• Published 1st Feb 2012
  • 7,056 Views, 394 Comments

Freeze Frame - ToixStory



A young pony named Minty Flower must make her way in the big city of Fillydelphia.

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Episode 0: The World At Large

A slow wind blew across the blacktop surface of the gas station. I stood by the car while Sterling was inside the little general store across from the pumps. A hose ran from one of them into the shiny red car, delivering the fuel we would need to get across the rest of the San Palomino Desert.

I looked out across the dunes again. The sun glared off them, but I had some cheap novelty shades I had picked up at the last rest stop to keep most of it out. Inside the car, on the passenger seat, was my journal. It was an old thing, bound cheaply and red on the outside. Inside was my scrawling writing that filled up the pages with everything that had happened since I came to Fillydelphia. My mother had given it to me the day I left on the train bound for the big city.

Now, it was as filled up with my words as the land around me with grains of sand. It was a funny thing to hit the end of it; to know that I had come such a long way when just going to the city had seemed like such an adventure. A blew a few wispy strands of hair out of my face. Now it was Fear and Loathing in Las Pegasus.

A bell dinged and Sterling returned to the car. He had a bag with a few snacks and other stuff as well as something I had requested. He pulled it out. It was a cheap blue journal, with a quality that could be expected from buying it at a roadside station.

“You sure you wanted one?” he asked me. “I mean, we can probably find a nicer one at a bookstore back in Fillydelphia—”

I took the book from him before he could say anything more. It had creamy white pages on the inside and a place to write my name. I grabbed a pencil off the car’s dashboard and scribbled “Minty Flower” into the space. There. It was mine.

“The thing about a journal is,” I began, “the most important part is what’s on the inside. The rest doesn’t really matter.”

“I guess.” He took the pump out and screwed the gascap back on. Soon, we were both inside the car again and pulling away from the lonely station. “So what are you going to call this one?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know yet. This one’s going to be different, I’m sure of that. That last journal was all about Fillydelphia and what I did there, but now I’m tied down to one place. I think this journal will be about that: exploring outside one little city.” I smiled. “The world at large.”

~ O ~

Yeah, that's it folks! It's been a wild ride writing this story over the past year, and I hope you all enjoyed riding alongside me. If you want to read what happens when Sterling and Minty make it back to Fillydelphia and all the adventures they'll have there and in the world around them, check out the sequel, The World At Large.

Comments ( 40 )

I loved the story! Continue being awesome, man!

Another featured story spot huh ? :moustache:

All the horse place names.

:rainbowkiss:... that sums up all my emotions.

Oni

437348 i'm curious, what is this KH crossover?

Well, that took a while. Oh, did you start writing that one already? aahhh...

Not much to say, I guess. That story was pretty awesome, I hope the sequel keeps it up. And when are the six perfectly-set-up-to-be-each-of-the-elements ponies going to get something to do with the might plot devices worn by twilight and her friends? I've been expecting that since chapter 2. Although you kind of made your own powerful plot device out of chemiker's formula...hmmm, well, enough speculation. I've been meaning to post this for a while...

OH, MINTY, YOU'RE SO FINE, YOU'RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND, HEY MINTY! HEY MINTY!

So ends a unique and wondrous story. It's been quite the ride, and I'm looking forward to getting on the next train with The World At Large.

This is probably one of the best written stories I've ever read, including other legitimately published books. The Characters are interesting and believable, the story moves fast but not too fast, and the emotions are almost real! Especially Minty. She is one of the most interesting and original character ideas I've ever seen! A pegasus with earth pony parents? Limitless possibilities! I swear by Applejack's hat, I could read this story and nothing else for the rest of my life if it kept updating!

2069300
I cannot express how honored I am to hear that. Really, feedback like this is my favorite part about Fimfiction, and I am glad to know that someone enjoys my work like that. You will also be interested to know, then, that the six episodes here are only the beginning. The World At Large, the quasi-sequel, will continue for 18 more episodes before the series is done. I hope those 18 can entertain you as much as these first 6 have. :pinkiesmile:

2257136
Glad you can tell. :pinkiehappy:

2257199 Well I've just finished the whole thing, and I must say, that it is a truly brilliant story. Can't wait to get started on the world at large now. :twilightsmile:

I have read the whole story over the past 3 days or so and I must say It was good. I enjoyed it and it was time spend well. You did a great job.

