A teenager with a fear of horses ends up in Equestria.
Hippophobia: An abnormal and persistent fear of horses. Sufferers of this fear experience undue anxiety even when a horse is known to be gentle and well trained. They usually avoid horses entirely rather than risk being kicked, bitten or thrown. They may also fear other hoofed animals such as donkeys, zebras, mules and... ponies.
Conrad Reiter threw his backpack on the floor with a loud thud and flopped over on his bed. He lay there with his face buried in the pillow, muffled groans just barely escaping the soft, cotton-stuffed fabric. He punched the bed a few times and pressed his face in deeper to let out a scream of anger.
This was the ninth or tenth time those other kids had teased the high school sophomore for his fear of horses. But today was different. One of the kids came in wearing a horse mask and jumped out to scare him. Conrad was on the floor, crying in front of everyone. When the bully removed his mask, Conrad lunged at him, pinning him against the wall and repeatedly punched him in the gut.
Now, in his hand, he held his letter of suspension for starting a fight. The other kid got away with it, saying he was just showing off the mask he got for the school play of Robin Hood.
That bastard gets away with it every time, and I get in trouble, Conrad thought, I'm sick of this. I hate this school. I hate those kids... I hate horses!
He rolled over, then kicked off his shoes when re realized he was still wearing them. Staring up at the ceiling, he wiped his eyes on his sleeve and wished he could escape, go somewhere, if only for a while, where no one would mock him for his fears. More so, he wished he could get over these fears altogether.
As he put on a pair of ear buds and turned on his MP3 player, he sat quietly, still staring at the ceiling until he drifted off to sleep.
Conrad jolted awake and jumped forward, getting to his feet faster than most people could even climb out of bed. He was standing up now, feeling wide awake and bewildered at the same time. He blinked rapidly and looked around.
Instead of his bedroom, he was in a lush, green forest with lots of thick undergrowth and tall trees without any low branches. Light filtered down through the high canopy of leaves, giving the glen he found himself in an almost supernatural look.
"Wow," he said to himself, "this is a nicer dream than I usually have. But where am I?"
Walking into the tree line, Conrad frequently looked left and right, trying to find either a landmark or some way out of the woods. A root sticking out of the ground caught his foot, causing him to trip. He picked himself up, brushed off the dirt, and realized something new: his lip was bleeding.
"Wait a minute..." He faced the tree next to him and gave it a solid punch. He quickly recoiled from the pain and grabbed his hand. "Ow, jeez!" He seethed at the pain. "OK, so this isn't a dream. Then how did I get in the woods? I don't even live near any woods!"
The reality of the situation began to sink in. Oh, crap. I'm lost in the woods, no idea where, and I don't remember coming here. It's not a dream, and I couldn't have sleep walked here. That leaves one other possibility... He gasped at the conclusion he came to. "I've... I've been kidnapped!"
Panic set in, followed by adrenaline. "Help!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, but received no answer. "Hello! Anyone! I don't know where I am! Help!"
Having no bearings and no one around, Conrad decided his only option was to pick a direction and go. Running the way he already was, towards the setting sun, he eventually came to a shallow river.
The water was crystal clear, and had colorful, smooth, round stones of varying sizes under the surface. It reminded Conrad that he was thirsty. He knelt down and cupped his hands in the water, bringing it up to his mouth to drink. After quenching his thirst, he wiped his mouth and looked around. The trees on the other side were thinner than this side, and above them seemed to be pillars of light smoke rising into the sky.
Conrad heaved a sigh of relief and bent down, putting his hands on his knees as he caught his second wind. Civilization! I thought I'd never find it!
Jumping from stone to stone, Conrad reached the other side and started in the direction of the smoke. He stopped short on the river bank when he heard a twig snap. He froze in place, barely moving his head to face the source of the noise.
The bushes to his right began to rustle, and a creature began to emerge. Conrad saw the muzzle first, and then the rest of the head. A brown creature with a darker brown mane that was spiked backwards down its neck. His breath caught when he realized he was looking at a pony. Not a horse, but it scared him all the same.
His heart nearly stopped when the pony looked at him with its unusually large eyes, and then turned its head towards him. Conrad gulped and took a step back. His face turned pale as the pony began to approach him.
Just stay calm. It won't attack if I stay calm. He was visibly sweating and trembling now, his heart racing. "N-nice pony... g-good pony..."
The brown stallion was completely out of the brush now. Conrad noticed something curious about it: someone had branded him with a picture of an hourglass on his flank. What was even more curious was the pony was now making facial expressions at him, slightly frowning with one eyebrow raised.
Conrad tensed up when he saw the pony open his mouth. "Excuse me? Are you lost?"
Every bit of color in Conrad's face drained away. Everything went dark for him as he lost consciousness and fell face first on the ground.
The pony leaned down and gave the strange new creature a curious sniff. "Oh, dear. And I'm not the right kind of doctor for this."
Rays of sunlight filtered in through the window, bathing Conrad's face in a warm glow. He slowly opened his eyes, unable to make out any shapes, and put his hand on his head to find a warm, wet cloth on him.
"Oh, you're awake," a voice from nearby said in a British accent, "Not much of a fall, but you hit your head on a hard spot. Knocked you out for a couple hours."
Conrad groaned and tried to sit up, but the blurry figure beside him held him down with one arm.
"Whoa, there. Take it easy, now. How are you feeling?"
"Like I just got bricked," Conrad replied, "I can't see well. Where am I?"
"You must have jarred your eyes, or got sand in them. I'm not sure." The person beside him exchanged the wash cloth for a new one. "I brought you to my house after you passed out. Can you remember anything?"
"I think..." Conrad thought for a moment and then bolted upright. "I was kidnapped!"
"Kidnapped? By whom?"
He shook his head. "I... I don't know. I went to sleep at home after I got back from school, and then I woke up in the woods. I think someone abducted me in my sleep and left me out there."
Conrad's rescuer gasped softly. "This is very serious. Tell me, what is your name?"
"Conrad. Conrad Reiter. And you?"
"My name is Time Turner," the man beside him said, "Although for some reason, others have nicknamed me The Doctor." At this, he adjusted his bow tie, despite the fact that Conrad couldn't see it.
"Wait, Time Turner? What kind of name... is... that..." Conrad blinked and rubbed his eyes as his vision refocused.
Where he thought he saw a man before was now the sharpening image of the pony he'd encountered in the woods. The stallion with the spikey mane happened to also be holding the wash cloth from before on his hoof, and his expression showed clear concern for a pony face.
No words were spent, and it only took half a second for Conrad to react. He flipped. Literally tumbling backwards off the bed with a yelp and a loud thump, Conrad scrambled to get on the farthest side of the room from the pony.
"Mr. Turner? I'm sorry if I insulted you! Please! Call off the pony!"
Turner raised an eyebrow at him. "Call off the... what the buck are you talking about?"
Conrad gulped and went pale. He screamed and grabbed the door handle, ripping it open and dashing outside as fast as his feet could carry him. He tripped on the awkwardly-sized stairs and rolled down, but didn't let that faze him. There was a talking pony on the loose, and judging by the clip-clop noise coming from above, it was after him.
He ran through the front room filled with all kinds of clocks and hour glasses and made a beeline out the door, turning the corner and heading straight back for the woods where hopefully he could lose the crazy pony and get back to human civilization.
"Wait! Stop!" Turner was hot on his heels, galloping fast and closing the gap. "Don't go in there! That's the Everfree!" He skidded to a halt as Conrad jumped a bush and breached the tree line. He caught his breath and looked inside, wondering if it was safe to follow. "Conrad! Come back!"
Conrad kept running until he was out of breath. Once he was out of earshot, he stopped completely and slumped against a heavy tree, allowing himself a moment to rest.
"Ponies," he panted, "Why did it have to be ponies?"
A rustle and a snapped twig followed by the sounds of wood clacking together alerted him. He saw several new creatures that resembled wolves, but their bodies were covered in some kind of wooden plates, and their eyes glowed without any moonlight.
"I am gonna die," Conrad lamented and slowly got to his feet.
The wolves snarled and moved closer, daring him to try anything.
Hoof falls heralded the arrival of yet another being, and Conrad found himself faced yet again by Time Turner.
The pony turned his flank to the human and looked back at him. "Get on!"
Conrad pressed back against the tree, legs squirming uncomfortably as they tried to back him farther away. "N-no! I can't!"
"Get on NOW!"
"NO!" Conrad slipped around the tree and ran back the way he came.
Turner rolled his head and sighed. "Oh, for Celestia's sake! This boy is going to get himself killed!" He looked at the wolves who were licking their chops. "Sorry, good timberwolves, but I'm afraid I can not stay for dinner."
He raised his right forehoof and then clopped it on the ground. As soon as he did this, his image blinked away without a trace.
The timberwolves looked around in confusion. They sniffed the air and caught their original quarry's scent and gave chase.
Conrad could see the tree line in front of him now. He was almost there.
"What was that about?!" Turner popped up and beraged him.
Conrad stopped so hard, he flipped himself over and somersaulted forward, landing on his back.
Turner helped him up and turned his back to him again. "Get on me now, or you'll die!"
Conrad looked back, hearing their persuers howling not too far away. He gulped and cautiously climbed onto Turner's back, wraping his arms tight around his neck.
Turner reared up slightly, causing Conrad to gasp and hold on tighter, then shot forward through the brush, leaving the predators behind in the dark of the forest.
The sun was almost completely set when they got back to Time Turner's house. The pony reared back again, all the way this time so his rider fell off and landed on his butt. He turned around and looked him in the eyes.
"What was that back there? We could have made an easy getaway if you'd listened to me!" Turner scolded the cowering human, "What in Celestia's name was going through your head! We're lucky they didn't chase us all the way into town!"
The human wasn't listening. He was lying in a half fetal position with his arms covering his face. His cheeks were wet with tears, and his whole body was shaking. "I'm s-sorry! Please, don't hurt me!"
Turner raised his head and snorted. "Why would I save you if I meant you harm?"
"Cuz h-horses always a-attack m-me." Conrad was sobbing quietly into his sleeve.
"First off, I'm a pony," said Turner, "and second, I find that very hard to believe. Equestria is a peaceful land."
"Equestria?" Conrad lowered his arm, but didn't make eye contact with Turner, "What is Equestria? I've never heard of it." He sucked in air through his running nose, making a high-pitch snort noise.
"But that's... impossible." Turner looked at Conrad incredulously. "Equestria takes up almost a quarter of the world! Where are you from?"
"V-Virginia."
Turner narrowed his eyes. "I've never heard of that. Which means either you come from very, very far away, or..." He raised both eyebrows. "...you're lying."
"I'm not lying!" Conrad shouted, "I've never heard of this place!"
Turner clicked his tongue. "Calm down now. Nopony's accusing you of anything."
An awkward silence passed.
"Tell you what," Turner began, "How about you stay the night here? We can explain things to each other in the morning, and you can take some time off and recover from whatever trauma you maybe suffering. Sound good?"
Conrad shook his head. "N-no, I can't. I have to go." He started to crawl away, but Turner cantered over and blocked his path.
"I'm sorry, but in your condition, I'm afraid you don't have a choice."
Conrad's eyes snapped open and he sat upright in the spare bed he'd slept in the night before. Normally he wouldn't be up so quickly, but he'd been jolted awake by a nightmare about ponies made of wood trying to eat him.
It was only about 5 AM, according to the several clocks on the wall. The human climbed out of bed and slowly tip-toed down the hall, being careful not to make the floor squeak. Time Turner was still in bed, mumbling something about pears in his sleep. Conrad sneaked past as quiet as a mouse, and made his way to the living room.
He wanted to stop and admire all the intricate and fancy time-related devices Turner kept, but he needed to be out of there as soon as possible. He silently opened the bottom half of the old-fashioned double door, ducked out, and closed it just as carefully.
Once outside, he heaved a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat off his brow. OK, time to find some humans and get out of this little town of horrors.
He slipped into an alley and kept to the shadows. The town he was in, Ponyville as Turner said, was still asleep, save for one pony who lived in a tree. Their lights were on, and there were sounds of some kind of ruckus going on inside, and somepony shouting orders at sonepony else.
Better avoid that place, Conrad thought, and went in the opposite direction. He found his way to a large apple orchard, and immediately, his stomach growled at the sight of them.
He knew it was wrong to steal, but he was in a strange place with no connections and everyone was a pony. He could stick to the shadows and live like an untrained ninja thief, or go out in public and risk being trampled to death.
Eat apples. Feed worms. Eat apples. Feed worms. His stomach growled again, making up his mind for him. "Sorry, karma. Ninjas survive!"
As he stepped into the open, the light around him suddenly and instantly increased. Conrad stumbled and put his arms up. "I'm sorry, karma! I'll be a good ninja, I swear!"
When nothing happened, he openes one eye, and then looked east. The light was coming from the sun, but just a moment ago, barely the tip of it was over the horizon. Now it was more than half exposed.
"Huh..." Conrad scratched his head and looked at the sunrise which wasn't moving anymore. "Did I just... space out or something? Nah." He swatted a hand at the sun dismissively, and then jumped the fence, searching for the perfect apple for breakfast.
Time Turner groaned and rubbed his forehead. "Mmf. No, I told you, I hate pears." His eyes slowly drifted open and his dream faded away. He yawned and smacked his lips, climbing out of bed. Standing next to the window, he stretched his legs and cracked his neck. "Ah, good morning, Equestria. Time to go check on my guest."
He trotted softly through the upstairs hall into the guest room. "Rise and shine, Conrad. Want some break--"
The bed was empty, albeit half-decently made.
"Conrad?" Turner called out, "Are you in here?"
He went downstairs, but found no trace of him there either. He facehoofed. "Celestia's sweet flanks, he's determined to get himself killed!"
Turner galloped out the door and ran down Mane Street in search of any sign of the missing human. The light around him seemed to jump up to a higher brightness, but he chalked it off to simply being too preoccupied with his search to follow the sun's movement.
As he made it further into town, he passed Twilight Sparkle, who was audibly talking to herself about finding a friendship problem. He glanced at her for a second and blinked before carrying on.
After finishing off his breakfast and going for a brisk walk through the orchard, Conrad was feeling his constitution coming back. If he could just observe these ponies, maybe he could find some that were tame enough to approach.
He found his way to the barn he'd seen earlier, and thought he heard crashing noises. The human froze dead in his tracks when he saw a cyan pegasus burst out of the side of the barn, shake splinters of wood out of her mane, and then rush back in. She kicked, flew through, and even ripped huge chunks of wood out of their place with her teeth.
Conrad watched in wide-eyed horror at the one-pony demolition squad. Obviously she wasn't the one to go anywhere near.
A purple unicorn came by and stopped the pegasus with some kind of spell. A few minutes of talking passed, and Conrad tried to move in closer and hear what they were saying. Before he could hear enough to gather any useful information, the pegasus bolted up into the sky, then flew straight down, crashing into the barn so hard that it actually exploded with a mushroom cloud.
Conrad was blown back by the force, and flipped himself upright, being carried by the wind until his feet were on the ground again and he could run away at top speed. All the while, he was shouting every obscenity he could think of, each word drowned out by the resounding boom rolling around him.
