Chapter 1 – Semioutomagical Upgrade

My name, even if I intended to wear different one for this fine evening, is Björn Ozymandias Lucius Maximilian Jönsson.

Yeah, my parents were hippies touched in the head by a hunted thesaurus levels of weird. My first name used to be Quentin for Pete’s sakes, just because dear ol’ mum really liked the letter ‘Q.’ I’m not sure if she ever quite forgave it, but I sent that name change request in the moment I turned eighteen. I didn't quite dislike any of the others enough to get rid of them, but I hardly liked them enough to go by them.

I couldn't quite keep a smirk of as I raised my ‘staff’ menacingly in my left hand and pointed my index finger at my reflection before speaking in a gravelly voice. “My name is Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden. Conjure with it at your own risk.”

I was more than a bit too short for Dresden at 'only' about 1,8 meters, but I had the pale skin naturally and a simple black dye job had done wonders on my formerly brown hair. Together with brown contacts and a few touches of makeup to make myself look a bit thinner I frankly looked the part.

I chuckled and lowered my attempt at traditional Ozkan folk-art to the floor with a soft clack. It was really only an old hockey stick… but that bend, a few runes and a liberal scrubbing with coffee grounds had given it a passing appearance of old wood and I honestly thought it would look quite good in the rather badly lit convention room. Granted, not getting a craving for the nectar of the gods or receiving jibs about being ‘Gandalf the Dark Roast’ every time I held it would have been a bonus… but you win some, you lose some. All in all, not bad for a twenty SEK at a flea market, a few hours with a sharp knife, a rag and a handful of household waste.

I shifted my weight slightly, trying to get a feel for the clothes I’d picked. Sadly, my old black leather duster from my ‘I've seen The Matrix too many times’ period of fashion would be hotter than a sauna the real Harry had had a fight near, even if it did look the part beautifully. It even had the ludicrous deep pockets and a small mantle parts down pat. Other than that I’d gone minimalist; just a simple white T-shirt, blue jeans and an old pair of black work-boots. Preferably I’d have liked a Spider-man or Star Wars shirt to be a bit more in character, but I hadn't found one that wasn't A, ludicrously expensive B, looked like crap C, clearly a Chinese copy of questionable quality or D, all of the above.

I took an extra moment to check the rest of my 'arsenal.' Just replicas and crap, but as one of the staff and founders of DorkCon it paid to lead by example.

Chalk? I rummaged until I felt the pack of old fashioned blackboard chalk in my inner pocket. Check. Didn't expect to use it, but perhaps somebody would like me to pose.

Ball of string? Check. That one would be even less likely to see use, but eh. Not like it weighed anywhere near the rest so I'd just thrown it in.

I jumped and moved a bit to make extra sure the holsters for my 'weapons' were sitting as they should. The 'ammo' in my pockets jingled just as I'd wanted it to. Given that the replicas and holsters had cost me more than the rest of the stuff combined and squared they'd damn well better. To my relief, they all seemingly sat quite snugly.

The sword cane I still wasn't quite sure about. On one hand it really added to the 'Harry on the warpath' angle I'd based the entire costume around... but on the other it looked as cheap as it was and I still wasn't quite sure how to carry it without looking like an utter tool. 'Walking stick' and cane? Made me look as if I'd escaped from the nearest asylum. I scratched my chin I'd let grow a bit stubbly for all this and thought it over. Perhaps next year...? I nodded to myself after a few moments. Yeah, as sad as it was, that sounded best.

Just as I was about to place it into my closet I got a spark of inspiration, however. It would look a bit ugly, but if I loosed the belted buckles on my Winchester replica’s back holster just a bit, and re-tightened them...

I stalked back to the mirror and wiggled a bit. It looked hideous and improvised, but it looked like the type of hideous and improvised a man without time for anything better had done. Perfect! I had to move the bright orange peace bonding tapes quite a bit, but it was so worth it. In conjunction with the ammo loop on the holster the whole thing just looked fierce.

I checked the police style holster and the 'revolver.' The silhouette under the leather might have been a minor detail, but meh. If I'm going to wear all this crap what difference does those a couple of kilos make? Technically, the M1911 pistol replica was utterly wrong for a Harry Dresden costume but it was the best I'd been able to get on the budget I'd set. I made doubly sure the peace bonding tape was clearly visible and held the 'gun' in place. Given how stringent my homeland’s concealed carry laws are I wanted no risk of misunderstanding over a plastic prop.

The blasting rod had clattered a bit while swinging against my leg, but the rune covered ex-baton seemed quite safe and snug in the pocket I'd added for it. I couldn't quite resist and wiped it out towards the mirror in what was probably a rather pathetically well rehearsed gesture. "Forzare!" I screamed at my reflection.

I couldn't quite resist a small chuckle as I replaced the thing into its pocket. A pity I was disqualified as one of the judges, or I'm fairly certain I'd placed at least. This costume was good. I put my fist on my sides and just basked in it for a few moments.

I grunted however, as I caught sight of my 'bling' currently resting on the table under my mirror. The shield bracelet and force rings were quite good, made by the same friend that dabbles in metalworking that made my sword...

I let out a sigh and face-palmed at the sight of my pentacle amulet. It was... crap. Utter, utter crap. Robin had simply run out of time and I'd had to improvise. It was probably one of the most important bits of the costume, but the one I had was just an old shoestring, steel wire and freaking aluminum foil. I'd done my best, but it was just this pathetic mockery of the real thing. Still it was better than nothing, so I placed it on my neck.

The shield bracelet went next, slipping easily around my left wrist. The simple chain with dangling shields in different metals danced and jingled in a quite pleasing way. It felt a bit uncomfortable since I was unused to jewelry, but I'd manage.

The rings were slightly more involved. The rings made from silver were stapled in threes and almost covered my right hand like some type of improvised knuckleduster once I clenched my fist. The thumb ones looked a bit silly if you didn't know what they 'did,' but one the whole I kinda liked the look.

I swiveled in place before the mirror, giving myself one last once over. With a big smile I did my best to prance downstairs in a manly fashion.

My friends, DorkCon co-founders and equal über-nerds were waiting on my couch.

Peter, the utter geek, was seemingly already in character and raised a plastic looking hand in silent greeting. He was wearing a long coat not that unlike my own, but with a more grayish blue tint to the black and with a somewhat crude flower pattern stitched onto the shoulders. These golden lenses was glued over his eyes. I didn't even want to know how warm and sticky the stuff must be, but he seemed unfazed. The man was a bit too thin for the costume and his face was all wrong, but on the whole? Quite decent. If he got his hands on something a bit better than the current somewhat ratty coat he’d have a quality Adam Jensen costume.

Mark had gone with Nero from DMC 4, making me realize just how many long coats there was in the room. He’d cheated a little and gone with the look the character has at the beginning of the game with his demonic arm hidden in a sling, but the red and blue coat itself was spot on. I wasn't sure if it was a attempt as being in character or not, but he was so into the music on his headphones he hadn't even noticed me come down the stairs. Instead he was just bobbing his head and making his white wig dance around, utterly lost to the world of the living. He was lacking any weapons, but otherwise he’d done a really good job.

David, however… There really was only one word for it. He’d cheated. Two freakishly realistic looking swords over his right shoulder, a white ponytail wig and a professional made looking leather armor with lots of pockets and even a few ‘potions’ on it. ‘Geralt’ raised a gloved hand and uttered the most in character words I could imagine. “Sup, what’s up? Dig the costume.”

I couldn't quite stop a smile as I joined them on the bottom floor. I waved my staff at the in greeting. <”Hey. Good to know I’m not the only dofus. Great costumes everybody.”>

David’s brow furrowed slightly as he thought over the translation from Swedish to English. He was my oldest friend and his parents had moved here only about half a year after mine had, but he was a couple of years older and wasn't that great at languages to begin with. He talked quite decent Swedish nowadays, but every once in a while his landmasses still erupts with kittens, if you follow.

Peter smiled at me, before gently tapping Mark on the shoulder. Mark had seemingly actually been into the music given how he flinched slightly, but he gave a small smile and turned his MP3-player off. He let out a low whistle at actually seeing me. <”Dude, that’s a really neat costume… but isn't all that gear kinda heavy?”>

I thumped myself on the chest with my freehand. “No pain, no gain.” I shook some feel back into my hand while my friends chuckled. I’d completely forgotten the rings. “Seriously though, my back will probably regret it tomorrow, but eh. So worth it.”

I pointed an accusing finger of wizardly doom at David. “But what the crap, man? I thought we had an agreement? To make our own stuff this year?”

David just smirked at me. “I’ll take that as a compliment.” He mimed sewing in the air. “Honestly, it’s not real armor. I've just been taking an arts and crafts thing for fun and decided to make something a bit more impressive than a teddy.”

I drummed a finger on my staff. Had to admit, I didn't quite believe him thanks to just how freakishly good his costume looked, but I still decided to take his word for it.

David pulled out his wolf amulet with a sigh and I had to fight back a snort. Now, that? I had no trouble believing it was a bad fake. The snarling silver wolf with ruby eyes looked more like a bulldog made from scrunched up aluminum foil. It was frankly rather admirably half-assed. He noticed my barely contained humor and gave me a meaningful look at my own amulet. I held my hands up in mock surrender and got a nod as he tucked his own special effects failure back under his neckline.

I pointed outside with my staff. “So, our ride here yet?”

Peter shook his head. “Nah, otherwise we’d been up by now and asked you to stop preening like a teenage girl with a date.” He chuckled dryly and crossed his arms, making the fake prosthesis gloves creak from the movement. “Seriously though, good job. I can really see why even things runs from that freaking wizard with that kind of arsenal. You've really captured what a scary bastard Dresden can be.”

I smiled proudly. Peter and Mark were unlike myself and David born and breed on these shores. We’d all met as far back as first freaking grade, and somehow had managed to hang together for all these years. Don’t quite know what I’d do without them watching my back, I’ll say that much.

I stomped over to the sofa and flopped down, making the old thing creak dangerously from all the weight. I had to be a bit carefully with the sword and rifle, but it worked. I wiped a bit of sweat from my forehead and nodded towards Peter. “How come you’re not dripping with all that leather and those gloves?”

Smirking, Peter just opened his coat slightly and shoved me the edge of a blue freeze pack in his inner pocket. “Some of us can think further than our noses, you know.”

I gave off an unhappy grunt. Dammit all, should have thought about that. Peter noticed me scowling and threw me the pack. “Here.”

The plastic glycol bottle clanked quite loudly against my rings as I caught it. I waved the thing a bit. “You sure?”

He patted his coat. “Got more. You make sure to avoid heatstroke.”

I flashed him a grateful smile before jabbing the pack into a mostly empty pocket. Almost immediately I started feeling a bit better. All this stuff might look cool, but at the same time it certainly wasn't if you follow.

“Hey, wanna see something a bit cool?” Mark said.

“Sure,” David said, accompanied by nods by Peter and I.

I gave a small clap as the sling on his arm lit up blue from within. “How’d you pull that off?”

Mark smiled proudly at us. “Couldn't figure out a way to do the Devil Bringer justice, but then I remembered that opening cut-scene.” The cast glowed blue again, and he tilted his body so we could see a small device hidden in his gloved palm. “I've got a few blue LEDs, a battery pack and a small button in this thing. Cool, huh?”

All the rest of us mumbled out affirmative statements. For what I’d initially thought a cheap fix he’d put some thought into it and actually made it rather awesome. Good for him.

A rather insistent beeping sound from outside broke our conversation off and signaled that our ride was here. We grunted ourselves to our feet and filtered out.

I got this oddest darn sensation when I passed my threshold. Like I’d walked over my own grave. Mark bumped into me from behind even.

“You alright?” he asked, looking a bit concerned.

I stepped aside and pulled out my keys. “Yeah, just… I don’t even know. Just got this strange impulse.” I shivered slightly despite the heat of my duster. It had been gone as quickly as it had come, but for a moment I’d just gotten this sense of doom. “Like I should go crawl under my bed for the rest of the night. Strange, huh?”

Mark shrugged and crossed his other arm over his cast. “Can’t say I believe in intuition or signs, but you look a bit pale. Want us to handle it and get some rest? There’ll be other Halloweens.”

I waved him off as I locked my front door. “Just a feel. I’m not canceling my plans for a shiver down my spine no matter what day it is.”

Mark barked out a laugh and headed for the white MIB style van we’d bought cheaply for all this. I couldn't tell what in the dark, but somebody had painted something on it. Probably a logo of some sort.

The van was something we’d agreed on once DorkCon was starting to become more than a dozen nerds in a basement. It was a bit of a gas guzzler, but all in all it had been a sound investment. No way we’d fit in just a normal car with all our gear, and taking the bus like this? That was just a recipe for odd looks at the least, getting the cops called on the ‘four armed loons’ at worst. Things were getting better and better year by year, but Halloween just isn't that big a holiday here in Sweden. In the big cities most at least know about the whole deal, but out here in the sticks the snooze-fest of All Saints' Day was still the big thing. Personally, I preferred costumes and candy to morose mourning of those passed… but takes all sorts and blablabla. As long as the old-timers didn't mess with my party, I wouldn't mess with their yearly wake.

Something made me turn and look at my house. Rather small, but two stories. Falu-red walls and white trims as was common around here. Not much and the yard was next to nonexistent, but it was mine. Completely paid for, even. My bookstore wasn't the biggest around, but I had a decent selection of mostly non-mainstream stuff and word had spread quite nicely. I wasn't exactly Furtuna 500 material, but I’d like to think I’d done well for myself...

So why the hell was I getting this strange sense I was seeing it for the last time? Like I was about to go away for a long time?

“You coming?” Peter shouted while hanging out from the back-doors and waving me in, cutting off my strange train of thought.

I shoot an apologetic smile at him and hurried in.

It wasn't a large van so it was a bit cramped, but somebody had placed big pillows out for us to sit on. Technically, this was a bit shady legally since we wouldn't be wearing any safety belts, but it was that or walk the two miles to the place we’d rented.

I picked the last cushion by the door and sank down. I pointed towards the driver’s compartment with my staff. “Who’s driving?”

A feminine hand waved through the small window. “Yo. So, you nerds ready to party?”

I smiled at that. Roberta was Mark’s younger sister and a good kid. She liked to give us a bit of crap for being the ‘kings of all nerds’ but frankly, I’d seen her game collection. It rivaled my book one, and considering I had more shelves then walls… Yeah, utterly hypocritical, but that was kinda the running joke.

We rode in silence, our thoughts lingering on DorkCon and the rest of the night. We’d been running the ‘con’ for a few years now and it was growing steadily. Technically, it was more of a themed movie night; an excuse to dress up, mingle and watch scary movies with a projector. It had started as just something we four did together each Halloween, but Peter had suggested one year that we tried making it a bit bigger and selling tickets. The rest, as the cliche goes, was history. We’d had a hundred and fifty souls in attendance last year and this one the ticket sales at least had been double that.

We rolled onto the Larsson family farm we were renting an old barn from within the hour. i took a few moments to stretch when getting out into the beautiful fall night. It was moist and cold, but not enough that it was distracting. I took a moment to look up. The moon wasn't quite full, but it shone brightly and clearly illuminated the racing clouds. A sea of stars sparkled above me, far more than back home in the city. It was just… enchanting, no other words for it. Really one of those sights that seemed a bit magical, as if it didn't quite belong to this world.

We all just stood and enjoyed it for a bit. Even Peter who normally tends to be utterly disinterested when I’ve found my latest ‘shiny’ as he put it seemed a bit mesmerized.

Roberta broke the moment first. “Hey, guys? Can we hurry?” She made a few jumping jacks for emphasis. “My costume isn't exactly as warm as those of you proud members of the trench-coat brigade.”

David coughed pointedly into a gloved hand; buffing his armor meaningfully with it afterwards.

Roberta rolled her eyes, something I almost missed in the gloom. She was wearing a bright orange long-sleeved shirt with baggy arms, buckle shoes, knee high socks that matched the shirt and this brightly red skirt. The whole ensemble was topped by these fake gigantic glasses. I could have sworn I’d seen it before, but I just couldn't place her costume.

I taped my staff against my forehead, thinking, for a half a minute or so before giving up. <“Alright, I can’t place you. Who’re you dressed as?”>

I realized I’d placed my foot in my mouth when all four of them stared at me. <“...You've never seen Scooby Doo?”> Roberta asked incredulously.

I smacked my forehead as it clicked. <“Sorry, just slipped my mind.”> I searched through my mind, wrecking it to find where I’d heard that name. I brightened as it clicked. <”Oh, right! That Raja Gosnell flick with the talking dog everybody panned, right? I personally thought it kinda decent, but nothing special.”>

Everybody just stared at me like I’d grown a second head.

An old woman’s head.

Out my butt.

With a witches hat on, and singing a lewd song about hedgehogs.

Then it clicked. <“Oh, right. That flick was based on something animated, right? You know I’m not much of a fan…”>

The rest of the gang face-palmed while Peter walked up and patted me gently on the head. “Dude, not knowing about Scooby Doo is the animated equivalent of asking ‘Who’s that?’ when shown a pic of William Shatner in yellow spandex.”

I rolled my eyes at my laughing friends. <“Seriously, we've been over this a million and one times. I just don’t like the type of entertainment.”> I shook my head, trying not to sound sad and consenting. <“Anything you can freaking imagine and draw brought to life... and most of ‘em just have the same boring plots and characters as your average sitcom. Sorry, but I’m sticking to my books, games and live action movies.”>

The philistines rolled their eyes at me in turn, but they shut up and we filtered in through the big double doors. The barn wasn't really anything special; in fact, it wasn't even being used anymore. But it was big and cheap.

And packed. I actually had to gently poke a path through the gently shifting sea of nerds just so that the four of us could get to the stage. Roberta waved us off and darted away to get a seat before the rush.

We climbed up to the stage, elucidating a quick applause for our costumes that made all of us smile. So worth it.

Peter started giving a small speech that I tuned out since it was all thing I already heard. The only thing that stuck out and with me was something about a couple of small dealers tables for the first time, located in an old basement nearby. I decided to check em out later, but for now, I checked the competition.

It was an eclectic mix, both in themes and quality. This rather disturbingly good Sailor Moon with an Adam's apple was chatting quietly with a simple sheath ghost with a huge rack near the edge of the small stage. I wondered briefly if they were a couple and if I was missing some joke, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves and that was the important bit.

A hulking… uh, Hulk was shivering near one of the heaters. We’d close the doors soon, but it still amused me that there was at least a few every year. Halloween night which implies fall weather, the whole thing takes place in the bum-fuck of nowhere... and you still end up with people wearing these tiny strips of latex and wondering why they’re freezing.

All in all, about half the guest were wearing costumes. Far more than I’d anticipated. There was this rather odd trend though. A lot of dudes were wearing pastel horse, unicorn and pegasus costumes. I couldn't say I cared as long as they behaved and had fun, but it seemed just a bit weird to me. I guessed I’d missed the hot trend of the moment again.

Still, I just filled it away with a mental shrug. It was more interesting than ‘grizzly dude in armor #8534’ or ‘zombie #11132575,’ I’d grant it that. The intellectual in me was a little curious what those emblems on their hips were about, but only a bit.

I put it out of mind as Peter finished the short introduction for the first movie, an old forgotten classic we’d stumbled across while researching for things to show tonight; The Raven. All the way from 1963 and starring both Vincent Price and Boris Karloff, among others. It wasn't that scary, but it had a wonderful atmosphere and a really nice wizard duel that frankly still held up to today's standards. It was based on the poem by the same name, but looser than the head of a highwayman after a incompetent hangman’s administrations. It was a good movie and perfect for the opening act since so few in the audience would have seen it... but since I had I decided to instead take the opportunity to go look for those dealers instead.

I must have made an impression, because I got a few posing request before I made it out. Granted, half of them wondered why a private eye had a wizard's staff and bling, while most of the other wondered why Gandalf was wearing leather and packing heat… but still. I was just happy to have all that effort vindicated and steer a few towards the glory of Jim Butcher.

One of my friends must have had a moment of inspiration earlier when we set up, because these nifty paths had been laid out in the ground and marked with glow-sticks. I found a note in Peter’s handwriting on a board near the entrance and lit by a small spotlight; red for the loos, blue for the rather entrepreneuring Larsson family’s kitchen where they had set up some type of small eatery and green for the dealers. I strolled down the green path, whistling a merry tune.

Then a rumble that freaking echoed from the hills clawed itself out of my stomach, reminding me I had forgotten to eat thanks to the last minute crap today. I swiveled on my feet and skipped over to the blue path instead.

I waved at the portly and grayed woman sitting outside the main farmhouse. It seemed they kept the cooking indoors, but four giant metal pots were sitting on a heat plate each on the serving table. I couldn't’ tell the dishes just from the smell, but it did smell utterly delicious and made my mouth water. <“Evening, Mrs. Larsson. You've started serving yet?”>

Mrs. Larsson waved back with a smile before readjusting the blanket she’d draped over herself. <”We have… but no need for that missus stuff, young man. It’s a bit rude, you know?”>

I flashed her an apologetic grin. <”Sorry, M-”> I coughed into my freehand at the slip, but Mrs. Larsson just laughed. <“I meant: Sorry, Siv. Just a habit from the motherland I can’t quite seem to let go. No insult intended.”>

Mrs. Larsson just chuckled at me. <”Eh, no worries. I get that you're just trying to be polite. You use the wrong tone of voice for it to be an insult.”> She nodded towards the barn. <”Last minute inspection, or…?”>

I dug out my wallet and pulled forth a fifty SEK note I then placed on the table. <“Well, I’ve already seen the movie, nothing seems to be on fire… so I thought I’d go check things out and get some food into my system.”>

Mrs. Larsson nodded at me as she scooped up the bill and placed it in her till. <”Fair enough. The left pair is sausage stroganoff and rice, while the right is pea soup and meat soup, in that order. Not exactly Halloween themed food, but we went with what we’re fairly certain people will eat.”> She jerked a thumb towards a smaller table a bit away with pitchers and thermoses on it, before handing me a paper bowl, a plastic spoon and a paper cup. <“Drinks, tea and coffee over there, and a bowl refill is thirty SEK. Enjoy!”>

I chuckled at her as I went to inspect the food. <”So that’s why the food’s so cheap. First fix is almost free, huh?”>

The old lady just smiled with a twinkle in her eye before sitting down again.

I decided on the sausage stroganoff. Not only did I quite like the dish, but it seemed like it be the one to go first. I put a brim filled bowl of the meaty goodness down on the ground, got myself a cup of Joe and unceremoniously flopped down for my feast.

Mrs. Larsson chuckled at me again while I and my taste-buds quietly ascended to home-cooking heaven. I try not to be the stereotypical bachelor and live on takeout, but cooking just isn't as fun when you do it for yourself. <”So, who’re you dressed as, anyway?”>

I swallowed my taste of gently seasoned nirvana and took a sip of my coffee before answering. <”Harry Dresden. He’s a ‘wizard for hire’ as he calls it. Imagine this cross between a PI and… well, a wizard.”> I poured deep into my dark roast, quite enjoying the look that looked back at me. I looked fierce like this. A pity it required a bit much work for my taste, otherwise I might have made a try at making it a bit more permanent. <”Imagine a grizzled private eye, but with tracking spells instead of stakeouts and you've got the gist of it.”>

She gave my fake guns and other stuff a funny look. <”And the arsenal fit for a small fiefdom?”>

I couldn't help it, I barked out a laugh that almost made me spill my coffee. <”Let’s say the series gets a bit dark. The first book has him track down a warlock serial killer that makes his victims hearts explode out of their chest… and then the later books get worse.”> I took another bite out of my bowl as Mrs. Larsson turned slightly green for some reason. <”Don’t get me wrong, they're great books. They just get a bit grim between the wisecracks and moments of awesome.”>

Mrs. Larsson shrugged and held up a book of her own. The title, ‘Taken by the T-Rex’ and the cover of a lightly clad lady and a… well, T-Rex made my ears almost burst a flame. The old biddy let out a laugh that made her seem ten years younger and put the book away again. <”Sorry, dear. I just couldn't resist!”> She tapped the rather strange book with a finger. <”Grand kid gave me it as a joke. I thought I’d read it out here just to see how many people notice.”>

Alright, I’ll admit, that made me chuckle. I finished my meal in peace and sauntered off for the green path after having thrown away my utensils and waving goodbye to Mrs. Larsson.

It lead me to one of those external basement door slash trapdoor things. You know, those things that are low enough you have to lean down, but still kinda look like doors and usually covers a staircase? The particular word escaped me at the moment, but the basement beyond was brightly lit and I skipped down, eager to make a few bargains.

I was a bit disappointed. I hadn't exactly expected three meter tall mecha figures, racks of expertly crafted costumes, anatomically ‘correct’ anime dildos or whatever it is you could find at the big cons… but it honestly looked like a somewhat nerdy flea market and a small one at that. Just short of a dozen tables and the tenders looked half asleep even at this hour.

Still, I drifted around and checked them all. Taking my time since the movie would be playing for quite a bit more.

I stopped at a small table, seemingly specializing in new-age stuff. I wasn't a believer, but I found the subject and the occult in general rather fascinating. Quite a lot of it was the usual incense and crystals crap, but they also had a small stack of books that caught my eye.

The stall owner, a middle aged looking woman in a thick jacket and with a felt cap seemed to find me presence at her table rather amusing. <”Taking the role a bit serious, are we?”>

I just chuckled at her and gave a small two finger salute. <”What can I say? Bit of a nerd.”>

She shrugged her shoulders and leaned back. <”Fair enough. Just tell me if you find anything you like… Mr. Dresden.”>

That made me look up. <”Ah? A fellow fan, then? That’s a bit rare here in Sweden.”>

She leaned over the table and stuck her hand out. <”Emelia Lundvall. Nice to meet you.”>

I stuck my hand out and gave her a firm shake. <”Björn Jönsson. You in the new age business yourself, or just a gig?”>

I gave her an apologetic smile as she shook some feeling back into her hands. I held my hand up and put an sheepish grin on. <”Sorry, not used to all this metal on me. You’re hand OK?”>

She gave me a nod. She seemed slightly peeved, but at the same time she seemed to realize it had been an accident. <”Björn Jönsson… and yet you have a British twang to your voice. No offence, but any chance I can get to know why?”>

I shrugged, making my stuff shift a bit. <”Not much of a secret. Dad is from the isles, mom was from around here. Mom tried, but it only lasted long enough for me to get this accent.”>

The girls eyes grew a bit soft at the ‘was’ bit, but she made no comment on it. <”Well, as I said, pleasure to met you. Just tell me if anything catches your eye.”>

I gave her a nod and started browsing. Sadly, the books turned out to be either crap ‘spell-books’ I’d been burned too many times on to care, or the slightly more serious stuff I’d already read. I did however find a small brass pendulum on a leather string that seemed like it fit the costume and wasn't terribly expensive, so I bought it.

I waved the smiling stall keeper off and went on my way. I was halfway to the stairs when a dusty door caught my eye. The door looked as if was to just an old closet, and caked in old cobwebs… but something just caught my eye about it.

It was a bit rude, but this was technically a public space. If it turned out to be a closet… well, hardly as I was intending to steal anything.

I did not expect what I found on the other side of the door. It looked like a freaking shop, and not closet sized at that. I leaned out and checked the door, then leaned in through the frame. I wasn't certain how it had been done, but the whole thing was giving me a TARDIS vibe.

With a shrug I headed in. Nifty trick, but I was in a basement. Disguising a door to another part of the basement wasn't exactly beyond the pale.

The room was five by five meters and with a ceiling height of three, making it feel as if you’d really stepped into another place. I wasn't sure if the owner, a youngish man in a purple wizard costume with golden stars on and a fake beard who seemed to find my stunt at the door amusing, had used humidifiers or something… but it really felt in the very air as if I’d entered another place entirely. I swear I could even hear distant ocean waves, despite our con being smack dab inland.

Four modern locking metal storm lanterns hung from chains from the ceiling in each corner, casting a warm light over the room and illuminating the tables filled with wares. The wares rested in turn on a giant U shaped table with a white silk table cloth on it and covered in merchandise. The whole thing reached all the way to the wall with the door, but was slightly offset from the far wall to let the shopkeeper move about freely behind his stuff.

I couldn't see the walls, since he’d put up a folding screen that reached all the way to the ceiling and all around the room. It was rather ingenious, really. It really gave this sense that there was a real shop, just beyond those fake walls. For some reason the owner seemed to have a thing for mythological creatures, but mostly equine ones judging from the illustrations. Pegasi, unicorns, the mares of Diomedes, dragons, manticores… but two creatures seemed to return again and again, coupled with a moon and sun theme. Two winged unicorns, depicted almost as in the same style as saints or gods. One usually a deep blue, but sometimes pitch black, while the other was the purest of white… even if in some she was little more than a vaguely equine flame that color that raged across part of the screen.

I gave the owner a polite wave as I stepped over the threshold. He seemed to find the gesture just as amusing as my earlier hesitation in the door, but he returned a small wave of his own. The dude just had one of those smiles. The utterly insufferable content ones you only seem to see on the faces of stoners, high level mathematicians and others that believe they've understand the ‘joke’ of it all. I gave him a nod and started checking out his wares.

My eyes were drawn to the screen once more, however. I swear, the thing was so detailed that it almost seems to shift and move as soon as you looked away. My eyes lingered on a particular illustration, where the white one in her full fury seemed to be bound into the very sun by a rainbow of all things. It should have been gaudy and cutesy, but the artist had made it work. You really got a sense of titans rising and falling, despite the subject matter.

I turned to owner. <“I’m fairly certain I know the answer… but how much for the screen? It is beautiful.”>

His eyes widened a bit at that, as if he hadn't expected that. <”You have a good eye for the finer things, sir…”> He reached back and patted the thing as if it was a cat. <”...but my darling here is not for sale.”> His smile widened a bit and turned warmer. <”Still, thank you for the compliment. I’m certain Harmony appreciates it.”>

Harmony? The name made me recheck the illustrations… and indeed, it seemed to be a theme. For every time the dark one fell to corruption, there was a scene of purification; for every rage by the light one, a calming and chance for redemption. It seemed to be reflected in the lesser creatures as well, but to a lesser degree as well. Was it symbolic, perhaps? That even the divine may fall and one shouldn't dwell on past mistake, but we shortsighted mortals had a harder time finding that redemption? <”...You sure I can’t say I price? The patterns and symbolism in this piece is just fascinating.”>

The owner’s eyes widened again, as if I’d once more done something I shouldn't have. Something I shouldn't have been able to do. It puzzled me, but I figured he was just playing up the ‘owner of the little shop that wasn't there yesterday’ angle. It was Halloween, after all. Still, he gave me a tiny shake. <”No. It is far too dear to me to part with. Still, once more, thank you for the compliments.”>

I gave the man a nod and went back to checking his actual wares. I had a few stacks of volumes I’d only part with during the direst of circumstances, so I could respect his wish to keep the thing.

And what wares! Truly, they made the rest outside this nifty room look like junk. It was mostly slated towards costume stuff, but a few more esoteric knickknacks were mixed in. What seemed like a Deck of Many Things replica rested side by side with a freaking proton pack, while at the other end of the same table a Red Queen and Blue Rose set that would have made Mark drool until it ruined his costume rested on a stand.

I’m honestly not sure how long I spent in there, just examining nifty little treasure after nifty little treasure. I realized I was quite probably missing the rest of the damn Con, but I just didn't care. I wasn't certain why this man had gone through such trouble for our tiny over-glorified movie night, but man was it an impressive collection he had.

Normally when I get in this mood I end up irritating the poor shopkeeper half to death, but this particular one just seemed to just find me more and more amusing as the minutes passed like moments. I was just closely examining an excellently done Rune of Torment on what looked like real skin, resting in a glass case when the owner let out a small polite cough.

I looked up, making me realize just how busted my back was getting from leaning with all this gear. I fought down a small wince to do so, but I gave the man a nod.

He just smiled that cryptic smile again. <”Although it is immensely pleasing to see a customer that actually takes his time instead of just grabbing the first thing on the table he likes…”> He raised an immaculately manicured hand and pointed at a spot on the other end of the store almost clearly opposite from where I was currently standing. <”...I will admit that I can’t help but feel I know what you will end up buying. May I recommend you check that table? I think you will find something there to your liking.”>

I raised an eyebrow at that, but complied. I almost instantly spotted what he’d been talking about, once I actually paid attention to that end of the store. Nestled in between what seemed a shriveled hand and eye that seemed utterly wrong somehow resting on a black velvet pillow, and a simple golden ring on a equally simple chain simply laying on the table…

Rested perfection.

...Alright, that was probably a bit over-dramatic. Still, a pentacle amulet on a chain, both in actual silver. About the size of my palm and what looked like a real ruby about the size of my thumb resting in its center. The thing gleamed in the softly dancing flames, as if it was half forged from light rather than something as mundane as silver. I have no idea how, but it barely seemed to touch the velvet it rested on. The thing was simply a masterpiece.

The owner reached forward and slid a key into the lock for the glass case it rested in and opened the thing up for me.

“Beautiful, isn't it?” He said, switching to English for some reason. Perhaps he found it more dramatic, or was simple more proficient in it? Either way, I made no comment. He ran a single finger over the chain almost reverently, as if he didn't quite dare touch the amulet itself. “You are aware of the symbolism, correct?”

I nodded, my eyes caught on the amulet. “Magic. The five elements. Fire, water, air, earth and spirit, all bound by human will.” I pointed at the ruby. “And in this case, at its center lays something even more dangerous bound by them all.”

“Oh?” The owner said, sounding amused again. “And what would be more dangerous than fire, water, air, earth and spirit, shaped by something as flimsy and yet undying as mortal will?”

I raised my hand and tapped my temple. “Knowledge. How else is one to shape such forces in the first place?”

“Explain, please.” He smiled that slightly warmer smile again. “I do not dispute the claim, but I wish to hear your logic for it.”

I folded my arms over my stomach with my staff in between, thinking. It was a bit silly, but… this seemed like an important conversation, somehow. As if it would influence much of what came after. “...What other thing exist beyond all good and evil? Knowledge does not care how one uses it. Knowledge simply is or isn't.”

“There are those that say that knowledge is but power in the abstract…” He ran one hand over the other, somehow ending up with these giant golden coins in between each finger. It seemed this guy really liked his unicorns, because they all had this smiling cartoon mare on them. “And in that case, is it not the same as money as well?” He throw the coins into the air. I saw them leave his hand, but they never landed. Neat. “A bit trite and too sad a way to see the world for my taste, but it is believed by many.”

I thought it over, but I shook my head. “No. Knowledge may lead to both…” I reached behind my back and tapped a finger on my gun. “...but what is getting a lucky shot, compared to knowing how make the correct one every time?” I spread my arms, and couldn't quite keep a smug smile off my face. “And despite how I gave that bit of philosophy away… it remains with me. What mere bit of coin could be greater than a treasure whose depth and glory only grows when shared?”

The man let out a slow breath, seemingly quite pleased with my reasoning. “Oh, you’ll go far, young man. Keep that intellect.” He reached up and tapped his own temple. “Forgive a man who’s a bit older than he looks his dramatics… but I've found few finer pursuits in life and I’d like to think I know a bit more than most men.” He let out a silvery laugh that seemed to hang in the air. “Well, except about woman. They've proved a bit troublesome to crack.”

I bit back a snort at the joke, but he just laughed again. “Forgive me for ruining the very dramatic moment we were having, but I just had to crack that joke.”

I raised an eyebrow in mock excitement. “A joke? That was a joke?!”

He blinked, seemingly genuinely confused. “...Yes?”

I let out a big gasp and ‘accidentally’ dropped my staff. “You've actually figured out women? Just what eldritch sorcery allowed you to perform that feat?!”

The man was just still for a moment. Then he started laughing so hard that he bent double and even his beard snapped off with a twinge. The fake facial hair sailed away into the corner nearest the door and us.

I had to admit, it was an infectious laugh. I wasn't quite sad a person enough to laugh at my own joke, but it was nice to have made somebody laugh like that. As corny as it might be, it made me smile. I took the opportunity to grab my staff again while the dude get it out of his system.

He was fighting for breath when he finally stopped. “By me, I don’t even remember the last time I laughed that hard.” He gave me a small clap.”Good one.”

I raised an eyebrow again.”By me?”

He just smiled and pointed at the proton pack. “A movie I rather enjoyed once told me that if anybody asks if you are a god… Well, the concept amused me enough to run with it.” He bit back a snicker. “You should see the faces on the evangelists.”

I’ll admit, that was an amusing concept. “...Ever tried to get any of them to convert? Turnabout is fair play, after all.”

The owner blinked and started laughing again, even if it he got it under control a bit quicker this time. He waggled a finger at me, eyes sparkling. “Oh man, did I pick the right piece for you. You keep that tongue and wit, kid.”

“I’ll try,” I said, leaning a bit on my staff with my eyes on the pentagram. “So, how much? I doubt I have enough, but…”

He just lifted the thing with a single finger looped into the chain and held it up. “No charge. Consider it a gift for having amused an old man.”

I just stared at both him and the necklace. “...That is very generous of you, but I don’t think I can accept. That looks like a real ruby, but I'm certain about the silver.”

He blinked again, but this time he gave me a level look. Something about it made a shiver dance across my spine, but I couldn't tell why. Just like that it was gone however, and he was back to his old smile. “My, you really mean it. Sorry about the glare, but in my line of work you very quickly grow tired of false humility. Seeing the real deal, however? That is always a treat.”

I just shrugged, uncertain what to say to that.

His eyes settled on my current amulet. “Did you know? In some cultures an artist only part of a craft is considered to bring forth what was already there, to unleash the work from the lesser form that bound it. According to those that believe it the craftsman is actually inconsequential, all that matters is that true glory being brought forth into the world. Have you heard of this perspective?”

I scratched my shin. “...Sounds familiar, but I can’t place it. Sorry.”

He lifted his arms from his side in an exaggerated shrug. “I must admit I doubt that, but it is a thought I've found amusing to philosophy on over the years.” He pointed his left hand at my current amulet. “Would a trade make you more comfortable with this moment?”

I took the tacky little thing from around my neck and stared at it. I jingled it on the end of my finger, making the thing bounce on its old shoelace. “You do know I made this in five minutes with household stuff, right?”

“Ah, such Honesty…” He murmured happily with his head slightly tilted, and eyes glassed over, seemingly lost in thought for that moment. “But come now, ‘Mr. Dresden.’ Is accepting a small token of Generosity truly so awfully beyond the pale?”

i hesitated, but it was such a pretty replica. Still, it didn't sit quite right with me. “Tell you what, Mr?” I extended my right hand and gave him a smile. “Always a pleasure to met another collector. How about we make it a token of friendship. I’m Björn Jönsson, a true pleasure.”

The man did that strange growing stiff thing again, before giving me a radiant smile and grabbing my hand. “Seppo Ilmarinen, likewise.”

We exchanged the amulets. To my surprise he actually placed the amulet I’d made into the case and locked it away. He had the strangest nostalgic smile on when he did so. “One’s first works are often rather humble… but one should still keep at it, no matter what your chosen art. Once never know when and how that first seed of greatness will sprout.”

“Well said,” I spoke plainly as I placed my new bit of bling around my neck. I hesitated when I felt how warm it felt from his hands, and I couldn't quite not look at my old one. “You know, speaking of artifice… Know an interesting belief I heard once, even if I can’t remember where?”

“Go ahead.”

I tapped the amulet, and then pointed at the one in the case. “That anytime you make something, a bit of your spirit lingers in it. That even if you make no further modification to it, it will grow with you, and you with it.” I tucked my new amulet in under my shirt to keep it safe. “Don’t know if I believe it, but a beautiful thought, is it not?”

Seppo’s eyes grew veiled and nostalgic again as he nodded mostly to himself. “I’d like to think I've made a few things worthy of such words… but it is something of the creator's curse that the skill and one’s hands never quite can keep up with what your inner eye sees.” His eyes drifted to the tapestry. “I’d like to think a few of my works have captured that little extra, but there’s always that moment of doubt when you look at what your own hands have wrought.”

That made me make a double take. “You painted that?”

Seppo actually got a light coating of red on his cheeks. “What can I say?” He jerked a thumb to the wall behind him. “A bit silly and out of my age bracket, but just something of a fan work for this thing I kinda like.” He turned his head and looked at a particular bit with the dark and the light unicorn meeting in mortal combat, horns locked. “I think it came out rather well, all things considered.”

I didn't know what Seppo was talking about… but anything that had inspired art like that was alright in my book. I decided to check online if I could find anything about unicorns in roughly that style once I came home. I doubted it would be easy, but seemed worth a look.

I reached into the depths of my duster and fished out one of my cards. “Here,” I said as I gave it to him. “You give me a call someday, OK?”

Seppo took the flimsy little thing and squirreled it away in his robe. “I travel quite a bit, but I’ll make sure to do that.” He pointed towards the door with a smile. “But I believe I've held you here for long enough. Do enjoy your gift…” He winked at me. “Mr. Dresden.”

I chuckled and waved over my back as I headed out. Man, so worth it but I must have spent hours in this place. My friends needed to see this place but…

My train of thought got yanked to pieces as my hand just passed through the door. I tried to take a step back in shock, but the floor suddenly wouldn't hold me either.

As I fell backwards through the strange void, the last thing I saw before things got weird was Seppo from leaning down towards me, waving and smiling. “You enjoy yourself! That’s usually the important bit!”

I didn't have time to shout a reply. Things just started twisting. Up was down, left became guacamole, in front of me lay eternal fields of orange and behind only bitter smells of lost dreams…

Shit got whack, OK?

I’m not sure how long I fell like that in that black void, too weirded out to even scream. All I know is that I felt strangely twisted and as if something was leaking into my ears. Like this whisper just at the edge of hearing.

I did notice when normalcy returned, however.

Being a kilometer up and yet somehow surrounded by sunlit clouds will do that to a man. Then I started screaming.

I twisted around, flattening myself to slow my fall a bit. It didn't work nearly enough. Just to add to the splat factor I was falling towards what looked like a decently sized town and a cobbled town square, just for a few more ‘screw you’s’ from the universe.

Then… then something went *click* in my mind. Like I suddenly knew something I’d known all my life. I just hadn't known it all my life five minutes ago.

The air just suddenly felt… There wasn't a better word for it. Alive. As if something I’d never felt before suddenly just had switched on. Like being without a sense of touch all your life only to suddenly feel a lover's gentle touch, or sense of smell and being given a rose.

I was just so utterly lost in that sensation I lost track of time for a moment. The scream just went away and tears fell from my eyes. It was just... beautiful.

Then another absurdly low cloud whizzed past around me and snapped me out of it. Now was not quite the time.

Another new lifelong memory made me push my staff in front of me. I was distracted for a moment. Not only did it look much more realistic somehow… but my hand was not only paler, but the fingers seemed longer and thinner.

But once more, now was not the time.

I grabbed at that strange energy, drew it towards me and my staff… only to get almost lost in what would have been another but more final moment as the raw sense of power flooded me.

But I remained focused, trust my staff forward and shouted words I somehow knew even more by heart then before.

“Veni Che!”

The local winds and air roared and leapt at my commend, all flowing towards me and under me, doing their utmost to slow my descent.

It was a bit too little, too late, but the freaking spell turned what should have been a splat into a painful belly flop that just drove the air out of my lungs.

I’d done magic.

I’d done freaking magic!

My celebratory shout of joy turned into this rather pathetic wheeze, but it was the thought that counted. It was half from the utter awe at my new powers and half from the adrenaline, but I just started laughing like a loon.

Trembling, I got to my feet, using my staff to push myself to my feet.

Only for my laugh to die in my throat. The world was… wrong. Not only was it eye-searingly cute, cuddly and colorful, but…

These tiny pony things with coats and manes all the colors of the rainbow, and huge eyes were just staring at me. Like I was some sort of strange alien creature that had just fallen out of the sky.

OK, bad example, but my point still stood.

I couldn't help it. I just said the first thing that came to mind as my first words on these strange new lands.

“O~K, what fresh new Technicolor hell is this?”

Chapter 2 - Harry Dresden, World Class Diplomat

View Online

Since nothing was actively launching at my face at the moment, I decided to pull myself to my full height and just take stock of things.

And whoa, was it a full height! I swear I almost saw clouds again. I flexed my limbs, not really sure how to feel about what my senses were telling me. I’d never been a short ham-beast, or anything… but I’d ended up much thinner and wiry.

I cracked my neck, to the clear discomfort of some of the ‘locals.’ Still, nobody seemed to wish to make the first move, and I was frankly feeling like obliging them until I was certain I didn't have a stick through my abdomen or something.

From what I could tell at first glance I still had all my stuff… except all of it had gotten a similar upgrade as my staff judging from the sudden weight increase. It was especially noticeable on my back thanks to both the sword and Winchester being there, but the pistol holster under my duster tugged just a bit more towards the ground.

An odd resistance when I moved it made me look at my right hand. I flexed my hand experimentally, only to feel as if my fingers were moving through something that wasn't quite molasses, but in that ballpark.

My rings still looked like simple silver bands stacked in threes, but I could feel runes on their insides now that I hadn't added. An odd warmth I now realized was the magic working flowed through them flared slightly every time I moved my hand and by extension them, as the bleed away some of the kinetic energy for later use.

That’s one of the important and first lessons of magic, actually. It is always far easier to bend and control forces already in play, then conjuring them up whole cloth. Kinda like lighting a fire is possible by just rubbing two sticks together and letting friction do its thing, but it is far easier to just hold a bit of kindling to an already lit candle.

And although I’d know that in the abstract, I now suddenly knew it. It made my fish out my amulet and give it a suspicious glare. It looked the same, but I swear I saw this gleam in the bottom of the ruby that all but screamed that the damn thing had winked at me. I jabbed my other index finger at it. “And just what is so darn funny, you overpriced doorstop?”

My amulet just seemed to find this hilarious, judging from how this short burst of ruby light that reminded me suspiciously off Sempo’s laugh burst forth. With a sigh I just let it drop on my chest.

Speaking of chest, that was the really the only part of me that hurt. The spot where I’d landed on my own staff felt sore, but not hurt. Other then that I honestly felt in suspiciously good shape. Like I’d dropped ten years somehow and actually started exercising more than the minimum.

As worrisome as that thought about what had happened to my body was it was hardly the time. For all I knew the locals were all psychic projections from these kilometer big death minds hidden away miles below the earth and those shocked stares were them trying to decide how they would tear my atoms apart.

Yes, I am fully aware that they looked like nothing but the cutest darn versions of unicorns, pegasi and normal ponies I’d ever seen… but I was currently a bookstore owner with a few things jammed into my head that just happened to look like a badass wizard. One lost in what just screamed ‘other dimension.’ A bit of paranoia seemed wise.

So, I tried to be friendly and raised my hand. “Um, hi?”

That broke the moment. Spurred on by a trio of pony mares with flower emblems on their butts who off all damn things thought running away and shouting ‘The horror!’ was the wisest action.

I’ll admit, I just threw my head back and face-palmed as the most adorable stampede I’d ever seen happened.

I got a bit distracted despite the shouts and screams as I felt my face. It wasn't mine anymore. It was leaner with harder edges. A face I recognized.

Oh fuck me sideways with half a gimp, that bit of magic bling had really turned me into Harry.

I put my other hand on my face and tried to not scream in frustration.

That’s about when something moving at Mach fucking ten hit me in the side. Now, my new slash old duster if it followed the same pattern as my other gear it was now enchanted to act as the second best thing to wearable tank armor. The problem that was normally a boon however, is that it was still flexible. Thus, even if it would stand up to claws, blades, bullets and perhaps even televangelist, it didn't do as much against blunt force trauma.

Luckily, either the person was pulling their punches or I got lucky because it didn't feel as if anything broke, but I heard my freaking ribs creak as we went into a tumble.

We stopped, showing me a cerulean pegasus mare with what looked like a bloody rainbow clown wig on straddling me and pinning my arms to my side. I winced, both from the tumble and the volume as she showed her face a freaking centimeter from mine and shouted: “WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU DO TO MY SKY YOU FUR-LESS FREAK?”

I blinked and looked behind her. I even extended my new bolted on magic senses and tried to feel out the local winds via the magic in them. They were a bit turbulent from my rather messy entrance, but nothing worse than your average summer’s day.

She shoved her head in front of mine again. Her, of all colors, amethyst eyes were these furious and slightly bloodshot slits. “Don't you dare ignore me!”

For a moment I was tempted to just stare her down, to check if I had another trick Dresden has.

The soul gaze.

Basically, the thing works like this: A wizard is a person that sees further than others, and uses that to gain knowledge and thus power. For good or ill, but in the end it is an extension of who and what they are. The thing is, that that kind of world shattering knowledge leaves more than a few marks, one of which is the soul gaze. When a wizard looks into the eyes of another being with a soul, they catch a glimpse of who that person really is. All masks, all lies, all pleasant little half truths… Gone like gossamer that has drifted in front of a blowtorch.

And as the cliche Nietzsche quote goes, the abyss will quite happily stare back at you. They see you in just as much detail as you see them.

And that kind of capital T Truth never leaves you. It never even fades. Do it with enough beings above a certain magnitude and your sanity snaps like a twig that tried to pull a Atlas impression. It doesn't even have to be beings foul and wretched. Narcissus wasted away just as well in front of his pond as any prisoner bound in irons and left to their fate after all.

Now, I didn't know or care who this rude bastard was… but I could feel power rise off her like a thermal on the hottest of summer days. Mostly two cold and turbulent, but at the same time invigorating and trans-mutative types of magic I thought might be water and air, but more than a few other shades mixed in. It didn't seem as she used any of them directly or she’d never had needed to do something so crude as literally tackle me, but the nag was a powerhouse I’d rather not trifle with.

I pulled my arm free and gently moved her snout to the side with a finger. “Lady, you don’t want to stare too deeply into my eyes. Just a tip.”

She slammed a hoof down next to my head in a manner I was certain was meant to intimidate, but I honestly had to fight back a snort. Not only did she hesitate in a way that all but told me that she was pulling her punches, but she was a cute, cuddly pony pegasus that barely reached me to the groin with my new height. “Answer me! What did you do?!” she shouted in my ear again.

How can any mortal resist such a line? I put my left hand under her tummy and said: “This.” Then just as this adorable look of horror flashed across her face I grabbed at the magic and shouted my spell. “Vento servitas!”

Wind magic is rather versatile, and one of the few ones easy enough that you can use it relatively well even without a focus. Now, it isn't what I’d call combat grade stuff for most applications, but air just likes to move. It’s relatively simple to get it to do so, at least in a wide open area as this town square.

The wind I’d summoned shot my irritant of an assailant to the skies with an adorably girlish scream. Normally, I’d aimed to the side but since I was ‘fighting’ something with wings I decided to just do it the easy way.

However, it seemed she had either training or just raw talent, because she just flipped in the air like a ninja trained by freaking birds and dove straight back down at me.

With a snort I didn't even try to hold back I reached for my blasting rod with my left hand. The thing now turned into slender rod about the radius of my thumb was a much simpler focus then my staff, mostly intended for combat. Gusts of flame, bolts of lightning, globs of acid… Anything nasty you just want to conjure and throw into your opponent's face? A blasting rod is what you want for it if you want to still have flexibility. It was possible to make things that were simpler and more focused still, like my force rings or shield bracelet, but they really only aided in the casting of a few particular spells.

The runes in the wood lit with a pale light as I sent another spell her way with an almost contemptuous flick of my wrist. “Vento servitas!”

She saw the wind coming judging from the look of shock on her face, but she was going to fast to dodge out of the dive. I just laughed as she went into the sky again, trailing a stream of obscenities muffled by her speed.

It seemed I’d overdone it, because I had actually time to get up and dust myself off slightly before she came careening down again. This time however, her expression had gone from somewhat miffed to outright murderous. It frankly looked wrong on such a cute face.

Still, judging from how she was forming a fucking contrail I decided to not take any chances. I raised my left hand, the one you expel energy through and opened my palm as much as possible without dropping my rod. I fed energy into my shield bracelet and a semi-see through dome of pure force sprang into existence over my head.

Now, I wasn't heartless. It seemed clear this girl taught me a threat and was just defending her town. In what might have been the dumbest way possible, but still. So, I’d made the shield into what was basically this cushion of semi solid air.

I couldn't help but smile a bit cruelly at her sudden look of panic, though. She didn't know that.

She started fighting to rise, but she was going to fast. I wasn't quite certain what she’d planned initially, but breaking through a shield most certainly had not been it. She slowed herself down quite a bit, but she still hit the shield so hard the thing cracked rather than bounce her away. The dome faded as I stopped feeding it and the stunned mare landed near my feet.

Her look of dread, pain and shock mixed with just a bit of fear went straight back into livid fury as I bent down and petted her head. “A for effort, kid.”

She tried to struggle to her hooves and no doubt launch herself at me again, but I took that as a sign and opportunity to kick her quite hard in the side. She let out a quick shout from the pain, but I don’t think I caused any permanent damage. With my work-boots on it apparently hurt enough that she took the hint and stayed down. Her eyes still flashed with anger, but the trembling pegasus just laid there and glared up at me.

“...That wasn't very nice.”

The silk soft feminine voice surprised me, and made me turn. That was all the opportunity the prismatic pony prick needed to jump me again.

It was frankly a rather pitiful assault. She’d just spent too much energy on all that flying, and that crash had done her no favors. It was rather alike to being assaulted by a furious five year old. Sure, something is hitting you again and again with great energy and passion… but there isn't exactly much damage being done. Without my duster I’d have felt the bruises tomorrow, but since I was wearing it the assault was just pathetic.

She let out a primal scream of frustration and doubled her efforts as I crossed my arms and just let her flail at me for a bit.

“You done, kid?”I asked kindly as she finally sank down panting and sobbing. This just made her let out another battle cry and ‘charge’ me again.

I ignored her, and instead turned to look at the source of the voice from earlier. I swear, I almost dropped dead from pure ‘daw~w!’ at what I saw. This butter yellow pegasus with a long pink mane she was half hiding behind. I swear, if the Americans ever get gung-ho enough that they try to weaponize cuteness, that mare would still surpass the end result.

I gave her a tiny wave that made her eek. I bit back an urge to clutch my chest and fall backwards and instead pointed a finger down at what I assumed to be a friend of hers. “Slightest chance you can get this girl to back off?”

This induced a shout of “Don’t you ignore me!” from the mare.

Frankly, it made me snap. I’d fallen from the fucking sky, been assaulted and this was how I was getting treated?! I lifted my blasting rod and carefully aimed at a spot far enough that nobody would be hurt. With a growled “Pyrofuego!” a lance of blue-white flame shot out and turned that bit of the road to slag.

