her hooves. I turned around making a motion for some privacy from Luna which she nodded understandably back, taking the rest of my candy with her. Finally gone I sat down next to Pinkie slowly rubbing her back as she sulked.

“I’m sorry Pinkie… if it makes things any better I can still try and be friends with her. It’s not like I dislike the mare I just don’t relate with her. It’s almost like… like walking in a maze to find out what topics might not lead to a dead end and even if I have the map, the solution, I still don’t know much about geology or rocks and that stuff. Maybe there’s a way she can relate with us all that includes rocks or something, I don’t know”

Snapping out of her funk in an instant she jumped up into the air, catching the magically appeared lightbulb above her head and tossing it into the trash.

“I have an idea! Meet us both by the lake in thirty minutes”

“Was that a lightbulb? Pinkie what’s going on? What are we doing?”

Coming back from the bathroom Pinkie grabbed Maud in a hurry and rushed out of the house screaming back to me, “And bring Luna- Lulu too!”

Confused a slightly worried at whatever terrifying idea she just conjured, I remained seated until Luna appeared back from where Pinkie had left, face still covered in candy.

“What was that?”

“Pinkie had an idea… also get over here, your face is a mess”

“A mess? Why surely you would not think we would actually consider the fact our face was filthy, specially after such a small treat and our proper etiquette experience”

“Yeah okay Lu then would you mind explaining this?”

Wiping the candy from her face it stained the sleeve of my shirt heavily causing a feint blush to rush toward her face.

“Why that sleeve was dirty before! Clearly caused from your own tasting!”

“Luna you ate all my candy…”

“…so we did”

Running into a few of the others on our way over I could tell the mood was definitely not good. Most of the girls looked tired and unsure if it was too late to head back now. They all were trying their best to keep their composures… well almost all of them, Dash was definitely pissed and not afraid to hide it. Maud must have given them the same treatment I received.

Distracted as I relived the horror of playing hide and seek again, apparently Dash snapped.

“-AND THEN she said she doesn’t even care about winning! …. WINNING!!!”

Rarity scoffed, “That is nothing dearie, you should have experienced the hour of torture I went through just to get a single design for the mare only to find out it would be the EXACT SAME THING SHE WAS WEARING!! The audacity she has to even suggest she’s into fashion!”

“Ever listen to somepony else’s poetry for an hour?” We all winced in pain for Twilight equally.

“Well I fer one don’t ever want to remember what I went through again but I was sorta curious bout how it went with with Joey seein how she’s Pinkies sister and all”

Much too cheerfully Twilight made her way between Luna and I expecting good news only to be met with my defeated expression.

“It uh.. it didn’t go well did it?”

“We had a decent time I would say?” Luna butted in. “We played a game of cards and even made these delicious candy necklaces which by the way we will need more ingredients for on our way home so do not forget to remind us”

Bumping my hip with her hoof, Twilights faith had returned, “That sounds nice huh? So why the long face?”

Turning to face her stiff as stone I didn’t give a single emotion, “Twilight I can’t relate with that mare, she’s too much… or in this case too little. There’s literally nothing we have in common and her sense of humor is unbelievably dry and when I say dry I mean like drinking a glass of sand on the sun”

“Luna made it seem like a good time, maybe you’re overreacting”

“Shit I hope so”

Reaching the outskirts of town and crossing over a few of the grassy hills around the Everfree forest out final stop eventually came into view. There it was our little hangout spot only something was different. Was it the changing of the leaves colors? No. Was it the lack of Pinkie Pie greeting us with exuberance? No. Maybe it was the ridiculous gauntlet of many swinging dangers that did it? Yea, probably.

“What in tarnation?”

“Oh gosh”

“Goodness”

“Woah”

“Huuuuhhhhh?”

“What a joyous opportunity!” We all turned to the sound of Luna’s clapping, the attention slowly slowing her down to a stop. “What? Does this not scream fun?”

“Hiya girls! Over here!”

Ecstatically Pinkie shouted over to us jumping up and down while Maud sat nearby wearing a strange helmet of some sort. Not until we got much closer did it become clear it’s resemblance to that of stereotypical chopper gang helmet, like straight out of a movie. Even had the pointless dangerous spike on top to boot!

Following one of the massive swinging logs nearby Twilight winced with worry, “Pinkie what is this?”

“It’s an obstacle course and not just any ole regular one neither! Nope, it’s my ‘Maud shows everypony how cool she is so that everypony becomes friends course of friendship’! I made the name up a few minutes ago”

I could only sigh, rubbing frustrated circles into my forehead before the pain finally stopped me.

“Pinkie nopony is doing this obstacle course, it’s ridiculously unsafe. I mean look at that part, what is that? A swinging axe tightrope walk? Are you trying to kill somepony?”

“What?! It has to be this scary otherwise the purpose wouldn’t be in the name! All of you have been trying to be friends with Maud so hard and… and I know Maud would like the same, she’s been trying too so I figured this would be an amazing opportunity for everypony”

“By putting Maud’s life in danger? Pinkie I don’t have to think a ponies cool or funny or relatable to be friends with them”

Way too certain of her idea she didn’t even seem to hear the last part stepping back some toward her course.

“It’s not dangerous! Look, I’ll prove it by doing it first”, Then in a flash she took off climbing onto the gauntlet.

“PINKIE!”

The girls gasped in surprise and my eyes bulged in disbelief. Even Maud seemed to shift in her posture as if to stop her.

Absolutely terrified for her well-being I grabbed Twilight immediately, “Twilight you gotta stop her!”

“A-and do what?! Grab her with my magic? What if I make a mistake and she gets hurt?”

I turn back for a second seeing her already dip and weave through several fiery hoops instantly reigniting my panic, “She’s going to get hurt anyway! You gotta do something!”

“Yelling at me isn’t going to fix anything alright!?”

I turned to Luna just as desperate, “Luna?! Please?”

Uncomfortable with the decision she shook her head, “Twilight is right, it would be unwise to attempt to stop her now”

Ungifted myself I had no choice but to pray she made it through at this point. Closing my eyes I listened to the others reactions until Luna tapped my shoulder. After what felt like the longest three minutes of my life I opened my eyes with relief. Thankfully with relative ease Pinkie made it to the end standing atop a large pile of rocks nearly thirty feet high. Laughing and dancing she pointed down to us.

“See? It wasn’t dangerous at all! Even I could do it and I’m no where near as impressive as Maud”

I was fired up, pissed at her carelessness. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if she got hurt! “Okay great Pinkie you proved your point now get down!”

