Chapter Six – In Memory
Chapter Six – In Memory
Twilight closed the door to her study quietly before crossing the room to stare out the window. The dim flickering light of a solitary candle was the only break in the otherwise complete darkness. The library felt distinctly cavernous that night. There was no sound at all save for the distant echoing murmur of a sleeping baby dragon. The emptiness cried out to be filled and Twilight unwittingly obliged.
She began pacing nervously around the room, feeling more alone than she had in her entire life. The oppressive silence seemed to take on a voice of its own, shouting the words of her answer to Rainbow’s parting question from the depths of the silent room. Eventually she had no choice but to acknowledged them.
It was perfect.
Until that moment, Twilight hadn’t allowed herself to think about the kiss. Every time her mind had returned to the Carousel Boutique she had forced it away from that particular memory. Instead, she had focused on everything that had happened after. She didn’t want to remember the intimacy and the passion with which she had embraced the other pony. She didn’t want to remember the elation she had felt as Rarity had kissed her back. She didn’t want to remember ever having been happy in her arms.
Yet Rainbow’s question felt designed to make her think about these very things. And the more she thought about them, the more she realised that she didn’t want to forget. No matter how much angst she had gone through to get there, it had all been worth it for that one brief moment
Twilight felt herself growing warm as she thought about it.
That first kiss had been the perfect conclusion to the long weeks of yearning. Everything about it felt right: the fact that she had had to abandoned her usual logical thinking; that she had had to completely commit to that one moment in time; the abruptness; the intensity; the burning desire that they had shared. Nothing she could have changed would have made it any better.
This was all too much for her to think about. She had spent so long now listing out Rarity’s faults that perhaps she had forgotten why she had fallen for the unicorn in the first place. Her mind was too busy to make sense of it all on her own.
Returning to her desk, Twilight unfurled a blank scroll. She needed somepony to talk to. She would write to Rainbow Dash and ask her if it wouldn’t be too much trouble for her to come back. Twilight surrounded her quill with a fuchsia aura, lifting it from her inkwell while she considered what to write.
As soon as she put her quill to the paper however, there was a dull click. Twilight bowed her head in defeat. Why now? Of all the times that nib could have snapped, it had to be right at that very moment. She threw the quill across the room. Nothing would go right for her today.
She tore around the room, looking in drawers, in cupboards, on bookshelves, under her bed: nothing. As a last gasp effort, she decided to see if she might have left one of the quills she had taken with her to Canterlot in her saddlebags. Spying them at the foot of her bed, she hastily loosened the fastenings and threw open the left pouch. There was a couple of books, some blank scrolls, a few loose coins and a hair brush, but crucially, no quill.
“Please, please, please,” she begged as she opened the other pouch.
Her heart skipped a beat. Taking a step back, she looked at the contents. There was no quill there either. What there was, folded neatly and placed carefully inside, was a dress she hadn’t seen in almost a week. On top, there lay a scroll which had been tied closed with a length of white ribbon and sealed with purple wax.
She returned to the bag and lifted her dress out along with the scroll, laying them on her bed. The button had been sewn back on to the dress she noticed, admiring the handiwork. If she hadn’t known which of the fastenings it was that had been missing, there would have been no way to tell. Such beautiful stitching and the tone of the threads matched perfectly.
She folded the dress and put it back in the bag, turning her attention to the scroll. She picked it up with her magic. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she broke the seal and untied the ribbon. This had been the last thing she had expected to see. She was both excited and frightened by the prospect of reading it. It was from Rarity, she knew. The binding had been the same as any letter the mare had ever written.
A part of Twilight hoped that it would contain an apology, another hoped for anger and resentment. She stared at the crisp paper for a long moment before deciding that regardless of what it contained, if somepony had taken the time to write to her, it was only polite for her to take the time to read it.
Unfurling the scroll, she immediately recognised the long, elegant strokes of Rarity’s handwriting. Twilight had always prided herself on her penmanship, but she envied Rarity’s. Yet she also noticed a number of unsightly blotches. She traced these absent-mindedly with her hoof before beginning to read.
Dearest Twilight,
I hope that this letter finds its way to you as I am certain that I will not be able to ensure it reaches you myself. I don’t really know what to say to you. I have waited so long for tonight and for that one moment that I can’t understand why what has happened, has happened. All I know is that I would give anything in Equestria to change it.
I know what you think I said but I don’t know why. I can only tell you what I tried to earlier: that I didn’t mean what you think I did. I don’t know if I can prove that to you, I can only try. I love you, Twilight Sparkle, and I need you to see that. I hope that by the next time we meet, you do.
