Introvert Wade Jallecks gets teleported to equestria by the merchant. At least he has a morphing device to help him. But how the hell is he supposed to deal with a land full of individuals wanting nothing more than to be friends?
HIE, a Displaced story. I dont get it. I didn't even wanna go to that stupid convention. I suck around big crowds. Didn't help, what with all the talk of people dressing up in cosplay going missing. I pick up an Escafil cube off some random table to take a look at it, and now I'm stuck in a world of vibrant pony-people?
Holy rusted metal, Batman! Featured on 4/24/15! And again on 8/5/15!...and... again? on 8/6/15? Thank you guys so much!~
My name is Wade Jallecks. Wierd name, I know. But its what I was born with. This all started on the second day of a convention I went to with my friend.
I shifted in my seat, eager to evacuate myself from this enclosed space of sweat and stink. I was sitting in row 5, seat 16 of hall B. Sitting amongst a sea of sweaty people who apparently had never heard of the concept of deodorant. Or bathing daily. A new trailer for some new anime played up on the big screen, music and action packed sound effects making the floor rumble below me with the bass. Regardless of the surrounding "coolness", I was miserable. My previous complaints about everyone elses stink nonwithstanding, my own clothes were plastered against me, so friggin hot that it was inside the concert hall. I finally decided to end my torment, politely (save for that one jerk whose foot I stomped on-said excuse me and the asshat told me to "get out of the 'effing way"-) made my way to the outside of the row of seats, and exited the hall.
Now, its not completely true to say I suck in large crowds. A better description would be that I am a terrified introvert. I do okay with small groups, but anything larger than a group of 3 and I freeze up, cast my eyes downward and mumble incoherently. I'm not proud of that. Its easier when no ones paying attention to me, but even then large crowds make me indescribably nervous. To say that exiting the hall was a godsend was an understatement.
As I breathed in a delightfully clean breath of air, I noticed something. We had passed table after table of random merch, and most of it was stuff I didn't recognize. Some of it(Clouds sword, albeit a smaller version was on a table to my right) was instantly recognizable, but most of it I probably wouldn't have been able to recognize even if I had been an avid fan of...whatever it was. Walking past table after table of random junk, I found a table stacked high with something that made me sweat.
My little pony merch. My little sisters favorite show. I'd seen a couple of episodes, the show itself wasn't that bad persay. Considering I was a guy however, I felt I had no business becoming involved with such a...colorful series. That being said, apparently a large amount of guys were into the show(as evidenced by the large group of non prepubescent non girls that had just left the table, each having stuffed away their given purchases in multiple bags.), not only my sister. Speaking of, my sister had begged my parents to let her come with me and my friend to this convo, and having failed that had begged myself to bring her back a "Fluttershy" until she had started crying. I may not do to well with strangers, but my sister is my life. I'd brave anything to make her happy.
I walked over to the table, and the guy sitting behind it flashed me a brilliant white smile. I froze. Not good.
"Can I help you find anything?" he asked me, and to my credit I actually managed to get out what I was trying to say.
"I...er...c-c-c-can I g-get a Fluttershy plushy?" I asked, my face burning with shame. I'd get her "a Fluttershy" but she was going to have to owe me BIG time. I pointed to one in the pile, a yellow pony with pink hair and tail. According to my sister (who had given me explicit instructions on which one to look for,) this one was a variation of the original character, quite aptly named due to her exaggerated appearance-
"Ah, Flutterbat, good choice, that'll rack you up forty six dollars." I grimaced, but the thing was really well made. Elly would love it. I pulled out my wallet, and handed the guy two twenties and a ten. He handed me my change, then gestured to a pile of vinyl keychains. "Since your purchase was over thirty bucks, you get a free keychain too." He gave me another wide smile, and I could swear I saw a glint of light reflecting off of them. Since I was apparently getting something for free, but didn't want to spend any more time around this exuberant fellow, I pulled a random keychain from the pile.
"I guess I'll take this one. Thanks, bye." and with that I turned and walked away. I had apparently picked the rainbow haired one. Joy.I stuffed both my purchases in my backpack(a convention standby, or so I was told)and continued down the isle. There were a few people here and there, but all in all I didnt feel that uncomfortable. And then I saw a table that made my heart literally skip a beat.
Animorphs memorabilia. Little figures of all the characters, multiple copies of all the books in the series. The old transformers spin offs that hasbro had made. Ventricular spreads of all the morphs. I loved this friggin series back in the day, but I had never bought any merch of it. I had never even bought all the books, just checked them out from the library. You don't get youth books as deep as these ones were nowadays, nosiree. The guy at the table wasn't exactly...friendly looking. But at least he wasn't trying to make friends with me like the other guy.
And then I saw it. The Escafil Device. A seemingly simple blue cube, glowing from within. It was this thing that the series was built on, giving the main characters their "morphing abilities". Once they first touched it, they could turn into any animal, provided the fact that they "acquired" the DNA beforehand. It wasn't in a display case, so I took this to mean that picking it up was fair game. The guy gave me a snide grin, and I braced myself for what was most likely going to be his sales pitch.
"Catch your eye? All my wares were made...specifically to order. Perhaps this was made just for you?" I snorted to myself, and started as the cube sent tingly feelings down my arm.
"Whoa, cool, this has a static thing in it? How longs the battery last," I turned the cube over, looking for a set of screws or a little tab door thing." Or...how do you charge it?"
"Don't worry, it should last longer than you would, plus I added a couple nifty features," he drawled, probably just meant the lights or something. "You wont even have to worry about the two hour time limit. My treat."
I laughed to myself, this guy was getting way too into it. "Okay then, so how...much...is it." I said to the large barn wall before me.
Gone was the line of tables and people hawking their wares. I was somehow outside, standing a few feet from a barn wall. I could tell it was a barn wall, because it was the stereotypical annoying red that they usually had in cartoons. I will admit I stood there for over a minute, looking back and forth between the cube in my hand and the barn in front of me. Finally I managed to express my emotions and thoughts into a comprehensive sentence worthy of the intellectual that I was.
"What?"
"AAAAGH, MONSTER!!!!" The girlish high pitched scream came from my left , and as I turned I saw a small horse run around the corner out of sight. Maybe a pet? Didn't really explain why the girl yelled out "monster". Maybe she had just seen me pop outta midair? All in all, that little girl was probably my best chance to figuring out what had happened.
"Hey, wait, little girl wait!" I ran as quickly as I could after her, and was shocked by what I saw. Fields upon fields of apple trees, as far as I could tell with a glance. Good god, I wasn't in the city any more.
"There it is, get it brother!" The voice came from my right, and I was barely able to turn towards it till a giant...red thing barreled into me. I'd like to say that I was able to take the hit, and shrug it off, but I'm not so well built. I got knocked out cold.
Next thing I knew, I woke up inside the barn, tied to one of the posts. My hands were secured with a knot that I swear was made explicitly to remove all traces of feeling. I could hear muffled voices from beyond the door, along with the little girl that I had heard earlier. I couldn't think up any good reason for anyone to tie up a stranger in their barn, so I was getting respectably worried. I twisted my body till I was able to shove my hands in my pocket, fishing for my pocket knife. This knot, as good as it was, couldn't hope to stand up to a blade. Half a minute of frenzied sawing later and I managed to get my hands free, returning the circulation. They hadn't taken off my backpack, and thankfully I had managed to tuck my new toy into it before being assaulted by the "village people". Regardless of how badly I messed up that reference. I stalked my way closer to the barn door, picking out what sounded like a heated argument between brother and sister.
"'taint right Big Mac, an you know it! Attackin' random animals simply cause they wandered too close, then tying them up in the barn? The hey is wrong with you big brother?"
"It scared Applebloom, she came tearing around the barn like a pack of timberwolves was after her, I was only trying to protect her."
Big Mac? Applebloom? Random animal? Where the hell was I, that all this wackiness was just content to run around rampant? I sure as heck couldn't stay here, I had to get to a phone so I could call the cops or something. If I stayed here, who knows what these whackos would do to me?
I backed away from the door, letting the angry words beyond die down to a low buzz. Looking around, I tried to find another exit, with little success. In spite of that, I did manage to find a couple of loose boards along the back wall. Pulling them free, I shoved my backpack through. Then I managed to get stuck. I was never exactly the pinnacle of human fitness. But I never thought I was THIS chunky. I finally managed to squirm my way through, just as I hear the barn door squeal open on its hinges.
"Its getting away!" "no brother!" "stay there Applebloom!" I heard from the hole as I ran down the beaten dirt path. If there was a path, it could lead to civilization! I made it about twenty feet before I was tackled, rolling and landing on my back as this big...red horse thing placed a giant hoof on my chest. And following it to stand beside it was an orange horsie. It was then that my mind shut down for a few seconds. I recognized these two! They were characters from that my little pony show my sister loved. It was then everything became clear.
I was dreaming!
That made everything so much better, now that I was lucid I could shift the dream how I wanted! And I knew now just how to start it, seeing as this whole dream had obviously started when I found the animorphs stall. No way anyone besides me would actually have any interest in such an old series. And since I had started by touching the Escafil Device, I knew what to do to make this dream a bit more...fun.
With a wide smile, I reached out and grabbed both of them by the legs and concentrated. It was an odd feeling, but within the realm of dreams I guess everything is an odd feeling. I focused on acquiring both Applejack( I had remembered the name of the orange one) and Big Macintosh's at the same time, trying to copy an event I had read in the books. An alien by the name of Ax(trust me, you don't want to know his full name) had created a hybrid morph of all of his friends. During the process, both Applejack and Big Mac had stiffened, getting a glazed look in their eyes. This part of the dream fit the books well enough. Whenever one of the characters would "acquire" a new morph, it usually ended up with the target becoming lethargic for a limited time, easing the process along. Usually. Some times it resulted in the animal thrashing out of control.
Smiling up at the both of them, I concentrated and started to morph.
Applebloom had heard a loud popping sound come from around the side of the barn. She had checked, and there was this weird diamond dog thing just staring at the barn wall. It kept looking back and forth from the glowing cube in its paw to the wall, as if it couldn't decide what it wanted to do.
Then it spoke.
Applebloom panicked, running to her brother. Big Macintosh had kinda gone overboard though, bashing the poor thing into unconsciousness. She had watched as her brother had tied it to a post in the barn "Can't be too careful". She had then watched as her sister came up, asking what was going on. Applejack had blown her top at them both, for overreacting against a creature that so far as she knew hadn't actually shown any aggression. She had actually convinced Big Mac to untie it, but as they opened the barn they saw it squirming out through a couple broken planks in the back wall. The ropes had been cut by something, but that didnt matter.
"Its getting away!" her brother called out, giving chase.
"No brother!" Applebloom yelled, trying to follow. She felt her tail being grasped by her sister, and was summarily dumped back on her flank back in front of the barn.
"Stay there Applebloom!" Applejack told her, rushing off their brother. Applebloom managed to stay put for a whole thirteen seconds, then followed. What she saw astounded her. The diamond dog thing had both her siblings by a leg, but it didn't seem to be hurting them. They were just blankly staring out into space. Then the really weird thing started. The diamond dog things body and clothes started...melting. Twisting. Shifting in color and shape, it started gruesomely changing into...a pony?
After several seconds, it finally stopped, and Applebloom stared in amazement. It looked like...a female version of her brother?
Inspecting myself, I was covered in red hair(Fur? Was this fur? It didn't feel like how I remembered horse hair feeling. Though these weren't really horses, were they? Didn't really matter now that I thought about it, since this was a dream it could feel like barb wire and still be perfectly natural.) from my head to my...hoof. Hooves? Trippy. I had a long swathe of hair that descended from my crown and even all the way back down my neck. It was dark blonde, almost as orange as the female horses coat. Thankfully I didn't have a butt tattoo, that would have been too much.
My two dream hallucinations had started to pull them selves out of their "daze", and were looking at me again.
"Think you can get offa me?" I asked the big guy, his hoof still firmly planted on my ches-...barrel? I really should have read up on horse anatomy before having this dream. The big lug looked at me with confusion in his eyes, and removed his hoof from my midsection. I brought myself to my feet-HOOVES, and brushed myself off. My backpack hung loose on my back now, but that was all right. The big guy looked like he was about to say something, so I interrupted him with a fore hoof flung forward to point wildly behind him. I made sure I wasn't pointing at anything in particular, and yelled out as loudly as I could.
"OH MY GOSH A DISTRACTION!" Once their heads had whipped towards where I was pointing, I turned on a dime and ran down the path. Good god for once in my life it felt good to run. The wind whistling through my hair, my legs thudding against the ground, it was a truly exhilarating experience. And to have gotten such a reaction...god, wouldn't have thought that trick would work even in my dream. But hey, my dream. I chuckled to myself as I ran, this body was fast, with a capital F. The trees on either side of me zoomed past, and I could hear the two chuckleheads behind me trying to keep up.
As the minutes rushed by, I found the road becoming more even, and widening. I made my way over the lip of a hill, and stopped dead. Before me I saw what looked like a large town, full to the brim with colorful buildings and ponies. I grimaced a bit at this, my subconscious was apparently messing with me. This was supposed to be a lucid dream now, why couldn't arrive at someplace cool like on the desert planet from star wars or middle earth? Tons of cool stuff I could morph into there. As I was caught up in my thoughts, the worst thing ever popped up in front of me. It was the pink one.
"Hi there I'm Pinkie Pie I know you're new here because I've never seen you before and I know everypony in town because well I'm the resident Prolific Party Pony Pinkie Pie and I was wondering something very very very important and that is do you like cupcakes and cake and fruit punch?"
I stood there floundering for a second, apparently this hyperactive menace had asked...about...if I liked cake?
"Uhhhhhhh...yes?"This apparently was not the right answer, causing the obviously sugar laden pony to squeal to such pitch that it caused my left eye to twitch. She then invaded my personal space with a spine breaking hug, and then rushed off with a "meep meep!" Friggin road runner physics.
"Hey you, wait up missy!" Great, it looked as if 'Applejack' and her brother had finally caught up. I would just will them away, but that would take too much thought process. Instead I calmly walked off towards the town, annoying duo in tow. "H-hey, wait up!"
"Can't help you, too busy ignoring you!" I called out behind myself, I was mildly pleased to hear the big guy sputtering in what I can only assume was rage. I don't like talking big irl, but in an imaginary setting like this, I felt safe antagonizing a random asshat.
I continued on my way, ignoring each and every attempt those two made to converse with me. I had gotten a little antsy coming so close to the town, even though I knew it wasn't real. To this end I managed to skirt my way around the outskirts of the town, finally finding myself heading towards some sort of...cottage near a thick forest.
"Why you heading out to Fluttershys? You a friend o' hers?" Applejack asked from behind me. She and her brother were still following me, it didn't look as if I was going to get rid of either of them any time soon. To try and alleviate this, I turned off the path and headed into the forest. they kept on following me, asking me questions, trying to get a response out of me. Several minutes later, she had apparently gotten so pissed off at me that she decided to grab my tail(yeah, flouncy long thing it was)with her mouth. Disgusting. I turned to chew her out, when something decided to tear my leg off.
I was lying in the dust for a few seconds, listening to Applejack and Big Macintosh yell in surprise and terror before the pain reached me. I had never so much as had gotten a broken arm before this. I can say with absolute certainty that this was a horrendous feeling, it felt like every single nerve ending from my hip and downward were on fire. I can't say I was paying much attention on the outside world at this point, but I was certain of one thing.
Applejack bucked the timberwolf square in the chest, throwing it backwards against a nearby tree. It's body shattered into a collection of branches and leaves, but she knew that where there was one, there was bound to be more. the thing had ripped into the poor mares right foreleg, completely severing it at the lower joint. It was bleeding freely, and the mare looked to be in great pain. She yelled at Big Mac to "go get help!" as she carefully lifted the mare onto her back. She may have been...that other thing, wandering around Sweet Apple farm. But at this point in time there was only the threat of this poor mares life on the line.
Applejack ran as carefully as she could, trying not to jostle her cargo as she made her way to the hospital. On her back, the mare gave a low moan and then started to...melt. Her body twisted and warped on her back, forcing her to a stop. Within a minute, the tall biped that she and her brother had seen was lying on her back, limbs dragging along the ground. Applejack panicked for a second, before she heard the tell tale snore that signified an asleep individual.
With but a second to think, she turned towards the large crystalline castle in the middle of town.
<Species not recognized. Application rejected.> ...
<Species not recognized. Application rejected.> What the hell was that? It wasn't like a voice, well it was, but it wasn't like I was hearing it, or even hearing the words...
<Species not recognized. Application rejected.> I was apparently lying on my side, drooling on a pillow. Wonderful. To make matters even more uncomfortable, I could tell this wasn't the bed from the hotel by the size. Plus the sheets were different. Which meant I had gotten a micky somehow, and any moment I was going to develop a blistering headache. On the bright side, maybe I had gotten laid? No. I was still fully clothed, I apparently hadn't even made the effort of taking my pants off before collapsing on this bed.
<Species not recognized. Application rejected.> Seriously, the hell was that. I-
"Say something different darn you!" a distinctly feminine voice shouted, startling me fully awake.
"Calm down Twilight, you're gonna hurt yourself if you keep this up..." this came from a younger, male source. "You've been at this for two days now, you gotta give yourself a break!"
"A break?!!?" the woman shouted, sounding near hysterical. "I can't take a break now, I HAVE to figure out how this works!"
"Twilight...come on..."
"No Spike, you don't understand," the voice paused, and I could hear...hooves clopping several steps before the familiar sound of chalk on a blackboard started up. I have a thing against chalk. The sound is bad, but the feeling is infinitely worse. To me its like my skin is trying to crawl off of itself. So there I lay, trying not to move. Poorly.
"This artifact is seemingly MADE from pure magic, but its not emitting or absorbing any ambient magic!" a flurry of chalk scrabbles sent my spine to live somewhere in Cuba, "And to top it off, I can't access any of the spellworks, or even push a SPARK of mana into it. Simply put, its infuriating." she paused, and I could hear her walking back to her original spot somewhere behind me. I heard a light thunk, like she had set something hard down on top of another hard thing.
<Species not recognized. Application rejected.> "What does that meeeaaaaaaaan?!?!?" she wailed in frustration, throwing something hard against the back of my head. I'd like to say that I kept up the illusion of being asleep. I'd like to say that I reacted to the pain and managed to stay in control of it. I'd also like to say I didn't flop out of bed screaming bloody murder, clutching the back of my head and rolling all over the place.
I'd like to say that. But I was too busy rolling around on the floor, clutching a bump on the back of my head, uttering every curse word I knew of.
And it only got worse when the pain finally ebbed, allowing me to finally see the two people who had been talking. It was a purple unicorn. Not just ANY purple unicorn, but the one from my sisters show. And her...dragon...brother? Son? They'd never really made it very clear on the show. Or if they had, they hadn't said anything about it on the three episodes I watched.
"Greeeaaaaat," I managed to slur, "Now I KNOW I have a concussion, I'm seeing unicorns and dragons..." I chuckled, closing my eyes tightly to try and retain some sense of normality.
"Omygosh, I am so sorry I didn't mean to hit you!" the purple menace to my sanity rattled off, and then I heard her walking hurriedly away, before coming back and stopping maybe a foot away.
Opening my eyes again, I was greeted by the unwelcome sight of a purple muzzle inches away from my face. Looking at her more closely, her eyes appeared to be filled with worry. "Are you all right, do you mind if I take a look at it?" she asked, and I could see that she had somehow managed to get her hands...hooves on a red cross emergency aid kit.
I grunted, hoping she'd just leave me alone to wallow in my misery. When that didn't work, I finally relented. "Its fine... just a little bump on the back of your head, nothing to worry about, see?" she asked. I had no idea how I was supposed to see the back of my head, but whatever.
"What the hell did you hit me with, anyway? And why the hell did you throw it at me anyway?" I asked, rubbing the tender spot.
At this, she had the decency to look slightly mortified at her actions. Seriously, her ears splayed and everything. If she hadn't just assaulted me, I might have even called it adorable. Seeing as the back of my head still hurt though, I think I'd call it "annoying".
"I...well...you see... it was the magic cube you had in your backpack?" I stared at her for a few seconds, my face screwed into a frown. She broke eye contact, and started taking an unusual interest in the floor.
"Why did you take something out of MY backpack?" I asked, taking care to put as much emphasis as I could on the MY. I didn't like people touching my stuff. The fact that this...girl had gone through my personal property, while I was asleep, was kinda off-putting to say the least.
"I...er...its just..." her ears were still splayed back and her eyes darted back between me and my backpack, which I saw she had open on a table nearby. Thankfully, it seemed she hadn't opened the side pocket yet, which was where I had stashed the mlp merch. That was a whole nother can of worms I didn't feel like opening at the moment.
It suddenly hit me then, with about the force of a train going full speed. Holy shit. I was in the tv show.
I was in A tv show.
How the hell did this happen? Magic isn't supposed to be real, and it sure as shit shouldn't be limited to sending me to the land of prissy technicolor ponies. I backtracked through my memories, hoping for a clue to let me into some tiny sliver of sense I could make of this whole stupid situation.
"...and you wouldn't wake up, so I decided to look into your stuff to see if I could figure out anything about you," Holy shit she had been talking that whole time. I hadn't been paying attention, but it seemed like she was at least trying to apologize. "And then I saw your magic cube and I..." at this she paused, looking with downcast eyes towards the floor. "I got distracted. Trying to figure out how it worked."
I leaned closer and settled a hand down upon her head. It felt like hair. She looked slightly surprised at this, but her expression turned to one of confusion as I continued to poke and prod at her head.
"...what are you doing?"
"Making sure you aren't a hallucination. Although I gotta say, if you are one, you certainly are a fuzzy one." I stated, tracing the hair/fur down the side of her face with my index finger. I felt a pulse of heat come from her cheek, and very suddenly realized I was doing exactly what I hated others for doing. Invading her personal space. I jerked my hand back, and uttered an apology. "Sorry, didn't mean to invade your personal space, thanks for letting me sleep here," I walked over to my backpack, and shoved what clothes she had scattered back inside it. It was then that my traitorous gut decided I needed to be embarrassed more. With a long guttural groan, it managed draw all three stares from the room.
"Well, he hasn't eaten for two days, right?" asked the purple and green dragon.
"HORGLEOOOOOOORFFF!" I said. Well, not so much said as spewed. Purple menace made pancakes. After several apologies directed towards my gastric distress- all whilst I regurgitated three pancakes and a glass of orange juice- we eventually came to the conclusion that I can't eat 'hay based pancake batter'. A shame, really. Not only was my gut empty after two days of being comatose(can't see any other reason I'd be asleep for over 9 hours), my ribcage now felt like it was trying to squeeze my insides out my throat. Throwing up sucks. You'd think the human body would find an easier way of evacuating all the stuff in the stomach without causing it so much pain.
"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked.
"Hup-LEEEEEUUUUUUUUOOOGGGGHHHHH." I managed to reply, tactfully.
She gave a little huff and left me to my porcelain/crystal trough/throne. It was more or an oval than most toilets I'm used to. Guess it was to be expected, what with differences in physiology. Oh well. I'd apparently been dragged to some sort of...crystal mansion thing. The walls, the floors, even the doors was made of the stuff. This place was a maze, too, just halls upon halls of doors and doorways. I swear I had even gone past a gym at one point. Can't say for sure though, I was a bit busy trying to hold onto my breakfast.
I eventually managed to settle my stomach to the point where I was able to make my way back to the dining area. I spied a bowl of fruit, so I picked up an apple on my way back to my previous seat. The dragon kid looked a bit miffed that I simply took a bit of food without asking, but he got his fill of jewel encrusted pancakes so he could go stuff himself. And yeah, he ate jewels. I saw him pop a sapphire in his mouth and crunch it like it was just a mouthful of corn flakes. The jaw strength he must have is freakish. Purple menace was poking at my Escafil Device again, turning it over on the table.
"Find out anything interesting?" I asked around a mouthful of apple. It was damned good apple too. Not too sweet, not too sour, and it had a lasting taste that didn't cling to the back of my throat. It seemed that Purple hadn't noticed my arrival, seeing as she had a surprised look plastered across her face.
"When did you-? Doesn't matter. What is this?" she asked, thrusting the Escafil Device towards me, where it rested flat on her hoof. It gave a single pulse of blue light and then-
<Species not recognized. Application rejected.>
So the damn cube had been saying that. And in thought-speak to boot. In the books, the Escafil Device was made by a race of aliens called Andelite. The Andelite didn't have mouths or vocal cords(they actually ate through their hooves. yes hooves. they kinda looked like centaurs.), so they had developed a telepathic communication that they then implemented in their technology. According to the books, it could be focused to only a select individual or individuals(private) or it could be used to address everyone in a given area.
"And why does it keep saying that?" she whined at me. She had her face screwed up in a pitiful expression. It was almost funny.
"Its an Escafil Device, and I can only assume you pissed it off or something." at this she gave a surprised look towards it, then drew it closer to her face. Supposedly to get a better look.
"Its alive?" She asked. As much as I would like to lead her on, I'd rather nip this in the bud. Lies tend to end up spiraling out of control for me. More often than not.
"No, its just a machine. A very advanced machine, but just a machine." I sighed. I just remembered that she had called it a 'magic' cube. She was more than likely going to raise a fuss about this now.
"But its made of magic, its not a machi-"
"LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA not listening!" I stated, placing my hands over my ears. I try not to be a jerk, but I absolutely hate when people go off on tangents, expecting me to understand what all it is they're saying. It had served to jostle Purple out of her sermon of magic techno babble. She stood there, the Escafil Device extended on her hoof before her. She looked at me like I had grown a second head. I had basically just snapped at her.
"Sorry, I...Kinda have a lot going on. Woke up in a strange girls house, you know?" At my implication, she full on blushed. It was adorable, and at least there's a such thing as modesty in this backwards world where everyone walked around naked. Ho yeah, I noticed. I'm not blind. Or completely stupid, like so many people claimed of me.
I snatched the cube out of her outstretched hoof, startling her. "Mine." I stated dryly, tucking it into my pocket. Her eyes tracked the movement, then snapped back upwards to look at me questioningly. "To simplify explanations, it lets me morph."
"Morph." she repeated, looking at me blankly. "What is 'morph', exactly?" she asked. A simple enough question, but the way she asked made me giggle. Internally, of course.
"Uhhhhhh." I stated. "Its an action? It basically means shifting from one form to another? I think?"
She looked a bit confused at this, staring off into space in deep thought before asking me another question. "Can I see it?"
"See what? The cube? Haven't you had enough of a looksee?" I know I was being a bit rude. Oh well.
"N-no, the morph! Can I see your morph?"
Well, if she wanted to see it, who was I to deny her? I stepped forward, and booped her on the nose. She gave me an expression that I can only assume meant 'the hell ya doin' but I did my best to reassure her. "I first have to 'acquire' blood through contact-" she drew back with panic in her eyes, "hey hey hey hey, it doesn't hurt, and its less than a drop of blood, like nothing. It doesn't cut or anything, It just requires contact." she settled down at that, but still looked a bit apprehensive. I rested my finger back on the tip of her muzzle, and focused on acquiring her. Her eyes became glazed over, and soon enough it was over. I started morphing into her, my skin stretching and melting into itself. Again my clothes morphed with me, which in all honesty shouldn't happen. In the books, they always had problems with clothes, and anything that wasn't skintight was summarily ripped to shreds or was simply shrunk out of. Something to think on at a later point in time.
In short order I was once again a quadruped, but this time I found myself covered in purple hair and with a horn of...bone-stuff jutting out of my brow. The dragon was staring openly at me, his jaw open comedically wide. I looked over at the Purple menace and noticed...she was taller then me. That was weird. I decided to voice my concerns.
"Why are you taller than me?"
She looked down at me(she was at least a few inches taller than me) in amazement, then proceeded to circle me, looking at me from seemingly every angle. She finally stopped in front of me,
"You look exactly like when I was a unicorn." she stated, apparently dumfounded.
"You're...not a unicorn?" She sure looked like one. She turned her side to me and....fluttered a wing at me. Huh. "Well that's odd, it should be a perfect copy of the host DNA..." I would have continued in my musing, but I got tackled by a certain rainbow haired pony shouting something about 'changelings'.
It all started when Applejack brought the human to the "friendship castle". (Twilight hated the moniker, but it had quickly stuck) She had brought it in, going on about how it had been walking around on Sweet Apple Acres before her brother had tied it up in the barn. Twilight had facehoofed at this, sometimes Big Macs protectiveness had a tendency to overshadow his common sense. Applejack had then continued, describing how the human had changed into a female version of Big Mac, and than ran off towards town. This had of course piqued Twilights interest, but apparently the human had refused to answer any of Big Macs or Applejacks questions, right up to the point it had tried to lose the brother sister duo in the Everfree forest.
Applejack at this point detailed how whilst following the human, a timberwolf had come out of the brush and savagely attacked the human turned pony, rendering it unconscious. She had then apparently been making her way to the hospital with the poor dear on her back, when he had changed back, rendering his injury null and void. Truly a remarkable ability, if they could implement this type of spell(for what else could such an ability be? Even a changelings tranformative powers didn't completely negate injuries...)they could probably save countless lives. Applejack had then decided to bring the human to Twilight, having remembered from her descriptions through the mirror in the Crystal Empire the vague description of one of the inhabitants she had encountered on the other side.
After reassuring Applejack that she'd keep an eye on the human(quickly taking him down to her workspace-spike called it her dungeon. much to his amusement. Twilight didn't find it that funny- she had laid him on a cot near one of her scanning devices) Twilight had hit a dead end. Not much in the way for data accumulation when the subject is asleep, now is there? So she had done something she wasn't really proud of, but considered necessary. She looked through its pack.
It had an assortment of what she assumed were food bars(they had wrappings on them similar to what she had seen in the human world, but for some reason she couldn't read any of the lettering.), a couple long sleeved shirt things, a hoofball hat(the humans probably called it something else)a large plastic bottle filled with water and several other things she couldn't identify. She was about to give up on the main pouch and check the side pouches when her hoof brushed it.
It was a perfect cube. Each side was perfectly flat, and perfectly aligned with its counterparts. Twilight could feel a immense well of magical energy within the cube, so she had taken it out of the humans backpack. It was then that everything went horribly wrong.
<Species not recognized. Application rejected.>
It was a voice that echoed in her head without words, only she could still understand it. Knowing now that there was something hidden in the inner workings of this cube Twilight quickly lost sense of time, experimenting on it in every way she could imagine. To no avail. It didn't give off any energy or magic readings to any of her machines, although when she inspected it herself she could feel it had a massive amount within it. She couldn't push any magic into it, or draw any out of it. It resisted her all of her efforts to derive any effects out of it, save for one increasingly annoying sentence.
<Species not recognized. Application rejected.>
No matter what part of her body she pressed to it it was always the same, infuriating sentence.(she had even tried it with her tail. Didn't change anything.) It had finally gotten to the point she had tried to hurl it at the wall. Emphasis on the word 'try'. She had managed to hit the human square in the back of the head, causing him to roll around on the floor in pain, filling her little dragons ears with curse words that'd make even Sombra blush with shame. The human had then gotten up and chastised her on opening his backpack. She'd only been trying to help! Well, originally...before she got distracted. She then had ended up making the human her mothers famous triple whipped pancakes(well, famous within the family, at least) and the human ended up becoming sick from it. Twilight openly seethed at her foalishness, she should have known humans wouldn't react well to hay based products, she'd seen what they ate at the school, she should have known!
But after the human had returned from the bathroom ( take the right door from the kitchen, go left down the hall, take the door on the left, go down that hall and go in the door second to last on the right. what. this place was a maze, she had nearly gotten lost in it before she started memorizing the layout...) she had come across some extraordinary information. The cube was a relic that enabled the user to shift between forms! She had immediately demanded a demonstration (requested, she'd have claimed) and got a shock of her life. The human had transformed into a picture perfect copy of her! He had seemingly melted, his body twisted and melted till it had mimicked her own form. It was truly a disgusting spectacle, and she had almost gagged herself with her breakfast. But in the end, another Twilight stood in the middle of her dining room, calmly watching as she inspected herself.
It was almost perfect. The mane, the tail, the exact shade of her fur, they were all spot on. But her mirror image didn't have her cutie mark. Definitely something to look into later on. Then the human said something that Twilight wanted to kick herself for overlooking.
"Why are you taller than me?"
A simple statement that sent Twilights mind into overdrive. The copy form was indeed smaller than herself, but so familiar to her that she had overlooked such a difference. The horn was slightly shorter now that she looked closer, and she obviously(er...he? it was hard to think of this form as masculine so close it was to her own) was wingless. It was a perfect copy of her allright. A perfect copy of her before she became an Alicorn. The possibilities this could entail, the experiments she would have to undertake! Her mind was awash with such thoughts until one certain mare brought her mind crashing back into the present.
"Look out Twilight its a changeling!"
With a rush of air, Twilight found the space in front of her empty. Looking off to her right however she saw an alarming sight. Rainbow Dash had tackled the human(still wearing her body) and slammed it into the floor, knocking it unconscious. She stood ontop of him, with a foreleg cranked behind him in a method which Twilight found hard to even look at.
"Never Fear, your friendly neigh-borhood Rainbow Dash is here!"her friend declared, perched on the human like she had just taken down a mythical beast. "No, no need to thank me, I simply help where I can." she said with a smile, suddenly clamming up as she saw the frown stamped across her friends face. "What? I stopped the changeling before it could hurt you, Spike or the hoo-men you got holed up in here, so whats the problem?" Rainbow asked, confused at her friends displeasure. Her confusion only deepened at her bookish friends next words.
"You're sitting ontop of the 'hoo-men', Rainbow Dash." Twilight stated plainly.
Rainbow looked back at the crumpled form beneath her, then back to Twilight. "Doesn't look anything like how you said it did." she said in a dry tone.
"It...HE was demonstrating his abilities when you decided to come and render him unconscious. Now look at him!" She waved a hoof towards 'him', whom Rainbow at this point had wisely gotten off of. 'His' tongue lolled out, and his eyes were closed as a light snore escaped his lips.
"So...its not a changeling?"
"No."
"Can we say I didn't do this?"
"No."
"Oh come on, I was only trying to protect you guys, it wasn't like I tried to knock him back out..."
"Doesn't matter," Twilight sighed, "I now have to go get medicine for him, and I'm not carrying him."
"What?" Rainbows eyes bugged out at what Twilight was insinuating. She was being drafted as a workhorse? But she had been planning on the perfect nap after going and seeing Twilight! This wasn't fair! "You...you can just leave him here! Yeah!" she reasoned, its not like he'd just walk off or anything, right?"
"Right, I'm just going to leave a scared individual who prior to arriving in town was attacked by Big Mac, and then was attacked by a timberwolf, and then, in what SHOULD have been the safety of a civilized household attacked AGAIN , in an unfamiliar environment without anyone to talk to should he actually wake up. Come on, you were probably just going to nap the day away again."
Rainbow Dash wrinkled her muzzle a bit at this, it was what she was planning to do, but Twilight didn't have to make it sound like it was a waste of time. Naps were essential to her, seeing as she spent a vast amount of time doing advanced air stunts. If she was ever going to be good enough to join the wonderbolts, she'd have to be one of the best. And being the best took practice. And practice took plenty of naps. Twilight placed the hoo-men on her back, and she tried not to buckle at the weight. "Geeze Twilight, whatcha been eating?" she asked in a joking manner.
"Thats...its not me, its him." She stated, her purple covered cheeks shining through with unrestrained red. It was good to know she could still get her on some things. Ever since she had become a princess, she had become more and more impossible to prank.
"So where we going?" Rainbow Dash asked, adjusting her load as they walked down the street. They managed to draw quite a few looks from passing ponies, and even Mayor Mare worriedly came up to ask of Twilight before she assured her that 'It wasn't a changeling'.
"Well, from what Applejack said, it was heading towards Fluttershys before it tried to lose them in the Everfree Forest. I'd like to ask her if she knows anything about this, then we can go over to Zecora's and see if she knows anything. At the very least, we can see if we can't get any medicine from her, and then we'll head back to the-"Twilight sighed, screwing up her face and massaging her brow at her distaste of her friends chosen moniker for her new castle. "Friendship Castle. Again, I was wondering if I could change that. I'm still partial to Calico Castle, why can't I call it that?"
"Cause then it sounds like the 'Olde Cat Lady Castle', it just sounds so lame!" Rainbow retorted.
They continued on like this for a time, till finally they arrived at Fluttershys cottage. She was hesitant to open the door at first, until she realized the 'changeling' was simply a 'hoo-men' and wasn't even awake. When she learned Rainbow Dash had inadvertently hurt it, she had all but thrown open her door scattering wild birds and mammals alike while she pleaded with Twilight and Rainbow to "bring it inside, oh please hurry!" After laying Twilights double on her living room couch(and displacing Angel bunny to his immense displeasure) Fluttershy quickly took stock of his/her body, finally coming to the conclusion that she/he only had a small bump on her chin. Apparently Rainbow Dash had simply knocked her/him out, causing no further damages.
"What about the back of his head?" Twilight asked, pointing at the back of the unicorn Twilights head. "He uh...injured himself earlier." she stated, looking at the ground and blushing.
"I didn't see anything wrong, The only wound I could find was on her...uhm...his chin." She stated, confusing Twilight greatly.
So the 'morph' could heal any damage? Not only something as grievous as an amputation but as small as a bump and a bruise? If only she could have gotten the cube to work before the 'hoo-men' had waken up and taken his property back...Come to think of it, she hadn't even asked him his name. In her defense he hadn't seen fit to give it.
It was during her musing that the 'hoo-men' woke up.
I woke up to a dull pain in my chin. It all came rushing back to me in a flash, and I hurriedly tried to throw myself out of the way... only to pathetically roll my side into the back of the couch I was laying on. A couch, that was in the middle of some sort of...small house. The roof was thatched wood and hay above me, and I could see animals all over the place. Out the window, I swear I even saw a seal. Like an 'ork ork' type seal. I was still in the form of Twilight, well her slightly diminished form at least. I was on my back, with a blanket draped over me. A little rabbit was...glaring at me threateningly. He hopped up on the couch since he saw I was awake, and started kicking me in the face with his stubby little paws. It managed to gain a yelp of surprise from me as I fell off the couch.
"Oh I am so sorry!" Came a worried voice from the...kitchen area. Looking over, I saw the Purple menace standing in the kitchen area with the Rainbow Blur and-...oh hey, it was Fluttershy. She looked exactly like the character my sister had continuously showed me, trying to persuade to buy her a one at the convention. At the thought, my gut managed to die a little. I wonder if she was worried about me, if my friend had found out I was missing, if the police were out looking for me...the thought of that last one managed to make me smile.
"Angel bunny, that wasn't very nice..." Angel? More like Demon. The little menace had the gall to stick his tongue out at me from the lip of the couch. Fluttershy flew over and swept him up in her little...stubby leg arms. She took him outside, telling to go 'play'. I turned towards Twilight and asked her a question pressing to the front of my mind.
"Didjoo see the freight train that hit me?" Twilight had an unamused look on her face, but the Rainbow Blur suddenly looked at the wall, suddenly very interested in the random stuff Fluttershy had hanging on it.
"That was Rainbow Dash, the pegasus standing beside me." She gestured towards the Rainbow Blur.
"Look, I'm reeeeally sorry bout that, thought you were a changeling, but really, can you blame me?" She gestured towards me, and I was now aware I was still copying Twilights form.
"Really. I don't much care. Just please, don't let it happen again." I closed my eyes, and felt myself start to morph. I kept my original form at the forefront of my mind, and soon enough I was back to my old self. Opening my eyes, I saw Blur looking at me with a look of both disgust and wonder. I doubled over, not in pain, but...tired. Tired I guess is the right word. I felt like I just did five hundred jumping jacks in a row. It spread throughout my body, but wasn't enough to completely lay me low.
"So that's what 'hoo-mens' look like? Weird. I thought it'd have more color." They knew about humans? Well that was new. Not totally unexpected though, magic ponies leave little in the way of reason in my mind. Blur brushed past Twilight, and went out the front door. Said she needed to 'stretch her wings after being groundbound for so long'.
"Shoulda seen me this morning." Purple menace lost a little bit of color at this, perhaps they weren't as welcoming towards this sense of humor.
"Oh...my." Fluttershy stood in the doorway, looking me over like I was some new creature she had never seen before. Thinking about it, she probably hadn't. "You're really...tall." She was really short, now that I thought about it. All the ponies were. Barely half my meager height of 5''9.
I heard a fluttering above me, and watched as a bat dropped from the rafters and attached itself to my shirt sleeve. I panicked, and thrust my arm as far as I could away from myself.
"Oh, please don't panic, this is just Ferdanando, he's harmless, I swear." she tried to placate me, and I finally settled down. Looking from the bat to Fluttershy, I got a crazy idea in my head. One that most likely wouldn't work. They never tried it in the books,but they never said it couldn't be done. This wasn't that different from a standard hybrid match, except that I wanted to try two different species. In a world of magical ponies, why wouldn't this work?
"Would...you mind if I tried something?" I asked, raising my hand towards Fluttershy. She looked at it as if it was a poisonous viper about to kill her.
"Its all right Fluttershy, its just his 'morph' thing." Twilight tried to reassure her. I think she just wanted to see me morph again. Friggin scientist.
"Oh...all right..." she muttered meekly. I raised my hand towards her again, and for her credit she didn't flinch away from it this time. I touched one hand to her forehead(the arm the bat was hanging from) and my free hand to the bat. Ferdinando. Or whatever she had called it. I began the acquiring process, and Fluttershy got a far off look in her eyes. Ferdinando however, looked at me with confusion in his eyes, tracking back and forth between and Fluttershy. Guess he was the rare subject that wasn't affected by the lethargy. Or maybe it simply hadn't worked.
I finished, and removed my hands. Twilight had this entire time been writing away on a pad of paper she had pulled from somewhere. Blur was still outside, screaming in delight from some sort of flying she was doing out of eyeshot. Fluttershy eventually looked up to me with questioning eyes, as if to ask what it was I had done. I wanted to test it out, so I guess I would show her soon enough.
With a nod towards Purple(she had her quill hovering above the pad, a look of manic excitement in her eyes. Friggin scientists.) I started the morph. Standard affair. Flesh melted and twisted. Hair and fur grew at an alarming rate. One thing new, however. I felt my sides break as muscles and bone formed, and felt as wings burst forth and formed. By the end, I stood there, half my height and very very fuzzy.
"Omygosh, was that a hybrid morph? You look exactly like when-" Twilight almost managed to finish her train of thought. Almost.
"LOOK OUT TWILIGHT FLUTTERBATS BACK BLAST HER WITH THE MAGICS!"
Rainbow dumbass flew into me, pinning me to the floor once again.
Twilight made the Rainbow dumbass apologize, which she did with as little effort as she could muster.
"Yeah. Sorry. My bad." I think she was just pissed that she had not only made a mistake, but the SAME mistake, more than once in the same day. She definitely struck me as one of those 'I'm perfect now praise me for my awesomeness' types.
Fluttershy also apologized, as profusely as she could. Just an endless stream of 'sorrys' and 'are you all right'. This place was starting to get to me. Why the heck was everything so violent one second, then so dang apologetic the next? It didn't make sense to me. Not to say I didn't appreciate it. And the candy that she gave me from a bowl she had on her countertop. Seriously, these horses acted to much like humans it was scary.
Once all the hubbub had died down, Dumbass left saying "Well if you don't need me anymore, I have important stuff to get back to. Like, crucial to my becoming a wonderbolt stuff." Purple had tried to make her stay, but apparently the only reason she had come along is because she knocked me out and felt guilty. Now that I was awake to walk around on my own, she felt she didn't have to stay. Maybe if she left I could keep my face as far from the ground as possible for the entire day.
Fluttershy left me and Purple alone in her house to go calm down her animals(apparently I wasn't the only one upset with dumbasses stunt) and I was suddenly witness to a very...weird event. Purple had gone through three notepads of paper(she had them neatly stacked to her side) and was unresponsive to any of my attempts to communicate with her as she scrabbled furiously away with her quill. So, at a lack for anything to do, I went outside. Wherever outside "here" was. That's the problem with travel when you're sleeping. The feeling of confusion as you realize you went to sleep in one place, and woke up in another.
From the outside, Fluttershys house was...rather pathetic. It had a homy vibe to it, but it looked like it was about to fall in on itself. I honestly felt a little bad for her, having to take care of so many critters and living in what a third world citizen would consider a hovel. Speaking of critters, Fluttershy's get seemed extremely interested in me. Looking back between me and the real Fluttershy( who at this point was trying to comfort a group of...bluebirds.and greenbirds. and redbirds.) every animal I looked at had a look of confusion on its face.
"Real Fluttershy," I said, (more out of curiosity of the level of intelligence these animals had than anything. The ponies spoke, so why wouldn't the little varmints understand? Maaagic.) watching with interest as each and every pair of eyes followed my hoof to point at Fluttershy.
"Fake Fluttershy." I stated, tapping a hoof in the center of my chest. Each and every single dang animal there nodded once (IN FREAKY UNISON.), and returned to whatever the heck they had been doing, effectively ignoring me. Hyper intelligent animals. Why not.
Looking around, I saw I was actually in a semi-familiar spot. This was the house thing at the end of the road I had been traveling two days ago(if what Spike had said to Purple about being 'at it for two days' was anything to go on.), and farther on down the road was where I had turned off and headed into the 'I want to kill you' forest. Lord knows I'd be avoiding that place like the plague. It was then a thought wormed it's way into my head. I knew where I was, in relation to the farm. The farm was where I woke up, so that's where I wanted to go to try and see if I could find any answers to this whole crazy mess.
I would have just left, (and I sure as shit wasn't going to wait for Purple to snap out of her 'notes' frenzy) but I guess I felt a little...vulnerable. Just a little. I was in a place I'd never been, and constantly attacked to boot. I didn't want to just leave the only people that had been nice to me.
"Hey, Fluttershy." I called to Fluttershy, who at this point was consoling the seal I saw earlier(told you, I KNEW I saw it!).
"Um...yes?" she asked me timidly, trying to hide as much of herself as she could behind her wall of hair.(seriously, she was an animal caretaker, wouldn't such long hair only get really really caked in mud or other...things?)
"Imma head out to the farm, would you mind telling Purple Smart when she breaks out of her notes...whatever it is she's doing?"
She looked back at her house, where we could see Purple still scribbling away, through a window, presumably on another notebook by now. She looked back at me, and gave me a heart stopping gaze of cuteness. Such large eyes, how and WHY would such a character trait survive in a species??! "Um...are you sure you're all right? I could go with you...if you wanted..." Dear god she was laying it on, if this is what she acted like all the time no wonder my sister was so enamored with her.
"Yes! Fine!" I belted out, tearing her eyes from my view with a quick pivot(not easy to do with four limbs. I can only assume that if I tried to do it under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be able to.) "I mean...yes, I'm fine, I don't need a babysitter, I can get by fine on my own" I huffed as I walked away. I didn't hear her following me, so I can only assume she decided to stay behind. Thank god.
The trip back to the farm was mostly uneventful. Save for one small orange horse with wings (pegasus? that's what they're called?) pointing at my butt, gasping and then buzzing her wings to make her zip away on her scooter. Yes, scooter. A device made for a being with two legs was present here in the world of horses. At this point, I wasn't that surprised.
As I came down the road, eventually I found myself surrounded by the scent of apple trees, and soon enough the familiar sight of the barn filled my sight. That annoyingly red barn. I walked around to the side, placing myself exactly as I had been when I came to this stupid world. Well, slightly lower, but you get my point. There was...nothing here. It was just a normal, wooden wall. I placed a hoof on it, and scraped it up and down a couple times. Felt like wood(yeah, I know, I could feel THROUGH my hooves and sense texture. It was weird.)I couldn't feel or sense ANYTHING out of the ordinary. Well, that wasn't exactly true. There was ONE sense that was picking something up, but not anything to do with...this.
One thing I forgot to mention. This morph felt...almost exactly like the morph of Purple or the wonder twins. Save for one wholly different feature. My hearing was AMAZING. I could pick out the sounds of random squirrels in the trees, I could hear voices of the people in town(As I was skirting it, I couldn't hear them now.) Point is, my hearing was now above and beyond anything I had ever had before. Which is why I could hear someone trying to sneak up on me. Poorly.
I turned and caught the bugger red hoofed. Seriously, it was the male part of the wonder twins from when I first got here. He was here before, I guess it wasn't all that surprising he'd be here again. Maybe he even lived here. I dunno. He got wide eyed when he noticed that I saw him, blushing with such intensity that I could see it even through his red tinged hair. He scuffed at the ground, and I realized an uncomfortable thing. He was apparently taken with Fluttershy. Embarrassingly so. That was all good and well for him, but If I didn't do something to dissuade him from the mindset that I was Fluttershy, this could get mondo levels of uncomfortable suuuuper quick.
"I'm not Fluttershy." I stated plainly. He apparently didn't get it, tilting his head like a confused dog. Looks like I would have to get even more blunt.
"I'm the guy, you had tied up in your barn?" There. No way he wouldn't get it past that poin-
"Braeburn?" He asked.
Wait...why would he be tying other-NOPE NOPE NOOOOOOP. ABORT! ABORT! ALL PASSENGERS ARE TO THROW THEMSELVES OUT THE NEAREST WINDOW, WE ARE DERAILING THIS TRAIN OF THOUGHT! CHOO CHOO, ALL STOP FOR NEVER THINKING ABOUT THIS EVER AGAIN!!!
"No. Two legs. Backpack. Turned into a mix of you and your sister?" Okay, crisis averted. The spark of understanding finally filtered through his head. He then blushed an even darker shade of red(seriously, I was almost worried about his blood pressure or something) and turned away. He mumbled some sort of apology and shuffled away, never looking at me. Hopefully I didn't break the big guy.
I turned my attention back to the barn wall. I'd worry about his mental state later. I searched the wall, but I couldn't find what I was searching for. No...sparks of magic, no clearly labeled map of "you are here" with directions back to the food court. Not even the ever optimistic giant friggin door. I couldn't find a dang thing. Apparently my new super hearing only functions on the outside world when I'm actually paying attention to it, cause at that moment Purple menace startled the bejesus out of me.
"Find out anything interesting?" she parroted, copying my comment from earlier. She was sitting right next to me, a giant grin on her face. How the hell did I not notice her sneak up on me?
"Besides the fact that Big Red fancies Fluttershy and some dude named 'Braeburn', I got bupkiss." I said, noting with satisfaction as her face was overtaken by the dreaded evil known only as...the blush. Seriously, I didn't even know horses COULD blush, now I find a whole damned town of the emotional buggers.
"Soooo," Purple started, "The barn...Applejack said this is where Applebloom first saw you...what were you doing here, If I may ask?" Friggin scientist had another pad out, hovering it off to the side(maybe she was hoping I didn't see it)
"This is where I woke up. I was somewhere else, and then all of a sudden, I was standing here, staring at this stupid barn." I told her how 'I' personally didn't find anything out of the ordinary, so she set her pad and quill down and lit up her horn. She dragged the light from her horn all around the wall, me, and the surrounding area.
"Well...I'm sorry," she said with a frown "But I can't find anything out of the ordinary. No pockets of energy, no wrinkles, no reason for why you might be here."
Why is it that a persons entire world can come crashing down on two simple words? She said them with sadness in her voice, and I knew I wasn't getting home any time soon. Or at all.
Two words, spoken with earnest by the Purple menace at my side.
"Hey, don't look so glum. Just because I can't help you doesn't mean we're out of options." Purple Menace said. "We just have to do some digging, just because there wasn't any trace spellwork 'here' doesn't mean there isn't any altogether," she tried to reassure me. A second later she rapped the side of her head with a hoof, startling me out of my reverie. "Duh! I never even checked your pack! I mean, I 'checked' it, but that was more of a cursory search before I got...distracted. Perhaps there was something in your belongings somepony attached a teleportation spell to?" It was a better plan than simply moping around, I guess.
"Sounds better than my plan." I muttered. I would have probably said something witty, but a certain cowpony came round the bend to say 'hi'.
"Hey, Twilight, have you seen Big Mac? I need him tah take a cart to town fer repair....Fluttershy?" Ah, wonder twin number two, here to be just as confused.
"Noop." I said, twitching my ears to try to drive home my point. They were...sorta like pony ears. Aesthetically though, they were more similar to bat ears. Gee, I wonder why. Applejack gave me a once over, then turned to Twilight.
"Not Fluttershy?"
"Uh-huh."
"Not Flutterbat?"
"Uh-huh."
"Human with the changeling powers?"
"Yes to the individual, no to the changeling powers. Its nothing like changeling transformation spells, and he calls it morphing."
"Came to apologize?"
"I...don't know? Apologize for what?" This got my attention. The heck did I do? She and her brother were the ones that attacked me, last time I was here.
"That pony," she shook a hoof at me and I could swear I heard venom dripping from her words. More of a 'gonna tan your hide' vibe than a 'gonna kill you dead' vibe though. "Broke the back wall in the barn, scared the cows in the west field to pieces, and sliced one 'o mah ropes tah shreds!" Oh. I guess that's what the heck I did. In my defense, I thought I was about to get cooked up in a soup or something by crazy hillbillies.
"In my defense-" I started.
"Ah don't want none 'o yer excuses missy-"
"-mister." I interrupted, gaining a scalding look. Seriously, the heck did I do to piss her off so much.
"...Missy,"she continued, apparently trying to get a rise out of me. "Ah just want yer word ain't none 'o this gonna happen again. And then ah want yall tah make it up by fixin' the wall, and payin' fer the rope ya done destroyed." She said with a satisfied nod.
H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-heeeeeeellllllllllllll no.
"I'm sorry, but no." I wasn't going to take this. I may not be a saint, but I don't deserve this kinda shit. Applejack's face was filled with surprise that quickly turned to anger.
"You busted a hole in mah barn!"
"Your brother attacked me, and then tied me up." I said, trying to keep my voice as level as possible.
"You destroyed mah rope!"
"See my previous retort."
"That don' cut it! You gotta pay fer what yall wrecked!" By now, she was red in the face. And not the 'cute blush' red. The ohmygawdgonnabustacapinyoass red.
"Pay? I can pay? Oh gee, would you rather I payed in dirt clods or pocket lint? Cause I got tons of both of those!" I yelled the last part, and I will admit something at this point. Fluttershy's voice is adorable. Fluttershy yelling, is terrifying. Apparently both Purple and Appleprick weren't used to that, if the cowed looks they both wore were any indication. Purple managed to push through her trepidation though.
"Girls! Shouting at each other wont get anything done. How about we settle this over lunch?" I will admit, I stared openly at Purple menace. She seemed rather...calm overall? To see her flustered was...something new.
"Fine." I muttered, gaining me a look from Appleprick.
Where the hay did she get the nerve? She...HE trespassed on the farm, uninvited, and then caused damage to the property! Not to mention spooking her sis and the cows to bits. Mooriella said over half the herd was still too unsettled to even produce any milk! And then...AND THEN there was the matter of the slimy bellied snake ruining her favorite lasso. He cut it to pieces! And now she didn't even have the decency to clean up her...HIS own blooming mess!
Applejack shook her head, trying to clear it of her angry thoughts. Twilight had led them to a deli in town, and the three had sat down at one of the outside tables. Flutter-no, HE had seemed confused at the menu, even confessing he couldn't read it. Applejack had gotten a self-satisfied internal smirk at that. Even with how 'small-town' and 'backwards' most ponies thought her and her family (Rarity and all her uppity canterlot lot), even they weren't illiterate. He eventually settled on a Caesmare salad(having had Twilight read the selections off to him) and an iced tea. Applejack had gotten a triple lily wrap, and Twilight settled for a simple daisy sandwich.
Twilight tried to get them to talk, so Applejack leapt back into her main point. "Yall gotta pay for what yall done."
"I ain't done shit." Flutterbat replied. Applejack flinched at the sight and sound of her usually demure friend not only cussing, but with her face twisted into a horrible grimace. It certainly was disquieting, to see her friends face used by another.
"Yall spooked the cows-"
"I never even so much as SAW any cows."
"Yall wrecked the back wall 'o the barn-"
"That wood was wrecked by termites to begin with, and I though I was about to be killed, so sue me."
"Why did you think you were about to be killed?" Twilight asked with worry filling her eyes and voice. Couldn't she see he was only trying to gain her support? Seriously, Twi' was a bright mare, but some times Applejack was sure she wouldn't even be able to tell it was wool what was pulled over her eyes.
"Oh, I dunno," Fluttershy's voice noted, sounding slightly bored. "Maybe it was because someone-"
"-pony" Applejack interjected, the least he could do is speak right, right?
"Some-ONE," Flutterbat frozily said. He was probably just trying to get a rise out of her. "-attacked me not a minute from my...from when I first got here. Then? When I woke up from your brother beating the shit out of me? I found myself tied to a post in a freaking barn. You know who does that where I'm from? Serial murderers and rapists." Flutterbats voice had dropped to a deadly pitch at this point, and Applejack could see a vein pulsing beneath the skin on her forehead. "So can you imagine how friggin scared I was at that point? So you can just take your sodding rope, your bloody wall, and shove that where the sun don't shine lady!"
Applejack sat there, stunned. Sure she hadn't put into account what he had been feeling at the moment, but that didn't mean he still didn't have to deal with what he had done. Applejack turned to Twilight to try and get her support, but stopped when she saw her face. She had a terrified expression, her eyes wide with horror.
"Serial? But but but...that means...you not only have murders where you're from...you have ponys that kill more than once?"
"You don't have murders here? Lucky." Flutterbat stated(Applejack realized referring to him in such a manner wasn't normal, but he hadn't really seen fit to give them his name.). Twilights eyes teared up, and she worked hard to suppress a sniffle.
"Thats...thats horrible. And you...actually want to go back there?" Hoo waitaminute. He couldn't leave without fixin' what he broke!
"Hold on there, ya can't jes leave!"
"I swear." He said in a low growl, massaging the sides of his head with his hooves. "If you bring that shit up one more time I'm gonna hit you as hard as I freaking can, right in the face."
And now he openly threatened her? Well at least now she'd have Twilights support on this, no way she'd sit back and watch as she was openly threatened in such a fashion!
"There's no need for such language...uhhh.....Flutterbat."
Hah! Even Twilight called her that! Guess it weren't that much of a stretch.~ Wait, why is Twilight giving ME a disapproving look?
"But I do kinda have to side with him on this matter. He was in an unfamiliar location, and immediately attacked. If he really comes from a place where-" Twilight shivered as she tried to voice her concern. "where things like murderers are apparently common place?" She looked at Flutterbat, fishing for a response.
"They aren't uncommon, if that's what you're asking." He said as he sipped from his tea.
Twilight suppressed another shiver, continuing. "Then his response upon being rendered unconscious and tied up is rather lax. In my opinion. He cut the rope he was tied up with, so obviously he had access to some sort of weapon. If he had wanted to retaliate, he very easily could have. Instead, he apparently just decided to run. One thing I don't understand though..." she took a long sip from her lemonade, "From what Applejack told me, after they caught back up to you, you did a morph? Past that point, you had a sort of lackadaisical....attitude. What changed from being scared for your life to prancing around Ponyville without a care in the world?"
"Well...um." Hah, he looked like he was tryin' to spit out a frog. "Where I'm from, we have ponies...but they aren't...intelligent? Sentient? They can't talk, they only live out in the wild, in herds. My species is the only developed one." Well there was a laugh. Ponies not able to talk? That was a long lark.
"Are they sapient?"
"What?"
"Do they have the ability to think and act using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense, and insight, with good intentions?" Twilight rattled off. Flutterbat's face looked like she just tried to explain magix quasar mechanics to him. Applejack remembered how when she had explained to her on the train, she had fallen asleep. Gotten an earful, too. Applejack grinned to herself, knowing his next response was probably going to be 'what?' or 'huh?'.
"Um, no. They only have herd instinct, as far as I know. They graze, they move from place to place, and they make little babies to continue the cycle. They're just animals."
"Oh." Twilight looked down at the table. "I'm sorry, I kinda interrupted your explanation for your mood switch. If you'd please continue?"
"Uh..yeah. Anyway, I thought some crazed hillbilly had tied me up in a barn somewhere, but when I saw you and your brother..." He trailed off, mimicking Fluttershys habit of hiding his face behind his mane. It might have been endearing, if Applejack wasn't still cross with him. "Well I...thought I was dreaming. Okay? Never actually seen a talking horse before, you know?"
"Your food, madams?" Said the waiter as he placed their meals on the table.
"Your food, madams?" The prissy dressed waiter asked in his french accent. How the hell do ponies have french accents? Whatever. He had brought our food, and by god my stomach was shouting at me to put something in it. I would excuse his lumping me in with the 'madams' just for that small grace. Twilight dug into her sandwich, levitating it with her freaky unicorn magic. Appleprick just lowered her surly face and bit into her wrap. They didn't provide me with a fork, so I just copied Appleprick.
Salad. Yummy.
Now I don't have anything against veggies. I freaking love broccoli. Pretty much anything but cooked spinach is fair game. Caesar salad is always good.(even with this worlds punned up version of the name) I guess I just kinda wanted...something like a pizza or something. The salad was good, but it was kinda bland. Oh, my kingdom, my horse for a savory meal.
"How the hey could yall think you was dreamin'?" Oh great, Applepricks trying to convince me I'm in the wrong again? joy.
"Again, you seemed like you were impossible. Like something I'd only be able to see while dreaming."
"So between then and now," Twilight started, wiping her mouth with a napkin(seriously? she eats fast.) "Whats happened to make you think this isn't a dream? If you have, that is."
"Uh...I think it was around the time that thing in the forest tore off my leg." I managed to get a queasy look out of both of them. "Pain doesn't happen in dreams right? That pretty much convinced me." I reasoned.
"Speaking of, I can't help but notice how you DON'T look like you're missing a limb..." she trailed off, and I could tell what the unasked question was.
"Morphing, as far as I know, " I muttered around a mouthful of greens. "uses the blood to make the form. Injuries aren't written on someones DNA, so they don't keep. Of course, that doesn't really track with hair and the like..." I batted a long lock of pink hair away from my eyes, "length and so on shouldn't be a factor either. All things considered, I should be bald."
Appleprick let out a snort, "Can yall say that again? When mah friend Rarity is around?" Ah yes, Rarity. The element of Generosity, and the only person who in my opinion shouldn't have her element out of the shows main six. She was a SHOPKEEPER. it was her JOB to be GREEDY. THATS THE POINT OF A SHOPKEEPER. To sell stuff. For MONEY. To continuously get MORE MONEY.
"Going to drop the wall and the rope?"
Her face immediately took a disgruntled tone again. "Yall fergot bout the cows, and no." Stubborn nag.
You know what? She wasn't going to drop this. She was going to continue to annoy me till I snapped. I don't like backing down, but I'd rather get this shit out of the way as opposed to having to deal with 'crazy mare'. I couldn't pay her for the rope, and I have no idea what the hell I was supposed to do about friggin cows. I only broke two boards though. Hammer, few nails, a couple new boards, and I'd have this whole mess behind me.
"Fine, you know what, here's the deal. Since I don't want to have to deal with your bullshit any longer than I have to," both of them seemed a little startled at my language,"I'll fix your damn wall. YOU will pay for the supplies and tools to fix said wall. Nails, and boards. I assume you have a hammer already, otherwise you will buy one of those too for me to use. I don't have any money to buy a new rope, and I have no idea what you expect me to do about your cows. We got a deal?"
She looked down at the table, and I could tell she was thinking about my offer. "You'll go an' talk to the cows, make 'em realize yer nothin' scary so they'll all calm down." Wait, were the cows people too? The hell were they doing in a field then? Were they slaves? Shit that's weird. "Then, yer gonna fix the hole in the barn. I'll supply yall with the tools and stuff, and then you'll paint the barn so it matches."
Hell no.
"Then yer gonna work off yer debt, got it?"
"Ahem. Yes to the cows, yes to the fixing, hell no to the painting and the additional work."There, my position was easily cemented.
"Fine, no painting, but you destroyed a top quality rope, you NEED to pay me back fer that. And iffin ya don't have any money, then yall gotta work it off, got it?" Sonova...fine. If it would get her bitching off of my back...
"Fine." I muttered through a mouthful of salad.
"Good, ah'll see yall tomorrow, back on the farm bright an' early." She said with a smile on her face.
Appleprick had by this point finished her food, so she gave Twilight her best goodbyes. She left and soon afterward Twilight and I were heading back to her crystal mansion, to look through my belongings. And If I was able to just up and leave before tomorrow, all the better.
Apparently it isn't a crystal mansion. Its an honest to god crystal CASTLE. When I jokingly asked if she was secretly the princess of crystal, she bashfully replied "No, Princess of Friendship." Apparently there is also a princess of a Crystal Empire. Some lady named My Love Cadence.
"My Love Cadence?"
"Well, that's the direct translation, but the official title is still My Love Cadence." Wait, she just said the same thing twice.
"So, it IS My Love Cadence?"
"No, It's My Love Cadence!" Okay, this was getting ridiculous. Purple was starting to get on my nerves.
"Twilight, you JUST said My Love Cadence."
"No I didn't, I said My Love Cadence!"
"Twilight, I SWEAR I'm not messing with you. You have only said one thing so far. My love Cadence. That's it." Maybe she was the one messing with me. I didn't really know her all that well. She might just be having a joke at my expense.
Twilight stopped at her front door, (massive thing that it was. Seriously, this world had a bad habit of having large, annoyingly opulent stuff.) and stared at me with the confused look of a cat that couldn't get to the string.
"I watch the banjo go down the stream." She said.
"I...what?" Okay, if she was just going to start saying random stuff, should I join in too?
"Did you understand what I just said?" She asked.
"Something about you watching a banjo going down a stream?" At this, her eyes narrowed and then she decided to rattle off a looooong sentence of mumbo jumbo.
"Have you seen where I left my blender? I think it ran away with my nieghbors cat. I ate some leaves and got a rash. Take the lawn, it doesn't flip on Tuesdays." She then repeated this five more times, and I was starting to get worried.
And that's when I noticed something peculiar. Her lips didn't match with what she was saying. It was like watching a ventriloquist. Her lips flapped, but the words did anything but follow their movements. "Hey...how are you doing that?" I asked.
"Doing what? Speaking foreign languages? Well it took a long time, a lot of study, I have to keep practicing it all every once in a while..."
"Wait, what? You aren't speaking anything but English. I meant what you're doing with your mouth. Are you a ventriloquist?" What was she talking about, foreign languages? If this was a prank, it was a well thought out one.
"I'm not speaking...'english'. I'm speaking Equish. Now I'm speaking French. Now I'm speaking Spanish. Now, I'm speaking a rare, almost completely dead dialect of Latin." She seemed completely sure of herself, and it wasn't just her words. She held her self with an air of confidence, relaxed yet stable. Maybe she wasn't messing with me? It all sounded the same to me.
"All of that? That was all English. Every single word. Can you do something for me? Just say, 'potato'. Just the word, if you please."
She looked a bit puzzled, but complied. "Potato."
Her lips never even attempted to make the shape required to make a 'p' sound. Her lips opened, and it looked more like she was letting out a fluttery sigh.
"oooookay... now watch my lips. Potato."
Her eyes lit up with wonder, and she moved uncomfortably close. "How are you doing that?"
"Is there an echo somewhere around here?" I mocked. She was watching my lips with great interest. Kinda freaking me out, honestly.
"So, right now you're speaking Equish?"
"No, I'm speaking English. Its the ONLY language I know."I tried learning Spanish one semester, flunked out of the class.
She drew back and got a far off look in her eyes. She started muttering to herself, then got a frenzied look of excitement in her eyes.
This was incredible. The human had some sort of multilingual translation spell attached to him! She had tested his reactions, and the results were exemplary! Every word he said were immediately translated into Equish, and vice versa! She couldn't understand how it worked, but the important factor was that it DID work! She would run some tests, and see if she could unravel its secrets! Even the most advanced(the known ones, at least) translation spells only worked for the user. And at that they only let the user understand the language spoken, AFTER it was spoken! To have an instantaneous translation spell, it would make it so much easier for foreign dignitaries.
Twilight let out an audible 'squee', and practically dragged the transformed human inside. Through the halls, down the stairs, she all but strapped the human to one of her 'testing tables'.
"Uhhhh, what are we doing on the bed big brother?" He asked with a nervous smile. "pomf?"
"What? Are you making a reference to something? Because if you are I didn't get it. What I'm doing however, is getting ready to run diagnostics on the translation spell you have attached to you!" Why did he look so worried? Didn't he realize how exciting all this was? A few days of testing and they might be able to make some headway on this!
"I thought we were going to look through my stuff and see if there was a teleportation spell or something?" Oh, drat. She completely forgot about that. Drat drat drat! She wanted to work on the translation spell now, not the teleportation one! AAAARGH. Fine, she'd focus on helping the human figure out how he got here. As soon as that was finished, TRANSLATION SPELL DECRYPTION!
Crazy mare had dragged me down to the room I had woken up in. She levitated me atop a medical gourny, and I began to get worried. I asked her what we were doing, and apparently she thought the 'mystery' of the translation thing was the bees knees. I reminded her about the whole 'figuring out how I got here' thing, and all of her excitement evaporated like vapor. Good to know she held my safety in the highest regard. At least we were in the same room as my stuff. I shimmied myself off of the table, and walked over to my bag. I reached out a hoof and stopped. The morph was fun, and I'd be able to give my sister a heart attack with this once I got back. But right now, I'd rather have fingers. I like fingers. So I started to morph back.
Once I was back to my full height, I was struck by one of the worst feelings ever. Last time I felt like this was the first, and only time I was able to run the mile in under 7 minutes back in highschool. My muscles ached, and my stomach was trying to kill itself. A deep sense of weariness permeated my being. So I did what I did back when I ran the mile all those years ago. I collapsed on the ground, and puked all over myself. My poor, poor stomach. What was so wrong with being able to hold onto my lunch? Why?
"Whats wrong?!!? Are you all right?!?"
"Gimmie back Twilight ya stupid floor," I slurred out. I wasn't exactly feeling top of my game.
"I...is that a yes?" She asked, trying to get closer to check on me without putting herself any closer to the puddle of yuck I had produced.
"I'm...not feeling too good. To be honest, I feel like shit right now." I still didn't feel up to prying myself off the floor(seriously? even without the Rainbow Dumbass around...) so I just lay there. At least the floor was clean. Twilight was freaking out, levitating several books while she -as far as I could tell- tried to figure out what was wrong with me. "Twilight, I'm fine, really." she stopped whatever the hell it was she had been doing (she had at that point been pouring a brown colored liquid into a flask with a pinkish liquid) "I'm just...tired. really really tired. Imma lay here, k?"
"Well, okay...as long as you say you're okay...Mind if I get started without you?" I really didn't feel like getting up any time soon, so whatever.
I heard her rummaging through my bag, lifting stuff out and examining it with her 'tinkly' sounding magic. And then a sound cut through my tortured rest. The sharp sound of a zipper dragging itself open. Silence reigned for a few seconds and then came a question I had been wishing would never had been asked.
"What is this?" She trotted over to where I still lay, and floated something into my line of sight.
