Chapter 13 - Target Practice
“A chariot will be here within the hour.” Twilight announced.
As soon as Twilight said those words, every jaw in the room hit the floor simultaneously. A stunned silence fell over the library as they all tried to process what exactly had just been said. Twilight even reread the letter just to make sure her eyes were not deceiving her. Unfortunately, there it was in the Princess’s immaculate hoofwriting, complete with signature and royal seal.
“WHAT?!?!” Everyone in the room besides Twilight shouted in unison.
“EEEEEEEPPP!!!” An alarmed squeal came from the couch as Fluttershy was startled out of her slumber. Everyone looked to where Fluttershy had been to see nothing but empty space and a bit of kicked-up dust. Confused, they all scanned the room for her, but came up short until they heard the distinct sound of chattering teeth from behind the couch. The group peered over the couch to find the timid pegasus curled into a ball, trembling with her hooves on her head.
“Fluttershy, what in tarnation are ya doin’ back there? This ain’t a time to be foolin’ around!” Applejack berated.
Fluttershy slowly opened one of her clenched eyes and looked up at her friend. “...I-Is it s-s-safe...?” She asked fearfully.
Applejack sighed and rolled her eyes. “It wasn't ever dangerous to begin with! Now get out from behind there. We got a serious situation on our hooves.” She said, returning to the other side of the sofa.
Fluttershy shortly followed after to find all of her friends, with the exception of Rainbow Dash, gathered around with anxious looks. “Situation? W-What kind of situation?” She said hesitantly.
“Braxton has been summoned to Canterlot Castle by Princess Celestia, along with the six of us.” Twilight said, holding up the letter with her magic. Fluttershy scanned the letter and had a similar reaction to it as the others.
“W-What?!” She exclaimed quietly, “B-But so soon? You just told the Princess about him less than an hour ago!” She stated.
“It seems to me that your Princess isn’t one to wait around.” Braxton said idly, still holding the ice pack to his left eye. Fluttershy looked over to him for the first time since she woke up and, when she saw the bruises on his face, instantly gasped in horror.
“Oh my! Are you alright?!” Fluttershy asked frantically. Without waiting for an answer, she took Braxton’s head in her hoofs and examined every inch. “Oh dear, you have a huge bruise and a black eye! I don’t see any knots or swelling on your head, though, so you probably don’t have a concussion. I can’t really tell without my medical supplies, though. Oh, if only I had thought to bring them! How could you be so careless, Fluttershy?!” She berated herself as she continued to fawn over Braxton.
Braxton grabbed her hooves gently and pulled them off of his head. “Fluttershy, I’m fine. I don’t have a concussion, just a few bruises. And don’t beat yourself up so much. You couldn’t have known I’d get into it with Rainbow Dash.” Braxton said as he put the ice pack back over his eye.
Fluttershy gasped again. “That’s right! Where is Rainbow Dash? I have to examine her, too!” She said, looking around the room for her friend.
“Relax, Fluttershy, Dash is fine. I already took care of her injuries with my magic. She’s upstairs in the bathroom now washing up.” Twilight explained reassuringly.
Fluttershy visibly calmed down at her friends words and fluttered back onto the couch. She muttered quietly, “O-Oh, okay then.” and sheepishly smiled as she slipped out of caretaker mode and back into her usual self.
‘Man, that’s the most I’ve heard her talk all day!’ Braxton thought, amazed by the drastic personality change.
“Anyway, back to the matter at hoof,” Twilight said, “As the letter stated a chariot will be here shortly.” She turned to Braxton. “We have to get you prepared for an audience with the Princess!” Twilight said with enthusiasm.
Braxton scratched his chin with his free hand. “Hmm, you know, I’ve done a lot of stuff, but I’ve never met royalty before. And I definitely never expected to meet your ruler so soon. What’s the big rush?” He asked.
“Well, it says here that the Princess read over my notes and that she, as well as Princess Luna, are very enthused to welcome you personally. They also wish to talk with you face to face and learn even more about your world and your people.” Twilight summarized the letter.
Rarity coughed in an overly dramatic fashion to catch the human’s attention. “So, Braxton, I seem to recall you saying something about leaving town, hmm? Foolishly striking it out on your own without any resources, if I’m correct? Traversing the harsh landscape without a clue as to how you’ll survive, if I’m right? Well, I do suppose your plans have changed now that the Princesses have summoned you to Canterlot, yes?” She said with a flip of her mane. The triumphant air Rarity gave off was almost palpable as she stood there with a puffed out chest and a haughty smirk.
Braxton gave a snort of amused disbelief at the unicorn’s superior attitude. Not about to let her get a leg up on him, he said, “Darn, I hate to burst your bubble, Rarity, but unfortunately, I do still plan on leaving.” Braxton spoke in a faux regretful tone that was almost as thick as hers had been. Braxton inwardly chuckled as he watched Rarity visibly deflate and knit her brow in irritation. She opened her mouth to berate the human on his stubbornness, until Braxton held up a finger to silence her upcoming tirade.
“But!” Braxton exclaimed with a grin, “I guess I’ll have to stick around at least long enough to meet your rulers. After all, it would be terribly rude of me to deny a royal summons, yeah? And besides, I promised a certain little filly that I wouldn’t move on without saying goodbye first.” He said, remembering his obligation towards Sweetie Belle.
Rarity stood dumbfounded for a moment before clearing her throat and turning her nose up in a snobbish manner. “Y-Yes, well, I suppose that will have to do...for now, at least. But don’t you dare think for one instant that I have given up on talking you out of this foolish endeavor!” She said with rock-solid determination.
