Fluttershy has always been a warm, motherly presence in her friends' lives, so filled with kindness, caring, and love. But when she is once again reminded of the one aspect of her life yet missing while on a train ride to Ponyville, the Bearer of Kindness will find herself confronting her Very Special Somepony... or Somedraconequus, with a very special request.
How will Equestria survive the results? And what will the in-laws think!?
Special Thanks to Toriandthehorse for being a great co-admin, a great editor and proofreader, and a great friend.
Once Luster Dawn had been seen off with her new friends down in Ponyville, the Princess Twilight and her friends Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Spike, Pinkie Pie (with son Lil Cheese in tow), and Fluttershy returned once more to the business of running the nation of Equestria. The young Luster may have been free to learn the magic of friendship, as they all had once, but these six mares and one dragon had a duty to perform.
And so… three days of meetings and deliberations ensued. Not everything could be resolved with a song and dance number, much to Pinkie’s dismay, but said Party Pony managed to keep the event as lively as possible throughout the Council of Friendship’s task. They even managed to slip in some fun here and there, untainted by bureaucracy or paperwork, a description the Princess alone would have taken offense at.
But with the Council adjourned, the closest friends in Equestria had to say goodbye once more. Cloudsdale had all hooves on deck for the upcoming Fall Storms, so Rainbow had to get her Wonderbolts’ withers in gear, and Sweet Apple Acres would need Applejack’s strength to secure the barns and farm-animals before the thunderclouds rolled in. Rarity would stay in Canterlot for a few more days to attend some shows, a few soirees, and check up on her boutique in the city, to say nothing of joining Spike and perhaps Twilight herself on an expedition to the gem caverns below.
With the animal sanctuary in constant need of attention, and Lyra and Bonbon’s anniversary to plan, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie needed to return to Ponyville in a hurry. Well, not so much of a hurry that they couldn’t enjoy a nice train ride together. The car they sat in was lightly attended, which made it a far more soothing time for Fluttershy. She was used to the odd pony or creature asking for an autograph or wanting to meet one of the Six… but tonight she was thankful nopony would be causing a ruckus around her and Pinkie.
Except of course, for Lil Cheese. The little colt possessed an energy that Fluttershy could feel as he bounced around the cabin, admiring literally every piece of furniture and decoration in the room. And light fixtures. And a few of the other passengers. And the candy cart.
Oh. And he never once let go of his rubber chicken.
At least for the first five minutes. By then, Fluttershy had gotten her tail wrapped around him, pulled Cheese into an ‘auntie hug’, and with a few well-placed coos and nuzzles had the little tyke down for the count and fast asleep for the train’s duration.
For once, Pinkie Pie was flabbergasted, “But… how? It took me hours to get him to sleep last night!”
“Oh, it’s not all that hard,” Fluttershy said softly, a sleeping Pie on her lap, “foals just need structure, love, and enough freedom to make them feel independent, safely.”
“Sort of like Discord?”
Fluttershy was about to disagree… only to helplessly nod instead. “He’s a lot better than he used to be.”
Pinkie chuckled, pulling a bit of candy from her bushy, frizzy mane and sucking on it, “Well, when ‘tear the world apart with pure chaos’ is your ‘used to be’, that’s a low bar.”
“Pinkie…”
“Relax!” the pink party planner pony smiled, “I like the guy! He still makes it rain chocolate for my birthday. And he makes you happy, so who cares what anypony else thinks?”
Fluttershy smiled at that. It was true… Discord made a place in his home for Fluttershy and her animals. He gave her a place in his heart too, in that emotionally vulnerable spot he guarded like it was a dragon hoard. She loved that about him. She loved… everything about him.
Pinkie kept talking, “It’s like with me and Cheese. So many ponies and creatures thought it’d never last…”
Nocreature had ever thought that, Fluttershy thought to herself. Even Discord sometimes wondered if Pinkie had managed to keep some of his duplicating and transforming magic from that whole Grogar’s Bell incident, the fact that everypony knew Cheese Sandwich from before be darned…
“… but here we are!” she looked down at her foal with glistening eyes. Eyes that held the raw, untempered love and joy and laughter of Pinkie Pie… all now for her Lil Cheese.
It was a sight that almost brought Fluttershy to tears. But… not for the reasons one might have expected. She looked down herself at the colt. The way his coat and mane actually matched Fluttershy made her think… of a little… oh no.
This was a bad train of thought. This was very bad, and Fluttershy knew she had mere seconds to think of something else or change what she was looking at, or perhaps leap out the window and fly back to her old cottage before it showed on her face and Pinkie…
Pinkie Pie locked gazes with Fluttershy. Oh… ponyfeathers. Pinkie couldn’t have missed it.
She didn’t. “Fluttershy!” she whisper-gasped, “Did… did you want children!?”
“N-no…”
But Pinkie saw it. “I saw it! My left forehoof shivered twice, and my right ear flicked once on its own!” She leaned in close, uncomfortably close… Pinkie Pie close, and said, “My Pinkie Sense is telling me that you actually want one too!”
Fluttershy leaned back so as to prevent her eyeballs from making direct contact with Pinkie’s own. She managed to whisper back, “Um… it’s a bit more complicated…”
Pinkie gasped, and slid back to her seat, “Oh my goodness! You’ve always been so motherly, and it’s because you want to be a mother, but you’re not sure if Discord wants or even can have kids and you don’t want to put that sort of pressure on him, but you also wonder if he wants kids like you or if he’s too immature to handle that sort of responsibility…”
Fluttershy, from years of experience, knew to just let her friend continue. It wasn’t that she would eventually get it out of her system so much as even Pinkie would eventually need to stop for breath, water, or a cupcake… and not necessarily in that order.
“… and then you’ll have to decide if saving the world is worth destroying your evil red-and-black alicorn of chaos son, but the power of love and friendship will prove too much…”
Wow. Look at her go.
Eventually, Fluttershy realized they would reach Ponyville before Pinkie was done, and so by the second trilogy (of a planned twelve-part series somehow already written inside Pinkie’s mind), the yellow pegasus was ready to step back in.
“You’re right, Pinkie,” her gentle whisper cut through Pinkie’s tirade instantly, “I’m afraid of the time commitment to raising a child, and while we’ve talked a little about it, I still don’t know if Discord truly wants children.” She began gently stroking Cheese’s mane, “And it wouldn’t be fair to either of us if I wanted them, but he didn’t.”
Pinkie did not continue in her rambling way or go off on another tangent or do much of anything, really. She sat back, and seemed to ponder the problem. She tapped her chin a few times with one hoof, and then hummed a few familiar bars of some song Fluttershy was sure she’d once joined in on, but couldn’t place.
“Do you love Discord?” she finally asked, leveling a hard glare right at Fluttershy.
“Yes.” There wasn’t even a hint of hesitation.
Pinkie nodded, and continued, “Do you want kids?”
Silence. The cabin was largely silent except for the low rumble of the train’s engine and the clackity-clack of its wheels on track. “Yes,” she finally said, with all the conviction of her first answer.
“Good, good,” Pinkie seemed almost satisfied. “So… have you asked him?”
Fluttershy blinked once. Then twice. Then, she turned and stared out the window, watching the sun vanish over the rapidly approaching Ponyville rooftops.
Have I…?
It was that question that haunted Fluttershy all the way back to Ponyville. She couldn’t seem to remember actually asking Discord about it, but instead of answering Pinkie, she’d spent the entire trip back staring at Lil Cheese and wondering…
The walk back to her old cottage was nice, this time at night. Ponyville had grown quite a bit since Twilight’s coronation, which was partly why Fluttershy had accepted Discord’s offer to live in his dimension. There were all kinds of ponies and other creatures who lived in and around the once-quiet little town, and new buildings and accommodations had to be put up for them.
The one Fluttershy liked the most were the new streetlights. Powered by some sort of crystal magic Twilight tried to explain to her, Fluttershy was most happy with them because their light was magic, able to be seen by most creatures, while not bothering the local animal life or obstructing the stars.
It didn’t hurt that the lights made her feel a little safer. Element Bearer or not, the darkness could sometimes still give Fluttershy a fright!
There were even creatures up and about, noticeably the Batponies who moved in after a particularly rowdy Nightmare Night a few years back. Luna had recommended the town to her Night Guard as a pleasant place to retire, and it seemed more than a few took her up on that offer. There was a night-market where one could get anything even well-past the normal bedtime around these parts, and Fluttershy knew Trixie was hosting some sort of magic-show or contest on the other side of town. She could see the fireworks.
None of that was for the yellow pegasus though. She merrily trotted out of town, and headed for her old home. The cottage was well-kept, even if it mostly served as an office and convenient place for the mailcreatures to deliver for Fluttershy. There had been union complaints a few Council meetings back over some mail-carriers getting lost in the eternal seas of Chaos…
Her tree still stood by the road a little way out of town. There were few animals around these days, most either remaining in the Sanctuary or still living in Discord’s realm. Still, Fluttershy whistled softly to the nightbirds who watched her from the nearby branches, and got a lovely response in kind, so she quickly opened up a little bag of seed she’d snapped up at the night market, and spread it around her yard for the little dearies.
After going inside, Fluttershy felt herself calm immediately. Not that she was anxious this night… okay, maybe a little anxious, but her old home still smelled the way she liked. The carpets were her carpets, and the tea sitting in the tin can in her kitchen was still her tea. She loved living with Discord… but there was something about this old cottage that made her heart smile.
So, Fluttershy switched on a lamp, warmed a pot of tea, grabbed herself a book on sloths, and nuzzled down deep into a comfy blanket. He should be back shortly…
As soon as she thought this, Fluttershy took off her reading glasses, and set them, the book, and her cup of tea aside, and then looked towards the door just before it slammed open.
The Lord of Chaos hefted two suitcases as he entered, a bright smile all over his Draconequus face. And, for some reason, a blue and white-polka-dotted dress and apron, and a bright red wig.
“Flutters! I’m home!” he announced cheerfully. “Hope you and the girls had a lovely time, because that O and O convention was fantastic!”
Fluttershy smiled, then took back her tea cup, “We did, thank you. I’m glad you had a good time too, Discord. Tell me about it.”
Discord waved his claw nonchalantly, costume vanishing and suitcases wandering off as he spoke, “Oh, where to begin? I suppose nothing too crazy went on… though at one point everyone’s characters came to life and threatened to destroy Equestria- NOT MY FAULT!” he added quickly, “I mean, who the heck expects holograms to suddenly gain sapience and turn evil!?”
Fluttershy just continued smiling as he regaled her with the past three days of stories and tales. It sounded like quite the adventure. Even with a grain… or a bag of salt, Fluttershy could tell the last few days had been a wild ride for her very special somedraconequus. Everycreature’s characters came to life, which meant there were suddenly hundreds of evil alicorns running amuck, time-traveling pirate versions of the Elements of Harmony attacked at one point, and even King Sombra came back again. The whole thing was wrapped up neatly inside of thirty minutes by Discord creating another universe for all the extra creatures to live in.
Sombra was blown up again though. So, it all ended well enough.
But through the entire story, as Discord danced on the roof and used puppets and lasers to recount his time at the convention, Fluttershy began to notice something. As Discord performed, she could only seem to focus on him. And not just the him before her, but the Discord of years past. The Discord she’d grown to care for. Maybe it was the tea, but a warm, fuzzy feeling passed through her whole body as she thought, settling right in her chest.
She could see him like this, in the future. His performance, his style… she couldn’t help but wonder how much fun a little foal would have with him.
Discord’s tale complete, he bowed low. And despite there being an audience of one, the sound of applause may well have been deafening to him, considering the smile on his lips.
“Thank you!” he said, catching a bouquet of flowers from somewhere, “Thank you! Now…” he appeared at Fluttershy’s side, fingers waiting to snap, “Let’s get you home and whip up something warm for dinner. I bet you’re famished!”
A yellow hoof lay on his claw-hand. His eyes met hers.
“Discord…” she had to know, “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything, of course,” he said, a hint of… perhaps concern entered his voice. What was this about? “I am an open book!”
Fluttershy somehow managed not to gasp as his… head split open to reveal a pop-up book, starring Discord and her. Her heart was racing a mile a minute, but she held together.
Now or never. “You know how much I love our animals,” she began with force, but she could feel that power and confidence ebb as she looked into Discord’s wondering eyes, “and… and I do love our lives together, truly.”
Why was her mouth so dry? Where’d that tea go? Oh well, in for a bit…
“But I want something more. Somepony…”
Now or never.
“… a foal of my own. Our own,” she reached out a hoof and placed it as close to his chest as she could reach.
The cottage was silent. Discord hadn’t changed expression since she started, never moved his eyes or his ears or anything. He even managed to not levitate or transmute anything around the two. He left everything as it was.
The Spirit of Chaos turned, and looked away from Fluttershy. She couldn’t see his face, only feel her own heart begin pounding. And the longer she looked away, the louder and louder that sound became, until she was sure even he could hear it.
“Oh Fluttershy…” he whispered, his voice cracking.
Had she ruined it? Did he…? Could he…? Hot tears threatened to spill out of Fluttershy on the spot.
Discord slowly turned around, and his eyes caught the breath in Fluttershy’s chest.
“I could always hear your heart,” he said, a soft smile radiating from his whole face, directly into the yellow pegasus’ heart. He scooped her up into his arms and the two strangest creatures in Equestria hugged one another as though they would never let go.
“You mean it!?” Fluttershy joyously shouted, as much as she could, “You… you’re not just saying…?”
He set her down and laughed, “Of course! I’ve been waiting for you to ask for years!”
Fluttershy’s ears perked. “Really?”
“My dear, you are the most motherly, loving pony I know,” the old Draconequus smiled, “You wanting foals was as likely as the sun coming up.”
“Considering how often we’ve had to deal with something or somecreature who could stop that,” Fluttershy teased, “I suppose my reaction might not have seemed inevitable.”
“Yes, well…” Discord blushed, “I might have been… a little worried you wouldn’t want to have foals… with me…”
She gasped, “Why would you think that?”
“Um, hello?” Discord pulled his green leg off and began shaking it up and down, dumping what appeared to be a small mountain of candy corn onto Fluttershy’s floor.
She only shook her head, and gave her friend a disapproving stare, “I never once thought you were ugly, Discord. And I’ve never really been bothered by weird.”
The Draconequus scratched at his beard. “True… I’ve always said you were the odd one.”
“So…” she wasn’t sure where to go from here, “We both… we both want this.”
The songbirds outside had gone quiet. The house was completely, and utterly devoid of sound. Save, naturally, for the tea set, which now tried to sneak out of the room and leave the pegasus and the Lord of Chaos to their discussion. It kept finding the squeaky floorboards, however.
“Are you sure?” Discord asked slowly, hesitantly, “You know we can’t take it back. I’m told there’s a strict no-return policy on these things.”
She reached up and grabbed his paw with her hooves.
“Yes.” There was nothing else to say. Her smile spoke entire libraries of love into being.
Discord nodded. “Then, if you’re ready…”
She blushed. “W-what? Now?”
“No time like the present.”
Her blush hit critical mass, her face turning into a stuttering mess of emotions, “I… I… um, I guess… I guess so…”
Fluttershy gazed up into those yellow and crimson eyes with her own. Though in her mind a hurricane of doubts and questions flew... her stare never once wavered from Discord’s. And she felt…
"With you," she said, finally, and smiled, "of course."
"Then close your eyes..."
She did so, her smile never leaving, only added to by the deep blush that came over her face. She could hear him come closer, nearer. They had been friends for so long. And then so much more since then. She felt his breath on her face, and then his claw on her mane...
"Ow!" she cried and snapped her eyes open. She reached up and rubbed the top of her head, right where Discord had torn out a single pink hair. "Discord!?"
The Draconequus didn't seem to notice, instead inspecting the hair with a careful eye.
“Hmmm, good genes,” he mused to himself, “Not the strongest wings, but that won’t matter so much. Potential for stigmatisms should be taken care of. Unconditional love or not, glasses are not a good look…”
The irritation in Fluttershy’s voice couldn’t be masked, “Discord, what in the horsefeathers was that about!?”
Seemingly satisfied with whatever he found, Discord wrapped the strand around his first talon like a ribbon, and then solemnly raised his claw into the air.
“This.”
[Snap!]
The torrential magicks of Chaos tore across the fabric of space, time, and other similar dimensions. Worlds burned, lives re-written, the pillars of the universe shook to their foundation.
But those were other worlds.
In this world, the land of Equestria, the mighty theurgical power of Chaos knocked a single ball out of place, nudging it a few micro-centimeters to the left, which caused it to bump into another ball, and another… until the four-thousandth and seventy-second iteration, whereupon, a ball with the number 12 emblazoned on it bumped into a ball marked with the number 87, causing that ball to be selected by an attending hoof instead.
“Number 87,” a bored unicorn stallion sighed into a speaker. “Number… 87.”
“Bingo!” an unmistakable example of the Royal Canterlot Voice roared out in the pleasant, seaside hall. Its wielder, a dark-blue alicorn, trotted merrily up to the prize table, a perfectly cheery grin plastered across her face.
Princess Luna, the retired diarch of Equestria, loved Bingo.
Her sister, Princess Celestia, who had been sitting beside her, huffed and folded her forelegs across her chest. “Not again!” she scowled.
Next to her, another retiree of the Silver Shoals community growled in a voice like a grinding tomb-door. “Confound this Bingo game. I should be glad to rip asunder the number 87’s soul and cast it into the howling madness of eternity!”
“Oh Grogar,” Celestia sighed, “You say that every time you lose. Get over it.”
A blue coated ram, topped with a magnificent pair of curling horns and a fringe of white mane, fixed the white alicorn with a scowl of his own.
“Should the proverbial pot call its nemesis, the kettle, black of hue, though it would be correct it would also be the height of hypocrisy!”
Luna cantered back, an electric-light-up scrunchy holding her ethereal mane back and a fresh set of Bingo cards held aloft in her magic. “Oh ho!” she laughed, “I do so love your verbal spars, Grogar! How humorous!”
Grogar pouted. “I am not humorous. I am the Father of Monsters…”
Celestia rolled her eyes and began to mouth the old ram’s speech along with him (for he gave that same speech almost every day since they’d bumped into the Father of Monsters their first day of retirement), when he suddenly paused.
A flicker of coruscating violet light rippled up, down, and between his horns. He seemed… completely dumbfounded. Shocked. Taken so aback as to be rendered catatonic.
“Um,” Celestia leaned in, “Mr. Grogar? Are… are you okay?”
“Tia,” Luna frowned, “He just burst with magical energy.”
Grogar finally spoke, gravely voice just above a whisper. “No… and nothing will ever be okay again. The grinding, plutonian shores of Tartarus could pull back to reveal an Elysian field where every dream were a reality, and every heart sang true… and it would not matter.”
He turned his old eyes towards the former Princesses, and made his cataclysmic pronouncement.
“For you see… Grogar has become… the Grandfather of Monsters!”
[/Snap!]
It took several long, drawn out seconds for Fluttershy to blink away the blinding white light of Discord’s magic, and another few moments to banish the little swimming dots from her vision, which always made her a little sad as they reminded her of little butterflies only she could see.
“Discord,” she began, glancing about for him, “I don’t… understand…”
A hospital bed sat in the center of her home, gurney and all. And laying in it, beneath a thin blanket, Discord looked like he’d just run a marathon, swam the ocean, and sprinted headlong into a Buffalo migration. He was plastered with sweat, mane flattened, and eyes red and weary.
Well… redder than normal.
But that was not what stopped Fluttershy’s breath in her throat. No, it was the tiny bundle of swaddling the Lord of Chaos held in the crook of one arm.
“Would,” he managed through ragged breaths, “you like… to meet her?”
Fluttershy weakly stepped towards him. She came around to one side of the bed, and with motions as timid and as gentle as ever she’d made before… she reached out her wings and took up the filly.
It... she looked just like Fluttershy did as a foal. The only difference she could see were the blue bat-wings in place of her own pegasus ones, and a single black stripe through her otherwise identical pink mane.
"I think she has my eyes,” Discord chuckled through a haze.
Indeed, Fluttershy looked down at the little foal, and managed to not flinch at all as its yellow and crimson eyes stared back at her from underneath the bushiest white eyebrows she ever saw. In fact, instead of cringing or flinching or staring blindly… Fluttershy couldn't help but smile warmly at the sight of her own, beautiful foal.
"Hello there, my little Ann," said Fluttershy, cooing at her little one.
"Ann?" the Lord of Chaos, exhausted, asked.
Fluttershy nuzzled her foal, "Like Anarchy. I thought you'd like it?"
"Well, I don't like it," Discord sighed contentedly, "I love it..."
Anarchy, as she was thus dubbed, giggled, before reaching out one of her little wings… and by pressing two of her wings’ ‘fingers’ together… she snapped!
The nearby sofa couch instantly transformed into a chair-shaped wheel of cheese. And then it caught a blaze.
Fluttershy and Discord, now out of bed, stared at the melting, cheesy mess, and then back to the bubbling, cooing, laughing bundle of joy that had just impacted their lives like a climate-shifting asteroid strike.
“Alright you foals!” Wonderbolt Captain Rainbow Dash shouted to a line of uniformed mares and stallions atop the highest clouds around Cloudsdale, “I don’t wanna be up this early ever! So, when I say our mission is important… you can bet your feathers that it is!”
Rainbow Dash stood with the sun to her back as it crested the horizon. Even with her aviators on, deep down inside she despised seeing the morning sun. It was like a needling reminder that she hadn’t slept nearly enough the night before. Or the day before. Or… just enough ever.
Oh well. Those stormclouds weren’t gonna move themselves. That'd just be weird.
She held up a set of folders with one wing, “Now, Equestria is counting on us to deliver the right amount of rainwater to wherever it is that needs it most! These storms are vital to the continued production of flowers, wheat, carrots, apples… apple cider… and everything else that’s good to eat, so once you get your assignments, you will follow them to the letter!”
She tossed a sidelong glance towards Soarin, her second in command. He nodded, affirming he was ready for this. That’s what an entire pot of black coffee will do for you, Dash supposed. The stuff got her too jittery to fly right.
“Wonderbolts,” she took a quieter, more solemn tone, like Spitfire taught her, “This is our sacred duty, and nothing will keep each and every one of us from doing our jobs…”
Her ears twitched. Was that… thunder? No, couldn’t be. There weren’t any clouds above her, and the factory was still waiting on those moisture deliveries. Though, considering how many of her Wonderbolts’ eyes were drifting somewhere above Dash’s head right now...
Something landed in Dash’s mane, right on top of the swept-pomp. Experience at being a leader had given Rainbow the ability to show no emotion in tough situations, and it was with this stoicism that she reached up with her hooves and dislodged the offending envelope and letter which had dared interrupt her speech.
Soarin watched as his longtime friend and Captain ripped open the letter with her teeth, and then began to scan its contents. He knew her for being the most level-headed, mature pegasus he’d ever had the pleasure of working with. No, really. She’d calmed down a lot over the years, and Spitfire had earned her name before Dash’s time as Captain. He’d seen her face down hydras, manticores, demons… even Applejack that one time she’d forgotten their dinner plans with Lyra and Bonbon…
It had been a long, long time since Soarin had seen a Rainbow Dash freakout. It would only be the first remarkable thing he saw this morning.
The whole wad of folders crashed into his chest, and it was all he could do not to stumble and fall off the cloud itself. He barely heard her rushed words as Dash screamed, “Sorry-Soarin-I-gotta-take-this-gotta-see-a-pony-about-a-horse-I-knew-you’d-understand-take-over-for-a-bit-buddy!”
The second remarkable thing Soarin saw this morning was a Sonic Rainboom. He never expected to see one on takeoff especially, nor the second one moments later as his Captain whipped back around in mid-air, but then… working with Rainbow Dash was always surprising. And as he and the other Wonderbolts stared at the tidal wave of rainbow light that washed over Cloudsdale, he could almost swear he heard Dash’s words as she hurtled into the distance.
“I’m coming Shy!!!!”
“Are you sure I can’t entice you to stay for another day?” the Princess-Regnant of Equestria said to the purple-maned fashion icon, and one of her five co-rulers as they walked down the streets of Canterlot. “I’m sure I could announce another Royal Fashion Show…?”
Rarity chuckled, lady-like as ever, “I’m happy to see you’re finally taking advantage of your Royal Prerogative, Twilight darling. But I’m afraid it cannot be helped,” she paused to purchase a bottle of… something Twilight was sure had something to do with fashion, “Thorax is expecting me in the Badlands within the next few days. And I cannot delay the Changeling Fashion Revolution any longer!”
Spike, struggling under a mountain of bags filled with Rarity’s Changeling Revolution’s fabrics and other materials, huffed as he added, “Maybe they can start with the name. Seriously… the ‘Badlands’ still?”
The local elite of Canterlot bowed and knelt as the three passed, despite the copious number of edicts, proclamations, legislations, and decrees Twilight Sparkle had written which asked them to, please, stop that. Twilight hadn’t enjoyed the attention when she’d first become a Princess, and now that she had to deal with the severe height difference as well… well, it was a bit irritating to be reminded of how different one was from those she really wanted to see as friends and fellow ponies.
She ought to write Celestia again. That was a good outlet for those sorts of emotions.
Twilight hoped her desperation for a little more companionship wasn’t showing, but Rarity’s keen eye never failed to catch such details. “Though,” she drew the words out slow and dramatically, “I suppose one more day couldn’t hurt. Would you care to join me for lunch with Sassy tomorrow?”
Twilight smiled, gratefully, “I believe I can make some room in the schedule for that! I gotta say,” she nodded politely to a unicorn stallion who had knelt down before her… and winked at the little filly by his side who watched the Princess with stars in her eyes, “I finally realize what Celestia and Luna were feeling all those years ago, when they wanted to get out and adventure again. Running a government is mostly paperwork, bureaucracy, and schedules…”
“Which you love,” Spike grunted.
She snorted in a very un-Princessly way, “Most of the time! But once in a while, I miss having wacky adventures with you girls. The closest I come to that these days is a weekly meeting with Prince Blueblood.”
Rarity scoffed, “My dear, please. Do not speak his name. I feel absolutely filthy being compared to that… that…”
“I know, I know,” Twilight placated, “He’s not nearly as bad as he used to be though. High office and age have mellowed him out, and I’m always surprised how... accommodating his views on pony-creature relations are. Plus, he brings his daughter around for the meetings. She’s too cute! I think Pearl Rose has some real talent with magic too…”
Rarity tossed a rather peevish look over her shoulder, “I believe Applejack would say something to the effect of apples not falling far from their trees. I do hope you take her under your wing someday, if only to spare the dear…”
She paused in place, a sudden, stomach-turning thought coming to her, “Oh dear… what poor mare had to marry that incorrigible…?”
But before more could be said, a strange puff of wind and sound dropped an envelope onto her mane. A second one followed, depositing another atop Rarity, who swiftly removed the offending item before it did any permanent damage to her style.
A third puff landed an envelope atop Spike’s stack of Rarity’s shopping needs, instantly toppling his precariously balanced mountain of goods and burying the dragon.
“I avoid having a hoard for this very reason,” he sneered beneath the bag-avalanche.
The streets cleared instantly as the envelopes appeared. Plain-clothes changeling guards swept out of hiding with a ferocious speed and secured their purple sovereign, her advisor, and her fellow ruler. They formed a perimeter so quickly, it left Rarity and Twilight’s heads spinning.
“Um… this seems unnecessary,” Twilight hummed as the envelopes were tossed to the ground and surrounded by a unicorn-guard’s orange containment spell.
“Good heavens,” Rarity looked around, bewildered, “I didn’t even realize we had a guard detail.”
One changeling with a golden carapace and bright blue compound eyes saluted them. “Your Highnesses, we are always watching you.” The bright blush that came to his face was followed with an embarrassed, “that didn’t come out right…”
Another guard, the teal-coat and red-maned unicorn mare who’d cast the containment spell, saluted Princess Twilight, “Princess, as per protocol, during a spike in unknown magical signals, the Royal Ponies are to be secured to prevent a cessation of governing functions.”
“Well,” Twilight snorted, “I think that’s taking protocol a little…” she bit her lip. Then, she sighed, “I wrote that one, didn’t I?”
“Princess Luna enacted most of the security protocols you wrote while studying under Celestia, yes,” the guardpony said.
Twilight shook her head before taking back the envelopes in her magical aura, “Summer reading projects from when I was twelve shouldn’t be used as the basis of a governmental security system.”
Rarity took a close look at the envelopes. “Unknown magic?”
With that, one of the Changelings trotted up with a popsicle stick. He reached it out towards the envelope, and Twilight allowed contact. Within seconds, the stick turned an off-white gray color.
“Discord?” Twilight frowned. “What does he want?”
“Darling, how do you know the letters are from Discord?”
Twilight smiled, “I developed a color-coded system for identifying spellcasters based on their unique magical aura and thaumic signature. Though in this case…”
She lifted up the popsicle with her magic, revealing the tiny white eyebrows which had grown out the end. She incinerated the stick with a thought, and then turned a curious eye towards the envelopes again… only to pause, and raise her ears.
Spike was the first to interrupt her sudden meditation, “Twi? Got something?”
But before she could answer, everycreature else heard it as well. A low rumble off to the north. It almost sounded like thunder, but that wasn’t scheduled for another…
The Sonic Rainboom crested the tip of Mount Canterhorn, its radiant light and beauty shining across the city. Such a sight was only marred by a single, rainbow-hued vapor trail tearing away from the brilliant explosion, and heading directly towards the region of Ponyville.
Twilight and Rarity watched the blue dot rocket away through the sky, dragging out that rainbow trail like nothing else. Or, nopony else. They instantly knew what it was they were seeing, though they hardly expected what happened next.
For just as Rainbow Dash passed the city, she hit a new level of speed. A third Sonic Rainboom erupted from her body as she took the speed of sound and made it cry uncle.
“Shyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” the distant sound could just barely be heard above both the cacophony that was the Rainboom, now bathing the city again in rainbow light and color. In fact, the white-hot dot that was Rainbow Dash was already miles ahead of the sound of her own voice.
Twilight, watching and listening to Rainbow’s unprecedented speeding ticket write itself, suddenly flicked her attention to the envelope held in her aura. With the barest glimmer of power, she incinerated the envelope, leaving the letter unharmed. She unfolded it, and began to scan through its contents.
When she was done, the Princess, Rarity, and Spike vanished in a crackle of magical light.
In another world, Rainbow Dash came down too hard, right into Fluttershy’s window. The resulting explosion devastated the landscape and scarred Ponyville for generations. In another, she missed the cottage by a few too many miles, and her resulting hard bank vaporized a mountain. And everything beyond it for miles.
But in this universe, she expertly cut back on her speed, flared when she needed to, and her bank was so well controlled, only Applejack, just pounding up the road from Sweet Apple Acres, letter in mouth, could tell Rainbow was as close to true, frothing insanity as one pony’s rage could carry her.
Good thing the Apple matriarch had the sense to bring her lasso. Granny always used to say, a gal without her lasso ain’t a gal worth a lick of salt in a saloon.
With a practiced ease, she snagged the cyan pegasus’ wings and brought her back down to earth. But when Dash landed, she immediately whirled about and stomped towards Applejack.
“I’ll kill him!!!”
“Slow down there sugarcube!” Applejack said slowly, planting her hooves like she was staring down an oncoming boulder, “We don’t know…”
Their muzzles met, and Applejack… almost flinched as Rainbow Dash’s eyes glared into her very soul. “This has Discord written all over it in neon lights! I knew we shouldn’t have trusted him!”
Applejack, not one to back down, still kept her composure, “Dash, the last time Discord messed around like that were almost twenty years ago. I don’t think he’d be startin trouble now.”
“He’s been laying low! We let our guard down!” Dash’s breaths were coming out in ragged, gasps, more from her anger than the immense physical effort she’d just put in. Applejack could also tell her eyes were dilating something fierce, even if they weren’t starting to drift towards different directions as well.
“Dashie,” Applejack said with an air of warning, “You know the Doc says you can’t get worked up like this anymore. It ain’t good for yer heart…”
“This is Fluttershy we’re talking about!” Dash snapped back, one eye twitching. “I think we’d have noticed two days ago if she were gonna have a foal…!”
The air behind Rainbow Dash whipped up for a second, leaving a certain purple alicorn Princess, tall purple dragon, and purple-maned unicorn standing on the dirt path.
Rarity stepped forward, “Foal? Fluttershy? Good heavens what did I miss!?”
Twilight frowned, “The letter only mentioned a foal-shower, Rainbow. You usually have those before the baby arrives.”
The Wonderbolt Captain whirled back around, “That’s not the point!”
Applejack rolled her eyes, “Seemed like the point a second ago, darlin’.”
Rainbow just snorted and snarled at the… the traitors all around her. “Fluttershy wouldn’t do something like this without telling us. Discord’s done something, and we need to kick his butt again!”
Another voice joined the debate, though from a way off. “Hiya Twilight-Rainbow-Dash-Applejack-Rarity-and-Spike!!!”
Turning back towards Ponyville, a remarkable thing was approaching. A tremendous alligator with bizarre, purple eyes trudged along, dragging along a truly massive pink cannon by a wagon-harness. And sitting atop the perpetually-perplexed reptile was the one and only pair of party planner ponies of Ponyville and parents to the precious pink-maned prince of playfulness.
Pinkie Pie hopped off her ride and skipped straight up to her cluster of friends. Cheese and their son remained to continue Gummy’s slow slog towards the cottage.
“Isn’t this so exciting!? I can’t believe they already went ahead and did it!”
“Well they did,” Rainbow growled, “Now what are we gonna do about it? You got confetti in that cannon?”
“What!?” Pinkie’s face was pure horror, “Why would I do that!?”
Silence met her words. Silence would have taken her words out for a nice first date had Twilight not craned her long neck down to add, “Um… because you’re Pinkie Pie?”
“Normally,” the pink pony allowed, “I’d give you that. But I remember what having Lil Cheese was like… and a confetti style party just wouldn’t do.”
Rarity measured the cannon as it approached, “So… what is the… cannon for?”
Cheese Sandwich, now close enough to easily join in, laughed and said, “She calls it the Baby Howitzer!”
Pinkie smiled, “It’s filled with diapers, foal-food, a few backup blankets, and more hoof-wipes than you can shake a stick at!”
“Well,” Applejack beamed, “That’s mighty considerate of you, Pinkie. Jus’ so long as yer planning on unloading that thing instead of firing it…”
Pinkie helped Lil Cheese onto her back as Gummy came to a stop, “Course, I’ve had a little extra time to plan this than you guys. What with my Pinkie Sense, and Fluttershy talking about it on the train…”
Rainbow’s eyes widened, “Wait… you knew about this? Fluttershy talked about this?”
Pinkie raised an eyebrow at Dash as Lil Cheese nuzzled up to her side, “Well, yeah. Why? That weird or something?”
“It’s…” Rainbow Dash finally, finally lost that keen edge of anger that had kept her going through the sheer exertion of getting to Fluttershy’s house as fast as she did. She slumped down onto her haunches, and became quite lost in thought, her voice barely whispering, “Why didn’t she tell me…?”
Applejack sighed, then laid a comforting foreleg over Dash’s withers. “It’s probably just cause Pinkie’s already gone through the whole process, sugarcube. I know ye’ve always been a might protective were it comes to Fluttershy,” she picked up Rainbow’s head with one hoof under her chin, and met that mare’s red eyes with her own emerald green, “But right now… I’m thinkin’ she needs yer support more’n your protection. Alright?”
Rainbow Dash… smiled, at least a little bit. “Alright,” she said, “But if Discord has done something…”
“Then I’ll be the first to help ya beat him ta within an inch of his life,” Applejack said with the exact same emotion and phrasing as one might say ‘I love you’.
“Actually,” Pinkie tilted her head to one side, letting a hoof-full of sprinkles to fall out of her mane, “I just finally noticed Fluttershy was acting all whimsical and motherly around Lil Cheese and she confessed.”
Twilight Sparkle strode into the middle of her friends, and then pointed her horn towards Fluttershy’s door.
“Regardless, I think there’s somepony we should really see soon to clear all this up…”
“I… I just don’t understand,” the Lord of Chaos, the Spirit of Insanity, the Duke of the Demented, the Mayor of Mania, and the Original Steel Donut himself, sighed dejectedly. He lay almost flat against the carpet, wilted as so many flowers beneath a hot sun.
Said hot sun being his own daughter, Anarchy.
“She… she just won’t laugh!”
The chairs in the living room had been reduced to stacked vegetables, the floorboards were speaking in Prench, and the books on the shelving had been replaced by sapient whoopee cushions. And that was only what Discord had done in the past hour! Every inch of the cottage had been transmogrified at least twice already, and only partly by himself.
Ann just… didn’t get her old man’s humor. He’d started making faces, and she just stared. He tried changing things up, and it bored her. Right now, she was babbling in the most adorable fashion, sliding down the waterpark-slide she’d made with her own Chaos magic only a moment ago, and having the grandest time.
But Discord had nothing to do with it. Even his meta-humor had failed him.
“I thought the black trench coat and katana combo was still funny…”
“DISCORD!” Fluttershy called from the kitchen, “How is Ann doing!?”
“Fine,” he said just loud enough to where he thought she might hear him. He didn’t care anymore. He wasn’t useful for anything. Not when Anarchy was…
Well, now she was examining a picture on the wall. From Discord’s vantage point, it looked like one of both Fluttershy’s parents. For the first time in almost two days… she wasn’t zapping anything. She wasn’t flitting about. And she hadn’t started screaming again. Something about that picture…
And then she grabbed a second picture, one of Fluttershy’s ne’er-do-well brother Zephyr Breeze, and gobbled the whole thing down in a single bite.
“Well… no accounting for taste,” he allowed himself a little chuckle.
Fluttershy drifted in, wings flapping while she continued to stir a saucepan of formula. The poor dear hadn’t slept since the birth, and she looked it, with her mane out of place and what feathers weren’t falling out instead sticking out all akimbo. Regardless of who’d actually given birth, Fluttershy looking so flustered wasn’t a good sign.
“Formula will be ready soon Ann,” she said sweetly through the obvious strain, “I hope you’re hungry!”
Anarchy belched, and a few of Zephyr’s hair-ties fell out of her mouth. Somehow.
Discord sighed, “I think she already ate.”
“Oh my!” Fluttershy set down the pan onto a nearby-and-currently-stable veggie-chair, “Can she eat solid food so young? Most ponies can only handle mother’s milk for the first few months…”
“As I said,” Discord oozed slowly over to where Ann was currently rolling on the floor for the sheer heck of it, “I made her as randomly as any real child would be between two ponies. And while Draconequii mature very differently than ponies… I just don’t know how quickly she’ll develop compared to somepony else.”
Fluttershy walked over to her foal, and Ann’s face lit up like a lightbulb. Happily, as Fluttershy tugged on her tail to switch it off, the foal leaned in and nuzzled her mother while cooing… like a pigeon in this instance, but the message was clear.
“But you made her potty-trained because…?”
Discord scrunched his nose up, “Because there’s no way that…!”
The door to the cottage seemed to glow purple for just a moment, and then it swung inward to reveal a mass of ponies looking in.
“Oh!” Fluttershy’s eyes flashed with surprise, “Hello girls. Did something happen? We weren’t expecting any of you until…” she looked away, a hoof covering her mouth as she thought. “Discord? When did your letter say the shower was set?”
The assembled mares entered the cottage together, with Twilight having to bend down quite far to make it under the door. They all seemed to be watching Fluttershy as they entered, at least until they noticed the complete and utter disarray of the entire house. Only Rainbow Dash focused her eyes squarely onto the Draconequus sitting up on the carpet.
The fact that he wouldn’t meet her eyes seemed to only confirm her own feelings on… whatever was going on here. Which included flying salt-shakers, an assortment of photo-realistic eyeballs growing out of the ceiling, and what appeared to be a giraffe in place of every other floorboard.
“Oh,” said the Lord of Chaos, “I thought I said a few days from now, but then again,” he began to blow away into dust, “I’m not feeling so well, Miss Shy…”
“Discord…” Fluttershy sighed, “I love you… but not today?” she gave the vanishing cloud of Draconequus a tired stare.
With a sigh of his own, Discord snapped his fingers, returning the cottage to its usual standard of normalcy. He grumbled, but wasn’t in the mood to fight over it.
“See, Dash?” Twilight nodded towards Fluttershy, “Foal Shower. Nothing crazy has happened, so there’s really no excuse for all the fuss.”
“Fuss?” Rainbow snapped her eyes around to her tallest friend, “Who said I was fussing?”
Applejack chuckled, “Nopony said you was fussing, sugarcube.” Then, she added with a disgruntled frown, “We all said you were crazy.”
Fluttershy’s face flushed red, “Um… oh, No. Nothing too crazy happened here.” She then thought better of that, and added, “Wait, what did you all think happened?”
“Darling,” Rarity smiled warmly towards her friend, “Did you, or did you not have a foal? It’s a very simple question.”
“Oh, then yes. We did.”
“See? Now that wasn’t…” Rarity took a moment to analyze just what she’d heard. Then, as smoke began to waft out of her ears, she cried, “W-wh-what!!?”
The entire room gawked at Fluttershy. Some form of mute horror and shock overtook every other thought they might have had… except for Dash, whose glare turned white-hot and locked back onto Discord once more.
Fluttershy flinched, and suddenly wished she could still hide behind her mane like she used to. But she liked her hair-clip too much.
“We… we already had a foal. Just two days ago, r-right after our meeting…”
“Hold up!” Pinkie slid both Rainbow Dash and Applejack aside with a sweep of her forelegs, and then stomped straight towards Fluttershy. “Do you mean to tell me that you just… went ahead and had a foal? With magic? Chaos Magic!?” Pinkie’s eyes began to twitch as she reached Fluttershy and began to smudge the concept of personal space into nothingness.
“… yes,” the pegasus eventually managed to whisper.
Discord chuckled, sadly, “It was a snap.”
“But… but, but, but… that’s so unfair!!!” the pink pony screamed, “Carrying a foal was the worst experience of my life! I spent a year not being able to enjoy pickles and ice cream! I kept craving salads, and my hooves swelled up, and Lil Cheese kicked like a mule while he was…”
Big Cheese, knowing the signs of a Ponker-Meltdown a mile off, laid his hoof gently over her withers and tried to give a few comforting rubs along Pinkie’s back.
“Pinkie? Dearest?” he crooned in her ear, “you should eat some candy. You’re not yourself when you’re hungry…”
If looks could kill, the one Pinkie shot her husband now would have stripped him down to bones. Instead, the piercing glare and low, dog-like growl merely sent him backpedaling towards Discord, where he promptly took cover behind the Spirit of Chaos.
Fluttershy smiled, chagrined, “If it makes you feel any better… I haven’t slept since.”
Pinkie… chuckled, “Actually, yeah! It does! Great job avoiding being pregnant, I guess!” Her hair poofed out, as full and frizzy as ever, as though nothing had happened. “So! Where’s the little one?”
Applejack seemed to shake herself back to the present, “Oh, yeah. Where is the little… filly? Colt?”
“Well, she’s right… um?” Fluttershy looked to her side. Then to the other. She glanced about the room, taking in every nook and cranny. She even looked up at the ceiling, just in case.
“Ann?” she called out into the room. The scuff of hooves drew her back around towards the kitchen, where she caught a glimpse of a pink mane, and a little red eye staring out at the strange ponies that had invaded her home.
Fluttershy smiled warmly towards her daughter, and said, “Anarchy, I know it’s scary to see so many new faces at once. I’ve never liked crowds myself. But these ponies are my very best friends, and they really want to meet you. Will you come out?”
She didn’t like this. The entire world and everything in it were just fine before all these… other ponies showed up. There were so many eyes! So many eyes that could be watching her! And now Mom and Dad were talking to them!
Ann just didn’t know what to think about all this. Maybe if she…
“Ann?”
Don’t look over here. Don’t look over here. If she didn’t think too hard about Mom looking at her, maybe…
Fluttershy smiled warmly towards her daughter, and said, “Anarchy, I know it’s scary to see so many new faces at once. I’ve never liked crowds myself. But these ponies are my very best friends, and they really want to meet you. Will you come out?”
Well… of course Mom saw her now! She was thinking about it. That was always the way. It was like… well, if Ann were a little older, she might have an analogy or two to fit in there. Give her a break, she was less than forty-eight hours old.
But… Mom had called these strangers her friends? What the heck was a friend? Ann didn’t like the sound of it at all, but then Mom had never done anything to make her scared or frightened. Why would she start now?
Anarchy began walking, slowly, so slowly into the living room. She was pretty annoyed all her Chaos had been put away. Maybe Dad would help her put it back later? He was pretty weird. She liked weird.
Couldn’t let him know she liked that though. It’d ruin their game. She should probably tell him he was playing.
Later.
Right, the strangers. Ann finally reached the six strange ponies… or, five ponies and one dragon. It was funny, knowing what those words meant. It tickled in that space behind her eyes.
They all looked down on her with curious expressions. Were… were they waiting for something? Did… did they like her?
An explosion of coos and ‘D’awwwws’ answered that question thoroughly.
“She’s absolutely adorable, Fluttershy!” said the white one with a purple mane. Her eyes were actually sparkling as she said, “I demand you let me design a wardrobe for her! It’s like a little you!”
Ann tried to take a step back and away from that one as she looked like she was going to start measuring her on the spot. If her mom’s legs hadn’t stopped her retreat, she might have gotten away too.
The tallest pony, with a mane that flowed in an ethereal wind, almost wrapped her body around Ann and her mother as she was took in the filly at every angle possible. She mused, almost to herself, “Half Draconequus? But then the symmetry should… no, if the harmonics in the upper-lipidal frequencies… Fluttershy, she’s fascinating!”
“Adorable,” the dragon corrected.
“Yes, that too,” the tallest purple thing that ever purpled said.
“Shucks, sugarcube!” the orange mare was next, “She’s prettier than a shiny red apple on a summer mornin’! Ain’t that right, Dash?”
Now, while the orange one was really scary, and she made her ears hurt, Ann blushed at the compliment. But when she looked up at the blue pegasus… Ann loved her right away! Was this what friendship was like!? The way her mane was every color? The way her scowl perfectly masked a boiling sea of fear and concern? There was something so magnetic about her naked hostility that Ann found wonderful!
Dislike and Friendship. Same thing, right?
“I don’t know… is she real? Or just Discord’s magic?”
“Dash!!!”
Everypony seemed to say that at once. They harmonized well, Ann thought. Shame they weren’t in a band.
Immediately, the mood shifted. All the older ponies began arguing, yelling, and generally shouting their heads off. And to Ann, this was nothing short of beautiful. Harmony had been… nice. But a little Chaos was better! It was like the difference between… well, not that Ann knew what they smelled like, but it was like comparing the smell of fresh vegetables and fresh cookies.
But as much as she liked it… why did her tummy feel so weird? All that chaos was right there! But nopony was having… fun?
And that’s when she saw… Her. The Pink One. Ann wasn’t sure if it was her chaos senses, or some element of pony instinct, but she could tell that one was like a full-blown eight-course meal of Chaos under a fine layer of pickled chocolate.
The pink pony seemed unconcerned for the argument blowing up around her. It had gotten boring, so Ann didn’t think much of it either. Something about Dash being a jerk, or something. Who cared? Not Ann. Nope. She only had eyes for the Pink one’s little colt, who had almost Ann’s exact mane and coat color, and who even now trotted up to her with his mother’s encouragement.
“Hi!” he said, “My name’s Cheese! What’s yours?” He held out a rubber chicken to her, sharing his toy with a new… friend.
Huh. That was an interesting feeling. Much nicer, Ann decided, than Chaos without friendship.
“Gaah,” she said, “Goo babwhuh… uh?” That wasn’t right. She’d meant to say her name, hadn’t she?
She tried again, a little more frustrated, “Bhup pblbl!”
“I’m sorry, Lil Cheese,” Ann’s Mom said to the little colt, “But Ann is still too young to talk. Discord made her just a bit older than a newborn, but not that much.”
Well. That wouldn’t do at all! How was she supposed to talk to her new friend if she… couldn’t…?
Who said she couldn’t? She was Anarchy! Pony of Chaos! She could do what she wanted! When she wanted! And right now… she wanted to talk to Cheese!!!
Anarchy lifted up her long, pink tail, and with no small amount of concentration managed to force it into the rough shape of a finger and thumb. Just enough to get a snap going.
“Uh oh,” the dragon alone spotted what was about to happen, “Look out everyone!”
In the echoing silence of the post-snap, while everycreature in the room stood stock-still and watched the little foal, Anarchy was left clearing her throat.
She turned towards Lil Cheese, who hadn’t even blinked at the ripple of Chaos as it flowed around the room, and said in a tiny squeak of a voice, “Hi Cheese! I’m Anawchy. No…” she narrowed her eyes, “That didn’t sound wight…”
Fluttershy was the first to react, “Ann!”
“Howd on Mama,” Ann said, “I’ve got ta figew this out…” Maybe something was wrong with her tongue? “I just leawned myself the woads…”
“Ann, you can talk!” Fluttershy wasn’t sure if she sounded more crazed or more manic, and for once didn’t seem to care that there wasn’t exactly a difference between the two. “Discord? What’s going on!?”
Discord, to his credit, immediately stepped forth and began to examine his daughter. He pulled out a magnifying glass and quickly went over her, focusing mostly on her head, her eyes, and her throat.
“Hmmm…” he mused, “She didn’t do anything more than teach herself ‘how’ to speak. She didn’t try to alter her body in any way,” he turned a sly smile over towards Twilight and added, “Safety feature. Can’t have a growing Ponequus go fussing about with biology…”
After a few more moments of poking around, he tried poking at the little filly still deep in thought. Specifically, he licked one talon, and began poking her in the ear.
“Gaah!” she cried, “Da-ad!”
“Hmmm,” the Dad-onequus nodded, “It’s as I feared.”
Fluttershy scooped Ann up into her forelegs instantly, “What!? What’s wrong!?” All of her friends crowded around, making Ann shrink down further into her mother’s embrace as all the eyes in the world fell back upon her.
Discord sighed, “She’s using her powers of Chaos… responsibly.” He seemed almost distraught by the news.
“Discord!!!” a vein popped out near Fluttershy’s temple.
“What?” he asked, genuinely confused, “She saw a problem, and fixed it in a straightforward manner that allowed for no shenanigans to occur! I’d say our kid’s taken a rather dismal path early in life, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Um,” Ann looked up at Fluttershy, “I’m fine, mom. I just gave myself the woads… no, the woads…”
Ann frowned, and then finally seemed to figure out just what was wrong.
“DA-AD!!!” she whined.
“Oh, I’m going to have to get used to this, aren’t I?” Discord sighed again, “Yes, Anarchy?”
“You gave me a lithp? Wait…” The little filly reached up with her bat-wing and used it to pull out her tongue. She pulled, and pulled, and pulled… and continued pulling to the confused horror of the other ponies in the room until her tongue had extended over a dozen feet.
All along the pink appendage appeared to be written instructions. Ann herself began to scan the canvas of her own tongue… before suddenly realizing she hadn’t given herself the ability to read. “Any othew safety featews?”
Discord pinched her cheek, “Maybe. I wouldn’t test it out any further. I might have put in a few… lessons for fillies who don’t learn how to not mess about!”
Fluttershy, however, could read the fine print. “Oh my. Discord? Did you put these here?”
“Not intentionally. Not entirely intentionally.”
Rainbow snorted, “Now that sounds like Discord.”
Twilight leaned in close, eyes wide with the news there was a new field of knowledge to explore. “What does it say!?”
Fluttershy squinted. “Not a lot. The words keep moving around. I don’t think they like me. But I think it says she has trouble saying her R’s and L’s… and S’s, but only when she tries to say ‘Lisp’.”
“That…” the Princess frowned at Discord, “Seems incredibly unhelpful.”
Discord shrugged, “Well, I made her as Chaotically as I could! It’s not my fault that all you ponies follow rules and suchlike! Did you ever think it was your fault? Hmmmm!?”
Ann’s tongue shot back into her mouth like a roll of film snapping back into its reel.
“Gweat,” she huffed, “I hope yew pweased wiff yewseff, Dad.”
Lil Cheese, still sitting besides his new friend, offered his rubber chicken again. Ann smiled, and gave the fabricated poultry a squeeze, leading to both foals laughing together.
But just before Discord could say anything snide or sarcastic in reply, the door to the cottage slammed open, and a dark wind blew through the house. The sky outside had turned black, and crashing thunder and lightning backlit the latest visitor to Fluttershy’s home.
A tall, blue ram stood in the doorway. A ram with horns that doubled his already impressive stature. A blue ram whose eyes were gold and red, and whose malice emanated from him like an aura. A voice as ancient and as ceaselessly grinding as the sea itself rumbled in his throat.
“He probably is,” the old ram intoned, “Because he is a fool!”
As the ram spoke, each of the Bearers of Harmony struck a defensive pose. Fluttershy held Ann back with Lil Cheese, while Rainbow stepped in front of her and flared her wings. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and even Cheese Sandwich squared off with the intruder. Only Applejack may have looked intimidating on her own, but nocreature underestimated an earth pony properly motivated to defend their own.
Rarity lit her horn in blue magic, and Spike stood by her with fists raised. And before all of them, Princess Twilight Sparkle stood resolute, prepared to unleash such power as had not been felt in Equestria since the legendary battles between Grogar and Gusty themselves.
She knew this, as they did all, because ever since Discord’s last betrayal, all those years ago… Twilight had always suspected this ram, Grogar himself, would appear to be their final challenge. Well, if it was to defend Fluttershy’s new family, then no sacrifice would be…
“Pop-pop?”
Twilight spun her head around. Discord stared at Grogar with some strange chimeric look of… Actually, she had no idea what was running through Discord’s mind. It could have been anger, fear, love, or some random object or metaphysical concept like rice-pudding, or the sound of one hoof clapping, and she’d have no way of knowing either way.
Grogar sighed, “Greetings, Discord. I see you’ve sired a child. Finally.”
From behind the eldritch ram, a far more cheery and familiar voice asked, “Are we interrupting something Grogar?”
“We could always let you two have a few moments,” a second, equally familiar voice said, “Though I’m quite curious to see what a half-pony-half-Draconequus looks like.”
“Luna! Don’t be rude.”
“Tia, I want to see the filly!”
Into the rapidly shrinking space of Fluttershy’s living room entered a new pair of alicorns, the former rulers of Equestria itself. The Princess-Emeritus Celestia and Princess-Emeritus Luna.
“C-Celestia?” Twilight stuttered, “Luna? Grogar? What in Starswirl’s bells is going on!?”
Grogar stepped forward, “Indeed it is I… GROGAR! The Nec-ram-ancer! The Dark Lord of All! The Father of Monsters!”
“Ex-cuse you!” Discord suddenly snarled. “Father of Monsters? Do you want to make my therapist richer than she already is!?”
Grogar shrugged, noncommittedly, “Very well, my son. Father of Creatures Who Keep FAILING to take over the world. Is that better?”
Discord frowned. “Yes, slightly. But I don’t recall sending you an invite, Dad…”
Fluttershy, Ann at her side, slowly approached the ancient Ram of Evil. The older pegasus was shaking in her horseshoes as she stopped, knowing full-well the reputation of the being standing before her.
“Y-you’re Grogar…? Discord’s father?” Her eyes widened with sudden fear, “I didn’t have time to clean up… or sleep, for that matter. Oh dear, I’m being a bad host for my in-law…”
Grogar nodded once, and then turned his baleful eyes down towards Ann. “Little Anarchy,” he growled, “Daughter of my Son…”
Violet energy crackled about him. Power and magic untold burned the air, and the shrieks of his fallen victims called out…
As he produced a lollipop. “Would you like candy from your Grampa?”
Anarchy’s eyes glistened with a need for that lollipop. But another thought came to her…
“Can my fwend Cheese have one too?”
Grogar narrowed his eyes. “Friend?”
“Fwend.”
“Not… minion?”
“Fwend.”
Grogar sighed, “Just this once. But no more friends! They are a terrible habit…”
Celestia and Luna chuckled as they gathered around Ann and Cheese.
“Oh Grogar, be careful with those jests!” said Luna as she began scratching a smiling Lil Cheese behind his ears with her wings. “The Princess of Friendship is right behind you.”
“Yes, she is,” Twilight snorted, “And she would very much like to know why Grogar is here!”
Celestia lay down and began playing with Ann’s bat-wings, “Well, I should think it was obvious. He’s here to see his grandfoal.”
“No,” the Princess sighed at her predecessors, “I mean, why is he alive? Didn’t Gusty the Great defeat him, like… millennium ago!?”
“Gusty NEVER defeated me!” Grogar whirled on the assembled rulers of Equestria, his eyes blazing with red fire, “She merely stole my Bewitching Bell and… that allowed her and her friends to…” The Nec-ram-ancer narrowed his eyes at Twilight Sparkle.
“So I retired,” he finished, quickly returning his attention to Ann and Cheese, “I didn’t die or anything.”
Discord huffed quietly in the corner, “Don’t do me any favors…”
“Then… you’re not here to conquer Equestria?” Fluttershy stood beside the ancient terror of ponykind.
“No,” he said, finally, “World domination is a young-monster’s game. I prefer fishing, playing cards down at Silver Shoals…”
“And Bingo,” Luna added, helpfully.
“… and Bingo…” Grogar grumbled.
Applejack glanced around, expecting more. “So… crisis over? As much as I’d love to see yer little filly some more, I did just dump a whole heap of work on my farm-hooves and Big Mac to run over here.”
Fluttershy allowed herself a warm smile for her friends, “Oh my, yes. Things should be alright around here.”
“For a given definition of alright,” said Discord, unheard by anypony else.
“But, um…” Fluttershy’s eyes began to shake slightly as she spoke, “If anypony could find a few hours in their schedule to watch little Ann… I’d be most appreciative. I haven’t slept since… since…”
She dropped straight down to the floor, cushioned in her fall only by a fluffy white pillow that had materialized under her not a moment too soon. The assorted friends in the room took half a step forward, or three in Dash’s case, but stopped as they heard their animal-loving friend’s soft snores.
Discord retrieved Fluttershy and held her tightly in his arms. “It’s about time. I’ve been waiting for her to collapse like that.”
Rainbow scowled, “You were waiting?”
“I learned long ago to just let Flutters tire herself out,” the Lord of Chaos began knitting a quilted blanket around her like a spider spinning webbing, “It lets her get it out of her system and feel like she’s accomplishing something.
“But,” he smiled, chagrined, “We could both use a break…”
Grogar turned to Discord and laughed scornfully, “There is no need. I shall escort the child and her minion to the local park.”
“Oh!” Celestia raised her head from blowing raspberries into the giggling Ann’s stomach, “That sounds lovely! Count me in!”
“Absolutely not!” Discord and Rainbow Dash found themselves shouting as one.
Discord continued, pointing a talon directly at his father, “Why do you think I’d ever trust you with Anarchy?”
Grogar grinned smugly, “Because when I set out to do something, I always succeed. Such as,” he faced Ann directly. Grogar’s eyes bulged out of his face and crossed themselves, while his cheeks puffed out, and the tip of his tongue poked out of his mouth.
He gave a little raspberry.
“Faces? Really?” Discord shook his head, “Dad-gar, she didn’t even crack a smile at my faces. What makes you…?”
Ann began to chortle, rolling on the floor as tears of laughter sprang from her eyes. Her father snapped his mouth shut at this, his ears wilting.
Grogar turned back to his son, and finished his thought, “Such as being better than you at everything. If I say I shall safeguard your child, then she is safe from all harm.”
“Oh,” Discord raised an eyebrow in irritation, his teeth grinding just enough to cause sparks, “And I suppose when you set out to destroy Gusty, she was totally destroyed…”
Without pause, Discord swiveled his torso around so he could more easily gesture towards Rainbow Dash, “Thanks for having my back, by the way…”
Dash snorted, “No! I was saying I absolutely wasn’t gonna leave you alone with Fluttershy! Not til I’m convinced this isn’t some trick you’re pulling!”
The entire assembled room sighed as one. Even Ann pinched the bridge of her muzzle with one wing.
Rarity placed a foreleg over Rainbow’s withers, “Dashie, darling? I think that particular ship has, shall we say, sailed.”
Discord, however, smiled, “Oh, don’t be too hard on Rainbutt. I rather appreciate being protective of Fluttershy.”
While Rainbow Dash continued to, admittedly half-heartedly, glare at the Draconequus, Grogar grew more and more impatient. “Enough of these pleasantries!” he thundered, “I have promised my future weapon of Darkness time at the park, and that is what shall come to pass as soon as you meddling ponies vacate my sight!”
“You know,” Spike whispered to Princess Twilight, “I don’t know about this guy. Seems… blatantly evil.”
“I know what you mean, Spike,” she replied, then leaned down to whisper to her old mentor Celestia, “You are going along with this to watch over him, right?”
Not breaking her smile, Celestia answered with her own whisper, “Of course. I mean, he’s a mostly harmless retiree… like Luna and myself, but he’s still Grogar.”
The ruling Princess sighed contentedly, finding the world to be a right and orderly place once again. With a careful wave of her wings, she silently indicated to her friends that they should make their leave.
Applejack reached the door first and opened it wide, “Finally! Gotta git back and make sure the last of the storm-prep is ready.”
“Yeah, wouldn’t want…” Rainbow almost smiled, thinking of the barrels of cider they’d get out of the harvest assuming the storm clouds didn’t knock the farm about too badly, when she made a sudden, inexplicably delayed realization.
“SOARIN!!!”
And with a muffled crack as the sound-barrier ripped asunder, Wonderbolt Captain Rainbow Dash rocketed through the door and banked straight up into the gathering stormclouds… which seemed to be listing about without their usual organization…
Applejack had to readjust her Stetson and mane a little, but she just shook her head and began a quick trot back towards Sweet Apple Acres.
While Cheese Sandwich slipped his Lil Cheese a few necessities such as twine, balloons, a banana-cream pie, a wooden nickel, and a kazoo… Pinkie Pie gave Discord and the sleeping Fluttershy some reassurances.
“I’ll just leave the cannon with you guys,” she was smiling, “It’s out on your front-yard, and it’s packed full of everything you need, including wipes and diapers.”
Discord nodded as he snapped Fluttershy’s blanket cocoon into a foal-harness strapped to his chest, “Thanks for that, Ponkers, but Anarchy was born potty-trained, so…”
The Lord of Chaos is never scared. Never. It isn’t even within the realm of possibility. Possibility could only dream of hosting the fear of a Draconequus, because those things don’t exist. But he does have… personal space issues. Yes. Let’s go with that. And Pinkie Pie was suddenly violating that personal space, with two hooves gripping his long neck like a vice.
She sputtered, “Ha- wha… you fu- bwhuh!?!!?” while one eye twitched and her mane began to deflate. “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?!”
It took a minute, the combined power of three Princesses of Equestria and the gentle hooves of another party planner pony, but Pinkie eventually gave up on strangling Discord. She instead settled for collapsing into tears on Cheese Sandwich’s back.
Cheese looked up expectantly to Discord, “So… Guy’s Night?”
“My schedule’s clear, assuming I can get a sitter,” he shifted an evil look towards the smiling Grogar, “So I’ll let you know by Thursday…”
Cheese nodded, satisfied, then trotted out with his wife slung across his back.
She was still sobbing angrily, “How could this happen to me!? I made my mistakes…!”
“Bye mommy!” Lil Cheese cheerily waved a hoof after his parents, “Bye daddy!”
Twilight, Spike, and Rarity were the last to leave, closing the door behind them just as a familiar sight flew down from the rapidly darkening heavens. A blue-feathered griffin landed heavily before them, gold armor glistening with frost and rainwater. Panting, he saluted as a golden chariot drawn by pegasi guards landed on the road.
“Your…” he gasped, “… Your Highnesses… we came as soon as we could…”
“Thank you, Gallus,” Rarity patted the griffin on his shoulder comfortingly, “But the situation has already been resolved.”
Gallus glanced between the three creatures in front of him. “So… no crisis?”
Spike chuckled, “Nah, Fluttershy and Discord just had a baby.”
“… Discord?”
Twilight nodded, “And the grandfather is Grogar, the Nec-ram-ancer.”
“The…” Gallus’s eyes narrowed and his mouth ran dry, “the Lord of Darkness?”
“Yes,” said Twilight, her horn flashing to life and slowly applying a warming spell to Gallus’s armor and feathers, “But Celestia and Luna will be watching them at the park.”
“He’s going to…” Gallus blinked, finally, “Grogar the Father of Monsters… is going to be at Ponyville park…” He finally seemed to gain the nerve to look up at his sovereign directly, “And there’s no crisis?”
“No darling,” Rarity tittered, “Just Anarchy.”
Of course. Of course, there was. For not the first time, Gallus wondered why he took this job. He could still remember his drill instructor, Flash Sentry’s uncontrollable laughter when he’d told him the news Gallus would be Captain of the Guard in Cantelot.
That should have tipped him off.
The Princess raised her horn again, and in a flash she, Rarity, and Spike had vanished into thin air. Again. Without telling her guards where she was going. Gallus ripped up a few clawfulls of dirt in frustration, then returned to the chariot to let his men know they’d flown all the way here for nothing, and that they needed to fly all the way back to Canterlot.
“Um,” one said, biting his lip, “Could we stop for something first? We kinda got called up during lunch so…”
“Yeah,” Gallus sighed, “yeah…”
Back inside, Discord had finished listing off everything he could think of for Grogar to know about caring for Anarchy. Not necessarily useful things, just enough random tidbits and odds and ends to get a real good annoyance going for the old goat.
“… and No Skeleponies,” he finished, “I don’t care that they’re harmless, it’s out of season. Wait until at least the month of Nightmare Night before raising the dead!”
Grogar, face perpetually scowling when not contorting for Anarchy’s amusement, growled, “Anything else?”
“No, unfortunately,” Discord looked towards the two remaining alicorns, “Just… make sure she’s safe?”
Luna nodded, “Have no fear, Discord. We have watched over nations. A foal will not be the end of us.”
“You say that,” Celestia chuckled, “But I’ve had to raise a few in my time. If Ann’s half as rambunctious as Sunset or Twilight were…”
“Then we’re off!” Discord waved his claw through the air, tearing a hole straight from the cottage into the realm of Chaos, the other end of this portal hanging right about a large, comfy-looking bed. He looked down towards Ann and said, “Be good kid… or at least as chaotic as possible. We’ll be back for dinner.”
A strange thought came to Discord just then, as he was about to step between dimensions. He took a deep breath, and then proceeded to cross his eyes and puff out his cheeks. With the tip of his tongue sticking out, he made the best raspberry he could muster.
Ann just… stared.
“Ha!” Grogar guffawed, “As ever, you come crawling back to my way of thinking when things don’t turn out how you planned, my son.”
The ram’s laughter rose as Discord’s face fell. The Draconequus sighed, and said, “Well… it was worth a shot…”
Which was when he felt a thin pair of forelegs reach around his long neck, and gave a comforting, tight squeeze.
“Dad,” Ann said without her lisp as she gave Discord a quick kiss on the cheek, “You’re weird.”
She’d said it with the exact same emotion and phrasing as one might say ‘I love you’.
Discord smiled, just for a moment, and ruffled his daughter's mane with his paw. With that, the Lord of Chaos departed with Fluttershy, sealing the portal as he left.
Grogar, finally free of his pesky son and daughter-in-law, grunted and faced the two foals before him.
“Very well. We shall now depart for the park. And there shall be merriment unseen since the Days of Yore. And the pillars of creation will tremble with your laughter, my child.”
Luna stamped her hooves, “Huzzah! Let the park-partaking commence!”
“Yeah,” Ann said slowly, her tail taking the form of a hand again, “About that…”
Lil Cheese had been busy picking up Boneless Six, and had just heard the odd snapping sound again when he turned around. Glancing about, he was slightly confused.
Where had those statues come from?
“Um, Ann?” Cheese somewhat nervously followed the cute pegasi… dracon… pony as she started out the front door. “Shouldn’t we wait for your Grampa and our Aunties to come back?”
“Nah,” she laughed, “We’ll be fine. Wace ya!”
And like that, the two foals took off for the park, laughing together as they went. Anarchy wasn’t even all that upset when Cheese somehow managed to beat her there… though since she teleported most of the way, it was surprising…
Grogar, still conscious within the stone, could only wonder at his predicament.
It was like raising Discord all over again…
Fluttershy’s eyes only partly opened as she lay down. She could feel the soft bed beneath her… her bed. She could feel the warm sheets around her. The room felt faintly of purple and smelled like a carol at Hearth’s Warming. Well, she was definitely in the Chaos Realm.
Home sweet home. But where was…?
“Ann,” she whispered, and tried to get up. Only, she was completely bound up in blankets. And more, Fluttershy could see a long, snake-like body had wrapped its way around her, holding her fast.
And right near her own face, she finally caught sight of a sleeping Discord, his whole body bound up tightly with hers, keeping her still and warm. At this angle, he looked so… peaceful.
“Best you get back to sleep,” he whispered softly, “You need it.”
Sleep was demanding she return to it, but not without answers.
“The Sanctuary?”
“I gave Angel thumbs for the day,” Discord smirked, “He knows the routine.”
Fluttershy blinked, “Anarchy?”
“With Cheese at the park. She turned Grogar to stone first,” he smiled so warmly at that, “Atta girl…”
“How…?”
“I’m Chaos,” Discord smacked his lips. “Her powers are more like… an allowance. I know everything she's doing with them.”
“She’s growing up so fast,” Fluttershy yawned.
Her Draconequus nuzzled close to her, “Don’t worry. I just skipped the rough parts in the beginning. She’ll be our little foal a long while yet. Though I suppose we’ll need to think of school…”
Fluttershy closed her eyes, “That’s… very responsible of you to say. I wonder…”
“She’s so creative and full of chaos,” Discord chuckled lightly, “She’d turn the place upside down in an hour!”
“And there it is,” Fluttershy still smiled, despite herself. Yet, before sleep claimed her again, she had one last thing to ask. “Discord?”
“Hm?”
“Can we handle this?”
Discord finally opened one eye, and let its gaze fall upon his dearest, dearest friend in all the cosmos. The only pony who ever conquered Chaos with Kindness. The only creature who ever looked at Discord as anything other than a monster.
The only pony he loved. Well… the first pony he loved. There was now another in his life, and he couldn’t help but see all the best of one in the other.
“If anypony can, it’s you,” he whispered as Fluttershy fell fast asleep.
After that day, Summer truly began to shift into Autumn. The storms came, and the storms went with nary a problem, save for the one rogue cloud that managed to get loose and cut a run out towards the Everfree. They say on lonely nights you can still see Dash’s Folly running free across the ancient, magical forest. But for the rest of Ponyville, and Equestria beyond, the nights grew colder and the trees more vibrant with every passing day as the world went from verdant summer greens to the reds and golds of fall.
And while Fall came to Equestria, havoc and pandemonium came to Fluttershy’s life. Her old cottage was still visited by animals this time of year, for her reputation amongst them was that of a caregiver, and one to whom they could all go for love, affection, and a little extra something to get them through the coming winter months. But with Grogar taking up residence in one of the guest rooms, that had become less of a given and more of a mortal peril for any animal foolish enough to approach.
“Begone!” Grogar roared at the family of jackalopes who dared to nibble on his glower garden*. “You dare to befoul the Glowering Garden of Grogar? Then you jackanapes shall witness my fury… UNLEASHED!”
With a single, deep breath, Grogar exhaled flames of coruscating blackness, which caused his glowering flowers to grow and attempt to devour the poor jackalopes, which all managed to flee the vicinity in time. The snapping fangs and twisting brambles growled as they grew.
As Grogar guffawed over his gruesome gag, Ann dropped down from a low branch of the cottage-tree, suspending herself upside down by her tail.
“Gwampa,” she warned, “that wasn’t vewy nice.”
“Nice,” Grogar snarled, “is weakness. It is a word constructed by foolish ponies to confuse the strong! You see, my child…”
Her grampa liked his speeches, Ann learned. Here was his Prepared Lecture of Evil #34. Ann sometimes wondered if Twilight and Grogar wouldn’t make close friends, or at least study-buddies, if given half a chance or a really interesting problem to solve… file that one away for later...
In any case, Grampa Grogar would be at it for a while, waxing philosophic about how ponies were pathetic and how Anarchy should grind them into dust or turn their dreams into nightmares blah, blah, blah. And while he talked, he’d garden. He loved to devise new and horrific plants for his garden, and tended to them daily.
Which was when Ann got a great idea. A great and Terrible idea. Grogar didn’t even notice when the glower he went to sniff changed suddenly from a bloody red to a rather distinct shade of blue…
“My, my!” Celestia glowed as Ann tucked right into the pancakes piled high on her plate, “I’m happy to see you enjoy my pancakes. It took me eons to get the recipe right.”
“Indeed!” Luna cried, after pulling her own head up from a mountain of whipped cream, “This is precisely why I enjoy mornings these days!” With a deep breath, she planted her muzzle back into her breakfast, drawing a giggle from Ann.
A squeaky harrumph came from the third creature at the table awaiting Celestia’s cooking, a tiny blue unicorn colt of dark blue coat, with a fringe of white mane and a horn of grey. His red harness full of tiny bells jingled slightly as he pouted.
“This Zecora had bettew know the cuw for this confounded affwiction,” he snarled in the most adorable voice either of the Princesses could remember.
Celestia, despite this, waved a spatula at him like an unimpressed teacher with a pointer, “Now Grogar, you’re not going to get any of my chocolate chip pancakes if you act like that. Besides, it’s your own fault for planting Poison Joke in the first place.”
At the threat of losing out on Celestia’s pancakes, Grogar tried to act… good. He still shot a glare towards his grandfoal, however. And Ann just smiled back, never breaking eye contact even as she… or perhaps specifically as she took a huge mouthful of pancake, strawberry, and whipped cream. Zecora would know what to do, once she was back from her trip…
In a week or so. The Princesses had, naturally, hesitated to mention how Apple Bloom would also know the cure, being Zecora’s old apprentice and Ponyville’s premiere potionmaker. They hesitated for a whole week…
Whenever little Anarchy wasn’t making life difficult for her Grampa, she would spend her days either following her Mom to the animal sanctuary, or learning the ways of Chaos from her Dad-onequus. Discord relished the chance to pass on his eons of experience to somecreature who’d truly appreciate the lessons. Unfortunately, they’d run into some trouble right away.
“So,” said Discord, standing in the middle of an empty field somewhere beyond Ponyville, “You can’t see them?”
“No?” Ann turned her head around once more, to try and catch a glimpse of these so-called ‘readers’ her Dad kept talking about. Once she’d spun her head about three times, then removed it to check under her own chin, she looked up at him, “Awe you making this up?”
Though Discord shook his head, his voice lost none of its conviction, “Never fear, my little random-number-generator. One day, I promise you’ll be able to see the meta just like I can.”
“Can Cheese see it too?” Ann asked, thinking back to how Cheese tried to describe his Cheesy Sense to her.
“Wouldn’t know,” Discord conceded, “But his mother…? Maybe. Then again, I’ve been told foals can see things adult ponies can’t. Like certain types of faeries, or Sandy Claws.”
“Sandy Claws?”
The two were suddenly on an ice flow, surrounded on all sides by endless frozen misery. And a single Penguin, wearing a warm cap and sitting besides a round stove. Within moments, the stove had melted through the ice and vanished forever, leaving a rather put-out penguin.
“Sandy Claws!” Discord shouted, now sporting a black and white pinstripe suit with a rather spooky, bat-themed bow-tie attached. “He’s a giant lobster who lives in up north and makes toys for all the good little fillies and colts who don’t eat shellfish!”
“W-w-w-why is-s-s-s he c-c-c-cawed S-s-s-s-andy?” Ann shook and shivered, her featherless wings proving entirely inadequate for the task of keeping her warm.
Her Dad helpfully snapped her three layers of insulated winter gear, complete with boots, scarves, and goggles, before continuing, “He was originally from Maribu…”
The lesson would be interrupted at that point by the bulk of a hundred-foot-long crustacean rising swiftly up from the depths, claws the size of galleons shattering ice left and right. It’s crackling maw roared in inchoate fury.
“DIIIIIIISCOOOORRRRRRD!!!!!!”
“Oh… he might also hate me for trapping him here…”
“Welcome to the sanctuary, Pablo,” Fluttershy ushered her latest animal friend, a penguin, towards a specially-prepared section of the sanctuary. “We’ll make sure you feel right at home here.”
Pablo, the penguin, took one look at the rainbow-headed pegasus kicking heaps of cold and snow out of an early-release winter cloud over the penned-off crater that was meant to house him, and immediately banked towards the other end of the open-air property.
Fluttershy sighed, wondering what had gotten into the poor thing to make it hate being cold. She waved Rainbow Dash off, who swooped down to meet her.
“That penguin knows how hard it is to get snowclouds this early in the year?” Dash asked, irritation plain as day in her voice as she landed.
“I’m so sorry Dashie,” Fluttershy lowered her head, “I still appreciate the work you must have done to get this here. If there’s anything I can do, just name it.”
But Rainbow just shook her head, “Nah, it’s fine. I’m always happy to help you out, Shy.” She gave her foalhood friend a genuine grin, only to have it falter as her eyes wandered to the other creature with them.
Ann sat a few yards away, struggling in vain to rip off her soaking winter gear. She twisted and pulled at the pant legs with her teeth, trying to dislodge them from the heavy boots they were tucked down into, but to no avail. And when she tried to pull the bright-pink padded coat off, all she managed to achieve was to throw herself off balance and land on the grass hard enough to… bah like a sheep...
Rainbow Dash chuckled, but quickly clamed up when she caught sight of Fluttershy’s frown. The normally shy yellow pegasus locked eyes with her Wonderbolt friend, and then nodded towards the struggling little filly.
“Fine,” Dash sighed, “I’ll help.”
As Dash approached the poor thing, she noticed Ann was now trying to kick her coat off, her back legs pushing and pushing, but getting nowhere.
“Um…” Rainbow Dash glanced back to Fluttershy, the quickly back to Ann. No need to think about what those eyes were saying. “Need some help, squirt?”
“No,” Ann said through gritted teeth buried into the scarf still wrapped around her neck. “I can do thif on my own…”
“Can’t you, like, use magic or whatever?”
Ann glared as the scarf refused to budge. In fact, it had tightened. Her yellow and crimson eyes snapped up to Dash, then back towards her batwings, encased in heavy wool mittens.
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “What about your tail?”
Rolling crimson eyes eventually darted back further, leading Dash to note the sodden mush that was Ann’s long, pink tail. With great effort, she managed what appeared to be a half-hearted attempt to move it about.
The multicolored pegasus bit down on the end of Ann’s right wing-mitten, and gave a mighty pull. She heaved so hard she was afraid that the little Ponequus… or whatever Discord had called her, would go sailing through the air. Thankfully, either Dash pulled in just the right way, or the little filly’s clothes were so heavy with water that she simply held in place.
Wing finally free, Ann wasted no time in snapping away her drenched clothing. She did however, hesitate to snap again, watching her wingtips with the same sort of worry one might show a hose that might actually be a sleeping snake.
Fluttershy frowned, “Is something wrong?”
Ann looked back at her mother, “Weww,” she scowled through her accursed wandering lisp, “Dwying off is weawy hawd. Last time I twied, I lost some fuw.”
“You lost some fur?” Fluttershy’s voice filled with distress, “Was that why the bathroom was on fire yesterday?”
Ann looked down, ashamed. “… yes.”
“Hang on, I got this,” said Rainbow Dash, who immediately picked herself up into the air, and with a furious wingbeat began to whip around the little filly at lightning speeds. The little whirlwind almost felt hot on Ann’s coat.
But then that same hot wind hit Ann’s wings, and like a sudden updraft, that wind hauled the little pony straight up into the air, where she spun around and around and around, completely out of control, and not in the way she normally liked.
And for all the powers of Chaos at her wingtips… at heart, Anarchy was still a foal.
“MOMMA!”
She tumbled through the air, only panic filling her mind, only a cry on her lips. But just at the height of her arc, Ann felt a body crash into her own, forelegs wrapping around her in a vice-like grip.
She was floating, gasping, held in her mother’s forelegs. Fluttershy’s breathing was just as sharp, and just as ragged.
“Ohmigosh!” Rainbow Dash ran up to the pair as Fluttershy brought them back down to the grass and solid ground, “Shy! Ann! I’m so, so sorry! I…!”
“Dash!” Fluttershy snapped, “You need to be more careful! Anarchy isn’t that strong of a flyer yet…!”
Finally brought to a standstill, Ann felt a crackle of… something run along her coat. And instantly, all that dry air and static came back with a vengeance. Ann’s mane and coat poofed in every direction, instantly transforming her from a little filly, into a fluffy pink and yellow cloud.
All three stood silently. Ann took in her fur, her mane… and started giggling. And then she started laughing. And before long, Rainbow Dash had joined. And then Fluttershy. They laughed, and they laughed, and they laughed some more. All three fell to the grass, laughing so hard that Dash was worried she’d bust something!
Angel, the diminutive, angry caretaker of the Sanctuary whenever Fluttershy was too busy with Element business, briefly glanced over at the ridiculous display. He shook his head, ashamed on their behalf, and continued herding the pack of wolves he’d been giving the welcome-tour towards the vegetarian buffet Fluttershy put in…
Once Ann, lying in her mother’s embrace, finally managed to get her breathing back under control, she said to Rainbow, “Auntie Dash, that was amazing! What kind of magic was that!?”
Auntie Dash, similarly catching her breath, looked up and grinned, “No magic, kid. That was all me! Just a trick I picked up back in summer flight camp.”
Ann tilted her head, questioningly, “What? But… how did you fwy wiffout magic?”
“Uh, wings?” Dash flapped one wing as an example, “C’mon, don’t tell me you’ve never flown with your wings?”
Fluttershy pulled Ann close with her own feathery wings, “Dash, she’s much too young to fly like that. And if her wings work like Batponies’ do, then she can’t fly the same way as pegasi...”
Somehow, hearing her mom say that… doubting her, felt wrong. Bad. Not good. Anarchy decided she had to fix that.
“I can twy,” she pulled herself free from Fluttershy’s grasp, though not without a bit of a struggle. Her mom said nothing, but looked on like she was afraid Ann would get sucked up into a whirlwind again.
The filly put herself about halfway between her mom and her aunt, and then held out her blue batwings. She kept a careful check on her Chaos magic, making sure it didn’t flare up or try anything she’d normally be down for. This was to impress Dash, after all.
She started slow, and then began to ramp up the speed. Each wingbeat slapped the air with a sound like fanning heavy bedsheets. Ann could feel the wind part and blast aside as she flapped her wings… and little else. She supposed more speed was needed.
So, she started flapping faster. And faster. Faster was going nowhere, fast, so she started flapping harder. And harder. And harder still. Her wings felt like they were turning into cement at the joints, and her whole body began to boil.
But then, face straining, sweat soaking her fur again and wings about to snap right off… she managed to take off. Anarchy, the Pony of Chaos, Duchess of Doohickies and Empress of the Encephalon… managed almost half a foot off the ground before her wings gave out entirely and she crashed right back down again.
Panting, she lifted her head towards her Aunt, “How… how did I do?”
Dash stood over the filly, smiling. “You know…? For being, like, a few weeks old… not bad at all. Probably a record.”
The Wonderbolt star couldn’t help but smile. Watching Ann struggle like that, practically tearing her own body apart, straining so mightily against something so trivial to most… it touched something in Dash. It was that same sort of persistence that drew her to protect Fluttershy when they were foals, and to make Scootaloo her pseudo-adopted-sister later on.
The kid had Moxy. Not a doubt in her mind about that.
“Listen… Ann,” she said, ruffling the kid’s mane with one hoof, “When you start flight camp, I’ll give you some private lessons, alright? So, you can show those Cloudsdale elites what you can really do!”
“Weawy!?” Ann’s face lit up… and then fell back into confusion.
“What’s wrong, kiddo?”
Ann just asked, like it was nothing, “What’s fwight camp?”
“Oh,” Dash paused. She kept forgetting just how young this kid was… “It’s like flying school for pegasi. Me and your mom met there when we were fillies, actually.” She smirked again, “I protected your mom from bullies.”
“Why didn’t Dad do that?” Ann tilted her head to a steeper angle than before.
Fluttershy, still sitting behind her daughter, said, “Well, Discord and I hadn’t met yet.”
Ann’s eyes shrank. The whole eye, not just her pupils. They dropped back into the sockets for a moment before returning to regular size. Ann shook her head back and forth to make the thought sit still.
Mom and Dad didn’t always know each other!?!?!
“Um, wow,” she managed, “That’s… wow. Okay, so then, what’s a schoo?”
Rainbow blinked. “What’s a school?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t know… what school is?”
Ann stuck out her tongue as she puzzled. And she puzzled. But before she could puzzle for long, Fluttershy spoke up once again.
“It’s, um… school is a place where you, ah, sit quietly all day and let somepony else teach you things.”
Dash’s ear twitched. That… was one way of putting it.
Ann frowned, “Well that doesn’t sound vewy fun…”
Uh oh, Rainbow thought. Better salvage this before the kid gets the wrong idea, “Well, at least Cheese’ll be there. He’s starting this year, isn’t he?”
…
Did… did Fluttershy just glare at me?
“Cheese is going?” Ann asked, excitement causing her tail to wag like a dog’s. “Oh boy! If Cheese is going…”
“Yes dear,” Fluttershy said quickly, “Lil Cheese is going to school in a few weeks… along with everypony else.”
The little ponequus looked back at her mom, “E-everypony?”
“Everypony,” she replied, “There will be lots and lots of ponies and other creatures there.”
“Oh…” Ann’s tail drooped. Everycreature in one place? Everycreature where they could… stare at her…? With their eyes…?
“Well, yeah!” Rainbow nudged Ann with her muzzle to get the kid’s attention. “So you’ve got all those ponies and creatures to make friends with!”
Ann snapped her head up to look at Rainbow Dash. Her eyes weren’t just sparkling. The red iris actually took the shape of… of Twilight’s star-shaped Cutie Mark…?
“You… you can have more than one friend…?” the little pony’s voice was barely a whisper. Instantly, so quick that Dash could feel the sound barrier bend around her, Ann shot over to her mom.
She hopped up and down in front of Fluttershy, yipping as she begged, “Mom! Mom! Can I go to schoo? Pwease!? Oh pwease!!! Can I? Can I, can I, can I, can I, can I, can I, can I pweeease!?!?”
Fluttershy sat back on her haunches. As her little foal’s questions came, she looked like each and every one of them was a slap. She managed to clamp down on her voice, her tongue, her very thoughts before she said… something. She only prayed Dash hadn’t noticed…
She… she knew this had been coming. She knew that. Ann needed… she needed friends. Friends her own age.
She just wished Ann needed her mom…
“We’ll ask your father tonight, okay?” she managed. Ann leapt for joy, and remained airborne on the winds of Chaos, looping about and shouting for joy.
Only Rainbow Dash had seen Fluttershy’s tears, and began to regret butting in again.
Nothing in the Realms of Chaos could ever be truly quiet. Quiet implied a lack of motion or energy, and Chaos’ one defining trait that it could ever agree to on a consistent basis was that it was always poppin’. But tonight was different. The Lord of Chaos had asked politely.
No threat could have been more dire.
And so, in the Den of Chaos, sitting on the Comfy Sofa of Disharmony, two creatures and their little foal sat listening to the crackle of ice cubes in the ‘fire’place.
Under Fluttershy’s hooves, Anarchy lay fast asleep, dreaming of the first day of school she knew was coming soon. The dream, visible in a little cloud drifting above her head, invariably involved her and Lil Cheese riding dinosaurs, dancing atop a flowerbed, and eating an endless supply of jalapeno cupcakes provided by her Auntie Ponk.
Fluttershy brushed her little one’s mane, eliciting nothing more than an ear-flick and a yawn from the foal, her long tongue sticking out of her mouth at the cutest angle.
“I know it’s selfish,” she said, finally after letting the silence speak so long for her, “But… I guess I just wanted to have her a bit longer.”
“It’s not like she’s going anywhere,” Discord tried to sound as assured as he could. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel it, but he knew how Fluttershy was sensitive to those sorts of things, and wanted to give her every reason not to worry. “She’ll be freeloading off us and living in our basement for years to come. Say, unrelated, but did your brother ever get back to you on when he’d be visiting? It’s just that I have a nonrefundable vacation whenever that happens…”
“I guess,” she said, still unsure, “But most mothers have time to spend with their children before they start getting that ‘empty nest’ feeling. I’ve only known her a few weeks, and now I feel like she’s going away…”
Discord held up her chin with his tail, “Then don’t think of it as going away! She’s staying right here. She’s just… taking extended playdates with Cheese.”
“But…” Fluttershy tried to pull apart her own anxieties and put them together into words she could say, “What if they don’t… like her?”
“They’ll love her,” Discord said, eyes half-lidded as he brushed his specialpony’s mane, “Besides… I know from experience that even the chance of having friends now will make things so much easier for her down the line. You know what I’ve told you about my… childhood…”
That was a conversation she didn’t want to think back to. Fluttershy knew what Discord meant. She knew what Grogar had been like as a father, despite his clear adoration for Ann and his… slightly more wholesome, grandfatherly behavior these days. And it nearly broke her heart to picture Ann in the same place that Discord once occupied.
She couldn’t bear to think her little girl might walk that same path, towards becoming a statue…
Fluttershy felt something. A fuzzy nose pressed into her side. She looked down and watched the sleeping Ann nuzzle in close to her mom.
“Momma…” Sure enough, inside the little dream cloud was now Ann, Cheese, and their folks, all sitting around a table… and playing snooker…
The yellow pegasus leaned down and gave Ann a little kiss just above her eye.
“Alright,” she said, done with letting silence say anything more, “Let’s call up the school…”
“You know… when you said you wanted to take us out, I assumed it’d be somewhere fancy and expensive,” Silver Spoon snarked in her most sarcastic voice as she and her party sat down at Ponyville’s very own Hayburger Princess joint. The gray and silver young mare looked up directly into the cold, dead eyes of a Princess Twilight decoration holding up a hayburger and declaring it “almost as delicious as friendship”.
Diamond Tiara, allegedly the most beautiful mare in all of Ponyville, tossed her purple and white mane over her shoulder, and returned a mocking smile, “Well, Silver Spoon. I wouldn’t want you to get used to fine dining. Got to keep you within your teaching budget, right?”
“Oh yes,” the other mare laughed, “I wouldn’t be able to afford my rags otherwise!”
“Silver,” the grey pegasus stallion beside Silver Spoon elbowed her slightly, “I’m a Wonderbolt Reservist now! I can buy you whatever rags you’d like.”
She gave Rumble an appraising look, “Can you now? How very romantic.”
“In any case, Pip says the food here reminds him of Trottingham,” Diamond Tiara indicated her husband with a nod of her head.
The towering pinto stallion tried to find a comfortable position in his seat, and failed. He vaguely wondered if he’d wished on a satyr’s paw once to end up the tallest non-alicorn pony around.
“The dish and jockey's whips 'ere is mother's pearly gate,” he offered, the memory of good pub food dancing in his memory.
Silver Spoon marveled. His accent had actually gotten worse since the honeymoon…
Diamond Tiara pressed onward, naturally, “And in any case, Daddy made Pip Vice President of our shipping department. So, congratulations all around!”
“Indeed,” Silver laughed and held up her soda, “A toast!”
A cheery voice sounded over their paper cups’ ‘clinking’, “Oh? What are we celebrating?”
Silver Spoon spun around in her seat to watch her boss and colleague, Headmare Cheerilee, slowly approach the table. That deep-purple mare had to be going on… old. Silver Spoon loved her like a second mother, but it was clear Cheerilee needed to retire soon, the way she walked.
It was glacial.
“Evening Miss Cheerilee!” Diamond Tiara cried out, waving one hoof like an excitable filly, “We’re just celebrating good fortune, and the start of the school year!”
“Well, that’s wonderful Diamond,” Cheerilee finally reached their table, and smiled that nearly-grandmotherly smile at all of them. It made her heart sing, just a little bit, to see her little schoolfoals all grown up.
“Oh, Silver Spoon!” she put her (lacking) acting skills to the test, “I just remembered I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Um,” Silver Spoon frowned, slightly, “Sure… give us a minute, guys?”
The two teacher-ponies walked out into the cool air of another beautiful Ponyville evening. The sun was just vanishing below the horizon, and the whole town seemed… somehow more alive than usual. The Night Market was probably the cause, Silver Spoon thought, idly, before she turned back to her old teacher.
“So,” she began, “How bad is it? Did the newer schoolhouse burn down? Or is an asteroid on the way so we should just call off school and let whatever happens next happen?”
Cheerilee managed to frown through a titter that last one caused, “You’re too young to be that cynical. Both of those have only ever happened once. Each.”
The two teachers laughed. They both knew, without it being said, that a good laugh was needed for bad news.
Cheerilee sighed, “It’s worse.”
“Well, don’t leave me in suspense,” Silver Spoon shivered in the cool wind, “I got a nice warm fiancé waiting for me back there.”
The elder mare seemed to hesitate, just for a moment. Then, with all the austerity she could muster, she said, “Discord…”
“Oh, buck.”
“Language, my little pony!”
“Sorry,” Silver Spoon bit her lip, “But when you said Discord…”
Cheerilee shook her mane, “Apparently he and Fluttershy had a foal…”
“Oh yeah, I heard. It’s hard not to notice when she keeps making City Hall turn into a lollipop,” Silver Spoon rubbed her temple with one hoof, “So are we talking emergency plans or do we need to train the colts and fillies in Chaos drills for when that blows up in our faces?”
Cheerilee remained… impressively stoic.
“They want Anarchy enrolled in our school.”
Silver Spoon rolled her eyes, “Of course they named her… enrolled?” her voice cracked, slightly.
“Enrolled,” Cheerilee confirmed. “As in, Fluttershy and Discord… the Element of Kindness and local sort-of-Princess, and her… I suppose husband, the Spirit of Chaos itself… have just handed me the completed paperwork to have their child enrolled.”
Silver Spoon’s mouth ran dry, “But… but she’s barely…”
“She can talk,” Cheerilee interrupted. “She can talk, and despite her being a month old… she’s biologically as old as Pinkie’s son, Cheese Slice. Who is Ann’s closest, and at this point oldest friend…”
“… and Cheese is in my classroom…”
Cheerilee smiled, finally. “Bingo.”
“I have tenure,” Silver Spoon finally said, lamely.
“Not for five more days,” said Cheerilee, “Five days, during which you’re going to come up with our game plan.”
“Our… what?”
“Game plan,” Cheerilee, for a moment, stood as proudly and as resolute as a hardened guardsmare. “Figure out our demands, and present them to me by tomorrow. We’ve got a conference to prepare for. A Parent-Teacher Conference!”
By the time Silver Spoon returned to her table, she needed something stronger than soda. She needed a lot of something stronger than soda…
Princess Twilight was peeved beyond all reason two days later when, in a flash of white light accompanied by the ominous honking of clown-horns, half of her government’s lawyers and legal experts vanished without a trace. Oh, everypony else celebrated, but Twilight liked bureauponies!
But, as silly as the reasoning had been behind the abductions, she ended up simply agreeing to arbitrate in order to get her ponies back in a timely fashion.
Two days later, the Treaty of Anarchy had been signed by delegates from the Equestrian government, the School of Ponyville, and Discord and Fluttershy themselves. Dragon Lord Ember and King Thorax had been teleported in to serve as witnesses.
When the ridiculousness of all this had been pointed out by the Princess, Silver Spoon began reading out a list of incidents at the school that had been related to Discord, Chaos, or some combination of the two. After the fifth time-travel-related catastrophe, and the thirty-second incident in total, the Princess agreed that a legal framework for admitting Ann to school wasn’t without precedent.
Still, she considered it a bit much that a four-hundred-page document really boiled down to one demand…
And so, on a golden morning in the town of Ponyville, a lone Draconequus and his daughter walked along the road towards the local schoolhouse. A set of filly-sized schoolbags drifted along behind them, lifted up by a series of tiny butterfly wings. Discord had promised Fluttershy they were magic, and that no actual butterflies had been harmed in their enchantment.
Anarchy, naturally, was not quite walking on her way to her first day of school. Her hooves touched the ground only intermittently, her batwings flapping furiously to gain her enough lift to stay up… and failing.
Though only intermittently, so that was progress!
Discord glanced at his daughter, and raised an eyebrow, “I still don’t understand why you just don’t fly with your magic.”
“It’s the…” she gained two feet of altitude before dropping back down again, “… the pwinciple of the thing… gotta… pwoove myseff to Dash…”
She looked like she was hopping in slow motion. “Besides… you said I can’t… use magic at… schoo.”
“Right,” her dad sighed, shaking his head, “We should talk about that real quick.”
Ann came down once more, and then turned expectantly to her dad… who was now wearing some sort of uniform… well, she wouldn’t know what a Manehattan police officer is.
“Alright lassie, the terms of your parole,” he began, taking on a thick Shirish accent, “No Chaos Magic on school grounds, unless it’s for Gags, or to protect your life or the lives of your classmates.”
With a snap of his horn... remarkably flexible, those things... Discord had created a small black bracelet embedded with a red and green gemstone. He quickly fastened it to Ann’s foreleg.
“I’ll know if’n ye cast any sort of Chaos while on school grounds or wit ye friends,” he sighed. “Not tha’ I personally care... but I promised ye Ma...”
Ann frowned, staring at the bracelet, “Oh, okay. You made it sound awot wowse than… wait. Gags?”
“Gags,” Discord nodded, losing the accent just as swiftly as he’d put it on, “One of the Five Schools of Chaos Magic.”
He pulled up a claw and began to count on his talons, “Gags are anything that’s largely harmless, nondisruptive, and basically funny. Goofs are for whenever a Gag effects somepony else. Shimmying is anything that moves stuff around, in any dimension… so no time travel or teleporting, but I got you a loophole for flying. A lost cause, apparently, since you’re determined to use your actual wings, but whatever. And finally, Zapping. Self-explanatory, that one.”
“Um,” Ann kept frowning, “Wasn’t that only four?”
She leapt in shock as her Dad appeared behind her and said, ruefully, “Oh my darling little mystery prize! Haven’t I been a good teacher? This is CHAOS we’re talking about! If it followed its own rules, that’d just be silly…”
The little ponequus pondered what she’d just heard. And she had questions.
“What did Twiwight say about that?”
Discord folded his arms, but didn’t lose his smarmy grin, “While the Princess was a pro at math, she’s always been an abysmall student of Chaos. I just told her the fifth school was Nunya. As in…”
“Nunya business?”
“… did Aunt Pinkie use that joke too?”
“Yeah,” Ann smiled, remembering the (according to Dad) perfidious pink party planner pony princess of puns, parties, and potentially perilous parfaits baking berry biscuits in her bustling bakery. When Ann and Cheese asked about Pinkie’s secret ingredient, they’d gotten the same answer.
“Well,” said Discord, recovering, “point is, we got the school to agree to let you slide on the little chaos. Changing colors, funny noises, talking to the fourth wall…”
“But I can’t…”
“Give it time.”
Ann scrunched up her nose at that. “Is… is that it?”
Her dad nodded, “Pretty much, kiddo. I managed to get you a sweetheart deal. As long as you can keep that bracelet from flashing red, nopony should complain.”
