I need a pre-reader, or a beta.
Title of chapter. I need a pre-reader, or at least someone to contact, in the event that the sequel to Visual Prowess (Which will be called Ocular Talent) is written. There are no words currently, but... with the chance that it actually starts being written, I need someone to contact.
Despite the fact that my story is shitty as fuck, and is full of mistakes (easily viewed by reviewing on how easy it was for DPV111 to poke holes in the flimsy logic of the story, not to mention just by reading the piece itself) somehow, people still like it, which is I guess the nature of fanfiction anyway.
My writing style is still developing, and I'm pretty new in an ancient craft that people have been practicing since long before I was born. It's easy to see this in the amateurish content of this story. A pre-reader would help it seem to suck less, despite the fact that it does.
So here are the five requirements of a pre-reader, for me.
1. (And this is why I don't just go to one of the places where you can get pre-readers, because they might not know enough about Naruto, besides the fact that I want to give someone who read and liked the story a chance to be a pre-reader) They need to know A LOT about Naruto. A lot a lot. In and outs of the manga, most of the plot, etc. I really don't want there to be so many mistakes like there was in the first story, not to mention on how boring the fight scenes were.
2. The pre-reader has to know English very well, and be talented enough in grammar/spelling. You'd figure this goes without saying, but just in case, I'm putting this up there.
3. They have to be able to read fast enough. It doesn't do me any good to have a pre-reader if you email me my chapters back by 2017 for publication.
4. You can't be nice to me. This is actually the most important out of the list. I need someone to stomp on my balls hard if I make a mistake and make sure to point it out, and even argue with me if necessary. There's no point in having a pre-reader if they bend too easily to mistakes in the story.
5. You need to have the time to pre-read. This goes along with number 3, basically. There's nothing else to say in this point, really.
I think that's about everything. So, put in the comments if you're willing or interested in pre-reading. I'll have names to refer back to in the event that Ocular Talent actually begins being written. In other news, I've been lately editing, harshly, I might add, my shitty ass real fiction novel that I wrote. Hoping to get it published eventually. Had an idea for another story too, with opposite values, since my first story, Blank Malevolence, one of the main themes was fear. In that story, it'd probably be bravery. But enough rambling. This is all you need to know for now. So yeah, comment below if you're interested.
I guess that's it for now.
And I know that you're not supposed to post chapters without story content, but if I put in my blog, no one would read it or see it, at least not from my perspective. I don't have that many followers, so I don't think that I would get any pre-readers. My two cents.
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I'd like to be an editor. Difference between that and a pre-reader is that an editor is used solely for checking spelling and grammar mistakes, while a pre-reader looks at the storyline and checks for misplaced facts. I know a bit about Naruto, but not much. I saw all the way up until Shippuden of the anime, then CN stopped showing it, so I've been unable to see it. I know little tidbits here and there, thanks to friends, fics, and the internet in general, but not a lot.
2771129 Yarr? Can't see it on tv? I don't see the problem?
Also Shippuden is 90% flashbacks anyway, only interesting ting there is the Akatsuki. (Few really awesome fight scenes, Sasori was sweet,Kakuzu was cash and Pain was pretty cool too) otherwise its pretty meh.
Otherwise my grahmar is pthe suxxzors and I haven't red the manga, only seen all the anime, so I cant help much (also my advice is 100% horrible). Good luck getting the prereaders taught. Would say that I am looking forward to the sequel, but after the ending it gonna feel like major asspull in any way you write it, and major parts of Sasukes character would be lost + ether he will be way OOC or there will be like 5 chapters of moping and being emo. Not rely looking forward to reading that. I really hope you have found a way to get around it, or make it interesting, but I really doubt it.
Edit: added optional Naruto related paragraph)
2771129 hulu has shippudden although it is subtitled
and I did enjoy youre story, I think a large part of it was that you kept sauske in character (aka one of the biggest jerks in existence) and took a realistic amount of time to dissolve his hatred. and for some reason I personally enjoy it when a human character in equestrian has enough power and skill to beat clelestia. and I also like how you mended sakura and sauskes relationship as friends. and one last thing I think you are one of the only people on this site to actually complete a naruto fiction
2771307
Explain why you think the sequel would be an asspull. I'm no Vonnegut or Faulkner, but I think I can pull the sequel off.