“Oookaaaayyy”

With a leap she started sliding down the rocks drawing out the breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. Dizzy from the moment I felt like sitting down, my chest painfully throbbing as well. Was I having a panic attack? It had been so long since the last.

“AHH! My hoof!” Pinkies shout brought my attention back along with a rush of adrenaline.

Stuck between two rocks she fought to free herself in pain. I didn’t hesitate this time rushing over and climbing up to help her while the rest of the girls followed behind. Much further ahead I reached her with some considerable space between myself and the next mare.

She grasped at her leg with teary eyes, the appendage slightly wedged between the two boulders.

“Ow… I think I rolled it”

“I’m going to get you free okay? Here let me lift this real quick” with most of my strength I pushed at the boulder shifting her free with a yelp.

She protected her leg instantly with her body groaning from the pain. Terrified it was much worse then a sprain I kneeled down beside her carefully pulling her hoof away.

“Let me see it” it wasn’t discolored but did appear a little swollen already. “Here I’m going to pick you up okay? We’re heading home and this whole Maud friend gauntlet thing, is over”

“B-but-“

“We’re not going to argue. You gave me a fucking heart attack Pinkie, don’t ever do something like this again”

Sniffling quietly she still held her leg facing toward the ground, “…sorry”

I sighed, placing my forehead against her own. With a whisper I stopped her crying. “I can’t lose you… alright?”

She wiped away at her tears nodding and snuggled close in my arms. I felt bad for the way I acted but, now wasn’t really the time to apologize. Scooping her up I spun around getting ready to head back down but, stopped when I noticed the still considerable gap between myself and the next pony. In fact everypony was looking at me… or were they? Was it something behind me?

“JOEY LOOK OUT!”

Before I could even look a flash of grey shot behind me leaving a thunderous crunch in its wake. When I finally did turn around all that was left was Maud and a split boulder beside her. She had saved my life. In a hurry she brushed her face against Pinkies.

“Are you okay?” Her eyes darted over Pinkie worried.

“Y-yeah… think I just rolled my ankle heheh… ow”

Still in my arms their embrace was a little awkward but seemingly enough for Maud. She pulled away suddenly, her brow furrowed in anger.

“Why did you do that?”

“I wanted you to be friends with my friends and I figured if they saw how amazing you really were that you’d all have to be friends”

“Pinkie… your friends don’t have to like me for us to get along. Haven’t you noticed how much they tried already? I know I’m not the most interesting pony or the most fun but that doesn’t mean we can’t all spend time together. Maybe from now on whenever I come to visit it can just be the two of us for a weekend? How’s that? That way I won’t be a bother for your friends”

Pinkies mane deflated covering half of her blushing face, “I-I… I’m sorry Maud and I’m sorry girls. I never meant for anything like this to happen. I just wanted everypony to be friends and hangout together but I guess I was being too needy”

“Actually-“ I spoke up, “-I think we can be great friends after all”

Confused Maud tilted her head, “How’s that?”

“Well for starters you just saved my life but, let’s get Pinkie some ice for her leg and I’ll explain more”

We all headed back to my place meeting in my living room around the fireplace. Sitting on the couch I played with Pinkies mane as she rested in my lap, her ankle wrapped in a few gauzes and an ice pack. Given the days outdoorsy chill we all settled in for some hot chocolate relaxing and joking around. It was then I explained.

“I mean since we all love this chaotic little pink mare here-“ I said while squeezing her cheek, “-I know for a fact we can be friends”

A little unsure still Maud took a sip from her drink, “You think that would be enough?”

I took one long look at Pinkie, soaking in her presence. “Yeah… in fact I consider you friend already”

To my amazement and the other mares around Maud did something next that blew our minds. She smiled. Not anything egregious or excessive but a small grin at the corner of her lip. Enough so to force a smile out of us all.

“Hm… that’s… nice. A friend. Friends. I’ve never had friends before”

“Well then Maud consider us your first! I’m sure I speak for us all when I saw you’re welcome to stay in Ponyville with us whenever you like”

It was a shared sentiment to which everypony nodded in agreement to Mauds surprise. Obviously she wasn’t used to the hospitality and quickly found herself lost for words, taking a drink from her mug instead to hide her smile.

“See Maud? I told ya they’d love you! How couldn’t they you’re like the most awesomest bestest sister a pony could have! Just don’t tell Marble and Limestone I said that” she giggled.

“And Maud what Twilight said was true. If you ever feel like stopping by to see Pinkie, my door will always be open”

“Yep and since were all friends now what about staying one more night and leaving in the morning? We can have lots of fun still today I mean it’s only like five or six”

All too calm Maud made her way over to Pinkie patting her sisters head with a hoof, “Actually Pinkie, I think I’ve overstayed my welcome. You should know as much as anypony how much I’m needed back at the farm”

“Tis only an extra night, why not stay?” Luna didn’t even bother to change her tone.

She took a long look back to her sister before answering, “I don’t want to miss my train”

The group bellowed in a disappointed groan.

Hesitant, Pinkie poked me, “Joey could you walk Maud to the station for me? My hoof still hurts too much and I usually wave her off”

Taking a few looks between the sisters I could feel an alternative motive. It was an odd request but, I wouldn’t dare deny.

“Sure”

Alone together at the station the two of us didn’t talk much. The only real conversation we did have was about the candy necklace still untouched around her neck.

“Still not hungry enough for that necklace?”

Looking down as if to check it was still there she grinned once she spotted it. “Actually I don’t like rock candy but, I know Pinkie loves it and that’s good enough for me”

She about exploded my heart, “You really do love Pinkie. I’m glad her sister is such a great pony”

“I’m glad you’re her coltfriend”

“Oh please, I’m a piece of work. I’m the lucky one”

“No I mean it. I never thought Pinkie would grow up when she left the farm but, seeing how she is now… I’m sure you had some role to play”

“So this is her grown up?”

She almost chuckled from the thought, “Yes. She’s all grown up now. Though I never imagined she’d court a pony so… normal”

“Me? I’m normal?” I pointed to myself in disbelief.

“Seem to be the voice of reason from what I saw”

“Well at least some ponies understand what I go through”

Pulling up to the station the same old rickety train from this morning arrived again and with an ear piercing screech came to a halt. Picking herself up Maud started her way off giving me a wave goodbye to which I returned until she disappeared inside.