“But,” something felt funny about this, “but then why did it take that whole stack of papers just to say that?”
Here, Discord smirked, “Because, my little Anarchy, Chaos unrestrained can only do so much. Just saying all that could take a single piece of paper… but Bureaucrats make the best Chaos, and all in the name of Order!
“They’ll be so busy going over that contract, they’ll let something else slide! Things slow down, or get lost, and before you know it… CHAOS!!!”
“So,” Ann sat back down on her haunches, “You’re wetting me go to schoo… just for Chaos?”
The Dad-onequus’ smile fell. He could feel his little one’s eyes staring back up at him. “No,” he finally said.
“No. While I would love to see you tear that place apart at the seams… I remember what it was like growing up without friends.”
He knelt down next to Ann, and picked her up in his arms. She giggled as he lifted her up onto his shoulders and began to walk again.
“It’s true,” he said, picking up the pace so Ann could hold out her wings and feel the wind beneath them, “Chaos works best when it hides inside of the rules themselves, but believe me when I say this was always for you. You believe me, right?”
Anarchy answered with a little kiss on her dad’s head.
“You’re weird,” they both said at once.
Ann sat, happily hugging her dad’s neck from there, until they were just about at the school.
“Dad?”
Discord flicked his ears back, to indicate he’d heard her.
“Can… can you get wid of my lithp?”
He stopped in his tracks. From Anarchy’s place, she couldn’t see his face, but his ears were waggling like mad. She almost gasped when her dad’s eyes popped out of his head, jumped up to her, and gave the little ponequus a piercing stare.
“And why, praytell… would I do that?”
Ann hid behind her mane. “… because I asked?”
“Hm,” Discord grunted, “I think it gives you character.”
“It’s an owd joke,” Ann countered, though quietly, and getting quieter. “The Waugh has wun its couwse.”
Discord’s eyes grew eyebrows, which frowned, “Did you ask the readership if they thought the joke was old?”
One unhidden eye narrowed at her father’s, “No… can’t see em…”
“Well, not with your hair like that,” Discord chuckled, one horn bending down to lift a long strand of pink out of the way.
“Da-ad…” she whined, though without much vigor to it. “It’s hawd to tawk wike thith. Even Cheese just nods awong sometimeth.”
The yellow and crimson eyes narrowed again, but without her dad’s mouth under them, Ann could only guess what he was feeling.
“And… you think it’ll be harder to make friends?” he asked after a long silence.
Ann just nodded. She could feel his whole-body sigh beneath her, like a big old balloon finally deflating.
“Fine,” he said quietly, “You can have your ‘L’s back. But I’m keeping the ‘R’s. It makes you sound cute.”
A plethora of parents and their children were crowded around the schoolhouses that morning. First day of school was a big moment for everycreature there, and every parent wanted to make sure the year started off on the right hoof. Or claw. Or fin, in the case of the hippogriffs. The two schoolhouses sat on the same plot of land, one for the little foals, and one for the older fillies and colts. This led to a wide, wide variety of, not just creatures, but ages to gather this morning.
Despite the numbers, the various creatures this morning were more or less scattered into their own groups and cliques, parents hanging near their children as the younger ones tried, often awkwardly, to make friends for the first time.
Yet, despite this dispersal, every single adult took a sudden notice as a Draconequus came over the hill and made his way to the school… something almost pony-shaped holding onto his shoulder.
“Oh… is that… her?”
“Horsefeathers, that thing?”
“Is it safe to bring that thing here?”
“ANN!” a singularly enthusiastic little colt leapt over the heads of the assembled parents and raced his way over towards his best friend.
“Cheese!” the ponequus jumped from her father’s shoulder and glided about five feet before landing back on the dirt road and galloping the rest of the way.
“You’re coming to school with me!?” the pink and yellow colt bounced up and down, little squeaks from Boneless punctuating each hop, “That’s awesome!”
“Yeah!” the filly practically danced in place, “Mom and Dad awe letting me go to school! Isn’t that gweat!?”
“Yeah! Wait…” Cheese’s ears flicked a few times each, “You sound weird.”
“I sound weird?” Ann asked, her mind going back over what she’d just said. “Oh, Dad eased up on my lithp…” she scowled as the wandering ‘th’ returned, “But I can say my ‘L’s now!”
Cheese’s muzzle scrunched this way and that, like he was trying to chew something that wouldn’t come apart in his mouth. “Well, that’s alright, I guess.” He completely failed to notice the smug look Discord gave Ann.
“Hey,” he glanced down at her bracelet, “ You’re wearing jewelry now? That’s real pretty!“
Ann looked down herself, “Nah, I have to weaw it. It keeps twack of when I use my magic.” She used her wings to partly cover her mouth as she conspiratorially whispered to Cheese, “I’m not supposed to use it at school.”
Cheese whispered back, “Why not?”
“Adults are weird,” she said, normally again. “But I can still do this!”
And with that, Ann stuck her tongue out, which proceeded to reach up, stick to her eye, and yank the whole thing from her head. Pulling the whole thing back into her mouth, she proceeded to chew and swallow.
A new eye popped into place as she licked her lips.
“That’s what I love about you Ann,” Cheese laughed, “You’re all heart!”
The two took off, to mingle with their fellow students, as Discord stood smiling by the side of the road. None of the other adults made eye-contact with the Lord of Chaos.
Ann and Cheese hardly noticed they were receiving the same treatment, at least from the adults who didn’t pass out, and were instead content to walk together towards the school… when a dark shadow flew overhead.
The whole crowd watched, mouths agape as a golden chariot drawn by white pegasi swung around the schoolhouses, before coming down smoothly onto the dirt road… whereupon the illusion was sullied somewhat by the clearly bumpy patch the chariot hit before it could slow down.
Ann and Cheese were nearest to the chariot, and so could hear the entire exchange that followed.
“Be careful you insensitive clodsdales!! You could have thrown us!”
“W-we’re so sorry, Your Highness!” one of the pegasi flinched.
The other matched her partner’s tone, but couldn’t help rolling her eyes beneath her helmet, “Won’t happen again, Prince Blueblood!”
“See that it doesn’t! Or else what am I even paying you for!?” the imperious speaker stepped off the chariot as he spoke, quickly brushing the incident aside as he reluctantly set hoof onto the dirt road. His brilliant blue eyes, set into an alabaster coat and beneath a golden mane looked about the assembled… peasants, disdainfully. One could not tell easily, of course, as the beautifully well-kept goatee of gold hid his true feelings.
By the way the two guards shifted, they were clearly also wondering why they put up with such low pay… that was, until a little voice came up to them from the bottom of the chariot.
“Thank you, Mister Stalwart, Miss Unyielding, for the ride!”
The guards inclined their heads, and gave soft smiles to their other passenger.
“A pleasure, Your Highness.”
“Have a good day, Princess.”
Out of the chariot then hopped a tiny filly. Her coat was a shade warmer than her father’s and her mane was gold like his, but with a bright pink swirl all throughout it and her tail. Her eyes, however, were every bit as bright and piercing blue as his, if not a bit more full of that sparkle that youth brings. She cantered right over to her father, only to come up short as she saw both the assembled ponies and creatures, as well as the school itself.
“Is…” she hesitated, quite unsure as she lifted one hoof back towards her chest, “Is this… the school, Papa?” she asked, adding emphasis to the second ‘pa’ with her accent.
“Indeed, my sweet,” Blueblood nodded, more to himself than anypony else, “The very one that Princess Twilight recommended.”
She glanced at the little red buildings, and was surprised to find that she’d taken in the entire school with that one glance.
“But… but there isn’t a single tower anywhere. There’s only one story. How is this a school, Papa?”
Blueblood turned towards his daughter and swiftly snapped into a military stance. “Pearl Rose,” he said sharply. He was glad to see her snap to, as well.
“The Princess made it clear your attendance at this school would open many opportunities,” he continued, “And so I expect you to behave yourself, and show these earth ponies the pride and dignity of our family. Is that understood?”
Pearl Rose, smiling wide as her family’s honor was invoked, nodded once. “I understand, Papa!”
Then, with a twinkle hidden just behind his mustache and heavy golden bangs, Prince Blueblood leaned down so that his muzzle was inches from Pearl’s.
“Have a good day, my dear,” he gave her a kiss right on her muzzle, eliciting a giggle from Pearl, “and… try to make friends.”
“I…” she hesitated again, “I’ll try, papa…”
“Good,” he turned back to the chariot, “friends will look good in your weekly report to the Princess.”
Her Papa nearly leapt back into the chariot and took off, back to home. Back to Canterlot. Back to a real city, not this… this dumpy little nowhere town. Well, not nowhere. Just unimportant outside of Buckball season…
Pearl Rose glanced down at the ground.
“Good heavens,” she gasped, “Who’s job is it to sweep the cobblestones here? It just looks like dirt!”
“It is dirt,” a squeaky voice startled the noble heiress. She spun in place, her little horn flashing with a bright green magical aura. It was a bluff, of course, as Pearl hardly knew any magic that could defend against…
Against a small, adorable little colt with a frizzy pink mane.
“Come again?” she asked, not sure what she heard.
“It’s diwt,” the other… thing added, “Like, wegulaw old diwt.”
Pearl Rose took a step back. The second… pony? Yes, pony, had bright golden eyes with brighter red irises that seemed to stare straight through her. It was unnerving. It was repulsive! It was…
“You’re weird-looking,” she said... and instantly regretted.
Stupid Pearl, she thought, letting your words run ahead of your brain again! Couldn’t make friends in Canterlot, so you…
“Thank you.”
It’s going to be just like when she accidentally burned down Frilly Pants’… what?
“I… I beg your pardon?”
Ann just smiled. “Thank you. I like being weird. It’s like… the only ‘R’ wowd I can say cowwectly.”
Pearl Rose… stared. She stared, and she stared, and she stared until one of her eyes began to twitch. Did she say… she liked weird?
Then, she blinked. “I’m…” she stopped again. What would the Princess say? She sat and listened to enough of her speeches to Pearl’s papa whenever they had a meetings over tea to where she could recite them in her sleep… and often did. What would she say now?
Well… second chances don’t come around twice. “I’m sorry,” Pearl finally said.
Ann frowned, confused, “For what?”
Pearl’s face fell, “I called you weird, and… and I didn’t mean it in a nice way. I was just… scared.”
Cheese was shocked, “Scared by Ann!? Why!?”
“Never mind!” Pearl snorted, “It was unbecoming of a Lady of the House of Blueblood! And I’m sorry.” She bowed her head, and awaited the usual response she got when meeting new colts and fillies; disappointment and disdain. Her papa said it was a curse of their house to be envied by others.
Pearl mostly thought it was a curse that nopony liked her very much.
“That’s okay,” said Ann like she was waving off a lost potato chip, “Wanna be fwiends?”
“Fw- I mean, Friends?” Pearl looked up into Ann’s bizarre eyes.
“Yeah, fwiends,” Ann’s smile never faltered, never dipped or drooped. It almost looked genuine to Pearl Rose.
“Um… sure,” then, remembering her breeding, she struck a noble pose and announced in an even stronger Canterlot accent, “I am Princess Pearl Rose of the House Blueblood, daughter of Vladimir and Twinkleshine. I am glad to make your acquaintances.”
Cheese giggled, “That’s a funny way of saying ‘hello’.” Then, with his laugh under control, he said, “My name’s Cheese Slice… uh, House of Pie… but also Sandwiches. Mom’s busy preparing a “First Day of School Party” back home, but my dad’s over there!”
Pearl followed Cheese’s outstretched hoof towards the edge of the crowd, where a large alligator held some sort of frizzy-maned clown up above the other ponies. He was singing a song about accordions and mayonnaise while juggling cream pies, and had a number of foals and a few older children dancing along around him.
He almost looked like…
“Wait,” Pearl whispered, “Your Papa is Cheese Sandwich? The Cheese Sandwich!?”
“I guess so?” Cheese scratched one ear absentmindedly, “He’s pretty The, whatever that means...”
Pearl’s eyes narrowed, “But that means… your Mama must be…”
Cheese nodded, “I call her Mom, but everypony else calls her Pinkie for some reason.”
Pearl’s jaw dropped. She’d never actually been in the situation before where her own Papa and family name wasn’t the biggest one in the room… uh… on the street! The real Pinkie Pie!?
“And… your Papa and Mama are…?” she turned towards the strange not-pony… no, the kind pony who’d so readily held out a hoof of friendship towards her.
“Well, my Dad’s over there,” she indicated with a batwing. Discord (because there was simply no mistaking him) was dancing atop a giant version of his own head, while juggling several fillies and colts, all of whom were laughing hysterically while their parents fainted around them.
“But my name’s Ann. It’s showt for Anawchy. Nice to meet ya!”
Discord… Ann… Discord… pink mane…
“Is…” Pearl’s mouth was dry, “Is your mom… Fluttershy?”
Ann just nodded. Just nodded. That’s… that’s all she had to say... or not say? About being the daughter of the Fluttershy!?
“But that means,” Pearl Rose blinked once, and her eyes were suddenly filled with stars, “That means that your moms… played Buckball…”
Both Ann and Cheese exchanged confused looks.
Cheese came back first, “What?”
“Buckball?” Ann asked, having never heard the term before.
And now Pearl was beginning to hop in place, chattering away, “Your parents are the first Buckball team from Ponyville!!! This is amazing!”
She nearly bowled over Ann as she ran up to the ponequus, “Your Mom still holds the record for tail-whip-rebounds in a single match! She’s still one of the top scorers of all time!!”
The wind whipped up Cheese’s mane as Pearl rushed over to him. She kept talking as she lifted up one of his hooves in her magic aura, “And Pinkie Pie’s bucking rating was consistently at 1.0 Pies! She literally set the scale! Oh, did she ever teach you how to do the 900-degree turn-buck-flip? NOPONY has ever managed to do that since her…!”
Cheese’s hooves grasped the sides of Pearl’s face, and brought their eyes to within inches of touching. Then, with the slowest, calmest voice Ann had ever heard out of her excitable friend, he said, “Breathe.”
Pearl blinked. Then, she breathed. And once Cheese had let go of her face, she smiled with a deep blush and no small amount of chagrin.
“Um… sorry. I got excited.”
Ann gave Cheese an appraising look, “Wow, Cheese! Did you learn that from your mom?”
Cheese shook his head, “Nah… sometimes my Mom needs to calm down…”
The three giggled together as he said that. Pearl Rose because the thought of one of the Element Bearers being so silly must have been a joke, Ann and Cheese because they knew better.
Finally, Pearl Rose looked Ann in the eyes, despite wanting to crawl under something while doing so. “So… did you really mean it when you said you wanted to be… friends?”
“Of couwse,” she said without hesitation. “Why?”
“Oh, it’s just…” Twilight was always saying how friends could be honest with each other, “I’ve never had friends before. None my own age, anyway. Servants don’t count, they tell me…”
Cheese placed a hoof on her shoulder, “Well, forget about what you didn’t have. You got at least two friends now!”
Pearl Rose smiled. She smiled, genuinely, for the first time in some while…
The ringing of a bell brought everypony’s attention back to the main schoolhouse door. Standing on its front step, a silver and white-colored pony shook a bell in her mouth, while the far more well-known Miss Cheerilee stood beside her, watching all her little ponies gather for the beginning of another wonderful school year.
When Silver Spoon stopped shaking her bell, Cheerilee stepped forward to say, “Welcome, welcome! Please, everyp- I mean, everycreature gather up! Students up front!”
As Ann and her friends started for the front of the school, the ponequus immediately found her progress halted. It was halted because there was an entire pony in her way. The two crashed to the ground together in a heap, each grunting out a little ‘ow’ as they landed.
“Eugh!” the other pony, a brilliantly green earth pony with a sparkling blue mane grumbled, “Watch where you’re going!”
Pearl Rose and Cheese each grabbed some part of Ann and tried to untangle her from the other filly, just as the other filly’s friends, an orange Changeling, and a tall-for-a-colt brown coat and maned unicorn helped her up.
“Sowwy about that, I wasn’t looking. Um, wanna be fwiends?” Ann held out a hoof to the other filly…
Who slapped it aside, “How about, no? You sure you can see with those ugly peepers?”
“Thank you, Beauregard,” Flawless patted her friend’s shoulder, “But I got this.”
Pearl Rose scowled, in as polite and ladylike a manner as she could manage in the face of such… such impoliteness. “I do believe we got off on the wrong hoof here. My name is Pearl Rose, Princess-of-the-House-Blueblood,” she added her titles quickly, “and these are my friends, Anarchy and Cheese Slice,” she indicated each with a nod and a wave of her foreleg.
“Finally,” Flawless sighed, “another city-pony! I’m Flawless Gem,” she tilted her nose up, “My parents are the largest gem-providers in Equestria. Perhaps you heard of Imperial Gems? We’re from the Empire, naturally, not this…" her nose turned up, "... hole.”
She indicated her own companions with one hoof, “This is my friend Mandible…”
The Changeling smirked, and gave a sarcastic salute with one hoof.
“… and you’ve already met Beauregard.”
The unicorn snorted, and then hefted his schoolbags in a blue aura. The fact he could hold them up wasn’t nothing, by young unicorn standards.
Pearl still thought he was a tool.
“But darling,” Flawless continued, “You really must come over and be friends with us. Riffraff like these… I hesitate to say ponies, have a habit of… sullying good names.”
Ann scowled, one wing lifting up to snap... when she heard a high-pitched beeping sound from her hoof. The bracelet's red gem flashed angrily at her.
"Beauregard?" Flawless smirked, "Didn't your uncle have to wear one of those after they caught him lifting oranges in Manehattan?"
Beauregard blushed, and tried to look away. "Uh... yeah... We don't talk to him much anymore..."
Flawless hardly waited for the response, "See? Sullied."
Pearl huffed, nobly, and said, “If it means sullying my name with these sorts of ponies," she nodded to Ann and Cheese, "I’ll take it. Gladly!”
Three more scowls joined the match, and now three fillies, two colts, and a nymph stared down one another, hackles raised and breath held. Not one of them moved, not one inch. The first one to move, to flinch, to blink…
The ringing of Silver Spoon’s bell caught their attention. Nocreature was staring, yet, but it was clear these six were straggling.
Flawless turned her back on the three ponies before her, saying as she left, “We’ll see you on the playground, freaks. C’mon boys.”
Watching those three head off first, Cheese was uncharacteristically peeved. “How can somepony so pretty be so… rotten inside?”
Pearl sniffed, “It’s an acquired skill, my Papa says... though he also says it comes in handy sometimes. Come on girls, we’d better not be late for… Ann?”
Pearl and Cheese turned to watch their ponequus friend. She was still staring after Flawless and her friends... and her eyes burned bright even in the harsh glare of the morning sun. Her wing was frozen in place, just an inch or so away from a good old Chaos Snap...
Freaks.
The bracelet was flashing brighter, redder.
Let's see how she likes being a...
"Ann?"
That was odd... that sounded like...
"What?" She followed the sound of the voice, and found Cheese staring back at her. His eyes were glistening pools of green, worry practically blaring out from him.
"Ann... are you alright?"
Ann blinked, and then blinked again. With a glance up and down, she took in the blinking bracelet and her tensed batwing. She shivered in place, like she'd just leapt from a hot bath into the snow, and reset her wing.
The green gem blinked once, lowly. Then silence.
"I'm okay," she shook her head again, "I just... never heard that word before and..."
“Come along darling,” Pearl nudged Ann’s withers, a sympathetic frown on her face, “We really don’t want to be late.”
As the students filed into their classes, and as the many, many parents began to march towards home or to work… the Lord of Chaos found himself alone in front of the school. Alone… and furious.
He’d seen it all, of course. He’d heard everything said and seen it all done. And, up to a certain point, he accepted what he told Fluttershy about Ann making friends. There would be friends, and there would be… not-friends. That’s how kids worked, after all.
Anarchy sat on the side of the Ponyville Early-Grade Schoolhouse, where she’d spent her morning classes, atop a small wooden stool where she would spend her first recess. Besides the Ponequus sat another filly, one with a perfect green coat and pristine blue mane. Well, nearly pristine. There was still some frosting in it.
Each sat with their backs to the schoolhouse wall, neither looking anywhere near each other. Neither one had anything to say to the other, as well.
Well, except for one thing.
“This is all your fault, you realize?” Flawless Gem said with a pout.
Ann’s eyes flashed, and her head swiveled around so hard it actually made a stock-screech sound. “WHAT!?”
Flawless grinned, “Did I stutter? Or… stuttew?” she added.
“Stop making fun of my wandewing withp!” she bit down on her tongue, eliciting a small, puppy-yelp from the rebellious appendage. She continued, “And how is thith my fault!?”
Flawless pointed one hoof at her mane, “You dropped a cake on me!”
Ann scoffed, “You called Pearl ‘stuck-up’.”
“Wouldn’t have had to if she’d just admitted the Crystal Empire is better than Canterlot,” Flawless tipped her nose up, “I mean, honestly. Whitestone and pastel is so last century…”
“… and you hit Cheese with that papew ball duwing math…”
Flawless shot Ann a rather unimpressed look, “Besides the fact that Beauregard threw the paper, didn’t you even notice when Cheese hit me with that paper glider?”
Ann frowned and crossed her forelegs across her chest, “He was thending you an invite to ow pawty.”
“Like I’d go to one of your parties after you gave my desk actual legs!”
Okay, Ann chuckled silently at that one. Didn’t dampen her anger any, however.
“You made fun of me for not knowing how to wead!”
Flawless threw up her forelegs, “Who doesn’t know how to read at our age!? Besides, those legs stepped on my hoof!”
“I’m only a month old, and my Dad put in safety featuws!”
At that, Flawless’s eyes snapped open wide and her jaw fell. And Anarchy knew… she just knew she shouldn’t have said that.
“Um…” she scrambled in her seat, “I mean…”
Flawless scrunched up her face, “So… not only are you freaky-looking, but you’re also a baby!?”
Ann leapt up into the air and let the winds of Chaos hold her aloft, “I am NOT a baby!” Then, her anger vented, she landed back on her stool and looked away, slightly embarrassed. “I just have non-twaditional aging, is all…”
After not hearing anything, not a huff or a smirk, Ann turned back… only to see Flawless’s huge, sparkling eyes near her own.
“Gah!” she fell back, toppling to the ground.
Flawless kept staring, “Safety features? And you’re only a month old…?”
As Ann propped her stool back up, she answered, a little more cautious, “Y-yes?”
“Are you…” Flawless finally took a moment to blink, “Magic? Is your dad some kind of wizard? Are you, like, some kind of monster he whipped up in his secret lair?”
“I’m not a monstew!” Ann yelled, knocking the stool over again.
“Well, what are you then?”
It was Ann’s turn to turn-up her nose, if only to look up towards the still-seated Crystal pony, “I’m a Ponequus.”
Flawless narrowed her eyes, “Doesn’t that just mean Pony-Pony?”
Ann was about to retort, but her face froze at that very instant.
That… technically… I suppose… then what…?
She sighed, wearily, “Dad…”
Then, turning back to Flawless’s curious stare, she said, “Maybe? That’s just what Dad called me. He’s a Dwaconequus, and Mom’s a pony… so they went with Ponequus…”
“What?” Flawless scowled, “Nuh-huh! Liar!”
Ann backed up a step, then scowled back in return, “I’m not a liaw eithew!”
“Yeah you are!” said Flawless, “There’s only one Draconequus, so your dad couldn’t be him.”
“Why not?” Ann asked, suddenly honestly curious.
“Because if your Dad’s Discord, then that means…”
A smooth, rich voice like a velvet blanket dripping with maple syrup said from directly behind Flawless, “Then that means you’ve made the worst possible enemy!”
Both girls yelped and leapt back from the schoolhouse wall, where a crude, chalky drawing of a Draconequus now appeared.
Ann squinted at it. “Dad?”
The drawing winked at her, and smiled, “Hello there, my patchwork pumpkin!”
“Wha- what awe you doing here!?”
“What else?” Discord waved his talon about, causing a nearby piece of chalk to float up and draw his throne. As he took his seat, the Lord of Chaos chuckled, “I wasn’t about to let you fend for yourself against this cretinous little bully.”
With a sudden snap of his paw, Discord’s Chaos magic flashed across Flawless for a moment, leaving behind an emerald-green changeling.
“What!?” she screeched, panicked tears instantly appearing in her eyes, “What did you do!?”
“DAD!” Ann growled, “That’s chitinous you’we thinking of!”
“So what?” Discord frowned, “It’s a bug-word. See? School’s already taught you something…”
“Mom taught me that wowd when she showed me her insect-gawden,” Ann sighed, hardly noticing Flawless gaping in horror at her appearance, “It’s still a bad joke.”
Discord waved his hands about, “It’s a pun! You, more than anypony, should appreciate that! Why are you getting so bent out of shape about this?”
“This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening…” Flawless crouched down into the grass as she continued to panic.
“I’m not!” Ann stomped one hoof, “I’m mad because you pwomised you wouldn’t do something like this!”
“Pssh!” the Lord of Chaos leaned his chair back, “All I did was switch off the bracelet. All that lovely Chaos in there was your doing, kiddo.”
His chalk-self snaked down to the ground and came up by the girls’ hooves, “Gonna have to mark you down for the human legs on the desk though. Not enough ponies know what those are, and absurdist humor doesn’t translate well…”
Ann kept glaring, silently.
“Don’t you look at me like that, missy!”
She huffed, “You pwomised.”
A third voice joined the argument, “Indeed. He did promise!”
Silver Spoon came out from around the schoolhouse’s corner, followed closely by Pearl Rose, Cheese, Beauregard, a Kirin student Ann hadn’t gotten the name of, and Mandible, or Dib… whose compounded eyes were focused squarely on the cowering, whimpering Flawless.
Miss Silver Spoon snarled, “Discord, I thought you’d learned by now…”
The Draconequus re-constituted himself next to his daughter, lightly brushing off chalk dust as he said, “Now, now! Before we discuss the terms of the treaty, I’d like my lawyer present.”
Another Discord, one dressed in a grey suit and spectacles, popped into existence right next to him. This… Lawcord, began shuffling papers in front of him, none of which had anything legible written on them.
Discord leaned in, “You work pro bono?”
Lawcord nodded, “You couldn’t afford my billables otherwise.”
“Discord!” said Silver Spoon.
Ann was about to yell as well, when she finally noticed the sounds Flawless was making as she cried into her hooves. She looked down at the pony who’d been ruining her first day of school all morning, and felt… something. She wasn’t sure what it was called, but it took the legs out from under the anger she’d felt earlier.
Dib, still staring, finally broke Anarchy’s contemplative silence, “Um… is she gonna be okay?”
With a snap of her batwing-fingers, Ann reversed her Dad’s trick, and returned Flawless to her original form. The Crystal pony shakily stood up, her sobs dying away quickly as she saw herself.
Her eyes were wet and raw.
“Thanks,” she said, quietly, and sniffled again. Then, Flawless puffed out her chest, eyes flashing in anger, “Thanks for sicking your DAD on me!”
“But I didn’t…!”
“WHEN MY MOM FINDS OUT…!”
“Flawless!” Silver Spoon snapped, “Anarchy!”
Both fillies jumped, and then hung their heads as their teacher prepared to no doubt give them both the dressing down of their lives for all the manner of Chaos they’d dropped into her classroom this morning.
Instead, she took a long, cleansing breath, and said with the stillness of a pond in winter, “I will speak with both of your parents tonight. This behavior will not continue tomorrow, or ever. Am I understood?”
A little more scared at the calmness of their teacher than any potential screaming anger they’d expected, both fillies only nodded.
Silver Spoon smiled. “Good. Now, Flawless? You and your friends can return to recess. Ann? Stay for a moment so I can ask you about something.”
Flawless Gem, despite every instinct in her body telling her to gloat about this to the little freak that had ruined her morning, accepted that discretion was the better part of valor, and took off at a light trot alongside her two friends.
“You know…” said Dib as he, Beauregard, and Flawless walked away, “You were really pretty as a Changeling.”
“Oh, shut up Dib,” she snapped back, only to pause thoughtfully, and then ask, “Really?”
Four foals, including Ann, Cheese, Pearl, and the unknown Kirin colt, stood around, waiting for their teacher’s pronouncement.
“M-miss Silver Spoon?” Ann looked up at her teacher with concern. She didn’t know much about how these things worked, but she knew Chaos. And Chaos didn’t much care for authority-figures. And so, as Ann stood there, awaiting the judgement of one such, she couldn’t help but feel a little queasy.
Silver Spoon, however, gave Ann a reassuring smile. “Ann,” she said slowly, “I know you wouldn’t have done… most of what you did today if Discord wasn’t,” she turned a far more agitated glare up at the Draconequus, floating lazily in the air, as she growled, “encouraging you… but I’m going to have to ask you to not use any of your magic for the rest of the day, unless it’s a true emergency. Can you do that for me?”
“I…” Ann kicked the dirt with one hoof, “I guess…”
Her teacher nodded, “Good. And I also wanted to talk about your other problem.”
For a moment, nopony spoke. Finally, Ann realized her teacher was waiting for her to say something, so she naturally brought up the most pressing issue she could think of.
“You can help me fly?” she asked, hopefully.
“Fly? What?” Silver Spoon shook her head, “N-no. I mean, I want to help you with your reading problem.”
Ann finally understood, “Oh…! But I don’t have a weading pwoblem. I just can’t do it, is all.”
Silver Spoon blinked. Twice. “Ann… that’s what we call a problem.”
“Oh.”
“See,” the teacher pressed on, “Most colts or fillies your age… or, your friends’ ages should be able to read at least a little bit…”
Cheese leaned in, “My mom taught me to read her party menus.”
“Papa let me read the Canterlot Times,” Pearl Rose chimed in, “and when I’m staying with Mama, she reads storybooks with me.”
Discord droned on, essentially unheard by those below him, “Grogar tried with ghost stories, but I was always more partial to fanfiction. If that stuff doesn’t drive you mad, nothing will…”
“So,” Silver Spoon coughed to get the momentum back, “I think we should schedule a few extra reading sessions until you catch up. Like, during parts of recess, or after school. And to help with that, I’d like you to meet Shade Bright. Say hello, Shade Bright.”
The unknown Kirin stepped forward, and approached Ann. His coat was red, with patches of hard scales on his back, and his mane was thick and green hanging from around his neck all the way up to his curving, branch-like horn. Cheese, standing just off to one side with Pearl Rose, sort of thought he looked like a walking Hearth’s Warming decoration.
Shade Bright adjusted the set of glasses balanced on his nose, and then held out his hoof to Ann, saying in a high, nasally voice, “Nice to meet you. Everypony just calls me Shady.”
Ann stared at the hoof for a moment before she took it, and said, “Hi Shady, I’m Anawchy, but evewypony calls me Ann.”
“Shade,” Silver Spoon continued, “is one of our best readers, and he’s agreed to help me teach you how. Would that be alright?”
“If you think it’s a pwoblem,” said Ann, smiling at a potential new friend.
Silver Spoon nodded, “Great! We’ll set up some extra time for you two to practice reading together. Now,” she stamped one hoof, “Go enjoy your recess!”
As the foals ran off towards the playground together, Silver Spoon’s smile slowly faded until she could turn a truly ghastly glare back on the Draconequus.
Discord didn’t seem impressed. “You’re stifling her creativity,” he chided, “Reading merely words can create such a narrow view of things…”
“Discord, we have to talk about this. What you did today was beyond inappropriate…”
“Oh yes, but,” Discord stretched out in the air until his back popped, “I really should head off. Lots to do before the party tonight.”
Silver Spoon raised an eyebrow, “Party? At the Castle?”
“Indeed,” Discord said, drifting back and forth through the air, “For the kids and their first day at school.”
“Excellent,” Silver Spoon smiled, “Then I will see you and Fluttershy tonight at the party.”
That brought the Lord of Chaos up short. “What?” he said, feet firmly planting on the ground.
The silver and grey pony grinned even wider, “Pinkie Pie sent me an invite. So, I can see you both there, and we can discuss moving forward with Ann’s education.”
“Uh, wait… we can…” Discord scrambled seemingly without moving an inch, “Ann can’t be…”
“Ann,” she continued, “Cannot be held liable for the actions of outside interference, I know. But the Princess will also be at the party,” Silver Spoon smirked just enough to remind Discord of a card shark playing their winning hoof, “so if the Treaty we signed had any clauses pertaining to punishments for outside interference, we can also get that sorted out immediately.”
Discord watched Silver Spoon canter back to the playground proper, where she would remain until the end of recess. He eventually shook his head, and then threw another panicked glance over to the Lawcord still standing by in his grey suit.
Lawcord just looked back at him in fear. “Don’t look at me!” he said, “I got my degree from night school!”
And with that, he lowered the visor on a helmet he was suddenly wearing, and kicked the sides of his trusty steed he was suddenly riding upon.
“Ouch!” cried Derpy, “What gives!?”
“Yah!” cried Lawcord, and the two flew up and away.
This left Discord, Lord of Chaos, standing alone on the school grounds, contemplating his fate. His daughter was angry with him. His wife was going to be disappointed in him. And he was about to prove his father right about him, again.
“At least things can’t get any worse…”
At noon, the morning classes at Ponyville Schoolhouse let out, allowing Ann and her friends a chance to leave the stuffy confines of the classroom to explore the town. The rains had come and gone, but despite the sun out today, muddy puddles still littered the streets and the smell of rainwater still saturated the air.
There were still a few hours before Cheese and Ann’s parents had said to arrive at the Castle of Friendship for the party, so the four friends decided to take in the sights. They walked in a little line, with Shady and Cheese on the flanks, and Pearl and Ann in the middle.
“I’ve nevew met a Kiwin befowe,” Ann said as they set out, “Awe you a pony?”
“Ann!” Cheese gasped, “You can’t just ask if somepony’s a pony!”
Shady leaned forward to get a better look at Cheese as he said, “Um, but I am a pony.”
“Yeah,” Cheese reached up into his mane and pulled out a peach-topped cupcake, “But what if you weren’t?”
The red-and-green Kirin… had no real answer to that, and so just shrugged and went along with it. He looked back to Ann and said, “Well, anyway… we’re ponies. Actually, we’re related to unicorns.”
By way of demonstration, he ignited his branch-like horn in arctic blue light, and levitated Cheese’s cupcake out of the colt’s hoof, depositing it with Pearl a moment later. While Cheese merely stared in wonder, Pearl gave a weak smile at Shady before she began to eye the confection with suspicion.
“Though,” Shady laughed, “My mom says that we’re, ‘like, everycreature all at once, cosmically’.” He’d said the last part in a tone of voice Ann could only describe as ‘groovy’.
Pearl, hoofing the peach-cupcake back to its owner, asked, “Don’t Kirin live in the Kirin Grove? Papa says that’s very far away.”
“Oh yes,” Shady nodded, “Way far away. If my mom wasn’t working to preserve foal’s breath flowers, my folks never would have met.”
At a questioning look from Ann, he continued, “My mom helps preserve animals and plants that are rare and endangered. Foal’s breath is a magical flower that only grows in the Grove, where my dad lives. Only my dad is a Kirin, actually. Mom’s an earth pony.”
Pearl’s eyes flashed, “Your Mama and Papa… don’t live together?”
Shady shook his head.
“Does…” she stopped, and seemed to change what she was about to say, “Are you alright?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” he answered back, “Dad says that we all have to live as we can. Mom doesn’t like living in one place too long. Seems like everypony wins.”
Pearl said nothing else. She returned a pensive stare to the road.
Ann gasped, not having noticed, eyes widening with realization. “But if you’we half-and-half… you’we just like me?”
“I…” Shady paused to think, “I guess so, yeah.”
Ann grinned, and with eyes closed she began to prance joyously alongside her friends, not even taking a side-step around the next mud puddle in their way.
“Darling!” Pearl cried out, “Your hooves! You’re getting yourself absolutely filthy! What will your parents say?”
The ponequus stood in the mud she’d been splashing merrily through a moment ago. She looked down to her muddy legs… and shrugged.
“Dad can help clean me with his magic once we get to the pawty. Oh!” her eyes widened again, “Shady? Did you want to come to the pawty?”
Shady smiled brightly, “I’d love to! I just gotta tell my mom. She should be home today, so we can go ask her!”
And off they began to trot again.
“You’re coming with us too, right Pearl?” Cheese asked as they made their way into Ponyville’s center.
“Oh,” she said, sidestepping the same mud-puddle Cheese happily now paddled through, “I wasn’t sure if it was polite to ask…”
Cheese just laughed, “Did you think we’d say no? My mom always says, ‘If you can’t party with your friends, then why party at all?’, and you’re our friend, right?”
Pearl Rose was about to say, ‘Am I?’, when she felt Anarchy nudge her from the other side.
“Of couwse!” she said.
Pearl was smiling so brightly at her friends that she completely failed to notice the next mud puddle in their path. Which she stepped in, and unfortunately found to not be a puddle at all, but rather a pothole filled in with rainwater.
She dropped straight in up to her chin with a splash!
“Aaagh!” Pearl screamed and started flailing to get out of the watery hole. Cheese sprang into action, biting down on her tail-hairs and immediately pulling, while Shady used a little of his own magic to grab her forelegs and push her back and out of the puddle.
After a few moments, she was back on land… and terror-struck.
“Oh no,” she whimpered, looking at her muddy hooves, “Oh no, oh no! What will Papa say!?”
Cheese hummed, “Uh… ‘go wash up before dinner’?”
“He’ll be furious!” she cried, her voice rising higher and higher as images of a disappointed Papa swam before her eyes. “I’m besmirching the Blueblood name!”
Shady looked up and down Pearl’s mud-covered front, “I mean… it’s not that bad. My mom keeps telling me to come home a little muddier some days.”
Ann flicked up an eyebrow at the Kirin, “Weally?”
He nodded. “Oh yeah. She says,” he ahem’d and put on the ‘groovy’ voice again, “that if one is free to express themselves, mah little dude, one must accept both the light and the dark in life.”
Ann and Cheese nodded along with that philosophy. It seemed to make so much sense, even if they hadn’t a clue as to what a ‘dude’ was.
“Well that’s all well and good for you,” Pearl started tearing up, “but when I get home tonight, Papa will… he’ll…”
She sat down, heavily onto her haunches, and let out a weeping sob, “He’s going to be Disappointed!!!”
As the other three watched their fourth friend cry, each started to think of a way to help Pearl out. But it was Cheese who came to an idea first.
“Ann,” he whispered, “You can use your magic now!”
She gave him a look, “What would that accomplish?”
“Well, you said you’ve been trying to learn how to clean with Chaos magic, right?”
Ann squeaked, trying not to think about that time with her mother and Auntie Dash. Though…
Pearl Rose was up, her brilliant blue eyes locking onto Ann’s, and only managing to flinch just slightly as she did so.
“Ann…” she said, taking a deep breath, “You know magic? Magic that can help?”
“I…” her wings fidgeted, “I’ve been pwacticing, but I don’t…”
Pearl ran straight up to her friend and raised a hoof to her shoulder, only to set it down again, realizing she was about to make the problem worse. “Please, Ann,” she pleaded, “Help me.”
Ann leaned back a bit. She couldn’t help but think back to that day with Auntie Dash and how it had all gone poofy so quickly.
But then she started thinking. Chaos didn’t like cleaning. It didn’t like being orderly. But… if she could do something Chaotic that would lead to Pearl Rose getting cleaned up… maybe it would work?
She lifted one bat-wing and flapped it lightly a few times, to get any kinks out. “Awe you suwe?” she asked.
Pearl nodded, once, and then set herself into a proud and noble pose. It was the sort you found on paintings in museums, or in the Blueblood parlor, of a proud pony standing proud and nobly against certain doom in fabulous watercolors.
Anarchy held in her mind the warmth she felt a week past, when Rainbow Dash became a blur of hot wind and rainbow-light whipping around her. She held onto that feeling, and with her bat-wing fingers, she went to summon her magic.
In a flash of white light, a little rainbow tornado roared up from around Pearl’s hooves, eliciting a high-pitched squeak from the filly. She didn’t have wings, so Ann hoped nothing would go wrong like last time… but she still worried as her friend was swiftly engulfed by her magic.
But once the magic had passed, Pearl seemed completely fine! Her mane was… up a little, and the mud had caked dry, but that just meant they could wipe it off easy. Ann did it! Her magic actually worked!
Or, it did. But then Ann noticed the telltale crackle and pop of static that writhed almost invisibly across Pearl’s coat and mane. Her face fell just as all that staticky energy snapped.
It happened again.
Pearl’s coat and mane fired out in every direction, instantly turning her from a unicorn into a frazzled cottonball with hooves. The only plus side was that her hair jumped so hard it shattered the layer of mud and flung the dirty bits completely free of Pearl’s body.
But that was the only upside. Pearl’s eyes narrowed to dots as she looked down, and she made the most eerily silent gasping scream Ann had ever heard. It was so high-pitched that Ann and Cheese were certain only dogs could hear it.
As could Kirin, if Shady’s cringing face and folded ears were any indication.
“What…” Pearl’s voice finally dropped low enough to be heard, “What did you DO!?”
Ann shrank back a step, “I just tried to help.”
A crazed look came over Pearl, and she advanced on Ann with a scowl, “Ann, you made it worse!!! Papa won’t just be disappointed… he’ll be… he’ll be furious!!!!”
“I just tried to help,” Ann could only repeat, as much to herself as her… as her former friend. She’d only known her less than a day, and already Ann had ruined it. A tightness formed in her chest, cutting off air to her voice. Ann could only mouth her refrain, ‘I just tried to help’.
Cheese stepped in, “Pearl, Ann was just tryin’…”
“I know what she was trying to do, Cheese!” Pearl cried, tears streaming down her matted cheeks, “What I’m upset about is what she’s done!”
Shady used his magic to push Cheese back just enough for the Kirin to get in close. “Guys, this is totally not chill. Everypony made mistakes, we all said things. Let’s just stop before…”
Pearl snarled at Shady like an animal straight out of Everfree, “That’s not the point! Papa will be furious! He’ll think I can’t take care of myself!” She sniffed, and sat down in the mud, “He’ll make me go back to Canterlot… where I didn’t have any friends…”
Cheese and Shady exchanged looks, each unsure what to say. They’d reached that awkward point in every conversation with a distraught friend where there was nothing more to say, but nothing had gotten better. Pearl sniffled and cried at her hooves, and there was simply nothing to say.
But there was always something to be done.
They heard the snap before they felt the rush of warm air. A little bit of rainbow-light still flicked about as both colts turned to see Ann’s fur pop out with a static-zap. She was instantly a bright-yellow ball of fuzz with a fuzzy haze of pink and black mane and two leathery-blue wings sticking out the back.
Pearl saw her too. And Ann’s eyes, normally so scary to the filly, were just as filled with tears as hers were.
“I’m sowwy,” Ann whispered, approaching slowly, “All I wanted to do was help, but my magic doesn’t always like to do what I want. And… and your Papa can’t send you back if…”
Ann reached Pearl, head hanging low, and finished her babbling with, “He can’t send you back if it wasn’t youw fault. If it happened to all of us too…?”
The princess looked down at Ann with glassy, tear-stained eyes. She sniffed, and shifted her eyes down to her hooves, and then to the muddy pool a few short feet away.
Then, she looked back at Ann. And the hug she threw around the Ponequus’s neck came so suddenly that Ann skittered like a squirrel.
“I’m sorry,” Pearl said into Ann’s mane, “I’m so sorry, Ann! I wasn’t thinking. I was just scared, but you were… you were being kind.”
Ann smiled, and returned the hug. Cheese grinned ear to ear, and smiled up at Shady, who had the exact same look on his muzzle.
“So,” Pearl said as she finally broke the embrace, “Papa will just have to deal with muddy hooves!” and with a squeal of laughter, she leapt back into the mud, splashing Shady with the muck.
“Is this how ponies here solve all their problems?” Shady asked, smiling despite the mud in his mane… or perhaps because of that.
“Not normally,” Cheese laughed and tackled Ann into the same puddle, “But it seems like a great idea! Ann?” he asked with a twinkle of mischief in his eye.
“Yeah, Cheese?” Ann laughed from the bottom of the pony pile.
“… any chance you could give me and Shady that frizzy mane too…?”
The Castle of Friendship stood at the edge of Ponyville, but was always seemingly front and center in the hearts of the ponies and creatures who lived there, and certainly front and center of all the tourism packets for the once sleepy little backwater. It looked particularly picturesque today, just as Twilight was lowering the Sun on another day, with the glorious orange sky catching in the blue and purple facets of the castle’s architecture.
Inside the Castle was no different. The main library of the castle, now serving as library for the entire town, was strewn with pink and yellow bunting, and several long tables had been set up covered in every confectionary and baked delight that the combined talents of Pinkie Pie and the Cake Twins could devise.
And such was needed, for in addition to two foals finishing their first full day of school, this party was the perfect excuse for many a creature to let their manes hang loose and engage with their friends and families. And as Ann and Cheese were still, presumably, on their way, the various creatures in attendance got right to mingling.
“Disgraceful,” muttered Grogar, the Father of Monsters, the Nec-ram-ancer himself as he tossed yet another cupcake into the maw that was his mouth. “These treats shall ruin Ann’s appetite, and she will disdain the dinner we had planned. I must dispose of these… confectionaries at once!”
As Grogar tipped a small plate of cookies towards his jaws, Luna stood next to him at one of the tables, rolling her eyes. “Grogar, it is impolite to scarf treats at a party. In the thousands of years you’ve stalked these lands, did you never learn this lesson?”
Celestia leaned in, three separate, half-eaten cake slices floating around in her magical aura, “Sister, Grogar and I are just enjoying our Golden Years. Live a little!”
“I really hate how the expectation of my being the mature sister goes up proportionally with the amount of baked goods in the local vicinity,” Luna sighed.
The Ram of Evil finished cleaning off his plate before turning his baleful eye down the table. “I could do for some flan…”
“Hey!” a shrill cry startled the three immortals, who began to scatter and flee at the approach of a bright pink mare holding aloft a wooden cooking spoon in one of the curls of her insanely frizzy, curly hair.
“Shoo!” Pinkie Pie scattered the Princesses and the Nec-ram-ancer before her, “Skedaddle! There’s a whole table for you back there! Stop eating the kids’ stuff!!!”
Watching that little bit of theater, a small pack of certainly non-pony creatures huddled together, sharing laughter and warmed cider in equal measure.
“Professor Pie got a lot less chill since she had Cheese, didn’t she?” the orange dragon Smolder smirked as she spied the perpetually ponked pink princess party pony punch and prod the palookas who preferred to pig-out on her pastries.
Silverstream tittered, sipping cider as she said, “Oh, she’s not usually like that. Just when you mess with her party planning. She’s like a second mom to the students in my class whenever I can get her in for a guest lecture.”
“I wish Sandbar, Yona, or even Gallus were here,” Ocellus sighed, and took a nibble out of a daffodil sandwich, “Not that I’m complaining about the company!”
There was a veritable chorus of chuckles from the three ponies who stood with their fellow teachers. Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom were just full of good humor today, and even such an unintended slight didn’t have any power over them.
“Well, Yona and Sandbar wanted to help Rarity with that whole Changeling Revolution deal,” Sweetie Belle grinned, “So Gallus had to go.”
“Yeah,” Smolder nodded, “The only thing that birdbrain ever took seriously was his job. Still, the School isn’t the same without him.”
“I just wish Fluttershy could make more appearances at the school,” Apple Bloom added, “Her lectures on Everfree plants and animals are always a surefire way of keepin’ folks awake in the afternoon classes.”
Scootaloo glanced over at her long-time friend and coworker, “Um, didn’t Starlight tell you?”
“What?”
Sweetie Belle took up the story, “Fluttershy’s been asking about coming back to do more teaching.”
Smolder scoffed, “She’s got a foal now! I may not know what you ponies do with your young, but dragons spend a lot of time and energy making sure ours are safe, protected, and under lock and key. Where does she find the time?”
When she noticed the slightly odd look she was getting from Ocellus, she added, “What? I can’t help it if dragons classify hatchlings as hoard-possessions…”
“Ann’s basically a school-filly already,” Apple Bloom tapped her chin, “So I s’pose there ain’t as much to do on Fluttershy’s part.”
Scootaloo sighed, “Oh great. It’s just like when we got our Cutie Marks all over again.”
“What happened?” asked Silverstream.
Sweetie Belle laughed, “Apple Bloom lost her mind!”
“T’weren’t so bad as all that!” Apple Bloom snapped, “I just… I just lost mah purpose for a bit, is all.”
“Poor professor,” Ocellus sighed, “That can’t be easy. Changelings have really tight-knit family bonds. I don’t know what I would do if my nymphs grew up so quick that I thought they didn’t need me.”
Smolder raised an eyebrow, “Uh… you don’t even date. Last time I saw a Changeling look in your general direction you turned into a chair.”
The Changeling blushed. “I… might need to talk with Professor Fluttershy about getting over anxiety… sometime.”
In contrast to these close and jovial encounters, just to the… well, there weren’t a lot of corners in a room as round as the castle library, but in the nearest thing to such an architectural connivance that the room held, partly hidden by a large, glass punchbowl, a rather well-dressed unicorn stallion and equally radiant unicorn mare stood in a heated discussion.
The coldest heated discussion of all time.
“I’m afraid,” Vladimir Blueblood began, testing the dialogue-equivalent of waters for sharks, “there’s been a terrible mix-up with Prince Rutherford and Prince Armor. Something to do with a mispronounced Yakyakistan seasonal greeting… In any case, Princess Twilight’s asked me to head the delegation.”
The Princess Twinkleshine tossed her pink locks over her shoulder and gave her husband somehow both a despising look and a tired one at the same time, “You had to tell me this now?”
“… it could start a war, Shine…”
She carefully set her glass of punch down on the table, whereupon it vanished unseen into the gullet of a ravenous ram chased by an accelerating pink blur, and sighed, “You always do this Vladimir. You know I have a full caseload this week. I won’t get to spend any time with Pearl if she’s staying with me.”
“You could stay at the estate?” he said with… just a bit too much enthusiasm to be an entirely objective fact.
She was seemingly unimpressed with that line of logic, “You know why that’s not a good idea. And besides, that does nothing for my cases. The Princess…”
“Will understand!” he pressed on.
“She shouldn’t have to.” Twinkleshin turned back to her punch, and finding it gone decided to pour herself another. “If you ever once thought about somepony else, maybe you’d understand…”
Vladimir idly tapped his hooves, thoughts racing through his mind for something else to say. “You look beautiful tonight,” he eventually decided upon.
Twinkleshine sighed. How many times had they had this exact conversation? This exact fight-that-wasn’t-a-fight? She usually couldn’t fault him when it came to Pearl Rose, even if everything else in their… unconventional relationship could be.
She gripped his bowtie in her blue magical aura, and tugged until it was just a touch straighter on his neck. “You look great too, Vlad.” It wasn’t untrue, despite everything else.
“Now, how did Pearl look when you dropped her off this morning…?”
“… so, sometimes Honesty can save a friendship,” Luster Dawn smiled as she recalled her day’s adventure with her friends, “but too much honesty all at once can sometimes just sour somepony instead of help them.”
The pink-coated mare grinned brightly up at her teacher, the Princess Twilight, and only slightly wondered if she’d done a good enough job at this week’s Friendship report. She still had the essay and the statistical analysis up in her room above the library… just in case.
“I am very happy to learn you’ve learned that particular lesson, Luster,” the Princess beamed back, and gave her student a little friendly nuzzle, “It took me a lot longer to pick up on the nuances of honesty. Remind me later to tell you about the time Applejack almost sank the local Ponyville fashion scene, single-hoofed!”
The two laughed, safely just on the inside of an archway that led to a side chamber. Safe, specifically, from prying ears and eyes, where the teacher and student could leave aside titles and simply be friends overlooking a fun little party for a couple of young foals taking their first steps into a larger world.
“Now,” Twilight grinned slyly, “How has being the town’s new librarian been for you?”
Luster shrugged, “It’s… different. I still think of the castle as my foalhood home, so treating it like a government building and my job, is weird.”
Twilight laughed, but said nothing, instead simply enjoying her pupil’s responses.
“And I don’t really get to talk a lot of magic theory with the locals,” Luster frowned, “Mostly they just want books on soil development, economics of farming, or comic books.”
Twilight snorted, “Well, Ponyville is a simple town, no matter how much it grows. I’m glad it still has something of its old spirit. You could always talk to your mother or myself if you wanted to chat magic.”
“I guess,” Luster admitted, “But you’re always so busy… not that I resent you doing your job or anything!” she added hastily, to Twilight’s amusement, “But between the School and that Magic Summit, Mother’s so busy… oops.”
The Princess raised an eyebrow, “Oops?”
Luster shifted uncomfortably in place, biting her lower lip. Then, with a sigh of resignation, she said, “I didn’t want to mention the Summit, since you weren’t going to be there…”
Twilight chuckled, “While I’m happy to know you were taking my feelings into consideration, you needn’t bother, my faithful student.”
“You…?” Twilight Sparkle… wasn’t upset about missing a meeting of all the mightiest and most respected Archmages in all of Equestria? “You’re not bothered? About not attending?”
The Princess beamed, “Oh, but I am attending.”
Luster’s worried stare seemed to take a few seconds to register.
“Oh, I’m using Hindberg’s Uncertainty Principle to be in two places at once.” Twilight puffed her chest out, just a little.
Luster’s eyes went wide as she gasped, “R-really?”
“Yes. In fact, your mother’s giving a lecture right now discussing the interaction of time magic on interdimensional portals.” Twilight closed her eyes a moment, and then chuckled, “Sunset just made a bit of a cheeky joke at Starlight’s expense…”
“But…” Luster reached out one hoof, as if it would pass right through her teacher’s body, “How do you keep track of everything?”
“Starlight also helped me work out a few memory spells meant to make the process easy,” her horn briefly lit up, causing a veritable engine of mystic cogs and gears to flare in and out of existence around her head.
“Though,” a hint of chagrin danced across her features, “giving credit where credit is due, the original spell only functions because Celeste figured out a thaumic-algorithm to counter Owlbear’s Paradox…”
At that precise moment, there was a faint pop and a light flash of gold magic, just off to the side and away from the party proper. Teacher and student remained quiet a moment, as they could just hear a pair of familiar voices approaching through one of the side-hallways.
“You know, I can teleport us just fine as well,” said the… more regal voice.
“Ha!” the second, younger… more mystical voice laughed, “Whenever you teleport us, there’s a sixty-percent uptick in the chances we’ll ‘accidentally’ wind up at a music festival, or a theater, or your favorite restaurant instead of where we’re supposed to go, Your Highness…”
The two finally appeared, in all their glory. The taller pony was, without any doubt if one saw her stain glass representation back in the throneroom of Canterlot, the Princess Flurry Heart. In form, the alicorn princess was just like her mother, tall and willowy, with flowing mane. But she took after her father, Shining Armor, well, bearing not just a coat almost as white as his own, but crystal-silver regalia that more resembled armor than jewelry.
And by her side was a young mare only a bit older than Luster herself. One who could have passed as a clone of the Great and Powerful School Counselor Trixie Lulamoon, except for the grey coat and swirling mane she inherited from her father, Starswirl the Bearded.
Princess Twilight managed, nobly, not to throw a hateful glance towards the Cutie Map Table, a few rooms over, as her beloved niece and her former pupil approached.
“Were my ears burning just now?” Celeste swept into the Princess’s presence with a flourish of her emerald-green cape and wizard hat, “I could have sworn somepony was talking about the Marvelous, Mystical Celeste… oh! Luster!”
She veered away from the Princess, and directly towards Luster Dawn, where the two ponies would enact a tradition just as serious as it was ancient.
“Sunshine! Sunshine!” the two unicorns smiled as they performed the dance of former foals and their former sitters, “Lady Bugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”
As the two fell to giggles, Flurry Heart leaned into her aunt and whispered, “I will never forgive you for teaching them that.”
“Why?” Twilight slyly smiled back, “Are you ‘too cool’ to do the Sunshine Dance now?”
“Not at all!” the Crystal Princess reached up to her considerably taller Aunt, pulled her long neck down, and gave her a smooch right on the end of the Princess’s muzzle.
“I just prefer our traditions, BAFF.”
Twilight giggled with Flurry over their shared, familial weirdness, acronyms and all. “How are you two settling in at the palace?” she asked as Celeste teleported her hat and cape away.
“So far, so good,” Flurry said, casting a look subconsciously back towards Canterlot, “I love visiting Nana Velvet and Grampa Night Light, and Spike says he’s ordering pizza and hayburgers from your favorite joint for dinner.”
Celeste smirked, “Wow! So regal!” to which Luster gave a weak, nervous laugh.
Twilight smirked back, “Well, my arrogant and egotistical student…”
“Redundant.”
“… Not in your case,” the smirk cracked, slightly, revealing the deep well of good-natured affection beneath the Princess’ words, “I don’t seem to recall you or Flurry Heart complaining back when you stayed over at the palace with me. What was your favorite order again? A Grande Special with,” the Princess valiantly kept her shudder to less than a second, “cheesy-hayfries in the burrito…?”
Flurry tittered, “I remember licking all the frosting off the cupcakes meant for the Grand Galloping Gala…”
“And I recall Pinkie almost having her foal early when she found out,” Twilight laughed.
Another round of giggles and chuckles sounded, even as Celeste sweat slightly at the reminder and glanced awkwardly towards Luster, who thankfully seemed more intrigued than disappointed in her former foalsitter’s eating habits.
Sadly, at least for Twilight, this was the moment she finally caught sight of somepony clearly trying to grab her attention. Across the hall, she could see Silver Spoon, the local grade school teacher, waving towards the alicorn Princess. She stood next to Fluttershy and Discord…
… who looked supremely guilty.
“Sorry girls,” Twilight sighed, wondering what that old Draconequus had done this time, “Duty calls…”
Minutes later, the doors of the castle swung wide open, admitting entrance to four sprinting, leaping, laughing fillies and colts, though one would be mistaken for thinking a cloud of dirt and fuzz had come swarming into the castle instead. A single, solitary figure followed them in with the slow, lazy tread of one who didn’t mind the rambunctious kids racing ahead of her.
She loved watching free spirits play, after all.
They had raced all the way across Ponyville, engaged in the lengthiest game of tag in the town’s history outside of a particularly competitive match held between Rainbow Dash and Applejack some twenty years before. But as they entered, Ann, Shady, and Pearl paused in their game to look up and marvel at the castle’s crystal décor.
“Wow!” said Ann.
“Beautiful!” exclaimed Pearl Rose.
“Groovy,” added Shade Bright.
“Mom!” laughed Cheese as he raced ahead of the others towards the party.
The four barreled into the library, with even Little Cheese marveling at the wonderous display of food, decorations, and the appearance of all the adult ponies in their lives. Like a bursting bag of flour, the colts and fillies flew out in every direction to cling to their folks and friends to tell the stories of their first day of school.
Pinkie barely had time to spin around from lecturing the twin Princesses and Grogar when Cheese leapt straight into her outstretched forelegs.
“Hey Cheese!” she laughed and spun her little colt around, “You had a great day at school?”
“It was fine,” Cheese smiled and hugged his mother tight, her own return of the embrace causing Boneless to squeak on his back, “Did you know Ann was going to be there!?”
Pinkie Pie set Cheese down and said, “Sure did! I knew the surprise would be worth it!”
“You have a good eye for surprises, Mom!” he laughed. Then, Cheese’s eyes narrowed slightly, “Um… what’s going on with Auntie Luna and Celestia? Are they in trouble?”
Celestia took the opportunity to lean over Pinkie and explain herself, “We’re most sorry, Little Cheese. We… may have gotten carried away with the party atmosphere.”
Luna scowled, “I did nothing wrong. Except be related to a cake-harvester…”
“Grogar did everything wrong,” said Grogar, “Of which he is proud…”
Blueblood and Twinkleshine were quite surprised to see Pearl rush into the room with the other foals. Twinkleshine was more surprised that her darling little wallflower was jumping and laughing as she came in, surrounded by what she could only describe, warmly, as friends.
Vladimir was surprised only that his little princess wasn’t screaming bloody murder, considering the state of her.
“Papa! Mama!” Pearl cheered as she came skidding to a halt at their hooves, “You’re here!”
Blueblood’s mouth worked silently a moment, gratefully hidden behind his goatee, “Oh, of course… my sweet thing… but your coat! Your mane! What in heavens happened to you!?”
Pearl wilted, ever so slightly, under her father’s near-shout, and for that Twinkleshine would find a most fitting revenge. But, a moment later, Pearl seemed to stand a little straighter.
“Papa,” she said with a tone every bit as commanding as one expected of a Princess, “There was a freak tornado through town today while I and my friends were playing. It did this to all of us!”
Now, Vladimir Blueblood hadn’t become the head of Equestria’s diplomatic corps by being easy to fool or by not being able to recognize a bold-faced lie when it was told to him. He’d gotten there because he knew how to lie, and why to lie.
He flicked his eyes up from his daughter, who was now holding her breath judging by her puffed cheeks, to the… other filly in the room. He recognized her on sight, the descriptions his legal teams gave him on the Treaty of Anarchy being quite explicit, and admittedly it was only his own sense of diplomatic tact that kept him from flinching as… it made eye contact. He could read that guilty look it gave him like a book.
But something far more pressing had caught his attention.
“Friends?” he asked.
Pearl deflated, literally, with an exhale she tried to keep as quiet and ladylike as possible. “Yes, Papa. My friends. Little Cheese, Anarchy, and Shade Bright. All of esteemed pedigree, I assure you!” she added hastily, lest her father doubt the quality of her friends.
Twinkleshine leaned in and gave her a quick, enthusiastic nuzzle, “Oh my sweet! I’m so happy for you! Friends! And here I was worried we’d have another Moondancer or Twilight on our hooves…”
“This party seems to be a good time for burning ears,” a light chuckle drew the Bluebloods’ attention instantly to the towering purple alicorn in the room, who now strode towards them from her recently ended conference with Fluttershy.
Twinkleshine blushed, but didn’t let that stop her from poking a little bit at her old friend, “Well, to be fair, you did drop out of my life for a couple years that one time…”
“Which, gratefully, didn’t last,” Twilight laughed, before leaning down to see Pearl herself, “That must have been some kind of tornado! I’ll have to have a serious talk with Cloudsdale over this.”
Pearl’s panicky voice was, to the adults around her, cuter than anything as she began tapping her hooves and saying, “Oh, um, that won’t be necessary! We… already caught them!”
Twilight hid her mirth well behind a face of false-worry, “Oh my! That must have been an ordeal! You’ll have to write me a whole report on the incident, my student.”
Pearl’s ears slumped, “Oh… yes, of course.”
The Princess returned her gaze to Vladimir, who hadn’t once let his eyes leave his little filly. “Prince Blueblood,” she gently prodded him with her words.
When he didn’t look up, Twinkleshine prodded him with an elbow.
“Oh! Uh, yes, Your Highness?”
“Are you ready for your trip?” said the Princess of Friendship and all of Equestria.
Pearl spun back around to her father. “Papa? You’re… leaving?”
Vladimir looked down again at his own precious Princess. “I… yes, my darling. There’s a diplomatic… issue up north and I’m needed to resolve it.”
“But…” Pearl’s lip quivered, “But, I only just got to see you.”
“I know,” the Prince said, as gently as he could, “But it is my duty to Equestria. You know how important Duty is.”
Though her eyes glistened, the use of that word seemed to settle in Pearl’s bones. She blinked a few times, sniffed once, and returned to being as proper as she could, under the circumstances. She straightened her mane, and she brushed down the front of her coat.
And then, with a bit more of her Canterlot accent than before, she said, “Yes, Papa.”
Prince Blueblood just stared as she tried to prepare herself. He daren’t look towards his wife-in-name. He continued staring for several seconds after Pearl had complied, and accepted the role of Duty in their lives.
Finally, he turned his head back up and towards Princess Twilight.
“Princess,” he said, staring straight back into an annoyed Royal face, “I am afraid something has come up.”
Her ears perked up. “Excuse me?”
Vladimir nodded, “A family emergency. I am afraid I cannot attend the delegation to Yakyakistan at this time.”
“An… an emergency? Papa?” Pearl Rose lifted her ears as well, in case she’d heard incorrectly.
“Well,” he sniffed, “What would you call your mane and coat right now? Aloe and Lotus will need multiple treatments to get you back to Blueblood standard.”
Twinkleshine leaned in, “Aloe and Lotus? But… they operate the spa here in Ponyville.”
Vladimir raised his head, nobly, “Well, we can’t very well expect Pearl to have any time for her friends if she’s stuck in Canterlot at the Glory and the Fountain. At least, not if she’s still attending school in Ponyville.”
Pearl, quite speechless, stared wide-eyed at her father. And then she swiveled her head around to watch the Princess.
Said Princess was smiling, “Of course, Prince Blueblood. Family should always come first.”
She turned her head a little to one side, and in an almost half-whisper said, “Pinkie.”
“Yes?” the pink mare appeared, standing at Vladimir’s side opposite his wife, a large, horned helmet already set onto Pinkie’s head.
“How would you like to take a trip to Yakyakistan? We need somepony to…”
“I’m on it!” Pinkie saluted wildly, “Already emptied my schedule. Oh! And I can bring the Princesses and Grogar along! That should protect the local pastry scene from further harm!”
“Actually…” the Princess’s tone took a serious turn, and she began to lay out a few… changes that would be taking place around the town.
But Pearl heard none of that. She had already leapt forward, giving her father as hard and as happy a hug as she could manage with her little forelegs, her face pressed tight into his chest. And despite his natural aversion to such intimacy in public, not to mention his utter distaste for mud and dirt and grime of any sort…
He only hesitated a moment before returning the embrace. And a little kiss, right atop his little princess’ mane. Because, whatever else Twinkleshine might think of her husband, there was one thing she would always... love about him; a sense of Duty within him that could never be broken.
Family, after all, was his greatest duty…
A few minutes ago…
Fluttershy was always seen as the very embodiment of calm tranquility. She knew that’s how ponies saw her these days. Few outside of her circle of friends really still thought of her as that nervous, anxiety-ridden filly she once was, and even fewer considered her truly ‘shy’ as well. All they saw was a leader of Equestria, gentle in her manners, and soothing with her words.
But right now, listening to Silver Spoon relate all that had happened today in school… everything that involved both her foal and her husband… well, there was only one word for it.
Fluttershy was peeved.
Very peeved.
“Discord,” she stared up at the Draconequus she thought she knew, “How could you?” It hadn’t been said in a tone of anger, or of pain. She’d managed to make it sound so much worse than that.
She was disappointed.
Discord simply hung his head, and flattened his ears and horns onto his head.
“I know,” he said, daring not to look any of the others in the eye, “I screwed up. Again. I just… when I heard what they called her…”
Fluttershy winced. She knew that feeling. She knew it just as well as Discord, if his tales about living with Grogar were to be believed. Fluttershy had grown up a weak-flyer in a world of clouds. She knew precisely what it was liked to be mocked for who she was.
But Discord couldn’t be let off the hook so easily. And while, perhaps later and in private, she would comfort him and Ann, right now, the kindest thing Fluttershy could do was be clear and firm with him.
“But what you did was still wrong,” she said, putting everything she had behind the resolve in her voice she only vaguely felt.
Twilight, however, took up the slack, “I understand what you’re feeling, Discord. But you went to all that trouble with the lawyers and the courts to let Ann in without any real restrictions on her magic, just to blow it all up on the first day?”
He said nothing. He didn’t need to.
Silver Spoon felt like she really, really didn’t belong in the middle of this fight… but for Ann’s sake, she needed to stay. Darn it.
“Well, Ann isn’t completely at fault here,” she offered, diplomatically, “But she does need to learn that her magic is… well, it’s dangerous, and needs to be controlled. She can’t be using it at school. Even in a limited form, it’s too distracting… notwithstanding when it’s unleashed like today.”
“Heh,” Discord laughed, without an ounce of mirth, “If you think that was unleashed, you don’t know my Anarchy very well…”
“Discord.” Fluttershy had almost growled that one, and it seemed to make the Draconequus stop again.
“Agreed,” Twilight sighed, “At least… for a little while.”
Fluttershy finally broke her gaze from Discord to look up at her old friend… questioningly. “What do you mean?”
Twilight briefly glanced down to Fluttershy. Then, she closed her eyes and took a breath before returning her gaze to Discord himself.
“Discord, as the named arbiter of rules violations in your Treaty,” for a moment, an apologetic wince passed through her, and she really did hope he noticed, “I must pass judgement. You are banned from all school grounds and functions until Spring, and Ann will be banned from using any Chaos Magic not directly tied to her own necessary life functions until after Nightmare Night, one month hence.”
While Silver Spoon nodded, happy to have an official ruling at last, Discord and Fluttershy appeared to be… less than thrilled.
“Are you completely insane!?” It was surprising how she could emphasize her words like that at a whisper, but Fluttershy was full of surprises. “You can’t ask Ann to not use any of her magic! It’s a part of her!”
“I couldn’t say it better myself!” Discord added, though he cringed a bit as Fluttershy glanced back towards him. “And if I can’t go to the school or its functions, whatever those are, then who will walk her to school in the morning!”
Before Twilight could retort, the lights in the room began to flicker in time to a strange, rumbling sound. All three ponies, and Draconequus, turned slowly as the sound grew in volume… and in sheer villainy.
For a few feet away, Grogar the Nec-ram-ancer chortled. His black laughter was like the tolling of bells, echoing an ethereal dirge. His eyes, yellow and crimson, stared straight into Discord’s, boring into his soul.
At least, until a wooden spoon struck his horn, and an alabaster alicorn rushed past him, hollering, “Quickly! She’s found us again!” and they both scampered away, just ahead of that pink blur.
Watching the bizarre chase continue for just a moment longer, Twilight turned back to her friends. “I’m sorry. This is how it must be. She can still use her magic to fly…”
“Oh, you know she’s still trying to figure out how to fly like you ‘normal’ ponies,” Discord snarled, making air quotes appear in the air above his head.
“Nevertheless, that is my decision,” Twilight stomped one hoof down, which did not echo with great strength nor dole as a distant bell. Her hoof-fall seemed to create a peel of silence that dampened all sound throughout the castle, as though the structure itself were listening to a judge’s gavel in respect, or awe.
“I’m sorry,” she added.
Fluttershy and Discord each gaped in silent protest at this. But they each knew the fight was over. They didn’t turn to look at one another, but they didn’t need to. They each also knew how this had been their own fault, in one way or another.
Which was precisely when the castle doors had opened, and a small cloud of squealing fillies and colts had come into the party. Ann and Shady had immediately turned and headed towards Ann’s parents, each sporting mane and coat covered on grime and sticking out in every direction at once.
“Hi Mom!” Ann laughed as she ran up to Fluttershy. Then, with just the slightest drop in enthusiasm, she said to Discord, “Hi Dad!”
After a quick hug from Fluttershy, Ann glanced between the two, her senses feeling a dramatic upswing in the amount of Chaos. She also spared a look over towards Silver Spoon, who stood just a bit off to one side.
“Is… is evewything alwight?”
Fluttershy took a breath…
But Discord spoke first, “Everything is fine, Ann. We just have something to talk about… after the party!”
And with a light flourish, Discord snapped a pair of party hats onto Ann and Shady, who giggled appreciatively. Fluttershy gave him a little grateful smile.
“Hey,” a chilled-out voice came from the doorway, “this is a pretty sweet party you got goin’ on, Shy.”
Fluttershy’s eyes widened, and her smile grew brighter, “Is… is that…?”
Discord facepalmed. “Tree Hugger,” he sighed, realizing his earlier pronouncement about things getting worse had been hilariously misplaced, naturally.
A bright green mare with rosy-red and grey dreadlocks, having followed the little ones all this way to the party, sauntered in with a gentle smile and an amused look in her eyes. Tree Hugger and Fluttershy gave each other a friendly hug.
Silver Spoon chose that moment to drift away, as did Princess Twilight, who saw another conversation she needed to get involved in.
“I didn’t know you moved to Ponyville!”
“Like, where do we live if not the world? I go wherever the flow takes me,” Tree Hugger smiled, “But it’s great that the cosmos led me back here to see you, am I right?”
Shady leaned up against his mother’s side, as Ann did with her own. This caused Fluttershy to blink, and then turn a look of recognition towards the little Kirin. “Oh my gosh! Then this is Shade Bright!?”
“You… know Shady?” Ann pressed her head into her mom’s shoulder.
Fluttershy nuzzled her foal, then said, “Tree Hugger and I are close friends. We haven’t gotten a chance to see each other in a while, what with her job taking her all over Equestria, but we still write letters.”
Tree Hugger laughed slowly, but warmly, “It’s great to see you again, Fluttershy. Discord,” she added, nodding towards the Draconequus, currently making little ‘gagging’ motions with his hands.
“Well, what brings you to Ponyville? I thought you were living out in Everfree with Zecora and the commune,” Fluttershy said, a little concern for her friend creeping into her normally calming tone.
Tree Hugger shrugged, “When I had Shady here, I decided that my needs had to come second for a while. Least til he can watch out for himself. He’s crazy smart, mah little dude,” she nuzzled Shady affectionately, though he seemed a tad embarrassed.
“Mom!”
“Not my name, kiddo,” she kept on with the affection for a moment, and then relented, saying, “But I accept you need your space in which to thrive.”
Yet soon enough, the warm and happy atmosphere began to shift. While Fluttershy and Tree Hugger laughed and talked, they and everypony around them had the day’s events playing in the back of their minds. Even Discord began to look guilty for the good time they were having.
But it would never have come up, at least not tonight, had not another set of guests made their appearance known.
A pair of crystal ponies, the mare gold with a rosy mane, the stallion blue with mane of emerald and white, slowly entered the room with a pace normally reserved for those entering the more forbidding elements of the Everfree Forest for the first time. Behind them, angrily pouting, was a very familiar crystal earth pony, at least to Ann and her friends.
“Oh,” Ann sighed, “What’s she doing here?”
Slowly, the party guests congregated around the newcomers, curious as to what precisely this was. Fluttershy, Discord, Twilight, and the kids themselves came to the front to meet with them. The only ones to remain completely apart from the proceedings were the former Princesses and Grogar, who contented themselves with nibbling food under Pinkie’s watchful gaze, and Flurry Heart, Celeste, and Luster Dawn, still watching over the evening from afar.
The mare stepped forward, timidly, “Um… h-hello, everypony. I am Facet Glimmer.”
“And I am Prussian Blue,” her husband swallowed nervously and fluffed his toothbrush mustache with a nervous whinny, but made sure to be by her side.
When nothing else seemed to be forthcoming, Twilight decided to put the poor, scared ponies at ease.
“Nice to meet you, Facet Glimmer. Prussian Blue,” she nodded to both as she recalled their names, and gave them the warmest smile she could muster. “What brings you around her this time of night?”
Prince Blueblood, however, stepped in immediately, a slight look of concern on his features. “Blue! Glimmy! What ever is the matter?”
Pearl, at his side, balked, “Papa! You know Flawless’ parents!?”
“Know them? My dear, Blue and Glimmer are the largest gem exporters from the Crystal Empire! Besides being friends, they’re important business contacts!”
“Your H-Highness!” Blue stuttered, then bowed towards the crowd of ponies gathering around him, “Uh, Your Highnesses, we… we are most a-apologetic!”
“Yes!” his wife, Facet, did likewise, “Flawless didn’t realize who she was dealing with! We swear!”
Flawless, standing behind her parents, continued to glare at Ann… though with a lot less surety. Hearing her parents grovel wouldn’t do any favors to her standing in pony society. Then again, Ann was glaring back, so all should be right with the world.
Enmity was a rock upon which Flawless’ reality could be anchored.
Silver Spoon chose then to speak up, “Uh, I may have stopped by and explained things to Facet and Blue before I got here…”
“She’s not a bad pony!” Facet pleaded, “She’s just…”
“Competitive,” Blue offered.
“That’s right!” Facet nodded, “Competitive! She wouldn’t have… picked on anypony she… um, didn’t think was worthy…?” the end of her speech wound down as she realized what she was saying.
She turned a stink-eye back to her husband, “Competitive?”
His mustache twitched. “It… sounded better in my head…”
“Okay,” Twilight frowned, “I think we all need to take a deep breath, and then explain…”
The two crystal ponies did so. Then, again. And again. Finally, with Flawless rolling her eyes at them, her parents stepped forward once more.
This time, Prussian Blue spoke first, “We understand there were some… difficulties this morning between our little ones. We, my wife and I, just want to let you know that we do not condone Flawless’ behavior.”
Facet added, “No matter who the other foal might be, any sort of bullying is not tolerated in our home. And we hope that her behavior hasn’t… soured any other relations between our family and Equestria.”
Flawless seemed to wince at that, suddenly realizing that perhaps her parents’ fear was… financially justified.
Twilight nodded, understanding dawning, “Well, that’s always good to hear. But I think you should speak with Ann’s parents first. My government doesn’t base its business or trade on something like a schoolyard argument.”
“Or an actual schoolyard argument,” Blueblood allowed himself a smirk, “as the case may be.”
Fluttershy took the cue, and walked up, “You really don’t have to apologize. Today was… a weird day for everypony.”
She glanced meaningfully back at Discord, who couldn’t quite return the eye-contact.
“Moving forward,” she continued, “I’m sure Ann and Flawless could be good friends if they both apologized and decided to start over. Right?”
Ann and Flawless, still glaring, finally noticed how everycreature was looking at them. Blue and Facet reached back and pushed Flawless forward, while Discord’s magic picked Ann up and lowered her down next to the other filly.
The two stared. With all these adults around them… what else could they do?
Flawless held out a hoof, and tried not to sound bored or angry as she said, “Yeah, okay. I’m sorry. Do you want to be friends?”
Ann continued to stare a moment. Her eyes darted between Flawless’ hoof and her face. Then, she raised her own hoof…
And swatted the other filly’s aside.
“No.”
A gasp swept through the creatures that made up the crowd. Facet Glimmer fainted. Pinkie gasped. Even the startled buzzing of Scootaloo and Ocellus’ wings could be heard over the crushing silence that followed.
“W-what!?” Twilight gasped again.
“ANN!” Fluttershy cut through the silence with just how… peeved her voice sounded.
“But Mo-om!”
“But nothing!” the yellow pegasus frowned, “Somepony is trying to be friends with you! Why would you say no?”
“Because she’s mean!” Ann shouted, “She called me a fweak and she was mean to my friends!”
Flawless snarled, “Oh? Really? Who was it that hit me with a cake!?”
Ann whirled back, “You hit Cheese!”
“You bumped into me!”
Both fillies were nose-to-nose, growling like angry dogs. But before anypony could take a swing… or a bite in this case, a wave of magenta light gripped both fillies and dragged them apart. The Princess of Friendship stepped into the space once occupied, and set herself with wings flared. She was not angry, no. She was filled with a sudden resolve.
“It doesn’t matter what happened before!” she pronounced in a tone edging nearly to the same level as the Royal Canterlot Voice. Then, with gentle tones slowly filtering in, Twilight said, “What matters now is moving forward. Right now, you’re so focused on what makes you different, that you’re ignoring what makes you the same! Start there! Start where you have common ground, and then work towards seeing each other’s differences as strengths. Strengths you can share as friends!”
The Princess leaned down low enough for Ann to look into her eyes, “Doesn’t that sound better than just… being angry all the time?”
The room was silent again, every creature there waiting with baited breath… as Ann started to feel the eyes.
She slowly turned from the Princess, only to find her parents staring. She turned away from them… and there were the teachers from the Friendship School, staring at her too! She slowly spun around until she realized she was surrounded by eyes. Eyes. Eyes, the one thing she couldn’t stand at all!
But just as her breathing quickened… she met a single set of eyes. Flawless looked at her, with something that could have been anything from passionate distrust and distaste… to an intense fascination.
Go on, freak. Flip out. Prove I’m right.
Was Flawless… watching her? Judging her?
What are you? How do you work?
No… she was sizing Ann up.
And as Ann stared… she realized that she wasn’t listening to her gut, to some nebulous feeling of instinct.
What are you made of?
Ann almost jumped. Were these Flawless’ thoughts?
Can you hear me?
The two stared for what seemed like an entire minute. And then, slowly, they each began to smile. A smirk, at first, but soon it appeared to all that the fillies were genuinely smiling at one another. Ann and Flawless even reached out at the same moment, and shook hooves!
Finally, the tension flowed out of the room like a deflating balloon. Everypony and creature sighed and laughed, and went back to their cider and their conversations, and all looked to each other to discuss their days’ events…
While Flawless and Ann walked over to the cupcake tables, followed closely by Pearl, Shady, and Cheese.
And only Twilight herself felt a cloying feeling in her stomach as she watched them go. She couldn’t place why, but that had felt too easy…
“So,” said Ann, keeping her voice down so none of the adults could hear, “We’we not fwiends, wight?”
“Of course not!” Flawless kept her smile beaming, despite herself, “This isn’t a détente. We’re just choosing the battleground.”
Shady glanced between the two nervously, “Uh, so we’re not friends?”
“So how do we settle this?” Ann asked, only glancing back to give Shady the briefest of apologetic smiles, “We need wules.”
Flawless nodded as they reached the punch table, and began spooning drinks for her new ‘friends’. She whispered, “Naturally. We can’t involve the grownups. They just don’t get these things.”
Ann nodded, “Agweed. Dad gets too involved…”
“And my Mom and Dad are just insane,” Flawless sipped at her drink, “I mean, come on! Like the Princess of Friendship would really ruin somepony else’s job over this?”
Shady, deciding that being on the ground-level of such an important diplomatic meeting was better than protesting and getting nothing out of it, said, “Well, no pranks in class. That should be a rule!”
When the others gave him a curious look, he continued, “If we pull something in class, Miss Silver Spoon will just tell your folks, and we’ll be back at square one… not that I condone any of this…”
“I really can’t believe this,” Pearl sighed. “I mean… I don’t want to be your friend either, but the fact that we’re settling on rules!”
“No magic either,” Flawless pointed a hoof at Ann again, “Unless it’s to do something like grab stuff, since I’m not going to tell Beauregard he can’t use his horn.”
“Guys?” Cheese squirmed a little at this naked hostility, “C-can’t we just be friends…?”
“So,” said Ann, still absorbed by the discussion, “How do we do this if we can’t pwank?”
Flawless tapped her chin with one hoof, “I suppose we need… a game… maybe Buckball?”
Pearl snapped to attention, “Buckball!?”
“Oh, right,” Cheese sighed, “You liked that game.”
“When? Do we play, that is to say?” Pearl stepped in between Ann and Flawless, “While their parents are legends of the sport, it will still take time to whip these girls into fighting shape.”
Cheese and Ann scowled, “Hey!”
“Friday,” said Flawless, a smirk returning to her lips, “After school, we can use the Buckball court.”
Pearl’s eyes flashed, “Excellent! We shall play the Sport of Princesses on Friday! And be warned, Flawless Gem,” a nasty grin came over the literal princess, “I was the top-player in Moondancer’s Kindergarten for Gifted Unicorns’ team.”
The crystal pony nodded. “Understood. Too bad though,” she flexed one of her hind legs… and the other foals heard the pop of a well-used muscle coming to life, “I was the Crystal Empire’s MVP for the Junior-Junior Buckball Division… two years running. See you girls on the court!”
Ann, Cheese, Pearl, and Shady watched her saunter off to enjoy the pastries on display, before the ram or the princesses could eat them all. They exchanged a wealth of worried looks, each one starting to realize just… just how badly they may have misjudged this whole mess…
While almost everycreature had gone back to drinking and talking and laughing with their fellows, three rather nosy mares had kept to just the right distance where they could hear everything that had been said, without looking like it.
“So… it’s gonna be like that, is it?” Scootaloo sighed.
Sweetie Belle nodded, “It looks that way. Déjà vu.”
“Gesundheit,” Applebloom said, then added, “There’s gotta be something we can do…”
Silver Spoon sighed, “Probably not.”
Three grown mares jumped like they were fillies.
“How tha… where’d you come from!?”
“I’m a teacher,” she smirked, “Sneaking up on students who aren’t doing what they’re supposed to be doing is a trained skill. As you should all know.”
“Point made,” Sweetie Belle nervously chuckled.
Scootaloo’s ears flattened onto her head, “We… we didn’t mean to butt in or anything…”
“Yes, you did,” Silver Spoon adjusted her glasses, “And I’d welcome it.”
“You… would?” Applebloom raised an eyebrow.
Silver Spoon shuffled her hooves. “Look, we seem to be the only ones here who remember how these things work. Let’s not pretend that… well, Diamond Tiara and I weren’t the nicest fillies…”
“Yeah, but…” Applebloom started.
But Silver Spoon would be heard, “No, don’t try and sugarcoat it. It’s plain as day what those foals are thinking of doing. And I can’t have that sort of thing escalating. Not when one of the ponies involved could turn everycreature into cheese wheels, or send us all to an alternate dimension if she loses control!”
She laid a hoof onto Scootaloo’s shoulder. “If you girls can think of anything that could help, please, don’t hesitate. I mean… you’re still the Cutie Mark Crusaders, right? You can do anything!”
All three mares stood, silent. Their eyes widened; their jaws dropped. And one by one…
“What did ya’ll say?”
“I… what? I called you…”
“Cutie Mark…”
“… Crusaders!”
All three clapped their hooves together and grinned from ear to ear.
Applebloom hugged Silver Spoon first, “What a great idea!”
“W-what is?”
“How do you keep something dangerous in line?” Scootaloo laughed.
Sweetie Belle hopped up and down, “You give it something to focus on!”
Silver Spoon’s face snapped from a confused stare… to the same insane grin her friends now wore. “And what’s more dangerous than a couple of kids with too much energy and not enough focus…?”
All four leaned in together, with Applebloom finishing their thoughts. “The Ponyville chapter of the CMC has been far too quiet the past few years! We need fresh blood! New members!”
And so was an idea reborn that night. Even though it would take a day or two to nail down the specifics, there was a fire started that night. A fire that would hopefully ignite the hearts of colts and fillies standing in this very castle.
Luster Dawn and Celeste had remained by the side doorway throughout the entire exchange between Flawless’ parents and Fluttershy, the two unicorns standing beside the Crystal Princess herself, Flurry Heart. They’d seen the whole ordeal from beginning to end from when Flawless’ parents came in to when Ann and she shook hooves, and were thoroughly heartwarmed.
“Fillies are so cute when they’re that age,” Luster sighed.
“Yeah,” her former foalsitter agreed, “Well, except you.”
“Celeste!”
“I’m just saying, if somepony could make an ugly baby, it would be Uncle Sunburst and Auntie Starlight!”
“Well,” Luster smirked, “Your dad’s like, eighty-percent beard. How do you get rid of your chinhairs? They must be awful…”
The two giggled like a couple of fillies themselves, the bond of foal and foalsitter not being one to easily…
Flurry’s head settled down in between Luster and Celeste, startling both unicorns suddenly.
“Who is that!?” she pointed towards the party with one wingtip.
Luster eyed the… slightly sweating, definitely panicking alicorn Princess… and then looked to where she was pointing. If she lined it up right, Flurry was pointing right at…
“The filly or the colt?”
Flurry’s eye twitched, “One’s a colt?”
Celeste nodded, “Ah, you’re pointing at Little Cheese and Anarchy. The two yellow ones, I presume?”
Flurry whispered, “Cheese is a colt? He’s… so adorable!”
Luster glanced over towards Celeste… who now wore a frown almost as worried as Flurry’s manic gaze did. “Um… what’s the problem with…”
She didn’t get to say anything else. There was a pop, and a flash of golden light. Within an instant, Luster felt the floor shift under her. It was still crystal, before and after, but the lighting had all changed. In fact…
“Why are we in my room?” she asked… and then gaped as she watched Celeste conjure a set of glowing green manacles, with which she snapped onto Flurry Heart’s hooves.
“Well, it was nearby,” Flurry said without a hint of worry or concern, “And if Aunt Trixie is napping, I wouldn’t want to wake her right now by teleporting into her room.”
“Really,” Celeste nodded vigorously, “Mom is a beast if she doesn’t get the same sleep cycle as a cat.”
“Guys?” she asked again, about ready to back out of the room.
Celeste waved her down with one hoof, “Hang on a second. Gotta follow procedure.” And with that, she shackled the Crystal Princess to the wall, narrowly avoiding Luster’s bookshelf and her novelty lamp in the shape of Princess Twilight. The magical chains seemed to hold onto the crystal walls like they were magnetized to one another.
“Thank you, Celeste,” Flurry sighed, contentedly. “Sorry you had to see that, Luster.”
“What…?” Luster felt a headache coming on, “What was that!?”
The two older mares stared at one another for a moment, silently measuring which response was warranted under these circumstances.
Finally, Flurry nodded towards Luster with her horn, and asked, “Luster? Dear? How would you describe Aunt Twilight in… say, one word?”
Luster fidgeted. “Um… one word? Why… there’s so many!”
She began pacing across the floor of her room, “I could say she’s kind, and wise, and… and generous! She’s loyal and brave and…”
“Kid, Kid!” Celeste stomped her hoof on the crystal floor, halting Luster in her babbling, “We’re not grading you or anything. Just… one word.”
Luster scrunched her face up, seemingly deciding whether or not this was a secret test… before she finally sighed and said, “I… I guess if I were to say one word to describe my… my wonderful teacher… it would be…” she winced, and whispered, “Obsessive?”
“Bingo!” Flurry Heart chortled, “And she got it in one!”
Celeste lit her horn again, and the magical chains shortened, pulling the Princess closer to the wall. “Yeah, ‘Obsessive’ is a good one.”
Flurry noted Luster’s continued confusion, and tried to explain. “See, we Princesses all have our own… Domain, let’s call it. Celestia and Luna have the Sun and the Moon, obviously. And my Aunt has Friendship,” she frowned, “Also, Magic… so that’s kind of a hack…”
Celeste kept the flow going, “Anyway, Flurry and her Mother are from a long line of Princesses who ruled over the Crystal Empire. And they all share the same Domain; Love.”
“That makes sense,” said Luster, her initial fears and concerns bulldozed by a fascinating bit of new lore, and potentially new magic dangling in front of her, “But what…?”
“I’m getting there,” Flurry smiled… despite being chained up to a wall. “I have a natural attunement to the concept and bonds of Love. So, I can see the nature of emotions and relationships between ponies. It’s what allows my mother to be such an amazing diplomat and counselor. We can literally see into anycreature’s heart.”
Luster Dawn’s eyes shimmered, “That’s… so cool!”
Celeste rolled her eyes, “Yeah, it would be… under different circumstances.”
“What do you mean?”
Flurry blushed. “Well… that ‘Obsessiveness’? It’s not just something my Aunt has.”
Luster felt like she should be taking notes, “It’s not?”
Celeste smirked, “Nope! That obsessive compulsiveness is the defining Sparkle family trait. And Flurry here’s got it baaaad.”
“Yeah,” Flurry frowned, “Thanks, Celly.”
“It’s what I do.”
Luster coughed once, “Um? So…?”
Flurry shook her mane out, and sighed, “I… I’m a…”
“Come on, out with it,” Celeste hopped up on Luster’s bed, “Can’t be here all night.”
Flurry Heart hated what she had to say… because of how true it was.
So, she whispered.
“I’m a shipper.”
“What?” said Luster, perking an ear up.
“I’m… a shipper…”
“Do I need to cast a Royal Canterlot Voice Stimulator Spell? Just tell the filly…!”
“I’m a shipper!” Flurry cried out. “I’m a monster!”
Celeste chuckled and rolled about on the bedsheets. Luster was… suitably confused.
“A what?”
But it was flowing now, and Flurry could not stop, “I… my magic shows me the hearts and feelings of others. So, when I see connections, I know if ponies or creatures are compatible with each other… but those darn Sparkle genetics take over and I can’t stop!”
“Can’t stop what?”
“When I see two creatures together who… who might be a cute couple,” she sighed and hung her head as low as she could, “I can’t help it. I have to get them together! It’s like a disease, I can’t help it!
“I had to extend the interior dimensions of my castle just to have more space to diagram all the relationships I’m keeping track of!”
“Okay,” Luster sat down on the floor, “That’s… okay, that’s not great, but then why…?”
Celeste beamed, “Go on! Tell us!”
Flurry glared at her foalhood friend. “Those two fillies…”
“Cheese is a colt,” Celeste interrupted.
“Those two foals,” Flurry snorted, “are super-cute. And… they’d be even cuter together.”
“Your Highness,” Luster frowned, “One of them is, like, ten. The other’s only a month old.”
“It’s not like I want them to get married now!” the Princess rolled her own eyes, “I just… I just want to make sure that, years from now, I get to officiate their wedding. And then I get to watch over their little one, and theirs, and theirs, making sure that everypony in my Empire pairs off with somepony who fits them perfectly! I just want good matches!”
She sighed, “At least Fizzlepop and Flash Sentry aren’t here. As well as that all turned out, I still hate letting them see me this way…”
Luster stared. “Wow… you do have it bad.”
“My Dad obsesses over his comic books and wargames,” Flurry said, catching her breath, “My Aunt obsesses over… well, everything. Grampa Night Light has a thing for spreadsheets, and Nana Velvet is a mystery writer known for never once creating a plothole. I was doomed before I was even born!”
“Okay,” Luster glanced back to the chains, “So, how long are you going to be chained up to my wall?”
Celeste rolled onto her back and looked to be getting herself comfortable. “Oh, this is just the initial phase as her shipping senses lock onto a new target. Give it a few hours, and she’ll be able to control it again.”
Luster nodded along, largely satisfied with that answer. Though… one more yet remained.
“So, if you’re going to be shackled to my wall for a few hours… how is Spike supposed to get you your pizza and hayburger?”
Suddenly recalling their dinner plans, Flurry Heart’s eyes snapped wide open. Her voice was low, and hushed, “Celeste, get me out of here.”
Celeste snored, in response.
Flurry Heart turned her gaze back towards Luster. “Twilight didn’t… happen to teach you any of the Marquis de Stable’s Lock-spells?”
Luster was already walking out the door.
“Luster? Where are you going?”
The pink and orange unicorn didn’t slow down, “Going to get the Princess. Waiting until something silly happens before we all learn a lesson is just… silly.”
“Celeste,” the Princess hissed, “You let me out of this right now!”
Celeste yawned, “Or what? You didn’t set my folks up, a Table did, so you ain’t got leverage here, sister.”
Flurry Heart hung her head again.
“… It’s just like last Hearth’s Warming all over again…”
5 - The Beautiful Game Part 1 - Your Father Would Be Proud...
“You know, I could do your ‘do up real nice, Anny. All you gotta say is ‘hit me up with that do, Uncle Z!”
Ann wrinkled her nose, “Why do you keep saying ‘do’, Uncle Z?”
Zephyr Breeze, Fluttershy’s neigh’r-do-well little brother and Ann’s uncle, laughed at his niece’s question.
“You are so cute when you’re acting dumb, kiddo,” he said as they walked beneath the orange and red-leaf trees together. “It means hairdo. Why, I remember explaining the same thing to that Rainbow Dash,” he whispered conspiratorially, “She had a thing for me back then. Anyway…!”
“Oh,” Ann nodded, not entirely sure what he was talking about. That was kinda neat though. Understanding everything was boring. And hanging around Uncle Z was like a little drip-feed of Chaos, considering how slippery his brain was. Ann could hardly get a bead on him, even when she tried.
And she’d been trying for two days, ever since she figured out how to read Flawless Gem’s mind back at the party…
W-what’s going on? Flawless had slightly panicked in her own headspace.
Ann spoke quickly, so quickly that the conversation she was having right then would happen too quickly for anycreature to notice, saying, It’s Ann, I’m just reading your mind. Don’t panic.
YOU’RE READING MY WHAT!?
Shhh! Ann shushed, Do you want our folks to notice?
Flawless’ muscles hadn’t had time to twitch. She wasn’t necessarily afraid at the moment, just unused to time stopping and somepony else’s thoughts running through her brain. But, Ann would give her credit, for a normal pony she was taking it well.
What’s this all about? I thought we were supposed to “make up” and “be friends”?
Ann frowned in their little mental space, Do you really want to be friends?
With a freak like you? Flawless scoffed, Never.
So, Ann sighed, mentally, Do you want our parents to fight over us not being friends?
Flawless thought for a moment, though that moment technically lasted less than a fraction of a second. Your lisp is gone.
Well!?
Yeah, alright, Flawless mentally nodded, So how do we ditch the grownups?
Follow my lead…
And just like that, the Cold War had begun. Nopony had noticed, not even Ann’s parents. Only her grampa, Grogar, seemed to notice anything was out of the ordinary, but Ann was sure he didn’t know anything for sure.
Which… was exactly how Discord had described Zephyr Breeze, actually. With Discord banned from school grounds, Ann’s parents had opted to pull Fluttershy’s brother in for Uncle duties, despite his Manestyling business doing so well.
Duties which included walking Ann to school.
“So? What’ll it be, Anny?”
Ann raised an eyebrow, “What?”
“What sort of style are we looking at?” he smiled and held up a comb and scissors with his wings. “I’m thinking a punk flair up front with a little poof in the back.”
Ann gaped. Nothing about that made sense. It was times like this, actually, when she wished she could see the fourth wall so she could ask someone in the audience about it. At least, that’s how her dad explained it once.
Come to think of it, sometimes it’d be nice to have an explanation for him as well.
Uncle Z hadn’t raised his hopeful gaze away from her.
“Alwight,” said Ann, “Let’s go a little cwazy…”
“Cheese! Little Cheese!” a voice cried out, “Son! Are ya alright!?”
Little Cheese slowly lifted himself up off the ground where he’d fallen, after a series of spasms, kicks, and twitches had tossed the colt around and around. That was probably the most powerful thing he’d ever felt before, and it left him almost nauseous.
His dad’s panicked screams did his head little favor.
“Uh, yeah. I’m alright…” Lil Cheese tried to shake the fog from his mind.
Big Cheese, the other party planner pony personally in the present vicinity of the populated precincts of Ponyville, sighed in relief, “Hoo boy! I would not want to have to explain something like this to your mom when she gets back from Yakyakistan… what happened there, scout?”
At his father’s words… something within Lil Cheese snapped, and a flood of instincts came roaring into his mind… with a dire warning.
“Ann!!!” he cried out, leaping up almost as high as his dad’s eye-level, “Something’s happened to Ann!”
“Oh no!” Big Cheese snatched his son out of the air and hugged him close, “Your little Ponequus friend? Discord’s little girl? What happened!?”
“I don’t know!” Cheese leapt to the ground, and set his face with a determination unmatched in another so young. “But we need help!”
Big Cheese nodded. “I’ll get the Element Bearers and your mother!”
“Good job, Dad!” Lil Cheese turned back towards the school, “I’ll see if I can help in the meantime. Boneless?”
The rubber chicken leaned out of Lil Cheese’s mane with a squeak of respect.
“Find the Pillars. They’ll know what to do!” he said, biting down on the chicken’s neck and giving him a helping swing up, out, and over the treetops.
Father and Son hoofbumped, and then charged off towards their goals. For Equestria. For Ann!
An hour later, Flawless Gem leaned back in her seat in Miss Silver Spoon’s classroom, and basked in the glorious sight which she beheld. She even put both her hind legs up on the desk, just to relax even more.
“How are you doing that?” her changeling friend Dib asked.