Braxton rolled his one visible eye. “Believe me, Rarity, the thought never even crossed my mind.” He deadpanned. However, there was some truth to his words. Braxton could tell that the unicorn was not one to quit once she set her mind to something, and he held no delusions that she would stop trying to convince him to stay.
Twilight cleared her throat to return the group’s attention to her. “If you two are finished, Braxton, I need to very quickly brief you on proper etiquette when in the company of the Princesses.” She said with professionalism.
“Alright then, Twilight. Brief away.” Braxton said, leaning back.
Twilight cleared her throat again and said, “Okay, first off, when you meet the Princesses for the first time, you must remember to bow--”
“Hey, Twilight, what’s this funny-looking doohickey?” The unicorn was interrupted by a bubbly voice from across the room.
The group by the couch turned around to see Pinkie Pie, sat on her haunches, inspecting a silver metallic object with a thoughtful expression. “Is it some kinda new science-y gadget? Ooh, ooh, I know! It’s a new type of party favor, right?!” Pinkie’s face broke into a wide grin. “How does it work, huh?! Looks like there’s a hole here at the front! Do you blow into it like a noisemaker?” She sucked in a comically large amount of air, wrapped her lips around the barrel of the object, and exhaled as forcefully as she could.
As Pinkie pulled her mouth off the weapon and peeked into the hole, hoof hovering dangerously close to the trigger, Braxton’s eyes widened with pure terror as the implications of what she was doing registered in his mind.
“Pinkie! What the HELL do you think you’re doing?!!” Braxton shouted at the top of his lungs. Pinkie Pie shrieked in surprise and dropped Braxton’s gun, which hit the floor with a clatter.
Braxton tossed his ice pack to the side and vaulted over the couch as he rushed to pick up the revolver. “W-What?! What did I do wrong?” Pinkie asked as Braxton wiped the barrel clean of spittle. When he was finished, he looked down at the pink pony with the sternest glare he could muster.
“Pinkie, I want you listen very carefully. This is very important. Don’t ever, ever look down the barrel of a loaded gun! And especially never put your mouth on it!” Braxton warned.
“A...gun? You mean that doohickey? Why, what’s wrong with it?” Pinkie pointed to the weapon in his hand.
Braxton breathed a sigh through his nose. “Er, yeah. This ‘doohickey’ is not a toy. It’s extremely dangerous and--”
“Hey, cool! That looks just like those alien blasters I see in comic books!” Spike said excitedly as he and the others made their way over from the couch. “Is that one yours?! Hah, I bet you use that thing to destroy space invaders and interstellar threats that come down to wreak havoc on the world! At least, that’s what the heroes always do in the comics. You gotta let me check it out!” Spike reached for the weapon but was denied when Braxton lifted it beyond his reach.
“No, Spike. Like I said, this isn’t a toy or something out of a comic book. It’s very real and capable of doing some serious damage,” Braxton said.
“What, that li’l ol’ thing? It’s barely bigger than my hoof! How much damage can that thing really do?” Applejack said skeptically.
Braxton frowned at the farmer’s naivety. “Trust me, AJ, this little thing packs a huge punch. It’s basically a miniature cannon,” He explained.
“Ooh, like my party cannon?! You said that doohickey was loaded, right? What’s it loaded with, huh?! Candy? Balloon animals? Hot sauce?! Oh, I know! Candy balloon animals covered in hot sauce!! Mmm-mmm!” Pinkie spoke rapidly and punctuated her spiel with an over-exaggerated licking of her lips.
The rest just stared blankly at Pinkie after she had finished talking. “...What?” She asked with a shrug. Braxton shook his head and, realizing he would get nowhere by trying to explain to them, decided that a demonstration was in order. He looked around for something invaluable that he could use for target practice, and spotted an apple sitting on a nearby table.
“Hey, do you all see that apple?” Braxton asked, pointing to the fruit. The ponies and dragon drew their attention to where he was pointing, looked back at him, and nodded. “Keep an eye on it. Don’t blink or you’ll miss it,” He said as he took aim with his revolver.
“Er, miss what, dear?” Asked a confused Rarity.
“You’ll see. Oh, and cover your ears, too,” Braxton said as he cocked the hammer back.
“Umm...why?” Twilight asked.
“Just do it. All of you,” Braxton ordered.
They exchanged confused glances with each other before one by one doing as the human directed. Seeing that they all had their hooves, and in Spike’s case claws, secured over their ears, Braxton leveled the gun at the apple, steadied it, and fired.
*BOOM!*
The shot from the revolver was almost deafening to the ponies, even with their ears covered, but that was nothing compared to what happened a split second later. ‘Blasted to smithereens’ was the only phrase to describe the apple’s condition after the imperceptibly fast projectile connected with it.
Chunks of apple flew everywhere, hitting the floor, walls, and even ceiling. Yet the projectile didn’t stop, or even slow down for that matter. It continued on it’s path until it hit the wall beyond the now destroyed apple, and only came to a complete halt when it had buried itself about an inch into the hard wood. And the only recognizable thing left of the former fruit on the table was a yellowish mush and a bit of apple skin.
Braxton looked over to the ponies to see them staring at the wreckage with pupils shrunken to pinpricks and jaws hanging open loosely. Knowing that he had made his point, Braxton lowered the weapon and heaved a sigh. “Pinkie Pie, I don’t want to scare you, but if this thing had gone off while you were looking at it,” Braxton nodded his head to the obliterated apple, “That would’ve been your head,” He said.
Pinkie kept her eyes glued to the wreckage and she visibly shuddered at the thought. Suddenly, they all heard a gust of wind from the staircase and whipped their heads around to see Rainbow Dash standing at the bottom. She was soaking wet from head to hoof and looking around the library frantically.