She was a strange mare that’s for sure but, even stranger it kinda made sense she was Pinkies sister. I’m sure her other sisters make up emotions Pinkie and Maud are missing like some sort of cruel joke on genetics.

“Joey” Mauds voice from the train window startled me but got my attention. “Make sure to keep Pinkie happy. She’s a light for us all”

“I will… and Maud, thanks for well… saving my life earlier. That was pretty amazing”

“Meh, it was just a boulder” She was all too serious, climbing back down into her seat and vanishing into the train.

With a loud squealing horn she shrunk into the horizon leaving me to my short walk home. I guess if there was anything I learned from today it was that I shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Otherwise I could miss out, miss out on someone amazing.

34 Conflicted Coziness (CLOP)

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Terrified, ashamed, regretful. From the couch I lay reliving this day, one year ago, over and over and over again. Heavy it weigh leaving me rooted in place. A sickness of sort forever plagued in memory, forever scarred. I was sick, desperate for help.

I jolted awake pressing a hand against the cold sweat covering my forehead. It was a nightmare or really some sort of minor form, attacked while I took a short nap. Letting my hand fall it brushed against my collar reminding the result of my carelessness. In a swift motion I removed it, tossing it to the side. In another I run my fingers across my face and through my slicked back hair.

I hadn’t planned on falling asleep, checking the window for the time of day. Night had fallen already and the reflection from the light within cascaded myself back like a mirror. There I sat with beard slightly trimmed and hair long, nearly reaching halfway down my neck. It was not a look I would have ran with on Earth unless I didn’t mind the term hippie.

It didn’t matter though as I didn’t plan on seeing anypony tonight anyways. Sure I had suggested with others what I might do for the occasion in the past but, here now the idea of socializing felt foreign. I’d rather hide away and wish the night off perhaps by the lake or somewhere discreet however, having let my guard down to the temptation of sleep my plans were in danger.

Still lying there I stay silent listening for voices or any disturbances of the such. It was quiet. So without making much a noise I shuffled my way over to the coat rack quickly dressing myself appropriately for the windy chill persistently whistling outside. Sure this was selfish to avoid Luna on her night, perhaps souring her own experience but, my body told me otherwise pushing forward out the door and gently closing it behind. I would hate for my shitty mood to ruin her night.

I wouldn’t need a much time to disappear, taking the path toward Fluttershy’s in a hurry. Both unlit and desolate it was perfect for a getaway. Gloomy, dark, and cold I was enveloped with uncertainty or anxiety, which of the two I could not label more prevalent. It was like a nervous tick constantly nagging inside fighting to keep every moment disturbed and it kept me restless.

Distracted I almost walked directly into the well lit path leading to Fluttershy’s and back toward town. From a distance I stood watching over the cottage. Cloaked in nights armor I could admire a small group approaching, their costumes well kept and unique. Soon enough they reached her door, their shouts snapping my dulled senses back to attention. I hadn’t even heard the many voices shouting in the distance nor the music faintly playing from town hall. They celebrated the night completely and innocently ignorant. Waiting for them to pass I continued on until a pull at my sleeve caused me to snap back.

“-you okay?”

Fluttershy stood before me dressed in a black and yellow stripped pattern. From her head a small set of antennas dangling randomly about. It was clear she was some sort of bee or perhaps wasp.

She asked again, “Are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh yeah… *ahem*, just going for a walk”

Of course she noticed me. These ponies are like sad magnets

“R-really? It is awfully cold out tonight”

Pulling at the side of my coat I smiled, “I came prepared”

“Oh well… I also see you’re not trick or treating either. I figured you might have with Pinkie seeing-“ she stopped suddenly turning pale, “oh I forgot. I’m sorry. Today probably isn’t very fun for you is it. I uh… p-please let me get you something warm to drink at least. Maybe some hot chocolate or tea?”

Stammering over her words in a hurry I couldn’t help but feel bad for the mare, the topic obviously difficult to approach. Likely she just wanted to check on me and if I wanted any peace tonight I’d just have to take her up on the offer. Simply put on a happy face and bury any doubts.

“A hot cocoa sounds nice”

Lighting up like a beacon she hurried over to the door holding it open, “Great! Come on hurry, I don’t want to miss any treaters”

Stomping my muddy boots off I left them near the door inside while Flutters ran off into the kitchen. Her home was warm and inviting, the friendly yellows and pinks always a soothing visual. With a poof I landed on her couch only unzipping my coat as to show I wasn’t staying long.

Loudly her clock ringed nearby startling me. It had turned eight, the weening hours of most treaters. She wouldn’t expect much company at this point, I wondered how much candy could she have left? Maybe enough for me to take one? So I peeked over spotting the orange candy bowl sitting atop a stool near the door and standing tall for a second I could see clearly it was already empty. Drats! Yet that drew another question. How come she was worried of missing treaters?

Timely her voice came from the kitchen, “You’re not allergic to fudge are you?”

“Fudge? No… I thought-“

“It’s a surprise! Don’t worry”

“I don’t like surprises” I muttered to myself. However, Fluttershy’s surprises were an exception, I wouldn’t dare spoil them.

Yet this one had begun to take a long time. Unsettling long. As if she was stalling for time. It didn’t take much to start my paranoia.

Why is she stalling? Is this a setup? Did I get tricked into coming here? Maybe she’s just having some trouble… maybe I should go check on her? I’m probably just worrying about nothing

“Shy you okay in there? Need any help?”

On cue she was back with a pair of steaming mugs. It was more then a hot chocolate though definitely made with care. Topped with whipped cream, chocolate shavings, and a shiny cherry. I started to feel a little spoiled taking the mug in my hands. With a sip the warmth I’d previously lost had been returned in an instant.

“Thanks… this is very nice”

She hummed in delight enjoying her own, “Mmmhmm! Hot chocolate always tastes better in the cold, at least that’s what I’ve always thought”

“Won’t find any argument here” It really was delicious completely derailing what I was worried about before. “Get a lot of treaters out here so far out of town?”

“I do. Apparently a lot of ponies know about the elements of harmony so I get a lot more ponies then normal. I actually ran out of candy this year heheh”

“What are you going to do if another treater shows up then huh? The kind Fluttershy going to turn them away?” I jested.

“Oh you’re right! Maybe I should bake some treats or something quickly” almost panicking I hold her back from rushing off into the kitchen.

“I’m just kidding Shy I bet most ponies are done trick or treating by now, it’s getting kinda late”

“I guess you’re right..”