Well, I qualify for all of those except for the "know everything about Naruto" bit. I do, however, know the basic plot (there isn't really much to it, really) and I've seen most of the battles. i have been keeping up with the manga lately, so that's helpful.
And I definitely have the time to do this. If fact, I'm volunteering mostly for the purpose of occupying my own time. I had my summer planned out for Elder Scrolls Online, but since Bethesda decided to delay the PC release so that it coincides with the console release, I am left with an entirely empty summer. I'm online almost constantly, and I read very fast (judging by how I run out of stuff to read on here so quickly) and I would like to say that I am very good with spelling and grammar, although I'm certainly not perfect.
And I will gladly tear your story apart word by word.
2771402
Alright, cool. If it's ever actually written, I'll be sure to contact you as one of the people.
And, for whoever said there's a difference between editor and pre-reader... even I'm a bit nitpicky, but the terminology doesn't really matter. People know what I mean.
2771396 You are probably planing on having Naruto give him off to Celestia, right? After going taught all that trouble to get him to village, it's really, well ass pull. Same with him escaping, or getting busted out. If you can do that without deus ex machina or ass pull, I applaud you for your creativity.
2771417
I'll keep my inbox under close watch.
Since Im a big Naruto fan and loved your story, Ill help preread your stories if you so wish it. If not I can help proofread your chapters after publication to smooth things out and clear up some things your editor missed, all in all I'd love to help any way I can!
well i cant be a pre-reader but heres a link youl like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ade-VyDI2cw&feature=player_embedded
I wouldn't mind helping out with your Naruto fics.
2771481
'Give him off?' I'm not sure what you mean by that. The entire premise of him 'escaping' or busting out is stupid; that's why simply his sharingan was taken away and he was sealed, and then banished for his crimes against the village. Naruto would never kill him, and everyone knows that. I even bent Naruto's character some what, to a realistic point, but he would never kill Sasuke. He'll still have problems even though he's gotten away. His character evolved throughout the length of the fic, but I have many ideas that seem to tie together well, in my head. Naruto can't even contact him unless Twilight teleports to their world first, and brings Naruto, which she wouldn't after all she's seen. I have plenty of ideas that all could be used. I'm just pretty sure it isn't going to be as bad as you're expecting it to be.
I have been reading the manga til where it is now, I can help you
2771900 im glad that you have a pretty good idea at what direction you want to go with it, it will be interesting to see what happens.
2771417Yeah, I was the one who said that.
I have no problem with helping edit....though like I said before I'm not so good at the whole bouncing ideas off area. But if you need an extra pair of eyes to spot spellcheck and look for typos I'd be glad to help.
This had been a wonderful story
one of my favorite, I get excited when I knew you would make a sequel, maybe I wouldn´t be the best choice for the grammar stuff, but I wouldn´t mind helping with the "Knowing Naruto" stuff 
Alright, thanks everyone that said they would edit for me. The worst part about this is I'm currently going to be heavily invested in 2 things before this gets done, if it ever gets done.
1. I'm still trying to edit my shitty ass fiction novel. I only do a small amount every day but still this is obviously my main goal. I'll probably never stop editing this, at least the amount I'm doing every day, for the next few months. This usually at least takes an hour every day.
2. I've decided to go ahead in my plan to write a very, very, very long Pokemon fanfic, and leave my own mark on that series. I imagine it might be near the length of Pedestal or Regret, for those that have read those stories, you know how long that is. For those who have not, around 500k words. Yeah....
Additionally, I have an idea for another novel that I might begin soon... and all of this has to come before Ocular Talent. Honestly, it's the last thing in my mind right now. And as I've said before, it's still entirely possible that it won't be written, especially if my Pokemon fanfic and real novels start to take up too much of my time.
So yeah. That's that.
I can't wait for this, I'm going to murder somepony.
Only thing i have to say about this is that the naruto in this is a stupid, hypocritical, idiotic and prideful moron.
Hell sausgay is one of my least favorite characters on account of him being so emo and the very fact that his powers feeds off his emoness meaning that the more emo he gets the stronger he gets. But EVERYTHING WAS ALREADY FIXED!!
