Daring Do and the ... Temple

Daring Do goes into a Temple to get this golden statue thingy. No reason whatsoever. No reason at all.
Really.
Its not to pass time or anything.
I'm serious.

Cross w/ Temple Run. I was bored. Sue me.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

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Moon-Chan

Moon-Chan #1 · Apr 10th, 2013 · · ·

Feedback time~

The events were rushed. They flew by faster than Sonic Rainboom speed, and I had to read a lot of the story twice to understand it. There weren't really many descriptions either.

I noticed a fair amount of grammatical errors as well.

Overall, I think you did fairly well. Keep writing.~ ^^

AppleTank

AppleTank #2 · Apr 10th, 2013 · · ·

2403403
Well, that's better than silence, at least. I got to here someone tell me what my first fic sounds like. I'll keep it in mind. Honestly, I made this as a personal joke. No one did it. Its not gonna be super awesomely good, but I tried.
And to be honest, nothing really happens in Temple Run, either.

Moon-Chan

Moon-Chan #3 · Apr 10th, 2013 · · ·

2403493 Lol, that is true. I like the plot of this story as well. xP

AppleTank

AppleTank #4 · Apr 10th, 2013 · · ·

2403500
Plot? What plot?
Jk. I wrote this in like, two days. I just really wanted some random person critiquing my work. I was on Temple Run...run, and this popped in one day.
Thanks for your help, in any case. Not really good at this thing.

Pump It Up

Pump It Up #5 · Jul 11th, 2014 · · ·

She noticed this affect the deeper she went into the maze within the temple.

Effect.

The magics were probably placed to make it harder to escape with the secrets the temple held.

This is more nitpicky, but it's generally written "magicks" in many stories I've read.

No way will she let that happen.

Would, not will.

One summoned up a one use shield around her.

She drank it if she was stuck in a bind

When, not if.

Also, put an hr after your copyright acknowledgment.

AppleTank

AppleTank #6 · Jul 12th, 2014 · · ·

4678916
1) Fix'd
2) hr is being stupid today. Centered a bunch of dashes in replacement.
3) Why are you here? This was a stupid thing I whacked out, and annoyingly the only one without red lightsabers.

Pump It Up

Pump It Up #7 · Jul 12th, 2014 · · ·

4680006

Why are you here?

The story seemed interesting. Is that such a bad thing? I put it in read later, forgot about it, then found it while trying to read the stories I had under 1,500 words.

AppleTank

AppleTank #8 · Jul 12th, 2014 · · ·

4680212
I've pretty much written this thing's existence off my mind.
Though on the other hand, I doubletake whenever someone comments on my stuff anyways.

mastermenthe