My Harshwhinnial

by horizon

Chapter 17: The (Capital i) of Our Con

Author's Note:

Transcriber's Note:

No mere transcription can give the true flavor of the original document of this chapter of My Harshwhinnial. During his trip to Bronycon, Luther apparently typed this up on an ancient manual typewriter. Some letters were so faint as to be barely readable, many were overstruck, and some that were to be removed never got x'd over. Most lines ran off the side of the page, while paragraphs were separated by a single line break. And there were illustrations — I cannot do them justice in mere words, and (perhaps fortunately for the world) they appear to have been accidentally used as catbox liners before reaching a scanner, but they were a match for the text.

I have attempted to guess the words beyond the right-hand margins. Otherwise, all effort has been made to retain the full and correct text, preserving even mis-spellings and dropped spaces. Dad (also an excellent proofreader) has checked it for errors both omitted and committed. What mis-matches remain are mine.

I have provided further context (and a photograph of the original page) in the comments.

— Amanda Blissett

mY HARSHWhinnIAL⎰
Next chaptre exclation point exclamtion pt ex pt ex pt exc
poitt

an: this tipe triter dose not have a (( )) key
i cammot tll u which key is mssign
(becuz is mssing)
but hint i cant not type exclatin pts
EDND OF ARTHRS NTE

Medal rushes ito the bildng wheree DISCRDOD is esclation point. It is a [trap]
but he is not aware of t esclation point. AN: i typewwrited off edge o[f page, oops]

AN: i dont hve quote ether :( so snow senicolns arrquotes

;;DISCORD EXCLATION POint; i sholted exclation pt. ;;i am in teh bild[ing where you]
are exclatim pitno;;

AN: i aev ust been tdol. that terhe arenquoutes afteeal sonow i will use [them for exclamation points]

;;HAhaaAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEXLATINPOINT;; he shuoled. and lig[htning]
roled through the landscape and thunr flashed. ;NOW my plan can come t[o]
its most evil fruit tion""""";

but phroan aPLE BLOOM was tere and she said ;NOT SO FAST DCCRD"""; and [???? with?]
an evil lagh. ;Because I am the most vil (number less than two)"";

;WHAT""QESTIN MARK; said discOrd. AN: there is a swshy mark whch i wil[l]
use 4 quastins now ok⎰

APple boom;s friends gasped. ;what⎰; they gasped"

But mom was there too since dscord dad captored her""" and with one le[ap]
she was free""""(numbr less than two) ;DISCOARED"" she rord. and she star[ted]
to rn. At him. She would nt run awaa frmhim. she was not scared bcuz [????]
and not scardness runs in teh fambly.

Appelblom trips her thogh & se trips to te floor"" ;eddle"; she gasped[. U]
must save evry (numeer less than two)""";

AN: imbeging told to use captal i for the numbr icant type so ok

;U must saev evry capital i"";

Dscord said he will stop me" thogh

bt Appel blom was the REAL evil and was sdupr ofended"" so she chalgen[ged me]
toa SPORTS battle""

;I except"; i sad" and discord gasped. Now we were on the same side.

She chalgned us to a triping contest and at first i gasped bcuz she
was the besat triping excep fr m sinccmedel is the bestb at everything
bt i Knew apple bolm was goggto lose secne she had no poy to trip. Unt[il]
mom volentired. ;Appel boom sad good mom.; i cant not watch u lose byd
efzault so u willhaev me as teamte";

Everycapital i gasped.

;Mom waht are u dogn"⎰"⎰"⎰; i gaspked. AN: this is gasping && asking
;Bcz now WE r on difident sides""";

Evil Mom smilked. (AN: smilggand smikkng) ;thats is ok mμdle bcuz now W[E]
ARE on the same side to""";

I wuod have gasped but i stilsort of hrted her so i was ok w⎰ith that[.]

And we started te sports contest"""

Wich we wil tell u abt next chacter.

