Daddy's home.

Daddy Discord214 stories ·365 members

Daddy's home.

Discord no longer rules equestria, but he is also no longer stone. How will little screwball react?

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Comments ( 9 )

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Dragaen

Dragaen #1 · Mar 28th, 2013 · · ·

well, this was interesting, some spelling errors of course but not much either . I was actually trying to find me some changeling stories but hey this one about screw ball is most interesting. So I have to ask... is there going to be more of this ?

BurningBright

BurningBright #2 · Mar 28th, 2013 · · ·

yus indeed there will be a part where we resolve the whole issue of screwballs body, after all she can't share with button stitch forever. I'll also be working on a few other lil projects I'll submitas soonas they're done.

Dusky Flower

Dusky Flower #3 · Mar 28th, 2013 · · ·

This may be a bit hard to follow, but this style of writing fits Screwball very well.

Well done.

Mudpony

Mudpony #4 · Mar 28th, 2013 · · ·

Interesting idea, with a nice Screwball PoV, but could use a proofreading pass.

There's a lot of proper nouns that aren't capitalized, including in the description. Discord, Equestria, Fluttershy, Crystal Empire, and Screwball, as well as the first word in sentences should be capitalized. Punctuation issues as well, mostly conversation related.

“Fluttershy, this is my daughter Screwball” said dad “screwball this is fluttershy, while we are here you will treat her and allin her home with respect, as boring as that sounds. That means put down the paint cannon”.

should be:
“Fluttershy, this is my daughter Screwball,” said dad. “Screwball, this is Fluttershy. While we are here, you will treat her and all in her home with respect, as boring as that sounds. That means put down the paint cannon.”

You can find good examples on punctuation grammar in EZN's guide. Just move your cursor over the FAQ button to get the link.

Also, a suggestion: instead of the comma splices to get that Screwball feel, use semicolons. It'll read the same and be grammatically correct. The following, for example, should really have semicolons instead of commas:

Tonight something is different, something is wrong, I can sense him, daddy is free again.

Shadowed Rainbow

Shadowed Rainbow #5 · Mar 28th, 2013 · · ·

Aside from spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors, I loved this! I love the way you wrote Screwball, she really needs her own character tag.

Gundamdragon

Gundamdragon #6 · Mar 29th, 2013 · · ·

I like it its some thing that should be in seson 4 lol also 1 person voted dislike? i think theres a troll in the sit that goes to every story and votes dislike. not seen one story with 100T likes yet.....why do i feel cellestia is behind this

Comment posted by BurningBright deleted Mar 30th, 2013

Novalis14