Aside from the tinks and other sounds of cooling rock, you could have heard a pin drop on the other end of the village. I glared down at the now trembling pegasus and gave her my best death glare. “Begone. Or I will stop ignoring you, you winged waste of talent.”

The prismatic pegasus prick, or PPP for short, just froze and somehow paled through her fur. Like she’d seen a mouse eat a cat, or something. I just snorted and stomped off to get my staff.

I sighed as a shout of “Stop! How dare you!” came from behind me.

I tucked my rod away and lifted my hand. With another application of “Vento servitas.” the two meter tall staff flew straight into my waiting palm. I turned and did my best to meet the yellow pegasus's glare with my own without looking her in the eyes. “Look Ma’am, your friend jumped me for the dreadful crime of falling through 'her' sky.”

The mare stomped nearer to me, positioning herself in such a way that she covered my line of sight to her exhausted friend. “And that gives you the right to toy with her like that? To destroy the road like that?!”

I tilted my head and thought it over. To her rather obvious chagrin and irritation. “Not really, but I’d argue it was a better and less nasty demonstration then on her, while still having more impact than if I’d fired a blast into the sky.” Both mares spluttered and paled a bit, as if me using such a spell on another person was utterly beyond the pale for them. A bit naive, but I took it as a good sign. Perhaps, just perhaps I’d just gotten unlucky and the rest of this place was if not civilized, then at least more pleasant than this damn town. I nodded towards one of the nearby thatched roofs. “That, and would you have liked if that blast had gone off course? A few cut stones are easier to replace than a house.”

I pointed my staff at the PPP, making them both flinch. “Fine, I handled it poorly… but if I’m in the wrong, so’s freaking she.”

A crack sounded from behind me, accompanied by a purple flash of light. This almost overbearing presence of magic I’d previously mistaken for the freaking magic of this world just appeared behind me. “Step away from my friends.”

I resisted an urge to swallow nervously. The voice had been rather pleasant… but with this tone of near royal commend that broke no disagreement.

With exaggerated slowness and my staff lowered to the ground, I turned and looked at the new arrival. Her appearance surprised me a bit. Not only was she a bit taller than everybody else I’d seen so far, but she had horns and wings.

She was also… very, very purple. It was kinda like looking at a pony shaped plum. We just took a moment to get shocked at each other’s appearance for a few moments, but all too soon she was all business. With narrowed eyes and this nimbus of gathered but yet used power, she started talking. “Who are you? Why have you come here, and why are you threatening my friends?”

I took how the last bit was near snarled as a bad sign. This mare was personally invested in this. Every instinct in me told me to raise my hands in a gesture of peace, but I kept them low. I wasn't certain if the gesture would be seen as such by the locals and I wanted to at least try to be diplomatic.

“Well, it was such a darling day for a walk. One thing lead to another, and here I am.”

I swear I heard crickets chirp from nowhere at my quip. The purple one let out a hot snort that misted in the air, but I held up a hand with my fingers spread before she could start shouting at me. “Fine. Seriously, then.” I jerked my head back a bit towards where the yellow mare was helping the PPP get to her hooves. “A gift from a new friend of mine turned out to have a few rather nasty side effects...” I jingled the amulet for her to see. For some reason, her eyes widened at seeing it. “...but unless involuntary dimensional travel, falling from the sky and using a wind spell to make sure you don’t splat is a crime in these parts I frankly think I've been acting quite civilized for somebody that got jumped by a violent bastard.”

I more felt then saw the PPP bristle, but she remained silent this time.

Her Purpleness seemed to find my words extremely intriguing though, almost to the point where that drove away the anger… but not quite judging from her slicked back ears and slightly flared wings. “You lie. Humans don’t have magic.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. Now that was interesting info. “One, wrong even if it is freakishly rare. Two, that’s rather arrogant of you since I just admitted to not being from this realm. And three, there are humans in this place?”

She twitched slightly. “That’s classified.”

I and the others got distracted by ludicrously wide smiling mint green mare falling out from behind the corner of a building a few hundred meters away. “I knew it! I knew it!”, she screamed at the top of her lungs, only to be muffled by a beige pony mare with caramels on her ass and be dragged out of sight to ‘safety.’

I turned back towards her Purpleness, folding my arms just to utterly signal how little a crap I gave about all of this. “Look. Your friend with the clown wig jumped me. I used minimal force and intimidation to get her to back off.”

With another scream of rage from the PPP and a sigh from me, the twit pounced me again. In response I swiveled around and drove a boot straight into her teats hard. She crumbled to the ground like the career of an honest politician, clutching between her legs and crying.

Honestly, it was like fighting children that had seen too much bad television. It was as if they expected me to just stand there and take their punches until ‘goodness’ prevailed. Or perhaps they didn’t expect a magic user to actually get their hands and feet dirty? Anyway, it was a rather bad effort on their part.

The yellow one I couldn't quite figure out a nickname for gasped and darted glaring at me to her friend's side.

I just turned to her Purpleness as if nothing had happened. “I believe that proves my case?”

Her Purpleness scraped her jaw off the ground… and turned into a freaking rapidash. Her mane turned to roaring flames, her fur so hot it turned white and eyes that looked like fucking fire pits. “Nopony hurts my friends!”

She lowered her horn and let go of this purple glowing burst of raw magic, aimed straight at me.

I got my arm and a shield up just in time to counter, but the impact drove me back almost half a meter. Jesus, what the hell did they feed their kids around here? “Ma’am! Please! There’s no r-”

With another scream and flaring of her wings, the mare shot another blast at me.

I was getting annoyed again. I decided to send a message by countering instead of blocking.

A wizards staff is not the strongest tool in a wizard's arsenal, but it is the most flexible. Since the biggest threat a wizard may pose is how they can do nearly anything if given enough time and preparations, that flexibility gives the tool a potency all on its own, however. They are superficially like a blasting rod, but a blasting rod conjures energies, while a staff uses magic to manipulate them.

Normally when counter-spelling, you need an actual way to actually negate things. A quenching of flames so that they won't burn, a melting of ice so that it won’t freeze or pierce… but just raw magic like that? Even with how raw my new skills felt, I could still swat those away from me until the cows comes home.

Of course, just doing that was still draining and I had a sneaking suspicion that this mare was considered rather badass from how all the locals had visibly calmed at her arrival. One of the cheekiest ones of them, a very pink pony mare with balloons of all things as her mark, was even sitting in a deckchair and eating popcorn.

A more interesting and less draining alternative was however, redirection. So I grabbed my staff like a baseball bat with both hands and swung, sending the ball of purple death straight back at the prick.

Technically I could have just raised my staff and willed it, but what was the fun in that?

Her jaw fell again and it apparently shocked her enough that the flame effect went away, but she teleported away of all things before she could be hit by her own spell. The spell itself had apparently a maximum range, because it harmlessly fizzled out after about a hundred meters or so.

Her Purpleness reappeared on a nearby roof, wide eyed and raving. “That isn't possible! How did you do that?!”

“Magic,” I deadpanned. I waved my staff at her with a cheeky smile. “It’s almost as if I’m a wizard or something!” I paused as her eye began twitching and a few strands of hair sprang out from her mane in a rather comedic fashion. “Say, that teleport was rather nifty. Slightest chance we can stop this madness and actually talk things over like adults?”

In response she just spread her wings and dove straight down at me. Horn pointed straight at my chest.

“No!” The PPP shouted. “Twi, quick! Get out of the air!”

It was too late, however. I’d already raised my staff, gathered the energy and… “Veni che!”

The wind based levitation caught her, holding her in place just about five meters up and away. It didn't last long before she dispelled it with a quick burst of light from her horn, but she looked a bit green at having been tumbled around in the air like that.

“You do realize that I’m holding back, right?” I let out a huge yawn without covering my mouth. “You're decent, I’ll grant you that… but you have the killer instinct of a drunk housefly. Can we please solve this diplomatically?”

She stumbled slightly as she landed, but she just pointed her horn at me again. “Then yield, and we’ll solve this legally.”

I just shook my head at that. “A court. In the land where I got jumped by somebody for falling from the sky? I don’t think that trial would be very fair.” I pointed a finger at the scowling mare. “Counteroffer. We stop this farce and actually talk like adults.”

She lowered her head, glaring at me. “I don’t know where you got that thing… but I recognize a copy of the alicorn amulet when I see it. Take it off, back off, and nopony gets hurt.”

A small mocking burst of light came from my chest. I thumped the amulet with a fist. “Be quiet. You've done enough for a day.” I got what could be best described as a low glower in response, if I’m allowed the pun. Still, no more light after that.

The small exchange seemed to utterly shock this ‘Twi’ character, however. “It’s self aware!?”

I just gave a shrug, trying not to sound positively caustic as I deadpanned. “I don’t rightly know. I've been too busy falling through time and space, only to be jumped for falling through the sky to sit down and have a chat with him.”

I got an angry red flare for that.

“Oh, sorry. Her.”

The amulet blinked red once, seemingly satisfied with my response.

Twi still seemed shocked, but she just squared her shoulders and glowered at me. “Look, Mr…?”

A sneaking suspicion flittered through me. A magic user, asking my name? Like that would lead anywhere well. Still, I kinda had something of an alias to default to. “Harry Dresden.”

“Harry,” she said in a surprisingly kind voice, before pointing a hoof at my amulet. “If that thing is what I think it is, then it is a magic booster that drives the user insane. Please, take it off and we can talk about this.”

I blinked at that. I held the amulet up to eye-height and glared at it suspiciously. “Anything to add to that?”

One blink. Then the cheeky bit of bling just fell silent.

I felt my eyebrow twitch involuntarily. “And that would be…?”

I got two blinks this time.

With a sigh, I tugged the thing over my head and placed it in one of my inner pockets. I get an angry little flash of red, but nothing else. I shot Twi a level look. “Better?”

She held out a hoof. “Give it here.”

“Not on your life,” I pointed my staff over my shoulder, roughly at the point of the sky I’d fallen through. “That thing brought me here. It’s my best bet for getting home.” I couldn't quite keep a snarl off my face as my eyes drifted to the PPP who’d pulled herself to her hooves again. “And I refuse to bow and scrape no matter who you think you are because I had to defend myself against a violent bastard.”

The PPP growled and started stalking towards me again, but her yellow friends proved to actually have a brain by grabbing her and holding her back. The rainbow maned twit struggled a bit, but she was too spent to get loose from her friends grip.

I flexed the fingers with the force rings on. I didn't like it, but a darker part of me realized I’d been able to solve this with two freaking spells by now. One for each idiot. I wasn't certain if my new magic followed the rules about corruption from dark deeds that the Dresden files have, or if I was just using mental shorthand for local stuff shoved into my mind from the amulet... but I’d rather not risk it either way. I doubted I’d even be able to do any of the more exotic things on the ‘absolutely never do this’ list anytime soon, but killing? That was within my power. Not that I considered myself a violent man, but this whole situation was fraying my nerves to the breaking point.

Heck, for all I knew the local stuff might have even more stringent ‘rules’ than the Dresden stuff. I was flying almost completely blind on a freaking magic carpet and this warm welcome wasn't helping matters.

I came to a conclusion.

Fuck it.

I gave the group the finger. They obviously wouldn't recognize the gesture, but I was hoping the intent would be clear from my body language. “I did not come here to cause trouble. I do not want any trouble. But frankly? This mess? It’s one of the least pleasant experiences I've had, so I'm turning and walking away. Stop me, and I’ll see that as a sign that there is nothing of value in those skulls of yours and get serious.” I lowered my arm and gave them all my darkest glare. “Please do not force my hand.”

Before the stunned bastards, and their admittedly much more level headed yellow friend, could do anything I’d swept around and started stalking off. I honestly didn't have a destination except away. This whole thing disgusted me. I just couldn't’ help but wonder… On the whole it was a clear upgrade, even If I’d liked more say in it… but I had been quite clearly warped. Would these pricks have jumped me... had I ended up of the quadruped persuasion? I had a rather dark suspicion that the answer was in the negative.

I’d half expected a spell to come whistling. I had not expected this purple tinkling aura to just form around my feet and lift me clear of the ground by my ankles. I bit back a expletive and growled at the now upside down mares. “You have to the count of five.”

A rather insistent tug on my staff happened as another aura formed. I just tugged back. I held up four fingers on my free hand.

“Please, give me the amulet. Let us help.” The condescending purple bastard even sounded as if she meant it. Right. And I was certain a ‘magic boost’ wasn't of the slightest interest to who was clearly the town practitioner or similar. Three fingers.

Another much harder pair of tugs actually relieved me of both my staff and blasting rod. They both floated over to Twi’s side. “Just fascinating…” She murmured, seemingly actually mesmerized by them. Two fingers.

“...Um, Twi?” The butter yellow one quickly said as she saw the look on my face. “I don’t think he’s giving up.” I flashed her a wide predatory grin that made her flinch slightly… then I held up one finger. Guess which one.

The PPP snorted. “Please, we took both his artificial horns. What is he gonna do?”

I clenched my fist. “Zero. Last fucking warning.”

Twi barely looked up from my stuff. “Sure. You do whatever you're about to do. I’m sure it will be impressive.”

The utter nonchalance just stunned me for a moment. “Seriously? Alien creature with unknown capabilities and gear, and your response is that?”

Twi rolled her eyes, making my pulse quicken. “It’s clear you need these for any serious magic. It’s a bit hard to be threatened by somepony that’s been the next best thing to dehorned.”

I shrugged and pulled my hand back. “Your funeral.”

Now, if you see the staff as a magical crowbar. It’s a potent tool and if you ‘swing it around’ you can do quite a bit of damage... but at the end of the day it is simply a flexible tool. By the same tool metaphor, the blasting rod is a combat-knife. Sure, it may be used for less bloody purposes, but it is clearly meant to be a weapon. In this context, force rings are basically magic knuckle dusters. They have one job, and that is to let you hurt whatever you swing them at.

I swung mine straight at the purple bastard’s shocked face and triggered every damn ring I had. “Assantius!”

The beam of invisible force was so intense it caused a slight lensing effect in the air as it rushed towards the mare. I had thought the rings would be next to empty since they were in a sense new, but apparently not. She dropped me and tried to put a shield up, but she simply wasn't fast enough. I half expected her head to be torn clean off, but it just snapped back, dragging all the rest of her through the air as if fired from a cannon. She hit what looked like the front door of a tree of all things with a loud crash. She hung there for a moment and then flopped bonelessly to the ground.

It sounded as if the entire town stopped breathing. The pink mare from earlier even choked on her popcorn.

I landed in a heap, but was soon on my feet. I worried a bit for my gun, but didn't have time to check. Instead I raised my hand and called my rod and staff to me with a quick and dirty burst of wind I didn't even bother with the incantation for.

That’s when the screaming and panic started. I had had enough, so I drew in the slow and heavy magic I was fairly certain was earth into an improved spell and slammed the tip of my staff down. The following boom shook the entire square. “Silence!”

I didn't wait for them to comply, I just started walking up to the still mare.

A sudden burst of magic and a strangely angry shout of “Knock, knock!” made me turn around.

Only to see the pink mare from earlier, but with her mane straight instead of looking like a pink rat’s nest for some reason. "Surprise!" she snarled at me in a strangely bubbly way.

And she was aiming a freaking canon straight at me. I didn't quite know how to react to that, but I got this strangest urge to say ‘Surprise, who?’ but I fought it down with a bit of willpower. For some reason the mare’s eyes widened in surprise at that. What the fuck? Who uses joke based magic?

I narrowed my own eyes at the now slightly trembling mare. “Same deal as before. Five.”

She fired the cannon. The payload of freaking streamers and confetti bounced of my duster.

I took a slow breath and mentally started counting backwards from ten. It really was like fighting children. Specist children with superpowers they seemed to threat as a freaking joke. The concept frankly pissed me off almost as much as how they’d so far been treating me had. “Four.”

The mare just looked in confusion between her canon and me. Then she fired it again, somehow without actually reloading it. I replaced my rod in it’s pocket, calmly wiped most of the custard off with the back of my hand, pulled out my handgun and calmly aimed it at her head. “This is what we consider portable weaponry we’re I am from. Hint, it does not fire custard.” I flicked the safety off and pulled the hammer back. The mare in turn froze in place, her ‘weapon’ falling from her hooves and gently rolling away. “Three, by the way.”

Luckily, this one took the fucking hint. She rushed off to the other group with tears streaming behind her, all but confirming the allegiance I’d previously only suspected. They huddled together, looking lost and pitiful.

I slowly walked up to what seemed to be their leader. Amazingly, she was still alive and even starting to stir.

Judging from the blood dripping down her wings from where bones had pierced skin, and how her horn had a large crack in it I didn't anticipate much resistance, however. She tried to get up and glare at me, but one of her forelegs had popped out of its socket, making her scream and fall down back to the ground when she tried to put weight on it.

I honestly felt… detached. This small part of me was screaming in horror at all this, but the rest just felt cold. Like I’d been in combat like this a thousand times, and it wouldn't be a problem until I could safely fall apart afterwards.

I lowered the hammer on the pistol and reapplied the safety, something I hadn't known how to do yesterday, before putting it back in its holster.

Then I walked up to, and glared down at her. “Angering a wizard is quite unhealthy, child.”

The purple mare tried to light her horn, but with a small bit back scream the tiny glow just flickered and died.

I raised my hands in front of me, making the whole place suck in a breath. The mare just lowered her head and closed her eyes, tears streaming out anyway.

Then I gave a slow clap. “A for effort, though.” Her eyes shot up and the tears stopped. She just looked confused… and a little pissed. “You might actually make a decent mage one day. Just drop that prismatic moron and get a friend with more than two brain cells instead. She’s not only unhealthy for you, but this entire town.”

I didn't wait to see what emotion the conflicted mare would actually settle on, instead I turned and walked away.

Now what?

I stopped and extended a single finger towards a random mare; One of the morons from earlier that had wipped the whole town into a panic. She had a blond mane with a lily stuck in it, a raspberry coat and trembling amber eyes. “You.”

At that simple word, her eyes gently rolled back in her head and she just fell to the ground like a toy somebody had knocked over.

I blinked, before just deciding to roll with it. I picked another mare. This one had a mane two different shades of pink, green eyes, a dark purple pelt and three smiling flowers on her ass. “You, then.”

Her companion, a red stallion wearing a bridle of all things and large enough to actually reach to my waist took a deliberate step in between us. I folded my hands over my chest and waited for it.

We ended up starting each other down for nearly five minutes before I broke the silence. “...Well?”

He just raised an eyebrow at me.

“Isn't this the part where you try to hit me first, while still somehow acting as if you're the moral victor in the whole resulting mess?”

The stallions eyes flickered over towards the quite literal tree house. "...Nope."

I looked over at Twi, now surrounded by her friends who were all staring at me and the strange exchange. The yellow one was the only one preoccupied as she was administering first-aid. Good. One less headache.

I looked back at the stallion, who thankfully hadn't tried anything. I decided to risk it and just held up my hands in a gesture of surrender. “Look, I just want to know the way to the capitol, or any other major settlement. Hopefully it won’t be this damn specist.”

His eyes narrowed at my last word and he pawed a bit at the ground.

I just folded my arms over my chest and snorted at him. “Look me in the freaking eye and tell me this mess would have happened if I looked like a local.”

A flicker of uncertainty danced over his face, making me smirk despite it all. He snorted at me. “You have a very irritating smile, Mr.”

That just made me smile a bit wider.

Wordlessly, the red stallion pointed a hoof at a mountain in the distance. I could just barely see something gleam halfway up it at this distance. “Canterlot. Can’t miss it.”

I blinked and cleared out my ear. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

This seemed to irritate him almost as the ‘specist’ comment. “I believe you heard me, Mr.”

I tapped my staff against my chin, looking at the place while keeping him in my peripheral “Interesting parallel. In my world, Camelot was the castle of the legendary King Arthur. Something of a symbol of strength and purity.”

Something flickered over near every face within earshot. Strange. “...Was?” The mare behind Mr. Red asked, seemingly mostly thinking out-loud.

“Don’t remember the details on the legend of Arthur, but his illegitimate son turned into some type of dark knight,” I answered half automatically as I planned how to get to that city without causing mass panic. “They ended up dying on each other’s blades. Quite the tragic tale, really.”

Again, that strange almost collective flicker. I was obviously missing something, but I didn't have a clue what.

The mare, seemingly emboldened by not having her head off asked another monosyllable question. “...Why?”

I gave a shrug. “Something about a prophecy. A prophecy that Arthur ended up fulfilling just because he tried to stop it.” I made a grimace. “Basically, he had one moment of darkness and it damned him." My head drifted back to the group of mares who were rather obviously trying to look as they weren't listening. "Can’t say I care for stories like that.”

“...And that moment would be?” Mr. Red asked, clearly fascinated despite himself.

“It was prophesied that his own son would end him,” I made a cutting gesture across my throat. “Short version. Mordred the so called traitor’s main crime was that he as a child survived. A bit grim.”

Again that flicker, but this time mixed in with both disgust and horror. Honestly, it wasn't that grim a tale.

“Anyway, a pleasure to have a civilized conversation. I was beginning to doubt this realm held intelligent life, to be blunt.” I intentionally turned away from them and gave a small wave. “I better leave before the local champions or something knowing my luck shows, and this nasty dance starts again. Ta.”

I didn't get any reply as I sauntered off, my shoes and staff clicking on the stone. Hadn't expected one, but it was still a bit rude.

As I walked and the locals shirked out of my path, I thought things over a bit. I’d been a rather disgusted with what I’d almost ended up needing to do, but all in all? Not a bad result. I’d prefer to not have had gone through any of that crap, but a slight reputation that the spindly biped doesn't take any crap might be quite healthy until I figure out how to get home. I doubted the word of three morons would mean much outside this tiny village, even if they got backed up by their only friend with a brain. In combination with the entire town having seen that battle and how I’d given them such ample chances to back off..., Even if most of them seemed to be a bunch of panicky morons, I should be safe.

A tinkling of silver against silver reminded me. I needed to have a long ‘chat’ with a certain piece of bling, but that could wait until I made camp.

I groaned a bit as I hit the edge of the town and saw just how far I had. It looked like several days by foot.

With a shrug and whistling a merry tune, I headed out towards this ‘Canterlot’ place. Silly name, but I felt fairly certain I’d get a warmer reception in that town.

Chapter 3 - Heresy!

View Online

I’d found this rather comfy half-hollow in a sandy hill near a brook to set up camp in. Not very surprisingly given who I now resembled, fire hadn't been much trouble and I had this cozy little log fire going.

I chuckled a bit to myself at that. Lumber-jacking was actually rather fun when you could just point your staff at something and shout a spell. The small pile of birch saplings nearby I’d knocked down were probably serious overkill for one night, but I didn't have a clue about the wildlife around here. Given that the local populace was seemingly made up from freaking mythological creatures I’d decided to not risk running out of fuel.

Fire is actually a rather interesting thing, elementally and magically speaking. It consumes and devours… but it also changes and strengthens. Makes sense if you just think about it. Even a completely mundane fire can both burn and warm you after all, sometimes even both at the same time. Like many things in both magic and knowledge, it all depended on how one wielded it.

I taped my feet in the air, one leg crocked over the other as I just laid there on the ground near the fire. It was rather meditative. The cracks of the flames, the bubbling of the brook, the rain against my shield…

Oh yeah, rain against my shield. Quite the puzzle. The drops just splattered against the now rather smoke filled half-dome I’d made mostly as an experiment. It served beautifully as a roof of a sort, but it shouldn't have.

Water is another greedy element, but in a different way to fire. Go pour a bottle of the finest wine into the ocean. You might have made a passing fish quite dead and or happy while pissing of any wine lovers nearby… but the ocean doesn't care. It still thirst and hungers. One of the ways this showed was in how flowing water was supposed to treat magic. You know all those old tales about nasty things just stopping at a river? Basically, the water is just supposed to greedily dig into their essence and pull it away. For anything more magic than flesh, running water is supposedly the next best thing to a shower in acid dipped razor-blades.

I let out a thoughtful hum and stared at my shield as I scratched at my stubble. So why was my shield doing the impossible? Even magic has rules, and this broke a rather major one to my rather limited knowledge. It had gotten a bit more power-hungry during this downpour, but it should have popped like a balloon in an exploding needle factory.

It was a rather interesting conundrum, and I frankly thought it quite relaxing to just lay here and try to puzzle it out after the darn day I’d had. I wasn't exactly making much headway since I basically had a few spells showed into my head and my recollection of a fictional magic system to work with, but it beat laying there and thinking on how screwed I currently was.

What can I say? I’m not one for angst. I’d of course do my utmost to get home and if not reclaim my own face, then at least make this one my own… but considering I’d been in a wizards duel just hours past I frankly considered most of this the price of admission.

Magic, right? Who hasn't dreamed? I most certainly had. It was one of the things that had pulled me in about the Dresden series actually. Dude has awesome phenomenal cosmic powers in a setting where everybody ‘knows’ magic doesn't exist… and his response to that is opening a small office with the word ‘wizard’ printed on the bloody door? No trying to topple all worldly governments, no trying alchemy to just breeze by in life… Just one dude that’s basically a PI, just with scrying and fireballs instead of notepads and revolvers.

I couldn't quite stop a grin as I felt the pistol in my pocket. Of course, one should always move with the times…

I got a bit serious as I raised my hand with the shield bracelet on and feed a bit more magic into the construct. I lowered my left hand again. It was a bit embarrassing, but after a bit of experimentation I’d realized I’d been using that focus almost completely the wrong way. It seemed I’d remembered wrong on which hand did what. Technically, it was mostly an efficiency thing. I’d done the magical equivalent of sucking instead of blowing if I’m allowed to be a bit crude... but that type of slip-up might have still cost me my life if that fight from earlier hadn't been so half-assed. All it would have taken was something a bit more foul then a pissed pegasus or raw but pure magic meeting my shield and it might have utterly fucked up my system.

I let out an unhappy grunt and shifted slightly on the ground. To give the devil his dues, it seemed quite clear they had been mostly holding back just as much as I had. I’d just gotten in the best sucker punch once things actually escalated enough. A pity the PPP was such an utter hot-headed fool, because the other girls had seemed quite alright. Granted, I couldn't help but get a ‘Sarah, age six’s favorite toys’ vibe off ‘em thanks to how gosh darn cute they all were and those colors, but that was hardly their fault.

I fought down a sad sigh. Still, I believe that particular bridge can be considered burned and the ground it stood on thoroughly salted. No sense to dwell.

A burst of light from my pocket with an almost sulking quality to it reminded me. I just looked sternly towards my pocket. “I’ll admit, I don’t think you're evil incarnate. If you were, you’d done something nastier.” I jabbed a finger hard at my pocket and the amulet inside. “But dragging me across time and space like that, and warping my body like this without my permission? Consider this a serious timeout, young Lady. You’ll be taken out tomorrow.”

I got a series of flashes I’m fairly certain was ‘cray-cray magic amulet speak’ for a string of obscenities that would have made me blush if I understood them, but after that she grew still. I swear I felt an evil ‘glare’ from my own pocket, though. I just ignored it.

Instead I checked my dinner. I didn't exactly have any idea how long I’d actually spent drifting in that void but that ‘fight’ had left me feeling ravenous. I wasn't a great outdoors-man or anything, but hey, magic. It was a rather egregious bit of loophole abuse since I was still worried about the no killing with magic thing, but snagging jumping fishes with burst of wind had proven child’s play. Using my sword to gut and clean them had been a bit awkward, but it had worked and now I had this row of nearly a dozen skewered fishes turning gently golden brown near my fire. I didn't have any seasoning, but the sight and smell still made my mouth water.

A small rustle made me look up. Apparently I wasn't the only one that thought it smelled nice. It was a bit obscured by the quickly fading light and the rain, but I could just see this white chicken of all things staring at me. It had the oddest intensely red eyes and seemed to be giving me a death glare of all things, but it seemed a normal enough bird.

Who am I to question providence?

“Hey, ugly?” I said in a pleasant conversational tone that would only fool an animal while pulling out my pistol. I undid the safety and aimed it at her. “If you’re not sapient, say ‘cluck.’”

I took how it let out an angry gobble and intensified its glare as invitation for tomorrow’s dinner and blew its head off. With a bang much louder than on television the chicken’s head turned into a red mist, while the body fell spasming down into the bush.

I got the oddest sense of mental disconnect at the act. Again, like I’d done something a thousand times before, but still for the first time.

With a shrug I fished out a .45 ACP bullet out of my pockets and started the rather tedious act of topping off the clip. Nowhere near as fast as in the games, I’ll say that much. Luckily given the theme of my costumes I had enough ammo to fight a small platoon… but I only had that one clip. It didn't matter for the Winchester since it had an internal magazine you feed from outside when you need to reload, but the staying power of my pistol in a serious fight was currently rather limited. Since I doubted the locals had guns at quite this tech-level given the magical streamer cannon from earlier I simply didn't see much chance in fixing that so I was trying to use the less practical ammo first.

With a grunt of irritation I placed the gun back after I was done. In fact, I didn't have a lot of things for these guns since they’d been only props only days ago. To my pleasant surprise I’d actually found a small cleaning kit in the holster for the Winchester, but no such luck for the pistol. It was probably only a matter of time before the handgun stopped working on me, no matter how careful I was.

I pulled out my strangely still normal and functioning cell-phone. It wouldn't for much longer one way or the other since its battery was dying… but after all the magic I’d been both near and throwing around it should be bricked by now. Dresden style wizards and tech don’t mix, you see. They've got this aura of raw magic just pouring out of them that usually works as a quite potent techbane field.

Feeling a bit cheeky and wanting to thumb my nose at fate, I played a round of Angry Birds. Nothing happened. Didn't even manage a new high-score.

I tapped a finger at the side of the thing. I was a bit tempted to test out another spell from the series. Hexus. It was basically a weaponization of that same techbane aura. If it worked, or even if it didn't, it would tell me quite a bit about the local rules of magic. That, and it might be a very good counter in case I ran into any more things like that cannon but with actual ordinance in them. Testing that kind of stuff on the battlefield is never wise.

I placed my cell back into its pocket, switching it off to save battery. But on the other hand this was technically not only a computational device, but by local standards, an alien one. For all I knew it might be the fastest supercomputer on the planet. Heck, it might be the only computer period on this planet. The locals seemed a bit xenophobic, but hardly stupid. Blowing up what might be the biggest bargain chip on me for info I was reasonably certain I could find in a public library was rather shortsighted.

With a short glance at my fish to check that they weren't getting burnt, I grunted myself to my feet and got ready to stalk over to check my kill. The fish seemed done, so I took a moment to move their skewers further away from the fire before stomping over and digging around in the bush. It took a little looking, but I just stared at the scaly and feathered thing I actually found in the bushes. What the fuck?

Then it clicked. A chicken mixed with a snake. The offspring of a snake and a rooster.

A shiver raced down my spine. I’d been staring down a cockatrice without even noticing. Come to think about it, I had felt this strange prickling from its gaze. Had it really been trying to turn me to stone? I quickly flexed my joints and tried to feel for any lingering magic. To my relief, I found no stiffness and nothing but my own inner reserves. It seemed I’d dodged quite the bullet by firing my own.

I let out a sigh of relief. Still, it made me reevaluate the potential threat the local wildlife posed… and even if it was begrudgingly, my animosity towards the locals a little as well. It was rather bloody stupid of them not to have a town-wall if things like this roamed the countryside, but their stampeding at a strange thing just dropping down in their sanctum slash home suddenly made a bit more sense. It was still both rude and stupid off them to panic at the sight of the mighty wizard raising his hand and saying ‘Um, hi?’ but it made a little more sense to me, at least.

I snagged a leaf and gently dropped it into the spreading pool of cockatrice blood near where its head had been. I knew from watching too much Discovery channel that all snakes on my world at least are edible, and chicken was kind of a given… but I wasn't certain if I wanted to risk it with their mutant magic offspring. Nothing happened to the leaf, but I still decided to just chuck the thing deeper into the woods with a quick burst of wind. No sense in taking chances with something as nasty as petrifaction.

I was just about to head back to the warmth of my fire when a voice came drifting over the wind. “I tell you, Applejack. It came from this way.”

The voice didn't exactly scream ‘highwayman’ to me. In fact, if I didn't know better I’d say it was a rather high-class woman’s voice, speaking in a Mid-Atlantic accent of all things. Still, I sunk deeper into the shadows. My staff was still near the fire, and my sword cane and Winchester was hidden away in the hollow. The last two weren't that well hidden, but compared to the staff I’d just jabbed into the dirt a bit from the fire they might as well have been laying in the hands of Jimmy Hoffa.

Another woman’s voice answered the first speaking in, I kid you not, a freaking southern drawl. I honestly wasn't certain if I should be fascinated by the similarities on display, or face-palm at the implication that even the multiverse had seemingly a thing for plagiarism. “Yah really sure, Rarity? This wagon just ain't meant for this terrain. It’s s-“ Her no doubt colorful euphemism got cut off as she no doubt spotted my camp. “Well, Ah stand corrected. Good ears, Rares.”

I’d pegged the new arrivals as more ponies from how low a point their voices came from, but it didn't sound as if I had the legal kind of company. I moved a bit closer while sticking to the shadows. I wasn't certain just how well they could see, but given that they had eyes in a size that honestly made me wonder what more efficient alternative to grey-matter they’d evolved I was betting on ‘really well.’

I caught sight of two ponies with a small wagon of a sort. The wagon seemed mostly empty, but they were both wearing bulging saddlebags. I must admit I made a double take at that first, but on second thought I realized that without the ‘horses are animals’ connotation it must simply be the local version of backpacks.

The first, an almost alabaster unicorn with a fuchsia mane and tail carefully styled in almost a corkscrew pattern. She all but screamed high maintenance Lady. Even out here in the sticks, a bit wet and with mud up to her fetlocks she just had that special grace you only see in people that actually strive for it. I still didn't know what those emblems I swear I recognized from somewhere was about, but she had three gems as hers. They were just the right shade of blue that I couldn't tell if they were meant to be sapphires or diamonds, but I swear I saw one of them sparkle in the light of my fire. That made me really curious how they’d been made. Just how had somebody managed that on fur? I had a suspicion the answer was ‘magic,’ but still… That answer just didn't sound as dismissive to my ears as it had just a few days ago.

That’s about at the moment I realized I’d been staring at a unicorn’s butt for a bit longer than was probably healthy for my sanity. As intriguing a design as it was and how little the locals seemed to care for clothes, I couldn't help but feel I was close to ‘too much and you’ll go blind’ territory.

I shifted my gaze to her companion. This mare seemed almost the total opposite of her companion. Her coat was a rather pleasant shade of orange. A bit brighter than anything I’d considered natural before all this, but not unpleasantly so. Her mane and tail were a rather pretty and surprisingly mundane golden blond, the former tied into a braid that reached halfway down her back and crowned by a Stetson of all hats.

The Stetson wearer who I presumed to be Applejack needed to detach from the wagon, but Lady Rarity was already sniffing around my camp in a slightly disturbing literal fashion. It felt strange to see what pushed so many of my ‘a person’ buttons act in a manner that pushed a few of my ‘an animal’ ones. Still, I filed the info away in case I needed it. Being hounded by the next best thing to sapient bloodhounds seemed quite unpleasant.

Her nose wrinkled at the smell of gunpowder still lingering, but I swear I saw her eyes light up at seeing the fish. They are omnivores despite the equine appearance? I almost growled as she reached out for one of my fish, but she just held a hoof over it before turning to her companion. “Whoever’s here can’t have been gone long. The food is still warm.”

“No offence, Rarity...” Applejack pointed a hoof at my smoke filed shield with a humorous expression. “Yah might want to get an eye or horn exam.”

I fought back a snort and eye-roll. Cute.

Rarity leaned her head back and blinked at my shield. “Oh my. I can’t believe I missed that.”

Applejack snorted before walking up to her friend. Her nose wrinkled as she drew near. “What’s that smell? Smells like fireworks and… wet leather?” I saw the hairs on her neck rise, even at a distance. “Is that blood?”

Rarity took another sniff. “…Yeah. And not only fish, but I don’t recognize the type.”

Applejack fidgeted, clearly nervous. “Is this a gryphon hunting party camp?” She spoke the words to the whole area, scanning around but not noticing me in the gloom. Good eyesight, but poor night vision, perhaps? Might explain why they were so keen on finding an already set up camp. And gryphons as well, and sapient at how she addressed the place? Interesting… “If so, stop this darn ghost routine. It ain’t funny.”

I was just about to oblige since this drizzle was highly annoying, when Rarity’s eyes snapped to my staff. I slunk back into the shadows and decided to see what was about to happen. Her horn lit up, forming an aura around my focus. She let it go almost instantly, letting off a gasp and backing off as if her tail was on fire.

As I’d suspected, the Applejack girl had far more in the brains department than her accent suggested since she didn’t stop or ask anything, she just darted off with her friend. My, my… shrewd. Wonder how many she’s made to just completely underestimate her with the country-gal routine? Granted, for all I know that accent might be the local stereotype of well-read genius and her friend the one that sounds like a redneck, but still.

Rarity’s eyes didn't leave my staff until Applejack poked her hard in the side. “Alright, spill it,” Applejack nodded towards the focus. “Why’d yah dart of from that badly carved bit of driftwood?”

I felt a pang of irritation at hearing my sweat and tears called that. The staff might have been warped and upgraded a bit beyond the old hockey stick it had once been, but I’d still poured quite a bit of work into it. Still, I fought the sneer down. I was learning way too much valuable information to let a jab of irritation and wounded pride stop me.

Rarity pointed a slightly trembling hoof at the staff. “It… feels like a horn. A live one.”

Applejack clearly balked at the statement. “Wha…? Yah can’t be serious. That bit of wood?”

Rarity seemed at a loss for words, she just nodded not even taking her eyes of my staff.

I scratched my chin and thought it over while the two mares stared at ‘that bit of driftwood.’ That was actually rather interesting info. I’d gathered that my things were rather fascinating by local standards, but these two mares stared as if they’d found a cold fusion reactor blueprint and prototype the size of a toaster at the local flea market. Had a nation were seemingly a third of the population were mages as I knew them failed to produce any alternative to their horns? Granted, a natural focus just growing out of your forehead sounded as it might a bit too good to bother looking for alternatives.

Applejack had gone back to scanning the tree line. “Rarity, that ain't the kind of stuff somepony just leaves behind. And it ain't something the average Joe would have, either. I think we should go.”

“Applejack!” Rarity snapped at her friend in a whisper. “If that is what I think it is… We can’t just leave something like that here!”

Applejack gave her friend a downright unfriendly level look. “So, what exactly are yah saying, Rarity?”

Rarity, to her credit, seemed quite mortified with her friend’s implication. “Not like that!” She pointed at my by now cooling dinner. “I say we wait. Politely ask where or how its owner got such a thing, and if he or she would care to part with it. Perhaps just letting Twilight study it, or something.”

I couldn't help it. I gave a slow clap. I didn't care if it made both mares jump out of their skins. It was just nice to see that there actually existed decent people on these shores. That they seemingly had at least a passing interest in pursuits more noble then ‘beat up the freak’ was just doubly pleasant.

Both mares got really tense, but they seemingly forced themselves to just stand there in a relaxed posture. Rarity’s poker-face was a bit better than Applejack's, but they were both flicking their tails in annoyance.

I stayed in the shadows, but I cleared my throat and raised my voice. “Sorry about the ‘ghost routine,’ but I've met a few nasty customers on these shores.” I hesitated as I wasn't certain if I wanted to go that ‘into character’ but I decided to roll with it. That Rarity girl at least seemed like the type to respond well to manners, and I could use every edge I could get. Besides, a good impression is always an asset. “I hope the small transgression in manners may be forgiven, Ladies? No ill intent, I swear. I was just away in the forest dealing with a small pest that had snuck up on me and decided to wait and see on seeing you in my camp. I hope it is understandable given the circumstances?”

Rarity’s eyes near lit like happy bonfires on being referred to as a Lady, but she frowned a bit at the part about ‘a pest.’

Applejack just snorted and narrowed her eyes, still scanning for but missing me every time it seemed. Did they really have that poor dark vision? That just might be a good non-lethal combat method. “Care to come out and say that? And just what do yah mean with ‘pest?’”

“Slightest chance the name ‘cockatrice’ means anything on these shores? One of the disturbing things snuck up on me.”

Judging from how both mares blinked it did. Rarity spoke first, in a carefully polite voice. “Forgive me… but a cockatrice, a small pest?”

“To be utterly honest I only saw its head and thought I’d gotten lucky thanks to a farmer's ill fortunes…” I gave a shrug that Applejack actually zeroed in on. Interesting, so a bit easier for them to see movement in the dark? “Not that it would have really changed anything. I've got a rather simple policy on anything that tries to kill and eat me.”

Both mares nodded slowly. They didn't quite seem to like my answer, but not enough to disagree with the statement.

Applejack was frowning, her eyes locked on where she’d seen me move. It seemed she was calculating my height and not really liking the answer. “Yah a dragon, mister? Can’t say ah mind, but I’d like some warning.”

My, my… dragons as well? What an interesting realm I've ended up in. “No, Ma’am, but I've gotten the impression I’m rather exotic by local standards. Just a fair warning.”

Both mares tensed a bit at that. Rarity did that extra polite voice thing again. “…Well, I’m certain we’ll be able to handle it for a gentlecolt as yourself.”

I actually smiled at that. Applejack seemed to notice my teeth, but except keeping a close eye on me she made no comment. I took that as signal that it was time to go out and at least attempt a civilized meeting.

Their eyes widened quite a bit when I passed the tree line, but I kept the smile on and raised my right hand in greeting while keeping the other with the thumb tucked into one of my pockets. “Howdy, pleasure to meet you both.” I gave them both a nod. “Kinda overheard both your names, so to be even mine’s Harry Dresden. A pleasure”

Rarity just blinked and let out a low “Oh my.” seemingly a bit lost in how tall I was.

Applejack however, just narrowed her eyes at me.

I stopped and tilted my head. “...Was it the howdy? I was just trying to be informal. It wasn't a quip at the accent.”

Her expression softened a bit, but only a little. “Don’t care when somepony lies to me. Real name, Mr…?”

That made me blink. Still, I suppose the truth would do. “The place I learned my magic from capital N Names are considered a big deal. Sorry, but I’m a bit too nervous with the amount of magic users around here to give out that. If it makes any difference, Harry Dresden is the only fake name I use.” I couldn't quite keep a chuckle in. “Consider it something of a mask, if you want.”

Both mares blinked again at that; seemingly a bit shocked I’d just fessed up like that. Rarity spoke up first. “...What do you mean with ‘capital N Names?’”

I walked over to my fire and sat down before answering. “The local costumes with fire and food are…? Just wondering if I count as a host or not.” I pointed at my fish. “No seasoning, and honestly I don’t even know if you guys eat meat or not, but the polite thing for me is to ask.”

Applejack seemed to warm up quite a bit at that. “Well, ah’ll be… mighty kind of you, but w-”

Applejack let out an umph as Rarity shoved her hoof into her mouth, mud and all. The mare shot her friend a disgusted look before darting off to wash her mouth in the brook.

Rarity was just drooling, and her eyes hadn't left the fish. It was rather disturbing, actually. “What my friend meant to say is that of course we’d like to break bread with you, so to speak.” Ever seen a unicorn all but skip… because you're dangling the flesh of the aquatic equivalent of innocent woodland creature in front of her? Well, it’s adorably disturbing.

And then she grinned wide enough that I saw canines. Rather pointy ones that gleamed. Eep.

I frankly just metaphorically dove out of the way and let her ravish my stores. I gave the now returned and morbidly fascinated Applejack a questioning look as the tiny bones started flying. “I take it she likes fish?”

Applejack sighed and trotted off to her wagon. “Please excuse her. Apparently unicorns need more fat an’ protein thanks to the whole magic thingamajig…”

“...But it’s… what, considered crude, or something?” I volunteered, not quite being able to take my eyes away from the piscine massacre going on.

“Bingo,” Applejack said as she came trotting back with a sack of apples over her back. “You’re an omnivore, right? Your teeth kinda looks like the ones on a minotaur, just minus the muzzle.”

That made me make a double take. “Minotaurs as well? Just how many intelligent species are there in this world?”

I realized I’d put my foot quite squarely in my mouth when both mares just froze. I raised my hands in an exaggerated gesture of peace. “Magic accident. I swear on my power I didn't come here to cause any trouble.”

I actually felt the damn vow slitter through my magic like a snake through mud. That bit hadn't been in any of the books. Since it had just been the truth of what I had done it faded within moments without doing anything, but it gave me a bit of perspective just what kind of forces I’d started playing at learning.

Rarity was looking at me with wide eyes, still hunched over her latest momentarily forgotten innocent victim. “...What was that?”

I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair. “...That vow is kinda nasty for a wizard. I’m just not used to uttering it.”

Applejack was giving us both an oddly irritated lock. “Is this a un- wizard thing?”

Rarity was still just staring at me, her meal seemingly forgotten. “You entire aura rippled. Just what would that had done if you’d broken it?”

“Taken away a bit of my magic permanently,” I said plainly. Even Applejack paled a bit at that. “Rather a big deal, yes. I try to avoid it, but it seemed appropriate.”

The half devoured fish fell from Rarity’s unresisting hooves.

Applejack seemed rather uncomfortable, but she hid it by shrugging off the bag on her back. “...So, how are yah finding Equestria so far?”

My mind just went blank from pure da fuck. “I beg your pardon?”

She just gave me a level look. “Equestria. The country yah’re in?”

I opened my mouth… and then I closed it. Staring at the tiny sapient horse. “That… might be the worst pun I’ve ever heard.”

The orange mare let out a hot snort. “And just what do yah mean by that?”

I held up my hands in surrender again. “I swear this is true, OK?” The two looked a bit uncomfortable at the ‘s’ word, but gave me a nod each. “In my realm, the only equines are literally animals, you with me so far?”

“Why do I have the feeling this will be mildly disturbing?” Rarity plucked another of my fish and began gnawing.

I looked the two pony shaped creatures as close in their eyes as I dared. Two clearly highly intelligent women, despite their shapes, and who I was almost telling their country’s name was a pun for horse riding in my world. Let it never be said that Björn Jönsson is a completely stupid man. “Hey, how about a distraction. Either of you know if cockatrices are edible?”

I’m not sure what disturbed Applejack more. My question, or Rarity’s answer coming without hesitation. “Everything except the eyes.” Then she started drooling again. “...Please? I haven’t had cockatrice since I was a little filly.”

I tried to ignore the sounds; a mare lightly dry heaving, and the other sucking up drool was just a bit too weird for my mind to process. Instead, I rose and walked away into the forest. “Back in hopefully a moment.”

Applejack squinted into the rapidly darkening forest. “Yah can really see in this?”

I paused. This was my first night in this realm. For all I knew, it might be a law built into its very fabric that you can’t see at night unless you have a light.

I shrugged. Wizard. We cheat. Of course I could make a light. I raised my right hand and started murmuring. “Ignus, ignus infusiarus.”

Slowly, to the two mares clear amazement, I had a fireball. This particular spell wasn’t suited for combat since it was simply to slow, but it did give me a handful of sunshine within my mental control. I made it simply float over my palm, far away that I felt the heat but it wouldn't burn me.

Yes, I was showing off. I’d like to see anybody in my position not at least do so a little. I turned and looked over my shoulder with a cheeky smile. “Better, Ladies?”

Rarity dropped the fish again. As annoying as it was to see that food wasted, I took it as a good sign and stalked off chuckling.

It didn't take me terribly long to find the carcass, even with the rapidly darkening gloom. Luckily, nothing seemed to have touched it. I was soon on my way again, stopping only near the hollow to retrieve my sword.

Applejack gave the sword cane a really long, weird look as I approached. “And that is…?”

I rattled the thing a bit. “Sword cane. A bit weird and much I know, but it’s the closest thing I've got to a knife at the moment.” I held up the chicken snake hybrid and gave it a shake as well for good measure. “Unless unicorns have a thing for raw meat and that would actually leave some fish for me?”

Rarity shoots a sheepish grin my way, but she didn't take her eyes off my kill. Applejack seemed mostly disgusted with the whole idea.

It was then I realized something, staring at the mostly snake shaped thing. “I don’t actually have a clue how to clean this.”

Wordlessly, Rarity just extended a hoof. I let my ball of sunshine wink out and just held out both things in my hands.

The same type of aura that Twi character had caught me but light blue in formed around both the cockatrice and the blade. This strange frown creased Rarity’s eyebrows when she took the blade, but it just floated over to her.

She seemed intrigued if confused when she draw the blade, only to reveal runes. “And these do?”

“It’s another one of my foci,” I pointed at my staff, still standing its lonely vigil against the night. “Like ‘that bit of driftwood’ over there.”

Applejack let out a fake cough. “Foci?”

“You saw my little ball of sunshine?” I asked to the responses of nod, even if they seemed to find the name amusing. “That’s a rather simple spell. I can do something like it without a focus, but it’s a bit more draining.” I pointed a thumb over my shoulder towards my staff. “That’s my staff. It’s general purpose but a bi-” A soft glare from the two mares made me cut the swear off with a fake cough. “...Rather bothersome to carve and make.” I nodded to the blade. “That’s one a bit simpler, even if it requires metalworking tools. I don’t get much use for it since earth magic is a bit cumbersome and destructive for my tastes, but better to have and not need, right?”

Both mares just burst out laughing.

I folded my arms and gave a light glare at them. “Was it something I said…?”

Applejack even wiped a tear from her eye. “Earth magic? Destructive? Pull one of the other ones, pardner. It’s got bells on it.”

I extended my hand. “If you promise not to panic, I would not mind a demonstration.”

Rarity hesitated and looked towards Applejack, but when she only rolled her eyes I got handed the blade without any further hesitation. It seemed Rarity trusted Applejack's expertise in earth magic. Interesting.

I grabbed the blade with both hands, leaving its sheath on the ground. “I’ll only cast this once, OK? It’s rather draining, flashy and technically meant for combat, but it’s the best demonstration I can do out here in the sticks. Got it?”

Both mares hesitated slightly, before nodding at me. I took that as the best I’d get and turned away from them as I squared my shoulders. I raised the blade and drew power to it, getting momentarily distracted as I realized something. The runes had lit with an inner light, not flames. I had no idea what it meant, but it seemed another point towards the local magic being different.

I used the magic to reach down into the earth, feeling it. Just so I wouldn't collapse a cavern or something. To my luck, no such thing. The hollow was the only thing like that for as far as I could sense.

Satisfied, I lowered the tip of the blade to a spot near the brook. With a strangely heavy sweeping motion and a shout of “Flammamurus!” I aimed the tip to the other end of the brook.

I fell panting to my knees as the spell finished. Damn, the books hadn't lied that earth doesn't like being moved.

I smiled, as the first spot I’d pointed at lit from within. Of course, once it has been made to move, it likes to continue doing so.

With a rather satisfying swoosh the freshly made magma broke through, propelled fast enough that it was a thin glowing line over the brook. It was a rather pretty sight in the gloom, actually. A few droplets here and there feel sizzling into the brook, but most of it reached the other end and started solidifying into an arc.

I gently replaced the blade into its sheath before rising and turning with my arms spread wide. “Ta-da!”

My smile and good mode just died as I saw the look on Applejack's face, though. Just utterly shocked. Like I’d drop kicked a baby in front of her.

Not really knowing what else to do, I offered the blade handle first to her. “...Perhaps you’d like to show me what the local variant is about?”

She just batted it away with a furious scowl. I kinda realized I might have underestimated pony strength when it landed fifteen meters away and got driven down to the hilt. “Is that what yah call earth magic were yah come from!?” She jabbed a hoof towards the still going magma arc. “Stop that darn thing now!”

I held my hands up in surrender. “Ma’am, I have stopped. That’s why ea- my style of earth magic is so draining. You need a lot of energy to get it going, but once you have momentum keeps it going for a decent while.” I took a few extra steps away from the scowling mare. “Nothing I can do at the moment short of pouring a lot of water on it.”

Applejack glared at the glowing and sizzling arc that was, to the luck of my ribs, already solidifying. She obviously didn't like it, but she gave a stiff nod. “Fine. That’s it? Setting the ground on fire?”

I let out an awkward cough. I’d expected for them to spook, not try to glare me to death like this. “Don’t know that much about earth magic, but stuff like gravity and magnetism as well.”

“And…?” she almost growled out, clearly expecting an answer.

I held my hands up in surrender again. “I did say it isn't my strong suit. I’m more of thaumaturgist and evoker.” I raked the new library inside my head. I didn't think admitting to being decent at necromancy would win me any favors, but… “I’m a decent alchemist as well, if I do say so myself, but that’s about it. Just haven’t had the time to expand my studies.”

Applejack snorted and switched her glare in Rarity’s direction. “Rare, throw an apple this way.”

Rarity didn't even look up from what once upon a glorious day had been my dinner. She just undid the knot on the bag with her magic and floated over a rather tasty looking specimen of Malus domestica Applejack's way.

In fact, the fruit looked so scrumptious that I got reminded just how ravenous I was. I took the opportunity while the rather industrious white carnivore that had ravaged my stores was busy cleaning the cockatrice by the brook to snag at least a fish. I sank down on the ground and held it up towards Applejack. “I hope you don’t mind?”

Applejack’s ear flicked once, but she just sighed. “Nah, can’t say ah care for it mahself, but mighty kind of yah to let her get away with that.” She gave a nod towards the drooling carnivorous equine who was just trotting back towards the fire with a huge grin and levitating a pile of rather finely cut meat, my cleaned blade and most of the freaking cockatrice skeleton.

Rarity also seemed to have missed she had blood up to her elbows. Applejack let out a sigh and rolled her eyes. “Unicorns. All prim an’ proper… until yah dangle half a’ chicken in front of ‘em.” Applejack fished up a stick from the ground and stuck it into her mane. She waved her hooves around while rolling her eyes around in a clear ‘madmare’ routine. “Mine! Mah blood! Mah flesh!” She pulled the stick out with a snicker and threw it at the fire. “It’s rather funny… as long as yah don’t have to see ‘em actually eat.”

Considering Rarity had thrown the bones onto the embers, skewered every darn cut of meat at once using her telekinesis… and was absently licking the blood off her hoof without seemingly noticing I decided that this seemed to be one of those stereotypes that had some truth to it.

Applejack clearly tried to ignore looking too hard at ground level, but she seemed to find her friend’s clear enjoyment of this the important bit. “Ah know it might be a bit hard to believe seeing her like this… but she’s usually the image of respectability.” Rarity pulled one of the smaller bones from the fire and sucked the marrow with a look of bliss on her face. Then with a series of crunches that sent shivers down both my and Applejack's spines she eat the bone as well. Applejack made a face before speaking again. “She only gets this bad because she’s got this idea on being a ‘Lady’ all the darn time. Ah honestly don’t know how long it’s been for her.”