He kept running along the outskirts of town, ignoring the few curious onlookers who watched him run by.
He finally stopped after fifteen minutes of solid running, a personal record for him. Collapsing on the ground, he gasped for air, looking like a fish out of water.
After finally regaining some of his stamina, he stood up and kept walking, hoping to get some more distance between himself and the kamikaze ponies.
Conrad found a small cottage on the edge of the forest Turner called the Everfree forest. Standing outside was a yellow and pink pegasus, but instead of demolishing buildings, she was slowly walking around her yard, stopping to nuzzle each of her little animals. She actually seemed rather cute, and squeaked shyly whenever one of her critters popped up beside her.
Conrad smiled as he watched her, but still hid in a tree just in case. The height obviously wouldn't stop a pegasus from reaching him, but at least it gave him enough cover that he wouldn't be easily spotted.
A loud, enraged growl caught his attention, and he climbed higher to get a look at the source of the frightening noise. A grizzly bear was trudging towards the mare, his face twisted in a murderous snarl.
The pony turned around and faced the bear, nonchslantly staring him down.
"No, get out of there, you little idiot!" Conrad said through gritted teeth the way someone would say to the moron who dies by going into a dark room in every horror movie.
"Fluttershy!" a familiar female voice called from behind.
Conrad looked over his shoulder and saw the purple unicorn from before. "Why is she here? Is she following me?!"
He looked back at the pegasus in time to see her dart under the bear and dive-kick it in the back. She grabbed its hind legs and bent its spine almost in half. The bear gnawed its finger, crying in pain and beating the ground. The mare payed it no heed and lifted it up, taking hold of its head and twisting it sideways with a sickening crack. The grizzly fell to the ground, no longer moving.
Conrad gaped and miraculously climbed down the tree without falling out. He sat with his back against the trunk and wrapped his arms around his legs.
Conrad tried to remain hidden as best he could, staying close to areas with foliage to hide in. He'd managed to avoid running into anymore bloodthirsty ponies since witnessing the death of a predator he now felt sorry for.
It was apparent to him now that this place was meant to be an embodiment of his nightmares. These ponies were clearly out to kill. And what of Time Turner? What were his intentions? Conrad shook his head, deciding he didn't want to know.
What had Conrad on edge almost as much as the demented ponies was the sun. Every hour, on the dot, it would jump forward instead of slowly sailing through the sky. It was both surreal and foreboding, like a timer counting down towards something.
Lost in his thoughts, Conrad didn't notice he'd wandered into the Ponyville park. Three fillies were playing ball together when suddenly the ball began to expand, and out burst none other than the purple unicorn from before.
"OK, now I know she's following me!" he whispered to himself.
"Hi giiiirrrrls!" the older mare said with a demented grin, slowly approaching the fillies.
"Oh, uh, hi, Twilight," the normal (or mostly normal) foal said, "How are--"
"Great! Just great!" Twilight's eye twitched, and she moved in closer.
Conrad watched the scene unfold, feeling more and more uneasy as it went on. His fear was slowly being replaced by anger as she started trying to tempt them with a rag doll. Wherever this unicorn went, something got killed or destroyed. And those fillies might be ponies, but children were children, and Conrad wasn't going to just sit by and let some pedophile hurt these girls.
Twilight turned away and clicked her hooves together. "Come on, Twilight! Think, think, think! Aha!" She turned to the fillies and gave them an evil glare. "You are gonna like Smarty Pants, and you are gonna like her a lot!"
He couldn't take anymore. Consequences and karma both be damned, he had to try! He lunged forward, shouting as he ran at the unicorn, "Oh, no you don't!"
Twilight lurched up and turned around in mid-spell cast, firing a string of hearts that hit Conrad square in the chest. He was temporarily levitated off the ground as the hearts were absorbed into him, and then dropped on his bum in the dirt.
The fillies stopped their arguing and fixed there eyes on him.
"I want him!"
"I need him!"
"I really like his mane!"
Conrad rubbed his hip as he got back to his feet. "Wait, what?"
Without any warning, the three fillies were on him, tackling each other and pulling at him. Conrad shouted and tried to get away, but his attempts were futile.
Twilight took a moment to brag about friendship before diving into the fray and getting promptly kicked out. She rolled back and slid right into the hooves of a larger red stallion holding a bucket in his mouth. "Big Macintosh! You've gotta help me save that guy from those girls!"
Mac stared for a second. "Eeyup." He put the bucket down, marched up to the foal melee, and effortkessly plucked the trembling human out from under them.
"Oh, good!" Twilight sighed with relief. "Now, if you could just give him to me for a moment--"
Mac slung Conrad over onto his back and took off. "Nope!"
Twilight watched the huge earth pony run off with the enchanted human and groaned. "Ugh! Get back here with that... thing! Whatever it is!"
"Nope!"
She chased him through the park, attracting attention from other ponies. Conrad recovered from his daze and dropped off Big Macintosh, scrambling to his feet and running in the opposite direction from him and Twilight.
"What's going on here?" a sunbathing mare asked.
"They're chasing after that creature!"
"That incredibly amazing creature!"
Conrad halted and looked behind him. The ponies were all fixed on him, some of them eagerly pawing at the ground. Like racing gates opening up, all the ponies bolted at once towards him at high speed.
"I don't wanna die..." He turned an ran, screaming at the top of his lungs. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
A pegasus swooped down and lifted him up, only to have another try to grab him out of her hooves. He was dropped in front of the oncoming Zerg rush and buried alive under an avalance of drooling ponies.
Big Mac dug in and carried him up to the surface, trying to keep him out of reach of everypony else. Conrad took this chance to jump on the ponies' heads down to the ground, and took off again. An explosion behind him was followed by a series of ponies flailing through the air. Big Mac stood triumphantly where the hoard once was.
"Nope!"
Meanwhile, Twilight came back to her friends in time to stop Rainbow Dash from gazing at Conrad. "Don't look at him!"
"What's going on, dear?" Rarity asked her.
"I don't know! I tried to enchant my Smarty Pants doll, but that guy got in the way, and I enchanted him instead, and now everypony's chasing him!"
"Why would you enchant your doll?" Fluttershy asked.
"Because I couldn't find a friendship problem, so I decided I would make a problem so I coukd write my friendship report to the princess! But I haven't got my report done, and the day is almost over!"
"Not almost." Applejack pointed to the sun, which was now setting at normal speed.
Twilight slumped to the ground in defeat as a shimmering ball of light appeared in the sky.
"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"
Conrad stopped short and tripped over himself at the sight of the royal white alicorn that had appeared out of nowhere, shouting the name of the pedophile he'd failed to stop earlier.
If that red one was big, she was enormous! Easily taller than him, and radiating power and commanding authority. The very sight of him made every joint in his body buckle down, and he collapsed like a bunch of broccoli.
The princess's horn lit up, and she emited a wave of magic that broke the spell controlling everypony around her.
The townsponies looked at Conrad and shrugged, then went their own ways. The only one who stayed was Big Macintosh, who slumped the catatonic human over his back and whinnied victoriously, galloping back to Sweet Apple Acres.
Big Macintosh carried Conrad into the barn a dropped him onto a pile of soft hay. He nudged the human's face with his muzzle, and sat down, watching him tremble and mumble incoherent nonsense.
Conrad's brain was over-clocked, essentially trying to reboot and proccess all that had happened that day. He'd survived a colorful nuclear explosion, witnessed a murder/animal cruelty, and narrowly escaped a stampede more vicious and deadly than a herd of Beliebers. Everything after that was a blur.
Fragments began to piece themselves together like chunks of a jigsaw puzzle now, and the last moments came back to him. A red stallion, one that he swore he'd seen somewhere before, had picked him up and carried him away through the dark.
Oh, no! It's him!
He jumped up and scrambled back against a ladder that he began to climb up it backwards, keeping his eyes on the red earth pony that had rescued/abducted him.
"K-k-keep away from me! I mean it!" Conrad held his hand in front of himself defensively.
Mac stared up at the creature that was nimbly climbing up the ladder in a way nopony else had ever done, to his knowledge. His face bore a look of innocent confusion. Poor thing. Probably all scared after that stampede. But I'm the one who was protecting him. He shouldn't be scared of me, should he?
"Please," Conrad begged, "please let don't hurt me!"
Mac tilted his head. "OK."
Conrad blinked. "W-wait... really?"
"Eeyup."
"Conrad! Thank Celestia, you're here!"
Conrad and Big Mac both looked at the barn door and found Time Turner standing there.
"I don't have much time. You have to listen to me!" Turner said.
"I'm listening," Conrad said meekly.
"This is absolutely essential to your survival," Turner said sternly.
Conrad gulped. "I'm listening intently..."
"Good," said Turner, and he cleared his throat, "Now Conrad, you need to understand that whatever I tell you to do, you must do it. It's for your own good. That being said, there is somepony you definitely need to avoid."
Conrad glanced down at Big Macintosh, who was still watching Turner.
"Her name is Lyra," Turner continued, "Lyra Heartstrings. She knows about humans, and has been secretly obsessed with them for some time, it seems. She was also in the stampede, but it wasn't Twilight's want-it-need-it spell that made her chase you."
"Want what spell?" Conrad asked.
Turner shook his head. "Never mind that. But on that note, avoid Twilight for the time being too. Understand?"
Conrad stared blankly.
"Conrad!"
The human jumped and shook his head in surprise. "Uh, yeah! Yeah, I got it."
"Good," Turner said, "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go. I'll be arriving soon, and I can't be seen by myself. Safe travels, my friends." With that, Turner clopped his hoof and disappeared in a silent blink.
Conrad gasped. "W-where's he go?!"
Big Mac looked up at him and shrugged.
A moment later, Time Turner galloped in and skidded to a halt. He dropped his head and panted in ragged breaths. "C-Conrad... thank... Celestia..." He trotted towards the others and looked up into the loft. "What in Equestria are you doing up there?"
"Um, n-nothing..." Conrad inched back into the shadows.
Turner looked at Mac. "Has he been shy with you, too?"
"Eeyup."
"Conrad," Turner stepped forward and put a hoof on the ladder, "We need to talk. I know you're frightened, and this is all new to you. But I want to help you. I just need you to trust me."
Conrad clung to the rafter and refused to make eye contact with either pony.
Turner sighed. "Will you at least talk to us?"
Conrad whimpered and shook his head. "Mm-mm."
"Ugh!" Turner groaned, "I don't get it! This isn't just about you being lost. That doesn't explain you running away! What else are you so afraid of?"
Conrad flinched and shut his eyes tight. He mumbled something inaudible.
Big Mac and Turner leaned in closer. "Come again?"
"I'm... scared of ponies."
After an awkward pause, Big Macintosh started to chuckle. "Who's scared ah ponies?"
"Shut up!" Conrad shouted, and immediately shrank back when he realized he just yelled at two 'dangerous animals'.
"Big Mac," Turner held his leg in front of the red stallion and nudged him back, "I don't think he's joking." He looked up at the human. "Why are you scared of ponies? We're a peaceful race."
"Bull shit!" Conrad shouted, "You expect me to believe that after what I saw!"
Now Turner laughed. "Oh, no, that stampede was definitely not normal. That was a mishap with Twilight's magic that--"
"It's not just that!" Conrad whined, "I saw one pony destroy a building on her own, another one kill a bear, and then that crazy purple one, Twilight, is a pedophile! Now I've been abducted by him," he pointed at Mac, "and stalked all over town by you and Twilight!"
The ponies stared incredulously at the human. Turner's mouth hung open.
"I-i-is that... when did you see all this?"
"Today!"
"But that doesn't explain yesterday. Your disposition hasn't changed much since you got here. Something else must have happened."
Conrad frowned and tried to fight back the tears that threatened to burst out of his eyes. He closed them and sighed, knowing he'd have to explain this sooner or later.
"When I was little, I visited a ranch my uncle worked at where, uh, some ponies lived." Probably shouldn't mention humans keep horses as pets. "Well, my uncle offered to let me ride one, and..." He cringed. "I don't know why, but the pony got scared and bucked me off. He... he started panicking and... nearly trampled me. I haven't been able to go near anything with hooves since then.
"But it didn't stop there. All my life, I've been teased by others I went to school with for being scared of ponies. It just got harder for me, and I've been avoiding them all my life."
He expected them to either laugh or be angry, but Turner and Mac bore expressions of understanding and concern. Turner climbed the ladder, slowing his approach when Conrad shied away from him. He put his hoof on the humans shoulder and gently rubbed him.
"Conrad, I can assure you, nopony wants to trample you here. You're our friend now, and we want to help you. Now why don't you come down from here before you slip off this edge or something."
Conrad hesitated, and then cautiously followed Turner down the ladder.
"Good," Turner said with a warm smile, "Now then, let's get you back to my place so you can get some rest."
"Nope." Big Macintosh stood in their path to block the exit.
Turner raised an eyebrow. "Mac, what's wrong?"
"He stays here," Mac said firmly, clopping his hoof on the dirt for emphasis.
Conrad started to feel more afraid and scooted behind Time Turner to hide from Big Macintosh.
"Big Macintosh, what has gotten into you?" Turner asked.
"I'm adopting him."
Conrad and Turner were speechlessly baffled at this. Conrad gulped and inched further behind Turner, then moved more when he noticed he was standing in the bucking zone.
This would definitely not be a good time to mention the horse that nearly killed me looks exactly like Big Macintosh...
"Big Macintosh! Do you understand the responsibilities associated with what you're proposing?!"
"Eeyup."
"We know nothing about humans! Are you sure you can provide for his needs?"
"Eeyup."
"Are you perhaps suffering from residual effects of the want-it-need-it spell?"
"Nope."
"Then why are you so determined to keep him?"
Big Macintosh stopped and looked over at Conrad who was crouched behind a water trough. "Cuz he's scared, and he needs a strong hoof to protect him."
"No offense, my friend," Turner said, raising an eyebrow, "but it's your strong hooves he's afraid of."
"But less ponies will see him if he lives in the barn."
Turner opened his mouth and took a breath to protest, but hesitated instead. "Well, I'm afraid you've got me there."
"That and the future you stopped by and told us that--"
"Ap-bap-bap-bap!" Turner shoved his hoof in Mac's mouth, his eyes wide from being startled. "Future me came here, you say?"
Mac nodded.
"OK, whatever you were going to tell me, don't. I can't hear it, otherwise we'll have a major problem on our hooves."
Mac spat out Turner's hoof. "Like what?"
"Well, if you tell me what I said, then I'd have no reason to come back and say it, which would cause me to not come back and say it which would make us not know it so I would have to come back--"
It was Big Mac's turn to stick his hoof in Turner's mouth. "Ah get the picture. No talking about future Turner."
"Good." Turner smiled. "Well then, I guess we can agree then that Conrad would be better off here. Speaking of which, it's late. Would you mind fetching a pillow and blanket for him while I talk with him real quick?"
"Eeyup." Big Mac turned and trotted towards the house.
Turner went over to where Conrad was hugging his legs again and sat next to the human. "Conrad?"
Conrad turned his head to him.