Everyone else thought he was dead, he was happy and healing and the only ones who knew where he was were bee, twilight and maybe sakura and tsunade all of who were friends of naruto. But nooooo naruto had to be a prideful moron and satisfy himself based on a promise that sakura didn't even really care about anymore far less going as far as potentially destroying and reverting him in order to "save him" their way. I mean he almost killed one of his "supposed" best friends in order to satisfy his own wants and now sausgay gets the one thing he most uses to identify himself taken away. It would be comparable to twilight losing her magic, rd her flight, aj becoming lame, rarity her..... uh eyes(?) or maybe colorblind and fluttershies gift with animals.
As far as i'm concerned this version of naruto can go die in a ditch somewhere.
3135286 cdn.meme.li/i/hdw6m.jpg
WELL i kinda agree with you. narufuck was a little bit of a bitch in this fic.
3143002 While i was very annoyed it wasn't as potent as you would think. Naruto just happened to push 2 well used buttons of mine that crops up now and again in fic's.
Those being someone who believes they know how to run your life better than you do and those who actually take it a step further and meddle with your affairs in your "best interests" but more times than not ends up screwing it over worse that it was previously so my choices of phrasing were somewhat colored by that.
3390066 ....How is it moot? Have you READ the whole story yet? He absolutely DID care. Missing Nin or not, nobody wants innocent lives to be lost.
Can you please do a sequel? At least, in the future? Please...?
3135286
Urg... I hate Naruto - The Character, From the Anime or otherwise. He is the literal definition of stupidity and ignorance. He is also the literal definition of a bad ninja... I could literally make a list of all the things Naruto does that he shouldn't do... Yeah, lets do that...
1. He wears Orange - Extremely bad idea
2. He has horrible Taijutsu
3. He is loud and obnoxious
4. He has emotions
5. He knows only a handful of Techniques - Shadowclones, Rasengan, and the Academy Basics...
6. He thinks he can take on anything - When the reality is, he can't
7. He acts before thinking - Example being when he attacked Kabuto in one episode, despite being outclassed
8. He wastes a ton of Chakra - That's inexcusable, especially with his huge chakra reserves
9. He is a disgrace to the Uzumaki clan
I mean, seriously - All of his troubles in life could have been avoided if he was smart... like, the Villagers not liking him or selling him things? Simple, use a Henge... or in Naruto's case, a Transformation... its kinda ridiculous... Atleast Sasuke was actually competent...
UGH! I haven't even read five chapters into the story and my shipping brain is already shipping Fluttershy and Sasuke!
A thousand curses, stupid shipping brain!
~TheEmpressEclipse~
4888896 you are a hypocrite to say the story's awesome then you say over half the chapters in the story are shit.
celestia and luna may be gods but their both weak all they've shown all they can do is fire some beams and raise/lower the sun/moon that so called demon could only turn to fog, fire beams and talk trash where as celestia was beaten by that changeling queen with one attack. they wouldn't be able to break susanoo let alone damage it on their own also if they could pull him out with magic anyone from naruto who has earth, water or wind jutsu would be able to do it.also those houses are made of straw im pretty sure they'd be blown away if he activated susanoo so he would be able to fire arrow from where the house once was
4908999 and as for sasuke being op he's fairly nuked compared to naruto at the time he was sent to equestria he had barely any control of his flame control. I'll give you the grammar mistake point their are mistakes. your "how long naruto knew sasuke for however is incorrect. naruto was put on team 7 with sasuke while they were 12 and before this they didn't know each other. sasuke defected from the village while he was still 12 and from there naruto has only seen sasuke 3 times (not including the movies). so they knew each other but no-where near as long as you say. tas for the ponies forgiving sasuke quickly they are very forgiving even to discord who turned the town upside down and made it rain chocolate milk as well as those vines that bound the princesses and covered most of ponyville in those chaos vines and yet they forgave him incredibly quickly.
4909024 the last point that'll complete this damn rant is the celestia not being used to sasukes memories. equestria isn't like earth and their has been almost no wars and even then there would probably be very little gore compared to the wars from well almost anywhere that isn't my little pony.
This story is actually pretty good and only Sasuke Uchiha fanfic crossover with MLP.
Sasuke is cruel, cold & odious among of ponies as he usual is. ( One of the biggest jerks. ) It was enjoyable to see him slowly start to accept his life in here and getting over his hatred and making new friends. ( even he used deathly force against The Royal Sisters, which could cause scandal across the land. Yet he is forgived. )
Only downside on this is that the final battle & the ending. That could be way better.
