I Alone
I knelt down to get a drink of water from the pond. I was thirsty, so very thirsty. And I was lonely. I had been lonely for so long, but not anymore. I wasn’t lonely anymore because I had me. I felt happy whenever I was with me.
Me looked up at I and I looked down at me, and together we drank cool water from each other’s lips. My view of me seemed to ripple with the water as I drank, delicately, and it happened every time we drank. The dance me did was funny and it brought a smile to my face, and my smiling made me smile and that’s when I knew everything was right. Just the two of us, me and I, laughing and having fun together at the water’s edge.
However, I couldn’t ever go into the water. It was too wet and it made my body cold, and I've never liked the cold. To get warm again I’d have to curl up under the warm light, fighting back shiver after malicious shiver. Things would also get stuck to myself if I were wet, like dirt and leaves and they were very troublesome to remove, sometimes impossible so they just hung there. I didn’t know how me could live inside the pond for any amount of time, but that’s where me lived and I understood that. I lived in the forest and me lived in the pond. Although, I thought it was kinda funny that the pond lived inside the forest too. It was a home inside a home, one I couldn’t step inside.
I wasn’t thirsty anymore. I took a step back and looked down into the pond where me looked back at I. It looked like the forest had become a part of me by the way various sticks were embedded in all those hairs. But that’s how me always looked. I like that about me. Me was unchanging. Me was reliable, and I always knew that if I had to leave the pond for whatever reason, I could return and me would be there waiting. We were the best of friends, me and I.
I was hungry now, though. Unfortunately there was no food near the pond, so I’d have to leave me for a while to go find some. Usually there’s a bush of berries not too far this way, but I also knew there were some fine grasses this other way. I probably would have gone for the berries had it been safe. But it wasn’t safe anymore.
I watched as an angry tree stalked out of the foliage with a hungry look in its emerald eyes. Its long, wooden legs creaked with every step it took. When it opened its mouth, two large canines hung spitefully and its rancid breath could probably be smelled from anywhere in the forest. This wasn’t my first encounter with an angry tree before, but they were undoubtedly agile, therefore difficult to get away from.
It growled menacingly at I, hunched near the ground as it methodically advanced, ready to pounce at any moment. I had to run away to be safe, but my back was to the pond. I looked over my shoulder into the pond and saw me, and me looked back at I with a clear expression of fright. Me was defenseless there in the humble pond me called home.
No. If I were to just run away there’d be no telling if the angry tree would go after me instead. I didn’t even know if they like water, but I wasn’t about to take any chances. Me was the only friend I had, so I had to protect me. I had to make sure the angry tree chased myself so I could lead it away from me. I knew me would do the same for I.
I threw a rock at the angry tree and ran. I ran as fast as my four hooves could carry myself through the densest parts of the forest and away from the pond. I could hear the angry tree bark furiously as the rock smacked its face. I hoped I hurt it. But I could also hear the angry tree move, and it was faster than I, sadly. It wouldn’t be long before it caught up. Its steps were more precise than my own, and they were getting louder and ever closer.
But, unlike the angry tree, I was smart.
As soon as I could feel the angry tree’s rancid breath waft against the wisps of my tail, I ground my forehooves into the dirt and kicked out. There was a sickening snap of wood as my hooves connected with its jaw, but there was no time to check the damage. I had to keep running. No angry tree gives up that easily, even with a broken jaw. There was no doubt in my mind it was still after I.
So I ran. I dodged. I weaved. I jumped over every mound and ducked under every hanging branch. The angry tree’s paws thudded behind, and every time it would get too close I’d suddenly change direction, regaining a decent amount of space. But this couldn’t go on forever. I was getting tired. I didn’t even know where I was going. I just had to stay away from the pond and lose the angry tree.
Then I found a rock beyond a wall of light. It was a big rock, all rounded and large. It just sat there in the middle of a clearing. That’s when I had an idea. I was smarter than the angry tree.
I jumped onto the big round rock and spun around sharply. Soon thereafter the angry tree broke out of the foliage in front of myself with vigor. What remained of its jaw hung loosely connected by a few sparse twigs and its eyes glared death at I. It didn’t expect myself to stop and practically present myself to it, so it slowed down a bit in surprise. But it kept going, and it pounced.
