Chapter six
Twilight and Applejack stared in shock at the two stallions, Asper Wind and Dagger Night were paying the mares no attention. Twilight's horn had already fully reappeared when Asper turned towards them. "Please," he begged even as Dag, he had called his companion that earlier, tried to spear him with his horn from behind. The tan stallion had tears in his eyes as he continued, "Please help him, I need him, I love him." the lavender unicorn didn't know whether it was the talk of love that got to her or the tears present in the other's eyes. But something told her that healing the dark unicorn was the right thing to do.
"I'm right here for you Twi." Applejack murmured into her ear. "And I always will be." with that the lavender unicorn concentrated on the two stallions, and just as it had that fateful night years before when she had first truly become friends with the girls, her magic took over. In a sudden flash of lilac colored light the two mares and stallions were thrown backwards.
Twilight groggily opened her eyes to find herself wrapped up tightly in Applejack's hooves. The orange earth pony had grabbed her friend when they'd started to go flying. "Applejack, Applejack!" Twilight cried tears begging to form in her eyes. No, oh Celestia please no.
"Ugh, Twi, that you?" Applejack asked as she finally managed to pry her eyes open. The lavender unicorn through her hooves around the other mare's neck pressing their lips together in a glorious and passionate kiss. They pulled apart blushing at the sound of somepony clearing their throat.
"Thank you so much." Asper Wind said as he nuzzled the black unicorn next to him. "I don't know what I'd have done without Dag." he turned towards his stallionfriend, "Well now you know better than to ignore me when I tell you to..." his voice faded as they walked away leaving the two mares alone with themselves and their thoughts.
"Um, Twilight," Applejack said shyly, "There's something I need to tell you."
"What is it AJ?" Twilight asked. The orange earth pony leaned forward until her face was just a breath's length away form the other mares.
"I love you." she whispered before she pressed her lips to Twilight's forehead. "Will you go out with me?" Twilight tried to blink away the happy tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
"Yes, oh Celestia, yes!" she squealed throwing her hooves around her new marefriend's neck.
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2407387 Okay thanks, spell check didn't catch those. And you'll just have to continue to read and find out.
Well that was err... Sudden. Like, the bad kind of sudden, I was able to read the whole thing in about a minute, went back and read the last two chapters again two times, and It's still too confusing and sudden.
2407774 I'm sorry, I tried not to make it to confusing, and I wanted to add more detail. But I had irl friends that were reading and telling me to hurry up and finish. I got so tired of having to listen to them complain that I rushed through the rest. Again I'm sorry.
2407796
It's alright, but if you ever decide to come back to this story or make another one, I suggest you take it as slow as you need to explain everything better. If you don't have a lot of time to write, you could write something short but descriptive, and if your friends are saying you're taking too long, they're really impatient and if you can, you should just tell them to wait. It's better in my opinion to have a good story update with 1K words every week, or even two weeks, than to have a horribly rushed one producing 4K a week.
2407836 Okay thanks, I'm thanking about writing a sequel, what do you think?
2407796 I'm with Deadpool on this one, if you don't feel like you're explaining things enough, slow down and explain them; and if your irl friends are pushing you to update, tell em to 'be patient, its not ready yet'. Quality over Quantity. Like in season 2 ep 15 Super Speedy Cider Squeezy.
P.S. Spell check didn't catch them cause they are considered grammar errors, not spelling errors.
I totally agree whit deadpool
is way much better take the time to write something good that just rush for sumbit something quick
you need to take your time, always remember that
take for example one of my most fav stories " A Delicade Balance " (obviously an Appletwi XD)
Japanese theet, the author, takes like.....almost a month to do a chapter XD, but when she publish it....is just so awesome, and it have all explanations, feedbacks, funny moments, serious moments, romantic momnets all well defined.
maybe she takes a lot of time....but really, it worht it take much time to writte something great
2411209 Okay thanks.
ok i agree with deadpool its way rushed for this but it was a good story none the less! i do hope you make the sequel, i look forward to seeing you improve! oh and twijack is best ship! :D
2464611 Actually I'm working on redoing this one.
2468555 Thanks, ya I know, I was being rushed. So I'm fixing my mistakes.
okay first good premise for a story. Don't worry about it being longer to much. If you do it will come out rushed still, take your time and enjoy in its development rather than someone pressuring you to do it(or yourself). If you add both detail and backstory youll easily see each chapter reach a good 2.5K+ in words without tring. All it takes is detail and backstory. Also some side story scense about the twio stallion's and their relation to the main plot
4356210
Okay thanks.
Sorry, but this came out a little... rushed. I didn't understand the story until about the middle, and Applejack's stubborn nature may not allow her to be pushed so easily into confessing to Twilight. There are other thing like description and chapter length that can be improved upon as well. I liked the story, but the grammatical mistakes and OOC characters were too much for me to consider adding this to my favorites list. But on the bright side, it won't be going into my hated stories list either!
7390193
Thanks, yeah it was a wreck I didn't even try to finish the sequel after a certain point. I do have other stories that are, hopefully, better if you're interested so feel free to have a look.
7390978 Will do!