I couldn't quite take my eyes off the sight. A unicorn mare having a barbecue? It just had this morbidly fascinating ‘train-wreck at Disneyland’ quality to it.

I pointed at the apple. “You've done anything to that? I've noticed the local schools of magic seem to shirk using incantations.”

Applejack gave a shake. I leaned forward and grabbed the apple, giving it a buff on my duster before biting in. Never been a fruit connoisseur, but it was a really nice apple. “A bit strange with so many things I recognize in this place.” I took another bite to the mare’s barely hidden delight. I jerked a thumb Rarity’s way without looking there. Judging from the sound of snapping bones my sanity would thank me later. “Would you believe me if I told you unicorns and pegasi are mythological creatures in my world? Considering my own unintentional walkabout… well, makes you think, right?”

Applejack seemed a bit fascinated by that. Rarity even stopped her feast to shoot a question my way. “So…?”

I couldn't quite hold back a laugh. “I don’t think you’d believe me.”

I heard another crunch before she spoke again. “Sir Dresden, I’d believe you if you told me your moon is made from cheese after being supplied this feast.”

I just couldn't resist. “Well, for starters unicorns are supposed to be able to sense virgins…”

Applejack’s jaw fell. I heard Rarity spit something out and splutter.

“...and they are such creatures of purity and magic that they near embody both concepts…”

I could actually feel the wave of pride from Rarity’s direction. Applejack just snorted.

“...and thus that extra purity of being near a virgin makes them, for lack of a better word, drunk.”

For a moment, the place was still. Then Rarity let out a loud snort, while Applejack fell laughing to the ground.

I smirked as I finished off my apple. I doubt the bits about the horn and similar would garner such a positive reaction, but seeing somebody literally rolling on the ground laughing was always a treat. Even Rarity seemed to find it at least a bit humorous.

“Oh, mah sides,” Applejack said as she fought herself upright and for breath. She looked once towards Rarity, and then she started tumbling about again.

“What off earth ponies…?” Rarity asked in such a sweet voice it just screamed ‘vengeance shall be mine!’

I wrecked my brain while Applejack stopped and gave me a bemused look. “...Can’t say I know any species that seem to match that come to mind, but there’s quite the smattering of ‘legendary steeds...’”

I couldn't quite resist a few theatrics. With a low murmur of “Lumen, camerus, factum!” a mostly see through illusion of a eight legged stallion came thundering out of the shadows, to the two mares clear delight. I’d made the grey stallion massive; his one eyed rider waved his spear once at us before both ‘disappeared’ into the woods again. “Like the steed of the King of the Aesir, Odin. “

Both mares let out a small shriek as the image appeared again, thundering over our head so close they could have reached out and touch the rider and his horse. “The eight legged Sleipner was the King of horses in turn…” This time, I made the image disappear into the sky. “...and not even the sky could hold against the thundering of his hooves.”

“So, Ladies…” I gave both ‘spellbound’ mares my biggest smile even as I started weaving the energy for the next one. “Audience participation time. Something grim or beautiful next on this fine evening?” I simply couldn't resist and tipped an imaginary hat towards Rarity who actually cooed at the gesture. I did the same towards Applejack who just snorted, even if it was a happy sounding snort. “I doubt I will outdo your radiance, but I may as well try!”

Rarity cleared her throat politely. I must admit, I wasn't quite certain how to feel about the slight blush I saw. “Applejack here is something of a scaredy cat. Perhaps skipping the macabre might be wise?”

Applejack snorted hotly at her friend… but her ears were twitching slightly. “Am not!”

I drummed my finger on my cheek, thinking it over while keeping the spell half formed. “How about a mild one, just to test the waters? For all I know what is considered scary in my world might be laughable in this.” I snagged a bit of charred cockatrice for emphasis using a quick burst of wind.

It honestly tasted really nice, even without seasoning. This tender meat with the consistency of chicken, but mostly the taste of snake.

I wiped my hand on the ground before letting the spell take form again. “How about this then? How unicorns look according to the myths of my world?”

That made them perk their ears. Perfect. I made the image come from the gloom again. The cloven hooves of a goat, a lion’s tail, the spiraling horn of a narwhal…. all covered in fur so white it shimmered under the freshly risen moon.

For a moment, I was tempted to make the illusion walk up to one of them… and fall down, seemingly drunk. The image made me chuckle mentally, but I fought it down. No reason to chance the rather good mood. Instead, I made the image rear near the brook, it’s near glowing fur reflected in the waters. Then the thing let out a echoing neigh, and galloped away.

“My, my…” Rarity murmured approvingly. “Aren't you the showmare?”

Applejack chuckled. “Yeah, wouldn't mind seeing the look on Trixie’s face at this competition!”

“Oh?” I let the showmare thing slide. It seemed to have been a compliment. “Friend of yours?”

Both mares hesitated, before Applejack spoke. “Eh, ah honestly don’t know what I’d call her nowadays. She’s the biggest braggart I know off, and she’s done some rather seriously bad mistakes…” The mare halted for a bit, searching for the words while looking at the stars. “...but you can’t help but feel she’s trying, yah know? One of those ponies?”

An image of the grinning Seppo flashed through my mind. “You’re fairly certain they’re on the level and mean well, but they've got more power than sense and you can’t help but feel like a swift kick to the groin might be what they need?”

Applejack bit back a snort. “Wouldn't go quite that far, but something like that.” The mare circled her temple with a hoof in a surprisingly human gesture for lunacy. “Girl got her hooves on this thing called an’ alicorn amulet and almost took over the town… while ranting about how she don’t trust wheels.”

I wasn't certain how to react to that. I decided to try learning more. “Really? Wheels?”

So my priorities weren't the best. To my defense, wheels. What the fuck?

Rarity shuddered once. “Yes, darling. Not quite only her fault, but it was a rather nasty bit of business.”

I tried to ignore a certain bit of bling that suddenly seemed a bit heavier even in my pocket. “So, just what does an alicorn amulet do? I take it they are magic related?”

Both mares blinked at that. Applejack narrowed her eyes at me.

I held up my hands. “Alicorn’s the material in a unicorn's horn, right? Just sounded like it should be a type of rather grim magic focus. Power at a price stuff, you know?”

Both mares blinked at that, then they made near mirrored faces of disgust. Wasn't even a lie. It simply was what had flickered through my mind a few hours earlier on hearing the name.

Rarity smoothed out her face and thought about it. “...I suppose that might be it?” A shiver raced through her fur that I doubted had to do with the chill of the night. “Still, I will confess I’m no scholar on the subject. I use my magic for my art, and not much else.”

I recognized a switch in subject when I saw it, but I couldn't think of a way to keep the current one without raising suspicion or making them uncomfortable. I opted to get a bit more mutant snake chicken goodness instead. “Art?” Besides, the switch interested me. “I realize it might be hard to believe with my skills, but I actually consider myself a bit of a connoisseur. Even own a bookstore back home.”

Rarity’s eyes lit up, but Applejack just made a timeout gesture. “Wait, what?” She pointed at my sword. “And just what does that do then? Deal with shoplifters?”

I carefully thought over how to answer that without sounding madder than a hatter with a meth lab in his pantry. I hid it by staring skyward. “...The details are a bit dumb, to be blunt, but I've got a good but weird magic teacher.” I gave a shrug and tore my eyes from the beautiful sky. “He basically gave me a rather thorough crash course by jabbing most of a magical encyclopedia into my mind and then booted me into this realm. I think it’s his idea of a combined joke and master test.”

Both the mares' jaws had near dropped to the ground. Wow, just how flexible are these gir- Bad thought! Bad thought!

I shrugged and grabbed another bit of meat. “Not exactly completely nice and what I’d preferred, but magic expertise is so freakishly rare in my world I’m basically treating it as the rather hefty price of admission.”

I froze for a moment as Applejack actually growled like an angry dog. “That just ain't right. What kind of master does that to his apprentice?”

Rarity gave a rather emphatic nod to that, her mouth a thin line.

I raised my ring covered hand. Rarity immediately zeroed in on it as it moved, letting out a thoughtful hum at whatever she saw. “To act as demon’s advocate, this is hardly the worst realm he could have dumped me into, and he didn't leave me helpless either, as our dinner can attest.”

“Just what do those rings do, darling?” Rarity seemed quite fascinated. “I can tell they are enchanted, but not how.”

“They drain away a bit of kinetic energy every time I move and save it away for later.” I removed the stack from my thumb and flicked it over to her. “Be a bit careful. I don’t mind showing them, but they're technically a weapon.”

Applejack who'd mostly been groaning about ‘Oh buck, not unicorns talking shop!’ and similar rolled her eyes at that. “Is everything magic a weapon to yah? It’s more than a bit creepy, Mr. Dresden.”

I raised an eyebrow towards her as Rarity kept studying the force ring. “Would you carry around your favored object d'art in a forest?” I made a knitting motion in front of me and made my voice drip with sarcasm. “Perhaps an enchanted sweater that switches color with my mood?”

Applejack snorted at me and went to get some food, but Rarity nearly dropped my ring into the fire. “...Mind if I nick that idea, darling?”

Oh God, I just invented mood rings. Father, forgive me, for I have sinned against good taste... “Just so you know, that bit of sarcasm was based on a rather idiotic trend in my world several decades ago. It came and went like a flash. Just a tip.”

Rarity scratched her chin, thinking it over as my ring floated back to me. I just jabbed it on again. “Interesting. Perhaps just one or two pieces, just to see hove ponies react to it then?”

“Oh? You're in the fashion industry?” I tried to figure out how to put it politely. “Didn't exactly see that town I landed in under the best of circumstances, but clothes seemed a bit on the rare side.”

Rarity let out a just wonderful laugh. “Clothes are something of a Rarity, in these parts, yes.” She actually winked at me. Uncertainty on how to feel about this levels rising fast, Captain! “They’re luxury products. Is this different in your world?”

Applejack came back, carrying the bag of apples. “No offence, but what town?”

I fought down a groan. “I landed smack dab in the town square of a town…” I pointed the direction I’d come from. “...about a day that away. I got jumped by a few idiots ‘defending the town’ and caused quite the scene, but I got away without major problem. Had to sadly bruise more than the egos on a few, but nothing that shouldn't heal from what I saw.”

Both mares looked both really conflicted, worried and… ashamed, at that. I couldn't stop the sigh. “Let me guess. Hometown?”

Applejack fidgeted and wouldn't quite look me in the face. “...Sorry, Mr. It’s the Everfree. The town’s gotten better, but that darn place just got this tendency to throw horrors our way every now and then.”

I groaned with my head in my hands. There went the idea of tagging along with the only two sane people I've met so far. “Fine, fine…” I raised my head and rolled my shoulders. “Still, only a few idiots that didn't listen to me wanting to talk got a few kicks on the ass.” I shivered despite the fire. “Could have gone a lot worse.”

Both mares bristled. Rarity raised her head high and spoke in a voice with nails in it. “Mr. Dresden, there is no need for such derogatory words.”

I just blinked at her. Then it clicked. “Even the donkeys in this place are self-aware?!”

That made them blink in turn.

I let out a cough into my hand. “Forgive me, Ladies. I only meant it as another word for posterior. I was unaware that word had… that type of connections in this world.”

Both mares seemed more than a bit weirded out at my outburst.

“Let’s say that I’m a bit shocked by the biodiversity of sapients on this world.” I pointed a thumb at myself. “My world’s a more than just a bit lonelier in that regard.”

Ever seen two sapient ponies' minds being blown? If so, I’d argue for a doctor’s visit for most of you. If your life somehow has turned as weird as mine, however? Rather cute. Would go ‘daw!’ again.

“Surely you must be joking?” Applejack took off her hat and wiped her brow. I swear I saw something inside, but it was on her head again too quickly for me to be certain. “One intelligent species? How does such a world work?”

“Rather poorly, truth be told,” I said, in a rather somber tone. I snagged another apple before giving a shrug. “Still, we try. That’s supposedly the important bit.”

They both looked a bit uncomfortable at that. Rarity hid it by jumping the buffet again. Applejack however decided to switch subject. “...So, ah noticed you shout things for yah magic, but only sometimes. What’s up with that?”

I took a big bite out of the apple while I thought it over how to answer her. “...Something halfway between mental shorthand and mental magic insulation. It basically lets me do the complicated stuff easier and safer. Tricky bit is learning to associate certain words with certain spells like that. That’s why they’re in Latin, a dead tongue I don’t know. You don’t want to start a fire just because you thought the word, after all. It isn't particularly healthy for your sanity either.”

A small sound made me look towards Rarity. She was doing the ‘jaw to the navel’ thing again with her eyes wide. I pretended not to notice the half chewed bone that was quietly rolling away into the dark. “That’s… utterly ingenious! Who came up with it?”

I shrugged. “Not much to say I’m afraid. The concept’s prehistoric in my world. You guys really don’t have any equivalent to incantations?”

Applejack gently reached out and closed Rarity’s mouth. “Yah’ll let in flies, dear.”

I took the opportunity to satisfy my own curiosity. I pointed at the Stetson. “So, I think I caught a whiff of magic from that. What does it do?”

As answer, Applejack took her hat off, reached in… and pulled out a whole freaking lasso. I let out a low whistle. “My, that’s quite the enchantment. Must have cost a mint. What’s the capacity?”

Applejack replaced the lasso and smiled as she put the hat back on. “What? This ol’ thing? I actually won it at a fair.”

Now it was my turn to have my jaw at my navel. “Wha…? Seriously? Somepony made space itself their bi- personally chew toy, stuck it in a hat… and all at a price where you could buy it at a fair?”

Applejack thought it over, before giving a nod. “...Pretty much.”

I came to a decision. It was a bit spur of the moment, but it felt like a good one. “Say… you wouldn't care for a trade, by any chance?” I used a quick burst of wind and grabbed the cane sword as it came flying through the air. I wiggled it at the wide eyed mares. “Something we both consider normal for something we both find exotic is a fair one, right?

Applejack hesitated, rubbing at her chin but staring at the sword. “...Ah don’t rightly know. Ah’ll admit, you're rather impressive in the magic department but something about that…” She nodded once towards the obsidian arc, now almost lost in the gloom. “...just made mah skin crawl.”

I tapped the tip of the handle against my chin. “...You mentioned a friend that dabbles in the theoretical side of magic, right?” I pointed the cane towards their wagon. “You've got pen and paper in that thing? How about I throw in how to make one of these?” I tapped the cane sword for emphasis. “Should make it a fair bit safer to figure out how this type of focus reacts with you locals and if you play your cards right it might be quite the lucrative thing long term.”

Applejack had a decent poker face for negotiations… but I saw this gleam in her eye. “And you’d get… what out of that, exactly?”

“Well, a nice hat for once,” I deadpanned to a small smile from Applejack, “that and my ‘master’ as you two put it seemed to be a good guy to me. Just rather odd. For all I know I might get whisked back at midnight or whatever.” I tapped the side of my head. “Now, if that enchantment’s that common around here I might just find it at the nearest library… but I’d rather have a physical copy. Just in case.”

Rarity elbowed Applejack in the side and whispered something in her ear.

I hummed and tapped the handle against my chin again. “Those apples yours? Grown by you, I mean?”

Applejack nearly beamed with pride. “Yup.”

“Oh, so that’s why you got upset? Earth magic is considered primarily agromancy in these lands or something?”

Applejack blinked. “I beg yahr pardon? Agro what?”

Rarity answered for me. “A rather archaic way of saying plant magic.”

“More the magic of farming and growth in this context,” I clarified, “but close enough.”

Applejack just snorted at me, hard enough her hat moved slightly. “Well, why not just say that then?”

“PR,” I couldn't quite stop a sigh. “Magic is rather rare in my world, remember? What do you think people will travel from the furthest away for?” I rose to my full height and wove a quick and dirty illusion of a black cloak for myself, pointing my cane towards the heavens. “The mystical, enigmatic Sir Gorkian the Wise! Lord and master of a thousand magics! Denier of fate itself and grand-master of a hundred and eight mysteries!” I changed the illusion to a rather less flattering Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts and sandals. My normal stuff showed clean through just for the extra bit of half-assedness. “Or Billy Bob, that dude, you know? That knows a thing or two. I've heard he’s rather decently OK… ish.”

Both mares fought down snorts as I brushed off the illusion.

I sat down again with a smile. “That, and everything sound cooler when you slap mancy on the end.” I paused. “Except possibly brontomancy. Kinda losses a bit, that one.”

Applejack shot a glance in Rarity’s direction. “Lightning magic,” she in turn plainly explained.

Applejack gave a shrug before grabbing an apple. “Sounds a bit silly to mah ears. If both means the same, why go with the one less ponies will understand?”

“Actually, I know the answer to that one,” I answered, biting into a new apple of my own, “but it’s a bit depressing.”

Despite herself, Applejack perked her ears. “And that be, sugar?”

“Power, even if it’s a bit less grim than most such examples,” I drew a boat from overhead on the ground and an arrow pointing at each side. “Take sailors, for example. You call it left and right, they’ll laugh at you, but if you actually talk the talk enough for port and starboard you’ll get a craftsman’s nod of approval. It’s a small way to make yourself seem less dispensable. Your skills seem just a bit more unique.”

It seemed I’d struck another nerve culturally, because both mares fidgeted and looked quite uncomfortable.

“Of course,” I added, “this is just on the theoretical level. Most just do it because everybody else is doing it. Tradition and all that.” I decided to switch the subject back on track and wiggled the cane at them again. “But I believe we were talking about a trade.”

Applejack fidgeted, almost staring with her eyes wandering back and forth between her hat and my blade. “...Ah just don’t know. This hat and ah’ve been on a few adventures together.”

I shrugged. “Your call.” I tapped the blade again. “To me, this is a sword and half a day or so with the right tools and reagents. I've gotten a feeling it is a bit rarer a chance from your perspective… just like your hat is to me.” I took a shot. It was hardly a common negotiation tactic, but Applejack seemed to care quite deeply for honesty. “To be frank, a pocket like that? That’s the stuff of fiction where I’m from. If you're being modest because you think I’m getting a bum deal… frankly, from my point of view it really isn't.”

Rarity leaned in and whispered something. Applejack just barked out a laugh. “Rares, if ah let yah make mah next hat it’ll be frillier then than that line o’ saddles yah think we've forgotten!”

Applejack and I chuckled at that, even if I mostly did it from the adorable blush Rarity got.

Applejack lifted down her hat, looked at it… and then with a sigh she threw me the thing. I actually caught it without cheating. “Fine, yah’ve got yahrself a deal, pardner…” She nodded towards m- her blade. “...but if that turns out to be a fake ah’m hounding yah down and bucking yah in the fruit and veg.”

I couldn't quite stop a laugh and a fidget at that. A horse that aims did sound a bit nasty. I reached over with the blade, only to withdraw it slightly just as her hoof was about to grab it. She gave me an irritated look, but let me say my piece. “Do remember, I swear on my power that I’m doing this deal in good faith, but this is technically an artifact from another realm.” I stopped to let the shiver from the vow coming and going pass. “I’d hate to hear somebody as nice as you’ve grown tentacles and started rampaging across the countryside, or whatever. Make sure that friend of yours checks this out thoroughly before using it.” I throw the blade into her lap while she was making a disgusted face; she caught it with a clatter even if it was close. “Oh, and if I hear anything about ‘Applejack the dread dirt mage’ I’m kicking your butt on principal, got it?”

Applejack reared herself to her full height, about to my chest, with the sword pointed to the heavens. “Muhahaha! Hear mah evil laugh of evil evil! For tonight… ah til mah soil!” She snored and sat down again as Rarity and I tried not to die from laughter. “Seriously though, I’d look dreadful in a black cloak an’ top-hat!”

“Glad you're already enjoying it!” I donned my new headgear with a smile. It smelled a bit horsey, but not badly so. It seemed Applejack took a bit of pride in her mane, because I could just barely smell an apple scented shampoo. “So, how about that paper?”

I spent the next hour or so drawing and writing, making as thorough a How To as I could. Rarity spent the time gnawing herself through most of what was left of the cockatrice, while Applejack examined her new purchase by the fire.

That’s when a smoke could filled with green flames came darting towards us. I do try to fight smarter, not harder, so I snapped my right hand up and formed a small shield around the thing.

Both Rarity and Applejack flinched slightly. “Jezz…” Applejack said, staring at my hand,” aren't yah a swift one?”

I jerked my head towards what little was left of the cockatrice, but I didn't take my eyes of the smoke who was currently pecking against the shield like a fly caught in a glass. “I try. What is that thing?”

“Just a message,” Rarity was about to say something more, but the she blinked. “Oh, right. No dragons, then?”

I just turned and stared at her. “That’s what passes for a dragon in this world?” I turned and gave the flame filled smoke creature another look. It did seem to move with purpose and I could even feel the magic in it. It seemed a harmless if rather pretty thing. “Seems to fit the legends I've heard of djinn more. Are they a type of spirit, or something?”

Applejack sucked in a breath. One of those ‘Oh God, that tourist just actually asked me if all Swedes live in igloos’ kind of fought down laughs, if I was any judge. “Nah, it’s dragon magic. It’s rather rare, but some of ‘em can send messages like that.”

I gave the smoky flame another look. Magical instant messaging. Who’d have thunk it? Sufficiently advanced magic, I guess. “So, I should just let it go?”

“Please,” Rarity said without taking her eyes of it, “that was some quick thinking, but it’s completely harmless. I swear.”

I didn't quite feel certain about it, but I decided to heed the locals. The thing darted straight for Rarity, but the whole smoky mass just kinda collapsed into a scroll about half a meter in front of her. It even hovered in the air before she grabbed it with her magic.

I leaned over to Applejack while Rarity read. “So, do you have to be a dragon for that spell? That was kinda nifty.”

The mare just shrugged at my words. “Don’t rightly know, sugar. Never thought about asking.”

I gave a grunt. Not the answer I’d been hoping for, but I understood.

Besides, judging from how Rarity gasped there was more important things at hand. “We need to get to Ponyville!”

I sat up straight. “What happened? You two need any help?”

Applejack snatched the scroll from Rarity so fast it ripped slightly. “...No,” she mumbled after reading it, she turned to Rarity and spoke normally. “What kind of monster could have put Twilight in the hospital?!”

Something cold slithered down my spine. Ugh, a monster mauling? Nasty business. I hope I didn't have anything to do with that. Having guards been distracted to the point citizens had gotten hurt or something would just make this day a bit worse. “You two want an escort? I doubt I’d be that welcome, but I’d hate to see either of you run into something in this gloom.”

Applejack was already fixing her wagon for travel. Considering how tired I’d been getting even with the talking as a rather pleasant distraction I could imagine how weary the two mares might be.

Rarity hesitated. “...What was your original plan?”

“Overheard that Canterlot’s the capital and that it’s that town on that mountain,” I gave a nod in that direction, “thought I’d go see if it’s a bit more cosmopolitan. No offence.”

“Not that bad an idea, sugar,” Applejack said as she put the finishing touches on her wagon and struggled into it. “Might be wise to keep to it. Celestia an’ Luna can’t be everywhere and the town’s a bit snobby, but they run it rather tight. You behave as well as yah’ve with us an’ yah should have no problems in ‘at town.”

“Wait,” I said, rummaging in my pockets for the ball of string, “let me at least make you a light. I kinda noticed you two don’t seem to have that great night vision.”

Both mares grumbled a little, but didn't make any outright protests.

I found a decently round pebble and almost tied it into a cradle. This was technically me improvising, but it was simple enough that it should work. I just grabbed a bunch of magic and focused it on the small rock. With a murmur of “Fiat lux.” just as I actually tightened the knot the rock started glowing with a, if I do say so myself, brilliant light. I bit off about half a meter of string and throw it to Rarity. “Not sure how long it will last, but better than nothing. No promises, but just jabbing more energy into it should work for a while.”

Rarity nodded thankfully and tied the small improvised light around her own neck. I tried not to think off a bell on a cat, but I kinda failed.

I hesitated, but… “Rarity, I take it your friend’s a unicorn?”

Rarity let out a small laugh echoed by Applejack. “My, you really are new. Used to be.”

I raised an eyebrow at that in curiosity, but now was not the time. I nodded towards the fire. “You can take what’s left of the meat if you want. Give it to the brave girl with my compliments. Anybody willing to give better then they got and bleed for their town is alright in my book.”

Rarity shot me a thankful smile, before darting over to the wagon to grab something to put the meat in.

I stalked over to try and finish my chicken scribbles before they needed to leave. Luckily, I’d been almost done. I even had time to skim the notes for anything majorly wrong before walking over to Applejack. The mare was stomping to get going, but I handed her the small notebook. “Here. A bit rushed, but everything major’s there. With the sword for comparison your friend shouldn't have any trouble once she’s well again.”

I let out a small yelp as she just grabbed me by the duster and pulled me down to her level. Dear Lord, was that really only one horse power? Then my mind went a bit blank when I received a soft peck on the cheek. It was rather like being kissed by somebody with a beard, but with this feminine softness to it. She chuckled on seeing me blush and dunked me in the back hard enough I lost my breath and nearly fell over. “Yah take care of yahrself, Harry. Yah might be a weird biped from another dimension but yarh my type of weird biped from another dimension with hospitality like that. If Canterlot doesn't quite work out for yah and that so called ‘master’ of yahrs turns out to be as full of horse apples as he sounds like to mah, then yah come looking for Sweet Apple Acres.” She gave me another dunk, making me rather glad for the reinforcements on my duster. Damn, I’d hate to face an earth pony in hand to hoof. If this was a friendly pat on the back I doubted it be something I’d care for. “Still don’t know about that earth magic of yahrs, but somepony with a strong back that doesn't mind getting their hooves dirty and who considers cockatrices ‘pest’ is somepony I an’ the rest o’ the clan have work for.”

I got up and cracked my back, and then I tipped my new hat at her with a chuckle. “Thank you kindly, Ma’am. Might just do that if this stay turns out to be a bit more long term then I’m currently planning.”

Applejack jabbed a hoof into my stomach, hard enough that I felt it. “And don’t yah dare just disappear into the ether!” She punctuated the next sentence with another jab. “Yah come say goodbye if yah can. I’m sure Twilight would love to chat yahr ears off, as well.”

Had to admit, if the girl could make sense of a magical artifact from another world? That sounded like a mare worth meeting. “I’ll try. A pleasure both to have met and done business with you, Miss Applejack.” I took my hat off and reached in. It was the oddest sensation. My eyes told me I shouldn't be able to, but it was just like reaching into a trunk or something. My hand came up holding the lasso just fine, however. “You almost forgot this, however.”

Applejack swore something softly under her breath before gently taking the thing from me. She throw the lasso over to the wagon rather urgently, but I got a big smile for it. “Mighty kind. Can’t believe I almost forgot that.”

I got up and put the hat back on. It was a silly little way to reinforce my own identity… but the ‘real’ Harry never wears hats despite one always being on the cover. Just a misunderstanding that grew into a running joke. Still, the weight on my head made me feel better. Made me feel just a bit more like me.

Rarity had busied herself with a quick jump into the brook to look a bit more presentable and was just tucking away a small paper package containing the meat. She didn't look up, but I still saw her smiling when she addressed me. “I’m sure Twilight will appreciate it, darling.” A shudder swept the mare, shaking quite a bit of water out of her fur. “I don’t want to know what might have mangled her, but it sounded as if she’s stable, at least. Small favors.”

I looked around. It was rather dark, but at least the drizzle had stopped. “You two hurry slowly, OK? A broken leg from going too fast won’t make your friend feel any better.”

Rarity let out a sigh. “And I was just about to ask what exactly you've done to that duster to make it near glow with magic like that….”

“Magic,” I deadpanned to a groan from both mares. I couldn't quite stop a smile, even if I had wanted to. I raised my hand instead and waved them off. “Well, it would be a rather poor sign of thing if we exhausted all conversation on our first meeting, would it not? You two Ladies take care. It was a true pleasure.”

I got a pair of smiles for that. Both Rarity and Applejack waved once, then they just galloped off into the gloom to go help their friend. I watched the white dot race away until the trees and hills obscured it.

I got up and cracked my back. Man, was it nice to have met some friendly locals. I never would have even suspected they came from that very same crazy town if it hadn't come up. A pity I might end up meeting the PPP and that Twi twit if I ever tried taking them up on their offers, but it felt nice knowing that town wasn't a complete insane asylum. Their friend Twilight sounded quite intriguing as well. Both Rarity and Applejack had just seemed certain she’d be able to figure that focus out. Good for her, but I hoped it wasn't misplaced.

I let out a huge yawn. Now was clearly time for bed, however. That conversation had been just fascinating, almost as much as seeing Rarity eat… but man, was it late.

I pulled a few more logs on the fire and chucked my staff into the hollow before doing my best at bedding myself down. I hadn't found anything to bed with and I didn't dare use my duster, but the sand was decently soft enough. I pulled the hat down over my face, trying to ignore the slightly horsey smell. It wasn't bad, per se, but it was rather persistent.

I’m fairly certain I was out like a light more or less as soon as I folded my hands on my chest. I did it with a smile, though.

What can I say? Always nice to meet new friends. Hopefully it won't take that long before I get to meet them again.

Chapter 4 - It's Only a Model

View Online

It had taken me three days of sleeping under the stars, bathing in brooks and rivers, and I don’t even want to remember how much of the local wildlife thumped over the head with my staff…

But finally, I stood in the shadow of Canterlot. The name might have been silly, but the place most certainly was not.

I tried to crack an ‘only a model’ joke, but frankly? The place was gorgeous and it kinda died on my tongue. These layered districts just jutting out from the side of the mountain. Almost every building white marble with golden trimmings, and more than a few in a style that all but screamed ‘wizard’s tower.’ The place was clearly the result of generations of architects for whom carry loads and material strength was but guidelines, and all the more fantastical for it.

Oh, and the whole thing was such a giant damn ley line nexus that the air seemed to near boil with magic.

A lay line is basically a place of power. A place where the earth is especially rich and thus magic is drawn there; A place where a cold wind or gentle thermal always blows. An oasis in a desert that serves as the sole source of water for miles, and thus is a place of great power for any aquamancer… Stuff like that. It isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. There exists places of great Madness and Darkness as well, but this place hardly seemed to be one of those.

I squinted, trying to focus my new senses a bit more… even if I didn’t want to do that too far. Still, it seemed I had to redact my earlier statement about darkness. There was two huge lay lines, one dark, one light, and both seemingly focused smack dab on what seemed like a royal castle. The interesting thing though, was that neither seemed to be a corrupting force… even if I’d hesitate to call either forces of purity either.

I tapped my staff against my chin as I thought it over. That was quite the pond for one tiny newbie wizard. That type of giant ley line nexus is the type of place you tend to find holy sites at. Mecca, Chichén Itzá, Graceland… All were, according to what I’d heard, places of great magical power. Seeing that this land’s capitol was one? It made me think; did I really want to dive head first into this particular place? I could just imagine the size of the local big ‘fish’ if somepony like that Twi girl was nothing more than a small-town big-shot by Equestrian standards.

I had no idea what level that Twi girl was actually at, but given that a blast set to freaking stun from her had driven me half a meter back I doubted it was an answer I'd like either-way. My personal guess —taunting aside— was about journeyman, but she might have been a proper archmage for all I know and I'd simply gotten a lucky shot in.

I simply had to too little info to work with, but even then I was getting rather arrogant about my victory, which was a fatal mistake in the long run.

Despite the summer heat I barely suppressed a shiver. Hell's bells, to quote the man whose face I was currently borrowing, that girl might be an overzealous and gifted, but still barely a trained apprentice by local standards for all I actually know. I hadn't exactly had a chance to chat with many more locals than Rarity and Applejack, but given how the town had reacted to her appearance and that I hadn't even spotted one more winged unicorn in the crowds, I had this suspicion they might be seen as somewhat rare and potent.

And if that suspicion about her skill level was correct, then I had to admit that the thought of meeting the horn of a proper unicorn archmage with my staff sounded... unpleasant, to put it mildly.

My eyes settled on what was clearly an observatory. On the other hand, this was clearly a place of knowledge, culture and learning as well as great magic. Surely the still standing equivalent of my world’s Atlantis was worth a bit of caution?

I scratched at the scraggly beard my stubble had turned into. Besides, libraries and a proper bed? Oh God, yes. It might not have been the greatest bit of motivation, but my back was starting to feel like a slinky somebody had sat on.

I was just about to head for what looked like a gate when my pendulum, currently tied to my staff, started glowing slightly and started pulling to my left. Technically, my pockets were already bulging with what I honestly wasn’t even certain was that valuable in this realm…

But who hasn't dreamed of having their pockets full of gems?

I’d found this tiny sliver of a ruby while bathing about a day ago and tried a tracking spell on it on a lark. Given how the pendulum nearly exploded on that first try and then swung around so fast that it nearly brained me I didn’t have much hope I’d been as lucky as I’d thought at first… but perhaps I’d find a local that likes shinies. Strangest damn thing was that gems in this place apparently comes pre-cut of all things. I had pockets of the darn things, but not a single one with as much as dirt caked on. Multiversal weirdness, huh?

I only needed to walk about twenty meters and scrape the ground to find another batch. Interestingly, I’d actually felt magic in a few I’d found. Not many, but I had this pretty little onyx the size of my thumb that seemed to darken any shadow it touched, a ruby that covered my palm and was strangely hot to the touch, and a sapphire the size of my eye that was constantly moist. I was itching to experiment with them, but I wanted to wait until I could get them appraised and check any local books on the subject.

Sadly, no such luck in this ‘clutch.’ ‘Just’ a bunch of diamonds that would have made the De Beers collectively sweat bullets back home. Since I was so close to a city I took the opportunity to top off a few pockets, but I still had to leave half of ‘em. Felt rather weird, truth be told.

My pockets clinking in a manner that would have had Scrooge McDuck drool, I headed for that gate.

On arrival I almost immediately had a bad feeling. There seemed to be two lines. One for ponies… and one for ‘freaks.’ I felt a bit better when I took a closer look and actually saw ponies in the ‘freak’ line, and a few odder creatures in the ‘normals’ line. it seemed one was a new arrivals check-in, while the other a ‘border’ crossing for citizens judging from how most of them just flashed badges at the guards. It was still a bit suspect, but not an immediate ‘Flee now!’ sign as I’d thought at first glance.

Not that most had much to hide stuff in since it seemed Rarity had been right. Clothes seemed to be something of a, heh, rarity in these parts. In fact, I wasn’t certain if I got the most stares for how exotic I was, or the amounts of clothes I was wearing. It was a bit silly, but I almost had more on me then there was accessories on the rest of the crowd.

My feet near screamed at me at the thought of more walking and standing around, but I sighed and stomped to the end of the line. I let my eyes sweep over the biodiversity at display.

I only saw a few, but there seemed to be a distant cousin to the ponies of this place. They looked, I kid you not, like tiny, cuddly zebras. For some reason utterly beyond me, they seemed to have a thing for speaking in rhyme. I’d heard of stranger cultural customs, but not many.

There was actually a dragon! The only creature in that place taller than me at about three meters, and the black and purple western style dragon looked quite fierce… except the half-moon glasses and bag of what seemed like gem cutting tools. Kinda ruined the fierceness factor, that last bit.

He, me and a lone minotaur were the only bipeds in the entire small waiting plaza. I noticed a baby gryphon rise to her lion shaped hindpaws to point at me and ask her momma what I was, but most creatures in this place seemed to be quadrupeds. I couldn’t quite help it and tipped my hat at the young… chick, I guess? Anyway, the youngster squealed and hid behind her mom, who just gave me an awkward smile and a ruffling shrug.

I let my eyes wander to the sky. There was a lot of activity in the air. Fitting for a place where a third of the populace at least has wings, I guess… but I saw a lot of flashes of golden barding. Were they expecting trouble?

I got handed a form on a clipboard by a young mare who seemed to almost throw her neck looking up at me. I gave her a thankful smile and started filling the thing out. The form itself was rather hilariously mundane, actually. Reason for visit, hometown, land of origin… stuff like that. It was a bit awkward to write while holding my staff and I almost poked a grumbling pegasus stallion in the eye, but I managed before it was my turn.

“Next!” a rather businesslike unicorn mare in golden armor shouted. She balked a bit when I blacked out the sun for her, but she just started reading. It seemed her colors were part of her uniform, because I saw many other’s with white pelt and a blue plume on their helmet. Strangely, I couldn’t tell rank at first glance, not even what should be telling me. A friend/foe enchantment on the helmet, perhaps?

The mare let out a sigh and glared up at me. “Sir, lying in this form is not only in rather bad taste, but a felony.”

I folded my arms and raised an eyebrow at that. “Ma’am, I assure you I’ve been perfectly truthful. What information is it you doubt?”

The mare levitated the clipboard and a pen to my eye height and tapped the ‘reason for visiting’ line. “Hardly the most important, but you don’t look like a unicorn to me, bub. Wanna try the truth compared to ‘magical studies’ and ‘tourism?’”

I raised a hand, palm up and fingers spread. “I take it I have permission for a small demonstration, then?”

The mare and her flunkies clearly bit back snorts, but she nodded at me.

I doubted a gust of flame would be healthy for me, and given the PPP’s reaction to my wind spell I didn’t want to use something like that either near so many pegasi… So with a whisper of my illusion spell I made a raven made mostly from shadows circle my raised hand. “Good enough, Ma’am?” I’ll admit, the oohs and ahhs from a few in the crowd felt good. I made the construct ‘land’ on my hat as finale, getting a few chuckles.

The guard fidgeted with her papers, clearly trying to save face from how close her jaw had come to dropping. Still, she looked me in the face and actually gave me a rather genuine looking smile. “Sorry about that, Sir. Non-unicorn mages are rarer than the proverbial hen’s teeth around here.” She stared at the tiny raven for a moment. “A bit grim looking, even for that bird. Any reason for it, or...?”

I made a mental note that pegasi seemed to have something against ravens. It just seemed like it might be worth keeping in mind.

“Just happen to like ravens. They’re neat birds.” With a shrug, a bit of will and a snap of my fingers I remade it into an eagle forged from light. “Better?”

The crowd let out another impressed murmur, more voices added to it this time. I even got a few tiny applause. Strange...

The guard shielded her eyes with an armored hoof, but gave a small nod. “Fair enough, Sir. You may want to take it easy with any shadow stuff around here, though. I am unsure if you’ve heard off it since you seem to be from rather far away, but The Crystal Empire had a rather nasty bit of business with their former tyrant just a few years ago. Sombra was an evil twit, but he’s given both shadow and crystal magic something of a bad rep.”

Oh, so that was why my shadow raven only got such a lukewarm reception. I dismissed the illusion by basically just stopping giving it magic. It fizzled into nothingness as I gave the guard a thankful nod and a smile. “Thank you kindly, Ma’am. I’ll keep that bit of PR in mind.”

She scanned the form again, before looking up. “Mind if I ask what a hum-an is? I don’t think I’ve seen one of your kind before.”

She said it in a conversational tone, so I just wrote it up to cultural difference. “Distant relative to minotaurs.” I held up a hand with my fingers spread. “I hope there is some resemblance, at least?”

The mare did a double take as she noticed my number of fingers. Indeed, both the dragon and the minotaur seemed to have only three and a thumb on a quick aside glance. I decided to save her some embarrassment. “Five is a perfectly normal number for my species, Ma’am. No need to look that bothered.”

She let out a small cough, but gave me a thankful nod as she started to double check things. “Say’s here that you don’t have a residence or an income right now. May I ask how you plan to finance your studies while in Canterlot?”

I rummaged in my pocket and pulled out one of the diamonds. The guards’ eyes narrowed suspiciously at it as I placed it on the table. Score! “I’m good at scrying and tracking spells. I hope gems are of at least some value in these lands? I didn’t want to commit it to paper before I was sure it was a viable method.”

The mare let out a small whistle and poked the diamond with her pen which was floating in one of those energy fields Twi had caught me in earlier, but blue instead of purple. The gem rolled away slightly, casting rainbows all over the small plaza. “My, a gem finding spell, you say? Lucky son of a nag. I tried that when I was searching for my cutie mark. Just don’t have the fine control for that type of stuff.”

My mind went slightly blank on hearing what the locals actually call those emblems of theirs, but I kept a pokerface going. “Do I need a license or something to trade in gems? Most of my travels have been by foot, so I’m sadly rather fuzzy on the local rules and regulations.”

“Nah,“ she said with a slight shake of her head, “you’ll have to barter a bit more, but most vendors will accept gems together with bits.”

“That’s the local currency?” I asked, as I pocketed the gem again.

That made the mare blink, but she gave a nod. “Yes.” She jabbed a hoof towards a small building just past the portcullis. “May I recommend a guide? You seem a decent sort, but you’ve clearly haven’t gotten the lay of the land yet. With that monster lurking around I’d recommend having somepony around that knows when it’s time to skedaddle.”

I tapped my staff against the brim of my hat, thinking. “I met two mares while on the road that had to get going really quickly because they got news a friend of theirs had been mauled. Near Ponyville, right?”

The guards visibly shivered. “Yes, Sir,” the mare made a grimace, “nasty business, and the creature hasn’t been spotted since then. We only have the vaguest darn signalement on it as well.” She slammed a hoof on the table, gritting her teeth. “Whatever it was, I scared the town bad. We’ve got reports it was everything from it being a sapient hydra that can breathe fire, to some type of spirit of dark magic made manifest. It’s utterly frustrating.” She nodded towards the lines and whispered at me. “For all I darn know, it might be something akin to a changeling and in that darn line. Doesn’t help me put my foals to bed at night, I’ll say that much to a civy.”

I grunted and couldn’t quite stop my eyes from lingering on my staff. “You guys taking volunteers to hunt it down? I know more than a bit about combat magic.”

The guard chuckled at me with a broad smile. “Not that bad, not yet at least… but thanks. Always nice to see a civy that don’t mind getting their hooves dirty.” Her eyes darted down to my shoes. “Well, you know what I meant.”

I just chucked and readjusted my hat slightly. “Glad to hear. Anything else?”

She made a show of checking once more, before stamping a few papers and handing me a visa. “Welcome to Canterlot! Enjoy your stay!”

I gave a big smile her way. “Thanks!”

With a friendly wave she returned I strolled through the gates. I hesitated at the small tourist agency, but decided to check the rates and services at least.

The door jingled as I entered. I had to bow my head slightly and my staff was just short of scraping the roof when held upright, but it appeared the architect had anticipated that not only ponies might end up in here. It was hardly spacious, but I didn’t feel like a sardine in a can either. The place actually looked frankly disturbingly mundane except for the scale. A small waiting room with racks of pamphlets, the glossy things only consent to this being another realm being that the models were of the equine persuasion.

The receptionist, an azure earth pony mare with a grey mane that stood up around here head like a small stormcloud, quickly scooped her jaw up and gave me a well rehearsed smile. “Welcome. My name is Exotic Sights. How may I help you today?”

I returned the smile and did my best attempt at a wave without putting a hole in the roof. The mare seemed to find it hilarious, but she mostly kept a professional air. “I heard from the guards at the gates that you offer guides. I wish to inquire about rates for what might be a long term assignment.”

Exotic pulled out a binder from behind her counter. “Any specific requests? I take it this is a ‘until further notice’ type deal?”

I gave a nod to the last part, trying not to knock my hat off. “Yes.” I tapped my chin with my staff, thinking. “Somebody with at least a passing knowledge of the arcane would be most helpful. The same for previous experience with working with omnivores, and I’m not certain if I’ll be staying only in Canterlot.”

Something flickered over Exotic’s face at the ‘omnivore’ bit, but she fought it down. “Any preferences in species?”

I shook my head. “No, I need them to be willing to work for gems however, if that makes any difference.”

It took Exotic a couple of minutes, but her face brightened. “Ah, this should be perfect. In fact, he’s even in the building. Do you want to meet him?”

I raised an eyebrow at that. “You get that type of business? For guides?”

“Capital of Equestria,” the mare stated plainly with a shrug, “that, and the guide business is a bit cutthroat. Many tourists just want to see as many sights during their stay as possible, and don’t care about the finer points. It tends to be first come, first to serve.”

I gave a shrug to that. Sounded logical enough. “Is there a room for this sort of thing, or…?”

To my surprise, the mare just turned her neck and shouted. “Black Heart! You’ve got somep- body here that seems interested!”

My eyebrow rose again. Black Heart? Quite the name…

“Don’t call me that! Everypony that hears that damn nickname thinks I’m the illegitimate son of freaking Sombra and Nightmare Moon, or something!” A rather irritated looking pegasus stallion with crystal blue eyes and a shortly cropped ash grey mane stuck his head out of a side door. I think I saw where he’d gotten the name from, because his coat was pitch black but with a mat finish. It was almost like looking at a moving shadow. Exotic gasped slightly at the swear, but she paled even more under Black’s glare. “Do you have any idea how much business that thrice damned nickname has cost me?!”

I let out a polite cough to save the mortified mare further embarrassment. “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Black. I’ve heard you are free and have experience in guiding mages?”

The stallion turned towards me, only to blink and do a double take. “Whoa. They grow ‘em big where you’re from, don’t they?”

I couldn’t quite stop a smile… or the sarcasm. “Nah, just wearing my lucky stilts.” I stuck out a hand towards the chuckling stallion. “Harry Dresden, a pleasure.”

I felt the strangest jolt when we touched… Mr. Black however twitched as if he’d touched a high voltage line. “Ow!” he exclaimed as he shook some life back into his hoof. “What the buck was that?!”

I leaned on my staff, suddenly quite interested in the pegasus stallion. “Sorry about that, it’s a side-effect of my type of magic. You a practitioner yourself?”

Mr. Black’s eyes grew to the size of soup-lids. “Mah aeh wha…?”

I resisted the rather strong urge to cite a certain scene in Pulp Fiction about linguistic skills. Took a bit of willpower, though. “Practitioner. Magic user. That jolt is only supposed to happen with another wizard.”

Mr. Black shifted uncomfortably from hoof to hoof, glancing towards Exotic who was far too interested in his folder for her not to be listening. He leaned in and whispered urgently at me. “Look, Mr. Dresden. It isn’t illegal or anything, but there’s a cultural bias around here. The success rate is so poor that any non-unicorn that even dabbles is seen as a hopeless dreamer at best; an utter fool so addled that they can’t put on socks right at worst. Bit quieter, OK?”

I felt a bit baffled at that. “Seriously? Wanting to not need to use your mouth to grab stuff is hubris?”

He let out a awkward laugh and rubbed the back of his head. “Wouldn’t quite go that far, but it’s the kind of stuff that makes some ponies look sideways at you. That means less customers, so…”

I nodded. Made sense. “Fair enough, Mr. Black. Pardon my ignorance on the local culture… even if I believe it demonstrates rather well why I am in need of your services.”

Mr. Black flashed me a thankful smile. “No worries. So, what would the terms be?”

I pointed my staff towards the door. “I’m on something of a rather far reaching walkabout, trying to learn as much of the local magic as possible while doing so.” I pulled out one of the decently sized diamonds from my pocket. Black got this gleam that was both promising and worrisome. “Gem a day, in exchange for your services… but at that rate I expect you to buy your own food and lodgings. Until further notice and I don’t think I’m likely to only stay in this town. Don’t mind if you need to leave, but I’d like at least a day’s warning. Deal?”

The gleam deepened a bit, but Black let out a hum that at least sounded genuine. “Not sure about that food and room bit. If you’ve got that type of gem finding skills, that salary could be gone in a flash for me depending on where you end up dragging me. There are places in this town where that pretty thing…” He gave the gem a nod. “...will barely give you a snack. Quite the snack if you follow, but still.”

I let out a hum of my own, scratching at my beard. “A fair enough point. Every other day plus food and board then… but I expect you to keep up.”

Black nodded towards the gem again. “All that grade?”

I jiggled my pockets, making both ponies go wide eyed. “Shouldn’t be a problem.”

Black sucked in a slow breath. “May I recommend not doing that type of stuff? Canterlot’s a decent town, but we’ve got all sorts, if you follow.”

I gave him a predatory grin. To his credit, be just chuckled. Good. “I can take care of myself. Personally, I think even the wildlife around here is quite cute.” I plucked a pair of dryed cocatrice claws from my pocket, making both ponies go goggle eyed again. “A bit stupid and suicidal, but cute.”

I re-pocketed the raegent while Black just shook his head. “You’ve got a pair that drags, mister. I’ll grant that.”

I gave a shrug. “When you know a bit of combat magic… well, a predator that stares at you and causes a prickling sensation aimed straight at them just isn’t that threatening.” I waved my hand towards a wall and made a whoosh sound. “Honestly, I had to start aiming beside them after a day or so not to endanger the damn species single-handedly.”

“You ran into that many cocatrices?” Black made a disgusted face. “Terrible things. You don’t sound very lucky, Mr.”

I let out a small burp into my hand for effect. “I don’t know. Made hunting rather easy.”

Exotic didn’t quite seem if she should be impressed or mortified…

Black just seemed to find it amusing, though. “Ha! I think I like you, Mr. Dresden.” He stuck out his hoof at me. “That pretty thing from earlier as a sign-up and todays gem now… and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

I shook on that. “Mind if I pay after the first stop? I found a few I want appreasaid.”

Black just chuckled again. “Not at all.”

I turned to Exotic. “What’s the damage between us?”

The mare blinked at me. “I beg your pardon?”

I pointed at Black. “I owe anything for the matching? Or…?”

Black explained. “I pay them a fee. A bit irritating, but it keeps it to those that take this business seriously.”

Exotic confirmed with a simple nod.

“...Does this place have cultural norms about tipping I should know off?”

Black tilted his head at my question. “...What, like the gryphons? Wow, you’ve really come from afar, didn’t you? Not really, by the way.”

I couldn’t help it. I just had to chuckle at that. “You have no idea.” I took out one of the tinier gems I’d found, this almost needle like ruby and flicked it at Exotic. The surprised mare caught it, but it was close. “For the lightning quick service. Enjoy.”

Exotic just stared at the gem. It probably took her a minute or so before she had the frame of mind to… tuck it behind her back? Either Way, she beamed this almost cartoony grin at me. “Thank you, Sir!”

I gave her a wave… then we headed out. It seemed Black wished to stretch his wings, because he took to the air but kept close by.

“So,” I said, “a jeweler, then?”

The dark horse, pun intended, gave me an odd look while circling me. “No problem with that da- darn nickname?”

“You can use big boy swears around me, I don’t mind.”

Black barked out a laugh. “Fine, fine… no belief about names having a bearing on what type of person you end up as where you’re from?”

I gave a shrug. “Some do, I don’t. I’d like to think we’ve got a bit more sway than that over the cruel fates.”

Black flared his wings and glided, clearly showing his wingspan. “Full name’s Black As The Heart Of The Night.” The stallion made a grimace and landed. “Some joker thought shortening that to just Black Heart was hilarious.” He let out a long suffering sigh. “And naturally, it stuck.”

“Quite the mouthful,” I said as we headed out, “you don’t mind if I continue to call you, Mr. Black?”

“Not at all, but you can drop the Mr. I’m not that formal.” We cut through a crowd. My tall stature made the mass stop for long enough that we just glided through. “And before you ask, it isn’t normal. I just have a proud mum.” He flared his wings again, without looking back. “Darkest colors in my entire line and mom thought it was kinda neat.”

I made a grimace. “Know that feeling. Mine thought Quentin was a good name to ensure a sane and healthy adult. Changed it as soon as I came of age.”

Black stumbled slightly. He turned his head without stopping and gave me a rather odd look. “You really changed your name?”

My eyebrows would be getting a workout today, it seemed. “That’s really that rare around here?”

Black nodded and turned his head forward while thinking over his answer. “There’s a rather common belief around here that your parents don’t actually imagine the names of their foals. Rather, it’s these flashes of insight that show what type of pony they’ll become one day.” He waved a wing vaguely in the air. “It’s legal, but you tend to get a lot of sideways glances if ponies learn you’ve done it. Questions like ‘so, what’s your real name?’ and crap like that.”

“Thus the sideways glances at being called Black Heart?”

Black made a grimace. “Yeah… I’ve had customers flee on hearing that damn nickname. I personally think it’s self-fulfilling prophecy malarkey, but it’s one of those subjects that can lead to all out brawls so I try to avoid it.”

I gave a hum as we continued the rest of the way in silence.

We’d made it halfway into what looked like a business district from the number of stores and similar when Black piped up in a careful voice. “No question on the blank flank thing?”

I took a look at his butt. Indeed, he lacked those things I refuse to call by that name. “Hadn’t noticed, truth be told.” I scratched at my chin, thinking. “I guess I should ask, even if I hope this isn’t personally offensive to you. Just what are those things? Family crests magically added, or something?”

I swear, the whole street just hiccupped. Everything within earshot just froze. I was honestly worried I’d hit a ‘never, ever, in a million billion years talk about this on pain of death’ topic, but when a few of the crasser ponies snorted out things like ‘darn tourist’ or even laughed I felt a bit better.

Black scraped his jaw of the ground. “Wow, you’re really fresh of the boat, aren’t you?”

I shrugged as we started walking again. “Seemed like a subject you’re not supposed to talk about. I thought I’d wait until I could find a book about it…” I pointed the butt of my staff in his direction. “...or a guide.”

“Fair enough, Mr. Dresden.”

“No need for formalities from my end, either.” I felt a pang of homesickness, but fought it down. “My homeland isn’t big on titles. Most even find them rude.”

That made Black, quite literally, perk his ears. “Can’t say I’ve heard that one before. Where’re you from?”

I decided on a half-truth. “Country named Sweden, but I doubt you’ve heard the name. Got yanked away by a trinket that turned out to have a one-way teleport on it. Still trying to find my bearings…” I gave a sharp nod towards the milling crowd of mythological creatures. “...but let us say that unicorns and pegasi are myths where I’m from, for now.”

Black let out a low whistle. “Quite the tale. Sorry to hear you’re a bit lost, but better than half a teleport or something right? ”

I paused briefly to make a face at that wonderful mental image.“...No argument, whatsoever?”

Black let out a rather dark sounding chuckle. “This is Equestria, mate. Don’t get me wrong, it mostly leads to good things… but we’ve got so much magic sloshing around that sometimes it feels as if we can’t go a week without elder freaking gods popping in and needing a bashing. Bit exaggerated for effect, but still.”

I honestly didn’t know how I felt that elder gods popping in was something this stallion felt comfortable enough to joke about, but I let out a hum for conversation’s sake.

“So, the titles thing?” Black gently got out of the way of a mare carrying a whole stack of packages. I did the same, but it was a bit interesting that the ponies seemed at least semi-capable of bipedal movement. “Sorry to harp on it, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything quite like it.”