"Thatz a prezent fer my sister. Please dont get it in the puke."
"No, seriously, what is this? Why do you have a stuffed doll of Fluttershy?"
"Flutterbat." I clarified, managing to point a finger towards the ceiling to accentuate my point.
"That's beside the point! Why do you have a doll of my friend? I can see the keychain, Rainbow Dash's ego alone could spread her merchandise across the whole of Equestria and beyond. But this..." she trailed off, and she levitated the plushy out of my sight. I think she put it on the table with my backpack.
Okay, time to go into full bullshit mode. I didn't really have a clue how to explain this, but maybe if I made up something that sounded plausible... Hey, I'd watched enough sci-fi to be able to make up something...
"I won't lie, I'm not completely sure on the details. What do you know of multiverse theory?"
She was silent for a few seconds, then replied. "That's the theory that there is an infinite number of parallel worlds sitting alongside this one, which only differ in slight variations, correct?" Okay, so maybe this wasn't going to be as hard to pull off as I thought it was.
"My world is a bleeder world. All worlds surrounding it...bleed into it. And it bleeds into them as well. Ideas, thoughts, visions and the like. Follow me so far?" How was that? I thought it sounded pretty good.
"Interesting... a world with a weaker dimensional veil would result in certain things crossing over..." ooooooookay....
"Your world, as far as I can figure, has bled through into mine as a fiction education series. One which my sister really likes. I was at a convention before I got here, which is where I bought the plushy." I badly suppressed a laugh, remembering my sisters face when I finally agreed to buy her a 'Fluttershy'. "My sister's favorite character is Fluttershy, my parents wouldn't let her go to the con with me so she asked me to get her that. The keychain was for buying over 30$ worth of stuff." I heard Twilight scrabbling on another pad. Friggin scientist.
"And thirty...dollars. Is that a lot?"
"Nine dollars an hour is minimum wage. The plushy was expensive, but its pretty well made. Worth the dosh to see my sister smile. That explain your question?"
The scrabbling stopped, and I could tell she was a bit disappointed I wasn't still in 'exposition mode'. Even if I had just pulled most of that out of my crack. "Yeah, okay. I guess that explains that. I've seen weirder things. Namely Pinkie Pie..." Crap, that actually worked. yaaaaaay no longer in trouble. I managed to push my self up, and wiped the puke off of my chin. Twilight had all my stuff strewn everywhere, and was poking at my Kindle.
"Find any...teleportation spells or whatnot?" Twilight placed my kindle down on my wrinkled shirts( you never know when it might become really really cold) and turned to address me.
"No...I haven't found anything so far. I...have to ask. And this may like a REALLY stupid question, seeing as we've gone through all this trouble already...but did you teleport directly after picking up the magic cube?"
Well don't I feel like a flipping idiot. In retrospect, it was pretty damn obvious. I picked up the Escafil Device, and suddenly I was here. How did I not pick up on this? Gah. It is as it is.
"...Yes." I managed to choke out from around the massive amounts of self loathing. "That would be correct. I picked it up, and I was here."
"And you didn't think to mention this before now?"
"Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me princess, not all of us are as smart as you." I complained.
"Well fine, no need to be such a baby about it. May I see the cube?"
"Yeah sure, it's right...uh..."It was in my pocket last time I checked, I put it in my pocket right before I morphed into Twilight...Maybe it fell out? "I think I left it up...in the kitchen?" Well if it wasn't up there I could panic afterwards. no sense in wasting a perfectly good panic.
"You should keep it on you after this." she said.
Oh gee, really? I'll keep that in mind.
We went upstairs, and I found the Escafil Device laying right there on the floor. Huh. I handed it over to Twilight, and she poked and prodded at it for almost half an hour before I got fed up and snapped at her.
"Anything? Anything at all? Kinda getting fed up just sitting here, nothing happening."
"Hold your racers...uhhh...well this is embarrassing...I never even asked your name, did I?"
Holy crap, she hadn't. None of them had. Half a day goes by, you'd think something as simple as a name would be dropped...
"My name is Wade. Wade Jallecks. Yeah, I know, its a weird name."
"Not really, Rainbow Dash has a friend over in Appleloosa named Wade Through. He's a tour guide, I think."
Well. That was certainly a new response. Its a nice feeling, not having my name ridiculed.
"So as I was saying," she continued, "I haven't found anything new. This stupid thing resists me no matter what I try."
"Try what?" asked the frightening appearance of the purple dragon. Dang lizard came out of nowhere!
"Spike! Where have you been?" Oh yeah. Spike. Spike, the magic draaagon.~
"Hey, you're the one that took off with Rainbow Dash." He said defensibly. "You just left me here, so I headed over to Raritys. She didn't really have anything for me to do, though." He looked a bit disappointed, but he perked back up at Twilights next sentence.
"Good timing Spike, you just reminded me of our never fail option!" With this, she made a quill and paper appear out of nowhere. She then pushed them into Spikes...hands? Claws? Whatever.
"Take a note, Spike." Oh god no it was playing out like the end of the episodes...they were going to send a letter to...uhhh. Celise? Terra? No, that doesn't sound right.
"Dear Princess Celestia." Celestia. That was her name. "Two days ago, a curious individual arrived at my doorstep. This individual was a human, and had been grievously wounded. At least, he had been wounded, before utilizing an ability he calls 'morphing'. This ability is very similar to a changelings transformation spell. This morphing ability allows him to recover from seemingly any wound as long as he shifts from one form to another." Dang, she was a smart little cookie. "He was unconscious upon his arrival, and to my utmost shame I found my self distracted by one of his belongings. For two whole days. He woke up today, and I learned that he was transported to this world against his will, and knowledge. He arrived right beside the main barn of Sweet Apple Acres, but sadly I was unable to find any traces of active or decaying magic in the surrounding area. Or on the human in question. Oh, and his name is Wade. Forgot to mention that. Anyway, I'm afraid I've run into a dead end, and I was hoping for some assistance from either you or Princess Luna. I apologize for my failure, and hope to rectify this in the future. I eagerly await your reply. Your faithful friend, Princess Twilight Sparkle." Twilight gave a self satisfied nod, then opened her eyes waved a hoof at spike.
"Wait, wait, don't roll it up yet, add in a p.s. " She composed herself, and continued. "P.S. Wade also seems to have a very advanced translation spell attached to him, one that makes even Written Word's Greater Understanding look like something a foal thought up on their first try. It translates in real time, and substitutes the audible variances for the subjects 'birth language'. From my preliminary tests, any language spoken to Wade is understood as 'English'. I have yet to decipher the spellwork, or test its range. Will keep you informed as to my progress."
Spike finished, and rolled the paper up and tied it with...something. He then breathed fire and burned the scroll to smoke. that smoke then flew out of a window in a tight ball. Just like in the show.
"So...now we just wait?"
"I guess so. It shouldn't take her too long, she's a quick reader and writer."
True to her word, less than a minute later, another puff of smoke flew in through the window, and magically became a rolled up scroll. Twilight grabbed it with her magic, and began to read.
Greetings, My dear friend Twilight. The content of your letter has both my sister and I intrigued, to say the least. While there have been many documented cases of interaction from beyond our understanding of the confines of this realm, written logs are oft to not a pale substitution for face to face interaction. If this arrangement is amiable to you and your guest, Luna and I would very much appreciate a chance to sit down and talk. If we were to inspect him ourselves, we might be able to find something that you may have missed. Not due to your own fault, but to the fluidity of the energy at play. Yes, I realize I accidentally insulted her, that's why I had that second part put in. No. No. I'm not redoing the letter, its fine as is. Its FINE Luna. Because I said so that's why! Because Penning Avista already wrote out almost an entire letter! No, we don't have to tell her to stop, she isn't just going to write down everything we're saying. She's new Luna, not scatterbrained. Avista? Start again from here, if you would? Okay. To clarify, we would both very much like to meet this Wade Tonight, if that is preferable to the both of you. Awaiting your response, Your good friend, Princess Celestia
Twilight stared at the note for several seconds as she had finished reading it out loud. Wade had burst out in laughter when she had gotten to the part where her teacher had miscalculated the over-zealousness of her new scribe, but had managed to to collect himself long enough for her to finish her reading. First impressions are everything, she thought forlornly. and my beloved teacher just ruined hers.
"So, that sound alright to you?" She asked Wade, who at this raised an eyebrow. What could he possibly be thinking? He had the opportunity to not only meet her teacher, but her sister as well! Was he excited? Was he anxious? Twilight could give him some pointers if he was! OOOOoooh!!! She could write up flash cards! Oh wait. He couldn't read Equish or Unicorne. Drat. Or she could have him write on them too! That would work!
"I guess...I mean, I don't have anything against that..." Yes yes yes!
Twilight conjured another sheaf of paper, and quickly imprinted a single word on it before thrusting it into Spikes claws. He looked at the single word, and gave her a cheeky grin. "Oh, just send it Spike, hurry up, we can't waste any time!" The sooner it got to the Princesses, the sooner they would come over, right? Twilight greatly missed the quality time her teacher used to impart upon her, but she'd never sacrifice what she had gained for her move to Ponyville. Any time she could monopolize her mentors time, would be a period which she heavily looked forward to.
"Time? I thought you said they wanted to come over tonight?" Wade asked. Well, that's when they said they WANTED to come over but that didn't mean they couldn't come over earlier...and stay later! Twilights musings were cut short, however, at the crass blast of air accompanying the arrival of her teachers reply.
"Well met!" Spike read off, holding the letter out in front of himself. "Mine sister and I shall arrive 'pon 5:30, we wish to converse over supper. We anticipate the exchange! Our sister now meets with a noble, and knows not when she will be free. If thee need be, please address thy next letter onto myself, and We shall oversee any concerns. Your friend, Princess Luna of the Moon and Stars." Spike held up the letter to Twilight, who took it in her magic. Re-reading it no less than three more times, she came across a frightening revelation.
"WE HAVE NOTHING FOR DINNER!" She wailed, flailing her hooves above her head.
"Don't you have eggs and pancake mix?" Wade asked.
"We still have a few ready made meals, I could fix up a couple...."Spike trailed off, wilting under Twilights horrifying scowl.
"We can't serve her r-meals! I only have those because they're easy to prepare for when I don't feel like cooking! And no," she coldly stated, staring at Wade. "Just no. I invited the Princess of the SUN and the MOON to have dinner at my HOUSE. I am not going to have them sit down and eat PANCAKES!" Twilight nearly yelled. What was she going to do? She would...she would have to..."Spike! We need to SHOP!" she shouted. " And we only have 3 hours and 17 minutes! C'mon, lets go, we haven't a moment to waste!" With this, she made a momentary image of herself that lingered in the air as she zipped out the front door. Noticing her number one assistant was still inside, she poked her head back in the open door. "C'mon Spike, I need your help!" Twilight grabbed Spike in her magic, positioning him upon her back. Seeing Wade simply standing where he had been,(looking at her in...amusement?) she gave him a rushed goodbye. "Uhhh, just stay out of trouble and if you go out be back by five, okay? Bye!"
And like that she was gone in a flash of pinkish purplish light. Huh. Wasn't Luna the one from the halloween episode? Guess I'd just have to wait and see. looking around, I was immediately struck by a sense of boredom. Twilight had three bookshelves laden with books that I could see simply from where I was standing in the entryway, but I didn't have high hopes for them. I couldn't read the stupid menu, so why would any of her other stuff be any different? I supposed I could read my kindle or play on my ds, but I didn't really feel like doing that. I... as much as I was embarrassed to admit, I wanted to explore. No one said I couldn't, in fact Twilight seemed to think that I was going to just go out. Be back by five indeed.
I was suddenly performing a spinning roll through the air, a pink blur attached firmly to my chest in a lung crushing hug. I landed heavily on my back, and when I was finally able to see past the spinning stars that seemed to oh so love my eyes, I saw the same pink terror from the first day. Smiling down at me from where she was standing on my chest. Dear god it was...uhhh...I couldn't remember. Ponky Pay? Pinky Ray? Something along those lines. An afterimage of pink streaked through the open door before it dissipated. Why couldn't Twilight have simply closed the stupid door?
"Hi!" she chirped happily.
"Get off," I grunted angrily.
She leaned her head closer and I swear I could smell cake on her breath. Didn't ANY of these damn ponies have a scrap of an idea about personal space? Touchy feely grabby lot. Too much for my comfort.
"Get," I muttered, placing a hand under her chest and pushing her upwards, "Off."
Well. this was an odd position to find myself in. She just...hung there. Her back legs were straddled over my waistline(NO NO NO GET YOUR DAMN MINDS OUTA THE GUTTERS DAMN YOU SHE IS A HORSE)and her front legs dangled from their own weight. And she just hung there, doing nothing to disengage her barrel from my hand. Smiling at me. Then she did something impossible. Her tongue came out and entered her hair, then returned holding an envelope. She then slapped it down on my forehead. Ew. This was just too much. I had to get this crazy horse offa me.
I started to acquire her. Once she went all 'trance state', I could just shove her off and run. I really had to start getting some male morphs though, this was becoming embarrassing.
"Whaaaatcha doooin?" She asked, seeming to have no trouble staying awake. And completely focused. Wonderful, she was immune. Why am I surprised? "Oh, you're doing that. you don't wanna do thaaaat~" She trilled. What was she-
Oh holy crap my arm went all pins and needles on me. I lost the ability to hold her up and she flopped down on top of me, before I was able to shove her off to a side. "Weeeee six out of ten!" she whooped, having slid across the floor and pulled a large card with the number six from...somewhere. Maybe she had it with her before she canon-balled into me? Why would she be carrying it around though, for what possible reason?
"Iiiiiiiiiii...~"OH GOD NO SHE WAS STARTING TO SING, "Wanna wel-come you, yes I real-ly do~, I wanna wel-come you to this love-ly love-ly town~" NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-
I...hate singing in public. It makes me all shades of uncomfortable. And seeing someone else start singing isn't much better for me. It just cements in how bad my own singing voice is. I prefer to leave singing to the clean sterility of my headphones. I sing when I'm alone, of course, I'm only human...but the times you'll hear me singing are numbered fewer than the fingers on my hands.
"Stop stop stop stoooop!"I managed to choke out, and to my utter amazement she actually did. "Please, no singing." Her smile slightly faltered, but was quickly restored. "How bout...we just talk...like normal people. Okay?" I nodded hopefully with this statement, and she nodded along with me. In such a fashion I couldn't tell if she was actually listening to me though.
"But I'm not a people, I'm a pony!" She said with another wide smile. "You missed the party I threw for you, but I can't really fault a pony for taking a well deserved nap, Dashie takes a WHOLE LOT of them and sometimes its a bummer because then I can't hang out with her or go pranking, but I digress I was talking about you not about me, since you missed the last one I'm inviting to you to another one tonight!" I...I...I....I...I...got nuthin.
"I...I..." what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?!!? WAIT. I HAVE THE PERFECT EXCUSE! "I'm sorry, but me and Twilight are having dinner with...uhhh..."Holy shit what was her name? I forgot her name! "Celestia," aha, nailed it! "and her Sister."Hah, suck on it universe!
"Oh, shoot! Guess I'll have to reschedule!" she belted out cheerfully. "I'll give you a new invitation tomorrow then, okay? Laters!"
With that she twitched and was gone, leaving a trail of pink and the scent of cotton candy that led out the door.
So yeah. That happened. Apparently I narrowly avoided one massively uncomfortable situation for one tomorrow instead. Maybe I could find a rat and just hide from her. Forever.
"For-ever!" Holy shit where did that come from. The pink horse was poking her head back in through the door. For some reason. "For...e-v-e-r..."she trailed off, disappearing from view once again. The hell was wrong with her.
That just made me resistant to go outside though. What if everyone in this stupid town was just as unerringly friendly? Worse is if they were all staring at me, questioning what I was. I regretfully said a silent thanks to the pink demon for delaying my leave, if she hadn't I might have just walked out without donning an appropriate disguise. Hmmm. I didn't want appleprick disturbing me (I might run into her in town, who knows.), so the wonder twin and Flutterbat morph were out. Could go Twilight again, but the lack of wings might draw more attention to it than anything else. That left one morph. Annoying Pink.
I turned around and started searching for Twilights room. One thing I had noticed very quickly at the deli was that there was a very common trend. There wasn't a single adult I saw that didn't have a butt mark. That was the one thing my morphs seemed to lack, for some reason. I guess the morph will pay attention to hair length, but doesn't give a shit about tattoos. Technooooology. And as far as I figured, Twilight was a girl. Girls liked clothes. I remembered Rarity was a clothesmaker, so even though I didn't see anyone wearing them didn't mean it wasn't a thing. If I could find a coat or something in her room, I could cover my butt and save my modesty in one fell swoop.
I found that gym again. A bunch of weird machines that I didn't recognize. continuing on, I found a bunch of guest rooms, and even a freaking pool. No clothes. I eventually found her room, but I couldn't get in. The door was open, but it had some sort of pink bubble stretching over the doorway. Well. That was a dead end. I left that hallway, and found a peculiar row of guest rooms. One had balloons and streamers poking out from under the door. The door opposite had a rusty horseshoe hanging on a nail from it. The next two in the row had a poster of a bunch of pegasi in bodysuits, and a doorhanger thing that had the number 47 on it with a picture of a beaver. The last door in the hall had a plaque shined to a finish hanging from it. I knocked twice and waited for a response, upon not receiving one I opened the door.
This was...I think it was Raritys room. Or guest room or whatever. Perhaps they had sleepovers or something. This might have been an even better find than Twilights room, what better place to look for clothes than in the room of a clothesmaker? There was a large, floofy bed with tons of ruffles and lace. I think if I lay on it, I'd sink all the way to the springs. Looking in the closet, I found nearly a mall's worth of clothes. How could one person own this much? Bah. Looking through the multitudes of cloth, I came to a realization. There was nothing but dresses here. And I sure as shit wasn't going to be wearing one of those. Pulling aside one hanger, I came across the greatest find of the century. A simple white cloak with hood, no frills or anything else fancy. Nothing obviously feminine, as far as I could see. Long enough that if a pony wore it, it would reach all the way back down almost to the hooves.
Perfect.
After getting lost on my way back to the front door, I finally made it back to the start. A wall clock said it was 3;27, so I had eaten up a good chunk of my free time. Oh well. Beginning the morph, I quickly shrank as my spine restructured itself to better fit a quadruped. the nails on my hands merged and grew, becoming a hoof on each limb. My ears billowed and moved to the top of my head as my skull stretched and smushed itself into the correct shape. And finally my hair and tail grew at an accelerated rate, filling my field of view with pink. The morph finished, I inspected myself in the mirror by the door. (A checklist was taped to it, denoting something to have to do with books. I know it was books because she drew several of them all over the list.) I guess Annoying Pink curled her hair or something, seeing as my hair and tail were completely flat. To add to that, my colors looked a bit...darker?
Guess she dyed her coat or something. All the better, now I probably wouldn't be confused with the Annoying Pink.
I wrapped the cloak around me (the neck clasp snapped closed like magic), and it fit like a snug little glove. Best of all, It settled right over my butt, hiding my lack of tattoo. Perfect.
I thrust the door open, and stepped out into this brave new world.
From the get go I was lit up with fearful stares. Eventually I got fed up and walked over to a cowering pony, who shrank from my approach.
"Is something wrong?" I tried to ask as calmly as possible.
"Sweet Celestia Pinkie I'm sorry I'm sorry I didn't mean it here have a daisy-" she shoved a daisy from her cart into my mouth at this point. She then ran off shouting "I'm sorry I hope you feel better please don't hate meeeee..."
I looked around at the multitude of ponies who for some reason at this point were doing their damndest to avoid eye contact, and issued my thoughts on the occasion.
"What." At this everyone did everything in their power to not draw my attention. Which I guess was a good outcome. Apparently flat hair 'Pinkie' was a thing around here. One which the townsfolk were scared shitless of. Not the best outcome, but still. Better than everyone trying to make friends though. Actually kinda felt like home.
"Pinkie Pie, dear... Are you feeling alright?" Asked a soft, somehow regal voice from behind me. I mentally groaned, recognizing the voice in question. Rarity. The woman whose technically stolen clothes I was now wearing. Wonderful.
"Names not Pinkie Pie, and I feel fine." I tried to break away from Rarity by walking away, but lo and behold she matched my pace and direction.
"Allright then...Pinkamena. Are you feeling alright?" Dear lord she really wasn't going to let it go. "I can't help but notice...you happen to be wearing my depression coat?" Depression coat? Seriously? I guess it was rather bland compared to the rest of her self chosen clothing. Probably self made at that.
"I'm not Pinkie. I'm the human? Didn't Twilight tell you about me?" This was already uncomfortable enough.
She blinked, then released a deep breath I hadn't been aware she'd been holding. Her face lost the worried look she had held, and she leaned too damn close to me and whispered in my ear. "Thank Celestia, I thought we were on the lip of another Pinkie Pie breakdown. The last time she got like this, she thought the Cakes were moving away because they didn't like her. She almost blew up the Sugar Cube Corner, said she wanted to go out with a 'bang'. Apologies for the way everypony's bound to treat you for this, its not you its just how you look. That does raise the question however as to why and how exactly you came to be wearing my depression coat? I thought I left that dreadful thing at Twilights..." she trailed off and I could practically feel her thinking up her next question.
I swept the cloak away from my side briefly, letting her see the lack of a mark. "Had lunch with Twilight and Applejack, noticed that everyone seems to notice the lack of a mark rather quickly."
Her eyes filled with understanding, and she gave a little nod.
"Borrowed this from your guest room, hope you don't mind." If I was right, the next words out of her mouth would relate to 'why didn't you pick something more fabulous?'
"Hmph." she let out a slight snort, " You could have at least picked an ensemble that wasn't so...dreary. I had some truly magnificent choices in that closet, and you chose... well, that." Effing called it.
"This was the only thing in that closet I liked. Plain, and simple. No frills, no added nonsense. Just a piece of clothing that does exactly what its supposed to. Cover up."I shrugged my shoulders, and let the cloak settle deep around myself. Surprisingly, this answer seemed to sate her.
"Did you say human?" asked a wall of green suddenly in front of me. WHAT WAS WITH THE LACK OF PERSONAL SPACE IN THIS STUPID TOWN???
"No Lyra, she said cumin. You know, the spice? We're just planning on a nice dinner to help Pinkamena feel better. Now if you'll excuse us, I think I really must get Pinkamena back to Twilights, don't you?" With a smile, she started to pull on me. Directing me back to the stupid crystal castle. Oh well. I guess I'd had enough excitement for now. At least the green horse wasn't all up in my face anymore.
"Guess I was just hearing things...awww." Damnit, now I just felt bad. She turned and walked away, muttering to herself as she went.
A blur of pink and black rocketed past us, and I managed to choke out a question. "The hell was that?"
Rarity looked off towards the departing tumbling ball of pink fluff and black...chitin and let out a bored reply. "Oh, that was just Chrysalis and her mare friend. I swear, ever since her daughter took over as queen of the changelings she just runs around willy nilly. She's almost as bad as Pinkie." she looked back to me, " The real Pinkie, I mean..."
"Nah, I get it. She's...weird." We arrived back at the castle somehow at the precise time Twilight and Spike came back, both carting several bags worth of food. They both took one look at me and jumped to the assumption that everyone else in town had.
"Pinkie, its going to be okay, how about you just come inside and we can talk this out, all right?" Okay, this form was actually starting to piss me off.
"Not Pinkie. Wade." I muttered, brushing past Twilight through the front door. I started to morph back, bringing my hooves up to undo the clasp around my neck. I kinda liked this thing, it was pretty darn comfortable. So I didn't wanna go and wreck it. I draped it over my arm, and finally raised up to my full height. And then everything went black.
I woke up a couple hours later to a giant horse touching my forehead with her horn. She had a flowing head of blue, green, pink and purple hair. It flowed in an unseen wind. It was freaky.
"Nyeaghh..." I slurred out, causing her to smile for some reason. She turned away and called out to Twilight, I think. I was still waking up. Sue me.
I raised myself to a sitting position, I had been lain out on a couch I remember seeing in one of the rooms between the front door and the kitchen. I felt pretty good considering I had just blacked out. What was with that? It only...oh holy shit it only happened when I morphed back. And it was getting worse! Crap, the only cool thing I get out of all this and it turns out it doesn't like me. Wonderful. I dragged myself off of the couch, pitching to my feet.
"H-hey, take it easy!" Oh hey, Purple was worried about me. She stood beside the BIGGEST pony I had seen so far. I guess that was Celestia. Never saw her on the show, although I think she was in the opening. Purple picked me up with her magic and dumped me back on the couch.
"Please, relax young one," Great big pegacorn that she was, Celestia actually had a pretty soft voice. " You're suffering from magic exhaustion, you have to allow your body to rest in between exertions." Great, I was getting tired from using up something I didn't have? Wonderful.
"Thats...I dun use magic." Oh hey, my lips still refused to properly say what I wanted them to.
"Oh but you do young one," she said with a tilt of her head and a slight smile. "It may not be a magic accessible by me or my little ponies, but it is an energy just as magical, nonetheless." She levitated a familiar blue box into my sight. "Quite an...interesting relic I must say. It is tied to you, and through it, you are tied to it. If I am correct, you should be, hows the phrase go? Recharged, as it were? Yes. As long as you lead a healthy life and rest fully, you shouldn't encounter any more of these 'fainting spells'. And if you keep using your magic-" at this I snorted and tried to tell her I didn't 'do magic' again, but she shushed me. "If you keep exercising your magic as it were, you should find yourself grow stronger as a result. As one would in all walks of life." She smiled at me again, and at this point I was pretty sure I was half imagining this whole interaction. With a sigh and a soft smile from her, I fell back asleep.
When next I woke up, Twilight chewed me out for 'ruining the night'. I apparently slept through dinner, and it was only after several hours the two princesses finally had their fill of talking with Twilight all by her lonesome. Apparently Spike had gone naptime shortly after dinner, allowing Twilight to have her fill. I'd worry what they'd been talking about, but oh well. Twilight informed me that the most important thing they had talked about was the whole 'dimensional thing'. Neither Luna(yeah, I never even got to see her, bummer.) or Celestia had been able to find out anything new about sending me home while I was asleep. But they wanted Twilight to tell me that apparently they would 'keep looking for answers.' Bah. Another dead end.
I flopped back onto my back and was prepared to go back to sleep, when Twilight hauled me back upright with her magic.
I wrapped my mouth around the slab of toast and munched it back and forth. I had slathered it with butter, to try to cover up the taste of sourdough. It worked. Kinda. Twilight had refused to let me go back to sleep, something about 'keeping my promises'. So here I was, trying to erase the sleep from my mind with food. It wasn't that I wasn't a morning person. I just never get up before sunrise. You try getting up at 5 in the friggin morning.
I let out a yawn, and dragged the back of my hand across my left eye. It still had the yucky eye gunk stuck in it. Blegh.
"Here." Twilight said, levitating something over to me.
"A...watch?" I asked, inspecting the band she had handed...magicked to me? It was just a simple metal band, segmented like an expensive watch. The part where the actual watch should be was a flat, rectangular chunk of rock, with a... A DIAMOND JUTTING OUT OF IT. To heck with whatever it was, I'd keep it just for the diamond. at least I think it was a diamond. It looked like you'd see on tv.
"Celestia and Luna made it for you, Its a magic dial. When you wear it-" She lifted the...yeah I'm just going to call it a watch. She lifted the watch and pressed it to my skin, chuckling as I winced from the cold mineral. "It not only gauges how much magic energy you have," I saw the stone light up white, and what looked similar to a gas gauge. "but it also stores magic energy in the crystal so you don't have another backlash, like you did last night."
"So...what, It just gives me empty to full? Doesn't just tell me what I got?" I wasn't trying to sound ungrateful. But I will admit I still had my early morning cranky in full gear.
"Tap it twice," she said, doing just that. The white light sunk back into the stone, re-emerging as a number.
"Thirty seven?" I asked, and Twilight craned her head to look at it as well.
"Oh wow that's low." Ouch. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I just meant-" She choked off whatever reply she had been trying to form as I reversed the watch and pressed it against her leg.
"Three million, seven hundred and twenty five thousand, nine hundred and seventy three," I muttered, watching as Twilight failed horribly to conceal a blush. "Damn. Is that a lot, or am I just defective?"
At this her blush disappeared and her voice took a serious tone. "Its not an exact measure of ones abilities, there's nothing in this world that can do that, really. Its just like an approximation, more or less. Its exaggerated the more intense ones magical well is." This entire time, she had her eyes closed and was waving her hoof around as she monologued in a bored, 'I'm saying this from memory just as it was in the book' kinda way. It was kinda weird, honestly. "Imagine the difference between trying to remember two numbers on a piece of paper over one that has over a hundred. You'd be able to remember that there were two numbers on the first paper, but the second you'd swear had over five hundred, simply because you were overwhelmed." Guess that made sense. Still did nothing more than hammer in that I was a level one weakling. Maybe level two, if I was being generous.
"You really shouldn't put too much stock in that. That's all I'm saying." At this I did the thing that next occurred to me. I pressed it to my arm again. Thirty seven, again. Guess I'm a glutton for punishment. "Its not going to change just like that. Growth requires time." With a satisfied nod, she levitated a slice of toast(she put some sort of rainbow striped jam on it) up to her mouth and dug in.
"So what, I just keep morphing and hope I...'grow'? Guess that's not too different from what I was already doing. So this thing," I waved the watch at her, "Will stop me from fainting? Seems a bit far fetched." Said the guy in a magical world of talking unicorns.
"The princesses made it, it'll work," Spike grumbled from the doorway. Guess we woke him up. Or, considering the bright eyed and bushy tailed kind of person Twilight was, maybe this was normal wake up time. Friggin morning people.
"Yo, c'mere, lemme touch you," I slurred out, causing him to gape at me like a fish out of water. I did word it kinda badly. "I wanna see what power level you got."
"Oh. I thought you meant...never mind." Spike came over and I laid the watch on his forehead.
"Three hundred and twelve. Well, don't I feel weak." Seriously, this tiny little lizard was more than twice as strong as me, according to the new bling. That's emasculating. "Hey spike-" he looked at me, even more confused than when I laid the watch on his head, "Mind if I acquire you? Never seen a dragon before, and to be honest, I am curious." He took a couple seconds before responding.
"You gotta Pinkie promise you won't use my body to embarrass me, and if somepony asks, you have to tell them you aren't me, okay?" Seemed legit. I couldn't find fault with it, if someone else could look like me I'd hope they wouldn't go out and ruin my image. If I had an image to ruin.
"You got a deal, I pinky promise to your terms." I stuck out my pinky, and held out my hand. To which he looked at it in confusion. "You wanted the pinky promise little buddy, here's my pinky, and I'm making the promise...c'mon."
"What? That's...I meant a Pinkie promise. A Pinkie Pie promise?" He looked at me expectantly, to which I just shot a look of confusion right back at him. "Look, its just a promise that you make by saying a little rhyme, and if you break it Pinkie Pie will get you for it. Just say, 'Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye'. And you gotta follow the moves, too." He repeated the motions, first crossing an 'X' over where his heart must have been and then flapping his arms like wings and plunging his claw upwards, covering his right eye.
"Allright then, I Pinkie promise that I wont do the things you asked me not to. And or anything else I could possibly do to screw you over or otherwise. Cross my heart, hope to fly, " I traced an 'x' over my heart, "Stick a cupcake in my eye. That good enough for you?" Spike nodded his head, green spines wobbling slightly.
I placed a hand on his head, and concentrated. Half a minute later, Spike was getting impatient at seemingly nothing happening. "Is something supposed to happen?"
"Yeah, the acquired is supposed to go into a sort of daze, but I keep getting people that its not doing jack to. First was the bat at Fluttershys, then the annoying pi...uhhh....Pinkie Pie? I think that was her name? Yeah her. She was odd too..." I paused, avoiding Twilights frown at my insult to her friend. "I acquired her, and then my arm went numb. Well, like, after numb. You know, how your arm gets all tingly and pins and needles if you sleep on it?"
"Oh well. I guess it doesn't really matter. Thanks for the morph good buddy." I patted him on the head a couple times until he batted my hand away and crawled up onto a chair. Twilight floated a bowl of cereal with jems in it over to Spike, which he proceeded to chow down on. "Think I'll hold off on trying it out, though. Save my strength for the farm, who knows what Applepri-jack has in store for me." I stretched and flinched as Twilight glared at me.
"You don't hate Applejack...do you?"
"Its not that I hate her... its just that she pisses me off. She acts like I owe her, and I don't feel like I do." She nodded thoughtfully at this, and was...scrabbling away on yet another pad of paper. Friggin scientist.
A chime rang out, and Twilights head jerked towards the sound, levitating an egg timer onto the table. "Hey, you should head off if you want to get there before Applejack comes looking for you. Early bird gets the book, yes?" Early...what? I think she was mixing up her sayings. She did have a point though. If I dragged my feet, she might end up dragging me to the stupid farm against my will.
"Bah." I got to my feet, and grabbed my bag. I had a clean shirt I could change into afterwards. "Guess I'm off then."
"Forgetting something?" Twilight asked playfully, levitating the watch and the Escafil Device up to me.
"Thanks." I slipped the cube into my backpack-avoiding the issue of it once again slipping out my pocket midmorph- and placed the watch on my wrist. It didn't have any visible way for it to stay attached though. None that I could see, anyway. "How do I-"
"~Eximpe~" she muttered, and the two ends of the watch fused together, sealing my wrist in metal. "All you have to say is that. Ex. Eem. Pay. Its voice controlled!" She said cheerfully.
"Then why do I have to tap it to change modes?"
"Its...that's beside the point. Are you ready to go?"
"Just gonna avoid the question because you don't know the answer?" I shot back. I wasn't trying to piss her off. I swear.
"Well if you're going to have a smart mouth, why don't you use that energy constructively?" With a smile bordering on psychotic, she lit up her horn. She let loose a blinding flash, and when my eyesight returned I was standing in front of the farms entrance, a giant archway with a sign in their...cuniform-ish language.
One way trip to manual labor. Guess I'd have to apologize to her once I got back. And walk on eggshells around her from now on. What if I actually made her angry? Brrr.
The sun was just barely peeking over the edge of the world, and the damned roosters were making a racket. I thinks that's 'farmfolks alarm clock' for wake up now o'clock. Guess I couldn't make a bad situation just by going up to the front door and knocking. Some lights were even on inside, so someone was up.
I walked up to the front door, and knocked just like a normal person. Four knocks, all in tight succession. Master knock, heh. The door swung open after a few seconds, and standing there was a....reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally old green pony. Wrinkles upon wrinkles, and pure white hair. She swept her eyes over me, as if trying to figure out what the heck I was. "You the feller what Applejack said was gunna fix up the barn?" she drawled out in a thick accent. Well, now I knew where Appleprick got her oh so lovely accent from. It wasn't that I disliked it, it just sounded super stereotypical to me. Like a cartoon. Imagine that.
"Yeah, that's me. Is Applejack up?"
"Aaaaaaaapplejack! Yer new coltfriends here!" Well. Glad to see grandparents from other universes all have the same "embarrass their descendants" thing hardwired into them. Just hope she didn't push it. There's a line when it stops being funny and treads straight into being painful to sit through.
"What?" a muted voice called from somewhere upstairs. "That aint funny granny, he's jes here tah fix up the barn!"
"So ye say..." 'Granny' said under breath. She then gave me a wink, and wandered off back inside the house. "Make yerself at home, Applejack'll be down when she's good an' ready. You eaten yet? Pull up a chair and have a strudel." For such an old lady she sure could pack in a lot of air. I followed her into the kitchen, and accepted her offer. The breakfast she offered was really yummy. A bunch of apple pastries, the flavor really exploded in your mouth. You really had to be there, try it for yourself. Nothing can compare.
There was a little yellow coated and red haired filly half asleep at the table. Her head lolled up and down over her plate, a half finished pastry dangerously placed so that if she fell completely back asleep she'd smush it all over her face. I wondered if I should do something about that, but my thoughts were disturbed by another sitting at the table. The giant 'Big Red' of a horse. He was friggin gigantic, I bet he ate his Wheaties.
"Good...morning?" Wasn't really sure about my standing with this guy. He didn't seem to dislike me, but my limited interaction with him held two lights. One, the big ass bruiser that cleaned my clock and tied me up like an animal. And second, the insanely awkward interaction I'd had with him yesterday involving the visage of Fluttershy. I hope to never encounter THAT again.
"...mornin'." He huffed dispassionately. Well. At least he wasn't angry. He just sounded miffed. Apparently he was just as much unsure about this situation as I was.
"So, you guys got the tools and stuff? Am I doing that first, or talking to the cows?" Heck, I didn't even know where the cows were.
"Hmmm," he started, "First off, Applebloom here has something she wants to say to you." he nudged his...daughter? Applebloom jerked awake, muttering something about 'carrots from space trying to steal the normal ones'. It was freaking adorable.
"What...I..." she immediately froze when she realized a new guest was sitting not five feet from her. Her eyes darted between her dad and me, before he gave her a look. The kind of look one gives to say 'go on'. "Yer the one that got attacked trying run away from mah brother an' sister, right?" Brother? Damn, got the whole father daughter thing wrong. Horribly wrong. Never was good at guessing age. Add to that the boundaries of a different species, and I was shit out of luck.
"Ummm, yes? Pretty sure I'm the only human running around." I really shouldn't try and use sarcasm on little kids. It just leaves them confused. Most of the time.
"I just...I'm sorry! I saw you and I thought you was the long pony an' I panicked!" Long pony? Great, even the land of unicorns and rainbow dumbasses had a slender man. Wonderful. Couldn't anyone get by without trying to scare the shit out of those around them? I hated creepypasta.
"That's...whats a long pony?" If I could get her talking, maybe she'd warm up to me. It worked with the little tykes I was forced to babysit back home(in this economy, you take the extra money where you can get it).
The sleepover had started innocently enough. Applebloom had arrived at Rarity's(she had somehow foalishly agreed to host the cmc sleepover again) and Scootaloo had arrived shortly after. They played games, they ate food that was bad for them, and they were in general quite merry. All good things must come to an end, however, and soon enough it was time for bed. The prerequisite pillow fight went off without a hitch(Rarity came in at the end and made it a draw), and soon after the lights went out. But any that was once young knows that this doesn't stop the fun.
Sweetiebelle started off their round of scary stories, one about a diamond dog called "Phil". She wove a story of this errant dog, who went from house to house while ponies slept and stole their clothing. Applebloom and Scootaloo laughed it off, as it was quite apparent a 'scary' story retold from her sister. Applebloom was next and told of the 'applefungus that ate an orchard', Which quite predictably was shrugged off as a 'lame' story.
So Scootaloo was last. And boy did she have a doozy. Rainbow Dash had told it to her about a week previous, when she had asked of a good story to tell at the upcoming sleepover. (admittedly, Rainbow Dash did not have the highest sensibility when dealing with foals.) It was the tale...Of the Long Pony.
"Time was, there was a wicked queen. The evil queen Sanguine. The queen enjoyed foalnapping her citizens, and taking them to her deepest, darkest dungeon. There, she would perform all kinds of experiments on them, and torture them after she was finished. One such pony was a simple mason by the name of Shadow Stone. Shadow Stone was a mystery to the Queen Sanguine. No matter what she did to him, no matter the pains she caused him, he never once raised his voice in pain. He would always glare at Sanguine, and she found herself shaken to her heart. As twisted and black as it was, the look in that simple ponies eyes caused it to fill with...fear? Impossible. Unthinkable. Intolerable." Scootaloo paused briefly to take a sip of water, watching with amusement as her two friends hung on her every word. "Finally, she was fed up with Shadow Stone, and his refusal to bend to her twisted game. She ordered her minion to tie him to...the rack. A truly terrifying device, the purpose of this was to stretch a pony, lengthways. The rack would stretch the pony till his bones broke, and his skin tore. It would stretch him until he died. She stood before him for the entire three days it took him to do so. Silently willing him to scream, to cry out in anguish, to give her SOME sort of satisfaction. Finally, three days since the start, when his body was stretched long and his bones bent and broke. After all of this. He finally screamed. Not in pain. Not in fear."
Scootaloo paused, looking at her friends faces caught in silence. Entrapped, she had them precisely where she wanted them.
"Shadow Stone finally screamed. In RAGE. In FURY. Such was the might of his very voice that his restraints snapped from his body, and the queens minion was struck dead from the force. The queen Sanguine reeled from it, and was lucky to only be struck deaf. Finally, she turned her head back towards the body of the pony that dared defy her. She was filled with an unnatural fear, and fled back to the safety of her chambers. She was never seen, or heard from again."
"For then...they say after he died, It. Came. Back." Scootaloo drawled, enunciating the last three words while she waved her forelegs in front of her in what she assumed to be a 'scary' way. "It took revenge on all those that had hurt it. It would seek out those that wronged others, or those that so much as dared to belittle the humble profession it had held in life. It soon became a pony of legend...the Long Pony. They say that if you ever see it, standing up on two legs and blankly staring at you..." with this Scootaloo rose up on her back legs, fixing her two friends with a dead eyed gaze. "That means...you're next."
Well. That was certainly some story. I can see why she had an unnatural fear of it. Quite a macabre tale. A bit more graphic than I expected of this world, to be honest. I didn't fault her for being afraid, until only a few years previous, I had been unable to shake my unatural fear of 'scary things'. I had nightmares from watching the Shining when I was 17. Looking back on it, I had been scared of an old lady that turned into a corpse. Ridiculous.
"Well, I guess I accept your apology, and thanks for the story. I'll be sure to use it some time." I ended with a smile, to show her there were no hard feelings.
"Yer...not mad?" she asked with a puppy dog look. Seriously, if her eyes got any wider her head would probably explode.
"I'm not tied to a post in a barn right now," at this Big Red sputtered and choked on his meal, "so why would I be mad? Whats in the past is in the past." My irritation right now was focused on Appleprick, honestly. I wouldn't hold it against a little kid.
"Oh, Okay!" She barked with a wide smile, any trace of sleep gone from her stance, "Mah names Applebloom, its a pleasure tah meetcha!" She held out a hoof over the table, so I obliged and took it with a strong shake.
"Wade Jallecks, and its a pleasure to meet you too, little lady."
"So what are you, where are ya from? Why'd ya come here? Why were you on the farm? Why-"
"Applebloom! You leave him alone, He don' need you pestering him with questions, ya hear?" Oh hey, Applejack was done doing whatever she had been doing upstairs.
"But Applejack..."
"No buts, you gotta take mr. Jallecks here over tah see the cows, then ya gotta finish yer chores before ya gotta go to school." She gave her a knowing look, and Applebloom hung her head in defeat. "After yall do that, show him where the tools are and leave him too it, ya hear?"
"Loud and clear, Applejack." she got down from her chair, and walked over to the door. "Well, ya coming?"
Guess breakfast number two was over. With a slight groan(I don't know how they do it. The chairs look exactly like chairs from earth. But they don't support in the same way, somehow. Made my back sore from the few minutes I sat in it.) I lurched to my feet, and followed after the bobbing pink ribbon.
Applebloom introduced me to the cows, and an interesting facet came to light. One, they were led by a lady named "Mr. Moo." Authority or whatever. I should stop being surprised by this place. Two, apparently I wasn't the thing the herd got spooked by. Eat that, Applejack! What they saw was some sort of red, scary cat. Surprisingly enough, Applejack had never asked WHAT they were afraid of, and just assumed it had been me.
After introducing myself to the lot, (its hard saying hi to your food. Especially when it says hi back. I was going to have to find something I could eat if I had to stay here much longer.) Applebloom introduced me to my favorite building on the farm. Yeah, I was back at the stupid barn. After showing me what I had to work with, ( a bucket of nails, two brand spankin new boards, and a hammer that l swear looked like it was about to fall apart. Seriously, the hammer was cracked, and covered with rust. I was afraid it would shatter at the slightest tap.) she ran back off to the main house. Once again, I was left all to my lonesome.
I started by using the hammer to pry the nails from the old boards, setting them aside in a pile. Maybe Applejack would want to keep them? No matter. I placed the shattered boards to the side as well, they could always use them as firewood or something. I lined the first board up, and used up 19 nails hammering it in(One nail bent into an unusable pretzel). I got almost halfway through with the second board before the universe decided it was time to shit in my cheerios. I drew my hand back, and slammed the head of the hammer into the nail. And the damn hammer exploded. Hundreds of little tiny slivers of shrapnel flew outward, ripping into my face and arm. Lovely. Bleeding and without a device to finish my task, I tried to think of what I could do.
Cry from the pain? No, I was already doing that. Go to Applejack and ask for another hammer? Hell no, she'd probably try to make me pay for her stone age hammer. Wait, hooves are tough, right? I could probably finish this through the highest form of improvisation. I'd need Twilight, though. I sure as shit wouldn't be able to hold the nails with my mouth and hammer them in. Less than a minute later, I stood before the barn as a non pegacorn Twilight.
Now all I had to do was figure out how to use magic, without a guide or teacher. At least my face didn't hurt anymore.
I stared at the bucket of nails, silently willing them to rise, to float, TO FRIGGIN MOVE GOSH DARN IT. So just thinking about what I wanted didn't cut it. I needed something else. I then channeled my inner geek, and 'reached for the force'. You know what I'm talking about. Any kid who's ever seen even a single one of the movies has done this in the privacy of their own home. We all reached a hand out, and tried our damndest to make something move, to twitch, to fly across the room into our hands. Don't act like you haven't.
I concentrated, trying desperately to push some sort of energy out my han-hoof. Concentrating and straining, I eventually felt... something. something different. There was an underlying current, slowly twisting and circling along the path I shoved it. And finally, after a monumentous surge of effort, I managed to get a result. A single emerald tinged spark danced across my hoof. I was floored by the effort, sinking to the ground. That much work, for a single freaking spark? That didn't friggin help me, in fact that in the end It was a detriment. How the hell did Twilight have such ease just floating shit to and fro with her hor...horn. Friggin duh. Obviously the horn was somehow easier than trying to force magic out of a hoof. Friggin idiot.
Once I had collected my breath, I tried again. Concentrating, focusing, pushing the energy to my...horn. And would you believe it, I actually got a result. A single nail was enveloped in an emerald green aura, and I lifted it. Tortuously. It felt like I was trying to lift a 60lb weight. In a word, it was HARD. It was shaky, but I managed to hold it in place long enough to slam my hoof forward. Moving my hoof, I was hit by a welcome sight. The nail, set firmly into the wood. A horseshoe shaped dent surrounded it, but oh well. Can't have perfection. I continued like this, and soon enough the job was done.
Shaking from the exertion, I took a step back to appreciate the hard work I had done. And slipped. My back left leg shot out from under me, and I fell bodily on my stomach. The thing I slipped on? It rocketed forward and ricocheted off the barn, smacking me in the forehead. Nursing my poor head and wondering why the universe so thoroughly hated me, I inspected the thing that had caused me so much pain.
It was a coin. The same type of golden coin that Twilight had used to pay for lunch...I think she called it a bit? Turning it over, I could see that there was a see-saw with the letters A and U above it on one side, and an image of an eclipse on the other. I lifted it, and without further testing that I would not know how to do I could only assume it actually was gold. It was then a voice echoed all around me, coming from nowhere and everywhere all at once. It was similar to thoughtspeak, but wholey different.
I am Auric Fulcrum, the light, the candle, the wielder of Alchemy! Reborn by the Golden Sun, I punish the wicked, no matter their form! You who would bring back balance and peace, I call friends to my cause!
O...kay...Well that's a thing. On the one hand, sticking my hand in a hole without prior knowledge of what was inside it was a really stupid idea. On the other hand...
I wanted to see what this did.
"Uhh...okay, so I have to call...? Auric!" I called out, before stuttering the rest of my words. "I...um, call thee...to...come here?"Okay so I absolutely sucked it the big time. Maybe I could get a do over? No such luck, apparently.
A flash of light alerted me to someone standing behind me. Dragging myself to my feet, I turned around to see who had come upon me. It turned out to be a unicorn. He had an orange coat, black mane and tail that turned to gold at the ends, golden eyes, crystal-blue hooves, and a mark of an eclipse as his butt mark. I admit, I stared. Hey, he stared too. Finally he broke the silence.
"Um. Twilight, where'd your wings go? And you realize that you don't have to summon me to get my attention, right? A social call is acceptable..."
"Umm..."Well that was new, apparently Purple had some 'out there' friends. Who lived in coins of all things. Interesting. Maybe he was a genie? Nah. That'd be stupid. "Not Twilight," I stated, cocking my head sideways.
This...Auric character blinked at that, then turned in a circle, silently taking in the sights around him. He then looked back at me and tilted his head. "Different dimension?"
"I...guess? If you're looking for Twilight, she was back her crystal castle thing the last time I saw her."
Auric nodded at that. "Ah, interesting. And yet, you look exactly like her pre-ascension form. So...something is going on here. And seeing as how you summoned me...you're Displaced, aren't you?"
"Ascension? You mean how she's a pegacorn? She said something about that too..." I scratched the bridge of my nose. "And...displaced... if you mean I'm not supposed to be here, then yeah. I was somewhere else, and then I woke up here. Right there, in fact, " I said, walking around the corner of the barn and pointing at a spot about halfway towards the front.
"Yeah...you're gonna have to give me the lowdown about how you got to your version of Equestria, and I'll give you the lowdown about this little corner of the Multiverse..."
Well, for such a little guy he sure was insistent. Of course, thinking about it, he was actually bigger than me right now. Bigger than Twilight, anyway. Something about him though radiated presence, so hey, what would it hurt?
"I was at a convention with my friend, and I found...hold on, wait a minute, this'd be better with visual aid." I walked back over to my backpack, and fished out the Escafil device. "I picked this off of random table, asked the guy how much and when I looked back up, I was looking at that stupid wall." I pointed at the side of the barn to accentuate my point.
"Ah. You had the misfortune of meeting the Merchant. Most of us do. And yes, before you ask, you're hardly the first, or second, or whatever number you're thinking of, to be Displaced. However, there's almost always a reason. A purpose behind being Displaced." Auric then looked at the wall and tilted his head to the side. "Um. I suppose that's the reason this wall isn't colored like the rest, then? And why does that cube look so...familiar? I swear, it's on the tip of my tongue..."
"Its called an Escafil Device. Its from a book series called Animorphs? Big back in the 90's? It lets me morph. Hence why I look like Twilight. I would've just used a hammer to hammer in these boards," I pointed to the two new boards leaning against the barn. "But Appleprick decided to give me the only hammer in possibly ever to just explode on the first hit." I picked up the broken hammer handle in my other hoof, showing it off. "So since I don't wanna go ask for another one-she'd probably try to make me pay for that too...- I figured hooves would work just as well." Wait, why was I venting to this guy? I just met him! He didn't want to hear me bitching at him! "Sorry. Kinda went off on a bit of a tangent there. My bad."
"'s all cool. Believe you me, there's nothing you can say that can top what I've been through, most likely. At least when you popped in, you still had a body."Auric then took the hammer from me, floating it in front of him before...doing something. There was some sort of...flames? The hammer handle, and all of the tiny little splinters of pain zipped back together. Damn. Magic man with the maaaagic. "And thanks for the info. Also, don't try that on me. I'm not sure what you'd end up getting, but believe you me, the Multiverse only needs one of me."
"Yeah, I'm not gonna even bother. I'm assuming you got some sort of...dimensional hoodoo in you? Don't think that'd end well. Acquired Pinkie Pie, and my arm went numb." I shuddered at the memory of the sensation. "Touched her, started the process, and then my arm was all pins and needles. And seeing as I got the nerfed version of Twilight, I'm pretty sure that magic in general doesn't like me. So yeah, I'll be keeping my personal bubble niiiiice and strong around you, don't you worry."
He gazed at the wall, and looked as if he was trying to figure something out. "So...why're you stuck fixing this wall, again? I mean, it wasn't technically your fault, right?"
He floated the hammer back to me, so I lay it back on the ground. It looked better than when Appleprick gave it to me. All shiny and stuff. "Well, I said I woke up here, right? Literally seconds after that, Big Red knocked me out and tied me up in the barn." How many times was I going to have to repeat this story? Once for Twilight and the Apple, and now for the new guy. Maybe I should look into getting it on tape.
"I was still all hazy on the whole...'here' thing. I thought some nutjob was gonna do unspeakable things to me. I cut the rope with my pocket knife, then broke...well I broke this." I waved at the newest addition to the back wall. The two boards I had just nailed in were...well they certainly stood out. The bright red of the main of the barn stood in stark contrast to their light tannish/brown. It looked kinda bad. Heh, maybe Appleprick should get it painted.
"So...while I can understand reacting in the manner you did, really, I can. Such things are sorta-kinda excessive here. Still, I hope you got that misunderstanding patched over between you and Applejack."
"If by 'patched over' you mean she whined at me till I agreed to fix the wall and pay off the cost of the rope, then sure. Lets go with that. Once I pay off the stupid rope, I'll put my bitterness aside. For now though, I'll whine and gripe, as is my right." I smiled at him. "Really though, thanks for the hammer. Maybe she'll knock some dosh off for that. Quick question, before we go on to another topic." I held up the coin, "Hows this thing work? Do you live in here or something? Seems a bit cramped..."
"Oh hardly. I'm from the universe next door, and that coin is my Token. I answer those that call on me, and I return when my business is concluded." He eyed the barn and huffed a bit. "Gah. Got any paint? This irks me..."
"Paint? Well the younger of the wonder twins wanted me to...I would assume she has some somewhere. I personally have no idea where she'd keep it though." I shrugged my...shoulders? Withers? Whatever. "I guess I could go ask her, if you wanted me to."
"It'd be useful," he said. "I can transmute things, but it's easier with a base..." Sounded all Full Metal Alchemist, but before it looked like magic. Maybe he was a jack of all trades?
"Fine. Last I saw, she was back at the house." I started off in the direction Applebloom had dissapeared. I stopped when a thought occurred to me. I didn't need to stick with the hooves, I already finished with the nails, and even if I hadn't Auric fixed the stupid hammer. So I morphed back. True to 'ol sunbutts explanation, I only felt slightly winded. Guess all I needed was a good nights sleep.
I gathered my backpack, and turned back to see Auric giving me a critical look.
"What? I got something on my face?"
He shook his head at that. "Oh! Sorry. It's just...eerily hypnotizing to watch. Anyways, you go ahead. I've got things to think over."
"Oh...kay...then. I'll be back when I find the paint then." I turned and left him to his thoughts. A strange guy, all things considered. Of course, nothing about this situation was normal. Different worlds, alchemical powers, and magic. I guess the norm was bound to get kicked in the balls.
Well then. I walked back to the house, trying to collect my thoughts along the way. He was from another, different world. He had encountered this 'Merchant' as well. Who apparently was a total scuzzbag. I didn't really know what to think about about the situation. I'd have to ask if Auric knew how I could get home.
I walked back inside the house, but the only soul I could see was 'Granny' rocking back and forth in an old chair. "Excuse me? Ma'am?" I tried to get her attention, and the universe actually said 'okay, have a break'.
"Mmmmm? Ah, Applejacks new coltfriend. Whadaya need sonny?" Great, she was still going on about that.
"I was wondering where and or if you had any paint for the barn?"
She drew a hoof up to tap on her chin thoughtfully. "Well, I don' quite 'member last time we painted, but iffin I were tah guess the paint'd be in the barn, don' cha know."
Of course. And here I was, actually saying the universe wasn't trying to have a laugh at my expense. I take that back. It was laughing straight in my face, waiting for me to make a fool of myself at every turn. Didn't have to wait very much.
"Thank you miss Apple," I said, waving goodbye.
"Jes call me Granny Smith, everypony else does," She said with a smile.
"Allright then...Granny Smith. Have a nice day!" I walked out the door, chuckling at the old ponies musing as I left. Grandparents will be grandparents.
"Picked a good un." Really hope she was just making fun at this point.
I walked my way back to the barn and...pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft oh holy crap. He had...done something to the barn. It no longer looked like a stereotypical barn. It was twice as large as it had been, and had a... slightly chinese theatre kinda vibe going on. And...hehehehehehehehehehe it was plaid. The outside of the barn was fricken PLAID. GREEN AND BLUE PLAID. Oh god. Applejack was gonna have an anurism.
"I...see you found the paint?" I watched as he turned around and looked at me sheepishly.
"Yes, yes I did. I modified the barns structure while I was at it, now it can withstand a class 3 tornado. Or Rainbow Dash, whatever your version of Equestria decides to throw at it. I also expanded the cellar, attached it to the house, and gave it an extra four stories, downward." Damn. That was... well color me impressed.
"Ummm...all in the short time I walked from here to the house and back?" I asked, my surprise evident on my face.
"...I got bored." Suddenly, he got a far off look in his eyes. "My apologies, I now have...other pressing matters to attend to. Multiverse, you understand." With a slow huff(he actually sounded upset that he had to go...was he having fun?) his hooves started to glow with...golden flames. "Sorry I have to rush off, and sorry I didn't have time to stick around and explain things. Just call me again, sometime. I'll send over a folder in the meantime. Oh wait, before I go... May I see your 'Escafil Device' again?" I handed it to him, and he turned it over in his hooves for a few seconds. Before pulling a smaller cube out of it.
<Copy attempted. Default Escafil Device produced. Please refer to your users manual for further information.>
"So it has an AI operating system? Interesting. It ever say anything out of the ordinary? No matter. Hold this, and state your phrase. I'll distribute this among the void for you, okay?" I didn't really get what he was talking about, but whatever. He'd helped me so far, so this couldn't be that bad, right?
I took both Devices in my hands and thought about what I wanted to say. "Uhhh, so this is a calling card like yours, right?" he nodded, so I continued. " Uhh. This is the...Animorph...Wade. Call me...if you need any help?" Okay so it was pretty pathetic. But Auric looked like he was in a hurry, so I couldn't just stand here and do endless retries all day. I handed the smaller cube to him, where he held it with his magic.
"You sure you want that to be...okay then. Thanks for having me, see you later. Agh, almost forgot, SUPER important. Watch out for the Triad of Madness, its composed of Alice with the vorpal blade, Jack of Blades with the blade of ages, and Pyramid Head. All three hold weapons that contain madness in them. No offense to you, but if you come across one of them, I suggest you run." With a rush of energy and a clapping of his crystal blue hooves, he was gone.
Well that was interesting. I played with the coin-with the Totem of Auric the Alchemist. I'd have to keep that close at hand. If there was a guy like Auric floating around in the vast multiverse, what other kinds of eccentric people would I end up meeting?
I flicked the Totem upwards before catching it. All in all, this was a pretty good day-
"Mah barn! What the hey happened to mah barn!??!" Oh. Guess I was going to have to explain that to Applejack. She looked absolutely livid.
I strutted towards Applejacks wailing, where she was looking at the front of the barn with a gaze of utter brokenness.
"Ah, yees, zee amazink Applejack!" I said in a broken accent, drawing her attention to me. "Do yew liek eet? Eez magnifique, no? Zee structure, zee lines, zee ferocity! Eet zimply screams passion, non?" By this point her undivided attention was focused on me, and I slowly wondered if perhaps this was a bad baaaad idea.
"WHAT THE HEY DID YOU DO?!!?!?" She screamed at me. Yeah, this was a bad idea. Very bad.
"Why, mees Applejack, I wood zink yew of all ponies wood app-reeciate Function," I drew my hand in front of my face, striking a pose while doing my best 'blue steel' face. "Oovare...Fashion!" Well. That was a turn for the better. Instead of looking angry, now she was just looking confused. "Zee structure haz been eemproved! Ztronger zan bull! Ztrong enough to take oop to a cyategory sree toornado! Oor Zee Ranbow of Dash. Wheechever heets eet ferst."
"Wait jes an apple pickin' minute. Yer claiming this...ugly thing can stand up to Rainbow Dash?" Oh, I might actually get away with this, time to keep up the act.
"Zat ees not all! Zee ztructure cood tyake zee Ranbow of Dash goink fool teelt! Eye doo noot vant to brag, havink noot had eet feild tyested as oof yeet. Boot eye belief eet could even tyake soonick Ranboom!" I thrust my fist skyward, posturing for all my worth. I had actually gained an audience member in the form of Big Red during my speech. Might as well continue. It had been forever since I had cut loose and just acted goofy.
"Boot wait! Zeres moor!" I waved a hand towards the entrance, "Zee cellar haz been exteended! Beeger zan befoor! And too eemproove even furzur, eet has been geeven an extra foor levels! Zats right, and adeetional foor floors! And eet haz been attached to zee hous az well. Eef zat floots yer boot." I watched the wonder twins faces, which had by this point gone from confusion to amazement.
"Are yah serious? Ya did all that? How?" Well. I would have liked to continue past this point, but I've found that its never a good idea to take credit for actions you can't replicate. Puts you in situations you just get screwed in.
"I'm sorry, did I ever claim 'I' did that?" I dropped the ridiculous accent. It was fun while it lasted, but it was a pain to speak in.
"What...but you said..."
"I just said that it had been improved. Not that I had done any of the improving. Lets just say I know a guy, and he happened to be in the area." I took another look at the barn, and exaggerated my disapproval. "Can't say I approve of his choice in paint. How the heck did he even MANAGE to do plaid? That should have taken ages to dry, and then paint the other colors...I wasn't even gone that long..." Applejack gave me a questioning glance. "Hey, don't give me that look. I did exactly as you asked of me, I fixed up the boards in the back, my friend popped over to say hi, he said the lack of paint on the new boards 'irked him', so I went back to the house to ask Granny where the paint was."
"Paints in the barn." Big Mac oh so helpfully interjected.
"Well I know that NOW. Didn't before. By the time I got back...well, this." I gestured to the...barn? Could I even still call it that? At least it wasn't that annoying red anymore. "I was just as flabbergasted as you, he told me what he did, then scarpered off before I could stop him. Oh, and he also fixed your stupid hammer. The thing exploded on me," I waved my ripped and shredded shirt sleeve at them, still stained with my blood. Wonder how that worked. Guess even though my clothes morph with me, they still aren't considered genetic material or whatever.
"What the hey, are you all right?" Well that was new. She actually was worried about me.
"Hurt at first, but I morphed Twilight to finish the boards." She gave me a look that said 'what does that have to do with anything?' Guess I better elaborate. "Remember the forest? Morphing heals damage." Finally, a look of comprehension.
"So...yer friend...he couldn't have gotten far, point me in the direction he ran off to an' I'll drag 'im back tah fix ...this." Well, I think she was going to be disappointed.
"Actually, he kinda teleported off. And seeing as he was able to do this," I waved at the front of the barn "in only a few minutes, he obviously is packing some serious juice. I don't think you'll be able to follow. He said he'd be be back to talk sometime though, so if you want I could tell him you want to talk to him?"
"Hmph, you do that. While I appreciate the...'improvements', if they are what yall said they are, the fact that 'e did this without permission jes burns mah britches."
"You...aren't wearing any pants." I deadpanned, gaining an incredulous look from both Big Mac and Applejack.
"It's a sayin'. What, ya don' have those o'er in human land?"
"I...Okay. I have no response for that. I'm just going to nod my head and say 'allright'. In the mean time, are we gonna just stand out here gabbing, or go in and take a look?" I started walking towards the door, the wonder twins following at my heels.
It was- "Big." -yes, big. Thank you Big Mac. When a guy as big as him can't help but say that, you know its darned big. The ceiling was as high as the roof had been, and I could see stairs leading up to a second floor. I also saw what looked like an elevator. Kinda like one. It was attached to a set of gears and treads set into the wall that I guess lifted and lowered it. Didn't see what it ran on though, I could only see two buttons set into the lift(the stereotypical up arrow, down arrow), and another set into the wall beside it. I hadn't gotten that good of a view of the barn before, but I could see that most of the space was empty, the meager variety of items having been secluded to a single corner. Applejack made a slight fuss about that, but both of them were for the most part floored by the new space. There actually was five floors under the barn, the first(and probably original celler) had a bunch of large barrels of what smelled like apple juice. The following four floor underneath each had a large empty space(not that surprising, they didn't exactly have time to do anything with it between the time it was made and when we looked at it.). There was a tunnel attached to the first celler, that wound its way all the way back under the main house. There was also a large minecart looking dealio with tracks going the full length of the tunnel. Guess they could use it to more easily cart stuff between the house and the barn. I guess. The weirdest part of all of this, was the lighting. The very walls seemed to emit light, but it only seemed to last as long as someone was in the area. The lights faded as we exited the tunnels(popping up from a trapdoor in the living room, scaring the stuffing out of poor old Granny Smith), and Applejack and her brother were whispering back and forth about something.
"Listen, Wade, we wanted to talk to yall bout something. " Ooh, first name basis. That couldn't be good. "The barn...we can't accept it. Thats hundreds upon thousands worth of bits of renovations. We'd like it if yall contacted yer friend, so we could work out a way to pay 'im back. It aint right to leave it as is." And with this, she stomped a hoof, a satisfied look on her mug.
"He kinda left in a hurry, can't say he'll come running. You might have to wait a while, that okay with you?" With a nod and a resolute look from her, I pulled the coin out of my pocket. She looked confused at this, so I flipped it in the air.
"Auric, I call upon you." Applejack looked at me as if I had gone crazy, until a certain agitated unicorn poked his head out of a tear in the air.
"What? Oh, you. Sorry, I don't have time to talk, did you get the folder yet?" I shook my head, and Applejack pushed past her confusion long enough to confront him.
"Are yall the one what gussied up the barn?"
"Barn? I don't...oh wait, the barn. That was a while ago. Did you like it? I liked the paint job. Some of my best work.~" He trailed off under Applejacks glare, his hooves dangling out of the hole. Kinda weird looking, seeing this guy without a lower body.
"We wanted to talk to yall bout that. We appreciate it, but we can't accept it. Not as is. We wanna know what yall want, so we can pay ya fer yer work. Thats jes the honest thing tah do."
Auric massaged his head in his hooves, then spoke. "Look, I don't want to be rude, but I'm kinda in the middle of something. I really don't have time to talk or otherwise converse on a given agreement, so I hereby claim Wade here as my beneficiary, if you want to settle this do so with him. Now, as much as I'd love to stay and chat, some Djinn have gotten the idea to set water on fire. I've got to figure out how, then how to stop it, before my tower explodes. Good day miss Apple." And just like that he popped his head back through the tear and was gone. Applejack waved a hoof through the space he had occupied, and finding no resistance she finally gave up with a huff. And then she turned back to me.
"Well then, it looks like we got some stuff to talk bout, don' we?"
Well. Shit.
~-------------------------------~
Well that was exhausting.
I am now apparently an "honorary family member", according to Applejack. I've gotten the rope paid for in full, but apparently even that wasn't enough to pay for my friends services. After going back and forth with them trying to offer me money and me saying they had done enough(I didn't do jack besides nail some boards in. This kind of attention was...unsettling.), I finally left while they said they'd 'come to an accord' and get back to me. So I managed to put that off for another day. Future me's problem, not mine.
I morphed back into Flutterbat(didn't want to cause a panic, seeing how flighty they were just from seeing a flat haired version of Annoying Pink) and was on my way to town when....well.
Q happened. FREAKING. Q. FROM GOSH BE DARNED STAR TREK. SAME VOICE. SAME ATTITUDE. Same 'PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS'. And apparently he was friends with Fluttershy.
"Oooooh Flutterbutter~." I heard trilled from behind me, the instant before I found myself being hugged upside down. "You've had some work done! Can't say I agree with the results, you look NOTHING like you did before." At this point, he was holding me at arms length, talking to my butt like it was my head. "Can't let that stop me from spending time with my bestest friend in the whole world though, that would just be petty."
"...put me down? Please?" I was starting to get woozy, the sudden blood rushing to my head.
"...Fluttershy, were you aware your plot was talking?"
"You're holding me upside down."
"No, I'M upside down, you're rightside up, also would you like a cup of tea?" He asked, handing me one over the picnic blanket I found myself sitting on.
"Ummm, I...sure." I took the cup, took a sip, and immediately regretted it. This wasn't tea, this was-
"Okay then, would you like that before or after you finish your snail mucus?" He handed me another cup, this one actually filled with TEA, and I washed the abhorrent taste from my mouth as fast as I could. "Guess that answers that question. For some reason, I couldn't find any Jade tea. So I just made some Jade tea instead." I looked up, and we were at the edge of a waterfall. Somehow. "TAKE CARE NOT TO LET THE SWATTER SNIPES GET YOU, DONT GET TOO CLOSE-" Swatter snipes? What? How the heck did I get to a waterfall? How the hell did I get to a forest? Why was I running?
"Why are we running?!?" I called to...Q. He wasn't really running, and he didn't look anything like he had on Star Trek. He had a long, almost serpentine body. He had four mismatched limbs, which he currently had tucked against his belly. Except for the lion paw, which held out an open umbrella.
"Well, I'm flying, I don't know why you're running but I assume because you are trying to not get eaten by the banglygoos." He stated in a bored, detached manner.
"What the hell are banglygoos?!!!?!??!" I yelled at the unfortunate storeclerk I found myself talking to. He was quite startled by my outburst, and took a few seconds to compose himself.
"I'm sorry ma'am, this is a coffee shop?" He pointed up behind him at a menu set into the wall. A logo denoting the horrendous title of "Pony-bucks" was in the left bottom corner. "Are you going to order anything?"
"I'll have an iced white mocha," I sighed. Maybe I was just having some sort of sleep deprived breakdown?
"This is a hardware store lady, we don't serve drinks." The burly looking pony behind the desk stated, spitting into a garbage can off to the side.
"And finally, I was hoping we could just have a nice chat about the weather or something." Q said, passing me a cookie from across the table. I found myself back at Fluttershys...hovel. House? House sounds nicer. "Except Gregory House, that fellow is just all sorts of unpleasant." he mused, sucking on a table leg. That was still attached to a table.
"I...uhhh....what?"
"Oh, he's a very unpleasant doctor. Smart, but his bedside manner could use an overhaul. Oh Stutterbutter, I missed these talks of ours!" He reached over the table and grabbed me in a privacy deprived hug once again. "Awww, your new hair extensions are so soft! Who's a pretty pony? You're a pretty pony! Come now Shybye, who's a pretty pony?" Oh hell no. I squirmed in his seemingly fluid grasp, trying to get free. "Fluttershy...am I embarrassing you?" He asked in a serious tone, before getting a huge shit eating grin on his face as he hugged me tighter, and somehow made two more hand things appear in the air and start tickling my stomach. Now if there's one thing I hate more than being touched without my permission, its being tickled. Against ones will, that is a fate worse than death. The loss of control and the feeling of unwanted sensations running over ones skin. So I started trying to escape in earnest, thrashing and jolting against his grasp. All the while trying and failing to withhold the laughs and giggles that were issuing forth unbidden from my mouth.
"Nee! haHa, Let -JURGUHR- Lemme, NYEEEhheeeeee, Lemme go!"
"Not till you say it, c'mon, who's a pretty pony, say it!"
Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I had tried everything I could to get away, and yet here I was. I had to say it. I literally couldn't think of anything else. My mind was blank.
"I'm a pretty pony. I'm a pretty pony! I'M A PRETTY PONY!" and just like that he stopped, dropping me on the floor.