"Big Mac and I have agreed that it would be safer for you to stay here. I think he still has Twilight's spell on him, but at any rate, he's willing to help."
Conrad nodded.
"You know, you can trust us. We want to help, and we want to be your friends." He put his hoof on Conrad's shoulder, feeling him tense up at his touch. "You at least trust me, don't you?"
"I dunno," Conrad sighed, "I want to, especially since you saved me from those wooden dog things. I just..."
"I understand," Turner said, patting Conrad's shoulder, "Old phobia's die hard. But I've never trampled anyone in my life, and Big Mac is one of the gentlest ponies I know. He's almost as gentle as Fluttershy, and even quieter."
"Who's Fluttershy?"
Turner slowly let out a beath. "Oh, she's this little yellow pegasus with a long pink mane who takes care of animals. I'm sure she'd love to meet you."
Conrad promptly stood up and went for the door. "OK, I've heard enough! I'm going back to the woods."
Turner tapped his hoof and appeared in front of the door. "Now hold on here. What's got your knickers all bunched up?"
"Fluttershy, that 'gentle' pony you mentioned?" Conrad raised his voice. "I saw her kill a bear with her own hooves! And you're saying Mac is almost as gentle as her?! Sorry, but I like my neck in one piece, thank you very much!"
Turner stared in disbelief. "W-what? Fluttershy would never hurt an animal!"
"Ooohhhh! I see!" Conrad seemed to not be scared anymore. "So there's just two yellow pegasi with pink hair that hang around with animals! And it just seems that only one of them kills bears. Well, I feel a whole lot better." He held his arms out wide, emphasizing his sarcasm.
"Now calm down," Turner urged, "I'm sure there is a logical explanation for all this."
"Logical?!" Conrad was getting hysterical now. "What's logical about any of this? I'm stuck on a whole other planet with no way home and I'm surrounded by crazy ponies!" Tears were streaming down his cheeks now. "I'm stuck here... no one knows... where I am." He was crouched down now, holding his face in his hands.
Turner wrapped his forelegs around Conrad in a warm embrace. "Calm down. It's alright. I promise you, I will find you a way home."
"H-how?" Conrad sobbed into Turner's mane.
Turner pulled back and looked Conrad in the eyes. "By figuring out how you got here in the first place. And I know somepony who can help."
Conrad gulped. "M-more ponies?"
"Just one," Turner assured, "And don't worry, she's nice, and well-studied. If anypony would know about humans, she would."
Conrad nodded. "OK."
"Good lad." Turner stood up. "I see Big Macintosh coming back. You promise to stay here, this time? Remember the last two times you snuck off."
"Y-yeah."
"Alright then. I'll see you in the morning." Turner proceeded to exit the barn, nodding to Big Mac as he left.
Big Mac went over to the hay pile and set up the makeshift bedroll. He nodded towards it, motioning Conrad to try it out.
Conrad slowly walked over, pausing when he came near Mac, and then laid down on the blanket, folding the other half over himself. He looked up at Mac and forced a smile. "Thanks."
"Eeyup."
After a pause. "Um, you gonna watch me all night?"
"Nope."
"OK, cuz I think I'll be fine here a--"
Big Macintosh flopped over and rested his head across Conrad's chest.
"Oh, God..." Conrad softly whimpered.
Lyra burst in through the door, bouncing like Pinkie Pie with a hysterical grin on her face. "They're real! They're really, really real!"
"Yes, so you've said," Bonbon lamented, following her room mate into the house, and added under her breath, "for the four hundredth time."
Lyra stopped bouncing and cackled, looking at her friend with a twisted grin. "Oh, yes! Humans exist! And this one's going to be mine! ALL MINE!" She broke into all out maniacal laughter as Derpy loosed a well-timed lightning bolt outside...
The heavy stomp of hooves on the hard dirt floor awoke Conrad with a jerk. Standing over him was a new pony, one with an orange coat, green eyes, and a blond mane topped with a Stetson hat.
"What do ya think yer doin', sleepin' in mah barn?!"
The human reeled back and scrambled back to get away from the mare who was stalking him with a vicious stare.
"H-help!"
"Ah ain't gonna ask ya again," she said firmly, "What are ya doin' in mah barn?"
"Y-your barn?" Conrad whimpered, "I thought this was Big Macintosh's barn!"
The mare raised her head and tilted it to the side. "Y'all know mah brother? Wait a minute..." She squinted and moved in closer. "Ah recognize you..."
Conrad pressed against the back wall, sweat running down his face. "Y-you do?"
She jabbed her hoof in his direction. "Yer that thing everypony was chasin' round town yesterday. Now Ah remember. Big Macintosh musta brought y'all here fer safe keepin'. But why?"
"I-I don't know! He said he wanted to... to..."
The mare raised an eyebrow. "To what?"
"...adopt me."
The mare stared blankly for a moment, her left eye twitched, then she burst out laughing. "Oh, sure! That's a good one!" Her laughter abruptly stopped and she deadpanned at Conrad. "Now don't y'all lie to me, boy."
"I'm not lying!"
"If ya ain't lying, then why would Big Macintosh just up 'n' adopt ya?"
"I-I don't know!" Conrad started panicking again. "I don't even belong here!"
"Yer darn tootin' ya don't belong here!" The earth pony prowled towards Conrad like a lioness about to take down her quarry.
The human looked from side to side, looking for a way out. He was cornered, and the only way out would mean having to get even closer to this evil pony.
Conrad's mind fuzzed out, and instinct took over. He lunched forward with his arms stretched in front of him, pushed the mare's head down, and jumped over her. If he had a more athletic build, he'd have cleared her and went on running, but instead he ended up on her back, riding her backwards. "Oof!"
The mare snorted out her nose. "Whoa nelly! If y'all can grab this bull by the horns, ya best be ready fer a ride!"
"Wait, what?!" His mind snapped back into control just a bit too late.
"Kick 'em up!" The mare bounced Conrad into the air high above her. "Buck 'em out!" Coiling her legs tight, she kicked at just the right moment to send the human flying straight out the door, screaming all the way.
As Conrad sailed through the air, his mind flashed back to the beginning of his time in Equestria, the trouble he'd gotten into, the places he saw, and the friends he made. All two of them. He would have had time to remember back further, but his flight was short lived, and he landed in a water barrel just outside.
The barrel tipped over and spilled out, then began to roll with its passenger still inside, spinning like some ignorant kid who climbed into a clothes dryer. It kept rolling until it was stopped abruptly by the hooves of Big Macintosh.
"Big Mac! Catch that varmint, quick!"
Conrad climbed out, stumbled dizzily, and then clung to Big Macintosh. "B-B-Big Mac! There's a crazy mare after me!"
Big Mac put his foreleg protectively in front of Conrad. "Applejack. Why are ya scarin' mah human?" he said calmly as ever.
"Yer human?!" Applejack skidded to a halt and stared at the bizarre biped hanging onto her brother for dear life, hiding his face in the stallion's mane.
"Yes, mah human," Big Mac said flatly.
"And what in tarnation are ya doin' with that thing in our barn?"
Mac looked at Conrad and reassuringly nudged his shoulder with his muzzle. "Conrad here was lost and needed somepony. And ya don't need a reason to help somepony in need. S'just the right thing to do."
Applejack paused and then sighed, hanging her head down. "Aw, shoot. Ah bucked up big time, didn't Ah?"
"Eeyup."
Applejack walked up slowly and tapped Conrad with her forehoof. "Ah'm real sorry fer scarin' ya like that. Can ya ever forgive me?"
Conrad didn't look at her, but loosened his grip on Mac. "Yeah, I guess so."
The mare softly stroked the human's back, making him cling tighter to Big Macintosh. He seemed oblivious to the irony that he was holding onto a pony to protect him from a pony.
Big Mac nuzzled Conrad and led him back into the barn. "Ah was on mah way to ask ya if y'all were hungry."
"I guess so..." Conrad sad unenthusiastically as he sat back on his bedroll.
Mac nodded. "Alright. Ah'll git ya somethin'. You just sit tight."
Applejack sighed and began to load her apple cart. "Ah best git to work now."
Lyra bounded down the streets of Ponyville, asking everypony she met if they knew anything about the human she saw the day before. After searching all morning, she still hadn't found any leads; everypony had been too dazed to notice where the mysterious creature had disappeared to.
"Hey, Twilight!" she called out, running towards her fellow Canterlot unicorn.
"Oh, hi, Lyra," Twilight said warmly, "I was just heading out to see my friends at the park. What's up?"
"I need to know, did you see which way that human went?"
"Human?" Twilight tilted her head.
"You know!" Lyra stood on her back hooves. "It stands up like this and it has clothes on and a rust color mane?"
"Oh~!" Twilight put a hoof to her mouth and giggled. "Yeah, I was wondering about that too. Big Macintosh carried it off somewhere."
Lyra's eye twitched. "Somepony... took him?"
"Yeah, Big Mac, like I said." Twilight closed the door after Spike came out. "They might be at the farm right now."
Lyra got back on all fours and grinned like a twisted demon. "Re-hee-hee-heeeee-heally?!" She giggled and finished with a squeak, then galloped off towards Sweet Apple Acres.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "What was that all about?" she asked Spike.
"I have no idea, but I'm sure I should be scared to find out."
Big Macintosh took the empty bowl he served Conrad's apple cinnamon oatmeal in and walked back towards the house with it. He stopped when he saw Lyra Heartstrings bounding up the road and remembered what future Turner said about her being dangerous to his human.
He slipped the bowl behind a rain barrel and resumed his usual expressionless stare.
The seafoam green unicorn stopped daintily in front of him. "Hello there, big, red and handsome," she cooed, flutterying her eyelashes at him, "I'm in need of some help, and I think you're just the stallion I'm looking for."
Mac's eyebrows went up ever so slightly. "Mkay?"
"You see, I'm looking for a certain something," she said softly, moving closer to the red stallion, "It's tall, kind of pink colored, and has a short, rusty mane. Seen anything like that around here?"
Big Mac's eyebrows went all the way up now, and then he laughed. "Lyra, yer a pretty mare, but Ah'm savin' mahself fer that special somepony."
Lyra's jaw dropped.
"Don't get me wrong, Ah like ya," Mac said reassuringly, "It's just we haven't even had a formal date. Wouldn't be appropriate to rush that far right now."
The unicorn shook her head rapidly. "N-no! I meant the human! Ugh, Celestia!"
Big Mac resumed his deadpan, but laughed out loud inside. "What human?"
"The one Twilight saw you carrying off." Lyra was showing signs of frustration.
"Oh, him. Ah set him loose in the Everfree."
Lyra nearly jumped out of her pelt. "YOU DID WHAT?!"
"Eeyup," Mac nodded, "Probably left Equestria bah now."
Lyra gaped, and then scowled. "You... You stupid hayseed! Do you realize what you've done?"
Big Mac's eyebrows went up again. "Nope?"
"UGH!" Lyra threw her head back and stomped off. "Never mind! I'll find him myself!"
Big Mac waited until she was out of sight and heaved a sigh of relief.
Conrad peeked out of the barn. "W-was that L-Lyra?"
"Eeyup." He smiled and ruffled Conrad's hair gently. "Ah'm gonna git to work now. Y'all can explore the farm if ya want, y'know, in case ya get bored."
Conrad shook his head. "Not now. I... I need some time to think."
Big Mac nodded, and cantered off into the orchard.
Meanwhile, the displaced human sat on a wooden stool and reached into his pocket. He pulled out his phone and flipped it on. No signal, of course. He sighed and put it away.
"Looks like I'm gonna be here for a while," he said, resting his head in his hands.
"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that."
Conrad startled and looked at the barn door. In front of him stood a very satisfied-looking Lyra Heartstrings.
Lyra cantered nonchalantly back home, levitating a lumpy burlap sack behind her. The sack would have looked suspicious if it had been moving, but thanks to a simple sleep spell, (the magic word happened to be "boo") her prisoner didn't make a peep the entire way. The spray-painted stencil letters that read "APPLES" helped eliminate any suspicions as to the contents of the bag.
The unicorn pushed her front door open and dropped her unconscious victim on her bed, then tossed aside the apple sack. She took a moment to admire the human's body, closely examining his face, pulling his shirt off to look at his furless torso, and even removing his shoes. She didn't care for the smell she found inside the shoes.
The pants were another story; the fastenings were impossible to undo with hooves. Lyra was about to remove them with magic, when she remembered: hands. This thing had hands!
Lyra wrapped her foreleg around his wrist and held his hand up, her eyes fixed on Conrad's five versatile digits. With appendages like these, it was possible humans could have gone far without horns. Who knew what their technology was like?
The human stirred and moaned softly. Lyra gasped and let go of his arm, eyes fixed intently on his every movement.
"Mmf... Where am I?"
Lyra put a hoof on his mouth. "Shhh... Don't speak. You belong to me now." She smiled warmly, but underneath, she was still amazed that he really could speak.
Conrad bug eyed and gasped. "Lyra?!" He pushed her away and scrambled to his feet, bolting for the door.
Lyra frowned and caught him in her aura. She levitated him just a few inches off the ground and slowly pulled him back. "As I was saying," she accented every word, "You. Belong. To me now!" The unicorn turned her human around to face her, her expression looking much like Twilight's.
Are earth ponies the only sane people here?! Conrad wondered, trying to struggle to no avail in Lyra's iron magic grip.
"Now then," said Lyra, setting him down but keeping enough focus on him that he wouldn't be able to run, "You do as I say, and we won't have any problems. We clear?"
Conrad feebily nodded.
"Good." The mare's expression relaxed back into a warm smile. "Now then, you know my name somehow, but I don't know yours. What is your name?"
"Conrad," the human almost inaudibly squeaked.
"Con Rad." Lyra spaced the syllables into two words as she sounded them out. "What an interesting name. What does it mean?"
"I-it's just a name, really." OK, just answer her questions, and maybe she'll let her guard down and I can get out of here.
"I see," said Lyra, "You know, I'm very interested in your hands. I've never seen hands like those before."
Conrad nervously held his hand up for her to see it better.
She giggled. "Oh, I've seen it already. I'm more interested in seeing it in action."
"In... action?"
"Yes." Lyra stared with her eyes filled with curiosity and awe. "Take your pants off."
Conrad stepped back suddenly and tripped over himself, landing on his butt on the hard floor. "W-what?! No!"
Lyra looked confused. "Why not?"
"Because it's wrong to get undressed in front of a girl I don't know! It's indecent!"
The mare laughed. "How is it indecent? I don't have any clothes on. Most ponies rarely wear them for anything other than formal occassions. And I want to learn more about you!"
"No!" Conrad scooted away from her. "I'm not supposed to be with you! Let me go!"
"What?!" Lyra gasped, looking totally offended, "But... nopony else believed in you! You're supposed to love me!"
Conrad stood up and kept backing away. "You're crazy! I just met you! And you're..."
"I'm what?" Lyra growled, tears starting to run down her cheeks.
Conrad started hyperventilating. Lyra's horn was suddenly looking so much sharper than it was before. He reached for the door handle, but a spell from the unicorn made it lock itself. The window shutters closed too and locked up tight.
"You're not going anywhere," Lyra said slowly, her teary frown twisting into a wicked smile.