“It’s all the rage back in the Crystal Empire,” Flawless said, crossing her forelegs behind her head for support. “It’s like how humans sit in the Mirror World.”
The unicorn colt on Flawless’ other side gulped, and hesitantly said, “I h-heard that humans… eat ponies over there…”
“Hush, Beauregard,” Flawless held one hoof up for silence, “I want to enjoy this…”
The whole class was enjoying the show. There was a yak-sized hole in the wall where the front door should have been, and a veritable who’s-who of the pony world was standing there, the last rays of a rapidly fading charged-rainbow-blast vanishing as soon as the reason for their summons had become apparent. Everycreature there recognized Princess Twilight and her friends.
For some reason, though Flawless had a good guess as to the cause, Fluttershy, renowned the world over for her kindness and soft-spoken nature… was shrieking like a batpony champion yodeler at a tall, lanky green pegasus and buzzing around his head in tight circles.
She looks peeved, Flawless thought, laughing inside her own head.
And the cause of this sudden disturbance was obvious, as Ann stood, kicking at the floor and avoiding eye contact with anycreature, her mane…
Eugh.
Flawless made sure to mentally scour her brain of the image. That manecut might… might work in a theoretical sense… somewhere… if you added a few dimensions to the space-time continuum… but Miss Silver Spoon had already retched and passed out at the sight of it, and one of the older colts from next door who’d gotten too close had collapsed into a fetal position, and was still crying in the corner, where his aunt Applejack was trying to coax the poor kid back to sanity.
Poor Big Sugar, Flawless thought, even an Apple like him doesn’t deserve that.
That manecut defied definition. Its mere presence seemed to cause madness in everycreature’s mind when they stared at it. It couldn’t exist in three-dimensional space… not really, yet here it was with all its alien dimensions and eldritch horror.
Still, watching Ann squirm while her… uncle(?) crouched down in submission to her wrathful mom was a ‘hoot’ as these bumpkins called it. Oddly, Cheese and his folks were all fine with the proceedings, collapsing on top of each other in fits of laughter the entire time. Pinkie Pie still wore that horned yak-helmet from the night before… and a full foot of snow on top of her coat, but she just seemed happy like nothing else in the world.
Kept yelling something about Lil Cheese ‘having the Pie sense!!!’, whatever that meant.
With the teacher out of commission, Ann and her friends had all day to practice… at least once she’d used a little Chaos magic to regrow her mane… that most noble of sports. They’d promised, Ann, Cheese, Shady, and Pearl, that they would defeat Flawless Gem and her friends at the game of Buckball.
And by Twilight, they were going to do it! The Cutie Mark Crusaders would never give up!
“No, Ann,” Pearl sighed, “Use your hooves, tail, or wings. Your face can only take so much more punishment, my dear…”
“I can do it!” Ann snarled, “Cheese just keeps thwowing it too hawd!”
“I keep… your face is glued to the ground! How is that my fault!?”
Pearl rubbed her throbbing temple with a hoof, “We’ve been doing this for an hour already. And I am of course referring to the fighting and arguing! Now let’s try this again, ladies!”
Shady… just shook his head. He’d been watching their practice for the better part of an hour, from when Apple Bloom had shown up to officially induct them all into Ponyville’s most famous foal’s club, to the… golly, fifteenth time Ann took a buckball to the face and ate some dirt.
“Have… Miss Apple Bloom? Have you ever seen…?”
The mare shook her head, slowly, sadly. “Eenope. Never seen a worse team of Buckball, and I once saw Sunburst, Trixie, and Twilight try to form a team.”
Shady paused, not sure who some of those were. “How…”
“I still have a scar from the explosion,” Apple Bloom scowled, and seemed completely uninterested in continuing.
Meanwhile, Ann was set up for another attempt at blocking the ball. She… hadn’t yet mastered flying, exactly. She could flap her wings alright. She could move air. It was everything else that seemed to be eluding her at the moment, was all.
Cheese gave the buckball a few experimental bounces. By contrast, he seemed quite at ease around the ball, and moved it back and forth like it was an extension of himself. With a savage whip of his tail, he lightly tossed the ball up and into the air, right where he’d normally shoot it during a game.
Ann leaped for the ball, wings ripping at the air like it owed Ann bits. It was a nearly flawless dive-jump. Nearly. In that, when something isn’t flawless, it is flawed. Her back hooves tangled on one another, twisted Ann up during the jump, and sent her face-first into the ball’s trajectory with a rubbery whomp.
A moment after she hit the ground, Ann felt a second whomp as the ball landed directly on top of her head.
“Ow,” she said, without enthusiasm.
“Just use your stupid magic already!” Pearl Rose shouted, “Some of us would love to be able to fly with magic!”
“No magic!” Ann stood up too quickly and nearly toppled over again, losing her hoofing. “I have to be able to beat Flawless without it! I will learn how to fly!”
“This is ridiculous,” Cheese lay down in the dirt, “She’s gonna smash us.”
Pearl hadn’t heard him. “You… you think magic is stupid or something!?”
“No!” Ann’s eyes flashed, “I think you’re…!”
At which point a larger, older mare stepped in.
“Alright my little ponies!” Apple Bloom physically separated the two squabbling foals, “I think ya’ll need a break! Take five!”
While Apple Bloom went to retrieve some apple juice she’d brought along for the new CMC’s practice, and Shady wandered off… for some reason he hadn’t quite explained, Ann, Cheese, and Pearl sat under the shade of a nearby tree. Fall or no, they’d worked up a sweat that morning, and a lie-down seemed to be the thing to cool them off.
Their tempers needed to cool as well.
“Pearl…?”
“Yeah?”
“… I’m sowwy,” Ann sighed.
“Me too,” Pearl set her head down onto her front hooves as she lay in the grass. “I just… I just can’t stand that Flawless!” she snarled.
“This wouldn’t have happened,” Cheese said with an ‘I told you so’ sort of voice, “if you two just tried to be friends with her.”
Ann and Pearl snorted at once, but did not further dignify that nonsensical statement. Partly for Ann, it was that she felt quite tired. Which was odd, she thought, since she’d been far more active before and never felt this… winded? Was that a word?
Within a few minutes, Apple Bloom had returned with a small cart full of apple juice. She was pleased to see the three foals finally calmed down and talking to one another like friends, and so while they sucked away at the juice, she began to regale them with a story of the original Cutie Mark Crusaders’ exploits.
“… and from then on, my friends and I swore to help everypony we came across to find their special purpose, or rediscover it, if’n they’d lost sight,” she finished the tale of how she and her two best friends gained their Cutie Marks together.
“That story was amazing!” Pearl beamed, then threw a look back to her own blank flank, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful to get my Cutie Mark at the same time as my friends?”
Cheese laughed, then shook his own flank in the air, proudly displaying the cheese-pie symbol there, “A little late for me, sorry! But if you and Ann or Shady get them together, I’ll ask my Mom to throw the cute-ceanera!”
Ann, however, scrunched up her nose, and asked, “Do… do only ponies get Cutie Marks?”
At that, Apple Bloom, who had been previously caught in the glow of a nostalgic memory, blinked. “Uh… um, yeah, I suppose so… but!” she closed her eyes and tried to look authoritative, “Actual Cutie Marks aren’t everything! They’re just… an outward sign that ponies have found their special talent. Why, look at Gabby!”
“Gabby?”
Apple Bloom nodded, “Ole Gabby’s a griffon that runs the local postal service between here an’ Griffonstone. And when she showed up one day to get her own Cutie Mark, we gave her a badge that was like a Cutie Mark.
“See,” she elaborated, “Gabby had already found her talent. She jes’ hadn’t realized it because non-ponies don’t get the mark itself. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t a Crusader in spirit!”
“Oh…” Ann glanced away, towards her own flank, “So… if it doesn’t show up, then I’m not a pony?”
Granny, Apple Bloom silently thought to herself, if you can hear me, wherever y’are, I suddenly feel right awful about what I put you through before I got my cutie mark…
But before she could say anything out loud, a familiar voice rang out over the school grounds, “Hey! Aren’t we practicing!?”
Shady galloped back towards his friends, with some new faces in tow. Well, new to the group of friends, as each were still classmates Ann and company had seen in class, if not interacted with much yet.
The first was a griffon, whose feathers were brilliant white with gold-trim, and whose head resembled an owl’s. Her feathers were so thickly-laid and fluffy that she looked like an inside-out pillow with wings, and even her talons were almost invisible hidden in all the fluff.
The other newest companion was, somehow more oddly, a Batpony. His coat was a deep, dark blue, and his short, swept mane was a series of black and white stripes. Perhaps unsurprisingly considering the time of day, he wore a pair of large, round sunglasses.
“Whewe’d you wun off to, Shady? Ann asked, trotting up to meet all three as they neared and slowed, “And… who awe they?”
Shady took a breath, and then held out one hoof, “Ann, Cheese, Pearl? I’d like you to meet some of my other friends!”
He indicated the griffon, who sat back on her haunches… only to nearly tower over all except Apple Bloom herself. “This is Goldie. Her parents run the Griffon Charity, and she’s really good at counting.”
Goldie waved with one claw, then seemed to note her height difference and tried to shrink down into herself. “H-hey guys… Um… how’s it going? Or is that too personal?”
Ann wasn’t sure, for a moment, if Goldie or her Mom had the softer voice. Then again, even Shady’s voice was sounding a little wonky, fading in and out…
“Oh, I know Goldie!” Cheese waved back, “My Mom and Dad go to you for money-stuff.”
Goldie tapped her claws together, “I… I just like helping ponies with their taxes… it’s fun…” she said in increasingly quiet tones.
“And this,” Shady pointed to the Batpony, “is Moon Wane. He’s like, Batpony royalty or something.”
Moon sighed, “I am not royalty. We don’t do that. My folks were just… very wealthy.”
“Were?” Ann barely had the word out before she could feel her tongue recoil in her mouth, and hear a few sharp gasps behind her. At least, she thought they were behind her.
She didn’t want to turn around. She could feel Pearl and Cheese’s eyes on the back of her head.
Eyes, she thought, stomach churning. Why’d it have to be eyes?
Moon flinched, though only at the gasps, “Y-yeah…”
Apple Bloom started apologizing at the same time as Ann, and both ponies talked right over each other. Moon didn’t seem to react to any of it… except that his ears opened wide and began swiveling towards them, one ear each.
“I’m so sowwy Moon, I didn’t mean…”
“… Ann is new to these things. She don’t mean no harm…”
He held up one hoof, and let both quiet down before he said, “It’s okay, really. Shady told me about you, Ann. I understand.”
“He… he did?” Ann lowered her head a little, awaiting judgement.
Moon allowed himself a tiny, toothy smile, fangs and all. “Nice things. He said nice things. He also said you needed help with beating Flawless this Friday?”
Shady stepped back into the conversation, “I figured you’ve all tried playing parts of buckball… but have any of you actually played a game? Together?”
Pearl scoffed and raised her nose… but held her tongue for a long second before saying, “You might have a point. Besides a few matches in Magic Kindergarten, I usually just practice the basics with Papa’s trainers.”
She kicked the dirt at her hooves, “I guess that’s more exercise than playing…”
But Shady just lifted up a Buckball bucket with his magic, and said, “Well then, we’ll play you! What do you guys say?”
Cheese and Pearl exchanged nods, and Ann smiled at Moon and Goldie.
New friends!More friends!
“That sounds like a gweat idea!” she laughed, then said back over her withers towards Cheese and Pearl, “Come on! Let’s give it anothew…”
She took one step.
Ann’s face hit the dirt, the rest of her following. For a moment, all she could feel was the ache in her muzzle, all she could hear was the pounding of her heart in her ears.
For some reason, she could hear somecreatures yelling ‘ham, ham!’ Or, was it ‘and, and!’
No… it was definitely ‘Ann’.
Apple Bloom was on her instantly, prying open one of her eyes. Which helped, as Ann couldn’t quite open it on her own.
“I’m okay,” she said, though she wasn’t sure if anycreature heard it. Sounds weren’t working right.
“Ann!?” Cheese leaned in, tears in his eyes… his huge, beautiful eyes…
“Hey Cheese, just give me a minute… I can’t feel my legs.”
She held up her forehoof, just to show him. And then, she stared at it. There was something strange about it.
She could see through it.
“Well that can’t be good…”
“My butler knows medicine!” Moon ran up to them, wings agitating at his side, “W-would that help?”
Goldie was already bolting, talons shredding the earth as she went by. “I’ll get help!” she called back over her shoulder, already vanishing through the treeline towards town.
“Ann!” Pearl cried, “Ann! Please talk to us! What’s going on!?”
The Ponequus lifted up her head, and immediately regretted that decision as a throbbing pain ripped past behind her eyes. It was a strange sort of pain. It was almost… clarifying in its dimensions. Ann felt like she was fading away in some ways, and becoming more real in others.
But Ponequus aren’t real, a voice said. It slithered into her brain, quite rudely, and nestled in amongst her thoughts, which were now swimming along with the sky above her…
I know.
So, what might that mean for you?
I… I’m real…
But are you?
“Stay with us!”
Oh, another voice.
“Her tail’s disappearin’!”
That didn’t sound promising. Ann was sure she should be more worried about that… but she just couldn’t muster up the strength… she was falling.
But, just as her eyes began to fail… her ears perked up one more time, as another voice, half-heard, cried out.
“… back…! And… help!”
There was a horrifying feeling Anarchy could never shake, and it was always when she was dreaming. It didn’t help that Princess Luna occasionally showed up in her dreams to dance, or play games, or just talk about things… that same, awful feeling would always come back.
It was the same feeling a fish gets when the net pulls them up.
Ann was pulled, pulled by a net of steel up from the depths of her dreams, the one place where her Chaos worked exactly like she wanted it to, and where she and her friends didn’t have to go to school or bother with Flawless, and where Ann could fly with her wings alone.
Into the light of reality.
But unlike normally, Ann felt… warm. Her blanket was a lot fuzzier than normal. Or was that shag? It also smelled funny, like old cider and smoke. She blinked a few times, and noted that her blanket back home was a sort of shifting plaid pattern that never stopped writhing, whereas she appeared to be nestled into something far more… blue.
Also unlike her blanket, whatever she was wrapped up in, it was hard… and breathing. She wriggled, just a little, to figure out where she was.
Oh, good. Her hooves were back. Excellent.
A deep, rumbling sigh swept around Ann as she squirmed. It felt like the earth itself was humming, and it vibrated all along Ann’s snout to her tail so pleasantly that she paused in her struggle for freedom, just to let it roll over her.
And then, the rumble became a voice.
“Ah, you awaken.”
Ann’s ears perked, and she twisted her head around to see where above her that voice came from.
“Gwampa?”
Grogar, Father of Monsters, held his grandfoal tight against his chest, tucked under his chin and above his powerful forelegs. He lay with her beneath a shady tree mere yards from the schoolhouse. A late afternoon sun turned the land around them into a gold and purple twilight.
“Whew awe my fwiends?”
Grogar, eyes still closed, merely tilted his head to one side, indicating the next tree over. There, her friends… Goldie, Moon, Shady, Cheese, Pearl… and even her parents lay or paced about, worry fraught upon their faces.
But as Ann drew in a breath to call out, she felt her grandfather’s magic clamp down on her muzzle.
“Hold,” he spoke softly, but with authority and menace, “They don’t know that you are returned to the waking world… and for the moment, I should like to continue that illusion.”
Ann frowned. Why?
Grogar shifted slightly. “Mental projection? My, my. You have come far indeed, little one.”
His magic let up, just a little, but Ann did not shout as she’d initially planned.
“What’s going on? Why don’t you want my fwiends to know?”
“Because,” the Ram of Darkness spoke slowly, “I wish to know something first, before all others.”
A single, terrible eye opened, and cast its baleful gaze down upon Anarchy.
“What happened today?”
Ann shifted herself. She didn’t like eyes. Didn’t like how they kept watching her, judging her… but there was something different about Grampa Grogar’s eye. Sure, it pierced all things; cloud, shadow, earth and flesh… and Ann could definitely feel its dark magic weighing down her soul…
But it didn’t judge. It simply wanted to know.
“I…” she wondered what he could see, “I was playing buckball. Well, we wewe leawning to play it…”
“Why?” Grogar’s voice felt like a sliding tomb door.
Ann sighed, “We… we wanted to be bettew than Flawless Gem and her fwiends…”
Grogar kept staring. He hardly moved, merely inviting his grandfoal to continue.
“We’we not fwiends,” she explained, “But we didn’t want to involve the gwown-ups anymowe, since you all take this stuff too sewiously. So we decided to play her and hew fwiends at buckball… to pwove she wasn’t bettew than us.”
“You haven’t been using your magic,” Grogar finally blinked, “Why?”
“… it’s stupid…”
“Chaos? Magic?”
Ann looked away, “The weason… I… I wanted to pwove I didn’t need it to beat her.”
Burning shame welled up in Ann’s cheeks as she heard her grampa say, “But Chaos is a part of you. To not indulge in its majesty is to deny yourself. You realize this?”
“Yeah.”
His voice grew somehow lower in register, “By not using Chaos, you began to fade away.”
“I know.”
“You were almost lost, save by my own magic,” he whispered, “You were so reckless. You could have been lost to us. To me…”
Ann turned back to her grandfather. There were no tears. There could never be tears. But just behind the ancient evil, behind all the austere dignity that came with millennia of villainy and malice…
She couldn’t read his mind… not really. His was a primordial spirit, unreadable, ineffable. But, for a singular moment…
He spoke, still quietly, “For all my hatred of the ponies and their friendship… their happiness and their laughter… I have lived with my hate for eons.
“But,” he sighed, and his gaze softened, “there is something terrible about seeing that hatred in one so young. Every grandfather wishes their grandfoals a better life than the one they lived…”
He grew silent again, his baleful eye staring at something Ann couldn’t see, far off in the distance. Perhaps in another time, and another place entirely.
Grogar’s gaze fell back to her. “So. Flawless Gem?”
“Y-yes?”
“Do you still wish to defeat her?”
“… yes.”
“Good. Crush the wretch and bake her bones into bread.”
“No.”
Grogar nodded, “Very well. Can’t blame an old ram for trying.”
Ann tilted her head sideways. “You… saved me? Why wewe you…?”
“Ah,” Grogar smiled, “Since that buffoon’s banishment, I was elected to bring you to and from the school, and to accompany you on field trips, if such would occur.”
“You shouldn’t call my dad a buffoon…”
Grogar guffawed, somehow quietly. “I was speaking of Zephyr Breeze, but the fact that your tender mind already assumed Discord was a fool warms my heart to no end… She awakens!” he bellowed to the others.
Ann would spend the next few minutes alternating between apologizing to her friends for scaring them like she did, and hugging them all closely, because in the grand scheme of things, her friends were happier to see her safe than they were anything else.
But the next few hours would be spent convincing her parents not to ground her forever.
“I just… Buckball!?” Discord’s voice warbled somewhere between utter fury and inconsolable fear the whole night. “I almost lost you because of… a jock-game!?”
“It’s called a spowt, Dad,” Ann sighed. It was hour-five, and the argument had gone right through dinner. Discord currently paced the living room in the house in Chaosville, with Fluttershy sitting on a nearby couch and Ann standing front and center.
Discord scoffed, “Pfeh! You want a real game, I could get you into a rousing game of Ogres and Oubliettes! Sure, the new edition dumbed things down for the streaming audience, but it’s still an exciting… nonlethal game of wits and skill!”
And with a snap of his fingers, a feathered-hat appeared atop Ann’s head, and a wooden lute hung from her neck.
“You can be a Singer!” Discord said, testing the draw-strength of a bow he materialized solely for the gag, “The new edition makes them a little OP, but I trust your restraint…”
Annoyed, Ann ripped the lute and hat off with her tail, and flung them both across the room into an upside-down active volcano.
Discord sighed. “Hm. Fine. Not a ‘Fantasy’ player then? Never fear!” he pulled a small collection of boardgames out of his left ear, “Would you care for some Vampire-Pony: The Lemonade? Or perhaps a rousing game of Space Tiffs: Edge of Equestria? Mahjong…?”
“I don’t want to play games!” Ann growled, sick and tired of defending herself by now, regardless of who was to blame, “I want to play buckball with my fwiends!”
“Out of the question!” Discord held out his paw with a small STOP sign stuck to his palm, “You’re staying put. If your friends want to see you, they’ll have to schedule something during visitation hours… and bring a signed letter from the governor.”
“That’s not fair.”
Discord laughed, but didn’t smile, “Life hardly is.”
Fluttershy had been silent thus far. Her initial panic at Ann’s… incident had long since faded from tears and terror to a sort of dull, throbbing heartache. But for all she felt right now, that desperate, motherly wish to claw her baby back to her forelegs and wrap her in a hug that would never end, she also knew when things were going too far.
After a tiny cough, she said, “Discord… we should probably talk about this alone before…”
“What’s there to discuss!?” his head spun completely around to face her, his voice incredulous, “Our little Anarchy almost died out there!”
Ann shook her head. Whatever shame she’d felt before was worn down into a blunt and jagged desire to just forget the whole day and move on.
“But I’m fine!” she sighed, a pressure building in her chest, “Gwampa said…”
“I don’t care what Grogar says! He isn’t your ‘Gwampa’!” Discord twisted back to his daughter so hard he hung in the air, doing his very best to loom over the living room.
Fluttershy’s hackles raised, not liking where this was going one bit. “Discord…”
“What does that mean!?” Ann stomped one hoof onto the floorboards, causing a flight of seagulls to crawl out from under the rug and flee for the hills.
Discord turned towards the fireplace, now a log of marshmellows which burned up into popcorn as opposed to fire and smoke. He folded his ears forward, and his arms across his serpentine body.
In a low, low voice, he growled, “Grogar isn’t your grandfather… because he was never a father to begin with.”
He half-turned, just enough to give Ann a withering look. “Don’t you see? He made me in a lab, and he only raised me so he could have his Chaos Monster! He wasn’t a father, just an old goat who didn’t care for anycreature’s feelings except himself and his own!”
Ann had listened… and even Fluttershy could see the little Ponequus was boiling. Her Grampa may have rough edges, but he was kind to her. And right now, something was starting to build up within Ann that detested hearing anything to the contrary.
“Well I guess it runs in the family!”
There was a half-second where the fury had come loose in Ann. And it was immediately followed by a cold, hollow feeling.
That feeling screamed, Did I say that OUT LOUD!?”
“What did you say?” Discord was facing Ann directly, his voice a haunting, faded sound, like a ghost caught in the branches of a tree.
“She didn’t mean it!” a voice, Fluttershy’s perhaps, echoed after his… but Ann couldn’t hear it.
All she could hear was the sound of anger flowing back into her like adrenaline.
“Y-yeah! I did! Gwampa might be a little gwouchy, and he smells funny… and he’s evil… but he’s nice to me!” The words tumbled out of her mouth, “He understands me!”
“Stop. Talking.” Crimson eyes flashed as he spoke.
There was no stopping. Not now. Not when she had something to say.
“You nevew understood! You don’t care! All you care about is your pwecious Chaos, and how much of it you can spwead awound! Gwampa gets me more than y…”
Snap!
Ann felt the snap, even before her ears really registered its sound, the finality of a gavel ringing through the Realm of Chaos. It snaked straight through her, nose to tail.
Where were the words?
She tried to speak.
Nothing. She remembered how, but something was… lacking. Her throat felt so strange.
Ann tried again, only managing a strangled squeak.
“You will not say such things to me, missy,” Discord snarled, “If you can’t say anything nice… then say nothing! AT! ALL!”
Then, with the same hand that had just robbed Ann of her voice, he jabbed a dagger-like finger towards another part of the house and said, “Now go to your room!”
Ann stood silently. Her eyes looked straight up into Discord’s own, meeting fury… with tears.
No, she thought. No, no, nonononono! If… if I can’t talk, how will I…? What if… Cheese! I can’t talk to Cheese! I can’t talk to… anyone…
Her heart constricted in her chest, and Ann felt the wave of terror climb higher and higher within her… only to slowly feel the truth of it. It wasn’t fear… it wasn’t sadness. It was rage. The filly felt, for perhaps the first time, a true, true fury take hold of her. That wave of fear and panic at losing her friends?
It was as the foam atop a tidal wave of madness.
Her eyes flashed, crimson, and her teeth gnashed. And Ann let loose in the only way she knew how.
A psychic scream wrenched itself loose from her soul.
I HATE YOU!
And, without a snap or fanfare of any sort, she vanished in a flash of light, sent straight to her room.
Discord hadn’t moved. He couldn’t. He turned, just enough to see Fluttershy…
Fluttershy couldn’t look back. The tears flowed freely, her face covered by one hoof as she quickly rose, and then walked out of the room. She never once looked back.
The Lord of Chaos, now alone, slumped down onto the floor. His hands covered his eyes, the only things powerful enough to hold back the tears, and they still failed.
“I’ll never become you,” he whimpered, quietly and with shuddering breaths, “Never… never…”
I’ll never forgive him, Ann wept into her bedsheets, staining them with her silent cries. Never… never…
Over an hour passed, as much as time could pass in the Realm of Chaos, and Ann’s silent cries had long since been reduced to little more than choked sobs, then shaking hiccups, and finally, true silence. She sat motionless beneath her shifting plaid blanket, spent completely of her sorrow and her…
No. Not her anger. Never her anger. Even now, as she stared blearily into her sheets with red-raw eyes, a kernel of fire burned within her.
The room, like its occupant, was dour. With Ann’s sad state, her room’s colors had faded quite considerably. The coral reef at the bottom of her waterbed, an undulating mass of crystal-clear water, had lost much of its color and vibrancy. The fish, in particular, just sat about, sighing instead of swimming. The Hearth’s Warming tree hanging from the ceiling, once Ann’s favorite perch and whose Flame of Friendship provided an adequate night-light, lay bare of all its needles, and its Fire lay coiled on the floor, whimpering.
Only two objects maintained their color. First was a few of Grogar’s Glowers sitting in their little windowsill box. And the second was Ann’s window itself. It appeared to be a stain glass depiction of Ann, Cheese, Pearl, Goldie, Shade, and Moon blasting Discord with magical light.
That last one was new. Very new.
As Ann watched her wallpaper spiral in grey-on-gray, she heard a sound coming from her floor. It was a knocking sound.
“Ann?” the soft, patient voice of her mom caught Ann’s attention, “Can I come in?”
In a silence so deafening that Ann’s eyes could be heard rolling, Fluttershy seemed to suddenly think better of her words.
“Oh… um… clap your hooves once for yes, twice for no.”
Ann nestled herself deeper into her bed. But only for a moment. The two competing emotions within her were anger and a deep-felt need for her mother’s embrace.
As soon as she heard a clap, Fluttershy had opened the door laying on Ann’s floor, and dropped through to the ceiling with a frightened squeak. It was a good thing that the ceiling here was made of pink clouds, in that case. As she reoriented herself, Fluttershy allowed the dimension’s natural chaotic field to draw her closer to Ann’s bed.
Little ripples danced across the bed’s watery surface as Fluttershy touched down, startling the fish. A few seemed genuinely thrilled to see her, but they were also quite conscientious, and held off pestering her for the moment.
“Ann?” Fluttershy lay down on her belly, staying just far enough away so that her daughter had all the room she needed, “Ann? I… I brought something for you.”
The little Ponequus slowly turned her head to look over her shoulder. She watched her mother’s hopeful smile for several second before she sighed, and then dove down into her waterbed. Ann did a few flips and spins, used the coral reef’s spinier bits to scratch an itch on her withers, and then breached nearby her mother, her mane and coat perfectly dry.
That was a feature. The bed would shrink down to nothing if she took water away from it all the time, after all.
Fluttershy grinned at her little one’s antics. Even upset or heartbroken, little Anarchy could always be counted on for adding a little whimsy to her life. She reached under one wing, and withdrew what looked like a stick of bright pink chewing gum in between her teeth.
Pink… with a single streak of black running through it. Ann’s eyes widened considerably the instant she saw it, looking so much like her own mane. As she gaped, every single thing in her room seemed to tick up a degree in color saturation. Even the Fire of Friendship looked up, hopefully, from its resting place on her floor.
As soon as her mom offered it, Ann snapped up the stick and began to chew ferociously. She worked the left, and then the right side of her jaw. She blew a bubble that curiously avoided popping in favor of the banging toll of a gong.
Then, once she’d swallowed the whole mess, Ann began to laugh again.
“My voice!” she cried, “My voice is back!!!”
And with a yipp, Ann leapt into the air and stretched out her tail to grip a branch of the rapidly re-greening Hearth’s Warming tree. She laughed, dangling upside down from the branch to Fluttershy’s endless amusement, when a heavy microphone on a long cord dropped up from the floor towards the ceiling.
Anarchy snatched up the mic, took a deep breath, and said with an entirely different, slightly unsettlingly deep voice:
“L-l-l-l-let’s get weady to WUMBL-L-L-L-L-LE!!!!!”
Fluttershy’s whole body clenched at the absurdly loud, feedback-filled noise. Her teeth grit, her eyes closed tight, and her ears flattened against her head. She was used to loud music, even loved it. But this was just loud noise!
Yet, all it took to pull her back was the feeling of two tiny hooves and legs wrapping around her body.
“Thank you, Mama!” Ann delivered a kiss to her mother’s cheek, “Thank you! Thank you!” She nuzzled deep into the hug, laughing softly as her mother squeezed back.
The feeling didn’t last, however. Two yellow, feathery wings gently picked Ann up, carried her up into the air, and even more gently set her back down onto the bed, just far enough so that Fluttershy could face her directly.
“M-mom?” she asked, uncertain as to what was going on with her mother’s face.
Fluttershy’s eyes were still utterly calm pools, and her voice still a delicate melody, but Ann could see now an implacable, iron will was rising to the fore as her mother spoke.
“You shouldn’t thank me, Anarchy,” she invoked her little one’s full name, “I wouldn’t have given your voice back until tomorrow, if it were up to me.”
“W-what?” Ann’s ears flattened.
Fluttershy nodded solemnly, “You heard me. Your father decided he… might have overreacted himself.”
“But… why?” Ann’s eyes narrowed in confusion, baffled as to where this was all coming from.
“Because,” Fluttershy frowned, “What you said to your father was unacceptable. It was very rude, to him and to me, and worse! It was lying.” She nearly hissed that last word, it coming out dripping with the same venom with which she might say the word ‘bacon’.
Fluttershy lowered herself on the bed, just enough so that she was eye level with her little foal. “Your father does understand. You know that.”
Ann, feeling her breath coming a little faster, looked away. Her cheeks reddened, though she couldn’t say whether it was shame, or that last ember of anger still in her heart.
“I… I guess.”
A hoof touched just under her chin, and it gently guided her face back to her mother’s commanding, but no less gentle gaze.
“You don’t hate your father.”
Ann was silent. She sniffed, and looked down to her hooves again, whispering, “… no.”
But the ember surged, briefly, back to life.
“He was going to stop me seeing my friends…”
“And that wasn’t right either,” Fluttershy said with a calming tone. She waited for Ann to compose herself just a bit and look back up. When she did, Fluttershy said, “But you must understand. Your father was so, so scared today.”
Ann’s yellow and crimson eyes bulged, slightly, and she gasped, “S-scared!? Weally?”
“Oh my! Terrified! We both were.” Ann’s mother paused to wipe away a tear with a wingtip, “We almost lost you today, and there hadn’t even been a chance for us to help…”
“But…” Ann could feel something, something not right about the way her mother spoke. It was like there was something that the grownups knew that… that she and the other kids didn’t. Ann didn’t know if this was related to all that ‘meta’ stuff her dad went on about, but it left a black, greasy feeling in her belly to see her mom struggle with this.
Fluttershy, from the way her eyes glinted, seemed to realize this too.
“Ann… what do you think happened when you almost… disappeared?”
Now that was the million-bit question. Ann briefly thought back to those… those moments when her hoof disappeared. When her hearing cut out, her vision failed. She thought back, briefly to the moment she realized she wouldn’t…
“I… I was… dying.” The final word seemed to click into place, like the last piece of a puzzle.
Fluttershy nodded, “When Grogar found you, you were little more than a shadow. If he hadn’t been there… I would have never seen you again.”
“N… nevew?”
“Never,” Fluttershy’s voice cracked, but she pressed on. She held out her wing, inviting Ann closer. Once the little filly had snuggled in tight, Fluttershy continued.
“When most creatures get to a certain age, or… have bad things happen to them… we die,” she explained. “Our spirits leave our bodies, and we go someplace else.”
“Where do you go?”
Fluttershy didn’t fail to notice Ann hadn’t asked where ‘she’ would go. “Nopony knows, not even the Princesses. But a lot of us believe that, if we’ve been good, we go someplace where we can see all our family and friends again.”
“Can…” Ann hesitated, “Can I go there? To see you?”
“I don’t know,” Fluttershy rested her head atop Ann’s, “Discord knows something about it, but he never told me. All I, or anyone else, knows is that the living and the dead can never see each other again.
“That’s why your father was so scared,” she tightened her wing’s grip, “He was afraid he could never see you again. Do you understand?”
Ann sat silently, nestled under her mother’s wing for what felt like an age. Her eyes darted to and fro as she thought, and as she felt through what she had heard.
“Do… do you have to die?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Fluttershy smiled, and nuzzled her little one again, “Because that’s how life is. Life is… Chaos. Chaos is Change. Change is… oh what word did Discord use…?”
“Entropy?” Ann offered.
“Yes, that!” Fluttershy said, proud of her yet again, “And Entropy is just Time. It’s natural. It’s the way things are meant to be. We can, and should, be sad when life ends…”
Ann felt herself lurch as Fluttershy hefted her up in the older pegasus’ wings. And with a shriek of laughter, she was up in the air, her mother playfully tossing her back and forth between her wings.
With a final swing, Fluttershy brought a giggling Ann back down onto the bed with her, and said, “But there’s always more life out there! Nothing last forever, but nothing truly ends, either!”
Ann smiled through the tears, “It’s… it’s just like Chaos then?”
“Yes,” Fluttershy kissed Ann right on her nose, eliciting another giggle, “But I think for creatures like you and your Dad, that can be hard, to see so much change. He hasn’t had to deal with… death. Not like a pony.”
Ann tilted her head to one side, and asked, “How do you know so much about Chaos?”
Here a small blush broke out on Fluttershy’s face. “Oh… um, your father and I… might have swapped species one Hearth’s Warming.”
“Why?”
“One of the best things about knowing your father,” she sighed, “is that he always encouraged me to branch out and try new things. Like being a Draconequus. Or a tree that once…”
“Can…” Ann wiped at her eyes, “Can I go see him? I… I want to apologize.”
“You can later,” Fluttershy smiled, genuinely, “But he’s off running an errand for me.”
“An ewwand?” Ann frowned at her lisp when it came.
Fluttershy tittered, “You know? You do sound cute when you do that. Don’t worry, he’ll be back tomorrow afternoon. He’s just bringing some… old friends by.”
Ann’s eyes sparkled, “Fwiends? More fwiends?”
Fluttershy nodded, “More friends. Friends that helped me with something that I think you need as well.”
“Oh?” Ann raised a bushy white eyebrow, “what?”
“That little temper you have,” Fluttershy teased.
Ann gaped, “What!? I thought I got that from Dad!”
“Nope,” Fluttershy shook her head, “while Discord… I mean, your father can get mad enough when he’s riled up… There were more than a few times I… lost my ‘cool’, as Dashie always called it.”
“Huh… you think you know somepony…” Ann frowned, “But… how did they help? I… I don’t like feeling this way.”
Fluttershy hopped off the bed, and made her way towards the door in the floor. “I can show you tomorrow. For now…”
She gave the door a hard kick, which caused the whole door and frame to jump up and slap itself against the far wall. “You said you and your friends were learning to play Buckball?”
Ann was by her side instantly. “Awe… awe you gonna teach me?” stars burned in her eyes, “Peawl said you wewe a famous buckball playew!”
Her mother blushed, “W-well, I guess I was okay at it. Only Snails went professional… but I can teach you some of my old tricks while we wait for dinner to cook itself.”
She took a deep breath, “And… I’ve been meaning to spend more time with you. With you spending so much time with your friends, and with Dad… I was starting to think that you didn’t need…”
Fluttershy looked down at her side, where a tiny Ponequus had latched itself in a hug with both its forelegs and wings holding tight.
“I’ll always need you, Mom,” Ann nuzzled close, “always.”
Mother and daughter trotted through the winding, nebulous corridors that made up their home in the Realm of Chaos, briefly passing by the kitchen where soup ingredients were eagerly throwing themselves into a boiling pot.
But before they reached the front door, Ann had one last question to ask.
“Why does Dad… hate Gwampa so much?”
“Because he was weak,” Grogar said with a pitiless snarl as he marched down the muddy road to Ponyville Schoolhouse, “And he needed to be strong.”
Ann lay atop her Grandfather’s withers as he walked, she enjoying the ride and he enjoying the fact that she didn’t weigh anything. She’d been pondering how to bring up the subject of her Dad’s foalhood (or, since Grampa was a goat, was it a kidhood?) all morning. With her father off gathering her parents’ mysterious other friends, she’d had little to do while waiting on her Grampa to finish his glowering.
Well, that, and devour a stack of Auntie Celestia’s pancakes.
“So,” she ventured, slowly, “You wewe mean to Dad… on puwpose?”
“I was trying to conquer the world, young one.” Grogar deliberately stamped on a budding flower by the roadside as he continued, “There was no room for kindness or love in the Court of Chimes! No room for mercy when I had all-consuming darkness to spread across the world!”
Ann levered herself into a position where she could lean in between Grogar’s horns and meet him, eye-to-eye, albeit upside down as well. It was a wonder her long, pink-black mane didn’t fall down enough to catch under his hooves.
“But why?”
“Because I could. And because I wanted to,” Grogar shrugged. Then, as his eyes narrowed in thought, he asked, “Is this about your fight last night?”
She shrank back, “You… heawd about that?”
The Ram chuckled sinisterly, “My child, I could hear that argument from my quarters in this dimension! Twas a mighty row, I think.”
“I know,” Ann crawled back up to Grogar’s withers and began to stroke her tail in agitation, “I feel awful about it…”
“A pity,” Grogar grumbled, “I thought you made a fine showing. Did you know it took Discord two centuries before he talked back to me like that? I’m very impressed.”
“But I huwt his feelings!” Ann whined, “I’m… I’m a bad pony…”
Grogar sighed, which seemed to cause the grass nearby to shrivel in despair, “You are not a bad pony.”
She sniffed, “Yeah?”
“You’re not even a pony,” he stated, authoritatively, “I’d say you were a chimera, or perhaps some variety of mutant. Your father came up with that insipid word, Ponequus, so I suppose that will have… to…”
His voice paused. Grogar could hear nearly-silent sobs on top of his back.
Kids these days, he grumbled internally. A thousand years ago, every colt and filly wanted to be a monster. Maybe it is I who is out of touch…?
“No,” he concluded, “The children today are in error.”
But hearing his own grandfoal cry wasn’t exactly what he enjoyed listening to in the morning.
“Harken to me!” Grogar ordered with a grumbling, gritty growl. He waited until he heard no more from Ann, then said, “You are yet half pony due to your mother. So, if it pleases you, act more like Fluttershy than my good-for-nothing son. She’s far too good for him, in any case…”
In a flash, she was back up on his horns, face hanging down to meet his gaze.
He could see fire.
“Do you mean that?” she asked.
He nodded, “Indeed. Fluttershy is… adequate, as far as ponies…”
“Not that,” she scolded.
Grogar could never flinch. Never. Even up against Gusty herself, he never felt a twinge of true fear in his ancient life. And Ann, for all she could muster her annoyance, just couldn’t be scary to him.
But… Grogar could acknowledge strength.
“Discord wove your essence from his own Chaotic nature, and that of your mother,” he said after a few moments, “The Princesses and I possess an ancient power, a sort of sight-beyond-sight. And to me… you and she share a bond that cannot be easily undone. She is your mother, in every way that counts. You are a pony, inasmuch as you want to be one.”
Ann tried, valiantly, to hold onto that same iron-will she’d seen her mother make use of the night before… but hearing that had set a small, silly smile back onto her face.
“Thank you, Gwampa,” she said, and then planted a kiss right between the ancient Ram’s eyes.
It was adorable, at least to Grogar, to hear her squeaky little voice try to make such a bold demand. He smiled, and said, “And… how will you enforce such a demand?”
Her eyes narrowed, and for an instant… for a split second in the endless stream of time… Grogar saw his own eyes staring back.
“I’m half pony,” Ann said, never breaking eye contact, “But also half Dwaconequus. Dad says we can be… vewy unpwedictable…”
She slowly raised herself back up her grandfather’s head and settled back into her spot in the middle of his back. He hadn’t broken pace the entire time. And for the next several minutes, all that Grogar did was work his jaw this way, and that way, as though he were literally chewing on his thoughts.
“Shame,” he said, eventually, “You’d be a natural at Evil.”
“Thank you,” Ann said, happily content to smile and wait for her ride to reach school.
“Free advice from an old hoof? If anycreature is prophesized to defeat you, don’t burn down their village. It only encourages them…”
The school day passed in a pleasant blur for Anarchy. Since Miss Silver Spoon was still… recovering from her fainting spell, she’d called in backup in the form of Mrs. Diamond Tiara, and all the students were cycled through learning stations. Ann loved the new pace, not knowing what would happen next.
She spent much of the morning working with Shady, who had brought his favorite book in the world to help her learn to read.
“Dawing Do n-nodded to A… Ahw…”
“Ah-Wee-Zot-El,” Shady said slowly, over-pronouncing every syllable with exacting precision.
“A-wee-zotal,” Ann worked the name over a few times before continuing, “and pwomised to nevew steal from his t-tem-temp-less again. Fluttershy… hey!” She pointed at the page with her hoof, and then turned wide, shocked eyes up to her tutor’s face, “That’s my Mom’s name!”
Shady blinked. “That… that is your mom.”
“Whoa!” Ann whispered, incredulous. “So… did your mom give you this book because her fwiend was in it?”
“N-no…” Shady’s considerably flappy ears turned down. “My dad got me the books. Mom thinks they,” he slipped back into his ‘groovy’ voice, “Encourage a matriarchal worldview that inhibits the stimulation of adult stallion role models,” he ended with a tone normally reserved for asking a question.
“… What the heck does that mean?”
“I have no idea…”
Recess couldn’t have arrived sooner. In order to prevent ‘snooping’, as Beauregard called it, in what Shady considered a sudden, surprising burst of mental energy, the two teams took up their practices on opposite sides of the playground, which conveniently wrapped enough around the schoolhouse to block the view between both parties.
And Ann was eager to get practice going.
“Come on!” Ann cried out, “Buck me the ball!”
Little Cheese frowned, “Are… are you sure? Yesterday…”
“Yestewday,” said Ann, as though already bored of explaining, “I was all dis-comb-o-bo-feted because I wasn’t using my magic. I can feel my legs again, so buck the ball alweady!”
Cheese continued to frown, especially as he tried to disentangle whatever word that was Ann tried to use, but after a few moments of pensive thought, he slapped the ball once to get it bouncing, and then sent it racing off with a sharp hind-kick.
Pearl flinched and looked away as the ball seemed to hone in directly on Ann’s face. She couldn’t bear to watch again…
But the ball missed. At the last instant, Ann ducked below it, and let the ball fall straight into the cupped-curve of her long, pink-and-black tail. The ball strained for but a moment, until Ann suddenly whipped her tail around her head like Cheese had seen the Apples do with their lassos, which sent the buckball hurtling back from whence it came.
Cheese, jaw hanging open, barely had time to lower his head, using the poof of his mane to block the ball’s momentum and pop it back up in the air. Then, with a laugh, he sent it back towards her with a flank-check.
“Ann! You can play!” he said.
She caught the ball with one of her bat-wings, holding on like it were a huge hand growing out of her back, and yelled, “I know!”
“My dear, that’s amazing!” Pearl Rose had zipped straight from the edge of the chalked-up buckball ring to within inches of Ann’s nose, sending the Ponequus squeaking back several paces, “You did the Shytail Rebound! Your Mama invented that move!
Ann nodded, “She taught me last night. I never knew she could do all that stuff!”
Pearl pumped one hoof into the air, “Oh yes! We are going to show that smug Flawless how real Buckball is played! Crusaders!”
All three clapped their hooves together, with a cry of “Cutie Mark Crusaders Forever!” ringing out over the playground just as three other creatures made their way over.
Shady chuckled as he, Moon, and Goldie approached, “Well, looks like everycreature’s in a better mood today.”
“You think you guys are ready for a practice match?” Goldie asked, one paw (no claw could be that fluffy, right?) snatching up the ball with ease. Her eyes narrowed to cat-like slits, and she began passing the ball back and forth between her paws like Ann had only seen actual cats do before.
Then, as if realizing what she just did, the puffy griffon dropped the ball and backed away, “Um… if that’s okay with you?”
Everyone nodded in unison, and quickly began to take up their positions. Cheese stood in the inner circle, shivering slightly with excitement, facing off against Goldie, who just shivered.
“You know it’s okay, right?” Cheese stared up at the much, much taller griffon, “Just to have fun?”
She sighed, “Sorry, I’m just… anxious around other creatures. If you were a math-book or a sums ledger I’d have no problem.”
He shrugged, then did a cartwheel in place to work out his own nervous energy. “Aw, that’s no problem!” he laughed at the concerned, confused face Goldie made, “My Auntie Twilight is the same way. I can show you her breathing exercises later!”
“Auntie… Twilight?” Goldie’s eyes widened.
“Ladies!” Pearl shouted from behind Goldie, bucket held up in her green magical aura. Her voice took on a low, gruff quality that would make any coach in Equestria weep with pride, saying, “Are we gonna play Buckball? Or are we gonna chit-chat!?”
She tittered daintily as soon as she finished.
Swiftly, they all took up their positions. Miss Cheerilee, freed from having to watch every student at recess by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, arrived at that moment to be the referee, smiling the whole while at seeing her student’s students take an interest in sports. Shady would be the ‘Unicorn’ for one team with Goldie as their ‘Earth Pony’, and Moon would be their ‘Pegasus’. Pearl and Cheese would take up their natural positions, while Ann…
Ann sat at the edge of the outer ring, wings outstretched and ready to come down hard once the game began.
Cheerilee bounced the ball well, proving the hardiness of earth ponies despite her age, and the game began. With the ball served, Cheese leapt up and launched it hard towards their bucket, clearing the startled Goldie’s head easily.
Moon was quick in the air, frighteningly so as Pearl was completely caught off guard by how he zipped around the outer ring with ease and sent the ball back toward Goldie with a jab of his forehooves.
Goldie redirected the ball with her oversized paws, simply sweeping it from one trajectory into another, Cheese unable to leap up with her tremendous frame blocking his lane. Ann, seeing the arc of the ball, threw herself into the air, wings beating as hard and as fast as she could manage.
The ball sailed through her open hooves, straight into Shady’s waiting bucket, and the Ponequus followed suit, crashing into the dirt below like a sack of apples.
She lay on the ground for several seconds, her friends simply watching and waiting. Then, Ann let loose a shriek and hopped up onto her hooves. She started biting at her wings, chewing and shaking her head as hard as a dog with a fresh bone.
“Fly!” she managed through gritted teeth, “Fly! Fly! Why won’t you fly!?”
Cheese was the first to reach her, wrapping his forelegs around her neck and trying to break her own toothy hold on her wings. “Ann! Ann! Stop!”
“I don’t get it!” she nearly sobbed in frustration, “I’m doing evewything my mom and Aunt Dash tell me to do! And nothing wowks! What am I doing wong!?”
While she did stop chewing her own wings, Ann sat down on her haunches, a feeling of defeat slowly sinking in. Cheese sat beside her, and the others slowly crowded around, but for just that moment, she felt utterly alone.
And then, a voice seemed to answer her question. “Everything, actually.”
Pearl and Cheerilee stepped to one side, Shady and Goldie to the other, revealing a completely placid, unmoving Moon Wane.
Ann locked her eyes onto his oversized sunglasses. “What?” she hissed.
“You’re doing it wrong,” he said without any emotion of any sort whatsoever, “With your wings, I mean.”
Her cheeks puffed up, and her eyes narrowed… but Ann remembered what she’d said and done the last time that tight, hot pain in her chest was let loose, so she said nothing. She stood up, and let the batpony approach.
“Open your wings,” he said. When she didn’t, he nodded towards her sides. She finally complied, holding out her blue, leathery wings for all to see.
Moon opened his as well, and it was immediately clear that his were slightly smaller than Ann’s were. “You see these bones in your wing?” he pointed with his muzzle to the long, slender ridges that filled out both their wing-shapes, “They’re like the bones in a centaur’s hand, or a griffon’s claw. Try bending them, moving them.”
He demonstrated, flexing his wings this way and that, doing a very fine impression of a hand as he did so. Ann’s anger faded as she watched, and was quickly replaced by a curiosity she hadn’t known before.
Turning her wing over, she looked at her appendage for what felt like the first time. She started bending the bones in her right wing, the ones she always thought were just like her mother’s, ridged and fixed. They flexed surprisingly easily. She wondered if her mom knew about batpony wings, but Ann supposed her fascination with flying was new enough, and her time talking to her mother about it limited enough, so that they never really had a chance to talk about it.
Moon watched her flex and bend her wings a bit, and then said, “If your wings work like mine, then you should have a lot more control over how you fly than a regular pegasus.”
“Well, that’s nice,” she said, a very faint smile threatening to break out as she watched her wings bend and fold, “But my pwoblem is getting into the air in the fiwst place.”
“Your wings are bigger than mine, so the problem isn’t that they’re not strong enough,” Moon said, walking around Ann as he spoke, “It’s that you’re using them in the wrong way. How do you normally flap them?”
She thought about that for a moment. Thinking about flying was weirdly a lot more difficult than just… flying. Or, trying to fly, anyway. Ann held up her wings, and then began to flap like she’d been doing earlier…
Moon’s pointed ears flicked as he presumably watched her pantomime. After she flapped a few more times, he held out a hoof to stop the demonstration.
“Hm,” he grunted, “You flap like a pegasus.”
“Is… is that bad?” she lowered her head a skosh.
He smiled, revealing his tiny fangs. “No, but you’ve got Batpony wings. You can flap like that to go forward once you’re in the air, but you gotta flap backwards to get up there in the first place.”
“Backwards!?” Cheese frowned, “How the hay does that make sense…?”
“Language, my little pony,” Cheerilee warned, snapped out of her focus on the impromptu-but-fascinating lesson before her.
It really didn’t make sense, at least as far as Ann knew. But flying backwards to go forwards is… it’s completely the opposite of everything anypony has taught me! She thought.
“That’s weally stwange,” Ann said, tapping her chin with a hoof, “It’s diffwent, it’s completely backwawds, it’s… it’s…
“It’s weird,” a little light seemed to flare up behind her eyes. Then, more excited, “It’s weird!”
Ann held her wings out, letting her ‘fingers’ stretch and pull in as many ways as she could. Then, a feeling of excitement building within her chest, she began to flap once more. She rotated her wings backwards this time, like she were rolling her shoulders. When she’d tried rotating them forward, she has always felt like any height she gained was in spite of her effort.
Now, within seconds, her hooves were off the ground. She swiftly rose up and over the heads of her friends, over Miss Cheerilee, and could already see the rooftop of the schoolhouses.
“I can fly,” she said, quietly. Then, louder, “I can fly!”
Her friends were cheering, Ann realized, but she couldn’t hear them. Not over the sound of her own exuberant laughter, in any case.
“I can flyyyyy!” she swept over their heads, nearly needing to bounce off Shady’s horn to keep her altitude. She pulled up at the last moment, and hovered above. “This is amazing!”
Ann’s wings, unused to the mechanics of successfully flying, twitched, and the slight change in her wing’s shape spun the Ponequus around. She tried to tighten her control, only to find herself flying sideways now!
“I am too much in contwol!” she shouted, only to bump into something mid-air.
Moon held her in place with his outstretched forehooves, letting her pause a moment before she spun around to face him.
“Not bad for a first timer,” he laughed. His smile lost its toothyness, slowly morphing from a snark or a smirk into something far more genuine. If she could see his eyes, Ann might even have suspected as much.
“And I’m not even tiwed!” she laughed back, “It’s like I’m cheating compawed to befow! I can fly!”
Ann threw herself into a backflip, forelegs stretched out to her sides, laughing as hard as she’d ever done before…
Which made it hurt all the more as she landed straight down on her back in the dirt once again. The wind thoroughly knocked out of her, Ann gasped for breath and felt hot tears form in her eyes from the pain.
But even with that, and all her friends now fretting over her with Goldie’s cries of ‘We trained for this!’ in her ears, all Ann could think was that she’d flown. She’d actually flown!
Miss Silver Spoon rang the bell only minutes later, calling all the little colts, fillies, and othercreatures back to class. Ann had mostly recovered, and slowly walked back, not willing to challenge the watchful Miss Cheerilee, who had warned her about flying again, just now. But she did hang back slightly, letting Cheese and Pearl walk together with Shady and Goldie.
Ann fell into step with Moon. She reached out and tapped his side with her wonderful, marvelous, able-to-fly wing.
“Hey,” she said.
“Uh, hey?” he tilted one ear towards her, “What’s up?”
“I just wanted to say, thank you,” she leaned forward a little to see more of his face, not entirely content to talk at an ear.
“Not a problem,” Moon smiled, then smirked and added, “Can’t have Batponies look bad, even if just because a Ponequus is using our wings.”
Ann decided that was funny, and giggled just a little bit as they walked. Almost to the door, she also decided that she rather liked Moon. So, like with any good friend, she wanted to know more.
“Can I ask you a question?”
He half-turned his head to… she guessed he could see out of his sunglasses at that angle, and said, “Yeah. Of course.”
“Why do you weaw sunglasses?”
He barked a laugh at that. Then, when he heard nothing else, Moon turned his head completely to see Ann. She looked almost hurt…
“Oh, you were serious,” he hoped his dark-blue coat hid his embarrassed blush, “Sorry… um, I’m a Batpony. We normally sleep during the day, and our eyes are better at night. If there was a Night School here, I’d probably not be up during the daylight at all.”
Her bushy eyebrows raised up a notch, “But you still weaw them in school. And it’s not that bwight in class.”
Moon shrugged, “I… I guess… I’m used to it.” He turned his face away from her, as the door was fast approaching. Miss Cheerilee had broken off towards her own classroom just then, and the last of their other classmates were only just shuffling in themselves.
He stopped, and Ann had to turn back around to look at him. He worked his jaw for another second, thinking. “I’m a Batpony,” he said, finally.
Ann said nothing.
“I know someponies stare at my wings,” he said, slowly, “But that’s alright. I like my wings. They’re pretty cool.”
“Vewy cool,” Ann nodded, smiling again.
Moon smiled back, briefly. “It’s just that… I’ve got Batpony eyes. And other ponies I’ve met before have all said they’re… weird.”
Whatever response he’d expected, Moon hadn’t expected Ann to just stare.
“And?” she asked.
“And?” he repeated back, “And my eyes are weird.”
She scrunched her mouth and nose up a little, like she’d heard someone say fresh food was bad for you. “But…” she said, “They’re youw eyes. Why should you cawe what othew ponies or creatuwes think?”
He opened his mouth… and then closed it. Just at that moment, he couldn’t quite put into words what he meant.
“Because I want to fit in?” he didn’t mean to sound like he was asking a question, but Moon’s voice just sort of… did it for him.
“So?” Ann chuckled, “My Dad says you can make anything fit into anything else if you twy hawd enough.
“Besides,” she tried to give Moon as good a view of her own eyes as she could, “I like weird.”
For some reason, Moon stood perfect still when she did that. Not that this was unusual for him at this point, in her opinion… but it was almost like he’d seen a cockatrice. The only thing that showed he hadn’t, in fact, been frozen was the dim red blush that seemed to creep up his hooves, his legs, his cheeks, and up into his ears.
He finally took a breath, and slowly removed his sunglasses with one of his wings. He held his eyes shut for a moment longer, before looking back at her. Two large, golden orbs stared into Ann’s eyes, a black slash across each giving Moon a striking look, like that of a cat, or a dragon.
Moon wondered if she could hear that same rhythmic pounding that his ears were picking up just now.
Ann smiled. “Wow,” she whispered, “Those awe cool.”
“R-really?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she said, “They’re like Cheese’s!”
“… Cheese’s?”
She nodded, “Oh yeah, Cheese had weal big, pwetty eyes too!”
Moon blinked. He blinked again. Three times.
Ann started towards the open door, beckoning her new friend to follow with her newly flight-certified wings, “Come on! I can’t wait to see Goldie cowwect Miss Tiawa’s math again!”
The Batpony stood in front of the door for several seconds. He just kept blinking. Finally, he shook his head, and stared at his sunglasses before deciding to just stuff them in his saddlebags once he was inside. He couldn’t imagine what he thought he’d been doing wearing them all the time.
As he followed Ann to class, he also couldn’t help but think how much he did not like Cheese right now…
Fluttershy had quite enjoyed her afternoon. It was a lovely, warm day in Equestria. She’d gotten to chat with Starlight Glimmer, Pinkie Pie, and even got in a few moments with her dear sweetheart, Angel, bunnies apparently having extended lifespans as compared to her own world.
And now, she was enjoying a warm cup of tea, as an adorable pony sitting on a soft couch in an adorable tree-house cottage.
Even the occasional kicks were only encouraging.
“Oh my!” she gasped, “there she goes again!”
The other Fluttershy, the one who actually lived in Equestria and didn’t just visit from time to time, hopped off her chair and quickly walked up to her… incredibly pregnant self from the Mirror World.
“Oh, I bet she’s so snug in there!” she cooed and felt her counterpart’s belly with her hoof. “I’m not complaining,” she added, looking up at the twin Lords of Chaos who sat on their thrones mere feet away, “But I did sort of miss out on this part of the experience.”
“Snug is ideal,” Disqord, the copy of himself that was from the human world, and who seemed to retain that shape even here, noted with a whiff of agitation, “Just this morning, she didn’t have hooves, and only had a few weeks to go. Now’s she’s got a few more months added to her sentence…”
Discord, fully Draconequus, said nothing. He brought up a cup of tea and simply nibbled at it.
“Everything alright, old Bean?” Disqord raised an eyebrow, “Why the long face?”
Human-Fluttershy frowned. “Disqord,” she said warningly.
“What?” he asked, “I’ll have you know I resemble that remark.”
Both Fluttershys couldn’t help but giggle just a little bit at that, with the Pony-Fluttershy smiling softly afterwards and saying, “It’s alright, Disqord. Ann and Discord had an argument last night, and both are feeling a little… bad about it.”
“Oh no!” Human-Fluttershy gasped again, then laid one hoof delicately on her considerable belly, “What happened? Is everybody okay? Does anyone want biscuits?”
Disqord smirked, and then snapped his fingers, summoning a plate full of small cakey-biscuits. He lowered these to his own Fluttershy, who’s eyes shined brightly as she took them with a wing.
“Calm, dear,” he said, “the baby’s already going through a lot right now, what with changing species once or twice before being born and having the Grand and Majestic creature that is myself as a father. She, or he, don’t need a panic attack right now.”
“It’s…” Pony-Fluttershy watched the biscuits disappear before her eyes. She’d seen other mares going through the extreme hunger and cravings of pregnancy, but it was still unnerving seeing herself go through it from the outside.
“It’s just the usual thing, I’m sure. Kids have arguments with their parents all the time.”
Both Spirits of Chaos went blank-eyed and said in stereo, “Really? Even you?”
Fluttershy nodded, both of them, “Of course. I’ve told you, Discord, about my parents’ opinion on me living away from home originally?”
Discord frowned, “I honestly didn’t think you were serious. Patter Shy doesn’t seem capable of that sort of… rage.”
“Well,” she rolled her eyes, “Not since the surgery. Oh,” she looked back to her human-self, “You taught Dad those stress-relief exercises I mentioned last time?”
Human-Fluttershy nodded, “Yes, thank you so much.” Then, to her own Disqord, “And you know what my mother… said… when you met her…?”
The still-human Lord of Chaos flinched at the memory.
Discord hummed to himself, and then finally broke his (inconsistently applied) silence, “It’s my fault, really. I… overreacted.”
“But all we do is overreact,” Disqord frowned.
Discord looked away, “It got rough. I… I was so worried about… about losing her, that I started sounding like Grogar…”
But just before Disqord could say a word to Discord, with either support or savage rebuttal, there was a knock. No, more of a crash. And far from being at the front door, the sound had come from up above the tea party, approximately from where Fluttershy had installed a skylight some years ago.
“Did you invite Rainbow Dash to join us?” Human-Fluttershy asked in between biscuits.
Pony-Fluttershy shook her head, and then looked to Discord. “Could you?”
One talon-snap later, an entire windowpane had popped into existence in the middle of the cottage living room. And plastered up against the glass was a very dazed and confused-looking Ponequus.
“Ann!” her mother shouted, eyes wide in fear, “Is everything alright!? How did you…?”
“I’m okay mama…” she casually waved a hoof at the little… Little Cheese’s who bounced around her head. “I flew all the way hewe on my own.”
She looked up at the assembled creatures.
“Dad? You might need to fix something. Thewe’s two of you, and one’s a lot uglier than usual.”
Disqord glanced over to his own Fluttershy’s belly. “You’re grounded,” he whispered.
“You…” Pony-Fluttershy swallowed, “You flew?”
A second knock, harder, and more in the direction of the front door resounded through the house. It heralded the sudden entrance of none other than Grogar, who seemed… slightly out of breath.
“Indeed,” he sighed, “She would not cease talking about it, nor slow down enough for her beloved Grandfather to keep up.”
He glanced over to his son, “Greetings, Discord. Other… more horrifying Disqord. I shall be Glowering if one needs me.”
“He’s still alive!?” Disqord stared at the retreating ram, not caring that Grogar hadn’t actually left the room yet.
“Yes,” Discord sighed.
The human tapped his chin in thought, “How’s that going?”
Discord sighed, again, “He’s still alive…”
Both Fluttershys, in the meantime, were helping Ann back up to her hooves… though the larger one was more a moral support in that effort.
“W-what!?” Ann nearly hopped a whole foot in the air when she finally seemed to find her balance, “Dad! You taught Mom how to duplicate before me!?”
Human-Fluttershy stared… and somehow, though even Discord wasn’t sure how, her eyes slowly grew to be the most blue, beautiful, star-filled eyes he’d ever seen.
“She’s…” she took a breath, and then squealed, “A-DOR-ABLE!!!!”
Ann raised an eyebrow at this, and then shifted her gaze between all four adults in the room. Her gaze lingered a bit longer on the version of her mother that… really seemed to like those biscuits.
“Um,” she bit her lip, “Awe you the old fwiends Dad was gonna go get?”
Human-Fluttershy nodded, smiled, and said, “Yes. I’m…”
“… Mom, but from another dimension?”
The human-turned-pony gaped. “Um… yes. And…”
“And that’s me?” Ann pointed one hoof at her stomach.
Discord’s eyes focused on Ann. “Perhaps. I made you with magic.”
“And we made you with, well…” Disqord, despite a snicker, also narrowed his eyes on Ann for a moment.
There was something going on with the fourth wall…
“We think she’s a girl,” Human-Fluttershy added, “But besides, uh…” she slowly petered out as she noted Ann’s eyes, and where their gaze was locked.
The little Ponequus trotted up to her Not-Mother, and stared at the large belly which presumably held… something. Or, somepony. She lay her ear on Human-Fluttershy’s side, and reached up with one hoof. Softly, Ann tapped out a tune on her belly.
Tap.
Tap-tap-tap-tap.
Discord winced, horns curling, while Disqord nearly retched.
As Ann went to tap out the tune again, she heard a slightly muffled sound from within.
Tap-tap.
She smiled. “Hey! I am in there!”
And then she sang.
“Shave and a manecut…”
Human-Fluttershy let out a warm, loud burp, and a hoof flew instantly to her muzzle, “Ohmygosh! I’m so, sooo sorry! I don’t know what came over me…”
And as Ann opened her mouth to sing again, a grey human hand reached around to snap her muzzle shut, and quickly drag her over to her Dad and Not-Dad, who looked incredibly uncomfortable, nearly haggard in their appearances quite suddenly.
Disqord, worry lacing his every word, said, “If you couldn’t tell, no Draconequus… or Ponequus apparently, can resist the ‘Shave and a Manecut’ gag. If you did that again, my wife over there might have popped.”
“Which,” her father sighed, “you probably would have known had you seen the fourth wall just now. It’s practically falling apart!”
Ann swiveled her head between both her Dad and Not-Dad.
“Oh… oh!” she suddenly realized just what almost happened… and all over the furniture too.
“I’m sorry, Dad. I’m sorry, Not-Dad,” she looked down at her hooves, not wanting to show either of them her burning embarrassment of a blush. She was so absorbed in hiding her face, she hardly noticed her lisp slip just then.
But then, she looked back up. After the excitement of finally flying had worn off, and the shock of seeing these duplicates of her parents from another world had passed, there was still one thing Ann realized she needed to do. To set right.
“I’m sowwy!” she cried, tears brimming in her little eyes. “I’m sowwy, Dad!” She threw herself at her father, and wrapped both her legs and her wings around his serpentine body, pressing her nose into his coat and sobbing.
“I didn’t mean it,” she continued, “I was mad… I was so angwy at you. And I said those things… please fowgive me… you’re weird…”
Discord didn’t move. His eyes flicked up to see his wife’s smile, the confused, yet hopeful look on her human-self, and the curious, calculating stare of his own duplicate. And then, his eyes went back to the one creature in the entire cosmos… yes, the entire cosmos he may very well have loved more than anything.
Even, hard as it might have been to believe, himself.
“It’s alright, my kaleidoscope kiddo,” he smiled, and his words brought out a giggle from Ann in the middle of her soft sobs. “You’re weird too.”
He pulled her into his own hug, and gently stroked her mane with his paw.
After a few moments, Pony-Fluttershy broke the awww’d silence with a quiet cough. “That’s so wonderful,” she said, her eyes beaming out nothing but happiness and contentment towards her family, “But part of the reason I asked the Human-Me and her husband here was to talk about managing your anger, Ann.”
Ann sighed, and let herself be set back down, “Yeah, I know. But… how do you make those feelings go away?”
“You can’t,” Human-Fluttershy shook her head, “you can only manage them, suppress them, or release them. And… with the music I brought, releasing those negative emotions is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.”
Ann blinked, “Music?”
Human-Fluttershy tried, and failed, to reach to her saddlebags. With a chagrined look, she pointed to them for Pony-Fluttershy to retrieve. Once the bags were in-hoof, she withdrew several large, vinyl records.
“Now,” she began, “do you think she’d like Ram-Stein? Black Stable? Or perhaps she’d like Mare-o-war?”
Fluttershy picked up Ann with her wings and held her daughter close, “I think I’d like to start with War Troggles*, and move on from there.”
“Excellent taste, my dears,” Disqord said, and without an ounce of pomp or circumstance, snapped his fingers.
In a flash, a DJ turntable, complete with huge speakers on either side appeared across the tea table from everycreature there. Complete with a very confused, possibly baffled Vinyl Scratch. She systematically checked her ears, her purple shades, and her equipment, and didn’t seem to terribly concerned at first.
Mostly, she seemed more concerned about the fact that she had hooves.
“If it wouldn’t be much trouble,” Discord said, sliding a record into place on the table, “This is a therapy-session, of sorts. All for a good cause. We’ll have you back in your dimension soon.”
Vinyl stared at the bizarre creature before her, and smiled.
Why not? she seemed to say. I’ve had worse gigs…
While the new pony began adjusting her set-up, Ann glanced over towards her Not-Mom.
“Um… could I please have one of those biscuits? They look yummy…”
Human-Fluttershy threw a worried look over at Disqord, who leaned into his other half.
“She can handle bacon, right?”
“I’ve seen her eat a lead pipe once.”
Ann frowned, “I ate a dweam once. Aunt Luna was so upset…”
In the silence before the Metalocalypse about to proceed, Human-Fluttershy covered her guilty face with her hooves and sighed.
“I hate pregnancy-cravings…”
7 - The Beautiful Game Part 3 - I! AM! IRON MARE!!!
Silver Spoon sighed, in as dignified and quiet a manner as she was capable of mustering. She knew today would be tough. She was marrying a Wonderbolt, so getting used to sports-fervor was a necessity. Regardless of the age of the players in this case, she knew the allure of such things, and had expected her students to be gripped with the fever-pitch of a competition, just a touch too distracted to give her one-hundred percent of their attention.
What she hadn’t expected, was an entire class dressed, or in some cases painted, in the ‘team’ colors. Ann and her friends had inspired about half the class to come dressed in blue-and-red capes, jerseys, and paint, with a prominent ‘CMC’ emblazoned on little flags, while the other half appeared to be rooting for Flawless and her ‘Crystal Gems’ team with their green-and-blues.
Where did the tiny flags come from? She had no idea, but since Discord was still banned from the school, Silver Spoon suspected a certain pink party planning pony. Which was annoying, partially due to Pinkie being too… Pinkie to properly impress with the impropriety of pushing such platitudes and politics onto impressionable pupils.
Also partially, Silver Spoon had hired Pinkie to plan her wedding party, and didn’t feel like breaking that off over a silly foal’s game.
She also hadn’t expected every single eyeball in her classroom to be focused exclusively on the small clock they’d installed with a magical bell. There were only five minutes left in class, true, but they’d been staring like that all day.
“Alright, class,” she decided to trudge on with her last announcements, “I know you all want to go to your little game, but I still need to pass out these permission slips.”
As she walked through the rows of fervent Buckball fans, delivering the slips of paper to each student, she continued trying to explain one more time, just in case somecreature was actually listening to her.
“We’ll be visiting the Royal Canterlot Statue Garden, and while we have a couple of chaperons, we could always use a few more, so let your parents know…”
Please, she thought frantically, Don’t let Grogar be the only one who signed up…
Cheese, fidgeting as he always did at times like this, which admittedly was all the time, glanced away from the clock towards Ann, who seemed not to even notice the world around her. She simply sat, in a sort of calm, zen-like trance, a near-silent tune humming behind her lips.
It suits her, he thought.
“Hey, Ann,” he whispered after the teacher had gone by, “You alright?”
“Hm?” Ann turned, and gave her friend a soft, lazy smile, “What?”
“You’ve been weirdly chilled out for like, two days,” he said. Then, he smiled, “Not that that’s bad. Even at practice, you haven’t been anxious at all!”
Ann just nodded, slowly. “Yeah. Mom showed me something to help calm down.”
Cheese’s eyes flashed, “Oh? Anything I can use whenever my mom needs to calm down? Cuz, like… I could use a break once in a while…”
She giggled, “Ever heaw of ‘heavy metal’?”
“That’s silly,” he said, “Metal’s always heavy.”
“No,” Ann leaned over towards him, “it’s like… weally angwy music!”
One eyebrow raised. “How does angry music make you less angry?”
“I don’t know, but it works! Come ovew sometime, I’ll show ya.”
Ann paused. She heard something. Her ears twisted around like Moon’s, trying to track wherever the sounds were coming from, but she realized quickly that she needn’t bother.
The noise came from the entire class. Every foal, every colt and filly and nymph and chick and whatever else watched the clock countdown, inexorably towards twelve o’clock. And they were counting right alongside the little seconds-hand in a collective whisper.
“Ten… nine… eight…”
Silver Spoon sighed, again. She set the extra permission slips down and consigned herself to the end of class. And an extra-plus-size bottle of Sweet Apple Farms cider…
“… seven… six… five…”
Flawless met Ann’s gaze. Ann met Flawless’s. From across the classroom each dared the other to look away first. Though, when Flawless felt a second Ann tap her on the shoulder, she did lose eye contact for a brief second while she whirled about in surprise.
“… four… three…”
Mandible hoofbumped with Beauregard, the orange Changeling and blue unicorn locking eyes with Pearl and Cheese. Pearl snarled, and met their gaze. Cheese waved, and asked if they wanted to hang out afterward. Dib and Beau… considered it.
“…two… one…”
The clock struck noon. And nothing happened. There should have been a little bell-sound. That had been guaranteed by the manufacturer. A bell. Silver Spoon wondered why Cheerilee had trusted Trixie Lulamoon of all ponies with installing the thing, considering there was, for emphasis now, no bell.
Instead, there was a click that emanated throughout the room, followed by the sound of audio-feedback and static. Everycreature covered their ears and winced as the nails-on-a-chalkboard screech yowled from what should have been a simple, magical bell.
And then, a voice like static-cling sliding down a balloon animal said, “Are we ready? Is everypony here for the Big Game?”
Ann sighed and rubbed her forehead with her tail, “Oh, Dad…”
Instantly, with a pop, Discord himself, the Lord of Chaos had appeared at the front of the classroom. His sudden appearance drew all eyes to him, including the slightly embarrassed eyes of Ann, and the far more curious… even star-struck eyes of Flawless. Because standing beside the Draconequus appeared to be the Princess Twilight Sparkle, looking thoroughly put-out, in all her glory.
Silver Spoon, despite her familiarity with the royalty, sputtered at the sudden intrusion.
“P-Princess!? Discord? Wait… how… what!?”
Twilight leaned down to look the schoolteacher in the eye. She looked so apologetic that Silver Spoon started worrying.
“I’m so sorry about this,” the Princes said in the same tone as one might deliver an upsetting bit of medical news, “So… so sorry. But your school has been declared foreign soil, temporarily.”
Silver Spoon’s jaw hung loose. Then, with a drawn-out horror, she asked, “Why…?”
“Because Discord wants to attend the game,” the Sextarch of Ponykind sighed, “And this was the only loophole my lawyers could find to just let him have his way without raising taxes or having Bananas given the right to vote.”
“But…” Silver Spoon shook her head, “Why!?”
Discord slithered around the teacher’s shoulders, face fixed into a perpetual smirk.
“Because,” he drawled, “If you build it, they will come…”
As he raised a claw, talons ready to make the magic happen, Silver Spoon let out a single, solitary word of protest.
“WHY!?”
Where once stood Ponyville Schoolhouse, there was now nothing of the sort. A grand coliseum, wrought in oak and dolled up to resemble an Apple family barn writ large dominated the entire section of land right across the river from Ponyville. Red, blue, green, and purple flags and banners hung from apple-red walls, and the sounds of a clamoring audience filled the space.
For, quite suddenly, it would appear that all of Ponyville and some parts beyond had been teleported straight into that place. After a few moments of terror, or shock… they seemed to immediately warm up to the idea of a nice afternoon game.
Especially when they noticed the cheap food prices.
It really was a nice, warm day. And how often had weirder, more horrible things happened quite suddenly? At least, the older ponies could say with certainty, there wasn’t a power-mad centaur draining their magic away. Or a power-mad Changeling Queen draining their love away. Or a power-mad filly…
Point was, everypony agreed, it just felt like a perfect afternoon for a ballgame, and nocreature was really too upset at being teleported to one. Especially since that meant skipping lines and traffic!
In the stands, Grogar sat with the Princesses-Emeriti Celestia and Luna. For the first time in many, many years, he almost seemed happy, with a Buckball cap depicting Anarchy’s face atop his head and a veritable mountain of crackerjack boxes set out before him. He was so engrossed in his treats, in fact, that he hardly took note of the Princesses themselves.
“My bits are on the Crystal Gems,” Celestia took an enthusiastic bite out of a soft-pretzel and noisily chewed away.
“Sister, you cannot be serious,” Luna said as she tried to adjust the sunglasses and Little-Cheese hat on her own head, finding it quite difficult with the large, foam-hoof declaring the Cutie Mark Crusaders to be ‘Number 1’ covering her hoof.
Celestia tilted her head. “Oh?”
“In the first part,” Luna gave up trying to remove her memorabilia, and instead took a long drink of her soda, “we are currently living with little Ann in Fluttershy’s cottage. It would be rude to root against our hosts. Secondly…” she fixed her sister with a calculating ferocity, “I think Ann shall whip this Flawless most heinously.”
Grogar grunted through a muzzle-full of caramel-covered peanuts, “I always knew you were the wiser sister. I’ll take that action, Sun Princess.”
Celestia huffed, and raised her nose at the two neigh-sayers, “I happen to be a remarkably good judge of talent, judging by all the Princesses I’ve singled out and trained…”
“Is it two, or three, in one thousand years?” Grogar chuckled, “If I cared to, it would be a pittance to keep track of them.”
“Hm,” Luna mused, “I’m not sure if we should count Sunset Shimmer. She did reject the title.”
“Alicorn…” Celestia waved one hoof lackadaisically about her head, “… Princess… it’s the same thing, so I’d count her…”
“Excuse me?” another voice, much younger and higher than either Alicorn sister picked up from the row behind the three.
Celestia and Luna turned around, and in the seats directly behind them sat what appeared to be an older earth stallion with a greyscale mane, and a much younger pegasus mare with a purple coat and blue mane with a pink stripe. It was this younger mare who had spoken up, and from what the Royal Sisters could see, that had been a very unpopular decision.
“Wind Sprint!” the older stallion looked like his eyes were about to leave his skull, “You’re gonna get us sent to the moon!”
“Dad, chill,” she replied, her eyes never leaving the Alicorns sitting in front of her.
“May we help you?” Celestia asked, with as much sweetness as she could muster.
The young mare pointed a hoof at Celestia, “Yeah, you can tie up that crazy mane or lean to one side. Some of us want to see the game!”
Celestia wasn’t entirely sure she heard that correctly, “I… what?”
“They don’t have Daring Do books on the moon,” Wind Sprint’s (step)father stared into space, ironically in the metaphorical sense, “Though I suppose that means the bad ones will also not be there… oh, but the compendium…?”
“You heard me,” Wind Sprint frowned, then pointed at Luna, “At least she’s wearing a hat to keep that thing under control. How are you doing that anyway? And why would you cosplay as Princess Cadance?”
Grogar made a noise that was, if he were asked by a judge, emphatically not a laugh or guffaw. He merely inhaled a bit of caramel popcorn. While laughing. At Celestia’s expense. Grogar was, admittedly, bad with authority figures that weren’t his own.
Celestia frowned, “I’m not cosplaying, whatever that is. I am Celestia. Princess Celestia. Your former ruler? For over one-thousand years?”
Wind Sprint crossed her forelegs, “And, LARPer? What have you done for us lately?”
“… I wonder if Clear Sky will be able to handle the twins on her own…?”
Celestia turned to her sister, and said in a flat, unamused tone, “I’m going to get a hat. If Grogar does anything to my seat while I’m gone… I’ll send you both to the moon.”
Once the former Solar Diarch had made her sulking exit, Luna turned back around in her seat.
“So, Quibble? How are things? I missed you at the last convention.”
Quibble Pants folded himself into a fetal-position on his seat, whimpering, “And the next thousand…”
While the majority of the coliseum seats were perfectly practical and uniform in every way, solid wood-construction with soft-ish plastic pads set down for everycreatures’ relative comfort, just above the field of play itself sat a luxurious rainbow-silk-covered podium, where now sat the most important ponies in all of Equestria, whether they wanted to be there or not.
“Dag nabit!” Applejack growled in frustration, “I was jes’ about ta git back to work! The whole south field needs tendin’ today!”
Rainbow Dash, sitting beside her, playfully checked out the cushy, throne-like seats they’d been provided. “Eh, you work too hard, sugarcube,” she grinned slyly at the use of the old Apple nickname, “And a little Buckball is good for you.”
“That’s playin’, Dash. Not watchin’.”
Dash smirked, “Maybe… but looks like Apple Bloom is selling some chocolate-apple-fritters at concessions.”
Applejack spun her head around… and then smiled broadly when she noted the food prices.
“… Alright, one game ain’t gonna bother the trees none…”
An explosion of confetti blew out over the podium at that moment. After so long, none of the ponies in the box even flinched as Pinkie Pie began her spree of whooping and hollering.
“Go Cheese! Go Pearl! Go Anarchy!” The eternally-pink mare paused in midair as she said this, and looked over towards Twilight, who took up the most central space and the nicest throne, “Is it weird that I’m one of Equestria’s leaders but I sound like I’m advocating mass hysteria and lawlessness?”
Rarity, admiring the seats they’d been given herself, merely replied, “How is that different from how you usually behave, darling?”
“Hee hee! Good point Rares! Down with the Mare! Down with the Mare! Let’s burn this heifer down!!!”
Twilight Sparkle just sighed at the insanity of it all. Then, she turned to her left and looked down at the only pony there she wouldn’t immediately call her friend.
“Prince Blueblood,” she said without any sort of enthusiasm whatsoever, “Glad you could join us.”
“I…” the Prince sat on a tiny, plastic chair not unlike one that might grace a foal’s tea party, and was almost as bewildered by that as he was at being somehow teleported all the way from Canterlot Palace to this Ponyville sports arena.
“I’m not… quite sure what just happened.”
“Discord,” Twilight sighed, “Discord happened. Apparently, Anarchy, Cheese, and Pearl are playing a foal’s Buckball game against some of their classmates, and that somehow warranted the entire population of Ponyville, and ourselves, to be dragged away from more important matters to satisfy his all-consuming ego.”
“Ah.” Blueblood’s face hadn’t changed in the slightest.
“I do hope you weren’t in the middle of anything too important?”
Blueblood worked his jaw for several seconds before answering, “I think we’ll be at war with Saddle Arabia and Griffonstone if this match lasts longer than an hour.”
Twilight didn’t bat an eye. “Oh… good…”
Another thought came suddenly to the Prince.
“Did… did you say Pearl…?”
“Pearl? Pearl!?”
The unicorn finally snapped out of her daze, and looked away from the towering coliseum towards her teammate, Cheese. They both were wearing sports-vests colored half blue and half red, with a single gold badge or shield emblazoned on the front, and alongside Ann and Flawless and her friends, they appeared to now be standing on a Buckball field, in a massive stadium of cheering fans.
“Ch-Cheese?” her voice shook, “Where are we?”
Cheese, still smiling, looked around briefly, and then took a deep draw of air into his lungs...
“Discord,” he said, almost quietly. Cheese then let out a long, exhaling breath.
Pearl narrowed her eyes at the pink-maned colt, “I… yes, that would appear to be the case. Thank you for snapping me out of that, by the way.”
“No problem,” Cheese nodded. Then, with a slight twitch to his eye and a frown forming in spite of his high spirits… he looked over his shoulder, saying, “Now… could you help me snap her out of it too?”
Ann sat at the edge of the outer ring. Her wings lay forgotten at her side, and her eyes darted to and fro with all the shaky, jumpy energy that sheer Panic could bring to her defense. Her mouth silently worded her thoughts as she raced through them.
Eyes, eyes, eyes, too many eyes, so many eyes, every-eye judging, judging, so many eyes, not a Buckball player, not good enough, not a pony, not a pony, don’t look, don’t look, don’t look, eyes, eyes, eyes…
She couldn’t really hear Pearl or Cheese telling her to ‘snap out of it’, nor could she feel them rock her back and forth with their hooves to get her attention. Ann couldn’t focus. She couldn’t see or hear anything. It was a world of eyeballs, and there were suddenly hundreds of them looking at her.
Along the edge of the playing field, somecreature… Discord, obviously, had carved a dugout just large enough to seat a single row of ponies and pony-sized creatures that wrapped its way around the field. They were extraordinarily nice seats, perfect for the front row. And among the creatures who currently took up a spot in that most-coveted place, a yellow pegasus and notable Draconequus started to worry.
“Oh dear,” Fluttershy reached up to her muzzle with her hooves, “She looks so nervous out there! Maybe this was a bad idea…”
Discord lay next to her, his serpentine form too long to sit in the space provided, with his head supported by his ‘hands’. “I was wondering why you of all ponies wanted to do this. It just doesn’t seem… you.”
Fluttershy looked down, her ears flat, “I thought… I thought maybe she’d take after you and… enjoy the spotlight. I’ve never seen her freeze like this.”
A paw settled atop her mane, drawing her eyes up to Discord’s own. The same eyes as Anarchy.
“There’s a difference between being a star,” he smirked, “and being a clown. I excel at the latter. And I wouldn’t wish that on Ann’s worst enemy.” There was a tenderness to Discord’s voice that hadn’t been there before, almost had no place being there.
And yet, Fluttershy could feel it… and it stung like a Flash Bee.
“I just didn’t want her to miss out on anything,” Fluttershy sighed, “I spent so much of my life being afraid of living. But she’s so scared now! It’s all my fault…”
“Possibly,” Discord nodded, “But then, we’re one-for-one on that score. And didn’t you tell me you would never have discovered your special talent if you hadn’t been pushed out of the nest?”
“… it was a cloud…”
Discord pressed a talon to her mouth, to forestall any more talk. “All I’m saying is that Ann needs to… shall we say… test her wings?”
Neither spoke in the relative silence that followed. Fluttershy smiled, faintly, and Discord drank in that smile he loved so much.
Then, there was a cough. Both turned, and saw a mare and stallion that seemed eerily familiar. The gold-coated mare with a ruby mane was Flawless’s mother, the blue stallion with the emerald-and-white mane her father.
Neither looked completely altogether at the moment.
Facet Glimmer tilted her head towards the center of the arena, one eye twitching. “Is… is this really happening?”
“We’re just curious on account of the whole… teleportation thing,” Prussian Blue waved his hoof about his head to indicate everything around him. Despite the green-and-blue face paint, which Discord had magically applied to him, Prussian certainly did not strike Discord as much of a sports fan so much as he was a pony who occasionally noted that sports existed.
Prussian did, however, take a long, calming sip of a soda pop in his lap. He then squinted, pointed a hoof out towards the field, and asked, “Is that Flawless?”
“Hey!” Flawless called out to the Crusaders, “Are we doing this, or what?”
She, Dib, and Beauregard stood just to one side of the Buckball inner circle. The boys were clearly overawed by the crowds, but Flawless’s coat shone with that crystal sheen her tribe were known for, glistening like she was a literal gem carved into the shape of a pony. She was eating up the attention.
Flawless Gem was in her element.
Which was more than could be said for Ann, who even now shivered in fear while sitting on her haunches, forelegs wrapped around her head in a desperate attempt to keep the eyes at bay. Even with Cheese and Pearl there, even with Shady, Moon, and Goldie up and out of the dugout seats to surround her, it looked like nothing was getting through.
Silver Spoon hated seeing that. She hadn’t much cared for this whole competition, seeing it as just an extension of all the problems she’d been dealing with between these foals who should have been friends. But now seeing it take an emotional toll on her students had put her off the idea entirely.
And that wasn’t even because she found herself dressed as a referee.
“Alright,” she said, eyeing her whistle dubiously, “That’s enough of that. I’m calling it…”
Flawless’s head snapped to her teacher with a glare to match any griffin, “WHAT!?”
Silver Spoon had dealt with that look before. Usually from parents, but the principle was the same. She was not intimidated.
“I’m not about to let Discord’s need for aggrandizement and your petty little rivalry cause any more emotional damage to one of my students, Flawless. You’ll just have…”
“One side!” the filly brushed past her teacher like she’d been doing it professionally. She began stalking towards the small mass of ponies and creatures huddled around the freak.
How dare she lose her nerve now?
The crowd clearly hadn’t figured out what was going on yet, as the din in the arena was almost impossible to hear over. But so close, Flawless could pick up most of what was being said. And the more she heard, the angrier the crystal pony became.
“…it’s gonna be alright Ann…”
“…come on, like you told me…”
“…you don’t have to do this…”
And the angrier she became, the more Flawless began to focus. How else to solve a problem? Focus. Focus, effort, and a game plan.
Guess it’s up to me… go for offense…
“Hey!” she shouted as she neared the Crusaders, “Blank Flanks!”
Five creatures turned to look where that had come from, followed by five frowns. Most were simply shocked to see Flawless so close.
Ann hadn’t even flinched, still watching the crowd with a vacant, wide-eyed expression.
“But…” Cheese frowned, “I already have my Cutie Mark…?”
Flawless saw the play, and intercepted.
“Sorry, Little Cheese,” she sneered, “I meant to say, ‘Blank Flanks, and Blank Brain!’”
Pearl Rose’s face turned about as pink as the swirl in her mane, and she advanced on Flawless with a howl in her wake, furious words on her lips. Flawless hardly paid her any attention.
Ann’s ear had flicked. Just a bit, but Flawless could tell when someone was listening.
Press the advantage.
She flicked her head in just such a way so that her braid whipped around to flick Pearl on the snout, and huffed, “Go tell it to the butler, Snob! Why are you even here, slumming it with these losers?”
Pearl came up, eyes wide, but whatever she’d been saying had died in her throat. There might have even been tears.
Bit strong, her gut warned, dial it back. Don’t get socked before she…
Ann was watching though… good…
“Don’t…” Ann started, slowly, cautiously. It was clear she was still thinking about the hundreds of ponies and creatures looking down at them, instead of the one pony she should have been watching.
Eye on the ball…
But as Flawless went in for the goal, a strangely quiet voice piped up. And despite how quiet it was, there was something in it that carried the sound over the other, deeply unhappy ponies before her.
“Um, Flawless? That’s not being nice,” Goldie sat up with her wings splayed out, cutting a much more imposing figure than the timid little thing had any right to be, “We’re… we’re all friends here, right?”
“Lay an egg, Goldie,” she shot back, more irritation at the interruption than a calculated strike.
Moon and Shady both stepped forward, bared fangs flashing for the former, and a flickering blue flame on the latter’s brow as the Kirin ignited. They said nothing, letting their presence speak volumes for their support for their friends.
Admirable, Flawless admitted, but not a part of the plan. And with Teacher closing in behind, the game clock is winding down. Time for the Hail Luna pass…
“Seriously Ann,” she leaned over to catch a glimpse of the Ponequus, who was now narrowing her ghastly yellow eyes towards Flawless perfectly, “Where did you pick up so many friends this stupid? These two didn’t even have comebacks!”
“Don’t talk about my fwiends like that…”
It wasn’t loud, like a shout. No, it was hardly above a whisper. But there was something about Ann’s voice that caused a chill to run down Flawless’s spine. No fear showed on her face, but for a moment she remembered just who she was antagonizing.
Open goal, push…
“I’m sorry,” she put a smirk she didn’t quite feel, “Did I huwt youw fwiends’ feewings?”
Ann stood up. “I said, don’t talk about them like that.”
“Or what?” Flawless tried to push as much venom into those two words as she could, knowing she had to lay the bait now.
“Or… or I’ll…” the Ponequus started walking, slowly up to Flawless, eyes narrowing as she closed the distance.
Flawless took a step forward as well, just to keep the momentum going.
Shoot for the goal!
“You wanna beat me?”
Ann almost hesitated. “Yes,” she growled.
“At Buckball?” Flawless’s nose was inches from her foe’s.
“Yes…”
“Right here?” a raised eyebrow, plus a renewed smirk offensive, “Right now? In front of a thousand eyes?”
“Wight hewe,” Ann almost snarled, eyes boring into Flawless’s from inches away, “Wight now!”
The others took a step back. The air was tense, like somecreature had played a low, low note on a large and powerful instrument, and that the air itself was vibrating with the tension. At any moment, reality could have snapped and nocreature would have noticed. The Ponequus and the Pony stood nose-to-nose, sharing a glare that could have started fires…
Point Match Set…
Flawless smiled, and in the genuine voice of a happy filly, cried, “Alright! Let’s play!” She turned swiftly, practically spinning on one hoof, and trotted merrily back to her teammates, leaving Ann somewhat floundering.
“I… what?” she blinked. “What just happened?”
Cheese, at her side instantly, laid a hoof on Ann’s shoulder. “I have no idea. Mom says fillies don’t make a lot of sense… and I guess she’d know…”
“That was… certainly a thing that happened,” Pearl concurred, lightly tapping her chin with a hoof, “Though I wonder. She changed her tune quickly there, like she’d gotten what she wanted…”
Moon shrugged with his wings, “Eh, who cares what Flawless thinks. You guys got this.”
Ann snorted. “Y-yeah… Yeah!” she said, then with more conviction, “We got this!”
Goldie pawed at the ground, “You sure? You’re not… upset about the ‘eyes’ thing?”
“Please,” Ann shook her head, a fire flaring in her heart as she said, “Wight now, the only thing I can think about is beating Flawless and hew pals!”
The teams finally faced off. Cheese and Flawless took their places in the inner ring, one lightly jittering with excitement, the other as still as glass. In between them stood their teacher, Miss Silver Spoon, sporting the black-and-white referee uniform and whistle, and giving Flawless a curious, knowing look as she began the final pregame ritual.
“Alright,” she said, her voice… somehow being transmitted through the speakers set up all over the coliseum, “While I don’t approve of all this pomp and circumstance, I suppose there’s no stopping this now. So, I want a good, clean game. No Griffon-Ball, and no Slap-Apple…”
Over at the podium, Rainbow Dash hoof-pumped and cheered when she heard her names for the Buckball variant rules read out.
“First to ten points is the winner, with a five-minute halftime at five points,” Silver Spoon finished. And then, she held out the ball on the end of her hoof. A noise went up from the crowd as she did so, a low sound like a vibration. It picked up in intensity until it was a rumble, and then a thunder.
And within seconds, the entire population of Ponyville was stamping their hooves in a riotous cacophony.
Ann leapt up, and began hovering with easy flaps of her wings. Dib, buzzing with a soft drone of his wings, noted how steady she floated there, almost like facing another Changeling, or… with those wings, a Batpony. He shook his head, and blinked away the fleeting feeling of panic.
Sure, Batponies ate insects. But that didn’t include Changelings… right?
Beauregard hefted his bucket, colored in the green and blue of his team… though when they decided that he wasn’t entirely sure of… in the aura of his magic, and spared a brief glance over to his opposite. Pearl matched his glance, her own team-colored bucket held aloft in her magical grip, and gave the colt a slight nod accompanied by a respectful glow from her horn.
He gave one back, and grinned. Maybe this would be fun after all.
“Good luck,” Cheese mouthed to Flawless, not being able to actually hear over the furious din of the crowd.
The crystal pony nodded.
And then, the ball was loose. It leapt up from Silver Spoon’s hoof into the air, silencing the crowd in an instant, all their breath held tight in their chests.
It came down, the crowd waiting to see if they could exhale again.
Cheese, powered by the irrepressible might of a sugar-high and his mother’s inherited sense of the bizarre, the strange, and the uncanny, was already leaping to meet it, his body seemingly uncoiling like a rubber spring being launched from a party cannon. His hindleg rocketed to the ball…
But Flawless was faster.
Her jab was calculated, and swift. It sent the ball clear over Cheese’s head, in a straight shot at the goal. Ann, startled at the sheer speed of the ball, lost precious inches in altitude as her wings briefly froze in place.
By the time she recovered, nanoseconds later, the ball had sunk into Beauregard’s bucket, and a point for the Crystal Gems was scored.
The crowd exploded.
“Oh no! Right off the hoof, we have a One-Oh game!” the echoing voice of Scootaloo belted out over the coliseum speakers, though whether anycreature could hear her was up for serious academic debate.
Not that she cared too much. Scootaloo was happy enough to hear herself talk. And sitting up in the hot-air balloon… albeit one with a huge ‘Discord’ face on the side… gave her what she considered the best seats in the whole house. She could see everything without needing to bend her neck around someone else, and she could pretend she was flying!
Too bad about the other announcer, however.
“Like, such violent aggression,” Tree Hugger bemoaned, “This ‘game’ is leading to the collapse of our society, ya know?”
“I…” Scootaloo crinkled her nose, “What?”
“It’s counterwaving the harmonious chill-vibes our young ones need to balance out their chakras(?)”
Scootaloo wasn’t sure if there was a question at the end of that statement… all she was sure of was that this seat was looking more and more like it absolutely wasn’t the best seat in the house.
Second round, things looked a little better.
In that anything better than tragically-awful would be considered ‘better’. Cheese was truly, completely shocked at how Flawless moved. He was a fairly light-limbed colt for his age, which only made him bouncier and wilder when combined with his bubbly personality and nascent Pie-sense. He’d never had a problem keeping up with anything. He wasn’t sure if that was something to do with all the cupcakes he ate, or that weird thing his mom brought up once in a while called The Ponk (always capitalized, always in italics).
Flawless was taller. She was skinnier. And Cheese wasn’t sure, but by the way she kicked, he would swear… so long as his Mom and her bar of soap weren’t present… that she was much stronger than he was. And it only took a second kick for him to realize how outclassed he was at this.
Said second kick sailed right past him, Cheese only getting the lightest graze on it with his hoof. And even that didn’t matter as Ann was taken off-guard by its speed. The game was twenty seconds old, and they were already down two points.
Yeah… Flawless was unstoppable. Cheese could see Pearl on the other side of the field clearly wracking her mind for a strategy that could pull them out of this mess, but as smart as he knew she was, it wouldn’t help if they got knocked into an unrecoverable deficit this fast.
Cheese glanced over his shoulder at Ann. She was still airborne, but it was clear in her face and in how she flapped around that she was shaken. All that confidence that… well, that Flawless had brute-forced into the Ponequus was vanishing as quickly as the crowds around Sugarcube Corner when Cheese had last tried to cook something on his own.
But Cheese didn’t need a fire brigade to show up this time. He needed to reignite a flame. Ann needed that… that…
“Ann!” he shouted, startling Silver Spoon for a moment as she was about to launch the ball again.
Ann gave him a confused look, mixed with the creeping shame that had been building for two brief rounds of Buckball as she let those point fly away.
Cheese grinned, hopefully in a way that would lift her spirit up.
“Angry Music!!!” he shouted again, and then spun back around to square off with a bemused opponent.
As the ball flew up again, Ann’s eyes widened.
As it came down, she smiled… no, she grinned…
Cheese got a hoof out in time, redirecting a Flawlessly struck ball to the side. It bounced once, then right into Dib’s own hooves. The Changeling sent it back, allowing Flawless to gracefully smack it over Cheese’s head and straight towards another easy goal.
Which was when a pink-and-black blur spun out in front of the ball. It disappeared into an instant-cyclone, and came whipping back out from the tip of Ann’s tail, a triumphant snarl on her face.
Fire in her eyes.
Flawless saw the fire.
She flinched.
The ball struck the field, and Flawless leapt for the intercept on the uptick. Cheese shot out a hoof, seemingly too slow to get under it… except that in the next instant, Flawless recognized what was happening.
Cheese kicked the ball down, rebounding on the hard field again, and sailing straight through Flawless’s legs, and under Dib, who couldn’t drop fast enough to stop it. The ball crashed into Pearl’s bucket, and a roar went up through the crowd.
A scoreboard across from the podium flashed: One-Two.
The Crusaders were on the board.
In the dugout, Discord wrapped up Fluttershy in his arms, the two spinning around in a laughter-whirlwind as Goldie, Moon, and Shady stomped their claws and hooves and cheered on. But their merriment could not be compared to the beaming smiles on Pearl and Cheese’s face as a spark of hope ignited within them.
Nor could it compare to Ann, who made absolutely sure that Flawless was looking at her when she let loose with a terrible cry that echoed with the Metal that filled her soul…
“I! AM! IRON MARE!!!”
“Not that I’m biased,” Scootaloo drawled slightly into the microphone, “but it is awesome to see the Cutie Mark Crusaders on the scoreboard!”
Tree Hugger nodded, and added, “Little Anny sure has a lot of her mother’s spirit in her, that’s for sure. It’s cool to see.”
“Don’t you think she’s counter-something the harmony of Pony society?”
