...Do as Molestia does (Narrated by Molestia)
There was a introduction to this chapter, but... I'd rather not speak of it.
We had s-
S'mores. That is all, nothing else that starts with s.
"Sweet Celestia of Equestria, it feels like we've been standing here for about a month!" Discord exclaimed, obviously annoyed at the author taking a month just to update a chapter. "Next time, at least we better be left somewhere that sells better cabbages. The ones in this city are so meh."
The group continued their ascent up the stairs to the royal castle, stopping just short of the door, before Twiman stopped then, Twilight taking over her personality. "Alright, I'm all for some fun and games, but let's not do anything to anger Celestia. She can be..." Twilight gulped, "unforgiving."
"Yeah, yeah. I've dealt with these royal types before, just sitting in their castles all day doing nothing important. I bet she was attacked by some evil villain and failed miserably while trying to fight back, didn't she?" the Dovahkiin asked, ignoring Twiman's answer as he stepped into the large hall.
"I like him," Discord shouted, following the fearless Dragonborn inside. "All these ponies are so boring. It's always 'oh Princess, you are all so mighty and I'm nothing!' Or some sort of rubbish like that."
"Yeah, nobody likes royalty. You know, I once killed an emperor, the person who rules the entire country. He died like he lived: a bitch!"
"Well, wouldn't say Celly deserves to be killed... But she definitely deserves a good-"
"Molesting?" Discord screamed as the face of none other than Celestia appeared right next to him, her pupils shrunken to mere dots. "I'd love that, but I do the molesting in here!" She laughed, then looked at the Dovahkiin, who was backing slowly away. "And who is this?" she asked, looking over his armor. "Ugh, so much armor... Let's just take care of that!"
Before the Dovahkiin could react, all of his armor was teleported away. Luckily for him, he seemed to have permanent undergarments composed of a white rag that never seemed to go away. He looked up, revealing his face finally.
"I had 300 Daedric hearts in my armor..." His blue eyes slowly filled with sadness, his brown hair falling over his face.
"Don't worry," she said while rolling her eyes, "all of the stuff that was on your armor is stored in your eyebrows now."
He reached up and touched his eyebrow. Sure enough, he was able to pull out seventeen plates, 300 Daedric hearts, 30 pieces of silver ore, and a set of robes, which he for some odd reason didn't put on. "Oh, awesome!" Before even Twiman could ask how he accomplished such a feat, he replaced everything back into his right eyebrow.
"Now that all of that is settled, shall we start with the molesting? You, the white one. Step forward!" she said, a wide grin on her face. Rarity pointed to herself with worry and confusion plastered onto her face, to which Molestia nodded.
"Uh..."
"Shh... You're perfect. That flank..." Celestia gasped, biting her lower lip. "It's so round and perfectly plump! Not too much weight, but neither is there too little weight. I'll get to you later, right after I choose more suitable partners..."
"But, I-" Before Rarity could finish her sentence, she was teleported away to Molestia's chambers. She tried to escape, but the door and windows were locked with powerful magic she could never hope to break. Back in the hall, the other ponies were staring where their friend had just been.
"Ah snap, she dead," Fluttershy gasped, her voice deeper than normal. Almost akin to Flutterguy.
"No, but she will wish she is very, very soon... Alright, next... The Rainbow one!" Rainbow, who was still awed by the Sonic Dovahboom, stepped forward.
"This gon' be good!" The Dovahkiin exclaimed, placing a folding chair on the ground which he inexplicably gained from nowhere, taking his seat on it while eating a cabbage. Discord did the same, but instead of a cabbage, he pulled out a shelf full of plates, which he happily chomped while watching Molestia.
"Hmm... Not bad, and since I'm pretty sure you're a fillfooler-"
"Dammit, I'm not a fillyfooler!" Rainbow retorted, smoke blowing from her nostrils as she exhaled in anger.
"Oh fine," Molestia rolled her eyes, "I guess I can incorporate my horn... Go get the other warmed up!" Rainbow was teleported away before she could say anything either. "And you..." She asked, stepping closer to Twiman, who could care less about what was happening. Apparently, Pinkie had taken over for her personality again. "What exactly are you?"
"I'm Twiman Freaky! As for what I am, I'm a mare unicorn silly!"
"That voice... It's so... hot." Immediately, a flash of white light enveloped both Molestia and Twiman, Teleporting them to her royal chambers.
"Well," Discord said, leaning back in his chair with a glass of chocolate milk in his hand, "that escalated quickly."