“Short version? We used to be utter nit-pickers on titles. Your job, marital statues and similar on even something like the address on a letter.” I tried to ignore how hot I was getting from the walk and focus on the conversation instead. “But about… fifty-sixty years ago? Well, somewhere around then, the government figured just how much time, energy and money went into that rather unnecessary song and dance. They instituted something that translated means ‘The You Reform,’ it worked like a charm and the rest, was history.”

Black shot me an incredulous look. “Really? That bad?”

“We saved, no joke, many millions annually just on ink.” I scratched my chin. Damn, I really need to fix this beard. “Come to think about it, it might have even been a few billions adjusted for inflation. We were hardly a land of paupers back then, but we’ve grown quite a bit since.”

Black balked slightly at the figures. “Seriously? On ink?”

I shrugged as we came to a half outside what looked like a jewelry store. “It might not be much per pen stroke, but stuff like that adds up. Especially on a national level.”

Black let out an intrigued little hum as he landed. “Quite the tale, but anyway, this is the place.”

I looked up and read the sign on the store Black had lead me to. Clearcut’s Fine Jewelry… “And eatery?” I asked in confusion.

“No dragons or similar where you’re from?” Black nodded towards one of the display windows. Indeed, half of it seemed to fit what I’d consider the look of a jewelry store, with various accessories on display. The other a bit further up seemed more reminiscent of a bakery or similar. “Don’t know the details, but they’re partially lithovores. Something about their flames.”

I stared for a bit at a diamond easily twice the size of The Star of Africa… cut up like a onion blossom. There was even a dipping bowl with what looked like seasoned tar beside it. “Huh, how about that?”

The door, easily twice my height, let out a rather pleasant clinking from a large silver bell when we entered. The store itself was a bit on the dark side and spruced up to look vaguely cave like, but there were torches glowing green in rings on the walls. They didn’t throw much light, but they stopped the place from being completely dark. I doubted they’d serve anything I’d care to break my teeth on, but the place was rather nifty.

A dragon I actually recognized adjusted his spectacles when we entered. I got a big, toothy grin from what I assumed to be the owner. “Ah, welcome. I wondered if you’d end up in my store with how many gems I could smell from your pockets.” He extended a claw over the counter. Must admit I hesitated for just a moment when I saw the light gleam on the talons, but I shook anyway. He seemed to find this a bit amusing. “Been a while since a non-dragon took me up on that! Good for you, Mr…?”

“Dresden. Harry Dresden,” I said as I shook some life back into my hand. He’d been gentle, but I’d still gotten a taste of draconic strenght. “Pleasure, Mr Clearcut, I presume...?”

He gave a nod. “You a seller, or do you just want an appraisal or cut made?”

“Probably a bit of the first if anything catches your eye, but mostly the second,” I nodded to a door that seemed to lead into the back. “You want to sit down somewhere for this, or...?”

He waved a claw at me. “Not necessary. Just dump them out.”

I complied, even if it took awhile. Black got a bit wide eyed on seeing the pile, but Clearcut’s eyes only widened when I presented the three last, the ones with magic in them. He gently pinched the ruby between ‘thumb’ and ‘index’ talon, lifting it to his eyes. “My, a fire ruby. Been a while. They tend to grow near magma and it's rather rare to see them around here.” He swept his arm over the rest. “I’d be willing to take most of the rest of your hands, but I have a feeling you prefer your currency portable.”

“Anything interesting you can do with one of those?” I asked, leaning on my staff and quite glad for a reprieve from the weight. “I’d be willing to trade quite a bit of the normal ones if that’s the case.”

Clearcut hummed while staring at the gem and rubbing at his pointy chin. “Quite a lot, but very few things a non-dragon would find interesting.”

“No charms or similar?” I raised my right hand and made a tiny flame dance in it to Black’s amazement. “I believe you noticed the demonstration at the gates, but I know a few things about fire magic as well. A booster or ward would be quite helpful.”

Clearcut thought it over, still tapping his chin and staring at the ruby. In the gloom you really could see how it wasn’t quite normal. This soft red light reminiscent of dancing flames seemed to emanate from within it. The dragon seemed to come to a conclusion and pointed at the other two magical gems. “I don’t get many orders for either shadow onyxes or water sapphires. Most dragons find both quite unsavory, but I could call in an associate of mine and make something out of them for you if you wish…” He lifted the ruby and clicked a talon against it. “...in exchange for this beauty.”

Black leaned in and whispered. “Think it over. Things enchanted with shadow gems as a focus aren’t illegal… but they’re quite suspect.”

“Like getting frisked and a guard finding lockpicks in your pocket?”

Black nodded at my example. “Bingo. Same deal.” He pointed at the sapphire which seemed to drip gently in the gloom. The onyx was just a bit of darker black. It blended so well in that I doubted I’d find it again if I were to drop it in here. “Might be worth it just for the sapphire, though. A canteen that slowly refills or similar tends to be quite useful.”

I leaned away from my guide and addressed Clearcut. “Any suggestions if I take that deal? I know a little about water magic, but you saw the full extension of what I know about manipulating shadows at the gate.”

Black looked questioningly at me, but he remained silent. Rather wise to not interrupt a wizard and a dragon haggling, truth be told.

“My, my…” The dragon chuckled, the simple sound echoing around the cavernous store. “...aren’t you multitalented?”

I shrugged, but gave him a smile. “I try.”

I thought it over, tapping my staff against my chin. “No way I can convince you to take normal gems as payment, Mr. Clearcut? That fire ruby would be quite useful for me in a focus. The only reason I haven’t experimented with it already is that I wanted to consult a local expert first.”

Clearcut hummed and made a show of thinking it over, but his eyes never quite left the ruby. “Fire rubies are a dragon delicacy almost without compare, Mr. Dresden. With the right preparations that thing would be more valuable to me then the rest of your pile combined. I believe I will need to insist on it being part of the exchange.”

I drummed my fingers on my staff, thinking. “How about a compromise? I take it those preparations would at least in part involve cutting?”

“Correct,” Clearcut made a show of moving his claws over the ruby in a pattern I didn’t quite recognize. “I believe I see where you are going, Mr. Dresden… but the cut and preparations I’m thinking off would leave only slivers. Far too little to be of much use to even the finest enchanter. You might be able to just barely make what’s basically a reusable match, but that’s about it I’m afraid, and I’d rather keep them for seasoning in that case.”

“Actually, slivers sounds like more than enough since I only intend to experiment,” I countered. “However, do you have any such gems with an affinity for earth? I’ve got a project in mind to replace what I traded this spiffy hat for…” I tilted the thing in question at the dragon. “...and I’m thinking such a gem might be quite useful.”

Clearcut let out a hum of intrigue that sounded much more genuine than the others. “Indeed? May I ask what that would be? I’ve got a whole drawer full of the things. Most dragons hate the taste, and the ponies mostly use them as fertilizer for when they can’t just ask an earth pony friend of theirs to jab the flowerpot, or whatever.”

I raised my hand and murmured what was quickly becoming my favorite spell. An illusion of kukri covered in runes and with a gem in its pommel started floating over my outstretched hand to the clear interest of both Clearcut and Black. “I’m something of an enchanter myself.” I pointed a finger at the image while tapping the brim of my hat with my staff. “Traded my old geomancy focus for this rather spiffy hat so I’m planning a Mark two.”

Clearcut leaned in and gave off that more interested hum again. “Way beyond my meager skills, I’m afraid. I’ve dabbled, but almost only in things using fire.” He pointed a talon at the pommel gem. “That cut. Is it a must for the construction?”

I examined the round rock. “Nah, just placeholder until I’ve seen what a earth gem looks like. Haven’t even commissioned the knife yet.”

Black let out a polite cough.

I took the hint and picked out the diamond I’d shoved earlier plus three extra in about the size of my fist. I held them up to Clearcut. “Care to vouch for these before we continue? My guide seems to be slightly restless.”

Clearcut sniffed the air of all things, before just giving a nod. “A bit fresh for my tastes, but those are diamonds all right.”

I dumped the glistening rocks into Black’s eagerly awaiting hoof. He did that strange behind his back thing again. “First few days in advance as a gesture of good faith.” I told the smiling pegasus.

Clearcut seemed to be somewhere between amused and mortified. “You are aware that most guides charge a couple of bits an hour? I’ve seen houses go for less than that.”

I just shrugged… even if it was amusing how Black fidgeted. “I’m probably going to be dragging this stallion halfway around the world and back, with the implications that he might have to stand there and watch me read when we finally get there. Trust me, he’s going to earn that commission.” I tipped my hat with a cheeky smile at the now clearly amused dragon. “Besides, his council has proven more than good enough so far… Mr. Clearcut.”

The dragon chuckled at me, once more pointing at the illusionary blade. “How about this? I supply the gem, or even gems, free of charge… but you have to work with my enchanter associate while doing any work using those gems.”

I couldn't quite’ stop a smile. “And thus she may just end up learning a thing or two… or even see enough of my skills that through her you’ll know if I’m just full of hot air or not.” I clapped twice, the sound echoing in the store. “Shrewd.”

Clearcut grinned wide enough at me that I saw his gleaming teeth. “No need for such flattery. Just a businessdrake seeing an opportunity.” He nodded towards the spinning illusion I’d forgotten to dispel. “I may not be much of even a dabbler, truth be told… but that doesn’t look quite like any enchantment I’ve ever seen. Almost as exotic as its creator.”

I saw an opportunity and pointed at the fire ruby, now laying on the counter. “Well, in that case… Wouldn’t you want to see what I may do with fire, as well?”

Clearcut blinked, showing clear haws for just a moment… then he let out a laugh that made the store vibrate slightly. He gave me a clap that was loud enough that it made my ears hurt slightly. “Well played.”

I tapped my staff against my chin, thinking. “This may sound weird… but could I convince you to part with a few scales? The draconic resistance to fire is quite legendary where I’m from, and I think I have an idea that might benefit from that ruby and such raegents…”

Clearcut’s smile vanished and he narrowed his eyes at me. It wasn’t quite a glare, but he put on a neutral face while thinking it over. He stared me down for nearly five minutes before giving his offer. “One gem of my choice per scale, and I reserve the right to take the result off you if I don’t like what I see. I will not have literal parts of me used in a foul manner.”

I thought it over. I dismissed the illusion from earlier, but I mostly just leaned on my staff and thought. “That is rather vague… but on the condition I get compensated with the approximate value of the resulting piece if you find it wanting or against your morals. That way I don’t spend a day or two for naught.” I looked at my magical gems. “Oh, and a mundane gem of your choice.”

Clearcut hummed while looking at his ceiling, arms crossed. “Bugger, had hoped you wouldn’t spot that…” He extended his wings in a great, big shrug before holding out his arm. “Fair enough. How many?”

I shook on it, trying not to imagine my hand getting crushed like a can at a recycling center.. “As many as you feel comfortable with.”

Clearcut made a grimace, but he nodded. “I’m going to insist on payment in advance. They may grow back, but I can’t say prying ‘em out is any pleasant. Six enough?”

I nodded with my mouth dry. “Six more than I hoped for, truth be told. I just decided to chance asking. Six is more than enough.”

That brought the smile back. “Always nice to see a youngster with a bit of spine.”

“Do you or your associates have access to a forge? Metals?”

Clearcut gave me a nod. “I’ll contact FB and have her met you two here tomorrow at noon. That sounds good for you?”

I waved my hand towards the pile; Clearcut took the hint and started picking out his payment. “FB?” I asked. “That doesn’t quite sound like most names I’ve heard around here. Is it a nickname, or something?”

Clearcut did about the last thing I’d expected from a dragon almost twice my size. He shuddered. “Mr. Dresden… I wouldn’t ask her about her name, if I were you.” The dragon plucked out the six biggest gems, making my wallet ache and my back shout ‘Hurray!’ “It apparently stands for Fresh Bread, but she can’t stand the name.”

I tilted my head and thought it over in the light of what Black had told me about the local name traditions. “...Her parents wanted slash expected a baker, and got an enchanter instead? That’s the gist?”

Both Clearcut and Black made a face. “More or less,” the dragon said, adjusting his glasses nervously. “You didn’t hear it from me, but I’ve gotten the feel they thought it just a phase… until she actually got her cutie mark in that art instead of the eleven generations old family business.” He made a face that for a moment showed me all his gleaming teeth. Will admit, that sight made me damn glad dragons apparently where civilized in this realm. “She wasn’t quite what I’d call disowned, but nasty business all the same.”

I let out a low whistle at the number. “Quite the streak to break…” I gave a tiny shrug. “Still, good on her for ki- bucking fate in the gonads and walking the path she wanted; hopefully it didn’t cost her too dreadfully.”

“Nothing I wasn’t prepared to lose given how bitter things got towards the end, but them’s the breaks.”

I slowly turned around from the rather exotic sight of a mortified looking dragon and gave the mare with the cold voice a half-bow. “Good day, you are FB, I presume?”

The mare in question was rather tall and thin; not quite sickly looking but definitely near that ballpark. She was wearing a white-lab coat, and a pair of square glasses she strangely didn’t seem to be looking through at the moment. Her lean face was neutral, but her silver eyes were the hardest pair I’d so far seen in the face of a pony. Interestingly, her mane and tail was also silver, but with these streaks of what almost looked like tarnish. The darkest streaks where nearly a shiny black, while the lighter ones near shone like the actual metal.

Her emblem caught my eye, however. A spotless silver chalice with shadows rising from it like flames from a brazier, a likeness that was further enforced by these ember like sparks of silver magic inside the blazing darkness.

She definitely didn’t look like a mare that had much tolerance for cuddling. Or inclination to deliver such at that. Still, I got a brisk craftsman’s nod from her.

I swept my free hand backwards towards the ‘buisnessdrake’ in question. “I and Mr. Clearcut just finished up a small business arrangement, and he told me you might be interested in a similar deal. He simply warned me you do not like your full name, nothing more.”

FB gave me a long, level look before answering. “That would sound a bit less fishy if you’d actually look me in the eyes while speaking, Mr…?”

I gave off an unhappy grunt. “Sorry, Ma’am, but my magic has a few side-effects. I’d rather not go into the details right here and now, but me locking eyes with somebody is a poor idea.” I let out a hum and added mostly to myself: “Perhaps I should invest in a pair of sunglasses, come to think about it…”

Her gaze didn’t quite turn warm and fuzzy, but it at least went from ‘Cocytus during the little ice-age’ to ‘first frost before the farmer had time to bring in the crop’ levels of frosty as she gave me a reevaluating look. “Truly? I’ve never heard of that before and I must admit I’m feeling tempted to call horse apples… but on the other hoof only a fool does that with anything magic related before making damn sure they know they’re correct.”

I decided to throw what seemed to be a fellow intellectual a bone, and bowed my head a bit deeper at her. “Truth be told, I haven’t tested it, but I show most of the other signs so I haven’t wanted to risk it. I do hope no offence was taken, however.”

FB let out a tiny hum, and what might have been this ghost of actual warmth sneaked into her voice as she seemed to find my words intriguing. “Hmm? And what signs would that be?”

I gave a shrug as I righted myself. “Well, magic to be blunt.” I gave the thoughtful looking mare a tiny wave with my staff. “It’s a freakishly rare talent among my kind, if you get the hint. I was frankly lucky to even find a teacher, let alone one as gifted as the one I did.” I muttered darkly towards my own pocket where a tiny flash of red reminded me of a certain something. “Even if his idea on a master test needs a bit of freakin’ work.”

Black’s jaw nearly hit the floor. “Wait, wait… Your master gave you the trinket that zapped you here?!”

Hell, even the would be ice-queen’s façade got a momentary crack in it from my words, and I did my best to keep my cool at hearing a damn dragon growl behind me.

I let out a unhappy grunt in acknowledgment. “Believe me, I’m going to knee him in the crutch on principal when I get home. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice guy and so far this has been rather interesting...” I circled my temple with one outstretched index finger out of old habit. I honestly wasn’t certain how to feel when the gesture actually got recognized and snickered at, but eh. Past a certain point you realize you’re holding a conversation with a unicorn, a pegasus and a dragon, and you either just laugh, and laugh, and laugh… or you actually deal with it. “...but the dude kinda earned it with that stunt.”

Strangely enough, the sound of a dragon chuckling behind me didn’t quite make the hairs on the back of my neck stand down, but it was still slightly better a sound. “Good on you, Mr. Dresden. One should respect once elders, but even such has limits. The size of the claw hardly matters when it riffles through your hoard, and all that…”

I didn’t quite get it even if it sounded like a partial saying, but I gave hum of acknowledgment. There seemed to be some nuance I was missing out on, but the basic sentiment of standing up for yourself was something I could get behind.

“Anyway,” I said as I once more conjured the image of the knife, if this time with the energy patterns and bindings laid out since I was talking with an expert, “I’ve been fortunate enough to get my grubby hands on a few magically charged gems, and I’m currently looking to incorporate them into my gear.” I jabbed a thumb back towards Clearcut. “Our draconic associate behind me has volunteered to stand for the materials as long as he gets first-refusal on the finished product slash right to reproduce the designs, and you get to observe me work. Would such be of interest to you?”

FB’s eyes near lit up as she moved closer to get a better look, but it wasn’t long before she frowned. “Look, Mr…?”

“Call me Harry. No need for the Mr. thing.”

She pointed towards the magic patter flowing over and through the runes. “I’m not gonna lie, this is a really, really impressive theoretical design, but the spell-work is just far too fine, and I can’t even spot where the anchoring point should be.” I got the odd sensation of somepony else yanking control away off my spell for the first time. It felt… odd. Like somebody had reached into my head and finished my thought for me without actually removing it, or something. FB pointed at the web of energy being drawn from the stone towards the rune and edge. “You show this to the right pony and you’ll get a degree on the spot, but the spells won’t actually last long enough before background magic erodes them away…”

I got a sneaking suspicion I simply had to check. “What are you talking about? Why would I even try enchanting this outside a circle?”

I focused on FB’s incredulous stare, but I most certainly felt the other eyes present bore into me.

I turned towards Clearcut and reached out towards him with an open palm. “A piece of paper, please? Less to clean up that way.”

The dragon gave me an odd look and clearly seemed to think I was being wierd, but to his credit he reached under his counter and throw me a note-pad.

I took a moment to stare down at the A5 sized thing, and then the huge talons of its owner.

Clearcut just grinned toothily at me. “What? A dragon isn’t allowed to have a neat, tidy hand?”

I conceded the point with a shrug and stomped over to one of the smaller tables to have a decent place to draw on.

My original plan had been a small gust of wind and some of the detritus in my pockets, but on seeing the small unlit candles on all the tables I pointed towards one of those instead. “May I?”

Clearcut gave me a talon up while Black and FB looked on with a mix of seeing the town-idiot and just this hint of doubt that they might just see something impressive.

I took a few moments to walk over and grab another pair of candles, before placing the resulting waxen trio in a row on the paper.

Now, a circle is one of the most simple and yet potent tools in a wizard’s arsenal. You can do some awe inspiring and frankly terrifying things with them, but at their most basic they are a way to keep magical energies in, or out.

They’re also the closest darn thing to idiot proof something magical can be. Salt, vinegar, a dude with a trumped marching around something… Really doesn’t matter how or with what, as long as you encircle something with it and give it enough power to start working. Hell, even none-wizards can do it with just their finger and a bit of will; that’s how simple a spell it is.

I opted to use one of my bits of chalk for the task, because hey, why not? I could say I picked the hot-pink one completely at random… but I’d be lying through my teeth. The idea of making history with that color just tickled me… heh, pink.

Both Black and FB let out shocked sounding hisses as I finished the small drawing by closing the circle and feeding a tiny bit of magic into it. Immediately this field of nothing sprang up to my non-mundane senses, marked by this almost ‘thrumming’ screen of magic reaching towards the ceiling.

I re-pocketed the chalk, took three long steps away from the table so no foul-play would be suspected, and then I lifted my hand. With a snap of my fingers and the murmured words “Flickum Bicus!” the two outlying candles sprang to life, while the center one remaining unlit as the circle protecting it let out a few blue sparks that fell harmlessly to the table and floor.

With a small flourish I took the hat of my head, and gave my stunned audience with their jaws scraping the floor a bow.

The shit-eating grin so wide the top of my head nearly fell off? Oh, just a bonus…

Slowly and wide-eyed, FB stumbled towards the table. Her eyes only went wider as she lit her horn, and a small torrent of silvery sparks started raining down as she presumably tried doing something to the center candle. “How?!” she asked in a tiny voice.

I just couldn’t help it, I swear. “Magic,” I deadpanned.

Black and Clearcut carefully took a step back each, as FB’s head slowly turned towards me. I swear I felt my eyebrows smolder slightly from the glare I got, but I just held up my hands and smiled. “Sorry, but I just had to tell that joke.”

“Yeah,” Black deadpanned himself, “because it has never, ever in the history of ever been told before.”

“Hey, don’t diss the classics.”

FB plopped down onto her haunches and used both fore-hooves to facepalm. “Do you have any idea what you just did?”

I tapped my chin with my staff. “Utterly turned the local understanding of magic itself on its head?”

FB, once more showing what a caring and motherly mare she was, lowered her hooves and gave me another hard glare.

I held up my hands again. “Hey, look at it from my perspective.” I nodded towards the historical bit of papercraft. “To me, magic without use of circles is like pulling a cart without wheels. I’m frankly drawing an utter blank how the local version of enchantment even works.”

The rather frazzled looking mare stared at the bit of paper, and then me. “Tell me. Now.”

I fought down a frown, but I did cross my arms and wait while doing my best to sternly look her between the eyes as the case might have been.

She fumed slightly at it, and it looked as if I’d near asked her to break off a bit of her own horn, but she managed a half-forced “Please.”

For just a moment my eyes drifted to her emblem. Then I shrugged and made a lazy circle in the air with a finger. “Make a circle, and feed some magic into it. That’s it.” I jabbed my head towards the one I’d made earlier. “The basic version will ‘only’ stop magic and spirits, but I’ve heard of more complicated ones you can stick near anything in. Haven’t even dabbled in those, though.”

FB’s face near flickered as she thought what I’d just said over, but she finally decided on a question. “...Anything?”

I made a face at the suspicious one I was currently being given.. “And yes, anybody. Again, I haven’t even dabbled in those.” I patted my duster. “You need far more than a bit of paper and chalk for that type of bindings, anyway.”

“What do you need, then?”

I gave her a long look, but as far as I could tell from her patient waiting it was just a theoretical curiosity. I decided on the truth, even if it wasn’t what she’d asked for. “Sorry, but that’s the kind of stuff that not only can get you worse than killed if you screw-up, but you also need quite a bit of power…”

FB narrowed her eyes at me.

I just rolled my eyes at the mare. “I’m not calling you weak. I’m talking about either ritualistically fueling them, or diverting entire lay lines, and frankly given where and what the nearest source of either of those are I think the inhabitants of this city would complain if you tried that.” I narrowed my eyes at the shocked looking mare. “Not that I have much patience for would-be warlocks.”

To her credit, although she clearly wasn’t completely certain what I meant with ‘warlock’ FB clearly could guess from my tone from the slight green tint her features got. “...Then why tell me?”

I gave a shrug and jerked a shoulder towards my guide and mimicked his earlier words. “Black told me earlier and I quote ‘This is Equestria, mate. Don’t get me wrong, it mostly leads to good things… but we’ve got so much magic sloshing around that sometimes it feels as if we can’t go a week without elder freaking gods popping in and needing a bashing.’” I gave a slow shrug before once more speaking normally. “Can’t say I like the idea, but better to have that type of knowledge and not need it, and all that.”

Black looked slightly weirded out. “...Uh, dude? You’ve got a ventriloquist gig on the side, or something?”

One of those actually intrigued sounding hums came from Clearcut as well. “I must admit, that sounded uncanny.”

I thought it over. Knowledge may be power… but on the same token you do not hand live hand-grenades to fresh recruits. There was obvious just as much knowledge in this place that I had not as the same was true in reverse, but I’d gotten the distinct impression that this —monsters roaming the countryside aside— was a rather soft slash kind realm where combat magic wasn’t a big or well-known art. I couldn’t quite see anything good coming out of spreading the power of Names around since that was something of a supernatural tactical nuke, so I decided on a fib. “A few of my spells needs precise pronunciation to work. It’s just something that comes with the territory after a while.”

I decided then and there I might have underestimated Black a bit when he couldn’t quite stop his ears from perking and a slight furrowing of his brow at my words, but it seemingly passed muster with Clearcut and FB.

Luckily, I was saved by further interrogation by my stomach rumbling like a small satchel-charge had gone off in my colon, or something. “Can we please continue this tomorrow? I’m all but fresh from the gates and haven’t even had time to arrange room and board yet.”

“Oh?” FB asked with a twinkle in her eye and voice filled with dry humor. “And just which gates would that be, hmm?”

I gave off an unamused grunt. Great, another freakin’ pastel pony sharp enough I’d need to be careful around her. “Didn’t exactly look it up, Ma’am...”

“South,” Black filled in for me. I gave him a thankful grunt in response.

FB looked at me through her glasses for once, making me wonder if a certain enchantress even needed them for mundane tasks. Judging from the look I was getting she clearly at-least suspected I was a bit further lost than just geographically speaking, but on the same token she seemingly had decided I wasn’t an overt threat.

I had to admit, seeing that type of cold calculation and cunning in a face so gosh-darn cute? Sent a shiver down my spine. It was like seeing a Tribble and actually knowing what it was actually capable off, or something; it just pushed near every genre-savvy button marked ‘RUN!’ in my head.

At once.

With a big, big club.

With ‘Run, you idiot! - With Tough Love, The Audience’ inscribed in gilded letters on the two decimeter railway-spike.

I kept the sigh internal, but I swear I saw the ice-queen’s lips twitch slightly for just a moment. I opted to ignore it and swept my hand towards the all but forgotten illusion of the knife. “Anything to add to the basic shape, or can I go ahead and commission it?”

FB blinked, and then hummed as she focused on the image. “I would recommend getting an earth zircon from Clearcut right now to ensure a proper fit, but honestly? I think I’ll stand-by and simply watch this first attempt. It seems clear you were taught in a school so far removed from mine that it may as well be nearly an entirely different field, and I think I’ll learn more this way.”

I gave off an irritated grunt, but on the same token I couldn’t figure out any other defense than ‘Ugh, but I don’t want to do the same job twice!’ and I realized myself I’d done the exact bloody thing if the places had been reversed. “Fine, but may I please borrow any text you have for the Mark three, as the case may be? If nothing else I’m curious how the problems of sunrise-degradation and the binding of the spells themselves have been solved in a way that doesn’t involve a circle or a threshold…”

It was slightly odd to speak to somebody that literally perked her ears as soon as she got intrigued, I must admit. “Threshold? I’m sorry, but I don’t follow.”

I was just about to explain when a thought struck me. “...Mr. Clearcut, am I correct in that you live here as well?”

The dragon raised an eyebrow at me. “...Yes?”

“May I use your door to check something? Oh, and don’t invite me in.”

It was also rather odd to see a dragon look down on me as if I was slightly addled… but then his eyes drifted to the scrap of paper and the two still burning candles and he just shrugged.

I gave him a thankful nod and headed for the backroom. I all but felt how Clearcut was watching me very intently, but I was only interested in the door itself.

Well, the bead-curtain itself, but my point still stood. It wasn’t important how it looked; just that it was a border into his private sanctum.

I raised my hand, pushed it through the rattling glass-beads… and my jaw near fell clean off as nothing happened! I had to redo it a few times just to make sure.

“...Uh, Harry?” Black asked in that careful voice to use against mad-men on the street. “Just what are you doing?”

I took a deep breath and leaned against my staff. “Well, I just had my mind blown, for starters.”

“...By a bead-curtain?” FB asked, in more or less the same type of voice.

I walked out from behind the curtain and got myself a seat to rest my suddenly shaky legs. I had to bury my head in my hands for a bit before answering. “...Fucking hell, you guys don’t have thresholds.”

“Care to explain why… that is making you so rattled?”

I took a deep breath and tried to explain. “Here’s the cliff-notes version: Homes are sacred. Places of safety and warmth, and all that, and that is supposed to cause this energy to build up. That’s a threshold.” I had to wipe some sweat of my brow that had nothing to do with temperature. “Ever heard of stories about spirits and monsters just stopping as the poor twit being chased makes it past the front-door of their home?” I raised my hand and made a few sparks of magic dance over my fingers. “That’s because that energy just stops any magic that tries to make it past uninvited.” I shuddered as a mental image of things just barreling through walls Cool-aid Man style flashed through my mind’s eye. “At least, that’s how it’s supposed to work.”

FB’s eyes were near sparkling as she listened. “And that has to do with enchantment how exactly?”

“It’s the second best thing to a magical bunker, at least against sun-rises and similar phenomena.” I added on near autopilot. “You can also bind spells to that energy and make them last far easier. Traps, wards against vermin, torches that never go out… Stuff like that.”

I ignored the near vibrating mare, only to realize that bit about her and have a small lightbulb moment. “...Perhaps that is something either cultural strong enough to affect the local magic field where I’m from, or it could even be part of human magic.” I let out an irritated grunt as I got to my feet. “Either way, nothing I’m in any position to test easily and I just lost some of the niftier long-term tricks in my arsenal. Bugger.” I turned towards Clearcut and gave him a half-bow. “Thank you, Mr. Clearcut, for letting me test something so esoteric with so little information.”

The dragon just gave me a nod, before throwing me a brown gem just big enough for me to wrap my fingers around it. For such a tiny thing it was surprisingly heavy, and I nearly doubled over before compensating and slipping it into one of my pockets. “No worries, Mr. Dresden. Good luck with your work tomorrow.”

I tipped my hat at him, before walking over and scooping up the gems. As an afterthought, I dispelled the floating knife.

FB seemingly struggled for a moment with an urge to just clubber me over the head and drag me to her lab, but I finally got a brisk nod from the mare. “Here, nine o’clock tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

I couldn’t quite stop a smile. “Or you’ll go get one of all the extra freaks milling about Canterlot?”

To my surprise, she actually let out a laugh far warmer than I’d pegged her capable off. “You’d be surprised, Dresden, but I get the hint.”

I lowered my hat to my chest and gave her a small smile and a bow. “I’ll be there, Ma’am.”

I got a curt nod, but otherwise FB turned and walked out without another word.

It amused me slightly that Clearcut of all people actually waited until he was sure she’d left before letting out a tiny sigh of relief. “Do forgive her manners. She’s a good kid, but she’s a bit obsessive even by pony standards.”

“Hey!”

Clearcut just chuckled at Black’s small outburst. “Do look me in the eye and tell me I didn’t speak a truth.”

Black grumbled a bit, but seemingly had nothing more to add.

I pulled out a —by my standards— humongous star sapphire and showed it to my associates. “You’d care to exchange this for bits?”

I throw the thing to Clearcut when he waved his talons at me to do so. He let out a small hum again as he looked it over. “You have a real gift for gem-finding, Mr. Dresden. You ever need a quick buck and don’t mind getting your hands dirty doing a bit of digging, and you just give me the word, OK?”

I swear that for a single moment my feet tried to jump up my own torso and commit bloody revolution against their horrible slavedriver of a master, but I fought down the silly thought as I gratefully accepted the bag of filthy lucre. I wasn’t quite so crass to dump it out and count it all, but I was still curious just what the local money looked like. I had to admit, the sight of golden light playing over my hands and face was quite the distraction, but I fought it down. A few smaller copper-coins, some silver, but what really caught my eye…

I fished out a grey, square coin with a rifled border, the image of.a stylized sun on one end, and a half-moon with a few stars on the other and checked it out in the light. The dull and yet familiar shine near instantly caught my eye. “Is this aluminum?”

That recognition seemingly deeply impressed Clearcut. “My, and you can tell that at only a glance?”

I had a sneaking suspicion if this land was really mostly pre-industrial and instead magically focused, so I played it cool as I flipped the coin back into the bag. “I’ve seen it a few times before. Useful stuff...” I decided to take a stab in the dark. “...if you can afford it.”

My suspicions were all but confirmed as the dragon let out a wistful sigh. “Ain’t that a truth and a half?” He sucked in a breath and let out a greenish flame that just for a moment formed a lean unicorn mare’s face, but with strangely slitted eyes and pointy teeth. The apparition let out a single silent laugh that frankly didn’t even look sane, before fading away, but not before I saw Clearcut’s talon point at the helmet she’d been wearing. “I heard —rumor by the way, so it might be false— that Princess Luna used to have a whole armor forged from the stuff, but it got corrupted with her and unlike her it just sadly didn’t survive being purified.”

I filed the information away for later, but one word in particular had caught my ear. “Corrupted?”

Both Black and Clearcut fidgeted slightly, so I took it as a sign this was something you weren’t supposed to talk about. Black still cleared his throat and tried clarifying it for me, however. “There are a thousand and one rumors on what really happened, but… well, she apparently got taken over by some type of Nightmare spirit.” He nodded towards the spot the flame based illusion had just been. “She re-named herself Nightmare Moon, and nearly tried bringing about night eternal a few years ago.” Black kept looking over his shoulder, but he quickly added: “She’s back among the good guys now, though. Bygones be bygones, and all that.”

Night eternal… I couldn’t quite stop a shiver and myself making a face. “Nothing quite like when a mage goes off the deep end. Glad to hear it didn’t end in blood, screams and fire for the gall, though.”

I let out a small laugh at the large dragon and the world-wise guide doing a double take, and gave the duo a tiny bittersweet smile. “Sorry if that was a bit dark. I’ve just heard many stories like that, but far too few ending in redemption.” I couldn’t quite stop myself a tiny bit of dramatics and murmured my fist-full of sunshine into existence over my outstretched fingertips. “Magic and knowledge is wonderful thing…” I feed more and more power into the spell, until even my own fingers started to feel uncomfortable and the flames had turned a deep blue, with the flames near boiling against the restraint of my will as if trying to consume even that. “...but the only difference after-all between Icarus and Daedalus was how fast and high one of them tried to soar.”

For a few moments, I just stood there. Staring into the flames, all but willing for them to reveal their secrets to me. To think, that only last week my greatest concern had been balancing the books of my store… “Finge datos currus, quid agas?” I murmured, the flame wobbling and flaring slightly at the Latin being spoken.

I was tempted to look up and see just how my audience was reacting, but that would have messed up the mystical wizard shtick and we simply can’t have that. “Of course, there is a cruel paradox to it,” I instead added in a tone as if I was mostly speaking to myself, “for if one does not strive to reach the heavens themselves…”

I spread my fingers under the flame, in a gesture half-way between forming a cage for it, and an imaginary brasier. Then I started exerting my will over the flame, feeding magic into compressing and tightening the energies already in play, my fingers ever so slowly tightening around the flame like bands around a barrel. “...if one does not soar until the very wax of one’s wings starts dripping…”

The flame fought me every step of the way, trying to flare, to burn me, to go out of control, to burst into this brief but terrible conflagration... but slowly, ever so slowly, under the unrelenting tide of my will it shrunk.

Shrunk, and started changing. Blue became purple, only to fade into seemingly nothingness as only this thin outline of fire beyond even color burned above my hand.

And then I pushed on past even that, drawing on a trick I had barely dreamed to be part of the package I’d gotten.

Soulfire.

I knew not how, why, what dread price he himself paid for that knowledge, or even for what mad purpose Seppo had given me that power, but it was supposedly one of the ultimate techniques of magic, one of such potency that many gods dare not meddle with it. The power of creation itself, fueled by the very core of You, one’s soul itself turned to and towards the act of shaping reality to your will...

Naturally, my namesake mostly used it to punch things in their face analogs really hard, but eh. Still awesome.

And for just a few glorious moments, as the silvery fire flowed from my fully wreathed fingers into the flame…

A tiny star, no bigger than my eye, floated above my hand and spread a light far too bright and yet soft for such a tiny thing over the shop. I stopped my assault of will on the thing, not quite letting go since that would make it spiral out of control and burn things, but I toned it down enough that I could actually stand there for a few moments and enjoy my work.

A tiny solar flare, no larger than my thumb, erupted as I watched. An arch of flame moving with the slow certainty of a colossus, and yet no thicker than the hairs on my head. I know it may be poor form to be impressed by what once own hands have wrought… but surely this once I may be allowed to get away with it?

“...how is one to know one’s limits?”

I’m honestly not certain how long I stood there, my gaze and thoughts just lost in the flames. For an element that so greedily consumes all it can, there is a strange serenity to flames. I know I am not the first by a long shot to have that particular thought, but some things remain true no matter how often and clumsily they are said.

I lowered my hand and stopped feeding the thing power… only for the thing to stubbornly refuse to wink out. “Well, this is slightly embarrassing.” I shook the sweat that near covered my hand in a thin layer of water of, before raising it to try extinguishing the spell. “Let m-”

“NO!”

Clearcut’s below caught me by such utter surprise I near fell face-first onto my own hot-mess, but I just about managed to twist myself so I landed in a heap straight down instead of going fatally forward.

I turned to Clearcut to give him a glare…

But it kinda fell flat. Seeing a dragon with tears of freaking awe dripping down his chin? Didn’t quite expect that when I woke up this morning.

He mumbled something about ‘wait here’ before darting off behind the curtain.

I stared up at my little ball of sunshine that wasn’t so little anymore, and quietly decided I probably overdid it, just a tad. Now when I wasn’t focused on the thing I could feel how I was drenched in sweat, and my entire arm felt half-way between a PET bottle that had been left too close to a fire, and that prickly sensation you get when a fallen asleep limb starts waking up. Heck, I was even panting slightly.

All I’m saying is that the cold stone floor suddenly felt a bit suspiciously comfy.

“Damn dramatics,” I muttered darkly between pants, “the only worse wizard’s crack has to be freakin’ secrets and acting mysterious.” I vaguely wiggled my fingers at the not so great ball of fire. “Next thing I know if I aren’t careful, I’ll have a beard you can hide a cat in, my staff’s going to have a not at all phallic knot on the end, and my entire wardrobe’s going to be badly dyed bathrobes with stars stitched all over ‘em. Then before I know there’s going to be a rickety tower and it will all be downhill from there!”

Black stuck his head over mine and looked down at me, his expression somewhere between awe and utter annoyance. “So, is making stars a common parlor trick where you’re from, or did somebody just get a wee bit too excited today?”

I gave him my best grin despite how tired I felt. “Hey, what can I say, man? My teacher’s idea of fun is making artifacts and dumping ‘em into the laps of anybody foolish enough to ask for ‘em. I’m fairly certain he even has a crystal ball to watch the fireworks through.” I spun my finger around my temple again. “Dude’s utterly crazy, but he gives lessons quite unlike any other.”

A moment of horrified realization flickered across the stallion’s face. “Oh, sweet merciful Luna. You’ve basically have a less restrained version of Discord as a teacher, haven’t you?”

I had no idea who this ‘Discord’ was, but from the name I could guess. I crawled over to one of the cushion seats and flopped bonelessly onto it. “I’m going to go out on a limb and guess ‘yes.’” I pointed a slightly shaky finger towards the sphere. “Still, you can’t argue with results, even if I admit I overdid it.”

Black looked towards the tiny sun, face utterly unreadable. “...What was that silvery fire?”

I gave off a grunt. “Sorry, man, but that’s a trade secret I haven’t known you nearly long enough to share. Sorry.”

Black opened his mouth as if to protest, but then he just closed it again. “...I get it. It’s one of those techniques, isn’t it? The one’s you don’t teach until after the apprentice have done their mastership test, because otherwise most of them will just end up destroying themselves with it?”

I gave him a two-finger salute. “Got it in one.” I decided to throw the kid a bone, though, because I recognized that hungry look in his eyes.

Hell, I’d seen it in the mirror after watching or reading good fantasy often enough. “I’ll give you this though, Black.” I waited a second or two for dramatic effect while his ears perked. “It’s called Soulfire, and it’s kinda what it sounds like.”

The pegasus’s eyes nearly popped from his skull as my words sank in.

I quickly added. “Hey, it grows back. Good food, good company, some music… The Spirit isn’t quite that flimsy.” I couldn’t quite stop a grimace. “...But let us say that an empty tank in this context isn’t exactly healthy, and move on.” I did my best to shake some life back into my prickly feeling arm. “Besides, I only used a tiny bit off it this time. I’m mostly knackered from the spell itself, not the ‘raegent’ so to speak.”

Black seemed mollified by my words, but his eyes wouldn’t quite leave the tiny fireball.

About then, Clearcut came back.

Carrying a diamond the size of half my fucking abdomen. A diamond the size of half my freakin abdomen he’d seemingly hollowed out in a hurry, judging from the fresh looking claw-marks near the top where a tiny top had been carved from the rock itself.

Slowly and with a look in his eyes I could honestly only call reverently, he gingerly reached out and took the sun with the edges of two talons. They near instantly started blacken and hiss in a rather distressing way, but Clearcut didn’t as much as wince as he guided it to its utterly decadent Jack-O-Lantern substitute.

I will freely admit something, though. A tiny sun of my making, burning brightly inside a diamond big enough to serve as a Brownie’s house? It was a glorious sight.

It occurred to me however, that if dragons are creatures even in part of fire… just what had I done from Clearcut’s perspective?

“So…” He finally said in a slow and careful voice. “This is what you consider knowing a little of fire?”

I let out a tiny laugh that sounded far more energetic than I felt myself. “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, I’ve heard.” I let out a pained grunt as another tingle flashed up through my arm all the way to my elbow. “Honestly though, I got utterly carried away there by the dramatics and pulled out a few too many stops I probably shouldn’t have. My little ball of sunshine spell isn’t quite that literal most of the time.”

The dragon chuckled softly at my words. “Ah, youth… to once more be that arrogant and sure of one’s self…”

I raised a single trembling finger towards the heavens in mock outrage. “I made a freaking fun-sized star. I believe I am allowed five minutes of wizardly smugness after that.”

Black piped up. “Actually, it’s been fifteen minutes by now…”

I let my arm fall and let out a only partly faked sigh of irritation. “Curses. Foiled again.” I shook my still functioning fist towards the heavens. “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids and their mangy causality.”

I sincerely hoped Cleacut laughed at my antics and not the reference, because the thought of that also existing in this realm would have frankly blown my mind hard enough for dripping to occur. “You keep that humor, M- Dresden. I’ve seen far too many wizards over the years bring ruin unto themselves and others just because they couldn’t laugh at themselves.” He gently patted the Faberge night-light, almost as if holding a baby. “And frankly? If this is you stumbling through your master’s test, than I barely dare imagine what you’ll do a century from now.”

Had to admit, that made me think a little.

But only a little since I’d blown enough energy to near fall asleep on the spot. Given how he kept eyeing the fruits of my labor, I doubted Clearcut would mind that much, but on the same time I didn’t want to intrude on his hospitality.

I groaned as near every bone, muscle and ligament in my body protested as I got to my feet, but a little wobbliness aside I made it up OK.

Having to use my staff as a third leg as to not fall pladask back onto that comfy, comfy pillow and just sleep like the dead on it for a week or two? What lies and utter, utter slander.

That just left dealing with my tiny ball of joy before I could crawl off and die a bit. Still, given how wide-eyed a certain dragon’s stare was, I kinda doubted that would be terribly difficult. “You want it?”

Clearcut was so shocked by my simple question he nearly dropped the darn thing in question onto his toe. He slowly turned his head only to stare at me as if I’d just asked: ‘Hey, I’ve got this ugly picture of this ugly chick called Monna Lies, or something like that. You want it for over your mantle?’

“Mr. Dresden,” he finally managed in a strangely even voice, “this may rather shock you coming from a dragon, but we kinda have this thing with fire.” He carefully held forward the gaudy thing. “This is, no joke, the kind of things elders have as the centerpieces of their hoards. I’m not even nearly wo-”

I was not in the mood for scraping and bowing. “Oh, shut up and just take the pretty paperweight.” I started dusting myself off in preparation for leaving in the shocked silence that followed. “If you really can’t stand the idea of it as a gift, you can owe me something equally flashy, or something.” I vaguely waved a hand towards the thing. “If any marvelous mares, delightful dragonesses, stalwart stallions, or wishfully whatevers your preference happens to be asks where you got it, just make sure you name-drop me so I have a shot at commissions, OK?”

Seeing a dragon blush so hard he was near luminous? OK, I’ll admit, that was quite the treat. “A dragon’s hoard doesn’t have anything to do with that…” he mumbled out, rather unconvincingly I might add.

“Righ~ht,” I said, holding out an arm and mimed juggling imaginary cantaloupes, “and I’m certain no draconic dames has ever been swooned by large, firm, rocks.” I did a double take as the words I’d just said actually reached my ears. “...I do apologize; it seems I’m tired enough that my tongue is running a bit wilder than usual. Perhaps it would be best if I retired for the metaphorical evening?”

Clearcut still had a rather deep blush on, but he chuckled low, but rather merrily at my words before waving me off. “No worries Mr. Dresden, I’ve heard far lewder jokes than that.” He smiled a rather predatory looking grin and let out a thin stream of smoke from both nostrils. “And I’ve seen far worse from tired people than a bit of childishness bubbling to the surface.” I had to admit, seeing a dragon politely bowing his head at me? Never thought I’d see that. “A pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Dresden…” He made a small face and absently rubbed the scales on his arm with the other. “...even if I must admit I’m not quite looking forward to that bit.”

I gave him a big smile and tipped my hat at him. “No pressure, Mr. Clearcut. I’ll have enough on my plate as if for quite some time, and I trust you’ll honor the deal; don’t go giving yourself scars on my account.”

I did not expect him to tilt his head in confusion. “Sc-ar? What’s that?”

I felt some small but important bits of my brain go boom as Black also seemed just as puzzled. I decided on actually explaining since it did not seem the two were joking. “...It’s this type of skin blemish that happens when a wound doesn’t heal properly.” I scratched the back of my head as I thought the implications over. “Do dragons and ponies really don’t get those?”

Black and Clearcut exchanged a glance, but both seemed just as puzzled.

Now, I wasn’t exactly a philanthropic playboy millionaire with kung-fu skills before this whole thing happened, but I’d gotten a scrap or two in my day…

Before almost my entire body got a makeover, that was. Still, I’d been rather pleasantly surprised to find I had not gained that bit of Harry’s likeness.

I couldn’t quite stop a small shudder. Really, really, really glad I hadn’t gotten that bit of the package.

Let us say, that his left hand got cooked once, and that wasn’t even the worst thing that had happened to the man. The wages of sin may be death, but sometimes it sure seemed as if taking the high-road didn’t exactly offer a Christmas bonus I’d call worth the effort.

Even so, I had been hiking for days, and that gives you a few scrapes. I crawled up my left arm and showed the now thin, white line on the back of my lower-arm where I’d slipped with my sword when I was cleaning fish only an hour or so before I traded the blade away. “I recently had most of mine magically removed,” I fibbed while tapping the line with my staff, “but this is what they look like.”

I wondered if I’d stumbled into something again when both my companions just stared at the small scar, but the ‘spell’ broke as I rolled down my sleeve again. “Don’t get me wrong, they can be a bit gnarly looking, but they’re really not that big a deal.”

The two exchanged a glance again, before shrugging; all but seemingly deciding scars was a ‘human’ thing, slightly gross but ignorable.

Freakin’ scars.

Note to self, check the local variant of healing magic post haste. It or the locals are seemingly somewhat impressive, and I’d rather find out which one it is either way before I end up in a scrap again.

Oh come on, I’ve all but turned into Harry ‘I swear officer, that building was on fire when I got here!’ Dresden. Even without the rather obvious cultural difference I’d already ended up in a fight over, I just couldn’t quite imagine the rest of my stay in this place to go off without a hitch given that.

I failed to hold back a big yawn, but I just barely managed to put my hand over my mouth. “Anyway, a pleasure, Clearcut. I hope to see you tomorrow.”

I exchanged a small wave with the dragon before heading out. I took a moment to examine the bell I was certain I’d heard on my way in..

This rather nifty if seemingly fragile silencing spell fizzled out as I poked the silver bell with the edge of my staff. It fizzled out in a brief but bright burst of silvery sparks that fell silently to the floor as the bell once more rang out at the touch of my focus

Clearcut let out a sigh. “That girl and her freakin’ entrances… Still, thanks for dealing with that spell. Few things more embarrassing than having to ask a customer to do something for you.”

I winced in sympathy as my mind flashed back to this one week I’d had a sore wrist. Just big enough damage I couldn’t lift anything myself, but not long lasting enough to justify hiring a temp.

Most of the regulars had been understanding, but there’s always a few ass-hats that just cling in your memory; like mold on a bleached skull.

Clearcut chuckled merrily. “Oh? Is that the thousand yard stare of somebody that has worked retail, I see?”

I shrugged widely with a few extra wiggles of my staff for emphasis. “Hey, we all need to eat… If there exists a ‘make food’ spell, I haven’t found it yet.”

“True, true…”

WIth a final wave, me an’ Black left the store.

Had to admit, even with how tired I was feeling I had this rather big grin as I throw my staff over my shoulders. “That went rather well…”

Black gave me a flat, but not quite unfriendly look. “So, is it common where you’re from to ask for body parts in a trade…?”

I waved him off. “If you met a creature that according to what you’ve heard have… I don’t know, have claws that may rend any armor, or something, and you're planning on making a new knife, wouldn’t you ask politely for a few clippings? Besides, I’d of course taken no for an answer.”

Black raised an eyebrow at me as he started leading me away somewhere. “...Rend any armor? There’s really something like that?”

I let out a huge yawn and scratched my chin. “Well, the Nemean lion at least, off the top of my head, but I’ve never seen one… Mr. Pegasus.”

Black chuckled a little at that.

“Anyway, nasty critters from what I’ve heard,” I continued. “Looks like a lion, but with golden fur that only its own claws or similarly fantastic armaments may peirce. There’s even one tale I heard where killing one of the buggers was the first great deed of this rather legendary hero.”

The pegasus seemed a bit uncomfortable. “...Was that really necessary? Seems a bit much for what’s basically an animal.”

Given that reaction I decided to try to avoid telling the labors of Heracles around these parts. Granted, even if the tales are classic, there was no doubt they are a bit bloody and grim even by human standards. “The thing was apparently intelligent enough to kidnap maidens to lure warriors to its den so it would get a larger meal, so I’d argue it was a rather earned end.” I scratched at my beard as Black fidgeted slightly. “Still, I would have personally at least attempted to capture it alive. I mean, living armor like that? Just sounds like something that would have been worth the price of some patience and drugged meat to study.”

Black twitched again. “That’s a rather underhoofed way of fighting, Mr.”

I couldn't quite stop a chuckle at that. “I’m a wizard; we don’t do fair.”

Black tilted his head back and forth while he chewed it over. “...I really want to disagree with that, Harry... but I’ve seen one too many would-be bar-fights ending with the bouncer levitating the culprits to the ceiling and holding ‘em there until they calm down to do so with a straight face.”

I just had to give my guide an incredulous look.

“I don’t seek them out or anything!” he quickly explained before shrugging. “I just happen to like this gryphon bar, and they’re a rather passionate people. That and alcohol tends to be a bit volatile... but that’s what the bouncers are for, right?”

I couldn’t quite stop a wince at the mental image of a bar filled with drunk lion-eagle hybrids, all with talons longer than my freaking fingers. It did not sound worth a bartender that actually know how to mix a proper rainbow, or whatever…

And of course, my morbid curiosity kicked in about it. “Think you could take me there, tomorrow night, perhaps? Have to admit, a gryphon bar sounds like an experience.”

Black chuckled slightly. “Like to live slightly dangerous, do we? You’re the boss…”

We walked the streets mostly in silence after that, even if I had to admit it was something of a blur to me. Still, we stopped at a blacksmith of all things long enough for me to commission those prototypes, and at a beauty salon Black quite clearly wasn’t trying to crack jokes about...

Still, I took the look of relief on the stallion's face I almost missed as a rather solid endorsement I needed some TLC after that unintended camping trip of mine.

I did however get an odd look from him as I let out a yawn and shifted the weight of the bag as we stepped out of the store. “Have to admit?” He said. “I did not take you for a loffa kind of guy.”

“Oh, hush.”

Black barely fought down a grin. “And the rose body-scrub?”

“So I’ll need to grunt a bit extra the next time I have a beer, big whoop.” I stretched a bit, making a few ponies passing-by wince in sympathy at the rather distressing sounding if satisfying pops and cracks from my back. “Now, any place around here with beds my size?”

I swear I heard my feet whisper about ‘down with the evil wizard slave-driver!’ but I still… heh, marched on as Black lead on.

He led me to this rather charming looking bed & breakfast, but I was so out of it by then I was barely upright.

Luckily for me, Black seemed to realize how tuckered out his meal ticket was feeling at the moment, and managed to keep my part of the negotiations to a few grunts and rustling of pockets.

The receptionist, a rather cute gryphon female with mostly grey coloration parts of my brain was rather insistently trying to make ‘chick’ puns about, handed over the keys with barely a few chuckles. I gave her a two finger salute she seemed to find amusing before shuffling away to find the right rooms.

“You know? To gryphons that thing you just did is hunting shorthoof for ‘that kill is mine, let me do it.’” Black let out a soft chuckle. “Let’s say I’ve seen it used in bars as well!”

I paused half-way up the staircase mid-stride before shrugging and continuing with my zombie impression. “Keep hand waving to a minimum around the cute half-ton predators unless I want to have to kill an elephant with my bare hands to uphold my new bride’s honor or something, got it.”

Black barked out a laugh before we continued to our rooms.

And had to admit, they were quite nice ones. A rather nice wood finish on the walls, a small bathroom with a tub even, a sofa…

And a bed, that made me do a small double take.

“Sorry, gryphon beds are something of an acquired taste, but the nearest minotaur inn is half-way across town and you don’t seem to have the patience for much more walking…”

I let out a grunt as I dumped my stuff and duster unceremoniously on the sofa, stopping only for a moment to pop the winchester against the corner, leaning against the wall.

I kicked of my boots and stomped over to the ‘bed.’

The thing looked, no joke, like a something halfway between a woven bowl and a ball pit. I reached down, only to be rewarded with a tiny round pillow, about the size of my clenched fist. “And you just… dive in?” I asked, as I gave the surprisingly soft pillow a squeeze. “Not even a blanket, or something?”

A small rustle told me Black had shrugged. “Pretty much.”

I looked a bit closer at the ball-pillow. The thing even had this rose-vine pattern on its cover. “Do I even want to know how long it takes to switch out the bedding in one of these things?”

Black seemed to find that slightly amusing, judging from the small laugh. “Good eyes, Harry. Truth be told, most gryphons just use clouds and beds like these are considered a bit opulent… but Rose down there charges a decent rate for her’s and I didn’t think you’re in any shape to cast a cloudwalking spell.”

