An odd coincidence leaves Gavin Free and Dan Gruchy, AKA the slow mo guys, in the middle of Twilight's library. What will happen to them when they realise where they are and how will they get back?
A slow mo guys crossover :)
Click here to watch the Slow mo guys on YouTube if you haven't The slow mo guys channel
Cover art by me and Yoichi Hayabusa
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So far the story isn't anything bad, but there are a few issues you can work on. First off, you seem to have problem staying in either present or past literary sense. Secondly, try to space out your paragraphs more- that makes for more aesthetically appealing reading, and the mass you have now will probably turn off readers. Third, try to mix up your language and add more punctuation. There's plenty of places where 'said' is used over and over, and times when a comma would do wonders to the flow of your sentences. Try to fix capitalization as well- the first words after someone speaks, if you are going to have something like "said Gavin", need to be lowercase. Just try to read through your story closely a few times and corect silly little mistakes!
2325006 thanks, will do! I appreciate the feedback :D
2325006 I've made a few corrections, mostly spelling, grammar or random upper case letters now :) everyone please tell me of you spot any mistakes! :D thanks
YES IMMEDIATE FAVORITE AND FOLLOW
MARKKKKKKK NUUUUUUUUUTTTTTT
My OCD is acting up every time I see a story title without all the words capitalized, if I don't see a story capitalized I normally never even bat the story a second eye... But Dan the man is fucking awesome.
I hope to god that in this story you reference Dans bad reputation with reading restraunt menus
2326478 don't worry I will, I might be be able to get mark nutt in there somewhere too! :D Also, I'll definitely try to do a chapter a day!
Yes just yes
yay update
You need a reaction to Dan and Gavs different accent, it's not that hard to miss and Twilight and them would surely ask about it.
So far looks pretty good, rushed in some places but overall has potential
2334338 thanks and yes Twilight will notice the accent :D
yay update
Yay update
Also, the story is great so far. Keep it up.
yay update
yay
well... Gavin is kinda brain dead...
Huzzah, a new installment!
Maybe, try to take more time reading and re-reading chapters. They've seemed a little rushed.
Other than that, very nice.
Have a mustache, for DanTheMan.
2364055 thanks for the feedback, will do :)
Brilliant chapter. Never thought anyone would think of the english chips and american chips thing. Great work.
2370022 haha thanks, I got the chips thing from personal experience , it ruined my day when I was served fish with a packet of crisps :')
This is funny so far keep it up
#DantheMan
Haha headlight fluid
2380995 Don't forget the elbow grease!
this is fun, i am so glad i have a fic i can read to put a smile on my face, keep on writing.
2381042 thank you, it means a lot to know that this is making people happy :)
Wiper juice haha
Wet bread!
2386226 I was reading Achievement hunter in Equestria, and wondered if there was a fic I could read with The Slow Mo guys in it, to my surprise, there wants already one, so I made it :)
You've been updating with a chapter everyday. You deserve a break. :D
2399905 haha thanks, I try to keep to a chapter a day, I've been pretty tired lately but I'm well rested now :)
Gavin? Flying? This isn't going to end well...
Gav has a wonky nose irl. Is this how he will get a wonky nose as a pony?
2401237 Do you think your tank has anti-gavin defences?
2404744 when Gavin has a creeper as a cutie mark, nothing is safe :0
Longer chapters please
2404744 That was an optional mod, I went with shields. I'm screwed aren't I.
2405502 Probably.
2406518 Hopefully my good friend SAM can keep me safe.
yay update
God damn. Dan and his menus...
Damn, this chapter made me hungry.
yay update
I'm waiting for Gavin to do a Front Flip For Style
2431255 good things come to those who wait!
2431255 You know that's going to end badly.
Called It!
Twilight teaches an alien pony she barely knows a spell that can kill?
Seems legit.
I feel for Gavin. Wet bread is nasty.