Twilight knew she shouldn't tell anyone how she really felt, but having such strong feelings was becoming uncontrollable. She knew her friends wouldn't be pleased if they found out why she was ditching them, but she just couldn't let such strong feelings go, could she?
Not bad but there are some problems. I noticed some general writing errors (spelling and sentencing, etc) and the transition from Twilight to Big Mac's point of view and vice versa could be a little smoother. Nonetheless, It's pretty enjoyable to read and I like the fact that you have fairly successfully pulled off a double narrative. My only major problem with this is that it just seems too short but like I said, still not too bad.
very good i love it
Too short. With some editing, the quality could be improved, but the root problem is that the entire story is rushed. This could be a sweet little story, but it really just sends me hurtling along at 100MPH. Slow it down and it will be so much better. I don't want to be discouraging, but it needs improvements.
"But my friends have to come first". No they don't. When you're in a relationship, that person comes first.