A Certain Type of Chic

by WellKPony

Chapter Five – Undesirable Desires

Chapter Five – Undesirable Desires

The light of the warm afternoon sun illuminated thousands of tiny particles of dust as they danced around the library’s small study room. Spike watched their procession in a stupor as they looped and spiralled from ceiling to floor. An ornate quill was clutched loosely between his claws over an unfurled scroll while he awaited any dictation that might come.

So it had been for five whole days.

Twilight, in a bid to ignore her heartache, had immersed herself completely in her studies to the detriment of all else in her life. She read and practiced spells from dawn until dusk – and sometimes from dusk until dawn too. She paused only to take on as little nourishment or rest as possible, realising that it was in these unguarded moments that her thoughts would turn away from the logical pursuit of knowledge towards other more capricious occupations.

Its favourite destination was, of course, the last place it ought to have been: dwelling upon things that could never be changed. She was endlessly taunted by the memories of that evening, both the good and the bad.

Twilight coughed a little as she turned a page. Her mind grew hazy from a mixture of exhaustion and the uncomfortable heat of the summer afternoon and soon began to drift back to its usual pastures.

She was once again forced to remember both how frightening and how wonderful it had been to finally act out her desires, tormenting herself with her wishes for what might have been. Even when she relived what had taken place between them, she couldn’t forget any of the reasons she had fallen for Rarity.

She remembered every instance of kindness the pony had shown her, from spending the time to fix her mane the very first time they had met to the gift of a beautiful gala gown she had poured her heart in to. She remembered fondly their adventures, from the time they had encouraged a sleepy dragon to move its nest to their escape from the captivity of the Diamond Dogs. Even her mildly irritating fussing over details seemed endearing.

Yet all of this was soured by the constant reminders of her imperfection. In particular, her boundless self-importance which had allowed her to so readily hurt Twilight when she had been at her most vulnerable.

Twilight snorted, irritated with herself for so easily letting her guard down, before resuming her reading.

A few more minutes passed in silence when there came a very soft tap at her study door. Her concentration had been so deep that she had obviously not heard anypony enter the library. She hadn’t seen anypony since she had leant out a copy of Seeds and Bulbs to a stallion named Caramel. That had been two days ago. Startled, she quickly marked her page and closed her book, trotting to the door to answer the queries of her patron.

“Yes?” she said..

“Oh, um, hello Twilight. I, that is to say we, I mean the girls and I, we were just heading to the park and we were wondering, that is if you’re not too busy, if you and Owlowiscious would care to join us?”

Twilight stared at Fluttershy, who was smiling benignly, her bunny, Angel, sitting on her back. Twilight’s addled brain couldn’t comprehend what the timid pegasus was asking her. Go to the park. With her friends. With Owlowiscious.

Fluttershy looked around nervously before adding: “You know, because it’s been a week since our last pony pet playdate and, I mean, if you’re busy, that’s okay. I can just take Owlowiscious and...”

“Of course!” Twilight shouted, causing Fluttershy to cower in fright, “I’ll be right down.”

The pegasus picked herself up, blushing, turning in midair and flying back towards the library door: “Oh, that’s just marvellous. I’ll go tell everyony you’re coming.”

Twilight had completely forgotten what day it was. She hurriedly made two piles of books, instructing Spike to put the read ones away. She went to her chest and retrieved a worn sunhat which she balanced atop her head and picked out some bird treats from a cupboard by her bed. Some time with her friends would do her the world of good.

“Owlowicious? It’s play time!” she called.

A soft hoot answered her and the little barn owl fluttered through the library, perching upon her rump. She cooed at him before making her way to meet Fluttershy outside.

She closed the door, turning around and in doing so, she immediately realised her mistake.

Everypony was there. Rainbow was flying in place while her tortoise, Tank, flew in little circles around her; Fluttershy was keeping a close eye on Angel as he made repeated attempts to escape towards the park and Gummy was snapping impotently at Pinkie’s mane and tail. However, all of this was a blur. The only thing Twilight saw was the silver coated unicorn arguing with an amused looking Applejack while an excitable puppy chased her cat up a nearby tree.

