Epilogue - The Element of Loyalty
Greater love hath none than this:
That one lays down life for one's friends.
—Yeshua
EPILOGUE – THE ELEMENT OF LOYALTY
Rainbow Dash's wing and ribs still hurt. Two weeks had passed since the star-fall, and she had only been back in the air for a couple of days. She was being very careful as she flew, avoiding any sudden changes in speed or direction, and she took advantage of whatever lift she could find as she traveled. A thermal bubble under a puffy little cloud, the rising portion of the waves generated by moving air downwind of a ridge of hills, it was all welcome. There certainly would be no rainbow-trails today.
Nonetheless, she had insisted on pulling Twilight's new chariot. "Therapy", she had called the task, using a word looked up just for the purpose of convincing Twilight to let her do it. Fortunately, this magically-enhanced chariot was much improved from the first attempt. It was light, stable and strong.
As they passed over Ponyville, they could still see signs of the terrible night. Most of the damaged buildings had been repaired, the shard-gouged pits filled in and the glittering dust swept up, but work was still ongoing. In the town square, Mr. Cake hobbled along on a crutch. The good news was that the cast on his foreleg would be coming off in a few days, according to Pinkie Pie. In a similar vein, reports from Canterlot and Manehattan spoke only of modest damage, and life in the cities was more-or-less back to normal. It was a miracle that the night had not been more costly. Though there had been many injuries, it could have been so much worse; the loss of life was light.
Just one pony.
Climbing to the height of Cloudsdale was an effort, and when they finally alighted on the cloud-surface Rainbow Dash was exhausted. Twilight stepped out, buoyed by her "cloudwalker" spell. She nosed at her friend's neck, wordlessly sharing concern. Rainbow Dash waved her away, but a smile showed her appreciation.
"I'll be back later," Twilight said. "I'll be at the Equestria Atmospheric Administration office. They have so much data on the effects of the star-fall!"
"Don't swell your head with too many reports," Rainbow Dash replied. "You're heavy enough without your brains getting bigger!"
Twilight laughed and trotted away, her hooves raising little cloud-puffs like dust.
Rainbow Dash backed out of the chariot-harness, wincing as she folded her wings to do so. For a moment she became entangled in the tack, and let fly a few words that would have made a draft mule blush. Someone stepped up and helped her, lifting the forestrap and padding from Rainbow Dash's head where it had gotten stuck.
"Aren't you the versatile one? Towing chariots, saving towns... can you cook, too?" There was a laugh, and Rainbow Dash turned to the pegasus who had helped her. It was Spitfire, out of uniform, and though the urge to fan-filly briefly arose in Rainbow Dash's chest, it was suppressed by something more profound... a camaraderie from the shared experience.
"Depends. Are you tough enough to survive my cooking? Some can't hack it." Rainbow Dash grinned, then accepted a winghug from Spitfire.
"Thanks very much for coming, Rainbow. There's something I wanted you to see." Spitfire looked closely at Rainbow Dash's wing and the nearly-healed gash. "I wasn't sure you were ready to travel."
"Oh, it's nothing, really," Rainbow Dash replied. "Nurse Redheart says I'll be as good as new in a week or two. Though she'd be mad if she knew I'd flown here today!"
Spitfire laughed, "What she doesn't know won't hurt her. I'm not so sure it'll do you any good, though." She and Rainbow Dash began walking toward a nearby colonnaded building... the headquarters for the Wonderbolts. Rainbow Dash had been there once before, after the Young Flier competition. It seemed to Rainbow Dash to be an eternity ago.
The lobby was as Rainbow Dash remembered it: statues of Wonderbolts on the floor and suspended by wires from the ceiling, a single royal guard whose presence now made sense, a small gift shop where Wonderbolt merchandise was sold (of which Rainbow Dash had a nearly-complete collection), and a door which would only unlock to a hoofpress from one of the team. Spitfire opened the door and they entered a wide corridor beyond.
The hallway lead past the "ready room", in which several of the Wonderbolts were couch-napping, bragging at each other, playing games, and in general loafing about. A couple of them, still in bandages, waved. Spitfire led Rainbow Dash along, and they passed doorways to barracks, locker rooms, a gym, and other more mysterious rooms which the 'victor's tour' several months ago had not included. Rainbow Dash wanted to ask about them, but she could tell Spitfire had a destination in mind. They arrived at the far end of the hall, and through another locked double door more ornate than the others they entered a private garden in an open-air atrium.