The human was backed into a corner. Something warm and wet ran down his leg. The fact that her quarry had just wet himself didn't deter the mare at all.
"H-help!" Conrad called out weakly.
Lyra crouched down like a tiger coiled to pounce. "You're going to LOVE MEEE!" She leaped forward, flying through the air at him, hooves forward and ready to pin him against the wall.
Conrad collapsed into a fetal position, shielding his eyes from the adorable hooves of death.
Lyra's face suddenly turned to utter surprise and confusion just a split second before crashing into the wall. Her human had somehow disappeared without a trace.
Silence. No more screaming mares. No getting crushed, trampled, or, God forbid, eaten by a crazed green pony. Conrad slowly opened his eyes and took his hands away from his face.
The room he was in now was immense. The walls were made of the purest white marble, and a red carpet led from a tall double door past a fountain stair case up to an extravegant throne.
He stared dumbfounded before something clicked in his mind. "I'm dead..." A half smile twitched in and out on his lips. "Heh. I'm dead. And it didn't even hurt."
A voice from the other side of the door caught his attention. "Thank you for informing me of him. I'm glad we could reach him in time. I will speak with him now. Please wait for us here."
"Yes, my lady. Thank you for your understanding."
Conrad wanted to move closer and try to identify the voices, but the door started to glow bright gold and opened magically to reveal a very tall and very powerful-looking snow white alicorn with a flowing rainbow mane. Her body was decorated with golden regalia, and her mane waved gently on its own in a nonexistant breeze.
"Hello, Conrad Reiter," the alicorn mare said in a voice that was smooth, motherly, commanding, playful and wise all at once.
It didn't take a PI to deduce this particular pony was especially dangerous, and that was the only thing on Conrad's mind right now.
"Please, don't be afraid," she soothed, "I mean you no harm. My name is Princess Celestia."
Conrad gulped and quickly got down on one knee, lowering his head in reverence.
Celestia giggled silently. "There'll be no need for that, either." She knelt down and touched her horn to his head.
In a golden flash, Conrad suddenly felt his anxiety lift and leave him. Without a hint of irony, he said, "Yes, ma'am," and stood up to look the princess in the eye.
Celestia smiled warmly. "That's better. I'm sure you're wondering how you got here."
The human nodded. "Did I... die?"
Celestia looked surprised, and then laughed. "No, my little human. Your friend Time Turner informed me of your presence here and joined me in a spell that allowed me to bring you here instantly."
"And I am eager to return you there. I wouldn'f think of keeping you away from home a moment longer than necessary. But I regret to say it will take some time before a way to your world can be found."
"I... I understand." Conrad lowered his gaze.
"Do not despair," Celestia said, tilting Conrad's head up with a hoof, "You have good friends who will protect you. You must trust their wisdom if you are to last long. Turner has informed me of your... condition."
"Thank you, your highness," Conrad said, smiling weakly, "When can I see him again?"
"Very soon," said Celestia, then she put on a frown, "But I'm afraid I have some bad news."
"Bad news?" Conrad asked, worry crossing his face.
Celestia nodded. "You see, the spell I used to calm you did not cure you. It merely put up a sort of emotional dam to keep your fears at bay. I'm afraid that when it wears off, you will--"
Suddenly, Conrad burst out screaming bloody murder and ran faster than humanly possible out the door down the regal corridors of Canterlot palace.
Celestia staired with her pupils narrowed and her lips pursed in mild shock. "...do that."
The violet unicorn tossed aside book after book, flipping through each of them only a few seconds at a time. "No. No! NO! Ugh, SPIIIIKE!"
Spike sighed and rubbed his temples. "Twilight, will you give it a rest? That thing is gone."
"But I still need to know what it was!" A flying book nearly struck the dragon in the face, "That thing could come back at any time, and none of my books has anything on it! Not even Bright Brain's Biology of Bizarre Bipedal Beings!"
"Have ya tried Max Marvel's Mysterious Mythological Mammalians?" Spike asked, handing her the book.
"Ugh, Spike, honestly," Twilight waved her hoof through the air, "A book on mythological beasts contains fiction, not facts! We need solid evidence! What we saw was--"
"Twilight!" Bonbon burst into the library, "It's Lyra!"
Twilight dropped what she was doing and turned to the distraught earth mare. "What happened?!"
"I don't know!" Bonbon panted, "She was crying when I came home and said something about her human being gone!"
Twilight and Spike exchanged a silent glance. "Lead the way," said Twilight.
Lyra buried her muzzle in her forelegs as she sobbed on her bed. "Why did he leave me? Am I not good enough? What did I do to deserve this?!"
"See?" Bonbon said, "She's been like this since I got home. Probably longer."
Twilight put her hooves on the green unicorn and shook her gently. "Lyra? Talk to me. Was that thing from yesterday the human you're talking about?"
Lyra gasped and snapped her head up. "You saw him too?"
"Um, yes?"
Immediately the green mare pinned the purple one to the wall. "Where is he? What's become of my Conrad?"
"Y-your Conrad?" Twilight asked nervously, "You mean, the human, right?"
"Yes!" Lyra pressed her face against Twilight's. "I think somepony stole him! I need to save him! He's my human! MY HUMAN!" The mare was nearly hyperventilating now.
Twilight gently pushed Lyra off her. "Lyra, I understand. You're really worried about him, I can see that. I'll do whatever it takes to solve this human problem.
Lyra started to smile excitedly. "R-really?"
Twilight nodded. "Really, Lyra. I hate to see a friend torn like this. I'll make sure you never have this problem again."
"Oh, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!" Lyra squeezed Twilight in her forelegs.
Twilight gritted her teeth. "Herk! Happy to, nnf, help!"
After getting freed from Lyra's grasp and calming her down, Twilight assured Bonbon she would handle everything and left their house.
"So, Twilight?" Spike asked, "How exactly do you plan to solve this?"
Twilight narrowed her eyes, looking dead serious. "I'm going to capture that human, and then do what I do best: study him!"
"AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!"
Conrad nearly tripped as his legs started to get ahead of him. A few guard ponies tried to get him to stop running, but their appearance only added to his panic.
Time Turner blipped in front of him and stood in the human's path. "Conrad, please, they don't want to--"
A loud thunk preceeded the two tumbling over each other several paces down the corridor. Conrad and Turner laid dazed on the velvet rug.
Turner shook his head and scowled at his human friend. "Ugh, honestly, Conrad, this has got to stop." He got to his hooves and helped Conrad up. "You realize this is no way to behave in a palace, yes?"
The human panted and gripped his knees. "I'm... I'm sorry... That... freaky magic..."
Turner held up a hoof. "Just calm down. I'm well aware of the spell the princess used on you and the effect it had."
"You are?" Conrad looked at Turner incredulously. "When did you hear that?"
Turner chuckled. "You've been running and screaming for ten minutes. Thank goodness we managed to keep you corraled inside."
Conrad didn't share the earth stallion's sense of humor. He glanced at the guards who were watching him intently, some brandishing spears. "When do we go back to the farm? I don't like the looks they're giving me."
"Ah, yes, about that." Turner grinned. "There are actually three ways we can go about that. You're not going to like any of them."
Conrad paled again. "W-what are they?"
"One," Turner began, "we take you right back to the princess and ask her to teleport us back to Ponyville."
"More magic and tall ponies?" Conrad nodded in thougbt with his hands on his hips. "Pass."
"Two, we walk through Canterlot in front of thousands of ponies and take the train."
Conrad's eyes bugged.
"Pass, yes." Turner cleared his throat. "Three, we rent a chariot and fly there."
"Wait, fly? You mean, with a plane, right? A flying machine?"
Time Turner laughed. "Ha, ha, no. I mean pegasus power. The royal pegasi will pull the chariot."
Conrad paled. "No. Absolutely no pegasi!" He shifted his eyes and leaned in close to Turner. "They're the violent ones."
"Oh, right, the business with Fluttershy." Turner nodded understandingly.
"Can't you use your weird time stopping thing to get us there?"
"Conrad, even if I could hold time still for that long, which I can't," Turner explained, "the trip would only be instantaneous for the rest of the world. For us, it would be a three-day walk."
Conrad sighed. "I see. So my best bet is to talk to Celestia again?"
"'Fraid so," said Celestia from behind.
Conrad whipped around and froze in place. "P-p-p-p..."
Celestia smiled warmly. "Easy now. I'm not angry with you."
"You, uh..." Conrad grabbed the back of his head. "You happen to hear that bit about--"
"Fluttershy?" Celestia asked, "Yes. Although, I'm sure it was a misunderstanding, I won't pry."
Conrad looked down. "You know her?"
"I do," said Celestia, "But I am nonetheless willing to help you. Now then, about going back to Ponyville, are you ready?"
"I... I guess am."
Without a word, Celestia cast the spell. Conrad felt like his entire body was being pulled by a wind tunnel for a split second, and then the sensation of falling. It was over as soon as it started, and when he looked up, he was standing in the front yard of Sweet Apple Acres.
Conrad remained silent and sat down on an overturned bucket.
Turner smiled at him. "Well, this was good news. You have Celestia backing you up. Surely this helps you feel better?"
Conrad pointed only his eyes at the pony. "Turner, is there anypony more powerful than Celestia?"
Turner raised his eyebrows. "Oh, certainly. But none as kind and wise as her, I assure you."
Conrad sighed. "Then I'm royally screwed. The only powerful being here willing to help doesn't even know how to get me home. I'm stuck here!"
The stallion put his hoof on his friend. "It's not all that bad, is it? You have me and Big Mac. We can work through this."
"No we can't!" Conrad snapped, tears flowing down his cheeks, "You have no idea what this is like for me! You don't know what it's like waking up somewhere you don't belong full of things that scare you, and know that there's no hope of ever seeing your family again!"
Turner stared slack-jawed and then closed his mouth. He picked up a bucket and set it beside Conrad, taking a seat next to him. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Perhaps it's time I told you how I got the nick name, 'The Doctor'."
To the world, it was but a few years ago. To me, it was a lifetime.
I was at the Best Young Flier's competition in Cloudsdale, about to begin my flight. You see, back then, I had wings. Yes, I was born a pegasus.
I didn't just have wings, though; I had a sister, and another name, too. My name was Doctor Hooves, and my sister, dear sweet Derpy...
She was born with a lazy eye which made her have trouble flying straight. I did everything I could to help her, determined to be the best brother I could. All I wanted was to see my little sis smile.
Anyway, I'd just completed my flight, the septupple corkscrew backflip, when I went back to the seats to join my family and watch Derpy fly. That was when the accident happened.
Derpy's trick was playing pony pinball with a storm cloud. Everything was going well until she hit the cloud wrong and caused it to loose a bolt of lightning which struck her directly in the head, knocking her out.
I knew that wasn't part of the act, and I rushed to her aid, desperate to catch her falling body. The other ponies, however, thought it was just for show.
I... I wasn't fast enough to save her.
From then on, all I could think about was the sister I failed. I blamed myself for her death and carried the burden alone wherever I went. How I wished I could trade my life for hers.
Later that year, disaster struck. The mad god of chaos, Discord, broke free from his stone prison. He wreaked havoc on Equestria, and caused the world to ignore the laws of reality.
While some ponies begged him to end the madness, I came to him with another plea. I asked him to bring my sister back to life, but even his nearly endless power could not return a dead pony to the realm of the living.
Discord may have been the god of chaos, but he wasn't heartless. Since he could not bring my sister back, he offered me an alternative: the power to go back in time and save her myself.
He warned me that this power would come at a price, but I took it anyway. The cost was two things. One, I could only travel so far back in time this once, and two, I would have to give up my wings.
The day of the competition came, and everything transpired exactly as I remembered it. The accident happened again, and for the second time, I saw my unconscious sister plummet towards the earth. But this time, I was ready and waiting.
At the last moment, I made my move. The world around me froze in place, and I was able to simply turn her around and give her a push in the right direction. When everything began to move again, she flew parallel to the ground for a while and landed in a lake.
My past self was able to rescue her in time, and I was relieved because I thought everything would go back to the way it was.
Were I only so lucky. The ease of my mission should have been a sign.
While Discord wasn't heartless, he wasn't kind either. The trickster didn't warn me of the third cost, that I couldn't return to the future. I was stuck in the past with an alternate me living the life I was meant to lead. I knew then and there that I could never be with my family again.
So I changed my name, from Doctor Hooves to Time Turner, and moved to Ponyville for a fresh start. I wasn't entirely down trodden; I got my wish and saved Derpy. She's alive and well right now.
My only regret is that she can never know that I'm her brother.
The earth stallion hung his head and sighed. "If anypony knows what you're going through, I do."
"I'm sorry... I didn't know." Conrad looked sorrowfully at Turner.
"It's alright," Turner said, "And in case you're wondering, I've already forgiven that crack about pegasi being the violent ones."
Conrad's eyes went wide and he smacked himself in the forehead. "Ugh, I am so stupid!" He dragged his hand down his face.
Turner laughed. "Yes, well, just don't forget, I'll be around if you need to talk about anything. You remember the way to my house, right?"
Conrad nodded. "Mhm."
"Good. Feel free to visit anytime."
"CONRAD!" Applejack came galloping up, "Conrad, where have ya been?"
The human scooted back nervously. "A-Applejack? Um, well--"
"Lyra had him captive," Turner said, standing on the ground now, "I snatched him up and took him to Celestia. Why? What's going on?"
"Big Mac an' Ah've been lookin' all over town fer him since he disappeared. An' Twilight's on the war path. She's as determined as Lyra to get him in her hooves."
"Great!" Conrad threw his arms up. "So now I have too crazy mares out to get me?"
Applejack raised an eyebrow. "While Ah don't rightly approve ah ponies talkin' 'bout mah friends like that, Ah hafta agree with ya. Twi's behaviour these past couple days is a might disturbing."
"AJ," said Turner, "I'm afraid in his condition, Conrad isn't fit to handle this. I need to ask that you help me keep him safe here."
"Shoot, don't ch'all worry none," Applejack said brightly, crossing one hoof over the other, "Ah stick by mah friends. Y'all can be sure Ah'll do mah best to keep them apart 'til we got this all settled."
"Thank you," Turner said.
"Yeah, thanks," Conrad said, smiling weakly.
Turner trotted a few paces away and faced the other two. "Conrad, do you mind staying here with Applejack?"
The human glanced uneasily at the mare. "Um, I guess?"
"Where y'all headed?" Applejack asked.
"I have a few things I need to do," Turner replied, "Don't worry, I won't be long. I'll see you yesterday, Conrad." With that, the stallion clopped his hoof and disappeared.
Apllejack bugged. "What in tarnation? Where the hay he go?"
Conrad shrugged. "No idea. But I think the better question is when the hay did he go."
Applejack looked from the spot where Turner stood to the human. "Right. Ah still don't understand what's goin' on, but it's probably best Ah don't hear it. Might just give me a headache." She spun her eyes as she said this, and then gave the human a nudge. "Hey, you hungry?"
"Um, I guess so." His stomach growled and he put his hand on it. "Eh heh heh... Yeah. I'm starving."
