Futa-Twilight? If I wasn't invested in this already, I am so onboard now, dood.
EDIT: I just came back to realize that... Twilight becomes Mare-Magnet = the characters listed in description(excluding Twilight) will be walking funny for days, dood.
This would be a better chapter if it weren't for the Luna part at the beginning. All it is is an exposition dump of things we more or less know from just watching the series. About the only new things we get from that are that Celestia and Luna made the Elements of Harmony, and that Luna is jealous of and has the hots for Twilight. The rest is just repeating things we've already learned from watching the series. Just as a matter of good writing it's generally better to only give as much exposition as is immediately necessary to the plot. If it doesn't have anything to do with whats going on now, save it till it is. That section would be much better if you cut it back to just the bit about Luna being the Mistress of the Dark and what that means, her being jealous of Twilight, and her implied attraction to Twilight. The history lesson is largely redundant.
In contrast, the expo dump at the end of the chapter from Chrysalis (despite being a long, uninterrupted bout of exposition) was immediately relevant to the plot and something we didn't already know.
Lol oh my glob i love how you list off reasons of why twilight has grown on other people and just keep dragging people in. More characters = better, may faust have mercy when the shit storm approaches. This fic is going to be featured and is one of the better stories, only four chapters in and im hooked. Keep up the good work and im surprised this is your first clopfic. Thumbs up and hope u write more and futatwi is win btw
2211479 Haha, I don't know whether or not I should be proud or ashamed of that... so I'm just going to go with the evil laugh. Mwahahahahahahahahaha-HA!
2211565 Oooo! Yay! Critical response, how I love thee! To explain: in my Kim Possible fanfics, I always approached it as people who were already familiar with the show, but then I started thinking about it. As writers we all have a slightly different take on canon, and how canonical aspects extrapolate (such as when to use panicked Twilight versus calm Twilight.) I also thought, well, what about readers who don't care to over think aspects of canon that are neither explicitly or implicitly dealt with? So I thought I'd use the exposition to reach out to the lowest common denominator of the new or the uninformed fan.
Thank you for reminding me that I'm not just writing for the uninitiated but for the serious fan. It was a necessary reality check, and gave me a good kick in the rump that I was pretty much just being lazy (and probably because I'm writing this more off the cuff than from a serious, plotted outline; just me getting my thoughts down on paper to solidify my perspective. ) I can definitely craft the old and new information in media res by peppering enough vanilla canon across the fic to inform the new fan without boring the bronies and fanfillies.
2225754 well its just so... umm I can't necessarily explain it really, what i'm trying to say is that this plot twist it's so intense. I hope I explained the comment better.
I thought for sure Twilight was going to take a more dominant role in this story from how things sounded. So far though it is the complete opposite. She is being raped by three mares who claim to now like her. Twilight was quite vocal and distinct telling them no, stop. They ignored her and are raping her repeatedly. This is grimdark territory here, hardly romance.
Oh Twilight, you will be quite busy from now on... But I want to eat! I'm starving! Nonono, you can't waste any time for such trivial things. Onward, brave filly! Your destiny awaits!
Hi Everypony! I've been having problems with saving my work on here and have been trying to find someway to keep writing... well at least I think I've worked out the saving problem. So it's back to the fic!
Haha I've had that problem a lot. My very first Kim Possible fanfic, I started with Yori, literally, a character that only appeared in four episodes of all four KP seasons. Twilight will start slowly, becuase she will be the focus throughout the fic. I wanted to show the affect from a more personal perspective. The "consent-is-overated/ravishment" scene to me was a good mix of taboo and disturbed, and skirted the edge of rape pretty closely... but then we have those sorts of um, fantasies, ok? Men hardly have those fantasies, but if we're honest, most of us women do have those.
2374258 Thanks. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how I'm going to keep the smexy up each chapter without plot or character development.
2374335 Heehee! I can't wait! Better finish this as soon as I can!
I must say, this fic has been absolutely fantastic so far, and has immediately become one of the clopfics whose updates I will love the most. As I've said elsewhere, this fandom really needs more good Mind Control fics, and this one is really hitting all my favorite points. Especially considering how it's shaping up to be an "everything that moves" clopfic. Those are my favorite.