I let out a hum of sudden interest. “Cloudwalking, you say?”

“You don’t know that one?” Black said sounding clearly surprised. “It’s a bit complex, but given what you’ve been throwing around I have to admit I just assumed…”

I waved vaguely towards the door. “Remind me to check it out, later. Have to admit, that spell sounds rather neat. Oh, and please wake me before an hour or so before breakfast so I have time to actually prepare.”

My guide did a double take, but I just jabbed a thumb towards my duster. “I’ve been more or less sleeping in that thing and these clothes for a week now. I do believe a wash for them and their owner is more than overdue.”

Black made a face, but he quickly fought it down and headed out. “Well, goodnight, see you tomorrow.”

I lifted my own hand. “Pleasant dreams and all that.”

I breathed a small sigh of relief as the door clicked closed. Don’t get me wrong, the dude seemed more than alright and I was itching to see this town, but I really wanted to have a proper night’s sleep.

I had to admit as I flicked the small pillow back among the others, that the bed looked weird but comfy.

Still, without further ado, I stripped down and jumped in. I have no idea what the tiny things were stuffed with, but the oddness of having the same thing above me as bellow aside, I barely had time to burrow down before I entered la-la land and the deepest sleep I’d had for nearly a week...

Thus I was rather annoyed when I found myself standing in field of billowing mist under a starry sky, the whole setup that all but screamed weird dream shenanigans were a’foot.

And I do not know quite why, but something about the huge full moon hanging over me and shining ever so brightly just made my skin crawl. Perhaps it was me being paranoid, but I had the distinct inkling that it was not of my dream.

“För i helvete…” I murmured angrily as I lifted my hand and willed my gear into existence, my hand closing on what had been empty air but was soon replaced with a simulacrum of my staff that faded into view, as my weapons and gear flowed into existence on and around me. I cleared my throat and raised my voice. “Do us both a freaking favor and just show yourself, whoever you are. This is the first decent sleep I’ve had in a week, and I do not care for it being subverted by a two-bit hack wannabe oneiromancer.”

I did my best to pretend not to notice how the moon flared slightly at my words and instead scanned the horizon.

Now, granted, this was a dream… but given that last month I’d been certain there was no such thing as magic the concept of something being able to harm you in your dreams seemed a bit stupid to utterly dismiss.

A rather cold if beautiful sounding woman’s voice rang out, but I just kept scanning the horizon. “You are as flippant and disrespectful of your betters as I was told, I see…”

I just barely fought down the impulse to roll my eyes. “Yeah, because that introduction just screams that this conversation is going to be worth having…” I stopped and smacked my forehead. “Wait, why am I asking in my dream?”

I snapped my fingers, cutting of the mocking laugh mid ‘bwahaha’ as the dream shifted and changed to my will. I didn’t know why my so far unseen assailant had a thing for mist, darkness and that moon, but only a fool lets their enemy pick the field of engagement, so I went the opposite route.

The misty fields turned to shifting dunes and the mist started all but boiling away under the glare of the sun as my memory of the trip me an’ the gang had taken out in the desert proper on our trip to Vegas faded into view.

And amidst the hills and dunes covered small bushes and the odd cacti, a stunned looking winged unicorn with midnight blue fur and one of the most overblown manes I’d ever seen.

Oh, and I think she might have been compensating for something else in real life, because she was, no joke, the size of a horse.

I rolled my shoulders slightly as I ignored the warmth away and glared down at her. “You wanted to speak with me?”

The mare —if ‘she’ really was one, with the dream arena and everything— shook her head and made the field of stars on her head dance around before she glared me down.

I didn’t even bother with any dramatics like the finger snap this time. I just sat back and had the reddish sand rise behind me into a throne.

I calmly leaned back in my seat with my staff on my lap and met the intruder’s gaze over my fingers stapled in a pyramid. “Well?” I waved my hand, and had a long table with a cushion on the other end rise from the sands, before a desert wind whirled into place on top of the table to coalesce into two cups and a teapot. I leaned forward and raised my own cup towards the scowling mare “Slightest chance we may do this the civilized way, or…?”

I got my answer when her horn lit, only for the cup in my hand to explode. I absently felt a slight stinging sensation on my cheek, and when I wiped at it with the flat of my hand it came back red.

I absently ran a thumb down the wound, willing it sealed before I dusted myself off and I got to my feet. I cracked my neck without taking my eyes of the mare, as the runes lit as I started feeding magic into my staff. “And here I was about to make crumpets and everything....”

Chapter 5 - Had I the Heavens’ Embroidered Cloths...

View Online

It only clicked once I actually spotted the black crown almost lost against her swirling mane. It was a bit hard with the different eyes and colors, but I could just barely recognize a face I’d been shown earlier today. I wasn't quite certain it was a good idea, but I let the ‘magic’ I’d pulled in go, since at least trying to talk things over seemed wisest when face to face with royalty. “So… Is there a reason the secunda of these lands is taking time out of her schedule to bully a wizard, or is today just some weird minor holiday I am unaware of…?”

If she’d been pissed before, my remark on her rank must have hit her straight in the minority complex given how her mane flared and the wind I hadn't imagined picked up. “What did you call me?!”

I plucked a golden bit from the air, and threw it towards her. It landed on the dusty ground between us, the gleaming sun on it sparkling in the light. I did the same with a silver one… and held it up towards her sunny side up, if you follow. “And silver that’s even so associated with the moon… Shame, really.” I flicked the thing away to my side, not even bothering to watch where it landed. Instead, I plucked forth a copper coin with the image I didn't yet recognize, but the important bit was that the crystal heart clearly wasn't Luna’s mark. I started juggling the thing up and down with my thumb as I continued talking. “Now, granted… I will freely admit it, those aluminum bits? They look rather decent… but even there, your mark doesn't even get a solo performance. And even then, how often do those coins pass the hooves of the commoners, I wonder? It may be ever so subtle a reinforcement, but damn if it isn't potent stuff to show who is actually in charge...”

It seemed that despite the fury I frankly wasn't certain what I’d done to earn, my words were finding their marks...but I can’t say I found it that much to my liking. There were just these flashes of pain, a wound nearly ancient but still raw and festered, in her eyes whenever my cruel arrows were let loose…

With a small shrug, I flicked the coin one last time before folding my arms. The unheeded coin fell upwards into the azure sky. “Perhaps something to keep in mind for the next minting, then? Still, Your Highness, I must insist you explain what I’ve done to earn such ire.”

I honestly thought I might have made some headway with the honorific… but her face went from shocked surprise straight back to livid as I actually finished my sentence. I decided to do my best to not underestimate this mare as a single stomp from her sent cracks rocketing almost ten meters away from the small crater her hoof now occupied. A gale also started up as her eyes lit white in fury, forcing me to hold my hat down.

Then, a small series of satchel-charges set by a mad demolitionist apparently went off, somehow forming the simulacrum of words with the blast waves. “YOU DARE?! AFTER THE STATE YOU LEFT OUR DEAR SISTER AND THE FAIR TOWN OF PONYVILLE IN?!”

I winced and tried to ignore away the ringing in my ears, but my body wasn't as easily convinced as the scenery it seemed. “Lady, do that freakin’ thing again, and I’m pinching myself awake and damned be the consequences.” I snarled and jabbed a finger at her. “And what I did?! I fell from the fucking sky and apparently stopping yourself from going splat was the crime of the flippin’ century!” I swept my hand over the landscape, and willed the likenesses of the three idiots into existence. I snarled and pointed my staff at the PPP. “At least the two other idiots had the excuse of jumping into a fray their buddy was in, but this waste of magic?! She nearly tore me in half for falling from the sky!” I’d completely lost it and stomped up the now stunned looking mare hard enough that the ground rumbled, pulled her head down by her horn and glared straight in her shocked eyes. “And you're here to give me nightmares over that utter farce of a welcoming?!”

Now, manners towards those worthy of them aside I do consider myself an equalist and you can bet your ass I’d at least slap a dude over invading my dreams... but I still surprised myself with just how loud the resulting smack was as my hand met the cheek of the newest idiot I had the misfortune to meet on these shores. “Because in that case, bring it, you walking soot stain!”

For a moment, all was silent… then Luna did that living bonfire thing that apparently happens when ponies get really angry and gave me a hay-maker that made my clock ring, and sent me reeling back almost a meter and onto my ass. “You dare?!”

“What? Have a freaking vocabulary, you nimrod of a monosyllabic twat?!” I grabbed a handful of sand and threw it straight into Luna’s face. I reached back for another handful, but it seemed my subconscious was nearly as big a bastard as I am because instead of sand I felt my fingers close around a nicely sized rock. I let my missile fly without hesitation; hitting the royal bastard squarely on the horn. Not only did this force a grunt of pain out of Luna, but as a bonus it apparently broke her concentration enough to stop doing the Johnny Torch impression too. “Well, then let me descend to your vocabulary level, you idiocy singularity! You! Dumb! Nag!”

I barely had time to roll out of the way as two armored hooves came crashing down, while Luna sneered down at me through streaming eyes. “You dishonorable lout! If you have the audacity to strike the Night herself in her domain, then have the decency to stand and receive the wages of your folly!!”

“Make me, you over glorified, super-sized throne warmer!”

Luna let out a huff and went googly eyed as my staff hit her straight on the ribs with a rather satisfying crack, but to the nag’s utterly limited credit she just swiped the thing out of my hands hard enough a few fingers almost came with it from the feel of it.

I just barely had time to get my arms in front of my face before the solid length of oak came whistling down at my head. I have no idea how I didn't wake immediately from the impact, because even with the facsimile of my duster I’d whipped up it felt as if somebody had dropped an entire bleeding bookshelf on my arms. And not one of those flimsy crap things from Ikea I’m supposed to like just because we share the same country of origin, but one of those sturdy things in steel and bolts.

Honestly, I was running on so much adrenaline I was mostly pissed that the staff broke. “Do you have any idea how hard those are to make?!” I snarled, it being just a dream temporarily forgotten in my anger.

Let me tell you… a one ton horse shoving half a staff against your windpipe with both hooves and snarling down at you with teeth just a bit too pointy? Not cute, not even when it’s one with wings, horn and a picture of a half-moon on her butt. “Image just perhaps, wizard, that I do not care.”

“Oh?” I pressed against her and the remains of my staff, but she had both the weight and strength advantage… and knew it. Didn't stop me from glaring up at her though. “But I’m supposed to care about the galaxy wide ego of a single bastard and her two friends that joined the fray she started?” I spat the twit straight in her face to Luna’s obvious shock and disgust. “Because here’s a hint, you bastard, I don’t give two figs if those wankers are the chosen champions of the realms or what freaking ever, because I’m not the one that struck first.”

Luna raised a single hoof shaking with fury and started wiping her face clean. “Your actions tonight say otherwise.”

If my voice had been any dryer, I would have been able to join a circus as Björn, the Human Dehumidifier. “I’m sorry, but who blew up a teacup in whose face again?”

For just a moment, she hesitated and the pressure let up… but not long enough for me to exploit it. “Do you honestly claim you have no idea what you did? Don’t play coy.”

It was like swallowing glass and washing it down with vinegar, but I just barely got my boiling fury under control to speak calmly. “Ma’am… I used minimal force —except that one last unfortunate attack because my rings had accumulated more charge than I had anticipated— to make what I’m getting the vibe is three spoiled nobles who think that they can get away with anything they damn please, to back off. Then I left town, despite the nearest other one being days away on foot through monster infested countryside. If that is not good enough given that I was attacked for falling from the sky... you can frankly go blow a hydra.”

Luna, who’d just finished getting the spit of, gave me a disgusted look that was actually stronger than when I… well, spit her in the face. “...I have met creatures torn from hells with less foul mouths than you.”

“And I so do not care. Now get the hell off me before I make you.”

The arrogant fool actually threw her head back and laughed.

Hard enough that the staff wiggled around, and let me get my hand free from under it. I wasted no time in shoving my hand forward and shouting my spell. “Vento servitas!”

To my irritation if not surprise, the one ton horse creature wasn't easily shifted by winds even in a dream like this. However, thanks to all the ruddish sand surrounding us being whipped about I still got an opening when she needed to rear back a bit to shield her eyes with a hoof.

I wasted no time. My hand darted down in one smooth motion, grabbed my blasting-rod and pointed it at the royal pain. “Forzare!”

The invisible beam of force slammed into her, and fueled by my anger as it was it actually blasted her about ten meters… Although to give the she-devil her dues I think that last bit might have had quite a bit to do with how she spread her wings to gain a controlled descent.

I couldn't quite resist giving a cheeky smile and wiggle my other focus at the glaring Luna. “And that is why being able to make spares is quite the advantage!”

I got a hot snort for that one, but Luna herself just stood there; quite clearly just waiting for what I’d do next.

I barely bothered to spare a glance at the kindle the staff was reduced to before getting to my feet and brushing off. Besides, this was a dream and I’d lost enough proper sleep to not treating this battle as such.

Sure, I could just will the darn thing unbroken… but I felt I’d only get this pretender to back off if I made a statement.

This was a place of will and imagination, and if this eager young fool of a foal wished to test herself against a wizard in such an arena… then so be it.

Given that ‘Luna’ was staring at me as if she’d seen a mouse turn into a dragon, I didn't think that would be such steep a task. I actually caught myself mid pat, and instead just willed away every stain, bit of dust, and scrape I’d gotten during this so-called battle.

As every damn thing she’d done to me melted away like butter in a solarium, I of course re-pocketed my rod and gave her a tiny clap. It may have been misguided, but talent should still be encouraged after all. “Well done, kid, you actually had me fooled for a bit there.”

‘Luna’s’ face went from shocked to an actual jaw drop.

I pressed on, as I held out my hand and my ‘broken’ staff flew into my hand and merged into a whole once more without even a flicker of magic. I wiggled it at her with a smile. “Now, you’re decent, I’ll grant you that… but you made a rather big mistake and your dream walking isn't nearly as impressive as whatever hack thought you has told you it is.”

I must have hit a nerve again, because her eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets —something that looked really damn freaky on a pony, let me tell you— before ‘Luna’ snarled at me.

I swept a hand over my face… and took on ‘her’s’ before sticking out my tongue, wiggling it around and making the scrunchiest scrunchy face I could. “See?” I said, in ‘her’ voice. “I can badly imitate royalty too!”

In response ‘Luna’ lowered her horn and fired a blast my way.

I didn't even bother with gestures or anything; I just willed the thing to make a ninety degree turn straight down into the ground.

I snapped my fingers and let my mask fade away. Well, the one I could do so with, anyway. “Now, you really had me with those pangs of pain when I mentioned what a clear second stringer Luna is…” The mare reared back as if I’d slapped her, but only for a moment before squaring her shoulders and glaring at me. “...but frankly, you accidentally called that Twi twit sister. Oh, and I refuse to believe that a mare that almost brought about ‘night eternal’ is this damn weak.”

The false Princess hissed at me. “Do not mistake mercy for weakness.”

I shook my head, my hands crossed on my chest and my mouth a thin line of disgust. “Ma’am… speaking as somebody who actually knows enough basic astronomy and magic to know the type of forces involved in even faking stopping the sun, let alone actually doing such Saturday morning style villainy? Frankly, my mind should have winked out like a candle in a freakin’ monsoon if the real Luna was here.”

‘Luna’s’ ears flickered in annoyance… but I’d grant that the girl was a good actress, because I saw that pang of old pain thing again. “And what, does Saturday have with villainy to do?”

“Where I am from, it’s the traditional time for…” I searched for the words so I’d be certain she got the gist. “...special plays aimed mostly at young children. They often have comically inept villains with stupid, stupid plans. Weather machines and holding a single farm’s crops hostage instead of selling the damn thing and making billions… Building giant robots and robbing banks instead of trying to get a weapons contract or something…” I narrowed my eyes and made sure to deadpan. “Trying to kill the sun for the evulz…”

The mare hissed at me like an angry snake.

“Granted,” I continued in a conversational tone, “according to the cliff-notes version I got demonic possession was involved as for that last example, so it isn't quite fair…” I must admit I began to doubt my… well, doubt as this flash of grief passed over the face of what might have actually been the real McCoy. Her reactions were just too fast and smooth for being in a dream. “Of course, I don’t see much reason to actually be fair towards the mare that has invaded my dreams, so no matter who you really are I can’t say I actually care.”

I changed my mind when Luna seemingly got more angry at my dismissal compared to my taunting. It just seemed to fit more with the type of persons that consider themselves strong enough to call on demons and not believe there will be a price involved because of their ‘awesome skills and power’.

Needless to say from what I’d seen so far, I was frankly surprised the girl wasn't a stain inside an almost perfect circle, or something.

I jabbed a thumb towards the rolling hills. “Look, girl, say your piece and leave, or actually get this party started already.” I cracked my neck as she narrowed her eyes at me. “Because that little warm-up was quite satisfying, but if you think the limits of my imagination is a throw-down you've got another thing coming.”

Luna let out a rather equine sounding snort of fury, to be blunt, but it seemed she at least was trying to open a dialogue. “Fine, you arrogant pretender to power. Do you have any idea, what you did?”

I let out a sigh and willed a stool into existence. Trying was certainly a good word for this mare’s view on diplomacy.

She let out another snarl occupied with twitching ears as I sat down. “And stop doing that to this poor dream!”

I looked down incredulously at the simple wooden stool I’d willed into existence. Then I looked at the big blue idiot with the same nearly bored look. “This is a dream.” I pointed a finger at her. “And I frankly don’t care what the local culture has to say on those, because this is my dream.” I jerked my head back towards the hills. “If you don’t like what images my mind conjures up, then go take a hike.”

Luna gritted her teeth. “Is force all you understand, you overdressed monkey?! Does kindness and subtlety mean nothing to you?!”

I waggled a finger at her. “And if this wasn't my mind and you that forced yourself in here, you might have actually had a moral leg to stand on…” I pointed at the rather blatant totem of power hanging in the sky despite how I’d willed it to be day. “And you were saying something about subtlety?”

Luna just held her head high. “My moon is a beacon to all dreamers that aid has come.”

I rolled my eyes slightly at the dramatics… but I had to concede the point. “Fine.” I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and my staff on my lap. “But now when we’re actually talking like I tried back there in Ponyville, how about you actually walk me through what…” I lifted my hands and made air-quotes. “‘dreadful things’ I've done? We could have it be a thought exercise, perhaps, where you speak with me like I’m this involuntary dimensional traveler that’s rather peeved because he has been trudging through forests filled with flippin’ monsters for several days, or something…”

Luna let out this snort that steamed in the air, kept scraping her right hoof absently hard enough you could have planted in the resulting furrow and judging from how her eyes were these angry little slits I barely know if she could actually see through... I took that as these subtle signs that this mare didn't particularly care for sarcasm.

Do I know women, or what?

Still, to the mare’s credit —even if I had to admit I frankly considered her deep in the red for that damn tea-cup and the whole entering my dreams uninvited thing— actually took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “The mares you atta-”

“Defended myself against,” I corrected firmly. “Actually acknowledge who started that damn fight, as I know you do, or this conversation is over.”

Luna gave me a cold look. “After the horrible state you left not only ‘Twi’ herself, but the entire town? Frankly, I will not give you the satisfaction.” It might have been the dream, but it frankly felt as if my nose was freezing slightly as the look got even colder. “Not all wounds are of the flesh, wizard... and I have been fighting the nightmares of an entire town for several days now, just because an arrogant whelp didn’t yield.“

Ah… I bit back a wince. If this girl really was some type of wizard so strong she might as well claim the goddess title instead, and of the Night with what that entailed…

Well, suddenly it made a bit more sense why I’d caused enough ripples to be noticed by royalty. A big black blot on what she considered just an extension of her lands from the sound of things? Yeah, that sounded as if it would do it, alright.

It just wasn't fair to feel bone-weary in a dream. “Ma’am… I tried to walk away, but that Twi girl stopped me from doing so. Then I delivered a single blow to end things, checked that the misguided girl wasn't dead from it… and walked away. Frankly, unless you’re here to beat the metaphysical stuffing out of me in revenge, I’m not certain what more you want from me.”

I felt a slight stirring of hope as how tired I sounded actually seemed to be getting to Luna. It wasn’t quite enough to smooth the waves, but at least there was this barely noticeable flicker of hesitation there. “And the amulet you refused to relinquish…?”

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my amulet and held it up so Luna could see it. “Fine, this thing apparently almost looks like some artifact of doom thing... but where from I’m standing that doesn’t actually change anything even if it is. It sent me here, ergo it’s my best bet for getting home, and there is no way in any hell, heaven or the twisted places in-between I’d give it up just because a somebody asked rudely for it. End of the discussion.”

Luna held up a hoof. “Give it here.”

I raised an unamused eyebrow at the mare.

The ghost of a rather bitter smile hunted Luna’s face for a few brief moments. “I assure you, that was the polite version given the circumstances.“

I bit back a snort. “For the record?” I jiggled the amulet a bit, making the silver and ruby gleam in the light. “If I wake up and this thing isn't exactly where I left it because it turns out you know some freaky dream ritual that lets you take actual stuff, but only if you have permission? I will be at least as annoyed as I was back in Ponyville.”

“Duly noted,” Luna said in a voice that could have frozen a flame.

I decided on keeping it simple and just swung the amulet around on its chain once, before letting it go flying directly towards Luna.

I barely kept a grin of my face as she flinched slightly before catching my amulet with her hoof. “...That wasn't magic.”

“What?” I asked with barely contained humor. “Didn't expect the ‘overdressed monkey’ to have a throwing arm?” I decided to be a bit cheeky and plucked a lollipop from thin-air to Luna’s clear chagrin. “You’re just as dead from a rock to the face as a lightning bolt, you know?” I continued as I plopped the small snack into my mouth. “Overspecialize and you breed in weakness, and all that.”

Luna had seemingly decided to ignore me and my antics, but I still saw her ears perk slightly at my last words.

For a few blessed minutes all was silent. I just sitting there enjoying the sun and the taste of chemicals twisted into a mockery of cherries, while Luna kept throwing near every diagnostic spell she could at the small amulet.

It was honestly decently entertaining to just sit there and watch her mutter what seemed to be swears in languages I didn't even recognize, while she got more and more agitated.

Alas, before too long she let out a scream of frustration and threw the amulet into the ground so hard it made a decent crater.

Luna then turned to me with her eye twitching and this snarl on that would have been threatening if she hadn't been so gosh-darn cute. “What trickery is this?! Why can’t I see the magic of this thing?!”

I carefully took the lolly from my mouth and gave her a level look. “It’s almost as if I was told the thing might be an artifact that twists the user, and thus stuffed the thing into the deepest pocket I have until I can actually examine it properly.” I lifted a foot and wiggled my somewhat worn looking boot at her. “Hint: A forest where you all but trip over cockatrices isn't what I’d call a properly furnished lab.” I replaced the lolly with a smile as Luna glared me down. “It’s almost as if I have a brain and can form these things called ‘priorities,’ or something.”

This rather satisfying sound filled the air as Luna gritted her teeth. “And you didn't tell me this, because…?”

“Because I don’t like you, and you never asked.”

Ever seen a winged unicorn glare at you so hard it’s quite clear she’s all but trying to make your head explode from sheer hate alone? If not, it’s this rather interesting mix of wrongness and adorableness. Like a puppy in an SS uniform, or something.

She sat down on her haunches and did some type of breathing technique, moving one hoof in tandem with her breaths.

It didn't really work from how hard her jaw was still set when she stopped. “You are not making it easier for me to believe your side of this story.”

I turned my head and spat out the now empty stick my lollipop had been reduced to. “Image just perhaps, Luna, that I do not care.”

Luna did that scrape at the ground thing again while letting out a slow breath. “...I will not fault your Honesty, at least.”

I made mental note of that I actually heard the capital H when she said Honesty. A local cardinal virtue, perhaps? It didn't seem immediately useful… but cultural trivia like that never do, not until you're suddenly standing there with a disgusted and slash or furious local and wondering what went wrong.

Basically, I didn't worry the slightest about being an irritant to this arrogant prick that clearly needed to be taken down quite a few pegs… but I’d rather not be declared anathema by somepony that apparently at least in part lead a country where a third of the populace was natural mages.

Well, if she wanted honesty…

I let out an irritated sigh and got to my feet. “Ma’am… with all due respect, I don’t think I’m big enough a thorn in Equestria’s side for you to worry about, and I’d frankly prefer to keep it that way.” I lifted my hand and snapped my fingers. “So how about we go with how things looked from my perspective?”

Luna clearly tried not to look queasy as the scene around us shifted. Rolling hills of sand turned to cobbled streets, cacti and bushes to ponies going around their business, houses faded into existence as if woven from thin air…

And the three images of three certain ponies that had stood all but forgotten darted off to take their positions, just as their puppeteer willed.

And then, a tiny screaming speck fell from the heavens.

It wasn't my strongest moment, but I leaned against a nearby building and pulled my hat down over my eyes as I just waited for the mix of a reenactment and a flashback to pass.

Call me old fashioned, but having to see that farce and knowing that it ended with what was clearly a civilian all but smeared on a door? Yeah, once was more than enough.

Still, even the sounds were enough to make me cringe a few times. There's just no sound quite like bones breaking, for one. I think it’s the mix of an almost gunshot loud snap, while still having this slight muffled quality to it thanks to the flesh in the way.

That it’s one of those sounds you have an instinctive revulsion to doesn't help matters. The added twist of the knife that I knew both that I’d done that, and that it had been a girl mostly there trying to protect her friends and town?

Yeah, I fully expected I’d be hearing that sound in quite a few dreams to come.

“...You actually expect me to believe this account when you clearly can twist dreams as easy as a pegasus may fly?” Luna said in an even but hard voice as the sounds died away.

I tilted my head and thought it over. “A fair enough point.”

“Really? That’s all you have to s-”

“I swear on my power that was as I remember it, just changed to a third-person perspective for easier viewing.”

A slight shiver passed through me as the vow did.

Luna however, hissed in shock and seemingly took an involuntary step back.

Several tense moments passed before she spoke again. “You know a lot of dangerous things, it seems.”

I tilted my hat back… but my eyes lingered towards the tree-house rather than Luna. “Almost like I’m a wizard, or something...” I nodded towards the red stain on the door my memory insisted wasn't that big, but my imagination apparently was having a bit too much fun tormenting me with. “You really know that girl and want her to live to old age? Get her and those friends of hers some proper anger management classes, some lessons on negotiation and some combat training.”

“These are peaceful lands and times,” Luna said in a surprisingly gentle but firm voice, “and such measures are unnecessary.”

I turned my head towards her and gave her a hard look. “You do know that I was holding back, right? No offence, but it’s rather plain you've actually been in a few scraps.” I nodded towards the town-square. “To be utterly frank, those girls seemed as if they expected me to take a single hit and then just go lay down.”

I wiggled my fingers a bit and willed the image of Twi into existence. Wings spread, and horn aimed straight at my heart. “That Twi girl has a bit of potential, but the other two?” I shook my head. “Nothing wrong with being kind or merciful, but if you’re in combat you actually need to know when and how to strike to be so…”

“And Twilight?” Luna asked in a rather firm voice.

I waved my hand and its force rings at her. “These things were supposed to be nearly empty, but they must have gotten a boost from me falling, or something.” I mimed making a slow punch, aimed away from her just to be sure. “I honestly thought I needed to trigger them all just to shove her over…” I shivered a bit. “That girl is lucky to be alive, to be blunt.”

Luna hesitated for a moment over something. “And yet you lectured her?”

I gave her a hard look. “One day, if she keeps jumping into a fray just because her friends started it… she won’t come out. If me using five minutes to rub her nose into how much she has yet to learn can save what seems a good and talented if stupid kid from dying a dumb death before her time? Hell, I’d tweak her broken bones with salt if that was what it took.”

Luna spluttered, but I just turned my head and smiled slightly. “I claimed to not be in the wrong here, not a word about being a nice man.” I gave a tiny shrug and leaned a bit harder against the wall. “Besides, a free-fall from a kilometer or two up and a battle straight afterwards? I had so much adrenaline coursing through me I’m frankly amazed I could walk straight, let alone huff and puff myself scary looking enough that it stopped at just three idi- would-be heroes.”

I saw Luna’s ear flick at my slip, but she clearly pretended not to notice. She seemed mostly troubled by the rest of my words. “Cruel to be Kind? I have to admit, I have never understood that philosophy.”

“I don’t know what level that Twi girl is on by Equestrian standards… but whoever her teacher is, that person should be ashamed of himself.” I ignored a small sputtering sound from Luna’s direction and instead shook my head sadly. “I mean, seriously, who teaches their pupil teleportation before counter-spelling? Or that type of massive blasts before enchanting? Whatever hack is teaching her nearly lost a student because of that foolishness and I frankly hope you rub it in the pony’s nose.”

“And what level would you say ‘Twi’ is…?” Luna asked in a careful voice I’m not sure I liked. “Just curious.”

I made a face of horror as realization dawned. “...Holy hell, please tell me that wasn't a certificated mage by this place's standards!”

A look of pure irritation flashed over her face, telling me all I needed before the words did. “And if she is?”

There were no words. I just leaned my head back and face palmed.

Luna, I kid you not, growled like an angry dog at me.

I lowered my hand and head and gave her my hardest glare. “Ma’am… if I’d been serious, your friend would have been dead before she had time to fire a single bolt.”

“There is more to magic than combat, you brute!” Luna snapped my way, with spittle flying, wings flared and everything.

“Yeah, but it’s somewhat important if you consider yourself something of a town protector!” I countered without hesitation. “Especially when you live a stone’s throw away from monster infested woods!”

Luna sucked in an angry breath but I leaned away from the wall and cut her off. “Fuck this, I am not spending my whole flippin’ night arguing.” I rolled up my sleeve and held my right arm up, ready to pinch it…

Luna just smiled sweetly at me.

Too sweetly.

“...What?”

The dark mare let out a laugh that sounded way too genuinely happy. “Oh, child… you have to sleep sometime.” She theatrically sat down and studied her hoof. “If you believe you’re getting away from this well-deserved attention by your betters that easily, then you are quite mistaken.”

I let out a snort and pinched…

The cheeky twit actually waved me off as I woke with a jolt.

I had to let out a groan as reality started to reassert itself. “Fuck me, why did I have to fall on the one twit in this world with connections…?”

I slowly —emphasis on the slow part— crawled myself out of the nest-thingy, feeling every muscle screaming at me while doing so. I’m not sure if it was just sharing a dream with somebody, or if it was how I’d lost my temper earlier… but I felt worse than when I’d gone to bed the first time.

Was that her plan? If dreams were her ‘domain,’ she might see nothing wrong with just keeping me from sleeping correctly until I all but sat down and begged just for a single night’s good sleep.

I had to admit, it had a rather deviously diabolical simplicity to it.

I grumbled my way over to my duster and got to work.

Some steel-wire, a few bits of paper, a surprisingly big part of my string supply and a few old shell-casings…

I held the fruits of my labor up in the swiftly fading evening sun, and the small dream-catcher gleamed in the golden light.

I grumbled as I stumbled over to the window and hung the darn thing. Truth be told I wasn't even certain it would work, but there was no way I’d just roll over and present my throat to that smug twit.

My back screamed at me at the mere thought, but I went over to my duster and grabbed an assortment of gems and started stuffing them into the bottom of my bed. I was way too tired to even think about the various defensive powers of gems, but needless to say I’d be sleeping in what hopefully should be the magical equivalent of one of those military bunkers with a whole mountain on top.

I let out a sigh. If only this version didn't also depend on big, pointy rocks…

I then got back to my duster and sat down on the floor and started on what might have been the angriest crayon scribbling ever.

Perhaps it was the fatigue, but I had to admit I got slightly giggly at that bit. “Yes! Fear my inner six-year olds’ wrath!”

Even with the simplicity of the symbols, it took a while. But a few dozen hands of Fatima, eyes of Horus, pictures of snakes, arrows, and stars of David later, and…

Well, my room looked as if the strangest damn six-year old had gone a bit cuckoo, to be blunt, but symbolically the pictures carefully strewn all-over were potent stuff.

I had to go back and rummage, but I lucked out and found a few old salt packets from McDonald’s in the very bottom of one of my pockets. I made a mental note to buy more salt before getting started.

I opened one of the packets and poured it into my open palm, before walking over to the door and throwing a small pinch at it. “Once, I cast you out, unclean spirits! In the name of all things Good and the right-hand path, be gone!” I felt a slight stirring with my non-mundane senses, but I ignored it.

I poured the salt into my right hand from the left, and throw another pinch with my left this time. “Once, I cast you out, pure spirits! In the name of all things Evil and the left-hand path, be gone!

For just a tiny moment, the room had this strange sense of shock to it in response to my improvised little banishing ritual. I just barely kept a grin of my face as I rubbed both hands together and wrung the salt off towards the door. “Twice, I cast you out, oh spirits! In the names of Power and Magic, be gone!”

An angry muttering just at the edge of hearing passed through the room; like a mist being driven off by a great fan.

I raised both hands in front of me… and gave the door both birds. “Thrice, I cast you out, oh spirits! In the name of all things Sacred and all things Foul, and by the Power of Threes, be gone!”

The muttering grow to a small but furious gale, as the ‘vibe’ for a lack of a better word of the place fought against me and my will.

I raised my right hand and pushed towards the door, the movement far heavier and offering more resistance than any mere air had any right to offer. “And a fourth time I cast you out! In the name of Chaos and Disorder, let the Order of all things be broken because I Will it!”

It was like pushing a car with only one hand, but slowly I forced myself onward as the air screamed in my ear, the warmth of the room itself clawed at my skin, the very slickness of the floor tried to trip me…

Only for a stillness that felt just slightly wrong to descend on the room as my hand touched the cool door.

Trembling slightly and with a slight sheen of sweat, I clasped both hands and bowed my head towards the door. “And with the fifth call comes Stillness, for even in Chaos and Disorder lays greater complexities undreamt of by lesser Minds. By my Will, my Power and my Magic, this place is Cleansed.”

A calm I can’t quite describe in words settled over the small room. I sucked in a breath that now seemed to come just a tiny bit easier, and just took a moment to stand and meditate in the silence.

Then, for the most important and most likely to work bit; I stood up straight, and started walking in a circle around my bed, quietly chanting while clapping my hands softly.

“This is the song that never ends; it just goes on and on, my friends! Somebody started singing it long ago not knowing what it was, and…!”

A soft knock on the wall broke my concentration, but was soon followed by Black’s voice. “Harry? What in Tartarus are you doing?”

“Luna doesn't like my variant of dream-shaping one bit, and we’re having something of an astral shouting-match since I like her fumbling into my dream and making demands just as much.” I explained towards my wall at a deadpan. “So I’m setting up a circle in the most obnoxious way I can on such a short time frame.”

Black was silent for a for moments before answering. “Harry?”

“Yes?”

“I know she can be a bit much and she’s got the subtlety of a hydra in a ball gown, but please don’t piss off the ancient goddess with a temper.” Black let out a groan. “I’m really not in the mood for emergency weather duty…”

I added that to the overgrowing ‘check later’ pile. So pegasi have some type of weather magic? Interesting… Still, it did sound plausible given how the PPP had reacted to a simple wind spell. “Well, anyway, rather out of my hands, but if anything explodes in my room you’ll at least know why, right?”

Black let out another groan. “Just… Please be a bit gentle, OK?”

How almost pleading he’d sounded made me do a double take.

“She’s a bit co-co, but she’s a good mare that’s been through a lot underneath it all, ‘kay?”

I had to admit, I felt a bit weirded out. “You’re taking this rather… well.”

“You’re not the first foreigner with different views on dreams I've guided, Harry.” Black chuckled softly. “And Luna gets her proverbial panties in a bunch every time...”

I wondered for a moment why a people of nudists would have that expression… then I decided that I wasn't feeling nearly enough morbidly curious to continue that line of inquiry at present time. “No promises since she started it, but I’ll try to keep the rest of it above the belt.”

“...The rest?”

“I may have dreamt up my staff and thumped the dream invader a few times…”

I swear, I practically heard the expression of shock on Black’s face through that wall. “...Oh sweet Harmony…” He then let out a small laugh that sounded almost as dark as his colors. “And then she did…?”

I let out a small cough. “...Broke the thing over my head and held me down with half of it.”

My guide let out a small sigh. “Don’t make ‘em like they used to, huh?”

I made a small grimace at the thought of a blue sea of Lunas, all glaring at me with lit horns. “...Och tacka gudarna för det.”(1) I muttered under my breath.

“What was that?” Black asked in a rather more firm voice. It seemed somepony had a slight patriotic streak…

“Nothing I’d care to repeat,” I said truthfully, “but in my defense, having to do this crap just for a shot at sleeping uninterrupted is making me cranky.” I guess I had a bit of the whole tech-bane thing after all, because above me the strange bugs in the lamp I’d forgotten to turn off started popping with a disturbingly popcorn like sound; glowing like tiny stars briefly before simply winking out with loud splats. “Cranky and wizard is not a good combo.”

I heard Black sniff. “...Harry, just what are you doing now?”

The last of the bugs went splat as I watched with a bit of worry. “It appears me in this bad a mood is enough to pop bugs…”

That seemingly shocked Black. “Wait, what?! But pyreflies can stand eve-” I all but heard his brain grind to a halt and start over. “Of course you've got enough juice just leaking out you’re popping the poor pyreflies.”

My nose wrinkled as the smell started reaching out of the small lamp. The ‘aroma’ was… weird. Like somebody had thrown rose-scented grease into a bug-zapper. “...Any chance there’s a easy way to avoid… well, that?”

Black grumbled and turned in his bed. “You just put up one of those circle things of yours for tonight, and we'll buzz over to the library for a few text on magic management before the meeting tomorrow, OK?”

“Sounds good,” I said with an absent nod, “‘night, Black.”

It must have been later than the soft light from the window hinted at, because I didn't even get an answer before I heard this soft snore drift through the wall.

I chuckled softly, before restarting my try at a circle as quietly as I could. “...that never ends; it just goes on and on my friends. Somebody started singing it long ago…”

I had soon finished and a circle did indeed form, but I must have been unsteady on my feet or something, because the thing felt... wobbly, for lack of better words.

I gave an irritated grunt, and repeated the small ritual as many times as I dared without stumbling and undoing all my work.

When I finally felt finished, I more or less needed to scoot around the bed with my feet bent to the sides around the frame, and the whole mass although unstable and weak individually was so layered I could just barely see what almost looked like a soap bubble around my bed if I squinted.

With a grunt I carefully slid back down into the bed… and almost immediately scraped a long, irritated red line on my shoulder from getting too close to a sapphire.

I couldn't quite stop a groan. I really hoped this would work, or I’d feel like a tired idiot come morning.

I’d almost dozed off… when I was startled awake by my breath coming out in a small puff, as this unnatural coldness descended over the room.

I looked towards the window… only to see frost having formed over the glass. Not only did it force itself in under the rim of the window despite the still lingering heat of summer, but the cheeky verglas right on the actual glass had a freakin’ message in it from its mistress.

It read, in a smoothly flowing feminine hand I had a sneaking suspicion was actually a hoof since the letters gleamed just a bit too much in the moonlight:

My, my… You actually tried to sanctify your room? Aren't you just full of nasty little surprises!

The outermost circle flared once as the window burst open by itself, forced open by the creeping ice.

I continued to stare on incredulously, as a single finger of frost crawled into my room proper and started forming new letters on the wall.

Such an utter pity what little of Our power We actually draw from Our beloved subjects’ worship of Us is a thing most profane, is it not? ~L

I had to admit, this girl had almost as much style as she was annoying.

I’d almost fallen asleep again… when a loud crack made me sit up with a start.

By the window, my dream catcher had basically melted. As I watched, the remnants of it rained down on the floor in a shower of parts and St. Elmo’s fire.

St. Elmo’s flames that for a brief moment spelled out: Oh! A dream catcher! Haven’t had to circumvent one of these in centuries! How fun!

Yes, she made some of the damn ‘flames’ even go cursive as they fell. Fuck me if I know how.

As I continued to watch just so the thing wouldn't burn me alive, the bits and bobs of it just laid there and sizzled for a bit; the flames slowly fading but seemingly only even warming the bits of what I’d hoped would be the only line of defense I’d need.

I fell back… and almost brained myself on a diamond. With a grumble I moved it a bit and tried to get comfy again.

I was barely surprised as I startled awake once more; this time to the smell of burning paper.

I sat up, and saw as the drawings I’d made crumbled in on themselves, seemingly without cause.

I scanned around for another message, but I guess there wasn't enough material to destroy the papers and write something out, or something, because I didn't spot one.

As soon as the last paper crumbled into nothingness, not even leaving ashes behind, I lay back down with a sigh.

Not seeing a way around it, I just closed my eyes and waited for sleep to come…

A loud ‘zap’ rang out in the room, and I just barely had time to open my eyes to see a bunch of sparks of cobalt colored magic rained down onto the floor.

And another.

And so on, like this electrical woodpecker on a high-voltage line.

It was actually a bit pretty in a ‘Alright, who put LSD in my water?’ kind of way.

With a smug smile I buried my head as deep into my ‘mattress’ as I could, doing my best not to laugh myself wickedly to sleep.

Now, I wasn't quite on the home-stretch yet. Ever heard those tales about an exorcist wrestling against the demon caught in the circle, doing their best to force the thing to stay inside the binding? Now, I wasn't quite certain if Luna would get desperate enough to do the metaphysical equivalent to smack down about a dozen or so walls with her head to get to me, but I had this suspicion that if any mage on these shores would be stubborn enough for that… it would be her.

Still, it did mean I just might have a chance keeping her at bay long term; I’d simply have to invest in making better circles every night from now than the flimsy things I’d thrown out this evening.

“...Practice makes perfect, I guess…” I muttered irritably, before turning over and slowly drifting into an uneasy sleep.

I honestly wasn't even that surprised when the field of shadows and mist faded into view again, but I had this feeling I’d gotten at least a few hours of dreamless sleep…

Even if I had to admit, hearing this soft panting in the background? Now that put a smile on my face. “Ah, now I know what trick to make more of tomorrow.”

Luna stomped out of the dark, head held high and glaring down at me… but the thin sheen of sweat fooled nobody. “I demand you tell me.”

I just snorted and folded my arms. “And telling you the one secret that seems to work in keeping you out of my damn dreams is in my interests how…?”

Luna snarled at me like a rabid animal. It seemed that at least in these venues Nightmare Moon wasn't quite as gone as even Luna herself liked to pretend, because for just a moment she had fangs, and her slitted eyes all but shone a cold sapphire color...

I was not in the mood, so I just narrowed my eyes at her. “Counter-offer. You leave my damn dreams alone, and I won’t scream how to shield oneself from you from the nearest rooftop.”

Luna actually reared back slightly as if I’d slapped her again. “You would not dare.”

The words were hard enough, but there really wasn't any mistaking how her eyes had widened in a sudden jolt of fear.

I pressed my advantage and stepped closer, putting my arms on my back for added effect. I stopped only a meter or so away from the ‘goddess’ in question and glared her down with my head held high. “Do I seem the type to bow and scrape?” I tilted my head at her… and hesitated for just a moment, but I ultimately decided on just rolling with it. “I’d thought one person with enough power and pride they’d rather rend the sky in two than bow to the will of the heavens would recognize another… but I guess I must have been wrong.”

Luna’s eyes went wide… and far harder than I’d seen during the entire evening.

I started striding around, pointedly not looking her way. “Now, I will freely admit I’m —a few exotic tricks aside— nowhere near your skill or power-level and I’m all but certain I missed quite a few parts of the tale at that...” I waved my hand vaguely in the air, and Luna let out an angry hiss as my memory of Clearcut’s illusion sprang to life.

I just watched for a moment as Nightmare Moon laughed her silent laugh, only to look over to a Luna that didn't quite seem to know if she should break down crying... or flay me on the spot.

“Now, as I said, I’m fairly certain I missed quite a few parts…” I pressed on, as the flames continued to dance in a loop. “...but you know? I think I can guess.” I leaned in a bit and gave her my biggest most obnoxious smile. “Did somepony’s pride not handle a time when the binary choices of candles or fire meant that most just said ‘buck it’ and went to sleep instead well?”

I all but saw these tiny red dots in Luna’s eyes when the scales tipped over to the ‘flay the bastard!’ side.

So I raised my hand, and snapped my fingers.

And all around us, Vegas proper in its full nightly glory faded into view. It seemed fitting, so I willed a classical black and white showman’s tux including tails, a cane and a top-hat into existence, replacing my normal gear.

I swept my arms wide and pointed down the Ritz with my cane as Luna’s jaw all but hit the asphalt. “Welcome, fair lady, to Las Vegas!” I took the hat off my head and with a flourish to it gave a showman’s bow towards the stunned Luna. “To one of the cities of my world that never truly sleeps.”

As the half remembered and half imagined crowd milled around us, I took a few moments to consider this place I might never see again. If the Windy City was a great crossroad… what would that make a place that simultaneously held both the titles of Sin City and the Marriage Capital of the World?

As my eyes drifted towards the sky beam of the Luxor I couldn't quite stop a hum and tapped myself thoughtfully on my chin with my cane.

If magic was real, and there existed at least one mage on my world… just how many of these ‘shows’ were nothing more than people that had found a way to be paid to have their powers grow? It may not be quite as potent as say an altar, a knife and the spilling of blood… but tapping the subtle power of a legion screaming your name in ecstasy at the wonders you may show was a heck of a lot safer, and less morally black to boot.

I chuckled slightly as my eyes drifted to one of the many ‘A new show, every night!’ signs around the area.

Nothing untoward towards illusionist and their skills, of course… but it was an intriguing little thought experiment I couldn't quite dismiss the logic of.

I replaced my hat and rested on my cane. Still, that was potential future business… “Alright,” I told Luna, who jerked out of her daze at the sound of my voice, “here’s the bribe. You stop bothering me over what was basically three idiots and a bad first impression, get out of my freakin’ way and let me work…” I smiled a bit wider and spread my arms as if trying to hold the entire street at once. “...and maybe, just maybe, this could be the central street of Canterlot in five years or so.”

Luna gave a hard look towards the nearest casino, where the constant blips and beepings of the slot-machines was exactly that strange mix of obnoxious and intriguing I remembered.

I put my hands back down on my cane and rolled my eyes a bit. “So this particular place is just a bit heavy on the whole gambling thing.” I swept a hand over the crowd that never seemed to quite thin, even despite the hour. “I believe my main point still stands.”

Luna, to her credit despite this deep hunger I could just barely see all but burning in her eyes, leaned her head back and thought it over.

I took how her whole body tensed slightly as she saw something as a bad sign. “...Where are your world’s stars?”

...Ah.

I snapped my fingers and shifted the whole scene to this disused field I someti- used to drive to when I couldn't sleep or needed to think.

It was a bit much and overly dramatic, truth be told, but I added this meteor shower me and the gang had gone out to see a few years ago.

I realize it’s a bit egotistical to just stand and bask in your own handiwork… but fuck it, I still spent a few moments in silence just staring up towards the Milky-way as streaks of light passed it and us by.

“...It’s called light-pollution,” I volunteered in a quiet voice as the stars twinkled far above us. “Ever noticed that the stars are harder to see for a bit after having been in a lit room? Like that, but with streets and houses instead.” I gave a shrug. “Something gained, something lost. Trite, but true.”

I looked towards Luna, who seemed to take a rather deep interest in the sky I was showing. “And this travesty goes unchallenged by your night’s master…?”

I gave a shrug and went back to watching the show above. “If there is one, I've never seen the dude or dudette… although I knew quite a few legends” I scratched absently at my chin. “Wouldn't surprise me if there actually is one or two hidden away given some things I've learned recently, but we humans have a tendency to get tetchy at people with power, and quite a few of the old-style gods were utter bastards.”

“...Tetchy?” Luna asked.

I turned my head towards her and just said it plainly. “A couple of centuries ago, the populace of this land called France figured out that nobles die just as easily under an executioner’s axe.”

Luna reared back slightly. “What?!”

I shrugged and plucked another lolly out of the air —lemon this time, if it matters— before continuing. “There was a famine, and the queen was so sheltered that she said when presented with that even bread was in short supply, and I quote: ‘Why don’t they eat cake, then?’” I made a small flame dance over my open palm; the small speck of fire almost blinding in the dark. “I believe I don’t need to tell a fellow magician how nasty a spark may be in the wrong place and time?”

I glanced towards Luna, and even in the dark I could see how she’d paled a bit. No doubt there was at least a few relatives and such she could imagine in that role.

I pressed on. “Don’t get me wrong, that was hardly it, but it was that final drop of oil that sparked the great conflagration, so to speak.”(2)

“And what became of these bloodthirsty and short-sighted commoners?” Luna asked in a voice almost as dark as the area.

“They won, and killed the entire royal line down to the last bastard thrice removed.” I paused for a moment as Luna choked on her own spit. “Then with the illusion of royal birth being anything special thoroughly shattered… quite a few other countries soon erupted into similar revolutions.”

The entire area was all but deathly silent for nearly five minutes, before I continued. “Granted, quite a few lineages remain… but the ones that actually hold any power except through reputation are so few you can all but ignore them. My own homeland has a rather popular King, for example, but ol’ ‘Karl Gutta’ is basically a diplomat that inherited his position. All the actual power lies with a democratically elected parliament.”

I couldn't quite stop myself from giving the still mare a rather predatory grin in the dark. “Does my rather blatant disregard for that fancy hat suddenly make this horrific sense… Your Highness?”

Luna did seemingly not approve one iota of my mirth, given how thin a line her mouth was. “You approve of such… slaughter?”

I shrugged and waved her off. “Several centuries before my time. I won’t deny that it was horrific, and quite a few probably died that didn't deserve it… but in the end th- my world ended up a better place for it.”

“How can you be this… callous of an entire line... ending?”

I raised my arm and made a chopping motion with my other hand. “If your arm is gangrenous you cut it off. Sure, some healthy flesh probably goes with it, but it’s much better than dying.” I decided that a certain winged unicorn wasn't quite likely to gut me quite yet —even if she was looking quite a bit queasy— and unceremoniously sank down on the grass with my legs folded. “And believe me, the French aristocracy was a societal cancer towards the end. Grand balls while their serfs starved, and crap like that.”

I looked up towards Luna and made sure to make my eyes as hard as possible. “If you remember anything of this night… Don’t have balls during a famine. The few twits on top and their goons aren't nearly as scary as every Joe and Jane Average in a frothing frenzy, carrying pitchforks and meat hooks.” It wasn't quite the same as taking a drag of a cigarette between lines, but I still plopped my lolly in for a few moments and savored the almost lemon flavor before pressing on. “If there exist a single fortress that can stand when the entire populace decided they’d rather die than see it standing? Well, I haven’t seen it yet.”

“...I believe you underestimate Our subjects capability for mercy,” Luna said in a careful voice.

I was moments away from flinging daggers with my eyes, I’ll say that much. “Said the mare that’s here to poke me until I explode, and actually get a legal reason to drag me to the dungeons. Because three of her friends got bloody noses they actually deserved.”

Luna bristled slightly… still, it was a step up from the death-glares. “Just as I think you might have the chance of redeeming yourself, you say something like that.”

Something let out a crunch sound. I looked over to my hand, only to see the lollipop reduced to dust in my grip. I took a deep breath and let it fall in a small stream towards the ground, before turning my head back towards the idiot. “Redemption? I defended myself. Why the hell would I show remorse for using minimal force? I even tried to walk away, only for that purple idiot to grab me and drag me back!”

“And if I told you that ‘purple idiot’ might need months, if not years, of surgeries and rehabilitation before she can fly again? The only reason she lives, being that she earned those very wings a few short months ago?”

I leaned my head back and did my best not to scream in frustration. “Ma’am… What happened was an utter, utter waste, but I don’t have a time-machine in my pocket.”

At least I damn-well hoped not. I wasn't quite certain what that amulet of mine was actually capable of, but even if it was ‘just’ what it was in the books with a few extras?

Knowledge is a dangerous, dangerous thing.

I leaned my head down again and decided on a bit of reversal. “Fine, let me hear what you would have done, then.” I snapped my fingers, and above us a hole in the air opened up.

A hole that a screaming Luna whose wings wouldn't quite catch the air had just fallen through.

The ‘real’ Luna let out a snort. “I do not scream like a tiny filly.”

I gave her a level look… before the imaginary Luna’s voice shifted to a deep, manly baritone.

Luna’s eye twitched slightly. “I have met three creatures more abrasive than you, wizard... and one of them was Discord himself.”

I ignored her. “Here is the scenario for our little thought exercise. What you thought was just a nice looking bit of bling has turned out to have a —to your knowledge— one way trip to another world on it. Three locals, of a culture and people you know nothing about except that they give off more magic each than quite a few places of power in your home, basically jump you and then ask you to just hand over the thing that dropped you straight on top of them.”

In the distance, the dream Luna landed in a rather graceless heap, just between three humans threateningly brandishing baseball bats.

“What do you do, oh wise mistress of the night?”

Luna raised a hoof and massaged her temples in a rather distractingly human fashion. “Is the constant attitude and sarcasm really necessary?”

“I don’t like or fear you nearly enough to force myself to stop... so yes.”

Luna did that breathing exercise again before speaking. “Fine, I use my wings and fly off.”

I gave her a long, tired look... and then flapped my arms for emphasis.

Luna let out a sigh. “Point taken…”

“Oh, and the entire magic field is different and seemingly follow some quite important different rules, so you don’t actually know what any of your gear or spells will do until you try.”

It was a bit cruel, but I made the imaginary Luna lower her head and let out what should have been one of those stun-blasts…

Only for the still glowing bones of the human she’d been pointing her horn at to fall down in a small rain of ash.

I ‘paused’ the image at the distraught face of Luna, as the two survivors fled the scene screaming.

The real Luna was looking a bit green again. “You have a sick and twisted imagination.”

I just let out a snort. “That isn't that different from my rings having gotten a full charge from nowhere, and you know it.”

I drew a star superimposed over another in the air, with my finger leaving dark pink and white lines of light behind that flowed together into glimmering fields when I was done. I poked the air, and five smaller stars glimmered to life.

Then a rainbow colored lightning-bolt shooting forward from a blue lined but white cloud.

And finally, three balloons, one pink and two blue.

“You just don’t want to admit it, because it means those three friends of yours dropped the ball big-time,” I said.

I drew a fourth time. Three pink butterflies with blue bodies, caught mid-flight in the air as if it had turned to amber.

“And the rather unfortunate fact that one of them didn't. The other’s simply didn't listen to her council.”

I turned to Luna, whose face was just utterly unreadable… but she did stare at the pictures I’d improvised. “Well?” I asked softly. “Ball’s in your court. What are you going to do with it?”

Judging from how Luna fell silent, she had some thinking to do.