Twilight froze, her eyes fixed upon Rarity. Her heart fell. She had been excited about seeing the other ponies; so much so that she hadn’t considered the possibility of Rarity being there. It was too late for her to back out now though. Questions would be asked: questions she couldn’t answer and the less of that, the better.

She watched the other unicorn who was stamping her hooves huffily, imploring Applejack to call Winona off . Rarity pointed her hoof at Opalescence, the cat hissing and swiping her claws at the puppy from her temporary sanctuary. Twilight felt a cruel sort of pleasure wash over her as she watched the situation unfold. Rarity deserved to be provoked like this. She grew more and more amused the longer Applejack let it go on.

Yet at the same time she felt the overwhelming urge to rush in and save the day. Applejack always listened to her. If she told her that enough was enough, the whole thing would be over in an instant. She couldn’t stand to see Rarity being goaded in this way. She could put an end to it and Rarity would...

No. She caught herself before she could go too far down this line thought. She couldn’t keep paying so much attention to Rarity. After all, there was more to life than that. She had four other wonderful friends whom she cared deeply about. If Rarity would only apologise, everything could go back to normal. Or almost normal anyway.

She trotted towards Applejack who had lost interest in her game and relented. Rarity turned her chin up at the orange pony, collecting Opal from the tree. Noticing Twilight walking towards them, she gave her a warm smile.

Twilight willed herself to return the smile, but couldn’t. She didn’t feel like smiling. Instead, she gave a perfunctory nod of acknowledgement. Rarity’s smile faltered and her gaze turned from warmth to resignation, before she quickly ran off to catch up with Pinkie and Fluttershy.

Twilight had no idea what to make of this. Perhaps Rarity had thought all that was needed was a brief spell to cool off and everything would be fine. She probably still thought she had done nothing wrong. Typical.

Nothing had been said, but the collective decision seemed to be that they were leaving. Twilight moved in to step beside Applejack who was still looking in Rarity’s direction

“Can’t take a bit of fun...” she laughed, “Howdy, Twilight. Long time, no see. Whacha been doin’?”

“Oh, you know me,” Twilight responded, “I just had so much reading to get through. I don’t think I’ve seen anypony for at least a week.”

The two trotted side by side behind everypony else in quiet companionship. It was a pleasant afternoon and the warmth of the sun coupled with the beautiful chirping of the summer birds was a pleasure Twilight had forgotten during her self-imposed hermitage.

This would be a fun day. She looked ahead to Rarity: she wouldn’t let anything, or anypony, ruin it.

* * * * *

When they had arrived at the park, Twilight lost herself once more in the joy of playing with her friends. She spent a long time watching Rainbow and Owlowicious showing Tank how to hold a straight line before joining Fluttershy as she chased Angel in a spirited game of catch me if you can.

During breaks in their game and despite her best efforts to avoid it, every now and then she would catch herself staring wistfully after Rarity. Occasionally the other pony would notice and throw a glance in her direction. Sometimes it was a smile and others just a long look but each time, Twilight simply couldn’t stop herself from trying to read the expression in her eyes.

There seemed to be a longing there. It felt to Twilight as if she wanted to say something but was holding herself back. There was a strange lack of confidence about her entire demeanour. Sadness and regret there was also but, much to Twilight’s chagrin, no hint of an apology.

Twilight slowly exhausted herself of the bunny chasing game. They had been at it for ten minutes, but Angel was just too quick. Fluttershy’s boundless energy was impressive, but the fruitless pursuit had taken its toll on Twilight. She decided to stand next to Pinkie while she caught her breath.

The pink pony was throwing Gummy in to the air over and over again, shouting ‘whee’ with each toss. It was impossible to tell whether he was enjoying it or not – his face was impassive as ever – but Pinkie insisted he loved it, so who was she to argue?

While she stood watching this odd game, Opalescence approached and began winding herself around Twilight’s forelegs. She smiled at the cat who was being oddly affectionate. She gave her a series of soft pats on the head, causing her to purr softly. She realised that this was the first time the cat had ever been satisfied with anything she had done. Usually Opal was very picky and high maintenance. In any case, she was enjoying her success.

