Every Princess has a Companion Captain, except Twilight. The position is a role with centuries’ long tradition... and intimate implications with many marrying their bodyguards. When Twilight chooses Rainbow to be her Captain, what will the Wonderbolt say? Blossoming into her mare-hood is terribly confusing for Twilight. Is Rainbow who she really wants? Will Rainbow want her?
Multiple Endings Depending on Readership!
Special Thanks to my editors!
Executive Editor IndexOutOfBounds
Editor Hyacintho Ignis
Chapters (5)
Looks interesting...
Is it weird that i recognize that the title of this was the title of a poem written about Abraham Lincoln? Will he make an appearance?
Oh gosh I hope he makes an appearance.
I have a thing for large hats.
I'll track because this seems like an interesting concept, but all of your characters just seem kind of rigid to me here, even if granted that the majority of them are military officers. I'm not saying that they need to relax (except for Rainbow, maybe), but I'm not sure if you're having as much fun with them as you could. Thus spake a lowly lurker on this fanfiction site.
5649975
Shush about the poem. You'll spoil the story.
Lol Thinkin' Lincoln huh?
Wait, a minute! Are Crimson and Hawkeye who I think they are? Is that a full metal alchemist reference?
5651153
Lol eeyyupp
5651147 oh no! oh shit goddamnit i just read the poem over again and now i don't know if i want to see this story through!
5651227
There's multiple endings =D Don't worry.
5651234 feel free to delete my comments by the way if you think they're too spoilery or will make people search for spoilers
It...sounds interesting. Waiting for the next!
>saw title
>read discription
>is not about RA
>was dissapoint
http://romanticallyapocalyptic.bandcamp.com/album/o-captein-my-captein
I prefer chapter 5 over chapter 4, sure the unified republic in chapter 4 could still achieved after chapter 5, the unification in chapter 5 acts like the first of many stepping stones towards that
very good story so far
I...Hmm...
I....I don't know what to say.
It has a good premise. A great one actually! I really like the idea of a personal guard- I mean, it makes sense. and If I remember correctly, there was a similar story to this that came up a while ago, but without the romance.
It is a very solid idea. I like it. Executed...Ehh?
It's just...I mean, the direction at first is very solid. I didn't know what was going on. and, the part that bugged me first was...Rainbow's reasoning. I mean, honestly, what was her reason?
Exhibit A-
Exhibit B-
Exhibit C-
Let's analyze exhibit A;
That...makes sense. That really does. Rainbow Dash would want to change things from her position, and I can see there is a lot of "Political" quandaries going on. This, right here, I understand.
And I see that there is significant reluctance right after and throughout the tale on Rainbow's part about this, which I find o-k. I just feel it could've been more fleshed out- like, I could've been given a little more backstory into the whole political aspect. But, it's good where it is, I suppose.
Let's analyze exhibit B;
Very clearly a lazy attempt to push Twilight away. I get that- but...It also feels like lazy writing. I don't know.
Honestly- why doesn't Rainbow Dash just...give the position to someone else? I mean- she even said it to herself later on that Soarin or Spitfire might help out with that, so...Nevermind.
Let's analyze exhibit C;
THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. WHY WOULDN'T RAINBOW DASH BE THE PRINCESS' PERSONAL BODYGUARD WHEN SHE KNOWS A WAR IS COMING!?!?!?
Sorry...Sorry. That was uncalled for. *ahem*, I think that could've been handled a little better. Perhaps that is a mistake on the character's part, but...it just felt straight up wrong to me. She is the element of LOYALTY- Rainbow -- in my mind at least -- would've been all over that shit.
--
Now...My biggest problem.
You blew your load. You blew it. You had a big intense battle and all this crazy shit happening so early as chapter 2- you blew it.
I realize this wasn't meant to be a big story- that's cool. I am fine with that. But, when you apply these ideas of politics, deep love interests, foreshadowing, it really, REALLY strikes me as a premise for a bigger, broader narrative.