I wonder, will there ever be any more direct instances of control/obedience, or will it remain as a mostly passive form of forced attraction? Either way it's great, and I can't wait for more!
Sorry for the long silence. Life happens and sometimes it takes you away from things that you love (I mean the writing, not the clop, lol.) Anyway, so many things have happened I practically feel like a new me!
2444818 This fic is an examination of of sexuality, tied into something as crazy and Mr. Smartypants. Twilight has just become Ms. Smexypants, for all intents and purposes. There is a long developmental arc for her sexuality, her attractiveness, her powers, all her relationships, and even the political landscape of Equestria and how they are changed.
2399351 It's got ravishment/noncon, but not rape (seriously, why do people think that rape feels good for the victim? It never does.) domination, mind-control.
2399351 Thanks! When I first started out this fic, I wasn't looking at rewriting the traditional uses of "alicorn." In this fic, Alicorn is used as both a euphemism and an additional... um... organ? Also, since all three races of ponies have intrinsic magic to them (with Pinkie Pie the only earth pony to approach Alicorn levels in raw ability and power) Twilight's especially power and now potently attractive alicorn substance is like a siren's call to them... and given that there is a very sensually charged and personal nature to alicorn horns (as substantiated implicitly from canon; only very intimate unicorns touch horns)
2619406 I believe you commented on scorpion instead of me on that second one. His says nothing about rape.
Point blank, sex always feels good unless they are hurting them during. Unless they want it, it's rape, even if they change their mind half way, that first part was considered rape. If they are asleep, it's touchy and could be reconsidered on technicalities and how they feel about each other plus prior permissions and such, but it is usually still considered rape. It's also rape if they are in a debilitated state of mind where they don't understand the situation or really what's going on. This is why child sex is outlawed, because most of the time, the kid is being manipulated (whether through playing on their hormones and inexperience or their fears) or forced and then manipulated to say it didn't happen or just plain aren't sure what's happening but it feels good so they go with it.
So no, maybe Twilight isn't raped constantly through the fic, but that bit about her getting sexed up in her sleep? That was rape unless twilight was at least partially aware and able to stop them when she wanted or had given them consent before hand. To say the least, it's a messy situation that calls for a bit of "I didn't mind" from Twilight before it can be called in the clear.
2177383 Wait... that might have been the technicality needed for the previous argument... they went overboard but you might be able to play that off with Twi waking up and going "I totally approve".
2623266 Twilight will need some time to work through her feelings about what was done in the name of medical services. But it's going to be a bit of a ride until then.
Unfortunately my mate wanted to watch Red Dawn, so no writing. Maybe tonight... hopefully. And wow, what a disastrously bad movie.
Wait, Red Dawn as in the movie where Mexico and Soviets team up and invade? I don't know about the remake, but the original was... surprisingly dark. You could sort of get the feeling of the kid's souls being eroded by the violence they were enacting in their rebellion. I don't even remember whether any survived at the end or not...
This is good, really good. The way you're setting things up flows really well and I can't say I've seen an explanation for the changeling invasion that didn't have an evil Chrysalis work so well. Celestia is sounding like a real ass in this fic, I'm hoping it won't turn out that way.
One thing that bothers me is your use of the word Alicorn for three different things. The horn, the substance that makes up the horn and the fluid coming out of it. The last two make sense, but the first could easily be replaced by horn, and I think it would help since we don't read the same word over and over.
So yeah, very hot and I'm really enjoying the progression. Keep it up please.
I agree! I really need to limit my use of the word "alicorn," especially when the Princesses show up.
Celestia does things for her own reasons, and Chrysalis has reason to be bitter; some of these reasons will be implied in the next chapter.
I'm smoothing out some of the clop scenes in the next chapter. Hopefully I will have it out soon, and thanks for reading!
2744673 My partner told me that the old movie most of the man characters died except for the geek and the girlfriend? Something like that? Pretty much the same with the remake, although it was the Koreans and Soviets.
