Hard To Say I'm Sorry

Rainbow Dash awoke elated – today was April Foal's Day. A day for having fun and playing pranks on everyone. "This year I'm going to get Pinkie Pie. I just know it!" she said with enthusiasm. In all the years they’d been friends she had yet to pull a single successful prank on the pink earth pony. Though she had frequently been on the receiving end of Pinkie’s jokes.

At Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie was up earlier than normal. "I've got to be up and at 'em early today. The sooner I get to work, the sooner I can laugh!" First up for Pinkie Pie was Twilight Sparkle. She burst through the front door of the library exclaiming, "Twilight! Urgent orders from Princess Celestia! The Griffin Empire is threatening to declare war! She wants you to scout around and discover the best invasion route. We need to strike them before they strike us!"

Twilight Sparkle thought it was odd that Princess Celestia would send a message via Pinkie Pie, instead of her usual method of sending a scroll via Spike, but then she remembered that Spike had been invited to spend the weekend on a camping trip with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Scootaloo had been quite insistent that the dragon come along with them, and Twilight was keen to broaden Spike’s horizons, especially if there was the prospect of a friendship report or two coming out of it.

But right now she had to focus – Equestria was in danger once again so she quickly grabbed a world atlas and began plotting the best course to the Griffin Kingdom’s capital city, Merv.

Pinkie Pie snickered as she left Twilight’s library. That had been far too easy.

Next up was Roseluck. "Oh, this will be even easier than fooling Twilight!" giggled Pinkie Pie, as she knocked on the door. "Roseluck, open up quick! Locusts are coming and they're headed straight for your garden! You've got to defend it!"

Pinkie Pie stepped aside as Roseluck dashed out of her house armed with enough bug spray to kill an army of army ants. She stood in the middle of the garden, holding the bug spray canister like a weapon. "Bring it on, bugs!" she spat.

Meanwhile, in Cloudsdale, Rainbow Dash had already found her first victim. Ditzy Doo was an easy target, so much so that Rainbow Dash almost regretted it. Just like she had almost regretted it the year prior, and the year before that, and the year before that… Really, Ditzy should know better than to leave her house unlocked on April Foal’s Day by now. Rainbow Dash grinned as she let herself in and looked around. Fortunately for her, Ditzy Doo was still asleep. That made Rainbow Dash’s job much simpler- a few snips from a pair of scissors and Ditzy’s golden locks lay on the bed beside the sleeping gray pegasus. She stirred and looked at the blue pegasus, “What are you doing in my house at this hour of the morning, Rainbow Dash?”

“Collecting your donation for Locks For Love. You were supposed to stop by my place last night but you never showed. And I have to turn these in this morning. Forgive me for the intrusion,” replied the rainbow-maned pegasus, doing her best to keep a straight face.

“Oh! Just like last year. I really should start scheduling this on my calendar. Thank you for remembering! Would you care to stay for breakfast?”

“Not today, Derpy,” Rainbow Dash used Ditzy’s nickname. “I have to get the donations dropped off before I start work. Time’s wasting. Thank you and see you again next year!” She sighed as she left Ditzy Doo’s house. She had forgotten she’d pulled the exact same prank last year. She was going to have to step up her game if she was going to beat Pinkie Pie, repeats just weren’t going to cut it. She flew down to Ponyville and quickly donated Derpy’s hair to the charity and mused how the golden hair would cheer up some poor filly suffering from cancer. Ditzy might not be the brightest pony she knew, but she did have a nice mane and tail. And she was definitely a good sport about the whole thing. Though the prank would have been more rewarding had the gray mare realized it was actually a prank.

Next on Rainbow Dash’s list was her oldest friend. Once more she silently let herself into a friend’s cabin, but this time she casually slipped a pair of black glasses over the yellow pegasus' eyes. "Fluttershy! Fluttershy! You've got to wake up!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed while Angel Bunny glared at the intruding light blue pegasus.

Fluttershy opened her eyes, but saw nothing. "Hey, is it still dark out?" she asked.

"No, it's as sunny as Princess Celestia’s cutie mark. Why do you ask?"

"I suddenly can't see anything."