"Thank you for the lovely time new guy. And next time you want to impersonate Fluttershy, at least try something that doesn't look like the cross between her and a bat. I mean, were you even trying?" With that and a snap of his finger/claws, he was gone.
So there I was, huffing and panting as I tried to get my body to calm down. Seeing as he saw through my morph almost immediately, the bare minimum of being punked by Q was a small price to pay. At least I was alone-
"Well." came the deadpan comment of my least favorite Rainbow Dumbass. "That was amusing. But seeing as I'm not quite sure what I just saw, I'm gonna go home and take a nice long, cold shower." RD and Fluttershy had apparently been standing, dumbstruck in the kitchen, watching that entire exchange. Rainbow Dumbass zoomed out an open window(she was two feet from the nearest door, would it have killed her to spend that extra five seconds?) , leaving me wheezing my lungs out infront of a red faced Fluttershy.
I lay there on the floor for a couple seconds, the uncomfortable silence growing thicker and thicker by the second. Fluttershy opened her mouth to say something, but whatever she said was drowned out by an echoing voice in my head.
"Yo Wade I wanna chat, everyone in my world hates me, aaaaaand I'm bored."
"I accept, I accept! Beam me up scotty, get me outa this nightmare of uncomfortable situations!" It was then I started sinking into the floor. "Agh, no! I take it back!" Fluttershy got a full look of panic as she saw me sinking into her floor, scrambling with a clatter of hooves to try and help me. What I was unable to witness, is that she actually tried digging through the floor after I was gone.
I fell through a hole in the air, landing on my face. Looking around, I could see I was in a hut that was even more rustic than Fluttershy's. But most striking, the person that took up my immediate attention, was Dante Freaking Sparda standing in front of me. Before I was able to, he said something of his own.
"What DA fuq?"
Oh yes, answer the call. THATS a good plan. The hell did I get myself into?
Lyra Heartstrings sat in the sprawling complex located under her house, ignoring the plethora of human related artifacts. All save for one. A large computer screen sat before her, with the Two words that had stumped her for the past eight years.
Password__________ Username__________
She'd crack it eventually. She knew she had heard Pinkie Pie say something about Humans. She was POSITIVE. In the mean time...she already had a lead. A manuscript, tattered and spotted with age.
Rigel Betelgeuse Bellatrix Alnilam Saiph Alnitak twins Meissa twins Mintaka twins Wasp Gliese These are the founders of the Order of Orion. The stars shall aid in her escape.
She had been having a lovely conversation with Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash was trying to convince her to come to the next Dragon migration, but she had firmly stated that she REALLY didn't want to. Regardless, Rainbow Dash kept pushing, till finally she had caved, just as long as Rainbow Dash accompanied her to the bunny, butterfly, AND badger migration. It was then that Discord popped into her living room, touting what she could only assume was Wade in his...'Flutterbat' form.
Fluttershy wasn't really sure what to think about this breach of privacy, if she had known what he had been intending to do she would most likely have refused his request. To have somepony wandering around with her face...Oooh, it was just so creepy. As is, the deed was done. She'd have to ask politely when he wasn't busy if he wouldn't...wear her. If that was okay with him, that is.
Discord then grabbed Wade, and...started tickling him. Wade let out great big whoops of laughter and protest, till finally he had succumbed to Discords demands and let out 'I'm a pretty pony'. At this, Discord had dropped Wade and disappeared, leaving Fluttershy to deal with the broken pieces of normalcy. Rainbow Dash hurriedly claimed that she needed a shower(odd, she hadn't smelled bad, and even the slight musk she had was actually quite pleasant) and zoomed out an open window.
So there Wade lay in the middle of her living room, looking up at her with an embarrassed blush.
"Are you okay?" She asked, letting her concern tinge her voice. To which he responded something about beams and 'scotties'( maybe scottish terriers? They sure are cute...)
"Agh, no! I take it back!" He yelled in a panicked voice, as he started to sink into the floor.
Fluttershy tried her best to reach him and help him, but by the time she had gotten where he was he was gone.
"No no no no no no NO!" she cried, as she frantically dug at the floorboards, even managing to pry one up before the obvious stared her in the face.
"EEP!" She uttered, opening her wings and hovering. "Angel Bunny, what are you doing, the floor ate Wade!" grabbing her minute friend, she tried to think of what to do. "Twilight! Twilight does magic, she'll help Wade!"
It took her about 3 minutes to get to the Friendship Castle, but by that time the damage had been done. Tears streaming from her face, and an annoyed rabbit in her forelegs, she flew into the window nearest her(Twilight had taken to leaving them open, much easier than having to replace them when Rainbow Dash eventually broke them...) she landed in a distraught ball of pink and yellow fluff in front of her friend.
"Fluttershy? Whats wrong?"
"Wade...he...he!"
"Great, what did he do?"
"The floor ate Wade!" Burst from her lips, eliciting another round of tears, and another annoyed look from the bunny tucked tight against her chest.
"The..." Twilight let out a tired sigh, "the floor 'ate' him?"
Fluttershy gave a rapid up and down nod, so fast she probably got over 20 in under a second.
"...are you sure?"
"He sunk into my floor, and then I tried to help him, but there wasn't anything below the floorboards, and, and, and...!" She trailed off, not knowing where to lead on this development.
"Wait, so he actual SANK into your floor. Its not like the floor ate him?"
A nod.
"Listen, I'm just reading a book, how about we go back over to your place, you can show me what happened, maybe I can see if I can find anything?"
Another nod.
Twilight sighed, and gathered up a saddlebag with a few books on a relative topic. (Matter and You, Why We Need It. Theoretical Antimatter for Dummys.) With a comforting smile to her high strung friend, they left for Fluttershys house.
~-----------------------------------------~
"I can't see anything wrong." Twilight had scanned the area for magic, and besides the ambient pegasi magic that Fluttershy had been giving off, she couldn't sense anything out of the ordinary. Besides the middle of the floor that had been torn up, but apparently that was Fluttershy's doing. She had found Rainbow Dash lounging on a cloud between Fluttershy's house and the...(sigh) Friendship Castle, so she had asked her to fly around and keep an eye out for their wayward human. (apparently she had been at Fluttershy's when Wade had come by. Discord apparently chastised him for impersonating Fluttershy...)
Fluttershy whimpered(she had also refused to walk on the floor, instead hovering a couple feet above the ground.),"Are you sure, can you please check again? I mean...please?"
Twilight sighed, the act would be one of futility, but she would do anything to ease her friends state of mind. Wait...
"Wasn't Discord here?" She asked, if he was, then that could mean...
"Oh, yes. He popped in with Wade right before he disappeared..."
"Well that's odd...I should see some Chaos magic in the surrounding area, but there's nothing...Almost as if...something sucked it out?" Twilight mused, sending a spark of magic into the air. Nothing happened, predictably. She'd have to try something a bit more...unstable.
Twilight was an exceptionally good student, magic WAS her element, after all. That being said, it had taken her over a year of training with Pinkie Pie and Discord to even START understanding the basics of chaos magic. To even begin using it was even harder. The magic she had grown up learning was all about structure, being precise, in a word, order. Chaos magic however, well it was as its name suggested. Chaotic. You couldn't force it out, it was impossible to hold onto, and it almost never did WHAT you wanted it to. The best results she had gotten were when she had a basic idea of what she intended to do, and just bled a random amount of magic into it, and hope something favorable happened.
So she let out a gout of chaos magic, formless, into the surrounding air. Almost immediately, the mass of energy got...sucked out of the room. Through the floor.
"What the..." letting out another burst, she watched dumbfounded as it all disappeared, again. Following the escaping energy, she came across a truly monumentous discovery. All the energy...it was entering a void. A void that negated all of her attempts to probe it. How frustrating. Was this the kind of door Wade had come through? No wonder she hadn't been able to find anything at the farm, she'd been scanning for energy based off of Starswirls mirror in the Crystal Empire. If she could just figure out how this worked....
Both she and Fluttershy let out a squawk of surprise, as Wade came tumbling out of a hole in the air.
By the confused looks I was getting, I could tell I wasn't going to gain any traction as I currently was. And I sure as hell didn't want to gain the ire of another Q(if there were more than one, I couldn't put anything past him), So I began the morph back to my normal self. Wings melted and disappeared into my sides, the pink shock of hair hanging in front of my eyes sucked itself back into my scalp and returned to its normal brown shade. By the end, I was standing at my total height of 5'9, a look of disgust to be seen on the Twilight that was here, as well as...some sort of zebra pony. Dante Friggin Sparda however, he had a huge smile on his face, and stepped forward to greet me with an outstretched hand.
"Hello other Dimensional guy!" Yeah, that was definitely the voice I had heard echoing in my head. "Names Dante!" Yep. He looked exactly like he did in the games, white long hair(not as young as he was in the third game, not as old as he was in the first.) and red clothes. (his coat was on the ground, for some reason.)
"Wade Jallecks. Nice to meet you. Gimmie a second," I doubled over, the feeling of two morphs apparently enough to waylay me, but not enough to have the effect of the day previous.
I looked at my watch, which by this point read, "13... wow that's low." I tapped on the surface of the stone twice, bringing up the fuel gauge display. it was almost completely dark, the vestiges of white light only showing showing three bars on the left side.
"Sorry, this is just REALLY tiring. I already morphed twice today, I think I only have one more in me. So, you said you wanted to talk?"
Twilight looked as if she was about to say something, but Dante beat her to the punch. He covered her mouth, and then grabbed his sword and coat off the floor. With a stylish flourish, he wrapped it around his shoulders and waved to me.
"LETS GOOOO!!!" And with that he ran out the front door.
I took a few seconds to give Twilight and Zebra-pony an apologetic look, "I'm...sorry. It was nice meeting you, but it looks as if I have to go?" With a sheepish grin (although if I was honest, I wasn't really all that enthusiastic about having to deal with another Twilight, so whatever. It was all for the best.) I slipped out the front door, and ran after the white haired half demon. Or I tried to. I was still kinda winded, and I never was that athletic.
He actually had stopped a little ways ahead, and was waiting for me with a 'are you kidding me?' look on his face. I caught up to him, and stated my opinion. "I have a desk job, don't really get out all that much..."
"You really should start working out. The life of a...what are we called? Whatever. The life of us that were ripped from our dimensions are never easy. Why five minutes into arriving I had to shoot some ponies leg, kick a guy over a mountain, and figure out I was a thousand years before the show even started!" A thousand years? Dang. Guess it kinda made sense, seeing as he was...now immortal? Or as much as a half demon could be? I guess.
"First off, screw you. Second, Auric called us displaced. Third, WHAT? Thousand years? You've been here that long? And yes. The 'kicking a guy over a mountain' thing does not surprise me. I HAVE played your games before." Oh god I was talking to Dante I was talking to Dante! I was talking to Dante Dante Dante! Well, a guy that looked like him, but still. Awesome. "Heh, and you wondered why everyone hates you? Have you just been going around shooting everyone you meet?"
"Who's Auric? Anyway yes I've been here a thousand years been frozen in stone by Sunbutt." he chuckled "A demon locked within the Sword of Sparda possessed her a thousand years ago, and drove her mad. She killed my mare friend (don't you dare laugh), and many other innocent ponies, and placed the blame on me, and guess what they believe her like the mindless drones they are. I'm planning a revolt to try, and exercise the demon, and set things right...Clover would be proud..."
He started to cry and I was hit by a feeling of disconnect. This was Dante, blubbering like a schoolboy. Guess he really cared for this...mare. I guess if you're immortal, you end up finding kinship in those around you(regardless of species boundary).
I stepped forward, and put what I thought of as a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"I've never been in love. So I sure as hell have no way to be honest and say 'I know what you're going through', or 'I know how you feel'. But I sure as shit aint gonna belittle that feeling." I laughed, a hollow, dead laugh. "If you need my help, I'll gladly give it. I'm not sure how much of a help I'd be against a demon or whatever though... Anyway, about Auric."
I pulled out the gold coin that Auric called his 'token' and showed it to Dante. "This is the token of the guy named Auric. He seems to know whats going on, what with the multiverse and such. Last time I talked to him he seemed a bit busy though...so basically..."
"Auric's the pony that lives in a golden coin."
Dante wiped his eyes with his coats sleeve, and took a look at the coin "A bit small for a living place dontcha think?" he said, and I could tell he was just putting on a brave front. Trying to act if though he was no longer upset.
"Anyway thanks for that...I needed someone to talk too...now how to repay you..." He massaged his head for a second, looked like he was deep in thought, then snapped his fingers "I know!" He let out a bestial roar, and a burst of air billowed off of him. When I was able to look at him again, he had changed. He had apparently activated his Devil Trigger. His hands were now sleek metal claws, and his coat looked kinda different. "I'll allow you to acquire my demon form!"
"Not really sure that'd work. So far, my morphs seem to be the bare bones original forms. We can still try, though..." I placed a hand on his ... huh. He didn't really have any...flesh in this state. His head looked like a helmet, his eyes a deep yellow. "Not really sure if this is going to work, seeing as you don't have any skin..." I placed a hand on his forehead, and it felt exactly like polished metal. I started, and he actually fell into the acquiring trance. Son of a gun, it actually works on someone.
I removed my hand, but it still took him a couple seconds to shake himself out of his daze. "Isn't that...temporary? Or at the very least limited? And now you've kinda wasted it..." Well, in the games it was on a timer.
"Nah" He just waved it off, "I've mastered the demon form, and can hold, and re use it for weeks at a time...hey did you notice the flux in your natural energy?"
"No, can't say I did." I brought the watch up to take a quick look. Just because I hadn't noticed anything, didn't mean it didn't happen. "Nineteen. So it went up? Wait... did I just suck magic off of you?" I did a double take at my horrible phrasing. "No homo."
He seemed to regain a bit of jovial nature, and laughed it off. "No, the demon form just has an abnormal amount of magic in it so it probably transferred a small amount into you. Keep training that form, and the amount will increase."
"So basically just keep on like I've been doing. You've got a lot in common with Twilight, honestly." I looked at my surroundings, and asked what was on my mind. "So what now?"
"Lemme take a second to figure out how to make a token..." He concentrated for a second, then held out a hand. After a minute of waiting there is a flash, and a silver bell with skulls printed on each face appeared in his hand "Okay now my phrase...Hello I am Dante. Half demon son of Sparda like you I am displaced, and I'm only looking to help. Ring once, and call my Name to summon me...that is all." He then handed the bell to me.
I had to learn that trick. Auric wasn't going to be around to babysit me, and this guy sounded like he had his own suite of problems to deal with. I'd ask Auric to distribute the token(I sure as heck had no idea how to, and I bet this guy didn't either)...when he wasn't busy. He seemed kinda stressed back at the farm...come to think of it, how would one even go about setting water on fire?
I took the bell(The summon he had just chanted echoed in my head. Guess that worked for him.) and tucked it into my pocket. It was surprisingly easy, given the size of the bell.
"And you already have mine. I got no idea how to 'scatter this upon the void' or whatever Auric said," I had chosen to throw up a few 'quotation marks' for my own satisfaction, "But if you want, I could call him once I get back or see if my Twilight knows anything about how to do that. She probably doesn't, though..."
"Oh you gotta summon me to your world one day. It would be epic to see a Equestria that wasn't lead to falsely hate me!"
"I'll definitely call you if I run into a fight. Not sure how everyone would react to you...Annoying Pink would probably get excited over a 'new Wade' or something. If the pink one sets her sight on you, run. She has no sense of personal space, and she'll invite you to a party. If she's at all like mine." I shrugged, not really sure where to go with this. "Its been pretty peaceful so far. Except for Q. Don't mess with Fluttershy, Q will mess you up."
"Q?...you mean Discord? The prick left me to stay petrified! As for the Pinkie one...I kinda always wanted a 'Welcome To Ponyville Party! It was one of my expectations...fucking Celestia..."
"You can take the party if they offer it to you. Knowing the pink one, its only a matter of time. And no, I meant Q. The guy from star trek? I mean, he didn't look like he did on the show, he kinda looked like a horse dragon mishmash. He had a horse head, pony head if you want to be all technical, two mismatched horns, and then four different limbs. He's also super protective of Fluttershy, for some reason."
I paused for a second, gathering my thoughts. "So, what are you going to do about your Celestia? I'm not sure how much help I'd be against something like that. I do know a couple exorcism chants from Supernatural, but even with us running around crazy pony land," I gestured to Dante, " and actual demons being a 'real thing'. Not sure if that'd help."
"I just need to use Yamato to sever the spiritual link between Celly, and the demon, and everything will be fine, and his name is Discord. He is just voiced by the same guy as Q."
"John Delancie voices a guy on My Little Pony? Damn, might have actually watched it if I knew that... So, game plan. You have everything you need to do that?"
"Yep," He said as he drew Yamato, a wicked looking katana.
It was then I felt a pulling, a hook in my midsection. I slipped backwards and....fell out of the universe. Even though I went backward, I still managed to do a ten point landing, right on my face again. It was a slight wonder that I hadn't broken my nose by this point. I was...back in Fluttershy's house. And a broken shaft of wood was sticking into my shoulder.
"Holy shit that's a wicked splinter," I said, wincing as Fluttershy (and Twilight, somehow. Where the heck did she come from?) both gasped in over the top comedic ways. Fluttershy rushed off to get a first aid box as Twilight got up in my face.
"Where were you? Why'd you have to go and worry Fluttershy like that? How did you come back? And...are you allright?" Oh hey, finally a note of concern.
"Well. Besides the horrendous pain in my shoulder, -which somehow hurts less than my face- I'm doing fine. I got a burst of energy while I was over there, so I should be fine."
I started to morph, and felt as the shards of wood started to melt off through my skin. Scales formed and covered me, as my hair shrunk back into my head and hardened. By the end I was a whole, uninjured baby dragon. Fluttershy looked a bit disappointed that I didn't have need for her medical skills, but relieved by that same fact. I was a bit worried about the wood not leaving my shoulder mid morph, but it had all turned out for the best.
"Spike?" Twilight asked. Seems she had forgotten about this morning.
"Yeah, I acquired him this morning, remember? I thought this would be a little less suspicious than another pony walking around without a butt mark, ya know?"
"Cutie mark." Twilight corrected.
"I refuse to call it that. And if me and Spike-"
"Spike and I."she corrected again.
"...Spike and I. If WE were to be seen in the same location, I could just claim to be a relative of his, right?" I looked up at both Twilight and Fluttershy, a thought niggling its way to the forefront of my mind. "Its kinda disconcerting, to be shorter than everyone in the room, though." She laughed at this.
"Well, I'm sure we could say that...Its not like anypony in town has an inkling of draconic biology. You'll have to ask... Pinkie Pie."
"Why would I have to ask Pinkie Pie?" I asked, suddenly feeling a minor weight descend on my shoulders as a familiar envelope dipped down over my head into my line of sight.
"I think that was more of a 'Oh look, there's Pinkie Pie!' instead of an 'Ask Pinkie Pie.' kinda statement. Oh, almost forgot, do you prefer chocolate or vanilla?" Oh hey. Annoying Pink was apparently standing directly over me. On me, actually. Her hooves were placed lightly on my shoulders, her head arched over mine. How she had done that I have no idea, I was standing with my back to a wall. There wasn't a window or door she could have come through, and I think both Fluttershy and Twilight were just as confused as I was.
"Umm...vanilla?" I definitely liked it more than chocolate. But why did she want to know?
"Cool! Oh, and show up as the first pony I saw you as, okay?" She got off of me and walked over to Twilight, leaning over and fake whispering as loud as she could. "We ARE still hiding the existence of huuuuumans, right?" Wait, what? I'd been hiding because I didn't want to create a panic...
"Well, yes. Its a delicate situation. There are some more...radical groups that would probably do something...rash. If they learned that humans weren't just a creature from mythology, but walking among us. No offense Wade, its honestly for your benefit above all else." Well then. glad to see that not only humans could be the ones to go gonzo over new things. Hell, if a pony showed up in Michigan, it'd probably be dissected before the day was out.
"No offense taken. So, whats my cover story? Even if I morph the wonder twins, I'll still be lacking the butt mark. And you're crazy if you think I'll just be going around town all the time as that. The second I get a male morph," I paused, to gesture at my current form, "current one excluded, I mean a pony version. The second I get one I'm comfortable with, that'll be my main go to."
"Actually, about that. I was actually thinking that your cover story could be that you had an accident concerning changeling magic. That would explain why you'll randomly look like other ponies, and why you don't have a cutie mark. Unfortunately," she paused, watching as Pinkie Pie bounced out the open door. Off to do who knows what. "We had to include another pony in this deception. She was more than happy to help, but its still another pair of lips that could blab. So try and remember your cover story."
I looked at her for a few seconds. "Which is? Besides the bare bones explanation, cause you know everyone is going to be asking beyond that point."
"Oh! You've lived in Manehatton for your entire life, you worked at the Center for Changelings Relations, a magic spell went awry, which is why you can't keep your original form. We'll explain how you used to be male, but because of the changelings in question involved with the spell(which by the way, is how we're going to explain the multilingual spell.) you're now in a semi constant state of flux. Which is why you're in Ponyville, seeing as there's an alicorn and the previous queen of the changelings here, Princess Celestia has given us leave to 'assist' you in returning to normal. Is that satisfactory?"
Well. That was a huge lie. This had a HUGE chance of blowing up in our faces. As long as it came from their lips, and not mine. "As long as you're the one to say it. I don't have to go to whatever crazy shindig she has planned, do I?"
"Trust me, its better if you go, otherwise she'll hound you for it." Well, shit.
I opened the letter with a claw, drawing a sheaf of paper from its depths. With it came an explosion of confetti and...cake batter? Whatever. The letter denoted a surprise party(What was the point of announcing a surprise party?) that was to take place..."Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?" Twilight and Fluttershy copied, in unison.
"Yeah. At least I have some down time. Can I go now?" This seemed to surprise them both, but they both gave me a nod.
Where DOES the time go? I went back to Twilights castle, and spent the rest of the day reading my kindle. Twilight had spazzed out about it once she got back, going on and on and ON about the implications of a device that could hold hundreds of books. Thank goodness she couldn't read anything on it, so I got to hold onto it. I'd felt sick after dinner, but I'd managed to hold it down. I had a good sleep, although I was woken up in the middle of the night by a HORRENDOUS snoring. It was coming from the direction of Twilights room, but I refuse to believe such sounds could come from someone so dainty and female.
By morning she was a chipper little filly, and I was a grumpy little jerk. She left before long with spike(I don't know what she was doing, I never really asked.) I didn't want to spend my day cooped up inside. I morphed Flutterbat, and headed over to the farm.(Raritys 'depression coat' wrapped around me) Applejack and her brother were too busy to interact with me, but Applejack said I could help out if I wanted to. I tried for a bit, learning how to kick trees. (she called it bucking. weird.) I managed to work up a bit of a sweat, and also managed to almost break my leg. It hurt, anyway. An effusive apology from Applejack, a morph back and another back to wondertwins, and I was on my way. She surprisingly hadn't mentioned anything about the barn. Odd.
I walked back to Twilights castle, to see if I could scrounge up any lunch. To my surprise, however, I walked into my own surprise party. (haha, surprise. haha.) I was understandably freaked out at first, until Twilight introduce me. She stuck to my...unique cover story, and I actually got sympathetic looks all around. I have to say, I wasn't at all comfortable in this kind of situation. Everyone was LOOKING AT ME. IT WAS AWKWARD AS HELL. Pinkie Pie had the gall to drag me around and introduce me to everyone. I swear, if I heard one more person say anything along the lines of "Oh you poor dear", or "Its going to be okay" or even god forbid the skirted around but still popular "is everything...you know, still there?" I swear I would have screamed.
I met some interesting people though. A store owner that ran a 'quills and sofas' store. A lady that WAS a mayor, and was NAMED Mayor Mare. Can't imagine how awkward that one must have been growing up. Twilight, it turns out, was not the only 'alicorn'(I'm still going to call them pegacorns. Alicorn just sounds silly) living in the town. A crosseyed lady who proclaimed herself to be the 'Princess of Muffins' worked as a mailmare for the local postal service.(she handed me the most delicious muffin. From outta nowhere. I should stop being surprised by this place.)
As the night went on, Pinkie Pie continued to try and get me converse with people. She kept on pushing me to partake in various games, and to eat more food than what I weighed.
All in all, I was very uncomfortable. I eventually snuck away, secreting myself away in my little guest room Twilight oh so helpfully provided. I was really going to have to get a job or something, I couldn't just keep leaching off of her hospitality.
"Did you not like my party?" came the dispondant voice from behind me.
I whirled on my hooves, and actually managed to keep my balance. Pinkie Pie was sitting on the bed, a sad look upon her face. Gone was her traditional smile, replaced with a deep frown. In a word, she looked broken.
"I...didn't like it. No." Her face fell even further." But I appreciate the effort you took to make me feel welcome. Its just that...I don't do well with large crowds. I'm antisocial at best, and you thrust me out of my comfort zone, that's all. Truly, I appreciate the effort. Thank you." At least she didn't look like I had kicked a puppy in front of her. With a sad smile, followed by a quick hug, she left.
I went to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow would be less eventful.
I hate studying. I LOVE reading. If you let me, I could be seen reading anything from a fiction tale about the Kingdom of Xanth, to a compendium of greek myths. Being told to read a specific thing though, that's horrible. Even if I wanted to read it, being told to just makes me not want to. Guess I have a bit of a stubborn, antagonistic side.
So here I was, poring over forms and historic documents, learning all about my 'job' as an employee of the Center of Changeling Relations. And seeing as I couldn't read anything in Equish or Unicorne(yeah, I think its a stupid punny name), I had to have a proxy read it all to me. Enter Queen Chrysalis. Ex Queen Chrysalis. Whatever. Turns out she was the one Twilight had been hinting at before, when she said she had included 'another person in on the ruse'. Chrysalis was...intense. Happy one moment, serious another. Confusing, really.
After Twilight informed Celestia about my cover story, she jumped on the bandwagon wholeheartedly. All employees at the CCR have been sworn to secrecy, and I'm supposed to go meet them later this week. So yeah, the princess of the sun, great and wise leader that she is, just made me, an antisocial wad of a human being, an employee at an institution that FOCUSES on interacting with other people. If she wasn't apparently an immortal with better things to do(Twilight claimed she and her sister were over a thousand years old), I would have sworn she was trolling me.
Bah. The history was kinda interesting, I guess. Changelings feed on emotion, love in particular. As such, (coupled with the fact that they look like bug ponies, seriously they look really scary) ,most folk shied away from, even running away in fear at the sight of them. They couldn't feed off love from another changeling, so they were starving. At three years ago, pretty much every hive had died off, leaving a certain Queen Chrysalis with less than 400 of her children alive. An entire race, nearly starved to extinction. Again with Queen Chrysalis(and yes, every mention of her has the 'queen' capitalized. I don't know why.), she had gone crazy from hunger(having refused to eat while her children starved) and ordered what was left of her brood to attack Canterlot and steal love from the inhabitants. This of course was a horrendous idea, having so many holes in the logic you could have called it swiss cheese. The moment they attacked, they turned all the love from the citizens into hate and fear. Couple that with the fact that their invasion failed, they were all the more closer to extinction. Shortly after, she regained her sanity in what she thought would be her final days, and flew straight into the throne room of Princess Celestia( startling a large number of ponies gathered there for the day court, and causing Celestia strain a wing from jumping into a defensive combat form). Begging her to help her children, regardless of whatever consequences she had incurred, as long as they only be met upon herself for her actions. Princess Celestia was understandably wary, but over time true relations were established.
They had since integrated into the rest of society, but there was still as of yet tension between them and the rest of Equestria. I guess regardless of the populace(even freakishly friendly pastel ponies), someone who looks different will be feared, and hated, for no more reason than the fact that they can. Celestia had collaborated with the current queen of the changelings(Queen Insectum) to form the CCR, which apparently had the joint task of promoting harmony between the races, and preventing bigotry and violence. Among other things.
"Pay attention, youngling!" my least favorite queen yelled, throwing an eraser at my head with her magic. We'd been going over the earlier history of when she was still a princess,(apparently she was an immortal as well, seeing as this was over a thousand years ago.), and I have to say. I was booooored. Even her girlfriend was bored, seeing as she was...yeah, she was eating a curtain. That in itself might have been odd, but the fact that she was hanging from it as I could hear her chewing it, that just threw it out into the left field of weird.
"I was," I lied badly, gaining a raised eyebrow from her queenship.
"No you were not, you were staring at...Flufflepuff, stop eating Twilights curtains. I swear, you act so foalish sometimes." The giant ball of fluffy pink pony(no relation to Pinkie Pie, thank god) stopped chewing on the curtain and dropped to the floor. She then squeaked at Chrysalis, walked close, kissed her full on the lips, and then scooted out the door(back legs puttering along, her front legs just sliding on the floor with the main of her body).
"Do I really have to know all this? Its not like I'm actually going to be working at the CCR, am I?"
"Knowing the Princess, you just might be. Also, what if somepony inquires further on your, ahem, cover story? If you aren't able to back it up, you might very well cause more trouble than you intend. Both to your own standing and to that of those that have vouched for you. Understand?"
Bah. how dare she counter with sound logic. How come I couldn't have gotten the version of her that had gone for a vanilla unicorn, instead of trying to eat from the 'princess of love'? As far as I could see, that had been one of her biggest logic fallicies.
"Yes ma'am."
"Allright then. In 408 A.N.(After the Nightmare), a warring hive was killed off by a sect of Griffons. Pretty foalish, they attacked them first. In the end-"
Gooooooooooooooooooooood god this was so freaking boring. And she just went ON and ON like this for hours. I could have done something, ANYTHING else to just ebb my boredom. Eventually night fell, and she left. At least I got SOMETHING cool out of this. I asked if I could make a hybrid morph of her and...Flufflepuff(I swear, some of the names here are just god awful. A prepubescent girl chugging a gallon of estrogen supplements a day couldn't come up with some of these). They actually were pretty excited about it(something about an illegitimate baby. Maybe something to do with them both being mares. As far as I could figure, they'd have to adopt to get a baby. But hey, maaaagic.), and let me get my morph. It didn't turn out as cool as I would have liked, but it was still angular and spiffy. The body was still changeling, all glossy plates of chitin. It was however, pink. A deep glossy and dark pink, but pink nonetheless. No holes in the legs, horn or otherwise, but the angles still looked pretty badass. It had wings along with the horn, and thankfully the wings weren't pink. They were a metallic blue, and were insectile. I still had yet to fly(and with my fear of heights, I plan never to cross that bridge.) with Flutterbats leathery wings, but in my opinion these looked awesome. I was almost as big as Twilight.
They had both squealed in girlish hysteria, and I unfortunately spent the next few minutes fending off the two of them. Something about wanting to adopt me. creepy. After that mess was hashed out(explaining that I already had a family, but I'm fairly certain they were only joking) they tried to get me to use changeling magic. Simply enough said, that was a bust. I stood there shaking like a leaf, trying to get something to happen(didn't help that Chysalis's only advice was 'feel it, and just change'.), but the only thing I could get in the realm of results was another round of 'use horn to lift tiny objects with maximum effort'. Was this ever going to get any easier?
They eventually left, and I was left to my own devices once again. For a while, before Twilight intervened and started asking me questions. I didn't even notice at first, seeing as I had my earbuds in(Skullcandies. Noise canceling, darned good quality for what they were. Best $16 I ever spent).
"WADE!" she shouted, leaning into my line of sight, scaring the bejesus out of me. I may or may not have let out an extremely feminine sounding yelp. I wouldn't know, I couldn't hear it over the beating of my heart.
"Sheesh Twilight," I said, taking out my buds, "Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Whats with the yelling?"
"I'm sorry, but you weren't responding to me, for a minute there I thought something was wrong with you..."
I grabbed one bud inbetween my fingers, and motioned it to her. "Earbuds. They fill the ear canal, and block outside sound. Couldn't hear you, I was listening to music."
"Music? But wheres the tape reel, or the record player? How does it play music? Why are the headphones so small? Why-" I cut her off, sticking my hand into her mouth. She gagged after a second, and forced my hand out with her hooves. "ew ew ew ew ew, now my mouth tastes like ink, ew ew ew eeuck." Oh yeah, I had been handling paper and books all day. My fingers were almost black with ink.
"Thats your own fault for channeling your inner Pinkie Pie. If you want me to answer anything, don't rapid fire them at me. K?"
She finished wiping her tongue off with her foreleg. "Fine. How is it playing music, it didn't look like you have a trotmare or anything like that..."
I held up what my earbuds were plugged into, my Phillips Gogear. A small little block of white plastic, no bigger than a pack of tick tacs. Not as illustrious as an Ipod, but it still played mp3's just as well. Held about 4 gigs of songs, too. "Firstly, I think my worlds closest comparison to your...ahem...'trotmare' would be a walkman. Magnetic strip of tape that it reads from, cycled between two spinning wheels?" She nodded at my description, confirming my suspicions. They had tapes? That meant they could have movies too, maybe this wouldn't be a horribly boring world after all.
"Well humans have progressed quite a bit past that, DON'T bother asking me how it works, I don't know. This," I jiggled the Go Pro in front of her face, "Is an mp3 player. Don't ask me what an mp3 is either, all I know is that its a type of format that they're recorded on, or at, or something. Currently, this device is holding...a little over a thousand songs." Hey eyes went wide, and it was the damned kindle all over again. She went on and on about 'how much of a scientific breakthrough this could be', and even asked if she could take my player apart. I declined, as politely as I could. I wasn't going to let her break it, especially seeing as she more than likely wouldn't know how to put it back together.
She then compared the audio jack to equestrian headphones, seeing as my earbuds weren't exactly made for equine ears in mind. The jack was longer, and thicker than mine.(sexual innuendo aside...) She asked if she could cut off the end of my headphones, to see if she could make it compatible. Another hell no from me. She was starting to get all frowny from me constantly rebuking her.
So I cycled through my songs, finally settling on one called Grey Octave(I shared my player with my sister, she was putting unfamiliar stuff on it all the time.), and pushed play. Putting my earbuds between my middle fingers and my ring fingers, I cupped my hands over Twilights ears. She went stiff as a board, her eyes twitching and looking all around. after a minute or so, I removed my hands, to Twilights protests.
"No! Put them back, it's just getting good!" Oh great. another aspect she was going to be all so insistent on.
"Sorry, but seeing as I'm really the only one that I can use it, I'd like to try to preserve the battery life...which is still at 100%. Odd." While it could go for over 8 hours, it couldn't go on indefinitely.
"But...fine. If I can replicate a cable that can interface with it, can I try it?" I didn't see any problem with that...Unless...
"If you break it, you have to make me a new one."
"Terms accepted!" She chirped, a grin wide on her face. "Oh, I almost forgot, I just got word from the princess, We're expected at the Center for Changeling Relations first thing tomorrow morning, so grab your bag, we're going to Canterlot tonight."
Well. I kinda was hoping on a longer time to study. Great, now I was gonna end up making a fool of myself in front of my new 'coworkers'. Oh well. Maybe it would just be introductory.
"Really? Couldn't have given me a shorter warning?"
"I just learned myself, now come on, we don't want to be late.The last train leaves in seventeen minutes."
We arrived two hours later, around 10. It was dark, and there was almost no one around. Save for the three guard ponies that were waiting at the platform for us. One was an old pegasus, with a jet black body, and green hair. One was a younger earth stallion(he was obviously new, whereas the other two had a stoic look about them, he was nervously looking around and bouncing on his hooves to stay warm) with a peach colored coat, and soft blue hair. The last was an average looking unicorn, both his coat and hair a different shade of dark blue.
"Greetings," came from the pegasus, a deep gravely voice I wouldn't be surprised to see come from the lips of a soldier from Gears of War(it was manly. Don't question it) "We were sent by Princess Celestia to escort you to your guest room(yeah, he said room. Not rooms. This was gonna be awkward), and have been made privy of details about you.(Twilight had already told me that, so I thought I'd give my human legs a stretch, seeing as the only people out and about to see me already knew about me) You can't traverse the city in that form, there ARE still some out and about."
"Told you," said a certain snarky dragon. "Pay up."
I had bet him five bits that no one would be around once we got there. Jokes on him though, because I- "Don't have any bits. Will you accept an IOU?"
"...Fine"
"You are the human, Wade?"
"Yes?" I answered. Sorta. I had a questioning tone, because I wasn't really sure what he was asking me. He had already confirmed I was the human by his earlier remark, so why was he asking?
"We understand you have yet to gain a male...morph?" Spike gave a derisive snort. "The Princess asked of us, and we three have agreed to volunteer our services."
Oh goody. I could now get three new morphs, all male! Or...I could make a hybrid morph, so I wouldn't be stepping on anyones toes...hooves. I could tell that even though they were offering, they were kinda uncomfortable about this.
"Well thank you for your...services. Mind if I try something new?"
Well now, I apparently confused all three of them.
"Just let me touch all three of your hooves, at the same time. I made a two pony mix the first day I got here, and then I made a mix between a bat and a pony. I wanna see if I can make a three way mix. This way, I won't go around looking like any of you three in particular, okay? And by the way, my name is Wade Jallecks. Nice to make your acquaintance." I extended a hand, and their apprehension of me visibly drained away.
"I am Captain Air Razor you may call me Slash if you wish." The jet black pegasus extended a hoof, and placed it on my outstretched palm.
"Hello sir, my name is Grinding Gear, and I'm a private." The skittish earth pony placed his hoof on top of my palm, but there wasn't much room. I'd have to hold the next one in my other hand.
"I am last? How unelegant."spouted the trim unicorn in a clipped accent. "I am 2nd Lieutenant Elegy Esper, at your service. A shame, I welcomed having a visage of myself I could actually inspect from all sides. Mirrors are just so inefficient. Stationary, you know?"
He placed his hoof in my left hand, and I began the acquiring process. Both Air Razor and Elegy Esper weren't effected by the trance state(big shocker, I know) but Grinding Gear went full on slack-jawed, drool pooling out of his mouth and such. He shook himself of the daze, and I released their hooves.
A minute later they looked on at me in confusion, and more than just a little bit of disappointment.
"What."
"Well sir...its just... we thought you were going to..." Gear trailed off as I held up a claw.
A purple claw. Yeah, I went with my Spike morph. "I'm not going to waste the suspense. I assume you three will be escorting us tomorrow?" a round of nods, Gear's slightly delayed. "Then you'll get to see it in the morning. Shall we get going, brother?" I waved a claw back at Spike, who had kept silent during this discussion. He giggled at my statement, and leapt forward, down the street.
"Spike, wait! We can't run off without them, wait!" Silly purple pegacorn.
We ended up all sleeping in the same room. I made a pile of pillows and blankets on the floor, and as far as I know Spike and Twilight cuddled together. It was quite comfortable, and I didn't take up much room in my Spike morph. Maybe I should call this form something different? Barb? Nah, that sounds like a girls name. I'll think of something.
I fell asleep quickly, and woke up just as quick. Apparently I'm a heavy sleeper though, because I woke up to the snorting giggles of a certain lavender colored pegacorn.
"Ohmygosh, don't move! Lemme get my camera!"
I was told not to move. So I wriggled around, trying to free myself from the blankets ensnaring me. It was in my efforts I became aware of a warm mass of scales curled against my side. Apparently Spike had sleepwalked, and joined my nest in the middle of the night. I didn't mind, it was a source of warmth, it felt like a little brother. Well, seeing as we were both the same size, I'm not sure how accurate that last statement is. Twin brother? Bah. I digress.
"Say cheeeeese~"
"Gorgonzola." I managed not to grimace or smile in the picture, getting a perfectly neutral look across as Spike drooled on my shoulder. Gross.
I disentangled myself from the sleeping dragon and mass of blankets, and demorphed. I was all the way up to 38, according to my watch. Guess I had built my reserves up a little. Yay.
"I'll never get used to that." Thanks Twilight, lord knows I want to feel like the freak in the land of talking unicorns.
"Well thank goodness 'I' don't have to watch it..." see, I can be snarky too. I started to morph, concentrating on the three from last night.
"Did...you pick up a fourth when I wasn't looking?"
"Fourth what?" I said, my voice warbling with an artificial quality. Well that was weird. Lifting up a hoof I could also see it was covered...in a shell. Chitin, to be exact. "Well. Guess one of our guards is a changeling. Wanna place bets on whom? I bet 5 bits that its Gear. He seemed flighty."
"Well. I guess that's to be expected. Its not that surprising in the end. And no, I'd rather you not owe both Spike and I an IOU. But if we were going to be betting, my bits would be on Air Razor."
"Any particular reason?"
"No. Would you like a mirror?"
I took a couple seconds to think, then nodded. She lit up her horn and one popped in with a burst of air. I looked... odd. I had a kinda normal head, a masculine muzzle covered in fur/hair. Sprouting from my brow was a crooked, arching horn, covered in a light fuzz of purple. Oh yeah. Apparently peach, black, and blue makes purple. Same darn shade as Twilight, to boot. my body was thinner that Air Razor's or Gears, making me think it was more heavily based off of Elegy's. Covering my chest all the way up to my neck, down to my armpits(frontal legpits?) and ending just before my pelvis was a sheet of darkened chitin that was only a slightly darker shade than my...coat. Hair on my head and tail was a slightly lighter shade. Odd. From the 'knee' downwards my legs were also covered in chitin. I also had hot pink wings. Wonderful. At least the Chryslpuff morph had cool looking wings.
"My tail feels...weird."
"How so?"
"It feels thicker? I guess?" I made a conscious effort to twist it around to where I could inspect it. The hair on it draped away from the tip of the nub or whatever. It seemed a little longer than most pony morphs. On the end...was that a-
"Sweet Celestia that's a stinger. One of them is a changeling king?" Well, that was new. I think I like seeing Twilight look utterly confused.
"King? I thought...the books you gave me said they all died out..." At the very least, they never said anything about one living in Canterlot.
"Well, all the known ones are dead. That being said, they ARE a sect of changelings. If they didn't want to be found, I don't think they would be."
"Twilight...why am I on the floor?" Spike had apparently joined us in the land of the living, and suddenly upon seeing me jumped a whole six feet off the ground and scattered the blankets. After a short explanation as to who I was(and a quick laugh at his panic) we had that sorted out.
After cleaning up after ourselves( my blankets, folded up nicely in a pile, the bed made up to perfection) we went down to a lunch hall. Our three guards had led us to an opulent hall connected to the main castle. There were ponies of all kinds being served from a selection of waiters(there were more females than males, but I always called them waiters regardless). After eating some sort of pasta dish, (that's what I had, Twilight had some sort of soup, and Spike just ate a bowl of gems) We were greeted outside the hall by a trio of familiar guardsponies. Air Razor had a shit eating grin creeping across his face(thank god Twilight didn't agree to the bet, I have a feeling i would have lost), and the other two had a look of surprise at my insectoid appearance.
"Well, that certainly is a surprise. I would have thought you would have mimicked what Air Razor looked like, not his actual species... Still, the overall appearance is one of elegant cohesion, if I do say so myself." Great, this guy was like a male version of Rarity. Maybe I should set them up? Nah.
"Have to say, it is rather interesting to look at." Air Razor rubbed a foreleg to his jaw.
"Its...certainly...different?" came the timid comment from Grinding Gear.
"It was a bit of a surprise. Almost as if SOMEONE was withholding certain information. And here I was thinking it was Gear. Oh well. Shall we get going?"
It was a short trek to the CCR, a tall building nestled in between the Center for Rodentia Ramifications, and the Center for Proper Airflow in Ponies Houses(Don't look at me, I couldn't come up with something so stupid if I tried). It was an ugly shade of green, almost like the shade you'd have someone describe as 'swamp'. Without further fanfare, we entered the CCR.
I promptly ran headlong into the familiar feathery wall of a wing of our favorite princess of the sun. (I could have sworn there was nothing in front of me as I walked in the door, I call hax.)
"Greetings Wade, I trust your escorts treated you cordially?" She said in a happy, almost laughing tone. Again, if she wasn't some sort of immortal that obviously had better things to do, I would have sworn she was messing with me.
"Bleeeeuugh," I stated, spitting out a white feather. Could have sworn my mouth was closed too. "Got a lot of stares, but with them tagging along," I pointed at the trio, "no one bothered us, if that's what you're asking."
I made a sharp nod towards Air Razor, "If I had known you were sending me someone so darned cool to acquire though, I would have gotten him separately. Still," I waved a chitin encased hoof at the solar diarch, "I can't argue with the results."
"Glad to hear. In our defense, I didn't expect you to get them...all in one go."
"Our? Oh wait, that's the royal we, isn't it? My apologies." I managed to avert my eyes, and even though I could tell I was blushing, at least it wasn't too severe. Last thing I wanted to do was make a fool out of myself in front of one of the most powerful people in the land. All though, I think I kinda already did that, what with the whole fainting dinner fiasco.
"No, as the case may be. While my sister still employs the Royal We, I have since times of old abandoned it. I meant myself, and Queen Insectum." She pointed to a place in my blind spot. Great, I not only managed to embarrass myself in front of one member of royalty, but two. All in the same day. Wonderful.
Turning my head I saw...a younger, smaller, blue tinted version of Chrysalis. Only slightly smaller. Whereas Chrysalis was almost the same size as Celestia, Insectum was right smack dab in the middle of that and how big Twilight was.
"Salutations young one(great, were all members of royalty ancient immortals or something? I wonder if her mother told her to call me that...), We have been waiting for your arrival." With a flare of her wings, she nodded.
"A...pleasure to meet you, your highness." How was one supposed to treat royalty? I hope I didn't incur the wrath of one of them, for some random stupid glance or gesture I didn't realize was an affront. Maybe I should just try not to move as much as possible.
"As is for us." She gave me a critical once over as she stalked around me. It was kinda creepy, like I was being looked at like a piece of meat. "A shame he is not a true changeling king... A true shame." She said with a small, wistful sigh.
Not even then, your insectness. I suppressed a shudder, would be a a bummer if I upset her over something so trivial.
"Well, as much as I would LOVE for the conversation to stay on that point," I directed a pleading glance at Celestia. "I assume you didn't just come by to say hi to little ol' me, did you?"
"Alas, no. It just so happens we have a foreign dignitary visiting today, which is the reason for your arrival having come sooner than was previously expected. Xadre and Tolesc are from Zimbobneigh, and they are in Equestria to negotiate living conditions and immigration concerns. They've shown extreme disdain for changelings in the past, so I'd like to see what they say when they think I'm not listening. If you would just leave the talking to me, so they don't expect anything?" I didn't really get it, but okay.
Soon enough, the 'dignitaries' arrived, a couple of camel looking folk. They had sweeping robes of blue and black, like something you'd find in a fantasy game. All swirling runes and sorts embroidered on the hems. They both looked friendly enough, wide smiles plastered across their faces as they both drew a foreleg across their chests and bowed. So far I couldn't see this going south. Good.
"Gooreetinks, Miss Soolestia. Eet ees a voonderful oonar to be har," The male counterpart said, his voice dripping with an accent I couldn't place.
"Eet ees gyood to haff yew, Chanceller Tolesc." Well that was odd. Now it was Celestia talking in the broken accent.
"Come now Princess, I've said time and again, that you don't have to stoop to our language. We are perfectly willing to speak Equestrian whilst within your borders." Tolesc said, in perfect English without a hint of accent I could place.
Celestia gave a slightly confused look, and this Tolesc character gave a short laugh.
"My. Ap-ol-o-gies. Celestia. You. Do. Not. Have. To. Try. To. Speak. To. Me. In Our. Lang-ua-ge." He was talking in a slow, deliberate sense. Wait, so they were speaking yet another foreign dialect? Apparently one that Celestia wasn't all that familiar with. "I. Am. Per-fect-ly. Com-fort-able. Speak-ing. Eques-trian. I. Know. How. Hard. It. Is. For. You. To. Foll-ow. The. Fast. Pace. Of. Our. Lang-ua-ge."
"As long as you are comfortable, Ser Tolesc."
"Vee harr cyoomfortable regardless. Plus this way," He switched back into the accentless dialect, "The ugly little cocroaches won't know how we feel about them. Disgusting little insects, pretending to be ponies." he directed towards his companion, who stifled a giggle.
He walked up to Queen Insectum, and did another bow. "Heet ees a pleesure tyo finally meet yew, Herr Insectum. You abhorrant blight of an abomination."
"I have killed for less a slight, you hump backed foal." Queen Insectum stated, her voice dripping with venom.
"What? I...how..."
"Multilingual translation spell." Celestia stated, all hints of humor washed from her voice.
Tolesc cowered away, and Celestia took a step forward.
Well, that went well. The ambassadors apologized profusely, and ended up signing whatever the Center asked them to. All in all, it ended well.
I was led around after that, and introduced to my 'co-workers' that I had been 'working with' for the past 'few years'. A griffon by the name of Thrash, a naga(half pony, with the bottom half of a snake) by the name of Wilting Glory, an earth pony by the name of Black Anne Blue, and a changeling called Balaan. They were all rather nice, introducing me to the workplace. I apparently was a 'clerk', whose main job had been paperwork. Just like home.
"And this, purple one, is the watercooler. It allows us to sustain ourselves with its precious liquid." Wilting Glory said, gesturing to the water cooler in a comedic fashion. "We don't really have a lot going on here. What you see is what you get."
"What we have is AWESOME though!" Thrash almost shouted, flinging an arm around my neck and hoisting me up.
"Leggo, leggo, can't...breathe..."
"Sorry lil' buddy, forget my own strength sometimes." he set me back down, and proceeded to smooth out the feathers on his head. "Can't help being as AWESOME as I am, though. It's just in my nature."
"Ignore Thrash, he's an idiot." Black Anne Blue said, waving her hoof dismissively. "If you ever need to ask us anything, don't hesitate. We're here to help!"
"The bonus stipend that has been awarded to us for our co-operation also has this one willing to assist." Balaan was...well he kinda sounded like a robot. Toneless, emotionless.
"Geeze, really Balaan, do you have ANY tact?" Wilting Glory whined at him.
"This one is simply being honest. Is not Honesty a crucial aspect of magic? That is, at the least, what all have told this one."
"Gaaaaaaah, there's honesty, and then there's saying what doesn't need to be said."
"Is that not simply a lie of omission?"
"AGH, you are impossible sometimes, Balaan."
"This one is simply Balaan. Always possible, always Balaan. To be impossible would make this one, one that is not Balaan."
Well I couldn't fault his reasoning. It sounded sound to me. They certainly were a quirky group, arguing back and forth like a well knit family. They seemed like the best of friends, joking and messing with each other. Thrash picked up Wilting Glory, and started throwing her up in the air despite her protests. This all continued for another hour, until Queen Insectum declared that she had to leave. We all said our goodbyes, and eventually left the CCR. Celestia pulled me to the side, and handed (hoofed?) me something.
"A... medal? Whats it say, if anything?"
"This is a badge denoting your position in the government, if you accept such a position. After seeing the effectiveness of whatever spell is attached to you, I believe your presence would help immeasurably in any upcoming functions. The language barrier is one least easily overcome, and as it stands a magority of the heads of different unions and countries have yet to all meet together due to this barrier. I plan on inviting all those that are able to attend to the next Grand Galloping Gala. " She floated a golden ticket out of thin air, placing in in my hoof as well. "And I would be most grateful if you would attend as well."
"That...still doesn't answer my question, Princess. Whats the medal say? And whats this position of whatever you're talking about?"
"My apologies, young one." Son of...were they ALL going to start pulling age on me? "It says, Negotiation is Understanding. I am asking you to take the title of Royal Diplomat of the Diarchy."
Well. That's...um...how the hell am I supposed to respond to that? Guess there's really only one thing to say. I never had much in the way of titles(save for a time in high school when the nickname 'Wade the Gay'd' circulated before some poor girl named Cindy accidentally had a period soak through her pants. That bit of gossip went around for a whole freaking year.) so actually...this might be kinda cool.
"Well, I can't really refuse, can I? I happily accept."
Twilight looked over the lip of the book she had levitated in front of her muzzle, and gave me an amused grin. "It's a title attached to an agreement of fealty. Did you even read any of the papers she gave you?"
I hadn't. Couldn't really, but that was beside the point. "Can't read Unicron, remember?"
"Unicorne. It has a silent sylable on the end," she corrected me. Wait...I said uniCRON. What the hell did a silent sylable have to do with anything?
"I couldn't read it, regardless. Is it still a legally binding contract or whatever? I thought I'd be getting at least a few diplomatic immunities or something cool like that..."
"According to your cover story, you're a legal citizen of Equestria. You'd have trouble convincing anypony that you'd deserve foreign dignitary status. Although technically you are an ambassador from a previously undiscovered nation...In the end it doesnt matter. You signed the papers she hoofed you without taking precautions that would allow you to understand them. You willingly took the badge of office, without understanding the responsibilities that came with it. So congratulations. You now LEGALLY have to go running at the princesses beck and call. Could have had me simply read the papers off to you but nooooooo, 'it's fine Twilight, I don't need to read anything, that'd be not foalish of me at ALL, It's not like this could go wrong or anything'. Reap what you sow, as the saying goes." She finished with a upward curling of the edges of her mouth, visibly supressing a giggle.
"I didn't say that," I snapped.
"I was paraphrasing." She retorted.
All in all, it was just a fancy title. I couldn't get away with any minor crimes, I couldn't arrest anyone, regardless if they were doing something wrong or not. I didn't get any funding or anything like that. I was legally allowed to act as a mediator between two parties on behalf of the diarchy, but that was pretty much it. As far as I could figure, anyway. Twilight had resolutely refused to help me after the fact, saying it was my 'own darn fault for acting so foalhardy'. According to her, if I wanted someone to help me figure out what was written on the forms I had been given, I'd have to ask one of the others. Or learn how to read it.
"What...is that?" she asked, wrinkling her nose. Muzzle. Snout? whatever.
"What is what?"
"That smell. Is that..." She set her book down, and stalked closer to me with her nostrils flaring. "Oh sweet Celestia, its you! When was the last time you bathed?"
Oh. I guess I was kind of ripe. "Uhm...when did I get here?"
"Six days ago. Thats just disgusting."
"Uhm...two...days before that?" I muttered, avoiding the dissaproving glare I was being drilled with.
"Thats...BATH. NOW." She pointed a hoof towards the maze of hallways.
"And change into what, exactly? Its not like I planned on coming to horseland and packed extra pants and underwear."
"You don't have to wear clothes-"
"Oh ho yes I freaking do." I snapped, cutting her off. "Its kind of a social taboo for my species to walk around naked. You have no idea how uncomfortable it is for me watching all of you walking around without a single scrap of cloth to hide your private parts. Humans only get naked when they're about to have sex, or when they're in the privacy of their own homes..." To her credit, she did blanch at this.
"We do too wear...you thought we just walked around without ANY modesty?"
"...yes? I can tell you aren't wearing anything right now-"
"Yes I am." She stated snootily.
"Really. Cause from where I'm standing, it looks like you're buck naked."
"Buck? What does kicking trees have to do with this? Anyway, I'm wearing overwear, see?" She dragged a hoof along her side, pulling up a strap on her hindquarters. She released it, and the band dissapeared again. "They're designed not to be obtrusive."
"Allright, fine, you aren't naked. You're wearing magical underwear-"
"Overwear."
"...UNDERwear, that only makes it LOOK like you're naked. Woop de do. That still doesn't help me any. As I said, I don't have a change of clean clothes, so taking a bath wouldn't help the smell any. Maybe I could get Auric to make me some clothes..." If the twerp would actually answer any of my calls. I had tried seven more times to get his attention, but as of yet he hadn't seen fit to respond.
"Guh! Really, so theres NO way you'll forgo clothes, all because of some sort of petty pride?"
"More shame than pride, honestly." What was so hard to understand about that?
"FINE, take this," she levitated a handful(hoof full?) of bits over to me, "Go over to Rarity's and get her to make you a couple spares, since you NEED them so bad. Don't bother coming back unless you abandon your 'clothes pride', cause I don't want you smelling like that," she waved a hoof at me, "in my house."
"Well as long as its YOUR money, I guess I can't really complain, now can I?"
"Go on, get."she waved a hoof at me, returning her attention to her book.
There was no inspiration to be had! She had finished all of her backlogged orders, and even had time to work on her personal projects, but...but...BUT! Her muse was silent. Her quill without ink! The colors of the world had grown dark for her. In a word? She was bored. She couldn't think of anything new to writ to the page. Maybe a customer would come along and need her expertise, save her from this nightmare?
Rarity turned her gaze towards the door of the boutique, willing the door to open. Nothing.
"Oh, pooh. Will not a valiant knight arrive to save me in my darkest hour?" she recited, casting a leg above her head in a dramatic fashion.
The door remained steadfastedly shut. And nopony even so much as knocked on it!
"Drat. Well that was fruitless. I suppose...I could always go and see what the others are up to." Rarity let out a low sigh. Applejack was undoubtably sweating in the marketplace under the midday sun, selling her families wares. Not her scene, at all. Perhaps she could bring her a sun umbrella, to help her keep cool? No, she'd most likely simply refuse it anyway, saying it was 'driving off customers' or some other excuse.
Rainbow Dash would be a pointless attempt as well. She'd just want to fly around, and even if she did manage to get Rainbow Dash to accept a new hairdoo, it would be ruined in only a few minutes, with the way she flew.
Twilight was playing caterer to the human, Wade. She hadn't exactly left a faverable impression that night, caterwauling on and on after the poor dear had up and fainted. Thank goodness the human had been for all intents and purposes asleep, if that had been the impression she had left on him, he probably would never want to see her again. And then she'd never get a closer look at the clothes he had been wearing~
She had only gotten a slight look when he had transformed(and such a GHASTLY method as well, Rarity had been sure she was almost sick at one point.) but the very fact that he wore full length clothing was in itself a curriosity.
The front door slammed open, shaking Rarity from her thoughts. Was it a customer? A friend? A newcomer to thrust her out of her inspirationless funk?
"Rarity! Are you in here?" Oh. No, it was only her sister.
"Right here, Sweetiebelle." Rarity called, waving a hoof at her sister tiredly. It wasn't that she disliked her younger sister, its just...she had been expecting fate to send somepony else. Her sister just...didn't appreciate the hard work she put into becoming who she was. But in the end, she WAS her sister.
"Rarity! I need your help! My cape ripped! Look!" the diminuative unicorn levitated a cape of red and gold cloth over to Rarity. Sure enough, there was a large tear directly in the middle of it. Not to mention all the other instances of wear and tear present on it.
"Not only that, look here, these frayed edges! These stains! This warping of the fabric! Were you actually out and about with it in this state?" Under her verbal onslaught, her younger sister wilted.
"...yes?" she choked out.
"Unacceptable. From now on, you bring it to me for a check up EVERY month, understand?"
"Yes, Rarity..."
"And see if you can't get the other two to bring theirs by, would you?"
"Yes, Rarity..."
"Good! Well now, I have absolutely NOTHING else going on with my schedule, I'll have this done for you in a jiffy. Just sit and wait a few, okay?"
"Okay!" Sweetie Belle happily chirped.
It was at that moment the door opened again, and in walked in a a bright red mare.
"Ummm, hello?" She sorta sounded like Applejack. Slightly deeper timbre.
"Welcome darling, to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique!" Rarity belted out over a humming sewing machine, where she was using her magic to hold a golden strip of cloth against Sweetiebelles cape. Her intent had been to simply patch the cape, but the fabric had proven too badly damaged. She was forced to strip the seams, and replace the fabric entirely.
"Hello Rarity. And...little filly. I was hoping to get some specialty clothes made?"
"...Do I know you darling? I can't say your face brings a name to mind..."
"It's me, Wade?" She said, closing the door behind her.
"Oh, Wade, do come in! I'm in the middle of a project, but it shouldn't take me much longer. Sit a spell, Sweetiebelle, introduce yourself."
"Hi, I'm-" she was inturrupted by a dissaproving 'tut-tut' from her sister. "Ahem. Greetings and salutations." With a smile and a nod from Rarity, Sweetiebelle continued. "My name is Sweetiebelle, it is a pleasure to make your aquaintance." With a glance back to Rarity(who by this point was devoting her entire attention to a particularly stubborn snarl of thread) she leaned closer to the newcomer and spoke in hushed tones. "Sorry about my sister, she can be rather overbearing some times."
"I...gathered as much." Wade replied, leaning in to match Sweetiebelles whisper. "So...sister? My condolences."
"Your what?"
"...my apologies for your non given choice in family members."
"Oh, she's not that bad, but she does-" She was inturrupted by Rarity's looming face, only inches away.
"Sweetiebelle! Where did you get this shade of thread?!!?" she held out the golden thread, her eyes darting back and forth from Sweetie Belle to the thread.
"It was in your closet."
"No wonder I can't find an exact match, I've stopped carrying that shade for MONTHS! Perhaps I still have a few strands left somewhere...otherwise I'll have to replace it all and start from scratch!" She then stalked off, muttering to herself.
"Like I was saying. She does have her 'quirks'. Sometimes she's kinda obsessive on certain subject."
"You don't say. So..."
"You're the human my sister told me about, right?"
I probably would have done a spit take if I had been drinking something. As it was, I was left sputtering as I tried to formulate a response. What was the point of a cover story if everyone that knew was just going to tell someone else?
"She...told you?" I asked, incredulously.
"Yep!" she replied, bubbly.
"Okay then. That mean I can morph back and you won't freak out?" I may have been a bit ripe in my human form, but it was MINE. And it was certainly my most preffered form.
"I don't mind. Rarity said it looked really gross when you change, does it really?"
Well. In the books it had always been a bit of a freakshow when they described the process. So I had to assume this was pretty much the same. I couldn't really describe it, seeing as I had yet to really see it, so I decided to give her a first row seat to the wierdness that is me.
"Eugh, I think I'm going to be sick," she retched, before I was even halfway done morphing back. I guess that proved what she thought of the process. Guess I'll have to take her word for it.
I finished, and rose to my original height. I may have left my backpack back at the 'friendship castle', but I had retained my long sleaved shirt(complete with the tattered and bloodied right sleeve) over my t-shirt, with my jeans and sneakers. And for some reason, whatever Sunbutt had done to the diplomat medal made it so it didn't morph with me. So I just hung it from my neck like a necklace. I had forgone wearing Rarity's 'depression cloak' over due to the base fear that she'd take it back, or insist on modifying it past its present appearance.
So...how was I supposed to do this? Its not like I could just strip in the middle of her store, and just hand her my dirty underwear and say 'can you make something like this while ignoring the horrid stench of crotch rot?' If I did that, she'd probably just torch the pair where she stood. Ordinarily, I'd just log online and google pictures or diagrams of a pair. As it stands, that wasn't exactly the kind of thing I had stored on my phone...
"Were you Fluttershy earlier this week?" chirped the adorable little horse girl from behind me.
"Nyeagh," I choked off, restraining my yelp of surprise. "Ummm, yes. Technically. I have a morph of Fluttershy and her bat Ferdin-" I was suddenly interrupted by a mass of leathery flesh flapping in my face. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAGH!" No, I didn't scream like a little girl. No. That had to have been someone else. Couldn't have been me.
"Ferdinando, stop! You're scaring him!" Came the calm tones from the familiar Fluttershy. She was standing in the middle of the open doorway. Huh, that might have actually been a big problem...Ferdinando stopped fluttering around my face, and flew over to Fluttershy as she walked inside and closed the door behind her.
So it was Fluttershy, and the bat named Ferdinando. What were the freaking odds of that? That had to be statistically impossible. Regardless..."Hey Rarity?" I called over to the seamstress, who was looking between two different spools of golden thread. Apparently there was some sort of miniscule difference in their shades. I sure couldn't tell the difference.
"Yes, darling?"
"Do you mind if we put out the closed sign, so I can walk around as normal? And lock your door, so some random pony off the street doesn't walk in on me in all my two legged glory?" I got a slight giggle out of the filly, apparently I don't have much in the way of 'glory'.
"Oh, I should have thought of that. Fluttershy, be a dear and set that out, will you?" With a squeak and a short flap of her wings, she flipped the sign on the front of the door.
"So, in answer to your question, yes, I do have a Fluttershy morph." I directed at the nearly laughing little filly. Apparently I amused her. "But it's not Fluttershy exactly. Its a mix of her and Ferdinando-" I paused in my pointing at the bat, seeing as he had taken this opportunity to fly over and attach himself to my shirt sleeve. "Yeah. Him."
"Coooooool~" Sweetiebelle said, staring intently at Ferdinando. "I was just asking, because earlier this week Scootaloo saw Fluttershy without a cutie mark, and we were all wondering if that was you."
"...Scootaloo." I stated dryly. If the name was anything to go by, could it have possibly been- "Orange coat, purple hair? Mane and tail, I mean." Surprisingly, if you just said hair most folk round here would think you were talking about their coats. Main body, what have you.
"Wow, how did you know?!!?" Sweetiebelle had an awed look in here eyes, and probably thought I could read her mind at this point or something.
"Her name is 'Scootaloo', and she rides around on a scoot-er. I conected the dots."
Her face screwed up in the most adorable expression of contemplation. "What does that have to do with anything? Really, how did you know?"
...Well that didn't make any sense. what was so hard to get about that? Scooter, Scootaloo. They sounded almost exactly the same! Wait...sounded? Oh. Duh.
"Tell me something Sweetie, do the words scooter and Scootaloo sound at all the same to you?" Her face fell with confusion, but she answered anyway.
"No," she snorted, "Those don't sound anything alike!"
"Fluttershy?" I asked, turning to her.
"What? I...no, no they don't sound alike...sorry..."
"Well then. I guess this is simply another case of the multilingual spell acting wierd. Those two words almost sound identacle to me."
"Well thats odd," spouted Sweetiebelle.
"I think thats...rather interesting..." Came from Fluttershy, as she tried fruitlessly to hide within her hair. She kept on opening her mouth like she wanted to say something, but whatever it was never made it out.
"So...What brings you and...Ferdinando round these parts?" I asked.
Fluttershy immediately brightened at this, getting a huge bashful smile as she broke into her explanation. "Oh, well you see, Twilight said you were over here, at Rarity's..."
"Ummm...okay? Did you need something from me?" Why had she been looking for me? I didn't do something wrong did I?
"Oh, no, thats not... Ferdinando wanted to see you!" With that the flying rat attached to my shirt sleeve gave a happy chirp, flapping his wings outward and letting me see that he had... somehow, a huge smile on his face. Creepy. But cool, I guess. "It seems you really made an impression on him the first time you came by, he just can't keep quiet about you!"
...That was kind of creepy. "Ferdinando...talks?" I asked. I figured I might as well ask, if he was intelligent, I didn't want to insult him by assuming he was some sort of stupid beast. I mean, all of the animals at her house showed freakish levels of intelligence. For all I knew, this was normal.
"Oh...umm...Its not so much that he speaks...its more along the lines that I understand, due to my connection to all of my animals..." Okay, that just was more confusing.
"Okay then. So little buddy, you wanted to see me?" He nodded his head up and down. Seeing as he was upside down, would that have been down and up?
"Actually...we were both wondering..." Fluttershy fidgeted on her haunches, tapping her forehooves together in a nervous manner. "If you might want to adopt Ferdinando... as your pet?"
The hell am I supposed to say to something like that? I'm terrible with animals, but I don't want to just up and rebuff their request for such a petty reason. Maybe I should just accept, and see where this went?
"I...never really had a pet before," I muttered, rubbing my chin. "Are you sure you want a guy like me being his owner?" The little bat gave a furious nod, making my arm bounce up and down.
"Well that looks like a yes to me..." Fluttershy giggled, hiding her mouth behind a hoof.
I stared at the beaming little guy attached to my shirt. Fine. Whatever. And if it turned south, it wasn't my fault.
"Guess I have no choice then." I hoisted the little guy higher, looking him right in the eye. "Welcome to the family? I guess?"
Wrong answer. Batty attached himself to my face, letting out squeals of what I can only assume was joy. I handled this situation masterfully, though.
"Stop! Stop moving!" Yeah, I handled it remarkably. That wasn't Fluttershy crying out for me to stop flailing around in a panic, noop.
"Watch out!" Thank you Sweetiebelle, I might have tripped over...okay, so I did trip over that basket of cloth. But it was TOTALLY unrelated to the bat attached to my face.
"Are you all right?" asked Fluttershy, looming over me where I had...lain down. Yes, I lay down on the floor because...because I wanted to, thats why.
"...fine."
"Are you sure?"
"...yes."
"Well...okay then...if you're really sure...Oh! I know!" She lept forward, tearing Ferdinando off of my face. Then she rushed out of the store, like her tail was on fire.
"Hmm," snorted Sweetiebelle. "I guess... congratulations on your new pet?"
"Does it count, seeing as she just ran off with it again? I have to say that was...unexpected."
"She's like my sister. She can be kind of obsessive about her interests. Hers being animals, obviously."
"I am NOT obsessive! I simply have a policy about everything I do being perfect!~" Trilled the white unicorn, sweeping a finished cape around her little sisters shoulders.
"I... I didn't mean-"
"Oh think nothing of it Sweetiebelle, we all have our little...quirks?" She finished with a smile, confirming that Sweetiebelle's hushed tones had proven slightly too loud. Rarity didn't seem to mind. Guess thats family for you. "Wherever did our dear Fluttershy run off to? And she left the door open to boot..." With a slight tinkling noise, the door locked closed.
"Now...am I to assume you needed my expertise on a...particular matter?" she asked, fussing and adjusting the cape around the little filly.
"Er...yes. As much as it embarrasses me to say, I came to your little town with only the clothes on my back, pretty much." Rarity let out a slight gasp, and little Sweetiebelle rolled her eyes. "I haven't had any clean clothes to change into, so my personal body odor...to be honest it has gotten pretty bad."
"You don't need to wear something-" Sweetiebelle started, but I inturrupted seeing as I had already had this conversation earlier.
"Yes I do. Long story short, its a taboo in human society. A human getting naked only happens in the privacy of their own house, or when they're bathing. Otherwise it could be taken as indecent exposure."
"Thats stupid," stated Sweetiebelle with a bored look on her face.
"Well I think that is just quite marvelous! An entire soceity where wearing clothes is mandatory? Can you imagine the styles? The culture? The...the...the...the clothes!" Rarity had by this point gotten a manic look in her eyes, and for some reason she was squeezing her hair downward.
"Rarity, you're drooling," came the dry remark from Sweetiebelle.
She levitated a handkerchief and dabbed at her mouth, before throwing it in a bin. "Well, really, can you blame me? This whole situation is simply to die for! Now what did you need? A hat? A shirt? a robe?!!?" She stalked closer to me with every guess, cornering me against a wall. "Oh my stars!" She grabbed my shirt sleeve with her magic, dragging it closer to her eyes. "What in Equestria did you do to let your poor shirt end up like this?"
"Well," I tried to seperate the unicorn from my shirt, "A hammer I was using exploded, and ripped it up."
"Oh my, are you allright? Is this dried blood?" She used her magic to draw back the sleeve, revealing my unblemished skin. "Nothing?"
I freed my limb from her iron grip, and responded as best I could. "Damage to my body doesn't stay when I morph. Wish the same could be said of my clothes..."
"Oh, say nothing more darling, I'll have that fixed up for you in a jiffy!"
"Well, no, Thats not what I'm here for."
