The real "Light" hurts all, like an "Arrow"
Xero was walking through the city streets, he had taken to walking whenever he didn't have somewhere to go.
Coming upon town square, the tall-ish man found a stage set up.
A strange blue unicorn, wearing a purple hat and cape, was on said stage, performing magic like the 'magic' in his world, i.e. illusions, he didn't even know the basics of magic, and he could tell that that shit was FAKE and probably GAY.
He jumped up on stage with the speed of someone like him, a fucking ninja, because he's a fucking NINJA.
"I CALL BULLSHIT ON YOUR SORRY FLANK!" he shouted at the show mare.
"What is the MEANING of THIS, Trixie is the most powerful magic user in Equestria!" Trixie proclaimed.
"No, that's Twilight Sparkle, right after the Princesses, then there are all the ponies related to her, then there's 15 kilometers of shit, and then there's you." Xero put it into perspective.
"You are a fool for doubting me and an immature delinquent for using swearing to emphasize your point." Trixie countered.
"Bitch, I'm 90 YEARS OLD, granted I have the body of a 19 year old, but I digress, and swearing was made for emphasis, motherfucker." Xero retorted.
"You want Trixie to take you down with magical power never before seen in all of Equesria?!" Trixie threatened.
"GO ahead, do it, DO IT, DO EET, DO EET NOW!" Xero insisted, she had fallen right into his trap.
"I, uh, RIGHT, PREPARE to be AMAZED so much your EYES hurt." Trixie salvaged.
She had the case of 'all-bark-no-bite', like elves, Xero had compared, they claim to be high and mighty, they are, in a way, but only in one aspect, everything else they suck at, they're weak and fragile, anyone who gets in a physical hit on them would easily take them down, their fear is being challenged, but their stubbornness often leads to loss, and, in the case of table-top and video game RPGs, death.
"Go ahead, make my day." Xero challenged.
Trixie did try, she had a wide magical well, but it lacked depth, it lacked all the power to actually DO something other than appear.
Xero slam-dunked the straw that broke the camel's back, he YAWNED.
"*long yawn* Oh, was that it? okay then, my turn." Xero directed.
He jumped into the air, hovering with his jet boots, he brandished the Sephiroth, and sliced Trixie's hat in half.
"Amateur swordsmanship." Trixie brushed off the dislay.
"Well then, let me show you something advanced, bitch." Xero challenged, he dismissed the Sephiroth and summoned the Masamune, throwing the deceptively heavy blade at Trixie with extreme precision.
Trixie tried to catch it, but the Masamune was made of dark matter, a 1m long 5mm thick amount of it, which was still enough to weigh well over 2000 pounds, but sharp enough to cut through many inches of FeNiC steel in a single slash.
Trixie comically stood stock still, then the 2 halves of her fell apart, Xero zoomed away to grab the sword from the air and zoom back so fast it didn't seem like he had moved.
"BOOM, it's magic, now you're in halves, I'll just get you out of here to.... 'reverse' this, thank you, everypony, I have been Xero, and I will be Xero until I decide to change my name, see you all later." the blue haired man shouted to the crowd, grabbing the 2 halves of the body and speeding away with them.
He was having a great time in Equestria.
<<Xero's killing addiction transition>>
Coming to his base, Xero found a dragon trying to enter it.
He got al up in the dragon's grill.
"Whatchu doin' HERE." he demanded, he was going British ghetto.
"I need a place to sleep." the dragon revealed.
"Sleep somewhere else, there's a town nearby and you're smokey snoring could pollute the environment." Xero explained.
"Oh, I didn't realize there was a settlement, I feel bad that I could have been a bother, maybe a nuisance, or even a threat to innocent beings, I'll just go somewhere else now." the dragon apologized.
"Too late." Xero said suddenly.
"What do you mean?" the dragon asked innocently.
Xero, rather than telling, decided to show, he used the Blood Blasters to stun the dragon, and then, he turned on the Dragon's Breath.
"FUS RO DAH!" he shouted, incinerating the dragon's eye.