“What the heck was that?! I heard some loud explosion and...I...” Dash trailed off when she got a look at the remains of the apple splattered across the room. Her gaze drifted from that and past all of her friends before coming to a stop on the human. She lowered her eyes to the still smoking gun in his hand. Then back to the wreckage. Then back to the gun. Her eyes went back and forth like this before her brain finally put two and two together.
“YOU!” Dash roared, her face becoming a mask of rage. She rocketed towards the human at high speed and almost made impact before a sharp pull on her tail halted her mid-flight. “What the--!” She exclaimed. Dash saw that her tail was covered in a purple aura that was all too familiar to her.
Sure enough, Twilight’s horn was aglow with the same aura as she used her magic to hold back the brash pegasus. “Rainbow Dash, what are you doing?! And why are you all wet?!” Twilight asked angrily.
“I was just using your shower when all of a sudden ‘BOOM’! I hear an explosion coming from downstairs! I sped down here to find this crazy mess and this thing standing right in the middle of it!” Dash pointed to the apple-splattered walls and Braxton respectively. “And I’m willing to bet my wings that you’re the cause of whatever’s going on down here!” She spat accusingly at the human.
“Impressive, Dash. You put that together all by yourself?” He sarcastically asked, causing Dash to grit her teeth in irritation.
“W...W-What is that t-thing?” The timid voice of Fluttershy asked fearfully. She was staring at the gun with wide, scared eyes, an expression that the rest of the ponies soon began to mimic.
Braxton blew the remaining smoke from the gun barrel and said, “I told you all that this is not a toy. This isn’t some made-up tool from a story. It’s a very real and highly dangerous weapon that’s not to be taken lightly. It was designed to seriously injure and, in some cases, even kill.” Braxton spoke in a shockingly grave voice. At the mention of the last word, a collective shiver went up the ponies spines.
“D-Did you s-say..." Twilight swallowed hard before uttering the final word, "K-Kill...?” she asked, backing away from Braxton. The human simply nodded.
“I knew it!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, “I knew you were up to no good! You show up here, bring that thing with you, and just wait until we have our backs turned to wipe us out! See girls? It tried to win you guys over, but I told you it couldn’t be trusted.” She said with eyes narrowed at the human.
“Oh, come off it, Dash! Use your head for a second! I’ve had this gun since you all met me in the forest. If I had wanted to hurt you, any of you, don’t you think I’ve had plenty of opportunities?” Braxton addressed them all now. “Hell, this is the weapon I used to save Sweetie Belle from that monster in there! If I had wanted to see her hurt, why would I have jumped in at all?” He defended.
“Wait a moment, Braxton.” Rarity spoke up, “You used that to defeat the manticore? Hmm, that would explain the explosions we heard coming from the Everfree earlier today.” She recalled.
The room fell silent as the ponies contemplated what Braxton said. They realized that he was right. If what he said was true and he had the weapon the whole time, then he had every chance in the world to use it against them.
“Did you kill it?” Fluttershy asked in a surprisingly strong voice.
“What?” Braxton said, looking down at her.
“The manticore. Did you kill it?” Fluttershy repeated with a hard stare. Braxton was almost startled by usually timid pegasus’s straightforwardness, as well as the sudden surge of intensity that her gaze held.
Braxton shook his head. “No. I didn’t kill it, just shot it in the leg. It limped off back into the forest after that, so I didn’t have to take it any further.” He said truthfully.
Fluttershy continued to stare up at him unblinkingly. As she looked into his eyes, the stare seemed to grow even more intense, to the point where it began to feel to Braxton as though she were almost staring past his eyes and into his soul. Braxton was just about to avert his eyes to escape her powerful gaze, when suddenly Fluttershy’s eyes softened and her mouth curled into a small smile. She nodded once, as if to confirm something with herself, and finally lowered her eyes from Braxton’s. The moment she did, Braxton released a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding.
“Ah got a question for ya, Braxton.” Applejack said, gaining his attention, “Ya said that weapon you've got can kill, right?” Braxton nodded. “...Ya’ll ever have to do that to somepony?” She asked quietly.
All eyes were once again on Braxton as everyone in the room awaited his answer. Braxton clenched his jaw at Applejack’s question. “Look,” He responded after moment, “I’m not going to sugarcoat things with you. I’ve done a lot of things and have been to a lot of places. Some not as nice as others. And I’ve gotten into a couple of situations where I’ve had to use this.” Braxton held up his gun for emphasis. “In those situations, I have hurt some people. Pretty badly, in some cases. But I’ve never killed before. Taking someone’s life is just...not a line I’m willing to cross.” Braxton said solemnly. The ponies looked at each other with concerned expressions, none of them really sure what to think.
“Braxton, we’ll be right back. Girls, huddle,” Twilight announced. The other five mares nodded and followed Twilight to the other side of the room, well out of earshot of Braxton.
***************
“So what do you all think?” Twilight whispered.
“Isn’t it obvious?! We take that thing away from him before he can hurt anypony! And maybe convince the Princess to lock him in the dungeon for good measure!” Rainbow suggested.
“I think that may be going too far, Rainbow Dash. While I agree that the weapon is dangerous, Braxton is not. He has shown us no ill will thus far,” Rarity said.
“Rarity’s right,” Applejack agreed, “If he really wanted to, Brax could’ve used that thing a long time ago. Plus, what he said about never killing anypony wasn’t no lie.”
“Yeah, but that means so was the part about him hurting somepony before! I still say we take it!” Rainbow protested.
“What do you think, Pinkie?” Twilight asked.