"Oh gosh, I've heard of this happening. Twilight just warned me two days ago against taking too many naps. She said that if you sleep too much you could go temporarily blind. The only solution is not to sleep for a few days. Maybe you should drink some soda or coffee. Something with lots of caffeine," said Rainbow Dash, “But if you stay up three or four days your vision should come back on its own.”

"Could you make me an espresso, please? I would, but I can't see anything, not even shadows."

"I'd be happy to," said Rainbow Dash. Shortly she returned with an espresso, and an entire case of Mountain Dew. "You may want this soda too. I'll be back later with more if you still need it."

Meanwhile, Angel and the rest of Fluttershy’s animal friends were taking full advantage of the situation. Rainbow Dash watched the chaos and slowly backed away, letting herself out. As entertaining as it would be to watch Fluttershy’s critters go wild, there were still other pranks to pull.

Rainbow Dash burst into Carousel Boutique, "Oh Rarity, it's horrible! They just repealed the Law of Supply and Demand. It's total economic chaos! There’s rioting, nopony has any money, it's just horrible I tell you!"

"I just knew this would happen. Whoa is me! I just put all my money into the bank too. So it's all worthless now?" pondered Rarity.

"Indeed, Rarity. I’m sorry for your financial loss," was Rainbow Dash's reply. “If there’s anything I can do for you, just ask. Just don’t ask me for any bits, ‘cause I don’t do charity. You’re the generous one, not me.”

“Why do these things always happen to me?” Rarity flopped on the most convenient piece of furniture and started whining about how this was the worst possible thing that could happen, how it meant that she would lose Carousel Boutique, how she would end up a pauper, or have to move in with her parents, or even worse, how she would be forced to actually work for a living. Rainbow Dash made a much hastier exit from the boutique than she had from Fluttershy’s. Rarity was a good friend, but Rainbow Dash could only take so much of her overdramatic whining.

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie had just finished restocking Applejack's kitchen cabinets with empty cans and boxes. When the orange mare entered the kitchen to make breakfast, Pinkie Pie watched from outside her window. First she opened a box of Apple Jacks cereal, but to her dismay it was empty. "Hmmn, I just bought this box yesterday. I reckon I must’ve had a midnight snack in the middle of the night and plum forgotten about it. I'll just have the Raisin Bran instead,” she stuck her tongue out. Apples were the central ingredient of every meal on the Apple farm. She wasn’t even sure why there was a box of Raisin Bran in there – she certainly didn’t remember buying it, “Granny Smith must’ve bought it. She sometimes grabs the wrong box. I think she might be getting just a touch senile.” She opened the box and poured the contents into her waiting bowl, but nothing came out except air. “Ack! That's empty too!" Soon she started randomly opening boxes and cans, and soon discovered there was no food left in her house at all. "What in tarnation’s going on here? I've got to get to the store and fast – before Big Macintosh gets up!"

Pinkie Pie quickly dashed to the Ponyville General Store and put up the closed sign. A few minutes later Applejack galloped into town and saw the closed store. "Oh no, maybe they ran out of food too! If I take the train to Canterlot and shop really quickly I could probably make it back home in two and a half hours. There’s no way Big Mac’ll sleep in that late!"

So it went all day. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie managed to get the upper hoof on all of their friends and neighbors. Once that was out of the way, it was time for each other.

"Pinkie Pie is going to get a bang out of this. Literally," snickered Rainbow Dash.

"Pinkie Pie, Sugarcube Corner is on fire! Come quick!"

But the pink earth pony wasn't falling for it, "Happy April Foal's Day to you too, Rainbow Dash."

"Fine, don't believe me. Watch it burn down for all I care," said Rainbow Dash, muttering.

After pretending to walk away, Rainbow Dash followed Pinkie Pie back to the bakery. When she opened the door, a pyrotechnics display went off, effectively making it look like Sugarcube Corner was on fire.

"Yow!" yelled Pinkie Pie, as she dove out the door.

Rainbow Dash just stood there laughing, "Gotcha!"

However, her satisfaction lasted only a brief second. Sparks from the pyrotechnics had caught the curtains on fire.

The two ran through Ponyville yelling, "Fire!" but no one believed them, due to the pranks the duo had pulled on them earlier.

By the time Twilight Sparkle first smelled the fire it was too late. There was no saving the bakery. Pinkie Pie just stood there, shocked. All her jokebooks were gone, her whoopie cushion collection was turned to ash, not to mention that she and the entire Cake family were now homeless.

