she/her they/them, reader more than writer these days.
It weighs on Spike heavily, sometimes. He appreciates Twilight, even if he never says it.
Twilight adores everything Spike does for her and the girls, even if she doesn't tell him so often enough.
But they know. They'd go to the ends of Equestria for each other. Blood is thicker than water, and no one knows it better than them.
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That . . .
That was beautiful. Unimaginably so. I've read many stories where these two are shown having a very intimate moment, displaying their familial love to each other in. But this is . . .
Well, it's special. It stands out above the rest because it doesn't try to overstep its bounds. You preferred simplicity, capturing a moment in the life that happened to hold a very cute and heatwrenching moment. Generally, it's something else that most stories use to spur on this moment. Like Spike being sick in that other very well-written fic with Spike and Twilight.
And that's commendable. This truly epitomizes the Slice of Life tag, and it goes a step further to bring home a very good point.
Spike knows it. Twilight knows it. They both know it.
They're family. And they love each other.
P.S.: Very interesting utilization of white space towards the end. As things became more important and necessary to be emphasized, the white space allows it to sink in more. That's one aspect of writing that is truly lost on the Internet. With our bright screens and dark rooms, it's unfortunately unappealing to the eyes on many occasions to have massive blocks of text, and therefore normal paragraph structuring is forgone. But it also takes away the white space.
Fantastic story.
4757866
Would you believe adding in the white space was completely unintentional on my part? not a typo, just the way I instinctively write, sometimes. Not quite stream of consciousness, but more the flow of it in my head.
One of the top ten best puns I've heard in this fandom, and it's not even a pony pun. A Laughing Dash for you:
Might wanna edit or omit that first claim. That implies once upon a time, a child was responsible for the health, safety, and upbringing of a newborn. And that's disturbing. Just because Twilight is the closest thing Spike has to a maternal presence in his life (and she barely is), that doesn't mean she should ever be given such a backstory.
I'm sure some actual adults were around to raise Spike, in which case, you may want to have him say that Twilight helped.
Drawback notwithstanding, it's very heartwarming. It would be wonderful to hear Twilight say how happy she is with Spike in her life, because oftentimes, the show gives me the impression that she wouldn't care much if he wasn't in it. JustAnotherTimeLord says everything else perfectly.
4757913 You pulled off a literary technique by accident? Damn you're good.
4757913
Interesting. I can't say it is a bad thing whatsoever. And it DOES make sense, which is why I loved it. XD
4757919
I was feeling pretty inspired with that 'Illuminated Naughty' bit, I'll admit. Consider that other line fixed, too. I hadn't considered that.
And I'm not that good. You want good TwiSpike, go look at The Descendant's stuff. HE has actual talent!
This was lovely. And I agree, I think there needs to be a whole episode dedicated to the two of them.
Loved it! Loved every bit of it. The touching and emotional parts were beautiful, and the comedy was spot-on. I especially enjoyed the secret society being given to Luna to be viciously yelled at.
I spent about 5 minutes trying to figure out why is what sounds like a porn mag consolidating Celestia's power before I got the pun.
Since 'illuminated' was very old-timey for 'illustrated'.
Totally got the feel-good vibes at the begging when the realisation hits. I actually kind of impressed out blunt it was without losing any of it's effect – a really good bit of basic misdirection.
Beyond that, though, I have one major and one relatively minor issue:
1. The PoV feels like a powerball tossed into a boxroom. Okay, so in a sense that's hyperbole, but in such a short story, the couple of sharp shifts are a bit of a bell-ringer. Firstly, we start really tight in on Twilight, tight enough to be hearing her direct inner monologue, and then we get 'He really was too good to her sometimes', which feels utterly at odds with where your PoV was two seconds before. Then, later, it switches to Spike's PoV without pause or warning and it gave me some severe whiplash. After a wonderful start, it kinda fell off a cliff.
2. Regarding prompt use, I don't think the story really does anything with the prompt at all. I call it a minor issue because I'll take the excuse for a cute little fic like this and I don't really care about the prompt (and I doubt you actually care they much either, to be fair), but even taking the fic into account it could still totally have been luck. That or it cheapens the notion of love in a way that I'd be uncomfortable with.
Anyway, still enjoyed it, for what it is. People say I'm hard to please, but it only takes a lack of pretence and to not do something stupid :P
-M
4771496
Fair enough on both counts. I was going for a slow drawing-back of the POV to encompass both of them. I don't think I succeeded, though. Ah well, live and learn and try again with something else, right.
I literally can't even XD
4834226
I was rather inspired with that, yes
SO SWEET!! I get the Feels with this one!
Dawwww I just heard this on ponyandwolf it’s so beautiful
Why didn’t we get more of this in the show :(