“Oh, there you are Opal! I thought I’d lost you again. You must stop running away like that.”

Rarity appeared out of nowhere, her tail swishing gracefully behind her as she stooped to talk to the cat: “What are you so happy about?”

She clearly hadn’t noticed Twilight at first because when she stood up, she looked surprised to see the lavender pony staring straight back at her. After a short and awkward silence had passed between the two, Rarity decided she had best commence with the pleasantries: “Twilight, darling, how are you?”

It was such a simple question but it set in motion a train of very complex thoughts in Twilight’s head. If truth be told, she didn’t know how she was. At that moment, she was having a great time with her friends and she hadn’t been happier in days.

However, overall she felt terribly conflicted. She would be in high spirits one minute and unspeakably sad the next. And to make it worse, this was all because of the mare asking the question . She couldn’t possibly answer honestly. She pondered her response, turning away from Rarity and watching Pinkie-Pie again. She couldn’t trust herself to look at Rarity for much longer.

“I’m fine. I’ve been awfully busy. Studying and practicing spells. You know, the usual,” Twilight answered after some deliberation.

Pinkie had begun rolling in circles around Gummy, who stood staring, seemingly at a nothing.

“Oh, I see. So that’s why I haven’t seen you in such a long time, is it?” Rarity questioned.

Twilight didn’t answer. She knew that Rarity couldn’t possibly think that this was the case.

“It’s just that you had been coming to see me quite often. Every day since we returned from Canterlot, in fact. And now it’s been five days and this is the first I’ve seen of you,” Rarity continued.

Twilight sustained her silence trying to ignore the bait, though she felt herself becoming frustrated with this charade. It was quite obvious what she was doing. She wanted Twilight to talk about their argument. She obviously thought it would help. Why was she never content just to let things lie?

“It’s been rather too quiet lately. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had plenty of work to occupy myself with. It’s just that I had become accustomed to your company.”

Twilight stared in to the middle distance, actively trying to keep herself calm. She wished Rarity would just stop.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’ve missed you.”

This was more than Twilight could take. She turned round to face Rarity, looking straight in to her eyes. She couldn’t fathom fully what her intentions were or what the objective of this conversation was meant to be. All she knew was that she didn’t want to be a part of it.

“I’ve missed you too, but I don’t want to talk about this right now, okay?!” she shot at the silver unicorn.

Rarity looked pleased but, noticing that Pinkie had stopped what she was doing to watch them, quickly changed the subject.

“I trust Spike returned your saddle bags to you?” she asked.

That was better, Twilight decided. This was more neutral territory: like the weather, but more personal; the kind of thing acquaintances talked about. Though they weren’t acquaintances. They were friends. Or they were supposed to be.

“Yes, he did,” she answered politely, “thank you for returning them.”

Rarity continued looking at Twilight. A few long moments passed, during which Twilight grew increasingly uneasy. It was as if the other pony expected more of an answer than a flat yes or no. But what else was there to be said? Unless she was hoping that by waiting, Twilight would elaborate on why she had left them behind in the first place. If that was the case, she refused to be drawn in.

“Good. You left in such a rush. I simply had to make sure you had them.”

There it was. Twilight felt herself growing irritated. Why couldn’t she drop this? It was just one thinly veiled jibe after another. The only reason she had even asked about the bags was so that she could mention Twilight’s quick departure and try to force her in to talking about it. She then noticed that Pinkie had gone back to playing. That apparent ceasefire had just been for show.

“Then when I arrived at your house, Spike said you hadn’t come back. I was going to return them at another time, but I had thought that – and I know it sounds silly – perhaps you didn’t want to talk to me,” Rarity added.

For some reason, this blatant observation was enough to throw Twilight over the edge. She obviously knew that Twilight hadn’t wanted to speak to her. Otherwise why would she have stopped visiting? She felt herself burst.

“That’s because I didn’t! I didn’t want to talk then and I don’t want to talk now! I already told you! Why do you have to keep pushing this?!” Twilight screamed, pointing an accusatory hoof at Rarity.

