When the Changelings attacked for a second time, pony rule in Equestria was reduced to Canterlot, ruled temporarily by Twilight Sparkle. Inside the castle walls, Twilight and her subjects have managed to hold on against Chrysalis' hordes, but they can only last for so long.
Sweetie Belle, loyal servant to Princess Twilight and the only adept political mind the ponies have, is sent overseas to unknown lands, in hopes of recruiting other nations to fight for Equestria. However, when things go awry, Sweetie Belle finds herself lost in a new land with new allies, foes, and what might be the only thing that can save Equestria: dragons.
Chapters (1)
Hmn, really curious about what went down with the Crystal Empire. Simply a case of peace for survival, or maybe something to do with the personal history between Cadance and Chrysalis? In either case, the isolated location of the Empire probably makes it incredibly vulnerable to siege. I also noticed Shining wasn't mentioned at all, as a member of the military it's entirely possible he didn't survive the invasion and I could see that affecting Cadance's thinking.
Dang, now that diplomatic mission went south quick.
Awwwwwww shiet
img1.derpicdn.net/img/2013/11/2/462737/full.gif
Awwwww yeah baby, this be the good-good.
5569276
Also what that fruit said.
This could be promising, just to be safe, a favorite is what you receive.
Looks good. . Spike?
Okay this deserves a fav.
Looking forward to more!
I'm liking this. Nice brisk pace, good sense of identity with the characters, and nice changes to the universe without obscuring the original vision. Looking forward to the next chapter!
5561932 That's a very good point, maybe Chrysalis and Cadance cut a personal deal, though I would question the idea that the Crystal Empire can be vulnerable to a siege. Under that dome of theirs they seem pretty self-contained, growing their own food and making everything out of crystals, and I doubt changlings could penetrate the barrier of the Crystal Heart. Maybe some really elaborate underground sapping?
Out of curiosity, what are the Chinese... uh, symbols (I won't dignify them by calling them words) in the cover image suppose to mean? Because right now as far as I can tell it's a pile of gibberish.
5574898 Before you go off and make yourself sound like a dick, try, it says 'Here Be Dragons'.
That's where the dickishness came in, particularly from "…uh" to the end of the quote. And where you called it 'gibberish', that was offensive as well.
But to keep it relative, going strong so far! Waiting for more!
5574955 Pray tell, in what language? Because it's certainly not Chinese. If you read it as Chinese, it says (translating each character individually, since as a whole it doesn't make any sense at all) "rise three feet three / official three / force feet month huge mouth inside bow". Plus, the quality of the writing itself is worse than what you'd expect a kindergarten child to come out with.
5574969
It's an abstract, a play on its characters.
#creativity
5575004 Now you're just being insulting. Really, telling a native Chinese speaker how to read Chinese. Try, indeed.
5575103 I believe it is using Chinese characters that are similar to English letters in appearance to spell out 'Here Be Dragons' in English
5575103
What 5575223 said
5574969
5575004
5575223
Just want to say that I don't appreciate people getting mad at each other on my story. The characters there are supposed to spell out "Here Be Dragons" in English that looks like Chinese. The artist put it on there without me asking him to, but since I'm not an artist I left it there. I hope there is no more confusion on this.
5575726 Sorry,
5575726 I wasn't trying to fight anyone, I was just trying to explain what I thought it was
I think this fic is overhyped...
*ducks for cover from the downvote storm*
In all seriousness I am still curious and waiting. But this fic has generally received too much praise for one chapter. I think it's too early for that. That is all.
Sobering thought, huh?
Wow. She's like Cadance and Sapphire Shores combined! I like it.
THAT TWIST ENDING OMG WHAT A CLIFFHANGER.
Please, may I have some more?
5576751
Overhyped? If it even was truly that hyped, it's only the start anyway. There's a long way to go.
5579583 The thing is I've already seen people giving it praise in blogs as if it should be featured already and I came here to check this but I didn't find what I was promised.
5579590
What exactly were you looking for? If it was an action-packed start, then you missed the description. Either way, I'm curious because not finding what you were promised is most likely your own personal thoughts, not the story being overhyped. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But just remember that everything is an opinion anyway when people recommend stories.
5579625 I never said that I awaited an action packed start. I just mean... you review a story and give it a good rating out of 1 chapter it has? That sounds ridiculous to me.
Hmm, kind of blurs through the details and leaves the universe and backstory vague, but beyond that, it seems to be an interesting idea.
5579948
That's the point. As the story progresses, more details about the back story and the world will be presented. Just keep reading!
You done derped. Anyway, great first chapter, Toix! Things are set up for a great story indeed. I also want to think that Siegfried has some kind of greater meaning behind the name, but I can't think of one right now. I'll probably look it up sometime.
5579633
Opinions, my friend. I just read it, and it's as great as I thought it would be, as great as I thought it would be when Toix pitched me the idea way back when. And also . . .
I'm not trying to be a dick here, but I try hard to make sure I write things that don't side one way or make me be viewed as putting words in other's mouthes. Please, read more closely. I never said that you wanted an action-packed start. I merely said that if that is what you wanted, then you shouldn't have expected as much.
5580431 Well all I am saying is that I believe you can't form a positive objective opinion about this fic from a single chapter. Which leads me to what I said about it being overhyped. I am not against this fic... at all really. But I just get puzzled on how people reached this conclusion. I am still tracking this fic and all. If it turns out to be good I will favorite it and agreed with you all by all means. I just think... it's too early.
5580453
I suppose I can see where you're coming from, though you could call me bias because I'm usually the editor for Toix and a best friend of hers. To me, there is never enough hype for her stuff.
