333
3,684
"If you can make it in Fillydelphia, you can make it anywhere," or so the saying goes. When a young mare comes to the big city with dreams of being a reporter, she is instead thrust into a world of corruption and squalor where she will need the strength of friends to survive.
Honestly, I don't know why this story doesn't have a few thousand more views.
The writing is excellent, the characters are rather fun. It has steam (I may be biased), and ,although a little slow at first, the story has good action.
I am very happy that this landed on SALT, it was quite fun to read. Keep it up Toixstory!
Right now you and this story just took up in the fight my favorite story that is still being worked on.
Good luck though, your up against CardsLafter and his story Through the Eyes of Another Pony
and a KH crossover that I'm been enjoying.
Why are there so many good stories out there.
Brilliant story! Absolutely brilliant! I sincerely hope to see more of this soon my friend!
As a side note, you have the following line.
-- Herald held up a hoof. “Say no more; you’ve got my story and I’ve got mine.” She returned to her work, but not before looking up and telling me, “You watch out for your partner, you hear?” I hastily agreed and hurried to catch up to a rapidly-walking Grapevine. --
I believe you mean 'You've got your story and I've got mine.' Aside from that, keep it coming! I cannot wait to see what happens next!
This has been an excellent read so far, Toixstory! Love the crazy characters, the varied and bustling settings, just all the in-depth brilliance from your descriptive tend! Bravo, bravo!
Thank you for sharing this with me, with all of us. Be well until next time!
I'm liking the story and the writing. some remarks and quibbles.
1) was confused about the trolleys emitting smoke. had to read ahead a bit.... adventurous, to use so much Steampunk in the mix.
2)Why would Minty not know what her own cutie mark meant? Ponies get their cutie marks when they discover their talent--- they don't discover their talent when they figure out their cutie marks. They might look similar, but the only one who knows what a cutie mark means to a pony is the pony who GOT it.... because they get it right at that moment of epiphany.
3)Death threats and gun brandishing over a casual verbal jab? The big city's rough but it's not THAT rough.
4)What precisely did she do to turn her dress into a torn mess? I could see it getting dingy from the soot (it's the reason "basic black" got started in the big cities during the industrial revolution.... because soot didn't show as much) but from the vague descriptions it sounded like she rolled in the mud and then took a walk through a barbed-wire fence.
More bitchin' from the kitchen....
1) One of the first things any city of any size gets up and running is its water and sewage systems. Ponyville had plumbing. ANCIENT ROME had plumbing. I could see rationing the water a bit if it was Appleloosa, but FillyDelphia?? This was a real eye-roller. The Equestrians aren't that backward.
2) They also have "self cooling" refrigerators. Electric lights. stoves and ovens. flushing toilets. In short, other than the cosmetic, they generally live in twentieth century convenience and comfort.
3) Minty's a civil volunteer in the weather corps, not an inductee in the Marine Corps. Only a dick uses The Drill Sergeant Nasty routine to train someone. IRL, that alone would have gotten Starshine's plot bounced out the door in an instant.... to say nothing of taking an obviously untrained flyer up in a "training routine" that nearly got her killed. Congratulations on making me instantly DISlike someone you obviously intend to make a focus character.
4)why would they have legends about gryphons carrying little ponies away? Gryphons are so rare in Equestria that almost nopony ever sees them.... yet Gilda didn't startle or frighten anyone by her appearance in Ponyville . A ZEBRA freaked them out more. And most recently they had a gryphon that was a weenie French snob. The "ponies and gryphons are hostile nations" riff is overplayed and doesn't match the show; so is "gryphons are scary scary monsters."
Well, to make an analogy to recent RL history.
Think of gryphons as Russians and zebras as blacks: In the US, Russians were the enemy but meeting Russians on the street in New York didn't scare some people nearly as much as coming across a black man. It would be perfectly consistent with the show to have a gryphon nation that is at least semi-hostile but has always been there while zebras are from far away and thus become a distrusted "other".
You could also assume a bit of an uncanny valley effect, as something that is close but fundamentally different is often more off-putting than something which is clearly something else. i.e. They tend to see a zebra as a pony who is very strange, while a gryphon is compared to what they expect a gryphon to be like.
For the next few chapters, I'm going to try to keep a bi-weekly update schedule. So, if possible, the next chapter will be up next Tuesday/Wednesday. At the very least, I'll have the next five chapters done by the end of May. After that, I'll probably move to a quicker update schedule with summer and all.