“Well maybe you don’t, but I do! You can be so selfish sometimes!”

“Oh, I’m selfish?” Twilight said with a derisory laugh, “No, no, no. You’re the selfish one! You’re the one who only cares about somepony if she has royal connections!”

“That isn’t true!” Rarity replied, “I didn’t say that! You said that and I told you that it simply wasn’t true!”

“Oh for pete’s sake, Rarity, you didn’t have to say anything. Standing there, looking all smug, going on about how you seduced a Canterlot mare?! You may not have said it in as many words, but it was what you meant. Anyone could see that!”

There was stunned silence all around.

The park which had been alive with the sound of barking and tweeting and the excited voices of ponies enjoying some quality time with their friends, was suddenly still. Twilight stood breathing heavily, furious at Rarity. She could feel more than see the four sets of eyes watching them, yet no pony said a word. Not even Rarity herself, who was looking around, as if searching for an escape.

“Well?! You wanted to talk, so talk.” Twilight insisted.

Rarity continued to glance around, looking more and more anxious by the second. Eventually she opened her mouth to speak but appeared to change her mind at the last moment, preferring instead just to glare at Twilight.

“That’s what I thought. You can’t even think of a way to deny it. I can’t believe you. You’re selfish and you’re shallow. I don’t even know what I saw in you in the first place.”

Rarity looked like she was going to yell something back, but again, nothing came. In the end, a quiet sob escaped her throat and she turned, fleeing the scene.

Twilight felt a wave of triumph come over her as she watched Rarity disappear in to the distance. She had won the argument and what was more, she had been right all along. Rarity had only wanted her because of her position.

At that moment, her triumph suddenly felt hollow. Her legs gave out and she collapsed on to the hard, cold ground. This wasn’t what she had wanted. Even in the heat of the argument, some part of her had hoped that Rarity would tell her something, anything to prove her wrong.

She had wanted Rarity to tell her how much she loved her; to tell her why she loved her. She had wanted her to prove that it was for more than just shallow, petty reasons. She had wanted her to tell Twilight that she had taken everything out of context. Yet when she had been given the opportunity, she couldn’t. And that could only mean one thing.

She didn’t love Twilight.

That hurt her more than anything else in the world possibly could. She stared at the grass between her forelegs, feeling sick to her stomach. No tears would come. She had technically already cried over this. Yet somehow, seeing the facts right in front of her, it suddenly felt worse. Perhaps she had still hoped that there could be something between them. That last hope had now been dashed.

As she lay, she felt a hoof land softly on her shoulder.

“Are you alright sugarcube?”

Applejack’s voice was filled with concern. Twilight wasn’t sure what to say. She continued pulling at the grass beneath her feet. She wasn’t alright, and yet admitting it would force her in to talking about it which was what she had been trying to avoid in the first place. She looked up, seeing a set of bright pink eyes looking at her quizzically.

“What was that all about?” Rainbow asked.

Twilight looked around, suddenly expecting to see Fluttershy and Pinkie too. But of course Fluttershy would have gone after Rarity. Pinkie, she couldn’t explain, but that was normal. Even if they weren’t all here, she was grateful that it had been these two who had stayed behind; the two most rational of her friends.

“Now I ain’t never seen anypony lose it like that in all my days. I can’t imagine what she could have done to make you shout like that. All I know is, you look a heap troubled about somethin’” Applejack said.

Twilight suddenly felt ashamed. She had said things to Rarity that were just as horrible as the things Rarity had said to her. Even if they had seemed justified at the time, she wished that she hadn’t said them. She did know what she had seen in Rarity in the first place. She didn’t think she was irretrievably vain or selfish. She had just been angry.

Now, after what she had said, there was little chance of them ever being friends again, let alone something more. She and her petty desires had ruined everything. Why had she kissed Rarity? Why had she even let herself fall for her? She had known all along that it would just complicate things. In the end, it was her own vanity and self-interest as much as Rarity’s that had put all of her friends in this situation.

A heap troubled indeed.

