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Thecrazyrabidfangirl
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Thecrazyrabidfangirl
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Very Nice Story, Do Not Put Attention To Whatever Is Up There(in my comment)
I'm being delusional 
You know, It is funny that when a character is not clearly defined, two or three more or less homogeneous ways to interpret it are generated
This one is the Immortal with mortal hearth. A classic. Might get its own sub-genre
. I quite like it.
.... considering that this is getting overused and I'm using as a plot driver on my story 
NO MORE, Y'ALL MADE ME CHANGE THE INTERPRETATION
EDIT: I edit too much my comments
Well, I was inspired by Eternal in certain aspects of the story, but surely it isn't THAT similar to Eternal? I only read up to chapter 4... so if it's really similar, I apologize. 
I mean, I know Eternal deals with *spoilers* Celestia's death (at least it appeared so from the last chapter I read) but my story has a different reason for it, an advanced timeline, and a regret/guilt theme. */spoilers/*
Well, I'm glad, and you liking it is truly an honor since Eternal was so well written (though I wish it wasn't so slow-burning 
but it's wonderful nonetheless and I hope to finish reading it soon). I was worried my story might be seen as too similar, but as you said, it's a plotline that presents itself readily. Thanks again! 
You know, I've read your comment several times and still can't determine if it's positive or negative... I hope it's the former. 
Well thanks, I'm glad I could be your first fave.
Thanks! As they say, originality is pretty much dead, but that doesn't mean you can't give an improved/better spin on a concept, which is what I tried to do.
Sadder than My Little Dashie?! Now that's a compliment! 
Thanks to all the other commentators!
~Rabbidfangirl
A sad story, to be sure, tragic even. 
I don't mean to be insulting, but I think killing off Celestia is just crazy. *critical words begin here* Either they're immortal or they're not, can't have it both ways. If a broken heart could kill them, they'd probably both have died long ago. If you take the mortal, but extremely long-lived premise, then Luna is probably a thousand years away from dying, literally. Big Problems Arriving Soon! If you go with immortal, then Celestia can be utterly incapacitated, "mindless", mentally absent, almost lifeless, and practically useless, but she can't die, unless something greater than them intervenes. The latter is the kind of the tack Eternal took I suppose, even though the cause was Celestia's own fault in that case.
Well, I took the ambiguous approach in my story, but Luna sums it up herself. See, the way I see it, Celestia and Luna weren't born alicorns (there'd be alicorns running around all over the place otherwise, if ya ask me). They became alicorns when they took up the Elements of Harmony to defeat Discord, that's what I think. The idea is that the god-like power they attained from the Elements of Harmony had begun to wear off, that's why Celestia was rapidly declining, because the way I envisioned it is that her body was made ageless by the power she gained. But since it's now fading, her advanced age is rapidly catching up with her, thus her speedy decline. I have no idea where people got this "they're immortal" idea from, I mean sure, I follow along with that, but as you can tell I didn't in this story. There's nothing in the canon that even remotely suggests they're immortal, the only known facts are that Celestia is just over 1000 years old, that's it. A long time to us, yes, but hardly evidence of immortality. And you hit it on the head with Luna, and I was going to allude to it in the story, but I decided not to. She has about 1000 years left after Celestia's death, and she can pretty much figure that out for herself.
Yeah, I thought this all out pretty deeply, but what would be the fun if I explained it point-by-point in the story? You're free to decide for yourself. Thanks for your comment.
Truly a wonderful story. I would agree, this is indeed a sad fic and one that filled me with pangs of emotion. However, for me, it is also a happy one in the end. an immortals exsistence is both a blessing and a curse. an immortal is blessed with longevity, with the ability to be abnle to live ong enough to see incredible things no other person would even live long enough to see, but they are also cursed, for they will have few to share it with.
For in the end, it matters not how long you have, but what you do with that time, and whom you share it with, for that makes live all the more worthwhile. I am happy for celestia now, for Celestia has now attained that which all immortals desire, and she will be able to frolick in the eternal summerlands with one of her most beloved loved ones forever. i thank you for a story like this, it truly did move me.
Pristine writing. Superior level of showing, not telling. Good grasp of reader's attention. While it is true that the 'general idea' has been done before, I've never seen one of those stories with such... intricate plot? Oh, look at me, I can't even voice myself.
I have to concur, this is sadder than My Little Dashie. But MLD has something that your story lacks: manipulation.