"I know saying I'm sorry isn't going to get your place back, Pinkie Pie, but I truly am sorry. I just wanted to get you for once. I didn't mean to torch your home in the process," apologized Rainbow Dash.

"Eh, these things happen, hehe," Pinkie Pie gave a half-hearted laugh. All she really wanted to do was cry, but she didn't want to make Rainbow Dash feel any worse than she already did.

"If it's any consolation, at least none of your stuff got burned in the fire... I was sort of planning to play another trick on you later. So I moved everything in your apartment into my basement. You're free to stay with me until we rebuild your home," offered Rainbow Dash.

"I'll manage. Don't worry about me. Just keep my stuff safe until I'm ready for it. Try not to throw it into the fireplace," taunted the pink party pony, anger replacing the understanding of just a moment earlier.

"As you wish, Pinkie Pie. I really am sorry. Please let me make it up to you, please!" she begged.

"Leave me alone! You've done enough for one day!"

Pinkie Pie couldn't contain her tears any longer, and ran off to cry in peace, with Rainbow Dash in pursuit.

"Do we consider it an accident, or arson?" asked Twilight Sparkle.

"I highly doubt Rainbow Dash meant to cause Pinkie Pie or the Cakes any harm. Come on, we need to talk to them," suggested Rarity.

"Come on, Pinkie Pie. You can even sleep in my bed. I'll take the couch. Matter of fact, just take my cloud cottage, I'll sleep outside!" Rainbow Dash was pleading with her.

"I don't want your house. Besides, I’m an earth pony. Your house is useless to me.”

“Twilight could perform that spell again. You know, the one that lets earth ponies and unicorns walk on clouds.”

“Yeah, and if it wears out while I’m asleep and that scary nightmare about falling turns out to not be a nightmare? Ha!”

"I...know. And there's no way I can tell you how truly sorry I am. But you've got to live somewhere. And I caused this to happen, and by all the stars in Luna’s night sky I'm going to fix it! I'll learn carpentry and rebuild Sugarcube Corner for you. Better than ever!"

"The bakery that Rainbow Dash built. Probably full of structural hazards," Pinkie Pie snapped.

"I give up. You win. I'll go away. I'm just very sorry. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me."

Rainbow Dash returned to her house feeling worse than she had in her entire life, "How could I have been so dumb? Poor Pinkie Pie. Poor Mr. & Mrs. Cake."

It started to rain as Rainbow Dash lay in her bed, thinking about her friend, "Gosh, I hope she's someplace warm and dry."

But Pinkie Pie had rejected her offer, and none of the others had been able to find her. Rainbow Dash decided to brave the elements and find her friend, “I can’t believe I got so caught up in pranking I forgot there was a storm scheduled today.” As weather manager she had taken advantage of her position to pencil in a last minute addition to the week’s weather schedule – a thunderstorm to hit exactly as the mayor was delivering a speech. But the thought of more pranks just left her feeling guilty. She found Pinkie Pie huddling in the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ treehouse in the Apple Family’s orchard. “Pinkie! You can’t stay here.”

“Sure I can. This is adequate shelter. A little leaky but it’ll do.”

"No way. You're coming with me.” She dragged her to the library where Twilight Sparkle was all too happy to perform the walking on clouds spell for her. Then Rainbow Dash flew her to Cloudsdale. She dried the poofy-haired mare off, made her a cup of hot chocolate, and finally escorted her to bed. "You're sleeping here tonight, where it's comfortable. Believe me, you’ve never had a comfortable night’s sleep until you’ve slept in a cloud! If you need anything, just holler – I'll be in the living room, sleeping on my couch."

"Thank you, Rainbow Dash."

"You don't need to thank me. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn't be here right now anyway. I'm just grateful you took me up on my offer. I'd hate for you to have to sleep out in this storm."

"I know you didn't mean it. Like I said earlier, these things happen. One of our tricks was bound to backfire sooner or later, anyway. What about the Cakes?"

“Twilight offered to put them up at the library for the time being, and Rarity’s letting them use the kitchen at Carousel Boutique so they can stay open during reconstruction. They’re being awfully understanding about the whole thing."

