another alternate ending to rainbow factory well I guess my version.
note I have six characters and the sixth one is scootaloo ok
enjoy
Chapters (4)
Alicornpony1234
Joined 22nd Apr, 2013 ·
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well finished chapter 1
The grammar in this story is horrendous. You need an editor badly. The pacing is lightning fast. I can't feel the emotion of the story because you rushed through it so much. Rainbow Dash killed herself and I didn't care at all. I don't mean to be rude, but this looks like a second grader wrote it.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, especially because it's your first story and all. I hope you try harder next time.
I know its because im not good at writing im actually really really bad at writing
Don't let critics get to you. I'm pretty sure my stories are way more hated on.
i think I need a doctor
You know just to let you know that im not a writer im an artist. Heres my devaintart page.
http://alicornpony1234.deviantart.com/profile/#journal
wow.....this...sucks...
What with rainbow dash you going to hehehehaahaa helll and scoots you suck for still helping her idiot
You can't destroy the factory you dead you can make someone do it for you though because one fake story
pony hell she has to go there