You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on!

Stories about Adoption386 stories ·505 members

No matter the time

Tyler wants a new life. And one night he wished for a pair of wings. And he gets them. Transported to Equestria he gets turned into a little yellow filly and loses all of his memories.
Hes all alone in Equestria till he meets Rainbow Dash. Could she be his new adoptive mom?

Authors note:
Im not sure i will be continuing this story.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 3 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 3
- Newest First
- Oldest First

CometTail

CometTail #1 · May 1st, 2013 · · · losing my mermories ·

First, you need proper paragraphs. All I see is a giant wall of text, every time a new person speaks give it a new paragraph like this.
Then as I fell asleep she asked me “what’s you name kid?” I gave a little yawn and said,

“ I don’t know I cant remember”
That's much better then having on long giant wall of text. Aside from the paragraphs, your grammar is decent I say.
Try to slow down with the writing. Give some time to flow instead of going from one person to the next with out some description and pace your story a bit to.

grammar 5/10
pacing 4/10
description 6/10

This is how I graded it, I hope I don't sound rude.
Should you continue it, that's up to you i can't say of what you do.

bluerose6969