“Yeah, they’re good ponies. They’ve been putting up with my antics for years now. This isn’t the first time Sugarcube Corner has burned down you know…”

Rainbow Dash grinned, “Yeah, I remember that last fire. That was before I took the job as Ponyville’s weather manager but the smoke was so thick we could smell it all the way in Cloudsdale!” Rainbow Dash was glad to see that Pinkie Pie was slowly starting to feel a bit better about things. And she knew just how to bring her all the way back to normal, “Say, I went to a lot of trouble to arrange for Spike to be invited to the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ camping trip this weekend. I had a prank ready to pull on Twilight Sparkle, but I could really use your help on this one.”

“After all that happened how can you honestly think about pranking somepony right now?”

“Easily! It’s what we do. Admit it, you kinda want to too.”

The pink pony pondered the offer for a minute, “What have you got in mind?”

“Well…”

The two ponies looked at their handiwork. It had taken hours and a little help from Princess Celestia herself, but everything was ready. Twilight Sparkle opened the door to the library and tossed her saddlebag on the coffee table. It landed on the floor instead. “What?” Twilight may not have been the most coordinated pony, but she tossed her saddlebag the same way every day and it had never once failed to land on the table.

She grumbled, “First Pinkie tricks me into thinking we’re invading the Griffin Kingdom, then Dash burns down Sugarcube Corner, and then Princess Celestia summons me to Canterlot to discuss the ‘international incident’ I almost caused. And if that wasn’t bad enough she had grill me about the fire before finally suggesting that both of these regrettable situations could be covered up. I swear it’s almost like she was pranking me too. Now what could possibly throw my aim off?”

She examined the offending table. It was still the same coffee table, but something was off about it all right. It was exactly two inches further to the right than normal. She could see the slight discoloration on the floor where the legs had been. She looked around the library and she could feel a sense of dread washing over her. Everything had been moved two inches to the right. Her OCD kicked in and she started hyper-ventilating. “My… neatly… organized… library!”

“April Foal’s!” Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash shouted, popping up from behind a bookshelf.

“Gah! After everything that happened today, you two still pulled another prank? I don’t believe this!”

“But they’re working together, my little pony,” Princess Celestia walked into the main room.

“Princess Celestia! But…I was just talking to you in Canterlot. How…?”

“I know the same teleportation spells you do. You really do need to lighten up a bit. Not that these two couldn’t stand to be a bit more serious, especially after all the mischief they’ve caused, but they’ve managed to build a stronger friendship as a result of the adversity of today. Which in turn resulted in teaming up for one last prank before the night was through.”

“You were in on it, weren’t you?”

“Of course. It’s not like the griffins ever found out about your attempted invasion plans. I must admit, they’re actually well-planned for someone who has no tactical experience.”

“I did some reading. There are several books on Commander Hurricane in the library, and she’s considered the last great military genius in Equestrian history.”

“Very good. Now I must return to Canterlot, but first,” Princess Celestia’s horn glowed as everything in the library was shifted two inches to the left. “I think you’ll find everything is back to normal.” There was a flash of light and the white alicorn was gone.

The three remaining mares had a quick laugh and then decided to call it a night themselves.

Pinkie Pie awoke the next morning to breakfast in bed, courtesy of Rainbow Dash.

"Least I can do, really," she said, hugging her.

"You don't have to do all this. I just appreciate the roof over my head. That, and your help rebuilding Sugarcube Corner."

"Speaking of rebuilding, well, don't worry about it. It's being taken care of."

"How?"

"I managed to get some experts. Twilight drew up the plans, and Applejack and Big Macintosh started construction. I was told to keep you company until it's done. They kind of decided that my help wasn't necessary after I drove the bulldozer into a tree..."

"You drove a bulldozer into a tree?" asked Pinkie Pie.

Rainbow Dash hung her head and meekly replied, "Yes."

"I wish I had seen that!"

"Oh, and Fluttershy is being extremely helpful on the construction effort. I don't think she slept all night. She kept running supplies back and forth to the others. Which may have something to do with all that espresso and Mountain Dew she drank earlier..."

"You mean that still hasn't worn off?"

"Nope!"

Within a few weeks, Sugarcube Corner was reconstructed. Fluttershy was finally sleeping through the night again, and had gotten over her caffeine addiction. Ditzy Doo's mane started growing back in. Everything was back to normal.

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