When the CMC come up with an idea of how to get their cutie mark, all of them go to their sisters. Scootaloo goes to the closet thing she has to a sister, Rainbowdash, and they start to form a very close bond.
Chapters (6)
tony3xx4
Joined 21st Mar, 2013 ·
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Misspelling the CMC in the first sentence, is a terrible way to start.
There are a lot of mistakes here. Too many to put into a comment.
The most obvious changes is making up your mind if you want the story written in past-tense or present-tense.
The ending is very rushed, and becomes worse the closer the story gets to the ending.
The story concept is neat, but it's not well implemented.
I can provide some basic advice, and even proof-read if you want. But I am by no means an experienced writer.
2306996 Thank you for noticing the flaws, I would greatly appreciate if you would message me and proof read.
Your idea is pretty good, but to fully implement an idea, one must first master the ways of the grammar. I strongly suggest finding an editor of some sort (the more vitriolic and critical they are, the better). The issues in the story are primarily grammar and syntax, not your idea. There needs to be corrections, but then again, everyone needs corrections when they begin writing.
what?
What tense is tis story in? First, second or third? Plus ponies have hooves
2307018
Give me some time. I'm going through the chapter right now, and writing my critique in a PM to you.
2307106i do thank you very much.
Just saying, this story seems like it could be really good, but there are a lot of mistakes in spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I don't mean to be rude or anything of the sort, but I'm just telling you what I see so you can edit and make it amazing!
2308053 I did ask for the critizicm, The next chapter will be much better in that department. BTW, it will be out in a few hours.
2308078 :) alright. I'm looking forward to it!
This seems rushed. good other wise
i agree, it goes by a little to fast. but the idea behind it sounds awesome! i'd just suggest taking tim to go into a little more detail and slowing down the story a bit.
for my next chapter, there will be less story, and more description. I have followed all of the advise of readers, any more would be fine.
This is better than the last chapter but it still needs work. Might I suggest getting an editor?
2318639 hmm, I think that would be a good idea, do you know anypony that's good at editing?
i'd like to see where you take this story
2318927 no sorry, you should probably ask around, make a blog post or something
2319127 I definitely will look around, thanks again.
2319131 your welcome
One of the BEST 2nd chapters I've ever read!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't wait if there is going to be another chapter I cant wait for it!?!?!??!?!?!?!?
2321495 i'm already working on chapter 3, and I plan on making about 2 or 3 more.
One little nit pic I have is the lack of description where rainbow dash performs CPR. As a lifeguard I can tell you that it cannot be performed quickly and rarely does it ever work.
2322807 YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good story but it seems rushed for 1 why would Scootaloo really be so quick to admit she had no parent's for importantly you aren't taking the time to show them getting closer and learning what they have in common and your missing what I love most in a Rainbow dash adopting Scootaloo fic which is Rainbow dash doubting she has what it takes to raise a fliy
I'm not saying it's bad it's just seems your not taking soom details like how Scootaloo hates to look like a wimp in front of Rainbow and how tough it is to talk about not having parents.
i regret to inform everyone, but i will need to take a few weeks of a hiatus. The story will go on, but it will take some time. i thank the loyal fans that stay for the wait. I do apologize.
seems rushed but good concept might want to edit
MOAR
id say you could add a little more meat to all these large revelations and dicisions both are making. it just seems like you could throw so much more emotion into everything that transpiers. its a good story line like all the other scooalove stories but you need to put more into it than just what the reader is wanting and expecting. thats what separates an amazing scootalove story from just another scootalove story.
have a
Pfft, nopony is faster than Rainbow
!
Nice Chapter anyways.
>> Who's to say Rainbow didn't ease up a bit?
I noticed that you didn't captilize the letter "I' as much. Either way, good story.
awww poor Scootaloo!
But for the record, I kind of saw this coming.
As a new member to this community and a man who supports the idea of exploring a more motherly Raindow Dash but, she still being her regular self is something I myself wanted to write about. Still I shall repeat myself and say very well done so far my friend!
hate to sound picky or anything... but the lack of sonic rainboom sorta told me something... still lots of development to be made... Just a small question? shouldn't rainbow be in the wonderbolts team?... still loving the concept... kinda new to plot developments but anything (plot or editing related) I could help ya with, I'd sure be glad (plz not grammar, nor artwork)
2852464 Do keep in mind that the story is still not complete my friend. arch.413chan.net/Fluttershy_wink-%28n1301093870309%29.png
I wouldn't care to wirte some story which has already done so beautifly by yourself... I myself I'm writting a story for my alias "Shining Spirit" (in the process of mental plot developnet), whole different concept than yours, stil if I could help ya out, I'd be more than gladl
2852512 I do very much appreciate the help, and if, and when i require it, I shall keep you in mind. Good luck in your own projects.
Thank you I hope the best for this plot and its reviews.
never. say. those . words. oh what could go wrong? EVERYTHING!!
sometimes a simple picture fits better than any comment
That's not an epilogue. That's a sequel hook.
Hospitable? Whats that? Don't you mean Hospital?
2888535 Deceived by the school district yet again it seems.
2886415 YES YES IT IS!
2888555 XD
Man that hit me right in the feels
In my opinion, this went way too fast.
Y'know, I always found it obvious that a scooter was going to be SCOOTaloo's cutie mark. goddamn it, couldent they have kept it a secret