I just leaned back onto the soft grass, and watched the stars falling.

Luna seemed rather annoyed as I plucked another lollipop from thin-air. “Would you stop that?!”

Let’s say the taste of blueberries wasn't the only reason I was smiling wide. “Rather hard to take a grown man that likes lollies seriously, isn't it?”

Luna grumbled something rather unladylike sounding under her breath, before turning slightly and going back to thinking.

My mind had wandered far enough by the time she spoke up that I was contemplating dreaming falling asleep just to see Luna’s reaction. “And if I order you to the castle until I am certain you can be trusted?”

I took the lolly out of my mouth and willed it full-sized again as I rolled it between my fingers. “Sorry, but I've got prior engagements for the foreseeable future. Rain check, perhaps?”

Luna’s horn lit in a way I’m certain was meant to be intimidating. “And if I insist?”

“I believe I would need to tell you to go do something rather distressing to your mother on principle.” As Luna glared down at me again I just rolled my eyes. “Lady, I actually know roughly four things about you, and I have even less facts concerning your sister. Given that two of these thing I know is that you're almost as foul tempered as I am when pissed, and that the people I tangled with in Ponyville are apparently buddies of yours, there really isn't a single rational reason I should risk meeting you or yours physically until I’m damn sure this debacle is done and over with.”

Her ears flickered in annoyance, but it seemed clear Luna didn't actually have an argument against my logic. “And the other two things…?”

“You’re apparently a big enough deal around here that people either believe the bullshit you’re sprouting… or that ‘Queen of the Night’ shtick actually has some freakin merit and that would make you the second scariest person I've ever met.” I spat the empty stick into the dark. “Either way, I don’t see any way tangling with you would end well… especially not in conjecture with fact number four.”

“...And that fourth thing is?” Luna asked with barely withheld annoyance.

I gave her a weary look. “You and I have something in common. And it isn't a good thing at that.”

“And that would be what, little wizard?”

“Neither of us are the bowing type.” I remembered slash conjured my little ball of sunshine over my outstretched palm; the light from the small fire-ball lighting the field with a clear, yellow light. “Call me cynical, but I don’t think that fight would be the catalyst to bring out the best in either of us.” I waved my hand quickly through the fire-ball, plunging the place into darkness once more.

Ever had one of those dreams where you just know something? Well, with the certainty of such dream-logic, I know my eyes caught what little light there was oddly when I looked towards Luna. One of those nearly predatory gleams. “I know I am not a nice man when the chips are on the table… but I've managed to keep that dark streak slumbering throughout the years.” I closed my eyes and shuddered slightly. For as long as I could remembered I've had something of a hot-headed streak, and a problem with realizing when it was time to stop…

But that was before I know some of the stuff I now know.

Fires no water may put out, even as they cling...

Winds that blow so cruelly they tear away the very skin…

Storms, called and wiped to a frenzy, until the lightning falls like rain...

The Darkhallow.

Oh God, the Darkhallow.

And there was a part of me… that didn't seem to be that worried if this little debacle went even that far.

“...I’m honestly not certain where my limits are at the moment,” I said in a low voice, half to myself, “and that frankly scares the hell out of me.” I turned my head and refocused on Luna. “One person that would fight the tide given the right incentive to another… please don’t make me find those limits.”

Luna closed her eyes… and I am unsure if it was the lightning, the dream, my imagination, or all those at the same time... but for just the tiniest of moments she was just one shadow among many.

Then she shuddered, and the blue mare stood there once more in the gloom.

“‘tis stronger to always rise, I've heard,” I said softly, “but call me a coward if you must, because I think I’d prefer to never fall.”

To my surprise, Luna actually turned her back on me. “One chance, wizard… and I’ll be keeping a very close eye on the report from the guard.” She turned her head back over her… well, back, and gave me a warning glare. “If I see any reports that say ‘spindly minotaur thing’ or human on them there better be a good reason for it... or you will see me and my sister in our full glory.”

My heart jumped a few beats, but I kept the poker-face going. Could this actually be the end of this damn feud?

...Given whose luck in such matters I’d seemed to have gained as well as the face of… I didn't really feel like betting on it, but I’d give it shot at least. “Doom of Damocles, huh? Fine, but I hope that may be re-negotiated with enough time of me not getting in trouble.”

A man may dream even the utterly improbable, yes?

Luna looked puzzled at the reference for a moment, but just shrugged it off. “Forgive me if I’m not holding my breath. You and your information may be quite the prize… but you’ll be just as big a treasure trove of new knowledge in a nicely warded cell with frequent visits of a counselor.”

I bit back a retort, deciding that right now was not quite the time to push buttons. “Duly noted, Ma’am.”

She tilted her head, clearly not certain if I was being sincere or not. “Oh, and just how did you enter Canterlot?”

I felt quite a big pang of irritation at that. “I walked up to the gates, and filled out the form.” I wiggled both hands high in the air. “Behold! The dark sorcery of bureaucracy!”

Of course I throw my head back and gave off my best cackle after that line. Did you really even need to ask?

Luna narrowed her eyes at me, a stern and unamused expression on her face as she glared my way.

I just rolled my eyes. “It’s almost as if I can actually act civilized when not feeling hounded, or something.” I pulled down my hat over my eyes and folded my hands beneath my head, just to make it crystal clear I considered this thing over. “Now buzz off and let me sleep, before I make it rain cybernetic raptors with laser eyes and lightsaber claws.”

Luna let out a slow breath and I heard her turn. “Is this how you reward getting another chance?”

“No, this is how I react to a ruler who doesn't even seem to blink at performing what’s considered not only a utterly beyond the pale privacy invasion where I’m from, but also a type of torture and plays fucking favorites.” I tipped my hat slightly back and shot the overgrown filly a glare. “Or am I really supposed to believe you've never done this ‘you don’t get to sleep until you see reason’ crap before?”

To my considerable surprise… Luna actually seemed to take the words seriously, judging from her somber tone and expression. “So what would you do then? Should I close my eyes when I see a teacher that dreams vividly of their students, instead of pushing them to seek the counsel of a psychologist? When a young mage dreams of raining fire and thunder down on tormentors… I should do nothing?”

I swear, if there is anything more annoying than feeling tired in your own dreams I have yet to experience it. I reached up to rub the bridge of my nose…

Only to hesitate as I felt the touch of warm metal against my skin. I just had to lift my hand and stare for a few moments on the fingers near covered in my force rings I hadn't even realized I’d kept when I switched out my gear for this illusionist’s outfit.

“...With great power, comes great responsibility, I guess…” I mumbled, as I rested the hand on my chest.

Luna seemed to find that amusing. “I shall admit, I did not expect to hear that line.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. “Seriously? This world has a take on Spider-man?”

“Spider-mare.”

I swatted myself gentle on the forehead. “Of course.” I couldn't quite stop myself from barking out a laugh. “Was always more of a Doctor Strange fan, myself.”

I did not like the gleam in Luna’s eyes when she titled her head at me. “Oh? An earth pony that lost her talent… but gained magic instead? It sounds as if some rather interesting parallels could be read in that, don’t you agree?”

I all but immediately upgraded Luna from ‘Decently Dangerous Annoyance’ to ‘Avoid At All Costs.’ She might have a temper and I still wasn't quite certain what that Nightmare Moon thing was all about... but there most certainly wasn't anything wrong with that brain of hers.

Brains, magic and just a bit of ruthlessness? Dangerous combo, that one.

I barely fought down a small chuckle. Know thyself, and all that…

Must admit, those gleaming cyber raptors were sounding better by the minute. Still, I decided to at least try the more diplomatic solution. “Don’t you have people that can’t ‘twist dreams like a pegasus flies’ whose bad dreams need a good bashing to attend to…?”

I have to admit, my opinion of the mare shot-up quite a bit when that small jab about her duties going unfulfilled actually made Luna twitch more than most of the insults I’d been throwing her way all night had.

“Remember, wizard,” Luna said, as she turned and walked away; the shadows all but washing over her like a cresting wave, “one chance and you will be watched.”

I put my hand to my mouth and shouted after her. “Hey, I have a freakin’ name, you know!”

I couldn't see Luna any more, but a somewhat distant sounding snort made it to my ears. “Several from what I've heard. You actually show enough courage to use one of your real ones and I might actually use it.”

My eyebrow twitched as a rather strong pang of irritation passed over me. “I’m sorry, Luna, I didn't quite catch that… Would the self-proclaimed moon goddess please repeat that for us brief mortals?”

A single echo-y snort… and then this rather subtle but near all-encompassing presence faded.

“Flippin’ finally…” I muttered as I leaned my head back.

Only to involuntarily growl as I spotted a certain something in the sky...

“Luna, actually fuck off, or I’ll punch you straight in the totem.”

The big, glowing full-moon didn't react in any way.

So I put two fingers into my mouth, and let out a wolf whistle. “Sue! Come girl! Come here!”

I couldn't stop myself from chuckling as the ground started shaking slightly.

Thump.

Like something gigantic was coming ever closer.

My suspicions about a certain celestial object were confirmed when Luna’s ugly and rather shocked looking mug appeared on the moon’s surface, staring at something off in the distance. “WHAT MANNER OF ABOMINATION IS THAT?!”

The abomination in question came stomping over a nearby hill; outlined in this blackish green aura of wrongness, spilling both blood and feathers in her wake as Sue the undead T-Rex came stomping towards me.

As the thing towered over me, I reached a hand up. Obediently, Sue lowered her massive head so I could scratch her on her chin; the smooth white feathers flowing between my fingers as I gave her a good scratch.

“Sue?”

The T-Rex in question roared so loud that the air rippled slightly.

With a grin so wide it frankly should have made the top of my head fall off, I pointed to the moon. “Fetch!”

In defiance of near every law of physics and good taste, Sue jumped. The several ton beast just tensed for a single moment, before pushing off and sailing through the air towards Luna who was currently doing a rather satisfying jaw drop.

I wasn't certain if this was some manner of ‘shard’ not strong enough to fight such an overt bop on the nose, or the real Luna proper having fallen into a rather understandable panic… but seeing the moon run screaming back and forth over the heavens with an undead T-Rex in hot pursuit?

I chuckled and rubbed my hands together, as a steaming bag of popcorn popped into existence next to me. Ye gods, I do so love this magic thing!

Still… I had to admit this was a rather poor start to a truce even by ‘Dresden’ standards.

So rather reluctantly I raised my hand and snapped my fingers, making Sue explode into a shower of butterflies mid roar.

Luna, however much or little it really was of her, stopped her moon so suddenly I actually heard this cartoony skidding sound that made my teeth ache.

Then she looked down, with a glare so nasty it actually lit my top-hat on fire.

I absently patted the flames out with a hand. “Please? Before things turn unpleasant again?”

Luna shifted her glare to the swarm of butterflies, causing this rather distressing light-show of tiny falling fireballs I frankly wasn't certain how to feel about. “And calling undead abominations is what, exactly…?” she asked in an icy voice.

I let out a snort and pulled my hat over my eyes. “That bit of grizzly unoriginality? Please, it was only a mental love-tap and you know it. Now please go away and bother somepony that actually appreciates it.”

I just had to sigh as Mt. Big-Blue-Butt exploded at me again; making my ears ache and the grass all around me lay down flat. “BOTHER?! BOTHER?! MY DREAMS ARE NOT A FLIPPING BOTHER!”

I pressed my hat down a bit harder with another sigh. “Fuck it, I’m going deeper.”

Then ignoring Luna’s ranting… I leaned my head back, and dreamed that I fell asleep.

I ‘came to’ sitting in a deckchair on a tropical beach, wearing only a pair of bathing shorts, a tricorne because it amused me, and a huge grin. With a content sigh I leaned back with my hands behind my neck, and just took in the waves and the warm breeze…

My content mood lasted all but five seconds before moon-rise that somehow managed to look angry came gliding over the horizon.

“You did not just go recursive on me! Do you have any idea what an utter headache that is?!”

I turned my head, only to see a scowling Luna in a deckchair of her own that had seemingly appeared together with its mistress from thin air. Still… “So you're saying me dreaming I’m dreaming is a bigger irritation than being hunted by undead dinosaurs?” I asked innocently with a small smile on.

Luna made a face of horror as she realized her mistake. “Don’t you dare!” she commanded, hoof jabbing angrily my way.

With a big grin I pulled my hat down over my eyes again.

I just barely had time to hear an angry inhale before I reopened my eyes to the sight of a desolate mountain top this time. I pulled down the fedora on my head and swept my duster a bit tighter against the raging winds, but I had to admit my subconscious had outdone itself on the view. This gorgeous dusk with stars slowly winking alight as the sky slowly darkened, all while clouds colored various shades of deep purple and fiery orange raced across the sky.

I chuckled softly and plucked a new lollipop from the frozen air; twirling it between my fingers as another moon-rise started rising over the lower-peaks. “This night just might turn out somewhat entertaining anyway…”

1,) Swedish. Literally: “...And thank the gods for that.”
2,) Note from the editor, Xanathar: It's just an historical anecdote with questionable validity that apparently happened several decades before the French Revolution, but poor Luna doesn't knows this. In fact, there is no historical proof that Queen Marie Antoinette said the words at all.

Author's Notes:

And another new editor joins the fray! Go say 'Hi!' to Xanathar as thanks, if you've got the time.

So, I just wrote a chapter were best wizard pimp-slapped best pony with his ring hand, before getting his clock rung by her armored hoof…

Bit exaggerated for comedic effect, but I’m still not sure if I’m proud or mortified with myself.

I’m really happy about managing to crowbar in best undead T-Rex, however. I think it might even be the first appearance of Sue in a FIM fic!

Jokes aside… Björn and Luna in the same room with a license to get nasty at each other without consequences turned out weird. I’d initially imagined this chapter to be almost non-stop dream fighting…

Not flippin’ fisti-cups, dragging the fight into the real world (and back!), and what was basically a nasty debate.

Still, it was in character, and that’s the important bit.

And great artists may steal, but credit where credit is due should still apply in my opinion; the GoogleDoc footnotes doesn't work with FIMFics import systems, so I shamelessly stole how RealityCheck does it in his fics. Go check him out if you haven’t already.

Edit: It has come to my attention that RealityCheck is anti-gay. I do not agree with this, but I have seen no hint so far of this in the actual stories he writes. As long as that does not change, I will still recommend his writings.

I simply think those of you that care slash are effected by this viewpoint deserves to know of it before-hand.

Chapter 6 - Sticks And Stones? Bah, Amateurs....

View Online

I’ll freely admit it, I am enough of an arsehole when pushed that I woke with a smile on my face after that ‘dream.’ I’d personally lost track of how ‘deep’ we’d gone, but man had it been cathartic to see Luna slowly go furiously cross-eyed trying to keep an eye on me.

My content moment didn’t quite last though, since the whole room had this acidic and ozone-y smell to it, and that wasn’t even counting the jagged bit of amethyst that had crawled under my back.

Still, I thought as I grumbled to my feet and out of the bed, it had been a productive night if not a restful one.

I continued to think it over as I grabbed the small bag of supplies and headed for the bathroom. As an afterthought I also emptied out my duster and grabbed my clothes. Might not be quite a full dry-clean, but in my experience a bit of soap and water was at least better than nothing.

On the positive side of things, I’d gotten quite a bit of information between the lines… but on the other hand it had mostly made it painfully clear how limited my lay of the land currently was.

I’d gotten a verbal OK on me being here… but I’d hardly call it a red-carpet. Granted, I got why, but it still irritated me deeply that three random idiots apparently held such sway in these lands.

And then there was Luna…

As I got into the shower and started trying to get rid of the rougher edges the hike had given me, I still couldn’t quite stop a grimace.

Granted, that last bit was helped quite nicely along by the mass of black, purple and yellows my ribs had started looking like. Yeah, something hitting you fast enough you hear bones creak? More or less guaranteed to leave a mark.

Still, I had both a rather decent pain-threshold beforehand, and quite a few new mental tricks I’d gotten in the ‘Harry’ makeover to deal with that well enough to focus on my main distraction.

How had such a spoiled foul-tempered twit gotten ahold of that level of power? ‘Know thyself’ jokes aside, how she’d just reached into my room and presumably all but flicked my defenses aside had me a bit on edge. From what Black had told me about the subject and the near reverence in his tone I doubt he himself had noticed I was fairly certain I could expect near every damn thing associated with the Night to be Luna’s talent…

I had to pause mid lathering as that thought sank in. Just how in all things good and evil do you get a talent in that? Did she start with a knack for stargazing and work herself up, or something? Did she have a cousin that does a Jack Frost thing but with shadows, and stumbled into an internship?

With a grunt I reached for my loofa as I forced the thought aside to the ever-growing mountain of ‘check later’ and instead concentrated on getting clean.

Call me cynical, but I was fairly certain the words “I’m not evul, I swear!” would go over slightly better without the woodsman’s beard and slight hint of rancid sweat.

Cleanliness may or may not be next to godliness, but first impressions are still quite potent stuff... and given how my luck had been so far on that front I wanted every damned edge I could get.

I gave myself an extra round with the overpriced body-scrub I’d brought. Now, roses weren’t quite my thing normally (I prefer lilies) but who has ever heard of the dread wizard going: “Yes! And I shall rule zer world… but smelling like vanilla?! How vulgar! What manner of Evil Genius conquers zer world smelling like vanilla?! Minion! Bring me… zer rose-water! Zer rose-water… of EVIL! Bwahahahaha!”

It doesn’t count if you joke about it!

Anyway, I thought it might give me a slight advantage at least. I wasn’t quite certain how much more important the sense in question was for ponies, but given how Applejack and Rarity had started their investigation by literally sniffing around my campsite I had a suspicion my nose wasn’t very impressive by local standards.

I’d thrown my clothes —minus the duster that I’d simply had hung in hope the humidity would help a bit, since I’d forgotten to get the proper stuff for cleaning leather— into a soak in the sink, and I have to admit I winced slightly when I stepped out of the shower. Given that the water had turned black I frankly thought it a minor miracle I’d been taken serious by a single person yesterday.

Still, nothing to do but roll up my sleeves and get to work; at least if I wanted a clean pair of actual ones.

I had to empty the water three times, but with that and a bit of wringing I finally had something I’d actually consider wearing… even if I had to admit I was rather glad for the summer of this place. I made a mental note to inquire about a tailor’s services as I hung the things…

Before turning back towards the sink, and the bit I’d been least looking forward to.

So I took a deep breath, leaned forward…

And I still flinched slightly as my hand swept the fog on the mirror away, and a stranger stared back.

He wasn’t bad looking by any stretch, but he had too many sharp angles and —despite the paleness his long trek had barely put a dent in— a bit too ‘dark’ looking to be conventionally attractive. It was probably the hair and beard a brown so dark it was nearly black in part that gave that impression… but it was mostly the deep scowl and two dark eyes set so hard that they seemed to nearly be trying to shatter the mirror by just staring at it.

The stranger leaned in and used a slightly trembling hand to gently pry apart the lids over his left eye…

An eye that was still a familiar green to the man’s barely withheld relief… but even if the eyes themselves looked familiar, they’d dropped quite a few shades down in color. As if somebody had taken a few spoonfuls of darkness and just poured it into h- my eyes.

I let out a slow breath I hadn’t even realizing I’d been holding, as my mirror image continued to mimic me.

I guess I must have gotten more rattled than I thought, because I nearly jumped out of my skin as somebody knocked on my bathroom door. I almost had a simple shield ready when Black spoke up. “You in there, Harry?”

I let out a breath… and the power I’d drawn in on reflex. “Please don’t sneak up on me like that, Black.”

Judging from what a careful voice Black spoke in next, he’d noticed the small shift in magic at least. “...Just what almost happened?”

“Me throwing up a shield across the door,” I said with barely withheld irritation. “Come on, I’m a bit twitchy, not cruel and stupid.”

Black let out an awkward laugh that fooled nobody. “...Sorry, Mr. Dresden, but you impressed a dragon with fire yesterday and… Yeah.” He let out a small cough into his hoof from the sound of things, before continuing. “...I’m sorry; my mind just went a few dark places on sensing that magic.”

Have to admit, my irritation melted away at hearing that. “Fine, I’m sorry if I scared you. Just give me a few minutes to finish up, ‘kay? I’ve only got this beard left to fix.”

I got my new bag of personal hygiene stuff and got to work. The hair kit I’d brought had a few too many types of brushes, combs and scissors for my own preferences, but the thing at least came with an old fashioned straight-razor and one of those small brushes for making lather I don’t know the name off.

I got to work as Black plumped down outside the door.

“...What is that horrible smell?” Black asked after a few moments.

“Luna plays hard-ball,” I explained as I carefully scraped my chin clean, “so it’s probably what’s left of my dream-catcher you smell. Just open a window if it bothers you.”

“...What exactly is a ‘dream-catcher?’”

“Small charm that stops ni- bad dreams. It seemed worth a shot when she pulled the ‘you’re not getting away that easy’ card when I pinched myself awake, but as you can see it didn’t work.”

My guide let out a small whistle. “Darn, didn’t think it go that far…”

I hesitated with the knife to my throat in a moment I damn well hoped wasn’t fate trying to tell me something. “...We need to talk about something.”

“...Yes?”

I took a deep breath and put the razor down. “I glossed over something yesterday because I thought it done and over with… but Luna didn’t, to be blunt.”

“...And that would be…?” Black asked in a careful voice.

I just went for broke. “Short version? I all but landed on three morons and had to give them bloody noses to get them to back off. I frankly thought it done and over with, but it’s the reason I came walking into Canterlot.” I just barely stopped myself from gritting my teeth. “And apparently those three morons had connections, and Luna is a bit peeved at the foreign wizard who thumped three acquaintances of hers over the head.”

I felt a slight hope as Black actually winced at those words in what at least sounded like sympathy. “...Well, buck. No offence, Harry, but if you drag me to any gambling dens I don’t think I’m betting on you.”

Had to admit, that got a small chuckle out of me. “Anyway, the important bit is that a certain powerful mare is rather understandably if annoyingly cranky at me, and I basically got told she understood the nasty circumstances… but if she sees my name or mug on as much as a littering ticket she’ll make my life a lot more complicated. Just thought you deserved to know. I seriously doubt anything long-term would come of being the poor bastard that just got hired to be a guide... but I understand if you don’t want to deal with politics and just cut your losses.”

“No offence, Harry…” Black said in a soft voice after a long pause. “...but a few bloody noses don’t sound like something Luna would fix in person.”

I let out a tired sigh as a pang of guilt flashed through me. “I didn’t get many details… but one of my assailants apparently broke her wings badly enough she won’t be flying again anytime soon.”

Black softly went urk with enough conviction I was fairly certain he’d turned a bit green just from the tone of it, but I pressed on. “Wasn’t intentional, but Luna wanted to make sure that…” I was at a loss for words for a few moments while the crunch from my dreams replayed itself in my mind’s ears. “...Well, that it wasn’t intentional, to be blunt.”

“...Was it?” Black asked softly, just like that.

I shuddered so hard some shaving foam went flying. “No!”

“...I’m sorry, Harry, but pegasi wings are rather durable. How exactly did that happen unintentionally?”

My eyes drifted to my force rings, currently just lying by the sink. “You know those rings I’ve got?”

Black let out a hum in confirmation.

“They somehow had a full charge,” I said somberly, “but I thought they were near empty…” Despite how warm the small bathroom was I still shivered again. “What should have been a shove accidentally became a hay-maker, basically.”

“Nasty business…” Black told me in a neutral voice.

“Yeah…”

“...Why didn’t you just stun them?”

I jerked slightly at the simple question.

Black apparently didn’t like how I hesitated from how stern his voice became next. “Harry, I want an answer to that question.”

I decided to just go with it, even if I felt deeply embarrassed and truth be told, more than a bit ashamed. “...Because the only non-lethal spell I really have once in combat is gusts of wind and… Yeah, that doesn’t work that well against people that can, you know, fly.” I absently ran both hands through my still damp hair, trying to keep myself calm. “Something of a blind spot in my bag of tricks I fully intend to fix, but… Well, I don’t have a time-machine.” Something I hadn’t thought of suddenly crystallized for me, making me wince. “That I huffed and puffed a bit after that probably didn’t help, come to think about it.”

“...Huffed and puffed?”

I absently waved him off, despite Black not being able to see it. “Reference to a folktale. Anyway, I kinda played up the ‘big bad wizard’ angle to get them to back off, but they must have thought I was being utterly serious…”

“Ah,” Black said neutrally, “I guess that might have done it…”

“Yeah, not one of my proudest moments… but I’d gotten jumped moments after falling from the sky, and wasn’t actually in the most generous of moods to be blunt. Besides, I tried to walk away even, but the girls dragged me back.”

“...Really?”

I let out an irritated grunt in acknowledgment. “Ever been held up by your legs with telekinesis? I was being quite literal about the dragged part.” I felt my pulse spike and forced myself to take a few slow, even breaths. “And somehow it is my fault, just because Luna dearest apparently takes tea with the twits every odd Tuesday, or whatever.”

I took how Black actually winced at the venom in my words as a subtle hint I needed to calm down further. “Look,” I said, running my hands through my hair again, “I realize this is sudden, but I just want to make sure you get the full picture. You want to walk away, and I won’t stop you.”

I heard Black shift his weight around as he thought it over. “...How complicated are we talking?”

I couldn’t quite stop a sigh of irritation. “The threat was more or less that I won’t be just walking away if another scene like that happens… even if she and her sister have to take a small sabbatical to drag me to their dungeons in person.”

I let out a weary chuckle as that information made Black make a shocking sounding little gasp. “Yeah… I fully intend to avoid that happening… but you don’t chose getting mugged, or whatever, and I sadly have this feeling my word about stuff like that won’t be taken for quite a while.”

Black was silent for long enough I frankly started wonder if he’d walked off; I even had time to both resume and finish my shave before he spoke up again. “I want an actually written contract, including that you’ve told me this and I get to walk away if I so much as don’t like your tablemanners. We clear?”

I winced a bit as I started putting my stuff away, but I had the feeling that this was the best deal I’d get. “Fair enough given the unfortunate circumstances. Anything else?”

To his credit, Black actually thought it over for a few moments. Time which I took advantage of to start struggle into my damp clothes. “I’m sorry, Harry, you seem like a really decent guy, but I need to ask this…”

The comment stung rather deep, but I got it.

“...What exactly are you planning with FB? I’m sorry, but…”

If the last one had stung, then the current question was the equivalent to a knife in the kidneys. I let out a slow sigh and massaged my temples with one hand. “Black, I swear I thought the mess in Ponyville was done and over with. I just spotted a chance concerned these extra shiny rocks I’d stumbled across; that’s the beginning and end of it.” A small thing from yesterday bubbled up in my mind, and I jumped at it. “You said you’ve dabbled despite it being rare among non-unicorns, right? Wouldn’t you jump at a chance to actually talk shop with somebody that takes your skills and talents seriously?”

Interestingly enough, I actually heard how Black tensed. “...What are you implying?”

I threw my duster over my shoulder and walked out, leaving the hygiene stuff in the bathroom. I strode past Black and sunk down on the sofa.

I’d expected suspicion, perhaps even outright hostility...

I did not know what to feel about Black quite clearly… checking me out. “Well, somebody cleans up nicely…”

I felt my cheeks heat by quite a bit. “...Sorry, I’m flattered and I have to admit I’m not quite certain how to feel about sapient ponies galloping about everywhere around here yet… but I’m straight.”

Surprisingly, a stallion sighing and muttering something about “Figures…” didn’t exactly banish the blush I was sporting. Black fluttered over to the other end of the coach, while I pretended to not notice how his eyes lingered on my still damp t-shirt.

“Anyway…” I said, trying to steer things into a slightly less disturbing direction. I pointed to my staff and other magical gear that was still lying in a small if neat heap on the floor. “Does that look like the kind of stuff a species slash country where magic is common would need?”

Black tore his eyes away to stare at my… well, other stuff. “...You did mention you got lucky.”

I couldn’t quite stop a weary chuckle. “Guess how many mages I’d met before coming here.”

Black bit his lip as he thought it over. “...I don’t know, a couple of hundred? You’ve told me magic is rare where you're from, but I don’t actually know enough to even do a proper guess…”

I held up a single finger with a somber expression.

Black just sat still for a few moments… then his eyes near plopped out of their sockets.

I chuckled slightly, but there wasn’t much humor in it. “You understand now why I’m willing to put up with quite a bit of bullshit to learn what’s basically a dead art where I’m from?”

Black frowned a bit, but it seemed he was mostly mentally reeling against trying to grasp what he’d just heard. “...Just for the record, that’s a bit speciesist.”

“Oh?” I said in genuine interest. “A sapient bovine species around here?”

Black nodded, but it seemed he was lost in his own little world at the moment. I let him sit and think it over.

“...Just how do you deal with the weather?” he asked after nearly a quarter of an hour had passed.

“I beg your pardon?”

That small counter question actually made Black focus on me again. “The weather. How do you deal with the weather?”

I shrugged, not really getting the question. “I think there’s something I’m missing here, Black.”

The stallion just gave me a long look as if he was talking with a… well, foal, I guess. “The weather. What do you do with it?”

I leaned my head back against the wall while I thought it over, but I kept just blanking. “...Really not getting what you’re trying to ask, Black. Are you talking about weather-forecast, or something?” That actually made me perk my metaphorical ears. “You’ve got… what, weather scryers instead, or similar?”

Black sucked in a slow breath. “...How do you control the weather?”

That? Now that made me sit up a bit straighter, and I just had to give my guide a look. “No fooling with the foreigner? You guys actually do that?”

I took how Black looked a bit faint as confirmation enough. “You guys let the weather run wild?!”

I tried to wave it off… “If it’s cold, you dress warmly. If a storms coming, you bunker down…”

Judging from the rather uncomfortable (and a bit creepy, to be honest) sight of a pony going bug-eyed… well, it didn’t work. “We’ve got this thing called ‘cloud-seeding’ that can make it rain during the right circumstances,” I explained, “but it’s rather expensive and not something you do very often. That’s more or less it.”

Black frowned slightly as he thought it over. “...Because that… cabal of nag-mounters, or whatever you want to call those so-called ‘mages’ around your parts, charge a premium for it?”

I let out a small chuckle before explaining. “Nah, it’s some type of chemical you spray on the clouds.” I scratched at my now clean-shaven chin as I thought it over. “A pity I don’t know the specifics on that one or it might have been a decent enough peace-offering to give Luna, come to think about it.”

Black frankly looked as if I’d claimed that the secret to immortality is to belch loudly into the faces of strangers once a day, or something. “Wait, what? A non-magical way to make it rain? OK, now I know you’re pulling my leg.”

I jabbed my fingertips together as demonstration. “It’s this powder that somehow causes the clouds to congregate into actual droplets. It’s complicated, expensive and time-consuming, but it’s good for clear skies during sporting events and similar.” I let out an irritated sigh. “Sadly I don’t know the formula, so you’re going to have to take my word for it.”

Black’s wings kept twitching as he thought my words over. “...Do you think that would work on a cloud city?” he finally asked in a low voice.

I had to do a double take at that. “You guys have what?”

I got another ‘oh right, he’s completely fresh of the boat’ look before Black just shrugged and explained. “We pegasi have weather magic.” He snapped the prongs on his wings almost like fingers, and to my surprise a small zap of lightning actually danced between the ‘fingers’ for a few moments. “You remember how I mentioned cloud-beds last night? Like that, but entire buildings.”

I leaned my head back and thought it over from a human perspective. This chemical you could spray and make entire cities just melt away…

I shivered slightly as the connection actually formed. Ye gods and little fishes, no wonder Black had seemed a bit put off by the concept. Given how the average city-slicker panics at a lengthy blackout I wasn’t certain I wanted to know how quickly the casualties would mount if a city melter was ever developed.

“Yeah…” I said in a slow and carefully voice. “Perhaps it’s just as well I don’t know that formula in that case.” I let out a small laugh as a thought came over me. I held up my hands and gave Black a wide-eyed and innocent looking face. “I’m not evul, Luna! I swear! Oh, and here’s a weapon of mass property destruction to prove it!”

Despite how freaked out he was, Black couldn't quite stop a nervous couple of giggles from forcing themselves out. “Yeah, I don’t think that would have gone over well!"

Despite the humor in the moment, I still had to wince a bit. “Yeah, but I think it’s becoming clearer and clearer I need a bit of the basics about how near everything works around here.” I leaned down and started sorting out what I should be leaving behind and taking with me. I froze with my hand over my gun. “...Just what are the local laws about firearms?”

A spark of recognition lit as Black’s eyes widened a bit. “...Damn, that’s what that is?” My guide lowered his voice and put a hoof to his mouth before continuing. “Try to keep it quiet, but there really aren’t any laws about them around here.”

I blanched slightly. “What?!”

Black pointed a hoof meaningfully towards the floor and hushed me before continuing in the same quiet voice. “Because the gryphons keep such a tight leash on their monopoly there really isn’t a point.”

I massaged my temples again as I thought the revelation over. So on one hand I had two weapons so rare they were all but unknown on these shores, and as a result wouldn’t need to worry about concealed carry laws or similar…

But on the other, that meant I had two bits of what just might be a black-marketer's wet-dream just sitting quietly in my rented room.

A groan forced its way out of me. “Freakin’ fantastic, another source of headaches…”

Well, I might have an attitude against authority figures… but the citizens of this town hadn’t done anything to earn my ire, and I’d frankly rather not risk anything.

I turned to my guide. “You think they’ll be safe here, or should I just carry them around until I can arrange a safety-deposit box, or something?”

Black hesitated, but I got a slow nod. “I’d put up the no-service sign just to be sure, but shouldn’t be a problem. Rose is a solid gal and runs a tight ship.”

I suddenly got an idea looking at my duster. “...Hey, the reason shadow gems are frowned on is because they help in… well, shady stuff?”

Black tilted his head at me in a rather equine looking fashion, if with an equally human looking frown of puzzlement on. “...Sure?”

Now, thanks to me blowing up those poor bugs earlier the whole room was a bit murky. There was a rather decently sized window, but that still left quite a few pools of shadows around…

I fished around in my hat until I felt my hand close around the strangely cold shadow onyx. I took a moment to wave towards the door. “Might want to take a step out, just in case.”

I got a raised eyebrow for that one. “...Why?”

I started shuffling over all the weapons and their ammo into a neat pile by the sofa, while stuffing the rest of my gear into their various pockets. “Because I’ve never used one of these magical gems as a focus before, and just in case the thing I’m intending to try blows the thing up in my hand…”

Black stuck his tongue out in a grimace.

I shrugged slightly, while beginning to working out in my head just what I wanted to do. “Yeah, a reason I’m going for the shadow gem instead of the fire one.” I made a grimace. “And especially the water one.”

Black froze halfway to the door with one leg in the air, before turning and giving me a puzzled look. “...OK, I get the fire one...”

I made another face. “Water is a force of entropy and change, as well as rejuvenation and life.” I mimed using a pair of scissors with my free hand. “That, and enough water pressure will cut steel like a knife through clay. Trust me; water is one of those forces that turn nasty if you lose control with enough of it.”

I rolled my eyes as my guide mostly kept giving me a doubting look. “Black, you’re thinking calm lakes and bubbling brooks, while I’m talking slow dripping wearing down mountains… or the tsunami that washes them away.” The city-boy in question still didn’t seem convinced, but I mostly mentally shrugged and moved on. “Anyway, the point was that I’m in no great hurry to expand my horizons in that field unless an opportunity presents itself; the line between safe but useless, compared to dangerous but useful is just way too fuzzy for my taste.”

I took the opportunity while Black frowned and thought it over to continue working out the new spell I was working on.

“...If you're so worried about… collateral I guess for lack of a better word…”

“Why the fascination with fire?” I finished for him.

Black gave me a rather hard nod.

“I got a curriculum, you could call it. Not all of it pleasant… but them’s the breaks.” My mind drifted back to the amulet, currently safe (if fuming) in my pocket. Would I actually have picked her up, had I known the price and reward of it? I honestly couldn’t answer that at the moment. “I could learn all of it... or none of it, basically. One of the few strings attached, and I can’t say I mind it that much.”

Black frowned for a few moments. “You’re not getting away that easy, Harry. Fine, nice try, but why did your teacher insist on that level of fire magic, then?”

Bugger. Really thought I might have gotten out of having this conversation...

I sat back for a moment, thinking over how to phrase my explanation in a way that didn’t involve me sounding like a madman that got an insanely rare mixed blessing. “Slightest chance I could just say the mundane utility of it makes it worth the hassle, and leave it at that…?”

Black gave me a slow shake with his shoulders set hard, and his lips a line.

“Fine.” Sadly, I actually knew a why. “I’ve got an answer for that… but you won’t like it.”

“Try me.”

“Fear.” I turned my head and looked him in the eye for just a moment. Not long enough for a soulgaze, but long enough to get my point across. “Even most of the foulest and most corrupt things get a bit scared when the burst of flame go flying.”

I felt a unfamiliarly familiar tingle, and forced my gaze away from the wide-eyed stallion. Damn, so I actually had that crap? Oh well…

“Not very nice, I know,” I continued in an even lecture to lessen the impact a bit, “but fire is also a purifying force. Fire doesn’t care if you're a virgin nun that reads bedtime stories to orphans all day, or a dark lord that eats the souls of kittens like snacks; fire just burns. That and how it also illuminates makes it one of the more potent forces for pure combat since many of the nastier types of critters draws strength from darkness, be it tactically or literally”

Even with my back turned, the silence was near deafening for a few moments. “...Look,” I said in a kind voice after some contemplation, “I hope to expand my horizons and become better than that, but at the moment I’m basically a…” I had to stop for a few moments as a rather decent wave of irritation swept over me, tying my tongue up for a bit. “...I want to say ‘battle-mage that knows a few extra tricks’ but I fear that’s a bit too grandiose. Remember how I said I didn’t exactly get much choice regarding master? I’d like to believe I’ve set out on the road to greatness and that mostly good things will flow from it… but it sadly started with learning a few knife-fighting tricks in a dark alley, metaphorically speaking.”

I kept it mostly internally, but a wave of irritation flashed over me. Again, it could have been a great artisan or something, but no…

I shook my head to clear it. That particular trip down memory-lane had too much blood in it for my current tastes. Good riddance to it all.

“...I have to admit, Harry,” Black said in a slow and carefully voice, “I’m not really seeing why you respect that teacher of yours. At all.”

I chuckled a bit dryly at that. “I did say I have every intention of kneeing him in the groin on principle, right?”

“...Still, even so.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, thinking over how much I wanted to tell…

But fuck it. Black had been a decent sort so far, and I didn’t see much reason to hide anything so basic from him. “...Any secrets or techniques lost to time around here? Some alloy with nice properties, some text of philosophy, a spell that does something really impressive… Something so big and outrightly wondrous, that its rediscovery would send splashes all around the world. Anything of that nature?”

I heard the ruffling as Black presumably scratched his head. “...What, like how the Elements resurfaced in the nick of time a few years ago?”

I looked back over my shoulder with one eyebrow raised. “...Elements?”

I swear, Black’s jaw all but dislocated and landed by his hooves.

I did my best to tilt my head, but the awkward angle didn’t help. “...Not the classical five, by any chance? Or the eastern ones?”

Black went a bit cross eyed. “Five?!”

I put the shadow gem down on the floor and started counting on my fingers. “In western philosophy it was for a long time held that all things are made up of the five elements. Water for all things cold and wet; earth for all things wet but dry; air for things wet but hot; fire for things dry but hot; and finally Aether for the divine or magic, where in all the other elements exist in balance.” I thought it over for a moment, but I sadly had to simply shrug. “I know the eastern system uses fire, water, earth, metal and wood in its most common configuration, but I sadly don’t know the justification for that one by heart.” I picked up the gem and held it over my shoulder. “Not true on the purely physical level, of course… but then again darkness is supposedly only the lack of light and yet I’m holding this beauty. Things get interestingly fluid the moment magic enters the picture.”

I flicked the gem onto the floor, noting with interest it actually left a black trail momentarily in the air.

The room was silent for so long I actually wondered if Black had left, but I hadn’t heard the door open. So I scooted around, only to see Black with his jaw still near the floor, and this look of utter bafflement on his face.

I sat there with my legs and arms crossed, and gave him a level look. “We’re not actually having the same conversation, are we?”

That actually snapped Black out of it, making him massage his temples with both hooves. “...The Elements of Harmony are the physical manifestation of the friendship between pon- people, and the strongest force we have for good.”

I eyed Black for a few moments, but from how calmly he met my gaze (even if his tale was lashing quite a bit) it seemed I was not having my leg pulled. Instead, it seemed shockingly enough as I was being elucidated on the local belief system. “I see.” I barely managed in a level voice.

Black seemed slightly irritated with my… well, utter bafflement to be blunt, but he took a deep breath and continued on at a steady lecture. “They are Generosity, Kindness, Loyalty, Laughter and Honesty, and when they come together they create Magic, the greatest of the Elements. And as long as you keep those in mind and try to live by them, you will never lose that spark.”

I continued my attempt to find any sign of being messed with, but Black just glared me down. “...So your telling me… that friendship is magic?”

Black let out a slow breath, as if talking with somebody slow and trying to keep his temper in check. “Yes,” he deadpanned.

“And we’re talking magic magic, as in actual magic,” I continued with my hands extended in front of me as if holding something, trying to wrap my head around the whole thing, “not some wishy-washy philosophy thingamajig where it’s all this clever metaphor for the proper use of power only the wisest or most intoxicated of ponies would ever dream up…?”

Black let out another slow breath but through the side of his mouth this time, making his ashen mane dance around a bit. “Yes,” he continued still at a deadpan, “friendship is indeed, magic magic.”

I resisted the rather unconstructive part of myself that simply wanted to lay down, roll around and laugh hysterically until I ran out of breath. Instead, I leaned my head back and actually thought it over.

At least that line about Honesty explained a bit about why Luna had shown rather atypical tolerance for my anti-authoritarian streak. If honesty really was some type of guiding virtue in these parts, it would go rather far in explaining just why I hadn’t woken up by an entire squad of her finest knocking down my door after all the lip I’d given her.

But still, magic being friendship manifested? It was… odd, I’ll grant the philosophy that.

Magic. One of the most potent forces in existence.

Something that can sunder mountains, tear the sky in two, bridge the gap between very worlds, call forth beings of such terrible purity and foulness that the ground quakes in their presence.

A tool of such wonder and ruin that many thought it sacrilege for any but the gods to even attempt to wield it

The one thing that can conquer death itself…

And that force, was apparently friendship.

I couldn’t quite stop a small chuckle, but I had this goofy grin on so I don’t think it quite counted. “Heh, that has to be the sweetest and corniest thing I’ve ever heard….”

I flinched slightly as one of those small pillows from my bed bounced of my head just as I looked down.

I spread my hand and fed some power into the shield bracelet as the next twelve came whistling. “Come on, Black. It’s a nice enough sentiment, but you have to admit it is rather corny.”

Black just let out a snort and redoubled his efforts, but I was more interested in how he was throwing those balls. Just like how I’d seen there appearing a pale nimbus whenever Rarity, Luna or Twi had cast a spell, so it was for Black as he pelted my thin shield with ball after ball. The only big difference was that Black’s blue nimbus was around his wings, instead of a horn.

I let out a low hum of interest as Black got fancy and nabbed a ball mid bounce. “That’s the levitation thing the unicorns seem so fond of?”

Black actually lost his concentration and blinked at me; the seven balls he had in the air dropping to the ground as the aura winked out. “Come on!” he said, jabbing a hoof at me. “I can understand cloudwalking, because that spell is a nag and a half to cast… but are you really telling me you don’t know how to levitate something?!”

I let out a snort of my own as I let my shield fall. “Actually, I know a levitation spell… but last time I used it near a pegasus she went from cerulean to green.” I mimed throwing a punch. “...And then her two other friends jumped me.”

Black blinked sheepishly at me. “Oh.”

I tilted my head as my eyes lingered on one of the balls. “...If I show you it, could you tell me just what’s so bothersome? It’s a longshot, but I might just be able to lessen or even eliminate… whatever it is.”

My guide hesitated for a moment, before shrugging. “Fine.”

I reached over and grabbed my blasting rod, before pointing it at one of the balls. “Veni Che.”

Slowly, since I hadn’t put that much magic into the spell, the ball rose into the air on a cushion of winds until it rested at pony eye height.

The effect on Black was sadly much quicker. I dispelled the small spell as quickly as I could, but not before his wings shot outstretched, and a gagging sound wretched itself out of Black’s throat.

I winced slightly and made sure to drop my rod. “...That bad?”

Black forced himself to swallow something I wasn’t quite certain I wanted to know about, and gave me a nod while looking pale.

I pointed with my rod towards the bathroom. “You go get some water; I’ll wait.”

As Black stumbled into the bathroom, I leaned my head back and thought it over. Dammit all, of all schools of magic, it had to be the one I’m decently comfortable using without invocations. On the other hand, the whole thing basically having a side effect of making pegasi nauseous might be a bonus in a fight, but that didn’t exactly help with any non-combat applications.

Black came stumbling out of the bathroom on shaky legs and gave me a slight glare. “I’m going to be honest, Harry. I now get why three ponies tried to buck you in the face.”

I smiled bitterly at him with my hand resting against the side of my head. “Wanna guess what school of evocation I know the most non-combat stuff in?”

Black made a face again, but he quickly got his expression under control. “...That’s a fancy word for combat magic, or something?”

I raised my other hand and made a so-so gesture. “The calling and directing of forces, so kind of, but not only that type of stuff.”

My guide tilted his head and thought it over. “...Like how being able to make a ton of even temporary sulphuric acid appear is the type of stuff certain industries will pay a premium for, but quite a few are going to wonder just what you have in the basement?”

I have to admit, I had to make a small grimace at that cheery mental image. “I’d gone with how easy getting a cooking fire going is when you can just snap your fingers for it, but sure.” I tilted my head. “...There are really ponies with acid conjuring as a special talent?”

A rustling sound filled the air as Black shrugged his wings. “More along the vein of unicorns with chemistry or alchemy cutie marks their magic aids in, but you get the gist. I was just exaggerating for dramatic effect.”

“...So the one ton of acid from nowhere example would be… what, one of those industry big-leagues that can more or less demand their own wage?”

“...Sure, why not?” Black fidgeted slightly. “But can we please stop talking about acid from nowhere? It’s making me uncomfortable.”

“Fine, fine,” I said, before pointing at the ball I’d tried levitated. “So, just what’s —if you pardon the pun— up with pegasi and my wind spells?”

I took how Black had to steel himself slightly at the memory as a bad sign. “Look, it’s more complicated than that and you’ll find any of the three tribes represented in nearly all professions nowadays, but historically there’s been something of a divide in certain skills…”

I flared my hands and mimed flapping them near my shoulders. “Not many earth ponies doing weather or in the fashion industry, that kind of thing?”

Black blinked at me. “Actually, the fashion industry is nearly dominated by earth ponies. What gave you that idea?”

I did a double take on that. “...Really?” I scratched my chin as I thought it over. “Have to admit, I just assumed since unicorns have their horns, and you pegasi have those strangely dexterous wings of yours, that any earth pony with just hooves would be at a severe disadvantage in any industry requiring something as fiddly as needlework…”

“Getting to it…” Black flared his wings for emphasis. “Anyway, we pegasi have our wings and the connection to the weather and sky, the unicorns have the best control and overt magic, and earth ponies gets a slew of minor but rather nifty boosts through their connection with the… well, I won’t insult your intelligence with that last one.”

I chuckled softly as I made mental note of all the information I was getting. “...So, farming, weather control and anything magic related. That’s the traditional divide around here?”

“Very simplified way to look at it, but sure…” Black tilted his head at me. “So how does it work in your world?”

I had to lean back a bit as that bombshell burst open. “...Figured it out, huh?”

Black pointed out the window. “No offence, but Equestria is kinda a big deal on this globe. I could have maybe swallowed if a sea serpent or mer-pony that had somehow dragged their way this far inland were this clueless, but not anybody that actually walked in through the gates.”

So Equestria was, or its inhabitants at least thought so themselves, a superpower? Lovely, even more complications…

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose for a few moments. “...Sorry about the half-truths, but where I’m from claiming you’re from another world is a sure way to get sanctioned to a mental hospital. That and… well, I had three rather looming reasons I didn’t think that claim would end well.”

“So what really happened?” Black said in a even if firm voice.

I waved him off. “Replace the word ‘teleport’ with ‘freaky one way gate thingy’ in what I told you yesterday. That’s it.”

I felt a pang of irritation as Black gave me a disbelieving look. “This big black hole opened up, and when I came out I was a couple of kilometers up.” I jerked my head towards the ball I’d levitated before. “Wanna guess how I needed to slow my descent as to not splat?”

Black took one long look at the ball, then at me… and shivered so badly I swear I saw a few feathers drift away.

“Care to tell me just what’s so bad…?”

Black took a few moments to collect his thoughts. “...Look, I consider myself a well-traveled stallion, and I’ve been in a few places you frankly void your life-insurance for entering. Even done a trip or two into the Everfree.” He pointed a hoof towards the ball. “The thing is, that this is Canterlot. The weather around here is so whipped in line you don’t even get a draft without paying a weather-tech to set it up. And that? That felt just like wild weather, just with the added creeptacular bonus of something clearly guiding it.”

I tried to think up how to put it in my own terms. “...So, basically like just sitting by a campfire all nice and cozy… and suddenly the flames form a face and it winks at you? There about in creep factor?”

Black gave me a long look. “...What is it with you and fire?”

“What? It’s a highly useful and pretty element with many practical applications... and the slight downside that it will eat your face if you aren’t careful and treat it with the respect such forces deserve. Using fire metaphors when talking about magic makes perfect sense.”

Black grumbled a bit, but it seemed as if he didn’t exactly have a counter.

We were however somewhat distracted by what seemed to be a localized earthquake.

I put a hand on the black hole I’d barely noticed in my stomach and let out a small wince. “Perhaps we should postpone further philosophizing until after I’ve had chance to what passes for Equestrian cuisine?”

Black gave the small satchel charge in my tummy a funny look.

I waved him off as I struggled to my feet. “I don’t have quite as crazy a broad diet as dragons seems to have, and we humans are rubbish at cellulose… but if nothing else fruit should be fine short-term at least, if that’s what you're looking worried about.”

Black tilted his quite a bit less worried mug at me. “...Cellulose?”

“Leaves, grass… That type of green stuff, if it matters.” I explained as I changed my mind and hoisted the Winchester onto my back. “Oh, and on second thought let’s actually find something with a lock for this bad-boy.”

My guide thought it over while I refilled my pockets, but he seemingly lost his train of thought as I started rifling through my bed. “...Why were you sleeping with your gems?”

“It’s called crystal healing,” I explained. “Short version, gems have a power slash energy to them. Amethyst against bad dreams, diamonds for purity… stuff like that. It’s a bit too pricey for me to have tried it before, but given the dream assault I was under yesterday I thought it was worth a try…”

Black let out a small snort, but I was distracted. I reached down, to right about where I’d been resting the night before…

And my hand came up with what had been an amethyst almost the size of my fingers. The thing had turned black and cracked, as if somebody had tried roasting it in an oven or something. In fact, the only reason I even recognized it as an amethyst at all was a few spots of the gem’s original color near the edges.

I gave it an experimental poke, only for half the thing to collapse into black dust at my touch. I just had to let out a small whistle. “Damn, that Luna girl plays hardball. I didn’t even know you could burn gems out like this.”

“Yes, Princess Luna is indeed, quite strong…” Black corrected me rather tartly. “It’s almost as if she’s an alicorn, or something.”

I paused with my index finger mid-tap on the ruined gem; my thoughts about what use these ‘ruined’ gems might be put disrupted for now. “...Seriously? Is ‘winged unicorn’ really so big a mouthful misusing another term becomes needed?”

Black blinked at me for a few moments until it clicked. “...Oh, you mean the horn thing? Think it’s supposed to be symbolic or something, but you’d need to ask a historian.”

“Just seems intellectually lazy to me,” I continued as I finished up gathering my stuff. “That, and isn’t it rather insulting to have the paragons of your species name-associated with anatomy unique to one tribe?”

Black grumbled a bit in that ‘I absolutely agree, but it isn’t politically correct to say that outloud’ way, so I dropped the subject as we headed out.

My personal misgivings about a chef that doesn’t wear pants aside, Rose did indeed seem to be quite a decent breakfast cook. As a bonus the young gryphoness was quite understanding about the whole ‘no hay thing.’

A bowl of rice porridge with lots of sugar and cinnamon later, and I felt vaguely human again.

Two, and I’d go so far as call myself capable of civilized interaction without grunting and pointing.

Three? Well, by then I most certainly had learned a very valuable lesson about casting on a empty stomach.

By the fourth both Black and Rose were giving me funny looks hard enough I had to put my spoon down and give the slightly worried looking gryphon a smile. “Thank you, Ma’am.”

Rose chuckled and balanced on her hind legs as she collected the plate. “No problem, kid.” The gryphoness raised an eyebrow my way as she hobbled away with the dishes. “Special occasion, or should I scream and put up the ‘closed’ sign next time I see one of you guys…?”

I made a grimace as I reached for the surest sign yet this wasn’t a hell dimension. “Took an accidental short-cut through what must have been cockatrice nesting grounds, or something.”

Rose nearly dropped the plate as her whole body jerked in shock, but she got it under control and hurried off.

I inhaled the cup of coffee and let out a sigh of bliss before continuing. “Had to do quite a bit of spell slinging to get the things to back off, yes.”

Black who’d gone with something rather grisly looking things called ‘hay fries’ and a cup of his own, paused mid sip with a frown. “...Harry, cockatrices are magic eaters. I’m not calling you a liar, or anything, but...”

I blanked for a moment as a few things suddenly clicked hard enough to make me face palm. “Oh, so that’s why the things kept popping up like a freakin’ conga-line…” I let out a snort as I poured myself a second cup. “Still, most of them got the hint with a single whiff of flame; there were just a lot of the disturbing things.”

Black winced slightly and put his cup down.

I pointedly extended an index finger and pointed to the side of him. “Come on, I’m not heartless.” I let the ‘hammer’ drop for emphasis. “But if it’s eat or be eaten, I’m frankly not holding back; especially not against an animal you can’t reason with.”

I hid a sigh with another sip of coffee as Black’s fidgeting told me quite clearly how uncomfortable he was with fire in a combat style. “How about this?” I said in a kind voice as I put down the cup. “First book one of those ‘magic management’ things so I won’t cause any more bug splattering, second whatever goes for ‘the big-book of sub-lethal combat,’ or whatever it’s called. Deal? “

Black paused for a moment. “...Don’t you mean non-lethal?”