This is one of those fics where I would rather it wasn't a smutfic since it's the story what seems the most interesting (to me, at least). Not that you write smut badly or anything (it's fairly well-written, to be honest), it's just that I find myself mostly scrolling past it to get back to the actual plot. :X
Nice combination of smut and story, I like it. Also, I like the backstory you have made for the changelings. I don't think I've seen them this way before.
I'm having a time of it writing the next chapter and probably will get some comments about the chapter I'm working on, but rest assured, I'm reaching the end. It's Thanksgiving in Canada, and I'm hoping to get some writing time in.
Thanks for your patience and I hope you feel the wait was worth it when I post the next chapter.
As the Guardian of the Moon, Luna had studied long and hard for the good of Equestria...
The whole paragraph, it paints a wonderful backstory in only so many words. I might steal that idea from you - it's very coherent, and resonates well with the way I see the Diarchs. Much more believable than whatever is usually spun. Also, it lends itself well to stories that vibrate around the concept of "not so different after all", where ponies are not at all unlike people... only somewhat better thanks to Celestia's and Luna's ongoing efforts.
It also brings to mind a particular story where the Diarchs are, for whatever reason, removed... Fast forward 2-3 hundred years, and you basically have something resembling Earth. With the efforts of Celestia and Luna removed, ponies fall to their baser instincts of fear, shunning and repressed desire.
WHOA, DOOD.
Futa-Twilight? If I wasn't invested in this already, I am so onboard now, dood.
EDIT: I just came back to realize that... Twilight becomes Mare-Magnet = the characters listed in description(excluding Twilight) will be walking funny for days, dood.
Yay, my first Futafic...and it's Twilight...
This would be a better chapter if it weren't for the Luna part at the beginning. All it is is an exposition dump of things we more or less know from just watching the series. About the only new things we get from that are that Celestia and Luna made the Elements of Harmony, and that Luna is jealous of and has the hots for Twilight. The rest is just repeating things we've already learned from watching the series. Just as a matter of good writing it's generally better to only give as much exposition as is immediately necessary to the plot. If it doesn't have anything to do with whats going on now, save it till it is. That section would be much better if you cut it back to just the bit about Luna being the Mistress of the Dark and what that means, her being jealous of Twilight, and her implied attraction to Twilight. The history lesson is largely redundant.
In contrast, the expo dump at the end of the chapter from Chrysalis (despite being a long, uninterrupted bout of exposition) was immediately relevant to the plot and something we didn't already know.
Lol oh my glob i love how you list off reasons of why twilight has grown on other people and just keep dragging people in. More characters = better, may faust have mercy when the shit storm approaches. This fic is going to be featured and is one of the better stories, only four chapters in and im hooked. Keep up the good work and im surprised this is your first clopfic. Thumbs up and hope u write more and futatwi is win btw
Obviously, Twilight is the center of attention in all of this.
2158106
2177796
2203628
2211325
2211370
2211598
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR KIND COMMENTS!
2211479
Haha, I don't know whether or not I should be proud or ashamed of that... so I'm just going to go with the evil laugh.
Mwahahahahahahahahaha-HA!
2211565
Oooo! Yay! Critical response, how I love thee!
To explain: in my Kim Possible fanfics, I always approached it as people who were already familiar with the show, but then I started thinking about it. As writers we all have a slightly different take on canon, and how canonical aspects extrapolate (such as when to use panicked Twilight versus calm Twilight.) I also thought, well, what about readers who don't care to over think aspects of canon that are neither explicitly or implicitly dealt with? So I thought I'd use the exposition to reach out to the lowest common denominator of the new or the uninformed fan.
Thank you for reminding me that I'm not just writing for the uninitiated but for the serious fan. It was a necessary reality check, and gave me a good kick in the rump that I was pretty much just being lazy (and probably because I'm writing this more off the cuff than from a serious, plotted outline; just me getting my thoughts down on paper to solidify my perspective. ) I can definitely craft the old and new information in media res by peppering enough vanilla canon across the fic to inform the new fan without boring the bronies and fanfillies.