We both fell silent taking in the moment. Enjoying another sip I honestly was getting a little too cozy, almost sleepy. If this damn drink wasn’t so good!

“Joey I um… I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything but, are you okay? I know tonight’s not exactly you’re um… I’m a little worried about you is all… and you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to but, if I stayed quiet…”

I placed my hand on her shoulder gently, “I’m.. I’m okay Shy. You don’t have to worry about me”

“O-okay… I know you’d tell me if something was wrong though so I won’t keep bothering you but, I had to at least ask. You understand right?”

“Course. That wasn’t the only reason you invited me inside though is it?”

Giggling she put her drink down and trotted over to a nearby bag I hadn’t noticed before. “Its freezing outside! I couldn’t let you walk past without stopping for a warm drink, that would be unneighborly!” Picking it up she walked back over handing it to me with a caring smile. “Plus I heard we missed a certain ponies birthday”

Taking the bag I almost didn’t realize what she said doubling back, “Wait what?”

“Luna might have told us we all missed your birthday and I might have got you a present because I felt so so bad. I really am sorry” She looked so worried, how adorable.

Focusing back to the bag I started opening it with a chuckle, “You know that hot chocolate would have been fine enough if you asked me”

“I can’t give you a hot chocolate for your birthday! That would be inconsiderate!”

“It’s just a birthday”

Moving away the gift paper a soft looking square lay rested near the bottom. Yellow and fuzzy I grabbed it spreading it out in front of us both. A hand knitted sweater, or in this case hoof knitted. It was a soft shade of yellow similar to Fluttershy’s coat spare for the large pink letters on the front.

“‘Free hugs’. Fluttershy who told you to have it say that? Was it Dash?”

Laughing she pressed it against my chest to better visualize the look, “I can’t give a name or I’ll get in trouble but, look how well it fits! Rarity’s measurements really did work!”

It really was tough not to laugh admiring it. Definitely a sweater for at home or in private.

“Definitely too afraid to wear this in public but, thank you Shy. This is nice”

“Try it on, I need to see if it fits”

“Alright but you’re not going to hug me if I wear it right?” Slipping it on it fit perfectly like a warm hug.

“It’s perfect. Now ponies can know how friendly you are just by reading your sweater”

“Yeah okay. It is awfully yellow though, you didn’t make this out of your own coat did you? That’s kinda stalkerish”

“N-no I didn’t use my own fur!” She blushed. “Rarity helped me with some of the materials and I knitted it myself”

“I’m kinda surprised how well it fits”

“Well I knitted one for mr bear before so this seemed a lot easier”

“Heh probably was”

Taking another drink I reached the end of the mug left staring at an empty bottom. “Mm that drink was great Shy and thank you again for the sweater but, I really think I should get going by now. It’s getting kinda late”

“Are you meeting with somepony?”

Should I lie?

“Nah. Probably going to walk around for a bit more before heading home. I honestly wasn’t in the mood to be around anypony but, I guess you’re a special case”

“You should head home soon though. Dash said it was supposed to rain late tonight”

“Then I won’t stay out long. Have a good night”

“You too and stay warm!”

“Heh alright momma Shy”

The cold whiplashed me quickly and soured a good mood as well. Taking one last look at my new present in its bag I use Fluttershy’s optimism as a boost. She really was kind enough to think of my birthday, even if Luna did tell her. So, feeling a little bit better and a little more cold again I decided to waive off my idea of walking around tonight. It was a dumb idea anyway and besides, Luna was probably looking for me. With extra pace I started back the way I came.

“Ooo a present?” The voice sent shivers down my spine, a dark chill. “Why Fluttershy shouldn’t have. Isn’t she the best?”

Floating just overhead resting on his side Discord pulled at his lengthy eyebrow, twirling it with intrigue. His lengthy serpent body twisted about in unnatural fashion. I tried my best to ignore him continuing forward until I was stopped by an invisible force.

“Careful! You nearly knocked over my vase!” Switching between himself and in front of me I was suddenly standing in front of exactly what he suggested, a stumbling vase upon its pedestal.

“Why are you bothering me?”

“Bothering you? Why I thought we all were friends now are we not and since we are just that, I figured I might check in on my favorite human friend” then with a devious smirk he winked, “Seeing how it’s an awful anniversary for you”

I wanted to vomit.

“Fuck off” speeding up I tried my best to get away but of course he seemed to find this just as amusing.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable if I did, I simply felt like I was forced to do something seeing you alone and all. It is rather dangerous to go alone during Nightmare Night you know. There’s awful ponies out there”

“Do you get off to annoying peop-“

“Ponies” he corrected devilishly.

“Wow you suck. Do you have anything better to do? Maybe killing yourself or leaving me alone?”

“Me kill myself?! Well I’m certainly not the one here who’s already tried. That’s not supposed to mean what you did was unjust you know, you did have a noble cause given your… abilities”

“Honestly I should try to kill you seeing how I’m the only pony who’s noticed your real intentions. That way maybe I could make a use of myself”

“HA you say it as if you could! Why I’ve tried myself already many of times. Not exactly easy when life’s chosen your path for you” appearing a noose around his neck he jokingly pulled it tight, vanishing it as I started walking away once more.

“Hypocrite…”

“That makes two! Why we have so much in common don’t we? I wonder how compatible we are?”

I had reached my boiling point stopping and spinning around. “You’re awfully confident of yourself. You sure I don’t have ways to dispose of you? I do happen to know a couple ponies in high places”

Serious in expression he stops floating, standing tall above as if to intimidate. I don’t budge yet his piercing gaze can be felt across my skin in an unsettling wave.

“Again you attempt to black mail me with trifling evidence. Do not underestimate my power mortal”

“You wouldn’t dare touch me”

“Perhaps… but what if a certain maid in Canterlot was to suddenly disappear? Perhaps a mare living in the poverty stricken slums? What was her name again? You know, the one who’s friends used your bits for drug money. A rather sad tale those ponies live right?”

Novella… I’d completely forgot about her and Cinnamon

The idea of their well-being in danger from just a few words kept me from playing this game much longer. I was stuck, unable to make a move against him unless everypony I knew was accounted for. What a sick fuck.

Back to floating once more he smoked from a long wooden pipe swirling about in the air, “Don’t look so worried you mutt I wouldn’t act without reason and besides, you’re my favorite pony to mess with. I wouldn’t dare spoil my chances at any future fun”

“From what I’ve heard, you’re not even able to truly control your magic much at all so I doubt I have much to worry about”

“Would you be willing to bet your life on that fact?”