“She, like, can be more than one thing at a time, mah dude.”
“… I’m a mare.”
“Like… you can be whatever you want to be, dude.”
Pearl Rose remembered one of her Papa’s lessons quite keenly as she tried to keep abreast of the developing situation on the field. Well, perhaps it was not, strictly speaking her Papa’s lesson so much as it was a lesson by a tutor hired by her Papa, but she began recalling it in detail now.
“Sun Zoo said,” she could hear the tutor’s voice in her mind as clear as it had been back then, “’Strike where your enemy is weak, and retreat where she is strong’.”
So, she thought as Flawless sent another hard shot across the center, Where are you weak?
Flawless was… well, she was flawless. A born athlete. While Pearl liked Cheese, his heart had never been in the game, and despite his pedigree…
Well, perfection is the enemy of good, they say. Cheese was good, great even. But he was up against a monster. He could keep up, but only just.
Pearl, on the other hoof, felt she was quite nearly paired with the Changeling Dib. He was light, quick, and speedy. The only openings she could find were whenever Ann or Cheese launched a low-shot past Flawless, it being a lot more difficult to lose altitude as quickly as it was to gain, but even then, it wasn’t by much.
Beauregard was a brute, she had to say, in terms of magic. Pearl noted with no small amount of pride that her magical control was quite advanced for her age, but his telekinetic grip was clearly stronger, if not far cruder. Pearl could match Dib’s movements with her magic, allowing her to get a good angle here or there. Beauregard seemed like he could either hold the bucket aloft or hurl it to the side, no chance to redirect or control his angles.
That just left Ann. And to Pearl, she was brilliant right now! She didn’t quite understand the physics behind it, but Ann’s wings gave her a range of motion and control similar to Dib, which put her in the position to outpace Beauregard’s clumsy attempts at keeping his bucket open. If Flawless wasn’t just that good, the Crusaders might be ahead by this point.
Which was only punctuated again, as another ball fell into Beauregard’s bucket, grazing the tip of Ann’s wing as it went in. Three-and-one was not an ideal place to be.
It was time for a plan.
While Miss Silver Spoon prepared for the next toss, Pearl shouted to her teammates.
“Cheese! Gumdrops!”
That drew a raised eyebrow… or whatever chitinous substitute Dib’s kind had for eyebrows, from the Changeling. No matter, the sprightly pink-maned earth pony saluted with a determined gleam in his eye, assuring her he knew what was needed.
Ann winked, acknowledging the plan, and then set herself into a determined scowl.
The ball careened past Cheese, who hadn’t even tried to go for it at the toss-up. He seemed totally absorbed in checking his hooves and polishing them on his chest. Flawless gave him a curious look, suspicion slowly trickling in.
Ann caught the ball with her whole wing, like she’d done at practice, and spun herself around in the air like a gyrocopter blade, instantly becoming a whirlwind of Ponequus color before heaving the ball back from whence it came. It practically sizzled as it rebounded off the field by an impassive Cheese’s haunch and sailed past a startled Flawless and a confused Dib.
The ‘pegasus’ couldn’t score like that without the Slap-Apple rules. But Ann wasn’t looking to score.
The ball bounced off Pearl’s bucket as she spun it about and slapped it back towards center. Flawless, expecting a ‘foul’ call for the ball leaving field, still nearly got a hoof out in time to intercept. Nearly. Almost. Not quite.
Cheese had leapt back into action, giving the ball a straight buck with his hindlegs that sent it off at yet another angle. Dib had zipped to one side to block Pearl’s bucket, only to see at the last instant that the ball went off in the other direction, sinking neatly into the bucket held far away from where Pearl stood, a triumphant smile on her lips.
The crowd rumbled in appreciation for the play. Three-two, Crystal Gems. But not for long.
“That…” Rainbow Dash’s jaw started to hurt hanging down as it was, “That… was… AWESOME!!!”
Applejack slapped her knee as she laughed, “Hoo WEE! That sure were somethin’!”
“Did you see that pass!?” Dash was up and out of her seat, wings flapping madly in her excitement, “I knew that filly had what it takes!”
Applejack smirked, and cast a look up at her partner, “I thought you didn’t much care for her?”
Dash landed besides Applejack and wrapped one hoof around her shoulders, “Nah! She’s fine. And she plays Buckball, so what’s not to like?”
“Eeyup,” Applejack chuckled, “Heck, all of them could probably have whupped us if’n we played ‘em at their age.”
Rainbow Dash shook her head, “Yeah, story of our lives, right? You basically invented the game, and we keep bumping into Pies and Shys who could trounce us at it.”
That got a true laugh out of the Apple matriarch, snorting and near-cackling in her seat. But soon, she had herself back under control, and the two simply held onto one another as they watched the next round begin.
“I want one,” Dash whispered.
Applejack snorted again, “I ain’t lettin’ Discord touch either of us jes’ to have a foal, Dash. No-how. No-way.”
“Aw, c’mon!” the Wonderbolt captain nudged her in the side, “Zap Apple would be the coolest Farmer-slash-Wonderbolt who ever lived!”
“Dashie, I…” Applejack raised an eyebrow, “Zap Apple?”
“Yeah…”
“… You named it?”
It was adorable, in Applejack’s opinion, to see a bright red blush on her cyan pegasus’ face. But before another word could pass between them, the sound of a ball clattering against wood echoed through the stadium.
Four-two, Crystal Gems.
There wasn’t a whole lot for Cheese to really do, at the moment. The game was largely running by itself at this point, and he’d already accepted that he just couldn’t compete at Flawless’s level enough to be more than a speedbump in her path. So, while he surrendered his body over to that strange, ineffable force his Mom called his Pie Sense… and once tearfully wondered aloud where he could hear it that it might ‘be The Ponk’… Cheese’s mind was preoccupied with other things.
This is stupid, we should be friends with Flawless! Why can’t Ann and Pearl see that? It’s like Mom says about that Sun Zoo guy; winning a hundred battles isn’t excellent, making friends without fighting is.
The ball grazed his left ear just enough to leave a burn. He noted it, and filed that away for later consideration.
Wow, Flawless isn’t playing around, which is a silly statement since all we’re doing is playing a game. Then again, Mom and Dad keep telling me that games are the most important part about parties, since they bring everycreature together with an activity, which I guess Buckball is, but still… oh hey! They’ve got smoothies in the concession stand! I wonder if I can get one at half-time…?
His Pie Sense, that ultra-instinct, guided Cheese’s hindleg around in a solid roundhouse kick that redirected another ball passed by Ann. He idly watched it sail away while his mind continued thinking about more interesting things.
Boy… Ann’s getting pretty good at this. She’s pretty great, all things considered. She’s pretty great at playing, pretty great at eating ice cream and shakes and cupcakes, pretty… uh, um, pretty good at… pretty.
Friends can be pretty, right…?
…
Wait, is the crowd cheering? Did we score?
“Little Cheese with a righteous kick and the goal! And the score is Four-Three, with the Crusaders coming back with a vengeance!! Like, can these little dudes do it? Can they do it!? I THINK THEY CAN!!!”
“… Tree Hugger?” Scootaloo nudged her co-announcer, gently, like she might if she were trying to get an angry Manticore’s attention, “Um… you okay?”
The older pony idly played with one of her long, red-grey locks. She didn’t look over to the younger pegasus.
“I… might have to do some chakra realigning later…”
The next round started with a vengeance. When the ball came down from the toss-up, Flawless and Cheese were both ready to meet it with a hard hindkick. The ball pinched between them, firing back into the air, starting a free-for-all between both teams’ ‘pegasi’ players.
Ann and Dib met in the air, all four hooves meeting at the ball simultaneously. The crowd watched, mouths agape as the two children swatted and clawed at the leather Buckball, neither able to wrestle it away from the other.
The Changeling gave his wings an extra hard buzz, coming up just high enough to get more of his weight down on the ball, and finally broke the struggle with a hard head-butt to spike the ball…
Directly into Ann’s long, pink-and-black tail, which hung below her. She gave him a smirk and a wink, and then flicked the ball back down towards her side of the field with a bit of a forward spin on it. The ball hit the field behind Cheese, but the spin carried it from there over to the little colt, who sent it on its way with a backflip and a kick.
Dib, too high up to intercept, watched helplessly as the score became Four-Four.
“Hm,” Rarity hummed.
“Hm?” Princess Twilight, one eye on the game and one on a stack of paperwork she’d teleported in, hummed back in question.
Rarity shook her head lightly, “Oh, nothing dear. I was just… thinking.”
“Uh huh,” Twilight looked over the next form in front of her, quickly signing off on a spending bill meant to fund Equestria through Nightmare Night, before giving her friend all of her attention, “Thinking about what?”
Rarity said nothing, but Twilight had gotten good at this sort of thing, and just needed to follow where her friend’s eyes were pointing.
“Pearl Rose?” she asked.
Rarity shrugged, “It’s a bit odd to see… well, one of Blueblood’s own kicking up dirt with commoners, you know. Playing Buckball.”
Her eyes drifted over to said Prince Blueblood. He stood stock-still, forehooves up on the podium railing, and had done so since the game started. If he moved now, Rarity thought, she’d be surprised to not hear a bone or muscle pop out of place.
“We all have our little surprises,” Twilight smiled, one eye drifting back towards a form for ordering new dragon-scaled armor for the guard… the dragons in the guard needing armor of a different fit, naturally, “And I’d think you of all ponies would appreciate how far the apple might fall from the tree.”
Applejack swiveled her head halfway around at the mention of her namesake, but something Rainbow Dash said to the farmpony kept her out of the conversation.
“You’re not wrong, darling,” Rarity said, eyes still on the Prince, “But you have to admit, some trees are more… egregious than others.”
“She takes after her mother, thankfully,” Blueblood said without turning back, in the same tone of voice one might use to comment on the weather.
Rarity’s irises narrowed to pinpricks, and one hoof covered her swiftly reddening face. “Oh my… I beg your pardon for my boorish language just then…”
“Yes, yes,” he waved an idle hoof in her general direction, “Understood. Think nothing of it.”
The Princess and her friend shared a brief, confused glance before Rarity hopped off her throne and walked over to the usually tempestuous Prince. Which suited Twilight just fine, as more forms apparated before her in dragonflame, including a final notice on which statues would be on presentation in the Royal Canterlot Statue Garden this season, and she happily went about checking them off… though with one eye still on the situation at hoof.
“I truly am sorry, Your Highness,” Rarity slipped easily into the most customer-appeasing tone of voice she could, “It was impossibly rude of me to comment like that. I let my… my past experiences cloud my better judgement. I humbly…”
Whatever Rarity planned to say, it was instantly forgotten as a Buckball slapped against the railing of the podium, filling the space with a loud, metallic ring. Despite not being able to hear for several seconds, she could tell by Applejack’s gesticulations that the first ‘foul ball’ of the game had finally happened, and by Ann’s distant beet-red face that she’d put a little too much spin into her last pass.
Rarity shook herself, and once she was certain that her hearing had returned, she attempted to continue.
“Er… what I was trying to say was…”
Blueblood cocked his head slightly towards the stammering mare, and perhaps for the first time in minutes broke his gaze away from the field. “Miss Rarity, it’s quite alright.”
“I-Is it?” she smiled, chagrined.
“Not really,” he shrugged, “You were indeed quite rude. And insulting a member of the Peerage? It’d be a scandal for anypony else.”
Blueblood turned back towards the game, leaving Rarity to sputter silently. But between her eye twitching, and her tongue catching on a dozen different scathing comebacks, she’d given him time to think.
“You weren’t necessarily wrong, however…” he finally said, eyes locked to the game and a smile upon his lips, carefully concealed by his mustache. “Merely… uncouth.”
While Rarity stood, watching Blueblood with a far more critical eye than she’d ever given him before, he pouted and sighed. “She needs to take the initiative.”
“Pardon?”
“My Pearl,” the Prince nodded towards his daughter, and Rarity pulled herself up to the podium railing besides him, “She’s letting that Changeling colt, er, nymph… whatever, run her ragged. She needs to start pushing, instead of reacting.”
Rarity glanced out at the game. They’d been going at it for a solid minute-and-a-half since the foul ball, seemingly an eternity in game-time. The players were starting to show signs that the game was wearing on them, and normally Rarity would be sweating in sympathy with the poor dears…
Except that the crowd had fallen nearly silent. Nearly. Chatter was almost nonexistent, but a slowly building clatter of hooves began to shake the stadium. Rarity could see Pinkie leaping back and forth through the aisles all the way across the sea of ponies… she even thought Pinkie was in more than one spot at a time… driving the audience with her typical exuberance. Stoking the sports-fan-fire in every heart.
The chorus of hooves was the safest way the crowd could release their excitement. If they cheered right now, the whole of Ponyville would go hoarse in an afternoon.
Pinkie would have giggled incessantly at that, Rarity noted.
The energy was incredible. Rarity would never admit to it, being a unicorn of high class and style… but it felt like watching that last game of Hoofball her father played, back when he was a young, powerful stallion, and she was the proudest filly to watch her father play the sport he loved.
Her inquisitive eyes thus opened, Rarity said, “Perhaps always pushing is a mistake? One might dictate the pace of a dance…”
“Or a Gala,” Blueblood offered.
“Or a Gala,” Rarity smiled slightly at that, “But in an act more… confrontational, let’s say, to remain reactive might instead be…”
Pearl, having spent the match being chased around the outer edge of play by a single-minded Dib, suddenly juked left as her bucket leapt right, catching the Changeling out of play. She had to send the ball back with a hard kick, it having gone left as well, but for the next several seconds Dib did not zero in so closely to the unicorn.
“… strategy,” Rarity finished with a grin.
Blueblood said nothing, at first. He took a deep breath, and held it for a moment before he responded, “Indeed. I wish I’d paid attention to… strategy when I was younger. I’m not completely oblivious to your ire with me,” he turned an eye back to Rarity, and for the first time she could see something beyond a pompous brat standing proud of nothing in the halls of a gala.
“But if I had figured that out a little earlier…” his voice trailed off. The Prince visibly sagged for a moment, but it was only a passing shadow. He rose back up, eyes returned to his Princess.
“I don’t care if it’s a ‘peasant game’, Rarity,” he whispered, “If Pearl Rose is to play it, if she’s to be a,” he spat the next words, “Buckball Player… then she will be the best! She’s a Blueblood! As long as she follows her heart, I couldn’t be prouder…”
Pearl juked. Dib dived… only to see Pearl and her bucket together, with a Buckball clattering on home.
As Gems and Crusaders made for the dugouts rimming the arena, where juice, snacks, water, and friends and family awaited, there was a notable flash of white, magical light that filled the center of the field. The audience, already pushing, shoving, and borderline riotous to reach the restrooms, barely paused to take notice.
But that didn’t mean that nopony missed the resulting sight.
“I don’t believe it!” Scootaloo’s voice blared over the sound-system, “Ponyville! We got a real treat for your halftime game today!”
“Aright!” Tree Hugger seemed to agree, “It looks like we have the Royal Yakyakistani Cheer Squad. They’re like, so in-tune with their inner-selves. We can all learn something from their example.”
“And it looks like they’re being led by none other than the one…” Scootaloo’s voice got low, “… the only… Ponyville’s best singing-voice! Sweetie Belle!!!”
Sweetie Belle indeed stood at the head of thirty yaks, all dressed in Ponyville’s colors, and her in a corresponding marching outfit, complete with a hat and baton held in her magical aura.
She… did not seem amused.
“I’m not doing this,” she said simply, dropping her baton and swiftly making her way for the concessions before Pinkie devastated the local food supply… again.
The yaks, clearly not expecting this, shared confused looks.
Until one decided to speak up.
“If Pony not lead Yaks in Cheer… then Yaks lead Yaks… in SMASHING!!!”
The dull roar of thirty yaks leaping up and down in non-synchronized stamping provided a strange sort of calming ambience for Ann as she, Cheese, and Pearl greedily sucked down water bottles hoofed out to them by their friends. Cheese poured half his bottle out onto his own head, while the other two drank like they’d been led to water.
“You guys are amazing out there!” Goldie squealed, “I never realized how much fun a non-Griffon-Ball match could be!”
“What’s diffewent about Gwiffon-Ball?” Ann asked before she knocked a whole bottle of ice-cold water back.
“It’s also called ‘Full-Contact’ Buckball,” Shady rolled his eyes. “Dragons like Griffon-Style, but they also play Hoard, which drags games out for weeks…”
“Isn’t that just Keep-away?” Cheese asked, his mane sucking up water like a sponge.
“Full-contact keep-away,” Discord grinned, drifting above the foals as a Discord-colored cloud and quietly raining CMC flags, jerseys, and pins on anycreature not on the team, “where points are scored by concussions and a lack of Buckballs found per day. I personally find it a fascinating variant. But then again, I’m also a fascinating variant…” he cackled and drifted in the wind.
“Focus, ladies!” Pearl Rose crushed her water bottle in a magical grip, “We’ve got Flawless on the ropes! Now all we need is to finish her off for good!”
Everycreature paused at that, and there was a swift and silent exchange of looks around the dugout. Finally, it was Cheese who, by unanimous decision, stepped forward.
“Uh, Pearl? Maybe you’re taking this a little too personally?”
She scoffed, “I don’t know what you mean! After the way she treated you all so abominably? How can you not take it personally?”
“Yeah,” Moon said slowly, like he was trying to think through his next words before saying them, “But you’re playing a game, not fighting a war.”
“I don’t see the difference,” Pearl lifted her head slightly, “You can apply Sun Zoo’s philosophy to lots of things!”
“I don’t know who this Sun Zoo is,” Fluttershy said, looking down at the zealous filly, “But I imagine even he’d say that having fun while playing a game is more important than beating somecreature else. Isn’t that right, Discord?”
The Draconequus, caught mid raspberry aimed at an equally mugging Pinkie Pie, twisted around in midair at the mention of his name. “Huh? What?”
Fluttershy, voice slightly strained, responded with, “I said, winning the game is less important than having fun. It isn’t good to want to play just to beat somepony else.”
“Hm,” Discord frowned and scratched at his brow, “No, you’ve lost me.”
“Flawless is always being mean to us,” Ann pouted, “So why can’t we wub her smug snout in this just once?”
Her mom hummed, and looked away. Fluttershy looked out over the crowd, noting her friends sitting on the podium. Applejack and Dash seemed stuck in a private conversation, Rarity and Blueblood were casually watching Pearl, Pinkie had trucked in a small hill of confections, popcorn, and soda. And Twilight…
Twilight looked up from some paperwork (a proposed law to ban the importation of certain hallucinogenic-sugar pills from Perytonia) and gave Fluttershy an encouraging smile, the sort she gave when she knew one of her friends just needed a moment of encouragement and confidence.
Surprisingly, it worked. Fluttershy turned a steely gaze back on her daughter. “Ann,” she said, her eyes and her voice’s resolve making it plain she cared very deeply as to what the Ponequus said in reply to this, “Does acting like a bully make you happy?”
Ann worked her jaw for but a moment. Even in the heat of the game, on top of a wave of adrenaline and excitement over finally pulling one over on that smug, rude, grumpy, jerk-faced crystal pony… she’d had enough of feeling angry and ashamed for one week.
“No…” she said, then looked away, “I just wish it did, sometimes…”
Pearl sighed, “I… I suppose that’s true. I just wanted so badly to make Flawless eat the things she said earlier about us. About Moon, Cheese, Shady, and Goldie.”
She looked about the throngs of ponies readying themselves for the second half of the game, and then back down to her hooves. “I suppose this was my mistake as well.”
“Mistakes are always forgivable,” Cheese said, eyes closed and voice in a measured tempo, “If one has the courage to admit them.”
“That…” Pearl couldn’t quite manage to say more. None of the other creatures could seem to come up with anything either.
Cheese giggled, “That was Spruce Neigh, not Sun Zoo, so I’m not sure if it counts. We’re still quoting other creatures, right? Ooh! How about, ‘Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education’? Or, ‘The power to destroy an entire planet is insignificant next to the power of the…’?”
A lion’s paw slapped over Cheese’s muzzle.
“Kid,” Discord sighed, “The Ponk is strong with you. But we’ve got two meta-narrative characters in this story already, and I’ll be barbequed…”
Fluttershy gasped.
“… if my Ann isn’t the third one, so quit it.”
Cheese just giggled again.
“Come on,” Ann brightened up, “We can still have fun with this game, and beat Flawless! We just have to… not obsess ovew it.”
A floating stopwatch had appeared above the leaping Yaks, displaying a dwindling amount of time. All knew what it meant. Half time was coming to an end, and in mere seconds the field would be retaken and the game would recommence. The stadium began to rumble with the rhythmic pounding of hooves as the crowd counted down the final minute.
“Pearl’s quick, and she’s clever,” Flawless placed a hoof on Dib’s withers, “Just use your emotion senses. If you feel she’s trying to be tricky, go with your gut, alright Dib?”
The Changeling smiled a broken smile, his confidence only slowly returning under his friend’s cocky grin. “I’ll try. I will!”
“B-but,” Beauregard spared a glance over towards the other team, already marching back towards the field, “I swear I can hear her… I think she’s playing music in her head, and I can hear it in mine! And it’s so… angry…”
A green hoof touched the shivering unicorn’s chin, and brought his eyes back down to Flawless’s own… where an emerald fire seemed to burn.
“Beau? She’s a creature wrought from the stuff of starlight and madness… there’s not a lot you can do about that.”
Beauregard cringed, a puppy-whimper escaping his throat. But the smaller crystal earth pony didn’t flinch, didn’t waver. Her eyes bore into his own… and that fire started to feel warm…
“But!” she said, that self-assured smile back on her face, “Ann’s still getting used to flying, and as much control as she’s got, she can’t do speed. Just try to out-run her, and move your bucket faster! I know you can do it. How long did it take us to teach you to grab things with magic?”
“A… a long time?”
She stamped a hoof, kicking up a small dustcloud, “And are you gonna throw away all my hours of hard work helping you?”
The blue unicorn felt his cheeks burn, and he straightened noticeably, “N-no! Never!”
“Yeah!” Dib snarled, “We’re gonna win! We’ve worked too hard for this not to!”
“Alright,” Flawless took a breath, and started towards the Yaks, “Together…”
With the ringing of the giant stopwatch, the Yaks disappeared in a flash of light and the sound of rattling dice. All chatter, all distractions within the arena vanished with them, replaced by the stamping of thousands of hooves and the silent, focused energy of four ponies, a Ponequus, and a Changeling staring each other down over a few lines of chalk.
Silver Spoon shivered. The pounding of hooves was almost magical with how it could affect an entire stadium like this, but it was the eyes that arrested her attention. She knew the looks her students were throwing at each other. She’d had to break up a few playground fights before, after all.
But… oh, she hated just letting things like this out of her hooves. If it helped though…?
Enough thinking. Silver Spoon tossed the ball up into the air.
And so… The War began.
Minutes passed. The crowd alternated between rapt silence, thunderous applause, and cries of shock and awe. The ball lurched across the field like it had a life of its own, an animating energy that caused it to fly hither and thither at shocking speed.
And, if indeed a Buckball could have a life of its own, this one was having a terrible time of it, as every second was taken up by hooves, tails, and muzzles kicking the ever-loving huff out of it.
The score tied, Five-Five, with a low kick from Flawless, aided by a rebound from Dib.
And then, within seconds, Pearl pulled off another trick-play, juking away from Dib’s space and snatching another point out of the air. Six-Five.
More time passed. The crowd grew nervous. Fast goals made an exciting game. Slow goals, over a measured time and not the result of fouling? Even more exciting! Of course, slow goals weren’t so interesting for one pink party planning pony pseudo-princess, so she began roaming during the second half.
Six-Six, off a tail-whip from Flawless. Cheese and Ann had gotten a touch on the ball, but it had too much power to stop.
Six-Seven, Dib caught Pearl out of place, and a quick rebound to Flawless put the Crystal Gems up one.
By now, reams of paperwork lay forgotten by Twilight’s seat. The Alicorn watched the game with the same single-minded attention as the rest of her subjects. Applejack and Rainbow’s hushed argument was forgotten, half-finished, as both ponies raised themselves up on the podium railing to get a better view, while Rarity and Blueblood maintained a sort of meditative focus on the field of play.
Seven-Seven, Ann lobbed an overhoof pass that only Cheese’s incredible, bouncy jumps could reach for the score.
Pinkie Pie lay twelve hayburgers along her tongue, covered the mess with whipped cream, and then rolled the entire monstrosity into her mouth. She vaguely wondered how the game was going while she hefted a cheese-covered soft pretzel the size of her head into optimal scarfing position.
Beauregard watched Ann with intensity as the next round began. As he ran back and forth, trying to get Flawless an angle to score, he never let his eyes wander far from the source of his increasing panic, the Ponequus whose… angry music seemed to bleed out from her head into his. He listened, a captive audience to the pounding of drums and the roar of some sort of magical instruments he couldn’t name.
Finally, the music became too much to bear, too loud and too powerful to hear over itself. Beauregard’s mind reared back, and frantically searched for a counter. He couldn’t let Ann dictate the pace of the game. He couldn’t let Flawless down. He wouldn’t!
“Baaaah!” Beauregard finally seemed to snap, shouting out a drum beat of his own upwards at Ann, “Bada bum bum! Badadada gah gah badadabump!!!”
Anything that could stop the music, anything!
Her own concentration disrupted, Ann looked down at the colt. She quietly, bemusedly took in his wild, wall-eyed gaze, the froth on his lips, and the way his hooves seemed to tap out a beat only Beauregard could hear… but was different from the one he was sputtering at her.
It took a long second before she could fully form the words to express what she was feeling looking at this display. “What the flying feathew…?”
Whap!
The ball rang off her head, bouncing up as she chittered in surprise and spun about, grabbing at her mane.
The crowd gasped. Silence held for an instant as the Buckball drifted up… and then came down into Beauregard’s waiting bucket.
Seven-Eight. Own Goal.
“Oh no!” Ann’s hooves flew up to her face, covering up the humiliated blush that burned her face a beet-red.
Discord swiftly covered Fluttershy’s eyes with his tail, both wincing with a shared, “Oh no…”
“Like… oh nooo…” Tree Hugger’s low, vicariously-embarrassed voice went out over the speakers.
“Oh yeah!!!” Pinkie cheered, finally getting Apple Bloom to give in and deep-fry an apple-fritter.
“An own-goal!” Scootaloo’s rising voice matched the sudden swell of the crowd’s cheers and jeers, “I can’t believe it! I don’t believe it! The Crusaders are in trouble now…!”
Ann merely drifted above the field, wings flapping, but no other movement visible. Her eyes swept the crowds, the dugouts, the podium. How could she…? Letting everypony down…?
Down in the center, Cheese’s eyes narrowed in a pained expression as he watched her. He could feel a tightening in his chest as he realized how his friend was probably…
“Hey!” a hoof jabbed his shoulder, bringing Cheese suddenly back around to Flawless, who had to shout for him to hear her over the crowd even this close, “You need to help her!”
He didn’t hesitate, except to give his opposite number a quick nod. Cheese waved his hooves and began jumping up and down. His frantic movements went unnoticed by the crowds, so consumed by the scandal, the incredulity of that last play.
But Ann’s eyes twitched. They caught sight of Cheese, and managed to drag the rest of her face back towards the field. Meeting that look of fear and sorrow, Cheese felt a giddy, silly feeling deep, deep down in his gut. Like a little pink bubblegum-balloon swelling up and catching a Pink wind…
“It’s okay,” he said, letting The Ponk guide him, “It’s gonna be okay…”
The crowds roared, but it didn’t matter. Ann only heard his voice. Only saw his lips mouth those words. For a single moment, Anarchy was in a silent world with only Cheese. Only ever Cheese.
She blinked, and a new look came over her. Ann looked to Silver Spoon, and gave her a savage nod. Her teacher took the hint, quickly blew her whistle, and launched the ball once again.
It was Eight-Eight only a minute later, after Cheese tail-whipped a curveball past Flawless and Dib. The crowd was as animated as ever, regardless of which team they’d decided to root for, and chanting crowd songs could be heard battling it out in pockets as their excitement built.
A rousing rendition of Seven Neigh-tion Army belted out from somewhere behind the podium, the words lost as most of the ‘singers’ were content to ‘oh’ and ‘woah’ their way through it, while a tight pack of attendees most likely from Dib’s extended family challenged them with We Are the Changelings, and a few scattered pockets tried to get Equestria, The Land I Love started, though it was hard going without a super-pop idol to lead them.
And somewhere, Pinkie’s very own We Will Ponk You could somehow be heard above all of them.
And then all fell silent, for the score was suddenly Eight-Nine, after Beauregard redirected a pass from Dib back to Flawless with the flat of his bucket. The Crusaders were blindsided by their own play!
Prussian Blue and Facet Glimmer had spent the entirety of the game sitting quietly in the dugout seats with Fluttershy and Discord, not saying a single word or doing a single thing outside of quietly sipping at their drinks and hitting the restroom to wash off the face-paint Discord had liberally applied to Prussian at game’s start.
But as the game fell into its final stretch, when even the Princess of Equestria was standing at attention to see the conclusion, the two ponies found they had a few moments to themselves.
“So…” Facet coughed into a hoof awkwardly, “I guess this means… Flawless and that Anny pony are still…?”
Prussian’s face barely moved as he said, “Honey? The Spirit of Chaos has enabled our daughter to play his in a magically created arena before a crowd of thousands, all so that they can work out their foalish rivalry in the most public way possible, and probably let said Spirit have a giggle at everycreature’s expense. I think they’re not quite friends, dear.”
Facet glanced up at the clouds overhead, where a smattering of pegasi had created their own seating arrangements high above the crowds and even the announcer-balloon. “I suppose this means we should be… encouraging Flawless’s interest in sports?”
“I think this means we should be ready to flee the country,” Prussian sighed and took a bite of the candy bar held in his hooves. Then, through a full mouth, he added, “But yes. I think she’d appreciate that. Maybe we can fund a little league in… Perytonia?”
“The climate’s terrible,” Facet’s eye watched a foul ball streak away into the crowd, whereupon the impact sent ponies scattering, “Though the gem economy’s strong. It’s that or moving up to the Caribou.”
“I don’t do well with cold; you know that.”
Facet smirked, “Well… I guess we’re rooting for Ann, then?”
Both crystal ponies met one another’s gaze. And for a moment, there might have been a real debate between them on that issue...
But then Prussian shrugged, “Being rich is overrated. COME ON FLAWLESS! YOU GOT THIS BABY!!!”
“You know,” said Wind Sprint, eyeing the unconscious Celestia, “For an immortal Sun Goddess, you have a real glass jaw.”
“She was never one for direct confrontation,” Luna nodded, recalling… basically every fight they’d ever been in, “And apparently playing Buckball was never going to be her forte.”
Quibble Pants just shook his head, “I can’t believe that little filly could kick so hard! I mean, how does she have the muscle mass to produce that kind of kinetic energy?”
Grogar’s terrible laughter caused one of his discarded crackerjack boxes to blacken and burn.
“Inconsequential as it may seem, that is Little Cheese, a colt. More importantly, he is possessed of his mother, Pinkie Pie’s, abhorrent and unnatural theurgy. Reality howls in terror at their approach! Had I their power in my youth, Equestria should still be held under my dreadful dominion.”
Wind Sprint frowned, “And who are you?”
Before Grogar, the Nec-ram-ancer, could speak further, Luna held up a hoof for attention.
“Does this really matter? For once I don’t have somepony singing those infernal sports-songs in my ear. I’d like to enjoy the final moments of this game in peace, if that isn’t too much to ask?”
Her words were prophetic. Mere moments later, Cheese made up for his foul. With a high kick, a low dodge, and a bit of luck… the game was Nine and Nine.
Sudden Death.
“This is it Ladies and Gentlecolts! The endgame! The final play of the game! It’s time for legends to be born and heroes to die!! Let’s make some noise!!!”
“Tree Hugger, you really need to chill…”
“Like, we can chill when we’re dead, Scoots…”
“…”
The ball dropped.
Cheese whipped his mane around, snagging the ball and sending it flying back towards Ann with a twist of his head, barely avoiding Flawless’s hoof as it took a few strands clean off.
Well, he thought, there goes my cool pompadour look.
Ann’s wing snapped up the ball, and with a full-body whirl she sent it back ten-fold. Her eyes locked onto Flawless’s as the crystal pony launched a second kick at the approaching ball. With Cheese a second behind, she had no trouble knocking the ball back towards Beauregard’s bucket.
Ann was quicker, and with a flick of her tail she rocketed the ball away. The low angle gave Cheese a chance to redirect this one up and away from Flawless, right for Pearl’s racing bucket.
Dib was on top of it, spiking the ball back down.
The ball kept going. Around and around the field, it simply ricocheted from one side to the other as Ponequus, Changeling, and ponies juggled the hard leather lump back and forth. Ann could feel the ball as it moved, its strange orbit becoming a chaotic mayhem pinball, the wild and uncontrolled variables vibrating with the same rhythm of her heart.
This was her element. This was everycreature’s element. This wasn’t about who was better anymore, this was about who would make the first mistake now. Their skills were matched, their effort the same.
It was all down to dice, the random ebb and flow of quantum mechanics and probabilities.
Ann couldn’t be happier. Win or lose… she existed in a system of controlled Chaos now. She was in love with it, the fate of the game riding on a coinflip.
Dad was right! This is BEAUTIFUL!
She could see it, as well. The one random variable that would decide it all. The dice of destiny. The coin eternal.
It was Cheese. It was always Cheese. He was about to collapse. His breathing was harder than Flawless’s. His flanks heaved with effort while she was merely winded. Her eyes were like steel, while spittle dripped from his muzzle with every play. That near-miss right at the round’s start had shook him, and Ann could see it. She could see the way the numbers ran together in rivers and streams and railroads and catapults… chaos, amirite?
And she saw it all in an instant, a mote of time caught between heartbeats, between when she caught the ball in the crook of her tail, and when she’d already thrown it back to him.
Cheese reached out with his whole body, his hind leg perfectly placed for a roundhouse. He swung about, letting his momentum carry the colt completely around in a furious arc. Ann watched him in achingly slow-motion, willing him to do it. Dib was out of place, and Cheese was closer than Flawless. One kick. That’s all it would take. Victory was within sight…
But… his one grounded hoof slipped… no. His back-hoof simply couldn’t take the weight and the speed and the power anymore. Cheese fell. He fell, hard.
“Cheese!”
Ann dove, wings at her side with such force that she could feel the wind pop as she broke through it.
Cheese hit the dirt, kicking up dust as he landed. The dust was too slow to interfere, however, as Flawless’s own momentum carried her through to the ball, and with a solid kick of her own she sent it sailing.
It drifted right past Ann’s right side, so slow she could have reached out and touched it with a hoof.
Could. She could have. But that didn’t matter anymore. The game didn’t matter anymore.
It never mattered.
Time returned to normal as Ann flared her wings out, stopping dead in her tracks right above Cheese. She dropped down, and quickly touched his side.
“Cheese!” she thought she said. It was hard to hear. There was a thunderstorm exploding around the arena. Funny how the weather teams hadn’t warned about that.
He was breathing, though lightly and irregularly. She could feel a groan rumble in Cheese’s chest. If he had the breath to groan…
Ann flipped him over onto his back, and tried to check his breathing. She could feel it on her face. He… he was alright? It was so loud, how could she even hear herself think? Thinking about the thunder was all she could do as Ann turned to look up. But instead of grey clouds and lightning, it was a mostly clear day.
The crowd was simply exploding. The entire arena shook with their stamping and emotional cries. Scootaloo was yelling something through the speakers, but Ann couldn’t hear what she was saying over the braying throngs.
Flawless stood over her, eyes twinkling as she stared off towards where Beauregard had been stationed and where her goal had ended the game. But after a moment, the crystal pony shook her head and looked down.
Ann growled as the other filly knelt next to Cheese, but it hitched in her throat as Flawless’s foreleg wrapped around Cheese’s, and Ann found herself pulling him back up onto his haunches alongside Flawless.
“Are…” Flawless panted, “Are you okay?”
Cheese nodded, only slightly out of it. “Yeah… I think I’m okay. Kinda slipped there, though... at the end.”
He turned his head slightly, “Thanks Ann. I…”
Cheese stopped. Talking was a little more difficult when a pair of batwings completely enveloped him in a hug, especially one as tight as this was.
“I’m sowwy, Cheese,” Ann whispered.
“Oh?” the colt pulled himself out of the hug slowly, “What for?”
The Ponequus turned her head to look up at the scoreboard.
Ten-Nine. Crystal Gems.
“I think I just lost us the game…”
Cheese cocked his head to the side, enough to get an eyeful of the score. “Yeah?” he said, “But did you have fun losing?”
Ann’s mouth moved, but words didn’t come out. She looked up at Flawless, who met her gaze with a completely neutral expression. Well, not completely, completely neutral. But for the life of her, Ann couldn’t tell what else was in that expression. Not just yet.
“I…” Ann’s eyebrows raised themselves up, as she surprisingly found her answer, “I think I did.”
Cheese sighed, and closed his eyes. “Good. You’ve taken your first steps into a much larger world.”
Beauregard, Dib, and Pearl finally reached their teammates. The unicorn colt was practically dancing as he approached, and Dib smiled so hard that Ann thought his exoskeleton was about to crack.
Pearl, it had to be said, approached with far more trepidation. Her eyes glistened, just a bit, but her poise was never in doubt. She carried herself proudly as she came upon Flawless, and gave a little bow of her head.
“Well, Flawless Gem,” she said in as formal a voice as she could manage, “It seems I must congratulate you on your victory. Bragging rights are yours, naturally. We shall… we shall try to stay out of your way, henceforth.”
“What?” Flawless gave the unicorn a quizzical look.
“You win,” Pearl’s voice very nearly cracked as she said this, “You’ve proven you are… better than us. We shall not contest it. You… you played very well today.”
The crystal pony’s face scrunched up at this, and she seemed to think for a moment before responding. “I… I guess. But you three are at least second best. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“But…” Ann frowned, “we lost.”
Flawless scoffed. “You lost to me, which was never in doubt. I’m awesome! I mean…” she flinched at her own words, “… I mean, you weren’t bad. In fact… this was a lot of fun.”
She looked back towards Pearl, “Would… would you guys be up to do this again sometime? Buckball, I mean. Not…” she waved her hoof about at the stadium.
Cheese grinned stupidly, his eyes flashing back and forth between Ann and Pearl. A low squee threatened to escape his lips as he beamed.
Ann looked to Pearl, waiting to hear what she said.
Pearl took several long, long seconds to consider her response.
“Would… would that mean we were friends?”
“No!” Flawless almost snarled… then kicked at the ground with one hoof, “I mean… I guess it wouldn’t be too bad. You guys are really good and… I don’t get to play enough around here. So, if it really matters…”
She paused as a leathery wing fell over her withers. Flawless half-turned, and nearly flinched away as she came nearly eye-to-eye with those… eyes.
“I can live with that,” Ann said, a soft smile on her face, “As long as Peawl can.”
Cheese’s mane began to inflate with the squee he was holding back.
Pearl stared at Ann for only a moment. Then, she huffed in a very dignified manner, and said, “Of course I can. So long as you, Flawless,” she pointed with one hoof, her eyes flashing in challenge, “aren’t too upset next time when we kick your flank!”
“Oh really!?” Flawless’s predatory grin caused even Beauregard to take a step back. Her eyes flashed in answer, “Then I guess we are friends!”
“I guess we are!”
“Good, beating friends at Buckball is so much more fun!”
“I concur!”
Cheese’s squee, had anycreature noticed it, would have been one for the ages. But, just as the colt was nearing the end of his ability to hold himself back, a curious thing happened. Light, brilliant and white, filled the center of the field.
Ann blinked and looked away. The light wasn’t blinding, per say… but there was something wrong with it, to her eyes. All throughout the game, she’d been looking at a complex web of chaos and randomness, something beautiful. Now… now the light that bloomed around her was something different.
It had the stench of order upon it… Destiny.
But within moments, it was gone. As if it had never been.
Dib shook the light from his eyes first. “Well… that was weird.”
“Y-yeah,” said Beauregard, sounding a little shook-up, “It was almost like… FLAWLESS!!!”
“What!?” her ears perked straight up, and a touch of panic settled into her voice.
Dib saw it as well. “Your flank!”
Flawless scowled, “Why are you two looking at my…?” Her voice caught in her throat. The crystal pony’s eyes widened even as her irises shrank to near-dots.
Her flank was blank no more. Instead of a featureless green, Flawless now bore the image of a Buckball and two gemstones engulfed in streaking flames like comets in flight.
“I… I got my…” her whole face contorted as a smile threatened to completely overtake her. But before she could say anything more, another voice came from behind.
“Hey Pearl!” Cheese gasped, “You too!”
By now, everycreature was staring, and the approaching parents, friends, and Miss Silver Spoon quickly joined in the impromptu display of gob-smacked faces.
Pearl’s face was identical to Flawless’s. For on her flank was now the image of a Buckball wrapped up in the stem of a red rose.
The two fillies looked at their flanks, then one another. And with glistening, gleaming eyes and beaming faces they cried out together: “WE GOT OUR CUTIE MARKS!!!”
Instantly, the sound of cannons roared over the arena, and a rain of pink confetti filled the air. Balloons, secreted under every seat, began to fly out over the crowd. A banquet table, freshly furnished with cupcakes, muffins, and no small amount of ballpark fare hurtled out from the Princess’s podium to land just next to the doubly-startled colts and fillies, and the grand scoreboard dropped its display to reveal a new sign, which read:
Congratulations! Happy Cute-ceañera for Flawless Gem and Pearl Rose!
Cheese could only shake his head. “She overdid it again…”
The party planner pony herself drifted down to the field, suspended by a bright pink umbrella held in her tail. As she landed, she stuck it back into her mane, smiled, and approached the still-shocked fillies.
“Nah! I hardly had to dip into my personal supply to get this all set up! Although, the fireworks haven’t gone off yet, so… oops.”
Pinkie winced as she looked up. High above the stadium, the Discord balloon drifted by, flaming rocket-tails blasting out of its sides as it listed more and more towards and out-and-out nose dive.
Scootaloo’s voice came out over the speakers again, “Ladies and Gentlecolts, it was an honor serving with you.”
But, just as the first strands of the violin-quartet piece, Nearer Celestia To Thee, began to play, Discord sighed and snapped the whole affair away, leaving Tree Hugger and Scootaloo standing at his side, nary a balloon to be seen in the skies.
“Okay,” Tree Hugger took a breath, “Like, that was a bit too exciting for me.”
Scootaloo rolled her eyes at this, and then held out a hoof towards Discord. “Thanks, Honorary Crusader! That was a lot of fun.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he waved her down, hiding a smirk, “Don’t mention it. Really, don’t mention it.”
“Pearl Rose.” The voice of her Papa caused the princess to spin in place and throw out a little salute not unlike the ones the guards would give.
“Yes, Papa?” she looked up at the immaculate white stallion as he approached, alongside the entirety of the Council of Friendship not already present on the field.
Blueblood sniffed. “I see you have a Cutie Mark. A… Buckball… Cutie Mark.”
She winced at the way he said ‘Buckball’, like it was a muddy patch in the road, or a servant with a crooked collar, or a salad with one too few tomatoes in it, or the sun when it just so happens to be in a position to irritate his eyes…
Pearl Rose was suddenly struck with the sensation that she should, perhaps, question her Papa’s stance on things once in a while…
“Yes, Papa… are…?” she gulped, “Are you upset?”
Blueblood’s mustache and beard twitched noticeably. “Upset?” he closed his eyes, sighed, and said, “Terribly so.”
Well… that was not ideal, Pearl thought. But she was still a Blueblood. She kept her mouth closed, and tried to keep her breathing under control. Couldn’t let Papa see her cry. Not here, and not now…
“Had I known beforehoof,” the Prince’s horn suddenly glowed with magical light, and Pearl could feel herself being lifted up into the air, “I would have gotten you some real trainers and equipment.”
Blueblood pulled Pearl to him, and wrapped his forelegs around her in a close hug. She responded in kind, eyes glistening with starlight, and a smile on her face, at least when she wasn’t kissing her Papa on his nose.
Amongst the creatures who stared at the display with a warm feeling filling their hearts, Flawless had only a moment before she felt two pairs of forelegs wrap around her barrel. She looked up at both of her parents, who beamed down upon her with as bright and shining smiles as she’d ever seen from them.
“We’re so proud of you, kid,” Prussian nuzzled her braided mane, a single tear sliding down his face.
Facet rubbed her cheek against Flawless’s, a shared smile between mother and daughter as she said, “My little girl’s growing up! Now… how do you feel about humidity?”
Flawless frowned, a clear ‘What?’ on her lips before another voice interrupted her.
“I told you both before,” Twilight sighed, “I was never going to banish anypony just because their child didn’t get along with one of my friend’s children! Why does everycreature think I’m a monster!?”
“Ponies are naturally skittish by nature and have wildly active imaginations so they tend to form conspiracy theories and horror stories prompted by the least of their anxieties?”
Everyone in the field, minus Pinkie, turned to stare in wonder at Little Cheese.
“Ahem,” Discord coughed just loud enough to grab the little colt’s attention, then with two talons gave him a universal ‘I’m watching you’ signal by pointing at his glaring eyes.
“Oh,” Cheese blushed, “And Mom likes telling scary stories to foals about you.”
“PINKIE!?”
“What?” the pony in question frowned, “You can’t blame me! What about that time you became evil?”
The Princess shook her head, “WHAT!? Pinkie, when did I ever ‘become evil’?”
“That time you mind-controlled us!” Pinkie waved her hoof about, now annoyed at having to explain herself, “Or that time you stole our Cutie Marks!”
“… Pinkie? That was Starlight Glimmer.”
Pinkie paused, a perplexed expression puzzling her features as she pondered her previous position.
“Oh… sorry,” she blushed and grinned sheepishly, “I mixed you two up a lot before you got your growth spurt. Sorry!”
Twilight stared. And stared. And then, she sighed, shook her head, and simply whispered, “It’s Pinkie, it’s Pinkie, don’t think about it,” to herself.
Within minutes, the Cute-ceañera was in full swing. The crowds had given a small cheer or two at the occasion, but most simply wished to get on their way and head back out to finish their interrupted schedules. Princess Twilight had to teleport back to Canterlot, apologizing for missing the fun, but explained that there was a war or two to avoid. She took Blueblood and Pinkie with her, they being the heads of the Foreign Office.
Pearl and Flawless were the toast of the town, it had to be said. Their friends gathered around to congratulate them, and their families and neighbors celebrated the momentous occasion as only ponies could; muffins, cake, confetti, and mariachi aplenty.
Only Ann stood alone, off to one side of the party, seemingly content to watch. She watched her Dad talking with Flawless’s folks about importing edible gems, or really talking at them while they tried to understand what was going on, exactly. She watched her Grampa regale Shady, Goldie, and Moon with stories from when he ruled the world. She watched Cheese and Luna draw mustaches onto Aunt Tia’s face while Silver Spoon chatted with Applejack and Rainbow about… something that involved no small amount of shouting and pointing back at Discord.
And she watched Flawless and Pearl talking animatedly with each other over Buckball strategies, appointments for practice they could run together, and even other things less consequential such as birthdays, favorite treats, and preferred music.
All of this was fine, of course. Pearl was still her friend, naturally. Nothing would change that… right?
Ann found herself staring back at her flank. A simple, yellow field.
As she stood there, contemplating… she heard her mother’s hoofsteps approach.
“Ann? Is everything alright?” the tender concern in Fluttershy’s voice danced along Ann’s skin, as though she’d reached out her wings for a hug already.
“Yeah,” Ann said slowly, “Evewything’s fine. Just… thinking.”
Fluttershy’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly… and then lit up with the soft smile on her lips.
“Are you worried about getting your Cutie Mark?”
Ann’s wings ruffled. “…’little,” she muttered.
“Hm,” her mother nodded, “I understand.”
“Do you?” Ann sighed, “Did you evew wowwy you wewen’t a weal pony?”
Fluttershy flinched, “Uh… maybe we should talk with your father about that lisp…”
“I’m sewious!” Ann stamped a hoof.
“I know you are,” Fluttershy placated, reaching out a wing to the filly. Ann didn’t need much prompting, letting her mother pull her close.
Fluttershy continued, “You don’t quite know what you’re supposed to do. You feel like you have a place to be, but you don’t know where it is, or if you’re already there. Right?”
Ann nodded, but said nothing, looking up into her mother’s eyes questioningly.
“We all feel that,” she continued, “It’s natural. But you can’t force Cutie Marks. They’re… oh, how did Twilight say it?”
Fluttershy tapped her chin a few times in thought, then smiled and said, “It’s destiny. It will happen in its own time.”
“Bleaugh,” Ann stuck out her tongue, which lifted up a wooden ‘No Thank You’ sign, “Destiny is dumb.”
Her mother just chuckled at the outburst, but covered her mouth with a hoof all the same, “Oh, even Dis… your father doesn’t hate destiny anymore.”
“Weally?”
Fluttershy nodded, “Of course! He told me once that there’s always a little Chaos in things, even ones as orderly as destiny. The… infinite variables, I think he calls it?”
“Mom!” Ann tapped her hooves excitedly, “I saw those! I could see the vawiables!”
A pop, and a brief flash of light just above them, announced Discord’s return to his most favorite ponies in the world.
“Really!?” he leaned down from his perch in the air and pressed his face deep into Ann’s pink and black mane, “You could see Chaos!?”
Ann giggled, “Dad, that tickles!”
The Draconequus slipped out of her ear like a snake, crowing, “Oh! Happy day! Happy fraptious day! Caloo callay!”
Hearing that, Fluttershy frowned, “W-what?”
“It’s a reference,” said Discord, without prompting appearing behind her dressed in a tall tophat with a playing card sticking out of the brim, “I trust I’m still allowed to do those?”
“Is that one of those fourth wall things?” she raised a curious brow.
He sighed, “Yes, dear. Yes, it was. But enough about walls, fourth or otherwise.”
With a quick snap of his fingers, party hats popped into existence atop both Ann and Fluttershy’s heads. A plate of black cake also popped into being just in front of Ann’s face, hovering just close enough for the cake, in a Prench accent, to politely offer Ann a bite.
“Mmmm,” she hummed with delight, “Sauerkraut and burning rubber! Thanks Dad!”
Discord chuckled, then pointed back towards the others. “If you want to thank the chef, I understand Cheese caused irreparable harm to an oven to get that one just right for you.”
She nuzzled her mother one more time, and then with the plate of ‘cake’ held firmly in her wing, Ann trotted back to her friends, letting the whole issue of Cutie Marks and winning and everything else fade away until all she thought about was the beautiful chaos all around her, and the friends that made up so much of it.
Long into the night, work at Canterlot Palace was still going on. So many members of the high court and the Princess’s inner circle had vanished around lunchtime that the whole government had simply ground to a halt. But once that had been sorted out… everypony realized how bad a government shutdown could screw with their work schedules.
Crow Bar, a black and white pimento earth pony, and his gold-maned unicorn partner Iron Knee worked alongside a hoof-full of servants in a massive storage facility located deep in the crystal-vaulted caverns beneath the palace to finish off the day’s duties before bedtime. They had orders to relocate some of the materials down here, and it had already been a long, rough day.
“Seriously,” said Bar through gritted teeth as he pried away at wooden crate near twice his height on hind-legs with his signature, namesake tool, “If yer gonna have a surprise Buckball game, and ya gotta kidnap half of Canterlot to attend, why not just schedule it!?”
Knee rolled her eyes. “It’s like this Discord fella never met the Princess!”
The crate’s side finally came loose, Bar quickly dropping his instrument to lower it slowly to the ground with his head, “I mean… who does he think he is?”
“Pfft,” Knee shrugged, “Some chimera of some sort. I heard he used to be a criminal or something.”
“Huh, weird. Then again…” Bar dropped the crate-side and began checking on the contents, “I guess Friendship and all that…”
Knee nodded, “Hm, yeah. Good point.” She tossed a look over her shoulder, making sure nopony was listening in.
“Uh… hey, Bar? You, uh… you feelin like grabbing some cider after work or… SWEET SUN AND MOON WHAT IS THAT!?!”
The startled unicorn fell flat on her haunches, eyes locked to the snarling beast that stood in front of her. Bar quickly rounded the monster, giving his friend and coworker a concerned look that slowly morphed into a trolling grin.
“Knee? Did… did the statue scare you?”
“I wasn’t scared… I was just… startled…”
“Which is another word for being…”
Iron Knee was back up, an unamused expression settled onto her features. An expression that could curdle milk at a glance, and one that Bar had learned to walk away from slowly. Which he did now, though not without an idiotic grin on his face.
I can’t believe I like this idiot, she thought.
“What even is this?” she looked over the monstrous-looking art piece… and shivered.
Bar looked over the clipboard dangling from his neck. “Lemme see… The Elements of Disharmony… huh. I think I heard of this one.”
Knee’s eyes widened in legitimate shock. “You know something about art?”
“I am a multifac-ee-ted individual,” Bar grinned. “And… art is pushing it. It’s no Chippcutter, that’s for shure.”
The two ponies looked over the whole sculpture. A cringing centaur, a frightened foal, and a snarling changeling queen caught in a leaping charge. From the stamp on the top of the box, it’d been down here a while, and had spent time in the Starlight Vault.
Huh, Knee tilted her head in thought, wasn’t that the new Restricted wing in the Palace Library?
“And…” Iron Knee frowned, “This thing is supposed to go to the Royal Canterlot Statue Garden?”
Crow Bar shrugged, “Can’t account fer tastes. But we got orders,” he proferred a signed document from his clipboard.
Well, it looked official. Had the Royal Seal, signature, and everything. The checkmark looked a little off… but then, nopony could really question Princess Twilight. It wasn’t like she even could be distracted, right?
“I guess the Princess thought this thing would be a good reminder of what Harmony protects us from.”
“Alright, alright,” Knee rolled her eyes, “Help me heave it out of here and we can go on our date… I mean… get drinks!”
No! Too close! Abort! Abort!
Bar watched the mare slap her head into a nearby crystal with a hard whap. She grumbled a bit, but didn’t look like she was gonna actually help him any time soon, so he rolled his own eyes and started for the hideous statue.
I can’t believe I like this gal.
8 - The Pony of Chaos, Part 1 - The Light of Your Cutie Mark
“Alright, alright… Ann!” Little Cheese pointed out his bestest best friend with one hoof and a malicious grin, “Truth or Dare!?”
She stuck her head out of her sleeping bag, her eyes up in thought while her tongue hung loose from her muzzle. “Hmmm… dawe!”
Pearl Rose sighed, “Honestly? It’s not fair for somepony who can do anything to just do a dare.”
Six little creatures, the current batch of Cutie Mark Crusaders, sat around a roaring campfire, enjoying a night out under the stars, deep in the White Tail Woods, roasting marshmallows on an open campfire.
Well, they would… if the night sky weren’t filled with celestial sheep and spiders in place of stars. And if the moon weren't a half-eaten cheese wheel. It would also help if the pine trees weren’t cardboard cutouts with gummy treats in place of leaves, and if the roaring campfire weren’t a tiny, flickering lightbulb wherein a tinier, dancing Princess Celestia dwelled, providing some light, but little heat.
The marshmallows were real, however. As were the s’mores. The yummy, yummy s’mores! And even though the Little Celestia didn’t generate much in the way of heat, Shady was more than happy to reach out with his flaming Nirik-ized hoof to help make the wonderful, wonderful treats.
“I mean, look at your room, dear!” Pearl waved one hoof about to indicate the space they currently occupied, “Where did your bed go?”
Ann shrugged, “I didn’t want a bed if all of you had to sleep without one, and it had a lot of paid time off built up.”
Moon’s chuckle could be heard high up above, where he hung from one of the fake tree branches.
Goldie swallowed her latest s’more, and giggled as well, “Well, I at least appreciate it. This is soooo cozy!” The downy griffon nestled down deep into her own sleeping bag, purring as she went.
Cheese shook his head at her, then returned a malevolent smile back to the Ponequus he’d called on.
“Dare, huh? Hmmm…” he tapped his hooves together as he thought.
Shady held up another set of marshmallows in his magic, and with a slight grunt of effort he set the top of his mane alight to allow them to cook just above him. “Well, whatever you dare her to do,” he smiled, adjusting his glasses with an upward flick of his head, “Don’t do anything involving water. It takes me forever to dry off and make fire again, so I won’t be able to make more s’mores in the meantime.”
“Turn me into a bowling ball!” Cheese suddenly cried out, eyes blindingly bright.
Ann scrunched up her nose and narrowed her eyes to focus on something at the end of her nose, “I… what?”
Pearl just rolled her eyes. “Where do you get these ideas, Cheese?”
“Mom said to never tell,” the little colt briefly shifted from a manic grin to a shadowed, haunted glare… and right back to smiling gayly as he decided to egg his friend on with, “Come on! Ya gotta do it!”
“You suwe?” Ann frowned, “I’m getting bettew at duplication, and twansma… twansmogr… uh, changin’ things. But I don’t know if I could change you back.”
“Huh?” Cheese scratched at one ear, “But you turned your Grandpa and the Princesses to stone the first time we hanged out…”
Pearl shrieked, “YOU WHAT!?”
“… and they’re fine! What’s different now?”
“I didn’t put them back,” Ann crossed her forelegs and rubbed them together in slight embarrassment, “That was Dad. Chaos… at least, the Chaos I can do, can’t fix stuff. I can only change things…”
Her eyes went out of focus for an instant, before another lightbulb (this one without a tiny Celestia) popped into existence right above her head, sending a wild look across her face. With quick, jerky movements, she pulled one of her blue wings out of the sleeping bag, and after a few experimental stretches, she snapped with the wing’s ‘fingers’.
In a flash, Cheese stood in the center of a pony-sized plastic sphere, which lay at one end of a bowling lane set into the forest floor. The other Crusaders stood around, still with marshmallows and s’mores at hoof, all looking excitedly down to the end of the lane…
Where a set of white bowling pins, each topped with Angel Bunny’s face and ears, stood.
Ann locked eyes with each of the creatures around her room, before giving Cheese back the same wicked grin as he’d started with. He was practically prancing in place as she looked to their friends and said:
“Who’s going fiwst?”
Such was the fun, the shrill squealing and shrieks of delight that followed, that none of the Crusaders noticed a single stain-glass window high up on Ann’s quantumly locatable wall. The stain-glass, which last week held an unflattering depiction of Ann’s Dad, and just this week had been shifted to a dramatic reenactment of the Crusader’s Buckball game against Flawless Gem, currently depicted a simple, purple coated filly with a purple mane and a small, propeller-topped hat on her head.
The stain-glass filly smiled, then left the window for parts unknown…
… or at least a few stories down, in Discord’s parlor room. The simple space had wood-paneled walls and a shag rug so fluffy it growled at mailponies and begged for treats. There was a small snooker table in the center, surrounded by chairs of every type and style imaginable and unimaginable.
And while a small group of tiny dogs seemed content to play poker on a folding-table set up in the center of the snooker one, the seats around the larger table were occupied by only two creatures.
Discord sat agitatedly in his tall, ornate throne, while Fluttershy sipped hot chocolate in her cushioned wicker chair. Technically, after a few moments more, three creatures occupied the chairs in the room, if one counted the purple filly as she rematerialized back into her seat, which was shaped precisely like a whoopee cushion atop a Styrofoam pool-noodle.
“Wow!” she said, the swirling madness that was her eyes latching onto the drink she’d left behind on her little spying mission. As she took a swig of the silly-putty and castor oil concoction, she smiled, “That’s a sweet little kid you got there, Dad… uh… sorry, Discord.”
The Draconequus smiled himself, though a touch sadly. “It’s alright, Screwball. I’m used to being called that here.”
“Right,” the filly’s cheeks burned red for a second, “Sorry, it slips out whenever I switch backstories… Um… my compliments to the chef, M- oh, Fluttershy… sorry…”
Fluttershy just smiled back at her… huh. She wasn’t entirely sure what Screwball was to her. Alternate Dimension Daughter? Bit of a muzzle-full. “Thank you, Screwball. I hope your actual mother is doing well.”
The purple filly smiled and nodded, then turned an inquisitive look towards her Not!Dad-equus.
“So, what’s the problem? The Me of this universe seems pretty sweet and kind, all things considered,” Screwball listened to the thunderous boom up above, “But she’s still clearly Spirit of Chaos material. Hey, you think after this I could stop by and join…?”
Discord daintily sipped at a mug full of pinecones painted in silver and azure before turning his attention towards his guest. “Oh, I know she can handle it. She’s got Fluttershy for a mother.”
“Aw!” Fluttershy blushed and looked away, just to hide her little smile.
Screwball made a ‘blech’ face in turn. Parents, no matter what dimension they came from, were disgustingly schmaltzy. “But…?” she leaned over the table, nearly planting her elbow on the poker-playing St Bernard, who was on a winning streak that the Terrier found suspicious. This had been a weird request for a meet-up, even by Chaos standards, so Screwball was giving Discord her best swirly-eyed Stare.
The swirling eye trick was usually enough to unnerve other creatures, but Discord took it in stride. He gritted his teeth, and took a deep, deep breath.
The truth, he often thought to himself, is so much worse when you have to say it out loud.
“I… I’m worried,” he finally managed, “She’s getting better at using her powers. She can duplicate and change things around… she can even see Chaos, unfiltered!”
“Okay…?” Screwball took another sip of her drink.
Fluttershy reached out one hoof, and laid it down on Discord’s claw, which rested on the table, just behind the Chihuahua. She then turned her large, painfully blue eyes back towards their guest, and said, “Um… I know I don’t understand some of these things as much as you or Discord can, but, uh, I think what he’s trying to say is that Ann doesn’t seem to have noticed the Fourth Wall.”
She looked up at Discord, “Was that right?”
A gentle claw cupped her face in response, a little scratch behind her ears and along her muzzle. She giggled, quietly.
“Quite right, my dear,” Discord sighed. His eyebrows knitted together in a frown. “Ann can’t see the readers. She doesn’t understand cross-medial references or meta-narrative concepts. And while that’s not entirely necessary for something like us…”
He left the end of his sentence unsaid. Screwball allowed her shoulders to sag as she heard her Alt-Dad’s speech slowly lose its volume and its energy. She knew what he meant.
“You’re lonely,” she said in a half-whisper, “Even with Fluttershy… you can’t share everything.”
A silence fell onto the room, broken only by the sound of the poker dogs bidding, and a Formula One car racing somewhere up in Ann’s room.
Seriously, Screwball’s propeller spun as her swirly eyes took on a hungry look, that sounds like an awesome party!
“This… Fourth Wall stuff,” Fluttershy patted her husband’s claw again, “I don’t understand it. Not really. I think I did when I spent a month as a Draconequus… but as a Pony, I know I lack some of your special powers to do so. It honestly makes me a little sick if I think too much about it…
“But it’s important to Discord,” her eyes turned to steel as she met Screwball’s gaze, “And so it’s important to us both. It’s something Ann deserves to experience with her father. It’s something he deserves to experience with some other creature. Somecreature who’ll be here, even after I’m… after I’m…”
“I get it,” Screwball raised a hoof quickly to forestall any tears. She knew all too well how this conversation went, and once was more than enough. “You want my help? Or, advice?”
“If you could help, please, and thank you,” Fluttershy smiled again, brighter and more grateful than before.
The purple pony of perplexing permutations pondered her predicament for a picosecond before her propeller spun about and picked up a possible pickle she’d been punk’d into propagating.
“Who’d you ask already?” she frowned.
Fluttershy, despite not being Applejack by any margin, was quite similar to her old friend in how she couldn’t lie to save her hide. She winced, noticeably, which caused Discord to cover his face.
When he pulled back his paw, Discord sighed and said, “Several of our peers.”
“Yeah? Who? And what’d they say?”
Discord folded his arms, petulantly, and began to name names. “Out of the fourteen Me’s I talked to, most just said to let things run their course, with three still being evil and not caring. Pinkpool said to feed Ann more cherry-changas…”
Screwball flinched at hearing the name of another Not!Pinkie-Pie out in the multiverse, “Eugh… did that work?”
Fluttershy sighed, “No,” then added sadly, “… it just made a mess of my cushions…”
“Chaos-Twilight stopped returning my calls,” Discord continued unabated, “Kept complaining about my dimension’s Rot… weirdo. Isekai Sunset, as it turns out, doesn’t actually know what the Fourth Wall is, and I’ve been banned for a month until Gandalf’s beard grows back. And all Dalek-Cord said was EX-TERM-IN-ATE over and over again…!”
Screwball took another long sip of her drink. Then, noticing it was dry, she added some sand, lima beans, and a whole electric fan for taste.
Thirst-quenching!
“… Fluttercord just… freaks even me out, so no dice there. And Sheogorath also said I had to just let it go. And after I helped that jerk out when he and Bill Cipher had their falling out…”
“Alright,” Screwball tossed her drink over her shoulder where it exploded into tiny paper mâché Princess Lunas, “I think I see the problem here.”
“Oh?” Fluttershy managed to blink away the nauseous feeling that had been building as Discord’s multiversal and cross-contextual rant went on, “You do?”
“Well don’t just sit there!” Discord himself half-growled and half-pleaded, “Tell me! What should I do? What can I do!?”
Screwball sighed, and fixed them both with a stare.
“You can’t fix this.” She’d said it so sedately, so quietly that for a moment, Fluttershy thought she was talking to a completely… well, sane pony.
Discord’s eyes flashed. “You wanna run that by me again? I… can’t!? What does that mean!? I am…!”
“Discord…” Fluttershy warned, this time tightening her grip on his arm. By the look he gave her, she knew he’d just been working himself back up into a mood. The sort where he started making declarations and threats. The kind that usually presaged a lot of collateral damage. The kind their therapist and couple’s counselor had warned him about.
He deflated.
“So… she’ll…?”
“Maybe,” Screwball shrugged, “Or maybe not. It’s not up to us. And if you mess with your own universe’s Meta-Narrative Constructs, you run into problems.
“That’s how you get Fluttercords,” she jabbed at her Not!Parents for emphasis, “How’d that work out for that universe? A Discord and Fluttershy… fused like that?”
“Oh, I thought it was Discord in a mask…” Fluttershy tilted her head questioningly. “Or, maybe that Fluttershy just had Discord’s memories…?”
“Stop thinking about that, it’ll melt your brain,” Discord calmly, gently cooed while patting his beloved Flutterbutter’s head.
“It’ll happen, or it won’t,” Screwball was at Discord’s other side now, patting his back, “We just have to… let it happen.”
Ann sighed. “It’ll happen… or it won’t…” She pulled her head up and out of the pink clouds that had replaced her floor, and then shook off her frown. Couldn’t let anyone else see it. She didn’t want to bring down the mood by thinking about the conversation she’d just ‘accidentally’ peeked in on.
She hopped and bounded across the gummy clouds towards where her friends were, and noted happily that Shade had whipped up another set of s’mores for everycreature.
“Alright ladies!” Pearl cried as her green magic aura took over one of the treats from Shady’s arctic blue, “One more s’more, and then I think it’s time we got our beauty rest!”
Moon Wane snarled, and hit Pearl with a glare, his cat-slit Batpony eyes on full display, “Okay, enough! We’re not all ladies here!”
A crackling flash of light followed… and Moon suddenly found himself dressed in an entirely too-pink Sunday morning dress, complete with ruffles and bows. He said nothing, instead closing his mouth, and turning his glare back around to Cheese and the just-arrived Ann, who snickered behind him.
“You’re despicable,” he growled. Moon immediately started ripping at the dress with his fangs.
Pearl tittered daintily. “I do apologize, Moon. I suppose it’s just a habit from watching too many of those Sports Plays. You know?” her voice picked up a dramatic flourish, “The ones where the downtrodden underdogs come together as friends and beat their uptown rivals? Admittedly, Papa always rooted for the rich, antagonist teams in those stories… and even paid off a production company to have the underdogs lose… on more than one occasion… oh dear, I think I have some apologizing to do one day…”
“I hear those movie film things are going to start using sound!” Goldie popped into the conversation, “Wouldn’t it be neato to see a Sports Movie!?”
“It would!” Pearl laughed, “Flawless was telling me that the humans from the Mirror World already have things like that, being far more technologically advanced that our fair Equestria. Cheese? Your Mama makes regular trips there, does she not?”
Cheese nodded, “She’s over there right now, actually.”
Moon, scraps of pink cloth in his teeth, frowned at that. “Uh…? Didn’t she drop you off here? And… didn’t she say something about heading off to Canterlot?”
“Different Pinkie,” Cheese shrugged, “She’s nice though. Got me a video game for my birthday last year…”
“You wewe talking to Flawless?” Ann started digging down deep into her sleeping bag, clearly choosing to ignore whatever it was Cheese had said.
Pearl nearly inhaled her s’more, and after a less-than-dainty gulp, said, “Why, yes. After we got our Cutie Marks together, I’ve found that filly’s attitude rather endearing… in a strange way.”
She used her magic to pull a small, stuffed ‘Tirek’ doll from her backpack and began snuggling down. “I think she just needed more friends, to be quite honest. In fact, I’m joining her, Dib, and Beau for some Buckball practice. Apparently, there’s interest in getting a foal-league going!”
Ann’s nose scrunched up as she listened, a tight feeling in her stomach growing… but she remembered how that felt from before. And telling some other pony what to do or who to hang out with was so… so… so similar to her Dad’s freakout last week…
So, she made sure to keep a smile on her face.
“Well… that sounds like fun! I guess it’ll just be the five of us this weekend…”
“Um, Ann?” Cheese piped up, “My Mom and Dad are taking me out to visit family this weekend. My cousin Petra Pie just got her Cutie Mark too, and Aunt Maud and Uncle Mudbriar wanted everypie there for the celebration. Sorry…”
“Ah that’s fine!” said Ann in her very best ‘that’s-fine-I’m-fine’ voice. “I bet me, Goldie, Shady, and Moon will get up to all kinds of shenanigans. Maybe even some chicanewy!”
Moon, back upside down in a tree made from popsicle sticks, coughed. “Uh, I got a martial arts tournament to go to, actually.”
“You… you do mawtial awts?” Ann glanced up at the Batpony currently using the shredded remnants of his dress as a blanket.
“My guardian, Penny Worth? She got me into it after my…” Moon looked away from his friends, “Anyway… I want to be a Royal Guard one day. Or a detective. So, I need the practice.”
Ann nodded slowly, her smile getting more and more… Not!smile as she went. “Goldie? Shady?”
Goldie at least looked a little guilty. “Sorry… my folks are taking me to Mount Aris. There was a big storm, and we’re distributing food donations. Sorry… sorry…”
“My, uh…” Shady preferred to watch his own forehooves, “My dad’s coming to visit… I guess I could reschedule for next… four years from now…”
“No!” Ann nearly landed on the mini-Celestia as she jumped. “No, no! Don’t do that! I’m fine! Weally! I’ll be just fine! It’s just one weekend, and then I’ll have you all back in time for the field twip, wight? Wight!”
Everycreature took a moment to look at their friend, the desperate, sleeping-bag-bound Ponequus with a mile-wide plastic smile bolted onto her face. But, predictably, before any of them could poke or prod her with a piercing question to see what was wrong, which might have led to a night of dramatic tension, laughter, tears, and the sort of reconciliation that lasting bonds of love and fellowship are forged from…
Screwball popped into existence.
“HEY KIDS WANNA PARTY!?”
Once they were done screaming, and crying in Moon’s case, the colts and fillies did indeed party another twenty minutes before Fluttershy kicked Screwball out for noise violations and they all collapsed from exhaustion.
No questions asked, sadly…
Weekends. Weekends, at least for a teacher, made the weekdays bearable. And for the Headmare of an entire school, who also taught at the school? Weekends made weekdays survivable.
Starlight Glimmer sighed contentedly as she finished her paperwork for the day. She’d started at sun-up… or nearly so. Sunburst had some trouble getting the human-built coffee maker working, so Starlight had to take a quick detour to the human world across Starswirl’s mirror, wake up fellow Principal Sunset Shimmer, who was also in dire need of morning coffee before writing up her own paperwork for Canterlot High School, travel to the mall to pick up more coffee makers for both of them, and then swing past the human Pinkie Pie’s place for a mug of ludicrously caffeinated and sugar-saturated coffee before she could return to Equestria.
The paperwork itself didn’t stand a chance, despite Starlight now being so jittery she could hardly see straight and despite her only getting started on it at half-past ten. But now, it was just about noon, all the work for the day was completed, her family were waiting for her back at the Castle of Friendship for quality time, and there was a scrumptious egg and daffodil sandwich waiting in the fridge with her name on it.
So, with a merry tune in her heart, Starlight locked up the school and cantered towards home.
The walk was short, but bracing, as an unexpected cold front had blown in the night before. Apparently, Appleloosa had ordered a delay on their rainshowers, and the cold air had to go somewhere, so Ponyville was the natural dumping ground for bad weather this month.
“Stinkin’ weather teams…” Starlight’s best friend and School Counselor, the Great and Powerful Trixie, groaned audibly as they made the short crossing from the school to their home in Twilight’s old castle, “Can’t you make a spell to fix the weather, Starlight? Even I’m not this blue all the time…”
“I did, once,” the lavender unicorn shrugged and pulled her scarf tighter about her neck, “But Twilight said I’d put Cloudsdale out of work, and the other princesses guilted me into erasing it from my memory.”
Trixie paused, briefly in shock before a cold gust convinced her to continue on. “R-really?” she asked, stuttering more out of the cold than curiosity.
Starlight snorted, “No! Of course not! That would be totally ridiculous...
“I only told them I erased it,” she tossed a light, wicked laugh over her shoulder, like a bad parody of the villainess she once was so very long ago. Trixie joined in on the good laugh as the two entered the far, far warmer confines of the Castle of Friendship.
While the lower levels of the castle interior hadn’t changed since Twilight’s ascension, it still being a public library by royal decree, Starlight had outfitted the whole structure with suites of spells to make it feel homier than its somewhat cold, crystalline appearance would indicate. The most noticeable of these were the Climate Control Matrices, which even now kept the library entrances and living spaces (the first-floor kitchens and the upper floor rooms) pleasantly warm while maintaining a cool, book-preserving chill in the library-proper.
None of the servants were on-duty today, and the library’s four permanent guards remained in the front hall as their charges walked in from the chilly outdoors. This suited Starlight just fine, as it meant more or less some level of privacy. She could see through the large, open doors that Sunburst and Luster were already sitting at their respective favorite seats in the library main room.
“Aw,” she bemoaned in dramatic fashion, “You’ve started without me?”
“Oh, Starlight! Don’t worry, we didn’t start the real book,” Sunburst’s smile beamed brightly, even as he never tore his gaze away from A Guide to Perytonia: Separate, But Equal.
Luster’s own tome, I Am Equestria, And So Can You! by Step-In Coltbert, lifted up in her magical grip, revealing her own excited face. “C’mon Mom! Once you grab lunch, we can get started on Indeedy Do and the Alicorn Amulet!
“And once we get started on reading it,” she shook herself with a gleeful chuckle, “We can write our literary analyses and cross-examine our findings! Ooooh! I’m so excited! I bet it’s secretly a deconstruction of the adventuring genre… oh! Or perhaps a subtle political satire…?”
Trixie rolled her eyes. “First, I can’t believe I live with so many neeeerrrrrds,” she dragged out the word until both Starlight and Luster started giggling.
“Second,” she sniffed and made her way towards the kitchen, “Since I’m in that one… and the little twerp left in all the embarrassing bits I told her not to… those books lost all their magic for me.”
Starlight, following her friend with a wry grin on her face, said, “You can’t still be mad at Indy. It wasn’t like she meant to lead the cultists to that Alicorn Amulet…”
“Meh neh,” Trixie mocked, “She didn’t mean to! That little runt caused me nothing but trouble, and I still got blamed by Sparkle for it afterward! I swear, she never lets me slide on anything. I knew she was still sore about me and Starswirl…”
“Uh, Trixie? I think she was more upset, at least for a few minutes, by the way you collapsed an archeological site on top of her when she came to rescue us.” She added with a wince, “That pyramid looked heavy…”
“Details!” Trixie cried as they reached the castle kitchen, “I thought she was Sombra, returned from the shadow realm to attack us...”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Nah,” Trixie snickered, “I didn’t.”
The two unicorns shared another laugh. Besties for life.
“Anyway,” Trixie trotted over to the fridge, “You pour some cider for everypony, and I’ll grab the…”
She swung the fridge door open, and stopped dead.
There was something in the fridge. It looked like…
“Hi! Nice to meet you! I’m…”
The door slammed with all the force Trixie could throw behind her magic. She spun around to brace the door and hold it shut.
“STARLIGHT!” she gasped, eyes bulging in their sockets, “Discord’s possessed Fluttershy! And he’s hiding in the fri-i-i-idge!!!”
Starlight frowned, her eyes narrowing as her jaw worked. “What…? Discord possessed… oh! No! Trixie, I think that’s…”
Before she could say more, the sound of groaning pipes picked up. The cabinet doors shook, and the pots and pans rattled. A clanking, banging sound ran through the crystalline walls from the refrigerator all the way to the sink, Trixie and Starlight following along with their eyes.
The sink gurgled for a moment, and then began to pour out bright yellow water. Well, for a moment. Then, a few splotches of dark blue passed through the stream… followed by black and pink. But as Starlight watched, more curious that Trixie’s wide-eyed terror, the clashing mixture instantly began to reform, until…
“Ow!” Ann gripped her head with both hooves, “That weally huwt… I hope you didn’t bweak anything.”
Trixie tried to shake her surprise away, yet only managing to work it down to a mild panic. “W-what are you doing to Fluttershy, you creep?”
“Trixie,” Starlight chided her friend, “That’s not Discord. It’s his and Fluttershy’s foal.”
She turned back towards the Ponequus currently squeezing ice cubes out of her hair by wringing it out in between her hooves. “Anarchy?”
“Pwesent!” the filly hopped down from the counter before shooting Starlight a wide grin. “My weputation pwecedes me. I’m Anawchy! Nice to meet you.”
Starlight giggled, in spite of herself. “Indeed! And… aren’t you a cute little thing?”
“Weird, to be more accurate,” Trixie said without even trying to hide the fact she was staring at the little filly.
“Aw, gee!” Ann scuffed the floor with one forehoof, her mane falling down across her face in a way that instantly reminded Starlight of Fluttershy, no doubt hiding the same sort of embarrassed smile as her old friend.
Before she could say anything else, Ann felt a weird, tickling sensation pass over her. It made her stomach squirm and her hackles raise, and she couldn’t help but feel like a cat getting a face full of a spray bottle. She grit her teeth against the feeling, but it just kept going, on and on.
“Eugh,” she groaned, and pressed a hoof to her temple to try and make it stop.
Starlight’s horn stopped glowing, cutting short her scanning spell, and Ann’s obvious discomfort.
“Oh, whoops,” the older mare lowered her head, chagrined, “Sorry! I… might have gotten excited there. I’ve never gotten to examine Chaos magic like this up close…”
Trixie rolled her eyes, “Starlight, I’m uncomfortable being the responsible one of us, but you can’t go around magically scanning fillies without their permission.”
Having shaken loose the last of that skin-crawling feeling, Ann gazed up at the purple unicorn. “Weally?” she asked, her face agog.
Starlight nodded vigorously, her voice pitching up in excitement, “Absolutely! Your thaumic constitution is spectacular! Your cohesion matrix is… well, I never knew Discord could work regular magic, never mind something as complicated as an autonomous animus and personality core overlay…!
“Trixie!” she spun around to face her friend, “Take a look at her ontological strings. Did you see how he parsed them with a tensile arc and a multi-pillory case?”
“You know I barely understand that nerd stuff. I’m a practical mage, not…” Trixie managed to say before Starlight cast a quick spell that sent a white light snapping between their horns. Trixie blinked rapidly for several seconds afterward, seemingly lost in her own head.
Then, the showpony glared, “Starlight! I don’t appreciate getting spellbooks dumped in my… brain…”
Her eyes went wide as saucers. Trixie’s mouth worked wordlessly for a few moments, adjusting to the new information, and then she turned her eyes towards Ann, who was still staring back at the adults with a mixture of confusion and annoyance.
“Huh… that is clever…”
Ann frowned, “What is? Is it… bad?”
Starlight’s gaze held on the Ponequus for another second… before her old counselor instincts finally kicked in, causing her to shake herself free of her awe and excitement over a new magic puzzle to solve.
“Oh… I’m sorry, Ann,” she tried speaking slowly, hoping to calm herself as she spoke, “It’s good. Very good. Your dad did… frankly, an amazing job making you. Are you aware he…?”
She scrunched her face up in thought, wondering briefly how to simplify what she was trying to ask. Ann was, at least mentally, still a child, after all.
“Are you aware of things you can’t do? Even with Chaos magic?”
Trixie snorted, “That sounds like the essay Scootaloo assigned for her Philosophy class…”
“Um,” Ann looked to her hooves, as if examining them. “I guess… I can’t fix things,” she said slowly, expecting this to be a trick question of some sort, “and… I can’t transform all that well…”
“Why not, do you think?” Starlight’s forehooves tapped erratically, trying to purge her system of that nervous, obsessive energy that started her scanning the poor thing instead of making proper introductions.
Ann tilted her head, and looked up again. “Safety Featuwes?”
Starlight smiled, “Exactly! It’s quite remarkable seeing something like that combined with Chaos magic. I’d almost believe it was impossible, but here you are.”
Trixie waved one hoof in Ann’s direction, “So? What do they do, and why would Discord of all creatures want there to be ‘safety features’ on his little pet?”
“Hey!” Ann scowled.
Even Trixie, Great and Powerful though she was, had the good graces blush in slight embarrassment at that. “M’sorry,” she muttered.
Starlight sighed, but clearly wanted to press on. “Well… I suppose it’s because he didn’t want another Discord.”
She pointed one hoof at Ann. “See, Chaos is Chaos, right?”
“Yeah?” Ann nodded, following along so far.
“Well, Discord is the Spirit of Chaos. So, making a new Chaos being is just going to wind up being Discord, eventually.”
Trixie winced and shivered at the thought.
“But,” Starlight’s eyes briefly sparkled as she contemplated everything that she’d seen with her brief scan, “Discord put in rules when he made you. Like… you’ve been locked out of being able to change your physical body, right?”
Ann frowned again, though this time at something neither of the two mares could see. “My wandewing lithp…”
“And there’s rules in you that stop you from changing that,” Starlight felt herself falling into a teaching groove, and decided to just go along with it for now, “or, for example, turning your lungs into cheese. Which would be bad if you didn’t know how to breath without lungs, which I also assume you don’t know about yet.
“But more,” she continued after a quick breath, “Discord made sure you couldn’t change parts of your mind or personality, or the minds of others.”
“Messing with minds? Sounds like somepony I know…” Trixie whispered, though it didn’t appear Starlight heard the slight.
“Wait…” Ann sat back on her haunches, “So, did Dad… plan on me being… me?”
Starlight paused for a moment, then glanced up to her horn, and then back down to the filly before her. “May I?” she asked, her turquoise aura burning bright.
Ann considered it, then nodded slowly. She braced herself for that weird, nauseous feeling again. When it swept over her, it didn’t feel nearly as bad as before, and for that she was thankful.
Once Starlight’s scan was done, she smiled warmly at Ann, and said, “Oh, don’t worry about that, Ann. It looks like your Dad just… made sure you could develop a personality. One different than his own. I’m… shocked to say this, but Discord actually seems to have thought this through.”
The sound of hoofsteps clopping on the crystal floors outside the kitchen was heard moments before Luster Dawn’s head poked around the doorway.
“Hey, Mom? Trixie? We’re gonna start without you if… oh, uh, what’s this? Ann?”
Ann, already smiling lightly at what the Headmare had said, perked her ears up and gave a little wave. “Hello Lustew! How awe you?”
“Good so far. I was hoping to have some family time today, since all my friends are busy,” she gave her mother and aunt a look, “But it looks like you needed something?”
“Oh,” Ann sagged a little, “Youw fwiends are busy too?”
Starlight took a step closer to Ann, just enough to establish a warm, comfortable presence for the filly. “Is that why you’re here today? Are you… worried about your friends?”
Ann’s eyes lit up for a moment, remembering her reason for dropping in today.
“Actually… I came to ask you something,” she drifted up to Starlight’s eye level, seemingly without flapping her wings once, and met the older mare’s gaze with her own.
Starlight, despite her years as a counsellor, Headmare of the School of Friendship, and in general a long life of accepting other creatures as they were… couldn’t help but feel a cold, animalistic sense of dread as she met those yellow and crimson eyes.
“Um, alright? Shoot. I’m always willing to hear you out.”
Ann swept her eyes about, settling briefly on Trixie, and then Luster. “In pwivate?”
Luster was already nodding at the request and slowly backed from the room, while Trixie glanced between Ann and Starlight with a raised brow.
“Ah, Trixie?”
“Alright, alright,” she sighed, “Just let me get my lunch and I’ll go…”
Ann’s tail, however, seemed to have a different idea, as it lifted up on its own accord and began forming what looked like a rudimentary claw.
“Nah,” Ann smirked, “I got this…”
Teleportation was and is one of the trickiest forms of pony magic. The Alicorn Princesses were capable of using it effectively, with Twilight Sparkle being the undisputed grandmaster of teleportation magic… as well as magic in general, for that matter. Starlight Glimmer considered herself nearly as adept in the art, though that was more due to her brute-force approach to magic as opposed to skill, finesse, or training. She knew the shortcuts, and how to mercilessly abuse the loopholes the system gave her.
Chaos Magic though… was different. Its loopholes had loopholes, and trying to sort out its calculations was like trying to translate the legalspeak of an entire team of crooked lawyers. If Discord could be trusted to have ever spoke the truth on the matter, it even seemed like Chaos changed how it worked, just to keep prying unicorn eyes away from dabbling in it.
All this just meant that no matter how many times she’d been transported by Chaos Magic, be it measured in hoofs, miles, or anything even remotely metric, Starlight could never get used to Chaos’ own peculiarities when it came to moving between A and B.
Which was why, while Ann landed perfectly where she intended, sitting in the guest chair across from Starlight’s desk, the Headmare herself dropped ten feet out of the sky, and smashed headlong into a bookcase.
Ann drew in a breath through closed teeth at the sight. “Ooooh,” she cringed, “Sowwy about that. I don’t know what happened…”
Starlight groaned as she stood, her magic instantly snapping up fallen books and returning them to their proper place. “It’s fine. Chaos probably just… doesn’t like me. Me being The Mare, and all.”
Once Starlight had a moment to look around, she groaned in a very different way. “I thought I was done with this office for the day…”
“I’m sowwy,” Ann said quickly, her wings reflexively taking up another ‘snapping’ position, “You wanna hit the beach? A fancy café? Maybe the moon… yeah! Auntie Luna took me and Cheese thewe once! It was nice… except thewe wasn’t actual cheese…”
“It’s alright, Ann,” Starlight tittered as she trotted back to her desk chair and took a seat, “I’m not mad at all. It isn’t like I don’t live a minute away, right? Just relax.
“Tell me,” she placed her hooves up on the desk itself and gave the little filly her best ‘listening’ face, “What’s bothering you?”
The room was quiet, this fall day. Wind gently shook the windows in their frame, just enough to remind Starlight that it was there, and the sound of a ticking clock could be heard high up on one of the nearby shelves. As soon as the two creatures had appeared in the school, Starlight’s heating spells had kicked in, taking the chill out of the room.
Ann hesitated. Now that she was here, it was only a matter of time until she had her answers… and for some reason, that terrified her as much as not knowing…
“I…” she took a deep breath, held it, and waited til her heart slowed down to continue.
“I heawd you knew evewything thewe was to know about… Cutie Marks,” she smiled, just faintly, as her lisp allowed her a brief reprieve, “Is that twue?”
Starlight’s face hadn’t moved when she heard the question. In fact, the amount of movement, either conscious or unconscious, that didn’t happen was quite noticeable to anyone who wasn’t Ann at that very moment. The Headmare blinked once, after about half a minute, and with a simple flash of her magic, she summoned a glass of water.
Hydration completed, Starlight looked back at Ann.
“I suppose you could say that, yes. Is there any particular reason you were interested in them?”
“Well…” Ann stood up in her chair and half-turned to present her flank, blank, to Starlight. The Ponequus’ face flushed with just a hint of embarrassment.
“Ah,” Starlight’s eyes widened, and a knowing smile brightened her countenance, “I see. Every young filly worries about not getting her Cutie Mark before any of her friends. But everypony develops differently, and I’m sure you’ll not be the last…”
“I am the last,” Ann frowned.
“… Oh.”
Ann sat back down, her forehooves draped over one arm of her chair. Her voice came out quietly, “Flawless and Pearl got theiws togethew at the Buckball game… and Cheese alweady had his. Even Beau got his two days ago…”
“Hmmm…” Starlight mused, quietly herself. Now, logically, most ponies in her position would probably assume that Ann was worried about the typical fillyhood fears of being left behind or shunned by her friends. Starlight knew, intimately, that sense of loss and broken-heartedness.
But Starlight had also, long ago, learned to follow her gut when tried to tell her something. And right now, it was screaming at her.
“You’re not worried about your friends abandoning you.” It was, in no way, a question.
Ann locked eyes with the Headmare. Except for the colors, it looked just like a look Fluttershy often made, one that could instantly communicate her feelings of queasy anxiety to her closest friends. To this, she added her own twist; a slow, soft shake of her head.
“Nevew,” she said.
“Good,” Starlight nodded, “So you’re worried about… what? Not being a pony?”
The filly shrugged. Then, with enough hesitation in her voice to make Starlight think she were listening to Fluttershy herself, Ann said, “D-dad said… he said that you wewe a wizard at Cutie Mark stuff, so I t-thought… maybe you w-wouldn’t mind…
“Could you give me a Cutie Mark?”
For a moment, just a moment, Ann thought the clock had stopped. Time seemed to hang in the air like a black cloud that hadn’t yet let loose a drop of its rain. If it hadn’t been for Ann’s innate sense of Entropy, the constant breakdown of the universe that lay at the heart of Chaos, she might have believed it.
Starlight just stared. This time, not even a muscle twitched. Her purple eyes just locked with Ann’s… and stared. Seconds slowly became minutes as the two sat and met one another’s gaze.
Finally, Starlight exhaled loudly through her nose and closed her eyes, reminding Ann that she hadn’t let go of her own breath either since she’d asked her question.
The clock chimed, quarter past the hour.
“No,” Starlight said with finality.
Ann lowered her head, and sighed. “I… I undewstand…” she blinked away the itch in her eye before it could bloom into full tears, and hopped out of her seat.
But as Ann turned towards the door, Starlight coughed.
“I said ‘no’, Ann… but not why I said it.”
Ann paused, halfway towards the doorway, and looked back around.
Starlight closed her eyes, silently composing herself. When she opened them again and spoke, she tried to hit that point somewhere between Teacher and Friend that she knew Ann needed to hear now.
“First,” she said, slowly, “Cutie Marks happen when they happen. They’re not foalscout badges. Any spells I know wouldn’t make one appear before its time. I could look into the future to see what Cutie Mark you may get one day… but Time Travel’s even more reckless and stupid than Cutie Mark Magic, and I’ve messed with both too often already.”
Ann tilted her head to one side, still listening, but perhaps not quite grasping what Starlight was getting at entirely.
So, Starlight continued. “And second… Cutie Marks are more than a representation of a pony’s talent or skill. It’s more than even a reflection of our souls. It’s Destiny.”
Fully turned back around, Ann gasped, “But… Destiny is the opposite of Chaos!”
“Right!” Starlight pointed to Ann like a student who’d caught on to a tricky question, “So what might happen if I tried to force a bunch of Destiny all at once into your system? You’re still mostly Chaos…”
Ann’s eyes drifted slightly apart as she boggled over the thought. “Anathema…” she whispered.
Starlight opened her mouth to speak… and had to pause for several long, awkward seconds as she pondered how the filly before her had learned that word. Probably hanging around Pinkie’s son too long, she decided.
“You would either explode,” she said, shaking her head to clear her other thoughts, “Or fade away… again.”
“You… you heawd about that?” Ann cringed.
“We’re all part of a grand circle of gossip, your folks and me,” the Headmare nodded solemnly, “Your mother and Cheese’s told Rarity, Rarity told Twilight, Twilight told Luster, and Luster…”
“Told you?”
Starlight smirked, “No. She told Celeste, who told me. Want a tip? If you ever have foals of your own one day, bribe the foalsitter…”
Finally, Ann blinked. And for a moment, Starlight’s heart felt like it was breaking in her chest as she watched the little filly’s eyes shimmer and glisten with tears.
Ann sniffed, and looked back down to her hooves. “I… I’ll nevew…”
“Not necessarily,” Starlight half-whispered, her eyes fixed on the poor filly before her, “Sure… brute force won’t help you here in this specific case. Ann? Have you ever heard the saying, ‘There’s always a small amount of Chaos in every ordered system?’”
Ann nodded, looking back up at the lavender mare, “Dad has it fwamed in his study.”
“Well,” a gleam came into Starlight’s gaze, a spark of mischief alight, “The opposite is also true… that there’s always a pattern to even a completely chaotic scenario…”
Not for the first time today, Discord shivered. Despite the room he was in being quite warm from the roaring fireplace, it felt like…
“Discord? Ya’ll okay?”
The Draconequus tried to put it out of his mind, “Just felt like someone walked over my grave. A far more common occurrence than you’d think.
“In any case,” he returned to the contract laid out before him, “I don’t suppose you want a particular gender or tribe association for Zap Apple?”
Fluttershy, sitting besides her husband in the Apple living room, cooed, “Ooooh! Is that the name you’re going with? It’s so cuuute!”
“It’s not cute!” Rainbow slammed her hoof on the table, shaking everycreature’s drink, “It’s awesome! I don’t do cute…!”
“Landsakes,” Applejack pulled her hat down over her eyes irritably, “I don’t care so long as she or ‘e’s healthy an’ looks like me n’ Dash.”
Rainbow leaned forward, and stage-whispered, “But… rainbow mane, got it? I got family traditions too…”
Caught back up in a wonderful bit of Chaos, Discord, with pen in claw, completely forgot about the odd feeling that had threatened his good time…
“If you give it time,” Starlight continued, “I’m sure that Destiny will pull through, and you’ll get your Cutie Mark. You just… have to be patient.”
Ann sighed. It made sense, what Starlight was saying. And to some degree, it did make her feel better. Still…
“I just hate the part whewe I have to wait,” she said as she returned to the desk and got back up into her seat, “It’s like, not knowing is wowse than if I knew one way ow anothew.”
And just like that, that spark in Starlight’s eye blazed to life. With a smirk, and the knowing gaze of somepony who just remembered how to spit in the world’s eye, she said, “What if I told you that you didn’t have to wait to find out if you’ll get one or not?”
Ann’s interest was back, if her own glinting expression could be believed. “What do you mean? I thought you said…?”
“I can’t make your Cutie Mark appear out of thin air,” Starlight’s magic aura drew up a quill, ink, and paper, and she began to rapidly scribble out something across one whole side of a page, “But I can help you find out for certain if you can have one at all!”
With a little pop, Ann appeared atop Starlight’s chairback, staring over the accomplished wizard’s shoulder at the arcane runes and circles and calculations taking shape. Anathema or not, such spellcraft was beautiful to behold, like a wondrously dangerous bit of Order disguised as Chaos.
“How?” Ann growled in excitement.
“This spell is… well, a bit of a shortcut,” Starlight explained as she worked, “I’m stitching together three or so spells together. Starswirl’s Destiny was the spell Twilight used… well, ‘fixed’ is more like it, to ascend and become an Alicorn. I’m tying its core component to a couple of mods, altered spell bits that usually don’t do much on their own.
“This one,” she pointed at one mass of numbers and symbols that made Ann’s eyes water to look at, “was actually something Rarity and I came up with. It translates gut-feelings and intuition into a virtual dowsing rod, and then plaenshifts the signals through a chronolock, which…”
Starlight finally looked back up at Ann behind her… and noted the glassy stare she was getting in return.
“Ahem,” she cleared her throat, equally embarrassed and annoyed at the lack of appreciation for her work, “Anyway… it basically takes a look into the future and returns a simple Yes-No result. All I have to do is key the spell off the question of you getting a Cutie Mark one day.”
Ann was quiet, at first. Then, a low, low giggling sound escaped from her throat. After a few more seconds, it graduated into an excited, squealing laugh.
“Well, why didn’t you say so!? Let’s get going!”
A snap of her wing-fingers was all it took for Ann to appear in the center of the room, Starlight’s written spell plastered in black ink on the rug, writ large. Ann pranced in place, giggling as she stared at the magical markings. She was so excited she might… she might…
Starlight began to worry, slightly. She’d never seen anypony trigger one of Pinkie Pie’s surprise party cannons before, outside of the party planner pony herself, but now she had. And now she had a great big mess to clean up later.
Happily, she also had a spell to remove the confetti which descended en-masse onto the room. She cast it, casually, and moved over towards Ann, only slightly scowling as she stepped over the ink soaking into her new carpets.
“Alright, calm down there, my little pony,” she managed to smile through all of the above, “Give me a moment. I forgot to add Trixie’s mod.”
“Twixie added something too?” Ann paused, “Shady said she was a gweat and powewful magician. She used to do shows all the time in the Kiwin Gwove.
“What did she add?” Ann could hardly contain her excitement. She hadn’t seen the Great and Powerful Trixie’s shows firsthoof, but Shady had when he was little, and Cheese seemed to really, really like them, so whatever she added to such an amazing spell was sure to be, well…
Great and Powerful.
Starlight suppressed a little groan, and then said, “She made the Indicator component. If my horn turns Green, the answer to our question is a ‘Yes’, and Red if it’s ‘No’.”
By way of demonstration, Starlight’s horn flashed green. And then, with a soft click-click sound, it became red.
Click-click, Green. Click-click, Red. Then, off.
“That’s…” Ann wasn’t sure what to say to that. She actually wasn’t sure if there was anything that could be said outside of a long, exasperated sigh.
“Underwhelming, I know,” said Starlight, laughing at the memory of watching Trixie nearly burn herself out coming up with the spell, “But, it really is impressive. For some reason I’ve never understood, flashing lights and Mane magic are usually considered near-impossible schools to master, and yet Trixie practically specializes in them…
“But enough about that. Are you ready?”
“Weady!” Ann puffed out her chest, as if in challenge.
Starlight pointed her horn directly at her target, and a wave of bright blue light began to build around her. Magical energies surged all around the room, fluttering loose paper and rattling books and picture frames. Starlight’s face was stuck in a determined grimace, sweat immediately forming on her brow.
And it wasn’t easier for Ann. The Ponequus stood still as stone as a light ticklish feeling started at her hooves and began to work its way up her legs, her torso, her tail and her muzzle, even passing to the tips of her ears. But as the tingling sensation continued, it shifted from slightly funny to uncomfortable, like her whole body was falling asleep and contracting all at once.
But the discomfort passed as well. Ann had clenched her eyes shut against it when it touched her nose, and though her lids still felt heavy and sluggish, she was able to open them without much trouble.
The room looked like a whirlwind had passed through, leaving paper and books strewn about, but Ann and Starlight appeared completely fine.
Starlight’s horn shimmered…
Click-click, Green.