"What, but, but, but. but," She sputtered, halfway through the process of levitating my shirt off.
"I am in need of some undergarment... spares, if you will." She kept looking at the shirt sleeve.
"Of course, whatever you need, but I insist on seeing to this as well!"
"Well, okay then,"
"Just strip, so I can get some measurements-"
"Umm, again, with the tabboo thing. I was actually hoping you could just inspect the underwear in question, and make a few based off of that?"
Rarity scrunched up her face in what looked like...dissapointment... and frustration. "Without precise measurements, I won't be able to create a garment that fits you perfectly...but if I must, I'll see what I can do."
"Allright then...do you have a bathroom I can use?"
~---------------------------------------~
They were...atrocious.
They were shaped similarly to overwear, but with far more fabric, designed to fit entirely over the hindquarters. And nearly all of the fabric...was covered in bodily stains. Sweat, urine, fecal...leavings...No wonder humans wore clothes all the time, if they went around without protection they'd probably leave refuse everywhere they went! It was accompanied with a foul smell, as well.
I see why he made me pinkie promise not to dispose of these... If he hadn't, I probably would have set them on fire the moment I saw them...
Still, it provided a valuable template from which to work off of. The waistband was made of a stretchy material, and Rarity was hardpressed to find a comparable substance. Maybe magically enhanced cotton? Oh, but that fabric swelled when permeated with sweat...
Eventually, she had managed to finish a set of 10...strangely named underwear. She had spelled them the same as overwear, seeing as they were so similar. Magically resistant against bodily effluents and outwards byproducts like dirt and mud and dirty mud...Maybe she did have a bit of an obsession when it came to cleansliness...
Now if he would just let her take a crack at that shirt of his...it was such a travesty, the poor thing was almost begging her to fix it up.
"Wade darling, I'm done~! Would you like...to see...the finished...product?" Rarity stuttered to a halt. Sitting in the middle of the foyer, over a half played game of chess were two...Sweetiebelles. Staring at her with wide, confused eyes.
"I...do I even want to know?"
They looked at each other, than back at Rarity before responding in adorable unison.
"Probably not."
Rarity closed her eyes, a migrane threatening to overtake her. "Well then, since a certain Wade is no longer here, I guess I'll just have to throw these out, won't I?"
Sweetiebelle on the right looked at Sweetiebelle on the left. Sweetiebelle on the left looked on at Rarity with an incredulous look stamped on her face.
"Just because I look like a naive little kid, doesn't mean I am," stated the left Sweetiebe-...stated WADE.
"Hey!" Sweetiebelle protested, drilling Wade with a hurt look.
"No offense. It was your sister that assumed it of us, not me."
"Hey!" Sweetiebelle directed towards Rarity.
"I did no such thing! I was only... Okay, so I was joking with you, but I didn't mean any offense... Gah. Your clothes are ready. Change back so I can fix your shirt, will you?"
"Awww, but I was winning!" Sweetiebelle squeaked, forcing a grin onto Rarity's face.
"Just because I'm going to morph back doesn't mean we can't finish our game." Wade said.
"Yay! I'm gonna stomp all your castles!"
"If I didn't have them hiding behind my pawns, maybe."
"You're on!"
Wadiebelle's flesh started melting, the colors and textures changing as he grew larger and larger. How exactly did that type of spell work? All the texts Twilight had given her over the years stated that you couldn't make mass from nothing, so what exactly was he borrowing from? Or in the case of him transforming into Sweetiebelle, where was all that extra mass going?
"Here."
"What?" Rarity intelligently replied, snapping out of her introspective daze. Wade stood in front of her, holding out his long sleeved shirt in a wad of twisted cloth. He was wearing clothes underneath his clothes! How wonderful! It was simpler shirt, short sleeved so it didn't cover the entirety of his arms. Navy blue, it meshed well with his pants... "Oh yes, thank you," She said, grabbing the shirt in her magic.
"How long do you think that will take?"
"What, do you think I'm gonna beat you too quick?" Sweetiebelle piped up.
"Guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?" Wade replied.
"Oh, it shouldn't take me long at all, just finish your game and I should have it fixed up."
She was good. Even with how badly I had been misplacing pieces in the beginning of the game(hooves, how does they work?), I shouldn't have lost THIS badly. She systematically picked off every head piece I had, then went to town on my pawns. I managed to deprive her of her knights(she called them 'guards', and the bishops were for some reason called 'scribes'. The queens were called 'royal knights', which in itself was confusing. And of course, the kings were in fact 'princesses'.) and one of her castles, but she held onto all the rest of her pieces. I didn't even manage to kill off any of her pawns. This was an OFF day.
"And that," she stated, sliding her 'royal knight' into a fence with her castle,"Is checkmate!"
She even managed to free up her 'scribe' with that move, pinning my kin-princess with a three way checkmate. Cheeky little girl.
"And just like that," Rarity stated, stepping forward with a certain restored piece of apparel in her magic. "I am finished. Give it a go, would you?"
It was...well she had replaced both the sleeves. With some sort of black, silky looking material. Well. At least she didn't bedazzle it.
"And for your services," I picked up the bag of bits Twilight had given me, holding them out to Rarity.
"Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I want you to take this in good faith, and you come to me for all your clothing needs, you hear?" Why would she...oh right.. 'generosity'. I wonder if she did it because she wanted to, or if she did it because she felt it was to be expected of her? Regardless. Free shirt and undies, yaaaaaaaay. Now I could go back to the castle and take measures to avoid the pegacorns ire.
"Mokay then. I guess I'll be off then..."
"Awwww, won't you stay for another game?" Sweetiebelle whined at me. Cheeky little brat, she just wanted to win again.
"Sorry Sweetie, But I'd rather continue when I'm not having such horrible luck. Maybe tomorrow, after I've cleared my head of the viscious thrashing you gave me?"
"Promise."
"Fine. Tomorrow. I'll beat your butt, I do so swear." I patted her on the head, and proceded to put the the shirt back on over my head.
"You mean I'm going to win, don't you?" she asked, cheekily. She was a cheeky kid. Very cheeky.
"Only if you're lucky." I started to morph back into my wondertwins form, seeing as it was what I came here in. It'd be weird if 'she' went into Rarity's store and never came back out.
"Oh, Wade, before you head off, do you think you could do a favor for me?" Oh, already she was expecting things of me? Generosity is not my element, lady.
"Depends?"
"Oh, well, I think Twilight left this here before," she levitated a large, leatherbound book over to me. "If you could just take it back to her, that would be a tremendous help."
"Are you sure its hers?" Just because she was obsessed with books, didn't mean it was hers.
'Who else but Twilight would lug around a book in a foreign language? In Ponyville, I mean. Thats sort of something only she would do in this area."
Allright, fine. Twilight was a biblophile, she had weird books. Apparently she absentmindedly left them places, too. I took the book in my hair( yes. hair. Its prehensile) and held it there with the bag of new undies and bits. Not like I could put them on like the shirt.
~-----------------------------------------~
"Nyeaflgl-" Came a strangled cry from the front room.
"Hello? Wade?" Twilight called. Was he home already? It had only been...4 hours. Huh. Guess she had lost track of time. Entering the front room, she was struck by a troubling sight. The bag of bits she had given Wade, a bag of cloth, and large book with text in a language she didn't recognize on the cover were piled next to the front door. Wade was nowhere to be seen. "Wade? Are you back?" If he was back, he would answer, wouldn't he?
Picking up the book, she was hit by a feeling of familiarity. She couldn't read the text within it...but it looked so familiar. Twilight was SURE she had seen this type of text before...
"OH THANK BEING OF OMNIPITANT POWER AND ABILITY!" Came Wades voice from behind her. Whirling around, Twilight saw...Wade. Covered in whipped cream and holding a pile of books.
"Wade? Where did you come fro- Where did you get those boo- WHY ARE YOU COVERED IN WHIPPED CREAM?!!?" It better not be another 'alternate Equestria'. Wade it seems, had been zipping back and forth between them, trying to find a way home. He responded to pretty much anypony who called on him from his 'token', but as she had warned him, it seems he had finally found a world that didn't agree with him.
"It's only been a minute here?" He asked, gazing at the clock on the wall.
"I asked you a question, Wade."
"...I don't wanna talk about it." He shivered, obviously remembering something.
"Gah, fine. How long was it 'over there', Wade?"
"I've been stuck in that Tartarus hole for three hours." Wade had some odd sayings. Twilight would have guessed they had seperate meanings that the multilingual spell just wasn't getting across.
"Was it really that bad?"
"Two words. Donkey Kong." He might have been about to say something else, but a hole opened up in the middle of the air and deposited a glowing, golden banana, which smacked Wade in the face.
"No!" Wade shouted, flinging the glowing banana across the room. "Reproductive activity you!" Odd...his words continued on long after his lips had sealed in an angry frown. And with that he stalked off down the hall.
"Wade!"
"What."
Twilight levitated the bag of cloth off of the floor, it had to have been what he got made at Rarity's, he wasn't carrying it when he left...Twilight threw it at him, careful not to make it too fast to catch. "Take a bath, even with all that whipped cream on you, you stink to high heavens."
That sucked. That sucked bigtime. I got called over to another displaced Equestria, and from the start I knew something was up. The displaced there...well he was a certain ape with a necktie. He apparently had been cosplaying as Donkey Kong, by putting on a cap and a necktie. And nothing else. He went to a con(Miami) and bought a 'crystal coconut' from our lovely one of a kind merchant. At least I learned that he never took the same form. 'Donkey Kong' met him under the guise of a black man. At least he wasn't afraid to embrace diversity.
After recieving the crystal coconut, Kong was sent to his own version of Equestria. A version where all the inhabitants were anthro versions of the populace I had come to know. Effing weird to see Twilight with jubblies. Even more awkward, seeing as the entire populace was hornier than a bull toad. To hell with that nightmare. What. I'm not a furry. I found the entire situation balls to the walls uncomfortable.
Pair that with the fact that 'Donkey Kong' was just as horny, and called me simply because he 'thought it might be fun'. His coconut had wierd magical powers, and allowed him to summon whipped cream. As he stated, 'Whipped cream party!'. All in all, I had learned a valuable lesson.
Screen my damned calls.
At least one good thing had come of all this. While trying to throw a bookcase at Donkey Kong, I had gotten sucked back. So now I had seven Equestrian books. In perfectly. Legible. ENGLISH.
I reclined on my bed, having taken my shower(Rarity made me RAINBOW colored underwear. What the heck) and did my best to clean the whipped cream off a book.
Legal Law And You, A Complete Compendium of Equestrian Legislature
"Where is it?" The woman asked, pawing through a pile of papers.
She gave up on the pile, and opened a drawer. Finding nothing within, she returned to the room she had previously been in, searching in a stack of books.
"Where is that blasted diary?"
She suddenly stopped, a revelation hitting her.
"God damn it," She stated in perfect english, "I must have left it at Rarity's."
With a slight sigh, Lyra slammed the door behind her.
Authors Note With this chapter, I was co writing with another author. You all might have noticed that I veer away from certain words, and seeing as we can't really just ignore them in this chapter, instead I have replaced them. whenever you see a word or words inthis color just take it as meaning something more...effusive. Have fun!
Twilight was trying to teach me Equish. Emphasis on the word, trying.
"This is the letter, G." She said, pointing to a completely different character than the last three she denoted as 'G'. Whatever she was actually trying to get across to me was being lost in magical translation.
"You said that about this letter," I pointed to a character with a square bottom, and a propeller sticking out the top. "And this one," I pointed at another one eight characters to the left.
"No I didn't. This one is 'G', and this one is 'G'. They're completely different."
Ha. Ha fricken ha.
"Twilight, you just said the same...what you said SOUNDS to me like the same letter. This isn't working."
She threw her hooves up in frustration. "This is impossible! I wish there was a way to turn off that stupid translation spell, at this point its doing more harm than good."
"Its not like I HAVE to learn the language. I can understand it just fine."
"But you can't READ any of it! This is going to cause you monumentous problems in the future! You can't even read a simple meal menu!"
"Thats what I got you for."
"Gah!" She exclaimed in frustration, magically flinging papers right and left.
I couldn't really fault her for her frustration. I wasn't exactly the best student. Add to that the fact I had been flaunting my English equestrian books(She couldn't read a damned word from them, it pissed her off to no end.) and I had one very emotional teacher. To her credit, she was trying. Trying to teach me a language when she couldn't read a single word of my own. That's dedication.
I had received three more dimensional tokens since Donkey Kong's golden banana(Oooooooooh, ba-na-na~). Well, two tokens and one which I was pretty sure was a token. The first one, a vial. It wasn’t much, but the way the liquid swirled made it look like a DNA strand. It pulsed, moved, writhed, as if it were alive. The summon phrase that came with it was freaky, and honestly kinda scary. I am Nemesis. The Hunter. The Pursuer. Those who would seek to harm others for their own benefit are my prey. If you need my help, simply take this vial in your hand, and call upon me. I will aid you in kind. Your enemies will flee before my wrath, but there will be nowhere they can run, nowhere they can hide that I will not find them. I will hunt them down.
The next, was a red gem shaped like a rupee from the legend of zelda series with a triforce carved in the side. The summoning phrase that came with it was a bit odd, it sounded female...but I just couldn't be sure. I AM THE MIGHTY HEATHER! No you're not... Shut up Navi! Just ignore her... I guess to call, touch the triforce? I'm new to this and I have no idea how I got this thing. You summoned it SHUT UP NAVI.... Changelings...you can't live with them without them being annoying... Call if you need me for anything... I'm just a sword for hire so what can go wrong? All in all, Triforce, Navi(who apparently was a changeling in her world) and an inexperienced self titled 'Sword For Hire' I just couldn't take a chance that this displaced wasn't modeled after some villain in the zelda franchise I couldn't think of at the moment. I'd have to take precautions before I summoned her. Or wait until she found my token and show up as something she wouldn't be able to recognize...maybe show up in my hybrid changeling king guise? At the very least, it sounded like changelings were accepted on that version of Equestria. On most of the ones I had been to so far, they really weren't.
And last but not least, the maybe token. It was a green ball of bubbling green liquid, covered with a clear, rubbery membrane. I say maybe because it didn't have a summoning phrase, and nothing I did seemed to do anything to it. It worked great as a bouncy ball though.
"Maybe we could start from the top?" Twilight asked hopefully.
"I thought we hadn't left the top yet." I replied, tossing the green ball of greenosity towards the ceiling before catching it.
"We really haven't."
"So how the heck am I supposed to learn something when everything you say gets translated as gibberish?"
"I...I don't know..."
Bah. Twilight was only trying to help me. "Why don't you just do that then?"
"Do what?"
"Do what you said. Turn it off. Its just a spell, right? So you should be able to just switch it on and off like a light. You're like the sorcerer supreme around these parts, so it should be a piece of cake for you, right?"
She gave me a scathing glare. Was it something I said? Twilight let out a loud sigh, and started in on me.
"I don't have the first idea how your spell works, how its even attached to you or even how its even powered. Its not being supplied power from outside of your body, yet it isn't leaching off your own natural stores. It frankly doesn't make any sense." She levitated a pad of paper and started scrabbling numbers on it in an impossible to understand formula of some sort. Friggin scientist.
"I call upon thee, peon of the multiverse. Come hither at my command, and do my bidding!" a normal, low voiced echo. He sounded normal. But the words he used? The way he tried to summon me?
Haha, yeah no. "Sod off."
"What?" Twilight asked, diverting her attention from her notes.
"What? Sorry, not you. Just refusing a rather pushy Displaced. 'Come hither at my command and do my bidding', can you believe that guy? Probably has a monocle and an evil mustache he likes to twirl as he eats babies or something. Every word he said oozed 'I am bad news.' Feel sorry for his version of Equestria..."
"Well at least you're learning some measure of self control..."
"Whats that supposed to mean? I have plenty of self control!"
"You go running off to anyone that calls you, and next time it may not be as harmless as the 'Donkey Kong' Incident. You still have to apologize to Zecora, by the way."
I had come across a familiar face yesterday. And by familiar, I mean terrifying. By far, the most insistent individual from the last Displaced world I had been to(besides 'Donkey Kong' and Big Macintosh) had been an alternate version of a certain Zebra shaman. Her lilting tones, the way she formed verse and poem as she stalked me through the community center...damn. She had definitely left a bad impression on me. The moment I heard her voice again, I panicked, throwing a bowl of cereal at her and running away. God knows what she made of all the 'please don't rape me' comments I left in my wake. I left my game with Sweetiebelle unfinished too...I wonder what she had been doing at Rarity's, anyway? Maybe she was getting her bangles resized, for all I know...
Still, Twilight had a point. One which I already had taken to heart, but whatever. Let her feel like I'm drawing inspiration for her if that buoys her spirits. Help her figure out how to get me home all that much sooner. I had refused seven 'requests' since then, none of them passing my rather ludicrous inspection of quality control.
"So whats with all the numbers? What...solution are you trying to come to?"
She looked at me incredulously, before responding. "You can read this?"
What was the big deal? "Its just numbers. I don't understand the formula you're using, honestly I barely remember how to do on paper division. But that's just numbers. So whatcha doin?"
"Nothing. Its nothing. But you can read numbers? Why didn't you tell me? This is...I can..." Her eyes got a far off look as her quill stopped scrabbling. "I CAN TEACH YOU BINARY." And like that, she started scribbling away again, for all intents and purposes ignoring me.
Suddenly, I got another Displaced message/request from across the veil.
" Alright! Wade...Animo...meh. Get out here!" Huh. What a pushy sounding little brat. Better luck next time, guy.
I had already missed a lot of Displaced requests. Maybe I should take this call and see what happens? I had already missed a lot of Displaced requests. Maybe I should take this call and see what happens...Yeah. That sounded like a good idea. Why was I being so trepiditious about this? Twilight wasn't making any headway with figuring out how to get me home, so my best bet was obviously seeking out other Displaced, to see if they knew anything.
I acquiesce to your request, send me on over or whatever, I thought, I had learned since the first slide that I didn't need to say anything out loud.
I fell through the void, entering into the rather rude voiced world as was sadly my norm. Facefirst. I'd have to ask Auric if that was normal, or if the multiverse was actively trying to hurt me. Wouldn't surprise me at this point.
Prying my face from the bed of leaves I had landed in( I was somewhere outside. Hopefully it wasn't the kill-you-dead forest. Screw that place.) and looked upon the one that had pulled me across the void. Or...two, I guess as the case might be in this situation.
It was a...raccoon and a tree guy. Huh. First time I had come across a displaced that wasn't strictly human looking or was a pony like Auric(Except 'Donkey Kong'. He doesn't count though. By god he does NOT friggin count.). It was...different, thats for sure.
They were looking at me like they expected me to say something. So I did."Sup?" Not my finest introduction, but I just landed on my face, gimmie a break.
Raccoon boy gave a slow clap, "Oh, what a wonderful landing. I've got to give you ten out of ten for that." He snorted. His was the rude voice I had heard from the summon. Now I knew why, he was TINY. Obviously compensating for his size.
"I am Groot." Tree guy chastised. Ha. I think I like him already.
"I agree with tree guy. Screw you." I pushed myself into a sitting position, rubbing at a cut on my forehead. "One of you wouldn't happen to have a band-aid, would you?" Raccoon boy looked surprised for a second, before responding.
Groot chuckled, and he snapped at him, "Oh, laugh it up, fireplace!" He gave a slight sigh as he shook his head. "So, you're Wade, huh?" he said, looking me up and down. "What can you do? What're your fighting skills? And...you happen to know about all the...humans out there? What's up with that? Or are you just as lost as us?" Great. Guess this trip was a bust. These two shlubs didn't know anything more than I did.
"Oh, so you're fresh off the boat, huh? Guess I'll give you the rundown. And all of this is second-hand knowledge from another guy, so if I miss something please don't hate me for it." I stood up, towering above the little raccoon while Groot still towered over me. Rocky narrowed his eyes and crawled up Groot to climb onto his shoulder. He looked down at me and gave me a grin. Yeah, not compensating for ANYTHING."Interdimensional deity of an asshat calling himself the Merchant is picking up humans from different Earths and stranding them in different Equestria's. Usually people that were at a con of some sort." And just like that, it all went to shit.
"Wait, he's Plantation WHAT?!" he roared, going apeshit "HE Bruce Wane SENT US HERE?!" He pulled out his gun things and began shooting the everloving stuffing out of some trees. "DID THAT BASTARD TAKE OUR MEMORIES?!
"Holy crap man, calm down!" WHAT THE HELL WAS HIS PROBLEM?!?!? "At the very least, aim that way!"I pointed off into the forest, definitely away from myself.
He snarled at me, and I realized I had probably said something to make a gun nut like him even more unstable., "OH, YOU DON'T LIKE MY BLASTERS?!" He started shooting at me like a lunatic. "WHY DON'T YOU DANCE, YOU Wonderful individual?! YOU DID THIS TO US?!" Right. Just go to the rude sounding voiced Displaced world. that was smart. not like I was gonna get shot at or something. Never.
"Holy shit!" I blurted out, running away like there was some sort of demonic raccoon shooting shit at me. Gee. Fancy that. "I wanna go home now! Everyones freaking crazy here!" Surprisingly enough, I didn't fall back out of this universe. Definitely leaning towards the multiverse hating me at this point.
"YOU Marmalade BROUGHT US HERE, YOU-!!!" He was cut off suddenly, and even more thankfully the shots around me petered out. Didn't mean I stopped running, though. "GROOT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU-?!"I felt a small weight crash into my back, but it was just heavy enough to bowl me off my feet and send me sprawling. Barely.
"Mother....Participant..krutacking...shitbag..." He pulled out a knife just to get it slapped out of his claws and was shoved to the ground next to me.
"I AM GROOT!" Groot roared, his face contorted in anger. "I...am Groot." He continued, trying to talk the little ball of fun down.
"What the HELL is your problem man?" I yelled at the diminutive psycho. I crabwalked away from the two of them as best I could, till my back hit a tree. "Keep him AWAY from me!"
"I..." the little ball of fur started, his voice barely above a whisper, "I'm...You...you didn't bring us here did you?" he asked softly.
"I JUST freaking said it was some wackjob called the Merchant! If I was the one that brought you here, why the hell wouldn't I say so?" I grunted angrily at him.
"I...I'm sorry." he lowered his head. "I just...Whoever brought us here. This...Merchant or whoever it was, they...they took our memories. We can still remember things about home, but...anything personal, our families, our friends, our homes...It's all gone. I...I just need someone to blame!" Tears began leaking from his eyes. "I...I can't even remember my name!" he sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
What was with so many rough and tumble people breaking into tears? Almost like they got shunted halfway across creation against their will or something. Damnit. I can't really hold THAT against him..."I..I'm not gonna just turn on a dime and go all weepy with you, you were just SHOOTING at me." I sighed, it wasn't like he actually hit me though... "Just...please no more yelling and shooting at me for no reason?"
He sniffed and wiped away the rest of his tears, then nodded, "Sure. I, uh, sorry. I just...felt," He paused, before continuing.. "A rage...Damn, is this what Blood feels all the time?"
"Just gonna assume Blood's another Displaced, in which case thank you for giving me a name to avoid."
"Yeah...Displaced, Blood mentioned that name too. And you don't have to worry about him, he's cool. Friendly as hell, his summon actually states that he'll help any human." he rubbed his arm. "Just, uh, stay out of his way in battle. You know the term Axe Crazy? Yeah well, for him it's literal. Hey, I have his summon with me, I could call him if you want."
"NO!" I waved my hands in front of me frantically. I did NOT want another crazy shooty mcshooterpants flying off the handle and threatening to cause me pain. Thats something I'd like to avoid, honestly. "I mean...uhhh....no...thank you? I'll be honest, you scare the shit out of me. And what you just described as 'friendly as hell'? Excuse me if I don't immediately take your word as something I can go by right this second..."
He chuckled, "Ah, I don't blame you. He is...odd. But if you see a vial of blood on a piece of string, make sure you grab it. You might not want his help, but there could come a time where you have no choice." he then shrugged, "Eh, back to more important matters. Me."
"I am Groot..." Groot mumbled.
"What? I'm important! I did free a group if slaves, remember?"
"I am Groot."
Raccoon boy growled lowly, "Eh, whatever. Anyway, kid, you know more about this world than us. Even if the two worlds don't match up perfectly you should a pretty good idea. So, anything we should know about?"
I glared at the demonic raccoon, then tried to compose myself.
"Allright. So as I was saying before you went Clint Eastwood on my ass, I don't know why the merchant is doing this. If you want to know the whole story, keep an eye out for a golden coin, it looks like a bit-" I pulled Aurics token out of my pocket, showing it off," -but the face and tail are different, one side has a seesaw with the letters A and U on one side, and an eclipse on the other." I pocketed the coin again, who knows what would happen if I accidentally lost it in another Equestria? "Thats the token of Auric, alchemist of the golden flames. He seems to have a clear head on whats going on. Also he said he was going to send me over a folder with the information I needed, but THAT still hasn't happened," I stated with a huff.
He chuckled. Apparently I amuse him. "Hey, this Auric guy, he's...he's not full of himself, is he? And do you know his motivation? Guy's got to want something."
"Guy can make pretty much anything out of midair, based on an offhand comment he made apparently he already has a tower all to himself, but he did have that confident 'I know what I'm doing' vibe about himself. He seemed on the up and up from my minor interaction with him...if a bit kooky. If he offers to help you fix something, WATCH HIM, DO NOT LEAVE HIM ALL ON HIS LONESOME," I enunciated. "He turned the Apple family's barn plaid. Blue and green PLAID. I can't say I didn't like that outcome, but the apples are still holding that over my head. For some odd reason."
"Apple family? Who the hell are they?" The little ball of hate asked.
"According to the old lady living on the farm, the apple family is a group of relatives all across Equestria, usually having work or otherwise that relates to apples in some way. They even run a town over in the desert or something. Apploosa, I think. The ones I was directly referring to however, was a family of four that live on the edges of Ponyville. Granny Smith, Applejack, Big Macintosh, and Applebloom." Maybe I SHOULDN'T be telling the gun crazy little punk where to find nice, civilized people? Whatever, for some reason, the little guy was staring to grow on me.
"Ponyville? I know I've heard that before." he muttered to himself.
"I am Groot," Groot said. Well seeing as he knew where I was talking about, that would just make this all the more easier.
"Ah! Yeah, that's it! You live there? Hmm...you know if your world has any crime? Bandits and the like?" he asked, with a bit of a bloodthirsty glint in his eye.
"I'm honestly not too versed in the politics of Equestria."(aside from what I had read in my new books...that information was sadly limited, though.) "Apparently there was this guy named Tirek a while back, but the previous element bearers stopped him. And became some sort of magic friendship avatars or some shit." I paused, trying to think of something else "According to Chrysalis, there's still some underground sects of changeling haters that have tried to kill off random folk to throw suspicion on them, but nothing out in the open that I know of."
He nodded, "So, blueberries cross the dimensional barrier then. No big surprise there. You have questions, big guy?" I asked Groot.
Groot nodded at the little guy, "I am Groot? I am Groot. I...am Groot?"
They didn't know a thing about the Princesses. Oh, THAT was just wonderful."You don't know anything about them? Okay, first and foremost, as RIDICULOUS as it sounds, the way the sun and moon orbit all of the Equestria's is different. And no, I didn't misspeak there, the moon AND sun orbit the PLANET. Apparently gravity or whatever falls under a different source of magic or whatever. Celestia and Luna are the controllers of the sun and moon, respectively. Yeah, they grab celestial bodies and sling them across space. Don't ask me how, I guess they're just that strong. I've also heard talk about Luna seeing dreams or something, but I haven't heard anything concrete on that. Worth looking into, I guess. As for what questions I have for you, my first and foremost would be this. What the heck were you guys cosplaying as?"
Rocky rolled his eyes, "Memories gone, remember? We don't know. What's that cube thing anyway? It...I almost felt like I remembered something when I saw it."
"That? Thats my token, Auric made it and...SOMEHOW 'spread it across the void. No, I don't know how to do that. Again, keep an eye out for the wierd gold coin, he'll be able to tell you far more about what's going on that I can." I poked the glowing blue cube, and it had the freaking gall to shock me. Stupid little knockoff cube of piss ass shittiness. Screw you, multiverse.
"It...I...think I remember seeing something..." he shook his head, and continued. "So, what can you tell us about Ponyville itself?"
"Ponyville? Well, theres the apple farm on the outskirts, like I said before. Then theres Fluttershy's house on the other side of town. She's like...an animal keeper, god I don't know, the way they do stuff here is weird. Did you know they actually have the winged horses fly around and change the weather as they see fit? They think NORMAL weather is WEIRD. They even have a coffee and CYANIDE store. IN THE SAME STORE. And then they claim that cyanide is just a special type of flavoring! My left buttcheek." I calmed myself down, slowly drawing back my breath into a tight rythym. "Anyway, actually important things, theres 6 wielders of what is basically a primordial force of magic. As they say, 'Friendship is magic'. And thats not just a metaphysical BS line. If their word is anything to go on, friendship is an actual energy source. The ones that wield it are as best I can figure, Fluttershy-I was just telling you about her house. Applejack, she's part of the Apple family and lives on the farm. She's a stubborn lady who WILL make sure you pay her back if you owe her something, or even if she just THINKS you owe her something. Rarity, she lives in a clothing store in the middle of town. Haven't really talked to her all that much, but she seems nice...also she makes clothes. You might be able to wheedle a free shirt out of her, apparently she's the element bearer of 'generosity', and she takes that pretty seriously. Then theres Pinkie Pie." I shuddered uncontrollably. "She's pink, and if you step a single foot within Ponyville she WILL find you. If you like parties, all the power too you, but if you just want to be left alone, tough shit. Then theres Rainbow Dumbass. Her names actually Rainbow Dash, but I don't like her. But what do I know? Maybe your version of her isn't a complete racist moron. She's a pegasus, and flies around all the time, going on and on about how she's going to become part of this flying guard thing called the wonderbolts."
I took a second to swallow a wad of saliva, wetting my mouth. "And finally theres Twilight. She's basically the spearhead of the group, holding the best by default element of magic. She's a pegacorn like Princess Celestia and Luna, in fact I think she even has the stupid sounding title of 'Princess of Friendship'. Add to that, she has a giant freaking castle made of crystal in the middle of town, you can't miss it. She's a bit of a bookworm, do NOT show her those-" I waved to his guns, "unless you want her quarantining them so she can take them apart and study them. I'm exaggerating, but seriously. she will spazz out over them."
"Hmm...She's the Princess of Friendship, friendship is a magic power in this world..." Rocky grinned, "Hey, Groot, I think I've found our ticket home!"
"Groot," He snorted, "I am Groot."
"You know any towns near the forest by Trottingham, kid?" Rocky asked me.
I shook my head, "The only way I even know the town name is that there was a radical group there that executed a pegasus, simply because she was married to a changeling. A lot of bills that were set into motion because of that debacle. And the only forests I know of are the kill-you-de-," I stopped, it wasn't actually called the kill-you-dead forest, me calling it that wouldn't help him in the slightest. "Ahem, excuse me, the Everfree forest, and Whitetail woods. And I don't really know where they are specifically in relation to Ponyville or Trottingham. Oh, but Canterlot-stop laughing, I know the names are ridiculous, I didn't make them but am convinced that whoever did only did so to get a laugh. so I will steadfastly refuse that of them." Any slight advantage I can get over the multiverse, I'm going to take it. "Anyway, Canterlot is a giant town built on the side of a mountain. You can easily see Ponyville from there, plus they have a train that goes there..."
Rocky nodded, "Right, they killed someone because of who they loved. extremely pleasant individuals." Rockey took his guns back from Groot, before picking his knife back up. "And seeing as you know more about this place than we do at this point, you're coming with us until we find the next town." He gave a one-sided grin. "Alright?"
"Thats fine with me. But I can't guarantee I'll be able to stick in this dimension for the entire duration. I got rubberbanded back without anything saying I would or otherwise last time. And since I don't want to wear out my already shitty shoes, I think I'll start with a morph. You aren't gonna spazz out and start shooting at me again if I transform, are you?" I directed towards a certain short tempered raccoon.
He shook his head, "Hey, I said I was sorry! Just...just don't turn into a clown."
"I am Groot."
I shuddered at the mental image of my face slowly twisting and changing into that of a clown. Dear god, I'm probably going to have nightmares about that now...
"Not even if my life depended on it."
I started my wondertwins morph. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to watch as my skin and clothes melted into a single surface, and felt as I grew even shorter than the towering tree man. I was still taller than the shrimp of a raccoon, though.
The pint sized Jerk clambered up on my back, and grabbed ahold of the back of my hair. "Onwards, my trusty steed!"...jerk.
Tree man sighed, and said "I am Groot" in his wierd whispering speech as he led the way off through the trees.
I followed, and asked a question that niggled its way to the forefront of my mind. "Can a female horse be a steed? I thought the term was strictly masculine," I continued clopping along, and it was several seconds before Rocky responded.
"I think the technical term for such a thing is: I don't give a rooster!" he laughed. "Hey, Groot, you think we'll find a town today?"
"I am Groot" He answered.
"Eh? Why not?" he asked before a group of Gryphons, in masks, and holding swords stepped out of the undergrowth.
"Hey, pony disparaging remark relating to a female dog! Hand over your bits!" One of the group called out. Great. Not even in this world for twenty minutes, and I get shot at by a crazy rodentia, and cursed at by a group of bandits. Wonderful. Can I go home yet?
"Are they talking to me?" I asked the furry brat on my back. He gave me a nod, so I continued. "I'm the only one being ridden and you stupidly assume I'm the one in charge?" The foremost Gryffon took a step forward, and responded in an extremely agitated manner.
"We don't give half a shit what your sick fetishes are, lady, hand over everything of value on you, or pay with your life!"
"Fetish? The hell? And do you see any 'valuables' on me? Disregarding the furry little punk, he's only worth as much as far as you can throw him." I took another look back at my passenger, his face contorting in barely restrained rage. "Plus I'm pretty sure your ugly mugs are pissing him off. You might want to get lost before he kills you."
"You dare mock us?!!?" "I'm not ugly, I'm just wearing a mask!" "I told you these things looked stupid!" Came the scattered replies from the band of gryphons.
"Get lost you feather brained idiots, you're making actual baddasses like my friends here look kinda bad."
"You should have taken your magic smart juice this morning you retarded little filly."
"Really? Thats the extent of your insults? The purpose of an insult is to be...you know, insulting?"
"You'll regret mocking us you useless broodhorse."
"And your mother should have swallowed you. Guess we all can't get what we want, can we?"
Rocky snarled at the Griffins before chuckling, "Hey, Groot, we didn't get chance before, so how'd you feel about getting some chicken wings?" Without waiting for a reply he dived off of my back, pulling out his guns and opening fire. "Hey, suckers. If you would kindly, I would appreciate if you would remove yourselves from my sight with the utmost of haste.."
The fight didn't last very long. They just didn't stand a chance. "I am Groot?" Groot asked me, after he threw the last thug through a tree.
"Not like I did anything past pissing them off to the point where they fought like morons. Seriously, don't you idjits know you fight worse when you're mad?" I poked a hoof at the unconscious claw of a bleeding gryphon. "Not like you stood that much of a chance to begin with. Talk about bringing a knife to a gun fight. And forgetting your knife at home. Idiots."
I walked over to another gryphon, one that actually had some sort of pack with him. Like a complete and total moron, I got too close, and the jerk got a lucky shot in, clocking my right in the windpipe. He gave a wheeze and tried to get up.
<Son of a gun, really? What the hell you stupid little...> I stopped trying to wring the bastards neck, and tried to calm down. Taking a few deep breathes, I managed to ascertain that I didn't have any damage to my throat.
Rockey strolled up to us, and shoved a gun in his face. "Nighty night." Rockey gave me a short glance. "You might want to look away, it gets a little messy." then he pulled the trigger.
My mind was blank...he had just... killed someone. And he didn't even bat an eye. What the hell had I gotten myself into? I may be desensitized to the idea of murder, but I sure as shit had never considered I might one day see it right in front of me..
One thing was clear. If I showed resistance to this, he might get offended.
"Thats...fine." I muttered, trying in vain to wipe a spray of blood off of my front left hoof. It wouldn't come off. It was setting in! What if it didn't go away when I morphed back? What if for the rest of time I had dried blood on my hands?!!? WHAT IF IT NEVER WASHED OFF?!?!?!?!?
He hummed a jaunty little tune to himself as he kicked the corpse over to a bush. "There we go, that should keep them hidden till the predators get to them... Hey, you alright? I don't enjoy killing but we had no choice. Just...try to forget about it." He gave a little shrug. "Groot, you talk to him, you're a better people person. I'll go see if I can see where we are from the top of that tree."
"No-I'm fine!" I belted out. "Never better, I swear. Not like this is new for me or anything, I've seen violence before, its not like this was the first fight I've ever been in ever!" I croaked out, my already femininely high voice growing higher and higher until it petered out.
Looks like he didn't suspect anything. He was even smiling! Smiling his cute little raccoon smile as he climbed out of sight. At least I assume he was smiling. Kinda hard to tell with his little raccoon features...but thats beside the point! The murderous little ball of hate was climbing out of sight! Happy day!
"I...am Groot?" Twiggy asked me, sitting down beside me.
"I...I'm fine, really. Never better! I think I could even-" He cut me off, picking me up into a tight hug. "Thanks...I needed that.
"I am Groot."
"Uh...what the hell?" I heard Rocky muttering, so I quickly pushed Groot away. "Come on, this way," he said, taking the lead.
Getting hugged by a tree wasn't the most comfortable experience in the world. Still, it helped me snap out of my downward spiral."So..." I directed towards the gun happy marsupial. "Where we going? Did you see a town or something while you were up there?"
Rocky smirked, "I saw smoke. Too small to be a fire, it had to be from a village."
"I am Groot," Groot said.
"Ah, piss off." the little hellscallion chuckled. "So, kid, we're your favorite Displaced, right?" He said while Groot rolled his eyes. How a tree can do that, I haven't the foggiest.
"YES! Favorite, definitely favorite!" I let out with a nervous chuckle. "Wouldn't...rather be ANYWHERE else. So, smoke, village? Did you see any houses?"
He let out a cough. "Er...of course! Heh, heh...I mean...houses and...stuff," he gulped. "OH MY GOD, LOOK, A DISTRACTION!!!"
"Pfft. God, I pulled that the first day I was here, it actually worked too." I continued looking at the scary as hell raccoon as he continued to point off to the side, his eyes darting back and forth between me and the 'distraction'. "I even used the exact same words."
"You guys see that?" I asked, pointing at the masked pony. "What the hell is he doing with that mask?"
I finally got fed up and just looked. The sooner I could get over and done with the inevitable 'Ha, can't believe you fell for that!' the better. What I saw actually managed to silence my brain for a few seconds. It was the freaking slender man. Black suit, smooth, featureless face. But it was a pony. Huh. Well then.
"Well, if I had to make an assumption, I would assume thats this worlds version of the slenderman. If your Equestria lines up enough with mine, that would be the Long Pony. A mason by the name of Shadow Stone. Who if the lore is to be believed, does 'something' to those that hurt others for no reason. Or mock the work of a mason. Either of you mock the work of a mason recently?" I was remarkably calm for staring straight at the 'slenderman'. Apparently my brain had taken a holiday.
"Slender Man?" Rocket whispered. "We're staring at gosh darn pooty headed Slender Man?" He gulped, "We're so gloriously screwed." As he said that the creature's head snapped towards us, and Rocky let out a sharp hiss.
"Just ignore him and keep walking. As long as you don't do anything to piss him off, he shouldn't bother you. You haven't oppressed anyone or, again, mocked any masons recently, have you?"
He shrugged, "Don't think so, but I think you're thinking that he's the same as yours a little too much. I have an expert plan."
"What," I scoffed as I continued on, " You're going to SHOOT the immortal ghost pony that killed a guy just by SHOUTING at him? Or maybe you'll shoot him? Shooting always works oh so well on those undead, non corporeal types, doesn't it?" I asked snarkily.
"That wasn't my plan. I was just going to suggest running. But now he's gone there's not really any point." He said, hopping up on my back again. "Anyway, the village shouldn't be too far ahead now."
~~~~~~~~Two hours later~~~~~~~~
"My hooves hurt, I'm thirsty, you're heavy are we there yet?" I whined, way past caring at the comfort of my companions.
He let out a groan, "Almost. Will you stop complaining?! I haven't complained once!"
"Well you haven't walked for the past five hours, so I can see why you're so dang comfortable..."
"Yeah, you're right. It is pretty comfy. Think I'll take a nap." I could practically FEEL his shit eating grin directed at the back of my head.
"Oh no," I intoned, jolting painfully on my hooves. It probably caused me more pain than it caused him discomfort. "Looks like we're coming across some bumpy ground here~. If only there wasn't so much weight on my back, I might be able to provide a smoother ride!" I paused momentarily, reflecting on the horrible choice in words I selected. "No homo."
He pressed himself against the back of my neck and head, slowly started stroking my hair and creepily whispered in my ear, "Yes homo," before running his tongue over my ear.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NONO NO NO NO NO NO NO
I will admit. I acted rashly. I bucked the creepy little squirrel straight into a tree trunk.
"Are...you all right?"
He started laughing, "So unbelievably worth it!" and giggled before beginning to climb a tree. "Give me a minute, I need to see where it is." After checking it out he climbed back down grinning, "Just up ahead!" he rushed forwards, "Come on!"
"You said 'just up ahead,' hours ago. Is this ACTUALLY just up ahead, or are you just trying to make me feel better?" I sighed.
"It really is just up ahead! Look!" Rocky pulled apart some bushes to reveal a village. "Well?"
He pulled aside a large swathe of bushes, and lo and behold, there actually was a bunch of houses and....ponies staring at us.
Hmmm.
An earth pony mare, a living tree, and a raccoon with an inferiority complex walk into a-no, no, no, stop me if you've heard this one before.
Regardless, we did make a motley crew. AND NO ONE WAS SAYING ANYTHING. JUST STARING AT US. Pretty sure they had to breathe at some point in time, they couldn't stay silent forever.
It wasn't long before a stallion began to scream like a girl. "Monsters! Murderers! GUARDS!!! GUARDS!!!"
"Oh dear god," I muttered, a perverse sense of dejavu hitting me. "Its just like the damned farm all over again."
I pulled the shiny ball and chain of a medal from around my neck(Its just a small, polished circle of metal with equestrian text on it, along with the signet of a sun yingyanging with the moon) and held it up as high as I could. "EVERYPONY QUIET!" I yelled, actually managing to snap the stallion out of his destructive rant. And yes. I said everypony. I hate myself for that line, but when pretending to be a pony...I guess...."I am here on business from Canterlot. If you attempt to shun my guards in any way, shape size or form, I will be most displeased by your lack of harmonious intent and action, and WILL detail as such in my report to the diarchy."
Hopefully none of them knew enough about 'diplomat of the diarchy' status to know I was blowing as much as I could out of my ass. I might be able to remember enough from my books to formulate a feasible semblance of understanding regarding the law, but if they called me out on this...
"Now, before we were waylaid by a group of bandits, I believe I had an appointment with the mayor of this...fine...burg?" I tried to make my speach as lilting and pretentious as I could. Might as well play the part, right?
"I am Groot." Tree man hissed at me as quietly as he could.
"Seriously Wade, the snozzberries do you think you're doing?" Rocky hissed at me as well.
"Getting us into a position of endearment, hopefully away from the mob of horses that could make our life difficult, and subsequently putting us in a room with an individual of office that can protect us from said mob, once we explain ourselves. You got a better idea? Perhaps, shooting at everything and everyone in sight like a lunatic?"
The little suicidal jerk GRINNED."Actually, yeah, that sounds fun." I tried to cow him with a glare. My glares are more frowns though... "I was joking! Jeez, fine! We'll do it your way. Lead the way."
We were led to a large hall looking place by guy we first met, and "Excuse me ma'am," started a posh looking stallion with a hairdoo that looked like a powder wig like ye olde time judges wore. "You are, ahem, the representatives from Canterlot? Yes? I will admit, we do appreciate your expedient arrival, I hadn't actually expected you to arrive until sometime next week... I understand the rural nature of our little...'burg' causes nothing but stress for you higher ups..Oh but where are my manners, my name is Mayor Mane-" Seriously? Another horse in office NAMED Mayor? That HAD to have been uncomfortable growing up. "And is my distinct pleasure-" he glared at the stallion that had screamed like a little girl, causing him to wander off with an ashamed look on his face. "- to welcome you to our fine home of Fapsville!" That...okay, screw you multilingual translation spell, now I KNOW you're screwing with me. There's no way this should have flied.
"The pleasure really is all ours, Mr Mane. Now if we could discuss this in private? Perhaps in your office?" He sounded...too sure of himself. Shit, he probably knew I wasn't here on appointment. Well, at least we were away from all the little pony people that could have surrounded us and been shot to death by a certain homicidal raccoon...
"My thanks." I replied before we entered the room.
Just to be surrounded by a roomful of white coated ponies in golden armor. One of them stepped forwards, his armor purple with a starburst emblem and his mane two different shades of blue. "You are under arrest by the order of Princess Celestia of Equestria!" He declared. Great. I traded the untrained civvies for the freaking GUARD. To hell with it, I didn't care anymore.
"Well then. I think this is more your scene," I gestured towards Rocky, "So I'm just going to sit this one out. Rest my aching hoovsies." And with that I walked past a stunned guard trying to menace me with a spear, and plopped my equine behind on a lounge chair/couch thing. "Have fun. I tried to be diplomatic. Since they don't really wanna talk, or be reasonable, INTELLIGENT adults, I don't really see what else 'I' personally can do. Wake me when its over."
"Fine. Let's try things your way, kid." What? Rocky Raccoon being a normal human being? Preposterous. He turned towards the leader of the troupe."What exactly are the grounds for my arrest?"
Blue Hair blinked, as if he just expected them to attack. Not blaming him. Placing his spear down he glowered at the little varmint. "Murder. The group of ponies in Trottingham and then in the woods near Trottingham was the slaughtered camp of Diamond Dogs. While I only had orders about the two of you, I'll have to arrest you too, ma'am." Great. At least once I got pulled back, I wouldn't have to deal with this any more. Have fun explaining that empty prison cell, or whatever they detained baddies in.
"What?" Rocky angrily hissed. "You are arresting us for killing bandits and slavers?!" He yelled, his claw twitching towards his gun. "We did your job for you!" He bared his fangs. "We saved countless lives! And you're arresting us for that?!"
"Penal code one five eighteen of the solar proclamation. Any use of excessive or lethal force within the borders of Equestria, regardless if it be warranted or not, is punishable within a court of law. So, who exactly are the witnesses testifying against us? Do you have magic chronometer scans to back up said claims? I sure hope you're not wasting our time without any proof." I rattled off, still in my reclined position. The chronometer scans only pertained to a scene that didn't have physical witnesses, so he might just dismiss that part. All in all, thank you for that book, you perverted world of sexed up creeps.
The captain looked stunned. "I...I'm sorry. But as a suspect your word and all potential statements that would make this arrest null has been made void by Special Decree six two of the Solar Proclamation. I'm sorry. Witnesses put them at the scene of one of the crimes and the wounds and residue match the Diamond Dog's."
Rocky groaned and eyed the guards. "So. Ponies won't accept me. What about that other species you mentioned?"
Changelings? They might...or they might just as easily not. Better not to get his hopes up. "The Changelings? They...don't tend to trust outsiders much."
He sighed. "So it comes to this." He pulled out his guns and the guards took up defensive positions. "What...will happen to me?"
The captain narrowed his eyes, "I...don't know exactly. You'll probably spend years in Canterlot dungeon. Maybe...maybe even for the rest of your life. But the Princesses are kind and just. They...they'll do everything they can to keep it fair. I swear it on my honor as the Captain of the Royal Guard."
"What's your name?" Rocky asked.
"Shining Armor." SHIT. This fob was Twilights brother? DANG. That complicated matters. Or maybe not. Always a chance I could talk us out of this...
"Sorry," No Rocky what are you doing-"but I don't plan on getting locked up! Groot, now!" On command Groot slammed the guards aside, then Treebeard grabbed me bodily from the couch, and hoisted me over his shoulder. Then the crazy twig leaped through a window. Thank god none of the glass managed to cut me. Or him, I guess. When he landed, Rocky leapt out through the same window, also avoiding getting cut. Lucky bastard. He clambered up onto Groots other arm, we all took off into the forest.
"S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-so-o-o-oo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-o-o-o-oo-o-o-oo-o-o-o-o-oo-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u, suuuuuuuuuuure leeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaave quiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan iiiiiiimpreeeeeeeeeeeesion-" I managed to get out, bumping along as I was on the non shock absorbent tree shoulder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We left the town far behind us, and Groot placed Rocky and myself in a clearing in the forest. "KRUTACKING WANKERS!!! Wonderful PIECES OF SHIT!!! BURN IN A Marvelous OVEN, YOU Bad People!!!" Leeeeeeeeeeet it all out you crazy little raccoon you. better in than out. "How could they do this? I saved lives, is that not important to them?! Not allowed to kill to save a life?! Put in a dungeon for the rest of my life?!" He turned to me, "How's this standing up to your Equestria so far?" he asked harshly.
"Can't say I'm a fan, honestly. Shot at by a trigger happy...guy. Had to walk for half a day, then attacked by a group of exceptionable rude individuals. And THEN, we get to civilization. And I just go and prove I'm absolutely useless. Honestly, I'm not sure why you even called me here, I've been more of a hindrance than anything..." I trailed off, laying down on the ground. I wasn't in a depressive slump, I just wanted to collect my thoughts. What exactly had I done to help?
He shook his head, "Kid, while you might not've done anything, you've been helpful. You planted seeds of doubt about us in that captain's head, you kept a cool head in a tough situation, you helped us, you listened to us when we needed it. Besides, Groot likes you, and I'm starting to agree. Don't think yourself useless, you're smart, that's sometimes all you need," he chuckled, "Never told you my name, did I? Let me properly introduce myself. Name's Rocket. So, any clue as to where to go from here?"
"Well...not sure how exactly the laws from the book I read follow your Equestria, not even sure exactly how well I'm remembering all this." I lifted my head, "But you could seek sanctuary from the gryphon empire, if they actually ARE an empire in this world. You'd have to undergo a challenge of right to receive citizenship, but from what I read they're always looking for strong additions. If you're accepted, you'll receive diplomatic immunity. Or you should, anyway. They'd probably give you a puffed up punishment, like house arrest or something to appease the diarchy. Still, you might be able to get into an amiable talking situation if they weren't trying to throw you in chains..." I trailed off. Even if they did manage to worm their way into the gryphon government, that type of situation could take up to YEARS to come to fruition. "Or, you could just go around Equestria and try to gain favor. If you had a big enough movement behind you, the princesses wouldn't dare detain you. They pride themselves on the harmony they have throughout the land, if the happiness of the inhabitants rests on your own well-being then they'll try to stay in your favor." Made sense in my head anyway.
He nodded, "That sounds better, I'm not the kind of guy to just run and beg for help. Looks like my plan after all, huh, Groot?"
"I am Groot" He looked over at me. "I am Groot? I am Groot." Bah. not like I approved. There's a reason Batman is never shown working with the law.
"Well, I think you'd be best off finding an Apple family member, seeing as theirs is the largest family in Equestria. If you can get in good with one of them, they'll end up spreading your fame to the other members of the family, and that would end up spreading your good name all over the place. And just as a tip?" I pointed towards Rockets guns, "The Equestrians are absolutely mental about lethal force. Killing folks isn't doing anything for your image, regardless of whether or not you think its justified. Just try above and beyond to cripple, not kill from now on. If the civies see you going above and beyond to exhaust all options before resorting to such an easy, brutal solution? They'll think that much more of you."
Rocket nodded, "Aim for the extremities, got it." he narrowed his eyes, "But if it comes down to using lethal force or failing to save someone, I'm going for lethal force every time." He looked away, "I'm not going to let someone die because of me."
"Be that as it may. If you can find a way to end it peacefully, do so. You'll never gain their trust if they view you as a threat."
Snarky little raccoon rolled his eyes at me, "Duh. I'm not an idiot."
"I am Groot?" Groot asked, a grin on his face.
"Oh, shut up." He chuckled. "All right, we better get moving before they come after us. Any idea which way we should go, Groot?"
He looked around before scooping up a handful of dirt. "hmmm" He creaked his wood, as he let the dirt fall to the ground. "I...am Groot?" He pointed. "I am Groot."
Rocket raised an eyebrow. "The dirt feels different? Yeah, way to make sense."
"I am Groot." He shot back, leading the way through the trees.
After a few minutes he jumped back up onto my back again. "How's it going, Wadey? Liking the new digs? I call it, forest with fugitives."
He dug his claws into my back, and I suppressed a wince. "Knowing the violent occurrences that follow you two like a bad stench, I wouldn't doubt it. I'm going to go ahead and call it though, diamond dogs." I suppressed a grin and continued. "Diamond dogs with magic of some sort. And all of them wearing hammer pants. Plus, for no reason whatsoever, they'll all have french accents."
He laughed hysterically. "Tha...th..." He burst into another round of laughter. "Good one! Oh, I'd love to see that!" It wasn't long before Groot stopped. "What's up Groot?"
"I am...Groot." Groot warned. "I am Groot."
Rocket nodded, "Of course." He leaped off me and charged ahead. "YEAAAAAAHHHH!!!" What the hell. says one thing and does another. Why am I still surprised?
"I am Groot!" Groot said as we came into the clearing Rocket had run off to."I...I am Groot?"
We stared at the grey, small, cube shaped spaceship thing that was crashed into a ditch in the middle of the clearing. It had no wheels but a set of high tech looking bumps, the doors looked like the kind of things you'd see in a space station, airlocks. The windows were black and looked futuristic. In fact, the entire thing did. The back had a large gash on it and several boxes were spilled out.
"Uhhh, correct me if I'm wrong, but this isn't an Equestria where they put Luna on the moon by dropping her off with a spaceship, is it? They aren't flying around in hovercars and the village I saw was only an Amish setup?" I asked, a slight waver to my voice.
"Uh...n...no. The history book said...no. No spaceships. Hey! Come on, guys!" Rocket said, running towards the spaceship.
"I am Groot?" Groot asked.
"If we can get this thing working we can have a mobile base! And look! Party favors! Hey! It even has a stun setting!"
"YAAAAARGHHHHHHH!!! I DON'T WANNA GO IN THE WATER IT...shrivels...my...giblets?" I trailed off, a tremendous headache swelling behind my brow. My extremities twitched and shook, my hooves and hocks feeling like I had just downed three monsters in quick succession. "Phew....we were... space ship," I rose to a standing position, trying to shake myself out of my funk. "We, they were, ship and saw...what the hell happened?"Oh goodie, I managed to re-acquire the ability to speak like a normal person. "Why do I-" I sniffed a couple times, wiggling my back legs to confirm my suspicions. "Did I... piss myself?"
"Uh..." The demonic little jerk stuttered, trying to hide some sort of rifle behind his back, "A...unicorn came out of the woods and hit you with some spell before running off. He got away and you wouldn't wake up, so...uh...I...uh, Groot crushed your leg. You transformed into a human and then back to a pony and your injuries...diss...appeared...Yeah, you pissed yourself."
His excuse smelled worse than the puddle of uria staining the insides of my legs. "I...I'm not even gonna ask. I don't care. Whatever you did," I rubbed my temple, "Please don't do it again. And a tip from a liar. Don't make lies based off of something you don't understand." I raised my left foreleg, showing off my watch. "This tracks how much magic energy I have left. I had twenty six back when I first did this morph earlier. Seeing as the counter hasn't dipped any lower, that means I haven't demorphed or morphed since then." I lowered my leg, turning and trying to paw through a shattered crate to look for perhaps a towel. Something to dry myself off. "When you lie, use the truth to back it up. Otherwise people immediately suss it out and it just reflects badly on you."
"Whatever, bedwetter." I threw a thingy from the box at his head. "Ow." He muttered,"What's the matter, bedwetter?" He teased as Groot started moving the crates. "Don't like the name? Too bad. Joking aside, what's up north? North sounds like a good place. Oh yeah, you keep comparing this Equestria to the same place along the timeline as yours. It might be earlier or later. Just saying."
"Haven't seen anything to confirm that or compare to..." I muttered, pulling out another tube. "What the hell does-NYEHEAFG." The tube lit up, becoming a freaking lightsaber. I will admit, I dropped the damn thing. Thankfully it turned off as soon as it hit the ground.
"Huh. Another one." He muttered. "They're, uh, like stun rods from what I can tell. Take it, it might help if you're in trouble. Seems to be mild shock only. Perfect for someone like you."
I picked up the tube, and inspected it. A non lethal weapon? Sure, why not. I tucked it into my hair(I had noticed by now that pony hair was prehensile. it would fall out when I morphed back, but its not like I brought my backpack with me...) "Sure. Thanks. Maybe you should take one too, give you more options than 'shoot it in the head', ya know?"
"Already have, little man. Besides I think we'll set up camp here, go through the crates, try and get that thing working." He looked like he was about to say more when the stun rod in my hair shimmered. "Hey, pass that back a second." I raised an eyebrow, but complied. He turned in over in his claws. A blue wisp flew out of his mouth and into the Shocker. He blinked at the thing and was about to pass it back when a brown wisp flew in. We both looked over to Groot, who was shaking his head. He finally passed it back to me. "Hey, uh, try calling for help from us through that."
I stared at the tube with a raised eyebrow. Taking it back in a hair strand, a familiar voice echoed around me.
"Hey, uh, try calling for help from us through that."
"Well. Guess that works. Cool." I tucked it back in the increasingly messy mop of hair atop my head. I looked over at Groot, who was obviously trying to stifle a laugh.
"Maybe, hopefully, that's now one of those summon things. Uh, call us if you need help, like, you're being attacked, or where you live has bandit trouble." He let out a grin. "Or a snob needs putting in his place."
"Sure thing. And its actually attached to something useful. I've already almost used Aurics coin as a normal bit twice, and I literally can't think of a way to use a bell except as a trophy. Maybe I should get a loop thingy welded to it, so I can hang it on my belt?"
"Hang what on your belt?" Twilight asked, peeking over the top of her pad of paper, where she was still scrabbling away on. Friggin scientist.
What? I didn't even get the 'hook feeling' in my gut this time. One second I was there, the next I was back in Twilights castle. At least I didn't come back by landing on my face.
"When did...you morph?" Great, no time had passed here apparently. That meant my sleep schedule was going to be even more out of whack.
"Different Equestria. Been there for like, half a day."
She sniffed the air, lowering her pad of paper. "Is that..." Her eyes narrowed. "Why do you smell like urine?"
Oh yeah, that. Honestly slipped my mind. "That would be because....uh...well...I pissed myself, and I don't know precisely why. I think it might have something to do with one of my new friends accidentally shooting me with a futuristic gun of some sort."
"...'Friends'. Right. Well that stinks, so go take a shower or something. Wait, would that stay if you morphed back?" A good question. I wonder...
"I don't know? I never noticed dirt or dust or otherwise shifting from my coat to my clothes...Never payed attention though."
"Well go clean up then, you're dripping on the carpet." With that, she lowered her eyes to her pad of paper again, that stupid quill fluttering away.
While I stood in her bathroom, I made a good discovery.
"That doesn't change the fact that for me, with all the instructions you've given me, that clearly spells out 'aohgfsilgbvavi'(I actually tried to vocalize it, unsuccessfully). This just isn't working Twilight, its STILL just being translated into gibberish."
"GAH!" She retorted, wandering off down a crystal hallway.
So in short, trying to teach me binary worked out about as well as trying to teach me Equish. Horribly.
"I'm going out!" I called down the hallway she had disappeared in.
"WHY?" she called back.
"BORED." And with that, I tried to find the front door. Emphasis on the word 'try'. Almost a week here, and I still hadn't been able to chart a mental map. I managed to find some sort of...crystal warehouse. Just rows upon rows of stacks of crystals and gemstones of some sort. It eventually happened though, I managed to actually find the front door. And who do I find there but-
"Hi!" Annoying Pink belted out, halfway in the front door.
"Damnit Pinkie," I uttered, dragging her inside and closing the door, "Why don't you just let everyone in Ponyville know there's a human living at Twilights? I'm sure if you hurried up, I could get dissected by some sort of nutjob by nightfall."
She looked me with a quizzical look for a couple seconds, before breaking out into a huge smile. "Oh, you're being sarcastic!"
"...Yeah, I'm being sarcastic," I was going out anyway, so I might as well get a morph done as soon as possible. I started my Flutterbat morph. It was risky with Q out and about, but apparently Fluttershy had talked to him, and he had agreed to only lightly prank me when he saw me.
Better than nothing, I guess.
I had already found gooey substance on my hooves three times, a thick vicsious fluid that reapeared several times when I managed to clean it off. I wouldn't do Flutterbat, but Ferdinando didn't like the wondertwins hair. According to Fluttershy, anyway. I had yet to be able to understand him besides the standard charades.
She had brought him back yesterday, the day after I had apparently adopted him. She ambushed me at Twilights, touting an entire basket of bat treats(apparently he would fend for himself, mostly eating mealworms) along with several help books detailing specialty care. Couldn't read them, to her dismay. She made me promise to protect him with my life, in an extremely scary fashion. All low growls and rage filled stares.
"...Euuughhhhh...You couldn't have given me a warning?" Annoying Pink asked, hiding her mouth behind a hoof. Hey, if you can't stand the heat, yadda yadda yadda.
"Sorry. If you're looking for Twilight shes...somewhere in there," I waved a hoof off towards the maze of hallways.
"Oh, she's currently in her second secret lab, located behind the magic painting." She...second? What?...
I didn't have time to ask her anything, seeing as she started bouncing off down the hallway. Soon enough the enigma was gone, so I made my own way out the door.
Rarity's store was closed, a sign claiming 'Nyeagjhfo Bejoifri Bloithugoe'. At least according to what Twilight had taught me so far. I assume it said something like 'be back soon'. Great. I knew Sweetiebelle didn't live there, but it had been the only place I could reliably find her for our games. So I couldn't just hang around, that'd be creepy. And I couldn't just walk up to someone and ask 'Hey, do you know who Sweetiebelle is? I swear I'm not a creeper, but can you tell me where she lives?' I don't care how much of a positive view Ponyville apparently had of me. That would only end in tears.
"Are you looking for Rarity?" came a voice off to my right. Turning to look revealed an orange tailed and haired mare with a carrot on her butt. Imma call her Carrot Top. "Flutter-...No, you're Wade right?" Yeah, I guess Flutterbat isn't close enough to Fluttershy to escape close scrutiny. Oh well, this cut down on the time clarifying who I actually was.
"Yeah, thats me. And you are?" I asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry, my name is Golden Harvest." Too bad Carrot Top, I'm still going to be calling you this in my head.
"Hi. I think I met you at Pinkies party. To answer your question, I was actually looking for Rarity's sister, me and her have been playing each other chess for the past few days now."
"You mean Sweetiebelle? You do know she doesn't live here, right?" Oh gee, I never would have guessed.
"I know, but this is where we've been meeting. Would've asked some...pony," I stumbled over the colloquial term, as unused to it as I was. "Where I could find her, but I thought that would be a tad creepy."
"Why?" she asked, confusion stamped on her face. Could she really be this naive?
"I...sorry, cultural differences. Since apparently it isn't...weird of me to ask, would you happen to know where she lives?"
"Yeah, I'm good friends with Pearl, her mother. Although she's probably not at home right now," she stated, giving a soft smile.
"I...Why would you think that?" I led, prompting her to continue.
"Well," she started, letting out a giggle, "It is a school day. I would have to assume that she'd be where all the other foals her age are at this time of day. The schoolhouse."
Huh. Well I guess it was rather stupid of me to think that someone her age wouldn't be in school. The ponies may be a bit technologically backward, but they were by no means stupid. Now just came the concern if I could go and wait at the school. I sure as heck couldn't take Sweetiebelle away from her studies just for a silly game. Even for my own amusement.
"Well," I started, parroting her previous sentence, "Do you think they'd mind a stranger coming by to wait for a student? Or at the very least, to see how they do things here in Ponyville?" Honestly, sitting still and watching someone teach is one of the most boring things I can imagine. Better than anything I could have done at Twilights, though.
"Oh! I'm sure they'd love that! My niece, Fall Weather convinces me to come in for show and tell every once in a while. The schoolhouse is," she turned to the left, pointing off down the road, "about ten minutes walk from here. You'll probably have to wait for them to start a recess or lunch before being able to talk to Cheerilee, though."
"Who?" I asked. First time I had heard that name.
"Cheerilee is the schoolteacher. I'm sure if you asked, she'd let you tell the class about your work at the C.C.R..."
Yeah. I'd get right on that. As soon as I actually knew what the heck it was I did. Besides bunk at Twilights, mooching off her hospitality and doing dick all concerning changelings or changeling relations.
"Well thanks for the information, I'll just let you get back to your day..." I trailed off, unsure as to how to continue. I couldn't just tell this lady to 'go away, I'm done talking to you now'.
"So... are you going to be in town... long?" she asked, metaphorically waving away my parting words.
"Just until the princesses student manages to find a way to reverse my... condition." I lied, flaring Flutters wings before tucking them tightly against my sides again. "Beyond that, it is a rather nice place, I don't think I'd be that averse to sticking around awhile afterwards. But I do have a job to get back to, I can't rely on the princesses paying off my bills for the rest of my life."
"Yes, I can imagine that would be something important to you... so you should still be here for the next week or so?" she ventured.
"Umm...yes? I guess so?"
"That's great! Because I was wondering... maybe... would you like to get something to eat, maybe lunch or dinner or something?"
I stared at her for a couple seconds. Not every day I get asked out by a carrot colored pony. Not exactly unwanted attention, coming from a female, but in the end it was attention coming from a female HORSE. A bit out of my comfort range.
"Well, I don't want to insult you, but you do realize I am originally a male, regardless of a majority of the forms I've taken, right?" I didn't really want to accuse her of being a lesbian to her face, but if she was that might provide me an out to this situation.
"Oh, I know, I did listen to the explanation given at the party. And I don't want to insult you," She blushed, scuffing at the ground with a hoof. "I do have ulterior objectives in asking you out..."
"Such as?" I prodded, seeing as she was starting to clam up. If she didn't get this out in the open now, she might try to bother me with this at a later time.
"Well...I...you know Fluttershy, right?"
I took a moment to slowly walk in place, making a pirouetting circle. Once I was facing her again, I gave her a 'jazz hands' with Flutters wings.
"I think it would be safe to assume that yes, yes I do," I stated with a short laugh.
"Oh! Yeah, of course you do, I just meant..." she stopped, trying to find the words to say, "Well, if you could just help me out with this, I think after getting comfortable with somepony that looks like her..." her voice dipped to a whisper, and I noticed she was having a hard time looking at me. "I might be able to ask her out for real."
Damnit. I really didn't want to get in the middle of something like this. Bad enough that she'd just be using me for her own goals, but if I agreed I'd be obligated to sit through a meal with someone that I didn't specifically want to, pretending to enjoy myself. I'd gone out with people I had no interest in before,(more than one friend that couldn't get with a girl unless they provided someone to go out with said girl's less than amiable friend.) and to date I had yet to find someone that I had actually romantic interest in. With this sort of thing, even that would be off the table. Eschewing the fact that she was a HORSE, I would just be doing this to help her try and woo the butter shaded pegasus.
On the other hand, it might mean a free meal. All my meals were technically free, seeing as Twilight basically paid for...well... everything. But to be able to get out of the castle for a night... that was pretty tempting.
"One condition," I stated, her eyes suddenly glistening with excitement, "This isn't a date. For both sides. For you, it's a possibility to get over your ironic shyness with the shyest pony in town. For me, it's a free meal and a chance to get out of the friendship castle and away from Twilights endless lectures dictating how she has little to no idea about how to turn me back to normal." The last part was mostly true, but substitute 'back to normal' with 'back home'. "Add to that the benefit of getting to spend my evening with an attractive young mare," I managed to not stumble on the word 'mare', but it still felt awkward on my tongue.
"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to put such an imposition on you out of the blue."
"And then there's the issue of the fact that the form changing isn't exactly... voluntary. Or controllable. I might have to give you a raincheck if I happen to look like somepony else. Flutterbat and what looks like a female Big Macintosh do seem to be my most frequent faces, though."
"Oh! I... hadn't really... considered that..." In reality, I could just look like Flutterbat whenever I wanted, barring a lack of energy. Even that might not stop me. I hadn't really tried to morph when the watch said I was too low.
"All right then... hows tomorrow night sound to you? If you get cold hooves, or if the roulette doesn't saddle me with Flutterbat, we can reschedule. That sound good to you?"
She took a moment to think, then gave me a nod. I said my goodbyes, and we both set off on our separate ways. It wasn't going to be a pleasant thing, and maybe I'd just end up brushing her off repeatedly by changing into Spike, or maybe Sweetiebelle. Speaking of changing into Sweetiebelle...
A smile crept it's way across my face, as I felt an idea forming in my head.
"Sorry I'm late!" chirped Sweetiebelle, standing in the doorway of the Ponyville schoolhouse. This in itself might not have been too odd, seeing as although her attendance record was spotless, she was notorious for being late. Her, Applebloom and Scootaloo, the bunch. Cheerilee wished they would just get up earlier, instead of rushing to school like madmares every day.
Regardless, the fact that Sweetiebelle was late wasn't anything new. What was new however, was the fact that she was already sitting in her desk, looking toward the newcomer in confusion.
"What are you doing here?" the Sweetiebelle at the door asked the seated one. "I thought you were going to go dragon hunting or something today..."
Well this was just getting ridiculous. Cheerilee couldn't fathom what was going on, but it stank of a prank.
"If you would please Sweetiebelle, you are late. It seems all the desks are taken, but I'm sure Sweetiebelle wouldn't mind if you sat next to her on the floor, would you Sweetiebelle?" There. Whoever this newcomer was, if they wanted to crash the class they could very well participate, too.
"No, I don't mind," Stated the sitting Sweetiebelle.
"See Sweetiebelle, Sweetiebelle doesn't mind."
The Sweetiebelle standing in the doorway was visibly shaken, much to Cheerilees delight. So this one was a fake...probably Discord in disguise. Well if he wanted to play around, he could stand to learn something as well.
"We were just about to go over some basic math. You can just follow along with Sweetiebelle, alright Sweetiebelle?"
The supposed Discord/Sweetiebelle sat down next to the one already seated, looking slightly disappointed. The rest of the class was heavily interested in the new guest, stealing glances and whispering among themselves. There were a couple frenzied whispers shot between the two, before Cheerilee shushed the entire class.
"Now, can anypony tell me what 7 times 10 is?"
~-------------------------
That...didn't go how I planned at all. That being said, I didn't start off with much of a plan. I just intended to show up, make some fuss. What ended up happening is that I wussed out and just bent to a random shoolteachers whims. I will say this, she barely batted an eye when I showed up, she must have been through some shit when two of the same child showing up wasn't enough to garner a reaction.
"So you see, multiplication is in simplicity, just adding the number in question to itself, however many times you are multiplying it."
