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For one who does not count their lives in years or decades, regret can become an almost unbearable burden.
Featured on EQD February 27, 2012
Wow sounds interesting!...
You know, I've seen so many fics based on this. This is one of the longer ones, and longer tends to mean better quality...so I'll track and give it a read a bit later. You know, when I'm not so tired.
Very Nice Story, Do Not Put Attention To Whatever Is Up There(in my comment) I'm being delusional
You know, It is funny that when a character is not clearly defined, two or three more or less homogeneous ways to interpret it are generated
This one is the Immortal with mortal hearth. A classic. Might get its own sub-genre. I quite like it.
.... considering that this is getting overused and I'm using as a plot driver on my story NO MORE, Y'ALL MADE ME CHANGE THE INTERPRETATION
EDIT: I edit too much my comments
Oh... Wow... That was moving...
No, I'm not being sarcastic. That's literally all I have to say about this story: Tragic.
For what it's worth, first story I've fav'ed... mostly because I just found the stupid button.
This scenario seems vary familiar for some reason
can't quite place it
but somehow I feel like I've read something like this before
but it's fine because this was pretty good itself right
Well, I was inspired by Eternal in certain aspects of the story, but surely it isn't THAT similar to Eternal? I only read up to chapter 4... so if it's really similar, I apologize.
I mean, I know Eternal deals with *spoilers* Celestia's death (at least it appeared so from the last chapter I read) but my story has a different reason for it, an advanced timeline, and a regret/guilt theme. */spoilers/*
It is a plotline that presents itself readily, certainly, and as they say, great minds think alike
don't mistake me, I'm not trying to claim credit for your lovely work, I was just trying to make a joke
I liked this
Well, I'm glad, and you liking it is truly an honor since Eternal was so well written (though I wish it wasn't so slow-burning but it's wonderful nonetheless and I hope to finish reading it soon). I was worried my story might be seen as too similar, but as you said, it's a plotline that presents itself readily. Thanks again!
I really liked this one. For the record I think this is more than conceptually different enough from eternal to be independent. And I generally think sad celestia / sad Luna fics have started to sound alike, so that is allot coming from me.
First time in a long time a story moved me to tears. Magnificent work.
Touching. Very touching.
Great story all together. Even seemingly immortals can not hold back the tides of regret. In the end, all she wanted was forgiveness and was at peace.
The manly tears I shed were overwhelming, especially while listening to some of Chopin's nocturnes.
Such a beautiful tearjerker.
I found this to be even sadder than My Little Dashie.
Wow.....just wow. That was one of the most powerful fics I've ever read. Good job! *applauds*
I haven't read Eternal, but this story shows Celestia possessed a "limited immortality".
You know, I've read your comment several times and still can't determine if it's positive or negative... I hope it's the former.
Well thanks, I'm glad I could be your first fave.
Thanks! As they say, originality is pretty much dead, but that doesn't mean you can't give an improved/better spin on a concept, which is what I tried to do.
Sadder than My Little Dashie?! Now that's a compliment!
Thanks to all the other commentators!
>>260089260089Heh heh. It's true! At least imo. My Little Dashie was very sad, yes. But this. I felt freakin' depressed after reading this.
A sad story, to be sure, tragic even. I don't mean to be insulting, but I think killing off Celestia is just crazy. *critical words begin here* Either they're immortal or they're not, can't have it both ways. If a broken heart could kill them, they'd probably both have died long ago. If you take the mortal, but extremely long-lived premise, then Luna is probably a thousand years away from dying, literally. Big Problems Arriving Soon! If you go with immortal, then Celestia can be utterly incapacitated, "mindless", mentally absent, almost lifeless, and practically useless, but she can't die, unless something greater than them intervenes. The latter is the kind of the tack Eternal took I suppose, even though the cause was Celestia's own fault in that case.
Well, I took the ambiguous approach in my story, but Luna sums it up herself. See, the way I see it, Celestia and Luna weren't born alicorns (there'd be alicorns running around all over the place otherwise, if ya ask me). They became alicorns when they took up the Elements of Harmony to defeat Discord, that's what I think. The idea is that the god-like power they attained from the Elements of Harmony had begun to wear off, that's why Celestia was rapidly declining, because the way I envisioned it is that her body was made ageless by the power she gained. But since it's now fading, her advanced age is rapidly catching up with her, thus her speedy decline. I have no idea where people got this "they're immortal" idea from, I mean sure, I follow along with that, but as you can tell I didn't in this story. There's nothing in the canon that even remotely suggests they're immortal, the only known facts are that Celestia is just over 1000 years old, that's it. A long time to us, yes, but hardly evidence of immortality. And you hit it on the head with Luna, and I was going to allude to it in the story, but I decided not to. She has about 1000 years left after Celestia's death, and she can pretty much figure that out for herself.