Ah... now I see what you meant when you were asking about high explosives... well... they hadn't killed anypony innocent... just as you said. You remember "Sniper Elite v2"? Well, As Pullmare was trying to sound like the hero, I'm off in a building in the surrounding area with a Scoped Springfield, Aiming down the scope... and... *fires* *Slo-mo bullet cam* The round pierces her rib cage and punctures her lung. As she falls over, gasping for air, unable to do so, I fire another round. *Fires another round* *Slo-mo bullet cam* The round arcs through the crisp night air, finding it's resting place embedded in the back of Pullmares skull. GOOD ENDING
I know you said Minty's telling the story, and she heard it as “I didn’t say it was for me.” But I'm sure Joya heard "I did not say it was für mich".
“Yeah, it really was.”
as:
"Ya, it wirklich was".
“I do not,” I snapped. “How could I? He’s weird and awkward and only knows how to talk about machines...” My sentence petered out when I looked up and saw Joya still grinning at me. “What?”
I think it would sound more like:
"Ich weiß nicht," I snapped. " How könnte Ich? He's weird und awkward und only knows how to talk über Maschinen..." Mein sentence petered out when I looked up and saw Joya still grinning at mich. "was?"
“Joya,” I said, “please, please, please tell me that you didn’t make him a matching outfit without asking.”
would sound like:
"Joya," I said, "Bitte, Bitte, bitte tell mich that you didn't make him a matching outfit without asking."
I smiled back. “Same here,” I said. “But what are you doing in this part of town?”
I smiled back. "Same heir," I said. "But was ist du doing in this part of town?"
I sank back in my seat. “Wonderful, just wonderful.”
I sank back in my seat. "Wundebar, just wundebar."
“Okay, lesson over,” I said. “Can you tell me about your sister now?”
"Okay, lesson over," I said. "Kanst du tell mich about deine schwester now?"
She strikes me as when ever she gets flustered some of her speach reverts back to Germane.
Believe it or not there was a newspaper in Philadelphia called "The Chronicler" 
(and yes, I just discovered how to upload pictures, and I'm not stopping anytime soon 
)
So if I am reading this correctly. 
Hopefully *crosses fingers* This story involves a investigative reporter that has an aggressive attitude like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, a pegasus with mechanical wings like Edward from Full Metal Alchemist, a doctor that has a House personality, and an inventor that creates his own devices. So all I have to say is
Wow, this is REALLY good. :D You've built incredibly interesting characters, and so far have written the story to cater to them getting to know each other before the first major plot point. I love stories that do this; establishing characters before throwing them into the brig. Not to mention the literature flows like water. I love this; it needs far, far, far more attention.
My favorite fanfics are OC fanfics with very complex and appealing characters. It reminds of, well, the show! :) That IS what MLP:FIM is all about -- the characters. This is looking like a character-oriented fanfic, set in a world that is steampunk, but the steampunkness doesn't overshadow the plot. The plot itself is simple and very workable, like wet clay, so it can be made into something absolutely incredible in the hands of you, the experienced potter. But, to be honest, I am far more interested in getting to know the characters. And from what I've seen so far... yep, that's gonna happen. I cracked this fic open from EqD, and it might be the first fanfic since FoE that I'm going to read end-to-end and track like a starving wolf.
You've outdone yourself. A splendid first chapter.
Don't you dare stop writing this. It's amazing.
Mmmm. Very good. More characterization. I love me some characterization. :) You are easing the reader into the plot with brilliant pacing, showing more character-oriented events instead of complete bluntness. When I picked this up, I thought this was going to be a story about boring journalism. The fact that it is not a story about boring journalism is precisely the reason why I love it so much. The "journalism" thing seems to be an underlying structure, giving the characters reason to be there, but the real adventure is alongside the characters themselves. Me gusta.
Someone used the Kane clapping .gif on one my stories...my life is complete! Thanks for the kind words; it's always nice to see someone who appreciates the heavy characterization that I--attempt to--put into this story. I enjoyed reading your comments and would love to know your thoughts on the rest of the story. 
Glad you enjoyed reading, and, yes, Joya is indeed a little mish-mash of Rarity and Pinkie, combined with some old tropes from stories with innkeepers and such. That, and making her a donkey seemed like a good idea at the time. 
I hope you continue to enjoy the story!
Hey! We been waiting for weeks
! where is Ch.10 ???And yes, this comment was made for the purpose of trying out my new emoticons
Just uploaded the first chapter of my new Firefly/MLP crossover fic.
Saw that there was a new chapter for this story (which, by the way, I love--I usually hate OC stories but this one is amazing. I think, like someone previously said, it's because the characters are just so great and really well flushed-out. That, and the whole setting/premise of the story is quite solid too!). Read it and FIREFLY REFERENCE.
Haha anyway, it was an exciting coincidence. I actually didn't catch before that the captain of the airship was supposed to be based on Mal. I just thought his name was Mal. Because I'm dense.