Not giving time for a response, Xero jumped into the air and used the Muramasa to zoom down the dragon's back, cutting its spinal cord down the middle, using the Aeroblade to slice its wings off, he finished it with the Sephiroth, stabbing through its body and coming out of the other side, the beast was far gone dead by the time it hit the ground.
Xero landed on top of the scaly beast's body, planting the blade of his sword in its back to signify his victory.
It was a great day.
He headed home, it had been a long day, and night was coming.
He stared at the stars, a thought came to mind.
"I want to meet this 'Princess Luna', if she makes the night, I'll have to thank her, nighttime is fucking awesome." he thought aloud.
Sleeping with an APS under his pillow, he drifted off to sleep.
He dreamt of happiness, he had a lot, and it was only growing stronger.
<<light bringing transition>>
It had been a month since his honorable act of slaying a dragon. Xero had grown closer to the ponies, more mellow.
There had been a big-ass rainstorm, but he just stayed inside for a bit, calibrating his cybernetic parts, making sure everything stayed functional, then he played in the rain, something he had liked to do since he was a young man.
There had been a town-wide case of ultra-racism. Xero stayed out of it, opting to cut down some trees to up his strength, he needed to get physically stronger, he couldn't even lift a tonne.
He had to play exterminator when a bug swarm attacked the town, he used the Grudge at least a hundred times that day.
He woke up one day, he looked outside, ponies were cleaning up snow.
He rushed outside and dived into a big pile of the white slush.
"WHAT YEAR IS IT?" he demanded, he had woken up the previous day to help remove leaves from trees in the middle of Autumn, now it was the end of Winter? Hell no.
"It's 1001 A.N." the frightened pony responded.
Xero almost felt the urge to pistol-whip this pony with the Joy Colt, but it didn't rise.
"Okay then." he replied, jumping out of the snowy slush and going about his day.
Things were going slowly, he watched for 20 minutes as less than a tenth of a square kilometer was cleared of clouds.
"Fuck everything." he said suddenly, taking to the sky and poring on the speed.
He did a fly-by of the town, pulling all of the clouds and snow behind him, sending them into the Everfree Forest.
Going home again, he watched out of the window as many ponies began enjoying spring.
Hearing a knock at the front door, he answered it.
Mayor Mare was standing there, looking more than a little pissed off.
"Whatever it is, this should cover it." Xero said simply, bringing forth his money-bag, pouring about 50 or so dark bits over Mayor Mare's head, slamming the door shut when he was done.
She left, he could see, suddenly happy with the money provided and no longer caring about whatever she was pissed off about.
Xero laughed, silly politicians, only caring about money, and nothing else.
He wiped the tear of laughter from his invisible eye, he went about his day.
He had things to do, things about stuff...
He was playing video games, OKAY?!
He was absolutely owning every single one of his opponents, he played CoD:BO2, had analyzed the stats with the eye of an RPG master, which he was, and dominated every enemy on every map in every gamemode.
It was glorious.
<<pony transition>>
Twilight entered the library after a hard day of working.
She had won the Running of the Leaves, Xero's closeness to all of them inspired her to get fit, and she won with ease.
She found the man of inspiration writing on a piece of parchment.
"Did you ask Spike for that?" the lavender mare interrogated.
"This should cover it." Xero replied, taking a second to throw a small object at her, she caught it in mid-air.
It was a dark bit.
"Right, ahem, so , what are you doing?" Twilight asked, she turned and put the dark bit in a safe place.
"Here, translate this." Xero said suddenly, she didn't see it, but he was on his way out the door, forcing the piece of parchment onto her, she grabbed it, intending to read it.
It was written entirely in fine, Japonese kanjis.
Twilight had no idea how to read kanjis.
"FffffffffFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU..." she screamed, levitating the entire foreign languages section to her.
She would read this message, and she would read it with VIGOR.
<<minor transition>>
She had been reading and cross-referencing the symbols Xero had written and the symbols that the book told her about.
This process had taken TWO DAYS.
She brought forth the final result, and read it.
"Make me into a pony, I want to see what it's like, you have magic, make use of it, plz." she felt dumber just READING the thing.
"Ugh, Xero and his shenanigans, fine, I'll turn him into a pony, and I'll make him a pony for a LOOOONG time, let's see how he'll feel." Twiligth plotted.