Yeah, I thought this all out pretty deeply, but what would be the fun if I explained it point-by-point in the story? You're free to decide for yourself. Thanks for your comment.
Truly a wonderful story. I would agree, this is indeed a sad fic and one that filled me with pangs of emotion. However, for me, it is also a happy one in the end. an immortals exsistence is both a blessing and a curse. an immortal is blessed with longevity, with the ability to be abnle to live ong enough to see incredible things no other person would even live long enough to see, but they are also cursed, for they will have few to share it with.
For in the end, it matters not how long you have, but what you do with that time, and whom you share it with, for that makes live all the more worthwhile. I am happy for celestia now, for Celestia has now attained that which all immortals desire, and she will be able to frolick in the eternal summerlands with one of her most beloved loved ones forever. i thank you for a story like this, it truly did move me.
Pristine writing. Superior level of showing, not telling. Good grasp of reader's attention. While it is true that the 'general idea' has been done before, I've never seen one of those stories with such... intricate plot? Oh, look at me, I can't even voice myself.
I have to concur, this is sadder than My Little Dashie. But MLD has something that your story lacks: manipulation.
MLD clearly manipulates the reader into feeling sadness; shoving it down our throats. Your story is quite the opposite. It allows the sadness to gently embrace us and carry us through the tale.
And that is why I don't think you should take 'sadder than MLD' as a compliment. But, heck... what do I know?
This was extremely well written and well I can't think of many other words than, well I guess heartwarming sums it up best; she's finally at peace
First of all, I'd like to say congrats on getting this up on EQD!
It's almost unfortunate that Device wrote Eternal so well, because every single Celestia fanfic gets compared to Eternal. Fortunately, your story put a whole new spin on Celestia and her interaction with Twilight and indeed her reaction to Twilight's inevitable death, which is something I can certainly respect. I've read far too many fanfics to tear up at anything short of My Little Dashie, but the tragedy/sad tags are rightfully there. The best part of the story must be the uniqueness of the actual plot. I don't think I've ever read a story where Celestia dies because of natural causes/regret for Twilight's death. Sure, I've read plenty about Celestia dying FOR Twilight, and even some about Twilight being the one to kill Celestia, but your story puts a new spin on the idea, and I love it.
The one critique I actually have is that I feel the story lacked just a little bit of imagery. Some parts of the story were extremely vivid, for example when you described the Royal Gardens. However, almost none of the other ponies in the story (the doctor, the General, the first petitioner) were described at all. I know that describing little details like this can sometimes seem burdensome, but doing so adds a nice picture in the reader's mind, transforming the image of Celestia sitting on her throne wearily listening to some ambiguous aristopony, to Celestia sitting on her throne wearily listening to a very specific aristopony. The transition might seem tedious, but the slight addition of detail can make a scene really take hold in a reader's mind, which improves the experience greatly. On top of that, don't be afraid to use color!! When you were describing Celestia's study, I got a full feel for the room, but it was completely colorblind. Don't be afraid to tell about the lush lavender cushions that just so happened to complement Twilight's coat, or the regal mahogany wood flooring given a slight red hue by the setting sun.
Aside from my critiques, this here is a very nice story, and thanks for sharing it!
Touching, and beautiful.
It's not important if Celestia dying is illogical. Emotions it creates in readers' hearts is what matters in this kind of story.
Author leaves room for us to picture other characters and scenery. After all, it has been 3 thousand years since Twilight's death, so a lot may have changed, but it could very well stay the same way we see in FiM.
I know I myself wouldn't (and never do) enjoy the story if everything would be served to me on a silver plate.
This was a good story. i really felt celestia pain and sorrow adding to favourites
shit man... I cried. manly tears have been shed this day.
I pride myself on being a cold uncaring bastard, but damn that story was beautiful and tragic, it really touched me.
seriously, I read "my little dashe" and wasn't moved in the slightest, I was bored in fact, a bit nauseous like when your're exposed to too much sugary bullschitt.
oh man... I thought "My Little Dashie" was sad... and then I read this... this is a very beautifully written tragedy. It hit me especially hard, I believe, because Twilight is my favorite... and the story was well written, tying the past right into the present was excellent. Also, tying in Philomena's mortality was a nice touch,. showing just how alone Celestia was.