Applejack nodded. "Alright. Y'all just rest here, sugarcube, and Ah'll git ya some grub." She cantered off to the house, leaving the human alone by the barn.
While Applejack was fixing lunch, Conrad sat down in front of the barn and gave his clothes a sniff. Somehow, he didn't smell like urine anymore. Instead, he swore he smelled like roses. Hm, that's odd. Maybe Celestia cast a cleaning spell on me, too? Either way, he was clean now, and that was one thing off his mind.
He took a deep breath of the fresh orchard air and tried to relax. Well, looks like I'm stuck here for a while. At least I've met three ponies who don't seem totally insane. I still think it has something to do with being an earth pony. Anyway, I think since Big Mac 'adopted' me, and I've been staying in this barn, that makes this farm my new home? Could be worse, I guess. At least this place is quiet.
A sudden tremor made Conrad grab hold of the bucket he was standing on, and less than a second later, he found himself rising up into the air several feet. "Gah! What's going on now?!"
"HI!" said a high-pitch cheerful voice under him. The pink earth mare holding him up set him down gently. "I'M PINKIE PIE AND I JUST HEARD YOU WERE MOVING INTO PONYVILLE WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE THAT MEANS I GET TO THROW YOU A SUPER DUPER GINORMOUS SPECTACULAR TERIFFIC WELCOME PARTY TO WELCOME YOU TO PONYVILLE BECAUSE YOU'RE NEW AND IF YOU'RE NEW THEN THAT MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS YET AND THAT MAKES ME SO SAD KNOWING SOMEPONY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS SO I INVITED EVERYPONY IN PONYVILLE SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF FRIENDS!"
Conrad was backed up against the barn door on the ground, grasping his chest as he hyperventilated.
"Soooooooooo," the pink mare said as she got right up in his face, "What's your name?" Her nostrils flared and she took a big whiff of Conrad's hair. "Mmmm! You smell delicious!"
"ACK!" The human shoved the pink pony puff off himself and bolted into the orchard.
"WAIT! I didn't get your name!" Pinkie shouted, popping out of a tree top.
Conrad turned 90 degrees and went down another row, only to have the mare pop up ahead of him again.
"Don't you wanna come to my party?"
"BIG MAAAAC!" the human screamed.
"Ooh!" Pinkie shot up from the ground, causing Conrad to barrel over her. "I know Big Macintosh, too! Are you guys friends?" She kept talking as they tumbled in the dirt.
"HELP!"
"Don't worry! I gotcha!" Pinkie picked him up and set him on her back. "I'll get ya to the party, lickety split!" The earth pony broke into a full gallop with the terrified Conrad clinging to her cotton candy mane.
"HELP!" Conrad screamed again.
Big Macintosh was returning to the farm at that moment and saw Pinkie making off with his human. "Nope!" He reared up and then shot towards Pinkie to intercept her. He snatched Conrad clean off her back and ran towards the barn again.
Pinkie skidded to a halt when she realized her passenger was missing. "Hmm." She put a hoof to her mouth. "That's funny. You suddenly got a lot lighter." She turned and saw her bare back and let out a long gasp. "Oh, no! New pony? Where are you? Did you shrink? I hope I didn't step on you!" She gasped again and smiled. "Don't worry, new pony! I know just who can help!"
With an excited giggle, she disappeared in a pink blur down the road.
Big Mac tried to set Conrad down gently, but the human was clinging to him too tightly to drop. "Conrad? Pinkie's gone now. Y'all can let go."
Conrad shivered loudly and slowly climbed off the stallion. "W-w-what the freak was that?"
"Pinkie Pie," Mac said flatly.
"Pinkie Pie," Conrad repeated, "And here I thought there weren't any insane earth ponies. Is it just me, or are Turner, Celestia and your family the only sane ponies in this place?"
"Eeyup."
"Soup's on!" Applejack called, "Come 'n' git it!"
"Come on," said Big Mac, "Let's git some lunch. Y'all could use it."
Conrad stood up and sighed. "Yeah, I guess so."
"Twilight! Twilight, I need your help!" Pinkie Pie bounced up and down around her unicorn friend.
Twilight grunted and rolled up a scroll she had levitating in front of her. "Ugh, Pinkie, I'm in the middle of something."
"But there's somepony new in town!" Pinkie squealed.
"So then throw them a party," said Twilight, "I need to find where that human went."
"But the new pony disappeared!" the pink mare screamed.
Twilight stopped and blinked. "Disappeared? Wait, what did they look like?"
"He wasn't really a pony," said Pinkie, "He was a funny pink thing with a reddish brownish hairy mane that looked like a bad case of bed head."
Twilight's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. "Wait a minute, Pinkie. Was this new pony perhaps the strange creature we saw yesterday?"
"I dunno!" Pinkie giggled, rolling her eyes around, "You told us not to look at him because you enchanted him."
Twilight gasped. "THE HUMAN!" She pounced on her pink friend. "Where did you see him?"
"He was at Sweet Apple Acres."
The unicorn teleported away in a flash.
"Wait!" Pinkie stood up. "What about the new pony?!" When she received no answer, she sighed and turned around. "Oh well, I have a party to plan!"
As the earth mare bounced off cheerfully, a sea foam unicorn watched from behind a fruit stand and chuckled lowly to herself. "Well, well, well, Conrad. You should have learned your lesson last time. Now that I know where you will reappear, catching you again will be a breeze!"
"Yes, yes," said Bonbon, tossing a few bits to the stall owner, "You found your human's hiding place, whoop dee do. Can we go home now? You're starting to draw looks to us."
Lyra poked her head out from behind the fruit. "Alright, Bonbon. We'll go home... just as soon as I have my Concon!"
Bonbon raised an eyebrow. "Concon?"
"Yes!" Lyra squeaked, "Bonbon and Concon for Lonlon!... er, Lyra. Hee hee."
As Lyra and Bonbon trotted off towards Sweet Apple Acres, a brown stallion poked his head out of a crate. "Well, well, well, Lyra," said Time Turner, "You should have learned your lesson from last time. Now that I know you're going after Conrad again, keeping him out of your hooves will be a breeze!"
As Turner blinked out of time, a pair of blue eyes popped out of a hay bale. "Well, well, well, Timey Wimey," said Pinkie Pie, "You should have learned your lesson tomorrow. Now that I know you know the new pony too, getting him to his welcome party will be a breeze!" She giggled to herself and turned around. "Anypony wanna help me drag out this joke?"
As she said this, a gray mare with a blond mane popped out of a well. "Well, well, well, Pinkie," said Derpy Hooves, "You should have learned your lesson last time. Now that I know you're going to Sweet Apple Acres, stealing those muffins will be a breeze!"
In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero. So did Conrad as Time Turner relayed the information to him that Lyra, Bonbon, Twilight and Pinkie were all coming after him at the same time.
"Now just calm down," said Turner, "I'm going to keep you hidden while Big Mac and Applejack try to get them to leave."
"How are you going to get me past them?!" Conrad cried.
"Simple," Turner said confidently, "We wait until the last second, and then we sneak out. Now, no matter what happens, when I tell you to run, you run, and where I tell you to go, you go there. Understood?"
Conrad nodded quickly.
"Good." Turner peeked out the barn door and saw Applejack and Big Macintosh moving to greet the four mares coming down the road. "Alright, now when I give the signal, we'll have a minute to get past them, and not a second more!"
"OK, what's the signal?"
"Hold my mane," Turner explained, "and when you hear my hoof stomp, run towards the gate and follow me back to my house."
"You mean towards the crazy mares?!" Conrad took a step back.
"Yes, but don't worry," said Turner, "Remember, I can control time? What could possibly go wrong?"
"Alright, Applejack. Where is he?" Twilight asked.
"Where is who?" Applejack replied.
"The alien!" Twilight snapped.
"My Concon!" Lyra whined.
"NEW PONY!" Pinkie screamed.
AJ and Mac exchanged an awkward glance.
"Again, who?"
"You know who we mean, AJ! Don't lie to us!" Twilight growled.
"My Conny needs me!" Lyra whimpered.
"You can't hide him forever!" the purple unicorn added.
"And y'all can't just come bargin' onto mah property demandin' things from us!" Applejack shouted, "If Ah got somethin' y'all want, ya shoulda asked civil like first. Now Ah have ta ask y'all to leave before Ah get real unpolite."
"You have no right to interfere with true love!" Lyra yelled back.
Pinkie felt her ear swivel, then her back began to itch. She hmmed and stuck her hind leg out ever so slightly, then grinned. She muttered to herself, "I'm sure the new pony will be along riiiight about now."
"Alright," said Turner, "Grab on."
Conrad grabbed Turner's mane. "Like this?"
Turner nodded, then raised his hoof. "Wait until they're totally focused on AJ. Aaaand..."
Clop.
At the sound of the hoof, Conrad bolted forward out of the barn and ran for the gate. Everything around him was frozen solid like someone had pressed the pause button on the world.
Turner was galloping ahead and stopped at the gate. He turned around and watched Conrad running towards him. "You're almost there! Thirty seconds left!"
Conrad panted, totally out of shape and lacked the adrenaline from the other day. As he passed Pinkie Pie, his foot caught on her hoof, and he flew forward and landed face down in the dirt with a loud grunt.
Turner facehoofed. "Princesses deliver us. Fifteen seconds! Get up!"
Conrad scrambled to his feet, but winced. "My ankle hurts!" He hobbled towards Turner and saw the world suddenly start moving again, a bird just above him going shooting off like a bullet.
Pinkie Pie gasped. "I found him! I found him! I found him!"
Conrad looked behind himself and saw the unicorns staring slack-jawed, while the Apples facehoofed. Pinkie was bouncing in place, pointing excitedly.
"Plan B!" Turner shouted.
"Plan B-EEP!" Conrad was scooped up and dropped on Big Mac's back. He instinctively grabbed onto the stallion's neck and pressed himself into his mane, clinging as tight as he could.
Big Macintos stormed into the orchard, putting a great deal of distance between himself and the startled mares.
Pinkie was now on Mac's back, holding onto Conrad. "I just wanted to say welcome to Ponyville!"
Cknrad screamed, and Mac jumped, hitting Pinkie against a branch and knocking her off. Seconds later, she was happily bounding beside them as though nothing had happened.
"Why don't you wanna come to your welcome party?!"
Mac shoved her aside and crashed her into a tree that exploded into a cloud of apples, leaves and confetti on impact.
Applejack, Lyra and Twilight joined the chase. AJ tried to knock the other mares aside. Turner came up beside Mac and told Conrad to switch mounts. Now Pinkie was on Applejack's back, swatting at Lyra.
"What's the real reason you don't wanna come to your welcome party?!"
The group came out of the orchard and raced through the streets of Ponyville.
"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight called, "Catch that human!"
Conrad looked up and saw the rainbow pegasus that destroyed Applejack's old barn. "Oh my god! TURNER! FASTER!"
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not an athlete!" Turner shot back, and side rammed Lyra before she could charge her horn. He recovered enough energy to freeze time for a few seconds and dodge Rainbow's dive, causing her to lose control and crash into the ground. He ground to a halt and turned abruptly while Applejack and Big Macintosh fought the others down the street.
"Wait, isn't your house that way?" Conrad asked.
"One of them is bound to wait for us there!" Turner said, "I have a safe place we can fall back too for the time being."
The human groaned. "I have a very bad feeling about this."
Spike and Bonbon watched their friends run off into the orchard, staring silently as the storm of hoof falls eventually faded into silence.
The purple baby dragon idly traced a circle in the dirt with his hoof while the earth mare sniffed and flicked her eyes back and forth.
"Uh, so..." said Spike, rubbing the back of his head, "Think we should wait here?"
Bonbon sighed and hung her head down. "I don't know. I wish I knew what was going on."
"No, no. I like it. It just looks like it hasn't been used in... years."
Conrad and Time Turner were standing in the woods in front of a secluded log cabin that was coated rafter to floor in dust that had gathered over time. Conrad wiped a streak of dust off the window sill with his finger and blew it away.
"Derpy and I used to come here when our grand father was alive," Turner explained, "After he passed away, nopony ever came here, except to make sure it didn't cave in." He pushed the door open and stepped inside.
Conrad followed and immediately had a short sneezing fit. "Ugh, I'm gonna have to clean it up in here." He rubbed his nose on his arm. "You sure nopony will come here?"
"Absolutely," said Turner, "The others don't even know this place exists. Once the heat goes down, you can go back to the farm, unless you want to stay here."
"Well, either way, I'm troubling you guys," the human sighed, "At least if I stay here, the mares will be too busy looking for me to bother you, once they realize I'm not at your house."
Turner laughed. "You're not troubling me at all, Conrad. This is the most fun I've had in some good time." He turned to leave. "I'll go back into town and get some supplies for you to stay here. Anything in particular you want?"
"Uh, I doubt you ponies have a human clothing store." He looked around. "Got a washing machine in here so I can wash what I'm wearing?"
"This is an old cabin. You'll have to use the wash bucket in the back." The former pegasus looked at his friend and tilted his head curiously. "I've been meaning to ask, why do you always wear clothes? Ponies don't wear them except for special occasions, or for fashion."
"Well, it's indecent for humans to be naked in public." Conrad blushed a bit. "You see, um, humans don't have fur, or... or a, um..."
Turner's ears perked up. "You don't have a sheath?"
Conrad bit his lip and nodded.
Turner's eye twitched. "That sounds..." He turned his head away awkwardly. "Well, I can see why you need the clothes. I know somepony who could make them, if I get her to swear to secrecy. Although, if she comes here, she will probably need you unclothed to take measurements."
Conrad groaned outwardly. "I dunno if I'm ready to meet any new ponies."
Turner nodded. "Alright then. I'll just get some food, then. Should be back in about an hour."
"Alright."
Turner shut the door behind him, and galloped back down the road. Conrad found a small, wooden radio and turned it on, only to get static. After fidgeting with the knobs, he found a station broadcasting classical music, and left it there to help calm his nerves.
A thought crossed his mind, how did ponies wire a device like this? "Unicorns," he answered himself. He walked into the back room and found the bucket he was meant to wash his dirt-ridden clothes in.
As he made his way around the house, a certain pink mare watched from the other side of a mirror, and grinned to herself before vanishing.
Twilight Sparkle teleported herself, Lyra Heartstrings and Rainbow Dash away after Pinkie Pie suddenly gave up the chase and left for other reasons unknown. She addressed the two mares before her.
"Alright, clearly Time Turner and the Apples are conspiring against us. And I've heard no word back from Princess Celestia about the human, so it looks like we're on our own."
"Wait, back up, Twi," said Rainbow Dash, "So the human can ride ponies. So can Spike. What's so dangerous about that guy, anyway? Every time I see him, he spends his time running away from everypony."
"That's because he's frightened," Lyra whined, "Everypony's been so rough with him since he got here. I tried to protect him, but he was even afraid of me! He didn't realize I love him..." The sea foam mare pouted melodramatically, pulling off a perfect sexy cry.
Dash raised an eyebrow. "Uh, yeah, like I was saying, why are you two so hung up on this?"