The only thing that bugs me is the German. Like, did you google translate this or something? I dont want to sound mean, but you could maybe try and correct it.

Other than that, good story, going to read The World at large now.

2312719
No, no, I know the German is crap. :pinkiesick: That's what I get for making a character who speaks German when the only foreign language I am any sort of proficient in is...Spanish. If you could help, that would be greatly appreciated, or even pointing me to someone who could. :scootangel:

2312727

I do know German actualy. And I would be Happy to help!

So do I contact you somewhere now or what?

2312826
Just PM me with all the changes you suggest and I'll get right on them! Your help is very much appreciated. :twilightsmile:

Copy completed. Now... Must read... Don't want to read... Must read... Don't want to read....

How this story doesn't have more likes is so far beyond me.

But seriously, this is such an awesome story! All the characters were fun and the episodes were so much fun that I can't pick my favorite! Only two things I wasn't partial to was Sterling (he felt kinda...flat after the first two episodes for whatever reason) and the random genre turn (but awesome, don't get me wrong) that is episode 6, but I do love me some Fear and Loathing. :raritywink: Honestly, I think that this is just a great story and I appreciate all the work that you put into it. :twilightsmile:

I can't wait to see the sequel! (And I heard that you were picking it up again! That's awesome! I can't wait for more Minty and the Fillydelphia cast!)

:ajsleepy: thank you. didnt need sleep at all last night XP (totally started reading, and just couldnt stop, LOVED it XD )

Freeze Frame by ToixStory
Score: 9 out of 10 - Outstanding
- Brilliant Characterization
- Superb Dialogue
- Engrossing Plot Line and Story Progression
- Imaginative Narration and Story Telling
Reviewed by Admujica. Read the full review here.

3421490
>9 out of 10
>Brilliant Characterization
>Superb Dialogue
>Engrossing Plot Line and Story Progression
>Imaginative Narration and Story Telling
>A "masterpiece"

3477257
Great, hope you continue to like it! :twilightsmile:

Yay! it's finished. Now imagine they had a road trip back to Fllydelphia with this song:

'

Wow, this is a marked improvement over "Out of Touch". It is evident that you have put a lot of effort into improving your craft over the last year. This story had great characterization and an interesting plot.

My biggest problem with this story was the relationship with Sterling. The relationship itself is rarely present in the story and I get the impression that Minty hardly knows Sterling (maybe I'm just projecting my knowledge of Sterling onto Minty's knowledge of him). She seems to realize this at the convention, but that epiphany is a footnote and is soon forgotten amidst her self-doubt and jealousy. It feels like the only purpose of the relationship is to show that Minty is "straight" and I am left to wonder why it is even present in the story. Maybe you intentionally made this relationship this way for a later conflict, but it doesn't feel intentional.

Anyways, this was a great story and I look forward to reading the sequel.

You do seem to have about a typo per chapter. Below are some of them:
chapter 20

He didn’t seem to caught up on the conditions around him

missing the word "be" between "to" and "caught".

chapter 21

but they way they argue . . .

First "they" should be "the"

Chapter 22

He almost seemed to approve to me after a while

approve of

Chapter 23

What had she said bef0re?

before

Chapter 26

He said it he used to take his wife to it back when they were dating

The first "it" should be removed or replaced with "that"

4052965
You know, most of Freeze Frame was actually written well before Out of Touch. :twilightblush: It was more that Out of Touch was written very quickly to get the new chapter out, while Freeze Frame is more how I write when I take my time.

Also, well, that's how you see the relationship, and I won't say that it's invalid because your opinion is as valid as mine. I did not make her get into Sterling just to make her straight, but rather played around with Minty's sexuality (for the record, she's bi).

Anyway, glad you enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy:

That was a great story, I read it for hours all week and even stayed up until 2 am reading. It was just that great.

4717311
I am so glad you enjoyed it! I had just as much fun writing it (and staying up just as long). :pinkiehappy:

5200984
I know you mean well with the criticism and all, but it should be noted that the chapters you are reading were written nearly three years ago, back when I was just beginning to understand how to write. Of course I don't write that way now and have largely corrected my mistakes I made back then. Not saying you can't criticize it, but just acknowledge that it's not going to sound as good as if I had written it today. Which is one reason I've considered rebooting the story...