Wow...I haven't cried at a fic in a while
Amazing job! Personally, I don't agree with the idea that Celestia/Luna got their powers from the Elements, but it's definitely an interesting idea. It would only make sense then that their powers would fade after time, so I commend you for keeping the idea coherent and running.
Wow, this is up there on the sadness scale...i'd say MLD levels, but its more just meaningful
i cried buckets :(
Immortality/longevity is a true curse. To be eternally trapped in an endless cycle,
Continually watching those who surround you slip away into oblivion is a hell that
leaves the soul jaded and unfeeling, something that noone should ever endure.
Twilight was the only one Celestia ever cared about enough to be that close to, even
knowing her eventual fate. To have someone you care so much for struck down in their
prime doing something you asked them to, and then having to carry that knowledge
for millenia, would cause a guilt more painful than any wound. To have finally had
the suffering end and find absolution from her guilt is both a beautiful and
tragic end that deeply moved me. I commend you
on this brilliant workthat has moved me to such emotions. Bravo.
well the first part does resemble Eternal, but I knew that this was going to be different.
Too bad it's short lived, 'cuz a lot of things were left unresolved. Though, I believe that's not the main point of this story. Strange, I actually don't feel bad Celestia died, which is good. I don't think I'd like to invest too much emotion on very sad stories.
Anyway, it was a nice read.
I'm torn. I loved Eternal and know I'd enjoy reading this, but it'd feel wrong. What to do...
Might as well read it!
are you going write one about luna?
Couldn't have said it better myself. You're welcome.
Well thanks. Though, I don't get what you mean by saying I shouldn't take someone saying this is sadder than My Little Dashie as a compliment. Is it just because they're done so differently that it's not really a compliment?
You're right, for the most part. I should've added a little more color description to certain scenes. However, I don't like to put a lot of showing into relatively unimportant things, or in this case, ponies. Showing is all fine and good, but overdoing it is just as bad as telling. If I went the extra mile to put a lot of physical detail into some ponies that served no purpose past a single scene, it would've distracted from the overall scene. Kind of like a really long panning shot focusing on something unimportant in a movie and you're just thinking "get on with it already!!" Also, since the story is about Celestia, you can think of it as an extension of her displeasure at the aristocrat's presence that he remains a faceless nobody, and the same with the general, that she was so tired it gives better imagery to just how out of it she was that he's just a faceless warrior. I didn't intend it that way, but you can see it that way if you like. Thanks for your critique, I really like it when people give long comments. I'll try to be better about adding colors to my scenes in future stories.
Edit: Forgot to say, thanks for the congratulations about the EQD feature ^^
I know it's not the popular theory, but since their immortality is only fanon speculation and since there's no canonical explanation for why they have their powers (and, as I said in another comment, logically if they were born alicorns there'd be more than a handful running around) I came up with my own. I'm perfectly fine with the "they're immortal just 'cause" popular theory, but I think it's more fun to explore/create my own theory behind it. Plus, it makes a whole lot of sense when you think about it: Celestia and Luna were just normal unicorns (or pegasi, but I prefer to think unicorns) under Discord's reign. They go on an adventure to find the Elements of Harmony, knowing that it's the only way to stop Discord. They find said Elements, and three of the Elements are bound to each sister, transforming them into their initial alicorn forms. They defeat Discord, but soon after Luna rebels and Celestia is forced to take up all six Elements to defeat her sister, greatly amplifying her power. This explains why Celestia's hair is pink pre-Luna-Rebellion and why it's multi-hued after she had to take up EVERY Element at once.
Well, that got majorly off track. Er, glad you enjoyed it!
It truly is a curse Very well put, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Yeah, I was worried it might get compared to Eternal too much, but I'm glad it's different enough. I know I left a lot of things unresolved, but it's supposed to be that way (for this story at least). The story was about Celestia, and thus I felt it would be kind of strange to have it continue on after her death. Glad you enjoyed.
Write one about Luna..? Hmm, I don't know. Perhaps I will, though I wouldn't really know where to begin. We'll see?
Thanks to all the other commentators I didn't specifically mention here! You guys are awesome
Plus, it makes a whole lot of sense when you think about it. Celestia and Luna were just normal unicorns (or pegasi, but I prefer to think unicorns) under Discord's reign.