“Well, Braxie did stop me from accidentally ‘sploding my fluffy-wuffy head like he did that apple, so I trust him for that! But Dashie’s got a point, too! I think that we should probably tell the Princess about this and see what she thinks!” Pinkie Pie said, delivering some uncharacteristically sound advice.
“What about you, Fluttershy?” Asked Twilight.
“O-Oh! Well, um, I think that we can trust Braxton. H-He didn’t kill the manticore, even when he had the chance, s-so--eep!” Fluttershy cut herself off with a squeak when Rainbow Dash flew into her face
“How can you know that, Fluttershy?!” Rainbow demanded. “For all you know that thing could be lying to you! To all of us!” Fluttershy looked out the corner of her eye to where Braxton was making small talk with Spike. Her mouth formed a small smile and she looked back at Dash with unusual confidence in her eyes.
“I just know, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said. Rainbow arched her eyebrows in surprise at her friend’s sureness about her opinion.
Twilight closed her eyes as she thought deeply about the right course of action. She weighed her friends’ opinions with her own, coupled with her first-hoof experience about what the weapon was capable of. Twilight’s mind worked like a machine as she considered the possible scenarios and their consequences, as well as what she knew about Braxton, and how far she could trust him. Finally reaching a satisfactory conclusion, she opened her eyes and walked back over to Braxton and Spike, with her friends following close behind.
***************
Braxton finished chatting with Spike and noticed the six mares returning from their discussion. He stood there silently as they took their place in front of him, eagerly awaiting the verdict.
Twilight cleared her throat and said, “Okay, Braxton. After giving it some thought, we’ve decided to confiscate your weapon for the time being and report to Princess Celestia in order to get her opinion on the matter,”
Braxton rolled his eyes. “Yeah, can’t say I didn’t see that one coming,” He said dejectedly.
Twilight’s face softened. “It’s not that we don’t trust you, Braxton. You’ve already proven to us that you’re not at all dangerous, or a threat. But that weapon clearly is. Far too dangerous for anypony to have without the Princess knowing about it. I hope you understand,” Twilight said remorsefully.
Braxton clicked open the revolver’s cylinder, unloaded the last three bullets, and put them in his pocket. “Yeah, I get it, Twilight. Do what you have to do,” Braxton said monotonously. He flipped the gun and handed it to Twilight stock first.
Twilight magicked it out of his hand and into a nearby saddlebag, which she then rested on her back. “Thanks for your cooperation, Braxton. You made this a lot easier for us,” Twilight said with a smile. Braxton just nodded.
Suddenly, a knock echoed from the library door. Twilight opened it to find a white pegasus stallion dressed in royal golden armor on the other side. “Twilight Sparkle?” The guard staunchly asked.
“Yes? What is it?” Twilight replied.
The stallion pointed to his right with a hoof. “Your chariot to Canterlot has arrived, madam.” He said.
Twilight peeked her head out the door to see a pristine white chariot parked right beside the building. Another pegasus guard was at one set of reins, and there was another set beside him for his partner.
“Oh! Thank you very much, guard. We’ll be right out!” Twilight announced. The guard nodded stiffly and returned to the chariot to set the reins back onto himself. “Come on, everypony! Our ride is here!” Twilight called from the doorway.
The group filed out of the door one by one, but Twilight stopped Spike at the door. “Spike, I want you to stay here. Keep an eye on the library while we’re gone.” Spike gave a salute and walked back inside the library, closing the door behind him.
As Braxton walked by the pegasi guards he couldn’t help but notice that they weren’t giving him odd looks like the townsponies had. They simply threw a casual glance his way, before returning to their rigid, eyes-forward stance. “Hey, you two.” Braxton said to them, “How come you’re not looking at me funny like every other pony I’ve seen today?” He questioned.
“The Princess informed us before we departed that we would be carrying an, uh...unusual passenger. And I’d say that you fit that bill pretty freakin’ well.” The one on the left commented.
‘Can’t argue with that, I guess.’ Braxton thought, shrugging. He climbed aboard the chariot next to Twilight and asked, “So, where is this Canterlot place anyway?” Twilight pointed at a nearby mountain, and Braxton’s jaw dropped as he beheld the giant castle city on the side of it.
“There it is! In all it’s glory.” Twilight proclaimed.
Braxton swallowed hard. “Okay, first of all, wouldn't have been my first choice of real estate. Secondly, how are we going to get up there in this carriage? And thirdly, I’m just a teeny, tiny bit afraid of--”
“Prepare for takeoff!” One of the guards loudly announced. There was a hard shake as the carriage lifted off the ground, thanks to a few mighty flaps of the pegasus guards wings, and Braxton dared to look over the edge. His heart skipped a beat when he saw that the carriage was already well above the treehouse library. And still climbing.
That day, many confused citizens of Ponyville looked to the skies as a shrill, girlish scream could be heard fading away towards Canterlot Mountain.
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They probably found a spider in the carriage.
No way an intimidating guy like Braxton would have fear of heights...´
Right? Right?
Hopefully he has some natural defense against magic, just encase things head south.
please just don't let him and rainbow dash fall in love.
To me it doesn't matter if there wasn't enough "Actual Events" in this chapter or not. It was well written, and it was not too long nor to short.
I like it. Peace out
I would have told them to cram it up their ass. He has far less reason to trust them than the other way around, all things considered. While he's been here there have been multiple unprovoked attacks on his person, both from the wildlife and the inhabitants. Who's to say he won't need to defend himself from the next holier-than-thou, hypocritical, stubborn, ignorant and outright hateful bigot to come along?
At least he was smart enough to keep the ammo to himself, that's something I guess.
THAT isn't a problem! In fact, I encourage it!
Oh really?!
Almost nothing happened you say? 
ALMOST.NOTHING?! 