"Because, he's an alien!" Twilight exclaimed, "Even if he means us no harm, he could still be a danger. He needs to be kept in check, not to mention studied. Science demands we find out everything we can about him!"
Lyra's eyes shot open. "You're... not going to hurt my precious Concon, are you?"
"Concon?" Rainbow was thoroughly confused.
Lyra sniffled and nodded. "My little Conney Wonney. All alone, lost in Equestria. He needs me!" The unicorn grabbed the rainbow pegasus and put her face against the other. "Don't you understand?! He won't survive unless I take care of him! He needs my love! And I need his!"
Dash rolled her eyes and shoved Lyra off her. "Ugh, gimme a break, you two. You're getting all worked up over nothing."
Both unicorns gasped.
"Science is not nothing!"
"And love is what matters most!"
Rainbow deadpanned. "You're crazy, and you're an egghead." She hovered above them as she prepared to leave. "I'm not gonna help either of you until you give me a better reason than science and love. You both had me thinking he was a real threat, and he's not! Honestly, have you even seen that guy? He looks like the kind of thing Fluttershy keeps as a pet! So until you girls are back on your rockers, count me out!" With that, the pegasus shot into the sky, leaving a polychromatic contrail behind her.
Twilight glared at the shrinking image of her friend. "So much for element of loyalty." She sighed and turned around, catching sight of Turner. "Come on, Lyra."
The other unicorn was staring dead ahead, like her entire world had been shattered. "Concon? Where's my Concon?"
"We're going to get Concon back." Twilight teleported up to the brown stallion and grabbed him in her aura. "Alright, Time Turner! We know you took Conrad, and you're gonna give him back, pronto!"
"I-I dunno what you're talking about!" the brown pegasus cried, lacking his Trottingham accent, "Please let me go!"
"Aha!" Twilight pointed her hoof triumphantly. "You think you can fool me by changing your accent and putting on wings? I happen to know there's a spell you can use to give yourself wings. Honestly, did you think such a silly disguise would fool me?"
"Lady, you're crazy!" the stallion yelled, "My name is not Time Turner, it's Doctor Hooves!"
Lyra pounced the Doctor, holding him now in her own magic. "Liar! You took my human from me! Where is he? I WANT HIM BACK!"
Doctor Hooves started to panic. "Please, I'm just here visiting my sister, Derpy. I don't even know what a human is! Honest!"
"Hold him steady," said Twilight, charging her horn and touching it to the Doctor's head, "I'll get the truth out of him with a lie detector spell."
As her horn made contact, Doctor's eyes widened and stared straight ahead in trance.
"Now tell me," said Twilight, "Who are you, who gave you wings, and what are you doing?"
"My name is Doctor Hooves. I was born with wings. I am visiting my sister, Derpy Hooves." The pegasus spoke in monotone under Twilight's control.
The confused unicorns let him up and broke the spell.
"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!" Twilight begged, "It's just, you look exactly like Time Turner! You even have the same voice, just with a different accent."
Doctor harrumphed and trotted away with his muzzle up. "Maybe next time you'll have the common sense to ask before assaulting somepony. You're lucky I don't press charges!"
As they watched the irked stallion fly away, Lyra's eye twitched. "Two Time Turners? Not... possible..."
Twilight turned to leave when she saw Spike and Bonbon rushing up to meet them. "Spike, what is it?"
The out of breath dragon grasped his knees and gasped for air, holding up a scroll from the princess.
My dearest, most faithful student Twilight Sparkle,
Leave Conrad alone.
Yours truly, Princess Celestia of Equestria
The baffled purple unicorn looked at both sides of the scroll, expecting more from the letter. "That's all she had to say? 'Leave Conrad alone?' But why?"
"I don't know," replied Spike, catching his breath, "Want me to send a reply?"
Twilight reread the letter and sighed in defeat. "No, I'm sure the princess has her reasons. Let's just leave him alone for now."
As they left, Bonbon tried to console Lyra and took her back home. Nopony noticed Pinkie Pie was back at Sugarcube Corner, whipping up batches of pastries.
Time Turner disembarked from the train in time to see himself board a few cars down. His past self was on his way to Canterlot to inform the princess of the recent chase involving Twilight. She had been very understanding and sent a rather concise letter to her pupil right away.
The stallion thought it might be a good idea to jump back in time so Conrad wouldn't miss him, but thought better of it. The poor human had been so traumatized since he came to Equestria that he needed all the time away from ponies he could get.
Heading into the marketplace, Turner purchased enough food to last a few days, and then made his way to Carousel Boutique. The bell chimed to announce his entry as he opened the door.
"Coming!" Rarity sang, "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique and magnifique!"
Turner smiled at the alabaster unicorn. "Afternoon, Rarity. I've come here to ask you about a very important job."
"Well, you've come to the right place, darling," said Rarity as she levitated a tape measure, "Just let me grab your measurements real quick and I'll--"
"Ah-ah, no, it's not for me," Turner interrupted, "It's for someone else. But, before I tell you who, you have to Pinkie promise you won't tell anypony."
The mare tilted her head. "Why ever not, dear?"
Turner explained that he was hiding the human from the other day and that he needed to keep him hidden to prevent Lyra from harming him.
Rarity seemed to understand, and agreed not to tell anypony, and even offered to do the clothes for free in return for getting to design outfits for an exotic being.
"Thank you for understanding," Turner said, "I'll speak with Conrad and let him know you're coming by. When is a good time for you?"
"Tomorrow," said Rarity, "I have an order to fill today, so I won't be able to visit today. I do hope the poor dear's luck turns around. I simply can't imagine what being chased by everypony in town must have been like." She giggled coyly to herself. "Not that I would mind being pursued by a hoard of admires, of course."
Turner nodded. "Yes. Well, I'd better be going then. I know Conrad's in no condition to be going to the party Pinkie was trying to get him to, but I think that if I can introduce him to one pony at a time, he may get over his fears."
"Fears?" Rarity asked, "Did the other day's events really scar him so bad that he can't show his face in public?"
"It's not that," said Turner, trying to think of a way to explain this, "What can I say? You see, he's not from this world. And, well, he's actually afraid of ponies, as strange as that sounds."
The unicorn pursed her lips. "I think I see your point. We must seem so alien to him."
Turner chuckled. "Yes, something like that. Anyway, I'll see you around. Thank you so much for your help."
Rarity waved a hoof dismissively. "Oh, not at all, dear. Always glad to help a friend in need. Now, I'm off to Sugarcube Corner to meet with Pinkie Pie. Say hello to Conrad for me."
"Will do."
As Turner left Carousel Boutique, he thought about who he should invite to see his friend first. He remembered the human's accusations towards Fluttershy, and figured she would be the best one to start with. After all, if Conrad could see she wasn't as bad as he thought, it would likely help him warm up to other ponies more easily. And maybe, just maybe, his phobia could be cured.
Conrad finished sweeping and peeked outside, making sure nopony was around before he sneaked out and got his clothes off the line. Feeling better now that he and his clothes were clean again, as well as the dust being out of the house, he tried to think of something to do while waiting for Turner to get back.
A news report on the radio mentioned a hairless bipedal creature riding a pony earlier that resembled a diamond dog, if diamond dogs weren't ugly. Conrad tried to take that as a compliment, but wondered just what kind of dog stood up on two legs and looked that ugly? If they were anything like timber wolves, he didn't want to meet one.
After the news report ended, the DJ, somepony named P0n-3, put on a techno song about sewing dresses. These ponies have weird taste in music, Conrad thought, but had to admit the song was catchy.
Deciding he couldn't stand to stay indoors any longer, Conrad switched off the radio and stepped outside. If these woods had a house in them, and it was near town, then it should be safe to take a walk in. A short walk to stretch his legs should be fine.
Conrad took in a deep breath and basked in the ambiance of the forest. The place he was in resembled the same lush glen he woke up in when he first arrived in Equestria, and he wondered if maybe, just maybe, he could go around the next bend and find his way home.
Taking a chance, he did just that, but instead of finding his home town, he stepped onto another dirt road and was knocked over by a trotting pegasus.
"Ow!" said the soft, gentle voice of the yellow pegasus he bumped into, "Watch where you're going, will you!"
Conrad recognized Fluttershy immediately. She certainly didn't sound like the gentle pony Turner made her out to be. She was glaring death at him, and her tone sounded more like a schoolyard bully than a sweet innocent mare who took care of animals.
The human froze up, eyes locked on Fluttershy. She scowled at him and stepped forward. "Well, aren't you going to say you're sorry?"
"I... I..." Conrad choked on his words.
Fluttershy bared her teeth. "You don't apologize? I penalize!"
"W-what?" Before Conrad could make sense of the sudden rhyming, he saw Fluttershy lunge forward at him.
She grabbed his shirt in her mouth by the collar, and pulled him up. With seemingly unnatural strength, the pegasus began to spin him around and around. Before the human could puke on her, she let go and sent him flying and screaming away.
Conrad abruptly went silent as he crashed into a very well-placed pile of hay. He climbed out and felt something funny with his foot. Before he could check, the answer was thrown in his face as his missing shoe caught up with him and landed on his head.
He climbed out of the hay and put his shoe back on. His eye twitched as his mind tried to process what had just happened. Either Fluttershy hates humans, or Turner was dead wrong about her. The human got back to his feet and brushed the hay out of his clothes and hair. "Great, I probably smell delicious again."
"Eeeeyup."
Conrad's hair stood on end as Big Macintosh came out of nowhere from behind him and licked the back of his neck. Oh no... Suddenly, it dawned on him: the after-lying effects of Twilight's spell, the cuddling at night, the vague definition of "adoption." No... No. No. No!
"FUCK NO!" Conrad didn't give the stallion a chance to even blink. He took off running towards the barn and climbed up into the loft and out the window onto the roof. As Big Mac searched inside the barn for him, the human leaped off the roof and used another bale of hay to soften and muffle his landing.
"Conrad! Come back!" Big Mac called, tearing the barn up in search of his pet human.
Conrad ducked behind the house in time to avoid a flying piece of wood that nearly nailed him as the side of the barn exploded, revealing a bloodshot Big Mac breathing like an enraged bull.
"Conrad! Don't run from me too! Ah wanna help ya!"
The human's heart was beating like a jackhammer in his chest. Had he been breathing any harder, he would have been mistaken for an air bender. Looking in the distance, Conrad saw Turner coming up the road looking panicked.
Big Macintosh ran into the orchard in blind desperation, giving Conrad a chance to run and meet Turner at the fence.
"Turner! Big Mac's gone crazy!" Conrad panted.
"I was afraid this would happen," said Turner, "The effects of the want-it-need-it spell were never fully lifted. Having you around pacified them, but with you gone, the spell has taken full hold of him again. I think it would explain Lyra suddenly becoming so uncontrollable."
"What do we do?" Conrad hid behind Turner in case Mac saw them.
"Get on."
Conrad obeyed and Turner took off at a full gallop. "Now then," he called back, "You mind telling me why you weren't at the house?"
"I just went for a walk and I ran into Fluttershy," Conrad shouted over Turner's hoof falls, "She wasn't nice at all! She freaking threw me right into the farm, and then Big Mac started molesting me!" He could feel Turner shudder in disgust under him.
"Well, what matters is we get you home and hidden," said Turner, "Honestly, with Big Mac and Lyra fully enchanted and on the war path, I don't see how this day could possibly get any worse!"
"So you're telling me that because I've been with Big Mac so often, the spell didn't have time to build up?" Conrad asked, cocking an eyebrow at the brown stallion walking beside him.
"Exactly," replied Turner, "As you know, it's called a want-it-need-it spell. Naturally, you can't want-it-need-it if you have it, you follow? So the spell had no reason to increase its effect." The former pegasus looked ahead distantly. "But what with the recent events, you being repeatedly taken from his custody, and everypony trying to get at you at the same time, I believe the spell's amplification was agitated to the point where it sped up exponentially until it reached full strength in a short time."
Conrad snorted out his nose. "OK, I gotta ask, why do you know so much about how magic works? You can't use it, except for that time stuff you do."
Time Turner chuckled. "Well, when you've been cursed by the spirit of chaos, it's always a good idea to look into possible side effects."
"Right," the human said with a nod, "So do you understand how your powers work?"
"As a matter of fact, I do," the pony replied, "Are you in the mood for a little magic lesson?"
Conrad shrugged. "I don't care what we talk about right now. I'm just glad to be somewhere quiet for a change."
Turner nodded. "Well, you know how an hour glass works, right? You flip it upside down, and the sand starts to fall back to the start. You turn it sideways, and the sand stops. My power works a lot like that, which is also why I can't go into the future."
"What do you mean?"
"Tell me, have you ever been able to make sand fall faster?"
Conrad shook his head.
"Exactly. You can't. You can force it back to the top, or hold it in place. But once you let go and allow it to fall, it will fall at its own speed."
"So then, every time you freeze time or go back, you're giving up a piece of your future..." Conrad looked at Turner sullenly. "You've been giving up your time just for me. More so every time you use your powers."
Turner smiled at his human companion. "Conrad, don't feel down about it. You're my friend, and a very good friend at that. Spending my time helping you makes it all feel worth while to me."
Conrad smiled back. "Thanks." He reached down and scratched Turner behind the ears, then withdrew his hand. "Gah, uh, sorry about that. I dunno if that's allowed here."
Turner shrugged. "I don't mind. Though I have to say, you don't seem afraid of me at all anymore."
"Well, you're the only pony so far who's tried to protect me without trying to keep me as a pet or... whatever Lyra wanted me for." Conrad shuddered.
The pony laughed. "Yes, well, honestly, I'm sure if you'd met anypony else, they'd be just as willing to help you... uh, that is, besides Lyra. I have a feeling she'd behave much the same way."
Conrad shuddered. He looked into the sky as he pondered about meeting another pony. Would they really be so kind?
"I'm sorry, where were we?" Turner suddenly blurted out.
Conrad looked back at him. "Uh, we were talking about magic and meeting other ponies?" He blinked in realization. "OK, where and when did you just go?"
"A few hours ago," Turner said, "I went to go see Twilight and try to turn things around with her. Try and get her to help us, you know?"
"And?" Conrad asked.
Time Turner knocked on the door of the Books and Branches library several times.
"This is a public building!" Twilight Sparkle shouted from inside, "You ponies can just come right in, you know!"
"But I hear you get frustrated when your studies are interrupted," Turner called back. He grinned when he heard the rapid clopping of hooves growing louder.
The door glowed purple and then flew open, nearly coming off its hinges. Twilight stared at Turner for a moment before glaring at him. "You."
"I need your help," Turner said simply.
"Not until you tell me everything about the human!"
Turner smirked at her. "If I remember correctly, Princess Celestia ordered you to leave him alone."
The unicorn gasped. "How did you know about that?!"
Turner's expression turned serious. "What matters more is the ponies still under your spell. Lyra and Big Macintosh need to be dispelled before they cause any serious damage. Big Mac already tore a hole in the Apple family's barn."
"But... that can't be right." Twilight rubbed her head. "The princess already broke that spell. I saw her!"