"I guess this means I won't be going home," Dovahkiin said, sighing before taking a bite into a chicken leg.
"Actually, this whole time I could have easily teleported you there," Discord said, sipping more of the glass.
"WHAT?!"
"Yeah, I could easily-"
"Did you two forget about me?" Fluttershy asked, her hoof scraping slowly across the floor.
"Go away, Flutters." Discord teleported her to Molestia's chambers, then turned back to the Dovahkiin. "Yep, could easily just snap my fingers and pop you right back into your world."
"Well?"
"Well what?" he asked, finishing the glass and tossing the rest of the milk away, where it exploded right next to a royal guard.
"Are you going to teleport me back to my world?"
Discord stood from his chair and sighed, looking at the Dovahkiin. He began to crack his knuckles and gestured the Dovahkiin to stand up, which he promptly did. Discord continued to pop every known bone in his body, before finally smiling at the Dovahkiin and preparing to snap his fingers. The Dovahkiin smiled at the realization that he would soon be free of these strange equines, back in his world where the horses just shut up and let you ride them places. Finally, Discord snapped his fingers.
In big red letters in front of the Dovahkiin, the word 'Nope' appeared large enough that he could see it from a mile away. A quick glance at Discord revealed his face to be twisted into a terrible grin, his eyes squinted and his face wrinkled beyond what you would expect of a 100 year old man that just stepped out of a 20 year bath. This very face immediately filled the Dovahkiin with extreme anger.
"Problem, Dovahkiin?"
Aright, I read it. I' pretty disappointed... There wasn't enough descriptions and you didn't even mention how my v-
Hey! There are children around.
No there isn't...
Shut up, Twiman... Anyways, I must return to Earth. Christopher Walken still must be found!
Alright, but next time... Don't spend a month just to update the story, you dick sprinkler!
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... Not enough molesting
2296946 There will be more of that later... Just trying to figure out whether to go all clop or not. Can't have Molestia without sex... But I also didn't plan this with any sex in it.
2296965 In my opinion, don't go clop, just have our dovahkiin watch with the most disgusted face ever... and a really awkward boner... or just a boner... and let molestia see through his strip of cloth that covers his boner...or secretly install the "Nude mod" while no one is looking... you know, if you want to...
2297143 I'll think of a way to do so, but it might take some though.
I could not stop reading this in her voice. Her stupid... freaking... damn... lovely... enchanting... seductive... sexy voice.
Now I can't stop thinking of a chapter getting narrated by the generic action movie trailer voice guy. You know, the guy who's all like "In a world where Twiman Freaky roams unmolested, one man has the power to save us all with the Thu'um... and a crapton of explosions. Directed by J.J. Abrams, produced by Michael Bay and written by Ghostwriter95: The Misadventures of Dovahkiin II: This Time, It's Molestial".
2297229 This... I would pay exactly tree-fiddy to watch this. Even if the movie teller is a 8 stories tall crustacean from the pedodoic era.
2297247 "Starring Morgan Freeman as Twiman Freaky, John de Lancie as Discord, Christian Bale as Batma- I mean, the Dovahkiiin, and Robert Downey Jr., Pinkie Pie, and Molestia as themselves. Coming Feburary 30, 2015. And no, we still couldn't get Christopher Walken.
"Tickets on sale now for just tree-fiddy."
Now I can't get the idea of The Batvahkiin out of my head.
2297296 "A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as shouting the living shit out of mudcrabs and the poor to keep the streets safe."
2297317 "I'm the hero Whiterun deserves, but not the one it needs... or likes very much. I guess throwing cabbages at people and shouting them under bridges isn't exactly what the hero is supposed to do. It's still fun."
"Speech skill decreased to negative fourty-seven? How the hell does that even work?"
2297360 i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5607599616/hF80E8941/
fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/217/f/9/clopcakes___molestia_by_williamguy-d45lf4q.png i went deep into the internet to find this..... never ever go there! its a bad place...
Clop plz kthxbai
2298087 At least you returned from this 'internet'. I've seen so many heroes go forth, never to return. Those that do are so traumatized, they suffer PTID (Post Traumatic Internet Disorder)
2315517 i've seen some shit man! i have seen things that could kill a normal mind. run! run and never look back!
I just had the craziest and stupidest idea I ever had! Regidar narrates!
2410297 Never thought of that... Regidar shall narrate! *Evil laugh*
2410647 I have helped in the destruction of the world! Hurrah!
Moar
I can't stop making the Vegeta rape face.