I ducked and the angry tree sailed overhead. With that I too jumped, but in the opposite direction. I jumped to where the angry tree had jumped from, and in doing so I kicked at the big round rock. As I hoped, it rolled, and it rolled towards where the angry tree should have landed.
I wanted to make sure it rolled over the angry tree and crushed it, but there was no time. If I was wrong and it was alive, I would be killed. So I had to keep running. I didn’t hear the angry tree after that event, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still pursuing. I just had to keep running until I got too tired and then I could hide. So I did.
I found a hollow trunk of a big log and scrambled inside. It was really musty and smelled bad, but at least it wasn’t rancid. I didn’t hear any angry trees coming after myself, but I still had to be safe. I wasn’t dumb so I laid still. I hid there until the light had faded away. I was upset because of that because I would have to wait longer. When the light goes away and everything gets dark, the forest becomes very, very dangerous. It’s the time when all the bigger predators come out, so I always hid during the dark and try to sleep, waiting until things get light again. But I couldn’t sleep. Out of fear or caution I didn’t know. I could only think of me. I hoped me was alright.
I spent too long waiting out the dark, all alone by myself. My belly grumbled a little from the meal that had to be cut short, but I couldn’t really complain about that. I could eat again when the light came back. At least I was alive, and because of my bravery so was me. I knew me would surely love to hear about how I distracted the angry tree and drove it away from the pond.
After a very long, sleepless time the light finally returned. I carefully sneaked out of my hiding place, listening for every sound but none of them belonged to angry trees. All I heard was the sound of the forest, so I knew everything was right. Life could resume normally for me and I. Except I was a little lost. I just had to make my way to the pond. I had to find me again, but I knew it was now safe.
So I wandered. Everything from my hooves to my ears and eyes were as attentive as ever, snooping out every detail for a mere resemblance of a way back to the pond. That’s when I saw another large wall of light. At first I thought it was the clearing with the big round rock, but, much to my surprise, it wasn’t. I had just stumbled across the end of the forest.
I didn’t know the forest had an end. All the trees stopped to form a wall which spread from horizon to horizon, and everything beyond it was bare. It looked like a fire had leveled all the trees a long time ago, leaving only the green grass behind. I saw every dipping valley and arching hill, felt cool wind flow smoothly into my face, and the tall grasses danced in a way that was very inviting.
And me was there. Except, it wasn’t me. No, it was another me. This me wasn’t at home in the pond. I didn’t know there could be another me. I froze still. I had never seen a me before outside the pond. And this was definitely a me.
This me was a bright contrast to the me I knew and loved. This me’s fur coat was a very bright yellow, the yellow of light itself and of the most delicious flowers. This me also had fascinating hair, much longer and smoother than the me I knew, and it was lovely shade of the lightest colored blood. If blood could be light, not dark, that’s what color it would be. This me was the colors yellow and lightly colored blood. The hair was also free of sticks and mud and looked abnormally soft and smooth, I noticed, and a pair of wings stuck out and let the wind course through their delicate feathers.
Butterflies obliviously danced around this yellow me, swirling with the wind and looking like they wanted to play. But me was busy looking at myself with a face of pure, abject terror. No, this was not terror. This me looked like that one time the me I knew did when I returned to the pond after being away for a long time. Me had given myself a mixed look of fear and concern then. That’s what this other me was giving myself. Fear and concern. Worry. Confusion. Nothing was right. This was not the me I knew. I was scared.
I didn’t know what to do so I continued to stand there outside the forest end, staring at me while me looked back at I. We both stared at each other, silent, frightened. I wanted to bolt right then more than ever but my legs were locked and refused to budge. This me’s mouth then slowly opened and said something I didn’t know the meaning of. I felt even more scared, because I hadn’t said it too. Me and I always said the same things, perhaps even thought the same things, but not this me. This me wasn’t me nor was it I.
The other me took a step forward, blue eyes wide and beautiful, practically overflowing with inviting comfort and kindness. But it was a trick, I knew it. I didn’t know this me like I knew me, and this me didn’t know I like me did. This had to be some sort of deceptive trick. I’ve lived in the forest my whole life, and everything that looks beautiful is always a trick, just like those dangerous blue flowers. Or like the copper scales of a four-headed lizard. Or like the white caps of those nasty things that grow in the ground. Even an angry tree looks a little majestic in how it moves. Everything that is beautiful is out to get those like I. Fortunately me wasn’t beautiful. The me I knew was trustworthy. This me was not.