Comments

[horizon]

Transcriber's Note, Additional

Uh, hi everyone, this is Luther's older sister Amanda. He kind of flew off the handle last time I helped him with his writing, and made me swear on the lives of our cats never to touch "My Harshwhinnial" again. I know how important this story is to him, and I never meant to throw his plot off so badly. I'm so sorry!

But he went to Bronycon this last weekend, and came home with a breathtaking case of "convention crud" — he's the sickest I've ever seen him! — and called me into his room. He was bundled up so thickly (in the summer heat, no less!) he just looked like some fabric-based version of Jabba the Hutt, and sweat was pouring down his face, and his eyes didn't quite track mine.

"Post it," he moaned, and the fabric blob nudged a slightly crumpled sheet of typewritten paper in my direction. "Post it before I die."

I skimmed the first line and realized it was the chapter I'm transcribing below. "I don't think I should, Luther."

"Post it, mom," he mumbled, "or I can't win the sports."

"Uhhh," I said, "do you want mom? I can go get her."

"No!" he shouted, and fell into a coughing fit, and I had to scramble backward to avoid the cloud of toxic vapors emanating from his slimy maw. "Don't get bad mom!" He moaned, and I realized he was shivering despite his over-heavy accoutrements. "You're good mom, and if you don't post it I'll never come home from the Land of the Dead." He coughed more, sweat trickling down his pale face, and slumped weakly to his bed. "You have to post it. You have to post it. I'm gonna die. Promise you'll post it." I tried to get a word in edgewise, but he kept repeating "Promise you'll post it" until I finally agreed.

Scared for his health, I called 911 as soon as I left his room. The paramedics arrived and immediately stripped all his blankets off before hauling him to the hospital for severe heat stroke. I think they're also getting him some Nyquil for his cold.

Regardless, a promise is a promise, and hopefully he'll feel better when I tell him about all the comments on his new story update. So please be nice! =^.^=

By the way, this is what the original document looked like:

tomorrowlands.org/images/pony/my-harshwhinnial-cpt17-1000.jpg

[TwilightUCrazy]

Is, ummm... is this fic for real?

[Skeeter The Lurker]

7393020

That damn thing wrought so much chaos it was amazing.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Skeeter The Lurker]

7393033

Think of it as... A celebration of a legend.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Fuzzyfurvert]

I KNEW there was a reason I poured myself a rum & coke over ice!

Luther, you consnake! The next chapter was mine! It was going to be awesome! You stole it! !

You HAVnt heared th ast ot /me!!1!

[TwilightUCrazy]

7393050

Sweet Christ, this scared me.

[Georg]

The only thing it's missing is spidereses Iz besest stori evr.!!!

[Icy Shake]

7393020
It's . . . so beautiful.

derpicdn.net/img/2014/10/24/749861/tall.gif

Also, it reminds me that I should get around to uploading the pile of typewriter stuff from Friday. Or anyway, the parts that you can still put in a blog post.

ETA: I can't believe this is my first comment on this story.

[horizon]

7393049
Oh my gosh! You were at the convention with Luther? Did you see the pictures that went with his story? They sure were something haha right?

7393052
Hello Fuzzyfurvert! I guess you must be that co-author Luther talks about sometimes? Don't worry, if you have a chapter ready and Luther's not back from the hospital yet then you can send it to me and I'll copy and paste it from the email and post it for you! I'm sure he trusts you to do your work without needing to edit every little thing.

7393066
Yeah, I guess I can see that! The chapter was filled with some pretty serious tension. Well, I mean, that's what he was going for. Not that there aren't ways it couldn't be better! I mean, he did almost completely drop the whole romance subplot. Think of how much more vivid this could have been with long, smoldering gazes between Medal and Tripleheart as the flames of their passion ignited mid-contest. "Can love bloom even on a sports field?" he could whisper tenderly, and her expression would grow cruel and mocking for a moment, but her heart would melt as she realized that she really did care for him after all, that all along his love freely given was what she had been chasing, even going so far as to make herself look like the woman he loved, and "Maybe," she would whimper, and then fall into his arms ... uh, hooves? I still am not sure I understand this pony thing ... and cry to the heavens, "Oh yes! Medal, yes! It was always you who I wanted," and he would sigh, his heart breaking as he realized that the sweet tragedy of their doomed romance was but a momentary gift, like a candy he was halfway through unwrapping.