MLD clearly manipulates the reader into feeling sadness; shoving it down our throats. Your story is quite the opposite. It allows the sadness to gently embrace us and carry us through the tale.
And that is why I don't think you should take 'sadder than MLD' as a compliment. But, heck... what do I know?
First of all, I'd like to say congrats on getting this up on EQD!
It's almost unfortunate that Device wrote Eternal so well, because every single Celestia fanfic gets compared to Eternal. Fortunately, your story put a whole new spin on Celestia and her interaction with Twilight and indeed her reaction to Twilight's inevitable death, which is something I can certainly respect. I've read far too many fanfics to tear up at anything short of My Little Dashie, but the tragedy/sad tags are rightfully there. The best part of the story must be the uniqueness of the actual plot. I don't think I've ever read a story where Celestia dies because of natural causes/regret for Twilight's death. Sure, I've read plenty about Celestia dying FOR Twilight, and even some about Twilight being the one to kill Celestia, but your story puts a new spin on the idea, and I love it.
The one critique I actually have is that I feel the story lacked just a little bit of imagery. Some parts of the story were extremely vivid, for example when you described the Royal Gardens. However, almost none of the other ponies in the story (the doctor, the General, the first petitioner) were described at all. I know that describing little details like this can sometimes seem burdensome, but doing so adds a nice picture in the reader's mind, transforming the image of Celestia sitting on her throne wearily listening to some ambiguous aristopony, to Celestia sitting on her throne wearily listening to a very specific aristopony. The transition might seem tedious, but the slight addition of detail can make a scene really take hold in a reader's mind, which improves the experience greatly. On top of that, don't be afraid to use color!! When you were describing Celestia's study, I got a full feel for the room, but it was completely colorblind. Don't be afraid to tell about the lush lavender cushions that just so happened to complement Twilight's coat, or the regal mahogany wood flooring given a slight red hue by the setting sun.
Aside from my critiques, this here is a very nice story, and thanks for sharing it!
-Shotdown
Touching, and beautiful.
It's not important if Celestia dying is illogical. Emotions it creates in readers' hearts is what matters in this kind of story.
Author leaves room for us to picture other characters and scenery. After all, it has been 3 thousand years since Twilight's death, so a lot may have changed, but it could very well stay the same way we see in FiM.
I know I myself wouldn't (and never do) enjoy the story if everything would be served to me on a silver plate.
oh man... I thought "My Little Dashie" was sad... and then I read this... this is a very beautifully written tragedy. It hit me especially hard, I believe, because Twilight is my favorite... and the story was well written, tying the past right into the present was excellent. Also, tying in Philomena's mortality was a nice touch,. showing just how alone Celestia was.
Wow...I haven't cried at a fic in a while
Amazing job! Personally, I don't agree with the idea that Celestia/Luna got their powers from the Elements, but it's definitely an interesting idea. It would only make sense then that their powers would fade after time, so I commend you for keeping the idea coherent and running.
Immortality/longevity is a true curse. To be eternally trapped in an endless cycle,
Continually watching those who surround you slip away into oblivion is a hell that
leaves the soul jaded and unfeeling, something that noone should ever endure.
Twilight was the only one Celestia ever cared about enough to be that close to, even
knowing her eventual fate. To have someone you care so much for struck down in their
prime doing something you asked them to, and then having to carry that knowledge
for millenia, would cause a guilt more painful than any wound. To have finally had
the suffering end and find absolution from her guilt is both a beautiful and
tragic end that deeply moved me. I commend you
on this brilliant workthat has moved me to such emotions. Bravo.
well the first part does resemble Eternal, but I knew that this was going to be different.
Too bad it's short lived, 'cuz a lot of things were left unresolved. Though, I believe that's not the main point of this story. Strange, I actually don't feel bad Celestia died, which is good. I don't think I'd like to invest too much emotion on very sad stories.
Anyway, it was a nice read.
Couldn't have said it better myself. You're welcome.
Well thanks. Though, I don't get what you mean by saying I shouldn't take someone saying this is sadder than My Little Dashie as a compliment. Is it just because they're done so differently that it's not really a compliment?
