It may just be me, but your descriptions of coat colors goes way overboard at times. We'll know what you mean if you call 'em purple and orange, going too far makes it read like a trashy romance novel.
Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying the story immensely, but it does tend to jerk me out of my immersion.
>> AlwaystheCurious >> Animemetalhead I was trying to think of the most stupidly witty things to say, but they all ended up more the former than the latter. Here were some of the front runners: 1) Can't a little lesbian dream of some romance in her clopfics? 2) I guess that's my anal side coming out! Obviously the first, I'm not that little. The second.... poor choice of words for a fic like this, lol. I'll just settle with: OMG you guys are so right. I will reign in that runaway pony before we end up head over hock. But now if makes me wonder if I should edit the previous chapters... Oh! I can still use those colours when I focus on Rarity! Time building out proper colour names for each of the ponies NOT LOST! Yay! BTW is there a FAQ or something for the reply box? I don't really know how to use it... like tagging people and stuff... EDIT: Nevermind, I found it!
2159380 Ooops! Yes you are absolutely right! I was being, um, very strict about the colours but I'm feeling much better now! I will adjust. And sorry everyone, I am having a little trouble writing the clop (who would have guessed writing good clop would be so, um... I was going to say difficult...) Anyway, I hope to have three clop chapters out in time for Sunday Mass; I usually get a lot of writing done when I'm not planning to sneak attack my partner... ...What?
4950094 When Spike initially told Rarity that Twilight was hurt, he gave her the details while they were running back to the library, the author didn't write a full scene of the explanation because we already know the details, so the author just put in a sentence saying spike told her and then a few sentences of Rarity's reaction and feelings towards it.
And yes, I apologize for no clop in this chapter, but it's just set-up for some filly freaking.
If an event is to be impactful, it needs the proper amount of set-up. If you want readers to sympathise with the characters, you first need to make the characters likeable and relatable. In the case of fanfiction, you already have some ground to work with, sure, but you need to tweak and bend the characters to work with your particular idea.
All of that takes time, and if you're going for a bigger setup, it'll take more time than perhaps even the finale, sometimes.
You have a good premise here - Twilight finally gets desperate and, in her typical naivete, decides to do something that in hindsight should've rang all associated alarm bells. I like clop, but in scenarios that involve mind control or something similar (like, say, pheromones), I also like reading about how the characters' perception is slowly eroded/twisted into its new, intended (or not) direction.
tl;dr - if y'all wanted clop right off the bat, there's a number of one-shots that deliver (and then some)
2151100 I dunno, dood.
Twilight becomes a mare magnet and Spike isn't a tag on the story or in the description...I doubt it, dood.
It's a Twiharem, I'm fine with this, dood.
2153301
O, I haven't watched that yet, but I think Pinkie would make a great art nouveau singer!
It may just be me, but your descriptions of coat colors goes way overboard at times. We'll know what you mean if you call 'em purple and orange, going too far makes it read like a trashy romance novel.
Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying the story immensely, but it does tend to jerk me out of my immersion.
>> AlwaystheCurious
>> Animemetalhead
I was trying to think of the most stupidly witty things to say, but they all ended up more the former than the latter. Here were some of the front runners:
1) Can't a little lesbian dream of some romance in her clopfics?
2) I guess that's my anal side coming out!
Obviously the first, I'm not that little. The second.... poor choice of words for a fic like this, lol.
I'll just settle with: OMG you guys are so right. I will reign in that runaway pony before we end up head over hock.
But now if makes me wonder if I should edit the previous chapters...
Oh! I can still use those colours when I focus on Rarity! Time building out proper colour names for each of the ponies NOT LOST! Yay!
BTW is there a FAQ or something for the reply box? I don't really know how to use it... like tagging people and stuff...
EDIT: Nevermind, I found it!
Well now I need to see how this story shall turn out and I might as well follow it to the end!
*Sigh... so I had to add this fic to the "Incest" clopfic group folder because.... well, of the next chapter...
Just followin' da rulz.
Edit:
2156840
You will not be disappointed! Well, IMO, anyway, haha...
I like where this is heading
Last I checked, Rarity and Nurse Redheart have white coats; Derpy's coat is light grey.
2159380
Ooops! Yes you are absolutely right! I was being, um, very strict about the colours but I'm feeling much better now!
I will adjust.
And sorry everyone, I am having a little trouble writing the clop (who would have guessed writing good clop would be so, um... I was going to say difficult...) Anyway, I hope to have three clop chapters out in time for Sunday Mass; I usually get a lot of writing done when I'm not planning to sneak attack my partner...
...What?
Liking this story so far but just a stupid question, is Twilight considered ugly in this story?
Because this line makes me wonder
so when did Spike actually say to rarity that this was happening because Twilight was getting desperate?
4950094
When Spike initially told Rarity that Twilight was hurt, he gave her the details while they were running back to the library, the author didn't write a full scene of the explanation because we already know the details, so the author just put in a sentence saying spike told her and then a few sentences of Rarity's reaction and feelings towards it.
If an event is to be impactful, it needs the proper amount of set-up. If you want readers to sympathise with the characters, you first need to make the characters likeable and relatable. In the case of fanfiction, you already have some ground to work with, sure, but you need to tweak and bend the characters to work with your particular idea.
All of that takes time, and if you're going for a bigger setup, it'll take more time than perhaps even the finale, sometimes.
You have a good premise here - Twilight finally gets desperate and, in her typical naivete, decides to do something that in hindsight should've rang all associated alarm bells. I like clop, but in scenarios that involve mind control or something similar (like, say, pheromones), I also like reading about how the characters' perception is slowly eroded/twisted into its new, intended (or not) direction.
tl;dr - if y'all wanted clop right off the bat, there's a number of one-shots that deliver (and then some)