Ann gasped, a smile breaking out instantly across her…
Click-click, Red.
Her breath caught in her throat. Ann felt the smile slide right off…
Click-click, Green.
… What?
Click-click, Red.
Click-click, Green.
Red.
Green.
Click-click.
Click-click. Click-click. Click-click.
“Miss Stawlight…?”
“Give it time,” the Headmare smiled gently while looking up at her horn, “The spell’s working through the data.”
Click-click.
Click-click.
For almost a minute, Ann watched Starlight’s horn flicker from red, to green, to red, and back to green. Her eyes never wavered, never wandered. This was her Destiny… or, Not!Destiny. Either, or. Whichever it was though… all she wanted was to know what it was.
And, finally, she had an answer.
Click-click.
Green.
Starlight sighed, “Well, there you go. Just give it time, and…”
Somepony’s lips planted squarely onto the bridge of her nose. Starlight let out an awkward squawk and took a step backward, though far, far too late. Ann’s little hooves were around her neck, and the little thing was nuzzling her like a favorite aunt.
“Oh, thank you!” she cried, tears of happiness (you could tell by the way they cheered) instantly flowing down Ann’s cheeks, “Thank you!”
At first, Starlight did nothing. But after a few seconds, she allowed herself the chance to hug Ann back.
“There, there,” she said, remembering how Luster was at that age with a little pang in her heart, “It’s okay.”
“I…” Ann pulled back, drifting through the air under the power of Chaos alone, “I hafta go! I hafta see Dad and Mom! I gotta tell them!!!”
Starlight watched with some wonder as the space around her office door suddenly ripped itself asunder. It was like watching a blanket tear apart in front of her, revealing a swirling, broiling mass of light and shadow that was the Chaos Realm. A fire hydrant drifted by. The sound of ducks bellowed from a vacuum cleaner.
A modest little house appeared atop a little patch of grass. Discord’s name was quite prominently displayed on its mailbox.
“Thanks again!” Ann laughed as she neared the portal.
“But…” Starlight gaped, “But you haven’t gotten your Cutie Mark yet…?”
Anarchy, the future Pony of Chaos, spun around with a manic grin.
“But I will! I will!!!”
And with a flourish, she nosedived back into the realm of Chaos. With a literal splash. The portal followed suit, vanishing into the ether like it hadn’t been there at all.
Starlight sighed. With a flick of her mind, she cast the reorganization spell she’d prepared for the room. Her magic instantly returned every book, paper, and loose pen back to its proper location. It even cleaned the floor, which was always a must for magic of this nature.
She trudged back towards the desk, and heavily sat back down into her chair. Her magic was spent. She’d have to send a message to Luster to come get her. Maybe after a nap. A nap sounded good right now.
But first… Starlight looked back up to her glowing green horn. With another sigh, she released the illusion spell she’d cast on it.
The blinking lights continued, unabated.
Click-click, Green.
Click-click, Red.
“Oh Ann…” a tear emerged as Starlight set her head down on the desk.
Click-click, Green.
Click-click, Red.
Click-click, Green.
Click-click, Red.
Click-click.
9 - The Pony of Chaos, Part 2 - Statues and Limitations
Grogar stood atop the train platform in Ponyville with a gnarled expression on his ancient and weathered face. He stood under a bright, clear morning sky with a warm sun just cresting the horizon, a literal gaggle of colts and fillies laughing and playing around his hooves. Their laughter, suffused with the very love of life and friendship that all ponies shared, joined with the crystal-clear birdsong that hung in the air. And that air was filled further by the warm scent of baked goods wafting over from the Sugarcube Corner, serving to warm every heart and touch every soul with the smell of cinnamon, chocolate, and crunchy, delicious bread goods.
Truly, this is the worst possible timeline, Grogar grumbled to himself. What did I do to deserve this?
He concluded that this was all because he wasn’t hard enough on the ponies way back in his day. Grogar was certain of that. Despite inventing the monsters that terrorized them to the modern day, and ruling over their towns and villages with an iron hoof, he should have done more to make their lives miserable.
As it stood, he’d been far too kind. This was the universe’s way of punishing him.
He thought this, only because he could not fathom worse.
“Hey there!” a chipper voice called out to the Dark Lord.
The Dark Lord cringed internally, realizing he’d only managed to jinx himself.
The voice had belonged to a male Kirin, one who had a dark brown coat and mane paired with eyes of nearly arctic blue. He trotted over with a spring in his step that any creature half his age would envy.
“I just saw you over here lookin’ so glum, I thought I’d come by and say hello!” he said, nodding his head in a short, polite bow, “Name’s Rainy Blaze! And how’re you doin’ today?”
Grogar turned his baleful eyes on the interloper.
“Ah, strong and silent type?” Rainy was unfazed, “Yeah, I know a lot of folks that do that. Good on you! Always nice to meet somepony that doesn’t need to put on airs or chit-chat to feel important.”
Rainy walked to Grogar’s side and stood there, happily drinking in the sight of two-dozen colts and fillies playing around the station platform. “Which one’s yours?” he asked.
After waiting for several seconds, during which time Grogar’s eyes narrowed significantly in a vain attempt to set the insufferable creature alight, Rainy just nodded towards one of the children.
“That’s mine, right there. Shade Bright. Good kid, smart as a whip. Takes after his mom in the old temper department though, you feel me?”
Rainy’s smile was infectious, or so he’d been told. There was an almost Pinkie-esque aura permeating his being, infusing the very air around him with pure, unadulterated joy.
But, in this case, Grogar did not ‘catch’ that joy.
“Harken to me,” Grogar’s deep, haunting growl emanated from the ancient ram with all the malice of an avalanche of venomous snakes that had been set on fire, “I do not care one whit for your words, your intentions, or your life. Every fiber within my soul howls for your demise, or at the very least for some terrible, calamitous fate to befall you and render you sick, dying, or utterly ruined in some fashion. Were I to be merely a few centuries younger, I would have already flayed your worthless hide and strung your desiccated soul betwixt my horns. The fact you are still alive and breathing is only because I long ago gave up all hope of being happy or content.
“Also, mine is the Ponequus playing with Shady,” Grogar snorted, and spat into the grass, “Apparently, they are friends.”
Rainy Blaze stared at the ram. His jaw seemed totally unhinged for how low it hung from his head. He swiveled his head around, back towards the children. He swiveled it back, and closed his mouth.
“Oh…” the smile returned, “So, you’re Ann’s Grandpa! How about that? I’ve heard so much about you, Mr. Grogar! Put her there!”
The worst timeline, Grogar sighed internally as he shook Rainy’s hoof, entirely under duress, Simply, the worst…
He was not suffering alone, however. Grogar could see the one other adult already here, a white-coated, pink-maned unicorn who seemed to gaze upon the ram with a mixture of uncertainty and pity, for now bearing the brunt of Rainy’s personality.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Twinkleshine mouthed silently.
‘You will pay in time,’ Grogar would have mouthed back, if he did such things. Instead, he simply passed along the sentiment with a blood-curdling glare.
Amidst the chattering foals on the train platform, Ann and her friends took up their own little corner of the crowd. Cheese was reading a book to Boneless #12 (Sun Zoo’s second-best-selling book, The Art of Muffins), while Dib, Beau (sporting his new Cutie Mark, a fancy tophat and sewing needle), Goldie, and Moon chatted idly about their weekend.
“Your dad seems nice,” Ann said to Shady, who watched his father and Grogar… doing whatever that was, with no small amount of cringing.
“Yeah… he’s nice,” Shady looked away, “But he’s also a little… touchy-feeling. Even for me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice… but all the time?”
Ann giggled, “I guess. My pawents awe both big into hugs, so I’m used to it.”
They turned back to Pearl and Flawless, who had up til this exact moment been deep in Buckball talks. And they still were, with Pearl going over her Papa’s attempts to get the legendary Snails to visit and give them personal lessons.
Ann didn’t really think much of it. Buckball was fun… but right now, all she could think of was hanging out with her friends after a long weekend. And as she thought, she couldn’t help but feel her hooves tap-tap-tap out a little ditty on the platform floor.
She’d woken up singing a musical number. And the tune was simply stuck now.
“… what my Cutie Mawk is telling me…” she hummed.
“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Flawless raised an eyebrow in question. She hadn’t meant to sound mean… but habits were hard to break.
Pearl seemed to agree, “Indeed, my dear! I’ve hardly ever seen you this happy. I take it you had a good weekend?”
A broad smile broke out over Ann’s face. “I’m gonna get my Cutie Mawk!”
Goldie’s voice caught their attention, “Oh!? You are!!?” She slunk over to Ann like a silent wall of fur and wrapped up her little pony friend in a massive hug.
“Oooh! When!? How do you know!?”
There was a pop, and all Goldie held in her paws was a pile of confetti. Before she could panic though, her eyes glanced up to see the Ponequus floating just beyond her grasp.
“… Sorry,” she grinned sheepishly, “Don’t know my own strength…”
“It’s fine,” Ann waved down her concern, and then landed once more. “I don’t know yet, actually.”
“Then…?” Beauregard (or, Beau Tie, as he had thought to call himself now) self-consciously tugged at the, admittedly very nice, scarf he’d sewn for himself, “How do you know you’ll get it?”
Ann leaned up against the larger unicorn with one elbow, allowing herself to confidently lounge in a usually-for-a-pony uncomfortable two-hooved stance.
“I have it from an implic… an impact… impecca… a good souwce,” she frowned at the word that failed to form properly in her mouth, “that all I gotta do is wait. I’m half-pony, half-Dwaconequus… so it might take me longew… but it’s a lock!”
Moon stamped his hooves appreciably, “Well, that’s great! I’m super-happy for you Ann. We all are!”
“Thanks Mo…” Ann’s voice caught in her throat. She narrowed her eyes, trying to see what she thought she saw. Just for a moment, it looked like…
“You alright, Ann?” Moon gulped and took one step back.
Ann frowned. “Moon? Did something happen?”
“W-what d’ya mean…?” nocreature could miss the slight pitch in the batpony’s voice just then. Except Cheese, but he was busy.
“Uh, something wrong, bud?” Dib stopped Moon from retreating further with one hoof on his withers. Then… he seemed to notice something too.
“You’ve got your sunglasses on again.”
“N-no I don’t!” he ducked his head and tried to side-step the changeling, one wing reaching up to press his glasses on as securely as he could. Moon turned around, his body language practically screaming Panic as he did so.
But as he turned, his nose nearly crashed straight into Ann… who occupied the space behind him, as well as where she’d been a moment before.
“What…?” Moon swiveled his head back and forth, utterly confused.
The Ann in front of him kept her eyes approximately on his, and said, “Moon? Did something happen? Your eye…”
Moon’s ears flattened against his head, and he bit his lip in frustrated panic. Then… he growled and used his long ears to flick his sunglasses up out of his eyes and onto his forehead. It was hard to see if you weren’t close, but Ann could see with the vision of Chaos.
And something quite Chaotic had happened to Moon’s face.
“Ooof!” Shady blanched as he got a look as well, “That looks like it hurt!”
Moon winced, and then brought his sunglasses back down again to hide the horseshoe-shaped bruise that lay shiny and swollen across his left eye.
“Dear me! What happened!?” Pearl sidestepped the Ann currently behind Moon and ran up to his side.
“Is that fwom youw mawtial awts touwnament?” Ann said… and then instantly regretted once she’d heard how it had sounded in her mouth.
Cheese, at least, took a moment to offer her a sympathetic look from where he still sat, reading.
“… yeah,” Moon sighed, scarlet blooming across his cheeks. He made a half-hearted smile, and added, “But you should see the other guy…”
“Immaculate, I’d bet,” Flawless chuckled, “Not a scratch on him? Or her…?” she added with a wry grin.
Moon blew a raspberry her way, and then looked back towards the Ponequus who’d just kept staring at him.
She just asked, sadly, “Did… wewe you afwaid to tell us?”
“Totally embarrassed, actually,” he kicked at the platform once, then cast his gaze around the circle of creatures who surrounded him, “I guess I kinda forgot that real friends wouldn’t care about that sort of thing.”
“Couwse not!” Ann laid a hoof on his shoulder, “We’d make suwe you wewe okay, and safe.”
Moon… couldn’t cry. He’d cried all the tears he ever could once before (and the sleepover didn’t count), and didn’t have anymore left in him. But he did feel a tight, warm feeling in his chest just then, and it was just enough to let him chance a smile.
“I… thanks, guys,” he turned around once to take in the smiling faces of his friends, “That means a lot…”
“And then we’d heckle you for it!” Ann let out a little giggle, which started the avalanche.
“I bet it was a filly, wasn’t it?” Flawless jumped in first. “Did she give you a number, at least?”
Pearl was hot on her hooves though. “Moon, dear? A little makeup could mask that little blemish nicely, if you’d just let me…”
“Dude!” Beau’s eyes went wide in wonder, “One word: Eye patch… oh, wait…”
Dib nodded vigorously, “It’s almost Nightmare Night, so you’d get a headstart on a pirate costume. You could go as Captain Hoofbeard! Or the Dread Pirate Rob Herbs!”
“So, you threw the match, right?” Goldie added, “I mean, the mob wouldn’t make you throw it for free, would they?”
“Um… oh,” Shady stammered, “You… uh, you stink at… fighting?”
Moon shook his head, a smile on his lips.
“I love you jerks too.”
And just a few steps away, Cheese glanced up over his book and took in the sight. He looked back towards Boneless, and gave a sage nod.
“A friendship lesson learned,” he sighed happily, “And it didn’t even take us thirty minutes this time…”
At that moment, Silver Spoon and Miss Cheerilee finally reached the train station themselves, leading the very last of the school-age foals to where they would all soon embark on their field trip.
“Alright, my little ponies!” Cheerilee cheerily cheered, “We’re just about ready to go…”
Silver Spoon stepped around her elder teacher and hastily added, “But… since Diamond Tiara came down with flu this morning, we’ll have to add more students to everypony’s group, so please, bear with me while we change up some things…”
Grogar groaned, quite loudly, drawing an annoyed glance from Twinkleshine, Cheerilee, and Silver Spoon, who went on to begin her mental calculations.
“Gwampa…” Ann warned from her place in the mob of foals, packed in between the griffon and the batpony she insisted on being friends with.
“I will not be subjected to any more children than is strictly necessary. I did not agree to chaperone half a dozen of you little beasts just to have half a dozen more thrust upon me… Silver Teaching Mare!”
The teacher spun around to face the Dark Lord, clearly trying to hold onto the last number she’d reached in her count, “Yes, Grogar? What is it?”
“How many more chaperones will we need if I wish to maintain our current count per squadron of children?”
Silver Spoon, despite all evidence to the contrary, was no fool. That much, Grogar could tell. She didn’t immediately take Grogar up on his offer, but instead seemed to mentally weigh her options before coming to a decision.
“What… what are you suggesting?”
Grogar let out a light, affable chuckle… which by his standards would still scar the dreams of half the children there that morning if he’d laughed loud enough for them all to hear… and marshalled his magical might. His horns flared with violet energy, and the distant, mournful dolling of a bell could be heard echoing in the distance.
The air shimmered… and a black gate appeared above the platform’s floorboards. Out from the blackness of the void, a sight straight from Nightmare Night stepped forth. The blackness closing behind, it gave a clattering rattle of its head, as though it were a living pony tossing its mane.
Everycreature gasped, beholding the pony skeleton.
“Cool!” said Moon, watching in rapt attention.
Silver Spoon’s eyes widened with shock at the sight, “I… what!? What is that!?”
Before Grogar could retort, he felt something tug at his elbow. Looking down, he saw Ann, glaring up at him.
“Gwampa,” she whispered, “You can’t chapewone if you don’t have any skin. That’s like… being naked!”
Naked? Oh…
And with a second blaze of his eldritch power, Grogar enacted the perfect spell to end this silly argument and get this awful field trip underway. The skeleton was bathed in violet gloom, and began to shake like it was suffering from the Pinkie Sense. Light burst from its eye sockets, and soon a fresh horror became apparent for all to see.
Muscle tissue and organs bloomed into existence, swirling and twining about the skeleton’s form, filling in and covering every hole and bit of exposed carcass that was. The writhing mass of flesh filled in slowly, eventually causing eyes to pop into place, and a tongue to stick out of her mouth as the still-shaking creature howled in abject pain.
Finally, a layer of creamy fur sprouted all along the earth pony’s flesh, and a bright-red mane and tail bloomed into existence, just beneath a strangely familiar black Stetson which popped into being atop her head. Her Cutie Mark returned last, a bright red apple wearing said black hat.
As the magic faded, the once-skeletal pony gulped down air to get her lungs working once more. Her shock and evident horror at the prospect of being alive was only matched by the shock, horror, and revulsion of everycreature around her.
Rainy looked like he was about to be sick. Silver Spoon was about to kick off and bolt for the hills. Twinkleshine and Miss Cheerilee merely gaped in fear.
The children… cheered and uproariously applauded the best… freakin’… magic show they’d ever seen.
“Awesome!!!” Moon leapt into the air and hoof-pumped.
Amid the cheers, Silver Spoon dumbly walked up to… whatever the new mare was.
“I… what…?”
“I restored the skeleton to flesh and blood,” Grogar explained, glad to be moving forward on this whole business at last. “That seemed to be your main issue, according to my grandfoal.”
“I was more concerned that you were dragging along an abomination,” Silver Spoon’s voice was… bizarrely calm to her own ears, but this seemed to be her reality now. “Um, is she alive again?”
The mare in question cocked her head to one side… and then looked over to Grogar with a clear question in her emerald eyes.
Grogar noticed. “Ah, yes. You may speak freely, my slave.”
The mare smiled, genuinely, and then sang out with a rustic twang, “Thank’ee kindly Master Grogar. It shur is nice havin’ the ole flesh an’ such back ageen.
“Name’s Frosted Apple!” she held out a hoof to shake… which Silver Spoon did not take hold of, “Bit of a Black Sheep of the Apple clan before mah demise… No offense, Master,” she offered an apologetic glance towards Grogar, “But Ah s’pose that’s life… an’ death, fer that matter…”
Grogar sighed, “I remember now why I ordered them not to speak…”
Silver Spoon stepped around the living nightmare that was Frosted Apple, and pressed herself into a conspiratorial huddle with its master.
“Mr. Grogar,” she growled, “What… in the wide, wide world of Equestria… is that thing!?”
“A Revenant,” he answered.
“And… is it going to eat any of the foals?”
Grogar pondered this for a moment, and then said, “No… not unless I give such a command.”
Silver Spoon leaned in close. Her eyes grew wide as saucers as her irises narrowed to dots, and for the first time in a long while, Grogar became ever so slightly agitated… nervous, even.
“It…” he coughed, “It is harmless. Completely under my direction.”
The gray and silver mare stared for another minute, then sighed, and nodded.
“Fine. We need the extra hooves. Group Six?” she turned around to face five fillies and a colt who were huddled close to each other, “Your chaperone will be Frosted Apple. Please mind her as we take our tour. Holler if you think she’s going to eat somepony…”
As Silver Spoon went to check the train schedule, Group Six audibly gulped and huddled just that much closer.
“Golly!” the undead mare beamed, “Ah ain’t been giv’n a job like that since mah cousin, Green Smith Apple, drove me outta town fer mah heinous ways.
“Is that an order ye wish me ta hold to, Master?” her head spun mechanically around, and held to an impossible angle as she watched her dread lord with unspeakable adoration.
Grogar sighed, “Yes. Safeguard those foals on this fieldtrip. Do not allow them to come to harm… I guess…”
“Gwampa…” Ann drifted up to the ram’s eye level, and fixed him with her own baleful glare. “You’we not supposed to subvewt the fwee will of intelligent cweatuwes!”
The Nec-ram-ancer chuckled darkly, “That entirely depends on whether you consider ponies…”
“Sapient cweatuwes, then!”
“Hrmph,” he snorted, irritably, cursing the Equestrian Education System for teaching Ann such vocabulary, “Fine. Minion…?”
Ann pressed her nose into her Gwampa’s coat, “Hew name is Fwosted…”
“Eugh… Frosted Apple?”
The named mare trotted merrily up to her master, and sat down expectantly.
Grogar scowled as he considered where he was to find another skeleton. Sure, the shadowy realm of darkness and horror in which he often spent his time held countless such thralls… but losing even one made him feel somehow poorer.
“Once this field trip has concluded… you are free, by my command. Go… back to wherever it is you called home before I found your shallow grave.”
Frosted stood and gave an exuberant nod. “Then, by yer Dread Word, Ah shall complete this task, mah Master.”
Grogar turned to gaze grimly at his grandfilly, “Happy?”
All he received in reply was a tight, warm hug around his neck. He didn’t show it, and would utterly vaporize any who claimed otherwise… but he almost considered that fair trade for one minion.
The Royal Canterlot Statue Garden was the very picture of serenity and beauty. The sun shone warmly, while the clouds passed listlessly in a gentle, cool autumn breeze. There was even a fresh bloom of flowers that covered the grounds, sprinkling a dash of red, blue, gold, and purple amidst the luscious green vista which framed over a dozen grand, granite and marble creations.
There was a statue of the legendary griffon King Grover, its plaque revealing it to be a donation from the Griffon Gourmand Guild by order of its founder, Gilda the Great. There was a statue depicting an alicorn clad in Royal Guard armor, the Unknown Stallion. There was a statue of colts and fillies holding hooves in a ring of friendship, and one of a blind filly holding aloft a crystal snowflake.
There was also a rather abstract piece that looked like a swarm of angry bees being devoured by an octopus, but whose plaque read ‘The Necessity of Speech’. Nocreature liked talking about it, but it was a Chipcutter original, and therefore… High Art. So, it had a place as well.
But around one statue in particular, no flowers bloomed, and even the grass seemed yellow and dry. Weirdly, it had been placed as the garden’s central piece, and while the staff went over the work orders to find out if the Princess had made a mistake or not, it would remain ‘proudly’ displayed. Still, despite being freshly washed and polished for display, the statue, which depicted a changeling Queen, an elderly centaur, and a scared pegasus filly looked like it was perpetually covered in a light patina of grime and dust.
It was quite a conundrum for the staff. Too bad they didn’t realize it was just a reflection of the rot within.
“I spy, with my little eye,” Lord Tirek wearily intoned, “Something… black.”
Cozy Glow tried… she tried gosh darnit… to dredge up even a smidgeon of enthusiasm for this game they’d been off and on playing for twenty years or so… and came up empty.
She sighed, “Is it the inside of your eyelid… again?”
“Oh my!” Chrysalis gasped in a voice that very really nearly approached within a country mile of a ghost of sarcasm. “Is the pony filly finally losing her achingly cheerful attitude? How will I ever survive this imprisonment without your cherubic laughter?”
Six years. Six years she’d been using that joke, and even with months-long slips into solipsistic silence and semi-slumber to occupy the Terrible Trio’s eternal minds, it had gotten old quick. Unlike herself, Cozy often noted. Twenty years past their last, failed scheme to unseat the Princesses and rule Equestria themselves… and Cozy was still no older than when she started. A cute little filly.
An angry cute little filly.
“Oh gee Chrysi,” she cooed, “If you’re not gonna play along with the game, then you can just. Shut.UP!”
“Never!” the former queen snarled back, “If I am to remain trapped with you for all eternity, then it shall be on my terms!”
Tirek’s voice returned, with the barest hint of laughter lifting his tone. He said, “Ladies, ladies! I know we may have had a rocky start…”
“Please, no…” Chrysalis sighed, resignedly.
He continued, “But you shouldn’t take our relationship for granite…”
Cozy groaned.
“But I believe, if you two can just stop stonewalling…”
“How long do you think this ‘Dad Joke’ phase will last?” Cozy asked nopony in particular.
Tirek nearly burst as he delivered his punchline, “Then our friendship will be… Rock Solid! Har! Har! Har!” He laughed loud, and hard. He laughed. And he laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And laughed until the laughter turned into something a little more like sobbing. He sobbed, and he sobbed… and after a while the sobs became laughter again, before Tirek sank back down into the familiar fugue the three had been in for decades.
Chrysalis sighed again. “I’d say it’s sad to see a mind go…”
“But your mind went years ago, right?” Cozy offered, deadpan.
Chrysalis grumbled, but said no more. She just sank back down into the darkness as well. And then, a few days later… or was it hours? Weeks? Minutes? Telling time was sometimes more an art than not these days. In either case, she came back around.
“Cozy?”
“Yeah?”
“… What’s my name again?” she asked, her usual calm crumbling slightly from a nameless fear.
“You’re Queen Chrysalis… same as last time you asked,” Cozy answered, quite used to this by now.
“Oh… okay,” the Queen’s voice returned to some semblance of controlled, “I’ve just been screaming ‘Starlight Glimmer’ so often in my head that… that I might have forgotten.”
Cozy was about to respond, perhaps with a withering put-down this time, when something else managed to draw a bare shred of interest out of her.
“Oh hey,” she said, “Look. I think that’s one of the fieldtrips. Whole school of foals thattaway!”
“That’s not very helpful,” Tirek harrumphed, “Still, more welcome than pigeons… slightly.”
Cozy and Chrysalis momentarily dropped their mutual venom to offer Tirek a noncommittal ‘welcome back’. Then, Cozy’s voice perked up, ever so slightly.
“Huh… that looks like Silver Spoon leading them. Guess she’s a teacher now.”
“Friend of yours?” Tirek only half-joked. At least it was something new.
“Nah,” Cozy laughed back, “But I think she was friends with those ridiculous Cutie Mark Crusader… foals…” her voice trailed off.
Chrysalis was shocked that the yappy filly had actually shut up for once; so shocked was she that she became instantly concerned. She couldn’t have Cozy sleep now, not when they could suffer together instead of alone.
“Cozy? Are you alright?”
“… I… I think I turned thirty last week,” Cozy said. Her voice, usually alternating between sickeningly adorable and apoplectic, was hollow, little more than a ghost’s whisper in the dark. And just for a moment, it sounded as though she were fading away entirely.
The moment passed.
“Eugh!” Chrysalis balked, “Another traitorous, colorful changeling nymph. What has this world come to!?”
Cozy’s voice, still weak, drew upon what snark she could and chuckled, “Yeah, not surprised. Twilight always liked giving the lesser races a place in her school…”
“Hey!”
“… And with her running the whole country now…”
“Wait!” Chrysalis shouted, “Wait, wait!!! What… what is HE doing here!?”
Tirek, naturally, asked, “Who? Who’s here?”
“Who do you think?” Cozy spat… or the spiritual equivalent, considering she was a statue. “The one who put us here…”
For the first time all morning, Tirek’s voice gained, fed by a sudden, spiteful swell of rage.
“Discord…”
“… and now, we come to the garden’s centerpiece,” Silver Spoon said with well-practiced words, having rehearsed every statue’s history to herself in front of her and Rumble’s bathroom mirror for a week, “Carved by Saddledor Drawly and Pinto Piclasso, the Prancing Pony represents… represents…”
The words died in her throat. As Silver Spoon approached the… statue… she had been running her mouth on auto-pilot. But once she realized that she wasn’t looking at a world-famous work of abstract art, but instead a nightmare from her foalhood… well, Silver Spoon would later thank Miss Cheerilee for some of the more obscure lessons she received as an apprentice-teacher.
One lesson in particular? Misdirection.
“Oh my!” she gasped very convincingly, and pointed off to the side, “Is that… Is that Songbird Serenade? The pop-star!?”
Every eye swiveled around to where she’d pointed… except for Grogar’s, which rolled around the dread ram’s head and seemed to ponder his life choices once again. Success! Ponies, especially foals, were weirdly gullible like that, Silver Spoon begrudgingly admitted to herself. But it worked out in her favor just now, so she wasn’t going to argue.
While the class looked away, Silver Spoon leapt to the base of the offending statue. For an instant, the sight of it stopped her heart. It hadn’t changed since her fillyhood. She’d only seen it once, right after it had been ‘created’, and even then it had that effect on her.
It’s so lifelike, she thought to herself, I can’t believe anypony would…
She ripped her eyes away and stared at the base. The Elements of Disharmony, it read.
Then, in bold letters underneath:
REPLICA
Oh, Silver Spoon’s breath went out of her, It’s just a replica? Well, that’s a good replica. Or… a horrifying one. Wait, if it’s good because it’s bad, then does that mean it’s bad at being good? Or…?
“I don’t think that’s Songbird Serenade,” Goldie said doubtfully, “Her plumage is all wrong…”
“Ponies have manes, Goldie,” Beau corrected.
“What d’ya mean?” said Dib, smirking, “Those aren’t antennae?”
Silver Spoon, however, was back to form. And, though it would take a bit of improvisation on her part, she was ready to roll with the bucks, as they said. Sure, there being a replica of such a… reprehensible statue had thrown her for a moment, but if it was just a replica, then all she had to do was smile and tell the little kiddos a story, right?
She didn’t seem to notice how fresh and clean and new the plaque was.
“As I was saying… this statue…!”
As the class returned its attention to their teacher, Songbird Serenade wiped a metric gallon of sweat off her brow and sighed in relief.
That was too close! How did they recognize me without my wig!?!?
“This statue,” Silver Spoon said with just a hint of the dramatic flourish, courtesy of Rarity’s six-week acting class she took years and years ago before teaching became the goal, “depicts three of Equestria’s worst villains, who acting together nearly destroyed all of Equestria. Can anyone tell me…?”
A bark of laughter interrupted her from the back of the group. Silver Spoon narrowed her eyes at Grogar and sighed. “Yes? Something you wish to add?”
“Merely my condescending disbelief,” he laughed, “that Equestria could be so easily brought to its knees by a pegasus filly!”
Grogar continued to chortle at the edge of the group, no doubt pleased at the implied suffering caused by something so seemingly adorable. It took Silver Spoon every drop of her self-restraint to not rise to the bait… at least, until she had a moment to come up with an appropriate comeback.
Like, “Yes, I suppose it is funny how a filly came closer to destroying Equestria than you ever did.”
The laughter cut short quite suddenly, and the blue ram’s shoulders slumped in a manner suggesting he did not have anything more to add to the lecture.
“Ahem,” Silver Spoon cleared her throat, and continued, “As I was saying, this statue represents those three creatures as Elements of Disharmony. Can anyone tell me what those elements might be?”
Near the front of the group, one colt chirped, “Are… are they supposed to be the opposites of the Elements of Harmony?”
“Very good, Pinwheel,” she nodded, satisfied, “Indeed! They are the virtues… or should I say, vices? That pull us apart, as opposed to drawing us together, as the regular Elements do. Does anycreature know what these three might represent in particular? What are the Elements of Disharmony?”
“Darkness?” an earth pony filly asked, even as she shrank away from the shadow cast by one of the nearby hedges.
Dib and Moon shouted, together, “Evil!”
“Chaos…” Flawless flinched as she felt Ann’s truly, truly most baleful glare hit the back of her head like a searchlight set to max.
Frosted Apple ventured, “A knife?”
Grogar whispered, “The Rack…”
A dozen more such answers came rapidly, each one a little more… off-topic than the last.
Beau’s finally snapped Silver Spoon’s patience like a candy bar.
“Hangnails?”
Silver’s voice, heightened already to carry across the gathering of chattering foals, cracked as she yelled, “NO! No, they…! Ah, that is…” she took a shuddering breath through her nose, and calmed.
“No… my little ponies… the Elements that drive us apart aren’t… those,” one eye twitched, but she covered quickly, and began pointing out the offending statues as she listed what each represented.
“The Elements of Disharmony are Fear,” she pointed to the centaur, “Ignorance,” the pegasus, “and Hatred,” she ended on the Changeling.
For making it up as I’m going, Silver Spoon smiled to herself, this isn’t going so bad. I can probably end with a little history lesson…
“… Which one did she say I was?” Tirek asked.
“What d’ya think?” Cozy growled irritably, “Maybe next time you get turned to stone, try not to whinge so much.”
“Next time!?” he howled with laughter, “If I ever get out of this, I’m done with Equestria. I’m sick of the villain game. Maybe Scorpan will take me back…?”
Chrysalis snarled, “Oh, pipe down! I’m trying to glower at that… that…”
“Not that glowering is a thing for us anymore,” Tirek sighed, “But what is he even doing here? Is he in-character or something?”
“Wait…” Cozy tried to adjust her hearing, not as difficult a task as one might assume with stone, “What did she just say?”
“Your Spoon-friend is talking about us,” Chrysalis huffed, “And she… what!? NO!”
Tirek sighed, “Oh what now?”
“I am NOT Thorax’s mother!!!!” the changeling queen’s roar could have cracked crystal, had it been at all audible…
Grogar’s ear twitched. Something just at the periphery of his spiritual awareness had done… something.
Huh… that was… interesting…
“… Unless he was my son," Chrysalis mused, "I don't remember, actually... That's not a good sign...”
“Yeah, we get it!” Cozy snarked and snorted, “Bug brain doesn't work too good anymore…”
A note of mirth entered Tirek’s voice as he spoke up, “And what did she just say? Cozy was the most-evil out of all of us? Well, that I can get behind…”
Cozy barked, “I am NOT evil! I was precocious! There’s a difference.”
“Nor was I,” said Chrysalis, mentally projecting herself as the truly innocent, morally righteous Queen that she knew she was, “I only did what I had to do for the survival of the Changelings!”
Cozy ‘frowned’ as best she could under the circumstances, “That one in the back looks pretty survived to me… hang on…?”
She tried to get a look at one of the other foals. It was strange how… floaty her field of vision was as a statue. It wasn’t quite lined up with her actual eyeballs, and she could narrow her focus on some things…
“I know I’ve complained about it before,” Tirek muttered, “but I could use a description or two right about now…”
“Ack!” Cozy retched, “What the buck is that thing!?”
“What? Which? Where?”
“The… the thing that looks like Professor Fluttershy!” Cozy could hardly believe something so… hideous could even exist.
Chrysalis gasped. “Oh… is that another changeling?” she ‘squinted’ at the creature standing next to the disguised Discord, “I’ve seen a few… let’s call them failed transformations, and that certainly looks like one. Though why it’s still alive is anycreature’s guess.”
Tirek tried, with monumental effort, to roll his eyes. “It’s like no one’s listening.”
“Quiet!” Cozy shushed, “She’s wrapping up…”
Silver Spoon had the class eating out of her hoof. Sure, maybe a lot of what she’d said was more conjecture and half-remembered rumors… but nocreature really cared so long as the story was good, right? She’d heard something like that from Trixie once, when the former showmare had given a speech for one of Silver Spoon’s university classes.
Never let a fact get in the way of a good story, she’d said, loud and proud. True… Princess Sparkle had subsequently driven her from the school grounds… but Silver Spoon always thought Trixie had had the right of it.
“Now,” she brought all her little ponies’ attention back to the present, “We have a half-hour until we get to have a little lunch in the Palace…”
A wave of ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ went up in time with a few appreciable hoof-stomps.
“… so, you all have that time to walk around the gardens and take in the other statues! Stay with your groups, and we’ll come back when I call everycreature in thirty minutes. Have fun!”
And with that, the groups began to go their separate ways. Frosted Apple’s group made an awful lot of sniveling and whimpering sounds as they moved off towards the Equus de Milo, depicting a mare missing her forelegs, which proved an eerie counterpoint to Frosted’s merry cowpony whistling. The other groups made far less fuss as they spread out over the gardens.
Grogar’s group remained with the Elements of Disharmony, if only because Grogar himself seemed somewhat interested in the statue himself. Besides Ann, Moon, Goldie, and Cheese, the group also included Flawless Gem and Dib. Pearl and Shady had gone off with their parents’ groups, and Beau had been folded into Frosted’s.
“Wow,” Cheese looked up into the snarling visage of the former changeling queen, “Can you believe our folks had to fight these guys, Ann?”
The Ponequus floated up to get a better view of the whole thing. The statue was weird… but she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. Normally, she’d check herself for thinking something so… anathema… but right now, she was also feeling like the statue was casting a sort of shadow over her. A shadow that went out in all directions, darkening the world around it.
No. Not a good kind of weird.
“She’s spooky looking,” Ann noted of the changeling, “Dib? You know anything about hew?”
Dib’s normally bright orange chitin-armor seemed to fade as he took in Chrysalis. “Eugh,” he gagged, “Just rumors and stuff. My folks were kids when she was overthrown, so I don’t have a lot to go on myself… but there’s a changeling teacher at the School of Friendship, Ocellus. She’s a cousin, distantly, and she told me stories…”
Flawless reached one foreleg over Dib’s withers and gave him a gentle, supportive hug, “You don’t have to say more, Dib.”
He gave her a smile in return, and nocreature seemed too concerned with asking more.
“Yeah,” Moon shook his head, “I just want to know what sort of trouble that centaur might have caused.” He looked the statue up and down for a few moments before adding, “I mean… it looks like a stiff breeze could have knocked this guy over.”
“Shut up! Stop laughing! If I still had living hands, I’d strangle both of you right now!!!”
In any other universe, timeline, or dimension… perhaps the elementary particles, quantum entanglements, and sheer vagaries of the winds of Chaos would have blown to the right. In those worlds, Ann and her friends would have moved on. They would have had a lovely time in the garden, a rather filling lunch where Princess Twilight and her friends would have made a surprise visit, and then they would have gone home, gone to bed, and lived long and happy lives thenceforward.
This was not going to be one of those worlds. Perhaps, when aggregated, the random rolls of the dice would flatten out the chances and the numbers and the variables until those same outcomes came about. Perhaps all would eventually be well for Ann, and Cheese, Pearl, Goldie, Shady, Moon, Flawless, Dib, Beau, Frosted, Grogar, Celestia, Luna, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Zap Apple, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Thorax, Silver Spoon, Cranky Doodle Donkey, Steven Magnet, Spike, Rumble, Discord, Starswirl, the Pillars, Background Pony #389 (the one with the mane, you know the one, yeah?), and on, and on, and on…
But that was when the winds of Chaos blew left.
And Ann had a thought.
“She looks… sad.”
Flawless, having been busy picking out which statue she wanted to see next (the one of famed sportsmare Messy Lion, of course…), raised an eyebrow at this sudden declaration. “Who?”
Ann drifted in place, using her wings more for lateral movement while her magic simply told gravity where it could go pound sand, and continued looking at the statue.
“The filly, um… Cozy Glow,” she said. Ann looked over the statue again. The filly couldn’t have been older than her… well, older than Cheese. Uh… as in Cheese, her friend. Not the dairy product.
Was she always so stuttery when thinking? How odd.
Cozy was small, and cute, as far as Ann could see. If she weren’t frozen in a horrified, existential grimace, she would probably have a very nice smile, complimented by those gorgeous curls in her mane. Or, the replica would. The real Cozy was probably buried deep in the Canterlot Vaults, in the Starlight Wing of the Restricted section of the library, or somewhere equally secretive and hidden, where nothing short of the blackest of black magic… or a bureaucratic foul-up… could ever hope to rescue her.
But Ann didn’t really think sensibly about that sort of thing. Sensible was for less-Chaotic creatures. ‘Gut feeling’ was good enough for Starlight Glimmer, right? So, it was probably good for her…!
Starlight sneezed.
This was unfortunate, as she had just locked her office, sent the staff away, and was about to tuck into examining a fascinating crystal some of her contacts in the Crystal Empire had sent her. It seemed to hum with arcane energies not unlike the Time spells she had once studied so closely. While she would never willingly touch such dubious spellcraft again… the chance to study some truly unique magic for a few hours was too good of an opportunity to pass up!
This was unfortunate, as Trixie and Luster had gone to the Mirror World to visit Sunset Shimmer, and had taken Starswirl the Bearded with them while Sunburst took the students of the School of Friendship on a tour of the tunnels beneath the Everfree Forest.
This was unfortunate, because Starlight did not have a dainty sneeze.
She smacked her head right into the crystal, and briefly blipped out of existence for a few hours. Which meant she would, in the blink of an eye to her, miss out on the entire day’s occurrences.
Ann grinned. Having that random thought couldn’t be just… random, could it? Not with her. No… this was Chaos, and in rare form!
Was her Cutie Mark just around the corner? Just past this one decision? It looked that way. And all she had to do was… what? Make a statue alive?
“I think she should join us!” she announced, beaming brightly as she could almost feel her Destiny approaching.
Dib’s jaw unhinged itself. He shook his head, as though he was trying to shake out the ‘crazy’ he hoped he didn’t actually hear. But once he realized he’d really heard what Ann had said…
“Are you completely out of your mind!?” he snapped.
Cheese nodded along, “I don’t usually say this… but why? I can get behind wacky shenanigans, but this just seems…”
“Reckless?” Dib offered, “Foolhardy? Completely beyond the bounds of sanity!?”
Ann smiled and shook her head, “Don’t you guys see? It isn’t weally Cozy Glow. I’m just gonna make the statue… um, hew pawt of the statue… come to life and hang out on ouw field twip!”
Grogar watched his grandfoal with some amusement. His eyes swept back and forth between her and the statue itself. Taking in the sight of the statue was fine, for most creatures, but Grogar was hardly most creatures. As he watched, he tuned his senses to the unique magical auras of the world around him.
Faintly, he could see past the stone flesh before him. Faintly, he could hear voices within the granite, alternating between howls of rage, laughter at one another, and even a mote of desperation between the strange, trapped spirits within.
He laughed, darkly, but quietly. There might be some fun yet on this miserable field trip…
Goldie gave Ann a look. It was the look of someone who very clearly had a bad, bad feeling about a course of action… but also wanted to give the one who came up with it the benefit of the doubt.
Surely, Ann knew what she was doing?
“If… I mean, as long as nocreature gets mad about messing with the statue…”
“It’ll be pewfect!” Ann’s pupils became stars as she began explaining herself with more and more furious energy and enthusiasm, “We don’t have a sad statue anymowe, and we get a new fwiend to hang out with!”
“But it’s Cozy Glow!” Flawless nearly shouted.
“Nope!” Ann smirked, “It’s a pwactice Cozy Glow! We can make hew alive… and, and then once we help her leawn about fwiendship… we’ll be like the real Cutie Mawk Cwusaders! Helping ponies out with their destinies and stuff!”
Cheese opened his mouth to say something… and closed it again. It… wasn’t a terrible idea. Philosophically speaking, anyway. It was a little disconcerting that Ann was diving into the whole… Cutie Mark and destiny stuff… but Ann was special that way. At least, to Cheese. Special to him, that is.
They were each other’s’ first friends, after all.
Flawless, seeing the writing on the wall and the stars in Ann’s eyes, sighed. “I want it on record, I think this is a bad idea.”
“Nocreature cares what you think of this,” Grogar smirked, “If Ann decides she must do this, then by all means, I support her! Power is worthless without a means of exercising it!”
“Gwampa!” Ann frowned, “I’m not twying to be evil or powew-mad or something… I just got a feeling about this statue, and I wanna fix it.”
He chortled, again, “Motive matters not. Action is all, my child.”
Though she kept up a little frown at that, Ann seemed content. She turned, and began to focus on the statue. There weren’t any strange weather phenomena, nor shaking of the world. To everycreature watching, it merely looked like Ann was meditating in the air. The fact that she was silently tapping into the endless gyre that was Chaos didn’t show in the slightest.
At least, until the black streak in her mane turned white-hot.
Had she been thinking more, and feeling less, perhaps she would have realized what was happening as well. As it stood, only Grogar understood that Ann wasn’t changing stone to flesh. She was undoing a spell, and one cast by several powerful beings at that. The fact that she was merely wishing for something to happen was all that Chaos required of her.
As Ann focused, her magic hummed around her. While the gardens were large enough to afford her group some privacy, or at least break line-of-sight with the others, Goldie, Flawless, Dib, Cheese, and Moon were transfixed by the white flame that built around their friend. Even Grogar found himself staring at the display.
This… he was shocked. Chaos didn’t behave like this. Chaos magic was always wild, like a live electric current set loose. It flashed and crackled, jumped and dove around and about. Discord made it look easy, because he’d had millennia to practice and hone his control… actually, control was too strong a word. Discord herded Chaos, guided it with stick and carrot.
But Ann... Ann was consumed in white flame. A flame that burned steadily, rhythmically. She was now the center of a corona. It almost beat the air, softly, like a distant heartbeat. It hummed as though it were singing. Her mane and tail turned completely white, the black streak returning.
Her eyes blazed with light.
She was Chaos.
“Ann!” Cheese called out, “Ann! Stop!”
Moon joined him, “Seriously! This is getting freaky!”
Flawless… sighed. “Called it.”
And Grogar, allowing himself a moment to smile, couldn’t be happier.
Now, my child, he thought to himself as the light consumed the statue, Ann, her friends, and himself, A true test of your capabilities. If this filly is as dangerous as they said…
“We are most terribly sorry about this,” Princess Emeritus Luna tossed another boardgame into her luggage, where it rested atop a pile of technicolored shirts and scrunchies, “But you understand our plight?”
Fluttershy blew off the head of steam coming off her tea, and nodded, “Oh, it’s no problem. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to get those tickets.” While she did need to get going soon if she wanted to make the Friendship Council meeting… Fluttershy would admit to somewhat enjoying listening to the two sisters bicker. It made the house feel fuller somehow. If only Ann had a sibling or two to argue with from time to time...
"Oh... where did that come from?" she asked herself.
“Oh, yes,” Celestia rolled her eyes, “It’s not like they weren’t throwing tickets at us to get more publicity for their show…”
Luna’s eyes flashed, “Hush now, sister! Thou… ahem, you are merely jealous that you weren’t made into the subject of a hit Bridleway musical!”
Celestia frowned deeply as she packed her bags in Fluttershy’s cottage living room. She wasn’t even packing her own things by this point, instead blindly grabbing random objects off the nearby shelves and walls in her magic.
“First,” she said, annoyance deeply woven into her words as she placed a lamp into her luggage, “I have been the subject of musicals before. Didn’t you see Less Miserable? Or how about Celestia? Lint Mane-Well really captured my voice, even in hip-hop verse. He's very talented.”
Luna shoved Angel into her own bag, though the rabbit managed to squirm his way free before she slammed down a book on caring for animals after him.
“No, sister… No amount of acoustics could make up for me being on the Moon at the time those came out!”
“Less Miserable came out only a few years ago,” Fluttershy said, just a bit too quietly for either sister to hear, “Um… I think it was a metaphor for Celestia reconnecting with, uh, you, Luna… but set in Prance… is anypony listening to me…?”
“Admit it!” Luna finally whirled around, “You just don’t care for the fact that Nightmare portrays me in a positive light!”
“Luna,” Celestia growled, “I told you, I just don’t care for the music… but if we’re having this argument again… then I’ll just point out that that play makes me into an obsessive-compulsive lunatic…”
Luna bristled, “You know I dislike lunatic...”
“Fine! It made me look crazy, it implied that Starswirl was our father… through coercive means involving our mother…”
Luna tossed her mane, “Artistic license, I’ll admit…”
“And!” Celestia punctuated her cry with a heavy stomp that caused the whole house to shake, “It had the gall to make it sound like you becoming Nightmare Moon was about winning the Batponies civil rights! Ponyapples! I gave them equal rights! If I remember correctly, you were obsessed with perfecting Vampirism so they could eat the other ponies at the time!”
“I admit, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind back then. I may have... obsessed over things,” Luna glanced away, “But it still ties the thematic elements together. Also, The Moon Rises is the best song I’ve heard in a long, long while. And they’ve got Countess Coloratura playing me…”
“Rarity did it better,” Celestia shrugged, recalling Nightmare’s first show in Canterlot years ago.
Luna frowned, “Last I checked, you got Autumn Blaze to play you…”
Fluttershy sighed. She wondered how much longer this would take. She wasn’t too worried about the Princesses, all things considered. They would love Manehatten, naturally. And while she’d hoped they would be around to foalsit for Ann… Grogar could handle it.
Um… couldn’t he?
Nopony noticed, as this scene played out, that Discord was taking an awfully long time to come back from the kitchen when he just went out to grab Fluttershy’ sack lunch from the refridgerator. Nopony also realized how he was currently writhing on the floor in manic, magically-induced flailing.
After a few moments, the Lord of Chaos stood up in a cold sweat.
That was… a lot of magic. A whole lot of magic just… blowing out across Equestria. He could tell it was in Canterlot. He could tell it was Ann.
What are you doing now? he shuddered. Feeling fluctuations in Magic like that was never a good sign. The last big one was… oh, the first Tirek thing. The really, really bad one.
I could step out right now and take care of it, he thought to himself. It would take but a snap, and I could see what was going on. Ann wouldn’t need to do anything. Whatever pickle she’s gotten into, I can fix it.
“She’s made her decision,” a tiny voice cut through his thoughts.
Discord turned, slowly. There was a small window in the kitchen, just above the sink. Normally, it looked out over the garden, where Fluttershy’s veggies were almost ready to harvest. It usually had a nice set of polka-dot curtains covering it.
Right now, it was purple. And stain-glass. And moving.
Screwball met his gaze.
“You make house calls now?” Discord hissed.
The purple pony of Chaos frowned, a heavy weight on her heart. She sighed, and said, “I told you, she will… or she won’t… but she needs the chance to find out. It’s her story, not ours. We’re just side characters, NPCs…”
“You know something?”
“I… coming from outside of your dimension, I can see its timeline from an objective perspective, so I might…”
“So,” Discord’s eyes flared to life, “You. Saw. Something.”
The filly looked away.
“Play it by ear… but…” the stain-glass began to fade, “I fear it’s up to her now. Remember, it’s her story.”
Discord was alone. He stood in the kitchen, glaring daggers at the regular window that looked out over the garden. His paw had quite nastily crushed the sack-lunch for his wife into a super-heated clump of carbon. He quietly restored it to its previous shape with a flick of Chaos. Hopefully, the brownie would still be good. And not, he hoped, alive or on fire.
The Draconequus worked his mouth and his jaw, thinking. He thought, and he thought. Then, he turned his eyes to the ceiling.
“Grogar… Dad,” his throat clenched up, but Discord was good at hiding those feelings these days, “… don’t let anything happen, please…”
He turned back towards the war going on in his living room, and decided he really didn’t have a choice. He wasn’t the narrator here. It wasn’t his story. He was a witness, at best. Normally, he’d prefer to knock the board over than admit he could lose the game…
But that wasn’t an option here, was it? He wasn’t playing. Ann was moving the pieces now. It was almost the end. The protagonist had to stand alone. Even Chaos bowed to narrative causality, the force that made the universe operate along memes, tropes, and clichés.
But… just because he wasn’t a main character for this… didn’t mean he couldn’t take another role for himself…
“Dear?” he called into the room, “Would you mind if I tagged along this time? I feel like my perspective would add something to the otherwise dull proceedings…”
For all its intensity, the flash of white light that had heralded Ann’s… whatever it was she ended up doing, hadn’t really made that much in the way of noise. The burst of magic wasn’t loud, in and of itself, and there were more than enough hedges and thick grass to absorb what little was created. And even the brightness of the light had been dulled, somewhat, due to intervening hedges, statues, and the overall brightness of the sunlight itself.
Didn’t stop any of Ann’s friends from rubbing their ears and eyes right afterward, but at least no one had gone deaf for the sake of Ann’s fascination.
Well… except for Ann. But it was a good sort of blind-deafness. It was the kind of blind-deafness that good, honest ponies came back home with from a day out in the… wait, no. No. That was dirty hooves and work-stink. Aunt AJ said something about that being the best part about coming in from a hard workday.
Ann lay prostrate on the ground, that much she knew. She couldn’t hear it too well, but her breaths were coming out in ragged, tired gasps and her body was shivering from the amount of effort she’d just put it through.
Somehow… she could tell her mane was back to its original black and pink. That was pretty neat.
And all of it was going to be worth it. There was something… ineffable telling her this was it. This right here was her ticket to Cutie Mark City, population: Ponies!
“Did…” she sucked in air like there was a shortage, “Did… it work…?”
As her vision returned, she could make out a single pony standing over her. Pink hair? Yellow coat? Seemed familiar…
Cheese sighed, “Ann? You know you’re my best friend, right?”
That… wasn’t what she was hoping he’d say.
“Um,” Ann’s eyes and ears cleared up instantly. She could see Cheese’s eyes from here. His eyes were beautiful, she’d always thought, and just looking at them had the power to life her spirit and remind her of all the laughter and joy in the world.
Except right now. Right now, there was an unsettling amount of worry in his eyes. Cheese didn’t normally do that; worry. The only time she’d seen him like that was when his Mom got a little… too excited for something. To see him giving her the full Pinkie-containment look, it somewhat made her feel a little less sure about what she’d done.
He’s probably just being Meta, as usual, she thought, a tight feeling building in her chest as she thought about his Pie Sense and how he could see the Fourth Wall like her Dad. It wasn’t fair…
She glanced away. Best not think about that. She’d picked the course of action that would lead to her Cutie Mark. Ann was sure of this. She listened to her gut, to Chaos, that whisper in the back of her mind that pointed out all the ways everything around her could be different, and how. And right now, Chaos had told her to make the statue come alive.
Isn’t that what Dad would do?
The fact that nopony had ever told Ann about her father's success-rate with such plans was quite apparent.
The Elements of Disharmony statue was obscured, presently, by a thick bank of smoke. That was… probably okay…? Ann supposed that, if it worked, there’d be a new, less-evil Cozy Glow somewhere in that cloud of dust and debris. And if it didn’t… well, it was just a replica. No harm, no foul.
“I just want you to know that,” Cheese continued, snapping her back to reality, “Because… I think you really, really messed up this time. Like… Mom’s ‘Spaghetti and Chocolate Cupcake’ messed up.”
Ann’s cheeks turned scarlet instantly… though whether she blushed in embarrassment or anger she couldn’t say. “Y-yeah?” she said, “But… I followed my gut! And… and my gut told me this was s’posed to happen. It’s… Destiny, and junk. We’we Cutie Mawk Cwusadews! I’m cwusading!
“I mean,” she stood up, and threw an angry glance around her friends, who alternated between staring at her and the dust cloud, “Come on! This is, like… totally a Magic of Fwiendship thing, wight? Just because I’m making a fwiend, doesn’t make me cwazy, wight!?”
Not a word passed between them. Goldie and Dib exchanged worried glances, while Moon and Flawless silently debated which of them was going to have to talk Ann down… and which would have to explain why the statue had exploded.
Grogar merely hummed quietly to himself, his eyes never leaving the cloud of dust that hung over the statue. He never once considered Ann’s decision a mistake. On the contrary… he was excited to see just what she could do against a true, true foe…
Cheese met Ann’s stare head on. They locked onto one another, Ann looking to him for… what, exactly? Perhaps neither of them knew. They were best friends… first friends, even. What other, closer bond could there be? But even then, she hesitated to guess what was going through his mind.
And neither would find out then, for just at that exact moment, a new voice joined them.
It was sickeningly sweet, as though distilled from lollipops and sunshine. So sweet, it was astounding that teeth didn’t rot in sympathy with the voice. It was the tender, angelic voice of one who could do no wrong, and who was just… so gosh darn pure and innocent one might mistake it for fresh snowfall.
“Golly!” the voice said, accompanied only by the flutter of feathered wings, and a light tap as four tiny hooves settled onto the dry grass. A tiny, pink pegasus filly, with a curly, arctic blue mane and scarlet eyes sauntered away from the now Cozy-less statue, and shared with her newest friends a bright, beaming smile that radiated nothing but love and friendship.
As far as they knew.
“The magic of… Friendship?” said Cozy Glow, “Now that sounds like something I’d love to hear about!”
10 - The Pony of Chaos, Part 3 - Cheesy Chess and Cozy Coronations
“Come on, Dashie!” Applejack raised her voice again, just to make sure it got through the washroom door, “We’re gonna be late fer the meetin’ on account of yer indigestion!”
Her wife’s voice came back, slightly muffled by the heavy wooden door, “I told you, I can’t eat like that anymore! I’m on the Wonderbolt diet, so it can’t… ulp, hang on…!”
A horrendous sound followed, which left Applejack feeling a touch queasy herself. She’d been prepping herself mentally to deal with that sort of feeling down the line, but even if Discord had… sped up the process, as he claimed, she wasn’t expecting to get sick so soon.
Not like poor Dash.
With the customary sound of flushing facilities, Rainbow Dash stepped out of the washroom, her eyes a little unfocused from the sudden stomach-related trauma she’d gone through. But as she saw Applejack’s slight frown of worry, a cocky grin found its way to her face.
“Heh, it’s probably just one of those… Sympathy Pregnancies… Fluttershy was talking about,” Rainbow laughed and placed a comforting hoof on her wife’s shoulder.
“I dunno, Dashie,” Applejack leaned in to get a better look at Rainbow, “I ain’t s’sposed ta get mornin’ sickness fer a few weeks yet…”
“Discord said he’d speed up the process,” Dash shrugged, “So who’s to say?”
“… an’ even then, why would’ja be havin’ that sort of reaction before me? I’m the one’s got a little passenger these days.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and gave Applejack another winning grin. “Look, babe…”
“I told ya never ta call me that…”
“It’s no big deal!” Dash quickly wrapped her up with one wing over the earth pony’s withers, and gave her a soft nuzzle. “I mean… I only had some salad yesterday, and apples today, so what exactly are you implying? That Discord put Zap in the wrong…?”
Applejack gave Dash a look she usually reserved for one of her slower-blooming trees, like Gregory, or Nathanial. It was a calculating look, the kind that could pierce any lie, deliberate or otherwise, and arrive at the truth of the matter in seconds.
“Ya know I don’t trust Discord sometimes… least of all when he’s bein’ helpful. An’ if he screwed somethin’ up, like… fer instance… which one o’ us was s’posed ta…”
Rainbow leaned in for another nuzzle, and said, “AJ… I got a great feeling about all this. It worked out with Ann, and Discord’s come a long way. I… can’t believe I’m saying this, but I trust his ability to do this sort of thing… Chaos Magic and all.”
She tossed her mane back, “That’s how Wonderbolts work. Even if we have odd or quirky personalities, it’s the skill that matters. And no one knows Chaos like Discord. Once Zap Apple gets here, it’ll all be worth it. Even if you have to take it easy for a while til then.”
Rainbow’d added that last part with a cheeky smirk. Applejack sighed, but nodded along. Dash had a point, after all, and it did nopony any good to go denying it.
That was what Applejack thought. Until she noticed the slight tinge of green in Rainbow Dash’s cheeks. Dash seemed to notice it as well, as within seconds she’d thrown herself back into the washroom, where another round of retching continued.
“So… did Spitfire ever tell ya’ll how she handled her maternity leave?” the farmpony shook in silent laughter at the whole situation. She’d probably cry a little later, but for now she remembered how her Granny always said to keep smiling through the pain.
In between retching coughs, Applejack could hear Dash clear as a bell.
“I’m gonna… I’m gonna kill that Draconequus…!”
The city of Cloudsdale drifted through the skies above Manehattan almost entirely unseen amidst the heavy cloud cover. The City That Never Sleeps had won the raffle for First Snow of the Year, and the weather factories were in overdrive to get absolutely everything ready. One fun snow day months ahead of everypony else meant big tourism bits, and so everything had to be perfect.
Such was the need for perfection that the Admiralty Board had unanimously decided that the City’s Favorite Mare and Lead Weather Coordinator would get the job of guiding Manehattan’s Mayor, and the visiting Prime Minister of Equestria as well, on a tour of the Weather Factory as they prepared to complete the order and commence the festivities.
At least they waited until the Wonderbolt season was over, thought Spitfire, the former Captain of the Wonderbolts, mentally sighing in relief. At least now, while she was stuck here showing these bigwigs how the weather was made, Soarin could stay at home and watch their daughter.
Wildfire’s gettin’ a little old for a foalsitter anyway, she thought.
As the group entered the main factory, Spitfire nodded approvingly at her weatherponies, working hard to get everything ready while not looking like they’d just been goofing off and playing ping-pong with a folded table she knew they kept behind Vapor-Diffuser #12. It was always good to look like a hardflank manager when Brass came in.
And what Brass it was! There was, of course, Big Apple-Orange, Manehattan’s newly-elected Mayor (and distant relation to Applejack, if his campaign promoters were to be believed), who was dressed to the nines. The otherwise blonde coated and maned stallion was decked out in a bright-green suit and top hat combo that made him look like fresh money, in every sense of the word. He was pleased as punch to have won the First Snow for his hometown, and he showed it.
But the fact that the Prime Minister, Gem Tracker, was here as well as attending the ceremony later on was another thing entirely. Miss Tracker was a white unicorn with a ruby-red mane, and she was closely followed by her personal Secretary, Wooly Cloud, a blue pegasus stallion with a swept-back brown mane, and the Cabinet Secretary Honey Crisp Apple, who was crème-coated with a brown mane turning to grey.
Those Apples sure get around…
“And this,” Spitfire waved one hoof around her in a wide arc, “is where the magic happens!”
Ever since leaving the ‘Bolts to have Wildfire, Spitfire had learned to love her second career here in the Weather Factory. Her staff were like her teammates, or perhaps her far, far less adorable foals. And their precision and expertise, drilled into them by her personally, was on full display as they flew back and forth, adjusting instruments and combining the raw materials to get a good snow going on.
The Cabinet Secretary beamed at the sight of so many ponies working like a well-oiled machine… alongside actual well-oiled machines. It was probably like watching a perfectly synched Quadruple Split-Burst Maneuver was for Spitfire, whenever she could get away and watch a Wonderbolt show. A perfect blend of familiarity and skill that made you appreciate it even more. And for a Bureaupony, nothing would be more beautiful than a well-run office space carrying out its duty.
“Oh, wonderful!” Gem’s eyes lit up as well, “Isn’t this charming, Wooly?”
“Yes, Prime Minister,” the dutiful secretary nodded. “The Pegasi Pride of the Skies… not counting the Wonderbolts, naturally,” he added with a wink to Spitfire, who found herself appreciating the young stallion’s enthusiasm. Judging by the poster he had badly hidden under his wing, he was definitely angling for an autograph.
Spitfire would probably only grumble a little bit, before signing. Always give back to the fans, she remembered telling Rainbow Dash before handing over the Captaincy.
“Indeed…” Gem watched the weather machines buzz and whir, “I think it would be a marvelous backdrop for a photo! Give the papers tomorrow something to sink their teeth into.
“Imagine it!” she held out her hooves in an arc, as though she were holding one such newspaper out in front of her, “‘Gem says: Let it Snow!’ Or, ‘A New Era in Weather: PM Saves Equestria from Climate-Naturalist-Extremists…’”
By the way Wooly and Honey’s eyes twitched, Spitfire assumed they’d been through this sort of behavior before.
“PM, I couldn’t agree mohe,” Big Apple said in his odd, New Neighland accent that made every ‘r’ sound like a balloon deflating, “This spectaculah occasion should be shahed with the whole of Equestria.”
“Yes… well,” Spitfire growled out a cough that got their attention, though it was possibly just to see if she was choking. Soarin always gave her a hard time about her gravelly voice. Then again, he also said he liked her gravelly voice, so…
“As I was saying, this is where the magic happens! Right now, those machines on the left are…”
“Um, Miss Spitfire?” Wooly’s expression went from mildly annoyed at his boss’s ego, to a concerned glance up towards the middle of the room, “That pony doesn’t look to be wearing her safety gear.”
Spitfire frowned, “E-excuse me?”
Somepony… in my factory…?
“And…” his eyes flinched at her tone, but he pressed on, “She looks to be just a filly.”
“What!?”
Spitfire spun in place, her white safety coat whipping around her like a superhero cape for just a second. She turned a wrathful gaze up into the air where Mr. Cloud had been looking, and sure enough, there was some little filly hovering right there! Just above the Charge Distributors!
In my factory’s airspace!? Not on my watch…!
“S’cuse me,” she said politely to her tour, and launched herself with the practiced ease of a world-class flyer. It took less than a heartbeat for her to reach the floating filly, and even less to spin around towards her front.
Her scream stopped everything in the factory at once, “By Celestia’s Sunny Butt! What the heck are you doing here kid!? Don’t you know this place… is… dangerous…?”
The words died in her mouth. Something was wrong. The purple filly in front of her was so surreal looking that it took her a moment to realize she wasn’t looking at a fever dream. She was all purple, with a single white stripe through her mane. But… she wasn’t a pegasus. She was an earth pony, but one that could float up in the air.
Maybe it’s the propeller hat she’s wearing?
Said filly just turned her freaky, spiral eyes towards the former Wonderbolt… and smiled.
“’Sup?” she said, lifting her chin up slightly, “Name’s Screwball. How ‘bout you?”
Spitfire glanced to her left, and to her right, hoping that somepony would step up and explain what she was seeing right now. The whole factory was frozen, watching their boss chew out a little filly that should not exist.
Ah, crap, she thought, this is one of those freaky adventures Dash is always having, isn’t it?
The filly seemed to be waiting for a response.
“Hi,” said Spitfire, still not knowing what was going on, and dreading every second of it, “Can… can I help you?”
Screwball shook her head, and then pulled a hoofkerchief out from underneath her little green propeller hat.
“No,” she said, sadly, “And I’m real sorry about that…”
The purple pony of Chaos blew her nose hard into the kerchief, and the world tilted. Spitfire found herself slamming up against one of the water-tanks along the north wall. He wings splayed out, and it felt instantly like every inch of her body skyrocketed in weight. She couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything… except listen with her pegasus senses to the air pressure shift and her entire crew freak out at once.
The whole factory descended into Chaos. Ponies flew up, down, left, and right. Wherever they were, they were crashing into the walls and floor of the building, and instantly became stuck. Spitfire grit her teeth, but could only lift her head up a few inches.
“Hey, don’t strain yourself,” Screwball warned. She merrily floated along as if nothing was happening, despite Spitfire’s eyes telling her that something was definitely happening now.
“What… did you… do…?” she managed to speak slowly against the force pushing her back.
Screwball glanced out the window set high in the factory walls, drawing Spitfire’s attention. Clouds rushed past the windows, as did the Sun… several times, in fact.
“Again, sorry about this,” Screwball said, “But I need a good, old-fashioned stormy evening back at Canterlot. It’s getting to the climax, and a bright, sunny day isn’t cool enough for that sort of thing, you know?”
“What are you… talking about…?”
Screwball’s expression turned sour. With no small amount of snark, she asked, “You ever read a good book? An adventure story? Maybe some Daring Do?”
When Spitfire didn’t respond, the filly laughed and continued, “The hero always has to face the villain in a thunderstorm! It’s like… a rule or something. And since I gotta bow out of this universe in a couple minutes, this is the best thing I can do for them.”
She turned towards… something. To Spitfire, it just looked like the southern wall of the factory. But… something about the way Screwball stared off that way began to tickle the parts of Spitfire’s brain she especially didn’t like getting tickled…
“Well, folks,” Screwball sighed, and then smiled warmly, “This is it for me. I’m gonna sit the rest of this rollercoaster ride in the comments with you all. Scooch over a bit there, and pass the popcorn!”*
The force holding every pony to the wall suddenly relented, and the entire staff came crashing down to the ground in an exhausted heap. All except for Spitfire, who reflexively hurled herself through the air at the crazy filly who dared mess with her Weather!
But the former Wonderbolt sailed straight through Screwball, who parted like mist before her. And when Spitfire turned back around, she could see that the interloper had simply faded away.
“Ponyfeathers!” she cursed. A hot, burning anger spread up from Spitfire’s heart and into her face, but it wouldn’t get further than that. Spitfire wasn’t the kind of pony to let anger cloud her judgement. Right now, it was a whetstone for her focus.
“C’mon folks, get up!” she zipped down to her workers’ sides, swiftly checking vitals and shaking her teams awake. Looked like no one was seriously injured, so she kept yelling, “Gimme a status report! Where are we? What’s up with the systems!?”
Almost as soon as the city had stopped spinning, Spitfire knew something was wrong. Besides the fact that most of the tanks and bigger machines were smoking, the airpressure had completely changed. Every pegasus there could feel it, and she was far more sensitive still from her training.
Wooly Cloud managed to get up on his own, and after taking a moment to pop back outside, he came roaring back with a truly panicked expression on his face.
“Ma’am!” he cried out… and then bit his lip as he caught just a glimpse of Spitfire’s indescribable fury at being called that.
“Well? What is it?” she kept her cool well. Had to. Nopony else was.
“We…” he gulped heavily, “We appear to… I don’t know how, but we’ve been sent all the way back to Canterlot!”
Honey Crisp pinched her muzzle between her hooves, keeping a badly bloodied nose under control. “Oh… that can’t be good.”
“You better believe it’s not good!” Gem scowled, and then shook an angry hoof at the sky, “My Photo-Op is ruined! I bet the Foreign Secretary sent that… that hooligan to do this on purpose! There’s a leadership challenge in the works, and I’d bet good bits Green Zone had something to do with this…”
An explosion, somewhere in the next building over, sent a wave of storm clouds pouring past the windows and down onto the capital. Spitfire took a glance around the room to confirm what she now feared was the case. Their production line was currently FUBAR, to borrow Wonderbolt lingo, everything was on fire, and now whatever that… creature had wanted to happen to the weather, had just happened, with no chance to fix it for hours at the very least.
Cloudsdale was essentially dead in the water.
Spitfire allowed herself a weary sigh before she took charge of the rescue and recovery efforts.
“Yeah… this is definitely one of Rainbow Dash’s stupid adventures…”
Cozy Glow didn’t love chess. One would guess otherwise, considering her Cutie Mark was a bright red rook-piece, or tower, as she liked to tease other players of the game, like Tirek. She knew it bothered them. And that was part of the reason she didn’t love chess.
Cozy liked playing chess. But she liked playing Ponies better. It was a far more fun game to play, with higher stakes and better thrills.
And it was time to play again.
Alright, first move goes to Pink…
There were six of the little cretins, not including… Him. They stood in a small huddle only a few feet away, eyes fixed either on Cozy, or on the statue behind her. She gave a quick glance over her shoulder, if only to confirm for herself what was happening.
The Elements of Disharmony stood silently, as it always had… minus one pegasus filly. Tirek and Chrysalis remained exactly as they were.
And you guys’ll stay that way, she laughed inside her mind, finally free to have her own thoughts again. At least until I come up with a use for you…
“Oh,” she said in her sweetest, confused little filly voice, “Did I do that?”
The pink-maned… thing that looked vaguely like a pony gasped. She (Cozy assumed it was a she) grinned and began hopping up and down in place, making little yip sounds of joy. After a few moments, she swiveled about and took a good, hard look at her own flank.
Ann held that pose for a full minute. She shook her rump a little, just in case it hadn’t noticed her little brush with Destiny yet. She even wiped her hoof across the fur there, checking for yellow dust or grime that might have been hiding her mark.
But eventually, she had to bow to the inevitable and the obvious. “Phooey,” she sighed, “I… I was suwe that was going to wowk…”
“Why did you just assume something like that?” Flawless flashed an irritated sneer her way, “What possessed you to bring a statue to life?”
Ann shrugged, “Just had a thought. Chaos whispewing in my eaw.”
Cheese frowned, and seemed like he was in a little bit of pain as he admonished, “Ann, even I don’t listen to the voices that much. You gotta draw the line and use your head sometimes!”
“But…” Ann tapped her chin nervously. Chaos had said this would get her a Cutie Mark, hadn’t it? Why would Chaos lie about that?
“Maybe we can put her back?” Dib offered, equally unsure of the goings-on.
Moon shook his head, “She’s alive now. Seems… kinda mean to change her back to stone.”
At the thought, all six turned back towards the pink little filly.
The opening move can decide the game.
“Cozy Glow?” the green and blue crystal pony asked. She seemed relatively smart, or at least attentive. Best to watch her.
Cozy raised her eyebrows high, and gave a bewildered look to the other foals. “W-who? Is… is that my name?” She even held up one hoof towards herself, adding to image of an oblivious, regular pony.
She buzzed her little wings and drifted over to where the six children had huddled together in the wake of Ann’s magical mayhem. She wore a pleasant smile that complimented her brilliant, bright eyes well, and she made sure to exude as much cuteness as she could.
“Well, shucks! If that is my name, I better live up to it,” she grinned enthusiastically and held out a hoof to shake, “How is everypony today? I guess I’m Cozy Glow… what’s your names?”
“Evewycweatuwe,” the pony-like-thing reflexively corrected her, still staring at her handiwork. “I’m Anawchy, by the way.”
Cozy hesitated for a fraction of a second.
They’re still making that a thing? Geez, Princess, how pedantic can you get?
“Oh, silly me!” she slapped her forehead, “Uh, doy! Of course, everycreature! Sorry… my folks are really old-fashioned.” She threw on another winning smile, just to be safe.
“She’s so cute,” the griffon whispered, doing an amazing impression, Cozy thought, of that excitable griffon… Gabby…? Yeah, Gabby. She was clearly enthralled by the little filly, and lowered herself down to her belly to get an eye-level look at Cozy, “I just wanna squeeze her! My name’s Goldie.”
“Nice to meet you, Goldie…” Cozy noticed the batpony of the group take a few steps forward, putting himself just in between her and the others. She knew all about how sensitive those furry ears of theirs could be, and could even now seeing his twitch along with every word she said. He could probably hear her heartrate from there.
Huh… better keep to half-truths and lies of omission.
“Moon,” the batpony uttered, slightly baring his fangs. It didn’t take a tactical genius to guess he was suspicious.
She lowered herself, just enough to look like she was afraid. “G-gee, mister,” she said in a shaky whisper, “I know you can’t see me all too well, b-being a batpony…”
Even under sunglasses, Moon’s eye could be seen twitching.
“… but I’m just a wittle ole filly! I’m not a… a threat to anypony!”
“Moon!” the pony-thing… Anarchy, snarled, “That’s not being vewy fwiendly! She’s bawely a minute old!”
The batpony spun around, slightly shaking as he shouted, “Seriously!?”
Well, Cozy thought, looks like they’re about to have a little Friendship Problem… well, more like Friendship Meltdown... Best make good use of the distraction…
Her eyes briefly met “Discord”’s as she began looking about for the next move. There was something bothering her about him being there… but she couldn’t quite place it. If he was there, why hadn’t he warned anycreature… screw it, anypony about her? And if he was incognito, for what purpose?
Naturally, the idea that this was the real Grogar never entered into her thoughts. Instead, as she tossed hypothesis after hypothesis aside, Cozy could only really think of one reason Discord would come back here, apparently as some senior-citizen school volunteer, and lead a couple of magically-gifted foals to the three most powerful, and dangerous creatures in all of Equestria.
Has he… Has Discord gone back to Bad? She almost tossed the idea out on principle… until she considered who Discord hung out with the most. Of course! He’s finally realized how dull and boring old Professor Fluttershy is!
Cozy locked gazes with the ram… and winked. “Discord” sold it well, almost appearing baffled at her sign that she knew what was up.
“Don’t worry,” she whispered just low enough for the arguing foals to still mask her voice to all but her conspirator, “I’ll make some… Chaos happen, just you wait…”
Grogar began to have… misgivings about this plan. Ann was clearly still obsessed with this pony flank magic, and not in a state of mind to handle something like this… Cozy Glow. Still, as he watched the pink pegasus slip away, he couldn’t help but hope his little test would yet bear fruit.
He believed in Ann. She was, after all, his blood. That had to count for something.
Grogar, despite his misgivings, made sure to take a single step forward, just enough to casually block Cozy’s path of escape from view.
“I don’t get it,” Ann folded her forelegs across her barrel and furrowed her bushy white brows, “This isn’t even the cwaziest thing I’ve done…”
“Not the…” Flawless shook her head, “Ann, you brought back Cozy Glow.”
“A statue of Cozy Glow!” the Ponequus pointed a pinion accusatorily.
Moon nodded, “Yeah, I can hear her heartbeat when she lies. That filly is a bundle of adrenaline and scheming right now…”
“Like you wouldn’t be if you just came to life?” Ann shot back.
Goldie winced as she stepped forward to ask, “Ann? Why is this so important? I mean… sure, we warned you not to do it… but even then, why are you so obsessed with this Cutie Mark thing? It’s not a big deal…”
“Not a big deal?” Ann’s jaw dropped. Then, her eyes flashed red, “Not a big DEAL!?”
A free-standing chalk-board burst into existence with the snap of Ann’s tail as she slammed it down in a fury. Right on the board was a slightly amateurish chalk sketch of the Vitruvian Mare, with a clear circle drawn around the image’s flank.
Nocreature seemed to notice the ‘Mare’ had a black coat, blue draconic eyes, and a hazy, starfield mane.
“Ponies!” Ann stood on her hind legs, dressed in long, black professorial robes and matching cap, and pointed to the picture with a ruler held quite skillfully by one wing ‘hand’.
“Ponies,” she repeated, taking a quick breath before continuing, creepily in a far more… Discord-like voice, “Equus Civilis Sapiens, are the most magical race in our world… and every single one of them… gets a Cutie Mark as both a sign of that inherent magical nature, and as a representational pictogram of their placement in the web of destiny.”
Dib’s jaw fully hit the floor. “Y-your lisp…”
“I need that Cutie Mawk!” Ann, voice returned to normal, gripped the chalk board with her forehooves and gave it a great heave, sending it careening into the sun up above. When she turned back to her friends, her outfit gone as well, they could see her eyes… they were warping, twisting, pulsing as she spoke in more and more hurried and agitated tones.
“If I don’t get a Cutie Mawk, then I’m not a Pony! If I’m not a Pony… then I don’t have a Destiny. And if I’m the only one hewe without a Destiny, how can I know we’ll always be fwiends!?”
Her voice began to distort, the sound pitching up, down, and… sideways…? It started getting hard to even listen to what she was saying. The only one of her friends not cringing as though she were tearing catclaws along another chalkboard was Cheese, and even he looked uneasy.
“How CaN 1 bE a CuTiE MaWk CrUsAdEr WiFf0uT oNe…!...?”
Grogar sighed, internally, and averted his eyes. He could not look upon his grandfoal as she was, caught within a blaze of confusion, anger, and madness.
He should feel proud of this. He was the Father of Monsters. Had he been able to drive his own Discord to this level of frothing fury long, long ago, then his reign could have been truly eternal. And now, he was witnessing Ann’s transformation into a true… monster…
Ah, he thought, It’s that, isn’t it?
All he’d wanted was a test. Something to pit Ann’s power and her skill against in a more primal way than the pathetic ponies of this land could offer her. But… this?
It wasn’t guilt he felt. Never guilt. Never, never. Not since Discord…
No guilt. Shame? Shame was a pony emotion, something to cow others into societal behavior the whole found acceptable. That was not Grogar’s way. But now, he could not help but realize his own folly.
Was helping Cozy a mistake?
He pondered this a moment. But knowing something in the mind, and knowing it in the heart are two very different realities.
No.Ann will persevere. She must. She will.
As Grogar raised his eyes again from his thoughts, he caught sight of something peculiar. Cheese Pie stood before his grandfoal, with a steadiness to his stance and a gleam in his eye that Grogar had not seen since…
He hadn’t seen such strength in a pony since Gusty…
Well… here it goes.
Cheese Slice Pie, son of Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich, Heir to the title of Premiere Party Planning Pony Prince(ss), and Grandmaster of the Ponyville Chapter of Foal-League Tiddlywink Players, took a long, deep… tired breath through his nose. He released it all with a snort, and began walking towards the maelstrom of madness and crazy that was his bestest friend in the whole entire world.
“Ann.” He said it with the slightest hint of disapproval, and a scowl that could put a Pinkie glare to shame.
The Ponequus swiveled her wrath-filled face towards the colt, her mane smoldering, seconds from full ignition. Her fury was contained only by the thinnest skein of her control, and yet it was slipping. She opened her mouth, ready to re-enter the shouting match with her…
A yellow hoof booped her nose.
“Boop.” Cheese said.
Ann’s eyes crossed. Her mouth snapped shut, and her whole body convulsed in something like a cross between a tickle and a light punch to her nervous system. Her tail and her ears stood straight up for a second before dropping flat.
“W-what…?” she shook her head, then came back up, blinking. “What was…?”
“Boop,” he did it again, and again, Ann flinched. This time, she held up her forehooves to block another one.
“What awe you doing!?”
“Boop.”
How did he get past my hooves!?
“Knock it off!!!” she shrieked as a fourth hoof got her.
Cheese stamped his own hooves on the dry grass, and now his own glare took center stage as he screamed back, “You knock it off!”
Everycreature took a step back, even Grogar. Ann dropped to her haunches, shocked at the sudden shift in her friend. She’d never seen Cheese this mad before!
“Cheese…” she began, but a yellow hoof came up in front of her face, forcing her to stay silent a moment longer as Cheese gathered his voice.
“Ann,” he breathed, “You are being a Bad Horse!”
“… What…?”
“This is ridiculous!” he threw his hooves up, forcing Dib and Goldie to take another step back, “Seriously? All this insanity is about your Cutie Mark!?”
“Y-yes…” Where is this coming from!?
“Well, then knock it off!” Cheese stomped his hooves again, “You’re not even on the Pinkie Scale of Freakouts at this point! I don’t even think the Twilight-Scale could contain the amount of bat-rat CRAZY you’re giving off!”
Ann’s lip quivered, and she began hunching down, anything to get out of the way of Cheese’s own freakout. She couldn’t see Flawless’s expression, but the Crystal Pony was also on the brink of tears listening to this.
“I mean, come on!” Cheese spun in place, “I don’t need this sort of garbage right now! I already have to practically take care of my own Mom back home, so excuse me if I don’t need you having an epic meltdown over this sort of thing.
“Do you have any idea what it’s like having Pinkie Pie for a Mom!?” his voice redoubled in volume, “I get ulcers… ulcers worrying about the next time she gets her mane caught in the industrial cake blender! I’m eleven! I’m not supposed to be the adult here!!!”
Cheese finally seemed to deflate, sagging down into himself. He closed his eyes… his beautiful, soft eyes… and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I…” his voice cracked, a single tear racing down his cheek, “Ann… I love you, but you really need to work on some things. Like problem-scaling. Like… can’t we just get in trouble for not doing homework sometime? Or… can we just worry about not getting the right kind of chocolate for s’mores?”
He looked back up, and took in the sight of his best friend in tears. Ann covered her face with her hooves, her whole body shaking in a sorrowful rhythm. Having Cheese… Cheese of all ponies getting this mad, and this…
He was right. All Ann had done today was blow everything out of proportion. Again. What good was it trying to get her Cutie Mark when the attempt could do this to her friends? What was she doing?
She paused in her sobbing, as the feeling of a hoof on her shoulder pulled her back to reality.
Ann looked back up into Chees’e eyes. He looked down into hers. From the way he seemed to frown and smile all at once, she wasn’t sure exactly what he was feeling. But from the way her eyes glistened wet and raw, Cheese knew with certainty what she was feeling.
“I’m sorry.”
They’d both said it at the same time.
“Heh, sorry, you first.”
They’d said that at the same time too. Dib raised a chitinous eyebrow, and Moon tilted his head slowly to one side.
“That’s funny, but stop.”
Still, same time.
“Knock it off! Hey!” they both took a breath and recited as one, “Pinkie Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers that the party planner pony portioned partly to the ponies and the pretty parrots to partake…”
Flawless sighed, “What is this?”
Goldie tapped her claws nervously, “I… I’m not sure…”
“Help!” the synchronized foals turned back to the others, Panic welling in their eyes.
Goldie glanced towards the others, and finding no immediate help, she hummed and said, “What’s your favorite color?”
Both said, instantly, “Yellow!” and then stared, petrified at one another.
After Moon fwipped Goldie’s ear with his wing, the batpony said to Ann and Cheese, “How about this… who is standing right next to you?”
“Cheese!” said Ann.
“Cheese!” agreed Cheese.
Both stared at one another. Cheese, tapping his chin in thought, said, “Wait… hang on…”
But Ann would not ‘hang on’. Slowly, a grin began to split her face. And, with deliberate slowness, she brought up one hoof… and Booped Cheese right on the muzzle.
“Boop!” she said. Cheese just stared at the filly in front of him like she’d spun her head around like an owl’s and come back with a mustache.
And then the giggles began. Ann and Cheese rolled onto the ground laughing, and laughing, and laughing. They laughed so hard that in seconds their sides began to ache and tears poured freely from their eyes. Moon began to chuckle as well, and in moments, so too did Dib and Flawless. All the tension they’d held onto since this strange, strange moment had begun to flow out from them in a torrent of laughter.
Grogar watched on impassively, mouth set into a permanent sneer.
Goldie thought it was cute, and chuckled a bit as well.
Cheese finally caught his breath after several minutes, and managed to say, “No, really, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dump all that on you.”
“It’s…” Ann wiped a tear away, one earned through the far happier circumstance, “It’s fine… I was being dumb.”
She stood up, and pulled her friend up with her. She continued, “I guess I was just… so wowwied that you’d all outgwow me ow something.”
Flawless barked a little laugh, and said, “That is dumb! We’d have to stop hanging out with Shady, Dib, and Goldie if that were the rule.”
Goldie nodded… then frowned for a moment. “Hey…”
Cheese just smiled, and gave Ann a quick hug. That was a lot of emotion to go through so quickly, and they each needed such a tender moment. Just for a moment.
“You’ll never outgrow us,” Cheese said, patting his friend’s back, “We’ll always be together.”
Ann sighed, and squeezed tighter. “I know… I know. It’s just… I was so despewate to get my Destiny. And I weally thought Chaos was telling me something thewe about the statue…”
“Uh, Ann?” Cheese pulled out of the hug and gave her a quizzical smile, like he was asking her to realize what she’d just said before he had to point it out.
When she said nothing more, and only raised her own confused eyebrow, he added, “Isn’t Chaos the literal opposite thing from Destiny…?”
Ann opened her mouth to answer. Then she shut it. Then, her eye twitched. And then… her whole face started to short-circuit. Cheese took a step back, and marveled at the shifting emotional spectrum that played out on Ann’s face. She jumped from confused, to angry, to sorrow, to panic, and back.
She raised up a hoof, and seemed to be counting something with it. Her muzzle scrunched up, and her eyes narrowed. And then… instantly, her eyes popped wide open as her mouth drew itself into a thin line.
After a few moments, she lifted her head to the heavens and gave a cry drenched in utter irritation.
“Aaarrrgh!” she cried, stomping towards the Cozy-less statue on two legs, “Now you tell me!!!!”
Ann slammed her head into the base of the statue, as hard as she could manage, yet not nearly hard enough to punish her stupid brain for its stupid idea. And from that single, clean hit, a crack formed.
The thin crack leapt from where Ann had deposited her skull into the granite, just a few inches to the left, where it lightly crossed paths with the metal plate which read: Replica.
Said plate, held on by the thinnest of screws and the lightest of still-wet glue, popped right off.
Ann lifted her head just enough to stare with boggle-eyes at the far, far too new to be original plate lying on the ground.
So did everycreature else. Grogar was unfazed. Flawless, Goldie, and Dib let their jaws drop. Moon and Cheese’s eyes gave little twitches as their pupils dilated into mere dots.
“So…” Moon swallowed, loudly, “It… wasn’t a replica…”
Flawless whimpered, “No…”
Cheese slowly… so slowly he wondered if his neck was moving at all… slowly turned.
“Um… where… did Cozy Glow… go?”
Everycreature turned to where the evilest of all Equestria’s enemies had been standing, they were sure, moments ago. And they saw… nothing. Nothing but dry grass.
Goldie, suddenly having the very faintest notion of what must have happened, could only utter, in sheer, indescribable horror, “Oh… Shi…”
It was thematically appropriate then, as the Cutie Mark Crusaders gaped in horror at their miscalculation, that a bolt of lightning split the air like in some cheap drama. The huge bank of storm clouds, still a ways off but gathering steam, so to speak, was rolling in now. It was a wonder that nocreature had noticed Cloudsdales’ tilted, barreling approach until this point.
Several administrators and bureauponies in the palace noticed it now, however. And, dutifully, they instantly set about looking for someone else to blame for it.
“So,” Tirek hummed, “She’s gone.”
“It would seem that way,” Chrysalis couldn’t quite hide the emotion in her voice. A touch of anger, a hint of pride, and no small amount of envy.
“Do you think she’ll come back to help us?”
Chrysalis scoffed. “Would you?”
Tirek shrugged, at least spiritually, “I’d like to think so…”
“No, you wouldn’t.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
The two second-most evil beings in Equestria laughed together. They were all they had now.
“I don’t suppose you play chess?” Tirek asked, hopefully, “I admit, playing with the little Tartarus-spawn did wonders to pass the time…”
Chrysalis snorted, “No. I never did care for such a… simple game. Changeling strategy and tactics leaves such things looking like foal’s play.”
“Oh… alright,” he sighed.
After a moment… or a minute… could have been a month… Chrysalis turned back towards the centaur and asked, “Uh… Tirek?”
“Yes?”
“… What’s my name again?”
Tirek paused. “Starlight Glimmer, just like last time. Why do you ask?”
“Oh… really? Huh… I could have sworn I’d been screaming that name for a while…”
“Clearly,” Tirek managed to hide his glee, “You either have a lot of issues to work through, or you’ve been trying to remind yourself a lot these past few decades.”
“Right, yes!” Starlight laughed, “Ha, that makes sense. Thank you, Lord Tirek.”
“Any time, Glimglam…”
The Royal Palace at Canterlot was far older than most gave it credit for, having been built upon constantly for over one-thousand years, since even before Celestia had made it the seat of her government following her sister’s Abeyance. In recent years, this construction had only increased in scope, speed, and depth, as the crystal caverns beneath the city were slowly repurposed by the Princess of Friendship into a veritable labyrinth of vaults, halls, and repositories for an indescribable number of purposes.
One such room, which lay directly beneath the Princess’s original tower-home on the palace grounds, give or take a few hundred feet of stone, marble, crystal, and steel, was currently in use as an Arcane Laboratory. The stone room was deeply carved with runes and symbols of magical power, roaring with an inner, multihued mystical light, which swam across the room in dazzling displays.
At the heart of the room, Princess Twilight Sparkle and her Archmage, Celeste Lulamoon, stood before a swirling mass of light, which resembled nothing so much as a Sonic Rainboom bound into a tiny, shivering sphere. The light, only recently bloomed into being, was already receding into nothingness after a few minutes of observation.
As the Rainboom vanished, so did the light flowing from the runes and carvings. In their place, a series of simple, battery-operated motion lights flickered to life.
Electric lights, Twilight noted with satisfaction. Got to thank Sunset sometime for the idea. Now I don’t have to worry about magical lights contaminating the experiments down here!
And what an experiment. Twilight’s nose filled with the smell of burnt ozone like nothing else she’d ever experienced, and her ears rang with a dull throb after the overwhelming magical explosions she’d sat through. If she were truly alone, and not within mocking distance of her former pupil (who still held the record for that particular feat), she might have even clapped her hooves excitably.
Celeste Lulamoon stood beside the Princess and dutifully took notes with quill and paper held in her magical aura. She was a near-duplicate of her mother, especially in the eyes, though with the coat and mane of her father. The Princess had always hoped that she would take after Starswirl; studious, diligent, and wise.
Instead…
“Are we done yet? I think my horn’s about to fall off,” the Princess’s former protégé whined as she used to when told that, yes, she had to go to bed instead of playing with a new toy or spell.
Twilight sighed, and gave the unicorn a frown that had far less anger behind it than she often pretended to have. Trixie’s foal or not, Celeste was like another niece to her. Not that the Princess would admit it to either Lulamoon’s face. “One success does not a successful experiment make, my lazy apprentice…”
“Lazy and Powerful,” Celeste admonished, though her cheer was somewhat short-lived, as she recalled that her breakfast was currently a cold plate of eggs and toast pushed to the side of the room. “But in any case, while one success is nothing, you’ve now got… I lost count. Are we up to seventeen successful tests?”
“Eighteen,” Twilight shook her head, “But that’s not the point. I need to make certain that this will work. I won’t get a second chance.”
Technically, you’ve got Five chances, Celeste wanted to say… but she’d inherited her father’s tact.
So, instead, she kept to a polite tone while saying, “I know this is important to you, Princess. But… maybe you can just take the win? We know now that you weren’t the only one to get doused in raw Friendship Magic way back when you ascended.”
The Princess shuffled uneasily. She seemed to be fighting a losing battle, internally. Her anxiety was putting up a stiff defense against her unbridled joy. No winners so far, though there was the hint of a smile on her face now.
“It’ll still be up to them when they…” deep breath, “… when they expire.”
“Ooh!” Celeste cast a reheating spell on her eggs and toast while rolling her eyes dramatically, “Expire! Was that your word of the day?”
“Celeste…” Twilight frowned again, this time more genuinely.
The archmage relented, throwing her emerald wizard hat and cloak on. It didn’t do to not be properly dressed, even for a meagre breakfast in between tests.
“Why wouldn’t they say yes?” she asked through a full muzzle of food, “I mean… immortality sounds awesome…”
Twilight, magically hefting a sandwich to her mouth from her saddlebag left against the wall, chuckled, “Oh, I know. It’s got a lot of perks, let me tell you. I don’t have to worry about wrinkles, or arthritis, or anything like that. But…”
Her eyes changed, as though they shifted their focus from her late-breakfast to some indescribable thing out on the invisible horizon. Celeste had gotten good at noticing when her mentor’s melancholy was acting up. And she’d learned to just let it take its course.
“Being alone is absolutely a curse. So, if even one of my friends takes the chance to join me… I’d like to think they would.
“But,” she contemplated the circle of runes that had previous been the epicenter of her experiment, “Applejack will probably want to see her parents and Granny again. Dash won’t stay if Applejack goes. Pinkie would prefer all of us, or none of us do it, probably so she can throw a bigger party… I suppose after Time ends…”
“Fluttershy has Discord,” Celeste nodded along, then continued in a posh accent that sounded incredibly familiar, “And, darling, Rarity would never be so gauche as to take immortality when all her other friends, save for you… darling, didn’t. Darling.”
“That’s one too many ‘darlings’.”
“I thought the accent was good,” Celeste giggled like a school filly, “Anyway… ready for test nineteen…?”
But further hypothesizing and testing would have to wait, as much as the fate of Twilight’s friends might have hung in the balance. For all of a sudden, a dull, sonorous toll rang out through the halls and chambers of the underground. The warped bell-like warning shook the dust from shelves, and set one of Celeste’s fillings to rattle in her jaw.
“What?” the mystical unicorn looked dumbfounded, her mane whipping back and forth with her head as she seemed to be trying to locate the source of the bell in the room itself, “That… that can’t be…?”
“It’s the Cloister Bell,” Princess Twilight intoned, her voice emotionless as the bell.
“The Cloister Bell!?” Celeste’s eyes widened considerably, her mouth agape, “But… but that means…”
The Princess fixed her student with a glare, not aimed at her necessarily, but at the thought of what was to come. She gathered herself, and for a moment appeared as stern, as uncompromising, and as… well, as Divine as Celeste always truly, secretly in the back of her own mind saw the Princess.
The archmage had seen thunderstorms pause before that look.
Twilight Sparkle said, in a low, tense voice, “Someone has broken into the Starlight Vault.”
The room’s door flew open at that moment, as Spike the Dragon, Royal Advisor, stormed in. “The Vault…!” he gasped, having clearly run a marathon to reach his friends here in the palace depths. “Guards… unconscious! Cloister…”
“Quickly, Spike,” the Princess spoke in a commanding voice as she swept past him and out of the room, Celeste in tow, “I need you to send out some letters! Get Starlight, the Princesses, the Pillars, the other mages, Gallus… everycreature on deck!”
Spike took only a moment to spin around in place and sprint back out into the halls.
“Should… should I rouse the guards? Looks like somecreature just knocked out the ones near the kitchens and secret doors…” the dragon-assistant puffed as he pulled out parchment and quill.
“Don’t be silly!” Celeste laughed, recalling just how often the Guard had never caught her or Flurry Heart back in the day, “Never send a stallion to do a mare’s job!”
Shade Bright and Beau Tie (Beauregard had finally settled on it) came back around one of the hedge rows towards the small clearing where the Elements of Disharmony had been, led there by a blissfully grinning Frosted Apple. She’d apparently been given some sort of magical, mental command by Grogar, but why they needed to stealthily follow the zombie away from their groups didn’t quite register…
That is, until they saw Pearl Rose, who was presently doing a perfect impression of a statue herself. The unicorn filly was stuck, all four hooves rooted to the ground, and her eyes snapped wide, wide open. She seemed to be gazing up at the…
“That’s not a good sign,” Beau stated the obvious.
Shady shook his head, “No. No, that’s not.”
“Ah brought the chillens, Master!” Frosted pranced over to the ram’s side, and continued to beam with the happiness of an order followed, a perfect contrast to his own permanent, stormy scowl.
Shady approached Ann and Cheese, who were pre-wincing in anticipation for Pearl’s exact reaction to everything… once she was done staring gobsmacked at the statue itself. Flawless and Dib sat nearby as well, and pointed out Beau and Shady’s approach to Moon, who quickly ran to meet them.
Moon gave the two latecomers a quick and dirty rundown of the events.
“Ann went crazy over Cutie Marks, big surprise there,” he began, rolling his eyes at the memory, “and she decided to turn the Cozy statue into a real pegasus filly.”
“Why…?” Beau frowned.
“That’s what I said!” Moon ground one hoof into the grass beneath him for punctuation, “Then… well, suffice to say, it looks like somecreature accidentally moved the real statue out here for some reason, labeled it a replica so’s not to scare anycreature…”
Shady’s mouth dried up instantly. He blinked, and tried to ask the obvious. “So… Ann brought back the…”
“The original Cozy Glow, yeah,” Moon sighed. “There might have been words shared over that. Angry words. Lots of yelling, actually,” he stole a glance towards Cheese that neither Beau nor Shady missed.
“Is Ann alright?” Shady looked over to the Ponequus, “I can’t imagine realizing what happened is going well for her right now.”
“She’s…” Moon frowned and waved one hoof in the air in a ‘so-so’ manner, “She’s okay. I think we’re all just waiting to see how Pearl handles the news.”
And, as if on cue, there was a loud gasp from the unicorn filly. All gathered slowly around as she took several deep breaths through her nose and out her mouth. She closed her eyes, the first time since seeing the statue and listening to Moon’s summary from before.
Pearl stopped, finally, and turned towards Ann and Cheese, who flinched under her eerily placid gaze.
“Peawl…” Ann began an apology already worked out in her mind, but paused herself when Pearl raised a hoof for silence.
Pearl said, “Alright. What is the plan?”
Everycreature besides the zombie and Grogar’s eyes bulged for a moment. Then, upon realizing that Pearl was, in fact, not about to explode from a potent combination of fury, panic, and recriminations, Cheese took it upon himself to answer the resulting silence.
“Plan?”
“Yes, dear. Plan.” Pearl slowly spun around, to make sure all her friends were paying attention. “Something has clearly gone horribly wrong, and it must be set right,” her eyes paused briefly as she took in the two adults in the meeting, “But to do this, we must decide exactly what is to be done.”
After a few, stunned seconds, Moon stepped forward.
“Alright,” he said, wings nervously flexing at his sides, “Just gonna throw out the craziest idea first…”
Ann gasped, and her face became a pool of resplendent joy.
“… but maybe, we call in the grownups, and let them handle it.”
Ann pouted. “Aw…”
Shady nodded, “That does seem to be the most… responsible solution, if nothing else.”
There was a general murmur of agreement between the foals. That did seem to be the most responsible thing they could do right now.
Ann, however, was having none of it. She took her own step forward, and looked Moon in the eye as she said, “No. We can’t just get ouw pawents this time.”