I was just about to say ‘no such thing’ when it occurred to me that there might actually be such a thing with freakin’ magic in the picture. “Let’s just call it a small cultural difference and move on, shall we?”

“Come on,” Black said rather firmly, “I’ve listened so far, right? Just tell me.”

This time I didn’t hide the sigh. “Accidents happen even with the best of intentions. That’s it.”

Black raised an eyebrow and made air-quotes of all things at me. “‘Accidents?’”

I rolled my eyes. “You stun somebody, but they fall head-first on a rock, or the poor bastard swells in just the wrong way after being held down and stops breathing. That kind of stuff.” Even I had to make a grimace by now. “Can we please move on and switch subjects? I’m all for acknowledging that there is more to magic than pretty lights and shiny wonders, but this is getting depressing.”

It seemed Black wasn’t very happy with my answers, but at least he dropped it.

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, just sipping our cups. Aside from the still rather surreal part about doing it with a pegasus in an inn owned by a gryphoness… Rather restful, actually.

Just calm and relaxing…

Nothing wrong, what-so-ever.

“...Harry, why are you frowning like that?”

I forced myself to lower my shoulders and stop glaring into the shadows. “Sorry,” I apologized, “it’s just been one of those weeks where everything turns sideways as soon as it goes quiet.”

“So…” Black said with an innocent smile on, “you’re telling me that it’s too qu-”

I shushed him with a glare. “Please, don’t tempt fate like that.”

Black just chuckled while I all but expected a horde of undead rats to burst out of the walls, or whatever.

I had to rest my head in my hands as I actually got genuinely surprised when no screaming started up. “Ye gods, do I need to unwind…”

“...So,” Black said in a kind voice, “what’s the plan?”

I raised my head and just blinked at the stallion for a few moments. “...Plan?”

Black just looked at me over his cup, as if the union of village idiots had just rejected my application for being too overqualified for the position.

I suddenly felt very, very, very stupid. So stupid in fact, that the only response I had was to lean my head back with a goofy grin and laugh bitterly at myself. “...Having one of those would be kind of a bonus, huh?”

Black’s hoof met his forehead with a soft pat.

I leaned my head further back as I thought things over; something I frankly should have done days ago. Granted, involuntarily dimensional travel and being haunted by monsters are a decent distraction… but still, I had to admit I felt worthy of quite the dunce-cap at the moment.

So… Phenomenal cosmic power. Without the itty-bitty living space thingamajig bother, at that.

The power of wonder and ruin in my grasp, without needing to carry around a silly looking lead-pipe with a handle.

And I was in a land of such potential and power that its local libraries hold grimoires, with near all its myriad roads and paths laid open before me.

Now freaking what do I actually do with all that potential?

I’d considered myself a scholar (or at least, a would-be one) for years, so the concept of delving into a new field of knowledge was nearly enough on its own to make me giddy. That field being magic? ‘Doubly so’ frankly didn’t give the near euphoria I’d been riding even nearly justice…

But that was somewhat the problem. I’d so far been reacting to circumstances, not dictating my own path. I didn’t like to admit it, but I’d more or less been flip-flopping between ‘OH MY GOD! MAGIC IS REAL! SQUEE!’, ‘Wow, this place is weird!’ and ‘How dare that prismatic prick cause me this much trouble with the fight she started?”

I’m no shrink, but ping-ponging between Awe, Fury and Tourist like some type of steroid using opium-den diver with a cellar fetish? Didn’t sound healthy long-term, and it most certainly wasn’t what I’d call a decent motivation.

I was momentarily distracted by another soft pat from my guide’s side of the table. “Oh Harmony, you weren’t kidding…”

I hushed him without even opening my eyes. “Please, I’m thinking. Let the poor hamster run without interruptions despite how squeaky the wheel may be, ‘kay?”

Black bit back a snort and went back to his coffee, letting me continue.

Long term it was rather obvious. Find a way home, preferably a two-way one, and avoid any complications that might interrupt my studies.

But short and medium-term?

Did it matter if I only manage to find another one-way trip? Three idiots and one misguided fool aside, I’d already met some nifty people on these shores, and Equestria itself was simply beautiful. A bit dangerous perhaps, but a place of wonders and great things, nonetheless.

My store, family and my friends aside, I didn’t have what I’d call many things calling me back on Earth. Not anything I’d consider important compared to what I might gain here, anyway. Sure, I was already missing Peter, Mark and David, and how I’d been cast dimensionally adrift without a chance of saying goodbye was one of the big reasons why I planned to knee a certain smirking wizard in the groin one day…

But compared to having gained magic? Hell, I knew the gang would understand… As long as they didn’t think I had gone loony, that is.

I consider myself a seeker of knowledge… and what is magic, but knowing how to use that knowledge to seek even more? To know things with such certainty, that reality itself bows to that insight?

My hand sought its own path to my face. It wasn’t an eye… but surely having found my own well of Mimer was worth the sacrifice of not recognizing my reflection for a while?

Granted, that same knowledge might just allow me have the metaphorical cake and eat it too… Transmutation may be advanced magic according to what I know… but that knowledge had already proven itself faulty. For all I actually know on the subject I might be able to dance between shapes with a bit of practice now that I had magic.

Including changing back my face.

...But did I want that? The face I had right now wasn’t a bad one, it just wasn’t the one I was used to. Did I really want to use that much time and effort just to see my crow’s feet again? Especially when this one was how everypony I’ve actually met in this place I might be stuck knows me under?

Everypony…

A thought came over as I drummed my fingers against my lap. “Hey, Black?”

“Yes?”

“Just what type of shapeshifting magic does this place have?”

Something hot and sticky hit me in the face, making me yelp and fall backwards. On near autopilot I rolled quickly to my side to get away from whatever had just attacked me.

I thrust the arm up, spread the fingers of the hand with my shield-bracelet and willed forth a half-dome of force.

I didn’t even register the scent of coffee near filling my nostrils until after I was halfway done wiping the stuff out of my eyes with my other hand.

As Black spluttered, Rose came running along as well, but she stopped as she saw my shield.

Slightly reluctantly I lowered my hand and let the shield dissipate. “...You’re getting any air, Black?”

The stallion looked a bit pale and was still coughing a bit, but he gave me a shaky nod.

I forced myself to lower my arm and the shield despite how my heart was sitting in my throat. I did however need to take quite a few deep breaths before I could sit up again. “Let me guess…” I said sardonically. “I just asked about what’s considered one of the nasty ones, right?”

I got a few mixed signals as Black wouldn't look me in the eye, but still took the time to throw me a few paper towels. I fought down a grumble about being clean for a whole hour or so, and instead wiped myself off while Black fidgeted.

“...No, personal hang-up,” he finally said after a minute or two of having his eyes glued to the floor. “Oh, and sorry.”

“No problem, no harm done,” I grumbled out.

Black took a deep breath. “There was an… invasion here a few years back. You’ve heard about changelings, yet?”

I shook my head. “I heard the name by the gates, but nothing else.”

To my surprise, Black actually had to rest his head in his hooves and center himself slightly. “...Emotional eating shapeshifters. They tried to grab the town a few years ago and…” We were early enough that it was only me, Black and Rose in the small dining room… but I still had a feeling Black’s gulp would have been heard even if it had been dinner-time. “...I’m sorry, I… I don’t want to talk about it.”

Me and Rose shared a look, before I got to my feet.

She hurried over to me on clicking claws as I went over to the nearest waste-bin to dispose of the towels.

Wordlessly, I nodded towards Black.

I took how the gryphoness winced and wringed her talons as a bad sign. “...I don’t know any details… but my aunt used to run this place two years ago, if you get the hint. She made it out, but…” Rose let out a breath that whistled slightly through her beak. “Let’s say she’s retired, went back to Prance and don’t want to talk about why, OK?”

I ignored the horrible geography pun, and opted instead to give the still form of Black a long look. The dude had given me the impression of being a tough bastard. He was hardly the first guide I’d ever hired, and I’d gotten the drift that he was one of those that will take you near everywhere. Well, anywhere as long as there were enough zeros on the check, that is…

I forced myself to look away. One of those tough-guys just shy of hyperventilating with his head in his hooves? Yeah, a bit sad and distressing.

So just what had rattled him this badly? “So, what’s a changeling?” I whispered to Rose.

I took it as a really bad sign when the gryphoness shivered, and had near every hair and feather stand on end. “These black hairless ponies with bug-wings, creepy eyes and holes everywhere.” Rose held her claws with two talons pointing down next to her beak, miming snarling at me with ‘fangs’ bared. “Don’t know the details on how or why, but they apparently eat love of all darn things.” Rose let her claws drop to the floor again as she gave one of those ruffling shrugs with her wings. “Big state-wedding, invasion… you do the math.” She lowered her voice and gave the now almost collected Black a small nod; with eyes filled with enough compassion and worry it frankly looked slightly out of place on somebody with so many predatory features. “Heard they grabbed some folks and stuck ‘em into these creepy cocoons for who knows what reason. Might be what happened to poor Blackie over there.”

I let out a low hum as I thought it over. They most certainly didn’t sound like the changelings I knew of from folklore (or for that matter, the Dresden Files), I could say that much.

Black’s voice made me turn around. “Look, I’ve just got a phobia, ‘kay?” he said between clenched teeth and with closed eyes; his whole body shivering slightly. “I got… grabbed, and I’ve… I just can't talk about changelings, please?”

I gave a slow nod; mostly to myself since I don’t think Black was in a state of mind to notice it. It had never happened to me with anything supernatural… but when a monster drags you into a dark alley? It just isn’t quite the same person that crawls out, even if you manage that feat.

I fought down a shiver despite the heat of my duster, and stomped hard on the memories trying to well up. The bad ol’ days were gone and good riddance to ‘em.

The sound of a fire-alarm broke us out of it. Rose let out a squawk that would have been rather humorous in any other situation and hurried to the kitchen.

Both Rose and Black twitched as I used a quick gust of wind to grab my staff. “Wait here for as long as you can,” I ordered my guide with a meaningful look towards the Winchester. From the face he made it seemed he liked it almost as much as my bit of air magic, but to Black’s credit he just scowled and sat down again.

I had to do a double take on entering the kitchen. Aside from the (admittedly, only to me) fun-size scale of the whole thing it just looked so… modern. Steel, chrome and ceramic... that type of stuff. Hell, if it wasn’t for the ‘pyreflies’ lights on the ceiling and how none of the appliances seemed to have cords? It might as well have been a scale-model of a kitchen from back on Earth

It seemed the kitchen was understaffed, because aside from a rather scrawny gryphon with the same grey colors as Rose but male and much younger, and an older earth pony in a chef’s hat plus coat, the place was empty.

I got out of the way as the younger gryphon raced out with a slightly panicked expression, but I had to admit I didn’t feel very worried. The chef —a rather distinguished looking fellow with mustard yellow mane, a carefully waxed mustache, a canary yellow coat and a frying pan with an egg in it as his cutie mark— seemed to have the small blaze under control.

Given that my nose prickled with the smell of burned bacon I could imagine what had happened. It seemed the distraction from Black’s spit-take had dragged Rose off mid cooking the main breakfast, and the oil on one of those flat cooking tops had heated to flashpoint.

I took a few more steps to the side and leaned against one of the walls as to not be in the way. I kept my staff primed at the ready… but in truth, the pair seemed to have things under-control with fire blankets…

Right up until the young but eager idiot came back with the bucket of water.

The chef saw the youngster first, but it was too late. He didn’t even shout a warning, he just dove like a ma- stallion half his age and pulled Rose down onto the floor as the idiot threw the water onto the burning oil.

With a whoosh I almost felt more than heard, the small and almost under control fire practically exploded.

I thrust my hand out before they had even come to a complete stop and formed a shield around the pair. “Don’t just stand there!” I snarled at the wide-gaping young idiot. “Run and go get the fire department!”

The youngster barely spared the two stunned people on the floor a second glance, before darting off as… well, his tail was on fire. Not quite literally so, but most certainly singed at least.

I tilted the shield so Rose and the chef could scramble out, but both of them seemed transfixed of the sight of the big splosh of fire pouring down onto the floor from the glowing dome of my shield. I had to admit, the color of golden-orange was a rather poor fit for the situation, but not as if I had much control over that.

“Rose!” My voice seemingly broke her out of it, and the gryphoness stared wide-eyed in the direction of my voice. I jerked my head toward the door. “Get out, I can’t do anything to the flames while you're that close!”

The two just sat there like lemons, seemingly stunned from the shock of not having had their faces burned off.

I swore under my breath and feed enough power into the shield it would last a few moments. It was a gamble I would have preferred not to make, but as long as I deal with the flames the mental state of the two became for the moment immaterial.

A half-dozen or so alternatives flickered through my mind as I raised my staff; trying to figure out how to solve this.

Ice? I had quite a bit of knowledge concerning ice spells, but I had no idea how those spells would react without a certain mantle of power I’d frankly been damn glad I seemingly lacked even a facsimile of. That and even without the near suicidal tempting of fate even risking drawing the eye of The Queen of Air and Darkness would be… well, when you are staring into the blaze is not the time for experiments.

Water? Yeah, I kinda know what that would do already. Theoretically I could just conjure lots of it and drench the place… but that would probably cause more property damage than just letting the stove burn out.

Air? It did have the advantage that I’d actually tried that school of spells out, and just might be able to improvise something. I however doubted Rose would like that choice, and even a potentially irate half-ton flying predator aside there was a possibility I’d just spread or fan the flames by mistake.

I couldn’t quite stop a fierce grin as it just clicked, however.

Not only did I know what might be the perfect spell, but I’d already used it several times.

“Ignus! Ignus, infusarius!”

A gasp came from my unwilling audience… and the flipping doorway. The latter of which I sadly recognized, and had to fight down a snarl on hearing.

I ignored both, and spread my arms wide as the flames roared in defiance at me; like things both alive and possessed.

I had not anticipated an actual resistance… but it was a hollow thing. The flames roared and spluttered as something deep in their very nature raged at me and how I was depriving it of its feast…

But in the end, it was only flames; a chemical reaction, and little more. Even with magic in the picture it was just this snarling thing without a will or drive of its own beyond consuming until nothing to eat remained.

A slight smell of singed wood was added to the symphony of smoke, as the runes on my staff lit with inner flames… but they were my flames. The unnaturally golden-orange flames fueled by my passion for learning, my fury at having been wronged, my desire for bettering myself, and even my rage and hatred I’d so carefully buried and bound behind entire mountains of chains; all held within a brazier forged of Will and Defiance I had forged bit by bit, piece by piece, over decades of fighting against my innermost demons.

Even before I had gained magic, such flames might have burned my flesh, seared my skin, consumed my heart, and turned my very bones to ash…

But they would never have claimed Me.

But I was no longer just that bookstore owner with a past he didn’t like talking about. For good or ill, wonder or ruin, I had become a Magi. A wizard. One of the Wise, to whom nature, spirits and the very forces of creation and unmaking are but tools.

One day I would not only be able to put my hand into an inferno without burning.

One day, I would be able to thrust my hand into even such flames and have them scream at my touch.

And there was no way in any Heaven, Hell, or the multitude of twisted places lost Between I would let a bit of grease and heat make me bow.

The day might not be today, tomorrow, or even within what would have been a natural lifetime… but I Knew in my heart of hearts, that the flame I’d nurtured there would not be put-out by this waste of bacon; that if the two met, my flame would emerge the stronger.

In the end, working with natural fire turned out to be both easier and harder than conjured flames. Easier, because I could just concentrate on warping and binding the forces already at play. Harder, because the flames had a wildness to them that needed to be fought and stomped out at every step.

On the whole, though? It actually averaged out to being about the same, funnily enough. Against the unrelenting force of my will and magic, even that primal hunger was no equal.

It started humbly… but then again, does not many things? These tiny flickers of flame flowing toward my free hand; so small they might as well have been random embers. But those embers become ribbons, the ribbons became ropes, and the ropes turned to a roaring vortex of flames; , as the inferno roared towards a spot above my open palm as if drawn there by a black hole.

All within a minute or so that still felt like a small lifetime, the blaze was no more. Aside from the smoke still lingering, there wasn’t as much as a ember left on the charred stove. Hell, there wasn’t as much as a heat-haze.

I couldn’t quite stop a happy chuckle at that, and the small dot of roaring White I held above my palm. “Oh man, do I love this magic stuff…”

I turned, ignoring the three idiots, the yellow slightly less idiotic idiot… and sadly, Lady Rarity and Lady Applejack, as they stood slack-jawed in the doorway. I guess I should have seen the common hints between ‘local magical badass named Twi’ and ‘our friend that knows a lot about magic Twilight’ earlier… but in my defense, I’ve had quite a bit on my mind lately.

It seemed the ‘amazing flying Technicolor idiot’ had been moments from launching herself at me. Again. From behind. Again. Probably all but certain she’d get away with it, thanks to her connections. Again…

Yes, I am bitter and I don’t like people playing favorites. Sue me.

To my slight delight, Applejack had proven as quick witted as I’d pegged her as. The thought of the taste of the unwashed brute’s tail made me near gag, but Applejack had snagged just that with her mouth to hold the PPP from jumping me. There really was no way of knowing for me if she’d done it because she had doubts about my ‘dreaded-ness,’ or just the common sense of not disturbing a wizard mid-spell when you’re under the same roof as him… but still, clever girl, that one.

Aside from two things there really wasn’t anything of substance to add about the group, aside from how ludicrous the lot looked when doing a fly-trap impression.

For one, they were all carrying these giant bits of bling. Gold enough to buy a small town on each of them forged into necklaces (except on Twilight, who had a tiara of all darn things) and studded with rocks that would have made me drool last week had I not been so desensitized with just gems lately.

Except I had a sneaking suspicion I’d heard the artifacts name mentioned just an hour or two ago. Not only was there something about the gems and how they looked just like the girls’, ugh, cutie marks that made my skin crawl… but magic also rolled of them all in waves. A pulse of power of such breadth and scope it was more of a thrum in the background magic of the freakin’ world itself.

Frankly, I was only distracted from the sight by what a sorry one Twilight looked at the moment. Now, I’m (sadly) no stranger to violence, but the way she’d been near covered in bandages made even me wince. Her wings, her horn, a splint for her foreleg… If it weren’t for the clear pained and tense quality to her movements, I would have frankly believed her an hour or so away from committing insurance-fraud and bad acting.

“One moment,” I told the stunned mares, making them tense. I just lifted my hand and showed them the mini-inferno. “Unless you want me to fudge the dispelling and disposal of this spell up…?”

As a single mare, the other five turned to look at Twilight… only to balk nearly as badly on seeing her looking uncertain, as they had at seeing me fix a kitchen-fire by lifting it up with one hand and carrying it away.

I rolled my eyes at them, and turned to the other pair in the room. “Rose?”

I wasn’t certain if I should be insulted or flattered as the half-ton predator in question flinched slightly at being addressed by me.

The mental stress of holding that much fire made it hard, but I forced what might have been passable as a kind smile and voice. “I need a glass jar with a lid, some salt and a place that won’t burn if I screw this up.”

She did so shaking slightly and seemingly having to force herself from arms of the stallion I would have bet my pile of diamonds against tap-water was more to her than just a cook… but to Rose’s credit she sprang into action. It took her only moments to literally fly to one of the cupboards… only to hesitate and look back. “H-h-how m-m-much s-s-salt?”

I frowned at that. “It doesn’t have to be salt.” The sudden mental lurch in having to explain made the fire flare slightly, but I got it under control before it could even singe my hand. “Anything will do, as long as it leaves a stain and can be poured.”

Rose frowned deeply at that, but to her credit she didn’t question the scowling wizard in her pantry with a whole kitchen-fire in his hand. Rather clever, that.

“However,” I continued in a near mechanical voice as my focus was elsewhere, “salt would be ideal if you can spare about half a kilo.”

Near everybody in the room spluttered as one. “What?!”

Even with the fire in my hand, I just had to roll my eyes. “I’m not going to freakin’ eat it, it’s a material component.” This time, the flare did reach my hand. I bit back a wince as the skin reddened a bit, but it seemed I’d reclaimed control before it had time to do worse than if I’d tried to grab a too hot cup of coffee… This time, at least. “Now. Please?” I finished through gritted teeth, not taking my eyes of the fire.

‘Colonel Mustard’, seemingly spurred finally into action by that discomfort I was now showing, got unto his hooves and galloped over to what seemed to be the only cupboard in the place with a lock. To my and everybody else's surprise he didn’t even go for a key. Instead, he just turned so quick he skidded slightly on the tiles and bucked the damn door of its hinges.

Let me rephrase that, the elderly stallion kicked the steel door of its industrial hinges on the first try. Yup, definitely not going hand to hoof with any earth ponies if I can help it.

“Quality?” he barked at me in a gravelly voice, and a dialect I didn’t quite recognize.

“As long as it’s pure.” I frowned at my concentration being split like this; something that was quite a bit more taxing than the info jammed into my head had quite prepared me for. “No seasonings, or stuff like that.”

The stallion frowned at that, but he barely hesitated as he stuck a small wooden keg under his foreleg. He beckoned me to follow with his other, before rising and hobbling towards a backdoor.

I stumbled after myself, barely enough concentration leftover to do that and hold my staff.

By the time we (with a certain gryphoness following closely behind, so nervous and puffed up, poor Rose almost looked like a giant tribble) made it into the small courtyard, I was sweating bullets. And not dingy little .22s either, but those decimeter long monsters filled with nitro instead of powder they used to hunt elephants with I can’t remember the actual caliber of.

It wasn’t so much a garden, as these furrows and furrows of plants in long planting-boxes. I wasn’t sure if the place was self-sufficient with veggies, especially not with a clientele mostly made up from creatures with cultural delusions of being herbivores...but frankly? It looked as if whoever tended these crops had done a decent go at being just that. There were tomatoes the size of my fist clinging to plants you needed a stool to pick ‘em from, cucumbers large enough to be phallic even by local standards, cabbages you could have (briefly) played football with…

Heck, there was even a small decorative fountain in the center. No more than a meter or so in diameter and about as tall, but it even had a centerpiece that looked as if it was made from real marble. A white, ‘crying’ mare with a flowing mane, holding an urn on her shoulder water poured endlessly out of and into the basin. Wasn’t original by any stretch, but certain looks just doesn’t have to be.

Normally, I’d appreciate such a splash of green, colors and tranquility somewhere so urban…

But right now all my attention was focused on the small stone patio in the corner. It seemed to be a private resting slash dining place for the staff. Nothing more than a pair of wooden lounge-chairs and a few cushions, but it seemed a relaxing enough place.

Wordlessly I made a sweeping motion with my staff, and luckily for my fraying concentration both Rose and Colonel Mustard got the hint immediately and started clearing the stuff away.

I took the few moments to lean against the nearby wall, and shore up my mental defenses a bit. As far as magic went this wasn’t that complicated… but it was taxing. I might have beaten the flames into submission, but they still hungered and for the moment they got that fuel from my magic.

Technically, I could have just gone over and dipped the whole thing into the fountain… but I wanted to show six certain mares just what they were continually poking in the side.

I gave a nod of thanks as the last bit of furniture passed of the patio. It felt a bit like trying to juggle and ride a unicycle at the same time, but I just barely managed a “Vento servitas” through clenched teeth; sweeping the stone clean in a quick burst of wind and winces from everypony with wings nearby.

No longer needing it for the moment, I just let my staff fall among the greens. I stumbled forward and grabbed the keg and jar, carefully but unceremoniously dumping them in the middle of the stone. “Move,” I ordered the two, pointing towards the rest of the crowd. “Should work, but if this goes boom it goes boom.”

That was the problem with compressing all that energy like I had. Sure, I’d taken a kitchen-fire and turned it into something I could hold over one hand… but that just meant it had gone from a big problem I couldn’t move, to a small but potentially explosive problem I could move.

Even magic have trade-offs like that. Sure, you can all but negate the laws of physics if you really must… but it’s just so much easier to bend the problem until whatever you’re trying to do will fit into that framework.

I put the keg between my feet and yanked the lid off with my free hand. I took a moment to check what seemed like normal if rather fine sea-salt flakes, before shrugging and getting to work.

I had to fight down a chuckle as a certain cook winced out-loud at me pouring out the stuff… but hopefully he’d be able to salvage at least part of it all afterwards.

That wince was nothing however, to the near wall of sound produced at the gasps as my circle closed. I for my part only took a second or so of breathing a sigh of relief as the outside magic abruptly cut off.

Canterlot was a fine city, but magically speaking? Guess it might just have been me being unused to it all, but all that magic in those massive ley lines focused smack-dab here wasn’t that unlike trying to work, sleep or concentrate in a room full of spinning dryers filled with bells. Hardly impossible, but man did it feel comforting to know I had the magical version of ear-muffs nearby.

I rummaged around in my duster for my crayon collection. Most of them were traditional chalk, but ‘luckily’ I’d brought a single small pack of permanent markers; just in case I’d needed to make any last minute signs or something for DorkCon.

That made me pause my scribbling on the inside of the jar. Dammit all, but all that sure didn’t feel just a few days ago…

Something my pocket watch; my old, battered, needs to be wound once a month, and yet had been dead when I checked it that first camp, pocket watch had seemingly confirmed.

Just how damn long had I been floating in that void?

The fire, which I’d left floating under my mental control a bit over my shoulder, roared into sudden life as my concentration slipped.

With a irritated grunt and an effort of will I reasserted control. I might have quite a few question marks needing straightening, but now was not the time for distractions.

The marking on the jar for what I planned wasn’t complicated… but for safety and redundancy there needed to be many of them. That, and I’d rather not have the second best thing to a magical fire-bomb going off just because clumsy hooves smudged a few lines, so the marks needed to be on the inside.

Still, as the whore once told the contortionist: it wasn’t complicated, just fiddly.

I noticed in the corner of my eye how Black had joined in on the crowd. Although ‘joined’ was a bad word for it. ‘Put on a spot and interrogated’ was probably better words for it. Still, there was nothing I could do to help without letting this fire go boom, and to Twilight’s credit she’d apparently ordered the rest to keep an eye on me while she calmly talked things over with her fellow pony…

Yeah, I’m not bitter at all.

Still, I shrugged my shoulders and sank down; sitting so I’d be able to keep concentrating slightly more easily. The mass of ponies twitched slightly at my sudden movement, but not enough to distract me.

The task was made easier by the circle. Not only did it keep out any stray magic that might distract or interfere, but I’d had enough salt to make the thing both big and even, increasing its efficiency. A circle doesn’t have to be… well, circular, but the further from that form you make it, the more weak points you add.

That efficiency was further reinforced by the use of the salt. Salt is, magically and symbolically, a very important and potent substance. Look back not that many years (historically speaking) and salt used to be more expensive and valuable than silver for the same weight. Not only is it one of, if not the easiest and quickest way to preserve food, but it is efficient at it as well.

In an age before refrigerators, freezers and modern shipping? Getting enough salt through the trade lanes was the difference between living to see spring… or have to fight, scrape and beg, as your entire village starved during the winter.

That importance? That amount of power in something so small and insignificant? That raw potential to keep so much food fresh and so many bellies full even during the harshest of winters? Over the centuries, that turned salt into a near unprecedented symbol of life and purity. There are things so crooked and bent that not even a cross in the hands of a true saint will be any more than an irritant to them... but even most of those things will at least flinch if salt is thrown at them.

I try not to dabble in it myself, but only a fool questions the raw power of faith. And salt? Salt was something almost beyond faith, symbolically speaking.

If fire is the great consumer and transmuter man tamed into a spear to claim the world, than salt was the grand shield we coaxed from the ever-hungry sea and unyielding rock themselves to guard that bounty.

A wellspring of wealth empires have risen and fallen for want or lack of.

A Guard that has shielded us unflinchingly from the force of Famine itself.

And yes, it even makes popcorn taste even better.

It is a force of freaking nature. Perhaps not as potent as say, Love, Death or Rock & Roll, but a potent force nonetheless.

Not bad for the union of a poisonous gas and a metal that burst into flames at the slightest provocation, yes?

For the rather minor stuff I was doing the smooth two-meter circle made from salt and nearly a finger across? Frankly, it was like sitting in a three star Michelin kitchen and making soft-boiled eggs.

I spared a glance towards the six that so clearly screamed ‘chosen champions and their pet rocks,’ before returning to my task.

Or more precisely, it was like sitting in a cold-war bunker when your enemies had only given you funny looks so far. But in my defense? They were mean funny looks.

Quite seriously thought, I had a feeling in my gut the six of them were wearing the ‘Bling of Destiny!©’ for a reason. Perhaps not to intentionally try to curb-stomp me, but I was nonetheless quite certain I didn’t want to take that haymaker on the chin like a chump.

<God’s Death,> I’m not even sure if this circle would hold if those things really are even a shred of Magic itself by local standards. Sure, that much salt in an almost perfect circle? It was potent stuff, but sadly it was on the high-end of the curve of improvised potent stuff.

Freaking hell, a stray gust of wind can ruin this type of circle. And that isn’t even the normal disclaimer of ‘small curious child with a rock.’ Don’t know why, but circles are really darn brittle to anything with freewill. Demon Lord and his seven legions? You can make a circle around that, and if it’s perfect enough it will take them years if not outright centuries to get out for them… but that same circle of horrors, and as much as a curious dog that smelled sulphur? Screams and hellfire.

Speaking of whom I’m fairly certain I must have dated in a previous life given my rotten luck, we started to get spectators. I’d hoped to avoid that type of crap and complications thanks to the courtyard… but this was after all a country where a third of the populace have wings. It seemed my circle had drawn quite a few curious slash worried onlookers, because I saw quite a few earth ponies and unicorns being freakin’ airlifted by their winged brothers and sisters in nudity.

Small favors, they all seemed to have enough brains to stay in the air or on the roofs… but it still had me on edge. You don’t have to be a military genius to know friendly fire isn’t, after all.

Speaking of…

With my hands only trembling slightly, I guided the flame down into the now rune covered jar and carefully screwed on the lid.

I had to let out a breath I hadn’t even felt myself holding as I felt the spell connecting me with the small fire ball faded… and the runes began glowing with a just barely noticeable light, as they fed off of and preserved the flames.

I just had to let out a small whistle as I turned and looked at my jar full of flames. “Damn, I’m good.”

“Modest, are we, Harry?” Rarity said without hesitation… but there was an edge to it I doubted had anything to do with actual humility.

I gave a shrug as I gently put down the jar. “Lady Rarity, I just stopped a kitchen-fire by picking it up and stuffing it in a jar.” I pointed a finger down at the small, fragile thing as it stood near my feet. “I believe I’m allowed a few moments of ‘smug wizard’ for that.”

Something flickered over Rarity’s face at being referred to as ‘Lady’ from me, but it was gone too quick for me to read it.

Still, I could guess, so I lifted my hands in a small gesture of surrender. “I swear I had no idea we were…” I was at a loss for words for a few moments as I glared slightly towards a worried looking Twilight. “...talking about the same ponies.” I finished lamely, if polity.

The tension to Rarity and Applejack didn’t disappear, but it did fade a few notches.

It gave me a little hope this might be solved without violence… but not much.

So I turned to my guide. “Mr. Black?”

The group and my guide tensed, the former giving the later quite clearly unveiled suspicious looks.

“Please go tell FB I have been detained,” I continued smoothly with my hands in plain view. I gave a dry look around my circle before continuing. “Just a hunch I’m not moving anytime soon.”

I shoot a withering glare towards a certain clown maned mare, making her shut her stupid mouth and gulp instead of doing whatever foolish thing she’d been about to do. “Mr. Black’s only crime has been serving as my guide. A task I hired him for to avoid any more crap like this.” I’m not certain what I almost did, but a few sparks of orange flared from the inside of the circle as I glared her down. “He will not be dragged in to this thrice-damned mess, have I been clear?”

I’m not sure if it was the swear (Since that one made quite a few within earshot twitch. Freakin’ hippies.) or my glare, but twitch the rainbow idiot did. She tried to snort and play if off, but I know I got to her.

Still, she ignored Black, who barely shot me a relieved smile before taking to the skies and darting away like he had a rocket up his butt.

I let out a small sigh of relief. With Black, and sadly more importantly the Winchester on his back nobody seemed to have recognized away, that was two headaches less for me to worry about.

“An’ what was that sigh for…?” Applejack ordered at me, once more proving who was seemingly the real brain of the operation.

No wonder I’d trounced the other four so soundly if both she and Rarity —who’d I’d bet Faberge eggs versus gravel was the specialist at finesse and diplomacy given her whole high-class lady thing— were away on business.

I just snorted at her. “What?” I mimed twirling my no-longer existing mustache. “The Dresden you’ve built up in your head’s so twisted he can’t care about collateral damage and innocents?” I ignored the flash of genuine guilt on her face, and gave a nod towards the quickly fading black dot in the sky. “Mr. Black has so far been one of the more solid guides I’ve ever had, and I don’t want to see him hurt because of this stupidity. Good enough, Miss Applejack?”

All six mares looked as if I’d just slapped them.

“Mr. Dresden,” Rarity said in a voice like ice-water, huffing herself almost twice as tall on wounded pride alone. “Care to say again what you just implied…?”

I fought down the sarcasm since I, shock upon all shocks, actually liked at least Rarity and Applejack of this bunch. “Crossfire and friendly fire happens even with the best of intentions… or for that matter aim, Lady Rarity. Can you blame me for seeing where the giant storm-clouds are a’ blowing and saving the laundry from the equally metaphorical hail?”

A frown of confusion passed over the fashionista’s lips. “...Friendly… fire?”

To my surprise, Twilight of all ponies actually explained for me. “It’s a military term.” I mean, she sounded and fidgeted as if she needed to explain how a sewage plant works to a cleanroom worker with a neat-freak streak, but she did it. “...Sometimes during a fight, you miss, and hit somepony instead of who you were aiming for. Shining explained it to me once.”

“And what difference does that make?” exclaimed, to my shock of shocks, the brash idiot with the Skittles based blood-line limit. “As long as you hit something, isn’t that good enough?”

“Because the poor bastard you actually hit doesn’t have to be an enemy, you waste of brain cells. Do it with a big enough boom, and you can accidentally wipe entire towns off the map” I ignored the shocked silence and nodded towards the power bling. “Like say, employing ancient artifacts of doom in the middle of a highly populated metropolis.”

Forget the pin. You almost heard photons bouncing around in the following silence.

Speaking of…. I gave Rose and her stallion as deep a bow as I could while sitting. “Please forgive having brought trouble to this place, it was not intentional.”

“...You actually needed that salt for the flame?” Mr. Mustard said in a tart voice, through lips you could have used as a ruler.

I made a so-so gesture with a hand and nodded at the Mighty Grudge-y Pony Rangers. “Technically not, but it does make a better circle. Sorry for the half-bluff, but given how things last went when I met four of those girls, I wanted anti-magical overkill.” I aimed my hand away from them all and sent out a tiny bit of magic towards the circle; making a multitude of sparks rain down. “Two way, anti-magical overkill. Sorry girls, but this time you’re not gonna get away with getting me in trouble for defending myself.” I leaned towards the stunned mares in question. “You lot want to sneak in that first blow again, and you’re going to have to come batter down my little wall here first.”

I couldn’t quite stop a wide smile as I slowly swept a hand over the audience.

Sadly, She-Who-Does-Not-Comb broke out of it first. “First?!” The twit nearly flew right at me, but some tiny little survival instinct must have triggered in her cavernous cranium as I gently flexed my hand.

Obviously, the one with all the force rings. Did you even have to ask?

“I wasn’t the one that used that bucking disturbing wind magic!” The twit jumped to her hind legs, arms raised for a fight and frankly giving me a pony-anatomy lesson I’d frankly rather have skipped as she started bouncing around. “You come out of that thing and say that to my face!”

I just… froze.

They thought my wind spell was the first blow? Really? Fucking really?!

Something hot and horrible rose in my chest as I nearly jumped out and obliged the twit. Still, I fought it down.

Instead, I got to my feet and started taking off my duster.

Skittles let out a snort and started bouncing around like a complete pugilism amateur again. “Yeah! Let’s see how tough you are without…!”

The entire courtyard fell silent as I got the shirt off as well.

“...your armor?” The now still twit finished in a much less confident whisper, somehow faking looking shocked enough to almost fool even me.

Since I had a crowd anyway, I gave a slow couple of turns and showed off every little splash of color on my ribs. “Yeah, slight downside to not having fur. Every damn bruise you end up with just looks oh so pleasant, do they not?”

Forget photons. You could all but hear parallel dimensions also falling silent.

“So, little girl that can go super freaking sonic,” I said in that oh so useful friendly tone of voice nobody ever finds actually friendly. The ‘the person you are talking with is rapidly moving beyond where even the burning hot fury may follow them’ tone.

I like that tone. It’s oh so useful for getting rid of idiots.

“You seem like the athletic type.” I leaned in as far to the edge of the circle as I dared and gave the now much smaller looking mare a smile that never reached my eyes. “So how about you tell me, your friends, all these oh so polite witnesses… what a bad freaking idea it is to tackle somebody so hard their fucking ribs creak?”

Forget a viral silence passing beyond the limits of space and time. I swear the temperature dropped ten degrees, as the molecules all around us suddenly got too embarrassed to vibrate properly.

I threw out my arms as wide as they’d go without breaking the circle, still smiling. “What? Don’t have anything to say to the ‘furless freak’ that ruined ‘your sky’ by falling through it screaming?”

To my surprise, quite a few glares were actually starting to crawl over to a certain cerulean pegasus that just stood there, gaping like a landlocked fish.

I held up my hand at eye level, with the back of it turned towards them and giving the entire crowd a look of my force rings. “Look? That last attack? I’ll admit it freely, I screwed up big time. I am frankly seven shades of amazed, if glad, that your friend is still alive.”

This time, the entire crowd hiccuped instead. Good.

“You want a normal thrown-down to fix your ego? Fine. You want me to come at you with all I’ve got? Fine. Suicidal, but fine. You want a honor duel, wergild, or something? Utterly outdated nonsense I don’t agree with, but fine. You want to savage both our records in this place and drag this to court? Fan-flipping-tastic-ally fine!” I jabbed my finger at her and lost control of my temper, snarling enough that strange spark thing happened again against the circle. “But I will not stand here and have you lie to my fucking face that I made the first damn blow!”

I decided on something. Something I doubt would have even come to me, had I not been in that place of calm where even my fury dared not go. Something so vile and twisted, even what little remained of Quentin, buried deep in my soul as he was, screamed and thrashed at the thought.

Fuck.

It.

All.

Sideways.

So I calmly put on my clothes again and I smiled wide. Wide, warm and genuinely, from the bottom of the cracked little thing my heart had become over the years. I poured just as much effort into that smile so wide my cheeks hurt as any spell.

Near needlessly to say, not a shred of it touched my eyes.

Every damn pony within eyesight flinched at that smile.

I tapped my foot on the fire-in-jar, almost forgotten in the, heh, heat of the moment. “You lot use those pretty little harmony rocks on the person that just saved this entire building, perhaps even all the current guests, from burning up?” I throw out my arms, this time so wide it broke the circle. I’m frankly not certain what my aura and slash or magic looked like at the moment to the unicorns… but every pony with a horn except Twilight (and her cast, if you follow) turned a few shades paler.

“You go right ahead and shoot those nifty little things at that man, a man so royally pissed at you blithering idiots that refuse to talk things over, so filled with righteous freaking indignation the ground under my fucking feet by all rights should self-ignite!” I yanked my staff out of the ground so hard this poor little daisy went flying away and up, and brained a guard in royal gold apparently there to keep an eye on things.

Let say that the royally appointed twit suddenly seemed very thankful for his new hat as I smiled his way.

Isn’t it nice, the power of a simple smile?

Since my current smile seemed to be working oh so well, I threw open my arms and smiled wide enough to show teeth.

A few of the audience quite literally fainted.

“So go ahead, and use the disharmony kryptonite on the man who’s wanted to talk things freaking over since day one!” I did not stomp closer. I walked closer. Stomping is for angry men… and I was well beyond that itty-bitty level of background irritation by now. “And I’m sure those ancient artifacts will like that oh so much!”

My mind had, as only a few times before in my life, sprouted wings. And on those frigid wings of frozen flames, I sailed; so beyond mere mortal fury that Mars himself would have paled at the sight of my innermost essence in that moment.

Ahab, which so wished he could burst his heart like a great mortar shell upon his great whale, would have been a tiny firecracker compared to my own.

There are cities that have burned because men have been less angry than I was in that moment. Vows, great and horrible, have been made to end entire bloodlines from men who thought their cold blood had been boiling, compared to me in that moment. Empires have fallen, because men have raised their clenched fists and said: ‘Enough.’ with less fury and certainty I felt in that moment.

I am fairly certain Kain himself had felt less boiling, horrible, crystal clear clarity on seeing Abel’s turned back, than I did in that moment, looking at those six girls playing with forces they barely cared to understand…

I think something bruised in my cheeks as I smiled even wider than should have been advisable.

After all, who was I, but a man that had chosen the path of enlightenment?

A man that may call the dead, the thunder, that know the True names of Dark Gods, a man that had just made a blaze sit and beg in his hand...

So in my fury I did the worst thing I could imagine doing in that moment.

“I am so very disappointed in you all, girls.”

I started to elucidate the stupid twits.

If the crowd and the girls went ‘huh?!’ at my first words... it was nothing to the dread calm that settled at my next ones.

“You lay claim to friendship, to magic itself? Please, if you were the masters of those artifacts, instead of only their keepers? You would have ascended within a freaking week.” I pointed a disinterested hand at Twilight, who’d gone very still. “Black, the fine upstanding stallion you harassed for helping me could sum it up. Well enough for a stranger from another world to understand.” I cleared my throat and quoted: “‘The Elements of Harmony are the physical manifestation of the friendship between ponies, and the strongest force we have for good. They are Generosity, Kindness, Loyalty, Laughter and Honesty, and when they come together they create Magic, the greatest of the Elements. And as long as you keep those in mind and try to live by them, you will never lose that spark.’”

I turned my smile towards Twilight. “So little Miss winged unicorn who apparently has the best pet rock, how does it feel to be the winner by default?”

The wounded (now in more ways than one) mare gasped and glared at me, but it was frankly like being hissed at by a kitten.

“Do you even know the dark and horrible sides to magic? Heck, let’s not even go there, with all that means in necromancy, bindings that can force lovers to eat one another, or twisted crap like that!” Twilight practically wilted under my words, turning as pale as purple may… only to almost reach Rarity levels of white at my next words: ”Let’s just stick to all the ways friendship may turn sour!” I swept my free hand over the PPP. “Like say, almost dying because of a fight your friend started because her damned pride wouldn’t let her back down. You think the remaining friends in this sextuplet of yours would have actually continued as a five-mare band if that had happened?”

The six had been fuming and glaring at me right up to that line. Now? Now they looked uncertain.

Uncertain, and horrified straight down to their cores.

Good.

I’d made note of who’d flinched at what parts of my little Elements list, and turned to the PPP herself. “Loyalty, huh?” I put my hands to my sides and let out a theatrical little wince. “Now there’s a piece of work. Did you know, that in my world fealty to say, a princess was the second best thing to a divine calling for several hundred years? If such a man or women told you to?” I mimed slitting my throat with a extended finger. “Then it would be your royal duty as a loyal subject to slit whatever throat your liege pointed at; be they to use the local terms, stallion, mare, colt, filly or foal. To do that, or forever be a traitor to king, country and the gods themselves. It didn’t even matter if it was a good king, or even a sane king. That those horrible orders came from a royal throat? That was all that mattered.”

‘Dashie’ let out a small choking sound and her bit of bling dimmed as I finished by flicking her on the nose. “That?” I said, still in my calm smiling tone. “That is the dark side of Loyalty, and I’d bet you don’t even know enough of that force to think it over objectively; let alone say, shield the innocent from it.”

I pointed at the yellow one, who eeped at the sudden attention and tried to hide behind her own mane. “Theoretical pop-quiz from Grandpa Dresden! There has been a horrible fire and through an bureaucratic oversight, every granary in the country had been collected into one big district! The very one that is now only so much ash and cinders; including all that food! What is the kindest solution to such massive country-wide starvation that’s all but guaranteed to follow that loss? Do you beg and scrape to all the other countries, which no doubt will spin the whole thing into enough influence to all but run Equestria, if not outright march in and simply claim it? One starving village —so desperate for food that they’ll give up their fealty for full bellies without hesitation— at a time? Or do you cling to your principles, and let the people starve?”

The mares eyes was going wide, her pupils the size of pin-pricks, as she started to hyperventilate.

“And just who do you let starve first?” I continued without mercy. “The foals? They may be the future, but there won't be one at all if everypony starves, now will there? And foals simply can’t work as hard. The elderly? Well, it's hardly their fault they can’t do as much work… but that won’t stop starvation, now will it?” I spun in a happy little circle, sweeping my arms all around the mortified crowd. “Now, what to do about the bodies? Will you really throw away that much meat, when those still alive are crying from hunger? Do you really look into sweet little Cutie Pie’s eyes, and tell the innocent little filly you had food but it was more important to be kind to the dead, or do you look her into the eye and lie so she won’t know she’s slurping down granny stew just so she and Equestria will live?” I throw out my arms again. “Come on, surely the exemplar of Kindness can tell me what would be kindest thing to do in case of that one type of horrible circumstances!”

The guard from before leaned over the other side of the roof and started throwing up. He even lost his fine new hat! Now that was just a waste, wasn’t it?

Tears was streaming down her cheeks, and her voice was so low I had to almost Listen for it… but I just barely heard the yellow one say: “...I don’t know.”

I gave a slow clap, even despite myself and my fury somewhat impressed. “And in those simply words, the road to wisdom lies.” I folded my arms and my smile actually faltered to something almost kind. “But as the local expert on kindness, should you not know that actually plausible example already?”

‘Kindness’ just blinked at me for a moment. Then she fell sobbing into a heap on the dirt, utterly lost in inner turmoil.

To the mare’s extremely strained credit, ‘Loyalty’ hurried over and pulled her into a hug. Good for her.

I felt like on a roll, so I went for the hardest one next. “And fair Lady Rarity!” The mare flinched, but to my proud amusement she lifted her head and stood firm. “Generosity, huh? Good for you.”

It was quite waxen, but to the mare’s credit Rarity forced a smile my way.“...Yes, Dresden?”

“Alright, I’ve done starvation already, so here’s your sunny little thought experiment just to keep things fresh: A unicorn’s horn is a quite special thing, is it not?”

The mare forced herself to gulp, sparing only a tiny glimpse upward. “...Yes, indeed they… are.”

I tapped my own forehead. “Don’t know about this realm’s medical sciences… but in mine? We’ve got this thing called ‘organ transplants’ and it’s more or less what it sounds like on the tin.”

Twilight’s eyes near lit up, and I could all but hear how she made mental notes.

Rarity just looked slightly green, though.

“Now, to most countries credit,” I continued, “the whole donating bit of that is opt-in. And even those to whom the opposite applies, one may almost always opt-out. With me so far, Lady Rarity?”

“...Yes.”

“And then there are, of course, the horrors of when the black-marketers catch the whiff of money.”

Rarity’s cheeks bulged slightly, but she swallowed whatever it had been, and gave me a stiff nod.

“So let us say that instead of the archetypical kidney some unlucky bastard’s horn got nicked like that.” The already white unicorn paled and whimpered slightly while looking at her own horn, but I just pressed on. “Let us say that it gets found by the police, just to minimize the debate about the right or wrong of organ trade. Let us say that the horn is still safely fresh and packed away… but the poor…” I raised my hands and did air-quotes. “...’donor’ is dead. What do you do with that horn? What is the most generous thing you may do with that little bundle of wonder and potential? Do you bury it with its owner? Sure, it’s the most moral thing… but now that poor pony died totally in vain. Do let the trade go through, but make sure to collect the taxes and stuff? Well, now suddenly crime pays with all that implies in horrible precedents, so that one is out. Do you let it enter the proper channels? Well, that poor dolt might have had all sorts of horrible diseases. Or not wanted his or her body-parts to be used like that. And what of the receiver? Would they be okay with a stolen life on their conscience, no matter how much good that horn may be used for?”

A gleam of what was frankly this cute spark of hope danced in Rarity’s eyes. “That sounds more like a law-enforcement conundrum, than one that has to do with Generosity, Dresden.”

“Ah, but that’s the thing!” I said, with my finger and arm raised in the air in a gesture of triumph. “Most black-market organs like I just talked about? They’re not actually stolen.” The smile from earlier came back. “They’re sold quite willingly.”

Rarity’s own smile just died.

“After all, what could be more Generous than to sacrifice parts of you, or even your life, so those of your family that live on may actually, say, have food on the table?” I tapped my forehead again. “And yet, all those same restrictions and conundrum applies… to that act of Generosity.” I took of my hat and held it to my chest. “So what is your moral verdict, Lady Rarity?”

“...I think you come from a very harsh world, Mr. Dresden.” Rarity said in a even voice, even if she had to close her eyes and tears ran while she said them. “Quite possibly one worse than you deserve.”

My smile cracked at the sudden and unexpected kindness. “...It has its moments,” I said, as I put my hat back on, “but I’d like to think there are such moments from both ends of the spectrum.” I gave a big shrug, my arms extending slowly from my sides. “But one may not fight the dying of the light, if one does not even acknowledge that even that may falter.”

Rarity let out a bitter little laugh. “Is that why you are telling us these horrible things?”

“No, I’m telling you these horrible things because until about last week I didn’t have a shred of magic. Because my world barely has a shred of magic.” Rarity’s eyes shot open at my words; a loud gasp sweeping the courtyard. “And I’m saying these things, because before there was Harry Dresden the wizard, before there was B-”

I quickly corrected myself, but near every ear nearby perked. Dammit. “...And before there was Harry the bookstore owner, there was a horrible, angry little thug of a man…” I had to close my eyes, my hand drifting to the pocket that held my pocket watch.

Only that tiny little keepsake, nothing else… and straight over my heart. “...that one day realized he couldn’t change the world with his fists. That no matter how many slimy bastards he hit, how many hate filled gits he broke, no matter how much he bled from and bloodied those fists…” I had to blink away a few tears. An old childish part of me thought about ignoring it, or pretending it wasn’t… but I’d left behind such childish nonsense as pretending men can't cry many years ago. “...it wouldn’t actually make a single damn thing better.”

The irritating silence had returned. It was so silent in fact, that you could hear the ticking near my heart.

“But I got a… moment of clarity about it. I fought my bloodlust, stomped on the angry little man I’d been, and snarled and fought against every little bit of myself until I somehow became a proud and stand-up citizen.” I couldn’t quite stop a small barked out laugh. “Somehow even managed a degree without bribes being involved. Fancy that, huh?”

By its own accord, my other hand had somehow made it into that pocket, and… pulled out the small timepiece.

It was a battered and torn thing, the tiny little watch almost lost in my hand; its once shiny surface so dotted with scrapings and dents you could barely tell it had once been silver. The thing had been on six continents with me (seven if you counted the current dimensional shenanigans). I’d had to replace the entire mechanism eleven times. Once to a bad drop, twice to sand, three times to salt-water, once to the horrible month where the chain snapped without me noticing and I didn’t find the poor thing until the mechanism was more ice than clockwork, three times to one of those ‘dents’ being bad enough the shell needed to be hammered into shape once more, once to simple wear and tear…

I must have spent enough on this darn little thing to buy a small cottage by now. All that time, all that money, all that effort, for a tiny little clock that looked as if it had been kicked out of the trash heap by a higher class of garbage.

With practiced ease, I pushed the tiny button on the side; making the well-oiled lid click open. Just a clock. Three hands ticking along on a unadorned background…

And an inscription.

To My Brother, With Love ~M.J

And there was only one thing I’d trade if for… but you aren’t allowed to actually perform that type of bargain in the real world.

My tears now dry, I closed my little watch… and gave the six idiots such a death glare they near slid a meter back from how fast they scooted away from me. “So, yes, I was rather pissed for a day or so, to have met and fought four idiots that take being able to warp reality for granted.”

I had to unclench my shaking fists and take a deep breath before pressing on.

“And then I found out that those four very same idiots and two of the only ponies I’ve so far met that actually seemed like decent folk? They turned out to have bits of fundamental forces made manifest squirreled away, that they apparently think is appropriate bling material! Bling they use to try hunting down and intimidate somebody that might be dead from the very air in this place before the week is over if he is unlucky! Bits of Magic itself, they seem to refuse to have even thought about the darker aspects of!”

I pointed a shaking finger at the pink one with the ruler straight mane and tail. No idea why’d she changed it, but I simply didn’t care at the moment. “You know what my argument about the stupidity about that is for Laughter, Miss?!”

Pinkie, I think the girl’s oh so original name was, gulped slightly and slowly shook her head.

So I clenched my fists, threw my head back and cackled. And given the questionable state of my sanity at the moment? It was a good cackle. I just leaned back, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and… well, you get the picture.

Might have been my imagination, wishful thinking or out-rightly this world being that weird, but I swear I even heard a few lightning-bolts in the background. Probably not, but it was still that type of cackle. ‘Strap the monster in, Igor, there’s a storm a’ brewing!’ type cackle. A ‘Prometheus as he hangs and sees the eagle coming’ type cackle…

The wizard-has-utterly-lost-his-marbles-type cackle.

By the time I was done serving as the conduit into the mortal world for that Thing, I was down on my knees in the dirt, and I hadn’t even noticed sinking down like that. Hell, it had somehow rained without me noticing while I shook my fists at the heavens.

I got to my feet, and glared at the stock-still pink idiot. “Now, kids… did that sound like a good type of laugh?” I said, my voice coarse and raw.

I think it cost her something and for just a moment the sapphire she had, the bit of Laughter itself she was so wasting, dimmed slightly.

But Pinkie did slowly shake her head at me.

So I turned to Applejack. Honest, proud, Applejack, who’d just heard all her friends verbally savaged so utterly…

And there she stood, head held high, calmly awaiting her turn to be all but flogged verbally.

And I actually smiled at what I saw. Not the near mad thing I’d had before, but a small and half-way decent one, as I gave her a small clap. “Well done, kid. I’d bet diamonds to rocks you’ll be next for the horn and wings promotion.”

Had her jaw fallen any faster, it would have dislocated.

“Of course,” I said with a shrug, “my personal feelings aside, not giving you a scoop of insight as well would be unfair, would it not?”

The mare did a slow gulp. “...Yeah.”

I turned and took a few steps back before continuing. “This may shock and appall you all, but this wizard actually read a book once…”

Nobody laughed. Figures.

I waved it off. Sometimes you get a tough crowd; it just happens. “Now, I didn’t actually like it, but it had an idea about Honesty I just found fascinating.”

“...And that would be…?” Applejack said, squaring her shoulders slightly as she waited for the other shoe to drop.