I think it would've been much more interesting and intense if it was a smaller-scale, more intimate tale of separation by responsibilities and duties, as well as ideals and perspective that Rainbow and Twilight had been implemented with.
But...that's just me.
and oh my god why did a trillion freaking characters come up during that race. Just why? I don't get it. I mean, I'm not mad about it (Maybe a little)
but these character's just popped up out of nowhere! Spitfire, Soarin, yada yada and then it just went *poof*
I mean, what is going on with Scootaloo? I was more interested in her side story than anything else at that point!
Lightning, Soarin and Spitfire- oh man. One question; where did they go when shit went down? Were they still doing the race?
The end all came spiraling down for me into a non-nonsensical concoction of love-interest, fighting and unnecessary, unexplained conflict.
and know WHAAAAAATTTTTTTT!???!?!?!!?!??!?!
NONE OF IT MATTERED IN THE END!!!
Rainbow Dash doesn't toss her duties out the window- either ending has the same conclusion; they get together finally! (I actually found the first ending very heart warming.)
Rainbow Dash keeps her duties as the Wonderbolt Captain and still makes changes and Twilight stays Twilight.
In the other one, earlier motives tossed out the window at the flick of a hoof. Just...gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh....
Okay...I like ONE aspect that you may have not even considered, but I enjoyed. In fact, it wasn't even explored- it's simply from my understanding.
When you fight with someone, when you go through a horrible experience- when you SURVIVE when you shouldn't have with a friend, you grow a bond with them. IT is in our human nature that we grow compassion for those we can depend on.
and that, is what I really look for in stories like this. You didn't mention it or explore it, perhaps I'm just trying to fill in the blanks. But, that's from my experience.
...
...
...
...Know what?
Despise all this, I still liked it. If you (and I hope so) are going to keep going with this, I will happily come back and read more. I'm not going to re-read this as I may have thought initially, but I will say I enjoyed the idea and the overall ending. I can see the potential, but it was just missed.
I hope this critique was worthwhile
Toodles~
5653600
If you read the endings, you'll find that one of the biggest reasons was she thought Twilight was going to be immortal. 
There's more to a story than what is said. There's alot to be inferred by reading in between the lines. If I spelled it out for you then it would be too easy. Rash romance can be a dangerous distraction. Rainbow was making excuses, that was the point. Her life goals had been pretty much set. The uncertainty bothered her the most. She realized though her mistake that's why she entered the race not to win it but to give Twilight a choice and chance while protecting her from say unscrupulous character like Lightning.
5653647 I guess I left out a lot from my "Review"
In the end, I like it. I'm just speaking my mind because, well, I might just explode if I don't voice my opinion.
I'm here for the ride though. And maybe when this is all said and done, I might understand a little more.
5653600 Haha I completely forgot about the other participants of the race when I was editing. Perhaps they were just anecdotes. Good comment!
5653657
No problem, everyone reads things differently, I also have a strange style. I'm uncompromising and I refuse to reiterate too many times, then some messages get lost in the brew. I took a risk with this story, instead of writing fluffy stuff.
5653678 During their race, Soarin, Spitfire and Lightning Dust stopped and decided to have a quick game of Texas Holdem'.
Luna was not pleased.
(pfft
)
5653679 Like I said, I certainly like it! I just personally would have taken a different route. But, what's done is done and, despite my complaints, I'm still interested. Doing something right!
5653685 Don't forget Lightning had a quick duel with Rainbow!
5653693 Luna gave Rainbow a high-hoof for kicking her ass.
5651234
Why the multiple endings?
That's always felt like a cop-out to me.
A way to try and please everyone "Pick the ending you want."
Try and please everyone and you will end up pleasing no one.
Love me some bad ass Luna.
Also, what the buck happened to RD? She just kinda gave out.
And no sonic rainboom to get back asap?
she wasn't
And... I stop here, didn't know this as a 'choose your own adventure' story. -no thanks-
Was a fun ride though. I did enjoy it.