I know, right? That's why I decided to write one haha.
I'd love to see the other characters, but I know that you probably don't want to get too crossover-y. And you have a pretty big cast as it is, so that might just get overly complicated. Still, I think the characters you have brought in are really well-done so far! 
That chapter title
I see what you did there
Wanna see a magic trick?
Oh my god. YES!!
What was the significance of the dye fading that caused Pullmare to make a Heel-face-turn at the end?
Also, Grapevine Lulamoon? Any relation to Trixie Lulamoon?
Breaking it down, the make-up/dye coming off was all about exposing who Pullmare really was underneath, the filly named Golden Remedy, and about finally showing that true self what she really looked like to Minty and the rest. Her heel-face-turn (I am aware of the trope) was simply bringing the old her back to the surface.
Hope that makes sense... 
Edit: And yes, Grapevine Lulamoon does indicate a relation to Trixie Lulamoon.
I am really enjoying this story so far, it's by far one of the most awesome fics I've read since I started reading MLP fictions. The only complaint I have so far, is Pullmare's sudden turn to being good, not that it was badly written or anything, it's just that it came as sudden as it did, and it didn't help that she just seemed to become more psychotic, the more Minty, Grapevine and Rainbow tried to talk some sense into her; had she reacted and at least thought about what they said, made her doubt herself a bit, it would have been more beliveable that she would break down and become good, but as she was, I would rather have seen her shot through the head or be impaled on a horn or sharp object. Well, now that I have vented my thoughts, all I can say is that I am so excited about the next chapter of this most awesome story.
Oh man. This chapter.
First of all, Lulamoon?! I didn't see that one coming. But awesome! I hope you go more into how Grapevine and Trixie are related and all that--I think that would be super interesting. I wonder if they'd get along. 
And Pullmare... so evil. The way she essentially executed all her employees really showed how psychotic she'd become. I'm glad she/Golden and Rainbow Remedy had their reunion, though. And I HOPE HE'S OKAY. He's one of my favorites. 
Anyway, overall this was a really great chapter/ending to this episode! Can't wait to see what happens next!
This chapter was simply AMAZING! I have to say, I was left with misty eyes more than once And I can't think of a better way to end an Episode! It was great to see Pullmare realize her doings on her own. To me, a much more satisfying end than her sudden death at the hands... or hooves of Grapevine or Rainbow Remedy. This story keeps getting better and better, and I expect it's continual rise to AWESOMENESS 
Incredible. I am loving everything about this story... Although after that one-sided beating by Pullmare, I am itching, ITCHING, to see Minty kick some ass.
C'mon, Minty. Next time she attacks... break her horn. Snap it in two. Ha ha ha, what's she gonna do without her magic?? You could also just, you know, hover. Unicorn levitation auras are easily broken if you can get leverage on something. And with your wings, you can get leverage off the air. Levitation isn't bloodbending from Avatar... fight back!
And thus, you get the first comment I have ever posted from my phone. Pullmare (and her cohorts) really seem like Grade-A smug bitches, and I am still itching to see Pullmare get her ass kicked. C'mon Minty. Use those wings of yours to break out of her levitation field.
On another note, I am sure unicorns aren't THIS overpowered. Srsly. :0 I doubt that their telekinesis is THAT inescapable... Regardless, excellent as always! :)
>>889887 Oh, I will enjoy chapter 10, won't I? >:)
also it's really hard to comment on my phone. the list of pony emoticons COVERS the entire comment box thing unless I turn my phone sideways. And then I tried to insert one, aaand it refreshed the page and I had to type it all over again.
I find it immensely satisfying how, as far as what has been presented, all characters are straight. I actually let out a triumphant "HA." when I saw Grapevine shoot down the lesbian set-up with "You're not a stallion."
You could have easily taken the very, VERY cliche route of f/f teasing, but you didn't. Thank god. We don't have nearly enough usage of straight pairings in this fandom. The lesbian ones are so common that they are cliche and just annoying.
MintyxSterling is best implied ship.
I shall read chapter 10 tomorrow. This one was a perfect set-up to the finale of Episode 2. ;) I eagerly await tomorrow. *yawn*
Well, I went and stayed up later than I should have and read chapter 10. Awesome job! :)
I have two complaints. First is Pullmare's heel-face-turn being too sudden without enough character decay to justify it (see neoxxx666's comment), and the second is how Pullmare (and pretty much every unicorn in this story except for Grapevine) are ridiculously blatant Mary Sues in terms of their abilities. Characters THAT powerful while everyone else seems to be completely helpless against them just aren't realistic or believable. :V On top of that, Pullmare is a COMPLETE Mary Sue, doing everything perfectly, having essentially zero shortcomings, having a completely unfazable smug personality, etc. And the heroes technically couldn't even take her down in the end. Yep, an exhibit-A Villain Sue.
