A crazy winter lover who likes to write, blog, and cartograph about the fun and inconsequential.
Over a century has passed since ponies fled Equestria for the safety of the moon to protect themselves from new monsters that sprung from the earth to devour ponykind. Now, special programs have begun to allow unicorns, safely on the lunar colony, to command mighty steel golems on the planet to fight back and rid the world of evil once and for all.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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It's here!
You bet I'll be tucking into this.
Brb getting drunk on moon
shinelight.Oh... my...
You know how to make an introduction, Princess.
You know, I'm getting Lunatic Pandora and Lunar Cry vibes. Except the monsters aren't coming from space to Earth, and the ponies are fleeing to the moon. I am intrigued.
Celestia... Celestia didn't make it, did she?
4784297
Found a spot. Whoopsie:
"Local literature," huh? Suuuuuuuure, Twily.
This chapter heralds either Twilight's greatest success yet, or her most catastrophic failure. I proceed.
That reminds me, I need to rewatch Avatar.
Awwww yeeah, action is heating up! All of the Gundam Wing, Evangelion and Avatar vibes in here.
Now, let's see what this baby can do.
4784349
Fixed it! And hey, Twily is still our good ol' Twily, no matter how much time has passed.
Action already picking up straight out of the gates, an interesting story and premise, I'm hooked already. So I gave you a golden star and a thumbs up.
Don't ever stop!
ChaoticLightning told me to come here. So I did. Yay, peer pressure!
In all seriousness, you have a very good beginning, and a very interesting story developing here. Looking forward to more!
How very Evangellion.
4784514
Well a lot of that chapter was inspired by Pacific Rim, though I admit I had some Evangelion inspiration as well.
Really enjoying this, keep it up.
Minor mistake I notice:
I think you meant 'threw' rather then 'through'
I will continue reading. This is a very nice ponyfied twist on all the nuclear fallout TV series.
The golems are straight out of avatar.
That's a good thing it seems to be somewhat like 300 and avatar
4784715
Less avatar and more:
Awwwwww shiiiiiiiiiiiet...
Keep this up, wow.
Wow, what's with the downvote bombs? from 29:0 to 33:4
4786062
Well you have the OC downvoters, the Dark downvoters, the futuristic downvoters, and the feature box downvoters. This story is just gonna be a target for them, like Reach was.
So i'm waiting in part for the likely reveal of the giants being former ponies, with necrotising abilities with the surrounding areas in order to use that sludge as a building block for bodies. Tossed in with the nature of the synch, with the fact you've named this particular aspect of all things, Thief.
I say they are former ponies given you dropped the line of them being colder than the terrain itself, only dead things are, and with enough mass, if the core is cold enough, then no amount of ambient heat is getting in there to change that. When you consider how strong, durable, and capable bone and chitin can be, the body makes for a perfect building block.
You also never mention celestia, discord, or the rest, so that also begs the question which and what occurred to each, likely either answered, or not in this respectively.
At least, this one's not shinji ikari. But you have a good premise, and certainly going to be unique, as I doubt you have in mind the let go of this at all, with the synch and the pilot being old hands.
4786213
Then those individuals are fools. Simply having OCs is no reason to downvote, and good OCs can make the canon characters perform better. I like dark and futuristic in the FiM stories that I read, as the dichotomy is a fascinating contrast, when done well. And why the heck would someone downvote a story for getting into the feature box? Spiteful much?
I liked 'Reach', and I am intrigued by your premise here. Please continue.
Hm, feels like its got a little bit of Blue Gender mixed in there with the Eva and Pac Rim...
Pacific Rim, Evangelion, and Attack on Titan flavors. Neat!
See, I always wonder, why the hell would you build this obvious weakness into your mecha? Like, over-synchronization leading to pilots getting killed when mechs are damaged? It's just a dumb design. We should figure out something better.
4788455
I get where you're coming from, but that's sort of like asking what sort of gun-smith would design a firearm that would jam, in my opinion. A lot of times it seems like people, myself included, look at weaknesses and think more in the mind-set of a video gamer or a reader: it was something done purposefully for the sake of creating a challenge/drama/tension/etc.
An in-story explanation is much simpler. Its an unintentional side-effect of the design. Much in the same way that the designers of a new rifle wouldn't purposefully design it to jam after "x" number of rounds, the Equestrians who helped set up the Golems didn't design the whole thing with the idea in mind to make it where pilots couldn't survive a sudden disconnection from their Golems.
That's all just what I think, though, so take it or leave it as you will.
[/hr]
I like the story so far. Could use a bit of minor polish in terms of the flow, deciding what sort of info is being told to keep and what to scrap or put elsewhere, and minor things like that which arguably shift from writer to writer.
Keep up the good work and I'll be keeping my eye out for updates.
4788546
Glad you like it, though I'll admit the flow has been wonky so far. It'll settle down in future updates, though, as I get deeper into the story.
I'm glad that you recognized the stuff about the design flaw. I can't remember if I mentioned it or not, but the Mark VIs were even designed for as little synchronization as possible to pilot them so the pilots don't get trapped. Not to mention having the pilots safely on the moon is still, in my opinion, a better alternative than have the pilots in the mechs themselves, as suggested by JohnPerry. Since, you know, the Brutes tear through Golems like paper, ponies won't be so lucky.