Then this me took another step towards myself and that’s when I had enough. My hooves finally found the will to move and I wasted no time darting back into the forest, back into my home. The other me wailed something as I sped away, but I didn’t understand the words. They had to be lies anyway.
So I ran. I wished I had never discovered there was a forest end or other mes. I ran from the forest end and back into its depths, hoping to find the pond where I would reunite with the me I knew and loved. I knew me would be relieved to see I.
Written by, RazgrizS57
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Man... I LOVE stories like this. Ones that just throw established writing perspective out the window, and just experiment with what you can do with writing.
I love it. Huge thumbs up, Raz.
Compellingly strange and sad, perhaps a bit rushed, but quite original in concept.
Thumbs up!
2109903
Agreed, I would have liked to see a bit slower pacing considering the strictly introspective nature of the narrative. Definitely quite unique, however, and leaves me wanting to know more.
Yeah, this was cool and fun. Nice work, Raz!
That was interesting. I liked the unreliability of the main character, but it seemed like something was missing. There didn't seem to be any questions. It was pretty easy to figure out that he was just seeing his reflection right from the beginning (you weren't really hiding it). Besides, 'who is he and what happened to him?' there wasn't too much else to guess at. It was rather open-ended, what with the beginning and ending the way they were, which leaves the opportunity for more I suppose.
Maybe if you hadn't revealed that Me was his reflection right from the start it would have better for pacing, but it is hard to pace a really short one shot like this. You don't really have much time to do it. Eh, what do I know? Either way, I think it had more good points than bad, so I thumbed it up.
That was definitely interesting to read. There need to be more stories that experiment with writing styles like this one.
2110162
I purposefully left a lot of things open for interpretation. I wanted the reader to leave the story with their own conclusions, which was the overall goal I had. There's a much more in-depth self-analysis here on my blog if you care to check it out.
2113881 Yeah, that pretty much covers what I had to say about it. It could have been a bit more structured, but it didn't really detract from the story that it wasn't.
I found that poetic in a sense. I wish I had more to say, but I'm not sure exactly what I think.
But a compliment is due so I'll say that was a fascinating read!
This reminds me of the story of Narcissus, if that story had continued. Well done!
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
This was very White Box-esque (which, from me, is definitely a compliment).
I enjoyed the pacing and the kind of mystery the reader is guided through. I also appreciated how the character's simple perception of the world didn't limit the vocabulary to make everything overly simple; I think a lot of writers who try this sort of story make the story almost unreadable just so it sounds "in character."
The only issue I had with it is that there's not much of an actual story within the story. There's a beautifully explored premise, but the events don't seem to have any particular significance. If it didn't end with "I" bolting away, but rather embracing this new pony (or maybe being pursued by them) and trying to cope (and possibly failing) with the idea that there are other ponies out there, I think this could have made a much more enthralling read. Even though I understand it's part of the character to evade others like a wild animal, I felt like there was still more to be told, even just within the protagonist's mind.
Over all, great story!
A fantastic read! Short, simple, subtle.
I guess if there's anything I might want to criticize, then it would be the fact that it doesn't tie in that closely with the MLP universe for it to have to be a pony fanfic. Perhaps making the story a bit longer, showing more of this character, and some more interactions with Fluttershy could solve this, although that would probably ruin that short, quick "burst"-like feel this story has (which I personally enjoyed). The way it is now, though, I think it could just as easily have been an original work.
Not that I have a problem with that, since I always welcome it whenever such non-conventional fics pop up. That, and I've gotten similar reviews myself...
I really liked this story because it plays with what you think at first, or at least, I think it does. At first you just think that the pony has no friends, or that it's just a bit crazy, but then you receive this sudden realization that the pony is just... alone. Alone and secluded, if I have to add.
Very good idea, and a very good story
Woah.
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/36639352.jpg
Awesome story!
Whoa... my brain is all twisted around right now.
Pretty good
nice work
So it was a pony outside the bounds of society? I thought it was an animal or some sort.
I forget the issue, but this reminds me of a Wolverine comic book I read a long time ago. Very well written story.