*brohoof*
You're right, for the most part. I should've added a little more color description to certain scenes. However, I don't like to put a lot of showing into relatively unimportant things, or in this case, ponies. Showing is all fine and good, but overdoing it is just as bad as telling. If I went the extra mile to put a lot of physical detail into some ponies that served no purpose past a single scene, it would've distracted from the overall scene. Kind of like a really long panning shot focusing on something unimportant in a movie and you're just thinking "get on with it already!!" Also, since the story is about Celestia, you can think of it as an extension of her displeasure at the aristocrat's presence that he remains a faceless nobody, and the same with the general, that she was so tired it gives better imagery to just how out of it she was that he's just a faceless warrior. I didn't intend it that way, but you can see it that way if you like. Thanks for your critique, I really like it when people give long comments. I'll try to be better about adding colors to my scenes in future stories. 
Edit: Forgot to say, thanks for the congratulations about the EQD feature ^^
I know it's not the popular theory, but since their immortality is only fanon speculation and since there's no canonical explanation for why they have their powers (and, as I said in another comment, logically if they were born alicorns there'd be more than a handful running around) I came up with my own. I'm perfectly fine with the "they're immortal just 'cause" popular theory, but I think it's more fun to explore/create my own theory behind it. Plus, it makes a whole lot of sense when you think about it: Celestia and Luna were just normal unicorns (or pegasi, but I prefer to think unicorns) under Discord's reign. They go on an adventure to find the Elements of Harmony, knowing that it's the only way to stop Discord. They find said Elements, and three of the Elements are bound to each sister, transforming them into their initial alicorn forms. They defeat Discord, but soon after Luna rebels and Celestia is forced to take up all six Elements to defeat her sister, greatly amplifying her power. This explains why Celestia's hair is pink pre-Luna-Rebellion and why it's multi-hued after she had to take up EVERY Element at once.
Well, that got majorly off track. Er, glad you enjoyed it! 
It truly is a curse Very well put, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Yeah, I was worried it might get compared to Eternal too much, but I'm glad it's different enough. I know I left a lot of things unresolved, but it's supposed to be that way (for this story at least). The story was about Celestia, and thus I felt it would be kind of strange to have it continue on after her death. Glad you enjoyed.
Write one about Luna..? Hmm, I don't know. Perhaps I will, though I wouldn't really know where to begin. We'll see? 
Thanks to all the other commentators I didn't specifically mention here! You guys are awesome
~Rabbidfangirl
Plus, it makes a whole lot of sense when you think about it. Celestia and Luna were just normal unicorns (or pegasi, but I prefer to think unicorns) under Discord's reign.
I hope you're not saying this is canon ? Because it sounds like this to me, I may be reading it wrong, though
On a side note, I clearly disagree on the curse of immortality. Simply because we think about it with our human minds. Sure, as a human, it would be pretty boring and would probably drive any of us crazy. But what about another sort of mind ? Of a different and more evolved kind of being ? We are not sure of the true nature of the two sisters (I asked Lauren Faust about that, I hope for an answer ! Eventually...), thus, we don't know if they are fitted to be immortal or not. In the eventuality they actually are, immortality/eternity is not an issue any more.
It's like the idea that Celestia cannot be happy and love all of her subjects through a very long life, just because we can't. I believe it could seem less interesting for some people and that it can bring very interesting stories, but it's not totally impossible. I won't develop it here since we can explain her irritation by the approaching doom of her death and her grief about Twilight's death.
I don't disapprove of your theory though, it fits very well in your story. I'm just sad people have to bring down divinities/higher beings on a human level 
.
I find your story very well written. More specifically, I love how you've mixed up illusion and reality. Very smooth, it was downright awesome. But I do hold a grudge against you for breaking my heart.. when I finally realised how and when Twilight died.. So unfair .
Very, very sad, thus good, story
My love for details has bring this to me :
"She had waited thousands of years for the moment where she could at long last utter those words of regret, of sorrow, of guilt to her student."
Isn't it stated that she, Twilight, died three hundred years ago ?
Well, you took what I said (about Celestia and Luna) out of context. I was going on an exposition about my personal theory, and that's part of my personal theory, thus why I phrased it that way.
And you're exactly right, we can't know about their true nature yet, which is exactly why my theory is perfectly valid until it is canonically contradicted. You say "we shouldn't bring them down to our level" but, as my personal theory goes, if they were just normal unicorns when they became alicorns, they'd have the mentality of regular ponies, so therefore they would think the same way we do after living an incredibly long life. Besides, we don't even KNOW that they're divinity, that's stated nowhere, it's just the popular theory that they are. The fact that Celestia and Luna control the sun and the moon is by no means indication of divinity, because the unicorns used to control the sun/moon before Celestia and Luna even existed. It's more just a sign of their extreme power that they can do it on their own. But, of course, I'm not really arguing against you, just presenting my own theory vs. yours, and I myself do like to think of them as divinity. But, as in a LOT of fantasy/mythology, their divinity is most likely acquired.
