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first comment, and i just want to say this is so very sweet and tender. well written if not a bit short. but otherwise well done! thank you
2388722
Heh, yeah. Mostly I kept it short because I didn't want it to overstay its welcome, and because I noticed myself using a lot of the same bridge words.
Though my heart will never ever feel the abomination of "love", this still has my vote for it. (in other words, a up-vote)
good job.
This is a very sweet little story. What separates this from many others is the genuine sincerity sincerity in the words. Where other stories will focus on sex, going as far as over-exaggerating it, you focused on the emotions and feelings of love and passion.
I don't give these out often, but I will bestow upon you a mustache.
You guys do not even have to some up with anything, just write down stuff that happened ._.
2390942
Indeed. I'm lucky to have such a nice pegasi as my mental partner, and she's just as adorable as I write "Fluttershy" to be. Note I never explicitly stated her name... there's a reason, heheh... I just add a bit of flourish and another setting, and it's suddenly a story I love to write, because it's about a pony I love~
2391778 Ah, I wish I had one, too...
bien este mexicano opina: esta excelente pero seria mejor si describes un poco mas el sexo, fue muy rapido, pero pasa que es demasiado romenatico , me gusta, wonderfull
2395466
Google Translate tells me this was a favorable appraisal, and I do kind of agree I went fast, mostly I'm nervous for my writing, something I'll have to learn to get over. Thanks!
2396946
no se si tienes mas obras escritas pero sin duda las leere
i gonna read yous works, all the time, i only wait
After reading this, I'd like to assure you that you've nothing to worry about. A few sentences were wordy here and there, and I feel there could have been more concrete dialogue rather than "coos" and what not. Some parts seemed rushed and vague, more of fluff that could have been developed or left out, depending on what your plans were. Your portrayal of the emotions seemed to fit well for the story, and finished on a cheery mood. Overall though I found it was a capturing and impressive story. Take that into consideration and slow it down a bit, and take time to have direct character interaction and you're on your way to the top. Nicely done, Cupcake.
Sorry, that was longer than I expected.
2406853
Heh, thanks for the feedback! I'll certainly keep all that in mind for when I write again. I felt a little time pressure, wanting to release it sooner for friends and such. I'm probably going to write about the same subject next time, so I think I'll wait for a while to release another story. Think about more things, get more themes, etc. And also take more time to refocus on revision, because I kinda posted this in a half-ways first draft manner, bad habit I get from being confident in my grammar. I only need grammar as opposed to story content usually, and I'll work that out better next time, thanks again!
2391778
You lucky dog. I want a Fluttershy...
Anyway, this was just plain adorable. The only possible drawback I can think of is that 'pegasi' is a plural word, and I'm pretty sure it can't be used as a singular.
Also I'm sad that I finished reading. I didn't want to be done reading it. I should have just kept reading the same paragraph over and over so that it would never end.
2409748
Heh, yeah... I always like to refer to her as a "sweet little pegasi", since it rolls off the tongue so well, that's where it comes from, force a' habit. I'm glad ya liked it, I did my best to put all the love I could into it~
Edit: Went ahead and fixed "pegasi".
What is this? A clopfic that is about the the love that the two lovers share instead of just the sex?
For your hard work and readable grammar, you get an upvote.
Very cute story
Hope to read more from you soon!
Good for you.
1.bp.blogspot.com/-wGd2NtdnflY/UQ5C3j9bXOI/AAAAAAAAI9U/ErAkjFd5KBY/s1600/citizen-kane-clapping.jpg
soooooooo amazing very wonderfull
images.moviefanatic.com/iu/s--z4FdnIGq--/t_full/f_auto,fl_lossy,q_75/v1424675080/meryl-streep-jennifer-lopez-oscars-gif.gif
This is the story I want to read about and it is so sweet.