I scoffed, “No but, I do know you can’t avoid chaos and if anything I feel like that’ll come to my advantage”

He twirled his eyebrow once more smirking, “I am a sucker for theatrics but, I have come for another reason then to bother you on your favorite holiday. You see, like you have said I can’t help myself. I’m persuaded by an unquenchable urge to see this world become as twisted and demented as the ponies minds that live within and with this urge comes purpose. I promised to lead you in the right direction in your little quest for answers and tonight I felt it necessary to indulge you. Listen closely because I will only say this once. There is another power you should fear and it’s arrival will spell your untimely death or at least the cost of your soul”

Another power?

“The fuck are you talking about? Another crazy lunatic trying to take over Equestria again? If you’re talking about yourself I swear to god-“

“Please, my plans for world domination are over. I only seek quality time with my new friend Fluttershy. You however, appear to be running out of time with the way things are shaping up. Either way I have taken enough of your time and my own as well” preparing to take off he turned back with disgust pointing toward my neck, “Perhaps next time don’t forget your little collar as well or else somepony might mistake you for a wild dog. Can’t have you spoiling the show before it’s begun now can we?”

Left with more questions then before I remember one last important detail as he started to take flight, “Wait! Did you know Quantum was human!? DISCORD!” My shouts were left unanswered as he seemingly disintegrated into the starry night sky. “Bastard!”

Enraged I tried my best to calm down and think over our conversation, everything that was said. A new power? My death? ‘Cost me my soul’? I couldn’t truly tell where exactly I should start to worry and where I should shrug it off as Discord being Discord. Hit with another gust of cold wind against my neck I shuttered from the cold rushing back home. I really had forgot my collar. I shouldn’t have left home at all.

Stomping my boots at the door shaking off some of the mud I kicked them off to the side peering around the house for anypony home. Quiet and dark after the first few steps I could take a sigh of relief knowing there wasn’t another Pinkie surprise party as well. Just me myself and I. I must’ve gave Pinkie and Luna the slip when I walked out.

Plopping down on the couch I laid out contemplating over tonight’s already wild events left with two options. One, I could cry wolf, telling everypony I knew and potentially endangering others for a chance of avoiding whatever Discord has planned or I could stay silent. While staying silent was definitely more up my alley I couldn’t get too big of a head, thinking I could ever outwit the devil. He was a god, thousands of years old and a manipulative beast. It was likely I’d need at least another ponies help.

*Knock* *Knock*

“Trick or treat!”

A cold sweat came over me in an instant.

Its waaaay too late for treaters, waaaay too late. This has to be trouble

Yet the more I hesitated and thought on it the more things seemed possible like for instance the ponies voices sounded reasonably young. It could have always been the cutie mark crusaders that rowdy bunch. What if it were the crusaders? Way out here by my house this late at night? In the cold?!?

I stomped my entire way to the door in disbelief at their behavior. I’d have to talk to Rarity and AJ about watching their siblings. With a swoosh of the door full heartedly expecting the crusaders I'm left with a completely different sight. All alone draped in my shadowy silhouette Luna’s eyes shined brighter then her own magically lit horn.

She giggled, her voice distorted into a collage of many voices all giggling in sync along. The giggles of three familiar sounding crusaders.

“Twas quite the party trick was it not? You should see thine face” her laughter grew once more.

“T-that’s… I honestly thought those fillies were out this late Luna! It nearly gave me a heart attack! I thought I was going to have to take them all home one by one and lecture the girls-“

Covering my mouth with her hoof Luna walked herself in shushing me in the process. In doing so here own body seemed to convert back to its proper state within the candlelight of my home, leaving behind her nightmare form outside. Smoothly she transitioned, pushing me to the couch and flopping atop squeezing a wheeze from my lungs.

“Did you enjoy your nap?” She booped her nose against mine recoiling from the cold. “Why is it that your nose is so cold! Had the fire gone out in our departure? Are you sick?”

She must’ve thought I was asleep the whole time, especially given the missing collar

“No I… was feeling a little yucky. Thought a walk might help”

“But thou is okay now, right?”

To be blunt, no I wasn’t but I wouldn’t trouble her the news. “I’m feeling better. Actually I ran into Fluttershy aaand-“ reaching into my bag I displayed the sweater across my chest, “-she made me a sweater!”

“Free hugs?” She giggled. “Do you normally charge?”

“Nah but I am picky about my customers”

She took it with her magic feeling over its softness with a pleasured hum. “Delightfully soft. What exactly required a gift?”

“Apparently somepony mentioned a missed birthday” she looked away from me like a guilty dog who knew all too well. “Who else did you tell?”

“Only Fluttershy…”

“Okay.. that’s not too-“

“And Rarity”

“Rar- you can’t tell her! Now everypony knows! Half the damn towns going to be sending me gifts! Luna you know I hate attention” I shook my head flustered from the news to which she responded with a nuzzle.

“Always so quick to worry. You know everything will be fine”

“Yeah, probably… still doesn’t exactly remove the pit in my stomach”

“Oh Joey” she kissed my forehead pulling away with a gentle look of empathy. “We might as well get this next part out of the way now”

I tilted my head confused until her horns bright blue glow brought about a small black box. It fell slowly as I instinctively reached out to catch it. Soft like my sweater this was more of a velvet then cotton and honestly kinda felt like a proposal with that whole shape of the thing. I couldn’t suppress a chuckle.

“Do you take this stallion as your lawfully wedded husband?”

Her face turned a fiery red, “T-T-That is not what we meant although it would appear that way without context but, still not what we meant! I would not worry you with something like that and specially not tonight. Tartus I would even consider this more important than a matrimony. Please open it and I will explain”

“What happened to king Marshall or is marriage here one of those things that requires a certain private ceremony to officiate?”

“Private ceremony?”

“You know… a little royal roll in the hay”

Watching her slowly process the joke along with turning a few shades redder I grinned ear to ear.

She looked away, “Tis not a requirement… only a luxury”

“Heheh I’m sure. Honestly I’m kind of surprised you’d even be able to do something like that before marriage seeing how you are royalty and all that. In the past on Earth if you were of royalty I think if you did something like that they’d kill the guy ya slept with. That and label you defiled”

“You say in the past? Is there no royalty of your age?”