I'm glad you liked it though, and thanks for taking the time to write out a detailed comment, I always love when people do that.
And, on an ending note about your "love for details" comment:
"Luna glanced over at her sister, who shifted in her bed and mumbled incoherently, and fixed her with a deeply troubled look.
'She died nearly three-thousand years ago.'"
~Rabbidfangirl
True. As humans we could never understand divinity or immortality. The only thing we c an understand is what we see for ourselves.
The way I see it, even if she is divine or immorttal, she still lives among her subjects and has feelings just like they do. This likely means
would feel loss. The bond she had with Twilight was like a mother and daughter, so losing her would have been devastating. And the
story did talk about the tedium she felt with constantly handling the endless requests and cowtowing. So i tend to agree with fangirl's
view of them having great magic but not being truly divine. But I digress. You are entitled to your opinion and we can both agree it
was a good story.
Beautiful. I really love stories that are both joyous and somber at the same time, and I feel this is one of them. Unless one's mind were changed as well as their body when becoming immortal or nearly so, no normal person could withstand the anguish of living past all of their friends and loved ones. Therefore, Celestia's death was more a release than anything else.
On a different note, I find this possible story line interesting. The first fanfic I ever read after becoming a brony was The Circle of Friends (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/125/1/The-Circle-of-Friends/), and for the longest time, that was the only possible future for me. Granted, I didn't give it much thought, but somehow I didn't really think Celestia would outlive Twilight. I thought she would either find a way to pass on her pseudo-immortality to one of 2 true loves, or Twilight would figure out a way to do it on her own, given her skill with magic.
Anyway, great fic. Didn't quite move me to tears, but I certainly got tight-chested near the end.
Well, congratulations. And thank you so much. For tearing my heart right out of my chest, breaking it to pieces, burning the pieces to ash and then pissing on said ash. That's how I feel right now. And the only thing I can do to get back at you, is to favorite your story and give it a thumb up. It's unfair, to say the least.
The fic was so beautiful and moving I cannot even think straight now.
Leave me be, while I cramp up in a corner of my room and melt into a puddle of tears.
Why are there no other sad emoticons? 
OK, now that I've collected myself a little, let me say a few words. They may still not make much sense though.
First of all, I really admire you for pacing the story just so. It doesn't advance too fast or too slow, building the emotions in the reader.
At the beginning though, I really didn't expect it to turn it that way. You can just imagine how I felt when Luna reminded Celestia that almost 3000 have passed since Twilight... Well, here's what I looked then:
Image: http://a2.twimg.com/profile_images/1610552958/Raisins_Face_reasonably_small.jpgRight then, the story took a whole new meaning, it chew the heart right from my aching chest and spat it on the ground. I was all like: "Oh my, I don't like where this is going." But, stupid me, I kept reading, regardless of the tears that made it really difficult. Then came the part in the middle, when Luna mentions to the doctor that Twilight was a diplomat. And with the info that the griffin-dragon war hadn't been solved peacefully, a feeling of dread lingered at the back of my head. My heart was already broken to pieces by this time, so I guess that's when you burned it to ashes. But I stubbornly kept reading, right until the point when you described how Twilight met her end. Sorry, but my only reaction was:
Image: http://i1236.photobucket.com/albums/ff452/violetxhavok/The-Office-gifs-the-office-14948948-240-196.gifHow could you do it? I know why you did it, what purpose it served, but still... I read the story to the very end and I have to say it: I don't give a flying horse feather about what happened to Celestia. I didn't feel for her through the entire story, I felt LIKE her. I would like to think that's it because of your writing skills. You could manipulate the reader (at least me) so well that you forced Celestia's feelings inside my poor heart. If it was for any other reason, then there's surely something very wrong with me, that I wouldn't like to admit to myself.
I can only find two things that bother me in your story:
1. If I were Celestia I would have wiped every dragon and griffin from the face of Equestria, but she took it in and even managed to endure it for 3 millennia.
2. If she endured Twilight's fate for 3000 years, how come she snapped in a nearly few days after those 3000 years?
Mind you, those two bothers come from the limitation of my mind that cannot even comprehend what it feels to live that long, not from the lacking of your writing.
