Sweetie Belle is adopted by Applejack, and finds out the hard way how strict, stern, and brutally old fashioned and superstitious the Apple Family really is.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmmmm. I feel as though the beating scene was far too over the top. I feel as though a simple belt spanking with yelling, a sore rump, and the phycological humiliation would have drove the nail in that we should sympathize with Sweetie Belle's plight. A little background information would help to. Like Sweetie wishing that the accident never happened. I think Applejack was too over the top as well for trying to beat a child to death. I like the concept though, and I'll finish reading before I vote.
But remember this. You don't need gratuitous violence and blood to make a good dark story. All you have to do is create an atmosphere of despair for your victim and how they deal with the radical change. Too much pointless blood and the audience will pull away. A dark tone and a good struggle, and the fans will be on the edge of their seats^^
2919521
No problem. I know stories can be really well made and be enjoyed by people even if they contain horrible things. they're just not for me. This is why i stopped reading Game of Thrones.
2919954 i never even read it.
2924936 I wanted to imagine the ponies had to make up their own measurement of time as opposed to just using the human system. I tried for originality :P.
Hey, I just wanted to say that I have really been enjoying your story so far, yes you made the apples into religious nut cases and yes a lot of people probably hate you for doing so, but it is so different than most stories on this site that it is actually a relief to read.
You have good pacing, it's well written and you make the reader or at least me, feel sorry for Sweetie Belle and the horrible things she has to endure in her young life.
I haven't read all the chapters yet but I can't wait to see Applejack get what's coming to her, or see her form her own chapter of the cult in ponyville
Keep writing you crazy Bastard and I'll keep reading
twilight used magic alot on the farm like in the cider ep.