"I know," Turner said with a nod, "I've just come back from speaking with the princess. She believe's Lyra's previous fixation on humans may have acted as a sort of mental anchor for the spell. A controlled burst of the counter spell directed at her may be able to break the spell, but that would only stop her obsession from growing. We'd need something else to convince her to leave him alone. I'm sure I could think of something for that, but I need you to help me lift the spell on her and Big Macintosh."
Twilight took a moment to digest the information. "Alright, I'll see what I can do. If Princess Celestia wants it, I'll do all I can. I'll get to work on the research for the strongest variant of the counter spell I can come up with. You just make sure to get Mac and Lyra together so I can hit them with it."
"Alright," Turner said, "I'll let you know when I have something set up."
"Any chance, if all goes well, I could ask Conrad a few questions? I promise I won't hound him like before."
The earth stallion sighed. "Alright, fine, but onpy if he agrees."
Twilight squeed slightly. "You've got yourself a deal!"
Turner nodded. "Thank you, Twilight. I owe you for this."
"My pleasure." Twilight stepped back and shut the door, and her warm smile slowly shifted into a sinister grin. "Special research assignment for the princess, and a chance to meet the alien up close! Ooh-hoo-hoo! This day just got good!"
The unicorn began levitating books off the shelves, leafing through them. An hour later, she cracked open a new book and took a closer look.
"Hmmm," she said as she observed the picture of a black, insect-like equine, "Changeling? What is that? Let's see." She read quietly to herself about the strange creature in the book, while dots in her mind began to connect. An answer formed in her mind, and she gasped when it all clicked.
"The pegasus who looked just like Turner, Turner being in two places at once, him befriending the alien... it all makes sense now." She tilted her head up with a determined look. "Time Turner is a changeling!"
Time Turner galloped through the streets at top speed, accidentally splashing several fillies as he ran through a puddle. He was in high spirits today, for today he had good news for his human friend.
"I'm sorry, where were we?" Turner said as he rejoined his human companion.
Conrad looked back at him. "Uh, we were talking about magic and meeting other ponies?" He blinked in realization. "OK, where and when did you just go?"
"A few hours ago," Turner said, "I went to go see Twilight and try to turn things around with her. Try and get her to help us, you know?"
"And?" Conrad asked.
"Twilight Sparkle has agreed to help us make a spell to stop Lyra and Mac from chasing you. All she's asking in return is a chance to interview you." He saw Conrad's worried expression and put a hoof on him to reassure him. "It's alright. She promised to do it calmly. If you feel uncomfortable at all, she said she'll back down." He shot Conrad a grin. "And if you're really uncomfortable, I can always time blink you out of there."
Conrad paused and then sighed. "Alright. So how do we get this spell done?"
"You're not gonna like it," Turner explained, "You'll have to use yourself as bait for Mac and Lyra."
Conrad facepalmed. "I knew there'd be a catch. I just knew it."
"It's alright," Turner said, "I'll be standing by to get you out. Once you're out of the way, Twilight will cast the spell, and we'll be in the clear. Then all we have to do is wait for Celestia to finish the interdimensional portal spell to send you home."
"And you're sure this will work?" Conrad gave Turner a sideways glance.
Turner nodded affirmatively. "Absolutely."
Conrad stared off into space for a moment, then sighed again. "Alright, I'll do it."
"Good." Turner smiled. "Now the only major issue is convincing Pinkie Pie to delay your welcome party. If I can do that, we should have little trouble. I would say 'no trouble,' but I've learned not to tempt fate."
Conrad chuckled. "Boy, don't I know it."
Turner laughed with him. "Well, I'll be back in a little bit."
"Alright, see ya in a bit." Conrad waved as he watched his friend disappear into time, then sighed and sat down on the porch of the cabin. At long last, things were falling into place. Once he survived the next encounter with Lyra and Big Mac, the proverbial final boss level, all that stood between him and home were a party and time.
Conrad stood tensly at the treeline, breathing slowly as he tried to relax himself. Any moment now, he'd be given the signal to step out and reveal himself before the two ponies he feared might give him the King Solomon treatment if they had their way.
Time Turner stood at the opposite side of the street, keeping himself concealed as he watched for their targets. Twilight Sparkle stood a ways down the road, also keeping her eyes peeled, but occasionally shooting suspicious glances at Turner. She wanted to reveal him, but now was not the time. Right now, she had to finish cleaning up her mess, and then she needed backup.
Frantic hoofbeats nearby alerted the brown stallion. He gave the signal, and Conrad stepped out from his hiding place and started walking down the street towards Twilight.
"Good," Turner said to himself, "Now get their attention. Say something like--"
"COME TO PAPA, YOU POSSESSED FURRY BASTARDS!" Conrad shouted, holding his arms up to emphasize his announcement.
Turner facehoofed and muttered, "I was going to say, 'come and get me, Lyra,' but that works, too."
Both sets of hooves stopped for a second before charging at top speed towards the sound of their beloved Concon. The human braced himself, ready for Turner to blink him out at the last instant.
Up above the world so high, a cyan pegasus in the sky heard Conrad's challenge as well, and looked down to see him with Twilight hiding nearby. "Oh, no you don't, Twi." She zoomed down and swooped in, wrapping her forelegs around Conrad's middle before bolting off into the sky with the screaming human.
"Rainbow! No!" Twilight shouted.
Turner smacked himself in the face. "Oh, bollocks!"
Down below, Lyra Heartstrings and Big Macintosh saw Rainbow Dash taking off with their prize. Their eyes both turned blood red as the object of their inchanted desire was carried off. They began charging away from Twilight and Turner, causing them to give chase as well.
Rainbow struggled to keep herself aloft while carrying Conrad. "Will you settle down?! I'm trying to save you from Twilight!" She covered his mouth with a hoof to stop his screaming, which he tried and failed to wrench off with his hands.
Down below, Twilight teleported in front of Lyra and tried to stop her with a forcefield, only to be countered by a swift telekinetic jab to the horn, cancelling her spell before it could be cast. Lyra was focused on getting 'her' human back, and would tolerate no resistance.
Turner was having a similar problem, blinking objects in front of Big Macintosh, which the latter simply barreled through. He tried freezing time and steering Big Mac in the opposite direction, but the farm pony was too stubborn to be swayed with such a cheap tactic.
Wrestling through the air, Conrad managed to pry Rainbow's hoof off of his mouth. This returned his ability to voice his protest, but at the cost of slipping from her grasp and plummeting down towards the earth below. As he fell, he did not scream; he merely thought to himself.
This is it. Finally done in, and not by a pony, or a timberwolf, but by my own hand. In hindsight, I probably should have let her carry me off. We would have landed, I'd explain things to her, we'd try again... but no. I screwed it up. And--shouldn't I be dead by now?
The human opened his eyes to find his body wrapped in a minty aura holding him just over Lyra's head.
"I got you, Connie!" Lyra squealed, bringing him down gently as Big Mac strode up next to her, "Don't you worry, sweetie poo. Big Mac and I will take extra good care of you now."
"Wait, you two are in this together now?" Conrad asked with incredulity and a whole new brand of fear.
"Eeyup," the red stallion said with a nod.
"Oh, dear God," Conrad whimpered.
Lyra pulled him in for a cheek nuzzle, which Big Mac joined in on. "We'll take you somewhere where nopony can steal you from us ever again. We'll be your new mommy and daddy forever and never let anything bad happen, right, Daddy?"
"Eeeeyup!"
The mare looked at Conrad with a warm smile. "What do you think of that, Conrad dearest?"
Conrad looked between the two of them, and sighed. "Alright. You guys win. I'll be your baby. Just, don't..." he gave them a sly grin, "...don't blink."
"Huh?" said the mare and stallion together.
With a soft pop, Conrad vanished the way one would when you pause a recording, then resume after they've moved. Big Mac and Lyra looked around in confusion before a beam of violet light blasted the two of them. The light intensified as they rose off the ground, swirling around them and soon obfuscating them in a bubble of blinding magic. As suddenly as it started, the bright sphere went away, leaving the two ponies floating with glowing eyes as they slowly set down. When the magic died down, their eyes were devoid of any sign of the want-it-need-it spell.
The two ponies looked around in mild confusion as Conrad, Turner, and Twilight walked up to them.
Lyra locked eyes with the human, and her pupils shrank to pin pricks. "C-C-Conrad?"
"Lyra..." Conrad began, but trailed off, not sure what to say.
"I... I'm so sorry!" the mare said, beginning to cry, "Please, please don't hate me!" Before anyone could reply, Lyra turned and ran away sobbing.
Conrad reached out to stop her, but he was too late.
Big Macintosh looked down solemnly. "Ah s'pose Ah owe ya an apology, too."
"No, you don't," Twilight interjected, "It was my spell that made you act this way. On top of my own behavior, if anypony owes Conrad an apology, it's me." She looked back at the aforementioned human.
Conrad sighed. "It was an accident. In fact, if I had known you better, I probably wouldn't have tried to jump between you and those foals. I thought you were trying to do something to them." He grimaced. "If I wasn't so scared of ponies, none of this would have happened."
"You're not still scared of us, though, are you?" Twilight asked hopefully.
Conrad shook his head. "Not like I used to be, no. I think I could stand meeting a few more sometime."
"Yeah, about that," Rainbow lighted down between them, "Sorry about snatch'n ya earlier, big guy. Twilight's been..." she looked at her unicorn friend, "...having one of her times lately."
Twilight blushed. "It happens."
Rainbow Dash grinned. "Yeah, anyway, don't think you and I have met properly. I'm Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in Equestria." She held out her hoof, which Conrad took.
"Most exposive, too, judgig by what I saw with that barn," he said with a chuckle.
"Saw that, didja?" Rainbow chuckled back, "Yeah, that was nothin'. Hey, Pinkie's got that party for you coming up. Maybe you can check out some of my tricks then, huh?"
"Sounds like fun," Conrad said back.
"Awesome," said Rainbow, "I gotta head back and turn in my weather reports. See you guys later." She took off, leaving a colorful streak behind her as she disappeared into the sky.
Conrad looked at Twilight and smiled. "I guess I owe you that interview, anyway. When do you wanna have it?"
"Oh, that?" Twilight said, "Well, um, actually, something important came up. I have to talk to my mentor, Celestia, about a few things. Affairs of state, you could say." Her eyes briefly rested on Turner. "We can do that some other time."
"Oh," Conrad said, deflating a bit while also feeling somewhat relieved, "Well, I suppose I could try to squeeze it in before I leave, assuming she'll find me a way home soon. If not..." He looked down solemnly. "...I suppose I'll have all the time in the world for that."
Twilight stepped forward. "Don't lose hope. Princess Celestia is the oldest and wisest pony around, and I'll gladly help, too."
"Thank you, Twilight," Turner said, "That means a lot to us."
"My pleasure," the unicorn replied, hiding the edge in her voice, "Well, I'd better get going. I'll see you guys at the party." She turned and ignited her horn, then teleported away.
"So, what's the plan now?" Big Mac asked.
"I think our friend here could use a break after all this excitement," Turner replied, "Perhaps a calm walk home will help clear your head, hm?"
The human nodded. "That sounds good. Though, I hope Lyra shows up at the party. Be nice to let er know I'm not mad."
"Yer not afraid ah her?" Big Mac asked.
"No," Conrad said, shaking his head, "I don't think she meant any harm. She seemed sincere when she ran off. I don't think I'd mind giving her another chance."
Turner smiled. "It's nice to see you're getting over your fears. Despite how harrowing this experience has been, I think it's all been for the better."
Conrad nodded. "Yeah. Well, let's get going, you guys."
The three friends turned and headed back towards Turner's cabin, feeling confident that they could tackle any challenge fate still had to throw their way.
Conrad, Turner, and Big Macintosh enjoyed the slow walk back to the cabin, feeling like a great burden had been lifted from their shoulders, now that the want-it-need-it crisis was finally over. They took it slow, basking in the sun's warm rays and relishing in their triumph.
"Looks like the worst is finally behind us," Turner said as they neared his foalhood home.
"Yeah," Conrad said in agreement, reaching for the door handle, "Maybe now, I won't have to deal with any more scares."
"SURPRISE!" a chorus of ponies cheered as the door opened and the lights flicked on.
Conrad nearly jumped out of his skin, clutching his chest as he stumbled back. "Wh-whah?"
Inside was Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Lyra, Bon Bon, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. His vision was filled with pink and blue as Pinkie Pie sprang up from seemingly nowhere in front of him.
"Surprise!" she squealed, "I knew you'd be coming back here, so I gathered everypony up to give you your belated Welcome to Equestria party, but I know you're scared of crowds of ponies and stuff, so I kept the party small. Were ya surprised?"
"Uh, yeah, heheh," the human nervously chuckled.
"Gerrrrreat!" Pinkie cheered and bounced away from him.
Lyra was the first to approach the human. "Conrad? I... I just wanted to... to--"
Conrad held up a hand to silence her. "It's OK, Lyra; I know you were just under a spell. I'm not mad at you. Woulda told ya sooner, but you kinda ran away like..." He laughed softly. "Well, you ran off like me from a pony when I first got here."
Lyra giggled and blushed. "Still, sorry all the same. I would love to get to know you better, just... well, I won't bring that little incident up."
He laughed louder this time. "Yeah, I'm still trying to forget that, myself."
Lyra allowed herself to laugh a bit harder as well. "Well, I'm glad to hear you're not upset with me. If you're staying in Ponyville, maybe I could show you around sometime? You know, now that all this craziness is over?"
The human smiled. "I think I'd like that. Hard to appreciate a town when you spend most of your time on the run, you know?"
Lyra nodded. "Yeah, I can see how that might make things difficult." She looked around and noticed a few of the ponies who weren't chatting amongst themselves were waiting for a chance to meet the human in person. "Looks like you've got some other ponies who want to meet you. We can talk more later, OK?"
Conrad nodded back. "Sounds good. See you later."
Lyra bade him goodbye before walking away, her tail swishing somewhat as she rejoined her roommate near the snacks table. She said something to Bon Bon who simply replied with a bemused eye roll.
Fluttershy was next, making Conrad a little nervous of her; he wasn't aware of any spell being on her the times he'd run into her. "So, uh... you're Fluttershy?"
The butter-yellow pegasus meeped and hid under her mane, nodding slightly. "Um... y-yes. I'm... I'm sorry for..."
Conrad knelt down to look her in the eyes, making her shy back even more. "You're not the only one who was having a bad day. Honestly, I think everyone had a touch of madness recently. At least I landed in something soft."
"You're not mad at me, are you?" Fluttershy asked.
"Well," Conrad said, "I'll admit I am, a little, but given what's been going on, it really wasn't the worst thing that could happen to me." He rubbed the back of his neck and grinned sheepishly. "Honestly, I'm more afraid of you than anything."
That got Fluttershy to look up at him. "A-afraid? I'm so sorry. I didn't want that. I just had some advice that I took too far trying to get ponies to respect me."
"Did that advice happen to have anything to do with you breaking creatures' necks?" Conrad asked in a low voice, trying not to sound accusatory.
Fluttershy looked shocked. "What? What ever gave you that idea?
Conrad rolled his eyes. "Come on, I saw you kill a bear with your, well, bare hooves."