Well now, let's see. Braxton jumped in to prevent Pinkie Pie from blowing her brains out. Then he gives a demonstration about the gun, scaring the ponies and having Rainbow Bitch charge in again. Reading this, you could almost see how the ponies shifted from being relatively at ease with him to being wary and even slightly distrustful as he explained what the gun was for, even when he said he's never killed anyone.
Then we had Fluttershy using "The Stare" on him. Now here I've always had a bone to pick with the way how some authors portray the human protagonist reacting to the Stare. In most cases, they just fall into it and ending up doing what Fluttershy wanted. Never mind that they had been more or less brainwashed, losing nearly all mental and physical control of themselves. When they are portrayed like that, I can only believe that they are lucky Fluttershy wouldn't think to tell them to kill themselves, since she has so much control over them. That's why I liked how the protagonist from Article 2 reacted to the Stare! I now have to wonder how Braxton will react, on contemplation, to almost being mind-raped. Will that fuel some tension between Fluttershy and him? Will he begin to develop a fear of being alone with her in case she tries it on him! Ah, the possibilities......
Then they have their little conference, where some of the ponies verbalize some of their unease with Braxton and his weapon. In the end, they decide to confiscate his weapon, without even asking him if he agreed to the decision. Now, he has to wonder, what would they have done if he had refused? Would Twilight have locked him into another magical sphere while taking his gun? It would also strike home that despite how friendly they've been towards him before, now their budding mistrust is clear to him.
In addition to that, the only way he will get back his weapon is if the Princess says he can. Now that would just be irritating. From his perspective, he isn't one to kiss up to monarchy, so why should she decide whether or not he keeps his weapon. Or is it that they want to keep him as defenseless as possible?
Almost nothing happens in it, he says! BAH HUMBUG!
Well, that was long winded of me!
2850488
Yeeeeah, about that... 
2850685 You, sir or madam, are a comedic genius.
2850824 Believe me, Braxton's more than capable of dealing with some asshole, even without his gun.
2850903 OKAY, so maybe some things did happen in this chapter. Like one or two tops.
Eh.. Okay.. I going to say this but I really am getting a emo kinda of a bad ass with a bad past cliché vibe going on with Braxton here... ( I never killed anyone but I hurt them really, really bad>:/ )
Batman's guttural vice comes to mind when he talks
Needs moar FUNNY!!!!
He's kinda of a rubber stamp character that used a lot on fimfic's
And someone really need to pull the monkey out of Rainbow Dashes ass!!!!
I'm running low on fuck's to give so I thought I give whats left to you
Have a ni- (out of fucks)
Need moar....
Wow..... That ending is fucking hilarious. I can just imagine it. Ha!
Also, RD is never gonna let him live that down.
2851047
What if it's a Guard officer who panics and sends an entire flock of pegasi with spears at him? Or a unicorn about to toss a fireball in his direction? Or this Princess herself, whom he after all doesn't know from a hole in the ground and could be a tyrant for all he knows?
My point is, while he has proven himself, by any reasonable standard, to not be hostile, the locals have done no such thing. In fact, they've shown a marked propensity for attacking on sight. By now, it's really them that need to prove themselves to him, and issuing demands he disarm himself do not help their case.
And Fluttershy's a moron. Did you kill it, indeed. Because that's really the most important part when a predator is about to kill a fucking child, not to hurt it too much. Self-righteous twit.
2876150
Fucking FINALLY someone got that reference!
Oooh yeah! This is a very good story! Although I hope RD realizes that he could have blown her brains out at any time. I also hope she realizes that over here he could have killed her and gotten away scott free, by the pleed of self defense.
2852974 I seriously do not understand people like you. Who seem to think it as some insult or something to be asked to remove a dangorous weapon. Your arguments against Fluttershy and the rest of the citizens in Equestria are completely unjustified as well. It is only RD who really showed any real hostality towards him.
Stop being a twat.
2878057
Your lack of understanding is obvious. Thank you for you opinion. It will be given all the weight it deserves. Which, since it amounts to "you're wrong because I say so", is none at all.
Being asked to disarm is fine so long as you're in safe place. And as far as his personal safety is concerned, the ponies have made a very bad impression so far. RD could have killed him at the speeds she moves! And she's not the only one to jump to conclusions, as demonstrated by the CMC (minus Sweetie). Sure, he's nice enough not to hold it against them, but if the next pony to act before they think happens to be carrying a spear, the apologies will have to be to his next of kin.
Bottom line, they can't guarantee his safety. You don't ask someone to disarm while walking through the ghetto either. Except statistically, in a ghetto your chances of being attacked are actually a lot lower.
And Fluttershy acts as if it would have been terrible crime if he had killed the manticore, going so far as to use the Stare on him. Using the Stare on an intelligent being is a terrible thing to do to someone and totally unjustified, seeing as he was fighting to stop a child from being eaten. At great personal risk, I might add. I hate it when she's made out to be some PETA-like twat who thinks animals are more important than people.
2879342 So your telling me that if an alien dropped down on Earth with a giant lazer weapon, we should just let the alien keep said lazer weapon? Even if the weapon has more destructive power then the most powerfull of our firearms?
Well I sure as hell wouldn't. Also, my argument was way more than just "I am right because I said so". I made a legit point. You just chose to ignore it.
One more thing:
Fucking read the damn story correctly!
She didn't use the stare on him. She started to (hell she might have not even been using "the stare". It could have just been her simply staring at him.) but then she immediatly saw something in him that made her take his side.
Now I must say this one more time:
Stop being a fucking twat.
2880044
You did not make a legit point. You, in fact, made no point at all. Saying "it's unjustified" while providing nothing to back that assertion up is not making a point, that is simply stating your opinion. Opinions without reasons are worthless.
