'You never know what live can do to you. One day its happy and some days its bad and some days will be spacial.'
Flower goes out with a pony called star but the thing is he is not what she thinks
Chapters (2)
pinkiepiestyle101
Joined 8th Oct, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- AimBot · 7.8k words · 922 30 · 9.9k views
- Meep the Changeling · 41k words · 234 5 · 3.1k views
- Jacoboby1 · 5.2k words · 67 1 · 2.6k views
- Pen Mightier · 9.6k words · 148 12 · 2.8k views
- Commander_Pensword · 2.8m words · 551 69 · 20k views
- Kevinltk · 205k words · 814 15 · 9.1k views
- Bucking Nonsense · 11k words · 530 11 · 5.1k views
- Bucking Nonsense · 15k words · 615 14 · 7.6k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.147 seconds
Total duration
1,092 users online
2,332,962 hits today, 2,707,512 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
There is a mistake in this sentence alone, not to mention nearly every other in both chapters. Story's description itself is far from perfect. It should rather be like that:
Compare it with what you have to find the difference.
About the story itself. I won't hide it - I've read it for the lulz. I mean, new story, short like hell and with so many mistakes in description itself... what can possibly go wrong? It's written SO bad, that it made me laugh instead of rage. Well ok, there was some *fake* rage too. Everything is wrong... I don't even know where to start, honestly. You mix tenses horribly, use wrong words (sometimes with similar pronunciation), write "I" with small letter everywhere. There are too many mistakes to even highlight most of them here, so have some general advice:
1. Please learn more English. You are not proficient with it enough to write things like that on your own.
2. If you want to write anyway and practice by that, then find a proofreader. Proofreader is someone who knows the language and will read your work before publishing, so you can avoid having mistakes in every sentence. Be it a friend of yours, but you NEED a proofreader.
3. If you write - do it in program that will check for mistakes as well. Like MS Word.
4. I would also advise you to read other, highly rated fanfics to see how they are written. How dialogues are constructed. How everything is constructed.
Now don't get discouraged by what I said. This story is faaar from perfect, far from decent even, but everyone started somewhere. Judging by *quality* of your first work, I'd rather say that best thing you can do is study more English and read other fanfics to get a grasp on how all this works. So learn, read, write and have it checked by a teacher or someone who knows the language and, most of all, don't give up. Maybe one day you'll have your story in the featured box. good luck.
Many mistakes.... Still liked it though..
2080745 But if everyone did those kind of things then we would have a site full of decently-written, and moderately interesting fanfics. There would be no fics like http://www.fimfiction.net/story/44692/big-macs-dark-secret for me to laugh at until I cry at the sheer insanity and level of grammar represented within.
I love your unique style!
2080745I just noticed that you said "i" instead of "in." Not trying to be rude or anything but you have to admit, that is ironic.
Okay I'm going to give my honest opinion. There are many grammar and spelling errors within this short chapter. I liked it though, don't get me wrong, but the spelling and grammar mistakes makes this very hard to read. The plot of the story seems very good, and I am going to definitely continue reading it, but you seem to be rushing things a little and you are using a little too much past tense in your story. I am not one to be judging you on this because I did the same mistake with the first chapter of my story, but the outsider's eye sees better than your own. I am suggesting to you to get an editor and/or proofreader to help point out and maybe even fix the mistakes in the story, if you already have one then you have my apologizes because it is not clearly shown in your work. No offense. Also I have noticed that this if your first fic and you have not joined Authors helping Authors which in my opinion is a brilliant group were we new authors and some older ones try to help each other by reading each others fics and reviewing them and saying how to make them better. I highly recommend you join this group. Well that's all I have to say, for now, cheers mates!
2086132 Fix'd.
Can't believe I missed that since I've read the whole thing like 3-4 times before sending. I guess those are the results of using unfamiliar keyboard (netbook) and writing comments at 2 am or so. Even then my 1st thought was like "Valk. Why are you trying to write smth smart at this hour? Valk. Stahp."
2088014 The irony in your comment was hilarious though, and I have done the exact same thing with my comments. Like today with this comment... wow I should get more sleep. Walking up early is just making me brain dead