“I mean there is but, not exactly like the kind here anymore. Truthfully I don’t even know how to explain it but, it doesn’t really matter”

“True, now open your gift already, we are growing impatient”

“Alright, alright I’ll check out your wedding ring”

“It is not a wedding ring!”

“Yep keeping telling yourself tha- and hey look at that it’s a ring! A wedding ring!”

It wasn’t really, more similar to a stylish bejeweled piece. Both silver and blue the large sapphire atop was a rounded circle. Cloudy it wasn’t the greatest of gems yet I figured looks wasn’t exactly the purpose.

“Pretty sick ring Lu and thanks but… why a ring again?”

She giggled, “Yes rather confusing to outright gift on its own but, we do believe you will love what I have to say next. I shall give a hint. No collar”

“No collar?”

She shook her head, “Not anymore”

I wanted to burst into tears, “Wait I don’t need the collar anymore? I thought I had to wear one cause magic comes from your brain and it being at my neck stops it early or some shit like that. That’s what Twilight said”

“Has Twilight lived for thousands of years?”

“Luna this is… this… thank you. Thank you so much I can’t even explain how much this means”

“To be honest we were worried you might not feel the need for it seeing how you had become used to the collar but, seeing thous reaction now…”

“Used to? There wasn’t much point complaining about it everyday I mean the damn thing had me looking like a pet to every new pony I met! That or into some weird fetish. Can you even imagine the less looks I’ll get without the collar?”

“Joey you are a furless bipedal”

“Fair but, at least they won’t think I’m a pervert anymore”

“Now that we think about it most ponies might now think the collar was for nefarious reasons seeing you without it after so long. Maybe this was a poor gift”

“Poor gift? Lu…” I didn’t waste a second more kissing her on the spot.

Eyes wide in response she quickly changed emotion, embracing me closer. Her breath felt hot riling me up in more than one way. I stopped not trying to get carried away.

Flustered she wiped the spit from her lip, “I-If we had known we would get such a reaction. Would you mind if I made another ring?”

“Heh… you don’t have to give me a gifts ya goof just kiss me if you wanna kiss me”

“Then we will take up your offer!”

Again I found myself engulfed in her grasp, both hooves and wings. We both fought for control, sneaking in as many as we could whether it be on the cheek, lips, or neck until our tussling fired me up enough to flip the tables tossing her to the bottom. She squeaked blushing heavily as she stared back to me. The pause left my attention to admiring the mare beneath me all the way down to her-

“Joey?”

“Yeah?”

She pulled me close for a whisper, “Make a queen of us”

Talk about a request, riled me up in an instant sending me on the attack. I lay a vicious series of kisses along her neck all coming back home to the soft sweet pillows she calls her lips. I’m lost in a flurry of emotions and before I know it she’s already made progress with my shirts buttons, rubbing a hoof down my stomach. She pauses short of her prize desperately breathing out a plea.

“Bedroom… we must” and so I carried her against my chest into the unlit darkness of our home.

Gently I laid her down climbing over her once more yet found myself looking a much more pony than I was used to. I forget at times how much larger she was than most ponies, almost sized equally enough to stretch out even with me. Along with size her strength was much more as well flipping me down to my back.

“We forgot to say happy birthday” she giggled, “Now lay back and let us give the rest of our present”

Dominance. She displayed it through her stare holding me down not only with her hooves but her hungry eyes. Sorta reminded me of that lion king scene, you know the one were Simba pins Nala and she does the sex eyes? Yeah, I was all for it.

Carefully she scooted back working at my pants with her mouth which quickly became too difficult. I could tell she was struggling and so I started to sit up to help.

“Heh Lu let me-“

“No please let us handle this! Relax”

“Maybe after I know you’re not going to break a tooth over my zipper. Here I’ll just-“

“Joey please!” Without thinking she pushed me back with her magic pinning me for only a second.

A single second. A small innocent meaningless second and yet it was enough.

On the spot it felt as if my heart stopped and jumped clean from my chest. I was ill with a sick pool of reminiscence stilled within, sticky and putrid almost enough to vomit. I was back on the ground pinned beneath that mare, her skin burnt and eyeballs cooked white with a horrifying stench of flesh. That disgusting rotten mare, as vile on the outside as in. I fought immediately to escape, her magical grip suffocating my lungs. Yet its release was as sudden as her appearance.

I was back, laying in a mixture of my own sweat held in Luna’s hooves. My face felt hot, my eyes wet. I had broken down again, confirmed by the painful thump now slowing in my chest. How embarrassing. I’d completely ruined this experience, ruined Luna’s night. It was then I noticed her feint humming, her gentle touch across my head and across my back. She had been trying to calm me. Even whispering a song I had taught her in the past, a song from home. The tears came once more.

“L-Luna?” Her humming stopped answering only with a ‘hm?’ yet the consoling continued. “What happened?”

“We made a mistake” her voice sounded so matter of fact that I wanted to look her way but I couldn’t draw myself to. She didn’t need to see my face right now nor did I want her to.

“…sorry”

“Shhhh, you are fine. We should be the one apologizing”

“F-for what? Putting up with me?”

She huffed a little seeing my statement as nothing more then a joke, “Hush, don’t talk poorly about my fiancé. He is a king in the making”

I let out a choked laugh, “Heh… really pushing that aren’t you?”

Luna pulled my face to meet hers, the feint candlelight reflecting in her soft gaze. She had been crying as well with matted dark fur running rampant down her face. With a kiss to my forehead she hugged me to her chest.

She stayed quiet, content with our hug yet her appearance bothered me so. “What happened?”

“A mistake… we should have known better. Specially tonight of all nights oh how foolish could I be!?”

“I-I don’t understand… did I… freak out or..?”

Her pause filled me with dread, “I worry that we have perhaps taken your… incident, too lightly. I should have considered how you might have been affected, how harming such a thing could be. We only fell to temptation for a moment we swear but a moment too long. I promise I will not make this mistake again”

“Luna your worrying me what did I do?”

“Nothing! Nothing… at all”

Confused I had to think back at what had just happened only a few minutes ago. A couple kisses, a little tussling, I didn’t see an issue. Last normal thing I saw was Luna on top of me… pinning me… with magic.

I pulled away looking to her face. She was distraught with disappointment. “Luna you didn’t do anything wrong I shouldn’t have freaked out”

“We are no better than before! Unfathomably immature and ignorant a-and.. and too stupid to even think of what I was doing” her crying began again as she fell into my shoulder.

I had fucked up, royally. It wasn’t even in my control. I was helpless.