The alien is surrounded on all sides by creatures just as alien to him, who have not demonstrated that they won't suddenly attack it. The alien would be very justified in telling them no, I don't trust you enough.
And there's even a perfectly good alternative to letting him keep it; he's offered to leave. They are ones who want him to stay.
Representatives of two very different worlds have met for the first time. Both sides will be judged by their actions and up to this point by far the better showing is from the representative of the harsher, more violent world. Asking him to disarm himself is them asking for trust. They have not, in my opinion, earned that trust yet.
Oh, of course she didn't use the Stare! Being intimidated to the point of reflexively holding one's breath is a perfectly natural response to being stared at by an overly cute, yellow horse thing with wings that's about as threatening as a fluffy pillow. [/sarcasm] Bull. Fucking. Shit. It's the Stare, pure and simple.
And it doesn't change that she's still acting like killing the thing would have been wrong. Fuck her.
If you insist on that, then fine.
Drop dead, you arrogant, puffed up, useless, obnoxious turd. Thank Murphy for the Block function.
2881317 Fucking cunt. You have no right to tell me to die just because I don't agree with you. You are a very sorry excuse for a Human being.
And maybe you should drop dead dumbfuck. Society does not need people who want others dead because of a difference in opinion.
Stupid, dirty, fuck. Besides, if anything the auther did good with their reactions. The ponies live in a society where usually death (other than by natural causes or an accident) does not ocur. It is perfectly logical that someone living in a society like that would have such a response to killing no matter what the reason.
Now, go cry in all alone in your home (a.k.a. your mothers basement). And please try not to have children, it would be detrimental to society.
P.S. Stop being a twat.
2887269
*right not wright.
2881317
Also to both of you
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQzWwlhrtiXSaUh6fg-lNH3KGTUjNbRgTBBstM_YUwj-T9NME7QbQ
2921254
What fighting? I've been ignoring his ass for the past week. I know a waste of oxygen when I see one.
2921811
In all truth I have just been looking for an excuse to use that pic.
2921929
2921811 "I know a waste of oxygen when I see one."
You mean... yourself?
2921254 We havent been fighting for over a week now. Mainly because he ran away like a pussy once I made an argument that he could not counter, but it still counts as not fighting.
2924356
I find this fic to be Frikkin awesome definitely in my top 3 this currently holding the spot of 1 :D
This story is awesome. I always like HiE stories. They never cease to amaze me. They are my favorite. I am aware that people on this site are getting sick and tired of them, but stories like this one MAKE the HiE stories worth it. I don't like the complicated ones where the person is chosen to fight in a battle in Equestria, or be a prophecy, fallout, doomsday, post doomsday, or a story that is set in a futuristic year like: 3045, or anything like that. I like stories that have elements like this one. A more slice of life, down to Earth story. A man who found is way into Equestria and is trying to adapt. I also LOVE the masks idea. That statement: " We all wear masks......" could not be more true. I also LOVE when a human has a troubled past and attempts to forget about it while in Equestria, and the ponies try to help the human, and this story fits that bill. I like how you made Pinkie Pie pick up on Braxton's hidden feelings.
THIS STORY IS AWESOME!!! 
All in all a great story so far, and I HOPE YOU UPDATE IT WITH MOAR CHAPTERS CAUSE ITS BEEN OVER A MONTH, GOING ON 2 MONTHS! PLEASE UPDATE!
3126883
Thanks for the awesome comment. It's nice to see that my work is being appreciated by folks like you.
I know that it's been a long time coming with an update, and I apologize. The next chapter is still in the works, however, and will be coming out once I'm done with the editing and refining process.
Just bear with me a little longer. A new update is definitely coming soon!
I find it funny when people feel like revising a chapter because of "nothing" happening in it.
A development is a development,however small it may be. This ain't no action movie.
It's a novel
sigh... Taking the gun from him really? If she really thought it out she would've never come to that conclusion. There is no guarantee he wouldn't get angry or have an evening deadly item available to him. It's the same as taking Twilight's magic away, a griffons claws, even sorta like taking Dash's wings. It the same story all the time. They take away a persons power cause they are afraid of that power. They don't even care who is wielding it. People and in this case ponies are always trying to bring others down to their level.
Sorry, got off on a tangent there. I'm just saying that keeping alien tech in alien hands is the safest bet especially if that alien is compliant to your wishes. This is gonna end with somepony getting a new hole in them.
Shouldn't they leave the weapon with the person who really knows how to use it.
I'm sorry to say it, but somewhere around paragraph five you managed to Gary Stu the character you opened the story with really hard, at which point you lost me, especially since I'm already skeptical about HiE stories simply based on the almost automatically implied premise of them more likely being a way to serve the author's personal fantasies of escapism into a world perceived as better than our own rather than of being a truly compelling story idea with literary merit explore.
I know that sounds harsh, and I know that maybe it's holding fanfiction - which is, y'know, supposed to be fun - to a standard that's too serious, in the opinions of many. I know a lot of people like these kinds of stories for the simple, fantasy-fulfilling diversion, and that's fine, so maybe don't take me too seriously, either, it's all just down to personal opinion in the end. But what I can say for myself is that the stories I've enjoyed the most are the ones that examine their themes with realistic, relatable characters. Otherwise, it's more or less reduced to studying an alien, another species, and seeing what makes them tick - and, don't get me wrong, the study of biology is neat and watching how other species of animals behave can be fascinating, but at the end of the day all we're left with is an understanding of how something outside our own scope works, it really means nothing to us. It elicits no sympathy, no connection. Without that, you just don't have a story I can be drawn into and invest in caring about.
Just my two bits.
