Vinyl's Free Time

It was just another day for Vinyl Scratch. Her weekly visit with Octavia is joined with the arrival of three inquisitive fillies.
A/N: This was just some random idea that wouldn't leave my head.

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Comments ( 6 )

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LupoMikti

LupoMikti #1 · Apr 3rd, 2013 · · ·

This looks pretty interesting. I'll get right on to reading it. And you know what? I'm in a bit of a proofing mood, so I'll point out any errors I find as I read.

Most ponies don’t realise that my eyes are naturally red but I suffer from nearsightedness and therefore the reason I wore contacts.

First, I always like seeing the alternative spelling of realize. Second, I believe 'therefore' would be better replaced by 'thus'.

Being a unicorn had it advantages and telekinesis was a massive plus to one’s daily routine.

'it' should be 'its'.

trying not to look my in the eyes.

'my' should be 'me'.

A friend of mine is coming.” I said

You actually do this a lot. Like, every single time. Whenever you have "I said" "He/She said" "Tavi said" or any other dialogue tag like that, the part in quotation marks ends with a comma, not a period. If you have a question mark or exclamation point, then you don't need the comma.

her green eyes as big as saucers.

Personally, I hate this simile with a passion, though there's nothing wrong grammar-wise.

Overall, this could use a grammatical clean up, but the story and writing is wholeheartedly solid and I really enjoyed reading this.

I give it (e/π) – 7%.

It's one in the morning right now, but I wouldn't mind cleaning this up for you since it's purely grammatical and not bad at all. PM me if you're interested and I'll try and get back to you around midday or in the early evening.

Draconis187

Draconis187 #2 · Apr 3rd, 2013 · · ·

2367114 Thank you. I like people like you, giving help and I truly appreciate it.

First, I always like seeing the alternative spelling of realize

It's more of a case of my South African English versus the rest of the world.

her green eyes as big as saucers.

Addressed. I don't want people hating my story for any reason if I can help it.
Was it at least somewhat funny? My sense of humour never seems to go down right with the people I know.
I have taken your corrections to heart and once this is sent, all the errors you mentioned should be gone. Thank you for taking the time to correct me. Have this, courtesy of Sweet Apple Acres.
fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/127/c/4/have_a_cider_aj_wallpaper_by_rhubarb_leaf-d4yt6ei.png

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