Thanks again!
NO NOOO!
2222987
Um...? Please elaborate?
2225754 well its just so... umm I can't necessarily explain it really, what i'm trying to say is that this plot twist it's so intense. I hope I explained the comment better.
I thought for sure Twilight was going to take a more dominant role in this story from how things sounded. So far though it is the complete opposite. She is being raped by three mares who claim to now like her. Twilight was quite vocal and distinct telling them no, stop. They ignored her and are raping her repeatedly. This is grimdark territory here, hardly romance.
This is just getting AMAZING!!!
Will elaborate on this story next chapter, when I'm not tired
Oh Twilight, you will be quite busy from now on...
But I want to eat! I'm starving!
Nonono, you can't waste any time for such trivial things. Onward, brave filly! Your destiny awaits!
I hope you manage to write the next chapter soon
Hi Everypony!
I've been having problems with saving my work on here and have been trying to find someway to keep writing... well at least I think I've worked out the saving problem. So it's back to the fic!
2273612
Haha I've had that problem a lot. My very first Kim Possible fanfic, I started with Yori, literally, a character that only appeared in four episodes of all four KP seasons. Twilight will start slowly, becuase she will be the focus throughout the fic. I wanted to show the affect from a more personal perspective. The "consent-is-overated/ravishment" scene to me was a good mix of taboo and disturbed, and skirted the edge of rape pretty closely... but then we have those sorts of um, fantasies, ok? Men hardly have those fantasies, but if we're honest, most of us women do have those.
2374258
Thanks. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how I'm going to keep the smexy up each chapter without plot or character development.
2374335
Heehee! I can't wait! Better finish this as soon as I can!
2380589
Working on it! Finally...
I must say, this fic has been absolutely fantastic so far, and has immediately become one of the clopfics whose updates I will love the most.
As I've said elsewhere, this fandom really needs more good Mind Control fics, and this one is really hitting all my favorite points. Especially considering how it's shaping up to be an "everything that moves" clopfic. Those are my favorite.
I wonder, will there ever be any more direct instances of control/obedience, or will it remain as a mostly passive form of forced attraction?
Either way it's great, and I can't wait for more!
So basically Twilight just cast a spell that gets her raped constantly. owch.
2381726
This is good! CanĀ“t wait for the next chapter!
2150627
When there are clouds in the sky, and they are grey.
You may be sad but remember that love will pas away.
For Twilight
After the shower is the sun.
Will be shining.
Sorry. I noticed the lyrics were incomplete so my OCD kicked in.
Honestly, I was pretty jealous. But of the Nurses or of Twilight, I still don't know
Hi Everypony!
Sorry for the long silence. Life happens and sometimes it takes you away from things that you love (I mean the writing, not the clop, lol.) Anyway, so many things have happened I practically feel like a new me!
2444818
This fic is an examination of of sexuality, tied into something as crazy and Mr. Smartypants. Twilight has just become Ms. Smexypants, for all intents and purposes. There is a long developmental arc for her sexuality, her attractiveness, her powers, all her relationships, and even the political landscape of Equestria and how they are changed.
2399351
It's got ravishment/noncon, but not rape (seriously, why do people think that rape feels good for the victim? It never does.) domination, mind-control.
2399351
Thanks! When I first started out this fic, I wasn't looking at rewriting the traditional uses of "alicorn." In this fic, Alicorn is used as both a euphemism and an additional... um... organ? Also, since all three races of ponies have intrinsic magic to them (with Pinkie Pie the only earth pony to approach Alicorn levels in raw ability and power) Twilight's especially power and now potently attractive alicorn substance is like a siren's call to them... and given that there is a very sensually charged and personal nature to alicorn horns (as substantiated implicitly from canon; only very intimate unicorns touch horns)
Once again, sorry for the long absence!
2619406
I believe you commented on scorpion instead of me on that second one. His says nothing about rape.