3337408
I'm confused as to where exactly I've managed to cross the line into Gary Stu territory with Braxton, especially since I've actually been going out of my way to not make that the case. Like it says at the bottom of the description, this is not a self-insert or wish-fulfillment type of story. I dislike those types of fics for the same reasons as you, in that they tend to not go anywhere and only serve as a means to put the author into Equestria. I'm doing as much to distance myself from those stories as possible, and to give my character a rounded personality and traits as opposed to being a one-note avatar.
At the same time, however, you have to remember something: in terms of the story, this is day one. Braxton has been in Equestria for less than six hours. Sorry to say, but there really isn't going to be a whole lot of substantial character interaction/development in that time frame. The ponies and Braxton are just getting to know each other. He's learning about a whole new world, and they're learning about a whole new species. That type of thing may not be as interesting as relationship building to some, but to me, it's all done for the sake of proper pacing. It would be more than a little odd for them to instantly be friends and chatting it up like nothing within the span of hours, especially when there would realistically be loads of questions/concerns that this situation would bring up in either party. Questions that have to be addressed first before getting into the more heavy character-driven stuff.
3337654
Paragraphs five and six just really gave me the Gary Stu vibe about this character right off the bat. Here's why: Learned "marksmanship in Russia". Learned "martial arts" in East Asia. Just kinda dropped those mentions of warrior prowess casually, like names at a high society soiree, as if were a matter of course that he would have picked that kind of thing up naturally. Globetrotting explorer for the last ten years. Casually carries a gun in Europe, where no one is allowed to have a gun, whilst walking around in steel-toed boots, a black duster, and black fingerless leather gloves (went right to the walk-in closet and pulled out the standard when-in-doubt fallback wardrobe of generic badass for informal occasions). Light brown skin and short dreads (making him black, which is cool, but not too black, which is scary... Ugh...).
I know the description said that this wasn't supposed to be that kind of character, but then this immediately and strongly contravened and I couldn't overlook that. It was like the story was playing a ridiculous crazy polka on an accordion at top volume, then tried to yell over the noise, insisting "Accordion? What accordion? No one's playing an accordion here! No siree!".
I hope I'm not being found too harsh or negative, but these things really bothered me and got the story off to a start that I don't think I as a reader can recover from.
3337888
Fair enough, I guess. Thanks for at least giving it a shot, and for taking the time to leave some criticism. Much appreciated.
3337888
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_politics
Has this story died? It's been a while, so an update would be nice.
This review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews
The theme of darkness hidden within light is a personal favorite of mine. Call it some sick repressed desire to watch all that is good in humanity burn in one glorious cleansing fire, but I just love those stories that throw a seemingly good and stable protagonist into situations that chip away at how they perceive themselves, slowly weakening their inner defenses covering some dark tragedy or shame, until they're finally forced to confront the horrid blood stained monster they've been hiding inside them all along, usually after breaking down and sobbing at the true horror they have locked away inside them.
The mere thought makes me giddy with joy.
So as you can imagine a title like, Beneath the Mask is something that appealed to me very well. The description did a fine job in hyping me up, proudly declaring how 'we all wear masks' and that 'what's beneath them is not always pretty'. I was set to read a good fic about a self righteous human being slowly getting the piss taken out of him, and I watched with gleeful joy as the story built up those expectations to a shining work of art, and then proceeded to drench the whole thing in liter fluid and burn it to the ground in a massive blazing inferno.
You'd think I'd know better than to go into these reviews with anything other than complete and utter cynicism.
That title is like a Vegas style transvestite whore, in that it’s completely misleading in what it’s offering. You could probably rename it to, The Misadventures of Some Rob Zombie Looking Mother Fucker, and it would make a hell of a lot more sense. Hot tip for you author, if you're going to name your story after a certain theme or undertone, then you've got do more than simply foreshadow that theme in the beginning and then only lightly touch on the subject whenever the hell you feel like it. If I wrote a story about Rainbow Dash getting fucked by three bulky stallions, I would name the story Rainbang, not Of Morals Lost or some bollocks like that.
But enough about my thursday nights, lets take a look at what this story is. It's a mediocre HiE fic that fails to bring anything new to the table, or improve on the regular formula in any way.
Now I will say this, character interactions between the ponies and Braxton were entertaining to see, mainly because they switch so quickly between diabetes levels of cuteness and threats of shoving one's hoof up Braxton's human ass. While it did seem a little out of character for Rainbow Dash to be that mistrusting, having her quarrel with Braxton was an absolute joy to behold, and on the other end of the spectrum, Sweetie Belle is just as cute here as she would be in any other situation, ever.
I do face a problem with how long it takes to get to scenes like this, because by himself Braxton fails to be very interesting. All we know about him is that he likes to vacation in hazardous areas, and that he's got a sort of Batman backstory, only without the kick ass martial arts training and the constant brooding, so what's the fucking point? There's a rule you have to follow when you make human characters, or any OC for that matter, the main character of a story. You need to show us why he’s interesting right of the bat. Otherwise, we're bound to lose interest and wandered off to that tempting fic about Rainbow taking three rounds at the same time from three bulky stallions.
The writing style could use a bit of work. It's not that it's bad, per say, it's just, boring. You have a habit of simply spelling out everything that happens without any flare or excitement, and it feels a little bland after a while. You need play with language, throw around words, form some similes and metaphors every now and then. Don't just tell me that Fluttershy cried, describe it a bit. "Her tears rolled down her face like heavy stones, pulling her head low to the ground where they crashed against withered blades of grass in tune to her anguished sobbing."