Unbidden, tears began to stream from her eyes. She felt Applejack’s hoof patting her back and she saw Rainbow looking at her with an unusual amount of worry.

“Hey, Twilight, it’ll be okay. We’ve all had fall-outs before. Maybe we can help?” Rainbow offered.

“That’s right, hon’. Why don’t ya tell us what’s wrong and we’ll see if we can’t do somethin’ to cheer you up?” Applejack suggested.

At long last, Twilight relented. These two ponies weren’t trying to accuse her or make her feel bad about herself. As much as she didn’t want to tell them what had happened, she needed to tell someone. So she did. Staring at the ground the whole time and through countless sobs, she related the whole story from Ponyville to Canterlot to the Carousel Boutique to the park.

When she had finished, there was some nervous looks were exchanged between the other two.

“You kissed her!?” Rainbow exclaimed, aghast.

“Rainbow!” Applejack scolded the pegasus, before turning to turning round to look at Twilight, a strange pity in her eyes, “That doesn’t matter. What matters is that what happened, happened and now Twilight is upset.

“Now I’m just wonderin’, Twilight – I mean, I ain’t sayin’ you were wrong and I ain’t sayin’ she was right – but do you think that maybe you took things a little outta context?”

Twilight looked questioningly at the orange pony: “What do you mean ‘out of context’?”

Applejack looked thoughtfully in to the distance: “Well, I know Rarity. And I reckon y’all are right. Sometimes she can be a mite tryin’. She ain’t no angel, but I also know she ain’t one to fool around when it comes to love. She’s a big ol’ romantic at heart and I just don’t see her doin’ somethin’ like kissin’ somepony if she didn’t mean it.

“I reckon y’all might’ve taken her meanin’ wrong. It sounds to me like she was complimentin’ herself. But I think it’s more because, as much as she wants to be somepony, she doesn’t really think she is. An’ maybe she does find your position attractive, but as I see it, she didn’t say it was the only thing.”

Twilight thought about it for what felt like the hundredth time, but she still couldn’t agree with Applejack’s opinion. She hadn’t been there after all. She hadn’t heard how she’d said it. It had just been so out of the blue. It shouldn’t have been the first thought to come in to her head. She wanted to believe what Applejack was saying, but it just felt wrong.

She told Applejack this and she just shrugged.

“Like I said, I ain’t saying you’re wrong but it couldn’t hurt to give her the benefit of the doubt.”

Twilight nodded, still unsure about the advice she was getting. Yes, she loved Rarity, but she knew all too well that she was perfectly capable of hurting her. She knew Applejack meant well. She was just honestly giving her thoughts. Still, it felt to Twilight like she had missed the point. She shivered and looked up at the sky.

They had been there for so long that the sun was starting to set. Gone was the warm air from earlier. The ponies all rounded up their pets and headed off. The short walk back to Ponyville was completed in silence. When they arrived at the library, Applejack announced that she still had a way to go, so she gave Twilight a warm hug and left in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres.

Rainbow, on the other hand, hung around a little longer.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” she asked.

Twilight smiled brightly at the blue pegasus: “I’ve been fine on my own for the past few days, I’m sure I’ll be okay tonight.”

Rainbow nodded: “Of course, of course. But if you do need me, I’ll be around, okay?”

Twilight thanked Rainbow for her kindness and turned to go back in to the library, but before she got far, she felt a hoof on her flank.

“Wait, wait, wait, before you go, I’ve just gotta to ask: what was it like?” Rainbow asked in a rush.

Twilight cocked her head. Was Rainbow asking what she thought she was asking?

“You mean...?”

“Yeah, I mean when you... you know... kissed her.”

Twilight blushed. It wasn’t right to kiss and tell. She wouldn’t. Still, if she didn’t go in to detail, what would it hurt? She paused to think about it and realised that she could only describe it in one way.

“It was perfect,” she replied quietly.

Rainbow smiled at her and winked: “That’s all I needed to know. Thanks. Goodnight.”

With that she took off towards her cloud home, leaving Twilight alone with her thoughts in the quiet, dusky evening.

Comments

[Triforce of the Gods]

*reading a Doctor Whooves comic* *checks email and sees update* STOP THE PRESSES!