Hmm...normally I...greatly dislike 'choose your own adventure' stories. However, this story caught my interest, so I will continue reading it.
In both Yearning Years and Loyalty and Love you made Twilight mortal. Couldn't you have instead made Rainbow Dash immortal?
'Guffaw' doesn't seem to work here.
I totally prefer this one.
and it isnt done yet, right?
5654515 I have yet to read it, but either way 'guffaw' is usually a term used by stereotypical southerners, they happen to be friends with one and if Twilight said it well.. Librarian, vocabulary, nuff said.
So we have a realistic-adult romance and a happy-adolescent romance. I liked both but I'll have to choose the adolescent one.
I got to say, I'm between your's and kodeake's.
Maybe the next chapter will make me decide... *wink**wink*
They should add an emoticon with an over exaggerated wink.
Great job.
Wonder how many people dropped at this point.. Sucks since it was doing so well. Sure the quality will continue, though...
Is this complete? I'm gonna assume it's complete. Unless you plan on posting another chapter in the next....50 minutes.
5659352 I believe it is.
5659352
My apologies, I was away and did not realize I had not changed it. Yes the story is completed.
Great story. I love myself some TwiDash! 10/10
5653913 i don't think she could pull off a sonic rainboom in her condition and lived very long. remember she has at lest one or more broken ribs
the g force would probably kill her if she managed to one if not it would most likely kill her soon after.
:D
Quick, To The Doors!
This GIF fits the scene so well I had to share it
Meh, I prefer daring ending, where they take the chance, and all the endless possibilities therein. But on the whole, it is still an excellent piece.
The like is earned.
Still a happy ending. Huh, didn't expect that.
Not bad.
You have a decent grasp of language and grammar, and the concept is neat. What kept bugging me was the structure. You know how to construct a few sentences, but not string them together. Sentences seem to be placed with little regard with the location on the page they wind up in. Paragraph breaks are placed haphazardly; they defy the rules of the English language and common sense. It doesn't seem like there's any sense of organization to what is grouped together and what isn't. You can't flesh out the concepts in your story if you have no bones. All it can do is fall to pieces. Without focus, any sense of direction is lost.
You have above-average concepts to work with and your dialogue is more or less passable. However, that doesn't amount to much if you can't use those things well, mold them into something workable and enjoyable. You didn't do that here.
Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye? I love you. It's official. I freaking adore you for that. And is that Royai I'm sensing?
Normally, I'm not a fan of choose your own adventure. I prefer when the author has the characters act as they are, instead of readers making any decisions for the characters whatsoever. However, because it's TwiDash, I shall continue.
Oh, this is beautiful. I expected chapter 4 to be the sad ending, but it it was surprisingly positive--but this one absolutely blew it out of the water. Such adorable TwiDash I wanna squee.
(And with Twilight ensuring Dash gets her exercise--under the covers, if need be--she'll be back up to not-being-beaten-by-Lightning-Dust levels again!)
I do admit, though, that this wasn't what I had expected when you said we'd get to chose the ending. I thought the question would have been over whether Dash lived or died. Although considering how much the title would have given away Dash's death, I suppose it was too obvious to expect.
Was the griffin commander possessed by the Nightmare?
I can see multiple meanings behind twilights words about her having just as many years as rainbow
I see the implied when rainbow dies of old age so does twilight but i can also see a Rainbow will live forever thing but just barely
NOOOOOO!!!!!
ahem... sorry 'bout that...
good story.
5664650 well its not so much the g force as much as the continued strain. The muscles between the ribs can only keep a rib in place so long, and that's with someone at rest. Those ribs moved more and more as her muscles got more tired. Even with a clean break, a sharp bone edge probably turned her chest to hamburger meat. She'd be lucky to have 50% lung capacity after all that, and that's of the bleeding inside of her lungs wasn't bad enough where it flooded them.
6063870 I hadn't thought about that and it's a very good point. ether way she would not have survived the the effort it takes her to get close to doing a sonic rainbow boom.