The garden was perhaps fifty feet across, and circular. Only the doorway and the open roof allowed access. Stone planters held lush ferns and flowering shrubs, and climbing tendrils of morning-glories clung to the columns supporting the eaves. In the center of the garden was a circular dais of dark marble, inlaid with light alabaster in the royal eight-rayed sunburst; in the center of the sunburst was the Wonderbolt insignia.
The portion of the wall opposite the door was half-covered with granite plaques, each with a cutie mark deeply engraved, but nothing else. Some of them were obviously old, as time had somewhat weathered the engravings and discolored the stone. Rainbow Dash looked in puzzlement to Spitfire, but Spitfire merely gestured for Rainbow Dash to look more closely.
The last of the plaques was fresh, the stone mirror-polished and the edges of the inscription sharp-edged. The glyph was a stylized fireworks rocket. Rainbow Dash took a sharp breath, then turned to face Spitfire. She saw that Spitfire's eyes were as wet as her own were becoming.
"That's... Nimbus, her mark..."
Spitfire nodded. "This is the Hall of the Fallen. These are the marks of the Wonderbolts who have died so that others could live."
Rainbow Dash took a step backwards to take in the wall. There had to be at least twenty of the plaques. "So many..." Once again, tears began flowing.
A moment later Rainbow Dash felt a comforting wing draped across her back. "And she won't be the last. This is what it really means to be a Wonderbolt," Spitfire said quietly. "This is the real reason we exist. I... we... wanted you to see this. Most ponies wouldn't understand, but I think you do."
Rainbow Dash turned to face Spitfire, and saw that behind her, several of the Wonderbolts had gathered in the doorway and were silently watching. Not all of their eyes were dry, either, and none tried to hide that fact.
"So," said Spitfire. "Knowing this, do you still want to be a Wonderbolt someday?"
Rainbow Dash stood still for a long, long while. Her head lowered, and she closed her eyes as two steady drips of renewed grief fell from her cheeks. She finally looked up, and slowly approached the memorial wall. She reached out with a hoof to touch Nimbus' memorial stone.
"More than ever," whispered Rainbow Dash. "More than ever."
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Wow, never thought I'd see this here! What changed your mind?
bravo!
2192252
Reality. I'd put up a new story on DA, and in a month it's gotten only a hundred views. If a ponyfic author wants his/her/its work read, DA is no longer the best venue to harvest eyeballs. I still wish this site had an explicit statement of rights non-assignment, but they don't, and they won't.
2192928
I kinda suspected. Welcome to the big show, as it were.
a very awesome story.
So... Twilicorn...
Will you edit the story now that she's an Alicorn because there are only minor details that would need fixing.
2267092
No need. This would have taken place well before Twilight's epiphany. This was written between seasons one and two, and in particular it still works with Luna's personal arc and development. I had imagined Luna going through a recovery period after her return, and at this particular point she still is loaded down with personal guilt from the Nightmare Moon incident (the moreso because it was directly driving what happened in this story). This doesn't go against "Luna Eclipsed", and strictly through the luck of how the writers developed Luna this could have been part of the transition of "teenage Luna" to "royal Canterlot voice Luna". After this incident Luna might well have gained some self-confidence from having defended Canterlot successfully, and started coming to grips with her past by facing its consequences.
In any event, I don't like to revise stories in response to new canon lore. The stories stand as-written, as a reflection of what was known at the time of writing as well as my own mindset at the time of writing. "Han Solo shot first" and all that. Besides, if I were to put that kind of effort into writing, I'd rather spend it on a new story
24.media.tumblr.com/d32ac7cbe578313bf4cb5eeddf5e25f6/tumblr_mf9fppPkzq1r66shpo1_500.gif
2397177
It is useless to resist. The Feels will absorb you!
I really liked this. It shows Rainbow's development without being too heavy handed with the tragedy, and it kept me riveted the whole way through. Thanks for sharing
I don't know when I found this, it was in my read later list but I'm glad I did as this was amazingly well done.
Very glad to have found this again - and on FiMFiction no less! I loved this story back in 2011, and still love it now. Very well done.
Awesome story, so glad I read it
I was just going through my favorites list and moving some stories I had never gotten around to to my read-it-later list when I came across this one. I started to file it away but changed my mind when I noticed the length and I am glad that I did. Great story, and great characterization for Dash.
Have a thumbs up and a follow.
I found this on deviant art shortly after I became a barony. Roughly three years ago. I had hoped that this story would`ve gotten more attention.
Huh. that was surprisingly great.
Strong feels and some great tension wrapped in a tight package. Considering how old this is, it definitely should have gotten more love.