God damn it. I already went though all this shit in school, and something as basic as multiplication was just...boring. I couldn't even talk to anyone, the one time I tried to talk to Sweetiebelle, the dang teacher shushed me. I was simply too close to the front, if only Sweetiebelle had taken a seat back a row. As it stood, I heard more than a few whispers that apparently escaped the teachers notice. Couldn't say I heard it all, but I swear I heard someone say 'great, theres two of them now. what a freakshow'. Little brat.
Eventually, some form of recess rolled around, and we were allowed to mill around outside. I was immediately mobbed by Sweetiebelle, Applebloom and who I can only assume was 'Scootaloo' based on her orange and purple color scheme. The rest of the schoolchildren hung back, playing in their little groups, but I could see every once in a while one of them shoot a glance over at us.
"So who the hay is the real Sweetiebelle?" Scootaloo asked, poking her muzzle right up close to me, inspecting me to the best of her ability.
"Me," Sweetiebelle stated, smiling at her friends confusion.
"Her," I supplied, unwilling to play along any longer.
"Why are you here, Wade? Don't think I didn't like the way Cheerilee almost freaked out, but it is kinda weird. You didn't say you were gonna come by, I don't think you ever even asked..."
"This is Wade?" Scootaloo asked, leaning in closer and prodding at my cheek, apparently trying to 'rub' my 'disguise' off.
"Stop that," I snapped, brushing her offending hoof away, " And yes, I'm Wade. Pleasure to meet a friend of Sweetiebelle's. We actually met before, you pointed at my butt, gasped, then buzzed off on your scooter. A little rude to be honest."
"Sorry..." Scootaloo trailed off, scuffing at the ground, "I just never saw an adult without a cutie mark before...I guess it makes sense, seeing as you're..." she leaned in close, her voice dipping down to a whisper. "A humane, right?"
What was with this town? I swear, if any more people knew about me, I could start walking around like normal and no one would be surprised by something new.
"Seriously? What about the word 'secret' do you ponies not get?" I directed towards Sweetiebelle. "Is there anyone you haven't told yet? I mean, Applebloom already knew, but I thought you'd at least not spread it any further than that..."
"Scoots our friend," Applebloom piped up, "You can trust her, she's super trustful and stuff!"
"Whatever. Well, seeing as my prank fell flat, I guess I'll just head back to Twilights."
"Yer not gonna stick around? I'm sure Cheerilee wouldn't mind if you stayed..." Applebloom whined.
"Indeed I wouldn't, but I'm afraid I'd have to insist you come clean as to your actual identity...Discord," claimed the schoolteacher, who was apparently standing right behind me. I'd have to figure out how these ponies were so damn stealthy, even since they had huge clompy hooves. The fact that she assumed I was Discord wasn't that much of a surprise. Who else around here could mimic the form of a foal? Even a changeling had their limits.
"Ummm...not Discord." I coughed, feeling the stares of everyone on the playground. "I met you a few days ago? At Pinkies Party? I will admit I looked a bit different. A bit more red, a bit older?"
The gears clicked, and her demeanor changed from defensive to welcoming. "Wade? I...oh....I didn't know you could even look like...well, a foal, to be honest."
"Believe me, the affliction isn't voluntary, but I got a lucky roll of the dice. Well, it would have been better if my prank wasn't immediately squashed by a certain steady headed schoolteacher." I scuffed at the dust, my irritation showing.
"So are you gonna stay now? Can he stay? Pleeaaaase?" came from the troublesome trio, each hitting the teacher with their best impression of a care bear stare.
"I think it might just be better if I were to go now. Maybe come back once I don't look like one of the students. It would cause a little less confusion, and I didn't exactly make an appointment. Hows tomorrow work for you...Cheers?" Crap, I already forgot her name. And Applebloom even said her name less than a minute ago...craaaaaap.
"It's Cheerilee. And I don't see why not, do you want to talk to the class about the C.C.R. or your condition? I'm sure that would make an interesting free writing assignment..." she trailed off, lost in her own thoughts.
"I...don't see why not...Oh! Almost forgot. Sweetiebelle. Chess later?" I asked, addressing Sweetiebelle.
"Well...I kinda already promised Applebloom and Scootaloo we'd go and try to get our cutie marks in extreme quill surfing... you can join us if you like?"
Extreme...quill...surfing. By god if that didn't sound like one of the most terrifying things ever. Even if I had no idea what the hell it was. It still sounded scary beyond all belief. How the hell did you even begin to do something as kooky as surfing on quills? There wasn't an ocean around for days!
"I...thanks for the offer, but that sounds a bit too...extreme for my tastes. You wouldn't be unhappy if I said no, would you?
"Awwwwwww, you gotta come and hang with us sometime," Scootaloo pouted, placing a hoof on my chest.
"Fine. Just nothing too kiddy or boring, allright?" Or too high tensioned. Quill surfing sounded fake, but I couldn't put it past them to do something so stupid.
"Natch! We'll think up something so cool, it'll knock you off your hooves!" Scootaloo claimed, getting a resounding cheer from Applebloom and Sweetiebelle.
That in itself was a bit troubling.
"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. I guess I'll take my leave, Miss Cheerilee?"
"Very well, I look forward to whatever you have planned for the foals tomorrow."
I said the rest of my goodbyes, carefully ignoring two brats who had very...troubling expressions perched on their faces. I made my way back to the castle, originally having slight trouble reaching the door handle due to my diminished height.
I entered the friendship castle, stopping in the entryway to demorph.
"Twiliiight?!!?" I called down the hall, my voice echoing off the walls. I waited for a few seconds, and waited as they turned into a full minute. I didn't recieve a reply. Guess she was out, or somewhere deep within the catacombs of this freaky castle. Either way, there was a very low chance of finding her. Far be it for that to put me off though. I took off down a random hall, checking every door as I passed.
A green polkadotted door opened to reveal endless crates filled with ping pong balls.
A pink door opened onto an empty room.
A currogated door showed me a small room with a stethascope lying on the floor.
On and on the endless doors continued, each having continuously weirder contents.
I opened a door that had a gradiated purple door, and I thought I saw Twilight inside among the rows of assorted cases and knicknacks. "Hey, Twilight?" She didn't respond, so I entered the room and approached her. Turns out, what I thought was her was just a purple statue. Inspecting it up close, it didn't really look like her at all, it was a statue of an earth pony to boot. Disappointed by my inability to tell the difference between a living being and an inanimate object, I turned to leave.
Turning around, like a big clumsy bull in a china shop my elbow nicked a precarious pile standing next to me. With a sharp yelp a gigantic pile tumbled down on top of me, pinning me with hundreds of pounds of stuff. I struggled, trying to push the random shit off of me, but my efforts were for naught. I was simply not strong enough.
Deciding I had no desire to simply wait around to die or get saved like a complete pansy, I started to morph. I chose Dante because he's a super ultra awesomely strong demon, if I couldn't get this junk off of me with his body then I had no chance in hell.
My body didn't change all that much. A slight stretching, and my arms got noticibly thicker. What the hell, I acquired Dante's devil trigger form, so why the hell was there so little change? Was I just unable to tell due to the mountain of stuff on me?
I pushed upwards, and dislodged the pile from around me easily. Pushing my way out, I found myself waist deep in assorted sundries. It was then I noticed something odd.
I had hair. So I wasn't able to acquire his devil trigger mode? Bullshit! No fair! And something else was off too... My hair, it was...it was too short. It was only a couple inches, max. I reached up and plucked out a single hair, so I could look at it. Black. A thin, silky black hair. Well that made no sense, I somehow managed to get the new version of Dante by acquiring him while in his devil trigger mode? Thats total bullshit! I really needed to figure out just what made my 'magical' escafil device tick, If I got any more surprises I might end up in a bad spot...
I pulled myself the rest of the way out of the pile, accidentally breaking a case that had fallen with me. Pushing aside the splintered wood, my hand brushed against a chunk of metal that shocked me with a burst of static.
"The hell?" I muttered.
I picked up the thing, inspecting it better. It had been inside of a glass case, so I carefully pushed the now broken shards aside. Dante's skin was probably tough enough to withstand it, but I didn't want to take any chances.
It was a triangular necklace, the metal grey with read accents and a ruby set into the center of it. Coming off the top and the edged sides, were a unicorns head and two wings. It was pretty cool looking, I guess.
Digging back through the remains of its case, I was able to find a title card. Maybe if I could figure out what the hell this thing was called-if it even had a name, and the card wasn't simply a reminder to dust in here- I could ask Twilight about it. It had just been sitting in a dusty room among tons of other random junk, It's not it could have been too important.
Turning over the card it read...Jaofjog Dasiuhg
Oh right. Couldn't have just been sent to a world where they spoke English.
I tucked the card into my pocket- my waistline had apparently lost a few inches in the morph, I was going to have to be careful getting free or else my pants would be forever lost in this mountain of stuff.- and thrashed around, trying to free my legs. Popping free in a tumble of random junk, I righted myself and stood up.
It was then that something weird happened.
The necklace heated up, warming my hand.
Looking down at the thing, it started glowing. The smart thing to do in this situation would have been to immediately throw the suddenly glowing object across the room, and hightail it out of there. Instead, I did something extremely stupid, cupping it in both hands and raising it to my face to get a better look at it.
And that's when something really weird happened.
It exploded into little sparklies, drifting around the room lazily. They then coellesced, wrapping around both of my arms. I flapped my limbs and squealed like a pig being led to the slaughter, but it didn't help any. The light clung to my arms like glue, slowly solidifying. When it was finally done, I was surprised by what the dinky little neclace had turned into.
Wrapped tightly around my -Dantes, if you want to argue semantics- forearms were two thick, metal gauntlets that were tinged with red and grey metal.
"So...Twilight keeps a necklace that turns into a pair of human gauntlets in a random room with a bunch of other junk?" I mused to myself, checking the weight of the gloves by throwing a couple punches. They honestly didn't feel heavy, I could barely feel their weight at all. That could have just been Dante's form, though.
I threw a punch towards the wall, getting into the spirit of things. I pulled the punch, not actually touching the wall. I wasn't stupid, Dante's body was obviously more powerful than mine. If I punched the wall in this form, it might crack.
Despite my caution, I still managed to screw up. I threw another punch towards the wall, imagining myself punching through it with a kung fu yell. To my surprise, the gauntlet made a loud click and parts of it slid forward at the end of the punch. With an echoing 'WUMPH' it discharged a mighty blast of air that completely demolished the wall, sending chunks of cystal scattering into the hallway.
"No. No no no. Oh my god, no! Twilight is gonna kill me!" I yelled, frantically trying to pry the gloves off before I destroyed anything else. They were resolute against my efforst, I could see no clasps or buckles. They stayed tight around my forearms, refusing to budge. "Come on you stupid things, get off! Whats the release word? Gloves off? End! Return to a necklace pretty pretty please?"
Nothing happened of my efforts. Instead they seemed to do something akin to meteforically spitting in my face. The turned back into sparkles, and...entered me. I don't really know how to describe it. The just sorta flew into my back and eyes.
Before I knew it, the gauntlets were gone. I was left standing next to the destroyed wall, wondering what the hell I was gonna tell Twilight.
"Tell me what?" the particular stealthy little purple librarian asked, somehow appearing without making a sound from behind me. Apparently I had said that last part out loud.
"Tell you..." I hung my head in shame. I didn't get any downtime to try and fix this before getting punished? No freaking fair at all. "That I found your necklace thing that turns into a pair of gauntlets that can destroy walls?" I looked back from the shattered wall to Twilight, her currious eyes scanning back and forth among the rubble.
"Necklace? Gauntlets? There was nothing like that in that room. Are you sure that's the story you want to go with?" she asked, levitating the scattered chunks of crystal wall into an organized pile.
"I'm not lying, it was in a small wooden and glass case, the necklace had a pegacorn rising out of the top of it, look!" I exclaimed, pulling out the title card from my pocket. "This was in the case with it, it's an item identifier, right? A display title?"
She plucked the slip of laminated paper out of my grasp, hovering it in front of her face. A look of shock flitted across her features, and she took a wild look from me, to the room, and back to me once more.
"The alicorn amulet?!!? But it wasn't supposed to be in this room, this is just a junk room!" she hurriedly rushed around the room, levitating things left and right, searching, "Where is it? The necklace! It has to be here, what happened to it?"
"It turned into a pair of gauntlets," I stated dryly.
"I...what?"
"And then after that they turned into sparkles and flew into my eye."
"...What." Twilight lit up her horn, dropping everything and turning her full attention on me. She dragged her horn light over me, creating a tingling sensation in my skin.
"Nyeagh! Agh, no! God Twilight, that tickles, stop!"
"I don't detect any of the amulets magic in you...But this wall didn't destroy itself..." Twilight continued to mutter to herself, delving back into the rooms mess, before finally giving up.
"We...we can just look into that at a later point in time. I've been looking for you, dinners ready."
Dinner? It was barely noon when I got back!
"What? Twilight, it can't be dinner already, I got back around noon, and I've been exploring at most for a couple hours..."
"It's half past six, you've obviously been at this a bit longer than you suspected. Come on, I got a surprise for you. I got something special for dinner tonight to cellebrate your arrival here in Equestria."
I stared at blankly, "Please tell me you haven't set me up for another Pinkie Pie party. I'm telling you now, it's too damned soon for another one. I don't care if it hurts her feelings, I'm not going."
Twilight laughed at me, a short guffaw that echoed throughout the halls. "Don't worry, it's nothing like that. I noticed how much you were were 'enjoying' yourself, so I decided I'd put together something much less...energetic. Come on, if you want to see it you'll have to just trust me."
I pondered her words, and finally succumbed to my curriosity. "Fine. I'll bite."
"Indeed you will," Twilight remarked, starting off down the hall.
"Wait what? What did you mean? Twilight! Damnit Twilight stop laughing!"
We made our way through the labyrinth, and what took me apparently over five hours of wandering was undone in under five minutes. I really had to ask Twilight for a map.
As I walked into the dining area, I was hit by a familiar scent, one I had been yearning for since I had arrived yet been unable to slake. It was the juicy, savory flavor of meat that hung in the air.
"Is that...?"
"Meat? Yes. After bringing my concerns about your hay reaction to Fluttershy, she informed me that based off of you teeth," I unconsiously drew a hand up to my mouth, wondering when in sam hill the pink and yellow pegasus had been close enough to inspect my teeth, especially without me noticing, "you were an omnivore, like us. With slightly different nutrients that were capable to be absorbed. My own scans confirmed this. You should still be able to eat the synthesized meat, and even the flowers we all partake of," She waved me to take a seat at the table.
"This however, is real meat, imported from the minotaur provinces. Theres less sapient wildlife there, and the minotaurs don't eat meat anyway so it's a profitable trade option for them."
"But you're ponies, you're herbivores!"
“The pony diet is mostly vegetarian, yes.” Twilight stated in a dry tone, titlting her head and reciting, “But that's mostly because there's not enough animal life to support everypony. Physically, we're omnivores, but since meat, other than fish, is hard to get, we've magically altered flowers to contain the same nutrients found in meat needed for higher brain functions. Meat is a very rare commodity that's reserved for special occasions. Even princess Celestia only has meat about four or five meals a year. Most ponies only ever get any on Hearths Warming Day.”
Well if that didn't sound like something she practiced daily, I don't know what did.
"Okay, I guess that makes sense. And hell if I'm going to be stupid enough to say no to a plate of meat."
I guess it's true what they say. If it's a meat you don't know...
A calm, relaxing morning. A calm, relaxing day. A torturous reminder every darned second. Golden Harvest. The heck was I going to do? I didn't really want to go have dinner with a complete stranger, just so she could eventually ask out another person.
I felt so freaking used.
It was while I was wishy-washing my way around the castle, trying to decide if I actually would go or not. I would. I wouldn't. I had to go, I promised I would... I could skip, I did tell her that I could potentially get the wrong form, It wasn't like I was legally bound to acting as a stand in for her weird ass crush.
I was saved from such thoughts by a Displaced summons.
"I summon thee shapeshifter from beyond to aid me in my quest of knowledge!" The voice was definitely female, a soft voice that made me want to reach through the cosmos and hug it. Suffice to say, it basically solved my dilemma as to whether or not I was going to welch on my agreement with Ms Carrot Top.
I accepted the summons, slowly slipping out of the dining room I had been hiding in. Slipping off, into another world.
I fell through the air, stopping as my face collided with the floor. Tiled floor, made of some sort of stone. What was with the multiverse and making me do faceplants? Apparently SOMEONE hated me. Prying my gaze from the floor, I was finally able to take in my surroundings. Oh great, another version of the shows 'main six'.
"Great, ANOTHER Twilight to whine at me whilst taking a mountain of notes. Would you mind waiting, at least till I managed to..." I stopped in my antagonistic musing, noticing the person that had called me. It was Pearl, from Steven Universe.
"Pearl?"
"Why does everyone think i'm her?!" she sighed, "Ah, so you are the shapeshifter. Sorry to summon you abruptly. Were you in the middle of something? Oh gosh, I hate that I interrupted anything!" The Pearl lookalike blushed. "I guess introductions are in order. I'm Crystal Gem, not Pearl."
"A Crystal Gem named Crystal Gem, eh?" I deadpanned as an alternate Fluttershy and Twilight dragged me off the floor. (This was another unicorn version of her, maybe the pegacorn version of her was the one that was uncommon?)"My names Wade Jallecks, pleasure to meet you. And no, I wasn't in the middle of something, The universe just loves causing me physical discomfort."
I took the Pearl lookalikes hand in mine, giving it a single shake before letting go.
She chuckled, her mirth quickly changed as she straightened back up and donned a more serious tone. "Right, so Wade Jallecks? These are my friends." She gestured, guiding her hand over to where the six mares were standing. "Meet Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie." As soon as she said Annoying Pink's name, the sugary devil herself jumped in front of me, bouncing up and down and smiling merrily. "Hi, hi Wade Jallecks! Can I call you Wade-y or maybe Wad, or how about WJ?" She said excited, as she had that calculating look on her face, "We need to have a super special welcome party when we get back to Ponyville! Or maybe we can have an ity-bitty one right now and then have an even bigger one later!" She cheered before gasping in surprise. "MUST. GO. PLAN." She chanted as she disappeared in a pink cloud of cartoonish dust.
"What...I...No..." I mumbled incoherantly as the annoying pink ball of pony bounced away. "I just sat through my Pinkie's party. That was bad enough..." I looked at Crystal with pleading eyes. "Please Pinkie Promise that you'll send me back before we get ANYWHERE near Ponyville. Please. Or at the very least, " I directed my question towards this version of Twilight,"One of you PLEASE get her to abandon this idea, due to the fact that I've already been put through a Pinkie Pie Welcoming party. And I did not find it fun."
"That being said, I've already met everyone here." I looked around, and saw someone new, actually. "Except for her. She's new." There was an older pony with thick spectacles doddering around a pile of books. Guess she was a librarian or something? She looked kinda out of it, to be honest. "Where are we? And if one of you states the obvious by saying 'in a library', I am going to groan in an extremely annoyed manner towards you."
"Don't worry, Pinkie's harmless." Twilight chuckled as she waved a hoof at the surrounding room, "Welcome to the newly rediscovered Crystal Empire. And yes, you're currently in a library." Purple menace contributed, tempting my ire by immediately doing what I asked her not to.
"Well um, anyways. I don't think you have to worry about heading to Ponyville anytime soon. It's about fifty something miles south east of us and-" Crystal started.
"We're on a mission!" Rainbow Dumbass interrupted as she puffed up her chest proudly. Great. Of all the ponies that could use a personality change, she would be it.
Crystal rolled her eyes, "Right, which is why I summoned you. Do you know anything about an entity called Sombra? We were presumably attacked by his shadow on the way here, and well um-" she cast her eyes to the left, visibly uncomfortable.
Twilight noticed it and Intervened,"ahem*, she means something odd happened with previous scouting of the land. A couple of centuries back this place mysteriously vanished, leaving us to believe something happened to make this place reappear." She frowned, giving me a serious look.
"Which is why we gotta protect it at all costs." Applejack butted in in a determined tone, as everyone nodded in agreement. Just like Fluttershy's animals. Creepy.
"First off," I fulfilled my promise and groaned in an annoyed manner at Twilight. "And no, I've never even so much as heard of a 'Sombra'. Sounds mexican. Sombrero. Sombreeeerro. Sorry. Never heard of him, And the only shadowmancers I know of are from Arm of Kanon, and Fullmetal Alchemist. Neither of them have names even remotely similar to Sombra." As it stood I highly doubt Pride would be in a world this bright. And the other was from a series that was simply to grimdark to fit with the landscape. God forbid it actually didn't work like that, though.
I picked a book off a shelf near me, and lo and behold I could actually read it. English. Thank god. I barely managed to suppress an excited look, and put it down. I'd yoink a couple once I finished helping them or whatever. And if worse came to worse, I could always come back. Thank god Donkey Kong's world isn't the only place I can get reading material now. "If you were attacked once, stands to reason your attacker would try again. Can't you just wait, then retaliate?"
Rainbow Dumbass flew up in my face, a scowl set upon her own, "Helloooooo! Did you not just hear her? This place can't stand another attack! We gotta find something to stop Sombra before he gets the one up on us again!"
"I'm sorry, the Arm of what now and an alchemist?" Crystal asked in a confused tone, "Should we be preparing for a full scale attack?"
"I don't think that's what he means." Twilight explained as she turned towards me and gave me a serious stare, "You're not from here are you?"
"As I've had to explain to two other versions of you, no. According to the crazy pony that lives in the gold coin, We-" I pointed at Crystal, bobbing an outstretched finger between us, "are what is known as 'displaced'. Apparently some shmuck with a crappton of power calling himself the 'Merchant' is picking up humans off of different earths and stranding them on different Equestria's. That's my exposition, take it or leave it." I nodded in a self satisfied manner.
"W-I was forced to come here?" She asked, choking on her own words.
Twilight sighed, "I thought something like that. I wasn't sure Crystal, but ever since I met you your magic aura radiated differently..." She frowned, seemingly unable to find the right words to use.
"It's ok. Let's just go ask some more locals if they know anything about how to stop Sombra..." Crystal said.
"Hold on thar sugarcube!" Applejack called as she tugged a book off a shelf with her teeth and sat it down on one of the tables, "Talks a lot about the history of the Crystal Empire here. Take a gander at it." She gestured for everyone to gather around as Twilight read aloud. "Hmm. interesting, it seems that before the empire disappeared, the Crystal ponies had some sort of extravaganza to spread joy and happiness to power up the heart of the empire to protect them from evil." Twilight muttered.
"A fair? Pfft. If that's all we need to stop Sombra, I'll go find Pinkie!" Rainbow Dumbass shouted as she flew off.
"It's worth a shot. Crystal, will you go inform Shining and Cadance what we're planning to do?" Twilight asked.
Crystal shrugged, "Sure." She said, before looking over at me, "wanna come?"
"Sure..." I had only been half paying attention, instead gazing at my watch. It had a very disheartening 3 lit up on the surface. That meant I was close to dropping if I had to do another morph. "Hey Rarity, mind if I get a hit off of you?" I will admit, I worded that wrong. So wrong. "I mean, I'm kinda a little bit low on magic. I can't acquire Twilight or Fluttershy, and I already have Applejack, technically. A blend of her and her brother. So I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to sap any power off her."
Rarity tilted her head in confusion, "I honestly have no idea what any of that meant, but if you need some mana I've got a few extra." Rarity explained as she pulled a small crystal out of her pack that was radiating with a bright blue hue. She smiled as she held it in her telekinetic grip, "I always pack a few extra on long trips in case I get bursts of inspiration and need to stay up late." She explained.
So...mana crystals? Sweet, If I could refresh my stores without sleeping, that'd be wonderful. I grabbed the crystal out of Rarity's magic field, and focused on it. I wasn't really sure what to do with it, though. I tried acquiring it, but nothing changed. Not the crystal, not the gauge on the watch. I realized I wasn't going to have any leeway fondling this thing, so I held it back out.
"Sorry, I don't think I can leech any energy off of something that isn't living. Thank you for the effort, though. It means a lot to me." Bummer. Having a loophole to this would have been awesome.
"Don't mention it darling. I apologize for that not working, but if you need direct contact with an individual to use magic I am more than happy to help." She said said as she walked forwards and lit her horn up. Wonder why? It's not like I could get more by grabbing the horn...not like I had told her that...
I placed a single finger on her forehead, taking care not to muss her hair.(I was just guessing, but with the way she seemed so obsessed with fashion and the like, I was pretty sure I'd get an earful if I got even a strand of hair out of place.) I started the acquirement trance state, and watched as her eyes glazed over. Twilight looked a bit worried, but I guess I wasn't that threatening. After a few seconds, she shook herself from the trance, and I withdrew my finger. A quick check to the watch showed I had gone up a full 5 points. Just as much as Dante. Huh. Or maybe that was simply the standard 'suck off' of magic content? Oh dear god I have got to get better terms, as it is now if anyone were to read my mind I would probably come off as a bad porno.
"Eight. Thats good. Thank you for the juice, Rarity. And I'll give you the same Pinkie Promise I gave Spike. I promise to not use your form to mess with you, or otherwise screw with you or your reputation in any way. And also, if someone assumes that I'm you, I'll inform them otherwise. I hereby Pinkie Promise. Cross my heart, hope to fly," I followed the motions, crossing over my heart and flapping my arms like an idiot, " Stick a cupcake in my eye!"
"Yourrrrrr're, mosssssst weeeeeeelllllcome..." Was all she said before she simply flopped over on her back and gazed at the ceiling like a drunk person.
Twilight shook her head as she stared at the downed fashionista. "Magic feedback. She's not used to handling intense lash out of using major amounts of mana like I do." She chuckled before helping Rarity on her hooves as she drew out one of Rarity's reserve crystal. A quick tap on the horn was all that was needed from the crystal as the glazed over looked on Rarity's face vanished, and was replaced with confusion. "S-sorry about that. I'm just going to go help with the preparations for the festival now." She said embarrassed as she dashed off leaving a cartoon trail of dust behind her in the form of a pony.
Crystal looked on in interest, "what did you just do to her?" She asked me.
"I'm guessing you never read the book series Animorphs?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in annoyance. Seriously, it was one of the best series I'd ever read in school, and nowadays no one remembers it. Bah. "I received a magic cube thingy from that series called an Escafil Device. Like the characters in the books, I can take the form of anyone I acquire. With some variables, I guess. I acquired Pinkie Pie, but when I turn into her, her hairs all flat and darker than normal. And I don't copy the butt mark, but I guess that's maaaaagic or whatever. Anyway, when I acquire someone, apparently I suck out a bit of extra juice. Learned that from this other displaced, Dante." I rubbed my chin, in an absentminded manner. Maybe my subconscious thought it raised my thought process or something. "Anyway, I just 'acquired' Rarity. Maybe...I should have explained all that before I asked it of her? Sorry...I'm not really the kind of person that thinks things through..."
"Nah it's understandable." She shrugged after the others had left to go...do whatever. "Sometimes stuff happens and all and you try to make the best out of it." She chuckled as she rubbed her arm sheepishly, "So a shapeshifting device from animorphs huh?" She inquired, "I saw them in the display cases at the front of my library when I was little, but never bothered to actually read them." She chuckled embarrassedly, "heck, I never really bothered with reading anything. I kept away from books like the plague, and stuck to the mind melting cartoons. I guess that's what makes us different, huh? Books vs. Cartoon items. Strange how that works out, am I right?". She gestured to her gem on her forehead as she concentrated and turned into ... a pony. What the hell. I mean, I know they could transform on the show, but seeing it right there out in front of me...huh. "Come on, let's go inform Cadence what's going on." She said.
"Okay. Cadence...Is that the same My Love Cadence Twilight told me about? She said she was the princess of....uhhh...sorry, I forgot." I raised my hands in supplication, a useless gesture to whisk away my failure. "So where is this Cadence, anyway?"
Crystal raised an eyebrow in confusion, "My love Ca-? Oh! You're using her full name!" She facehoofed. "She's the princess of love according to Twilight, and her brother is married to her." She explained, as she led me from the library to the giant castle in the middle of the city. "She's inside the throne room trying to hold the Shield up to ward off Sombra until we can vanquish him."
"She's... married to her own brother? Incest is legal in Equestria?" I rubbed my forehead. this was a weird place. Hopefully my Equestria wasn't this wierd. But hey, magical unicorns and rainbows. Thats not wierd at aaaaallllll. "...Whats...wrong with them? They all look like they're stuck in an acquiring trance...Heeeeey. Lady guard pony person..." I poked a pony in the forehead, gaining very little of a response. "Hellooooo, anyone in there?"
"Gah no! I meant Shining is married to Cadence and Twilight is Shining Armor's sister." She sighed, grumbling about stupid pony lips not working right...She then turned her attention back to me, "Everyone in the empire has been acting like since since this place first appeared." She explained, "shining tried to briefly look into it but- excuse me, are you poking them?!"
"Yes. Yes I am. What's WRONG with them? This ain't natural..."
"Y-yea. At first I thought it was just PTSD, but now..." She hummed in thought before the whole ground started to shake beneath us. And then it stopped. Man, those earthquakes really are hell the closer you are to the water... "Ah fudge it! We ain't got time for this!" Crystal then turned back into her pony form once more and went dashing out of the castle. Leaving me to my lonesome. Wonderful.
Well. She seemed high strung. This Sombra guy had them all looking over their shoulders in fear, and I could kinda see why. These horses, how they were all milling about without seeing the world around them. It was like when I used to go visit my grandma in the mental ward. Everyone was puttering around, but no one was behind the wheel.
I was out of my depth here. If there was a legitimately evil shadow sorcerer running amuck ( a fact that seemed ever more and more possible if the vacant faces were anything to go by), what was I supposed to be able to do to help? That's what I claimed on my token I was able to do. Help.
I had Dantes form, but what good would that do? Oh yeah, I'd PUNCH the shadow into submission. THAT would work.
Oh hey, maybe I should follow her? Not sure I should just be wandering around unsupervised. Kinda surprised they just let me wander. If it was me, I'd try to WATCH the mysterious biped and make sure it wasn't up to anything...Oh well. I trundled off and promptly got lost. I kept finding more slack jawed ponies milling about.
By the time I got back to the giant crystal castle,Crystal was still gone, along with Twilight. And Applejack. And Pinkie Pie. Come to think of it, the only people I could see were a smattering of the tranced ponies, plus Rainbow Dumbass and Fluttershy. Well, I guess she wasn't really Rainbow Dumbass. She was this Equestrias Rainbow Dash, who to this point hadn't done anything against me. Maybe I should at least TRY to be nice...
The way she acted was pretty much the same, though. I was going to have to be careful, or thorough in explanations when morphing around her. If my Rainbow Dash was anything of a personality template to go off of.
Fluttershy was being led by Rainbow Dash, almost seemingly unwillingly towards an unknown location.
"Hey! Rainbow! Wait up!" they both slowed down, letting me catch up to them. It was then that I noticed something a little different about the area. Over the past half hour I had been wandering around, the populace had started perking up. More and more of the wierdly colored horses had started paying attention to their surroundings, and if you looked carefully enough, you could actually see a few of them smiling.
Oh, and someone had managed to organize and set up a fair when I wasn't paying attention. Seriously, just a half hour ago the streets were bare. Now you couldn't walk two feet to your left without running smack dab into someone eating a cob of corn or adjusting a silly looking hat. Impressive, I must admit.
"What do you want, Wade?" Rainbow asked, throwing as much sarcastic inflection on my name as she could. "We're kinda busy, ya know, saving an entire empire? You know, for somepony who claims that they're here to help, you've really not done much. Not that we needed your help, mind you. I mean, when you have somepony as awesome as me around, why would we need some Crystal Gem knockoff like you?" Wow Rainbow Dumbass, no, really. Tell me how you really feel.
"First off, not a crystal gem. Never said I was. I'm a human. And how am I supposed to help if you won't let me? Kinda hard to do something if you're never given a chance, don't you think?"
Rainbow Dash let out a puff of air as she calmed down her enormous ego, "Fine hue-mane, whatever... You can 'help' by being the equipment keeper while me and Fluttershy here do the real action." She said with a mischievous look on her face, "But you have to catch up first!" She laughed as she left a prismatic trail in her wake, zooming past anything and everything that was in her path. Freaking wierdo.
So yeah, RD took off like a bolt of lightning. Jerk.
"Excitable, isn't she?" I asked a certain lump of pink and yellow hair.
"..." She replied, hiding behind her hair.
Great. Rainbow Dumbass was long gone, I had no idea where she had gone off to, and Fluttershy here was the only one who really knew where she was heading. And she wasn't talking. She just met me, after all. According to Twilight, this is what she normally acted like, my introduction was under different circumstances than normally would be... Maybe if I-
"Do you have a bat named Ferdinando here too? I adopted a bat by that name from my version of Fluttershy. His left Fang is larger than his right, has a tendency to overindulge on crickets?"
I could tell by her eyes, the open mouth- The way she wasn't trying to hide behind her hair anymore.
I made a friend!
She yapped on for a couple minutes about how she had been looking for 'somepony' to adopt Ferdinando and Fernadette(apparently this version of Equestria came in a paired set...), before I interrupted her.
"Not to dissuade such pleasant company, but wasn't Rainbow dragging you somewhere? Do you know where?"
With a nod, she led me on. Rainbow Dumbass had been taking her to some place called 'The field', and thankfully Fluttershy actually knew where it was. We eventually found ourselves at some sort of...arena. A jousting arena, if I was right. Kinda morbid, considering the clientele.
"Now wheres Rainbow Dash?"
"Yo! Up here!" Rainbow Dumbass called out.
"NYEAGH!" I muttered, dodging falling pieces of assorted helmets and horse armor. "Watch it! You almost hit us!" I had managed to drag Fluttershy out of the way as well, and when Rainbow Dumbass landed she gave me the stink eye. Then she picked up a helmet and saddle thing, thrusting them at Fluttershy.
"Sorry" Rainbow Dumbass halfway apologized before looking over at Fluttershy. "Okay, so here's what's going to happen. Me and Fluttershy are going to have a duel with each other by charging head first with these metal poles," She explained as she scooped one up with her hoof while simultaneously donning a helmet. "You will be our 'pole colt'." She smirked as she finished putting on her armor, "Simple as that."
"So...you're jousting? Why? I know this place wasn't this lively before, but surely these guys have soldiers or guards who are actually, you know, qualified for this type of thing? Have you ever even jousted before? I sure as heck know Fluttershy hasn't. This is a stupid Idea," I rattled off before she used her wings to buffet a ball of air at my head, interrupting my thought process. "Stop that. Its mildly annoying. Fine, so what do I do, I just go and prepare the lances for you or something? I can only really do this for one of you, I can't be on both sides of the field at every pass you two make..."
Rainbow Dash groaned as she rolled her eyes, "ugnh! You sound too much like an egg-head!" She snorted as she went over to help Fluttershy with her gear, "look, in case you haven't noticed all the guards are kinda loopy at the moment and in no condition to joust. Plus, we gotta keep these ponies entertained and stalled while Twilight and Crystal to find the real Crystal heart. So, me and Fluttershy will walk out the same end of the tent to our west here, and that's when you give us the poles." She gestured with her hoof, "Simple." She rolled her eyes once more, "Fluttershy's not used to exchanging equipment as fast as I am, so you'll have plenty of time to reach the other side." She explained, before narrowing her eyes at me, "So stop trying so hard about this! Don't think, just react!" Her gaze warmed as she flicked me with her left wing as she turned around, "Come on Fluttershy, let's go make an entrance!" She chuckled as she started to walk away..
She stormed off, her tail swishing back and forth in an irritated manner. Looks like my presence more than just displeased her. I walked along Fluttershy as we made our way to the opposite side of the pitch, trying to help her into the saddle armor. For something so simple looking, it was bloody hard to get it to latch properly. I finally got it on, and next we got the helmet atop her head. It had some sort of magic spell attached to it, sucked all her hair out the top like a mohawk in only a second. Thank god, can you imagine trying to force a horses mane through a slot one strand at a time? Would take freaking forever. In the end, it had this REALLY cool roman armor effect. Fluttershy's soft pink hair had a sort of lacking image, Rainbow Dash's (I could see her across the field, she had managed to get dressed all on her own, what wonders next?) hair actually had an awesome look to it...
As I slotted the pole into the holder in the armor, Fluttershy gave a noticeable shiver.
"Don't worry, this is Rainbow Dash we're talking about, she wouldn't do anything to hurt you, would she?" She gave a shake of her head, "She'll probably just wing you on the pass, make a show of it. The point of this is to... keep them entertained? So she'll probably grandstand as much as possible. Just get out there, run as fast as you can, try to make it look like your lance is pointed in her direction, and if the other lance looks like it's going to hit you, veer right as sharp as you can."
"Thank you..." She muttered, taking her position at the end of the field.
I shot a glance towards Rainbow, she was pretending not to look at me whilst obviously looking at me. She had yet to equip herself with a lance, so obviously she was waiting for me to come over so she could rub my face in how awesome she was or something. I made my way over to her, but she didn't say anything.
I slotted her lance in it's holder, and all I got was a harumph in reply.
Looking around, the stands surrounding the pitch were filled nearly to their brim with cheering folk, all eager to watch these two run at each other with the promise of violence. Well, I guess when you don't have HBO...I even saw a vender with various snacky things. Cotton candy of all things. Hmm.
They finally started, running full tilt, well, Rainbow Dash full tilt and Fluttershy sort of...well it was a decent speed, I guess. Who am I kidding, I could run faster than that, and in my normal human form to boot. At least he was trying, I gue-
Rainbow Dash's lance jabbed directly into the side of Fluttershy's armor, bending almost completely its entire length before straightening and flinging her bodily almost the entire length of the field. She landed in a pile of hay. At least these lances had big metal ball things on the end...They did look kinda old though, was that a crack in the tip of Rainbow Dash's? Regardless.
I ran over to the ball of quivering pink and yellow hair, but Rainbow Dash was quicker, she made it there before me. I managed to get there on the tail end of a request from Fluttershy...
"Isn't there...somepony else who could take over...the jousting demonstration with you?" she asked, her voice quavering at the end.
Rainbow Dash simply scoffed, "The fate of an entire empire rests on us show these ponies a good time. But, you know, if that isn't important to you..." Son of a...really? She just wanted the ponies in the stands to continue praising the ground she walked on! She made Fluttershy cry with that sentence though, so she quickly tried to console her. "Okay. Okay. I'll take it easy on you next time." Fluttershy smiled at the sentiment from her friend- "But not too easy. I've got a reputation to maintain!" And with that, Rainbow Dumbass wandered off, back to her side of the pitch.
"Hey Rainbow, can you fit yourself this pass? I wanna make sure Fluttershy didn't break a wing or anything." I lied, dragging Fluttershy towards a nearby tent.
"She's fine...allright, whatever, just hurry up, okay?"
"Oh, she'll be right out, raring to go! Come on Fluttershy, you gotta help me for this to work, allright?"
She looked around the tent I had dragged her into. "Thank you wade, but my wings are fi-what are you doing?" She asked, as I unlatched the armor from around her midsection.
"Simple. You aren't going back out there, I am."
She looked at me in confusion a couple seconds, before breaking into a wide smile, "Thank you wade, but I don't think the armor will fit you...Plus you aren't exactly built for this, I just don't want to see you get hurt, much better if only I-" she cut off, watching as my flesh twisted and melted into itself.
"I better get changed into something more comfortable then, hadn't I?" I quipped, slowly shrinking down to Fluttershy's height. "I got this form my version of Fluttershy and Ferdinando, it doesn't look exactly like you, but with the armor on, it should be able to fool ol Dashy till she's right up next to it, right?" I asked, the morph finally ending.
"Ibuh, tha-, nyaf, tab-,"
"Deep breathes there Fluttershy. Its still me, Wade. I'm not trying to replace you or anything else nefarious. I'm just trying to take your place in the jousting match. Make it so YOU aren't the one getting hurt. Okay?"
She finally stopped hyperventilating, and took a deep breath. After that was settled, (And after rebuking her attempts to get me to just let her go out again) she helped get me all kitted out. The armor is a LOT more comfortable than it looks, even if the helmet feels like a cold weight the top of my head.
Finally, I walked out of the tent, lance at the ready and took my- Fluttershy's place at the head of the field. Oh hey, there was Annoying Pink... she had some sort of Jester outfit on...
"FLUGELHORNS! GET YOUR FLUGELHORNS HERE!" Annoying Pink shouted as she juggled the odd shaped horns in her hooves...
"You ready for round two?" Rainbow Dash tried to yell above the roaring crowd.
"I'm gonna grind your face into the dirt, you prismatic punk!" I called out. I don't think she heard it though, seeing as she just had a look of confusion on her face.
Annoying Pink let loose on one of her 'flugel horns', and Rainbow Dash took off running. I followed suit, and tried to keep my lance pointed upwards, and to my left. Harder than you'd think, without hands and an arm to keep it steady. Fluttershy might not be a top notch athlete, and her legs were already burning with the strain of running as fast as I could. But she was still a quadraped, who for all of her life had walked around on her four limbs. They were impressive in their own regards. Rainbow Dash had probably been running about 40mph in her first pass, so I'm pretty sure I was getting about 30, 35.
We met in the middle, and my lance never made it anywhere near her. Too high, too far to my right. Her lance almost found its mark, grazing the side of my helmet and leaving me reeling as I retreated to the other side of the pitch.
A flicker of light splashed across the sky, and it momentarily darkened. Probably some sort of 'crystal firework' or something. Fireworks that only worked in the daytime, what frivolities next?
"You gonna spend all day watching the pretty sky, Rainbow Dash?" I called out the length of the field. The crowd was somehow quieter, so my words actually reached her this time. Her head jerked back towards me, so I continued, "If you keep your head in those pretty little clouds, I'm liable to knock your block off! Now quit daydreaming, and come on!"
I took off running.
As I ran, Rainbow Dash looked like she was trying to say something as she ran to meet me in the middle. Obviously her mind wasn't on the match at hand...
"-I don't think we-" Whatever it was she had been trying to say was cut off as the tip of my lance collided with her breastplate...barrelplate? Whatever. She was knocked clean sideways an entire step, but she stayed upright and continued onward. Once I reached the end of the pitch, I looked back and saw a horrifying sight. She had a look of determination on her face, any traces of mercy were gone. I could tell she was now 'in it to win it'. Why did I have to open my big mouth?
"Fine, you wanna do this the hard way? We'll do this the HARD way!" She called out from across the field.
She...she wouldn't actually try to hurt me, would she? She still thought I was Fluttershy...at least I was pretty sure she did. So even then... She reared up on her back hooves(oh hey, she wasn't wearing overwear, dangerous for a pegasus...) let out a mighty whinny, and...well...'dashed' off the line.
I took off as well, pushing myself to Fluttershy's limits as I charged down the row. I moved forward... twitched the lance to square on her head...SHE DUCKED UNDER IT, it clipped her helmet and knocked it off, and she centered her own lance directly into my side.
I watched the milliseconds tic by in glorious slow motion as her lance bent in half, before rapidly returning to its normal length. By flinging me across the field, as Rainbow Dash had done to the real Fluttershy before me.
With a sickening crack, I hit some sort of flagpole of some sort, and all my motion came to a sudden, violent halt.
Well. I've never actually broken anything before, and certainly never something filled with countless tiny, hollow bones. There was this one time way back when, I hit a rough patch of gravel on my bike, flipped over the handlebars and went tumbling. It felt like the entire driveway lodged itself under my skin. Like broken glass. Needless to say, I was a little bundle of crying annoyance for the rest of that day. From what I remember, anyway.
Looking back at my wing, it was a twisted, broken mass of leathery skin. Poke a shoestring through it, and you'd have yourself a bag. A group of concerned crystal ponies had gathered around, but I was in too much pain to be all that social. Rainbow Dash was front and center, practically on the verge of breaking into tears. Good to see she at least cared about someone besides herself.
I had no desire to remain with a broken limb, so I started morphing back. The multitude of ponies surrounding me slowly backed away, confusion and fear stamped on their faces. None were more confused than Rainbow Dash's own, her eyes darting between my emerging form and the real Fluttershy, standing behind her.
Finally I was done, my watch said I was back down to three, and I was happily without a broken wing. Happy days.
"Told you Fluttershy had a broken wing," I said, standing up and stretching. "Well I was off by a few minutes, and it was my form of her that had it, but thats just semantics. No Flutters, I'm fine," I said, trying to settle the concerned pegasus trying to look under my shirt at my back. "Stop it, GETOFF," I pried her off, holding her at arms length.
"Here, YOU take her," I said, thrusting her at Rainbow Dash. "I said I'm fine."
"Wade!!" She shouted, "You, you jerk!" She shouted, ignoring Fluttershy gasping behind her as she flew up into mys face. "That was not ok!" A frown suddenly dominated a majority of her face, "don't ever do that again."
"Don't...get violently injured from YOU stabbing me in the side with a lance? Well okay then Dashy, I'll get right on that." I muttered as she flew away. Freaking weirdo. You think she'd be a little more passive after just almost killing me. Whatever.
I was down a few points on the magic, as well. I turned towards a blue hued crystal looking pony and extended my hand. "Excuse me good sir, I find myself slightly drained after healing a broken wing. Would you mind if I acquired your form, thereby allowing myself to restore my energy by taking just a little bit of your own?" He balked, looking at my hand like it was a knife.
"Are...you a Crystal Gem? The Crystal Gems don't steal magic..." Oh. great. was I just a magnet for this?
"No, I'm not a crystal gem. I'm a human. My magic is a bit weird. My morphing should only use my personal energy, but it uses magic for some reason. I can replenish it in small chunks when I acquire a new form, which is basically what I'm asking of you. Cmon, help a brother out," I leaned in close, giving a loud stage whisper, "All I have are female forms, its starting to get embarrassing..." With a smattering of laughter from the surrounding ponies, I got a blue hoof placed into my hand.
"It wont hurt, will it?" he asked, nervously looking from me to Fluttershy.
"No. not in the slightest. At most you'll go into a daze at the start." As it turns out, he wasn't affected by the trance state. "Or you could just be immune like apparently three quarters of the multiverse..." I trailed off at his nonunderstanding look. "Chalk it up to magic being weird. It seems to like to...do ...that..." I trailed off once more, but for a different reason. The sky was spazzing out.
It shimmered, shifting from a pure blue to a darkened blue. Eventually it gave out the ghost, and the sky collapsed.
Suddenly the sky was nothing but an unforgiving black, with streaks of lightning.
"Ummmm, methinks it's time to regroup," I said to the ball of quivering pink and yellow fluff behind me, "Where did the others go?"
Fluttershy gave me a quick nod, and took off running. Well, I guess that works. Except for the fact that now I'm back to being two legged and slow. She zoomed off, making for the castle in the middle of the city. Shoulda guessed. Where ELSE would the others be? Hiding in a tree in the middle of the woods? Naw, just stick them all in the largest, most obvious looking place in existence.
Thanks to old Blue pony, I now had enough juice for another morph. I sure as shit didn't want to get caught back out here by 'ol Sombrero. I started the morph with the full intention of using the form I had just gotten. I kept the shade of his coat, the slight cleft to his chin, and the rough way his hair seemed to part at the forefront of my mind. When I was done however, I was sorely disappointed. I had somehow morphed Rarity.
"What? I didn't ask for this! I wanted the crystal pony, not the fashionista! This is the, worst. Possible, wait, what am I doing? I don't have time for theatrics, I gotta get to the freaking castle!"
I was now in a slightly better position, but Rarity it seems was just as out of shape as Fluttershy. I should have gone wondertwins. I really should give that one a name, wondertwins makes it sound like it has two bodies or something... Fusion? No. Twinmold? God no. Applecrasher? Nah, although I think I'm getting closer. I don't have time to think about this right now.
As I got closer to the castle, more and more spires of black crystal jutted from the ground. On one giant spire, perched a dark, stereotypical evil looking pony. He was firing chunks of black crystal at the tower and everything. And to top it off, suddenly Spike was tumbling from the heavens above, a crystal heart falling with him.
The evil looking sod-I guess it's Sombrero? Maybe? God help me if the bad guy doesn't actually look like a bad guy...- was reaching a hoof skywards and laughing manically. It looked like he was trying to catch the heart...So I did something stupid.
I charged magic to my...Rarity's horn and enveloped his tail. And then I gave a sharp, tug.
With an undignified yelp, he slid backward, one hoof skidding off of his perch.
I wasn't anywhere strong enough to pull him off his ledge, but I was able to distract him as...Wow, I did not think this through, without someone to catch him, Spike was going to go splat. Oh, I guess that worked itself out. He was flying on the back of some sort of...Oh it was another pegacorn. I guess that's Cadence? Where the heck did she come from? It looks like...Oh hey, it looks like her husband had thrown her.
Wait, he threw her? Who the hell would throw their wife? Even to save a falling dragon without wings, that just seemed a bit over the top...
"YOU."
Waht? "Waht?" I asked, swinging my head back to Sombrerro, who was staring at me with barely restrained rage.
"Meddlesome wench, I'll deal with you later!" He shouted, summoning another rock and throwing it at me before rushing off and trying to follow the pink pegacorn.
Jerk. I thought he was supposed to be some sort of shadow manipulator, not a freaking geomancer. He almost hit me with that last rock. As it was, it splintered into countless shards and peppered my right foreleg. Now I was all dusty and my right leg was starting to bleed. Jerk.
It was then the ground started to glow. All light, glowy blue. And it was just the roads, nothing past them lit up or anything. Did Sombrero do something? Seems kind of odd that he'd make stuff glow, instead of making it dark. But he was supposed to be a shadow guy, so what did I know? For all I knew, he could shoot rainbows out of his butt, and people would be going around, describing him as a snake charmer.
The glow retreated back towards where the pegacorn, Cadence had flown off to. I could see her from here, it looked like she was standing next to some sort of...heart? A spinning heart...That was spinning faster and...Oh that can't be good.
With a blast of energy, the heart thing started letting out cascades of blue energy, decimating and disintegrating all the stalagmites of black crystal. With a yell, Sombrero was gone. Wonder what happened to him.
A more pressing concern however..."Nyeagh, why am I sparkly?" I asked, looking at Rarity's sparkling, crystalline coat. That blue light had done something...It had even messed with my hair! What the hell? Looking like a girl was bad enough, but being sparkly was just over the top. Thank god I hadn't morphed Twilight, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
So I was sparkly. At least I wasn't demorphed when I got hit with this, I like my human body how it normally is. I'd just change back when I got the chance, and this nightmare would be over.
"Um, you doing alright there Rarity?" Asked a voice off to my right. Distracting myself from...well, myself, I got a look at the pearl look alike, all sparklified.
"What? You get a new outfit, and all I get is girlified? Seriously though," I thrust a hoof out in front of myself to inspect it better, "If my Rarity morph is forever tainted by sparklies, I'm gonna be majorly disappointed." I scuffed at the fur on my left leg with my right, trying to rub the sparklies off. "What the heck happened to Sombrerro? He was heading this way, going after the pink pegacorn."
Where DID he go? You think if he were still around he'd be cackling evily, or throwing rocks around like a jerk. I didn't exactly have much to go on with him. Maybe he was an avid fan of macrame?
"Dunno. I was kinda busy when all this happened." She replied, "Hey, at least he's gone. Thanks again for helping out." She smiled, obviously trying to stifle a laugh at my discomfort.
"Helping out? All I did was get pounded by Rainbow Dash...well I guess I provided some sort of entertainment." I mused, slowly trying to bite the sparklies off. "Do you know whats with the sparklies? Why don't they come off? Screw it, I'm just going to morph back. Get rid of the sparklies once and for all."
I straightened my back, slowly rising back up on my own two legs. My spine rearranged itself with audible creaking and crackling, as Rarity's hair retreated and shrunk back into my scalp as it returned to its usual brown shade. My hands broke out of Rarity's hooves, splitting into my five fingers as my arms stretched and lengthened. Finally, I was back to normal. Or as normal as I could be, seeing as-
"Nyeagh, why am I STILL sparkly?" I still was all sparkly, my clothes were affected too. At least they weren't as rock solid as they looked.
Crystal hooted as she busted into a laughing fit at me. "Dude it's magic. Be thankful that you didn't end up like Sombra or something.." She pointed over to the smoldering remains of black dust...Really? The heart thingy killed him? Geesh, remind me never to go evil, the ponies may look all cuddly but they are HARDCORE when taking out the trash...yeesh. "Anyways... Whether you think it or not, you did actually help out." She smiled, "You kept the crystal ponies distracted while we found the Crystal heart. You sacrificed your time (and maybe a bit of pride) and kept panicking to a low. That's true humility amigo. Stop being so modest and just take the compliment."
Woooo, so she could summon Pearls weapon too? Cool.
"Where the heck did you pull that from?" I asked, pointing a glittery digit at her...sword spear thing? It was damned sharp, whatever she called it. She was cutting up swathes rubble like they were blobs of butter. Seems she was dang strong too, you can't get that kind of speed just from having a sharp sword. Maybe...
"Hey, think I might be able to copy your form too? It could come in handy if I get in a real fight." I reasoned. I already technically had a battle morph in the form of Dante, but she didn't need to know that. And if watching episodes of Ben 10 has taught me anything, there's no such thing as the ultimate form. Each one has its own place. What if I went up against someone who countered Dante perfectly? Maybe a holy magic user or something. Videogames and anime have taught me that even the most devout can go wrong somehow.
"Copy my form?" Crystal hummed in thought, "Yes, I suppose that's ok... Just don't go messing up my reputation." She frowned, "I'll hunt you down." She growled in warning, before turning cheery once more. "As for the whole summoning my weapon thing, I don't really understand it either..." She frowned before turning to the object in question and making it disappear into magical sparklies. "It's sorta like condensed magic according to Twilight... Same as my form." She explained, "I don't really know, I just think about summoning my form and weapon and it just happens." She shrugged. "Anyways, getting back to your request; yes you may use my form. Just one thing, should I be aware of anything when you try to acquire me? I'm kinda sensitive to direct magical input, so I tend to avoid anything magical that comes into contact with my gem."
"Coolio. Here's the rundown. My power should work off of nothing but technology. But it seems to feed off of magic for some reason," I stated, showing her my watch. It had gotten a sparkly overhaul as well, all glistening black stone...and I could swear the diamond on the side was bigger than before... Whatever.
"This tells me how much magic I have left, and as I demonstrated earlier, I can somehow leach off a little bit of energy when gaining a morph. But to answer your concerns, all it should do is put you in a trance while I acquire your D.N.A, but for most of the people I've been coming across it hasn't even done that. They've just stood and stared at me while they waited for something to happen."
I reached out a hand, and gave her my biggest smile. "Half a minute, and it'll be done, no worries!"
Crystal nodded, "ok, go ahead."
She actually went into the trance state. What the heck, it only seems to work when it wants to make me more uncomfortable. After about half a minute, she shook her head free of her daze. So it seemed that worked out well.
But I was still sparkly...maybe I could get rid of the status effect *Sparkly*(you glitter with the force of a thousand prepubescent girls, +10 to blinding light, -10 to Dignity, -10 to Manliness, -10 to Sanity, Description: Well you wanted to cosplay as that one guy from Twilight...) if I morphed a bunch of times? Maybe that would use up the magic or something. Well it might work, if I wasn't only back up to six according to my watch. I must have put more magic than I thought I did into yanking on Sombrerro's tail. So I'd only get one more morph, unless I acquired more ponies. Not that I had anything against adding a few more male morphs. I could make another hybrid morph...not that these guys wouldn't stand out like a sore thumb in Ponyville. So dang shiny.
I started to morph. I slowly crept downward in height, and my limbs thinned and shrunk. My clothes shrunk into and melded with my skin, forming a layer almost skintight against it. A pressure pushed against my left eye, then subsided. I was finally done. Maybe this morph wouldn't be...
"Nyeeeeeeaaaaaaaagggggghhhh...Why am I still sparkly? I don't like it!" I whined in Crystals voice, thrusting my arms in front of myself to better examine them. Thin as hers, with an almost greenish tint lying just below the skin. Dang, hope I never got caught on a sunny day with no sunscreen, this skin would probably BURN. Not even freckle, just shrivel up into a black cinder or something. My nails were for some reason, emerald. That didn't make any sense, she didn't have pearl fingernails...And yes, you didn't read that incorrectly, my fingernails were now a ROCK type mineral thingy. So weird. Apparently Crystal wasn't 'humanoid' enough to register to my clothes as not needing to morph with me, seeing as now I was wearing some sort of green, sleeveless shirt with a stylized crescent moon on it. It was tied off with a sah, that surprisingly hung down lower than what looked my bike shorts.The orange of them didn't really fit well with the green of the shirt, in my opinion. And lastly, I appeared to be wearing purple slippers, with green socks almost reaching my biking shorts. Seriously, what was the point? If you're going to give me thigh highs, at least give me pants, damnit.
And it all was sparkly. Someone in the multiverse is laughing at me. Oh well. I turned back to Crystal, and noticed she was looking at my head in surprise.
"What? I didn't grow antenna or something, did I?" I asked, running a hand over my forehead and through my new hair. It actually had managed to style it in the exact same shape as hers, I think its called...pixie? I'm not sure...the only difference I could tell was that it seemed to feel longer than hers...looked. If that makes any sense.
"Yo-your eye..." Crystal pointed in shock as her face flushed a pale blue.
"What? Whats wrong with my eye?" I asked. Its not like I could tell on my own. Regardless of how shiny everything was, nothing was really all that reflective...hmm
"It's all weird. Your gem is supposed to be on your head like mine, but it's green and it's over one of your eyes. Seriously, how do you not feel that?" She asked, thrusting a finger forward and jabbing it in my eye. Instead of the customary pain that would ordinarily accompany such an action, her finger bounced off with an audible *click*. Regardless of how invincible my eye now was though, it still made me flinch.
Twilight had separated from the herd, and came to voice her own concerns. "I don't think that's very healthy..." She paused, circling around to examine me with her horn all a glowing, "or pleasant feeling." She frowned, "your inner mana is going crazy!" Inner...mana? Well, I already was using magic, which I wasn't supposed to. That already was screwed up enough. "It's like there's two distinct forces of mana clashing but not mixing. You might want to get that checked out, assuming you are able to return to wherever your home is." She frowned.
"I am, thanks for asking. No, I can't do it on command, it'll happen when it happens. Sometimes I'm in another Equestria for a day, a few days, or even as short as a minute. It's all rather random. And are you sure? I feel fine. Well, as good as I can seeing as I'm currently a girl...but that seems to be an uncomfortable constant these days," I stated with a slump of my shoulders. " No offense, Crystal."
I prodded at my eye with a dainty fingernail, wincing with each click. This really was bizarre. there was a freaking rock IN my head. I could still see out of it like normal, there wasn't a green tinted or anything. In the show, they used the gems for magic and stuff, so I tried to channel magic to it. like the first time with twilights hoof, all I managed to get was a couple emerald tinged sparks. Weird.
"So, you honestly have no clue when you'll return home?" she asked, settling into a bit of a slouch with a hand raised towards her chin, rubbing it to get the introspective juices flowing no doubt. "Huh... well you're welcome to tag along, but for the record Gems don't have genders, we simply choose what we want to look like," she added.
So...It gave me this look because of some sort of BS subconscious thing? I had been trying to turn into Crystal, well, Pearl, and I had ended up looking like a knock off. But if that was the case, why wouldn't I be able to change it now? I didn't seem to be able to change anything just by willing it...It was the changeling forms all over again. 'Just change already' indeed, Queen of not being able to teach worth beans.
I tensed every muscle I could, straining and concentrating on changing. Not morphing, but changing, hopefully to a male form. Predictably,nothing happened, save for a slight tingling in my fingers.
"It made my fingernails longer? What the hell? How does that even work?" My nails had grown a full half of an inch, as if that was any sort of improvement. How did imagining myself turning into a male crystal gem translate into nail growth? Bah. Screw it. "Screw it, this isn't working. Your body doesn't like me trying to change it, I'm gonna stop trying for now before it tries making my hair longer or something. Feh. And yeah, no idea when I'll get sucked back...speaking of, if I don't get to go back before nightfall, I don't really have a place to stay... I stay in a spare room in Twilights castle in my Equestria, but last time I got stuck in another Equestria for more than a day Applejack let me sleep in the Apple's barn. Think she'll mind if I ask?"
Who knows, she might be touchy about it in this world, better to ask someone else their opinion so I can know whether she'll be pissy about that sort of thing. I already had first hand experience that not all of them were the same person, regardless of how they looked.
"Don't worry about accommodations." Twilight smiled as she made her way back over to us, "I just got done chatting with Cadance, who said she really would like us to stay and enjoy the place before heading back tomorrow. The palace is big enough to house several hundred guests, so I don't think we'll have a problem squeezing in one more." She said perkily as she looked up at me.
Crystal smiled, "Sweet! She'd really do that?! Awesome! I've never gotten to stay at a castle before! " She fist pumped the air, "Well save for maybe Disney World, but that doesn't count seeing as it's not a real castle," she chuckled.
"Coolio," I muttered, trying once again to do some sort of magic. I guess making sparks pop out of ones eye is rather impressive, but honestly I was hoping for a magic spear to pop out or something. Heck, if I could just levitate something or shoot eye lasers I'd be happy. As it was, all I got were green sparks.
"HNNNGFFG," I grunted, squeezing my right eye closed and forcing a gout of sparks to shower out of my eye/gem. "Fffffffffff...well that does nothing. Nothing useful anyway. So should we thank this Cadence? Or is it just a normal occurrence?"
"Don't worry, Cadance is my sister-in-law, so it's pretty normal for her to offer." Twilight chuckled as she stared at me.
"You know you shouldn't try to force the magic to come..." She said absentmindedly, "It's best to try to get a feel for the magic and then gently nudge it where you want to go... Like sticking a hoof, er appendage, into a stream and guiding the flow. At least, that's how I started until I was able to to actually command magic."
"You know you shouldn't try to force the magic to come..." It was with this comment that I realized I had been haphazardly following Twilight whilst I 'practiced' my magic. I had apparently followed the purple pony right out of the castle and into the streets of the crystal city. Some paragon of astute observation I am. "Its best to try to get a feel for the magic and then gently nudge it where you want to go... like sticking a hoof," she paused, taking a second to look me over as she realized I didn't exactly 'have' hooves. Well, most of the time. "-er, appendage, into a stream and guiding the flow. At least, that's how I started until I was able to actually command magic."
Well that was wonderful for her. What with her stream metaphors and so on. Again, for me it was like trying to shove the energy out, trying to 'guide the flow' wasn't exactly something I even knew how to implement. Maybe my 'magic' was as screwed up as she said. Wonderful.
"I don't know how to do that...stream thing you're talking about. What I do is basically grab the strange feeling inside me, and shove it into a magical orifice. When I'm you," I winced at my poor description, but continued anyway, "I shove it into your horn, and that seems to work...Although as you've witnessed, I'm not very good at magic. lifting up something as small as a nail feels like I'm trying to bench press a cow. Can't...even..." My eye sparkled as I tried to levitate something, or even make a magic glow, SOMETHING besides these annoying little magical sparkles. "Get anything besides sparks with this form. This is bogus, I saw Pearl use magic all the freaking time! She could summon a sword thingy like Crystal, and she could do all kinds of other cool stuff... nyeeeaaaaagggghh." All I got however with my increased concentration, was an increased stream of sparks. Bah.
I could hear Twilight and Crystal trying their hardest not to laugh at my attempt. "W-! I uh... Hmmmmphffff...." Crystal muttered under her breath as I followed her back into the Crystal castle.
Crystal led the way as we walked and shrugged, "Well dude, sometimes ya just gotta have patience with things like this," She stated as two Crystal guards saluted us and opened the doorways to what appeared to be the guest quarters. "I mean, I guess because your default is human magic just comes harder..." She frowned as she whispered "Still wish I was one..." Didn't quite catch that. She sighed as Cadance, Spike, and the guy that threw her off the top of a tower came into view as Crystal waved them over.
"Still, I can do magic. Sort of," I claimed, "I can levitate stuff... but the exact same steps aren't doing anything in this form. Maybe your magic is different?"
Crystal looked like she was thinking about it as the previously established Cadance, Shining, and Spike came into earshot. Spike immediately ran up and hugged Twilight, who then returned the favor. Spike then waved to Crystal before hopping on Twilight's back.
"Glad to see everyone's still in one piece," Shining Armor joked as they laughed. Crystal laughed too, "Yea, and check this out!" She smirked as she withdrew a green centipede ball thingy from her pack. Cadance and Shining looked at it in a mixture of awe and confusion. My own look was one of stunned disgust. If she threw that at me, I would let loose the most MANLY of terrified screams. "We think it was the guardian of the heart before Sombra tainted it." Twilight explained as Crystal moved to hand the green ball to Cadance.
"It's rightfully yours Princess, that is if it still works or anything..." Crystal shrugged.
Cadance smiled uneasily and pushed it back into Crystal's hooves. "That's quite alright dearie, you should keep it as a trophy for your brave endeavors," she smirked as she turned her attention back to me and did a weird... half bow... thing. Kneel bow? Bowing knee? Good god these ponies were weird.
"Thank you again for helping with both the festival and distracting Sombra," her Pinkest said as she smiled earnestly.
I eyed the ugly little centipede ball that had returned to Crystal, wondering how it could have been that much of a nuisance. Maybe it shot acid out of its mouth?
"I... only did what I was able," I muttered, trying to look her in the eye and failing. She wasn't as big as sunbutt, but she was definitely larger than Twilight. "I... wasn't that much help, really..."
Cadance chuckled as she smiled honestly, "And modest to boot!" She playfully punched Shining Armor in the...shoulder. Wither? She then lit up her horn and used her magic to open a door to our right. "Come, everypony else is already seated for dinner. Let's not keep them waiting," she hummed as she trotted through the doors like a pony variant of a school girl. Rolling her eyes and smirking, Twilight motioned for the rest of us to follow.
"Okay... so you've been here long?" I asked, directing my question towards the local reagent.
Cadance turned towards me as the rest of the group paused to wait for her, before she signaled with a polite flick of the wing for them to continue without her. I mean, whats with that? When did she start using her wings to make gestures instead of her leg/arms? Twilight and Rainbow didn't do that...
"Oh a week at most," She hummed thoughtfully as they continued to walk at a much slower pace. "Celestia wanted me and my husband to be out front first to protect the ponies, since our shield at my wedding had worked well." She smiled, but there a brief flash of resentment in her eyes before it faded just as quickly.
"My Twilight told me briefly about you and her brother, but nothing more than the fact you were recently married. The changeling invasion was also briefly glanced over in my history lessens. The good 'ol ex-queen didn't really seem all that interested in going over her lowest point. Something like that."
Cadance blinked in a confused manner at my explanation. "Uh.. Erm, well I'm not sure what all of that meant, but yes we did in fact have an invasion of changelings over a month ago," She calmly stated as we neared the entrance to the dining hall now. "It's not something I like to talk about despite how much praise I receive. It was more of a joint effort on everypony's part. But hey, if you're going to be around for some time, I'd be more than happy to arrange an afternoon to discuss it." She smirked, "I too have many questions to ask." She said with a scary looking gleam in her eye. If you don't hear from me, you know my last location. Send the Police. Make sure they bring tasers and horse saddles. Bit's and tack... or would that be considered fetish equipment for ponies? Uuuuerrrrg. No. Lets not think on that any more.
"Well, you might as well ask them while you can," I posited. "I'm not really sure for how much longer I'll be staying. I'm still kinda new to this whole thing, and so far how long I'm in another Displaced's world has been random," I told her.
Cadance hummed slightly in thought, "Very well then." She said as they stepped through the entrance to largest dining room I've ever seen. Cadance took a seat next to Shining, who was already chowing down on something that vaguely resembled oatmeal. She then motioned for me to take an empty chair next to Crystal and Twilight, who were having their own little chat. "I can think of many questions, but I will limit myself to just two." She took a breath as she used her magic to grab a cup of water and sip. She let out a satisfying breath before setting the cup back down, dispelling her magic from the cup. "Firstly, you speak as if this has not been the first dimension you've been in." She stated calmly, as she told the server she wanted waffles. Why waffles? She was the reigning monarch of crystal kindgom land, and she goes for something as base as... ehn who am I kidding, I love waffles.
"My guess would be then that you are looking for answers." She readjusted herself in her chair. The rest of the group had barely noticed our presence. Too busy idly chatting away excited, as their forms glistened in the very sparkly room. God, the eyesore was real, if the sun didn't stop making everything send shimmering waves of glancing pain into my eyeballs... Cadance then studied me cautiously, as if sizing me up for a meal. I instantly felt profoundly uncomfortable, and wondered if I should be planning an exit route. "A question for a question then." She stated. "What is thine purpose?" She asked in a suddenly serious tone.
"Either find home, or someone that can send me home," I responded. "Seems like it should be easy, right? Someone at the very least should know something."
"So now for my question. Do any of you know anything about transportation between dimensions, alternate realities, universes or otherwise?"
Cadance visibly relaxed as she mulled over my question. In the meantime a waiter brought her a platter overflowing with precariously balancing waffles and she began to eat while thinking. I assume she was thinking. She might have been reviewing a book she read recently for all I know. She shook her head, "Nay young traveler, I know not much about plane shifting." Her eyes glazed over for an unknown reason, but she quickly brought herself back to the present. "Only what has been handed down from eons of a madmare's research, and what my Aunt Celestia has told me." She hummed in thought. kept shooting me glances, then looking back over towards Twilight. The hell was going on in her head?
"My turn," she said in between bites of waffles. Somehow. She was seriously hoovering those things like... like a hoover vacuum? Man I'm bad at euphemisms. "I must know for curiosity's sake, if our world is any similar to yours..." She asked, "I don't have to know specifics unless you comfortable talking about them, but I ask mainly to gain knowledge and in case our world should be prepared for war."
"As far as I can tell, it's almost exactly the same," I started, pointing over at Sparkly Twilight Sparkle. "Minor differences though. My Twilight Sparkle is an alicorn, like you. And am I wrong to guess that Ex-Queen Chrysalis isn't living in Ponyville with her marefriend?" I asked.
Cadance blinked with a rather surprised look on her face before composing herself and shaking her head. "No I would say not. Queen Chrysalis is in the dungeons of Canterlot ever since Crystal discovered their hideout." She tapped her chin thoughtfully, "Good to know that this world is not in any immediate danger though." She hummed thoughtfully. By then dessert had come around...
"Well, I wouldn't put absolute faith in what I say," I said, thinking about Crystal, "As far as I know, there's absolutely no mention or reference of Crystal Gems in my Equestria, if they even exist there at all. And again, my Twilight is an alicorn, there could be some VERY drastic differences between our worlds. You could head back to Ponyville and find it taken over by fireflies for all I know. Ideally, you should just take things as they come. Unless you have super accurate prophesies that are never wrong. If you have those, follow those."
I munched at a cake that had found it's way in front of me, "Unless it's a thing to rebel against fate or something here. I really only have a bare bones idea of how things work around here to begin with."
Cadance couldn't help but chuckle at my reference to Ponyville being taken over by fireflies. "Hmm..." She said, a thoughtful look on her face as she folded her hooves in front of her. "Well, I guess we'll just have to see won't we?" she turned towards her husband and started talking to him. Guess Q&A time was over.