And in case you're wondering whether I'm actually praising or criticizing you (or you just look for a little tl; dr), let the star and the thumb speak on my behalf. I will not accept what happened to Twilight, but I guess it's good to be reminded of having a heart (even in such a violent way) once in a while.
for me immortality would be totally awesome, I'm not too emotionally attached to anything at all, but reading this story made me realize that it may be so difficult that it's nearly impossible, but given eternity one can find THAT one person you cannot live without, and when it's gone... well we saw just now...
I... I don't even know what to say.
To say that this is beautiful would be an insult.
Offtopic - As someone said before me, If I were in Tia's place, godlike being with near-endless powers, there'd be no griffins or dragons left. But... that'd be another story, for in this one, she did not what I'd do.
Once again - more, much more than beautiful.
"She died nearly three-thousand years ago." Fuck me for reading this, and fuck you for writing this. its 3:30 in the god damn morning, I have school tomorrow, im sick, and NOW, Im sad AND I have to finish reading this. Fucking....... Gahhhhh
Why do I like reading such horrifying things?
Well
I guess I never really needed that heart. Its gone now, ripped to shreds by this story.
Its things like this that are the reason I don't cry anymore. What could compare to the raw emotion of something like this?
Nothing I've ever felt.
In all honesty this is one of the most agonizingly sad things I've ever read. Thinking about it feels like swallowing burning ashes. If I had the knowledge to critique this properly I would, but I don't, and I do apologize for that, but you will have to make due with what ever this is. The emotion in this is so strong, so perfect, even trying to use words to describe it is a let down. This is one of those things that can only be experienced in your own mind, with your own person, to complicated ever to be portrayed or shared with words other then the stories. Bravo, I wish I could write like this.
I've always wondered how one could possibly be immortal. Everything dies. Stars die, galaxies die, even time itself will one day just, quite literally, stop. An organic cannot be immortal, it is a physical and universal impossibility. Cells will always die, even if they can keep themselves stable for thousands of years. Everything ends.
That is not to say that this story is not beautiful. It is. In fact, beautiful is an understatement.
I enjoyed this immensely.
An upvote and a favourite for you!
Sincerely,
ChrisTheCat
Wonderful touching story. My lack of english skills dont let me show what I'm feeling right now, but be sure, this is just touching and sad and drowning.
The only thing bothers me is the feeling that celly just cedes Lulu and her kingdom to the dragons. I mean, they survived the first war barely, how are they supposed to survive the second when Celly isn't there !?
You know that one fic that you see once and it looks interesting so you bookmark it for later but then forget about it, only to keep seeing it elsewhere, always forgetting if you've read it or not, and then once it's finally added to your 'read later' list you keep making a mental note to check it out when you've got time? And then on some random night at one in the morning you finally decide to read it (once again not sure if you haven't already), and you become completely engrossed and don't stop till it's done over two hours later, wondering why you never read this the first time you saw it all those weeks back??
Yeah.
This is that fic.
a.k.a. Fantastic job!
Two images to sum up how I feel,
^ And I feel that for Celestia, Twilight dying is not something I like but she's not the one who had to suffer 3000 years or sorrow and guilt.
Image: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17734087/images/1327921147451.gif
Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0rqa1yzS61qzkfjj.gifI hate you for killing Celestia but, I can't argue, the story has its purpose . You wrote well and now, I shall be stuck on Sad fics for the rest of the day >_>
1.Hachiko: A Dog's Story
2.Red Dog
Watch those two, or one your choice xD
If you feel nothing, then I guess there has to be something wrong with you xP
Throughout the whole story I was thinking to myself, "Just what does Celestia have to be so sorry about regarding Twilight?" I had just assumed that she was saying that because she had watched her pass on and Twilight was sad that Celestia wouldn't be joining her, even eventually. I didn't even put two and two together during the war council scene. It didn't all make sense until Twilight's "return" from the war summit.
It felt like I got punched in the stomach. Sadness that isn't forced, just develops as the story plays in your mind, seemingly out of nowhere is hard to do. You did a great job with this one.
A line from a favorite novel of mine comes to mind: "For all of us, even the strongest, there comes the time when it just becomes... too much." Celestia had tried to keep faith with her lost student and love for millenia but, in the end, a broken heart cannot be healed no matter what the power of magic lies behind it.
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