5580833 Sure I get it and all. I am sure this will be awesome and all but I am witholding my favlike for now. I am sure that this will eventually pic up on the awesomeness scale.
Though I am troubled a bit with the hinting of the changeling society. I mean I don't want to see this fic's changelings devolve into an outlet for the trope "Darker and Edgier".
5580852
Do note that this whole chapter was from the POD of Sweetie Belle, who will be biased against the Changelings. Basically, think of the Changelings like the Mongols. The Mongols were described as horrible barbarian savages by the people fighting them, but actually had a complex society of their own.
5581012 Alright. I am just a bit paranoid... do forgive me.
5581020
I understand, and that's alright. Just know that I am a great lover of history (really, I like history way more than writing), so a whole lot of the story is based upon real life history, including cultures and customs and such, so there isn't going to be any simplistic way of looking at any group. For example, the situation in Equestria resembles that of China under Kublai Khan, when the Yuan Dynasty ruled almost all of China save for the remnants of the previous Song Dynasty, holed up in the great walled city of Hangzhou.
5581099 I see. I myself intend to give Chrysalis and the changelings a Greek vibe since I am Greek as well. So if you ever see a changeling with a toga and a laurel then don't be surprised if I am behind it. There will be families city-states and all.
5581105
I can understand that. For this story I wanted to take a more Asian approach, so I thought the Mongolian system of many separate and distinct tribes beneath a single Khan would work well for the Changelings, with many separate and distinct hives beneath Chrysalis.
5581133 I just hope Chrysalis isn't some sort of Genghis Khan raping every single woman to ensure his lineage and all. Or whatever he truly did. In any case if you desire to talk more about changeling ideas I have a skype you could add me on. Dionysiosbbbb
5580397 Which I get, I could clearly see that was the intent. However, there is "withholding details for the sake of telling a story," and then there is "being too vague for the reader to get a proper feel for the story/universe." This tale comes dangerously close to the latter at some points.
And there are other parts where it's just not...describing it enough. Just...bare-bones descriptions that cover merely the basics when it'd be perfectly okay for it to go in much more depth. Like descriptions of the scenery, the state of Equestria and it's peoples, and most especially how this has affected the cast of characters, which the tale has only touched briefly upon in the cases of Sweetie Belle and Twilight, but just statements of the obvious that we would already expect, and not really giving a real idea of how these ponies tick, especially any character that is not Sweetie and Twilight, as they are just in one ear and out the other. The changelings are also stated to be ruling over most of Equestria, but why? They weren't really a threat to Equestria because they wanted political dominance, but because they saw Equestria as a food source. But rather we get hints that ponies are still living somewhat-normal lives under the changelings as subjects. Suppressed subjects no less, yes, but they're free to be a part of the new changeling empire in a way, and not all cocooned up as food sources like I would've expected, and no real good reason has been provided as for why, and I can't see why such a detail would need to be withheld at this point in the story, especially seeing that most of it isn't likely to even take place in Equestria at all.
Basically, the universe and the state of affairs the story weaves leaves one longing for more details.
But as I said before, it's a premise that seems interesting and worth exploring, so don't let my criticisms turn anybody away from it, because I'm certainly going to follow this one for awhile.
5581318
Maybe some more showing could be added here an there, I'm not going to lie about that, but that's pretty general. You could always do more in terms of showing. Equestria and its, not "it's," have already been touched on briefly, but this is being told through Sweetie's POV, which would be Third Person Limited as far as I am seeing. That means you have one of two things that an author can do: they can do what you want to happen, with there being a narrator, or it can simply be a third-person view that changes depending on the protagonist of the story. So far, it feels like Sweetie will be a relatively unreliable narrator, which changes things up a bit. Not everything must be explained because, simply put, not everything needs to be. This is Sweetie's story, not an Equestrian history book.
You know, isn't kind of odd that those happen to be the main characters in the story so far? I'm not being sarcastic to be condescending, but seriously, there's a reason why, and this is a reiteration of another one of my points: this is Sweetie's story. Sure, I'd love to hear about how the rest of the Elements have been holding up, but this is what we call in media res, "in the midst of things," where we are thrown into the story while things are going straight into the action. It isn't a summary, and I personally like my stories like that. It feels more real, seeing as the cast of characters have and are currently living in those times; they most likely won't reminisce much without reason. This is why the journey is more important than the start or the end.
That's simply conquest, my friend, for the sake of land, power, resources, and other such things that Equestria is truly filled with. What other reason does there need to be? Not only can they feed, they also have all this land. And what's to say that the changelings weren't going to take over Equestria anyway? I mean, once you have Canterlot under your control, you have the capital, the princesses, a food source. . . . Hell, sitting there and doing nothing would actually be the worst call in that scenario. In the end, I think that the changelings learned their lesson that merely invading for food isn't going to work; planning because they are starving and desperate doesn't go too well. So invading, taking over the land in an all-out war, isn't too hard. I mean, think about it: the changelings actually did amazingly well the first time, and if it weren't for Cadence and Shining, then they would have won.
And now they're gone. What better time than the present, I'm sure the changelings said.
But I do agree that a reason why should be officially said, and a good amount of backstory should be explained, but this kind of stuff doesn't need to be said outright. And I know you still like this story, which is good, but I'm just explaining my viewpoint on if and when things should be stated and/or explained.
5581399 My comments were merely to try and advise a fellow writer on ways one could possibly improve their narrative, so take it or leave it. I stand by what I've said, though.
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And I respectively disagree. Good conversation, though. I didn't discount everything you said, at least!
Definitely an interesting start.
I am looking forward to seeing where this particular rabbit hole leads!