“Why the heck not?” Moon barked, his voice taking on an edge of hysterics as his eyes narrowed in Ann’s direction.
She paused a moment, seeming to gather herself, before speaking. “This was ouw… no, my mistake. I got so caught up in wanting my Cutie Mawk that I ignowed all the wawning signs and did something stupid…”
“Harsh, but fair,” Dib whispered to a nodding Flawless.
Ann continued, “So, since I was the one who let Cozy Glow go, it’s my wesponsibility to get her back.”
Moon sputtered, but no coherent words came out of him. Instead, Shady, after glancing worryingly at his bat-friend, adjusted his glasses and stepped a little closer to Ann.
“But why?” he asked, frowning, “I mean… our folks are all a lot better suited to this saving the day stuff, right? I bet Discord could snap his talons and…”
“And then…” Ann interrupted, her voice pitching slightly, “Then I’ll have to admit what happened, and I’m gonna end up gwounded, only pewmanently! Do you want me to get banished to the moon? Or impwisoned… on the moon!?”
“Yeah, I can see it,” Cheese scratched his chin thoughtfully, “Your dad’s pretty intense…”
Ann rolled her eyes, “Nah, he’s okay. It’s my Mom I’m wowwied about…”
“No!” Moon finally figured out how his mouth worked again, “This is dumb! Just own up to it! We are not equipped to deal with this… aren’t we?”
Ann hopped up, and with a snakelike motion her friends were used to seeing, she drifted over to Moon and placed a hoof on his shoulder.
“See,” she said, staring him in the eyes through his sunglasses, “That’s my othew point! We’we the Cutie Mawk Cwusadews!” She jabbed her free hoof triumphantly into the air, “We awe the best gwoup to handle this pwoblem!”
“How do you figure that?” Flawless tilted her head questioningly, and not without a skeptical frown on her face. “We’re just nine foals, up against one of the Terrible Trio! The baddest filly to ever try and destroy Equestria. How exactly are we supposed to deal with this?”
Ann was instantly across the little circle formed by their group, wings and forelegs outstretched, “We’we not just foals! You and Peawl are the best Buckball playews awound! You’we fastew and stwongew than any other pony I know.”
Cheese squinted his eyes and silently thought about his Mom and Aunt Applejack.
But Ann wasn’t reading minds at just this moment, and so when Flawless allowed the briefest smirk to cross her features, the Ponequus swiveled around to Goldie.
“Goldie!” Ann pointed with a wingtip, “You’we not just cwazy big and stwong, but you’we also weally smawt, and you can see in the dawk!”
The griffon’s head spun clean around to hide her sudden blush, “W-well, I g-guess I can see pretty well, all things considered…”
“Beauregard!” Ann spun back around.
“Ah, it’s Beau Tie…” the oversized blue colt coughed.
Her smile didn’t falter for an instant, “Beau Tie! You’we magic may not be subtle, but I saw how you used it. You’ve got powew in you! Magic powew that could knock the socks off anothew unicown twice youw age!”
“Huh… yeah,” Beau grinned, beaming over towards Flawless, “I guess I am pretty cool.”
She spun to Dib next.
“Dib, you’we a gweat flyer!” the smile she sent the changeling’s way was clearly infectious, as his face split into a wide grin instantly, “And some of the twansf… tw… um, fowms I’ve seen you tuwn into awe weally impwessive! Cwazy good!”
The changeling lifted his head up, and sniffed with obvious pride.
Ann kept spinning around, pointing to Shady and Moon next. “Shady’s the smawtest pony I know, especially when it comes to knowing lots of things. You basically know evewything thewe is to know about stuff!”
“I mean,” Shady worked his muzzle a bit, thinking through his next words before allowing a little smile to creep up on him. “I’ve been practicing a little magic too. Mostly illusions…”
“That’s gweat!” Ann cried, “That’s even bettew! And Moon!”
The batpony, so far scowling at everything going on around him that didn’t involve seeking out the nearest sensible authority figures, perked his ears up as Ann spoke.
“You awe the wisest pony I’ve evew met,” she said in a calmer tone, her eyes set into a serious expression, “I know I sometimes… go a little cwazy, but you’we always the one I listen to instead of my big dumb bwain.”
“Your bwa… I mean, brain is not dumb, Ann. You just need to use it more.”
“And I’ll twy,” she pleaded, a twinge of hurt in her expression that made Moon’s heart hurt just a little, “I weally will twy! Because… because I wespect what you say too much not to.”
Well, that… that…
Moon couldn’t quite follow that up with anything. He still thought this was a stupid, terrible, idiotic, suicidal idea… but for a moment there, he didn’t care. And that worried him.
In the spare moment that followed, Ann turned back towards her very first friend. And Cheese, not a cynical drop in his entire being, just smiled back.
Nothing needed to be said.
So, Ann went for the kill.
“We awe the Cutie Mawk Cwusadews!” she stamped a hoof once more, “Cozy is just a foal, like us! And she’s cleawly not listening to what hew Mawk is telling hew! Othewwise, she’d pwobably be a lot nicew, wight?”
Another murmur of agreement went around the circle, with only Moon holding out this time.
Ann stood on her hind legs and pointed up into the sky as she proclaimed, “As the CMC, it is ouw duty to help fillies and colts with theiw Cutie Mawk pwoblems. How can we evew live up to ouw Foundews if we let this chance slide!?”
“Yeah!” Cheese shouted, “If we work together, who can stop us?”
Pearl’s warry expression shifted as she considered Ann’s words. She, like Moon and Flawless, still doubted this… plan, if one could call it that… but slowly, the logic of it all began to make a bit more sense.
“I suppose we avoided our parents with the Buckball rivalry,” she said more to herself than anycreature else, “So… we have done this on our own before…”
Silence fell on the group. Each creature looked about, wondering for a moment if one of them would try to come up with another reason they should not consider doing this… and finding that nocreature did.
Ann smiled, triumphant. “Cutie Mawk Cwusaders?”
It took only another moment before their hesitation melted away. Each stepped forward, and set one hoof… or in Goldie’s case, claw… into the center, and as one let out a cheer.
“Cutie Mark Crusaders Forever!”
“Um…” Dib scratched his head, “So, before we start… did anyone happen to see where Cozy Glow went?”
Another long, quiet moment passed, this time with embarrassed blushes on every face. Nocreature could quite bear to look one another in the eyes for several seconds.
That was, until Grogar said, “I did.”
Ann looked to her grandfather with a startled expression, “Weally? You did?”
“Yes,” the ram shrugged, “When she fled here, I perceived her to enter the local galley, or kitchen, as you might call it. She seemed quite eager to escape your notice, which was not difficult.”
“Gweat!” Ann cried, “We have a lead!”
Moon, however, raised his head to try and look Grogar in the eye, “Why didn’t you stop her?”
Ann waved down her friend, “Oh, Moon! He didn’t know it was the weal Cozy…”
“I did, actually,” he said.
Ann’s casual smile remained on her face, even as it faded from her eyes. “What?”
“I said,” Grogar’s voice edged into annoyance, “that I knew it was the real Cozy.”
“Since when!?” Cheese shouted, a small vein slightly bulging on the side of his neck.
The Dread Ram hardly noticed. “Since I first laid eyes upon the statue. I could sense the dark energies within, and soon deduced that the statue must have been placed here in error.”
“Gwampa…” Ann’s face twitched and shifted through a couple of emotions rapidly, before settling on sorrow and heartache, “Why? Why would you let me do that!? You knew I was about to unleash unspeakable evil…”
She paused.
Then, she scowled. “Gwampa… you did it on puwpose…”
The Dark Lord betrayed nothing. “And?”
Ann’s face slowly darkened as a hot flash of rage welled up within her chest. She could feel that deep, deep well of anger brimming and boiling within her as the thought settled in.
Grogar clearly didn’t notice this either.
“I wanted to test you, my child,” he said without a trace of regret, “Unleashing an evil upon Equestria was little more than a happy accident. I simply wished to see you face a challenge.
“But I was sorely disappointed,” Grogar shook his head sadly, taking little note of Ann’s deepening scowl, “I believed you would realize the error you’d made and stop Cozy. There was an outside chance, I thought, that you’d join her… but I suppose the chances were higher you’d try and convert her to the…” he spat, “the magic of friendship.”
Smoke began to billow off of Ann’s mane, but Grogar continued.
“Instead, I saw you let go of all sense! You let your petty desire for a pathetic Cutie Mark cloud your judgement! You are every bit like your father, unable to put aside your personal needs and vices in order to do what must be done. And now, all you hold dear will… suffer…”
He slowed down as he spoke, eyes slowly widening as he took in Ann’s shimmering form. As he met her eyes with his own, Grogar could hear, just faintly at the edge of hearing, his grandfoal’s unconscious thoughts. Or, perhaps thought would be more accurate. There was only one word blaring across her mindscape.
Hate
The feeling was so… visceral. Grogar could actually taste it. And it was a bitter flavor indeed.
“Grogar…” she uttered, low and full of that primal fury no foal could truly muster.
But nothing else came. Not from Ann. For, just as she was about to let loose the dam of her rage, there was a brilliant flash of light just behind where she stood, and a wave of heat scorched the grass all around the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
“HOW COULD YOU!?”
A roaring, Nirik-shaped inferno howled at Grogar from the spot where once Shady stood. The creature, burning with a hot blue flame, stalked past his friends towards the old goat himself, blackening the grass beneath him.
It was true, the old saying. You could starve one fire by lighting another. Shady’s wrath, in full, blazing display, instantly sucked the life out of Ann’s own rage, leaving her, and everycreature else, nearly catatonic as he approached Grogar.
“She’s your grandfoal, for Celestia’s sake!”
“D-do not presume to lecture me, Worm!” Grogar snarled back, though there was an instant, almost unnoticed, of hesitation.
But Shady was resolute. “She’s your family! And you… you did all this to TEST her?”
Grogar steadied himself, “I intended to forge her into something stronger. Weakness…”
Shady roared again, his face pulling to the side… and unleashing a torrent of flame into The Elements of Disharmony statue, blackening the visage of Queen Chrysalis Starlight Glimmer until it better resembled her appearance in real life.
Had Dib not been left shivering from Shady’s initial outburst, as all of their friends presently were, that alone would have sent the Changeling into a panicky fit.
But the Nirik returned his rage to Ann’s grandfather.
“Family is not a test!” he cried, “It’s not a transaction, or an agreement! It’s a bond, made in love and duty and trust! And… and you violated that trust!”
Grogar said nothing. The silence was damning.
As Shady took a deep breath, prepared to continue, there was a sudden hiss. A bit of his mane flashed. And then, another hiss, and the tip of one ear flickered. And then, another hiss, and another, and another.
Shade’s whole body began to sputter as the rain came down. But even as his Nirik form dissipated, and he appeared Kirin once more, the metal rim of his glasses burned white-hot, a glaring reminder of the anger still burning within him.
His glaring eyes were the last thing to smolder and fade.
And Grogar, the Dread Ram himself, said nothing.
Shady trotted around him, and made a beeline for the kitchens, highlighted by simple signs placed elegantly and effectively across the palace grounds. Each of the CMC members followed in stunned silence.
Stunned, but in agreement. Flawless, Pearl, Beau, and Dib left first, not willing to remain within sight of the ram. Goldie hesitated, but swiftly seemed to prefer the terror that was following Shady to the horror that was remaining near Grogar.
Moon and Cheese followed up the rear, each giving Ann a soft, saddened glance. In their own, unique ways, each knew precisely how a beloved parent or loved one could hurt them, at least unintentionally.
“Remind me,” Moon whispered to Cheese, “Never cross Shady.”
Cheese nodded, “Yeah… same…”
The last to leave the garden was Ann herself.
The raw, pulsing anger had faded from her eyes. But the pain, and the hurt, were still evident, even to Grogar, who hardly noticed such things.
“Ann…”
“We’ll talk,” Ann said, emotionless, “But latew.”
She followed her friends out of the garden. She never looked back.
Left alone, save for the undead and completely contented Frosted Apple, Grogar allowed the rain to fall upon him uninterrupted. And as his mane and coat matted, and the rain plinked off his horns and little bells in a cavalcade of sour and flat notes, he closed his eyes to the world, and thought.
He thought of Discord.
“I did it again…”
11 - The Pony of Chaos, Part 4 - Cheese Dies at the End
Princess Twilight, Celeste, and Spike hastened through the underground halls of the Palace’s basement level, the Alicorn and unicorn’s magic allowing them to follow the most optimal path to whatever had triggered the alarm-spell. They were joined by one of the changeling guards, a Lieutenant Aphan, who came to give them the fullest report already available.
The intruder had used the kitchens as the point-of-entry. Two guards, busy hitting on some of the cooks, didn’t see anything before an entire shelf of frying pans dropped on them without warning. The cooks were so shocked that they failed to see the intruder themselves, only being able to report the sounds of hoofsteps rapidly fading into the distance after the fact.
The Princess was worried about her guards. Celeste was annoyed at learning lunch would be late. But Spike, of whom it was said had the soul of a chef, was seething.
Intruders, in my kitchens…
Aphan further reported, as the group passed by a wall of guardstallions and guardmares locking the Palace down, that the Royal Librarian, Quill Slash, had found the older Restricted Section opened up, with its contents scattered about in disarray. There hadn’t been time to do an inventory.
“Sounds like our guy knows what he’s looking for,” Spike noted, managing to keep his breathing calm and controlled despite his having skipped ‘leg-day’ once too often at this point.
“Or gal,” Aphan buzzed along, his gold-and-purple armor paired well with his white chitin, a popular illusion amongst the changeling guards, “We did find hoofprints, but they weren’t on record. And they were small, like a foal’s.”
Celeste mused, “That shouldn’t be possible. Everypony gets hoofprinted at birth these days, and since as long as I can remember.”
The lieutenant nodded, and with a flash of emerald-green fire, he was instantly replaced with something that looked an awful lot like one of Rarity’s Ponequins. If there was one thing, and only one thing, Spike disliked about his ‘Rarity Time’, it was those Ponequins, and this was somehow creepier still. Pale, off-white fur without mane or tail, and eerily completed with changeling eyes and wings, the Lieutenant flew alongside Spike like something out of his nightmares.
“I managed to work out the intruder’s rough dimensions using the hoofprints,” Aphan beamed, which made the thing that he looked like all the more horrifying.
It was the size of a foal. Possibly, if the measurements were right, a filly.
“Eugh,” Spike blanched, “Do we really think it’s a foal? Like, really?”
“I know it’s unsettling,” Twilight cast a sympathetic eye back towards her advisor and little brother, “But we know from experience that even a child can… can make terrible choices.”
Celeste blinked once, and then scowled. “I’m feeling sort of attacked right now…”
“No,” Spike chuckled, despite the seriousness of the situation, “I think she was talking about Cozy…”
He paused as they exited the tight corridors and entered a large, spacious cavern. Spike was vaguely aware that Twilight had converted this chamber into the Starlight Vault because it had been the spot where Princess Cadance had been imprisoned by Queen Chrysalis so many years ago. Yet in spite of that dubious legacy, he was always dumbstruck entering it.
Stalactites of pure, radiant crystal hung from the distant ceiling, reflecting a peculiarly beautiful magelight across the cavern. The stalagmites had been cleared from the floor, except near the edges of the cave, where they stood as pillars of glimmering beauty. The whole place reminded Spike of when he used to go gem-hunting with Rarity.
Heck, this was still his and her favorite spot to…
It was a good thing Dragons could hide their blushes so well beneath armored scales; Spike thanked his lucky stars.
The Vault itself stood resolute at the far end of the cavern, a solid, faceless wall of unblemished marble, upon which a rainbow effect was cast by the crystal cavern. But as Twilight and company approached, and Lieutenant Aphan took up a guardian position nearer to the cave’s entrance, Spike could see an assembled mob of unicorns weaving spell-light across its façade.
Over a dozen unicorn mages were here, called by the Cloister Bell through a magical network of alarm-spells woven throughout Canterlot. They were the last line of defense for the Vault, as well as its jailors, if and when somecreature managed to penetrate its outer defenses, a series of magical barriers erected by Twilight, Starlight, Starswirl, and even Celeste, to prevent even time from harming the Vaults exterior.
But the Vault’s locked door, a black wall of oak inlaid in silver, was entirely un-magical by design, held shut by an infernally devious mechanical puzzle-lock. But from the way the door hung ajar, it looked like the intruder had figured out its secrets.
At the center of the mage formation stood an imposingly strict turquoise mare, dressed in the severe dark dress of high office with her multi-hued purple mane and tail both tied up in a tight bun. She appeared, for all intents and purposes, to be the nastiest, rules-obsessed instructor from the most prestigious university.
It was all to the good, then, that the pony Abacus Cinch was both an excellent Headmare of the Celestia School for Gifted Unicorns, as well as a total sweetheart. Twilight had been delighted to find such a strange difference between the human world beyond Starswirl’s Mirror, and Equestria.
“Abacus,” she called, warmly but with haste, “What’s the situation?”
Caught in the middle of aiding the other mages with a warding spell, Abacus, a mare about the same age as Celeste, took a moment to disentangle her horn’s rosy red magic from theirs before she galloped straight for the Princess.
“Your Majesty!” the younger mare nearly tripped over herself as she attempted to bow and slow down simultaneously. But she soon found her footing, and kept pace alongside Celeste while she gave her report.
“The Starlight Vault has been compromised, but my mages have already locked down the entire underground! The thief won’t be escaping so easily.”
“Good work, Abacus,” Twilight nodded her gratitude for the quick response, “It looks like our intruder is a filly, or possibly a small colt, so let’s not get too zealous about taking them down. I’d prefer we just make sure everycreature is safe and unharmed.”
The small group came to a halt just outside of the Vault’s open doors. “A filly?” Abacus raised a questioning eyebrow, “Your Majesty, forgive me for saying this, but no mere filly could take down so many guards, break into the Restricted Section of the library, and then get into the Starlight Vault.”
She scoffed, and adjusted her glasses, “It’s simply… impossible.”
Celeste snorted, “Pheh! Those guards never even noticed when Flurry Heart and I used to sneak out for pizza late at night. Even Luster can run circles around them, and she’s almost as much a stick-in-the-mud as you, Abby…”
Spike clearly concurred, adding, “Yeah, even after Gallus took over, the guards have never really… been up to some of the nastier stuff we’ve seen. And don’t forget the last filly who broke in here…”
Princess Twilight shushed her friends with a gentle ruffle of her wings, and a stern glance back at the talkative duo. Once the giggling had died down, she returned her attention to the CSGU Headmare.
“Did your scanning spells detect anything? The intruder’s hoofprints weren’t in the database…”
Abacus flinched, and responded nervously, “N-no, Princess… we couldn’t. There a-appears to be a large amount of Thaumic Static in the area. W-we think it might be a Chaos Event causing a Quantum Cascade in the…”
She was interrupted by the sound of a claw slapping a scaled forehead. Twilight turned back around to see Spike holding his head as though he was suffering a terrible, unbelievable headache.
“Spike…?”
“It’s Ann,” the dragon sighed, wearily, “I’d put bits on it.”
Abacus tilted her head in confusion, “Who?”
“Anarchy,” Celeste whispered, “Discord and Fluttershy’s foal? Do you even read newspapers?”
“J-just for the crossword…” Abacus blushed.
Spike pointed up towards the surface with his claw, an unimpressed expression on his face. “Ann’s about the same kind of trouble as Discord somedays, and her school is holding a fieldtrip up in the gardens.”
Celeste and Princess Twilight slapped their own foreheads just then, right below their horns, and gave out identical frustrated sighs. It was uncanny, at least to Abacus, not helped by the cavern’s echo.
“Of course,” Celeste muttered, pinching her eyes shut, “That filly probably just wanted to see the cool secret vault and snuck down here with her friends.”
“Ann and… friends? I’m sorry, I’m having trouble keeping up,” Abacus frowned. What sort of foals, even ones with access to Chaos Magic, could or would cause such carnage?
Twilight chuckled, “Maybe I should reconsider banning the Cutie Mark Crusader organization from Equestria…”
Abacus’ eyes widened with full comprehension.
Ah, the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Now that makes perfect sense.
She swallowed audibly. “So… do I need to get more mages? Maybe a fire brigade…?”
“That won’t be necessary,” Twilight sighed as she began to trudge towards the door to the Vault once more, “Just hold down the fort while Celeste and I investigate. The two of us should be fine, Crusaders or not.”
“Twilight!” Spike called out quickly, “What do I tell the others? The Council meeting is gonna start as soon as they get here!”
“Keep them company, and let them know I’ll be right back!”
“And… don’t tell Discord or Fluttershy?” Spike snorted.
“Best not, until there’s something to tell,” Twilight chuckled softly as she entered the dark of the vault, with only Celeste Lulamoon at her side.
Spike nodded respectfully to Abacus, which was warmly reciprocated.
The mages settled in for their watch over the cavern, now with a sense of relief and gentle humor lifting the worry from their shoulders.
What is it with little fillies bringing down the Equestrian government? Abacus laughed to herself.
The difference between the Vault’s exterior and interior was, to put it mildly, like night and day. Outside was polished alabaster and lit by crystal glow. Inside, the stone was black and the light was dim. Celeste suppressed a shiver as she entered the perpetual twilight of the Vault, and tried not to think about the monstrous spellwork that had gone into its construction.
The Vault was like a labyrinth, a maze of black corridors lined with shelves and smaller side rooms smothered in warding spells that locked down their contents so thoroughly that most of the forbidden magical objects down here were practically in different dimensions from one another. And that was by design. If a magical catastrophe occurred anywhere in the Vault, it would be contained to one part of the vast interdimensional maze, rather than destroy the whole structure, or ever have a chance to escape back into Equestria proper.
Her first shiver was mostly from past experience. Celeste knew worse was coming, and as she and the Princess walked down the black corridors, she could feel her muscles tensing in anticipation. There was so much magic down here, so much raw power that it became suffocating for those who were sensitive to it, like unicorn mages. And the Vault was swimming in magic.
But worse never came. And that got Celeste worrying even more…
“Celeste?” Twilight half-turned to glance back at her young friend and pupil, “Are you alright?”
The gray unicorn looked up to her horn, and saw it flickering.
“S-sorry, Princess,” she reignited her light spell with a sharp breath and a moment of concentration, allowing its golden shimmer to mix with the Princess’s own purple aura, “I just got distracted. Nothing to worry about.”
Twilight slowed down, allowing Celeste to walk abreast of the much taller mare. She looked down on her pupil with full, welcoming eyes that appeared in the strange lighting to be pools of liquid gold.
The Princess sighed, “Celeste, you never inherited your mother’s poker face. What’s wrong?”
Celeste sighed, “Oh, you have to be so perceptive right now…”
“I’m just concerned,” the Princess said, slowly laying one of her wings over Celeste’s withers. “You’re being awfully quiet all of a sudden, and I can’t help but think you’re putting on a brave face about something. It’s alright to let me in a little, isn’t it?”
Why does she have to use that face? Celeste couldn’t help glancing up into her teacher’s ‘Mom’ face, the one she gave all her little ponies so they knew a comforting, loving pony was there for them.
“Stupid guilting friendship face…” she grumbled, but only half-seriously. She soon nodded to her sovereign, and tried to fit what she was feeling into words.
“I… I think that the ‘Chaos Event’ Abby was talking about might have suppressed a lot of the spells down here. I always get crazy shivers, dry-mouth, and a frizzy mane when I go down here for research…”
“Since when do you research?” Twilight suppressed a grin of her own, poorly.
Celeste rolled her eyes, “Har, har. But really, what do you think I do all day… never mind,” she frowned, “don’t answer that. In any case, I’m not feeling it now.”
“Nor am I,” Twilight glanced down a side hall, glimpsing a wall of books she knew were sapient, and evil, but no less tantalizing with their secret mysteries. “I’ve not felt much at all while we’ve been here. I hope Ann didn’t get lost. We’ll have to find her by hoof, you realize?
Celeste huffed. “Well, can’t be helped. I’ll just have to… extract concessions from her parents afterward.”
Twilight chuckled, “Concessions? Like, what? Will you get Discord to build a Celeste-themed rollercoaster?” The smirk she wore no doubt was from remembering Celeste’s coloring books from when she was being foalsat by Twilight and Flurry Heart.
“I would never be so tacky as that,” Celeste laughed, letting go of her anxiety over the state of the Vault, “It would be a Princess-themed rollercoaster.”
“… And you’d be a Princess?”
“Yup.”
The Princess shook her head, “Well. I wish you the best of luck with that. I hope you realize how rare it is to become a Princess…?”
“Says the mare who’s trying to make all her friends Alicorns…”
“Shush,” Twilight stopped in her tracks, her ears perked up.
Celeste hadn’t noticed, and continued on for several steps. “Oh, shush yourself! Pot calling the kettle…”
“Stop.” The hiss that went out from Twilight could have given some of the shelves in the Vault frostbite. It absolutely struck Celeste dumb for a moment. Then, she began to hear… something.
There was somecreature walking along the top shelf. And it had just found an old, creaky board. Both the Princess and the Archmage paused, and then in perfect synchronization, they looked up towards where they’d heard the sound.
Something flashed in the combined light, flying at high speed from one shelf to the next. They both followed its trajectory, and just before the object smashed into the wall, it was snared by purple and gold magic. Now frozen in midair, Celeste could see that it wasn’t a filly of any sort, but rather it was a simple crystal ball. By her recollection, the Crystal Ball of one used to curse the futures it foretold.
“How did…?” Celeste didn’t finish the thought, as a new sound cut the air behind her.
There was an almost imperceptible sound of somecreature falling, displacing very little air with tiny wings. It was like listening to a pillow drop. But instead of a heavy whump or anything soft and comforting like that, there was an incredible, sour clang.
And just like that, from the very edge of Celeste’s vision as she tried to turn around to face their assailant, she watched as the Princess Twilight Sparkle dropped like a stone to the floor.
It had happened so quickly, so suddenly that Celeste didn’t have time to react, no time to think. She saw her mentor splayed out on the floor, a small, red welt rising up from her otherwise ethereal mane…
And a little pink filly standing atop her, one foreleg wrapped around a dull, iron bell.
“Geez, Princess,” the filly smirked, “I really thought you were smarter than that…”
Celeste didn’t wait for the foal to explain. She didn’t give her a chance to monologue, or talk about her evil schemes. Celeste didn’t even hesitate because it was a little filly no older than Ann. She saw her beloved mentor, her Aunt-in-spirit, lain low upon the cold stone floor by this villain.
She cut loose with a blast of golden magic that would have made Starlight Glimmer blanche. Celeste drew on the blaze of fury in her heart, and she held nothing back. The stone floor beneath her cracked from the change in air pressure, and the shelves squealed as they were rent aside and reduced to ash a moment later.
The very air hummed to life as the blast roared.
Celeste’s spell fired true, and she could even feel it connect. But then, something was wrong. She felt it hit. It hit. Unless that filly was made of solid steel, there should already be nothing left, but Celeste could still feel her.
This isn’t right… I need to stop…
She couldn’t pull back. Celeste’s magic just kept flowing through her horn and into the space where the filly once stood. A cold numbness started in her hooves, and second by second it spread up the Archmage’s legs and into her body. The magic was being torn from her, and it hurt.
It hurt so badly…
Celeste cried out, vainly trying to stop, to halt the loss of her magic. But as seconds turned into a minute, she could feel the cold overtake her, and with a final gasp, Celeste Lulamoon fell to the stone floor, total exhaustion threatening to pull her down into the darkness of sleep.
But, sadly, she remained awake. She looked up from the floor, and watched as the filly hefted that iron bell above her head.
Her eyes were scarlet, and they were fixated on the bell.
“How many decades, and that trick still works?” she laughed, manically, “Boy, Princess… you really know how to pick em.”
“W-who…?” Celeste gasped, feeling the weight of her bones hold her tired muscles to the ground.
“Oh, sorry about that!” the pink pegasus hopped over to the fallen mage, staying well out of legs-reach still, “Name’s Cozy Glow! Been a real crazy day so far, let me tell you!”
Her face scrunched up in mock-consideration. “Actually, on second thought, I don’t think I will. Now… how did this thing work again?”
An eldritch peal of sound shook the bell with a flattened note, and Celeste could see her magic flow from the Bell into the crazed filly. Cozy shivered as the power flowed through her, a satisfied grin on her face. Her wings lengthened, and a small horn slowly formed atop her head.
Cozy Glow was an Alicorn again.
“Aw!” she sighed in pure, blissful satisfaction, “Now that feels great. I really missed this.”
Celeste knew, deep down, that she shouldn’t antagonize the god-like monster that had just stolen her magic. It was a very rational thing to do, or in this case, not do.
Too bad she inherited something else from her mother.
“Y-you’re gonna regret that,” she managed to bring herself back up to her hooves with some effort, “Villains tend to get their flanks… whupped around these parts.”
Cozy cast an annoyed glance at the unicorn struggling to stand before her. She sneered at the pathetic creature, and laughed, “And who’s gonna stop me? You? Who even are you?”
Celeste just barely managed to put on her best showmare grin. It was the one…
The one Mom showed me, she thought, The one nopony could ignore.
“I am…” pause for dramatic effect, “… the Mighty and Mystical… Celeste Lula—”
She got no further, as a wave of red light washed over Celeste instantly, leaving behind nothing but a stone statue, trapped min-sentence forever.
Cozy blew the excess smoke from her horn, and laughed again, “Know what? I don’t really care.
“Now,” she hefted up the Bell in her magical aura and grinned as its fell magic began to encircle the Princess, “Let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we…?”
“We’re lost.”
Pearl bristled at the repeated complaint. “Cheese, we are not lost… I just haven’t the faintest notion of where we are at the moment.”
Dib sighed, and eyed a tall, marble pillar shrouded in purple and gold bunting, as he said, “I thought your dad was some bigshot here, and that you attended tea with the Princess or something?”
“Papa always uses the chariot,” Pearl grumbled, “So I only really know the upper stories where the landing pads are…”
She slowed, slightly, and seemed to contemplate the plush carpeting she now walked upon. “Hm… considering how Papa said walking was for lesser ponies, perhaps I shouldn’t feel so good about that…”
Ann only half-listened to her bickering friends as she walked in the rear of their impromptu formation. There wasn’t a purposeful order to their march, except that Pearl and Cheese had the most experience of all the group in walking the Palace halls.
Well, presumably.
“Hold up!” Flawless frowned with a combination of irritation and confusion at Cheese, “Your Mom is on the Council! How do you not know your way around here?”
Cheese shrugged in between his springy hops. “Eh. I barely know my way around most places. Why would this be any different?”
Flawless balked. “It’s… it’s a Palace!” her voice bounced off the stunningly high ceiling, but didn’t seem to register with her to tone it down, “… that you visit once a month! How do you not know at least a little of the basics!?”
The group turned yet another corner, coming from one wing of the Palace decorated in purple and alabaster design, and entering one with a far more muted, cyan and rainbow-trimmed one. Ann rather appreciated how the colors changed and shifted as they made their way through the royal residence. She’d been feeling sorely about Chaos since they’d begun their search almost an hour ago, so having a little bit of randomness and eclecticism in the Palace’s design felt good to see.
“The destination,” Cheese mused in a ‘philosophical’ voice, “is never as important as the journey.”
Shady blinked. “That wasn’t Sun Zoo. Was that…?”
“Trance Bronco Emberson,” Cheese smiled, “or, Tranquil Ember, before he moved to Ponyville. One of the best Kirin philosophers…”
“Who didn’t get lost in the Royal Palace, am I correct?” Flawless snarked and rolled her eyes at the nerds she’d surrounded herself with. That wasn’t a great idea, in retrospect, since it caused her to make eye-contact with a rather unsettling bust of Chancellor Puddinghead, leering down from an alcove.
Cheese twisted his head around almost completely to look back at her. “Actually, he did. It was very embarrassing, and my Mom and Aunt Rarity had to teach him a Friendship lesson about looking where he was… going…”
The colt snapped his head back around in order to avoid running into another one of the Palace’s copious statues. There had been more and more of them as the group made their way through the place, and even Ann was becoming concerned. Setting statues up in the middle of a hallway just seemed off, somehow.
“I’m gonna go out on a limb hewe,” she sighed, and looked away from the statue of a pegasi guard trapped in a moment of terror, “and assume this is all my fault.”
“It is,” Moon nodded. He squeaked, however, as he felt a magical jab in his side. Glancing over to a frowning Shady, he added, “But… it’s mostly Cozy, I guess.”
Pearl shook her head, “I just wish I knew how she was…”
“Hold up!” Dib shushed her with a wave of his hoof and dropped to the carpeted floor. Everycreature’s eyes widened as they watched him tuck into a predatory pose, millennia of instinct causing hackles to rise as Dib’s hunter-instincts took over.
He flashed the others his fangs as he whispered, “I hear something up ahead…”
The changeling seemed to strain his ears for a moment.
“Is… is that a party cannon…?”
Unscheduled black storm clouds had covered the sky by this point, leading to an air of disquiet running all throughout Canterlot. The Weather Bureau and the Ministry of the Environment were getting inundated by complaints at this very moment, from every panicky noble and everypony else who had nothing better to do, which was redundant. But around the palace, the silence reigned.
At least, it did, until two mares entered through the front gates and began squabbling through the halls.
“All I’m sayin’, sugarcube,” Applejack rolled her eyes as they walked in through the main doors, “is that ye can’t just murder Discord.”
Rainbow Dash huffed and hovered a few feet in the air, only keeping pace with her earthbound wife so she would have somepony to complain to.
“I don’t want to kill him,” she sniffed in a very Rarity-like manner, “I just want to beat him to within an inch of his life. That’s all.”
They’d been at it since Sweet Apple Acres, and Applejack was just about sick of the whole thing.
“Dash,” she sighed, “I know yer upset about…”
“About my kid being in the wrong mare!” Rainbow threw her forelegs out, as though she could physically point out what was wrong in front of her.
“… but, even if Discord can’t fix this, I need you ta calm down.”
An orange hoof settled on Rainbow Dash’s side. The Wonderbolt Captain turned to look at her partner, and the fire that had been burning since that morning finally smothered. She set down on the soft carpeting, and finally seemed to see Applejack again.
“Think how I’m feelin’ right now,” the mighty earth-mare’s voice was wispy, and quiet, “I was the one who… who always wanted…”
Dash scooper up her wife in a winged hug, and the two simply stopped. They held onto one another for what felt like minutes, just listening to each other’s breathing. Each was glad there weren’t any guards to see this small moment of weakness between the two, but gladder still that the other was there for it.
“I’ll…” Dash sighed, and broke the hug with a quick nuzzle, “I can manage, really.”
“Ya sure?” Applejack’s eyes had dried themselves, and she regarded her wife with simple, if earnest, curiosity.
“Heh,” Dash stood up on her hind legs, and gave a suitably super-heroic pose, “What? You don’t think an awesome pony like me can handle being a little pregnant?”
Years and years of knowing better had honed Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s hearing to an art, at least with regards to a few sounds they had learned to dread like an oncoming storm. They’d heard the click, and the mechanical clack that usually heralded…
A party cannon. One of Pinkie’s, the Deluxe, if Dash wasn’t mistaken. And amidst the shower of confetti and the squeal of whatever else it was that the manic pink mare stuck in her cannons, she and Applejack could only shake their heads at their own foolishness.
A paper party horn squealed next to them as Pinkie Pie appeared out of thin air.
“You’re pregnant!? CONGRATULATIONS!!!”
And another squeal.
But then, the falling confetti paused, and Pinkie’s eyes narrowed at her friends.
“Wait… you’re carrying it all the way, right? Discord’s not letting you guys skip anything?”
Dash couldn’t look away from the death glare coming her way, and meekly managed to say, “N-no…”
“Uh, yeah…” Applejack nodded, also unable to look away, “All he did was move us up a couple weeks so it’d be sure ta happen. We… we wanted it ‘O nat-yur-all’, as Rarity might call it…”
The two were trapped there, under the silent gaze of an angry, angry pony…
Until she smiled. Then, with the confetti resuming their fall to the floor, and Pinkie’s joy and happiness restored, she laughed and began to trot down the hall in the direction of the throne room.
“That’s great! No one should miss out on suffering… I mean, experiencing the joys of Motherhood!”
Pinkie Pie continued to laugh, and cackle, all the way down the hall. This left Rainbow and Applejack to stare at each other in shared terror before they too decided to write that… experience off as just another Pinkie moment, and follow after her.
“Dude,” Shady slipped into a slightly groovy voice again as he stared around the corner, “Is your Mom, like, sane?”
Cheese looked at his hooves, and sighed, “I was a bad experience for her…”
“Are they gone?” Goldie cowered under a rainbow-themed chaise lounge set against the wall.
“Looks like it,” Ann watched the grownups walk away from the hall-corner the Crusaders had hid behind. She could feel the knots in her stomach start to unwind as they disappeared off into the distance.
Sadly, that wasn’t a good thing, as she now knew all too well.
“And…” she took a breath, held it in her cheeks, and let it go only after several seconds had passed, “We gotta follow them…”
Moon threw his head back and whisper-shouted, “Finally! We’re calling in the professionals!”
Pearl, barely noting Moon’s outburst, gave Ann a concerned look, and asked, “Dear? Is everything alright? You were quite adamant about avoiding our parents for this adventure.”
The Ponequus sat down on her haunches, and crossed her forelegs. She gave the thought she’d had a little ponder. It hadn’t formed completely into a solid idea yet, and she wanted to know what she was going to say before she said it.
“I think…” she said slowly, letting the pieces fall into place naturally, “I think Cozy is that way.”
“And you know this, how?” Shady wasn’t doubting Ann… not entirely. But he’d put a lot of trust in her already, she knew, and that had to be redeemed at least a little bit here and there.
She stepped to one side, so that they all could see her. “Because Chaos told me,” she flinched as she said this.
Her friends and fellow Crusaders stared. Surprise was there, in each of their expressions, but Cheese, Flawless, and Moon’s held further worry and hesitation. They’d been the ones to doubt her the most before, and this was all sounding like a broken record on repeat.
“I know what you’we thinking,” she held out a hoof to stop anycreature from arguing, “But I can explain. See, last time, I was listening to Chaos and doing what it wanted, wegawdless of what you guys wewe saying, and wegawdless of what I should have been thinking.”
She paced as she thought, hoping that moving her legs would get some blood pumping back through her brain so it could sort out what she was feeling.
“But,” she licked her lips, almost scared of what was coming to her, “But this time, Chaos is telling me to walk away. It doesn’t want me to do anything… because some kind of Chaos is about to happen ovew thewe.” She pointed back towards where Rainbow Dash and Applejack had gone.
She stopped, and looked back to her friends, who now sat like judges in a half-circle around her.
“Chaos isn’t helping wight now,” she said, shivering slightly, “So… I gotta listen to something else. Someone else.”
Ann sat back down, folding her forehooves together before her. She looked down at them, rather than at any of her friends. No telling what they would say. She hadn’t really been a fountain of good ideas lately.
Nothing happened. Nocreature moved. All Ann could see was the carpet at her hooves, and all she could hear was her own heart, hammering in her ears.
And then, she felt a wave of arms and legs barrel her over. The sheer weight of eight other creatures took the wind out of her, and from the bottom of the pile she could only see so much of them as they enveloped her in a great, big hug.
She nuzzled them back, words being entirely unnecessary at that moment.
A few minutes passed, after which each creature in the pile began to disentangle themselves. Once all were separated again, Ann took in their smiles, their genuine love and concern. She could see in every one of them that they were ready to follow her, ready to be the Cutie Mark Crusaders they knew they could be.
This was the first time they would have a real target. This was the first time they could see where they were Crusading to, and nothing would stop them.
Making sure to keep their distance, the Cutie Mark Crusaders followed in the direction they’d last seen Rainbow and Applejack.
“Sure seems quiet today,” Applejack remarked as she and the other two made their way down the halls and corridors of the Palace, “I ain’t ever seen it this deserted before.”
Pinkie, hopping along with her usual zany boing-boings, chuckled and said, “Yeah, I know what you mean! But what about that one time I tried teaching the Royal Baker how to prepare my Cherry-Changa-Supreme?”
Dash, flying just above the earth mares, nearly bent over double laughing. “Oh man! I remember that! It took weeks for the place to smell right again…!”
“Oh! Oh!” Pinkie’s eyes widened with glee, “And remember that time Discord turned everypony in Canterlot into humans…?”
“Uh, Pinkie?” Applejack raised an eyebrow, “I get what yer sayin’, but…”
“And there was the time Cozy, Tirek, and Chrysalis…”
“We get it, Pinkie!” Applejack slapped her friend’s ear good-naturedly with a swing of her hat, “Ya don’t hafta give us the highlights every time!”
The great double doors to the throne room were before them now, open just a crack, enough to see a stream of bright light oozing out into the hall. Applejack was glad to see some sort of life in the Palace today, and wondered again where all the guards had gone.
Even Gallus wasn’t around, which was actually unnerving enough for Applejack to finally say something.
“Anypony else got a bad feelin’ about today?” her eyes scanned the hall, but found nothing too out of place. There were a number of chairs and sofas lining the walls, decorated as fancy as she’d ever seen, which was normal as far as she knew.
Must have been a cleaning day, she figured. Why else would the staff pile so many statues out here in the halls with some white sheets covering them?
“Nah, it’ll be alright,” Pinkie smiled and closed her eyes as she stepped into the throne room, “Just remember to hold your breath, in case this takes a while.”
“In case what takes a while?” Dash watched Pinkie as she entered the throne room, a confused expression on the Wonderbolt’s face. It was never a good sign when Pinkie Pie started getting cryptic.
And there was nothing so cryptic as the smile she gave the two ponies beside her. She smiled, and then took a long, deep breath that filled her cheeks to burst, before she reached up into her mane to fish something out.
She paused, as if expecting something.
Then, the scarlet blast struck her head on, striking the air itself with an electric buzz. Rainbow Dash and Applejack backed away, Dash gaining altitude, while Applejack blocked out most of the light by pulling her Stetson down across her eyes. And when the light faded, moments later, they looked on in horror at what happened.
Pinkie Pie was a stone statue, her puffed cheeks frozen for all time.
“Aw, shucks!” a tiny, cutsey voice called out from the throne, “I thought I could get all of you at once! Just my luck…”
“No…” Dash didn’t believe it. She couldn’t. She turned her eyes, glistening with pure shock, and gazed upon a sight she’d only seen in nightmares.
The entire hall was filled with statues. Statues that weren’t statues. She could see guardponies frozen when they’d tried to charge their assailant. She saw Gallus, right at the front of the charge, now tipped over on his side below the steps to the throne. A clearly tired Flurry Heart could be seen beside the throne, still in her stone pajamas and holding a now-stone coffee mug with one wing.
Dash could see Spike, his body huddled over Rarity, who looked up at something… horrifying.
The horrifying thing that sat on the throne. The pink pegasus filly with a curly blue mane.
Cozy Glow. An Alicorn Cozy Glow.
An Alicorn Cozy Glow, with Grogar’s Bell held in her scarlet aura. Sitting atop the throne, her mane blowing in an ethereal wind…
It was a nightmare. A genuine nightmare Rainbow Dash had thought long, long buried by living a life she could be proud of. A nightmare that had stopped haunting her when she accepted her place in the world, and the ones she wanted to share it with.
But here, the nightmare lived.
Rainbow’s surprise turned into a furious snarl.
“Bad move, pixie-twirp,” she gnashed her teeth, “If you ever cared to ask, you’d know how I deal with my nightmares!”
And the throne room shook with the force of the Sonic Rainboom that roared in Dash’s wake as she rocketed towards Cozy Glow, Applejack managing to kick herself into gear only as the wave of rainbow light flew past her towards the throne.
Cozy laughed, and charged her horn again, ready for the rumble barreling towards her.
“Bring it on!”
The statue garden had changed. Storm clouds had rushed in and begun to drop a fairly heavy rain on top of the whole area, quite off-schedule. The shift in weather made Silver Spoon concerned, but she really didn’t worry at first. A little rain was nothing, really. Ponyville residents were used to a lazy weather team making mistakes, after all.
Then, she realized too late that her watch, tied to her neck by a little ribbon, had somehow broken while the class had been split up. Without the sun being out, she couldn’t tell how much time they’d lost, but she had a sinking feeling in her stomach that the whole fieldtrip was as much as an hour behind.
So, with the storm gathering and raining down upon her, she tried to gather up her little ones by the Elements of Disharmony statue.
Which was when the panic started.
“Shady?” Rainy Blaze called out, checking every small group for the telltale colors of his colt, “Shady! Where are you, son?”
Twinkleshine joined in on the panic, “Pearl! Pearl Rose, do not make me burn this garden down to find you!”
Silver Spoon began to sweat, even under the soft patter of rain coming down. Her eyes flew over the class, counting heads. And counting horns. And wings. She counted once. Then twice. Then, when all counting had been exhausted, the hyperventilating teacher finally had to confront the horrifying, terrifying, mind-numbing truth of the matter.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders were loose. They were unsupervised. There was an unscheduled rain storm, with the CMC running around the Palace grounds, and… and…
“The filly’s missing.”
Silver’s eyes, already bloodshot from the revelation alone, swiveled to the little pinkish-grey unicorn filly, Blinky Hooves, who was pointing at the…
“Oh, buck me…” Silver Spoon whispered as she saw the statue, before slapping her forehead with her hoof and shouting to the stormy heavens, “Why did I think restarting the Crusaders was a good idea!?”
The whole crowd of foals, and the parent chaperones, fell silent. There was a rumble of thunder in the distance, and what sounded like the tolling of a bell. But before anycreature could resolve their thoughts into words, or actions… another sound cut through the gloom.
“They are within yonder Palace,” Grogar said, without emotion or inflection. He simply stood in the rain, allowing it to drench himself, even as his reanimated minion, Frosted Apple, seemed to be trying to fit more and more of herself under her black hat.
Silver Spoon narrowed her eyes at the ram. “Why?”
“Because they released Cozy Glow from her stone imprisonment, and then raced off to the Palace,” he sighed.
“Why?”
Grogar shrugged, listlessly, “Because they thought it was a replica and Ann wished to earn her Cutie Mark.”
“WHY!?”
At this, Grogar paused. He seemed to just… stare into the clouds above him.
“Now that it is done… I don’t rightly know.” His voice was almost hollow, considering how quiet it was. “I always felt that you ponies were weak, because you relied on one another, instead of your own strength. I thought Ann was… well, like me. Mighty. Independent.
“But,” the Dread Ram cast a baleful eye down to the ground, “Perhaps I am just an old goat. Too set in his ways to think of others as more than pawns… and it’s finally taken the loss of my grandfoal to make me see that…”
Whatever Grogar was about to say, it was drowned out by a sudden, cacophonous boom. A wave of rainbow light exploded from one of the majestic towers that stretched high above the city of Canterlot, almost to the very clouds themselves. The blast tore out windows from around its grand balcony, and the shockwave of light carried on seemingly for miles out over the land.
Silver Spoon gaped. She’d seen the Sonic Rainboom before. Of course, she had! And not just when she went to Wonderbolt performances to see Rumble. But seeing it rip through a building was something else.
And not something good.
“Alright, this is officially too dangerous,” she steeled herself, and turned back to her charges. “Class! We need to evacuate the Palace grounds. Please stay in your groups, and follow your group leaders! We will be heading back towards the train station!”
Rainy splashed through the mud as he galloped straight to her side. His mane disheveled, his eyes widening, he said to her, “But what about Shade Bright? He and his friends are… are…”
“I’m not about to let my Pearl alone with some… statue monster or whatever this is!” Twinkleshine stamped her hoof on Silver Spoon’s other side, her own mane now slicked down the back of her neck, and her horn lighting up with a menacing blue aura.
Silver Spoon tried pressing her hooves to her temples. Maybe, with just a little bit more pressure, she could cause herself to black out. That would be nice right about now.
“Grogar…” she growled, “Tell me you didn’t…”
“I knew the whole time,” he said. “And, for what it is worth, I am sorrowful.”
“Well, you should be!” Silver Spoon screamed. “Because, right now, I have a whole class to keep safe, and I have nine foals unaccounted for! Foals you should have been looking after!”
“I am aware of my failures,” Grogar took a deep breath, and exhaled through his nose, “And I am prepared to atone.”
Now, that stopped Silver Spoon. She stared at the villain, and waited to see if he would elaborate.
He turned back towards his monster, Frosted Apple, and barked, “Minion! Acquire a weapon for yourself! We march to battle!”
Frosted nodded vigorously, and quickly trotted up to what appeared to be a gardener’s shed just a little ways off from the Elements of Disharmony. While she began rooting around for… something… Rainy Blaze and Twinkleshine marched up to the Dread Ram and fixed him with steely gazes.
“You’re going after our kids?” Twinkleshine asked in a low, snarling voice.
“Indeed.”
Rainy Blaze’s horn lit up in a bright, fiery crimson, “Then we’re goin’ with ya!”
“I go to war, whelps,” Grogar snorted, “The enemy we face is one of the most duplicitous, hateful creatures to ever pervert Equestria with its foul presence. You will die, squealing in anguish, with no hope for respite or mercy…
“Welcome aboard,” he smiled, realizing how good all that sounded to him. The other two parents shared an awkward glance, but seemed to ready themselves regardless.
“Well, good luck,” Silver Spoon shook some of the rain from her coat, “Can’t say I envy you. I gotta get these foals back home safe. This fieldtrip is officially over…”
“Very well,” Grogar drew himself up to his full height, a grim sparkle coming to his eye, and a rumble of might and magic in his chest. He turned his gaze back up to the throne room, whose balcony now lay shattered and exposed to the elements.
“Frosted, Rainy, Twinkleshine,” his voice was soft, but as deep as the sea, “We go now to a grim, but noble purpose. For once, I shall not be the Greatest Evil in this fight. I shall not be redeemed, nor made Good by my actions today. But, with your help, I shall at least redeem myself in the eyes of my grand…”
Which was about when Frosted reached her master, swept her head back, and swung with all her earth pony might, bringing a shovel straight to the back of Grogar’s head. The impact actually caused some of the nearby raindrops to bound away as the sound struck the air.
Rainy, Twinkleshine, and Silver Spoon watched, wide-eyed, as Grogar slumped forward into the mud, a bright red bump rising from in between his massive horns. Standing over him, Frosted Apple spat out the shovel, and gave a throaty spit onto his limp, unconscious form.
“Fieldtrip’s over,” she huffed, “Ya dang varmint…”
Frosted seemed to take notice of the three adults, and entire mob of foals who were watching her with utter terror on their faces.
One of the students, a dragon hatchling of green scales and pink spine, sniffled, and asked, meekly, “You… y-you’re not g-gonna… eat us, are you, Miss Zombie…?”
The tall mare tilted her head slightly, and seemed to consider what little Puff had said.
“Nah,” she finally decided, “Prob’ly not. Ah ain’t got no appetite fer eatin’ meat nor apples. Don’t know if that’s a… a zombie thing or not.”
“So…?” Silver Spoon took a protective step in between the potential threat and her students. “What just happened?”
Frosted smiled, a much more genuine one than she’d given before while working under her Dread Lord. “Well, Ah earned muh freedom by completin’ Grogar’s task, as he said. So… Ah suppose Ah’m free ta do as Ah please.”
Silver gulped, and asked, “Which is?”
Frosted closed her eyes, and turned her head towards the West, towards Ponyville.
“Ah gots a farm ta git back ta… an’ mebbe a family too…”
And without further ado, she took off at a dead gallop for home.
Which left Rainy and Twinkleshine standing over a snoring ram. Both looked to one another… and nodded. Each added their telekinetic aura to Grogar, and hefted him up, before turning back towards the Palace.
“So…” Flawless whispered.
Cheese followed. “… eeyup.”
Goldie hummed, “Guess that’s…”
“Oh, sweet Luna on high,” Moon pinched the bridge of his nose with his wing, “I’m pretty sure you all know what that sound is about, right?”
The Crusaders winced as one, but had no real answer. That explosion was definitely their fault, at least vicariously. Shady had used that word, and he seemed to think it applied here, so nocreature questioned it.
Ann licked her lips, and then started walking ahead of the others. “Yeah, yeah. We know. I can pwactically heaw Chaos scweaming to get outta hewe.”
“Oh, that’s comforting…” Dib sighed. His wings buzzed to life, and he took off over Ann’s head. He landed, incredibly bug-like, Ann thought, on the face of the right-door, and scurried to the edge to get a look at what kind of disaster was unfolding in the throne room.
His paling face said it all. That explosion was absolutely Ann’s fault, she realized. The Crusaders gathered right at the crack in the door, and peered inside as carefully as they could. With everything else going on, they all seemed to silently agree that leaping in without looking first would be nothing but a disaster.
Well, more of a disaster than this day was already.
“Yup,” Ann sighed, “That’s Cozy…”
The pink Alicorn was flying high up near the vaulted ceiling above the throne, which had miraculously survived whatever it was that had blown out the entire wall of the Palace behind it. All of the stain-glass windows had survived unharmed as well, owing to a little magical insurance Princess Twilight had put in after Dash had destroyed one too many while arriving for Council meetings.
Cozy had surrounded herself with a fiery red corona of magical energy, a sort of burning shield she was most definitely creating by pure instinct. Ann could recognize that sort of making-it-up-as-you-go desperation from first-hoof experience. Cozy’s magic was sputtering around her, all in a vain attempt to hit the two colorful blurs that were hunting her.
“Whoa,” Beau’s jaw dropped, “Is that Applejack?”
The orange farm-mare leapt a clean thirty feet through the air at that moment, and with a spin-move that would be the envy of any rodeo star or Wonderbolt, brought both her hindlegs down on Cozy’s shield like two sledgehammers dropping from space. It knocked the filly back a ways, but her defenses held, even if her temper didn’t.
“AAAAARRR!” she snarled, and threw out an arc of dazzling red energy that completely failed to connect with her target, “Would it have been too much trouble for you to have arthritis, you hag!?”
“I know y’ain’t got no manners,” Applejack laughed as she ducked back down and around the bits of falling debris knocked loose from the combat around her, “But I’d ‘xpect you’d have learnt a touch more grace from bein’ a yard ornament!”
Cozy laughed, “Ha! You think…”
She didn’t get far into that one, as a rainbow ricocheted off her shield and set the villain reeling again. Dash didn’t have a single thing to say, instead taking a moment as Cozy flew to crack her neck and get ready for her next trick.
Which appeared to be a zig-zag evasion pattern, as another red blast flew from the little Alicorn’s horn, a little too close for comfort.
Pearl, squeezing in under Ann’s jaw, peered up at the aerial combat on display. She and Flawless, who took up a similar position on the other door, tracked the movements easily, each no doubt seeing this as nothing more than a high-stakes game of Buckball.
“Hang on,” Pearl squinted, “Cozy’s got something with her…”
Flawless nodded, “Yeah, she’s got some kind of bell on her back. What’s that about?”
Bell?
Ann reached up, and, with an amount of dexterity that should be impossible for hooves, made a set of ‘face-binoculars’ over her eyes. To her friends’ mild disgust and amusement, two scopes actually extended from her cupped hooves, allowing her to zoom right in on…
Oh… oh darn.
“That’s Gwam… I mean, that’s Gwogaw’s Bell!” she gasped.
“What?” Moon lowered his glasses to get a better look, “What’s that? How can you tell?”
Ann shrugged, “Well, how do nowmal ponies know how to build watewslides? Ow what a biwd is? Ow how to cast spells if they’we a unicown?
“Dear?” Pearl’s face showed some concern for what Ann was saying, “We learn those things from our Mamas, Papas, and tutors as we grow older.”
“Waterslides?” Shady asked.
The Ponequus’s face fell. Once she’d picked it back up and slapped it on, she asked, “Weally?”
“Yes,” came the answer from several Crusaders at once.
“Oh,” she looked around for a moment, waiting for somecreature to let her in on the joke. When it didn’t happen, she sighed, and continued, “Well… Dad put a bunch of stuff in my bwain when I was bown, mostly wandomly…”
Dib chuckled, “What a shock.”
“… and Gwampa’s… I mean,” Ann shook her head a little, “Gwogaw’s Bell is weally bad news! It lets you steal magic fwom othew cweatuws!”
Shady adjusted his glasses as he watched Cozy nearly bring a magical clamp down on Rainbow Dash, before she dove out of the way of Applejack’s next high kick. “I suppose that might explain why she’s an Alicorn now…”
“Hey, Ann?” Pearl took a moment to look at her friend, “You do realize Grogar is still your Grandpapa, yes?”
Ann didn’t meet her gaze. She kept watching the fight above, as Cozy started setting pockets of the air on fire to hem in her foes. It wasn’t working very well, but she was giving it her all. Ann could respect that.
“Ann…”
“He’s not my gwampa,” she said, curtly, “Not aftew what happened.”
“Ann,” Pearl’s tone took on an edge that even the Ponequus couldn’t ignore. She turned her eyes back towards her friends, huddled as they were around the open door.
Pearl made sure she was meeting Ann’s gaze now. She didn’t flinch, nor glance away.
“I know from… personal experiences,” she took a steadying breath, “that sometimes the ones who love us forget how to show it. Your Grandpapa still loves you; I know it.
“He just… needs to learn how to show it better.”
Ann’s eyes didn’t waver once as she listened, and only now looked away. “I… guess. But good things don’t get wid of the bad ones.”
Flawless snorted, “Geez, and I only called you names…”
In the awkward silence that followed, the Crusaders continued to watch the fight unfolding above them. Another blast of crimson magic cracked a wall, and another round of orange and cyan hooves knocked the pink Alicorn about. But whether or not an end was nearing…
“At least we don’t need to get involved,” Moon sighed in relief.
Beau chuckled, nervously, “Yeah. We’d get, like, destroyed out there.”
“Or turned to stone…” Moon hummed as he glanced over at one of the guard-statues, clearly caught mid-bite of a lunchtime cupcake.
For once, Ann couldn’t really disagree. She and the Crusaders had done a lot, coming this far. But now that she saw just what her Aunties could do, and what Cozy was capable of unleashing… she wasn’t so sure about trying to help. All she’d do, most likely, is cause trouble.
Asusual, she sighed internally.
“So,” she said to the others, “Should we get out of hewe ow… um?”
Somecreature was missing. Somepony was missing.
“… Cheese?”
The Crusader’s eyes snapped open, and shot straight to their suddenly absent companion. Mere feet into the room, Little Cheese stood transfixed by one of the statues that littered the entire Palace, and which Ann was starting to consider more than a coincidence or bit of abstract decoration.
He was staring at the statue’s face. His eyes were unblinking. Ann knew that look. Somehow, she just… knew that it wasn’t good. She slowly took in the statue he was staring at.
That mane. Even wrought in stone, there was some sort of innate… bounciness to that mane that defied all physics that attempted to tame it. It was the sort of mane that Ann sort of wondered about, when she considered how she could be more Chaotic.
It was Pinkie Pie. Cheese’s mom was a statue.
And when Ann saw his eyes again, now locked onto hers, she almost wailed.
Cheese hadn’t been angry before. He’d only been extremely frustrated.
Now? He was peeved.
Cozy Glow was peeved. Positively peeved. Twenty years in stone, and she was going to go right back there in another twenty minutes if she didn’t wrap this stupid fight up soon. Even having what felt like two Alicorn’s worth of magical power thanks to the Princess and that Trixie-lookalike downstairs.
Eugh, she thought, Trixie having kids is almost as revolting an idea as Professor Pinkie.
She dove down, to avoid another strike from Rainbow Dash.
I need a distraction…
A bit of floor tile whipped up at her, and the newly re-minted Alicorn juked to the side to avoid it, only to bounce off a kick from Rainbow Dash coming the other way. She let loose a few bolts of magic, but nothing connected.
Applejack was kicking up more bits of floor and wall to throw at her. Cozy tried sending another blast her way, only for Dash to slap at her shield, her horn, and ruin her aim, again.
“Nuh-huh, Cozy!” Rainbow Dash laughed and spun around the enraged filly, dodging a solid beam of magical light, “Keep your eye on the prize!”
Cozy couldn’t help but snarl, “Grrrr… You know two versus one is more of a villain trick, right?”
Dash barked with laughter as she kept avoiding magical strikes, “Friendship means never having to fight alone! I thought you were at least good about learning those Friendship Lessons, even if you sucked at applying them!”
Cozy bit down on her first response. Mostly because it was a lot of expletives stacked in a row. And Cozy may have been a villain, but she took pride in not being crass about it. She took that moment to instead lob another magical blast downward, at least forcing Applejack to dodge out of the way.
“I’m gonna take your friendship lessons,” she snarled, yet again, “and I’m gonna shove them so far up your…”
All three ponies, in mid-fight, stopped dead where they were, as a shrieking cry went up from over where the double doors still stood ajar. Even the stain-glass windows rattled as the sound fell over the grand hall.
And as the war cry faded, Little Cheese Slice Pie came hurtling with a downward angle towards Cozy Glow, connecting to her face with a flying kick right out of those Martial Arts comics Spike sometimes let him read.
Cozy smashed straight through Princess Twilight’s throne, shattering it completely, and leaving the villainous filly sprawled out on what was left of the rainswept balcony overlooking the royal gardens.
WHAT…!?
She shook her head.
WHAT THE BUCK WAS THAT!?
Cheese, however, wasn’t done. He sprang straight into action as he landed, and launched himself like a rocket up the throne steps. In an instant, he was barreling down on Cozy Glow, his voice cracking as he bellowed.
“DON’T YOU HURT MY MOMMY!”
He lowered his head, and glared daggers at the… creature that had done it. That had turned his mother into a pigeon’s rest. That was a look of sheer, unimagined rage and loss he threw Cozy’s way…
She missed seeing that look. Idiots made that look.
Ponies in Check make that look…
Cheese charged, and Cozy couldn’t be happier. Mid-stride, the young colt suddenly found himself wrapped in a scarlet magical aura, drifting mere inches above the ground he’d been racing across. He kept running for several seconds, as though sheer force of will alone would let him keep charging.
But it was no use. And Cheese could now see, inches away from his face, the piercing gaze of a madpony.
Cozy Glow’s grin felt like ice water was pouring into in his veins.
“Cheese!?” Applejack balked, slack-jawed.
“CHEESE!?” Rainbow Dash almost dropped out of the sky before her wings remembered to flap.
And another cry went up.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS FOREVER!!!!!”
Cozy’s heart soared as a mob of children stormed the throne room. It was too perfect.
Both Friendship Councilors screamed in shock. “KIDS!?!”
“DISTRACTION!” Cozy laughed maniacally.
Red lightning leapt up into the air, straight from a triumphant Cozy’s horn. It was fast, as fast as magical light could ever be.
Rainbow Dash was faster. Much faster. The fastest mare in the world.
Usually.
The blast clipped the tip of her pinions as she juked away, and it was done. Cozy watched with a hungry gaze as Rainbow Dash dove to the earth, managing to come up in a dirty landing, hobbled by one wing rapidly turning to stone, as well as her flanks clearly stiffening as the magic took over.
Rainbow Dash turned with a panicked, terrified gaze over towards Applejack. She held her forehoof to her side, protectively, it seemed, as the stone overtook her.
“DASHIE!”
Too perfect, indeed. Applejack, in a moment of, to Cozy, abject tactical stupidity, raced towards the pegasus, tears in her eyes.
Cozy had been working on her aim. Moving targets weren’t too much of a problem. Another red blast, and the galloping farm-mare stumbled to a stop, one forehoof reaching out to touch Rainbow Dash before they would never touch again.
“Oooh,” Cozy hissed in mocking sympathy, and flew over to drift in between the two mares, “So close… but not close enough.”
Cozy glanced between the two. Something about those stares. Both in utter horror and sorrow. She swore those looks were familiar. But…?
“You two weren’t dating, were you…?”
“Gaaaaah!” Cheese reminded Cozy he was still caught in her aura with another round of thrashing and screaming.
“I’M GONNA TEAR YOUR MANE OUT AND FEED IT TO YOU!!!”
Cozy stared at the colt, wondering for a moment if she actually heard him say that. Then, she snorted with wicked laughter.
“Alright, I like the cut of your jib!” she laughed, “Remind me to make you my Jester once all this is over.”
Another snarl caused Cozy’s ears to perk up. Something came bolting towards her, fast and mean.
But Cozy was an Alicorn now. And that earth pony magic came in real handy in situations like this. Cozy bent her knees slightly, and hopped up like a bunny, allowing a pink and yellow blur to whip past her. It looked like that pony-thing that had helped free her in the garden…
Ann’s face smacked against Applejack’s upraised leg with a loud crack, and the Ponequus hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. Marvelously, at least to Cozy, little birds began swirling around the creature’s head.
“Huh…” she noted, “That’s weird. Hey, kid? That your mutant sister or something…?”
The other Crusaders reached her next, but Cozy hardly paid attention. What was even the point? When a wave of pitiful blue and green magic blasts threw themselves at her, all it took was a mental flick to block them all with a simple shield.
She hadn’t even felt them.
“Well, this is sad,” she chuckled, “Kinda anticlimactic, honestly. Taking out the Princess and her friends isn’t supposed to be that easy, right?”
Cozy flew, casually, over to her latest victims. As two unicorn foals and a Kirin focused their energies, all she had to do was wave their little friend, Cheese, in front of her like another shield, and she could just watch their resolve plummet. The green crystal earth pony with them had started to charge, but reared up as Cheese was thrust towards her, Cozy feeling a moment of… playfulness overtaking her.
Queen to Rook…
“I mean,” she took a second to lash out with a red blast that hit the Hearth’s Warming-colored Kirin right in the horn, turning him to stone instantly, “It’s really been too easy today! I practically walked through the Palace…”
A heavy blast of blue magic hit her bubble shield, but caused little more than a ripple. Cozy glanced towards the oversized unicorn colt who’d launched the attack. His strike bought Flawless and Pearl a moment to scatter, but that was about it. Cozy nailed him with another magical shot, and soon there was another, terrified statue for her garden.
“Nice hit, kid,” she offered, complimentarily, “I almost felt that one. But, yeah, I walk through this place, basically missing every guard and servant, all the way up to the library.”
Cozy juked up and away from the snapping, hissing talons of the griffon kitten. Child or not, those things looked sharp!
“And right there, on a table in the supposedly Restricted section,” she swung Cheese around like a hammer, cracking Goldie with a solid hit, and sending her plummeting back to the ground. She managed a soft landing, but another blast hit her, dead center between her wings.
“I still don’t get why they left out so many blueprints,” Cozy continued, as though nothing had happened, “Wouldn’t have even found the Vault without them…”
I’m gonna need to make more gardens for all these statues, she thought.
Then again, gravel was always needed in construction. And after today, Cozy had plans for a new, better castle…
“All I’m saying,” she laughed, taking in the gob-smacked batpony and changeling hovering before her, “is that I expected better than to find Grogar’s Bell right next to the Stone Spell!”
Cozy dodged the batpony without effort, and nearly laughed again as the changeling became a Bugbear and drove towards her. She didn’t even need to do much with him, just move a few inches to the side, zap him with a bit of that Stone Spell, and let him careen into the floor, where he'd move no more.
She paled, slightly, as she heard a horrid sound behind her.
“Ewww, kid!” she snarled at Cheese, whose face was now a rotten shade of green and whose tongue hung from the side of his muzzle.
“You gotta…” he ulp’d, “… gotta stop moving like that… Ah’m… gonna…”
She pushed him another foot away, well out of ralphing range.
The two fillies took that moment to take their shot. Pearl Rose raced along Flurry Heart’s spine, and leapt into the air, her emerald magical aura giving her a mid-air boost of speed as she desperately tried to reach Cozy before the Alicorn could turn around.
Cozy saw it coming. Just not quick enough. Pearl swung her legs furiously, whacking Cozy in the wings, the flanks, and the stomach, and she hit hard. It was just enough to get Cozy a little bit peeved. Earth pony magic was really, really handy some days.
But just as Pearl dropped back towards the floor, and just as Cozy recovered from the meager assault, the Alicorn felt something shift. She turned, and caught the sight of that green crystal pony snagging Cheese from the air with her forehooves, allowing both of them to escape her immediate grasp.
“I gotcha, Cheese!” Flawless shouted as they landed.
“Good for you,” Cozy slow-clapped with her hooves as she took all three of her current victims, “I’m assuming he’s, what, your coltfriend?”
Flawless’s eyes bulged, and she shivered all over. “Ew! Gross!”
“Hey…” Cheese whined, quietly.
She flinched, and started apologizing, “Sorry! I’m just not …”
A red beam struck Flawless, catching her in an expression of utter revulsion, forever.
“… that clever?” Cozy finished. “Yeah, I guessed that. Now then…”
Easy as these kids are, Cozy thought, this is still getting on my nerves. Let’s wrap this up. I got a coronation to plan.
Cheese started dodging and weaving almost at once, trying to put any sort of distance between him and the pink Alicorn. Smart move, Cozy figured, but he wasn’t really the target just now.
Cozy aimed a blast right at Pearl, and let loose the shot almost instantly. Strangely, as her shot landed, Cozy noticed a distinct lack of a unicorn statue.
Instead, standing on either side of where her Stone spell had hit, were two white unicorn fillies.
“Huh,” was all Cozy could manage, her brain momentarily locking up. “That’s neat…”
The Pearls regarded one another for a heartbeat, or two. Then, with a smirk from both, they took off in opposite directions.
Cozy groaned.
“Don’t split up. It’s annoying…”
In all the hubbub and hullabaloo, as the kids refer to mortal combat these days, neither Cozy, nor the Pearls noticed two things which happened at just that moment.
First, Cheese had reached Ann.
“Ann!” he stage-whispered, trying to avoid Cozy’s notice.
No response. Pulse was fine. Eyes were swirls. Birds and stars were taking a coffee break. Cheese was sure she should be awake right now.
He slapped her cheek, gently. Now, that got a response.
Too bad it was a hoof punching him in the nose.
“Ann!” Cheese held onto his smarting muzzle while growling, “Now is not the time to fall asleep!”
“Huh?” a groggy set of yellow and crimson eyes peeled open, “Is it time fow school?”
Cheese sighed, relieved to see Ann awake, if nothing else, “Nope. We got a villain to thwart.”
“Oh…” Ann seemed to be having trouble focusing. She shook her head a couple of times, producing the same sound as that of a jar of marbles.
She frowned. “I think I have a concussion. I can see two Peawls!”
Cheese chuckled, “I think one might be Shady. He really has been practicing with illusions…”
The second event, of which most everycreature was initially ignorant of, occurred just then. On the opposite side of the room as Ann, the air itself seemed to… tear itself asunder. And from the swirling portal that resulted, a strange pair entered the throne room.
“I don’t understand,” Fluttershy pouted, “Why did we wait so long? What does all this have to do with timing? Discord, please, help me… uh…?”
The Element of Kindness stared around in utter shock. She took in the statues first, but it didn’t quite click at first what she was looking at. Then, she saw the exploded wall where Twilight’s balcony was now being drenched in unscheduled rainfall.
Oh, she thought, I hope Angel distributes the umbrellas at the Sanctuary… what am I saying!?
“Discord…” she said, with a firm, almost angry tone, “What’s going on?”
The Draconequus at her side sniffed, but refused to look at her. “I don’t know what you mean…”
She stepped in front of her very special somecreature, with a startlingly angry frown on her face. “Discord, you wanted to wait, and now a bunch of our friends are statues, Twilight’s castle has a hole in it…
“And that looks an awful lot like Cozy Glow!” she stamped one hoof while pointing out the battle going on mere yards away, “So, explain yourself, Mister!”
That was the moment Cozy Glow finally noticed what was happening.
“Professor Shy? Discord!?”
“NOW!”
A heavy weight slammed into Cozy’s back, right on top of the Bell, pushing her lower to the ground. She looked back in a panic, and stared into the cat-slit gold eyes of a snarling batpony colt. Her eyes widened as she saw his jaw unhinge, and his fangs snapped out into position.
Momentarily, Cozy sighed in relief as Moon used his fangs to snatch hold of the loop atop the Bell. Then, in a rage, she realized he used his fangs to snatch hold of the loop atop HER Bell!
But as she reached back with her forelegs to smack him up, another weight slammed into her front, and suddenly Cozy was face-to-face with that flippin white unicorn filly again!
“Hold on!” Pearl cried, “Shady! Ready!?”
The other Pearl dashed into position below, though she quickly shimmered and faded away, leaving behind that one Kirin, completely un-stonified!
“Illusions are dumb!” Cozy snarled, and started trying to shake off the foals holding her in place mid-air.
Discord, still under his wife’s glare, took a deep breath through his nose, and finally looked away from Cozy’s battle.
“Tell me, my dear,” he said quietly, “Do you, perhaps, remember what I told you about something called Narrative Causality?”
The anger didn’t fade from Fluttershy’s expression, but it did move over enough to allow a little curiosity through. She tilted her head in thought, and seemed to chew the side of her mouth as she thought.
“I used to,” she mused, thinking back to that brief time when she’d become a Draconequus. It was maddening, in that moment, to try and even think the way she once did. She could remember knowing what Discord was talking about, but it was like… like she was a simple, flat, 2D drawing trying to grasp what a three-dimensional object looked like.
His claw settled onto her shoulder, and then cupped her face in that way that always made her want to nuzzle into his grasp. After a moment… she relented.
“I’m sorry,” Discord sighed, “I know it’s hard for you. Thank you, anyway… thank you for trying.”
He returned his gaze back to the struggle for the Bell.
“The universe likes stories,” he said, in a serious tone Fluttershy could hardly remember him using before, “Stories make well-worn paths through the cosmos, and even Chaos likes to take the easy road once in a while.”
A thought occurred. “So,” Fluttershy closed her eyes, “this is a story. And that means it has to end a certain way?”
“Close enough,” Discord playfully rubbed her ear, “Trouble is, we’re not the main characters anymore. And it’s the main character that has to get the most character development.”
Fluttershy giggled, “That sounds like something Pinkie Pie would call a lot of hooey. Applejack as well, but I don’t think she’d understand it as much as Pinkie…”
Discord chortled, “Ah, yes! It’s very convenient, isn’t it? Almost like someone is trying to tie up loose ends so the plot can’t be resolved too easily, but nevertheless…
“I don’t know what will happen,” he said, allowing his very, very special somepony to turn around and see what was coming, “But it will, and fighting it now will only make it hurt more…”
And besides, he bore a Cheshire grin, this is Ann’s story… she’s got at least one more chapter in her…
He paused, and held his breath as the Bell suddenly flew through the air. It hurtled from Cozy’s back, and seemed to be dropping neatly into a downward angle, right to where Shady stood waiting for it.
“NO!” Cozy roared, “I’m not losing that easily!”
Her horn blazed with red light, and a tiny bubble formed just past the tip. The bubble expanded quickly, slapping both Moon and Pearl away as it enveloped them, freeing Cozy from their hold.
Shady reached out with his arctic-blue magic, the Bell inches from his grasp… when a flash of red washed over his vision. Almost instantly, stone swept up his legs, and his flanks. His mind reeled with the realization of what was happening… until it just got Angry.
His mane burst into flames, the Nirik fire halting the stone for the briefest of moments, before the Bell struck him right in the chest and crashed to the floor again. That final shock was enough, as Shady became a Nirik statue.
“Shade!” Pearl cried, but her instincts were sharp, even in grief. She dove for the Bell, her athletic training giving her just enough of a boost to clear the distance…
But not enough to avoid the second blast of crimson, Stoning light. Her last, living sight, was seeing the Bell lie in front of her, only a foot away.
“Thaaaank you!” Cozy said with a clip as she picked up the bell in her hooves. She spun around, and flashed a cuddly grin towards her latest… guests.
“Hiya, Discord!” she laughed, cheerily, “Did I do good?”
Fluttershy frowned, but remained quiet, allowing her husband the chance to play this out, as he’d say.
“Not even close,” Discord tut-tutted, “As a former villain myself, this is pretty much right up there on the scale. Or, down there, as I suppose the case may be.”
Cozy cocked her head to the side, “I… I don’t get it? Wasn’t this your plan?”
“My plan?”
“Yeah!” Cozy waved a hoof about, “You show up in that Grogar getup, again, and have that little… whatever she was… set me free! Why else would you do that, if not so we could be Evil Friends together?”
Discord’s eyes almost went normal, so surprised as he was at this. It took him a full five seconds to form a coherent thought. Which was an improvement, considering coherent thoughts often took him minutes to assemble.
“Ah,” he clicked his tongue, “I see. There’s been a little bit of a mix-up, Cozy.”
Cozy’s eyes welled-up, turning into the most heartbreaking, adorable puppy eyes she’d ever given another creature. “Does… does this mean we aren’t Best Buddy Evil Friends Forever?”
Discord shook his head, sadly, “No. We are not BBEFF’s. The Grogar you met earlier was actually…”
Cozy wasn’t listening. As swift as she could manage, she raised the Bell up to her face, and struck it with the fastest spell she could snap off.
The fell, Bewitching Bell of Grogar, the Dread Ram, Master of Darkness, and Father of Monsters, tolled a dissonant sound. Black, white, and sickly yellow magic coursed over the Bell for a brief moment, before it launched out to snatch at Discord.
Time slowed. It often did, for Discord, whenever something important was about to happen. It didn’t always happen, just often. Probably a Chaos thing. Mostly probably.
Discord would sometimes go get a snack during these moments that stretched for minutes or hours. Other times, he’d put silly hats on everyone in the room. Once, he’d gone off on a multiversal journey, where he’d met many friends, defeated many foes, and learned a great deal about love, life, loss, and himself, all in the span of a heartbeat in between the moment Spike threw a pair of dice during one of their monthly O&O sessions, and the moment the dice came up snake-eyes.
Right now, though, he was content with riding it out. He turned his head, and let his yellow and crimson eyes meet their identical selves across the room.
Ann was watching, Cheese at her side.
Good. Good.
She would need the motivation…
Discord writhed as the Bell’s magic feasted on his own. His pained cry was agonizing… and Cozy loved every second of it.
Once the Bell had its fill of Discord’s Chaos, it fell silent once again, held aloft in Cozy’s aura.
“I can’t believe how easy it is to get away with this stuff with you ponies!” Cozy threw her head back and laughed. “I try and sneak off to plot, and you just sit there and let me! I want to steal Grogar’s Bell, and you just sit there and let me!
“I haven’t even had to plan anything today!” she clutched her aching sides as she continued to laugh, “You realize this has all been off the cuff? Why did I ever bother plotting against you idiots when I could have just winged it from the start!?”
Discord laughed, weakly, leaning on Fluttershy for support. “Well, it worked for old Sunbutt…”
“But, do you know what I have been planning, Discord?” a feral glint flashed in Cozy’s gaze, “Do you have any idea what I spent decades thinking about?”
“Song lyrics?” Discord chuckled, “Or, no wait! Some better charade moves! Oh, oh! I know! An actual backstory…?”
Cozy lowered her horn, and let loose another red magical blast. It struck Discord and Fluttershy at once, the Stoning process quickly entombing them both.
“Huh,” Discord smiled, almost contentedly, “That was my next guess…”
Whether because of Discord’s size, or perhaps some trick of magic or the Elements, Fluttershy was turning to stone just a bit slower than her husband. She had enough time to turn her head to her left.
Unseen by Cozy, Fluttershy gave the warmest, gentlest smile she could possibly will onto her face. In spite of the horror befalling her, the Element of Kindness gave one, last smile to the most important pony in her life.
And then, silence.
It… it was done. The Princess. The Six Elements. Discord. Most of the Guard…
Cozy won. She actually… finally…
“MOMMA!” a strangled cry ripped through the stillness that had followed, dragging Cozy’s gaze from her latest victims… to that pony-thing from before.
Momma? Her brain, somehow, skipped a beat.
Ann ran straight towards the statue of Fluttershy, before her legs seemed to give out, and the little filly came to a slow, creepy trot. She stopped, finally, right in front of the statue, and raised one hoof to touch its cheek.
Cozy could see fresh tears streaming from her eyes.
“Wait…” the pieces starting clicking into place, “Fluttershy was your…”
“Hee-ya!”
Cozy stepped back, narrowly avoiding another kick from Cheese, who managed to leave a small pockmark in the stone floor as he landed, rage blazing from his eyes.
“Okay, your Mom, I understand being mad about,” Cozy lifted an eyebrow at the seething colt, “By the way, which one was your Mom? I’m losing track here…”
“Hee-ya!” Cozy didn’t even hear the batpony sneak up on her, and she knew instantly she’d made a critical error. She turned, ready to block any…
Moon punched the Bell itself, sending it flying through the air and out of Cozy’s magical grip.
He smirked at her.
He smirked… at ME!?
Cozy’s horn flared, blasting down Moon with a torrent of crimson energy. Within a heartbeat, his would beat no more.
With a huff, she said, “Hope you like smirking, batty… cuz stone lasts a looong…”
A pair of forelegs wrapped around Cozy’s barrel from behind. By their color…
“I gotcha now!” Cheese cried.
“Come on, Cheese? Was Cheese your name?” Cozy chuckled as the colt tightened his grip “I’m an Alicorn. I’ve got more earth pony strength tha-a-a-a-a…”
Her gloating came out in a strangled cry as she was hefted up into the air and suplexed straight into the ground with a floor-shaking crash.
For a moment, her entire world was pain, and surprise.
How can he be this strong…?
Something clamped down on her tail… no, something BIT her tail! Cheese pulled her out of the little crater he’d made with her head, and spun Cozy around like a whirlwind, letting go just as she reached the other side.
Cozy sailed into the air, dazzled for just a moment at the… at the sheer wrongness of it all!
No earth pony could be this strong! She screamed in her mind, It’s impossible! Only Pinkie and her ridiculous, weird… family…
Her wings flared, slowing her unpowered flight, and putting her back in control.
“PINKIE PIE HAD KIDS!?” she screeched, her mind trying to pull itself inside-out at the thought of Pinkie… Pinkie Pie of all ponies breeding…!
Cheese took two springy hops, landed on his tail, and fired up into the air, instantly closing the gap between himself and Cozy.
He’s fast…!
And then, Cheese stopped. It felt weird to stop, especially when he had so much forward momentum going just then.
The red aura around him didn’t help.
“Yeah,” Cozy huffed, “I’ve had enough of you.”
“You’re mean!” Cheese blew a raspberry.
Cozy’s face was unimpressed. “The bards will sing of your bravery and your wit, I have no doubt,” she snarked. And with yet-another burst of magic, she added one more statue to her collection. This one was quite put-out, almost fuming.
“Seriously,” she sighed, “What am I gonna do with all these…?”
“HEY!”
Cozy groaned. “Right… loose ends.”
She looked back down at the floor of her throne room, and noted the pony-thing that was… apparently the foal of Fluttershy?
Ew.
“Whaddya want!?” Cozy shouted, quite fed up with this whole scenario by now.
“Let Cheese go!” she held up… something…
Oh. Grogar’s Bell.
“Or what?” Cozy laughed and folded her forelegs in front of her, contemptuously, “You’ll use the Bell?”
Ann gulped, and looked at the dark, iron bell in her hooves. She regarded it like might bite her at any moment. Then, with a steeling breath, she looked back up to Cozy and said, sternly, “Yes.”
Cozy just laughed, “Well, good luck! That thing’s loaded with Discord’s magic!”
“… and?”
Cozy shook her head. Kids these days.
“Only Discord can use Chaos Magic! Everypony knows that! Still…”
Cozy took another look at Cheese, still frozen in her aura, still stone. And she got an idea. A wonderfully, wonderful, awful idea.
Ann held her breath as she saw Cozy’s grin.
“You know what?” Cozy said, glancing down at the freak with a bit of pity, “I guess you did set me free. I suppose I could do you a favor.”
“You… you will?” Ann’s voice was so… so deliciously hopeful.
Time to break her.
“Yup. Just… next time?” her aura vanished from Cheese’s frozen form.
“Be careful what you wish for…”
Cheese Slice Pie dropped through the air silently. The stone statue spun once around from some last touch of momentum Cozy’s aura had imparted. He smashed into the ground with a resounding clatter, shards of stone flying out in every direction as he was shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.
He’d missed Beau by a matter of feet. A shame, Cozy considered. She would have to get better at aiming.
I think… the Kirin, next…
But before she had a chance to move, or to finishing thinking about moving, Cozy heard a frightfully familiar sound.
A dissonant bell toll.
Down below, there was a flash of light. And then, there was the sound of a hollow bell hitting the stone floor.
Cozy stared, a moment of panic seeping into her mind… but then, she just threw her head back and laughed. And she laughed, and laughed. And once she was done laughing, the pink Alicorn drifted back down to the ground, landing a few yards away from the creature that thought it could worry her now.
“Kid, you really need to clean out your ears,” she shook her head, a little upset that her rise to power had been so… anticlimactic, “I said, only Discord could use his magic! What part of that did you not understand? You got nothing on me!”
Ann sat on her haunches; eyes closed. She hardly moved.
Kinda like a statue.
Cozy smirked, “So, you gonna say something? Come on, I wanna hear some last words!”
Ann said nothing. She didn’t move. She didn’t even seem to be breathing.
That… was starting to get disconcerting. More, though, Cozy was starting to get a real good look at this… thing. It was definitely Fluttershy’s foal, no question there. That coat? That mane and tail? Even accounting for the black streak, it was almost a clone of the Professor.
But there was something about the wings. Bat wings. Blue bat wings. Cozy couldn’t help but wonder where’d she’d seen them before. In fact, there was something else about Ann that Cozy couldn’t quite put her hoof on.
Well, right up until Ann’s eyes opened.
“D-Discord?” Cozy balked, and took a step back.
Ann’s scowl was like nothing else. It could peel paint at twenty paces. It could cause a pony to age ten years by meeting her eyes without protection. Cozy wondered, briefly, if those eyes could see through her very soul.
“No,” Ann said simply, raising one hoof… that had now become a talon…
“Anarchy.”
With the snap, all went black. Everything. Every single thing that could have been doused in darkness and blackness did so, before the echo of that snap had even begun to fade.
Cozy lit up her horn, reflexively. Nothing. There was absolutely nothing around her. She was lit up fine enough, but outside of that… was there even ground? What was she sitting on…?
“Hello?” she called out, only to hear her own echoes calling back, “Is… is anypony there?”
Still, nothing.
“What’s going on!?” Cozy snarled, “What… what did you do you little freak!?”
Oddly, the word freak itself didn’t seem to come back as an echo. Cozy wondered if that should worry her more.
And then, with a heavy, slamming sound, Cozy was hit by a beam of light from up above. She flinched, as much at the brilliant spotlight that fell on her as much as the thunderous sound of it turning on.
When she opened her eyes… Cozy had to blink several times. She had to make sure, absolutely sure what exactly she was seeing.
The throne room was fully restored. Every crack and chip she’d put in it was smoothed over. The entire back wall had been repaired, like nothing had ever happened. It was as though the entire battle hadn’t even happened.
But the statues remained. Just not as they were. Every guard, and Element, and foal she’d placed into stone had been rearranged. Cozy stood right at the bottom of the steps leading to the throne itself, which was now enshrouded with a red curtain that hung all the way down from the ceiling, and behind her someone had filled the entire hall to burst with simple, metal folding chairs.
And every chair held a statue. The Elements, except for Fluttershy were on one side, with Princess Twilight’s prone statue taking up two seats. Fluttershy, Discord, and all of the Cutie Mark Crusaders had been seated on the other.
All except Cheese.
Cozy’s throat tightened when she saw this. Not just that it happened, what with her stone victims being hefted into seats and strapped down, but that someone had gone to the effort. And with creeping horror, Cozy noted that there was still one seat off near the side of the throne, veiled only in darkness. It looked like someone had placed a pile of stones in that seat.
The lights came up. The throne room was still dim, but an appropriate dim. The sort of lighting one appreciated for solemn occasions.
Cozy watched as a side door opened… and Cheese walked out. He looked… good. Unblemished, even. He wore a spiffy red vest that identified him as a pony who was here to deliver a message.
Cheese opened his eyes, and Cozy screamed.
Yellow eyes. Red irises.
The colt cleared his throat with a cough. It had been too rough, and too deep for the little colt. Far too old a voice for him.
Cheese Slice Pie looked out over the ‘crowd’ and beamed a satisfied smile to them all. He even gave some of that bursting cheer to Cozy, once she’d stopped screaming, and was now merely staring in utter horror.
“Ladies and Gentlecolts!” he announced in Discord’s voice, “and that technicolor rainbow in between…!”
A canned laugh track played. Cozy could hear the needle scraping the vinyl record.
“We are most delighted that you could attend tonight’s ceremony,” he continued, pulling out a small card from his vest. He seemed to read off it as he went on…
“It is my greatest honor and privilege, to present to you all, the one and only…”
A drumroll started. Cozy couldn’t see where the music was coming from.
“… the Suzerain of Insanity…”
What the buck is going on here!?
“… the Mare of Madness, the Lady of Lunatics…”
The music took shape here. Cozy spied Vinyl Scratch suddenly, appearing along the side of the hall, with what appeared to be an entire band of Cheese Slice Pies, playing their electric guitars, triangles, drums, and… a grand piano?
Honestly, it was the strangest assortment of instruments she’d seen. And the song they played made Cozy’s ears hurt. She couldn’t place the melody, but there was something distressingly wrong about it. It wasn’t natural. It wasn’t normal…
And then, she saw it. Besides the twisted Discord eyes… the Cheeses weren’t playing their instruments. Oh, they were moving their hooves across the guitars and triangles and drums and such… but they weren’t playing.
If Vinyl Scratch was actually doing anything with her wub-wub machine, Cozy would eat a hat…
But there was something… alluring to it. Cozy couldn’t help but stare as the ceremony proceeded.
“… the…” Cheese paused, a hoof covering his mouth. After a second, another Cheese ran out from the side to check his counterpart’s card. They argued and bickered in relative silence for a few moments, as the music continued. Then, once some sort of consensus had been achieved, one Cheese simply popped into a small cloud of dust and confetti.
The remaining Cheese coughed, and continued, “The Spirit… and Princess of Chaos…
“PRINCESS ANARCHY!!!”
Cheese threw out a hoof, and the canned applause was back, louder than ever. There was stamping hooves, clapping hooves, screams, horns, howls and shrieks of the deepest jungle, and sounds Cozy couldn’t even quite hear without a sense of cold dread clawing its way up her spine. The statues tilted forward, without anycreature there to move them, and as Cozy’s eyes darted from one end of the room to the other…
The stain-glass windows…
The ponies in those windows, from Princess Twilight, to her friends depicted defeating Discord, Nightmare Moon… Cozy… and others like those six students back at the Friendship School, and even an adult Flurry Heart…
They were moving.
They were bowing.
The curtain fell. And sitting atop the high-backed throne of Discord… Anarchy reigned. She was easily as tall as Celestia or Twilight had ever been, and her mane and tail had turned a bright, silvery white, retaining only a solid black stripe through both. She wore a bright red velvet crown and cape, both trimmed with white and black ermine. She held in the crook of one foreleg, a globe of the world. And in the other, a golden scepter topped with a bizarre, goofy parody of Twilight Sparkle’s head.
The wailing guitars had reached their crescendo as Ann smiled. And it was not a kind smile. It was the kind of smile Cozy Glow dreamed of giving at the end of a deep, villainous cackle and a monologue detailing the heroes’ imminent demise.
Princess Anarchy flashed her first victim a goblin grin full of fangs as the music came to its end.
With a regal stride, Ann brought herself down from the throne and stood at Cozy’s level. The music was done. Cozy’s hooves felt rooted to the ground as the towering Ponequus leaned down until their eyes were level with each other.
“Cozy?”
The voice, Ann’s voice, was like listening to a dagger slide its edge along a velvet rope. It was like Fluttershy ordering a sixteen-ounce steak, and salivating the entire time. It was like hearing a tomb door shut in Cozy’s face.
Whatever it was like… it did not bode well.
“W-what…?” Cozy managed to squeak out.
Princess Anarchy smiled a gentle, sweet, kind smile.
It did not reach her eyes.
“Ya dun goofed…”
12 - The Pony of Chaos, Part 5 - The Princess of Chaos
The ‘crowd’ went wild. It was like nothing Cozy had ever seen before, in that had she seen it before, she’d have thought she’d gone completely insane. Dozens of pony and creature statues filled out the hall of portable-chairs while a static-laced recording of a cheering, exuberant crowd played over the speaker system, while the almost zombie-like band of Cheese Pies played one inane, overblown number after another. Confetti rain and party cannons had been running nonstop the entire time.
And the star of this bizarre pageant, the very conductor of madness, was eating up every second of it.
“Thank you! Thank you!” the Princess Anarchy smiled and waved to the crowd, which only encouraged them to cheer louder… sort of… “You’re all too kind!” She tilted her red crown at various angles as she drank in the crowd’s simulated adoration, and twirled the royal cape as regally as she could.
Cozy Glow, for her part, had just… watched in mute confusion as the strange events played out in front of her. Any plan to… disrupt whatever this was had been put on hold, if only because she didn’t know what this was.
Seriously, she thought to herself as the statues, hefted up by an unseen force, appeared to be giving Princess Anarchy yet another standing ovation, I think I might be going crazy…
“Oh, no, you’re not crazy, Cozy,” the Princess half-turned towards the pink Alicorn filly, a mischievous smirk on her face, “Well… you’re certainly not hallucinating, in any case.”
“Wait,” Cozy’s brain finally managed to register something familiar, something with a pattern it could hold onto, “You’re not talking with a lisp?”
Anarchy furrowed her brow, then raised a hoof to her ear. “What?” The ‘crowd’ had surged in volume.
Cozy frowned as well, casting a quick glare towards the ‘crowd’ before repeating herself, “I said! You’re not lisping!”
The Princess tilted her head with some confusion, then turned back towards the band. She gave them the general hoof-signal for ‘turn it down’, and they seemed to comply. Their sound didn’t really change, relative to the crowd… but it did sound like somepony had lowered the volume on the entire ceremony.
Cozy snarled, and said again, “You’re not talking with a lisp!”
“Why would I?” Anarchy giggled in a very un-ladylike fashion, “It’s my special day, after all. And I’m not a little filly anymore, so who cares about safety features?”
“Safety Features?”
Anarchy nodded, “Oh, yes. You weren’t in the chapter that explained those… huh…”
That… that was weird.
The Princess slowly turned around, until she found a space in the air where nopony was standing or watching…
She taps the air in front of her with one hoof, which makes a very glassy sort of noise with each hit. Anarchy’s eyes grow wide as she takes in the new sensation, and grins maniacally.
“Omigosh!” she exclaims, another blast of confetti flying up from nowhere as she looks you right in the eye.
“I can’t believe it,” she prances in midair, “I can see it! I can see it!”
“See what?” a little voice comes from off-screen, “Who are you talking to?”
“Them!” Anarchy cheers, “They! The readership! The audience! The… the Commenters!”
She leans in close enough to leave a little puff of fog on the screen, and starts talking excitedly, “Oh! Oh, oh, oh! Hi Toriandthehorse!!! FanofMostEverything! I love your comments! You didn’t let Screwball eat all the popcorn, did you? She’s kinda rude, I know.
“Hi Yami!” she continues, “And I see Hillbe, and WanderingPony, and Anon E Moose…”
Her eyes glisten, and the Princess takes a few moments to wipe her eyes, the smile never leaving her.
“Thank you…” Anarchy whispers, “… thank you all…”
“WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?”
The smile was gone from Anarchy’s face as she returned to her next… project…
“Excuse me, folks,” she stage-whispered, “I’m due to take somepony apart…”
Cozy practically shook with anger, a vein throbbing at the side of her neck. It was bad enough when Discord acted like a lunatic, and now this… off-brand pony was doing it too?
“What exactly is going on!?” she snarled, “Who even are you!? What is all this!?” With every other word, Cozy jumped up in the air from the sheer force of her shouting, eventually leaving her sucking in slightly haggard breaths. It was tough work, getting worked up.
Anarchy gave her an unamused glance, and then began to languidly trot down from midair to Cozy’s level. She could do things languidly now. She had the legs for it.
“Well,” she smiled, pulling a couple of Pinkie’s Patented Double Deluxe Dough Drop Donut Cookies out of thin air and passing one to the filly before her, “I suppose I should answer those backwards, since that’s really the best way to explain it…”
The Princess… and she did so clearly love having that title tacked on… took a bite of the confectionary treat, and said, “So, what this is, is my Coronation! A Chaos Coronation, to be specific.”
“So, what?” Cozy rolled her eyes, before taking a bite herself, “You’re an Alicorn Princess too now?”
“Goodness!” Anarchy’s sudden blush and tone of voice perfectly mimicked her mother, before she dipped back into her silky smooth ‘adult’ voice, “Nothing so common. I’m a Ponequus, the very best of Discord and Fluttershy mixed together like… like a cookie that’s also a donut!”
She triumphantly held up the Donut-Cookie with a grin. “But since I’m part Pony… it only made sense to go with Princess once I ate up all of Dad’s magic.”
Cozy rubbed her forehead with a look of utter disgust and irritation on her face, a clear sign of her annoyance with all this… or a sugar headache from Pinkie’s awful creation.
“Okay, so you… you’re Discord and Fluttershy’s foal…?”
“Title drop!” Anarchy grinned… then sighed, “Well… it used to be… but, yes. Got it in one!”
“So, the Bell…?”
One of the Band-Cheese’s began playing a solo version of Iron Mare on his guitar, though at a polka-pace. Anarchy took a moment to nod along with the tune before she answered.
“Gram…” Anarchy’s eyes widened at the slip, but her voice pushed through strong, “Grogar’s Bell jump-started my ascendance to becoming a full-fledged Spirit of Chaos.”
Cozy’s head hurt more. Whatever answer the pony-thing just gave… even if it made sense, it was still insane, and Cozy would have no part of it.
“So, I guess that’s the What and the Who of your questions,” Anarchy accepted a paper cup full of applesauce from a Cheese waiter, and offered one to Cozy, who, naturally, blew a raspberry and tossed the Donut-Cookie away.
The Princess, her smile becoming thin, continued, “So, now we come to the Why…”
“And am I gonna get a non-stupid answer?” Cozy growled, “Sorry, but I’m more than a little fed up with having my victory interrupted so some trussed-up freak can play make-believe!”
Anarchy’s smile didn’t change. She took a breath through her nose, and then asked, “Hey, Cozy?”
The Alicorn scowled, and grumbled, “What?”
With a thunderous bang, a metal safe slammed into the floor, vanishing Cozy Glow entirely from sight. The sound echoed off the walls for what felt like a full minute. Even Anarchy had to check her ears when they wouldn’t stop ringing.
The safe’s lock began to spin, slowly. Then, the door simply popped open. Cozy, scuffed, and with more than a few feathers out of place, plopped out onto the floor again, and coughed.
“Are… are you CRAZY!?”
“What a wonderful question…” the Princess beamed.
But Cozy’s neck-vein was bulging, “You could have killed me!!!”
“Should.”
“WHAT!?”
The Princess’s smile grew strained, “That should have killed you. Ever tried checking how much safes weigh?”
Cozy’s teeth gnashed, and her neck-vein throbbed. But as she opened her mouth to scream again…
Bang.
An anvil flattened her. But from what really should have been a bone-crushing hit, she slowly dragged her way clear…
Bang!
A refrigerator.
Cozy fell out of the freezer, an ice cream cone stuck to her frozen mane. Anarchy snapped it up, but reconsidered when she realized it was vanilla. Cozy slowly thawed, the boiling rage within her more than enough to ensure she would…
BANG!