There, see, it's not hard. This also gives you the benefit of washing out this horrible taste of cliche lines you seem to be having trouble with. For those of you who are reading this review before the actual story, for some reason, here's a fun little drinking game for you. Take a shot every time you see a paragraph end with a phrase along the lines of, 'little did they know, that everything was about to go to hell'. Two every time a chapter ends that way.
As for the plot itself, if you've read any HiE fic then you've read this. The cruel hammer of fate strikes upon our unlucky human, sending him baffled and clueless to the beloved world of pastel ponies. He freaks about ponies, they freak about humans, ponies freak out over technology, human freaks out over magick. Mind you that the words 'freak out' are being used in the loosest possible sense. For someone who was literally ripped out of his own dimension, Braxton reacts the oddities of Equestria really well, so either he’s built up a superhuman resistance to having shit thrown at him, or more than likely he’s completely bat-shit insane. That's actually a problem I have with a lot of HiE fics. The truly real ones are where the human has a heart attack and drops dead out of sheer unbridled terror of what he just witnessed.
As of the time of writing, the story is currently on hiatus, but if the author ever decides to come back and finish this then he'll need to pull some serious overhaul to make it work. Cut back on the cliches, and give Braxton some bloody character. If I could at least find it in me get somewhat interested in him, this whole story could've been a lot more bearable, but as it stands now, Beneath the Mask is a bland fic, with a bland character, and only slight gleams of light in the form of good character interaction that are inevitably crushed under the lackluster writing style.
It's two servings of tasteless bread with not nearly enough Branston pickle to make the least bit flavored.
3963087
First of all, I'd like to extend my thanks to you and ZP Reviews for taking the time to write such a well-constructed and detailed review of my work. It's always a pleasure when I receive some constructive criticism, and this probably ranks among the best (and funniest) I've gotten since starting this bloody thing. Seriously, top-notch job.
Secondly... this.
You have no idea how note-perfectly this review encapsulates the thoughts I've been having on this story for the past few months. It actually kind of stung me a little to read, but only because I consider it to be almost entirely accurate.
This part of your opener in particular hits home especially hard:
This is pretty much the goal that I set out with regarding what I wanted this story to be, and who I wanted Braxton to be, but wound up falling short in several areas. Seeing as how this was, and still is, my first fanfic (and trust me, I'm in no way using that to entirely excuse this story's failings), this was most likely the result of poor planning on my part, both in terms of narrative structure and characterization.
And speaking of character, you're not wrong when you say Braxton has just barely more of it than soggy bread. I had an idea of what I wanted his personality to be like going in; that of an outwardly easy-going, occasionally hapless, and somewhat sarcastic kind of guy who, due to events in his past, is deeply troubled on a level that even he doesn't yet realize. And while I do feel that I got some of that across here and there, it wasn't nearly as prevalent as I would've hoped. Perhaps I lacked the chops to pull off such a character right out of the gate, or at least should have put a hell of a lot more thought into his arc than I did.
Your points about my writing style were fairly spot-on as well. I've been told before that I don't indulge in enough wordplay, and rely too heavily on common sentence structure to get my point across. As for the story itself, one of my main goals when I started this was to try and skirt some of the more glaring HiE cliches. However, in attempting to do so, I inadvertently fell into some of the less obvious trappings of the genre. A 'dodge the pothole to fall in the ditch' type of situation, I guess.
I appreciate the praise given on some of the character interactions, though, as they were another aspect of the story that took priority for me. Still, like most things in this story, I feel like I could have pulled them off with a lot more finesse, as opposed to the two extremes that you pointed out in your review. But hey, maybe that's just me being my own worst critic as usual.
So yeah, all in all, I have to agree that this fic isn't too great. To be honest, the main reason I put this on hiatus was because the more time I spent looking back on it, the more I grew to dislike it, to the point of being reluctant to continue at all. I did briefly consider cancelling it altogether, but opted instead for a top-down reworking, which I'm currently in the process of writing. Hopefully I'll be able to salvage the good bits of this and build something much better around them, and maybe write something that I think is more deserving of all those likes up there.
3967768
I'm happy to hear you enjoyed it. This being my first review I was actually a little nervous of the response, but it sounds like everything went off without a hitch.
I encourage you to rewrite the story, the premiss did actually seem interesting, it was just mobbed by poor execution. Planning and thinking through the plot line ahead of time is a very smart idea, but be prepared to adjust those plans at moments notice. Trust me, most authors I've met are lucky to get past the first two chapters before they start to make changes. To put it in perspective, the latest chapter I've uploaded to my fic was rewritten about three times before I felt it was ready to be published.
As for the writing style, characterization, and plot lines; all things will come with practice, and I advise you to study other authors. I'm not suggesting you steal ideas, mind you, but just to look over them. See what works, note what doesn't, and try to emulate that in your writing. I'm very hesitant to point you in the direction of that one and half million word monstrocity that is Diaries of a Madman, but I can at least suggest that you read the first two chapters. As far as HiE fics go, it's got the best introduction I've ever seen.
Hope you find some of this useful, glad you liked the review.
3963087
Welcome to the club!
3963087 Like Dark said Welcome to the darkness.
*Clapping
3968657
Don't worry, the stories we review the author wants us to burn them in the depths of hell.
ONE AND A HALF MILLION!
3968893 I'm glad to be a part of it.
Great, now I'm tempted to write that fic for the hell of it.
3969252 Oh, and are you ready for the kicker? The story isn't even done yet, it's probably going to be over two million by the time it's finished.
3974062
Link me if you do >.>
3974062
I am also here and supportive!
You're the exact opposite of Dark Avenger
...because you're reviews are funny and informative.
Welcome to the group, bud.
Yeah, it's a week late, go fuck yourself.
Ok, this is really good and I look forward to more!