I hope you're not saying this is canon ? Because it sounds like this to me, I may be reading it wrong, though
>>269798269798 & >>270500270500
On a side note, I clearly disagree on the curse of immortality. Simply because we think about it with our human minds. Sure, as a human, it would be pretty boring and would probably drive any of us crazy. But what about another sort of mind ? Of a different and more evolved kind of being ? We are not sure of the true nature of the two sisters (I asked Lauren Faust about that, I hope for an answer ! Eventually...), thus, we don't know if they are fitted to be immortal or not. In the eventuality they actually are, immortality/eternity is not an issue any more.
It's like the idea that Celestia cannot be happy and love all of her subjects through a very long life, just because we can't. I believe it could seem less interesting for some people and that it can bring very interesting stories, but it's not totally impossible. I won't develop it here since we can explain her irritation by the approaching doom of her death and her grief about Twilight's death.
I don't disapprove of your theory though, it fits very well in your story. I'm just sad people have to bring down divinities/higher beings on a human level .
I find your story very well written. More specifically, I love how you've mixed up illusion and reality. Very smooth, it was downright awesome. But I do hold a grudge against you for breaking my heart.. when I finally realised how and when Twilight died.. So unfair .
Very, very sad, thus good, story
My love for details has bring this to me :
"She had waited thousands of years for the moment where she could at long last utter those words of regret, of sorrow, of guilt to her student."
Isn't it stated that she, Twilight, died three hundred years ago ?
Well, you took what I said (about Celestia and Luna) out of context. I was going on an exposition about my personal theory, and that's part of my personal theory, thus why I phrased it that way.
And you're exactly right, we can't know about their true nature yet, which is exactly why my theory is perfectly valid until it is canonically contradicted. You say "we shouldn't bring them down to our level" but, as my personal theory goes, if they were just normal unicorns when they became alicorns, they'd have the mentality of regular ponies, so therefore they would think the same way we do after living an incredibly long life. Besides, we don't even KNOW that they're divinity, that's stated nowhere, it's just the popular theory that they are. The fact that Celestia and Luna control the sun and the moon is by no means indication of divinity, because the unicorns used to control the sun/moon before Celestia and Luna even existed. It's more just a sign of their extreme power that they can do it on their own. But, of course, I'm not really arguing against you, just presenting my own theory vs. yours, and I myself do like to think of them as divinity. But, as in a LOT of fantasy/mythology, their divinity is most likely acquired.
I'm glad you liked it though, and thanks for taking the time to write out a detailed comment, I always love when people do that.
And, on an ending note about your "love for details" comment:
"Luna glanced over at her sister, who shifted in her bed and mumbled incoherently, and fixed her with a deeply troubled look.
'She died nearly three-thousand years ago.'"
Soon I shall read this on my youtube channel ! Beautiful...
Hehe.. Got me, I'll shut my mouth next time, sorry
I got flu though.. That counts as an excuse, right ?
Read it on your YouTube channel? As in do a dramatic reading? I'd sure love to hear that! Please PM me a link when you do that
Haha, I suppose it does...
True. As humans we could never understand divinity or immortality. The only thing we c an understand is what we see for ourselves.
The way I see it, even if she is divine or immorttal, she still lives among her subjects and has feelings just like they do. This likely means
would feel loss. The bond she had with Twilight was like a mother and daughter, so losing her would have been devastating. And the
story did talk about the tedium she felt with constantly handling the endless requests and cowtowing. So i tend to agree with fangirl's
view of them having great magic but not being truly divine. But I digress. You are entitled to your opinion and we can both agree it
was a good story.
Hadn't seen your second comment when i replied.
Hope you feel better!
Beautiful. I really love stories that are both joyous and somber at the same time, and I feel this is one of them. Unless one's mind were changed as well as their body when becoming immortal or nearly so, no normal person could withstand the anguish of living past all of their friends and loved ones. Therefore, Celestia's death was more a release than anything else.
On a different note, I find this possible story line interesting. The first fanfic I ever read after becoming a brony was The Circle of Friends (http://www.fimfiction.net/story/125/1/The-Circle-of-Friends/), and for the longest time, that was the only possible future for me. Granted, I didn't give it much thought, but somehow I didn't really think Celestia would outlive Twilight. I thought she would either find a way to pass on her pseudo-immortality to one of 2 true loves, or Twilight would figure out a way to do it on her own, given her skill with magic.
Anyway, great fic. Didn't quite move me to tears, but I certainly got tight-chested near the end.
Very sad and very deep. Beautifully written and worth any tears shed.