I noticed some grammatical things. Here you missed a word:

Fluttershy was keeping a close eye Angel

Missing on between eye and Angel

Other than that, I can feel all the feels from this D: Good job!

[WellKPony]

2539074 Thank you again. I'm glad you're still enjoying it. Chapter six will be a big one. Prepare for your socks to be blown clean across the Atlantic.

2539362 Godamn. I'm sure there's going to be a few of those. I'll comb back through it for minor edits soon since editing stuff from my iPhone is pretty arduous. But I'll fix the one you mentioned straight away.

Honestly, I'm extremely flattered that you got that excited about an update. =D Perhaps they're too infrequent. But I now have two whole weeks off my work. I think I might manage another one in that time. Possible this time next week or shortly after. See your inbox for details. =P

[super3rainbow1]

This has been quite a nice read so far.

Twilight sure is overreacting much. Yikes.

[WellKPony]

2540108 The wind will be so tempestuous that you may as well not bother with windbreakers. But if you must, put them to your West. I'm in the UK, so I'll be blowing them off via Russia and Japan it seems. Otherwise I would be sucking. And that wouldn't fit with this extended metaphor or the analogy I'm trying to create.

[WellKPony]

2540107 I think a lot of people have said that she's overreacting. I think she is too. Heck, even Applejack said so and she can't lie.

But in any case, thanks for your love! =D

[WellKPony]

2540151 Regardless, your socks will still be knocked off! I guarantee it.

[ShadowWing09]

2540107 I dunno, while I don't deny she's taking this badly, the damning point is that, like Twilight said, Rarity's really not even denying it. Having your heart broken can cause anyone to lose it the way Twilight did

2540150 Applejack can't lie, true, but she can be mistaken. It's not a lie if you say what you THINK is the truth but are wrong

[WellKPony]

2541206 A few people have said that too. I have to say I don't think Twilight is overreacting either.

Or maybe whether she's overreacting or not is subjective. That all has to do with which angle you're looking at it from and the limited information upon which you have based your conclusion.

As an aside, the opinions I express reflect perfectly the views of the person I'm speaking to.

You're right on the Applejack point too. That one is actually canon. The truth is, as above, based only upon limited information. If Applejack is missing a salient piece of information, she might draw the wrong conclusion. By sharing that conclusion, she isn't lying. She is misinterpreting due to incomplete data just as Twilight supposes.

But of course Applejack did lie at least once in the canon, depending on how you define lying. Withholding information can be tantamount to lying in some cases. Like in 'The Last Roundup'. But whether she's lying or not is up to the standards she herself sets.

Anyways, I'll let you discuss this all amongst yourselves. And no more trick questions. I'm watching you.

[Surprise Anschluss]

Usually I hate it to read it but you leave me no choice... MOAR!!!

[Delicious]

The first few chapters were good- but this chapter is true greatness.

[super3rainbow1]

2541206
I don't mean to just say that she's completely overreacting but she isn't really giving Rarity a chance to admit her intentions. Though, Rarity did say the wrong thing at the wrong time, it seems like she doesn't just like Twilight for her status.

[WellKPony]

2542695 I couldn't agree more.

I think you can see Rainbow's disloyal side in Dragonshy when she would willingly leave Fluttershy behind because she's too slow - or more accurately because she doesn't see her worth. Anyway, we're getting slightly off-topic. XD

[WellKPony]

For those of you who read my blog post, you'll know. If you didn't, I'll post it here too. Chapter Six is typed out. I'll be reading it through to fix any glaring problems tomorrow and then I'll be doing my last checks over it on Monday morning with a view to uploading it by Monday evening.

I can't make any promises though. I'm going to have to be very picky with this one. Rest assured that the worst case scenario is that I might not get it up until Thursday. I'm hoping to avoid that though, since you've all been waiting so patiently. This is my top priority for tomorrow ahead of eating and tidying my house. The missus won't be happy, but there you have it.

Look forward to an update is my point.

[Surprise Anschluss]

2596855
We are pleased to hear this... Continue.