"So what now?" I asked Crystal.
"Dunno..." she let loose with a shrug, "Usually this is where I kinda kick back and relax at this point." She said, slouching in her Minotaur-sized chair. She let out a deep yawn, "I guess I'll probably head to the rooms soon and take stock of things, perhaps play old mare with Pinkie Pie, etc." She added.
"No."
"Baby," Rainbow Dumbass tried to chastise me.
"Call me what you like, I would rather sleep on a cactus than sleep in the same room as you," I clarified, "I'd probably get more sleep that way."
The time had passed with frightening frequency, leaving us at a crossroad as they tried to assign me sleeping quarters. A slight problem had arisen when it turned out there was a slight lack of rooms. Seven rooms. Apparently they would have set me up in a completely different section of the castle, but Cadence had voiced some concern for my well being. I think she just wanted to room me with one of the girls to mess with me. She seemed kind of like the prankster kind of person.
"Wimp," she said in a pathetic attempt to insult me.
"No," I preempted Pinkie Pie, pointing a finger in her direction. She had a manic look on her face, and an arm/leg thrust above her head like she wanted a question answered. "Just no. With Rainbow I can look forward to hours of her trying to convince me how awesome she is. With you, the same hours I'd be trying to fall asleep would be filled by you being generally energetic and annoying. Sorry, not annoying," I tried to find a better term to describe her as her expression twitched for the barest of a second. "Distracting. Not conductive to sleep."
Crystal sighed as she set down her playing cards and gave Pinkie a pitying glance before getting up. Where was my pity? I wanted some pity.
"Enough." She interrupted as she stood up fully, "Wade, you can sleep with me." Crystal offered, turning away as she did so.
She opened the door to a random room, revealing its contents. Desk, desk lamp... and one bed.
"Noop," I muttered, going over to try the one door across the hall. Desk, desk lamp, bed. Singular. The remainder of the rooms showed the same lack of duality, revealing a frightening possibility. Cadence wasn't just a prankster. She was an annoying, matchmaker cupid of a prankster. There wasn't any other explanation for trying to stick me in the room of one of them with only a single bed. Well I couldn't just let that be as it was.
I let out a low sigh, trying to think of a passive way I could stymie her. "Can I get a single pillow and a blanket from each of you?" I asked, trying to think fast, "One pillow, a spare, and then a blanket from each of you. I basically want to make a pile I can sleep in it as Spike. That way I don't have to encourage a certain Alicorns amorous related shenanigans," I explained.
The six of the main ponies shrugged and left to go fetch the items that I requested while Crystal put her hands on her hips. "Huh, I could've sworn there'd be more than one bed in at least one room." She frowned before looking over at me. She walked into the bedroom and looked around. "Do you think its got a bathroom somewhere? If it does, we might be able to squeeze one of us inside a tub or something." She hummed as she put a hand to her chin, "Or maybe if I shapeshift into a pony I could save space and sleep inside the tub..." She muttered to herself.
"That sounds... insanely uncomfortable," I said, stifling a grimace. "Just take the bed, I'll take the floor. I'm sure to disappoint the pegacorn already by not sharing one of your beds, I wouldn't want to inadvertently piss her off by making you sleep in discomfort while I get a bed. You wanna know what I honestly expected? Bunkbeds. I don't know why, this place was just giving me that vibe. That and the whole-" I stopped, bringing up one of my hands to stare at it.
The glimmering shimmer that had covered my pseudo 'Crystal' hands was slowly fading, returning them to regular flesh tones. As regular as tinted green can be. As I thought on it, it was kinda weird I hadn't morphed back by now. I guess I was just trying to break the form in. Nothing all that different really -YES. DIFFERENT GENDER. I KNOW. AVOIDING THAT- except a particular vibrancy of citrus fruits. Oranges just tasted better, for some reason.
"Coooool," I flouted,"Hey, Crystal! Look! I'm back to normal!" she gave me an incredulous look, as if to silently judge my supposed intelligence. "As back to normal as a clone version of you can be, yes."
"Huh. Well good for you." She nodded as she went back to assess the situation. "Look, back to the bed thing..." She thumbed to the piece of furniture. "I've slept on harder things than floor, and the tub isn't any worse that your pile idea." She sighed, as she pulled out her sword thingy from her forehead rock. "So, since neither one of us wants to budge we're going to do this my way..." She grinned as she held the sword.
Well I couldn't have THAT, now could I? How dare you girl, rebuff my attempts to be courteous! I shall pummel my chivalry into your skull! Okay I think I took a wrong turn somewhere.
"I'll warn you," I started, flailing my arms in front of me in a pseudo kung-fu manner, "I can probably last for a whole thirteen seconds before being knocked out. In that thirteen seconds, I'll be sure to give you a nasty bruise! Or... you know, barring that I'll lower myself to insulting you or something. I'll think of something!" I eyed her sword thing, watching it as she waved it back and forth in front of herself.
"Hmmm... Pretty sure sword beats gauntlets," I thought out loud, thinking back to the gloves I had gotten from the necklace. They were pretty destructive when they did touch something, but they were still GLOVES. Kinda lacking on the range department. "Maybe I should look into getting a sword? Or a staff. Or maybe I should just try to get a shield. A shield seems like it would be very useful right about now..."
"Uh, I was just going to spin it on the floor to see who takes the bed." Crystal blinked in a confused manner. Clearly we were thinking two very different things.
"Sorry to say, but when you brandish a sword with a wicked look in your eye and the slightest sneer of an edge in your voice, that doesn't exactly scream 'benign', just so you know," I retorted, letting my arms drop to my sides.
"Huh?" Crystal said, "I didn't think I sounded like that. Apologies." She frowned, "Anyways, I'll just set the sword down here an-"
"Uh... Am I interrupting something?" Rainbow Dash suddenly asked confused as she opened the door.
"Blanket!" I all but yelled, grabbing it from the pegasus, "Perfectly innocent blankets! I'll throw that in this corner," I tossed it in the corner, leaving it in a heap. "There! Ties the room together, don't you think?"
Rainbow scratched her head confused, "Uh... Yea I guess so?"
Soon the other ponies came in as the awkwardness faded and brought the supplies needed for my bedding pile of awesomeness.
Crystal had to smirk when she saw all the assorted blankets and pillows. She couldn't have any. Mine.
"We found some extra linen in the maid's station." Rarity said proud as she dropped a pillow from her magic grip.
"We also searched for a bed, but came up with nuthin'" Applejack sighed, "But hay, at least we found these!" She said cheerfully.
It was then that Twilight noticed Crystal holding her sword thingy. "Uh, why is your weapon out?" Twilight blinked confusedly as a blue tint flushed over Crystal's face.
I collected the assorted bedding, piling it in a corner. Once I had assembled it into a formation I could easily crawl into later, I turned back to the group.
"I dunno, but she said something about 'spin the bottle'. However the heck that would work with a sword," I contributed. What? I can make jokes too...
"That, and I- uh..." Crystal's eyes darted back and forth for a moment as the faint blue blush faded from her face. She took a deep breath and let it out, "That and I was er... Wanting to give Wade a weapon, Yes!" She lied in a high pitched titter, "A um, weapon to help defend himself if need be since his Crystal Gem form is unable to. Here Wade." She stuttered as she handed me her sword thingy.
Twilight smiled, "Aww! That's so sweet~!" Twilight clapped with her hooves in a fashion I can only describe as 'cheerfully'.
I took the blade as she handed it to me, turning it over in my hands. What she had been saying hadn't really made any sense. She said one thing, then went and said yet another thing someone else asked. She was kinda weird.
The sword was again, kinda not sorta a sword. It was like a spear... but more like a sword with a really long handle. Its pearlescent shine was offset against my own green tinged skin.
I turned it over again, and I felt a familiar sensation. As I tried to place the feeling, the sword disintegrated in my hands.
"NyeeeeeeeAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!" I yelped, dancing around on my tiptoes as a cloud of white sparklies flew around my head. I frantically waved my hands in an attempt to protect myself, but that had about the same effect as the same effort would have on a swarm of bees. That is to say, laughably ineffective.
I ran circles around the room, Crystal yelling something but I couldn't tell what it was. My feet somehow found the only errant sheet in the entire room and managed to wrap it around themselves, sending me tumbling to the floor. Crystal landed on top of me, inadvertently pinning my arms to the ground. I could only watch in horror as the sparklies gathered, diving towards, and into my left eye.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?" I trailed off, noticing first and foremost that... it didn't hurt. "It... didn't hurt? Well now I feel just like an... can you get off me?" I asked, trying to struggle out from under her. "I can't... get... just... heeeeeeelp." She was like a human Chinese finger trap. Or it was the blanket wrapped around our struggling forms. Maybe.
"Argh!" Crystal yelped as she tangled us up further in the sheet. God she wasn't helping at all, her wrigglings were just causing the sheets to get tighter...
Anyways, we struggled to our hearts content for a few seconds, before a familiar tingle engulfed us and gently lifted us up into the air.
"I thought we agreed you weren't sharing sleeping arrangements..." Twilight giggled as she untangled us both from the bed sheet and gently set us back down. "Honestly, you're like two foals." She snickered as she left the room, having done her duty. in embarrassing the hell out of us.
"It wasn't li-!" Crystal tried to reply, but Twilight had already left.
Fuming from embarrassment, she crossed her arms and stood up.
I kept quiet as Crystal stood fuming at the door, a list of muttered obscenities too low to hear.
How... what the hell was that? In the show they drew weapons from their gems, but it wasn't like I was a real one. And it was HER sword, anyway! Did I steal it? How the hell did I steal it? It just turned to sparklies and flew into my eye! And what the hell was that feeling I had? It had felt like... like when... when I absorbed the necklace?
I closed my eyes, trying to put words to the feeling of the event. It was heat and cold, and neither. It was an odd sensation that put my hair on end, making the hair on my neck stand on end. I... for lack of a better word, reached for that feeling. It was encircled around my... my... my magic. It hung there next to the source, and I grabbed at it.
I felt it cascading out of my eye, slowly solidifying in my grasp. I opened my eyes, pleasantly surprised by what I now held in my hand.
The sword had returned, but in an altered state. No longer did it have the form of a spear, it was a proper sword now. It had a long, curving blade, like a cutlass. The hilt had a guard, encircling my hand and sending off shimmers of light. But the biggest difference, was the material it appeared to be made of. It was a vibrant shade of green, the blade itself made of emerald.
"Uh..." I started, turning to Crystal, "Is it supposed to do that?"
"Woah." She blinked, "That is amazing! How-? Wait, nevermind... Can you actually use it?" She smiled in a worrying manner.
"I'm... not really a fighter, really," I admitted. "I took fencing classes when I was ten, but that was only for a few months. I... was a bit of a spoiled brat. So if by 'use', you mean flail around wildly and hope it looks like actual swordplay, then yes. I can totally use it." I took a couple chops, wincing at the sweep as I swung off target. "It... I don't think this sword lends itself very well towards fencing. This is more of a... pirate-y sword. Yaaaar, avast ye matey," I said, closing my right eye, "Ye'll be giv'in up ye booty to the dread pirate rock eye, ye shall!"
Crystal couldn't help but laugh at my impeccable privateer impression. "Well I guess you'll just have to learn then." She smiled before stretching out and yawning. "But not tonight." She said, her eyelids drooping cutely as she walked over to the bed. "I'm way too bushed," she muttered, as a bright glow enveloped her being and she switched to pjs. She then climbed into bed.
Wait, did she just get changed right in front of me? I'm not sure how to feel about that. Conflicted?
I followed suit, demorphing as I rearranged the pile of blankets and pillows. I slowly went from green skin, to regular skin, to thick scaly hide. It was really quite amazing how dense the little dragons skin was. And as if to say 'screw that' to the state of his skin by the law of physics not being as dextrous as my own, his skin was just as good as mine.
I nestled in under the multitude of covers, poking out a snub scaly snout.
"Hey Crystal?"
Crystal turned around as she got into the covers. "Hm?" she grunted.
"Thank you," I muttered, sliding back under the pile.
"Not a problem," she hummed pleasantly.
I had a restful sleep, one without dreams or memories. I woke up slowly, stretching to my furthest extent under my pile of blankets. That wasn't very much, mind you. Both because I was now Spikes own diminutive stature, and because a familiar ball of scales was wrapped around my midsection. Drooling on my damned chest.
I dug the blankets away from my head, surfacing and allowing me to look around. I must have looked freaking hilarious with my head poking out, because as I turned my head I caught sight of Crystal. Laying on her stomach, watching my pile intently with glee in her eyes and a smile on her lips. Kicking her heels back and forth, staring at me intently and trying not to laugh.
"How long has Spike been here?" I asked, as straight faced as I could. I really hope this wasn't going to become a regular occurrence. I really should have learned from the last time, next time I had to sleep in an unfamiliar environment I'll just make a pseudo mattress and sleep on top of it normally. Not that sleeping as Spike wasn't anything less than comfortable -seriously, dragons are incapable of get back cricks, it's heavenly regardless of the contortion- but I didn't like people being in my personal bubble.
Drooling all over my freaking chest. Did I highlight on that part? If I didn't, I think I should. The scaly little bugger was DROOLING ON ME.
"Did you see him come in?" I enunciated, doubtful of confirmation. This version of him probably sleepwalked too. Just my luck.
Crystal shook her head, "No not really... But last night around three I heard something scratching about but didn't see anything." She rubbed her chin.
Just then someone knocked on the door in rapid succession.
For some inane reason -seriously, I just wanted to pry Spike off me and go back to bed. Could I do that? I'd like to do that- Crystal went and creaked open the door, only to have it slammed open as a pink blur dashed through the room.
"WADE!" Pinkie Pie giggled madly as she began bouncing up and down fast. "IT'S TIME TO CELEBRATE~!" She sung as yellow frosting seemed to fall off her face in clumps, giving the effect she was foaming at the mouth. Wonderful. My morning went from bad to worse.
"Wade?" I said in a shaken stupor.
I then had a brilliant idea. There was no way it couldn't work. It was so stupid, it had to work! Spike was still hidden under the mass of sheets surrounding me, giving me an ample excuse.
"I'm not... Wade. I'm Spike!" I said enthusiastically. "And anyway, isn't it too early for a party? If you're too tired, you can't enjoy a party.'' I made a grand show of looking all around me at the room. "Crystal? How did I get," I leaned my gaze downward, hiding my face from sight. "Oh... was I sleep walking again?"
Pinkie Pie drew closer, the scent of sickly sweet sugar frosting on her breath. She let out a "Hmmmmmmmmm," before darting her hoof forward in a lightning fast motion, throwing the covers to the side. And somehow making them all fall into a neat little stack, each of them folded perfectly. "Aaaaaaha!" she chirped, grinning wildly. "I found you~"
"I... uh..." I stammered, Spike still somehow not having woken up from all this, "Split... into... two?"
Pinkie gave me a short shake of her head.
"I'm... dreaming. Yeah. Obviously there couldn't be two of me..."
Another short shake of her head.
"Oh my gosh, whats that?" I asked weakly while pointing at the wall behind her.
"That's a wall, silly!" she chirped, her head whirling around to look at said wall then back to me. Well. I've had better track record with that. Think I'll stick to 'Oh look a distraction' from now on. That one at least worked in my favor.
"A... wall... yes it is..."
"C'mon you silly billy, there's a party waiting with your name on it!" she exclaimed, holding out a hoof for me to grab.
After a couple seconds realizing there was no way I would get out of this, I let loose a sigh and reached a claw forward to accept her hoofshake. The sooner I could get this over with, the sooner I could go back to not interacting with anyone. As I reached my/Spikes claw forward, I encountered flesh and grabbed.
"Wade?" Twilights voice asked, and my eyes flew open in shock. My appendage was stretched forward, the digits clamped down on her... snout. Looking around I saw I was back in the crystal castle. Back home. Pseudo home. "Let go," she said in a harsh whisper.
I let go of her face, apologizing as I did so. I looked around once more, making sure the other variant Pinkie Pie wasn't going to pop out of a wall or something.
"What are you," Twilight started, more than likely in reaction to my wild head turns. "Is there something I should be worried about?"
I gave her a shake of my head, slowly coming to terms that the multiverse didn't actually hate me. It had handed me a gift on a silver platter. I shook, slowly raising my/Spikes arms above my head. Time to let my victory be known, and completely jinx myself.
I stretched, reaching a back hoof to almost touch the end of the bed. I didn't quite reach, the wooden board tauntingly just out of reach.
Letting out a yawn longer than a two day snake, I forced my eyes to creep open. The brilliant light of the morning sun was streaming into the room from the window above me, striking my face with its warm glow.
Well that was odd, how come nopony came and woke me up? I gave another stretch, enjoying the rest I had gotten.
My eyes shot open again in a panic. I looked around the room. Not my room. The walls were bare, polished crystal. Did I stay the night at Twilights? If I had or hadn't didn't matter, seeing as apparently I did!
"Crabapples, I overslept!" I yelled out. Applejack and Big Macintosh were going to kill me!
I leapt out of bed, throwing the blanket to the floor. I checked my surroundings, checking to see if I had brought anything with me. I had apparently gotten drunk on a flask of cider, seeing as I had fallen asleep in somepony elses room. I could see a backpack leaning up beside the door, and some clothes there as well. On the shelves I saw a smattering of unfamiliar items, most of them looking like random junk.
So I had taken up somepony elses bed for the night. Was there anypony else staying at Twilights? I hadn't thought so, but obviously there was seeing as this room was recently used. I hope they managed to find another place to sleep, but it wasn't like there wasn't a surplus in Twilights castle.
I stopped in front of the mirror on the closet door, and gave my reflection a wide grin.
I posed and brushed my mane away from my eyes, "Well whomever's room this is, they can't feel bad about having a beautiful young mare like me sleeping in their bed, can they?~"
It had been an uneventful morning. Applejack had gotten up at the crow of the rooster, along with her brother to start the days chores. She had decided to let Applebloom sleep in, it was the weekend after all. It wasn't like there was that much to do, anyway. The tree's were almost bare of apples, an entire harvest neatly taken care of.
Big Mac had taken a load of produce to market, leaving her all on her lonesome. Just her, the trees, and the cool breeze whistling through the branches on high.
"Applejack!"
Applejack was jolted from her almost trance like state of work. It really was peaceful way to move the day along, just buck one tree, onto the next. Looking up the road, she was treated to an odd sight.
It was Wade, in his double body 'morph' thing. Making it so he looked like a cross between Applejack herself and her big brother. Applejack inspected 'his' body as he got ever closer, it really was uncanny. It was like the poster child 'what the buck' thought of if she and her brother ever-
"No! No no no! Ew, gross no," Applejack muttered to herself, shaking her head of her icky thoughts.
"What? Sorry, didn't catch that..." Wade said, coming closer and to a stop in front of her.
"Nothin', nothin worth repeatin' anyways. So what are you doin' here at," Applejack looked to the sky for the time, seeing the sun was almost completely overhead, "Lands sakes! Is it already that late?"
"I'm sorry sis!" Wade belted out, catching Applejack by surprise.
That certainly was odd. What was Wade up to, calling her that? He looked a bit out of breath, like he had run the entire way here. Well he certainly was trying to sell... whatever it was he was up to.
"Sis?" Applejack asked, probing for an answer. "What exactly do ya mean by that?"
"I... I musta fallen asleep at Twilights, I am so super sorry Applejack, please don't dock my allowance, I swear it was an accident!" he crowed, bowing his head as if in apology.
If Applejack had a piece of straw in her mouth, she would have chewed at it with a fervent vigor. As it stood, she chewed at her lip in contemplation. What in tarnation was Wade trying to pull?
"Yer... Ya left me in a bind, sis," Applejack said, playing along. If he wanted to continue such foolishness, who was she to question that? If she played her cards right, she'd be able to unload some work on him. It'd do him some good, getting a bit of excercise. He stayed in that silly castle all the livelong day, only coming out when he got bored. "D'ya have any idea how much work there's left to do? Ah thought ah was gonna have ta do it all mahself!" she said in a chastising tone.
"Ahm sorry!" Wade responded, still not lifting his head.
"Now, Ah won't allow no more of this foolishness, ah need ya to... to..." Applejack wracked her brain trying to think of a chore she knew Wade couldn't mess up. "Yall can move the barrels in the fields to the barn, there's a fair many of them an ah expected ya tah be helping with em earlier."
It wasn't lieing. It was... playing along? Yeah, playing along! Who was she to stomp on Wades fun, iffin he wanted to play up a joke like this?
"Ah'll get right on that!" Wade belted out, dashing off into the rows. As he turned away, Applejack saw... a cutiemark on his flank?!!? What in tarnation? It had been but a flash what she had seen, but it had looked like both hers and her brothers. Big Macintoshes green apple half, with her own three red apples on top of it.
Seems even Twilight was gettin in on the joke. There was nopony else who could possibly fake a cutie mark, so it was quite obvious. "Think ya kin pull the wool over mah eyes, do ya Twi? Well jokes on ya, ah wasn't born yesterday. Yer gonna have to do better then that if ya wanna get one up on me!"
Applejack turned towards town and set off at a canter. She'd been working all day to this point, might as well get lunch in town, unveil Twilights failure of a joke while she was at it.
Applejack allowed herself a wry grin, and a short laugh. Hoo-wee, how did Twilight ever think a joke like THAT was gonna work?
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Twilight said adamantly.
"Fess up missy, I like a good joke jes as much as the next pony, but yall been caught in the act!" Applejack pressed.
"I'm telling you the truth Applejack, I'm not involved in whatever you think is going on. Wade was asleep in his bed when I got up, and about half an hour ago he tore out of the castle like a thestral out of Tartarus. If he had a joke planned, he didn't mention anything to me," she assured her stout legged friend.
"He had a cutie mark, Twi. Whopony else but you could give somepony a fake cutiemark?"
"But... I can't do that Applejack, I already tried when your sister asked me to-" Twilight trailed off, a shocked look of disgust crossing Applejack's features. "I couldn't say no! She did the puppy dog eyes thing, I didn't have a choice!"
"Mmmhmm," Applejack grunted.
"Well... anyway. She asked me, way back when, right when I first came to Ponyville. I tried, and failed. It's impossible to fake a cutiemark. Is it possible he actually got one of his own, and decided to enact a joke based on the fact that nopony had seen it yet?" Twilight probed.
"Not unless his cutie mark ended up lookin like a mashup of mah cutiemark an mah brothers," Applejack firmly rebutted.
"Huh... maybe he painted it on?" Twilight supplied weakly.
"Can you do that?"
"There have been scattered cases of adding to a cutiemarks design, Princess Luna is a prime example. Of course that's a magic tattoo, supplemented by the cutie mark. If you try to paint on something, or even something as simple as a tattoo of a line, without the magic of the cutiemark being there initially whatever alterations you make will almost immediately disappear."
Applejack sat in silence for a few seconds, munching on the salad before her. "So how the hay did he do it? Iffin it can't be done without a cutiemark already being there, where does that leave us?" she asked, pondering.
"Well we could sit here theorizing on it, or we could just go ask the source!" Twilight declared, removing herself from her seat.
"Not till I'm done," Applejack stated, laying into her salad once more. At Twilights incredulous look, she swallowed, "What? I came all the way into town for a meal, I ain't leaving it half finished. That's jes plain rude to yer cook," she said with a wink, directed towards the dragon who up till this point had been content to remain quiet and 'let the girls talk'.
"Aw... it's just a little something I threw together," he said bashfully.
"And it was really good, c'mon, hurry up!" Twilight pressured, bouncing on her hooves.
Instead of 'hurrying up', Applejack instead lowered her head to her bowl. As sloooooooooooooooowly as she could. She took a single leaf of greenery. As sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowly as she could. She then started chewing it. As sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowly as she could.
"Aaaaagh," Twilight let out a low groan.
Applejack let herself have a small smile of success. Who said she couldn't have a bit of fun every once in a while?
"Wade? I haven't seen im," Applebloom steadfastly insisted.
"He was here jes a half hour ago, Bloom! He was wearin the skin of both me an Big Mac, bright red mare working in the orchard? Ya couldna missed her!" Applejack exclaimed.
"Ahm tellin ya I didn't see im, the only ponies I've seen so far today have been you, Twilight, Big Mac, and Pinkie Pie!" Applebloom declared, matching her sister word for word in determination.
"Pinkie Pie was here?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah, but she was looking all down. Her hair was flatter than yours, Twilight," she replied.
"That's Wades morph!" Twilight triumphantly declared, "Flat hair? It had to have been him!"
Applebloom shook her head in dissent, "Nah, wasn't him. I thought at first it might be, but when I got a closer look I saw she had her own cutiemark. Wade can't copy that, can he?" she asked.
Twilight shook her head, mirroring Appleblooms. "I don't think so. Although that would be a remarkable improvement, if he suddenly gained the mastery over his ability to enable something like that. You're sure he wasn't wearing a sheet or something over his side, a small swathe of fabric he could have worn to make it look like he had a cutie mark?"
"Nope, I got an upclose look at her, she didn't have nuthin like that. Plus, she talked just like herself, even if her hair wasn't right. Now that yer back sis, can I go hang out with mah friends? I was thinking we could write her a card or something."
"Bake her a cupcake?" Twilight suggested. If Pinkie really was out of sorts, they'd have to do some major damage control.
"Good gosh no, not With Sweetiebelle," Applebloom hurriedly shot down the suggestion, "I dun know how, but that filly can burn orange juice. Goin round and flauntin that me and Scoots-"
"Scootaloo and I," Twilight corrected her.
"Scoots and I," she waited for Twilights nod of aproval, "Can cook. She can't. It'd be mean to rub it in her face like that."
"Not that this isn' faaaascinatin', but we should get back to the Wade thing, right?" Applejack pressed.
Twilight and Applebloom looked quizzically at her, until she finally broke down, "What? It's like a mystery, started right here down on mah farm!" she said happily. "Ah wanna get down to the bottom o' it, 'specially since its all been flaunted right in front o' my muzzle. Ahm interested, ya hear?"
Twilight gave a happy nod. A good mystery was always a pleasant way to exercise ones mind. To be able to share that with one of her friends was definitely sounding like a good day to spend with her friend.
"An go ahead Applebloom, be sure tah be back by dinner, ya hear?"
"Yay!" With that and a sudden cloud of kicked up dust, the excitable young filly was gone.
"So I guess we have to head back into Ponyville?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah, seems a waste for this back and forth, but ah guess there aint nothing doing against it."
"So super duper sorry Twilight, but other Pinkie turned into Rarity and left just a few minutes ago!" Pinkie Pie chirped from behind the counter in Sugarcube Corner, passing food and drink over to paying customers.
"What? What do you mean, 'other Pinkie', Pinkie?" Twilight asked. "And she turned into Rarity, so it must have been Wade, right?"
"I..." Pinkie Pie paused, all activity in the shop dieing with her. Once she continued speaking again everything returned to normal. "I'm honestly not sure. I mean, in any other case I would definitely say 'Yes!' Yes right away and then you know me I'd keep pointing at him or something and with a sign and just keep pointing out that it was Wade. But... that was me," Pinkie Pie insisted. "She didn't have my hair, but she was just as happy as me, she had the same laugh, she knew everypony by name, she had my cutiemark, and she even knew the entire menu by heart. Wade didn't know the menu at all, so it couldn't have been him!"
Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin in thought. "Could she have been a changeling, running around as a prank? We haven't had one of them do that in a while, but it technically still isn't against the law..."
"Nope!" Pinkie Pie said dismissively. "I told you Twilight, she knew the WHOLE menu. NOPONY knows the full menu but me, not even Mr. and Mrs. Cake!"
"Well... did you at least see them transform? If it was a changeling it would have happened in a burst of flames, while Wade's morphing takes about a minute..."
"Weeeelllllllll," Pinkie pie started, a bashful look on her face as she tipped a ball of ice cream onto a cone for a young filly, "I didn't exactly see other Pinkie change. I looked away for like, a few seconds, ten at the most and when I looked back, shiny Rarity was standing where other Pinkie had been!"
"Shiny Rarity?" Twilight questioned.
"Yeah! You should see her, she's all super sparkly, just like when we saved the Crystal Empire!" Pinkie Pie crowed, flinging several cups and their contents to land on a table against the far wall, where they were quickly set upon by the foals sitting there.
"Does Wade even have a morph like that?" Twilight mused to herself. "I seem to remember him saying he had gained a Rarity morph, but he never said anything about it being a Crystal Empire version of her..."
"Well what're we still doin here? Do ya know where she went after she was here, Pinkie?"Applejack inquired.
"Oh! She said she had to go back to her shop, she was kinda confused about how she wound up 'back in ponyville' and she kept asking where somepony named 'Crystal' was."
"A Rarity that looks like she came from the Crystal Empire, asking after a pony named Crystal. Well that just makes everything as clear as... mud." Twilight groused.
"Well we know where she done went," Applejack declared, heading for the door. " So what're we still doin here? Oh wait, Pinkie, didja have any luck with that batch of candied cider? Big Mac wants tah know iffin the recipes ready to be integrated into the standard lineup for the fall."
"Sorry Jackie, the taste keeps coming out wrong. If at all possible, I'd like another two barrels if you can spare them."
"Guh. Fine, but Big Mac ain't gonna be happy about that. The less cider we store, the less will sit and grow, as he says." Applejack mimed.
"Tourquoise!"
"Add some lace!"
"It needs stitching, here, you see?"
"Oh yes, we can use this shade, it brings out the color something magnificent!"
"Oh Rarity you are such a dear!"
"Why thank you Rarity, you are quite a darling yourself!"
Twilight and Applejack stood watching this spectacle from the doorway, a trill of fear racing through their hearts. Nearly dancing throughout the room, the Two Rarity's darted back and forth, using their magic to augment the dress on the ponyquin residing in the middle of the room.
"Should we-" Applejack started.
"Better not," Twilight said decisively.
"Twilight! Applejack! Do come in, darlings!" came from both Rarity's, a stereo effect that cowed both Applejack and Twilight.
"Should... we come back later?" Applejack asked.
"No no no no no, we wouldn't think of it, would we Rarity?"
"No, never Rarity!" the other crowed back.
"We were just working on a project, pooling our mental resources."
"If you don't mind me asking," Twilight started.
"I do believe I am who you are looking for, Twilight?" the Rarity with a crystalline coat said, placing a swathe of fabric up against the dress, frowning when the change in light caused the colors to not match. "After reviewing information with Rarity here, I can safely say that this is indeed not my Ponyville. There's just too many discrepancies. Pinkie Pie isn't the owner of Sugarcube Corner, my sister apparently has a home away from home under my own roof, and nopony has even so much as heard of Crystal. It's quite obvious, if one simply thinks about it."
"Yes," Twilight clarified. "Were you also at Sweet Apple Acres earlier?"
"Can't say I was, darling. Last thing I remember, we were in the Crystal Empire. We had just defeated Sombra, Wade had recently left,"
"Wade! You know Wade?" Twilight asked, her mind racing.
"Why yes, Crystal called him using the strange box she had found in the library. He definitely cheered Crystal up, I think seeing someone of her own species was enough to put her heart at ease. Poor dear, can you imagine? Being stuck in a strange land, no way to get home, not a single face of your own species to let you know everythings going to be okay?"
Twilight felt a pang of understanding. Was that how it was for Wade? Never knowing if you were ever going to be able to see any of the race you had for the entirety of your life? Twilight resolved to double her efforts to get Wade home. If they could just figure out where he had disappeared off to. One mystery at a time.
"I... I think I can understand. Do you know how you got here? Or where the Pinkie Pie you replaced went?"
"Pinkie Pie? Oh yes, the dear did say something about there being another her. I can't confess any knowledge as to that, but I did wake up in the Sugarcube Corner, and apparently quite a few ponies claim to have seen 'a' Pinkie Pie turn into me." she let out a low huff, "So I have to take their words at face value. As to how I got here, I haven't the foggiest."
"Don't worry, we'll help you, won't we Twilight?" Their Rarity asked, throwing a pleading glance towards Twilight.
"Of course. We won't simply hang ya out tah dry-" Applejack started.
Hew words were cut off however, but a sparkling light coming from the new Rarities hindquarters stopped them all in their tracks. They all peered over to attain a better view, and watched in confusion as her cutie mark... shifted. It twisted and changed, slowly becoming that of Twilights own.
Before their very eyes, Rarity's coat and flesh twisted and melted.
"That's Wade's-" Applejack clamped a hoof down on Twilights muzzle, cutting her words off.
She continued to melt in upon herself, her coat quickly turning purple. Soon enough, standing before them was a lavender unicorn. It was Twilight, but without wings. She opened her eyes, noticing Rarity first.
"Rarity? Did it work?" she asked, circling around to look at her cutie mark. Upon seeing Rarity's cutiemark undisturbed, she clapped her hooves together giddily. "Yes yes yes yes yes! It actually worked! It-" Unicorn Twilight stopped, staring open gobbed at the alicorn version of herself standing in the doorway.
"Oh my gosh... she's me... before I ascended!" She said in a strained tone towards Applejack.
"How the hay? But that was Wade's morphing, wasn't it?" Applejack asked, "Sure, it looked a lot faster'n anythin I ever seen him do, but that was his stuff!"
"Applejack? What are you, Who is... is that me?" The new Twilight asked.
"Well," Twilight butted in, trying to explain, "You see, the thing is-"
"Oh fer lands sake, if yer the one explainin we'll be here all night, an' she'll have turned into a hundred other ponies by then!" Applejack burst out, surprising them all, "Short version. Yer a bloke named Wade. Wade has the ability tah transform into anypony jes by touching them. You've been livin' at Twilights for the past week, and somethin happened to ya today whats made yall go all loopy and have memories from all the ponies you've copied."
Twilight nodded her head in agreement. The logic was sound, although with that reasoning there was still the question of the mare Applejack had first encountered. As Applejack had described it, he had thought himself Applejacks sister. That didn't mesh with what Applejack had just described.
The new Twilight ruminated on Applejacks words, trying to make sense of it on her own. "I guess... that makes sense? Everypony is okay though, right? they got their cutie marks back? I'm not misremembering that?"
Twilight gave a curt nod, "Yes, Starswirls spell was successful, all of our friends were returned to normal... and then, well... I ascended and became an alicorn."
New Twilight walked forward, circling her to get a better view. "Those wings... are they comfortable?" she asked, standing in front of her. "You're taller than me."
Twilight giggled, noticing the height difference as well. "I've gained an inch or two... And at the start no, they were not. They have minds of their own, and like to stretch to their own volition. It's like trying to sleep with two little foals who like to kick you every couple minutes. Guess I have a little bit of extra experience when it finally comes to having foals of my own, though," she ended with a smile.
New Twilights eyes widened at the implications, and a slight blush flashed its way across her face. "So... what now? If I truly am this stallion named Wade-"
"Not quite a stallion," Applejack butted in.
New Twilight gave her a confused glance, "... Colt?" she ventured.
"Eeeenope," was Applejack's succinct reply.
"Well Wade is an odd name for a mare-"
"For crying out loud!" Twilight interrupted, "After all the fuss you gave me over wasting time? Wade is of a species called 'Human'. They resemble monkeys, but only barely. He is definitely a he, but as you yourself are evidence he has the ability to become female."
"So I'll ask again," New Twilight started, "If I am this... Wade, and am on the verge of becoming another overlying personality and form over this Wade at any point in time, what are we going to do about this?"
"What are yall suggestin?" Applejack asked.
"Well, if we were to trace... 'Wade's' comings and goings, we might be able to ascertain how this phenomena came to be. Backtrack along the steps he's made," New Twilight explained.
"The theory is sound," Twilight agreed, "And we already have a heap of information to go towards this goal. I think we should start back at my castle, if Applejack was the first pony to see him then it stands to reason that we should find something between there and Sweet Apple Acres. If anything at all. As it stands, we still don't know whats going on, if anything bad at all. For all we know this could be a natural cycle of his powers..."
"Wait, wait a minute. I have a castle?!" New Twilight asked with a hint of excitement tinged with unbelieving derision.
"Well with the library all blown up-"
"Applejack!" Twilight hissed, as her doppelgangers face went white.
"It's certainly... large," New Twilight remarked, looking at the open halls as the small group trouped through them.
"It was definitely a bit intimidating at the start, but this place has started to grow on me," Twilight admitted.
"A confusin mess of hallways, iffin ya ask me," Applejack supplied, looking around warily. At the very least the castle of the two sisters had been somewhat straightforward. This place was just an endless maze. Lands sakes knew she wouldn't brave these halls without an escort.
"We are going in the right direction, aren't we?"
"Of course!" Twilight responded jovially. "The guest room suite is right around the corner!"
They all turned said corner... to reveal yet another bland, featureless hallway filled with doors.
"Come on!" Twilight belted out, opening a seemingly random door and pushing through into the room beyond.
The room was rather plain, one bed, one desk, and a shelf. But scattered around the room was a plethora of unusual objects. Disproportionate clothes, that looked like they might be worn by a minotaur. A variety of nicknacks sprawled over the shelf. a backpack, leaning against the door.
"Okay... pardon me iffin I aint seein anythin out of the ordinary," Applejack groused.
"I'm not either," Twilight admitted, "I haven't been in here very often though, so this could be the result of one of his new tokens," she hypothesized, looking up at items littering the shelf.
"Tokens?" New Twilight asked, wandering over to the bed. Had she really lain here in a different form, with different memories in her head?
"Apparently Wade is a being known as a 'Displaced', somepony who has been torn from their own world and thrown across to another world entirely. These tokens," Twilight snatched one off of the shelf and levitated it over to her new double. "Are a creation by some of these Displaced to reach others in their same predicament. They supposedly use them to travel between the alternate Equestrias and render aid."
"That... is so..." New Twilight stopped, lifting the bedsheets from the bed.
"Poison Joke," Applejack exclaimed, her brow furrowing. "Shoulda known," she said, gesturing to the smattering of blue petals that had somehow found their way into Wades bedding. "But how the hay did it get here in the first place? Wade avoids the Everfree like the plague, there's no way he'd ever go far enough in to even find these."
"Discord," Twilight said in a dry, emotionless tone, her horn shining above her. "His magic is all over this room, and those flower petals to boot," she stated, lifting the remains of the flower and incinerating them in a quick motion. She magicked the ashes elsewhere, leaving no trace. "Probably thought it would be a hearty joke, poisoning Wade with such a thing."
"But this is easily remedied, right?" New Twilight asked. "I have an emergency supply of the cure back in my treehouse, we could just go get it really quick-"
"Gonna have ta stop ya there, Twi," Applejack said, holding up a hoof to avert her question. "The library was blown up, we already gone over this."
"Oh... right," New Twilights ears splayed, and Twilight had a moment of empathy as she fondly remembered the sturdy tree.
"It is still a good suggestion," Twilight rallied, trying to dispel the sudden feeling of melancholy. "I still have my own supply, and it shouldn't take us that long to draw up a bath for the cure."
"So... everything is ready now," Twilight said, trying to keep her irritation in check.
"Are you going to join me, miss Sparkle?" the creature asked in Big Mac's voice, a gleeful tone of innuendo in his lilt. Twilight blushed, trying to keep from ramming her hoof into Wades cheek. He had changed once more on the way to the bathroom after they had procured the cure, sending Applejack in a fluster of giggling mess.
He now appeared as some sort of Big Macintosh. A pseudo minotaur-ish version of him, but him nonetheless. He was absolutely shameless, not even bothering to hide his... generous growth swinging between his legs. From the start he had come on to Twilight, and even his own sister. He had seemed confused at their reluctance, as if to say 'no' was an oddity. He had continued his attempts as they made their way to the bathroom, drawn the bath, and mixed in the cure.
It was annoying in the extreme to Twilight, being constantly reminded at her own lack of a partner currently. And she couldn't just take him up on his offers, after he turned back into wade that would lead to nothing but uncomfortable situations.
"Yes! Yes I am!" Twilight shrewdly lied. "I just... want you to submerge yourself first! Yeah. I prefer it when my partner is all wet," she continued, mentally gagging at the acts she was insinuating. To do that with not only the personality of a being she had never met, but with a version of Big Macintosh? Out of the question. He was simply too good of a friend to betray his trust in this fashion.
"Well then, I better not waste any time," Wade said, lowering himself into the tub with a lecherous grin stretching his face.
"All the way under, make sure you get your mane wet," Twilight prodded, waving a hoof in his direction.
He gave her a wink, submerging himself under the water in a flurry of bubbles. After a couple seconds, he started thrashing in the tub, splashing water everywhere. He surfaced with a titanic blast of air, his flesh slowly shifting back to Wades normal form.
"Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffohl," he started, spitting out a gout of water. He started coughing, drawing in huge gulps of air. He stopped after a while, glaring at Twilight as she stifled a laugh. "Ha ha. You got me. Dump the sleeping guy in the tub to wake him up. Ha ha."
"Don't you remember anything?" Twilight asked, her surprise showing in her voice. "Anything at all? You've been running around all day under the influence of poison joke!"
“Okay… is this thing on? Could need a lil´ help here. Pretty please? Hello…? Please?...” I heard coming through the void. I whipped my head around, dislodging Ferdinando from his perch.
"Sorry little buddy," I apologized, watching as he flew up to roost in the rafters. "I just got a call. She sounds like she's in trouble..." I pondered whether or not I should accept the summon. She sounded like she needed help, as evidenced by her straight out asking for it. That being said, I could very well be heading into a situation I couldn't handle.
"Screw it," I muttered, accepting the pull into the void.
“Guh… what the…” I muttered as I looked around. I couldn't see shit. It was pitch dark, and the air around me smelled like wet dirt. Was I underground?
I didn't have much of a chance to reflect on my given situation. A thick limb collided with my midsection, sending me flying with a meaty crunch. A few seconds later I found myself capable of coherent thought, but unable to to move in the pile of debris I found myself half under. I could barely think over the stabbing pains I could feel racing through my torso. So I morphed.
Duh.
Whatever the hell hit me was big. Strong. Strong enough to break my spine with a single strike.
I couldn't feel my legs, a dull persisting pain halfway down my back. I was inside a room where I couldn't see a darned thing. There was apparently at least one big bad pissed off something. If only that, by the sounds echoing around the room there was definitely a fair amount more.
I needed power. I needed nightvision. I had one morph that could probably fit the bill of both options. Dante. The crappy version of him, true, but he was still stronger than I was.
I finished the morph,
Authors Note And then during the writing process we both skipped that scene. We continued on and pretty much forgot about it, leading to the confusion that Wade apparently morphed without reason on Katz's story.
Woops.
Well, I could postpone this chapter even longer than I already have, for next to no reason. Or I could simply release it as is, giving you a little blurb to try and excuse my laziness.
Okay, so to set it up from here, Wade picked a fight with a big diamond dog. He got his ass kicked, almost instantly. He morphed Dante. He got his ass kicked again, this time only slightly after instantly.
It's Wade, so that's kinda par for the course.
I struggled free of the rocky debris I had found myself buried under -quite a trend I was finding my Dante morph with, hopefully I didn't make this a tradition.- And made my way to my feet with the help of an outstretched hand. An outstretched hand I noticed, was almost completely covered in an armored glove of some sort.
Looking up at my savior, I suddenly felt my insides clench in fear.
Now, I haven't played much of the series, but I recognize the character model well enough. Well, as familiar as a rule sixty three version of it is. But that helmet, that chest piece, those glowing red eyes... it was the Overlord. Big Bad Evil Guy of the franchise. She was practically radiating malice and intimidation, just standing there with my hand still encased within her own.
A displaced as innocent looking as Donkey Kong had turned out to be an overbearing pervert without the slightest shard of common decency. Now I was staring down one who was quite obviously evil? Good god I was going to die. There was no way around this. Unless I could distract her and escape...
"Oh my god a distraction!" I yelled in terror, pointing behind her. Her head twitched toward where I was pointing, so I freaking RAN. Actually made it seven steps before a clump of minions tackled me to the ground.
Over...lord lady slowly walked to me, her steps slow and deliberate. Finally, she stopped beside me, then stooped down to a crouch beside me.
"Did you seriously just try to 'look over there',me? Are you really that freaking stupid?"
She pushed a minion on my neck off, and tried a diplomatic smile. "Okay buddy, how about that? My Minions gonna release ya and then, the two of us will have a nice, civil chat like the reasonable adults at least on of us is? Hn? Sounds good?" she slowly drawled, teeth breaking into a slight smile.She had semi long brown hair with bangs slightly hanging over her eyes, her eyes were yellow glowing wisps, a nose that was a bit on the snubby side and a slightly thin mouth. Her entire skin was as black as charcoal, so it was kinda hard to make out details like her eyebrows. Regardless, she was cute. The minions growled in irritation, almost daring me to make an ass out of myself so they could tear me to pieces with their masters consent.
"I like civil chats. Can I get you to pinkie promise to it?" Okay, so the delivery sounded childish. but if I could rope her into a Pinkie Pie Promise, if she broke it at least I MIGHT have a pie slinging party pony at my heels to help fend her off while I headed for the hills. Better than nothing.
"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eyaAARGH!" and made the neccesary motions, only to poke her eye with her finger. "Goddam shit!! Every damn time!" she swore and rubbed her face.
"Okay, there. Now... just let me..." With a sheepish smile she shooed her Minions of me, some of them making disappointed noises. "Aw, don´t be like that. Make yourself usefull, gather the Reds, bring their nest to the portal. Oh, and don´t forget the smelters and the treasures." she told her loyal little monsters who scampered off afterwards, happily gibbering.
She...actually knew the chant. That means she met the annoying pink one before, and was on the up and up...or she just wasn't afraid of shit.
"Allright...you have my attention. I can't really scarper off to my own Equestria whenever I want, so feel free to talk as candidly as you want." If I stalled for as much time as I could, I might be able to wait out whatever would come to pass. So...Whats up? You needed my help on something?"
"Well, goody... or rather... not goody. That really depends on the point of view here..." She said, obviously trying to strike up a bit of small talk. "O~kay, how about we start over again, now that no crazy Pug on steroids is trying to rip us a new one? My name is Umbra and... oh." She...did she just blush? It was hard to tell with her completely black skin, but I'm pretty sure she just blushed...so cute..."Oh shit man... I just... you got seriously trashed back then! Are you all right? How are you all right? When that Alpha Dog smashed you against the wall, I swear I heard some bones break!"
"I'm fine," I stated, running a hand through my new, SHORT black hair. "You must have heard wrong."
Letting out an audible sigh she continued, "Boy, thats a relief. Well, like I said, names Umbra but for the most I am simply the Overlady. As for whats up, the ceiling I guess?" she gave a weak laugh. "Hmm, well, and help? Nice to offer, I could use some competent help to haul all the loot from the Alphas vault to the portal to my awesome fortress. Sucker went and snatched my Red Minions for his forge but not with me, no siree. Now he´s coal and his all his base belongs to me."
She stopped to give me a short, intrigued once over. "Say, what´s with that mini cosmic cube thingy? I mean, I found it in a pile of bits, suddenly a voice proclaimed 'call me if you need help', I guess I paniced a little as that asshat tried to kill me. Next thing I remember is you plopping from thin air."
Great. Maybe THIS is what I should get recorded. I'll have to ask twilight if I can record a phrase on a magic paper or something. Or I could ask her about how to acquire a trotmare. If I could just do this once and have it over with, that would make my day. "First a question of my own. Do you know ANYTHING about the world we're currently in, possibly relating to a tv show? And were you perhaps at a con of some sort before you found yourself...here?"
"Hmm, well, as far as I know, this is the planet Equuis, the land of Equestria, a place called the Macintosh Hills. Thats a mountain range that borders to the wasteland. Its all part of the 'My little Pony' verse, created by Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Do not ask me where we are, season whise, I have yet to make contact with the ponies. Well, except for fucker Crytal Flask." the last part, she added with a terrifying, low growl. Didn't look like she was going to fly off the handle like Rocky the Raccoon though, so whatever.
"As for the con thing, yupp, went to a con with a friend. Bought a replacement gem for my Gauntlett of Dominance there. Then, poof, I´m here, trying not be torched by freaking Crackle the Dragon for tryin´ to eat her misrable little hellspawn of a kid!"
"I'm just going to assume 'crackle the dragon' is a reference to something. Okay, so you're a normal Displaced, thats good to hear. To give you more information on the first question, some sort of interdimensional asshole picked up a bunch of humans, and slung them across the multiverse all to their own personal little Equestria. He calls himself the Merchant, and NO, I don't know anything more about him. All my information is secondhand. If you want more information, keep a lookout for-" I fished in my pants pockets before realizing the token wasn't there. I must have left it in my backpack... "A golden coin. I thought I had it in my pocket, but I don't, so I can't show you what it looks like. Its almost the same as a bit, but the head and tail is different. It has a seesaw and the letters A and U on one side, and an eclipse thingy on the other side."
"Ah ha. Displaced. Kinda fitting." She gave a nod. "And the bastard responsible is called the Merchant hn? Good, now I have a name I can put on that wankers gravestone!" She growled, radiating ...something around her left hand before letting it flicker out. "Sooo, this coin, if I find it, will it summon another guy like you? Do I get that right? And didn´t you had brown hair before? I´m pretty sure, now that I could get a better look at you."
"Brown? Yes. I went into my battle state," I bluffed, it technically was a 'battle state' but it didn't hold a candle to what it was supposed to be. Devil Trigger, why hast thou forsaken me? "Although you can probably tell, I'm not THAT much stronger." I was neglecting to tell her about morphing or the damage healing. if it turned out she wanted to put me six feet under, it would be a definite advantage if I could morph back when she turned back, and skedaddle while the getting is good. You never know, I might actually manage to live today
"Battle state? Like, Son Gokus super sajan or Narutos sage mode? That is so cool!" She squeed as she put an arm around my shoulder. "And you can´t be that weak, I mean, you took that beating like a real Champ. Hey how about..." She suddenly stopped.
"Uh? You´re not the voice I hear normally." She said, looking off towards a wall. Ooooookay, guess she had some sort of telepathic back and forth around here. Or she was just crazy. Wonderful.
"Hey, good work Gnarl." she proclaimed before returning her attention to me. Not all that hard to do, seeing as I was still being held against her by her arm around my shoulder... "Hey, my coustodian just told me that my Minions are done here, so how about we go back to my place hn? This burrow stinks to much like wet Dogs for my taste and we could have a nice snack there, rest our feet a bit... plus, I kinda feel like I should make it up to you somehow that I dragged you into my mess. Wadda ya say Wadey?"
I took a second to think on it. I had literally had nothing to lose at this point. She apparently could co-ordinate the nasty little buggers with her mind, so I had that to work against. And this dirt hole DID smell horrible. I was also hungry... hopefully this didn't turn out to be a 'Welcome to dinner, but you ARE the dinner!' scenario.
"Sounds...good to me?"
"Goody!" she cheered, making a few steps forward, only to turn around and add in a slightly sutltry tone "You won´t regret that handsome, I promise." with a wink for the extra effect. Dear god. Holy hell. Hamina hamina~
"Hey Gnarl?" she started again, speaking off to another wall, "Have Wiener prepare some of the nice foodstuff, I´m bringing a guest over. Nope. Just a cool guy I nearly killed by accident." I really hope she's talking to someone. That would make this REALLY bad if she were crackers.
After that, she took the lead and after a while, we thankfully exited the Diamond Dog den. There was a giant freaking dragon, just sitting next to a swirly thing, a visible scowl on her face. Snout?
"Umbra! Took you long enough! I was about to go without you. Your Imps are allready back home. Who´s that?" She asked, towering over me.
Big. Big Dragon. Spike was one thing, he was a BABY dragon. He was cute and cuddly. This...this was a monster. Sleek scales, ferocious teeth, and eyes that peered to your very SOUL. And claws that could shred me like paper. Spike could crush diamonds in his maw, I shudder to even THINK what this...lady? could do if she tried...
"I.I.I.I'm....Wade."
"Onyx, meet Wade. Wade, meet Onyx. He´s cool. Play nice." I added, seeing that Onyx was giving me the Evil Eye.
With a 'Hmpf, whatever.' the dragoness turned around and stepped onto the swirly thing, dissapearing in a small coloumn of light.
Patting my shoulder, she tried to reassure me, "Hey, I think she likes you," Wouldn't THAT be a fright. Hopefully she's just joking, "Now come on, I wanna show you my extremly epic Tower of dark Awesomeness. Just step onto the round stone. It´s like beaming." After that, she grapped my hand and more or less pulled me into the light with her.
I landed, once again, upside down and facefirst. We had come to a...throne room? There was a throne, at least...
She picked me up and checked over.Probably checking to make sure I didn't have a concussion or something. "Heh, sorry about the landing. Happens to me now and then to." I lied to make him feel better. White lies are no real lies, shut up! "Anyways, welcome to my Tower and my throne room Wadey. Its a bit underfurnished at the moment but I am working on that."
With a shuffling, a wrinkled little minion came into view.
"Ah Milady, there you are. And your guest too. Wiener had prepared a meal as per your orders, it is allready served at the dining room. Oh and Onyx said something about being in the treasure chamber if you need her. I just hope the scaly lug wont eat all of your Ladyships hard earned riches."
"Thanks Gnarl." She turned towards me, "C'mon, I'll show you the way."
After leading me through a few underfurnished corridors, passing a few hard working Minions wearing white overalls and yellow construction helmets we reached the dining room. Really, just a big room with a moderatly big table and chairs. On the table sat serveral plates with steaming dishes consisting of Almost anything you coulod imagine. Potatoes, chickenlegs, fresh bread and even a bottle unlabled wine. Holy shit.
She took her seat, and gestured for me to take a seat too. "Well, dig in buddy. It´s not a grand feast but fuck, its delish. Wiener sure knows how to cook." She smiled while helping herself with the first course.
I sat down, careful not to cause too much noise, and leaving myself a window to jump out of if need be.(Don't know if this is a room with a window, if not tell me and I'll re-word it) Figured out why I was so weak, why only a handful of measly little minions were able to leave me a wrigging ball of helplessness. I could FEEL three of my ribs snapped completely through, my flesh was keeping the flesh adjacent thick, and immobile. Who knows what other kinds of damage my body was currently trying to heal? Well, Dantes body. Thank goodness I had morphed, my own body would have been pounded into a literal paste, nothing but gooey bloody paste...
"MEAT." I mumbled, around a mouthful of saliva. I knew it would taste...DAMN IT. NO WONDER I COULD SMELL IT, BUT THE SMELL WASN'T WHAT SET MY TASTE BUDS OFF. This form of Dante had an extremely low sense of taste. I could put anything in my mouth, but It wouldn't do anything for me. It would just be a wad of crushy cardboard.
So I morphed back. She apparently bought my 'battle state' lie, so this shouldn't raise too many suspicions...
The smells from the table pervaded my nose and mouth, allowing me full satisfaction of their senses. MEAT. It wasn't easy to get ahold of, except in certain circumstances. Maybe there was a bigger market for it in this world, I wonder if I brought back a sack of it, if Twilight would help me cook it? Probably make me share with her friends, make a big dinner out of it and everything. Magic flowers that help you so you don't get malnutritioned were alright...but they didn't taste the same. They tasted like flowers. no duh.
"Ahem." Better not to make an utter fool of myself. I took a single chicken leg and potato. If I wanted more, I could get it after I finished...
"Wow dude, no offense but that was kinda gross."
I laughed at that. "Shifting kinda is. My dragon and disguise forms are even more of a spectacle. Flesh forming into scale and chiton, I actually made a little filly lose her lunch when she saw it." In truth, Sweetiebelle had only seen me morph into myself, her, and the wondertwins, but she addmitted she felt queasy just watching that. Half truth, I guess.
"Seeing as I haven't had actual meat in a while, would you mind if I started in on this?" I held up the chicken leg.
"Wohoho, wicked. By all means, dig in. That´s what I brought you here for after all. We still have wagon loads in the kitchen." she poured herself some of what looked like wine and took a swig. "No real meat in a while eh? Lemme guess, you crashed down in your Equestria, some ponies found you and as soon as they noticed your canines the went all 'Ahhh, predator, meat-eater, monster! Please don´t eat my foal, here, eat my neighbor instead!' on you, am I right?" I asked between two hearty bites, speaking the pony part in what sounded like an impression of one of the flower sellers. Couldn't be sure, though.
"While that's the case in most Equestrias I find," I took a bite of chicken, "In my Equestria, all the horses are omnivorous. Something about the higher content of protein found in meat being required for higher thought process. Its hard to get a hold of though, and expensive to boot. So some bright guy got it in his head that they should magically breed the flowers to give the same proteins, to help get rid of wide spread malnourishment. They do the job, but they taste like flowers." Again, flowers that taste like flowers, gee wiz, amiright?
"You can still get imitation meat, in fact that's whats sold in most purely carnivore delis. It's magically shifted to LOOK like a cut of meat, has the right texture and smell, but it just doesn't taste the same." I poured myself a glass of water, rinsing my mouth of the delicious meat juice so I could start anew. There's just certain things you never notice as how amazing they are until you're deprived of them for any given amount of time.
"Good for you. I swear, if the Ponies here even try to make a scene for what I am, I gonna flip some serious tables on them. I mean, seriously, it is cannon that they eat eggs and butter, drink milk, eat baked goods, all the stuff a true vegetarian/herbivore would never dream about eating." Disposing of her blank chicken bone in best viking impression by throwing it over her shoulder, she grabbed another. "That fake-meat sounds a lot like tofu to me though. Clever little horsies."
We spend the next better part of half an hour with stuffing our faces and talking about random stuff.
"That hit the spot, alright." With a content sigh, she leaned back in her chair. "Hope ya liked the good, oldfashioned human eatin' Wade?"
"I much appreciate it. Honestly, I'd rather tofu, to the synthetic crap. But you don't want me just hanging around, eating your food, do you?" If I could figure out what she was really after, maybe I could swing this to my advantage. Maybe trick her into letting me acquire her dragon or one of the minions. Thin, wiry little guys, they could possibly be useful.
In a display that would have made Rarity proud, she adapted a mock expression of dismay. She even put a hand over her heart for effect. "Why Wadey, you wound me so. Can´t a lovely lady like me not simply enjoy the presence of a handsome rouge like you, without having ulterior motivations?"
God that was adorable. Even with the pure black skin, I felt a pang in my chest. Now THIS was a woman.
Abandoning her charade, she leaned forward, speaking in what I had to assume was her best 'let´s talk business' tone. "Okay then, lets talk serious. It´s obvious that you don´t really trust me, not that I would hold that against you. A bit of distrust is quite a healthy thing. But I am not your enemy Wade and I do not intend to become one. I would rather prefer to be an Ally, we are both Displaced after all, aren't we? I am still quite intrigued about your cosmic cube thing that called you here. Is it possible for me to make such a thing for myself? Such a, lets call it token, shall we? Of course I don´t expect you to part with any Information without receiving some form of compensation. I am more then willing to reimburse you in every possible fashion for your help."
"I didn't make my token, Auric did. I keep meeting Displaced that seem to be able to make their token on their own though, so my best bet would be, pick up something you want to be your token, and try to make it into one. If you give it to me, I'll hand it off to Auric the next time I see him, and he'll 'spread it across the void'. Or whatever it was that he said he did."
She took one of the small, ornamental pieces of metal off of her capes hem and gently ripped it of. After a quick search she found a passably long string of leather in her pouch thing and laced it through the small hole in the blank talisman. She stood there for a few seconds, sparks dancing around her.
"To you, who hold this trinket. No matter if you wish to conquer or to protect. No matter if you wish to destroy or to create. I do not care if your Intents are black, white or any shade of gray, call my name and I will come. But be prepared for the judge of our actions will be Time alone.
I am Umbra, the Overlady.
The Mistress of Minions.
And this is my token."
It was now a small, drop shaped talisman with the outlines of her helmet etched into the surface. Carefully she handed her new trinket to me.
After taking a deep breath to calm herself down, she stated "Well, that was something. Now my friend, let us discuss your payment."
"Well then, that was some extremely expensive information I just gave you," I gave a slight smile, "Considering overhead and the personal worth of that information to my self, I think...Well, I think that's going to require a payment of a certain token. And not any token. This token is one of the most expensive I can think of at the moment, It calls an individual of such power and beauty that the world shake when they simply reply..." Yeah, I was doing the FMA 'room and board' rant. Sue me. "Oh wait, you already gave it to me. Well I guess that's settled, wouldn't you say so?"
She blushed again, before responding,"Why, you certainly know how to handle a lady, you charmer." she underlined the statement with a refined chuckle. "But I insist, there must be something else that could be interessting for you."
"Well..." I trailed off, looking away, "My current Dragon form is rather...lacking. If you know whom I'm talking about, then it's basically just a carbon copy of Spike. Baby version. It has good jaw strength, fire resistance...But it doesn't hold a candle to your friend." I turned back to Umbra, cocking the most confident of smiles that I could. If I actually managed to pull this off, that would be amazing. "If I could simply get a tiny bit of her aura, that would improve my dragon form all that much. If she was willing, of course."
"Hm, we can ask her but I can´t promise anything. She can be quite cranky, especially if she gets the impression that you want to steal her soul or the likes. She nearly incerniated me once because I made a joke." She said thoughtfully, slowly making her way to the door. "So, wanna risk it handsome?"
Well. Theres a reason they call it risk and reward. "Wouldn't hurt to ask her, would it? It isn't really like stealing a part of a soul." Okay, lets see if I could spin the acquiring process as something else..."Everything one does leaves energy behind. Almost like imprinting a memory on a rock simply because you walked by it. I can absorb this excess energy by simply touching something. There is a chance of the energy overwriting the energy I previously had..." That would explain if I acquired a morph, and then was asked to display it. Hopefully.
"Wow, that sounded pretty deep. I think that could work. Come one, Onyx should still be at the treasure chamber."
After that, she lead me up the flight of stairs towards the Towers top. As expected, Onyx was indeed occupying the treasure chamber. The black Dragoness was napping on a small pile of gold coins and gems not included.
"Hey Onyx, wakey wakey!" She shouted, rousing her from her slumber.
"Hnngwhosdead?" She chucked a fist sized sapphire her direction but it landed harmlessly in front of me and Umbra. "Not cool sis! I just had the most sick dream ever." Onyx half snarrled, still visible drowsy.
"Yes yes, I´m a bitch, I get it. Just one quick question and you can go back to Sleepyland."
"If you let me sleep then, ask along."
So she did her best to explain my...plan to Onyx as far as she had understood it. Halfway through, Onyx looked like she was about to toast us but nevertheless heard her out. After she finished, the Dragoness rose from her bedding and walked over to us, starring down at me with a slightly open maw and small specks of fire escaping between her teeth.
"Okay, so you twerp want to absorb some of my aural energy in order to make yourself stronger?" Onyx growled dangerously low "And that won´t damage my soul? At all? Because, if I ever find out it did, I gonna hunt you down and feed you your own bowels!"
"I shudder to think about how that might actually work. And you scare me enough to think you'd be able to follow through on such a promise." To my credit, I managed to hold onto bladder, as much as my shaking nerves wanted to let it loose. "All I need to do is touch you, and I suck off a bit of excess energy. Something that you've already used, which is outside of you, yet clings to you before dissipating you simply because it was once a part of you." This was complete and utter bullshit. I didn't really understand how the morphing worked, because it WAS SUPPOSED to be completely technology, but my certain flavor just happened to work off of magic. Somehow. I held out a hand, and tried to give the terrifying dragon lady a comforting smile. "Would it make you feel better if your friend stood by with her club ready to bash my head in, should I attempt anything untoward?"
Onyx puffed out her chest in what looked like pride. For some reason. I can only assume she had something up one of her scaly sleeves.
"Hmm, alright, do your thing. But remember, no funny business or you're done before you can regrett it." Onyx replied in a eerily casual tone As she took my hand.
OW OW OW OW OW OW OW.
She had a grip like a freaking vise. Suppressing a wince of pain-the last thing I wanted to do while this ferocious dragon was HOLDING MY HAND was show weakness. After this though, I was going to be wringing it out with great big squeals of pain- I looked her straight in the eyes. She returned the look with a scathing grin.
She wasn't affected by the trance. God damnit. Her grin just got wider, as she squeezed my hand all that much tighter.
So I decided stupidly that I'd try to give her a scare. As I stated before, I'm an antagonistic jerk.
I started the morph, skin and clothing melting and hardening into blackened scales. I honestly don't think she noticed, so intently she was maniacally glaring into my own eyes. One would think she'd have noticed them changing colors...
Finally, it was finished, and I gave a sharp laugh in her own voice. "Congratulations. Your energy was strong enough that it completely deleted my previous Dragon State. That isn't easy to do."
Instead of being surprised, she circled around her clone, giving me a once-over and faster than the eye could follow, slapped me on the ass with a resounding SLAP. What was with so many people in the various alternate Equestria's doing or trying to do perverted things to me? Regardless. she didn't slap me hard enough to hurt through her scales, so whatever.
"Well, at least now you aren´t such a twig anymore." Onyx approved "Damn, I got some hot piece of ass, hn Umbra?"
That seemed to startle Umbra out of any coherent thought. "Hrgljftsxtz?"
"Well then, if we are done here, I gonna get back to catching me some Z´s. See ya round twerp." And with that, Onyx plopped down on her treasure bed again and shortly after started snoring.
"Conks out awful fast, doesnt she?" I remarked.
"Hn, yes she does. Does not mean she´s a heavy sleeper though." She mused, "Soo, anything else you might could use?" She turned to me, "Oh and how long do these calls keep one summoned? Is there a timer or something?"
"No specific timer that I can think of. One journey lasted three whole days, and another was less than a minute. Its random, and as far as I can figure, you won't get a warning when it happens. One second I'm there, the next I'm not. Bet I'd be an awesome hide and seeker. Well, more hide than seek, anyway." I trailed off, trying to think of something else I could wheedle out of her. " Come to think of it, do you happen to have any...wads of magic or otherwise unstable magical items you'd like me to get off your hands? My Sword state might be able to absorb them, and create more weapons..." I was just guessing, of course. But seeing as Crystals form had just up and sucked up her magical weapon like a fat kid at a milkshake factory, I might be able to do that to other things as well...
"Well, no, I don´t have any magical special refuse but thanks for the offer. Hey, say, wanna see smoething really cool while your still around?"
"Something cool? I swear if you drag me off to look at a cold themed item, I will glare at you disapprovingly, regardless of how cute you are." I said with a slight grin. Flattery didn't hurt, and it would help me get away with as much as I could...like this gemstone dragon-lady had thrown...I never really noticed how the light glistened off of them...or how...tas...ty...they looked? Oh great. Her Over-ladyness was giving me an odd look, so I tossed her the gem.
"Guess I got her appetite as well. Can't imagine what crushed minerals would do to the inside of my stomach once I turned back..." I ended on a short laugh.
"Well, should I have invited you to show you something wet then?" She replied with a ever so slight smile and a waggle of her brow before catching the saphire Onyx had used as an improvised projectile. Chuckling, she pocketed the gem. "Heh, you should see her pop bits like they were peanuts. Would be propably really hard to stomach hn? Anyways, lets go."
And down we went, down all the winding staircases right into dark dank pits underneath the Tower. She led me to our intended destination.
A crappy looking hut and big...really big underground river.
Sitting in front of his small hut, an old blue minion was busy surveying as two Reds roast some rats on a scythe. Noticing Umbra(they barely gave me the time of the day), the robe clad Minion croaked in his eeriely resonating voice "Ahh, Milady. Do you see dead Minions?"
"Well, thats why I am here. And to introduce you to a new friend." She gestured to me, "Norbert, this is Wade, he´s somewhat of a shapeshifter. Wade, this is Norbert. Norbert here is propably the oldest Blue you will ever find and he is also responsible for raising my Minions. But that is not the best part, hold onto your proverbial seat, he can raise the dead!" she turned to Norbert "Hey, we had a little skirmish and lost a few Minions earlier today. Could you please reanimate one?"
Slowly, the Minion Dead rose and waddled over to the wild stream of the Soul River. "As you wish." Norbert croaked as his eyes glowed briefly and with a flick of his wrist, a brown Minion with a dented Diamond Dog helmet on his head and a pickaxe in his hand rose from the river.
Another flick of Norberts wrist send the Brown onto the caverns floor and after the realisation that he was alive again had finally settled in, the Minion gave his necromatic overseer a resounding smooch on the cheek before scampering away.
With a smug smile, Umbra turned back to me "Pretty rad hn?"
"Having trouble not thinking of the river Styx with this show..." It was rather mesmerizing to watch. "But yes. That was pretty damn bad ass."
"I now right? The Blue Minions are by far my favourites. Allthough they are weak in combat, they can heal/resurrect fallen Minions, are the only ones able to swim, are practically immune to all but the most powerfull forms of magic AND they can turn themselves invisible for a short ammount of time." she gave a wistfull sigh "I hope I find their hive soon."
"Speaking of...aren't the blue guys aquatic? I could be wrong, while I may know of them," I returned a glare one of the little dirtbags gave me, "I'm not fully versed on their capabilities or otherwise. Besides 'drag over loot with mouse, watch them upgrade themselves' If you know what I'm saying." I finished with a wink.
"Hmm, given the fact that they do not drown in amusing ways and from everything Gnarl told me, yupp, they are. Or at least amphibious. And of course I do not have the slightest clue whatever you are talking about."
"Of course not, just ignore my rambling," Oh, she KNEW what I was talking about. That just meant that she was keeping it from the little guys. who knows what they'd do en-mass if they learned she was just a vanilla human originally...better keep my lid on that. "You wouldn't mind if I tried to...create a water form from one of them, would you?"
"Why, of course not. I said I would reimburse you, didn´t I? Unfortunatly the only Blue that is available at the moment is Norbert here, so I am affraid he had to do. You would not mind to let Wade here aquire some of your aura?"
Proping himself on his scythe, Norberts gaze shifted from Umbra to myself before a nearly unnoticable smile flited over the old Minions lips and he nodded, beckoning me to do my thing.
I slowly morphed back, careful to keep my eyes locked on 'Norberts' as I shifted, and I was actually able to keep my eyes open for almost the entire time due to what is apparently a second eyelid of some sort that dragon lady had. Maybe dragons in general have it? Regardless. I held out a hand to the crotchety little guy.
"Put er there, ol buddy ol friend ol paaaaaaaaaaaaal~"
The very moment my hand touched his, Umbra did something that created an explosion behind me. The cavern multiplied the sharp crack freaking thunderstrike of scariness.
"NYAFLGAHF." I stated intelligently, , jerking my hand away and doing some sort of three sixty pirouette while squawking like a lunatic.
Falling on my ass, I managed to get a glance from Umbra before she broke down, laughing hysterically. To his credit, 'Norbert' kept himself composed, with only a delightful eyebrow arched over his eye to indicate his mirth.
"Oh wow, pfeeww... my everything hurts like hell but that was so worth it. Hey, no hard feeling hn?"
"Hard feelings, in my tailbone." I pried myself off the floor, rubbing my aching butt. "Honestly, I'm glad you only did that. There was much worse you could have done. Can I try to get a water form now? Or would you like to throw me off a cliff to see if my flight form is up to the task of flying back up?"
"Sorry, sorry *snrk*, got that out of my system now. Please proceed."
I held my hand back out to 'Norbert' and he looked at it with disdain.