Regardless, GET TO WORK ON EPISODE 3. I MUST HAVE IT!!
I have to say I felt horribly guilty after reading your praise for refraining from f/f tease on Chapter 9, only to have Chapter 10 come along with Grapevine and such. Heh. 
As for Pullmare's heel-face-turn: I totally agree. Though I still defend that the ending fit her character, I admit I didn't do the best job of actually setting it up beyond Chapter 10. Ideally, this would've been a third-person story and I could have had a scene where Pullmare called herself out on her actions, before regrettably agreeing that her plan was the only thing she could do. Despite that, did you enjoy the chapter anyway? 
So are the unicorns--namely Rainbow and Golden Remedy--in my story Mary Sues? Yes...but for a reason. Sort of. They are powerful, so much so that it portrays Minty and Grapevine as weak and useless. But where are they now? Gone. Which is kind of the point: the extended prologue of chapters one through ten was mostly about showing Minty getting swept up into a plot that she had little control of. However, that is far from the actual story, which will consist of twenty-four more episodes: which will be about how Minty and Grapevine and the rest step into the power vacuum that the deaths of Rainbow Remedy and his sister left, and how the entire city is affected. That, and Pullmare is also based on the real life George Pullman, who was unspeakably cruel to his workers, rarely got called out on what he did, and died from old age while still very, very rich. So a Villain-Sue, but at least based on a real example. 
I hope I cleared up any thoughts or questions you had, though any explanation in the comments can not excuse my writing. If you have any more questions or comments, feel free to say so. You can rest assured, though, that the rest of the story will be...different.
>>895173 eh. I dislike f/f shipping because there's so damn much of it, but to be honest, i can deal with it. I adore m/f shipping though.
I understand where you were going with Rainbow and Golden now, although since Golden/Pullmare was pretty much the primary antagonist of Episode 2 (and pretty much perfect at everything she does), I expected her to be beaten in some way by the main character -- Minty, partially because Karma is a bitch. She was not. Personally I think this is rather unsatisfying... But now that you've told me that there is more plot to be had (power vacuum? Ooh...), I'm excited again. <3
Although, the unicorn guards as well possess the incredibly Sue-ish "Unbreakable Telekinesis Field", and as a personal preference I really don't like that. From what I've seen so far in the story, Magic is Cheating. But if you like it that much, then okay... use it all you wish. :) Still an amazing story.
Ah, but see I have f/f teasing, but. well, you'll see in the next episode.
Well, part of that ending where Minty doesn't really get to do anything will be to serve as a contrast to the mare she turns out to be farther down the road. Character growth is a wonderful thing, you know. Oh, and I pretty much just made up the unbreakable electric telekinesis field so I could justify making a house go up like the Fourth of July.
And with Pullmare/Golden gone, the number of unicorns in the city--mostly there for her--will decrease by quite a bit, so expect less magical cheating and more steampunk-y goodness.
>>953792 I'll deal with it. F/F is not my thing, but I'm just one fish in the ocean, and I don't like that particular coral reef. Doesn't mean the coral reef isn't good. Just isn't my thing. xD
I find this story's lack of attention disheartening. It really deserves more reception, for it has amazing storytelling, a beautifully-crafted world, and a "I will take this boring sandwich and I will make it AWESOME." attitude. You know, putting unique and original spins on concepts that would be very bland otherwise.
Minty is a photographer for a newspaper.
-To-
Minty has just been hired as a photographer for a very low-grade newspaper, and, as a mare raised in the country, is trying to adjust to city life when it is all strange and unfamiliar to her. Her work partner, Grapevine, harbors mixed feelings towards her, as Minty is strikingly similar to Grapevine's dead best friend. Grapevine seems to be torn, not sure whether to view Minty as a cold-hearted replacement or a spiritual successor to her dead friend.
(insert some stuff I forgot here)
(insert Pullmare story arc here)
See? Simple concept, extraordinary execution. ;) This is so interesting that I read each new chapter ASAP.
Reset Password
Resend Verification Email
6
79
10
Joined January 2012
3,684 ( 29,982 )
More
Less
Post Comment
Refresh
Image: http://www.tuschs.org/main/images/stories/samplefiles/Chronicler.jpg
Image: http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dis-gon-b-gud.gif
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_hmph.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png
Image: http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff32/evildrew81/scary%20stuff/Joker.gif
Image: http://images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2249-67326_-_Sweetie_Belle_manly_tears_reaction_image.jpg
Image: http://alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/png/rage-classic.png
Cancel
Send