Yours for all time,
Rarity
Twilight read the letter over and over, trying to fathom what it meant. It was by no means an apology. Nor was it filled with anger or resentment. It looked more like Rarity was pleading with her. It was such an out of character thing for her to do that Twilight didn’t know how to react. She stared at the blotches. Were they tearstains? Had Rarity been crying as she wrote this?
She put the letter down, wondering. Much of what Rarity had written was the same as she had said at the park earlier. Somehow, she began to doubt herself. Had she been too quick to dish out accusations? She questioned what the other unicorn could possibly do to show her that what she was saying was true. Surely the letter couldn’t be everything.
She sprang up and trotted over to her bag. Hastily, she threw the dress on to her floor. There had to be something else here. Then she saw it. Nestled at the bottom of the bag was a collection of papers, each one with a single frayed edge. She gasped as she took them from the bag.
Sitting back down on her bed, she began rifling through them. She knew immediately what they were. They all bore Rarity’s unique handwriting and at the top of each page, there was a date. These were pages Rarity had torn from her diary. The earliest date she could find was one that she remembered well and a date that made sense as a starting point.
Dear Diary,
What a wonderful day I’ve had. My decorations have the town hall looking fabulous ahead of tonight’s Summer Sun Celebration. Interior decoration may not be my forte but Mayor Mare insisted I was the only pony for the job. I assure you, I’m quite flattered. I tried to recreate the splendour of Canterlot castle’s famous grand ballroom and it’s not too shabby if you ask me. I hope Princess Celestia notices.
Speaking of the princess and Canterlot, I met the most fascinating pony today: a unicorn mare by the name of Twilight Sparkle. She came upon me in the town hall while I was finishing off my decorations, looking awfully bedraggled. I dread to think what must have happened to her and she didn’t really say, but I took her back here to help her out. She has the most striking midnight blue mane I’ve ever seen with highlights of the most beautiful shades of pink and violet. You wouldn’t have known it at first through all of that frizz, but after a little bit of grooming, it looked magnificent.
Anyway, it turns out she’s from Canterlot! I didn’t get much chance to talk to her about that though. If only I had known sooner, we could have talked about the ponies and the society and the grandeur. She did say something about staying at the library during her visit, however. And did I not hear on the grapevine that Pinkie Pie was having a party there tonight in preparation for tonight’s festivities? I think I should attend. Perhaps I’ll see my new friend there. It’d be great to get to know her a little better. There’s something about her...
Rarity
It was Rarity’s account of a day that would live long in Twilight’s memory. The day she had come to Ponyville; the day she had first faced down the evils of Equestria; the day she had met her six best friends; the day she and Rarity had first met.
It had never occurred to her to talk to anypony about their first impressions of her. Yet here, in black and white, was one of them. Rarity had thought her beautiful and interesting. It wasn’t clear whether that was just because she had found out about her roots or whether it was something deeper. She wanted to believe that it was the latter, but she couldn't be sure just yet. It would, she reasoned, have been very odd indeed for Rarity to have included such damning evidence of the very thing she was arguing against. Twilight found the next entry.
Dear diary,
I’m glad to be home. The weather pegasi apparently scheduled a storm yesterday and I had to take shelter at the library. While I was there Twilight invited me to a sleep over. With Applejack of all ponies. What an absolute farce. That Applejack has no sense of style whatsoever. She doesn’t understand why details matter. Even though I can appreciate why she values getting things done quickly, that is no substitute for getting them done well.
That said, I can only hope that our behaviour towards one another didn’t ruin Twilight’s night. She didn’t seem to notice at first. I think she was too caught up in her checklist. But who can blame her? She was just trying to make sure we all had fun. It’s good to know there’s another pony in Ponyville who understands the merits of organisation and attention to detail, even if she can be a bit neurotic about it at times.
I did manage to enjoy myself in the end though. So all in all, not a wasted night. Twilight was an absolute delight once she had put her book down. She hides that sense of humour away too well. She truly is a wit. Maybe if she learned to relax a little every now and then, more ponies would get to see it. Though some of it might be a little over their heads.
Anyway, on my way home this morning, did I not...
That was as much as had fit on the page. Twilight felt a warmth spreading through her as she read. Rarity thought her to be funny. She hadn’t thought any of her friends appreciated her sense of humour. She may have been wrong about Rarity after all, just as Applejack had said. If Twilight’s status was important to Rarity, it certainly appeared that it was not the only reason she had felt attracted to her.
She read a few more of the pages, becoming more and more optimistic. There was one from the time that they had played Mare-Do-Well in which Rarity applauded Twilight's role in what she deemed to be a clever practical joke. Another had been written on her last birthday after the party in Canterlot. That one was a particularly interesting read. It seemed to confirm the idea that although Rarity was hugely concerned with her standing in society, it was nowhere near as important to her as Twilight had made it out to be.