"Come on Norbi, don´t be like that. We had our share of fun, now be the bigger man and shake." With a small huff from his nose, the wrinkly blue bastard finally did as she asked him to.
I grabbed his hand in my own, and almost immediately he went into a trance state. Head lolling and drool pooling from his lips, I tried to salvage this situation.
"Right. She already saw me do this with the big dragon lady, You aren't fooling her, just so you know... Fine, since you want to continue with your theatrics... MWA ha ha. Ha, ha ha. I am...stealing your soul, yeah. Mwa ha ha. Seriously, you can stop that at any time." I trailed off as the acquiring process ended, and he shook his head of his daze.
She gave a slow clap, "Wow Wade. That sounded allmost a tad evil there." she said as she walked over to me, leaning in to breath in my ear "I like bad boys."
NYAAAAGH oh god. I may have been laying on a bit thick, but what if she actually...So what? It's not like such advances were unwelcmome...had never really gotten any luck back in the real world. "Oh do you now? Sadly," I looked around the room in a dramatic fashion. "I don't seem to see any around here. Too bad, guess you'll simply have to put up with me..." God, she was absolutely adorable when she screwed up the corner of her mouth in a grin...
"So...Do you wanna do something? You've show me around your home, and a cosy little place it is." I cringed as a little red minion darted past me, carrying what looked like...Okay, I don't want to think about that looked like. "Or do you just want to keep me around to compliment you on your radiant appearance?" I said with a smile, "I'd be more than willing to, just so you know."
Her cheeks grew darker than her black skin once again(Its hard to notice, but its like it's sucking the light out of the area) so I knew I hit her 'blush button" again. "Besides that, have any board games? Anything to pass the time until you have something for me to do?"
"Well, such a shame. But you are a pretty good prize too. Careful what you offer, though. I might end up chaining you to a wall in my fungeon."She paused, stopping to think up an answer to my primary question, "That would be a pleasure. Minions are fine and dandy but they cannot compare to a being with real sapiens. And yes, crazy as it sounds, I really have a game of chess around. Care for a game?"
Fungeon? Fun dungeon. I might be more worried if she didn't just rip off Wreck it Ralph. Next thing I know, she'll be asking if I'd hit someone with glasses...I would of course be required to respond by thwacking them over the head WITH their glasses, but I digress. A game of chess with someone different than the pint sized terror? Sign me up. I hadn't won a single game against her yet, and an opponent with a different gait and world view would be for the best. Twilight had offered several times, but whenever she had I had been hurting from my previous defeat. Not condusive towards a good game.
"Chess? As long as you don't call the pieces by the silly names the ponies have for them, I'm game." I gave a slight smile. "I've been honing my skills against the little filly I mentioned earlier. She's a real killer. Cheeky little kid. Keeps on manuevering me into pincers. Real poker face on her too..." I trailed off. "Well, we aren't going to get this game going just standing here, are we?" I asked, a cheshire grin stamped on my face.
"Silly names? Lemme guess, they propably call the Rooks Guards and the Queen Princess? And don´t worry, I won´t demolish you. Too much." she supplied as she led me to a...sort of living room. She brought me over and sat me down alongside a table with a...minion centric chess set set out on it. "Guest has the first move."
I fingered the pieces, each one a magnificently carved chunk of stone. "They call the bishops 'scribes', and the knights 'guards'. Even more stupidly," I picked up my first pawn, two spaces from the left and moved him two spaces forward. "The queens are called 'royal knights', and the kings are predictably 'princesses'. Guess we cant fault them for taking the game and changing the names to better fit their own view of the world."
"Seriously? Ah well, each his slash her own cup of tea right?" She remarked.
She tried to two move checkmate me. Good, so she at the very least knew her way around the board. I retaliated with an open threat to her front line with my bishop, and she backed off to see what I would do. Freeing up my right castle by getting my rightmost pawn killed off, and I took one of her bishops. the first head kill in the game.
"Giving the first real kill? How generous of you. I might take offense though, if you give me any more pieces. No one wants a reward to be given to them, truth is," I licked my lips as I looked her in the eyes. "They like the chase. They like to earn the reward, so that it will taste...that...much...sweeter~." I crooned, watching as she misplaced a pawn. A bit cheap, I will admit. But now I got a free piece off of her.
She suddenly looked me deep in the eye, leaned forward, and retorted in a seductive growl, "Chains. Fungeon."
And like that my concentration was shattered. With a startled grunt I misplaced the bishop by a whole two squares, placing it right next to a pawn for an easy kill. With the amount of heat my face was giving off, I might have been giving her a sunburn, but she still managed to ignore my condition well enough to take both of my bishops, and three more of my pawns over the next few turns.
Finally, I was able to say full word sentences without my voice cracking like a prepubescent teen. "Wreck it Ralph references? Heh..." Alright, so almost comprehensive sentences. Gimmie a break.
Her brow arched a bit in confusion. "Ehrm, nooo? Like in BD..." she trailed off, her mind focusing on something else.
I had to do something...she had me on the run, with only two pawns, a single castle, both my knights, my queen and my king left. If I didn't rattle her now, I had as much chance of winning this game as her actually wanting to have sex with me. So...nill. But what the hell could I do to make her lose concentration? She handled the flirting like it was second nature, and just threw it back in my face with the force of a tiger slamming me over the head. Definitely a strong, vivacious lady.
Wait...she knew about My Little Pony, the tv show...so it stood to reason she was probably like my sister. Obsessed with cute things. Prone to squeal at the drop of a...who was I kidding, this was a lady who was sitting in a tower that may as well have been made out of skulls, this wasn't going to work...but I had nothing else to lose. She was too close to me in terms of skill, if not above me. The endgame was already decided, if I didn't do something drastic.
"You're not going to beat me, are you miss overlady?" I drawled, adding in a healthy dose of childish whine before I started morphing.
Multihued curls struck up from my head as my body shrunk, twisting inward on itself. My vocal cords melted until my voice was a perfect match for my Equestria's butt kicking chess champion of a youngin'. "That would make me ever so sad, it would indeed..." At the end of the morph, I opened my eyes as wide as they could go, and fixed Umbra with what I HOPED was a 'puppy dog' look.
Her face grew blank, her eyes mere pinpricks as she tried to formulate a response.
"C-cute." She muttered as she placed her queen right next to one of my remaining pawns. Allright! it worked! Now I just had to...dagnabbit.
I could barely see over the lip of the table, let alone the entire board. How the heck was I supposed to move the pieces now? I didn't want to just morph back, I only had-wow I only had 13 'magic' left, according to the watch...So I couldn't just waste this. I could...of course! Sweetiebelles a unicorn! Why didn't I think of that earlier?
I raised myself up so I was standing on the seat I had previously been sitting in, my two front legs propping me up on the edge of the table so I could actually see the board. Okay, so I just had to...I forced a tendril of magic to my horn, wincing with the effort it took. I enveloped the pawn in an aura of emerald tinged energy, and simply slid the pawn diagonally up to the right, bumping into her queen.
With a wide smile of triumph at Umbra due to my success (seriously, magic is hard, I was almost panting from that simple move...) I tried my best impression of the adorable, cheeky little hellion.
"I got'cher queen, now king me!" I chirped, trying to mimic her head movements(eyes closed in a smile, head slightly titled to the left, mouth closed at the end in a slight, not mocking way...It was adorable when she did it to me...)as best I could.
I suddenly got a feeling in my stomach like a hook, and felt myself slipping backwards.
With a loud thump, I landed in a heap on the bedroom floor, at least the sheets provided me some small comfort from the unforgiving hard floor.
I roused myself to a sitting position, silently seething for a few seconds.
"OH COME ON!" I roared, my displeasure evident in my...well, psuedo my voice. "I almost won, I had her on the ropes and and NOW you bring me back?" I asked the vacant rafters(Ferdinando must have gone out, or perhaps was in a different section of the castle...), but no 'gods of the multiverse'(if there really were any) felt the need to respond.
It was then that I got an idea in my head. Why couldn't I just invite her over here? I had her token, and I REALLY wanted to win a game of chess...among other certain scenerios that might happen with certain attractive females...MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER, WADE.
I started to morph back, so I could actually get to the freaking token in my pants pocket. I fished it out with a forefinger and thumb, and called out as grandly as I could.
"Umbra, the Overlady! I call upon thee, to right what has been wronged! We must finish our fight, of that we must be certain! Come, Overlady! Come and face your DOOOOOOOOM!"
Okay, so it was a tad over the top. But hey, I was locked in my own bedroom, away from prying eyes and ears to condemn me-
"Wade? Whats going on? Whats with all the shouting?" Twilight called through my door as she opened it.
Locked. Yeah right. Against a unicorn, a lock is as good as a post it note saying 'Please take off your shoes.'
With a flash of light, the multiverse deposited a certain overlady on top of me.
"Wade?" She asked.
Twilight stood in the open doorway, looking at the two of us sprawled on the floor. Umbra practically straddling me from how she had been deposited in this world, I knew this wasn't exactly a 'work friendly' position Twilight had the pleasure of seeing my new friend for the first time in.
She let her opinion on the situation be known, as she hoisted the both of us up in the air, separating us, and dragged us both through the halls to a wide, 'living room'-ish room. She set us both down on opposite sides of a couch, and levitated a chair opposite the couch, before sitting in it.
"Seeing as you're currently living in my house, I feel I need to lay down a few ground rules," She started, a pad and quill hovering beside her. "First and foremost. My home is not a place you can bring your otherworldly friends for some 'wedlock loving', If you insist on doing stuff like that then do it at their houses. In a word?" She wrote three words on the first line of her pad, then turned it to face us. "No Hanky Panky."
God damnit. If I could hide my face any deeper in my hand, they could install a door in the elbow and open it to see my forehead. On the contrary, Umbra looked like she almost couldn't hold back her whooping gales of laughter.
"Wow, you thought were where about to Roll around under the sheets? Seriously? Well, I have you now that I neither putt out nor let anyone into my panties before the third date. Plus, IF, big if mind you, Wadey-kins here where to make a homerun on me, there would be a lot more things involved. Chains, cuffs, a ball-gag, a blindfold, a nice and tight corsage, some nice thigh high boots, candles, a riding crop..."
Oh god this couldn't get any worse. Twilight had a look on her face like someone had just slapped her with a fish, and I was trying my damndest to compose myself. And failing. Oh, and she just went on and on about the kinky stuff she was planning on, and I swear I heard steam hissing off of Twilights face.
"Stop stop stop stop!" I pleaded, waving my hands in front of me. "I actually want her to like you, not think you're some kind of sex fiend..." I let out a low sigh, before continuing. "Twilight, she just came by to finish a game of chess, NOTHING NSFW was happening, I SWEAR." I stated, spelling out the 'nsfw' in their proper letters.
Twilight took a moment to compose herself, okay she took an entire minute of hyperventilating to compose herself, but eventually she was back to her normal(I use that term loosely) analytical self. Which in meaning she started asking questions.
"So then, are you from another Equestria? What is it like? Is there another me there? What are you, your skeletal structure looks similar to Wades, but your skin and other..." she was checking out Umbra's chest. Goddamnit, "areas appear different. Are you a female? Are you the standard template of what a human female looks like? Are you dating Wade? To be honest for a while there I thought he was a colt-cuddler, but I guess that clears that up... Are you a warrior? Whats your armor made out of? I sense a strange magical index from you, would you mind if I gave you some tests?"
Finally Umbra saw fit to inturrupt her. Thank god. She took a deep breath, and made her greatest effort to combat her on lung capacity.
"Yes I am. I am affraid I can´t really say that. Until now I was stuck in the Badlands, giving my best not to be eaten by Dragons and avoiding being cut to gibblets by a mad Unicorn Scientist named Crystal Flask to achieve some obscure 'Unicorn Supremacy like in the time of the three Tribes' Bullshit and liberating a stolen Minion Hive from a pack of Diamond Dogs. Is there another ou? Given the Multiverse tendencie to fuck me over, propably. I had not the pleasure to meet her yet. If it is a her. Maybe my Equestria is a Verse with swapped genders and your counterpart is a guy? For what I am? I am... complicated. Yes, I am similar to Wade in many aspects and yes, I am indeed a female. Women would be the term you are looking for. The things you seem to find so interessting at my chest are my breasts. Hmm, change my skins color to one similar to Wades and replace my eyes for some like Wades, make me one or two heads smaller and then you have pretty much the standard human female. No, I am not dating Wade. Not yet at least. For now, I just enjoy antagonizing and embarassing him."
She did a long gasp. Surprised that she was able to force that many word regardless. Kudos to her.
"Yes, I´m pretty much a warrior but also a practitioner of, until now, combat based magic. Hmm, what does that make me effectivley? A Witch-Warrior? No, to much armor. Dark Paladin? Hell no! Deathknight? Nope, my heart is still beating. Anywho, my armor. Its mainly made of the best steel you can get on the market, infused with the souls of one hundret Brown Minions and fifty each from the Reds, Greens and Blues. You want to do some tests? Feel free but I cannot guarantee that you will like what you eventually find. Oh, my name is Umbra by the way."
Twilights eyes had actually gone blank near the start of her rant, and I could almost HEAR the gears turning in her head. Finally, she responded.
"But...I've met Crystal Flask, he's a nice guy..." Twilight slightly halted at a sudden glare of fury that filtered across Umbras face, but continued just the same, "He's the head of the CCR, theres no way he could be a supremecist or anything like that!"
(What time frame is your universe in? if yours is before mine, I could add in a whole subplot about CF becoming famous based off of his 'dragon biology' research, before becoing a public relations leasone<so not spelling that right>. He only performed disections on dragons he FOUND, of course...They were already dead, of course, its not like he had ANYTHING to do with that...you know?)
"Seriously Twilight? She says all of THAT and the only thing you take away from it is THAT? Who cares what her world version this guy is, obviously its different."
"Nice Guy? NICE GUY??" Umbra roared, jumping straight up "And he is still alive? Where is that fucker? What´s this CCR?" She did what I assume was hyperventilating for a few seconds, before slumping down on the couch again. "Y´know what, I don´t care! He´s your universe´problem, I allready took care of mine."
Her eyes had FIRE spilling from them. WHAT THE HELL. not just the flickering she had before, actual freaking FLAMES pouring out and heading skyward. Made it look like she had horns... slowly, the flames died down, and Twilight was able to pry herself from her hiding spot from under her upturned chair.
"He's not a problem! Whats the matter with you?!!?" Twilight yelled at her, levitating her chair to an upright position. "Professor Flask is the leading herpetologist in Equestria! His findings have advanced medical study by decades, and after all that, he's dedicated his time to bettering pony-changeling relations! Why, I ask you, would somepony like that POSSIBLY be some sort of wackjob 'tribalist'? Obviously you got the name wrong in your world, cause theres no way somepony like Professor Flask would ever be like that. You're wrong!"
Twilight stalked off, mumbling to herself, before settling once more into her chair.
"Hn, you know Twi, let me tell you one thing: the brighter the Light, the darker the Shadows it produces. Maybe your Crystal Flask is a nice guy, maybe he is just a brilliant actor. He wears small, round glasses, his mane and tail are of a light grey color, his coat is somewhat ochre-ish and his eyes jade green. He has a assistant, a Unicorn mare by the name of Dawn. She has a cream colored coat, her mane and tail are chestnut brown, she dons her mane in a braid and has beautifull auqa blue eyes. Just telling you this in chase the good Prof suddenly starts hiring Griffin mercs and the mysterious deaths of dragons and other exotic beings starting to amass, so you can´t say I did not warn you."
With a deflating sigh, she gave a weak smile. "It´s just hard to sympatize with someone who tried to gut me and my best friend like fish. Can we... change the topic? Please?"
Twilight had a look of concentration on her face, like she was trying to remember something. "Are you sure her name was Dawn? It wasn't ANYPONY else? It couldn't possibly be some OTHER unicorn mare with a cream colored coat, brown mane and tail, and aqua blue eyes?"
Well that was...something. Umbra was trying back away from Twilight as much as she could, halfway over the back of the couch as Twilight had her front hooves on Umbras shoulders, her wings beating a staccato beat to help her stay upright. If her face was any closer, I'd swear she had romantic intentions...
"TELL ME."
"Yes. Her name was Dawn, as sure as Celestia raises the sun and Luna the moon. No mistake possible." Umbra rasped.
"I'm...I'm sure thats just coincidence... Yeah! It has to be...or you simply met an earlier version... a DIFFERENT earlier version! YEAH!" Okay, this was getting ridiculous.
"Twilight?" I asked, causing her to whip her head threateningly towards me.
"WHAT!??!"
"Do you really have to do this from a position that makes it look like you're trying to rape her?"
After a bout of sputtering, she lowered herself to the floor once more.
"So who the heck is Dawn, and why are you having a panic attack?" A good enough question in my opinion, but it had an unintended effect. It tore Twilights attention from her, to ME.
"Dawn Delight was Proffessor Flask's research assistant, back before he came across his first dragon corpse and truly started his research into their biology. Some account say she left with him on that expedition, but she didn't return with him...From his own reports they had a falling out before his expedition, and that was the last he ever saw of her..."
"So? whats that have to do with anything? So they had a spat, and never talked to each other after that-"
"You're missing the point, NOPONY ever saw her again, she left a note saying she was tired with life, and was just going to walk into the Everfree forest to end it!"
Ah, kill-you-dead forest. Seeing as I had been there barely five minutes before it tried to off me, I guess that was a pretty good place to go if you were feeling suicidal...not that I condone it.
"And after? When they showed the note to her mother?" She leaned in close, her voice dropping to a whisper, "It turns out it wasn't her hoofwriting."
"So they had a spat about working ethics, Chrystal Flask had his goons off his assistant or he even offed her himself to keep his terrible, little secret a secret, burried her body in an unmarked grave somewhere and then he a faked a suicide note. You know, now I am really glad that I killed that bastard. That means at least in my Universe, I have done one good deed and saved a live." Umbra replied in a flat, nearly monotone voice.
Twilight gave her a disgusted, horrified look. "No. I refuse to believe that of him. He may be a bit of a loud mouth, but he is not a murderer. I don't wanna talk about this anymore, have fun with your sadistic..woman of a girlfriend, I'm going to go organize my files." She turned and walked off down the hall with a huff, dissapearing from sight.
I took a couple seconds looking between her retreating form and the still seething Umbra, before stating, "So then! How bout that chess game?"
She looked at me for a few seconds, "Wow, you really are anti-confrontational guy, arent you?"
"I'd rather stay out of the way of confrontation, yes. Theres not much I can do about...that whole mess right now, so why stress about it? So whadaya say about that game?" I gave her a hopeful smile.
"Yeah, why not?" she agreed with a sigh "But I may be not at my best though because at the moment I feel like a prisoner on the death-row waiting for the fire squad. Heh, wanna bet how long it will take until Celestia will shows up to A) banish me to Tartarus, B) turn me into stone or C) jumps straight to reduce me to a smoldering pile of ash because Twi send her a nice letter about me?"
Well that was a lovely little picture she painted. A little bit of a loophole though, "If she sent you to...wherever tartarus is, you'd just poof over to your world eventually. She couldn't stop that. Or at least I don't think she could. Second, arent the elements of friendship or whatever needed to enact the 'stoning' ritual? As far as Twilight's told me, they're gone, used to make this castle or whatever. She and her friends can still become imbued with the magic or whatever, but they all have to gather in the castle first. In that one room with all the REALLY uncomfortable looking thrones. So if it comes to that, all you gotta do is bar the front door," I joked. There were tons of windows, Fluttershy and RD would still be able to make their way in, but Rarity and Applejack would be stuck outside. Yeah, Pinkie Pie would already be inside, SOMEHOW. No use preparing against her. "And if Celestia comes a knocking, you can always just be REALLY friendly and on your best behavior? No sense in antagonizing someone face to face, is there?" I asked hopefully.
"Stoning eh? Think we could maybe talk Sunbutt into sharing her blunt with us if she eventualy shows up? Been a while since I had a good one." A small chuckle stole itself from my lips, followed by a shudder at the thought of the pink Demon herself. "Yeah, better not antagonize the Being that has a freakin´ Star as a power source... Hmm, I wonder wo would win a match between Last Order Alita versus Celestia?"
She stood up and managed a smile. "All~lrighty-then, now where´s that chessboard? We still have a match to finish!"
Chessboard! It was...uhh....to be truthful, I didn't know if Twilight even HAD a chessboard. I walked to the doorway, and yelled down the hall, "HEY TWILIGHT! YOU GOT A CHESS SET??!!?" I waited for a response, but I didn't get one. Seems she was already out of earshot.
"I...uh...guess we'll have to see if we can find one on our own?" I half joked, flashing Umbra a smile.
It was about an hour of walking through hallways and checking random rooms that we called it quits. Most of the rooms were empty, but some of them had been downright...weird. An entire room filled to the brim with erotic paintings of sunbutt. Another room with nothing but...claw shavings, I think. And yet another that had bowls upon bowls of various pasta, all of them kept at a brisk temperature of 45, if the thing on the doorway was anything to go by.
"Okay." I muttered, sliding into a sitting position with my back to a wall, "I don't think we're going to find a set here. Twilight might actually have one, but seeing as we can't find her, I don't think we're going to find it anytime soon." I looked out a window, and actually had somewhat of a good idea. " I could just go and get Sweetiebelles set, I'm sure they wouldn't mind if we borrowed it..."
"Sounds like a solid idea. Now shoo, of with you. I guess I just wait here. Don´t want to risk a panic eh?"
"Unless you have some sort of transformation power I don't know about, or can become a living shadow or have super snake skills, That might be for the best." I nodded.
"Hmm, no to all three and I highly doubt that a cardboard box scittering around would fool even the Ponies." she admitted with a smile.
"Kay, will do. Surley Sparklebutt has some nice books that I can read. Been a while since I read something good. Toodles."
It was a rather uneventful trot to the Boutique. I knocked on the door of the Carousel Boutique, before I remembered it was actually a store and not just someones house. Pushing my way inside, the stupid little belle attached to the doorframe let Rarity know she had visiters.
"Just a moment dear!" came a muted reply from somewhere in the back of the shop.
"Take your time, its just Wade." I called back. I was currently in my Flutterbat form, having decided that even if I didn't know how to fly, being able to take off in a hurry would be wonderful if I got mobbed by another 'you have our condolences on your horrible circumstance Wade' group like last time. Seriously, the vultures had bunt cakes and everything. I would have rathered if they'd just stayed away from me.
"Wade!" came the high pitched voice of one of the most terrifying strategists I had come to know. "Are you here to play me chess?"
Looking down at the personified ball of cuteness that is Sweetiebelle, I couldn't help but supress a momentary heart attack. I wonder if she practices this, or is just that blindly cute? It has to be rehearsed, no one could come across like this unknowingly...
"Actually, a friend of mine is in town, and we were looking forward to settling a game of our own. If Twilight has a set, we can't find it..." I trailed off, her exuberance evaporating into dissapointment.
"And you were wondering if you could borrow Rarity's. Its right over there," She pointed to a wall, where said chess board had already been set up, all pieces in their places.
So she had been waiting for me to show up, even going to the extent of setting up for our game. Great. I hadn't promised anything, but I still felt like I was letting her down, somehow. How long had she been waiting, anyway? It was already after noon...
"You...wanna come with? Maybe challenge the winner? Gotta warn you, I'm pretty close to victory, and I'm getting good enough that you probably wont stand a chance..."
Her face wrinkled in constrained laughter, "Right, like how you randomly waste your moves? If you really think you can beat me, then its your problem..." Despite her gentle teasing, she hurriedly gathered up the board and pieces into a saddle bag.
I took one step outside, and Ferdinando came out of nowhere, latching onto a swathe of Flutterbats long hair. Kinda painful, but somehow not all that intrusive. Almost like my hair just got heavier for no friggin reason, but still noticible.
"Ferdy!" Came from Sweetiebelle. "Did you come to wish me a swift victory on the plains of battle?" she chirped. I swear, if anyone ever ruins how adorable she acts...
"So, come to spend some time with me?" I asked, the little bat bobbing his head up and down, in turn the motions causing me to bounce my head up and down, to little Sweetiebelles amusement.
Suddenly, Sweetiebelle went silent, ducking behind me. Ferdinando also tried to hide himself as deep in my hair as he could. In a few seconds, I was able to see why.
It was a terrifying looking unicorn, her body only slightly smaller then Big Macintosh, a long swathe of brown bed head hair and a likewise styled tail. Her eyes were exactly like the Overlady style yellow whisps, and her mark was the same outline of her helmet that she used for my token. In a bloody red, that stood in stark contrast to her oily black coat, that seemed to suck the very light from the air.
What she did next though, halted all thought process. She walked up, right in my face, and licked me. Not just a quick little 'leagh', but a long, erotic sounding tounge scraping from the tip of my muzzle all the way up to my forhead.
Then she had the gall to give me a toothy smile, and remark, "Hiya."
"Nyaflgaf...sass...fras.....gyufol...naaaaaaaa?" I asked to the extent of my intelligence. I couldn't...This...I didn't....bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Okay then. after that mental hiccup, I managed to pull myself back into a sembance of intelligence.
"Umbra," I managed to choke out, "I thought you said you didn't have any transformation abilities?" I asked as the little ball of chess pried herself from behind me to get a better look. Ferdinando stayed deep in his hiding place, tucked tight to the back of my head.
Giving a chuckle, Umbra twirled around on the spot to show of her disguise. "Well, Twi had a book on that subject lying around so I thought I give it a try. You like?" Crouching down a bit she smiled at Sweetiebelle. "Hey there lil´one." she cooed.
"Umm...hi?" Sweetiebelle started, getting a better look at Umbra. "Are you... a friend of Wade's?" She asked, cocking her head to the side like a confused puppy.
"Why, yes I am." Gently she ruffled Sweetiebelles mane. "My name is Umbra, nice you meet you." She shook her head suddenly, and turned to me. "He, not to be rude Wadey-kins but I think we really should go back to Twilights place. I´m running pretty low on juice and the last thing we want now is a panic hn?"
Great. So she was doing something that she couldn't keep up for long. Wonderful.
"Think you can keep it together till we get back to Twilights?" I asked, picking up Sweetiebelle and sliding her onto my back. I didn't like people in my personal space, but we might have to make tracks faster than her little legs could keep up with. Wouldn't want to leave her behind, after all. Maybe I could see if Umbra could actually use the magic crystals I had gotten off of that other version of Rarity? I still couldn't figure out how to get them to work, and Twilight said they were just crystal with a wad of magic in them, I should be able to use them. Can't, though.
With a slight nod from Umbra, we both set off at a brisk jog. If Twilights castle had been off at the edge of town like that other Equestria I had see, we might not have made it. Seeing as our version was smack dab in the middle of town saved our bacon. We made it up the swooping staircase, opened the door...and Umbra shimmered, the vissage of the black unicorn dissapearing as I slammed the door shut.
We stood there panting in the foyer, before Sweetiebelle hopped off my back.
"How come yours can't be cool like his?" She asked, eyes darting between us.
"Hers." I huffed.
"..." she took a good long look before responding. "Sorry, you just look almost exactly like Wade...different coat color and mane length though...do you have a tail?"
"Pffff... what... I... no, I don´t have a tail. Wade, what ideas gave you these ponies?"
"I give them no ideas. They make them all on their own." I stated, trying to catch my breath. I started morphing back, disturbing Ferdinando from his perch. He clung to the back of my head, transferring to my shirt collar once I was done.
"Come on, I wanna try something."
"Try what?" chirped Sweetiebelle.
"I got a couple magic crystal thingies from another version of your sister, Apparently they use them as mana potions."Sweetiebelle perked up at mention of her sister, but didn't interrupt. "I can't use them for some reason, but maybe Umbra can..."
"Sweet..." Umbra half moaned. "A nice bat you have there by the way," She weezed out, causing Ferdinando to perk up and give her a glance over my shoulder.
"This is Ferdinando-"
"Ferdy!" chirped Sweetiebelle.
"Nickname, but whatever," I continued on, finally reaching 'my room'. Technicalities and so on. "Okay so just give me a minute, and we'll see if these work."
"A pleasure my fine Chiroptera." Umbra nodded towards the bat.
I started rooting through the chest at the foot of the bed, pushing aside Rarity's 'depression coat' as I found the crystals I had gotten from...well, Crystal. I stood up and tried to activate one of them, but just like last time, no dice.
"Hmm, what do we have here?" She asked, inspecting my 'trophy shelf'. What? It's not like I could do anything with them. I kept Dante's bell, Rockt and Groots Stun Baton, and I think Auric's coin was in my backpack for easy use. If I had actually BROUGHT my backpack with me. That might have been useful. "That´s one of those Mana gems?"
"Yeah," I tossed one over to her, "See if they don't work for you, the way it was described you just have to concentrate on it, and it activates."
She straightened, a halo of magic surrounding her briefly. "Wo how Wade, this is rad! My Manapool is re-fulled to the max and they cured my magic hangover too. These things are the biggest thing since the invention of Toast!" Huh. Guess it worked.
"Glad they work for you. Here, you can have these too, they don't do anything for me." I handed her the other two gems, closing the chest after hiding the golden banana at the bottom of the chest. Theres an item I don't wanna talk about. If only I could just get rid of...waitaminute... "Hey, do you find yourself in combat situations often?" I asked, opening the chest back up.
"Why, yes. I think you could say that loud."
"Here," I said, pulling out the golden banana and tossing it to her. She paused for a couple seconds, probably listening to the stupid chant with the jungle drums, before asking-
"Ooooh, banana?"yeeeep.
"Thats a token I can literally think of no use for unless you need a distraction. It belongs to a Displaced who was cosplaying as Donkey Kong, by wearing nothing but a hat and a tie. not even body paint, if he can be believed. He's a raging..." I stopped, looking down at Sweetiebelle looking at me with a knowing glance.
"What? My sister is Rarity, she leaves her crummy romance novels EVERYWHERE, nothing you have to say will be able to surprise me." Well I guess that answers what she thought of my 'please don't rape me' comments to Zecora...
"Well alright then, to not offend delicate ears," I chose this moment to give Ferdinando a scratchy behind the ears. What? I can work with some puns..."I'll simply say that Donkey Kong is one of the biggest perverts you'll ever find. He'll chase anything that moves with the express interest of...having fun with it," This got an unamused raised eyebrow from Sweetiebelle, "And the inhabitants of his world aren't much better in that regard. He has a magic coconut that probably among other things, can summon an unlimited supply of whipped cream. I'm never going to call him, but maybe you can use him as a distraction while you're running from a dragon or something?" I know it was a bit cruel. But that asshat earned my ire.
It was then the universe decided to piss in my cheerios. A hole opened in the middle of the air, and deposited another glowing, golden banana. By rocketing it at mach 10 directly into my face.
I spent a few seconds rolling around on the ground, clutching my forehead and almost biting my tongue so I wouldn't fly into a stream of profanity. I don't care how...nonchalant she is about 'Rarity's romance novels', there are SOME things I'm going to try to avoid saying around her. What? I'm a...semi-responsible adult...
"Okay then," I picked up the new banana, and flung it into the chest, "I guess that one really is yours now."
"Well then, thanky I guess. Having a scapegoat slash decoy up my sleeve could come handy in the future I guess, if it saves my butt from being horrible mutilated," she stored the token away with the two crystals in her pouch. "So then, how about we finish our little game now?"
"Allright with me, Sweetiebelle gets winner, that alright with you?"
With a squeal of delight, Sweetiebelle whipped the chessboard and pieces out of her bag with a burst of emerald sparklies. In a few seconds, the game board lay in the middle of the floor with all the pieces in their places.
I looked at the board before voicing my confusion. "Ummm, I don't remember where our pieces were...do you?"
"Yes, in fact I do." She started placing the pieces in their respective places, recreating our battle previous. Cool. Wish I could do that. "Well, if I recall correct, you just sacked my Queen so now it is high time for some sweet, sweet revenge." she stated in a sing song voice and moved her castle, taking out my last one. "Check," She stated with a snide grin. Sweetiebelle looked at the board and back to us, as if confused as to why Umbra had moved her castle there. After a few seconds, I could see why. She had moved directly into position for me to take out her castle with one of my knights, and afterward my own knight would have her king in check!
I slid my knight into position, and watched as her grin fall as she realized I had turned the tables on her. Screw a lie detector, I got a Sweetiebelle 100% guarenteed chess detector!
"You're really...? Okay then..." Sweetiebelle muttered, shaking her head. What? What did I do wrong? I put her in check, and took one of her pieces, how was that bad?
I immediately regretted my move, as she slid her bishop across the board and killed off my knight.
"Aaaaaaaaand now you've lost."Sweetiebelle said, pointing at my king, "No matter what you do now, she's going to bottleneck your princess into a checkmate with her scribes and castles."
"Noooo, I could still make a comeback, I still have my queen-"I protested.
"Royal knight, and maybe, if you didn't have it way on the other side of the board, pinned against the wall with your other guard," She pointed at my remaining knight, "As it is, it'll take you two moves to get your royal knight back into play, which you can't really do while you're in check. She's just going to keep herding your princess from this point, until its checkmate."
...cheeky little brat.
"Fine, apparently I lose by default, " I said, shooting a grin towards Umbra. "Looks like you're up to take a beating from her. I shall watch on in muted horror. You were a valued companion, and I shall deeply regret your passing."
Sweetiebelle looked back and forth between me and Umbra, "I'm not...that good, I swear..."
"Woe is me, for you to have such sublimal trust in me. But alas, I shall face my demise in the way of a true warrior and so the Gods are willing maybe even prove the nay-sayers wrong." Setting the pieces back into place, Umbra smiled at the Unicorn filly "Now, have at thee oh cute one."
She looked like she was wrestling with her common sense against grabbing lil Sweetiebelle and snuggling her like a little stuffed animal. "Woe is me, for you to have such sublimal trust in me. But alas, I shall face my demise in the way of a true warrior and so the Gods are willing maybe even prove the neigh sayers wrong." She said, putting all of the pieces back in their beginning places, giving Sweetiebelle a brilliant, adorable smile. "Now, have at thee oh cute one."
The game started out without aplomb, and not a single piece being taken as they slid their pieces around the board. Sweetiebelle had constructed a queens guard, arranging her pawns into a checkered formation on the blue squares(The pieces were Celestia and Nightmare Moon themed, as was the board. Instead of Black and White, the colors were Blue and Yellow.). Umbra had instead freed her head pieces, leaving her pawns unmoved if she could. The only head piece she left immoble was her right castle, probably so she could use it to save her king if need be. Smart. I almost never used the castles in this fashion, I liked keeping my castles mobile.
Then, the shit hit the fan. Sweetiebelle moved a pawn to threaten an outstretched bishop. "Now..." she said, the first vocal dialogue between them since the start of the game, "...we begin. Have at thee, and may this be a night of thunder." Sweetiebelle said a lot of weird stuff, I had to assume she read a lot of manga or something.
"Heh, now we begin!" Umbra retorted as she snagged her pawn.
Pieces were moved across the board, and more than a few were taken off it quick succession. It looked like Umbra had the advantage-
A chess piece was moved by a small magic cloud a squeaky voice suddenly announced "Okay, Royal Knight please."
"Hä?" Umbra choked out. Sweetiebelle had gotten a pawn all the way over to her side of the board without her noticing!
"Check and mate I guess." Sweetiebelle let out.
"Wat?"
"Yeah, you see, my Royal Knight is threatening your Princess which is blocked by your last castle and my own. No matter if you move or nor, my next turn is my win." Can't say I was all that surprised. Sweetiebelle was a beast.
She stared at the chess board, then at Sweetie Belle, and opened her eyes in a dramatic fashion and threw her hands up. As blue light begann to emanate from the ground she let out a creepy wail.
"Sweeeeeeeeetieee Beeeelleeeeeeeeeee~"
And she was gone.
Sweetiebelle continued to look in the last place she had been, straight across the chessboard. Then she turned to me with a huff.
It started innocently enough, an echoing voice the slinked through my head. "Wade, I require your aid in a possibly world changing matter. Will you help?"
The voice was honest sounding, and for a nice change of pace it wasn't flat out demanding that I come over and help like it was expected of me. And it wasn't like Twilight was going to be coming out of 'lecture mode' for breath any time soon.
"What was that?" She suddenly asked, giving me an odd look.
"Umm, no. No, no, no. Nothing at all..." I trailed off, wondering if I could safely use this as an opportunity to escape. I might be in trouble again once I got back, but...
"Oh no, no you don't, don't you dare Wade!" she yelled, prompting me to do exactly that.
"Do what? It's not like I got a call from another Displaced and said 'I accept', or anything," I said, putting as much intention as I could on the 'I accept'. I was rewarded with a sudden jerk, as I slipped down through the couch I was sitting on, and down through the floor.
"Darn it Wade, you are in so much trouble when you get back!" was the last I heard of her voice before I slipped out of the universe.
~--------------------------------------~
Entering this new world was no new affair. Face, meet floor. Hadn't seen you for a while. Glad to be back.
Picking myself off the floor, I was greeted to the sight of a human, wearing a set of rather normal looking clothes, the bulge of a backpack strapped on his back along with the cloak draping over it. He had his hood up, although his face was visible, a bit of his black hair jutting out like a wild weed. His right leg was shod in some sort of leg armor, the metal glinting with refractions of sunlight.
Once I had dusted myself off, the newcomer extended an arm in greeting. “Good, you came. I wasn’t sure if you were going to heed my call. My name is Don. A pleasure to meet you.”
I took his hand and shook it, "Pleasure is all mine. You wouldn't believe some of the nutjobs that are out there. It's always nice to get a call from someone relatively normal. So whats up? You said you needed some help on something?"
"Ah yes. It turns out that a nearby facility is holding something that belongs to me. I already know they would refuse to acknowledge my ownership over it." Oh, so he never even asked. Imagine how much trouble could be avoided, "After all, it has been about three thousand years."
Ah, so he fit the majority motif for most of the Displaced. It seems a lot of people got sent to a version of Equestria about a thousand to two thousand years before I got to my own Equestria. They then got caught up in some sort of crazy misunderstanding, and stoned until the 'mane six' show up. Then they have the entirety of Equestria, including the two princesses out for their hides.
"That's why I need someone to help me break in. I figure an animorph such as yourself would be perfect for the job of slipping inside and getting the information I need to break in without anyone knowing it was me. Plus, as you already stated, there aren’t many of us wayward humans out there who aren't a bit mental."
His eyes changed color suddenly, flashing a deep blue before returning to his regular brown.
"So you need me to just walk in and ask some questions, make mental notes of skylights and other spy things for you? Do you have any way to bypass any magical based securities? Cause Equestrians may not be big on locks -kinda pointless with unicorns- but they're pretty gung-ho on magic tripwires. I won't be able to spot any of those. Just saying, right off the bat."
I didn't want him assuming I could get him something I couldn't. "But I can get information pretty dang easily. Quick question though, whats your Equestria's stance on changelings?"
His eyes flashed blue again before he responded. What, was he some sort of human mood ring?
“Changelings aren’t exactly… accepted in this Equestria." Great, there goe's my first option. Guess I'd have to go Sweetiebelle or Spike. Otherwise someone might notice the stallion or mare walking around without a cutiemark. "I haven’t even seen any in my own version, just in others. I suppose that would go against their point though. As for magical alarms, you shouldn’t have to worry. The doors are protected, but there are other ways a man of your talents could get in. Tell me, do you have any forms like a rat or other rodent?" Oh. That would be pretty smart, actually. I should have actually gotten a couple animals by now. Lord knows I had enough chances what with all of Fluttershy's... pets.
Before I was able to form a response, we were inturrupted by a loud voice coming from down the alley, “Hey you, give me what you- wait, there’s two of you now?!” Don whirled and glared daggers at a minotaur. The great big brute had two horns jutting out of his temples. He shook his head before snorting. “Don’t matter. Just means you both need to give me what you got!”
Don gave a low sigh, before turning back to me with an apologetic look on his face. “Sorry about this Wade. The princesses of my world are far too busy dealing with nobles to try and deal with the crime rate in cities like this one.”
His eyes flashed blue once more, and the shadows of the alleyway darkened, collescing and shooting towards the minotaur, wrapping around his torso before throwing him into the wall. He dropped like a rock as Don strutted over to him to check his pulse, his leg armor clanking with each step.
“Good, he’s still alive.” Don turned back and gave me a smile, “I really do apologize for this, but I would be lying if I said this wasn’t the first time I had to deal with the princess’ mistakes.”
Some of them really were crazy. It astounded me how many of them just went all army happy on Displaced.
"I've been to a bunch of worlds, and they do have a tendancy to screw things up. It's like we're all main characters and they just throw away all common sense to become a dramatic antagonist. Even my own versions are kinda... hard to get a bead on. Give me a second." I stooped down to place a hand on the unconcious minotaurs head. "No sense in letting this opportunity go to waste."
The minotaur stiffened on the ground, before returning to his relaxed slump.
"In answer to your question however, I do not have any 'animal' morphs," I stated, ravaging the air with a couple air quotes. "I have a female Big Macintosh, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Flutterbat, Sweetiebelle, a random crystal Empire guy, Spike, a black dragon named Onyx and a couple changeling morphs. In addition to altered forms of Dante from Devil May Cry, and Pearl from Steven Universe. If you know any of those people. I haven't really gotten any animals...well..." I stalled, trying to think up a decent half truth, "Have you ever tried to catch a squirrel or a bird?" I started, leading to a poor joking tense, "They're darned fast. Theres apparently some sort of crazy big crocodiles or something in the kill-you-dead forest, but I'd prefer to get my morphs from things and or people that aren't trying to eat me. Where are we, by the way? If this is some kind of crappy version of Ponyville, there should be a version of Fluttershy walking around too. If yours is anything like mine, she should have a shitton of animals I could acquire. I just never had a chance because we're keeping the existance of humans a secret."
I paused a couple seconds before continuing. "And I honestly forgot to ask. I might just be horribly lazy on the subject."
“Humans aren’t a secret in this world, though having another one appear may set off the princesses further than they already have been. Once we leave the alleyway, I’d suggest changing your appearance. As for where we are, we are in Manehatten.” he rolled my eyes. “And yes, I know the pun of a name is cringe worthy." They really were. Horribly so. "Ponyville is rather far away," No shit. If we really were in Manehatton, That's like an overnight train ride from Canterlot. Canterlot itself was over two hours away from Ponyville. "And I have no good way of getting us there just to get you a small animal morph. Considering this is a city though…”
As if to to accentuate his point, a squeaking rat started climbing out of a nearby sewer grate. Gross. Don reached out a tendril of shadow and grabbed the little bugger, holding him up to me. “Consider this a gift. Even an Overlord needs friends and you seem like a man with a good head on your shoulders. Much unlike the first one to appear in my world.”
Wait, so he was an Overlord too? What do you know, another guy that had his life hijacked and stuck as a 'bad guy'. It seemed pretty common, actually.
"So you're an overlord too?" I asked, poking the rat in the gut and acquiring it, trying to ignore the slimy brown residue on it's fur that I would rather not think about. "A little while ago, I met 'The Overlady'. You look a lot more human than she did though. She had black skin, like the ironskin form Greed had in FMA. If you know that series. Was she just special, or do you look abnormal for an overlord? Sorry if thats a bit rude, I'm just trying to pass time while I- AGH SON OF A BASTARD, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" I yelled at the smug little ball of brown fur, licking his little rat lips clean of my freshly spilled blood.
It had apparently broken free of the acquiring trance, and taken advantage of my hand being pressed against it's stomach by indulging in it's baser animal instincts. By snacking on my hand like a kitkat.
I took a step back, watching as the rat struggled in the shadow glove. Don flung the rat off down alley, watching with disdain as it escaped back down the sewer drain. Little jerkwad. Guess not all the animals of Equestria were hyper intelligent like Fluttershy's.
"Gah! Little shitstain. I got the morph, though." I started morphing, just to get rid of the lancing pain shooting through my hand.
My ears grew and slid upwards, and a corse thick brown fur sprouted all over my body, as my clothes melted into my skin. The stun tube merged with my leg, the metal surface becoming just another stretch of flesh. My teeth lengthened, becoming sharpened points as my body shrunk. Not even Sweetiebelle had been this small, the world towering above me like I was stuck in some sort of paradise for giants.
The morph finished, I tried to tell Don to pick me up. Emphasis on the word try. Apparently the rat mouth was never made to produce anything even close to human speech.
<Damnit, stupid rat mouth. Pick me up Don, I don't want you to spaz out if I try to climb up your leg.> I 'said' in thoughtspeak.
His eyes flashed blue again, this time having no more signifigance than him simply reaching a hand down to pick me up. "I'm guessing you want me to take you to the factory I told you about, right?" he asked me.
<Sure thing. You should tell me what to expect on the way. First and foremost, what the thing I'm looking for looks like. I'm guessing a sword, or maybe a piece of armor. Maybe a necklace that shoots pizza for all I know. It's always something you don't think of right off the top of your head though. Anyway, If I know what the thing I'm searching for looks like, I can give you an exact location, which should help you all the much more.>
I wriggled around in his hand, climbing up his arm to settle into the folds of cloth near his hood. I couldn't judge myself, but it felt like I was hidden from sight.
<You said it was a factory?> I asked, as he moved out of the alleyway and started off down the street. I noticed as he tucked a familiar blue cube into his backpack. I wish I had been able to pick something a bit smaller for my 'token', having something like a cube definitely wasn't the most economy sized thing I could have gone with.
<Are there just going to be workers milling around? Seems kinda a weird of a place to be keeping a supposed artifact of The Overlord...although having said that, that sounds exactly like something the princesses would do. Hide stuff in places no one would expect, I mean.>
“That may have been the idea.” Don shrugged. “I’m not sure if it was the princesses who put it in this factory in the first place though. It’s possible some greedy ass hole found the thing and decided to use it for his own purposes.” We turned a street corner, a large(to my eyes, seemingly gigantic) chain link fence coming into view.
“In either case you should be alright. If you’ve met an Overlord before, most likely you know what minions look like. If there are any inside, they will be red. Either find them or find the nest, which will probably seem rather out of place in a factory. I’m not sure what it looks like myself, but they tend to be designed based on the minions they spawn. So basically, look for a giant rock that’s on fire.”
Well that was interesting. So the basic idea was that whoever owned this place was taking advantage of a...hive of minions, or something. I skittered across the lawn, wiggling through a crack in the wall. The interior was full of dust, and what I assume had once been some sort of insulation. It appears I wasn't the first rat to take the scenic route through these walls. If the droppings were anything to go on.
All around me, the walls reverberated with clanking echoes of machinery. Finding myself a rusty hole in a vent, I managed to get a highway around the building. I actually managed to keep a bearing on my location. Right, left, up, left, straight, straight, right, straight, left, down, right. Twilights freaking crystal labyrinth actually came in handy. Can't find anything in there even if it was an exit in a room with one door, but it actually trained me to find my way around a normal place. Thank god for small things, I guess.
I passed another vent opening, and was blasted with a ball of hot air. Looking through it, I was privy to a sad sight. It was a large room, easily three times the size of my highschool gym. Inhabiting it was a a wave of little red minions, each wearing a solid metal collar with a sinisterly glowing gem affixed to the back of the spine.
There were three gryphons keeping watch, each holding a stick with an amethyst attached to the tip. One of them pointed theirs at a minion who apparently hadn't been working as fast as they wanted. The minion shrieked in pain, clutching at his throat until the gryphon pointed the stick thing at the ceiling again. There was a fair ammount of grumbling, before all of them got back to work. There was noticably fewer dragging their feet.
I squeezed my way out of the vent, skittering my way across the floor and making my way towards a minion as far away from the three gryphons as I could find. I poked his uncovered foot, and got a disgusted look of disdain. He lifted his foot and made to stomp on me before I concentrated a private thought speak at him.
<Hail The Overlord>
His face froze in surprise, and lowing his foot as his eyes darted back and forth from me to the closest gryphon.
"Overlord?" He whispered, crouching down out of the sight of the guards.
<He is in the area, and wishes to reacquire his faithful minions. If you know where the nest is, inform me now. You belong to the Overlord, and it is your duty to perform in his glory.>
"Yes, yes. All hail the the Overlord-"
"All hail the Overlord." Chorused all minions within earshot.
"Shut up you little shits! Get back to work!" a gryphon shouted, waving his stick around much to the pain of those its focus landed on.
<Silence you fool! Do you wish to dishoner the Overlord with your stupidity? Just tell me where the nest is, and be quick about it! I must report to the Overlord!> I shouted into his head as forcfully as I could. If the minions the Overlady had were any indication, the best way to deal with one was to act like an asshole and...evil...y.
"Apologies rodent, I feel the nest over there." He pointed at a wall, towards the center of the compound. "But I have not seen it in many cycles. I know not where it lay exactly."
<Your words will please the Overlord. Warn the others. Your freedom is nigh.>
And with that, I scrambled off, back to my floor height grate. I made my way back outside, and met back up with Don.
<Allright, take this as a proximation of the building,> I started, drawing a large rectangle on the ground, <keeping in mind its parallel to the building itself. Here, along the side thats closest to us, is a large room where a shitton of minions are being used as day labor. They all have magic collars on, which shock the crap out of them whenever the guards feel like it. The one minion I talked to claimed the Nest was in the center of the building. That being said, he was only sure on the direction, and hadn't actually seen it in 'cycles'. Also, whats with gryphons, are they like your worlds version of slavers?>
“Not that I know of,” Don muttered, extending an arm so that I could climb up onto his shoulder. “I do have one in my service however and she’s rather… violent. I could see gryphons becoming slavers.” Don got up and began walking in a seemingly random direction, “Now that I know where the minions are, it shouldn’t be hard to find the nest. The problem still lies in me getting to them and the nest without being spotted.”
It was a risky plan. That being said, it was a pretty smart one. I would sneak in, and morph something large to raise hell as best I could. Hopefully this would draw as much attention as possible, leading as many guards as I could away from the minions and 'nest'.
I crawled through the vents, making my way to the far side of the factory. Looking through each grate I passed, I was surprised with what I saw. I had somehow managed to head straight for the seediest area right off the back, and the rest of the factory was...painfully normal looking. It was some form of bread making operation, scads of ponies, gryphons and minotaurs happily kneading dough only a few hundred feet away from forced slavery. I don't think even half of them knew. For all intents and purposes, the place looked normal. A shame I'd have to terrorize them, then.
I slinked out of the vents, landing stealthily out of sight behind an oven.
"I'm telling you Buttercup, I heard the something screaming the other day-" I heard coming from the front, a keening female voice.
"Right, and the factory is owned by the gryphon mafia, I've heard all of these before Blossom. It's just rumors, you know that right?"
(if you don't want a PPG reference, just tell me and I'll change the names)
"C'mon, I'm not lying, I heard something I swear!" Blossom claimed, drowning out her friends voice.
I didn't want to keep Don waiting while I eavesdropped on a couple of gossipy breadmakers (a wonderful use of my time, I know), so I demorphed, trying to choose between two of my morphs for what I could best use to terrorize a bunch of helpless workers.
Contorted uncomfortably behind the oven, my legs tucked up close to my chest so that I actually fit behind the oven. It was about to become even more cramped. I started morphing, my bones squelching as they grew and stretched.
"Did you hear that?" I heard Blossom ask, before getting shot down by her friend.
"No Buttercup, I'm not playing your game. I'm here to work, and get paid so I can feed my daughter. If you wanna trade scary stories, that can wait till a girls night, allright?"
"I'm not joking, don't you hear that? that cracking sound?"
My body took that exact moment to let out a horrendous crackling sound, as wings grew from my back and formed the bones required to move them.
"I...I'm not in the mood for your tricks, Blossom. Cut it out." Buttercup sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than her friend. I decided to start the panic a little bit early, by sending a bit of thoughtspeech her way. If it worked like in the books, then it should work regardless of if the morph could form human speech, as long as the form itself was morphed.
<You knew.> I growled in my head, mentally holding my chuckles under wraps as I heard every bit of movement on the other side grind to a halt. For a room that had to my best knowledge over a hundred people milling about, pretty impressive.
"H...hello?" Blossoms voice came plaintively.
<You knew.> I growled again, my growing frame slowing pushing the massive oven away from the wall, the metal and concrete cracking and breaking with roaring creaks.
<You knew my children suffered, and you did nothing. You listened to their cries of pain and torment and ignored them.>
The oven finally was shoved away from the wall, revealing my finished morph to the stunned workplace.
<For YEARS, you have tortured my offspring. And for WHAT? > I tried to put as much anger into my 'voice' as I could, <FOR NOTHING MORE THAN TO HEAT OVENS FOR YOUR CHUD CHEWING UNGRATEFUL MOUTHS!!! AND FOR THE TORTURE YOU HAVE PUT MY CHILDREN THOUGH, I WILL VISIT UPON THEE RETRIBUTION A THOUSANDFOLD!!!>
I reared back up on my hind legs, letting out the best roar I could through Onyx's mouth.
I will admit, I managed to scare even myself.
I flared my wings out and let out another ground shaking roar, watching as the assorted workers milled and panicked. A noticable few of them stood their ground, glaring at me defiantly. A couple earth ponies, a pegasus, seven minotaurs and twelve gryphons. All being decidedly non threatened by my performance, and most of them pulling clubs and knives from hidden compartments in the floor.
"You got a problem dragon, we'd be glad to oblige you. Put all yo' worries to rest," a gryphon to my left rasped, twirling a knife in it's claws.
"We don't have any dragonlets working for us, so you must be talking about our other guests. Sorry to say," the pegasus growled, slowly working his way forward, "the family would be remiss to allow our special guests to leave, especially when theres still so much left for them to do... You'd be amazed what all they're useful for, beyond heating ovens for our...chud...chewing... mouths." he trailed off, slowly dragging his hoof mounted blade across the floor as he stalked ever closer.
Well. It seems I wore out my welcome. Time to beat tracks like a warner brothers character.
"Meep meep!" I let out, quickly turning and rushing out of the room through a door behind me and to my left. It seems I had quite the following, as I heard all the remaining inhabitants in the room behind me surging after with cries of death on their lips.
Quite a few of them threw their weapons after me, a club thwacking me in the head. A knife managed to somehow cut through the joint in my left wing, leaving it flopping limp and useless in my mad dash. I tackled my way through a door in front of me, introducing me to a large room filled with, wait for it...
Yet more assholes, each touting a club, sword or knife.
"Any of you hear about that new vending machine they're putting in the break room?" I asked, smiling and carefully making my way to the right, where an ungaurded door lay. "Poppy seeds, sapphires and even weasel meat, sounds like a treat, don't it?"
"Get her!" came the first cry as I closed the door behind me.
"HUBLEEEAAAAGH," I stated, vomiting fire along the creases of the door, effectively welding it shut.
I turned around, and was greeted by the sight of Don and seemingly a million little red minions.
"Oh...hi. Rather hostile employee disertation, wouldn't you say?"
“Glad you are here. We have the nest and the minions, but now comes the escape. There’s a sewer line running underneath this place.” Don rose off of the ground on a wave of shadows and let loose a powerful blast of fire straight into the ground below him. The result was the beginnings of a wide tunnel. “We just need to reach it."
"Got it," I said, making my way to the hole. I quickly tore at the sides of the hole, widening it past its original width. Once it was about twice as big, I climbed back up and made my way to what I had to assume was the 'nest'. A big chunk of flaming rock. Like, it literally had gouts of fire coming off of it. "Move it small fry, I can carry it faster than you," I jibed, watching as each of the 'small fry' each took offense to my comment, sneering and hissing at me.
“You heard him.” Don barked at the assorted minions. “Let him carry it out. All of you should get down the tunnel immediately.” The minions scampered off, dropping the nest at my feet and leaping down the hole, All of them acting like little children. Some wer doing somersaults, handstands, and flips, the entire shebang. The door chose this moment to let out a worrying creak, the metal stretching and warping under the forces being applied to the other side of it.
“Come on Wade. We need to move!”
I concur. Moving with haste at this point in time would be rather smart. I hoisted the nest onto my back, nearly staggering at the surprising weight of the thing. I dropped down into the hole after Don, taking a moment to let a gout of fire roar its way against the ceiling above the hole. I was rewarded with the eventual groaning of the weakened ceiling, until it collapsed and filled the hole behind us.
I readjusted the nest, and turned back to Don. "Lets see them do some dirty work for themselves for once, huh? If they want this so badly, they can very well dig for it."
Don nodded with a smile before waving his hand over his minions, the gesture immediately grabbing their attentions before he pointed down the sewer tunnel. Once they were grouped up and marching ahead, Don and I trooped after them.
It took a decent amount of walking but we managed to finally find the exit to the tunnel.
Don turned to me as I set down the nest, breathing a long whuff as my lungs tried to kill me from the inside. “You’ve done me a great service my friend. Should you need some help in your own world, I’ll be glad to assist you.” Coolio, I'd welcome this guys help any time, he was tight. Wasn't a complete ass the entire time, either.
"Have to say, I'm glad I finally found another guy who's actually normal. It'll be nice to have someone new I can rely on. Do you have a token yet?"
It was at this exact moment the universe did what it did best, by slinging a freaking KNIFE at my face as hard as it could through a portal out of the void. I tried to dodge out of the way as best I could, but the damn thing still clipped me in the chin. Broke through all the scales there, too. Some times I think that the universe is trying to kill me.
Shaking my head free of the massive jump in adrenalin I was riding, I slogged my way over to the rock the knife had embedded itself in. I managed to wrest it loose, and I turned back to Don. I then immediately jumped in the air, the visage of a certain stripey one causing me such panic I cowered behind Don.
"OH GOD PLEASE DON'T RAPE ME!"
I knew, unconsciously, that this wasn't the same individual that had been stalking me in...that world. My conscious mind however, didn't give a shit, keeping me curled into a scaly ball of dragoness, barely fitting behind the Overlord, making an utter fool of myself.
Don tried to placate me as he tried to ignore my debilitating position. “Wade, relax. These are a couple ponies who serve me. Well, one’s a zebra but close enough.”
I stared long and hard at Zecora, who was looking at me like I had grown a second head. Or maybe she just wasn't used to things fours times her size cowering away from her.
"I...sorry...I've just had...a really bad experience with an anthro version of her from a world where everyone is in heat, all the time. Even the males. That being said, watch out for a token that looks like a golden banana, and be wary of any Displaced trying to summon you that sounds like a stereotypical surfer guy. Trust me, you don't want to be in this guys world, he basically has Discords powers. Then theres the matter of-NYEAGH," I yelped, seeing as Zecora took a step forward. "Stop that, please. I know you aren't her...but..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say that wouldn't insult her past what I had already said.
Don sneered, grimacing at the thoughts I had just put in his head.“Okay, ya. I can see where you are coming from there. Let’s just say being a stallion with no pheromone tolerance sucks.” Thats...Oh, I guess he had some sort of transformation abilities too. Seemingly better than the Overlady, if it was actually a form change as opposed to whatever it was that she had done.
Don turned to Zecora, addressing her, “Go open a portal and get the nest where it needs to go. Just…go around Wade.” She nodded before walking around us, giving me a wide berth. I breathed a sigh of relief once she was out of sight.
"Can you...apologize to her once I'm gone? Cause I don't think I can honestly speak towards her without squeaking in fear." I leaned in close, and whispered, "I know she's probably evil, given your title, but if she's not a raging bitch I'd still like her to know that I am actually sorry for my behavior," I leaned back, speaking once more at a normal level. "It isn't her fault another version of her left a bad impression on me. But enough about her, please do introduce me to your friends,"
I motioned to the almost identical ponies that had walked up with Zecora. They both wore a striped blue and white vest ontop of a white shirt,topped with a bowtie. Atop both of their heads, they each some sort of straw hat tilted jauntily. Their hair and tails looked like...cinnamon toothpaste. Sorta. I didn't bother trying to see what their butt marks looked like.
“Oh, those two are Flim and Flam." As in...Flimflam. Huh. These lot sure wore their nature on their...names. Hmmm. "They make machines which is kind of rare at least in this Equestria. They also are the ones who made sure I didn’t completely die when the first, what did you call them? Displaced, ya that’s it, when the first Displaced I encountered showed up and tried to kill me.”
I leaned in close again, lowering my voice to a whisper once more. "Lemme guess, the asshat found out you weren't actually evil, and took offense to the fact that you didn't follow his ideals," I returned to my normal volume, and directed my gaze once more towards Flim and....-guh, why do these names have to be so stupid? Maybe I should take that up with Twilight-...Flam. "But you obviously kicked his ass and sent him packing, I mean, you are the one standing here, letting the world know you're an unbeatable badass, right?"
He paused, his eyes flashing blue once more. He took a few seconds, obviously trying to figure out what to say. “More like he threatened to tell the princesses on me, which in my current state would have most likely gotten me killed or made into a statue. I told him to leave or I would have to kill him. He chose to fight me and the place we were in fell apart on my leg.” He shifted his weight onto his right leg, his metal greave creaking somewhat as he did. “After that I tried to grab his shapeshifting device, which was some kind of weird watch, before a flash of energy caused me to end up in this city. I can only assume Jason got sent back home.”
He quickly added. “Also, there’s a fair warning for you. If you find a token that looks like a soda can with green circuit lines on it, don’t touch it.” He then muttered. “Seeks to understand all forms of life my ass."
Soda can? Allright then. Soda can that has green circuit thingies on it, avoid at all costs. That Displaced is apparently an asshole that'll do his damnedest to screw you over, even if you aren't evil. Got it. Wait... Shapeshifting device...that looks like a watch...
"Did his watch have...what looked like an hourglass insignia on it?" I asked, flinching as a flash of rage covered his face for a split second.
"Why...yes. I would have to say it did," he eventually responded, once he had composed himself.
I stared at Don for a couple seconds, before voicing my opinion. "Great. Theres a Ben Ten Displaced out there, who's apparently an utter ponce. Wonderful. As if our life wasn't hard enough. Why not make it so everyone has Discord's powers?" I asked the multiverse, directing my gaze to the sky and flinging my...claws to the side, "Maybe make it so everyone is just a copy of Celestia's ass while you're at it. That at least would piss me off slightly less!"
Don let out a slight guffaw, “So have everyone be literally a horse’s ass? Guess it can’t get much worse than Celestia’s pasty white behind. Well it looks like we’re just about done here. Best you leave before they figure out how we escaped. Don’t hesitate to call me up though if you need it.”
"I...uh...don't really control when I return," I explained. I started to morph back, stopping once I hit my full height. "I just sorta rubber band back whenever the-" The multiverse once again flipped me the bird, flipping the world so I fell sideways through the ground.
I found myself sitting in the same chair I had left at the beginning of the day, Twilight nowhere to be seen. Oh thank god, now I could just relax. I raised the knife that I had to assume was Don's token to better inspect it, before letting it drop to the ground beside the chair. I undid the stun baton from my belt loop as well, lying it next to the knife. I let myself indulge in a creaking stretch, before settling back down into the chair.
"What an extremely pleasant individual," I said to the darkened room, letting myself slowly drift off to a comfortable rest.
Fair warning, I didn't write this chapter. It was originally written by Jake Witt, and afterwards I first personned it and cleaned it up as best I could. Jake gets a lot of flak for his writing style, and yes it is fairly difficult to follow. But if you stick it through, he proves that he's a decent writer with the stories that he's made.
It happened so quick it might have been funny... If it had happened to someone else. I may not be a diehard believer in slapstick, but I am a fervent supporter for it happening to OTHER people.
I fell through into a new universe, landing thankfully on a bed. Facefirst, of course. That was normal by this point. What WASN'T normal is what the bed did. It jackknifed like a hinge, flinging me into a nearby wall. And no, I wasn't even allowed to save face or anything like that. Somehow the arc of the beds throw(good god, I know JUST how odd that sounds) managed to put me into a perfect somersault, resulting in another faceplant. I know that its my signiture entrance by now, but I shouldn't have to have it done to me two times in less than ten seconds.Odd thing was, usually from an impact like that I would have been aching. For some reason I wasn't.
I found myself being moved, so I just played dead to see if I could figure out anything about my 'summoners'. They already had a plus one from me for putting me in a bed that didn't fling me across the room.
"Box... I think we killed him." An odd name, but I had heard weirder. And the fact that he actually sounded concerned for my safety was again, a plus.
"Just because you get scared to actual death doesn't mean we killed him," a second voice responded. What the heck did that even mean? I didn't smell any rotting flesh, was he an undead?
"What's going on out there?!" yet a third, feminine voice inquired.
"Happy working~- Oh hey don't mind me!" singsonged the female voice. She sounded familiar, and without being able to turn my head and put a face to a voice, I'd have to assume it was the green pony, Liar. Liara? Leer? Something like that.
"Please don't sing. Or at least that song..." the second voice I'm going to assume is named Box complained in a strained tone.
"Why?" she asked. A valid question, it wasn't like her singing was that bad. It was a bit out of tune, but nothing horrible.
"Scientists have yet to explain why he hates songs like that," voice number 1 stated in a dry manner.
"I like a fine line between the two. But songs that too happy sounding makes my skin crawl... wait is that an Equestrian phrase? I don't want to confuse Lyra." Lyra! That was her name! I knew I was close. Lyra, the human obsessed pony.
"My name is and will forever be Laura!" Well that just sounded off. Laura just sounded like too much of a...human name.
I decided I had gained enough information about these guys to make an informed descision, they seemed harmless, if a bit kooky. "Sorry to interrupt," I interrupted, "but is there a reason I'm here or why Q has a Flutterbat plushie?" I asked, leaning up on an elbow while pointing at the odd sight before me.
Discord was swimming around in the air holding a sign that said and literally screamed, 'DON'T MIND ME!!!', while perched on his head was a Flutterbat plushie, not unlike the one I had gotten for my sister.
Box immediately jumped down my throat with a barrage of words, "Hello, my name is Box withalongtitleinvolvingCelestia and the human with cubism legs is Lego Craft the guy who summoned you. And here is an almost human Laura a.k.a. Lyra. Nice to meet you Wade Jellecks, I've read a lot about you."
Well that was interesting, how exactly was he able to read about me? Did Auric or some other guy make a Displaced Dossier on me or something? "Read? About me? Here?" I asked, stepping away from the excitable pony.
"Yeah. Yeah. Has more likes than this story, but who cares!" Box said, tossing his hooves in the air. He changed into a unicorn and walked off muttering something about 'catching up with Auric' or something I wasn't quite able to make out. The green haired lady known as Laura walked off, humming a cheerful tune.
"That was new." Lego Craft stated. He turned his attention back to me, "Do you have your Teseract-cube thing or does the token work as one?"
"You mean my Escafil Device?" I asked, reaching into my backpack and digging it out. I handed it over, placing it in a blocky hand.
"Yeah that. Whatever you said," Lego replied, "I sort of need it. I can morph using a Mine Craft morphing MOD, but unlike Box over there-"
"What?" I exclaimed in confusion. Trying to rectify my verbal outburst, I followed up with, "What!?" Allright so my thoughts on finding another person who could morph kinda scrambling my ability to form coherant sentences. I tried once again, letting out another "What???" Lego gave me a dry look, a single eyebrow raised in contempt at my continued inability to say anything of importance. I finally decided to let him continue, so we could actually proceed with the conversation.
Lego continued with a short *ahem*, "I can't sound like what I acquire, nor can I use magic or fly in the respectful forms of those who use that magic," he explained.
"Is that so? Well can I see? I'm not doubting your word, but I'd like to see you morph." It wasn't that I was doubting him. I just really wanted to see it. If it was anything like mine I would finally be able to see what it looked like. I suppose I could just do it in front of a mirror, but that just sounds like such a drag.
Lego let out a shrug, before his entire body turned into black boxes that reshaped themselves and moved around. When they came back together, they reconnected and reshaped into the form of a pegasus. Color returned to his body, as it was orange all over with a two tone blue mane and tail that almost seemed to defy gravity. I tried not to look but I got a view of his butt mark, a lightning-shield sigil.
"Well that wasn't as impressive as I thought it would be," I snarked. I didn't mean to be rude, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't anything like one of my morphs. It didn't help me in my observations at all.
Lego Craft didn't seem all that offput, replying, "I can even redesign my forms. I have a recolored Rarity in my DNA."
Well that wasn't exactly anything new, I had one of those too. Oh god was I actually trying to one up this guy? I just met him, doing something like that would be a gigantic dick move! Regardless...
I started a morph to wondertwins, pitching forward onto newfound front legs. I met his height, watching his eyes widen as he watched the process. Once I was done, I realized his attention was fixed tightly on my neck, and left leg. I could see he was looking at my watch, but why was he looking at my neck?
"What's that?" Lego Craft asked, pointing at my neck.
I brought up a leg to my throat, and the flesh collided with the medal I had forgotten about. I replied quickly as I could, "Celestia made me an ambassador and royal translater or something like that. I can't read what it says..."
"I think you need a refund, it looks like a little filly scribbled on the design before the mold was carved and the forge accepted it."
"It's Equish," I replied, trying to defend it for some inane reason. I thought more on it, and the more I did the more it pissed me off. "And it's driving me insane!" I griped. I'm sure if I tried something hard enough, I could eventually get some headway on it...
It was with this musing that the hellspawns token, a golden banana that flew out of a hole in the air and landed in between us.
Like a complete and utter moron Lego Craft decided to nudge it with an orange hoof, "Is that a-"
"I recommend you don't mess with that token," I reccomended, waving a hoof at the offending bit of yellow fruit.
"It's a token?" Well that was a stupid question.
"No!" I rebuffed sarcastically, "All banannas glow and send people to perverted pony world!" I exclaimed. I let out a low sigh, and calmed down. My spazzing out wasn't helping anything. "For what peace and quiet we have, don't touch it," I suggested.
"Ok Princess Wade," he replied, chuckling at my choked stutter from him calling me 'princess'. He ignored my response for the most part, chunking the banana out of the room.
"Oh sweet, a bananna! Yaaaaaas!" came from the other room. I think it was Box who said it, but I couldn't be completely sure.
"Princess Wade?" I was finally able to ask without stuttering. I gave him my best 'confused' look to go with the question.
"Remember Animorphs, when Ax would call the leader 'Prince Jake'? The only prince here owns an empire far away and Blueblood could live and rule a van down by the river for all he's worth. So you're now the princess of morphing!" he said with a grin.
"How about we get this over with." I held out the Escafil Device once more, unsure of when I had actually taken it back. It was in my hoof though, so I obviously had to have taken it at some point in time. Lego gave another shrug, his little morphing show of black boxes appearing around himself, returning him to his human form. After he was done, he reached out a hand and placed it on one side of the cube.
<Species not recognized. Master Control present, Application Accepted,> it stated in thought speak.
After it was done, he looked over to me with an idea on his lips, "Hey, let's do a test run! Whoever can find the other wins!"
Just then Box walked in a hole in the air, covered in whipped cream, bruises and wearing a DK tie. Well it looks like this guy actually managed to get one up on the perverted ape. Good for him.
"That damn dirty ape didn't know what hit him!" he exclaimed. "Anyway, no. Unlike you where you can eat hair and morph in multiple things in a second-"
I leaned over to Lego, arching my neck upwards so I could whisper in his ear, "You eat hair?"
"And feathers. Its gross and I hope my added on abilities can cope with that," he replied in a hushed tone.