Now… the sailboat? Even Anarchy was surprised she managed to fit one in the throne room. The boat’s cabin door swung open, and a Cozy Glow dressed in an admiral’s hat… and missing a few teeth, stepped out onto the deck.
“I…” she gasped, possibly for air, but more likely for some scrap of understanding, “I’m…”
BANG!!!
Another safe landed on Cozy Glow.
Anarchy snorted, “Okay, I wasn’t sure if it would be funny the second time…”
The Princess followed this up by clapping her hooves together once. A pink flash of light filled the space around her, leaving Cozy Glow lying on the ground without a boat or a safe in sight.
The pink Alicorn remained face down on the ground.
Anarchy tapped her chin with one hoof, “Huh… I thought I enabled Season 1 physics…”
The hum of magical energy was the only warning Anarchy got, as Cozy’s horn flashed red with power.
“Ha!” she cried, hurling a crimson bolt of power at the Princess, “Gotcha!”
The beam ripped through the air like a lightning bolt… and struck nothing. Anarchy’s whole body twisted around like it was made of rubber, allowing the blast to harmlessly strike the steps up to the throne.
Undaunted, Cozy started hurling bolt after bolt of her magic at Anarchy. The Ponequus bent and twisted the whole while like a gymnast with no bones, laughing maniacally as she cartwheeled about the room.
“Woop! Wa-hey!”
Cozy’s screams of frustration started off unintelligible, but as she chased Anarchy across the room, she seemed to find enough of a rhythm to her enraged spellcasting that she could work out a few curses to toss about.
“Grrrrr! When I catch you, I’m gonna stick you up in the Royal Pigeon Coop!!!”
“Joke’s on you,” Anarchy tauntingly waved her flank and tail in Cozy’s face, “Mom potty-trained them…”
“Just hold still for a moment!”
Anarchy stopped in midair so quickly that Cozy could hear tires squealing. The Princess of Chaos smiled, and then planted her hind hooves on the ground, letting her lean with one foreleg propped up against Flurry Heart, and the other set onto her hip.
“Alright, shoot.”
Cozy paused, magical fury twisting and coiling around her horn.
“What’cha waiting for, Cozy?” Anarchy swept one hoof across her barrel, revealing a red-and-white target painted straight onto her, “I’m right here!”
Something’s not right… don’t take your hoof off the piece…
She narrowed her eyes at the Princess, with her stupid cape and crown cocked at a jaunty angle, that ridiculous, smug look on her muzzle that looked like Discord’s mocking, apple-eating grin…
“No tricks?” Cozy ventured, warily.
Princess Anarchy sprouted an extra set of legs at that moment, and had them complete a complicated, if familiar, set of motions.
“Stick a cupcake in my eye,” she smiled and closed her eyes. Anarchy even lifted her chin a little bit, daring Cozy to do it.
These ponies, Cozy Glow laughed mentally. They never seem to learn.
Cozy built up another surge of magic, almost giddy as she realized how much power she truly held now. And with a self-satisfied smirk, she let it loose on her soon-to-be lawn ornament.
Just before the blast enveloped the Ponequus, obscuring her from Cozy’s view for this last transformation, she noticed something odd. The crown atop Anarchy’s head tilted forward, just a bit, and then toppled over… right into the path of Cozy’s beam.
And as the beam struck, Cozy heard an all-too familiar sound over that of her magic.
A dissonant tolling of the Bell.
“NO” Cozy cried out, her eyes reduced to pinpricks, “No, no, no no no nonononono!!!”
Instantly, she could feel a creeping cold in her hooves. And within seconds, that cold had started climbing up her flanks and settling into her very bones. Her wings began to shrivel up, and she felt herself lose a full inch of height as the familiar transformation completed. Idly, in the midst of her panic and terror and fury at having lost… AGAIN… she couldn’t help but notice that the music and fake crowd sounds hadn’t been turned off, only lowered, which now meant that her defeat had a rather distressing soundtrack.
Her horn was the last to go, reduced to a pink mist as it went with all the rest into Grogar’s Bell, now held in Anarchy’s hooves, a self-satisfied smirk on her lips.
“Wow,” she laughed, “That wasn’t hard at all. Now…”
She gave the Bell a hard shake from side to side, then up and down. The only sound it made was a hollow rattling, rather than the usual tolling sound it had made before.
“C’mon!” Anarchy snapped, “Get out of there!”
Cozy watched from her slumped position on the floor as two orbs of light unceremoniously dropped out of the Bell, like a pair of oversized jawbreakers, one gold and the other purple. They clattered on the ground once, before they lifted themselves back up to Anarchy’s level under their own power.
The Princess pointed one hoof towards the crowd of statues like it was a command.
“Alright, back to where you’re supposed to be,” Anarchy motioned for the magical orbs to return to their rightful owners, pointing out the Princess Twilight and that Trixie-looking unicorn, both stuck in the front row.
To Cozy’s amazement, they looked like they were… shaking their ‘heads’ would be a weird way of putting it, but not entirely inaccurate either. If she hadn’t felt like she’d just run a marathon through Tartarus, she might have been able to smirk or giggle at Anarchy’s expense.
The Spirit of Chaos frowned at this behavior. She closed her eyes and seemed to take a deep, cleansing breath. Then, she opened her eyes wide again, and the air around her almost felt like it had turned solid, as she directed a Stare towards the magical orbs that would have made Fluttershy proud.
The magic shook, this time in fear of those crimson dots glaring into their… again, Cozy didn’t want to say ‘souls’, but it felt weird not to call it that.
“You two,” Anarchy almost hissed, “March your non-Euclidean butts over there right now. I don’t want to have to tell the Princess or Miss Lulamoon what you were up to, but I will.”
The purple and golden orbs flew like cream pies at one of Pinkie Pie’s Throwing Parties. Which was, to say, very fast, and directly into their originators, who remained statues throughout the process.
Anarchy smiled at a job well done.
Cozy, struggling to stand up, grunted, “You… you lied…”
Princess Anarchy rolled her eyes at the pegasus, “Yeah? And?”
Said filly had regained her hooves, and found her head was clearing nicely after… well, losing again. It was becoming distressingly common at this rate, Cozy reflected.
“What do you mean? ‘And’? You’re a Pony, ain’t’cha?”
The Princess sniffed, regally, “Ponequus.”
“Whatever!” Cozy stomped a hoof, and found it carried a lot less power than it had a few minutes ago.
So long, earth pony magic.
She waved one hoof around in an all-encompassing fashion. “You’re one of Sparkle’s friendship students, or whatever. You’re not supposed to lie. That’s like…”
Anarchy chuckled, “What’s it like? A villain thing?”
“Yeah! You goody-goodies aren’t supposed to do that! It’s cheating! Even Discord…” she spat at having to use his name, “… never outright lied! He always did by omission, or used a clever puzzle. I know, I checked.”
“Yeah, Dad liked his games,” Anarchy smiled, sadly, then allowed her brow to furrow again, “But I’m not playing games here, Cozy.”
“Whatever,” the pink pegasus rolled her eyes, “Just get it over with.”
Now, this certainly drew a confused look from the Princess. “Beg pardon?”
Cozy waved her hoof around again, “This. Whatever this is. Just… toss me back into Tartarus, or turn me to stone… or whatever it is you’re gonna do to punish me this time. I don’t have all day… wait…”
While Cozy attempted to walk back that last statement, in light of have literally all the time in the world, depending on the specific punishment that was coming to her, Anarchy just… smiled. It wasn’t a pleasant smile, either. It was the smile of a leopard who just found a rather hefty sheep tying themselves up to a stake in the woods while sunbathing with BBQ sauce instead of oil.
Anarchy tilted her head, and still smiling coyly, asked, “Why would I do that?”
That seemed to bring the little filly up short for a second or two. But a few quick blinks and she was back on track. “Because… you’re one of Twilight’s friendship pony followers. What else can you do?”
“Cozy,” Anarchy took a moment to crush the Bell in between her hooves, popped the twisted form into her mouth like a mint, and said through her chewing, “You’re making a lot of assumptions here.”
“Yeah?” Cozy’s voice seemed a little strained as she cocked her head to one side, justifiably suspicious of what this Ponequus was saying.
“Uh huh,” Anarchy swallowed, then began stalking towards the little pegasus with a slight bounce in her step, “You seem to be under the impression that I’m the hero.”
Cozy’s jaw locked up. She really hadn’t expected that sort of response, all things considered. As she watched the Ponequus Princess start to circle around her, Cozy started running through the past few minutes in her head.
There’s gotta be a clue here, she thought desperately, something I missed. What is up with this kid?
Eventually, Cozy snorted in frustration and shouted, “Look, I don’t wanna play your stupid games! So, just tell me what you want! Why are you making this so complicated!?”
Anarchy took a step back, her eyes shifting to a neutral expression, an appraising expression. Those yellow and red monstrosities in her face, framed by a bright-yellow muzzle and scraggly white eyebrows, seemed to be measuring something in Cozy, and she didn’t like it.
Then, the Princess smiled again.
“All right, no more games. This is what I want from you.”
Cozy waited. And waited. And waited some more. This… Anarchy sat in front of her, silent as stone itself. It took all of the little pegasus’ willpower to not scream, not when she was so close to an answer…
That was… until she felt the first drop of water hit the top of her mane. Cozy, having learned better, took a flying leap to the side. Within the span of a heartbeat, a kitchen sink crashed down where she’d been standing a moment before, leaving a deep gouge in its wake.
She scowled up at Anarchy, “Ha! You missed—!”
BANG
The entire Elementsof Disharmony statue now sat in the middle of the throne room floor, a flattened, still-struggling filly grunting and gasping as she pulled herself out from under it.
“I… what!?” Starlight Glimmer was utterly confused at what had just happened.
“What?” Tirek sighed, “What happened?”
Starlight mentally licked her changeling fangs and tried to project the image of herself smiling gleefully into Tirek’s mind.
“I think… Cozy Glow’s in trouble.”
“Ooh!” the centaur squee’d, “What fun! Tell me every detail, Glimmy!”
“That,” Anarchy said simply, “I want to do that to you… forever.”
Cozy finally pulled herself out from under the statue, no worse off than feathers rustled and her mane a bit flatter than it had been. She threw a look over her shoulder at her former allies. It was a calculating look, Anarchy could tell, in more ways than one.
“That should have…” the filly muttered to herself, not so much confused as worried.
“Yup,” the Princess nodded, “Squashed flat, considering how much that statue weighs…” she glanced up to the statue, “… and yes, I am calling you two fat.”
“So, you’re, what…?” Cozy frowned, “… keeping me alive?”
Anarchy nodded.
Cozy frowned harder, “But what’s the point!?”
Anarchy smiled.
“You’re…” Cozy’s eyes widened, and she took a reflexive step back. “But… that’s not… you’re a…” words dribbled out of her mouth, without any logical connection between them.
Her brain simply couldn’t decide which horrifying realization was worse.
“You mean…”
The Princess of Chaos chuckled in a sinisterly low voice, instantly reminding Cozy of Discord. “That’s right, Cozy,” the Ponequus walked slowly forward, closing the gap between her and Cozy by degrees, “I’m going to keep doing this… forever.”
A cold knot formed in Cozy’s stomach. “What do you mean… forever?”
Anarchy paused mid-step. She blinked rapidly, as if she couldn’t quite believe what she’d heard. Then, she flashed a fang-filled maw of a grin.
“I mean… forever. I’m going to keep doing this and more, forever. Forever, forever, too! Not that wishy-washy forever my Dad and the Princesses put you in stone for.
“Think about it like this…” she began drawing a picture for Cozy, literally. A foalishly animated mountain took shape in the air, with an accompanying, also foalish, image of a griffon.
Anarchy spoke with an air of whimsy that Cozy could no longer discern as real, “There’s a mountain out there, somewhere, that’s made entirely out of diamond. It’s two miles across and two miles high. It’s big, is what I’m getting at. But then,” here she made the griffon trot up to the mountain, “this griffon comes by to sharpen his beak on the side of it.”
She directed the images with her tail, like it was a conductor’s baton, and they her orchestra.
“Now, the griffon gets his beak sharpened, and he moves on. The diamond mountain isn’t really affected, but there’s still a little wear and tear on it, no matter how small. The griffon also doesn’t come around to do this again for another hundred years.”
She leaned in, uncomfortably close for Cozy’s taste, and whispered, “Bit suspicious for a griffon to live so long, but stories are like that…”
The Princess popped, instantly teleporting up to her throne, where she continued to tell her story while lounging in comfort, the images acting on their own to follow her stage directions.
“So, every hundred years, a griffon comes by and sharpens their beak, got it? Now… how long do you think it will take for that mountain to be completely eroded away?”
A spotlight snapped on, revealing Cozy Glow sat astride a high stool, wearing a dunce cap. Despite this obvious slight, she was clearly fighting the urge to snap back or snark, instead settling for a quiet sulk.
When Cozy didn’t answer, Anarchy pressed on. “It’s a long time. A long, long, loooooooooooooooong time,” she said, her voice dropping down multiple octaves as she stretched out her words for emphasis.
“When that mountain has completely gone..." the images vanished in a puff, "...then the first second of Eternity will have passed…”
Princess Anarchy’s apparent mirth over the shenanigans she was putting Cozy through… faded, just for a moment. For just a moment, her lips curled in a snarl, and her hair straightened ever so slightly.
Cozy’s heart skipped as she saw Anarchy’s eyes… burn.
“… and then,” the Princess’s voice hid none of the naked, venomous contempt held in her heart, “Then… I’ll still be warming up…”
“But… why!?”
Anarchy closed her eyes, and looked away. “The fact that I even have to tell you why is proof to me that I should skip the physical torture first. We can come back to that later. Right now…”
She opened her eyes, only to find no pink pegasus standing before her.
Anarchy sighed, her annoyance plain.
“Guess we’re skipping right to emotional and mental…”
Cozy had gotten on the bad side of a lot of ponies, and creatures. Tartarus had been like a rough timeout. Stone had been that, but with less bathroom breaks. But it hadn’t been until this moment that Cozy had ever really put two and two together on why those punishments had been handed down instead of what she’d probably have done to those who crossed her.
Tartarus had been merciful. Stone had been lenient.
Whatever this was… wouldn’t be.
Cozy Glow flew down Palace corridors and halls with every ounce of wingpower she could give, heedless of any obstacle in her way. She zipped past frozen guards where she’d placed them before, her eyes catching the frozen fear in theirs…
Suddenly, that didn’t seem as funny as it once was.
Don’t think about it, Cozy… just get out of here, and AWAY from that… that…
The Palace’s huge front doors came into view, and Cozy’s mind completely emptied of all other thoughts. Escape was the name of the game, and she aimed to win this one. She nearly crashed into the doors, slowing just enough to not hurt herself as she placed her hooves onto them, pushed with all her might…
And re-entered the throne room. The statues were still set up as a crowd. The music, though different, was still playing; the stain-glass figures were playing card games like they were waiting for somepony.
And Anarchy was still sitting on her throne, watching Cozy with a wry grin.
“Ooh, tough,” she tsk-tsked, “Wanna try for door number two? Or perhaps three?”
She indicated the two side doors with one wing each. Her wings were long, Cozy noticed, idly wondering just what was up with her body proportions as the little filly bolted for the right-door, the one she vaguely recalled leading towards the kitchens.
It didn’t. Not this time.
Cozy felt her stomach lurch as she dropped out of a blue sky, one that shouldn’t have been there. For a panicked second, she felt a hot wind blowing around her, and heard her own garbled gasp as she fell, helplessly, into a floor of rough sand.
She sputtered, unfortunately while her head was immersed in the hot sand, and flailed her legs about to free herself. But as Cozy pulled her head from the sand and shook as much of the offending detritus out of her eyes and mane as she could, she couldn’t help but groan at what unfolded before her.
She was in a desert. A bright, sandy desert underneath a boiling sun. Stone arches stood in the distance like frozen whales in mid-leap; monoliths caught in a moment of time. Cozy, eyes free of sand, could only blink at the sight of the shimmering heat, the brilliant sunlight, and the rings of an alien world orbiting this one, far, far away in the daylit sky.
This was all impossible…
“Eugh,” she snarled, “Chaos. Right.”
Cozy tried to get her wings buzzing, to get some altitude and figure out just where she was after Anarchy’s little prank… but nothing happened. No buzzing. She couldn’t even feel the muscles in her back that she…
Cozy Glow screamed as she turned her head to look at her back.
“My wings!?” she screeched, noting the complete absence of wings or any sign that they’d ever been right where they were supposed to be. For all intents and purposes, Cozy was now…
“I’m a mudpony!?” a little part of her twinged at her outburst. It was the part that remembered she was being hunted by an omnipotent Chaos God who, most likely, was taking the death of one such mudpony… personally.
“Right. Focus, Cozy,” she tried some of those breathing exercises she’d seen Twilight perform while the Princess thought she was alone, “This is just magic. It’s all magic. Discord could get cross, but he always calmed down eventually. Just give Ann time and she’ll do the same.
“Yeah, right,” Cozy groaned again as she realized how desperate she sounded, “Even saying ‘what could possibly go wrong’ couldn’t make this worse…”
At her declaration, the sand began to shift.
“I WAS KIDDING!!!”
A low, menacing rumble seemed to shake the whole desert. Even the sun overhead started rattling in the alien sky, and Cozy could feel the distant vibrations race up her legs. She’d never felt anything like it. She wondered, worriedly, if this was an earthquake, or something else that freak had set up.
She got her answer, moments later. Off in the distance, the sand seemed to shrink back as a shape rose up from the earth. Cozy’s brain short-circuited as she took in the truly titanic form of the colossus that reached up out of the sand and into the sky. It was a monster, a giant snake the likes of which Cozy had only seen in her nightmares, whose body was cut by black and white stripes, and whose huge head seemed to split down the side in a wicked grin.
Cozy’s heart raced. She knelt down, hoping that it wouldn’t see her.
But then, its head swiveled straight towards her, and to her horror, its mouth split open at the jaw-line, and as the whole head unhinged itself, a second head pushed its way out. This one, yellow with pink highlights, snarled and bellowed in a way that caused Cozy’s mane to stand up, and her heart to seize.
And then… it charged. The whole desert burst apart as it rampaged through the dunes towards Cozy Glow, and the filly’s mind almost blanked out from the sheer Panic settling into her bones.
Almost.
She turned, and tried to run from the inevitable fate which was barreling down on her. But the sand snatched at her hooves, and the sun ripped the air and water from her flesh. Cozy tired within moments, her little body unable to keep her going.
It’s like running in a nightmare, she despaired. No matter how much effort she put into the act, she got nothing back. She wondered, for a moment, if she was actually going backwards…
The monster was almost upon her. Cozy could feel its shadow catching up to her, and her heart pounding like hammer-blows in her chest. She couldn’t keep this up. She couldn’t do it. Not alone.
Which was when a silver thread dropped into Cozy’s vision. Silver, with a single, black stripe down the center.
“Come vit me,” Anarchy said in a horrendous Germane accent, a huge pair of sunglasses covering her eyes, as she leaned out of a doorway that hung several meters in the air, like it was no big deal, “if you vant to live…”
Cozy glanced at the Ponequus’s tail, dangling in front of her face from out of the door. She looked back, for about half a second at the wall of churning sand and teeth that was hurtling towards her, and she leapt for the tail.
“Whoops!” Anarchy laughed as she tugged her tail just out of Cozy’s reach. Cozy didn’t waste time getting off the ground and jumping again.
And again.
And again.
Cozy didn’t stop to scream or complain. She was far, far too scared to stop for any of that.
“Come on, Cozy! I know you can do it!” Anarchy laughed, pulling her tail just out of hoof’s reach again.
If Cozy could hear her heart pounding, she’d know how close she was to having a stroke. But, as luck would have it, the sound of the entire desert vanishing into the maw of a monstrous beast drowned that out neatly.
It also, thankfully, drowned out the whimper that came unbidden from Cozy’s throat. She’d never live it down, assuming she lived through this.
But a certain Ponequus had far better hearing than a little pegasus. Anarchy’s tail held dipped down, enough to wrap its tip around one of Cozy’s outstretched hooves. With a sharp tug, and a swinging whip-like motion, she brought Cozy up to the door and back into Equestria.
Cozy Glow sailed through the air in an uncontrolled trajectory, soaring over and past Princess Anarchy, only to hit the hard floor and skid to a panting halt almost on the complete other side of the hall. She didn’t dare move for a number of seconds after, only allowing herself to gulp down muzzle-fulls of air, and sweat profusely all over the Princess’s tile.
Then, once Anarchy had closed the door to the desert, slamming it in the Worm’s face, Cozy allowed herself a moment to silently cry.
The Princess of Chaos, by contrast, scowled as she watched Cozy Glow whimper on the floor, tucking her legs in and shivering with each shaky breath.
What a piece of work, she thought. I bet she expects me to believe all this.
Still, she paused for a moment, letting Cozy get her breath back. It would do no good to let the filly kill herself.
Not before Anarchy had the chance.
A few minutes later, Cozy could finally start thinking clearly. While her breathing slowed down, her mind sped up. The last ten minutes or so had been a nightmare, far worse than anything she’d experienced back in Tartarus, and she’d heard Tirek’s singing. This had already been worse by an order of magnitude, and Cozy was only just starting to appreciate her position.
When in a hole, stop digging, she quoted to herself. Sun Zoo was a wise pony, after all.
As she regained her hooves, Cozy looked towards the Princess of Chaos, and visibly cringed at the sight. This time, it wasn’t the Ponequus’s eyes or her monstrous appearance. It was the storm cloud of emotion playing across her face, a pained fury that Cozy could only imagine being hurled her way.
She needed to get out of this. This wasn’t about winning, or power, anymore. This was survival.
Alright, she thought, taking a gulp before speaking, Remember everything Grampa Glow taught you…
“Ann… I mean, Princess?” she began, gingerly, “Maybe we got off on the wrong hoof. I believe we can both be reasonable ponies about this…”
Anarchy snorted, “Reasonable? Were you being reasonable when you killed my best friend?”
For once, the regret on Cozy’s face was genuine. Had she known she’d be at this creature’s mercy after the fact, she probably wouldn’t have dropped that particular statue. Still, too much cringing would only antagonize, so she held her ground, planted her hooves, and kept her wings at…
Right. Mudpony.
Cozy took a breath, and said, “Look… Princess… I’m real sorry about what happened…”
“No, you’re not.”
The dig, so quick and sure, caught Cozy off-guard. It made her façade crack, just a little, and let loose a little fire she’d been holding back.
“You don’t know me!” she snarled, though that flash of rage instantly died as her brain caught up to what was happening.
The Princess laughed. She actually laughed, throwing her head back and everything.
“You? What’s there to know? Wait…” Anarchy’s chuckling subsided, and Cozy got a good, first-pony view of that same wicked grin she’d had when she made what was looking like the worst mistake of her life only minutes ago.
It looked a lot more wicked on a Ponequus. “What do I know? Let’s find out!”
Far too quick for Cozy to do anything about it, one of Anarchy’s batwings wrapped her up and spun her around. And like a cheap transition in one of those silly moving picture shows Cozy’d seen back before her first villainous takeover, the entire throne room went dark.
Cozy landed in a soft, cushioned seat in a large theater, dimly lit by magic crystals in the floor. The whole room was filled to capacity, seats filled by the creatures she’d turned to stone today, the stain-glass versions of Twilight and her friends, a gaggle of Cheese Pies and one Vinyl Scratch (still bearing Discordian eyes), and sitting on Cozy’s immediate right was the Princess of Chaos herself.
Anarchy slapped down a Gigantic soda in Cozy’s lap, nearly crushing the filly instantly, and offered her a bit of popcorn. Well, un-popped kernels covered in chocolate sauce and mixed in with jelly beans and gummy dragons.
The flush of green in Cozy’s cheeks probably told Anarchy she could keep her snack, and as the huge screen flickered to life, the Princess knocked back a hoof-full and took in the show…
The show started. No trailers for this one, though Cozy wouldn’t know what those were in any case. Instead, she was shocked to hear, actually hear, music accompanying the picture, something that hadn’t come out until after she went away for the second time! There was even a moment of wonder as a trill of piano notes joined the sight of a (It’s in color!?) large pink balloon, carrying a rather familiar… purple unicorn and purple baby dragon through a bank of clouds…
“W-what?” Cozy’s soda slipped from her hooves, her eyes widening to the size of saucers, “WHAT!?”
A mass, collective shush came down from the crowd of statues behind her, like a little wave of annoyance. She flinched at it, then threw a pleading look up at her tormenter. But the Princess seemed fully engrossed in… whatever this was.
Despair. That’s what this is, she thought to herself. For the first time in her entire life, Cozy Glow felt a shadow fall across her heart. In the past, with Grandpa and the orphanage, she’d just gotten mad. She let that little fire in her burn through thoughts of defeat and acceptance. And then, after her failure at the School of Friendship, and when she, Tirek, and Chrysalis were defeated together, it had been anger that carried her through to want to live another day.
But, in that moment, as the final strands of the opening music played, and her own mind began to shut down from brushing up against the Fourth Wall… Cozy just couldn’t find it within herself to care anymore.
🎶 “Do you know you’re all my very best Friends…?”🎶
Time passed, Cozy thought. She was vaguely aware of it passing, in any case. But for most of it, her mind was elsewhere, trying desperately not to confront the blatant metacognitive dissonance caused by Anarchy’s little trip past the Fourth Wall.
Cozy found herself staring at her hooves as she sat on the cold throne room floor. She wasn’t sure when or how she’d gotten there. She could recall music, and some sort of movie… no doubt magically created… that detailed parts of her original plans for world conquest.
Again, Cozy didn’t want to think about it. But Anarchy… boiled in her throne as she contemplated things.
“I… I don’t believe it,” she fumed, one hoof propping up her chin as she glared daggers at Cozy Glow, “I just… I can’t believe that the reason my friend is gone… is some nobody pony.”
Cozy barely heard her, but something within her managed to get her mouth working. “I’m not nobody,” she said, weakly.
Anarchy appeared beside Cozy, walking on hind legs while she counted on her forehooves… a new one popping up with each item she listed, “You’ve got no backstory, no family, and no motivation outside of ‘take over the world’. Sounds pretty ‘Nobody’ to me…”
“I do too have a family… well, did…” Cozy pointed out, lamely, not as ready to snap as she once was.
Anarchy said something under her breath in a huffy tone, which Cozy couldn’t quite grasp. Something about ‘not being canon’… which was odd since Cozy had no idea how Pinkie’s party cannons featured into all this.
Then, she said, “Still, why’d you even want to take over the world?”
At this, Cozy finally got back a little of her old snark, as she laughed and said, “Because that’s what you’re supposed to do, uh doy?”
When Anarchy gave little more than a flat, unamused stare, Cozy decided to try another tact. “Everypony is out to scam every other pony. So, why not scam harder than everypony else? If it’s all a game, play to win, ya know?”
“So,” the Princess clicked her tongue, which rattled like castanets, “You decided to purge the world of magic, potentially killing everything… what we in the biz call ‘a Glim-Glam Wham-bam’… because it was fun?”
There was a brief chill that ran up Cozy’s spine, a sign her subconscious was trying to warn her again, but all she could really do was shrug and nod at what Anarchy had said. It was mostly true, in any case.
“It’s a horse-eat-horse world,” she said, as though it were wisdom from the Gods.
Anarchy just stared. And stared.
And then, worryingly, she smiled. “Hey, Cozy?”
“… Yeah?”
“Two questions,” the Ponequus returned to a predatory prowl around her eternal prey, “What do you know about Buckball? And… do you like puppets?”
“Um…”
That’s a strange question. Questions.
“Maybe,” Anarchy chuckled, “But we’re all strange in some ways…”
Cozy cringed at the mental intrusion… but this wasn’t a good time to provoke the Chaos God. Not that there was a good time.
“Some newfangled sport invented by mudponies,” she rolled her eyes, “And… eh. Puppets are alright, I guess.”
Anarchy nodded, “Good.”
And with that, she scooped a panicking Cozy Glow up in her long, silver tail, and leapt high into the air. Her eyes flashed with a vibrant pink light, which traveled down the length of one of her wings. Cozy watched as the wing became a claw… and with a single flap, it tore the very air apart.
Just below them now, a swirling pink vortex hung in the air, spinning and spiraling like water down a bathtub drain. And in the center, Cozy could see… something take shape.
“W-what…?” her mouth dried out as she gazed into the abyss, and saw that something stare back, “What is THAT!?”
Anarchy lifted Cozy up so that their eyes could meet.
“Well,” she smirked, “What does it look like?”
Inside the vortex, all Cozy could see was… felt. Red felt. A red felt… something what the buck is thaaaaat!?!?
Cozy’s mind was screaming. As was her mouth.
As was her soul.
“Awww,” Anarchy pouted, her voice nearly drowned out entirely by Cozy’s lung-defying feat. “Don’t worry Señor Dorado Rojizo de Patata,” she said in a thick Puerto Caballo accent, complete with flamenco guitar riff, “even if somepony doesn’t have manners, I still appreciate you.”
“Please,” Cozy tried to worm her forelegs loose so she could grip something, anything of Anarchy’s to keep her from… that, “I’ll do anything! Anything! Just don’t…”
Anarchy raised an inquisitive eyebrow, and said, “Now, now… you haven’t asked me why I wanted to know your thoughts on Buckball yet.”
Cozy closed her eyes tight, and breathed. “W… why…?”
Anarchy lifted herself another few inches into the air, and suddenly spun around. The motion caught Cozy off-guard, and the pink pegasus’s filly’s screams distorted as she was swung around, and around.
Just as the blood threatened to flow up into her mane, Cozy felt Anarchy’s tail slip, and let her fly… straight down, into the portal, still screaming as she sailed into the Puppet Dimension.
“I call it the Anarchy Slide Pass. You like?” Anarchy grinned.
No one laughed. There was no one to laugh.
The portal closed behind Cozy, and made that an undeniable fact. Silence filled the dead air, leaving Anarchy… leaving Ann to sigh, and drift back down to the ground. As her hooves touched down, she sighed again, before reaching up to rub one of her eyes.
“Why did I do that?” she asked the silence all around her. She sniffed, and tried to dry her eyes. It wouldn’t do to have Cozy come back and see her like this.
She sighed, one more time. “What am I doing?”
Ann tossed a look over her shoulder, to the field of statues bearing silent witness. Just by chance, her eyes fell on Shady first.
“Don’t you judge me,” she growled, quietly, half-heartedly, “What was I supposed to do?”
He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to. His eyes, whether frozen in horror and fear at turning to stone… or at seeing his friend acting this way… it didn’t matter.
She found herself casting her eyes around to the others.
“Well, Pearl,” she took a seat next to the unicorn, “I guess… I guess you were right. I suppose me and Grampa can work out things later. After all…”
Ann closed her eyes.
“We’re both monsters…”
When she opened her eyes again, they were hardened. Like iron. Like the Princess of Chaos should be.
“But that’s my choice. My destiny, I guess.”
She stood back up, and watched with her hardened gaze as another pink portal tore open the sky, and deposited a shaking filly back into the throne room.
“I…” Tirek took a moment to compose himself, “I’m starting to get a little worried. About Cozy, I mean.”
“I concur,” Starlight Glimmer coughed, “At least… worried that I won’t get a chance to annoy her again. That’s… that’s what I…”
Tirek’s eyebrows, intangible and invisible as they were, raised noticeably.
After another moment, Starlight sighed.
“I hope she’ll be okay…”
“Welcome back,” she greeted Cozy with a strained smile.
The pink filly snapped her head up, a wild look in her eyes. Cozy leapt to her hooves, but seemed to instantly regret that action. Instead, she doubled over, and began to retch. Anarchy looked away, more out of politeness than anything else. When she looked back, Cozy had deposited a pile of yarn onto her floor. It looked dry.
Cozy dry-heaved once, then staggered a few steps back. She took in the room slowly, before her gaze settled on the Princess once more.
“You… nothing changed?” she frowned, confused, “I was sure you’d have redecorated…”
“It’s only been five minutes,” Anarchy shrugged, “But give me time. I might surprise you.”
“Five…?” Cozy’s eyes shrunk to pinpricks, and her mouth hung agape, “That’s… that’s impossible!”
The Princess chortled, “Nothing’s impossible for me, kiddo…”
Cozy began trotting in circles, “No! But…! But that,” she pointed to the vanishing portal, “That was… I spent months trying to get back! I… I walked a thousand miles! I tricked puppets, I stole and manipulated my way…
“It was all for nothing?” her little shoulders shook, her breathing growing harder and harder, “Or… did it really happen?”
“Oh, it happened,” Anarchy was already thinking of what came next, but since the best part of this was the Panic, she was fine stretching the bit out, “But it still didn’t matter.”
Cozy slid down to the floor again, her gaze on nothing in particular. She just… stared, probably for the sake of staring.
Anarchy pointed back up into the air with a hoof, and another portal began to take shape. “And… for my next trick…”
She didn’t get farther, as there was a sudden, loud, screaming explosion right in front of the Princess.
“NO!” Cozy screamed, leaping back up to her hooves, “THAT’S IT! ENOUGH!”
“What’s enough?” Anarchy frowned, “You think I’m gonna cut my fun short just because…”
“Shut up!” Cozy jabbed a hoof into Anarchy’s chest, eliciting a truly shocked expression from the Ponequus. “Just… shut the BUCK up!”
Veins had popped out on the filly’s neck, and her eyes had bulged out of her face like some freaky, spooky drawing of Dib’s whenever he liked to spook Ann or Shady. Her whole body had shifted to a slightly darker pink, as well, as the blood flowed into her face.
“Now you listen here,” Cozy’s voice took on an edge that she’d been lacking ever since this whole ordeal started, “You want me to cry? To say I’m sorry? You want me to break down over, and over, and overagain with your elaborate torture regimen?
“Well, screw that! I won’t give you the satisfaction!” she stomped one tiny hoof on the ground for emphasis, but didn’t stop there. “You said that you know me? Well, guess what, doll face? I know you just as well! All you are… is a bully!”
Anarchy’s jaw dropped. She blinked rapidly, and tried to take back the initiative, “W-what? B-but I… you…!”
“You’re getting satisfaction from pushing me around, right?” Cozy cocked her head to the side, “Finally! You get to be the one to push around somecreature weaker than you. For once in your life, you actually have control over your destiny! I know what that feels like, Ann. I know what it feels like to finally cut loose and let everypony know you beat them.”
She chuckled, dryly, “Sure, I wasn’t welcome at the orphanage anymore after I pulled my stunt there, and I might have wound up in Tartarus a little over a year later from the other thing… but you’re already so much worse than I was then, and so much better at being a villain.
“Yeah, I said it,” Cozy snarked, “You’re a better villain! So, why don’t you get it out of your system, and either let me go… or finish me off!”
“I don’t KILL PONIES!” Anarchy snarled back, white flames licking at the edge of her mane for an instant as her eyes lit up. Her voice had taken on a familiar, discordant timbre.
But Cozy wasn’t done. Not even close.
She laughed, “And torturing me forever is better?”
Anarchy had nothing to say to that. So, she squeezed her eyes shut, and tried to breathe.
“I mean,” Cozy said, glancing over to the frozen Element of Kindness, “Can you imagine what she’d say if she saw this?”
“… stop talking…”
“Oh! Um!” Cozy said in an eerily good impression of her former professor, “That’s so mean! How could you do that to anycreature, Ann?”
“I said,” Anarchy’s eyes opened, and let loose a glare that would peel paint, “Stop. Talking.”
Cozy hadn’t heard her. She held up a hoof to her forehead, in a mockingly Rarity-tier drama pose.
“Oh! How could my widdle baby do this? Where did I go wrong as a mother? How could I have raised such a monst—”
Her voice caught in her throat, alongside her breath. Cozy felt a hot, throbbing pain stick in her chest. She tried to drag in air, and found only a trickle getting through. Something was… somecreature was blocking her airways. What…?
Her eyes lifted up… and she saw Death.
Ah, Cozy thought as the flaming, crimson eyes bore down into her soul, should have quit while I was ahead. Story of my life…
“If you can’t say something nice,” Anarchy said in a voice as calm as a tensed wire, “Say nothing…”
The Princess’s voice trailed off, her eyes unfocusing. She seemed to stare past Cozy, at something that wasn’t really there, but in too many ways was suddenly more real to Anarchy than anything else in the room.
Anarchy blinked, and took a deep, steadying breath. “Fine,” she began to rise into the air, “Request granted…”
Cozy’s breath returned, but as she took in a deep, grateful drag of air, she could feel her whole body seized by Anarchy’s invisible power. Both ponies sailed up into the air once more, as the Princess looked around. For what? Cozy had no idea.
Then, Anarchy took both her forelegs, and stabbed them into the air before her. With a puff of air, and the sound of straining wood, Cozy watched as the world split in half. Anarchy ripped the air apart, as she’d done with the… Cozy shivered… Puppet Dimension.
But there were no puppets. There wasn’t anything. There was nothing. Total, complete, and utter. Nothingness.
Nothingness was very, very dark, as it so happened.
“Uh…” Cozy’s breath caught as Anarchy swiveled around to glare back at her.
“I was going to just send you over to Sunset Shimmer’s universe, you know?” the Princess explained, her voice full of barely-restrained fury, “That’s the human world, if you never saw the Mirror back in Twilight’s castle. I was gonna just toss you in for a few weeks, but maybe as a fish, or some variety of fern.
“How would you have liked that, Cozy?” she drifted close enough to where their muzzles almost touched, “Not being able to think about things? Every thought in your head just… vanishing every five minutes or so as you swam in circles around your bowl. Or, you’d just sit there, waiting for another bit of rain and sunshine so you could grow a bit more. I wonder how you would have handled that?”
Anarchy flew around to Cozy’s back, and pushed her closer to the black void that hung in the air. “But… since you insisted I end this… here it is! Utter Oblivion!”
“Wait!” Cozy’s legs kicked out, as if she could slow her descent into the tear in reality, the nothingness before her, “Wait! Please! I… I didn’t mean all that!”
“I’m pretty sure you did.”
“Alright… I… I did! Alright! I did! But…” Cozy’s voice pitched higher, “You can’t do this! Please, don’t do this!”
The Princess said nothing.
So, Cozy did.
“Ann! Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry I said those things, and I’m sorry I did those things! I’m a bad pony! I admit that!”
Non-existence approached. Slowly, purposefully. The blackness beckoned like a church bell. Like an open grave.
“I don’t wanna die! Please!” her voice cracked, and hot tears began to drip down her cheeks. As the darkness came close, the tears started falling towards it, vanishing without the slightest sound. In fact, the silence that met each drop could have been the total opposite of sound, a silence so profound that silence itself could not compare.
Cozy closed her eyes, and cried.
“Help me! Somepony help me! Grampa…!”
Cozy Glow wept. Openly. Loudly. Her sobs were muffled only by the stifling depth of the throne room itself. She hadn’t cried since… since she couldn’t really remember. Maybe before the orphanage. She wasn’t sure anymore. But right now, in the dark, the walls around her heart came down, and Cozy Glow cried like the little filly she might have been, deep down where nopony could hurt her.
“What did you say?”
The voice, hollow and haunted, came from in front of Cozy, but she couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes. She barely understood the words through the solid fog of tears and fear and sorrow that had fallen over her.
“I asked you a question!”
Cozy just cried harder. Angering the Ponequus was what caused all this…
“Stop it! Stop crying!”
The voice was still angry.
“Please! Stop crying!”
The voice wasn’t just angry. There was something else there. Something familiar that Cozy had thought forgotten…
Cozy lowered her hooves, and opened her eyes.
“Please…” Ann whispered, her cheeks wet with tears, her lips quivering, “… don’t cry. You’re… you’re making me cry…”
Her words hung in the air with them, for a moment, mere inches from the void.
Then, the hole in the world closed up with a little pop, and Ann let herself and the pink filly set down on the floor once again. Their eyes never left each other the entire time.
Ann reached out a hoof, tentatively, shaking the whole time. She held the pose, her eyes still not leaving Cozy’s.
Cozy stared. Her eyes stared at Ann… and then at her hoof… and then back at Ann.
Then, Cozy Glow took a step forward, and hugged the Ponequus every bit as tightly as Ann hugged her.
“I’m sorry,” Ann cried, her whispers muffled by Cozy’s mane, “I’m so… so sorry…”
The skies above Canterlot had certainly seen better… less weird days. At the present moment, nocreature could deny that, considering the storm clouds had taken on a pink and black spiral pattern whose center hung neatly over the throne room’s highest tower. The ‘eye’ of the storm, as it was, also appeared to be a rather large… yellow and crimson eyeball hanging in the sky.
It was disconcerting. Especially when it winked.
“Three guesses who’s to blame for all this,” Celestia sighed wearily, standing just before the idly open gates to her former residence, “And the first two don’t count.”
Her sister Luna stood by her side, dressed in an ‘I Manehattan’ t-shirt and carrying a ‘Princess Burger’ mega-cup (the one with a shifting holographic of herself and Nightmare Moon on the side) in her magical aura.
“Tia, ‘tis clearly the work of Discord. A second guess, I shall not need.”
Celestia stared, nonplussed. A bolt of blue-and-yellow striped lightning landed nearby with a nearly-silent quack, punctuating her expression.
Luna grinned. And flipped her ears forward and back in turns. She almost started waggling them when Celestia finally blinked.
“That show has ruined you,” the former Sun Princess shook her head, almost hiding her smirk, “You’re unbearable when you’re happy.”
“Oh, let me have my fun!” Luna laughed.
“Yes, yes, of course,” Celestia smiled, “I’m just worried. Where are the ponies?”
Luna looked about, curiously, but stopped suddenly as she spotted somecreatures moving within the castle. “Ho! Who goes there?”
The Princesses trotted up to the doors and quickly came upon a peculiar sight. Their dear friend, and fellow retiree, Grogar, was draped rather unceremoniously across the back of a dark-brown kirin, who watched the Princesses with rapt attention. Beside him, a somewhat familiar pink-maned unicorn beamed as she saw the Princesses enter.
Twinkleshine ran up to Celestia and threw a tight hug around the former ruler’s forelegs. Celestia smiled at the reaction, careful not to notice her sister’s grumble at the clear favoritism.
The kirin, Rainy Blaze, waved a hoof in greeting, and then said, “Why, we didn’t think anypony knew what had happened yet. Glad to see a warning got out in time!”
The Royal Sisters shared a worried glance.
“A-actually…” Celestia began, subtly pushing Twinkleshine away from her with a touch of magic, “We were in Manehattan, taking in a show…”
Luna cut in, “When some sort of magical force yeeted Cloudsdale all the way back to Canterlot before First Snow could occur.
“That is how our tour guide described it, did she not?” Luna looked up enthusiastically to her sister, hoping her use of the hip new lexicon of the day would be well-received.
“Y… yes…” Celestia had never been happier to have developed a thousand-year poker face, “We decided that when… that happened, we should investigate. So…”
She leaned in close to Twinkleshine and Rainy, while Luna took up Grogar in her own aura.
“What exactly happened here?”
Neither moved for a long, long time. They didn’t dare. Each cried silently in the forelegs of the other, their breathing hard and ragged as they each tried, and failed, to get their emotions back under control. How long they stood there, hugging, was anycreature’s guess.
But, eventually, Cozy Glow and Ann stopped. But they did not let go. Again, they didn’t dare. For the first time in a long while, each one was without an enemy, a threat to their safety or their lives.
This, naturally, couldn’t last forever.
“What now?” Cozy Glow sniffed, and pulled herself from Ann’s embrace, “I… thank you… for not…”
“You really shouldn’t have to thank somecreature for not doing… that…” Ann lowered herself down onto her belly. “At least… unless they’re monsters. Like me.”
Cozy bit her lip. A thousand thoughts flew through her mind just then. She could still grab one of those folding chairs. A good hit to Ann’s noggin would buy her a few minutes to fly… run out of here. Ann wasn’t looking at her now, instead inspecting the floor, which meant it was as good a time as any for Cozy to just… take off. Heck, Ann was so distraught, she probably wouldn’t even chase her down today. There was time. Time to flee, recoup, recalculate what she needed. She could still win this. All she needed…
Cozy Glow sighed.
She was so, sooooo tired.
“You’re not a monster,” she said, quietly, but firmly. “If you were… I wouldn’t be here now, right?”
Ann didn’t react. She rubbed at her eyes again, more out of reflex than to wipe away tears. Then, she looked to Cozy.
“What do we do now?”
And like that, it was back to the quiet game. Neither one knew, precisely, what the next step was. Both were fairly certain at least one of them was getting locked up in Tartarus after today, but which one was still up in the air.
“Well,” Cozy glanced around the room, “I… guess turning everypony back to normal would be step one?”
“Everycreature,” Ann corrected, unenthusiastically.
Cozy snorted, but let that go. “I mean, what else are ya going to do with them? I was thinking, pigeon coop… but I’m the bad guy here…”
“Nah,” Ann shook her head, “You said it yourself. I’m the bad guy.”
“Not if you turn everyp—creature back,” Cozy said, her voice a little firmer than it had been. “What’s stopping you, anyway? You’re basically all-powerful right now.”
“Yeah,” Ann sighed, “but Phenomenal Cosmic Powertm doesn’t really help me here…”
“I mean… I saw you do it once.”
Ann looked away, “Not that part. I can do it… but that would mean telling them what I did. It would mean telling Mom what I did, and the Princess, and the Council. It would mean I’d have to tell Pinkie that… that I…”
A hoof touched Ann’s foreleg. She glanced up from there into Cozy’s… smirk?
“For what it’s worth,” Cozy shrugged, “I was the one who actually killed him, so she’d probably be mad at me.”
Ann frowned. “You know? I bet those puppets would welcome you back…”
“NO!” Cozy’s hooves gripped Ann’s shoulders before she knew what she was doing, her eyes haunted by the memory. Slowly, she let go of Ann, and tried to smooth out the coat where she’d ruffled it.
“Ahem,” she coughed, unconvincingly, “No… that’s okay.”
Ann watched Cozy for another moment, and then sighed. “Cozy… I can’t fix Cheese. I can’t bring him back. That’s not how Chaos works.”
“Uh, why not?” Cozy asked, one eyebrow raised.
“Anytime I tried to fix stuff with my magic, it went haywire. Like when I tried to dry off my friend Pearl when she got mud on her. I just ended up poofing her coat and mane. And that’s after I set myself on fire trying to dry after a bath!”
Cozy rolled her eyes again, “Well, what’s the worst that could happen this time? He’s already rubble!”
“I’m not chancing it,” Ann shook her head, “What if I turn his bits into butterflies? Or popcorn? What would I do then?”
“Well…” Cozy’s mouth snapped shut before she could finish the thought. She’d only just gotten back into Ann’s good graces, after all. Best not spoil it with a hasty joke.
Instead, Cozy rubbed her chin and took a look around. The throne room was still the same as it had been for a while. Banners and deflated balloons were everywhere, partly covering the piles of confetti strewn about. Even the statues hadn’t moved since the coronation.
The statues…
Cozy ran over to the front row, and took a quick inventory.
“Cozy? What are you…?”
The little pink pegasus found what she was looking for.
“Here he is!” she proudly pointed up into the face of the one, and only, Draconequus. “You want an out? I can’t think of anycreature more qualified for getting into trouble, and then somehow talking their way out of it!”
As she said this, Cozy scowled. “He clearly got away with setting me up…”
Ann’s eyes widened. Slowly, with the speed of an oncoming continental plate, a smile spread over her face.
“Cozy…” she whispered, “You’re a genius!”
“I try…”
“Of course, Dad would know how to fix Cheese!” Ann pranced in place, her silver mane waving about as she cut a little rug, “He’s the Spirit of Chaos! He can do anything with it!”
“Yeah,” Cozy grumbled, “including turning ponies into living statues…”
But Ann just trotted past the filly with a laugh, “Ah, quit griping! It all worked out, didn’t it?”
“I’ll work you out, you…” Cozy’s words descended into grumbling growls.
After a few moments, during which Ann tried several times to settle down in her excitement, she finally managed to focus. She sat before the statue that was Discord, and closed her eyes. Unlike the last time she woke up a statue, this time Ann didn’t need to dig that far down to find the power. It came to her like a faithful pet.
Pink light bloomed around the Ponequus. It shifted and flowed like oil on water, hugging her close, yet never catching or slowing down. Cozy watched Ann draw upon the powers of Chaos in a way that made certain parts of her brain start salivating at all the schemes she could…
“Focus!” she commanded herself. “Survival, not winning…”
A flash of pink lightning jumped from Ann’s hoof, striking her father directly in the face. The sound was… quieter than Cozy was expecting, and sounded faintly of a wet, hacking cough. And with that, there was a second, louder explosion as the stone covering the Lord of Chaos flaked off and burned.
As the pink flames scoured him clean, Discord stretched and groaned. His serpentine body twisted up, straightened out, and curled back in on itself. The sheer impossibility of his contortions made Cozy Glow briefly grow sick. Ann merely beamed with utter happiness at seeing her Dad go through his morning stretches once again. Sure, there were fewer fireworks and tangerines, but she was just glad to see him alive once more.
Finally, Discord seemed to complete his transformation to flesh, and let out a long and languid yawn while scratching at his back. He finished up by smacking his lips and squinting at the state of things around him.
“Hm,” he said, finally, “Took you long enough, my little rounding error.”
“Dad!” Ann threw herself at her father, which proved somewhat disastrous. Both Draconequus and Ponequus collapsed into the statue-crowd, toppling the chair Discord had been strapped to and sending them both to the floor.
Ann grinned sheepishly. “Um… I might have… gained a few inches…”
She got a paw ruffling her hair in response, as well as a low, happy chuckle, “I’ll say. Growth spurts hit earlier and earlier; it would seem. I blame video games.”
Ann giggled, “Yeah, because plumbers hopping on turtle shells means the downfall of society!”
Cozy frowned. “What?”
Discord, however, smiled. He reached out, hugged his little girl, and planted a kiss right on the top of her mane.
“And the fact that you get that reference,” he said, choking up as he leaned back, “makes this all worth it.”
Father and daughter giggled together in shared bliss… for about another ten seconds. Which was just long enough for Ann to realize what her father had said.
“What… do you mean, this?”
Discord’s eyes widened.
“Dad…?” Ann’s voice took on a worryingly agitated tone, a tone that, the old Draconequus was reminded, usually meant he’d done something wrong.
“W-well I… I just meant that this situation was… quite trying for you. And that, if nothing else, your ability to see the Fourth Wall was a resounding success… I mean, consolation… oh…”
The slap which heralded Cozy face-hoofing caused Ann and Discord to turn around towards the filly.
“Really!? You engineered this whole situation?” she glowered from under her curly blue mane, “Didn’t you learn last time!?”
“Oh, Cozy Glow,” Discord rose up off the floor and walked over to his least favorite pony, “How horrible to see you again. I was only partially rooting for the puppets, you know…”
“Dad…”
“Alright! Fine! I knew this was going to happen!” the Lord of Chaos folded his arms in a pout, “Happy?”
Ann, standing as tall as her father, stood right next to him and glared as she shouted, “Not really! Did you know Grampa was gonna let me resurrect a supervillain!?”
“Of course not! I just…” Discord pondered how he was going to put this, “I just realized that your ultimate moment of character growth was upon you, and that I had to cede the reins of Main Character-hood over to you for this one.”
Cozy Glow frowned, again. “What?”
Ann stared into her father’s eyes, crimson on crimson. Hers narrowed in suspicion, bushy white eyebrows furrowing more and more…
Until she smiled, warmly, “Alright! All’s forgiven.”
Cozy scowled. “WHAT!?”
“Yup,” Ann said, simply, “He didn’t know about you until he got here. It’s still… well, my fault…”
“Tut-tut, my dear!” Discord declared, lifting his nose in an imperious fashion, “The Lord… sorry, Princess of Chaos apologizes to nocreature… Except your mother,” he grinned.
Ann blanched, “You… you heard all that?”
A tiny, Alicorn Big Macintosh zipped by their heads, dragging behind him a banner which read: “Eeyup”.
Ann scrunched up her face at this.
“Wait… I have all your magic. How…?”
Discord picked up a half-eaten carton of popcorn from Ann’s movie theater jaunt, and started snacking, much to Cozy’s confusion and disgust.
“You haven’t been paying much attention then,” he waved one claw about, “There’s so much residual Chaos flying around now because of you, I probably could have gotten loose myself, give or take another hour. Still, I’m happy you decided to do it early.”
“So am I,” Ann sighed, relieved. Then, her face lit up as she remembered her purpose. She quickly started making chewing sounds with her mouth, before blowing what appeared to be a huge, grey-blue bubble. Cozy balked at the sight, but had by now lost any reason to be surprised at all by the goings-on around her, so she kept quiet.
The ‘bubble’ popped… revealing Grogar’s Bell, whole and well, in Ann’s hooves. She eagerly held it out for her father to see.
He saw. He also just stared at the bell like it had just asked him about the weather.
Discord coughed. Cozy frowned. Ann… kept smiling, despite her face beginning to ache.
“So…” she said, “I guess you can take back your magic now, and fix everything.”
The Draconequus looked back up into his daughter’s eyes.
“And… why would I do that?”
Cozy lay down on the floor, and decided to just stop caring for a while. It would surely hurt less.
“What do you mean… ‘why’?” Ann spoke slowly, trying, despite her very nature, to be as calm and logical as possible. There was, surely, an explanation forthcoming.
“I mean, why?” Discord shrugged, “You’re the Pony of Chaos. I have every confidence in your ability to fix up Cheese before you have to wake up Mama Ponkers.”
With that, Discord walked over to his former seat, and laid back in his chair, scarfing a few more bits of chocolate-gummi-popcorn mix while Ann looked on.
And boy… did she look on. Ann’s body didn’t move an inch, save for the sudden twitch in her left eyelid, and the funny way her hooves started gripping the Bewitching Bell. After a solid minute of this, the twitching had moved down to her tail, and her whole body shook with an unvoiced scream.
Until she voiced it, of course.
“WHAT!?”
“Not so loud!” Discord sighed, “The acoustics in here are quite good…”
Ann nearly bowled her father over as she came to a screeching halt before him.
“What… what do you mean by this!?” her eyes had widened to the size of Cozy now, “I can’t do this on my own!”
Discord tilted his head, “I mean… I’m retired. Simple as that.”
In the deafening silence that followed, he waved one paw towards the ceiling, which vanished in a flash to reveal the strange, spiraling sky of pink and black.
“Love what you’ve done with the place, by the by,” he chuckled, “New Management, new ideas! I can’t believe I never thought of it before.”
“But, Dad!” Ann whined like the filly she was, deep down, and tried to press the Bell into her father’s arms, “I… you can’t be retired! You’re the Spirit of Chaos!”
“Sorry to break this to you,” Discord shrugged, and pushed the Bell aside, “But if Sunbutt and Moony Loony can retire, so can I.”
Discord leaned back in his seat, somehow fully extending the folding chair, complete with a foot-rest. As he crossed his arms behind his back in a show of obvious comfort, he leisurely explained, “It’s how things go, after all. I was the master of my craft. I did the whole ‘Lord of Chaos’ thing for untold ages, until my apprentice came of age and supplanted me.
“You, my dearest dice pool,” he threw Ann a deeply contented grin, “You’ve achieved what I always knew you could. You are Chaos! Every parent wants to see their child surpass them, and you’ve done it in record time. Well done, by the way.”
Cozy poked her head up at this, “Wait… but you’re immortal. Why can’t you just…?”
An anvil, out of seemingly nowhere, slammed into the ground next to the pegasus filly, causing her to jump nearly twice her height and dive for cover.
“Anyway…” Discord continued, smirking slightly, “The student must surpass the master, the child their parent. Otherwise, the whole Sequence of Progressive Narrative comes undone. We’d have utter and complete Order on our hands!
“Can’t you see it now?” he threw himself forward, eyes wide open, arms outstretched, “Stories would start, progress, and end in the completely wrong order! There’d be no progression, just flat characters having flat, predictable adventures! Growth and change are needed for stories to be interesting.”
“I…” Ann shook her head, “I kind of get it, alright? I do. But…”
“Ann, my little Ann,” Discord sighed, happily, “I’m not going to stop being retired. This has been my end-goal for a while now. I’m completely satisfied with you taking over.”
Ann licked her lips, and started looking about the statue crowd, as if she could find an answer there. She returned her attention to Discord shortly, and said, “But, I need you, Dad. I need help! I… I can’t help Cheese. My Chaos doesn’t fix stuff. All I can do is make things worse, or weird. Or… different.”
Tears bloomed in her eyes, and a pressure every bit as heavy as stone and as hot as the sun sank in her chest. Ann’s voice became a strained whisper as she said, “Dad… I need help. I need you to help me. I don’t… I don’t know why you won’t. Are you… are you mad at me?”
Discord’s eyes narrowed into a half-lidded, focused stare. He idly chewed a mouthful of popcorn, never taking his eyes off his little filly.
“Ann,” he said, finally, with eyes closed, “I could never…”
His eyes opened, and a silly look came over the Draconequus. “Alright, well… I’ve been mad at you before, and this isn’t like then at all. Suffice to say, I could never be truly angry with you… not enough so that I wouldn’t do everything in my power to help you.
“Yes,” he reached out and held her cheek in the palm of his claw, “I daresay, I’d do far, far worse than anything you tried to do today, if it meant protecting a single hair on your beautiful head.”
He took a long, deep breath here, and exhaled it slowly. His smile was warm, and it felt to Ann like a marshmallow drenched in warm maple syrup giving her a hug as he looked upon her with unreserved pride and love. She nuzzled into his claw, and for a moment, she could remember that first time he’d held her like that, moments after she came into being. She could feel the love in him for her, even before she knew the words to describe it.
But then, his gaze became fragile, touched by a distant sadness. His claw fell away, and he walked back towards the crowd of statues, leaving Ann frozen in place, a look of terrible loss in her eyes.
“But… this is me helping.” He sat back in his chair, and folded his arms in front of his chest. “You have everything you need. I truly… truly believe in you.
“It’s time you learned to believe in yourself too.”
Silence returned to the throne room. Discord quietly sat in his chair, nibbling on the strange, popcorn concoction as he did so, not a care in the world if one judged by his contented smile. Cozy Glow paced lightly in circles on the other side of Ann from Discord, finding it a slightly better waste of her time than simply laying down and waiting for the two Chaos Gods to figure out what they needed.
Ann just… stood there. She hadn’t moved a muscle.
It wasn’t even clear if Ann was aware her father had sat down. She stood before him, eyes closed, and ears twitching hither and thither as she thought. Cozy could tell the Ponequus was having a little war in her own mind, mulling over plans, motives, ideas, and such things. She’d seen that same look on the faces of more than a few ponies as she put them into ‘check’. Metaphorically and literally.
After a few minutes of this, the pegasus filly grew bored and started looking about the room again for either a distraction or an inspiration. Her eyes immediately fell onto the chair holding up the pile of dust and pebbles that used to be Cheese Pie.
“Well,” she tapped her hooves on the stone floor, “I guess, worst case scenario, we could always get some glue and…”
“You volunteering, Cozy?” Anarchy snarled, a venomous glare shooting over her shoulder.
Cozy, deciding that discretion was the better part of valor, leapt headfirst into a confetti pile and kept still for a long, long time thereafter.
Ann’s eyes focused on the little mound of chopped-up paper and string. Not for any particular ire towards Cozy, however. By now, Ann wasn’t sure exactly where she stood with her once tormentor and recent tormentee.
But that little joke, that innocent… if poorly thought-out… jest was just the ultimate, final straw. The camel had been weighted down to the breaking point with loss, after loss, after disappointment, after crushed and disheartened dream, only for a little ribbing to finally snap his spine and make this a horrifying metaphor in Ann’s opinion.
She felt the tears burning her cheeks before she realized she’d been breathing heavily.
And to confuse the metaphor just a bit more, Ann felt the dam finally give out.
She screamed, an unearthly wail of inconsolable fury, and smashed her grampa’s bell into the ground with both forehooves. The bell gave out a weak, warped cry as it bounced away, and Ann let loose all that had built up in her heart.
“It’s not fair!” she cried, cracking the floor with a hard stomp, “I try to follow my destiny, and it all goes wrong. Then, I try to fix what I did… and it still goes wrong! My friends are stone!”
Dust fell from the rafters as she stomped again.
“Cheese is gone!”
The stain-glass windows shook, and their occupants cowered.
Ann fell to her belly, her legs covering her streaming eyes in shame. “This is all my fault. Everything’s gone wrong because of me… what will they think? What will they say when I… when I have to tell everypony…?”
“Darling!” a voice accustomed to the trappings of high society snarled, “We are all very disappointed in how you’ve behaved!”
“Fer sure,” another joined in, a drawling voice that felt heavy with condemnation, “Ye only caused trouble fer all of us.”
Cozy’s ears perked up as she heard those voices, those incredibly familiar voices. She poked her head up…
And immediately sat back down. She’d seen a lot today. Far, far more than she’d ever want to remember, in fact. Right now, at the top of her list of things to forget about, was a complete set of her old professors surrounding Ann, glaring into her soul with those soulless Discord-eyes of theirs.
“Nope,” she whispered, “Nope. Nope. Nope…”
“I’m sorry,” Ann whispered to herself, not daring to look up, “I’m sorry…”
Rainbow Dash’s voice cut her to the bone, “Apologizin’ isn’t gonna bring back Cheese, now is it? You can forget about those private flying lessons, by the way. I don’t want you anywhere near my skies!”
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
“I’m sorry too, Anarchy… but for such crimes as you have committed, the only punishment suitable would be to banish you to the moon…”
“…sorry… sorry…”
Discord watched this all with a placid face, betraying nothing of his thoughts. He watched the phantoms of Ann’s mind dance around her in an accusatory gyre with the practiced eye of a master observing his student’s final demonstration.
He’d quite forgotten all about the popcorn.
Smaller hooves clicked on the ground before Ann. The sound caused her to peak out of her huddled defense, and she quickly beheld a pair of furry fetlocks.
“We told you,” Shady shook his head, flames licking at the edges of his mane, “We told you, but you didn’t listen. You were so selfish, so self-absorbed that you never even considered what your supposed friends were trying to tell you…”
“No, Shady…” Ann sniffed, and tried to wipe her face dry, “It… it wasn’t like that…”
An elegant mezzo, tainted by wroth, snarled, “Oh, but my dear! That’s precisely how it was!”
“Pearl,” Ann stood up, but her once-friends still towered over her, “I didn’t mean…”
“You never meant anything, you are quite correct,” Pearl snapped, and looked away with her yellow and crimson eyes, “How could we have thought you were really our friend, when you so clearly only listen to your own chaotic whims?”
Ann’s body shook from another unvoiced sob. “But… I… I never…”
“It’s all about you, then?” Moon walked around the Ponequus, his own eyes hidden by his sunglasses again, but not the utter contempt that beamed out of them. “Cheese is dead because of you, and you keep making it about yourself?”
“No!” she quailed. Ann’s legs gave out, and she fell back to the floor, tears staining the stone as well as her own fetlocks. She couldn’t hold them back. All she could do was let them go, and shudder beneath the hateful gaze of her friends and family.
She knew Pinkie was watching her. That terrible gaze she knew she could never face. From so many feet away, she could feel it, like the sun burning through the clouds.
I killed her son…
The tears, and the weeping cries, did not stop. They couldn’t. They never would. Without friends, what point was there in stopping?
I wish I’d never been born. At least then, no one else would be sad…
Another clatter of hooves sounded before her, but Ann was too weary, too resigned to her fate to look up at yet another vengeful ghost. She simply waited to receive its justified hate.
The voice though, was soft. Gentle, even.
“Ann?” Cheese said, as though Ann were the one who was hurt, “Do… do you really think so little of us?”
At the sound of those words, Ann’s eyes opened. With halting, choked breaths, she looked up. Looking back, she could see a pair of warm, open eyes.
Green eyes. Green like the fields of grass around Ponyville. Green like the color he’d turned when Ann had first shown him what a rollercoaster designed by Chaos could do. Green like life. Green like living things.
Cheese smiled.
“If nothing else,” he chuckled, “I hope you don’t think so little of yourself.”
Ann licked her lips, and swallowed another sob before it could catch her.
“But Cheese,” she whispered, “It was my fault.”
He shrugged, “Eh. Not the way I saw it. Stuff happens, you know?”
“No,” Ann sighed, “I don’t know.”
At this, Cheese laughed. And it was a kind laugh. The type of laugh that Ann missed hearing, oh so much.
“Ann, you turned your grampa to stone the day we met! You don’t think I knew what I was getting into by being your friend?”
She briefly thought back to that moment, when she’d decided that having her grampa follow her and Cheese to the park was more a hassle than it was worth, and… despite herself, she giggled.
“But you got shattered…”
“And?” Cheese lightly punched her shoulder, “If living with my mom has taught me anything, it’s that when you pick your friends, you’re picking an adventure for life. And… sometimes those get a little dangerous, but they’re always worth it in the end!”
He turned, and with a quick gesture, brought Shady, and Pearl, and Moon back. Their scowls faded as they approached, and soft smiles settled on their faces.
“We could never hate you, Ann,” Cheese said, wrapping his forelegs around the others’ shoulders, “We love you too much.
“And,” he added, slowly lifting his gaze up, “Neither could she.”
Ann, tears of another nature still falling from her eyes, felt the shadow fall across her. But it didn’t come with terror, or sadness, or ill-feeling, or anything like that. As that shadow covered her sight, Ann could only feel a sense of calm and peace overtake her.
She turned around, and came face to face with the last pony she had wanted to see, but the one she knew she absolutely needed to.
“My little Anarchy,” Fluttershy’s tears, pooling in her eyes, matched Ann’s own, warmth for warmth, “Oh, how I missed you.”
Ann swallowed, and sniffed, “You… you’re not… mad?”
Fluttershy didn’t answer, at first. She just leaned forward, and wrapped her daughter in her forelegs. Then, her wings joined in the loving hug, and both mares settled their heads into the crooks of each other’s’ necks.
Neither seemed to mind the feeling of warm tears landing on their shoulders.
“I could never be mad,” her mother cooed, “Not as long as you remember who you are.”
“But…” Ann trembled, “Who am I?”
Ann could actually hear Fluttershy’s smile.
“You’re exactly who you’re supposed to be. Chaos… and Kindness. You’re creative, and fun, and you love your friends dearly. You want them to be happy, even if you’re unhappy. But you’re willing to fight for them, when you have to.”
She chuckled, “Maybe you fight a little too often, but I still love that about you.”
Ann nuzzled deeper into her mother’s embrace, and smiled. But, after a moment, that smiled strained.
“Mom?”
Fluttershy hummed, questioningly.
“Are… are you real?”
“She’s every bit as real as the part of her that’s in you, kid,” Discord wrapped his way around the two, trapping Ann in the most Draconequus of hugs.
“We all are, dear,” Pearl joined in, as did Flawless. As did Beau, and Shady. Moon and Dib joined, and Goldie, and Pinkie, and Apple Bloom, and Silver Spoon, and Cheese, and on, and on, and on.
Ann stood in the center of a hug that spanned time and space. Even if it wasn’t, strictly speaking, real… well, that had never stopped something from still mattering.
“What can I do?” Ann whispered. “What can I do to fix this?”
She felt her mother’s kiss, just atop her mane.
“Be yourself, my love,” she said, the sighing wind of Chaos billowing all around them, “Be wild. Be proud. Be brave, and wonderful, and loving, and free.
“But most of all…” Fluttershy’s voice began to fade, as did all of the spirits conjured there. Ann stood alone, save for her father, who remained wrapped around her in his hug. And save for a little pink filly, who tried to hide her red-rimmed eyes behind a pile of confetti.
And the last echoes of the Fluttershy within could still be heard.
“… be kind.”
Ann’s tears stopped. If she had more to shed, they would come another time. But for now, her eyes closed, she smiled, and felt… for the first time… complete.
Discord unwrapped himself from her, and stood off to one side, a hopeful grin playing on his mismatched features. He carefully draped a cape of red, trimmed in white and black ermine over Ann’s shoulders. And then, he set a soft, red crown atop her head.
She looked to him, and smiled.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Anytime.”
She squared her shoulders, and faced the silent crowd. Ann’s eyes locked onto the pile of stone that had once been… and soon would again be… her friend. Pink flames came to life around her, and slowly gathered strength.
Even Cozy could feel the air pressure shift. Chaos was moving, and flowing like never before. The world seemed to hum with it, in a strange yet beautiful harmony. The building light almost burned as it swirled about the Ponequus, but Cozy would not see what would happen next.
Discord dropped a pair of sunglasses over her eyes.
“Trust me,” his own were, naturally, 3-D glasses, “You’ll need it.”
Ann held up one wing, which set itself ready to snap. She would say one more thing, and then no more, her voice thrumming with untold power, even as the world held its breath.
“I, Princess Anarchy, First of My Name, Seneschal of Serendipity, Lady of Lunacy, Empress of Nothing, Queen of Never Were, Princess of Chaos…
“… do hereby ABDICATE!!!”
And with that, snapped.
13 - The Pony of Chaos, Part 6 - The Return of Anarchy
“Well, that was fun.” Screwball stands up from your couch and tosses the bag of popcorn she brought with her over her shoulder. It explodes into tiny, screaming piñatas as she slurps the extra bits of greasy butter from her hooves.
She goes to shake your hand. You’d rather not. She seems to understand.
“Hey, no offense taken, dude,” she laughs. She instead wipes her hooves off on your cat. The cat has no idea what’s happening, but it’s offended on principle.
Screwball takes a quick look around the place, seemingly making sure she isn’t forgetting anything. She probably has, but you’ll find that out tomorrow when you find an entire manatee sleeping in your bathtub.
“Thanks again for letting me crash here,” Screwball says, “But I gotta get back and help Spitfire pull Cloudsdale into a non-decaying orbit. Don’t want to seem unneighborly. So, have a nice day!”
As she climbs back into your computer, she turns to give you a bit of a stink-eye.
“Oh, and erase your browser history, for goodness sake. An innocent pony could be reading this!”
“—choo!”
Starlight Glimmer appeared exactly where she had been standing only a few hours before, looking over a magical time crystal in her office. Her horn and forehead hurt where she’d accidentally struck the crystal as she sneezed, but other than being a mild annoyance, she wasn’t too put out by it.
The light level had dimmed somewhat in the office, which caught Starlight’s attention only after a few more minutes of study, as she started having to squint to see her written notes.
“Huh,” she glanced out the window, inspecting the weather, “That storm must’ve been a rush order. It came completely out of nowhere. And it’s… pink?”
Starlight continued to stare for another minute, before she heard the door to her office open, and the sound of her daughter laughing.
“Oh Mom!” the pink unicorn trotted merrily in, a seashell necklace around her neck and a CHS sports cap on her head, “I had the best time with Sunset! I can’t believe… uh, Mom?”
Luster watched as her mother walked slowly up to a rather large crystal sitting on her desk, and with a simple flick of her magic sent it tumbling into the nearby trash bin.
“Uh… what happened?”
“Never use time magic…”
“What? I just…”
“NEVER!”
The throne room had been utterly silent, save for the occasional rant and rave, following Ann’s coronation. Stone statues didn’t have much to say, after all, and couldn’t do much more than exist wherever they had been placed. But now that the pink light of Chaos had fully faded into spots, swimming in front of everycreature’s eyes, the room began to stir with life.
Guardponies started, shock and confusion adding a light timbre to the air. Servants and staff added a little more urgency and energy to the sound, more fear and anxiety to them than the trained soldiers who were now alerted to some sort of danger which had befallen them.
Pinkie Pie, letting out a held breath, pulled a small cannon out of her mane, completing the action she’d set herself to perform right at the start of all this, and broke the baffled murmuring with a loud thundercrack of confetti and streamers.
And a banner. A banner which dropped from the ceiling, along with another round of confetti and party balloons the staff were certain hadn’t been there before. A banner which read:
CONGRATULATIONS ON NOT BEING THE BAD GUY, ANN!!!
Cozy Glow, not even surprised at this point, took a few ginger steps back towards the statue of her two prior partners in crime, still standing to one side of the throne itself, strangely ignored by the crowd at the moment, and hoped nopony would notice her quite yet. It was probably for the best if she laid low and observed whatever was going to happen next…
A groan followed the eruption of frivolity and colorful paper bits. It was a notable groan, as it had come from the Princess of Friendship herself, seated almost front and center of the formerly stone crowd.
Twilight Sparkle shook her head, trying to get her mind restarting after the odd nap she’d… just…
“What happened?” she asked nocreature in particular. She took note of the dozens of guards and servants sitting behind her, and gave the whole room a cursory glance as she tried to take in as much information as she could about whatever was going on. The last few minutes for her were a bit of a blur.
“Weren’t we in the Vault…?”
“Oh, Spikey-Wikey!”
Everypony turned to the end of the front row, where the Royal Advisor himself had a particularly famous fashionista draped about him, and who at that very moment was smothering the swole purple dragon with appreciative kiss after kiss.
“You leapt in front of her to save me!” Rarity swooned as she pecked the area around her favorite dragon’s muzzle repeatedly, “How gallant! How brave!”
“How… about we do this somewhere nopony else can see us?” Gallant and brave, though he might be, Spike had at least some inkling that he and his very favorite pony had the attention of a very large number of other ponies the pair of them had sworn never to let in on this very specific thing which was happening.
“Oh?” Rarity’s star-filled eyes took in her savior… and then, with a blush so deep and red that even Big Macintosh would have been surprised, took in the audience she’d suddenly accrued, “Oh… ohhhhhh…”
Princess Twilight shook some of the ache out of her head, and asked nocreature in particular, “What, exactly, is going on?”
“Teach!” Celeste leapt up out of her seat and ignited her horn’s magic… then paused to admire that fact for several long seconds before continuing, “Uh, I mean Princess! It was Cozy Glow! She…!”
A clatter of chairs drowned the unicorn out, as Rainbow Dash jumped into the air so hard it blew over her own seat. She hovered near Twilight, her nostrils flared with righteous indignation and fury.
“She was an Alicorn again! She’d turned all of you to stone when me an’ Applejack…”
Her eyes flashed with realization… and then scowled with even more fury.
“She could have hurt my baby…”
This pronouncement, as heated as it had been, was promptly followed by a party horn unfurling through one ear and out the other. Rainbow squirmed at the sensation and cried out in a panic, only to be stopped in her tracks by her attacker’s tightening hug.
“Ooooh!” Pinkie squee’d, “I know that I already knew that, but now I can say it out loud! Congratulations!!!”
“Now, Pinkie…” Applejack was about to try and calm down her cousin-however-many-times-removed… but then thought better of it and let her continue to squeeze Dash tight as a snake in a boot. Best way to keep both from causing more trouble.
But now, once the initial shock had worn off, the guards were up out of their chairs, and the cacophony began. Gallus shouted orders for his guards to spread out and to hunt for the pink Alicorn who had eluded them. Servants and staff cried out in terror at the very thought of such a monster lurking around. Pinkie Pie teased Rarity mercilessly, Applejack tried talking sense to her wife to land and listen to her for once, and Celeste was shouting at Abacus and her mages to help in the search.
All of which only contributed to the horrendous pounding behind Twilight’s horn. She could remember something striking the back of her head, but little else. The pain was a constant, throbbing reminder of getting blindsided, and it wouldn’t let her forget.
The Princess took a deep breath, and braced herself for what she had to do.
“ENOUGH!”
The Royal Canterlot Voice hit the air like a heavy drum, reverberating through the very stone and marble that made up the room, rattling the chairs and windows in equal measure. Every ear flattened; every tail tucked under.
The Princess regretted it instantly. Her head was swimming at that point, and it looked like there was no end at all in sight.
But then, she heard a polite cough behind her. As the Princess turned, she was instantly confronted with a pair of eyes at her own level. This was startling, and for two reasons. First, Twilight had started getting used to the idea that she was just about the tallest pony around. And second, she was startled by whose eyes they were.
“Ann?”
The fully-grown Ponequus stood at the front of the whole crowd, bashfully hiding behind a strand of her mane and kicking lightly at the stone floor. She grinned, sheepishly, and gave the Princess a pained look.
Discord remained in his own chair, quietly stroking the mane of an incredibly relaxed-looking Fluttershy sitting beside him. He had his own relaxed smile on, and a large, foam hand over his claw, which declared Ann to be the ‘Numbah One’ Ponequus.
He gave a ‘whoop’, which distracted Ann and the Princess for a moment.
Ann coughed, and started again, after shooting her father a slightly annoyed look. “Y-yeah… it’s me.” She gasped, realizing she’d forgotten something important, and then bowed her head in respect, “Your Majesty…”
But Twilight pushed through Ann’s attempted pleasantries with a shake of her head, and said, “No need for that… Ann. Just what is going on here? How are you…?”
“ANN!!!” a chorus of colt and filly voices rang out. A small herd, made up of Pearl, Shady, Goldie, Flawless, Beau, Dib, and Moon rushed out of the confused mob before coming to a skidding halt before the much, much taller Ann.
“My goodness!” Pearl pressed a hoof to her cheek in shock, “How long were we out!?”
Ann allowed herself a light chuckle, “Oh, don’t worry! This isn’t normal. You’ve only been gone an hour.”
Moon cut in, eyes flashing and darting about, “What about Cozy? What happened?”
“I can explain…” Ann began. But, as she said it, her words failed her. Her eyes slowly grew and her pupils shrank. Despite her friends, and the confused interest of the Princess herself, Ann’s focus was suddenly on somepony entirely different.
The crowd parted… and all eyes were on a little yellow colt with a mountain of frizzy, pink mane atop his head. The pink mane was, however, cut by a single silvery-white curl that swept up from root to tip. He wore a gentle smile on his lips, and met Ann gaze-for-gaze.
“So,” he said, eyes looking up to the strange addition to his look, “As you can see, the stripe doesn’t move, no matter what direction I do. All in all, a nice improvement, thanks!”
He demonstrated this quirk, tilting his head left and right, up and down. The silver-stripe followed without rotating to properly keep itself aligned.
Cheese’s mother, Pinkie Pie, rushed over to inspect it.
“Ooh!” she tittered and poked at the stripe, “That’s pretty weird! It’s a great souvenir!”
“I know, right!?” Cheese laughed, “Plus! Nana Pie told me her Fudge-and-Raspberry recipe! So, now I can make it like she tried to teach you!”
“Gah!” Pinkie whooped, “Double Souvenir!!!”
“Souvenir?” Flawless frowned, “What?”
Both Pies said, as one, “From being Dead, silly!”
As mother and son giggled, a new shadow fell over them. Cheese looked up, and continued to give his brightest, warmest smile as Ann leaned down to scoop him up in her forelegs.
Ann pulled Cheese into a tight hug.
“I’m so, so sorry,” she whispered, tears leaking down her face.
Cheese didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. He just hugged his friend back, intending to hold on as long as she needed him.
The hug lasted a few more moments. Nocreature wanted to interrupt, despite the confusion and the seriousness of the mysterious situation playing out all around the impromptu audience. They could all sense something had happened, even if they didn’t know precisely what.
But then, there was the Princess Twilight, who’s irritation at not knowing something had reached its boiling point.
“Indeed!” a regal voice cried out from the throne room doors, “We should like that as well!”
Every head swiveled in place, and every jaw dropped, as the two former Princesses of Equestria strode into the throne room, wings outstretched, and faces set into unreadable masks. They were clearly ready to fight, and at a moment’s notice. Celestia stood at the fore, with Luna taking a place at her sister’s side, while a trio of far less familiar creatures followed in their wake.
And then, Rainy Blaze cheered.
“Shady!”
“Dad!”
“Mama?”
“Pearl!”
The exchange was so rapid, that it took several of the guards another moment to realize they’d just let an unknown kirin male and a pink-maned unicorn mare fly right past the Princesses and then their impromptu barrier. Not having been specifically ordered to stop said kirin and unicorn, and seeing the warm, fuzzy looks on the Princesses’ faces, the guards collectively decided this was above their pay grade to care about.
The two parents nuzzled their foals and held them close, overwhelmed with joy at having their little ones safe and sound again.
At least, until Twinkleshine was sure her little Pearl was safe.
“Pearl!” she snapped rather suddenly, “How could you go running off like that? And with some… supervillain of all things!?”
Rainy, letting Shady lay atop his back, squinted quizzically. “Um, didn’t we do that too?”
“T-that’s not the same at all!” Twinkleshine sputtered in reply.
“It kind of is…” Luna muttered beneath her breath, to which her sister gave only a stern ‘shushing’. She then turned her eyes back to the third creature who’d followed them into the throne room.
Grogar stood as still as a statue, his head downcast. This did little to hide the large lump left on the crown of his head, but he also quite clearly had lost the ability to care. The old ram radiated a sort of pained heartache that even the earth pony guards eyeing him warily could sense.
The Princesses watched him sulk with some concern. He may have never been a fully reformed creature… nor repentant towards any of his many, many crimes, but he had at least been good company for the two sisters during their first decades in retirement, and they both felt for what he was probably going through now… and felt for all those who might suffer if his mood took him to a darker place.
But, after a few moments, Grogar shifted. Countless eons had passed for the ancient ram. Mountains had risen and fallen. Seas had filled in and dried out. Even in the despondent state he found himself in, the abyss of ages granted a sense of inertia that kept him moving, in spite of himself.
As Grogar approached the others, who all eyed him with some amount of suspicion, or outright hostility, in Discord’s case, he never raised his own eyes above knee-height.
“Grampa?”
The voice wasn’t the same, but he already knew who had spoken. Slowly, Grogar looked up. And up. And up, until he finally found the face he’d feared to never find again. Or at least, to never find again with a smile meant for him.
But there it was. And there she was. A smile that could have burned away a storm cloud. And it was all for him, in that moment. Ann simply smiled.
He had no right, he knew. No right to that smile. And so, he looked away.
“Ann,” he said, his voice more gravely, and more growling than it had been in a dragon’s age, “I…”
Grogar, the Father of Monster, the Nec-ram-ancer, the Dark Lord and the Dreaded Ram, did not apologize. Such a thing as contrition went against nature itself. It went against everything he’d ever stood for, or believed in.
“I’m… I’m so—”
He never finished the word. His throat had suddenly seized up, constricted. He didn’t find that he minded, however.
Ann’s hugs were very tight… but welcome.
“It’s okay,” she whispered, “There’s time to work on that later. Right now… I’m just glad you’re here.”
But time waited for no ram, and after indulging in his grandfoal’s affections for several seconds, he could not help but wish to finish what had begun with his inaction.
“And where,” he snarled, eyes taking in the statue of the Elements of Disharmony, “is Cozy Glow…?”
Guards, servants, foals, parents, and the Elements Bearers themselves all tensed at the question, ears open and eyes attentive to learn what had befallen their greatest foe… and then all of the aforementioned creatures stared anxiously as the Ponequus of Chaos began to laugh.
Ann’s laughter wasn’t an overpowering belly laugh, nor a dainty titter. She chuckled and chortled in a way anycreature familiar with Rainbow Dash would take to mean the chair they were about to sit in had a tack on its seat, or that the innocent sandwich before them had a brick in place of sun-dried tomatoes. It instantly set everycreature’s hackles to a standing position.
“Well, funny you should mention that…” Ann made a comically loud pop sound with her mouth, and a flash of pink light summoned up the little pegasus filly herself. She was held in a pink aura, right in front of the statue she was once part of, and in a position to perfectly display that very fact to the assembled crowd.
An assembled crowd who now alternated between fear, confusion, shock, and raw, unfiltered anger.
“Uh…” Cozy gulped audibly, and tried to wave to her audience without giving away her own terror, “Hiya folks… long time, no see, Princess…”
Shortly thereafter, things went into motion. Gallus took his guards from the throne room and began a major sweep of the Palace to ensure nopony had been left frozen, and to reassure any fidgety ponies around that the Equestrian government hadn’t been taken out or foalnapped… again, that is. The griffon also secretly worried that some other ancient and not-so-ancient evils had escaped alongside Cozy.
It would just about be his luck, after all.
The staff swiftly went to work tidying up the hall before Pinkie Pie gave them all new, secret orders. Orders that involved a lot of cake, confetti, and Mexicolt tacos. When one chef, incensed at the food choice, protested, he found himself suddenly unemployed, and the rest of the kitchen staff were thoroughly cowed.
Finally, while Abacus Cinch tried to reorganize the mages to re-secure the Starlight Vault, Celeste and a thoroughly confused and sleepy Flurry Heart were sent on ahead to help with whatever crisis had befallen Cloudsdale, who had finally managed to send out a distress via dragonfire. Notably, their first teleport landed them in Cloudsdale’s music-district, the Rainbow Rocks. Flurry Heart was blamed, naturally.
Which left just Ann’s friends, her family, the other Element Bearers, and three Princesses of Equestria to hear her entire tale, unabridged. Cozy Glow sat beside the haunted Ponequus, one hindleg chained to the Elements of Disharmony itself.
“So…?” the little filly sighed, and glared up at her captor, “Guess there’s no chance of getting a snack before the interrogation? I haven’t eaten in… oh, twenty years…”
Ann shrugged, a gloomy look on her features betraying how she felt about having to tell everypony about what had happened, “I wouldn’t worry about it. This is prime montage-material right here. We won’t even notice the time fly by.”
Cozy rolled her eyes, “Right, ask a crazy question…”
Then, a thoughtful look came over her.
“Um… before we start though,” she glanced meaningfully towards Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, who were seated together between Applejack and Discord. A few chairs had been kept to seat what was quickly becoming a sort of ad hoc court case, with the three Alicorn Princesses as judges, and the other Bearers as the jury itself.
The two pegasi were chatting amicably while everycreature else got comfortable. They were also giving each other a quick preening, checking each other’s wings for damage or loose plumage. Their partners were definitely aware of how important such a thing was, having lived with them for so long, but there were still some things only a pegasus could help another pegasus with.
Ann followed Cozy’s eyes… and then seemed to wince as she realized what that meant.
“Oh, sorry!” she drew up one wing, and gave a quick snap of her ‘fingers’. There was a flash of pink light that whipped around Cozy like a snow flurry, leaving behind a familiar twitching sensation in her withers.
Cozy spun around in place, and grabbed at her restored wings with both hooves. As best she could, the pegasus filly pulled her wings towards her and gave each one a bevy of smooching kisses, the joy of having them back outweighing any sense of shame she might have had.
And so, it began…
Under the stern, even emotionless, gaze of three Alicorns, Ann told of her desire for a Cutie Mark of her own, and what it had meant to her to think that Chaos had finally come through for her by hinting at Cozy’s imprisonment. Ann faithfully and honestly told of her friends’ warnings, and of how they forgave her despite her flagrant disregard for their safety and the safety of the world.
Yet, this was not what caused Twilight to balk first…
“You were conscious!?” Princess Twilight gaped, slack-jawed, at Cozy Glow, currently staring hungrily at a daffodil sandwich Pinkie Pie had pulled from her infinity-mane. “Like, really conscious? Fully aware? As a statue?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah,” she casually waved up to the statue, “Since day one. You kinda just… get used to it after a few months. Like, I’ve had a nose itch since the last time you had us boxed up…”
“But… but that’s horrible!”
Cozy shrugged, “It was. Tirek did okay, since his eyes were closed. Turns out staring at nothing is slightly better than staring at everything where eternity is concerned. We play chess every few months, whenever he stops screaming…”
Everycreature fell silent. Twilight stole a glance at the Princesses at her side, and did not look pleased by what she saw.
“Chrysalis was better about it,” Cozy hadn’t noticed Twilight’s ire, nor Celestia and Luna’s embarrassed hoof-tapping, “Dunno why, but she’s still sassy when she remembers her name…”
“Who?”
Tirek maintained his poker face admirably…
Celestia and Luna shared a shame-faced look. Then, Celestia coughed, blushing. Luna followed suit, finding a rather fascinating bit of ceiling to focus on.
Twilight’s eyes narrowed, much in the same way they used to whenever she’d caught Gallus chewing bubblegum in class.
“Princesses…?” her voice took on a warning tone.
“Honestly,” Luna said, avoiding eye contact, “We did not think you would mind…”
Celestia nodded, “I mean, Discord was aware while he was trapped in stone. You should have asked us to clarify which stone spell…”
“I DIDN’T THINK I HAD TO!!!”
Luna snapped back, “I was in the Moon for one thousand years! We tossed Tirek into Tartarus for millennia! This was a common punishment from when I was from, and nopony seemed to mind then!”
“Well it’s not now!” Twilight grit her teeth as she shouted, “How could you two not tell me!? I was going to give them parole in a few centuries! I assumed they’d sleep through it all, and could learn friendship in a world where they wouldn’t have the stigma of being former villains following them around since nocreature would remember… GAH!”
She swung her hooves dramatically about, “Now I gotta let them out soon or their brains will have turned to mush!”
She turned a stern expression back on her former mentor. “I honestly expected better from you two…”
“What about me?” Discord crossed his arms in a slight pout at being forgotten, “If you’ll recall, I helped turn them to stone. Aren’t you disappointed in me?”
Ignoring Cozy Glow’s dog-like growl, the Princess merely sighed and said, “Discord, I actually do expect that sort of thing from you.”
“See?” he laughed and nudged a tittering Fluttershy, “What’d I tell you? Set the bar low enough, and they’ll let you get away with anything around here…!”
“She were an Apple?” Applejack frowned at the mention of Grogar’s resurrected minion. That revelation drew more than a few concerned looks from the others in attendance. Especially…
“She’s a zombie!?” Rainbow Dash lifted herself almost ten feet up with a single flap of her wings, only to be brought back down with her tail caught in Applejack’s teeth. Fluttershy shivered beside her friend, tail wrapping its worried way around Discord’s paw as the thought of a real zombie went through her mind.
“It was not a zombie,” Grogar rolled his eyes.
Fluttershy peeked out from between her feathers, which now covered her head, “S-she’s n-not?”
The Dread Ram nodded, “Twas a Revenant. A far more laborious use of my dark powers. A dead creature returned to a state of unlife. I am, frankly, insulted that my work is compared to a mere ‘zombie’…”
“Pretty sure that’s not what they’re complaining about…” Cozy grumbled, a smirk on her lips.
Rainy Blaze, sitting with his son, tilted his head slightly and said, “She seemed nice, actually.”
Applejack frowned, “The… zombie?”
“Frosted,” Twinkleshine said, sitting with Pearl and fussing with her mane, “Her name was Frosted Apple, and yes. She did seem nice. A bit blunt…”
“She hit me with a shovel.”
“… but nice.” Twinkleshine frowned as well, “Poor thing. She just wants to get back to her family. Mentioned a cousin, Green Smith. Anypony you know, Applejack?”
Applejack exchanged a look with Dash, and absent-mindedly touched the shawl around her shoulders. “I might…”
“Well, that’s a problem for later,” Pinkie Pie surprised her fellow Council members with a serious tone. Then, she grinned, “Right now, we gotta figure out if coming back as a Revawhatchamacallit means today’s Frosted’s second birthday!”
She was met with a chorus of silent scowls.
“What?”
But then, Ann began the most difficult part of her tale. As she recounted finding the throne room filled with statues, and her friends’ escapades in attempting to bring down the mad filly who’d stolen both Princess Twilight’s magic and the spell to trap others in stone, the Elements’ and the Princesses’ ire only grew.
Not helping matters was Cozy’s clear nonchalance towards the proceedings. She even corrected Ann once or twice where she thought her villainous one-liners and put-downs weren’t being properly represented.
“You know?” Ann took a moment to glance meaningfully down at Cozy, “You’re probably not helping your case here.”
The pink pegasus shrugged, “Eh. They’re just gonna turn me to stone again. Or lock me in Tartarus. What’s the worst thing they could do?”
She was about to toss the ‘court’ another arrogant smirk… when she caught a glint in Ann’s eye. And for the briefest of moments, Cozy thought she saw a certain Princess of Chaos staring at her.
“Well,” Ann grinned with a fanged maw, “They could always let me have you, wherever I get sent…”
Cozy let out a squeaked ‘eep’, and settled back down. But Ann’s little triumph was short-lived, as this reaction only caused every creature in the room to gape with a mixture of horror and fascination.
Seeing their silent expressions, Ann’s ears drooped. She’d stepped over that line, again. And now with an audience.
Twilight was the first to put her feelings into words. With raised eyebrows, but an otherwise unreadable expression. “Ann… what did you do?”
The Ponequus sighed. Her eyes briefly met those of her mother, crimson on blue. But before she could see the shame her mother surely felt in that moment, Ann looked away.
Let me believe it will be alright, she whispered in her heart, just for a few more minutes. Let me believe she’ll still love me after this…
When the tale was done, and Ann had exhausted every word of her story, the impromptu court adjourned to make its decision. Pinkie’s eyes, narrowed and pointed, hadn’t ever once left Cozy’s following what had happened with Cheese, only breaking contact as the foals, Rainy, Twinkleshine, Discord, and Grogar were forced into the entry hall to await the Princesses’ and the Elements’ decision.
Cozy was unhooked from the statue, and made to leave with the others.
Ann felt numb as she left the throne room. As soon as she’d finished telling of her… treatment… of Cozy Glow, she knew what would happen next. She could see the disgust in Celestia and Luna’s eyes, and the shame in her mother’s. Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash had all looked… sick, as they heard what had happened and what she tried to do.
Except for Pinkie, and Princess Twilight. Pinkie had just maintained her death-glare at an increasingly unnerved Cozy. But with Twilight, Ann couldn’t fathom what the Princess of Friendship thought. Ann never did spend much time with Equestria’s monarch, and only had her mom’s stories to go on.
It was fun while it lasted.
A large, white wing brushed along Ann’s muzzle, clearing away a tear she hadn’t noticed was there. The Ponequus looked down to see Goldie, one claw patting her hoof sympathetically.
“It’ll be alright, Ann,” she said, and smiled softly, “You’ll see.”
“I wish I was as confident as you are,” Ann tried to return the smile, but felt it falter on her face even as she gave it her all.
Goldie snorted, actually snorted with laughter, before a blush so red it managed to get past her thick feathers burned bright across her beak.
“Oh…” she scratched the back of her head, “About the… right…”
Ann frowned, and swept her gaze across her friends, taking in each one as she went.
“What do you all think?” she asked, nerves evident as she tapped her front hooves to an unheard tune, “Do… did any of you still want to be friends after…?”
Ann didn’t get to finish. A green hoof planted itself square in the middle of her chest, and for once it was Ann who found herself arrested by the piercing eyes of another. In this case, crystal blue eyes glared back into her own.
Flawless set her jaw, and said, “Shut up.”
Well, that’s not the first response I expected.
“What?” Ann balked.
“I said, ‘Shut up’,” Flawless pulled her hoof off of Ann, but her gaze never wavered, “You think you’re the first pony to get mad and say or do something she felt bad about later?”
“Well, no… but…”
Each of her friends stepped up at that moment, their own stories quickly flying from their lips.
Goldie, already next to Ann, got hers out first. “I once called my cousin Gilbert stupid because he couldn’t do the same kind of math I could, and I still feel bad about it.”
“I once ruined a perfectly good, if lop sided, cupcake,” Cheese lamented, a hint of a tear in one eye, “And all because I couldn’t stand not getting the recipe just right like Mom did.”
“This scarf took me six tries to get the weave nice and smooth,” Beau added, earnestly, “SIX!!!”
Pearl, glancing sheepishly up to her mother, said, “And, ah… I may have once pulled rank when a servant wouldn’t let me have a cookie before dinner…”
Despite Twinkleshine’s soft growl, nothing was said now on the subject of privilege…
“I yelled at my mom and dad,” Moon adjusted his sunglasses with one wing as a hand, “It was about something stupid… and I never got to take it back.”
Flawless laid a soft foreleg pat on Moon’s withers, then turned to look Ann in the eyes again. “I let my temper almost ruin what ended up being a really great friendship. Even if we’ve only been that for a little while, I’m… I’m glad my mistake didn’t take that away from me.”
Ann stood, silently, listening to each of them speak. Her stunned expression was all any of them needed to continue.
“I said some nasty things to one of the nest-nurses because I couldn’t transform when I was a nymph,” said Dib, swapping between the form of an orange dragon, pony, yak, and diamond dog in rapid succession. “I apologized, ya know? But I still feel bad for what happened.”
“What we’re trying to say, Ann,” Shady gave her his brightest smile, “is that we’ve all been there. And we’ve all been forgiven for whatever we’ve done, so we don’t see much difference with your situation.”
Ann, sniffling through the happy tears that threatened, managed to ask, “And… what did you do, Shady?”
Rainy Blaze laughed, and said, “Oh, he had a little fight with his old stallion over some silly popularity poll or something.”
A lick of flame went up from the top of Shady’s mane, and the kirin’s whole body stiffened.
“Dad,” he said, slowly, “The Amazing Maximo didn’t belong on the same list of great magicians as Trixie Lulamoon. Much less two spaces apart!”
“Eh, Trixie is alright, I suppose,” Rainy cheerily went on, “but Maximo does that thing with his hooves and the Mystery Box! Can’t beat a good mystery box, son…”
Shady took a deep breath, and held it for several long, long seconds before the flame in his mane died down. He let out the breath with an exasperated sigh.
“Point is,” he said, “We’ve been there. We get it.”
A moment passed, during which Ann stole a look at each of her friends, her true, true friends, and felt a small, but welcome, pressure, build in her heart.
But as she opened her forelegs and tried to fit each and every one of them in her best hug, another voice, shrill and angry, cut the air.
“She tried to kill me!” Cozy shouted, a blood vessel threatening to pop out of her neck, “How does that even compare!?”
Flawless scowled, “Well, you sort of had it coming.”
“WHAT!?” Cozy fell back onto her haunches.
“Yeah, you turned most of us into statues!” Moon bared his fangs as he spoke, “And then you apparently killed one of us…”
He turned his head around to face the pony in particular. “Seriously, Cheese? How are you not freaking out right now?”
Little Cheese stood up on his hind legs and affected a noble bearing. “We Pies are world-renowned for our ability to repress… the Bad Thoughts.” One eye twitched to complete the image. “Plus,” he pulled on his mane, bringing what he could of his new, silver streak to attention, “I got this! And it’s super cool!”
Cozy Glow growled and shook her head, “What is with ponies these days!?”
“I blame modern music,” Discord chuckled to himself. The only creature who seemed to hear his little joke was, sadly, Grogar.
Who did not smile. At all. In fact, Discord often thought that every time Grogar frowned, somewhere in the world, a whoopie cushion died.
“See,” the Draconequus sniffed disdainfully, “This is why family dinners with you were so awkward.”
To the background noise of foals arguing over relativistic morality and the ethics of stone-imprisonment, Grogar quietly mulled this over. After a few moments, he even had something to add.
“I suppose you are correct.”
Discord nodded. “Yes, I suppose… what…?” his eyes spun in their sockets for a second or two, before locking back on the elderly ram standing before the former Lord of Chaos, “What?”
Grogar met Discord’s unbelieving gaze with his own baleful one.
“You are correct,” he repeated himself, begrudgingly, “I was at fault for… whatever this relationship is.”
Discord took a step back, then flung his head back and forth with wild abandon. He looked left, and then right. He tried, very hard, to check off-screen, but found that without his usual magic, the fourth wall stubbornly held.
Finally, the Draconequus sneered.