Also, the story isn't related to FoE besides the fact that Fallout: Equestria inspired me to do a large-scale all-OC story of my own. Otherwise, no relation.

5201523
I went and read two more chapters before even noticing this. Why does FIMfiction keep failing to notify me of replies? :facehoof:

But yeah, I tend to totally neglect to check the date of publication on these things. At any rate, I'll be less critical of style. Plot I'll still jump on, but I'll leave the rest alone. I'll still comment on every chapter, though; it's in my nature.

Okay, not FoE related. Good to know. I still should probably read that story at some point, though.

5209779
Look, I get that you're putting a lot of effort into your comments, but they're pretty much for naught because, again, this story was written more or less at the beginning of my writing career (which, I think, makes it pretty good for a beginner) and near the beginning of the fandom when standards were lower, so judging it as you are is, frankly, kind of annoying because if I were to write the story today it would be a much tighter, more cohesive narrative with a different, more interesting overarching story. I'm not saying to stop, but do try to keep in mind that saying I "should" do this or "should" have done that is somewhat annoying as it implies I wrote this in the same way I would today.

Also, the answer is C.

5209845
My apologies. I've grown so accustomed to responding to everything and providing constructive criticism that it's become somewhat automatic. I imagine you feel the same way I would if someone were to bombard my No Heroes series with these kinds of comments.

I'll try to shut my trap as much as possible for the rest of this, although I make no promises if I see something that truly frustrates (such as Pullmare's [presumed] ultimate demise). At the very least, I might be able to get through the story faster if I'm not pausing to comment on every oddity I notice.

But for the record, you're right: for a first time story, this is really good.

Also: FIMfic is still refusing to tell me when you respond to these. :ajbemused:

5231398
Just wanted to point out The Burbs was actually directly inspired by my own growing up in Suburbia, so it's unsurprising that it's familiar to someone else. :twilightsmile:

5236012

All this time I thought of this story as generally rather small-time

Could you...could you please stop? :applecry: All you've done for the past week is crap all over the memory of writing this story years ago, and it jsut hurts to look at almost all the comments you've given. Can you please stop, or at least have some semblance of kindness when you comment? Otherwise, I might as well just delete them. :ajsleepy:

5236162
I think you really misinterpreted that statement. I didn't mean 'small-time' as in 'this is a bad story.' It's actually been very interesting and genuinely well done. By 'small-time,' I was specifically referring to the level of violence in the story and, specifically, the sense of dread the events offer. I never really felt that level of fear save for in one scene (Pullmare torturing Minty), so I didn't think you'd really go there. You're getting bent out of shape over something that wasn't intended to be critical of you or the story in any way, and I apologize if I didn't state my meaning clearly. I was actually trying to compliment you.

I'm sorry if you think I'm being critical. Actually, the last *goes to check* nine comments have been more reactions and speculation to the events than direct criticism of the story or its style of writing, but if you took them as me judging you then I guess I can abandon my commenting entirely. I was only expressing my strong interest in the goings on of Minty and Grapevine.

...

Also, FIMFiction still refuses to let me know when you've replied to my comments. :ajbemused:

5236162
One more thing, just for clarity's sake. I get the impression you think I'm looking at this as characters in a book, the writing of which is to be judged. That is in error. I look at the characters as individuals, just as I do in my own writing, with souls and thoughts and feelings of their own. The fact that I can do this with your story is actually a huge boon in your favor. Some examples from my previous comments:

Ooooooh, great. Now Grapevine and Minty are rumored to be a couple by the public? Can you say 'easy target?'

You might be thinking this was aimed at you making a mistake. It wasn't. This was aimed at Minty and her situation, and was meant to reflect on how I was worried for what this could imply for their future.

Protected from search and seizure under Princess Celestia’s authority, of course.

Celestia, you've done it again. :facehoof: I swear, the incompetence never ends no matter what fic I read.

