A Thanks and a Reason · 12:35am
When I joined this site, life felt like a burden. I don't want to go into details--I hope you'll all forgive me--but life was essentially just a jagged chunk of rock that I was trying to roll from one place to another, without it rolling back and killing me beneath it. I didn't really have anyone. I'd lost my friends, fallen out with my family, and had become a little too secluded for my own good. To be honest, this account was almost never made, because I almost wasn't here to make it.
But something changed my mind, and I suppose for that, I'm thankful. Soon after, I made this account. I'd seen the show--I loved the show. It was something so nice, so colorful and happy and it just made me feel good inside, and that little seedling of happiness was something well cherished. Sound cheesy yet? Well it should, there's enough cheese in it to cook up a grilled cheese the size of Canada. But it's true, I took I very deep liking to the show, because it took my mind to a happy place when there really just wasn't one elsewhere. And with that liking, came my wont to inject my own little bits into the show, mainly romance to curb that sense of loneliness that had pervaded my mind like a pathogen. And so I wrote that awful LyraxTrixie (Lyxie?) fic, that started me off.
And sure, writing had already been a hobby of mine, one of the few I cared to continue, but I'd never been very good at it. But making stories here, in this universe, and then subsequently seeing that others liked what I had written, helped to refill my depleted ego, and even helped me to revalue myself after a period of feeling absolute worthlessness. And so I wrote and wrote and had fun.
For that I'd like to thank everyone who has read, or will read, my works. They're nothing of literary genius, but they're all special to me, from the trainwreck I called Cantervania to my magnum opus of All the Stars in the Sky. To everyone who read, liked, disliked, commented, criticized, etcetra, thank you for just being there. I needed you all, I really did. I needed someone, and I needed something, and this was it.
Eventually, I just started to not like the show so well. I love the first two seasons, but the third and fourth kind of did it in for me. And I started to not need it like I did at the beginning. You see, now, I'm in steady employment and I have friends and my family loves me, and so I have something again. I don't know exactly what that something is--that reason to live and continue, but I have it. Sometimes it dims, becomes a little lambent light far away in the darkness, and sometimes it's so bright and hot that I'm on fire. But I haven't lost it again, not yet.
Now I'm just so busy that I hardly have time to write anything. I'd like to write more here, but when I come to this site, I feel, well, I don't know... nostalgia? A grateful appreciation that one might feel when looking at the epitaph of a friend? But I don't feel the ability to write more here. Maybe sometime I will, maybe not. But I'll always appreciate this site and the people on it, all the good fics, the bad, your fics and mine, the clop and the massive anti clop sentiment, I'll appreciate it all forever. Is that odd? I find myself wondering. To appreciate a site dedicated to cartoon ponies? To claim that writing fanfiction about little colorful ponies on a child's tv show helped me in such a large way? I don't know if it's strange or not, but it's the truth, and it's a truth that I'll always appreciate.
So I don't know if I'll pick up any of my old stories, or write new ones. Some of the ideas that I clacked into my keyboard and posted here are ideas that I sometimes wonder if I could transfer into fiction, fantasy, or science fiction and publish a book. Maybe I will. Melodius Apparatus may see that occur, though not soon, and it would look very different. But we'll see. As I said, I just haven't the time lately. But maybe.
One last time I'd like to say thank you, and offer this little bit of advice to anyone who may find themselves in a dark place, to anyone who thinks that the only way to go is under once and forever: there will always be something, no matter how tiny, strange, shunned, insignificant--there's always a little something. Grab it and run with it, because even if it seems like the dumbest thing in the world, something that will yield no results of any worth, take it. Run with it. Don't let it go. And don't ever forget about it, even when you no longer need it. I certainly didn't think I would get nearly 600 followers, be featured twice, and end up on EQD more than three times. I just wanted to see Lyra and Trixie snuggle up.
Well, this has been a long enough post. I think it's time Pretty Princess Lynked said goodbye, for now, at least. Maybe I'll come back. Maybe not. To all whom I've messaged, befriended, and to all whom have read and enjoyed, even disliked, my works, thank you. You'll never know just how much I needed you, nor just how much I appreciate that you were there. I really do love you all.