Maybe you can tell that I ship Triplemedal, haha. =^#^=

7393084
I don't think Luther has any plans to put spiders in right now?? But I'm sure that he listens to fan requests! I'll let him know! =^.^=

7393157
Welcome to Luther's comments section! I know he'll be super glad that you're enjoying it, haha!

Love,
Amanda

[Skeeter The Lurker]

7408507

If I did see them, I was drunk and thus forgot.

My loss, I guess.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Skywriter]

I am on pins and needles waiting for the sports contest.

[Skywriter]

Wait! You were at Bronycon, Luther? Arrgh, I missed seeing you! I wanted to meet the one man whose appreciation of Harshwhinny is greater than my own.

[yamgoth]

7408729
Huh? He was there? I didn't see him. All I saw was a tall, lanky man who could dance like a raven atop a corpsebed as maggots and wurms burst from decayed flesh and swayed to the beat of a Silver Hound pawing at electronic devices crazily. He was like.......... an angelic raven. Or maybe he was more like a frog, hopping around all giddy like. I think this frog man was Luthor, but I can's help but think I'm completely and utterly wrong. I think I saw the battle scars on the typewriter, though. Guess that's the closest I'll ever get to him.

Man, that typewriter is now an artifact, one to be claimed by Daring Do's and Indiana Jones cosplayers.

Applejinx better hide it good.

[Themaskedferret]

7393157 Wait, I thought Zyrian collected that pile of typewriter pages. Do you mean I've been harrassing the wrong person!?

[Icy Shake]

7412080 I mean, on Friday I collected them into a pile, took pictures of them, and in the process put them into another pile, still on the table. If that's what you mean, I guess so.

[Themaskedferret]

7412144 As in you took photos of each page? Uploading those would be awesome, there was some really funny stuff. No Zyrian took the stack and said he'd scan and upload them.

[Icy Shake]

7412551
Here's what I have: Friday Typewriter Fics.

[Themaskedferret]

7413661 *Swoons* My hero! There's still one or two I'd love to see, but most of these are the ones I was hoping would go up! I shall spam your blog about.

[Posh]

Wow, horizon, a My Immortal crossover? What kind of loser jerkloser would even think of doing such a thing?

My lawyers will be in touch, you orange fiend.

[horizon]

7483701

My lawyers will be in touch

aHAAAAAAAAAaa

U R GOGN 2 INTRENET SUE but

u CANT NOT SUE B/CUZ i HAEV COPY WRITES TO MEDDLE HE IS MINE!!!!

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111

&& now u has revaled ur SECRAT PLANES so i can Take PREVENGE

wHich is liek rEVENGE but it comes 1st

so................................................................ check ur PMs

[Super Trampoline]

win WILE theese b updated?

[horizon]

8894956
Whan inspurgation strieks1111!11

[Super Trampoline]

8901039
I hoop Percussion strijes son!

[yamgoth]

Rite moar advenchures ov Mettle pls k thnx bai

[horizon]

9288732
Do not worry the Hashwrhinnial! that which is dead can't never die

[PresentPerfect]

Never complete this. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of semicolons and quote marks, signifying nothing, and it's fucking perfect.

[Icy Shake]

9577801
I guess I ruined it for everyone. :P Or got you to anyway. Or got you to make Luther & co., or something. It's fitting that this ends up convoluted.

[horizon]

9595812
Really, I consider this chapter the true ending. I essentially just wrote the postscript to wrap it up satisfyingly.

[Icy Shake]

9595847
Fair. And there's really something to ending it on this chapter's two last lines. After all, if Luther and Aple blom and Evil Mom and Discord start the sports contest and it's never really described, does it end? His own personal Valhalla. And all it took to get there was part of yet another story-in-itself (this Baxil has spinoff potential!) author's note, and bringing shame upon his memory and possibly his family, if they weren't already past that point.