THE ENDING
Don't get me wrong. I liked the idea about taking away Sasuke's eyes -plot twist. ( I didn't excepted that coming. )
But that felt bit way too cruel fate for him. Even more from naruto's character. Since The Sharingans are The Uchiha clan's trademark and their power. Almost like taking a car keys from you, so you won't drive your a car anymore.
Whole idea bring Sasuke to back home was kinda idiotic for Naruto to do. Since we all know that Sasuke would be unable live his normal life in the shinobi world, after all those a lies about Itachi & Uchiha Clan, all those people he killed and his a criminal's reputation across the land. Even after all that, Naruto still care about his old rival. As The Hokage, he should understand better than anyone else, that Sasuke can't go unpunished if he return. Without causing a scandal across the land and tension between the nations. Even if it was his responsibilities as Hokage. Naruto should just shut up whole thing.
I think Naruto should "faked" Sasuke's The execution. Putting "Fake Sasuke" in Sasuke's place, while Naruto banish Sasuke to The Eguestria as his punishment. ( And perhaps taking new name, since officially "Sasuke Uchiha" is dead. )
Kabuto's The Dead Soul Technique is one way to trick everyone to believe that Sasuke is killed. As The Hokage, Naruto should be able to coverup everything.
THE FINAL BATTLE
And then that The Final Battle scene. I kinda felt bad for Sasuke, when Naruto keep coming at him. While it was clear that Naruto was way way powerful and Sasuke was kinda lost his will to fight after finding his 'inner peace' over his hatred. It wasn't much fair fight overall.
*clapping for Naruto, The Hokage* "Well done being a peaceful ambassador between our and pony races. You start to brawling on a diplomatic meeting with The Rulers of their land and kicked Princess Celestia's ass." *being sarcastic*
-Yup. Naruto is the real villain here.
And yet I find hard to believe that The Royal Sisters would fight between themselfs among Naruto & Sasuke. I just don't believe that it would happen, because it ain't happening.
OVERALL:
I liked the story very much and I liked how well you did Sasuke's personality and character.
Even The ending is't the worst ending what I had saw. Yet it leave you with pretty dissatisfying feeling.
POINTS: 7 of 10
5147685 why not? If I remember correctly kabuto has them and the dog guy (dont remember his name) has them aswell. (Under his eyes)
5147703 Bitch, no one cares. This is the internet. Also its fanfiction of magical ninjas and ponies. Calm down.
5147801 Hey i care and i too hate hateful comments, so like she said go suck horse apples.
5575431 When you use text modifiers, there comes a point where no one takes you seriously. That point is crossed when your whole comment is underlined and you have to emphasize with the bold tool. Sure it's annoying when you see comments that go against a story you like, but usually there's a reason for them being there. Some reasons would be poor grammar, inconsistant writing quality, or even a misleading summary. Though I do concede that some are pricks, something had to draw them here!
5583330 True i don't know my self why they come here but they are indeed not welcome.
5583363 If they're serious, they should be able to share their thoughts. If they're trolls don't respond, you'd be giving them what they want. Besides, well thought out critisism helps you improve your skills. Ignore the slop.
5583406 very true troll's got to troll and hater's got to hate
This story really moved me which is very rare when it comes to fan fiction, I'm even posting a comment which is rare also, like I wrote 5 reviews all of last year.
So, more or less after what episode/chapter is based the story? Is before Shippuden or After?
A good story that I read. In court all over the continuation stories. When you are planning a continuation?
I'll put my name in for the job. I'm even rereading the manga!
Kishimoto loving morons are everywhere it would unfortunately seem.
Hello smart people of anime! I found this story that i cant remember the name of, it was a hie crossover eith thye use of the shiruko's (correct me if needed) and the thumbnail is the eyes with a hood on him. Has romance and he battles demons in it. If anyone knows the name or what im talking about please help me. Thanks if you can and if not I tried.
8568879
If you play the English games and such, it's often spelled 'Guy'.
But yes, it is actually spelled 'Gai'.
Pathetic. Wrong character for a story like this. Fucking-horse-people.
5147703
Go find a tree and Hang-out.
This shockingly well written for Sasukes character god damn