Oh thank Luna you had Pinkie tell Twilight to butt out. That subplot was annoying the fuck out of me. I hope that if she does ignore Pinkie's advice that she gets caught and charged with stalking or something.
Overall it was a pretty average chapter, did what it was supposed to do without anything spectacular to make it stand out from the others, but you need those in the story to move it along and make those with world shattering events stand out.
Still, it's nice to know that Carrot isn't the paragon of saintliness he was starting to seem to be, and that if there are problems between him and Cup, it's his fault too
2312827 Really? Huh, you're welcome I guess. I figured you'd planned to have Twilight be stalkery and tell Pinkie about this and then be told to butt out the whole time, it seemed like a natural progression that moved the story along. Not that I'm not happy to hear that I helped, I love it when I help, mostly cause I get to do this:
Stories that I've inspired to be written/change course/helped past writers block: 67!
Gods, the heat is really, really burning now, huh? Damn, poor Carrot feel worse for Pinkie though, wow, this is going to go very, very, very badly....and I'm all in
You should probably go with a rewrite of this chapter as well. Now that you've removed Carrot threatening Pinkie, he never told Pinkie about how Cup Cake wanted to get rid of her, so
“I think she does, deep down,” Cup Cake said. “You were the one that fought to keep her, after all. Does she know that?”
“I have told her that. I’m sorry, I know it doesn’t make you look good, but she was wondering about it and I had to tell her the truth.”
doesn't make too much sense for readers going through this the first time, as there's no point of reference as to who Carrot was fighting with to keep her.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30jq0aHRZ7M
Granted, wrong reference. I keep hearing this song when I read this story.
Damn it, Carrot. You had an easy out there. Just do her and she would forget. Now she's going to think about divorce too.
oh gawd this is going to hurt...
*my anus is ready*
shits getting real
Oh thank Luna you had Pinkie tell Twilight to butt out. That subplot was annoying the fuck out of me. I hope that if she does ignore Pinkie's advice that she gets caught and charged with stalking or something.
Overall it was a pretty average chapter, did what it was supposed to do without anything spectacular to make it stand out from the others, but you need those in the story to move it along and make those with world shattering events stand out.
Still, it's nice to know that Carrot isn't the paragon of saintliness he was starting to seem to be, and that if there are problems between him and Cup, it's his fault too
Commence read.
This can't go too well.
So much build
SO MUCH BUILD GAWD
THE VOLCANO MUST ERUPT
EVERYPONY PREPARE THY FEELS UMBRELLAS
2310789 Your comment actually prompted me to do that, so thank you.
2312827 Really? Huh, you're welcome I guess. I figured you'd planned to have Twilight be stalkery and tell Pinkie about this and then be told to butt out the whole time, it seemed like a natural progression that moved the story along. Not that I'm not happy to hear that I helped, I love it when I help, mostly cause I get to do this:
Stories that I've inspired to be written/change course/helped past writers block:
67!Unwanted marriage advice: if it's caused by sex, it can be solved by sex.
I do so look forward to every installment of this series.
Gods, the heat is really, really burning now, huh? Damn, poor Carrot feel worse for Pinkie though, wow, this is going to go very, very, very badly....and I'm all in
You should probably go with a rewrite of this chapter as well. Now that you've removed Carrot threatening Pinkie, he never told Pinkie about how Cup Cake wanted to get rid of her, so
doesn't make too much sense for readers going through this the first time, as there's no point of reference as to who Carrot was fighting with to keep her.