Point blank, sex always feels good unless they are hurting them during. Unless they want it, it's rape, even if they change their mind half way, that first part was considered rape. If they are asleep, it's touchy and could be reconsidered on technicalities and how they feel about each other plus prior permissions and such, but it is usually still considered rape. It's also rape if they are in a debilitated state of mind where they don't understand the situation or really what's going on. This is why child sex is outlawed, because most of the time, the kid is being manipulated (whether through playing on their hormones and inexperience or their fears) or forced and then manipulated to say it didn't happen or just plain aren't sure what's happening but it feels good so they go with it.
So no, maybe Twilight isn't raped constantly through the fic, but that bit about her getting sexed up in her sleep? That was rape unless twilight was at least partially aware and able to stop them when she wanted or had given them consent before hand. To say the least, it's a messy situation that calls for a bit of "I didn't mind" from Twilight before it can be called in the clear.
2177383
Wait... that might have been the technicality needed for the previous argument... they went overboard but you might be able to play that off with Twi waking up and going "I totally approve".
2623266
Twilight will need some time to work through her feelings about what was done in the name of medical services. But it's going to be a bit of a ride until then.
Unfortunately my mate wanted to watch Red Dawn, so no writing. Maybe tonight... hopefully. And wow, what a disastrously bad movie.
2624197
er, the original or the remake?
2630041
The remake, I was only a year old when the first one came out and never watched it.
2624197
Wait, Red Dawn as in the movie where Mexico and Soviets team up and invade? I don't know about the remake, but the original was... surprisingly dark. You could sort of get the feeling of the kid's souls being eroded by the violence they were enacting in their rebellion. I don't even remember whether any survived at the end or not...
This is good, really good. The way you're setting things up flows really well and I can't say I've seen an explanation for the changeling invasion that didn't have an evil Chrysalis work so well. Celestia is sounding like a real ass in this fic, I'm hoping it won't turn out that way.
One thing that bothers me is your use of the word Alicorn for three different things. The horn, the substance that makes up the horn and the fluid coming out of it. The last two make sense, but the first could easily be replaced by horn, and I think it would help since we don't read the same word over and over.
So yeah, very hot and I'm really enjoying the progression. Keep it up please.
2808252
Hi! Thanks for the comments!
I agree! I really need to limit my use of the word "alicorn," especially when the Princesses show up.
Celestia does things for her own reasons, and Chrysalis has reason to be bitter; some of these reasons will be implied in the next chapter.
I'm smoothing out some of the clop scenes in the next chapter. Hopefully I will have it out soon, and thanks for reading!
2744673
My partner told me that the old movie most of the man characters died except for the geek and the girlfriend? Something like that? Pretty much the same with the remake, although it was the Koreans and Soviets.
This is one of those fics where I would rather it wasn't a smutfic since it's the story what seems the most interesting (to me, at least). Not that you write smut badly or anything (it's fairly well-written, to be honest), it's just that I find myself mostly scrolling past it to get back to the actual plot. :X
Nice combination of smut and story, I like it. Also, I like the backstory you have made for the changelings. I don't think I've seen them this way before.
Not bad. Overall, good story.
Upvoted and put on story alert.
hope you update soon
man, this sounds awesome! hope you get around to updating soon.
Hi everypony!
I'm having a time of it writing the next chapter and probably will get some comments about the chapter I'm working on, but rest assured, I'm reaching the end. It's Thanksgiving in Canada, and I'm hoping to get some writing time in.
Thanks for your patience and I hope you feel the wait was worth it when I post the next chapter.
-Pixie
3425764
Wait, what? OMG, thanks! Hope that fixed it.
The whole paragraph, it paints a wonderful backstory in only so many words. I might steal that idea from you - it's very coherent, and resonates well with the way I see the Diarchs. Much more believable than whatever is usually spun. Also, it lends itself well to stories that vibrate around the concept of "not so different after all", where ponies are not at all unlike people... only somewhat better thanks to Celestia's and Luna's ongoing efforts.
It also brings to mind a particular story where the Diarchs are, for whatever reason, removed... Fast forward 2-3 hundred years, and you basically have something resembling Earth. With the efforts of Celestia and Luna removed, ponies fall to their baser instincts of fear, shunning and repressed desire.