The small pegasus blushed and giggled into her hoof. "Oh, no, that was just me working on Harry's stiff joints. The poor thing overstretched himself when trying to climb for honey. I told him he's too heavy to be in trees like that, but he doesn't always listen."
The human raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Wait, you expected a bear to stay away from honey just because you told him to?"
Fluttershy nodded. "Yes, all my animals listen to me... Well, most of them do. Some are more stubborn than others."
"So, you can actually talk to animals?"
"Yes, since I was a foal," Fluttershy answered, "It's what my cutie mark represents." She turned to show her side to the human.
"Interesting," Conrad said, holding his chin, "I guess you can tell a lot about a pony by looking at those." He chuckled. "Honestly, I figured they were some kind of cultural thing, but I never realized how important they could be."
"They're more than important," Rarity said, stepping up next to Fluttershy, "They're magic; they show up when a pony realizes their true calling in life."
"I see," said Conrad, turning his attention to the newcomer, "I take it by the diamonds on your leg, you're the Miss Rarity that Turner mentioned?"
She nodded and offered her hoof. "That is correct, darling."
Conrad took it and shook it. "Pleased to meet you."
"The pleasure is all mine," Rarity replied, "And do forgive dear Fluttershy; she wasn't making up excuses when she said she took that minotaur's advice too far. And honestly, could you blame her if you had an entire crowd of ponies cheering for you after you've just had a lesson in assertiveness? Though, personally, I think he was teaching her how to be a bully, but that's just my opinion."
Fluttershy blushed and hid her face again.
"It's OK," Conrad said, "A cheering crowd can be as powerful as magic, sometimes."
"Thanks," Fluttershy said softly.
"So, Conrad," Rarity said, "I've been meaning to ask you why you need clothing, but now that I've had a look at you, I take it your kind isn't the most well-protected against the elements. Is this correct?"
Conrad blushed and held his arm. "Uh, yeah, there's that, as well as other things. Let's just say that they're so ingrained into my culture that in some places, it's actually a crime to take them off in public."
The unicorn's eyes widened. "Are you saying that your people wear clothing all the time?"
The human nodded. "Pretty much."
"And you've been stuck in those clothes since you got here?"
"Yeah, about a week now, I think," Conrad said, "Kinda lost track on that. Feels like forever, either way."
Rarity gasped, "Why, darling, you simply must allow me to make new outfits for you! You clearly are in desparate need!"
Conrad shrank back a bit. "Thanks, but I really have no way to pay you fo--"
"Pip, pip, pip," Rarity interupted, "Not another word. I haven't had many chances to design for bipedal people, so consider the experience payment enough. Besides, how could I be expected to charge someone who's been through what you have? Why, it would be possitively heartless to even consider such a thing!"
Conrad felt she was being a little dramatic about that, but chose to keep that to himself. "Well, if you say so, I guess. Still not sure it seems fair to you."
Rarity waved her hoof and, as far as Conrad could tell, attempted to beatbox at him. "Oh, please, darling. You're the first human anypony's ever actually seen in real life. You're positively mythical! If anypony were to see you wearing one of my outfits..."
A light went on in Conrad's head. "Ah, I see what you mean. Well, if my endorsement can make up for whatever you give me, I'll be more than happy to do so."
Rarity's eyes sparkled brightly. "Oh, thank you so much, dear! I expect to see you at my boutique soon. Your friend, Turner, knows the way. I so cannot wait to get started!"
The next ponies Conrad met were none other than the three fillies he saw on his second day in Equestria. They immediately bombarded him with all kinds of questions, all the while flooding his emotions with their intoxicating adorableness that made him feel like he was on the verge of another heart attack.
"Alright, you girls, break it up, will ya?" Rainbow Dash said, getting a drawn out 'awwww' from the three of them. "Heheh. Sorry about that. They get a little crazy sometimes."
"Heh, it's kids being kids," Conrad said casually, "Or, foals in this case."
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Humans call their children kids?"
"Depends on who you ask," Conrad said.
"That's weird," Dash replied, "Anywhoodles, How ya holding up?"
Conrad shrugged. "Eh, I'm doing alright. Just glad to finally have all that crap behind me, y'know?"
"Yeah, I hear ya," Rainbow said, "So, maybe sometime we could try flying again?"
"Wait, what?" Conrad asked.
"You know," said Rainbow Dash, "when you're not running for your life and all that. You're actually not as heavy as you look, and maybe you'd enjoy getting to see Ponyville from another angle."
Conrad rubbed the back of his head. "I-I dunno, Dash."
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "What? Ya scared of heights, too?"
"Nah, just falling," the human replied, "Well, more like the sudden stop that comes after."
"Oh puh-leeze!" Rainbow said, waving a hoof at him, "I've never dropped anypony before. If ya ride on my back instead of dangling under me, you'll be fine, and I promise I won't do any loops or spins or anything..." She shot him a grin. "Unless you feel like experiencing real awesomeness."
"I'll think about it," Conrad said, hoping to push the topic away as soon as possible.
As new friendships were forged, Conrad was finally beginning to feel welcome in this strange magical world. After some time of Conrad hanging out and getting to know the ponies better, the door swung open, revealing a very triumphant-looking Twilight Sparkle.
Pinkie rushed to the door to welcome her friend. "Twilight! You made it! Are you ready to par-tay?!"
The unicorn slid her friend aside. "Soon, Pinkie. Right now, I have one last loose end to tie up." She stepped inside, followed by two golden armor-clad royal guards.
"Uh, Twi?" Applejack asked, "What's a-goin' on here?"
Ignoring the farm pony, Twilight pointed a hoof accusingly at Time Turner. "There's the changeling, officers! He's not even the real owner of this cabin!"
The music that was playing stopped with an ear-splitting record scratching sound. Everyone looked in confusion between Twilight and Turner, the latter of whom looked shocked.
"Wait, what's a changeling?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"A changeling," the purple unicorn explained, "is an insect-like pony that takes on the form of other ponies to feed on the love of others. Time Turner has been using his pony disguise to steal love from Conrad through their friendship!"
"Now see here, Twilight," the stallion said defensively, "You have no proof to such a heinous accusation!"
Twilight's manure-munching grin only spread wider. "Gentlecolts?"
The two guards split apart, making way for Derpy and Doctor Hooves to enter their cabin. Turner's blood ran cold and sweat started to bead around his face at the sight of his past self and sister.
"Wait a minute!" Bon Bon said, "Why does one have wings and the other doesn't, huh?"
"Yeah!" Lyra joined in, "They could just look similar to each other, right, Turner?"
Before he could answer, Turner's body was framed in a cold, green flame that climbed up his body from his hooves.
Conrad looked in horror at his friend. "T-turner?!"
The earth pony's head spun as he tried in vain to put out the flames. "No! Please! I... I don't want to go!" In a blinding flash, the stallion was gone without a trace.
Recovering quickly from the shock, the two guards quickly ran out the door in search of the alleged changeling.
Conrad, however, knew better.
Twilight, tossing her mane back as she tilted her muzzle up victoriously, began to strut around the room. "As I suspected. Now the guards will catch Time Turner, and the princess will see to it that it's properly taken care of. Ooh, just wait until she hears about this! She'll be so happy that I could help you, Conrad!"
The human's expression hardened, and his hand locked up into a fist.
Taking no notice of this, Twilight continued her tirade. "Don't you all worry about a thing. Our human friend here is in good hooves now. With that parasite out of the way, he can start looking to us for true friendship." She spun around to face the human. "Isn't that gre--AAH!"
Twilight's sentence was cut off by Conrad's fist striking her on the cheek, sending her sprawling out across the floor and eliciting a gasp from everypony present.
"YOU BITCH!" Conrad screamed at the top of his lungs, "HOW DARE YOU CLAIM TO BE A BETTER FRIEND THAN TURNER?!"
Twilight looked up at him from the floor, holding her sore cheek in her hoof as she lay on her side on the hard wood. "Wh-what?" was all she could manage to say.
"Conrad, calm down!" Applejack cried.
Ignoring her, Conrad went on. "Turner has done nothing but help me since the moment we met! If not for him, I would be dead right now! What have you done? You've bewitched me, chased me all over town, treated me like a monster, and even made Princess Celestia herself have to intervene twice since I got here! And all the while, Turner has taken care of me and hidden me in the hooves of ponies that actually give a damn! I don't care if Turner was a changeling or not; he's been a hundred times the friend to me you could ever be. If you ask me, he's earned every drop of love he could get and more, because he was the realest friend I had here, and now because of you, he's gone! He probably doesn't exist anymore because of you!"
"Darling, what are you talking about?" Rarity asked, comforting a shivering Fluttershy who'd buried her face in the unicorn's shoulder.
"What am I talking about?" Conrad nearly spat, "Time Turner was no changeling; he was a time traveler! He went back in time to save her!" He pointed at Derpy.
"Me?" the gray mare asked, touching her chest.
"Time Turner is what the original Doctor Hooves started calling himself after he made a deal with Discord to save Derpy's life," Conrad said, trying to lower his voice, "That was the price he paid: losing his wings, and having to live in secret away from his family"
"How could that possibly be true?" Doctor Hooves asked, "How can you know this?"
"The Best Young Flier's competition," Conrad explained, "Derpy was doing a thunderhead pinball routine when something went wrong."
"But she was able to pull up at the last second," Rainbow Dash said, "Everypony there saw it."
"No," said Derpy, "He's right. I was unconscious the whole time I was falling. I blacked out the instant that storm cloud hit me."
"Turner saved Derpy's life as well as my own," Conrad said, turning to Twilight, "and now, because of you, he's gone."
All eyes fell on Twilight. The unicorn looked around, at the friends who looked at her in disbelief, at the human seething with rage, and the two pegasus siblings who's expressions showed they didn't know what to think of her.
"I..." she stammered, "I didn't mean... I'm so--I'm sorry!" Panicking, with no way out to run, Twilight charged her horn and teleported away.
Everypony deflated after that, Pinkie Pie doing so literally as she hung her head. "Party's over, everypony..."
Conrad sat on the porch by himself after everypony had left. After explaining his situation to Doctor and Derpy Hooves, and after they saw what good shape he'd kept the place in, they agreed to let him stay in the cabin as long as he needed to. Conrad was thankful, and wished them both well as they left.
As he sat there in the light of the setting sun, several questions ran through his mind. Where is Turner? He couldn't really have been a changeling, could he? Can changelings even learn time magic? Twilight acted like changelings are monsters or something. What would Princess Celestia say about him? And if he isn't one, then what happened to him? Did he... Tears ran down his cheeks as he fought off that train of thought.
A hoof on his shoulder brought the human from his thoughts, and he looked to see Applejack beside him. "Oh, hey, AJ. I didn't hear you come back."
"How're ya holdin' up?" the farm pony asked.
Conrad sighed and wiped his face. "I dunno. There's so much on my mind right now. I don't know what to think about any of this." He held his arms, gripping his biceps tightly, and hunched over. "I'm worried about Turner. I mean, what if it turns out Twilight was right, and he is a changeling? Do you think Princess Celestia would be mad?"
"Sugarcube, Ah don't think the princess would be mad at him fer that," Applejack said, slowly rubbing her hoof on his back, "Ah mean, he's done so much fer ya, right? Ah think the princess would judge him based on what he'd done and not on what he is."
"Still," Conrad said, "What do you think happened to him? There was that flash, and then he was just... gone."
Applejack sat down and looked at the ground. "Ah dunno. Ah remember him doin' some kinda blinkin' thing with ya back when we were tryin' ta get ya off the farm. Maybe he just did that. Maybe he's off hidin' somewhere, y'know? Waitin' fer the heat to die down, now that Twi's all in a flurry about him."
Conrad gripped his arms tighter, not caring that he was hurting himself. "Twilight. If Turner really is gone because of her, I'll never forgive her."
The farm pony opened her mouth to defend Twilight, but stopped. How could she defend somepony, even her friend, knowing full well that pony might be responsible for someone's death? "Ah'm afraid Ah don't know nuthin' about time travel. If he's from another time, maybe then he got pushed back to that time?"
"Maybe," Conrad said, "Maybe he went forward. Maybe he's in the future now, and he got sent there to make up for all the time he spent going backwards. Or maybe he's back in the other timeline where Derpy is dead." A twinge of sorrow stung his heart at the thought of his best friend going through all that, just to go back to a world where the pony he cared about most of all was gone again. It hurt even worse to think that it could have been Conrad's fault.
Applejack noticed him grimace at the thought and pulled him into a hug. "Ya can't assume the worst like that. Don't lose hope that Turner might come back, ya hear?"
"I know I shouldn't, but what else do I have?" he asked.
"Last I checked, you have a friendship with a princess who probably knows more about magic than anypony else in the world," Applejack said, "Ah'm sure Princess Celestia could figure out what happened, and at least then, you won't have ta worry no more. In fact, Ah could put ya up on a train ta Canterlot so ya could go an' see what she has to say about all this."
"What makes you think she doesn't already know?" Conrad asked.
"Last time Twilight screwed up, well, you were there. The princess blinked herself right here ta straighten things out. After something like this, Ah'd suspect she'd do just that if'n Twilight had told her about it."
"So Twilight's keeping her trap shut." He snorted angrily. "Good. The less out of her, the better."
Applejack didn't like hearing things like that about her friend, but she couldn't blame Conrad for being angry.
"Anyway, thanks, Applejack," Conrad said, "If there's anything I can do to repay you, just let me know."
Applejack's mood lightened up a bit. "Sugarcube, don't you worry none about that. Ah'm just helpin' a friend who's been through a hard time. You'd do the same fer me if ya could."
"Still, I don't like taking things for free if I can help it," he said, "Rarity is taking my endorsement in payment for the clothes, so maybe I could do something for you. Maybe help out around the farm?"
The mare looked him up and down, then chuckled into her hoof.
"What?" he asked indignantly.
"Conrad, don't take this the wrong way, but Ah git the impression you ain't made fer hard labor."
"Well there's gotta be something I can do," he said defiantly.
"Alright, how 'bout this," she offered, "You just work the apple stall this weekend at the farmer's market. If it works out, Ah'll let ya keep the job until ya go home. That'll give ya somethin' ta keep ya busy until the princess finds a way back to yer world, and you can support yerself while git'n ta know the townsfolk better. Sound good?"
Conrad tapped his chin, then nodded. "Yeah, wouldn't be the first part-time job I've had. Alright, you've got a deal."
"Good. Then let's shake on it." Applejack spat in her hoof and offered it to him.
Conrad looked at the hoof apprehensively, eliciting a light-hearted chuckle from her.
"Ah'm just kiddin'." She wiped her hoof in the grass and smiled at him.
"Oh, OK." He chuckled back half-heartedly. "So, I should meet you at the train station tomorrow?"
"You know the way?"
"No."
"Then Ah'll pick ya up an' show ya." Applejack stood up and gave him one more hug. "Everything'll be fine. You'll see."
He returned the hug, nodding against her neck. "Thanks, Applejack, for everything."
With that, the two said their goodbyes. Conrad watched Applejack walk away, then went inside to rest after a most tiresome day. As he waited for sleep to take him, he rekindled the flicker of hope that he might see Turner again.