In fact, each new page seemed to show a new lesson that Rarity had learned, whether that be about the importance of her relationships with her sister, her parents or her friends or just something as simple as a resolution to manage her time a little better.
Twilight had been under the impression that she had known this pony as well or better than anypony else in Equestria, yet it seemed at that moment that she had barely scratched the surface. The layers and depth of Rarity’s personality seemed to blossom forth through her words. They painted a picture contrary to that which had recently formed in Twilight’s mind; a fact of which she was glad.
Of course she could see Rarity's flaws represented too, but even the greatest of ponies has her flaws. Rarity’s however seemed to pale into insignificance next to her virtues, of which there were many. Twilight even found these flaws endearing. She laughed as she read page after page of frustration as an increasingly aggravated Rarity strove to impress her clients. She was the consummate perfectionist. Yet along with this came the industriousness and creativeness that made her stand out as an artist.
In those pages Twilight also found some stories to which she could strongly relate and which repeated on the next page she picked up. She read it to herself under her breath.
Dear diary,
I’ve just finished off the last of the outfits for that client in Fillydelphia. She was so demanding. I don’t know how she expected me to get it all done on time with all of her changes of heart and picky requirements. I’m so glad that’s over. I could barely recognise my original designs in the end. Some ponies just don’t appreciate my art. But there’s no accounting for taste, now is there?
In any case, once I had sent them off, I stopped by the library to see Twilight. I know I said I wouldn’t keep doing this to myself, but I just couldn’t help it. It’s like an addiction. I had to see her. I can’t seem to concentrate on anything until I’ve seen her. I’ve never felt like this about anypony before. I think I’m in love. In fact, I’m certain of it. This is crazy. She’s my friend. What would she think if she found out? And I can’t imagine what would happen if I told anypony else. Not even Fluttershy would be able to keep this one quiet.
I’ll just have to keep this one between us while I decide what to do.
Rarity
Twilight blushed. She remembered feeling exactly the same way. The excitement and apprehension that had consumed ever hour of every day, sapping her focus and reducing her to stealing time alone with the object of her desire just to get through the day. She also recognised the fear of what her friends would think. Even as she told Applejack and Rainbow about everything that had happened between her and Rarity, she had still felt nervous about letting this kind of cat out of the bag.
In the rapturous interest in with which she had been reading, Twilight had barely noticed that she had reached the last of the entries. She picked up the page, her heart in her throat as she read. The date was one which she knew. In fact, it was one that every pony in Equestria would recognise.
Dear diary,
Oh how I love Hearts and Hooves Day! I can’t believe that after all my worry yesterday, I didn’t actually have to spend it alone. What’s more, I got to spend it with the very pony I wanted to. I decided that rather than spend the day wallowing in pity, I would go in to Ponyville.
What a decision that turned out to be. I met Twilight and she suggested that since neither of us had plans, we could spend the day together. We had some lunch and took a turn around the park. She told me stories about growing up in Canterlot. Then we went to the spa and had cornicures before coming back here to relax and have some supper. Twilight was an absolute darling. I don’t remember the last time I had that much fun.
I wish I could gather up the courage to say something to her but I don’t know if she feels the same way. Being around her makes me feel like a little filly again. Somehow, though, I felt like the timing would have been perfect today. It would have been so romantic to have asked her to be my very special somepony on Hearts and Hooves Day.
I could have sworn I caught her staring at me while I was pouring the tea. That was my moment. But alas, my nerves got the better of me again. I’m terrified of what might happen if I told her and she wasn’t interested. What if she felt too awkward to be my friend an more. I don’t know if I could go on living without her.
Maybe it would be best if I didn’t say anything. But that wouldn’t do either. I can’t go for the rest of my life pining over her. I have to know one way or the other. Eventually. The sooner, the better. I can’t risk somepony else stealing her away from me, now can I? This will require some thought.
Rarity
Twilight smiled, remembering that day. She had had fun too. The cornicures had been magnificent and Rarity's tea had been wonderful as usual. She had been watching Rarity as she recalled, but only to see if she had been using any magic to improve the tea. It had been Twilight's best Hearts and Hooves Day ever and now it seemed that it had been Rarity's too.
How strange it was to see Rarity flustered like she was at the end though. Her silence when Twilight had confronted her made a little more sense now. She had expected a bad reaction and was caught by surprise when it hadn’t come. Then, when she had made what Twilight had finally accepted to be a flyaway comment, all Tartaurus had broken loose.
As she put the pages back in her bag, an unwelcome realisation came over her. Having read all of this, she now saw how wrong she was about the other pony. She understood that Rarity’s attraction to her had not been superficial at all. However, in understanding this, she realised twice now she had charged Rarity with being proud, shallow and selfish.