Anyway, like I said, glad you like it and the coming updates will go quite a bit deeper into the backstory and life on the moon than just pure action.
Oh hell yeah, this is everything I was hoping it would be.
Why does the moon have the Nightmare Moon shadow on it?
4788761
THIS.
4787587
It’s not so much that it’s in the feature box that gets it down‐votes, per se, more that the extra exposure brings it to the attention of FiM Fiction’s oft hyper‐critical user‐base.
4789155
There is this thing called foreshadowing, ya see.
Brilliantly captivating. You've caught my attention.
When I saw this in the featured box, I though Moonlight updated, which was quite a surprise since that story is marked 'complete'.
This is darn amazing - can't wait to read more!
Cannot handle levels of awesome! Four chapters in and we're already at the 'shit, they're boned' part. More please!
Just how many different mecha shows have you referenced so far? I caught the Pacific Rim and Evangelion bits, but that's all.
Twilight worries me. She seems obsessed about Ponyville, and with her behavior backsliding to her introverted pre-friendship days, it becomes a bit... concerning. I understand and support the idea of freeing the planet, but still... And the Brutes--there are so many questions there! Why did they appear? What are they? Is Celestia being harvested to create monsters from alicorn flesh? Why were the Brutes so strong? What's different about the ones in Ponyville--where there are no other monsters--than the ones in the Everfree--filled with murderbeasts--that lets them kill all the Roboponies?
What will Twilight do when her big attack team is utterly crushed? Just how far is Twilight going to go to take back the world? Do earth ponies have the same connection with the earth as they did their planet? If they don't, does this have a bad effect on them?
Incidentally, is Twilight still a small pony, or has she reached the size of the other princesses?
4790787
I can't really answer most of that, but I can say I'm very glad that I've stirred up some questions in so few words, and that I am (hopefully) able to spark interest through that. And don't worry, I'm not going to pull a Lost of Evangelion; the questions will be answered.
As for the references, the only media I directly drew upon was Neon Genesis Evangelion (though more the Rebuild than original) and Pacific Rim, though I suppose I took some thematic ideas from other shows I've enjoyed, such as Attack on Titan and Starship Troopers.
Nice, I may be wrong but I'm seeing a mix of things like Pacific Rim, Evangelion, and even a bit of Edge of Tomorrow with all the invasion going so bad. Have a lot of questions but hopefully those will be answered later.
4792533 don't forget district nine.
4792562 How so? There's a neck scene in that movie but it doesn't really seem relevant
4792626 is there more than one district nine or something?
I'm talkin' the badass alien mech suit that the half human half prawn Australian guy drives near the spoilers end of the movie
4792533
Actually, with the whole "invasion going wrong" thing, I'm borrowing from the original:
media.npr.org/assets/bakertaylor/covers/s/starship-troopers/9780441783588_custom-687c1628bad756253c64b990e70fb559a6a8b6e4-s6-c30.jpg
4792937 Ah, I see, I didn't pick up on that because of how serious the chapter is. OH! And this totally escaped my mind but will we see what happened to the rest of the world? There were more than ponies living on it last I checked.
4792760 1st off, Wikas Van Den Merwe is South African, not Australian, and yes while it does have a meck, it isn't the same kind. The one that Wikas drives is more mechanical and relies on an onboard pilot, these rely on a direct connection to the brain from a remote location, kinda like if the conpod on top of a Jaegar in Pacific Rim was somewhere else.
4791731 That's fine. I'm pretty bad at making reviews, so I generally try to make up for it with a stream of questions that show my interest in the story.
And I wholeheartedly approve of Rebuild-based Eva inspiration. More awesome fights, less extended breakdowns from the horribly, horribly broken people who make up the entire cast of the show. (Instead, they got very quick, possibly even worse breakdowns, but accompanied by more explosions. A fair trade.)
4794345
Very true about Rebuild. I am a massive fan of Evangelion, from NGE to End to Rebuild, and Rebuild is by far much better as far as pacing, plotting, and getting the mythology a lot more straightforward and interesting. Not to mention some bits of Moonlight will draw on...ideas...from Rebuild...
4795404
This can be interpreted in so many ways I can't begin to count them.
4793732 I know he is South African but I meant his very strong Australian accent
4808061 That's not an Australian accent either, there aren't many movies with a South African protagonist but if you were to watch say, Invictus with Matt Damon, you would realize that it's intended to be South African.
4808106 oh my god
I just listened to a clip and now I fell stupid
I forfeit this convesation
Hmm. Very interesting so far, I'm on board. Mecha action doesn't hurt either, though I come firmly from the Pacific Rim/Mechwarrior side of things.
I have one niggling question, though: is there any reason only unicorns can pilot these things? Because it seems like a bit of a design flaw to cut out two thirds of the potential pilot pool when losing pilots is the big concern.
4811501
The whole bit about only unicorns is actually a driving question to the overaching plot, so...yeah, that's all I can say about that.
4811546 Was suspecting that might be the reason, but I just thought I'd ask. Given that you list Evangelion as an inspiration, I'm already certain the reason will turn out to be horrifying. That leaves the question: who's gonna get hit by the horror?
This train of though now has me really worried by those "blank stares" from the earth pony handlers in the suiting-up sequence.