Just a normal FIM fan. With an obsession with Pinkie Pie. =P
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In this short Romantic Comedy, we view Pinkie's shifting emotions, as she tries to find a way to tell her best friend, Twilight Sparkle, that she has developed something more than just friendship. As she goes through these events, not only does she gets to know herself better, but finds herself getting to know a bit more of her friends as well.
Romance, witty puns and frustrating feelings will be the base and heart of the story. Enjoy.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Two thumbs down? I say nay!
Interesting start so far, looking forward to seeing the next chapter.
Nice, I love me some good Twipie.
This is not perfect but it doesn't deserve to have that many thumbs down.
A suggestion: You should use italics for thoughts. If for some reason you find hard to format your text, then you should really use ' instead of - . The hyphen has already too many uses to add indicate thoughts.
Be careful not to go into meta territory that much, it really takes you out of the story. Silly breaking of the fourth wall mentioning the show was nice, but mentioning Fimfiction went a bit too far. Otherwise I like your Pinkie talking to his brain and it preferring to go eat something, it was funny.
TWINKIE PIE
Read Later!
Wow! Thank you all for the support!!!
I will be honest, I didn't think I would get this much attention. Actually, I just thought my story was going to wither away and die, being my first story and all. But i'm glad you all enjoyed it.
And taking in consideration Twilight_Crow's ideas, the next chapter should have a bit more of a fix. But nonetheless i'm really excited and I hope you all enjoy the rest of the story!
this is building up to be a great story. i really hope you finish it because you did a great job with this chapter!
P.S. twipie is my 2 fav shipping
I laughed maybe too hard at too much, no walls are safe, specially for you Mr. Author but anyways so far so good hoping for some pinkie in private along the way. I'll watch over this diligently summer is a coming and i expect good things
Hmm, this story definitely has potential, the only thing that bothered me were a few grammatical errors, but that's just me being a nitpicker. Here's hoping to see so much more from you. Perhaps you could get a pre-reader to try and help you with that? I'd offer, but school life is a very busy one, y'know? Pre-readers are very helpful, don't ever be afraid to ask anyone to help, most anyone here would love to.
~The Dusty Mop
Hmm... cute, has potential, but needs a bit of work, too. I spotted a bunch of mistakes and issues, but luckily nothing huge. (Heh, I wish there was a way to highlight things as I read, rather than going back through to quote things xD) You should see about getting a pre-reader/editor, although I suspect just continuing to work at it will help take care of those problems. And read! Reading a lot of more well-written stories by others really helps you subconsciously adapt proper writing behaviors for your own work as you read them.
All that said, keep at it! :3
Okay, I'm interested.
Comma is not required here.
The comma after 'gem' should be a period, and 'the' should be capitalised. They are two seperate sentances after all. However, I am impressed that you put the comma in—most people don't realise it's needed. It's just wrongly applied here.
Same as above. Seperate two seperate sentances with a period. If you had a 'he said/she said', then you put in a period.
Use 'five'. It looks nicer.
This sentance doesn't make sense. 'The amount of energy she has' might fit better, or something like that.
Redundant and unnessacary. Since Twilight was the main focus of the preceding sentance, we assume she is the one speaking. Remove it.
Full stop after 'least'.
Comma after 'Sugarcube'.
'library' should be lowercase.
Full stop. Going to stop pointing these out now, you can find the rest.
Comma after 'responded', lowercase 'trying'. It's one sentance.
'sliped out'.
Denote thoughts with either itallics or 'apostrophies'. Nothing else.
Pacing was fine, that wasn't a slow start up at all.
Narration was very tell, rather than show. It's bland and descriptive. 'Character A did this. Character B did that. Character C did something else'. See here for more on Show vs Tell (as well as other useful advice).
Otherwise, a good start for a first fic. Very brave of you to do it from Pinkie's perspective, as she is a challenging character to do well.
Thank you all for the comments and the aid!
The constructive criticism will definitely help me and I hope the next chapter will be easier for your eyes! As for an update, I'm already working on chapter 2 and hope to finish it either Friday or Saturday (busy with College). Once again, I am really thankful for all the support and hope I can deliver !
please don't apologise for something that isn't wrong, i like the story as it is, any faster and it can't be as good as it is!
i think the story is going at a good speed.... you don't need to rush, take your time. also i am still loving this story. i hope it will finish..... also i think i laughed to hard when pinkie's brain started speaking
I'm going to echo Flodos and .:Rainbow:.'s comments, don't worry about rushing things. It's more important that you're at least happy with what you got because many times I have seen someone get into the rush of posting it quickly out of some sort of fear of disappointing someone if it's not out fast enough where at the end they realize they have to rewrite the chapter because of various reasons including not being satisfied with it and being improperly done, in their own opinions, of course.