If somepony had levelled those accusation at her, she would probably never want to speak to them again. A solitary tear rolled down her cheek as she chastised herself for so hastily judging Rarity in such a way. It had been she who had acted proudly; she who had been shallow and she who had acted purely in her own self-interest.
For all this, she probably deserved whatever punishment fate handed her. There was every chance that she might have ruined any chance she had had to be happy with Rarity.
She looked at herself in the mirror: “What have I done?”
* * * * *
The opening notes of the morning birds’ cheerful chorus filtered through the library’s windows along with the first weak rays of the rising sun. Whereas that beautiful singing usually felt uplifting to Twilight, this morning their voices were most unwelcome. The lavender unicorn twisted under her sheets for what felt like the thousandth time. Morning had surely taken its time to arrive today. She threw the sheets violently from her bed, but continued to lie on her back staring at the ceiling.
The night had been long and restless. She had initially gone to bed in the hope that sleeping on things would refresh her mind. Yet after hours of tossing and turning, sleep simply would not come. Every time she closed her eyes, she was forced to relive the mistakes she had made with Rarity and the accompanying guilt made it impossible for her to relax.
The longer the night went on like this, the more nervous she became. She felt as if her world was collapsing. On at least four occasions she had jumped out of her bed in a panic and begun pacing in earnest, her mind working more quickly than if she had been taking a test. It was during these brief periods of exceptional mental acuity that she had come up with a plan of action.
She knew that if there was any chance that Rarity was going to accept an apology, it would have to be made soon. The longer she waited, the more likely it was that Rarity would begin to exaggerate the situation. With small things, this wasn’t a problem. When the issues were resolved she would always realise that she had been overreacting. This was no small matter, however, and much like the failed fashion show with Hoity Toity that might have ruined her career but for a stroke of good fortune, Twilight feared that she might descend in to a depression and try to lock herself away from the rest of the world again.
It was for this reason that Twilight had decided to make her way over there early in an attempt to calm things down before they became too much for anypony to handle. Rising from her bed, Twilight began her preparations for what promised to be a very difficult day.
All too soon, she was ready to leave. The fear and trepidation on this occasion were far worse than they had been the last time she had made the journey to the Carousel Boutique. This time she knew that if she failed in her intentions, it wasn’t just likely that things would never be the same again, it was a certainty.
She left at a canter, hoping that what she planned on saying would be enough to convince Rarity of her regret. A part of her felt like this was her last journey; that should she be unsuccessful, she wouldn’t be able to return. Despite all of the evil she had faced up to in her life – Nightmare Moon, the Diamond Dogs, Discord – this felt like the most perilous thing she had ever done.
The bridge across Ponyville’s gently flowing river appeared ahead and beyond, rising ominously over the horizon, was Rarity’s home. As she crossed the bridge, Twilight felt her heart beating heavily and quickly in her chest. There was no turning back now. This was it. The rest of her life now depended on the next words she said.
She stepped in to the shadow of Rarity’s door. The closed sign was still facing. Good, Twilight thought to herself, I don’t want any pony to see this. Every nerve Twilight possessed seemed to be standing to attention. Adrenaline coursed through her veins as she raised her right hoof from the ground. Even as she heard the knocking sounds from the door, she was plagued by doubt, unsure of whether she was doing the right thing.
There wasn’t the slightest sound issuing from the house. She panicked. Did Rarity suspect who it was? Was she ignoring it for that reason? Twilight had no idea what else she could do. She had come this far. She had to see this through. She raised her hoof, preparing to knock once more but before she could make contact with door’s surface, it had been moved out of the way.
Twilight swallowed. Her throat had gone completely dry. Words eluded her. There was nothing but the sound of the birds singing and the distant murmur of the passing stream. Thankfully, the other pony broke the silence that seemed to hang uncomfortably between them.
“Twilight?”
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Rarity's handwriting? Wouldn't that be hoofwriting? Or, I guess hornwriting?
Either way, GAH THAT CLIFFHANGER! The tension is killing me.
2605635 Kudos. I did originally have hoofwriting. But then when I was reading it back I was like, nah. It sounded a little too contrived to me. I don't know how I decide these things. I guess it's just a feeling.
So we meet again...
swisscinema.org/gimage/d29a32f7a832268731601e915d7a1465.jpg
For the notes you could use the Quote boxes
Also in a way it's not surprising that Twilight reacted the way she did. Being Celestia's student I don't doubt that there have been ponies who tried to get to know her only for her connections.
Believe it or not, the first scene of chapter seven is already written. Hot darn, I'm on a roll. Update will be within the next week if I can keep this up.
I enjoyed all the chapters before, but this one outshines them all. Those diary entries... Magnifique!
