"Dey say that da Loa grant power to those that devote demselves. Power to those that give their life to dem. Power to those who will gladly cut out dere own hearts for dem.
"But I was never devoted. Never da life giver. Never da one to make sacrifices.
"Dey say that da Loa curse those, banish those, who do dem wrong. Do dem great 'injustice'. Make dem angry. And any troll with two and a half brain cells know that ya never want ta make a Loa angry.
"But I was never one for doing things da right way. Never one for justice. Never one to make people happy. I sure as hell am not one who makes da logical decisions. But now I pay da price of defiance against my people, against my race.
"But ya know what? This isn't a curse or banishment. This is just a new beginning in a world that I have been blessed with."
The viewpoint character is writing in a journal. I highly doubt that he would write with an accent.
2430040 I did ask around beforehand and I was told that it didn't matter. I guess I'd better recall this and change the words around.
When I be readin' this story, mon, I be tinkin' how good it is.
I don't mind da fact that it be written in an accent. It still be a good story, an' it leaves me wonderin' if dere be romance in da air for dese two.
2430334 I'm glad you like it. I just feel a bit annoyed and embarrassed that people have said that this would be acceptable, when... well, it clearly isn't
Not bad. A shame that it's a one-shot, though. Will we be seeing anymore of Zakaara in later stories? He's likable enough (in my opinion), and I'm somewhat interested in what he'll do from this point on.
2432242 Thank ya. And yeah, he'll be showing up later down the line.
2432281 Keep the accent! Not only does it remind us that the main character is a member of a shamanistic/spiritual race (for those who play WoW), but it also reinforces the natural connection that he has with Zecora, as they are both rather mysteriously wise/knowledgeable through means not unsimilar to voodoo, and both have their own unique speaking styles. Not only that, I be likin' de wey me bruddahs talk mon, nice and relaxed, ya kno'? Dat's my two cents mon.
2474936 Sorry for the long-waited reply. Thanks for the vote of confidence, and I will be keeping the accent in tact. Though that's mainly because this story doesn't get many views anyway =/
Spirits be wit ya, mon.
I like that it's written in accent, it reminds you it's a troll even when he's not blatantly making mention of his race. You missed a rhyme once on Zecora, though -
"I appreciate you being honest with me." Zecora didn't sound as upset as I had believed she be. "I didn't understand how hard your life must have been."
Could have been -
"I appreciate you being honest with me." Zecora didn't sound as upset as I had believed she be. "I didn't understand how hard your life could be."
Or such. Just a minor thing but it does break immersion a bit to lose her rhyme. Otherwise I like it ;3
2590238 Well it kinda rhymes. It just has an 'n' on the end of it
But thanks for the live and the fave and stuff. Good to see this story's still being read
Awesome!
2894720 hehe, thanks
2590238 Just think that "Been" is pronounced as "Bean" is what I do.
3878317 Is that not how it's normally pronounced? Or is that an American thing?
3879974 I dunno where it came from, all I know is that I heard it in Fellowship of the Ring with Samwise Gamgee lamenting that he couldn't go on, for if he stepped any further: it'd be "the farthest from home he's ever been".
This was a good story, for an orc anyways
7312619 Troll. He's a troll. =3
>7312832 I mean to an orc, but either way it was really great.
Dis was good.