“M-maybe… I need to see that therapist again”

“Please this was our fault do not blame yourself. I was greedy and could only think about myself and my little holiday” she pushed deeper against me gripping tight. “Our sister was right…”

I hadn’t know what she was referring to but, it was likely a can of worms we didn’t need to crack open right now. I needed to reel her back.

“Luna you didn’t hurt me I promise”

“We betrayed your trust”

“How exactly do you think you did that?”

“We took advantage of you”

“No you didn’t, I was completely all for it”

“Then do you feel the same way now hm? After fighting your way onto the floor screaming? Heavens, it broke our heart to see you in such pain…”

No I hadn’t but of course I didn’t, she was crying in my arms! Plus I just saw that fucking disgusting mare again in my head and now know I scared Luna as well!

“I’m sorry Lu I-I mean I don’t feel like it right now cause.. well things are little scary-“

“We have scared you?”

“Lu no- I mean I didn’t… look I’m okay. I feel a little sick but, I was feeling that way earlier tonight anyways until you came home. You made me forget and feel better so if anything you’re like my medicine”

She moved back to see me, her face pouting in frustration, “I also returned the sick feeling did I not?”

“Lu please stop trying to blame yourself for one moment. It was an innocent accident and nopony got hurt. Clearly I need to meet with that therapist again and get this resolved and you need to stop trying to find flaws in everything that you do”

“We… Joey we tried bedding you the same night you… you… I knew better”

From an outside perspective she was right. Thinking about it made old feelings stir again. That cold disgust laying with my back to the ground. That feeling of defilement and filth. I could never remove those feelings, that memory.

“I won’t lie. Since we’ve stopped I’ve started to feel sick again but that’s only because I have only one memory of this damn night so.. why not replace it with a better one?”

After leaving my lips I immediately start to wonder if that’s really the best idea. Luna could be the right one here. It could be best if we just wait for a different day. Who knows I might freak out again or cause some sort of weird mental damage I can’t even begin to understand! Plus this could just be my brain looking for a distraction, any sort of way to avoid the anxieties swirling around in my head. Between my freakout and what Discord said I was a complete mess!

She was unsure of what to do, stammering a bit,“W-we… we are not s-sure if this is right”

“Lu, I promise you. I want this”

No matter the worries, I wasn’t in the mood for letting it control my life anymore. Sure I felt sick and sure it was probably not a healthy thing for my mental but, dammit if I let what happened keep us from being happy it would be no different then giving up. I owed Luna this moment and I knew against my current feelings I wanted it too.

Luna’s eyes darted from myself and the floor conflicted in her decision, her hooves twiddling about themselves until eventually she came to a pause. Slowly she scooted back over leaning close to me, her blush returning.

“We trust you however, we are unsure on how to… rekindle the mood?”

“I can think of a few ways”

CLOP START

Slowly I ran my hand along her stomach while closing the gap between us. Cuddling close we faced, while I snuck kisses along her neck. It was quick to make her squirm likely from my ticklish beard. With a half lidded expression she drew her attention back to my pants.

“Let us get you more comfortable”

This time she slid them down with ease with a tug of her mouth. I kicked them off leaving me in only underwear while she straddled my legs, just before my package. Curiosity similar to a cat she leaned close, rubbing her hoof along the inner side of my thigh waiting for a reaction to which I gave in a slow rise. She drew close, her cold hoof producing a shiver.

“Should we continue this under the covers?”

I nod lifting the nearby sheet over her back while she cuddled against my side. Nuzzling into my neck her hoof meanwhile continued to explore, slowing trailing until it reached something… hard.

“Hm? Is thou concealing a weapon?”

“In the bed of a fair maiden? I would never”

She giggled yet remained paused. A pause lengthy enough to worry. Was she nervous? Her absent minded gaze certainly was a cause for concern.

“You alright?”

“This… is our first time. We might have mentioned such before but, I was unsure if you had taken us seriously”

“Well…” I was willing to admit, 2,000 year old virgin was a tough label, kinda unbelievable. “It’s not like it’s a big deal”

“We had no interest! Only visions of conquests and war… which still at times sound appealing but, you must understand we could have had intercourse at any moment!”

“Lu you don’t need to defend yourself I get it-“

“Plus we are royalty! You must understand the importance of purity do you?”

”Lu, it’s fine. There’s no reason to be nervous”

Truth be told I was a little myself. For all I knew doing this could make me a criminal! What if Luna was lying about this not being a big deal? What if Celestia found out and was furious!? I’d be castrated and hung!

Still a little nervous she looked away, the feeling of her hoof returning against my shaft. Surprised it gave a flex turning her attention to down below.

“It moves!”

I stifled a laugh, instead enjoying the slow rub of her hoof admiring my length. It wasn’t enough for her, she needed to feel it bare and so she turned to me. “We would like to see your um… weapon”

Of course she’d refer to it as a weapon still, how adorable. I wonder what it would take to hear her say penis?

Having warmed up some it wasn’t nearly as cold lifting the blanket off revealing my tent shaped boxers. She was quick to touch.

“Ah…”

Luna pulled back quickly, “Sorry! Did we hurt you?”

“No it’s just sensitive… kinda been teasing me here”

“Sorry…”

I didn’t waste much more time taking them off and revealing the stiff sight. Twitching in all its glory. To be honest just looking at it, penis’s are pretty gross.

“Fascinating…”

“That’s a first”

“Tis alien! Such a head must be excellent for penetration and the lack of sheath is bizarre”

Her whole examination was making me a little embarrassed, “Like it?”

Her blush grew deep as she reached out to stroke it gently, “We think so”

I could tell she was starting to get excited just from the sight, the room starting to swirl more and more with her scent til eventually her curiosity took control. In a slow flip she straddled over me letting it poke her back. Her eyes met mine, face flustered from the wet touch against my stomach. She was embarrassed to be seen so vulnerable.

“W-we are ready” she shivered against me, suddenly cold at such exposure.

“How about we try a position that’s a little warmer hm?”

Confused on what to do I gently laid her down beside me with her backside my way. Now joining me beneath the covers and hugged close I rested myself directly against her entrance. She rubbed against desperate.

I whispered to her ear, “Tell me how you want it okay?” Luna bit her lip only nodding.

Then with most cautious pace I began to enter. She was tight and hot, burning with pleasure, squeezing a hunger to just pump away yet I remained slow. Luna was sure hold me at her speed with a hoof, pushing and easing at my hip before stopping me altogether.