Once again, you might think I was being critical of you. On the contrary, I was specifically aiming that comment at Celestia herself, who really does have a stunning record of leadership incompetence. Seriously, I've got a love/hate relationship with that particular pony...

it had to be a Luna-sized, at least

Poor Luna. I bet the 'Celestia-sized' bed is much bigger. Don't worry, Best Pony, someday they'll realize your superiority... or at least make a general 'Princess-sized' bed so that you don't have to be so blatantly belittled in comparison.

This one isn't ripping you at all, but is instead ripping pony society as a whole in the world of Freeze Frame. If anything, it's a compliment towards your effective world-building. I suppose it could also be another slap on the wrist for Celestia, who clearly has done nothing to elevate her sister's status in the past thirty or forty years. But again, that's not on you; it's on the Princesses and the general pony public.

My point is, when I read a good story, I tend to get involved in the world of that story. My commentary has largely been aimed at the characters of the story, not you. The fact that I can be so invested as to be openly critical of the characters' actions is, if anything, a serious compliment to the story itself. I'm not one of those readers who just reads the surface of a tale and moves on; I really immerse myself in what I'm reading when possible.

Now, if you did something to really hurt that immersion? Then I'd be critical of you.

So, final thoughts.

I want to say that this story started off bumpy, but that's really not accurate. A far better way to describe the beginning of this story is 'full of promise.' Did I notice (and make sure to note) things that struck me as odd? Did I see things I didn't like? Where there some major stumbles? Yes, yes, and by Pullmare, yes.

When it comes right down to it, the first two episodes feel like a warm-up. For all the griping I did, it was actually a very solid start for a first time story... far better than how I started off. Yet here's the thing: with every episode, this got better. And better. And damn it, even better. It's like I'm watching you grow and develop as a writer with every growing plotline and chapter. Episode 5 was my favorite by far (although that probably has to do with my penchant for mafia-related stories), and Episode 6 was no slouch.

Given what you've told me in past comments, I have a recommendation: do not reboot this story. Leave it alone, let it linger. Were mistakes made? Absolutely. Yet I find there's a certain treasure in mistakes, which is the glittering jewel of progress. Looking back on a story and seeing what's wrong – recognizing what the errors are and how you used to write – is a great reminder of how far you've come, and this story is a wonderful chronicle of that journey, just as much as it is a chronicle of Minty's growth.

Solid worldbuilding, interesting characters, good (if a touch unpolished) writing. This whole story was a treat, and you should be proud of every part of it, from the first-half stumbled to the latter-half greatness. I really hope you choose to finish The World at Large. I want to see more of Minty's adventures. If ever you decide to do so, I'll be among the first in line.

This is a series of cool adventure stories tied together with a common story arc. There are a lot of amazing highlights and exciting plot points, keeping the reader thrilled throughout. There is also a huge amount of worldbuilding and backstory, which, while sometimes nonsensical or even self contradicting, still serves as a rich backdrop for dramatic conflicts and intriguing resolutions. I greatly enjoyed reading this story since it painted such a big picture of its setting and still managed to focus on riveting details.
The last part was disappointing because it was no longer a pony story - there are cars, highways, gas stations, guns, etc. The characters just happened to have hooves. The backstory tries to imply that everything becomes mechanical and technological, but it's not impactful due to contradictions. I feel like there is a huge missed opportunity here showing how ponies deal with magical properties of the world and the science of magic.
Overall, still a very enjoyable story, great adventures, great action and great romance. I enjoyed it a lot and would recommend.

I just finished reading this story today and I must say that it was a wonderful experience. :pinkiehappy:

I first found this gem in late 2015 and said to myself, "Hmm... this seems like my kind of story." I read the first chapter and was thoroughly impressed, but my procrastination got the better of me and I didn't pick it up again until about a month ago. Once I got into it again, I kicked myself for putting it off for so long. In a period where I was truly running dry on inspiration for my own pony fan fic, your story revitalized the way I look at my own writing. Everything, from the unique and interesting characters, the engaging stories, and the vivid setting make this story worthwhile. I’m looking forward to reading the sequel soon and seeing what it has to offer.

Freeze Frame is definitely going into my favorites library. And that’s something I don’t do very often. Once again, your story was superb in every way and was a huge inspiration to me as a writer. :heart:

I've loved all your art; Thanks a lot!!!!

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