She wasn't good at revenge, that much was obvious.
<<mischievious transition>>
She waited until the outifts were made, she wanted to make Xero feel bad, but she didn't want to change anything with her friends.
Following the tall-ish man home, Twilight readied herself.
*knock knock knock*
"Huh? Oh, right, oh, hey Twilight, what's up?" he asked politely.
"Not much, I translated that message you gave me, and I have the spell ready, may I come in?" she asked innocently.
"Sure, I think the tea is done anyways." he accepted, walking to the kitchen area.
"Nice, how much tea do you even have? You always seem to be making more whenever anypony visits." Twilight observed.
She looked into the kitchen area when it was obvious that Xero hadn't heard her.
He had a fucking DELIVERY PALETTE of BOXES of tea.
"Wow..." she gaped.
"It's a lot of tea, but I'm British, so it makes sense, and I was raised in Japan, so it makes more sense, and I like to think of myself as part Puerto Rican." Xero finally answered the question.
"Why the last one?" Twilight asked in curiosity.
"It's because, when I steal from you, you're not getting it back in the same shape it was in, and if you steal from me, I fucking stab you." the tall-ish man explained.
"Oh, I see, well, let me just charge up the spell." Twilight got the conversation back on track.
Xero walked back into the living room, not knowing what was about to happen.
Twilight charged up a fuck-tonne of magic, she cast it upon Xero.
The energy flowing into him almost made him black out.
Landing softly on the white marble floor, the man-turned-stallion breathed in and out again.
Looking at himself in the mirror resting against a wall, he gasped.
"I look AWESOME!" he lilted, he enthusiastically looked at his whole self.
He had a light grey coat, bluish-green eyes, his teeth were fine and clean, his mane was like his normal hair, minus the ponytail, which turned into an actual pony tail, long and thin, but it had volume. His cutie mark was a almost-black-it-was-so-dark blue 'X' like a roman numeral 10. His mane and tail were dark blue, but the part he liked most was one thing.
2 things, actually, and they weren't his testicles.
He was a FUCKING PEGASUS! WOOOOOOOHHH!
His wings were, for some strange reason, cobalt blue.
"This is AWESOME! How long does it last?" Xero asked eagerly.
"A little less than 6." Twilight didn't finish her sentence.
"6 what? Minutes? Hours? Days?" Xero was a little bit worried now, he didn't want to stay as a pony for too long.
"Months, 6 months." Twilight gave a mischievious smile.
"WHAT? Why so long?" Xero was fully worried now, being a pony for some time was nice, but being a pony for 6 MONTHS? Hell no.
"Because it took me a long-as-hell time to translate that message you wrote." Twilight revealed.
"Oh, right, I just felt like writing in Japanese, I didn't think you didn't know how to READ Japanese, I thought you were like the smartest pony in Equestria or something." Xero admitted.
"Well, thank you for the compliment, but I had to learn the whole language to read your message, please keep it in Equish, okay?" Twilight requested.
"Alright, I'll keep it in Equish, it won't be that hard." Xero accepted.
"Right, well, enjoy yourself, I wasn't kidding about that 6 months thing." Twilight revealed, teleporting away.
"Well...... shit." Xero complained.
He thought about the things he could DO as a stallion, then he got to thinking, if the 'Gender Equality' issues were the opposite as they were on Earth, being that females are dominant and masculinism was fighting for stallion's rights, he could make something of that.
Then he thought about it further, all the things that females normally do, males do in Equestria.
He thought about prostitution, if the issues ran that deep, he could get some good fun from that.
He set out to find more information, he could get plenty of enjoyment out of this.
<<deviancy transition>>
Returning home sweaty yet satisfied, Xero had found out first hoof the depth of gender equality reversal.
Did he regret his decision? He rarely regretted anything, this was something he did not regret.
More-over, he found a way to turn back.
Using a simple disruption mechanism, he transformed back into a human.
Feeling odd, not just the dead weight of exhaustion, but more weight overall, the strange thing was, he felt lighter and springier, he looked at himself in the mirror, his visor off, he didn't see anything different.