My point is, chill out, don't worry, enjoy yourself and get it done when you feel you can.
2418357
oh great, now I won't be able to hear Pinky's brain in any other voice but Brain's.
Thanks for that.
haha so she made it to best pony's house? good good, now remember Rexis tentacles its where its at and i'm sure twilight's got some spells regarding that matter haha, anyway good on ya waiting or the next installment of Wimpie Pie Z
1. Love this fic, just absolutely love it.
2. with that opening, in my opinion, you won, you just won. just take it all.
I'm actually really enjoying this so far. Everybody seems in-character to me, and it has been beyond amusing. I'm especially loving Brain. It's like it is its own character. As any Pinkie brain should be, really. Looking forward to updates, whenever they may come.
Tank is a FREAKING tortoise.
Other than that, hilariously amusing.
I would choose something less awkward like maybe "Some advice?". Very nice otherwise, wonder if Apple Jack would get the potato thing.
This was a good chapter, I love the humor and how awkward Pinkie acts around Twilight.
Keep up the good work!
Pinkie "Narf! ...Poit?"
Code Red! Code Red! Abort! Abort! Do Not Engage!
i loved the "CODE RED" part
that was great!
Gotta get back
Back to the Sane
Samurai Pie
Pie, Pie-Pie-Pie
was I right?
Edit: I know it doesn't rhyme, I just came up with it on the fly while reading
2653246
You got it. XD
You sir win a moustache
2653747
Samurai Jack reference for the win. Aku approves!
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this is opne the the best fan-fictions i have ever read, great job!
1. Good girl AJ saves the day~ <3 Seriously, that pony needs more love. ^w^
2. That Samurai Jack Reference! XD Eeee!
For the full last chapter experience, if you want to hear what I was hearing in the last chapter, here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eT8KUy98w0
Just press replay over and over. ;D
"A towel covered Pinkie jumped in front of the alligator with hand raised."
That ending somehow seems logical. What if her brain was secretly dating Misses Potatohead and that is why she used the potato peeling code.
I am tired. That is the only reason that makes sense.
would be much cooler if mace would have been Twilights Brain instead of an OC.
Now that i mention it, a second story from Twilight's view and talking with her Brain would be awesome.
Hand > hoof. :P
That said though, nice story, very cute. ^w^
I Like this idea
this was a AWESOME story, i loved it. great job... great job
A very interesting and unique story, though hampered by the multitude of grammatical errors.
Protip: Just because it's part of a contraction, that does not mean that you no longer have to capitalize the letter 'I'.
There's a few others, and I spotted a couple of spelling errors, but that issue is the main one here.
To all the people who has commented, favorited, enjoyed, disliked and took the time to read the story, A MILLION THANKS!!! All of these comments make me smile, because I know it will both encourage and help me in the future. It's because of the 624 views, 64 likes AND the 6 dislikes that I shall keep writing! I'm really glad all of you were able to read it!
2701006 I just made the 69th like Friends reaction:
My reaction:
Still don't know what it means....even thought I'm in the eighth greade 
It's FULL-PROOF!
So, it can never be filled?
I see a typooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
The best way to sum up the events of this story is to quote Applejack's thought,
"Pinkie is Pinkie"
also, reminds me of deadpool.
THATS WHAT I SAID!
This was gonna be epic. If it wasn't for the FUCKING TYPO
Dat Code Red part.
The potato has now been consumed
Could probably use a little editing here and there, a little error-hunt, but boy, was that a fun ride! I just loved how you portrayed Pinkies interactions with... ehr... yeah, her brain.
It was fitting, it was hilarious, random, cute, simply awesome. Definitely one of the most entertaining stories I've read so far. That's why I put it in my recommendation-shelf.
The cutest, biggest 'd'aaaaaw'-moment, at least for me, was the mirror-scene, when Twilight stopped mid-sentence and realized what Pinkie meant. The whole mirror-idea was simply great.
You brought some joy and laughter in my life, Pinkie would be proud of you. And I am thankful.
Thank you!