“That capital T Truth is a barbed, horrible, deep cutting thing. A horror of such depth and magnitude, that no friend would actually be totally honest to another.”

The crowd had clearly not been liking my little stunt so far… but this time? Now they actually began to mutter angrily.

I pressed on. “That true honesty cuts so horribly, so deep, may destroy the very core of somebody so thoroughly; that only the most bitter of enemies will ever employ it against one another.”

Outright shouting started breaking out. So I turned in a lazy circle with my arms spread wide and addressed them all. “Anypony care to look me in the eye, and tell me they’d still be the friend of somebody that just heard give as much as a single other friend of theirs the type of tongue lashing I just gave these misguided but well-meaning girls?”

The silence was all but deafening. Almost unnaturally so, for such a large city.

“Anybody? No takers, whatsoever?” I did another slow turn, as the crowd’s collective gaze slid off me like butter on a too hot skillet. “Not a single pony here that wishes to rise to the challenge of actually following your own damn beliefs about honesty being a cornerstone of friendship?” I threw my arms out in disgust and just let them fall, but I continued my slow turn, just in case. “I’m even saying I don’t believe it myself! I think the worlds would be a much better and healthier places if more people actually grow some thicker skin and could take some truth, every once in a while!“

I glared around at the crowd, still not having a single one of the gawkers actually wanting to step up to the challenge

So I clenched my fists, and put my damn money where my mouth is. “There is a vow my magic teacher told me to never say! One of such horrible potency and dread power, that Magic itself will take offence to you breaking it, and sever part of itself from you in retribution! Permanently! You can never regain that bit of power, just train until you once more pass that point! Break it enough times, even for the pettiest of reasons, and it can turn an arch-mage into somebody that can’t even bring forth enough magic to make a light!”

That got them to react, all right. Shocked gasps, disbelieving whispers, stares that begged me for it not to be true… The works.

“And I, Harry Dresden, swear upon my Power that if any of you cowards come forward and tell me the Truth of what you think of me after all I’ve said, in this time and at this place; then I will as long as it hurts no innocents and involves no dark magic, perform a single favor of any magnitude to the very best of my ability for that person upon their explicit request!”

That vow is not one to be taken lightly… but I’ve never done well with facing hypocrisy.

And this time, it was a big one. The backlash as the vow took hold drove me to the ground and the air from my lungs.

“Well?” I croaked out as I got to my shaking feet, and brushed myself off. “The eldritch freaking horror of the week just put his magic on the line, so even a single one of you gawking idiots can step forward and actually prove your own damn champions over there right!” I pointed a shaking hand back at the six idiots that could be so much better. “And none of you can actually manage to scrape together enough Loyalty and Honesty for your champions, for as much as a ‘Wow, you suck?!’”

I gave it about five minutes. Five minutes of horrible, sucking silence, broken only by a few sniffs and shuffling hooves.

I frankly, almost felt the edge of something beyond this calm place I’d found myself at the sight; my hand clenching around my staff so hard the wood creaked. So I slowly lifted and pointed my open hand towards Twilight’s general direction. “One of your own alicorns you claim to hold so highly marched into what she thought would be a regular battle looking like that, against the person who thought his back was against a wall and made her look like that in the first place!” I had to force my fists open as to not damage them. I kept sweeping my gaze around the damn rooftops and the audience there, but every pony I as much as looked near just kept flinching and looking away. “And none of you two-faced bastards can muster up enough spit and gristle to tell me a simple ‘You are wrong!?’”

Another five hellish minutes or so of silence later, and I just…

I honestly didn’t even have enough energy left to feel disgusted. Even the anger had simply boiled away, leaving me feeling empty and spent.

So I turned towards Applejack and just...threw my arms out. “And there you have it. The honest truth, of just how whatever how much you’ve bleed and sacrificed for that power seems to be worth in the public's eyes.”

The girl had a decent poker face. Slightly ironic for the wielder of Honesty, but whatever.

But I know fury. I know disgust. I know what it’s like to see something, and just want to run screaming at it and punch, and punch, and punch, until there is nothing left but a stain.

Thing is, I couldn’t tell if the subtle tension, and hardness to her eyes was aimed at me, the crowd… or simply the Truth she’d just been shown.

Hell, it’s a complicated and silly ol’ world. Might have been all of those.

What I did know however, is that it was only Applejack’s element that blazed like a tiny sun; the orange gem shining from within as if it had passed before the sun itself for the first time in millennia.

“How goes that quote? ‘That which may be destroyed by truth, should be,’ I believe.” I tilted my head and thought while snapping my fingers, trying to remember. Sadly, I had to shrug and admit defeat. “Can’t remember the gents name, but wise words from a wise man, at any rate.” I paused for a beat, letting the words sink in. “Don’t think he had many friends if he lived by them himself, but wise words nonetheless.”

It seemed Rose and her hubby had wisely skedaddled somewhere during my rant, but the others?

‘Dashie’ was all but wrapped around her still-sobbing friend. The overgrown child was trying to glare me down… but the gleam of horror and uncertainty in her eyes wouldn’t have fooled a puppy.

‘Pinkie’ was, frankly, lost in her own little world; the misty eyes just about visible through her bangs not focused on anything or anybody. I doubt anything short of a fire-bolt to the face would have made her react.

Rarity seemed almost as lost, but for her there at least seemed to be thought involved. Granted, the way she kept… well, prancing from one hoof to another, and how her biting her lip with those teeth made her seem rather preoccupied.

Twilight? Twilight’s face was all but ashen. I don’t know if anybody had tried this spiel of ‘you suck’ before… but I was rather willing to bet nobody had managed to cut quite as deep before. Her eyes kept darting around, as she quite clearly tried to think up counters to my words to help her friends…

Except she apparently couldn’t figure any out.

And Applejack? She just kept staring at the blazing gem on her chest, glaring as if she could will it away if she tried hard enough.

I turned, and went to deal with a small loose-end. Luckily, even most magical inanimate objects don't tend to cause much trouble, so the small jar of fire was easily acquired.

I took my hat off, and dropped the jar down into it. The hat didn’t even twitch as the thing fell into the magical pocket.

“Moment over, children,” I said as I put my hat back on, wincing as magic did its thing. “Hope you got something to think over, at least.”

I took a few moments to catch my breath, and then I walked back.

None of the girls had moved from where I’d left them.

I held my arms up in mock surrender. “I think I’ve proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that if you actually care to talk? Then I’ll talk until your darn ears try to run away in self-defense.”

Pinkie let out a tiny tittering laugh… but it frankly sounded more like mental reflex, than any true mirth.

Nobody joined in.

I folded my arms over my chest, wiggling the staff near my side to draw attention to it. “You lot still want a throw down after this? Frankly, as long as you aren’t stupid enough to have it in the center of the capitol, I will honestly help you sell freaking tickets and make a show of it.”

My lips turned to a line, as I pointed at the tiara Twilight was wearing. “But if you dare try intimidate me again with power you so clearly barely understand? Near civilians?”

I had to take a deep breath and lower my hands, as to not do anything I would regret. “I did not see Magic, Loyalty, Kindness, Laughter and Generosity today.” I gave a small nod towards Applejack, who frankly didn’t seem to know if she should hug me, or buck my head clean off. “Think I might have caught a glimpse of Honesty… but that might just be an old fool’s wishful thinking.” I turned my head back to the other five idiots again. “I did not see the exemplar champions of Luna, Celestia and Equestria, wielding the instruments of their power, today. I saw six foolish little fillies playing with the hand-me-down scraps of power their mums apparently think might serve as a good-enough test to see if they can be trusted with something, you know, actually impressive.”

For just a moment, this flash of fear and doubt passed over the six girls.

Good. Only zealots never question.

“I frankly don’t care how this disagreement of ours ends. I’ve lived a decent enough life and I can think of worse ends than doing my best against impossible odds.” I am fairly certain my voice would have frozen a glass of water as I finished off my ‘little’ tirade. “But if you dare show up before me as these runty little fillies who seem content with serving as nothing better than the good-vibe batteries for Twilight’s shot at glory? I will get serious, I will break you, and then I’ll take those poor misused artifacts away so I can find wielders for them that aren’t short-sighted idiots.”

Dashie had apparently had enough and detangled herself from her now ‘only’ sobbing friend. I shook my wrist slightly to have my shield bracelet free as she darted snarling through the air at me… but it seemed the girl had learned at least a partial lesson, and she stopped in the air about a meter or so in front of my face.

“And you're supposed to be the expert then, huh?!” she shouted, jabbing her hoof at me. “And I’m certain you wouldn’t keep ‘em for yourself!”

“Actually, I’m fairly certain I can’t even hold one of those things without gloves.”

The silence of doom returned again. This near echoing of anti-sound just daring out and away from us.

“I’m this…” I was at a loss for words for a few moments, before continuing in a tired voice. “...ex-hooligan with delusions of betterment, civility…” I had to take a deep breath again. “...and intellectualism. I haven’t been in a fight for forty damn years, and I still feel as if I’m telling a damn fib at adding that ex.” I snarled and poked the flying if temporarily stunned irritant hard straight on the Element in question using my staff, making the girl drift back slightly and give off a puff of air.

My battered throat nearly gave out, but there are certain things that simply have to be shouted. “So do you understand why I’m so outraged that I’m the one that has been trying to perform diplomacy all this time?! While you stand there and have the gall to claim to be the Exemplar of Loyalty!?”

I felt my anger build again as the twit just hovered there staring.

In my outrage, it actually took me several moments to realize Dashie wasn’t staring at me.

So I followed her gaze down, down to where the brunt of my staff still rested against the Element of Loyalty.

And how almost the entire top of my staff was being rapidly consumed by a red light spilling forth from the gem; a halo that was quickly racing down towards my hand.

I know it sounds petty, but only years upon years of video-games saved me.

Yeah, I’m certain that sentence gets said all the time, but it was true. Without that constant refinement and testing of my reflexes, I’m certain that light would have gotten to me. Because I didn’t even think it over, I just reacted, and it still almost touched my hand by the time I noticed.

The staff sailed through the air, landing and sticking in the soft soil of a cabbage patch.

As I stared utterly mortified at it, unable to look away… my staff shifted. The red light crawling down and over it, changing, warping it.

Once it faded, I… I couldn’t look away.

I barely noticed how I’d stumbled closer, but I almost touched the wood with my bare hands before I realized what I’d almost done.

My hands were shaking so badly, that I had to take two tries just to pull forth my blasting rod. The sharp whack of wood on wood cut through the air… but nothing. No red light, or as much as a spark.

I had to force myself to actually touch what just moments ago had been one of the proudest and grandest gifts I had ever received.

But my hand touching the wood of my old hockey-stick felt only that. It looked cleaner and far more well-kept than the flea-market bargain it had once been. It’s lines straighter, and with ‘runes’ carved by far more skilled hands than mine…

But there wasn’t as much as a spark in it. There was in fact, less magic in it, than what I could feel in the air and ground all around.

I’d been prepared for many things, many fates, on seeing those artifacts and their wielders. Being sent home? Irritating, but fine. Some hell analog? Wouldn’t like it, but I’m not the type to give up without cause. Some heaven analog? Yeah, right…

But the horror before me?

My knees gave out under me and my rod fell to the ground with a soft thud, as the most horrible realization I’d ever had dawned on me. A Truth so grand and terrible, it nearly broke me on the spot.

“...No, anything but that…”

Magic was the grandest gift I’d ever been given. A thing of wonder and hope I’d clung to for years despite thinking it just… pleasant myths and inspiring stories. To have actually been given even the tiny taste I had? To have been given that tiny mote to fan into a flame of my own? To have found out that such things exist?

I have spent so long, so much effort, so many years, so many struggles against what I really am, deep inside, I’d tried so hard to be better…

I honestly… thought I had come far enough, to be worthy of at least this sample of wonder. A chance to actually finally be more than that bastard Quentin.

But no.

Magic had noticed me.

Magic had, once it bothered to actually notice me, judged me.

And found me unworthy to even possess what sliver of power I’d gained by chance, and a stranger’s generosity.

I thought I’d left fear behind so long ago I didn’t even remember its touch. But now? Terror itself reached an icy hand into my chest, grabbed my heart, and squeezed hard enough that for a few moments it couldn’t even beat.

In my heart of hearts, I had already known this. The delinquent, getting a hold of power, and it somehow making him better? As if that tale is ever told.

But I thought I’d worked hard enough to at least…

I blinked and started breathing again as I realized that the truth wasn’t quite that bad.

I hadn’t been judged and found wanting by Magic.

I’d been judged and found wanting by Harmony.

Subtle, but rather important a difference. Important enough that it gave some strength back to my limbs. Things were still bad, don’t get me wrong... but they’d moved from ‘the aliens are here and really like probing’ levels bad, to about ‘Sir, your head appears to be on fire’ level bad.

I took a deep breath as a plan started to form. For the later at least I had a metaphorical bucket of ice… but I didn’t have to like pouring it down over my head.

“...Let me guess,” I said as I slowly got to my feet again and dusted myself off. “All magic in this realm is considered to work through just that, IE harmony? ‘There is no spoon’ type of stuff, and thus why even the local magic expert was rather shocked at seeing me performing pyromancy without briefly becoming one with the flames?”

The silence got a hotly anticipated sequel. The All-Consuming Silence 5: Electronic Boogaloo of Doomy Dooms of Doom.

Meh, the first sequel was better.

Twilight frankly seemed as if she’d gotten mental whiplash for a moment, but she got herself under control and hobbled to the front of the girls; face utterly unreadable. “...What are you implying?”

There were two paths open for me as far as I could see. There was no plausible way for me to block or deflect what was basically its own ley line nexus on such short notice. Sure, my ring of salt was still undisturbed and could be re-powered… but now when I knew the cost for tangling with those darn pet rocks there was simply no way I’d gamble on such a remote possibility.

Thus the most logical and efficient way to solve this problem was to not engage the Elements at all.

Their wielders as I’d spent almost half an hour or so hammering in, were after all merely mortal.

Those I could fight.

There is a part of me, that simply turns vile when I have my back to a wall… and that part was currently whispering quite insistently how easy a simple burst of flame would be. Even if it didn’t kill one of them, it would leave the girl in question a screaming mess; unable to actually serve as the catalyst for her Element.

I bit my lip as my eyes swept over the six girls. Hesitating as I thought over my options again.

...But not even during the worst of the bad-old days had I crossed that line. Even that young fool Quentin had a few rules.

Never throw the first punch, but all is fair for the second.

Never lie. No matter the pain or humiliation in the short, for the long run that reputation becomes so valuable no lie is simply worth risking it.

And never, ever, fight ‘weaklings.’ It’s not fun, it ruins your reputation, it isn’t a challenge… and you even feel worse afterwards.

Yeah, Quentin had been a piece of work, but even the clock so broken its face is just a mass of glass is right sometimes.

Quentin…

I quite literally slapped my forehead as I realized something that frankly was a rather decent Truth all on its own.

I was being a total idiot.

Hey, they can’t all be sanity snapping or beyond mortal ken. To my defense though, actually internalizing something as big as ‘Yer a wizard, Harry’ wasn’t something done in under a week.

I can’t believe I was actually moments away from yielding to these wastes of power. They might have a big, scary magical shotgun… but the hooves holding that big, scary magical shotgun couldn’t have belonged any clearer to little girls if they’d had matching friendship bracelets.

...Although come to think about it, I guess you could see the Elements as the set of matching friendship bracelets, but whatever.

A conjured wall of water, ice magic to make it into an actual wall, and before they’d know it I’d be in either out in the streets with a veil on, or simply taking my chances with the local Nevernever before they could break through. Now that I actually knew this place held a mortal civilization instead of just monsters that look cute, there was frankly little reason not to simply skedaddle until chasing me proved too time-consuming slash expensive.

Still… one should at least try the low-cost if also low-chance civil approach. “Slightest chance I’ve actually shown enough civility we can continue this at a later date minus the objects of power?”

This statement made Rarity balk and all but explode at me. “You call this civility?!” Politely since this was Rarity exploding, but still.

I had to fight down a snarl, but I think some tension still showed on my face given how she backed down. “Given how incandescently furious I happen to be at seeing Magic made manifest used as if it was nothing more than a cudgel with spikes in, I happen to think some mundane screaming on the top of my lungs on seeing such blatantly wasted potential is quite normal, yes....”

Rarity took a deep breath to shoot back a rebuttal, but Twilight of all ponies actually put her hoof on her friend’s shoulder; making Rarity back down instantly.

I folded my arms over my chest and waited.

“Mr. Dresden…” I felt a pang of sympathy as the girl had to stop, wince and refocus after hobbling a step closer. Still, she’d made her bed. “...Just what did you mean with that line about pyromancy? And how did you do that?”

Although I had to give the girl a few points for intellectualism, I still just had to stand and stare at her for a few moments. “...With all due respect, Miss Twilight… I’m not really in the mood to talk magical shop with the girl that held me up by my ankles and frisked me just a few days ago.”

Near every pony nearby spluttered, stared at the still blazing Element of Honesty and then all but glared at Twilight; all as one organism.

The Element bearer in question herself? Frankly, I’ve seen people holding broken bottles with less rage in their eyes, as Applejack’s gaze slowly drifted from her Element and towards Twilight. “...Ah believe yah forgot to tell us that part… sugar.”

Rarity with her lips a line, ears slicked back and tail thrashing, gave a sharp nod at the words.

“I’ve got a concussion and I’m on three different painkillers! I just forgot!”

On hearing that and the… actual panic in Twilight’s voice on hearing her friends’ disapproval… I have to admit; even my abused nub of a heart gave off a wince.

My eyes drifted to my now utterly useless ex-staff… but I came to a decision.

I’ve read far too many stories where somebody gains awesome powers, and basically grease up a wet-suit to get down the slippery slope to bastard-hood as quickly as possible.

I know I’m no saint, but… I didn’t want to be a hellion again. And especially not have something as grand and wonderful as magic be what pushed me there once more.

I didn’t want to do it. I thought all my freaking choices sucked. I’d preferred to just go back to my room, and pull my personal ball-pit over my head for a month or two.

I let out a deep sigh and started taking off my force rings.

We all make our choices, but in the end they make us. Trite, but true.

So I ignored how everybody stared, took off my force rings, my shield bracelet, and put them all into the pockets of my duster. Then I removed that and gently folded the thing into a pile on the ground. I took off my pistol, still in its holster to avoid misunderstandings, and dropped it atop the duster. My rod (insert joke here) quickly followed, falling with a slight clatter next to the pile. Heck, I even kicked off my shoes…

And no sooner had I done that, when every pony within sigh gasped and got really interested in the local cloud formations.

I just had to stare down at my half-decently cleaned socks. Unless Snoopy bore a disturbing likeness to ‘pony-Hitler’ or something, (Not that even that sounded that far-fetched, given how my luck on social interactions had gone so far.) but surely not even my life could have gotten that weird?

...Right?

Rarity, almost pure crimson from embarrassment, let out a small cough into her hoof. “...Harry, I think I know what you are trying to do… but socks are considered suggestive undergarments here in Equestria.” Rarity gave off another embarrassed sounding cough into her hoof, tearing her eyes away from my feet and joining the Stratus Fan-club. “Please put the shoes on again.”

I almost laughed out loud at the clever joke… then I realized Rarity was being serious.

Naturally, on hearing that the country of nudist thought that about socks of all darn things, I had to face-palm and fight down an even bigger laugh.

Seriously, no wonder every damn wizard over a certain age and power-level tends to go cray-cray if this type of stuff is ‘Thursday’ for a plane-walker.

Still, I fought down the giggles, stepped back into my shoes and held my hands up with my fingers spread wide, as I slowly walked closer to Twilight. “Look, I won’t pretend I’m happy about seeing those artifacts and hearing that you girls can’t even imagine dark sides to them… but arrogance was never my vice.”

‘Dashie’ barked out a “Ha!”

I rolled my eyes at that, before ignoring her and pressing on. “For all I actually know at the moment, you might have a damn good reason for not experimenting around with the Elements. I don’t know, each ‘shot’ actually draining some of the harmony between you all, and if you do it too much you’ll end up as emotionless husks, or something…”

All of the bearers suddenly tensed, as if they had to force themselves to not look at the ancient artifact around their necks. (Except Twilight with her tiara, of course, but details.)

“...but I’m not too proud to admit I simply don’t know.” I took a deep breath, to steel myself slightly. “Or that four days ago could have gone quite a bit better.”

Twilight looked down from staring at her tiara to give me a steely-eyed nod.

“In my defense though, I’m now fairly certain I’m not in a world filled with soulless monsters, ironically cuddly looking demons, or shoggoth lords with a sick sense of humor.” The six mares balked a bit at me, but I just pressed on. “And I’m actually willing to bend a bit as a result this time around.”

I tilted my head in the following silence, remembering just how freakishly bendy ponies seemed to be. “...Well, technically I guess you guys could be civilized shoggoth lords with a thing for Technicolor ponies. It’s not as if I’ve had time to read any local anatomy books yet, and the multiverse is supposed to be endless…”

I’d mostly been thinking out loud, but ‘Yellow’ who’d finally stopped crying, raised a hesitant hoof. “...Um, what is a shoggoth lord?” The girl flinched slightly as I looked her way, and quickly looked around as if looking for escape ways. “...Just never heard about that animal…”

I shrugged slightly without lowering my hands. “These fictional monsters from this book series called the Cthulhu Mythos. They’re basically giant globs of constantly warping flesh, filled with mouths, eyes and organs growing and being re-absorbed at near random. Oh, just for the extra creepy they kill their victims by enveloping the poor schmucks before sucking their heads off.” I couldn’t quite stop a small smile as a few more in the crowd actually fainted. “A shoggoth lord is basically the same, but intelligent as well. So intelligent in fact, that they can disguise themselves as near anybody…”

Yellow’s eyes rolled up into her skull, before the poor girl sank down onto the ground in a neat little heap.

“Fluttershy!” screamed ‘Dashie’ before darting through the air to her fallen friend, pulling the limp girl in question into her arms. She barely gave the fainted girl a single shake before glaring my way. “WHAT KIND OF SICKO WRITER WRITES SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!”

“...A horror writer?” The snark lord living inside my mind volunteered through my lips in a deadpan. “That tried to be, you know, actually horrifying?”

Dashie jabbed a hoof at me, opened her mouth, closed it, reopened it once more… before giving off a grunt of irritation and refocusing on her fainted friend, ignoring me for the time being.

With a soft pat, Applejack’s hoof met her face.

“I don’t know guys, that doesn’t sound that bad to me. I mean, it even sounds a bit like my great-great-grandpa Tekeli-li.”

Slowly, near every head nearby drifted towards Pinkie. The mare herself seemed to be in her own little world though; letting out a mournful little sigh as she hugged herself. “...I miss him, he just gave the bestest of hugs…”

I didn’t see anything good coming from pointing out that horses simply can’t hug themselves. Not ones with actual bones, at any rate.

With a shrug I refocused on Twilight.

Twilight I suddenly remembered a comment from Applejack and Rarity claiming had not been born a winged unicorn.

Have to admit, the thought that I might be surrounded by cuddly eldritch horrors?

Eldritch horrors whose ancestors had seemingly gone so deep undercover into some proto-civilization of friendship obsessed equines they’d just plain forgotten you’re not actually supposed to flinch at the word ‘damn?’

Have to admit; even my weirdness quota got taxed by that line of thought.

Still, I gave a shrug again. “If Mars can need women, I guess R'lyeh can need mares…” I muttered to myself, before continuing in a normal tone of voice; breaking the slightly stunned Twilight out of staring at her friend. “Anyway, my point —the distraction that would explain so much about the weird quirks with pony anatomy I’ve noticed aside— was that I’m now about 75-80 percent certain I’m in a place with a civilization of mortals, rather than… well, horrors that gets their rocks off from looking cuddly before striking, to be blunt.”

“An’ just how many percent of those came after we met…?” Applejack asked me in that ‘friendly’ voice any man fears hearing from a woman.

I looked up at the sky and thought it over. “...About plus ninety for the conversation and company, minus thirty on seeing the unicorns and meat thing in person…?”

An outraged if ladylike gasp was soon followed by what felt like a tiny pebble with lingering magic on it hitting my temple.

I ignored it, plus the snickering from the crowd as well as quite a few harrumphs.

“Anyway,” I continued, “I know it won’t actually make anything better by itself, but I hope that at least cast some light on things; even if it was grim?”

I saw this tiny flicker in her eyes as Twilight apparently hesitated. “There are clearly more cultural differences you can shake most sticks at to work through, and stuff like that…” I ‘seized’ that opportunity by slowly lowering my right hand and offer her it. “...but could we please just say it was a diplomatic snafu worthy of the history books, and meet again in a month or two? Let tempers cool, wounds heal, the artifacts of doom slash weapons gather a bit of dust…”

This up close I actually could tell that Twilight was at least slightly on the medicated side. Sure, the eyes were just as near gleaming with intelligence and thought as last time, but there was just this slight delay to all her actions and movements.

Still, even if there was some cobwebs in the gears, the co-co bird was clearly still home. Twilight gave my hand a long look, before tilting her head back far enough to look up at me. “And just what would you use these ‘month or two’ for, Mr. Dresden…?”

“Well, make sure the local air isn’t slowly killing me for one,” I answered without hesitation, making her blink. “Or the water. Or the food. Make sure that you ponies don’t exhale cyanide vapors.” My eyes drifted to her tiara. “Or if the local magic field zags while mine zigs. Stuff like that.” Couldn’t quite keep an irritated frown off my face as I nodded towards the doorway behind her. “Ensure I have a more permanent roof over my head since I doubt any of the previous stuff is going to be a weekend project...”

Twilight bit her lip as she thought over what I’d said, and i could almost read the words: ‘Gah! I wish I wasn’t doing this while medicated!’ flash in her eyes.

“...And after that?” was what the girl said out-loud, however.

I just had to let out a sigh. “Ma’am, four days ago I feel screaming through an alien sky. Then I was in a fight. Then I spent three dam- darn days hiking through monster infested woods.” I poked her in the chest, causing quite a decent zap of magic and both of us to wince slightly. “And I didn’t actually sleep yesterday, as much as mentally wrestle all night with a prissy goddess-wannabe with an inferiority complex the size of her domain and astral control issues...”

“Hey!” Twilight exclaimed and poked me back with her good hoof. “Luna is not a wannabe anything!” Another harder ‘poke’ nearly sent me onto my ass. “You take that back!”

I back-stepped and dodged her next ‘poke,’ holding my hands up in surrender. “My point was that I’ve barely had time to rest my damn head on an actual pillow since I got here. Does that sound like good circumstances for planning even if I knew anything about this realm?”

Twilight leaned forward and poked me hard again; right on one of my many pockets. “But enough time to go gem digging and get contacts in the gem industry?”

I frowned as the pocket full of gems resettled and the crowd murmured. “...Is this Luna’s version of the ‘my friends made no such vow’ gambit?” I tried not to, but Twilight still got a light glare. “Because frankly, she told me things were now cool as long as I don’t get in anymore trouble, and I thought the sentiment of her word was more valuable to her than that.”

For just a moment a look of pure surprised horror flickered over Twilight’s face. Wasn’t conclusive by any means, but it did point to this being the girls acting independently.

Only for a moment, though, then she frowned and poked me again. “Answer me.”

“I lucked out.” I held up a single extended finger. “Once on this whole involuntary trip of mine. Twice if you count finding a guide worth his wage.” Twilight looked disbelieving, so I patted my pocket. “That tiny sliver of luck is the only reason you didn’t find me sleeping under a bridge and performing parlor tricks on the street.”

To the locals’ credit, the murmur immediately got replaced by a awkward silence. Even Twilight herself suddenly looked mortified.

I wiggled my hands mysteriously in the air. “Or did you expect me to have a magic cottage in my back-pocket? Or a spare cornucopia hidden in my shoes, perhaps?” I snorted and slowly swept a hand over the crowd without looking away. “And I’m sure one of those so called ‘endless’ purses would work really well with a populace that have seen real magic since before they could walk.”

The last one actually got a rather angry murmur, so I held my hands up high and addressed the crowd. “Hey, never claimed I’ve actually got, made or even seen one of those. Just heard about the concept.” I paused for a moment, letting my words sink in. “Same as for the other two.”

Guess it made sense. Something as unashamedly greedy as an enchanted purse that steals back every coin taken from it? When magic is ‘locally’ considered partly made up of generosity? It would be like a Christian hearing there’s a gun out there powered by a splinter of the true cross, or a Muslim hearing somebody turned one of the bones of Mohammed into a shiv.

Not sure if the ponies would actually use those words given how ‘goody-good’ they if nothing else liked to seem, but ‘anathema’ and ‘blasphemy’ sprang to mind for me at least.

Still, this had gone on long enough.

“Look, kid…I don’t know what those,” my voice was already on the dry side, but I added air-quotes just for a bit more of obnoxiousness, “‘that’s classified’ humans are capable of…”

Showing the poker face of the year, Twilight’s eyes darted around the crowd looking completely innocent. ‘Luckily’ it seemed the crowd was a bit taxed in the attention span from all that had passed so far, and I frankly didn’t even see a single one of them blink.

“...but if you ponies are even a quarter as strong as the non-magical, non-sapient ones in my realm? That don’t tend to aim their bucks, at that?” I offered my hand again, even if I couldn’t quite stop a frown of my face. “Frankly, you could fold me in half even in your state, and me and my bruised ribs are standing here within poking range without my armor on.” I wiggled my still outstretched hand as a small flash of guilt passed over her face. “Hint, hint.”

My eyebrow started to twitch as Twilight again hesitated, staring at my hand.

Don’t get me wrong, I got why even if it irritated me. I’m no politician, but if this girl was basically freshly titled nobility whose ascension to such status had involved magically grafted limbs instead of a land grant? If she said ‘yes,’ shook my hand… only for me to go on a dehorning spree, or something?

Forget eggs and her face, it’s quite possible her back would once more be bare if that happened.

I just barely fought down an exasperated sigh. “You want a retainer tailing me, or something? Fine.” I wiggled my hand again, just a bit harder for emphasis. “I’m not asking for a blood-oath on being ‘best friends forever and ever and ever’ here; I just want the spells to stop flying for long enough I can check if it’s actually within my power to get home.”

I had to close my eyes and wrestle with quite a few emotions before breaking the following silence. “...Failing that, I would rather have my enemies be of the ‘bitter contempt and ignoring each other,’ rather than ‘bloody feud until the last person falls’ variety.” I reopened my eyes and again trust my hand towards the rather still and wide-eyed mare. “Cynical enough, ma’am?”

“...Just what type of world do you come from?”

At that, I just had to smile wide… of the actually reaching the eyes variety. “Well, for starters, I find how you ponies react to even the concept of actual weather to be rather adorable, now that I actually know the cultural ‘why…’”

As my words sank in, Twilight’s pupils turned to tiny little pinpricks. “...Oh sweet Harmony, you're from a global Everfree.”

Let us say that she mumbled… and I’m still fairly certain everybody still heard her.

Still smiling, I spread my arms wide in a theatrical shrug. “Well, as the old joke goes: ‘The optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears the optimist may be right.’” My light chuckle echoed against the walls of the small courtyard. “Have to admit; never thought I’d live to see that one proven wrong with my own eyes…”

Twilight gulped slightly, as my smile faded. “You know what spell I could cause global waves with, Miss Sparkle? What might just spark a second Enlightenment, was I to find my way home and show such a legendary feat to somebody that would actually believe me?”

Slowly, Twilight shook her head.

So I slowly raised my hand, gathered some power…

And made a tiny, almost invisible even, spark of orange magic fly away from between my fingers as I snapped them.

Twilight flinched and looked around, only to frown deeply as she didn’t see anything actually happen.

I heard the other girls tense and take battle stances, but I ignored them all.

I snapped my fingers again, sending out another small shower of sparks. “Think it through, Miss Sparkle.” Another snap, another bunch of tiny motes of pure potential raining down... “You seem to be a clever girl, and I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

Twilight frowned again, and bit her lip; staring at my fingers as I continued snapping them.

I decided to give her a hint. “Now, I haven’t heard about this ‘Everfree’ place… but I’ve heard the tone of voice you use for badlands before.” My irritation made the next snap turn into a torrent rather than a shower. “Now, why would a person that hails from such a place, be so infuriated at seeing something squandered he clearly possess some of, himself…?”

I swear I almost heard a click as Twilight actually got it. Not only that but I’m fairly certain the only thing that kept her from falling over was that she was already sitting on her haunches.

I gave a head tilt Rarity and Applejack’s way without taking my eyes of the quite clearly mortified Twilight. “The girls told I about how unicorns and pegasi are known as myth and legends in my realm?” I got a weak nod. “Well, the same goes for actual magic.” I snapped my fingers once last time for emphasis, making my ‘spell’ send out sparks of magic again as Twilight’s jaw all but came to rest on the ground.

I was frankly running out of clever ways to describe shocked silences. Guess it went with the territory, but still, it irritated me slightly.

A thought came to me, though. “Of the overt ‘lift crap with your mind’ variety. We’ve got stuff like Friendship and similar as concepts if that’s what’s made you all so mortified.”

I just had to shake my head at the small breeze caused by the the crowd starting to breathing again. Seriously, I wonder how the average pony would react to the mere concept of a world war? Or people like Vlad Dracul?

Honestly, had this place not invented fiction, or something? Surely at least the very concept of a world without magic must have at least been exposed once or twice?

I scratched my chin and let out a hum. Although I guess it’s quite the different beast to have read about ‘Splurt Spagot, Spaceman Spectacul!’ and actually see somebody rocket through the air with his jetpack; firing his raygun wildly at the pursuing Martians..

“I don’t know how early you cast your first spell, or whatever.” I told the stunned Twilight, as I pointed at my own chest. “But I quite literally stumbled upon my magic teacher.” My mind drifted back to what I was now fairly certain should have been a broom-closet, or something. “Hell, he’s got the whole ‘little shop that wasn’t there yesterday’ shtick going. For all I actually know at the moment, he might have given me the magical equivalent of ‘the first fix is always free,’ before booting me into a random dimension.”

I ignored the shocked gasps and pointed a thumb over my shoulder; towards my pile of gear. “Now, he didn’t exactly do it without giving me some gear, so I’m willing to give the old coot the benefit of the doubt…” The image of that insufferable smile flashed through my mind. “But for all I actually know, it might have simply been because he’s a bored bastard and it amused him.”

Twilight’s ear started twitching; in perfectly disturbing synch with her opposite eyebrow, at that. “...Just what are you trying to say?”

“That you might be more powerful than me, especially with that thing on…” I leaned down and glared her straight in the eye, the risk of a soulgaze be damned. “But compared to me, you're a soft and spoiled little brat.” I leaned in a bit further and whispered in her ear. “If I actually wanted to take over Equestria? Six lives is a rounding error by my world’s military standards.”

Twilight stopped breathing.

I continued, still at a whisper. “And to remove what is clearly a super weapon even by my standards from the game-board? That only six very special mares may wield, at that? Heck, even most of the good guys of my world wouldn't hesitate on that. And guess what? Since you six are bonded to those things, you wouldn’t even count as non-combatants. It would be seen about as morally neutral as blowing up an armory into tiny bits...”

I heard the other five start shuffling, so I leaned back from Twilight.

The mare had gone stock-still; like a rabbit that finally realized she’d been poking a fox. Hell, she wasn’t even blinking.

I continued in an even voice, if with my hands behind my back and my face set hard. “But I don’t want to be that kind of man. Because there is frankly quite a bit of difference between the right thing, and the easy thing.” I held my arms out wide. “Like say, laying down your armor and arms to prove you wish to negotiate a peaceful solution in earnest.”

It seemed she needed to force herself to do it… but Twilight took a deep breath. “...Is that your defense? That if you were a monster, you would have… destroyed us already?”

I gave the silence about five seconds to thicken, just for the drama heightening effect.

Then I just rolled my eyes while shaking my head slowly. “And the girl that can’t even say the word kill with a straight face...” I looked down again at a winged unicorn that had actually turned slightly green from that one word. “Fine, you overgrown child, let me spell it out for you: I’ve been holding back since day one, because I may be no saint, but I am also not a psycho that enjoys murdering misguided little girls.”

So many ponies nearby spluttered at my words, that the garden basically got an improper (and disgusting) watering in mist form.

Wordlessly, I held out my hand again.

I felt my eyebrow twitch again, as Twilight just stared at it. Again.

“Well?” I asked dryly. “Do we have a civilized accord of peace, or should I just walk away and try to ignore you again?” Slowly and meaningfully, I swept my eyes over her bandages. “You know, like last time I didn’t want to fight…?”

That actually got a note of genuine rage from the girl. Not bad enough for her to do that weird ‘rapidash’ thing, but enough that I swear I saw two red dots in the center of her eyes. “I was trying to help!”

“And I was trying to survive,” I snarled at her, making her flinch away instantly. “Because four days ago I didn’t know anything about this world. I learned about the local belief that magic is friendship hours ago! I didn’t know this world has gryphons until yesterday!” I poked Twilight hard in the chest. “So just how inflated is your thrice damned ego that you think I should have just known you were actually on the damned level!?”

Twilight let out a outraged gasp and leaned towards me. “You think I’d lie about wanting to help?! What kind of disharmonious dishonest pony would even do something that horr-!”

Twilight cut herself off mid-sentence, blinking up at me. I folded my arms over my chest and just looked down at her with a level look.

“...Oh.” Twilight wouldn’t look at me, as she started rubbing her cast awkwardly with her good hoof. “...I’m sorry, Mr. Dresden.”

I nearly had to clear my ears out on pure principle. Did I actually just…?

“...I’m not thinking straight right now,” Twilight continued in a voice a church mouse would have towered over. “I should have thought things over from your perspective, but…” Twilight was at a loss for words for quite a few moments. “...None of the ponies we’ve ever gone up against has ever… used the level of combat magic you’ve got against us. I saw that arch you showed AJ and Rarity, and I just…”

Twilight shivered, and when she talked next I actually had to Listen to hear her. (Another part of the Dresden package, but now was not quite the time to think it over.) “...And I couldn’t help but imagine one of my friends hit by that.”

I have to admit, even I simply had to wince on hearing that. That my little earth magic demonstration would be taken that way had… simply not occurred to me.

“...Look,” I told Twilight in a voice kind enough it actually slightly surprised even me. Her ears perked slightly, but that was the only sign she was listening. “I’m sorry as well. I’d been falling through this... void thing for who knows how long, before dropping out a couple of kilometers up in the air. If I’d been thinking a bit straighter, I wouldn’t have gone for such heavy spells.”

I ignored a muttered ‘Yeah, right...’ from guess who’s direction.

“...Chalk it up to the worst first-impression in living memory, and start over?” I offered my hand again. I hesitated for just a moment… before deciding on offering something else as well to show my sincerity. “Name’s Björn, but I go by Harry. It’s a wizard thing where I’m from. I’ve heard you’re something of a practitioner yourself…?”

Have to admit. Once you actually managed to coax it out of her? Twilight had an honestly radiant smile.

Pointy and gleaming enough that I winced internally for whatever poor stallion she might get over-eager with on her wedding night, but radiant nonetheless.

And no sooner had I returned that smile, taken her hoof… when the sky started falling.

I am not even kidding. Something finally went my way, and the sky started falling.

OK, OK… it was more like day and night broke, but I’d argue that’s about as bad.

“...So,” I deadpanned, staring up at the ribbons of day and night flickering over the sky as if the stratosphere had been turned into a glitchy video-game cartridge, “is this about an average week for you girls?”

“Meh,” Pinkie sighed out, sounding… oddly disappointed, “night and day being bucked up is just so three seasons ago.” I lowered my gaze, only to see that the girl somehow had gotten a black beret and thick rimmed glasses from nowhere. Pinkie waved a hoof dismissively at the sky, clearly rolling her eyes behind those spectacles of hers. “At least Black Snooty did it back when it was still cool.”

I got this strange, strange feeling that a joke had just whistled over my head. One on the level of actually hearing the sound of one hand clapping and finding out that it is nothing more than a five dimensional fart joke, or something.

Let us say the girl suddenly set off enough ‘Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!’ alarms in my head for Things Man Was Never Meant To Know for me to have no problem believing her tale of ‘great-great-grandpa Tekeli-li.’

“For the record, girls?” I added as an afterthought, as I cracked my neck and started trying to figure out how to beat some sense into the sky itself. “I’m starting to feel rather homesick for my magic-less, global Everfree where it’s nice and safe.”

I got a few nervous giggles for that one, but not many.

I looked down at the nervous looking winged unicorn whose hoof I was still holding. “So, we cool?”

“...Uh, sure?” Twilight said with a hesitant smile.

“Good.” I said, flashing a smile before dropping her hoof and walking over to my gear.

“So in my —admittedly limited, experience, the sky doesn’t go freaky like this without a twit twirling his or her mustache nearby.” I continued, as I struggled into my duster. “Wanna pool resources and go punch him or her in the face until the bastard stops?”

Rarity let out a wince, and apparently took up the torch of telling me what everypony nearby was thinking. “Dresden… that isn’t how we do things here in Equestria, and is the... language really necessary?”

I just pointed to the bands of night and day, my form briefly illuminated by the fragment of a cloudy day drifting by. “Oh golly gee, Lady Rarity, I am sure the person that has apparently done dreadful enough things to mess with two physical goddesses is but a tea-party and a stern talking to away from forsaking his or her poopy-head ways.” My duster and hat on again, I leaned my head to the side, using my hands as a pillow and batted my eyelashes at the six irritated looking mares. “Why, I’m sure we’re just playing for a bit with our wee little dollies together from being the bestest of friends!”

Applejack’s right eyebrow started twitching. “An’ just what happened to the weird but polite stallion I traded ma’ hat to four days ago...?”

“He spent two more days beating cockatrices away with a stick to reach this town, only to see two out of four ponies he’s met in this whole dimension he actually respects come at him with magical super weapons the morning after.”

Both Rarity and Applejack flinched slightly, and wouldn’t quite look my way for a moment.

“Oh, and I do believe he gets rather sarcastic and mean-spirited when cranky.” Finishing putting on my force rings, I put the hand to my mouth and stage whispered: “Don’t tell anyone. I think the other half of Canterlot hasn’t heard yet.”

I tried to not read much symbolism into it… but this shard of a moonlit but starry night came drifting over me as the girls frowned.

But the girls themselves? The girls remained right underneath a warm sun. Not as much as a cloud obscuring the light over them.

Yeah, this world didn’t seem to like me very much. Honestly, it was such a blatant ‘look at the bad-guy tempting the pure maidens’ vibe it would have frankly been funny if fictional.

But it wasn’t fictional. Somehow I’d ended up the ‘dark’ wizard in a land full of pastel ponies.

I barely fought down a snort as I leaned down and picked up my blasting rod. Fuck that. I was no saint, but there was no way I’d go ‘Darth Dresden’ on this place.

Even Quentin had standards… and I wasn’t that bastard. Not anymore.

As I got up, however, this red gleam caught my eye.

So… If I was on the ‘dark’ side, the girls on the ‘light’ one…

Just what did that make my now ex-staff, wood so fresh and shiny it gleamed; the tiny ruby still tied to it with string sparkling red in its own private sunbeam?

I just barely fought down a snort. I’m a freaking wizard now…

I failed on the wide grin, though.

And two may play the symbolism game.

So I got to my feet, and strode with purpose into the light.

Perhaps it was just my imagination… but when I stood for a moment there in the twilight, shielding my eyes against the sudden glare? It was subtle as heck, but I’m certain I saw more than a few ponies shiver, the Element bearers in particular.

Heck, ‘Dashie’ even looked slightly queasy, and confused over why. She still had enough presence to continue hovering, but she kept doing those ‘somebody just walked over my grave’ glances over her shoulder.

As if the world had just gone off script, and the other actors had a mental ‘Wha…?’ at suddenly needing to perform improv.

I took the last few strides over to my ‘staff’ and yanked it out of the soil. I then tried to channel some magic through it… but nothing happened. Zip whatsoever. I could feel the magic moving around… but it was like trying to stir a cauldron of toffee with a piece of string.

The runes, now looking so wrong and amateurish to me, didn’t even light. The hockey stick in my hand was now about as magical as a used car salesman’s smile.

Again.

Chuckling, I undid the small string and put the first gem I’d ever found into my pocket. “Oh well, there goes a few weeks of my time…”

I was frankly… relieved. I’d always done my best with a foe to best, be it some punk with a chain, Quentin, myself…

And now the bleeding Destiny of this world apparently thought I’d make a wonderful mustache twirler of the week. Honestly hadn’t even noticed until it screwed up with that light and dark symbolism a six year old could have read.

“Förlåt mig, lilla öde…” I murmured in a happy voice as I throw down my broken staff. “...men det finns inte en jävla chans att jag ger mig så lätt. Om du vill ta ifrån mig min magi så behöver du anstränga dig betydeligt mer än bara det här.”

I actually felt this subtle shift in the magic around me… and the band of moonlit night all but lunged at me. With another chuckle, I just took a step further back into the light.

“And just what was that?!” Dashie, clearly on edge, demanded of me.

I turned with my hands in surrender and a genuine smile on my face. “Just something of a small… oath, you could call it. Don’t think you’d care for a translation, but being my type of wizard is a lot of work.” I gave a shrug and folded my arms. “Going to take me quite a few weeks of carving to get a new staff.”

Dashie was clearly not believing my words from how the girl was visibly fuming, but ‘luckily’ it seemed the sky being in the state it was served as a bigger distraction. With a ‘gha!’ she landed and punched the dirt, clearly almost as frustrated with me, as not being able to figure out just why she’d gotten this angry again.

In that moment, I honestly pitied her. To be such a pawn of fate, and not even realize it...

I pointed up at the broken sky, and wiggled the finger as a metronome. “Tick, tock, ladies. Don’t know how soon it tends to set in for ponies, but I doubt global panic is any more pleasant a concept in this realm.” I crossed my arms again with a shrug. “You intend to help, or should I just get going…?”

The six were clearly uncomfortable in ways I doubt most of them even had words for, but the words ‘global panic’ all but lit a fire in their eyes.

“So that’s the fabled ‘Heroism’ thing, huh?” I murmured absently with my head tilted in thought. “Always was more of a ‘Defiance’ man, myself...”

The girls went into a huddle. Cute, I’d grant it that.

I just leaned against the nearest wall, and kept my finger wiggling back and forth. Tick, tock, tick, tock…

I gave it about a minute of insistent whispers before snorting and leaning off from the wall. “Well, girls… I’m not wasting any more time while the sky’s looking like that. You want to work at cross purposes, then that’s fine too.” Couldn’t quite keep an edge out of my voice as my eyes drifted over the girls, but a certain Crayola brain with her shoulders set hard in particular caught my gaze. “I frankly find it rather hurtful you’d think I’m such a short-sighted fool I wouldn’t put aside whatever ‘dread plans...’” I rolled my eyes at the words and made air-quotes, just to drive it home how stupid I thought they were being.

Dashie started grinding her teeth, glaring at me. The others looked quite doubtful, though.

“...I’ve got brewing to stop what might possibly be a mass-extinction event if unresolved, but I get it.”

That got a rise out of the crowd; this anxious murmur just a few notes short of panic rising into the air all around…

Never been that good with one-on-one… but crowds? Those I had a small gift in steering. Not nearly as good a perk in real life as the movies might convince you, but it had its moments.

So I put two fingers into my mouth and let out a bull-whistle that made every pony nearby wince and clutch for their ears. I waited a moment or two for them to recover, before cupping my mouth with my hands and shouting: “Show’s over! If you can’t help directly, than at least go home and don’t add any problems!” I turned slowly, making sure to make eye contact with as many as possible. “Those of you that can conjure lights, do so for the others!”

Luckily, the few guards present rose to the challenge and started echoing my sentiment.

I watched for a few moments. Not sure if some ‘herd’ instinct was at play or if it was just the Canterlot ponies being that jaded… but people started ever so slowly filter off in a semi-ordered fashion. That was the important bit.

I gave a nod, before striding off; my work-boots making no sound on the soft dirt.

I was halfway into the still lit, if now abandoned, kitchen when Twilight tried calling me back. “Dresden, wait!”

“Are you crazy, Twi?!” Guess who shouted, making my eyebrow start twitching slightly in expiration. “There’s no way we can trust that guy!”

I got the oddest darn feeling I should smirk evilly at hearing that. Instead, I let out a deep snort and stalked off again without even turning around. “Right back at you, you Technicolor idiot.”

Don’t ask me how, but I actually heard the idiot in question drop her jaw.

I stopped only when I’d gotten to the doorway next to the burned out stove. Resting one hand on the frame, I looked over my shoulder. “Last call, Ladies, or the cavalry rides out without you.”

Now, I’m no Weatherwax… but I’ve read a story or fifty in my day. And now? I swear, I could almost hear something howling in pain; just on the edge of even my magical senses. As if I’d just torn the legs off some dread and almost forgotten beast.

Have to admit… seeing the PPP drop to the ground, suddenly wincing from the mother of all headaches? Managed to keep that smirk of my face, but damn was it close.

“Rainbow!” Fluttershy shouted, darting over to the girl and almost making me face-palm on principle. Seriously, just what is up with the names in this realm? “What’s wrong?!”

“I...I-I-I don’t know!” Rainbow stuttered out, only to sink down and clutch her head. “Everything just feels w-w-wrong!”

If I was destined to be a villain? Well, I sure wasn’t going to waste it going after the minions. And for that matter, I had some choice words on picking five of the cutest darn girls I’d ever met to fill that role.

Choice as in Latin for ‘Die,’ ‘Pain,’ or ‘Disembowel,’ just to name a few.

On spotting something just perfect hanging on the kitchen wall to throw at the sixth ‘ranger’ though? Oh, I smiled wide on spotting that, alright.

So calmly I turned, walked over, took it down…

And effortlessly kicked the first-aid kit over the slick floor towards the girls.

For just a moment, Rainbow’s bloodshot eyes locked onto the small kit… then her back arched in a spasm hard enough she looked like an equine upside-down U and this ragged scream seemingly coming from the bottom of her very core tore itself out of her throat.

I actually winced on seeing the girl go into spasms, all her horrified friends piling on top of her to stop Rainbow from hurting herself.

I let out a small puff of breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. Yup, definitely going to have to kill the Destiny of this realm on principle. Not sure if I could pull it off, but I’d definitely try if I ever managed to draw a bead on the bastard.

Not even Rainbow deserved this.

Ironically, my tiny bit of compassion just made it worse. She’d already been spasming, but that grew into what looked just like an epileptic fit; Rainbow’s eyes rolling back into their sockets and her foaming at the mouth, and everything.

Red foam.

There was even small streams of red, dripping down from her eyes. Not that you could see the latter with how they’d rolled up into her skull, but still.

And for a moment I was just… mortified. Standing there utterly slack-jawed at what I was seeing.

What type of sick force does that, to what was clearly little more than an immature girl? And for somebody else’s defiance, at that?

I hesitated for just a moment, staring at the trashing mare… then I came to my decision.

As I turned and left to try to help, Rainbow let out another scream; this time muffled into little more than a disturbing gurgle I was frankly certain would haunt my nightmares.

And that was about the time a clear blue aura tinkled into life all around me, lifting me clean of the ground and slamming me into the far wall beyond the kitchen.

Naturally, I ‘landed’ with a picture frame straight in the ribs. I barely had time to fight down the wince before being unceremoniously and roughly flipped over onto my back.

I could just barely see Fluttershy and Twilight over the now merely twitching Rainbow; seemingly administrating what first-aid they could using that kit.

I was however rather preoccupied with the sight of Rarity stalking towards me. Teeth bared, and flanked by her two remaining nervous looking friends that seemed to be keeping their enraged friend almost as much in their field of view as me.

And it was a good stalk. Barely a movement wasted, and her whole body tensed to spring if needed to. In that moment I frankly had no problem imagining why ponies had risen to become alpha-predators in a world with dragons. The speed and endurance of a horse, mixed with the lethal grace of a great cat, the intelligence of a person and freaking telekinetic powers all on top of that?

Talk about a complete game-breaker. Frankly, I had a harder time imaging why pegasi and earth ponies hadn’t been left in the dust, Cro Magnon and Neanderthal style.

“Mr. Dresden,” Rarity commanded in an icy voice through bared fangs, as she stalked closer to me with her face set into a hard snarl and her horn blazing with power, “care to tell me why Rainbow Dash had that happen to her, after you throw her a medical kit…?”

Of course, since Rarity seemed to have quite a bit more common sense slash predatory drive than Twilight, all I actually got out thanks to the whole-body TK grip was: “Mmpp.”

Seemingly not in a rational enough mood for my Pyro impression, Rarity sank down a bit further into an outright battle stance; letting out this low hiss that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I didn’t take my eyes of the irate unicorn or her two mortified earth pony friends…

But this small part of me noted with wry amusement that the hallway-clock in the corner of my vision hadn’t even passed 10 o’clock yet.

Yeah… definitely was going to be one of those ‘Dresden’ type days.

Author's Notes:

Ponies implied to be Friendship obsessed eldritch abominations?!

In a Dresden story?!

Never heard that one before!

Seriously though and jokes aside, say ‘Hello’ to newbiedoodle, the newest editor!

And we now have an actual plot, Ladies and Gentleman!

To be fair, ruling royalty getting punched in the face? Tends to have fallout, even without extra-dimensional wizards doing so using strange magic in broad-daylight.

Oh, and I have no intention of just re-doing season four but with a ‘green-ranger’ added from nowhere. Just for the record. I’m going somewhere with this insanity.

Trivia: Original title for this chapter was: Chapter Six - The completely ordinary day were nothing bad whatsoever happens!

Just too long, and a bit on the nose. I like the current pun much better anyway.

God’s death is a real traditional Nordic swear, by the way. (Guds död, in Swedish) It’s a bit rare thanks to the current trend of multiculturalism and people simply not wanting to offend, but it still pops-up every now and then. It’s about comparable in strength to ‘fucking hell,’ for those of you linguistically curious.

Oh, and that line in untranslated Swedish? More or less spells-out completely what direction the story will go, so translate it on your own risk.

Still, for those of you simply too curious…

*Forgive me, little fate... but there is no damned chance I'll give up this easy. If you want to take my magic away you'll have to try much harder than this.'

Horse Feathers - A tale from the Humans Acting Villainous verse

by Lord Of Dorkness

Prologue - A Glimpse of Ice and Fire

Chapter 1 – Semioutomagical Upgrade

Chapter 2 - Harry Dresden, World Class Diplomat

Chapter 3 - Heresy!

Chapter 4 - It's Only a Model

Chapter 5 - Had I the Heavens’ Embroidered Cloths...

Chapter 6 - Sticks And Stones? Bah, Amateurs....