He thought about WHY he was feeling off, turning back to his exploits, he thought about the mares he had sold himself to, all of them were healthy, and he was sure as the saying goes, his customers didn't have any diseases, at least, he was sure that 'Healthy as a horse' also applied to ponies.
His thought raced through his mind, the heat, the moisture, the words exchanged.
*POMF*
He jumped at the noise, he looked back intot he mirror.
He had MOTHAFUKKIN' WINGS!
The magic of the ponification spell had affected his base human biology, now he had wings, the same cobalt blue as his pony wings, he could feel the pegasus magic inside him, allowing him to fly, and walk on clouds, and manipulate said clouds, they would be like a colloid to him, somewhat solid, but somewhat liquid.
He preened his feathers, making sure his wings were healthy and functional..
He would cherish this gift.
He flexed the new appendages, the only limbs he had that were not affected by Raymanian Biology.
He flapped and turned and folded and furled, he found the maximum parameters of his new limbs.
This was going to be fun.
Laying down to sleep, he wondered what all he could do.
The possibilities were vast, expansive.
He would think about it in the morning.
<<aerious transition>>
Flying to Rainbow Dash's house early in the morning, Xero entered the fancy cloud house.
"Rainbow Dash, this is the Chamber of Commerce, we are here to make a racist joke." Xero decided to go comedian.
The cyan mare slowly trotted down the stairs, rubbing sleep from her eyes.
"What do you want, Chamber of Commerce?" the half-conscious mare asked.
"We are here to inform you that unless you shake your flank, your house will be destroyed.
"Alright..." Dash responded, turning around and giving a wiggle of her flanks.
"HA, wow, that was surprisingly easy." Xero said suddenly, going back to his original voice.
Rainbow Dash shot into consciousness.
Turning around and lifting her head again, she looked at the blue haired man angrily.
"I can't believe you just did that." she chastised.
"I can't believe you fell for it." Xero responded.
"Ugh, what do you want? I need to be well rested for Best Young Flier's Competition, this is the last year I can compete, the oldest you can be is 19 years." Dash revealed.
"Well, that's funny, because I just got an idea." Xero said.
*POMF*
"We're not having sex before OR after the Competition." Dash denied the unasked and unthought of question.
"I was just going to say that I was going to compete." Xero corrected.
"Wait a second, you, compete? How? Wait a second..." Dash trailed off, she finally realized it.
Xero had wings, and he was going to compete, AGAINST HER, in the BYFC.
But XERO HAD WINGS!
"Where did you get THOSE?" Dash questioned.
"I'm an elf, and thus, my responsibilities as a Saiyan Warrior/Jedi Knight have led me on help quest to come across the fact that equality issues are the opposite in Equestria as they are on Earth, thusly, I had several sessions of hot sex and was paid for it, leveling up my shadow warrior enough to acquire Exodius the Ultimate." Xero did not answer the question at all.
"But that explains NOTHING!" Dash rebuked.
"Just kidding, I still had several sessions of hot sex and got paid for them, but I was turned into a pony, and the magic changed my human biology so I have wings now, since I was a pegasus pony." Xero answered
"Oh, that makes sense, enough of it anyways, so, you have wings now, that's cool." Dash tried to make small talk.
"Yeah, they're nice, I like to think." Xero replied, the pair was reduced to small talk.
"They ARE nice, and pretty big too, you must be quite the sizeable stallion if you get wings like that." Dash complimented.
"I guess so, but I think they're proportional to my body size, so because I am a large-ish man, I have larger wings than say, somepony like you, who is smaller." Xero analyzed.
"Right, I think that's the case, listen, I'm going to go back to sleep, good-whatever." Dash dismissed herself, curling up on the couch and drifting back to sleep.
Xero found the sight cute, then again, things usually were cuter when they were sleeping.
Leaving quietly, Xero flared his wings and flew off to Cloudsdale.using his new GPS, utilizing the sattelite he had found, and zoomed off to the pegasus city.
He was going to compete, he was in his 19 year old body, after all.
This was going to be fun.
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You DID fly through things pretty fast there 0-0
That was, what? 4 episodes in one chapter?
Slow it down a bit...