"- Wade's morphing can use up his magic reserves. So if you're going to play with these abilities, have him find you or just trust that it works," the whip cream covered pony supplied helpfuly.
Lego looked of towards a wall, peering at the clock hung on it. "It's been an hour, are you sure you want to stay in that form?"
Wait what? I started this morph less than five minutes ago! I hadn't really taken a good look at the clock beforehand, so I just brushed that comment aside.
"Unlike the books, he doesn't have a time limit," Box exposited. How exactly did he know about me in such detail? The dossier idea was looking more and more plausible by the second. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to beat up Donkey Kong." The pony known as Box turned around, hopping through a hole in the air. Without a second glance, he was gone again.
We made our way outside, with the intent of 'playing hide and seek'. He ran off and then called out start.
<The apple stand looks like a good place to hide,> I heard him brodcast in thought speach. Oh, I was going to abuse that to death.
"Found you!" I proclaimed, pointing at a green Cheerilee.
<Are you kiddin' me?!> he asked, accidentally brodcasting in thought speak again. "How are you even finding me, Wade?" he asked in Cheerliee's voice.
"Um, I heard the only green teacher pony is a pegasus? And the real one is behind you." I pointed at the irate teacher. It was as good enough of an excuse as any.
We continued for the next two hours, me searching around as he hid. I found him twice more, once as a duck and once more as another attempt of Cheerilee. At least he got the color right that time...
I found myself now though, having searched for at least an hour on one attempt. Without any clues to go on, I decided to try something risky. Risky in the fact that it probably wouldn't work.
I started morphing my changeling hybrid morph, chitin growing out of flesh and a long horn arching from my brow. I sat down on my haunches, closing my eyes and concentrating. When I shut down my own thoughts, I cast my mind out into my environment and trawled through the emotions of the populace. Happy thoughts, a couple people who were hungry, more than one person feeling nervous...someone feeling an inordinate amount of giddiness. I stood up, following this taste as best I could, pushing people out of my way when they came across my path.
I found myself standing underneath a cloud, a familiar plume of rainbow tinged tail poking out of the bottom of the cloud. Seeing someone walking towards me, I let myself have a little grin.
"Hiya Dashy, are you you, or is that you?" I asked, pointing a hoof upwards towards the rainbow butt high above us.
"What? Who the hey are you, and what the hey do you mean am I-" she cut off, peering at her dopplegangers butt above. "Oh great theres more than one of you. Well I'm me, no fooling around there." she argued.
"But how do I know you're you?" I pressured.
"I'm me, and I don't need to prove it to some weird pony and his changeling friend," with this she took off with a huff, flying off to the east.
I looked back up to the rainbow tail and thought on this prediciment. I had to assume it was him, based on process of elimination. That, or the Rainbow that took off was him. If that was the case then he was a TERRIFIC actor. I was then hit by a wonderful bit of luck. The rainbow tail vanished, and for a second I had a spike of fear that I had lost my quarry. Then I saw Lego fall out of the bottom of the cloud, screaming all the way.
I was worried for a split second, and then Box appeared out of another hole in the air. It seemed he had pulled Donkey Kong through with him, and was trading blows with the perverted monkey. They yelled something back and forth between themselves before Box fell back through another hole. I was beginning to suspect that was his running gag or something.
I charged a burst of magic to my horn, attempting to create a ball of pressurized air to slow his fall. I actually managed to make a decent effort, slowing him down the slightest amount so I was able to jump up and catch him before he hit the ground and went splat. I wrapped my hooves around his midsection, his weight dragging us back to the ground. My legs buckled, but I set him down unscathed.
"Found you," I crowed, perfectly willing to bask in my victory. Saved your life And found you while you were hiding. I win times two!
An hour after that, we had concluded our little game and he had treated me to a bite to eat. A bit spicy for my tastes, but still palletable. We had made our way to his house, when the inevitable happened.
"Well, looks like I must be going." I surmised. I had the feeling of a hook in my midsection, the feeling I get whenever I'm about to get sucked back to my Equestria. And then it was gone. Weird.
He turned his attention fully to me and asked, "Wade, would you like to acquire the DNA of an animal before you go?"
"What kind?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. If he could supply me with something big, this little venture might prove to be a bit of a bonus. Imagine if I could get a giant manticore, or a freaking hydra the size of a skyscraper! Limited usage given their size, but it would still be cool.
He crossed his arms and smirked, "Are you a fan of pokemon or giant spiders?"
"You have pokemon?" I asked. A twinge of excitement went down my spine at the possibilities.
"I don't but Box can spawn some," as if on cue Box was tossed into the room. He had some sort of anthro-ish form he was wearing, along with so much paint it looked like he was covered in tribal tattoos.
"BUCK YOU DONKEY KONG!! Oh and tell your Pinkie I said 'hi' you damn ape!" he let out with a titanic roar.
Lego helped Box to his feet as he asked, "Sorry about that. Did I miss anything?"
"Um... sort of. Can Wade here acquire pokemon DNA?" he postulated, pointing at me with a slight grimace.
Box pulled a cardboard box full of normal and Celestia motifed pokeballs out of nowhere, placing it on the floor. He took out a laptop-again, out of nowhere. I had to assume he had access to some sort of hammer space.- and read something before closing it, "Before I was Tia's adopted son, the two of us would hunt pokemon to catch and train with. These pokemon are bred to protect Celestia... So what'll it be? Charazard? Onyx?" he asked, fixing me with a wide grin.
I took a few seconds to think on it. It wasn't like they were bad choices, but they were both overly large ones that would stick out like sore thumbs. Plus I never liked them, from the show or the games. I finally replied, "Not those two. Though can I have a Squirtle, Mew, Gengar, Pikachu, Dratini, Vulpix or Ninetails, a Sandshrew, and of course Ponyta?" I had always loved the first six, in fact the first six -besides mew, that was an impossible to capture pokemon.- had been my main team for Pokemon Yellow. It might not have been the best loadout, but I had always liked it. And the idea of having a form that could burrow under the ground was appealing. Of course I had to have Ponyta if one was available for acquiring, there was a pony motif to keep up.
"Can do except... I don't have Ninetails and Celestia's Ninetails... Well, nopony touches her Ninetails... nobody either! Not even the Princess herself!" Box exclaimed, his tail twitching irritably, "That thing is spoiled rotten," Box mumbled under his breath as he fished out the eight pokeballs.
He tossed all his obtained pokeballs, letting out my requested creatures. A blue turtle, a flying pink baby-thing, a short purple spiked creature with a creepy smile, a yellow mouse with red cheeks and is sooo cute, a cute blue-white snake-fish-thing with two white fins on its head, a red fox with curls and black paws, a yellow armadillo with a brick-like shell, and a flaming unicorn. All in all, more than I could ever have wished for.
"Are we at Fluttershy's cottage yet?" asked the burning pony. "I'm tired of Netflix and reruns of 'My Little Eevee'... Oh hello there."
The ponyta shook Legos hand with both front hooves, "Hi! I'm Amber. What's your names?"
"I'll be honest..." I started, trying to cover up my embarrassment. "I didn't really think you would be able to just toss out a bunch of balls and immediately call them all. Or that they'd be able to talk. No offense. After living with a bunch of sentient, pastel colored, previously assumed fictional ponies, I really shouldn't be this surprised." I ended, with a flair of my hooves. As well as a raised eyebrow. You can never do without a raised eyebrow. a raised eyebrow is like saying 'screw you' to the universe.
"Sadly only psychics and equine pokemon can talk," Box said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.
"Well. Seeing as you all are actually intelligent, I guess I can actually ask you yourselves. I would like to copy your forms, by touching you and absorbing a miniscule amount of you, like a skin flake at most. Would that be agreeable?" In unison the pokemon nodded and Mew giggled.
I morphed back to normal, so I could acquire them properly. The pokemon -who were focused on me-, allowed me to put them in a happy relaxed state -and pissed off the Gengar-.I turned my head after finishing acquiring Dratini, "I'm Wade, nice to meet you."
Box placed Pikachu on his shoulder, Squirtle and Sandshrew in his arms, Mew on his head while Gengar repeatedly punched a potted tree. Vulpix hopped around a bit, playing with a cricket it found.
"And I'm Lego Craft, story book hero." I said, kissing the mare's hoof... In which she drew back.
"You mean the same one who slayed the Enderdragon and returned peace to Equestria, only to be chained in a dungeon for turning three fillies evil. The same ones who turned King Sombra evil through song?" Amber asked, leaning dangerously close to Lego's face. She then became completely relaxed as her flames died down and she leaned on him with a tired sigh. Lego looked to me, so I gave him a nod.
Box returned the pokemon to their pokeballs, even Amber, as he starting off towards Fluttershy's cottage.
"I barely remember the Enderdragon..." Lego shrugged off what just happened and turned to ask me a question, "So do you have an MP3 player?"
"Yes. In fact, Twilight is trying to take it apart. Why do you ask?" I had almost forgotten about that. She had yet to make a plug that fit right in mine. All seven of the ones she'd made so far had been too small. I think she was rightfully afraid of breaking it.
"Well, I'm one of those people with useful tokens," he summoned a gold plated MP3 player to his hand to show me.
"Besides summoning you, what's so different about it?" I asked.
"You can play any music and sound from anywhere. Your Twilight could break this one and another music player will arrive in its place."
Okay, now that was worth the price of admission!~ I could just hand this over to Twilight, let her geek out over it and keep my poor little music player safe and sound.
"Cool, hows the battery life though? No matter. Now I'll have something to placate Twilight so my poor little music player can stay alive...It'll work just like a normal one though, right? Won't have Twilight breathing down my neck due to the player running off of happy thoughts or something, right?"
"Well, its battery never run down on me for five hundred years, probably more," he answered. Well that was one hell of a duracell. "It'll let you listen to any song or sound you've heard and even recommend music you haven't heard of. Tell your Twilight to 'go wild' on this. So how do I send you back?"
"Wade, our contract has been concluded' in that order in any way you want," I lied. There was no way it would actually work now, but it was a favorite of a bunch of different Displaced.
Lego Craft gave a smirk, "Wade the Animorph, our contract has been concluded, fly!" As an inky blackness slowly crept its way across my arms and legs, he added, "Build a better future!" And with that, I fell out of the universe.
The deralict compound creaked with age, a rat making its way through the halls that hadn't seen life in literal ages. It had been coming here for years, a storeroom of abandoned foodstuffs all the incentive it needed to call the place its home. It had no mate, but that was fine. It had food. It had never known hunger since it had found this place. As long as it stayed here, it never would.
A rumbling sound made its way through the halls, a terrifying clatter that made the rats hair stand on end. A thing was near its food. A thing from inside the space, next to it. Down the space from the food space. Was it after its food? Was it another rat? Another rat after its food!? It couldn't have it. Unless it was a possible mate, then it could all the food it wanted. They would have plentiful offspring, there was enough foodstuff here to raise a strong, voracious family.
It crept forward, out of the foodspace into the connecting space. If it was a competing rat, looking to move in on its territory... the plentiful foodstuff had allowed it to grow big. Any female would be willing to have it as its mate. If there was another, it would kill the newcomer. And add its body to the foodstuff. That would teach an interloper to encroach on its territory.
Sounds... voices... voices. Tall things were here, here to steal away its foodstuff! What was it to do, they were big tall things! They always harrassed it before it found the foodstuff space. They always made it run, throwing not-foodstuff and making loud noises to scare it. Loud, piercing wails that sent cold into its bones.
It would fight them for it. No matter what, the foodstuff space was HIS, and HE would protect it with HIS life. HE would fight them off, and protect the foodstuff.
He crept into the space the sounds were coming from, looking to and fro for the interlopers.
A loud cry sounded to his right, and he hadn't the time to shriek before a fleshy protrusion came down and crushed his head into a broken mess.
"Oh, gross!" a voice proclaimed from the darkness of the room. "Aria, I like, think you killed it."
"Ewwww, it's all over one of my...hooves, what in the name of Tartarus is vermin like that doing here?"
"Zip it," came a third, and resolute voice. "The question we need to be focusing on is 'here'. Where are we? The last thing I personally remember is-"
"Starswirl," Aria said with venom in her voice. "We lost, didn't we Adagio?" She asked of the third voice.
"Lost is a subjective term. We are here, albeit in new forms," Adagio admitted, lurching from one leg to the other as she tried to keep her balance. "And yet I see no sign of Starswirl. Obviously he underestimated the longevity of his prison cell," she said, gesturing to the three tubes they had all crawled from. "Although it is obvious this domicile has been abandoned for quite some time. We must make our escape while we can, and hope our absence isn't noticed."
Aria gave a loud snort of disdain, "Run? With our tails behind us as we scurry off in shame? I'd rather-" Aria made a grand sweeping gesture, toppling to the side in an attempt to regain her footing. The first voice moved to catch her, steadying her as she did so, "Get off me Sonata, stars, you can be such a pain sometimes."
"You prove my point all too well Aria," Adagio admonished her, "I can't seem to change back, and we are all as weak as... as... as ponies," she spat with disgust.
"You take that back," Aria snarled, struggling out of Sonatas helpful embrace.
"Come over here and make me," Adagio shot back, watching with satisfaction as her sister did nothing but huff in frustration. They saw her wisdom. They would follow her again, just as always. The disastrous fracas with Starswirl would not lead her sisters to supplanting her as the unspoken leader of the group.
"We find out what we can about the surrounding area, and find somepony to feed off of. Since we are as weak as we find ourselves, we MUST feed as soon as we find ourselves able. Do you two nitwits get that?"
Her sisters both gave her a short nod of their new heads, hair flopping about from their scalps. Stars above, it made them look that much more like ponies. How disgusting.
"And wipe off your hoof Aria, there's no point in tracking the corpse of that vermin through this entire place."
"I don't think these are hooves," Sonata pointed out in a way she thought sounded helpful, "They're a little too fleshy, ya know?"
"Sonata?" Adagio asked, glaring at the shadows where her sisters features lay.
"Yeah-huh?"
"Shut up."
It was a peaceful afternoon. Isn't that how these things always start? It starts with an 'it', goes on to give a vague description of a day, like 'dark and stormy', 'warm and lazy', or something else equally insipid.
That being said, this was a rather peaceful afternoon. I should have known something weird was around the corner.
I was in the 'friendship castle', along with pretty much every one of Twilight's friends. The main five, anyway. Spike was here too, happily reading comic books while he lounged on his tiny little placeholder throne in the 'throne circle'. This room just looked so stupid, it was just seven crystal chairs sitting in a circle in the center of it. Big yellow... also crystal? Maybe it was gold? I don't know. I don't care.
Twilight was busy organizing a scattered pile of letters and other assorted papers in the middle of the circle, Applejack and Fluttershy were currently shoving around a box -presumably filled to the brim with books, Twilight had been getting orders in all day-, and Rarity was busy... polishing her throne. How vain.
Rainbow Dumbass was busy fluttering near the ceiling, out of sight.
And what about Pinkie Pie, you may ask? You had to freaking ask. Little pink manic aberration of nature was currently sitting on my lap, leaning into my hand and demanding ear scratches. Needy little monster. This was a room open to the public, so you might be asking how I managed to get away with sitting out in the open, normal as you please.
I wasn't that lucky. I honestly didn't think she'd keep asking me to continue every time I stopped, I thought 'hey, she just saw me giving Ferdy a simple ear scratch, she's just curious.' But no. Like a stupid cat, every time I stopped she turned and gave me those soul stopping eyes, those huge orbs of vulnerable sadness. And then she would grab my hand in her hoof, and place it right back up next to her ear.
My legs were starting to go to sleep.
They weren't my legs, though. Hooves at the end, both legs covered in a thick, shaggy hair. Still don't know what I am? Heres a hint, I now had two thick curving horns hooking out of my temples.
That's right, I was a minotaur. Because I wanted to be able to walk around while Twilight had other peop-ponies delivering stuff. Books. Lots and lots of books. Anyway, I wanted to be able to walk around just like normal, without losing my fingers. I like my fingers, fingers are freaking awesome. You don't really realize just how awesome they are until you find yourself with a thick, flat edge for a hand.
So... ear scratchies. I could stop anytime. I could, you know. Just... stop... and try to ignore... the eyes...
"Awwwwwww, cmon Wade, just five more minutes?" She asked, dragging my hand back right behind her ear.
"Excuse me Princess," a rather chipper, male voice sounded out through the room. Looking to my right, I could see a rather lanky looking guy wearing a blue jumpsuit pulling a cart of books. Books piled up higher than the cart lip itself, god that didn't look safe. "Where do you want all these books from Princess Celestia?" he asked cheerfully.
It goes without saying that I used this distraction to remove my hand from Pinkies ear, and oh so very carefully clamp my hands around the armrests of the chair I was sitting in. If I couldn't have my hands to myself, then NO ONE COULD HAVE THEM.
"The library," Twilight said assuredly. As if that was a clear instruction, the poor guy was going to be lost in this stupid castle for days. "Third door on the left," she said, pointing off to her left without even breaking eye contact with the book she was reading. Twilight was slipping. That door she just pointed to led to a room filled with ping pong tables last time I looked.
"Even this one thats glowin' an vibratin'?" he replied tentatively.
I watched as Twilight actually managed to tear herself away from one of her oh so precious books. I followed her gaze, seeing that there was indeed a book 'glowin' an vibratin'. What, so they have pager books? What was the freaking point of that?
She levitated it down off the stack, flipping through the pages. This seemed to be a cue for everyone to stop what they were doing and pay attention to Twilight, who they all gathered around to better see the book for themselves.
Even Pinkie Pie.
My lap is free! My lap! No one elses! My hands! No one elses! SHE CANT HAVE THEM. THEY ARE MIIIIIINE.
"What is it Twilight?" Fluttershy asked in concern.
"It... looks like," Twilight started, squinting at the page as I stood up to try and get blood flow back into my legs. "A message to Princess Celestia from my friends at Canterlot High!"
Canterlot. High. God, they were so uncreative they just named the school the same as the city it was in? What was actually surprising was that they apparently had some sort of... Phone... book.... god I feel so dirty even thinking that pun... Anyway. Phonebook. They apparently had one and were trying to contact Celestia? Ooooh, Twilight was going to be in trooooooouble~.
"How is that even possible?" Rarity asked. A unicorn asked how a MAGIC book worked. Sometimes, I did love this world. They were just so all over the place.
"I don't know..." Twilight admitted, "But... it sounds like they need my help!"
Okay, wait, wait, wait. They contacted... Celestia. How the hell did that translate into... Twilight?
"My skin is green," I groused once again, holding my arm up to better see it in the light.
"Uh, yeah?" the humanoid abomination that was and was also at the same time not Rainbow Dash remarked.
Humanoid. Sorta. They all looked KINDA human, but with a bevy of skin colors you definitely would never find naturally among the human race. Plus, I'm not sure I could prove this, but I could swear their heads were bigger. Bigger than normal, anyway, and I KNOW my eyes weren't this flipping huge before.
Twilight had launched into a technobabble spiel after she had found the phonebook, eventually taking about half an hour to mcguffin up a mirror thing that even Mcguyver would throw up his hands in confusion and call bullshit over. I couldn't fathom why she didn't just take the train like she normally did, but she was on a roll. There was also some sort of nonsense regarding sighrens, but I'll be honest. I wasn't really paying that much to the conversation at that point. Hands. Mine. No one elses.
Anyway, half hour later, and she turned to me and asked if I wanted to come with. A short explanation as to where it led -yeah, you might think I would have raged at Twilight for keeping the lid on the fact that she had a portal to a human world, but as she explained it was almost certainly a parralel world for her world. I'm just glad she was smart enought to realize that purple and cyan weren't normal human skin tones.- and I leapt at the chance. Why the hell wouldn't I? The chance to walk around as normal, with nary a single grass eater pointing a hoof and going 'agh! the hell is that thing???' sounded like a pretty good deal to me.
If I had known that I would be trading my normal skin color, about ten years of age and about a foot worth of height for my boredom I might have just stayed behind. Hindsight. Twenty twenty. Whatever. I was here, so I might as well try to enjoy my newfound freedom.
"And these," the Rainbow... tween stated, grabbing onto one of my fingers and stretching it out for some reason. "Are fingers. We use them to pick stuff up, and overall to do awesome stuff you ponies can't."
I gave her a look like she had suddenly grown another head, causing her to belt out a burst of laughter. "-ffffffffffaw, geez Twilight, I didn't know you were gonna be bringing over such a riot! What, is he your boyfriiiiiiieeeend?~" she stated in an innocent tone, causing said purple unicor-... Tween. Twitween. Her. Twilight let loose a low, frustrated sigh.
"Everypony, meet Wade. He's been staying at my place for the past couple weeks. Wade, meet everypony. I'm sure you've noticed all the similarities?"
"Everyone," I corrected.
"What?" she stammered.
"Every. One. You freaking correct me every time I say 'so and so and me', so I am darn well going to ride your butt with this one and get as much as I can out of it," I explained.
"Out of her butt?" Rainbow Dumbass asked in a confused tone.
"Are all your friends over here mentally special, or is it just this one?" I snapped back at Twilight, ignoring the round of hisses and chuckles I got from that remark. I managed to get a glare from Dumbass-tween after she realized how I had insulted her, but she didn't worry me. She might have been... damn, she was actually taller than me right now. Stupid portal. Anyway, if I needed to I could just morph Onyx or something and get her to back down that way.
Speaking of, could I still morph? Would the portal make all of my forms... 'tween'ified? Good god, what would my minotaur morph be like?
And why the hell was Spike a dog? Cause that seems like he got the short end of the stick. Poor guy, never get any respect.
"I got my eyes on you, jerk," she spouted, before letting out a disgusted huff.
"You insult me, I insult you," I retorted.
"I didn't insult you!" she protested, an angry frown on her face.
"You insinuated I was a complete idiot by assuming I didn't have the brainpower to know what hands are," I snapped, wiggling my fingers in front of my face as I took a long pull from my milkshake.
They had all but practically dragged us to a sweets shop to get reacquainted, I could have sworn the lady manning the counter was the double of the lady pony that was at Pinkie Pie's place. Cake, something. Maybe it was just Mrs. Cake. No, god, that would be dumb. Applejacks double had footed the bill for me and Twilight, Rainbow Dash also piggybacking on with a, 'can I borrow a fiver?'
They had shot the shit, introduced me, and Twilight talked some more about sighrens. Apparently they're a big bad problem or something, being able to use magic to mind control others and vampire suck their anger from them afterwards. Or something. Again, I wasn't paying that much attention.
"Flash Sentry was asking about me?!!?" Twilight near squealed, breaking me from my thoughts. Seems they had wisely pushed my words out of the way to talk about other things.
I stared at her in derision for a couple seconds, watching as she blushed and started playing with her hair.
"Good god, you are such a girl," I squeezed out, trying to smother a laugh.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Applepri- Applejack double human or whatever asked, her voice reaching a dangerous tone. Damnit, NEVER invite a girls anger on you, you can never get out from underneath it. Quick... just.... distract!
"Well, I've been living with her for a couple weeks, and this is the first time I've seen her act like anything besides an adult," I tried to save face, remembering that she did have a tendency to geek out over random shit, even her counterparts from the other worlds didn't act as... well, 'teenager-y' as she was right now. "Usually its like she's my mom more than anything," I stated, cringing as a giggle passed around the table, "But right now you're acting like you're a teenager. What's that about? Does that weird portal do something to your mind, as well as your body?" I asked as I neared the bottom of my glass. If I wanted more, I would have to ask Applejack for another freebie. Wonder if equestrian bits would worth anything over here?
Not like I had any, and I'd have to be stupid to try to steal any. Maybe I could get some gems from Rarity? Nah. I wouldn't really want to impose on her. And again, stealing anything from her would be downright retarded.
"It shouldn't be..." Twilight admitted, getting a contemplative look on her face. "But it is possible. Are you positive I've never acted like this before?"
A round of silence poured over the table, along with awkward glances all around. I shouldn't have come, I was just making this weird for everyone. Especially bacon hair. I think her name was Sunset something. Shammy. Shim. Something. She just kept stealing glances at me from up on her perch atop the couch arm, like she was trying to figure me out.
"Per...haps you can give us just the slightest bit of gossip from your world?" Rarity cut through the silence, sipping tea daintily from a fluted coffee cup and trying her best to maintain a passable semblance of civility, I assume. It really was weird, watching all these people who I had come to SORTA know, and then being struck over the head with completely different versions of them. This wasn't even as weird as any of the anthro Equestria's, but it still gave me a sense of 'uncanny valley'
Who would have ever thought I would think talking ponies were the 'normal' version to be had?
"She's got an official title now!" Spike stated with a brash air. Oh yeah. Spike may be a dog, but he can still talk. Screw the fact that he shouldn't be able to with his current mouth structure, or vocal cords, and even more screw to his paws that shouldn't be able to make it look like he's playing a dog treat like a trumpet.
Cause guess what? He was moving his paws and the little toes at the end of them around just as easily as if they were hands, mimicking as if he were playing a trumpet on his bone shaped dog cookie. Fluttershy had pulled it out of her backpack. Nevermind the fact that she apparently didn't have a dog, but she did have a bunch of other animals. A mouse, a cat, a bird, it was like she was TRYING to get in trouble with her school. You're not supposed to bring stuff like that to school for a reason.
"Du-dad-da-da-da-doo! The Princess... of... friendship!" He crowed, making me wince and look around the room. I could tell straight off that animals weren't supposed to be able to talk here, but no one seemed to take notice of him. Damnit, I was the only guy at the table, they probably thought it was me making all this noise.
"Wow, that's... really impressive," Bacon hair stated, her tone shifting between genuine happiness and for all that I could tell, it sounded a bit like jealousy. "Guess you really were Princess Celestia's prized pupil." Aaaaaaaaaaand there's the jealousy. At least it didn't seem like she meant it maliciously, if anything she seemed a bit sad with her admittance.
"Whats new here?" Twilight asked, obviously trying to steer the conversation away from such a touchy subject. "I mean besides your school becoming the target of dangerous magical creatures from Equestria," She added on almost as if an afterthought.
"Yeah," Rainbow human stated with a drawn out tone, almost like she was trying to get us psyched for a huge reveal, "So...that isn't exactly the only strange thing that's happened since you left," she ended this statement by digging around in her bag, dragging out her phone and almost instantly barraging us with a video clip.
It started off innocently enough, just Rainbow blowhard having roped someone else into shooting a clip of her while she played her guitar. This quickly changed, as magical sparklies surrounded her, slowly lifting her from the ground as her hair grew, wings sprung from her back, and two definitively pony looking ears crept out of her hair on top.
"Pretty sweet, huh?" She asked smugly, seeing the looks on our faces, "Happens to all of us when we play!" she ended by putting her feet up on the table, getting dangerously close to exposing her athletic shorts under her skirt to the world.
"Did you edit that?" I asked, leaning forward to get a better look. "I mean, obviously you edited it a little, seeing as you have like four different cuts from different angles, so I have to imagine you just overlaid the original sound over the new stuff, but the glowing thing. Does magic actually work over here?" I asked, turning my head to look back at Twilight.
"Yes, actually," Twilight said, taking in a deep breath as she prepared to break into 'lecture mode'. "We utilized the magic of friendship when I was here last time. My crown was returned to Equestria, but some of its magic must have remained here at Canterlot High," she mused.
And yes. I did realize my blunder with assuming that she was talking about a school, in Canterlot. But an alternate world where Canterlot is apparently a highschool? Still pretty dumb. As for assuming that the entire city was called 'Canterlot High', I can't really blame her for that one. I used to identify the town I was in, and like four other towns nearby all as the same place for quite a while. Confused the hell out of people.
"So... magic can be used here?" I asked, holding my hand up in front of me as I tried to summon some sparklies. Yeah, I know. I could do it easier if I had a unicorn horn. I know. I just didn't want to freak anyone out if my morphing did still work over here, and while it strained me more I should still be able to get out a couple sparks.
"Now that we're all back together," Twilight continued, ignoring my comment, "We can use that magic on the sighrens!"
I paid her little attention, instead focusing on my hands. Come on, I just had a handle on it... right there... and push... outwards...
"No offense," I heard Twilight say as I pushed a spark of magic out of my hand.
"What?" I snapped, returning my concentration to the conversation, my lapse in control shooting a gout of magic sparkles out of my hands all over the table.
"Oooooh, sparkly~" Pinkie Pie cooed as they faded into nothingness. Both Twilight and Bacon Hair had a look on their faces like I just revealed myself to be Princess Celestia in disguise, while the rest just looked like they had a case of mild surprise.
"Mine," I muttered, sliding my hands out of her reach and placing them in my lap. I wouldn't have my hands get hijacked by TWO versions of her in the same freaking day.
"How the heck did you do that?" Rainbow Gets-In-Your-Space asked, her eyebrow quivering dangerously.
"Pushed it," I stated, not really denying her information yet at the same time not giving her much of anything to go on.
"You can use magic even when you aren't in a unicorn morph now?" Twilight asked incredulously. She then tried to duplicate my efforts. Sitting there, straining, trying to push her magic out of her hands as her face turned a deep crimson in her effort. With a titanic blast of air, she let out a breath she had been holding, gulping down additional deep breathes as her arms slumped at her sides.
"Disregarding Twilights freak out," Applejack stated, leaning over the back of her chair to better look at me, "What the hey is a 'morph', an' what exactly does Twi mean by 'in a unicorn morph'?" She asked.
"Oh," I muttered. "Well, as 'Twi' forgot to mention, I was originally a human and somehow got stranded in Equestria," I shot Twilight an accusing glance, she had managed to just avoid a pretty important topic. "I gained an ability to transform into anyone I touch," I waved a hand in front of my face, watching as Fluttershy and Rainbow Dumbass both recoiled. No one else seemed to think much of it. "There's a more complicated explanation regarding DNA, nanomachines, and other stuff, but that's the basics. I have a morph of Twilight that gives me her basic DNA form, that of a unicorn instead of an alicorn."
"Wait, doesn't that mean you turn into a giiiirl?~" Pinkie Pie purred out creepily.
"Hey, yeah!" Rainbow called out, drawing a few glances from the other people in the shop.
"Yeah. What of it?" I stated in a bland tone, staring Rainbow Dash down until she looked away.
"But aint that weird?" Applejack questioned.
"Can... you turn into a bunny?" Fluttershy asked hesitantly. She gained a look from her friends, "I... I think it would be nice to turn into a bunny..."
"Only you, Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash joked.
"Wait a plumb tuckin minute," Applejack groused, "So yer sayin that not only are ya a human, like us, but yall've been stuck in equestrian? Well, problem solved then, welcome home!" she stated with a self satisfied snort.
"Do you live anywhere nearby?" Shammy shim shim something or other Mc Bacon Hair asked. "Heck, you might not even be from this state..."
"Ever hear of a state called Washington?" I asked, scratching at my ear. At their bland looks of confusion, I continued, "Country called America?"
"Do you mean Mareica?" Pinkie Pie asked with a wide smile. "That's where we are!"
Authors Notes I'm sorry. I had to. Bad puns are my kryptonite.
"No. Although I probably should have just led with the fact that I know this isn't my world, due to all the various skin colors," I said, watching as the confusion on their faces deepened.
"Wades skin color is more similar to Big Macintoshes," Twilight clarified, freeing me from having to continuously explain myself. "As he's told me, pretty much everypony-"
"Everyone," I interjected, getting an exasperated look from Twilight.
"Everone," she parroted back at me, "has pretty much the same skin tone, with varying differences in darkness and other factors."
"But he's green," Rainbow dumbass pointed out.
Not for any longer. I started my morph back to normal, hoping beyond hope that it would actually work. Anything to shut her up, and I'd take 'shocked silence' over a lot of things. I pictured what I should look like in my head, placing that image side by side with my much greener self, almost looking like a cartoonish representation by comparison. Thankfully I could feel my body stretching, my greenish skin slowly softening back to a pasty 'white' before my eyes. Something was wrong though, as I returned to my previous stature -only a little bit bigger, I was at least as tall as Rainbow now- I could feel a constricting tightness encircling my limbs.
I wiggled in place, discovering the source of my discomfort. It was my clothes. When I had gone through the portal they had been changed along with me, shrinking to almost tightly fit my new body. As it was, now they were simply TOO tight. My shirt was dangerously close to becoming a belly shirt, and I swear I could hear the fabric straining with every twitch I made.
"Dang. Is your head smaller?"
Thanks Dash. I... I really needed that bit of commentary.
"No, now its normal sized," I retorted. My shirt collar was tight against my throat, I was going to have to morph again if I wanted to continue breathing.
"That was dumb looking," Rainbow Dumbass commented idly, as Rarity high tailed it for the restroom. I guess it was more than her stomach could take.
"Hmmmmmmm," Twilight hummed to herself, looking down at her hands and apparently trying to summon magic like I had.
"Was plumb disgustin', if you don't mind me sayin'," Applejack muttered, placing her half finished milkshake on the table in front of her.
"No offense taken," I replied, trying to dig a finger inbetween my collar and my neck.
"It was like squish! Skaaaaaaal. Willllilllilllilly. Blorp," Pinkie Pie exclaimed, ending on an unsure note. "Ooh! Can you be meeee?~" she asked in an excited daze.
Everyone around the table -sans Rarity, who at this point was still absent- gave a massive flinch.
"Eh, not to say nothin' badly 'gainst ya Pinkie," Applejack started, tipping her hat back, "But jes one o' ya is hard enough ta keep track of. Sides, nothing could possibly copy you," she hurriedly added on, probably to try and not sound like she was insulting her.
"Awwww," Pinkie Pie pouted.
"How exactly do your powers work?" Sunset asked thoughtfully.
I continued my war of attrition with my collar, eventually giving up to respond, "Short version. I touch someone, I keep that touch going for about half a minute, then I have their DNA inside me. I can then....raaagggggggggggggg," I groaned, actively trying to rip the shirt collar now, "Then... use that at any time past that to turn my form... into... gggggggggggggg."
I finally caved, my hands falling to my sides. Whatever the hell Rarity had done, she had made it nigh unrippable. Oh hey. Demonstration, plus momentary relief. I quickly placed a fingertip on the back of both Applejacks and Rainbow Dash's hands, seeing as they were the closest to me. Well, I guess Fluttershy was closer, but I already had her DNA. Well, their pony DNA. Wait, thinking of that, I technically had Applejacks too. A mixed version of it, but still... Oh well.
"What are you-" Applejack stuttered, before the trance took over.
"Hey, get your paws... offa... meeeeeeee," Rainbow Dash drawled, a line of drool escaping the corner of her mouth. Yes! Two for two, and they both got tranced. Today was my lucky day. I was probably going to get flak for taking without asking, but I was slowly being choked into unconsciousness over here.
"Are they all right?" Fluttershy asked, waving a hand in front of Rainbow Dumbass's face.
"They're fine," Spike answered, biting into his cookie. "Wade has one of me, it's completely safe. Plus it makes you feel really relaxed during..."
"A touch based osmosis type spell?" Sunset Shammy Sho Sho asked, her hand on her chin. Twilight basically wasn't paying attention at this point, concentrating on her outstretched hands.
"Kinda? Sorta? Maybe? Add some sort of 'transformation' modifier in there and you'll probably be close to whatever Twilight eventually decides to call it," I muttered, concentrating on the two in front of me.
The acquiring phase behind me, I could see them slowly breaking free of their dazed expressions. I was literally feeling faint and seeing spots at this point, so I had to morph then and there or risk fainting in front of a bunch of girls. How embarrassing.
I concentrated on the both of them, slowly raising my hands and placing them in front of me on the table. It happened a lot slower than my transition back to my normal form, which in fact now that I was thinking about it only took me maybe about twenty seconds. Much faster than it should have taken.
As it was, I felt my collar slowly loosen from around my neck, and my clothes in general got a whole lot looser. not 'slip off my body' looser, but definitely enough to have room to breath. My hair slowly crept forth from my scalp, slowly covering my vision with an assortment of colors.
When all was said and done ,I was finally able to breath again. Thinking back, I could have probably just gone back to my green skinned form. What can I say, I was halfway panicking, I just wasn't thinking clearly with my lack of air.
"Blaaaaaaaaaa," I droned out, sweeping the mass of hair out from in front of my eyes with a noticeably daintier hand. It was an odd mix of the both of them, with Rainbow Dash's main multicolored style but all the yellow was Applejacks comparatively mellower shade. Looking behind me, a long ponytail went all the way down my back, a long plump clump of yellow hair that had a jagged bolt of blue racing through it.
My skin actually matched Applejacks skin color, surprisingly. I would have assumed I would get a deeper sort of orange or something. What the hell do you get when you add cyan to light tannish orange brown?
"Why do you have so much freaking hair?" I muttered, trying to get it all to stay behind my head. Unsuccessfully.
I waited for a response, and didn't get one. Finally getting my hair to sorta swoop over the top of my head, I finally got a look at everyones reactions. Dazed druggy confusion from my two donatees, both looking at me like I was trying to trick them. Pinkie Pie was worriedly wearing an expression of oblivious glee, silently bouncing in her seat in a jittery rush. Twilight... Was still trying to get her magic to work. Her face had actually developed a reddish tinge in her strain, one of us was going to have to break her out of it. Sunset sat on her couch arm, a look of impressed attention plastered on her face.
I couldn't really see Fluttershy. She was sitting right next to me and... damn this stupid hair. Every errant twitch makes this unruly mess dance every which way. Must be why Rainbow Dash keeps hers relatively short. Or why Applejack keeps hers back in a ponytail. Nyeeeeeeeegh, stay out of my eyes you stupid hair...
"Anyone have a spare scrunchie?" I joked, trying to break the silence. "I am on the verge of being swallowed up by all this freaking hair," I added.
I felt a small circlet of fabric being pressed into my right hand. Probably from Fluttershy, which was kinda weird seeing as I don't remember her wearing one. I mean, I think I saw her wearing a hairclip... That just furthered my confusion. The only other person off that direction was Sunset something, and I don't remember seeing her with one either. Whatever, maybe just all girls carried at least one?
I wrestled with the mass of hair, slowly reaching a point where I could squeeze the hair band thingy around it. Thank god, finally my vision was free, even though I now felt like I was trying to pull my skin off with the hair. Tight. My hair was never long enough to put in a ponytail before. I'm kinda thankful for that.
"Thanks... whoever gave me that," I muttered, glaring at a bang that escaped the cage of its brethren.
"Aaagh! I don't know how you managed that, but I don't think it's going to work for me," Twilight stated in a huff. "At least you can't do anything that would draw an undue amount of attention."
"Thaaaaaaat ship kinda sailed a while ago, Twilight," Pinkie Pie tittered, having gotten yet another shake. This one was chocolate.
Twilight snapped her gaze over to me, a bare amount of confusion as she tried to look past me. As if I was hiding behind myself or something.
"Yeah. I morphed," I admitted. "A fair display of change blindness, no one seems to have even noticed," I reasoned.
"Why didn't you just go back to your other form?" She asked.
"Nyefffffrumblim." I mumbled, averting my eyes to stare down into my glass.
"Okay then. Back to business, we should be able to easily defeat the sighrens with our magic if we just stick together... hey, where's Rarity?"
"Bathroom," Rainbow Dash blunt stated. "Those stupid sighrens aren't even going to know what hit 'em!"
She then did an over the top exaggerated display of 'martial art-ness' 'flippy-ness' in my general vicinity, which in turn ended with her laying one smack into my jaw.
These girls, I swear.
Everyone here was kinda... antisocial. Even more so than I remember my highschool being. I had long since abandoned my Rainpple...Appledash... good god that sounds just as stupid... My combined morph of Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Yeah. I'll just stick with saying that. Anyway, I was back to my green self, standing around in a cafeteria gym room thing at the school, where there was definitely an underlying tone of hostility permeating the room. I even saw this surfer looking guy almost punch this short kid.
After which he immediately ran smack dab into Twilight. Like, full on contact, I know teachers that would have claimed they were trying to have sex on school grounds from something like that. Of course, almost all the teachers at my school had been weird like that.
"Ahhh, bumped, into.... always, doing!" she stuttered in an embarrassed tone as he helped her back to her feet.
"Such a girl!" I stated in a loud whisper, walking away before she could retaliate. I wanted more punch.
"Who was that?" I heard whoever that was Twilight as I walked away. I didn't hear her response.
I got to the snack table just as Pinkie Pie was leaving, stuffing a crappton of cookies into her hair in her haste.
"That's not sanitary!" I hissed at her, watching as one cookie fell to the ground. "And that's how you get ants," I muttered, repeating a line from a tv show I had once heard.
I meandered around, actively trying to ignore everyone else. It seemed everyone who was talking was just arguing. I didn't want to go through that sort of hassle, if everyone wanted to be belligerent, let them do it towards each other. I'll be perfectly safe over here in my corner, looking at the posters on the walls...
"Taco Tuesday, huh?" I muttered to myself, reading one such poster proudly declaring it as an event. "Too bad, think I'm a bit late for that..."
"I know, right?" a voice asked from beside me. And lo and behold, it didn't actually sound antagonistic. Kinda chipper. Not quite Pinkie Pie levels, but a mighty leap and bound above all the sourpusses in here. "They were really good though, and they had all sorts of different stuff you could put in your taco, it was reeeeeeeeeeeally good," she trailed off, audibly drooling. Bet you didn't know something like that was something you could hear. Guess what, I didn't think you'd be able to hear it either.
Turning to identify the voice revealed it to belong to- wait for it. Are you waiting? In a school where there are a shitton of students, more females than males- a female student. I assume. They could just be crashing the party like I was basically doing, but that was highly unlikely. The only other ones doing that would be the sighrens, and this girl was definitely too damned nice to be an ancient devil serpent thing.
I think I'd know.
"Well, all the much more my loss," I stated, faking a shrug of my shoulders to go along with an equally fake sigh. "As long as one of us was able to enjoy it."
I wasn't flirting with a girl ten years younger than me. Shut up, I'm not! I was just happy to talk to someone new, that wasn't all mopey and angry looking like the rest of the people in the room.
"My names Wade," I said, offering a hand for a handshake. She looked at my hand for a few seconds before grasping it in her own.
"Sonata!" she cheerfully chirped. "Sonata Dusk!"
Such a pleasant moment was cut short, two other girls joining us. Her. Mostly her.
"Looks like Sonata made a little friend," the one with two pigtails stated snidely
"Run along, run along, go, mingle while we talk to our sister," the other -a girl with a truly MASSIVE clump of orange hair sprouting from her head, from where I was standing it looked super floofy- stated in a tone I could almost classify as... I don't know. Threatening? I didn't feel comfortable, that much was for sure.
"Uh... kay. Was nice meeting you," I ground out, giving Sonata a smile. I turned around, getting more fruit punch.
"OOOh, do you like the fruit punch?" Sonata asked from behind me, much to her sisters obvious chagrin. I Don't know what the hell their problem was, but they obviously didn't like me.
"Er, yeah," I said, "Perfect ratio. Usually people put too much grape juice. This though... it's really good."
A smile alit across her face, combatting the frowns that were going across her sisters.
"Yes, good, now go away," Pigtails hissed, shooing me with an outstretched hand.
I walked off, miffed about not being able to speak to someone nice anymore. All of Twilights friends were 'keeping radio silence', trying to keep an eye out for the big bad evils of the week.
Blegh. What the hell was Twilight doing now? She had gathered her human doubles of her friends, standing in the center of the auditorium.
Oh... Oh god no. It looked like she was about to...
"There isn't going to be a battle of the bands!" she called out, her voice reaching the length of the entire room. I winced, mentally drawing in on myself. Please tell me she wasn't... "We're gonna make sure of that," she said, matter of factly.
And now they were... holding hands... "Friendship... is... magiiiic!" she called out as she and her friends closed their eyes. To no obvious effect.
"Oh god," I muttered to myself, turning and burying my forehead in my palm, "I can't believe she went and did that. What did she think was going to happen? For magic or something to burst out of the ground and do something? Good god I feel so bad for her..."
Silence reigned around the room, and I could swear I even heard a few coughs.
I crept ever closer to the exit, as long as no one saw me I wouldn't be drawn into such an embarrassing scene.
"-if the Great, and Powerful, Triiiiixie has anything to with it!" some random girl across the room called out. Damnit, looks like I missed something. Again.
Insinuations and insults flew across the gathering room space, filling what once had been silent with tones of dissent. At least I didn't have to worry about anyone focusing on me. Twilight and her friends hurriedly made their way towards the exit, meeting both me and Sunset Shimmer halfway there.
Yes, I asked her what her last name was again. What do you take me for, some sort of jerk?
Apparently. That girl? The one I was absolutely sure couldn't be an ancient fish lady of old timey doom and stuff? The really nice one whose sisters were kinda rude with ridiculously poofy hair?
Well color me embarrassed. Those three were exactly who I was supposed to be looking out for. And then overlooked and made friends with. Sort of. One of them, anyway. Or did I? Was she just silently laughing at me as I blundered along?
"-is by playing a musical counterspell!" Twilight declared loudly, drawing my attention. The 'gang' had pretty much all sat down on the front steps of the school, looking right at the portal statue thing that had a giant marble horse on top of it. Subtle.
"You mean, like a song?" Fluttershy asked tentatively, brushing her hair out of her eyes.
"Uh-huh," Twilight replied, falling back onto her default of 'hold hands like hooves' as she continued. "And in order to free everyone who's been exposed-"
Aaaaaand I lost interest. Magical gobblydook. I sure as heck wasn't going to be much help unless turning into a rat or a pony was somehow going to 'magically' confuse them or something. I really should test out if I could still go pony, actually. Go pony. God... no. No, Wade, just no. You ever think that specific combination of words again and I'll crawl in there and punch you in the face. Morph into a pony. There. I'll use that wording. Now I feel less like digging through my eyeballs to carve out sections of my brain.
Regardless, I could hardly see how I was going to be much help in all of this. Especially if they were going to start singing at them. I couldn't pass that option off as one that absolutely wouldn't work due to the video Rainbow Dash had flashed of her... 'becoming empowered' while playing a guitar solo. There was obviously magic at play. And heart-song was definitely a devious little jerk that could potentially be used. Not around me, that incident of me belting out 'singing in the rain' in another Displaceds' Equestria is something I am never going to be repeating again if I can help it.
My voice sounds horrible. I hate it when I try to sing. Which is why I don't sing in public anymore. In the privacy of ones own house, maybe. Being forced to sing out in the middle of a bustling city street in the middle of a drizzle by some sort of pervasive magic force? Screw that world. Never going back. It's near the top of my shit list, the top being Donkey Kong. So there's that.
A flurry of excited giggles and whoops rang out, the majority of the group getting off their butts and circling around Twilight. I missed something again. They all looked happy, but Sunset looked like someone just shot her dog in front of her. Momentarily. As soon as she noticed me staring the expression was gone, hidden behind a fake smile.
"So, what do you want to play?" Pinkie asked, pulling out a bevy of instruments from seemingly nowhere. "Theremin?" she finished, waving her hand over a table looking thing as it let out a mysterious tangle of sound. "Soooo magical," she cooed.
"I might take a little too long to play something with these," Twilight stated, wiggling her fingers before returning her hands to their 'hooves' position. Weird. Was she doing that on purpose, or was it just natural for her to hold her hands like that? "I'll just sing... what about you Wade?" she asked, directing their attention to me.
"What?" I so eloquently formed, trying to form my response. "Oh, no. No no no no. No thanks. I'll just watch. I don't sing."
"What about-" Pinkie started, before I was thankfully able to cut her off. Thank god.
"I used to play the trumpet back in middle school," I admitted sheepishly, a wave of heat rushing to my face, "but I honestly have no desire to pick up and play anything again. It would just take too long to get used to after all this time, you know?" I reasoned, which seemed to placate them. Sorta. Pinkie kept looking me over and mouthing the word 'trumpet'. Like she was going to silently osmose me into playing it or something.
They seemed to resolve that part of the conversation off pretty well, with a slight bit of animosity I could see between Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Who cares whose band it is, really?
"-It's only temporary," Twilight assured Rainbow over her displaced position of 'lead singer', "and we don't have to win the battle of the bands, we just have to perform during the first round of the competition," she ended confidently.
"So lets get to learning that musical counterspell!" Rainbow Dash proclaimed, pumping a closed fist in determination.
"Well that's just it," Twilight admitted sheepishly, "I don't know any."
Well shoot. Blind leading the blind here, ain't it? I might as well get on it and tutor Spike regarding how to properly use magic. Yeah right. Shit, Twilight just seemed to dig holes for herself regardless of what version of her I was dealing with.
A collective groan of disappointment ripped its way through the group, before Twilight did her best to placate them. "But I'm sure I could figure out how to write one," she assured us.
"Totally," Spike agreed, piping up to give her a reassuring pat on the ankle. "Twilight can write a spell like nobodies business. That's pretty much how she got to become a princess in Equestria."
"Technically I helped finish a spell," Twilight argued, "and there was a little more to it than that, Spike."
"Yeah, whatever," he said dismissively, giving her a big doggy grin.
"I've got this. C'mon," she stated, picking up Twilight and moving toward the school steps.
Before she got too far, Applejack called after her, "Where're you goin'?"
Twilight turned back, already half up the first stair. "Well last night we were here, Spike and I spent the night in the library."
I actually let loose a loud chuckle at that. When I realized I had once more attracted attention to myself, I tried to explain. "Just... that's so Twilight. Portals open, she could have just headed back through and slept in her own bed, but decides to bum it in a library."
That got another sheepish grin from Twilight, causing a wave of giggles to roll through the group.
"Well you don't have to do that this time, we're besties now. Slumber party at my house!" she squealed, wrapping Twilight up in a tight hug that nearly crushed Spike in between them. I don't think he minded that much.
"And where are you goin'?" Applejack repeated, stopping me in my tracks a foot away from the portal.
"Uh," I oh so eloquently responded once more. "Back? I guess? If Twilights gonna party with you guys... well I'd rather just spend the night in my own bed. I'm sure she managed to find a couple gym mats or something that made a suitable bed for herself-"
"Actually, we made a bed out of books," Spike cut in.
I goggled at him for a few seconds. There wasn't any possible way he was serious. Even Twilight wouldn't be silly enough to spend her night on... wait, who am I kidding? Of course she would.
"Of course she would," I muttered, fighting to keep the smile off of my face. "Well myself on the other hand, I think I'd rather sleep in an actual bed. Welp, toodles!" I once more tried to make my way through the portal, only for my forward motion to be halted once more. This time by a certain pink tinged hand wrapped around my own. Following the arm up to its owner, I could see that Pinkie Pie actually looked kinda hurt by my words.
"Don't you want to come and have some fun?" She asked earnestly, refusing to let go.
"I..." I stopped, trying to figure out if she was joking or not. By the expression on her face, it was more not than anything else. "Er... you do have parents, don't you?" I asked.
She nodded, so I continued. "You can't seriously have me believe that any father would just go ahead and let some random boy he doesn't know not only come over unannounced, but to spend the night as well?" I asked incredulously.
Her face fell even more, realizing the truth of my words.
"Oh... yeah. My folks are also kinda... old fashioned."
Well there you go, now I can just go home and come back in the morning.
"Oh!" she let out, and I could almost see the lightbulb go off above her head. "Why don't you do the morphy thing, the cross fusion thing you did with AJ and Dashy?" she asked hopefully.
Gah, time to nip that in the bud. "Sorry, but that's a no go," I tried to think up a specific reason why to base my assertions behind. "Your parents would still probably think a girl wearing clothes made for a guy was weird. Add to that the fact that I don't really like that form all that much due to the excess of hair. It's super annoying."
They seemed to buy that for a few seconds, a huff of disappointment cycling its way through the group. Twilights face worryingly lit up, though.
"What about that one morph of yours?" she asked, forcing me to suppress a wince. What morph was she asking about? "The human sorta 'crystal gem' one you told me about? What about her?"
Ha! I could easily shut her down if that was the best could bring to the table.
"Wouldn't work. I get that trying to discern age between different humans might be a bit difficult for you at this point due to not seeing very many of us, but Pearl looks like she's in her late twenties. Anyone with eyes that only half functioned would be able to tell something was up."
Her smile fell once more, signalling my eminent success. Then she got that look in her eye. That one look that meant she had an idea. That one look that so many different Twilights had right before they completely unraveled my carefully laid counter-arguments.
"Can you at least try it, real quick?" she asked, looking at me with a hopeful sideways glance.
"Fine," I muttered, triggering the morph. My skin slowly slid across itself, my bones compacting inwards as they melted slowly. My scalp crawled as my hair grew and shortened itself at irregular intervals, finally replacing what had been short brown messiness with a short blonde coif. My clothes had morphed as well, reforming into the same set that my 'Pearl' morph had worn before. Why she got her own personal set of clothes made no sense. I'd have to look into that as well. I guess that answered the 'can I morph from one morph directly to another without changing back to my base form' question. Or maybe the teenage variant counted as another base form while I was over here? Really should experiment with all this stuff.
A sharp gasp of excitement punctuated the air, forcing me to open my eyes to focus on the person now invading my personal space. For once, it WASN'T Pinkie Pie. No, this time the honor went solely to Rarity. She was gleefully poring over my 'new' outfit, even going so far as to pull up my sash to look more closely at it. During all of this, Applejack adopted a thoughtful look.
"Yeah, I can see what he was sayin'," she noted, nodding as she did so. "She don' look any younger than twenty, no way Mrs. or Mr. Pie won't be askin' questions."
"That and she has a rock for an eye," Rainbow Dash proclaimed.
"Wait, I can work with this, just see if this works, k Wade?" Twilight asked, waiting for me to give her a tentative nod. With that she gave me a short smile, and a rough shove.
I windmilled my arms as I fell backwards, trying to catch myself on something. My efforts were in vain, and I slipped backwards into the portal.
This was boring. It was soooooo boring. She should have just let them come with her, and especially Rainbow Dash! She could handle anything that weirdo world could throw at her, even another pony that looked like her, but human! She probably wasn't as fast as her, but really, how could anypony be faster than Rainbow Dash? Even another Rainbow Dash couldn't possibly stand up to the original!
Still. There had to be better things to do than just sitting here, bored out of her mind as she every so occasionally looked over at the still active portal.
Suddenly, activity!
A messy bundle of tangled limbs tumbled from the portal, coming to a stop a few hooves away from the glowing doorway. The pony appeared to be a mare, green with a blonde mane, wearing some sort of frou frou dress. Almost like something Rarity would make. And then force her to stand still and model for her for hours at a time, there was no greater torture.
"Hay," Rainbow Dash prompted, helping the floundering mare to her hooves. "Who're you?" she asked bluntly, noting with interest that one of her eyes appeared to be made out of a jewel. Maybe she was a human that had stumbled their way through the portal. Twilight said that she became a human when she went over there, maybe the humans became ponies when they came over here? Twilight would probably want her to just shunt the human back on through, but there was no reason she couldn't try to get a measure of her before she left.
"Wade," the mare muttered, massaging her forehead with one of her hooves. She then stopped, looking at her hoof in interest. Rainbow adopted her own look of surprise, Wade never told them he had a pony formph that looked like this.
"Why're you wearing a dress?" Rainbow asked, trying to fight the laughter back.
"I wasn't," he replied testily. "I don't get why the... oh. Oooooh, so thats why she..." he trailed off, muttering under his breath as he stared off at nothing.
Rainbow hated when ponies exempted her from a conversation, even more so when the pony in question was just having a conversation with himself. Or would that be 'her'self, now? Rainbow fought back a wry grin, preferring to just insert herself back into the silent conversation the human turned mare was having with himself.
"Hay! What do you mean, 'oh'? Oh what? Come on, tell me what the heck you're mumbling about..."
He looked surprised by her outburst, a properly chastised expression gracing his feminine muzzle. "Oh, sorry. Just working it out. Pretty sure Twilight shoved me through to test out a theory, based off of my different forms."
Rainbow nodded, prompting him to continue. It was easy enough to follow so far. Unlike Twilight, Wade had a tendency to not overcomplicate a sentence with stupidly long words. He just said everything like it was. Which was nice.
"So the general assumption is that anything going through the portal to over there gets tweenified, and apparently," he made a sweeping gesture of himself, "anything that comes through to your side gets the 'colorful pony' treatment. I bet Twilights hoping that I can augment my existing forms to give me more of them."
Rainbow nodded. Sounded like something Twilight would do.
"Do I really want to go back though?" he murmured, looking back at the portal. "It's just gonna be awkward and weird... If I stay I can sleep in my own bed... Oh hay," he suddenly started, turning to address Rainbow. "Twilight apparently needs to create some sort of magic counterspell thingy. With song. Don't ask, I haven't the slightest. Can you ask around town or something, see if someone knows anything about counterspell songs?"
Rainbow gave him a snappy salute. "You can count on me, Rainbow Dash is on the case!"
"Uh... okay. Good, I guess. I think I'm gonna head back now, see ya later," he stated abruptly, turning and jumping back through the portal.
"What a weirdo," Rainbow laughed, standing vigilant in front of the portal once more. She'd tell the others about Twilight needing them to go find the song counter or whatever it was Wade had said. Till then, she'd stand guard, and send back anypony else who managed to find their way through the portal.
Within five minutes, the tremultuous sounds of her snores filled the chamber, the rainbow tinged pegasus dead to the world. At least she was comfortable.
I popped back through the other side, the light searing my eyes briefly. Twilight should have put the portal in a better lit room. As it was, my eyes had adjusted too darned quickly to the dimly lit space.
"It worked!" I heard Twilight crow as I continued to blink the glittering motes of light from my vision.
"Well I'll be," Applejack agreed, "I'll be honest, I didn't rightly know what you were tryin' to do, but I gettchu now."
"That really is uncanny," Rarity added her own two bits, momentarily touching my face supposedly to position it to better see . Needless to say, I quickly batted her hand away. Lightly of course. She looked appropriately mortified as I did so, realizing that she had overstepped her bounds.
"Sorry darling, but to see the years literally vanish from one second to the next, it really does leave a girl quite jealous."
"Only you would focus on something like that Rarity," Rainbow sniped, grinning once she saw she had gotten Rarity with her jibe.
"Is it really that different?" Spike asked, looking up at me in confusion. "Looks the same to me."
"Trust me Spike," Sunset piped in, "The difference is night and day. So is that all settled then? Can we go?"
"Two hips and a hooooo-" Pinkie stopped, jackknifing so excessively that she almost looked folded in half. That she was technically facing away from me, while also looking me right in the eyes was kinda disquieting. She kept waiting, leading me to believe she wanted me to finish her sentence.
The silence grew ever deeper between all of us, the others expecting me to play along.
Fine. If I had to.
"Raaaaaaaaaaa-dio," I finished, meting out my own personal level of defiance.
"Hip hip hooradio!" Pinkie trumpeted out, bouncing away as she pirouetted. Complete with bouncy sounds. I have no idea how she did that.
So apparently Applejack owned a van, complete with her own licenses. You can get one at the ripe old age of fourteen over here. Huh. Hope they were safer since they started earlier.She made her rounds, stopping at pretty much everyones house to gather up sleepwear and sleeping bags, along with laptops and surprisingly enough slippers. A pair of slippers for everyone. Kinda weird.
Pinkies house looked... relatively normal. Normal suburban street. Normal assortment of houses. The weirdest part about it was that the front yard looked immaculate. Like, professional grade. Giant rock surrounded by assorted plants. Really pretty.
"And this is my mom!" Pinkie crowed, introducing said lady to Twilight. The prim looking lady matched her husband to a tee, both of them with old fashioned haircuts, wearing clothes that looked like they had just walked straight out of the 50's.
"So this is that Twilight girl you've been telling us about?" her mom asked in a clipped, but pleasant tone. She peered over the top of her half moon glasses, taking in our appearances in turn. She only gave Sunset and the rest of the girls a cursory nod, apparently she had already met her before.
"Yeppers!" Pinkie enthusiastically replied, "And this is Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-" she froze, looking back at me. "-aaaaaaay out there Weiss?" she ended, giving me an apologetic look. "She lives way out there. She's visiting with Twilight, they're shacking up with Sunset for the next few days, I was wondering if they could also spend the night?" She ended hopefully.
Hmm. Okay, so I guess 'Wade' isn't exactly the most 'girl-like' name, but why make me respond to a completely new one? Dang it, now I was gonna have to dedicate that much more brain power to reacting to a name not my own.
Her mom momentarily froze upon seeing my face, "Your... eye," she stuttered, her eyes drawn to the chunk of rock jutting out from my face. Great idea Twilight, this morph was probably even more noticeable than just a simple gap of age. It was the same morph really, but still. Should have just morphed Twilight, tried to pass myself off as her sister or something. Actually made me wonder, what would my flutterbat morph look like? Would it look almost exactly like this worlds Fluttershy, or would it end up looking nothing like her? Slightly shifted, maybe?
"It's prosthetic," I quickly stated, pointing up at my eye. "So my skull doesn't sag inwards due to the space being hollow." I knew some stuff. Weird, random stuff that didn't really come up in regular life, but I'd be crazy to call this 'regular'.
"Oh," she hummed, obviously uncomfortable about that line of thought. "And your nails?" she asked, drawing my attention to a feature I myself had forgotten about.
"Press ons," I lied, holding up one of my hands so the emerald nails caught the light momentarily. "Wanted to match the eye."
She nodded at that, humming slightly. "Weiss, was it?" she asked, tilting her head slightly. I nodded in confirmation to Pinkies made up name, "Hmm. More gruner than weiss though, aren't you?" she joked, the faint traces of a smile poking at the edge of her lips.
"I... guess?" I replied. The hell was a gruner, and how did that relate to a weiss?
"Hmmm, yes, quite," she tutted.
"Ooh ooh ooh come on, I gotta show you both my room!" Pinkie said excitedly. Twilight and me both found ourselves pulled along in a near iron grasp, one of us slightly less willing than the other. I know I should have just stayed on the other side of the portal.
The rest of the night followed swiftly, Pinkie showing us around and getting us situated. At one point I got shepherded out of the room, a loose fitting top and bottoms pushed into my hands.
Both were cotton, yellow tinged with decals of pink butterflies dotted here and there. I guess she wanted me to wear them? I think they might have been Fluttershys. I mean, they did fit her color scheme and her mark. Maybe they got left here one time?
I wasn't about to change in the middle of the hall, neither was I going to barge back into the room while they were changing or ask for the rest of them to leave during that time. God, girls -read, teenagers- are just so much more difficult to deal with than a reliable guy friend. With a guy, changing is a quick affair where you just shuck your jeans and slide on a pair of sweats. No awkward staring, no awkward stretches of time where you have to wait for the other guy to put their hair up 'just right' so that it doesn't get mussed up when they put on or take their shirt off... just... It wasn't... it didn't feel like such a hassle.
Bathroom was empty. Small one too, only had a standing shower and a half sink. Not even a towel cupboard. I probably missed the big one. Or maybe this was just the mid room bathroom. It didn't look like Pinkies room had an attached bathroom, anyway.
It was here I found out something novel about this morph. The clothes it came with weren't exactly... removable. That is to say they fit like normal clothes, but trying to slide my fingers under one of the edges showed me that in fact, there were no edges to slide under. The clothes were basically a second fabricated skin. Poking around, to the best of my knowledge, I didn't have privates in this form. No nipples anyway, and definitely nothing downstairs. Not even anything... 'facing inwards'. How the heck was this form supposed to go to the bathroom? Did it just... not? Whatever.
I finished up in the bathroom, the ends of my sash poking out of the waistband. The 'clothes'/skin bunched up under the pajamas -regardless of how skintight it originally seemed, they seemed quite content in bunching up under the pajamas-, making them kinda uncomfortable. It was at that thought that they... shrunk. They retreated, growing smaller by the second. By the end, I was left with what could tenuously be considered a pair of boxer shorts, topped off by the seemingly irremovable sash. Up top just had a band of cloth covering what might have been naughty bits, if this morph had naughty bits in the first place.
The pajamas were a whole lot more comfortable now, though.
Returning to the bedroom saw that everyone else had gotten changed in my absence. Looking around immediately affirmed my assumptions that I was wearing a pair of Fluttershys pajamas. Further corroborated by the fact that the pair Twilight and Fluttershy were wearing were almost exactly the same as the pair I was wearing.
Same shade of yellow but with pink hearts for Twilight, while Fluttershys pair were a muted green with white winged butterflies. Besides that small distinction, all three were practically the same pair. Collars, cuffs and all. Guess she saw a style she liked, so she bought in bulk.
Rainbow Dashes' and Pinkie Pies' pajamas were actually fairly similar, despite how much they varied from each other. They both wore pajama shorts, Pinkies stopping just above the knee while Rainbows traveled about an inch beyond it. From there, Rainbow was wearing a normal t-shirt while Pinkie was wearing some sort of... nightgown half shirt thing. I dunno, I don't know anything about womens fashion, much less sleeping wear fashion.
Speaking of, Rarity was wearing a lacy bit of cloth that I almost felt embarrassed for looking at for the scant few seconds that I did. Blue and purple, with these white lace shoulder thingies. Didn't look all that durable, but again, what do I know about clothing?
Sunsets and Applejacks looked the most practical to me. Sunset was basically wearing some snug sweats while Applejack was actually wearing a onesie! Haven't seen one of those in years. It was worth the giggle. Weird thing was, even though she was all kitted out for sleepy time, she was STILL wearing the cowboy hat. There's got to be a time she takes it off... but when?
Rainbow was still wearing her armbands as well, which was just weird.
"Does any version of you ever take the hat off?" I joked, drawing Applejacks attention.
"Psshaw, for shame. This hat stays right with me, after all," she flashed me a wink, "how else would I cover up my horrible third arm iffin' I didn' have my trusty hat?"
A huge gasp emanated from Pinkie Pie, predating an almost blinding flash of pink as the pinkette swept Applejacks hat from her head. What followed was a disappointed sigh from the excitable pink girl, along with a grumbling Applejack retrieving her hat.
"But, if you had another arm, you could get one of those double neck bass guitars!" Pinkie argued, gesturing wildly "Then you'd be even more awesome!"
"With an arm," Applejack mimed, posturing with one of her arms stuck up behind her head, "Stickin' straight outta mah gourd? Don't care what you say Pinkie, that just sounds uncomfortable, no matter what."
I kinda lost track of the conversation from that point, the words flying around at near breakneck pace. Rainbow defending how and why a head arm would be awesome, Sunset playing devils advocate for as to why it would be awesome, but also putting forth suggestions for why it wouldn't. Pinkie arguing valiantly her original point while Applejack refuted it with every breath.
"Excuse me," came from the alabaster skinned version of Rarity. It was actually kinda weird seeing a human-like figure with skin that pale. Almost like a geisha, but I heavily doubt she spent much time changing her skin color in the morning. Somehow, coat colors just didn't look all that natural for skin, especially in this situation. "I don't mean to disturb you from..." she gestured at the debate still ongoing, "evening entertainment. I was just wondering, would you mind too terribly if I took a closer look at the clothes you were wearing? They just caught my eye earlier and I have not been able to stop thinking about them!" she gushed.
"Uh," I mumbled, hooking a finger in the shirt collar and pulling it down slightly. "Turns out the reason why this form comes with its own clothes is that... they aren't clothes. Just skin that looks like clothes. Sorta."
"My word..." she let out, eyes tracking the slight view I gave her of my shrunken shirt, before glancing behind me to look at the sash that still poked out the back of my shirt. "So... you can't take it off?"
"Take what off?" Rainbow Dash broke in, apparently bored of arguing the merits of head based limbs.
"The clothes she was wearing before-"
"He, please," I pleaded, cutting her off. "While I look female, I would prefer you not refer to me as such. While I may not have any such bits right now, I still do have a bit of an attachment to my male pride."
"Says the guy that looks girlier than 'I' do," grunted Rainbow.
"Do I have to make a crack about how 'that isn't very hard' or something along those lines?" I threw back, with just as much vitriol.
I got a few laughs out of the group, seems the head arms debate had fully died and switched to something slightly more interesting. Which just my luck, happened to be me.
I mean, girl can wear whatever the heck she wants, thats her perogative. She wants to wear armbands, she can darn well wear armbands. She wants to go ahead and put on a sombrerro, she can do that too. I'm just saying that as far as I'm aware, armbands aren't exactly normal sleepwear.
But again, me no know much about 'fashions' and 'stuff'.
"Why're you still wearing shoes?" Rainbow asked, being the first to notice my entrance, "Take 'em off!" she exclaimed exuberantly.
"Can't," I responded, trying to ignore the fact that ALL of them were firmly focused on me. Lucky me. "Turns out my clothes... aren't exactly 'clothes'," I shrugged, sitting down with my back against the wall. While the room was actually fairly large, it still was rather filled due to how many people had decided to stuff themselves into it. "They're more like a second skin thing that looks and acts like clothes, but isn't removable."
Unsurprisingly, my body took this exact moment to arbitrarily act on my internal thoughts. My shoes shrank before my eyes, eventually leaving me with thin ribbons that wrapped around my ankles. Why they didn't just bugger off entirely I didn't know.
"Ooooh, can you do a bit of a flourish with some lace?" Rarity cooed, before wilting under my no nonsense glare. More acurately I stared at her, and she realized I didn't know how to do whatever the heck she was talking about.
"Man, even your toenails are green? Thats hecka weird," Rainbow muttered, her observation petering off under the disaproving stares of her friends. Not my fault they were green. I didn't want them to be green. I'd like them to look like normal nails, but noooo, stupid cube powers, being all nonuser friendly.
"Seriously!" Applejack huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "For a girl who's somehow friends with nearly every athletics club, you sure have a bad sense o' how to make friends."
"To mock ones physical appearance is quite rude," Rarity added.
"Oh lay off," Rainbow whined, gesturing towards me, "she knows I didn't mean it like that."
Again everyones gaze turned towards me, waiting for my reply.
"Meh," I flatly stated, unwilling to devote energy to this than I already had. Green skin, green nails. Haha, lets all laugh at Wade. Whatever. Well, aside from one thing... "Also, 'he'. I won't ask for much, but I'd appreciate if you referred to me in male pronouns. Regardless of the skin I'm wearing."
At that last bit more than a couple faces got a little green. Not as green as mine, but still. Guess the idea of 'wearing someone elses skin' was enough to leave most people sick.
"It's just... odd," Sunset started, simultaniously drawing everyones attention off of me and allowing me to let out a breath I hadn't been knowingly holding. "The very idea of walking around as something else isn't anything new to me," she admitted, a wave of understanding nods bobbing around her, "but to walk around as an entirely different gender? Truth be told, I never quite learned that spell during my studies in Equestria."
Twilight nodded once again, straightening out into what was quickly apparently becoming her 'lecture mode' posture. "Typically, even a full grown unicorn with years of magical study behind them wouldn't have the magical power to perform a gender shift spell, let alone power it for any length of time. It's the kind of spell the princesses wouldn't have much trouble with..." at this her expression turned sheepish, as if finally remembering that she herself was one of those princesses. "Even with my relatively newly expanded magical reserves, I'd be slightly hesitant to try to maintain such a spell. It's not the type of spell to take lightly. Which is sad, seeing as the spell itself is rather useless. Why use a spell that is so magic intensive, and will only last for a few scant moments when modern medicine can impart the same effects, permanently? If somepony wanted to change their gender they could do so safely, and relatively easily with the help of any medical professional worth their salt."