The technical details are strong, from flight maneuvers to orbital eccentricity, but the emotion definitely needs work. The narration is oddly prioritized at times, bogging down some sections with unnecessary detail while glossing over others to provide characterization and emotion through explicit statements rather than allowing the characters to feel and establish themselves through actions. (I'm looking at you, Nimbus.) The telliness persists throughout the story, but the narrative does flow more smoothly as time goes on, especially during the climax.
Speaking of Nimbus, I just didn't feel invested enough in her to feel as sad as the story wants me to be after her sacrifice. We only knew her for a few scenes; a heroic sacrifice in the line of duty is noble, but without getting to know the character, it just feels like she made that sacrifice because Dash is the protagonist and she isn't. The mention of the cost of being a hero in the description also telegraphed it. Making Nimbus the only fatality further highlights how much the story tries to make me feel sad. Emphasis on the word "tries." Tugging heartstrings rarely ends well if the reader can feel the pull.
All that being said, underneath the stylistic issues is a very good story. The setup's a little slow, but after that, it moves well from scene to scene, establishing the stakes, raising the tension, and even putting in relative breathers as Dash's attention drifts. All this story needs is some more finesse in presentation and subtlety at the resolution.
Also, while I appreciate not wanting to bend over backwards to accommodate canon younger than the story, adding some kind of notice to the description or an earlier author's note about when this was written would be very helpful. People are going to look at this story, see it was published just after "Magical Mystery Cure" aired, and be very confused. I know I was.
Well. It got me to cry. Just a tiny bit.
I will say that this fic kind of made me hate the tragedy tag. Between that and the description some part of me couldn't help but keep guessing what the big Diabolus ex Machina was going to be. Rainbow Dash loses her wings? Rainbow Dash dies? Come on man, what are you going to hit me with since I know it's coming? I'm also just really frustrated with myself and the situation I found myself in as I was just bombarded by distractions. I tried to start reading it at seven. I didn't finish until nearly three hours later, and that wasn't because I'm a slow reader. So, yeah, I worry I didn't like the story as much as I could.
Some of the pacing and action felt strange to me, and the above might be partially to blame. There were also some times I felt the fic was treading water just to get us through uninteresting narrative bits that probably could have been cut all together and summarized in dialogue. The focus on Twilight repelling the last meteor shards, the time between RD landing and her shouting, and the start of the epilogue before Spitfire shows up come to mind. That said, when I sort of stepped back and thought about what was going on, I really got a sense of gravitas for what was happening here. The image of the falling stars, the red light. The strange, alien comet. This images stuck out to me and impressed upon me not a sense of dread, but of determination. Of facing death with dignity. That mood was a palpable draw for the story for me. Also, despite feeling a little detached at Nimbus's death, Spitfire's bluntness in the end was what drove the emotion home for me.
"This is the Hall of the Fallen. These are the marks of the Wonderbolts who have died so that others could live."
And, well, yeah, you already know how I reacted.
So, yeah, I guess in the end I liked it despite God and I trying to sabotage my own enjoyment at every step. It's emotions were deep, but not overwrought, and despite everything, I was still affected at the end.
6882034
Agreed. Overall, this story has a lot of strength to it, though I have some misgivings with delivery.
6882035
While the stylistic issues didn't bother me as much as they did you, I did notice them. I agree that there's room to improve; it seems like the story's construction makes it seem clunkier than it really is, if that makes sense. The plotline and character development, abstracted from the style, are pretty flawless, I feel.
6882038
It does seem like the description/tags had a bit of a spoiler effect for multiple people. I have a weird habit of completely forgetting the description of a fic as I'm reading it, so that wasn't as much of an issue for me.
6882035
Hi,
Thanks very much for your thoughtful criticisms.
Yes, pacing is something that I had a few issues with. I think cinematicly more than anything else, and tend to write scenes more than chapters. I'm working on it. i just didn't feel I had the page-budget to spend on Nimbus, and didn't want to go too far down the obvious set-her-up-just-to-be-hurt path.
As for when it appeared... this story was published between seasons 1 and 2 on DeviantArt. I didn't put a copy here until much later. At the time of the writing DeviantArt was ground-zero for pony fanfic.
Times, they do change.
Interesting. A well done story. You got my attention from beginning to end, and even though I am reading this well into season 8, I was not lost. This story definitely deserves more views than it has. Hopefully Seattle's Angels will pick up this story like they did for "The Good King", which brought me to your profile in the first place.
Loved your story. Thank you.