Lovely story but... its one flaw is that it's not really a pony story. This same exact tale could be placed in almost any universe and it would work just as well. It neither benefits from nor adds anything to the world of MLP. It's independent. Generic.
Do not get me wrong; that does not mean it is bad. It has earned a thumb up from me. But its connection to MLP is almost nonexistent, and that's just a tiny bit disappointing.
2320624
This. I love the White Box isolation vibe from this story, but the overall story felt very generic and only tenuously connected with MLP.
(Maybe rejig the story so the narrator is Zecora?)
Still, it was an interesting concept.
Typo? Or Am I being exceptionally dense this morning?
2321141 You are being exceptionally dense.
The narrator is talking about "other ponies" but since the narrator's world is divided only into "I" (myself) and "me" (not myself), other ponies are "mes". (Pronounced "mees".)
2321173
Ah. Mes as in "one me", "two mes". That makes sense. (I swear this story's stylistic use of pronouns feels like it jumped English Grammar in a dark alley, broke its back, and kicked it in its teeth).
2320624
True, this "exact tale could be placed in almost any universe" but then again, so could any story where the protagonist has no given name, gender, race, or any real physical description at all. That being said, I can only see that happening in the realm of fanfiction without being incredibly difficult. It doesn't necessarily add to the pony world, but I would argue that a good number of ponyfictions don't either. However, with the overall goal I had when writing this being to make the reader think and draw their own conclusions, I'd say I succeeded in that regard.
2321173
Oh? I thought I was me.
A lovely story that invites the reader to fill in the blanks and imagine the possibilities of a pony living in complete isolation for most of their life. Keep up the good work.
I realise it must have been very difficult to write this story as you could only use "me" when referring to the character Me, but one thing that has bugged me a little and kind of broken my immersion into the story was that you sometimes switched tense from past to present in a rather jarring way. Just a note for future writing.
Otherwise is was an awesome concept and very well executed! Great job!
This was great. I love when stories play around with pronouns, and how different the protagonist's vision of the world is affected by that. You also got the voice and the details of this unknown pony very well, enough to make me want to know more about his life and his world, but not too little to leave me frustrated.
There is a part of me that kinda wants a sequel, but then again this is great as-is, and I doubt adding more would make it better. On the other hand, seeing this character in the background of other works would be interesting. Anyway, great work.
Wow. this was an incredibly amazing, powerful story. I loved it.
2114425
You're right it was. It had a certain rhythm to it. I can't really explain it better than that.
What I really liked about the story, was it just stepped outside of everything. A herd animal, raised alone, who's only company was their reflection in a pond. No memories of others of his kind. Just one pony and his friend...no others in existence, trying to live in a dangerous world.
How would someone react if they never experienced seeing another pony? Would they be curious or just scared, since it's so far out of their known world? And what would happen if some ponies got together and tried to find him?
Very good story.
This was a wondrous one-shot to read.
Oh my that was a fun bit of reading.
Thanks for that!
Holy crap, so many pronouns!
Anywho, this was great, Raz. It was a very unique, well-executed piece. I loved it!
I is satisfied with a story other me wrote.
Aand how.
Very cool. I was really excited to get to this one, and I'm pleased to have read it. : ) Precisely the kind of thing I enjoy.
Interesting experience and strong execution with this one. Short and a nice way to spend a few minutes; the unique kind of mental stimulation from these kinds of stories is much appreciated.
This is a nice little story, one I can say is truly unique. My brain's a little twisted in loops, but I liked it, enough so to present you with this:
24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png
I have made a picture inspired by this fic and wanted to share it anybody that would want to see it.
http://umbraeternal.deviantart.com/art/I-Alone-429617616
3847404
Hey, that's awesome! Thanks!
I usually don't find myself enjoying the type of stories where 'nothing happens', but the cleverness of and flow of the words kept me entertained throughout. I could easily see a pony living in the Everfree (assuming that's where this is from the timberwolf) being a bit mad. Makes me wonder whether he has always been there or whether something happened to him in the forest and he lost his memory.
I think the headcanon I'm going to stick to is that there was something in the pond water
Reading of story can be found here.
A purposefully peculiar tale, but intriguing to the point where one does not stop 'til the end. Quite a unique read.