“Wait….” She moaned. “We n-need a m-moment.. j-just a m-moment” and so I stayed still.

A few seconds passed and with it she began to push herself the rest of the way finally coming to an end spooned against me. Luna had completely taken it all.

“You feel wonderful” I shivered in pleasure.

She huffed, “… you as well” wiggling her butt into me making sure to squeeze in as close as possible. “Do you mind if we stay like this for a while longer?” I don’t argue holding her close, stealing some warmth. “This feeling is… right. We…. Joey I know we were meant to find each other. I know now”

“I’d like to believe so…”

Gently I rubbed along her stomach enjoying her soft underbelly as she cooed in delight. She was the goddess of softness, second to none.

“Then take our word, for we can feel in our heart it’s truth”

So much did I wish her words true. To have our love be held together by fate, impossible to untwine yet I knew it unlikely. Perhaps it was only pessimism. Perhaps my lack of belief. I sadly knew it true there was always the possibility of things falling apart. Life gave no guarantees. So at the very least I should enjoy what I have now and give myself the best chance to keep it. I needed to tell Luna about Discord.

“Lu there’s-” She squeezed tight nearly draining me on the spot. Such a feeling that could only be described with a moan.

“Sorry… we are ready”

“Now you can’t wait?”

She turned her head peering back with the corner of her eye, “You have stirred this beast, now tame it”

Wow that’s hot, Discord can fucking wait

Gliding back I left her hot grasp, quickly returning and delivering our first. Still gentle I reeled back the end of each thrust, her confident display quickly shattered after only a few more. She was delicate, nearly squealing from the sensation. Her hoof failing to hide much of her moans.

“Eeeeuhhh J-Joey! P-please… we can’t…” I stopped checking her instantly.

“You okay?”

Her body huffed gasping for breath, “This… we keep holding our breath. Forgive us…”

“Am I going too fast?” Surely that wasn’t the case.

“N-no… no.. actually we wouldn’t mind you… perhaps trying a different um… position?” She was embarrassed once again, the situation so new. “It just feels like a lot”

“Yeah sure… maybe… like this?”

Laying on her stomach, her rumps natural juiciness stuck it in the air in prime position. I rested myself between the cheeks like a landing bay plane ready to dock.

She nodded back to me three times quickly in succession and so I began again. This position more primal I couldn’t help but start to lose myself in the feeling. My throbbing steel held ever so tightly in Luna’s love. She went limp against me, her brain failing to function. I leaned over close near her ear.

“This feel better?”

She turned to me panting from her blush, “More…”

It was exactly what I wanted to hear, beginning to slowly speed up until her flank became more similar to a sea of waves, crashing against my coastline. She couldn’t help but stick herself back into me breaking our rhythm.

“S-sorry”

“Don’t be”

Closing her mouth with my own I started to really pick up turning Luna into a feverish state, nearly incapable of thought. I was nearing my limit when I noticed her own sounds becoming more and more frequent, more and more loud. The bedsheets could only muffle so much of her shouts.

Drowned in sensation I pushed faster, hungrier, not to be denied the explosive feeling welling up inside up until the point Luna squeezed tight around me, her own thighs clenching without control. I was drained of everything, shooting a seemingly endless climax deep into her. Exhaustion took over and I fell flat at her side, drenched in sweat.

“That was… amazing”

She stayed with her face resting in my bed ass still pointed toward the air. “We are… dead”

I pulled her face to me giving a small kiss.

“Was that too much?”

She didn’t even open her eyes, “We do not have the energy to move, only sleep”

“I’m *yawn* pretty tired too…”

I was beat as well, unable to open my eyes for a second. Blind I could still feel Luna climb over to me, resting a hoof around and her head on my shoulder. She was spent as well.

CLOP OVER

She was warm, so warm and somehow in more than a physics sense, as if her presence alone warmed my insides. She was euphoric, making sleep more of a displeasure than anything. I wished to greedily hold on for as much as I could take. I peeked an eye for one last look at the sleeping beauty. Her expression so peaceful and elegant, still royalty without effort. Why I could get used to this.

“You seemed as if you had something to tell us earlier?” I looked again, surprised to hear her voice with such energy.

“Y-yeah… ?”

She noticed my blaring confusion giggling behind a hoof, “We have already fallen asleep my love. I simply placed us back into a familiar setting”

Sure enough we were still in bed only the room held a natural dim light without a single candles fire. Luna rested still on my chest, her big bright eyes admiring my features.

“Pretty nice dream I’ll admit, getting to look at such a beautiful mare all night”

“Comforting you find our appearance so mesmerizing” she smirked. “It should not be an issue then if we keep you for tonight, or perhaps forever. Surely Pinkie and Twilight have had their fair share”

“You’ll have to ask them about it first, I don’t think either will take it very kindly”

“Then we will have to take thee by force” She nuzzled into my neck showing her powers through cuddles.

They were overbearing.

“Please spare the women and kids”

“We shall spare only those deserving” we shared a little laugh when Luna turned a moment serious. “What was it you wished to tell us, earlier before we.. started. We would like to find out before we forget as well”

I’d almost forgot, “I hate to sorta ruin the mood but, it does have to do with Discord”

Her face soured briefly, “His name certainly brings bad tidings”

“Well if you didn’t like him before you’re sure to hate him worse”

“Worse? What possibly could he have done?”

“Where do I even start…”

I’m trying

by wubnub

0 Prologue

1 Introduction

2 A Long Day

3 Pinkie’s ‘hooman’ Helper

4 Generosity & Kindness

5 Moving Out

6 Downhill

7 Mistakes

8 Roommates

**9 Nightmare Night

10 Apologies & Confessions

11 Admittance

12 Hopeless Romantic

13 A Dash of Recklessness

14 Pony Christmas

15 A Trip to Canterlot

16 A Tall White Fountain Played

17 New Beginnings

18 One Weird Wedding

19 A Special Bond (CLOP)

20 Crystal Chaos

21 Paint the Town Pink

22 Wonderbolt Worries (CLOP)

23 Royal Arrival

24 Prince Marshall

25 No Pony is Perfect

26 Movies, Magic, and More

27 Joey Appreciation Fan Club

28 Some Secrets are Better left Buried

29 Too Many Errands

BONUS: Pink Lavender (CLOP)

30 Family Bonding?

31 Irreplaceable

32 Sucking Scary

33 Maud

34 Conflicted Coziness (CLOP)