“That’s a low-blow, Thorax.”
Grogar merely stared. “I beg your pardon?”
“I wondered why there were so few changelings in this story!” Discord growled and stamped his foot, as if throwing a tantrum… or, perhaps he really was throwing one.
He continued, pointing an accusatory finger at Grogar, “Just because I turned into your parent once and terrorized you for a long weekend doesn’t give you the right to do it to me!”
“I have no idea what you are talking about…”
“I learned my lesson!” Discord glared and gnashed his teeth, “I even apologized. Me! The Great and Lovable Discord!”
Grogar frowned, “I see. You are doing the… fifth wall? Was that what you called it? I admit, I hardly listened when you talked about it, growing up,” the ancient monster winced, “I suppose I was too focused on making you a weapon at the time…”
“It’s a very good disguise too,” Discord continued, “You even got the smell right. But the real Grogar would never admit to a mistake. Especially one involving how he raised me…”
“That was how I was, indeed,” Grogar said, more to himself than for the benefit of his… he wondered if calling Discord his son was too familiar for what they had, “And today, that old way of thinking nearly cost me what is most precious in all the world. I would not entertain such a thought again.”
Discord’s face grew inscrutable. Rage was in the mix, as sure as the sun rose, as was resentment and suspicion. But something else colored the emotions he bore openly, something Grogar could not quite put his hoof on. It was something calculating. Something despicably… pony.
Was that hope?
“Why should I believe you?” he finally hissed, “Why would the mighty and terrible Grogar give a hoot about some pony, or draconequus’, feelings? What do you get out of this?”
And it was Grogar’s turn to become inscrutable. His usual mask, a dead-eyed glare of eternal hatred and darkness, cracked. On the ram’s face was a clear patina of warring thoughts and emotions.
It was clear to Discord that there was a little something… pony in there too.
“Ann,” Grogar said, finally, with all the force of a whisper of an echo, “I get Ann. If… if she wills it.”
But before Discord could say another word, the throne room doors opened up, and a large, purple head stuck itself out into the hall.
Spike’s eyes were bright, and full of concern.
“They’re ready for you.”
The dragon held the door open wide, like the perfect gentledrake. His stately demeanor had only improved in his time as the Royal Advisor, and he maintained a calm, appropriately professional air at all times.
Except for his eyes. Ann could read eyes that gentle, and full of worry, like they were an open book. Which was very impressive for somepony who could barely struggle through a Daring Do adventure. She knew whatever lay beyond that door, it would be momentous. But not necessarily good…
“I know what you’re all trying to do,” she said, as calm as the Ponequus had ever felt, “and I appreciate it… but we all know what I did was a lot worse than losing my temper. I have to pay for it. And that’s how it has to be.
“Still,” she turned, and cast her eyes once more on the greatest friends she could have asked for, “Thank you.”
And like that, the calm, cool, collected façade of youth began to crack. As perilous as the adventure had been thus far, and as brave and worthy of their Crusader legacy as the foals had proven themselves, they were still foals. Lips trembled, and eyes watered.
They clung together, with a Ponequus at their center, and let the tears flow free. The full weight of the day, and all the days they feared would result, came down atop their shoulders at once.
The Crusaders held each other in their little huddle, and simply existed, for what little time there was left to them. All except for a pink pegasus filly, who stood off to one side.
Ann, a grateful, gentle smile on her face, nodded to Cozy, and said, “Come on. You know you want in on this.”
“Absolutely not,” Cozy rolled her eyes with unbridled contempt.
Ann just shrugged. “Eh. You’ll get there.”
“We are prepared to render Our verdict.”
The pronouncement from Princess Twilight fell like a gavel, and filled the room with that same, sharp pressure of sound, Royal Voice or not. The Princesses stood, front and center before the throne, with Twilight standing between the two sisters. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity stood to one side, while Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Discord stood on the other, creating a long line of ‘judges’ for this very important trial.
Spike stood just behind Ann, Cozy, and surprisingly, Grogar. These three knew what would happen next was about them, first and foremost. The rest waited a few meters behind the Royal Advisor, breath baited.
Twilight’s eyes met Cozy’s first. Then, they went to Ann’s. Ann had only just gotten used to the extensive new senses and feelings she could comprehend since becoming the Princess of Chaos. She could see the fourth wall, and she could sense the twisted paths of narrative and character that intertwined the whole of her reality. She could even feel, and see, where everycreature around her fit into the grand scheme of the meta-multi-verse.
And right now, she could feel the weight of ages upon her, all from that one look. Twilight lacked the sheer Time of the other Alicorns, but her innate and complete connectivity to Friendship and Magic made her, in Ann’s eyes, something far more mighty and profound.
The universe revolves around her, Ann realized. I’m standing before the true Main Character…
Twilight’s eyes drifted away.
“Grogar,” she stated without inflection, “Step forward.”
He did so, without hesitation. The ram took his place, and only briefly did his eyes meet those of Discord… who looked away.
Such is life…
“Normally,” Luna spoke first, “Equestrian law does not seek to punish those who allow harm to befall other through inaction. It would cause far more problems than it would solve, in the long term.”
Celestia picked up right where her sister stopped, “But in this case, an exception is to be made.”
“Grogar,” Twilight intoned, “You allowed a great evil to befall Equestria…”
“Geez, laying it on thick there…” Cozy muttered.
“… through deliberate inaction,” Twilight hardly spared a moment’s notice to the filly, “which bordered on Reckless Endangerment and Gross Negligence While Supervising Minors.”
She paused. Perhaps she wanted to think more on what to say. Or, perhaps she merely wanted to see how Grogar reacted to the charges. When he gave her nothing, the Princess continued, with a trace of contempt in her voice.
“The fact that you seem to not regret a single thing about your actions today is the most galling. You risked the lives of children, and for little more than a grab at the feeling of being powerful again. Many creatures, some I still consider close, personal friends, have done similar…”
There was a cough at the end of the line of judges. Twilight’s ear twitched towards it, but heard nothing else.
“As I was saying,” she grit her teeth, “Many of my friends were once villains. But it was regret, and a sincere desire to make amends that allowed me to help reform the likes of Starlight Glimmer…”
“Tirek…”
“… yes?”
“What was my name, again?”
“Oh…”
“Yes…?”
“The… Great and… Powerful Trixie…?”
“…”
“…”
“Thank you. I was worried there for a moment,” said Trixie, the Great and Powerful Queen of the Changelings.
“In light of your contempt for the safety and well-being of others, and for the aforementioned lack of any regret or…”
Again, that cough. And this time, Twilight knew it had come from only one Draconequus.
“Discord?” she leaned forward enough to look down the row, “Is there something else you’d like to add?”
Discord turned at the mention of his name. His eyes widened, slightly. He pointed a claw at himself, as if he were asking a question. When Twilight simply nodded at this, the Draconequus looked up to the ceiling.
“I… um… well, that is to say…” he sputtered along. Normally, any one of the Princesses would have snapped by this point in his hemming and hawing routine, put out by his uniquely Discordian way of wasting everycreature’s time. But this was a court proceeding. There was a certain level of decorum expected of them. Everycreature would get their say.
Which was why they waited until Rainbow Dash had enough.
“Ah, just spit it out!”
This finally seemed to settle Discord’s uncharacteristic bout of nerves. He looked back towards Grogar… and sighed.
“Alright,” he said, quietly, “I know that my… father… is an evil, evil, villainous, horrible, nasty, good-for-nothing, dreaded fiend of the plutonian shore whom even Tartarus would spit out for being so vile and despicable and just… awful in every way both imaginable and unimaginable…”
Cozy chuckled, “That’s some character-witness you got there…”
“It’s actually the nicest thing he’s ever said about me,” Grogar replied, absolutely deadpan.
“… BUT!” the Draconequus straightened, one talon pointed up to make his point, “He isn’t, at least completely, totally, temporally, infinitely… beyond regret.”
The line of judges each had begun leaning forward as Discord spoke, eyes and muzzles more and more scrunched up as they heard his words.
Again, Dash came to the rescue, “What the heck are you talking about!?”
Discord frowned at the pegasus, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do I really need to spell it out?”
He waved his hands above his head with dramatic flourish. And… nothing happened. Utterly nothing. In the utter silence of the nothing which had just happened, Fluttershy’s tiny cough could be heard like it was a shattering plate.
“Huh,” he stared at his paw like he’d only just now noticed its existence, “Right… mortality…”
“Discord,” Celestia frowned, “Please. Make this easy for us.”
The former Lord of Chaos shrugged and pointed at the condemned.
“He actually feels bad about what happened. Just ask him.”
Grogar himself scowled at this remark. Ten whoopie cushions, Discord noted.
Luna scoffed, “Grogar? The Dread Ram? The Ruler of Tambelon and the Bell Lord of Tartarus? Feeling bad!?” she proceeded to laugh at the very notion.
“Sister…” Celestia warned.
“Please, Tia,” Luna rolled her eyes, “I like Grogar, and I don’t think he has a single regretful bone in his entire being!”
Twilight, through this exchange, had remained placid. Regal, even. She turned her eyes towards the Nec-Ram-Ancer, and quietly asked, “Is this true?”
Grogar… sighed. There was no avoiding it now. An answer was demanded. And it would never be said that Grogar could be intimidated by a mere court into silence.
“Yes.” His answer came after a long, silent minute. He tilted his horned head surreptitiously towards Ann, and continued. “I did not consider that I could lose the affections of this one with one act. It was inconceivable. Until… it wasn’t.
“Do not misread me,” he growled, low and threatening, “I will never accept your pony ways. I will never seek true peace and… and friendship amongst your kind. They, and you, disgust me in ways that make my soul shrivel to contemplate.”
The Dread Lord lowered his head again, and looked away. “But if it meant that my Ann would call me her Grampa once more… I would tear down the stars themselves…”
Luna scowled.
“… or… try to accept this… Magic of Friendship…”
Ann’s eyes sparkled, and she whispered to Cozy, “He said it!”
To most creature’s, Twilight’s mask of quiet contemplation was absolute. Celestia had had centuries to perfect her ‘resting Princess face’, as Luna often called it behind her back. Luna’s, by comparison, was less a placid, calm pool, and more of a simmering pot of water about to boil over, and Cadance never even bothered with politics when she could get away with overwhelming her foes with sheer, unadulterated motherly affection.
Twilight’s mask was a masterpiece, especially considering how little time had been needed to perfect it. But to those who knew her best, and in this room, there were many who fit that description, the tiniest, most infinitesimal smirk could just be detected marring her perfect, unemotional, Princess-mode.
Indeed, she seemed to say with her eyes alone, Indeed he did…
“We are glad to hear this,” she said, ever the consummate politician, in an even, tempered tone, “In fact… knowing that you have made such a stride…”
“A millennium late and a Bit short,” Discord shrugged. He shifted uncomfortable a moment later, as Fluttershy prodded him in the side with a hoof.
She didn’t appear angry, of course. Fluttershy was almost smiling…
Twilight rolled her eyes, and continued. “The fact that you can admit even that much tells me that, though you deny it, the Magic of Friendship… and in this case, family… works through even you.
“In light of this,” she squared her shoulders in a royal fashion, and the other Princesses attempted to match her in her sudden regal-ness, “We feel compelled to elect to commute your original sentence.”
The throne room fell into a hushed silence. Ann held her breath, and even Cozy found herself drawn into the moment. No doubt, this would be a prelude to her own punishment…
Twilight spoke with finality. “Grogar? Your punishment shall be… one month of Community Service.”
“Oh, come on!” Cozy threw her hooves in the air and fell onto her back. “This one,” she waved a hoof at a perplexed Ann, “gets me thinking you ponies finally learned how to deal with your enemies… and you go and forgive Grogar!”
“Yeah,” Ann frowned, unimpressed, “And I was a monster…”
“I must agree with the spawn,” Grogar snorted. “Such a punishment is… it is unconscionably lenient, all things considered…”
“I didn’t finish,” Twilight’s smile, as wicked as any her friends had seen on any number of their worse enemies, only grew across her face. “For one month, you shall be remanded to the custody of one Pinkamena Diane Pie, and serve your Community Service as her Party Planner Assistant. Additionally,” a slightly crazed look flashed in her eyes, “You will help out the Sugarcube Corner, and the Cakes, with anything they might require… as an employee of both businesses.”
Grogar’s baleful eyes… widened.
“Mercy,” he croaked.
“Aw, come on!” a ludicrously pink pony appeared at the ram’s side and wrapped her cooked-spaghetti-like forelegs around his barrel in a hug that best resembled a constrictor snake catching its next meal, “It’s gonna be super-duper-looper cool with you helping out! We got a HUGE order for Nightmare Night coming up, and raising the dead’s gonna be a real humdinger of a party trick! Oh! And Ann and Cheese can hangout while we plan out the Running of the Leaves After Party! Oh! OH! And only Black Magic can make the Ultra-Mega-Pico-Dark Chocolate Smoothie I was thinking up for Mayor Mare’s retirement party, which is coming up any day now once I convince her to let me run for the job…”
“Please,” Grogar’s single tear threatened to break his perfected mask of dread and indifference, “Kill me.”
But Pinkie brought her brilliant-blue eye up to meet his baleful red… and grinned.
“Oh, don’t you worry, Groggy…!”
Her voice fell into a blood-chilling whisper.
“… you won’t feel a thing…”
While most of the Council, and the Princesses, seemed perfectly fine with this… arrangement, Ann couldn’t help but notice the presence of a certain pink pegasus filly suddenly appearing beneath her, where a foal might hide using their mother as cover.
“We’re dead…” she whispered.
“Cozy Glow… and Anarchy… please step forward.”
Both named ponies looked to each other quizzically, and then up to the Princess.
“Together?” Cozy squeaked.
Celestia nodded sagely, her ethereal mane briefly merging with Twilight’s own, drifting beside her into a perplexing pattern of midnight blues and pastel. “Indeed. It would seem that, from the moment Ann freed you, Cozy, your fates have been entwined.”
Ann and Cozy looked to each other again, and then stepped forth. The Ponequus chanced a glance up the line of judges, and beside noticing her dad waving a tiny flag with her face on it, she could see Fluttershy staring right back at her.
Her heart fluttered, when she saw those loving eyes still doting upon her.
Maybe… Ann thought, a warm sensation pulsing just behind her eyes, maybe she’ll visit wherever they lock me up…
The condemned sat before the Princesses, and awaited their fate in silence. The Royal Sisters watched their successor with faint interest, it being many a year since they felt any sort of concern for her judgement in rule. Twilight’s friends and fellow Councilors were less composed, and if Ann could read emotions as well as she thought she could, Rarity, Dash, and Applejack were more than a little uncertain about their decision.
Now, whether or not that was a good thing would all come down to what the Princess said.
“Cozy,” she began, turning her gaze upon the pink pegasus, “You stand accused of Reckless Use of Magic, Unauthorized Use of Dangerous or Forbidden Magic (again), Magical Theft (also again), Breaking and Entering, Assault (Multiple Counts), High Treason (again), and Murder.”
The filly in question hummed, “I still don’t think that should count…”
“How do you plead?” The Princess’s voice was stern, adding a weight to her words that even had Cozy flinching beneath them.
Cozy Glow raised a single eyebrow at her judge. She glanced around, just in case she was the only one not in on the joke. Nocreature else seemed to be laughing.
“Uh… guilty? I guess,” she said, uneasily, waiting for the other three shoes to drop.
Princess Twilight Sparkle blinked.
“Pardon?”
“Guilty. I’m guilty.” Cozy shrugged, and cast a glance over the other judges. Every single Councilor and Princess, except Pinkie Pie, looked positively aghast, shocked into a state of stupefaction. And that omission was only because Pinkie was busy with a menu, teaching a miserable Grogar how to take customers’ orders.
Rarity, recovering herself a hair faster than the rest, cleared her throat, and asked, “Cozy Glow… you do know what ‘Guilty’ means, yes?”
The pink filly frowned. “Yeah? It means I did something bad, and I’m gonna get punished for it. What’s with you guys?”
“So,” Fluttershy cut in, eyes wide, “you know what you did was wrong? And… not necessarily just evil?”
“Seriously, what’s going on with you ponies?” Cozy buzzed her wings and brought herself up to Ann’s eye level, “Yes, I was Evil! And yeah, it was wrong. Why’s that such a big deal?”
As Cozy looked between each of her judges, she finally noticed something. Each of them was slowly turning towards Twilight. Each one stared, wide-eyed, as a bright and terrible smile began to spread across her muzzle, and her eyes began to truly sparkle.
There was an argument, she realized. An argument… that I just settled…
“Good eye,” Applejack whispered, then said with a touch more contrition, “I’m sorry we doubted you…”
“Oh…” Cozy Glow drifted back a bit, only to run into Ann’s aura holding her from making a break for it, “I don’t like this at all…”
“You may not look it, Cozy,” Twilight refocused on the filly, “But you’ve grown quite a bit.”
Cozy scowled. “That’s not funny.”
“And it is in light of that growth of character,” the Princess lit her horn, and a purple bubble took shape at its tip, “that we officially grant you… Parole.”
Now it was Cozy’s turn to look agape. Had Ann not been holding her up in a light pink aura, either she or her hanging jaw would have hit the floor by that point.
“P-parole!?”
Twilight’s magic billowed… and then faded. The Princess took a deep breath, as though she’d just exerted herself, and smiled. “Cozy, it was never…”
She turned an unimpressed glance back at her mentor.
“Had I been aware of the particular stone effect for your prison, you would not… and should not… have had to endure twenty years of uninterrupted consciousness.”
“Oh, you’re just going to hold that over us forever, aren’t you?” It was quite odd to hear Celestia, former Diarch and Alicorn of the Sun, whine like a petulant little filly, but these were certainly interesting times.
The Princess Twilight continued, “Therefore, both to make up for Our previous mistakes, as well as allow you a chance to grow into a pony to be proud of, in an environment where you can truly flourish as you never have before, we shall have you serve your parole by being remanded to the custody of one of Our fellow Princesses.”
Here, Twilight’s smile went from merely that of an intrigued intellectual, happy to see a bet pay dividends, and became something more. Ann could taste the overwhelming goodness and cheer coming off the Princess, but it was tinged with regret and hope in equal measure.
Suddenly, Ann realized where that smile was pointing.
“The Princess of Chaos shall be your warden,” Princess Twilight said, eyes locked with Ann’s own, “And… perhaps in time, your friend.”
Ann’s jaw actually hit the floor, cracked through the stonework, and impacted somewhere in the basement, mere feet from a hoof-full of unicorn mages on patrol near the Starlight Vault. She quickly rolled her mouth back up and set it right, before taking a deep, soulful breath. She had plenty of things to say about that plan…
But Cozy got there first.
“HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST YOUR BUCKING MINDS!?!?”
Twilight leaned back, away from the suddenly, explosively furious filly.
Oh no… not furious. It didn’t take a changeling to feel what emotion Cozy Glow was giving off in that throne room. From her bulging eyes and neck-veins to her instant flop sweat and shaking knees, everycreature knew what was going on in Cozy’s mind right at that instant.
Pure.
Condensed.
Grade A…
Fear.
“Cozy,” Twilight raised a hoof to forestall whatever tirade…
“NO!” the pink filly ripped her way out of Ann’s aura through sheer speed, and drifted along in front of the judges… her executioners. “Toss me in Tartarus and throw away the key! Stick me on the moon! Turn me back to stone and leave me on the ocean floor!!!
“Anything!” she pointed a hoof back at the Princess of Chaos, “Anything but that!!!”
“Cozy!”
Twilight stamped the floor with one mighty hoof. The shock of it seemed to bring Cozy’s mind back to something resembling focus. The filly gazed up into Twilight’s eyes, pleadingly.
“That flash,” Twilight shook her head, “was the Transposition Locking Spell taking effect. You cannot move more than fifty yards from Ann without being brought back to her. Other than that, you are to learn from her and her friends what I failed to teach you about friendship.”
“But…”
“I know!” Twilight reached out a wing, and settled it softly onto her once-enemy’s shoulder, “But despite how it’s begun… I truly think your relationship with Ann will be a source of strength, and healing for you. If you let it.”
Twilight leaned in close, met the filly’s gaze with her own, and whispered, “What do you say?”
There was silence again.
For the whole of about five seconds, before Cozy Glow slapped aside the Princess’s wing, let out a blood-curdling scream, and launched herself towards the main doors to the throne room.
Ann found it oddly nostalgic.
Just as Cozy’s rapidly fleeing form reached the doors, however, there was a crack of purple magic, and the panicking pegasus appeared precisely three feet to Ann’s side, still screaming, still flying. It was clear she hadn’t even noticed, and simply continued sailing towards the throne room doors, heedless of all else.
“Aw, yeah,” Rainbow Dash grinned, “Now this is awesome…”
And this would continue for a minute straight, until a red-faced and exhausted Cozy Glow finally had to land and continue her flight on foot.
This version continued for about thirty seconds more, before some of Ann’s friends managed to hold Cozy down and let her cry it out.
“Well, that was dramatic,” Ann said, rolling her eyes in her own dramatic fashion. Then, perhaps remembering where she was and what was going on, she turned back towards the Princesses.
Twilight took a few steps forward, just so that she and Ann were standing directly beside one another. They were the same height, Ann noticed, just a little taller than Celestia herself.
“I, uh,” Ann smiled, a little unsure of what was about to happen, “My character growth was a little more… literal, it seems…”
Princess Twilight snickered, but said nothing.
So, Ann licked her lips, and tried to fill the space before her.
“I’m not sure I know what’s going on, Your Majesty. I mean, my last act as Princess was to abdicate, for Discord’s sake!”
Off to the side, Discord cheered, “Yes! I’ve done it! I’m a meme…!”
A quiet bump from Fluttershy seemed to end that, whatever that was, very quickly.
“Oh, I know,” Twilight smiled, “But… under Equestrian Law, Princesses can’t abdicate.”
Ann blinked. “Is… is that a thing?”
“Afraid so,” Twilight sighed contentedly, “Retirement? That’s fine. But actual abdication? Apparently, when they wrote the rules, they really made sure the Princesses couldn’t weasel their way out of it.”
“I have never weaseled in my entire life!” Luna shouted indignantly, “At the very most, I once stoat’d! Perhaps I even engaged in mirthful, holiday ferreting… but Weasel!?”
Twilight raised a gentle hoof and placed it gingerly under Ann’s chin. With a little redirection, their eyes met again, and Ann could fully take in the Princess’… the other Princess’ warm expression.
“But,” Ann frowned, “I let Cozy go free. And… what happened after…”
“Was serious,” Twilight admitted, “But… while most ponies can be won over with little more than earnest friendship and acceptance, some need to be shown how much they can lose by not accepting friendship into their heart.
“Cozy Glow’s heart had been hardened,” Twilight explained, “By her time in an orphanage, or by how she was raised, or… by any number of factors, really. My way of teaching her, in hindsight, was never going to help her.”
Twilight wrapped a wing around Ann, and drew her close in a side-hug. The Princess turned so that she could address everycreature at once.
“But you got through to her. Maybe it was just a crack you made in an icy shell she has around her heart, but I can tell you and her share some sort of connection now. The shared trauma of… what happened between you two has helped Cozy Glow at least move a few more inches towards the right direction.”
Ann shook herself free, gently, and faced Twilight directly. “But… but what I did was still wrong, even if it worked!”
“I know,” the Princess nodded, her own smile never fading or faltering, “Which is why Cozy’s parole… as much as she sees it as a punishment for her… is also your trial.”
When Ann stared blankly at Twilight’s answer, the Princess chuckled lightly.
“Well, I am giving you an incredible responsibility. Cozy Glow is moving in the right direction… slowly. And I cannot think of any pony who has had as positive of an impact on her as you.”
“That’s… an exceptionally low bar, Princess,” Ann grimaced.
Twilight sighed, “Be that as it may. I am tasking you with guiding her. You and your friends have shown so many of the best qualities that Friendship can bring out in others. It is my hope that you can foster such in Cozy, and help a lost soul.”
Ann turned her head, to get a good look over at Cozy. The filly was still cowering on the floor, but at least she had stopped sweating and crying. Not a great metric for success through friendship.
“I…” the Ponequus set her jaw and turned back to the Princess, “I’ll try.”
Twilight nodded, and then took up a far more formal, serious air as she said, “I trust in your ability… but to be sure, I must ask that all of your attention be focused on this task.”
“All of my…?”
“Attention, yes.” Twilight glanced over to Discord, currently watching the scene with a mixture of disbelief and curiosity. “And that means I must formally ask that you step down from your… duties as Princess of Chaos.”
Ann cocked her head to one side, “What? But… you said I couldn’t abdicate!”
“Now hold on!” Ann heard her father stomping towards the Princess of Friendship, and could see in his eyes as she turned to look at him that he was holding back a fire.
The Draconequus scowled and got himself up in Twilight’s face as physically close as it was possible to do so, and snarled, “You have no such jurisdiction! This is completely against the Rules!”
“I’m not ordering Ann to step down,” Twilight said with just the smallest hint of a snark, “I am merely one Sovereign giving another some good advice for her own benefit. It’s a request.”
“A request!” Discord fumed and threw up his hands, “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for Ann to be all that she could be!?”
“Two… three months?”
“Exactly! An eternity in Draconequus time! And you just expect me to let you do this to her!? I’ve finally got somecreature I can pass off this Chaos business to, and you pull this on me!”
“Pass off…? You…” Twilight’s face scrunched up in obvious confusion, “You want to stay retired?”
Discord sighed, exasperated, “Yes! Of course! With Ann handling Chaos, I’d be able… I’d…” He grew suddenly quiet, a hint of timidity brightening his cheeks with a red blush.
“Discord?”
“Well,” he grumbled, “If you weren’t going to look into a way to make all of your friends Alicorns like yourself… I couldn’t really imagine a world where I had to endure while Fluttershy… while she…”
The pegasus in question slowly walked up behind the Draconequus, and gave his side a little nuzzle as she reached him. Fluttershy looked up to her dear friend, and said, “It’s something we talked about before, Twilight. We’ve… well, Discord has seen other worlds where he didn’t have another option, and… he doesn’t like saying goodbye, you know…”
Twilight seemed as if she were about to say something… but bit down on it quickly.
Not the time, nor the place.
Ann had heard the thought, but only idly. Most of her mind had been quite distracted through this whole aside. She had a simple proposition before her, but one that was deceptive in its simplicity.
I can use this, she thought mischievously.
“Status quo,” she said, quietly, in a tone that nopony or creature could have heard, even if they had been listening for it.
Pinkie and Cheese each winked at her as she said it, but that was just… Pies being Pies…
Ann lifted her chin up high, with dignity, and proclaimed, “I’ll do it.”
“You what!?” Discord nearly snapped his neck spinning about.
The Ponequus met Twilight’s eyes again… this time, as equals. Two Princesses who were in on the same scheme.
“But… I’ll need a Regent.”
Discord’s mouth worked a mile a minute without producing anything other than a whine that only dogs could hear.
“What!?” he finally managed to say.
“Naturally, Dad,” Ann held out a hoof diplomatically, “Chaos still needs tending and fostering while I’m busy with Cozy. I’ll need somecreature to invest my power in. To act in my interests. In fact…
“Why don’t you do it?”
“Me?” the Draconequus was taken aback. “What are you getting at?”
“I mean…” Ann gave it her best salespony smile, “You already know how the job works! And, you’d only need to handle things for me for… say, Your Majesty?”
“Yes, Your Majesty?” Twilight smirked.
She asked, innocently, “How long do you think Cozy’s parole will last?”
“Oh, it could take a while,” Twilight nodded sagely, her friends and fellow Princesses nodding along as they began to cotton onto the idea, “I mean… you’ll probably need at least a few decades, for sure. Long enough to where you’d have to spend your whole foalhood with Cozy and your friends. Teaching her about Friendship. Growing up together. Having parties…”
Pinkie squee’d at that, but otherwise remained quiet.
“Yeah,” Ann nodded as well, and gave her father a toothy smile, “So, it’s not like I’m asking you to stop retiring, or keep the job forever… just until…”
“Until you’ve grown up… until you’ve… matured!” Discord spat with a small amount of disgust. He eyed both Princesses, standing side by side, and began to pace back and forth.
He stopped twice. Once, to give Fluttershy a loving pat on the head as he passed. And once more to give his daughter a bit of a stink-eye.
“Regent of Chaos,” he said slowly, rolling the words in his mouth, “It doesn’t really have the same ring to it as ‘Lord of Chaos’, does it? It’s ridiculous. It’s ludicrous. It’s never happened before!”
At this declaration, Discord leaned in close… and his eyes flashed bright as stars.
“I love it! Innovating as always! That’s why you’re gonna be a great Spirit of Chaos one day, my girl!”
“So, you’ll do it?” Ann asked, hopefully.
“I will! Or my name isn’t John!”
Twilight balked and shook her head, “But, Discord… your name’s not…”
Ann was instantly at the Princess’s side, leaning into her ear and whispering, “Just roll with the bit. It’s a reference!”
The purple Alicorn stared for a moment, before replying sadly, “Oh… you’re doing that too now, aren’t you?”
Ann just smiled, and turned back towards her father.
“Alright,” she said, giving herself a little shake to get ready, “How do we do this?”
“Do this?” Discord frowned. “Do this? Do this? This isn’t some… carnival trick! What we are about to do is a solemn ceremony! One that Draconequus have taken with the utmost seriousness since the very beginning!”
She nodded along as her dad became more and more bombastic in his description. Then, she chuckled, and said, “But since there’s only ever been one Draconequus…”
He grinned, and pointed to his own head, “’We’ve’ been waiting a while…”
“Very well!” Ann whipped her magic about, pink light instantly restoring her crown and her cape. In her hooves, she hefted up a 4-hoof long halibut, and struck a regal pose.
“Kneel.”
Discord, now wearing more princely fashion, including a Miss Manehattan Runner-Up sash and a pair of tooth-brushes in place of epaulets, knelt before the Sovereign of Insanity, and bowed his head. Fluttershy, standing nearby, smiled broadly at the multicolored dress of living butterflies she now found herself wearing.
“We, Anarchy,” Ann intoned, “First of Our Name, Mayor of Madness, Baroness of Bonkers, Countess of Skullduggery, Duchess of Derp, Princess of Chaos, and Ponequus Extraordinaire…!”
“Um, anypony wanna explain what’s goin’ on?” Applejack’s slightly confounded voice could be heard, just over the tinny reprise playing from speakers that weren’t there a moment ago.
Ann didn’t even notice.
“… do hereby declare you Discord! Regent of Chaos, and Arbiter of the Arbitrary!”
She slapped him across his right cheek with the halibut. Then, she struck him across his left. That bit of ceremony concluded, she tossed the fish over her shoulder, whereupon it grew a set of crab legs… and flapped them to gain altitude and fly away.
Ann, maintaining her regal disposition admirably, held out one hoof… which was currently replaced with what appeared to be a human hand, and pointed a single digit toward her father.
“Discord?” she stated.
“Your Majesty?” tears of pride welled up in the Draconequus’ eyes.
“Pull my finger!”
The collective Elements, Princesses, and Crusaders groaned in agonizing pain as soon as they heard that statement. All except for Cozy Glow, who was looking on with utter contempt anyway, so nocreature could tell the difference.
Discord tugged gently on his daughter’s human finger. As the arm detached itself with a pop, the whole room was suddenly consumed in a brilliant white light. Everycreature averted their gaze, and held their breath as the light washed over them and shined out the windows into the sky above.
The first one to reopen their eyes after the light had passed was, naturally, Ann herself. And instantly, she was glad for the change in perspective.
“Oh, that’s so much better!” she exclaimed, stretching her forelegs and wings in a single go, admiring her tiny, once more foal-sized body, “I can’t believe you Alicorns have to look down on everycreature all day long! My neck would be so sore after that…!”
Now, Ann had long, long ago… assuming that for a three-month old, two odd weeks was a significant length of time… overcome her slight phobia of eyes and attention. But, as she stood in the center of the throne room, with every eye riveted to her, and every jaw hanging loose… it did start to get to her a little.
“What?” she asked, looking around, “Is it my voice? I kinda missed the little squeak.”
“Nay,” Luna more sighed than said, “tis not that…”
“Oh,” Ann stuck out her tongue in thought for a moment, and then said, “I suppose it’s the lisp, then. I turned off the safety features and tossed it. The joke was old, anyway...”
Discord, the only creature not staring, giggled. “No, no, it isn’t that, my little butterfly. Though, you were right; the joke had gotten stale long ago.”
As Ann turned around, something flashed across her vision. It was, naturally, her mane. Back to being a brilliant shade of pink with a black stripe throughout. Though… now it had the added bonus of a second stripe, brilliant and silver, running alongside the black!
“Oh! Cheese! We’re like twins now! Sort of…”
Moon growled, and with a bit more touchiness than he probably meant, cried out, “Oh for the love of… just look at your flank!”
Ann stared at the batpony, a confused and startled look on her face. “My… flank?” she went to look, “But, what could be on my…”
She did not gasp. Or, if she did, Ann did so at a level where even dogs would have trouble hearing. Her eyes dilated to pinpricks, and her own mouth joined all the others in falling down nearly to the floor.
For there, right on her flank, was…
“I… I have a…”
Ann leapt straight up, her wings carrying her all the way to the throne room ceiling in a single, mighty flap.
“I GOT A CUTIE MARK!!!”
Emblazoned on her flank, for all to see, and to forever prove her own ponyhood, Ann proudly displayed an eight-petaled pink flower, inset with a ring of eight black arrows.
Tiny, pink fireworks lit up the throne room as Ann spiraled up near its vaulted ceiling in an aerial dance of her own style, but no amount of conventional explosives could compare to the jubilous sound of laughing, cheering foals and stomping ponies down below.
Especially not when Pinkie Pie got involved. Under the light of bursting Chaos-fireworks, the pink party planning pony of preposterous pinkness, punditry, and precociousness merrily pulled a small, metal remote from the depths of her frizzy mane, and smiled greedily at its large, shiny red button.
As she raised a hoof to smash that button, a gruff cough interrupted her thought, and her attention was brought straight up to the towering Regent of Chaos.
“You’re not thinking of hogging all the fun now, are you?” Discord’s nose was, appropriately, piggish at just that moment. He pulled an ear of corn from nowhere and hungrily took a bite.
“I, uh, thought you’d be distracted,” the pink mare scratched the back of her head and tried to avoid Discord’s stare.
Discord leaned down to Pinkie’s level, and leveled her a condescending look only the Draconequus could pull off. “I’m not mad, you know. Just a little disappointed. I thought we were past this?”
Pinkie sighed, defeated, “Yeah, you’re right…” her eyes lit up, “… you wanna trade?”
The Regent of Chaos smiled a toothy smile, and quickly began unscrewing his paw. He tossed it to the party pony with ease, and caught the remote with his tail equally so.
“One…” he smirked, talon hovering over the button as he began the countdown.
“Pickles,” Pinkie counted, holding Discord’s pre-snap paw with a strand of pink mane.
And they both cried out together the final countdown.
“Albequerquee!”
One snap/button-press later, and Ann’s fireworks were suddenly joined by a volley of party-cannon fire from somewhere in the throne room. Tassels and paper and squee’ing horns blared, and the doors to the room threw themselves open, allowing the wait-staff to return with Pinkie’s previous order: dozens of tacos, chips and dip, an entire brass mariachi band, and what appeared to be a small hill made entirely out of cake. Celestia, especially, seemed intrigued by that treat’s appearance.
Finally, Pinkie’s old banner, congratulating Ann on avoiding becoming a true villain, flickered with Chaotic energy, and unfurled itself a second time. It now read:
ANN’S CUTE-CEAÑERA!
¡Sostén tus flancos porque todavía hay dos epílogos!
As Ann drifted back down to the ground, she was instantly mobbed by her friends, who rushed around Spike like a flood torrent and washed over the Ponequus as she landed. The rolling pile of foalish laughter and cheers brought out the first, true, genuine smiles of the day from the assembled adults.
“Let me see! Let me see!”
“What is it?”
“Looks like a…?”
Ann couldn’t be entirely sure who was saying what, due to being on the bottom of what was becoming a very heavy pile of foals. Still, this wasn’t a problem for long. With a touch of Chaos, she found herself at the bottom of that pony pile…
… and several feet away, leaning on a perplexed, but not terribly surprised, Cozy Glow.
“Chaos magic is really cheating, isn’t it?” the put-out pink pegasus pony pouted. She sat on her haunches, a bit of confetti settling atop her mussed mane.
“The best kind of cheating!” Ann laughed, drawing her other friends’ attention. When they examined the pony beneath them, they were still surprised to find Ann lying on the ground!
Pile-Ann grinned, blew a raspberry at her fellow Crusaders, and then popped into a cloud of yarn, cotton-balls, and plastic forks. The whole thing left Ann herself rolling on the floor, laughing away at her little prank, and for the first time in a long, long while, feeling like a foal again.
“Terribly sorry, dear,” Pearl gave an apologetic smile, “We’re just excited for you!”
Goldie nodded. “Yup! The Cutie Mark Crusaders are all Cutie’d up!” Then, she glanced curiously towards the ceiling and scratched at her beak in thought, “Uh, the ones of us who can get them, anyway…”
“And we’ve only been at this for a couple of weeks,” Cheese squinted as he said this, a worrying note shaking his voice, “Who… who wants to be the one to tell Apple Bloom…?”
Beau shrank away like a deflated balloon. He even whimpered a little.
“So, a flower, huh?” Flawless trotted up and took a moment to examine the mark in question. “Kinda weird, if you ask me.”
“Why?” Ann frowned, “What’s wrong with flowers?”
Flawless just shrugged, and gave the Ponequus a toothy smirk, “Eh, dunno. Doesn’t seem like you. I’d have expected a battle-axe, or a sledgehammer, or a bomb or something.”
“Oh, wow!” Ann’s irises grew large and starry, “That’d be so cool…! I wonder…?”
Moon and Dib zoomed in close as Ann half-seriously pondered that thought, hooves waving ecstatically.
“Don’t even think about it!” Dib snarled.
Moon pointed vigorously at Ann’s mark, “You get what you got… and you like it!”
Ann giggled at their annoyance, and tried to alleviate their worry, “Oh, don’t worry about it! I’m kidding!”
There was a mischievous glint in her eye just then, however.
“But an explosion Cutie Mark just screams Anarchy, don’t it?”
“Ann,” Shady shook his head, a smile on his face, “I’m pretty sure they’re about to scream ‘Anarchy’ in a minute if you don’t let up…”
Even the batpony and changeling had to join in the laughter this time. And with that moment of catharsis, the party got swinging in earnest.
But, while everycreature seemed content to try the food or cut a little rug to the band’s catchy tunes, Ann immediately ran into a bright, yellow-colored wall. A yellow wall that just so happened to take the opportunity to wrap Ann up in a feathery hug.
“I’m so proud of you,” Fluttershy whispered in her foal’s ear, and gave her cheek a quick kiss.
“Mom!” Ann gleefully whined, and returned the hug as tightly as she could.
Fluttershy held her foal like that for a number of seconds, before she finally released her, and gave another one of her perfect, motherly smiles towards Ann’s Cutie Mark.
“You know,” her eyes crinkled with happiness, “Flowers are a very nice Cutie Mark to get. They usually represent all the best, most pony of emotions.”
“They do?” Ann asked. A party hat snapped onto her head just as she said this, courtesy of a passing pink party pony.
Her dad chose that moment to drift past. “Pretty to look at, not good for much else, and they smell funny. Checks out…”
“Discord…” Fluttershy groaned.
“Oh, you know I’m just having fun,” he slid back down to the ground and offered both Ann and Fluttershy tacos topped with some of the cake frosting. As Ann took a big bite, and Fluttershy glanced around for a conveniently placed potted plant, the Regent of Chaos gave his little one a proud pat on the withers.
“Truth be told,” he whispered conspiratorially, “Flowers are a lot like ponies. They’re bright and colorful, and terribly weedy. Once they take root, it’s hard to pull them out.”
“Is… is that a metaphor?” Ann stared up at her father.
He shrugged, “Your guess is as good as mine. All I know is… your Cutie Mark isn’t just a flower.”
Fluttershy tilted her head, “You… you mean the arrows? Do you know what they mean?”
As Discord went to speak, he found a little yellow hoof blocking his way. Ann smiled up at him, and then nodded sagely towards her mother.
“It’s an eight-pointed star,” Ann said, casually, with the air of a storied professor speaking on their chosen subject, “Eight arrows, all pointing in different directions. What could be more Chaos than that?”
Fluttershy seemed surprised, both at Ann’s tone, and at what she had said. And then, she smiled again, and shook her head.
“You’re the best of both of us, then. That’s nice.”
“It’s better than nice!” Discord hefted both his favoritest ponies up into the air with a swell of his magic, catching Fluttershy under his arm, and Ann atop his back.
He grinned at the two, enjoying their shared giggle fit. “It’s splendiferous! It’s marvelous! It’s Quagmajastic! It’s Zootsuitinous! It’s…”
“Dad,” Ann said, simply.
Discord glanced up into the little eyes of his darling princess.
“You’re weird.”
She’d said it just like somepony might also have said, ‘I love you’.
And then, she whipped a cutlass out from nowhere, and pointed it towards the food table.
“But if ye don’t get us to the food table, that scallywag Cheese will make off with all the good stuff!”
“Oh, relax,” Discord chuckled, but still began to make his way towards his captain’s desire, “You’ll have plenty of time to eat before the epilogue.”
And so, with the Family of Chaos hurtling towards a small mountain of tacos, cake, and what looked to be a karaoke machine being assembled by a certain pink pony, the party was underway. It was a strange event, seeing foals of Ponyville’s most famous club rubbing shoulders with the Friendship Council members they’d grown up idolizing and listening to tales of, and even a couple of the immortal Alicorn Princesses themselves. Conga lines were formed, punch was drunk, and a food fight was fought after Dash got her hooves on Discord and made her displeasure on his previous screw-ups known.
But as the evening went on, a certain pink filly, holding a cup of punch with one hoof, made her way to the most out-of-place decorations the event hosted.
Cozy Glow glanced up into the faces of her once-allies. There was a look about her, as she contemplated how she’d only exchanged one prison for another, and how all her misdeeds and villainous goals had gotten her stuck here.
“Still,” she shrugged, and tossed her punch in Chrysalis’ face, “Sucks to be you two right now, doesn’t it?”
“…”
“I don’t think she heard the part about us getting parole.”
“I’m going to get out of here,” the Great and Powerful Changeling Queen Trixie said, low, and hungrily, “I’m going to be a model parolee. I’m going to ace the tests. I’m going to be the best. Friendship. Student. Ever…
“And then I’m going to find Cozy Glow, and skin her alive…”
“You know…”
Cozy’s blood froze. She slowly turned around, and looked up at the Ponequus lazily drifting by, without a care for gravity in sight.
“… those puppets really miss you,” Ann concluded with a smirk, and a bite out of her… cake taco.
The pegasus backed right up to the statue base, gripping it with all four hooves.
“I’ll be good, I swear!” she shivered.
Ann watched all this with a bit of amusement… and sadness.
“Hey, it’s okay Cozy,” she sighed, and settled down on the ground, “I’m not gonna do anything to you.”
“R-really?” Cozy stared at her tormentor with obvious, crystal-clear fear in her eyes, “How can I believe you?”
Ann’s eyes dropped to the floor, and the filly seemed to chew on something as she thought about that. Then, she looked back up with a pained look in her eyes.
“Because… this is both our paroles. And…”
Ann leapt up, and plopped herself down on the statue’s base. She held out one hoof to Cozy, and held that pose. The pink parolee looked at it. And looked at it. And looked at it…
Until she took it, and found herself up with the Ponequus of Chaos.
“… and because I really want this to work,” Ann nodded towards the party, “You know I’m not like most of the rest of them. I didn’t just… I don’t just accept apologies. There’s no ignoring the bad you do, ya know? Good doesn’t get rid of bad, so you gotta try to change, try to do good. Or… it’s all just good feelings and no good being done.”
She took a long swig of her punch.
“Ya dig?”
Cozy was very, very uncertain about what she’d just heard… but she also supposed she didn’t have much of a choice one way or another.
“You got any more punch there?” she asked.
Ann popped another cup into existence, and passed it to Cozy. Then, she raised her own, in a toast.
“To reforming villains,” she said, a hopeful light in her eyes.
“Yeah, whatever,” Cozy clicked her cup to Ann’s, then said, “I’ll most likely stab you in the back tomorrow.”
“That’s fair,” Ann laughed, “But that’s tomorrow Ann’s problem! Right now, I got a new friend, and she’s not enjoying the party. So… come on! There’s still one good conga line in this bunch, so let’s get in on it!”
The two hopped off the statue, and Cozy couldn’t help but feel… something. Right from when the Ponequus had said she thought Cozy was a friend, and through all the talk of conga lines… it felt… nice… like, friendship?
“Hey!”
Cozy came up short, watching the Ponequus shoot a funny look up at the Elements of Disharmony.
Ann smirked, “Your name’s actually Chrysalis. Tirek’s been messing with you this whole time.”
“Um…”
“Alright, First, I’m going to skin Cozy Glow…”
Cozy frowned. “Can… can you hear them in there?”
“Well, yeah. Now,” Ann shrugged, “I was serious about doing good to get rid of the bad. I’m nice enough to let you try and be good, Cozy…”
The Pony of Chaos chuckled.
“But you gotta try, right?”
Cozy could only nod, slowly, and fear for the ordeals ahead of her.
“You’re super weird,” she said, finally, as the two reached the forming conga line.
Ann smiled, and she only thought of the good times just ahead of her and her friends.
Spitfire could not be angrier, more put-out, peeved, cheesed-off, or otherwise upset by the current state of affairs.
Her city, Couldsdale, was still smoking. They’d stopped the pink stuff from billowing out of the factories, but black wasn’t a sight better.
The Prime Minister and her entourage were not only furious at what happened, but had called for another press conference to get the Minister’s grievances out on the radio, and her picture in the papers the next day.
The factory would need weeks of reservicing before they could put together a squall, let alone First Snow again.
It was looking like a mountain of paperwork, griping city officials, and endless complaints from here til Hearth’s Warming for Spitfire, as she sat on the edge of the cloud city, chin on hoof in silent, furious contemplation. The only good thing was that she’d been given leave for a week, along with everypony else who’d been accosted in the Weather Factory by that UCB (Unknown Chaos Being).
So, at least Soarin and Wildfire would get something out of all this…
The former Wonderbolt felt a feathery wing drape across her shoulders. She didn’t visually acknowledge it, despite the gesture being from Royalty.
“Well,” Flurry Heart chuckled, “It isn’t all bad, now is it?”
“It stinks,” Spitfire grumbled.
“Well, yes, it does,” the Princess sighed, “But at least we got to see something interesting…"
Spitfire’s eyes ticked up, away from the ground slowly drifting by, and towards the… thing towing them.
A purple earth pony, with a spinning-propeller hat on her head, and spirals in her eyes, looked back over her shoulder from where she was piloting a little tugboat, and waved back at the two ponies. The boat puttered across the sky, dragging the whole of Cloudsdale behind it, despite only being connected by a length of yarn from its stern to the bit of cloud where Spitfire was now sitting.
“Dash,” she whispered-growled, “This is one of your stupid adventures, I just know it. And I’ll get you for this.”
“Hm?” Flurry smiled, “Plotting revenge?”
“Plotting revenge.”
“Need some help?”
Spitfire glanced up to the Princess, and smirked. “Yeah. That sounds good.”
The festivities surrounding Ann’s Cutie Mark had gone on deep into the night. There was much carousing, cake, and punch to be had, and all would agree it was a merry time to be in the Palace of Canterlot. And as the evening hours got nearer and nearer to day, the guests began to turn in for a restful sleep, with the Cutie Mark Crusaders specifically enjoying a sleepover together at the Palace itself.
By this point in the evening, however, the Royal Sisters had taken flight from the Palace, and were on their way back to Silver Shoals, confidant enough now in Grogar’s redemption to not need to foalsit him back in Ponyville.
Well, to be honest, ‘taken flight’ implied many things which were not, strictly speaking, true. Such a phrase sounded noble, and left the impression in one’s mind of grace, and beauty, and the wonderment of Alicorn Princesses soaring majestically through the sky.
In truth, Luna was quite alright, not being one to overindulge at parties. Her magical aura was busy at the moment holding her sister Celestia’s wings out in a ridged, gliding position, the former Princess of the Sun and former Equestrian Diarch being stuck in the throes of a diabetic coma after consuming several times her weight in cake.
Luna wondered, if anypony were to look up now, would they assume she were towing a weather balloon?
Eventually, a snork from her left signaled Celestia’s return to the land of the living.
“Enjoyed yourself tonight, did we? Tia?” Luna smirked while maintaining their heading.
“Guh, blegh… ulp!” the rapidly green-shifting Alicorn spluttered.
“You know it’s going to take a lot of work, or a lot of spellcasting to burn off all that cake.”
“Gul… bluegh…”
Luna nodded, sagely, “True enough. True enough. I do hope it was a good idea leaving Grogar behind for now.”
“Jibb glaurg?”
“As glad as I am for his sudden contrition,” the Moon Princess looked back over her shoulder as though she could still see Ponyville or the Palace from here, “I was under constant surveillance once I had been freed of the Nightmare. I only hope he maintains this change for the better.”
“…”
“Quite right!” Luna laughed, “I suppose we will just have to leave it in Anarchy’s capable hooves.”
Luna’s ears perked up at a sudden, suspiciously squelching, retching sound to her left.
“Sister,” she chided, “Somepony could be below us right now! Either practice your breathing exercises or aim for a bush!”
“I’ll never get used to teleporting,” Rainbow Dash grumbled and felt her stomach churn once Twilight had popped back up to the castle. It had been nice, getting the longest part of the journey out of the way, but there was a reason Dash, and Applejack, for that matter, preferred the old-fashioned way of getting somewhere. She could have taken them all the way, but both mares agreed they’d need a little walk tonight.
“Won’t hear no complaint from me,” Applejack sighed as she looked up the familiar path along Ponyville’s outskirts that would lead her home. “But at least we can git ahead of this Frosted business now, before she causes a ruckus.”
Rainbow Dash glanced down at the Apple matriarch. “You think she’ll cause trouble?”
“Well,” Applejack sighed, “Granny apparently kicked her out of the family at some point, an’ she never thought ta talk about her ageen. So… I’m inclined ta think Frosted’s trouble. Even if she weren’t no zombie.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Dash said quietly, less sure of that answer than she thought she would be.
The two walked and flew, respectively, along the dirt road. The moon and stars were out, and the cool autumn air was precisely what they both needed after a few good hours partying with friends.
“How long would it take somepony to run all the way from Canterlot to Sweet Apple Acres anyway?” Rainbow Dash mused. “Bet a pegasus could do it in… oh, six hours!”
“You?” Applejack snorted, “Or jes’ a regular pegasus? Cause, I think ye got the advantage there, bein’ the fastest mare alive.”
Rainbow laughed, “Heh, nah! I could do it in ten minutes, flat!”
“Sure, ye can,” Applejack just smiled at her exuberant wife, “But now, you git the right earth pony, an’ I bet we could beat any pegasus down tha’ mountain.”
“Falling off the mountain doesn’t count!” Dash rolled her eyes, “It’s too close to flying, which is a moral win for the pegasi!”
“Not… sure that’s how it works,” Applejack shook her head and took a moment to air out her Stetson. Fighting it out with an Alicorn Cozy Glow, partying with their friends, and then fighting it out in a different sense with Discord over his whole magical-screw-up involving Applejack and Dash’s foal…
Well, it tired a pony out something powerful.
They were just coming over the last rise before the farm itself, when Rainbow’s head raised up suddenly, and she said, “Uh… AJ?”
Applejack replaced her hat, and took a look up at the blue pegasus. “Yeah? What’s up, sugarcube?”
“What… color did they say Frosted Apple was?”
Applejack closed her eyes and tried to recall the precise discussion they’d had earlier in the evening. “I think… pale coat, like cream. An’ a fiery red mane and tail. Why?”
Rainbow’s eyes narrowed, and she pointed down the road with one hoof.
“Because I think that’s her… and she’s with the family!”
One could say that Applejack had, over the past so many years, learned to slow down and take her time with all things. One could say that she was a temperate sort, who preferred to take a moment to think something through before she took action.
One had clearly not seen an Apple mare when her family was threatened. Applejack fired off at a gallop so quick that it took Dash almost a full two-seconds to catch up. They swept down the road, kicking up a wall of dust and debris behind them as they went.
Applejack’s nostrils flared, and her eyes narrowed as she reached the farm proper, and saw that… that creature standing in the middle of the clearing, just feet away from Apple Bloom, Big Mac, Sugar Belle, and their colt Big Sugar.
The crème-colored mare, with her red mane and tail, and black Stetson, stood like a ghoulish vision from one of those Penny-Dreadfuls Apple Bloom loved to read. A pale ghost, that’s all she was.
They’d heard the commotion made by Rainbow’s wings and Applejack’s thundering hooves. All eyes were on them in an instant… though more confusion than relief, as Applejack would have expected.
And then, the creature turned…
The moonlight glinted off her tear-stained cheeks.
The energy drained away from Applejack’s legs as she neared. Rainbow noticed, and kept pace with her, both of them coming up short of the others by a good couple yards.
“Applejack! Rainbow!” Apple Bloom waved a hoof in happy greeting, “We were jes’ talkin’ ta Frosted Apple here! She says she’s family!”
“Git away from her!” Applejack snapped back, startling the rest of the Apples.
The farm was silent, except for the echoes of that sharp shout. Big Sugar hid behind his folks, and Apple Bloom, despite the confusion and alarm on her face, followed her sister’s warning and took several steps backward.
Rainbow Dash glanced back and forth, between Applejack, and Frosted. There was clear concern in her eyes, but for once, she kept silent as well.
Frosted looked back at the Apples she’d been talking to, and then towards the newest arrival, whose presence practically screamed Matriarch. Frosted fidgeted on the spot, clearly a little shaken, not sure what she needed to say, or to whom.
“Frosted Apple?” Applejack glared at her.
“Ah reckon Ah am,” Frosted licked her lips and tried to settle her stance, “Ah come home.”
“This ain’t yer home,” Applejack growled, “From what I’ve been told, you were kicked out.”
Frosted’s ears drooped, “Ah… Ah’d hoped… Ah mean, Greeny did tell me ta fix mah ways…”
It was at the mention of her cousin that had Frosted’s ears back up, eyes widening with a realization. She looked at Applejack, and then gazed directly at the shawl around her neck.
Applejack’s hoof went up, protectively, like she might suspect Frosted would snatch it away. “What?”
“Greeny…” Frosted tilted her hat down, tried to hide the fresh tears, “She’s… she’s gone, ain’t she?”
Applejack’s tone softened, if only a bit, “’Bout ten years.”
Frosted sniffed, but kept her head down. “Ah’d hoped she’d be here. Then… then Ah could ‘pologize… Ah gots nowhere else ta go. She was the only one who…”
Something touched Frosted’s shoulder. She shivered, at first, to feel that first hoof. But there was a warmth in it that she couldn’t deny.
It was only when she felt feathers envelope her in a hug that Frosted looked back up to see the cyan mare with the rainbow mane trying to comfort her.
“Ah… what?” was all she could say.
“You good with kids?” Rainbow Dash smiled, “Or, can you do chores to earn your keep?”
Frosted blinked.
“Ah… Ah can do. Yeah.”
That seemed enough for Rainbow, who just nodded, and started past her towards the house. “Good enough! We’ll start you out easy until you figure out the routine again. Being dead, you might have forgotten some things.”
“DASH!” Applejack’s angry shout caused Frosted and the other three Apples to flinch.
But Rainbow Dash just kept walking.
“Dashie!” Applejack charged forward, “What in tarnation are you thinkin’? We don’t know a thing about her! She’s a zombie fer land’s sake!”
Rainbow Dash stopped, and turned her head around to watch Applejack catch up to her. Then, she said, with as serious of a tone as any had heard come from Rainbow Dash before, “Sugarcube? She’s family, right?”
“What?” that caught the Apple mare off-guard, “I… I guess, technically…”
“Well, there you go!” Dash smiled, “Family is family. Even when the seas are wide, even when they’re not here. And especially if they are!”
Applejack’s ears twitched. All anger flushed out of her in an instant, replaced by a haunting sense of… déjà vu.
“Where’d…?”
“Granny,” Dash said, simple as that, “Right before… well, we’d been together just a bit. And she wanted to make sure I understood what I was getting into.”
Dash looked over to Frosted, who’d been taking in the whole exchange with a look that hinged on the line between sorrow and hope.
“Come on, Frosted,” she said, “Let’s get everypony fed up. I bet some apple pie and ice cream is the best desert right now!”
The whole Apple family watched Rainbow Dash trot back inside, and listened for a moment as she started getting plates and the spread going.
“Huh,” Sugar Belle smiled, “Did… did Rainbow Dash just out-Apple the Apples?”
“Eeyup…”
“Sure did…”
And with that, Frosted and Applejack were left alone in the yard, their family heading in for a plate of pie and ice cream for a late evening supper. They each, without looking at the other, sat down on their haunches, with a distant look to them. They pulled off their Stetsons, and wiped their brows before settling the hats back on their respective heads.
Then, they looked at one another.
This… would take some time.
Early morning light filled the Palace at Canterlot, and there was hardly a single pony who was not glad to see it. Guards and staff were beaming, bright and cheerful faces drinking in the sunlight of a new day they might not have seen had things gone a little wrong the previous night.
Though, much of the cheer was from the Cutie Mark Crusaders having made their leave at sunrise. Yes, getting those troublemakers out of Canterlot had lifted a terrible weight from everyponies’ shoulders.
Besides, with the Princess Twilight and her usual entourage, there was always Canterlot’s local troublemakers to deal with.
Prince Blueblood sat at the Royal table this breakfast time. It was a fine meal, he observed. Fresh fruit, good toast, eggs, and merely decent-enough waffles, which told him that Spike had not been awake this morning to prepare breakfast himself. It would be beneath his royal pedigree to admit such a thing, but Blueblood did so enjoy breakfast with Twilight for that reason.
And, he shot a sour look across the table at the other guest of the Princess, Spike at least tries to mimic the decorum of the court, unlike certain mages…
Celeste had a cup of coffee sitting in front of her, along with a muffin of some variety. But she hardly noticed. Her eyes were shut tight, and a long line of drool hung precariously from her open mouth directly over her drink.
Blueblood merely shook his head and took a sip of his warm morning tea. How he missed bringing Pearl along with him for these morning meetings. As much as he disliked her taking away time from his and the Princess’s important discussions about the state of the realm, she was both a good conversationalist, and a far more pleasant sort of company entirely from this… this vagabond who called herself an Archmage.
It was a moment later, at the striking of the clock, that the doors to the chamber slammed open, and Princess Twilight made her cheery debut.
“Good morning, my little ponies!” she smiled and shouted as she entered, a truly massive stack of paperwork held in her purple aura.
Celeste jumped as the door slammed, her coffee spilling, and that drop of drool swinging up and striking her directly in the eye. It took all of Blueblood’s diplomatic training and skill to not guffaw and chortle at the table. He had to bite his lip to stop himself, as well. Tears welled up. It was all very dramatic.
Still, Celeste’s sputtering cries thereafter didn’t stop the Prince from also noting how, just before the chamber doors closed behind the Princess, a certain Royal Advisor and Councilor of Generosity could be seen darting down the hall, neither clearly wanting to be seen by anycreature if they could help it.
Good for them, he mused. Least I could do is wish those two lovebirds well…
“I’m up! I’m up!” Celeste righted her coffee and wiped furiously at her eye before trying to give her sovereign a bright and shining morning smile.
Judging by Twilight’s blink-and-you-miss-it grimace, she did not succeed.
“Good morning, Your Majesty,” Blueblood nodded solemnly to his superior, “And to what do we owe the pleasure of your good mood this morning?”
The answer he received was a sledge of paperwork slamming down hard onto the table, shaking and rattling the good porcelain.
“Legal technicalities!” she cried out, a joyful sparkle in her eyes. “We have two parole hearings to get through today before Dusk Court, and so many loopholes and treaties to overview before then!”
“Oh,” Celeste sipped at her coffee and shot her Princess a curious eye, “And that’s… good?”
“Good? It’s great!” the Princess scooped up a whole plate of eggs in her magic and quaffed it like Blueblood had only seen Yaks compare. “It means checking laws in three kingdoms, cross-referencing sentences, judgements, about two-thousand years of legal precedent…”
Twilight turned her exuberant eyes on Blueblood. “Vladimir! I need you to meet the representatives from Scorpan’s Kingdom. They should be here to discuss Tirek’s parole possibilities within the hour. And Celeste?”
The unicorn stiffened, and tried to make herself as presentable as possible.
“Take a shower, and then run interference with Pharynx,” the Princess nodded affirmatively, “I don’t want him shooting down our ideas for Chrysalis until I’ve had a chance to look over changeling law. This has got to go off without a hitch!”
And with that, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Equestria, went a-cantering off to her study to prepare for the day like a merry school filly.
Celeste Lulamoon sighed, wearily, and in resignation. There was really no helping it when the Princess was like this. She turned her head back around to breakfast… and caught Blueblood grinning at her across the table.
“What do you want?” she asked, irritably.
Blueblood chuckled. “Oh, nothing at all. It’s just… you have a bit of muffin in your mane.”
His giggling was cut short, as a whole muffin smashed directly onto the end of his muzzle. The Prince scowled up at the mage, sitting smugly across from him, a platter of such pastries held up in her aura.
“And?” she asked, a smile returned to her.
Blueblood sighed, and started planning which suit he needed to change into on his way to meet Scorpan’s people. It would be one of those days, he knew it.
“I’m just saying,” Discord, the Regent of Chaos, said as he sat astride a large luggage-case that was walking itself into Fluttershy’s old cottage, “She’s three months old, already took over my old job, and now she’s living on her own here! I’m so proud of our little Ann!”
Fluttershy followed her special somedraconequus into her old house, her own saddlebags filled with every conceivable thing Ann and Cozy would need. It had been decided that living in the realm of Chaos might not be the healthiest thing for the little megalomaniac at the moment, and so Fluttershy had offered her old place for Ann and her ward to live.
“Like a long-term sleepover!” Ann had cheerfully declared.
“I know she’s capable,” Fluttershy sighed, “I just… wish she didn’t have to move away. Even if ‘away’ is just over here.”
The beaming Draconequus snapped his fingers and caused the luggage to burst at the seams, spraying the living room with blankets, scarves, polka-dotted underwear, more than a few of Ann’s school assignments, and several photographs of the Ponequus and her friends. Fluttershy reached out with a wing and grabbed at a few of the pictures, only to pause as she looked at them.
There was Ann and her friends after the big Buckball game, laughing and eating cake in the center of an arena built just for them. Ann looked positively exhausted in the picture, but she was smiling so brightly…
Ann and Cheese, surrounded by Angel Bunny’s family. Angel was scowling, but all his dozens of kits were thrilled to pile atop the little ponies. They were especially thrilled by the large, carrot-shaped rocket in the background…
“In hindsight,” she hummed, “it was good we shut that down before it got started.”
And the third picture…
Fluttershy hardly noticed Discord’s work preparing the cottage. She barely was aware that he was tossing streamers about, laying down beartraps, or rearranging the furniture so that no two chairs quite lined up with each other. She didn’t even notice when he nailed Cozy’s bed upside down to the ceiling.
But he noticed. After completing his prep, Discord looked over to see his favoritest pony in the world staring at one of those photographs… and crying.
“Fluttershy?” he asked, voice cracking with worry, “Is… is everything alright? Did the photo hurt you?”
Fluttershy sniffed, and shook her head. The smile on her lips allayed all fears, and could have made the sun rise all on its own, the Regent of Chaos did not doubt.
He went to join her in the middle of the room, and looked himself at the picture she held so dearly.
“I look horrible,” he said, smiling as well.
The picture, taken by an animated teapot, if Discord remembered correctly, was a simple one. Fluttershy was front and center, a gentle, motherly smile on her face, with Discord, sweaty and rundown, standing behind her.
Their eyes weren’t looking anywhere near the camera. They were too captivated by the tiny bundle in Fluttershy’s embrace. The one with a little button nose, a pink and black mane, and the tiniest little fuzzy white eyebrows you’d ever see.
“Things were so simple then,” Fluttershy sighed.
Discord snorted, softly, “Right. I seem to recall you crying almost as much as Ann back then.”
“I did not!” her smile didn’t move from where it was, “Though… that first night I was a bit upset when she turned Angel into a squeaky toy.”
“Oh, no. That was me,” Discord grinned, “But it was still Ann who turned all of the books in the house into flamingos…”
“Oh, yes,” Fluttershy giggled, “That’s right…”
The two stood together, arm over withers, hoof in paw, gazing lovingly at the pictures of their little one for… well, as much as Time meant anything to one such as Discord, it was a while. And yet, they never tired of it.
It was those warm memories, stirring in Fluttershy’s mind and heart that did it. She would always worry for Ann, the daughter who grew up so fast. But…
“I want another one.”
Discord blinked. He wasn’t sure he quite heard her.
“I beg your pardon?”
Fluttershy leaned into his side, and gave the Draconequus a nuzzle. “Ann is my wonderful, wonderful foal. Now, and forever. I love her with all my heart. But, um…”
The pegasus sighed, and looked back to the pictures.
“I didn’t really get to have her… as a foal. Not for long. I sort of wish I could do it… again. Slower.”
Discord’s head came down to level with hers, and he gave Fluttershy a worried look, “My dear, you know not to tease me like this.”
“Would it really be so bad?” she asked.
“You have to ask?” Discord rolled his eyes, “Have you been awake for the last few weeks? Have you seen how much Chaos even one foal of ours brought to our lives!?”
Fluttershy’s smile twitched, which caught Discord’s eye at once. It hadn’t faltered. No, no, indeed not! Her smile, for just a moment…
She looked positively mischievous!
“Again, would that be so bad?”
It took Discord a few moments to pick his jaw, and his tongue, off the floor. A superior smirk was working its way onto his smarmy face, when… a twinge of fear took hold.
Fluttershy noticed right away. “What’s wrong?”
“Well, it’s just…” Discord swallowed, “You want this to be… slower?”
She nodded.
“Like, regular pony style? Diapers and everything?”
Again, she nodded.
“Pinkie Pie had a fit when we skipped that part, plus the…” he blushed, “the bit that’s supposed to come before that. You know? With the bloating, and the… fluids…”
As the Regent of Chaos began to choke on the… “miracle” of pregnancy… Fluttershy’s smile only grew.
She reached up, and gave her beloved a soft kiss on the cheek. She then reached back, and with a little tug, pulled loose two little feathers from her wings.
Fluttershy dropped them both in Discord’s open paw.
“Well,” the usually shy and nervous pony said with a hint of iron, and half-lidded eyes, “That’s Pinkie’s problem. Discord?”
“Y-yes, my love?” He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the most beautiful creature in all the Multiverse.
“Let’s make some magic…”
“And would your spawn enjoy a carbonated beverage with his muffin today? Or would the lifeblood of an apple poured into a glass be sufficient?”
Sugarcube Corner was experiencing something of a swell in customers that morning, nearly double the usual. Pumpkin and Pound Cake were all too busy running deliveries around Ponyville to cover the other aspects of the business, and so had called in Cheese and Pinkie Pie to help them out a bit during the rush. Pinkie was remarkably perky, considering she had just thrown some royal shindig up at Canterlot, but that was just Pinkie Pie for you.
They hadn’t expected Pinkie to bring along another employee, however. A rather dour, even sinister, ram. The most they got out of Pinkie’s rapidfire explanation was that he was family, or close to it, and that he was working off a debt by helping Pinkie, and therefore, Sugarcube Corner.
It was all rather strange. But, then again, their favorite foalsitter usually had things well-in-hoof, so why worry?
Grogar stared, hatefully, into the eyes of the mare he’d just spoken to, even as the Cake twins moved in and out of the kitchen door behind him, completely oblivious.
The mare herself, a young mother of golden coat and a minty green mane, did not return the gaze. She was far more captivated by what was happening in the kitchen, just over his shoulder.
The door, one of those ones that swung in and out, opened.
Pinkie Pie was… shivering all over? No, her ear twitched, and then her left eyelid, then her tongue stuck out. That would be the famous Pinkie Sense, if the mare had heard anything about it.
The door swung the other way.
Pinkie Pie was… distraught. Tears welled up in her eyes, and her breathing was shallow.
“No…” she whispered, which seemed to catch her husband’s attention, “No, they… they can’t do this to me again…”
“Pinkie? What’s…?”
The door swung in.
Cookie trays went flying up into the air. Cheese Sandwich leapt to and fro trying to catch falling utensils and loose dough.
All the while, Pinkie was screaming, “THEY CAN’T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT!!!”
The door swung out.
The back wall was on fire. Cheese was screaming. Pinkie was screaming. The fire sprinklers were shooting frosting instead of water.
Grogar hadn’t flinched. His cold, dead eyes starred into the ordering mare’s soul, and demanded an answer.
“Will that complete your order, ma’am?”
All things considered, school had gone well for Ann and her friends that day. Sure, they had to explain to Silver Spoon how they had nearly toppled the Equestrian government and let loose one of the worst villains in their history upon an unsuspecting world… but after that explanation, she just mouthed the word ‘Crusaders’ and went about her day as usual.
With the ringing of the final bell, all the colts and fillies were now free for the day. Dib, Goldie, and Moon had decided to go for an afternoon flight over the gorges, and took off as soon as they were able. Shady, Flawless, and Pearl were invited to a small reading club that had formed under Ponyville’s newest librarian, Luster Dawn, with Shady mostly going so he could try and get Trixie Lulamoon’s autograph. They had split off from the others about halfway through the town.
Beau had earned himself an apprenticeship, and made his way straight to Yona’s Boutique once they'd gotten just past City Hall. He seemed very excited to learn about Prench style stitching.
This left Ann, Little Cheese, and Cozy Glow to make their way back to Ann’s home. Ann was content to trot all the way there, while Cozy buzzed along, a scowl practically etched onto her face.
Cheese… bounced. In a very Pinkie-like manner.
“Doesn’t that hurt?” Ann stared at her friend’s knees, certain they would shatter any moment.
“Nah,” Cheese shook his head, “I just gotta pretend they’re rubber, and it works out.”
Cozy Glow, for the first time in what felt like hours, said, “Eugh. You really are Pinkie’s kid, aren’t you?”
“Indubitably!” Cheese laughed, and bounced even higher.
The pink pegasus rolled her eyes at this. As they continued to pass through the town, she tried not to take note of all the attention she was getting. It seemed like, ever since the school, everywhere Cozy looked there was a familiar face.
Here, that shopkeeper looked like one of the snotty little colts she had tricked, as a prank, into believing the unicorns were going to take his hooves away. And there, by a swing-set, was a young mother Cozy swore she once talked into thinking griffons were disease-carriers.
Some good, low-key villainy back in the day. Now? Just the weirdest form of déjà vu she could ask for.
“Huh,” Ann shook her head and glowered a little, “I can’t believe this town.”
“What now?” Cozy raised an eyebrow.
Ann pointed around with a hoof, and said, “I’ve been doing kooky stuff around town for weeks now. I fly around on a giant marshmallow, I turn clouds into bicycles… heck, I once led a parade of onions through the town square… and as soon as they get a look at you, they’ve all forgotten about me!”
“Ann?” Cheese looked over at his slightly fuming friend, “I thought you didn’t like attention?”
“I’d like some recognition for the good Chaos I spread,” she huffed, “But, apparently, the only thing ponies like these days is a former villain walking around.”
Cozy snorted, “Are you kidding? They hate me!”
Ann stopped, dead in her tracks. Her face scrunched up, and twisted, and finally settled into a look of utter bafflement. “What? Why?”
“Because I tried to destroy and conquer the world, like, twice?”
“But…” Ann scratched her head with a wingtip, “Miss Silver Spoon likes you.”
“Silver Spoon spat on the floor when I came in,” Cozy frowned.
“Oh, I thought she was coming down with something,” Ann glanced down at her hooves.
Cheese, lightly bobbing up and down now that he wasn’t moving, shrugged and gave Cozy a little smile. “Well, look on the bright side.”
Cozy glared at the colt, and waited for him to elaborate.
He, eventually, realized she was waiting on him. “Oh, um… the bright side is that you got years and years to make them like you!”
“Oh yeah!” Ann yipped happily, “Your parole is gonna be, like, forever! So, you’ve got all the time in the world to turn things around.”
Cozy’s scowl… deepened. She floated in place, not giving a single, outward sign she’d heard anything the two foals had said.
“But,” Cheese grinned, “I know one way you can start making amends around here…”
The angry pink filly glared at Cheese. Then, through gritted teeth, she asked, “How?”
He coughed to clear his throat, and held out a hoof to point directly at Cozy.
“Apologize.”
“… Excuse me?”
“The first step to moving on from a bad thing,” Ann sat at a lectern, her professor-voice in full swing, “is to admit wrongdoing, and ask for forgiveness.”
Cozy snapped, “Yeah! I know what apologizing is!”
“Well, then apologize,” Cheese said, helpfully.
“For what!?”
Cozy felt a chair pop into existence under her, and a table joined it before her. Her forehooves were connected to the table by a chain, and Ann leaned over it towards her, dressed in a trench coat and hat like she was a character out of a Shadow Spade novel.
“Fer pluggin’ Cheese!” Ann mugged, “Ya canned him. Put him on ice. Sent him up ta sing-sing in a pinewood express. Deep-sixed. You gave him the Big One. The Big Sleep. The…”
“I think she gets it, Ann,” Cheese chuckled.
Cozy just sighed, “I really don’t. But I guess this is about me… shattering you?”
The table and chair vanished, leaving Cozy to plop down on her flank.
“Basically,” Cheese smiled, and held out a hoof for Cozy. The pink pegasus slapped his hoof aside and got herself up instead.
She stood there, glaring at the two foals she would probably be stuck with forever… and sighed.
“I’m… Cheese, I’m sorry I killed you.”
Cheese narrowed his eyes at Cozy, and scratched his chin. He seemed lost in thought for a moment, before he gave a solid nod.
“That works for me.”
“Awesome!” Ann cheered and wrapped the two up in a batwing hug, “Friendship Goals!”
“I hate all of you!” Cozy gasped for air amid Ann and Cheese’s laughter.
The three ended the hug after another moment, and continued their way onto the cottage, where Ann and Cozy would begin the latter’s lessons in friendship…
Ann’s eyes widened. A flash of silver and pink light snapped all across her form, like a zap of electricity running up a line. It left her mane and tail sticking straight up for a few seconds, and her eyes twitching with impossibilities.
“Oh… no…” she gasped, and turned to Cheese.
The yellow and pink colt looked like he’d licked a power outlet, his whole body still shaking slightly from a Pie Sensory Overload. The silver stripe in his hair blazed with pink light for a split second, just like Ann had just done.
“Cheese,” she said, an urgent fear overtaking her, “You know what this means!”
“Uh,” Cozy glanced between the two. She’d seen something, but the way these two were acting…
“It’s a sequel hook!” Cheese placed a hoof at his temple, “I… I never thought things would get this bad!”
Ann placed one hoof on Cheese’s shoulder, and met his eyes with her own. She willed determination into him, and the Pie seemed to steady.
She nodded, and said sternly, “We’ve prepared for this. Quick! To the cottage!”
The two bolted down the road, kicking up dust as they flew on hooves powered by a sudden, mighty determination.
Cozy just sighed, and waited for the—
Pop!
--teleportation effect to—
Pop!
--get her there.
But, as she neared the cottage, 50 yards at a time, which Cozy kinda remembered as being Professor Fluttershy’s old home, she couldn’t help but notice the windows were… glowing.
Ann reached the door first, and with a flick of her magic, opened it wide, letting loose a wave of blinding, white light.
“Mom!” she cried out into the light, “Dad! What’s going on!?”
The light receded. It took Ann several seconds to adjust to the new light levels, alongside Cheese… Cozy slowly made her way to the cottage from where the Lock spell had last deposited her, so she hadn’t been blinded at all. But as their eyes adjusted, there was a sight to behold.
Discord sat with Fluttershy, on the floor, in the middle of the living room. And held in both of Fluttershy’s forelegs were two little bundles.
Fluttershy looked up as the door opened, and smiled warmly at Ann.
“Would you… like to meet your siblings?”
“S-siblings?” Ann’s eye twitched.
Cozy’s did the same, though in a more defeated form. “There’s more of you…”
Despite her shock, the Ponequus walked forward, and took in the two, whimpering forms of her… siblings.
“That one,” Discord pointed out the one on the left, “is Mayhem, or May. And that one is Frenzy!”
Fluttershy sighed, “I did get to name Ann on my own, I suppose…”
Ann stared down at May. She was a little thing, gray-coated like her dad, with a true nest of a black and pink mane. She had a single horn, shaped like a changeling’s, and her eyes were every bit like Ann’s own as she peeked out at the world for the first time.
May squirmed, and managed to get a pair of pink butterfly wings loose from her swaddling. She cooed appreciably as her wings felt the cool air.
The other one, Ann turned to next, was a brilliant, pink colt with a white, misty, even ethereal mane. His eyes were deep blue, like Fluttershy’s, and he had both tiny little pegasus wings, and a crystalline, blue unicorn horn.
Ann’s eyes were wide with wonder as she took them in.
Then…
“You didn’t make an Alicorn, did you?” she looked plaintively up at Discord.
“Perish the thought!” the old Draconequus huffed, “As if I’d be so unoriginal! Zee here is merely a humble Ponequus, like yourself. He just… happens to look like an Alicorn, that’s all!”
“And May looks a little like a changeling because…?”
Discord waved his claw irritably, “Easy reference material, plus the butterfly theme fits with your mother…”
Fluttershy giggled and nuzzled her new foals. “It does!”
“… and why the third degree?” Discord snorted, “I didn’t expect the Ponish Inquisition…”
Ann, nearly destroying herself with restraint not to play off that old joke, finished giving her father a suspicious look… and nodded to her little sister and brother.
“They’re pretty cute, I guess.”
Cheese, sweating slightly, glanced back out the door, and then back in before he asked, “Ah, can I maybe stay the night? I… don’t think my home’s gonna be safe for a while after this…”
“Oh, yeah!” Ann’s eyes lit up, “We can have a little ‘New Babies and New Cozy’ party!”
Cozy grumbled. “Let’s not…”
It was at that precise moment that a little egg popped into existence, just a few feet above everycreature’s head. The whole Chaos family looked up, and watched the egg’s swift progress as it dropped from the cottage rafters…
Directly onto May’s head, where it cracked open and splattered mayonnaise all over the filly's face.
Everycreature gasped, Fluttershy most of all… except for little Zee, who began to giggle uncontrollably.
“Oh,” Discord winced, “I don’t like where this is going…”
Mayhem snarled. And as the little one glared, her brother’s swaddling popped away, leaving what appeared to be an itchy, itchy Hearth’s Warming sweater. The pink colt whined, and started scratching himself with his hooves, all to his sister’s tittering.
Ann looked up to meet Fluttershy’s eyes. Far earlier than is usual, Ann realized that her parents could make mistakes, and didn’t know all the answers. This, she contemplated, as her two newest siblings began rolling on the ground in the most adorable little fight she could ever imagine.
Well, adorable because it included babies. Less adorable was the constant bursts of red and blue Chaos that shifted the floorboards into different varieties of cheese, turned the furniture into tiny, dancing Discords, and caused a rather put-out Angel to drift slowly by in a bubble of anti-gravity.
Ann knew she had to say it. It was the obvious joke ending. And after avoiding the inquisition reference earlier, she knew she didn’t have the strength to object this time.
“Here we go again…”
Epilogue 2 - Canon? We don't need no stinking Canon!
Twilight’s sun dipped below the horizon, at last bringing the day to an end. The orange hues bled out of the streets of Ponyville, replaced by the deeper purples, and eventually the blues of night. The grand old city had seen many sunsets like this one, and would see many more like it in the eons to come.
But for one couple, making their way out of town, towards the top of Kite Hill, the highest natural elevation near the city, this would be their last in this world.
For Discord and Fluttershy, the Former Spirit of Chaos and the Element of Kindness, respectively, were ready to die.
“You know?” the ancient, silvered mare mused, “I remember when we renamed it Kite Hill. Starlight’s funeral was so beautiful. I wish Sunburst had lived to see it.”
Discord, hardly changed by the centuries since his retirement, pushed along his wife’s chair and chuckled, “I think you didn’t mean to be cruel with that wish, my love.”
“Oops!” Fluttershy blushed, “I forgot! Please, don’t think poorly of me. I’m so forgetful these days…”
Discord leaned down and gave her a soft peck atop her silver mane, “Never. It’s natural for a pony your age to be a little forgetful.”
“Hm,” Fluttershy nodded, “Oh… how old am I again? Funny thing, memory.”
“Four-hundred and eighty-eight!” Discord loudly pronounced as they crested the hilltop, “But you don’t look a day over two-hundred. By design, you know…”
The two slowed down. Or, rather, Discord slowed down, and the chair-bound mare had to oblige him. They sat beneath a sea of stars, both looking up for a moment to marvel at the heavens one last time. A Draconequus paw settled onto Fluttershy’s shoulder, and her hoof held onto it in turn.
A small cough, however, interrupted their quiet moment.
“Um, hi?” Anarchy, Princess of Chaos, waved a hoof at her parents, who now turned to look at her. “What… is this?”
“What do you mean?” Fluttershy frowned, “Is something the matter?”
“Besides the fact that you’ve suddenly gotten old?” Ann trot forward, looking over her shoulder at the city below the hill, “I mean, Ponyville looks like Manehattan right now. And I’ve gotten taller again. So, yeah. Something’s the matter.”
Discord gave Ann a look she’d only seen once or twice on her father’s face, and neither of those occasions were very good. He scrunched up his nose and sneered in her direction.
“Dad? What’s wrong with you? Seriously, a minute ago, we were all hunky-dorey getting to know Zee and May…”
Ann looked about, growing concern on her face, “Oh no! Where are the babies!?”
“Babies?” Fluttershy shook her head, “Ann, you’re not making any sense! May’s been working in Canterlot for… oh my, centuries now. And Frenzy…”
Fluttershy looked away, “Well, he always took more after his uncle in that regard…”
“What?” Ann sputtered, “Centuries? Canterlot? Uncle Zephyr? What?”
It was then that Ann noticed her father’s face shift. Before, he seemed positively peeved, like she had just interrupted something important. Now though, he almost looked… scared? No, concerned. Definitely concerned.
Discord glanced between Ann and Fluttershy several times, in rapid succession. Seeming to have made up his mind, the Draconequus reached over, and snapped his fingers right in front of his wife.
Fluttershy fell fast asleep, instantly. Magically. Her adorable little snores only confirmed it.
“Please,” Discord said with a pleading tone to his voice, “Please tell me you know what an Epilogue is?”
Ann frowned and threw up her forelegs, “Epilogue? Of course, I know what an epilogue is! What do you think I am? An idiot?”
She put on her best pout and crossed her forelegs in front of her. Then, with just the right amount of huff, she added, “But, for the benefit of the readership, why don’t you explain to them what an epilogue is?”
Discord gave a flat look to his daughter, and raised one eyebrow suspiciously.
“Ahem,” Ann coughed again, then smiled sheepishly, “Please?”
This got the former Lord to smile, and roll his eyes mirthfully. He began walking to the edge of the hill, and beckoned Ann to follow. They approached the edge, where Discord took his seat. Ann sat down beside him, and leaned in, as though she were listening to a story.
“Alright,” he began, “So… when you tell a story, what parts do you need?”
Ann frowned, and stuck her tongue out in thought. “I… think Miss Silver Spoon didn’t get to that part with us. Shady says he likes stories where everything makes sense…”
Discord pinched the bridge of his nose, “Okay, let me make this simple. Every story begins. Every story has something happen in it, and then every story…?”
He left the last part hanging for Ann, and she was quick to pick up the pattern he was laying out for her.
“Ends,” she said, “Every story needs… an ending…”
“Good! Glad you can follow along.” He held out his claw, and waved it about theatrically, “But sometimes, there aren’t enough endings to an ending. Sometimes, where the story should stop, and where the author wants it to stop, are two entirely different things.”
“I don’t think I get it,” Ann laid down in the grass, “If the story stops… then the story stops. There can’t be more ending than the ending… right?”
She felt her dad’s talons take hold of her cheek.
“Ah, my darling little thing,” Discord chuckled, “Proof that you don’t know quite everything yet!”
Ann didn’t resist, per say, but she didn’t much care for the cheek-pinching. Never did. Never will. Once he let go, she rubbed the sore spot and thought over her father’s strange remarks.
“Hmmm,” she hummed, “So… an epilogue is when the writer makes a mistake?”
Discord shrugged, “Close enough. He forgot to put more of something or somepony in his story, and desperately wants to throw some more in before it’s all over and he can’t anymore.”
“Can’t? Anymore?” Ann’s face morphed from confusion, to concern, to suddenly fearful. “Does… does that mean he’s not gonna write about us anymore!?”
“Ann…” Discord tried to speak calmly.
“OMIGOSH!” Ann leapt up into the air, “But I still had so much to do! So much to experience!!!”
“Ann…”
The Ponequus spun around in the air, pulling at her ears. “Did… did I not try hard enough? Didn’t people like my stories!?”
“Ann!”
“Was there fanart!? TELL ME THERE WAS FANART!!!”
Deciding that he’d had enough of this, Discord stuck his pinky talons into his mouth and let loose a shrieking whistle. The sound split the air, and cracked more than a few windows in the city down below. Far in the distance, one could hear car alarms going off.
Ann landed on her haunches, and covered her ears through the ordeal, even keeping her eyes shut, just in case. When it was all over, she slowly lifted her head, and looked up at her father.
“He’s going to write more of us, you know?” Discord said, warmly, with a smile. “He’s just got a bunch of other projects to get to.”
“Oh… that makes sense,” Ann mumbled. Her cheeks practically glowed in the night, so embarrassed was she.
Then, her face went all quizzical again. “But… wasn’t the last chapter an epilogue?”
“Can’t have too many epilogues, in my opinion.” Discord chuckled, and began walking around the hill top.
Ann pondered this.
“So…” she tapped her chin, “Why is this epilogue so much further ahead than the last? I… I was kinda hoping to be a foal for a while…”
Discord nodded, knowingly, “And you will. Jumping ahead like this doesn’t set anything in stone.”
“It doesn’t?”
“It doesn’t.”
“Then,” Ann waved her hoof about, trying to collect her thoughts, “Why is that? What’s the point?”
Discord smirked, and raised his eyebrows magnificently.
“Why, my dear,” he laughed, “Because this isn’t canon!”
“It’s…” Ann was taken aback, “It’s not?”
“Nope!” Discord smiled with glee, “Right now, anything is possible! The author wanted so desperately to have one more go with us before wrapping up that he went ahead and plotted this out!”
“Then what’s the point!?” Ann scowled, “If nothing matters…”
“Then everything matters!”
“That… that doesn’t make sense,” Ann shook her head.
Discord just nodded. “Yes. And?”
Ann paused in thought.
“Oh,” she sighed, “I guess that would make this…”
“Chaos Central!” little fireworks went off as Discord laughed.
Ann facehoofed, again. This was yet another of her Dad’s weird Chaos ventures. She’d thought she’d be done with these things by now.
“So… what?” she said, “We get to just… spout off headcanons and crackships to our hearts’ content?”
The way Discord’s smile kept growing, Ann was certain he’d pop before too long. And when that happened, she was not cleaning up the mess.
“But why does Mom have to be old?”
Discord sighed, and sat down in front her again. He pulled a chunk of grass out of the hill, revealing it to be filled with nougat, which he began sucking on with wild abandon.
“Basically,” he said in between mouthfuls, “This writer guy came up with a little Tolkien homage way back when he started planning this all out. But, in the meantime, things changed. Ideas changed. And before you know it, he had that whole ‘Twilight investigating Alicornhood for her friends’ subplot.”
“Oh, yeah,” Ann nodded, following along, “Guess that’s gonna come up with the sequel? Or, anthology? What the heck is he doing…?”
Discord waved her concerns away, “Regardless, things changed, but he liked the idea too much to delete, so here we are. We have a nice family moment, hint at some lore that may…”
“Or may not!” Ann smiled at the notion, now catching onto what this whole business was about.
“… come to pass!” Discord cheered, “And then wrap up the whole series for the moment with a song!”
Ann frowned again, “A song?”
“Well,” he shrugged back, and hopped up to his feet, “Theme song. I guess he listens to it while writing you.”
“That’s not weird or creepy at all,” Ann groaned.
Discord walked back over to where they’d left Fluttershy snoozing. “Now, help me out with this, have some fun, and let’s give your mother a nice ‘Grey Havens’ type send-off before the author makes everyone immortal and ruins his own alt-verse.”
“Would that be so bad?” Ann trotted over to where she thought she’d been standing before.
“Eh,” Discord shrugged, “Personally, I like the sadder stories where everyone dies. They’re more realistic, and they tend to have Twilight maturing and moving past loss, like a real person ought.”
“She’s a magical purple horse!”
“Irrelevant!” Discord brought his talons up, ready to snap the story back on track, when he looked over to Ann and asked, “We need to seed more lore stuff. Who’d you ship yourself with?”
“What?”
He persisted. “Come on, who’d you ship yourself with? Cheese? I know you liked him enough to go evil…”
“What!?” Ann’s eyes flashed fire as she realized what he was asking, “Ew! Dad! No! I’m three-months old! I shouldn’t be shipping with anycreature!”
“You’re a couple centuries old right now…”
“Stop it! You’re my Dad! Stop thinking about it!”
Discord huffed. “Fine! I was just trying to be an involved parent…”
“Just snap your dang fingers already!” she scowled, “And stop thinking about my love life before I do!”
The Draconequus quickly snapped his fingers, and Fluttershy awoke. She groggily lifted herself up in her chair, and yawned deeply. Then, almost embarrassed, she looked around, and blushed.
“Oh my! I didn’t mean to nod off there!”
Ann walked up to her, smiling, “Ah, it’s okay, Mom. It’s past bedtime, right?”
“Oh, yes. I suppose it is,” Fluttershy looked up at her husband again, “Didn’t you say there was something to see up here?”
“In a while, my dear,” Discord patted her head, “Just a little while, then I’ll show you my surprise.”
The three took up a spot atop the hill, and took in the stars once more. They’d shifted and changed in the short time they’d been up tonight, courtesy, no doubt, of a bored and awake Luna killing time before her next…
“Gig?” Discord offered, glancing curiously over at Ann.
“I guess?” she hummed for a moment before saying, “Maybe she’s a DJ?”
Discord frowned, but said nothing. He clearly didn’t approve, but it had already been established in the canon-not-canon of the epilogue.
“It will just be Twilight left,” Fluttershy sighed, wiping away a little tear, “She’ll only have Flurry Heart and her family, and Celestia and Luna… oh, and Celeste…”
“Liches…” Discord scoffed and rolled his eyes in contempt.
“Gesundheit,” Ann whispered.
“… and then there’s the Apples, the Pies, Ann, May, Zee, my animals…”
Fluttershy blinked a few times, and for once not to look past a cataract.
“Um, on second thought, I think Twilight will be fine, actually. It sounds like she’s still got a lot of us around…”
Fluttershy slightly leaned forward, and began glancing around.
“Mom?” Ann frowned, “What’s wrong?”
“Just feels like somepony is missing,” the elderly mare continued looking about. Then, she looked to her daughter, and asked, “Where’s Cozy Glow?”
Ann’s lips tightened. She’d completely forgotten about her parolee! The Ponequus looked up to her father, panic settling in.
Discord shrugged, and mouthed back, ‘Make something up!’
So… that’s what she did.
“Cozy… um,” Ann patted the grass at her hooves, “She’s… fine.”
“Fine?” asked Fluttershy.
“Fine!?” Discord gritted his teeth.
“Yes,” Ann nodded, “Um… we’re fine.”
“We?” asked Fluttershy.
“WE!?” Discord began tearing his ears off.
“Yes,” Ann licked her lips, thinking fast. Too fast. “We’re married, remember?”
Discord’s teeth clenched so hard they shattered. Fluttershy’s eyes widened, slightly… but then she just nodded, and smiled once more.
“Oh, yes. I forgot. The grandfoals were cute, at least…”
Ann took a step out of Fluttershy’s view and started silently retching and choking. Discord joined her, quickly pouring both a cup of seltzer. That being downed, Ann pulled a pair of ear-mufflers out, and placed them over Fluttershy’s head from behind.
“What was that!?” she whispered, shocked and disturbed by what she’d said.
“A good sign I need to take you to improv classes when we get back to Continuity,” Discord shivered, “Eugh… grandfoals…”
“Don’t remind me!”
“Well, we’d better stop before this Not-Real-Reality can’t take it anymore,” Discord glanced around, wondering aloud about the universe’s stability, “Don’t want Lil Cheese to have turned into an accountant or something…”
Ann grabbed her father by the shoulder, and forced the Draconequus to face her. “Look, Dad… Mom’s supposed to be the reader, right? That’s the metaphor we’re working with here?”
“Right,” he nodded.
“Good,” Ann frowned, “So, you want to give her a good send-off? Give the readers a good send-off? Then, now. Do it, now!”
“Alright. Alright!” he sighed, “Spoilsport…”
Ann smirked, “They’ve already read over a hundred-thousand words, you know. Don’t want to drag out that good will any more than we have to. Now get on with it!”
Fluttershy, ear-mufflers still on, gasped. “Oh no!”
Ann whipped them off her mother’s head and leaned in close, “What’s wrong?”
The Element of Kindness blushed, “I forgot about Sombra. He and Twilight’s anniversary is coming up soon. Wish I’d left a gift or something…”
Ann and Discord shared a look. It was angry. It was disgusted.
“Right,” Discord sighed, “Shipping was a dumb idea. This needs to end. Oh, look!”
Right where the Regent of Chaos pointed, off in the star-studded sky, a new light appeared. Slowly, the light approached, as the light of a boat that comes near the shore. It bobbed, and flickered, and it shone white as the moon.
And then, Ann realized it really was a boat. A rowboat, to be specific. The craft set its prow into the top of the hill, mooring itself. It was worked in dark oak, covered in spiraling designs and symbols of life; trees, birds, animals big and small.
The boat’s pilot appeared to be a rather small pony, dressed in a familiar white robe and beard.
Ann glanced up at the pilot. “Uh… why are you wearing that?”
“Because you didn’t,” Screwball peaked out from under her hood and winked her spiraling eyes.
“Huh?” Ann frowned.
Screwball looked around for a moment, looking for something. Then, the earth filly pulled out a stack of papers crudely stapled together, and began flipping through them.
“Okay,” she paused in her quick reading, “Is this the first or second draft?”
“We’re up to three,” Discord held up a claw with the number. “You’ve got an older script.”
Screwball tossed the whole thing over her head, “Oh, phooey! Who’s playing Gandalf then?”
Ann rolled her eyes, “Don’t you have your own universe to annoy?”
“Well!” the other pony of Chaos sniffed, “I can see where I’m not wanted. Fine then! Have it your way!”
Screwball took a bow before her small audience, and then spun her propeller hat with a swat from her hoof. It spun and spun and spun… until the filly herself was suddenly sucked straight into the hat, and… poof!
She was gone.
“Hm,” said Fluttershy, smiling, “She was nice.”
Discord coughed into his paw, then said, “Yes, well… um, Fluttershy? I do believe your ship has come in.”
“Ship?” the pegasus tilted her head, curious.
Discord indicated the floating rowboat, “Indeed! It’s time that we made our final exit.”
“Oh,” this time, her voice was low, and quiet, “Already?”
Ann’s hoof fell onto her shoulder, and the elderly mare looked up into the face of the first Ponequus she ever loved.
“It’ll be fine, Mom,” Ann smiled. Her throat tightened, but she pushed onward, saying, “We’ll see each other again, right?”
Fluttershy smiled back, and reached up to nuzzle her little girl one more time. “Yes,” she said, softly, “I suppose you’re right. Every journey ends, but that’s never the end of the story…”
Lord and Princess of Chaos locked eyes with one another, and nodded as one.
“Couldn’t have said it better,” Discord held out a paw for his beloved.
Fluttershy took his paw, and, with great difficulty, she pulled herself from the chair. Her hooves were shaky, and her vision blurred. Her wings shivered in a cold wind only she could feel… and yet, she stood.
In fact, she walked. It wasn’t more than a few feet away, but Fluttershy’s legs held as she marched forward, one hoof supported by Discord, and a protective batwing from Ann held over her other side, just in case.
The three reached the boat, and Fluttershy stepped aboard. Instantly, Ann could see the change. Her mother’s legs steadied. Her wings ceased their fidgeting. The old mare turned…
And Ann saw a smile that could coax the sun out at midnight. Its beatific nature felt like a rush of cool, clean air, like a sip of spring water. It was so beautiful, Ann thought she would cry.
In fact, she did. The tears flowed on their own, without her consent. It had only hit her now, just what this was. Just why this was happening. This was the end. The real ending. Be it her mother, or the readers, or innocence, or what have you… this story was over, and she could never take it back or do it over.
It was the finality of it all that got to Ann. That things had to end.
Fluttershy, dear Fluttershy, saw all that and more. She reached over the lip of the boat, and kissed Ann’s tears.
“Well,” Fluttershy sighed, meeting Ann’s eyes with her own, and sharing all the love she could through that one act, “Here, at last, at the edge of Kite Hill, comes the end of our fellowship. I won’t say, ‘don’t cry’, Ann. Not all tears are evil.”
Ann… just stared. She glanced, quickly, to her dad…
Whose jaw had dropped. When their eyes met, he silently asked her, ‘Did you tell her about that quote?’
‘No!’ Ann’s eyes screamed, ‘I thought you did!’
They stared at one another a moment… before the giggling started. And within moments, Ponequus, Draconequus, and pegasus were laughing beneath the starry, starry night. All thoughts of loss, or of threads, or of narrative devices were forgotten for a moment.
They could just live. And laugh. And love.
As family.
There were no more words, nor tears to share. Discord picked up the discarded paddle, and stood at the back of the little boat. While whistling a jaunty tune, he pushed off from the edge of the hill, and allowed the boat to drift back into the air.
Discord and Fluttershy waved their last goodbyes, and with a flourish that was all his own, the former Lord of Chaos carried his beloved into the night sky. He looked out, and saw the first star on the right. There was his goal now… straight on til morning… and then… white shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise…
As that boat sailed off into its final journey, Ann waved her last goodbyes. For now, she hoped. Whether this was the first tale of many, or the very last, she didn’t know. But as she lay down atop the hill overlooking Ponyville, she could only hope and wonder.
And dream. She could always dream of the words to come. Of Zap Apple’s first steps, and of May and Zee’s first days of school. The adventures she and the other Crusaders would go on. Cheese, and Shady, and Pearl, and Goldie, and Dib, and Beau, and Flawless, and Moon… The laughs they’d share. The heartache too. The beauty of imagination unbound.
“And the fanart,” Ann smiled, as sleep closed in, “Gotta remember the fanart. Hope they get my eyes right…”
(for 20 minutes!) 
Manehattan’ t-shirt and carrying a ‘Princess Burger’ mega-cup (the one with a shifting holographic of herself and Nightmare Moon on the side) in her magical aura.